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noyasaur · 3 months

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hi, can you give me some advice on my problem? i feel like i am so far from my dr. not in the sense of not being able to shift but i find it hard to imagine myself having those things. it actually comes from my low self-worth, i don't see myself worthy of having those things. i have just realized this today and i think it's why i haven't shifted yet, bc i don't align with my dr. i can visualize well but not really "feel" it. just this morning i was thinking of smth im gonna do in my dr(my dr and cr goes at the same time) in a week and i tried to feel the excitement of the upcoming event only to realize i cannot see myself having it so that's why im not there yet. i have manifested to not have doubts so they have increased so much so i decided to manifest aligning with my dr as well. for the past 4-5 days my 4d has been mostly my dr and it helps, i feel close! but i was hoping you could give me some advice on this, good thing i was able to realize what was holding me back tho :0

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

hihi! first of all, i'm super proud of you for working out what you think was holding you back! that's amazing progress and your one step closer to your dr :D i think you're already on the right track, since you said you've been manifesting to not have many doubts along with manifesting being aligned with your dr, so i would also say to continue with that. especially if you said it's working, which is great to hear!

however, i do have some further advice and tips you could follow, to help you feel closer to your dr!

however, one thing i do recommend for you to do maybe look into, is improving your self-concept/self-esteem. your self-concept is basically the way you see yourself: your identity, what you're capable of as a person, what makes up you as a person- basically, how YOU see yourself as a person. improving your self-concept can get you into the habit of being kinder to yourself and seeing yourself in a more positive light. thus, in turn, being more confident and seeing yourself as a person who is worthy of experiencing their dr! the first step to improving your self-concept is obviously being kinder to yourself; start rooting for yourself and realise that you need to be nicer to yourself! why do you think you're undeserving of shifting? why do you feel this way? find the cause and work on improving your mindset towards yourself. not only does it help with shifting, but also will greatly improve your life and self-esteem too.

i also do have some ways to feel more aligned with your dr that personally love to use. one thing i like to do is when i'm going about my daily life as usual, i like to take a moment to pause and envision and act like i am already in my desired reality. to make this make a little more sense, for example, i could be just brushing my teeth at night like i usually do, but then i take a moment to really feel everything around me. i take in the moment and envision myself being next to a person in my desired reality. like me in this moment, brushing my teeth next so somebody from my dr. just in the moment- i don't close my eyes and visualise, i just try and form and visualise the person being next to me right in that moment while i'm doing the action i;m doing in that moment. i even sometimes go further and imagine their voice, or imagine their touch. it helps me to not only realise how real experiencing another reality is going to be, but also helps me be able to envision myself in my dr more, as it's just like it is in this reality. (i'm not sure if this makes sense so i hope it does 😭)

another thing i like to do is script or write down memories from my desired reality. scripting memories or even trying to channel memories from my desired reality helps me so much. it doesn't matter if the memories you write down are 'made up' or memories you've actually gained from your dr, because no matter what, in that reality you've already experienced these things regardless. it also helps me form more of an emotional connection to my desired reality. you could even do this while listening to subliminals that help you gain memories from your dr!

although, you could also do some of the more commonly suggested things to help you feel aligned with your dr such as guided meditations, affirming, listening to music that reminds you of your dr, make subliminals, manifesting (what you're already doing so i think you should defs continue doing that if it's already helping you!!), etc.

anyways i hope this helped! good luck on your journey and you got this! and remember that you are so so deserving of shifting and experiencing your desired reality. you found shifting for a reason, and you deserve it and to experience your dreams and desires.

- saturn ♡

#shiftblr #shifting #reality shifting #desired reality #shifting realities #reality shifter #shifting blog #desired realities #noyasaur #shifting community #ask saturn💌

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cinnajun · 2 years

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ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: our kitchen | lhc

summary | moving in with your boyfriend is a great idea—just don't forget to ask him if he knows how to build furniture (or how to build anything, really).

genre | fluff, a bit of unseriousness

wc | 1.1k

a/n: the glimo digipack jeno pc i bought shipped 💪 anyways shocked im managing to post before 12am in my timezone (and semi proud of myself?) anyways, i hope you enjoy !!

THERE WERE MANY THINGS you were looking forward to when you and your boyfriend decided to move in together.

Apartment searching had been at the top of that list. It seemed so…idyllic, walking through empty rooms and imagining what pieces of furniture would go where. Sitting at a restaurant and discussing pricing, location, what you needed and didn’t care for—and, of course, being able to even discuss that with someone. Plus, you and Donghyuck had nearly identical tastes in housing, so it had been a breeze finding what you needed.

Of course, after that, there was the cheesy couple stuff you’d both watched your friends do, time and time again. Donghyuck had been insistent on doing dumb photoshoots in the vacant rooms and taking a picture of you two holding the keys to your new home. He’d even made you think up a witty caption together, and you don’t think you’ll ever forget the smug face he made as he pressed the ‘post’ button.

After that came time for you both to pack up your old apartments. It was a lot easier for him than it was for you, as he had multiple roommates, so most of his stuff was only in his room. You, however, had glassware to wrap and sofas to sell, so your packing experience took much longer than his. Donghyuck, in his excitement, helped every step of the way, doing essentially all the heavy lifting (which you were very thankful for).

Then, you had to get furniture.

Initially, you thought that would be the most exciting part of your move. And, to an extent, it was; you must’ve spent hours in miscellaneous furniture stores around town, sitting on possible couches and inspecting about a million refrigerators. You’d bought pretty much everything you needed, and most of it was under your budget, so your pockets weren’t hurting much, either.

Furniture, most of the time, needed to be put together. And, not wanting to waste money, you and Donghyuck mutually agreed that you’d assemble everything yourselves, rather than hiring a bunch of people to do it for you.

That was fine, seriously. You’d assembled mostly all of the furniture in your old apartment, and you figured Donghyuck had probably put a few things in his lifetime.

Wrong. He hadn’t. In fact, he’d never even looked at an instruction manual before he handed his buildable stuff off to Jeno. Even when he was a kid, he had no interest in legos or building blocks—Lee Donghyuck hadn’t built a thing in his life.

Which leads you to right now. So far, you’d put together the TV stand, your bed frame, and two nightstands you’d bought off the internet, all by yourself. Initially, you’d thought that he’d at least be able to help you through reading out directions and handing you things, but that might’ve been silly of you. With Donghyuck’s inability to keep his mouth shut—this trait was helpful, most of the time—he found joy in twisting directions and handing you the wrong things.

To be fair, the antics had been funny and almost endearing at first, but, now, you want your constant building to be over. Of course, you can only get him out of the apartment ever so often, which means he’ll be right next to you until you finish building this desk.

“I don’t get these instructions,” he said, snatching up the pamphlet from next to you. He was pushing you to your limits today, pressing every visible button and sprinkling salt into every wound. Donghyuck was lucky you loved him as much as you did. “Why aren’t there any words? It’s just confusing pictures.”

