#using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself!

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[trashbins-stuff]

Hello. I have seen that you have been tagged by @neobixiscool on one of their posts. I am planning to make a rant post on them. If you can provide some background info and your side of the story, that would be great. If you feel uncomfortable discussing this, that's ok. Have a good day/evening.

rub hands together like flies. my time has come/silly 😋😋

and thank you for coming to me :3 i appreciate it/gen also i get to go all cabby on this hehe

oh and, im not really hurt-hurted by them, i feel like mocha (mochablogger), liam (moonmxple) and mac (blairdrawzstuff) are most affected. They did have a book with my character in it but in a different universe or something (without my consent nor credit btw). Anyway under the cut is my observant. Honestly i think i might have jsut make the rant post for you lmao hrgbnhe 😭😭

the background/before:

mocha was working on a little story and xe said we could be in it! so obviously me and my friends signed up for the fun, not really expecting anything, the story was called "The Traumatized Cup", thats when we first meet him.

In one of the chapter mocha had introduced rubix, at first i didnt really think much about him, i was just aware of his presence, i do notice him and mocha started to become friends and i thought that was great :)

something that you should probably contact cuppy for more info:

so rubix (or according to rubix, "jasp" was roleplaying) and mocha were friends on facebook, and they roleplayed there i think, this i just know but apparently he said crap about liam (mocha's platonic partner and my best friend). Mocha is very sensitive and even in roleplay xe's still uncomfortable with what rubix said

"bezel's" divorce headcanon (and possible influence on further problems):

i heard people talked about it but never knew where it came from, but thne i found out and,,

tdlr; 1st one is about mocha and rubix, i dont know if mocha consent to it. 2nd one is uh a bit weird i i guess like he could have ask facemoji to make another one ;-;. 3rd ah yes the divorce that i had heard about!/vneg

rubix said bezel forced him into making the 1st one, even if thats true, rubix said the divorce was bezel's headcanon but hes the one that decided to post the 3rd one ("okay i asked facemoji again..")

seem kinda sus not gonna lie..but what do i nose right :-)

bezel probably influence more but even after all these months im still not sure if he really did do those things, idk lul, it is pretty weird that bezel's blog was a sideblog though (liam told me)

heres a bunch of words with link attach, those r my opinions lmao:

these u can just click to read so i hope thats okay

on wattpad he have a book in which he painted mocha, hazel and blair as manipulative (admittedly his writing was good, he could have used it for something different though)

he also uses some of our characters (such as mocha cuppy, hazel, blair, harp, blueberry, winter, bin (mine btw), seedling, galaxy journal,...etc) he did the delete that book tho, anyway heres more screenshot proof (credit @moonmxple )

mocha asked liam and neobix said its cringe

i remember this one also

the one where he tried to ban pet name and online dating (in 2023) (check the comment and other reblogs also theres alot, its practically a goldmine/silly)

and can i say he barely knows our friend group? like sure he knows mocha but hes trying to fit into our group (very poorly)

please read what cass wrote in the comment (thanks cass for speaking out about it ily)

the ask i sent him

NOT to get all bitchy here but mocha blocked you therefore you literally dont appear anywhere on xer dash, you're out of xer life and xe had no reason to pester you, not everything has to be about mocha. You guy's relationship (or supposedly lack there of) had change but honestly? thats okay they dont have to like the same people that they liked yesterday. You might think you know that's them but it wasnt, mocha in real life is kinder and better than the version inside of your head and they're happier now and its so sad that you cant see (because you're blocked)

and again, not everything has to be about YOU

he also made it all about HIM like excuse me ???? can i not complain for little bit without you coming in and nag about your problem ??? if you're suffering go talk to someone dont talk to online strangers ??? :)))???????

bro cant even read a long paragraph post like go back to elementary school lmao, also reporting ppl just because they use their right to not forgive you is such a sore loser move, it make you sound like petty six year old (also max be spitting facts tho)

bro brought out HIS right (reporting mocha, which he actually cant do if he doesnt have a valid reason) while ignore MOCHA's right (not forgiving him, which isnt a valid reason for him to report xem). The definition of petty is literally complain way too much about unimportant things that could have and should have ended already

"you dont have to relate to everything you see on the internet, somethings are simply not about you" :)

did you know that to report someone you have to click alot of buttons??

common salad W &lt;3333

oh yeah, this doesnt have links but jasp/neobix is being so casual abt bezel's death but also uses it as a way to make people feel bad for getting upset with what he did

Sorry for playing the dickhead role, but you wouldn't be laughing if you knew how we felt about every single one of you. (why it sound serious all the sudden lol)

why i still doubt (uh and heads up, galaxy brush, kodu, cuppy,..others who think @/rubixisanidi0t was saying the truth, im not saying he isnt but you cant blame me for not trusting can you? please skip this part if you're sensitive):

naw so if this was suppose to be jasp then whats jasp motive lmao :/..he dont gain anything from this + who tell people their secret plan publicly?? + how did jasp know about rubixs hallucination?? rubix please dont tell such personal things to jsut your friends and please just talk to an adult in real life. And jasp, dont let these kind of things on the internet its not safe/srs

this is just straight up weird and also why did neobix/jasp said "old friend" like hes rubix?? when he supposedly told rubix and i quote "yeah.. Soo.... This person named @/mochablogger seemed like some cool person, and when I tried to talk with them... Nothing happened, so when I figured they didn't care... It all happened at once." neobix/jasp and mocha werent even friend to begin with why was he SO obssess over getting mochas forgiveness when they supposedly barely interact much??

aint it a bit weird how this is supposedly jasp/neobix but why would they make this video??? it???doesnt make any sense?? and like were rubix and jasp still good friend??? why wood bezel make jasp of all people do it??? unless yk

HOL UP, WAIT A MINUTE..if rose jelly dated rubix but rubix tunred out to be jasp then..WHO IS ROSE JELLY ACTUALLY DATING??????

if @/neobixiscool is suppose to be jasp then how did he get a screenshot for a show rubix was making???

