#but it just doesnt come naturally to me and i sometimes feel so dumb compared to everyone else

[bare1ythere]

I know this is the arts and humanities website but I just want to say. The humanities aren't universally easy. Different people's brains work differently and take to different subjects differently. My brain really clicks with biology and I find math alright but really struggle in the arts. Just because the humanities come naturally to you doesn't mean its easy for everyone

#shut up me #re: a post i reblogged earlier #It sometimes frustrates me on here because uknow. one of my main hobbies is Media Analysis for Fun #but it just doesnt come naturally to me and i sometimes feel so dumb compared to everyone else #and i went into the notes on that post and found some weirdly nasty tags saying arts courses are easy and science kids shouldnt complain #I understand the importance of science majors taking arts/communication courses. but also would love if folks kept in mind #that a lot of science majors do genuinely find these courses difficult #really its incredible how different it feels for me to write an essay vs a chem lab report #running humanities software on stem hardware. I feel like im putting my brain in reverse every time i write an essay and it feels horrible

[evilmagician430]

Hii im just starting to get into vt because of a friend and he said u know abt spencer. can u tell me abt him??

oh boy where do i even start. this is like a dream come true for me honestly. i'm going to try to stick to whats actually canon as much as possible, so i wont be getting into my own headcanons here.

i know for a fact im gonna end up typing some parapgraphs so here, i made a table of contents.

paragraph 1: age

paragraph 2: personality

paragraph 3: hobbies and interests

paragraph 4: location

paragraph 5: his backstory

paragraph 6: miscellaneous

spencer is one of the youngest venturiantale characters. the wiki states that he is 17, but when he is first introduced he says that he is 12 years old, so i'm not really sure where the fandom wiki got 17 from. he IS characterized as a young teenaged boy so really his age can be anywhere inbetween those 2 in the present day of canon (which is like... vaguely 2010s.) obviously if you're doing like timeskip aus or whatever he can be an adult.

he is very easily annoyed especially when it comes to stupid people, of which there are an abundance in the gmod roleplay cast. whenever someone ticks him off he tends to call them an "absolute nerd!!!" something which i struggle to incorporate into my own depictions because i can never seem to get it to sound natural. i mean, he himself is portrayed to be this geeky insufferable know-it-all, so it's strange that he would call other people "nerd"s, especially when theyre being dumb. but i digress. short paragraph compared to the other ones but as he's presented in canon, he really does have a simple composition. he's a nerdy kid who hates people and loves to be alone and gets angry easily.

it's hard to discern what spencer likes, but it's easy to tell what he dislikes because he'll make it known. pokemon, power rangers, barbies, really anything pink and girly (with some glaring exceptions such as being a brony and having no issue with sailor moon) and more probably. he's always looking for faults in anything people like. with pokemon, it was that it's a ripoff of digimon; with power rangers, it was that it's just a localization of super sentai, and for this reason he actually likes sailor moon because it isnt derivative. not sure what his feelings are on g4 mlp being a reboot. maybe he prefers the older gens? g3 mlp is really girly and pink though even more than g4 is so maybe he would just be a gen 1 fan and also watch mlpfim. (speculation) the wiki lists his occupation(s) as "brony, hacker, weeb" which is a really good list of things to be into and none of them are jobs. and he HAS had a job at least once is the funny part. he worked at the front desk of a random hotel. anyways from this we can conclude that he probably likes certain anime, likely the more obscure and plot-heavy ones. and he also is really apeshit bananas at computers. he knows ALL THE CODES. all of them. he spends most of his time on the computer or in bed watching anime. the shelves inbetween? i like to imagine he keeps his figures and toys there. i think he's a dc comics fan, but i can't remember if its canon or not.

he's a troglodyte dwelling almost exclusively in the basement of the acachalla house, or sometimes even in lower, secret basements. one time the acachallas moved and they left him there, and when they came back to get some stuff he rose out of the front lawn like a zombie and was like nuh uh uh this is my house now. at least once he was eaten by giant dirt worms under the house. in canon it is stated that he is not allowed to leave the basement, which seems abusive to me. i like to headcanon that spencer only THINKS he's not allowed to leave the basement because that's how it used to be in his original family that he ran away from. but thats not canon; the canon is that he's basically a captive of the acachalla household. he digs tunnels and becomes allied with the mole people but overall it doesnt seem like he minds living underground. anyways.

content warning: cult. also child death and suicide? i guess. before being adopted by the acachallas, spencer was the leader of a cult worshipping an entity known as the spence. the spence was an extremely powerful god who died or something and the mission of the cult was to resurrect him. little spencer, only 12 years old at most, killed himself in an act of ritual sacrifice. he became the mighty spence incarnate, and after gaining new life, he immediately started killing the members of his cult (because they couldnt correctly answer his trivia questions or something), and ordering them to kill one another. then he flew away on the back of a giant seagull all the way across dimensions to little butts north carolina. and then presumably his debut video happened (he goes to gamestop where gertrude is working and annoys her so much with his questions that she beats him to death with a crowbar).

O.K. now some random things. starting with the one i never shut up about: he's definitely bisexual and/or nonbinary BASED ON the situation that occurs in the killer teletubby video when he meets mabeline, a girl cosplaying as johnny ghost. he expresses interest or perhaps attraction to her (??) based on her appearing almost exactly like johnny ghost but having a girl's voice. he says, and i quote, "am i seeing... someone as hot as johnny ghost, but yet also with a feminine voice? that's like the best of both worlds, i dont know where i sign up" like there is no cishet way to interpret that i fear. anyways he also canonically has ocd and at one point, a fear of grass. a lot of this information you can just get from reading the fandom wiki but im so so so glad you asked me instead. he has a level 67 warlock in world of warcraft. he is literally the joker. his braces are so rusty they can be used as magical bullets. he's such an enigma i cant help but be obsessed with him. anyways thats the official spencer guide by me the spence enthusiast. also i have a little doll of him hes awesome

[arhvste]

❝atsumu, kuroo, tsukishima and bokuto playing acnh ❞

miya atsumu

→ first he called the game dumb but he eventually gave in because everyone and their aunts were playing it and he didn’t wanna be left out

→ mf tries so hard for raymond at first

→ he insists it’s just because he can sell him for a lot

→ he really just wants raymond because he lowkey reminds him of osamu

→ anyways this fool doesn’t get raymond but ya know who he does get?

→ pedro

→ atsumu was ✨disgusted✨

→ “a clown?! a fukn clown?! yer jokin me!”

→ “aw don’t cry he fits in so well on your island 😹”

→ “sHUT YER TRAP 😠😠😠”

→ he hated pedro at first and for what?

→ eventually he starts vibing with him though

→ he decides that perhaps... pedro isn’t a bad guy after all

→ so atsumu develops a soft spot for him and begins to favour him over the rest of his mediocre villagers whose names he can’t be bothered to remember

→ ya know whose name he can remeber though?

→ BELLA 😡😠😡😠😡😡😠

→ the name that sparks rage in him

→ atsumu hits his villagers with his net shouting “nice cut g!” as a joke

→ with bella he’s not joking 😐

→ he hits her repeatedly and grins maliciously when she gets angry eventually

→ LOVES shoving her into pitfalls for absolutely no reason

→ cusses her out under his breath

→ writes hate mail to her only to get fustrated when she sends a nice reply about the flowers she saw the other day that reminded her of him

→ honestly bella girl it ain’t worth it, pack your bags and get outta there sis 😔

→ he wants her to get tf off his island because he doesn’t like her but he also kinda wants her to stay because he loves annoying her and making her angry

→ literally goes out of his way to buy the ugliest clothes for her to wear

→ he also has all his villagers address him as “big dick man”

→ pedro is special though 😳

→ pedro is the chosen one who gets to call him “tsumu”

→ JUST PEDRO 😤😾😡

→ literally thinks it’s the funniest thing when his villagers say “hey big dick man! the weather sure is great today isn’t it!”

→ you can hear his cackling from down the hall

→ thinks it’s the peak of comedy

→ oh and you’re not allowed to visit his island on a saturday

→ saturdays are “for the boys”

→ and by that he means he’s just going to buy a ton of matching clothes for him and pedro and talk to him all day until he eventually annoys pedro by accident to which he genuinely gets upset about

→ he doesn’t really bother with the fishing tourneys or bug offs

→ does catch a few though just to make sure he beats bella earns nook miles

→ pretty average island, not too much effort put into it yet

→ atsumu prefers channeling his energy and game time into bullying bella interacting with his villagers

kuroo tetsurō

→ bangs. it. tf. out.

→ literally acts like he doesn’t care about the game but has 395+ hours game time

→ uses the excuse it’s to play with kenma but kuroo actually got into it before kenma had the chance to look at it properly

→ fishing tourney KING

→ has multiple gold trophy’s and built a whole extension just to show them off

→ also treats all his villagers equally

→ he was a bit picky and only wanted cats and dogs on his island though

→ if you’re anything but a cat or a dog, i’m sorry but kuroo will timeskip you tf off of his island

→ has a soft spot for lucky but doesn’t admit it

→ he likes to come across as a “fair dictator of the island”

→ just admit luckys your fav and go oh my god

→ his house is really nice too

→ pretty much paid off all his debt and is financially responsible 😼

→ he will send you money over a few times a week because he claims he’s a good boyfie virtually and realistically

→ LOVES opening the letters from ‘mom’

→ it’s a small detail in the game but it brings kuroo comfort when he opens the letters and sometimes receives gifts from his virtual ‘mom’ 🥺

→ keeps all the letters from her because that’s what he would do if his real mom ever wrote to him

→ he’s a shameless timeskipper

→ “tetsu?? where tf did you get all this the games only been out a week??”

→ “👁👁 idk what you’re talking about baby”

→ the thing that annoys him the most are the fossils

→ HATES the stupid little marks in the ground that appear every day

→ also HATES talking to blathers

→ “spit it out already! i have places to be and villagers to see!”

→ completely ignores blathers’ real name and refers to him as ‘bokuto’

→ because he’s an owl duh

→ and bokuto also talks a lot

→ you thought it was a cute friendship thing at first but took it back when you heard him muttering under his breath

→ “oh my god just analyse the fossils already you himbo bird!”

→ “did you just call blathers a himbo? 😳”

→ “...no? 😳👀”

→ all in all, kuroo’s pretty good at the game

→ you like visiting his island because he has a ton of extra stuff he just gives you

→ “i never want to hear you call me a bad boyfriend again 😐”

→ “okay fine...but oNLY if you give me an ironwood dresser 😏”

tsukishima kei

→ another one who bangs it out

→ doesn’t really care when you point it out though

→ “you’re just jealous your islands a dumping ground compared to mine 🥱”

→ “k-kei 😔”

→ also sprints near where you’re fishing to scare the fish off and be spiteful 💀

→ little shit KNOWS you only need oranges to complete all the fruits on your island

→ he also knows you’re out of nook miles tickets

→ “aw that’s a shame, maybe if you were a bit better at the game you’d find them quicker but good luck! 😀”

→ oranges are his native fruit 😐😑😐

→ eventually he gives you them because you’re relentless and his patience runs thin after a while

→ good at the bug offs

→ pretty good at scorpion/tarantula hunting too

→ convinced spike is in love with him after the amount of scorpions and tarantulas he’s donated to him

→ his fossil exhibition in the museum is completed already

→ when blathers tells him the facts about the dinosaurs he just rolls his eyes

→ “i knew that already you stupid bird 🙄”

→ why’s everyone bullying blathers damn 😿

→ now, he likes henry

→ one of the few villagers he doesn’t bully

→ tsukki doesnt particularly care for majority of his villagers

→ henry has a special place in his heart though

→ maybe it’s because henry isn’t overly perky or he isn’t rude like the cranky villagers which tsukishima doesn’t like

→ henry is just??? so??? nice????

