#but nothing was! i was just a dumb bitter baby with issues

[myouicieloz]

Hi! I just found your blog and I’m looking forward to your works. Could I request a Seulgi angst fic; where you and Seulgi have been in a happy, loving, fulfilling, committed relationship for the past 3 years, but one day when she came back from practice with the girls you two got into a heated argument about how she’s always canceling dates with you because work related things come up that she “can’t miss” and she ends up bringing up something that you had confided in Her about awhile ago and uses it against you; to which she immediately regrets and tries to take back and can you take it from there? Thank you! I look forward to it:)

Missing you

Kang Seulgi x reader

Warnings: toxic!relationship, angst (dw it’s all good now)

Word count: 3.7k

Notes: hi!! sorry for taking long <3. I kind of struggled to think of a motive of them arguing bc it kept getting too dark (as in they wouldn’t be able to get past this lol) and I kinda wanted a happy ending. I hope this is to your liking!! Kisses mwah mwah.

Your gaze flew to the clock for the 30th time in a spam of five minutes, making you sigh in defeat. Seulgi had promised you she’d meet you at your favorite restaurant for dinner, as a way to make up to you for being so busy over the past weeks. Yet there you were, sitting alone with a glass of bitter wine for over two whole hours before you finally gave up and went home, realizing she wouldn’t come. Again.

Babe <3

Hey baby, rehearsals are going up until late since we still have so much to work on

I won’t make it to dinner. Sorry.

Next week, though? I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

I love you

You got into your apartment just as her message lit up your phone. You threw it over the sofa, preparing yourself a long bath to try to relax. You took a deep breath before entering the warm water, the bubbles and the silence easing your tensed muscles. You tried not to think about your girlfriend or your relationship, knowing it’d only make you even more upset, but your thoughts didn’t seem to let you rest.

You and Seulgi loved each other, you knew that much. You’ve never loved her any less in those three years you’ve been dating, but it pained you to see how much you’ve drifted apart lately. You felt like you were the only one trying to spend time with her, and it wasn’t like you weren’t busy yourself: being an intern in one of Seoul’s top hospitals while studying for residency was tiring and difficult, specially since you’ve always been a bit behind your colleagues, having to push yourself harder than the most to simply be at their level. Still, you always made sure to make some time for Seulgi. Why couldn’t she do the same? Were you not important to her?

Those thoughts made you sigh, your body immersed in the water until it went limp and the water grew cold. Part of you wished you could be somewhat more imposing: demand more from her, confront the woman over your issues, telling her how you felt. You couldn’t, though. You were too weak for that. Which was the reason you dragged yourself to bed, rolling over to set your alarm on your phone before allowing your body to be dragged by sleep.

It’s ok.

Next time, then

Gnight love

Seulgi’s reply came hours later, although you were fast asleep.

Sweet dreams, dearest.

-

To say you were having a bad day was a euphemism. Your preceptor had given you the biggest, shittiest lecture over nothing (so what if you couldn’t get the stupid procedure done at the very first try? He had no right to scream at you to get out of the OR like that, let alone yell at your face for over half an hour about how dumb and unprepared you were, compared to others. Preposterous piece of crap). You nearly fell down the stairs on your way to lunch and, to make it better, your umbrella broke, making you run all the way home after being dropped at the bus stop to try to get less soaked. It didn’t work, and you entered your place with chattering teeth and the feeling of the wind carved deep in your bones. Your body was trembling so much from the cold and the stress, you dropped your keys twice before you managed to open the door, finally sighing in relief.

That relief, however, ended just as you spotted your girlfriend’s silhouette leave your kitchen and enter your living room, smiling as if she hadn’t fucked up hard by leading you on for so long.

“Jesus baby, you’re soaked.” She frowned, giving you a peck on the lips. Your body went rigid at her touch, exhausted from everything, which made Seulgi confused. She was finally able to make some time and come see you, so why weren’t you happy?

You simply murmured something along the lines of hello and so nice to see you, before hurrying to your room to get rid of the wet clothes that clung to your body. You took the hottest shower of your life, trying to wash all the discomfort away, which didn’t work in the slightest.

You loved Seulgi so much it hurt, but the last thing you wanted for the day was to see her. You felt drained, your body ached, and you so desperately wanted to hide under your sheets and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t want to talk about your day—about anything, specially not to her. It’d demand too much energy to explain what was going on with you over the past few weeks, since you never seemed to properly talk to each other, anymore. You had no energy for that.

And you’ve always sucked at communicating, anyway.

You forced yourself to leave your room, dragging your feet in tiredness, and found Seulgi setting up the table for two. You sat down, still silent, and watched as she put some Tteokbokki for herself.

“I’ve already eaten at the hospital.” You told her, returning her stare with a shrug. Seulgi sighed at your pettiness; perhaps you did get mad at her for canceling on you on the prior week, unlike you’d told her. And the week before that. And-

Ok. She might deserve a bit of your cold shoulder. But you simply had to understand her: she was working so hard with the girls to prepare for their comeback, and there were still many things to be adjusted. Their expected date was approaching, and you’ve always been so comprehensive. Sure, she knew you often masked your feelings or simply dismissed them to try to please others, but she’d asked you about it so many times. If something was making you uncomfortable, you’d sure tell her. Right?

“So,” She grunted, adjusting herself in the chair. “How was your day?”

“It was fine, thanks.”

“Okay.” Seulgi murmured, not touching her food either. She was beginning to get irritated at your distance now. Sure, she knew being a doctor was exhausting and time-consuming, but it wasn’t like she wasn’t having one hell of a week, either. Her fingers twitched under the table, and she no longer stood the awkward silence between you. Rolling her eyes, she added, “Are you just going to be a bitch all night? Because I got here straight from practice, I’m tired as fuck and the last thing I want is for you t—“

“What are you doing here, then, Seulgi?” You interrupted her, feeling the anger rise on yourself too. “Don’t you have rehearsals and recordings to be too busy with? Or should I just be so fucking grateful that my girlfriend decided to grace me with her company? Am I not paying enough attention to your liking?” You usually tried your best to not be rude to others, keeping your sarcastic thoughts to yourself, but your sudden anger flared up and forged a cloud over your mind, making it hard to see clearly through it. “Should we call the others, then? The girls you spend all fucking day with?”

Seulgi rose from the table, her face heating up at your words and suggestions. You played low at that, you both knew it, but now you’ve gotten her way too pissed to think about consequences.

“What the fuck, Yn? What’s gotten into you?” She screams, leaning forward so you two were face to face, “I know it was not ideal at all to skip our dinner.” Multiple ones, you both knew it, but neither pointed it out loud. “But you know I can’t miss work. Please understand.”

Seulgi was just so mad and frustrated. Her times with you were always stress-relieving to her, but lately all you’ve been doing is either argue about minor stuff or simply not talk at all. It was taking a toll on her when it shouldn’t, not with her comeback so close and her stress levels already escalating. It wasn’t good for you either, with your crazy work routines and weekly exams at the hospital. She knew that.

But you couldn’t seem to make it work.

“What’s gotten into me?” You stood up yourself, too, towering over her. Since you were always so sweet and patient, Seulgi would often forget how much taller you were— in fact, it was one of the things she first noticed when you first met; it had gotten her attention instantly. She hated it now, though— how small it made her feel. “What’s gotten into me is that it seems like I don’t even have a fucking girlfriend anymore! You ignore me all the time like I’m just some friend and not someone who matters! I don’t even know what you’re doing half of the time, with God knows who.” You threw your hands in the air, exasperated.

Her expression turned into a scowl, and she rolled her eyes, palms curling into fists to shake the urge of grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking your insecurities away. Seulgi hated when you implied such things. You were the love of her life, and she’d never, never cheat on you, no matter how distant you were. But you were (deeply) insecure, and she knew that. She was also so, so enraged and stressed.

“Jesus, why are you always so fucking dramatic?” she was quick to snap back, defensive. “Acting like I’m going to leave you for the first person I see in the stree…” Seulgi’s words died on her mouth, immediately realizing the power of her words, making both of you gasp. She tried to reach out to you, but you pushed your chair roughly to get away from her.

Your body went rigid, countless memories of you crying to her flagged your mind. You’ve confessed to her many times about how much it bothered you to not have her around as much. You missed her deeply, and even though you trusted her completely, your mind was always playing tricks on you — not only about her, but with everything: how you weren’t enough at University, always behind your friends in grades; not interesting enough to make long last friendships, as you often saw in big groups of friends; not pretty or talented enough for your girlfriend, who was constantly around so many amazing people. That’s just how your mind worked 24/7; constantly wondering.

And now, Seulgi made sure to tell you just how much she hasn't forgotten any of that. Any of the things that made you deeply insecure.

“Get out.” You told her, hugging yourself to hide the urge of running straight to her arms.

Seulgi took a step forward, but it only made you back away twice as much. “Baby, I’m so sorry… listen, I—“

“I said get out!” You screamed this time, the tears you were fighting so hard to contain rolling freely on your face.

All the sensations you were suppressing all week erupted, boiling over your surface as you brushed past the hallway to try to get to your room, to the bathroom, anywhere small were you could be confined and finally let it all go. You were straight up sobbing now, your body hot from moving roughly alongside your heavy breathing. You were so sick of everyhting. Work, your friends, her. Her words hurt, and all you wanted was to disappear. You didn’t quite feel your body as the tears clouded your eyes, and suddenly very light, delicate hands were lifting you up —you now realized you’d simply sunk in the middle of the hallway, hugging your knees as strong as you could— and guiding you to your bedroom. Seulgi helped you to get under the covers as she lay down beside you, careful to not overwhelm you even more. When the older woman saw you’d settled down a bit, she opened her arms, making you cling onto her immediately. You knew you shouldn’t, but it was so comforting, and you loved her so much… You’d allow yourself just that, only for a few moments.

“I-I don’t want to do this anymore.” you muttered against her neck, wetting her shirt with your tears. “I’m so tired, Seulgi. I can’t.”

You felt her tense before you for brief seconds before her soothing touches went on, kissing your forehead ever so gently— almost as if you were made of glass. You certainly felt like it, at the moment. Like you were a glass full of cracks, threatening to shatter.

“Shh, it’s ok.” She cooed, running her hands under your shirt to draw small circles on your bare back, as she knew it soothed you and made you sleep almost instantly. “You’re too tired right now. Sleep, ok? I’ll be here when you wake up, then we’ll talk.”

You didn’t like the idea of talking things out with Seulgi. It would be too tiring, and maybe, just maybe… you were postponing it for so long because you feared what the outcome would be.

You were too afraid to lose her. So you’d rather leave things as they were, no matter how broken and uncomfortable they might be.

Your eyes, however, were already closing on their own, the warmth of her body making it so easy to just give in and rest.

“Okay.” You whispered, hugging her closer. “Tomorrow.”

You fell into a sleep without dreams soon enough.

-

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was how messy the right side of the bed— Seulgi’s side was. You’d missed the wrinkled sheets and how it always looked like a hurricane had passed over your bed whenever she came over, from how much she moved in her sleep. It made you smile to yourself as you got up, bare feet on the ground, while you hesitantly looked around for her, too scared to call her name out loud and find her gone.

It wouldn’t be the first time she broke a promise, after all.

You’d forgotten how much all the little things with her made you happy.

“…Hello?” You asked— secretly relieved, at the sight of your girlfriend kneeling on the ground, little wrinkles adorning her face as she tried hard to shove too many clothes on your washing machine.

She looked up, startled by the sound of your voice, but quickly smiled. “Hi. Did you have a good sleep?” Seulgi sounded genuinely concerned, making you curse yourself silently for worrying her.

Are you ok? She wanted to ask you. Seeing you so distressed had gotten her so guilty and concerned. She hated to see you like this, and it killed her to know she was to blame. I care.

“Yeah, I did, thanks.” You shrugged it off, standing awkwardly at her sides. “You don’t have to do my laundry, you know.”

“Well, someone has to.” Seulgi scoffed, rolling her eyes as she finally managed to close the machine’s door, even if with a bit of an effort.

You opened your mouth, faking being offended while bringing your hands to your heart. “I was going to do it, okay? On…”

“Saturday.” You both finished, together. Saturdays were laundry day for you, though you rarely followed your schedule through. It made you smile, to know she remembered it, and you said nothing, trying to not break the nice moment you were having.

“So, do you want to have lunch? We can go out, if you’d like.” Seulgi suggested, her tone careful as she fidgeted the hem of her big sweatshirt.

You simply stared at her, confused. Lunch? Had you really slept for that long?

“You slept for 13 hours, babe.” She clarified, looking at your confused face, making you quickly check your phone to confim the truth: it was, indeed, nearly lunchtime.

You’ve never been so grateful to be on your day off as much as you did now, or else you would’ve sure missed your pre-rounds at the hospital.

“Oh, ok.” You answered, a bit ashamed for dozing out for so long. “Let’s have lunch, then.” You realized she must’ve been skipping work, too; which was why you added, frowning. “Don’t you have to be in the company? It’s ok if you do. I can wait until nigh—“

“Don’t worry about it.” Your girlfriend clarified, motioning for you to get ready. “Let’s just have lunch, ok?”

You took a deep breath, knowing what she meant; it was urgent for the two of you to sit, talk and solve things. Giving in, you followed her, changing from your pajamas and fixing your hair as she grabbed some of your clothes (that were too big on her, as always. she loved it.) to go out.

“Ok.”

-

You played with your hands, sitting in front of Seulgi at a local restaurant near your house as you waited for your food to come. The cozy atmosphere didn’t do much to easy your discomfort, and you tried hard to not bite your (already deeply bitten) nails off. Seulgi’s eyes were trained on you, making you feel as if hundreds of tiny needles were piercing your skin through her gaze. To your surprise, not once had she checked her phone, unlike all the times you’ve been together over the last few months. Instead, her sole attention was on you, like you dreamed of so many times in those last weeks.

Now, however, her current focus only makes you want to throw up, from the nerves of the situation.

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself.” She expressed, as a matter of fact. It was true, but her accusation made you defensive, eyes snapping to her as you took a deep breath.

You were tired of arguing, and this was one of your favorite places: you’d rather not cause a scene. “Seulgi.”

“Am I lying?” Your piercing gaze was enough for her to roll her eyes, hands up to show you she wasn’t looking for a fight either. “Ok, let’s not go there.” Her tone dropped an octave, “I just worry, ok? You seem to be having it pretty tough.”

She wasn’t pressuring you to say anything before the two of you actually discussed your issues— you knew it as much. It as just hard for you to express yourself, now even more to do so without crying. And you didn’t want to cry in front of her.

“This rotation has been tough, like I already knew it would be.” You told her, refusing to meet Seulgi’s eyes. “It’s ok, though. It’s nearly over, now. Things will get better, then.”

You’d talked about it before your rounds started, Seulgi remembered. Flashes of you, worried, flashed through her mind, with herself assuring you she’d be by your side to help you on each step of your journey.

The memory made her want to throw up, too.

“Look at me, baby.” You heard her say, yet you still refused to meet her eyes. Instead, you felt her hands holding yours, her touch firm. “Yn, look at me.”

You closed your eyes to prepare yourself for whatever was about to come, a few quiet moments amidst the storm of both of your minds. When you opened them, she was ready to welcome you. “I’m sorry, ok? I truly am so, so sorry for those last couple of weeks— hell, these couple of months. I’m such an idiot for leading you on like that and for not treating you like you deserve it. I love you, God, I fucking love you more than anything in this world, Yn, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Her grip went tighter, but you didn’t care. You could only listen to her words. “I promise I’ll do better, to show you how much you matter to me. I’ll be here for you, just like you’ve always been, for me.” She murmured, taking your hands to your lips as she kissed them gently.

Little droplets of tears still threatened to fall from your eyes as your voice faltered, a bulge forming in your throat. You loved Seulgi and needed her like the air you breathed, and sure missed her every second of the day, when you weren’t together. But her distance had hurt you, deeply.

She was crying, too. You realized you’ve actually never seen her cry, in the 3 years you’ve been dating.

“Your distance really hurt.” You managed to voice it to her, between hiccups. “I-I felt like I was doing something wrong all the time.”

“You weren’t. You’d never, baby.” She reassured you, running her hands through your hair to get it out of your wet face. “It was my fault. You’re mine and I’m yours, ok? We’ll start over, and I’ll show you how much you matter to me. I won’t fuck up our relationship anymore.” She looked at you timidly, adding, “And I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, too. It was not my place to use something you confined at a moment like that. I was such a huge bitch.”

“It’s ok.” You muttered, though still hurt.

“No it’s not.” She exclaimed, serious. “It was horrible, and I’m deeply sorry for that. It’s not going to happen again. Ever.”

Instead of answering, you lunged forward, kissing her urgently— fuck the restaurant and etiquette. Seulgi kissed you with equal fervor, savoring your taste. God, she’d missed you so much.

“I love you.” You told her, smiling as you ended the kiss, leaning on the chair. She pouted, but opened a big smile as she saw yours. “And I don’t want us to end. We’ve been through so much. I want to be by your side, with anything that comes.”

“I love you more, Yn. We’ll be together, always. Nothing will fuck us up anymore. No rehearsals, recordings… nothing.” Her hands brushed your lips as she stared at your face, enamored, before adding. “Now tell me about everything I’ve missed. And I mean everything. Don’t save your words.”

You laughed at her, nodding as you quietly started from the beginning: you’ve told her every bit she missed, and Seulgi told everything about herself, too. You ate your food with content, exchanging every single moment with her until hours had passed, and you’ve decided to return home.

And as you walked in the park together, the windy breeze calmed your soul, and with your love by your side, you felt much, much better.

As it should always be.

#red velvet #red velvet angst #red velvet imagines #kpop smut #kpop x reader #kang seulgi #red velvet seulgi #seulgi angst #kpop angst #seulgi x reader #seulgi x yn #red velvet x you #red velvet x reader #kpop x y/n #kpop x you #sol writes #sol’s works #seulgi smut #kang seulgi smut

[jellyishi3s]

Valeria headcanons (cuz I love her.)

TWS: talks of toxic parents/household, misogyny, talk of some sac-religious topics, drugs but nothing explicit, cartel related things, honestly nothing explicit but just talks of violence in general. Idk i think that’s it, I’m sorry if I’ve missed anything. If i did let me know!

I love this women so much lmao. Speaking of love lets talk about familial love and relationship. I’ve seen a lot of people say Valeria has daddy issues… she definitely does not lmao. No but it all honesty, she most definitely has mommy issues. Her and her mom, can never have a genuine conversation without getting into an argument, or they just act civil, which is usually just them ignoring their ever growing problems with each other. Alejandro mentioned Valeria having brothers briefly, now i don’t know how many she has but I’m assuming somewhere between two or three. She loves and hates them. Now pulling some information from my own family(extended) and patterns I see in my own community. Hispanic mothers tend to absolutely baby the men in the family, especially their sons, if they ask to go out on a school night they’ll usually say yes, even when they haven’t done their chores or are failing classes. But as a daughter… no. It’s a no. You’ll actually end up doing their chores and than be told you need to do better in school even though you only got a B. The double standards are crazy sometimes. And this most likely what contributed to Valeria’s strained relationship with her mom. Her relationship with her brother’s are good though, but they do piss her off, mainly because of that double standard. I think she’s either the second oldest or middle child. She loves her dad, and grandma. Daddy’s girl, I think her father definitely was the more laid back parent. He spoiled her and definitely was excited when her mom was pregnant, and they found out it was a girl. She loves her grandma, she sometimes wonders how such a sweet woman could make her mom. Her mom probably saw too much of herself in Valeria, but also so much of what she’s not.

Friends. Valeria to me, seems like she has one maybeee two, really close friends. She did really well in school, always excelled, loved the competition of it all. She did sports in school, probably looked up to her brothers and tried following in their footsteps, she did soccer (football), swim team, cross country, and did boxing even though her parents said it wasn’t lady like. Her best friend since like fourth grade, would come to all her sport meets. They were really close, they were in all the same classes up until high-school, they talked shit about their parents or kids at school, they skipped school, caused trouble; because I just know Valeria probably pranked one or two teachers but in very personal and targeted ways, she never got caught. Honestly her and her best friend, had a homoerotic friendship. Lmao.

I didn’t grow up in Mexico but I visited quite often as a kid, and it’s no surprise that most people there are very catholic. (It’s next too impossible to find tampons sometimes, and you can thank purity culture and religion for that.) Take that in mind. I don’t think she had internalized homophobia, but she genuinely thought of it as a phase of sorts… It was not a phase. Her and her best friend would kind of experiment together, they kissed, made out, lingering touches, but they never went further. Valeria, had kissed a few guys in high school, but when she kissed her friend, it felt right you know? Valeria at some point did fall in love with her best friend, she never admitted to herself until her best friend started dating some mediocre guy. She was low key hurt and honestly jealous. Said mediocre guy and her best friend got married a few years after they graduated high school. Valeria went to the wedding, and while she had convinced herself what they did was just dumb teenage experimentation, she felt very bitter sweet seeing her friend get married to this guy.

