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strangerthingsn · 4 months

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Bruised

part 3

summary: You live in your car or a hotel, you sell your body to men for money, but got accidentally pregnant by the only one Alan Munson(Eddies dad). He was in jail before, for the same thing he did to you. But lucky he has a son who cares and helps you out.

warnings:18+ (all parts), sex, getting caught, love, pet names, language, alcohol, smoking, pregnancy

”come, let’s go home” Eddie look down at you with soft eyes, you could see them because of the bright moon light.

“That guy is a asshole” you huff and look at your feet.

“tell me about it..” Eddie sighs and sits next to you.

“what do you mean?” You look at him again.

“he used to bully me and the guys back in high school, like spit in our lunch, put things on our lockers, bumb us against the lockers and he even stole things”

“I’m sorry for that Eds” you lay your head on his shoulder, you’re exhausted.

“You’re tired aren’t you?”

“mhm..”you nod.

“I’ll walk you to the van already then I’ll get the boys” he gets up and helps you after, you both walk to the van and you wait there for him to come back with the others.

—2 days later—

“so why you think you can work hire?” The boss of the coffee shop asks.

“I’m very friendly to people, I’m really patient and I can handle mad people” you nod agreeing with yourself.

“hmm… alright tomorrow wil be your first work day” he said. “What’s your size?”

“normally a medium but it will be a couple sizes bigger because of the baby”

“uhh.. let me look for you” he gets up from the chair and walks somewhere. You sit in the little office, you can’t belive you just got a proper job.

“got the biggest one” The man gives it to you, it was not the most ugly outfit. You take it and get up.

“I’ll pay you some more for the baby then, deal?”

“deal” you nod and shake his hand.

“see you tomorrow” he smiles.

“bye bye!” You wave and walk out of the building, heading to Eddies van. You get in meeting Eddies exited face.

“and?” He says.

“I got a job!” You smiles.

“I told you, congratulations” Eddie smiles. “I got something else while you were gone”

“Thanks and what is that?”

“this….” Eddie pulls his shirt up showing nipple rings.

“no fucking way” you gasp “I just know that hurts so much dude, they suite you tho” you look at it.

“Yeah? You like it?” He puts his shirt down.

“Love it” you nod.

“Don’t tell my uncle tho” He chuckles while starting the van.

“You think he’ll be mad?” You look at him still.

“possible” he nods.

“Ill keep my mouth shut” You and Eddies relationship what’s difficult, sometimes he calls you sweetheart or other things but he also said you’re like a sister to him, you didn’t have sex since that night, ofcourse you wanted to, he was the best you had but you two were just busy.

“I can’t wait for Christmas” you say looking at the road.

“You like Christmas?”

“It gives me happy memories with my parents, we used to go to the mall to eat stuff and that same night we’d have dinner together and unpack presents” you smile thinking about the memories.

“You miss that.?”

“I miss it really much” you nod.

“Im sorry, i miss Christmas with my mom too, Alan would never give me presents but my mom always gave us something little”

“I hope i can afford a big present every year for the little one”

“A little thing is okay too, it’s just.. the little things mean the most” Eddie shows a ring on his necklace.

“Your mom gave it to you?”

“Yes but it doesn’t fit anymore” he looks at it.

“I bet your mom was a nice and gorgeous woman” you smile.

“she was” he nods, you sat in silence in the car when you suddenly spot something.

“should we get a Christmas three?” You smile.

“I don’t really have money for that right he now, I’m sorry..”

“o thats fine, sorry for asking”

“You don’t have to be sorry” He smiles and kisses your hand.

— 2 hours later —

You hum while cooking dinner and suddenly two arms wrap around your hip.

“hey Eddie” you smile. “are you nervous?”

“yes, I can’t play it right I’m fucking it up all the time” he sighs. Corroded coffin has a Christmas gig somewhere at a bar tomorrow and Eddie is atleast an hour in his room busy with practicing.

“You gonna be great” you smile.

“Yes thank you but I’ll finish dinner you can take a bath”

“okay” you kiss his cheek and walk over to the bathroom.

After you took a bath you put bodylotion all over your body, you just shaved (this was probably the last time you could reach because of the babybumb) hoping you could make some love to Eddie tonight. After you did you put on your pjs Eddie got matching ones for you and him that looked so adorable. You walk out of the bathroom to the kitchen again Eddie puts dinner on the table, Wayne is on a date with some woman so you and Eddie eat alone.

“you smell good” Eddie smiles while sitting down and you sit down too.

“thank you Eds” you smile and start eating.

“you have a very gorgeous smile you know that?”

“you have too, your smile makes me happy” you tell.

“Really?” He blushes a little.

“reaaaally” you nod.

“how nice of you” he eats too.

—after dinner—

You walks outside to Eddie and he’s smoking on a wooden chair. You sit on the one next to him and you watch him smoke when suddenly that terrible smell hits.

“ew.. weed?” You chuckle.

“mhmmm” he lays his hand on your leg.

“You smoke weed often, hm?” You just say it in a flirty way.

“Yeah” he nods “it’s chill”

“Every day?”

“mostly yes, twice a day” he nods circling his finger over your leg. You bit your lip looking at him.

“having plans for tonight?”

“And why are you asking?” He smirks.

“just interested” you smirk back. He nods looking down while thinking for a second, you didn’t look away and when he looks up again you had eye contact.

“fuck it” he mumbles and pulls you in for a kiss. Your heart was racing ofcourse it’s not the first time but still, you love him. He kisses softly but with a combination of needy. He lays his hand in your neck pulling you in even closer. You kiss him deeper and more personally. Eddie pulls away and looks at you.

“go inside it’s cold” he smirks.

“I guess I just wait in your room then” you wink while getting up.

“Oh yeah?” He smirks.

When he closes the door he immediately pushes you against it kissing you rough and hard. He pushes his boner against your thighs.

“mmmh, so gorgeous” Eddie rubs your belly and continues with kissing your neck. You look up to make that more easy for him to do. He pulls away and takes his shirt off and wanted to continue but you were quickly enough to kiss his neck. He puts his hand under your shirt unclipping your bra already.

He takes it off and throws it somewhere in the room. Now his hands were on your boobs squeezing and rubbing them slowly, it hand my moaning against his neck every time he touches your sensitive nipples. You suck a couple bruises in his neck, some where darker then the others but the looked hot.

“let me..” Eddie grabs the hem of your shirt and you help him with taking it off. “God..” he picks you up after admiring your beautiful body and gently lays you down on his bed. He kisses your boobs and up to your neck leaving hickeys all over your chest and neck.

“need you” you whisper while playing with his hair.

“i know…” Eddie starts taking his jeans off and your sweatpants. You wore your prettiest pair of panties and he smirks while seeing them. “I love these” he kisses your belly. “Look how wet you are”

“For you..” you silently say.

“Im hard for you.” He smirks taking off his boxers and taking himself in his hand.

“i see, such a big cock Eddie” you say biting your lip. Eddie seems to not expect those words coming out of your mouth.

“that was so hot.” He bites his bottom lip and grabs your panties. “Gonna make love to your perfect body, doll” Eddie says while going with a finger through your folds.

“n-no” you stutter after a moan leaves your mouth.

“don’t want me to.?”

“your dick Eddie..” you whine.

“I’m not really a big fan of just-… pushing inside I’m scared to hurt you baby” he strokes himself.

“please” you take his hand.

“Okay…” He jerks himself up a couple times and lines up and after that he slowly pushes through you soaking hole. “What pose baby?”

“L-lay..” you moan when he’s still trying to push his cock inside of you. “Hire..” you say out of breath.

“you want to ride me?” He looks confused.

“n-no” you groan.

“okay…” Eddie carefully lays infrond of you still having his big cock halfway inside of you. “Like this.?”

“y-yeah” you nod with your eyes closed and you lay your leg over his hip. Eddie seems to understand what you were trying and he lays a hand on your back and pulls you closer.

“You feel so wet and warm” he whispers while he starts slowly thrusting in and out of you, when he’s inside he doesn’t even go halfway he doesn’t wanna hurt you. The sound of his moans and your soft whimpers together turn you on so bad.

“Touch you.?” You ask silently.

“O-ofcourse” he takes your hand and lays it on his hip, you didn’t notice the tattoos last time, he has a skull, spider, snake and a dragon on his chest, stars, roses, bats, another dragon, Iron Maiden, guitar, tiger, and much more on his arms. They all fit him so well, you go with your hands slowly over his body and tattoos. You look further down at a tattoo on his belly with the text, suck it. You look back up at his face again and he was already looking at you. He had a hand on your neck and he pulls you in for a kiss. It was messy with teeth and tongues together.

Eddie slides a hand down and lays it on your ass to move your hips with the rhymn of his, the string in your belly is about to snap already. He squeezes your ass and kisses your throat, that sends you over the edge and has you spilling your load all over his dick.

“Good girl-… g-gona… fuck-“ he cums inside of you. You moan and sit up taking his dick out of you carefully.

“W-what are you gonna do.?” Eddie looks at you with half lidden eyes.

“relax” you whisper while grabbing his cock and stroking him, he let out a groan and he started to become hard again. You start to jerk of he buckles his hips up and starts fucking your fist. “Be patient” you giggle and you slowly push his hips back down.

“S-so good baby.. so g-good fme” he mumbles. You slowly bend over and take his tip in your mouth, he absolutely didn’t want expected that from you, he buckled his hips up again and you pull away.

“Sorry, you don’t want it.?” You look at him while taking your hands off him. He takes your hand calming you down.

“hey, its fine not gonna hurt you remember? And yes I would love a blow job from you.” He kisses your hand and lay back down.

“Thank you..” you whisper before kissing his tip again. You never felt so safe around a dude, you believe Eddie is the one for you. Taking his tip in your mouth had Eddie moaning your name, that was definitely the most sexiest thing you ever heard.

Eddie lays a hand on your ass and looks at you sucking his dick. You pull away kissing down to his balls and you take one in your mouth sucking on it while jerking him off.

“holy-“ he moans. You take the other one in your mouth now still jerking him off, you use your tongue while sucking. Then you slowly kiss up to his tip and now you take more length in your mout bobbing your head up and down. Eddie looks at your lips wrapped around his hard cock. He wishes he could keep looking but his eyes keep falling shut.

You take more and more of him until he hits the back of your throat. You continue taking him further but you couldn’t help but gag. That eventually send Eddie over the edge and he loads his cum down your throat. Eddie had kind of zoned out so you sit back on your knees and start fingering yourself slowly. That’s what you always do while giving man a blowjob or after it.

“don’t touch yourself.” Eddie his arms came your way and you were quick enough to look away waiting for the hit and hurt that never came. You slowly look back at him and he looks at you with big eyes. “I’m sorry… fuck…fuck” he sits up and pulls you on his lap carefully. He rubs your back, kisses your head and kinda treats you like a baby. “I keep scaring you and I hate it.”

“its fine” you say softly, you are safe on his lap and he’s actually comforting you.

“no its not baby...” it was silent for a moment.

“I love you” you whisper.

“hm?” Eddie wasn’t sure if he heard you correctly.

“love you..” you say shyly. Eddies heart is racing and he puts a finger under his chin and make him look up at you.

“I love you back.” He smiles and kisses you softy.

—later that night—

“You look so hot while you riding me” he groans. You and Eddie are having sex for god knows how long. It just keeps going because after every round you look each other in the eyes and start making out again and you know how it ends up. You had five round and six organisms. You tried so many poses but there are also so much to still try.

“I love you” you lean down at kiss him again he kisses back while playing with your nipples.

“does it still feel good for you.?” He had ask that already a few times he just want to make sure you were okay.

“s-so good” you nod leaning up again bouncing harder on his cock, your big tits are bouncing and Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes off them. He leans up to kiss them and….

“hey Eddie i-…” Wayne walks in… his eyes staring at the two of you Eddie quickly wraps the blanket around you and he gets up putting his boxers on.

“We need to talk.” He walks back into the living room slamming the door shut. It was completely silent in the room, Eddie is putting his clothes on and he walks out. You sit nervously on the bed thinking he was mad at you but not much later he walks back into the room with a towel.

“sorry” he mumbles while pulling the blanket off you and cleaning you up really carefully taking the time for it.

“Im sorry too” you whisper while you look at him. He gives you a kiss on your cheek and gives you fresh panties and your pyjamas back. You smile a little and put it on.

“don’t worry I’ll talk for us” he takes your hand and walks to the living room, you just follow him like a lost puppy. You both sit down on the couch in silence.

“so what is this Edward?” Wayne looks at him.

“like you saw. We were having sex”

“are you paying her for it?” He asks.

“no, we are in love.. atleast im really in love with her.” You couldn’t help but smile a little bit.

“If you don’t stop this you need to get out in a week.” Wayne looks mad.

“Okay sir, I’m sorry.” You look down at your feet and Eddie rubs your back.

“are you serious Wayne?” Eddie looks mad too now.

“Good night.” Wayne gets up and walks into his bedroom.

“asshole” Eddie mumbles and huffs while Wayne closed the door.

“I understand him, I mean… I’m a slut”

“you aren’t, you were and it was not even really your fault” he kisses your head and gets up walking to the kitchen. “water?”

“oh uh, yes” you nod, was this a good idea? Maybe you should just go already, you don’t want cause any problems between Eddie and Wayne.

“What’s going around in that pretty head of yours” he kisses your head and gives your water.

“Do you really love me?” You look up at him taking take glass.

“really.” He nods sitting down next to you.

“then I have to get out in a week” you lay your head on his shoulder.

“no you don’t, if you do, I’ll go with you” he starts rubbing your side.

“maybe we can buy our own trailer when I work really hard for it”

“first you gonna buy baby stuff” Eddie smiles.

“Right” you nod taking a sip of your water and putting it back on the table, Eddie smiles and kissses the side of your face multiple times.

“Eddie stop” you giggle “it tickles”

“come hire” he picks you up and walks over to his room. “Don’t wanna be tired on your first work day”

“You’re right” you give him a little pec.

“that’s what i thought” he nods and lays you down on your side putting the blanket over you.

“stop kicking, silly” you smile looking down at your baby bumb. Eddie takes your pants off and you’re sleeping in the shirt. “Thank you”

“don’t thank me sweetheart” Eddie turns the light off and lays down next to you. You turn around with a smirk. “Oh no” Eddie chuckles.

“No I was just thinking.. you should get a coffee tomorrow” you look at him.

“I will, when me and the boys are practicing in the morning we’ll get a coffee, alright?” He kisses your forehead.

“thanks” you cuddle him and he cuddles back. “Do you have a boner?”

“I hoped you didn’t notice”

“I would do something about it but your uncle will kill me”

“I can’t be silent… as you know so probably not a good idea” he chuckles.

—the next morning—

Eddie cooked breakfast for you and Wayne, you ate together in silence, when you showered and were dressed up in your work uniform Eddie laughed at you. The two of you kissed goodbye (secretly) and there you were.. at your work.

“oh hey you must be new girl?” A girl with short blond hair asks randomly.

“Am I late?” You smile.

“no, don’t worry, I’m Jade” she leads you the way to the back and explains how you need to make to coffees with the first couple of customers. She was really friendly.

“you think you can do it alone now?”

“I guess” you chuckle.

“good luck, I’ll be right next to you take other orders so if you need help I’m hire” she smiles.

“thanks” you nod, you turn your head to a customer that walks into the shop.

“good morning, what can I get for you?”

“hey, I’ll just get a coffee with caramel” She says.

“Small, medium or large?”

“medium”

“And just the regular milk?” You look at her.

“yes please.”

“Okay, was that everything?”

“uhh can i have a cookie too?”

“the chocolate, vanilla or red velvet?” You look at the ones she’s pointing at.

“Just the vanilla, and that was everything”

“okay, that is…7,70 dollar” you look at her, she nods giving the money. You count it and put it in the cash desk.

“okay you have order numberrr… 17 well let you notice if its done.” You smile giving her the receipt. She takes it with a smile.

“thanks” she walks off and sits down. You grab a cup making the coffee ready.

“you did great” Jade smiles.

“you think so?”

“I know so.” She nods making her own order ready. You mix the caramel and milk through the coffee and up the lid from the cup on it and you add a straw. You walk to the cookies and you get the vanilla one putting it in a bag.

“order number 17?” You look around.

“yes thank you” the woman takes it.

“have a nice day”

“same for you” you smile.

—2 hours later —

You met two other of your coworkers, Jake and Grace, they are also really nice. You and Jade are having a lunch break, you’re just eating a sandwich and drinking some water.

“so how you got pregnant?” She asks with her mouth full.

“oh that’s a long story, something with my old job” you smile.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“sure, I used to be a sex worker, and well as you see not everyone uses a condom..” you shrug your shoulders.

“no way, that’s such a shame, are you not on birth control?”

“no, my parents both died and well, I’m not like… rich..” you chuckle.