→ he can’t hate him

→ all his villagers have catchphrases that are dumb af

→ tsukki thought he was being clever when he made them but he just looks mean when other people talk to his villagers

→ “good morning i am useless! i love your outfit!”

→ henry gets to call him tsukki though

→ only because he figured out that henry reminds him of yamaguchi

→ that’s the only reason henry’s the exception to his bullying

→ i feel like tsukki has a pretty nice house too

→ he makes a lot of bells from selling scorpions and tarantulas and spare fossils he’s dug up

→ doesn’t really care about the size but has very detailed rooms

→ like all the furniture in his rooms follow a scheme

→ mf never opens his mailbox

→ doesn’t care for what the other “peasants have to say for themselves”

→ terraforming isn’t really his thing tbh

→ doesn’t like how slow the process and be and kinda likes the natural flat land

→ he likes laying down paths though

→ cusses villagers out when they get in the way though

→ full on shoves them and will keep shoving them until they get annoyed just because they’ve annoyed him

→ tsukki doesnt put as much time into the game as kuroo but his island is still pretty good and aesthetically pleasing

→ he just won’t help you make yours look like that 💀

bokuto koutarō

→ weeds. everywhere.

→ get so confused when he’s told he has to pick them all

→ “really? why can’t i just let them grow though i kinda like them 🤩”

→ mf ✨struggles✨ at the first stages

→ “y/n, you know i love you, please give me 30 iron nuggets 🥺💖💞💗”

→ ofc you give them to him because you’re well ahead in the game and don’t need them as much as he does

→ praises you like royalty but then he’s back to begging for materials from you 💀

→ doesn’t pay his debts

→ you’re gonna have to help him out here

→ doesn’t like the idea of having to constantly pay them off

→ like?? he doesn’t want a bigger house so why is this damn raccoon always bothering him to upgrade like leave him and his 2 room house alone 😠

→ has a the same camp bed and lamp from when he first moved out the tent 💀

→ insists he doesn’t need another one because the furniture all functions the same

→ he has a point tbf but his house just isn’t aesthetically pleasing

→ he also hoards stuff

→ common butterfly? yeah bokuto has 37 sitting in his storage

→ doesn’t like letting the bugs go because he “caught them fair and square”

→ you show him how to pay his debts back and then he dedicates a whole room to his stupid bugs 💀

→ loves blathers and celeste just because they’re owls

→ doesn’t care about what they’re wittering on about he loves interacting with them just because they’re the only owls in the game 😐

→ his favourite villager is kid cat

→ literally follows him around and sprints circles around him

→ l o v e s the chaos outside the town hall

→ 2 of his villagers are singing, 3 are running around and 1 is just watching like 🧍🏻‍♀️

→ HYPES his singing villagers tf up

→ “yeah get it bianca! turn it up!!! 🥳🥳”

→ has to match his villagers clothes at least once a week

→ also makes them all refer to him as “the best ace”

→ it boosts his ego a little more each time they say it

→ bokuto actually got raymond out of luck but had no idea who tf he was and just how popular he was

→ lets that mf go without advertising that raymond’s in boxes

→ atsumu screeches when he finds this out eventually

→ bokuto doesn’t care what his villagers look like everyone’s welcome

→ bella should move to bokuto’s island and move from atsumu’s because bokuto will accept her with open arms rather than a net to the head everytime he sees her 😿

→ ALWAYS remembers birthdays for his villagers

→ and always shows up to their birthday parties insisting he’s the life of the party and they’d be bored without him 😹

→ which is true to a certain degree cause the party only really starts when the player arrives

→ bokuto is actually okay at terraforming

→ quickly changes his mind after an hour of building and digging and restarts it all over again

→ he can make his island look pretty good

→ theres just weeds and buried fossils everywhere though 👁👁

→ also forgets his turnips go bad

→ literally the least financially responsible out of them all

→ it’s okay though because you help him and he eventually gets the hang of it

general taglist → @atsumuwoah @bloody-bella @bbymilkbread @miracleboy420 @doggonudez @atsunakaashi @peteunderoos @saturnfarie @toffees-main @zumisace @boosyboo9206 @totorosleaff @27kei

please send an ask to be added / removed from my taglist

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

#miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #atsumu hcs #atsumu scenario #atsumu headcanons #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo hcs #kuroo scenario #kuroo headcanons #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima scenario #tsukishima headcanons #bokuto koutaro #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #bokuto hcs #bokuto scenario #bokuto headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu hcs

[sharkmobster]

more funtime found family au stuff but this time focusing on funtime freddy and michael's relationship. it's incredibly rambly and turns into off-kilter dialogue but i gotta get this off my chest.

tw mentioned child abuse/death

• doesn't actually like michael (at first) even tho i draw them hanging around each other a lot

• bon bon is the only reason he does loaf around him. (bon bon and bonnet being the only ones who like Michael in the beginning.) They're attached to each other so it's inevitable that they would hang around mikey.

• ft freddy plays really mean spirited jokes on michael bc he's not allowed to harm him. he has to get real creative. (ft freddy has a lot of anger inside of him. people write him off as being dumb and goofy but really that's just a mask that he put up so he didn't scare people away. of course the funtimes know how he is, knows who he is right to his core bc they're all connected on a deeper/technological level.)

• (slaps funtime freddy. this bear can fit so much trauma and abandonment issues in him!)

• can be incredibly vindictive when he wants to be and takes out a lot of his agression on Michael. michael shares the afton name (bc he sure as hell doesn't look like william in my au lol) and that alone is enough for ft freddy to bully him.

• (the funtimes blame william for abandoning them so ft freddy takes it especially personal when his ankle biter comes around to "liberate" them. and on some deeper level freddy is just terrified that michael will abandon them all, just like willy did. he never voices this of course. opting to show his apprehension and fear in a more destructive way, pushing Michael further away.)

• canon ft freddy: sinister but still goofy and knows how to have a good time

my ft freddy: goofy and repressed anger issues, doesn't know how to enjoy himself without causing someone some kinda pain.

• michael gets fed up with being terrorized eventually and confronts him, and ft freddy drops the silly act for a bit just ready to blow up at him. (he can't even place why he's still so angry at michael when really he's been nothing but hospitable and accomodating to their wants and needs but fuck he's just so wound up he doesn't know what to do) michael compares him to william during the argument (cruel and vindictive just like william wanted) and ft freddy nearly rings his neck, absolutely seething but bon bon doesnt let that happen of course. (idk if this is confirmed canon but bon bon was designed to placate freddy. he raises his voice even slightly and bon bon's petting his face, stopping him from getting even more agressive)

• ft freddy shuts down after the confrontation ends (emotionally, anyway) and the blow out itself is completely anti climatic, nobody getting hurt. he ends up isolating himself from the others with bon bon hovering around like a concerned mother hen. Baby and the others give him space but michael (after he cools down anyways) won't leave him alone.

• See the thing is: Michael understands. Michael understands more than anyone what it's like to feel so deeply, what it's like to hate and hate and to keep hating until that rage is your whole life. It's suffocating. and he had to deal with that all on his own, choking on his own grief and rage without anyone to guide him. (his brother is dead bc of him and he carries that with him everywhere he goes, in everything he does.)

• They're living in the countryside of France at this point in time, far off from any wandering eyes, a thick forest surrounding their home. Freddy has a few hiding spots that he scouted out within the first few days of staying there. And that's where Michael finds him, hiding out in a small alcove by the a creek, throwing rocks at the trees (and sometimes wildlife).

• freddy doesn't aknowledge him, ignoring him like a child would and bon bon frets nervously between them, not wanting another fight to break out. Michael tells them that he's not here to fight anymore, he just wants to talk. you like to talk, don't you? and freddy doesn't say anything, running his fingers through the dirt, absentmindedly.

• michael asks bon bon to leave so that they can have a private convo and bon bon freaks out like absolutely not, he might hurt you and michael asks freddy directly like "are you going to hurt me?" freddy still isn't talkative, and he's rigid when he shakes his head no after a bit of silence. Bon Bon asks if he's alright with him leaving and freddy just shrugs, still staring at nothing in the distance. bon bon hesitates for a few moments before finally leaving, telling Michael to call out to him if he's in danger but michael rushes him along.

• it's just them now, nothing but the sounds of nature around them. michael asks how he's feeling and freddy shrugs again. Michael strikes up a one sided conversation, stepping closer and closer to him over time not really getting any kinda response out of him but eventually, during his rambling, freddy finally looks at him and says "Y-You just don't get-get it." and then goes back to the silent treatment.

• Michael's quiet, having made his way up to standing right next to freddy (he's only a tiny bit taller than him when he's just sitting like that). he nods his head, considering something for a while until finally he goes "Did I ever tell you about what it was like? Ya know. Being William Afton's golden child?" freddy doesn't say anything but he pauses from drawing circles in the dirt, tilts his head just a fraction to let mikey know he's listening.

• michael stares at the creek. "He wasn't the most outwardly loving father. Wasn't really the nicest one, either. But, I wanted his approval so bad, I'd do anything for it." Freddy slowly turns his head to watch him carefully. that's got his attention. "I did a bunch of stupid shit back then, all cause I wanted to be noticed by him. But all that attention went to my little-" and michael draws in a sudden breath, pained. stays silent for a moment, working up the courage to speak. "I did something awful to my brother. All for my father. And it's an awful thing to say but his death didn't matter. Pops didnt bat an eye and Mom was too far gone by that point after Elizabeth...." he looks back in the direction of the cottage. "Well.... you know what happened to Elizabeth." Freddy's stare is hard and unyielding. "He's gone now and I was the only one who cared enough. His fuckin' abuser cared more for his passing than his own father did."

• "He threw me into the basement. Did you know that?" Michael bounces from one foot to another, anxiety written into his very bones. he's lost in his rambling now, having never spoken these words out loud to anyone. "I killed his son and he locked me away in the dark for three years." Freddy fully turns to give Michael his undivided attention, stock still, hanging off of his every word. "I got out. Eventually. I ran away and lived on the streets for years until someone got a hold of me. Told me my old man was missing, presumed dead. Got a pretty penny from the fazbear business he co-owned with Mr. Emily. Things were going good, I guess. I was overwhelmed for the most part, didn't do anything other than bounce around from hotels every few days. In some way, I felt like he was still out there, watching me. I just kept running. And then i found out about you." He glances at freddy and looks away quickly when he finds an unblinking visage staring back. "Found out about all of you. Locked away in a storage facility for over 30 years. In the dark. All alone." an incredibly long silence stretches out between them, freddy fidgeting, hyperaware of every noise going on around them.

• "You think I don't get it. But I do. I think I understand you more than anyone could." Michael's staring back at him, raw emotion across his face, eyes soft with empathy and that's what makes Freddy turn away from him. Suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't want to fight with you. Not you. Not Ballora, or Foxy, or Eli-" He visibly winces, but regains his composure. "...I just... need you to understand that I want to help."

