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stxleslyds · 3 years

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What do you think about the theories that Jason was sexually abused as a child? Or even possibly while he was comatose after his resurrection?

Implications of this theory include his conversation with Mia (Speedy) and Bruce's message (Battle for the Cowl). In addition, when he was Robin he expressed what was then considered uncharacteristic rage towards the perpetrators of sex crimes.

Garzonas - unrepentant rapist who got no consequences

When a woman killed her sister's rapist and murderer (because Batman's evidence was not admissible in court), Batman said that she went too far with murder. Jason's disagreed with "Good riddance". Good for you, Jason.

His recklessness when dealing with a child sex trafficking ring.

I highly doubt that DC would ever confirm this theory. I would rather they leave it ambiguous because I don't trust them to not botch Jason... much less respectfully address the subject matter.

I have read so many thoughts on Jason that they're starting to blend together. So I apologize if you've already answered this before.

Hello friend! Aside from the fact that I took way too much time to answer your ask, this was also a hard question to come up with an answer to, I wanted to remain respectful of the subjects at hand even though I don’t second this headcanon. But before we keep going, let me put some trigger warnings in this post.

trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse, child abuse, rape.

First, I would like to bring up these two concepts because I oftentimes mix them up when talking about these “ideas”.

Theory: a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something; an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.

Headcanon: Headcanon generally refers to ideas held by fans of series that are not explicitly supported by sanctioned text or other media. Fans maintain the ideas in their heads, outside of the accepted canon.

I think the idea of Jason having been sexually abused at any point in his lifetime is a mix between a theory and a headcanon. Why I am saying this? Because as you have put in the ask, there has been instances where fandom has found pieces of information that they have considered the base of this idea.

So, if we say that there is a piece of text that might support that idea and they build from that to justify a course of action we would be looking at a theory. In this case Jason having been abused would the reason as to why he acts in that strong and violent way towards cases of sexual abuse/harassment.

In the other hand those pieces of text might not support that idea so fandom headcanons that idea in order to build another layer to a character, in this case Jason having been abused would also justify his actions towards certain criminals.

The “text” (panels, issues, mentions) are most of the time ambiguous, which makes readers have different perspectives in what is being written and what then is made into a theory or headcanon.

Personally, I don’t like this theory or headcanon for various reasons (which I will explain later in the post), and I have read and understood those moments mentioned as Jason just having survived Crime Alley as something general, I don’t think he suffered that kind of abuse but I think he was made aware of that type of behaviour every day that he spent alone in the streets and that why we saw Jason in Batman #408 saying that he had “graduated a long time ago from the streets of crime alley”.

Having said that, I do understand that some of the moments mentioned can be seen as ambiguous and that’s what leads people to theorize/headcanon that idea, because of that I would like to show the panels mentioned in your ask so everyone can read them and make up their own conclusions and then I will talk about the reasons why I don’t like this particular theory/headcanon.

As Robin:

Batman (1940) #422

In these panels we can see Jason as Robin jumping in to defend a woman that was being attacked by a man. There I only see Jason acting like a vigilante would, maybe he was hitting too hard or whatever but Batman has hit people as much as Jason was doing it this time around, plus I, personally, don’t see any kind of problem with Jason beating a man that was harassing and threatening a woman with death.

Right beside we have Jason being on the side of the woman that killed her sister’s attacker. He didn’t see any problem with that woman seeking justice for her sister on her own when the police, Batman and himself couldn’t get the job done.

Here I see Jason having a big problem with authorities and justice system, which is not something new, in Batman #408, Jason says very clearly that he doesn’t trust the system in Gotham (the police, social workers and such), and he was also shown in that comic talking very fondly about his mother and about how much he cared for her when she was at her worst. Let’s remember that Jason loved his mother, he took care of her and resented his father for being abusive towards her and even introducing her to drugs.

Instead understanding these panels as Jason having been abused himself, I see it more as Jason having a humongous understanding of how much women and others suffer in Gotham due to the justice system’s lack of action. I also see Jason as the kind of boy that respected all women and could not sit and do nothing when people were hitting and abusing women just like his father did to his mother.

Batman (1940) #424

This issue starts by saying that Jason jumps into action as soon as he hears someone scream but that he wasn’t going to be prepared to see what was happening. This is the issue where all of us meet Felipe Garzonas, the abuser and rapist of many women. At first Jason doesn’t know what Felipe was doing but after he and Batman “defeat” Felipe, he goes to the room where he finds Gloria in a bed badly hurt and scared. Jason is shocked when he first finds her and after hearing her story in the police station, he becomes more and more happy about the fact that by having caught Felipe, he and Batman would be able to offer some peace and justice to Gloria after he goes to jail, but that doesn’t happen.

They had all the evidence to put Felipe in jail and the police could easily see that Gloria was the victim but because Felipe had someone to back his made-up story up, he was able to not be arrested and jailed.

Jason once again is baffled at the lack of action by the police or simply justice not being able to be made in favour of the true victim. Batman even says that he has noticed that Jason “had become to emotionally invested with the case” which could favour either idea (Jason having suffered sexual abuse or not), in my case I see this once again as Jason not being able to remain calm after doing everything to keep that woman safe and the justice system not being able to do it themselves in a more permanent way (jail time, or whatever).

But that’s not all because Jason being too emotional with that case was brought up as a way to show that Jason couldn’t see that Felipe had been under the influence of drugs, which is something that Jason can see in people very well (do to experience with his mother and his training with Batman). So, Felipe is now a rapist, an abuser, he does drugs and he also has a market for it.

Because Felipe was allowed to go back to his “normal” life he had Gloria be killed, and he kept abusing drugs and women, when Jason finds Gloria’s dead body and that Batman still seems to abide the justice system he snaps. He goes alone to see Felipe and that’s were this iconic panel comes from. The moments before Jason made his first kill and felt no remorse about it. I know this is kinda soft topic because Jason was a teenager, but good for him, kill that bitch. Gotham doesn’t need more people like him.

Batman (1940) #226

This is the issue where Jason attacks the men that were involved with some very nasty stuff involving children. Batman narrates and says that him and Jason had been working on this case for three weeks. Jason jumps into action suddenly and “recklessly” even though Batman considered their investigation wasn’t over, he also says that he thinks that Jason had been “acting oddly” and that he was very “moody, resentful and reckless” and that that attitude could “get him killed”.

This could be used as to add more proof of the abuse idea but I actually see it as build up to Jason’s death, that happened two issues later. Let’s remember that Jason found out of his birth mother and was desperate to find and save her from Joker, because he was a good son but also because he didn’t feel like Bruce loved, cared or appreciated him anymore. Ever since Jason made it clear that he didn’t see the world and justice in the same way that Batman did back in issue #422, Jason and Bruce’s relationship suffered, they just couldn’t see eye to eye on some subjects and Bruce’s neglect or lack of care for what Jason believed in drove Jason to act the way he did in the case involving his mother and the Joker.

Jason obviously has major issues with kids being abused and put in dangerous situations, he as the Red Hood (Winick’s Red Hood) is the same, he really wants kids to be taken far away from drugs so they cannot be manipulated, used and abused by Gotham’s Drug Lords. Here I can see some of the same thing, Jason being protective of those kids and getting fed up with how much time he and Batman had to wait to do anything about the subject, along side it I bet Jason wasn’t seeing the police or the justice system doing anything about the whole thing so that could have probably fuelled his desperate attack of those horrible people.

As Batman/Red Hood:

Batman: Battle for the Cowl #3

Battle for the Cowl… yeah I am going to be brutally honest about this, if anyone thinks that this is someway or somehow proof that Jason had been abused in the past then I think we have very different ways of thinking how survivors must be treated or written in comics and other media.

This to me is pure bad writing, this is some of the worst things I have seen being written in comics. Whether or not this implies Jason being abused or not, Bruce’s message is absolutely disgusting and not at all helpful, it is even worse when you realise that Dick, a canon sexual assault survivor, is the one playing the message to Jason even though Jason explicitly said that he didn’t want to hear it again. That Book, issue, page and panel are extremely badly written and is one of the most terrible Jason and Dick characterizations ever.

So, I don’t really care if this panel is supposed to offer support to that theory or headcanon, I really dislike that speech and if it is actually referencing Jason as being a survivor of child abuse, then Tony S. Daniel needs to make an apology from today to the day he dies.

“Of all my failures, you have been my biggest” “You were broken and I thought I could put the pieces back together. I thought I could do for you what could never be done for me. Make you whole” “What happened to you as a child… the terror, the pain, the horrors” “You needed repair and instead I gave you an outlet to act out on”

Absolute garbage writing. Me, as Bruce is number one hater, know that that speech is even out of character for Bruce. Listen, if Jason had been a victim of sexual assault or just being a kid living alone in Crime Alley, no one should leave a message like that, telling a victim that they were broken and needed fixing, what the hell? No, thank you, this issue proves nothing except that Battle for the Cowl was a mistake as a whole.

Green Arrow (2001) #72

Judd Winick is clever I will always say that, and while I do see why people think that Jason is making the “child abuse idea” canon I still think that the way that he talks is still fairly ambiguous if not just him playing mind games with Mia.

I know it sounds wrong, but hear me out, Winick, in this arc makes Batman say that Jason distracted him and Oliver just to take Mia as a “hostage” because that was Jason’s way to mess with him. This arc happens right after UtRH and Jason is a bit more unhinged than ever. But he doesn’t harm Mia, he just talks to her, he tries to make her see why he acts the way he does and to do that he talks about how much he sees of himself in her. Do I believe that Jason suffered the same things Mia did? No. Do I think that their past is similar? Yes.

But Jason doesn’t only use the fact that they have similar pasts to make Mia rebel against her “no killing ways” and Oliver like he did with Bruce, but he also brings up the fact that their past is incredibly different to the lives of Bruce and Oliver, and that those differences are of importance.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t see Jason bringing Mia’s past for anything other than manipulating her and kinda make her see Oliver in a negative light the way that he does Batman and Bruce. Jason was at a point in his life where all he wanted to do was deliver the same pain that he had gone through but he didn’t do it by physically harming anyone (Mia was left unscratched), he was just out there trying to play mind games so he could break more havoc in Batman’s name.

Mia’s past is just way too different to whatever we have seen in canon from Jason’s past. Maybe I am wrong, after all, I only read about Mia in that arc.

With all that having been said I think it’s pretty obvious that I just don’t think that Jason’ having been sexually abused as a child actually happened, and I also don’t like to think about his past in that way. His canon suffering could have made him act that violently against criminals involved with sexual attacks and drug-related crimes, but I also think that’s just how Jason was, he really disliked the justice system in Gotham and saw how much it failed to protect victims, so now that he had the training to help those who couldn’t do it for themselves, he tried his best to bring criminals to justice.

And when that didn’t work, he grew more and more frustrated with Batman’s methods which led him to be more unforgiving and violent.

I also don’t like the theory/headcanon as a whole because I think its one of those things that Fandom comes up with just for that extra angst factor in their favourite character’s story so they can make him suffer more and because of that no other Robin or character as a whole can ever understand his pain or whatever. In this fandom there is a lot of “competitive trauma” going on and I honestly dislike it a lot.

About Jason having been assaulted while he was in a coma, I don't really know, he was at a hospital for what I believe were six moths, maybe that idea comes from real life happenings but I have never thought of that happening in Jason's life and I would rather not give it much more thought.

Also, I believe that DC just like fandom would have never been able to handle the subject of Jason having been a sexual assault survivor with the respect and care that it actually needs. We have seen DC treat sexual harassment and abuse as nothing but a side plot or bringing it up in an extremely disturbing way. In Fandom some (very few) people end up glamorising or romanticising these subjects so, I don’t believe the comic world was or is ready to treat a backstory like this with the respect it needs.

Maybe I haven’t even treated the subject with the respect and care that it needs and if that’s the case then I am truly sorry.

I had never answered a question regarding this subject before and I really appreciate all the questions you send my way; they do make my brain happy. I am really sorry it took me this long to write an answer to you but I hope the post is good enough for all the time I made you wait!

I hope you have an amazing week!

#jason todd #red hood #robin jason todd #batman #tati writes and is nervous about it #theories and headcanons #dc comics

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river-bottom-nightmare · 4 years

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relationship dynamics

because i felt like it

Birdflash: Their relationship dynamic is like the cutest thing ever. “I’ve noticed that we’ve slowly begun to phase the ‘B’ out of our bromance.” Have done the spiderman kiss and will continue to do the spiderman kiss. SO. MANY. PUNS. They’re CONSTANTLY in a pun war. In a drive thru: “Hey can you tell the guy in the car behind me that he’s cute and I’ll pay for his drink?” “Um….okay sir.” “Your total is $10.59. Also the guy in front of you said, um, he said to tell you that he thinks you’re cute and he’ll pay for your drink.” “*rolls eyes with a fond smile* that’s my husband, he thinks he’s romantic,” but the best part is that it works for either one of them. Birdflash Culture is the word “babe.” If you don’t think they had a bubble machine at their wedding then you’re lying to yourself. Eating junk food whenever and wherever they want,. “Oh my god just get in the fucking blanket fort already.” Where you go, I go. SO MUCH FOOD OH MY GOD ALL THE FOOD SO MUCH FRIGGIN FOOD. Police/crime lab aesthetic bc I have a headcanon that they’ both work with the police department (Dick’s a detective, Wally’s the lead CSI). Photo booth strips. Them being impressed by each other all the time. F R E C K L E S. Stopping halfway through the middle of sex because they just realized something about Star Trek season 3 episode 8 and they really need to pull it up on the tv to make sure they’re right. Re-enacting fight scenes from martial arts movies in the living room of a tiny apartment. Have i mentioned the babe thing because they toss around the word babe all the friggin time, not baby that’s gross, just plain babe along with bro and dude those three are interchangeable. “I called shotgun infinity when I was twelve.” The glass is always half full. Them playing video games at home eating pizza counts as a “date” but also they’ve been doing the same thing for years.

Jayroy: “don’t worry I know what I’m doing” “not even god knows what you’re doing.” Sharing cigarettes. Desperate messy kisses. Constant fast paced insult war that you can’t keep up with if you’re not quick witted enough. “My family had to put up with me but you? You’re the idiot who chose me as a best friend.” pet names galore but like edgy ones not gross sweet ones (my personal favorite is jaybird bc it’s awesome and also canon), very very kinky sex, will murder rapists and drug lords in the most painful way possible without giving a solitary fuck but will go to a nursing home the next morning and be as respectful as possible to the elderly. Tattooossss. Baseball hats. Say “fuck you” as “I love you.” Hair ties everywhere. m u s c l e s.

Timkon: Classic love story. Like, switch one of their genders and you’ve got a old school romance movie in the making. Photo shoots with a pride flag and merch. Pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks. Tim wearing Kon’s clothes to the point where practically his entire wardrobe except for his fancy clothes and red robin suit consists solely of Kon’s stuff. The Neighborhood vibes. Holding hands on a date at the carnival. Pride bracelets and pins. 90s vibes. Kind of the type of Destiel feeling where you can’t really have Destiel without also having Sam being the overenthusiastic shipper/supportive brother? That but with the rest of the Core Four. Polaroid pictures. Gay and Tired. Flannel + Leather + Denim. they go on dates with other people (before they realize they’re in love) and spend the entire time talking about their other half. Skateboards. A high school romance.

Damijon (aged up obviously): constant constant constant bickering and arguing, like we’re surpassing married couple status here. “I’m older” “I’m taller” starts out as a biting insult, falls into teasing joke, then becomes something they say with a mischievous fondness and an inside-joke smile. Country + Pop Taylor swift songs. Wandering together through the city. "Be kind to animals or I’ll kill you.” Sitting on the roof together. Kryptonite blades that Jon trusts no one except Damian to wield. “I hate you” “happy to hear it” turning into another inside joke. Sleepovers. Never growing up. “I trust you with my life unconditionally but I do not trust you to get my order right remember the time you betrayed me and everything I ever stood for?” “Oh my god dami I forgot the sauce onCE.” Don’t lie to yourself, habibi is totally a thing. Damian wearing Jon’s varsity football jacket over dark colored/black turtleneck shirts. Damian sketching Jon either late at night in the light of the moon or early in the morning by the light of the sun. Classic dark vs Light. Running down the street tugging the other behind you while holding hands. Red converse + Combat boots. TEAMWORK. “Clark, your son is annoying, loud, clumsy, entirely too tall, hopelessly optimistic, and way too naive. I trust him with every cell in my body.”

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fishtre · 3 years

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Oh lord your work has honestly has got to be one of the things that truly cemented me into being a Jason fan when I started to enter the fandom. I just wanted to ask; Has Dick or Bruce ever seen Jason (or even Jessie; im a fuckibg lesbian for her) while they were at a low point? Or have they ever seen something in Jay's behavior that seriously made them stop and think for a moment?

Oof-!!! o-okay. I wasn't ready for this. So many responsibilities??? Thanks and welcome! XD

*****

> Have they ever seen something in Jay's behavior that seriously made them stop and think for a moment?

This goes for Jay and Femjay

For Dick: No. Dick and Jason aren’t close. They know each other through Bruce who is this deforming prism between them: lingers even in his absence. This + a lack of a relationship = Dick's empathy sleeping where Jason is involved since day one. Meanwhile, Jason just doesn't trust Dick nor expect his sympathy as the replacement goldfish Bruce picked up (or the outlaw Jason later become). They avoid/ignore rather than seek/antagonize each other (unless the situation demands violence). Hence, it’s not granted Dick could recognize the moment for what it was and not chalk it up as “classic Jason”.

As for Bruce: short answer is YES. Their whole history is paved with moments where Bruce has (usually late) epiphanies about Jason and himself. And this’ pretty much how Jason got benched after a rapist went flying through a balcony to meet the concrete twenty floors lower.

More to say, so long AF rant below the cut. Mostly about canon interpretation I use for characterisation + some side notes about Femjay at the very end. The essential is above tho.

