#but life was pretty hectic so i kept forgetting

[0san-ta0]

I Wish I Could Forget About You| g. clarkey (Part 2)

synopsis ★ george and y/n have been on 'break' for a while, leaving them both miserable and reflective. when they finally meet again the heart finally gets what it wants.

pairing ★ fem!reader x george clarkey

author's notes ★ hi! hope you're having an amazing day/night! sorry for the long wait life's been pretty hectic but I hope you enjoy!! <33

it had been a month since you sat in your living room and watched george drag his stuff out of your apartment. you had to be honest with yourself, the first two weeks were hell. of course you had partially become accustomed to george not being around but, back then there was the tiny thought in the back of your mind that he would return to you. now as the days kept moving you started to think that maybe he never would be back. your time was made even worse as george hadn't stopped texting and calling the entire time and you were stupid enough to listen to his voicemails which left you in absolute shambles.

he begged you to take him back, he begged for you to atleast let him hear your voice or to atleast look at him. the day he left he returned to his shared apartment where he walked past his friends without as much as a hello and holed himself up in his room. the boys could feel the sadness emanating from him as his door slammed shut and they could only imagine what he had went through. george sat on the floor infront of his bed and cried, for the first time in years he let tears flow down his cheeks. he hadn't realised how badly he fucked up. how his actions towards you had hurt you so much. he didn't blame you for leaving, he couldn't blame you for leaving. but god, the two weeks were the worst he had ever had in his life. not being able to see your face, to touch your skin, to even just smell your perfume was driving him mad. coupled with the immense bullying he faced from all his friends after he relayed the events from the night before, his life was horrible.

both arthur's were your biggest advocates when george started ranting to them about your decision. they both had been big in reminding him that he needed to make sure that he was giving you adequate love and attention because you were amazing to him. now it was them drilling it into his head that in this case he was absolutely in the wrong and that all they could advise him was to apologise to you and try to take accountability. but it was hard to apologise when you refused to even read his texts. he needed to try though because without you it felt pointless living. after the second week he decided that he would give you space to think and process what was happening and honestly, he hated it even more than just being away from you.

from your perspective, you were equally or even more miserable. you were second guessing your decision, wishing only to kiss and make up with george. the voice in the back of your head reminding you that you need to stand your ground and get a decent relationship. putting aside your morals now, wasn't going to help the situation or get george to miraculously change his ways.

you spent your days wandering around your apartment rearranging everything, hoping it would erase the memories. but it only ended up being a sick joke as everything you touched made you remember george. the couch where he would lay in your lap whilst you watched your favourite movies or the kitchen where he would place you on the counter and kiss you senseless. you missed his you touch, his scent, his presence, you missed everything about him.

a knock sounded on your door and you turned your head to stare at it. a groan escapes your lips as you stand, sulking towards the door. leaning forward you look through the peephole and your eyes are met with a familiar head of blonde hair.

"y/n, please. I know you're there. I just....." he trails off taking a breath, "I just need to talk to you. please, I can't take it anymore."

his voice through the door was muffled but you could hear the hesitation in his voice. through the peephole you watched as his shoulders slumped and ran a hand through his hair.

before you have the time to register what you were doing, your hand reaches forward to unlock the door. outside george's head perks up and comes face to face with you. his eyes are bloodshot and puffy, his skin blotchy and red. your heart felt heavy as you stared at his disheveled appearance, regretting every decision she had made leading up to this moment.

he opened his mouth to speak but before he could say a word you put up your hand to stop him. "george?" was all she could muster before you felt tears threatening to fall again.

"sorry for showing up unannounced. I just really needed to see you, honestly life's been horrid without you. and I know that you leaving was all my doing but all I need is a minute of your time to apologise. if after that you don't want to take me back then that's fine but please just listen." he sputters out, eyes burning into yours.

you give him a simple nod of your head and he continues. "I've spent the past few weeks listening to arthur giving me shit about how I acted towards you and I can tell you now that the way I acted towards you was absolutely disgusting. you have every right to hate me but I just need you to know that I'm sorry. and I know that sorry can't even begin to fix what we had but i just need you to know that I understand what I did and I promise to you that I will never ever let you become a second place in my life. I promise that if you forgive me that I will never ever take you for granted again because being without you has been the worst experience of my life and I never wish to experience.."

then your resolve snapped and all you could do was lean forward to press your lips to his, effectively cutting off his rant. his arms snacked around your waist and your arms found their way to his shoulders. you'd missed moments like these, moments where it felt like you were the only two people in the world, where you felt like wanted and needed.

pulling away you stared into his eyes for a brief moment. "I missed you too george. But, if you think for a moment that I will ever let you hurt me again and be as forgiving as I am now then you're sorely mistaken."

he gazed at her, nodding quickly, "thank you for giving me another chance. you have nothing to worry about and If you ever believe that I'm not loving you enough then you can leave, no questions asked."

#george clarkey #x reader #chaos crew #george clarkey imagine #george clarkey x reader #fluff

[blackshadowswriter]

Announcement and mini life update?

Hey everybody! This is super late, like a month after I intended to get back on here, but I'm very sorry for the long unannounced hiatus. I know it's been like two months since I've actually been active, not just popping in briefly, and even longer than that since I've posted new work.

I didn't intend to take this long of a break, but school was hella hectic, and I needed to focus on my exams to make sure I didn't, you know, fail spectacularly. Happy to say that they did go pretty well, so I guess those hours I spent crying over my biology notes weren't wasted.

I meant to come back after that, but then my family and I took a vacation immediately after my finals with relatives and friends all the way from the other side of the world, so yeah, that was also pretty busy.

I also meant to come back after that, but I crashed after that vacation, sort of like a post-concert depression but for vacation, which doesn't make a lot of sense, but anyways.

Then after that (I just sound like I'm making a shitload of excuses now, and I'm so sorry), my summer courses started, and it is quite fast-paced, like one essay due every week. I am still currently in said summer class, so I can't promise that I'll be back back since a lot of my effort is going into that class, and I also have a job to focus on, but I will definitely be more active.

I know a lot of you have tagged me in stuff and sent in fic requests, and I'm once again very, very sorry that I haven't responded/written the requests yet. I promise I have looked at them and loved every single one of them but just haven't had to time to respond or write them yet. But I do promise I am working on them though! Very slowly since my focus is kinda divided right now, and I lost my writing muse a few months ago, but I feel like I am slowly getting it back. I'm also dealing with some life/personal things as well, so please, please be patient with me 🖤

Thank you to all of you lovely souls who're hopefully still there with me, ilsym 🥰🖤

#life update #kinda i guess #i really did mean to put this out a while ago #but life was pretty hectic so i kept forgetting #this was an oddly personal note #so if it sounds awkward that might be because i suck at talking about personal stuff 💀 #but anyways #thank you sm to all of you sticking around #and ofc to my bestie as well ily 🖤

[billyhargrove-s]

Just To Ourselves |B.H.|

pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

a/n: I hope you all enjoy, Billy's a little OOC in some moments but makes up for that in others.

Warnings: mentions of shitty parents, alcoholism, domestic violence (reader and Billy's home life's are pretty similar), school fights, minor angst? fluffy ending (please lmk if I missed anything!)

summary: you and Billy have been dating for 6 months, only your classmates think you hate each other.

word count: 4.26k

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To the general public of Hawkins High, you were cold, heartless, a bitch. All of those had been used as words to describe you. All of them were probably true, as much as it hurt you to admit. These things became especially true when Billy Hargrove moved into town, walking around like he was a god amongst men. Truly it pissed you off, you were the one who ruled the school before him, and to have him just waltz in like some pretty boy from California and act like he owned the place? It irked you like no other. The entire school knew it too, you hated him, and he hated you. 

That was the natural order of things. Everybody needs some sort of “friendly” rivalry in their lives. Even if that friendly rivalry was petty insults and lashing out at one another. Your morning had already been a hectic one, with your mother yelling obscenities at you for going to bed late and then waking up 15 minutes before you had to leave. Even if she was the one that kept you up late with her drunken rampage. Can’t forget about her yelling about clogging up the phone line for 30 minutes. Needless to say, you weren’t in the mood for anyone's shit. A typical Monday morning if you were being honest.

You opened your locker, preparing to grab the text book you’d need for biology when it slammed shut once more. The smell of expensive cologne and cigarettes invaded your senses as you turned around to look at the culprit. Even though you knew who it was before you even turned around. 

“Hargrove.” You muttered, staring into blue eyes that were blatantly taunting you. There he stood, in a denim jacket and half-buttoned shirt with Tommy H. and some other dimwit behind him like some sort of posse. 

“Y/L/N” Billy replied, hand still above you, keeping your locker shut. He was looking down at you, like you were some sort of frightened animal caught for his entertainment. “Surprised you came to school today.” 

“And here I thought I had walked into a Sally’s Beauty Supply with the amount of hair product I can smell in your bird's nest.” You said, your lips curling upwards in a smirk. The guys standing next to you laughed at your comment before Billy glared at them causing them to rush down the hallway to whatever class they had first. “Ouch Y/n” He said, clutching his heart in fake injury. “That one hurt, at least I don’t look like I just rolled out of bed.”

“Are you sure about that?” You asked, pointing at his chest where skin was showing through his shirt. He shuddered at the contact, and while his friends didn’t notice it, you did. The girls to your left were fawning over that golden skin peaking through his chest and your anger only seemed to grow more.  “I think you missed a couple buttons there Hargrove.”

“So you’re checking me out? I always knew you had the hots for me.” He said and you rolled your eyes. His friends laughed at his joke, patting him on the back and hyping the blond boy up. “One day you’ll wake up and realize you want me.” 

“In your dreams.” You told him, pushing him out of your way and opening your locker back up. “Can you piss off now? The amount of hairspray you have right now is making me lose brain cells.” 

“Didn’t know you had any to begin with.” He mumbled, finally walking away you scoffed, grabbing the textbooks you needed and slamming your locker shut before hurriedly walking in the opposite direction to your biology class.

Mrs. Norris, was in her 60’s and a stickler for students being on time to her class. If they weren’t, they were likely to be given a pop quiz and if they failed that pop quiz they were given detention. So, when you hadn’t crossed the threshold of her classroom before the bell rang, she gave you a look and pointed at the desk near hers. 

As other students began to work on their bell work, you got the pleasure of taking the ten question pop quiz. The worst part about it was that it didn’t even boost your grade if you did well, it was just a tactic used by her to humiliate her students for being tardy. As if there weren’t worst things in the world. 

You handed her back the quiz, completely guessing on most of the questions. Biology was never your best subject and you realized that you might as well just take the detention rather than waste time trying to figure out the correct answers. You handed her the quiz and made your way back to your seat next to Tina who gave you a look of pity before sliding her notes over to you to copy what you missed. 

“Thanks.” You sighed defeatedly, beginning to quickly write down your notes. 

During independent work time, Mrs. Norris slapped your pop quiz down on the desk where a neatly written D- sat clearly at the top of your paper. 

“Detention Ms. Y/L/N.” She said, looking down at you from your nose and you bit your lip. You looked down at your thumbs and took in a deep breath. “Saturday Morning.” 

“Okay.” You said and she walked away satisfied with sending yet another student to detention.  As the bell rang you made your way to your locker once more, shoving your biology notebook and textbook inside before grabbing your gym clothes and making your way to the locker room. As you began to change into your gym shorts you heard girls talking about Coach Parker saying something about the mile. You groaned mentally, while you usually didn’t mind running the mile, you usually had a bit more sleep and a bit more pep in your step, compared to today where the world felt like it was crashing down on you.

Still, you wound up lining up on the track next to Billy and his friends. This was one of two classes you had with the King of Hawkins and he eyed you from his spot next to Tommy. When Coach Parker blew his whistle, you began to run, only the effort wasn’t worth it seeing as Tommy kicked out his leg, causing you to trip. 

“Jesus Hagan!” Coach Parker yelled as everyone around you ran further onto the track, leaving you in the dust. Lifting yourself up, you rolled to sit, bringing a bloody knee to your chest. As you examined your knee you noticed Tommy trip and fall himself and a head of blond hair running away from him was the cause. “Alright Y/L/N, why don’t we get you to the nurse and get that cleaned up.”

You sighed and limped your way to the nurses office.

_____

Finally, the bell for lunch rang and you could finally take your break. For you, lunch meant sneaking out to your car where you’d smoke a cigarette and relax a bit until it was time to go back inside. That was your daily ritual and nobody seemed to stop you, so day after day you’d find yourself sitting in the driver's seat of your car, and a cigarette in between your lips. After today, that break was desperately needed and you felt yourself walking the thin line between everything is fine, to complete and utter breakdown.