Speaking of relationship. Valeria probably dated quite a few guys, but none of them ever made her feel a real type of connection. She also didn’t like a lot of them because didn’t like her taking control, or being so ambitious. (I mentioned Valeria did good in school and was probably the more competitive type; adding onto that she definitely had a passion for politics, and the intricacies off it, I think she wanted to be a politicians, but I bet her mom and brothers kind of just wrote her off about it.) So the men she dated definitely didn’t like how she was so ambitious and dominate both in and outside their relationship and bed. She didn’t take shit from anyone and that included the guys she dated or slept with. if she wanted to be on top or the one in control in bed, and their egos were too fragile for that, she would leave them high dry. Honestly sex with men felt… okay to her. Like she definitely tried to be more submissive and try things they wanted to do… yeah she never finished. Also men’s ego’s and how they viewed her and women were a major deal breaker and turn off, the minuet a guy made misogynistic, comment, that relationship or date ended quick. Honestly for a long time she lied to herself, saying she likes men but just has high standards. Now Maria (Valeria’s actor) said Valeria and Alejandro definitely had something but she also stated she’s not sure if Valeria was in love with Alejandro or she hat plain likes women. Maria also stated the reason why Valeria betrayed the military and became an enforce for La Arana and than became El sin nombre, is because she was treated worse than her male counter parts in the military, so keep that in mind.

Alejandro. Honestly i think Valeria actually did like, or at the very least felt attracted to him. She definitely thought if she was going to date a guy it would be Alejandro. I think both of them had a thing for each other, it was kind of a this weird relationship that was a relationship but also wasn’t confirmed, type of thing. I think what happened was Alejandro seemed like this guy who respected Valeria and her ambitions, and she liked that, she liked how he didn’t mind letting her have control but at some point, Alejandro said or did something, that just reinforced that its really is all men. She wasn’t heartbroken, but she probably felt betrayed in a way. After Alejandro, I think she came to terms that she really just liked women. Her first time with a woman was early on, when she became an enforcer for La Arana. It was this other woman, one of few, and she didn’t really know how to go about asking or telling if she was also into woman. She was honesty and blunt, she straight up just asked the other woman “you into women?” And by Valeria’s surprise. She was and you know what happens from there. She was actually a little nervous to have sex with a woman, just because she never knew how two women did it and because she was coming to terms that she was a lesbian. Valeria’s a quick learner, so she kind of just watched a bunch of porn video’s to get an idea of what to do. After she left her hook ups place, she kind of had like that realization, that she really was attracted to women. Valeria also figured out what it was like to actually enjoy sex. Yeah she got around after that.

Military. Okay so like I stated before, Valeria was probably seen as less than, compared to her male colleagues. But also I think in general throughout her life she was seen as less than her brothers, her class mates, her boyfriends etc… I think she joined the military because it’s a stable job, it makes decent money, but I also think, Valeria thought the military would be about your skills, about your capabilities, she thought it had nothing to do with gender. Oh. Was she wrong. The misogyny, the machismo, the cat calling, the condensation. She tried ignoring it, and just tried to prove herself, but she probably learned pretty quickly, that some guy with half her skill and capabilities would surpass her. The time in the military actually altered her brain chemistry. She was never one for just taking shit from others, and that strengthened and solidified even more. She wasn’t scared to argue or to even get physical with a guy who made a remark. She was probably a little more… idk lenient? With higher commanding officers. But even than sometimes, they’d mansplain or be condescending towards her, she’d just passive aggressively smile at them. Her brothers are in the military and in a way I think, she wanted to prove to her mother she was just as good or better than her brother’s. But when she saw, that a man with half her qualifications were always advance quicker and higher than her, she became an enforcer. Now I’m not an expert on cartels, but cartels have nothing to do if you’re a woman or a man, its about how good at business and how much power you hold. Valeria liked that. She probably became something like a right hand man, or something of higher authority. Now I don’t know what happened for La Arana to essentially fall, but it was probably a mixture of poor business and a lot of paper trails or something. Valeria saw what happened and how it could’ve been prevented. It was most likely already a failing thing, with a mediocre past time. Valeria was steps ahead, she had a plan she ended up convincing most if not all of the enforcers and made a deal with the enforces that were apart of her military unit. She had a plan, she had everything figured out, and she already had people who were helping her build something better. She was smart and and calculating about it all, and that’s why she succeeded. But also I think one thing many look over is her capability to be cruel.

I think some people forget, just how cruel and violent cartels are. And maybe because, we saw Valeria just shoot and get it over with, so it doesn’t really register but… Unfortunately, she probably has done worse, and she needed too. There’s a few big cartels in Mexico, and if she wants to expand and have respect. She has to prove she’s just as unforgiving as them, so you know, interrogations, probably get a lot messier than what we saw with soap. I think to be able to do those things or to give the okay on t0rture, you definitely have to already have some sadistic tendencies. Like you don’t just randomly abandon a piece of your humanity or morals, that is something you have to accept or come to terms with before even acting on or doing. So Valeria probably had known, or come to terms that she could kill without much remorse. She’s not scared to get her hands dirty, and that’s why she has succeeded, that’s why the men who work for her respect and follow her. I think part of her cruelty is this need to prove and show, that she is better than them, and they can’t deny that. Cruelty is a necessity in cartels, and Valeria, understood that, and probably had little to no qualms about that aspect.

Valeria is honestly the epitome of “I support women’s rights and wrongs.”

Tattoos. Okay so Valeria’s tattoo’s actually tell you a lot about out her. Now I didn’t do super in depth research but this what I did find. So one is she believes/follows Santa Muerte. Which for those who don’t know is considered like the grim reaper, or lady of death. Now it’s not an official religion, or religious figure in Mexico, but she is still consider a saint or deity of sorts for those who believe. Santa mureata is kind of controversial, because many cartel members believe in her, and it gives her this kind of dark or cult like vibe. But like most religions, people have used her as a way of justifications of things or symbol for something that is not accordance to the religion. (Now my grandparents immigrated to the US from Sinaloa, and as a kid I would go there, and Sanata Murete is popular there. My family doesn’t believe in it, but I was taught about it and I’m kind of trying to remember so if I get anything wrong apologies.)

So Santa Muerte is not necessarily bad, she represents the acceptance of death, but also to bless you from dying a painful or violent death, wealth, good health, safe delivering to the after life, healing and probably more but I forget. Now while Santa Murete is often celebrated by those who are lgbtq, in sex work, or just had or have/had struggled throughout their life. Valeria might have it because it’s become some what of a symbol among cartels. Valeria has two Santa muerte tattoo’s, both of them have the initials KW on them, but I couldn’t find anything relating to that, so I’m assuming its an initial for name? Valeria also has a rose tattoo, with shackle on it, now, this is actually a popular tattoo among Russian prisoners. It represents someone who was either incarcerated before 18 and can symbolize rising up from oppressive forces or people. The general consensus I could find about the tattoo that it means to basically rise above oppression. She has a snake tattoo with a dagger stabbing it which can represent triumph, bravery, and over coming demons, or obstacles. She also has two scorpion tattoos, now scorpion’s can symbolize many things. In general they are a symbol of strength. Within Mexican and Cuban gangs and cartels, in particular, the tattoo indicates the wearer is a contract killer or enforcer. Valeria tattoo themes surround, overall strengthen, overcoming oppression or obstacles she has faced in her life. She most likely wears the Santa muerte tattoo as a form of worship in a way, but because she has initials combined with it, she might be of done in a memory of someone. Anyways she looks hot.

Alchol, she loves and hates it. Coming from a Hispanic household, and family in general, I have never met a Hispanic who doesn’t drink, unless they’re alcoholics and in recovery. So she probably drinks, but never to the point where she’s drunk. She likes really anything, but rarely drinks hard liquor though. Beer and wine she likes. Oddly loves cheap wine, and liquor but can’t stand cheap beer. She prefers Modelo’s, reminds her of how her dad would let her sip or try a little, when she was a teenager.

NSFW— I for the life of me can not see this woman, being submissive. Maybe she’ll let you top, but she’s in control, honestly will somehow edge you more than herself. Lmao. She gets off on seeing you cry tbh. I think she can be gentle and sweet and loving in bed, but that’s very intimate to her, so I think you’d have to be her lover. If you’re a random hook up, pfffttt… good luck, you‘ll feel sore, everywhere. Honestly into a lot of rough, and kinky things, she a sadist, and isn’t going to lie about it. Will do aftercare though, 100% even if you are some one night stand. She’s kind of quiet when she does aftercare with a hook up, but with her lover, she’s just going to casually, talk to you, about anything as she cleans you up rubs you with lotion.

She smells like vanillin and sandalwood, just naturally.

I think Valeria likes to dress more gender neutral, very, simple but expensive clothes she can replace. She doesn’t flaunt her money or spend it needlessly. She’s good with money in general. She does spend her money but within reason, and quietly. Probably more of an asset and stocks person.

I think her family knows what she does, but it’s not spoken about, they have very mixed feelings about it. Her mom actually showed her some semblance of actual concern for once. Valeria had VERY mixed feelings about that.

NSFW— one day at church (she’s catholic like canonly) Valeria and this one girl kept like looking at each other, you know where you stare at the person until they catch you looking? Yeah that. After mass, and everyone left, Valeria fucked her in the pews. Valeria had to regrets.

Valeria is honestly confused about how she feels about religion, despite practicing it since she was a kid. She believes in god but hates the church, but yet, still very much goes to church and practices Catholicism. She also knows she can’t atone for her sins but in some way it brings her peace and like some semblance of stability. But she also can’t stand the Catholic Church. She honestly doesn’t know how to feel about it, so she kind of just doesn’t think about it anymore.

Now, she doesn’t hate white people, but she definitely has mixed feelings towards them, since they’ll come to vacation in Mexico, or buy a vacation home for cheap, and than the start of gentrification starts. She has a particular mixed feelings towards white Americans, she knows not all of them believe in the whole build a wall and all Mexicans are criminals, thing, but.. she just can’t help but just feel kind of… annoyed? Not saying she wouldn’t have a white partner, but she definitely would want to know your views for sure.

Her opinions on cartels before she became who she was a grey area. Cartels to her are honestly just another way of making money. She knows how many workers are exploited in Mexico and the US, and for what? To take home maybe 200 dollars, if that, after a ten hour work day? To her drugs are honestly a long term business. For centuries, people have used drugs, of some sort. It makes money, and a lot of it. Now most cartels usually give back to the community, whether its simply a tactic or because they genuinely want to give back, they help the community. Now that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have it’s negatives, or consequences, and domino effect. So it was a mixed bag for Valeria, but she believed, a win is win.

Not everyone likes the cartel and she doesn’t blame them, she’s not the type to kill those who speak ill about her. Now wether you cause problems or not is different.

Had a emo phase in middle/high school

Loves painting her nails, and manicures, hates cuticles with a burning passion.

Had a crusty white dog growing, up. It died when she was in her early twenties, and she’s actually never had a dog since.

She was a weird kid growing up, like she was tomboyish but that’s not weird. She just liked being in the dirt by herself for HOURS, digging up worms or random insects.

She confused v@gina and p3nis. Like she thought her brother’s had v@gina’s and she had a p3nis. She thought this like up until she was 12. Lmao.

History nerd. Also watched Naruto, one piece, and sailor moon a lot growing up. Dressed up as Sasuke one year for Halloween.

Selena, Menudo, and Juan Gabriel. We’re her favorite artist to listen to growing up. Had a crush on Selena and Beyoncé.

Valeria is tough, she can take a hit, she can fight. She was in the military, and a cartel boss, she’s seen something’s, and been through something’s. But she swears to god, nothing gives her more trauma or anxiety than those bounce houses. She was fighting for her life at family gatherings and all the parents did were laugh it off. This is just for some reason a universal experience for Hispanic and Latino children, I literally can not tell you why.

Hitched hiked once.

Has a weird fear of deer?

Her dad keeps her graduation picture in his wallet.

At her communion she drank too much wine, and had to swallow her vomit because of how bad it tasted to her. Also she received ten rosaries, three cross necklaces, two pairs of cross earrings and a cross bracelet. She has them all still.

Had a pet hamster, treated him like it was her child. Named him Julio because she got him in July… Julio is July in Spanish. She was a funny kid growing up.

Wants to get married but doesn’t really want kids. If you really want kids, she’d consider, but she also would have to think about giving the cartel over to someone else. She’s honestly wouldn’t want her child involved or even connected to the cartel so she’d probably leave if you guys decided to have children. Also, its a no to pregnancy for her.

She won’t admit it, but she has very low standards when it comes to women. She just likes women. I think she does prefer chubby girls though, and I’m not saying like oh you have a little tummy, no she like big women, she can’t explain it, she just likes ya’ll. But that doesn’t mean she’s not attracted to other body types, she loves all women bodies, she kind of has this artist and muse thing when she sees women’s bodies.

Valeria watches soap operas with her grandma still.

Omfg this was so long??? Lmao I’m so sorry. Also I’m still trying to figure out my theme and how to do everything so forgive me if it looks ugly. Also pleas forgive my grammar, and punctuation mistakes, English is my first language and I am a disappointment to many English teachers across the world. Funny enough English is my best subject and I have a 98 in my class, so I’m just a contradiction. -jelly 🪼

#cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod mwii #cod mw3 #valeria cod #valeria garza #valeria x reader #valeria mw2 #call of duty valeria #valeria headcanons #valeria x you

[serenawitchwriter]

BNHA Fusion (LOV/Deku)

shigideku

oh boy

both have been deeply wronged by society

unstable but also instantly aware that they’re more compatible than either is comfortable with

insane, muttering, constantly arguing with them-self

black curls that’s longer the deku’s hair normally is. scarred so badly. but decent skin. eye bags, big green eyes. Mikumo vibes

twitchy hands, will scratch anywhere, plays with lip, constantly writing. hands are never still

wears one fingered gloved so he doesn’t decay everything constantly

a genius, master of planning and deconstruction. take the moral limiters of izuku and he could end any hero quirkless

has a level of morality but it’s hard to define. totally down for crime most of the time, loves fighting, but doesn’t target kids or civilians. has a lot clearer motives than shigaraki did alone

they are gonna take down the government probably

daddy issues x2

laughs like a crazy person, wide scary smile

traumatized, ptsd, anxiety, dissociates, ocd. babe has a lot of mental illnesses

plays video games to calm down

loves homemade food

a loner

paranoid

quirk is just... oof. like a nuke going off basically. so fucking destructive, and you know they know how to use it

hates everyone including them-self

self aware of their situation. recognized that they’re being used and targeted and manipulated. on both ends. Shigi sees how he’s being used by afo, Izu sees how the adults in his life have failed him

honestly kinda baby, they need fucking love

hero students and lov members would put aside differences to help them honestly. the world wouldn’t be okay with it, but their friends are loyal

not quite a villain anymore, but definitely not a hero. constantly has internal conflict over this. like they don’t want to give up on hero dreams times 2 but also recognize how utterly fucked society is and wants to tear it down. they’re so full of hate, but want to maintain hope just out of spite at this point

whatever the hell they’re doing they’re not giving up on it

has the power to reshape society and is going to fucking use it

i don’t need to tell you that they’re fucking terrifying

togodeku

obsessive x2

love heroes x2

long curly green hair worn in twin pony tails, 

short, decent sized chest, big red eyes, and a smile that’s too big. fangs. freckles. 

muscular but in a compact way

more stable than they should be

loves themselves.

in love with uraraka, but gets crushes on everyone else extremely easily. ura is their forever girl though

loves making and consuming fan content. a fangirl to a scary degree

an all might stan

naturally, also loves k-pop

no fashion sense, they wish they had it, but they don’t. probably just wearing t-shirts and jeans most of the time. is still kinda hot, but isn’t doing anything to play it up

will hunt you for sport

incredibly fast, loves running and chasing in general

bunny themed outfit still

changing into others is one of their passions. izu lowkey loves this quirk. they’re experts at mimicking others. izuku’s analysis skills makes them too good at this

feral x2

honestly just here for the lols

still wants to be a hero, but isn’t doing a good job of it

easily distracted

probably knits for some reason?

makes gifts for friends and crushes

way more dangerous than they’re letting on. too many people are underestimating them

cute as a button

dabideku

daddy issue x2

bitter as hell

black and white hair, curly. darker at the roots. 

keeps dabi’s scars. green eyes. tall and muscular, lots of piercings. most of Izuku’s details are lost in the scaring

coffee addict

self centered, has a lot of enemies. including endeavor and bakugou, and every middle school bully.

more empathetic though, can have friends and value them, just don’t piss him off because he will hold lifelong grudges

very good at switching back and forth between scary and threatening to cute and innocent. usually the innocence is mocking but it can read as genuine

a good actor in general, but a terrible liar

quirk is not doing him any favors, still has the feedback, but flaming tentacles gives him more control over the fire itself

reads a lot of comic books

a hypocrite

likes to dramatically point at things while shouting

loves solving mysteries and kinda wants to go down a sherlock holmes or batman route

is not pulling that off, maybe jason todd vibes at best

high key just a dramatic dork that’s too good at murder

chaotic neutral to chaotic good

talks too much

good at pissing people off

kinda deserves to get the shit beaten out of him, and i feel like bakugou can pull it off

twicedeku

neurotic

they love their friends so much though

oblivious as hell

like a genius in observation and knowing stuff, but a dumbass at applying that knowledge

would make a good information broker if they could learn to shut the hell up

are they basically deadpool? kinda.

short green hair, cut close to their head

long face, covered in scars, tallish, looks like an adult

pouts and cries easily

smartass

talks to himself x2 god help us

overpowered with his quirk. god help us

laughs at his own jokes

always hungry

winks at the fourth wall

has many stims and hobbies, hands are litterally never not doing something. he’s the kind of person you’ll glance away from, turn back, and find juggling.

we’re talking cat’s craddle, rubix cubes, instruments, puzzles, tearing up candy wrappers, painting his nails, braiding friendship bracelets. he is never still

directionless. lacks motivation

internalizes criticism really easily, to the point that he gets depressed and struggles to act

indecisive to a clinical degree

probably has and anxiety disorder but refuses to acknowledge it

is pretty fucking baby. protect him

spindeku

lol what a nerd

fanboy x2

cries easily. izuku’s habit of crying does not decrease

ultimate ride or die

still a lizard, mohawk is green instead of pink

mixed feelings on stain

searching for the ultimate person to stan. all might stays in their heart, but they want to be edgier

absolutely uses a sword. not the dumb one that spinner uses but it is still a buster sword that’s too large for them. they’re strong enough to swing it around like nothing, i’m picturing cloud from final fantasy’s sword. again they’re really nerdy

disillusioned with society and heroes. both are marked by discrimination and have recognized the failure of heroes and government. aren’t as bitter but determined to do something

sassy but not quite sarcastic

gives really good advice. the friend you go to to have an emotional breakdown

considering pursuing psychology more for this reason. realizes he can use the skill to help a lot of people

isn’t willing to give up fighting or using his sword though. he has an aesthetic

would get along fantastically with tokoyami

also the friend that feeds you. can’t cook very well but always has something on him to give you when he notices you haven’t eaten in a long time.

loves bubble tea

social anxiety, if it weren’t for the fact that he already had friends and a mission, he probably wouldn’t leave the house

surprisingly close to shigaraki, enough of a gamer to play with him, and even gets away with calling him out

(i’m debating how comfortable i am with fusing kids with adults. it seems weird to me, especially the bigger the age difference)

(masterlist)

#fusion au #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #shigideku #togadeku #dabideku #twicedeku #kurideku #spindeku #shigaraki #dabi #twice #toga #serenawitchwriter

[thesolferino]

⤷ note: apologies for losing your request, anon, but thank you for requesting! this is my first time writing a full fic in second person, so bear with me, and i hope this is what you were looking for <3

The Great American Bake Off

pairing: corpse husband x gn!reader

word count: 3.6k

genre: fluff

summary: you’ve been jealous of rae and her closeness with your boyfriend since the dawn of time, but things change and friendships are made once she comes over for one hell of a cooking video.

Corpse, among many other things, was a man many wished to have.

It’s the truth; even if he didn’t have a YouTube channel through which millions kept up with everything from horror stories to Among Us gameplays, people would still turn heads and whisper whenever he spoke - that attention more than multiplied when he started blowing up and his social media presence grew.

With growth come numbers, and there are always people behind said numbers. Through them, Corpse makes wonderful friends - through them, you had met him, too. All the way back, during his horror narration days, you had grown to like him - really, who wouldn’t?

A DM you once sent after a few drinks, when you claimed to your friends you’d get the “deep-voiced man of your dreams” you often talked about and they, in turn, challenged you to message him, was nothing short of a joke and the idea of him responding was merely a pipe dream. What you hadn’t expected, however, was a response, which wrecked your brain at noon the next day, where your head throbbed with embarrassment, guilt, pride, happiness, a melt of hatred and gratefulness for your friends, panic and the remains of alcohol that tugged at every part of your skull.

It had turned out to be more than a great idea, though, because for the next few weeks you were constantly talking. You learned so much more than he let on in videos, and during late night calls you found out everything from his favorite clothing brand to his favorite color to his thoughts about his own mortality and then back to his favorite cereal. Audio calls and short voice messages turned into hours long FaceTimes that led you from friends to something more. And after a year or so of dating, you packed your bags and made it to sunny San Diego, ready to lay in his arms and sweat bullets.

Safe to say Corpse’s social media presence had its good sides. However, with all good things come bad things too, and you weren’t sure if the bad things were bad at all or you were simply too jealous.

Corpse made wonderful friends thanks to his YouTube channel. He met people he could confide in, meet, people he could talk to about his worst problems, people who would listen - he met people he could have fun with, with who he could forget all about the real world and his own issues, and simply laugh his heart away, play games until the late hours of the night.

