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joelmillerisapunk · 4 months

Text

a sweet arrangement

sugardaddy!Joel Miller x f!reader

Masterlist ♡ Sugar Daddy Masterlist

Wordcount: 3,374

Summary: You sign up for a sugar daddy app. What's the worst that could happen?

Warnings: 18+, fingering, oral (both m&f receiving), light bondage, reader might have pullable hair (i dont rememeber if i took it out) quick mentions of slut, baby, sweet baby, sweetheart, darlin

Notes: tysm @saradika-graphics for the dividers. I was cheated on over the weekend, and I wrote this as a "I wish I could be here" instead of being sad." Just another rich!daddy fantasy

You've been feeling financially stretched lately, and after hearing about the concept of sugar daddies and sugar babies from a friend, you decided to give it a try. You sit on your bed and hesitantly create a profile on a popular app, describing yourself as a young, independent woman looking for a mutually beneficial arrangement. As you sit scrolling through, you can't help but feel a sigh of reluctance escape your lips. You never expected to find yourself on a sugar daddy dating app, but life has a way of surprising you sometimes.

After a few moments of looking around the site, a notification pops up. It's a message from a user named "Contractor_Guy."

Curiosity piques, and you open the message, hoping it's not some creepy come-on. To your surprise, it reads:

"Hey there. I don't usually do this sort of thing, but I figured it's worth a shot. My name's Joel. If you're interested in getting to know me, send me a message back."

Feeling intrigued, you reply:

"Hi Joel, I'm not sure what 'this sort of thing' is, but I'm curious now.”

The response comes quickly.

Contractor_Guy: "Haha, 'this sort of thing' is something I usually avoid. But hey, it's a new day, and who knows what it might bring?"

You: Hopefully luck! But seriously, what exactly are you avoiding?"

Contractor_Guy: "Haha, well that's a bit of a long story, darlin.”

You: "Oh, I don't mind a long story. I've got some time to kill. Besides, I find it intriguing that someone like you is on a sugar daddy app.”

Contractor_Guy: "Well, my last experience wasn't the best, and I'm just being cautious this time around.

But, here's the long version. I met a girl a few years back, and at first, things were great. We clicked, and the relationship was mutually beneficial. I was able to provide for her in a way she couldn't for herself, and in return, she was there for me when I needed emotional support. As time went on, she started to change. She became more demanding and less appreciative. It got to the point where she would expect extravagant gifts just for a simple text or phone call. I realized that she was only interested in my money and not in the relationship we'd built."

You: "I'm sorry to hear that. It's not easy to find someone who's genuine and appreciates what you have to offer."

Contractor_Guy: "Yeah, it was a tough lesson to learn, but I'm hoping to find someone different this time. Someone who appreciates the little things, too, not just the material things."

You: "I think that's a fair expectation. We all deserve to be appreciated for more than just our wallets. So, Joel, tell me more about yourself. What do you do for a living?"

Contractor_Guy: "I'm a contractor. I do mostly residential construction and home remodeling projects. What about you? What do you do when you're not scrolling through dating apps?”

You: "Lol, I'm usually at work. I'm a graphic designer, so I spend most of my days in front of a computer. It's not the most glamorous job, but I love what I do."

Contractor_Guy: "A graphic designer, huh? That's pretty impressive. I've always been more of a hands-on guy myself. But I must admit, there's something intriguing about a woman in the arts.”

You: "And who doesn't love a man who can wield a hammer and a chainsaw with equal ease?"

Contractor_Guy: "Oh, I'm definitely good with my hands darlin' ;). ”

You: "Maybe one day you'll show me just how good you are with your hands."

As the conversation continues to flow effortlessly, you both exchange numbers and agree to meet for a coffee date tomorrow. Before signing off, you send a playful message with a picture attached

You: "Well, I'm off to begin the countdown to our coffee date. I'll leave you with this little teaser. ;)"

Insert a picture of you posing confidently in a cute outfit, with a mischievous grin on your face.

Contractor_Guy: "Wow, that definitely has me counting down the hours! I can't wait to see you in person."

With that, you end the conversation eagerly anticipating your first in-person meeting with the intriguing contractor.

The two of you meet for the first time at a trendy coffee shop downtown, and you can immediately sense Joel's charm and confidence. You can tell he's done this a time or two. He offers to buy you a drink and pulls out the mattest black credit card you have ever seen to pay with. He guides you to a table in the back corner, and you both engage in light conversation, discussing your interests and goals. Joel is clearly intrigued by you, and you feel a spark of attraction towards him as well.

"So, tell me more about yourself," Joel says, his eyes locked on yours.

"Well, like I said on the app, I'm a freelance graphic designer," you reply, “It's not the most stable job, but I love what I do."

"I can imagine," Joel says, a hint of admiration in his voice. "I've always been a fan of the arts. But I'm sure you understand the struggles of making ends meet as a freelancer. That's why I'm interested in this arrangement."

"I do understand," you agree, your mind already contemplating the potential benefits of such an arrangement. "It would be nice to have some financial stability while still being able to pursue my passion."

"Exactly," Joel says, his tone firm but understanding. "And in return, I'd like you to be my companion when I need someone to spend time with. We can go on dates, attend social events, or just relax at home. I value your company, you're easy on the eyes and brain, and I believe we would make a great team."

"I think that sounds fair," you say, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "I'm looking for something similar - someone who understands my situation and is willing to help me out."

Joel offers to take you to his place for a glass of wine, and as he leads you to his car, the conversation shifts to the details of the arrangement.

"Now that we've established the terms," Joel says, his voice low and serious, "I want to make something clear. I'm going to support you financially in any way you could ever dream of or want, but there's one condition."

"What's that?" You ask, your curiosity piqued.

"I want access to you whenever I please, however I please," Joel says, his eyes meeting yours. "I want to be able to use you for my pleasure whenever I want. Are you comfortable with that?"

Your heart races as you consider his request. You know what he's asking for, and you're not sure if you're ready for that level of intimacy. But at the same time, you can't deny the excitement coursing through your veins.

"I need some time to think about it. This is a big decision."

"Of course," Joel replies, his tone understanding. "Take all the time you need. But remember, this is the condition of our arrangement."

As Joel drives you to his mansion, you can't help but feel a mixture of excitement and trepidation. This is unlike any arrangement you've ever been a part of, and you're not sure what to expect. As you follow Joel upstairs, your heart races in anticipation. He leads you into a large, dimly-lit room, its walls adorned with black velvet and soft, glowing lights. A large bed dominates the center of the room, surrounded by various toys and restraints.

"I want to show you what I mean when I say I want access to you whenever I please.” Joel says, his voice thick with desire.

Joel leads you over to the bed, his eyes never leaving yours. He takes a seat on the edge, patting the space beside him. "Come here, sweetheart," he says, his voice soft and inviting.

You hesitate for a moment, unsure of what to do. But the curiosity and excitement pulsing through you win out, and you find yourself sitting down next to him. Joel's hand reaches out to gently brush a strand of hair from your face. "You're so beautiful, you know that?" he says, his gaze intense.

You feel your entire body get warm at the compliment, your heart racing faster than ever before. "Thank you," you murmur.

Joel's hand begins to trace a path down your arm, sending shivers coursing through your body. "I want to make you feel good, sweetheart," he says, his voice low and husky. "I want to give you pleasure like you've never experienced before."

Your mind is racing as Joel's hand continues to explore your body. You're not sure what to do, but you find yourself leaning into his touch, your body craving more.

"I want to show you something," Joel says, his eyes twinkling with mischief. He stands up and walks over to a large wooden chest at the foot of the bed. He opens it, revealing a variety of toys and restraints. Your heart races as you take in the sight. You've never seen anything like this before, and you're not sure what to make of it. Joel walks back over to you, a blindfold in his hand. "I want to show you how good it can feel to let go and trust someone," he says, his voice soft and soothing.

You hesitate for a moment but something about Joel's words and the look in his eyes makes you feel safe, and you find yourself nodding in agreement. He gently places the blindfold over your eyes, cocooning you in darkness. You can feel his hands on you, guiding you back onto the bed. You trust him, and you let yourself relax into the feeling of his touch.

Joel's hands continue to explore your body, tracing patterns and circles that send shivers of pleasure coursing through you. You can feel the bed shift as he leans over you, his breath hot against your ear. "I want to make you feel so good, sweetheart," he whispers, his voice barely above a whisper. Your breath hitches as his hands continue to wander.

Suddenly, you feel something soft and silky against your skin. It's a scarf, and Joel is using it to gently bind your wrists to the bedposts. You gasp at the feeling of being restrained, but the sensation is not unpleasant. Instead, it heightens your senses, making you more aware of every touch and caress.

Joel continues to explore your body, his hands moving lower and lower until they reach the waistband of your pants. He pauses for a moment, waiting for your consent. "May I?" he asks, his voice low and husky. You nod, your breath coming in short, sharp gasps. He slowly begins to slide your pants down your legs, his hands lingering on your skin as he goes. You can feel the heat of his touch, and you find yourself arching up towards him, wanting more. Finally, your pants are off, and Joel's hands are free to explore your body in earnest. He caresses your thighs, your hips, your stomach, each touch sending waves of pleasure coursing through you.

You can feel yourself growing wet, your body responding to Joel's touch in ways you've never experienced before. You moan softly, your hips bucking up towards him. Joel takes the hint, his fingers finding their way to your wetness. He begins to explore you, his touch gentle but firm. You gasp at the sensation, your body quivering with pleasure. His fingers move in slow, deliberate circles that send shivers of pleasure coursing through your body. You find yourself moaning louder and louder, your hips bucking up towards him as you chase the feeling of release. Finally, you can't take it any longer. You cry out as the orgasm washes over you, your body trembling with pleasure. Joel continues to touch you, his fingers gentle as they bring you down from the peak of pleasure.

Slowly, your breathing returns to normal, and you become aware of your surroundings once again. The blindfold is still over your eyes, and you're still bound to the bed. But you feel safe and content, your body still humming with pleasure. He unties the blindfold, and you blink your eyes against the sudden brightness of the room. He's standing above you, a wicked smile on his face. "Did you like that, sweetheart?" he asks, his voice low and seductive.

"Yes sir," you get out with a hoarse voice.

Joel's gaze travels down your body, taking in the sight of you spread out on his bed, still bound to the bedposts. "Mmm, such a good girl already," he says, his voice full of satisfaction. "I have so much more I want to show you."

He walks over to the wooden chest at the foot of the bed and rummages through it, pulling out a variety of toys and restraints. Joel turns back to you, a pair of handcuffs in his hand. "May I?" he asks, his voice low and seductive.

“You may."

Your heart racies with excitement as Joel cuffs your hands above your head, replacing the soft, luxurious ribbon, and securing you back to the bedpost. You test the restraints, finding that they hold you firmly in place. Your heart is racing with excitement, your body tingling with anticipation. He walks back over to the chest and pulls out a vibrator. He turns it on, the buzzing noise filling the room. You watch as he approaches you. He traces the vibrator over your body, teasing you with each touch. You arch up towards him, wanting more. But Joel is in control, and he takes his time, drawing out the anticipation until you're nearly begging for release."Are you ready for more, darlin’?"

“Yes please,” your breath coming in short gasps.

"Good girl." He traces the vibrator lower, teasing your clit with each pass. You moan, your hips bucking up towards him. But he pulls the vibrator away just as you're about to come.

You whimper in frustration, but Joel just smiles. "Patience, baby, patience," he says.

He continues to tease you, bringing you to the brink of orgasm again and again, but never letting you fully come. You're writhing on the bed, your body begging for release when Joel leans down and whispers in your ear. "Do you trust me, sweetheart?"

You nod, your heart racing. "Yes, I do," you whisper.

Joel smiles, his eyes twinkling with mischief. He leans down and captures your lips in a passionate kiss. You moan, your hips bucking up towards him. You're ready for whatever comes next.

Joel breaks the kiss, his eyes locked on yours. "I'm going to take you to the edge, sweetheart," he says, his voice low and seductive. "And then I'm going to bring you back again. And again. And again. Until you can't take it anymore."

Joel's hand moves back to the vibrator, tracing it over your clit once again. This time, he doesn't stop. He continues to tease and pleasure you. Suddenly, Joel pulls the vibrator away once again. You whimper in frustration, but before you can protest, he's replaced it with his mouth. His tongue expertly teases your clit. His hands roam your body as he brings you to the brink of orgasm once again. This time, however, he doesn't stop. He continues to lick and suck at your clit, his fingers entering you and curling against your G-spot as he pushes you over the edge.

You cry out, your body shaking with pleasure as you come hard against his mouth. Joel doesn't stop, his tongue continuing to torture you as you ride out the waves of your orgasm. As you come down from your orgasm, you gasp for breath, your body still trembling with pleasure. Joel's gaze is intense as he watches you, his face flushed with arousal.

"That was so, fucking good," you manage to gasp out, your voice still hoarse from your orgasm.

Joel smiles, his eyes never leaving yours. "I'm glad you thought so," he says, his voice low and seductive. "But I think it's your turn now."

"My turn?" you ask, your eyes wide with curiosity.

"Yes," Joel says, his smile widening. "It's time for you to return the favor.”

You feel a pang of nerves flood your body. “But I'm still all tied up.”

Joel smirks, leaning in. He grabs the hollows of your cheeks, forcing you to look at him, “ I never said you needed to be untied, did I.”

You swallow hard, your mind racing with the implications of his words. Joel releases your cheeks, his gaze traveling down your body. "You're going to make me very happy tonight, sweetheart. Just remember - I want access to you whenever I please, however I please. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," you reply, your voice full of submission.