“Got room for one more?” A familiar voice said, knocking on the side of the passenger window, letting himself into your car. You fumbled with your lighter, throwing it on the floorboards when it didn’t ignite. 

“Piece of shit.” You muttered around your cigarette, looking up at the blue eyed beauty in your passenger seat who was staring at you with a small smile.

“Allow me.” Billy spoke, he cupped your cigarette with one hand and lit it with the other, beforing doing the same to his own. He leaned back in his seat, exhaling smoke. You don’t even remember when he became a part of your daily ritual. He just did, and despite the rocky start the two of you had the day he moved to Hawkins, when he stole your parking spot and made it his goal to drive you absolutely batshit insane for the rest of the year. The both of you quickly realized that the other’s company wasn’t too bad, and that the two of you had more in common than you thought. “Are you doing okay?” 

“Never better.” You replied, sarcasm dripping from your voice. Throwing your head against the back of your seat you sighed loudly. “God, today’s just been-”

“Shit?” He asked, taking a drag of his cigarette and turning his head to face yours. 

“Yeah, shit.” You said with a pitiful laugh before listing all the reasons your day was shit. “My mom’s mad that I woke up late, even though she was drunk and kept me up last night, and she’s mad I clogged up the phone line, then I got to Mrs. Norris’ class after the bell and failed the pop quiz resulting in a detention, and of course Tommy just had to trip me because why wouldn’t he.”

“I told him it wasn’t cool, is your knee okay?” He asked. 

“Bloody and bruised, but I’ll live. Thanks for getting him back for me.” You laughed softly, remembering how Tommy had fallen and Billy’s glare the minute he tripped you. 

“Least I could do, especially after holding you up on the phone last night.” Billy gave you a wink and you rolled your eyes taking a final drag from your cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray you kept in your car. “Have I told you that you look beautiful this morning?”

“I believe your exact words were ‘at least I don’t look like I just rolled out of bed’” You teased him by getting close to his face and sticking your tongue out.

“Well, you said I smelled like a Sally Beauty Supply store,” He teased back. “Might’ve hurt my ego abit, besides I thought you liked my hair all done up, I did it for you ya know. That’s why I came to pester you this morning, I just couldn’t get you out of my mind all night.” 

“It looks great dear.” You told him, reaching over and taking a curl in between your fingers. 

“What day do you have detention with Mrs. Norris?” He asked, blowing smoke out of his lips and snuffing out his own cigarette. 

“Saturday morning.” You said with a frown. “I can try to hang out after, but my mom isn’t going to be happy about my detention in the first place. Maybe she’ll be in a good mood, or passed out drunk somewhere, or just gone.”

Billy said nothing about your mom. He didn’t need to, his own father was the same way. Harsh and abusive words constantly thrown at him and many nights between the two of you resulted in broken promises against your will. That’s why the two of you worked. You both knew you’d never willingly cancel on each other unless it was the fault of your mom or his dad. It was nice to have someone who understood, compared to your past partners who deemed it as your fault. 

“We’ll figure it out, we always do. But for now, it’s time to go inside.” He said looking at his watch at the time. As it always did, your daily ritual came to an end. He placed a soft, slow kiss on your lips before brushing a strand of hair from your face and kissing your temple. “I’ll see you later baby, I love you.” 

“I love you too.” He said back. The L word took time for both of you to admit to the other. You didn’t come from healthy happy families who tossed it around with their please and thank you’s. You came from families that sometimes felt like they didn’t even know what love was. With Billy though, you felt like you finally knew.

He opened your car door, stepping out into the parking lot examining the cars around him. Making sure no one had seen the two of you. As pathetic as it was, you both had appearances to uphold, as two coldhearted people in a rivalry with each other. God, if only the rest of Hawkins knew. You waited for Billy to get inside the double doors before following suit, grabbing your backpack from the back seat and making your way back inside. 

_____

“Did you hear?” Tina asked Friday morning, appearing at your locker out of nowhere. Black hair halfway pulled up to showcase her bright pink hoop earrings. 

“Hear what?” You asked, obviously you hadn’t heard anything because you had just pulled into the parking lot approximately 30 seconds ago before rushing into the building to grab your books for your biology. It was storming outside, and you were drenched and shivering as you cursed yourself for not bringing a jacket with you.“I just showed up.” 

“Billy Hargrove absolutely pummeled Tommy Hagan this morning. They had to be dragged off of each other. Tommy got a couple licks in but nothing compared to Billy.” She said and you did your best to hide your worry for Billy. 

“Aren’t they like, best friends?” You asked, even though you knew they were anything but. While at first, Billy was using Tommy as a way to climb the social status of Hawkins High, he quickly realized that he didn’t even need Tommy. To the school he was a shiny new toy, and his attractive and charming nature practically handed him the throne. Now, Tommy was more of a lost puppy he couldn’t get rid of. 

“That’s what I thought, but apparently Billy told Tommy he was dead to him and the next time he spoke to him would be the last.” Tina said, gossiping was in her nature. Admittedly, you usually loved the drama and gossip that went around the school. That's why you were best friends with her. Today though was completely different, and you only wanted to find Billy and ask him what the hell had happened. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t be able to until gym, because the 5 minute bell just rang and you had to get to class early unless you wanted to face the wrath of another pop quiz from Mrs. Norris. 

The entirety of biology, you felt extremely antsy, ready to get up and leave at any given moment. Tina noticed, but didn’t say anything. She knew you hated biology and just decided that was the reason you were antsy. 

After a long discussion about the human heart, the bell rang and you rushed out of Mrs. Norris room, stopping by your locker to stuff your gym clothes into your backpack and hoping to meet Billy before he changed into his gym shorts. You finally saw him making his way towards you, shorts slung over his shoulder and a scowl on his face. His cheekbone had a small cut on it and you looked at him with concern evident in your eyes.

“What the hell happened to your face Hargrove?” You asked as he walked by you. He stopped briefly to look at you, and then looked at the people surrounding you. 

“Not here.” He spoke before quickly gesturing for you to follow him into the hallway that led to both the boys and girls locker room. He pushed you into the girls bathroom, looking down the hallway to make sure nobody saw when he followed you in as well, locking the door behind him. 

“Billy, what happened baby? Tina told me you got into a fight with Tommy?”  You asked, grabbing his hand. His knuckles were already red and bruising, and you gently ran your thumb over them. 

“Yeah, he, uh, he said some things.” Billy said, his voice cracking. 

“He’s always saying things Billy, the kid never shuts up.” You pushed, still wondering why Billy had reason to fight Tommy. 

“No, he was saying things about you Y/n.” He said, looking you dead in the eye as he grabbed your hand in his. 

“Like what?” You asked cautiously. Quite honestly you didn’t know where this could be going. 

“He told me that he learned about your mom being drunk, and how he saw her hitting you one night while he was heading to Carol’s. And apparently, he saw ‘some guy’ sneaking into your window the same night. He wanted to tell the entire school that you were whoring yourself out because mommy doesn’t love you.” Billy told you, letting out a shaky breath after he was done speaking. “So I punched him, and well things just kind of went from there.” 

“Billy, you know you don’t need to fight my battles for me.” You said in disbelief. While the school didn’t really know about your home life, you knew they’d find out eventually. Same thing with you and Billy’s relationship. The school didn’t know, but they would. Some things could only be hidden for so long.

“He was laughing the entire time he told me y/n.” Billy snapped, his short temper making an appearance. His fists were clenched and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes before exhaling. “Like it was just some sick joke. He doesn’t get it, half of the people in this shitty town never will.”  

That’s when it clicked for you. Tommy’s comments felt personal to him. While your home life wasn’t the best, neither was Billy’s. You both came from similar backgrounds that somehow drew you towards the other. You only stepped forward, grabbing his face in your hands and kissing him harshly. 

“I’m tired of hiding you.” Billy whispered when you pulled away. He grabbed your sides in his large hands and pulled you as close as he could, pressing another kiss to your lips. “I want everyone to know that you’re mine.” 

“Then why don’t they?” You asked, kissing his jawline softly. He only laughed and squeezed your hips. 

“Trust me, they will.” He said kissing your temple and wrapping his arms around you. “They’ll know that they can’t say shit about my girl without some sort of consequences. Tommy was just an example.” 

“Well, we’ll certainly turn heads.” You told him. “But for now, we have gym class. And just remember, once people know we can’t go back from that, public spotlight and all that.” 

Billy groaned and nodded, agreeing. He was already in a shit load of trouble from pummeling Tommy earlier, meaning his weekends were looking to be bleak for the foreseeable future. If he got into any more trouble today his father would probably have an aneurysm. Meaning, he couldn’t take you far away from here and skip the rest of your classes. 

You walked out of the bathroom first, making your way down to the locker room to quickly change into your gym clothes before making your way into the gym where most of your class already was. It was still raining, meaning you’d be inside. The guys were probably playing basketball and working on techniques while Coach Parker let the girls do whatever, even if it meant sitting on the bleachers and ogling the guys. You wouldn’t complain though, as long as you got to watch Billy play. 

You found a spot next to Tina, who was filing her nails on the bleachers. The two of you were on the third bleacher, where you’d be away from any stray basketball that made its way towards you. 

“Took you long enough.” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“Couldn’t find my gym clothes,” you said, blatantly shrugging her comment off. The boys began to play their game, skins vs shirts, and you held back a scowl when Billy was chosen as skin. All eyes were on him now, and most of the girls had stopped what they were doing to watch. 

“Look at that shiner on Billy’s face,” Tina said. “Can only imagine what Tommy’s looks like. I heard that they’re separating them so they don’t have classes together.”

“How did you hear that already? I left you for like 5 minutes.” You asked her bewildered. One thing that you could never figure out in your many years of friendship with the girl was how she always knew everything about everyone. 

“Trust me babe, I have my ways.” She told you, before leading into another tangent. “Plus! I also heard that Hargrove was just spotted going into the girls bathroom with someone!” 

Your eyes grew wide. Nobody could have seen the two of you in there, could they? You seriously doubted that they had, Tina would’ve known who it was with him in the bathroom. Your eyes drifted towards Billy who was taunting some sophomore with the ball. Making it seem like the kid could get it before dribbling around him and dunking it. 

“Woo!” He yelled with a laugh that made your heart skip a beat. Watching Billy on the court never seemed to get old with you, it was one of your favorite things. Maybe because you didn’t get to witness it often. He caught your eye, sending a wink your way and Tina gasped. 

“Oh my god-” She whispered loudly, drawing the attention of the girls in front of you. Panicking, you put your hands over her mouth. The two girls turned back around as cheers erupted from the court once more. 

“Quiet!” You whispered back. 

“You and?” She squeaked, and you only nodded. Knowing you wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise. “But you hate each other!”

“As it turns out, we don’t!” You told her. “We’ve been keeping it quiet, so as hard as it is, as my best friend I need you to keep it quiet as well, at least until we’re ready.”

“Scouts honor.” She said, and you let out a breath, the tension in your shoulders disappearing  at once.  “How long?”

“How long what?” You mumbled, knowing that this was only the beginning of many questions. 

“How long have you been together stupid!” She asked. 

“A couple weeks after he got here.” You said sheepishly. While you knew you shouldn’t have kept your relationship with Billy a secret from your best friend, you knew she’d let it slip out by accident. Gossiping was in her nature. Frankly, you were surprised it took her this long to figure it out. 

“That’s like 6 months Y/n!” 

“Yeah I know, I just-,” You stopped yourself, trying to figure out the words you were trying to say. “We just wanted to have something to ourselves for a bit. I know that seems selfish, but nobody knowing was honestly really nice. We’re already talked about enough as it is, throw a relationship into the mix and it’s just people causing problems to cause problems.”

“I get it, but you should’ve told me.” She said, grabbing your hand and giving you a reassuring squeeze. “We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, you know you’re the only person whose secrets I keep.” You laughed at that and so did she. Billy smirked at you from the court and you felt your cheeks grow hot. “God, how did I not notice sooner! So all of those times I told you about him with some girl?”

“It was always me.” You laughed. 

“Damn, you’re good.” She said and Coach Parker finally blew his whistle, ending the basketball and telling everyone to go change back into their regular clothes. You changed your clothes, and grabbed your backpack, walking back to your locker to grab your textbooks for your class after lunch. Typically, you always came back with barely any time to stop by, and it was just easier to grab it now rather than later. 