If he had to name his closest ones, they would have to be Dave, Loey, maybe Mykie, possibly Jack, and Rae. And that is exactly where the root of the problem stood.

Rae is beautiful, and everyone who denies it must be either dumb or blind. She’s drop dead gorgeous, and funny, and kind, and smart, in a way that made you want to rip your hair out. You wanted to hate her so bad, because the jealousy ate away at you like a damn disease, but you couldn’t, because she was perfect Rae, and as much as you hated the fact she seemed to be perfect inside out, you just couldn’t hate her as her. It was impossible, you concluded.

You convinced yourself you weren’t jealous every time you heard him yelling or laughing at her from his office room - or at least you attempted to do so. Your lunch would turn sour and end up forgotten because you’d be way too focused on listening in on what he was doing and trying to make out what she was saying to even eat at the same pace you previously were. Jealousy ate away at you, no matter if you admitted it to yourself or not.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Corpse, of course. On one late night when you couldn’t sleep and neither could he, as per usual, you turned on a random comedy that you half-heartedly paid attention to, his fingers combing through the knots in your hair peacefully and the slow pace of the movie lulling you to sleep slowly. That is, before his phone rang and lit the mostly dark room. You managed to sneak a glance at the notification before he had, and the familiar bitterness seeped between your ribs as always upon seeing the name displayed at the top of the message, more than awake now.

You visibly stiffened when he laughed at the message and typed something back, shifting your head in his lap as some subconscious attempt at getting him to pay attention to you instead. He put his phone down and you huffed, eyes locked on the TV screen as you pretended to be extremely absorbed in the movie even though you weren’t quite sure of the difference between the protagonist and antagonist anymore. His hands didn’t return to your hair, and that somehow made you even more annoyed.

“What’s up?” Corpse quietly spoke up, barely over the volume over the already quiet movie.

“Nothing.” You said, quicker than you wanted to, and you bit your tongue in cringe when you realised it was an awful lie. Corpse seemed to think the same.

“That’s bullshit. Seriously, what’s wrong?” He asked, and was met with pure silence. In reality, you were hoping he’d simply never realise you were somewhat jealous, because you knew you were being stupid and unreasonable, but you couldn’t help wanting him all to yourself. Admitting it out loud made it so much more real, and so much more embarrassing that you would rather bury yourself alive than admit to being jealous of Rae, of all people.

After a few seconds of silence, save the laughter of characters on screen, he spoke again.

“Are you jealous?” The hint of a teasing tone in his voice made you want to rip your hair out of your skull. Was it really that damn hard to believe that yes, you were jealous of an extremely close friend of his? Was it a crime?

The clenching of your jaw seemed to give Corpse enough of a response, and his hands returned to running themselves through your hair as he giggled to himself. 

“What’s so damn funny?” You borderline spat, causing his movements to halt for a second before continuing with even louder laughter.

“I don’t know, just the idea of you being jealous of Rae is so funny. I’ve noticed the way you roll your eyes whenever I text her in front of you. You’re not exactly sneaky, you know?” His words made blood rush straight to your face, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. How long has he known this for?

“Sorry. I don’t…” you exhaled and attempted to smile. “I don’t know what’s up with me. I’m so jealous nowadays. I don’t even know why.”

“There’s enough of me to share with everyone, no worries baby.” he replied, teasing tone still yet to dissipate as you slap his knee in mock offense and he starts wheezing.

“Absolutely not! Fucking excuse you, I’m not sharing with anyone!” you gaped at him as he kept laughing.

That was the end of it - or at least Corpse thought so. Needless to say, he was wrong.

Your mood would instantly turn sour whenever he’d laugh at one of her messages, and you attempted to push down every eye roll whenever he’d sit on his phone, between your legs, back turned to you so you could see everything, and open Rae’s DMs again. Sometimes you managed, sometimes you couldn’t help it, but you did your best to do it whenever he wasn’t looking. Because you truly knew you were being unreasonable, especially whenever you have to relay situations like how he had to postpone a date one time because Rae asked him to play Rust for a bit longer and you almost ripped all your hair out of your skull in frustration back to your best friend who just turned Rae and Corpse into the villains in the situation because that’s what best friends are supposed to do.

Not like he was going out of his way to talk to her a concerning amount, they mostly talked in groupchats and on streams and that was only a few times weekly, but it did absolutely nothing to calm the green monster growing stronger in you every day, fed by every laugh she got out of him.

The green monster fucking loved it when Corpse excitedly announced to you that he’s finally meeting his friends for the first time, and by friends meaning Rae, Sykkuno and Karl. You, however… were far from impressed.

He paced around the room in excitement, a mix of obvious anxiety and joy evident on his face, and he fiddled with the strings of his hoodie with shaky hands as he very proudly announced that he would be the second tallest person in the room through a blinding, pearly grin, and seeing him so electrified couldn’t help but make you shut your jealous thoughts up, even if just for a little bit, and mirror his grin back to him.

What did, however, make you as anxious as him was when he announced they’d a) be coming to your shared apartment and b) making a cooking video - it sent you into a panicked mom mode as you dusted every corner of every room and vacuumed everything from the kitchen to the balcony and Corpse did nothing but record you as you anxiously rambled and laugh at you from his place on your bed.

When the dreaded Saturday finally came, and the first person to arrive, Sykkuno, rang your doorbell, you squeezed Corpse’s hand to stop him from nervously toying with his rings and opened the door, and you greeted the man like he was your own brother and not a person you’d seen probably a total of three times through the computer screen and someone who’s seen you maybe two times, from the pictures Corpse sent him, in your best attempt to make both of them more comfortable. It actually kind of worked - turns out Sykkuno is a pretty affectionate guy, too, and a conversation started as soon as he stepped in. Corpse gave you a look when you pulled away from Sykkuno’s half-hug, and you almost laughed out loud at the irony when his phone lit up with a notification from Rae announcing she was almost there at that exact moment.

She had kept true to her word; ten minutes or so later, another ring was heard and you gestured to Corpse to open it this time as you gave Sykkuno his cup of water and resisted any and every urge to roll your eyes or do something otherwise bitchy and stupid. Corpse did as told, and you watched them hug and listened to Rae squeal in excitement through the open door of the living room and decided to plaster a smile on your face for as long as you could muster before you remove yourself from the situation when they start filming.

Unfortunately for you, the first person she locked eyes with was exactly you, and they lit up an even prettier brown (if that was even possible) as she beelined to you and you barely got a greeting out before she engulfed you in a large hug, arms wrapping around your neck as she swayed both of you side to side.

“Oh my God, you must be Y/N! I’ve heard so much about you, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” Rae cheered into your ear before she finally pulled back, before shooting an infectious grin at you that you couldn’t help but return back.

“All good things, I hope.” you chuckled as she moved to greeting Sykkuno, and nodded her head with an enthusiastic giggle of her own. You eyed Corpse for a second who simply leaned against the door frame, watching the whole thing unfold with somewhat of a proud smile on his face, before Rae turned back to you and your attention was on her again.

“Of course! Corpse is very much a simp for you, you know that?” She said and both you and Corpse laughed, especially him, who nodded his head in agreement as she sat back down, still beaming at you.

“Well, I’m happy to hear that.” you respond before turning back to Corpse. “Where’s Karl at?”

“He’ll be here in half an hour or so, he only landed recently.” he said. You nodded and moved to sit on a nearby chair to leave space for the guests on the couch.

Karl ended up arriving in twenty minutes and apprised everyone of the information that “his taxi driver is a psycho that, apparently, doesn’t fear stop signs or the police” before setting up the camera in your kitchen and tried his best to attach lapel mics on everybody (admittedly, it took way longer than it should’ve, but he eventually managed and that counted as a win in his book). You reluctantly agreed to be the judge of the finished product when they’re done cooking, and Karl was there for the purposes of being a cameraman and making jokes off screen so he agreed too, albeit way more enthusiastically than you.

The two of you sat behind the camera as the three of them lined up, Corpse wearing a mask and his signature eyepatch (that he didn’t really need, but those two did their job in preserving his privacy) and introduced what they were doing. Corpse was obviously very anxious, hands fidgeting constantly and shivering like a dog after a bath despite the hoodie he was wearing in 100 degree weather because of the shower of sweat that was now drying on his body, and that was partly why you were there, supportive smiles, encouraging cheers and all.

They were making Mexican ground beef tacos, and despite knowing Corpse can barely make a sandwich without setting at least two dishes on fire, you still cheered him on proudly and repeated he was part Mexican himself roughly 5 times a minute, claiming he was going to kill it.

“Kill it? More like kill one of us- CORPSE watch what you’re doing with that fucking knife! You’re proving my point!” Rae yelled at him as he giggled in delight, watching the woman gape at him in pure horror and Sykkuno watch his movements completely entranced as he played with the knife in his hands.

“You’re just mad that he’s going to make tacos fifty times better than you.” you said to Rae, chewing down on some M&Ms that Karl and you shared (both of you decided on a genius plan - you’re going to eat the whole bag before they’re done with cooking so you can claim you’re full and therefore can’t eat the atrocity that will most likely be the tacos).

“Don’t gas me up like that, Y/N, you are well aware I’m shit at cooking. Expect absolutely nothing from me.” he replied over the sizzling of the meat on the pan, throwing a whole spoonful of chili powder into it, earning loud yelling and scolding from your side and loud laughter from Rae.

“HALF A TEASPOON! Half a teaspoon, how have you not remembered this already?! We’ve made tacos a million times now, oh my God, you’re actually stupid.” you yelled at him, arms flailing in the direction of the seasoning to emphasise your ‘half a teaspoon’ point as Rae doubled over in laughter and Sykkuno looked into the pan with a concerned and somewhat afraid look. Just as he peeked in, the overwhelming smell of chili powder started biting away at his eyes, and he jumped away with a yelp.

“Jesus, Corpse!” he exclaimed, rubbing his eyes with his forearm as the whole room burst into laughter and Corpse suspiciously inspected his beef.

“What were you saying about your ‘Mexican king’, Y/N?” Rae asked, pulling out a few tortillas and putting them on the table. You huffed, grabbing another handful of M&Ms.

“Giving him up to God. He’s the only one who can help, at this point.” you said. She giggled in response and Corpse let out some sort of protesting sound and waved his knife around in complaint. “I don’t know who this man is. He broke into my kitchen and now I’m here.”

“Hey, I pay half of your rent!” he said, and you were about to reply but Rae dropped her meat into a pan full of overheated oil, and a loud hiss and some sort of a scream overtook the room as a cloud of steam shot into the air and she frantically looked around for the wooden spoon so the meat wouldn’t stick to the pan. You simply sat and laughed, eating the candy like it was popcorn and you were watching a shitty cooking show - it wasn’t that far from reality, really.

“Um, I just realised I don’t make many tacos, actually.” she said as she helplessly stirred the meat, turning to you with pleading eyes. “What seasoning even goes into this? Y/N, will you help me? Let’s team up against Corpse!”

You tilted your head in thought, but before you could even speak, Corpse spoke up.

“That’s not fucking fair, that’s-that’s against the rules.” he turned to you. “You won’t betray me, right?”

You laughed at him, adjusting in your seat. “I gave up on you ever since you added, like, 3 kilos of seasoning into the meat for no reason.” then you turned to Rae. “Sure, let’s do it, babe.”

Their loud yelling immediately started mixing, Rae’s cheers contrasting Corpse’s protesting. She stuck her tongue out at him meanwhile Corpse shot her the middle finger, and she turned back to you with a grin.

“Alright, what do I put in?”

Roughly twenty unnecessary and extremely long minutes later, the tacos were done, two each for each of them. Rae’s looked the best - probably because you guided her through the whole thing - next to Sykkuno’s, whose you were genuinely intrigued to try. While Corpse was arguing with Rae, he burned roughly half of his already ruined beef, and Karl made the very nice observation that it looked like a bird shat in a tortilla, which you proclaimed as the highlight of the video.

Since you and Karl claimed you were full, the three of them simply swapped tacos between each other as to be unbiased, and the two of you watched in amused suspense. You were actually quite interested to see what the end results were - you were first anxious and quite annoyed you even had to participate in the first place, because it meant losing your mind from jealousy, watching Corpse and Rae giggle and act all domestic while cooking, but jealousy simply dissipated somewhere half through the video as you watched the three argue if cheddar cheese belonged on tacos or not and Rae laugh at every stupid joke you cracked. Now, you sat, fully immersed as you stared at Sykkuno’s face; the poor guy ended up with the misfortune of having to try Corpse’s taco first.

“Zoom in, zoom in!” you whispered into Karl’s ear who complied and zoomed into Sykkuno’s face. He bit into the taco, chewing for a second before his face twisted in disgust and you began wheezing when he grabbed a tissue and spit it out, immediately grabbing his glass of water. Rae laughed at him as well, mouth full of his one, which she claimed she actually liked but it wasn’t as good as the “Y/NRae-co” as she proudly called it. Corpse silently ate Rae’s taco and refused to give a review on it because he was upset he got defeated, but the fact that he scarfed down the whole thing in a minute or so was enough of a review.

“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad.” Corpse exclaimed when he saw Sykkuno’s bite in the tissue, grabbing the second taco he made and biting down on it. The whole room burst into laughter when he roughly swallowed, tears obvious in the one eye that showed, because of the overly spicy beef.

“What are you motherfuckers laughing at? It’s not that bad, I stand by tacorpse.”

“Tacorpse is actually genius. The one good thing you came up with during the entirety of this video.” Rae said and Corpse mumbled a fuck you in response.

“Well, I think we can all agree that me and Y/N’s taco was clearly the best.” she said, clasping her hands together.

“I actually think mine was better.” Sykkuno said, to which she pushed his plate out of the frame.

“Nobody asked you anything.”

“Don’t bully Sykkuno, I’ll fucking kick you out.”

“Oh yeah? I’m pretty sure Y/N would kick you out before they’d let you kick me!” Rae said, accusingly pointing her taco in Corpse’s direction.

“Alright, let’s wrap up the video.” Karl laughed behind the camera, and the three of them all turned to properly face it and end the video.

“Thank you all so much for watching, this has been an… interesting video, to say the least. Uh, thank you to Karl for filming this whole disaster, thank you to Corpse,” Rae gestured in his direction, “for lending us his kitchen, thank you to Sykkuno for probably getting us more views on this video, and also a big thank you to Y/N, Corpse’s better half for making this video way more interesting and helping me make probably, like, the best taco I’ve ever made.” she grinned and you shoved a peace sign in front of the camera.

“If you liked this video, check out Sykkuno and Corpse’s channels, they will be linked down below, and please click like and subscribe to support the channel! Again, thank you all for watching, see you later, bye!” she finished, and with that, Karl turned the camera off.

Silence engulfed the room. You sighed.

“Alright, who’s gonna clean this shit up?”

#corpse husband x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband x you #corpse husband x female reader #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband fluff

[christ0pher-evans]

Bewildered Heart

Part Three of the Shattered Heart Mini-Series

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: SMUT 18+ / Angst / Cheating / Arguing / Mentions of Divorce Word Count: 3.4k A/N: omg I finally made it to part three! I know a lot of you have been waiting a while for this so I really really appreciate your patience and support, it means the world to me!! Let me know all your thoughts and feelings! X Please reblog and like🖤

Part One: Shattered Heart Part Two: Troubled Heart 

  ♡

As soon as you put the phone down, you were frustrated that you didn’t tell Chris that you loved him; of course you did. Nothing he could do would make you not love him, you committed your life to him and he was your husband, obviously you’d always love him. And then you realised, there is no shame in that. Even though he cheated on you, even though he broke your heart, there would always be love between you, forever and that was okay. 

The clarity in your rationalised epiphany put your mind at ease. You knew that you were heading into this conversation with Chris with a clear mind, you knew you wanted to try and solve your issues without fighting, without causing a scene. 

Taking a deep breath, you began to brew a pot of coffee as you heard keys unlocking your front door. 

You turned around, and there he was. Standing at the other side of the breakfast bar, looking as handsome as ever, wedding band reflecting the sun coming through the patio doors. You subconsciously play with your own wedding ring, feeling an odd sense of relief knowing neither of you had taken them off. 

“Hi..” you breathe out, surprisingly happy to see him. 

Chris shuffled closer to you, blatantly nervous but wanting to be near you. You were apprehensive but didn’t stop him as he leaned in and kissed your cheek tenderly, hand delicately touching your waist. 

Breath hitching in your throat at the titillating contact, you move away abruptly, unnerved by the arousing thoughts that enthralled your mind. Busying yourself with pouring two mugs of coffee, Chris sits at the breakfast bar waiting for you. 

You sit opposite him, passing him a coffee as he mutters a thanks. His voice is gruff, as if he hasn’t spoken to anyone in two weeks and that’s when you notice he looks a little gaunt. Dark circles under his eyes and slightly scruffy hair adding to the look that insinuates he hasn’t been sleeping well. Your heart falters marginally, just purely because you hate seeing him like this, no matter the situation. That is what you tell yourself anyway, silently commanding yourself to not feel guilty for these circumstances, Chris has bought this all on himself. 

Even as you tell yourself that, you hate how it sounds. That’s not you. You’re sympathetic and caring, and you love Chris, you shouldn’t want to see him punishing himself but that seems to be what he has done to you without even knowing; he has turned you into a nasty character. 

Having an internal fight with yourself, you want to make small talk but you just can’t, you don’t have it in you to be civil and act nonchalant when there is a dark cloud looming over your marriage. Life is too short to dance around a conversation this important. 

“So, um, I’m not going to dance around this because I’ve had two weeks to really digest what’s happened and think about what it means for us, for our marriage..”

Chris takes a sip from his coffee and looks at you, eyes boring into yours like you’re literally holding his heart in your hands, ready to mend it or crush it. 

“I’m angry Chris. I’m really angry because even on my darkest days, when I was feeling like our marriage was falling apart, when I was feeling so alone; I never ever thought about kissing someone else. You have always been my only choice, yet you chose someone else?” It sounds like you’re asking him but in reality, you know he already chose someone else over you. 

Your voice was shaky, tears already threatening to spill down onto your cheeks but you revel in how freeing it feels to tell Chris exactly what you are feeling. Your emotions finally organised enough to speak your truth. 

Chris stays quiet, clearly knowing you well enough to know that you need to carry on telling him how you feel. 

“..And I’m fucking sad Chris! All I keep thinking about is how, for the past year, I’ve been sacrificing my time to follow you around the world, sacrificing my happiness to spend minuscule amounts of time fighting for our marriage and you just came to expect it from me. You kept work as your number one priority and let me fall into second place, even when it jeopardised my happiness.” 

“That was never my intention Y/N! I never wanted or want you to feel like that. Your happiness is so important to me, I promise it will never happen again!” 

“Chris, you threw our marriage away. Like it was disposable and we could just be two friends living together, like we didn’t promise to spend our lives together. You can’t pretend like it’s going to be okay moving forward, because what if I don’t want to move forward?” 

Your breath caught in your throat as your words hovered in the air. You knew that was serious statement to blurt out but you knew that you unintentionally meant it otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. This conversation was going to be full of hard truths and you knew this wasn’t a time to hold back, your marriage was at stake. 

“Baby, you don’t mean that? Of course you want to move on, we both do. Put this behind us!” You could hear the panic in Chris’ voice. 

“How can you say that? How can you say you want to move forward and you want me to move forward when you’re the reason its crumbling in the first place? You put us in this mess! You still have to see this woman every day, how do we move past that?” 

You felt sick to your stomach. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with Chris, especially not once you said your vows. You had made promises and a bond that could never be broken yet here you were, trying to hold the pieces together. 

“Chris, you told me you’d love and cherish me forever, you told me that on our wedding day. I told you that you were it for me, and you said it back to me, you-“, your voice broke as the tears started to fall, no longer being able to stay strong. 

After your tears had subsided, you sniffed and dried your eyes, determined to raise your points. 

“And you.. you said it back to me Chris. You told me I was your number one always, that I was your endgame, forever, infinitely yours. Yet, here I am, wondering why I’m second best to another woman.”

You exhale with force as you begin to feel slightly lighter after getting that off your chest. It definitely doesn’t feel good to admit that you’re not sure if your marriage has a future but you know you have to be truthful. Having so much more to say, you bite your lip to control your word vomit, knowing this is a conversation and not a speech; Chris needs to be allowed to say his piece too. Awaiting his response, you shudder as he reaches out and takes your hands in his. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, you are my number one. That hasn’t changed, it never will. I love you. I married you because I want you, you have all of me, always.” He squeezes your hand tighter, putting emphasis on his words but also emphasis on his grip, subconsciously telling you not to let go. 

“I know I sound like a broken fucking record sweetheart, but I am so sorry I kissed someone else, it was dumb, so fucking dumb and I can’t explain why I did it. I was just so lonely, so detached from you that I craved comfort.” 

“I was fucking lonely too Chris! How do you think I felt when you were at work all the time surrounded by hundreds of people whilst I was sat at home alone trying to think of ways to save our marriage!” You snapped, yelling loud. 

Chris sighed, releasing your hands and raising his own in defence. 

“Sorry, I.. I didn’t mean it like that. I understand that you were lonely and I was too, we have to respect that we both felt the same but dealt with it very differently. But baby, I could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people at work but it would make no difference to me because they weren’t you.”

Knowing Chris was coming from a sweet place, you took a deep breath, needing a minute to collect your emotions before speaking. 