“well I bet it’s much better working hire then”

“absolutely” you nod. “Without Eddie I could have never do this.”

“Who’s Eddie?”

“He’s my boyfriend, since yesterday, but the guy who got me pregnant was kinda… a dick” you chuckle “turns out to be his dad and he’s a criminal and just shot me, because I actually got pregnant and Eddie kinda saved my life, now I’m living it’s him and his uncle in a trailer.” You explain

“He shot you?”

“yep, it hurted like a bitch, but baby is still alive” you look down at your bumb.

“to be honest I would love to be friends with you, you seem like a very nice person to me” she smiles.

“thank you, i would love to be friends with you too”

“y/n?” Jake asks walking in.

“Oh yeah?” You turn around.

“Some guy long hair is asking for you” he shrugs his shoulders.

“Okay tell him I’ll be there in a moment” you smile and Jake nods walking off “speaking of the devil, Eddie is hire” you get up taking your last sip of water.

“Long hair huh? Rockstar?”

“he plays in a band” you nod.

“Cool I wanna see him” she gets up walking behind you. You look around seeing Eddie brighten up as he sees you.

“hey sir can i get you something” you joke.

“Yes ma’am, I would like four coffees”

“normal ones?”

“just give us the best” he lean against the wall.

“alright, something else?”

“Your number” he jokes.

“Well its the same as yours sooo” you smile.

“okay okay”

“give him a free cookie” Jade interrupts.

“you can give him a free cookie, I don’t wanna get fired on my first day.

“okay, hire” she gives a heart shaped cookie. “Act like she gave it herself”

“I will, thank you” Eddie chuckled.

“That’s gonna be 18,71 dollar” you look at him. “you have order number 67 by the way.”

“Hire, you can keep the rest” Eddie gives 20 dollars and walks back to his band mates. You wave at them and they wave back and Gareth points at you and Eddie then does an impression of a moan while having sex.

“he’s childish”Jade looks at him.

“I know right” your roll your eyes.

“he’s kinda cute tho” she smiles.

“he’s Gareth, Drummer” you smile while making the four coffees ready Jade helps you.

“he’s cool, uhh what kind of coffee?”

“mixed with white chocolate and sugar, they can use some for tonight”

“they doing a performance?”

“yes” you nod while adding a few pumps of a white chocolate flavored mixture in two of them and Jade does the other two. You mix sugar in it too and put the lit on it, adding the straws.

“number 67” you smile looking at Eddie while Jade bring the other two. Eddie and Jeff get up to get the coffees.

“what is it?” Jeff looks at it.

“White chocolate” you smile handing them. Eddie smiles taking two and Jeff does the same.

“sounds really good, thanks sweetheart” Eddie smiles.

“Wait I want a hug before you go” you walks around to Eddie.

“come hire then” Eddie wraps his arms around you carefully not to spill any coffee on you, you hug him back with a smile.

“success with practicing you guys” you look at the rest, pulling away from the hug.

“thanks” Gareth smiles.

“thank you” Eddie waves and they all walk out.

—later that day on 8 pm—

you’re in Mary Harrington her room, you two called a couple times and Eddie told you could bring a friend if you wanted too. So now you’re wearing a pretty silvery glitter dress.

“that looks really pretty on you y/n, i should wear it” Mary stands behind you in the mirror she found some old clothes from her mom when she was pregnant.

“Is your mom okay with it?” You look at her.

“mhm, you can even ask it again, she is okay with it” she smiles. “And you should put on this shoes” she shows dr martens. “And are you wearing pretty panties, Eddie is definitely gonna fuck you.” She smirks.

“Shut up” you giggle.

“hire” she puts a necklace around your neck. “Can I do your makeup?”

“Sure” you look at the neckle with a smile.

“sit down” she points at the chair behind you.

“okay” you nod sitting down on the chair.

“uhhh, let’s start with this” she puts something on your face and spreads it out with her hands. She grabs concealer and puts it under your eyes and nose. “I’m not gonna use too much cause you’re already pretty”

“Thanks sweety” you chuckle. She smiles while blending it out.

“so tell me about dating Eddie”

“So I had my first work day today and he came to get a coffee with the band specially for me” you smile.

“what did you make him”

“I guess it was one with white chocolate”

“those are good, i will definitely go there any time” she smiles too.

“fine by me, i work everyday except for the weekend”

“how many hours a day?”

“seven”

“it seems like a fun job” she puts on some pouder and blush.

“it is except for those bitchy customers with a attitude” you laugh.

“I can imagine” she does your eyeliner and mascara.

“How is your boyfriend?”

“good, he is on vacation with his parents now” she grabs a red lipstick and puts it on.

“fun, you’re done?”

“yep” you look into the mirror with a smile, she actually made you look pretty, you’re sure Eddie is gonna love it.

“wait” she adds some glittery black eyeshadow. “Better”

“I love it thank you”

“now let’s go” she grabs her bag and you get up, ready to go see Eddie play with his band.

Hay Hay, i probably will not post anything before Christmas anymore so happy holidays 🫶🏻🎄

taglist: @bethexo07 @kellyxo1 @daisyridleyss @ilovetaquitosmmmm

(if there is a line through your name means I can’t tagg you, sorry!)

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #mom!reader #sex worker #whor3

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thecommunalfoolboy · 11 months

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What your favorite Lupin The Third Character says about you

When people make these they always just say nice things and traits of the character and it’s dumb so here’s me being right

Anyway my reputation for misogyny is legendary

Ok this largely depends on if you like edgy Jigen or goofy ah Jigen but

You desperately need to stop getting into arguments online, both in general and on whether Jigen is deep and emo or a silly guy

Gay Gay homosexual gay 🫵

You took one look at him and Lupin and said “Damn these bitches gay!” In a half joking way but the show itself proved you right in 10 seconds

Lol emo

Ok but actually seek psychiatric care

You either write porn about him in your head or you’re extremely asexual

There’s something weird going on with your gender but that’s kinda true if you watch this show in general

You’re too broke to get that next piercing don’t do it

You’re either as devastated about them whitewashing our boy as I am or you should be

Hey remember they whitewashed Goemon too you should be equally as mad about that

You head canon he speaks Spanish

Go to bed

He’s a nice man

Seek help brother

You play with jpegs like dolls

Beneath your eyes is a deep dark hole of information on this show’s lore

You also hate him so much and you want to see him die painfully <3

You want that twink OBLITERATED

You should really raise the price on your art it is so much better than you think it is

Some of you have only seen the first and it shows

“Brother,,,,, help me,,,,,,”

“Long live the king……”

Lol you thought I’m not letting you off that easy you’re deeply traumatized You’ve never felt safe in your life and the most inner hurt part of you desperately needed an adult to help you at a time in your life when you should’ve been worried about learning your times tables not whether you’d survive another day and one of the reasons you’re drawn to characters like this and collect fictional fathers is because you see a glowing smile and an infallible hero who could’ve saved you when you needed it the most

Or you’re Japanese native but like

Autism 👿

Woah dude are you like… autistic???

Stop looking at his tits

A small but significant subsection of you people are just racist and cannot be normal about Japan

If someone asked your thoughts on him you’d just be like :)))) the silly

You have way too many screenshots of him looking weird in the background

You def hate part 5 and twcfm

Whenever tms forgets he exists for a while you still watch it but you look like a wet kitten

You’re def short

You need to stop coping and accept it he looked fully insane in part 3 the hair is so so bad

You’re probably transmasc

I just wanna say I’m so sorry

She’s an ugly bitch there I said it

STROP BEING HORNY

You’re probably a girl

And definitely bi

Y’all probably know the least about the show as a whole

Good for you!! You actually touch grass

Or again you’re in the racist subgroup

The titles for each character confuse you but you only realized this one’s Fujiko because either I just said it or you saw the “stop being horny” and knew

You probably have insanely hot takes on the show

They did your girl dirty im so sorry

You’d die on the hill of whichever of her hair colors you think is best but at least you’re dead

I’m scared of you

Hey you should watch the first if you haven’t already

Zemigamna 🥺

You cry every time someone says Yata was boring and didn’t need to be in the show

Miyazaki studio gibli ass 🫵

Please you still have time left you can get out before you become obsessed you’re not in too deep yet RUN RUN SAVE YOURSEL

Or this show is all you have left and it’s infinitely too late for you no in between

Again probably a girl

You’re definitely not normal about fujiko either

You hate that one movie where he’s a dick with a burning passion and you would write 20 page essays on it

If you’re obsessed with him you probably have a chronic illness (same bestie) or major physical disability

Anyway if I fully clocked you let me know I think it’s funny to see you guys suffer

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astriwilt · 2 months

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So I’m rewatching The Sopranos for the third time and omg Caitlin deserved so much better. She was struggling with bad mental health issues and everyone treated her like shit.

ESPECIALLY FUCKING NOAH. MAN’S FATHER GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST CAITLIN BECAUSE NOAH GOT A C AND NOAH THINKS THAT WAS A REASONABLE COURSE OF ACTION. NOAH YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER TO LEAVE.

Now I can’t talk about Noah without mentioning Tony’s racism. Tony is a racist piece of shit and judged Noah based on his race instead of his character. That part has been analyzed to death though and everyone knows Tony is a raging racist asshole. What I wanna talk about is Noah’s character; which is what he should be judged on and not the color of his skin.

NOAH FUCKING SUCKS.

But in all seriousness; besides showing the audience how deep rooted Tony’s racism is….I think Noah served another purpose. To show the audience half assed “love and understanding” if that makes sense. I’ll explain it better: the first scene we see after Noah and Caitlin are in the same room; Noah is alone with Meadow and is talking to her about how they should just be patient with Caitlin. She’s far away from home and has obvious mental health problems. Meadow even comments about how caring and understanding Noah is and how “most guys wouldn’t even give a shit”. Then later Caitlin comes to talk to Noah while he’s studying. Noah lets her in; and then Caitlin talks so much that Noah can’t concentrate and gets a C on his assignment. Does Noah have the right to be mad? Yes. But should he also understand that Caitlin is literally mentally ill and that he was the one who let her in? Yes. Instead of being bitter about it for a bit he decides that his father’s restraining order is an appropriate response and bashes Caitlin for always intruding on him and Meadow. So kids, what does this say about Noah? It says he only cares when it’s convenient. He only cares until he sees how bad mental illness can be. Meadow has this problem as well; she was an absolute bitch to Caitlin at times…but at least with Meadow there was still some real concern there instead of virtue signaling. Noah’s character is a great example of how people treat mental illness. They’re all for supporting people going through it until they truly see the ugly side of it…..the illness part. If you’ve watched The Sopranos and seen how Noah acts then you know DAMN WELL this guy would say something like “We should do everything we can to help people struggling with mental illness 😢” if he was asked about the topic. But as soon as it affects him in the slightest way it’s a different story.

So is it unreasonable for me to write a whole essay about a guy who was kind of an asshole in a show about murderers and gang members? Yes, it absolutely is. But also people tend to be pissed off easier by a fictional character they’re more likely to meet in real life than ones they aren’t. I’ve met a lot of Noahs but I haven’t met many mafia members LMAO. Also for all the theatric anger in this post….the point of this post was to applaud The Sopranos here. Like I said before it’s an amazingly accurate representation of how people are mental health allies until they actually see how mental illness works. It was just so beautifully accurate and beautifully portrayed. So with that all being said:

#the sopranos #noah tannenbaum #semi analysis

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faeriesuns · 2 years

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Okay so I need a second opinion

I've been talking to this guy for months, just friends, and like if I didn't respond to his texts immediately he would send me multiple texts of "Hello?" "Hellooo??" And that's annoying, right? Like jeez I have a life ill text you back in a min

But when I brought it up he said he always felt abandoned and alone qnd no one ever talks to him etc etc. It made me feel bad so I didn't bring it up again

And Then

He was talking about his girlfriend and all I said was "she sounds lovely" and he got super mad and went off on me and I apologized because I crossed a boundary I guess. And then he ignored me and kept me on read for days. I just texted him and said that I apologized and he could atleast talk with me like an adult

And this is the part that grinds my gears. I was a bit snarky in my last text but i was irritated that he was ignoring me and acting like a toddler. He popped off and said that I showed my "true self" by being irritated and that my "gentle and quiet" personality was just fake and, here's where it goes crazy, I was just an ugly white girl with privilege and that I was racist and catfished him????

He also called me a bitch

The last text I sent to him was like this "Okay, one, you don't to talk to me like that. Two, um suddenly fake because I have more emotions than being placid and kind? What, did you only like me when I had never gotten mad at you? That I was kind to you everyday and catered to your moods? Is that what you expect from women? Fuck off"

Obviously more happened but, this was weird wasn't it? Like why did he get so irritated

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drpoisonoaky · 4 months

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The Kyoshi warrior uniform.

link to an ao3 fic based on this

Zuko: You never cease to amaze me. Azula: You don’t think I look good in these colors? Zuko: I don’t think you know how to respect other cultures. Azula: I am a very loved person in the Southern Water Tribe. Zuko: That’s Katara’s fault, not your achievement. Azula: Whatever floats your boat, dear Zuzu.

NPC Woman of the Fire Nation: Thank Agni, a Kyoshi Warrior, please help us. These men started to argue about whether Princess Azula should be the right hand of the Fire Lord or she doesn’t deserve it. Azula: Let me handle it. NPC Woman of the Fire Nation: Oh, young man, you look exactly like our Fire Lord, but slightly uglier. Good for you. Azula: He does, doesn’t he? Zuko, annoyed: You don't have to go Kyoshi Warrior? Azula: I’m on my way, fellow citizen.

Azula: Hey guys, what's the problem here? NPC Man 1 Anti-Azula: He thinks that snooty bitch, Princess Azula, has the right to be in her position. And I think she should be rotting in jail for treason. Azula: Treason to who? NPC Men Anti-Azula: TO THE FIRE NATION. Azula: When? NPC Men Anti-Azula: Azula: As far as I know she always fought along the Fire Nation. NPC Man 1 Anti-Azula: But she went mad and tried to kill our Fire Lord and his water tribe friend. Azula: You just said it. She went mad. You can't judge a mentally ill person showing clear symptoms about how they’re going through some episode the same way you judge a sane person. NPC Man 2 Anti-Azula: She has a point. Azula: Plus, as you said, she tried to kill her brother who is now the Fire Lord, who can judge her better than him? And he gave her that job. NPC Man 3 Anti-Azula: Makes sense. Azula: And I think the water tribe friend is now her partner. So everyone involved is over it. NPC Man 4 Anti-Azula: SO SHE BETRAYED THE NATION DATING THAT PEAS- NPC Man 3 Anti-Azula: *hits him in the head and leave him unconscious* We aren’t racist, asshole. Azula: Good job. You save me some work. Azula: Returning to our main problem here. Do you think Princess Azula is doing a good job as an adviser? NPC Man 3 Anti-Azula: More schools have been opened recently since she’s in. NPC Man 2 Anti-Azula: They’re building more households. NPC Man 1 Pro-Azula: And people are afraid of her so there is less crime. NPC Man 1 Anti-Azula: Mmm. Maybe she’s really helping…Fine you’re right. We should support her. NPC Man 2 Anti-Azula: FOR THE FIRE NATION. NPC Men Anti-Azula (past) & Pro-Azula: LONG LIVE PRINCESS AZULA. FOR THE FIRE NATION.

[Azula comes back to a totally shocked Zuko.]

Azula: See, Zuzu, every time I put this on I get stronger without moving a finger. Zuko: I can’t believe it. Azula: Of course you don’t, ugly version of Zuzu. Azula: But you should tell Katara about this. Skip the racist part of that excuse of a man but tell her the details. Zuko: Why don’t you tell her yourself? Azula: Dramatic performance purposes.

Previous - Next

#atla #azula #avatar the last airbender #fire siblings #katara #azutara #kazula #the kyoshi warrior outfit #zuko #they are npc #but like in zelda’s games #i love tloz btw

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katherinesaysso · 1 year

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So two entries again tonight. One to catch up on I guess where I am and where things are at the moment. The other as a homework for my therapy.

So yesterday, we got back and got in the car. Dj sat with me. As we started driving, no one really said anything, so I said “are we still having a sleepover?” Dj said “well I have a lot of laundry to do.” Stephanie said yes, but Rob noticed that she was upset. So I dropped it. I figured if someone showed up at my door and Dj actually wanted to finish the conversation he had started several nights before, great. If not, I was tired of pushing. I was exhausted and I fell asleep for several hours. I woke up and saw a text asking if 6:30 still worked and if he should bring a pizza. So we’re on.

Rob and I had therapy. I talked about all the times there was awkwardness and tension, and I was explicitly told by Rob and Dj not to bring it up. Rob said “but I acknowledged that it probably felt bad for you” and even our therapist said “ok, but I’m hearing that as dismissive.”