Starts with “Batman the Cult”:

Aka Batman goes missing while investigating an underground sect that kidnaps homeless people. When Jason finally finds him, Bruce is a drugged, tortured, half-raving mad man on a pile of corpses who've been living in the sewers for weeks. Jason tries to bring Batman to his senses and at the surface but he's so damaged in and out that Robin has to guide him back home like a lost child. Eventually they get surrounded by the cult members. After a "it was an honor to meet and fight with you sir" Robin got outflanked. Begs Bruce to help as a crowd of drugged hobos tries to literally tear him apart. Jason is like 14-15yo and it takes these three "adult fears" in a row (child going “yolo” + child protecting the powerless adult + watching child get almost killed) for Bruce to finally fight back and save the day.

Which brings us to the following event: The rapist and the balcony :p. Bruce can't prove if Jason committed the crime or not so the act in itself isn't the point. Jason admitting he didn't try to catch the falling rapist, no feeling remorse to potentially causing someone's death is what alarms Bruce here.

Between the Cult and this, for me it's definitely when Bruce first gets blessed with many epiphanies; 1) Jason’s attitude toward death, his or the crooks' lives, his soldier-like devotion to Bruce during the Cult is alarming. 2) Turns out Jason have different opinions regarding Justice, the right to redemption or vigilantism. Opinions that are pretty irreconcilable with Bruce’s. 3) He's not shaking the grip Gotham has on the boy at all (his reason or excuse to take Jason in at first.) 4) Jason's indulging Bruce and playing by his rules because love and respect (he hopes), not because Jason understands or believes in Bruce's methods or share his creeds. 5) He may had been emotionally compromised when he took in Jason (as Dick accuses him to be) and had been making thing worse for the boy, failing Jason as a mentor/guardian and an adult.

As the “greatest detective”, it weighs on Bruce that he ultimately failed Jason in knowing the boy and providing what he needs; his guilt and irresponsibility catching up to him all at once. From Bruce’s perspective, this has cost a man's life and Jason’s “innocence”, simply because he (or anyone) didn’t manage to see Jason for who he is; a more troubled child than he or Dick ever was, and that despite having all the clues in the world to figure it out. In result Jason and Robin are benched. Jason dies before Bruce can find what he should do. That's it. UTRH could be seen as Jason at a low point I guess. But special mention to when Bruce "walks away" to not choose between Red Hood and Joker before aiming a batarang at RH's gun, Jason sits down in silence and simply gives up; resigned to wait for the bomb to blow up, not caring if Bruce or Joker get away or die with him. A stark contrast to how determined and mouthy he's been until then. Jason "accepts" what he sees as Bruce's choice: that Joker is more or equally as important to him than Jason. Bruce has to pull him away from the worst of the blast so it's fair to say that he must notice. It doesn't manage to make Bruce stops and thinks, but the conclusion to that story on Bruce's side this time is that while Jason is back and alive, the event in UTRH achieved to kill the boy he knew and lost.

As for femjay, here a bit more trivia just for her AU:

Dick first thought after discovering that new Robin was a tomboy, whom Bruce also addresses or presents as one 90% of the time does alarms him a bit in the midst of his confusion. But when he half-questions Jason about it, she mocks him about this incident and shuts him off with a "none of your beeswax". Fuming, Dick brushes it off as being some kind of pervert game between Bruce and Jason, be it Bruce trying to replace and hurt him, introverted misogyny, lesbian culture or whatever. None of his beeswax. He doesn't look deeper into it. He leaves Gotham and only comes back for her "funeral". As a general rule, looking into Jason- related stuff and not minding his business when she is involved, always ends up biting Dick in the arse.

Bruce never really brushes the subject of what Jason may have done or not in order to survive on the streets for two years or why her parents gave her a boy name. He takes what Jason gives him on this (which is little) and doesn't pry into it further since Jason's medical checkups are fairly good and promising. Jason is a girl who prefers to blend in as a boy and Bruce plays along, secretly relieved because Bruce has no idea how to deal with a pre-teen/teenage girl. So yeah; he's scared and this is a blessing for him and she looks happy like that. Bruce avoids using pronouns to avoid confusion himself (which is partly why Dick got so confused by Jason's gender when they first met).

Nobody but Alfred realizes she starts corseting herself with bandages and a sports bra by the end of second year at the manor. Or that she buys pads and razors on the dozen with who knows what money since she asks for nothing. Old-fashioned Wayne's British butler is barely more at ease with Jason's womanhood than Bruce, but Al does take the initiative to give her an allowance so she can buy underwears when she first arrives. He simply raises that allowance to cover her new needs with a cryptic and awkward explanation. But because Jason doesn't know how to choose a bra she sticks to what she knows, aka; keeps wearing a sports bra and flattening her chest as best as she can while residing at the Manor. By the time she comes back as Red Hood, Jason is too curvy to hide so she doesn't. Also; Talia... While she still was only trying to use Jason against or to win Bruce back, she's appalled to learn what Jason used to do to her breasts, and took pity of her. She forcefully take Jason out shopping for her first actual bra at 17-18 yo and teach her some more basics.

#reply #jason and the curse of the anime tiddies AU #aye 2/10 answers answered #( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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mirrerover · 3 years

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High on the Fumes

“Straying a bit far from the nest, Dickiebird,” Jason says. He’s got one hand shoving his mask back up into his hood, revealing just his mouth and the sharp line of his jaw, while the other digs in the pocket of his leather jacket, fishing for cigarettes. A beaten-up carton gets waved in Dick’s general direction, offering a cigarette Dick never accepts. Not like this. Not in the Nightwing suit, at least.

They’re currently overlooking Crime Alley, seated on the edge of the roof, legs dangling off the side. Jason hadn’t seemed surprised when Dick had dropped down next to him on the ledge. But Red Hood wouldn’t be Red Hood if Jason didn’t know the coming and goings of the various vigilantes creeping on Gotham's rooftops at night.

“Ran out of bad guys my side of the pond,” Dick says in the easy way he says lots of things. The patented Grayson charm. “What can I say—I’m just that good.”

That actually pulls a laugh out of Jason. A genuine one. One that has his mouth stretched apart in a smile that makes Dick think beautiful.

“No criminals in Blüdhaven. I knew moonlighting as a police officer would be bad for you. Six months on the job and they’ve already got you on their payroll.”

“Thought you’d be proud of me for lasting as long as I did.”

“Sure thing, Princess.” There’s a fancy Zippo in his hand now, one Dick has never seen before, lighting the first cigarette of plenty to come. Dick wonders if Jason lifted it off some crook he left for dead. “You probably broke some departmental records. Most Blüdhaven cops are on the take before they’ve even stepped off Academy grounds.”

Dick chuckles the way you chuckle when watching your own house burn down to ashes, all your mortal possessions still inside. Blüdhaven is a corrupt cesspool with no fast and easy fix. Maybe not even a slow and difficult one—and she’s all Dick's. He stuffs the thought somewhere deep and hidden and eagerly shifts his eyes to Jason so he can forget. Just for a while.

It’s hard to read Jason’s face, hidden in the shadows of his hood, but the body language is clear; no apparent stiffness or major sore spots. Jason looks relaxed, if not a little tired, fingers nimble when they lift the cigarette to his lips. So the bloodstains aren’t his own.

“Slow night?”

Jason shrugs. “Petty criminals, mostly.” His lips tighten into a harsh line. “Some creep who thought he could set up shop and play pimp. Fuck that. My girls work for themselves.”

His girls. And that, Dick thinks, is the difference between Bruce and Jason. Bruce has his villains, his meta humans, and when that well runs dry there’s the League. A galaxy full of nemeses for him to fight. Big players and even bigger stakes. Abstract concepts of freedom and peace, and the liberty of dealing in absolutes. Jason has his people. The concrete reality of kids not being cornered by predators and sex workers keeping money in their own pockets. And his people love him. Prefer the Red Hood taking an iron pipe to the face of their abusive ex-husband, their kid’s drug dealer, or the rapist next-door, to the untouchable Bat Symbol high up in the sky.

Maybe Dick’s been staring too hard or maybe Jason can tell he’s thinking of Bruce because the next time he speaks, he’s extra crass: “I need a cock so far up my ass I’ll be seeing stars, a good meal, and a shower with better water pressure than the usual geriatric-taking-their-midnight-piss nonsense that’s rife this side of the city.” He sucks long and hard on the cigarette, posture thoughtful, before releasing the smoke in a slow exhale. “Not necessarily in that order.”

Dick snorts. Maybe there’s more than just the one big difference. “That really something you wanna yell off the rooftops? Thought you were some big bad crime lord.”

“The fuck's that s'posed to mean, Big Bird?” Some might assume that toting around eight severed heads in a duffle bag once would make it hard to take the moral high ground on anything. Dick knows for a fact that Jason doesn’t really give a shit about either morals or the high ground but it doesn’t stop him from taking both and making them his bitch. “Think I’m weak for taking it up the ass? How ‘bout you dial back on the homophobia, you bigoted prick.”

It might be more impressive if Dick was a little less familiar with Jason and his rage. Jason doesn’t settle his actual grievances with his words. This is foreplay.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Little Wing. Got the best thighs this side of the equator. Ain’t nobody calling you weak, babe.”

“Don’t you forget it, asshole.”

Dick hums, lowering himself onto his back, arms stretched high above his head. There’s a weird serenity to being verbally abused by Jason as the Eastern sky is starting to brighten. The sound from the street feels distant and Jason feels so close, their thighs mere inches apart. When Dick lets his head rest on his arm, Jason’s broad shoulders fill up half his vision and he knows if he buries his nose between his shoulder blades it’ll smell of leather and smoke and sweat.

Jason twists his torso towards him. “Were you even listening, Fingerstripes? Just told you I want a cock up my ass before the night is through. Need me to grab a pen and a piece of paper and spell it out for you?” Jason gives a depreciating grunt. “And Daddy dares to say that you’re the smart one.”

“Jesus, Hood,” Dick teases. “Can’t tell if you’re trying to go for seductive or insulting.”

“Shows how shit your instincts are. I’m doing both. You turned on yet?”

Dick shrugs good-naturedly, arches his back and gives Jason the Grayson smile, blinding, crooked, winning. “Little bit.”

There’s another laugh, another smile. Another beautiful in Dick’s head. Then Jason’s lying down beside him, shoulders brushing, and voice bleeding a warm: “thought you would be, you big slut.”

When Jason finishes his cigarette he kills what’s left of it on the concrete. Wordlessly lights another. The new Zippo burns big and bright.

Dick lowers one arm, carefully drags his fingers across the busted knuckles of the hand holding the lighter. Sometimes, those hands will leave red streaks on Dick’s skin and Dick won’t know if the person it came from is still a person at all. And he thinks Jason painting him with blood should probably bother him more than it does. But it’s hard sometimes, between the night job and the day job and the things he sees during both. Between Bruce, who puts principles before people, and Jason, who puts people before Bruce, is Dick, who doesn’t want to choose between either, who wants to have both—but let’s Jason mark him up with the blood from Gotham’s criminals, anyway. So, maybe he’s made his choice.

"Make me a coffee tomorrow morning," Dick says, Jason's hand warm beneath his own. "With those fancy beans. From that specialty shop where they roast and grind the beans on the spot and you watch them like a hawk 'cause you're both anal and a snob."

"Just the coffee?"

"Just the coffee."

"You're one cheap fucking lay, Boy Blunder."

“Only for you,” Dick says. "The Bat family discount.” Dick wonders if there’s a little something special in those cigarettes when that doesn’t get him punted off the roof immediately. The vicious elbow stab to the gut seems rather mellow.

“Asshole,” Jason murmurs under his breath. The vitriol dripping off that single word makes Dick honest-to-God giggle, chest feeling light like flying.

He thinks they’ll stay here a little longer. Maybe one or two more cigarettes—all Jason. Dick will smoke after. After the sex, and the shower and the sleeping and the coffee. Long after the morning is gone. When Dick has been stripped of his suit for hours and Jason the same for his mask and guns. Then Dick will sit naked in the afternoon sun on Jason’s windowsill, grab that Zippo and smoke.

One cigarette. Just then.

----------------

@wethatake I wrote a thing. Can you believe it? I sure can’t

#jaydick #jaydick fanfic #jason Todd #Dick Grayson #mirre writes

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nightwingisnotperfect · 3 years

Text

| JayDick | Street! Batfam

Talon!Dick/Street Kid! Jason

JayDick Story idea!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist, people never really mention Dick getting sent to Juvie. So why not mention that and though in Street kid Jason the court of owls. The batfam come pretty early on or in the first two years of this whole thing so here you go...

Can DC do a earth where Dick meets Jason on the Streets while looking for Tony Zoucco, and they form their own kid protection gang? Dick could be from Juvie or just ran away from being a Talon (he could also be mute). Dick is the guy who seems into the rafters to get blackmail on the other gangs, and is like a shadow or assassin of the gang. Jason is a street kid that knows all the rumors and secret passages/hideaways of the Streets and is the leader of the gang and is called the Red Hood(ie).

They could like Taken in or are sponsored by Tim who is like an honorary Street kid because he knows Street stuff cause he follows Batman and takes pics... Steph could just be following her dad and find the place and then give them a heads up about the Rouge Gallery Rumors...

And Cass runs away/is ordered to keep Dami safe and Goes to Gotham to find Damis Dad and be safe cause she doesn't want to kill and runs into Tim bc she's stalking Batman and sees him or finds Steph the lookout for her father, and they take them to the gang.

About 1-2 year's later when the gangs basically independentlly stable, batman, not Bruce Wayne, bassicly adopts the whole gang or/and Jason becomes a crime lord to control crime with his same drug rules (No kids, or pregnant people) only killing thoughts that are rapists, don't kill for a reason, are human traffickers, or ecedra.

Dick could still become a hero and become Nightwing or he could become Jason's enforcer, Tim could manage the money or strategies, Dami I hope would be Dicks child or closes brother and I would hope for a jaydick fic...

Cass could be an enforcer too, or be like Dami and/or Tim’s bodyguard. Steph I think would cause chaos and probably be a small-time hero just being more focused on protecting the gang or being there for the little guys

now I haven't really mentioned Babs but I think she would be a mix of Batgirl and Oracle. Since she is pretty alone and being the first sidekick or child hero she relies more on the police info and eavesdropping before Batman/Batwomen takes her under their wing.

Honestly I think Dick after he learns how to fight to teach the other Street kids, (He learns in Juvie and Batman, or he learns bc talon training) but when he teaches Jason they both have to learn to accommodate Jasons street style and it's the first time Dick feelings something negative towards Jason, or first time they have a fight, or first time Jason yells at Dick...

I just realized that a way they could meet!!! Dick is sent to gather info on Tony Zucco for The court of owls after he kills him he will become a full talon, and so he's snooping in the rafters of a warehouse. Jason was lifting the Batmobiles tires and Joker decided to Torcher him for shits and giggles. So Dick stumbles upon Joker beating Jason and has a flashback to Juvie and so with his new instincts accidentally kills the joker and saves Jason. Jason has some broken fingers, a fractured hand(or something, and a concussion. This leads him to go towards the panicking Talon, who according to his mum's stories will cut off his head if he is bad, and is like I owe you one if you need a place to lay low my place is open. At this point Jason hugs Talon and faints, Talon hides in the rafters, and only leaves after he sees Batman treating Jason. Talon gets punished or something, but anyway He goes out over the next few weeks getting info on Tony Zucco and finding/checking in on Jason. Or Jason could help him by telling Talon about gang rumors and Batman gets a tracker on him at some point. So after Talon kills Tony Zucco he comes back to a destroyed court panics and runs to Jason's fire escape because that's where they normally talk and Jason is what Jason defines a friend as. So Talon is like if I teach you to fight I can stay, and Jasons like you could've stayed anyways if you earn your keep. And Batman's like shit there is a Talon who is a child so low impulse control is out there, gotta find him.

Please Message me the link if you make/made a fix like this, please! Especially if this inspired it!!! 🥺 Please!!!

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littleeyesofpallas · 3 years

Photo

I tend to have a lot of beef with how Jason's return and redemption and acceptance back into hero status went... I don't hold it against anyone in particular, the fact the no one really knew what they were doing with him or where he'd end up as they were writing at the time wasnt their fault and didnt help. But the basic issue remains that Jason came back as a murderous villain, only barely pivoted into antihero for brief really bad stint, and then veered pretty hard to get to hero-but-guns... and ever since theyve really just ignored those first two things. And frequently I toy around with writing scenarios that smooth those nebulous areas over a little, and honestly you know what would make a great Jason Todd story? Just a rehash of I Saw the Devil, but fixing some of the thematic problems the movie had. To clarify:

In I Saw the Devil, a serial rapist and murderer kills the fiance of a Korean NIS detective, but after a brief investigation the detective catches up to the murderer, and in a climactic struggle beats the murderer unconscious… Then the murderer wakes up… After hitchhiking his way back to a city, and treating some of his wounds the murderer tries to sexually assault a nurse at which point the detective kicks in the door like the koolaid man and beats the extremely confused murderer within an inch of his life again. Then he explains that he’s just going to keep doing this, and lets the murderer go again.

… But here’s where the movie falls apart for me. In it the murderer stays prettymuch totally unrepentant and in fact continues to rack up marks against him as a dirt bag when he goes to get help from other serial killers, betrays them, and continues to murder random people along the way.

I’d have liked to have seen him crack under the pressure and while he’s obviously not in a position to be reformed or repent for his crimes, I was really really expecting a scene where the murderer stops trying to fight back and starts only trying to escape and eventually gets caught and just begs for his life. Not turning him into the “good guy” or innocent, but pathetic enough that it becomes clear that the hero and villain have both entered into a gray area, where the hero and audience need to really step back and consider at what point does the license to dispense justice with extreme prejudice expire?

And really that just feels like it’d make for a great retroactive story on Jason’s turning point from his initial return as Red Hood back to a hero. Let him be a gang lord, let him shoot a bunch of people in cold blood (or sever their heads and stuff them in a bag just to make an entrance) and yeah let him walk out the other side of things a “hero” in some sense… but make the journey between the two make some kind of sense. Let him double-down on his philosophy that Gotham will always be a hive of scum and villainy and that Bruce needs to learn to accept that and roll with it, so he’s down with the theft, with the drug trafficking, with the murder, but under his watch and mediation…. and then let him learn that there’s a limit to all that, even for him. Let him find his own line that he won’t cross. His own One Rule. More over let him do it in a way that doesn’t use hiding behind his victim-hood as if it’s an excuse; as if his villainy is just some kind of misunderstood and repressed lashing out, and not meticulous, intelligent, and premeditated. And let his victimization at the hands of the Joker and Gotham at large be what drives him not what redeems him. Let him think he knows what needs to be done, and think he knows what he’s capable of, and then let him find out he’s wrong.