• Freddy's never been so quiet, and it's such an odd sight. Michael's not sure if he should say anything else or if he should leave the bear alone. the bear speaks up, finally "W-We could've kill-killed you."

• "That was always a possibility, yeah. I woulda deserved it." Freddy's not sure if he likes the way Michael talks about himself sometimes. "I needed to get you guys out of there, though. That was more important than whatever could've happened to me." Michael huffs. "Besides, if I hadn't bailed you guys out then I would've never gone to Paris. Ballora has good taste in real estate, I think." and despite everything, freddy lets out a sudden breath that could've been mistaken for a sensible chuckle. Michael smiles anyway.

• Things settle down afterwards, though there's no bite to Freddy's jokes now. They're not as close as Michael wants, Freddy still keeping his distance, keeping his walls up but it's something.

• Freddy starts watching horror movies with him late into the night and until dawn. Doesn't let Michael sleep in afterwards and he might just regret this but it makes Freddy happy. Things go back to normal in the cottage, as normal as things can be for a motley troupe like them anyways. Michael starts laughing at his jokes more.

#funtime freddy #michael afton #ft freddy #fnaf #sorry for the long winded ramblings but i love these two and wanna develop them in thr au #long post #robot talks #funtime found family au

[wantaichi]

haikyuu + skincare hcs

ever think abt how they treat their skin? probably not. but like. do they wash their face like a normal person? have a 32 step skincare routine maybe??

msg me for any character who’s not here and i’ll drop their routine for u

masterlist.

karasuno

sugawara. lives up to his title as mr. refreshing. cleanses, tones, and moisturizes. !chefs kiss! keeps a jar of aloe vera face gel in his fridge, his mom had a spare. carries around a 100-sheet pack of oil film, more out of habit than of need. good skincare just makes him feel in control of his life, ok

ennoshita. fuckin’ spotless. part of the 0.0001% who don’t sweat easily. doesn’t have a complete regimen but never skips out on cleansing and toning before bed. actually reads the product ingredients and googles the benefits before buying. neutrogena type of guy. 

asahi. facial scrubs are his holy grail. like. dead skin? stubborn hair follicles? haha not on his watch ヾ( ･`⌓´･)���ﾞ trims his goatee every 3-4 week bc a well-groomed beard goes hand in hand with proper skincare. a sucker for aromatic products. lavender? shea butter? SOLD.

daichi. “healthy lifestyle is key to healthy skin“ typa dude. rly just thinks natural is the way to go. drinks 8 glasses of water, eats his veggies, exercises regularly, gets 8 hours of sleep. sounds like smth off wikihow if u ask me. probably is.

tsukishima. cetaphil hoe. brand loyalty embodied. on it for 5++ years, and never once considered switching. BUT. his routine ends at step 1. cleanse. and that’s it. the fuck he need a 32 step skincare routine for? long as he gets a day’s worth of grime and dirt off his face, he gucci

yamaguchi. sensitive skin’s got him constantly changing/exploring different products. rode on tsukki’s cetaphil agenda for the first few years of puberty (rly just out of curiousity) but dropped out when his skin got used to it. thinks pimple patches are a blessing to mankind.

tanaka. fuck. chaotic greasy. asks for oil film from suga just to stick it on his forehead, lets it stay there. uses whatever’s in the bathroom to wash off, aka majority of saeko’s products. got yelled at once to “get his greasy ass over here” and got slabbed with aztec healing clay mask. converted to clay mask hoe after 20 minutes. “mm this shit’s dope!”

nishinoya. fuck. chaotic greasy part ii. but make it baby face. only does skincare when chillin at the tanakas. homie got him to try the clay mask bc chick’s dig that. “bro, u mean the mask or boys who do the mask?” “both bro” “awshit bro gimme that” thinks splashing some water twice a week is enough

kageyama. ? this yalls mans? oblivious to the whole concept of skincare, only acknowledges general hygiene. uses whatever’s on the soap holder to wash his face. probably dove. doesnt really have much skin problems to begin with, only breaks out once a year. living proof that god has favorites.

hinata. only started taking skincare seriously that time a huge ass zit grew on his chin. yachi offered him her unfinished bottle of cosrx (she’s a hoarder and u kno it), and has since been giving him all her leftover bottles. basically gets to use good quality products for free smh

nekoma

kuroo. not very big on the idea of skincare per se, but supports any brand on that cruelty-free and vegan agenda. reads the product ingredients like a children’s book. “mm phenoxyethanol and retinyl palmitate.. i’ll take it.” always leaves the saleslady stunned.

kenma. too lazy to adopt a routine. but regularly uses his mom’s facial wash. you know. those mom brands. has a stash of facemasks from lev’s trip to korea —> only form of skincare he actually appreciates bc he can simultaneously play his games and be all bout dat self care 

lev. abuses his perks of having a sister. casually uses all alisa’s imported, high end stuff. la prairie. estee lauder. la mer. and she doesn’t mind bc her “levochka deserves all the finest things”. boujee ass russians

yaku. baby face. when god made it rain collagen, he was freestylin in a pool full of it while we was all sleepin. doesn’t exert much effort, just cleanses and tones bc it’s part of proper hygiene. girls envy him. parents in their 40s wanna be him. 

seijoh

oikawa. SKINCARE HOE KING. fuckin high maintenance. goes to the derma for his monthly laser facial treatment. on broke days, he settles for a diamond peel. skin so smooth it puts the entire female population to shame. spends his savings on those clinique eye creams. probably modeled for the face shop once

iwaizumi. homie reeks of male cleanser. might either dove men or nivea men. there’s no in between. oikawa internally screams everytime he witnesses his bff wash his face. two words. aggressive. rubbing. bordering on hostile he might actually skin his face off

mattsun and makki. fuck. drugstore cleansers. the ones that come in sachets. agreed to take turns in buying bundles for sharing. sometimes sneaks a pinch from oikawa’s clinique products when he’s not looking. haha dumb hoe. may have an addiction to charcoal nose pore strips just so they can compare blackheads

fukurodani

bokuto. buys whatever’s on sale idfk. genuinely wants to get on kuroo’s go green agenda but too lazy to look around the store. normally just uses the bubbles from his soap or shampoo. his belief: if it cleans his hands and his ass, then it can fuckin clean his face too

akaashi. healthy lifestyle + decent regimen = pretty skin. cleanses and tones. tried his mom’s aloe vera face gel once and got hooked. shit’s relaxing as hell. owns a bunch of facemasks, sometimes uses but keeps forgetting to take them off before falling asleep. uwu af

dateko

futakuchi. doesn’t have a routine cause “who tf needs that” and “obviously not me.” or so he says. secretly the biggest spender on skincare in all of dateko. owns a bunch of anti wrinkle products and probably one of those jade rollers. but no one needs to know that. just wants everyone to think he’s naturally pretty

aone. told by futakuchi that “knitting your brows too much causes premature wrinkles, but not like i’m an expert on that hhhahaha dont get me wrong.” can’t rly do anything bout it. he was born with that face. also buys whatever’s on sale

shiratorizawa

ushijima. surprisingly blemish free? but not entirely smooth? just spotless? basically a rock? never went past step 1: cleanse. never realized he’s been skipping out the 31 next steps. cetaphil hoe.

tendou. dry. crusty. compensates by sweating a lot through practice. might be effective if he’d stop leaving the foam on longer than recommended, thus leaving his skin dryer than his love life. yeah, i went there.

shirabu. flawless at first glance. until you lift those uneven ass bangs. tbh its nothing serious except “are we gonna ignore the fact that his whiteheads follow the shape of his bangs” as pointed out by tendou. uses whatever cleanser his mom buys for him

semi. decent skin care routine. a big boy who’s fairly knowledgeable on other brands outside cetaphil and dove/garnier/nivea men. takes him less than 5 minutes to pick a product bc he’s tried them all, knows what works, knows his skin type in and out. stan semi for clear skin.

see inarizaki + sakusa here

#actually #stan all of them for clear skin #oikawa goes to the derma and u cant convince me otherwise #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #hq #oikawa torū #akaashi keiji #kuroo tetsurou #tsukishima kei #kageyama tobio #sugawara koushi #tendou satori #kozume kenma #iwaizumi hajime #karasuno #nekoma #aoba johsai #dateko #shiratorizawa #hqscen@rio

[cinefairy]

I view myself as a failure to be honest. A liar and someone who struggles to do what others do easily. When it comes to others, I assume they are better unless proven otherwise. I see myself as inferior to everyone like a baby that people have to boss around and have to tell what to do. I feel like I’m stupid sometimes. I see myself as someone who can never make up their mind and I’m just here to please people. I feel like I have to do something in order to win the affection and attention. I feel like when I enter a room, no one turns their head unless I’m doing something fun or exciting and even at that, they look at my face and lose interest. I feel like someone who guys would be like “Eh, she’s a 3/10. Why would you ever let someone that ugly play you?” But I have this false delusion in my head that I’m pretty but everyone else thinks the opposite. I feel like that friend in the movies that everyone knows is dumb and ugly, but continues to lies to themselves to escape reality. I just feel like I’m lying when I’m confident because I mean look at me? Do I really have the right to feel confident when I look the way I look and act the way I act. I feel like the bitch that people force themselves to be around so she doesn’t get hurt when she figures out no one actually likes her. I feel like loser who never wins even when they try. I feel like someone who tries and tries just to be inferior to everyone around them. I feel like someone who is scared and instead of succeeding in the end, they were right and they end up failing like they thought they would. I feel like someone who struggles with shit that comes easy to everyone else. I feel like someone that’s only made to be a stepping stone for others and is only mean to “defend themselves”, but deep down they are just insecure. The opposite of THAT BITCH or an IT GIRL. I can never see myself in that light. More of the best friend or girl that follows the it girl around and follows her every move knowing she will never amount to the true IT GIRL. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and whatever higher power that’s out there (God) is laughing at me for attempting manifestation knowing I used it as an escape from Christianity. I mean how can I be the god of reality when I’m me? I’m just tasha. I can’t be a god when I’m this pathetic. I couldn’t even manifest a simple eye change and it’s been a year LMAO. I’ve seen others manifest what I want in days. I feel like I’ve made up manifestation in my head and I’m trying to use it with no concrete evidence besides success stories to make me feel better about my horrible life. But even if it was real, I will fall out of it like I did with everything else. Like I did with trying to journal or trying to workout because I’ll end up failing and lying to everyone and telling them I succeed so I look good. I feel like someone who fails and fails and someone who the universe is against LMAO or whatever higher power there is. If it was for me, why haven’t I gotten what I wanted? If I’m a god, why do I feel the way I do about myself? If I’m a god, why do I look the way I do? I don’t capture the beauty I’ve always wanted. I have a long face and droopy eyes THATS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ANYONE WANTS. And I know people will be like I wish I had your determination. No you don’t because it’s physically hurting me at this point. I keep failing and getting hurt and won’t take no until I finally snap and leave it forever. Until I snap and lie and tell others I finally succeeded. I can’t even decide on what I fucking what. What boss bitch doesn’t know what they want? My determination is all for nothing if I just end up failing and have to cover for myself by saying, “Oh yeah it totally worked out.” Ik self concept but what specifically do I affirm for self concept and how do I affirm it to make it feel natural?

trust me you’re not alone. ive had similar thoughts, ive had similar experiences, id recommend you ranting more, getting it all out because if you keep those emotions and feelings bottled in it will become worse.

work on your self concept first!! and to make it feel natural for you id recommend using words that you normally use on a daily basis. or complaining, complaining is rlly good too. we complain about bad things in life and we see how that comes into our reality..why not turn it around to something positive? “i hate how i look, i want to be like other girls” FUCK NO. change it to something like “i look goooddd way better than yesterday, other girls wanna be me lol thats why they dont turn their heads around they’re jealous” lol something like that idek. make it up as you go along!! make manifesting fun and normal for you, stop thinking affirming as a chore. have random daily convos with yourself on how you’re confident, love yourself etc. at first it might feel “unatural” but if you persist and persist and persist you think those thoughts automatically. affirm your self concept in areas which you feel are weaker so maybe for you it might be appearance, personality, self hatred/doubt. you deserve love, happiness, self love fill your mind with those, fill your mind with images (if you want) with all the things you love, your mind is like a house- make it as beautiful as you want and customise it!! and dont compare yourself to others tbh. it doesnt help at all. you are your own original beautiful person, who cares about the others, this is your reality isnt it? trust me you can do it. i believe in you..you actually have nothing to lose tbh. you have all this time to recreate yourself.