So cut to Dj coming over. He’s playing with Murphy and making small talk, and I’m just thinking, are you going to finish this conversation or not? So finally I said “so did you want to finish that conversation or…” And he said not really because he was afraid of where it might go. He held on to his feeling that I have this big hole in my life that I’m unable to fill. That I wanted to be the one that people come to for decisions and oversee people and be at the top of my game. Since I don’t have that, I have this big hole and that’s where the depression is coming from. He finally shared all of his horrible childhood and he was actually emotional.

I corrected some things. I don’t have any desire to be back in that world and I have no desire to supervise 40 people again. Ever. It brings too much stress and too much drama. I’m using those skills differently now. While my route here may look haphazard, it wasn’t. It was full of adaptations to a changing environment, my every changing illness, and a desire to continue to teach people differently. He may not understand what I do, but it’s been important to me. I did bring up that perhaps the reason I was unhappy was because this coincided with when we all moved so close together. Since then, I’ve not been able to bring up when I’m unhappy or upset without getting the shit kicked out of me. And it’s been largely the same things over and over.

In Vegas, he said he felt like I was weaponizing when he said he needed to be more bendable. He doesn’t like to be told what to do. What he meant was in recognizing my emotions. So I called bs on that. First, he’s pretty good at reading my emotional pulse already. Second, I’m pretty forthright when it comes to my emotions. I wear them on my sleeve, so it’s not hard to tell where I’m coming from unless you just blatantly aren’t paying attention. My memory is that we were talking about doing things that weren’t always about what the group wanted—that were out of the routine because while I love the ethnic food, it’s just not doing it for me, and it’s causing me to lose a big part of me.

So he was mad at me because he felt like I was telling him what to do and that I was weaponizing him saying he would try to be more bendable. I was mad at him because literally the first time he had an opportunity to bend, he didn’t, and it kicked me in the stomach in Vegas. And then, instead of the Cirque tickets costing $100 in St. Louis, I had to pay twice that with fees and deal with the aggravation of StubHub. I told him I had gone to Penn and Teller not because I had wanted to, but because the three of them were really excited about it. I would have hoped they would have done the same with something that I thought they would have really liked. He said “well you didn’t have to go. We made that clear in St. Louis.” and here I was absolutely snarky, but the truth came out in an ugly way. I said you guys have changed since you went to Thailand. We used to do everything together on vacations. Now all of a sudden we don’t need to. If you wanted to do your own vacation, you should have come on your own vacation.

He kept saying my perception was wrong. I told him it was different. It’s often two sides to the same coin. You see heads, I see tails. Both are accurate from what we see, but without acknowledging that there is another side, there’s not really anywhere to go. He just kept saying he was tired of feeling like this. I asked him how he thought it felt feeling like that for a year.

After coming to a stalemate of sorts—not knowing how to solve it, he felt like we should call the other 2. I told him that’s fine, but I’m not making that call. It’s never ever gone well for me. So after hemming and hawing, he finally texted at least Stephanie.

After catching them up, and learning that Stephanie had given Rob a laundry list of things she had been unhappy with, I can’t remember how it was said, but I said something that basically came to Stephanie saying well, you’re the one that’s unhappy. I said “you said that more delicately than Dj did. He said I was the square peg in the round hole.” Dj had said earlier that they never knew which Ann they were going to get. Stephanie said She’s afraid that I’ll be angry, or upset, or just not like her. I said yeah, so this whole Ann’s going to blow up thing needs to stop. We keep focusing on the group chat because it’s a really easy symptom to focus on when it works and when it doesn’t. But The bigger issue is how communication works. If you communicate with me, that all goes away. I don’t like to be the last to know or be left out. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t like to be late. If you just communicate with me, I might not be happy about what you say, but I won’t be upset that you communicate it.

I said I found it incredibly hard to believe that over almost 7 years, no one else had ever been unhappy, hurt, angry, frustrated, sad, or anything else that warranted discussion. There’s a long pause and Rob said “Oh no, Stephanie laid out a whole list tonight” She nodded, and they each nodded. I said “then why am I the only one who ever brings anything to the group?” Stephanie said “honestly? Because your the bravest.” Rob said “that’s got to stop.” I said “when I do, I get ganged up on so that things just settle back down.” Stephanie said “ok, I will try to be braver and bring things up when they happen. And to pull you aside if I notice something and check on you.” Rob said he’d bring things up in the moment, no matter how small. Dj doesn’t want to upset the apple cart, but said he’d try. I said I’d try to remember that any feedback is about my behavior and not about me, and also to remember timing is important for important conversations

So where does that leave me.? I feel like a puppy that has been kicked a thousand times but wants to cuddle up. It might just work this time. I might get kicked this time. How many times do I need to get kicked? Dj held me so long and so hard last night. I know he loves me and wants this. And for the first time, this conversation wasn’t brought by me, and it was collaborative. There was more communication in that than in all of our therapy combined. So this little puppy is peeking its nose out for the first time in what seems like ages. It’s hard to trust. I’m not good at it. I told Dj that for two people terrified of broken hearts a lot of things can go wrong. I desperately want things to go right.

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alloutshirt · 3 years

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#hahaha i hate this so much #i avoided ranting abt my problems cause it’s a happy on my dash so ignore me #this is my dairy #i just hate how much i silently beg for my moms attention after she treated me like shit #i literally had a panic attack earlier and showed the symptoms i opened up about a few days ago like the scary physical movements i can’t #control and not be able to take a breath in and of course when im not having an episode she’s all listening and supportive #but then the ugly part of the illness shows and she gets mad at me #she loves to pretend she cares but as long as she doesn’t have to make efforts to help than i need to stop my drama #she fucking left me not being able to breathe in the car #it was this afternoon it’s now 2am and i haven’t left my room and she didn’t even check on my i haven’t eaten since breakfast and i could #hear her laughing like nothings going on #she always turns her back on the smallest inconvenience and it’s truly what a feel like #a weight on everyone’s shoulders #and now she came into the room saw me still sobbing took her stuff and left without a word #when we talked about how it hurts me that she never checks on me during episodes and she said she would just a few days ago #i hate to compare them but even if my dad never even did a google research about my mental illness and he’s clumsy and can be hurtful #at least he apologizes and openly says he doesn’t know how to help instead of acting all aware™️ but gets mad when the ugly side shows #id rather someone who doesn’t know what to do and what words to use but brings food till it gets better than someone goes #yelling then silent treatment then calls me darling in a sweet voice like nothing happened then that convo about making efforts only to #start the same circle at the next episode

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gale-gentlepenguin · 3 years

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GUYS! IT LEAKED!

THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF ML GOT LEAKED! AND THEY ARE IN ENGLISH!

I don't know how long they will be active but I got the links to them while they are still up.

Truth

Lie

After you guys watch let me know your thoughts. And check out my review and live reaction of the episodes underneath the read more. Spoilers below

(This is an April fools joke)

Gale Reviews: Miraculous Ladybug, Season 4, Episode 1: TRUTH

(With Live reaction)

-So Marinette is trying to find a place to store the ladybug miracle box. Its funny for a bit.

-Tikki suggests hiding it under her bed. Which Marinette does for the time being. But find its way to hard to access normally.

-"Ill figure something out" Marinette explains.

-The Kwami are swarming around the room, exploring. Barkk found the TV.

-Marinette's phone rings, And its Luka. With a heart at the end of the contact. (Resisting urge to gag)

-Luka calls to ask if she remembers that they have a date planned for today. Going to see Jagged's new movie.

-The kwami are f***ing creeping on the conversation. Marinette says she remembers and that she won't miss this one. Like she did the other nine times. I cracked up at that part.

-Luka tells her that he made sure she wouldn't forget. Since he showed up to her place.

-Marinette quickly tells Luka that she has to go. Then yells at the kwami to get in the box.

-Sass asks if the boy she was talking to was Luka.

-"Yes. Now in the box."

-Sass ships Lukanette.

-Hilariously Barkk does not. I love Barkk.

-So Luka is in Marinette's house with her parents as marinette rushed downstairs.

-Its a really awkward scene since Marinette never told her parents she was dating Luka.

-Protective Tom activated.

-Luka assures them that they haven't been on their first official date yet.

-That eases the parents.

-Marinette tells her mom and dad a bit about Luka before her phone goes off, letting her know the movie is gonna start soon.

-The two leave in a hurry.

-"I prefer the one she confessed to last time."

-"TOM!"

-Tom ships Marichat

_____________________________________________________________

-Adrien tries calling Kagami to see if she wants to see the Jagged stone movie, but she says she is busy with archery.

-So Adrien tries calling Nino, who is with Alya.

-So Adrien thinks about it and remembers Marinette loves Jagged Stone. She would probably love to see that movie.

-"I will call Mari... wait."

-Adrien has an imaginary scenario.

-He asks Marinette to the movies, Luka is mad and Kagami is mad.

-"Maybe that wouldn't be a good idea..." Adrien said kind of bummed.

-Plagg asks why it isn't a good idea. Isn't he friends with marinette?

-Adrien explaining why asking another guy's girlfriend to the movies is wrong.

-"You sound more bummed that you can't go with marinette then your own girlfriend." Plagg is SPITTING TRUTH!

-Adrien dismisses that notion, and decides he will try a few other people.

___________________________________________________________

-Wow Nathalie looks awful. She tries to get out of bed with a cane and falls down.

-Gabriel there to help her up. I wish the show would stop shoving the adultery subplot down our throats.

-Gabriel explains that he finally figured out how to use both miraculous at the same time. Which means Nathalie can focus on resting.

-Nathalie insists she can help. But Gabriel tells her that she has done more than needed. She deserves a break. He can't thank her enough for everything.

-Nathalie looks like she wants to confess.

-"You are truly an irreplaceable friend and confidant."

-MOTHERFUCKING GABRIEL 'just a friend' AGRESTE! ITS GENETIC

-Nathalie says of course, and says she is tired.

-I feel bad for Nathalie.

_____________________________________________________________

-Okay so Lukanette date.

-Marinette springs the gift on him.

-Its a necklace made with the guitar pick he first gave her in Captain Hardrock I think.

-Luka loves it.

-Okay the scene that was leaked in the trailer. Big moment, WILL THEY KISS?

-and its really close and... AKUMA ALERT! Right off the bat. So close.

-Marinette gives an excuse about her dad calling. She will be right back before the movie starts.

-Luka says its okay. And says when she gets back to grab some popcorn

-Marinette gives him a peck on the cheek and rushes off.

-Well you get a cheek kiss. But DAMN they really made me think they would actually do it. I got nervous.

-Ladybug arrives on the scene and its... mr.Pigeon again.

-Ladybug is really annoyed, until she sees the Giant PIGEON SENTIMONSTER!

- Chat noir arrives and comments that this might be more difficult then they thought.

-Ladybug says that they will handle it in a flash.

__________________________________________________________

-Luka watched the whole movie alone. The Usher told him to leave the seat.

-Just OUCH, I legit feel bad for Luka. My dude. I am so sorry

-Luka looking for Marinette at the theater but she is gone.

-DOUBLE OUCH

-He tries calling... and straight to voice mail. and 3 strikes!

-Luka starts walking out very disgruntled

-He gets to that bridge in the promo (its sunset) and Marinette arrives running to him. Telling him to wait.

-He turns around.

-She starts apologizing. Some excuse that its a bakery emergency

-"Your not being honest."

-Marinette tries to recover, but Luka says he wants to know what she has been hiding.

-"I am not hiding anything."

-"Marinette, please stop lying to me. Just tell me whats going on. I will understand. Just tell me."

-Marinette says softly she can't.

-"What?"

-"I said I can't tell you. Im sorry"

-She runs off.

-Luka looks hurt, and then angry. Looking at the necklace.

-"Why can't you trust me... What is so big you can't trust me?" He looks so angry. And frankly, I don't blame him.

-And cue Shadow moth, who is now revealing his transformation as shadowmoth. And I still think its ugly.

-Hawkmoth comments the spiel about being a disgruntled boyfriend who is felt put out by his girlfriend.

-Sends the akuma and Amok.

-Luka gets akumatized.

-Okay, now THIS is a good akumatization. I am not spoiling it but Shadowmoth and Luka's dialogue is TOPS here.

-He runs into Alya and the girls and tests out his powers on them. Alya thinks Nino looks better without glasses. Rose admits she only loves some of her stuffed animals and the guilt is killing her. Juleka admits that Luka dating one of her friends is creepy. THANK YOU JULEKA FOR SAYING IT.

_____________________________________________________________

-Adrien is bummed that he didn't get to see the movie. and as he was walking Bumps into marinette. Who ran into him

-Okay so this scene, TOP TEIR ADRINETTE.

-Adrien comforting Marinette, saying that Luka would understand.

-"Is it wrong to keep secrets from him?"

-"Sometimes we keep secrets because it will keep them safe. There is a right time to tell them, but it isn't always when we want to tell them."

-Marinette thanks Adrien for the advice and... OH KWAMI! TRUTH IS RIGHT THERE WATCHING!

-He knocked Adrien into the water.

-Truth and the Sentimonster are tailing Marinette.

-Adrien got a chance to transform.

-Marinette swerved to get to her house. Getting the giant eye sentimonster to bump into something.

-Marinette gets to her room, where truth tries asking her what she is hiding!

-AND CHAT NOIR JUMPS IN WITH A HIGH KICK.

-They fight and Marinette tries to make sure the miracle box is hidden.

-Chat noir asking if Truth had a bad date or something. VERY POOR CHOICE OF WORDS!

-Chat noir knocks Truth out of the bedroom. He tells Marinette to go hide. He and Ladybug will get her boyfriend back to normal.

-Marinette thanks chat noir and runs out of view.

-Shadowmoth tells Truth to get Chat noir's secret, it will help him deal with the pest so he can achieve his goal. Truth agrees.

-Ladybug arrives and wam bam.

-Ladybug tells chat noir NOT to get caught in the gaze of that

-If you are still reading this at this point I gotta say I admire your dedication, but this is an elaborate prank.

April fools!

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escapetodreamworld · 3 years

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I’ll protect you. Angie x fem!reader

Request: Can you write a one shot where reader saves Angie from the Collins? Requested by anon.

Words 4,259

Warnings: Angst Hurt/Comfort Character's we don’t care about die.

Thank you to the groupchat, we really do share a mind sometimes, you'll know what I'm talking about. There's also i little nod at the end about something we talked about.

A special thank you @arewecoolio who helped me a lot with this story. Thank you for hyping me up when I thought this was going to be a terrible fic, thank for giving me tips to help it run more smoothly. Ily.

You didn't even think twice when your powerful hearing picked up on her cries. You pushed yourself off your knees where you were scrubbing the tile floors, and sprinted as fast as you could through the manor. You finally reached the servants quarters, and didn't bother knocking on her door, barging right in. What you see makes your heartbreak and anger rise and burn in your throat.

Angelique’s curled into a ball sitting on the floor in between her bed and dresser. Tears rolling down her face, as a big bruise forms on her cheek, dried stream of her blood running from her lip down her chin.

You enter her room, closing the door behind you, you take a few steps towards Angelique before stopping. You drop to your knees and crawl the last couple feet towards her, stopping a foot away. Angelique hasn't acknowledged your presents, so you're careful not to touch her, you don't want to scare her.

"Angelique." You say softly, trying to get her attention. She continues to stare ahead, straight through you. "Angie, please, talk to me." You try again, voice cracking. You used your nickname for her, hoping it will snap her out of her trance.

She continues to stare at nothing, after a few moments of silence she speaks, so quiet that someone with normal hearing would have had a hard time understanding it.

"Master Collins caught me staring at Barnabas"

"Is that why you got that bruise? Because you stared at his son." You ask, your voice so low it comes out more as a growl. Angelique nods. "Angie, you can't keep doing this, the man is going to get you killed." You explain, hoping she finally listens to you. She doesn't.

"I just need to get his parents out of the way, then we can be together." She says, completely ignoring what you said. She stands up eruptly, moving through her room, grabbing a spell book from her hiding place. she turns back to you, her bruise and dried blood gone from her face. "Cover for me?" She asks.

You want to say "No way!" Tell her he's not worth it, tell her she's not thinking clearly. But you don't, you just nod your head. She grins and leaves the room, leaving you completely alone. Just like every other time she ditches you for Barnabas. You used to be inseparable, always following each other around, well you followed Angelique around. But there wasn't a day you weren't together.

At least until Barnabas Collins started showing interest in Angelique, after that, they were always sneaking around, doing things that could get Angie beaten if anyone found out. And you had to just sit there, praying the day they get caught would never come. A small part of yourself, hopes they do get caught, because then Angie would have to stop seeing him, and spend time with you again. You hate that part of yourself.

You admitted to yourself a long time ago that your feelings for Angie went way beyond friendship. Many times you catch yourself watching Angie while she watches Barnabas. Wishing she'd look at you like that. That intense stare, following wherever he goes.