Joel's smile widens, and he reaches down to unfasten his pants. He steps out of them and his boxers, revealing a hard, thick, ready erection. He climbs onto the bed, his legs straddling your chest. "Now, I want you to take me into your mouth," he says, his voice firm and authoritative.

Your heart is racing as you obey. He brings it up to your lips, and your tongue darts out to lick the tip. You can taste the hint of salt and musk, and you find yourself growing aroused again. You open your mouth wide to accommodate his size. He tastes so good, so intense, and you can't get enough. You begin to move your head, your mouth sliding up and down his shaft. Joel gasps, his hips bucking up towards you.

Suddenly he grabs your hair and holds his cock to the hilt, filing up your entire throat, blocking your airway. You try to gasp for breath as Joel holds you down on his large throbbing cock but it's no use. Your head is swimming with pleasure and arousal, and you're not sure if you can take anymore. Just then Joel releases his grip on your hair, allowing you to breathe again. You take the opportunity to pull away, gasping for air. Joel smirks down at you. "Such a good little slut for daddy already," he says, his voice full of praise. "Daddy wants to see more. Show me how much you want me."

You nod, your heart racing with anticipation as Joel pulls away and undoes your restraints. When he's back on the bed, you take him back into your mouth, your hands roaming his beautiful, full thighs. You begin to suck and lick at his cock, your tongue exploring every inch of him. You can hear Joel growing more aroused, his breaths coming in short gasps.

You feel a hand on the back of your head, guiding you. Joel is thrusting into your mouth, his cock sliding in and out. You moan around him, your hands reaching up to cup his balls. He's tensing, his hips bucking harder with each thrust. Suddenly, he lets out the most primal groan you've ever heard, his cock swells in your mouth. He thrusts into you one more time before coming. You can feel his warm come filling your mouth, and you swallow it down eagerly. Joel groans, his hips stilling as he rides out his orgasm.

You pull away, gasping for air and Joel collapses onto his back, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You can see the satisfaction on his face, and you feel proud of yourself. You've never done anything like that before, and you're not sure how you feel about it. But there's a part of you that's excited, that wants to do it again.

You're both panting heavily, your mind still reeling from the intense experience you've just shared. Joel's gaze is locked on yours, his eyes full of admiration and desire. "You were amazing, sweetheart," he says, his voice a low rumble. "I can't wait to show you more." A wave of excitement washes over you as Joel reaches out and gently strokes your cheek, his fingers lingering against your skin. "I want to make this arrangement work, darlin," he says, his voice soft and earnest. "But I need to know that you're in this for the right reasons."

Your heart races as you consider his words. You know what he's asking, and you're not sure if you're ready for the level of intimacy and commitment this arrangement requires. But at the same time, you can't deny the excitement coursing through your veins, the thrill of being desired and pursued by someone like Joel. You nod, your heart racing with both excitement and trepidation. "I think I'm ready to accept your condition," you say, your voice low and hesitant. "But I need to know that you're in this for the right reasons, too."

Joel's eyes meet yours, his gaze intense and serious. "I promise you, I want nothing more than to care for and support you, both financially and emotionally," he says firmly. "And I expect the same companionship in return."

You take a deep breath, your mind racing with the implications of your decision. But there's a part of you that's eager to explore this new world, to find out what it means to be truly desired and cared for by someone like Joel.

"Okay," you finally say, your voice full of resolution. "I want to make this arrangement work too."

Joel's face breaks into a smile, his eyes filled with relief and joy. He pulls you into a warm embrace, his arms wrapping around you tightly. "Thank you, sweetheart," he whispers, his voice full of gratitude. "I'm going to make sure you never regret this decision."

---

Thanks for reading ❤️ let me know if you'd like more from these two

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller #pedro pascal #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #daddy!joel miller #sugardaddy!joel miller

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starstruckmiraclekitty · 1 year

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Hello!! How do we feel about a Ghost x reader where the reader has trouble opening up emotionally. When she does, she feels like she’s burdened him and has to make up for it…kind of “earning back his love” through acts of service. Love your work!!!!

Thank you so much!!!! I hope this is what you were looking for. I relate to this so much😭

Synopsis: You finally open up to Simon about your depression, but end up feeling like a burden after doing so.

Warnings: mentions of depression, worthlessness and being a burden, swearing, angst

I've Got You, Kid.

“Have any of you seen Y/N?” Ghost had spent the better part of 20 minutes trying to find you on base.

“Think the lass went out for a walk in the courtyard, she said something about needing fresh air.” Soap said, looking away from his card game with Gaz to address Ghost.

Ghost grunted in reply, and made toward the courtyard. He’d been wanting to talk to you all day. You were fairly quiet the whole week, and not acting quite like yourself.

He found you on one of the benches in the courtyard, staring up at the sky. He stopped before approaching you to take in your features. You looked beautiful in the moonlight. You had almost looked as if you were glowing. The thing that he'd noticed most of all, though, was the frown that was etched on your face.

"Hey, love." He gently touched your shoulder to get your attention.

"Oh! Hey. Doing okay?" You turned to look at him, mustering a smile best you could.

"I should be asking you that. Are you alright?" Simon's eyes softened as they took you in. He could tell the smile on your face wasn't a genuine one, and it tugged at his heart.

"I'm fine, just tired is all." You waved away his concerns and looked back up at the night sky.

"Y/N. We've been together for how long? I know when something is off, love. Talk to me, please." He begged quietly, turning your face toward him with his hand.

You took a deep breath and furrowed your brows as you debated on telling him. You'd been feeling down for a while now. Your depression would come and go randomly, but this time, it was worse than usual. You weren't one for talking about your feelings, though. Coming from a family who was not keen on sharing emotions, you learned from a young age to bottle up your feelings. The way Simon was looking at you, however, had you feeling that it may be okay to let him in on your internal struggle.

"I um. Just haven't been feeling myself. I don't feel like I've been doing a great job out in the field, I'm tired all the time, and I just feel, I don't know. I've been feeling worthless." You grew quiet as you finished your thought, turning your gaze to your folded hands in front of you. "I just can't shake this feeling, no matter how hard I try."

"Hey, now. None of that. You've been doing amazing, kid. Price was just telling me the other day how good you've gotten." Simon said as he grabbed your fidgeting hands in his, stroking them softly. "Thinking like that will only bring you down worse."

"Yeah, you're right. It's stupid. Just gotta shake it off." You said softly and tried your best to give your lover a genuine smile.

"It's not stupid." Simon gave you a warm smile in return and kissed your temple. "Why don't we go get some sleep. It's been a long day."

You nodded your head in agreement, biting your lip to keep it from quivering. You thought maybe opening up to Simon would've made you feel better, but it made you feel worse. You weren't sure exactly what you'd wanted him to say, but his words did little to ease your somber mood. To make matters worse, you felt that you annoyed him. He had enough of his own problems to deal with, he didn't need you adding yours to his plate as well.

Taking his arm, the two of you walked to his quarters in a comfortable silence. At that moment, you wanted nothing more than to climb in bed and cry yourself to sleep.

The next morning, Simon awoke to your side of his bed being cold. He stretched his arms out to pull you close, only to find your side empty. He sat up hoping to find you still in his room, and frowned when you weren't there.

Thinking you must've gotten an early start without him, he got up to start his day, pausing abruptly when he saw a note lying on top of his mask, with a pair of fresh clothes for him to wear.

Washed up your mask, and uniform! Was a little dirty, so I thought I'd give it a good clean. Used the soap you like, too. - Y/N

Simon chuckled to himself as he inspected his mask. It'd been a while since it was cleaned, and he couldn't help but smile as he got a whiff of the detergent he loved so much.

Later on, he made his way into the mess hall where he found you sitting with Soap.

"Morning, love. Thanks for washing my mask." He kissed your brow as he approached. " 'M gonna go get some-"

"Already got it for you! Coffee black with two sugars, and a plain bagel one side with cream cheese and one with butter!" You cut him off, pointing to the spot next to you.

Simon's eyes widened at your words, and looked down to find his usual morning breakfast sitting on the table beside yours.

"Gee, thanks, kid." He squeezed your shoulder lovingly before sitting down next to you.

"Shit, you two ever go sideways, Y/N just so you know I'm single…and more than ready to mingle." Soap joked, dodging a piece of bagel being thrown at him by Simon.

You chuckled to yourself before gathering your trash on the table and standing up.

"Leaving already?" Simon's eyes lifted from his food to meet yours, a bemused expression forming on his face.

"Yeah, got some stuff to do. Busy day!" You chirped, kissing Simon's head before making your way to the trash bin.

Simon looked back to his food before turning to Soap. "Is everything okay with her this morning?"

"Dunno, tried talking to her, but you know how she is." Soap smiled sadly, and his gaze fell on you, exiting the mess hall. "Somethings clearly up with her, though."

Simon grunted in reply, turning back to finish his breakfast.

In the evening, Ghost still hadn't seen you since the mess hall that morning. He'd kept an eye out for you the entire day, not spotting you once. You hadn't even joined him for lunch, which was rare for you.

He walked into the weapons locker to report for weapon cleaning duty, and was shocked when he stepped foot inside. All of the weapons had already been cleaned, and neatly stacked in such a way that he immediately knew you were the one to do it.

Ghost took a deep breath, and let his thoughts race. You were always a kind lover, going above and beyond to help him, but this was extreme. For you to do all the things you'd done for him today, yet not show your face much at all the entire day? Simon felt his heart strings tug a little, and he knew he had to talk to you.

Did he not say the right things last night? Were you still feeling upset? He knew he was bad with words, but he had truly thought he'd gotten better at it.

Making a B-line for the mess hall, he was hoping you'd still be there finishing up your dinner.

When he'd arrived he was elated to find you still sitting in your usual spot, this time with Konïg. You were laughing quietly with the man before Simon approached the two of you.

"Hey! I can go grab you some dinner, do you want to join us?" You gave Simon a small smile, and moved to stand.

"No, I'm fine. Do you have a moment actually? To talk?"

"Okay." You followed Simon, who was moving at a rather brisk pace to exit the mess hall.

"Are you okay?" You questioned him once the two of you were alone.

"Y/N, sweetheart, please talk to me." He pleaded, grabbing your hands in his. "You haven't been yourself in days, and I thought everything was okay after last night. But it doesn't seem better, and I can't help but feel like I said something wrong."

Your eyes started to gloss over as you took in his words. You felt even worse now, knowing that Simon thought this was his fault. You were the one being the burden, not him.

"No, no. I just." You paused, not knowing what to say next. You, like Simon, weren't great with expressing how you felt, and were struggling to find the words.

"I- I feel like a burden. I know you have enough on your plate and here I am whining about being depressed. I felt bad so I.. was trying to make you happy." Tears were now falling down your cheeks, and Simon's thumbs came to stroke them away.

"Y/N, look at me. You are not, and never will be a burden, do you understand me? I love you more than you'll ever comprehend. I know I am not great at talking all the time, but my God I will listen to you and whatever troubles you may have, no matter how small they may seem to you." He spoke softly, as his thumbs continued to wipe away your tears. "And do not ever think you don't make me happy. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my shitty life, because of you."

"Simon." You sobbed, throwing yourself into his chest.

"I've got you, kid. I'm always here, okay? I love you so fucking much." Simon wrapped his arms tightly around you, rubbing your back in soothing circles. "Why don't we make a pact. Let's both do better coming to one another with this stuff. So that it never gets this far. That sound okay?"

You nodded your head against his chest, blinking away the remaining tears. Simon leaned down to place a kiss on your temple.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, Simon continuing to rub your back.

"I love you Simon, thank you." You said, pulling away to kiss him.

"Of course, that's what I'm here for, yeah? Why don't we go inside, I'll draw you a bath in my quarters."

"Only if you'll join me."

"Always." Simon smiled down at you, and took your hand to lead you toward his room.

—----------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thanks for reading!!☺️ Working on a few other requests but feel free to send any you'd like to see written!

#cod imagine #simon riley imagine #ghost mw2 #mw2 imagine #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley fluff #simon riley #ghost imagine #simon ghost riley

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authorred · 2 months

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Li Shen/Zayne (N)SFW Headcanons bc I'm horny for this man | Love and Deepspace | gn!Reader

Preface: As enigmatic Doctor Zayne tries to be, it's not difficult for you to figure him out. In fact, it unnerves him a little as to how easily you can pick him apart (not that he'd ever admit it and blow your ego up)

I LOVE THIS MAN MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF OKAY--XAVIER MIGHT BE NEXT SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THAT POOKIE X

This will definitely be NSFW (18+) so minors DNI (do not interact). Unless you do, which in that case I refuse to be held responsible for the content you consume.

Warning(s): NSFW content sprinkled in

Established lightweight--one glass of wine would make him a bit tipsy, but 4+ would make him borderline drunk

Gets more affectionate when drunk but is super pouty during??? Like he's not the one who touched you first??? Acts like he doesn't want to even though his hands are literally mapping your body like a constellation???? Tsundere even when drunk and obvious smh

When the jig is up he accepts defeat and just hugs you--doesn't care about sex or whatever, but wants to keep you close in whatever form that may be

Calls you 'my dear' a lot, and sometimes when he's feeling real romantical he'll call you 'darling, my love, sweetheart'

Doesn't like calling you 'baby'--it feels infantilizing to him. Same thing with 'baby girl' (to my fem!readers) but might do it on occasion if you really like it

Doesn't care if you call him petnames or not, but if you do he really enjoys 'my love' or if you have a nickname in another language (e.g: mi amor, 親愛なる, mon cœur, etc)

If you can speak more than one language fluently he is extremely impressed--he probably never bothered to learn another language that thoroughly, but he's super eager to be taught by you

Domestic, husband material as the fandom has agreed upon

Learn to cook together, or teach each other recipes

Is not dominant in the bedroom--or at the very least, a switch

Because you're telling me THIS MAN WHO WORKS HIS ASS OFF SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES AND HAS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE COUNTING ON HIM AND HIS RESEARCH AND WORK IS GOING TO GO HOME AND CONTINUE MAKING DECISIONS?