Putting down your screwdriver, you snatched the directions out of his hands, returning them to where you could see them. “They’re not confusing when you start from the beginning.”

“Whatever,” he hummed, leaning his head on your shoulder. For the whole time you’d been building the desk, he’d sat right next to you, periodically nudging you or laying on you in an attempt to get attention. “So, where is this going? Did we decide mutually or was it a decision you made?”

Sighing, you went back to lining up the desk’s legs with the appropriate screw-holes, wrenching them to the base-wood with as much force as you could muster.

“Bedroom.”

“Oh, really? I heard working in your bedroom can hurt your sleep schedule. Are you sure we don’t have anywhere else to put it?”

“Pretty sure.”

Unfortunately, Donghyuck had already pulled up an article about the subject, beginning to read it aloud for his personal enjoyment. ��Working in the bedroom establishes unhealthy associations between your bed and work, making it difficult to mentally disconnect when you’re trying to fall asleep. Additionally—”

“Hyuck. My favorite person. Love of my life. Boyfriend,” you finally said, dropping the screwdriver once again. As kindly as you could, you took him by the chin and raised his head. Donghyuck looked a bit confused, staring at you with an air-headed look that you loved a lot.

“What’s up?”

“Please, for the love of god, shut up. Just until I finish this.”

He frowned at that, grabbing your wrist and lifting you off the floor with him. “All you’ve done for this entire week is build. I get wanting to be done with this, or whatever, but take a break for a bit,” he said, dragging you into the living room. You offered little resistance, knowing that, once you’d stopped, you wouldn’t want to go back to it.

“Finish it tomorrow. Let’s go out to dinner and do something fun instead of sitting in our kitchen messing with a pile of wood.”

He turned to face you, placing his hands on your shoulders. You smiled at him, feeling a bit giddy now.

“Our kitchen,” you repeated, dragging him into a hug.

“Our apartment.”

Even if he’d driven you to the brink of insanity this week, he was still your beloved Lee Donghyuck, your beloved boyfriend, and, now, your beloved roommate. You would enter a new era of your life, side-by-side, moving through the years together. Even if you had to build all the furniture in your shared apartment.

“Okay, we can go to dinner,” you agreed, half-pulling away from him. “Or, we could make dinner together. In our kitchen.”

thank you for reading!!

#cinna.nct #nct dream x reader #haechan x reader #lee donghyuck x reader #donghyuck x reader #haechan scenarios #haechan imagines #haechan fluff #donghyuck fluff #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct scenarios

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thekuraning · 24 days

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fic writing asks : 17 and 27, 28?

hope you’re doing well!! I’m just about to finally catch up with the latest chapter of moving on in a maelstrom (I haven’t checked my ao3 inbox for updates in a hot minute!!), thank you as ever for writing!

WASABI THANK YOU FOR SENDING im hanging in there i hope youre doing good too <3 and i hope you enjoy the latest chapter grelhbqughoeiqg

:') i talk a lot gomen

17. talk about your writing and editing process

so i'm definitely not the kind of person who sits down and outlines their story and all the plot points or does a ton of planning (kind of a bad habit probably!!) and mostly my fics comes from some broad concepts or ideas, vibes, or any sort of vivid scene I imagine up while im daydreaming on the way to work, and then I just kind of run with it. Actually I think from all the fics I've actually tried to follow an outline for in the past, only one has gotten past a handful of chapters (that would be Turning Point, which is shockingly complete!)

And like the scenes or vibes or ideas aren't always related to major plot points or anything either, they're just character moments and either a) do not need backstory to explain the situation, so they get to be a oneshot, or b) are VERY PARTICULAR about the backstory of the Scene and then they end up a full-fledged novella/novel/epic.

So like for example, I started on Maelstrom fic for a very specific scene with a very specific character--and you might expect it to be related to the main villain! Except I didn't even have a design for him until the day I sat down to write chapter 5 (which came to me in a caffeine-fueled fever dream) and wasn't even sure what his NEXT ability would be until chapter 8. Yeah he's the main antagonist. But this entire fic. This entire damn fic. Is a stepping stone. To a scene where Yuri is going insane under house arrest and Barnaby goes to visit him. And it's the funniest fucking thing in my head. Like I want to be so clear this is just an elaborate slide puzzle to a one-paragraph gag and I have no idea if the set-up is even worth it. But then once I get started writing things kind of start to fall into place like dominoes because I spend a lot of time overthinking the world building and the canon orz

Anyways as for editing uhhhh well!!! You have probably noticed!! I have SO MANY TYPOS IN MY CHAPTERS!!! My cat hears me say so many swears after chapters are posted :( I tend to be like constantly reading and rereading and editing... the first half of a chapter. The further I go the more excited I get to post! And the less I end up reading. So uhhh yeah if anyone ever goes back to read any fic I've ever posted EVER and you're like huh I don't remember that or huh I thought it was different yeah. yeah it was. I edited it 3 months later when I reread part and realized I had 15 typos, non-sequitors, and the worst sentence composition known to man OTL

27. your favorite part of the writing process

getting experimental with it! :') i like fucking around with imagery and description and pacing to try and see what kind of vibes i can squeeze out of something. actually i forget how long ago it was but i think my buddy isleofair sent an ask once where I went on a rant about what makes a slow burn a slow burn and ever since then I've REALLY wanted to try and write a slow burn that diagetically takes place in like. one or two hours. i have no idea how it would work but i think it would be really fun to try.

otherwise i think my favorite thing is like world building but through the little background details, like trying to squish in regional dialects or brands or in-universe entertainment franchises. I was really fucking proud of myself for Barnaby's Gatorade ad reel and his promotional coffee in Maelstrom lmfaooo or like getting so fucky with Proton's slang in my pokemon fics. Still trying to figure out how to write an entire oneshot about no one understanding what he means when he says "freezycaff."

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

>:( what do you MEAN I have to have a coherent plot!!! What do you MEAN I should probably plan to avoid plotholes!!! What do you MEAN i have to write through writer's block or take breaks when I burn out creatively!!!!! NO STOPPING ONLY VIBES ONLY GOOFS AND GAFFS!!! ONLY FICS!!!

On a more serious note. My least favorite part really is since I don't do a lot of planning beforehand :( sometimes all I got be them vibes, and getting from point a to point b can be like pulling teeth if I'm not like. manic. A lot of times I feel like I have a big picture with a lot of missing little pieces, and sometrimes I just can't figure out a satisfying way to get over it. Then the perma-hiatus hammer comes out UmU RIP in pepperonis dead fics from 2018.