Shutting your locker, you jumped when you noticed Billy leaning against the one parallel to yours. He was grinning at you and you raised an eyebrow. 

“What are you doing here Hargrove?” You asked and he only looked around at all of the eyes staring at the two of you. 

“This.” Billy said before placing one hand on your cheek and the other at the small of your back and kissing you, square on the lips. Right in front of what felt like the entire school. He pulled away and you let out a heavy breath.

“Why’d you do that?”

 “I told you, I’m tired of pretending you’re not mine.” He spoke gruffly. “And Jake Miller was talking big game about asking you out on a date in the locker room, and I don’t want his slimy hands anywhere near you.” 

“You’re ridiculous.” You mumbled, placing another quick kiss on his lips. Grabbing his hand, you began to drag him outside to your car. “Come on, it’s time for lunch.”

“Want to skip?” Billy asked as he situated himself in the passenger seat. “We both already have detention tomorrow anyways.” 

“Why am I beginning to think that you fought Tommy because you wanted detention with me?” You teased him and his cheeks grew red. 

“I plead the 5th.” He mumbled and you laughed, throwing your head back as the sound escaped your lips. You turned your key in the ignition. 

“You totally did.” You said calming down from your laughing fit. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere, as long as I’m with you.” He said cheesily and you rolled your eyes. 

“Lover’s lake it is.”

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#billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #billy hargrove imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #x reader #billy hargrove fic #billy x reader insert

[hugheshugs]

the unknown remedy | t. bordeleau

au masterlist

part four. <- prev part

summary: thomas shuts himself off from everyone for a couple days, resulting in a surprise from you and his friends. you find out one of his secrets and he gets vulnerable, leading you to reassure him that everything'll be okay.

contains/tw: smoking, heightened feelings/anxiety, bren being kinda irritating, thom being a sad boy, vulnerable thom, light mentions of abuse.

pairing: dbf(dad's best friend)!thom x reader

word count: 2.8k

note: i know this took probably over a month so i'll be surprised if anyone's still invested. its bit different from the dbf!thom we know and love but he's got feelings too and i wanted to show them :) hope you guys like it <3 and remember to send me an ask or comment or message me if u wanna be added to the daddy issues taglist !!

six days.

it's been six days since you and thomas last saw each other. you thought he was avoiding you, partly because the morning after you slammed the door in his face you were greeted by a tide pen sitting on the floor right outside your bedroom.

his intentions weren't to make it seem like he was ignoring you but clearly your brain had other plans. you spent the next couple days with heightened anxiety whenever any of your dad's friends came over out of fear of facing him.

you got to know a lot of them pretty well, actually, and you'd even noticed a slight change in your dad's behaviour. he was.. happier. it was a good look on him. spending time with his friends really seemed to change him for the better and you wondered why they hadn't been around throughout your childhood. why did he only find it important for them to come around when thomas moved back?

you tried not to think too much about it, it wasn't very important anyway. you wondered where he's been but kept those thoughts to yourself knowing you'd see him eventually and you'd get the chance to apologize.. if you gained the courage to do do.

and thomas, well, he wasn't having the best time of his life per se. things had been great the first couple of weeks but with a hectic schedule and a busy mind, he found himself crumbling. he felt like he was the base of a mountain carrying the weight of the world on his back.

"i haven't seen bordy in a long time."

your head peaked up at ethan's words, carefully eyeing the bunch who began to share questioning glances.

"... i haven't seen him since like, last week. i don't even think i've heard from him since then," nick realized and you held back a frown. how had you been the one to notice his disappearance before they had? it was the one thought that ached to leave your mind.

"i've been texting him," your dad spoke up and you smiled. of course he'd been.

"he's really stressed. he's got lots going on right now and he doesn't know how to handle it by himself but he refuses to ask for help," he explained with a small scoff at the end. "stubborn son of a bi— uhh, bickle."

you rolled your eyes at his pathetic save, as if you didn't cuss when he wasn't around. the group began pondering upon all the reasons why thomas had been distant, seemingly forgetting the fact that your dad directly told them he was stressed.

it seemed as though this was unlike him no matter how heavy his heart felt. you felt guilty listening to their conversation, obviously his business was probably something he didn't want you knowing.

"why don't we go check on him later?" mackie suggested as he took a sip of his water. "bring some food and have dinner, maybe. who knows if he's been taking care of himself.."

you felt a nauseous pit in your stomach at the thought of how poorly he may have been doing. had he even been able to get out of bed? brush his teeth, remember to drink water? you were frozen in your seat as your mind ran in circles.

"yeah, that sounds like a good idea," your dad agreed. "i guess we'll leave when hunter gets home. he should be back in a bit."

--

the hood on thomas' head softly brushed against his cheek as he turned towards the sound, tickling his skin. he lightly chuckled to himself when he spotted an innocent squirrel running across the street.

with every inhale of the poison between his fingers, remedy filled his lungs. he sat under the tree outside his house, looking upon the empty road scattered with cars and potholes that the city never seemed to fix—he remembered them from when he was young.

with a rapid heartbeat, smoke fell from his lips and found haven in the cold air of the night, a sight so sore for even his eyes. he hated when he did this, when he resorted to the one thing he told himself he'd never fall victim to.

he watched along as rain began to fall from the clouds above, painful memories causing him to take another puff to ease his mind. it was hard. it was hard to live in michigan without the girl he'd planned a life with.

it was stupid, he knew that. he was never one to be hung up on a girl, especially one he'd left nearly a year ago but the bruises were still fresh in his heart. they were raw, a burning red, and they ached like their motive was to torture him.

he still had the scars scattered upon his body, the words ingrained in his head, the sights tattooed on his eyes. sometimes they became too much.

he was a man with a broken heart, one he didn't think deserved to be fixed. but that couldn't be further from the truth, yet he failed to see it. all he saw were the dark blue days he blindly mistook for a loving red.

his fingers planted on the grass beside him as he lifted himself up, crushing the cigarette beneath his feet before he bent down to pick it up. a few specs of dirt got caught in the grooves of his fingertips, even under his nails a bit. he cringed, flexing his joints at the irking feeling. it was an unhealthy habit and he felt guilty as he disposed of the evidence before walking back into his house.

his first order of business was to get rid of the smell tainting his nose. a shower was due.

the towel hung loosely around his hips as he stepped out of his bathroom, steam following behind him and into his bedroom. he shook his head a bit, droplets of water flying around before he ran a hand through his hair.

a knock on his front door caused him to stop as he pulled his pants up. he thought he was hearing things, giving it a moment before a louder sound filled his ears. he furrowed his eyebrows, unbothered to cover his upper half as he was now distracted by the persistent knocking.

"give me a fucking second," he mumbled to himself, a hand on the railing as he jogged down the stairs.

he twisted the knob and a bittersweet feeling flooded his gut as the breeze clung to his warmth. familiar faces holding bags in each of their hands, all with smiles on their faces is what he was greeted by—and somehow he mustered one after days of feeling numb.

"w-what are you guys doing here?" he asked, feeling a sense of relief.

"we missed you," brendan shrugged as though he should have known. "now, are you gonna let us in orrr.."

"yeah— yeah, c'mon in," he was speechless, really. as he stepped to the side to let all his friends in, an overwhelming amount of emotions flooded his body.

it felt like a stream of minions walking into a room as they kept piling in. finally looking out the door to see if anyone was left, he was face to face with a much smaller figure. you looked at him with your doe eyes, fiddling with your necklace as you felt your heart beating in your head.

you were trying to hide the ice in your veins as his gaze didn't leave you. he saw the goosebumps on your skin and bit the inside of his cheek, encased with worry.

he was quite surprised to see you. if he was being truthful, he barely thought about you since the day he dropped off the tide pen. he'd been so preoccupied that he didn't have even a minute to think about anything that didn't cause him stress.

he noticed the pen in your hand as you remained stuck in your place, like your feet were glued to the ground. the bruise on your face had faded, which he was glad to see as he cleared his throat.

"you can come in," he told you softly. "i'm not gonna eat you."

you bit your lip and gave him a breathy little smile as you looked the other way in nervousness. he didn't know how you were feeling but he could tell it wasn't good.

you were flustered. beads of water rolled down from his hair and onto the exposed skin of his chest. his skin was still a bit red from the hot shower he'd just taken, but the place your mind took you was far from that innocent act.

"are you alright?" he asked, concern laced in his voice.

"mhm," you nodded, rolling on the balls of your feet. you stood under the covered part of his porch, a little wet yourself as you'd been pelted by the rain when you were standing behind the large group of boys.

"you're dripping, c'mon, come inside," he finally demanded with a light hold on your arm, pulling you into the house. he closed the door behind him and sighed.

he realized as soon as he saw you that you weren't in any mood to speak. hell, he didn't even think you wanted to be here. but as your dad's best friend it was his responsibility to get you to warm up seeing as you'd come to visit him.

"do you want something new to wear? who let you go out like that? it's raining and you're dressed in a t-shirt," he wondered, your teeth beginning to chatter as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

you were standing out there pretending not to be cold and he knew it.

"well i-i didn't know it was raining," your voice shook. "my dad told me i should be fine."

now he remembered why he'd been so worried about you before. he sighed once more, grabbing your hand and leading you into the kitchen where everyone else was. you felt bile rising in your throat, swallowing it down as thomas approached your dad.

"is it okay if i give her something warm to wear? she's shivering, bren, look at her," he asked almost tiredly, something in his mind resembling alarms beginning to blare.

"yeah, go ahead. y/n, you should have worn something warmer," brendan scolded after replying to thomas.

you frowned. "but you told me i'd be fine."

"you know yourself better than i do, you should have known. now you're going to have to wear something of thom's, don't you—"

"okay, bren chill out," thomas grabbed his shoulder with his free hand, the other still attached to you. "take a breath, now's not the time to get riled up, alright?"

brendan looked at him then you before going back to setting up dinner. "just be quick, we're almost done here."

without another word, thomas led you up to his bedroom. his touch was gentle, so careful that it made you feel fuzzy. your stomach fluttered as you looked down at your clasped hands.

his bedroom was simple, unlike you would have imagined. well, you hadn't really ever imagined it but if you had, this wasn't what it would have looked like. there was almost zero essence of personality within the four walls claiming to be his, but you assumed it was because he was still getting settled in his new home.

"do you wanna sit?" he asked, letting go of you to hand you the hoodie that was on his bed. hesitantly, you grabbed it between your fingers.

"aren't we just going back down?" you asked quietly, looking down at the item in your hands.

"well i thought," he let out a breath. "i thought maybe we could just chill up here for a minute. i need a breath, you know? and i thought maybe you would too."

"oh," was all you were able to say. your eyes met his, emotionless as you felt dazed for a couple moments.

you didn't make a sound as you walked past him and to the foot of his bed, taking a seat on the soft mattress. you held back a gasp at how bouncy and fluffy it was, simply smiling to yourself instead before placing the tide pen down.

thomas, relieved you made yourself comfortable, used the moment to grab a shirt. you turned at the worst second, watching as the muscles of his back flexed while he pulled the shirt onto his body. your eyes widened, heart skipping a beat as you quickly looked away and decided to pull his hoodie over your head to distract you. it was too late. the image of the grooves on his back would be fixed in your mind for god knows how long.

the marks on his body intrigued you more than anything else. somehow you hadn't noticed them the last time you saw him, but they weren't fresh. you didn't remember hearing anyone talk about them either. they were probably just from hockey so that might have been why no one was concerned—that was what you told yourself so you wouldn't get in over your head with all the endless possibilities.

you shoved your arms into the hoodie as your head got trapped in the fabric and a pungent scent hit your nose, causing you to make a sound. you quickly brought your head up and took a deep breath while wiping your hair away from your face. you nearly gagged.

"what the heck?!" you exclaimed, every ounce of anxiety or nerves from before completely washing away. "what's that smell?"

you sniffed as thomas walked up to you, his face turning pale. his heart sunk to his stomach while you missed the expression in his eyes, trying to identify the scent. it was then that he realized that he'd given you his hoodie from earlier, when he'd been smoking outside.

"is that.. smoke?" you finally looked at him and noticed his agony. "you smoke?"

"look, i-i know it's gross and i know it's bad but," he fumbled with his words. "please don't tell anyone. i only do it sometimes, when i'm stressed or anxious or, i don't know. sometimes i just need it and i can't stop myself, i—"

"thomas, it's okay," you cut him off, standing up as he ran his hands over his face with a bitter chuckle.