Not how that works psychologically

He is for your pleasure 100% but it's from a submissive stance

Will know what you want/how you want it/where you want it, and will give it to you without being asked if you're tired or are also mentally fatigued

Probably would not ask to be pleasured back, that's something you have to ease him into bc he doesn't feel he needs/deserves it?

Suck him off

Sometimes he'll come home frustrated from a bad work day, and then he might get a bit pushy/dominant

But overall he is submissive

Definitely is a top when it comes to penetration--wouldn't mind trying to get ate out/fucked from behind but I genuinely doubt he'd enjoy it that much

Might do it occasionally if you want it that badly

Does not get jealous, but gets territorial in a very condescending way

Is scared to love you at first

But he can't help it

I don't think he'd mind having kids, but I also don't think he'd mind not having kids--it'd be up to you, really

He would make a great father though--especially to a girl

Would die for you--genuinely, no exaggeration, would lay down his life for you if it meant you lived

Jokes on him bc you'd die for him too

His neck is sensitive to the touch

Always cold, please warm him up thanks

I feel like he likes iced tea but hates Arizona Tea

Likes teasing you a lot, nonsexually

He'd do well with someone contrasting to his personality

Wouldn't mind owning a cat or two, he'd just feel bad since he would have little time to spend with it

Is a sound sleeper but wakes easily

#relationship #fanfic writer #writers #writers of tumblr #gender neutral reader #headcanon #writerslife #romance #x reader #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace #love and deepspace zayne #zayne #li shen #zayne lads #lads zayne #lads #loveanddeepspace

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queenofapeacefuldawn · 5 months

Text

SPY × Family: Chapter 94 analysis unhinged thoughts

hello hello! i am back with my thoughts for the latest chapter! please note that there are spoilers ahead for chapter 94! (Long-ish post incoming?)

Okay, so I loved this chapter. I'm a person who loves locked room murder mystery type stories, so this definitely scratched that itch for me. Obviously, I'm biased.

Analysis (of sorts?):

Right off the bat I can say that this chapter isn't really oriented on emotions or certain character dynamics. It is pretty plot heavy (but. not to the main plot. this chapter in itself has a plot to its own, but I really really liked it).

So the chapter starts with Bondman facing off an enemy in a snowy mountain...

which, of course, inspires Anya to have an adventure of her own. She asks Loid to take her skiing, only to be flatly denied...

BUT! Agent Anya has tricks up her sleeve (threatening to cry), and that works on our dear, super-spy Agent Twilight (he's so weak and stupid y'all.)

side note:

he thinks he's soooo cool. he's not.

Anyway, we get Twilight trying to explain skiing to Yor, which... fails, kinda. we also get gymnastics from Yor, (SHE's the cool one), and a half-baked explanation from her about learning all that from a gymnastics teacher.

The Forgers are trapped in a snowy blizzard, which leads them to take refuge in a lodge. They meet a group of young college students, who regale them with a tale of a bloody snowman who kills people in the dark.

Might just be me, but this design reminds me of Type-F from the new Code White movie (note: this isn't exactly a spoiler, I haven't seen the movie, but this is what's on the wiki and in the trailers). The snowy backdrop + this Type-F-esque design might be a homage to the movie? Probably just me, though, haha.

Anyway, onto the main focus of the story (kidding, it's not):

WE COULD'VE HAD IT ALL..... YOR AND LOID SLEEPING ON THE SAME BED.... WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN....

(jk, it probably wouldn't have happened, but a girl can dream)

"Eh, why not?" Certainly, these words CANNOT exist in the vocabulary of THE Agent Twilight! Perhaps.... no, it can't be... he's finally RELAXED for once? Feeling secure enough to ASSESS THE LAYOUT FOR POSSIBLE ESCAPE ROUTES WITH HIS YOUNG DAUGHTER? No... it can't be possible....

(Sorry, I know I'm unfunny. I don't think that'll change)

But, genuinely, this just shows how at ease he is with his wife and daughter. He might not know it yet, but I know it (← somebody whose opinion isn't worth shit).

Finally, onto the main crisis of the story:

the would-be murderer.

There's something to be said about how he jumped into action to save the guy's life, (as one does), BUT. BUT

OHOHOHO. The minute Yor's in danger (see: the man reached out to grab her but Loid just grabbed his hand) he decides to find the killer to prove her innocence. (You know his adage? A spy should never draw attention to themselves.) The minute his WIFE was in danger he resolves to find the killer and prove Yor's innocence their guilt. HMMMMM. Agent Twilight, you ain't slick. I think you momentarily forgot about about your #1 lesson to never draw attention to yourself just to prove Yor's innocence. OHHHHHH. The fanfiction is fanfiction-ing

(I'M SORRY I'LL TRY TO BE FUNNY FROM NOW ON)

To summarize the rest of the chapter: Anya realises with her telepathy that the killer is the lodge owner, and meddles in the investigation to nudge Loid in the right direction, and the police arrive to the lodge to find the incident resolved. Everyone's happy, right?

Not... really.

Anya's excited because, "Wow, I solved a murder! So cool, best trip ever!"

But Yor and Loid aren't that happy. Loid is worried that this kind of meddling will get Anya in danger... and he's more worried that she isn't really grasping the gravity of the situation.

Which. She kind of isn't. A man was almost killed, but she's not showing any signs of shock? Remember, he was this worried even after the hospital visit where she makes a mess of that sand-model thingie, and after the bus hijacking arc, when she's hyped about the Stella, and he tells her that the Stella was "not for the reckless way you defied those hijackers."

Which.... is a lot of character development from the man who was A-OK with leaving her alone in the apartment, to now how he constantly worries about her wellbeing. Growth.

Also, another tidbit:

I feel like this chapter showcases another facet of his personality. Not Agent Twilight's, or Loid's, but [REDACTED]'s.

[REDACTED] always wanted to help. Even in the War Arc, when, in Luwen where he was staying at his great-uncle's house, we can see that he wants to catch fish for his and his family's dinner, while, in the backdrop, children are laughing and playing. It's always been in his character to help, and, hell, it's partly the reason he is who he is today. Agent Twilight wants to think that he left [REDACTED] behind after that fateful bombing in Luwen, but [REDACTED] is hanging around him like a ghost, and some of his character bleeds through the facade that is Agent Twilight, which is masked by the facade that is Loid Forger.

Final thoughts:

Loved the chapter. It's probably just me reading into it too much, but... that scene where he grabs the guy's hand who was trying to tie up Yor. Hm.

This entire chapter might have been a locked-room murder mystery type chapter, but I genuinely think that it showcases how much of an effect this family has had on Agent Twilight. What with taking Anya on a sweep of the premises to look for escape routes, to trying to prove Yor's innocence that definitely betrayed his number 1 rule as a spy... this man is truly so oblivious, I wanna cry.

(Also: did he not stop for a moment to think that him performing first-aid on the victim, or trying to build a radio from scratch OR playing detective to prove his wife's innocence IN FRONT OF A GROUP OF OSTANIAN PEOPLE would raise suspicions? Obviously, it was all overshadowed by the discovery of the would-be killer, but... at least one person had got to have been suspicious of Loid.)

(Also also: He's so weak. One look at her crying face and he's gone.)

This was just my thoughts from a preliminary read of the chap, so if I get more thoughts, I'll probably add onto it in a reblog or a new post. Tysm for reading! Hope you liked it, and have a great day/night! Remember to stay hydrated!

#spy x family #spy x family manga #spy x family manga spoilers #spy x family chapter 94 #spy x family chapter 94 spoilers #agent twilight #loid forger #thorn princess #yor forger #agent twilight x yor forger #twiyor #loid forger x yor forger #loidyor #anya forger #bond forger

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hyperactively-me · 6 months

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Hi! I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your series of King! Ghost x princess AU.

I'm watching Bridgerton right now and I wanted to ask if you could write something like them planning a big ball and when it starts, Ghost seeing reader in beautiful dress, all pretty, going down the stairs, all eyes on her, looking at her in awe. (Main character vibes, yk what I mean.) Like him falling in love with reader again!

king!ghost x reader -- ball

warnings: none

The fabric of your gown rustles as you settle into the seat of your vanity, the strings of your corset being pulled from behind by a helpful maid. As she secures the last knot, she takes a step back, bows, and leaves you to finish getting ready.

You shift in your seat, trying to even out the feeling of the corset pressing into your ribs and abdomen where you were stabbed a month and a half ago, sighing with relief when it eases into a more comfortable sensation. Turning your attention to your hair, you sweep it away from your face, adjusting the tiara sitting proudly atop your head.

Standing up from your vanity, you look in the mirror for a final inspection. You trace the delicate patterns on your gown with your fingertips, the golden threads and intricate embroidery garnering your gown seemingly glittering with a life of their own, embodying the glory fit for the queen of Kastron.

The idea of hosting a ball in your honor was daunting to you, to say the least, but many members of the royal council insisted on it. They wanted to commemorate your first year as queen of Kastron, and while you could hardly believe that you’ve been here for a year, the reflection in the mirror tells a different story. You’ve grown and learned so much from Kastron, and without it, you’re sure you’d be extremely unhappy back in your home kingdom. Without Kastron, and without Simon’s guidance, you would’ve never thought that you would be this educated, this aware of the world. At home, being kept in a protective bubble for the sole reason of being a woman, was destructive and insulting to you.

As you stand before the mirror, your gaze lingers on the place where the corset conforms to the contour of your healed wound. The memory of the stabbing is a reminder of the strength and courage coursing through you. The discomfort is a small price to pay for the contentment you have with yourself.

With a small breath, you turn away from the mirror, ready to step into the grand ballroom.

A footman standing outside your door ushers you to the double doors guarding the grand staircase you are supposed to enter. As you stand behind the doors, doubts creep in, and you find yourself hesitating. The bustling sounds of the ballroom makes you realize that all of these people are here just to see you. You know that Simon is down there, waiting for you, but the mere fact that this is something you have to do on your own is a little scary. The whole prospect of your grand entrance suddenly feels overwhelming.

The footman notices your hesitation and offers a reassuring smile. “Your majesty?”

You don’t turn to look at him, fingers digging into the fabric of your dress.

“I just… walk down the staircase, right?”

“Yes, your majesty.”

You nod, taking a breath.

“Okay… but what if I fall?” you ask, twisting your hands in your grip, looking up at him.

The doorman pauses and his gaze softens.

“Your majesty, a fall is unlikely. Stand tall, proud. You’ve done so much for our kingdom. Take each step with confidence, just how you’ve led Kastron alongside His Majesty. I believe in you.”

You didn’t expect your eyes to get a little watery from his words, but his genuine encouragement strikes a chord deep within you. A small, grateful smile forms on your lips as you blink back the unexpected tears.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and the doorman bows with reverence.

With newfound resolve, you straighten your posture, shoulders back, and take a final deep breath. You focus on the supportive words from the doorman and on spotting your husband.

In the ballroom below, Simon stands as stiff as a board beside the end of the staircase, hands clasped behind his back. He’s dressed head to toe in his military and royal regalia, a perfect blend of his identity. He scans the ballroom with an air of impatience, just dying to catch sight of you at the top of the staircase. Simon hasn’t seen you all evening, much to his dismay. You had giggled about wanting it to be a surprise for everyone, including him. He had grumbled at first, saying how it wasn’t fair to him, but he relented with an infatuated twinkle in his eye.

Simon finds his thoughts drifting to you, lost in a little daydream, when suddenly the doors at the top of the staircase slam open. A blare of trumpets sound, and your full name and title is announced by a guard.

As the doorman opens the doors, revealing the anticipation of the grand staircase, you step forward into the light cascading from the crystal chandeliers in the ballroom. Your hesitation transforms into a purposeful stride, each step guided by the realization of how much you’ve truly done and accomplished in the past year. The glamor of the ballroom unfolds before you, and the collective gasp from the attendees echoes in the cavernous room. The ballroom, now in full view of you, welcomes you with thunderous applause. But in that instant, all he sees is you—radiant, confident, and a symbol of exultation.

Simon swears he blacks out the moment you catch his eyes, his breath catching in his throat. The applause is deafening, but the only sound Simon registers is the rapid beating of his heart. His gaze, usually commanding and unyielding, softens into an expression of pure and unadulterated adoration. All around him, the court and guests might see a king, but in that moment, he feels like anything but.

As you descend the staircase, the eyes of the court, nobles, and dignitaries are fixated upon you. The rich fabric of your gown trails behind you, and the golden threads reflect like liquid sunlight, catching the glinting chandeliers above.

Simon watches you intently, his eyes fixed on you with an intensity that could rival a forest fire, each step you take closer to him causing his heart constrict in his chest, threatening to burst. In this moment, you are not just the queen of Kastron; you are the center of his whole universe.

His mind races, replaying the past year he’s spent with you. The memories of challenges and blossoming love flood his thoughts. Simon thinks about the times you stood by his side, the strength you showed even in vulnerability, and the unwavering support that gave him new purpose, an anchor of his rule. He’s overcome with gratitude for having you as his wife, his confidante, and his love. The responsibilities and trials of his status fade into insignificance compared to the depth of emotion that resting his eyes upon you elicits.