[somnilogical]

modular "ethics":

a wrong and two rights make a right

<<I've been known to cause outrage by suggesting that people who really care about something shouldn't have romantic relationships. Think what would happen if I dared to suggest that those people should also seriously consider getting castrated. That would be crazy! And who am I to suggest that basically everyone claiming to be doing good is faking it? Then people would feel bad about themselves. We can't have that!>>

https://squirrelinhell.blogspot.com/2018/02/men-have-women-are.html

previously i talked about an infohazard about altruism that seemed to fuck with grognor. it feels useful to pass by the dead and look at their lives and choices.

i dont think that castrating yourself is a good intervention for doing stuff you care about, like this is patchwork constraints for an unaligned optimizer. if you arent altruistically aligned from core values, castrating yourself wont make you more aligned.

the "altruists" having babies thing is actual insane and pasek is right about that. pretty much all of society will try and gaslight you about this the way sometimes people are gaslit about "i need to have sex with lots of attractive fems to keep up my moral so i can do super good stuff afterwards.". like if people want to do good for the world it will flow out as a continuous expression of value not some brent dill kind of deal that institutions like CFAR accepted until there was too much social pressure for them to maintain this facade.

the entire premise that morality is this modular thing and you can help set the utility function of an FAI while being a terrible person, is wrong. yet organizations like CFAR keep thinking it will work out for them:

<<We believe that Brent is fundamentally oriented towards helping people grow to be the best versions of themselves. In this way he is aligned with CFAR’s goals and strategy and should be seen as an ally.

  In particular, Brent is quite good at breaking out of standard social frames and making use of unconventional techniques and strategies. This includes things that have Chesterton’s fences attached, such as drug use, weird storytelling, etc. A lot of his aesthetic is dark, and this sometimes makes him come across as evil or machiavellian.

  Brent also embodies a rare kind of agency and sense of heroic responsibility. This has caused him to take the lead in certain events and be an important community hub and driver. The flip side of this is that because Brent is deeply insecure, he has to constantly fight urges to seize power and protect himself. It often takes costly signalling for him to trust that someone is an ally, and even then it’s shaky.

  Brent is a controversial figure, and disliked by many. This has led to him being attacked by many and held to a higher standard than most. In these ways his feelings of insecurity are justified. He also has had a hard life, including a traumatic childhood. Much of the reason people don’t like him comes from a kind of intuition or aesthetic feeling, rather than his actions per se.

  Brent’s attraction to women (in the opinion of the council) sometimes interferes with his good judgement. Brent knows that his judgement is sometimes flawed, and has often sought the help of others to check his actions. Whether or not this kind of social binding is successful is not obvious.>>

https://pastebin.com/fzwYfDNq

<<AnnaSalamon 2/6/09, 5:54 AM

Aleksei, I don’t know what you think about the current existential risks situation, but that situation changed me in the direction of your comment. I used to think that to have a good impact on the world, you had to be an intrinsically good person. I used to think that the day to day manner in which I treated the people around me, the details of my motives and self-knowledge, etc. just naturally served as an indicator for the positive impact I did or didn’t have on global goodness.

(It was a dumb thing to think, maintained by an elaborate network of rationalizations that I thought of as virtuous, much the way many people think of their political “beliefs”/clothes as virtuous. My beliefs were also maintained by not bothering to take an actually careful look either at global catastrophic risks or even at the details of e.g. global poverty. But my impression is that it’s fairly common to just suppose that our intuitive moral self-evaluations (or others’ evaluations of how good of people we are) map tolerably well onto actual good consequences.)

Anyhow: now, it looks to me as though most of those “good people”, living intrinsically worthwhile lives, aren’t contributing squat to global goodness compared to what they could contribute if they spent even a small fraction of their time/money on a serious attempt to shut up and multiply. The network of moral intuitions I grew up in is… not exactly worthless; it does help with intrinsically worthwhile lives, and, more to the point, with the details of how to actually build the kinds of reasonable human relationships that you need for parts of the “shut up and multiply”-motivated efforts to work… but, for most people, it’s basically not very connected to how much good they do or don’t do in the world. If you like, this is good news: for a ridiculously small sum of effort (e.g., a $500 donation to SIAI; the earning power of seven ten-thousandths of your life if you earn the US minimum wage), you can do more expected-good than perhaps 99.9% of Earth’s population. (You may be able to do still more expected-good by taking that time and thinking carefully about what most impacts global goodness and whether anyone’s doing it.)>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/4pov2tL6SEC23wrkq/epilogue-atonement-8-8

like opposing this isnt self-denying moral aestheticism or a signalling game of how good you can look (credibly signalling virtue is actually a good thing, i wish more people did it by for instance demonstrating how they win in a way that wouldnt work if they werent aligned. whose power seeded from their alignment.). its like... the alternative where people do things that it makes no sense for an altruist to do and then say that when they go to their day jobs they are super duper altruistic they swear; compartmentalizing in this way ...doesnt actually work.

people who want to obscure what altruism looks like will claim that this is moving around a social schelling point for who is to be ostracized. and that altruism as a characteristic of a brain isnt a cluster-in-reality that you can talk about. because it will be coopted by malicious actors as a laser to unjustly zap people with. these people are wrong.

both EA and CFAR are premised on some sort of CDT modular morality working. it is actually pretending to do CDT optimization because like with brent at each timestep they are pretending to think "how can we optimize utility moving forward?" (really i suspect they are just straight up mindcontrolled by brent, finding ways to serve their master because they used force and the people at CFAR were bad at decision theory) instead of seeking to be agents such that brent when brents plans to predate on people ran through them, he would model it as more trouble than it was worth and wouldnt do this in the first place.

CFAR and EA will do things like allowing someone to predate on women because they are "insightful" or creating a social reality where people with genetic biases who personally devote massive amounts of time and money to babies who happen to be genetically related to them and then in their day job act "altruistically". as long as it all adds up to net positive, its okay right?

but thats not how it works and structures built off of this are utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life. in just the same way that "scientists" who when they arent at their day jobs are theists are an utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life.

<<Maybe we can beat the proverb—be rational in our personal lives, not just our professional lives. We shouldn’t let a mere proverb stop us: “A witty saying proves nothing,” as Voltaire said. Maybe we can do better, if we study enough probability theory to know why the rules work, and enough experimental psychology to see how they apply in real-world cases—if we can learn to look at the water. An ambition like that lacks the comfortable modesty of being able to confess that, outside your specialty, you’re no better than anyone else. But if our theories of rationality don’t generalize to everyday life, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not a different universe inside and outside the laboratory.>>

--

to save the world it doesnt help to castrate yourself and make extra super sure not to have babies. people's values are already what they are, their choices have already been made. these sort of ad-hoc patches are what wrangling an unaligned agent looks like. and the output of an unaligned agent with a bunch of patches, isnt worth much. would you delegate important tasks to an unaligned AI that was patched up after each time it gave a bad output?

it does mean that if after they know about the world and what they can do, people still say that they specifically should have babies, i mark them as having a kind of damage and route around them.

someone not having babies doesnt automatically mark them as someone id pour optimization energy into expecting it to combine towards good ends. the metrics i use are cryptographically secure from being goodharted. so i can talk openly about traits i use to discern between people without worrying about people reading about this and using it to gum up my epistemics.

[peachpeachtea]

Region base leaders/apprentices

I briefly mentioned the leaders and their kiddos on the last post so we’re gonna get into them now here we goooo (excuse the old art on my part i dont have time to make new refs--also all artists/contributors will be tagged accordingly) 

Lark Base--Base Leader, Cadi--Apprentice, Marna  Cadi: She’s the youngest of the 6 base leaders stationed in Asnia (At 20), and the most temperamental. She values hard work and independence, and despises it when people try to coddle or underestimate her abilities. While she runs a tight ship, she tends to be brash, LOUD, and impatient overall,--she’s self assured and very much carries her pride for everyone to see. Her partner is a Dubwool, Clementine, and in her spare time, Cadi has a herd of Wooloo that she takes care off and is v e ry protective over--she often spends nights taking care of them and making sure no trespassers startle the sheepies (and if she catches anyone they get whacked with her staff at BEST--her neighbors aren’t unaccustomed to hearing loud, Galarian swearing in the middle of the night). On that note: she has a really bad sailor mouth. 

Marna: Similar to how Cadi is the youngest of the leaders, Marna is the youngest of the current apprentices in the region. She has a curious nature, and is a bit of an energetic busy bee, who rarely has time or patience to sit down/relax--she’s constantly working on something or another, whether it’s helping Cadi do paperwork (see: doing it for her because Cadi is incapable of filing decent paperwork and Marna cannot stand disorganization), or working in her normal duties. Her work ethic is, in a word, unreal, and that’s one of the reasons why Cadi values her so much as an apprentice and friend. Marna tends to be a bit picky and stuffy, but she thrives in her work and loves helping people. She’s the one to ask the most questions/the one to have the most answers. She’s also loves birds!! Swablu, Cirrus, is a testament to that. She loves him and he can usually be seen perched on her head sleeping. 

-------- Cypress Base--Base Leader, Hades--Apprentice, Lethe  Hades: The leader of the north mountain base, Hades is a confident transman who leads with a rather cool head. In his past he was a very feared individual known as "Hel, ruler of hell" due to his grip on the gang life of the region. He's done things he's not proud of and would likely never talk about. A skilled climber and dedicated to his job and training of his partner Drednaw Cerberus-- he's just a supportive dad figure. Has known Russell for many years, and as mentioned, is a sort of father figure to Lethe. 

(Hades and his art belongs to @edwardsbraid btw!)  Lethe: The least energetic of the apprentices, Lethe is a troubled but soft hearted boy who didn’t intend to become a Ranger at all--he was living by himself with no income for years, on account of having no parents to speak of (abandonment issues ahoy)--his recommendation to the academy was a complete accident, but the school had free boarding and it gave him a purpose, so he took the opportunity while he had it. While he loves what he does, and has made two good friends out of this, he’s struggling to come to terms with his issues and struggles to keep up with his peers.  He tends to be a trouble magnet, so the plot hammer will not be kind to him umu. He’s a bit indecisive, timid and an easy crier, but he genuinely loves pokemon/people and wants to be of use to everyone somehow. He’s not much of a logistical thinker but he’s definitely not a push over physically, which comes in handy--he has no partner pokemon for plot reasons that i will reveal later. 