"no, it's not. it's really not," he shook his head. "and don't tell me it is because you're going to go down there and tell them, and i've been trying my best to hide this from everyone for so long—"

"you're rambling, stop," you stopped him again, boldly placing your hands on his neck.

he was forced to look at you as you tilted his head, your thumbs running soft circles along his jawline to calm him down. his eyes softened and he found himself at a loss for words for the second time that night.

how he left himself go like that, he didn't know, and quite frankly he was embarrassed. guilty, even, for speaking like that to you. and your delicate touch only made him feel worse.

"i'm sorry," he whispered, unable to say anything else.

"hey, it's okay. i didn't say anything bad, did i?"

he shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. he looked down at his feet and closed his eyes, wondering how he got himself in this mess. how he was here, with you, and you were the one trying to console him when he knew it should be the other way around.

"i won't tell anyone if you don't want them to know, okay? it's not my place or my business to tell them. i'm sorry that i scared you but i promise your secret's safe with me," you spoke slowly, trying to make him understand.

"i just," he glanced up at the ceiling, foot tapping with anxiety. "it's embarrassing, you know?"

"it's not. i mean, yeah, it isn't the most healthy habit but it's nothing to be so ashamed of. you're okay, i promise."

his glossy eyes met yours and he nodded again, holding back a frown when your hands fell from his skin.

"and um, i'm sorry about.. about slamming my door in your face," you apologized sheepishly, thinking he might find it humorous. he did, which was a good sign as he smiled, a real chuckle leaving his lips this time.

"didn't take it to heart," he told you. "and thank you for.. for dealing with whatever just happened to me. i— i don't know how i let that happen but.."

"you don't need to explain yourself," you shook your head. "and you don't need to thank me, either. i'll always be here for anything you need."

"thanks," he replied in thought. how brendan raised such a sweet daughter, he'd never know. "and i'll always be here for you, that's a promise."

--

daddy issues taglist <3 @hockey-lover86 @cuttergauthierr @bbbbruins @makenzie3s @kenzie3165 @jayrami3 @hailcale @hockey-lover86 @bordelhoe @bordeleau @emsully2002 @ana-maa @rainingsunlight @fialalover @power2myheart @equallyshaw

#thomas bordeleau #thomas bordeleau imagine #thomas bordeleau imagines #thomas bordeleau x reader #dbf!thom #dbf!thomas #dbf!thomas x reader #dad!brendan #dad!briss #umich hockey imagine #daddy issues au #thomas bordeleau fic

[c---crow]

the descriptors "accidental and kind of complicated" have me intensely curious. 😳 if that's ok and/or something you could explain in a post

this is gonna be a long one!

cw: talking about weight, unhealthy food habits

ok so i'm on medication that reduces my appetite and i've been on it since high school. as a teenager life was very hectic so i neglected to feed myself most of the time and didn't realize how much weight i had dropped and literally just didn't notice/ignored it. i became underweight, not on purpose, but because there was so much going on in my life that i didn't pay any attention to my own health and because my medication suppressed my appetite.

my weight stayed pretty low until like 2 years into college, well after i had started T. i would try to work out and gain some muscle but because i wasn't eating nearly enough, it didn't do much in terms of muscle mass. i also had a massive fear of public gyms because of some bad social anxiety. i also didn't have the mental energy or appetite signals to think about my diet.

fast forward to first semester of my third year of college, i started dating my partner. he powerlifts and noticed pretty fast how terrible my diet was, so he helped me get on track to eating more and eating better

unfortunately i got horribly sick with bacterial bronchitis. like terribly sick. hospitalized multiple times. doctors kept trying to treat me for VIRAL bronchitis because it's more common than bacterial, but the corticosteroids for viral bronchitis treatment can suppress the immune system and actually ended up worsening my condition. i was sick for over a month before someone gave me antibiotics. in total i was completely out of commission for 2+ months, and even after i was no longer infected, my body was Fucked

during those 2+ months of illness and recovery after, i gained A Lot of weight because given enough food, i gain fat very quickly if i am sedentary. luckily my body also converts fat to muscle very quickly, so i've bulked up quite a bit. im recovered now, my immune system has also recovered, i eat better, and i work out. i'm on a schedule now for eating so the lack of hunger signals doesn't make me forget

tldr medication made me underweight until i got really fucking sick and gained a lot of weight which then converted to muscle pretty fast bc of genetics and i have better habits now to maintain my weight

#anon ask #ccrow answers

[viola-halogen]

Thanks for the tag @prince-rowan-of-the-forest (ignore how long it’s taken me to get round to this I kept forgetting about it lmao)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22! I think I’ve written a decent amount but I’m always hoping to increase that number.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

167,433

3. What fandoms do you write for?

There’s not really a proper answer to this question cause I’m not writing regularly at the moment (life has been very hectic as of late and I’ve not had the energy or motivation.) The latest fandom I wrote for was Good Omens, which is a fandom I would like to write for more in the future.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Away from Watching Eyes (57)

4. Time Well Spent (69)

3. Tensei Iida: What it Takes to be a Hero (70)

2. Here and There and Gone Again (93)

1. The Three Musketeers of Quirk-Related Chaos (206)

There’s quite a leap there from 2nd to 1st lmao

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes I do! Although often I don’t really know what to say, I’ve written so many variations of “ah thanks :)” in my time.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably my fic with the angstiest ending is Are There Still Beautiful Things? (from my oneshot collection Let There Be Light) although that one was sort of bittersweet too. If I had ever written the 2nd and 3rd parts to Everything We’ve Ever Done it would have caught up to Charlotte disappearing and the group falling apart so that would have had an angsty ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Tensei Iida: What it Takes to be a Hero. That fic was very angsty along the way but the ending I think was pretty feel-good (also it’s one of the only multi-chapter fics I ever actually finished.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I’ve never got like, proper hate, but there was one regular commenter on a fic once who basically disagreed with every choice I made in that fic and would always try to debate my writing with me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope. I don’t think I’d be very good at writing it and I’d be worried about it being awful. I’ll leave that to people who know how to do it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

The closest thing I’ve written to a crossover was my BBC Ghosts vampire AU which was very heavily influenced by WWDITS.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Does not exist apparently

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

As they said in their response, I’ve written a few things with @prince-rowan-of-the-forest, but none of it’s ever been posted.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Yeah I don’t really have one seeing as I tend to change fandoms every few years, and though I do sometimes get briefly sucked back into old fandoms they don’t usually hold the same appeal to me anymore. That said, I have to mention Will/Lyra from HDM because they were one of my first ever ships, back before I knew what shipping was, and there is still a major place for them in my heart now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am so sad I fell out of the MHA fandom before I finished TTMOQRC. I had so much planned for that universe that I really wanted to write and it will forever haunt me that I never got to get it all out there. I also wish I’d written more for BBC Vampires because again I had loads of ideas but that AU got so little engagement it was hard to keep my motivation for it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think my dialogue is pretty good, and I think I’m quite good at characterisation. And I think I come up with a lot of good ideas (specific, I know.) I think I’m good at writing characters’ thought processes too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with coherent plots can be ridiculously hard sometimes. I’m also terrible at sticking with WIPs which is why so many of my multi-chapter fics are unfinished.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it’s really cool! And it’s something I’d love to do! When I was obsessed with 1899 a while ago I really wanted to write an Ángel/Ramiro fic with dialogue in Spanish because Spanish is probably one of my biggest special interests and I loved the idea of combining it with my current hyperfixation at the time.

However I do think it’s a really hard thing to pull off cause not everyone’s going to speak the language the dialogue is written in and I don’t want to alienate people. And having read some fics where the dialogue was in languages I don’t understand and the translations were included in the notes, I know that sometimes it just doesn’t work.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Shadowhunters. It was written in a notebook and was about a bunch of OCs I made up.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably Here and There and Gone Again because I was nervous to write for the Good Omens fandom because of all the amazing fics I’ve read and I was really pleased with how it turned out in the end. Everything We’ve Ever Done is also one of my faves because when I wrote it I was fixated so hard on those characters/that part of the story so it was a real passion project for me.

Tagging: @natequarter @ailendolin and anyone else who wants to do it cause I’m stuck for who else to tag.

#tag game #fanfic #ao3

[shacchou]

I’m feeling nosy. Tell me about Kaiba’s eating habits. Is he a health nut? Does he often forget to eat due to his busy and tight schedule? And when he does eat, does he often eat alone because of said schedule?

And is Kaiba a caffeine addict? Esp since he works late sometimes if I’m not mistaken.

I think his eating habits took a turn for the better between the last time we see him in the manga and DSOD. The physical change we see in him in the movie, where he goes from having a very slim build to a well-built physique speaks for itself. I do not think this is him being a health nut or caring exclusively about physical appearance, because even though he is obviously a very handsome man, I do not believe physical appearances to be one of Kaiba's main concerns. The fandom used to joke that this change in his appearance was due to him 'wanting to look good for Atem', which —to me— is obviously not the case. However, I do believe the change to be connected to his goal of dueling Atem again. It wasn't something as superficial as 'looking good', but instead because he knew this would be an extremely physically demanding task just as much as a mentally demanding one, so improving his physical condition was as fundamental as recovering the Millennium Puzzle.

When it comes to my main verse (post-DSOD), I believe he kept most of those changes. He always works out very early in the morning, then eats a healthy breakfast and then he leaves for his company. It's become a routine of sorts. Being physically fit has proved to be rather beneficial, considering that his company's aim is to make the dueling experience more and more immersive each time, thus it's physically demanding. And when it comes to unveiling new technology for the first time at Kaiba Corporation's events of massive attendance, he is usually the one who tests it. So, since the change proved useful, he kept it.

That doesn't mean he isn't prone to skipping meals anymore. It does still happen, especially on those occasions where his schedule is particularly hectic. This especially applies to the two to three weeks prior to the Board of Directors meetings, as it's known to be some of the busiest weeks and especially for a CEO. So skipping meals is actually quite usual during those weeks. He is also still prone to skipping lunch as opposed to breakfast and dinner, mostly because he isn't always keen on taking a break while he's in the middle of work.

As for how often he eats alone and how often he doesn't, it's all about his schedule. Like he said in Transcend Game, despite him being inclined to do what he wants, he runs a business. There is a big part of his life that is not too different from that of any other executive. Business lunches and dinners are pretty commonplace, and when they do happen, he eats with whoever it is that he is meeting. On those days where his schedule is free of said meetings, he eats alone or with Mokuba, should the kid come around his office. When it comes to dinner though, I do think he often eats with Mokuba.

And finally, yes, it is definitely not a rare sight to see him drinking caffeine, mainly coffee. He does tend to work until late hours, and he especially likes the bitter taste of black coffee.

#❛ ♔// hc. #rakept #thanks for the ask! #❛ ♔// queue; [ 読み込み中 ]

[stickthisbig]

Look. Okay. So. We hate it when shit works, right? It fuckin sucks that taking a walk or cleaning or whatever helps, because we've only been told to do those things by people operating in bad faith.

But I am a neurodiverse person with memory issues and I am telling you you need to try a to-do list. This is what mine looks like:

(this is cleaned up to take out identifying information, etc)

I think a thing that a lot of l people are not explained when it comes to things like planners and lists is that this is a golden opportunity to outsource brain work that you're bad at. I have memory problems and focus issues. All the bullshit at work I have to juggle? Not my job to remember it; that's what the list is for.

What were you gonna do next? List.

Boss asks what you've done today? List.

Turned away for two minutes and now you don't even remember what fuckin industry you work in? List.

My job can be very hectic and in one day I'm doing work with four different programs. I regularly get assigned work that has to be done immediately. That is too much to expect my brain to deal with. A to-do list is an extremely simple tool that does an incredible amount of work with a small amount of effort from you. Invest in your well-being; externalize a mundane but difficult part of life.

Also checking things off is incredibly satisfying. Sometimes I write shit down for the seratonin.

To-do lists catch a lot of flak because they seem like normie bullshit for people who are unpleasantly motivated, but try it out, you may be surprised!

I also have some tips for efficiency that I will put under the jump:

Choose a place the notepad always goes. If you work in more than one place, get a second notepad for the other place. Holy shit you'll fuck yourself if you get in the habit and then convince yourself you can't start without it.

Get a notepad. Doesn't matter what it is, but it is CRUCIAL that you not use it for anything else. It needs to be ONLY for your to-do list. These guys were $1.50 at Michaels and I bought loads of them.

Scribble down literally anything. I write down projects I'll be working on for 6 months and also to water my plants. This list is cleaned up bc it had some identifying information on it, but normally I just scrawl whatever makes sense. It's your space for only you and not anybody else; nobody else is allowed to use it.