Thank u again for sending!! <3

#wasabicouscous #kurasays #ask game #zubat fangs actually came about from 4 scene ideas #the first was proton stabbing his mom and the 2nd was mewtwo's escape from cinnabar #the next one is slowpoke well and then after that is radio tower....#just gotta push through fucking SILPH #hhhgggg fuckin silph bein a roadblock n such grrrrrr

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dufrau · 6 months

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11 and 12 about the whole bigfoot ronance series? 👀

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I like a lot of things about this series and I am going to let myself brag about it because you asked, thank you lol! The first part of the series felt like a huge step up for me in my writing, and honestly i think part 2 is even more interesting than part 1. I just feel like this series was very instructive to me in learning how to write. And I liked exploring the characters over a longer arc of time (most of what i write takes place within the span of like an hour lol.) All four parts are very different from each other but I think it still feels cohesive as a series. Im very proud of it!

12: What do you like least about this fic?

Mostly that it took me so long to finish it that almost nobody was still around to read the ending by the time i posted it lol. Also there are a few little sections in the first two where i let the writing get a little bit more flowery than it needs to be and i kind of hate a few sentences intensely but it feels too late to change them so whatever. Also parts 3 and 4 dont work very well on their own, they're very dependent on having read the first two, which is structurally a little annoying to me but I don't think it's actually that bad a thing.

(bigfoot ronance)

(questions if you want to ask me things)

#asks #lesbianlotties #ronance #fic writer questions #bigfootverse

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halfmoondaze · 2 years

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Request where Reader and Jack dated in highschool (babyjack) and Jack cheated on her (whenever Dark knight came out) and they split up and years later at Doja cats birthday their both invited and reader is wearing a sexy play bunny costume and her and Doja are like best friends and whenever jack comes to say hi to her he sees reader to

“Are you sure? Because we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable if you ran into Jack”

Fuck, she completely forgot about the possibility of running into him, considering he’s friends with Doja as well.

“It’s fine, that was a long time ago. I’m over it”

That was a lie, you were nervous about running into him. But you figured its been years since that happened and you didn’t wanted to have to hide from him forever.

As you stepped inside the party, you were greeted by a cloud of smoke probably of weed or vape. You and your friend greeted a few familiar faces as you walked inside until you decided to hang out by the open kitchen area with some friends laughing here and there. You were having so much fun that you completely forgot about Jack probably being here too. That was until…

“Hi Y/N”

You turned around to see Jack looking polished with a red cup on his hand and wearing his usual confident smile on his face.

“Hey Jack” you said smiling awkwardly at him not knowing how to react to this whole situation.

“Its been a minute since we seen each other, how are you? What you’ve been up to?”

“I’m good” you managed to say as the music was loud making it hard for you to talk to him.

“Do you wanna find a quiet spot?” “Yea, that would be ideal”

He laughed and the both of you started walking to the backyard where it was more private and quiet.

You quickly glanced back to see Y/B/F/N looking at you. You quickly signal her that you were ok and she shook her head and went back to what she was doing.

You and Jack sat in one of the pool chairs and to your surprise seeing Jack wasn’t as awkward as you initially though it was going to be. But you did noticed he seemed nervous which was an unusual thing to witness.

“How are you doing” he said scratching the back of his head.

“I’m doing alright. I just finished college and I’m starting my first job in a few days”

“That’s great, I’m happy for you”

“Yea, you’re not so bad yourself. I noticed you’ve been everywhere these days”

He laughed.

“I wouldn’t exactly say it like that”

“Its ok, you achieved your dreams, you don’t see a lot that of that in here. You should be proud of yourself” you said sincerely.

His face changed as he was feeling guilty as he came into terms that y/n has been by his side all this time, and he played her so dirty. She didn’t deserved that.

“Hey, I’m sorry about how things ended up between us. I was a thot who couldn’t appreciate what I had when I had it. I never forgave myself for it”

“Jack, that was forever ago, we were just kids-“

“-Its still no excuse. I should have never let you go through that humiliation. After all you were the one that was always for me. I’m sorry”

“Thanks for apologizing. I really appreciate it. But I already forgave you, I couldn’t carry that for the rest of my life” you said laughing.

“So, who you’re talking to now?”

“No one, I’ve been mostly focused on finishing college and what I wanted to do after that”

“That’s great. Im so proud of you, I know how bad you wanted that” he said taking her hand.

“Thanks”

When you didn’t pulled away from his hand, he decided to go a little further.

“I never stopped thinking about you”

You looked into his eyes, and you could tell he was being sincere.

“Jack-“

“I know I fucked up, but I needed you to know that I would like to try again with you. I never should have let you go. All these people around me made me realize what I lost and-” he paused trying to hold a straight face as to avoid crying. “I love you. I never stopped loving you.”

You were taken back by his last statement. In all the time you were together you don’t recall a single moment he said that. But it was real, he looked at you straight in the eye and didn’t even stutter.

You looked down and sigh.

“I need some time to think about this”

“Yeah, yeah sure. I understand, take how much time you need”

You could deep down Jack was happy that you didn’t straight up reject him, so he remained hopeful.

“I have to find my friends”

You didn’t even let him reply as you immediately left.

When you found your friends, you hang around them for a few more hours until you let them know you wanted to go.

That night as you laid in bed, you couldn’t stop replaying the conversation with Jack in your head. He gave you his number before you left, and you were currently starring at his contact on your phone contemplating weather you should go for it or not. But before you could make your decision, your hands already started texting him, and to your response he replied after a few seconds.

“I never stopped thinking about you either” your text read.

“Can we try again?”

“Yeah”

“Let me take you for breakfast tomorrow, I can pick you up at 8?”

“Yeah, that sounds good”

“I can’t wait to see you”

You smiled at yourself as you put your phone down.

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mayuichi · 4 months

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“Happy birthday!„

Itto x Reader! No warnings at all!

Note: for everyone: it will not fit your personality/life since it's dedicated to that goober, and i aint sorry about it. There's no name at all for the reader, nor gender (normally) so anyone who wants can read it, but there's other names (like those of two friends), so you can just skip it if you prefer to my goober: hAPPY BDAY BESTIII!!! POOKI YOU TAKE ONE MORE YEAR! HERE THAT GIFT TO CELEBRATE THAT DAY (and also bc i have no money so its the least i can do) I HOPE YOULL ENJOY ITTT especially since you know my current condition ahukfds :( you'll directly know who are referred in that, first bc one is myself.. and you'll recognise the other DIRECTLY. LOTS OF LOVE ON YOU AND IM SURE YOULL HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER!!!

White Day 2023 art by みやも!

The sweet cold of December hits your cheeks. Your lover had to force you to put your coat on. It's not even like you felt that cold... A jacket would've been just fine. But your boyfriend is way too caring to let you risk catching a cold.

You're on your way to your work. It isn't as exhausting as some others. You're an artist, working on commissions and your own projects. It means.. Your hands hurt pretty regularly. You could've worked just fine in your office at your house but.. You needed to dissociate personal life and work. It motivates you further, as you know once you're home, it's only to take care of him and you.

You get on the bus to lead to your workplace, your headphones on, listening to Rare Americans, Hey Sunshine to be more precise. It's your current favorite music.

