#but thank u i’m sure your gay cousin is lovely

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey - sorry if this is weirdly personal (on my end, that is!) but I’m a nonbinary trans masc individual. I’m an adult, I work and pay rent and get exhausted with property management companies when they won’t fix my broken heating system. I came out to my mother when I was 12-13 - although since I wasn’t online and didn’t have many friends who were either I didn’t know about the term nonbinary - and told her I ‘didn’t feel like I was a girl.’

I’m wanting to come out. Getting mis gendered everyday sucks, not being seen sucks and so much is outside my realm of control that this one little thing, to tell people ‘Actually I’m not a woman at all, here’s my pronouns and name thanks’ is the dream. It’s something I can conceivably do! Except I feel old. I feel old and on top of that I feel like I would lose a lot of my connections both personally and professionally. My unofficial job is doing video game and animation voice acting. The only people to whom I’m out irl are my cousin and one of the animators I work with. They’re lovely but they’re only two people. Lately my problems with gender have increased exponentially and the only gender therapist in my COUNTY said ‘Yes young women tend to distance themselves from their womanhood when they’ve been mistreated by men’ (I’m paraphrasing but I also don’t wanna be triggering, if you understand). And she wouldn’t help me. I don’t know what to do or if I should do anything at all! Technically I know there’s no wrong age to come out, but it feels like the more years I stay in the closet the harder it’s gonna be when I do - and I really want to, it’s chewing me up. I’m scared, I suppose, especially since I don’t “look” nonbinary/trans masc (according to my image issues and quite a few younger people I’ve met in the community who say I’ve got it easy since nobody knows I’m trans). I don’t know, I’m already rambling on enough. Do you have any advice, anything at all? I’ll take it. If not, totally get it, it’s a long winded message.

Either way, have a lovely evening and enjoy yourself. Cheers!

damn dude... i get a lot of messages like this and they really speak to me, because i was once a closeted transmasc nonbinary person from a very small rural area (the town i was born in/the towns i lived in afterward were all around 1,000 people in terms of population) itching and trying so hard to come out but not knowing where to start or what to do

i wanted to say that i'm very sorry that it's so hard for you to come out, especially considering that your job involves your voice. that must be so difficult. i was trying to get into voice acting before i transitioned and people were trying so hard to get me to record lines before i started T and it was causing so much dysphoria. i understand how hard that must be

this might sound really weird, but hear me out. if you aren't sure if you can socially transition, if you're not comfortable coming out to a group of friends or family or whatever yet, come out to yourself. whenever you're alone, do gender affirming things. do things in your spare time that allow you to be who you are. come out to any online friends that you have and be yourself with them, too, and be aggressive about using the correct name, identity and pronouns. i know coming out online isn't the same, but it helps when you are very adamant with it.

become comfortable with being your real self first. then you can show the people in your life who you really are. it'll be easier if you're confident when you come out. coming out as nonbinary is never easy, but if you have a good footing in who you are, and are referring to yourself by the correct name, pronouns, and presenting how you like, it'll be easy to imprint that on to others with confidence

i'd say try to find ANY queer peers in your area that you can. ANY within your age range, try to see if you can find a gay/straight, pride, or lgbt alliance, or see if there is a transgender resource center, or other transgender center. colleges will usually have some type of queer pride group and queer resources. if you are of the appropriate age, you can try to see if there are trans and drag events at local gay bars and work your way up from there. you may even have to reach out to neighboring bigger cities or even other states. i ended up moving across the country before i could have access to hormones and whatnot, to a much bigger city with a larger population.

my heart goes out to you, i hope you're able to find a way to transition that's comfortable and safe for you, that allows you to do what you need to do to achieve your happiness. if you need to take a break from your current line of work, i support that, but i also support not wanting to. you do need to do what's right for you in the end, whatever that means. i hope you can be a happier version of you, and let the world know who you are safely, and at a pace that works for you and your situation. take care, stay safe, hope to hear from you again!

#asks #answers #dysphoria #transphobia #terf rhetoric #radfem rhetoric

[followthebluebell]

death in the family

i think asks and dms are going to be offline for a while, folks.  i need to think about some things.  thank u for your patience and understanding <3

So I got news of my grandmother’s passing and there are mixed feelings.  I loved her when I was a kid.  She was a good grandma; she had a tv that I was allowed to watch, there were always cookies, and she’d get me pretty much any book I’d want.  She actively encouraged me to think about things, to learn more, and to become a doctor.  She always made sure that I had any information I wanted about famous women, so I had good, strong female role models.

She was also deeply homophobic, racist, and xenophobic.  I don’t think she was transphobic, but only because she lumped trans folks in with the gays and I’m not sure if that fully counts.  She once screamed at my mother for dating a black man.  She was not a good person.  I haven’t spoken to her for years since my mother died.

Hadn’t spoken to her for years.

I honestly wasn’t even aware that she was still alive.  I’m not close with most of the people on that side of the family.  I was disowned when I was 17 and came out as trans.  She was also severely pissed when I dropped out of medical school and studied microbiology instead.  And when I said I couldn’t take care of my mom anymore and had to put her in a nursing home.  So.  Uh.  There’s my damage for you.

I’m more angry about HOW I found out.  The hospital called my older brother to see if he had any family contact info.  My brother called our dad, and our dad asked me.  I gave him what I’ve got.  Most of it is old.  It’s probably out of date.

I’m outraged that my uncle----half-uncle, who I personally despise, but was VERY close to his mother----didn’t have the goddamn balls to tell anyone else.  Instead, he left it up to the fucking hospital.  As warm and human as a thrown knife.  What the fuck.  Who DOES that.

now i gotta try and dig up my cousins‘ contact info.  i don’t want them to find out the same way.

#hi i'm going to go stare at a wall for a while

[marshieee]

We just changed

Timeskip Osamu x fem! Reader

Warning⚠️: angst

Part 6

A/N: this is where i get in lmao😂, thank you again to this angel @iis4d for proofreading this❤️ imma be watch jjk and make u fic don’t worry

Am i the pathetic one? Or you? I want my love to change...

It has been two months since that awful night, since that last heated argument and the last time you saw him face to face.

You’ve been doing fine unlike the past month, trying new stuffs and focusing on yourself. You got a part time job as a tutor so that atleast helped the two with the bills, futakuchi and aone was helping you with all their might which you definitely appreciated.

Futakuchi didn’t mentioned that he met your ex, it wasn’t that important so why would he? He’s still keeping his promise more like a declaration to osamu that he’ll make sure that you’re gonna be ok, you’ll be fine under his care and he plans to keep it that way.

“Oho~ what did you just say? You’re going to tokyo?”

You rolled your eyes at the irritating remark from your cousin, as much as possible Futakuchi wanted to volunteer on going to tokyo on your behalf again, but you insisted.

“Yes i am and don’t worry tokyo is big it’s not like I’m going to bump to my ex anytime soon”

That’s what you thought, you were at a shopping district trying to buy cheap things that caught your attention and to be honest it’s not like you’re gonna use them anyways but hey wasting money is fun.

But your attention was averted to a certain girl, you would have just ignored her but no, something caught your attention and it was the person who’s she with.

And without any second thoughts your feet unconsciously went up to them and now, now you are infront of them.

“Can we help you?”

“Um yes uh can i talk to you for a moment?”

They looked at each other before turning to you, before her partner was about to say something.

“Sure, baby can you wait here this will be quick i promise”

“Alright then”

She dragged you to the restroom which was miraculously empty, you don’t know what’s going on your mind yet you were to focused on wanting to talk to her.

“So? What do want to talk about?”

“What happened to you and osamu? Did you two broke up?”

It was a bit sudden but certainly you caught her off guard by those questions.

“Ahh~ so you’re the girlfriend”

She had an amused smile plastered on her face as she scanned you, pursing your lips you hesitated to answer nevertheless you still did.

“Yes but—“

“Hold on judging your from your expression it’s ex girlfriend now huh?”

You nodded slowly, she just scoffed and the way that she looks, she looks a bit offended.

“Right before anything else I’m Aj”

She offered her hand which you awkwardly accepted with a forced smile.

“Y/N, nice to meet you”

“So what was your question again?”

“Did you and Osamu break up?”

“We weren't even dating in the first place”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me”

Shocked as you try to process that one sentence she just said. They weren’t dating? How come? They were just fine the last time you saw them, they even look like they were.

“You two...weren’t dating?”

“No.”

“How come-“

“Ah so you saw us? Figured.”

Aj sighed, she was expecting that you’ll eventually catch them red handed, she was surprised that you hadn't lashed out on her already.

“Osamu and I were just fuck buddies, no strings attached.”

This was confusing to you, they were so intimate, you assumed that they were dating behind your back. Aj caught up with the expression on your face and immediately knew what’s going on.

“We met at the bar, he approached me and started flirting to which I flirted back of course...”

She clicked her tongue and looked away, it was clear that she was irritated talking about that.

“I’ve always wanted to meet you, you know.”

“What?”

She looks at you with guilty eyes, was she guilty about stealing Osamu from you? Does she want to apologize to you? You never blamed anyone for this, especially not her.

“I... I didn’t know Osamu had a girlfriend”

This left you dumbfounded, so she never knew about your existence? You should have expected something like this because it hurts hearing something like this from her.

“When we met at the bar I had asked him if he was seeing anyone, of course if he had said yes, I wouldn’t be flirting back, I would have immediately said no, I’m not that kind of a person who’s going to fuck someone that's already in a relationship heck even someone that's married! I’m not that fucking low.”

You could tell that she was serious, frustrated even. You just stayed silent waiting for her to continue.

“He told me that he was single.”

Aj mocked the word single as she rolled her eyes remembering that horrible memory.

“So I flirted back as i never knew that he had a girlfriend of...?”

“S...six years”

And with a scoff Aj sarcastically laughed, unbelievable that asshole cheated on a girl he’s been dating for six fucking years?! What a joke! What a fucking joke!

“This is the worst am I right?”

“Yeah”

“So..anything else? what do you want to know?”

“How long have you been...fuck buddies?”

Aj was hesitating if she should answer that question or not, either way both are painful options so she just choose to answer your question.

“Two months”

Two months, he’s been cheating on you for two months which means those I love you's and kisses were already shallow, those hugs and I miss you's was never genuine.

“Two months...I see”

“I’m sorry”

“No don’t be, it wasn’t your fault”

“But-“

Aj chose to shut up, this is not the right time to argue if she was at fault or not since you were trying to process the information she just gave to you.

“Just awhile ago you told me you wanted to see me..why?”

“Well that’s because I became aware of your existence”

“Someone told you about me, who?”

“I don’t know who but he was tall and got this slanted eyes.”

The first person that came into your mind who fitted Aj’s description.

“Rin”

“He came to me and told me about you.”

It was the same day Osamu left her apartment early in the morning.

“How can i help you?”

“Leave Osamu alone or just don’t involve yourself with him anymore”

“Um excuse me?”

Whoever this man is he got the nerve to say that to her early in the morning.

“Ok mister whoever the hell are you, what’s your relationship with him anyways? Why are you telling me to not get involved with him anymore?”

Before suna could react AJ suddenly gasped.

“ARE YOU PERHAPS G—“

“No I’m not gay! And no I don’t like Osamu in that way! I’m just.........a colleague”

“Huh then can you tell me why did you say that earlier?”

“Because Osamu has a girlfriend”

“What?”

And then suna told her everything, right after that she decided that the next time she and Osamu will meet, she’ll end whatever things they had.

Apparently when she and Osamu met again, Osamu was also thinking the same thing.

She looked at the man infront of her clearly didn’t have the energy to even look at her.

“So you have a girlfriend”

That’s when osamu’s eyes shots at aj, he did consider the possibility of aj knowing about you but he didn’t expect that she would have known this early

“How—“

“So you were lying?”

“Aj..”

“You were right?”

“Yeah”

Aj pushed her hair back and clicked her tounge, unbelievable fucking unbelievable! So she was fucking someone who’s already taken? Great! Fucking great.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“....”

“Oh now you’re not gonna answer?”

“Alcohol...”

“Oh yeah? You were pretty sober to me that time osamu”

He avoided his gaze,

“Ok sure let’s say you were DRUNK at that time....how come you still kept it a secret for two fucking months?”

“I..i—“

“Oh! So you were playing with me? Sure i fuck everybody but i will never fuck someone who’s in a relationship osamu and you FUCKING know that”

“Yeah i do”

“Then why?!”

“I...i don’t know”

Aj scoffed,

“You don’t know? You don’t know? Hahahaha BULLSHIT I don’t believe that you did not know, that's bullcrap osamu”

“I was just caught up in lust and—“

“Fuck you”

Osamu lowered his head to avoid her glare, right..fuck him and his life he deserves this.

“Let’s end this bullshit osamu”

He nodded in agreement.

“Yeah...you’re right”

Aj was about to leave but one last time she turned around to face osamu again.

“Just one more thing before I go”

Aj instantly slapped Osamu hard on the face, Osamu on the other hand didn’t do anything.

“Asshole.”

“I know.....I’m sorry.”

She couldn't believe that she was deceived by some jerk, she never really wanted that to happen if only she had known about Osamu’s relationship.

“Thanks to that jerk my trust issues are way worse now”

“Tell me about it”

Aj patted you on the shoulder and gave you a small smile.

“I’m sorry that happened and I’m glad i got to talk to you”

“Thank you for telling me Aj”

“Might be too late though but you did deserve to know the truth."

You just nodded and returned a small but genuine smile, you were both victims of the same man, she didn’t do anything wrong, she just knew nothing.

“Funny huh?”

“What is?”

Aj looked at you with a small smile.

“We’re both been lied to by the same guy”

“Victims of the same guy”

“Yeah...”

You two stood there a couple of minutes before AJ turned to the sink and started to wash her hands.

“Well i think I already told you what you wanted to know.”

She started to wipe her hands then looks at you.

“I’m glad you broke up with Osamu, you deserve someone better”

“Thank you, you too.”

“Oh darling hahahaha...I’m not planning on finding the right person yet.”

“O-Oh?”

She gave a wink then turned her heels and walked out leaving you all alone, you heard her shout.

“TERUSHIMA! BABY!”

You were relieved that she’s doing fine after all of that, you saw your reflection and frowned.

“Good for her, I guess.”

Well it’s just two months no wonder she’s alright already unlike you, you need to cope with the lost 6 years of relationship.

‘You’ll be alright' you mindlessly reminded yourself

“I’ll be fine”

Part 7

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #angst #oc #author aj #osamu #timeskip osamu #osamu fic #osamu scenario #osamu x reader

[nalgenewhore]

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter

☽ ☼ ☾

five years ago 

Elide drank her iced coffee and idly watched her friend, Lysandra, race around her bakery. “Elide! Where is my phone?!” the normally collected woman asked, her voice shrill with nerves. 

Calmly, Elide shoved off of the table she leaned against and walked over, the buckles on her knee-high platform boots clinking. She reached around Lysandra’s waist and plucked the green-eyed beauty’s phone from the back pocket of her mom jeans, “Here you go. Coffee?” 

Lysandra sighed and tucked a strand of hair that had escaped her loose braid behind her ear. “No, thanks. It’ll make me more nervous.” 

Elide smiled gently and put her hand on Lysandra’s upper arm, rubbing it up and down to soothe, “Lys, c’mon. You and Nesryn are ready for this. Evangeline adores you two.” 

“Yeah, but her room isn’t even finished! There isn’t even a bed,” the baker replied, her voice only rising in pitch. 

“And that’s what the boys are for,” Elide said. “Why don’t I go call them, see how it’s going?” 

“Yes,” Lysandra said. “Please.”

The tattoo artist nodded and smiled, stepping away to call. Her thumb hovered over Rowan and Lorcan’s contacts, deciding which of the two she would call. Fenrys hardly ever picked up his phone and she didn’t know Vaughan well enough to call. 

She chose and held the phone to her ear, her gut wrenching with anticipation. It rang a few times before it picked up and a voice answered, smooth like whiskey and just as deep, “Hello?”

“Hey, you,” Elide said, her voice somehow steady. She hadn’t seen or spoken with him in three weeks, since they’d both gone home over the holidays. 

“Princess,” Lorcan said, a small smile in his voice. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

She looked at Lysandra, “Ms. Ennar-Faliq would like to know when her daughter’s bed is getting here?” Behind her, the door opened. Elide turned to see Lorcan, Rowan, and Vaughan carry in a large box. Fenrys danced in after them, off in his own world with his earbuds in. Over the few months Elide had known the boy, the one thing she had learned was that when he had his earbuds in, there was no mortal that could call him back down to earth. 