As you reach the bottom of the staircase, and your hand finds his, Simon feels a surge of warmth engulf him. You stand before him, a vision of resilience and beauty. Simon bows deeply and reverently before you, nose brushing against your knuckles as he presses a delicate kiss to your hand.

You smile, cheeks warming at his revere. Simon lifts his gaze to meet yours, his eyes reflecting a mixture of awe and profound love. “My queen,” he murmurs, his voice a low, resonant timbre that resonates intimately between the two of you.

“Simon,” you reply, your voice a soft utterance that only he can hear.

Simon straightens, a proud and genuine smile gracing his features. “Shall we, love?” he asks, offering his arm. You accept it with a graceful nod, and together you make your way to the center of the dance floor, leading the opening dance. As the music envelops you both, Simon leans in, his words meant only for you. “You look absolutely stunning tonight,” he compliments, his eyes never leaving yours.

You chuckle, the intimate moment lighting up your insides. “Thank you! And you are the epitome of regality. This uniform suits you well.”

Simon’s quiet laughter echoes in your eardrums, the sound blending seamlessly with the music. “Only because I have such a remarkable queen by my side.”

The courtly dance begins, and Simon guides you with practiced elegance. As you move in tandem, whispers of admiration from the onlookers fade into the background. It’s just the two of you, caught in a lovestruck dance.

As the opening dance nears its end, Simon pulls you closer into him, his gaze unwavering. “To think,” he muses, “a year ago, we were at odds with one another. And tonight, we stand here together.”

You smile softly, the shared sentiment passing between you, unspoken yet deeply understood. “And look how far we’ve come since then,” you reply, your voice soft yet resolute.

Simon guides you into a twirl, your dress rippling across the floor at your feet. When he pulls you back in, you don’t hesitate leaning against him unabashedly.

“Do you remember our first dance at the first wedding?” he whispers, a hint of nostalgia evident in his eyes.

“Vividly,” you reply, an amused smile playing on your lips. Your first dance was definitely something; you were scared out of your mind, and Simon had promised that you wouldn’t trip, and he made sure of it. You think that it was one of the first moments that you had felt a slight emotion for him other than disdain.

Simon’s expression softens, his eyes holding a hint of humor. “I remember thinking I had never seen someone so captivating. Even then, you held a grace that inspired me. And, I have to admit, your spirit was quite something. Made me appreciate the fact that you were so combative to begin with, that you’re someone who’s unafraid of standing up for themself.”

You laugh at his admission, the memory of your initial clashes and the unexpected turn of events that brought you to this dance. “Spirit?” you tease, “I prefer to call it determination.”

Simon grins, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your back as the music slightly shifts. “Determination, then. It’s one of the things that drew me to you. You never backed down, not even when faced with this idiot of a man at times.”

“As if I could back down,” you reply, squeezing his hand in yours. “You weren’t exactly making it easy. Your jawline is what really sold you to me.”

Simon’s laughter resonates through the room, a rich and genuine sound, his fingers tracing circles on your back as you continue to sway with the music. “My jawline?” he repeats bewilderedly. “Well, ‘m glad it worked in my favor.”

You chuckle, reveling in the lighthearted banter. “It was a contributing factor, let’s say that.”

Simon’s gaze deepens, his tone turning earnest.

“In all seriousness, though,” he begins, the mirth in his eyes giving way to a more vulnerable expression, his voice a soft murmur meant for your ears alone. “There was always something about you. Through every challenge you’ve stood strong. And in your strength, I’ve found my own. Just knowing you has changed me for the better, and for that I am grateful, not just as a king, but as a man who found his equal, his partner. I’m so proud of you.”

You don’t know what to say, getting choked up by the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Simon notices the tears welling up in your eyes, and he cups your cheek tenderly. His thumb brushes away a stray tear, and you bite your bottom lip. Your love for each other, immeasurable and boundless, spills over into every glance, every touch, and every step of the dance. Your heart swells at his words, and you find yourself staring into his eyes, captivated by the depth of emotion reflecting in them.

“God, Simon. I love you so much,” you finally manage to whisper, the weight of your feelings breaking through. Simon’s eyes soften even further, and he leans in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“I love you too,” he murmurs against your skin, his hold on you tightening. As the dance concludes, the courtiers erupt into applause. Simon guides you off the dance floor, his arm wrapped around you protectively. You exchange glances filled with unspoken understanding, squeezing his hand once more. You lean into him, moving to rest your head against his shoulder, a serene smile gracing your lips. The warmth of Simon’s embrace, the quiet hum of the music in the background, and the knowledge that you’ve found your person makes you forget all about your anxieties. At that moment, it feels like the two of you are the only people in the universe.

- - - - -

(masterlist)

taglist: @analyseeeesworld @dragonstoneshortcake

#simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #simon “ghost” riley x reader #simon “ghost” riley x you #hyperactivelyme

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stevethehairington · 2 years

Text

Eddie has learned how to read Steve's moods, to pick up on his tells. To know if today is going to be a good day or a bad day, and what flavor of insecurity will be flaring up the worst for him.

The days when Steve is feeling down about his scars and the permanent damage to his body, he doesn't like to be touched. And even though Eddie would love nothing more than to do exactly that, to brush his fingers softly over the mottled skin, to leave a gentle kiss over every single patch, to feel Steve living and breathing beneath his touch, he keeps his hands to himself and uses his words isntead.

Some days he has to be careful with those too — he'll remind Steve how beautiful he is. Tell him that he loves his scars because they mean that he survived. Wax poetry about how they match, how that must mean they're destined for one another. That they're a pair now, a matching set.

Other days he can get a little more creative with it —he'll swoon against the kitchen counter while Steve's pouring himself a glass of juice and fan his hand in front of himself and ask Steve, "Is it hot in here or is it just you?". Or he'll call Steve the most gorgeous man to grace the earth, scars and road rash and tail burn and all. Sometimes he'll ask Steve when his next action film is set to hit theaters, because he looks like the ruggedly handsome hunk that belongs front and center on the poster.

When the pendulum swings the other way and Steve gets too in his head about his personality flaws, he gets quieter. He'll try to isolate himself more, and if he does have to be around people, he won't add much to the conversation — out of fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of letting his bitchiness creep too far back into the Certified Asshole territory he's worked so hard to leave behind, fear of looking and sounding even stupider than he feels.

Those days Eddie eases back on the compliments towards Steve's looks and praises him for the less superficial things instead. Like when Steve does participate in conversations, Eddie always makes sure to be extra attentive to what he's saying and to acknowledge it too. He'll laugh at all of Steve's jokes and call him funny (even if the jokes aren't funny, but let's face it, they're all funny, because they're from Steve. And even if the jokes are technically bad, they're just so damn endearing coming from him, Eddie can't help but laugh anyways. Plus, like, Eddie does genuinely think Steve is a funny guy; he's got some good snarky comebacks and a whooole bunch of dorky dad jokes and they always hit, especially when Steve that cute, crooked grin curves onto his face after he delivers them, like he's just so damn pleased with himself for saying something so goofy).

Eddie will find ways to remind Steve of things he's done that showcase how smart he is, how thoughtful he is, how kind he is. Like he'll bring up how Steve has all of the kids' schedules memorized, doesn't even need to write it down or anything, and still manages to never miss an activity or a pick up. And he'll ask Steve if he's going to help Lucas practice before basketball tryouts again this year because he's got so much knowledge about the sport from when he played, and he's so good at it, and Lucas really looks up to him for that. Or Eddie will purposefully ask Steve questions that let him flex those muscles too, like, "Hey, Steve, what's Dustin's favorite color again? I'm painting this mini fig for his character and I wanna make the shield that color, but I can't remember if he likes red or blue more." That's wrong, the answer is actually green — Eddie knows this. But he also knows that Steve knows this. And he likes the way Steve perks up when he gets asked these kinds of things. Things he knows the answers for. Things he barely even has to think about, the answers just come so naturally to him. The hundreds of tiny, seemingly insignificant little details that are actually so ridiculously important because they highlight just how much Steve pays attention. Just how much he cares.

The compliments and the praise don't solve the problem completely; the insecurities are rooted deep. Eddie gets that, though. He has a lot of the same ones, and Steve is just as good at helping him when he gets in his head too. But they help. He knows from experience that they help. Because each time he starts to believe them a little more and his twisted brain a little less.

So he does what he can to help Steve believe them a little more too.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #ty liam for bringing the topic of steve and eddie and figuring out which compliments to give when up!!!#and to ria and rino for the fluff and the angst and the fluff that kicked all of this off so that it could end up here!!!#💕💕💕#mack writes #macks ficlets

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chaotic-archaeologist · 1 month

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long time follower, first time asker... i really need some wisdom or encouragement right now. i'm in my 30s and have been working on a bachelor's degree for years, in fits and starts, with a lot of setbacks. (finally landed on history with religious studies minor, but i used to study anthropology as well.) the thing is, i recently watched a guest lecture by a wonderful religious scholar (dr. francesca stavrakopoulou) and she was so... inspiring? erudite? smart? she was incredible to listen to, she seemed so in touch with her field and was able to draw amazing connections and answer questions with references to multiple religions and languages off the top of her head, was able to recommend peers of hers by name for other specialities, it was really inspiring.

but as awesome as she was, after the lecture was finished i was a little devastated because i feel like i will never be able to achieve that level of ease and expertise no matter how much i study. i feel like a fraud, i feel like my adhd is holding me back and turning my brain into swiss cheese. it's already taking me so much longer to get a bachelor's than it should and i'm painfully aware you have to have a PhD to really work as a historian; i feel like i'm so far behind that i'll never catch up and that as i get older i'll just get worse at learning... is this imposter syndrome? am i just struggling with a plateau and need to push harder to reach the next level? am i just not cut out for academia? have other academics also struggled with this? what do i do? :( i love this field more than anything, i have wanted to study people and history since i was in high school. i don't even know what i would do with my life if not this, but i just don't know if i'm completely out of my league and living in a fantasy land or if having a career as a historian is really still possible...

You know what, I'm really glad you asked this question.

I had a very similar experience recently, where I went to an academic talk that was so well done it left me thinking well shit, I'll never be able to do something like that. But you know what? I really do think that's the imposter syndrome talking.

I'm a fan of the four stages of learning. Unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence.

You and I, as upper level students, are maybe somewhere on the cusp of conscious incompetence and conscious competence, which is not an especially comfortable place to be. We're aware of how much we don't know, and when we do things, we have to try really hard to be good at them.

The talks we both watched were given by people at the level of unconscious competence. And you know how they got to that level? By doing a PhD and spending a really long time immersed in the literature. They started their learning journeys earlier, and so they know more than we do right now. Which is normal!!! At this point in our careers, we are not expected to be able to do work like this, and there's a reason for that—we're not ready yet. But with time, we will get there.

(Psst, you know what the biggest prerequisite for giving a talk like that is? It's passion and a genuine interest in your field. You can't learn that, or force it if it's not there. And it sounds like you've got it covered.)

So now I'd like to address your fears of being too old. I totally understand—ageism is real, and it's especially hard in college settings where everyone around you tends to be 1) much younger, and 2) on the high school -> college track. Not being on that track is not a moral failing. The higher education system in the United States is very hostile to anyone who doesn't perfectly fit into the university's machinery. That is a problem with academia, not with you.

I know plenty of nontraditional students who have gotten their degrees at varying ages. When they give you your diploma, it won't have your age on it or how long it took you to get your degree. What matters is that you've earned it, not when. Better now than never. Don't give up.

I would like you to try to do on thing for me: look back through your life and make a list of all the moments where you had an "aha" moment. When you realized this was something you wanted to do for the rest of your life. When you did something and felt good about it. And I do really mean write! it! down! Keep this list (and add to it) so you can look back at it. I pay attention to stuff like this when I write in my journal so I can remind myself during low moments.

Congratulations, it sounds like you're passionate about something enough to pursue it doggedly, even when things are difficult! That's something special that not everyone gets to have. I think you owe it to yourself to do your very best to pursue your dream.

-Reid

#academic advice #academia #imposter syndrome #internet brother

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genshingorlsrevengeance · 1 year

Text

(Genshin Impact) Hu Tao, Jean, and Rosaria with a tsundere reader

Hu Tao has an absolute blast turning (Y/N) redder than her flames.

She always comes up from behind to hear them yelp, giving a quick "Boo!"

(Hu Tao) "Hi there, miss me?"

(Y/N) "A-As if!"

(Hu Tao) "Aww, what happened to the nice (Y/N) from dinner last night?"

(Y/N) "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

To make them flustered gives her such life.

But what surprised her most of all, was that (Y/N) could make her equally amounts of flustered back by simply being themselves.

Hu Tao's heart almost stopped when (Y/N) smiled at her after a lengthy serious conversation at night.

(Y/N) "I'm really glad I got to meet you, Hu Tao. I'm not sure my life would be the same without you."

Ever since that day, Hu Tao has made sure to ease back on the teasing if they had a serious conversation.

(Hu Tao) "Hey, do you mind if I ask something?"

(Y/N) "Sure, what's on your mind?"

(Hu Tao) "Um...Wanna go out for dinner? No pranks this time, I promise."

(Y/N) "..."

(Hu Tao) "...Maybe just one."

(Y/N) smiled, which warmed her cheeks, thankfully they didn't notice that.

(Y/N) "That sounds more realistic. Sure, I'd love to."

(Hu Tao) "Aw, does that mean you do like me?"

(Y/N) "Huh?"

(Hu Tao) "M-MY PRANKS!"

(Y/N) coughed awkwardly and looked away.

(Y/N) "A-Ah, right. I mean! No, of course I don't!"