You feel your phone vibrating, only to see a text from your boyfriend. “When do you finish work today?„ you think to yourself, yet mostly to enjoy your music. “I don't know, maybe around 6?„ he simply answers a OK.

He most likely asked you to know when to get home from his hangout with his friends. He told you he'd meet his gang. You have met them too, all friendly. You first thought it was because you're Itto's partner but perhaps, it was genuine.

You reach your stop, now walking to your building. You're pretty lucky, your bests friends themselves help you paying that place, also because they work there for their own commissions, despite it not being in art.

Entering the main room, you see the both of them chatting together, and you join them happily. “Hey! How have you been?„ Lysandre greets you with a bright smile, her hands behind her back. “Since when do you work during Sundays?„ Toa tilts her head.

It's true, usually you keep the weekends for yourself but... “To be honest, I'm extremely late and I need to pay the rent next month, I can't just slack off.„ you admit. Money is a good motivation...

They burst in laughter, knowing you aren't even joking right now. Then, Lysandre steps closer to you, until she wraps her arms around your chest in a gentle hug. She's the shortest of the three of you, and you're the tallest. That alone makes everything so much funnier.

“You know...„ she steps aside, looking behind to Toa. Toa leaves to the kitchen to retrieve a box from the fridge. “We wanted to give you something...„ Toa walks closer to you with the box, handing it to you.

You raise an eyebrow, taking the box to open it. Two strawberry tartlets are inside, ready to be eaten. You snap your head up, glancing at a proud standing Toa and a more shy and reserved Lysandre.

You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out of your throat. You just stand there, smiling and staring at the tartlets. “Happy birthday!„ they say in sync.

“We know it's not the strawberries season but...„ Toa nudges against Lysandre, in a quiet chuckle. “My grandparents harvested a lot last summer, so they gave me some of their fruits and vegetables for me to freeze and eat when I wanted..„

You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out of your throat. You just stand there, smiling and staring at the tartlets. “... Thank you.„

After putting it back in the fridge and hugging close your friends, you went to your office to work. At least now, you knew what you'd eat for dessert at lunch. And to think they baked it for you? That's really sweet of them.

You work pretty hard, staying focus, and when lunch comes, you three just chat together again. About the weather, your love life - even if you're the only one having an actual partner, Toa is too hesitant to make a move and Lys'... is just completely empty right now.

It's soon enough time for you to go home. You're the only one to leave now, but the two girls come to tell you goodnight and wish you a happy evening with Itto.

Talking about Itto.. You've been ghosting him all day long! Too focused into your work, you entirely forgot about your phone. So you look at it to see... Wait, why all the messages are either deleted or just bit of sentences?

“Itto, is everything fine?„ you hop on the bus, knowing it'll be a long drive. “Fine! I'm fine! Just busy with the boys haha!„ something seems off, but you just shake it off.

You're also a little disappointed. He didn't wished you a happy birthday at all today. Did he forgot? It wouldn't be surprising from him. But it makes you... pretty sad.

After what feels like forever, you finally arrive home, taking out your keys to open the... wait, did he left the door open?

You enter a dark room, trying to find the switch. Once you do, you close the door behind you and hang your coat and scarf. It has been a long and tiring day, but at least you have managed to work on everything you wanted.

As you're about to sit down on the sofa to relax, a shiny light picks your interest. Resting on the windowsill, you cautiously step closer. You don't remember having anything like this... But it was just a key.

Wait. Since when do you need a key for anything at home beside the front door? Yet it was way too small to be used on the front door! Inspecting each room, you try to call out for Itto, but there's no sign of him.

A sudden fear strikes you. What if someone came in? If Itto did forgot to lock the door, it could've been possible. You hurry to your office, where there is every paperworks and your computer. But on the desk, right in front of your keyboard, there's a box.

You're confused. Confused as fuck. It's locked. Hesitantly trying to unlock it with the key, you see inside a beautiful golden necklace. Carefully picking it up, there's a note. “Turn around.„

If you'd be in a horror movie, you'd know better than to turn around. But, life isn't a movie, isn't it? So you do as told.. Also because you're stupid. But luckily for you, it's only your boyfriend!

You're already pretty tall, yet he's taller.. and much stronger. He holds his arms out for you to come in, which you instantly do. “Happy birthday!„ he laughs out. “Have you done all this for me?„

You can feel him panic, as a sweatdrop runs from his temple. “Well... Kuki helped me a lot to know how to do it... I didn't wanted to be like everyone else and just hand it to you!„ he claims. That's always him. He wants to make you happy, but in a complicated way. Without Kuki, he'd probably still be stuck to finding an idea. You'll have to thank her later too.

You chuckle, feeling his muscular arms holding you tight without accidentally strangling you. You take his hand to place the necklace in. “Help me put it on, please.„ he nods. You hold your hair out if needed, feeling him try to clip it on... and failing a few times under your laughters, which makes him embarrassed.

He lets out a low growl before scooping you up and placing you on his back. He takes your coat and throw it over your face, taking his own that he doesn't put on yet. He lowers himself a little to get through the door.

He leads you to an empty park. At this hour, not many kids are outside, so it's only the two of you. He brings you down, finally wearing his coat as you do so too.

“So, where do you want to go, your highness? I'm your humble servant, for tonight only!„ he jokingly bows before you, allowing you to lead the way.

You decide to just make a runaway, have fun together and messing around until the night comes. He chases you around as you please, going to get you drinks and even food. You sit near a river to eat in silent, your head leaned against his arm.

He misses to trip a lot of time, and when he does, you mock him. Who wouldn't when they know their partner didn't got hurt? But Itto has been quick to stand back up and run to you, taking your hips to lift you and turn around rapidly. He loves to tease you whenever he can.

He just loves to prove his affection to you. You're his, he's yours, what else could matter? You'd go through any hardship together.

The night is fast to fall, and beside some cars here and there, it's empty. Having for only company each other and the street lights. But none of you care. Holding hands while taking a stroll around the city, you don't care how much it's getting colder.

The warmth of your boyfriend alone is all that is needed to keep you from freezing. You hum softly, knowing that day couldn't get any better.

He leads you to a hill, helping you climbing it before sitting on the grass. You're sitting in between his legs, his arms wrapped around your waist. You stargaze in silence, his chin resting over your head.

From time to time, you point out some stars, and when you're about to do it again, turning your head to him, he takes advantages of it to lean in and gives you a passionate kiss.

Leaving you breathless, he presses his forehead in the crook of your neck. “... I couldn't have found better than you.„ he mutters.

Your heart melts at his words. You press your hands against his, sighing in contentment. “I couldn't either. I suppose we found each other, right?„ he simply nods.

You stare at your new necklace for a few seconds, before turning your head back to him since he breathes out. “Having someone as goofy as me is the best feeling. I hope you had the best birthday I could ever give you.„

again, HAPPY BDAY POOKI!! I HOPE YOULL HAVE THE GREATEST DAY EVER AHJGFSA SILLY GOOFY GOOBER ITS YOUR DAY TODAY AND GET THE MOST OF IT!!