“I’m sorry I snapped but it feels like we are going in circles Chris, it’s de ja vu from last year. When I told you how I was feeling, you just dismissed it to make the problems disappear but that’s not how this works. Solving our problems means we have to talk about them..” You could feel yourself getting emotional, working yourself back up into an exasperated state. “..but when you tell me that you feel really lonely because I’m not with you, why is your first though not to come home to me? Why did you continue to go out and kiss another woman? It clearly wasn’t that fucking lonely for you!” 

You rolled your eyes dramatically. Feeling this overwhelming satisfaction with your vicious snipes, you knew this would quickly become a fight. The communication barrier was shattered and you had become spiteful, and it was only a matter of time before Chris followed suit.

Chris stood up, cursing angrily as the legs from the stool scraped against the wood flooring. Throwing his hands up in disgust, he scoffed. 

“Argh seriously Y/N? What did you just say about not dismissing one another’s feeling?! And here you are, telling me I can’t be lonely because I kissed someone else! Me feeling lonely is the exact fucking reason I did it in the first place!!”

Chris was shouting now, his voice bellowing throughout your marital home. You stayed sitting as the anger poured from his body, feeling equally as bitter. 

“So am I meant to assume that every time you feel lonely now, that you’re going to go and kiss another woman? Soon, when you’re feeling really lonely you’ll be fucking someone else! We are married Chris! Shit, I’m meant to be your wife, I’m meant to be the one you kiss and fuck! How would you like it if I went and kissed someone at work because I was sad?” You sneered, desperate to get under his skin now. 

“Don’t be so ridiculous, I told you it was a mistake, a one-off! It’ll never happen again! We can sort this out!”

As both your words became more heinous, you couldn’t control yourself. The fact that Chris was now trying to sort out the problems that you’ve been trying to fix for a year just because he got caught out, was diabolical. He had fucked up and was paying the price and he couldn’t handle that. He was coming across like the victim and it was making you queasy.

“Are you fucking serious Chris!! I have been trying to sort out these problems for the past year and you’ve been having none of it, telling me that we are fine and the tough time would pass. Yet here we are..” 

You hated what you were about to say but with the anger coursing through your veins, you couldn’t stop yourself. 

“..Here we are, teetering on the edge of a fucking divorce because you couldn’t stay loyal to your own wife, because you couldn’t be a decent husband, a decent fucking human being and care about someone else but yourself!!”

The words hung in the air like someone had screamed bloody murder. 

Without even realising, you had stood up and was now opposite Chris, chest heaving after spitting such venom in his face. Chris was staring at you like you had unleashed a monster, a raging devil that you had been hiding for a while. 

You looked at him, eyes heavy and chest thumping. You bit your lip; terrified of your confession but power hungry from the buzz that being brutally honestly had given you. 

Chris only raked his eyes over your body once before he was stalking towards you, pushing and pinning you against the counter, left hand instinctively wrapping around your throat, eyes dark with lust and desire. 

Growling in a low, fierce tone, he muttered, “I’ve fucking cared for you every damn day of our marriage, I’ll never stop fucking caring for you because you are my wife. Mine. And I’ll never touch another woman again, because this..” He pauses to grind his cloth covered cock against you. “..this is too fucking good to give up.” 

With those words snarled into existence, his lips were on yours. Ravishing you like water in a drought, starved of what he wants, what he owns. And in a really twisted way, you loved it. You were craving his dominance, his power to control you with his touch. No matter what happened, you would always surrender to him because you needed him, you wanted him. 

You couldn’t help but whimper as Chris’s hand moved from your throat and travelled down to your hip, leaving a burning path over your breasts and down your stomach in his wake. 

“Look at my pretty wife, all desperate for me.” Chris smirked as he trailed kisses all over your neck, pining you harder against the counter to control your squirming. You were ravenous for Chris and you were absolutely fed up of trying to hide it. 

He pulled your dress over you in one swift movement, leaving you in just your panties. You looked back up at Chris with lust filled eyes whilst his own eye fucked your now almost naked body. 

You couldn’t wait any longer whilst he enjoyed the view, you were too desperate for him. 

“Chris, please..” you begged.

Your lips crashed back together furiously, teeth and tongues clashing instantly. Chris continued to assert dominance, lifting you up onto the counter easily and thrusting two fingers inside of you; eager to watch you submit your body to him. You gripped onto his shoulders as he held you up with one arm on the surface, still kissing him like your life depended on it. 

But suddenly, it felt like it wasn’t enough, you needed to be closer to Chris, you needed to feel closer to Chris. Starting to fumble with his jeans, you knew what you wanted. It only took Chris a few seconds to realise your desires and he was clearly more than happy to comply, allowing you to undo his jeans and push them down far enough to pull him free from his boxers. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, your core tightening around his fingers at the feeling you knew was coming. 

He pulled his fingers out of your core, bringing them to his lips and licking them clean. Your stomach flipped at the view in front of you but your core ached to feel him inside of you again. 

“Two weeks without tasting you is far too long baby girl..” 

You groan before he smacks his lips against back against your own, even more turned on at the thought of tasting yourself on his lips. 

Chris pulled back sharply, grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of your head and forcing you to look down between you both whilst the other hand guided himself to your entrance. Chris was already fully hard, ready and waiting for this moment, this feeling. 

“I want you to watch baby. I want you to see me taking what’s mine. I want you to remember that there is no one else that can make you feel this good, remember that no one else can satisfy me like you do. This is mine, you’re mine and I’m taking it back.” 

You felt weak under the spell Chris was casting on you. Hanging off of his every word, you felt like the twenty-something girl that met Chris all those years ago, giddy at your obsession with one another. Giddy with the feeling of being happy and in love. 

Chris pushed into you. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of him stretching you open, pushing himself further and further into you until you had swallowed him whole. Your mind reeling at the feeling you’d missed so badly. 

Immediately picking up the pace, Chris was thrusting into you harshly, hitting the spot that only he could find. Your kisses were sloppy, rushed and desperate as he kept up his relentless pace. 

You knew this wouldn’t last long; the culmination of passion, urgency and anger fuelling the fire you were feeling that you had been craving for two weeks now. The desperation of needing to feel your husbands touch was intense, but neither of you wanted it to last long. It was clear this wasn’t about love or reconciliation, this was about need and ownership; proving that you only belonged to one another, no matter what happened. This was a reminder of that feeling, to anchor yourselves together again. 

As Chris maintained his toe-curling pace, your fingers fumbled down to your clit, clumsily dancing over the sensitive bud and adding to your already overwhelming pleasure. 

Chris looked at you before spitting a splurge of saliva down onto your clit, moistening the area against the touch of your fingers. As it dripped through your fingers and over your clit and core, you were fiercely encompassed with your desire for this man. This sex was filthy, messy and downright the sexiest fuck you’d ever had together. 

As you looked back up at Chris, panting heavily from your arousal, you kissed him lewdly. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, you pulled it in between your teeth; drawing out his own chokes of pleasure. 

Chris was close, you knew he was but so were you. The feeling of powerlessness washed over you as your orgasm began to build. Chris was in complete control of your body, clawing to pull every inch of pleasure to the surface before he let you cum. His thrusts became erratic, pushing you further than ever before as your body started to tremble. 

“Chris, please..”, you begged again. 

“I told you this was too good to give up baby girl! Take it, take all of me!” 

With your legs trembling, you gripped Chris’s biceps tightly, nail marks cutting into his perfect skin as your orgasm shot through you. Chris grunted a ‘good girl’ as you came and his thrusts faltered, his own orgasm jolting through his body. 

You stayed there, heads resting together and chests heaving, the only sounds filling the room was your dizzying panting.

Slowly, as your head returns from the clouds, you realise what you’ve done. The repercussions of having sex with Chris amongst this mess was only going to complicate things further. How do you tell Chris that you might want a divorce after doing that with him? How do you make an educated decision with that playing on your mind? This man consumes you, his love consumes you and you never want to lose it but are you just love-drunk, not seeing the bigger picture? 

Chris brings you back to reality, helping you down off the violated countertop. You quickly redress, never giving Chris eye contact and staying silent. Your head spinning from the last hour; from arguing and screaming to fucking on the kitchen counter. 

“Sweetheart, are you alright?” Chris says sheepishly. 

You look at him and shake your head, muttering a ‘no’. 

“Look Y/N, I know we said a lot of things we didn’t mean-”

“Chris, stop..” you cut him off, “I meant everything I said. This isn’t something we can dodge, we have to be truthful, our marriage is on the line and I really don’t think you understand that?” 

“But.. I- We just..” Completely at a loss for words, Chris stays quiet. 

“I think you should leave Chris.” You whisper as yet another tear falls from your eyes. 

Chris just nods his head, noticeably shocked by your words. He quickly kisses your cheek before hurrying out the door. As soon as the door shuts, you collapse onto the wood floor. Feeling Chris over every part of you, you feel even more confused than earlier. Your mind and body clearly want Chris, so why isn’t it that easy for your heart to make that decision? 

 ♡ Final Part: Healed Heart

Forever Tags: @itsscottiesstark @patzammit @partypoison00 @cynic-spirit @n3ssm0nique @sohoseb @madbaddic7ed @moonlacebeam@ilovetheeagles @beautifulrose0809 @lovelyladymayyy@tenaciousperfectionunknown @mysticapples17 @whxre4cevans​ @firoozehmoon​ [Please drop me a message if you’d like to become part of the taglist for this series or any of my work] 

#shattered heart mini series #troubled heart #bewildered heart #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans mini series #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #rpf #smut

[violencebian]

Okay the fishtank chronicles made a post and as they requested no one directly interact with them on that post I'm going to respect their wishes, but that doesn't mean I have nothing to say about this.

Brief warning going forward, I will be swearing and I may sound aggressive at times. If that is off-putting to you then my blog is not the place for you. It has nothing to do with how "wrong" or "angry" I am, it's simply the way I operate and think.

Firstly, I'm going to start by debunking or at least attempting to debunk one or two of their linked sources. I don't have the time nor patience to debunk them all but I've linked them in case you want to see them and formulate arguments against them for yourself.

Starting off with the 1st article. After giving it a quick read I've decided it's complete and utter bullshit! For those of you who don't have the patience to read it I'll summarize for you. It essentially says that many people experience a phenomenon of hearing a character's voice in their head and feeling like a fictional character.

I'd like to say: this is completely normal and has nothing to do with personality. Oftentimes characters you're attached to will follow you throughout your day-to-day life and they'll be on your mind. Simply day dreaming about a character, imagining them with you, or hearing their voice is not sufficient evidence an alter has formed nor is it grounds to call it "plurality." Though excessive amounts of hearing a characters voice, believing yourself to be them, or fantasizing about them may be indicative of psychotic disorders of MADD.

The other articles are too long for my attention span to allow me to read but if any of you wish to feel free to reblog with your own additions and rebuttals.

We'll start with their first argument against sysmeds: saying that we're cruel, abusive, or exclusionary. While how you view us is up to you and I won't deny many anti-endos engage in harassment I also want you to realise that endos abuse and harass traumagenics too.

Just take a look at tubendos blog and see how many posts they have dedicated to mocking and harassing people. Or this ask @/bitter-bloodbank received. Sure it may only be two examples and not sufficient evidence to prove this is a widespread issue but it does prove my point that endos are just as guilty of harassment and abuse as "sysmeds."

As for the argument that sysmeds are all children I'd like to say that's also bullshit! I'm the youngest anti-endo that I'm aware of? I only have 4 real anti-endos I see often in the syscourse tag or keep up with, two of which being bodily adults and the others bodily 17, just shy of being an adult. I won't get too much into that part though because I don't want this to transform into your word against mine.

But even so, if a ton of sysmeds are young why does that matter? Many endos/endo supporters are also relatively young and endo spaces appeal to a young demographic with their pastel MOGAI-esque themes.

Moving onto your main argument in addressing that sysmeds are largely young. You have no argument here other than "you are hurting people because you're traumatized" which is gross? You're doing nothing but weaponizing our traumas against us and trying to appeal to our feels which is honestly, fucked up. I won't call it manipulative because I'm not that bitch but be aware behaviors like this can be read as manipulative.

Honestly? That whole section felt more infantilizing and condescending than anything. It wasn't an argument, in fact it was nothing more than "oh you poor grumpy baby let's get you a snack and a nap." Like? If you can't formulate a proper argument and need to dumb down the opponent and act like they're some young naive child making mistakes to make a point, maybe don't try making one?

Next, our possessiveness over our spaces. This is just natural? We're a group of mentally ill people who've faced severe trauma, obviously we're going to be possessive of our safe spaces. Being young, or having no control in life has nothing to do with that.

But also if you aren't traumatized yourself or claim to not have trauma or "be different" then you have no business being in this space. It's not meant for you. We have repeatedly asked endos to make their own communities separate from us as they are not the same as us. We don't ask you vanish, we simply ask you move elsewhere.

"A lot of you will feel ashamed of the shit you've said!" Okay, but some of us aren't being hateful? We're simply trying to exist in our own spaces we have every right to. The same can be said of endos. You'll feel ashamed one day when you look back at the harm you've caused to a group of mentally ill people and how you tried to make it aesthetic and palatable. Again, you have no real argument here. You're throwing words at the wall in hopes they stick.

Not to mention comparing a group of literal trauma survivors, many of which are victims of abuse to abusers for not wanting their space invaded and wanting their own safe space is gross. You don't need to empathize with us or even understand us but that does not make it okay to compare us to people who've hurt us.

Our goal is not to destroy others. We want to create a safe space for ourselves and if it means fighting back and hurting those who hurt us, we'll do so. We're not trying to hurt anyone, that's just what endos tell themselves to feel oh-so-holier than thou.

So what have we learned? Some of y'all will really say any shit you want to feel righteous and justified rather than listening and actually attempting to educate yourself on your opponents stance or a trauma disorder.

Also! If your blog has been linked and you wish to have it removed let me know and I'll remove it for you!

#-jinx #syscourse

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Transformers Siege (WFC) character review!(1/2)

Instead of separating from decepticons and autobots (mainly because of the Predacons and maximals), I’m going to put them in order of which bots I really feel like talking about the most! So, here we go!

*watch for swearing, spoilers, and possible thirst.

/Also, alt modes will NOT be available for this series. They kinda don’t transform too much, and when they do, they hardly let me get a shot, sooo/

Optimus Prime!!; 

This Optimus did a full 180 for not only my opinion, but for his own characterization. This Optimus started out as impulsive, reckless, ignorant of other’s opinions, and quite frankly, was just frustrating to deal with. He was the one who essentially sent the Cybertron into a total fuck storm, and as such, doomed MANY lives, including the one of his love, Elita one. Honestly, Optimus is kinda. Dumb, honestly? He literally sent the live source of Cybertron into the vastness of space, just to keep Megatron from winning the war. Literally, EVERYONE hated him at the start, from Bumblebee to Ratchet. Then, get this- he learned from his mistakes. From Skylynx, to the Optimus Primal, to the soul of Elita, to Optimus and Ratchet and even Megatron- he had so many influences telling him what he did wrong. Towards the end of the series, he became the classic, noble, somewhat self conscious mech we all grew to know and love. Honestly? 9/10. He isn’t perfect. Far from it, but damn Optimus KNOWS this, and that’s so great- I can go all day, you guys (also that one moment where he asked Megatron to forgive him at gunpoint, such a good fucking scene).

Elita one!!; 

I love her. SO much. She’s a QUEEN. She has been ignored, she has been held hostage, she’s been punched and kicked and shot at-my girl has been through hell. And she carries it WELL. Not only is she FINE, but she is bold, smart, and she is STUBBORN in her beliefs. She is also a natural born leader, and I honestly and really appreciate her. Her death was honestly one of the sadder moments, but her soul’s reunion with Optimus was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. I wish we saw more of her, honestly and desperately (plus she has so many character interactions, there’s SO many ways you can go about her character, it’s incredible). 10/10 my girl is a fighter and she was so ride or die for Optimus (even though I lowkey ship her with those three little cons, ya’ll know the ones) 💕.

Megatron!!(Siege);

Every Megatron has something different about them. For example, this series has two Megatron’s (three because Galvatron), but we’re talking about the Megatron that we start the series with. The sort of ‘G1’ Megatron. This Megatron has a few...issues. Lips aside, this Megatron has a few things I’d change about him. He’s insane, he’s incredibly selfish, and honestly? His character interactions leave something to be desired, in my opinion. However, he does have a blend of good traits. You guys remember Prime Wars Megatron? How this man refused to go down without being ‘fuck you’ to his opponent? This Megatron had those moments, telling Galvatron right the fuck off when he tried to present him with a decision to join him. I love a Megatron that refuses to back down. I also appreciated the regret he clearly has for stuff he did (we all remember what happened to that one power plant), and I appreciate that In a Megatron. Couple that with the pompous villain aesthetic (he had his own pictures hung up on a wall for fucks sakes). However, he isn’t my favorite Megatron (that’s a tie between Prime/Prime Wars Megatron). 7/10. Fun in some cases, but not someone I think I’ll deem my favorite Megatron.

Megatron!!(beast wars);

This Megatron was kinda doomed from the start. From the issue with his VA (not everyone can be David Kaye, but still), to the odd way he simped over the other Megatron, kinda made me dislike seeing him on the screen. Don’t me wrong, he wasn’t AWFUL, and like everyone else on the show he LOOKED good and his VA did...okay. Listen, he had a REALLY good simp voice. But beast wars Megatron actually saw the old Megatron as an old fool. Now he suddenly worships him? It kinda makes this Megatron look pathetic, and I’m not really into it. 4/10. I’m sorry, but I appreciated him more when he wasn’t on screen.

Ironhide!!; 

He did like. Nothing in this series. He only really spoke to tell Optimus what he did. He’s just so cute and I liked hearing him speak. Not the same Ironhide voice, but still I love him terribly 10/10 he is but a baby waby.

Sideswipe!!;

He did like, two things in total in this series, and BOTH made me feel something. He also misses his brother Sunny and it honestly hurt me. Someone hold and support him, 8/10 this precious bundle of red-

Skyfire!!;

This Skyfire actually starts off as not only a decepticon, but a HIGH ranking decepticon, pretty much Megatron’s second hand. He was pretty decepticon motivated, up until Megatron decided the whole genocide of an entire race was too much for her. Honestly his role was a LOT like MTMTE Impactor in this series. A close believer changed to the opposite side, because Megatron’s dumbass got carried away. This Skyfire died, but up until that, he was determined to help the cause. He was literally willing to have a bomb implanted into him just to prove he was with the autobots. He was bold, stubborn, and everyone he interacted with was GREAT. 8/10. Tbh, probably my second favorite Skyfire (hard to compete with Cyberverse).

Impactor!!;

Pretty much the first time I’ve seen him in a show (at least noticeably) and I appreciated his little debut here. Impactor betrayed the decepticon, and in the best way possible. Not because he thought the cause was wrong, but because he got a super hot medic boyfriend, who JUST so happens to be an autobot. Seriously, ratchet fixed his booboos and Impactor just went ‘Listen I’d die for you’. Did anyone but Ratchet trust him? Nope. Did Mirage like him? Nope. Did we give a shit because he was very literally, ride or die for Ratchet? Also nope. Like this dude deadass was willing to go through the ‘we don’t trust decepticons’ bullshit, JUST because Ratchet swept him off his feet. 10/10, Impactor didn’t deserve to die, he deserved to be the hostile gay to suit the hostile lesbian that was Blackarachnia. 💜

Ratchet!!;

This Ratchet was like. The ONLY Ratchet I’ve ever seen, who just fucking hated Optimus. Seriously, this dude just wanted to be alone with his husband. Wanted NO part of Optimus, no part of Bumblebee, NO ONE. He’s sarcastic, bitter, and he WILL give you shit over Impactor or any of his patients. He’s a sour/sweet old man and even though I wish I saw him more, I love him and adore him with my big ol’ heart. 9/10, everyone can eat my ass I’m not over Impactor still.

Wheeljack!!;

Chaotic bastard. Smartass, dumbass, gay ass, and the first character to say ‘ass’, I love him. He doesn’t play much in terms of actual plot stuff (he’s like, a support character tbh) but the few times he was on screen, I loved him. It was like someone gave Danny Devito a PHD. 8/10, just needed to be able to give more one liners like he deserved.

#reviews #wheeljack #ratchet #impactor #skyfire #sideswipe #ironhide #megatron #elita one #optimus

[queen-ch3rry]

It started with one indigo classic named Doc

My story of how I became hopelessly enmeshed in the Cars community starts weak, has a middle "ick" point, and then (at this moment of writing) has turned into something that fulfills my life with so much joy

I grew up with old cars, so they seemed common to me from basically moment one! When I was a wee baby and was fussy, sometimes my mom would drive me around in her 1972 car. Every car I was surrounded by was from the 1970s (briefly one from the 1960s), so vintage vehicles weren't a far off concept to me

Even now, my own car is 30 years old! The only modern cars I've been in have been borrowed or rented. So while from an early age I was not a "car nut," much time was spent with them. I played with some Matchbox diecasts when I was 7-8, but cars were not any focus in my personal playtime. I had plushies, the dozens of plastic equines of a typical horse-loving little girl, a Barbie I hated... but I never actively WANTED toy cars for gifts.

When I was artsy, doodling in my art pads, I drew animals, things like The Aristocats, more horses, and cartoon people. Never cars. Drawing them? Yuck. Boring. And heck, they looked plain old HARD to even begin to figure out for drawing if I wanted to!!!