i translated it and head up. it has death threat in it

you know, if someone stole my account and ruin my reputation i wouldnt be following them and be mutuals with them :)

i appreciate him saying hell save us but like..why would @/neobixiscool linked the real rubix's yt and discord knowing full well that the real rubix was there and could told joiners the truth??? that seem kinda dumb ngl also on the channel you can find a video called "waitng for forgiveness" which @/neobixiscool had talked about. and lets do a bit of timing here, if rubix really was telling the truth and havent been on social media since his alst post on @/rubixcuix (last posted in august) and the divorce arc and the roleplay thing and EVERYTHING had started in september, and if the yt belonged to rubix, then he shouldnt have known that mocha didnt forgive him and make that video????? bc he wasnt suppose to be there since august??? bc if anything he shouldnt be waiting for forgiveness bc if jasp really did steal his tumblr account then its not his fault?? like i find it absoltuely HILARIOUS that the evidence agaisnt what rubix said was on both the account @/neobixiscool AND @/rubixisanidi0t's PINNED post?? and it boggles my mind how no one talks abt this???/lh/nm i mean its quite obvious maybe im jsut really observant though idk

if you got your account stolen and jasp supposedly brought back a wattpad book, i dont think you should be continuing it?? and didnt you said your reported him on wattpad?? on the same account where the book is?? why are you acting like "yes i did promise them this and im fully aware of what happen even though i supposedly havent been here since august and i will continue this book" has it hit you?

uh yeah so these are just my silly little takes, but hey! what do i nose? :-)

#drama #my take on the drama is very fun hehe :) i had fun writing this #anyway thanks for reading my thoughts lul hope you have a great dayyyy <3

[ares-would-be-proud]

Izzy said: Fairy! Im so excited for your dark content!! Since i saw it on your other blog, may i request for yandere bertholdt 👀 i feel the would make the most unsuspecting but worst (or best?) Yandere next to armin because he's so gentle and unassuming and shy, no one would ever think he has other intentions

Yandere Bertolt pt.I

{ Bertolt x reader | tw:yandere, tw:toxic-behaviour, tw:near-death experince, tw:murder mystery? Eh kinda, tw:manipulation tw:Emotional-rollercoster | Dark romance, fluff, slowburn, lowkey funny ngl | Canonverse }

{ "Roses" 1878 by George Cochran Lambdin 1830–1896 }

Securing the last belt around your thighs before attaching it to the one near your knees, you made sure to tighten it as much as you can before sliding it in the metal head.

Having the equipment room all to yourself, you took your time in double-checking everything was in place. Making sure your gas tanks were filled, carrying spare steel blades and tightening your boot strings.

The manoeuvring gear's parts made a clinking sound against each other with every step you took. Making your way to the nearby woods acting as the training ground, the sun shining made you shield your eyes with your hands, taking some seconds to adjust to the brightness.

The road was clear, with almost no birds or squirrels in sight.

It was one of those days when the wind seemed so fast as it swept by you, so much in fact that you could visibly see the few clouds swimming by as if they're racing each other. A perfect day to spend near a lake maybe, or in a field of flowers, but you had to spend it training in the woods with the other soldiers till your fingers ached from pressing against the handgrips.

You wanted to get it over with, feeling nauseous. Probably because you managed to oversleep and miss breakfast.

It started as normally as any other training session went, pushing through till your autopilot took over. While fun at first, there's so much manoeuvring between tree branches to slash at 2d wooden cutout of titans you could do before it started getting repetitive.

And so you let your body take over and move on its own, taking you further and further towards the edge of the forest till you couldn't hear the sound of anyone else's manoeuvring gear except your own.

The high wind rustling the trees making the leaves fall distorted your visions as they fell on you, and the flashing sunlight that swept through the small openings between the leaves only made things worse.

Blinding you for split seconds, too bright in fact, that you had to close your eyes shut as it burned after the light fell directly against it.

It's only after a couple of seconds late, that the sound of something snapping registered in your brain.

You were slowly turning in the air, strong wind resistance coming from below as gravity pulled you down.

Things were moving too quickly to process, dread shot through your entire body in shivers, you could feel your heartbeat in the back of your throat as you came closer and closer to the ground.

No matter how many times your clammy hands attempted to work the pistol-shot, no hooks attached to the nearby trees despite the gears working as you heard its zipping noise.

The realisation of the situation you're in finally settled, you couldn't do a single thing, but watch the trees grow larger and larger by the second as you fell to your doom.

You've survived many expeditions and missions, you've escaped Titans teeth that were mere inches from biting your head off, and this is what will put you seven feet below? A mere fall?

...no, it wasn't just a fall, it was arrogance for taking it for granted. After all, overconfidence was a slow and insidious killer, sneaking on the second you let your guard down.

But was it?

A flash of today's morning comes before your eyes, your brain recalling the unusual spot your manoeuvring gear was placed, you were too sleepy to notice it at the time but now it's the only thing on your mind, did someone-

Before you could hit the ground, the familiar sound of pressured gas fizzling out followed by the clinking of metal swishing by.

One second you were almost slamming into the hard ground, the next you were caught by someone mid-flight.

Bertolt tightly pressed you against his chest with one arm, securing you in place while his other used his gear to reach the nearest tree branch.

Your hands wrapped around him, securing yourself even more. He didn't flinch when your nails accidentally scratched his neck from how hard you were holding him.

Despite how close you were to his chest, your own hammering heartbeat was the only sound you could hear for it was stuck in your throat as the adrenaline pumped through your veins.

You hesitantly let go the second your feet touched the ground, although still shaking you managed to find your balance again, yet, Bertolt's hand didn't leave your back.

You looked below at the wires dangling from your gear, their end visibly thinner than the rest of it. It still didn't register how a wire made out of iron could snap so easily…

Your thoughts were interrupted by the hand reluctantly turning your face back up, Bertolt's nervous eyes meeting yours.

"Don't look down too much, you'll get dizzy" he said, concern clear in his voice before stepping closer to you, his large body tucking you between him and the tree behind, as if you might slip away "are you okay? Did you get injured?"

A bit taken back by his dotting, you shook your head before thanking him for not letting you fall.

"Don't mention it please...it's nothing, really." That seemed to make the corner of his lips rise a bite, slight flushing to his ears. "Maybe you should get some rest, you didn't seem well back there."

Was he watching?

The thought disappeared from your mind as quickly as it came, the guy saved you from a head injury after all, the least you could do is give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not to mention, it was Bertolt. Has it been any other guy, Reiner or Jean for example, then your attitude towards this whole thing would've been completely different. Putting as much space as you can between the two of you after brushing off their hands.

Has it been any other guy...but it wasn't now, was it?

No. It was Bertolt, soft-spoken and easily flustered Bertolt, who got nervous in most situations and didn't reply to teasing.

Bertolt, who didn't say a thing when Eren stole his seat next to Reiner, instead settled to sit next elsewhere.

Bertolt, who always remained humble and downplayed his skills despite ranking in the top five and becoming a really valuable soldier.