And most importantly, let us watch it happen in real time.

Also, go watch I Saw the Devil, it’s a good revenge thriller.

#dc comics #batman #jason todd #red hood #i saw the devil #kim jee-woon

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zarcake-writes · 4 years

Text

The Deal

PART 2! I hope you all enjoy this. I’m sorry if the smut isn’t as nasty as it could be, I got caught up in the killing scene. And I’ve been busy with school stuff. Anyways, enjoy! Happy Halloween!

Warnings: murder, blood, stabbing, mention of rape, disgusting rapist being disgusting

It’s three days later when the devil- or Lucien- returns. You’re sitting in your kitchen, eating cereal out of the box when he shows up. When he appears with a puff of smoke that smells like frankincense and vanilla, you squeal and drop the box of cereal on the floor.

“What the- Ah! My Apple Jacks!”

Lucien watches with a bored expression as you gather the spilled cereal off the floor. “Why don’t you use a bowl?”

“Because I don’t want to do dishes.” When you realize that there’s too many to pick up off the floor, you sit down and begin eating them. “What do you want? Is the contract finished?”

Lucien makes a noise of disgust at the sight of you talking with food in your mouth. He pulls an envelope out of his coat pocket and presents it to you. “Yes. The terms are all listed here, but I did make some adjustments. Go over them and make sure everything is to your liking.”

You wipe your hands on your shorts and take the sealed envelope. The deal is straightforward, but there’s been a change. Instead of Lucien killing your ex, you are to assist in the killing. Lucien will inflict the killing blow, but you need to lure your ex to a location and help make sure he won’t escape.

You look up from the papers and at Lucien. He’s sitting at your table, looking down at his phone. “Wait, why do I need to help you? I want you to kill him and make him suffer.”

“I will kill him and ensure his soul suffers for all eternity. However, I want you to help with this.”

“Why?”

Lucien lets out a heavy breath and slips his phone into an inside pocket of this blazer. “One, because you summoned me to kill someone and I think it’s good for both parties to have blood on their hands. You can’t Pontius Pilate your way out of this. And two, because I think it will be good for you. Consider it therapy, dark, bloody therapy.”

You narrow your eyes at the man. “Fine. But if I’m helping you kill him, you will adjust payment.”

“Oh? Will I?”

“Yes. Instead of coming in fifty years, killing me, and taking my soul, you will take my soul but allow me to stay living. In return, I will do your work here on earth and do my best to convert others.”

Lucien scoffs. “How will you do that? Go door to door asking if people have time to hear the good word of our Dark Lord and Savior Lucifer?”

“No, smartass. I know people who would be interested in working with you and other demons. Making deals, gaining power, selling souls. I bet I can even throw in a virgin or two.”

Lucien arches an eyebrow and sits back in his chair. He looks deep in thought like he’s debating what to do.

“Also,” you begin, “I’m a virgin. So, that must mean something.”

Lucien looks surprised but only shrugs. “Sexual virginity is really only a concept. I’m more interested in spiritual virginity. The first time you make a deal with myself or a demon is much more powerful than whether or not you’ve had sex.”

“Well, I am a spiritual virgin.”

“Mmm, that you are. Fine. I’ll adjust the contract and I’ll return in a few days.”

You hand him the envelope and nod. He takes it, slips it into his coat, and stands.

“Until next time, my little virgin.”

You grimace but wave. “Bye, weirdo.”

Lucien laughs then vanishes, leaving you alone in the kitchen with your Apple Jacks.

It’s a week later when everything is ready. Lucien kept his word and changed the payment. He will take your soul in fifty years, but instead of killing you, you will stay on earth and do his work.

Once that was agreed upon, you and Lucien got to work planning on how to lure your ex, Kyle, to your house. It turned out to be really easy. All you had to do was send him a message pretending to be a sixteen-year-old girl. Kyle immediately took the bait. When you finally asked if he wanted to hang out, you were disgusted with his comments. Even Lucien was unsettled.

Which is how you ended up in your summoning room (now sacrificial room) standing next to Lucien with your ex unconscious and tied down to a huge wooden table. Shackles hold his arms and legs spread apart like he’s an offering. Lucien was the one who handled the drugging and transporting of his body. The chains and table were also Lucien’s work.

The room is filled with candles like before, but instead of your book, there’s a knife in your hand. Lucien handed it to you when he arrived.

“Ok, you ready?” he asked.

You look away from Kyle and nod.

“I need to hear you speak.”

“Y-yes. I’m ready.”

“Good. I’ll wake him up and then we shall begin. Oh, stand back a bit sweetheart. I want it to be a surprise when you reveal yourself.”

You swallow and nod. As you take a step back into the darkness of the room, your stomach flips and you feel sick. This is it, you think, I’m gonna kill him.

Lucien snaps his fingers and Kyle wakes with a start. He glances around the room, wide-eyed and terrified. When his gaze settles on Lucien, he looks confused, then relieved.

“Mr. Lucien? What… what’s going on? Where am I?”

“Kyle? Whatever happened to you? How did you end up here?” Lucien asked. He fakes his worry and begins investigating the shackles around Kyle’s ankles.

“I-I was going to meet up with a girl. I think she attacked and drugged me. God, my head hurts. Mr. Lucien, please, get me out of here,” he sobs.

Lucien nods and glances over his shoulder towards you. His eyes are glowing, and when he smiles, his smile is too wide. His teeth glint in the dim lighting of the room; they are unnaturally long and there’s so many.

He turns back to the shackles. “Hmmm. Well, I can’t undo these, we’ll need a key.”

Kyle whines and pulls at the metal locks around his wrists and ankles. With a wail, he goes lax and sobs. Lucien watches him with an almost bored expression.

“Tell me,” Lucien begins. He slowly starts to walk around the table Kyle is on. “What does it feel like?”

Kyle looks confused and whimpers out, “What?”

“What does it feel like, to be trapped? Stuck like this? To feel so exposed and weak?”

“It fucking sucks! Please, Mr. Lucien, help me. Go get help, please!”

Lucien looks down at him and tilts his head. “It does suck. Do you think those girls felt that same way you are feeling? Helpless? Trapped? Hopeless?”

“What girls?”

“You know what girls I’m talking about.” Lucien stops next to Kyle’s feet. “The two that we know, for certain, that you raped, and the one you tried to rape in high school. Who knows how many others you hurt?”

Kyle is watching Lucien, a look of shock on his face., a looks “I… they lied! I swear, I didn’t do anything to them! I was found innocent!”

Lucien shrugs off his blazer and tosses it across the room. He begins to circle your ex again. “The court might have found you innocent, but I don’t. I do not abide by the idea that you are innocent until proven guilty. You know why?”

“Why?”

Lucien stops and leans over Kyle. “Because I know every one of God’s precious children’s sins. And you, Kyle, have been a very, very bad man.”

Kyle whimpers and begins to plead. “Please, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I swear. I just want to go home.”

Lucien stands up and runs his hand through his hair. “Sweetheart, care to come out?”

You step out of the shadows and take your place beside Lucien. For a moment, Kyle looks confused, and then he recognizes you. His eyes are wide and the fear on his face is beautiful. You know he’s remembering what he tried to do all those years ago. You can see it on his face.

“Kyle, do you know why you’re here?” Lucien asked.

“No. Please, I just want to go home. I’m so sorry,” he sobbed.

“I asked to go home. I begged for you to take me home. I was lucky enough to get away, but those other girls didn’t. Did they beg for you to stop? For you to take them home? Did they cry out for their mom’s?” you asked.

Kyle looks between you and Lucien before he begins to speak. “Look, I’ll give you both money. As much as you want. Just… just let me go.”

Your lip curls in disgust. “Is that what you offer people to keep quiet? Money? I’m not interested in money, Kyle.”

“What do you want then?”

You lean in close to his face and whisper, “Your life.”

Kyle begins to scream and thrash against the table. The chains tighten and prevent his thrashing from getting out of hand. He screams and curses you. He calls you every terrible name he can think of, he even spits in your direction. When he’s exhausted himself, his body relaxes on the table. His heavy breathing is occasionally interrupted with a sob.

A hand on your lower back pulls your attention from Kyle. Lucien looks down at you, a calm expression on his face. The pristine white shirt he usually wears is gone, leaving his upper bare. The slacks he’s wearing hang low on his hips. “You ready?”

“I… yeah, I think so.”

Lucien nods and helps you climb onto the table. You straddle Kyle’s body and grip the knife in your hand.

Kyle looks up at you, a mixture of hate and fear etched on his face. “Fucking bitch.”

“You’re gonna have to do better than that, Kyle,” you said.

“You doing this cause you’re jealous or something?”

You scoff and lean forward, the sharp edge of the knife pressed against his throat. “No. I’m doing this because it’s what you deserve.”

Kyle swallows and whines low his chest. You glance away from his face and towards Lucien. He’s watching you both. His face looks different, wrong somehow, and his eyes aren’t human anymore. Lucien nods for you to continue.

“You know,” you continue, “I read the police report. I saw the pictures of the bruises on the girl’s bodies. I heard their testimonies. But your parents got you off, and those girls were branded as liars and whores. They were sixteen! Fucking children! And you used your age and influence to hurt them.”

Kyle's face is wet with tears and sweat. He looks so scared, and for a moment you feel sorry for him. But that only lasts a moment.

“Please, they wanted it.”

“They are children! Children can’t consent to sex with an adult, dumb fuck. You took advantage of them. You’re nearly thirty years old and you took advantage of two sixteen-year-old girls.”

Kyle says nothing, just whines and shakes beneath you. You sit up and raise the knife above your head. Kyle shakes his head and begins to beg for you to stop. You glance at Lucien. He’s smiling and nods for you to continue. When you glance back down at Kyle, he’s shaking his head back and forth, whispering your name.

The fear in his eyes and the terror in his voice makes your chest twist. He’s covered in sweat, snot, and tears. He’s human, just like you. He feels fear and pain, just like you. And like you and those other girls did, he’s begging to go home. He’s whimpering his mother’s name and saying how he wants to see his younger brother grow up. He wants to live.

A familiar deep voice whispers in your ear. “What the matter sweetheart?”

You swallow and adjust your grip on the knife. “He… he wants to live.”

“As do those girls. Think about their lives, think about your life, sweetheart.”

Lucien’s right. Their lives are forever marked. For the rest of their lives, they will remember what he did. His touch will always linger on their bodies and in the back of their minds. They will forever remember the smell of his cologne and the smell of the pomade in his hair. They will always remember how he forced himself onto them and the heaviness of his breathing. They will always remember and fear that he will come back.

Kyle wants to live, but he doesn’t deserve it.

“Do it,” the devil whispers in your ear, “Take his life. Do it, sweetheart.”

You tighten your grip on the knife and bring it down hard into Kyle’s chest.

The first stab and Kyle screams. He nearly bucks you off his body, but the chains around his limbs tighten and hold him in place. You bring the knife down again and again. Kyle’s screams and the sickening sound of the knife plunging in and out of his body fills the room, but you don’t hear it. It’s like a fog has filled your mind and all you can see are the pictures of those girls. All you can see is Kyle hurting you.

A firm hand grabs your wrist, stopping your attack on Kyle. You look up and see Lucien, a pleased look on him goatish face. He looks down at Kyle and you follow his gaze. Kyle is covered in blood but he’s still alive. When he breathes there’s a bubbling noise from his chest.

Lucien waves a hand over Kyle’s body and the wounds heal. Kyle gasps and coughs. When he sees you and Lucien above him, he starts sobbing again.

“God,” Kyle whimpers, “Please, help me.”

Lucien lets out a loud laugh that sends chills down your body. He casually leans against the table. “Boy, do you really think God will help you?”

“Yes, he loves all his children. And I’ve been baptized.”

“Well, let’s see if he’ll show up.” Lucien opens his arms and looks upwards. “God! You gonna save your son?”

The room is quiet, save for Kyle’s raspy breathing and the dripping sound of his blood hitting the floor. You’re not sure if God will really appear, or if Lucien is just joking around.

After a minute or two, Lucien closes his arms dramatically and looks down at Kyle. “Yeah, no one’s coming. One, why would God want to save you? And two,” Lucien leans in real close to Kyle’s blood-covered face. “God can’t hear you.”

Lucien takes your hand and brings it down into the center of Kyle’s chest. Kyle gasps and looks down to see the knife. He looks surprised as he watches his blood soak his shirt. You see the light dim from his eyes, and then his body goes limp.

Lucien pulls the knife free and drops it on the floor. He pulls something wispy and see-through, from Kyle’s body. You realize it’s his soul. Lucien examines it with a critical eye, scoffs, then squeezes it until it vanishes with a pop.

“Is… is he dead?” you whispered.

Lucien looks up at you and nods. He helps you off the table, making sure to hold you upright. Your body is shaking and you feel so cold. Everything hurts, your head is pounding, and there’s a burning sensation in the palms of your hands.

When you look up at Lucien, he’s watching you. Everything about him is wrong, his eyes are goat-like, and there are twisting horns coming out the side of his head. Even his features are vaguely goatish. His hair is long, it’s almost like a mane that comes down to the center of his chest. And his skin is marked with intricate tattoos and scars.

Despite his monstrous appearance, something about Lucien is strangely attractive. Maybe it’s because you and he just murdered someone or it’s the fact that you’re pressed against his bare body, but you want to kiss him.

Lucien takes your hands in his own and studies them. He wipes the blood away and frowns at the deep gashes in your palms. He covers your hands with his own, then there’s a burning sensation that nearly brings you to your knees. It goes away after a moment. Lucien turns your hands over and wipes away the blood.

“How did that happen?” you whispered.

“From stabbing Kyle.” His voice is low and deep like he's trying to speak softly.

You look up at him and nod. He’s gorgeous, beautiful, and otherworldly with his eyes, the horns, and even those adorable goatish ears. Maybe it’s because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins or maybe Lucien has cast a spell on you, but you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

Lucien stiffens in surprise but slowly leans into the kiss. The kiss grows needy, desperate, and rough. Your hands are in his hair, fingers pulling and twisting into the soft strands. Lucien’s hands are mapping your body. A hand squeezes your ass, digging into your soft flesh. His other hand massages your breasts, pulling and squeezing your nipples through your shirt.

He growls when you begin to undo his pants. You pull away from the kiss when his cock pops free and bumps against your lower stomach. It’s hot and heavy and its shape is inhuman. There are ridges along the shaft and small little nubs beneath the tapered head. A slightly swollen knot is at the base. But more surprising is the glowing tattoo along the shaft.

You look up in surprise at Lucien who only smirks down at you. Slowly, you take his cock into your hand and begin to jack him off. His cock is hot and so thick. Your thumb swipes over the tapered head, smearing the bead of dark-colored precum at the tip. Lucien snarls in your ear and bucks into your hand.

Eager to please him, you drop to your knees and run your tongue over his head. Lucien bares his teeth at you but runs his fingers through your hair. He watches with wide eyes as you lick and kiss every ridge and bump along his cock. When you take the head into your mouth and begin to bob your head up and down, Lucien growls and tightens his hold on your hair.

He’s so thick that you can’t get your mouth all the way down his cock, but you try. He grunts and groans every time his head hits the back of your throat. And when you gag, he whimpers your name.

Tired of your teasing and needing more, Lucien pulls you off his cock. He lifts you up and presses you against a wall. He rips your clothes off your body, growling at the sight of you bare before him. As you did, he drops to his knees and rests your legs on his shoulders while your back is pressed against the wall.

“Keep your eyes on me,” he growls.

You nod and watch as he presses his mouth to your cunt. His tongue, thick and strong, runs up and down your slit. It swirls around your clit then slips inside of you. He tongue fucks you, moaning and growling at how you taste. His tongue rubs against that perfect spot inside you while his thumb is pressed against your clit. This, combined with his moans, push you closer to the edge. And watching him, seeing the way his eyes roll and the way he looks between your legs, ends you.

He pulls away from you, licking his lips and smiling. He’s gentle as he sets your feet to the floor. When he stands and kisses you, you moan at the taste of yourself on his lips.

“Do you want more?” he asked.

You nod. “Yes. Give me all of you.”

“Oh sweetheart, you’re still a virgin, and you can’t handle all of me. But I will give you a taste.”

You want to argue with him, but he’s already lifting your leg and lining himself up with your entrance. He looks to you, waiting. When you nod, he pushes into you. He’s slow, and while the stretch is uncomfortable, it doesn’t hurt. You’re glad he ate you out and gave you an orgasm.

Every whine or gasp you make, he stops and begins to rumble low in his chest. Lucien only starts to move again when you urge him to go on. Slowly, inch by inch, he pushes himself into you. When most of his cock rest inside you, he stops and gives you a moment to adjust.

He’s so big and thick. You’ve never felt anything like it before. You give him an experimental squeeze, and you both groan in unison.

“Please,” you beg, “Fuck me.”

Lucien nods and begins to move. His thrusts are slow and deep. The way he’s looking at you and the feel of him inside of you sends tingles throughout your body. His hands touch and caress your body, squeezing your waist and ass.

Slowly, he speeds up. The only sounds in the room are the slapping of skin, mixed with your moans and his growls. There’s a wet noise coming from you that would leave you embarrassed, but at the moment it turns you on even more.

One of Lucien’s hands run up your sides, nails trailing along your skin, and settles on your neck. His touch is gentle, yet his nails dig into the soft skin of your throat. And when he squeezes, barely cutting off the blood flow, your head gets a bit fuzzy, and you moan his name.

“Sweetheart,” he growls, squeezing your throat just a bit tighter.

“Luc- ah! Lucifer.”

Lucien growls and bares his teeth at you. In return, you tighten yourself around his cock, bare your teeth, and growl back. Lucien snarls and releases your neck. His hands wrap around your waist and he leans into you, burrowing his face into your neck.