Lorcan had the phone to his ear and smiled at her, “Momentarily.” 

Elide rolled her eyes and hung up, “Honey, the menfolk have returned!” 

He snorted and put his phone in his pocket, his question directed towards Lysandra, “Where do you want this?” 

“Follow me,” she instructed, waving them to the back of the bakery. There was a staircase that led to the apartment Lysandra, Nesryn, and now Evangeline lived in. 

The boys nodded and dutifully followed Lysandra. Elide watched them go, her eyes on Lorcan. Heat rose to her cheeks and she hoped they would get a moment to chat later. 

She had missed him. 

At that moment, her phone buzzed. Elide looked down to see a number she didn’t recognise had texted her. 

[phone]: Elide! It’s Yrene 

[phone]: I loved seeing you over the holidays

[phone]: I hope you don’t mind that I asked your mother for your new number 

elide: yrene ! no, no it’s fine

elide: it was great to see u too

She added Yrene’s name and number to a contact and they texted, benignly, for a few minutes. Then, Elide heard a shout and loud crash from upstairs. She looked up in alarm and fisted a hand in the gentle material of her black tiered skirt so her steps wouldn’t be hindered as she went up the narrow and steep stairs. “Guys? Is everything alright?” 

The black door at the top of the steps was closed, but not locked, so Elide twisted the doorknob to let herself in. 

“We’re good!” Fenrys hollered back from the second floor. 

“You’re bleeding, pup, I think that counts as ‘not good’,” Rowan’s deep voice chastised. 

Elide snorted softly and walked upstairs. She peered in, seeing Lorcan, Vaughan, and Rowan kneeled around Fenrys. Rowan held a tissue to Fenrys’ nose until the boy batted his hand away, “I’m fine, it doesn’t even hurt that badly!” 

“Fenrys, you broke your nose,” Rowan reminded him, his tone dry and ever-suffering. “We need to go to the hospital.” 

Fenrys rolled his eyes and turned to the women at the door, “It’s not that bad, is it?” He stood up and Rowan got to his feet as well, steadying his friend. Fenrys pulled the tissue away and Elide gasped. 

“Fenrys! It’s completely broken,” Elide said, walking over to him. The bridge of his short nose was snapped at an almost perfect ninety-degree angle, though the rounded tip remained in the same place. She reached up, gingerly touching it. Fenrys winced, tears drawn to his eyes. “You’re going to the hospital.” 

“But the bed–” 

“I will drive you there and you three,” Elide pointed at Lorcan, Vaughan, and Rowan, “will stay and finish the bed so Lys doesn’t lose her mind whole.” 

“Lose my what whole?” Lysandra asked idly as she walked into the room, carrying a basket of things. “Fenrys, oh no, are you alright?” 

“I broke my nose,” he said, his head tilted up. 

Lysandra’s eyes widened and she quickly put the basket down, stepping over to him, “What, how?” 

He started to speak, but his words were so muffled and jumbled, no one could understand him. Lorcan spoke for him, “Vee was holding one of the boards and it slipped and hit Fen’s face.” 

Fenrys nodded in confirmation. Elide sighed, “Ok, well, let’s go, Fen. We’ve got to get you to the hospital.” She led him down the stairs, carefully, and out the front door. “How’re you feeling, hon?” 

“My nose hurts,” he replied, his voice clogged and thick. “And I want to punch Vaughan.” 

She laughed and helped him into the passenger seat of her car, “I’m sure you do.” The boy leaned his head back against the headrest and groaned, his eyes screwed shut. Elide quickly crossed the front of the car and slid behind the wheel. “Buckle up, buttercup.” 

Fenrys complied, his eyes remaining closed as he groped for the seat belt buckle. Elide did hers as Fenrys clipped his and they were off. 

She drove smoothly and reached over to take his hand, “You want some music, Fen?” 

“Sure,” Fenrys said. “Your choice.”  

☽ ☼ ☾

They stepped back, scrutinising their handiwork. Lorcan reached up and shook the frame, while Vaughan tapped the tall posts it was lofted on. They looked at each other and shrugged, turning to Lysandra. “It’s done.” 

“Perfect, because Nes is on her way home right now,” Lysandra said, smiling in relief. “Can you two help me with something downstairs?” 

“Of course,” Vaughan replied, nodding his head serenely. 

“Good!” The baker turned and walked downstairs, leading them along. 

When they got to the café, Rowan had Aelin pressed against the side of the coffee machine, her hands locked around the back of his neck, her leg hitched over his hip. Lysandra paused and crossed her arms, arching a brow at them. Vaughan muttered something about sexual deviants and averted his eyes.

“You know Lys has to serve customers with that thing, right? I think they’d appreciate not having you guys infect it with your STI’s,” Lorcan commented, leaning his forearm on Lysandra’s shoulder and using her as an armrest. 

Rowan pulled away, his cheeks flushed. Aelin smirked and kissed her boyfriend once more before slinking away from him, “I’m glad to know you’re concerned for my sexual health, Lorcan.” 

He gagged.

The golden nightmare cackled and fixed her hair, waltzing up to her friend, “How can I help you, boss?” 

“If you two can’t control yourselves,” Lysandra started, shoving Lorcan off and towards the chairs stacked on the table, “you may leave. And get the chairs.”

“And miss meeting your daughter? Never,” Aelin sniffed. “We can control ourselves.” 

“We?” Rowan asked. 

Aelin rolled her brilliant eyes and conceded, “He can control himself.” She waved her hand, “Whatever, I’ll be good.” 

The brunette walked into the kitchen to fetch trays of Evangeline’s favourite baked goods and sweets, muttering, “You’d fuckin’ better.” 

The others made quick work of readying the chairs and setting the table. Vaughan and Lorcan were strategic and subtly put themselves between Aelin and their roommate, so there was no way for them to go to each other without passing under the disapproving glare of the cousins. Lorcan’s promised violence, but Vaughan’s was much worse - filled with fatherly disappointment and gay distaste. No one could withstand it. 

Lysandra swept back out, bumping the swinging door open with her hip, “Guys, it’s so boring in here, will one of you play some music?” 

Aelin practically lunged with her phone towards the amp and took the aux before either Lorcan or Vaughan even looked up. Lorcan made a confused face, “What was that?” 

She scrolled through her music library, “I’m not letting you corrupt that dear child with your punk rock shit.” 

“Corrupt?” 

“Mm-hm!” 

“Not that I don’t simply adore it when the two of you go at it,” Lysandra cut in before Lorcan could snap back something, “I need someone tall to help me.” 

“Vee’s tall, make him do it,” Lorcan countered, even though he crossed over to help her. 

“Shush, you. Come this way.” 

They walked into the backroom and after Lysandra’s direction, Lorcan started pulling heavy boxes from the top most shelf. They were heavy and he puffed, not prepared for how heavy they’d be, “Hellas below, Ennar, the fuck’s in these?” 

“Bags of flour and sugar,” she answered, dragging them to a wheeled dolly. “So, how was home?” 

He shrugged, “It was fine. Cold as shit, though.” 

Lysandra laughed, “Is that all?” 

“No, there was a powwow,” Lorcan said, tugging the last box down and putting it on the dolly. “I was designated as the official photographer.” 

“Of course you were,” she said, taking another trolley and loading crates of butter onto it. The blocks would sit overnight to soften before Lysandra and her assistant got up to bake. “This wasn’t a competition, was it?” 

“No, not this one. Just for the solstice, ya know?” 

“Ah,” Lysandra nodded, understanding. “Did you dance?” 

When he was a child, Lorcan used to be a powwow dancer, like the others. His grandmother and mother kept shelves in their house dedicated to the trophies and medals he used to win and the ones his sisters brought in now. “Nah, I didn’t. I’m out of practice and none of my regalia fits anymore. The girls did, ‘cause they got new jingle dresses at the feast.” 

Lysandra made a noise of exertion as she braced her feet against the polished concrete floor and leaned into the handle, pushing the trolley out. “And how was everything else? You went with Ess and Vee, right?” 

“Yeah, but Essar’s staying a week longer,” Lorcan said, using his foot as leverage to push the heavy dolly. “She and Dresenda went to Oro with Fen before flying up. What’d you and Nesryn do?” 

“Oh, not much. We had a lot to do for Evie and we fostered a set of triplets,” she said with a beaming grin. Lorcan hadn’t ever seen her smile this much, not even after she’d barfed on him the first time they’d met. Twice. 

Thankfully, they had become fast friends after that. 

“And Yulemas is always a busy time for Nes,” she added. The social worker worked harder than anyone Lorcan had ever known and was always bringing home the strays, as she affectionately dubbed the children she met in her work. “She managed to find a home for the kids, which is especially hard for siblings, but they’re so happy.” 

They conversed like that, effortless and understanding, as they put the ingredients away and Lorcan moved the industrial stand mixer for her. 

“How’re you and Elide doing?” 

His spine straightened and Lorcan cursed the heat rising to his cheeks. Lysandra’s voice was casual, but her question was anything but. “We’re fine.” 

“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed, pulling out her binder of recipes and flipping through them to choose an array of baked goods. “Did you two talk over break?” 

“A bit. We were both busy.” 

“Right,” Lysandra said. Lorcan looked at her and chuckled a bit, knowing she had completely zoned out. 

“Lys?” 

“Hmmm, what? I’m listening, promise.” 

“No you aren’t,” Lorcan said, reaching over to flick her forehead. 

Lysandra clicked her tongue and looked at him, “What, what? You talked a bit, you were both busy, I’m listening!” 

“You’re drooling over chocolate and strawberry mille feuilles.” 

“Well, of course I am, they’re delicious,” she sniffed. She sighed and flipped through the laminated pages, muttering something to herself. 

Lorcan knew that she was stressed and nervous - Lysandra would obsess over recipes in her binder whenever she felt herself lose control. The kitchen was the one place where she was in charge of everything. Calmly, he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him, “Ennar, you need to breathe, man. You already chose the specials for tomorrow and you’ve done everything you can. Breathe.” 

She nodded, her eyes searching his until she calmed and breathed slowly, “Yeah. Yeah, I can do this. I’m ready.” 

“Fucking rights you are,” he said, slinging his arm around her shoulders. Lorcan led them out of the kitchen. 

The door opened as they walked out, the bell above it chiming. A slender, brown hand reached up to silence it, “Hello, all.” 

A little girl, with hair like flames, sprinted across the shop, “Lys!” 

Lysandra grinned widely and stepped away from Lorcan, her arms open. The girl crashed into her, her reedy arms locked around Lysandra’s neck. The dark-haired woman held her daughter close, a hand cradling the back of her head, “Oh, hi, Evie.” 

Everyone else grinned at the sight and a slim woman sidled up to Lorcan, her eyes on her wife and their daughter, “Hello, Lorcan.” 

“Hey, Nesryn,” he said, nudging her with his elbow. “How’ve you been?” 

Nesryn turned to face him and Lorcan saw tears shining in her eyes, “Never better.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

Elide helped Fenrys get out of the car, as the splint they’d set his nose in obscured part of his vision. “Come on, you big baby.” 

“I am not a baby, my nose hurts!” 

She laughed and tucked her arm through his elbow, “You’re very macho, Fen.” 

He nodded, his short dreads bouncing, “Yes, I am.” He raised his chin and howled like a wolf. 

Elide laughed, her stomach aching, “Stop being goofy, let’s go, we’re already late.” 

“‘t’s Vee’s fault,” he pouted. 

She merely laughed again and pushed the door open, singing, “We’re back! Did you miss us?” 

“With everything I am,” Aelin responded. 

“Aha, I knew it,” Elide said. Her eyes scanned the room, snagging on Lorcan. She gave him a small grin that widened when he winked in response. Before she could become distracted, Elide moved on and saw a young girl. “Hello, there. You must be Evangeline.” 

She nodded, shyly, “Yes. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Evangeline. I’ve been looking forward to it,” she said, grinning warmly. “My name’s Elide and this is Fenrys.” 

Fenrys waved, “‘Sup? Don’t mind the face, I broke my nose.” 

Evangeline nodded seriously and tentatively trailed up to them. She looked at the buckles on Elide’s boots, which were hearts. “Your boots are cool.” 

In the background, Lorcan punched Aelin as if to say, My work here is done, in regards to ‘corrupting’ the child. Aelin grabbed his wrist and viciously twisted his arm behind his back, pushing until it hurt. 

Nesryn reached over, “Stop that.” Immediately, they stopped and mumbled sheepish apologies. She chuckled and shook her head, turning her eyes back to her daughter. 

Evangeline strayed towards Lorcan, Elide, Vaughan, and Fenrys, asking them questions about their clothes and tattoos. She gingerly touched the spikes on the shoulders of Lorcan’s jacket and asked Fenrys about all the rips in his jeans.

He told her about each and every skate fall with huge, theatric sweeping arm motions. He wore them like badges of honour. 

The others readied the table and dinner, sitting down too. Elide was opposite Lorcan and he watched her watch the pair. Her grin was easy, her eyes thinning. He wanted her so badly and dearly. To be called hers. 

Something alerted her and she looked down at her lap, a bluish light, like her phone, shone on her face. Elide’s pale cheeks bloomed with a deep blush and his heart fluttered, then cracked when he realised it wasn’t his message she was blushing over.

He cleared his throat and spoke to Vaughan about nothing in particular. They ate their dinners and laughed along everyone else. Lorcan’s mind kept drifting to her blush, wondering who it was. 

After dinner, he volunteered to clean up. Their riff-raff family understood his need to be alone sometimes. It was… overwhelming, being around them for too long. It didn’t mean he didn’t care about them.

Lorcan trudged to the kitchen and hung his jacket up before he washed, his ratty black Joey Ramone t-shirt hanging from his lean frame. He attached his phone to the speaker and played his favourite playlist. 

Come on, people, now 

Smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now 

He started to wash the dishes and pushed his hair back with soapy fingers. It was long, past his hips and low belt. In all his life, he had never cut it. He hoped he would never have to.

When I was an alien, cultures weren’t opinions

Gotta find a way, find a way, when I’m there 

Gotta find a way, a better way, I’d better wait

For his people, for the Ozuye, hair was sacred - an extension of his spirit. Cutting was a sign of respect and grief, when someone you cared for deeply passed. 

Never met a wise man, if so it’s a woman

Gotta find a way, when I’m there

The doors swung open and clunky boots walked closer to him. He tensed and looked over his shoulder at Elide. Lorcan smiled tightly, “Hey, princess.” 

She sighed and stood beside him. Elide punched his shoulder and hopped up on the counter. “Don’t call me that, stupid. I’m not a princess.” She sniffed primly and crossed her leg over the other, clasping her hands on her knee. 

“Riot princess,” Lorcan replied, rinsing the utensils. 

“...Ok. That I like.” She looked at him, “Is that my contact?” 

He snorted and laughed, his shoulders shaking. “Nah… not exactly, Lee.” 

She gasped and pushed his shoulder, “What? Tell me, I gots to know!” 

Lorcan rinsed his hands and dried them with the towel. “You really wanna know?” 

“Yes, yes, yes, you twit.”

He flicked her cheek, “Insulting me won’t help.” Elide sighed and crossed her arms, drumming her fingers in her upper arms. “It’s ‘Discount Alice Cullen’.” 

Elide’s jaw dropped open and she gasped loudly, “Come on, that’s not even good!” She gestured to her hair, which was really more of a curly shag cut. “I don’t even look like her anymore.” 

Laughing, Lorcan leaned away from her and she punched him again, “Fine, I’ll just change you to ‘Discount Heath Ledger’.” 

He shrugged, “So? I stand by him.”

Elide clicked her tongue, “Stupid.” 

He knocked his head into hers, “Princess.”

 Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you...

Gotta find a way, find a way, when I’m there

Gotta find a way, a better way, I’d better wait!

They sat in a comfortable silence. Elide picked at her nails, “How was your break?” 

“Pretty good. Got some cool photos.” 

“Yeah? Anything you wanna show me?” 

Lorcan nodded, “Yeah, actually. I dunno, it’s a ‘lil thing to say congrats for the tattoo job.” Elide had graduated her apprenticeship a month and a bit after they’d met. 

For her first tattoo, she’d tattooed Golden Girl above Aelin’s knees, one word on each leg. They’d thrown a party after to celebrate. 

Her eyes sparkled and she toyed with the stud in her Cupid’s bow. “I look forward to it.” They looked away again, stomachs hopping. 

Lorcan bumped his shoulder into hers, “Did ya miss me in your ivory tower?” 

“Yeah,” Elide said, resting her head on his shoulder, “Kinda. Did you? Miss me?” 