Bertolt, who you've only ever said hi to before once before he seemed to panic and just awkwardly wave back instead.

Maybe that's why you didn't mind him being so close, he wasn't a threat and most everyone knew that. If you asked people to rank the top three men they'd feel safe in a room with, Bertolt would almost make it to everyone's top two.

And so when he offered to walk you back to your room, it didn't raise any red flags despite it meaning you'd be alone with him in the dorms while everyone was training.

-

The short walk went fairly nice actually, he kept a respectful space between you while making sure to walk at a slower pace so his height wouldn't force you to jog.

From the sweat collecting at his forehead and his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt he seemed to struggle to find a good conversation starter.

You could read him like an open book, it was quite endearing the way he commented over how nice the weather is, four times in a row while stumbling over his words. But you weren't that cruel and so you decided to grant him mercy, starting a topic yourself.

Talking about your interest, hobbies and things you'd do whenever those rare moments of peace and normalcy would arrive.

He shared his too, apparently, he's into journaling, finding it much easier to write his thoughts on paper than out loud.

One conversation pulled another, as he seemed to grow more comfortable the more you talked.

Although, he wouldn't meet your eyes for more than 5 seconds before turning his gaze away, yet you could feel them staring at you the second you turn your head.

Somewhere between your conversation, the subject switched to talking about life. Bertolt asked you if this is the kind of life you've wanted, words unusually firm that it made you pause.

The question was out of place, a huge switch from your previous fun topics.

Nonetheless, you answered, "I don't think anyone would willingly choose this life. It's more of...doing the most out of the cards you've been dealt, this just happened to be mine."

The sound of his footsteps stopped, you looked at his face, he didn't look away.

"Would you rather have a more normal life?"

The way he stood, his back to the sun with you in his shadow, an unreadable expression on his face, really brought out his height and large build that you've almost forgotten.

you unconsciously took a step back, he took a step forward.

"If by normal you mean a non-starving one where I'm not at the risk of being eaten daily, then yeah." You answered, time felt like it slowed down. The seconds stretched for too long as you watched his reaction.

He...smiled, a sincere smile, the kind that makes your eyes shine. Soft expression seemingly relieved as he continued walking, a slight bounce to his steps.

"I'd love that too, to have a normal life one day."

And then he proceeded to tell you about his dream, the normal life of peacefulness he seeks. Sharing as many details as time would allow, from the kind of person he wants to grow up to be, to the colour he wants to paint the house backyard's fence.

It was lavender.

When he mentioned wanting a dog, you couldn't decide what was funnier, the mental image of Bertolt with an equally almost as big kind of dog, or a small tiny breed that would fit in his hands. Taking him for walks and playing catch as the dog tackles him to the ground.

Some chuckles escaped your lips, and while Bertolt didn't know what you were smiling about, nonetheless he joined too.

-

Your time together was cut short when the dorms came into view. Feeling both relief for finally being able to rest and disappointment for having to end your conversation so soon, especially since you think this is the first actual talk you had with him besides saying hi before.

Bertolt, looking out for you, made sure to hold the door to your room open for you. Some part of your brain wondered how exactly he managed to guess which room was yours, the other simply couldn't wait to get into bed.

You sat on the bed, Bertolt invited himself in and closed the door behind him.

He took his time looking around your shared room with his eyes, staring at the titles of the books splayed on the table, taking in the smell of scented incense your roommate bought every month, the doodles, drawings and notes hanging by mere tape against the wall.

Finally, eyes landing on the top bunk bed, currently empty with your roommate having left too early in the morning for the preparations of their next expedition.

Well...after all you were too used to waking up by the sound of them opening and closing all the drawers in search of their glasses that they manage to lose each day, yet yesterday they made sure to sleep next to it.

Huh, maybe that's why you overslept.

Yet, Bertolt's eyes didn't move as he stared seconds too long, shoulders growing stiff and palms tightening against his side.

"They left for an expedition, a titan capturing one... I think." You explained, "it's supposed to last three days, but since it's led by Captain Hange...I wouldn't be too surprised if they still haven't left yet."

"Must be nice, having the room for yourself."

You agreed before adding "well, it still gets too lonely sometimes."

Bertolt looked like he wanted to say something, lips parting for a second before he pressed them close into a thin line.

An awkward silence filled the room, as you looked at Bertolt who seemed to revert back to his old nervousness.

"I think I should go, Reiner must be looking for me."

You thanked him again for his help, he avoided your eyes before mumbling a reply, saying it's really nothing.

Did you do something wrong? You couldn't help but think that, after all things were going so well just now. Why would he get on edge again?

As a final attempt to redeem yourself from whatever unknown act you must've committed for Bertolt to act this uncomfortable, you called out to him one last time.

"Hey, Bertolt. I know we technically just met but, just know you can drop by anytime okay? You seem like a nice person and we can be friends."

Oh god did you really say, we can be friends, what is this kindergarten again? Welp you fucked up, looks like it's another failure to add to the calendar, man and you've been keeping such a clean track of days without accidents.

You know what? No, forget it, you tried your best and you had good intentions so why should you ever feel guilty for-

"You really mean that?" Bertolt, whom

You've become aware was still in the room, said.

Not sure how to reply to this, you just gave a nod instead.

"I'd love that." He spoke with a soft tone. And despite his growing desire to move closer to you, he opened the door instead, sparing you one last sweet smile before he left.

And for a good minute there, his smiling face was all that occupied your mind, a fluttering feeling that came and went too quickly for you to acknowledge.

-

True to your predictions, the mission was apparently delayed till midnight for...undisclosed reasons. Although gossip spread faster than wildfire, and by dinner time everyone was talking about the argument Captain Hange and Captain Levi got into, the story got modified and exaggerated each time it was passed around.

"Listen, I was there and I saw it! Well...not with my own eyes but it doesn't matter." Your roommate said, too eager to spill you everything that they almost forgot to eat their food. "It was big, like Captain Miche having to restrain Levi kind of big!"

You gave them a silent look, raising an eyebrow.

"...okay jeez it didn't get this far but it felt like it did, like it almost happened." They poked their food with the fork, before deciding to try some.

Their pouting face almost made you want to tease them even more, just to see what corner you can back them into before they confess to making up half the story they've been telling you.

But a wrenching gut feeling suddenly shot through your body, coming almost out of nowhere, the kind you'd usually feel whenever a titan was targeting you.

Confusion was naturally your first response, there couldn't be any titans nearby. You swallowed down, no don't be silly, it doesn't even make sense.