Set ground rules. What can you put other than the list? I doodle on mine and occasionally make short notes regarding tasks from the list. Nothing else is allowed. I don't usually list things from my personal life; those tasks are kept on my phone.

Decide on your markings. Mine are pretty simple: / if I've finished, X if it's cancelled, ? if it's in doubt. There are much more complicated systems but I never could keep up with them. Once it's marked, it's out of my hands; for projects spanning multiple days, once I've gotten as far as I meant, I mark it off.

Don't cross things out! It seems good now but it is a bad idea! It makes it harder for you to see what you have accomplished. You want to victoriously slash your pen across the page, but still see that you got shit done.

That's largely it? Some people save their lists from previous days or set aside a specific time to move their undone tasks over. It's totally fine not to finish something; it just goes on the next page.

Some people prioritize tasks; I don't, because in my job, it doesn't have to get done in order, it just has to get done. It actually helps me unprioritize my tasks so I don't get hung up on the biggest ones. I don't have to go "I must do this now or forget forever," because I've outsourced that responsibility. Instead I can go "I don't have time to get anything started, I want to not be at my desk, let me do this item here that takes 5 minutes."

#efficiency #to do how to

[mtreebeardiles]

In Passing

Full piece over on AO3!

This one was a doozy, but I've been wanting to write something Angel-centric for a while now. He's one of my favorite minor characters and I would've loved to have seen more of him in-game.

Tackles some pretty mature themes in line with the game, so please read the notes and tags if this catches your interest.

It wasn't like he never saw the stranger again.

Things had been hectic for a while there, leaving him feeling a degree of unsafe at work that he hadn't felt since he'd started…fuck, four years ago? Almost five? When he'd been younger, bright-eyed and naïve, still believing in the things he wanted to do, the things he could do for others, carving out something that looked like independence in a city unwilling to give him many chances. Still thinking if he could just make enough, do enough, he'd find some of that much-sought freedom, a reward for the grind and the hustle.

But independence was the biggest pipe dream of all in this city of nightmares, and everyone had to pay their dues. 

He'd always paid his: to the 'Claws, to Woodman, to Maeda. Made himself useful, profitable, desirable. Built a reliable clientele, a reputation, and enough word of mouth to generate interest for walk-ins. Kept himself in shape, kept himself healthy, regular check-ups with the best ripper he could afford. Kept his head down, stayed in his lane, and didn't ask questions. 

But that didn't mean he was immune to gossip. 

Word about Evelyn spiked after that first visit, cautious whispers connecting the stranger with Woodman's murder. Speculation, mostly, as to who the guy was -- someone enamored with Evelyn? Someone who thought he could take her away from this life, this place? As probable a scenario as any, really, Evelyn's popularity as top Doll undoubtedly cultivating quite a following and for some of those to think their connection was more than it was? Wasn't exactly unheard of.

It just wasn't often those special clients were netrunners of notable skill. 

The guy had come in as a regular guest, a paying customer, and it was only after the fact, with the detectives and the footage and the questions, that Angel started putting the bigger picture together. That the guy -- V, he remembered the man's name was V, V for Vincent, the only detail he'd been allowed before the behavioral chip had kicked in and sent his consciousness to sleep -- had broken into Evelyn's booth before making his way to Angel's, then snuck into the VIP area upstairs, broke into Tom's booth, and then…

Well, someone killed Woodman, and it wasn't hard to see the connection between the guy and that unexpected turn of events. 

Still, he didn't ask any questions. Answered plenty, what scarce details he had, took what punishments he was due for telling the guy about Tom -- not that Tom had seemed to mind, or even care, and had come out of the whole incident unscathed in the same way Angel had -- and kept his head down again. Didn't want to know, didn't want to understand, just wanted to forget and put the whole thing behind him. Focus on his work, on his life, on that still smoldering dream of maybe closing this whole chapter for good and moving on to something better. 

But then he saw him again. 

#my writing #Angel (Cyberpunk 2077) #Kerry Eurodyne #male V #nomad V #Vincent Aiello #Kerry x V #Kerry x male V #mature themes #cyberpunk 2077

[espressogal]

life + anxiety updates! 

life has been so hectic this month. september has been a lot more than i thought. im reuniting with my faith in the best way possible. i joined a church and a young adult group in the church and met so many amazing people im excited to call my friends soon! i also feel more connected to God in such a vibrant atmosphere. it almost made me forget about the friends i lost bc they were hurting me. it made me feel like im no longer limited to a circle that i have to settle for and a life i have to settle for bc its easier and more comfy. i went to the church and the group last night all by myself! i drove there. walked up to people and introduced myself. i did that. can you believe an anxious person did that with zero meds. in the weirdest way i feel like putting myself in these high anxiety-inducing situations has helped me feel less anxious it’s crazy! like this morning i went to starbucks and i started up a convo with a barista and kept it going and i talked loud (not obnoxiously but rather confidently) and proud and didnt care that other people could hear me and judge me. and i stood tall and i talked with my voice and not a soft and small voice that i usually do with strangers to seem small and vulnerable. then i sat at the patio table and i took up space and there were people sitting around me but i continued to sit there and send voice recs to my friend without caring that the people around me would judge me. i maintain eye contact now so much better than before. i say what i think and pay attention to whats being said and not as much as how im being perceived (though this still needs more work). i tell people how i feel about them and show emotion and vulnerability and love when i feel it bc i feel so much love and idc if it makes me look weird bc that’s me!!!! im getting closer to my sister too and weve been hanging out a lot and im getting more comfy talking to her and hanging out with her and her bf and his brother. we went to an escape room on saturday and going to a concert together this friday!! so the friend department and personality department is improving. i think ive done great academically and doing good professionally so that is also improving. i turned down a great volunteer opportunity bc i knew id feel overwhelmed with everything going on which im proud of myself for. i reached out to a prof to be my academic ref so we’ll see how that goes! i did gain weight and it hasnt been moving bc ive been consistent with being healthy then inconsistent but in my defence i literally do not have a routine yet and im waiting to start work so i can sort that out properly omg. once i have that sorted ill figure out a proper workout routine. my romantic relationship is getting a little shaky since i reunited with my faith bc he’s not a believer but thats a conversation for later. im nourishing friendships that matter to me so im doing pretty good there. i think overall im doing ok. better than before but i still have a long way to go. i need to work on improving my relationship with my parents and resisting temptations and being more mindful of how my body feels. i think i’ll be okay for now

#jthoughts #anxiety tag

[kazooie]

I took a test for dissociative disorders, like DID and OSDD, ice taken it before but that was over a year ago during the most traumatic time of my life so I wanted to wait till things were atleast not as hectic. I also got my friends and my mum to do it.

So the average score of someone without a dissociative disorder is around 5.4, that's basically "normal" or whatever, one of my friends got 3.2, another got 4.2.

I got 64.7 :')))

And the thing that really sucks is that dissociative disorders actively try to stay hidden to protect you from trauma, so I might forget I even wrote this post, god knows I forget most things, I don't usually get full amnesia but it takes a lot of effort to remember my day start to finish, and I can never remember it all.

Also, a diagnosis might do me more harm than good! It can lead to descrimination, and I already struggle.wirh healthcare, it took me well over a decade to get.my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis cuz my old GP kept telling me to push through the pain and take antidepressants(that I'm now stuck on and can't seem to wean off.)

I don't really know where to go from here but I'm sick of nothing ever feeling real, and of suddenly "waking up" or becoming aware as if all the stuff I did in the last hour or two wasn't something I did and someone's drip feeding me the details of my lost time. It doesn't feel like lost time, it feels like a baton pass, suddenly I'm aware and my memories come back if I focus as if the memories are a baton handed to me from the previous runner.

I don't know if I'll like what I see if I co tinue to pursue this, I feel shitty all the time but what if my mind is actually protecting me from something even WORSE, y'know?

Tldr; pretty sure I have OSDD or DID(less likely) and I don't know what to do about it

#osdd #did #other specified dissociative disorder #if i have alters i think theyre all Me #like the clone reis in Evangelion

[learningnewways]

Israel - Day 4

It’s day 4 of our Israel tour and I’m so glad I’ve been keeping a blog every day, because so much happens it’s easy to forget what happened even this morning! Our days are jam-packed from 7:30am until 6pm, then add breakfast and dinner outside of those hours, and it leaves little time for anything else! I’ve been staying up late writing these blog posts each night, sacrificing much needed sleep, however in the long run I know it’ll be worth it to capture everything that’s happened here.

We always start with Scripture reading, prayer and a song on the bus which is always a great start to the day. It’s been so hectic that I haven’t managed to have any private devotional myself which is unfortunate. But it’s great to have Scripture read at most sites, as well as prayer and reflection time at some sites. This morning John read from Matthew 5-7 and talked about how the reign of God in our lives should extend to every area of our life. I’m trying! But it is very scary.

Today was spent in Samaria, also known as the West Bank, which used to be part of Jordan until 1967. Before we crossed into the West Bank, we visited a large site called Beth Shean which has only been excavated in the past 20-30 years. It’s remarkable that they are still discovering new sites even today! I guess it is partially because Israel’s land has changed hands so many times, so a lot has been left undiscovered until recent years. The land Israel has currently was only defined in 1967 after the 6 day war, although parts like the Gaza Strip are still disputed.

We were actually the first group to visit Beth Shean this morning, arriving at 8:15am, meaning that John got to unlock the gates! How cool! This city dates back to at least 2,500BC and remained in different forms and under different rulers, including the Egyptians, until an earthquake in 749AD destroyed it. The city was very important as it is strategically located on a hill that guards the entry to the Jezerel Valley in the East, the Sea of Galilee in the North, and Jericho and the Dead Sea in the South. 

The old city was impressive to walk around and you could imagine how amazing it would have looked in it’s prime. It’s what I imagine walking around Athens would be like. We got to see what an old school public toilet would have been like, the photo is for my dad... There was a theatre that was similar to the one we saw in Caesarea on day 1, except it was more intact in its original form and was smaller. One of the girls from our group, Emily, stood at the bottom and sung, which was amazing to hear echoed all the way to the top of the back seats! Some of us walked up the little hill for a better view, which was definitely worth it.

Beth Shean existed in the time of the judges and Joshua would have been here too. It is here that the Philistine’s took King Saul’s body after he killed himself on nearby Mt Gilboa. Saul had been hiding in caves around the area, which is easy to understand after seeing the scenery nearby. It was stunning! Lots of caves to choose from! Reminded me again of Banks Peninsular in Christchurch, just with lots of caves!

We then entered the West Bank and headed to Jericho. Yes, Jericho where Joshua and his army marched around the walls seven times and the walls came tumbling down! Wow! The city was actually very small, much much smaller than I had imagined. John said it would only take around 1.5hrs to walk around it seven times, so only like 12 minutes each time. It was incredibly hot, unbearable almost, so I could see how walking around it seven times could be difficult! Elisha did come to Jericho and purify the water, so maybe they had nearby water to drink from, although I’d imagine they would’ve kept the water source within the city walls...

Jericho is the oldest city in Israel, with the oldest level of excavation dating back to 3,500BC... Woah... Joshua would’ve been there around 1500-1200BC. It’s pretty cool to think that this is where the Israelites went after 40yrs wandering the desert. The fact that they blew their trumpets and shouted and everything inside Jericho was completely destroyed is awesome. I mean, there would have been sooooo many Israelites at this point, so maybe the noise alone would’ve done it! But obviously God had something to do with it too... We even saw the archeology of the burn site where Joshua and the people burned the city... Crazy stuff! We only really got to see the walls and not much else, but that was still pretty cool.

We quickly visited a Hebron Glass shop where they sell hand blown glass that is mixed with rocks and materials found nearby. The pieces were beautiful but too pricey for me. I was looking at a cute camel ornament when I accidentally dropped it on the floor! Ooooops! Luckily nothing broke but after that I stayed away!

Then we went to one of the most spectacular sites ever, Qumran, where they found the Dead Sea Scrolls. This was absolutely stunning, beautiful, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, unbelievable... All the words! The only thing that comes slightly close is the Clay Cliffs in the South Island and the Grand Canyon in the USA... I’ve been to both and this outshined both by far! Photos cannot do it justice! Beautiful orange cliffs with massive drop offs underneath, and caves everywhere. Wow! Good hiding spot for the scrolls for sure! 

We hiked briefly to the bottom of one of the caves, which they first started discovering had fragments of Scripture hidden in them in 1947, which was a massive discovery. It meant huge progress for the accuracy and preservation of God’s word, as some of the texts are from the 3rd century BC and pre-date the Hebrew Bible. They even found some additional Psalms in the Dead Sea Scrolls, just in case 150 wasn’t enough!