“Yeah,” he sniffed, knocking the toe of his Doc Martens into the rubber mat over scuffed linoleum. “Kinda.” 

☽ ☼ ☾

They all slinked out when Evangeline became sleepy. Elide had hugged Lysandra, kissing her cheek, “I’ll see you later, honey.” 

“Of course, El,” Lysandra said. 

Lorcan and Vaughan were standing by the streetlamp. The taller of the two cousins carried Fenrys in a piggy back, the teen drowsy from the light pain meds. 

As Elide strolled to Rowan’s car with Aelin, her phone buzzed. She knew who it was and had been blushing at her texts all evening. 

Something about talking to Yrene always made her feel like a young girl again, so smitten with her first girlfriend. 

yrene: You can totally say no if you don’t want to, but I’m going to be in Orynth soon to check the med school

yrene: Maybe we could get dinner some time? 

“Honey, you want a ride?” 

“Oh… no, it’s fine. I’m going to walk with the boys,” she said, slipping her phone back into her pocket. “Bye, you two. Behave yourselves, I have to get up early tomorrow.” 

They laughed and got into the car. 

Elide half-jogged to catch up. By the time she got to them, Vaughan was slinging Fenrys over his shoulder and walking away. Her friend- well, she didn’t know if friend was right, but anyway. Lorcan waited for her and they walked slowly, Elide’s bag swinging between them. 

“So, how was home for you?” 

“Not too bad,” Elide said, looking up at him. “Got to see some old… friends and the like.” 

He hummed and nodded his head, “Yeah. It’s nice to visit home.” 

She nodded and bit her lip, “Essar and Dresenda are Ozuye, too, right?”

“Yeah, but they’re also Bogdano, like Fen.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know that Fen was Bogdano.” 

They walked and chatted to the intersection. Elide would turn off and Lorcan would walk straight on. She nodded towards the rolled paper in his hand, “Is that for me?” 

“Sure is,” Lorcan handed it to her and she turned to see it in the streetlight. He peered over her shoulder as she unrolled it. 

 A soft gasp left her when she saw it. It was a picture of Elide, bent over a long leg with a tattoo gun. Aelin leaned forward too, holding her hair back as she kissed the back of her sister’s head. Elide was smiling. 

“It’s the tattoo you did for Ash, Golden Girl?” 

“Lorcan…” she breathed. He watched her cheeks, and though amazement and tears glassed her eyes, there was no flush. “This is amazing. I love it.” 

He grinned, even as his heart sunk. “You think?” 

Elide spun on the toes of her Demonias and her skirt twirled, “Yes. You’re so good, Salvaterre.” She rose to kiss his cheek and whispered, “I’ll frame it in my studio.”

“You flatter me, Lee.” 

She rolled her eyes and stepped backwards, pushing him away. “Good night, stupid.” 

They parted. Lorcan flipped the hood of his sweater up as he crossed the street and looked back at her. 

She had stopped by the street corner and looked down at her phone. His picture was held beneath her arm and it was slightly crunched. High on her cheeks, that same blush pinked. 

He clenched his jaw and looked away. 

Lorcan regretted looking back.

☽ ☼ ☾

an: we're getting into the plot and i am SO excited hehe <3

powwows are culturally significant events for lots of native nations, but especially plains natives (Blackfoot, Arapaho, Assiniboine, Cheyenne, Comanche, Crow, Gros Ventre, Kiowa, Lakota, Lipan, Apache, Cree, Ojibwe, Sarsi, Nakoda, and Tonkawa). there is lots of different types of dancing and for lorcan's sisters (my oc's) i chose jingle dress ! they're called jingle dresses because of the metal cones sewn onto the skirts that make noises when the dancers dance <3 here is a video about its roots and here is a video of someone performing a jingle dress dance

songs played in chapter (by order of appearance): 1. Territorial Pissings - Nirvana fic playlist

@mythicaitt @eyllweambassador @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @ladyverena @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou @cursebreaker29 @empress-ofbloodshed @b00kworm @hizqueen4life @silversprings98 @amren-courtofdreams @jadeaffliction @superspiritfestival @sanakapoor @ireallyshouldsleeprn @spyofthenightcourt @thegoddessofyou @more-espresso-less-depresso-xx @claralady @neonhellas @darlinminds @readingismyonlyhobby @autophobiaxx @myshadowsingeraz @firestarsandseneschals @elriel4life @always-in-a-daydream @jlinez @ladywitchling @mariamuses @darklesmylove @adelzd-bookblr​ @rowaelinismyotp @sassyhobbits @swankii-art-teacher​

#draammmaaaaa lol #star-crossed & moon drunk #sc&md #elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #stella luna salvaterre lochan #isa writes #nalgenewhore

[roccinan]

1/? simply because you have the most galaxy brain thoughts ever,,, what do you think would've happened if they waited until s5 to reveal sergio and andrés were (half)brothers?

i do know that when my fam started watching lcdp at first i was so put off. like i watched ep 1 and the prof creeped me out. ""berlin"" creeped me out. e v e r y o n e creeped me out. and i was cringing so hard becz of the short lived romance angle with alison parker. i literally did not watch s1 at all xcept for like sneak peeks. highlights being the scene where berlin discovers monica is alive and does his dramatic door by door thing? that was so SUSPENSEFUL even tho i had no idea what was going on. DOMINGO DE RESURECCION remains forever iconic.

2/? And OF COURSE the group bella ciao dance when they hit earth (hahah i thought the banda were actually like a "found family where they all love each other LOL") i am a SUCKER for found family. but anyhoo when i properly got intrigued was s2 when tokyo was kicked out (the music from that scene is still my favourite) it's just so dramatic..!! why am i telling u all this again? right, i haven't slept a wink and it's nearly 7 am pls forgive me if these rambles make no sense. i have a point with this.. i'm going somewhere

RIGHT. so when the fam actually rewound the ep cz i wanted to know WHY berlin did that (didn't fully realise how batsht crazy he can be), the russian roulette scene played. and pedro's acting. MAN. and like just that ep they made a point of showing us these flashbacks where sergio and andrés hug....

Hi anon! Thanks for stopping by- sorry took me a while to get back to you, will do my best to answer this string of messages (got all 4 parts)! Glad you like my thoughts XD

Firstly, I believe Andres/Sergio would be the biggest LCDP ship if the writers were evil enough to wait until s5 to reveal that they’re brothers asdfasdf. They’re already the two most popular male characters anyway. 

It’d be especially crazy because it’s not like they tell the actors these things beforehand either. So that means there’d probably be a Serdres vs Berlermo vs Serquel fight every 5 minutes. I mean, even if not everyone agrees on everything in the lcdp fandom, it’s the most “peaceful” one I’ve ever been in because no character really gets in the way of any other ship (like even with helermo and berlermo there’s no true conflict since Andres is dead). But with Serdres in the mix?? CATASTROPHE. Everyone out here writing essays about how much of a bastard/bitch/homewrecker/motherfucker that Andres or Sergio or Martin or Raquel is. Never a moment’s peace!! so basically, a regular fandom lmao.

Then when we find out they’re brothers, it goes from catastrophe to Apocalypse. Suddenly serquel and berlermo have the upper hand. Everyone would double down and harass the crew/cast into whatever’s going on.  Plot-wise, everything is the same though, just without Andres calling Sergio “hermanito.” Fandom however, would be a minefield! And I’m glad that’s not the case because I’d probably be an unfortunate serdres shippers XD No joke, my mother and I thought they were a couple in S1. So bullet dodged!

Secondly: haha, everyone creeped me out in S1 too, especially Berlin, I hated him, but thinking back, I think I mostly hated the fact that I didn’t hate him as much as I should have. I’ve made peace with it now but oh boy, was he a controversial figure in my head. I actually like the professor on sight though! IDK why, maybe because I thought his plans were cool or because of Alvaro’s delivery. I was afraid of an Alison Parker romance thing too- like, I do feel like she had a storyline that got dropped, but that part was quite cringey and overall unnecessary to the plot. Same with Ariadna, which was even cringier and even Less necessary to the plot. 

Domingo de resurrecion was iconic though yes! And even with all that said, I genuinely enjoyed parts 1 and 2 because it was so different from anything else I’d seen. Not content wise, but maybe tonally? IDK, they were just really bold with a lot of things, like being objectively unafraid of having the protagonists (plural because all of them did LMAO) do objectively shitty things. Really kept me in suspense from beginning to end! 

I’m usually a big fan of found families too! The funny thing is, then banda never struck me as a “family” until season 3. In 1 and 2, I was wondering what felt different about this show; then it hit me that these people remained colleagues to the end. Like, they backstabbed each other (repeatedly) and everyone was quite selfish, and only the bonds that were already there stuck. They were the opposite of a found family LOL But I think by S3, they went down the found family route and I didn’t mind because it makes quite a lot of sense for them to feel that bond after the Mint heist and almost dying/living together (and having witnessed 3 deaths together on the team). But I still doubt Berlin and Palermo were ever really part of this found family, with good reason XD

LOL the scene where Tokyo got kicked out is also among my favorites!! It was so funny and dramatic, and it was like, wow we can go anywhere with this now! Don’t worry- your rambles and thoughts are always welcome :D

I’m rolling over how you watched the Tokyo expulsion scene before the Russian Roulette scene haha. Also yes, PEDRO. Berlin may have been “controversial” to me at first, but I became Pedro’s fan from day one! Also the Hug is probably what made me like Berlin (despite my determination to hate him rip) in the first place. 

3/? ... and like now that i think about it... tokyo had real guts huh. like she KNEW berlin was close enough to el prof to know his name (fhshshs imagine if she'd heard andrés saying 'hermanito' it's unrealistic that she didn't TBH. i mean obviously they decided to make them brothers only towards the end but like in canon universe. how tf did andrés de 'i raised my bby brother since he was 12 and i'd actually die for him and his stupidly brilliant plans' fonollosa go 5 months without slipping up once and calling sergio hermanito. or like,,, i like to imagine sergio kinda gave him lots of leeway(?) sergio's a lil oblivious too but like i'm sure half of it is.. that's my dumbass older bro shut up i'm not being partial you all have city names .. andr-berlin, pass the salt. like OOF. + sergio also knew his big bro was dYiNG so like. i'm sure they were sneaking in some quality time (i hope they did 😭 gosh imagine if sergio really did not ever consider the possibility of andrés dying in the heist so he'd tell himself he needs to perfect the plan now & anyway he'll have enough time to spend w/ his brother post heist in philippines. and then ... that happened :/

Tokyo has guts in place of braincells you bet that she’d do something like this, consequences be damned XD I also think it’s unrealistic for Andres not to slip up, but I have a feeling nobody besides Tokyo really tried to spy on them in private. I headcanon that Andres instead slips up and does things like ruffle Sergio’s hair or adjust his tie when other people are around. I also think Tokyo was convinced that they were a gay couple when she saw them hug XD And if Sergio never went on to tell the banda that Berlin was his brother, everyone would be giving Palermo such awkward looks after Nairobi accused him of being in love with Berlin LMAO. 

I agree! I also imagine Sergio giving Andres leeway because he’s just so used to interacting with his brother that way haha. So either he’d go out of his way to ignore Berlin in front of everyone else or IDK, borderline telepathically communicate with him. Not even “pass the salt” has to leave his mouth- Berlin just puts salt into his food and cuts it up for him, in front of everyone who’s just staring like O.O

I actually do think Sergio never considered the possibility of Andres dying in the heist because he was just that confident in his own plan. Plus, Andres was probably the one person he expected to survive. And a lot of it has to do with Sergio’s attachment to him + Andres’ own habit of downplaying any illness/injury over the years, which I think is safe to believe canon. He was really in no condition to be in the heist, let alone lead it. Just the fact that he needs to take those injections is a big sign that he shouldn’t be there, but Sergio didn’t catch it because he’s human and blinded by faith :’) So yeah, I think Sergio was planning to spend proper time with Andres in Palawan and at Toledo, they just settled for those little moments by the fireplace. 

4/? what always also just GETS me in the feels is that el prof was shown to be this in control creepily calm dude who is miles ahead of everyone. + in the 1st Toledo class itself we see how detached,, like how impersonal he is, how professional - choosing frickin CITY NAMES?! no 'personal relationships' ? (after recruiting his older brother, a father son pair, and war cousins... oh sergio 😂 he's such a frickin nerd and i love him) but like the earlier seasons really emphasised how robotic and down right COLD he can be. it still sometimes bothers me that he put the button in the car. he lead the police to his own damn brother, his blood, who took care of him and adopted him and was terminally ill and like - UGH i try to rationalise that sergio is that cold and unbothered. or that he has strict morals. but it still bothers me becz that button really sort of tipped andres' already unstable sanity. like andrés tells denver someth like you've robbed my future and after that he just seems so much more suicidal and accepting that he can't get out of the mint alive - WHY SERGIO WHY. I KNOW THAT AT THAT POINT YOU BASICALLY DIDN'T KNOW ANDRÉS WAS GOING TO BE YOUR BROTHER YET BECZ IT WASN'T WRITTEN IN THE SCRIPT BUT WHYYYYY

That’s so funny to me too LMAO No personal relationships, then he recruits these guys. Sergio, hello?? Also can’t forget how he just recruited his own girfrleind in the second heist too. Buddy! Love this nerd.

I don’t think that cold aspect of Sergio went away in later seasons either; he just had more opportunity to show a more open side of himself + without Andres, he had to metaphorically leave his comfort zone without a safety net. But in earlier seasons, he really did seem heartless at times XD Then again, we can argue that the same goes for Andres.

To be fair, I didn’t feel sorry for Andres over the button thing lol, but once the brothers reveal happened and all of Alvaro/Pedro’s headcanons came out and we know everything Andres did for Sergio, it makes what Sergio did REALLY harsh. We really just have to explain it through Sergio’s strict morals and him believing this to be the best non-fatal punishment for Andres, who at that point had convinced him he killed a hostage. And because he knew the television interview was coming up, maybe Sergio assumed Andres would use it to “clear” his name anyway. And empathy isn’t one of Sergio’s strong suits either, so through that lens, I can rationalize it.

Also it was lowkey funny to me how Andres was there like DENVER MUST DIE until he found out Sergio put the button there, then he was like “oh hermanito, you and your practical jokes <3″

Still, like you said, Andres and Sergio weren’t brothers yet at this point. They were probably supposed to be lovers lmao and had a dysfunctional Hannibal Lecter x Will thing going on. But because they made #hermanos canon, that button moment just feels very out of place now, especially given how much the two genuinely love each other.

Guess we could also say that Sergio’s just generally kinda bratty with Andres XD Like, he knows no matter what, Andres would forgive him anything. That’s how I see it anyway! 

#anonymous #thanks for stopping by! #royalpaperhouse is this you my friend? :D

[elan-and-dragonboy]

A little story

The other day I went to my grandma’s house and everything was okay, she said that I look pretty with my new haircut.

Well some of my cousins where there and I’m the older cousin so they called me to play. We where playing, everything okay and then my brother came running with my sketchbook in his hands “hey! Grandma took it and saw some of your draws, I’m sure she didn’t go through five pages. I took it saying that u need it now”

I mean there are a lot of gay. Now I have three books that talk about sexuality and why being gay is not okay. She gave me books! Is like “you know this is not going to change anything” my mom was mad when I arrived at home crying with the books in my hands. She said that I don’t have to read them because being gay is not a crime and she love me the way I am

Thanks mom

#me #personal #gay

[sharkb0yinthewat3r]

What was coming out like for you?

For years I was closeted and i really didn’t want to do it. I go back and forth between whether or not I thought it was unnecessary or I told myself it was unnecessary so I wouldn’t have to do it. It was probably a little bit of both.

I knew for a while that at the very least my mom knew since she was the only one dropping hints. But if she did so did everybody else. After I was like truly accepting of myself, I really did buy into the narrative that i didn’t need to do it. On one hand I felt like everyone in my family already knew so there was no need to inform them, there was no need to bring it up out of nowhere unprompted, and it’s just ridiculous that that’s something anyone has to do. I’m more than my sexuality and straight people don’t have to come out.

Anyway this ended up being a really long post feel free to read all of it, but the main takeaway is that coming out was scary. Even when I knew nothing big was going to come of it, there’s just like this anxiety I had and I think it’s normal. Im lucky to live a life where I can be myself freely without having to be concerned about repercussions. I would say me coming out to my friends/just not hiding who I was from them was a great experience. My cousins were so great. My mom and my sister, I guess I wish that those had gone better which is crazy to me because they had known the longest and had so long to prepare and just didn’t have ideal reactions (far from awful but it was kinda just like uhhh ok?) and then my dads is probably my favorite bc that’s how it should be for everyone. It was ultimately very freeing for me but it was also like very uncomfortable for me.