Maybe...maybe it was one of those cases you studied in class? About people getting PTSD flashbacks at random times, or from small triggers?

The air seemed too cold and too hot at the same time, you forced your eyes to move around the room in an attempt to remind yourself everything is fine, that you're here.

Seeing your friends, fellow soldiers and veterans just sitting around, enjoying their food while joking with their friends, helped ground you to reality again.

Yeah...see? Nothing's wrong, everyone's having a good time so-

Your gaze met Bertolt's, dark eyes staring back but not at you. No, instead they were focused on your roommate. The knot in your stomach twisted.

Beside him, Reiner was murmuring something under his breath as he leaned closer to Bertolt, his stare following the other's gaze.

Reiner seemed unusual, drops of sweat collecting at his forehead while Bertolt was the opposite, the calmest you've ever seen him actually.

Reiner gave Bertolt one final look, lips moving too fast for you to attempt to even read. Bertolt nodded.

And then it was like nothing happened, both of them going back to their usual selves. Reiner's attention was stolen by Eren asking about his food, while Bertolt looked at Jean who sat next to him without asking before commenting on Eren.

"Hey, are you okay? You look…" your roommate said, concern in their voice before their hand found your forehead. "I heard what happened this morning, with the manoeuvring gear, I didn't want to bring it up but…"

You didn't have to be told twice, and so you reassured them it's okay, you'll get some rest, not like you'd complain about having an excuse to get a day off.

That seemed to make them satisfied, well...that and making you swear on the scouts' honour to take care of yourself while they're away.

After dinner, as you were headed to your room while your roommate had to get to the stable before heading out with their group, you passed by Reiner.

It wouldn't have been unusual, wasn't it for the fact he was fully in his uniform with gear ready that you had to do a double-take.

You swore you just saw him in casual clothes at dinner...was he also going on that mission? Huh, weird you can't remember seeing his name on the list.

-

The week passed by slower than you would've liked, with both of the survey corps Captains gone, most of the soldiers...really had nothing to do but waste time.

It was almost funny, wasn't it for the fact you were bored out of your mind.

Captain Miche rarely gave orders, the only time you'd see him is during training season when everyone had to do a round with him. While commander Erwin didn't really entrust soldiers who weren't close to him with his paperwork or even chores.

At least Sasha and Connie were making the most of it, whatever they were doing seemed fun…

Bertolt never took you up on your offer either, despite him seemingly having a positive reaction to wanting to be friends he didn't show up at all.

Yet you'd still see him hovering by, either being assigned the same chore together or simply happening to be in the same room at the same time. And despite how much you've thought about going up to him to start a conversation, you knew how to read between the lines. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable that's all.

He'll come when he's ready, is what you told yourself.

And well, you were right, eventually, he did.

Not only did he initiate talking, he even attempted to ask if you'd like to accompany him to the nearby town maybe.

With the way his hands were clasped behind his back and slight flushing to his cheeks as he summoned all his courage to ask you that, how could you say no?

-

It was almost like seeing an entirely different person.

Bertolt, in his casual clothes, as he strolled by you through the food stands, seemed a much more...healthier version of himself?

He looked at peace, the smile never leaving his lips. He even made jokes and shared his opinions without being asked.

Whenever you went to check something that stole your attention, he would quickly follow by to erase any form of distance. Whenever your eyes fell on a piece of accessories for too long, he'd suggest you try it on, putting it on you himself.

And yet, whenever his hand would brush yours by accident while walking, he'd almost stumble into the ground and quickly pull it back. Or the time you attempted to adjust the collar of his shirt and you swore his knees almost gave out when you stepped closer, reaching his neck.

Both of you tried different kinds of food, he even offered you his own if you seemed to enjoy a certain food. Saying he'd rather you have it.

Both of you being broke soldiers ment there are only so many things you can do in the town before quickly burning through your savings.

It wasn't long before he suggested going back, you agreed to take the long walk back to enjoy nature a bit more.

You've wondered how come Bertolt only seems the most comfortable when talking to you on walks, but the story he was telling you was too interesting for you to think about it now.

You listened to him talk, it felt like you could listen to him for hours on end before getting bored. For someone who rarely spoke, he surely did have a way with words when he actually did.

It was nice, comfortable and gave you a false sense of normalcy as if the world was okay for a short while.

One final thought you had just before the both of you parted to go to your separate rooms, was that if Bertolt was going to write about this day in his journal.

-

For each day of the remaining week, you and Bertolt managed to hang out more and more.

You went to the lake, a frog landed on him that you had to remove because he was too nervous he might crush it.

He took you to a nearby spot in the town, it seemed normal at first but he just told you to wait. Apparently, each after some dogs would frequent this spot and Bertolt has already made friends with most of them.

And on the last day, both of you actually just spent it...in his room. He had a really comfortable bed and feather pillows that you almost didn't want to leave. And despite sharing a bed he still would keep space between you, no matter the uncomfortable positions he had to sit in.

By the end of the week, the expedition group arrived during sundown.

Their heads lifted high, pride clearly across their faces as they rode their horses. Captain Hange especially seemed much more excited than usual, barely managing to stay still on their horse.

The mission was a success apparently, they've managed to capture two titans with zero mortality rate and minor injuries.

...well almost a zero rate.

You were called into Erwin's office in the middle of the night, when Moblit knocked on your door asking you to quietly follow him.

The night air was cold against your thin clothes, silence filling the usually busy hallways, now errly empty.

Knocking before he told you to enter, he seemed busy with some paperwork, instead offering you a seat and asking to wait shortly.

The curtains behind him were closed shut, the candle sitting on his desk seemed on the verge of burning out, melted wax collecting on the plate under it.

It wasn't till after some seconds that you realised you weren't alone in the room, Captain Levi was leaning against the wall on the other side, arms crossed.

The scratching of the pen against the papers would occasionally get replaced with the sound of dipping the metal head inside the liquid ink container, carefully wiping it against the opening to remove any overflowing liquid.

Your fingers fiddled with the red cushion on the armchair, leg slightly bouncing before you force it to stop each time.

Waiting...and waiting.

The back of your throat felt scratchy, only becoming aware of how dry your mouth was then. Attempting to swallow down as a form of relief didn't help much.

"Here, drink it." A glass of water was offered to you by Levi, handing it to you before going back against the wall.

Saying a small thank you before finishing the glass, you felt slightly better afterwards. Although the growing tension in the air didn't help ease your mind.