It makes your blood boil knowing he doesn't love her, he only uses her, and Angie is to blind with love to see it. If they ever got caught, nothing would happen to him, he would go about his life like nothing happened, never sparing Angelique another thought.

And his parents, they would see that Angelique disappeared, you'd never see her again. And it would be all his fault, all because he was a man whore. The time that they get caught will come sooner or later. Angelique's right, his parents have to go. It's the only way she'll be safe. You can't wait for Angie to find a way, it could take days, weeks even, and the chances of getting caught are higher every day. You have to help her, you can't stand the thought of never seeing her again.

You sit there, on Angie's floor, trying to think of ways to ensure Angie's safety. There's only one thing that comes to mind, and you hate it, it disgusts you, makes you feel ill, but it's the only way, you'll have to kill them yourself, tonight. during the full moon.

Rising from the floor, you leave to find master Collins and lady Collins. It's getting dark, and the full moon is starting to rise. And every night master and lady Collins take an evening stroll. Everything's coming together perfectly. You would never do what you're about to do, but it's for Angie, you tell yourself. You hide in the trees near the manor, all you have to do is wait. And try not to chicken out.

The moon finally reaches peak position, you realize with dread. You step further into the shadows, letting the transformation take its hold on you. You've learned not to fight it, it only hurts if you do. After a few moments it's done, your legs and feet are longer and you're covered in hair.

A noise alerts you to two people approaching. the Collins on their walk, You crouch down to not alert their dog, and wait for them to get closer. Oddly before they can get close enough, a giant seahorse gargoyle falls onto them, killing them. You stand there, shocked before realizing Angelique must have found a way of getting rid of them. You run further into the wood, knowing the sound that statue made will make a servant or two investigate.

By the morning when you transform back into your human form, everyone knows of master and lady Collins passing. On your way to bed you're practically tackled by Angelique, she throws her arms around you. You're surprised but hug her back, when she finally pulls away she drags you into her room.

"Where were you last night? I came to your room last night to tell you something important but you weren't there." Angelique asks. Worried.

"Oh, I was out again, you know, watching the stars and full moon. I fell asleep out there again." You lie. You're a terrible liar but you know how to distract Angie so she forgets about it. "What did you have to tell me?" You ask quickly when it looked like Angelique was going to comment on your lie.

It works. Angie forgets, she immediately starts grinning. "I did it, I killed them." She whispers, so proud of what she's accomplished.

"I thought you might've had something to do with that accident." You say, even though you knew she had everything to do with it. Her grin gets wider.

"This means Barnabas and I can be together." She says, excitedly. Your heart drops, you forgot why she wanted them gone, so she could continue sleeping with Barnabas. Your heartbreaks, you don't hear what Angie's saying, it all sounds underwater to you. But you do notice that she starts to leave, practically skipping to the door. She turns around to say something else to you before she leaves.

"Oh, and (y/n), maybe don't fall asleep outdoors anymore. There could be werewolves." She says, jokingly. Before smiling and leaving you alone in her room once again. Her joke ringing in your ears, you never told her what you were. You didn't want her to know, the thought of her ever seeing you in that ugly form disgusts you. You feel bad for hiding it, but it's for the best.

Despite two of the Collins dying, everything continues on like normal, do your chores, then do whatever you want as long as you're not in the Collins family's way. Of course, it's only Barnabas now. Which means more freedom, but it comes at a price, that price for you is you never see Angie, and when you do all she does is complain that Barnabas isn't spending time with her. You want to be annoyed, but at least you're seeing her when she's complaining.

That's how it goes for weeks, only seeing her when she complains to you about Barnabas not sleeping with her. You're getting mad about it, all she does is tell you how she threw herself at him again and he just sends her away. But today is different.

She storms into your room while you're reading, she's angry, something about seeing Barnabas with some girl. How they were kissing and confessing their love for each other, you know Barnabas told Angie he didn't love her, you can see how mad Angie is. It makes you angry, but not for the reason she wants.

"Maybe you should just let him be happy, he clearly loves this girl." You snap, you couldn't hold it in anymore. All that anger is finally coming out.

"Excuse me! I tell you he's cheating on me and your suggestion if I let him!" Angelique yells, her anger now focusing on you. You don't care, you're going to say what needs to be said anyways.

"He's not cheating on you! He was never courting you! He was just using you, and you let him!" You yelled, frustrated. Why couldn't she just see that he doesn't love her.

"Whose side are you on?" She asks, angrily. You growl and grit out "yours" "are you sure? Cause it sounds like you don't care about me." She says, and that weakens you. Your shoulders slump, and you try your best to take deep breaths, releasing all your anger.

Once you've calmed down you address her. "I'm sorry Angie, I do care about you. It's just, miss you, i never see you anymore." You say sadly, look down at your hands, hoping she accepts your apology.

You hear her sigh, and feel her hand on your face, lifting your head up to look at her. Once you look at her she rubs her thumb over your cheek. You close your eyes, relaxing into her touch. "I am sorry too, you must have felt abandoned. I promise not to do it again. I just need to figure out how to get rid of this whore that's trying to take Barnabas away from me." She says, still rubbing circles in your cheek.

"I don't know Ang, push her off a cliff." You say, not really thinking about it, still caught up in the feeling and her warm hand on your face. But when she stops drawing patterns in your face, you open your eyes. Angelique has a wicked grin on her face, you've never seen her like this before, it scares you.

"You're a genius, my dear." She says, and you blush at the praise and pet name. But before you can say anything, she's withdrawing her hands and walks away. Once again leaving you. You sit there, staring at the door, you can't believe it happened again. She left you again, after promising. You close your door and cry.

You don't leave your room for two days, And no one checks on you. You know you'll have to leave your room before tonight, you can't risk changing into a werewolf while in the manor. But you stay in bed till you know you can't wait any longer, finally you sneak out, towards the servants staircase. But when you hear people on the stairwell, you quickly decide you don't want to see anyone and get asked questions, so you turn on your heels, heading for the main stairwell.

You hear a commotion from below, it sounds like a man shouting. You peer over the railing, listening to what was happening. You can't see anyone but you can hear them.

"You're a wretched woman, you're vile and evil, you killed the woman I love, you cursed me to be this monster, and you have the audacity to try and place your lips upon me!" You hear Barnabas shout, and he finally comes onto view. You're shocked by what you see, Barnabas is paler than you've ever thought possible, his fingernails are longer and sharper, almost like yours when you change. And the most terrifying part about him, he's covered in blood. "What did you do Angie?" You whisper to yourself.

You see Angelique following after him, a frown on her face, she grabs Barnabas's arm, spinning him to look at her. "Don't you see, I did this for us. So we could finally be together." She says, touching his face. Just like she did with you. A growl tries to escape your throat, you clasp your hands over your mouth. You realize in horror that you stayed too long, that the moon has risen. Backing away from the railing you hunch over, transforming, you try to stop it, hold it off just a little longer, but it's too strong.

Suddenly you hear a crash coming from below. Rushing back to the railing you see Angelique crumbled on the floor, on the complete opposite side of the room, from where she stood earlier. Barnabas slowly approaches, glaring down at Angelique, it's clear what happened, Barnabas threw her off of himself.

Barnabas lifts Angie up by her throat, you can see her struggling to breathe. And the next thing you know you're running full speed towards the two of them, slamming into Barnabas. You and him go tumbling to the floor, you hear Angie drop to the floor behind you, coughing and gasping for air.

You and Barnabas get up quickly, he stares at you in shock, you glare back. Your tense, ready to attack, "(y/n)? What has this witch done to you?" Barnabas asks, looking you over, deeply concerned about the state you're in. He reaches out to touch You, you growl and he pulls back. You can hear the coughing subside behind you, then a strained voice.

"(Y/n)?" Angelique says, shock clear in her voice, despite how rough it was. You send Barnabas another glare before turning to Angelique, dropping to your knees before her.

"Angie, are you alright?" You ask, carefully reaching to touch the bruising on her neck. You ignore Angie's eyes burning into your face, and focus on searching her for broken bones.

You touch her wrist, feeling for breaks. Angelique clasps her hand around your wrist, not painful, just enough to get your attention. you look at her, and you wish you could look away. "Why didn't you tell me?" her eyes bore into you so intensely, almost searching your very soul for the information she wants.

"I, I didn't want you to see me like this." You say, finally breaking eye contact. Staring at her bruises instead, until the familiar feeling of her hand on your cheek pulls you back in.

"I could have helped you." She says sadly, eyes showing the hurt she feels. You shake your head, pulling her hand away. "No spell can fix me Angie, you know that." You tell her, crying. Saddened by her concern for you. Stepping away from her, you turn back to Barnabas.

Barnabas was still standing there, watching your interaction. You send him another glare as you slowly advance on him. You can see the concern in his eyes, concern for his safety. He starts talking, rambling about what Angie did, how she deserves to burn for her crimes. You strike, your back hand to his face sends him into the wall. You ignore the gasp you hear coming from Angelique. You advance on him again, this time, once he gets back up, the fear in his eyes is gone, replaced with hate and determination.

He charges at you, and you're in a fight of teeth and claws, both trying to rip the other apart. You'll be damned if he's the survivor of the battle, you'll be the one winning this, even if it means Angelique never looks at you again, at least she'll be safe.

Barnabas throws a nasty punch to your stomach and in your moment of weakness, he grabs you, throwing you across the room. You hit the floor, sliding, you use your claws on the tile to slow you down, the sound is terrible but it stops you from hitting the wall behind you. Your back up, running at Barnabas, he charges you too, you leap up, striking in from the air. The blow causes him to be knocked over. You are on him, hands wrapped under his neck, trying to get it to break. He shoves you off, pushing you away a few feet, you run back towards him, only to get kicked. Thrown into the statue pillar, a sickening crack is heard and you're not sure if it came from you of the statue, too disoriented to tell.

You struggle to your feet when you hear Barnabas approaching, but he's next to you before you can, lifting you into the air by your throat. You struggle, trying to pry his hands away with your own, kicking him. You know the kicks hurt but he stays strong, choking you out. "I'm sorry about this (y/n)" he says, remorsefully, squeezing tighter. It's become very hard to see, you really just want to close your eyes. You can barely make out the scream coming from somewhere in the room.

"ENOUGH!"

Suddenly you drop to the floor, pain shooting through your knees from the impact, you gasp for air, struggling to inhale any. Your vision slowly comes back, you're able to see Barnabas, floating in mid air struggling to get out of the invisible hold he's in. You continue taking deep breaths, focusing your very limited vision on Barnabas, worried he'll drop at any second.

You flinch when you feel someone touch you, you jerk away from the touch, only to be pulled back into it. The smell of vanilla, and the unmistakable stench of magic hit your nose, you relax into it. Welcoming the touch you've been pulled into. You finally take your eyes off Barnabas, and focus on Angie. Taking in the tears on her cheeks, and the slight quiver of her lip.

"You idiot, you almost got killed, why should you do something so stupid?" Angelique asks, furiously. But you can see the concern all over her face. You smile, sheepishly. "You're welcome." Angie didn't like that answer, not one bit. Glaring at you, her way of saying "Don't joke." You stop smiling, You clear your throat, wincing in pain when you do. Angelique frowns, moving her hand over your throat, barely grazing it, you flinch when you feel it, causing her to pull back slightly.

Angelique carefully moves her hand back towards you, keeping eye contact. You don't flinch when she touches you this time, your neck feels tingly, then the pain in your throat is gone. "Now, tell me why you thought fighting a vampire was a good idea." Angie says, sternly. removing her hand from your throat.

"He hurt you, I couldn't stand by and watch him choke you to death." You explain to her, causing Angie to sigh. "So you thought you'd kill him. Sweetie, that's not like you." Angie says, running her hand through your messy hair, you wince when she touches a spot on the back of your head, both of you realizing you must have hit it, Angelique starts healing it. "I would do it for you, I would have killed his parents that night if you didn't beat me to it." You say, revealing that information caused Angelique to frown.

"You were going to kill Barnabas's parents for me? Why would you do something like that for me?" Angie asks, her brows scrunching in confusion. "Why are you so willing to hurt people or get hurt for me?" She questioned, and you realize this is the best opportunity to tell her.

"I would do anything for you, I love you." You tell Angelique, looking at every little detail on her face, memorizing it. When you meet her eyes you shiver, she's looking at you the way she does Barnabas, that intense possessive stare, the look you always wished was directed at you. You can help looking at her lips, Angie notices, her lips forming into a smirk.

She uses the hand still holding the back of your head to slowly pull your head towards hers, you're so excited, you're about to kiss the girl you've been dreaming about. But before you can press your lips to hers, you remember something and pull back. It confuses Angelique, but you quickly explain.

"My teeth are a lot sharper in this form, I could hurt you." You tell her, showing her your sharpened teeth. She looks at them and laughs. "I'll be careful." She says, leaning back into. You pull back again. "That's great but I might forget and cut you. Maybe we should wait till the sun rises?" You say, glancing towards the window. Angie pouts but nods, understanding your concern.

"Thank gods, I didn't want to see that disgusting display" you hear Barnabas growl. Angie's and your heads snap up to Barnabas, glaring daggers. You growl back but Angie acts quick, Barnabas is slammed into the ground, the tile shattering upon his impact. He's then thrown into the wall opposite the two of you, and finally he's positioned again in the spot he was hanging from earlier, his unconscious body above you.

Your eyes are brought back to Angie by the always familiar hand on your cheek, you lean against her hand, a content sigh leaving your lips. Angie smiles at you. "I love you." She whispers, kissing your cheek, very close to your lips. You're so happy, but one fear looms over you, along with his body.

"What are you going to do about Barnabas?" You ask Angie, you're deeply worried about her response. Her soft smile turns into a wicked grin, the same one you witnessed after telling her to push that girl off a cliff, it's worries you but gives you hope at the same time.

"I think the town's people would be very interested in knowing about our local vampire." She says, eyes wild. She grins at you then sneers at Barnabas's body.

The plan was simple. Angie tells the town's people about Barnabas, leads the angry mob to the manor, and you stay hidden so no one sees you, and she'll be back to you by sunrise. So far it's went well, they came for Barnabas dragging him out of the house, you've been hiding in Angie's spell room, the one place no one can find, unless Angie wants them to find it. The sun is almost risen, you'll turn back soon, but Angie isn't here yet. You're worried, what if Barnabas told everyone she was a witch and they believed him, what if he broke free and killed her. What if she just doesn't want to come back to you.

You've paced the room for what feels like forever, worrying yourself into a panic. You're about to sneak upstairs to see if there's any sign of Angie when you hear footsteps echo down the stone steps. The latch on the door clicks open and the door swings open, Angie strides in, a smirk plastered on her face. She closes the door behind her with a flick of her wrist.

"I'm sorry, those idiots wanted to try stoning him first, they didn't realize it would work, finally, they decided to bury him deep in the woods in a chained up coffin." She explains, washing the dirt from her hands in a wash bowl. "I marked the place he was buried, just to make sure we remember and so no one can unearth him." She continues saying.

You've listened silently, just content on watching her. You're so relieved she's back, safe, not one scorch mark on her. She turns around, catching you staring, she smirks and winks at you. You blush at being caught. Angelique stalks towards you, like she's hunting her prey. As she reaches you the sunlight shines through the window, basking the room in a golden color, all you can think about is how beautiful the color makes Angie look. But her grin makes you know she's thinking something very different.

Angie reaches out, grabbing your skirts pulling you closer to her, you gasp at the feeling of her body pressing against yours. Angie leans in to whisper something in your ear. "As cute as you look in the other form, this one's my favorite." She says, then kisses below your ear.

You gasp, both at the feeling of her lips and breathe on your ear and because you forgot what the sunrise meant. You're human again. You pull back so you can see Angie's face, and you can tell she can't hold off anymore. You lean forward, and Angie surges forwards meeting your lips, it doesn't take long for a whimper to leave your lips, but Angie swallows it, pressing further into you.

It's bliss, pure bliss, you've never been happier than in this moment, and you know, it'll feel like this for a very long time to come. You'll do anything to keep Angie happy, and in the following centuries, you do just that. Sure Angie is happy with you, your relationship hasn't lost any if it's intensity or love. But you're in love with a devious little witch, and she thinks it's fun to mess with the Collins family, she even asks you to help sometimes, so when she begs and seduces you into going to bite the Collins kid. You do it.

#angelique bouchard x reader #dark shadows #angelique bouchard

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imagining-in-the-margins · 3 years

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ugh their getting toxic now i hate this

Not gonna lie, I debated just deleting this because I see absolutely no point in messaging someone to say you hate their writing that they provide to you for free after you consume over 125,000 words of it— but I will give you a chance to explain further, because I am genuinely confused by this critique.

What part about this read as “toxic” to you? It was a chapter dedicated entirely to depicting an honest and realistic portrayal of a PTSD fueled meltdown, complete with hallucinations and “ugly” mental illness symptoms. At no point during the chapter did either of them excuse their own behavior, nor each other’s.