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ mayuichi's property. do not repost, copy or translate without permission.

#/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ's writing #/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ's birthday gift #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact itto #genshin itto #itto arataki #arataki itto #itto genshin impact #genshin impact arataki itto #arataki itto genshin

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a-little-revolution · 2 years

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Hello! I have kinda a longwinded question about fantasy dwarves, ive read your posts about the topic and id like to know if what im considering is distancing the idea of 'dwarves' from the real history of little people. I have a homebrew d&d world where ive created a fair bit of worldbuilding for a number of fantasy races, dwarves included. Everything you were saying about fantasy dwarves makes total sense, and I dont want to perpetuate that, so I'd like to change my homebrew setting to be more respectful of LP and their history. Is changing the name and physical characteristics (i.e. Not having the species called dwarves, not having them be small humanoid mining people, etc) and including fleshed out characters with dwarfism in other races enough to distance this from real little people?

To make up for a potentially heavy question: all the outfits you post are Excellent, what are your favorite clothes to find and alter? Or, is there any piece in your wardrobe you really love/ are proud of? I dont alter too much of my clothing but i always treasure finding a pair of pants i can reasonably take in and make work for me! Thank you for always being so friendly and open in asks, its very much appreciated and I hope you're having a good day!

Hello! Thank you for these questions ^-^ I've noticed that a lot of dnd players and world builders are working to create more accepting settings for their players, which is a great endeavor for the world of fantasy.

Q: Is changing the name and physical characteristics (i.e. not having the species called dwarves, not having them be small humanoid mining people, etc) and including fleshed out characters with dwarfism in other races enough to distance this from real little people?

Solid question - I think that the only real way to distance real little people from fantasy "dwarves" is to drop the made up race all together, which you would already essentially be doing once you stray from the necessary characteristics that draw the parallel. Basing a made up race of beings off of a marginalized community shouldn't be happening - full stop. And it shouldn't be missed. Yes, freely include little people in the fantasy genre, but don't use their bodies to mystify them. Don't turn them into a class other than human.

And removing "dwarves" as a race classification is really just a drop in the bucket. Include real little people in ALL genres outside of fantasy. Create positive representation. Use media as a means of destigmatizing and romanticizing bodies like mine, and step outside of the written word; Fight for equality for real life little people, and by extension the entire disabled community. Take stands against inaccessibility, workplace and medical discrimination, healthcare inequality. Educate yourself on spoon theory, take up sign language, question the nature of the world we've built in the same way you do regarding gender, sexuality, race and mental illness.

Q: All the outfits you post are Excellent, what are your favourite clothes to find and alter? Or, is there any piece in your wardrobe you really love/are proud of?

Thank you so much ^-^ well I'm a really big fan of earth tones and mixed patterns - lots of browns, greens, blacks, and mustards. I love finding things that I don't have to alter, but when I must I like to adjust sleeves - skirts and dresses are a bit more work. Currently my favorite garment is the skirt seen in the top left photo (description: knee length polyester skirt that sits at high waist, black with diagonal matte gold stripes) which I love to pair with both green pallets and red and yellow pallets. Mostly I love to have a lot of witchy fun with my clothes :)

Photo ID: four photos of myself in various outfits over the last couple years. You see my hair go back and forth between green and brown. The first photo is a mirror selfie of me with my rollator, I am wearing a stripped black and gold skirt, and earth toned floral shirt with a black with gold stars scarf as a belt. On my black rollator hangs a totoro plushie and my mossy green jacket. In the second photo I am in a long black skirt and studded black leather belt, a brown sweater vest, and green button up and black beanie. My hair is short, curly, and dark green. The third photo is one a friend took, I am wearing my mossy green jacket that has a frog patch that reads "I may look grumpy but I'm happy to be alive", I am wearing a mustard and green scarf and matching purple pants and sweater. I have on round glasses and a peter pan inspired green beanie with a red feather. In the last photo I have my rollator again and am in front of a mirror, my hair is green and I have on red eye make up. I am wearing a mustard and brown patterned shirt with a green vest with gold floral embroidery. My skirt is brown with red and green roses on it, coming down to my knees. You can see part of my beet tattoo and crow tattoo on my lower right arm that holds my phone.

Elliot (they/them)

p.s tumblr has flagged me for my size before - I'll be 25 this august.

#asks #dwarfism #dwarfism awareness #disability #disability awareness #little people #dnd #dwarves #fantasy dwarves #fantasy

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rowavolo · 8 months

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Right when I was sniffing out some f/o asks too-

1. Pop — What's the sweetest or nicest thing your f/o has done for you?

2. Rock — What's something you and your f/o are proud of each other for?

9. Musicals — What colors/sounds/scents remind you and your f/o of one another?

Harbinger of your choice <3

Ooooh big thankies !!! :D

1. Pop — What's the sweetest or nicest thing your f/o has done for you?

I imagine Capitano does a lot of more subtle things to make sure im happy and comfortable, like putting himself between me and others, stepping in when i'm getting overwhelmed and making sure i have a way out, chauffeuring me around (mostly in modern AUs) but also just using his status to make sure im happy, healthy and not bothered. like im okay being a stay at home boywife for him!!!! this house will be the most maked home ever of all time

2. Rock — What's something you and your f/o are proud of each other for?

I think mine for Cap would just be .. the fact that he's managed to still stay soft and hopeful and kind even after all he's seen. Like, he doesn't immediately assume the worst despite being exposed to it day after day. He still takes time to enjoy the little things.

I think... The other way around, I guess, he'd be proud of my determination. I'm not always great about how i do it, but I've got a good record of continuing to plod along (thumbs up)

9. Musicals — What colors/sounds/scents remind you and your f/o of one another?

I think, colour-wise, he'd associate me with .. lush, deep greens. Not my favourite colour, or one I wear commonly, but I imagine that's high praise coming from Capitano. Considering how much he's grown used to bleak white snowscapes, or ash-strewn battlefields, something that symbolises life so strongly means a lot to him. I guess I have this cheesy idea about how i'd be that sort of colour to him since i sort of wormed my way into his life and made myself at home and kept him company during his down time to brighten it up a little.

For sounds, it'd likely just be the ambient sound of me ticcing and stimming, or echoing his words. Or just my general clatter around the house (i'm very clumsy). Scents would probably be sweets and/or berries. I love me some sweets. mhm.