"Cadet." Erwin clasped his hands, "I apologise for calling you here this late, although considering the circumstances I'm sure you'd understand."

Opening one of the desk drawers, Erwin pulled out something wrapped in a napkin, the white cotton having a growing reddish stain in its middle.

"I offer my condolences."

-

#Bertolt🕊 #yandere🕊 #Canonverse aot🕊 #izzy🕊 #bertolt hoover #aot bertolt #snk bertolt #snk bertholdt #aot bertholdt #bertholdt hoover #yandere bertolt #yandere bertholdt #bertolt x reader #bertholdt x reader #Bertolt x y/n #bertholdt x y/n #dark content #aot #snk #yandere #tw: yandere #tw: toxic behavior #tw: manipulation #aot x reader #snk x reader #yandere aot #yandere bertholdt hoover #tw:neardeath #murder mystery? #slowburn

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

[only-sunday]

Im going to try and start positive. Honestly I've tried to start a blog of some sort so many different times and its never really worked out but I'm all for some positive affirmations and my therapist is always saying that I should stop always focusing on the things I do wrong so I'm going to think of all my other blog starting posts as practices for this really amazing and cool new one that I'm starting right now. So let me start again and give an intro real quick.. 

Hello! welcome to my BRAND NEW blog! Okay, great, done. 

This is one of the few non-work/university related hobbies I'm testing out in an attempt to give my mental health a little boost and keep my brain functioning semi normally. One of the ways I keep my brain from totally exploding is writing its entire contents onto paper or into a computer journal. I find this helps calm the noise inside my busy, chemically imbalanced brain and acts as a relief system. It also creates a  good ‘user manual’ to take into my therapy sessions instead of paying hundreds of dollars to sit in uncomfortable silence and, on a more positive note I guess, it helps me keep memories. Remembering certain days, certain feelings or life stages, even tracking well-being & general mental health improvement is something I find easy when I'm writing it all down. Now obviously I'm not going to be sharing all of those journal entires on a super public internet forum for the entire world to see because I don't really think that leaking my naked vulnerability is going to give me the same success in return as it did for Kim K and Ray J so I'm going to stick the the rules of “some things are better left unsaid.. or just not leaked on porn sights specifically for riches and world domination”. No judgment Kimmy.  Instead this is where I'll post my more PG stream of consciousness along with some pictures of things I like, videos of things I've done and thoughts I wish to share. I want to document my other de-depression-ing hobbies that I'm trying to include into my life as well as finally fulfilling my dreams of being a real life blogger and posting my outfits, my outings and my reviews of things. All while simultaneously improving my astonishingly low self-confidence (because to-be-fucking-honest I'm getting a little sick of not doing all the things I reeeeeeally wanna do thanks to that bullshit little dude named “self-esteem”. fuck that guy he SUCKS).  My girlfriend and I recently started a youtube channel, thanks to her beautiful friend Hannah, which started out as a joke but has actually turned into a fun little hobby for us. I like the process of filming for memory-keeping purposes but the actual editing and fine tuning of the video itself is what's most fun for me. I have no idea what I'm doing the whole time, so the challenge combined with creative energy required is a really good source of good timey feels for me- thus the basis of this blog. With working almost full-time and studying 2 degrees at university, its hard to have full days of film worthy content, which means my new and beloved vlogging hobby is now taking weeks to have a video worth posting. So I thought why not get back into blogging where I can post texts and some pictures that require a little less time, a little less editing and can help my general well-being in the process. Great idea right?! yeah duh of course!  Now here's the thing. I, just like my split in-half bi-polar brain, like to split my year into two different seasons. The first half- the shit half- is January through July (more mid July-ish I guess, depending on the whole mercury/retrograde thing) is when I'm experiencing what I call my “growing pains”. Its the part of the year that I feel moves the quickest and is usually filled with lost of sadness and tears and not a whole lot to look forward to. I hate this part of the year. But then come Leo Season. Now I'm not super into/knowledgeable of astrology etc but I do absolutely, without a doubt feel a change when Leo Season hits. And it hits hard. My self confidence is suddenly through the roof, I feel so much happier and more excited and I start to get really excited for all the good events coming up for the rest of the year. Now I'm not trying to totally discount my mental health here. I still have my MASSIVE downs and up, I still need to go to therapy and do all my other things I do to stay alive but there is a general change in who I am. My super confident, all-pink-everything, 80s loving alter ego comes out and she tends to sick around for the rest of the year while really kicking my years 2nd season off with a bang. Then following that comes, Halloween (a real favourite of mine), my anniversaries, thanksgiving (big celebration in my house hold), end of year uni celebrations, the almightily Christmas which tbh I love so much I can't even get into it in this post and then finally New Years. And as much as I really prefer winter over summer, there really is something about summer holidays that a love so much. Everyone is always getting together with other people to have fun and celebrate something, there's always lots of laughing, lots of alcohol, and pretty much no-one wants to do nothing every cause we’re all just on one big summer vacation despite all still going to our full time jobs everyday. This 2nd season of the year truly is the best. So all pf these feel good things to look forward to are something that's most definitely going to contribute to my postings.  Along with all of this I'm going to post some food recipes, some currently reading & book reviews, my YouTube videos, my outfits, my attempts to create a more eco-sustainable household, my little garden that I'm going to start soon, some photos that make me happy and my thoughts that I need to get off my chest. 

So I’m going to try and stay positive because honestly I've tried to start a blog of some sort so many different times and its never really worked out but I really feel that maybe this time could be a little bit different. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. 

#blog #blog post #personal #only-sunday

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dean, Not Sam

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam

Word Count: 1,597

Warnings: Jealous!Dean and we all know how he can get then fluffy!dean

Request: Heyyy can u do a Dean x Reader where Sam and the reader are best friends and have a lot in common and Dean feels like shes gonna leave him for Sam but the reader reasures him that she's not

Author’s Note: If you want to be tagged, leave an ask or message and I’ll add you! Same goes for my Series Rewrite! If you want to request a fic, please send them in! I love writing what you guys want!

Feedback is always appreciated

Tags at the bottom

Living with the Winchesters was always an adventure. Each day was open to something new happening but you wouldn’t trade this life for any others you might have dreamed of in the past. You were dating the hottest and you were best friends with the tallest.

Your life was good and you were happy with how things were going. You just started dating Dean a few months ago even though you’ve been flirting for a lot longer than that. You were friends with both Winchesters a lot longer before you moved in with them.

You met them when you three were on the same case. You were posed as the reporter, trying to dish out whatever you could for the case and Sam and Dean were the very attractive FBI men who took over when they came into town.