Okay, they definitely noticed that flubb up.

She was surprised at her own inability to catch that mistake, what was kind (Y/N) doing to her?!

Jean always had some way to wiggle her way out of (Y/N)'s harsh remarks.

Whether it was by being so genuinely nice and caring, or stern, (Y/N)'s tsundere tendencies always died at the tip of their tongue when speaking to Jean.

Jean is slightly aware of it though, due to hearing it from others.

She's pretty used to it and knows how to talk her way around it thanks to Eula.

But what she isn't immune to is (Y/N)'s scolding when she's working.

(Y/N) "Come on Jean, the Acting-Grand Master doesn't need to be chasing a cat! Do you wanna get yourself killed by exhaustion over a dang cat?!"

(Jean) "I-I think that's an exaggeration."

(Y/N) "What happens if I'm not around and you get yourself hurt? Then I'd have to drag you to Barbara myself!"

Jean very much appreciates their concern whenever they voice it.

Which is very often.

But, to her surprise they're always a little red whenever they say they care about her.

Jean always wonders why that's exactly the case. Surely it's not embarrassing to say you care for a friend?

Then again, Eula did the same, so it was probably that.

Rosaria is able to get a reaction out of S/O often with her deadpan expression.

(Rosaria) "Since you hate me, guess I'll go to Angel's Share by myself."

(Y/N) "What makes you think I hate you, you idiot?!"

Rosaria's lips turn into a smug grin, small enough to overtake her attitude, but big enough to annoy (Y/N).

(Y/N) "L-Look, I'll go with you, okay?!"

(Rosaria) "You can just say you want to go with me, you know."

(Y/N) "Just get moving, will you?"

They try to hide their blush, but it always fails.

Rosaria thinks their reactions are a little cute, but what surprised her the most was how quiet they were the first time they were patching her wounds at night.

(Rosaria) "...You okay?"

(Y/N) "I'm fine. The real question is, are you?"

(Rosaria) "I'm still breathing, aren't I?"

(Y/N) "But for how long?"

...

(Y/N) "If you ever get hurt like this again, come straight to me. But try not to do this anymore, got it?"

She can hear their scolding tone, but their eyes were filled with such worry.

(Rosaria) "I can't promise I'll be squeaky clean. But...I'll make sure I'll go to you first."

(Y/N) "Good."

Ever since, Rosaria always had a caring, if a little angry, individual bandaging her up.

Rosaria has learned to half tune out their scolding, but she's grown to enjoy having company after a job well done.

On the plus side, she gets a comfy bed to sleep on, though she insists it's fine to share the bed with her.

Which that answer always gets a laugh out of Rosaria, seeing them almost scream "HELL NO!", though it's obvious they want to.

Maybe one day, she'll have to drag them in there...

#genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #hu tao x reader #jean gunnhildr x reader #rosaria x reader #hu tao #jean gunnhildr #rosaria genshin impact

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badhabitnun · 7 days

Note

Hi, Green!!! I noticed in your bio you said you're a post-hiatus phannie and I'm curious, what got you to start watching them? Do you remember your first impressions?

(Sorry if this has been asked before! I hope you're having a wonderful day and also just wanted to add I lovedddd your phasquerade art, it's hilarious and adorable 💚)

-Ser :)

hi ser!! this is actually my first ask on this blog, so i was really excited to see something in my inbox 🥹 and thank you!! posting art is SCARY but everyone is being so nice… thank you so much for organizing the phasquerade!!!

i am incredibly sorry for the Length of what is to come now. my feelings aren’t easy to sum up + i doth yap

the main reason i started watching them is probably the dapg revival itself, since my friends started watching their new videos together in our server, and i got curious and asked to tag along. before then though i’d also heard of dnp from them, and as a long-time (12 years) tumblr user i have felt their influence without realizing they were the source? i now know where the whiskers and “protip” come from…

before starting to watch dnp myself i remember seeing my friends react to the phouse reveal (i remember i was like “huh wait at their age that might actually be gay”), basically i’m gay, why i quit youtube, and dan and phil tell the truth (i didn’t know what a girl in prague was and i WAS afraid to ask). those made me curious! but not curious enough to sit through the videos themselves. i felt really bad for dan from all that though! he really sounded like he suffered more than jesus from the contents of both BIG and WIQYT 😭 i remember feeling parasocially protective of him. this is all to say my impressions weren’t COMPLETELY fresh when i started watching and especially for dan i already had one

now back to late 2023! i’d made some really massive changes in my life, like actual leap of faith, the course of my life has been altered kinda massive, so youtube become a comfort space for me. enter these two nerds! the first impression i had of both of them together kind of related to where i was in life at the moment: the realization that you can just live with a fellow nerd who loves you and you don’t have to follow the path the adult world expects from you. seeing them act silly and embrace everything they love and be so carefree and happy to be themselves, sharing a domestic life that doesn’t follow what heteronormative society demands… i know this is all obvious to so many people, but i really needed it at the time.

they became a reminder that i could have this life, that i have something to look forward to and my life isn’t over or doomed to be what society wants it yo be. their chemistry is something very pure and very real and especially now that they’re both open about their sexualities you can really feel how connected they are and how much fun they have together. it just makes me so happy to see two people adore each other so much after all these years!! god!!!

as i’ve said before i knew about dan from his yearly videos in the hiatus era, but i knew almost nothing about phil! the first thing that stood out to me was his accent, since i am very bad at recognizing accents BUT i watch plumbella so i was like whoa is he northern!! and that was kind of an instant comfort factor.

phil is an underrated comfort video genius like seriously... i was facing the horrors of being stuck at home for christmas with a thousand thoughts on my mind and his silly videos were like a nice patch of sunshine. i absolutely agree with dan on phil’s kind energy; he is like those nice people who come talk to you and actually try to make you laugh and feel more at ease if they notice you’re feeling shy. he kept me a LOT of company and i genuinely owe him for that. i can also tell he’s incredibly smart and creative even though his videos now are more casual; he definitely does a lot behind the scenes and he’s an excellent storyteller. i’ve later come to learn that he has also repressed a lot of things for the sake of his audience and probably dan as well, he really has a good heart. also, he resonates a lot with the autistic experience, and regardless of the reason that does make me feel happy and seen

as for dan. well! once i actually started watching his videos firsthand, dan felt like looking at a mirror, which has Impacted Me psychologically. a lot. BUT let’s get the silly stuff out of the way first i immediately understood why my friend has a crush on him 😭😭😭 like i get it!!! i can never bully them for having a crush again because i fucking get it he’s hot he knows it he carries it well! fuck!

but more than that… he immediately made me reflect on myself. i can’t get into my impressions on dan from dapg without saying first that i have had a similar journey with depression and homophobia and repressing everything and he forced me to face that i still have a lot of work to do. i didn’t realize that just knowing i’m queer and acting on it doesn’t automatically mean that i accept myself being queer. that is something that only BIG and hearing dan talk about queerness and mental health made me realize. so right after the omg funny hot nun, i had to kind of reconsider my whole life for a bit… and i’m still in the process of doing that…

more than anything, i think what i’ve felt and keep feeling watching both his older and newer videos is “god i’m so glad he’s out” and “god i’m so glad he can make art”. i just feel so proud of him, so happy he can experience life as himself, so happy that he can laugh and joke about being gay so freely, so happy he can make the art he wants and feel accepted, and so happy that he can proudly smile at his audience now, after i first heard of him as someone who was isolated and scared. again, i projected on him a lot, and i knew about his struggles beforehand, so my impressions are mostly sentimental 😭

all in all they’ve helped me immensely and made my life so much better, both as themselves with their comment and through the community they created over the years. i’ve been a lurker for the past couple of months and what made me come forward and make my own blog is the way their kindness and acceptance extends to their audience and vice versa :)

hopefully that answers your questions and i hope this wasn’t too much oversharing!! i feel like my current place in life influences how i see them and relate to them, and they also influenced me a lot and that contributes to how i perceive them, and so on. putting all these thoughts into words in one place and realizing things about myself bit by bit was really interesting; hopefully the formatting won’t kill those who try to read it. i’m sorry. i wrote this in my notes app 🫡

#answered #dan and phil #phan #< has anyone seen phandometrics. where are they. still gonna help tho

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lowkeyrobin · 4 months

Text

TOMMYINNIT ; music taste

summary ; you try to get him into your rock/metal music taste on stream and it goes surprisingly well

warnings ; language

genre ; fluff

word count ; 556

guys I'm a fan of every band/artist mentioned don't come for me 😭🙏

masterlist ; my rock/metal/idk playlist

"I'm only doing this because I love you" Tommy groans and sighs, looking at his camera with a 'not angry, just disappointed look'

Chat responds with defenses of your music taste, being much different than many of your friends.

You lightly shove his shoulder and find your rock playlist on his Spotify account, and scroll all the way down to Waiting For The End by Linkin Park.

"This is more like, nu-metal / alt rock. Much lighter than other stuff, I'm easing you in, Big Man" You smile, leaning back in your chair as you share an earbud with the blonde.

Tommy lightly bops his head for the first 45 seconds, then intently listens as Chester performs his lines with the very comforting, slight strain in his voice in which he calls in desperation.

By the two minute mark, Tommy was pleased. And by the end, he gave it a 7/10, signaling he was a Linkin Park fan in the making. That recieved a loud round of applause from you, genuinely happy that he seemed to actually enjoy the art of Linkin Park, the industrial, hip-hop, alt-rock/nu-metal sound of one of your favorite bands.

Next was recommended and voted upon by chat, Cobra (Rock Remix) by Megan Thee Stallion featuring Spiritbox.

Tommy wasn't the biggest fan, but he still jammed out, mostly finding displeasure in Megan's lyrics because hearing about someone's genuine, rough moments made him sad more than anything. He did actually like the song, he just had to get used to hearing about venting and whatnot in music like a sheltered child. He happened to love Courtney's vocals, leading you to switch to Secret Garden so he can hear more.

Sadly, he didn't end up liking Seether or Saliva that much, but he seemed interested in New Years Day and Sleep Token.

He seemed to really like Alkaline, and you replayed it at least five times to he could learn the lyrics and sing along with you. Safe to say when the VOD came out, the editors were going to go crazy and people would end up making the clip a Spotify podcast episode to listen.

Safe to say, it went better than expected, and Tommy had to make a new playlist to share some heavier music with you.

"What was that other one? The one that said reminded you of Superman or Batman or something?" The blonde asks, typing away to make a playlist on his desktop.

"Blurry by Puddle Of Mudd" You smile, patting him on the shoulder, "Chat, this went well. Tommy's joined the cool kids cult"

Tommy places a kiss on your cheek with a little thank you for appreciation. "God dammit, I wanna play Alkaline again!" He groans, returning to clicking away on his keyboard and mouse, adding some songs.

"Got a new favorite song, Simons?" You smile smugly

"Yes! It's very good, thank you!"

He invites you as a collaborator over Discord and uploads a picture of you two for the playlist cover, and leaks it to stream, telling chat to go find it like hunting dogs.

By the end of the stream, you were yelling, and probably disturbing neighbors in the process, the lyrics to 1000 Oceans by Tokio Hotel, slowly closing the stream out with a little karaoke finale.

"Thank you, Y/n"

"Anytime, Tommy"

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt preferences #mcyt x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit oneshot #music recommendation #music recs #rock #metal

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wisefoxluminary · 11 months

Text

Black Noir x Reader

Synopsis | Black Noir encounters you by chance during patrol one day. The two of you converse as they learn they have so much in common. You then give Noir a surprising offer he can't refuse.

Warnings: Pure fluff, Black Noir being a sweetheart, talking about dead pets.

---

I never felt nothing in the world like this before

Now I'm missing you, and I'm wishing you would come back through my door

Ooh-ooh

Why did you have to go? (Go)

You could have let me know (know)

So now, I'm all alone (ooh-ooh)

- Wait for you by Elliot Yamin

---

It was a lonely afternoon and you were taking a like-minded stroll to calm your mind after a gruelling day. You had been working at home, filing out paperworks and listening to mad voices screech down the telephone like demons, demanding their rent to be paid. Your job put you under a lot of stress as incidents of collateral damage were increasingly high due to The Seven's heroic efforts. The one thing that could take her mind off things was the warm memory of being in Black Noir's company. It had been two weeks since you last saw him, his kind gesture of giving you breakfast in bed was still a timeless memory that played in your head like a movie you had loved all your life.

It was hard to keep track of Noir these days, he was either carrying out missions for Vought or attending civil meetings with his fellow supes. You couldn't stop thinking about him, the mere mention of his name making your heart swirl. He treated you with so much kindness and sincerity and made sure you were safe. He made whatever time he could to visit you and he would always bring you gifts to keep you content. The last time you saw him, he gave you a giant teddy bear carrying a red heart in its colossal cuddly arms. He showered you with notes of praise and words, even sending letters to you from time to time to keep tabs with you on how your day was going. You felt joy swell through your heart as you heard about his many adventures, his exploits in the superhero world and of course how much he missed you. They were always short and sweet, but they conveyed so much of his humanity. Every night, you would smuggle into the teddy bear and imagine you were holding Noir in a quiet embrace, the world going quiet around the two of you. You just wished you could see him again, so he could take away the emptiness inside of you.