Fast forward to teenage Ginger in the mid 2010s. Cars (the movie) flew entirely under my radar in 2006. I never saw merch, heard about it, nothing. I blame the fact the new town we'd moved to didn't have a theatre. Maybe that kept the news on the down-low, and silent???

Teenage Ginger discovered Cars probably through deviantART. Honestly, I'd tell you if I remembered the exact magic moment, but I don't. All I know is that around that time I was heavily involved in another fandom of "sentient machinery" of a "species" I'd rather not mention because it ended up leading to very bad times and bad people in my life, severe harassment, account changes, etc.

Anyway, I discover Cars. Again. I say again because it first came to my attention via my dad's neighbor, who'd loaned him the movie, thinking another "car buff" would really get into it. I wanted no part of it then because 99/100 whatever my dad geeks out over I abhor. For real. It ends up being dumb, immature, plain stupid, crude, the like. Movie thus went back to the neighbor - unwatched. It bears to mention my paternal figure never watched it either. Committing issues

I rediscover - and watch - Cars on the torrent (yes I know).

And I love it. The concept was only briefly odd to me until I saw Doc Hudson, and baby, I was in loveeeee! And, for lack of rambling more, let's just say that character altered my life. The whole movie did, but Doc? He led to things sweet and bitter.

Like @agentsandracartrip, I met my "soul sister" through the Cars community. Actually through Tumblr, and my very old and no longer used @the-fabulous-hudson-hornet fan blog. Everything felt so good, sweet, and right. I'd never had a friend like this. For one week in summer, we hung out in real life - a first for me when all my fandom friends are through the screen.

We hyped up over Cars 3, rehashed the scenes and best parts together (anything with Doc or Smokey was perfection). She sent me some amazing gifts relating to the community. We shared and lived and breathed how much this movie franchise made our lives happy.

It was the sweetest time. Until it wasn't.

It ended with her reporting my facebook RP accounts I'd made that we used to interact with sometimes, getting my old computer permabanned from Facebook... and in a bizarre twist of fate, with her involvement in the other community I'd gotten away from. Soon some of them and she were quite tight and making up all these things they heard from some of my worst bullies. In a year's time, the friendship and union with my "bestie and sister" was gone, and so was much of my trust

The fandom wasn't cool to me for quite a long time after this

But I didn't give on it entirely, and I'm glad I didn't. Now we come to the current day in this fearfully LONG tale (are you still reading?!?). I'm the proud owner of the Motorama City discord server (created July 2021) - 60 members strong! I wanted to make a place that was fun, casual, yet geared to more mature fans of the fandom for, I've sadly been in many Cars servers full of trolls, bullies, shitposts, and general toxicity that have made several people feel unwelcome

And I'm so happy to have @agentsandracartrip on board as my friendly mod to guide everyone on their stay! https://discord.gg/77JfrYCbf9 https://discord.gg/77JfrYCbf9

I've been a Cars artist (hellooo @v16classycaddy-art ) for several years now... it's pretty much ALL I draw (haha, what a change right?), and one of my happiest hours was when Pixar contacted me to feature a LMQ sketch I did in 2019. So, thankfully, my journey into the community has ended better than its rocky midpoint, and while I'm sad it's deader than it used to be since 2017 and Cars 3, I have hopes it won't ever disappear.

Maybe the new Disney+ show this year will breathe much-needed life back into our own world of automotive happiness.

Here's hoping 💕

have you actually read this far??? omg, you deserve tons of cookies or something asdfjsdfjsfj

#ginger speaks #how i entered the fandom #you all have made me so happy #i'm glad we can share the loveeee #cars fandom #pixar cars #disney pixar cars #cars 1 (2006) #disney cars #cars 3 (2017) #cars isn't just for boys #cars pixar

[headheartbellarke]

HOME | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anon:  "Hi! If request are open can you do a charlie imagine where him and the reader (she/her) met on a project a while back and have been friends for a while, but the reader kinda had a crappy home life so she gets overwhelmed by charlies family being so loving and perfect and she basically breaks down and feels like she doesn’t fit in and isn’t good enough for him? please and thank you so much, ur writing is amazing!!!"

PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem! reader

WARNING(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, anxiety, angst, fluff

WORDS: 2,036

SUMMARY: charlie takes co-star and girlfriend y/n home for christmas but that leads to self doubt in her (im so bad at these) [note: this takes place in 2021]

    As Charlie pulls out the key from the ignition, I sigh, wringing my hands nervously. He unbuckles his seatbelt and faces me, giving me a bright, happy smile.

  “My family is so excited to meet you.” He says, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “What if they hate me?” I whisper.

  My boyfriend, Charlie, and I first met on the set of Charmed – we were both in the first episode, but I left it after that due to scheduling conflicts with my other show, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. I had been a part of CAOS since its first episode – I played the role of Sabrina’s cousin, Sarah Spellman.

  Back then, we were just friends. After I left Charmed, we would text and call each other occasionally. Whenever we were in the same city, we would meet up – but that was hard considering we both had quite different lives. So, we didn’t think of each other as more than friends – sure I thought that he was attractive, but that’s it.

  But, in 2020, after CAOS was cancelled, I got a call from the casting director of Julie and The Phantoms: she was the one who had previously cast me in CAOS, and she believed that I’d be perfect for the role of Julie’s British cousin who joins her school after her parents relocate to LA – I also play Reggie’s love interest.

  I texted Charlie immediately after my manager finalized all the details for the new role. He had been excited and when shooting started in 2021, we were pretty inseparable.

  After a few weeks, I had developed a major crush on him ad the rest of the cast had also picked up on that. They were also convinced that Charlie liked me (which I didn’t believe at that time but later found out that it was, indeed, true) and they used to tease us about it all the time. Finally, a couple weeks before production ended, he asked me out on a date and it’s been really, really great so far.

  We’ve been dating for about nine months now and honestly, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s my home – all my life I’ve always felt lost, but I feel like I truly belong with him.

  Now, he laughs. “Baby. I promise you – they already love you. My mother’s been bugging me to bring you home ever since we started dating, and you’ve already met Megan, and she loves you.”

  “If you say so.” I say, still not convinced.

  He grins and we get out of his car and face his childhood home. I take a deep breath, shaking off my nerves. He knocks three times on the front door, and it opens immediately after.

  A petite, blonde woman steps out, with a wide smile on her face. She opens her arms as Charlie yells, “Mamacita!”

  “Mon chéri. Ça fait trop longtemps!”

  “Je vous ai manqué!”

  I have absolutely no idea what they are saying, but the scene in front of me is so heart-warming. Charlie’s mother is genuinely happy to see her son – one can tell by the way she’s holding him, almost like he’s a little child. Charlie is quite a couple inches taller than her, but he’s nestled his face into her shoulder.

  I can’t stop a grin from breaking out on my face. It’s honestly rather lovely. But I also feel a slight pang in my heart knowing that no one ever greets me like this when I go home.

  They separate from each other and she squeezes his shoulders, looking at him with so much love that I have to look away. I have never seen a mother look at their child like that, with such intense love. That’s dumb, I know. Mothers are supposed to love their children. But all my mother ever looks at me with is disappointment, anger, disgust, and – you get it.

  She notices me next and claps her hands. “You must be Y/N!”

  “Hi, Mrs. Gillespie. It’s so nice to meet you!” I extend a hand toward her.

  “Aw, come here! You’re gorgeous.”

  She pulls me in for a hug too, and for a moment I’m engulfed by the smell of white musk and the feeling of warmth.

  We pull apart and I smile at her, genuinely. All my anxiety has washed away.

  “My son is always talking about you, about how pretty you are and –”

  “Let’s go inside!” Charlie quickly cuts her off, eyes widened as I laugh.

  “But I wanna know what he says!”

  Mrs Gillespie winks at me as Charlie turns scarlet. “I’ll tell you when he’s gone.”

***

    Another roar of laughter erupts around the dinner table.

  Honestly, I’ve never seen a family like this – a family so connected, so loving. All of Charlie’s siblings – from his three older brothers to his little sister are here for Christmas Eve, and all of them are teasing each other, telling childhood stories, and just having the best time. I was, too. That was until I suddenly realized how I don’t fit in here.

  Everyone here grew up completely different than I did. When I was young, about two years old – my dad left my mom and I for another woman. I haven’t seen him since – although, he sends me a postcard and some money on holidays and birthdays. He’s travelling around the world with his new wife and is apparently ‘happier than he’s ever been.’

  The reason he left is because kids ‘freak’ him out and he isn’t ‘ready’ for that kind of responsibility. I mean, it wasn’t like he was fifteen when he had me: he was twenty-seven, and already married to my mother for about two years then.

  Naturally, my mother blames me for her divorce. I was born out of an accidental pregnancy, so my mother made sure to remind me every day that I was unwanted, and my birth was what ‘pushed’ him to leave us. Every single day, my mother told me that I shouldn’t have been born, that I was a mistake, that I was worthless, unlovable and so, so many more horrible things. She used to drink like crazy, and if I accidentally faced her in that state, she would sometimes hit me.

  Years and years of abuse and all that childhood trauma led me to develop a fear of abandonment, trust issues, intimacy issues, anxiety, and depression. Throughout school, I had been closed off, unable to form relationships and friendships with other people. I had feared anything and everything – I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with people.

  Of course, when I auditioned for CAOS and moved away to LA, away from that toxic environment, I got help and turned my life around. (My mother was incredibly happy to see me go since she had married another guy and now has a family with him – so I was the only thing left that reminded her of my father.) I learnt to accept, prioritize, and love myself – but I’m still working on that, of course.

  But, I know, deep down, no matter how well I am, or how happy I am – there will always be a part of me that’s broken. I’ve grown to accept that, accept the fact that I’ll always carry the trauma with me.

  But Charlie doesn’t. He’s lived a good life, and he deserves someone who can give him their everything – and that’s not me.

  As much as I hate to say it, I’m not good enough for him.

  He senses a change in my demeanour and squeezes my hand under the table. I give him a weak smile.

***

    “Y/N/N, what’s wrong?”

  I look up at my boyfriend. He has a look of concern on his face as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

  I sigh into the quiet. Everyone has fallen asleep, except Charlie and I – we are seated in his living room in front of the fireplace.

  “Nothing. I’m just really tired.”

  “That’s not true, Y/N. You were fine throughout dinner – oh my god, it’s the ice cream, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “The pistachio ice cream that Maman made. It was weirdly bitter, eh? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

  I purse my lips. “No, Charlie. The ice cream was great.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve been down since desert.”

  “It’s not the ice cream, babe.”

  “Okay, then, what is it?”

  He looks at me expectantly, and I can sense that he’s feeling anxious.

  “I just – I realized that I don’t fit in.”

  He furrows his brows, but before he can say anything, I start speaking again. “Charlie, you have such a loving and perfect family. And you know how I grew up. What I went through. So, you know that I’m not used to this. I’m not – I’ve never seen love like this in a family, you know. And I don’t fit in here! While your mother was being so nice to me, I kept wondering when she’s going to scream at me. Or when your father was genuinely interested in me, I kept thinking that maybe he’s trying to find a way to get rid of me. It’s just – it’s just the way I grew up, and I’ll always be like this, Char. Your family is so nice, and it shocks me, honestly. And I think that maybe it’s better if you date someone who grew up the way you did, someone who’s like you. Because I have been broken my whole life, and I don’t think that I can give you everything that you need. I don’t think I’m good enough for you. You’re the best person that I’ve ever met, and I think you should be with someone who’s worthy of you.”

  I whisper the last part, and feel a teardrop fall into the space between my collarbones. I look down because I’m too afraid of what he might say.

  I hear him breathe out heavily and I feel him take my hands in his.

  “Don’t you ever say that.”

  “But it’s true –”

  “Y/N. Don’t you dare doubt yourself. You are good enough. No, you’re perfect. You’re the strongest woman I know. I completely understand why you feel what you’re feeling right now.”

  He scoots closer to me and cups my cheeks in his hands. “And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel shocked. That doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you not good enough. In fact, it makes all the stronger – you went through so much as a kid, and still, you have space in your heart for me. You know, I never doubt the fact that you love me, ever. Because you always make me feel special, make me feel good about myself and always make sure that I’m happy. You always go out of your way to take care of me, and you always make me feel at home. I don’t want anyone other than you. I love you so much and I never, ever wanna lose you.”

  I think I’m fully crying now, as Charlie continues, “It’s okay to feel that way. Take your time. But I’m never leaving you. You’re my person, and you’ll always fit in with me, baby. Always.”

  “Charlie…”

  I look at him properly, and I can see the pain in his eyes as a tear traces along the curve of his cheek. He sniffs, saying, “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine being with anyone other than you.”

  “Why are you so good to me?” I whisper, my throat still tight from the emotions.

  “Because you deserve someone good, and I can only hope that I’m good for you.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder as a sob escapes my body. “I’m so sorry, baby. So, so sorry.” I keep whispering that, while he rubs my back, saying ‘it’s okay.’

  “I love you so much, Charlie. Honestly, thanks for being so good to me. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

  I can feel him smile as he says, “I think I have a pretty good idea, yeah.”

***

jatp requests are open <3

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie fanfic #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie + reader #charlie gillespie + y/n #julie and the phantoms #jatp #charlie gillespie oneshot #jatp oneshot #luke patterson #owen patrick joyner #owen joyner #jeremy shada #madison reyes #savannah lee may #charlie x reader #julie and the himbos #charlie gillespie x fem!reader #charlie gillespie fluff #charlie gillespie angst #julie and the phantoms imagine #julie and the phantoms oneshot #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #jatp charlie gillespie #fluff

[chocolatecakecas]

Baby Blues

Through the Dark: Season 13 Destiel Fic Part 9

Part 1     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7  Part 8 Part 10

or read on ao3

Dean aggressively jerks the car into park, and rips the keys out of the ignition, sending a silent apology to Baby.

Friggin Sam and his friggin brilliant ideas.

Beside him, Cas wordlessly slides out of the passenger seat, slamming the door as he goes.

Rage radiated off Dean as he watched him disappear through the door. He gripped the wheel tighter, squeezing his eyes shut.

This is all Sam's fault. It was his idea for them to go on this damn hunt in the first place.

He insisted, since Dean had barely left the house since Jack, and he hadn't been a hunt since that giant ass vamp nest. Insisted that some "alone time would do them good". So he promised to take care of Jack, and practically shoved them out the door.

Yeah, and some good it did them. They hadn't even spoken since their little screaming match, sitting the entire ride in silence.

And none of this would have even happened if Cas had jus-

Dean groaned, banging his hands against the wheel.

Who the hell did Cas think he was slamming Baby's door, thinking he's the one who’s allowed to be mad? After the stunt he just pulled?

Nope, that's it. They're talking, now.

(read the rest under the cut)

And with that, Dean was out of the car, stomping after Cas.

Dean shouts as soon as he spots him in the hall, and Cas doesn't even acknowledge that he heard.

Wow real mature, Dean thinks to himself. So stalks after him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Dean questions grabbing his shoulder to spin him around.

"Going to find my child who I haven't seen in three days" Cas replies dripping with sarcasm.

He turned to leave, but Dean quickly pulled him back. Cas' levels him with an unimpressed look.

"Hey we aren't done with thi-"

"Oh I think we are" Cas scoffs bitterly, as he pushes out of Dean's grasp.

While he continued down the hall, Dean paused for a moment in an attempt to calm himself. With a sigh he tipped his head back, groaning when he noticed one of the bulbs above him flickering. Great, now he's gotta fix that.

Spotting the broken bulb did nothing to diminish the fire burning inside him, in fact, it only fueled it. So he quickly took off after Cas' retreating form.

"You pulled that stupid move Cas, we're talking about it. It was completely reckless, what the hell were y-"

"Reckless? You want to lecture me about reckless? After all of the insane things you've done over the ye-" Cas starts bitterly, not slowing his pace.

"-We aren't talking about the dumb shit I've done, we're talking about you, right here, right now. You could hav-"

"I had it under contro-"

"Really? So almost getting sliced in half i-"

"Don't be dramatic I was not going to ge-"

"Cas, that shifter was gon-"

"Dean, may I remind you that I am an angel. I was not go-"

"Oh you're an angel? Wow, not like that hasn't stopped anything from almost killing you befo-"

"Dean, the shifter is dead. I'm perfectly fine, I had it handle-"

"Yeah, having an angel blade almost shoved into your throat is handled" Dean grumbled.

Cas finally stopped walking. They somehow ended up by the stairs.

Dean stood, arms across his chest, as anger rolled off him in waves. While he waited for Cas' inevitable sarcastic retort, his gaze traveled to the overhead lights, watching them flicker.

Great it's probably the entire grid, not just one bulb. Crappy old wiring. Well, it could be worse, at least it can't be a ghost, now way ones getting in here anyway.

With a huff he fixed his eyes back on Cas. And something twisted low in Dean's stomach when Cas sighed, clearly exasperated.

The sound ignited the flames within him once more.

Does Cas even understand? Does he even realize? Does he even ca-

"Dean-" Cas began, through clenched teeth.

The flames burned, spreading like wildfire. Dean saw red.

And Dean was off, pacing wildly, voice rising.

"Ya know what? Angel or no angel it, doesn't matter Cas. The move you pulled was completely stupid. I told you to wait for me, and you didn't listen. No, you went in with some half cocked plan and the thing jumped you an-"

"Dean, I was perfectly fine. They surprised me, but I-"Cas attempted to cut him off, but he wasn't having it.

"We had a plan and you didn't stick to it. It would have worked i-"

"Dean, the things we do, rarely go according to plan. And we both know it wouldn't have worked, we were running out of time an-"

Dean groaned, angrily pulling at his hair. His heart racing in his chest.

Neither of them took notice of the lights above them as their anger bubbled over.

"Then we come up with a new plan, you don't run in there with some half assed idea. But no, you had to be reckless and stupid and risk y-" Dean yelled.

At that Cas spun around, fists clenched at his sides.

"Dean I was perfectly safe, yes it caught me momentarily off guard, yes I could have waited, but we we running out of time. It was the only option and I-"

"Cas you just can't risk yourself just because you thought it was the only optio-"

"Dean that's what we always do" Cas accused taking a step forward.

Dean's heart pounded against his chest.

"That move was stupid, even for u-"

"We've been in far more dire situations. We've all made dangerous choices, fleeting decisions in order to save people" Cas continued, voice rising as he inched closer.

Dean suddenly found it difficult to breathe, mind racing as his anger buzzed through him.

"Yeah that's the job Cas, but you just don't go sacrificing yourself for gods sake" Dean yelled matching his volume as the lights flashed undetected.

In the pause, Dean thought he might have heard a distant sound, but Cas let out a bitter laugh, recapturing his attention.

"Oh you're one to talk. More often than not, a hunt comes down to making a risky choice. More often than not, it's about putting yourself in harms wa-" Cas was closing in now, blue eyes pinning Dean in place.

Dean drowning in pure desperation and rage, trying to get Cas to hear him. They blinded him to reality, his mind only telling him to scream back at Cas, offering no further instruction. Logic had been thrown out the window.

"What, now you're using our bad decisions to justify acting like a dumbass? What good did all that shit do u-"

"Dean, if I hadn't done it, I'm quite sure you would have made the same move a second late-".

"Like hell I woul-"Dean shouted, echoing off the walls as his hands began to shake.

"We both know you would have. You taught me to get the job done, find a different way, no matter the cost, we always find a way. That's exactly what I did, what I've always done, what we've always done. So Dean, I don't understand why this time is any diffe-"

"Because I can’t lose you again!" Dean screamed, voice breaking.

And with a bang the room went black.

They stilled, eyes meeting in the dark. Sparks floated down from the bulbs above, serving as the only light.

Dean quickly tried to regain a sense of his surroundings, going numb when he realized he heard cry-Jack.

The sound he hea-

Guilt like Dean has never felt before quickly overtook him, as he sprinted down the steps into the war room, heart pounding. They followed the sound in the dark.

The kid was crying, and they were both too wrapped up in their stupid fucking fight to even hear.

The backup generators kicked on as he reached the the pack n play, Cas beating him with his angel "night vision. "

Cas hurriedly scooped up Jack, who quickly stopped crying upon seeing their faces.

"Da! Dee!" Jack bounced in Cas' arms, his tear stained cheeks being the only indicator he was just wailing his head off. Then he was babbling away, smile on his face, as Cas pressed his palm to his forehead, checking if something was wrong. Dean hovered close, trying to look for any physical issues, when Cas sighed in relief dropping his hand.

But, upon seeing his kid safe, Dean's mind clicked back into action.

Jack crying alon-Sam-where's Sam-the lights-why di-

"-wow Jack great job stopping their little domestic display" Sam laughed as he emerged from the kitchen.

Okay what the hell is going on.

"Wha-"

"Jack blew the lights. When his emotions become unstable, his powers begin to tap into other power sources. Hence the lights bursting. That's what we learned this weekend, right bud? Already happened twice so far, oh, we need a new microwave by the way" Sam shrugged nonchalantly as he smoothed Jack's hair.

"You left Ja-"

"Wait, you were in the kitchen, you left Jack alone in here, heard him crying and you didn't go ge-"

Cas started, only to be cut off by Dean's panic.