But you didn’t let that happen since you got there first so this was your case. One accident later, Sam and Dean were exposed as hunters to you, thanks to your clumsy ass. But everything worked out in the end because with the brothers, you clicked instantly with them.

Of course, Dean hit on you from the very start, not that you minded since you liked him a lot more than his brother (in that way). You were supposed to be Dean’s one night stand but after you had mind blowing sex with him, you started snooping while he was in the shower. You found his father’s journal and you couldn’t help yourself.

You had to read it.

You must have gotten too invested in it because you didn’t even hear Dean get out of the shower until you heard him clear his throat. You tried explaining that you weren’t trying to snoop but you saw this and you couldn’t help yourself.

Before he could say anything, you started talking about all the monsters you came across and he started to accept you into his lives because at that point, he knew you were going anywhere.

A few years later, you moved in the Bunker with them, happier than you ever have been. You had everything you could ever need: a sexy boyfriend, an amazing best friend and a whole library filled with lore books.

Lore was one of your favorite subjects to read, even before you were a hunter. That is why you accepted the hunter’s life so easily after your parents were injured due to a vampire. Luckily no one got turned and they now live happy lives, putting that whole incident behind them.

You, on the other hand, stayed in the life after killing the vampires because you knew what was out there. What you knew back then was nothing compared to what you knew now. You were always learning about new monsters and what was out there.

Which is what you were doing now with Sam.

“I know a lot about Lore but this is one book I haven’t read and judging by its cover, there are new monsters in here both of us might not know of.” Sam said, grabbing the book before sitting next to you in the library.

“That’s awesome. I can’t wait to read it with you.” You said with a smile, sipping your water. You barely got into the book when you heard Dean’s footsteps enter the library.

“Hey, Y/N, want to help me work on my car? The parts I ordered for her came in. Let me save you while I can.” Dean laughed, joking about you reading with Sam.

“Uh, no thank you. Sam and I are just getting into this book. Plus, you know I find working on cars boring. That’s your thing, not mine.” You said, missing the look he gave you. Dean noticed how close you and Sam were sitting, smiling as you both read the same book.

He knew that you were your own person and you had your own likes and dislikes but Dean felt you had a lot more in common with his brother than himself. He liked you a lot and he hasn’t felt things like this about a woman since Lisa left his life so he thought you were pretty special to begin with.

But maybe you were meant to be with Sam and not him.

“Oh, okay, I’ll just be out there, I guess.” Dean said, looking at you.

“Have fun.” You said without looking at him. He sighed and kicked the ground before leaving to his car. He hated feeling this way and this was one of the reasons he didn’t get involved with women like this. They always chose Sam when they wanted a deep relationship.

Dean wasn’t meant for relationships like that.

A few days later, you were in your bedroom, getting some cookbooks you had stored there. Cooking was a hobby you had and now that you had a huge ass kitchen, you were going to use that hobby more often.

“Hey, want to go for a drive? Sam is going to be in the kitchen all day working on his food schedule.” Dean said, knocking on your door. The reason you had your own room was because you liked to have your own space that was just for you. You spent most, if not all nights in Dean’s bed but it was nice to have something of your own.

“Yeah, I know, I’m actually going to help him with that. He seemed to like that I had some cookbooks in here.” You said with a smile, again, missing the look on his face.

“You know, if he is holding you against your will, tell me and I’ll whisk you away.” Dean said, chuckling nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Dean, don’t be silly. I like doing these things. How about we go for a drive later on?” You asked, kissing his cheek before leaving your room to where Sam was.

Was Dean doing something wrong? Was it his fault you liked Sam more than him?

The next night, Sam was out and you were bored. You tried finding Dean but he wasn’t in his room or the kitchen, the library and the war room were empty too.

“Dean?” You called out, walking around the Bunker looking for the wan you wanted to spend time with. You know you’ve been spending a lot of time with Sam lately and you missed Dean. As you passed the entrance to the garage, you heard clanging come from inside.

You opened the door and walked inside, not seeing anything but hearing the clanging sound again. But now that you were closer to it, it sounded like it was a ball bouncing off the wall or something. You walked around the garage, coming to the Impala.

You walked around to the other side and frowned when you saw Dean sitting on the floor with his back to the car, throwing a ball to the wall, catching it when it bounced back to him. He had a few beers near him as well, one of them being empty.

“Dean? Wat are you doing out here?” You asked, sitting next to him.

“Where is Sam?” He asked, ignoring your question.

“Out. He went to one of those film things that were showing a French film.”

“Why didn’t you go with him?”

“You know I don’t like those kinds of movies,” You said, finally noticing the look he had on his face. You noticed he wasn’t happy. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you want me to be more interested in books? Do you want me to eat healthier? Do you want me to grow out my hair so it can flow in the wind?” Dean asked, making no sense to you at all.

“Dean, sweetie, what are you talking about?” You asked. He set the ball down and turned to you with hurt flashing in his eyes.

“Do you like Sam more than me?” He’d figure the band-aid would be better ripped off.

“What? No, I like you. Why would you think I like Sam more?” You asked, oblivious to your actions throughout the week.

“You’re spending time with him with your book reading and your food scheduling. Do you want me to be more like Sam?” He asked.

“No, Dean. I like you just the way you are. I’m sorry you are feeling this way but I don’t like Sam. I like Dean. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot.” You said, putting your hand on his cheek. He leaned into your touch and you smiled, getting up.

“Where are you going?” He asked, missing your warm touch.

“Come on, I’m going to show you just how much I like you more. I may even love you.” You said with a smile, holding your hand out. He grabbed it and used it to aid him in getting on his feet.

“Wait, love? You love me?” He asked with a small smile.

“I said I may love you. May. We’ll see.” You giggled, walking with him back inside the Bunker.

“Okay, okay, before we go any further, I have a question.” Dean said, stopping you. He got in front of you and look at you with a serious face.

“What is it?”

“I can grow my hair out, right?”

“You’re such a dork.” You smiled, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom. You loved this man whether you knew it or not and despite Sam being your best friend, Dean was the better man and you were going to spend all night proving that to him.