You had known this park all too well, it was significant for hosting many Homelander pep rallies. You used to walk your dog around here, it was the very place where he lost his life to a stray bullet. His name was Felix and he was a small bichon frise, a ball of energy who used to bring you nothing but comfort when you were getting adjusted to city life. His death came as a crushing blow to you, as the first person who comforted you and showed sympathy for your loss was Black Noir, who had just apprehended the gunman with lethality. At that moment, all of the intimidation and stoicism he presented in battle was instead replaced by a genuine concern and overwhelming amount of guilt. He helped you bury Felix and hugged you tightly, trying so desperately to ease your pain. On that day, Noir vowed to keep you safe and watched over you as he didn't want someone like you to be lonesome. The grief was unnerving, you would always have dreams of that day, having to watch over and over as your precious Felix was taken from you. But the one thing that kept you going amid all of that heartache, was Black Noir's spirit. You always felt his presence watching over you and it brought you more security and tranquility. You would do anything to savour in his light again.

You walked further into the park's majestic canopy when you laid eyes on something you never expected, something your heart wasn't ready for. You don't know if your mind was playing tricks on you but Black Noir was standing right there, observing the beautiful nature around him. He looked alone, like a deer staring into headlights. You thought he may have been on a secret mission of some sort as he appeared as quiet and stoic as usual. Some citizens had noticed him, yelling his name like spectors at the super bowl. Your heart was telling you to approach him, to catch up with him after weeks apart. Maybe he was always destined to meet you here.

"Noir!" You yelled, running towards him with open arms as Noir stopped in his tracks, staring at you with a look that could only be described as adoration. You couldn't tell by his mask but he seemed like a lost puppy everytime his eyes yours. There may have been fans pestering him, but you were the only one Noir was willing to talk to. "Hey, it's good to see you. It's been weeks." You couldn't help but smile in his presence, overjoyed to see your masked suitor once again. Noir waved at you like a child at a baseball game, radiating nothing but warmth as you came by. He took his notepad and began to write.

It's good to see you too

"How are you, it feels like I haven't seen you for god knows how long." You said, happy to catch up with the masked supe. Black Noir chose to write his response rather than talk about it out loud. He wasn't the type to use words and you respected that.

Out with The Seven. Doing missions.

He flipped a page, beginning to scribble neatly. He was writing more messages.

How are you?

"I'm just taking each day in stride, you know" You said, assuring him that you were in a good place now. The two began to stroll around the park, admiring the warm sun and the beauty the park had to offer. You must of been talking too much, conversing about the rest of the day with him as he just admired your face longingly, glad to see it captured by the afternoon light.

"So do you like coming here?" You asked, your voice gentle and considerate. Noir bobbed his head to the question.

I come here to patrol, but I'm too busy to go to the park. I wish I could come here more.

"I guess being a superhero comes with its perks, right."

Noir nodded in agreement, the two of you walking in sync like a married couple. You could see the way he admired the park, of how he longed to be normal, to be happy. He never got to do any of these things because of his obligations to The Seven. Maybe one day with you could change that.

"Hey, there is a nice bench over there by the lake. Since you don't come here a lot, I thought I could give you a view to look at." You said as Noir's face lit up, wanting to take some time to rest.

"I would love that ♡" he wrote, a little heart drawing at the end of his words as he cared about you so much.

The two of you sat at the park bench, staring at the flowing river as the sun shone down on them. There were citizens taking a stroll, kids playing ball or walking their dogs. There was swans swimming in the lake, being fed breadcrumbs by a elderly couple, walking hand in hand. They reminded you so much of you and Noir, of how their bond could transcend into something more. You was falling more in love with the ninja hero and couldn't stop thinking about him. He was the remedy that would heal your empty heart.

Noir began to write on his notepad, passing on messages to you as a way of formal communication, his devotion to you souring in every action he does.

Are you doing okay?

You let out a cold breath of shuddering air before you spoke, the pain of losing Felix still haunting you. You would give anything to see her beloved dog again, anything.

I'm getting better. It's just hard with him not being here. Life without Felix....." You could feel a lump form in your throat, your tear ducts becoming wet. You watched as citizens walked their dogs and played fetch with them, a living reminder of what she'd lost. "It sucks..." Noir just sat there, hand to his heart as he didn't like to see you overcome with such sorrow. You may have sat a distance apart but your eyes still met, unable to look away from their barred souls.

I'm sorry about Felix. I wished I could have saved him.

"You keep apologising, but it isn't your fault. It was that son of a bitch who thought shooting a dog would bring him satisfaction. I know it didn't...but..." You could feel the anger seethe through you, trying your best not to sound bitter towards Noir. You had sat there, crying over Felix's dead body as he stabbed the gunman to death.

"You know that feeling you get when you feel empty and you try so hard to repair that hole inside you?"

Yes. All the time.

Noir's honesty came as a punch to the gut. You never would have known someone concealed by a mask would be so lonely inside. Noir has always hid himself from the world, no one knew what was thinking or if he had a heart. But here he was, being sincere to you about his struggles and the pain he endured through his long career.

"I just feel lonely all the time. Being with you....knowing that you are watching over me, I just know there's someone out there and that's you Noir..."

Noir looked at you for a moment, almost frozen in time as he was taken aback by your tender confession. He took his notepad and began to write a message.

I felt alone once. No one ever cared for me. I hid my face behind a mask I hated. But meeting you...you make me feel better about myself.

You were touched by his statement, hit with the realisation that you and Noir had so much in common. Butterflies entered your stomach at the thought of Noir being just like you, of having to deal with the very loneliness that turned your heart into a void. He understood you better than most. He would protect until the ends of the earth.

You don't know what feeling took over you that moment, but you pulled Noir into a hug, finding safety and comfort in his embrace.

"Thank you Noir!" You exclaimed happily.

Black Noir didn't expect such sincerity from you, stiff as a board as he wasn't sure how to show you comfort. He eventually fell into your touch, patting you in the back as a way of showing affection. He cared about with every fibre of being he had, even if he was the silent type. You could see that he was forever devoted away from you.

You eventually broke free from the hug, sitting beside each other and offering comfort. The slience between the two was palpable, carrying an unspoken connection as you were lost in your own thoughts. You wondered what your life would be like if Noir filled that hole inside you, of what a life being under his watchful eye would be like. Being parted from him those two weeks was difficult, you couldn't relive those days again. You wanted to be at his side from this moment forward.

"Noir, I've been thinking....would you like to move in with me. I need someone in my life and that person is you."

Noir was taken aback at first by that question, staring into your eyes with nothing but generosity and suprise. He nodded his head with a diligent yes and began to write on his notepad. You sat there curiously, wondering what he'd say. You hoped it was something meaningful.

Yes. I will do anything for you. I will stay with you until your loneliness goes away.

You smiled earnestly, filled with joy to see Noir accept your proposal. You could see the happiness radiating from him, the way he lit up when he gazed into your eyes, the childlike innocence he showed when you offered him a place to stay with her, you meant the world to him and he didn't want to leave you cast astray. A life with Noir was bound to be the one thing that would make your life even brighter...

#the boys #black noir #black noir x you #black noir x reader #black noir being a sweetheart #x reader #heart to heart #walking in the park

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waterfallofspace · 5 months

Text

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious???#idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~#using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself!#gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!!#just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~#thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

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kaepop-trash · 2 years

Text

Milanese Holiday

I guess the name gives away the partial inspiration for this fic. This is late but I finished it in time for Couture Week(what I really wished to centre this plot around). Yes, I'm aware that Jaehyun didn't go for Milan fashion week, just a ready-to-wear show, but this is fiction and I'm going for the idea that has the most potential. Also tweaked some general details of how fashion week works. If there are any readers here interested in fashion, just look the other way. This is just a fun little fic.

This is very fragmented and it's intentional. I'm trying something new so I'm sorry if it feels clumsy. I know I could have made him an idol instead of an actor, but I took a vow years ago to never write idol aus.

—

Summary: Inserting oneself back into society after a year’s absence was tough enough. Doing it when you despised everything about it made the challenge borderline herculean. With a past she wanted so desperately to erase, she perhaps had no intention of catching the eye of one of the many celebrities that littered the streets during fashion week. But things have a way of working out and sometimes the most unexpected bump-ins yield the most magnificent outcome.

Warnings: Smut, OC is rude, Jaehyun has a degradation kink if you squint so he likes it, Hints of loser Jaehyun, Fingering, Dirty talking, Hint of asphyxiation, Mentions of privilege, Name Dropping Luxury Brands.

WC: 7.3k

(Y/N) couldn't help her amusement as she walked up to the full breakfast table. "What?" She asked the girls who looked at each other with absolute bewilderment. "I thought you'd be happy to see me." She announced, taking off her sunglasses once a waiter arrived with an extra chair for her. She kept the air of indifference, the one she’d carefully prepared for this week. Her smile was relaxed and she painstakingly crafted a stance that was not defensive. It seemed to work, the most meddlesome of the girls looked at each other with confused looks.

"We are." Chaeyong, the worst of them, was quick to speak, "We just didn't expect you to be here." She looked to the others but none made the move to speak up for her.

"Yeah, but I missed New York last year, you know? If I didn't come to Milan I'd have nothing to wear for the rest of the season." She answered with ease, having come up with all her responses on the flight.

Yunjin, a new face in the crowd, was the first to lean in towards her once she sat down, "The more the merrier obviously." She spoke with glee, "We're going for Chanel after breakfast. You should come along!" She told her. "Jen will be there and she always gets first pick."

(Y/N) smiled at the table, "No thanks. Chanel hasn't been doing it for me these past few seasons."

"Since you have your own company now, you could use some of their pieces, don’t you think." One of Chaeyong's friends told her, "Jen claims the power suits really make a difference."

"Well, unlike Jen, I don't need to dress like a man to let employees my know who’s in charge." (Y/N) shrugged, failing to hide the quirk of her lips when the table went silent. "I'm here for Valentino tomorrow obviously, maybe Dior too right after if I haven't had too much fun at the parties tomorrow." She informed them of her plans, an afterthought making her turn to the younger girl from before. "You can come, if you like."

Yunjin looked understandably caught off-guard, turning to give the table a nervous look over. It was easy to tell that it was the girl's first time at fashion week. It made (Y/N) almost feel bad for how unprepared she was. If she was considering the feelings of any of the women on the table, she had far too much to learn. But her same naivety also made her the weakest link, (Y/N) needed to survive this week.

It was precisely because it was her first time that the girl predictably nodded, "I'd love that so much, (Y/N). Especially Dior." She said with giddy delight.

(Y/N) smiled at the genuine gratitude on the girl’s face. If it was fake then she was impressed by the convincing act. She looked the girl over once with expert eyes.

"You have the body for Dior." She hummed, coming to a decision. "I'll tell you what." She looked up with her own genuine smile, "If you will volunteer to keep me in check at tonight’s afterparty then we can do Dior too." This time she didn't look to the other girls before nodding.

With a satisfied smile, (Y/N) stood up from the table. "It was nice catching up. Have fun at the show, girls." She waved at them, walking away without eating anything.

After walking around to catch up on some of the places she hadn't seen in a while, (Y/N) finally gave into her stomach. Having skipped breakfast for the sake of making an exit left her famished and she found herself crawling into the first café she spotted.

To say she was in a bad mood was an understatement. When she had learned the ways of the world she inhabited, (Y/N) had learned that Paris was for haute couture while New York had the best ready-to-wear lines. Milan had never fit into her carefully planned equation, so when she decided to come this time she knew that she would not be in friendly company. But after a terrible year, showing her face in public was her own small rebellion. Milan just happened to be the first show of this season.

Her mood had not been helped at all when she saw Chaeyong first thing in the morning. The thought was enough to make her frown as she stood in line to place an order.

She had been busy checking her emails on her phone for a while, looking up only when she realised that the line had abruptly stopped. With earphones in to avoid having to listen to the loud chatter in the cafe, she didn't hear the commotion.

At first her eyes met the barista on the other side of the counter, the boy's entertained smile growing wider when she did. Then when he turned, she saw the source of his amusement.

The girl who was at the top of the line had turned around to speak to the man behind her. Speaking through a hand on her mouth, she looked to be in shock as she asked the man for a picture.

The barista mumbled to the girl, even gesturing her to hurry but she was too enthralled to pick up on the sign. First giving the boy a confused look before turning to the man who (Y/N) still couldn't see.

"He's telling you to order or move out of the line." (Y/N) used her rudimentary understanding of Italian and related languages to make an educated guess. "We all have places to be." She tried not to sound too harsh, pointing behind her at all the people waiting.

The girl didn't move, pursing her lips and taking another infuriating moment before she pointed her phone at herself to take the picture with the guy.

The man turned to (Y/N) and she met his gaze, seeing his apologetic look only seemed to cement her irritation. So she did what she always did when her acquaintances started conversations she did not like— she dipped her head back down to her focus on her phone.

After several moments, she heard shuffling and looked up to see the girl finally gone. Once the man shuffled away, (Y/N) let out a sigh that made the barista laugh. It caught the man's attention as he retreated.

Once she finished placing her order she turned to look for a place to sit only to see the man waiting for his own order at the side.

He smiled at her politely, "I'm sorry about the hold up." He told her, looking away with a sheepish grimace.

"I'm not in a hurry to be anywhere and you weren't the person holding up the line." She responded, rather unwilling to have this conversation.

"Yes but I still feel responsible." He added with a little more insistence in his volume when she didn't turn to him.

On her part she just hummed, using this time to at least scan for a seat. "Why? Are you controlling her mind?" She asked absentmindedly. The man scoffed under his breath but didn’t answer the question.

"There is no place to sit. I already checked." He said instead, voice clipped. "Fashion week can get busy I guess."

This time she turned to look at him, her gaze immediately doing a valiant job at scanning this man. She eyed each item he wore, lips quirking in amusement.

"Yes it can." She told him, "Prada, I assume?" She questioned without any need for an answer. Even the little hat he wore on his head had the familiar triangle logo, it was like he had just walked off the ready-to-wear runway.