My coming out happened in 4 phases:

1. College freshman year: i was struggling with my sexuality after I got my first crush and wasn’t sure whether or not people would accept me and eventually I told one friend that I lived with and he never treated me differently, I think I told three other friends that were girls, but overall it was extremely difficult to communicate for me. I would say that this was a time in which I was still closeted.

2. I now work on accepting myself and don’t really talk about it with people unless it comes up for the next three years. I’m now in my fourth year of college and join an org where I’m placed on a committee that’s essentially 60% gay males 40% straight males (and girls). My goal when joining was just to be open and let people get to know me. I was still middle ish of the road and sorta wanted to be perceived as straight. I think people just kind of started to assume I was gay and it was like “oh I don’t have to think about telling anyone anything or acting a certain way. I can just be myself” and I kinda just let loose and as we started hanging out and going to parties together I was able to open up and be myself judgement free and it was just so much fun and that’s when I like TRULY accepted myself and I was like life should be like this all the time. I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this. This was more of like a me coming out to myself than anything else and showing myself how enjoyable life can be when you don’t bottle yourself up.

3. Same year (after my first semester) Even though I was very open with my friends at school, this was my first time home for a ‘long break’ and I wasn’t as open with my family. Me and my two female cousins went out for a day together in the city and then ended up at a bar where they were talking about the kind of guys they were into and my one cousin mentions that she’s into older guys and I didn’t say anything and then our other cousin went to the bathroom and I was like btw I’m gay and I only wanted to preface that bc when u said u were into older guys I was like legit same I know exactly what you mean. My other cousin came back from the bathroom and then we laughed about it, but they were the sweetest and most supportive I could’ve wanted. I don’t think I’d ever felt as close with them as I did in that moment. They asked if anyone else knew and I was like well my friends but that’s it and they said they wouldn’t tell anyone and I thanked them.

A few nights later I met my sister out at a bar for her birthday in the city. I was hanging out with her friends (who I knew just not on a real personal level) because she was dancing and making out with some guy. This is actually kinda funny. It was winter and the bar was hot so I tied my jacket around my waist (as I often do bc that’s just typically part of my look, kinda like a staple of mine tbh) and her friend is like “ryán why are you wearing that around your waist, go put it in the coat check” and I was like no thanks like I really don’t mind having it on my waist, I like the way it looks and I honestly don’t wanna pay and she’s like “you have to check it, any girl who walks in here and sees a guy with a jacket around his waist will not want to get with him” and I looked at her and laughed and was like “lol ok well that’s fine because I’m into guys anyway” and she was taken aback like “OH” and I was like lol r u surprised and she was like well your sister just never told me that and I said well idk why she would, like for one I’m not sure why that would be a topic of discussion between the two of you and for two I haven’t told her anyway. She and my sisters other gay friend practically forced me to tell her the entire night and I was like um ok. And then my sister got mad at me for telling them before her and made it all about herself and I was drunk crying running to the bathroom lol and she followed it up with SO MANY questions and was like you gotta tell mom and dad we talk about it all the time. And I was like 1. No I don’t, if they wanna know they can ask me I don’t care 2. That’s kinda fucked up that you guys talk about me and my sexuality all the time behind my back?? 3. If you just said u all know why do I have to tell you. There isn’t really more to the story there, it was her telling me to and me saying no.

4. It is the 2019th summer. Id thought many times about telling my parents I wanted to go to pride and just like ended up saying nothing. Fact of the matter was that I wasn’t proud and honestly even if I wanted to go I didn’t know who I’d go with. My parents are VERY religious and when I was younger I had heard my mom express worry about a girls mother after the girl had come out as a lesbian l o l. Years go by and my mom got me a pamphlet for the lgbt center mixed in with a bunch of other papers when I moved in my freshman dorm, said a lot of encouraging things to me like telling me “you can date anyone you want” and asking me about my love life (this kind of stuff happened between stages 1 and 2). Nothing was explicitly said but I think we both silently acknowledged it. She even asked about one of my gay friends bc I think she thought we mightve been dating (between stage 3 and 4) which we were not and never have hooked up or anything. Honestly I knew they’d be supportive and I knew they weren’t going to kick me out, I just didn’t know how they’d honestly and truly take it. And by the time that I didn’t give a fuck about how anybody “took” the “news” I was aware that they knew and subscribed to all the beliefs that I listed above. If they wanted to know so desperately they could ask me. At this point I wasn’t even trying to hide it. A guy kinda fucked me over right before school was over and I was talking to her on the phone and she was asking how I was and why I sounded meh and I just told her guys suck without trying to get into it. Anyhow picture this, straight pride has just been confirmed for August 2019. Gays are distressed everywhere. Can we not have one thing??? I share a post to my insta story stating something along the lines of “straight pride isn’t necessary and you should be happy you don’t need it. LGBT people need pride because we still don’t have equal rights and people get killed every day for being a part of this community and people get kicked out of their homes for loving someone, etc.” and I guess my mom saw it and was like that was an interesting post on your instagram and I was like lol ok thanks. (She had thought I didn’t think I was safe in my own home and that’s why I wasn’t coming out) And she’s like is there something you want to tell me? And I say is there something you want me to tell you? And she says only if you want to. And I say “what mom do you want me to tell you I’m gay? Like it’s not a secret. I know you know and everybody else knows.” We went on a walk and she said some highly questionable microaggressions but meant with overall support. At this point though like I already accepted myself so I could just roll my eyes and be like lol whatever you don’t get it.

Then my dad comes back and she calls him to the kitchen and is like I think you should tell him now. And i was like gurl what? This is so out of nowhere and so ridiculous. You’re really going to do this after we just had an hourlong discussion on why I didn’t feel the need to come out. And my dad comes in and is like what’s up and I say hey just so you know I’m gay, ok? And he says ok.

#omg this is so fucking long im so sorry #ive been writing so many novels for asks lately #ask

[aro-aizawa]

ty so much for your response hehe!!

yeah when i was younger ppl would be like, oo who do u have a crush on? and i dont think ive ever had one? sure theres been people i find attractive but id rather have close friends?? (qpr please 🤲) idk what crushes are even like too,,,,,,,, r u just obsessed with them??? want to spend time with them????

when my friend confessed his feelings i just kinda. blank screened. i didnt want to really date someone or anyone? friends was better. so the rejection was. Rip.

idk. in an "ideal future" there would be at least one person i love and we live together. to be best friends -- isnt that what the ideal marriage thing is anyway? but i squirm away from even the concept of dating anyway. for you, what do would u like, ideally?

also.... this is kinda funny but for a while i also id'd as asexual panromantic! currently i like queer bc its so versatile and it sums up so much of my (question marked) feelings towards sexuality and gender lol. ooh and also im getting a diagnosis for adhd !!! (same hat! ) (will the drs ever get in contact after the first questionnaire... *stares off into the distance*)

o)-( idk !! i think ill be experimenting for a while heh

(and im glad u liked the question haha, i hoped it wouldnt be crossing any boundaries)

ALSO with allo fandom reminded bc ur url... i really like fics which are focused on family ties!! when fics are always so focused on a single pairing, it doesnt interest me that much. like just caring abt one person and forgetting ur family/ found family also exists (when good family) is kinda... hm. Hm. Hmmmmm.

thank u again for ur rlly good response!! 🥰🥰🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

right???? i mean when i was younger i did have “crushes” but honestly, when i look back at them the ones i had in primary school was either a) a popular boy that all the girls had crushes on or b) a guy who i could potentially befriend and he was so cool i wanted to know him. at the time i didn’t even have anyone pestering me about who i liked bc i had One (1) friend at the time who didn’t care what i thought lmao but i told myself i had those crushes bc i wanted to fit in w the rest of the kids.

and yikes that sounds hard. like, honestly i really do not know if someone confessed that they had a crush on me. i’d probably be flattered on some level? but i’d also be HELLA nervous, probably decide that i’ll at least try it but eventually they’d get disheartened because i never initiated anything. (oops that sounds like how my literal one relationship happened that i never count bc we didn’t have a crush on each other at first until my friend told him that i had a crush on him when i didn’t. and he asked me out bc of it.)

honestly that’s a mood??? i feel like that’d be completely ideal, because as much as i love being on my own and i’m pretty independant, financially that’s not stable at all. i’d love to have a QPP that i can just,,, relax with. decide that i’ve had enough of being on my own and need to lay on top of someone like a cat decides to curl up with another cat. wouldn’t want to share a bed tho bc i can never sleep when sharing lol

nice! and hnkk yeah queer is deffo a good label. personally, not for me. i like calling the community the queer community instead of the lgbt+ community because it’s more inclusive that way but personally i feel like if i ever label that myself people will assume that i’m alloromantic because we live in an amatonormative society, but it’s a v good term. lol what are the odds! i’m not currently on track to receive a diagnosis of adhd just yet, it’s smth i was considering officially getting pre-covid times and then doctors are like “medical emergencies only” and so i’m just kind of,,, waiting for covid restrictions to ease before officially getting that diagnosis on the way. but like. on the down low bc even though my cousin got diagnosed w it, i’d feel like i’m attention seeking by telling my family i have it without an official diagnosis. but yeah rip it’s gonna take me forever to get it.

HARD SAME. i am. just so WEAK for family focused fics, they’re just. god i love them so much. it’s just. why does the allure of romance compell people so much when you can read about this gruff adult taking one look at this hurt child and think “time to find those adoption papers”???? like FORGET the shipping. i’m gonna get sucked into the 940th found family fic i’ve read ever.

(tho i do actually like some ship fics, they have to be well written and not involve the characters i headcanon as aromantic though, otherwise i will close out of that fic so fast. an annoyance in the mha fandom when 85% of the fandom views aizawa as gay and married to his best friend,,,, they just love to shoehorn that side note in there when it has no revelence whatsoever,,,)

#anonymous #aromantic #thank YOU for the good response #this time you get me running to my computer to respond #bc my laptop was being slow and laggy whereas my brand new computer could start up in like 40 seconds lol #Anonymous

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 5)

(ch. 1) (ch. 2) (ch. 3) (ch. 4)

Whiskey takes the stairs two steps at a time.

His heart is racing as he turns the corner, immediately heading for his own room. He barely registers passing by a vaguely curious Hops as he practically runs the last few steps. As soon as he's made it inside, he closes the door firmly behind himself and then locks it.

Whiskey's pulse is frighteningly close to a level that's comparable to mid-game in the playoffs, when the call finally connects.

“... Connor?”

Whiskey tries to take a breath – not even a deep breath, for fucks sake, if he could just fucking breathe at all-

“Beth. Hey.”

For some reason, Bethany Whisk almost laughs.

“For someone who did not just come out to our entire extended family, you sure sound like shit, Connor.”

Whiskey let’s himself sink down onto his bed, his head in his hands.

“What, uh. When’d you… How bad is it?”

The text hadn’t exactly clarified much. just outed myself to my parents and yours, over sunday dinner. everything a lil yikes. thought u should know

“Pretty bad.” Beth’s voice is strangely calm. “Although actually, not quite the worst case scenario? But close, yeah. Real close.”

“Shit,” Whiskey mutters.

“Yeah. My dad’s gone off somewhere – he sort of just got up and left, pretty soon after I’d said it? So that’ll be lots of fun when he gets back. Mom’s a lot calmer, comparatively. Said she needs to think. Which I’ve classified as ambiguous, but not completely hopeless.”

“What about…” Whiskey begins, his tone hoarse, and then he doesn’t finish the sentence.

He can’t finish the sentence.

“Oh, your folks weren’t too bad.” Beth pauses for a moment, as if to think. “I got the feeling they weren’t really angry – it was more like pity, I guess? Which wasn’t super fun either, gotta admit that. Your mom said it’s so sad I’ll never have children, and so of course I had to deliver the news that many lesbian women have plenty of kids, and then she looked, like, super confused. I’m so fucking relieved she stopped asking questions, after that.”

Whiskey gets up, only to sit back down again. He’s trembling all over. It’s almost like he can feel the way his whole world has just shifted, like there’s an actual, physical change between right now and five minutes ago.

"Are you… D'you need anything? What can I do?"

"Oh, Connor." Beth's tone is uncharacteristically soft. "You know, I pretty much knew I’d never have to worry about your reaction. Because actually, I have a feeling you get it – like, really get it. Don’t you?”

Whiskey freezes.

"Considering your hockey team," Beth continues, completely oblivious. "Your captain is the first out something, isn’t he? Which is so cool, by the way, even though I don’t give many fucks about hockey.”

It takes Whiskey a moment to find his voice again.

"First out NCAA men’s hockey captain,” he rattles off, and it’s lucky that’s something he could quote in his sleep, or he’d get the words all mixed up. “Yeah, uh. That was Bitty. He graduated this spring. But our captain this year – Dex – is actually dating his defence partner, so.”

"Defence what now?"

"Another player on our team."

“Wow,” Beth says, and there’s something not unlike wonder in her tone. “I guess it’s all true, those things they say about Samwell.”

“Yeah,” Whiskey returns unsteadily. “You have no idea, Beth.”

Beth is quiet for a moment.

“So I’m flying back tomorrow,” she says, and for some reason her voice sounds a little different from before – more determined. “You know, Samwell is less than a four hour drive from Columbia.”

“Is that so.”

“It is. We could, y’know. Hang out sometime? Anyway, you should meet Melanie.”

“... Oh,” Whiskey says, and it’s like he has to pause and process all over again. “Melanie. Huh.”

“You’ll like Mel,” Beth says eagerly. “And I could meet your team, maybe? That’d be fun.”

“That would be fun,” Whiskey says after a beat – it surprises him, that he actually, genuinely means it. He’s missed Beth. “Yeah. We should do that.”

“See, this is why you’re my favourite cousin.” Beth sounds extremely pleased. “Josh and Amy haven’t even returned my texts, yet.”

“To be fair, they kind of always sucked.”

“You speak the truth, my friend. Nothing but the truth.”

“Seriously, though,” Whiskey says. “If you, like, need anything? Anything at all? Let me know. We’ll figure it out.”

“Thank you.” Beth’s tone is warm. “I think I’ll be fine. Like I said, I’m flying back tomorrow, and once I’m back at school there’s not much mom and dad can do, even if they try. I’m on a full scholarship, plus I’ve already got a paid internship lined up for next summer, so I’m basically financially independent at this point. And I’ve made some really amazing friends at Columbia. They’ll help me out.”

“They’ve got your back?”

“Definitely.”

“Okay. Good.”

“So,” Beth continues, her tone for some reason a bit sly. “Your mom told me you’re back together with that girl from Phoenix? That was right before I dropped the big lesbian bomb on everyone, so I didn’t get to ask her, like, anything.”

“... Yeah,” Whiskey confirms uneasily. “We got back together during spring break last semester, yeah.”

“That’s nice.”

“I guess.”

“You guess? Don’t you know?”

“I mean, I don’t see her a lot,” Whiskey tries.

Beth hums. “Long distance, huh. That’s tough.”

“No, that’s not…” Whiskey draws a shaky breath. It’s so much easier to lie to everyone else. “Beth. Can I tell you something?”

“You can tell me anything, C.”

“Right.” Whiskey tries to keep his voice steady. “Just, can you promise me to… To pretend like I didn’t actually tell you? To just never bring it up again. Ever.”

“I mean, sure.” Beth’s tone is kind, if a little surprised. “If that’s what you want, sure.”

Whiskey closes his eyes, and breathes in.

“I slept with a guy.”

For a moment, Beth is quiet.

“All right,” she says gently. “You know that’s not the end of the world, right?”

“No, I guess.” Whiskey’s voice is shaking. “I’m just… I don’t know.”

Beth hums. “You want to do it again?”

“We uh, we did.” Whiskey clears his throat. “A few times. Last semester.”

“Hold up,” Beth says, her tone startled. “You’ve been sleeping with a guy? Frequently?”

“Not since last semester,” Whiskey reminds her quickly. “But, uh, yeah. For a while there it was every now and then.”

Beth is quiet for a moment.

“Is this the part where I smoothly change the subject and we never speak of this again? Because I’m, like, dying to get all the details.”

Whiskey almost smiles.

Somehow, breathing feels a little easier than before.

“He’s on the lacrosse team,” he supplies, surprising himself.

“Athletic,” Beth concludes, her tone giddy. “Fit? Hot?”

“Really fit,” Whiskey admits. “And like, tall?”