Capitano... I'd associate him with deep navy blues, so dark that they're almost black, but sort of .. comforting in their absoluteness. And black, but with that slight matte sheen that almost looks a little silvery in some lighting. For smells, pine comes to mind, as well as just... general warehouse dust? alternatively, when he's just come back home, that cold windblown smell you sort of end up with when you've been out in the wind for a long time, with just a tinge of iron to it. Sounds would probably just be the clanking of his armour/rustling of heavy clothes, as well as his footsteps. Though I imagine when we're spending down time together he'll occasionally shuffle about and clear his throat even though he doesn't need to, just so I know he's still there and okay <3

#asks #general barks #ask games #capiro #self ship #my writing

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trashracoon · 2 years

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i. dear reader, sometimes you will be stuck in this dark, purgatory like place in your life. its gonna happen a lot, and its gonna happen more than that because of the blood that runs in you.

ii. poetry, poetry just flows from me now. thats what sadness does to you, it makes you pretty, it makes you flawed, it makes you desperate to survive. maybe i deserved better, maybe i didnt. we’ll never know, because i got it anyway. this is what i have now. my weight and my hands. dont know how to live with either.

iii. remember being a child? and thinking, im going to make myself proud one day. poetry has been building inside you since that day. you carried it in every assignment you made, every test you submitted. and the adults around you thought you were the prettiest thing. sadness makes people pretty, thats why my parents make sure im perpetually sad. its nice to look at. nice to be around. because its evidence of life. i was alive and in making sure i was, they were alive as well.

iv. babies, they cry when they are born dont they? the miracle of life is carried in our tears then. every time we cry, we’re reminding ourselves what it felt to be alive on that very first day. the skies cry too, i dont know why this is important. but it is.

v. it always rains for the first time on the day i was born. divine intervention. every drop on my pretty face says, dont cry today my love. let me do it for you. let me bear the burden of your existence this one day. and i let it. then i go back home and im pretty again, poetry flows from the cracks in my existence.

vii. i dont think people are meant to live like that. letting pieces of their soul slip with every step they take. but they do. we all do.

—written as a journal entry (which quickly turned into a letter for my father) post-breakdown, after a year of staying mostly sane.

I know this poem might seem to be saying that sadness makes you beautiful but please try to understand that what I'm really trying to say is my sadness makes me alive. When I say pretty, I don't mean my physical appearance, I mean the prettiness that comes out of the realisation of your humane flaws and short comings.

#poetry #og post #female poets #words #art #literature #love #quotes #poetry about love #poetry about trauma #tw: abuse #not direct but implied #poetsofindia #dead poets society

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kazimirfiles · 2 years

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Hi! Can I ask romantic matchup for bungou stray dogs and danganronpa thh?

i go by she/her pronouns, im 18, and i have no gender preference!

things i like: yellow, picnics on the beach, fruit water, black tea, old books, folklor, mythology, cultures, baking, hanging out with my best friends, animals, fancy earrings, theatre, pretty and rare words, summer, watching movies, reading, writing, telling funny stories, smiling conspiratorially to strangers and giving them flowers, drawing, fashion, psychlogy, true crime, dancing, All Tomorrows, old music, sarcasm

personality:

I'm very confident, dominant and assertive person. I voice my opinion, nobody dares to mess up with me. Also I'm calm, full of serenity and femenine energy. I just try to be myself. I appear a little cold but i'm fact I'm lively, sassy, charismatic and kind. And I try to be funny.

I love helping people and putting smiles to others faces. I'm mostly organised but I still can be very chaotic. I'm a hopeless romantic with my heart in everything I do. A bit of a night owl, I've always been fascinated by exploring old European cities and imagining the stories that lived in their streets. I'm a bit different from the rest of the group, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud of it! Not all can understand me, but those who take the time to get to know me know that I'm an invaluable friend and companion.

my appearance: I'm 5'7 with hourglass figure, and- and I think picrew is more detailed-

Yup, I look like this

I'd totally fall for person that intrigued me (I grew up in the middle of nowhere in Eastern Europe so I'm extremely curious about everything). It might be their dressing style, little personality trait, hobby, etc.

They just must have something that makes them diffrent. I find it hot bc they give me chance to learn something new.

I hate fake, toxic, abusing people, bullies, stalkers and catcallers. I dislike eating on town, bc it disgust me (I hate finding hair in my dinner)

Extra notes:

- My family calls me Vampire

- In random moments I sing songs about man killing his wife or about dead body in closet bc my mom sang this songs when I was younger

- I have specific sense of humor

- If I like someone I'd infodump about thing that I'm actually obsessed with

- My friends say that I'm just more kind and friendly Byakuya Togami. Or they say that I'm lost Addams or something

- I'd call my lover pretty words in other languages, bc I can. Also I'll draw them and I'll write poems about them

Have a good day/night!

HELLO! Thank you for sending in lé matchup request 😌

I match you up with…

Fyodor Dostoevsky

• After skimming through your stuff and rereading it again, Fyodor was honestly the only person I could think of. Besides Atsushi who was a close runner-up, I have a feeling that Fyodor would likely enjoy you more.

• Fyodor likely didn’t notice you at first. I’d say he most likely caught your eye first, given his unique style and appearance, you likely approached him first.

• It started most likely with a short compliment from you. You were traveling to Japan Yokohama with a few friends just for funsies and met him along the way. You and your friends were having a picnic on a beach. It wasn’t a very populated one, so Fyodor was likely hanging around there.

• You and your friends heard the sound of boots crunching on sand and rocks. You turned around and saw Fyodor, staring at you from afar with a poker face, and intriguing purple/violet eyes.

• He panicked a bit actually. He didn’t expect you and your friends to be where he’s at. Instead, he took a deep breath, kindly looked at each of your friends, then smiled while walking away.

• You were beyond interested in this guy. He didn’t look Japanese. Was his appearance interesting to you? Definitely. Those purple-ish violet eyes? Alluring.

• Fyodor wasn’t doing any too important business. Well, he was still working on his next step to his goal, so he decided to walk out and just think.

• Some of your friends were a bit creeped by the guy, but you still wanted to figure him out. You tried talking to Fyodor to see what happens.

• I have to admit, he may have been annoyed by you at first. He just wanted alone time at the beach and you and your friends happen to be there. What made him change you may be wondering? It was a specific trait and thing you did that made him reciprocate your interest in him.

• Your outspoken yet feminine nature intrigued him a bit. Such an interesting combo of a personality. He probed you more, asking questions about yourself and taking note of everything. He wasn’t completely obsessed with you, but he found your uniqueness interesting. He wanted to understand you.

• From then on, your relationship bloomed from there.

• Fyodor probably walks around in old European cities with you often. Even if you haven’t been to one, I can imagine that Fyodor would have the tools to bring you on a trip.

• He didn’t see it before, but he finds you pleasant to look at. Your hair, your face, your hourglass shape, he likes it all!

• He likes that you’re likely to voice your opinion. It’s certainly a respectable trait.

• Probably calls you vampire too with your family. How’d he find out you may be wondering? Well, it was probably him peaking over your shoulder and noticing a text from one of your family members calling you that.

***

Your Danganronpa THH matchup is…

Chihiro Fujisaki

• I honestly think that Chihiro might be the most ideal match for you. He finds your confident, bold, and caring personality is something the he exactly needs.