---------- Red Oak Base (Base is still in development so this portion is likely to be updated in the future)--Base Leader, Bridget--Apprentice, Alex

Bridget: Bridget- A senior base leader with a strong sense of morality and an attitude to back it, she has no trouble rearing in even the most stubborn of rangers. Only the most confident and worthy are able to perform an apprenticeship under her and are expected to take over all Union duties alongside the Base Leader role. In times of peace and outside of work, she enjoys quiet days in her cottage with her trusted Luxray (Queenie) and looking after her Granddaughter Fraise. Her base is integral to communications between the south and north sides of Asnia Rangers, because geographically it’s in the exact center of the region (and her area has the best weather of the two sides). This is typically where all the leaders and apprentices meet up for important meetings and such. 

  Alex: Bridget’s apprentice and a stubborn lad--he and Bridget are often bickering with each other. He’s a dumb little hothead who likes to challenge people and bicker with his mentor. He and her fight like siblings and poke fun at each other’s age (he calls her Granny). Will do things just because someone says he can’t (IE try to lift a log twice his size just because someone said he couldn’t), eagerly and affectionately combative. Possibly has a crush on one of the other apprentices but umu thats a topic for later. 

(Both Alex and Bridget belong to @humanblt​!)

--------- Willow Base--Leader, Russell, Apprentice-- Hestia  Russell:  A former violent tempered and loud mouthed delinquent, used to be Hades literal partner in crime and has been his close friend for many years--eventually, after some personal events that i’ll get into later, Russell got tired of his crime sprees. He has since turned over a new leaf and is a quiet, amicable young man who wouldn't hurt a fly--he’s determined to get as far away from his past as possible, to the point where he dropped his real name and decided to go by Russell. He refuses to hurt people if the need isn't dire, and has been labeled as a weenie for his pacifistic behavior/even temper. While soft hearted, he can be stern, and isn’t afraid to be tough when needed. Dearly loves his town and his new life as a peacekeeper. Terrified of ghosts/creepy places (ironic because he works in the spooky part of Asnia--the local ghost types like to pick on him). Usually seen helping old ladies across the street and chopping fire wood--very sensitive about his age and scarred face, and cries when someone points out a gray hair. Has a Corviknight, Cobalt, who is usually perched at the top of the base. In charge of keeping people out of the deeper part of the woods behind his town. Has a long term crush on Carys and clams up when she's around.

(art done as a collaborative by me and  roseheart-exe)  Hestia: Hestia is a cryptic but very sweet and dedicated girl from regions unknown. She often gives off the vibes that she knows more than she lets on, and often speak in riddles or vague non sequiturs. Locals tend to be unnerved by her general disposition, comparing her to a “ghost, at best”. She hates fire, is creeped out by dolls of any sort, and is easy to startle, despite her best efforts to appear calm and collected. Hestia tries to be kind and amiable, and loves her few friends very deeply, but she’s incredibly stubborn and refuses help when she needs it. Her upbringing made her a firm believer in self reliance. She dislikes people who pry or ask too many questions, and worries over others constantly. She looks up to Russell as a mentor and is especially close to him. Her Pokemon is a Lampent, Chandelle (Chandy). She’s never seen without her hat or her lantern, which glows very dimly--she’s very possessive of them and avoids questions regarding either. Incredibly difficult to make her cry: some people are convinced she can’t. Very sensitive, feelings hurt easily--May or may not be pining after one of her base colleagues, who we will get to in another post. Tends to go “Teehee” when dodging questions or lying. Cadi’s current greatest enemy, because Hestia wanders at night and has accidentally startled her sheep on multiple occasions. 

------- Seabream Base--Leader, Ripley--Apprentice, Melanie  Ripley: Ripley: A beachside base leader!! Very beautiful, but also very terrifying to many. She broke a man’s arm once, and while the context has been lost to time, the reputation she got from it remains strong. Isn’t afraid to flex her reputation when it suits her. Has a mermaid-esque beauty that has earned her a fan club. Her base members are her family, and she is a fierce mama bear when it comes to protecting them. Has a Sharpedo, Shin. Became close with Hestia after a few plot related happenings. 

(Ripley and her art belong to @nimikyu​!)  Melanie: A bright and upbeat former lounge singer working under Ripley, loves nothing more than making people smile and smiling in return. Incredibly patient and impossible to piss off, and loves writing letters to her friend in Pinnate base and sending her little gifts. Tends to be a bit oblivious when not working, often described as having her head in the clouds. Takes her job more seriously than she lets on, and works incredibly hard to meet her Leader’s standards--she admires Ripley more than anyone--Melanie also is incredibly popular because of her former status as a singer so she gets way more attention that she bargained form--but she’s an entertainer at heart and tourists love her, which is why she’s in charge of them/in charge of making sure they don’t wander places they shouldn’t. Has a Wingull, Rio, who sometimes delivers her letters. Makes necklaces as a hobby. 

------- Pinnate Base--Leader, Carys--Apprentice, Rudy  Carys: Cadi’s older sister--A mild mannered, surprisingly strong young woman from Galar. Much calmer and levelheaded than her baby sister, although, sometimes she's too calm, and can come off as overly-relaxed and airheaded. An incredible swimmer, she also works part time as a life guard in her spare time. Cheerful and smiley, eager to help, spends alot of time with the local kids/local elders. (Not to say that she doesnt have a temper, because if you set her off you'll be subjected to Cadi 2.0). Tries to offer help to her sister often, only to be vehemently refused over and over. Can beat all the sailors in her town at arm wrestling, wears sunscreen on her face to encourage others to do the same. Runs a very tight ship and values teamwork and bonding. Has a Swampert, Johanna, who helps keep an eye on the weather/preform water rescues. Vocally skeptic about the supernatural, as an important side note. 

(Fantastic art done by @bastart13​ !! check their art out its gorgeous)

Rudy (bio will be updated periodically)!: A bit of a no nonsense, kind of moody boy--He has alot of respect for Carys in particular because he tends to be blunt and she's the only one who isn’t phased by it and doesnt let it affect her opinion of him. He reminds her alot of Cadi, so she's used to it and knows how to handle the teenage angst. Has a Sandyghast, Gobi! Sometimes Gobi loses their shovel and has a little flag instead. 

(This little man belongs to @liimonpriince​)!  And that’s the gist for all the major protags--supporting cast will come next, and then we’ll get to the bad guys :) 

#Pokemon ranger #peach rambles #ocs #region stuff #holy moly this took so loooooooooooooong #but here as i promised #more region stuff yeehaw #hopefully i didnt miss anything

[ssj4]

Sorry to bother you, but I keep seeing posts about a future Goten AU and I keep getting really curious! However, when I try to find links to anything about it I end up at some abandoned URLs.

SECOND TIME TRYING TO ANSWER THIS CAUSE MY IDIOT ASS FORGOT I HAD ONE TYPED OUT AND CLOSED EVERYTHING :)

some disclaimers im getting most of this from an old draft i had written about the au, i havent watched the specific scenes in dbz and dbs that these are based on in well over 2+ years so i dont remember the timeline of events that well so im sorry if some of it just straight up doesnt make sense lol

this whole thing did start out as an excuse to replace the romantic scenes with mai in dbs with goten actually so the truten themes are pretty significant but that aside future goten is a very good boy with a much different personality and outlook on things… much like how future trunks is compared to his main timeline counterpart :3c the whole thing was developed by me and my gf together and we never rly posted too much about it and the broken links you did end up finding were probably from like the one or two times we did but here u go im glad u asked 

I HOPE THE READ MORE LINK WORKS ON MOBILE IF NOT IM SORRY

the big change is it starts out with chi chi getting pregnant before goku dies of heart disease or whatever in the android saga instead of the cell saga, so even after he dies in that timeline she still has their 2nd son and he grows up in the future timeline with trunks.

when they were kids (like 10-15) goten was stronger than trunks just bc gohan and chi chi were there to teach him just a little bit. trunks and goten sparred a lot though so he was able to keep up but never really passed him. (that part isnt really important but i figured it was a nice detail that made sense)

thats when history of trunks comes into play, and they both get really serious about gohan training them. the scene in the movie where gohan knocks trunks out before flying off and getting killed is the same except now he just knocks out 2 kids instead of 1 i guess. 

i feel i gotta add that this au was created when the future trunks arc in dbs was airing, and mai was introduced as his love interest, and honestly in my opinion the scenes were written really well but i just wasnt digging the fact that before she was granted a younger appearance she was already middle aged, like she was old enough to be his mom if that makes sense. so it really isnt a dig on mai at all cause i love her and id die for her its just the romantic plot that i didnt like. so when that was airing i thought “WELL what if that was someone else” 

she’s still with them though in this timeline and she still has her younger appearance! 

the future timeline is still progressing the same as it did in canon, the androids still wrecked the place and no one was strong enough to do much about it so trunks is still set up with a time machine to meet with the other timeline. goten stays back and does his best to protect everyone while hes gone just in case

some stuff happens in between here but skip ahead to trunks coming back from the trip after the cell games i guess! lots of stuff happened obviously like trunks literally dying, spending years in the time chamber with his dad, meeting a whole gaggle of clowns that he’d only heard stories about, seeing gohan as a preteen. hes got a lot of stuff to share!!! now hes back and he can take care of the androids + cell + and goten can catch up and lifes pretty good over there! 😇

during the rebuilding period goten would spend a lot of time with chi-chi and ox-king and still slept over there occasionally which she really appreciated, and he invited trunks and bulma over there with him frequently.

despite this he wasnt present when she died as no one really expected goku black to wipe out the landscape so far from the city, but she and ox-king died along with more than half of the population. (ugh god im so sorry queen i love you😓)

as i said before mai is still here and she’s still the leader of the resistance!

events of future bulmas death is the same as well as mai originally intending to go with trunks when they meet up together in an abandoned building. goten is already there as the three of them rest up a bit and start making their way to capsule corp. goten was planning on staying behind anyways but he wanted to see the two of them off. when goku black interrupts them as they arrive, trunks and goten encourage mai to escape, seeing as she only has a gun and everyone already knows bullets arent gonna work. 

this scene is the same as it was in canon, where trunks tries to rush black but gets beaten quickly. mai trying to buy him time to let him escape is replaced with goten actually fighting him and taking a hit for trunks but getting knocked out as mai did. trunks under extreme stress from already losing his mom today assumes hes dead instantly, (he has dumb bitch disease, he didnt even check for a pulse in canon!🤔) and fires a masenko to escape into capsule on his own 

after trunks pops back in time and black is focused on searching for him, mai sneaks back in to retrieve goten (even though they told her to leave she really just ducked behind some rubble and stayed close, because she wasnt just gonna leave them!)

she takes him back to an underground bunker with other members of earths resistance and when he wakes up she tells him that trunks made it to the time machine and that hes presumably in the other timeline now. 

idk if yall remember it well but i rewatched some of the episodes just for this, and trunks in the main timeline believing goten was killed and mai is alone and he wont be able to get back is so sad. and when he spent that day with gohan and his family and cried thinking about how if black hadn’t have shown up, he couldve had a family too… he doesnt deserve to be this sad 😥

skip to when he’s finally able to get back home with goku and vegeta with him and they make their way to the bunker where he sees mai and goten together! the scene in canon where he rushes over and starts spilling his heart out is the same, with him telling goten he thought he died

they get a really sweet hug moment here when theyre both happy to see the other is still safe and it gives both goku and vegeta some Food For Thought, because goku actually didnt know there was a goten in this timeline, and he doesnt really recognize him at first. vegeta has the idea in his head that this is probably goten.