“Fucking get it, Connor!” Beth laughs. “But you’re not seeing each other, anymore?”

“I’m back together with my girlfriend,” Whiskey reminds her tersely. “And me and that guy weren’t ever officially anything.”

“Right,” Beth agrees easily. “Still. Glad to hear you’re getting the full Samwell experience.”

“You could say that.” Whiskey sighs. “I just. I’m not sure… I don’t think I can ever do what you just did.”

“Okay,” Beth says gently. “Do you have to, though?”

“I mean, eventually,” Whiskey tells her uneasily. “Right? People come out, eventually.”

“Not everyone does. Some people don’t.”

Whiskey blinks.

“There’s really a lot more to being gay than coming out,” Beth continues. “I would know.”

“I’m not gay,” Whiskey says reflexively – and really, he isn’t. Not strictly.

“No labels, then? Cool, cool." There's warmth in Beth's voice as she continues. "You'll figure all of this out, Connor. I'm sure you will."

"You're not the first person to tell me that."

"Let's hope I won't be the last," Beth says brightly. "So. How many people know?"

"Noone," Whiskey says quickly – too quickly. "Well, you know now. Bitty found out accidentally, and I almost told Dex. Plus I guess that guy I was with has a hunch."

"Right," Beth says, and there's no judgement in her tone. "So when we come to see you, this conversation never happened. Obviously, I'm not telling Melanie."

"Yeah," Whiskey agrees. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Beth."

"No problem. And on that happy subject, when’s a good weekend for me and Mel to drive up for some Samwell shenanigans?”

“I can send you our game schedule," Whiskey suggests.

“Connor, you know I love you, but please tell me you don’t expect me to sit through an entire game of sports.”

“I mostly meant so you’ll know when we have away games,” Whiskey says, and to his own surprise he’s grinning slightly. “You know, so that I’m not in fucking New Jersey when you show up here.”

“Okay, fair point.” Beth pauses. “By the way. Are you any good?”

“What, at hockey?”

“No, at table tennis.” The eye-roll is near audible.

“I am,” Whiskey says. “Good, I mean. I’m the top scorer on our team.”

“Well, that’s only good if the team is.”

“You know, maybe you guys should actually drive up for a game weekend,” Whiskey tells her. “It’s really not a complete Samwell experience without a proper post-game kegster.”

“A what now?”

“A party, Beth. A huge party. At the hockey frat.”

“See, now you’re talking,” Beth says excitedly. “Hey. Mind if I bring some friends?”

(ch. 6)

#check please #omgcheckplease #omgcp #checkpleasespoilers #connor whisk #OC: Bethany Whisk #dance with somebody #at it with the angst again #a bit lighter than the last part #hopeful #mentions of parents not reacting well to their kid coming out #evie writes #fanfiction

[skanksammy]

Note Passing || Fabrevans

TAGGING: Quinn Fabray & Sam Evans WHEN: March 23rd WHERE: Florida GENERAL NOTES: Sam & Quinn pass notes during the safety seminar WARNINGS: None

Quinn: This seminar was incredibly boring, and Quinn has sat in law lectures, so she knows boring. This is beyond that. Bored out of her mind, and not wanting to disrupt the class, she tears out a little sheet of paper from her notebook before scribbling: ‘ Who are you rooming with? I might need to sleep in your bathtub.’

Sam: Sam was in his own little world, his eyes completely unfocused as he drowned out the seminar with the imaginary world that lived inside of his head. His eyes were just about to close for a small boredom nap when he felt movement beside him. Opening his eyes and looking at Quinn, Sam noticed the note and grinned. ‘ Ryder! Did they forget to get u a room? U can have my bed - from Sammy.’

Quinn: She should feel bad about clearly interrupting Sam, but she’s bored and he smiled like that at her, so she doesn’t. Plus, what are friends for if not to suffer with you. ‘ I wouldn't take your bed. I have a room of my own, its just with Brittany, and she kinda.. scares me.’ She debates crossing it out, hovering over the word for a moment, ‘It'll be fine, right? Tell me I wont die. -You don't need to sign your name.’

Sam: Sams eyes widened when he read the note, looking up at Quinn’s face as she wrote. He hoped that she knew that if she needed it, he would be more than happy to give her his bed. Sam would give her anything she needed. ‘ Idk she’s super scary and gives me wedgies but she’s allowed cause we’re related and stuff. I’m sure u will be ok. She’s not allowed to hurt ppl. Plus u are insane beautiful so !!! - sa-’ Sam stopped himself from signing his name, scribbling it out and adding a kiss instead

Quinn: Another glance up, and the guy was still droning on. Had he even noticed the group in the centre actively drinking in the seminar? Her attention was caught again by the little note being pushed into her peripheral. ‘ Sam! She shouldn’t be doing that to you. Being related to you isn’t an excuse. And now I’m worried about wedgies. Great. I don’t think being beautiful will save me, but thank you.’ She added a little heart to the end to punctuate her reply.

Sam: Note passing was one of the many things on his list of most favorite things. It was even higher up than text messaging. This boring seminar was made that much better by Quinn. ‘ I can’t tell her no.. she might eat me. Like a black widow spider. It might! It works in the scary movies! Just show her some skin.’ After adding two hearts, Sam chuckled a little when he passed the note back, thinking he was the most hilarious person in the room

Quinn: ‘I'm going to become a slut so that I don't get murdered by a skank. This trip is looking SO great for me. She doodled a little grumpy face, If I'm going to reduce myself to this, do you want me to ask her to stop with the wedgies?’ She couldn't believe she was actually considering this, and she started passing the note back, before reconsidering, and grabbing it back, adding ‘We need to drink- and soon, so I can pretend none of this exists.’ and then actually passing it to Sam.

Sam: Sam let his hand hang in the air, waiting for Quinn to add whatever it was that she was adding. The smile on his face had still yet to falter and he was sure he was having the best time out of everyone in that seminar. ‘ You are LITERALLY the smartest person in america. I know that I would also do anything for a lady who wants to show me her ta tas. But that sounds like a plan, Batman! I bet we could find some kinda awesome bar somewhere. Or maybe a gay bar where they have those go go dancers. That's SUPER Florida vibes.’ 

Quinn: Sam's goofy grin made a lot of things in Quinns life easier- women studies wasn't always sunshine and rainbows, and she found she had a grin of her own to match. ‘ You flatter me too much. Let's just hope that Brittany works the same way- since you are cousins. Are gay bars Florida culture?’ She drew an extra big question mark- because that didn't sound right, but Sam probably knew more than her about it. ‘Do you have any big plans for this trip?’

Sam: ‘Oh most def. Have you seen Florida man stuff? This state does EVERYTHING wild and crazy.’ Sam grinned to himself as he wrote before adding. ‘Maybe I could buy a pet alligator and sneak it back on the plane. THAT would be the best plan other than just having as many beach parties and I can before I can't feel my legs.’ He passed the note back, already feeling the excitement rushing through him at all the things they could all get up to this week. It was a REAL vacation. Something Sam had never experienced before.

Quinn: ‘I definitely have- I could go all law nerd and tell you why, but I do also just think Florida is crazy.’ She drew a little alligator in the margin- it was crude, but she thought it was a needed addition. ‘In your bag? I don't think it'll fit. Just stick to the parties.’ It was easier to slowly goad Sam out of ideas than outright tell him no. Plus a little part of her was curious about how he'd go about getting said alligator.

Sam: Sam smiled from ear to ear as he looked over the picture that Quinn had drawn, wasting no time before drawing a little arrow to it and adding I love him with a cute little smiley face. ‘ Oop you are so right babe! The only way I could think to do it was dress one up in a dress and wig and pretend its my grandma like they did with Scooby Doo BUT airport security has stepped it up since.’

Quinn: ‘Yeah. I'm not sure that'll work- and what if it eats the baby racoons under your trailer? You can't do that to them.’ She added a little sad face with some tears- she didn't want to be accomplice to this alligator stealing. ‘We can just go see them at the zoo.’ Oh- the speaker had stopped. People were starting to leave. She handed the note over, and started packing the rest of her things away. She was kinda really excited to get out in Miami and party.

Sam: Sam was about to reply to the note and agree that it was only responsible of him to be a racoon dad that he didn't bring over a scary scaly lizard back to his place. After all, he did only have one bed and his summer paddling pool wasn't in any way big enough for the both of them to splash and chill. "Can I... Keep this?" Sam finally spoke up when they all started to leave, holding out the crumpled piece of paper.

Quinn: "Yeah- but its just a bunch of random thoughts." Quinn didn't really understand why he wanted to keep it at all, but she didn't understand a lot of things Sam did. "Do you want to go grab a drink? Start this break off right?"

Sam: Sam could think of nothing better than starting off the best vacation in the world with one of THE best people in the world. "Absolutalivity," he nodded enthusiastically, draping his arm over Quinn's shoulders as they moved out of the room with the rest of the crowds. "This is gonna be a vacay to remember.. BET!"

#para #quinn: para #001

[renjunthings]

crazy rich asians.

masterlist. previous. next.

chapter one ;

     it was the day of the flight. the uber renjun had arranged slows down near the airport’s entrance as the couple readied the bags they were carrying. once the vehicle halts to a stop, the two got out, hauling their hand-carry backpacks and jackets they carry. although it was already spring, the dying winter is still out in the open. the driver hastily grabs their luggage as cars behind them clog up. 

     donghyuck is about to walk away with their things when a woman in uniform came towards them with a sweet, welcoming smile. 

     “mr. huang, i’m here to escort you both to your seats in the plane.” 

     donghyuck blinks. twice. he didn’t know economy tickets gets this kind of service, “excuse me, what.” 

     he winces at how his words came out so blatantly, a sudden shame runs up in him as his body heat up in reaction. 

     renjun ignored his partner’s reaction to evade any misunderstanding with the airline staff and said, “thank you.” 

     the woman nods in response, smile never leaving her face and spoke sweetly, “this way, please.” 

     renjun reaches his hand for donghyuck’s and intertwines them, his small hand tugging his lover’s big ones. 

     “hey, our luggage—“ 

     “don’t worry about that, let’s go.” 

     donghyuck’s mouth clamps shut. he came to a conclusion that this was the type of privilege only first class people can have when he saw how easily they went through security, not having to wait in lines, and especially, having a personal escort. donghyuck’s mind begins to wander off as he observes the inside of the plane while the flight attendant tours them around. everything around him screams in rich he knew he could never afford even with five years of saving. then it occurred to him. how could they be in a  such privilege if donghyuck and renjun split the expenses they had planned the nights prior? 

     the tour has come to an end to their own suite. there are two foldable chairs, big enough for a bed when extended, beside each other. there’s a wall forming enclosing the beds, making it a small room, with two doors parallel to each other. 

     the moment the woman is out of sight, donghyuck’s head snapped at renjun, “baby, we can’t afford this for a travel that’s like,” he made exaggerated hand movements, “an hour and a half.” 

     donghyuck wants to scream, laugh, and cry at the same time at how ridiculously this is wasting money. he had given renjun his split of the expense for the plane tickets so he was worried how much the other chipped in for this luxury.

     “my family has business with the airlines and the tickets are… a perk, you could say,” says renjun, putting down his bag and removing the jacket he was wearing then sat on the bed. 

     donghyuck feels as if he was hit like a gong in his head, “so your family is like… rich?” 

     not that he didn’t mind nor cared about the money; what mattered to donghyuck is that renjun didn’t bother to tell him. 

     renjun pauses, hesitance evident on his face, “we’re comfortable.” 

     “that’s what a super rich person would say,” donghyuck counters in a beat. he was bewildered at how his boyfriend kept it all in secret. the idea didn’t even reach his mind that his partner comes from a rich family when he dresses and acts nothing like them. 

     the older just laughs, finding donghyuck’s reaction cute, “i try not to think of it as my money, though.”

     renjun was surely a unique one. he knows he can get everything he wants in an instant but it never one crossed his mind. donghyuck began to wonder how he was brought up by his family. his family. there was a bucket of pressure drop on his shoulders. donghyuck knew he came from a poor family, only having a mother and his three younger siblings. following his dream to be a producer and singer was risky but his mother encouraged him, working extra hours at the local ramen shop in seoul just to pay for his eldest’s college tuition. it did pay off. now, he was local artist and part time dj with a growing reputation. 

     donghyuck sighs, looking down at his hands, “wow,” shoulders slouching, “i mean i don’t care about the money part but—how—what—you like to hang out in that smelly park and my dingy apartment rooftop for pete’s sake!” 

     “i really like those places, by the way,” renjun feigns an offended look then looks up the ceiling, “those are great places for painting and stargazing.” 

     it was true. those places were the frequent dating spots they have on daily basis. 

     “yeah,” donghyuck replies, “but i kind of feel upset because you didn’t bother to tell me, though.” 

     a small frown sits upon donghyuck’s perfect soft lips. renjun’s heart ached with guilt, seeing his boyfriend like that. with a slightly shaking hand, renjun reaches for donghyuck’s own and encloses it on his both hands, “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you. as cheesy as this is gonna sound but when I met you, I never felt so normal in my life. you didn’t know who i was or where i came from. all of the expectations from my family, friends, anyone who knew me, were gone. it was like freedom i never knew existed. and i will always be grateful of you for giving me that.” 

     donghyuck wanted to cry. he wanted to wallow at his boyfriend’s speech and cry his heart out. not knowing what to say, he smiled lovingly at renjun and noticed the tears threatening to fall out of the other’s eyes. 

     “awwe, is the baby crying?” 

     renjun wiped the tears before they fall, muttering a “shut up,” to which the taller one just laughed and grabbed renjun’s cheeks, giving it a squeeze. 

     despite the lovely moment, there was a lingering question in donghyuck’s mind. the older senses this as it showed on donghyuck’s face, a change of emotion. renjun doesn’t know why there’s a shiver of fear pass through him. “what’s wrong?” 

     with a troubled look, donghyuck debates whether to tell him or not, he goes with the former, “since it’ll be my first time meeting your family… i kinda wanna know what i’m getting into like which cousins i am meeting or something,” he rambles on. 

     a gush of relief bleeds through renjun. he didn’t know what he was expecting nor why he was afraid, “oh, of course. um—well,” renjun doesn’t know where to begin. heaving a sigh, he continues anyways, “you already know i have gay parents, that’s a start, they get backlash for their relationship status but that doesn’t stop them from having successful businesses. my cousins however, are a handful,” renjun thinks back to the memories shared with his cousins. 

     there was wong kunhang/huang guanheng, known as the prince to the public. he was dubbed the prince for his looks and personality, minus the weirdness he exudes when he is with the people he’s comfortable; he is the literal definition. he is heir to the line of bags and shoes production within the family along with him being one of the top models in asia.

     next was xiao dejun, commonly called xiaojun, is cunning but a softie deep down. he has sharp looks that has got women and men whipped. xiaojun is heir to the jewelry line and is in the period of being an apprentice still practicing his trade. 

     next, zhong chenle, the youngest cousin and also known as president chenle. he has a cute demeanor that makes everyone want to adopt him but don’t let it fool you, he is mischievous. chenle is heir to the zhong airlines, the most booming business renjun’s family has, thus the younger being called president chenle. 

     then there’s dong sicheng, renjun’s favorite and closest cousin. renjun already shared bits of information about the cousin to donghyuck and even showed him a picture to which his boyfriend only gush over how cute renjun’s cousin is. 

     “i’m finally meeting THE dong sicheng?” donghyuck beams at renjun excitedly. by now, the couple had laid on the bed after the plane take off, face to face. 

     renjun’s face turned sour, “okay, i’m regretting inviting you to meet my family,” he slides away from donghyuck and sits up. 

     “nooo,” donghyuck whines, “i’m just kidding! come back i need cuddles!” 

      the rest of the travel is spent cuddling after donghyuck attacking the other with pecks and aegyos until renjun had enough of it and gives in. the atmosphere around them are filled with happiness and love donghyuck almost doesn’t wanna tear away from renjun when the captain announced to buckle up. 

     at the heat of the moment beside the love of his life, donghyuck almost forgets what’s awaiting him.