I’ve read recently about how people are increasingly using the term “toxic” to mean “displaying signs of mental illness” and it’s hard for me to see this critique as anything but that right now. I could be entirely wrong and be missing something huge (I am not infallible)… but I’m gonna need more than that, because I legitimately don’t have a single clue what you’re referring to.

Bunny was rightfully angry to find out that Spencer hurt a young man she was at one point friends with. She’d been drinking, so she handled the situation pretty poorly. It happens. It wasn’t intentionally manipulative. She was just mad.

I showed Spencer’s POV specifically to show that he was trying to admit to himself that he had been wrong, and he knew it. But then his PTSD kicked in and he had spiraled. This is… a very common depiction of severe PTSD. I know, because I have experienced it on both sides.

At the end of the chapter, Spencer asks for help. He reached out to the only person he felt safe with, and she agreed because she knew he needed help, and she genuinely cares about him.

So, when I read this, I can only think of a few things that could be considered “toxic:”

That Spencer faked his breakdown to avoid responsibility

That Bunny immediately forgave him for everything because he cried (she definitely will address it later, when he’s not hallucinating)

That having severe PTSD makes you toxic because sometimes you might hurt someone you love who is genuinely trying to help

and I’m sorry, but if your answer is one of those, we will not ever agree. I’m really sorry if that’s the case, and I’m glad you enjoyed everything up until this point. Sorry to see you go, but I understand it might be too much for you.

I’m not going to stop displaying the good, the bad, and the ugly when I write about mentally ill characters. I try to trigger warn the best I can when I write scenes like this because I know we all have our own stories. But this is part of mine (and many others). If that makes me toxic to you, the good news is that you are not under any obligation to deal with me. Feel free to block me, unfollow me, or do whatever else you need to do for your own mental well-being. I completely understand that we all have different needs, and I wish you well and hope any discomfort I caused is brief and forgettable.

#TW trauma #TW mental illness #TW ptsd #answer #answered

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eldrai · 3 years

Text

What It's Like (Morgan & Hotch)

Read on ao3 here

Summary: Everything was supposed to be over.

Everything was over.

Right until state troopers had cuffed him, read him his rights and left him in a cell to be interrogated by a snarky son-of-a-bitch detective. Right until the team just had to get involved. Right until Buford insisted it was his help which had made Derek into himself now. Right until Hotch and Gideon stood there and heard and knew.

OR: Buford is arrested; Hotch and Morgan have a conversation.

Warnings: implied/referenced childhood sexual abuse + domestic abuse, internalized victim-blaming (not actively blaming himself for abuse, but 'I should be over it' type thinking)

Words: 2.6k

Written as platonic, could be pre-slash if you want

It shouldn’t affect him.

He shouldn’t even be here. Derek had laid it to rest the last time he’d spoken to Buford, and though it took him a couple of years to work through the overwhelmingly intense emotions he’d never let himself feel, he had reached a state he’s content with. When it crosses his mind every now and then – much more frequently when they have a similar case – the memories aren’t so sharp and stay in their box most of the time. He’s accepted he’ll never live without it but as far as things go, he’s living with it as well as he can.

Everything was supposed to be over.

Everything was over.

Derek paces outside the rec centre, awash in flickering red and blue from the car they’d stuffed Buford into. It shouldn’t affect him but here he is, a tight knot of dread in his chest and a bitter anger burning hot in his face. His clenched jaw aches and it takes a conscious effort to stop. He’s a teenager again in the worst way – furious at the world, at Buford, at himself for caring about it.

And Buford is under arrest, his personable father figure persona falling through at last, but the smallest, most selfish part of him asks if it’s worth it. For him to be dragged out here and accused of murder and stripped of dignity and secrets.

(It is. Derek would do it again in a heartbeat if it stopped more boys getting hurt, but that doesn’t mean he can’t hate every last second.)

He’ll have to tell Mom and his sisters, but Mom—it’s going to destroy her. She will blame herself for letting it happen, for not noticing, hate herself for every late shift and early start and no amount of arguing will ever truly make her understand it’s not her fault. Derek just hopes she doesn’t find out before he can tell her himself, soften the blow a little; his mind conjures up the same cop who’d arrested him, exhausted and apathetic in the eyes, spitting it out with no regard to the damage it can do.

Better than winding up in jail for a murder he didn’t commit, Derek reasons. The victory rings hollow when the prize is stripping back his skin and muscle and laying his insides bare for everyone to see, his blood as ink spelling out the ugly story. Breaking his family’s hearts.

The worst part is he’s not supposed to be angry. All the team ever did was their jobs and if Hotch had listened to him, had backed off, Derek wouldn’t be here now to be pissed at him. But that does little to soothe the sting. His secret on display just like that.

He paces and he breathes and he swallows down the anger but it’s too much to store away for later, his next trip to one of his properties and a sledgehammer in hand. Too raw. Too real.

Because he thought he was over it.

(It’s not fair. Why was it him? Why was it the boy before? Why was it the boy after? What unfortunate string of experiences led to Carl Buford deciding he’s got the right to manipulate them and befriend them and abuse them? None of it is fair and nothing will change that.

Why isn’t he over it?)

Behind him, the footsteps aren’t the stomping gait of police standard boots. Derek doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t want to see how pity looks on Hotch. It’s one thing to tolerate it from well-intentioned acquaintances but another entirely from people he cares about.

He leans against the low fence running the perimeter of the parking lot. It is scabbed over with rough rust. He lets his vision soften, blur around the edges, content with the occasional car coming past.

“Morgan.”

“What gave it away?” Derek asks. “I bet it was real satisfying to figure out what was wrong with me. So what was it?”

“I’m sorry—”

Sorry doesn’t help. Derek’s sorry too that this ever happened but saying it doesn’t make a difference. He turns, and is momentarily relieved when Hotch just looks at him the same as ever, because it’s easier to handle pity if it doesn’t really show. “Don’t. Just don’t. I’m serious, though: what was it?”

“That isn’t what I meant,” Hotch says. Infuriatingly calm. An irritating mix of gratitude and anger just fuels the fire. He wants to feel one way or the other about it, not both.

“It doesn’t matter,” Derek protests. Uniforms glance in their direction. “You had no right to – no right!”

No, he had no right but it’s only because he ignored that they’re having this argument. It’s rational and irrational to be mad and he can’t settle on which is the right thing to feel.

“I know,” Hotch admits.

That strikes a nerve.

Because no, he doesn’t. None of them do. They can’t understand the raw humiliation from the type of abuse alone, let alone having his life picked apart and examined for cracks. And yet they did it all the same, without so much as the decency to include him.

“Do you?” Derek says, his voice cold steel. “Do you really? Have you got any idea what it’s like to go through that? To have his hands on you? And then just when you think it’s over, someone comes along and brings it up again! Don’t tell me you know that!”

Blood buzzes in his ears and a spark of pain in his palms come from his fingernails pressing deep into his skin. Derek breathes, feels the tension ease a fraction, the headache and stomachache and dizziness starting to melt away. He’s not good, but he’s not close-to-a-panic-attack bad.

They stand there for a time, just breathing and occasionally making brief eye contact, and Derek is beginning to think he’s completely screwed until Hotch joins him, hands on the railing as the low rumble of distant traffic ebbs and flows.

“You were right that I don’t know what sexual abuse is like,” Hotch says. It’s how he says it unflinchingly that sets him on edge; he’s used to euphemisms and avoidance and nobody ever wants to come right out and acknowledge what it really was. At the same time, it hits like a punch to the gut. “I should have worded it better. That’s on me. What I was trying to say is that nothing you did gave it away.”

His anger has mellowed out, not as sharp as earlier but there just the same, a heaviness in his stomach and an irritability he can’t shake and doesn’t much care to try.

“So what did?”

“I know how it felt to keep secrets like that,” Hotch says. He speaks slowly. Deliberately. “I know what it’s like to have spent half the time wishing someone would notice and the other half being terrified that they’d figure it out.”

Derek swallows but says nothing. He can recognise an olive branch when he sees one.

“I know what it’s like to have to listen to everyone praise him and know even if you told someone, they’d never believe it.”

That hangs in the air until he’s pretty sure Hotch isn’t going to say anything else. “It’s always the ‘upstanding members of the community’ and you’d think someone might realise.”

“That was why I suspected Buford,” Hotch says. “Aside from the initial accusation, the image he presented of himself was too clean.”

“He needed – hell, still needs – people to think he was good,” he says. “That what you meant?”

“Good people – genuinely good people – don’t work so hard to convince everyone that they are,” Hotch says. “They aren’t perfect. They have disagreements and make mistakes. They’ve got faults because they are real people, but we never heard a bad word against Buford.”

(For some reason he’s thinking of Garcia: her bright smile and the light in her eyes and driving away the darkness that threatens to drown them. Genuinely good people indeed.)

“Me neither,” Derek says, laughs without humour. Without the burning anger he’s cold and a little empty. Mellowed-out. “I used to think people did suspect something, you know? Because someone must have. All of us, the same ages, all boys…”

“People see what they want to,” Hotch says, more than a touch cynical. “They wanted Buford to have no ill intent, so they didn’t see it. They created justifications for almost anything.”

“How did you get from ‘something’s up with this guy' to the real thing?” Derek asks.

“Process of elimination. Nothing showed up on your records and nothing indicated something removed. If he killed those boys in a fit of rage, he’d have shown a history of violence and there would be evidence of previous domestic abuse. He went to lengths to maintain a reputation, and that gave him access to children and teenagers. He favoured a specific demographic but his status kept people from questioning it.”

It’s laid out bare and clinical. Just the same as an average profile: nothing personal to him or to Buford. Derek appreciates it, a good middle ground between avoiding the issue and being painfully, painfully open. He’d just rather not have to have this conversation at all. “The team’s gotta have some idea,” he says.

Because Gideon and Hotch did, and they’re all profilers as well. The more they think about it, the more likely they are to come to the correct conclusion, and Derek is equally as apprehensive about facing their reactions. A sick guilt sets in when he thinks too much about it: the response he’s afraid of is concern, pity, kindness – a luxury many aren’t afforded.

(Does he even deserve it if he doesn’t want it?)

“They knew Gideon and I were leaving but not what we thought,” Hotch says. “If they guess, it’s their own.”

Derek looks over his shoulder. Buford’s silhouette sits in the back of a car, its chin held high, commanding a respect it had never deserved. “Yeah, well, if they haven’t figured it out by now, they’re going to once they book him in.”

“They don’t have to know more than what they hear.”

“Good to know I can choose now,” Derek mutters. “It doesn’t matter. Either they know or they don’t.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Just don’t. Please.”

“No, not that it happened,” Hotch says. A beat later: “That wasn’t what – I wish you weren’t in that position, but I’m sorry that I had to bring it up.”

“I’d be in jail,” Derek says. More than any emotion, he is plain tired. What he’d give to be at home with Clooney and his own bed. “I don’t think I’m allowed to be mad.”

“You are,” Hotch says firmly. Perhaps more than a mediocre attempt at a joke necessitates. “It was an awful situation. You’re allowed to feel however you feel about it.”

It’s not that he needs someone to tell him that, but hearing it is – he’ll admit it’s nice, to know that someone else agrees and it’s not just his own head. Derek shrugs. “I moved on. It shouldn’t be – it was fine.”

Fine before Buford dragged him into this mess—god knows how many people are going to hear his name in connection to him tonight. And how many after that? They’ll think of him and see what a sick old man did to him. Not the work he puts in. Not who he fought – fights – to be. Not a profiler and a brother and a son.

Not Derek Morgan.

Just a victim or a survivor or whichever label they thrust upon him for their own comfort, easier to digest, easier to square him away in a neat box and tell themselves it won’t affect them because it’s only ever those children. Neighbours and friends and acquaintances but never their kids.

“It doesn’t mean you haven’t,” Hotch says. “I’d be more surprised if it didn’t affect you at all.”

“It doesn’t ‘affect’ me,” Derek says. Maybe he’s spoken too soon about the pity thing. “Look, just leave it.”

“Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean feeling nothing,” Hotch says. “If you wanted to tell someone, if or when you wanted, and how much to share – that was your choice and it shouldn’t have been taken.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks for that, by the way,” he says, more bitterly than he’d intended. His thoughts return to his family. “The team are gonna know, who else?”

“Other than the officers making the arrest, nobody yet.”

Derek nods. He can work with that, has to. At the very least he’ll be the first one to tell his mom and sisters – silver linings, he supposes, no matter how thin – and it’s certainly better news to give than they’re taking him to trial for a murder he didn’t commit. This isn’t the type of thing he can just drop on them and walk away. “I’m gonna take a couple days to, uh, let things settle down around here.”

It’s not a question.

“It won’t come out of your personal time off.”

He lets go of the fence and brushes flecks of rust from his palms. Behind them the area is quieting down again, and in an hour or two there won’t be any sign of what happened beyond a handful of collective, awful memories. Well, Derek’s just glad there aren’t going to be any more kids knowing the place as somewhere bad—that it’ll never be more than a sports hall and cramped changing rooms and a stuffy old storage closet. That when they think of it, the memories are nostalgic, not thrown together into a nightmare steeped in fear.

Derek makes a move to go. It’s a short walk back to his mom’s and it’ll do him good to clear his head. Give him time to find not the right words – for there can’t be – but the most comforting.

“Morgan.”

“Yeah?”

“You know if you need to talk—”

“I know,” he says. “And no offense, but you have to say that, right? ‘Cause I don’t think either of us really want that.”

Hotch tilts his head. “I’m not saying it because I’m obligated to.”

“Yeah, I know,” Derek says. “And I’ll keep it in mind.”

He doesn’t intend to mention it. Just like how they aren’t going to mention what Hotch had told him. That’s never how they handle it. But the sentiment is there, and the team are reliable like a second family: they’d be there if he wanted to and until then, they’re not going to press it.

He’s not okay – he’ll admit that to himself if nobody else – but he’ll get there. Knowing their luck, they’ll have been thrown headfirst into a case so chaotic by next week that it’s all they can think of. Such is the job. It's crazy but he loves it.

“Thanks,” Derek says. “For not giving up.”

Hotch gives him a solemn nod.

“And sorry for the paperwork they’re gonna give you for me getting arrested,” he jokes. “Ever had to do that before?”

“Fortunately not.”

“Well,” Derek says, “there’s an early Christmas present. You’re welcome.”

That elicits something that’s almost a smile. “Take care.”

“I will. See you back home,” he says, and he walks away from Buford and the memories and this long, miserable day. Back to his mom's place with nicer reminders of childhood, the height marks pencilled on the kitchen door frame and the shower with a leaking faucet and home-cooked meals.

Back to his family.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #hotch #morgan #angst #oneshot #cm fanfic #cm fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #god i'm nervous putting this one out #but hey #also shoutout to sumayyah for letting me show her lines and generally being awesome <3 #mine

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gamerwoo · 4 years

Text

Wonwoo: Hearing Lips

Characters: Wonwoo x female reader

Genre/warnings: non idol au, angst, a little fluff, a little crack, terminal illness/cancer, implied major character death. basically this starts out a lil happy but just gets worse and worse as it goes on

Word count: 3,053

Summary: Sometimes relationships get hard. Sometimes someone cheats. Sometimes someone doesn’t feel the same anymore. And sometimes, someone gets sick and things take a turn for the worst. But in the last instance, no matter how hard things get, you stick beside them until the end. Because you love them.

a/n: i wanna make a second part at some point bc i have an idea for it but i have a lot of shit to do so we’ll see

Wonwoo took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He looked down at the clippers that one of his friends, Minghao held in his hand.

“This sucks,” was what he decided to say.

You pursed your lips and nodded slowly. It was at that stage where your husband’s hair was starting to fall out, but he decided he didn’t want to go through all that. Wonwoo asked if you would care if he just shaved his head to avoid the hair loss. You asked him why you’d care.

“What if I’m ugly?” was his response, which made both of you chuckle.

“You’re always going to be the most handsome man on the planet to me,” you replied.

So he called on his friend, Minghao to do the cutting for him. A handful of his other friends showed up, promising to shave their own heads along with Wonwoo just so he wouldn’t feel so alone.

“Why can’t I do it?” Mingyu whined. “We’ve been friends longer!”

“Because you’d probably shave his ear off,” Joshua scoffed.

As the group began to tease Mingyu, Minnghao turned to you, offering the clippers to you, “Are you sure you don’t want to do it, _____?”

You looked down at the clippers, considering it. But ultimately, you shook your head, “What if I shave his ear off?”

“The only thing I want to lose today is my hair, thanks,” Wonwoo nodded.

“Alright,” Minghao turned the clippers on, but Wonwoo didn’t react to the noise. The sound of the clippers didn’t scare him like he thought they might. Just because he had to shave his head, that didn’t mean it was the end. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged before he sat in the chair placed in front of Minghao.