Forever tags:

@im-not-an-angel-of-the-lord @maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes  @roxyspearing @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose @cobrakai1967 @essie1876 @innernightwerewolf @wishedworld @justanotherdeangirl @crispychrissy @laqueus-ludovicus @nostalgic-uncertainty @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @potterhead1265 @starswirlblitz

Dean tags:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spn-applepie-imagines @tahbehonest

Other tags:

@notnaturalanahi @27bmm @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

#dean x reader #deanxreader #dean winchester x reader #dean #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester preference #dean winchester fic #dean x reader insert #dean x you #dean x y/n #dean x reader inserts #spn #spn fic #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn fan fic #spn fiction #spn fluff #supernatural #Supernatural Fan Fiction #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fic #Supernatural Fiction #supernatural fluff

[i-smile-so-i-must-be-fine]

1: My name? jess

2: Do I have any nicknames? lilo, babe, baby

3: Zodiac sign? virgo 

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? none 

5: Book/series I reread? none 

6: Aliens or ghosts? ghosts

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write?

8: Favourite radio station? capital fm or smooth 

9: Favourite flavour of anything? hmm strawberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? amazing 

11: Favourite song? stitches - shawn mendes 

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? lol don’t really make new friends often 

13: Favourite word? depends on my mood what i use the most 

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? no 

15: Last song I listened to? turn me on - riton 

16: TV show I always recommend? never really recommend anything 

17: Pirates or ninjas? pirates 

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? perks of been a wallflower or fault in our stars

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? again depends on my mood

20: Favourite video games? none

21: What am I most afraid of? my girl dying or been left 

22: A good quality of mine? i care soooo much about others 

23: A bad quality of mine? paranoia/jealousy 

24: Cats or dogs? cats

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? don’t really know 

26: Favourite season? autumn 

27: Am I in a relationship? yep 

28: Something I miss? been able to just go to my girls house or have her come to me 

29: My best friend? does my fiancee count.. other than that don’t have one 

30: Eye colour? green/brown they change colour 

31: Hair colour? brown

32: Someone I love? my girl and our son 

33: Someone I trust? my girl 

34: Someone I always think about? my girl and our son 

35: Am I excited about anything? seeing my girl on wednesday 

36: My current obsession? don’t currently have one 

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? lizzy mcguire 

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? no 

39: Am I superstitious? not really

40: What do I think about most? ...

41: Do I have any strange phobias? no 

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind 

43: Favourite hobbies? listening to music/ watching netflix 

44: Last book I read? can’t remember what its called but i need to finish reading it 

45: Last film I watched? a star is born 

46: Do I play any instruments? no 

47: Favourite animal? tiger

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?

49: Superpower I wish I could have? wish i could have three.. invisibility, fly, read minds 

50: How do I destress? i don’t 

51: Do I like confrontation? no 

52: When do I feel most at peace? with my girl 

53: What makes me smile? my girl and our son 

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off

55: Play any sports? used to 

56: What is my song of the week? don’t have one 

57: Favourite drink? red bull 

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? its been a while

59: Afraid of heights? no 

60: Pet peeve? people biting their nails 

61: What was the last concert I went to see? shawn mendes 

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no 

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? pe teacher 

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? kinda 

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? dunno 

66: Something I worry about? everything 

67: Scared of the dark? only when im out on my own 

68: Who are my best friends? answered 

69: What do I admire most about others? it varys in each person 

70: Can I sing? LOL no 

71: Something I wish I could do? read minds 

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? help family out, by my little family a house, learn to drive and buy a car, holidays, 

73: Have I ever skipped school? yea

74: Favourite place on the planet? hmm anywhere with my little family is perfect 

75: Where do I want to live? as a kid i always wanted to move to ameria, and now i’d love to live in greece 

76: Do I have any pets? yea

77: What is my current desktop picture? the quote “love is louder than the pressure to be perfect”

78: Early bird or night owl? night 

79: Sunsets or sunrise? set

80: Can I drive? i wish 

81: Story behind my last kiss? saying goodbye :(

82: Earphones or headphones? both 

83: Have I ever had braces? no 

84: Story behind one of my scars? sh 

85: Favourite genre of music? listen to most genres 

86: Who is my hero? hmm 

87: Favourite comic book character? harley quinn

88: What makes me really angry? anything can trigger it 

89: Kindle or real book? neither

90: Favourite sporty activity? dunno 

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?

92: What was my favourite subject at school? pe

93: Siblings? 1

94: What was the last thing I bought? a can of monster 

95: How tall am I? 5″3

96: Can I cook? kinda

97: Can I bake? a little 

98: 3 things I love? my girl, my son, my phone 

99: 3 things I hate? been late, my ex, my girls ex 

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? girls 

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? girls 

102: Where was I born? england 

103: Sexual orientation? lesbian 

104: Where do I currently live? england 

105: Last person I texted? my girl 

106: Last time I cried? this morning 

107: Guilty pleasure? dunno 

108: Favourite Youtuber? rose and rosie 

109: A photo of myself. no 

110: Do I like selfies? only if someone else is in them with me 

111: Favourite game app? home scapes 

112: My relationship with my parents? its okay 

113: Favourite accents? canadian 

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? i want to travel the world so yea 

115: Favourite number? 7

116: Can I juggle? no 

117: Am I religious? no 

118: Do I like space? kinda 

119: Do I like the deep ocean? yea 

120: Am I much of a daredevil? probably 

121: Am I allergic to anything? no 

122: Can I curl my tongue? no 

123: Can I wiggle my ears? no 

124: Do I like clowns? they’re alright 

125: The Beatles or Elvis? neither 

126: My current project? don’t have one 

127: Am I a bad loser? no 

128: Do I admit when I wrong? sometimes 

129: Forest or beach? beach 

130: Favourite piece of advice? dunno 

131: Am I a good liar? kinda

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? erm well i got bored of harry potter through the first one.. dunno anything about the second one and hunger games confused me 

133: Do I talk to myself? i talk to the voices in my head if that counts 

134: Am I very social? lol no

135: Do I like gossip? sometimes

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? no 

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? yea plenty of times 

138: Do I believe in second chances? pretty much 

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? keep the cash and hand in the wallet 

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? sometimes 

141: Have I ever been underweight? no 

142: Am I ticklish? very 

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? no but sounds fun 

144: Have I ever been on a plane? a few times 

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? dunno 

146: Have I ever been overweight? story of my life 

147: Do I have any piercings? not anymore 

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? harley quinn 

149: Do I have any tattoos? 9

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? agreeing to meet the person who became my fiancee 3 months later 

151: Do I believe in Karma? i thought i did but apparently it doesn’t happen 

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? i’m supposed to wear glasses to read 

153: What was my first car? i can’t drive 

154: Do I want children? i have 1 

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?

156: My most embarrassing memory? to many to name 

157: What makes me nostalgic?

