#but like. it feels good so fuck off

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

#zukka #zukka fanart #sokka #sokka fanart #zuko #zuko fanart #atla #atla fanart #avatar the last airbender #zukka fic rec #myart #yall. yall. dani. this FIC #first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec #it is SO GOOD #your prose? amazing #your insights on grief? life changing #THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust #'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis' #ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT #i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were #the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so #cute with their relationship?!!?! #'oh so you think i'm beautiful too' #GOD #i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy #also #'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone' #fuck. had me crying AGAIN #seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer #the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece

[wtfforged]

made it to enies lobby with my friend:)

this is a redraw. heres the original screenshot!

#wtf... art #See You Later... Sogeking... #Sogeking... blasting off Again.... #like i love this screenshot so much. the entire moment is fucking hilarious but this screenshot is just Good #um/ it feels unfair to tag sanji(just his stilts) and usopp(nothing but a booger in the mddle of the screen). so i wont. LMFAO. #idk its late im too sleepy to do my usual tag rambles and i did this all in one sitting and dont want to look at it anymore #one piece art #straw hat pirates #roronoa zoro #zoro #one piece zoro #cat burglar nami #nami #one piece nami #tony tony chopper #one piece chopper

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

#vanitas no carte #vanoé #doomed yaoi save me...save me doomed yaoi #play on the opening song + visual sequence + the fact that vanitas could only ever be happy in an alternate universe also #+ the other fun little fact we learn about him from episode one #i have complex feelings about this anime #its pretty damn fucking good #but im a leeeeetle iffy about the way it developed the female characters.....they had potential and i was actually excited to #to see some good solid female characters even the respective romances with their l/i's felt good at the start #not jeanne obv. they fucked up a perfectly good woman and her whole dynamic with v could have gone sooo well without the reall #really forced flirting behaviour.... i liked the more serious relationship they had it made me actually not hate what they had at the start #but yknow. whatever. sorry about going off about another ship on this but im just....i love jeanne a lot. i wish they didnt do her so dirty #my girl deserves better than this asshole #you want white/black dynamics??? let her get married to domi and then we can talk #i enjoy this show and i enjoy vanoe a lot #very yuriyaoi if you ask me #my art

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

#listen im only in episode two and i know there's some drama going down but im focusing on this lol #i love that not only do they show the angel using a wheelchair and being ambulatory #but they also visibly show them miracling innaccessibility issues so that they Can still use the chair #instead of just getting rid of the disability #part of my is conflicted bc im like... there's disabilities in heaven? and that makes Me sad bc my disability is hell and painful as fuck #But getting rid of disability in fantasy is eugenist crap and showing that god made a disabled angel is a net good thing #while it personally makes me sad to think if there was a heaven i could still be in pain all the time #not all disabilites are bad and need to be cured we're a wide spectrum and we've been fighting for disabled rep esp in fantasy for ages #it's objectively good my personal feelings about my own disability aside #part of me thinks it's cliche to say 'you were made perfect' bc they're an angel But it's not we literally havent had this type of rep lol #anyways it made me happy to see #and im so glad it's a power chair user that's ambulatory it's important for abled ppl to see that #anyways y'all keep your drama and spoilers off my post im not far in and im only talking about this shoo #oh also!! love the fantasy hover chair they use in heaven specifically too i wish we had that it kicks ass #p

[opens-up-4-nobody]

A victory for the Empire it would be.

#this fucking line echoes in my head all the time. i didnt get the expression right #just the way he says it. it sounds so absurd and he says it with such awkwardness. like the words feel painful #and silna is just staring at him like bro fuck off. hes a good lad tho #the terror #amc the terror #harry goodsir #silna

[thisismisogynoir]

I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.

#was going to make a post about how much i hate that women aren't allowed to hate their oppressors but i decided to spin it into something #positive instead #this is supposed to be the feminist site that makes reddit mgtow piss their baby diapers so let's go back to despising men and not coddling #their feelings and let's dye our hair blue while we're at it #i am so tired of this new wave of guilt-tripping and gaslighting women who hate men and don't trust or want to be around them #i hate how we're made into villainesses or the problematic ones for not valuing them in our lives or for wanting to guard ourselves or be #safe from our oppressors #and i'm tired of people who don't know the first thing about feminism being like 'BUT THAT'S TERF RHETORIC WHAT ABOUT X MINORITY MEN' #guess what women can also be x minority that you're trying to protect the men of and we get to hate men too #trans women are included when i say women btw and trans men are included when i say men #if anyone has the right to hate men more than anybody else it's trans women esp trans lesbians because they put up with so much shit #from men that even cis women do not and they especially know how vile men are behind closed doors #so #terfs fuck off #radfems fuck off #and if anybody tries to make this post more appeasing to men or 'not all men's this post you are getting blocked and hit with a hammer #feminism #misogyny #sexism #patriarchy #tw men #tw rape #tw abuse #misandry #terfs dni #radfems dni #feminists need to go back to being scary and unpalatable for men none of this 'but some of them are good!' bullshit #men are entitled to nothing from us #and if you try to prove me wrong then you are just proving my point if you have nothing good to say then simply keep scrolling #ok? ok.