While Minghao shaved Wonwoo hair, the strands falling in clumps on the floor around him, the rest of you watched and told various stories of times you’d hung out together just to lighten the mood and make each other laugh. Like the time Soonyoung stuck bubblegum in Jeonghan’s hair to see if peanut butter would actually get it out. Or when they managed to convince Seokmin that girls don’t have to shave, their hair just falls off when it gets too long.

The rest of the boys took turns sitting down in front of Minghao before Josh did the younger boy’s hair.

Admittedly, Wonwoo pulled the bald look off.

Seungcheol absolutely did not.

“Where are you going?”

You had heard the bedroom door closed and turned your head away from the TV in time to see Wonwoo walk down the hall. You’d brought him home from his chemotherapy appointment and knew he was supposed to be resting afterwards, so you were concerned as to why he was going down the hall.

“Office,” he replied.

You got up from the couch and went to follow him, “Why?”

“Bills.”

Wonwoo was always a stickler for paying the bills on time, but you weren’t sure why he didn’t just let you do it or simply ask you to do it for him.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” you told him.

“I’ll be sitting in a chair, it’s fine,” he said before entering the office and shutting the door behind him.

With a sigh, you retreated back to the living room, deciding to text one of your friends to see what to do. Wonwoo had been getting a bit touchy lately, and you didn’t want to tell him what to do and make him mad. So your best option was to get advice because you didn’t want Wonwoo to pass out in the office or something.

To Hansol: wonwoo wont lay down

From Hansol: ???? whats he doing?

To Hansol: paying the bills in the office

From Hansol: ah

From Hansol: maybe he wants to make himself useful??

To Hansol: wdym

From Hansol: all he’s supposed to be doing now is basically nothing

From Hansol: things arent looking good rn

From Hansol: he probably want to do things for you and himself while he still can

You stared at your phone, feeling a pang in your chest reading the texts. You let out a sigh and set your phone down, letting Wonwoo stay in the office to do the bills.

it was the first time all of the guys had come over since putting Wonwoo’s bed in the living room. It was the only place with enough space since it was a hospital bed, and Wonwoo would at least always have the TV since the only thing he could do at this point was lay in bed.

“Wish I could sleep in my living room,” Soonyoung said.

“Yeah, I bet your girlfriend wishes that, too,” Jeonghan nodded.

Once a month, they’d all have a game night where the thirteen of them would gather at someone’s house to play something, whether it be Uno, poker, Cards Against Humanity, or whatever else they could come up with for that many players. But until your husband got better, it would have to be at your house all the time.

You gave them their space despite insisting they could include you in the game. You decided to just go to the office and use Wonwoo’s PC to play some games and watch a little YouTube.

In the living room, the boys were playing Uno together while talking and laughing together. A few of them were drinking beer as well, but most of them stuck to soft drinks instead.

“How’re you doing lately, Woo?” Jeonghan asked after taking a sip of his drink.

Wonwoo shrugged with a sigh, “Fine, I guess. I can only use this blanket because the others feel bad on my skin. I’m bored. I’ve watched like, every YouTube video ever at this point.”

“How do you feel, though?” Chan wondered.

“Tired.”

Junhui laid down a card before looking over at Wonwoo, “How’s _____ been?”

“She’s an absolute angel,” he chuckled. “She takes care of me and everything. She’s the strongest person I know.”

“If you ever need one of us to stay here for a couple days to help out, you know you can ask,” Jihoon stated with a handful of them nodding or giving various sounds of agreement.

“Neither of us wants to bother anyone.”

“It’s not a bother,” Seungcheol said, looking Wonwoo in the eyes. “Neither of you will ever be a bother.”

Jeonghan nodded, “We know things are going to get tough and we’re here for you guys. Just say the word.”

“Yeah...” Wonwoo shrugged with a deep sigh as he put down a card when it was his turn, “there are days worse than others. But lately, it’s been okay, I guess. At least, that’s what she leads me to believe.”

“Yeah, _____’s never been one to break down in front of people,” Seungkwan mumbled.

“I hope she’s doing okay, though,” Wonwoo frowned. “I feel so bad for her...”

You truly were the strongest person Wonwoo knew for doing just about everything for not only him, but for yourself and everything around the house. And you did it all without ever showing if you were feeling negatively -- at least, not around him. Wonwoo thought you were absolutely amazing, but inside, he felt guilty for doing this to you.

But like you’d never tell Wonwoo when you felt overwhelmed, he’d never tell you how he felt, either.

It was one of those days. One of those bad days. You felt like the world was crumbling right in front of you but there was nothing you could do about it. You were sad, scared, stressed out, and you didn’t know what to do next or who to go to. You always just kept things bottled inside even though your friends and family told you it was better to talk to people about things. But you didn’t want to seem like you were complaining about Wonwoo. It wasn’t your husband that was the problem, it was the situation.

You had taken Wonwoo’s empty dinner plate from the living room to the kitchen, setting it in the sink. You dropped your head, hands gripping the edge of the counter as you squeezed your eyes shut to keep the tears threatening to escape from spilling.

Something one of the nurses had said to you during one of Wonwoo’s hospital visits was to be careful of what you say, even quietly, around him.

“People with cancer and the like tend to just hear really well,” she explained. “Especially when they can’t open their eyes anymore. Their hearing is scarily good. Don’t say anything bad around him because he will hear it.”

You learned to only let out your emotions when you were alone in your bedroom, but you couldn’t make it through the living room to get there. So you just stood in the kitchen, trying to compose yourself to go back out into the living room to sit with your husband.

“This is too hard,” you just barely whispered to yourself.

“I know,” you heard Wonwoo say softly from the living room, “I’m sorry, love.”

You lifted your head, your heart breaking hearing him apologize. You didn’t even think about how he heard you, rushing into the other room to promise that you weren’t talking about him. As you walked up to his bed, he looked up at you with a sad half-smile.

“I know I’m making things tough,” he continued quietly. “I’m really sorry you have to deal with it.”

“No, baby, no,” you quickly shushed him, cupping his face in your hands. “It’s not you, it’s the situation. You’re not difficult or making things difficult. None of this is your fault.”

Wonwoo didn’t really like things touching his skin because it had become so sensitive and felt weird when most things touched it, but he leaned into your touch and put his hands over yours. He noticed the tears welling up in your eyes and reached one hand up to brush his thumb under one of your eyes.

“It’s okay if you need to cry, you know,” he told you. “You keep everything to yourself and that’s not healthy.”

You shook your head, whispering so your voice wouldn’t break, “I have to be strong for you. I don’t want to cry and scare you that things are getting bad.”

He chuckled sadly, “_____, I know things are bad. You’re stressed. You can cry, it’s okay.”

Hearing him say that broke you for some reason. You collapsed in the chair you kept beside his bed and just cried while he held your hand. That was the first time you cried in front of Wonwoo in a long time.

While you cried, you heard him softly tell you, “You’re still the strongest person I know.”

Despite not wanting to go, Wonwoo had to be admitted to the hospital. You weren’t sure for how long, but he was complaining about feeling sick and neither of you were sure if it was cancer-related or not. But the doctors decided it was best to keep an eye on him for a couple days until he was feeling better.

Unfortunately, he was getting to a point where his eyes didn’t open as often. Even if he was awake, sometimes he just looked like he was sleeping. You were told that would happen eventually, and whenever Wonwoo looked at you, you looked back at him and tried to memorize the shade of brown as if it would be the last time you’d ever see his eyes.

Jeonghan came to visit you at the hospital after finding out you were there for an entire day without anybody besides Wonwoo. So he rushed there after work and sat with you in Wonwoo’s hospital room, both of you trying to keep your voices down since Wonwoo seemed to be sleeping. You knew if Wonwoo knew that one of his friends were there, he would’ve been talking to them.

Jeonghan reached out with his foot, nudging your shin with the tip of his sneaker to get your attention. You looked over at him. He mouthed something to you, but you weren’t sure what it was.

You cocked your head to one side, mouthing, “What?”

He leaned forward, so you did, too. He tried to whisper his question as quitely as he could, but you still heard absolutely nothing, and you were having trouble reading his lips.

“What?” you mouthed again.

“He asked if you paid the bills on time,” Wonwoo murmured, still looking like he was asleep, “but it’s okay if you didn’t.”

The only part of Wonwoo that moved was his mouth. Even once he was done talking, he looked like he had been sleeping the entire time. You wondered if you almost inaudible conversation was heard loud and clear to him.

“O-oh,” you said. “Um, my mom reminded me, yeah.”

“Did you...have enough?” Jeonghan wondered.

“Please don’t offer us money again,” you frowned.

“You know I have more than enough for myself. And you’re always staying home to take care of Wonwoo. I just want to make sure you’re both okay fanatically.”

It was true that Jeonghan made pretty good money. And considering his last relationship didn’t work out, he only had to support himself. For what he got paid, he definitely had some to spare. Still, neither you nor Wonwoo wanted to take ‘free money’ from your friends.

You opened your mouth to reply, but a nurse had walked in and asked to speak with you. You sent a playful glare toward Jeonghan before you got up and left the room.

Jeonghan was unaware that Wonwoo’s hearing had gotten so strong, and the fact he heard the question surprised him. So he wanted to test it to see how good it was, mouthing something else.

“No, Jeonghan, you can’t steal my wife,” Wonwoo sighed with the hints of a smirk on his face. “At least not until I’m dead.”

Jeonghan ignored the dark addon at the end, letting out a chuckle, “That’s kind of spooky, dude.”

“I hear everything now,” he said.

The older boy sat back in his seat, staring over at his friend who still had his eyes closed -- despite that, he still had his glasses on for whatever reason, “Have you actually...talked with _____ about that, though?”

“About you stealing her?”

“No. Have you told her if you’d want her to move on if you actually do...y’know?”

“Yeah. When I was first bedridden, I figured I should mention it. I told her to just find someone who makes her happy, even if it was one of you. I just said she can’t marry Soonyoung because he’s a fucking idiot.”

Jeonghan let out a laugh, leaning forward in his chair, “Yeah, I don’t think any of us would let that happen. Even Soonyoung knows he wouldn’t be good enough for her.”

“I’m glad she’ll at least have you guys if anything happens,” Wonwoo hummed. “You’ll watch out for her. You’ll make sure she doesn’t get into any shady relationships or do anything reckless.”

“Why do you always assume we need to be there?”

“Because I need to be prepared.”

Jeonghan sat back in his seat again, not knowing what to say. He just stared at his friend, hoping that he was preparing for nothing.

You had a bad feeling this was coming, but you were hoping it was just your anxiety telling you that. But when the doctor told you that you had to have the papers signed, you knew that there wasn’t any going back now.

Wonwoo was going to die.

Just in case, he had already gone to have the papers drawn up for if he’d want to be revived or not if anything should happen. But he had forgotten to get them from your attorney so they had to be retrieved and signed. But you were specifically told you couldn’t just instruct your husband to sign them. You had to sit there and explain what everything was, and then he could sign them. You just weren’t sure if you could do that.

Seungcheol was the one who went into Wonwoo’s hospital room with you with the papers. You sat down by Wonwoo’s bed while Seungcheol sat in a chair across the room and watched, just there for emotional support if you needed it.

“What’re those?” Wonwoo asked.

“I need to go over these with you,” you told him.

You sat by his bed with his table pulled out as you read the papers and explained what they meant. You already knew the decisions Wonwoo had made, but reading them and saying them out loud was hard, especially knowing that this was how things would end. He said he didn’t want to be revived because he knew how hard it would be on you. He wanted to make things quicker and easier.

“So if you’re to...start...going...you don’t want--”

You couldn’t even finish the sentence before you choked on your tears, coughing to clear your throat.

And that’s when Wonwoo knew. This was it.

“Why’re you crying?” he asked quietly. He knew this was coming. He knew you knew this was coming. But he knew you wanted to believe it wouldn’t.

You sniffed while you tried to control your breathing so you wouldn’t break down sobbing. But it didn’t work, tears already falling down your cheeks as you whimpered, “I don’t want you to die.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Seungcheol got up and stood beside you, rubbing your back to comfort you despite tears of his own escaping from his eyes. He couldn’t even say anything to help you feel better because he knew nothing would work. So he helped you go over the papers with Wonwoo while all three of you tried to choke back tears.

It was getting close. You knew it was. You just had a feeling that stuck with you all day, so you never left Wonwoo’s side. You held his hand and sat beside him for hours, trying to keep your crying as silent as you could while you mouthed ‘I love you’ as many times as you could because you were too afraid of your voice breaking if you spoke.

But you knew Wonwoo heard every word.

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yee-fxcking-haw · 3 years

Text

What Happens Next?

A/N: Y'ALL I FUCKIN DID IT I FINISHED THE DAMN FIC. So I definitely bit off more than I could chew by making my first fic a multipart with so much fucking emotion and such a busy plot but lol we did it! Thank you to everyone who has read the story and asked to be tagged and sent me kind words I love y'all so damn much.

Warnings/Rating: 18+ explicit content, very soft romantic smut, unprotected sex, almost a blowjob, James finishes inside the reader. A lot of fluffy love making petty much a great time.

Summary: In the sixth and final chapter of this series, James and you finally figure your shit out. You have to stop running from each other, what you have is far too brilliant...

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Part Five

Playlist

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Part Six

Annie's Diner

"I'm a nurse! I'm a nurse, let me see him!" A soft voice calls out over your shoulder. James' head turns towards the voice, his eyes fluttering back open.

"James?" You ask urgently.

"Relax doll, I was just restin' my eyes for a second. Fightin' off assholes is hard work."

He slowly raises to brace himself on his elbows, wincing a little while he does.

The nurse comes around and drops to her knees on the other side of him. She's a pretty little thing with honey colored hair and bright brown eyes.

"Just give us one second dear, I'm certain he's alright I just need to check for a concussion."

You don't answer, you just nod and get up to turn to the small crowd that's begun to disperse, seemingly disappointed with the lack of action.

This is an opportunity for you to finally take a deep breath and process everything that's happene. Air fills your lungs, shoulders rising and tensing for a moment. You release and let your posture fall back down, letting yourself portray outwardly how drained you feel inside. You've gone from hating James and being terrified of him, to being saved by him, to understanding him to… what now? If everything he's said is true, then everything that happened between you two is just as meaningful as it was before prom. Although, misunderstanding or not, it still hurt like hell. You should be more cautious, right? You shouldn't just run back into his arms like everything's fine, even though it is.

You turn to look back at him, long legs sprawled on the pavement while the alleged nurse checks his pulse and his pupils. He's joking about something, you can tell by the way his eyebrows are sitting higher and the lopsided smile on his face. He's propped up on his elbows, strong arms straining against his shirt. The image sends you back to the afternoon that changed it all, you remember his solid body collapsing onto your lap in a dramatic display of feigned illness. Your lips twitch into a small smile at the thought. You shake your head and walk back towards them.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look worried about me doll." He jests, the nurse turns to glance at you and smiles fondly.

"Your fella is just fine dear, try and keep him on a shorter leash next time." She chuckles as she stands and dusts off her pretty green skirt, James follows, wincing as he stands.

You feel your cheeks heat up at the implication that James is yours, while he wears a very satisfied smirk at the idea. You swallow thickly and give her a silent nod. James thanks her sweetly for checking him, she says something back to him but you've completely zoned out. Her comment has senr you into a state of utter confusion. Is he your fella? No, you never established that. He did call you his girl though, so that would make him your fella. On top of that, what happened on the roof after Coney Island doesn't just happen between friends, not even friends with benefits. The way he held you so tightly, the way he littered kisses down your spine. Those aren't things you share with someone that doesn't belong to you.

The nurse politely ducks away to go back into the diner with the rest of the onlookers. Leaving you and James to stand alone in the dimly lit parking lot. His jaw looks much worse for wear, the skin is so angry and red. He'll definitely have a bruise, an ugly one at that. James lets out a long sigh, staring down at you with those big blue eyes. Despite it all, the idiot is still smiling. You scowl up at him, you cross your arms and lean to one side, refusing to let him crack you.

"You mad at me?" He asks timidly, he gives you an exaggerated pout while he lifts a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear.

You don't say a word. Of course you're mad at him. He scared you half to death, all for what? Just so he could feel like the tough guy? To prove a point to you? To prove a point to himself? He must have known the fight would end with him beat or worse and he has gall to ask if you're mad?

"Hey." He breathes, his hand comes to rest under your chin so he can tilt your face up with his knuckles. The gesture makes your heart flutter wildly.

"I get it, that was stupid, could've gotten hurt much worse and all that." He says, his eyes are gentle and attentive.

You huff and blink up at him, waiting for the rest of his explanation.