He’s fucking you harder and faster than before. With each thrust, Lucien sends you closer and closer to the edge. His mouth latches onto to the side of your neck, the feel of his rough tongue sends chills down your spine. His hips move faster and harder, the ridges hit every wonderful spot inside you. You're lost in the bliss, not even caring that you back is scraping against the wall. When his teeth sink into where your neck and shoulder meet, you scream. The pain and the pleasure mix together, pushing you over the edge for the second time.

You cling to Lucien’s body, not trusting yourself to be able to stand. Your legs feel like jelly and it’s hard to focus on anything but Lucien’s warm body against you. His hair is so soft, and his shoulders are so broad. You feel so safe.

Lucien is breathing hard, his hands run up and down your sides. You smile when he nuzzles against the side of your neck and licks the bite on your shoulder. He’s rumbling low in his chest; it reminds you of a purring cat.

He pulls away first. Despite how gentle he is as he pulls out of you, you still whimper his name. You watch as his cum slips out of you. It’s dark with a slight shimmer to it, and just like him, it’s hot. Some of it runs down your leg while the rest hits the floor.

He says your name, but you can’t look at him.

“Sweetheart."

You look up at him and tighten your hold on his hair. For some reason, you suddenly want to cry. As if sensing the sudden shift in emotions, Lucien smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead. He hoists you up and presses you to his chest. He’s rumbling and speaking softly as he carries you to the bathroom.

He turns on the shower and heals the bite on your shoulder. Lucien helps you stand and begins to wash you. The water is warm, but Lucien’s hands are warmer. As he washes you, he speaks to you. He tells you how wonderful you were tonight; how strong and beautiful you are. When he wipes between your legs, he’s apologies at you whimper of pain.

“I’m sorry. I got too rough with you.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. How do you feel?”

“I’m really tired. And sore.”

Lucien nods and turns off the water. He wraps a towel around you and lifts you out of the tub. His goat features are gone, and he looks like he did before the killing. Lucien’s usually neatly slicked back hair is messier, strands fall in his face, and there’s a slight curl at the ends. He’s still shirtless and drops of water are splattered along his body. The tattoos from before are gone.

You say nothing as he carries you to your room, and sits you on your bed. He turns to look for some clothes, but you grab his arm.

“Lucien.”

He looks back at you and tilts his head. “Sweetheart?”

“What happens next?”

He lets out a heavy breath and sits beside you. “After I help you dress, I was going to handle the dead body and the mess.”

You nod and look away.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I… would you like to stay after you’re done?”

Lucien smiles and takes your hand. “If you want that, then yes, I’ll stay.”

He helps you dress and gets you into bed. As Lucien is leaving to clean up the mess downstairs, you call his name.

“Yeah?”

You quickly pull off your shorts and panties beneath the blankets and toss the panties at him. He catches them and looks at you curiously.

“Hurry up, Lucifer. I really, really, want to experience all of you.”

Lucien growls and his eyes darken. “Behave yourself, little one.”

“Make me.”

He narrows his eyes and gives you a sinister smile. You giggle and reach for him, not caring that the heavens are mourning the loss of their child. The sins you’ve committed, making a deal with the devil and the man you murdered, don’t cross your mind. The eternal damnation of your soul doesn’t sound like such a bad thing at the moment. Not when Lucifer himself crawls into your bed with that devilishly handsome smile on his face. No, not so bad at all.

#exophilia #lemon #you basically do the devil and kill someone #but he deserves it so don't worry

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takaraphoenix · 6 years

Note

I believe you didn't talk about your opinion of Riverdale's season 2 yet. (You know, in it's entirety and not just of some scenes.) But now I'm left curious. What do you think of the rest of the season? And since you wanted to find out on your own: Did you manage to correctly identify the Black Hood before it was confirmed in the show?

Oooh. Oh, sorry. I just always post the excitement when something, ya know, exciting happens. Still unsure about lengthy ramblings that seem too off-topic from the blog. (Yes, I am still pretending this blog has a theme. Let me. xD)

Oh dear, how do I put all the things into words and in order?

To sum it up briefly as an intro: I’m disappointed.

Now, more in detail.

Starting with the things I liked. Which are significantly less than the things I disliked, hence the overall verdict.

Toni is an amazing character and I love her addition to the show. I just hope she will get her own plotline next season, because this season she was only there to either further Jughead’s plot or Cheryl’s. I’m also very eager to see Toni’s and Cheryl’s relationship unfold, because boy do I ship it hard.

I really enjoyed FP and Alice Cooper’s development this season, much to my own surprise. Alice came out being one of my most hated characters first season, but I actually liked her semi-redemption arc and... I... somehow now ship her and FP? I am very disturbed by that, to be honest.

And... with that, we kind of reached the end of the things I enjoyed this season? Which, yeah, sad.

I didn’t like a single one of the main characters’ plotlines this season.

Archie and how his relationship with his father slowly came apart over the course of the season - despite it being semi-mended in the end, this whole arch seemed unnecessarily forced and in contrast to their portrayal in the first season.

Archie and starting his own fucking gang. TWICE.

Seriously. He gives Jughead shit for being a serpent, but then he goes ahead and starts his own gang. And the fucking names. Red Circle. Dark Circle. Wow. Such creativity, much awe.

Archie running after Hiram Lodge all season long was just... intensely disturbing to watch. He just allowed himself to be sucked in deeper and deeper.

So did Veronica and with her it annoyed me even more. First season Veronica seemed so much like the girl who was against her criminal father. And now she just... doubled down on the crime hard. And I genuinely don’t know what she was expecting? Because the girl acted like what happened was somehow a surprise or something in the end, when she turned against him again. Like. What... What did she think would happen...?

Then there was Betty’s plot.

I liked that she confided in Archie and her friends about the Black Hood and didn’t just do a solo gig. But her trying to get her brother and them just immediately accepting the creep into the family without so much as a fucking background check first.

And Jughead literally went from the sweet nerd with a blog to the fucking king of the gang. Like. Good lords, slow it down some. It seemed so incredibly rushed just how fast he came to accept the serpents as his family and the school as his home. I think that his “becoming a serpent and becoming king of the serpents” plot should have been stretched out over two seasons.

Cheryl’s plot was... so over the top too. Conversion camp? Her mom trying to murder grandma? And... her characterization was all over the place too. One second she is the Queen with the power-moves cutting her mom’s oxygen, the next she is the crying girl in the corner, weak and helpless. I mean, I get that with everything that happened last and this season to her, she wouldn’t be fully stable, but it really felt more like convenient writing. “Mh, we need more tension, so how about Cheryl is utterly helpless and defenseless in the next scene?” turning into “Oh but we could use a badass move, how about she just attacks the serial killer with her bow and arrows and without being the least bit intimidated?”.

Also Cheryl and Rose now living alone in the mansion... Honestly, instead of making her sick grandma her guardian, I think auntie Alice should have stepped up.

The relationship between Cheryl and Betty is really fascinating and I would genuinely enjoy seeing more of it. Like, having Cheryl move in with them, she can have Polly’s room. She would be forced to live a more down-to-Earth life.

The whole evil twin of her dad thing was really unnecessary. I mean. Seriously. It added absolutely nothing to the plot.

Just, overall, there was way too much going on this season for my taste.

And not just too much as in too many plotlines, also just... too dark, too deep, too heavy.

This show is indeed taking the Desperate Housewives route, but it hits it harder than I expected.

That is to say, the first season offers a genuinely intriguing, vaguely over-dramatic mystery that happens and that brings an unlikely band of protagonists together to solve it. Following seasons will so desperately try to top it that the dramatic event is completely blown out of proportions and loses absolutely all grasp on reality.

And that’s what happened this season.

We get a serial killer. And the mafia. And a psycho imposter brother. And an evil twin. And a conversion camp. And a gang war. And a serial rapist. And a drug problem.

That’s just too many “and”s.

First season worked perfectly. It had that one mystery that they had to solve and then some sub-plots around it. That mystery was one murder.

Now, to your other question regarding the Black Hood: HONESTLY HALF THE TIME I FORGET THAT HE IS A CHARACTER ON THIS SHOW.

Hal is so bland and so unimportant. When he made his first appearance this season, I legit went “OH right Alice has a husband! Ooops!”.

I figured it out at one point, but then they went misdirection with that second, or third, I lost count, Black Hood and I grew doubtful because why the fuck.

Last season, with daddy Blossom, it took me really long to figure it out. But when it was revealed, it was a thing that made sense. They set the mystery up so you had to work to figure it out, but it made sense plotwise.

This one? They purposefully wrote it so it doesn’t make sense.

There is no legit motive. They retconned some “Oh by the way his dad was a murderer but he pinned it on someone else and momma brainwashed him and Betty’s words in the last season finale were a trigger to turn him into a serial killer” so hard that it’s just pathetic.

And how he conveniently managed to stop killing when he got it pinned on someone else. That was literally only plot-convenience to make the viewer believe they got the right guy, because Hal had no logical motivation to stop killing. It was never about hiding his crimes? He literally wrote letters and made phone-calls and flaunted it in everybody’s face, why would he find a scapegoat and then stop killing? That’s just... bullshit. He should have, logically speaking, gone after like Hiram Lodge or some other scumbag criminal.

Nothing about that shit could have been guessed.

I mean, I did guess that Hal would be the son of the murderer. Or the one surviving child from the murder. But then they put the janitor in and killed that.

Last season’s mystery came natural. This one was forced in every way of the word.

That just completely took the fun out of it for me.

Well, that and the sheer amount of cruelty and brutality this season. There was no fun this season. Last season still had its lighthearted moments. This one didn’t.

It’s not just taking a bad Desperate Housewives route, that route is crossing streets with the bad Teen Wolf route of going grittier and darker and removing all color and fun from something that used to have color and fun and then somehow expecting that to be good. It is not. It never will be.

Either make something gritty and dark from the get-go so it attracts the right crowd of people, or make something that has jokes and lightheartedness in it and embrace that. But don’t attempt a genre-change like that. It’s a failure.

The musical episode was really out of place for me too. It didn’t fit to the tone of this season at all. Fun musical stuff could have gone with last season. Not to mention the musical could have been Kevin’s plotline. But... Kevin kind of didn’t get a plotline at all. He got one episode of musical thrown his way and that vague shit about him fucking in the woods and that was, essentially, it.

I am also not a hundred percent sure; did Betty and Jughead actually fuck or just make out...? I usually look away when they start undressing on screen and only look up again when the scene is over. I fail to see any reason for sex scenes at all, period, in literally any show, but especially so in a show about supposed teenagers? It’s just... weird for me. But if they did, fuck you show. I want asexual Jughead. Also, this ship has zero chemistry.

And can someone maybe get Betty a therapist now? Last season with her turning into psycho Betty with the fucking wig was already Really Disturbing, but she doubled down on that hard this season? And? Is she supposed to have some form of... personality disorder? Is that intentional? Either way, she helped cover up a murder this season and got psychologically tortured by her father who is a serial killer, so yeah please get her professional help.

So, yeah. That’s it.

I found this season too forced, too dark and too brutal and if the show doubles down on those elements with the same rate that it did from season 1 to season 2, then season 3 is going to be DCEU levels of dark and gritty.

I really hope they will slow down and that they will start remembering that you don’t have to rush from one traumatic, brutal event to the next murder to the next attempted rape and so on, but that you can... pause in between and put something more light in, to even things out. How do writers keep forgetting that...?

#Riverdale #Season 2 #Phoe's Random Show Rants #sunnnnyy

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secretlystephaniebrown · 6 years

Note

I'm new to the Batman comics and was wondering if you could answer a question? I saw another blog talking about Batman adopting kids and how it helped him recover which I follow for the most part. But then they said he relapsed after Jason. What happened to Jason? I don't mind spoilers, it helps me get through the darker parts.

… oh gosh you poor soul.

Okay so um.

Well first of all let me start off with saying that if you can find it, you should track down the animated movie Under the Red Hood. It’s a very solid, if streamlined, adaptation of everything I’m about to tell you, and it probably will do a better job than I ever could.

Let’s continue this under the cut, because this got long, and I have pictures, some of which will be… unpleasant, as will be the topics discussed. Warnings for violence, death, and references to sexual assault below!

Now, since you’re new to comics, I’ll give you a quick rundown.

(Batman (1940-2011) #368)

Jason Todd was the second Robin, and he had the misfortune of being the first attempt to make the role a legacy.

He was a very controversial figure. Dick Grayson was widely beloved, and while Jason had his fans, he also was present in a time in comics when many people, both among the readers and the writers for DC, believed that kid sidekicks weren’t dark enough, and fans of Dick often found Jason to be unlikable and too edgy. Jason smoked, he was lower-class and drew attention to a lot of the less palatable parts of Gotham, his mother died of a drug overdose, and he became Robin by stealing the tires off the Batmobile.

(Batman (1940-2011) #408)

And infamously, towards the end of his run as Robin, he might have possibly killed a rapist who would have gotten off otherwise because of diplomatic immunity.

Batman (1940-2011) #424

… yeah. That was a thing.

A lot of Jason’s “bad Robin” stuff which he has become slightly infamous for was in fact retconned in after… everything else, but, as seen in this story above, Jason was a character who was pushing a lot of traditional boundaries in Batman comics, and the violence and temper were there from the beginning, but it was presented as something that Jason was relatively in control of, and that Bruce was helping him with.

(Batman (1940-2011) #411 - for context, Two Face killed Jason’s father)

But Jason had some bright spots; he joined the Teen Titans briefly, he was Robin present for For the Man Who Has Everything, one of the most famous comic stories during that time, and had a pretty decent relationship with Dick Grayson (which… they retconned later.)

(Batman (1940-2011) #416)

And then, in 1988, one bright DC executive decided to try a gimmick to drum up publicity for the upcoming storyline Batman: A Death in the Family. (Because those always work out well.) It was decided that in the upcoming story, they would have a phone poll, to see if Robin lived or died.

The vote was taken, and the people spoke. Jason was to die.

(I’ll note here that there’s a LOT of controversy about the vote; apparently there was a robo-calling scam, people were charged per-call so younger readers couldn’t vote, people weren’t sure if the question pertained to Dick or Jason, and some people voted just to see if DC would actually do that.)

So Jason undertook a rather fascinating story where he discovered that the woman who had raised him wasn’t his birth mother, and began to track down his birth mother. After a few false leads, including Lady Shiva, he eventually tracked down his birth mother, Sheila Haywood, who was a volunteer doctor in Ethiopia. Jason and her had a relatively cute reunion, before it was revealed that Sheila was involved with the Joker, who was blackmailing her.

Batman (1940-2011) #427

Jason, against Bruce’s advice, revealed his identity as Robin to Sheila and offered to help. She then lured him into a trap, where the Joker beat Jason to near-death with a crowbar.

(Batman (1940-2011) #427)

While she smoked a cigarette.

Batman (1940-2011) #427

The Joker double-crossed Sheila, because he’s the Joker, and left her and Jason both to die in the warehouse with a bomb. Despite his injuries, Jason tried to rescue Sheila and get them both to safety, but he wasn’t fast enough.

(For the record, anyone who blames Jason for his death here can fight me. He was trying to help his mother, and it bothers me a lot that most interpretations cut out this angle.)

(Batman (1940-2011) #427)

Sheila, possibly having some regrets, managed to tell Bruce that Jason had tried to save her before she died. Jason had no such opportunity to exchange last-words with Bruce.

(Batman (1940-2011) #427)

Bruce had arrived at the warehouse just in time to see it blow up, which shook him to his core, and for which he blamed himself.

I can’t emphasize enough how huge this was to comics at the time; the death of Robin was a major shakeup to the status quo, and for years Jason Todd was defined as one of the three perma-dead characters in comics. (The others being Bucky Barnes and Uncle Ben.)

The Joker then… went off and had a wacky sideplot about getting diplomatic immunity by becoming the ambassador for Iran, and then he tried to blow up the United Nations. It was… weird.

But back to Jason, his death severely shook up Bruce for years.

Batman: Gotham Knights (2000-2006) #45

His costume literally haunted Bruce in the Batcave in the form of the memorial case, and Jason’s death affected Bruce’s relationships with the next three members of the Bat Family; Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, and Cassandra Cain, while the Joker became cemented in his place as The Man Who Killed Robin.

Batman: Gotham Knights (2000-2006) #44

Batman (1940-2011) #629

Brucefrequently hallucinated Jason, and his fears of losing anotherRobin/Batgirl/protege (compounded by the fact that The Killing Joke happenedjust beforehand) lead to extremely over-protectiveness towards Tim, and shaped hisentire relationship with Stephanie Brown prior to her run as Batgirl. Butthat’s a post in and of itself.

Jason came back from the dead in Under the Red Hood. (The movie version of which kind of… simplified Jason’s death by cutting out the bit about his birth mom. But the details vis-à-vis the Joker and the crowbar remained the same.) In the comic, we don’t see how Jason got resurrected, but it was revealed in a later comic that, in a major event called Crisis on Infinite Earths, a character named Superboy Prime punched the walls of reality and resurrected Jason Todd.

Batman (1940-2011) Annual #25

Yes. Really.

Anyways, Jason then had to dig his way out of his own coffin in one of the most horrifying sequences ever.

Batman (1940-2011) Annual #25

Jason then wandered Gotham in a catatonic state, living on the streets and scavenging for food, until he and his still-retained fighting skills were recognized by someone, who called Talia al Ghul. Talia tried to help Jason recover on his own, before realizing that wasn’t going to work, so she shoved him in the Lazarus Pit (against her dad’s wishes), which solved the catatonia, and, depending on your interpretation, possibly made Jason violent and angry.

Most more recent adaptations/continuity reboots chose to place Jason’s resurrection solely as a Lazarus Pit endeavor, which I’m iffy on, simply because Jason digging out of his own grave was an image that really stuck with me when I first read the comics.

After escaping from Ra’s, Jason started to figure out his new place in the world. Jason discovered that the Joker was still alive, and that there was a new Robin.