[forcedhesitation]

astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #thoughts about media #astarion #*kisses his forehead* my awful little bastard man... i love you and your big sad watery eyes. #IT'S SO FUCKING QUIET THOUGH IF YOU YOURSELF ARE PLAYING HIM GOOD LORD #I'M SO USE TO HIM COMPLAINING TO MY TAV!!!! #OR BANTERING WITH HIM OR KARLACH OR WYLL!!! #I MISS HIS THEATRICS!!!!!!! #not that it's ENTIRELY quiet. until i found karlach i was travelling with shadowheart lae'zel and gale. #and let me tell you. gale and lae'zel do NOT shut the fuck up if they are together. #they were literally having an entire tinder date while we were trecking through the woods to go get karlach. #i NEVER knew they talk so much because while i've travelled with them individually in past saves... #...i've NEVER had them in my party at the same time! #gale is actually pretty nice to lae'zel! he asks a lot of questions but doesn't condescend her as he does others sometimes. #that's probably because he's afraid of her though. I would be too were I nothing more than a wizard with 8 strength. #I do like how you can look at pretty much any two companions and get a well written and generally enjoyable dynamic! #It feels like they considered that a lot of people would want to maybe pair off the companions they didn't romance with each other! #and wanted it to be easy for really any pairing to work... if a person just paid attention to their shared interactions.

[buckttommy]

and you know what the thing is, is i don't even think the biggest problem is going to be that buck's jealous. eddie knows buck. that's the love of his life, but more than that, he just knows him intrinsically. he knows how he is. he knows he gets insecure. he knows he has abandonment issues, like. he knows. he has never once hesitated to give buck assurance and he'll give it again (that scene in buck's loft in 7x05). the problem is going to rise when eddie's relationship with tommy is still a problem after their talk, and neither of them are going to know why. becuase from eddie's pov, it's going to be like, well now you're just being ridiculous. i already told you i love you (in so many words). i already told you we're solid, i already told you nothing's going to change and you're still being weird and i don't like it. and from buck's pov, it's going to be like. i realize we had this conversation, but i still don't like this relationship. i still want things to go back to the way they were. i'm still hungry for your attention and you're not giving it to me.

and so it's like. that's where the wires get crossed. because at some point, buck is going to have to examine his thoughts and feelings again, and he's going to be like, well this man and his relationship with eddie has been the only thing that's consumed my thoughts for weeks; therefore, i must want him desperately. and it's like. yes. solid thinking there, buck. definitely no other options it could possibly be. nuh uh. makes perfect sense. 1000/10 excellent problem solving, great job, buckaroo. dumbass.

#And there's also something to be said about Buck's reaction to hearing that Eddie and Tommy clicked because he's like... 'Yeah I know #exactly what that's like because (when I stopped being dumb) you and I clicked' #and considering Buck's brain I have to wonder if there's something there in the way he thinks Eddie processes his own relationships #as in: the key to having a good solid bestfriendship is clicking with someone right off the bat #so in Buck's mind he is (for lack of a better word) relegated to JUST friendship because he thinks that's how it is in EDDIE'S mind #So of COURSE he's freaking out about Tommy moving in on his best friend because as far as he's concerned #being best friends with Eddie is just about having a natural connection #and not about like. What you actually offer him. Which is so shallow. Buck knows him deeper than that #but he's so blinded by his own irrational paranoia (and queer feelings which are scary when you are a baby gay!) #that he doesn't even realize what the fuck is going on in HIS head since he's so focused on what he THINKS is going on in Eddie's #Bless his sweet soul i need to kiss him so bad like buck you're so fucking dumb let's make out #anyways

[longelk]

did you know kaycee's username on ebay is "Leshys_Gurl", we see from luke carders emails on the official inscryption site

just learned this and thought you should know, im in shock

WHY DID I ONLY LEARN THIS LIFECHANGING PIECE OF KAYCEE LORE JUST NOW OH MY GOD

#I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME KNOW #GIRL WHATS WRONG WITH YOU #sjdfhsdfsdffdhgdfhiohvofdvj9dug903r900f9 s00cmu0us0f #ask #kaycee hobbes #inscryption #im maintagging this everyone needs to know her fucking bymbo ebay username #good fucking grief i need to lay down #ive surprisingly never went to the inscryption website despite knowing about it forever #i went there to confirm this is real. luke bought a legendaria pack from her #also why the fuck was she alive in 2021 did she not die years before #mf selling card packs off ebay as a gost. god shes so fucking lame

[fleshadept]

the love story being so central to our flag means death really is mindblowing. i haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. it is, to its core, a romance. that was the point. the queer romance wasn’t written in in the second or third season because the fandom picked up on the homoeroticism and made a ship popular. it wasn’t added in because the fans demanded it or because the actors pushed for it later on it wasn’t forced into slowburn by a network it was there the whole time.

when stede showed ed his secret closet that was on purpose an allegory, when they shared the marmalade bread that was romantic intentionally, when they rowed away from the burning party boat and ed was looking at stede that was him FALLING IN LOVE . that's how it was WRITTEN. ed really actually leaned in and almost kissed stede in the moonlight scene. and then. they actually kissed! like i know this is months old news now but i can’t get over how fucking different this feels to other queer romances i’ve seen. it is the core and central plot of the show and it’s beautiful. it’s funny it’s cute it’s heartwarming it’s GOOD. they did it.

