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#but the emotional pain is too real
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 12 days
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Siffrin plays Disco Elysium AU: Featuring backseat gamer Loop.
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deoidesign · 7 days
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Happy EDS awareness month!
I'm a webcomic artist with EDS. be aware.
EDS affects many parts of my life. I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and I need to use a cane! I often find myself ruminating on themes of chronic illness in my work, whether or not I am intending to include them.
I already can't paint anymore, it hurts my hands too much... Anything that requires small details or precise motions will hurt me for days. I have a lot of grief around it. But working digitally allows me to still create!
I animate, I illustrate, I get to tell my stories. I have to go slow, take huge breaks (often against my will) and recover slowly. But, working in this space allows me the grace to do this.
So, I just wanted to share a bit of my experience with my audience, and say thank you for reading my work and supporting me! It means the world to me, and I hope maybe someone in my audience feels a little more seen through me sharing this. It causes me pain, but I love myself; and that includes my disability.
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estravenlover · 5 months
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HATER NATION!!! what’s the most annoying fan interpretation of aziraphale and crowley
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brookheimer · 1 year
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truly do not understand how people are JUST NOW seeing roman as a geniune character with depth and not just "haha funney man mommy issues sexual problems lol!!! 🤪" like listen i started watching succession like. 3 weeks ago. and people that were watching this from the second it came out couldn't see the importance of his character until now?? fucking eleventh hour??? anyways hes the queen of my heart 4 ever and ever
no literally like i genuinely just... cannot conceive of someone watching multiple episodes of the show and still not taking him seriously or seeing how tragic he is. it's one thing to think he's an asshole -- he is -- and it's another entirely to think he's a one-note sex-freak funny-guy who isn't written just as carefully and tragically as kendall and shiv. and it's not like this is new news either -- in the second episode, when logan was in the hospital, everyone was trying to figure out who would run waystar and roman was like can you guys shut the fuck up and worry about our dad? and then roman made greg go back to the penthouse to get him something that smelled like logan?!?! this was, again, EPISODE TWO!!!! and somehow people are only saying just NOW that, like, 'turns out roman roy is the most caring/empathetic/family-oriented/etc of them all'! like oh wow turns out logan roy is a bad father. turns out kendall roy is an addict. turns out shiv roy is not the best feminist activist. we have known all of this for a very long time and none of it contradicts the other parts of the characters -- logan is a bad father and a good businessman who is honestly not wrong about his kids, kendall roy is an addict and he is trying so hard not to be and to escape the cycle of abuse, shiv roy is a bad feminist and entirely the product of a family and an environment that refused to value her for her entire life simply by nature of her gender. why could everyone acknowledge these things for the other characters but not roman? why couldn't roman be both an asshole and a deeply tragic character like everyone else?
like, just bc you can't reconcile the unlikable aspects of a character with the nuances of their backgrounds/psyches/etc doesn't mean those depths don't exist, it just means you fundamentally missed the point of his character for at least 3 entire seasons. crazy how articles are really out here saying shit like 'improbably, roman roy shows emotion' like that is actually so incredibly embarrassing ? like, you're a cultural critic at a well-known magazine, your job is literally just getting paid to watch and analyze television shows, and it took you until the final season of succession to realize that roman roy is an interesting character and not just perverted comic relief? why would you admit that to the world for real
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soldier-poet-king · 2 months
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Reading Dorothy Day not just bc I said I was going to in Lent but also because I need to beat myself upside the head with guilt and have her ghost live on my shoulder yelling about how there's real problems in the world so who give a fuck about your lonely soul
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irisbaggins · 1 year
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The novelisation of the Phantom Menace has made me so incredibly sad, where little Anakin sees an injured Tusken and decides to disobey Watto to sit by the Raider until he wakes up. Anakin has such a deep, loving heart that he was willing to suffer the consequences of disobedience to make sure a Tusken Raider would be safe, a being he was taught all his life were brutal and cruel. And in this chapter, Anakin admits that the only thing that truly scares him, is of losing his mother. That juxtaposition, that note of I will care for this creature to I fear losing my mother, put so much more weight onto AOTC, and of Anakin's rage. He broke, and he lost himself to his rage. When faced with what he did, he rages against the world and his actions, before breaking down into further sobs at the loss of his mother and the actions he made. His worst fear was realised, and he became the monster that everyone claimed the Tuskens to be.
It'll be interesting to read the AOTC novelisation, to see if this scene is ever called back to. I just find it interesting, and further showcases the depths of Anakin's feelings and compassion, as well as the pitfalls that such strong emotions come with. For if you feel compassion and love as deeply as Anakin does, so will you feel the destructive nature of all of your rage. And that, that is Anakin's biggest weakness; he feels too strongly to ever truly control it.