Batman (1940-2011) Annual #25

Red Hood: The Lost Days (2010-2011) #4

This enraged Jason, who set about on a multi-year journey to learn the “skills that Batman never taught him”, before making his return in Under the Red Hood. (Which, I should note, occurred almost directly after the infamous War Games saga, where another Robin, Stephanie Brown, was killed. This isn’t actually addressed in the story itself, but on a meta narrative level, it’s interesting to note.)

Batman (1940-2011) #635

Jason became a Crime Lord known as only The Red Hood, which was the Joker’s original nome-de-guerre. He played a series of mindgames and plots, before finally revealing his identity to Bruce. His endgame eventually lead to him kidnapping the Joker, beating him with a crowbar, giving Bruce a gun, and telling Bruce that he’d either have to shoot the Joker, let Jason kill the Joker, or shoot Jason. Bruce found a way around that, because he’s Bruce, but Jason vanished afterwards, leaving Bruce dealing with the fact that his greatest failure, to save Jason, had literally come back to haunt him.

Jason went on to be a villain/anti-villain of various flavors, featuring in Battle for the Cowl, and the preboot’s Batman and Robin by Grant Morrison, before getting an image shift in the Nu52, primarily in Red Hood and the Outlaws, which shifted him into anti-hero territory.

But that’s another story entirely.

Hopefully this has answered your questions! Panel credits all go to @renaroo, who’s always the best to call up for screenshots.

#Jason Todd #Steph Reads Comics #Bat Family #Bruce Wayne #DC #Steph Replies #Steph Speaks #Anonymous #anon #asks #Steph vs The Bat Fam

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shamelessnerd · 6 years

Text

Someone said, “RHatO has been fun, but Jay has gotta get back to killing.” I screamed with glee.

YES. YES FOR GOD'S SAKE, CUT OFF SOMEONE'S HEAD AND STUFF IT IN A DUFFLEBAG YES!

Why does he need to get back to killing? Because that's what antiheroes DO, it's why we tune in FFS! His entire THING is that he genuinely believes the no-lethal rule hurts more than it helps, and just promotes a revolving-door system of criminals getting out to reabuse again and again and again. Remove the criminal permanently, you drop the crime rate by a small, permanent percent. I happen to personally and wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. It's not like Jason has ever (when written CORRECTLY, mind you) gone off shootin' down just any ol' one, he kills people that are constant repeat offenders, rapists, drug lords, traffickers, the worst of the worst that show no remorse or impetus to change. He takes them out! And it's damn righteous seeing an asshat that REALLY had it coming get a bullet to the head with all the same remorse they showed to their victims. It's satisfying, it's brutal, it's necessary, because while Batman and Friends uphold ideals, Jason and company hold the front line against the worst of crime.

Yes, PLEASE, enough with this, 'I promised Batman I wouldn't kill' crap. That just IS NOT JASON, he's never compromised on that before. Not killing in Gotham -- okay. Sure. I can see if they laid out a truce like that. No killing in DaddyBats sandbox -- but everywhere else is free big game, you know? It’s time to put the crazies in the ground where they can’t hurt anyone ever again.

I REALLY WANT to see that ruthless edge so defining of Jason’s entire philosophy to come back. Much as I enjoy RHatO right now, I think it could be 300% more fun to see that brutal edge come back in, especially juxtaposed with Bizarro’s more child-like view of the world. Maybe Jay doesn’t want Bizarro to kill at all, but himself and Artemis can do it no problem. Imagine the scene of him trying to explain why that is to Bizarro. Imagine the character depth to be explored there. This comic is just dripping with opportunity that is wasted because the titular character isn’t allowed to pull the goddamn trigger.

Stop treating this whole team-bonding and no-killing shtick like it’s good for his character. It’s not going to change him, so instead of doing anything it’ll just stagnate. It almost feels like he’s had kid gloves put on him, that if he kills it’ll cause some massive mental breakdown. Uh, that is old hat, those issues have been handled and their influence is here to stay. Damage done. I don’t want to read a comic about how Jason is ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’ of his killing nature. NO! EFF THAT NOISE! That’s like saying ‘oh, don’t worry, we know places that can cure your being gay!’ Nothing could be more wildly insulting or blind. This is an essential, immutable part of who Red Hood is, we like him for it, we love him for it and for all the problems that it causes and how he always sticks to his guns -- literally. Now bring back what’s so defining of this character and let him blow up a cartel.

Before anyone pipes up about how you can’t kill and NOT be psychotic -- screw that noise, I don’t care, it’s comics. He isn’t psychotic in my book. He’s doing what’s needed to be done and no one else is gonna step up to do it so he might as well get his hands dirty. If that’s the way it’s gotta be, that’s the way it’s gotta be. You’re psychotic if you kill and get off on it, or feel nothing at all. It’s pretty clear Jason kills and feels pissed off about it. He doesn’t ENJOY it, it’s just work that has to be done. It’s dirty, it’s unpleasant, it’s disgusting -- but the price of not doing it is far far worse than the alternative. It’s the mentality of a professional soldier, and we don’t go calling the armed forces psychos, do we?

”People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.” -- W. Churchill

(PSA: If you do call the armed forces psychos, freaks, sadists or anything of the mentally-ill shaming nature: You should be ashamed that so many brave men and women gave their lives and continue to endanger themselves and the cohesion of their families to make sure you stay safe.)

I will probably write a whole thing about killing and psychoses and the incredibly well documented non-relation between the two, (surprise! most killing happens in self defense and people don’t feel guilty about it and aren’t insane!) but I don’t have time for it now. Tune in later.

Razzy out.

#Red Hood #Jason Todd #Red Hood and the Outlaws #rant #meta #little meta #quote #I just get so worked up #please don't throw stones #I just hate it when people try and 'fix' him and blame it all on mental illness #Support the armed services

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

Vol. 10

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Killer Couples: Toybox Killings *An interstate prostitute escapes from a Truth or Consequences, New Mexico "rape dungeon" after being held hostage by a near retirement park ranger party animal and his much younger but still nearing middle aged yet still a white trash party girl at heart lover and willing accomplice. Oxygen network thrives on this kind of investigative murder porn, but gives mixed signals when the show's main sponsor is Oxygen's previews for a feel good family sitcom featuring Damon Wayans.* either zero or 2 stars

Breaking Greenville: You Are Now Safe *An orange tanned, obnoxious news anchor goes weird on the air and starts having a midlife crisis while talking inappropriately to the viewers about his pending divorce. The same guy brings together his news crew, in his small apt, to give them facial masks and it gets surreal looking at newspeople being reality tv stars buying for fifteen minutes of fame with these strange painted faces. Then, a nerdy meteorologist gives an awkward report from a tornado bunker, followed by a spunky morning reporter trying her hardest to be serious for a story of a church burning. A news veteran, with a walrus mustache, gives the spunky reporter advice, while inhaling a chocolate covered donut, to cover more stories about happy topics like food.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Plastic Surgery, Nip-pocalypse *Put a bag over your head, if you must, but don't put a butterfly tattoo on your ankle.* close to 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: Season 1 Episode 12 *"There's nothing like being part of the team. That feeling that you're just an insignificant part of a much larger scheme." All for one and one for all. You can't handle the truth or pull the sword from the stone. "Human flesh is the ultimate fun food."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Look Around You: Ghosts *They're there in their room.* close to 3 stars

Hippies: Muddy Hippies *Pitching a tent with the socialist state, landing in doo doo, and selling out to the bank.* 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 4 *The original Gong Show had acts more absurd and interesting than 20 something hipster nerd that's kind of good at yo yo or stripper catholic school chick lesbo act that's entertaining only at bachelor and frat parties.* running from 1 to close to 2 stars

=== Ghosts Adventures, Aftershocks with Zak Bagans: Zozo

*D-bag Zak puts on a sports jacket over his muscle shirt to give some former haunted people, from the show, a bit of paranormal therapy, Dr. Phil style.

The poor sap on this episode gets hammered with accusations that his conjuring of a demon via a oujia board (available at toy stores and gag gift shops in malls nationwide) led to his ex-wife having an affair with the nasty spirit and to her current stay in jail.

You can't make this stuff up. Oh, wait... you can, and they did, and it's as laughable to watch as it sounds.

Also, and I'm not making this up, there's some kind of contention, that needed to be explained by host and guest, about said lady's crotch odor actually not being her fault and instead was a sulfur smell from the pits of hell.

No kidding.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------

---- 12:01 Beyond --- Episode #5 --- Love Is Sex Misspelled ---------

*RKO cartoon - Cupid Gets His Man: An all out Cherub amorous assault on an old maid and an old bachelor.* 2 stars

*Old school, praise-filled promo for the cult classic Dr. Caligari 1989.* 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo sends one out to the lovers who like to "cop a feel."* 2 1/2 stars

*"Eavesdrop on America's darkest secrets." Intimate Secrets "Adults only. $2.00 per minute. Classic sleazy 900 number phone service.* 3 stars

*Ninja the Mission Force - "N" Is For Ninja: "Keep your money in your shoe." and your heart off your pajama sleeve.* close to 3 stars

*Super retro anti-drug cartoon circa late 60s or early 70s from Hanna Barbera.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serials - The Crimson Ghost in Chapt. 5 'Flaming Death': Collision course on a collision course.* 2 stars

*Ballroom Dance Floor (interesting music video inspired by the Great Gatsby.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grindhouse trailer showing an "Oath of Green Blood."* 2 1/2 stars

*Mr. Lobo romances a potted plant.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*A big costume heart shows up and sings to Mr. Lobo and his potted lady.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tom Sizemore in "Bad Love": Tom is Lenny -a lowlife, jealous, pathetic, controlling, abusive, mostly terrible lover/boyfriend to this short-haired city chick, who could do much better but is too dumb to try, in a saxophone and soft piano filled skid row setting softcore sex in the mid 90s romance flick.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Videotape advertisement for satellite signal descrambler to have "American eXXXtasy" available to all those using a video cipher 2 for only a few hundred bucks. Get all the porn you want, same as an average schmoe in a trucker hat and a plaid shirt.* 3 stars

*A colorized King Kong goes car shopping for a Volkswagen to haul his captive sweetie around in a 1960s or early 70s car advertisement.* close to 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo can't get any privacy or satisfaction from the invasive Heart mascot, a cloud of poisonous urinal cake gas, or a post-apocalyptic plant lady mishap.* 2 stars

*Classic TNT Monstervision theme song, sung by Joe Bob Briggs, intro video where Joe Bob can't get any love from the hot, white trash bimbo TNT "Mail Girl."* 3 stars

*"Red Nightmare": Jack Webb stands on suburban street corners, staring into windows, abducting family men, who won't get in line and act like a good American, sending them to Soviet society where their freedoms are stripped away. Jack Webb is too ignorant to see the irony of his own thoughts and actions.* 1 star

*Superman in "Jungle Drums": "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!" Superman saves Lois from stereotype African savages who are trying to sacrifice her for not spilling top U.S. Navy ship location secrets to the savages' Nazi overlords." 3 stars

*"Women fear being raped, but it's double the fear if it's in outerspace and by aliens." in this grindhouse quality trailer for "Insemenoid."* 3 stars

*Colorful, quirky, scale model filled XXX outerspace adventure with horny space women, Harry Potter look-a-like with his Hogwarts professor sidekick, and overtly gay alien ship's computer voice. "Spaced Out." a grindhouse style trailer.* 3 stars

*"Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders" another retro trailer.* 3 stars

*Mr. Lobo is the last man on earth, left to his own devices -licking telephone receivers.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Zero stars for the annoying voice over lady who complained during everyone of her intros. Was an enhancement the first few episodes of 1201, but for this episode it was a real detraction. Not sure if it was part of the act, or if it was a legitimate show of feelings. Either way, it sucked. Get rid of it, and her, if necessary.*

===========================================================

VH1 sneak preview "Hot Grits" *Another insipid reality mess featuring "good looking" people, this time the cast being overprivileged 20 somethings from the southern United States (A number of other cable networks have similar shows. So, it's already a tired premise.) and VH1 really is daring its idiotic viewers to "hate watch" the awful people and antics on this steaming vomit, served in a bowl, excuse for a tv show.* zero stars

Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst: Blood Debts, The Tomb, and Undefeatable *Generic Charles Bronson with a tiny cannon and a wife named simply "his wife" in the movie's credits, then a Indiana Jones rip off that has nearly zero action... limited stars' screentime... and phone filled exposition, followed finally by a mom jeans karate lady in a universe where everyone knows karate and an eyeball ripping out serial rapist is on the loose.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum: Continuum *Communal state of delusion.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Hellphones versus Interthreat *Electronic etiquette.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: Bitter Potion *Poisoned by Pie. Scratch that. Poisoned by Coca-Cola. Better yet, poisoned by a member of MENSA. A real 'Walter White type' chemist / former meth cook.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Fatal Lisa *"Getting it on (on the hood of a Dodge Viper, which is true love)" with a genie who won't take no for an answer.* 3 stars

Wizards and Warriors: Night of Terror *For the night is long and filled with spiders.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: The Prometheus Parabola *John Wayne and Arcane have a tech-war shootout showdown.* either 1 or 3 stars

Viper: Firehawk *"Beware the Bandersnatch" Urban assault and compromising situations of a vehicular nature.* either 1 1/2 stars or close to 3 stars

Spicy City: Manos Hands *Redbeans, bongo musica, and bruja? brewha?* close to 3 stars

X Files: Darkness Falls *Pitch black.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Mother Earth Bitch *Throwing a live chicken, wearing a jet pack, into the air is not pollution.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Forensic Files: Fatal Fungus *Mold takes hold in the ghetto.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Reawakening *Castle and community.* close to 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Gatorbait *Passive aggressive "Prelude to oblivion."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop the series: Trouble In Delta City *Strange side effects. Tame violence and hokey characters are just fine when the satire is funny and biting.* close to 3 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 episode 5 *This show is so far removed from the spirit of the original Gong Show that it reminds one of a skanky Hard Rock Cafe amateur talent night. Adam Sandler's production company "Happy Madison" is in charge of the show, so that says something about the quality and the reason why this episode featured two unworthy, obnoxious female friends of his who were also "actresses" in one of his terrible movies (Something something Zohan).* 1 1/2 stars

Everything Is Terrible -----------------

*Family Easter Hell!: "Because he lives, we can face tomorrow. Now, here's an egg." A decorated egg.* 3 stars

*Christ Or Die: Too busy to hear about salvation? Think it's nonsense? Boom, comically horrible death without redemption.* 3 stars

*Jesus Has A Big Dick!: #BOING!# "That's right!" Gitty up, little doggie.* 3 stars

----------------------------

VH1 Classic --- Pop Up Video --- Episode 3

*Meredith Brooks - "Bitch": A female dog was the first earth creature to orbit in outerspace.* 3 stars with pop ups 2 1/2 stars without pop ups

*Gin Blossoms - "Allison Road": According the the U.S. Census Bureau, you are watching television right now.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

*Madonna - "Take A Bow": Madonna wanted to get knocked up by Dennis Rodman. True fact. And true that she is as pretentious as this gorgeous 90s artsy music video.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

*Milli Vanilli - "Girl You Know It's True": The only thing true about Milli Vanilli was they were both lip syncing.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars (guilty pleasure) without pop ups

*Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry, Be Happy": "Happiness is a psychiatric disorder."* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 stars without pop ups

----------------------------------------------

Look Around You: Sulphur *"9 hundred billion, billion, billion, billion matches."* 3 stars

Twitch City: People Who Fight Too Much *"Alleged spontaneous nature of..." dynamics.* 3 stars

Crossballs, the debate show: Voting, Electile Dysfunction *Don't "Rock the Vote!" More people coupon than vote. Voting should be fun like the lottery or the Pepsi Challenge.* 3 stars

The Ben Stiller Show: season 1 episode 13 *"Doomed souls wander the earth, unfit for either Heaven or Hell." Special guest Howie Mandell, and a Jeffersons reunion.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Bad Dudes Versus Dragon Ninja" (A Data East arcade game) *In 2015, Islamic terrorists are beheading innocents, Hillary is once again running for the highest office in the land, and a moron lands a gyrocopter on the lawn of the capitol building. In the 1980s, we had a president named "Ronnie" and he was kidnapped by ninjas.* close to 3 stars

"Shaq Fu" (*Brought to us by PEPSI and ego*) *Shaq wanders into an Oriental antiques shop, the kind that would sell a Mogwai to a stupid Westerner. The little old man sends him to retrieve a golden child from an ancient realm where Shaq ventures across what looks like the map from Super Mario World for the SNES and there he beats up voodoo women, cat women, and stereotype Universal style monsters.* 2 stars

Hippies: Disgusting Hippies *Young punks think Simon Pegg's hippie newsletter editor character is a cunt.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Killer Party *"Did you just turn my parents into teenage party animals!?!"* 3 stars

The Greatest American Hero: Reseda Rose *First off, it's crummy being an 80s kid with a flakey parent who won't spend her weekend with a kid at the zoo, 'cause she's too busy with her acting in commercials career. Then The Greatest American Hero breaks Superman's privacy rule by using his x-ray vision powers to peak through walls at a cocktail waitress hogtied by Russian undercover spies.* close to 3 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 6 *More b list celebrities flirting with Las Vegas "rawker" looking skanks and trying way too hard to be edgy talent/comedy routines.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: The Dental Convention *Oral hypnotism. Bob's "matter of fact" attitude charms the masses and puts off his smarmy, new age dental clinic dental school classmate at a dental convention in Frankfurt, Germany.* close to 3 stars

Flinch (Vertigo - DC Comics) ------

*Mostly White: Women lose their small child during the insipid panic surrounding a big department store's Christmas rush. Reminds one of a more bleak Storm of the Century by Stephen King.* close to 3 stars

*The Harvester: Surgery of harvesting a deadbeat's organs goes through, even with the moral dilemma of the supposed braindead deadbeat not being dead.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sitter!: A neurotic slacker gets stuck babysitting his thug friend's wrapped in plastic dead stripper girlfriend's body that he shows up at his apartment with.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------

--- The Ben Stiller Show: Unaired Sketches

*An absurd and kooky wrestling characters battle royale. Ben dresses up like a deformed Ron Perlman and along with Bob Odenkirk and Andy Dick predicts the sad, pathetic lives of what would become "furries" in a mascot competition.