goten never really had any sort of real attachment to his dad. it makes sense hes never met him, hes only ever really heard about him through others, (his mom, his brother, trunks, and probably bulma has mentioned him as well) so he definitely knows OF him its just that, he doesnt know him. so when he sees the real goku standing there for once a lot of thoughts run though his mind, like, “that looks A LOT like goku black!” “thats definitely my old hairstyle” and “holy shit is that my dad?” but the first thing he actually says out loud is “Holy shit its goku orange” and vegeta really almost loses it because cause any doubt in his mind about this kid being related to kakarot just went right out the window cause only someone related to him would say that

and as you probably know a lot happens after that with them all finding a way to defeat zamasu but i dont want to include all of the rest when you can probably just interpret which scenes were changed  

ANYWAYS now instead of trunks surviving the apocalypse its trunks and goten surviving the apocalypse. thats why its not a really super romantic deal like Who has time for dates when goku black Might possibly be hiding in this abandoned olive garden?? so theyre just very close and privately affectionate

the ending where trunks and mai get to live in a new world with their counterparts is the same except gotens there with them of course, dbs left their ending pretty open 

so that takes care of the story changes, heres some additional details and information on gotens character in this au! 

heres his design, drawn by my girlfriend @ssj2 uwu !! 

he kept his natural hairstyle for a while, but i think he changed it sometime during the rebuilding period after the androids and just let it grow out a bunch. up until then he kept his natural style purely to honor the guy he’s heard so fondly of even if it brought him a lot of mixed feelings when people said he looks just like him. a really distinct feature about his new hairstyle is that the spikes look like horns and i love that a lot !!

and the shawl he wears was the same one chi chi wore 

some personality traits for future goten is that he has a habit of bottling up his negative emotions and has trouble taking care of himself, as hes always more focused on the well being of his loved ones. he can be mischievous and cocky but hes not overconfident (or he hasnt been since gohans death) however in some situations he can be charismatic and assertive which works really well imowhen their timeline is erased and theyre temporarily in the main timeline, goten gets to meet a bunch of people like gohan and his family, chi chi, and even his counterpart 

sorry if this post was messy i wasnt really sure how i wanted to make it look and im kinda bad at dumping information out so if any of its confusing just redirect me to it and ill try again gdjfksjdgsfk 😭❤

hmmm anyways thank u for reading!! its an au we made years ago and we love a lot and i hope u do too! be nice pls!! and send asks about it if you’d like cause its fun to think about! 

#future goten au #goten #trunks #truten #i GUESS. im shy #long post #made an edit cause i rewatched the android saga a few days ago and i forgot trunks fucking died lol #tumblr stop deleting my tags challenge

[cute-aggression-9]

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. to many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. everyone has their own god damn opinions on every damn thing and you may be saying "well what makes you so different?". because I have something only me and V have, SELF AWARENESS, Call it exortenstiolism or whatever the fuck u want. we know what are to this world and what everyone else is. we learn more than what caused the civil war and how to simplify quadratics in school. we have been watching you people. we know what you think and how you act, all talk and no actions. people who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on fucking accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions little and points of view and peoples' own little agendas and shedules. this isnt a world anymore, its H.O.E. and [no]one knows it. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader. well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff. or acts diff. ... They got that from something they saw on TV or in film or in life. no originality, how many JO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. Its a fucking filthy place we live in. all these standards and laws and Great Expectations (webb) are making people into robots even though they might "think" they arent and try to deny it. no matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone I still AM! except for this fucking piece of paper right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say. I say spell it how it sounds, it's the fuckin easiest way. hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask "why?" eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. they will end up saying words to this "because! Just shut up!" people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot, what fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adics, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter. GEEEAWD! people spend millions of dollars on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don't buy that shit like "oh hes my son though!" so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him, put him out his misery. he is only a waste of time and money, then people say "But he is worth the time, he is human too" no he isnt, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking waste and burden he was. -- 4/10/98   as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else. I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. Ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (I.E. parents, cops, God, teachers) telling me what to [arrow points to do, think, say, act, and everything else] just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was, having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anymore in the fucking welt in terms of universal Intelligence and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just "ßUCK DICH" and saugen mein Hund! Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free, I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. BTW, "sorry" is just a word. it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. put them in a doom world. no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what "cation" means, you die! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [Censored by J.C.Sheriff Office] who rely on others or on sympathy or $ to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world. no one is worthy of this planet only me and who ever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I saw should be left behind. 4/12/98 ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for these who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of turning all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause "thats what its like". well god damit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts. so why don't we?  people go on day by day. rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the "real world is like" well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual "real world". its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans. if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont. I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. "man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness" - Based on Lem's quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK, and people say things like, "oh it was so tragic," or "oh he is crazy!" or "It was bloody!" I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean everyfuckingthing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone doesnt like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you probly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are sooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well god damit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt "right" or "morally accepted" NO, NO, NO GOD FUCKING DAMIT NO!I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill who ever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and i fyou pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you. because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over, but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me. like [Censored by J.C. Sheriff Office] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered  -- 4/21/98 The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs, and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. they waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. the human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless discraceful TV shows on (scratched out) and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre "supposed to" so that drains or filters out a little bit of human nature. but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even though you may think differently, you still must to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass. society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school, laws, jobs, and parents do If they realize it or not and them, the few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or lunatics or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading.. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and goverments are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of pure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking "hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other goverments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world" and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I'm to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all -- 5/6/98   It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn't worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like "dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight" you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit [illegible] wear. its funny, people say "you shouldn't be so different." to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn't be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be "original-copycats", I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; "normal" or "civilized" - see tempest and Caliban.  allyou degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90's society. "what? you AREN'T going to college, are you are crazy!" holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I'll get lucky and you'll step back to far like Nick in Elm3. w/ the same concequence.  -- 5/9/98  wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for exellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things. anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed "unusual" or weird or crazy. people want to be a part of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out = they had fault = they failed = their ideas didnt work. humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quicker/easier. people always say we shouldnt be racist. why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not they are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck you, we should ship yer black asses back to Afri-fucking-ca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays....well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed.  mit keine fragen. lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn't think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. -- 5/20/98   If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a "final solution" to the Jewish problem... kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, "K I L L  M A N K I N D" no one should survive. we all live in lies. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws.   you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of the shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they'll say "ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won." you see! it's fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if onlu some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless. fuck mercy fuck justic fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws... DIE manmade words...people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math. deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then... you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! - 6/12/98- KEIN MITLEID "when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy" - Fly 9/2/98 wait mercy doesnt exist....   heres something to chew on....: today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think "damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass." for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation.... then I realized, "hey, this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control. but me, I see all... you can only blind me for so long. but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell, maybe even [censored]. If can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote-unquote "civilized, developed, and known-of" places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, I'll think about that. eh. done for tonight -REB- 6/13/98   As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think.  Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choice. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn't expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk. one could think it was a "miracle" that she wasnt hit. you see, anything and everything that happens in our world is just that, a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer, but yet we try to have a "universal law" or "code" of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn't be allowed to do that. we arent GODS. just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be "judges" of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can "think" and "believe" you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. "morale" is just another word. and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off, and since humans have the ability to choose... and I'm human... I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to so take that. fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only Nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I chose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up! -REB- 7/29/98     someones bound to say "what were they thinking?" when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. "I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH or FS or demons, so It's either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings." keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weaponry, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the AlIENS books, I aint going out without a fight. Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attacks, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair... not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel, too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks.... oh man that would be beautiful. -- 10/23/98   you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie a lot. almost constant. and to everybody, just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way (side note) I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told; "yeah I stopped smoking," "for doing it not for getting caught," "no I'm havent been making more bombs," "no I wouldn't do that," and of course, countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else. because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are probly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die, but hey, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98   heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and one and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnopps, puckers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM. got up at 10, went to safeway got some donouts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of Tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I'll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too! 11/8/98   Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I'll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I'm some person who would go on a shooting spree.... fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn't have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me... constantly... therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I'll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms! 11/12/98   HATE! I'm full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats good for em. yes I hate and I guess I want others to know it, yes I'm racist and I don't mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened before, and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis too... by the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn't have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yeah something. its all DOOMed god damnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I'm showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it'll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable... but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I'll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn't have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did... so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right... true... correct... perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe that'll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh... weisses fleisch! dein weisses fleisch emegt mich soo... Ich bin dech nur ein gigilo! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh... the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair; jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist... BJ ist mir egal. I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on. I couldnt stop staring. and others like [censored] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to overpower and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now... the salty sweat, the animalistic movement... Iccchhh... lieeebe...... fleisccchhhh. who can I trick into my room first? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then "fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside" as Reznor said. oh... thats something else... that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell... actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and yank the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping, ahh... so much to do and so little chances. -- 11/17/98 "weisses fleisch" - perfect - song - for - me   Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga. shotgun, a pump action 12ga. shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4 - 10 round clips for the carbine. we....... have.... GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHA! neener! Booga Booga. heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll there till tomorrow... after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad. we would done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but, alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my "flask". that really disappoints me. [censored] I know you thought it was good for me... in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? god damn flask, that just fucked me over big time. now you all will be on my ass even more than before about being on track. I'll get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone then thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for, THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door because of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike. I have confidence in my ability to dese(cei)ve people. hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ug, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, I'll continue tomorrow. 11/22/98   yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy, and hopefully I'll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun "Arlene" after Arlene Sanders from the DOOM books. She always did love the shotgun. Vodka's DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn't my thing, but It felt good to just have around. that argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember "what the hell am I gonna do now man?! what am I gonna do!?" thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too. and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine, It would have given me a reason to do good. and I would never drink and drive, either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading.... hell yeah! We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 200$ real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too. 12/3/98   Woohoo, I'll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I'll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I'm gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave then there to go off, without any fucking Jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin. 12/17/98   heh, get this. KMFDM's new album is entitled  "Adios" and it's release date is in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final "Adios" tribute to Reb and Vodka. thanks KMFDM... I ripped the hell outa the system 12/20/98  jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank god I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WOOHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I'll have enough. now I just need to get Vodka another gun. 12/29/98   Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I'm trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I'm nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don't fucking say, "well thats your fault" because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo. 4/3/99

[tumblunni]

Man the manga makes it look so fun to be a Nobody!

I really marvel at how they captured the uncanny nature of the enemy Nobodies?? Cos seriously the whole point of them is that they look humanoid but move in really inhuman ways. And each individual enemy type has its own unique mannerisms for this, but in general its like..slugs? I'm pretty sure its slugs?? They stretch and squish and wiggle around and its like pretty much EXACTLY how medicinal leeches move, but thats a very underrated animal so its probably more likely it was slugs or worms. Like 'hey lets exaggerate slugs' but BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT FATEFUL WIGGLIER SLUG DOES TRULY EXIST. And i love their cutie patoot lil faces. And the world needs to appreciate them more!