#i cannot emphasize how good it feels to have a queer story #at all first of all #but also a queer romance that didn't require the writers/network to be held at gunpoint for several seasons before allowing it to happen #comparing it to hannibal is interesting because hannibal was very much trying to be an openly queer story it was just airing on NBC #from 2013-2015 #so they couldn't #but even that wasn't planned until later on like it wasn't MEANT to be queer from the beginning #i have said before this show healed a part of my soul #sorry guys i'm emo today! #cricket chirps #just like. i knew they kissed when i STARTED the show and even then i refused to look at the obviously romantic scenes as romantic!!! #because so many fucking shows play it off as a joke or use it as queerbait or WHATEVER #ofmd #our flag means death #5k

[diseaseriddencube]

normal people: alastor is aggressive with lucifer because he's actually under the control of lilith and needs to keep him away/help charlie or sth

me: alastor is aggressive with lucifer because he saw someone with two ounces more power than him, someone who could help charlie more than he has and show him up as worthless, and he Is Not Having Any Of That anyways do you wanna hear my npd headcanons and why he is actually me and

#rave ramblees #hazbin hotel #i'm aware the first theory is probably correct lore-wise #but character-wise #it kinda is just..alastor..to hate anyone who could potentially look better than him #and i think he just likes to fuck with people honestly 😍 #like no you fucking idiots he doesn't have a father/daughter relationship with charlie out of nowhere #he's just acting like that to piss lucifer off #for the funsies #he's so me 😍 #like yes petty boy go #be petty and don't let anyone be superior to you you absolute KING #make that man feel SHAME for being an absent father YES!!!! #so YOU can be the good 'father' here #ugh i love him

[elvisqueso]

"...What is it?" "The drums...they mean trouble. I shouldn't be here—" "I want to see you again—" "I can't—" "Please don' t leave—" "—I'm sorry." "..." "...I have to go now."

—Pocahontas (1995)

#tfw ur really connecting with a guy and the fucking air raid sirens go off #pocahontas (1995) #disneyedit #pocahontasedit #pocahontas x john smith #pocahontas #john smith #they were all feeling a kind of way at the studio huh? #but fr like her look of panic when she hears the drums always stuck with me as a kid #and only now am i realizing the reason those drums are probably a Big Deal is bc her tribe JUST got done fighting a war with another tribe #she's been hanging out with smith all day. she doesn't /know/ that a scouting party had been sent out and one of her own got shot #she was just tailing the one guy on her own and then having a whole musical number and flirting n having a good time #and all of a sudden the red alert is blaring and now she's having war flashbacks #literally those drums could be for anything as far as she knows. i'd be on edge too. #also this lil animation sequence is so interesting #it strikes me as very 'old hollywood' in the blocking and the body language #it's the 'oh but we mustn't!' of it all #ahhh i'm a sucker for it every time #queso*edit #queso*gifs

[kaleidoskuls]

i NEED mike to casually mention jumping off the quarry and i NEED everyone who wasn't there to witness it to Freak The Fuck Out

#jumping off a cliff ? undeniable evidence that he is Not Okay #i wanna see their reactions SO BAD #especially will's #ahfjkfjsl itd be soooo good #byler #mike wheeler #if you have any fic recs for this i am More Than Willing to see them #(please 🙏😔) #also for some weird reason i feel like ive made this post before #eh fuck it #remi.pdf

[oldkamelle]

Still accepting Ideas? If so, Spy asking advice on Sniper on how to tell Scout that he is his dad.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 fanart #traditional art #traditional comic #pen doodles #oldart #mercs #(gently holds your hands) anon. what the fuck. /lh #this was such a behemoth of an idea cuz it raises so many questions?? #why would spy suddenly want to tell scout the truth given how he only chose to when scout was two seconds away from dying #(also. cant remember which comic this is but when spys about to drive off after scout begs him to take him as well #he only does so when scout mentions his ma so thats on my mind as well) #hes never shown like he feels the need to yknow #if spy decided to tell scout the truth why would he be asking for advice like wouldnt he want to keep it out of anyone elses business #(which fair enough wouldnt really happen given scout but eeh) #also he already did it good enough besides the cosplaying #and if spy for some reason was gonna ask for advice why would he go to sniper specifically #did i answer any of these questions in this mess? #the answer to that is the same as to 'do i have a good understanding of the characters' or 'do i have storytelling skills' #which is to say no #i also couldnt think of a way to make it funny to try and get away with that so i had to go with the more serious route so #anyway. sincerely hope its good enough anon (thumbs up)