'Hard Edition,' a Hard Copy tabloid tv show parody keeps catching a horny, teenage Andy Dick whacking off to nudey magazines.

Three's Company era Don Knotts portrayed by Andy Dick joins a spandex wearing and lasso swinging Ben Stiller infomercial workout expert and his dominatrix.

Bob Odenkirk is a creepy, conspiracy theorist sitting on a bench in a park rambling about cancer, Dick Clark, Elvis, adult diaper cartels, tainted peanut butter assassinations.*

(I can see why some of these didn't make the cut, but still funny.)

3 stars

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Crossballs, the debate show: Sex Battle USA *A flamboyant pansexual Matt Besser character gets bitchy with a conservative reverend who believes the sexes should act their sex. A feminist has to explain the 1964 Civil Rights act allowed for women's rights not to be sexually exploited in the workplace. Ha. A business consultant thinks that the WNBA should dress their ladies like the Lingerie Football League so that they'll stop be unsuccessful in the ratings and attendance. A crazy inventor presents a robot vagina for the workplace.* close to 3 stars

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs (SNES) *So we've got an evil sorceress Latoya Jackson look-a-like, a turkey behind a computer terminal, and a jacked up toad zipping its way through hordes of pig-beasts wearing amateur wrestling singlets and viking helmets, raccoons with magnets, moles on checker board pieces all through fast flying obstacles and platform puzzle levels, like one where the toad has to hang on for a ride on the back of two tropical snakes through the holes of their tunnel nest. A rare gem alongside Donkey Kong Country and Rayman.* close to 3 stars

Death Rattle #18 (Kitchen Sink Comix) -------

*Bulto the Cow Camp, Thirty Years Later....: Historical and allegorical tales of ancient deposits of precious minerals sought by 19th century men of manifest destiny with gold and silver twinkling in their beady eyes.* 3 stars

*The Old Wisconsin That I Knew: Musings of an early 20th century bigot thinking back on when he and the white man could exploit and show unpunished cruelty to the red man out in the frontier of Wisconsin. Thanks to nature's natural ways, a cruel fate meets the old bastard in the most bleak and darkly poetic way possible, spilling his guts before his eyes and leaving his bones to be drenched by pounding rains and dried by the menacing sun.* 3 stars

*Small Acts of Revenge: A loner, whose overbearing parents still haunt him from the grave, tries to escape reality into the grotesque world of Tales from the Crypt style comics. That is when he's not being haunted by the gruesome visages of the victims of his wrongfully applied revenge.* close to 3 stars

*When I Grow Up: Kids playing make believe, on a suburban lawn, see a shooting star. A somber girl makes a wish, and strangely they begin aging and acting out the drama of their teenage through adulthood to middle age and death life sorrows.* close to 3 stars

----------------------------------

The Angry Video Game Nerd: Atari Porn *In the early days of videogames, designers were happy just to be able to pixelate penises, humping, and ejaculating. It was that immature. Take history's tragic a-hole, General Custer, and have him dodging arrows so that he can poke a naked Indian chick tied to a cactus. Have a guy jerking off on top of a building with willing naked bimbos below to catch his falling semen. How bout a topless witch squirting milk to men with their goobers poking out of their pants? Or even a juvenile fantasy of a poorly pixelated naked chick stalking a neighborhood and breaking into houses to hump men in their sleep?* 1 star for the shitty games 3 stars for Nerd enduring the absurdity of it all

Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City (Electronic Arts for Super Nintendo) *When Michael Jordan was the most exciting athlete in the world, he was careful about how he had his image used. He'd play Larry Bird in a ridiculous game of h-o-r-s-e for a Big Mac or Pepsi, and he'd sell overpriced sneakers in an arthouse commercial co-starring and directed by Spike Lee, but you couldn't live out your dreams of being like Mike in basketball videogames like the awesome arcade dunkfest NBA JAM. No. At the time, you could play this game and bounce a basketball around a haunted, flooded, bat infested house / dungeon to platform hop and rescue Michael Jordan's NBA All Star team-mates.* 1 1/2 stars

Look Around You: Music *Don't play the forbidden notes.* 2 1/2 stars

Obscurus Lupa Presents: Pocket Ninja *If you were an 80s or early 90s kid, you were a martial arts spazz. You watched Ninja Turtles, you watched 3 Ninjas (barf), Surf Ninjas (laughs). and you were a threat to kick another kid or adult in the nuts while stupidly attempting karate. This one, Pocket Ninja, is a relic of its time. It's a cheap and direct to video IMDB bottom 100 "movie" featuring poor editing, awful slapstick in place of entertaining chop sockey, bad acting 90s brats, and a lot of taking itself not serious at all while thinking it's funny when it's not.* 2 1/2 stars for Obscurus Lupa's review and 1 star for the movie clips

=== Dead Rising *2006* (All story cutscenes in movie form)

*I'm not here to discuss the sandbox gameplay.

The cutscenes play like any other zombie outbreak flick, and nicely, with the usual mad science government conspiracy gone wrong.

This time with a theme of Americans' insatiable lust for red blooded meat and the abuse of the third world to get it.

Like with their Resident Evil series, Capcom nails the ambiance of a survival horror story with the crawling up on your shoulder sounds and music cues, and the mall setting is a nice homage to Dawn of the Dead.

Expect over the top acting performances from the CGI created stars and voice actors.

But unfortunately like more recent Capcom survival horror games it strays off the path with too big of a narrative scope and not knowing when to stop and what genre to stay in

(zombie wasps, Oriental stereotype psychopath butchers and grocery store managers gone mad, and an ending involving a military jeep battle with a tank commanded by the type of military a-hole like in Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket).

Other than that it fits in nicely with the zombie revival craze of the 2000s.*

2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Xenophage, Alien Bloodsport (Story Mode) *A "faces of meth" David Duchovny look-a-like, in a Canadian tuxedo, along with a Gillian Anderson look-a-like, both get abducted by the United Federation of Planets & Hokey Outer Space Martial Arts Tournaments. Nick (Duchovny) is midly disturbed by this. Think Mortal Kombat meets Celebrity Deathmatch levels of uncanny valley faces on the two humans. Of course, these two everyday Joe and Jane pair can hurl energy blasts from the palms of their hands, as requirement by all fighting games. The lizard / insect alien creature designs are at least visually interesting and deserve to belong in a better mid-90s sci fi PC game.* 1 star

River City Ransom (NES) *This game lives up to its name. You pretty much walk along the streets, by a river, in a nice Japanese (posing for American, I guess?) city, getting hit in the back of the head by "student" thugs, with street gang weapons, as you try to rescue your girlfriend from a high ranking crime lord named Slick. Sounds like the plot for many other 80s beat 'em ups / karate movies, and it is. Charming little title with the bite sized NES and cute little Japanese flare, including a bad side of town called "Generic Guy Territory" or something along those lines. And don't worry about the enemies, because our hero has a superfast kick attack that would make Street Fighter's Chun Li's loins quiver.* 2 1/2 stars

"No Exit" (Amiga) *A 2D fighter that looks like it pre-dates both Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. More like Mortal Kombat, though, and a possible influence (?) on the series. It contains small character sprites but they can perform special moves like turning into killer fish and screaming banshee faces. There's even a hilarious finishing move sequence where the loser walks around headless, with the head floating just there, before they collapse into a pool of blood and electric sparks. The backgrounds are dark and gothic with demonic statues and menacing trees with faces, again like Mortal Kombat. Also there's an intro screen / possible box art with a regular Joe street fighting man set against a dark and gritty cityscape with the 'Satanic-goat-horned' image of what must be the main villain against the background, and that's just pure exploitation goodness for ya.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 2 Minute Super Soul Brother *"Doing it" in the name of science (?), money (?), bulletproof skin, mad science midgets, and big tittied blonde women.* 3 stars

Mortal Kombat: Defenders of Stupidity *Kombat krazy white chick special operative in gymnastics attire, untrustorthy ninjas of all kinds of variety, bumbling super computer wizard Native American stereotypes, and a black dude with bionic arms who calls a Thunder God the unflattering insult name of "girlfriend."* 3 stars

Eternal Champions (Sega Genesis) *A 1920s gangster, who knows kung fu, is teleported to a mystical martial arts tournament after his death. Fight against trident wielding mer-men, prehistoric brutes, neo ninja chicks, and cyborg dudes in a colorful Street Fighter 2 clone.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst ---------

*Ghetto Blaster: An urban warfare expert returns to his home city and finds it full of crime. After the convenience store robbery death of his dad and the brutal burning to death of his old black man friend (and his alley cat), the guy decides to take action. Pulling off mildly harmful clown pranks on the goofy acting gang bullies around town.* either 1 star or 2 stars

*Terror In Beverly Hills: "Terrorists have kidnapped the President's daughter and are holding her hostage in the old bean factory." (PfffHAA!) Cue keyboard cat-lady and Frank (totally not Sylvester) Stallone.* either 1 star or between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Killing American Style: Elephant Man look-a-like Robert Zadar and his gang of escaped convicts and sex perverts pull off a violent / half assed home invasion "thriller" at the home of a Rico Suave look-a-like and Steven Segal martial arts expert.* either zero stars (uncomfortable family murder / rape), 1 star, or 2 stars

Red Letter Media agrees that Terror In Beverly Hills is Best of the Worst

-----------------------------------------------------

Natsume and Milton Bradley present "Abadox" *Imagine Metroid for the NES, only with monsters ripped from the minds of H.R. Giger and Clive Barker.* 3 stars

"Guardians of the Hood" (Atari Arcade) 1992 *Some Jersey Shore rejects battle their way through a poorly digitized bad side of town filled with hookers and gangbangers and flashing perverts. Cheered on by a haggard looking gym owner similar to Mickey from Rocky. And unconvincingly menaced by a lipstick wearing model in "guy drag." In a tacky twist ending (to go along with the tacky rest of the game), the "Big Boss" (the model) takes off her old school gangster disguise and has a final fight with our steroid muscled and orange tan heroes while she wears dominatrix attire.* 1star

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Bulletproof *Gary Busey invents and overuses the catchphrase "butthorn." Whatever that means.* 3 stars

"Kakuto Chojin" (X-BOX) *In the early 2000s, industrial techno noise & nu-metal guitar riffs were a grating chorus to America's bleeding eardrums, and the same "xtremez" who enjoyed this were likely to take Fight Club literally. This game represents the kind of turn of Y2K, gritty, urban fist to face revivals supposedly going on in back alleys and parking garages across cities nationwide. Gritty, but pretty in the same way Ninja Gaiden could be on the X-Box hardware. And featuring a nice presentation effect of having the camera do a 360 degree slow motion pan around each KO. The most memorable thing about the game is the controversy around one character's Muslim extremist dialogue in the game. This lead to it being pretty much dead on arrival in the American videogame climate of the early days after 9/11.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"JoJo's Bizarre Adventure" (Dreamcast) *Over the top manga presentation style with characters drawn in the same way mannequins' faces are both appealing and appalling. Each fighter fights alongside a spirit / avatar being / creature. It's like the Monty Python cartoon, but creepier, cousin to all the other highly animated 2D Japanese fighting games of the 90s. Funniest moment, that I witnessed, being when a steam-roller gets dropped on a pug sized dog character and the opponent begins pounding the steam-roller, with his fists, as the dog whimpers beneath.* 2 1/2 stars

"Dark Edge" Sega 1992 (Arcade) *Set in a sprite art pixelated and nifty cyberpunk dystopia. Battle it out as leather clad ninja chicks on hoverboards, mech dudes with missiles and flying torpedo dive attacks, biological monsters, another guy in a monkey-fighting-style inspired mech suit, and a final boss that's a techno ghoul nightmare like out of Frank Miller's Ronin. Fighters can move around each other giving the illusion of early 3D gameplay, and featuring the upbeat style of 90s Japanese video game music and bad "Engrish" phrases like "Wound One" instead of round one.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Strider" Capcom (Arcade) *"All sons of old gods die!" Pretty dramatic, eh? Well, if Emperor Palpatine made a deal with space pirates, Amazon women, and robotic commies you wouldn't need no Jedi, Wonder Woman, Captain America, or Flash Gordon to save the day. Just take one arcade token and about 15 minutes and let a wall climbing ninja do what the galactic rebels couldn't do in a trilogy of movies.* close to 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Netforce *'So dated that it's funny' fearmongering about the dangers of global e-terror during the early days of the internet.* 3 stars

---- Virtual Pro Wrestling 2 (Nintendo 64)

*The world of pro wrestling is a niche part of entertainment culture.

Fans watch it for a variety of reasons:

kids who enjoy the heroic action, adults (who never grew up) for a more nostalgic reason, fandom fans who admire the celebrity surrounding the hunky dudes and buxom babes of the sport (er... sports-entertainment), and the internet wrestling community who dissect the current product and the past eras of the product and consider it an artform with varying degrees of level of quality of product and performance.

Well, you can't get more niche than a Japanese version of pro wrestling and a pro wrestling game that was made in the late 90s.

The popular AKI "No Mercy" wrestling engine featuring a legendary wrestler and anime character "Tiger Mask Number 2" and portrayed by a legendary Japanese wrestler (Misawa) who tragically died while performing his "art."

In this game, it's made weirder by the fact the game features a crowd of cardboard cut out Japanese wrestling fans.

Yeah, pro wrestling is niche, and weird, but it's fun, just like this wrestling game featuring great action and a great game engine that's had a lasting appeal of fun gameplay to play or watch for close to two decades.*

3 stars

============================================================

"Buriki One" (SNK) 1999 *Remember that scene in the movie "Lost In Translation" where Bill Murray couldn't get the tone right for his Japanese whiskey commercial? That's sort of what this game is like and that weird period of time when combat sports mayhem was trying to figure out just how to go about what would eventually become mixed martial arts like the UFC. Different styles of throwdown meet here, on the mat, including everything from karate to pro wrestling to low impact elderly ancient Chinese exercise technique (jk). It's interesting, but it works about as well and is almost as boring as the first time these different styles of sport met when boxing clashed with karate in the infamous Ali versus Inoki fight where one challenger, afraid of the other's fists, chose to lie on the ring floor and kick at the other like a scared rabbit.* either 1/2 a star or close to 2 1/2 stars

"3 Count Bout" (SNK) *Superficial and on the surface is a stigma when it comes to video game graphics. As soon as developers could make 3D and fans could get their hands on it, we entered into a trying time. Blocky and often ugly characters replaced sprite animation because it was the new thing. Dreary attempts at 3D environments were as fun to look at as getting about an inch away from a dirty, grey concrete wall and cracking your skull against it. Things have improved from those early days of 3D graphic experimentation, but at the time, I would have rathered stuck with something like this game. An early 1990s arcade button smasher featuring colorful kabuki ninjas throwing big bad Mad Max movie inspired bruisers around & into electrified deathtraps in a cheesy, and dated, --beat'em up-- 'eye candy' grappler.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

---- "Real Bout Fatal Fury Special" --Level 7 Ultra Hard-- (SNK Arcade)

*Playing as a Jacki Chan inspired Hong Kong super-cop wielding a set of nunchaku through a series of scantly clad karate babes, little old sensei who morphs into huge muscle bound badass, and dance fighting dudes from the Caribbean.

Finally beating the purple haired Euro-dictator-themed final boss, one would think that an arcade battler would be done munching one's quarters.

But think again. During the celebrating credits, the music changes to a wind instrumental samurai movie sounding theme and one is transported through a series of sliding open doors featuring beautiful classic Japanese artwork of feudal warriors.

It stops at a martial arts badass with his back turned towards the camera and standing amidst huge samurai warrior oni statues in a menacingly eerie flame lit dojo.

It's secret final boss, by the name of Geese Howard, who looks like a handsome American corp executive or presidential candidate and is ripped with muscles and decked out in kung fu threads.

The screen reads the bold words "Nightmare," as he precedes to backfist you in the mush and charge up monster truck tire sized energy blasts to pummel and embarass you with and make you feel like a loser, even though you beat the game.