"Okay okay mister moms, first of all, I was two feet away in the kitchen. I did run in here to get Jack, but I saw you two in here having it out, and didn't want to interrupt. So I figured one of you would grab him, or Jack would shut you guys up on his own. I guess you weren't giving him the attention he expected when he spotted you two, so Jack took matters into his own hands" Sam laughed with a shrug.

Dean's head was spinning. But he knew Jack was safe, had another angel power thing to deal with, but safe. And Sam was safe, a pain in the ass, but safe. And Ca-

His eyes slowly trailed over to him, watching realization dawn on his face, remembering that they were just in the middle of a fight.

Their was a shift in the room, and Dean's stomach twisted as he realized what he had said, what he scr-

"-aaaaaaand I think that's our cue bud. So you guys finish your fight, then Dean can fix the lights of course, and then you can see your kid" Sam smiled as he quickly plucked Jack from Cas' arms, ignoring his protests.

Dean watched them disappear down the hall, as the flames died, taking the fight in him, with them. He slumped in on himself, finally giving in to his exhaustion. All that remained was fear, which quickly let consume him.

They stood in silence for a moment, setting Dean's mind in motion again.

God what the hell was he doing? Why did he have to get so damn angry, why can't he just ta-

"Dean I-"Cas whispered

He dared a glance at Cas who was studying him, eyes full of remorse. But whatever look was on Dean's face, immediately shut him up.

Fuck

Dean tried to gain control of his ragged breathing, searching for the words.

He took a shuttering breath.

"Cas, listen I- I just got you back. And of course losing you wa-was always hard, but last time...."Dean trailed off, voice raw.

Dean's mind flew back to the flames, he could feel the sting of the cold night air, smell the smoke, hear Jack wailing against his chest.

"I-I can't go through that again Cas. And now there's Jack too, and I-it was jus-it'll kil-I can't handle it, not again. Please, I can't plea-" Dean pleaded desperately.

And then suddenly Cas' arms wrapped around him, forehead pressed against it shoulder as Cas supported his dead weight.

Dean gripped at Cas' jacket as a sob racked through him. And Cas just squeezed him tightly, murmuring something Dean couldn't make out.

It was as if everything came crashing down at once. The three months he spend refusing to process Cas' death, the terror of raising Jack, the joy and confusion of Cas coming back, the fear and fragility of their new....well Dean didn't even really know what they were. But he knew he loved it, wanted it. All of it, the past nine months bearing down all at once.

He can't will it away. He can't force it back down and burry it deep within his stomach. He can't stop it. Can't control it.

Dean had finally broke.

Another sob forced it's way past his lips, and Cas squeezed him tighter, resting his chin on Dean's head.

God how completely pathetic he must look right now.

He's this messed up over some dumb routine hunt? Cas was right, they had obviously dealt with far worse, this hunt was nothing. And between the two of them they had each made more dangerous choices, than the one Cas made last night.

But when he saw Cas laying on that floor-

He can't lose him. He can't. Not now. Not after everything.

With a sniff, Dean forced himself to pull back, but Cas kept his hands on Dean's shoulder's holding him up just in case.

Dean pointedly kept his eyes trained on the floor, mind racing.

God he was pathetic.

Cas deserves better than this. Better than him.

He doesn't deserve to deal with Dean and all of his shit, he shouldn't have to. He and Jack both do. They deserve to have a home, and someone they can rely on, someone who can keep their crap together when it counts. Not someone who will fall apart and sob on their friggin shoulder.

Cas deserves someone better, some less broken.

Because Dean is broken, and he can't be fixed. He's just beyond repair an-

"-Dean" Cas' voice cuts through his thoughts.

Cas gently, tilted Dean's chin up, forcing him to look at him.

Dean sees nothing but guilt and sorrow swimming behind those wide blue eyes, and his heart clenches at the sight.

This is all Dean's fault if he hadn-

"Dean, I'm sorry. You're right, I don't know what I was thinking, it was a reckless move. I could have waited, we could have come up with something el-" Cas began softly.

And that seemed to snap Dean back to reality.

"Cas no-you did-you didn't do anything we normally wouldn't do-"Dean began finding his voice.

Cas shook his head, frown deepening and Dean's heart squeezed again.

Great now Cas is blaming himself for the entire thing, another thing Dean's fucked up.

"Cas look, I freaked out okay. It was a stupid move, I ain't denying that, but it wasn't like it was out of the ordinary-" Dean paused taking a shaky breath.

"But as soon as I-when I saw that bloo-you're blood. And that damn thing was hovering over you with the blad-and they had it in your-I thought I was too late, and that you wer-"Dean stops, words catching in his throat.

He feels the tears begin to prick in his eyes again, and Cas quickly swiped them away with his thumb.

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat, letting out a bitter laugh

"I'm sorry, crying over so damn hunt. God I'm pathetic, yo-.Cas, you deserve better than this. I'm just some broken nobody wh-"

Cas' breath hitched and an unreadable expression crossed his face.

Something new dropped deep in the pit of Dean's stomach.

Dean was right. Cas doesn't want him anymore, not after he lost it over some stupid hunt-oh who is he kidding. This isn't about the hunt, this is about Dean. About now that Cas has truly seen how fucked up, how much of a burden, how pathetic he is, he doesn't want him anymo-

Cas gently cupped the sides of Dean's face, forcing him to meet his gaze again.

"Dean, you are allowed to feel, allowed to get angry and scream. And you're allowed to reach your breaking point, and you're allowed to cry and want and need. These things do not make you pathetic, they make you human, they make you, you".

Dean's heart pounds in his chest, while he tries to look anywhere but Cas' eyes. It's too much, he doesn't des-

"So do not ever think for a second that I deserve better than you, because I believe I'm the one who is undeserving. You're a man who does everything out of love, who taught me how to love. And you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders out of the stubbornness and love within your heart. Which only makes you even more worthy of receiving love."

Dean felt his breath stall in his lungs,

"And I'm sorry if I haven't been clear this past month, but I love you Dean. I want you, you are all I have wanted for years. And I want this, here, with you and Jack, for as long as you'll have me. And I want all of you, everything, that makes you who you are. Because you are not some perfect machine in need of repairs, you are not broken Dean Winchester" Cas finished softly as tears rolled down his cheeks.

The fear raging within him had stilled, was replaced by a sense of love he had never felt before, which seemed to be the norm when it came to loving Cas. He always found new ways to make Dean's brain short circuit and this was no exception.

Cas wants-

Dean felt the air leave his lungs as he was struck with a realization, Cas' words sinking in.

Cas loved Dean, and he wanted to be with Dean, for as long as he'll have him. For forever, mayb-but one step at a time.

So slowly, with trembling fingers, he wiped away Cas' tears.

And as he looked into those familiar blue eyes, he made a choice. Because this was Cas. And he deserved more. So Dean was going to give him more.

So he takes a deep breath.

"Cas, I-I'm not the best at this kinda stuff, but I'm gonna try okay? Because you deserve to hear it. Because you deserve everything, love and happiness-whatever the hell you want. And if what you actually want is me, then you have me. Because you're the best damn thing that's ever happened to me, and I just can't believe that you want-but I-I want to believ-I want to believe that those things you said about me are true, that I'm worthy of love and deserve to want and all that. Because I love you, and I want to be with you as long as you'll have me. So if what you sai-what you see in me, is true. Then we would both get what we want, and I think after everything, we deserve it" Dean finished, voice shaking.

And the next thing Dean knew, Cas' lips were on his, hands cupping his face. Dean quickly wrapped his arms around his waist, deepening the kiss, as they exchanged whispered I love you's.

Eventually they pulled back foreheads resting together, breathing ragged. Then Cas caught his eyes, giving him a soft smile. A smile that said I'm sorry and I'm proud of you, that expressed everything Dean needed to hear, that Cas understood. Dean found himself easily grinning in return.

And a small flicker of hope, for Dean, for them, for what their life could be, ignited in his chest. They could have this, like really have this.

Of course a single conversation doesn't fix a lifetime of self-doubt and anxiety, that exists between the two of them. But it's a start.

So Dean pulls back, keeping his arms tight around Cas' waist.

"Well I'm glad we got that sorted out. But if you ever pull that self sacrificing bullshit again, I swear to god I'll kick your ass so hard it'll blast you back to the beginning of time, capiche?"

A smirk spreads across Cas' face, amusement dancing behind those blue eyes.

"Yes. I capiche"

And Dean barks out a laugh, shoving Cas' head away affectionately.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Yes, but I'm your pain in the ass" Cas smirks, pinching Dean's ass, for effect.

And Dean definitely doesn't squeak in surprise, and cause Cas to laugh. But Dean does shut him up with another kiss.

God he's gonna be the death of him, but the thought only makes Dean's heart swell.

"C'mon dumbass, lets go find our kid" Dean says with a fond eye roll.

"But what about the lig-"

"Fuck the lights, if Sam thought Jack bursting them up was so funny, then he can fix them. Now, let's go see if we can get Jack to laugh so hard, that he blows up Sam's blender"

"Oh, and here I thought I was the dumbass"

Another laugh rips through him as grabs his hand, tugging Cas down the hall.

And when Cas squeezes his hand back, a warmth washes over him.

Yeah, they were going to be just fine.

Tag list:

@wormstacheangel @smiledean @shelikestv @chaoticdean @midnightwings-deancas @jellydeans @sunshine-jack @archervale @wikiangela @organicpurplepants

@bbcalamity @tkdwolf2012 @doemons-blog @rolling-stoned-girl @skylerkernaghan @shadowywerewolfqueen @the-cookie-navy @martymar1963 @thelahatiel @thefantasyfiend @castielle-deanna @aestheticflyer26

@multi-fandom-imagine @x-mypeopleskillsarerusty-x @wellofwoes @becky-srs @multi-fandom-dark-lord @perfectkoaladream @castiel-for-lunch @it--hurts--to--become @bowtiesandneckerchiefs @dakiaty @feraldean @teamfreebees @keshetcas @hrh-princess-bea @scarecrowmax

(As always please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!!!💛)

#so i rewrote this like 5 times and idk if im happy with it but this is it #this is a jourey and i hope its not too disconnected it gets a little cracky for like .1 second i dont even know #this is also so long i literally dont know what the hell happened #i wanted then to use their words for once and idk this turned into like 90% dialogue which i never write #but hey look sam! #so um...enjoy them using their words #dean winchester #castiel #baby!jack #jack kline #destiel #bec writes #destiel fic #baby jack truthing #season 13 #deancas #casdean #destiel fanfic

[styw]

Rain in Paris

All I ever see is you.

"Jisoo, don't look." 

Jisoo hummed, turning her achilles heel to where Jennie was staring, and blinked almost unbelievably when she grasped it.

"Shit. I told you to not look. Are you dumb?" Jisoo felt something wrapped into her wrist and there, she saw Jennie holding it tightly, and tried to walk them into somewhere private where she couldn't see, but Jisoo didn't want to run anymore. She was exhausted.

"It's okay," she says as she sucks her breath. "I'm fine, Jennie. It's okay. It's been six months, I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine too." 

Jisoo knew she had said it with a tight smile because Jennie was giving her the look, the familiar look she had seen over the past few months, and honestly, Jisoo was getting sick of it. It was time for a change.

"Are you sure?" Jennie pulled her wrist to her chest and drew small circles on it. 

Jisoo nodded. She hoped her smile wasn't too tight for Jennie to notice, but then again, nothing goes undetected once you've got Jennie Kim's eyes locked on you.

"Are you really really sure that you're going to be fine? Because if you're not, I'm going to ditch the party and just have movie marathons with you." 

Jisoo scoffed a smile as she pulled her hand away from Jennie's grasp. That earned an alarming look from Jennie, and Jisoo noticed that, but she only gave her a kind smile.

These past few months, Jennie Kim has been nothing but a sweet, protective cheeseball to her, and Jisoo appreciates her best friend for always being there when she needs her most. However, she couldn't let herself become like this every time she saw her. Jisoo doesn't want to allow herself to be dependent. She refuses to.

"I am fine now, Jennie." Jisoo tangled her hand with Jennie's and smiled almost brightly, almost as if she had almost let herself be fooled for once that she was fine. when she was not.

"I'm fine," she repeated, but this time, she murmured it under her breath, and looked up with a slight crooked smile. She was going to stay strong today.

"Do you want me to fetch you some wine? I heard there's champagne here."

"I'm fine, Chu. It's just, I'm worried about y-"

"I'm going to get two champagnes for us, alright? Don't go anywhere. Lisa would be here soon." 

Jisoo forced her two feet to walk and left Jennie without waiting for her reply. Jennie was too much of a nagged today and Jisoo wasn't in a mood to hear such a nag. In fact, all she wanted to do at this instant was to focus on why she came here today: pose for photographers, drink some champagne, and let herself have a break for once. She's not going to allow herself to sulk in the corner just because the love of her life was standing right there.

Well, the ex-love of her life, that is.

Jisoo drank two shots of whiskey when she felt a lump in her throat. No, not today. She wasn't going to let Chaeyoung win today. Not now, not tomorrow, and never. She wouldn't give her satisfaction about what their break up had done to Jisoo. However, she admitted it did leave a hole in her heart. 

Jisoo closed her eyes for a second and tried to think about the beach house she had brought last year. Struggling, Jisoo tried to hear the waves in her ears. She pictured herself as she sat on the sand while she looked at the sun embracing the sea. She had tried to hum a song in her head, but when Jisoo did, the only song that came out of her lips was what Chaeyoung had taught her last year. It was Chaeyoung's favorite song, if ain't got you by Alicia Keys.

What was wrong with her? Sometimes, Jisoo wishes she could reset her memory of Chaeyoung and just delete them fore-

"Hi." 

Jisoo had stiffened up in her place when she heard a voice that had been hunting her for months. It was Chaeyoung's voice. Jisoo could not doubt it. She was certain it was Chaeyoung's voice, her favorite person.

"Hey," Jisoo said, turning around with a phony smile.

"How are you?"

"Cool. You?" 

Chaeyoung had stiffened in her position. That didn't go unnoticed by Jisoo, and she hated herself for how much she remembered. She doesn't need a fucking witch marble to guess, because until now, she still memorized how Chaeyoung spoke, how she moved, and more importantly, how she imperfectly tried to hide her emotions before Jisoo. Chaeyoung was still the book Jisoo had adored so much. 

"I'm fine. Actually, doing well..." Chaeyoung touched the rim of her champagne glass and smiled a little. She was not.

Jisoo flashed a small smile as she pretended to not notice. She was not here to emphathize. She was here to lose herself, fuck around, and drink some champagne for once in her life, and she's going to do that even if the love of her life is standing right in front of her. 

Who cares anyway? She was not Chaeyoung's anymore.

"That's nice. I have to go now. Bye, Chae-"

"Wait!" 

Jisoo halted her steps and stared at Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung was looking at the floor, almost like a shy school girl, and for once, it made Jisoo coo about how adorable she was.

"...I'm sorry." 

And when Jisoo thought she couldn't freeze any more, she was proven wrong. She felt she couldn't even lift an inch of her finger when she heard and felt how sincere Chaeyoung was. 

"I'm sorry, Jisoo." She repeats. Almost like she was pleading for her to comeback. Jisoo didn't like it a bit.

Jisoo tightened her grip on the monkey bar she was holding in her mind. She wouldn't falter. She wouldn't allow herself to. But when she saw that Chaeyoung was in a state to cry and could feel just how vulnerable and naked Chaeyoung was, she felt she needed to take their issue somewhere where eyes and the camera lens could not see them, so she grabbed Chaeyoung's wrist, and let her steps lead them their way.

Jisoo had let go of Chaeyoung's wrist when they reached the balcony. And when silence engulfed them, Jisoo sighed so loudly, reached out to ruffle her own hair, and felt Chaeyoung's eyes burning on her.

Jisoo turned her head and she wished she didn't, because as soon as she saw. She took the hanky from her pocket and gave it to Chaeyoung. 

"Don't cry," Jisoo looked at the flat view. "People will think I bullied  you or something." 

Somehow, Jisoo heard a chuckle and she smiled a little. She could still hear Chaeyoung sniffling, and Jisoo remembered so dearly how she would wrap her arms around her just to comfort Chaeyoung.

She hates this. She doesn't.

"How's Jennie?" Jisoo held back her head to turn. 

"She's fine," Jisoo smiles. "She's been a baby lately. She wouldn't refuse to leave me alone. She wouldn't even let me go out alone. She's like a glue stick to me." 

"Except now?"

"Except now," Jisoo repeats and chuckles. She hoped it wasn't too forced.

She heard no response from Chaeyoung, and when Jisoo turned her head, their eyes met. And for a split second, Jisoo wanted to know how it felt to be in Chaeyoung's arms again. Chaeyoung's eyes were burning red, her face was puffy, and Jisoo cursed herself for that.

I'm still longing for you. I hate you.

"I miss you, you know." Chaeyoung said, her voice almost strained as she stilled her gaze.

A bitter laugh escaped from Jisoo's lips. "Yeah. Sure you do." 

"I'm serious."

"You don't, Chaeyoung."

"I miss yo-"

"If you missed me, why didn't you come for me?" Jisoo snapped. Chaeyoung had pursed her lips as she stared down at the floor.

"Don't tell me you missed me if you don't mean it," She whispered. "It hurts me."

"But I mean it, Jisoo." 

Suddenly, Jisoo felt something warm on her hand, and there, she saw Chaeyoung's hand resting on top of her. She looked up slowly and met Chaeyoung's intense gaze. Oh how she missed those eyes staring at her lovingly. 

"I'm sorry for not fighting for us," She whispered and Jisoo let Chaeyoung play her fingers. 

"I'm sorry for not being there with you when you needed us to fight for the relationship we have. You were right, I was a coward for not fighting for us." Chaeyoung started to draw small circles as she continued to talk. Tears were starting to stream down to her cheeks.

"I was just so afraid to defy them, Jisoo. You have to understand that they were the only family I had at that time, and I didn't want to disappoint them... No child wants to let their parents down. They were against of our relationship when I told them about us... so I thought of leaving you in order to stop their disappointment in me, but it didn't work.

I just want them to love me for who I am, Soo, but they never did. They never loved me for who I am, and I'm sorry..." 

Without a word, Jisoo held her tears back, and pulled Chaeyoung closer to her embrace. For six months, Jisoo had always wondered what, where, and when she had gone wrong. What was wrong with her for Chaeyoung to leave her just like a rug? She had always thought she was the only one suffering from their break up, and their relationship didn't mean that much to Chaeyoung. Turns out, it did. Chaeyoung just happened to be good at being silent about it.

Chaeyoung was still sobbing uncontrollably into Jisoo's embrace and Jisoo was trying her best to whisper words that she remembered that would calm Chaeyoung.

"Hey, listen to me. Chaeyoung, it's alright. You hear me, It's oka-"

"No, you listen to me." Chaeyoung cuts off, pulling herself away as she sniffed and wiped her own tears. "I hurt you badly, Jisoo. You don't deserve that. You never do. My reason for what I did to you doesn't justify it. Still, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for breaking your heart."

Jisoo's eyes were tearing up as she listened and looked at Chaeyoung. This was her first time seeing this side of Chaeyoung, so desperate for forgiveness, so sincere, and so vulnerable. What happened? Jisoo pulled Chaeyoung back to her embrace and patted her head wordlessly. "I'm really sorry, Soo."

Jisoo didn't speak a word, instead she kept her position and held Chaeyoung close to her.

"I look horrible..." Chaeyoung murmured, pulling herself away to wipe off the smudged eyeliner.

Jisoo broke into a fit of laughter, and when Chaeyoung saw it, for the first time in the past six months, she felt warm in her stomach and pouted.

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not."

"You did." Chaeyoung narrowed her eyes accusingly and trailed her finger down to Jisoo's chest with a sad smile.

"Tell me something I don't know, Jisoo."

Jisoo smiled. "I forgive you, Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung widened her eyes in shock, and Jisoo chuckled as she reached out and tucked Chaeyoung's blonde hair at the side. "Tell me something I don't know, Chaeyoung."

"I want us back, Jisoo," Chaeyoung muttered and took Jisoo's hands on hers. "I want us to try again. At a slow pace, or whatever you want, and this time I will fight for you, Jisoo."

With so much sincerity in her eyes, Jisoo knew Chaeyoung would fight for them, and so she leans closer and clashes their lips together. It's been six months since Jisoo got the taste of those lips and until now, it still felt sweet and beautiful. She adored every inch of it. Chaeyoung had circled her arms around Jisoo's neck and tightened them. She had missed Jisoo's lips too, and she was ready to risk it all just to get to taste those lips.

She was ready to risk everything for them to try again.  Jisoo was worth it. She was worth it. Their relationship was worth fighting for.

When Jisoo had pulled from the kiss, she spoke something and that was enough for Chaeyoung to cry more, but instead of sadness, she cried in happiness.

"I want us back too."

#chaesoo #parkchaeyoung #kimjisoo #blackpink #ot4 #jenlisacameo #jenniekim #lalisamanoban #fluff #slightangst #slowburn #paris #gxg

[kitkat1003]

Tower Tales

2: The world doesn't want them. If Scratchy was a competent therapist, he might ask "How does that make you feel?"

Or: Wakko Almost Died, and they’ve got issues about it

@asilcorner I finally learned how to write Dot lol

Also this is a sequel pls read the first here

Yakko doesn't know anger.

Not well. He doesn't lose his temper often, doesn't find himself raging over little things, but this.