The thought made her look him over once again, this time looking at the man instead of his clothes. He could have easily walked off the runway, she concluded.

Meeting his gaze again, the man made no show of being discomfitted by her repeated scrutiny. She was almost impressed, then he opened his mouth.

"I'm Jaehyun, by the way." He told her, reaching a hand out.

"That's great." She told him, her foot itching to tap to channel her impatience— a habit even the most prestigious finishing school couldn't completely berate out of her. "If you don't mind, Mr. Jaehyun–" She said with a clumsy pause in between when she couldn’t decide what to call him.

"Just Jaehyun is fine." He interuppted with a leisurely smile.

She wasn't used to people just giving their first names. In her world, it was your family name that carried weight. The thought was enough to sour her already curdled mood a little further. But it almost made her put two and two together. The man must have been some kind of celebrity, those were the people who didn’t need their last name. He had the face for it for sure.

Her saving grace came in the form of her spotting a cup being placed on the counter.

"I think your order is done." She pointed, "And so is mine." She smiled when she saw the brioche she ordered arrive. Her stomach growled as if to remind her of why she needed to end this conversation.

So close to throwing all ounces of etiquette into the wind, she turned away from the man completely to reach for the steaming pastry wrapped in a piece of newspaper.

"It was nice meeting you," She said to be cordial, "Enjoy your first fashion week." She gave him a quick smile, turning with her coffee and bread to go enjoy it somewhere with a view.

"How do you know it's my first time?" He asked and this time she had to scoff audibly.

"Call it a hunch." She shrugged, unconsciously looking up to his hat one last time before making her way towards the exit with her smile still lingering.

(Y/N) had managed to spend all afternoon walking around the city. Milan, to her, was a fascinating place because it still held the quaint charm of a medium European town while also having a cosmopolitan flair. Fashion week meant the streets buzzed with tourists and locals alike. Like any city during fashion week, there was a tantalizing electricity in the air that never failed to enliven her. It was probably the same energy that kept her going all morning till the building heat of the afternoon forced her into Milan's famed shopping arcade.

As she left one of the many stores, she bumped into Yunjin after her Chanel show. When the girl asked (Y/N) if she wanted company shopping she accepted, happy to have some company on this dreadfully lonely trip. After shopping at a few stores, Yunjin suggested they go into the Prada store.

(Y/N) lingered on the ground floor while Yunjin went to look for clothes. While scanning the various sunglasses and other accessories, her gaze fell on a familiar hat. Mostly giving into curiosity, she walked towards the display. Eyeing all the variations of the same style, she concluded that the orange striped one was the least offensive out of them all. But her fingers inched towards the black one she'd already been acquainted with.

With an amused smile, she lifted the object of the wooden peg it hung on, turning to the nearest mirror and putting it on her head. That one particular hat seemed to be too large, falling over her eyes so she had to tilt her head back just to get a look.

"Ridiculous." She grinned at her reflection, finding humour in how out of place the accessory looked on her. Trying to adjust the angle did nothing and she had to laugh.

Being as silent as stores like this tended to be, (Y/N) jerked at the sound of a particularly loud gasp. When she turned to the source, who she saw instead made her fingers slip from the top of the hat so it came back down against her brows.

It was the man from the cafe earlier. She was sure because he was in the same outfit as before, including the ridiculous hat that was on his head— both their heads in this instance. A person walked up to him, once again asking for a picture. He smiled and nodded, saying something cordial. Briefly his gaze wandered only to look at her, eyes drawing up to her head as his lips split into a grin.

That was all she needed to nosedive towards the entrance, walking rapidly as her face seemed to be getting warmer and warmer.

"Miss!" An urgent voice made her stop, looking up to see the doorman give her a nervous look. She gave the man a questioning look and he turned to look at the top of her head.

"The hat, Miss." He pointed a gloved hand, looking deeply uncomfortable.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Her face coloured a deeper shade of embarrassment, reaching up to take the thing off and hand it to the man. She was going to leave but another thought made her pause. "Could you please let the friend I came in with know that I left for the hotel? I'm not feeling too well." She told him and to her great relief he seemed to nod, not thinking of her to be a thief.

As she walked back to the hotel, she vowed that this would be her last fashion week in this city.

(Y/N) had walked into the after party the next evening after two good shows. Of course she saw things she liked for the coming season. But what was more important was that she achieved what she came here to do.

People saw her and they talked. Most, if not all, were probably speculative or unkind things that she was glad to not be in the earshot of. Irrespective, they knew that she wasn't hiding because she had nothing to be ashamed of.

Something she'd hopefully come to believe one of these days.

It was exhausting to have to put herself out there like this. Especially when these were the same people she felt the need to slink away from more than a year ago.

She had never liked this world. For all the perks of being wealthy, most other wealthy people had an innate need to be unpleasant. And after the year she had, she knew that they held no love for her either. Moments like this made her wish she could stay off the grid forever. But that wasn't one of the luxuries she could afford.

A tap on her shoulder distracted her from her thoughts. Before she could even turn around completely, she was embraced in a bone-crushing hug.

"You were the last person I expected to see here." Tiffany said with unprecedented glee in her voice. Pulling back she held (Y/N) at arm's length to look her over.

"Why is everyone acting like me, being in Italy is a crime?" She asked, too happy to see her childhood friend to have any real bite in her words.

Tiffany gave her a perplexed look before pursing her lips, "I don't really care about what your friends think." She stated, as straightforward as she had always been.

"They aren't my friends." (Y/N) added, practically snapping in defense at the word.

"But," She continued without care, "I just didn't think you'd be here after what happened." She winced, tiptoeing around the topic.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, "People get cheated on all the time. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, but it can't be easy. Not when you had to find out through tabloids." She patted her arm. Tiffany was partially right, but not why she thought.

It wasn't easy to find out she was being cheated on so publically, it was the closest she'd ever come to killing a person in cold blood. It wasn't because she had ever really cared for Sehun, nonetheless loved him.

They were a couple of convenience. Sehun needed to prove to his grandfather that he was ready to be a man and take on responsibility for some aspects of their business. And (Y/N) needed to be accepted into the generational wealth circles so her family finally "made it".

When Sehun so publicly cheated on her, what he did was worse than breaking her heart. He tarnished her carefully curated reputation in minutes. And she could do nothing but fall off the face of the earth to recover.

"Anyway. I'm sorry for bringing this up. How have you been?" Tiffany cut through her thoughts.

"Same old. I'm slowly working on taking over the business, keeping busy. How are you? Still working at Max Mara?"

"Prada, for now. They wanted to reimagine their outerwear collection so I was offered the big bucks." She said with the pride of a self-made woman.

"So you're the reason they have so much leather in their collection this time." (Y/N) hummed, recalling the brief glance she caught at the store yesterday. The memory made her shift and adjust her posture, still a little mortified.

"Among other things. I assume you had a busy day today." Tiffany smiled, well acquainted with her adamant preferences. "Leaving tomorrow?"

"No, I'm not going home yet. I'm going to Sestri Levante from here, I could use the vacation."

"You do need the vacation." Tiffany agreed, "You have a resting scowl face now." She snorted when (Y/N) shoved at her lightly for the slight.

"That's how I get shit done at work. Nothing works better than a solid look of disapproval." She grinned when Tiffany laughed.

"I feel like you've been talking to my boss. Speaking of," She raised herself on her tiptoes to scan the room. "I need to go find him, he asked me to get him sparkling water half an hour ago. He says he feels left out when the people around him have glasses in their hands." She grimaced, dropping back to her height.

(Y/N) found the idea novel, "Sparkling water?" She looked around the room and laughed. "Your going to make the bartender do a double turn. Your boss doesn't drink?" She asked mostly because of how ludicrous the idea was to her.

Tiffany raised a brow, tapping her index finger against her nose with a knowing look.

"Oh, right. Of course." (Y/N) scoffed, "Well in that case don't keep the man waiting."

(Y/N) bumped into a few other people as she walked around the room, all of them people she only knew in passing. She tried to look for Tiffany a few times but the dim lights and crowd made it an impossible challenge.

She was almost relieved when she bumped into Yunjin, and to her credit the girl looked happy to see her. She was one of the better ones, (Y/N) had concluded after the past two days. She offered to introduce her to some of her friends who were around.

While grateful, (Y/N) quickly felt her age among the young people. While listening to their excited chatter and party plans after the week was over, (Y/N) thought she saw a familiar face in the crowd.

The second time she had the opening to look away from the circle, she was sure it was the actor from yesterday. He was at the party and talking to the PR director of Zegna. The director who looked pleased to be speaking to him.

(Y/N) knew her gaze was beginning to overstay its welcome, but it was hard to look away from him. It was like she was seeing the man with a renewed clarity when she observed him from the safety of a distance. The way his hair was styled, with a deliberate strand loose from his pushed back locks, and the lopsided grin that showed off his dimples, were all things she was suddenly taking a moment to appreciate. She blamed the champagne bubbling in her stomach.

The nail on her index finger tapped against her glass, eyes still in no hurry to look away. Then he turned to look and suddenly her gaze did find a semblance of shame, snapping back to the conversation to feign interest.

She ignored the burn that flushed down her neck to her chest upon being caught, blaming it on the champagne as well. The flimsy excuse did not ease her very real embarrassment though. She had to excuse herself to get a well-earned drink of water.

While gulping down the water with her elbow still leaned against the bar, the sound of approaching footsteps didn't escape her notice. Once her bottle was empty, she lowered her head, having nowhere to hide.

"I never caught your name." The actor asked with an affable smile.

"I never gave it to you." She spoke, one foot pointed to an escape already.

"I'm Jaehyun." He said with a grin that made her stop to really see his face. It was tragic. He was even more attractive when his attention was on her.

"You mentioned that the other day." She responded.

"I wasn't sure you'd remember."

"I didn't." She smiled, almost indulging in the way his smile faltered momentarily.

Jaehyun took a step closer, the proximity intimate enough for her to get a whiff of his perfume, like linen and ripe lemons. "I think your friend there is looking at you." He pointed his gaze behind her.

She took the opportunity to turn away from him, seeing Yunjin looking towards them. (Y/N) smiled, "I'll wager that she's actually looking at you." She stated, tilting her head to observe him from the corner of his gaze.

Irrespective of who she was looking at, the act reminded (Y/N) that she could not be seen with this man. She could already hear the whispers that would go around. How people would assume that her fraternising with some celebrity was revenge for her ex doing the same a year ago. (Y/N) had cultivated a thick skin over the years, but being called a hypocrite was something she could not bear.

"I should go see in case she wants something." She explained, telling herself that leaving unannounced would have been the better choice.

She stepped away quickly, breath catching in her throat when his hand grabbed her wrist.

"Wait–" He said urgently. She turned around, brows furrowed in a way that made her look irate. "Sorry." He dropped her hand immediately like it burned him. "I just wanted to know your name." He fumbled over his words, looking away from her gaze to the floor.

She had met celebrities of all ranges of importance before. But never one that was hesitant, not in the genuine way that the one in front of her seemed to be.

"(Y/N)." She caved, too distracted by the flush in his cheeks to realise that she probably shouldn't have. To avoid mulling over it, she made a swift escape. Only at a distance did she exhale.

Despite the curiosity in Yunjin's eyes, she didn't ask (Y/N) anything about Jaehyun. A part of her wanted her to, just so she could squash any rumours at their roots. The other part, the one reaching for another glass of champagne, wanted to hold off. Just in case.

She had managed to engage Yunjin in a conversation about the skiing trip with her family that she had lined up right after this week. In between the conversation, one of the boys Yunjin had introduced earlier came up to join in. His first few interruptions of the girl's excited narration of her plans could be brushed off as wanting to be included. The seventh time he interrupted Yunjin, (Y/N) felt her patience frizzle away.

"Do you part-time as a ski instructor?" She asked, her frown in full display. The boy smirked in a way that only furthered her irritation.

"I've just been skiing on those slopes every summer since I was born. It's just some friendly advice." He shrugged.

"What a sight that must have been. An infant on ski blades just cruising down." (Y/N) shrugged back, using the same tone he did when speaking to her. Yunjin snorted, bringing her glass up to drink in an effort to distract from it.

The boy frowned, "No, that wasn't what I meant." He huffed under his breath, his pedigree fighting hard to maintain his facade.

"Yunjin has been skiing since she was a toddler, weren't you?" She looked away from the guy before he could clarify himself further. "You can do it with your eyes closed, if I recall correctly." She pointed her glass at her.

Yunjin didn't say anything, but her smile was a grateful one for the compliment.

"All I meant to say was–" He tried to add. (Y/N) put all of her acquired pedigree into not rolling her eyes, instead compromising by just making an excuse to free both of them from any further of the boy's words.

Her social sabbatical had made her forget how despicable some of these people could be. Coming back to this world felt less like riding a bike and more like being strapped to the hood of a car going at maximum speed.

The whiplash made her take a step aside, weaving through the crowds to find a moment to take a much needed breath. She tried looking for Tiffany to have an excuse to go to the after-afterparties the staff usually had. They were much more fun and with more strangers who didn't know her. But after a quick round she surmised that her friend had probably already left.

Considering it to be a sign from the heavens, (Y/N) thought it was a good time for her to go back to the hotel. Her feet ached in her new heels and she decided to stick to the very periphery of the room to make her walk across to the entrance as quickly as possible.

While crossing a line of low sofas, she noticed Jung Jaehyun again.

"No more autographs to sign?" She spoke before she could really think about it. The words were probably sounded ruder than she wanted them to be, and she wondered why she desired his attention at all. Especially because she was ready to finally finish this awful trip.