It's cheap, you feel like a klutz, but it's pure unadulterated martial arts tournament cliche movie/game exploitation goodness to the last clud to the floor in agonizing defeat.*

3 stars

=========================================================

"Ninja Master's" (SNK/ADK) 1996 *From an artistic eye viewpoint, feudal Japan was one moody place. In this setting, one might witness a lone swordsman standing in a rainstorm with a flash of lightning to reveal ninja assassins creeping up on him, or a samurai sword clash in front of a desolate and overgrown farm overran by crows, then maybe another bloody encounter on a lone pier watched over by a willow tree above other trees in the newly flooded river with mountains in the distance, an honorable duel to the death might come in a cave filled with bats, and moonlit temples often played host to battles with evil samurai overlords like the dreaded Nobunaga and his sentient, burning blade.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Weaponlord" (Namco for the SNES) *Long before Namco mastered weapon based combat games with the Soul Calibur series, they jumped in on the Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat 2D fighter action. What it boils down to is stone aged brutes bashing other stone aged brutes, Viking women, and demonic brutes in the skull with swords, axes, and huge rocks tied to huge clubs with leather. Featuring an artistic style similar to a Frank Frazetta drawing -thanks to comic arist Simon Bisley who is famous for his dark fantasy artwork in Judge Dredd & Lobo. Eyecandy for fans of 1980s heavy metal album covers, sword and sorcery flicks of the same era, and readers of Conan the Barbarian pulps and comics.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

---"Sexy fights and brutal deaths in" **The Black Heart** (indie) *An indie (Mugen, a form of online fighting game mashup creator and sharing service) 2D fighting game with over the top super moves similar to Marvel vs. Capcom. However, darker than Capcom's own horror based fighter Darkstalkers. Inspired by the more bloody Silent Hill, Hellraiser, and the Japanese ghost genre of The Ring. It does feature a few comical characters like a twig man who smokes pot and wears a green suit like another silly horror villain in Warwick Davis's Leprechaun. Also there's a sexy "fan service" spider-lady who looks like something out of a Tim Burton stop motion movie.* 2 1/2 stars

"Abobo's Big Adventure" (New Grounds & I-Mockery) *The alternate history imagined tale of a random baddie from the arcade and NES classic "Double Dragon." The bald, mean faced, and lovingly dumb, newly protagonist murders his way through tons of classic NES game characters. It's a tribute / parody with a very morbidly entertaining sense of humor.* 3 stars

"Martial Masters" 2001 *Playing like a brightly colored cousin to Capcom or SNK fighters, but featuring a setting and cast from China of old. Gorgeously pastoral with scenes of old men sweeping the floors of temples as cranes pose gently near about, a monkey boy and his actual monkey friends dancing around, and children sitting in a meadow playing with and feeding a panda that's rolling to and fro for their amusement, along with the typical market scenes of the genre. For fans, like myself, of Shaw Brothers kung fu movies and modern fare like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.* close to 3 stars

Everything is Terrible: 3 Minute Unborn 2 *Overly dramatic bad horror movie about a killer baby that's such a horrible looking prop that it's even harder to take seriously than it already would be. Ends with mom having had enough and elbowing monster baby in the face, several hard times, before blowing herself and junior (and even more unbelievably the house) up with the old homemade explosive device in the microwave trick.* either 1 star or 3 stars

Dave's Nostalgia Trip: "Big Bang Pro Wrestling" (SNK) Neo Geo Pocket Color --2000-- *For a handheld wrestling game this has a nice presentation. The crowd is lively, the tunes have a headbobbing gentleness that's not so grating, and the action packs a bang (even if the game is bite sized). Any pro wrestling game where you can pull off a top rope moonsault has an instant fun factor.* close to 3 stars

Weird Science: Sex Ed *"You don't understand the meaning of the words funky cold medina, shoop a doop, zoom uh zoom zoom in the boom boom."* 2 1/2 stars

Manimal: High Stakes *Wild horses couldn't chase as much tail as Manimal.* either 1 star or close to 3 stars

Ed the Happy Clown: Issue 6 of 9 (Drawn & Quarterly Publications) *A micro-dimension has been discovered when the tiny head of another dimension's Earth's president Ronald Reagan appears as the penis head of a loser named Ed. Tiny pygmie savages, of the city, want to worship it as a penis god. And a tv show/government agency of science wants to investigate this other dimension, but they turn against the whole idea, rather violently, when they discover the only way to again contact this other dimension is to put the other dimension's Ron Reagan into a dimensional gateway that also happens to be the anus of a dead man. It's not the necrophillia that they have a problem with, it's the homosexuality.* 3 stars

"Burn: Cycle" (Phillips Compact Disc Interactive) --1994-- *"Sol Cutter has something on his mind... ...in two hours it's going to explode!" You kind of know what to expect from a dated full motion videogame when you hear something like that as a tag line. This one has all the cliches of the cyberpunk 90s genre: cityscape right out of BladeRunner only with poor 90s cgi, flying cars, high tech espionage plot, sinister new-age cult, cyber addiction, hipster nite club with neo-jazz music, and a main character who narrates his broken down in the gutter life like a noir tragic figure. It's like Johnny Mneumonic (sp?) with an "Everybody betray me!" Tommy Wiseau level of bad acting, yet dull.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Super Star Wars --SNES-- (Lucas Arts) *Storywise, it's the even more juvenile imagined parts of Episode 4 turned into a run and gun sidescroller. But in reality, it's set in a galaxy far, far away. A very long time ago before the edited special editions and prequels killed most of the magic of the series. And before Disney dug up the holy corpse to cash in on it. It's Luke blasting first and asking questions never, pulling an Annie Starkiller and wasting countless lives of Jawas, Sandpeople, and Stormtroopers. He hadn't really got a handle on the whole more peaceful side of the force yet. You can get Chewbacca (for a more whimsical approach) or Han (for a more morally ambiguous path). Still, it feels rather repetitive and very Duke Nuke'em instead of Jedi Knight or loveable space rascals.* 2 stars

"Mace: The Dark Age" (N64) *Some would say this 3D brawler wants badly to be either Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat. Especially with a voice announcer who demands "Execution!" after the final round. But you can't totally dislike a game that puts a dwarf in a steampunk powered war-mech built out of ale barrels and carrying a Thor hammer and spiked mace as weapons.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 7 *It all feels a little too rehearsed. Everyone of the contestants has an edgy or alt-2000s carnival act. Where are the true weirdos and not these phonies?* 2 stars

Spicy City: Tears of a Clone *One in a million girl with a one in a million genetic code. But not anymore, and hardly worth the trouble. Still, you kind of feel for her.* 3 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn, the series: Self Contained *Owed a soul and a crossing over.* close to 3 stars

Farscape: Family Ties *A cross between the lunar landing and Return of the Jedi, only more bleak.* 3 stars

Attack On Titan: Episode 1 *Taking the tired concept of refuge from a horde of cannibalistic humanoids (zombies) and turning it on its head. This time instead of thousands of zombies clawing outside a wall or a building, it's giant, mindless humanoid cannibals clawing outside a giant wall. The people inside are shaken from their sense of comfort when one is big enough to bring even the huge walls down for the first time in a 100 years or something. Made even more entertaining by the grandiose over the top anime style acting and voice performances. Also, this show reminds me of SouthPark, for some reason (maybe the kids?), and that's definitely a good thing.* 3 stars

Everything Is Terrible: 3 Minute Death Drug *Angel Dust makes Miami Vice's Phil Michael Thomas go crazy and destroy a supermarket.* either 1 star or 3 stars

"Nasty Hero" circa 1980s or officially 1987 via 'The Private Movie Company Inc.' (ooh fancy) *A real Neandertal is released from the slammer after being framed for a crime he didn't commit. Now he's out for ridiculous action movie revenge. He always wears a dirty wife beater or mechanic's shirt (hence the name Nasty Hero, I guess). He'll have to take down the blackmarket sports car ring of obnoxious yuppies out to make his life a living hell. The main douchebag is even after his old flame Yolanda (*snickers*). Set in the "So 80s it hurts!" time period in the thousand flushes blue toilet bowl of America that is known as Florida. And featuring a ton of bad movie cliches and homo-erotic moments. Still, the cheese and action goes down easy.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Heart She Holler: Fear Is Dog Spelled Bassackwards *Perversion of the conversion. Regular folk, n-word, chicken dinner.* 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: The Soul is the Warrior *A rose grows beyond the wall.* 3 stars

--- "Daraku Tenshi, The Fallen Angels" (Psikyo) 1998

*Usually fighting games don't have a uniting theme when it comes to stages.

If they can animate it, then they'll fight anywhere from the jungle to outerspace.

Even if it doesn't make any sense.

Here is not the case. The setting being a decade after a major cataclysm leaves a west coast city, with an obvious Asian influence, in the climate of a cesspool and never recovering from the disaster.

It makes sense then that a dirty karate master, who is followed around by flies, would fight in a dingy back alley near the trash dumpsters in which he'd fight cats for his supper.

Or a somber, rainy graveyard which would be filled with victims of the earthquake.

The criminal element, like crazed kung fu dudes in leather jackets and hired gunmen, would go for the little bit of human blood left in encounters in dingy bars that are in disrepair and haven't seen a patron in years.

Fat, mutated freaks would fly into fight in tire filled junkyards with the rubble of the never cleaned away destroyed city as the backdrop skyline.

It really has a beautiful art style.*

3 stars

====================================================

"Mortal Kombat versus DC Universe" (Warner Bros.) --2008-- *Most modern videogames play like movies, but they often find a hard time defining whatever generic protagonist is the lead. The lead usually designed by committee to fit the bland tastes of a mass audience. Fighting games and superhero comics don't have the problem of generic characters. They're usually bold. This game plays like a movie and has an ensemble of really bold characters. But these two "universes" don't mesh together out of a "Gee, what if?" concept put down on paper. I applaud the cinematic effort, which the MK team would improve on somewhat in the sequel/reboot (Mortal Kombat 2011). Still here, it's awkward and filled with unintentionally funny moments and dialogue (a lot of it laughed at by The Joker who almost seems in on how ridiculous it all is). either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---- "Samurai Showdown" II thru V-Special (SNK)

*In my early teens, during the 90s, I was an Mortal Kombat fan.

I wish I would have had better taste. The gore and juvenile humor and dark fantasy appealed to my angst ridden desires.

At my local arcade, no one crowded around the Street Fighter machine. Even the Marvel versus Capcom series didn't appeal to me, though a few years earlier, I was a big fan of the X-Men cartoon.

Nope, me and the neighborhood kids craved blood, guts, farts, glimpses of titties, gangster rap, Beavis & Butthead, Summer blockbuster movies, alt-rawk.

In my early 20s, I started appreciating Samurai movies on cable, and in my later 20s, I began reading Lone Wolf & Cub samurai manga.

During the 16 bit 2-D fighting game craze, I wish I had been sopisticated enough to have taken notice to this highly artistic, and yet still bloody and fun, take on Samurai and a fighting game.

It does a lot of what made Mortal Kombat appealing to my teen tastes, but with a master stroke that has the lasting effect of standing the test of time as true art and not mindless "junkfood" fun that really has more of a nostalgia appreciation value (like Mortal Kombat).

3 stars

=================================================================

--- Jason Vorhees special guest character in "Mortal Kombat X" --2015--

*My generation had a lot of movie boogeyman.

They were so much in our young, collective conscious that they were almost urban legends seemingly lurking in the woods at the end of the street.

Kids, today, could care less. When, the internet "nerd culture" began reporting on this horror icon coming to a fighting videogame, the comments sections below the articles read something like this, "Laaame, LOL, who'z this f@g, no one wants thhis hockey face lozer INOURGAME!!!!"

To that I say, this guy invented "fatalities," kid.

He was figuring out ways to dismember long before there was even a Mortal Kombat or the outrage of a fatality in a videogame.

More than that, you were probably not even alive or were in diapers when Mortal Kombat was originally popular.

Jason even had a videogame that was terrible, but still gave my generation, including me, nightmares.

I remember, to get nostalgic again, the first time I saw it. It was at my weird next door neighbors.

The dad had an artificial leg and beat his kids and made them go to bed before dark.

But for some reason he was nice to any kid not his. Even weirder he had an NES that seemed to be more his than his kids.

He showed me, and another neighbor kid (not his), the Friday the 13th NES game, and seeing a hockey mask wearing purple-boogeyman stalk victims in 8-bit had me eyeing the door to escape not just the creepy one-legged neighbor but this pixelated killer.

Cheers to Jason's return to videogames and to the collective conscious of dumb, videogame playing youth everywhere.

Even if they don't appreciate it.*

2 1/2 stars

=================================================================

"Tattoo Assassins" (Data East) 1995 *This "game" strived for infamy, and fell into obscurity, never being released. Out of shame, I'm sure. Surprisingly, Back to the Future screenwriter Bob Gale came up with some ideas for it. It almost shows in a tongue in cheek way. It all seems like a big joke parodying the 90's over the top media in the same way almost that Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers did. Except this is more Looney Tunes than anything with racial stereotypes and absurdity out the wazoo. With characters based off the likes of tabloid trash like Tonya Harding and boasting to have thousands of supermoves like turning an opponent into a famous painting, farting random objects from one's anus, and comic nudity. There's also some nonsense about magical tattoos that thought tattoos wouldn't be tacky enough so they're the cause of the supermoves and are animated like they were created using Microsoft paint by a special needs person. Also, the game's mascot is a sad-faced eastern looking religious figure in an adult diaper.* 1 star (so bad it's almost good)

=== Wrestling Society X (MTV)

*For a brief moment, in the 90s, pro-wrestling was "edgy."

As absurd as that sounds. "The Rock" & "Stone Cold" were household names, much to the disappontment of concerned parents groups and tabloid hysteria news.

Pro-wrestling's punk rock moment all seems ridiculous now in retrospect.

The WWE went back to a family friendly product in order to sell t-shirts and toys.

So, who was to satisfy the wrestling dreams of backyard idiots who were jumping off of grandma's house onto a pillow filled with rocks?

MTV stepped in with its timeless formula of stupidity for the youth.

They aired, again briefly, an "underground" wrestling tv show filled with constant explosions, constant loud music, and constant shouting....

Goth kids, pregnant teens, musclehead niteclub douches, rednecks amped up on Mountain Dew, and wiggers across America, in the mid-2000s, rejoiced...

well, maybe not rejoiced.

More like they barely took notice with all their attention disorders, or skateboard trick injury videos taking place, and myspace photo sessions in the bathroom mirror.*

zero stars

============================================================

"Bad Street Brawler" -NES- (Mattel Inc. & Beam Software) --1989-- *"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you!" Trouble, I guess, means a metrosexual "badass" with a yellow flat-top hairdo, black sunglasses with the yellow city lights reflecting in them, a yellow tanktop, wearing only yellow underwear (no pants), and cute knee high yellow boots. Hello Yellow! Most of his attacks look like danceclub moves and he spends a lot of time fondling enemies and dogs.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

"Dead Man Calling" --Junji Ito-- (Manga) *The ghoulish projection of a death row inmate haunts the family of his victims. Seeking forgiveness. A nightmarish meditation on grief and revenge.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: The Blood Trail *A failing farmer, in the quiet English countryside, stages a bizarre seies of crimes, around his property, including blowing up his wife in a homemade carbombing, putting a severed sheep's head and threatening note on his own fence, and poorly attempting to make it look like his "deranged" neighbor visited one evening and tried to kill him with a boxcutter, forcing him to shoot the neighbor in "self defense" with a shotgun.* 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmare: Freddy Something ----------------

*A jobless yuppie, with an extreme fear of the dark, goes nuts working in the sewers for the eccentric old guy from Gremlins.* 2 1/2 stars

*A lowlife owner, of a 1980s videostore, gets "Scrooged" by a self-help Billy Ocean wannabe that the lowlife ripped off in his typical jerk fashion.* 2 1/2 stars

--------------------------------

Forever Knight: Dance by the Light of the Moon *A black-hearted seductress tries to manipulate our reformed from evil detective, much like she does with every other poor male.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

----- Croooow Plays: Way of the Warrior (3DO)

*Video-blogs used to play videogames for a blogger's web audience are called "Let's plays."

Let's get that out of the way.

I personally prefer video reviewers like SpoonyExperiment, AngryVideoGameNerd, ObscurasLupa, and so on.

The reviewers take the time to find something' interesting about the game or movie to actually critique and even write jokes, scenarios, pick out certain clips from what they're reviewing, and put it all into a usually enjoyable package.

"Let's play" bloggers seem to have a level of vanity where they think they can just sit down and roll the camera and do it "on the fly."

It hardly ever works, and is often annoying, frustrating, and dull.

They struggle to play the game and find something interesting to talk about it, other than their ineptitude or frustration, and their random attempts at humor are painfully bad.

One "let's play" celebrity named PewdiePie has hit stardom with his awful brand of yelling unfunny nonsense while playing a game live, unedited garbage and SouthPark took notice satirizing it and him.

It's almost as bad as when during the 90s hack videogame programmers took the cheap digitized graphics craze to its overkill by hiring their handful of what I'm guessing were party friends or the local community theater rejects to be physical "actors" as horribly over the top generic stereotype characters in shitty disc format vidja lames.

Our let's player, Croooow, struggles to "let's play" and also entertain in his "let's play" video.*

zero stars for the game

and 1/2 a star for Croooow

===========================================================

Forensic Files: Charred Remains *A male stripper cremates a former playboy playmate over a cocaine sharing night gone wrong.* 2 stars (zero for the exploitation of the cremated remains)

American Horror Story - Coven: Protect the Coven *Fried green blood fetishes.* 3 stars minus 1 star for the Twilight romance feel good ending

2 notes · View notes

fraggle-batches · 7 years

Quote

Because these are fun

1:Full name: Not comfortable sharing that

2:Zodiac sign: Libra

3:3 fears: ladders, loneliness

4:3 things I love: my cats and boyfriend and laptop and dogs

5:4 turn on’s: tattoos, good hair, smoking, choking, hickeys

6:4 turn off’s: trump supporters

7:My best friend: my boyfriend

8:Sexual orientation: pansexual

9:My best first date: went to a concert (styg, stray from the path, knocked loose), was soo much fun, and also my first concert with a s/o

10:How tall am I: 5′7

11:What do I miss: my nana, being confident in myself and those around me

12:What time was I born? like 5:30 am

13:Favorite color? grey

14:Do I have a crush? on my boyfriend, and cole sprouse

15:Favorite quote? “

16:Favorite place? Algonquin park

17:Favorite food? Pizza

18:Do I use sarcasm? Never

19:What am I listening to right now? Flaked Season 2 on Netflix

20:First thing I notice in new person? Shoes, hair, actions

21:Shoe size? Women’s 9.5, Mens 8.5

22:Eye color? Shit brown :))

23:Hair color? Naturally: Brown, Currently: Blonde, Previously: Pink

24: Favorite style of clothing? Uhm idk like casual/skate/dude clothes

25:Ever done a prank call? When I was like 11, but i grew tf up

26:What color of underwear I’m wearing now? I’m not..

27:Meaning behind my URL? Lord of the Rings (on a comedy video)

28:Favorite movie? ^

29:Favorite song?

30:Favorite band? Don’t know, either The Wonder Years, Pink Floyd, The Tragically Hip

31:How I feel right now? Kinda shitty

32:Someone I love. Aaron

33:My current relationship status. In a relationship, one year at the end of the month.

34:My relationship with my parents. Was pretty fucked up for a while, I got kicked out and shit but now we’re civil and they buy me stuff to suck up for the shit they put me through/

35:Favorite holiday.

36:Tattoos and piercing I have. I have my nose pierced, three 18g holes p/ear and one 10mm hole p ear.

37:Tattoos and piercing I want. I want to get a second nose piercing, maybe a septum, and my 10mm holes are going up to 22mm as we speak, I also intend to get an assload of tattoos when I’m no longer broke.

38:The reason I joined Tumblr. Joined it when I was like 12.. so I don’t know, just because it was ANOTHER form of social media for me to have.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? I hate him because he’s a rapist piece of shit and I’m sure he doesn’t even think of me so.

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? No.

41:Have I ever kissed the last person I texted? Idek who the last person I texted was.