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angellurgy · 24 days
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#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK#CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING#NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT#ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you#too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much#CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after#TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE#FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT.#AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will#please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop#cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION#caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out#NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP.#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE#LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice#FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT.#SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME#WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR.#NO OTHER CHOICE.
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lunarharp · 3 months
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
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they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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mitamicah · 9 months
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Ah, now me being extra emotional yesterday makes sense
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themyscirah · 7 hours
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦‍♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷‍♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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aropride · 1 year
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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mutantfactor · 1 year
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Princess Silver Rong Qi
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eldrichfuck666 · 11 months
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I recently feel so strange about having a simblr, because I just.. I feel like I'm in a time loop, like time is non-existent thing for me and I just don't have any energy to catch up with the posts and how fast and how much is everything progressing and going. I just can't, and it's really difficult for me to force myself to catch up, I hate myself for it since I want and always wanted to be in this community, but it all feels so intense and strange for me, I just... I feel like I'm so far behind, like I need to stop being here because I'm too slow, too tired, too overwhelmed by everything maybe?.. I don't know what I'm really trying to say here, but like... I feel so out of touch or whatever.
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brookheimer · 1 year
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I sooo feel that it’s going to be the abuse revelations that will be the turning point in romans arc. So far he’s been painted as quite emotionally intelligent and business minded this season. I feel the press exposure of his abuse will lead him to the darker things we see coming this season such jumping into protests, being angry and a little unstable with matsson etc
yeah like lowkey that’s what i’ve been thinking too… like what if he becomes so desperate to prove his worth and be seen as his own person not the little boy beat by his father that he throws himself headfirst into atn/mencken/etc because if there’s anything that could drown out the abuse press it’s becoming a vocal fascist LOLL
like idk. i’m curious when it’s gonna come out too. maybe end of next ep? doesn’t seem like it’s present for a lot of the matsson interactions but again that could always be a bait and switch like the wedding ep trailer
i’m not entirely sure that that’s the route they’ll take (feels kind of like Sensational and Larger Than Life and more bojack horseman ish than succession kinda? while also being v similar to shiv’s open letter ab ken last season too) but it’s the clearest path we can see rn for the Roman Breakdown and it could happen for sure which is…. terrifying <3 will be watching through my fingers and weeping
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doverstar · 7 months
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suffered through a rewatch of Power of Three and Dinosaurs on a Spaceship last night and I wanted to scream the entire time. I am nobody and have never run a 60-year-old television show. but. Chris Chibnall does not know how to write. he is bad at it. he is bad at it. who gave him control of the entirety of Doctor Who? why? he had Amy narrate the first and last scenes of Power of Three like she's in some kind of early-2000's romcom because he doesn't know how to write dialogue or how to show-not-tell. the last line of Power of Three sounds like a preteen who has no idea how to end her oneshot fanfic and I know this because I have been one and I would never have let 12-year-old me write a single episode of an actual show on tv. the Silurians are a crutch. the Doctor got sucked into a Wii game? Kate Lethbridge-Stewart has zero personality outside of the Brigadier. Brian is an empty, emotional-exposition robot. who let this man run the entire show for years, I want names and addresses-
#I don't CARE if rtd or moffat genuinely think he did a good job#they've been wrong before#I don't CARE that I am nobody#I have been a bad writer before#I am still in many ways a bad writer#I can SPOT a bad writer. his episodes REEK#and I can't imagine his work as the showrunner was suddenly magically better#go back and watch those drippy interviews with him as a young member of the official DW fanclub back in the day#it's PAINFUL#he is SO pompous and SO critical and CLEARLY thinks only he really knows the good Doctor Who or how to write it and what it's LACKING#and then he goes and tries to force it in every chance he gets to write for the real thing#but it's like he has no idea how to write for an individual character or how to be subtle or how to transition from emotion to action?#the dialogue alone is torture#Amy and the Doctor could literally be ANYONE in their conversations he writes#the only good part of Po3 is the “before they flare and fade” and truthfully I'd be surprised if that piece wasn't Moffat's because it's-#-too much sentimental poetry not to be. doesn't sound like chibnall at all#and hi - dinosaurs on a spaceship can be FUN if you were a good writer but you are not. you make everything bland#you're kix cereal sir. you are the plain oatmeal of doctor who writers#you're worse than that. you're the bran muffin of doctor who writing#how can anyone have fun with Doctor Who if they're unable to relate to or care about the CHARACTERS?#GARBAGE.#chibnall#chris chibnall#anti chibnall#doctor who#dw#bbc#the doctor#eleventh doctor#eleven
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