...ok im getting offtopic but you get the gist of what i mean. The basic Dusk enemies are vaguely humanoid things with their arms and legs tapering off into sticklike points, and they either wiggle them around like leech heads or hold their arms behind them naruto run style and use their entire body as a leech! Like its more likely that they pick up stuff by wrapping around it like a snake, rather than just using hands?? And also they can fly and stick to ceilings and just generally have loads of fun?? And look really pretty?? And some of the other more complex nobodies look even cooler doing their weird wiggle flying. Like the Assassin type have these weird big metal petal shapes on their arms that flutter like feathers and make them look like winged snakes crossed with.. Kites...? Kites made of kimonos? Being worn by a man with no face..?

SERIOUSLY WHO DESIGNED THESE FUNKY THINGS THEYRE SO UNIQUELY GENIUS

And aaa the Days manga has a REALLY good panel showing a big swarm of them in flight and it just looks SO MAGICAL AND SPOOKY! this is the exact kind of Aesthetically Nutso Ghost Monster Person i wish i could be! The manga is so cool at iimplying the same sense of inhuman motion by drawing them like motion tweens? Like theyre warped into wildly different body shapes in every panel and its just SO CREEPY and SO BADASS and SOMETIMES KINDA MAJESTIC AND ENDEARING EVEN! And this big flight scene has EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL ONE drawn with its own different pose and mannerisms and like man every one of these weird squiggle flights looks like a world of fun to do!! God i love when superpowers actually look FUN, yo! It fuckin sucks that theyre just low level enemies and not ever playable. The only Nobodies that are playable or even get a big amount of screentime in cutscenes are the ones that ACTUALLY look humanoid and also move humanoid and BOOOO have zero traits of the monster theyre supposed to be. Like man just give me a whole game playing a lil bebby Nobody flying around! They remind me of the wanderers in Journey, they'd be so well suited to a chilled out exploration game like that.

And AAAAAA i get so sad thinking about how they're like bebbys!!! Noooo! Why do we not have more sympathy for them?? Like the particular way they write their 'bumbling weak enemy' scenes just comes off more like..well..sad thoughts about what happens when you lose your heart. Cos i mean the series really doesnt dwell much on the implications of the fact every single one of them used to be human! And whenever they're not being given orders by the higher ups in the organization, theyre just shown wiggling around flying in circles for fun, like a shoal of fish. They're so inhuman now, aside from vague resembelance in their appearances. They'd be seen as the cute wpodland critters in a disney princess musical number if they werent designated as monsters! Like they're not just 'dumb', they friggin dont remember how to talk anymore. And in their most memorable scene they dont understand the order "find this person" and can be easily tricked by photos of him. "Yes boss here is roxas he's a little more flatter than usual but here he is!" And they just keep gathering hundreds of the same person and never once cotton on to anything being wrong. Its so cute and also scary?? Cos seriously they are such eldritch monstrosities of fragmented soul that they move on to STEALING THE WORD PHOTOGRAPH. Just plucking it right out of the language! Failing so hard that you warp the laws of reality! I feel sorry for the poor lil guys, you definately cant say they didnt try as hard as possible!

AND SERIOUSLY THATS ALSO A COMMON TRAIT IN THE MANGA

I'm just so happy that they gave a bit more sympathy to the low level enemies because seriously WHO GIVES SUCH A GOOD DESIGN TO A LOW LEVEL ENEMY AND THEN BARELY EVER USES THEM FOR ANY SCENES

They actually give some sorts of pseudo dialogue to them?? Like during the kh2 prologue they show roxas being able to psychically perceive their thoughts while theyre trying to kidnap him. And its just so sympathetic and sad in retrospect?? They did a great job amplifying everything about this sequence because they made the Nobodies look so much scarier, made Roxas's life with his friends look even more heartwarming, and made it all super tense so you overlook all these little hints and just cheer for roxas in defeating these guys. But they left so many things that actually foreshadow that Roxas is a Nobody too, so reading this a second time is so sadddddd. I almost wish this was the first time i experienced the story, i think it does basically everything better than the original game version. Like seriously THAT ONE LINE OF WHAT THE WEAK ENEMIES ARE THINKING! "We've found you, my leige". THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO SAVE THEIR BOSS AND DIDNT KNOW WHY HE DIDNT RECOGNISE THEM. AND THEN HE ATTACKS THEM AND THEY DONT KNOW WHY!! aaa theyre just BABIES god theyre just ghost demon thingies that are like the larval stage compared to the main character versions. They dont remember who they were as humans, they just know they love their boss!! and he's apparantly been kidnapped by scary humans!! THEY WERE TRYING SO HARD TO SAVE HIM!! they got so damn close to taking over the town and they were swarming everywhere searching for him and Axel was trying so hard too and Diz just kept interrupting him before he cpuld explain or lying to roxas to manipulate them against each other! And axel even brought cake and icecream with him!! He was just trying to rescue his lil bro!!! Auuuugh seriously it was such a good twist that the Scary Monster Dudes were objectively in the right throughout this entire intro, and they just wanted to save Roxas's goddamn life. And he didnt even get to remember his peaceful days as a family with his fellow monster boyos until like five seconds before dying :(

Did anyone else just.. Not want to play kingdom hearts 2 after the prologue?

Like i couldnt stand the mood whiplash of going back to happy go lucky disney worlds with sora and having no more deep sad intriguing plot points for like ten hours of gameplay. And i could never take Organization 13 seriously as villains when the entire damn prologue was them being SUPER FUCKING SYMPATHETIC and the 'good guy' trying to murder a child in order to bring sora back. Like why am i supposed to be happy that he succeeded when i know sora himself would say no if he was told what sacrifice had to happen to bring him back? I would have been way more interested in this sequel having me play as roxas and try and take on the legacy of sora as the next hero and try and find a way to bring sora back without anyone having to die. Like the whole story could be people being all 'blah blah youre worthless youre not human your only purpose is to die for the sacrifice' and we explore all different sorts of 'heroes' doing horrible acts and justifying it to themselves because some people are just 'born evil' and its okay to do whatever you want to them. And Roxas is always struggling with almost believing that shit about himself, but in the end he does succeed to find a happy ending for everyone without a need for 'sacrifices'. And he learns to have self confidence and form his own identity and have more friendship scenes with Axel and co and also redeem all the other Nobodies please and also hug the tiny enemy childrens ones. I just did not feel much for the plot of kh2 at all except for the Nobodies!! Its just not sympathetic to have your 'heroes' arguing that 'oh they dont have hearts theyre not human they dont feel anything so theyre all evil and its all fine'. The game acts like this is true despite giving sympathetic backstories to half of them and the other half all die crying that they want to live!! What the fuck!! Like the only consolation is that they clearly cottoned on to the Org being RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR and later games literally bring all the most fan-loved ones back from the dead and add EVEN MORE sympathetic backstories and also here have a bigger villain who was really responsible and also he lied to them and theyre NOT really empty hearted and incapable of love. THEY ARE CONSTANTLY SHOWN HAVING THAT, EVEN THE WEAK LIL ENEMY DUDES HAVE ALL THAT LOYALTY TO ROXAS AAAAGH THEY DIED IN DROVES TRYING IN VAIN TO SAVE HIMMMMM

And god theyre so cute and so well designed and so sad and im sorry but AGGHHHH

I Forgot I Had So Many Emotions For The Emotionless Bebs :(

...also i really wish i cpuld get this pic of thos one panel to upload cos it looks real cool. I didnt think anything could make me love them more!!! Theyte just innocent weird snake bird worm person mannequin origami things. They just want to flutter around like messed up butterflies! And adorably poke at things they're curious about, and hold brooms awkwardly with their squiggle hands! The manga shows them doing lil chores around the house!! I LOVE THEMMMMMMM

#bunni plays khmanga #so many emotions #and man theres not even good reference pics of these lil enemies online despite how popular the game is #i hope the hd remakes still have the 3d model rotation feature in the bestiary? #i could take some snapshots myself and make more accurate fanarts #the feature was mostly useless in the ps2 original cos the resolution was too bad to see any details #plus that was a decade ago so i dont have any of my old snapshots lol #took pics of the screen on a disposeable camera

[yeoldontknow]

do you have any tips for writing? Your writing is the best i've ever read, and I'm not exaggerating. I really want to be better, but i don't know how to improve. Is writing something you can improve in or is it just something you're born with?

hello anon~~ 

heres the thing: some people are born with a natural proclivity towards a certain skill. like you can be born with a good singing voice if it runs in your family or something - but that does not necessarily mean you are born being celine dion. you still have to work to hone your craft, practice, engage in ongoing trial and error. every talent or craft is something that needs to be continuously worked on - like a muscle! if you dont do the thing for a while, itll revert back to a previous state you might not be happy with. so, while you CAN be born skilled at something, no one is born perfect. AND YES. there are many things you can do to help yourself improve

- read. honestly, most of the authors/writers i admire are also avid readers. when you read a book or a fic or something, your vocabulary naturally expands. certain authors use certain words to describe things, others have various stylistic choices that determine how their story is paced. someone like hemingway might use very brief, short sentence with words that have high impact; while someone like isaac marion might use many sentences to get the same feeling across. its important you read BOTH authors because this will help you develop a style in your own writing, will help your own vocabulary grow - hemingway might say ‘the red seat looked like a feast’; isaac marion might say ‘the seat looked as though it were bleeding, and it made R terribly, terribly hungry.’ same sentiment - different way of explaining something (*note: those are not actual quotes, im just using an example idk) 

reading also helps your imagination expand!!

- consume various forms of media/art. what i mean by consume is just engage with different types of arts. listen to music - music ALWAYS helps me get inspired, either in the sound or in the lyrics. and its to a point where i cannot write if the music/soundtrack isnt right. watch tv or films - i can assure you that hero is only as gritty as it is because i was watching sense8 while writing it. show is dark and foreboding constantly, and it definitely helped me structure my mindset to be in that world. 

for both reading and tv and music - i dont mean copy the work. dont ever do that. that is plagiarism. but these things all help a person get inspired or feel creative or help them visualize a certain thing for their story. 

- destroy the blank word doc. its easy to fear a blank document. EVERYONE fears the empty word doc. something about all that white is terribly imposing and threatening and you immediately start to doubt yourself. its like looking into a void. so how do we combat that? put down a sentence or three. WHO CARES IF THEY ARE GROSS? the void certainly doesnt, the void is just like ‘wtf these words are so itchy’ and youre like ‘fuckin...deal with it.’ put down sentences for your story and get rid of that blank page. these are not final sentences, you are going to edit them. do you know how many times chapter 13 of hero has been edited? literally, over 5 at this point. i cant seem to get it right AND THATS OK!! because i will! and you will too! just throw some shit onto a page and then go back and change it. (more on this later)

- start in the middle. while its also easy to be intimidated by a blank word doc, its also easy to be intimidated by not knowing where to start. if you have a great idea of the middle of your chapter - WRITE THAT PART FIRST!! if you get inspired by a dialogue or by a vision you have, you will kill it almost instantly by going ‘ok but i have to get them there first’ and then trying to wrap your mind around it. immediately, the mood dies and it feels like pulling teeth to get some words down because thats not what your muse wants you to be thinking about. so, write that cool scene first. i PROMISE once its out, more will come. the ending of chapter 7 for hero was written before chapter 6 AND before even the start of 7. WRITE WHAT INSPIRES YOU AND I PROMISE MORE WILL COME!!