"He just- he came in there talkin' all that shit about you bein' his. It pissed me off is all, you're not his. You're not really anybody's- I mean, I'd like to make you mine- but not in the way he meant. I don't want to own you, I wanna love you, doll. I wanna keep you safe and make you laugh and get my ass beat in skee ball and do all that other cheesy crap. I know I fucked up so badly, but baby please-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish his little rant, the second he calls you baby your hands fly to the sides of his face. As it always does with him, your body moves separate from your mind. You smash your lips into his and you feel his hands settle on your waist, clutching you like you're going to float away at any second. That same baffling electricity thrums through your body as your lips move against each other. The rhythm of the kiss is like an echo of the one you shared on the roof. It has the same tide like push and pull, each of you giving and taking from each other in perfect unison. His lips are soft and urgent against yours, his grip solid and grounding. His hands slide towards each other behind you so his arms can find their home around your waist. The feeling makes you sigh against his lips. After months of being without this feeling, after only having it once, all you've done is want it back and now you have it again.

The kiss only breaks so you can both breathe, foreheads still pressed together, wanting to stay as connected as possible. He smiles down at you, it's a beautiful dopey grin. The look he's giving you makes a shiver run up your spine.

"You wanna go skinny dipping?" You ask, absolutely shocked at your own words.

What the hell? Did Molly fucking possess you? He scoffs and ducks down so his eyes are level with yours.

"Do I wanna what?!" He starts cracking up, and you can't help but join him, the absurdity of it all getting to you.

You can't help but think why the hell not. After all of this, all the confusion and the hurt, you two deserve a night like you shared months ago. Maybe you're an idiot, maybe you're only acting based on an emotional response to what James has done for you tonight. But fucking hell, why not just put it all behind you and live a little? James wants to be yours, he wants you to be his. You need to just let it be and stop fighting the way you both keep hurtling towards each other. So yeah, you want to go skinny dipping. It's the most impulsive, idiotic thing you can think of, and you've always wanted to try it.

"I think you know my answer." He chuckles.

"Let go then." You say quickly, turning on your heels so you can head to the truck before you change your mind.

"Woah kid wait up." He calls out to you while he laughs as he follows.

You reach the truck and swing the door open so you can hop in, he scrambles in as you frantically shove the keys in and crank it into gear.

"Hey." His soft voice snaps you out of your manic state. Your eyes dark to his and you feel your breathing slow down some.

"How 'bout we save the skinny dipping for another time?" He asks, voice soft and steady.

You just nod, becoming aware of how hard you were trying to be light-hearted and fun to mask how overwhelmed you're feeling.

"We don't have to move so fast, doll. We did last time and it didn't go so well, I don't wanna mess up this time." He says, his silvery eyes don't leave yours for a second.

Your head moves up and down silently again, you pull some air into your lungs slowly. He's right. You're trying too hard to make everything ok again. You just want to feel like you did on the roof, you want to be free of all the shit that's happened. James has a point though, you've both learned what happens when things move too quick for you both to keep track of it all. You have to be careful with it this time. Careful and boring are often mistakingly paired together, but not with James. It's undeniable that what you have with him is irreplaceable, which makes it all the more critical that you both handle this like it's made of glass.

"So, what do you want to do?" Your voice is so small, almost unrecognizable.

"I want to dance with you." He states, making your heart soar.

"Like, back at the dance hall?" You ask, the stress evident in your voice.

"God no, we can go to my house." He says it like it's obvious.

"Won't your family mind?" The idea of meeting them now makes you extremely anxious. It would be rather awkward to show up to meet his mother for the first time while he's wearing a shiner you half gave him.

"My Ma and my sister are at my aunt's house." He explains, his voice is laced with a tentative tone.

"Oh…" You exhale gently, understanding the situation.

"Only if you want to, I promise I'll behave." His tone shifts to something slightly taunting.

You can't help but smile, he's always quite the charmer.

"What fun would that be?" You chuckle, "Take me home, Bucky."

The nickname makes him smile in the most dazzling way, it stays glued to his face almost the whole way to his house.

James' House

You pull up to the front of an adorable little white house. It's very sweet looking, very simple and quaint. As the engine dies you glance over at James, he's looking at the house with a very solemn, spaced out gaze. Instinctively, you reach out and grab his hand, sliding your fingers between his own.

"I know…" You say as gently as you can. It's his dad, you know because you wear that look far too often. James just nods slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. You don't dare speak again, you just hold his hand. You don't need to say anything, you don't ever want people to say anything when you have the same feeling. All you can do is sit and understand him. Your chest fills with a horrible ache at the sight, but you're also filled with a strange relief. You aren't alone, and he isn't either. You have each other, you know each other, you get to love each other.

He lets the air fall out of his chest, face softening as he does.

"Thank you, doll." His eyes meet yours and he offers you a weak smile.

"Let's go inside." He says. He walks around to help you out of the truck, offering his hand like a gentleman. You want to slap it away out of instinct, but tonight is different.

He helps you down then wraps his hand around yours as he leads you up the sidewalk.

Before he opens the door he presses a kiss on the side of your head. It's quick and soft, and very different from the way he's kissed you before. Every other time it's felt like he prepared for it, and you had time to brace for it. This time it feels like he's used to doing it, like it's a natural thing.

The house is exactly what you would anticipate the home of a widow to look like. Decorated with lace doilies, soft blankets draped on the couch, and delicate lamps that cast a fuzzy yellow haze over the room. The living room is right off of the front door, and the kitchen is just an extension of it. A cute little staircase is on the left wall leading up to what you can only imagine is an equally quaint upstairs.

James walks confidently into his home, straight for the record player. As he fiddles with it you wander over to the fireplace. The mantle is littered in beautiful family photos, just like at your house. His father is in many of them, kissing his mom, holding a young James on his shoulder, cradling a baby you assume must be James' sister. He was handsome like James, but their faces aren't identical, you can see where his face is a balance of the two individuals. Your chest burns with remorse, knowing that these pictures serve as the only thing they have left of the man they all loved so well.

You startle just a little when James wraps his arms around your waist from behind, but relax when he presses a kiss into the side of your neck.

"It's alright, doll." He mumbles. You don't know if he says it for you or for him, but it doesn't matter. You let yourself sink further into the comfort of being known so well by James.

The music pops into existence, a gentle rhythm fills the room. The song is made of soft trumpets and strings, it's a beautiful, romantic melody. Something you would expect old lovers to sway to in their living room. You and James have the lovers part down, you just need to grow old and have your own living room. Is that even in the cards for you two? You sure as hell hope it is. You remember your realization on the roof that night, thinking about how if love isn't like what you two have, you don't want to love at all.

The feeling suffocates you as he spins you around in his arms. His eyes see right through you as his hands find their home on your waist while your arms slide around his neck.

"I love you doll, I never stopped." He breathes with an urgent look in his eyes.

He starts to sway with you around the living room as you gaze up at him completely dumbfounded. Of course he loves you, and you love him. Yes, you have so much left to learn about each other, but my God has James stolen your heart. Ever since you two left that classroom, you've been consuming each other's thoughts. You've been willing yourselves to try and understand the electricity that sparks between you. It's been so fucking messy, but now that you're in his arms again, dancing like an old married couple, you finally understand it all.

"I love you too…" You say it so softly it's almost not heard, but James catches it.

That dazzling smile spreads across his face, it's contagious nature making your own lips split into a grin.

"Would my outstanding skills in the bedroom have anything to do with that?" He says with a sickly sweet voice.

"James!" You laugh and slap his arm. He throws his head back to let out a playful laugh, the sound sets off a swarm of butterflies in your stomach.

"I wouldn't know what your skills are like in the bedroom anyway, I only know what they're like on a roof." You joke.

"We could change that." He says, his voice taking on a much lower tone.

You both freeze and stare into each other's eyes. The air around you feels so thick and the room starts to blur a little, everything except James.

Then you're on each other. Your lips crash together and your hands snag whatever they can. You let out a whiney noise from the back of your throat, which only spurs James on more. His hand grabs at your waist and he licks at your bottom lip. His actions inspire a wonderful heat to settle in your stomach, the feeling gives you confidence you've never felt before. You slide your hands up his chest to grasp his collar, silently begging him to come closer. The two of you break for air for only a second, eyes glued to each other as you pant and try to comprehend the fire growing between you.

"What are you waiting for, Bucky?" You tease.

A wild look spreads in his eyes and a wide grin overtakes his handsome face. Before you can make another witty comment, James brings his strong hands to the backs of your thighs and hoists you up so you can wrap your legs around him. You let out a shocked giggle but gladly welcome his choice to hold you like this. Now level with his face, you throw your arms around his shoulders and place a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose. He wrinkles his face dramatically and let's out a low chuckle.

"I'm gonna drive you wild, doll." He responds with all the confidence in the world.

Of course, his words make your chest ache with desire, your thighs involuntarily squeeze him a little tighter. With the natural push and pull that you two have, his body responds to your actions without thought. He lets his hands slide up to hold your thighs dangerously close to the swell of your ass, fire spreading to your center as he does.

"That's some big talk." You mumble, blinking at him slowly.

"It sure is." His eyes wander down to your lips, not even a second passes before you're on each other again. He damn near kisses the breath out of your lungs this time, his soft, skilled lips make you head spin and all you can do is hold on tight.

"Can I take you to my room?" He asks against your lips. His voice has a gentle, begging tone to it that makes you shiver.

"Please." You sigh as you let your hands slide into the soft hair on the back of his head. He kisses you hard and walks blindly up the stairs, then he's kicking the door open to what you can only assume is his room. You feel your body falling then feel your back meet a soft mattress. Bucky settles easily between your legs and your heart races when you feel how hard he is already. His hot mouth is on your neck instantly, painting your skin with needy kisses.

"Can I take this off of you?" He mumbles while he pulls at the fabric of your dress.

You can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm.

"Gettin' right into it, huh?" You say.

He brings his hand up so he can hold your face and run his thumb across your cheek bone. His eyes are soft but determined as he studies your face.

"I don't wanna waste any more time." He says simply, the phrase is loaded with months of longing. His confession dazzles you, leaving you laying there with no idea how to breathe. All you can do is nod in understanding and revel in the feeling of his wet kisses against your neck again. He gently hikes your dress up to your waist, then quickly brings his hands back down so he can run them up your thighs. His hands settle on your hips, thumbs pressing on the bones so he can pin you down slightly as he rolls his hips against your center.

Your hands instinctively claw at his broad back as a hiss leaves your lips.

"Let me get on top." You sigh, completely shocking yourself with your boldness.

You feel him smile against your collar bone before his hands glide up to hold your waist. He flips you both over with ease, granting you your wish without argument. You catch your breath as you settle on his lap, hands splayed across his chest.

"I'm all yours, doll." His eyes fall down your body sinfully, making your chest seize up and your legs squeeze around him.

You lean down to capture his lips in yours again, sighing contentedly when he moves against you like he did when you kissed for the first time on the roof.

"I missed you." You mutter against his mouth.

"Let's make up for that, yeah?" He replies quickly as he moves to pull your dress over your head. You lift your arms and let him undress you as you sit back. Soon the dress is out of the way and his warm hands are holding your waist again, thumbs brushing up and down against your skin. You become suddenly ashamed of your lackluster underwear and you feel your cheeks heat up as you watch James' eyes skate down your figure. As if he senses you unease, he sits up and snakes his arms around your waist. He presses a delicate kiss into the swell of each of your breasts as you card your fingers through his hair.

"You're so perfect." He whispers against your skin.

"Can I take this off?" He asks, bringing his thumbs up to hook his fingers around your bra straps.

Somehow, everything about this feels even more innocent than the first time you two made love. Maybe it's the knowledge that you don't have to show off, talk dirty, or have all the hot moves in order to impress each other. You're both just enchanted by the presence of one another. Finally, you're both able to just be together. There's no fear of what people will say about you in school tomorrow, no terrifying rumor hanging over your head. Just you and James, able to lose yourselves completely in this wonderful moment you've found.

You carefully undress each other, leaving tender kisses on any newly exposed skin, whispering sweet nothings as well as declarations of devotion. You cherish every second that passes as you explore each other's bodies again. Soon you're both fully exposed to each other, your hands grasp desperately at his shoulder as soon as you feel his erect length graze your core. You think back to how his lips felt between your legs, and you immediately want to repay the favor. You slink down his body until you settle between his legs. His abs tense as you slide your palms up his muscular thighs.

You know Bucky is big, especially after last time, but being face to face with his dick makes you realize his size is genuinely intimidating. He looks beautiful like this, all flushed and hard. His tip is a pretty shade of dark pink, similar to his lips, and there's a small bead of precum leaking out of his slit. The sight makes you clench your thighs and lick your lips.

"See somethin' you like?" He teases.

"I sure do." You flirt back, wasting no time in wrapping your hand around his length to give him one slow pump. He throws his head back with as you bring your lips to his tip and give it a chaste kiss.

"Tell me if I do something wrong, please." You say, the tremble in your voice revealing just how nervous you really are.

James shoots up instantly, grabbing the wrist of the hand that's around his dick while the other comes up to cup your face. His thumb slides across your cheek bone affectionately as he stares at you with his kind blue eyes.

"Doll, if you're not ready for that, don't do it." His voice is like rich hot chocolate, spreading through your body and warming every nerve.

"But, last time you- I figure I owed you…" It makes sense in your head, but by the look he gives you it doesn't make any sense to him.

"Baby," He breathes out, leaning in to kiss your forehead, "Come here."

With gentle hands he pulls you into his lap so you can straddle him while he takes your face in his hands, gazing up at you with intensity.

"Anything I do for you, is because I want to. You don't owe me a damn thing. If you're ever not ready for something you tell me, and we can talk about it, ok?" His voice has a hint of urgency to it, like he can't stress the words enough.

You nod silently as you try to understand the man beneath you. Your brain desperately claws through your vocabulary to find the words to best describe the beautiful human being you've fallen for. All you can come up with is something terribly insufficient, but incredibly accurate. He's kind. He's a "heart if gold" kind of guy. Under the charm, the handsome face, the quick witted humor, James Barnes is the kindest person you've ever met.

Your lips are on his before he can say anything else, following that involuntary reaction you've developed whenever you're around him. He kisses you back as fiercely as you kiss him, heavy breaths falling from his mouth as you work against one another. You can't help but whimper when you feel the hot skin of his dick slide along your drenched core.

"Make love to me, James, please-" You beg against his lips.

All he can manage is a moan against your mouth as he reaches down between you to grab himself so he can get lined up at your entrance. He opens his mouth to say something, but it's stolen from him as you inch down to slide the tip in. A beautiful, lustful sigh leaves his puffy lips as you do. It's still a harsh stretch for your walls, but this time you can anticipate it and welcome it. Slowly, you descend until he's in you completely. As soon as he's bottomed out you lean your forehead on his shoulder and let out a pitiful whine.

"You ok, doll?" He asks, nudging his nose against your jaw.

"I'm good, you're just so big…" You sigh. His grip on your waist tightens and you feel him twitch inside you.

"Careful sweetheart, don't want this ego getting any bigger." He teases, earning an airy giggle from you.

You brace yourself by holding his shoulders, rolling your hips tentatively. He kisses your neck when you do so and slides his arms around your waist, so you must be doing something right. You mimic the movement with a little more confidence this time. You can't help but bring your head up and send James a nervous glance, and he's more than willing to reassure you.

"That's good baby, that feels good." He says with a voice like honey as he skates his lips across your neck.

His praising words make your insides melt, spurring you on as you keep rolling against him. The way the soft skin of his dick moves against your soaked walls in euphoric. Your hands cling to each other, lips kiss where the can, short breaths fall from your mouth. All of it creates a truly beautiful atmosphere. It's nothing like the urgent, frantic mood you had last time. This doesn't feel like two teenagers who can't wait to see somebody naked for the first time. This feels like two people who want to be uncovered by each other.

His hands slide so he can spread his palms across your damp back and you shiver from the feather soft intimacy of the motion. Your forehead falls against his and your eyes lock.

"You're incredible." You sigh as brilliant sparks of pleasure start to build in your core.

You slowly build the pace of your hips until you're rocking against him with a rhythm that makes his nails claw at your back as he groans and pants. He's so deep inside you, reaching and rubbing against every sweet spot you have.

"Fuck- that's perfect doll- so fucking perfect." His voice has climbed in pitch slightly, he sounds almost whiney.

Your head falls to his shoulder, you shove your mouth against his collarbone in an attempt to muffle a pitiful sob as it shakes your abdomen. The feelings are all so fucking intense, your eyes screw shut as your walls start to flutter. Your chest aches as your head spins, completely incapable of comprehending all of the sensations drowning you in this moment.

"James- James I'm gonna-" Your words are cut off completely as one of his strong arms easily cradles you so he can flip you onto your back. You hit the mattress and he doesn't give you a single second to catch your breath before he's rocking his hips against yours.

"Fucking hell." You huff out as he plants his hands on either side of your head so he can bare down even more when he thrusts.