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[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello, I'm the last anon you answered to. I'm sorry if I came out as defensive because it wasn't my intention. In fact I've always thought that John was bisexual until I started questioning everything. ( I'm a bisexual guy myself and I'm perfectly happy with the way I am ! ) It's just that I feel like Yoko would just say whatever she wants on John to suit her agenda. John's sexuality had always been an interesting topic and dropping something like that would gaib her publicity this is why I --

I question the authenticity of her claims. She could have lied about it just to attract attention… And I’d be disappointed because John was in fact my idol and he gave me the strength to come out as bi to my family. But there’s so many anecdotes about him being homophobic that it just makes me sad and this is why I hardly doubt that he was a bisexual man…As for the Cynthia quote I heard her say something like “ John was afraid of homosexuality just like everyone ) in a video on Youtube –

I am very conflicted because I’ve watched videos of John ( interviews etc ) and many comments said that he was very skilled at manipulating people and wasn’t as honest as he appeared to be, which is why I doubt. John had always been the rebellious type and I started thinking that he was using the bisexuality topic to shock and make people talk about it which is disappointing. Was he dropping hints that he was bi to piss off people and make publicity ? This is what I believe : (There is also -

Something he said to Alaister Taylor where he said that he was trying to spread the rumor that he was gay or bi just for fun and he told him that he would never shag a man because just the thought of it turned him off… Yet he also told him that he adored Brian so much that he would have done anything with him ( he contradict himself here. ) So yeah I didn’t want to be rude. I apologize. I think I need reassurance. Could you please analyse everything I said if u don’t mind please ? : (

-

Anon 2

At the very least all these years later isn’t it circumstantially suggested that John had very private gay encounters, and was uncomfortable making them public, yet wanted to hint at them so he could deal with this matter int he future? He was protecting his privacy and his ego, and perhaps wasn’t yet ready to reveal either his encounters or mixed feelings of bisexuality. His encounters have been protected by those with whom he was involved, people thameant a lot to him, no?

-

Anon 3

hey! by any chance, do you have knowledge of the quotes where john said “sex with girls felt like a performance after the first time” and “i was never sexually attracted to women before yoko”? i am SURE i’ve seen the first one somewhere on tumblr, though the second one is more of a quote of a quote so i’m not sure if it’s real or not dfkdjk thanks, anyway!

-

Anon 4

Hello! Is it true that John used to be very attracted to the drag scene in St Pauli ( I guess that was the town I read about ) and that basically the drag / gay scene made him feel comfortable and at home? Says a lot about him!

-

@tbhmarjj

I adore you, thank u for this blog and ur beautiful mind. i doubt johns bisexuality at times tbh considering he went to great lengths for publicity and he wanted to be an LGBT ally, be cool and outspoken and as he himself said it was trendy to be bi. but then again he was obsessed with Paul in so many ways and he was the embodiment of John’s ideal man. beautiful, talented, intellectual. I’ll be patiently awaiting ur posts exploring Paul’s views on johns sexuality.Thank u

-

Hello again, anon! 

I want to begin by thanking you for getting back to me after I answered your ask and for clarifying where you were coming from when you wrote it. It really is quite hard to fully get the tone of a written message, especially one that is so short that you have no context to draw from to get the emotional meaning behind it. It really appeared to me when I read it that the concern was not who was saying it (Yoko) but about what was being said (John was bisexual). I can now see that was not the case and I appreciate that you’ve made that clear. 

I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the opportunity to include in this answer all of the other asks I’ve been receiving regarding John’s sexuality. It’s clearly a topic of great interest in this community. So I’ll be attempting to address all the points raised here. Again, this is nothing definitive; only my personal readings of the situation as I find it at the moment.

Before I do answer, though, I’d just like everyone to take a deep breath and a step back. Let’s try to examine this topic a bit more objectively. 

I understand that sex is kind of major in our society. Our notion of identity is tightly bound to our classified sexuality and gender. Sexual relationships (or amorous relationships) are seen as the epitome of human connection and the ideal everyone should be striving for. And people fundamentally want to be loved and not alone, so it makes sense that figuring out who is a potential companion (and if that companion is interested back) is such a big deal.

But despite these layers of meaning and societal pressures, we should keep in mind what sex represents, essentially, from an evolutionary point of view. 

For social animals who derive pleasure from sexual stimulation, sexual intercourse is – like all the other kinds of affection – a way to build connections. 

If you want to find examples in nature, just look at our ape cousins, the bonobos. The also called pygmy chimpanzee lives in a matriarchal society where sexual behaviour plays an essential role in strengthening social bonds, lowering tension and keeping the peace. Bonobos don’t discriminate between gender or age (except between mothers copulating with their own adult sons, so as to prevent cross-breeding). It’s the true “free love” society; evolution took “make love, not war” and ran with it. 

Our own culture seems more similar to that of bonobos’ northern neighbours, the common chimp. Their patriarchy is more conservative regarding sexual intercourse, which is mainly used for reproduction purposes, and their power structure is based around intricate political games, where males form alliances and try to get public support in order to overthrow the ruling party.

I find it endlessly curious to look at these two species, whose physical separation by the Congo river made them diverge so starkly in their social organization, and compare them to the struggle between these same two natures that we find in our own society. 

All this to say that, from a simply biological point of view, I have to agree with John and Yoko when they say that everyone must be bisexual. If sexual intercourse as a social behaviour is, inherently, all about establishing bonds and connections, the extent to which those connections are “allowed” to be built depends entirely on the hierarchal structure that same society is trying to preserve. In other words, what is classified as morally right or wrong is more reflective of the rules in place to keep that society working as it is, than it is of what is naturally present as a drive. 

If your brain is primed to seek pleasure and sexual intercourse brings you pleasure independently of the partner’s gender, then the partner’s gender should be inconsequential.

But unlike bonobos, humans are kind of touchy about touching. So there are other levels of information influencing behaviour. The processes of socialization – of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society – and enculturation – by which people learn the dynamics of their surrounding culture and acquire values and norms appropriate or necessary in that culture and worldviews – are as determinant as the genetic factors influencing behaviour. In fact, this added education can be so effective in curbing your “primal instincts”, that one might forget they have them in the first place. 

Thus, the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are a constantly shifting construct based on the various interactions between your genetic makeup and social influences. 

I just think that, in order to have this discussion, it’s important to separate the various levels of it and be clear about which we are referring to.

There is the basic evolutionary drive to seek pleasure and form connections.

There is the social education about that same drive and how it is allowed to manifest itself.

And integrating all these different signals and information – various potentials which manifested as attraction – there finally is a behaviour, a choice.

And finally, there’s the external point of view of other members of society looking in and trying to discern other people’s drives and how they relate to their choices (that’s us now). The problem is, we often throw our own drives and choices into the mix, especially with regards to something as personally defining as sexual orientation. 

So we have to make very clear in our minds what is the end goal here. Why are we interested in discussing this topic? Are we looking to discern as much of the truth as we can get it, objectively trying to understand these human beings? Or are we trying to confirm our own projections on them? And please, don’t take me wrong. All these are valid reasons to be interested in a subject. Often how it resonates with us, so personally, is vitally important to reaching a greater understanding about ourselves and learning how to communicate that to others. 

But in the same way a piece of music can make you have a transformative emotional experience that the artist didn’t necessarily go through, it’s important to remember that our own inner-life might be affecting how we examine others. Better be mindful of what we project, lest we think are finally seeing inside another person when in fact we are only looking at our own reflection. (And honestly, I believe getting to truly know ourselves in this processes can be a hundred times more valuable than knowing the other. By learning to recognize ourselves we can better understand other people and vice-versa.) 

So if it is important to you that John is bisexual, my honest opinion is that all the information can be read in a way that confirms it. We’ll hardly ever know for sure, and based on what we do know, that can certainly be the takeaway. 

But if we want to objectively examine John’s sexuality, we shouldn’t bring in a confirmation bias. Meaning that we should be emotionally detached from the outcome, as long as it is as close to the truth as we can get. But this is only where I’m coming from, and I’m a bit of a scientist. It’s totally fair if you’re not in it for the same reasons. Though again, working under the assumption that you want to know my stance on it, let’s proceed.

I understand your reservations regarding Yoko as an unreliable narrator. To analyse Yoko’s motivations would be an interesting topic, but one which I will not go in at the moment as I don’t feel sufficiently informed about Yoko as a person to give an extensive examination.  

But in my opinion, there is a whole lot of other information available from which to draw from other than Yoko’s statements. 

I also get your and @tbhmarjj‘s concerns about John’s declarations during the 70s. But it’s the same question I posed in the previous post: Was the “bisexual chic” fad of the 1970s merely a publicity stunt for those involved? Even if it was, did it make the experimentations undertaken any less true? Were they just faking it for the press or were they finally allowed to try and be open about it? 

Because I come from the biological background that places sex as a positive social interaction like any other, meaning that its purpose is to create bonds and the pleasure is our “reward” for doing it, I tend to believe that the behaviours were genuine. The drive there is real. As real as the internal constraints that would act on them as a result of societies shifting expectations and permissions. And this socialization is as determinant in the creation of sexual attraction as anything. So based on our definition of sexual orientation, all those bi rockstars of the 70s could have effectively stopped identifying as bi once the new social norm overrun their own internal drives and the previous less conservative status quo. That didn’t make them less bi when they were. 

It’s funny, but in terms of gender and sexuality, nothing is real so everything is. 

So yeah, I think that John could have been bisexual the second he felt he was. But because the social tide was likely to shift, it was better to also maintain a measure of deniability: it was just for show, it’s not serious, I was just taking the mickey out of you and you fell for it! Of course John was smart enough to leave space there to retract. He and Paul had mastered the art as communicators through song. They could claim them to mean everything and nothing as it suited them. As Anon 2 says, it’s a protective measure. 

So I think that at some point in time, John genuinely identified as bisexual. Now whether he acted on it or not is another questioned entirely. As Anon 2 points out, there are various circumstantial accounts, but these are always tougher to verify. 

I tend to believe Yoko when she says:

So did Lennon ever have sex with men?

“No, I don’t think so,” says Ono. “The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”

I ask what she makes of the people outside the building, the crowds still at Strawberry Fields.

Ono misunderstands, or mishears (or is simply focused on the last strand of our conversation), and continues to talk about sex.

“I don’t make anything out of it. When you’re not really interested in that sort of sex, you don’t think about it. Both John and I surprisingly were very passive people. Unless somebody made a thing out of it, if they made a move, I wouldn’t even think about it.”

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

At least I believe he at least never “fully” did it, in the sense of full-blown anal sex. I think there might have been “milder” homosexual interactions, such as handjobs, that could be rationalized as not entirely gay (the thing with Brian in Spain being one of them.)

Regarding the drag scene in Hamburg Anon 4 was asking about, I agree that it also provides information about John. Though I think it’s mainly about his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation (though the two are invariably linked in the construct as well).

Here are some quotes about it:

With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were ‘all harmless and very young’ and it was actually possible to speak to one ‘without shuddering’. Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. ‘There was one particular club he used to like,’ Tony Sheridan remembers, ‘full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.’

— In John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman (2008).

And according to Horst Fascher (bouncer at the Indra Club and the Kaiserkeller):

It wasn’t just girls that were on offer to young english rockers. Monica’s Bar was Hamburg’s notorious transvestite club. For one or two English musicians, Monica’s was just another part of the Hamburg experience.

HORST FASCHER: One night Monica said, “Come, come and look. One of your boys is in the séparé.” “And who is it?” And she said, “One of the Beatles.” “Let me look”. She said, “Be careful. Look only sneaky-like.” But I did. I grabbed the curtain, pulled it aside and there was sitting John in… in a position with that girl, and you know. He felt really ashamed and I said, “John, don’t worry man. I did that all before.”

— In The Beatles Biggest Secrets. [Transcription is my own and I’m not too certain of it.]

Though there certainly might have been an aspect of sexual interest to it, I think John’s fascination with the drag scene was also the kinship with the queerness he felt inside himself; mainly in regards to him wanting to express his more sensitive side, which is coded as feminine in our society. So I think seeing men indulging in femininity and nonnormative behaviour resonated with him.

Also, I think it’s even more important to understand John’s relationship with sex in general, regardless of the partner. 

To that end, the quote mentioned by Anon 3 is of special relevance:

When I was a kid, I wanted to shag every attractive woman I saw. I used to dream that it would be great if you could just click your fingers and they would strip off and be ready for me. I would spend most of my teenager years fantasising about having this kind of power over women. The weird thing is, when the fantasies came true they were not nearly so much fun. One of my most frequent dreams was seducing two girls together, or even a mother and a daughter. That happened in Hamburg a couple of times and the first time it was sensational. The second time it got to feel like I was giving a performance. You know how when you make love to a woman that the moment you come, you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything. The more women I had, the more the buzz would turn into a horrible feeling of rejection and revulsion at what I’d been doing. As soon as I’d been with a woman, I wanted to get the hell out.

— John Lennon to Alistair Taylor (Brian Epstein’s assistant), 1965. In his autobiography With the Beatles: A Stunning Insight by The Man who was with the Band Every Step of the Way (2003).

And another important passage is in reference to Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy:

Well, his thing is to feel the pain that’s accumulated inside you ever since your childhood. […] The worst pain is that of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. When I was a child I experienced moments of not wanting to see the ugliness, not wanting to see not being wanted. This lack of love went into my eyes and into my mind. […] Most people channel their pain into God or masturbation or some dream of making it. […] But for me at any rate it was all part of dissolving the Godtrip or father-figure trip. Facing up to reality instead of always looking for some kind of heaven.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Robin Blackburn and Tariq Ali for Red Mole (8-22 March 1971). [I really can’t stop pointing to this quote as one of the most important in order to understand John Lennon.]

As he reiterates in ‘I Found Out’ (1970): Some of you sitting there with yer cock in yer hand / Don’t get you nowhere don’t make you a man

To me, John’s pursuit of sex is, like most things in his life, essentially about filling this black-hole of emotional pain. He internalized the lack of love from his parents, which went into his eyes and mind, until he himself believed he was unlovable. This lack of self-esteem translates into a lot of pain and the need for an external solution for that pain. 

The external solution is not wanting to feel so vulnerable any more. This can be achieved either by trying to seize control, by exerting it over others or having them look up to you (e.g. “fantasising about having this kind of power over women”; “some dream of making it”). Or it can be achieved by handing control over and being taken care of (e.g. “people channel their pain into God”, “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul”.)

Sex as an activity can play into these various dynamics: it can be used to feel power over others, as John started out; it can be used as an escapist distraction, like a drug (e.g. “you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything”); and it can be used as giving yourself over and being loved, looking to receive that which you can’t get from yourself. 

As time passed and the first two solutions stopped working, I think John focused on the third: sex in the context of an emotionally close relationship as the ultimate intimacy and proof that he was loved. And because he wanted to absolve himself of responsibility, to be taken care of, his partner needed to be someone on the other end, someone who had control. In our culture, this reads as a masculine figure (e.g. “father-figure trip”). 

This may be from a female, whose masculine qualities were what attracted John in the first place:

In this intense, intimate and revealing original cassette recording of a private conversation in 1969 between John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the couple speaks primarily about Yoko’s past relationships, her music and art, and their random views on sex, love, promiscuity, and homosexuality. […] [Lennon] adds that he had never met an attractive woman that had sexually aroused him to any great degree.

— Description of the 45-minute audiotape auctioned in 2009 by Alexander Autographs.

I used to say to him, ‘I think you’re a closet fag, you know.’ Because after we started to live together, John would say to me, ‘Do you know why I like you? Because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.’

— Yoko Ono, interviewed for New York Magazine (25 May 1981).

Or the partner he was looking for could be found in the (often dominant) person he was most emotionally invested in his whole life. 

All I want is you / Everything has got to be just like you want it to

And in a society that establishes that the closest two people can be, the greatest intimacy they can share, the ultimate declaration of love is to live in a monogamous amorous relationship, is it any wonder that John felt he could only believe in their relationship if they were together like that? Is it any wonder that he would doubt Paul’s affections because Paul apparently wasn’t willing to express them like that? 

JOHN: It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

SHEVEY: But Yoko is a very independent person. Isn’t it— [inaudible]

JOHN: Sure, and so were the men I worked with. The only difference is she’s female.

SHEVEY: But you didn’t find it difficult to make that transition?

JOHN: Oh yeah. I mean, it took me four years. I’m still not – I’m still only coming through it, you know.

— Interview with Sandra Shevey (June 1972).

I know I keep posting this quote, but I don’t think he can make it more obvious than that: it’s not about the sex. Or rather, the sex is not the primary thing. 

He didn’t push all those years because he was uncontrollably horny for Paul. John just wants a physical manifestation, a more tangible “proof”, of his emotional connections. He wants to be able to hold hands, be held and perhaps also have sex with his best friend; he needs those proofs of love through the means of physical affection because he won’t believe Paul’s love for him is there otherwise (or that it’s as great as John’s).

Would society normalizing other kinds of relationships – such as friendships – to be as important or on the same level as amorous (romantic/sexual) ones, have helped John and Paul? Most likely. 