• Let’s say the killing game never was a thing and that Junko never decided to be a menace to society. You’re matched with a nondespair!AU of Chihiro. You probably met him through Mondo and Makoto when Mondo was helping Chihiro build up his physical strength.

• You met Makoto first, and upon meeting you, he felt the need to introduce you to Chihiro and of course Mondo. He thought that if Mondo helped Chihiro with physical strength, you’d help him with mental strength.

• The meetup was pretty short honestly. You and Chihiro got close from the first you two saw each other. As time went by, you guys just got closer!

• Thinks your vampire nickname is a bit strange and laughed at it first. Nonetheless, he decided he’s lightheartedly call you that a few times. And if you weren’t okay with it, expect a very panicked and heartfelt apology lol.

• Baking nights together! One time he did get a little frosting on his nose, to which you responded to that by scooping it off his nose with your index finger.

• Honestly, someone who’s tough-minded like you and more bold is perfect for someone like Chihiro. 100%!

I had a bit of trouble with Chihiro’s part but I did the best I could. Hope you enjoyed! Sorry if I missed anything but I did what I could.

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binders-and-beanies · 20 days

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Mental health updates under the cut I guess (tldr I’m still not ok but am taking steps to keep myself safe or whatever)

Told my supervisor I’m in crisis and he was super understanding n supportive n whatnot. We both are trans and have mental health issues and work in an lgbt center so one would hope it’s safe to be honest abt that kind of thing but it was a relief bc it also opened up a conversation abt scheduling moving forward n me having like 2 or 3 days off a week as opposed to the current 1 or 0. Esp since higher ups want me to work less anyways im like that’s totally fine bc i have a million things to do outside of work all the time.

Other thing I did was cancel a workshop I was gonna lead next week and it was a really hard decision. I would have been proud afterwards and I’m worried abt having regrets but I’ve done the same workshop before so it’s off the bucket list or whatev. Person in charge of that was also super supportive for similar reasons as above. It doesn’t solve the problem of there always being too many things stressing me out, and I don’t wanna set a precedent that I can just not do my responsibilities, but it eases a big part of the stress this month specifically.

Ppl in my life are saying they’re proud of me for setting that boundary and it’s weird to be praised for bailing on smth when I’m also feeling big guilty abt it but I gotta remind myself that being flakey is absolutely normalized in society and if ur average person can do so on the regular then I’m allowed to take One step back once it’s gotten to the point where my safety is questionable. I’d like to get to a point where things don’t get that serious in the first place but I’ve also never rly appreciated feeling blamed for being in this kind of position when the kind of things I’m busy with are mostly 1) things that are required for survival and 2) things that make it feel worth surviving. As if this is smth i do to myself bc i just <3 capitalism or smth

Im stressin tho bc as mentioned earlier my job is at risk for unrelated reasons which also means a lot of other things are at risk. This is happening at the same time I’ve just lost my insurance and have my biggest ever college bill to pay. And now I don’t know where I’ll be living or what that will mean for my finances either. It would also mean it takes even longer to qualify for any kind of credit, and therefore an apartment.

Even if nothing happens and I just keep working here for another year as planned it’s like can I not get JUMPSCARED w my livelihood being threatened like there’s literally always at least one Huge actual life or death problem as well as many other less catastrophic but extremely stressful things to deal w. I’m tired of living like that w no relief and I hate that the best case scenario is this fear ends up being for nothing. I hate that I’m thinking abt what I’ll do in x y or z scenario for this summer and my masters if this falls through, instead of enjoying the relief of one less thing on my plate.

I hate that this is how I’m doing the day after my birthday. I had a fun birthday weekend and am grateful for the people I spent it with and the places I went but it didn’t feel like genuine celebration it felt forced, like I was doing it because I Have to have a good birthday. Bc if one of the most important days of the year isn’t joyful then where’s the hope of any other days getting better. I did enjoy it I just couldn’t Feel the enjoyment bc I’m so stressed and I had major breakdowns before and after my bday. It sets a bad tone regarding aging and I want to celebrate progress but it’s hard when the future is more terrifying every year.

I feel like even if all my problems were magically solved, my ability to feel joy is permanently altered and it’s hard to imagine feeling anything more positive than just like, relief and rest. Idk I say all that to say I’m proud of myself for taking steps to make life more livable just like I’ve always done but it also feels kinda hopeless like nothing I do matters if it’s gonna be constant stress regardless

#mine #txt #personal

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kledface · 1 month

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One of the harder things I've been trying to do is learn how to not just accept myself, but love myself. If you know me, and my past, im sure you can understand that this isn't an easy thing for me. I've lived surrounded by hateful people who have a habit of seeing the bad in everything and are also rather manipulative. This means i don't have a great sense of, not necessarily right and wrong, but truth and lies, and that i also see all the bad in me. Mom has made some growth, but that doesn't means she's perfect, and some days i don't know which version of her im talking to until she starts heavily suggesting im a demon again or starts rambling about reptilians. These are both actually rather intense triggers for me, and im not proud of it, but just starting to thing about the reptilians is starting to make me panicky, and part of my journey is learning to respect myself for what brings me shame.

I am a man who has lived an uneasy life. I don't have a strong sense of trust in certain matters. I tend to have issues relenting control, which is a serious problem i've been working on. I have a number of unusual fears and beliefs. Some things in my life have been genuinely traumatizing where no one would expect trauma should be able to be formed. When was the last time you heard of someone who had emotional flashbacks because someone accused obama of being an evil alien? I have an unusual set of things which i can and cannot stand. I can't take a compliment because they always feel backhanded or ingenuine and gifts make me feel in debt to the giver, but feel free to beat the shit out of me i genuinely don't care. As my journey involves learning to respect these differences, it means not beating myself up when i find myself unable to match others. It means stepping outside of myself and hearing the negative voices and correcting them, and talking to myself like i would a close friend; no, i am not a failure because someone calling me pussy makes me want to cry when any other vile shit just makes me laugh. You've seen this specific word used in a way hat was specifically designed to hurt you for the ways you arent like others. Your pain is valid, and instead of beating yourself up over that which you can't control, why don't we learn to make this easier to deal with? You too are allowed to feel this pain. No, you do not need to degrade yourself for forgetting so ething youve known your whole life again. You know you have these memory issues, and you're still living a mostly capable life in spite of this, and thats something to take pride in; others in your situation may not be able to. We should honor them for their capabilities just the same as we should yours. Treating myself this way has provided me the ability to recontextualize my own thoughts, and while correcting the negativity is a forever work in progress, it does get easier with time.

Along with this, learning patience with myself is also a tough task. Being raised with harsh and unforgiving critics, i am a perfectionist, which means i struggle to forgive myself when i mess up and may give up entirely out of sadness and frustration. Getting over this involves a lot of learning to recognize that failure, too, is a part of learning, and that not everything thats not a success is a failure. These two terms are as subjective as good and evil in many cases, and while perfection is unattainable, the ability to recognize my attempts as flawed but workable isn't. Again, speaking to myself as i would another is key here. Its okay that you weren't able to get this leg right on the first try. Progress can't happen without movement and movement can't happen without time. Your imperfections do not mean failure, they just mean opportunity for another attempt, and with every error we can observe why we don't like it and what we can do to make it closer to our goals.