This makes him furious.

It settles in his chest and burns and he wants to scream, but there's no private place to do it. Wakko and Dot would hear, and the last thing he needs is their concern. They're in the same boat, they feel the same as him, he knows they're hurting too.

The world abandoned them, left them for dead, and they're just kids. They don't know what to do here.

Yakko has managed, in the few months-3 and half, 3 and half months and it feels like an eternity- they've been trapped here, to figure out how to make things, objects, beds. Wakko makes them better, actually, and Yakko is proud, but a part of him wonders if he's even useful, then.

He has his words, he supposes. He can soothe and snark and crack jokes with ease, lifting the heavy air that seems to swallow them whole any time they look towards the bolted shut door.

Yakko already has plans. He can figure them a way out of here. They can make a door, or use heat to melt the metal, or any sort of avenue in that regard. He just needs to get the ability. And, once they're out, they can wreak havoc. He's sure a parent would have told him that Revenge isn't a worthy pursuit, but he doesn't have a parent, does he?

And any facsimile thereof was fine with getting rid of them, so who needs parents anyway?

They've made themselves a bed-at first, they'd considered a bunk, but the idea of not having each other close enough to touch makes them all more uncomfortable than they're willing to admit, so they decide on a King Size bed instead.

God, Yakko missed blankets and a mattress.

At night, he slips out from beneath the covers, ruffling Wakko's hair and planting a kiss on Dot's forehead. He heads to the farthest end of the tower from the bed and runs a hand down his face and sighs.

It's funny to cry comically loud, but Yakko doesn't want to wake up his sibs, so he learns to be quiet as hot, angry, hurt tears fall down his face. He wants to rage and scream, he wants to tear the world to pieces word by word, but that is isn't funny. So he swallows it down like a bitter pill and learns how painful it can be to be mature.

He swears, when he gets them out of here, it'll be for good. His family deserves that much, at least.

He doesn't think he deserves it, though. Not that he'll say. He let the world trap the 3 of them in here, he let this happen. Why does he deserve to see the sun again?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wakko doesn't feel the fear of almost dying until a few days after he almost does.

They have a food stash now. Yakko is insistent, as Wakko learns how to make food appear, that they have extra just in case. What if Wakko loses the ability, what if he's too tired, too weak. What if Yakko and Dot aren't there to help?

The last excuse is so weak that Wakko hardly acknowledges it, because there's no way Dot or Yakko wouldn't be there for him.

Unless they got tired of him. A toon that needs to eat? Pathetic right?

Wakko knows what he's doing, anyway. He can make other types of food now, instead of just pie. He doesn't need to be babied, doesn't need to be take care of like he's too young to take care of himself.  

He expects Dot to temper Yakko's mother-henning, but she's uncharacteristically silent on the matter.  She even starts following him around, practically dragging him to get food when she thinks he hasn’t eaten enough in a day.

Wakko feels the fear of almost dying in the night, when he's supposed to be falling asleep. He stares up at the cold metal walls and ceiling and imagines closing his eyes and never opening them. He doesn't remember a lot from that day, remembers waking up to his limbs twitching and jerking without him being able to stop them, flashes of consciousness, Dot and Yakko screaming. He doesn't have a grasp on the timeline, everything fuzzy and unclear, and it adds to the fear. He woke up to the taste of banana cream on his tongue, exhausted and somehow blessedly full, and before he could even say a word he was hugged so tight it hurt.

The explanation he was given makes him wonder.  How could he be sure to be safe again?  What if they hadn’t figured it out?

What would they have done with his body?  Would they have moved it to a small spot towards the edge of the tower, backs turned to it day after day as they waited and tried to escape?  If they had escaped, would Plotz have been delighted to know that the most physically troublesome of the trio was truly out of his hair?

At least Dot and Yakko can talk their way out of things.  Wakko makes messes and has no words to clean them up.  It’s kind of pathetic, how dumb and tongue tied he can be, and now he’s not even physically normal, for a toon.  Dot and Yakko must think him terribly annoying to take care of.

He imagines himself, still as the grave, the first toon to die of starvation.  What a legacy.  Dying with only his siblings around him, in a small water tower he was imprisoned in.  Imprisoned in because he was a nuisance.  And he hardly even talked.  He got yelled at for eating random stuff, but he was hungry.  And clearly it was for a reason, considering he almost died because he couldn’t eat because they locked him in here with his siblings to rot, and-

He doesn’t realize he’s trembling until he feels Yakko shift, next to him, disturbed by his movements.  Wakko hops out of bed, and heads to their kitchenette.  It’s small, but it’s one of the first things they knew they’d need when turning the tower into a home.  They moved the food stash in there, in a pantry that says “For Emergencies” on it.  He contemplates going through it and leaving it empty, but Yakko already looks like he’s going to get gray hairs.  Wakko won’t add to that.  He pulls out the milk and pours it into a glass before setting it in the microwave.  He starts the timer for a minute and then grabs a sandwich from the mini fridge as he puts the milk jug away.

Good food and drink are always a remedy for terror, right?

When he’s done absolutely demolishing the kitchen, picking the shelves clean of anything edible, he stumbles back to bed, content to ignore his thoughts for a night.

It seems Yakko got up too, at some time.  The blanket is ruffled in a specific way.

It’s funny how, despite them getting up at similar times, they never seem to catch each other.  Wakko thinks, as he falls asleep, that’s probably why they never talk about it at all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dot is cute.  She knows this.  She knew it from the moment she was drawn, that she would be adorable, the absolute most cutest toon in the world, with no contenders to take her spot.

But evidently, being cute doesn’t do much in the world she was made in, because she’s in the same spot as her brother’s, locked in a tower for forever.

She’d started doubting that the whole ‘Lock the Warner Siblings in the Water Tower’ thing was a joke far earlier than Yakko had.  Yakko hadn’t wanted to believe the world could be so mean, but she’s a pretty girl actress in Hollywood.  She knows exactly how disgusting the world can be, just in her first few weeks in it.  She’d entertained the idea for a week or so, of it being a joke, but as a month and a half passed she gave up, just a little.

But it wasn’t enough to soften the blow of knowing that Wakko could die without anyone caring besides Yakko and herself.

Yakko had been asleep when it started, but she’d been practicing ballet dances when Wakko’s body began to twitch and jerk without reason, a startled gasp escaping from his lips before he went terrifyingly silent.  She’d ran to Wakko’s side, screaming for him, and then for Yakko, because Wakko was so pale he was light gray and he looked so weak.

And she’d seen his hunger, hadn’t she?  Waved it off as if he were just complaining, when he had a genuine problem.  But Yakko thought of the solution, Yakko saved him, and she’d only watched.

Some sister she was.

Yakko institutes changes immediately afterwards, throwing himself into learning how to make objects that they can use to make the Tower a place to live instead of an empty room, and despite the fact that she doesn’t like being told what to do she says nothing, because she’ll do anything to keep that deep terror from gripping her again.

She doesn’t realize it, but she’s being clingy.  She hovers.  She follows Wakko and frowns when he doesn’t eat for too long-in her opinion.  He says he’ll eat when he’s hungry, but that’s not enough.  He needs to eat before he’s hungry, so that way he’ll never be hungry, and then he’ll never be that sick again.

And then she can stop waking up crying, dreaming of a world where Wakko isn’t there at all, just a still body on the metal floor, and Yakko is yelling at her for minimizing, because she made it seem less than it was, so it’s her fault, and Wakko is dead and it’s her fault and the corpse turns to dust and he’s gone and it’s her fault-

She’s dragging him to the kitchen one day, because he hadn’t eaten for four hours, and her heartbeat is a rapid fire pace in her chest, and he pulls away from her.

“I’m not hungry, Dot.  I’ll eat in a bit, promise. What’s your deal?” Wakko is so rarely annoyed at her or Yakko enough to make a fuss, but he clearly is now, and the fear that tightens her chest whirls her around and makes her shout.

“I’m not watching you die again!” She shouts back, and Yakko’s head whips in her direction from the chair he’s sitting in, and Wakko looks stunned.  She’s trembling, she realizes, and her vision is blurry from tears.  

Wakko is so, so gentle as he comes close, reaching up to wipe her tears from her eyes.

“I-uh-sorry, Dot, I didn’t mean-,” She pushes his hands away,  The last she needs is an apology from him because he almost died, as if that was his fault.

“No, no, don’t-I just,” She buries her face in her hands.  “It was so scary-and-and you act like it doesn’t matter!” She shouts, fists clenched, and Wakko takes a step back.

“It does-I just-food is hard to get down when I’m not hungry-and,” Yakko places a hand on her shoulder, from behind, and the action makes her jolt and quiets Wakko.  She watches him fidgets with the long sleeves of his sweater, anxious, and she hates herself for making him feel so unsure.

“When he’s hungry, it’s his body telling him he needs food, sis,” Yakko’s voice is very soft, and he kneels down to her eye level, talking to her plainly with his eyes looking into hers.  “Eating before that time could make him feel sick, and he could throw up what he eats, which would at the very least be unsanitary,” He chuckles to himself a little, and she smiles at the quip, before he continues.  “That’s probably why he isn’t eating 24/7 right now.  Plus, he was slowly starving himself before then because we didn’t know better,” he says we, and she wonders if he knows that she blames herself solely, and is saying that to make her feel better, “so his body isn’t used to having food around.  He’ll get his appetite back up.  Promise,” Everything he says makes sense, but she’s still terrified.

“But-,” What if that’s not enough?  What if he eats too late?  What if it happens again?

“I’ve been making sure he’s eating enough,” Yakko continues, cutting her rebuttal off. “3 meals a day at least.  I make him breakfast in the morning, when you’re still asleep.  I know how much he’s eating, and I’ll make sure it never gets like that again.  So, if you’re still worried, just trust me with this, okay?” He smiles, and when he phrases it like that, she can do nothing but agree.

“Okay,” She manages to get out, and Yakko pulls her into a hug.  She cries into his shoulder, hiding her face because crying isn’t cute, and he rubs her back, whispering comforting words into her ear.

When he lets go, Wakko pulls her in, and his sweater is very soft.  She buries herself into it, and he doesn’t complain about the snot and tears she’s likely getting on it.

“Sorry for worrying you,” he says.  “I’ll try to eat more.”

She feels so silly, and so very small, and so very dumb, making her brothers worry like this.

“Don’t make yourself sick,” She lets out a wet giggle, wiping her eyes as Wakko lets her go.

Yakko cooks dinner, and makes her one of her favorites.  She watches Wakko eat three times the amount she does, and she feels satisfied.

That night, she doesn’t sleep for a long time.  She has too many thoughts in her head.  She turns, and she sees Wakko and Yakko, sleeping soundly.  Wakko looks healthy, but she can’t forget how he looked then.

She can’t let herself fall apart over this.  Yakko worries enough, and Wakko almost died.  The last thing they need is an overemotional sister breaking down all the time.

Maybe that’s why the world let her get locked up.  She’s cute, but it doesn’t matter if she’s too over the top.  An emotional woman is an unattractive one.  There’s nothing cute about crying, after all.

She resolves herself to be better, and the next morning she wakes up to have breakfast with her brothers, and doesn’t let her smile slip an inch.

#animaniacs #animaniacs 2020 #yakko warner #wakko warner #dot warner #kitkat1003 #yakko wakko and dot #Kitkat learns how to write Dot more at 11 #period typical sexism #women shouldn't be emotional or theyre not attractive right? #what a time lol

[jackoshadows]

Do you agree with the idea that GRRM wrote the "traditionally feminine" girls (Sansa, Catelyn, Dany, Arianne) as "more flawed" than the warrior girls (Arya, Brienne, asha)? Basically, this person said that Sansa makes actual mistakes that hurt people but Arya and Brienne do nothing wrong and don't make mistakes that hurt people around them, so they're bad characters. What do you think? do you agree that Brienne and Arya are lesser than the superior Sansa because Sansa has flaws unlike the flawless Arya?

Honestly, I think that Sansa, Catelyn, Dany, Arianne, Arya, Brienne, Asha etc. are all very different, flawed characters in their own way. I don't think you can put them into these boxes like you have done.

For ex. Arya is also traditionally feminine and partakes in traditionally feminine activities like cooking, cleaning, picking flowers, gossiping in the kitchens, playing with babies, taking care of those younger than her etc. She is not a 'warrior'. Brienne can also be nurturing. Dany can hold her own as a military leader on par with any of the men on her council or army.

For example, I think that Arya and Dany have more in common than Sansa and Dany despite Sansa and Dany being grouped together as being 'traditionally feminine' and therefore more flawed.

Asha and Brienne are warriors, and yet very different in terms of personality, personal ethics and story arcs.

I think GRRM has many different kinds of female characters and has not written his 'traditionally feminine' characters to be more flawed or anything like that.

In fact, Catelyn Stark is my favorite female character in the series. She's just so human and real. She's unique in fantasy. She's a mother. She's a leader. She's a councillor and adviser. She's intelligent. Makes human mistakes. Gives into emotions. She's jealous, she's proud, she loves deeply, she's angry and bitter. She embodies the House Tully words of 'Family, duty and honor'. Family comes first, above all.

I had already mentioned this in another post, but maybe Jon Snow and Catelyn Stark having a lot in common despite hating each other is the reason for why I love both characters. They are both loyal to a fault and would do anything if they love deeply enough. Catelyn releasing Jaime Lannister for her daughters, Jon breaking his sworn oaths for Arya.

Arianne Martell is smart and ambitious. She knows what she is capable of, what she deserves and will work to see that she gets it. Dany is powerful, smart and ambitious. Is she flawed? Yes, just like all leaders and because all leaders are human and humans make mistakes. Margaery Tyrell is calculating, manipulative and knows well how to play the game.

As for Sansa and Arya - well, these two characters were deliberately written that way because Sansa was created as a literary foil for Arya, to highlight Arya's personality and characterization. That's what literary foils are meant to do and that's why Sansa came about as the complete opposite. So while Arya mingles with the small folk and befriends them, Sansa is snobby and looks down on the small folk with derision. While Sansa is vain and self-centered, Arya has self-esteem issues and thinks she is ugly due to being mocked and bullied over her appearance.

I do think that GRRM went a bit too far with Sansa in the first book. I get why he did it - The Starks were getting along too much and families are not like that and she’s there to create confict. But still, it feels like Sansa is living in a separate reality compared to the rest of the Starks. There’s being naive and then there is Sansa. 

This is a girl who grew up in the harsh North where she would heard stories of her aunt being kidnapped and raped to death by prince Rhaegar. This is a world in which 10 year olds become Lord Commanders and Ned is taking his 7 year old to beheadings and wants his toddler to play with a direwolf because 'Winter is coming'. Sansa’s naivety is incomprehensible in our modern world let alone the medieval setting of Westeros.

For ex. Sansa tattling all of Ned's plans to Cersei after Cersei ordered her pet wolf killed! Like which child would trust, let alone like, an adult who has their pet puppy killed?! Or when she sees Joffrey sadistically mutilate another child and try to harm her sister and still thinks of him as her sweet, beautiful prince. Like, how? I get what GRRM was trying to do with the character, but IMO it was a bit extreme and the character came off as his version of the cliche 'dumb, blonde' stereotype that I dislike so much.

I also find disloyalty to be an unattractive trait, and the fact that Sansa keeps throwing her family under the bus again and again and again in the first book, is what prevents me from being interested in her as a character. Not because she's traditionally feminine or is a girly girl - like her fans want everyone to think as they deliberately misconstrue any criticism of the character and equate it to misogynistic hate. In this, Sansa is the total opposite of Catelyn who lives and breathes family loyalty.

Anyways, I do hope that Sansa eventually gets smarter, is able to connect the dots with all the information she currently has, outwits and outplays Littlefinger at his own game and avenges house Stark for everything he did to her and her family.

#asks

[criminalmutantsins]

My Top 10 Favorite Ducktales Characters

…………………………………………………….

NO. 10 Hewey Duck

At number 10 is Huey!

Hewey has been my least favorite triplet for most of the series; it by no means he’s a bad character or any of the sorts, Huey is more down to earth compared to other characters. It’s hard to say much about Hewey other than how he’s a sweet, fun character I’m glad is around.

His development in season three was good, though the weakest of the three. Kinda half-baked and rushed, as if the creators thought, “we have to add some Huey development since this is his season.” With Dewey and Louie’s, it felt like their respective seasons revolved around them instead of the other way around. The only episode I really think perfectly gave Huey development and at the same time move the main plot forward fluidly was the “Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks!” with the whole Huey vs. Violet rivalry. Y’know what also sucks. Huey wasn’t even that integral to the finale. That annoys me to no end.

Now, I’m going to end this with positive notes.

What got Huey into the list was his sweet nature and how integral he is to the team’s balance. Every team needs someone who represents order and Huey is just that. Plus, his innocent love for romance is so cute. I love the episode where him and Webby were setting a date up for Fenton and Gandra.

NO. 9 Scrooge McDuck

Scrooge is probably the most interesting protagonist I’ve ever watched. Unlike most of them, he’s more of an anti-hero than a pure hero like Steven Universe or Luz from Owl House.

I don’t really have much to say about him because I don’t love him as much as the characters above him. He probably has the best development- Lena’s rivaling his really well. In the beginning, Scrooge was a grumpy miser but now, thanks to the kids, his heart is softer and more open. His cheapness is annoying, but the good qualities overthrow the bad.

Scrooge most likely would’ve been higher in the list if “The Life & Crimes of Scrooge McDuck” didn’t happen- or at least occurred in season two instead since humility and hard work was the main theme. The writers went overboard showing the audience how bad of a person Scrooge was in the past, especially with him taking advantage of the poor villagers and leaving them in their states-without even helping them. This episode downgraded Scrooge pretty badly.

NO. 8 Donald Duck

Although on the lower half of the list, I still hold so much love and respect for this version of Donald. He’s such a massive improvement from his previous iteration. The creators made him kind and strong-willed but kept his anger issues. Though, they turned that flaw into a more comedic and positive aspect of Donald since he uses that intense anger to protect his family. Speaking of that, his relationship with the triplets is absolutely adorable. He loves and protects them like a great father, and I’m still a bit peeved that characters didn’t acknowledge that more. Instead, their relationship was sidelined and pretty much haphazardly... replaced-I don’t know if that’s the right word- with May and June.

Another thing that annoyed me was Donald’s voice treatment. The creators pretty much portrayed his speaking problem as a joke, which is terrible. I hope to goodness that children with speaking troubles don’t take those “jokes” to heart because there is nothing wrong with having a different voice. It’s also surprising how much characters mostly don’t understand him when I can seventy percent of the time. This complaint is more towards season one since that was the season where most of the jokes happened.

Anyways, I hope this Donald will start a new beginning for the next iterations of him. A nice guy who has anger issues but means well. Same with him and Daisy’s relationship-another massive improvement the writers did. They are such a great couple from the episodes we got with them and this dynamic should continue.

NO. 7 Webby Vanderquack

Another character who was massively improved was the great Webby Vanderquack!

In the original series, she was a boring damsel-in-distress with no personality-pretty much like the earliest Disney princesses. The ‘17 creators did such a great job molding reboot Webby into a character who can kill you with kindness or impressive fighting skills. This pink-loving queen is probably the sweetest character I’ve ever met; I just want to hug her.

I love her optimism and caring personality. She was able to change Lena for the better and not give up on her when almost everyone did. Webby is the best friend you can have.

While I’m not fully on board with the Webby finale twist, I really liked how her interest in the McDucks played some big part of the finale. Do I wish it was in different circumstances? Yes, but I’m still glad Webby got an important moment for herself. That interrogation scene was very emotional; seeing Beakley fully breakdown like she did was shocking and really set the mood of how pivotal that moment. I literally almost cried seeing Webby so heartbroken by her grandmother’s lies- this pink baby deserves all the love in the world. At least she found out the truth and gained a parental figure in her life.

NO. 6 Louie Duck

I’ve gotta admit; I did not like Louie that much at the start of the show. Greedy and selfish characters usually don’t get my love, but season two changed. A lot more depth was added to him such as his insecurities and anxieties. I struggle with these issues and it was nice to see a character show that as well. One of my favorite arcs was Louie’s trouble connecting with Della; it was realistic and not rushed. While watching this season, I was often having trouble connecting with people, even old friends. Sort of having someone experiencing them alongside me made me feel less insecure and lonely.

His development was really good too, from beginning to end. At first, Louie was someone who was willing to execute every angle no matter how much it could hurt his loved ones. Yet, he grew to be a humbler person who now knows the consequences of his angles. A favorite episode of mine is “The Richest Duck in the World” because of this development. Seeing Louie clean the Bombei’s shoes with Scrooge made my heart melt.

What lowered him down to number eight was season three. There were a few episodes that backtracked Louie’s development like “The Trickening” and “The Fight for Castle McDuck” episodes. He was a real jerk towards Huey for no reason. It frustrated me enough to affect this list. And I also prefer other characters more.

NO. 5 Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera

You can’t expect me to not put this quirky and adorable dork in the top five! He’s one of the best boys in the show. Him being voiced by the great Lin-Manuel Miranda does add some bonus points- you can tell I’m a big Hamilton fan.

Like Webby, Fenton was drastically improved. He became this sweet, scatterbrained scientist who only wants to help people. I instantly fell in love with him. And it got even better when Fenton became Gizmoduck- my second favorite DT hero. He deserved so much more screen time, especially in season 3; “Beaks in the Shell” was not a good enough episode for Fenton and his relationship with Gandra. There should’ve been more. The finale moments he had was not satisfying enough, particularly him and DW sort of team up. It was rushed.