"I wanna see you, wanna see that pretty face." Both of you moan uncontrollably when you spread your legs even more to give him better access. Soon he's hitting some rapturous spot deep within you, setting off every nerve in your body.

Tears gather in your eyes and it takes every ounce of self control you have to not succumb to the desire to start crying beneath him. His body is moving so beautifully above you, every muscle working to give you everything he has. Your eyes burn with the tears you refuse to let fall as you pull your bottom lip into your mouth to keep another sob caged inside you.

"Baby, don't hide anything." He says with a broken voice as he drops to his elbows so he can bring his face closer to your own.

"Cry if you need to, I got you." He punctuates his sentence with a stunning moan, and it absolutely breaks you. Your body trembles as you finally release all the emotion you've been suppressing. Your back arches and you finally let the tears cascade down the sides of your face. The sight of you falling apart beneath him, so fragile and overstimulated, it motivates him even more. His pace increases as he chants nonsense phrases of adoration to you.

He tells you how beautiful you are, how tight you feel, how good you are for him. All while your entire body quakes for him and his magnificent pace. You don't want to say his thrusts are hard, that word seems so utterly insufficient for how he's making love to you right now. His movements are committed, he fills you up with every push in and leaves you wanting so much more every time he draws back out.

"Baby you feel so good- fuck- please don't stop." You beg him as your cunt starts to pulse around him again, body edging towards that blinding release.

"No fuckin' way, I'm never gonna stop." He pants while his thick eyebrows push towards each other as his face crumples into a look of intense focus.

He braces himself on one arm so he can snake a skilled hand between your bodies, thumb finding your swollen clit almost immediately. It hits you immediately, almost before he even touches your sensitive bud. Your body anticipates his touch and sends itself over the edge, and my God it's fucking brilliant. Your pussy grips onto his cock as it slides in and out, your hands claw at his hot skin as his name falls from your lips. You sing him a pitiful song, made of incoherent swearing and plenty of crying.

"That's it sweet girl, give it to me- shit you're squeezin' the life outta me." You barely retain the words as he spits them out between frantic breaths as he chases his own high.

In one fluent motion, James flips your legs over each of his shoulders. He grabs the meat of your hips and lifts your pelvis off the bed as he brings his torso upright so he can settle back on his knees. If you thought you were crying before, you were fucking wrong. You scream out as tears flood your face, you can't tell if you're hurtling into another orgasm before your first has even finished, or if it's all just one long, mind numbing climax. Regardless, it's too good to be true. Every inch of you tingles and clenches as James snaps his hips into you, the angle sends fluorescent jolts of pleasure into your cunt and up your abs.

"Yeah doll, keep cumming for me, you feel so fuckin' perfect." He tosses his head back as he nearly shouts your name.

Your body starts to cool down just enough to provide some clarity. You're still twitching and tears are still rolling, but you at least have the wits to throw some praises at him. It's the least you can do when he's working so hard to make you fall apart.

"Fuck James, you made me cum so hard." Your words have an affect on him instantly, his fingertips bite at your flesh as hips tense and you feel his cock twitch inside you.

"You make me feel so good baby, you drive me fuckin' crazy." He lets go of your hips and throws your legs apart so he can fall on top of you again. He presses his forehead against yours before his lips meet your own so he can kiss you like it's the last time he'll ever have the chance.

"Let me feel you cum James- fuck- do it inside me, I want you to cum inside me." Your hands are at the sides of his face, thumbs rubbing his temples affectionately as you lose your mind.

"Oh baby- shit doll- I'm gonna- oh my God- Fuck!" With that final exclamation he buries himself inside you, enchanting moans fall from his full lips as he tenses and fills you. You hold still and focus on the feeling of his cock pulsing inside you as he moans above you. His sounds are so full of relief and what must be exhaustion. Your eyes flutter open to observe him while he finishes. His eyebrows are high with his eyes shut and his lips parted as he tries to catch his breath while his orgasm fizzles out. His eyelids slowly peel apart and soon you're both watching each other. You're completely enthralled by the work of art above you, and he is entirely captured by the muse below him.

Slowly, like he doesn't want to ever leave, he inches his softening length out of you. You hate the feeling of him leaving your body, you hate how empty you feel. He presses a fond kiss to your forehead while he smooths some of your sweaty hair down.

"Don't move." He whispers. Then he's off of the bed and through his bedroom door, you assume to find something to get you both cleaned up.

Your body is still buzzing from every moment you've just shared with him, you gingerly roll to your side and pull the sheets up against your naked form. You pay little mind the mess spilling from your core, ignorant to the possible consequences it might have. You glance around his room, taking note of all the baseball cards, the toy cars, and the dirty sneakers. The room is bathed in the dull yellow streetlights, giving it a glow that seems otherworldly. It all does. Especially James.

He reappears with a washcloth and a glass of water. The sight makes your heart swell immeasurably, he's still naked but it doesn't strike you as anything to be bashful about. It's all of him, all of James and his unmatched beauty. It feels natural to be this exposed with each other, it feels right.

"Such a gentleman." You tease as he walks towards the bed so he can sit on the edge.

"For you? Of course." His smile is as dazzling as always while he hands you the glass of water. You prop yourself up on your elbows so you can take the glass and sip it slowly. Thankful for the relief the cold liquid brings your exhausted throat.

"Spread those gorgeous legs." He says as he takes the glass back from you so he can set it on the nightstand.

"Round two already?" You joke.

His laugh is full and rich, it spreads through your veins and makes adoration bubble in your chest.

"Not yet, doll." He presses the cloth between your folds to clean up his mess, the sensation makes you jump a little, but he's done as quickly as he's started. The cloth joins a pile of dirty clothes in the corner after he tosses over his shoulder, then he's climbing back into bed with you. He opens his arms once he's on his back beside you. Naturally, you settle into his side and lay your head on his chest. His fingers trace along your spine as he kisses the crown of your head.

"You're a beautiful little thing." He mumbles, voice heavy with a sleepy tone.

"You're perfect, just perfect." It almost sounds like he's talking in his sleep, so you glance up to check.

He's wide awake, glacial eyes piercing your own as he gazes down at you.

"Thank you, for all of this." You say. By all of it, you mean for the love, for the spark of life, for the precious bond you've found. Somehow without saying all of it, you know he knows exactly what you mean.

"Thank you for loving an idiot like me." He says softly.

"It couldn't be anybody else." You say, completely resolute in your admittance.

You lay there like that for God knows how long, just drinking each other in. Mumbling words of praise, astounded by each other's existence. You exchange sweet little jokes, press priceless kisses into every inch of skin you can reach, and make beautiful promises.

"James?" You say as you draw figure eights on his chest with your finger tip.

"What happens next?" You question.

He takes a deep breath in as he twirls your hair between his fingers.

"Well-" He's cut off by the sound of the front door opening. You both bolt upright off the bed, clinging to the sheets. The sounds of lovely, soft laughter fills the house. One is the laugh of a woman, full and warm, the other is bright and twinkly, obviously belonging to a younger girl.

"Shit." You whisper simultaneously as you glance at each other with pounding hearts.

"James?" The woman's voice calls.

"Yeah ma?" James hollers back, hand coming to hold yours as he tries to keep his mouth straight, obviously entertained by the misfortune of the situation.

"Whose truck is that out front?" She asks, then footsteps start to echo as she climbs the stairs.

"Oh my God." You whisper.

"I guess you're meeting my mom, that's what happens next." He says quietly. Your eyes are on his immediately, every reasonable part of you says to panic, but the look on James' face is absolutely priceless. His cheeks are pink as he pulls his lips over his teeth to keep from busting out in laughter. It's ok though, you do it for him. Soon you're both doubling over with laughter, embracing the inevitable awkward encounter that you're about to have with his poor mother. It'll be ok, it'll be wonderful, anything will as long as you two stick together.

Taglist:

@b-o-n-e-daddy @lillsrecs @all-art-is-quite-useless @brownlee-22 @peace-love-hobbitness @pinknerdpanda @supernaturalwintersoldier @can-i-sin-right-now @pennyroyalcreep @jessyballet @calwitch @aurora-sweet @learisa

#bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #sebastian stan #bucky x reader #captain america #marvel smut #sebastian stan smut #winter solider x you #marvel

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pendragaryen · 4 years

Text

The things that stay with us...

This was supposed to be my last BFSN-post while the show is still airing - the last BFSN-entry right before the series finale. But now it’s just... a FSN-post? Call it a Big-Hug-post. A Hug-Gratitude-post. Or whatever you prefer. Though in my heart Bellarke will ALWAYS be canon (and nothing can ever change that): They didn’t give it to us in the actual show (a show, whose narrative clearly told us otherwise all this time, but well.. whatever...). It’s too much honour to grace such a disappointing last season with a BFSN, dearies. (Or... even more so now? ;P ) So, call it what you like i guess! ;). Honestly, i didn’t want it to end.. just like that... without any last words to you, the kindest, most tolerant and beautiful minded fandom i’ve ever been (proudly!) a part of since 2016. (The selfie lies. It’s not current. I’m sorry, i can’t show you my face these days.. This is from the day just before it all went inevitably down with this season: BB’s death. So... enjoy: That smile’s for you, fam! ;) 2nd pic: The tattoo i got almost two years ago now, on Sept. 22nd 2018, and that never fails to remind me of my emotional support person and the fact, that after every “down” in life there will come an “up” again <3<3<3 )

What makes the whole experience of this last ever season of The 1OO for me so incredibly sad is.... Well, please bear with me if you will... My english STILL isn’t the very best... But i’m trying to put my feelings into words:

Last year, when we got the news that S7 would be the final season, i DREADED this moment. I was AFRAID of this last day (and the hours) before the actual finale. And why so? Bc I am a person, who’s an incredible loser when it comes to let go of the things i love so dearly. Like The 1OO. I... in times i was OBSESSED with it, with the story, with the chacracters and the way they’ve been written, so credible, so tangible in their actions, nothing was just bad or good and even the villains actions had been understandable to some extend. It was amazing! I felt with almost every character! I LOVED it. (And to be very clear here: I’ll never STOP loving The 100′s 6 seasons, that are still existing for me!)

But what i wanted to say is: I dreaded the moment when l would have to let it go. THat inevitable moment, when this show with all its storylines and characters, that have been a part of my life for the last years and that i love so dearly, really ends. Forever. It would end and i wouldn’t be ready to let go, bc it means the world to me. Bc it changed me in more than just one way - no, even better, bc it made me want to change myself! “To do better...” *ugly crying...* THis show SAVED me in a way and in a time, where i was in a very dark place in life, in a very dark mind space (constant illnesses, termination of my job due to these illnesses, an ugly lawsuit etc. pp) , this show and its actors, especially one Robert Alfred Morley (yes), who helped me to look at myself and my mental insecurities and illness from a whole new point of view. I wasn’t ashamed of myself anymore. I felt... relieved. Understood. I even felt kind of loved for what i am, even with my anxieties. (There may or may not come a point or even a person in everyones life, that helps to develop this new kind of view on themselves. And for me this person was and always will be Bob Morley. And whatever happens, i’ll always love him for his open- and kindness and be thankful for his inspiration. I still call myself lucky to have talked with him a couple of times. I treasure these moments. Always.)

So, i was AFRAID of this day, when this all would come to an end. I KNEW it would wreck me, i would be devestated, i would be so incredibly sad, that i won’t be able to put it into words.

And here i am now. I AM sad. I AM devestated. But for so very different reasons that i could never imagine in my wildest nightmares... This last season... Season 7--- no i won’t start again. Not AGAIN. But... just that: What they’ve been creating for us here... it really overshadowed my joy of watching this show throughout this last season, yes even BEFORE that horrible murder of my all time fave and comfort character. I take back whatever i said about S6 or even S5. THIS... S7 was the season, that didn’t feel like the show i fell in love with anymore. Though changes CAN be refreshing and exciting... these changes haven’t been that for me.

Look. The thing is: Even WITH Bob’s request for time off and everything... There would’ve been PLENTY options for the writers to actually make it all make kind of sense! THEY COULD’VE DONE IT BETTER! If they’d really wanted to, that is... And here’s the point: I think they didn’t WANT it. For whatever reasons, whatever happened bts, they decided to do it like they did. And no-one’s able to understand their choices or the characters anymore - those characters we used to know so well, these characters i felt with over the course of so many seasons - who i could understand! EVEN THE VILLAINS! And now... look at the thanks we got. I can’t understand shit anymore when it comes to S7. Bc nothing makes sense. When i see even the GREATEST meta-writers among us surrender in their posts - than it’s really sad times for this fandom...

It’s not even just about Bellarke anymore. Sure, i AM disappointed that they’re not canon now. But then they shouldn’t have arranged the whole story around these two! “The backbone of the whole story”!!! I am laughing. In that case S7 was SPINELESS! Let me tell you. Everyone’s just... flailing around... great little side storylines, but somehow... disconnected from each other and all over the place. That’s how it felt for me to watch this season. And i’m feeling so exhausted by now... I never stopped hoping... I always thought, at some point it would make sense. I’ve read all your great metas AND I WANTED TO BELIEVE! It made perfect sense! (I seriously felt like Fox Mulder from time to time this season... and the lack of sense in the storyline as well as the complete absence of my personal faves (yes i include Clarke (Eliza) here, bc heck, she was so sidelined this season too, self inflicted or not) - all these things had been the “UFO’s or aliens i was hoping to see” one day... Guess i was wrong.)

I’m babbling... Sorry. But it will be for the last time in that kind of form. Promise.

At the end of the day (at the end of all things.. sigh, Frodo... i see you... *blinks back tears*) I am so glad that you’re all here with me, in the same boat. That I’m not alone feeling this kind of lost and baited and betrayed. Bc whatever you like to call it: The narrative promised us otherwise. Did JRott OWE us canon Bellarke? NO. Of course not. But HIS STORY did. The story he’d been telling us for SIX GD YEARS! THAT is what makes me so mad. But most of the time (and despite the selfie above) i’m just sad. Sad and disappointed. I know it will pass one day. And that i’ll find joy in watching S1-4, even S5 except for a couple of scenes, and certain episodes of S6 again. But now is not the day. Even IF they’ll give these characters a “happy ending” in some transcended form or whatever, in the afterlife maybe,... S7 is ruined for me. It wasn’t even a bliss for me before, but it was certainly ruined after they killed “The Heart” - pointlessly (THIS is what will haunt me even years from now..).

Today is the day for saying goodbye. It aches my heart, that we’ll have to do it the way we have to now. But at least we are together. So let’s raise a glass in honour of all the hours of joy and excitement this show brought us over the years, maybe even the tears and laughter, let’s raise a glass for the outstanding performances of the cast and the great storylines some writers developed for us. I am thankful beyond words. Let’s raise a glass to this awesome, talented fandom! I’ve met and talked to dozens of you guys througout the years, and it had always been a pleasure! I hope we’ll stay in touch! <3<3<3 And last but not least: Let’s raise a glass for Kass Morgan. This is HER baby in more than just one way. Without her vision... there wouldn’t have been a show. Or even Bellarke. CANON Bellarke, that is! ;) And i LOVE it!

These are the things that stay with us, these are the things we will remember.

So, have fun with the finale tonight guys! Or should i say: Good luck? ;) I won’t watch now. I haven’t watched since 7x13, and i won’t start again tonight. Not even for the finale. BUT... i’ll probably do it some day in the future. I’m still kind of curious after all. And there are still some characters i want to know how it ends for them. It‘s just... i don’t want to support any ratings. I don’t want to support JRott anymore. But i’ll probably get back to it - if what y’all will write about it afterwards looks promising or not... ;)

See you on the other side!

(Tags under the cut)

Hugs and love to you, dear fam! Tagging @together-is-my-favourite-place @natassakar @geekyogicheese @immortalpramheda @carrieeve @bellamyblake @angelbellamy @burninghoneyatdusk @iwearplaids @wankadi @katersann @nvermindiseeyou @ruggedmurphy @clarkgriffon @poppykru @broashwhat @malclmbright @kizo2703 @cominguproses13x @clarkeindra @tenmonologues @shialablunt @sometimesrosy @zavens @wonderingwhyy @charmainediyoza @the-suns-also-rise @lee-em-dee @bellamynochillblake @junebugninja @songhyeri @underbellamy @talistheintrovert @jeanie205 @bellamys11thfreckle @doontpanic @clarkegriffinblake @goddess-clarke @eyessharpweaponshot @hostagetakerandhistraitor @infp-with-all-the-feelings @theatre-steph @historyofbellarke @as-inevitable-as-morning @bisexualbellamyblake @little-oxford-st @delicatebluebirdruins in no particular order (i am so sorry in advance, if i should’ve forgotten someone... >.<), and yes, i include you too @merlination my Danny, bc without you, i wouldn’t have started watching The 1OO in the first place... ;)

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