Would society normalizing same-sex amorous relationships have helped John and Paul? Perhaps. (For this one we would have to look more closely at Paul’s needs and desires.)

All this to say that John’s idea of sexuality was extremely influenced by society, and in his case, the rule “amorous relationships are the normative ones” outweighed the “heterosexual relationships are the normative ones”. 

The conflict occurred when from Paul’s perspective, the priority of the rules was the other way around. I think Paul was ready to ignore society’s norm and live his life with his friendship with John as the most important relationship. But he also wanted a heterosexual one. (But more on that on a post of its own.)

For now, I hope I have more or less managed to express my thoughts on the matter of John’s sexuality. 

Thank you so much for reading through all that and for reaching out in the first place! I truly appreciate it!

#John Lennon #paul mccartney #yoko ono #the beatles #asks me why #I'm not a homosexual or we could have had a homosexual relationship #he could be a real soft sweetie #paul is a concept by which we measure our pain #touching is good #and when i touch you i feel happy inside #the person I actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #alistair taylor #Brian Epstein #Tony Sheridan #Horst Fascher #meta #my stuff

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

"You're My Hero" Pt 1

Warnings: getting robbed, minor injures, homophobia mention (lmk if i forgot any)

Summary: Virgil is a superhero crushing on Logan. Logan is crushing on the hero. Chaos goes down.

Ships: Analogical

AU: Superhuman!Virgil (NOT the same as my Supers AU)

Notes: idgaf if someone's done this already now enjoy. fic is inspired by this drawing so thank u op for drawing this!!!

Taglist: @bean-of-cheese @watchoutforthefanfics @notalwaysthebadguy @imnotalwaysthebadguy @tottalynotgayatall @phantom-moonfire @theoffical-virgilsanders @ayesthoughts @ollyollyoxinfree @aleiimm @virgil-is-baby-boi @ballisticfan123 @rosiethephoenix @thestarswelcomemewithopenarms

-----

Virgil Deckett was a hero. A hero with beautiful black feathers that faded to white. Flying above the city, on his usual patrol, he started monologuing.

"My name is Virgil Deckett. I have been a hero since my senior year of high school. I was blessed with large wings that I can hide at will.

Just like any traditional super hero story, I have a crush that I try to hide my hero identity from. Unlike other comics though," Virgil stopped to chuckle, "I'm gay."

"And my crush is my roommate, Logan Everton. I've known him since middle school and I realized I had a crush since my freshman year of high school. I got kicked out my sophomore year and went to live with my cousin, Patton Harper. That's when I discovered I had wings."

As Virgil continued to glide around, he glanced down at the ground below. He was right above Logan's workplace, Virgil subconsciously flew here. Logan.

Virgil could almost never get him off his mind. That crush has been there for ages, festering. Virgil wanted to be with him so bad, but it was risky, due to being a hero.

Later that day, Virgil arrived home. He walked in exhausted, only to find Logan on the couch watching something on his laptop. "Hey, L. What'cha lookin at?" came from the emo's mouth as he lazily flopped onto the couch beside the nerd.

Logan's face turned red a little bit as he confessed: "More... superhero bits from the news..." A nervous chuckle came from Logan. "To be more specific, it's today's footage of The Raven, my personal favorite." he giggled.

Virgil's face blushed red. Logan may be a big comicbook & superhero nerd, but no hero has never topped The Raven when it comes to Logan's favorite.

Virgil is The Raven.

Flashback to late sophomore year...

Virgil knocked on Logan's door. It was his first time ever going to his crush's house and he was nervous. You could even tell by the sound of his knocking, it was shaky.

Logan opened the door. "Hello Virgil." emptily came from the nerd's mouth. Back in high school Logan was a lot more closed off emotionally, but he still was friendly, it's just his lack of showing emotion was off-putting.

Logan went for a hug but stopped in his tracks. "Oh, is it ok if I hug you?" "O-oh, heheh, sure!" nervously agreed Virgil. He didn't expect that, and was completely freaking out on the inside, but he didn't want to ruin anything.

After the hug, Logan brought Virgil inside. He got to meet Logan's parents, then they went to Lo's room. When Virgil walked into the room though... He saw a big poster of himself. Or rather, The Raven.

Fear sunk into the pits of his stomach. Virgil knew Logan loved heroes, but he had no clue that The Raven was his favorite, despite him only being famous for three months now. It made Virgil shake some more. Not because it was bad, though.

Logan noticed Virgil staring at the poster and mistook it for the feeling of wonder. "Oh, you like the poster? I got it commisioned from Roman for my birthday last month." Virgil shook out of his state and looked at Logan.

"Wait, Roman, as in Roman Aveyard, the leader of the art club and frequent star in the school's plays?! No way!"

"Yes way, the Aveyard twins are actually childhood friends of mine."

"That's crazy! You think you could introduce them to me sometime?"

"Sure, although it's not that hard, they're super friendly and welcoming. Well, Remus is a bit more difficult because of, y'know."

Virgil chuckled. After time passed, and years went by, Virgil was used to Logan's obsession with his hero self.

Virgil snapped away from the flashback. "Haha, of course you are..." Virgil mumbled loud enough for Logan to hear. Logan looked away from the screen for the first time since Virgil got home only to see his reddened face. "Wow, are you ok? You look tired."

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a long day." Virgil yawned to sell the 'tired' excuse. "How was your day at work?"

"Boring. Though I did see the Raven fly over my workplace, so that was cool." Logan smiled. It was a beautiful smile, in Virgil's eyes.

Virgil so wished he could just tell Logan. But it would be weird since he's also The Raven. The thought just made Virgil's stomach twist. Not yet. It's not safe.

-----

It was another long day for Logan. He was walking home from work after working overtime, since it wasn't too long and Logan needed the exercise. He had been thinking about Virgil, who was probably home already, when he heard a cry for help.

Logan turned his head. It was coming from an alleyway beside him. He dashed down it only to get side sweeped and ended up falling on his face. His glasses were cracked on one side but the other side stayed safe.

There were four masked figures in all black in front of him, one them female. The woman, in a normal tone, went "Oh, help me! I'm soo scared!" and laughed maniacally. Logan had been tricked.

One of the men picked him up by the back of his shirt, while another man and the woman held his arms and legs so he couldn't escape. The remaining guy walked up and got semi-close to Logan's face.

Logan tried to get away but it was pointless. The man up in his space was quiet but still scary-sounding. "Alright you pathetic little nerd, cough up everything you got and we'll let ya go with just a broken ribcage at the rarest. If you don't comply, you'll never live long enough to make it home."

Logan was starting to cry at this point. He squirmed as much as he could, so much that his glasses fell off. He spat out "Heck no! Leave me alone!" only to to get a rough slap and a punch in the nose.

As the man who wasn't holding him dug through his bag, picking out every valuable he had and ruining everything else.

He was in major distress at this point. There was only one thing he could do.

Logan cried for help.

-----

[Good Ending]

[Bad Ending]

#logan #virgil #analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides fic #sanders sides #superhuman virgil au #kacey's original posts

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[painandpleasure86]

I Cannot Believe It’s True

A/N: Hi there ppl! I never participated in a ship week like this time… Thank u Mel aka @roger-taylors-car for hosting this special week ❤️

This little DeazelloNeighbors'AU haves the previous chapters:

Ch #1 “My new neighbor it’s my crush”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190777536948/my-new-neighbor-its-my-crush-deazzello-week

Ch #2 “Gimme your comfort, I suffer of love”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190796228203/gimme-your-comfort-i-suffer-of-love-deazello

Ch #3 “Life-changing decisions (and a lot of suspects)”: https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/190811616233/life-changing-decisions-a-lot-of-suspects

Oh! This time, I took the prompts Valentine’s Day and Cheating.

I deleted previous post because I posted it so late and with some imperfections... Also, yesterday was an occupied day (plus Valentine’s Day date with my bf). Sorry :(

I hope to post for Day 6.

Summary: a disaster was about to start…

Warning: Angst, Fluff and a pinch of humor.

Word count: 2300

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou @deakysgurl (if you want to be in this list, send me a msg or ask)

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

***********************************

Were long days without him. He wasn’t that happy. But, taking what he learned in acting school, he always was smiling, being kind, working hard in the dance studio.

A nice way to cheer him up was, ironically, help to Ronnie. Joe really liked that woman. She always was so kind, smiley and also even after 6 kids she still was beautiful. He couldn’t deny that, even being gay. “John straight taste was nice”.

How he helped to the mistress? Taking care of the children meanwhile she was to buy some groceries, gone to the hairdresser for her dye or meanwhile she was taking a bath or cooking.

Robert and Michael were old enough to take care (Robert was almost 19 and Michael almost 17) even Laura with almost 15 years; so he took care of the three youngest. To him, was so great. He loved baby Cam, and Luke that he was starting to walk… Joshua had 10 years old, but he also kept an eye over him.

Once he trapped Josh looking for porn mags at his dad’s office.

“How you know that? Isn’t something of your age”. asked Joe to the boy.

“I trapped to my dad once with his hands under the table and I asked what he was doing”, replied Josh without shame. He continued talking. “The strange thing is, that in that pics I didn’t saw women… but I didn’t found it repulsive at all. They’re getting sex between them because they’re alone and… they also have needs”.

That words couldn’t came from his own.

“You really thinks like that?”

“Were words of my Dad and looks credible to me”.

Joe couldn’t found words then to explain that Josh dad was gay.

“Please don’t tell to my dad that I found his mags with that naked men… and never to my mom!” begged Joshua.

“Promise” and Joe extended his right pinky finger.

The guy understood the signal and extended the pinky finger from his left hand and intertwined it with Joe’s pinky finger, smiling.

“Redhead power!” said Joe, raising his left arm.

Josh laughed.

“We’re the best!” exclaimed Josh.

That happy smile made Joe being sad internally. Josh was like a little redhead John.

Laura always was watching at Joe with love eyes. And was paradise to her when she hurted a bit one of his feet and Joe hugged her to comfort her. When Joe listened “y-your pa-parfum it’s so nice” he could knew that Laura was better. “Yeah sweetie, your dad also loved it…” thought Joe.

Ronnie didn’t left to Joe to grab Cameron often, but when that happened… he felt like he was with some of his younger cousins or better, with a step brother. That baby was his weakness. “You’re a cute boy!” he often said to the baby, giving a  smooch in the little forehead. Cameron always gave in response a cute giggle. But this time, that happy face didn’t made him remember to John. Cam haves Ronnie’s face.

———-

February 11th Ronnie received a call when Joe was around there.

“Take care of Cam and Luke please” said her, running to the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ronnie!”

“John!!! How are you? we’re missing you here!”

The man smiled.

“I’m tired Ronnie. I just want to stay at home…”

“When you will come back?” asked the mistress.

“I’ll be there before Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow.”

Ronnie told to her offsprings “Dad will comeback tomorrow!” They smiled... And Luke said “Dad?” His first word.

Ronnie started to cry. She grabbed Luke in her arms.

“Ron.. Ron?”

“Oh sorry John! Luke told his first word, finally!! Come on son!”

The toddler didn’t wanted to say anything.

“Put him in the phone”

The baby started to listen his dad’s voice.

“How are you, little bud? I miss you so much!”

The baby didn’t said anything, just giggled.

Joe, having Cameron in his arms, watched at Luke’s eyes and cheer him up to speak. “Come on Luke, you can do it little champ!”

And Luke said “J-joe!”, pointing at the redhead.

John couldn’t react.

--

(In Montreux)

Roger saw John paralyzed with the phone in his hand and against his left ear.

“Deaky… are you okay mate?”

Trying to speak, he responded “Luke said his first word… and wasn’t mom or dad. Was the name of my new neighbor”

“Oh I see that Ronnie it’s having fun without you, then” joked Roger.

Deaky watched at Roger pretty annoyed. With that face. He preferred to not answer and continue talking with his family.

Roger approached to Brian then.

“John it’s acting rare..”

“Well, Roger, he’s so sensitive. Perhaps he isn’t in the mood to joke as he used to be.”

“No, not only for that. When he mentioned a couple of times to his neighbor, his cheeks flushed and his eyes brightened a bit.”

“You’re right Roger. I see that he loves to his neighbor” joked Bri.

“I think that’s serious. That he’s a kind of platonic love of John. But deaky didn’t wanted to accept. You know how’s deaky with things about his private life. If he didn’t want to tell to us, better not ask”

“I know it Roger. I know at the same person. I just hope that, at least he can have a nice Valentine’s Day.”

-------

Ronnie was asking “John? Are you there? John?”

“Sorry Ron. Roger made me a bad joke.”

“Haha! Do you wanna talk with the kids?”

“Sure”.

Joshua and Laura approached to the phone and talked a bit with their dad.

Meanwhile, Ronnie told to Joe “thank you for your help, really! The kids loved you!”

Joe smiled and his cheeks turned red.

“Now you’re the one with their cheeks flushed” joked Ronnie.

Both laughed.

“Was an honor Ronnie. Your kids are so great. And this little bud” pointing to Cameron with his chin “the cutest baby ever… well also Luke, haha! Don’t be jealous, man!” he added, caressing a bit Luke’s head.

Joshua screamed “mum, dad want that Cam listen his voice”.

Joe, watching at the woman, said “take to this bud.”

“No Joe. Gave to John a surprise and speak with him!” exclaimed the woman.

Joey, holding Cameron with his left arm and hand, took the phone and he said “Hi sir”

Another moment of silence for the bassist.

“John? Are you listening me?” asked worried Joe.

---

Meanwhile, John’s bandmates watched to him staring in silence.

“Joey” he finally replied in a sigh and smiling.

“See… he’s in love with that man” pointed Roger watching the scene.

“Let John alone Roger! If he’s happy…” said Brian. “Let’s coming back to our business” concluded.

----

“I- erm we miss you John… also this little guy that I have in arms! I must to confess that I love to be with your family”

“Even Ronnie?” John joked.

“Of course! I was helping her these last days.”

“It’s ironic… but well! Put me to my son to the phone please… we will talk tomorrow Joey.”

“Okay."

Joe approximate the phone to Cam’s left ear.

"Hi my little piece of heaven! How are you?” he said with the softest voice ever.

The baby giggled intensely.

“Dad loves you so much!”

The baby babbled.

All there were smiling for that cute scene.

Joe took the phone again and said “to Ronnie again?”

“No Joey. That’s all. See ya soon. Lov- take care of yourself”.

“Bye John”.

Both hung up.

Joe said “I think that I should to go to home…” and gave Cameron to Ronnie.

“Stay for the dinner, I even made a lactose free dessert for you”, she said, receiving to her youngest one.

Kissing to Ronnie in one cheek, he replied “I’d love that. But I want to sleep. I need that.”

“It’s okay Joe. Come tomorrow to have dinner with John please. He would be so happy to see you when he come back”.

“Tomorrow I’ll be here.” And watching to Cameron, he said “bye bud!”. Luke said “Joei” and extended his arms. Joe hugged to the little boy that was sat in the floor. “Bye champ!”

Josh and Joe made their “redhead power” salute.

“MICHAEL, COME HERE TO OPEN THE DOOR TO JOE” screamed Ronnie

He was until the stairs and said “No. Look how I’m dressed, plus outside it’s cold.”

“Excuses Mike, when Samantha came here you were dressed with that pajamas and you didn’t cared at all to go outside and close the main door” replied Laura, kinda upset.

Michael couldn’t respond better thing that “It’s better that you go to open the door to him, I listened how you says sometimes I love you joeeeeey ” meanwhile you’re sleeping.”

Laura’s cheeks were extra red. Mike made his bad action for that day.

Joshua started to mock Laura, but Ronnie stopped him.

Joe, in response of Mike’s confession, hugged Laura.

“You’re so cute, I like your style, and I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile but girl, you’re only a child ” Joe sung.

Laura laughed for the reference.

“I love that song, have my age! That’s so cool”.

“Great, but also there it says why I don’t reply to your flirth”

“I know... but anyways you’re so beautiful”.

Leaving the embrace, both walked to the main door. Laura still having that blush...

————--------------------------------------------------

John came back. Finally. And was huge his surprise when he saw Joe in the familiar table.

“Joe? Here? I-”

He stared at the scene and his offsprings came to greet him.

“You will say Dad again?” the man asked to his son Luke.

“Joei… Dad” pointing to Joe.

John laughed and hugged to the toddler.

“Luke really likes you Joe. Thank you for help to Ronnie” said with Luke in his arms.

“And you don’t greet me?” asked Ronnie giving a kiss in John’s lips.

Joe was a bit jealous.

Josh made a disgust expression.