It was in the 40’s temperature-wise when we were on our walk and I drank my whole 750ml water bottle in the maybe 30mins we were there. It was the hottest our trip has been so far and everyone was feeling it! Luckily John is great at finding us shady spots to sit under. I can’t reiterate enough just how stunning this scenery was. It was incomprehensible even while I was sitting right in front of it! Wow! Top view so far on the trip! Mt Arbel yesterday was incredible too, but I’m a different way. Hard to compare the two really... Israel is pretty stunning.

Our final spot for the day was the Dead Sea, where we got to swim, or should I say, float! It’s called the Dead Sea because it’s 426 metres below sea level, the lowest land point in the world, and it is 33% minerals and salt, meaning no living organism can survive in it. You have to be super careful not to get your face in the water, as it is dangerous! The ocean is 7% minerals and salt, so picture that but almost 5x as salty! It was crazy how easily we floated! The water was very warm, too warm to stay in for too long. Plus it was 41 degrees on the lake shore... Quite different from New Zealand where roads are being shut because of slips and snow! Apparently the Dead Sea is actually shrinking about 1 metre per year as it gets evaporated but not refilled... I didn’t know that...

We arrived at our accomodation with the stunning backdrop of Masada, which we will check out tomorrow. We are truly in the desert with this scenery! There’s an optional sunrise hike to the top of Masada tomorrow morning which I will not be taking... Haha. I’m just so tired! I think I’m also missing the normal routine of life. I miss listening to my music. I used to listen to probably 5hrs of music every day back in New Zealand, but there’s just no time here. Even on the bus, there’s never enough time and if there is, then John or Shlomo are always talking about something relevant to our next site or the scenery over the microphone! Overall it was a great day and it seemed to be our most relaxed so far, which was nice.

[errythinisblue]

I waited for the derby to be over before posting this, but here’s what you requested babe! (Let’s pretend Rúben played tonight for the sake of the fic and of our hearts 🥺) I hope you’ll like this!💙

A special derby.

Rúben Dias x Y/N

Summary: Derbies always had a special meaning for you. But tonight’s one was one you won’t forget that easily.

Warnings: mention of morning sickness, nothing more really this is just pure fluff.

gif credit to @debruyne

Life with a footballer wasn’t easy, at all; you knew something about that right from your early years. You were Cristiano Ronaldo’s little sister, so of course you knew what being close with a footballer meant. You were 13 years younger than him, and you grew up traveling right behind him with your family as his career developed at Sporting Lisbon.

 Things weren’t all that different now that you were 24 and traveling right behind your boyfriend, Rúben Dias. You just switched from your brother to your boyfriend really, but the hectic life was pretty much the same.

 You and Rúben started dating almost three years ago, the two of you falling in love at first sight when you got the chance to know each other after one of his matches. Your brother Cristiano was actually the one who introduced you two, after Lisbon’s derby between Benfica and Sporting. You and him always had the tradition of watching the game together; he may have moved to other clubs, cities, countries even, but the tradition never changed; and three years later you were happy it never changed, as you got to meet Rúben thanks to it.

 Cristiano and both of your families were the only people who knew about you and Rúben, as you kept your relationship absolutely private. It wasn’t that you didn’t want people to know about the two of you being together, Rúben actually wanted to show the world you were his, but he didn’t want to pay the price of it. Since he knew it would cost you both the privacy you shared in your own little world.

 But things changed in the last year, after Cristiano moved to Manchester United. You were already living there as you moved to Manchester with Rúben of course, but now that your brother was there too you literally jumped at the first occasion you got to watch them play against each other in Manchester’s derby. And it was during the derby that people understood that Ronaldo’s little sister could be dating City’s centre-back Rúben Dias.

 Medias went crazy of course, as pictures of you wearing Rúben’s shirt started showing on websites and socials. It couldn’t be a coincidence that you were watching a game where your brother was involved, wearing another man’s shirt; and so when rumors started going around you and Rúben decided that was the perfect chance to make your relationship known. None of you two denied your relationship, but you posted a selfie the two of you took after that same game instead, making your romance official.

 You were expecting every kind of reaction, but you weren’t prepared for the infinite amount of love people threw at you and Rúben. Not even your boyfriend was ready for it, but you were both so happy that you took that chance to make things official now; you were finally free to go out without a care in the world, and if someone stopped you by chance to ask for a picture with Rúben, or sometimes even with the both of you, you were actually happy to comply. You were free to live your relationship without the fear of being discovered, and that only made your bond with Rúben strengthen.

 -

 A year later another thing was strengthening yours and Rúben’s romance though, and it was a little bean that was comfortably resting in your tummy. You and Rúben found out you were expecting a baby a little over a month ago, when you noticed your period was incredibly late, even for you who never had a regular one. You remembered that day as it was yesterday, because it probably was the best day of your life so far:

 “How much’s left before we have the result??” you asked Rúben as you sat on the edge of the bathtub, nervously bouncing your knee up and down, before your boyfriend kneeled down in front of you and placed his hands on the skin of your thighs to stop your movements.

 “Babe relax, I just left the test on the counter…” Rúben smiled at you, never breaking the physical contact between the two of you, “There’s still two minutes left, would you mind giving me a kiss while we wait?”

 “How can you be so calm??” you whined as you placed your face in your hands.

 “I’m not, I’m just trying not to go mental for your sake baby-” he said before the timer he set went off, “Well that’s the moment of truth. Do you wanna be the one to look at the result first?”

 “God no Rúben! I’m too scared!” you shook your head as you pleaded him with your eyes to look at the pregnancy test near the sink.

 “Okay, I’ll see what it shows then…” he pressed a kiss to your forehead as he got up to walk to the counter.

  Silence filled the room as Rúben took the test in his hands, the only thing you could see was his broad back turned to you  while you heard his breathes become irregular.

 “Rúben?” you tried to call him but it was like he didn’t hear you, so you got up and walked to him. You placed your hands on his waist as you peeked over his side to look at his shaking hands still holding the test.

 “Y-you’re pregnant meu amor…” he said with his voice full of emotion, “We’re having a baby?” he incredulously asked you as he looked at your reflection in the mirror.

 “Oh my God Rúben we are!!!” you said as he showed you the test where you could read the word ‘pregnant’.

 He didn’t even give you the chance to add further words before he took you in his arms as he twirled you around, immersing his face in the crook of your neck while he did so.

 “Oh my God!” he said before you heard him sniffling, “We’re having a baby meu amor! I love you so much!”

 “Aw babe are you crying??” you asked him as you wrapped your arms around his neck tighter.

 “I’m just so happy! It feels unreal!” he admitted as he sat you down on the counter while you wiped the tears from his cheeks with your thumbs.

 “I know right?? We’ll have our own little baby Rúben…” you nodded your head at him as you held his face in your hands, “I still can’t believe there’s a little bean inside of me!!!” you whispered as you watched Rúben lower his face to your stomach.

 “Olá coisinha…Hey little thing! It’s your daddy here! God I’m so happy you’re in there! I can’t wait to see you!” he said before placing lots of kissed on your skin, tickling you with his beard and making you laugh out loud, both from the tickling and his sweet words.

 You’ve both been over the moon for the past month, even more after you got to see your baby for the first time when you had your first scan. When you saw that little bean on the screen everything felt more real than ever, your heart was beating so fast as you looked at your baby and you thought it would explode as you heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

 What you and Rúben weren’t prepared for was morning sickness though. As you woke up this morning, with your boyfriend peacefully sleeping by your side, a wave of nausea hit you like a truck as you quickly got out of bed and ran to the bathroom. You were nearing the end of the third month of your pregnancy, and you knew something like that could happen, especially since you started to feel weird in the past days.

 “Are you okay meu amor?” you heard Rúben’s voice still full of sleep coming from outside the bathroom door.

 “Yeah babe, go back to sleep…” you said to him before you felt your stomach turning upside down once again.

 “Hey hey, I’m here…” he entered the bathroom as soon as he heard you being sick once again. He immediately kneeled down next to you as he kept your hair in a makeshift ponytail with one hand while he caressed your back with the other, while you emptied the already nonexistent content of your stomach.

 “Rúben you should be sleeping…you’ve got a derby to play, go back to sleep…” you said before you tried to get up.

 “I slept enough don’t worry about me, are you feeling better now?” he softly asked you as his thumbs were stroking your hips.

 “I am, God you shouldn’t be seeing me like this Rúben!” you shyly turned away from his touch to brush your teeth, “I’m gross!” you scrunched up your nose while you talked with your toothbrush in your mouth making your boyfriend chuckle.

 “You’re not meu amor, you were just sick!” he laughed, placing his hands on your stomach form behind, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 “Positive baby…” you nodded your head as you wiped your mouth, before turning to him once again, “I guess this is what morning sickness feels like?”

 “Yeah I guess so,” he pouted as he hugged you, “but you’re not coming to the game tonight. I’m not discussing on it.”

 “Rúben I’m fine!” you groaned, as you really wanted to attend the game your brother and your boyfriend would be playing in, “I really am!”

 “You have to rest Y/N.” he told you with a serious expression on your face, “I worry about you and our baby, I don’t want you to risk feeling sick while I’m not there to take care of you…”

 “Well if you think about it, I’d be way closer to you if I’d come to the stadium…” you smirked as you saw him roll his eyes at your witty remark, “Am I right?”

 “Why do you always have to win hm?” Rúben hummed in your neck as he lowered his head while he wrapped his arms around you once again.

 “’Cause you always let me win,” you said, “and because you want us there tonight, I know that for sure.” you whispered in his ear.

 “That’s not right, because I always want you with me.” he protested as his lips brushed your neck making you shiver, “I’ll always want you both with me.”

 “Should we get back to bed?” you asked him as you were running your hands up and down his naked back, “You could use some more sleep, and so could I…”

 “Yeah, come on…” he said as he took you in his arms, “I’ll take you to bed.”

 “Is that a dirty proposition Dias?” you smirked as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

 “Is it you or your hormones asking?” Rúben laughed at your question as he questioned you back.

 “I’m not an hormonal mess babe!” you whined playfully slapping his chest, “Not yet at least…” you said lowering your voice and making Rúben shake his head at your words.

 -

 Luckily for you, after you got some more sleep you were feeling incredibly better; and when the time to go to the stadium came, you really couldn’t be happier as you thought it would be your baby’s first time at Etihad tonight.

 In the meantime Rúben was able to get you the best tickets he could get; when you entered the stadium you discovered he got you a seat right behind City’s benches, thinking that if you needed something you could always ask one of the boys. Funny enough you noticed Georgina sitting right behind United’s bench, ‘Clearly Rúben and Cristiano must have had the same idea’ you thought as you waved at her from your seat, smiling as she waved back at you.

 You didn’t even get the chance to look around the pitch for your boyfriend, that you saw him running towards you.

 “Hey, do you like it here??” he asked after he pecked your lips as he leaned towards you over the fence.

 “Yeah, there’s a great view from here,” you nodded, “me and our bean like this seat very much, thank you daddy.” you whispered these words that were meant only for him.

 “Daddy hm?” he smirked as he winked at you, making you burst into a fit of laughter.

 “Yeah we have a baby on the way remember??” you joked as you watched him narrowing his eyes at you.

 “Yeah.” he groaned, “About that are you cold? Do you need something to drink? Or something to keep you warm? Do you want me to get you-”

 “Rúben I’m fine!” you shushed him placing a finger on his cold lips, “We’re fine, and we can’t wait to see you smash United!” you smiled proudly before leaning in to kiss his lips softly, “Now go, I’m sure John misses you!”

 “I’m serious though, ask the boys for whatever you may need okay?” he looked at you straight in the eyes, the beautiful Y/E/C eyes of the mother of his child.

 “Okay amor. Good luck, I love you!” you caressed his cheek one last time before he turned around and ran away from you towards his team after he said those three words back at you.

 When the match finally started you could feel your nerves starting to kick in. You were always on edge when the day of the derby came, as it felt like it was some kind of a doomsday for you; but tonight you had to try to keep your emotions at bay, since you knew being this nervous could do no good to your baby. You also knew this was easier said than done, especially when the second half was almost over and the two rival teams were equal, with one goal each. It’s not like you wanted your brother’s team to lose, but you wanted Rúben to win more, as you knew it would make him so happy to win the game for his child for the first time.