And one of the final things that has been difficult for me is learning to let go. I don't mean in grudges, i mean in the things that i hate about myself. This has been the hardest part so far, because it requires an intense breakdown of myself and all the things which make me, me, amd all the things that make me unhappy about that. Learning to let go of these things is like trying to let go of a jagged rock on a cliffs edge, because these things are, in fact, fundamental to my being, and to eliminate them would be to destroy a part of myself, but on the contrary, hating them is only hurting me, like acid in a vile, it will erode over time. Acknowledging the things i dislike and not necessarily learning to love them, but learning not to hate them, is the first step. An example of this; i hate my weight. I like to say i don't to try and help me overcome this, because really, i know im not getting rid of my belly, but it does make me unhappy. Breaking down why involves a lot of elf reflection. Why do i hate my weight? And a question like this can be heavily multi-faceted. I hate my weight because mom taught me that being fat is painful. I hate my weight because society expects cookie cutter people and we live in a world full of too many deserts for a cookie cutter to fit everyone. I hate my weight because it goes to show the difficulties i have with my mental health in a multitude of ways; depression manifesting in the lack of energy to fix it– Addiction manifesting in the alcohol that i haven't dropped the weight from– A bit of both and my trauma in the things i eat to take my mind off memories i cant stand to see for the 50th time today– The guilt that cones with caving to my bad habits when i know better. How does obe correct this? First, i need to learn to eliminate the hate. Correct the hate. And that involves breaking down expectations of myself and understanding that prejudice against me is also prejudice against people i love. Yes, being overweight can be painful to some, but not everyone. Many people live happy, healthy, fulfilling lives while being at least as, if not moreso, overweight than me, because weight is not a direct correspondence to health, and not everyone can or is willing to drop the extra pounds. My struggles are part of what makes me human,and while my coping mechanisms may not be healthy and my mental problems do have a rather severe impact on my quality of life, i am actively learning how to improve these things, and my habits can be kicked so i may continue to enjoy the things i do without them consuming my life. Societal expectations of me aren't much i can do about, but how i handle them is, and in finding others like me and people who like others like me, im learning to recognize that my differences can still be appreciated and loved even when the majority of people don't necessarily agree with people like me for being me. There is much more than just my weight which i hate about myself, but this is my example right now. In time, i wish to learn more than just not hating myself for my differences, but also tolerating and even loving myself for them. The first step is always the hardest though, ad so means letting go; of hatred.

I am cringe. I am different. I am in pain. But i am still me. I still deserve to be treated with respect. And in learning to respect, accept, and appreciate me for me, i am becoming a better person, and realizing a way to love more than ever before.

#kledface yells

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solardick · 2 months

Text

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

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carmenthabaddie · 3 months

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3 day juice fast 🥤

I am doing a 3 day juice fast. I’m gone drink green apple, ginger and celery for 3 days. And drink plenty of water. I’m doing this for health reasons. I lingering cough that will not go away. I tried everything. Tuesday going to my primary doctor and getting a referral to the lung doctor. I just want to be healthy and strong immune system. My immune system so fucked up.

I am doing this juice fast to eat better and lose weight and 2024 more juicing and more fruits and vegetables. Green leafy greens and vitamin C foods. I get weighed at my monthly mental health appointment and I went up to 229 from 222. I been in the 220s for a few years. I been maintaining my weight but I’m ready to lose more weight. Took my resistance bands out where I can see them and do workouts with them watching YouTube resistance bands workout videos and also my 5 pound kettlebells. But I’m mostly doing cardio.

I want get peloton but the seats be uncomfortable since I’m plus size. I want and need stop avoiding and making excuses on why I can’t go to the gym. I scheduled workouts in my digital planner and none of the days I scheduled I didn’t go. I don’t know how to drive and my family is older and by time my step dad gets off it’s late or raining and I try to be considerate since they doing me a favor. So im not gone stress about going to the gym until I can drive and take myself.

So I should start planning and scheduling my resistance bands, kettlebells, treadmill, and maybe Pilates and want get mini stepper and do mini stepper workouts. And schedule in my digital planner and hold myself accountable and my friend who have similar goals. Do this until I can drive.

I want to practice driving more. My step dad be too busy. I’m gone ask if we can practice before he works in the morning. Or wait for my grandma permanently move down here in South Carolina with us. It will happen. Patience is a virtue and I’m learning that some shit takes time. The more I do and consistent the faster shit manifest for me. I’m doing good. Proud of my growth and me taking control and creating my dream life. I’m the creator of my life. And people especially black women should know that we are creators of our lives.

I am gone start being strict and actually save money. And stop blowing my money. I need to be more responsible with my money. My family live above they means. February im paying my bills and saving $100 and don’t touch it. Save up for a IPad. I need a new tripod. Or save up Final Cut Pro to edit my YouTube videos. And plan my content , film , take photos, edit and post and have schedule and make hella content and not post it all in one day. And use my vlogging camera and give good advice for other black women growing, leveling up and on they glow up journey.

Created a budget, investment list, and my plans for 2024. I need to stick to my goals and hold myself accountable and put in work. Do what I say I am doing. Not depending on motivation but depending on determination, consistency, commitment, dedication , discipline. I am not perfect but I’m doing better and holding myself more accountable. I’m going hard all 2024. Praying this cough go away. Had this cough for months. Been dependent on sleeping pills and think it’s making me cough. I find it hard to stop getting high off sleeping pills. I take prayer cause this cough just won’t go away.

I’m gone start listening and reading more self help books and applying the information and sharing what I learned with other black women leveling up and glowing up knowledge is power. It’s my time to shine. Put myself first and others last. I deserve to have it all. I love who the fuck who I am. Spirit and my beautiful black ancestors all I need. My sp David will message me and follow on social media and stalk my post and be obsessed about me since I’m the definition of what a bad bitch all day everyday period.

I am doing good. I’m going so hard. I always get my way. Spirit and black ancestors in me and giving me hella spiritual abilities to help me rich and famous and love and be myself. I love who the fuck I am. I am gone practice singing more and start showing my singing as soon as I figure out how do it without copyright taking sound down. I’m blessed with singing abilities and dance abilities and beautiful face and body. My weight gone melt off and the number on the scale doesn’t trigger me. The number has nothing to do with my self worth. The old story is me extreme dieting. New story is me being happy and taking my time and not making me miserable on my weight loss journey. More juice fasting.

And gone learn more about Fin Dom and onlyfans and making X rated content. And men worshipping and praising and pleasing me and paying me. I’m going hard. And it’s me vs me. I am a icon and trendsetter. I’m bad bitch goals.

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