Jaehyun looked up and even in the dim lights, she could see the flush on his cheeks and the daze in his eyes.

He gave her a tipsy smile, "I've clocked out for the day. Thankfully, everybody here is too famous or affluent to really ask." He didn't sound at all sarcastic, truly grateful in fact.

"You're the first celebrity I've met who doesn't like attention." She scoffed.

"Of course I like attention." He gave her a deeply earnest look, something she had no experience to be prepared for. "I'm an actor. We all love attention, otherwise we wouldn't put ourselves out there for an applause. I just don't need other people to tell me my worth."

When he finally looked away, she felt herself let out her bated breath. His words were just so honest, without motive or pretense. It left her feeling out of depth and made her oncoming words downright stupid.

"So you're still in the 'firsts' category celebrities for me." She scoffed, trying to mask how deeply uncomfortable she felt by making a joke at his expense.

"I'm honoured." The words were clipped, "But I'm not a celebrity. I'm just an actor. At least I hope so." He looked to his shoes— Prada, like the rest of his outfit.

"Do they make you dress like a display mannequin or is that a choice?" She asked, "Don't mind me asking."

Jaehyun grinned and the gesture filled her with culpable relief. Whatever moment she'd caught him in seemed to be passing.

"It's an implied condition mostly. They need to show off their collection." He tugged at the turtleneck collar, the thing in no way comfortable in the middle of a continent wide heatwave.

"So a mannequin." She crossed her arms, turning to face him but still keeping her distance out of decency. And because seeing him from a distance was the easiest way to appreciate his features.

"Yes, I guess that's what it is." He nodded, a small laugh of surrender leaving his lips.

"It's a nice sweater." She added. Her hand raised, stopping when she realised it was to run her fingers over the material, a conditioned habit when she looked at clothes. Jaehyun caught the way she closed her fist, retreating her hands back to her side.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, looking up with steely resolve.

The way he looked at her made her throat go dry. Or maybe it was the champagne. She wasn't sure, but it wasn't like it mattered. Whether she needed to get away from him or needed a glass of water, she knew she had to walk away.

"Going to Sestri Levante." She gave him a clipped smile, "It's a small town outsi–"

"I know what it is, (Y/N)." He interjected, standing up.

She should have wondered if she'd offended the man. Instead she replayed the way her name sounded on his tongue.

"Right." She nodded, looking away from his intense gaze, her voice losing any bite in the face of confrontation. "I'm well overdue on a vacation."

He didn't speak and though the silence barely stretched, she looked up to him. He flexed his jaw when she did, clearly a little offended. "I hope you have fun."

"I'll try my best."

"What are you doing now?" He asked next, a loaded question with layers of possibilities. Maybe it was the champagne, or the way he looked at her, but she decided to pick the possibility that was perhaps the most risky.

"Why don't you tell me?"

(Y/N) bit down on her bottom lip when he pressed her back against the marble wall, the low back of her dress only making the cold stone feel worse. He pressed himself closer to her next.

The cloakroom, as she had expected, was unmanned and empty in peak summer. It was decidedly the perfect place to take in the way Jaehyun currently looked at her.

Close up, he was somehow more gorgeous than she previously allowed herself to believe. The pursed smile on his lips kept the ghost of his dimples embedded in his cheeks, his eyes dreamy yet still vigilant as they observed her right back.

"I thought the hat from the afternoon was a bad personal decision." She tried to curb her smile, looking up at the smug grin that was forming on his lips, "But now I know that the mistake actually happened whenever you decide this haircut was right for you." She dared to card her fingers into his hair, holding the strands in between with a playful smile on her lips.

He said nothing in response at first, hand coming up to place over hers. His thumb brushed over her knuckles gently before he wrapped his fingers over her entire hand.

"So honest, (Y/N). Tell me, are you the shy kind or are you just waiting for me to do something?" His words snapped her out of her thoughts. When she looked to him, he wasn't looking at her eyes but mirroring her gaze instead. Her gaze that was, she only just realised, focused on her lips.

"Do what?" She couldn't help the way her lips twitched, biting down on the inside of her cheek when he looked up with a raise of his brow that dared her to laugh.

"You haven't shied away from most of the things you say with so much disregard. So I assume you're telling yourself that it'll be easier for you to rationalise this later if you don't say it."

This time (Y/N) wasn't smiling, a little too caught off-guard by the surgical accuracy of his assessment.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I thought you were interested in knowing more about Sestri Levante." She bit back a smile, "It's a quiet and quaint town."

Jaehyun smiled and this time she let herself admit without condition that he was an irresistibly attractive man.

"Sounds like a boring place for a city girl like you." He mused, "But I'm sure you will have company to entertain you."

(Y/N)'s head rested against the wall when Jaehyun began to trace his fingers up her thigh. Each inch higher made her breath hitch higher too, the reaction no doubt being the thing that made him grin with so much pleasure.

"I'm the best company I can have." She answered, "No need to pretend to be anything else when I'm not around her." Her words, despite being honest, were out of focus.

"That's something you and I have in common, then." His lips brushed over her cheeks.

(Y/N) thought she felt the room spinning as Jaehyun lifted her onto the table beside them. She gasped at the sudden action, a giggle leaving her the next moment from her shock.

"Is that why you were trying it on at the store?" He raised a brow. The words were unexpected and he seemed to catch her confusion. "The bucket hat. I saw you try it on. Just wondering if you're looking to make a bad personal decision, too." His fingers slid up her knees.

"I was being adventurous." She huffed, already being too breathless to be proper. "Something you should hurry up with. I'm a very impatient woman." She looked at him through dropping lids.

"I've heard that most rich girls like you are." He scoffed. She wanted to respond immediately but she was distracted by his fingers. Her fingers squeezed his shoulder as he began to pull her dress higher.

"Rich girls like me usually don't have to cajole men, you see. So we can say what we really want to." She lied, not really focused on her own words. Not when she felt his nails brush against the thin lace of her panties.

That was enough to shut her up, no longer interested in keeping up any charade or invisible dance. His fingers teased her with practised proficiency, something that became easy to give into. Slowly her mind sank into a thick feeling like she'd been dipped into honey. With each stroke her jaw only fell lower, lips parting further.

She became so enraptured that when he slowed down, an involuntary whine of protest left her. It made her eyes shoot open, meeting Jaehyun's wide-eyed shock that turned into smug victory shortly after.

"Are you usually this quiet when someone is finger banging you or are you that afraid of being seen with me?" He asked, pressing his thumb against her clit like he was on a path of vengeance. "Just imagine the headlines, (Y/N)." A particularly devious curl of his fingers made her groan, head falling back as her teeth clenched down tighter on her lips. "Spoiled little heiress spotted with some actor."

The words made her spine flinch in indignation, eyes forcing open to look at him. With a searing glare, she dragged her thumb down from his shoulder, pressing the pad down on the hollow of his throat till he choked on his own breath.

"I'm a lot of things," She gasped as he slowly pulled his fingers out of her, "But I'm not spoiled." She spoke through gritted teeth, letting out her breath when he was out till his nails, the blunt tips scratching right at her entrance. "My parents had nothing till I was twelve. Something my peers won't ever let me forget. So I'm not going to sit here and listen to some pretty face no-name actor tell me about privilege. Not while he's getting his Prada sleeves soaked with my cunt." She looked down, eyeing the dark patch on the material that had been rubbing against her all this time.

When she looked up, he was watching her with a furrow in her brows. A part of her was suddenly nervous that he'd stop and despite all the efforts she made to remind herself that she needed to walk out with her dignity, that part seemed to be getting louder.

"I want to fuck you so bad." He groaned, his cheeks turning pink from his own admission. Her chest erupted into a fit, not prepared for the dichotomy between his audacious confession and his shy blush.

Before she could look away, he slammed her fingers right back into her. The unexpected jolt made a wretched moan reverberate off her tongue. She leaned over to bite down on his shoulder, resorting to clench harder and harder as she felt her orgasm building with each stroke against her walls.

"I want to fuck you till you're screaming." He groaned into her ear, the tell tale strain of pain in his voice from her bite. "Till you've worn your vocal chords into the shape of my name. So you always remember it." He seemed to be spurring himself on, doing far worse to her. The groan of his words against the shell of her ear was enough to send her reeling into an unexpected orgasm. She tasted the salty tang of what she could only assume was his sweat, keeping her grip as her tongue formed a silent call of exactly what he wanted.

But she held onto the word harder than her teeth did his flesh, and soon enough she was put out of her agony. The high wore off and her jaw went slack, an immensely satisfying wince coming from him.

"That's too bad," She spoke between laboured gasps, "Because it's time for me to leave." Her fingers circled his wrist, pulling him out herself. She let the whimper fall from his lips as a consolation prize. "I have somewhere I need to be." She added, quickly regretting it. But she didn't need to explain herself to him, so he didn’t clarify that her pressing commitment was to her bed.

Jaehyun just looked at her with the same furrowed brows from before, ones that she almost mistook for anger. Then he nodded, taking a step back to retreat from between her thighs, letting her close her legs.

The quick retreat made her jaw clench but she let that ridiculous reaction pass with the excuse of her ego.

"Another party?" He tried to be coy with the veiled inquiry. She didn't answer him, instead jumping off her perch and pulling her dress back down.

"Enjoy your week." She spoke to the floor, not looking at him once she felt put together again. "This was fun." She felt the need to add, catching a glimpse of his shoulders slumping. She walked away before she gave into any other compulsion, making a streamlined exit right before the party got wild.

(Y/N) hadn't slept properly all night. At one point she left a hasty text to Tiffany between tossing and turning and promptly fell asleep at the crack of dawn.

Her deafening ringtone dragged her out of her pleasant dreams. Reaching for her phone, she first noted that it was noon, and then that Tiffany was calling her.

"Of course I can get you a seat at the show!" Her friend's chirpy voice after undoubtedly her third coffee of the morning, made (Y/N) wince.

Her elbows wobbled from holding her weight up and she rolled over. "What are you talking about?" She questioned, eyes still squinted and adjusting to the midday sun coming through the window.

Tiffany laughed like she'd just heard an incredible joke. "Oh come on, there's no need to be shy, I got your text last night. You know I've got your back. You can come for the show today. If I can't squeeze you in, you can be backstage with me."

While Tiffany spoke, (Y/N) switched to speaker so she could dig through her phone. Eventually she found the message in question, a simple and short 'I want to come for Prada show.', sounding almost like a childish tantrum. She groaned, trying to recall what her thought process had been when she sent that text.

"If you're backstage, I can introduce you to some models." Tiffany spoke with a suggestive sing-song, the implication making (Y/N) scoff.

"What time should I be there?" She sighed, putting her arm over her eyes.

She walked into the venue feeling a little uneasy. The moment she spotted Jaehyun, her first instinct was to apologise. But it felt so silly to do so that the words never formed on her tongue. Instead she watched him conduct a gallant performance. He posed for photographs with some of the other front row attendees, answered questions and in general looked very much pleased and amiable.

It made her think of one of the offhanded comments he made last evening. It explained how he never seemed to take anything she said to him to heart, instead taking it in stride.

Not letting other people define your worth seemed to be the best advice she'd gotten in a while, intentional or not.

Once she saw the sliver of an opening, right after the show ended, (Y/N) found her feet leading to him. The hasty decision to come to the event hours before her departure was to see him after all.

"Do I need to stand in line and take a picture?" She questioned. Jaehyun turned to her, truly looking like she was the last person he expected to see. She understood the shock, this was the last place she expected to be. But as his shock dissipated into a warm smile, she reminded herself that it was expected decisions that had yielded the worst outcomes for her. It was time for a change.

"If you want. I also give autographs." He grinned, taking a small step closer to her.

"I don't have paper. Want to sign my tit with lipstick like a rockstar?" Her brows lifted, teasing him with the proposition.

Jaehyun laughed, a deep sound with a lovely melody. "Only if you buy me dinner first."

"I can do that. How about tonight? There's a restaurant right on the beach that makes gnocchi that melts in your mouth."

"Beach?" His brows dipped in mild confusion, smile still unfaltering.

"Sestri Levante is a beach town, I thought you knew."

"I do."

Her heart hammered a little from the sheer embarrassment of forming her next words, "Come with me." Her lips parted to take in a bated breath, light headed from her massive leap of faith. "You can refuse, but you'll be missing the best gnocchi you'll ever have." She tried, the joke failing to ease either of their state— his brows remained furrowed and her heart continued to sprint. "Or if you have prior commitments of course. Not everyone can just up and leave their jobs, I know." She began to ramble, she noted. A nervous habit that still reared its head once in a while despite all her efforts to quell it.

"I couldn't imagine living with that regret." He spoke after several excruciating moments, "You've managed to make a solid case." His entire face turned pink, an almost endearing sight after the past few days.

"It's something I'm known to do." She shrugged.

"Tonight?" He asked, she nodded with a tug to her bottom lip. He grinned, "(Y/N)?" He questioned, lips lifting higher when she swallowed nervously and hummed. "What are you doing till then?"

"Starting our vacation, I hope." Her eyes glint with mischief, mirroring his grin. "My room has a tub with a view."

Jaehyun's brows lifted for a moment, cheeks turning deep red this time from her bold proposition.

Cute cute cute cute cute. So cute.

The passing concern in his gaze brought her attention back to the present. He put on a smile but this time it didn't reach his eyes.

"Why don't you go on now, I'll catch up with you later. There are cameras everywhere." He spoke with a faltering smile and a sense of duty.

"I don't care, Jaehyun. Come with me now." She sounded sure of her words.

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