 And just as you were thinking that, after the referee gave four minutes of extra time, you watched as Emerson kicked the ball impossibly far, almost over the midfield line, starting a series of passes and movements between the City players that were making the opponent team go crazy. When you thought there was no way the ball would get in between those two posts, that same ball was passed to Rúben himself; you watched him as he stopped the ball with his left foot, before kicking it with the incredible strength of his right one towards the goal. When the ball left his foot it was like time slowed down, as you watched the ball make its way past all the defenders and the goalkeeper before it ended in the goal.

 The roar of the stadium brought you back to reality as you started jumping up and down after you realized your boyfriend had just scored. But you stopped immediately once you saw Rúben pick up the ball and placing it under his shirt, between his abs and the blue fabric, while he ran towards City’s bench with his finger pointing right at you.

 Your eyes went wide at his gesture and you brought your hands up to cover your mouth while you laughed uncontrollably, as tears were welling up in your eyes. You watched him take the ball out of his shirt before he dropped it to the ground as John crushed his body on Rúben’s in a bone crushing hug; you could tell he was happy for the both of you, he was always showing his full support to your boyfriend so tonight it was really no different.

 You couldn’t help but feel someone’s stare on you though, and as you slightly turned your head to the side you saw Georgina look at you with her mouth open in shock, and it was then that it hit you, your brother must have noticed Rúben’s celebration too! And when your eyes went back to the pitch, just as you heard the referee blowing the final whistle, you found your brother and your boyfriend hugging right at the centre of the pitch.

 While you walked the little distance that was separating you from the field, you saw Georgina running towards you with the biggest smile on her face.

 “Oh my God Y/N you’re pregnant???” she asked you with an insanely high pitched voice.

 “Uhm cat’s out of the bag I guess??” you said while you smiled at her.

 “How far along are you??” she asked as she took your hands in hers, over excited at the idea of welcoming a little niece or nephew to the world.

 “Three months,” you replied, “and this morning I was sick too so yeah, welcome to you too morning sickness…” you joked as you playfully rolled your eyes.

 “Oh I’m so sorry to hear that,” Georgina said as she placed her hands on your shoulders, “you know you can count on me if you need a help right??” she asked before she hugged you.

 “I know G, thank you for that!” you laughed as you thought that your baby was still so little, yet so many people loved him, or her.

 “So is that true???” you heard John shout from behind you, “Am I becoming an uncle then???” he asked you before it was his turn to wrap his arms around you.

 “It is!” you told him as you laughed, “And you’ll be his favorite uncle for sure! Rúben wouldn’t have it any other way you know??”

 “Yeah, wouldn’t want the baby to risk and become a Red Devil!” City’s number 5 smiled as the three of you watched as your boyfriend and Cristiano were walking in your direction.

 “Don’t you even try it Stones!” your brother pointed his finger at John as he must have heard a part of your conversation, “That’s my niece or nephew in here!” Cristiano smiled as he caressed your still flat tummy over the City shirt, “I’m so happy Y/N, I’m not even that disappointed in the loss you know? I mean Rúben’s goal was for the baby so I can’t really complain…”

 “You’re right you can’t complain!” you joked, “Because now Manchester is blue!!!” you said as you stuck your tongue out at him, with Rúben and John cheering at your back while all the other City players were walking to you to congratulate you and their defender.

 “Do you think our baby liked my goal?” you heard Rúben whisper in your ear as he wrapped his arms around you from behind.

 “I think he did,” you nodded as you placed your hands over his naked forearms, “It was so strange when you scored, I thought I could actually feel him moving!”

 “Him?” he asked with his face in your hair.

 “Yeah I just have a feeling it might be a boy babe…” you shrugged your shoulders, “I mean he moved for the first time because of a goal so…”

 “Looks like Manchester could become even more blue then…” he smiled as he wrapped one of his arms around your shoulders, before he walked you down the tunnel to a place where he could keep you and your child safe and warm.

#anon #anon ask #anon request #ruben dias request #ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias imagines #ruben dias one shot #ruben dias one shots #ruben dias fanfic #ruben dias fanfics #ruben dias fluff #ruben dias x y/n #ruben dias x reader #football #football imagines #football requests #football one shots #football fanfics #football full #footballer request #footballer imagines #footballer one shots #footballer fanfics #footballer x reader #footballer x y/n #footballer fluff #man city

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 2 (C.E)

A/N: Here you go guys. Much awaited part 2 is here. I am so in love with this particular fan fiction and hope you guys like it. If you want me to write any blurbs related to this series, do let me know.I am open to requests.

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Part 1 

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris regrets divorcing you and he tries to mend the relationship. However, you have already moved on with Tom Hiddleston and are quite happy. He has to just stand back while you and your children become closer to Tom and it is all his fault.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

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“Coming in?” Chris turned his face towards you with a questioning look in his eyes.

“No, I have some work. Just wanted to drop the kids off myself.” Your ex husband’s house was on your way so you just saved him a trip.

“Not even for coffee, darling?”

“Sorry but I will have to say no.” You still got flustered when he called you with nicknames. You had once decided to tell him to stop calling you with all these terms of endearment but you couldn’t build up the courage to do it.

It has been over a year since your divorce and the moment you think you are over him, he is right there to bring those feelings back. You were a mess when he moved out and you had to see him on the weekends for the kids. It looked like you were drowning and you couldn’t come up for fresh air. It was exhausting but after several months, it didn’t hurt that much. It didn’t feel like your heart was tearing into shreds. You felt numb but that was better than feeling like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

“That’s fine. See you Sunday?”

These were the only few sentences that were spoken between the two of you since the divorce. This was your new normal and you were starting to adjust to it. “Yeah, bye.”

“Who wants pancakes?” Sighing, he turned around and asked in a fake, cheerful voice. He didn’t get to be disappointed. These were the the seeds that he sow and he had to reap the results.

“I do.” A collective chorus came from the living room as they had already started to play with Dodger. Dodger was adopted from a shelter home about two weeks into the divorce. Loneliness was a destructive force and Chris hadn’t come to that realization until he was sitting in his home at eight, all alone. No laughter, no mess, no companionship. He went out that day and got a new dog. The apartment was eating him alive because it was a reminder of his ‘new life’. More like his ruined life.

“Daddy, you goin’ to be there for my match?” Jace looked up at his father and hoped that he wasn’t going to say no. There have been too many occasions this past year where he was not there for his children like Easter or Mia’s first day of school. He was either too busy with his career or he couldn’t bear to be with his family knowing that he wouldn’t be going home with them. He wasn’t strong enough to handle that truth.

“I’ll be there but I have work afterwards so I can only be there for half time.” The apologetic tone was all too familiar to the kids now so they just stayed quiet.

Chris noticed their disappointed look and continued, “When I get back, we’ll go to Disneyland for the whole weekend.”

“Mommy and Tommy will be going as well?”

Stopping in between making the pancakes, he asked with a venom laced tone, “Tommy who, Jace?”

“Mommy’s new friend. We like him.” Your son continued petting the dog without realizing the damage he is doing to his father. “New friend” was always a code for boyfriend and Chris didn’t know what to do with that information.

He knew that you had gone on a few dates with Tom Hiddleston because of the paparazzi. But he didn’t know that you both were serious. Your kids knew about him so it was pretty damn serious.

“He won’t be going with us.” Speaking with finality, he resumed cooking. You were his and that was not going to change. He knew he was being unfair but when it came to you, he lost all rationality.

“But he is our new dad.” Mia whined from her place and Chris just looked at her with a wounded look. His babygirl was putting someone else in his place.

His voice boomed throughout the house and both the kids looked at him with tears in their widened eyes, “I’m your only dad. Don’t you ever say that.”

“‘m sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you mad.” Her chin wobbled and Chris was quick to realize his mistake. It was not your children’s fault. It was not your fault. It was his fault.

“Not your fault, baby. But you only have one daddy and that’s me.” Kissing her forehead, he wiped the single tear that managed to escape her blue eyes.

“’kay.” The kids got distracted again but Chris did not forget. He was still seething from the inside because Tom may have taken you away from him but he damn well couldn’t take his children.

They all get ice cream afterwards and the kids fall asleep in their rooms that Chris built from scratch. It was a lengthy process because he just kept remembering the times when he decorated their nursery with you. Such a beautiful memory and he was ruining it. The guilt ate him up inside when he realized that he may not get to ever decorate a nursery for your children again. He may not get to expand his family with you again. Again, it was his fault.

“Sorry, ‘m late. Work was hectic today.” Everything was so busy today because your boss signed up a new contract and he has been impossible to work with. You just wanted to go home and sleep for the whole week.

“It’s okay. They’re sleepin’ upstairs. Listen, we need to talk.” He was too consumed by anger and hurt to notice that you were too exhausted for everything.

“Go on.” You urged him, figuring that he might say that he won’t be able to make it to your son’s match. This was what most of your conversations were based on; him saying that he is too busy to be present at occasions related to your children.

“Why are my children referring to your boyfriend as dad?” He nothing but spat that sentence.

“I- I didn’t know about any of this. I’ll talk to them.” Stuttering, you tried to mediate the situation but nothing seemed to get through to him at the moment.

“No need. I already did that but for next time, keep your boyfriends away from my children.”

“Our children and I don’t let anyone near my children. We are serious.” You were offended by his crude tone and you weren’t just going to let him walk all over you.

“You can’t be serious with him. As a matter of fact, you can’t be serious with anyone.” Your ex husband declared it like it was a law. He didn’t know how to react to what you said. All the pain was converted into anger because that was his current form of expression.

“Are you serious?” This was all too much for you to handle. How could he say that?

“Yes. You only belong with me. I regret it so much (Y/N).” Chris’s expressions told you where he was going.

“Oh, stop. You can’t just do that. Can’t come bargin’ in my life and mess it all up again. I am happy.”

Chris reached out his hand but you took a step back. He was not allowed to touch you anymore. “I was mistaken. My career is not above you, darlin’. Never was.”

“You made me feel worthless. You made me feel as if I was the reason our marriage ended. Won’t allow myself to get sucked back into this relationship.”

“I know I broke our family. I tore us apart and didn’t even apologize for it properly. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” There was a stream of tears running down his face and you wanted to wipe them away but you resisted.

There were still times when you wished that you were still happily married to Chris. That you still had your perfect, little family. The divorce made you feel worthless and lonely. There were times when you couldn’t even look at your children because they were the exact replica of your ex husband. You once adored the fact that they were his carbon copy. However, now you couldn’t help but get angry. How could he leave little pieces of himself behind and think that you could move on with your life.

It was all because you were with another man. He never said all these things when you were alone and you suffered from depression. There were days when you couldn’t get out of bed to get your kids ready for school. You knew that Jace had informed him because he was really worried about you and he always shared his troubling thoughts with Chris. But he didn’t do anything about it. He stayed quiet and you had to pull all the pieces back together yourself. It was all tape and glue. Your ex husband didn’t get to come back and dismantle your progress. You wouldn’t let him.

“You can’t do this. Can’t come back. I am with Tom now so stop trying to fix things that you already broke.” Your face was red with anger and all the energy was drained out of your body.

“Please, just give me a chance.”

“No!” You couldn’t choose Chris again. You had to choose yourself. You chose to think about your needs and your feelings for the first time in seven years. That’s why you agreed to go on a date with Tom. He surpassed your expectations the first time and you knew that he could be your partner. No one could compare to Chris but Tom made his own place in your heart and you were glad about it. You continued on, “Tom is good for me so please don’t ruin my happiness again.”

Tom was great. He was good with the kids and he was slowly becoming an integral part of your life. You still missed Chris because that man was the love of your life for seven years and those feelings can’t just disappear with a single piece of paper. You were glad to have Tom in your life and you knew that as time would pass, you will love him with your whole heart. However, a small part of you would never forget Chris and would always wonder about the what ifs. What if you were still together? What if you had more children? What it you got to grow old together? Broken dreams are what hurts the most.

“I don’t want to be a cause of that. Not again. But I want to make things right.” He unintentionally came closer to you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Sorry I wasn’t there for our kids. Sorry that I broke you, baby.”

“A sorry doesn’t fix anything.” His chest was hallowing from inside out but he didn’t want to back down. Not now. Not ever.

“Just answer one question for me. Are you truly happy?” A tremble was prominent in his voice but you tried to ignore it.

“I-I am. For a long time, I wasn’t but I am now.” You spoke with such conviction that he knew you were over him.

You would always love Chris but now it was time for you to move on with your life. It was time to leave the past and delve into the future. Chris would always own a piece of your heart but you are going to allow Tom to have an opportunity as well. You will open your heart again to love. You were sure now.