“Hi Ron, this meal smell so delicious! Sorry, i’m hungry…” And watching at his youngest in Ronnie’s arms, he said “Hi my little piece of heaven!”

Leaving to Luke in his special chair, he said to Ronnie “I need to talk something with Joe…We will comeback soon.” In a whisper, he added “I’ll pay something for came to help you”. The men disappeared.

Both men were to the studio of John,there they hugged so tight for five minutes. Just hugged. In silence.

“I missed you so much Joe.” said finally the bassist.

“Me too… being here cheered me up, until I recognized that almost all your kids have the same smile that you have.” admitted Joe.

“Was masochist then” said the elder, leaving the embrace and caressing the right cheek of Joe.

“No… Well a bit. But was fun. I love to your children John.” replied the redhead. “And I love you. I do since a lot of time.” That last words were the speech that once his father caught saying to the mirror. Grabbing John’s face with both hands, he added  “Before knowing you in person I loved you. Now, even more. You’re the one…” and gave to him a sweet kiss in his lips. “Let me be your Valentine… the only one.”

John down his sight.

“I want that… but I can’t. My kids. My family…”

Walking to the door, Joe started to cry and say “You should think a bit more in you!” and watched at that greenish eyes again.

“Have the balls to do it, please. You’re happy with me, no? You told me how nice was to be alone and hug me… Don’t refuse to be happy” and he covered his face with his hands. Were a lot of tears.

After a couple of minutes, he said “I’ll go to the bathroom to wash my face. I don’t want that everyone watch at my eyes and ask me what happened”

When he opened the door, Joshua and Laura were there. They listened enough.

“Are you the boyfriend of my dad?” asked Laura, surprised.

“I’ll better call to mum” said Joshua serious.

“NO JOSH, COME HERE” screamed John and running behind him.

But John couldn’t catch to his son.

Meanwhile, Joe asked to Laura “Why you’re listening private conversations?”

“Mum wanted to call you and Dad because the chicken was ready, and well, instead of knock, we stared listening to dad and you talking… You’re the boyfriend, no?”

A question that Joe was about to reply, but Ronnie and the rest of her children were there.

“Kids, to your rooms… This is an adult conversation. Mike, take care of Luke and Cam meanwhile, please”.

Michael, with his brother Cameron in arms, said to Laura “I told you that those screamings were moans! And you didn’t wanted to believe me!”

Laura entered to her room, crying.

——–

Ronnie closed the door of the studio. Joe and John were there.

“I cannot believe it’s true… You, again... cheated on me… WITH A MAN! IN OUR HOUSE! BECAUSE NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY JOE SCREAMED. HE MOANED!!” Watching to Joe, she continued speaking… “YOU, PLAYED WITH ME AND MY KIDS, ACTING LIKE A KIND MAN. WHY YOU DID THIS TO MY FAMILY?”

“Ronnie, y-”

“DON’T CALL ME OF THAT WAY AGAIN JOSEPH.”

Watching to John, she added “AND YOU… GO AWAY OF THIS HOUSE. GRAB YOUR THINGS NOW”

“Veronica, I wanted to tell this soon…”

“HAHA… You know something John? I don’t believe you”.

The woman left the room, crying.

---------------

Both men left the house.  

“I’ll take a taxi and I’ll pass the night in an hotel. Again.” John told to Joe.

“Well John, in some moment that should happen…”

Both hugged tightly again.

“Love you John”.

“Love you Joe”.

And Joe started to go to his house.

Now there, his parents asked to Joe “What happened there? We listened some argues”

“Ronnie discovered that John cheated on her…” and, watching to his father, added “With me” replied Joe.

****************************

Again, if you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

Cheers, Lily

#painandpleasure86 fics #deazzello #deazzelloweek2020 #joe mazzello #john deacon #veronica tetzlaff #laura deacon #deaklings #roger taylor #roger meddows taylor #brian may #queen fic #queen fanfiction #neighbor au #neighbors

[artificialqueens]

break up with ur girlfriend (3/3) - dartmouth420

a/n: part 3: in which Raven makes an ethically questionable decision, Raja really doesn’t like mornings, absolutely nothing will crush Manila’s positive attitude, and Jujubee throws a curve ball

basically ye olde morning after weirdness

thanks for reading :)

Raven awoke tired and a little hungover in bed with Manila and Raja. She raised her head and sighed, then noticed the tall glass of water on the bedside table. She loosely remembered Raja padding out of the room just as Raven was drifting off (thoroughly fucked out and happy) and placing something on the bedside table. That was kind of her, especially considering the circumstances in which they’d met. Raven raised the glass and took a big drink, appreciative.

Raven sat on the edge of the bed quietly, not wanting to wake them. Maybe she’d go and make coffee or something. Or maybe she should just leave. Raven glanced over her shoulder. A perfect ray of sunlight was hitting the bed where Manila and Raja were still curled up, asleep, and whole thing was aesthetically glorious.

Raven wondered if what was about to do was ethical. But then she shrugged, and raised her phone. Also, she really liked them, and might be interested in seeing them again, so she held no malicious intent.

The photo she took was from a strong angle, consisting of the corner of her face, one eye visible, eyebrow raised, blonde hair smooth close to her head. Behind her was the bed, and Raja and Manila curled up, still asleep. Raja was deep in the covers, only one closed eye, her forehead and a streak her long grey hair visible. Manila was next to Raja, lying on her back fast asleep with her mouth open, the cover pulled up to her chin.

She hit send.

BITCH replied Juju, quickly, with about eighteen emojis, you fucked them both???

you bet replied Raven, smug.

Wait a sec, Juju replied. Then the second text came in.

ohhhhhh YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT

what?? Raven looked down at her phone, concerned.

BITCH THE GIRL ON THE LEFT IS MY SECOND COUSIN

The blood drained from Raven’s face, and she looked back at Manila, who was… well, a young woman who’s last name she hadn’t asked for and who’s social media who hadn’t checked out. But in a big, multicultural city like this who would’ve expected her to be related to Raven’s best friend?

fuckkkk

Juju sent her a text containing twenty laugh-crying emojis and one devil, followed by a vomit-face.

uhhhh, don’t be grossed out but she’s hot, replied Raven, who was finding the situation as distressing as it was funny. This new factoid raised the stakes, seeing this couple was no longer an entirely anonymous entity.

She mildly regretted sending the photo. Maybe it was an invasion of privacy.

BITCH DON’T TELL ME THAT ABOUT MY COUSIN

idk if anyone knows she’s gay tbh that whole side of the family is pretty religious

i didn’t know lol

oh shit I’m sorry… was just trying to brag to u about my conquest haha

why are u like this it’s fucked up lol

idk lol

thanks for telling me

but like

i might wanna see her again?

maybe both of them ;) ??? typed out Raven, hitting send with some mild guilt. She’d definitely need to sit down and think about this later. After she had some caffeine.

o really?

yeah…

aw <3

Raven smiled at the phone. She really loved Juju, they’d been best friends since college, and truly shared everything.

can’t wait to be ur in-law, teased Juju,

imma bring u really cheap wedding gifts

ur getting an off-brand slow cooker

BITCH!

anyway g2g <3 <3

hmu later <3

Raven got up and walked to the bathroom. She quickly rinsed her face and mouth. She put the unexpected information from Juju about Manila aside for now, and decided not address it. This really wasn’t the time or the place. Then she padded over to the kitchen. It was a bit cluttered, clearly well-used and loved.

There was an espresso machine on the counter, and Raven grinned. She knew how to work one of those, having done the time in her early twenties as a barista. While the water heated, Raven looked at the pictures on the fridge. There were kitschy magnets from a few places around the world, ‘Paris, je t'aime!’, and several photos, including two goofy school pictures of Raja and Manila respectively. Manila glared at the camera, about thirteen and deep in an emo phase, judging by her racoon-like eyeliner, back-combed hair and striped long-sleeved shirt. Raja’s picture was more innocent, a goofy-looking androgynous nine-year old with a big smile, round face and black hair sticking up awkwardly.

Raven snorted a laugh. She appreciated this couple’s sense of humour, displaying silly pictures on their fridge.

She sighed. She shared her apartment somewhat resentfully with two room mates. It wasn’t an ideal situation but it was cheap and because of that she’d been able to put aside some savings. If only Tyra would do the dishes every once in a while. Not to mention she was pretty sure Nicole had a crush on her, and she had to figure out how to let the other girl down easy. In fact, Nicole was probably taking her dog for a walk right now. Raven winced and sighed. Whatever, these were problems for Future Raven. Hopefully she’d find a better job soon, and move on.

The espresso machine was gurgling, so Raven moved over and dealt with it.

A few minutes later she snuck back into the bedroom with three cups of espresso. She was a little nervous, this wasn’t something she’d normally do. She was more of a leave immediately after sex or quickly in the morning kind of lover. But this felt like the right thing.

She put the coffee on the bedside table and sat on the bed, heart suddenly beating quickly.

The movement of Raven sitting back down on the bed disrupted Manila, who blinked her eyes open and yawned, stretching. The movement then woke Raja, who groaned and buried her face deeper into the pillow, disappearing under the duvet. Manila blinked and smiled sleepily at Raven.

“Good morning… oh! You made coffee!” said Manila, and she threw the covers off and made for the bedside table where Raven had put the little cups, “Oh my god, is that espresso?”

“Did somebody say espresso?” muttered Raja from deep in the blankets.

“Yeah, I made some,” said Raven, gently.

“That’s nice, you’re so sweet!” enthused Manila, kissing Raven on the cheek. Manila was shockingly perky, having been awake for less than one minute, “And I thought you were all mean and sexy last night…”

“She’s great. Keep your voice down,” muttered Raja.

Raven stifled a laugh, and sipped her own coffee. Manila crawled off the bed and threw on a robe, before sitting next to Raven and drinking her coffee in silence. Eventually, a long brown arm stuck out of the pile of covers that contained Raja, and Manila carefully put the cup of espresso into her hand. The arm retreated into the pile of covers almost cartoonishly. The only evidence of Raja’s existence was a small slurp and a happy sigh.

“I had a really nice time with you two, last night,” whispered Raven, putting a hand on Manila’s thigh.

“Aw thanks! I did too, and Raja as well,” replied Manila, quietly.

“Lovely, so… I can leave whenever, if you’ve got something you’re doing today-”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” replied Manila, smiling so that the edges of her eyes crinkled happily, “Neither of us have plans, you can hang out for breakfast, whatever suits you.”

“Right, well,” replied Raven, her heart glowing a little upon hearing she was welcome to stay, “I really need to shower.”

“Mmm, I think I’ll join you,” said Manila, putting down her cup down. They both glanced back at the pile of blankets and pillows that contained Raja somewhere deep within it.

“Yeah, she won’t be really awake for a while.”

-

Of course, Raven ended up on her knees in the shower eating Manila out against the wall. A truly good start to the day, Raven mused to herself as Manila squirmed and gasped, throwing her head back with pleasure. What could be better?

When they were finally done, they found Raja in the kitchen, starting to cook. The older woman had put her hair up on top of her head in a messy bun, wore dark-rimmed glasses and an elaborately patterned silk robe.

“Your glasses are too cute,” said Raven, as she towelled her hair dry. She was wearing a borrowed bathrobe, one of an apparently infinite supply, “Anything I can help with?”

“No, just sit there and look pretty,” replied Raja, with an affectionate smile.

“That’ll be easy.”

Breakfast was insanely good. It was better than any breakfast Raven had had in a long time, and she’d certainly worked up an appetite. Raja could really cook. They hung around the table for a while, chatting away about plans for the weekend and this and that. Eventually Raven changed, slipping her dress from last night back on, feeling a bit weird next to the other two, who were wearing relaxed weekend clothes. It was time to retreat to her own apartment and chill out.

“I think I’ll call an uber,” said Raven to Raja. Manila was checking her phone, and Raja was putting dishes in the sink.

“I can give you a ride,” said Raja, shrugging.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem.”

“Okay, thanks,” said Raven. She supposed it’d be worth it to save the eight dollars on the ride.

“Manila, you want to come?” asked Raja, half-turning towards the other woman.

“Ah, no, sorry I have to make a call in a few minutes,” said Manila, giving Raven an apologetic smile.

Manila then engaged in a drawn out goodbye with Raven, leaving her with lingering kisses and an exchange of numbers. Raja watched from the door, lacing up her shoes, and raised a single eyebrow. Then Raven got her little purse and left with Raja. Her high-heeled club shoes clicked along the floor of the hallway.

In the carpark under the building, they approached an ugly 90’s style green car.

“Wow, this thing is ancient,” joked Raven, sitting down on the worn passenger seat. But unlike Juju’s car that seemed to be always covered in empty takeout containers and random garbage, Raja’s was meticulously clean. Raven didn’t have a car, but everything she did was comfortably within either cycling or public transit distance, and for anything that wasn’t Juju would drive her.

“Yeah, so everyone tells me,” chuckled Raja, shifting into gear, “But it’s reliable, hasn’t died yet. I made it through Hurricane Katrina in this thing.”

“You can drive stick?” asked Raven, curious, “Also… what?”

“Yep,” replied Raja, winking, “And I’ll tell you that story sometime if you’re lucky.”

“Hmm.” Raven was impressed and she eyed Raja’s tattooed hand on the gearshift as she confidently manoeuvred the car out of the parkade into the street. The bright sun burst through the windshield, and reflected off of Raja’s white Tshirt.

“So,” said Raven as they drove, after she’d given Raja her address. She felt a bit exposed, without any makeup on and her hair still slightly damp from the shower.

“So,” replied Raja, smirking a little at Raven’s uncharacteristic hesitance, “Manila gave you her number, right?”

Raven nodded, and then she had no idea why she said it, but suddenly it was out of her mouth, “It turns out I distantly know her.”

“Oh yeah? From where?”

“She’s my friend Juju’s second cousin.”

Raja stiffened at the mention, shifting the clutch and accelerating through the green light, “You know her family?”

“No. She just happens to be related to her. Juju’s my best friend,” replied Raven, inwardly cursing. Why had she even mentioned it?

“How did you find out?”

“Checked out her instagram this morning, realized the connection,” Raven lied quickly, guilt flaring in her stomach.

“Right. Well. Manila’s family is pretty religious,” said Raja matter-of-factly, but Raven could see lingering resentment in her expression, “Let’s just say they don’t approve of us and leave it at that. Maybe don’t mention this to your friend.”

“Of course not.”

“Good.”

Raven wondered if she could have handled that better. But then again, family was complicated.

They pulled up at Raven’s soon after that. Raven was having a hard time getting a read on Raja, so she decided to say exactly how she felt and Raja could interpret it however she so desired. They’d been quiet for the last few minutes of the drive. It was a beautiful day, thought Raven, looking out the window at the bright blue sky.

“Well, I had a great time with you two last night and I hope you stay in touch, I’d love to see you again,” said Raven, with a warm smile as she opened the door to get out.

“I had a good time as well,” said Raja, with a half-smile, “I, ah, just felt a bit weird with you bringing up Manila’s family. I’m basically suspicious of anyone who knows them since they’ve been so shitty to us over the years. But yeah, I like you too. Until next time.”

And then Raja leaned in and kissed Raven intently. Raven raised her eyebrows, surprised. And then Raja pulled back and gave her an absolutely filthy grin, and when Raven left the car she waved. Raven waved back and saw in Raja the same goofy energy as she’d seen in the childhood photo on her fridge. It was a bit of a shock after her cool exterior, but charming.

Hmmm. It seemed the night before had worked out in the best way possible. Raven opened the front door to her building and nodded pleasantly to her elderly neighbour, who looked her up and down disapprovingly.

Raven walked up the two flights of stairs towards her apartment, feeling thoroughly satisfied. She had work on Monday and a bunch of laundry and groceries and chores to do before then. Also, Juju would be back Sunday afternoon and she was looking to reuniting with her best friend after their brief time apart.

There was much to discuss.

-

The following morning she received a text.

You doing anything next weekend? :P

Raven raised an eyebrow and replied, new phone who dis

It’s Manila!!! Omg you’re the worst lol

that’s what they all say

hmmmmm i think i’m available friday ;)

Yay!! We’ll be in touch, Manila sent a quick photo of herself and Raja, a selfie in Raja’s car. Manila was sticking her tongue out at the camera and Raja was looking at something out of frame, light reflecting off her glasses. There were bags full of groceries behind them in the back seat.

Raven smiled down at her phone like a love-struck fool.

#rpdr fanfiction #raven #raja gemini #manila luzon #ravjila #lesbian au #fluff #drama #morning after #dartmouth420 #poly