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? i have insomnia sooo 

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains 

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black 

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? a few times 

162: What do I hate most about myself? everything 

163: What do I love most about myself? tattoos 

164: Do I like adventure? yea 

165: Do I believe in fate? kinda 

166: Favourite animal? tiger 

167: Have I ever been on radio? yea 

168: Have I ever been on TV? does the news count?

169: How old am I? 26

170: One of my favourite quotes? love is louder than the pressure to be perfect 

171: Do I hold grudges? yea

172: Do I trust easily? no 

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? think so 

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? hmm 

175: Do I dream? i day dream a lot but for the past dunno how long i’ve had nightmares when i’ve been able to sleep

176: Have I ever had a night terror? all the time 

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? there all nightmares 

178: An experience that has made me stronger? erm 

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? god please i hope that never happens 

180: Do I like shopping? if im feeling impulsive 

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? i’d murder a few people 

182: What does “family” mean to me? dunno can’t explain it 

183: What is my spirit animal? sloth 

184: How do I want to be remembered?

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? maths 

186: What is my greatest failure? my last relationship but thank fuck it didn’t work out 

187: What is my greatest achievement? my son although it happened out of a very bad situation 

188: Love or money? love 

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? its difficult coz i’d want to go to the future to see if things actually improve.. but i’d also want to go into the past to change things 

191: What makes me the happiest? my little family 

192: What is “home” to me? been in my girls arms 

193: What motivates me? my son 

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? sure 

196: A movie that scared me as a child? incredible hulk 

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? dunno 

198: Zombies or vampires? vampires 

199: Live in the city or suburbs? not fussed 

200: Dragons or wizards? dragons 

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?

202: How do I define love? love is when you care deeply for someone and so much more

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? i try not to 

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yea 

205: Do I like my handwriting? no 

206: Sweet or savoury? sweet 

207: Worst job I’ve had? when i was an intern at this little cafe i just hated the whole experience 

208: Do I collect anything? no 

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? my engagnment ring and the first ring my girl bought me 

210: What is on my bucket list? to travel 

211: How do I handle anger? depends 

212: Was I named after anyone? dunno 

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? always 

214: What TV character am I most like? dunno 

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i have flexible fingers 

216: Favourite fictional character? harley quinn 

[thesanguinecrow]

just gonna vent about my day under here

ive already vague posted about it but i kinda just wanna get it all clear n out

lowkey thinkin of making a personal journal blog thang cuz i like posting into the void as an outlet

and of course you dont have to read this if you dont want to (its hella long too though i put a tldr). i wish you well regardless <3 

again its entirely up to you if you wanna read this. im not in any grand detriment and will be able to handle my situations just wanna express some stuff in words, release some pressure to not have it all be inside

tldr: romantic dullness/exhaustion, cant use the parking pass i bought today bc step dads truck broke down so he using my moms car shes using mine i have to walk to school n being able to go to work/interviews is looking impossible, money is tight, changing coins into cash was difficult (heavy, took a long time, spilled some coins, lost like 36 in service fee), stomach bein sensitive

ok so this kinda starts off from my train of thought from yesterday n i felt that feel where its like am i rly gonna find anyone i can genuinely vibe with and feel like !!<3 all that love stuff and when i opened myself to see how i felt towards people in that sense it all kinda felt dull and cardboard-y.

i feel like ive put out too much romantic interest and im cycling back into a low period and having more disinterest

in my french class ive moved my seat to sit next to a guy i think is cute. 

ever since the first time we spoke when we had to pair up with someone we never talked to yet in the class the vibe was v chill n like we were already buds and my aries mars is becoming bolder and i was like okay why not lez go. its been cool sitting next to him and we have our meme moments and our laughs.

today my fiend sat next to me and i could just bee insecure and jealous but the guy, who sat on my other side, complimented on her eyelashes and yeah (ik ik its like \__!__/ and i have no control over other ppl free will but yknow i gotta fancy on this guy

though today the luster has faded from him pretty hard

we were talking about french terms for family members and like widow and stuff was one of the terms (i dont remember exactly as it came up but) and he was putting out that lmao im single and lookin for some nice nice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and the whole vibe was just off putting

when class ends we usually talk a little bit till a couple steps out of the door and we go our separate ways but today i had to go to the cashiers to buy a parking pass so i walked with him more

when we left the building he like projectile spits into the dirt and for me the whole like idk what to call it but the sound of gathering the spit n stuff y’know like that absolutely makes me cringe so i was just there like

so any way i go to the cashiers to (finally) buy my parking pass

thankfully since we moved im now within walking distance of my school but its like ide rather not. i sweat easily, a lot, and its so cal sunny weather is almost constant. for the past like 2 weeks ive been parking as close as i can to the school in the residential area and walked the rest. (you still need permit like 4 blocks from the school) so i was glad to finally get my pass to park across the street.

until my mom told me this night that my step dads truck broke down (its an old used car with a lot of miles on it the engine wasnt actin right) so now he has to take my moms car and shes gonna take my car. thus i gotta walk all the way from home to school. im mad that like the day i buy my pass is the day i loose the ability to take my car to school. tomorrow imma see if i can still refund my pass.

this is throwing a wrench into my activities bc ive been riding on three job interviews and now idek if i can make it to work especially on a basically on demand basis (bc part time seasonal work be like that) i already interviewed for two and canceled the third

over all losing the functionality of one of our vehicles, work not being ideal, and me losing my mobility has thrown me back into financial anxiety and put a damper on my mood.

other unfortunate events today have been my stomach being sensitive to most anything and having to go exchange my step dads coins into cash

at some stores (like vons, ralphs, cvs) they got this machine called a coin star. you feed in your coins, they take a processing fee, you get a cash voucher, and cash it at the register to get your bills. 

my step dad had $300+ worth in coins and it was heavy.

part one of this poor experience: there was some random stuff up in the coins like safety pins so the machine jams i needa call the manager he clears it up we good

then i spill some of the fucking coins and i loose some under the machine. two other employees helped me pick up the coins thankfully

then i just was standing there for hella long and my hands got dirty from handing all the coins. i was probably there for almost an hour. my feet were starting to swell up n turn red from standing in place for that long. the wait then continued as i waited in the register line to cash the vouchers (one from the jam, one from the machine auto stopping bc we had to pick up the coins, and the final voucher after feeding everything in) and i waited for another while in the line at starbucks for my reward drink. 

also like coinstar takes like 11.5% fee and like oof with what i had it took like 36 dollars in fee

so like yeah that was my day