If a Darkwing Duck reboot takes place in the ’17 universe then Fenton must be a major character- at least show up in ten episodes a season. A Gizmoduck and Darkwing crossover is essential, and I will riot if it that doesn’t happen. And more Fandra, my fifth -maybe fourth- favorite ship.

I also had a big crush on Fenton back in season one. You can’t help but love him this sweety pie. This pretty much influenced thirty percent of his placement.

NO. 4 Launchpad McQuack

This muscular dummy is amazing! He brings a sense of comedy and light to every episode he is in. It’s infectious as h*ll!

I liked Launchpad instantly. He’s kind and wants the best for people. Optimistic characters are almost the best characters. They are great reminders of how there are still many good people in the world. Whenever I’m down and watch Ducktales, LP makes me feel a lot better with his dumb yet endearing moments. My favorite jokes are literally LP sending Beakley an invitation saying not to come and when he tried to make small talk with Gosalyn at the window; I can never stop laughing at those moments.

There are times when Launchpad’s dumbness irks me, but his good qualities overthrow that. Though, I wish he wasn’t used too much as comedy relief; LP had the potential to gain more development than what he got. I’ll give an example. Learning about his family would’ve been great to know- an appearance wouldn’t have hurt either. It could’ve opened a reason to why LP cares about Scrooge’s opinion and cares about him like a dad. Maybe there’s some bitterness in LP’s relationship with his dad and that’s why he doesn’t talk about his parents. Loopey not being introduced was a missed opportunity. Big brother Launchpad is all I need.

I also have a small crush on Launchpad, though mostly for his personality and voice. He’s still cute *wink.*

NO. 3 Drake Mallard

We made it to the top three! With the dashing caped crusader Darkwing Duck starting us off!

It’s funny how much I love a character who’s only appeared in like five-maybe six- episodes enough to put him in the top three. I had some trouble defining many reasons why I love him; it’s this weird connection I have with DW. He’s this dorky dummy who loved a big part of his childhood enough to make it his reality, yet I love him so much.

I think what made me fall in love with him was how similar we are. Like him, I was a meek person who got pushed a few times- either physically or mentally. Those times also inspired me to grow stronger and be an inspiration for the next generation. I can be pretty clumsy too(lol). Characters I see myself in are usually really high in my love list and it shouldn’t be surprising that Drake is one of them.

His kind and genuine nature was also what drew me in. And, I just made this realization, this is the first time I don’t prefer the original iteration over the latest one. I still love ‘91 Drake but he’s too arrogant.

Unlike the original DW, Drake became a hero to help others- though a wish for glory played a bit of a part too. This clumsy, stuttering actor took a step to become his hero and a future one for children like him. That’s admirable. His lovable personality also being so cute enough for me to want to give a big hug is a good addition.

NO. 2 Lena Sabrewing

Hands down Lena had the best development!

She started off as this distant loner who followed the gray area of morality. Now, Lena is a part of this loving family and her own person. A few of her episodes are my favorites, such as “Friendship Hates Magic!” and “A Nightmare on Killmotor Hill.” They are well-written episodes and hit me in the feels.

Like Louie and Drake, I see myself in Lena. There are times I’ve been afraid I’ll take on my family’s bad habits or turn like them. That’s why I love “A Nightmare on Killmotor Hill!” Watching Lena try to be good enough and feeling insecure reminded me of the dark times I usually think about. There are even times I have dreams of these issues. The creators must have been inspired by me (lol). Though, I am kind of jealous of Lena because of how great her friends are. I want friends like Webby and Violet.

Even so, I do have some issues with Lena. Her magic arc was not written as well as her previous arcs. This might be more of a personal opinion than anything, but I’m still going to say it. Lena learned to control her magic too quickly, and it was treated as more like a plot device. And a shaking one at that. For example, in “The Split Sword of Swanstantine” Lena was able to stop time and send her and Huey into his mindscape. But, somehow, she couldn’t conjure a burst of energy to attack Steelbeak; granted, Huey mentioned that, yet Lena’s reasoning was dumb. Attacking someone with magic is way easier than doing what she did. I’m a little lenient on this since that idea lead to more Huey development, though I’m still going to critique it.

A great thing about Lena learning was her temporary outfit change. She looks absolutely amazing in light colors, which I didn’t expect, and her hair design is what I saw she would look good in. The eye shape is kind of weird.

Lena’s magic mode is in my list of cosplays.

NO. 1 Dewey Duck

Finally, number one is Dewey Duck!

Dewey has stolen my heart since the beginning. His positivity and fun nature always make me smile, even during the toughest times.

In my opinion, Dewey has the best arc/development of the triplets. His arc trying to find out what happened to his mother was what kept me watching Ducktales and helped me see why this show is so special. Many of my favorite moments are in season one, specifically ones involving Dewey. For instance, the scene in “The Last Crash of the Sunchaser!” where Dewey was willing to risk his life to get the last piece of paper and possibly solve what happened to Della was emotional. Hearing the desperation in his voice while pleading with Scrooge to tell him what happened hit me hard. I can’t imagine how much pain HDL have gone through not knowing what happened and thinking they aren’t allowed to ask. It would be terrible to experience.

Another moment I loved was in “The Spear of Selene.” It was when Dewey was hesitant to know what happened as the possibility that Della was a bad person grew more prominent. He looked so defeated admitting that realization and it reminded me of myself. There were moments when I realized that my parents were not as good as I thought. It hurt me a lot. At least sweet Dewey didn’t have to go through that. The scene when Dewey started tearing up seeing his mom in the sphere was also heartwarming. I wanted to give him the biggest hug.

Dewey’s insecurities of not being good enough and to be loved is what I struggle with too. Its kind of different because I have trouble believing anyone loves me while he wants everybody to like him. Confidence is not my forte.

……………………………………………………………

#top 10 #top 10 characters #huey duck #scrooge mcduck #donald duck #webby vanderquack #louie duck #fenton crackshell cabrera #gizmoduck #launchpad mcquack #drake mallard #darkwing duck #darkwing duck reboot #lena sabrewing #dewey duck #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #dt 17 #ducktales series finale #ducktales season 1 #ducktales season 2 #ducktales season 3

[shroomcult]

@soulxmakaweek

Soma week 2021 Day 2: Healing

All too young was Maka Albarn exposed to the bitter resentment of a crumbling marriage.

She never had to bear witness to domestic violence or explosive arguments between her parents. No glasses were thrown against walls, no doors were slammed, no vitriolic exchanges that ended in another charging out the door and speeding out of the driveway.

It had been slow, and cold - like watching frost spread on a windowpane until nothing could be made out from the other side. The days when her parents loved each other, smiled while in the other’s presence were nothing more than distant and dream-like memories.

“I love you” was only something a desperate and conniving man said to get the outcome he desired. Not that it was any use. Papa could throw that phrase around all day, and yet Mama walked out of their lives all the same. 

It also meant nothing when it came from her mother’s own mouth moments before she stepped out of the threshold of their front door for the final time. If her mother loved her, she would have taken her only daughter with her instead of leaving her with a blubbering fool.

Maka shook this thought out of her head. 

No. Mama does love me - of course she does. She just has important work to do, she’ll come back for me when she’s ready. When she’s healed.

A feminine giggle could be heard from down the hall - from her father’s room. It effectively tore her from her thoughts.

So she hadn’t been hearing things. He really had the audacity to sneak a woman into their house for a little sleep-over not more than a week after the separation. As if she wouldn’t notice.

Well, she hadn’t heard the woman come in late last night, but surely Spirit was aware that his daughter was always an early-riser. 

She stepped out of her room, passed the sinners' den that was her father’s bedroom and into the kitchen to sit at the table with her book - and wait.

She wanted to make this as difficult for him as possible. She wanted to see the intruder for herself, to look them both in the eyes.

It hadn’t taken long before the snakes slithered out. She heard the master bedroom door creak open as hushed voices filled the hall leading out to the living area. She could distinctly make out the sound of her father hushing his secret guest.

As soon as they appeared in the living room and in full view of the kitchen, Maka set her book down and cleared her throat purposefully.

Spirit’s face drained of all the light that had been present only moments before. He looked as though someone had aimed a gun at his skull and demanded his wallet, his hand quickly removed from the mystery woman’s hip like it had been burned.

“M-Maka! Oh, hello sweetheart … what are you doing up so early?” he forced a smile, but his eyes conveyed nothing but guilt.

“I was having trouble sleeping. With all the noise.”

If he hadn’t already looked ready to crawl into a ditch, he certainly did after that comment.

His bedtime companion let out an airy laugh of discomfort before quickly excusing herself from the house she hadn’t belonged in to begin with.

The sound of the front door closing behind her had been deafening in the remaining silence between father and daughter.

“Maka-” Spirit tried to begin, but he clamped his jaw shut when she shot up from her seat, the chair scraping severely on the tile behind her.

She leveled him with a stare that he was familiar with as she tried to emulate the sternness of her mother to the best of her ability. He withered under it.

“I hate you.”

He stammered uselessly, his eyes glassy as she turned on her heel and made her way out the house, slamming the door with all the force she could muster.

Her vision warped and blurred as she stomped through her neighborhood and made her way out to a main street. 

She soon broke into a sprint, lungs burning along with her eyes as her feet carried her away with little thought as to where she was going. Her throat squeezed tight, making breathing all the more difficult but her pace did not falter until she came to a full stop in front of her subconscious choice of destination. 

She stood before a familiar grouping of apartments with faded but colorful walls. She’d been here only a handful of times, just to kick Soul’s ass into gear when he wasn’t studying like he should be. For the most part, she had no need to visit his apartment because he met her at the academy. 

Why him of all people? Why is he the first person I wanted to see when I feel like this?

She liked Soul just fine. Trusted him in battle at the very least. 

But she wasn’t sure how much he really fit the description of friend. They stuck close together out of necessity. They didn’t exactly play nice with each other all the time - he was a difficult person to get close to, stubborn and distrustful. Perhaps she was too.

Even while her mind continued to question her reason for coming to him, her body moved of its own volition, feet taking her up the worn concrete steps to his door towards the end of the hall.

It wasn’t fair for her to show up here on a weekend and drag him out of bed to dump her problems on him, yet she pounded on his door like she had every right to anyway.

It took him quite a bit of time, but she heard someone growl “what the fuck” from behind the door before it swung open revealing her very irate weapon partner in pajamas with his already ridiculous hair in a nest of pure bedhead.

The hostility softened from his baggy eyes the moment he recognized the wetness on her cheeks.“What’s wrong?” he tried to ask only to get crushed into a hug seconds later.

She sobbed into his shoulder and clutched the back of his Nirvana shirt like her life depended on it. She was immediately embarrassed by her behavior, but she had trouble closing the floodgates at such a point of mental volatility and decided she’d much rather bury her face against him than meet his concerned gaze. 

It took a few moments, but his body finally relaxed and he rested his hands timidly on her shoulder blades, letting one of his thumbs rub circles in an awkward attempt to soothe her.

She was almost caught by surprise when his uncertain contact tightened into almost a protective grip, and he allowed his entire palms to smooth over her back.

“Here, get inside,” he murmured against her ear, slowly releasing her and guiding her by the arm into the safety of his living room.

He only motioned for her to sit down on the couch before trudging to the kitchen to rustle around in his cupboards.

She felt a twinge of gratefulness for the opportunity to clear her face and steady her breathing as she listened to the sound of him starting up the microwave. She wasn’t some baby to be coddled after all. 

She didn’t get much time to compose herself before he was making his way back to her, a small saucer with a cup of hot tea rattling in his hand.

He set it down on the coffee table in front of her and took a seat on the couch beside her. He sat quite a few inches away, but reached out to pat her arm for a moment. Ah, back to awkward. 

“Uh - Tea’s for you. Chamomile, is that fine?” 

She nodded, carefully taking the mug from its place and bringing it to her lips, allowing the steam to settle into her face and relax her for a moment. 

He didn’t say anything else, just nodded and hunched his shoulders forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he stared in front of him at nothing in particular.

Either he wasn’t in the mood to play therapist and prod her for information or he was trying to respect her boundaries. Maybe it was a combination of both.

She found her voice after a few more sips of tea, offering him a vague complaint.

“I can’t stand to be around him anymore.”

She could feel that he was staring straight at her side profile, but she couldn’t meet the boy’s unnerving red eyes for the moment.

She fiddled with the cup in front of her instead, gathering her thoughts as his eyes patiently drilled through her peripheral.

“He just repeats the same dumb mistakes. Over and over again. How can someone be so stupid?” she spat, thinking of a hundred crueler words that could describe her father even better than stupid could.

Soul looked away for a moment, scratching the back of his head.

“He is pretty stupid, I’m not gonna argue that. I think I’d rather say that he’s selfish and optimistic though. He knows what he does is fucked. He knows, and he still does it because he hangs on to the hope that maybe he won’t face the consequences.”

“Well, he’s faced plenty of consequences! My mother is gone, he’s going to have a divorce, and I hate him! How is that not a consequence to him?!” she cried out, placing her mug down with enough force to send droplets of tea around the table.

Soul seemed unfazed by her rough treatment of his personal belongings, shrugging half-heartedly. “Again, not saying he isn’t a complete idiot. Just saying there’s more layers to it. Call him what he is - a bastard. Shouldn’t blame it all on stupidity, that’s lettin’ him off easy.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she said with a heavy sigh, already feeling most of the fight leave her. “I understand why Mama left. Yet, her decision still hurts so much, Soul. Did she not think about me at all?”

His lips set into a tight line and he was wringing his hands out in a clear sign of discomfort. Had she broached a weird subject with him? Did he have issues with his own parents like this?

It occurred to her that she honestly didn’t have a single clue about her partner’s personal life prior to joining the DWMA. Did that make her a bad partner?

“I don’t know,” he answered quietly towards the floor, “It’s normal to hurt from something like that. I’d like to tell you that she won’t stay away for long, but I don’t really know that, Maka. I’m sorry.”

“I know -  I’m not expecting you to have answers. It just helps that you’re listening, I guess. So, thanks for that,” she tried to force a smile, but Soul was entirely unconvinced of it, only offering a sympathetic quirk of his lips in return. Still, she continued, “There’s some messed up part of me that wishes they could have just stayed together. That somehow things could go back to the way they were when I was younger, like none of this ever happened.”

He was staring at the floor again, but quickly met her eyes with a dull, haunting sadness that seemed beyond his years.

“It’s better that they split. Nothing good comes from forcing it just to keep up an image, trust me.”

The way his voice trembled like his throat was closing up encouraged Maka to change the subject.

“I don’t want to go back there,” she whispered, drawing her knees up to her chest as she felt that familiar, unwelcome heat gather behind her eyes again.

“Then don’t. You know I’ve got the extra bedroom. It’s pretty normal for partners to live together, ya know.”

Her eyebrows jumped to her hairline at this suggestion. “Like, I can just move in here? with you?”

“I mean, yeah. Why not?”

She couldn’t really come up with many downsides when she truly thought about it. It’d be helpful to have her weapon partner close by. There was the possibility that they could drive each other crazy enough to completely ruin their already hard-earned resonance.

And yet - that wasn’t a very good excuse. What kind of flimsy excuse of partners would they be if they couldn’t maintain decent resonance rates just from spending more time together?

They were stronger than that. This could work.

Another thought tugged at her heart. “I would be leaving behind my family.”

“We could be our own family,” he asserted with confidence, but it wavered when he saw the way she looked at him - like he had suggested something romantic between them. His cheeks and the tips of his ears lit up pink and he immediately backpedaled, “Uh- like, partners? Right? We have each others’ backs … like a family,” he trailed off, scratching his cheek and looking anywhere but at her face.

For all his snark and stoicism she realized he was rather shy. It was kind of cute. What the hell did I just think?! She attempted to compensate for her own internal embarrassment by bumping his shoulder roughly with her own.

“Okay. sounds good, partner. So what’s the plan for the rest of the day? And don’t tell me you’re just going to sit around and watch TV.”

“Nothin’ wrong with that. It’s Saturday, for fuck’s sake.”

“No, that isn’t engaging enough,” she said, flicking his cheek and earning herself a scowl in response.

“Fine. I have an idea for a therapeutic activity,” he said as he got up and crouched down beside the cabinet under the TV, pulling out two game remotes.

Maka was already shaking her head in disapproval.

“C’mon bookworm. Play me in Mortal Kombat. You can pull my spine out - it’s fun and the violence will make you feel better, promise.”

“I’m not playing some brain-rotting, man fantasy, thank you very much.”

He ignored her entirely and began working on hooking up his console.

“Just pretend you’re fighting your old man,” he suggested over his shoulder.

She smiled despite herself and placed a light kick against his back from her spot on the couch. “Fine, but you have to come with me to Papa’s place later today to help me get my stuff.”

“Yeah, sure thing. How much you wanna bet I could make him cry?”

In that moment, she came to the conclusion that she had chosen a good family. 

She was going to be okay.

#SoMaWeek2021 #SoulxMakaweek #Soul eater #Soul Evans #Maka Albarn

[brattyfics]

If you haven’t noticed. I definitely have a thing for Angel. 🥰 he takes care of you when you are sick. OR he sees you for the first time after a really big fight

Surprise surprise, I picked the angst of the fight over the fluff.

Pairing: Angel Reyes x Black!Reader

Summary: Angel and his significant other deal with the aftermath of a big fight.

Word Count: 779

The argument started out small. You and Angel disagreed on who was right about some random irrelevant fact. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to bicker back and forth over little things like that, but for some reason, he took exception this time.

Your tone of voice reminded him of Felipe; triggering the unresolved feelings he had with feeling less than and dumb. From there, the argument spiraled out of control. “You think you’re better than me?!” He had screamed, his voice raw with emotion.

Angel was a sight to see. You had seen him angry before but this was rage. He poked at spots he knew were sensitive to you, bringing up your issues with your own parents. Your first instinct was lash out at him, escalating the situation further. Tempers flared until you were both screaming in each others faces, hearing nothing but the sound of your own voices.

Part of you wanted to explain you meant no harm. The other part of you knew that he was being irrational and sensitive. You wouldn’t get through to him because his mind was already set on being mad. Eventually, he stormed out, slamming the front door so hard it shook the frame of your house.

Six nights and seven days passed before you saw each other again. During your week hiatus, you didn’t speak to one another. You refused to call or text him because he was in the wrong. What you had done was accidental, what he had done was malicious. With each day that passed, you felt more bitter, pissed off, and hurt that he refused to apologize.

In the meantime, Angel spent his nights in a vacant dorm at the clubhouse. He went to your home during the day when you were gone. It had started out purely practical. He needed a change of clothes and toiletries. But then he was standing in your home, the same place you cooked meals together, made love, and he couldn’t believe what he had allowed to happen.

The weight of the shame was so crushing that he always left before you got back. It wasn’t about ego. Angel would have no problem with apologizing to you, but he couldn’t face you knowing what he had done. The betrayed look on your face was forever etched in his mind. He came back to the house every two days until finally, he couldn’t stand to leave anymore. 

You unlocked the front door to your house, absentmindedly stuffing mail into your big purse. You didn’t notice him until you cut the lights on and saw him sitting on the couch.

After the shock wore off, you tossed your purse down and crossed your arms over your chest.

“I’m so sorry, carina. The shit I did--the shit I said to you was so foul. You trusted me. I know how hard that is for you to do, and still, I violated that. I feel like a piece of shit. I am a piece of shit--” You sighed deeply, sitting down next to him. You wanted to understand he hurt you, but you didn’t want him to beat himself up. 

Angel turned so that his knee touched yours, grabbing your hands in his own. “I know you probably won’t ever trust me again, but you got to believe me when I say I love you. I don’t even know why I snapped. It wasn’t--”

“I know why.” You cupped his face. “You haven’t dealt with the shit from your childhood, baby. You’ve opened up to me a lot, told me things. We’ve told each other things, but that’s not enough. You need to speak to somebody that can really help you.”

Angel shook his head, leaning out of your embrace. “I don’t know about that, mi dulce. It was a mistake, and I promise it won’t happen again.”

“It will if you don’t resolve it. Look, when I told you I loved you, I committed myself to this relationship. That means I can’t just dip out at the first sign of trouble. God knows, I would have in the past, but I’m trying to do things right with you. You have to help me though, I can’t do it all by myself.”

Angel rubbed his hand roughly down his face, stopping to stroke his beard as he considered your words. It was hard to admit to himself, and even harder to say out loud. “You’re right. I got a lot of shit to work on. I’m not saying I’m going to be perfect, but I’m willing to try. My perfect girl deserves that.” He grabbed your hands again, pulling them up to his lips to kiss.

“I’m definitely not perfect, but I appreciate you pretending like I am. We got a lot to shit to work on, babe, and we’ll do it together.”

GENERAL TAGLIST

@woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @sheeshgivemeabreak @breakingnewsin-no-oneasked @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @glimmerglittergirl @apantherinmypastlife @brownsugarcoffy @marvelmaree @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @thewarriorprincessxo @ifoundmyhappythought @sadeyesgf @pearlkitten33 @imanerdychubbyqueen @literaturefeen

ANGEL TAGLIST

@thesandbeneathmytoes @claytoncardenasbabymama @adaydreamaway08

#mayans mc #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes x black!reader