“Okay. I will get the kids for you.” He backed off like he promised he would. You knew at that moment that it was all over.

Watching you drive away with his kids was heart breaking for him and he just watched helplessly. Chris still wanted to cry, beg and apologize. He wanted you to take him back but it was all his fault. He ruined you once, he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t interrupt your new life. It doesn’t all revolve around him but he was okay to remain on the sidelines while you enjoy your life. He will be there for you if you needed him.

You are happy and that should be enough for him but he wants to be selfish again. He wants to fight for you but it’s all too late. You were with someone else. He lost his chance.

Wednesday rolled in pretty quickly and Chris dreaded going to the match. You were going to be there with your new boyfriend but he didn’t want to miss his son’s game. He could only be there till half time already so it wouldn’t be that awkward.

“I just wanted to be here for Jace. Won’t cause any problems.” Chris took a seat beside Mia when he saw you shifting uncomfortably. The seat that should have belonged to him was currently being occupied by your boyfriend but Chris just bottled up all his feelings. It was not right to still think of you as his wife.

“It’s okay. Let’s just forget about everything.” You wanted to move on and did not want anything to hold you back.

“Okay. Mia, you want Kit Kat?” Offering her a large chocolate bar, he started talking with his daughter so that he could distract himself from you and Tom.

“What is happening, love?” Tom questioned when he saw that his former co-star did not even glance at him properly.

Chris and Tom were not the best of buds but they were still good acquaintances. He thought that dating you wouldn’t be a problem because Scarlett had informed him that Chris was the one who asked for divorce. However, this situation made him realize that Chris was jealous. He still had feelings for you and Tom didn’t know how to react to that.

“Nothing of importance. Let’s just focus on my baby boy.” Saying that, you cheered for Jace as he made his first goal. He was an exceptional player like his father and you knew that he would pursue football as his career. Jace was really passionate about football. If Chris didn’t become an actor then he would have definitely tried out for football.

There were times when he used to take you to the park so you would play with him. It was your thing. Maybe he had replaced you with someone by now as well but what you didn’t know was that Chris had stopped playing football altogether. Like many things in his life, it reminded him of you and it was just too much to bear.

“You are doing great, buddy.”Jace immediately asked Chris to pick him up as you gave him his Captain America water bottle. It was half time and Chris had to leave for shooting. He was getting late but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Thank you, mommy. Ollie doesn’t listen to me that much so coach is angry at him.” Babbling on, he rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Okay, buddy. I have to leave now but I will call you when your game is finished.”

“Won’t be going with us to Chick-fil-A?”

“Uhh-” He cluelessly glanced at you because he didn’t know what his son was talking about.

“I wanted to give him a treat after the match.” Tom butted into the conversation to prove that he was a part of the kid’s lives as well.

Chris could have actually made it to the restaurant because he would be free in an hour tops. However, he decided against it. He had to take a step back for you. Of course, he would be there for his children but Tom should be given a fair chance as well.

“I won’t be able to make it buddy. You enjoy with Mommy and Tom. I’ll take you and Mia to Disneyland this weekend as I promised.”

“Okay, daddy. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” Giving him to you, he turned to leave. It was hard for him to do this but it had to be done. Chris wiped his eyes discreetly as he saw you all laughing together. This was his fault and he would have to bear the consequences.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

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A/N: This story had me in tears from the very start. I cried when I was writing it. Again, I am open to blurbs for this series and other requests. Tell me if you want to be added to my tag list.

Tag list: @peculiarpenman, @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet, @caanyoonmoon, @coldmuffinpartycloud, @marvelfansworld, @agnesk, @lauracontisstuff, @deepintothenature, @xcaptain-winterx, @nostxlgia18, @sophiaedits , @luckyladycreator2, @mrspeacem1nusone

Like, comment and reblog.

P.S. If you want blurbs and epilogue related to this series, please send in requests. I will need some ideas.

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#rachelleblodgettwrites #my writing #tv shows #wattpad #chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans fluff #chris evans angst #chris evans x reader #chris evans x wife!reader #chris evans x kids #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x you #dad chris evans #steve rogers x y/n #andy barber angst #andy barber x female reader #captain america #mcu #my imagination

[shiraishi-mai]

[2:00am]

You sat at the end of the table, swaying slightly in your seat. A department event was tonight and your friends finally convinced you to leave the house for once, claiming it would cheer you up.

"And I hate to admit it, but when he's nice, he's amazing," you sniffled. "And handsome."

You grabbed your friend's hands. "Like realllly pretty." You frowned.

"I hate him."

Your classmate looked at your friend amused.

"Is she going on about him again?" He sighed nodding.

"Damn she's been going at it for a while. Three weeks of just ranting about how horrible he was and how in love she was and crying."

"Why'd he have to say all that terrible stuff," you mumbled as you propped your face on your elbow. "Everything was so perfect." Your head nodded downward.

"Did you know she even had a boyfriend?"

"She blurted it out one day when Koko made fun of her for being single. But she studies all the time like she's in the library early in the morning, goes to classes, then studio, and I don't know when she even sleeps let alone have time to get a boyfriend."

"Or even hang out with him?" She spends her weekends either working or at the studio." Your friend frowned. "I kept trying to get her out of the apartment but-" they glanced at your half asleep figure. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea."

Their eyes widened as you laid your head on the table, cheek squished against the wood and facing away from them.

"y/n, y/n do you want to go home?" your friend tentatively asked.

"Nope, all good!" you threw a thumbs up high enough for him to see behind you without moving your head. "I'm just going to try to get the room to stop rocking." He nodded hesitantly and slowly your friends started conversing about school and other things while you tried to focus on your breathing. You closed your eyes in an attempt to reduce the strong pounding in your temple.

The door to the bar opened and a tall figure walked in scanning the bar. When his eyes landed on you, he drew in a sharp breath as he took in your slumped figure. Even half-passed out drunk, hair mussed, and head plopped on the table, you were so damn pretty.

"Is she sleeping," a familiar voice came from beside you and your eyes tightened in response. You were too out of it to register it and frankly to exhausted to care about whatever was happening around you.

"I don't think so," your other friend said, "But she was drinking a lot."

"y/n, let's go home." The voice was closer to your face now and you could almost feel the warmth radiating from the figure lowered in front of you.

"My head hurts," you whined.

"I know baby, let's get you some painkillers and then you can lie down."

Baby? He's real? Your friend mouthed at your other friend. He was shocked as he observed the very large man crouching in front of you with a soft expression. His yellow hair was a bit damp and his baby face had faint dark circles under his eyes. And you were right, he was handsome. They didn't expect your ex-boyfriend to look like that.

"Let's go pretty girl," he repeated and you slowly opened your eyes.

"'Tsumu I'm tired."

He swallowed as he felt the ache in his chest grow worse. You sounded so tired. A stark contrast to your usual lively self. Were you sleeping properly? Eating? You had a tendency to forget to eat...

You gazed at him and he resisted the urge to stroke your cheek.

"I know. I'm sorry." He frowned. "There's food at home though. Maybe that will make you feel better?"

You gave him a dreamy smile, "Yay food. Okay."

"Okay," he repeated, standing up while you attempted to.

"I don't think she would want you taking her if she was sober," your friend frowned. "y/n didn't you say this morning you didn't want to see him? What if he does something weird?" Atsumu opened his mouth with an offended expression when you said, "It's fine. He's an asshole but he wouldn't pull anything."

"Besides," you breathed, "I'm going to pretend tonight didn't happen anyway."

Ouch. Atsumu thought as you grabbed onto his wrist for support as you made your way out of the bar. When the cool air finally hit you, you sighed in relief as the throbbing in your head finally decreased. There was a small walk to the main road where the cabs were and you debated kicking off your shoes.

A squeal came from your mouth as you realised you were being picke dup.

"This'll be faster," Atsumu said as he carried you bridal style. He wasn't wrong and you didn't want to walk anyway so you just wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned into his warmth.

Having you in his arms and watching you automatically nuzzling into his chest made Atsumu clench his teeth, upset at the whole situation. If he hadn't messed everything up, maybe they would have been at home, snuggling or watching a movie. Or he could have gone with her and met her friends and they would have gone home happily, safely with each other.

***

When you reached the apartment, you fumbled with your keys before stumbling in and turned to stare at Atsumu as he stepped in after you.

"I'm just going to make sure you get to bed and don't hurt yourself." He said with his hands raised. Your face was expressionless as you just turned and walked into your room, flopping on the bed.

"y/n you need to change," he said following you in. "And you said you hate waking up with makeup."

"I don't care," you said quietly and Atsumu closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath as he walked over.

"Princess, sit up for me? Please?"

You sat up sleepily rubbing your eyes.

"Leg," he ordered and you stuck it out in front of you so he could take your boot off. After doing the same with the other, you watched him disappear into the bathroom.

Is he actually here? You thought hazily. He shouldn't be right? I should kick him out.

But you felt the fatigue in your bones and couldn't find the energy to yell or tell him to leave. After the breakup, balancing everything in your hectic life and doing it all with a smile when all you wanted to do was curl up in bed and do nothing was apparently unsustainable.

Seeing Atsumu made you want to wrap yourself around him and never let go. He was your support and had always helped you through bad days. It was ironic that the person you wanted to comfort you and talk about everything with was the cause of the problem.

You were staring at the floor when you felt something damp on your face. Atsumu was slowly dabbing at your cheeks with a wipe, gently taking off your makeup. He wouldn't meet your eyes as you stared at him. His eyes were tired too and something in them didn't look right. HIs entire face seemed less...bright?

"Close your eyes for me." He shook his head, resisting the urge to kiss you and continued.

When you opened them back up he was finishing taking off the last bit of lipstick, mouth slightly open and then smiling softly when he said, "Okay done."

I'm still in love with you. You felt the words bubbling on your tongue.

I love you so much. He felt selfish at the thought.

You sighed and began unbuttoning your shirt and Atsumu's eyes widened.

"H-hey," pink tinged his ears, "Um I'll go get you some water."

It's not like you haven't seen me naked before. You slipped on a shirt thrown on the floor and pulled shorts on.

"You're wearing my shirt," he commented when he came back in. You glanced down and remembered how you had worn it for the past few weeks, trying to find any form of comfort from the hurt you felt.

"It doesn't smell like you anymore," you mumbled, crawling under the blankets. The instant relief you felt as you laid down almost made you moan. Atsumu didn't reply as he gently set the glass of water by your bed stand.

"I guess I'll go now," he said, standing a bit awkwardly and picking up his jacket from the chair. He froze when he reached the door as he heard a quiet sniffle. The desire to be in his arms was driving you crazy and you felt your willpower crumbling.

"Could you stay," you bit your lip and kept your eyes closed. "At least until I fall asleep?"

There was a silence and you cursed yourself for asking, feeling another pang in your chest at the rejection.

You felt the mattress dip and your eyes opened in shock as Atsumu laid down carefully beside you on top of the blanket. He stuck an arm under your neck while the other wrapped around your back and moved you closer to his chest. He smelled like home.

Your tears had finally stopped and both of you sighed in relief as the tightness in your chests lightened considerably and your bodies relaxing for the first time in a while.

"Does your head still hurt?" he asked quietly.

"A bit."

You felt a hand begin to stroke your hair, smoothing out any tangles before resting on your cheek.

"I miss you," he said to the darkness.

"Me too."

"I'm sorry," his thumb stroked your cheek.

"Okay." you moved up to place your head in the crook of his neck and he rested his chin on top of your hair, tightening his arms.

***

You woke up confused. How did I get home?

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a box of meds and a note stuck on top.

"I got you some hangover meds and coffee should be made in the pot. I know you hate waking up alone but I thought it'd be better if I wasn't here. I know it doesn't mean much but, I still love you."

Your lip trembled and you looked up at the ceiling to keep your tears from falling.

"You're such an ass," you whispered. He still loved you but you had already forced Atsumu Miya out of your heart and there was no going back now.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #hq x reader #atsumu angst #atsumu x reader #atsumu drabble #atsumu miya x reader #ialreadyhaveaparttwolol #hq angst #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu drabbles

[swinterr]

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s 

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam. 

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a 

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart. 

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a 

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts. 

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex. 

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s 

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss. 

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung 

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please. 

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other? 

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years. 

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a 

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you... 

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily. 

5. crush by @jungxk | f s 

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife. 

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer. 

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order. 

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a 

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s 

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories. 

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”. 

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s 

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades. 

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise. 

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate. 

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s 

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by  @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?  

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

-  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment. 

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s 

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get. 

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s 

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

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