42:When did I last hold hands? Last night

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Depends what my hairs like, if it’s good, then 15 mins, if it’s shit then 35mins.

44:Have I shaved my legs in the past three days? Yeah

45: Where am I right now? On the couch at my boyfriends grandparents.

46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Maybe my boyfriend, maybe a nurse

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No

49:Am I excited for anything? I’m going to see Roger Waters in October and I’m moving in 1-3 months.

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? My boyfriend.

51:How often do I wear a fake smile? Often.

52:When was the last time I hugged someone? Earlier today I think

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I’d fucking leave him and move alone and go back to fucking instead of dating (other people obv)

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Maybe

55:What is something I disliked about today? Got into a couple pissing matches with the boy.

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Gord Downie

57:What do I think about most? The amount of debt I’m in

58:What’s my strangest talent? Licking my nose maybe?

59:Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t know..

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind all the way

61:What was the last lie I told? “I don’t want anything to eat rn”

62:Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? NEITHER

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts: no. Spirits: Yes. Aliens: no, Extra-terrestrial life on another planet potentially in a different solar system: Yes.

64:Do I believe in magic? No

65:Do I believe in luck? I don’t know

66:What’s the weather like right now? Shitty, cloudy, cold, and dark

67:What was the last book I’ve read? The Handbook of Human Sexuality

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? Uhh yeah

69:Do I have any nicknames? -----

70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Probably when I fractured my skull as a kid. Or the two times I broke my clavicle in the SAME spot like 3 years apart lmao.

71:Do I spend money or save it? I’m a compulsive spender

72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Yep

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? I don’t think so

74:Favorite animal? Elephant maybe

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Same thing as I’m doing now basically... fuck all

76:What do I think Satan’s last name is? He doesn’t have one/exist

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? I believe by Stevie Wonder

78:How can you win my heart? Be a decent person and show the fucking world that I’m yours and you’re mine.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “fuck all you cunts from my hometown”

80:What is my favorite word? cunt

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr? nah

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? “stop polluting, kill trump, learn how to give a girl good head, end world hunger, adopt dont shop, support everyone regardless, cherish each other”

83:Do I have any relatives in jail? I don’t think so, but maybe

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? To be able to like pause life and be the only one who isn’t paused but I don’t age on pause so it’s chill. Or to turn off my bad emotions whenever I want

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? I don’t know, I;m pretty open

86:What is my current desktop picture? My dog

87:Had sex? Daily

88:Bought condoms? Hate them, but yeah

89:Gotten pregnant? No

90:Failed a class? Yeah

91:Kissed a boy? Yeah

92:Kissed a girl? Yeah

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yeah

94:Had job? Yeah

95:Left the house without my wallet? The worst!!

96:Bullied someone on the Internet? No... well maybe this one stupid piece of shit that raped my friend, posted her nude pics on a porn website and harasses her to this day. But I think that’s with warrant to bully so idc

97:Had sex in public? In a few places...

98:Played on a sports team? Other than school, no

99:Smoked weed? Daily

100:Did drugs? some

101:Smoked cigarettes? Yep

102:Drank alcohol? Yep

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Used to be

104:Been overweight? Currently am

105:Been underweight? Yep

106:Been to a wedding? Yep

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Most of the time

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yep

109:Been outside my home country? Yep

110:Gotten my heart broken? Sort of

111:Been to a professional sports game? No

112:Broken a bone? Skull, elbow, clavicle x 2, wrist x3, most of my toes, both my thumbs, my left ring finger, my ankle, and foot.

113:Cut myself? Used to

114:Been to prom? Fuck prom

115:Been in airplane? Yep

116: Fly by helicopter? No

117:What concerts have I been to? To name a few (not even close to 1/4 of them: The wonder Years x4, Moose Blood x2, Neck Deep, Real Friends x3, Modern Baseball x3, Knocked Loose, Stick to Your Guns, etc...

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yep

119:Learned another language? Started to learn german, dropped it. Spoke some french but I’m rusty.

120:Wore make up? Most days

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? Way before I was 18

122:Had oral sex? Yeah

123:Dyed my hair? Every few months for the last like 4-5 years

124:Voted in a presidential election? Not yet.. 2019 here I come

125:Rode in an ambulance? No

126:Had a surgery? Small one

127:Met someone famous? A few people.. Dan Campbell from the Wonder Years being one of them

128:Stalked someone on a social network? In an innocent-ish “what the fuck is my boyfriend doing liking your slutty pics” stalking

129:Peed outside? Yep

130:Been fishing? Yep

131:Helped with charity? Yep

132:Been rejected by a crush? No

133:Broken a mirror? Yep

134:What do I want for birthday? A camera

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2-3. Nora, Avalyn, and idk maybe Declan, Jax, Quinn?

136:Was I named after anyone? No

137:Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

138:What was my favorite toy as a child? Pogs, Pokemon Cards, Idk I mostly read books

139:Favorite TV Show? Shameless is lit

140:Where do I want to live when older? I don;t know yet, used to be Alaska but the US is fucked rn

141:Play any musical instrument? A little piano, tried guitar

142:One of my scars, how did I get it? one on my hand is shaped like a dick.. i stuck my hand in a fire to get a cigarette that dropped when i was drunk and burned the fuck outta my hand, when it scarred the center got prominent, and dick shaped

143:Favorite pizza topping? Bacon

144:Am I afraid of the dark? No

145:Am I afraid of heights? A little

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yeah, I’ve been caught sneaking out and smoking pot and getting drunk when I was supposedly studying or having a quiet movie night in

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? All the time

148:What I’m really bad at. Life, keeping my temper in check

149:What my greatest achievements are. I graduated high school, and got into college and university

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me. “fat homewrecking bitch”.. but it wasn’t the truth

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery. Pay off my debt and adopt a load of animals in need

152:What do I like about myself? I got some nice eyelashes, and a nice rack

153:My closest Tumblr friend. ------

154:Something I fantasies about. Cole Sprouse

155:Any question you’d like -------

3 notes · View notes

dachosmin · 7 years

Text

Nonconathon Letter

Dearest writer! Ten thousand blessings upon you and your house for writing for me! I adore all of these pairings and kinks and am pretty much guaranteed to love whatever you write. That said, I’ve provided a scenario or two to help you brainstorm, but if you get a different idea from the tags feel free to go for it!

In terms of general notes, I really like porn-as-character-study, and love when the emotional beats in porn are tied into the characters’ pre-existing issues and hangups.

Additionally, I would prefer non-downer endings. It doesn’t need to be super happy! It can be; I do love reading about noncon aftermaths, replete with rescues and and hurt comfort and affirmations and all that. But it’s fine if the fic ends with the victim still in peril, licking their wounds. As long as there’s some spark of hope, and it doesn’t end with the equivalent of “and then character A resigned themselves to a slow and painful death.”

General Yes Wants: bondage, begging, crying, drugs/alcohol, orgasm denial, dirty talk (forced or otherwise), verbal humiliation, tentacles, desk!sex, wall!sex, choking, forced arousal, whipping, boot!kink, hair-pulling, guilt/shame, knifeplay, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, pining.

General Do Not Wants: victim death, mindbreak, stockholm syndrome, permanent injury, hand/eye/teeth injury, public sex, underage, scat, bestiality.

Requests

Dresden Files

Lord Raith noncons Harry and Thomas, Lord Raith noncons Thomas

We know Lord Raith has slept with/fed on his children in the past in order to assert dominance over them. I’m fine with a younger, more innocent Thomas being subjected to this for the first time- perhaps rebellious and needing to be subdued by his father’s sex magic, or perhaps still reeling and horrified in the aftermath of his first kill. Or! Lord Raith calling in Thomas when he’s older in order to prove he’s still loyal, and Thomas has to go along with it in order to keep his dad from suspecting he’s not as docile as he appears. I imagine Lord Raith is very very powerful, and more than capable of turning Thomas on against his will. Does he completely overpower Thomas? Or toy with him and use just enough magic that Thomas can’t tell how much of this is his own attraction and how much is the vampire drugs.

And then if Harry’s in the mix the possibilities get even better. I have no idea how Harry gets into this mess- perhaps it’s an undercover thing gone wrong, and Lord Raith isn’t sure who he is? Perhaps Lord Raith has Harry kidnapped and brought to his bed specifically to hurt Thomas, who answers his father’s summons only to find Harry, drugged to the gills on vampire sex pheromones! And Harry isn’t really sure what’s going on but is so trusting of Thomas that he’s willing to follow his lead. And Thomas is frantically trying to act like Harry means nothing to him and is just another toy to feed on, and does his best to shield him from the worst of his father’s hunger while unable to refrain from feeding on him himself. All of the angst and shame and guilt, please!

Dresden Files

Nicodemus Archleone noncons Michael Carpenter

I would strongly prefer Michael “consent” to the sex- obviously it isn’t true consent, as he’d never actually want it, but I would like him to choose this instead of being dragged into it kicking or screaming. As for how that might happen- do the Fallen have one of the swords that they’re willing to trade for him? Or have they captured Harry/Molly/etc? Is he trying to save some other innocent? Maybe they’ve caught Michael and say they’ll let him go if he acts as a willing participant in a night of pleasure. Either way, I imagine he envisions this as another kind of battle, and he’s never backed away from fighting before.

It’s up to you how Nicodemus responds. He hates and fears Michael- maybe he wants to make the rape brutal and torture-y, see how much he can degrade Michael, how far he can push him before Michael cries or begs him to stop. Or maybe he takes a completely different approach? Maybe he wants to corrupt Michael, not break him? So he seeks to make it the most sinfully pleasurable sex Michael has ever had, tries to get Michael to enjoy it as much as possible and then shame him for giving into his lust.

Either way, there’s potential for lots of “what would your family and friends think to see you now?” type stuff, plus blasphemy (misuse of religious symbols! Stringing Michael up on a cross! Mockingly quoting scripture!) and mocking Michael for being all about love and forgiveness etc etc.

No matter how dark it gets, please have Michael uncorrupted at the end- even if he gives in and begs or cries and has his faith shaken during the rape itself, please follow it with some hint of self-forgiveness and faith in the aftermath, even if it doesn’t come immediately.

Rogue One

OMC noncons Cassian Andor

This request is 100% based on the fact that Cassian Andor suffers beautifully and is a delightful little ball of angst and guilt.

As for scenarios, there are so many options! Is Cassian ordered to seduce imperial operatives or go undercover as a prostitute? Perhaps some of his clients have darker tastes than he had planned for and he gets drugged/whipped/gangbanged etc. Or perhaps they realize he’s a rebel and they want to have a bit of fun with him before handing him over to Imperial Intelligence? Or perhaps Imperial Intelligence is interrogating him, and when traditional torture doesn’t work the interrogator decides to try out some slightly unorthodox methods? And even if they can’t get anything out of him, they take videos and pictures of him getting raped and begging and crying and then send it to the rebels as a way to break morale. Or maybe it’s the rebels that are nonconning him- an undercover mission where he’s posing as an Imperial and can’t break cover to tell them he’s on the same side as them? Or Rebel Intelligence testing him to see how well he can stand up to torture?

The Goblin Emperor

Eshevis Tethimar noncons Csevet Aisava

A classic for a reason! I would prefer this one to happen during the canon period rather than during Csevet’s courier days. As for the scenario… perhaps Csevet sneaks out to a marnis bar to take care of his, ah, needs, and happens upon Tethimar? And Tethimar is crooning all this poison in his ear about how he’ll tell everyone Csevet is a marnis whore if Csevet doesn’t service him. And even if Maia doesn’t care society will, and there will be all sorts of rumors about the emperor employing a marnis secretary, nod wink. Or perhaps he dispenses with the blackmail and just pulls Csevet into an alley, and Csevet is too drunk on metheglin to effectively fight back. Or any scenario where Csevet offers himself up to Tethimar to protect Maia is excellent too.

OMC noncons Deret Beshelar

Deret has such developed senses of duty and honor, I’d love to see a scenario where the two clash. He has a duty to protect Maia; what happens when he has to sacrifice himself in a way Elvish society deems most dishonorable in order to fulfill said duty? As for how this might come about… I don’t know, maybe the emperor is traveling and they’re waylaid by bandits? Airship pirates? Enemy soldiers? And Beshelar convinces them to rape him instead of Maia, since Maia is all fragile and no fun in bed but Beshelar! Beshelar is a proper soldier that can show them a good time (desperate Beshelar is a terrible liar). However it happens, I imagine the rapist would take great delight in chipping away at Beshelar’s rigid self-control. And hopefully Maia or Cala can comfort him a bit afterwards.

OMC noncons Deret Beshelar and Cala Athmaza

So, like the above but with Cala in the mix. I could see this being very interesting in terms of Beshelar’s honor™. Beshelar is canonically willing to sacrifice himself for Maia- it’s his job after all. But what happens when he has to watch Cala make the same sacrifice? What happens when he can’t save both of them? Would he shut down, or do everything in his power to take the brunt of the abuse? And Cala! How would Cala react to Beshelar’s astronomical levels of guilt and shame? How would he handle the rape itself?

Eshevis Tethimar noncons Cala Athmaza

Unlike the other pairings I have no preconceived notions of how this would play out, but I’m really, really curious to know what you think would happen!

The Hobbit

Thorin noncons Legolas, Thorin noncons Legolas and Thranduil, Thorin noncons Thranduil, Thranduil noncons Fili and Kili, Thranduil noncons Fili/Kili/Thorin, Thranduil noncons Kili, Thranduil noncons Thorin

These pairings are all based on the semi-obsessive mutual hate between Thranduil and Thorin, and the idea that both of them would absolutely go after the other’s loved ones to get what they want.

Scenarios where Thranduil is the aggressor could take place while the dwarves are imprisoned in Mirkwood, or in a canon-divergent aftermath of the BoFA where Thorin/Fili/Kili all live. If set in Mirkwood, perhaps Thranduil offers the dwarves their freedom- for a price? Or maybe post-canon the two realms get into another war that the elves win, and Thranduil takes Thorin and his nephews as his personal slaves?

If Thranduil is nonconning Thorin, I’d love him reveling in Thorin’s unwilling submission. Ordering Thorin around, making him enjoy it despite himself, grinding all the dwarven pride underneath his heel- YES! Or if he’s nonconning Kili and/or Fili, doing it in a way that highlights how impotent Thorin is to help them- making him watch, drugging them in front of him, taking them somewhere where Thorin can hear the noises echoing off the rock walls of his cell? And if it’s all three of them, forcing Thorin to fuck them and making him enjoy it? Basically anything that ends with Thorin enraged and turned on despite himself would be most welcome.

As for instances where Thorin is the aggressor, I imagine his actions stem from his hatred of Thranduil’s treatment of his people and also his desire to see cracks in the elven-king’s perfect mask- either through raping Thranduil himself or taking apart his beloved only child and making Thranduil beg him to stop. Again, the latter would be great if either done in front of Thranduil or where he can hear the effects. Or make them perform together for Thorin’s amusement!

Mulan

Shan Yu noncons Shang

Perhaps Shan Yu captures Shang while he’s couriering messages to his father on behalf of the army. Shan Yu interrogates him, which turns into noncon, and after Shang breaks down and gives up whatever information he’s carrying, Shan Yu sends him on to his father with semen trickling down his armor.

Or perhaps the war ends with a treaty, and one of the conditions is that Shang is given to Shan Yu as a concubine? And Shang complies with the treaty even though he’s absolutely horrified: he’ll do his duty, even if it means lying back and thinking of China in the bed of his enemy. Does Shan Yu like playing with his prey? Does it amuse him to make Shang enjoy his captivity despite himself? Or is he vengeful in bed, wanting to punish Shang for the avalanche incident? Or perhaps China is overrun by the Huns and Shang ends up as Shan-Yu’s slave rather than an honored concubine. I would love Shan Yu coming across Shang on the battlefield or in the ruins of the capitol with fighting that turns into rape to claim him as his slave.

Whatever route you go, feel free to dwell on Shang’s horror that he’s submitting to the man that killed his father and/or so many of his countrymen.

Teen Titans

Slade noncons Robin

So in the show, Slade blackmails Robin into becoming his apprentice. In his own words, “If you join me, if you swear to serve me, if you never speak to your friends again I will allow them to live. But if you disobey even the smallest request I will annihilate them, Robin- and I will make you watch. So, do we have a deal?”

So: this scenario- but with noncon!

Perhaps Slade wants to test the limits of Robin’s loyalty to see how far he’ll go. So Slade asks Robin to do all sorts of things in that cool, dispassionate voice and Robin grits his teeth and does as he’s told at first, because he knows his friends will die as he doesn’t. Of course Robin can’t help but mouth off, and then Slade has to punish him. Or maybe it’s punishment from the start; Robin chafes at being ordered around even when it’s fairly innocuous. Maybe he snaps at Slade one too many times and Slade has to put him in his place.

I would love if Slade is publicly possessive with Robin- beyond just making him wear his uniform perhaps there’s a collar involved, and Slade insists on lots of touching and PDA when they’re in public. Especially if he makes Robin pretend this is all consensual to the Titans- he chose to go to the dark side and is likewise choosing to be in a relationship with Slade. Maybe Slade records Robin pretending to enjoy sex as blackmail material and sends it to the Titans- or Batman.

Whatever you end up doing, lots of focus on Robin’s impotent rage at the situation plus his horror and guilt and shame at actually enjoying the things Slade is making him do.

Captive Prince

Damen and Nikandros noncon Laurent and Auguste, Damen noncons Laurent and Auguste

I’d prefer these pairings to take place in an AU where Laurent and Auguste are Damen’s slaves- perhaps Auguste was captured at Arles and Laurent was sent over as tribute later, perhaps Akielos conquered Vere and giving up the two princes as slaves was part of the peace treaty.

As for how the rape itself goes down, perhaps Damen (+ Nikandros) force the brothers to play together out of vindictiveness, having had friends that died in the war at Veretian hands. Or perhaps they’re just having fun with their two loveliest slaves and don’t give the incest part much thought. I’m all for collars/leashes in public, recreational drugging, and Laurent and Auguste tripping over themselves to protect each other- to the amusement of Damen (+Nikandros).

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