- edit, edit, edit. so. you started in the middle, drafted your Cool Scene and burned the white doc down. AMAZING GO YOU!! but youre not done. you have to edit that. the first thing your mind brings forth will not (not saying it cant but when youre trying to burn down a doc it likely isnt) be the final thing you release to the public. once you have your cool scene down, go back and edit. fill it in. make it better and pretty. change some words, fix your typos. when you think its great, move onto something else and THEN GO BACK. AND FIX IT AGAIN. i edit at least 3 times before i post something. no one ever puts a perfect thing down that they like first time round, and the only time thats ever happened to me was when i wrote pusher in a fit of GLORIOUS INSPIRATION THAT LIKELY WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

- have a friend read your work/be a hype man. rome was not build in a day and certainly was not built by one man alone. if you have a friend in the fandom or community, or even just a friend you trust enough to share work with, SHARE IT WITH THEM. my housemate likes kpop, but does not care nearly enough about it as i do, and also has no inclination to write fanfic whatsoever. BUT. hes super supportive of me and LOVES reading whatever i write - especially hero. sharing your work with a friend to get their opinion is the most vulnerable you will ever be but its EXCITING. i shared hero with him and all at once he was giving me tips on weapons and how the ear responds to gunfire and like his random interest in military strategy has helped guide hero so much. so while you might be shy, your friend might be dumb excited and become an incredible plot bunny. 

and lastly the biggest tip i can give you is: 

do not compare yourself to other writers. EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a different life experience or reason of interest that drives them to writing. for me and a few others, its therapy. for others, its simply a way to pass the time. for all of us: it is fun. keep this fun. comparing yourself to someone else almost instantly ruins any enjoyment you can get out of it. if i walked into this fandom expecting to be The Best, i certainly would not ever be that (gross, who does that anyway) and i certainly wouldnt be having fun. comparison pressures you unnecessarily and also taints your enjoyment of the fandom. write, enjoy what you write, DO NOT WRITE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PLEASING OTHER PEOPLE, and accept the fact that sometimes its going to be hard. BUT IT WILL ALWAYS. BE. FUN. so pls dont compare yourself. im an old fart who has been writing for a long time. walking in here and going ‘omfg im not that i cant be that jesus’ is not good! no, my hun. you will not be me. YOU WILL BE YOU. AND THATS EVEN BETTER!!!!

i hope this helped you dove

#the cutest anons #writing advice #Anonymous

[mamonthemoon]

So about the 5 of CUPS.  I am getting in touch with writing and music and art and so happy to have access to a computer to do these things.  I could not flow like this, as I wanted, at my pace, on my phone.  It is SO great to have a computer again.  I am blessed, I am thankful.  I am so happy, today I logged into Soundcloud to find Jan and Taylor collab and made music and it just touched my heart and made me so happy.  Also talkin and chillin beside dont know her name but shes a Leo, I could tell she was more on point and driven and aware the first time i saw her come into the cafeteria one night.  Not like the others.  A good thing.  She is having some struggles with people evidently, being different, and them talking about her business, ay dont worry about it their petty basic losers. Bitches. I also got a nice comment 6 months ago on a track I did, “perfection” - how nice. I wish I had been able to make music and tracks through these past few years... I felt trapped, unable to express and create.. So I just sat in my car and sang... Ive been without a computer for the past 5 years WOW! I set out to evolve- to break my internet addiction, I wanted to be in real life, and not in my own little bubble, I wanted to be aware and grounded and discipline myself.  Well, I sure do appreciate this computer access now, and the internet, and everyone’s creativity and the era we’re in is so beautiful in that way, considering how awful the fucking world is! Like all these churches are you for real? and all these heathens that lie cheat steal? Crazy! War... Hate.. Rape.... Oppression.. Slavery.. Injustice... Women under men............ all this.... I was shielded from for most my life, ignorant and dumb and aloof. Its better that way!!! I sought to understand though... big mistake!!!! Understand I have..... Damn. Shoulda asked and prayed for good things! Not something like understanding! Wow dont do that unless you want to go through heaven and hell and everything in between, chaos, mundane, and the unseen.  So much... Off on a tangent again.... Point is... I am EMBRACING the 5 of cups. I literally stand like that.... I stood like that figure today, on the hill across the empty basin up the hill where I walk to be with nature, the little bit that is there, amongst the trash and brush.  I asked Jesus to heal my heart if he exists, and told him he knows I have lived like him, at least more than pretty much most people, and that hey maybe I havent, and I dont know, obviously Im doing something wrong.  I cried, because my heart needed me to, my body needed me to. And it felt good to, with the wind, or fresh air, far away from the building and people.  I cried and spoke to Ayla. I feel I will be with her in one year.  I am saddened by our seperation and how long it is taking, and I want her to know she is SO loved.  In fact, it is the only reason I live. I typed love.... and perhaps that is the correct sentence here.  Ayla is the only reason I love.  It is true.  I never loved before her.  I never loved until I became a mother.  And I loved everyone with that love, too.  Mostly her of course, an overwhelming neverending supply of love, JUST LIKE THE SUN.  Ayla is Jesus. And so am I, as a result of loving her and giving my all to her like I have. PURE LOVE. I prayed for it and I got it.  It was so painful, before and after, her. But she is Joy. She is grace.  She is everything.  She is my teacher.  She is SO beautiful.  And I cant stand to see her cry without crying.  That image is burned in my brain.  I was happy at the moment, starting my new life with psycho, briefly, he was treating me well.  I was putting in work to make that nasty house a home.  I was loving again, and being reciprocated in that love and affection.  BUT NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU. AYLA RAY.  I mourn for that I have been unable to accomplish housing you and me.  I have been unable to attain a living situation.  And it is SO frustrating.  I believe things can get better.  I believe in me.  I believe in my strength and perseverence, and I trust my intuition.  I have been working very hard to be strong.  I have worked very hard to be sober.  Worked to be creative.  Worked to be spiritually sound.  Worked to have greater understanding.  And I have been getting feedback from the people who work here and run this place, as well as doctor and social worker type person at the Internal Medicine Clinic today, positive feedback and thanks for sharing my experience, and told that I am wise and have a greater understanding, etc.  It didnt even feel good to receive the praise, I was too busy extracting what I had to say, and it is exhausting and frustrating because the pain stays inside me, and all I have to do is wait. and wait. and wait. but its okay.  I am happy.  I have a place to be, I have some people to talk to, and we talk and then all wander away, its perfect.  I have had hard times and been very frustrated but through it all I am grateful and see the silver lining for sure.  I am not dwelling on the past, on the wrongs I was wronged recently.  Im used to it!!!!!!  I accept it.  My car was on its way out, and Ive never been in a good living situation anyway.  The way Ive lived, being in this homeless shelter really isnt that hard.  Except that my body doesnt appreciate the shit food and eating meat, and I have to be careful about my sugar intake.  I feel awful after I eat.  I will be so relieved and at ease when I can smoke mari again.  I hate eating.  Yet, Im always hungry now it seems.  My weight is 115.  Im on track, perfect weight.  Just my body doesnt feel good due to my nervous system. And these people dont want to prescribe me Ativan.  Im pretty sure the song Jan and Taylor did, the lyrics talked about the generic name for it.. loradiazepine, or something.  Ill have to check.  The song was titled “Giving up on a Friend”.  It was beautifully prosed and poised. Truly impressive.  So happy inside.  I have really been sad for all my creative lovely friends that died...... drugs, lack of love... parents being not what they needed to be...... crazy, we came from a good area... but.. moreso than in the hood.. i feel like everyone be so isolated. anyway. it made me happy, to stand with those 2 cups left standing.... so many died and spilled... those cups.... what a beautiful world, to hold my Tiffany, Kyle, Des.... they were beautiful sensitive souls and im so sorry this world was so cold! im so sorry i couldnt express and shower them with the love they deserved.. i dont regret or blame myself anymore, because i didnt have the capacity to love... until i had Ayla.  So forgiveness is there.  I needed THEIR love.  Their creativity and spirit lit me up when i was dark and grey.  No one knew how much each other struggled... its so sad.  But I remember how happy I felt being at the community house as i called it.... the boys and their shenanigans....... I also watched young No doubt and Gwen Stefani.. how beautiful... I cant believe I never watched the music videos when I was younger I loved her! She inspired me so much... so different... I guess she was to me, what Billie Eilish is to Imani.  I want to write a letter to Imani. I love and miss her.  She is truly ahead of her time.  I cant wait til I can get some money and send her a letter.  Im gonna have to go on googlemaps and find their house so I can know the address cuz I dont remember or rather, never logged into my brain, the house numbers. I would totally adopt Imani.  It makes me sad the things I cant do because of money.  What I can do, is be there for them in other ways.  In the spirit ways, creative, being aware paying attention to them, telling them how beautiful and wonderful they are.  It made me sad how depressed and angry I was, Imani got to hear me straight up raw bitching... but I belive it truly helped her transition with her dad, and know that shes not alone, and that I see what he does and hate it, and that I have problems with my dad too.  And that her dad is a bastard who doesnt support her dreams and creativity as much as he should, because he had to repress it in himself. And that you have to hold onto your creativity, no ones going to help you, basically.  I have to reiterate that.  She is truly passionate and creative and wise and mature way beyond her years. I know she gets love from all around, family and friends, Im really hoping my absence hasnt left a dent in her life or heart, truly, sometimes.... sometimes you know, I wish someone will miss me or realize the hole thats left by my absence.. but I dont wish that on her.  I want her to be happy and good. For real. But as for my daughter.... I cant say I am okay with her being happy without me.  I have struggled with the selfishness of that.  I WANT her to be taken care of and happy.... I even thanked the women who replaced me, for being in her life, glad she had females but come to find out Oriana bitch.. fucking slapped her... and THATS why fucker wouldnt let me talk to her and dicked me around whil eim busting my ass trying to work my shit pay cooking jobs but hold Ayla top priority and just be left in the dust with NO control, me.. not respected. But now I have evidence in my phone from conversations with worm saying these things, if it will even matter........ its a shame this last bastard isnt going to be helping me with the law and with my daughter and case... I mean I cant really accept him into my life being that he acted how he did and talked to me and berated me after praising me like he did, like a straight up classic psycho, but ive never met a man so bipolar SHIT....... ANYWAY, maybe I can date a lawyer though..or hangout at the law library.. but i dont want to run into him.  IDK what will become of this, IDK what my path is, But I am focusing on the Two upright cups, The cups still standing.  The strong survive... I used to think everyone would make it til old age, except the rare car accident etc... I had NO IDEA so many people would die... so young.. every year...aiy. So I see it as survival of the fittest but its no joke.  I am still struggling.  Where my friends reached for drugs, partying, relief, escape... I sought to really make it for real and not get sucked into that life that I saw would drag people down.  Why did I see this and they did not? Is it because I was more of a loner, less able to socialize or fit in or pretend? I dont know... I know that.... I didnt connect very well to people and was pretty much isolated more than others.... also.. sexually void.... so i did not have those intense feelings of attachment or love like others had... it would have been too much for me to handle probably but still, my life was empty and cold and dark and grey.  Still is, a lot, except when I bring my conscious energy and intent alive... but subconsciously... all is not good... My moon is in the 4th house, and until my home environment is good, until i feel secured and loved and family...... I will not be well emotionally.  I know this.  Astrology and the occult has truly armed me with knowledge.  Self knowledge, and a tool and friend if you will... guide.. mentor.. something to interact with... something to listen! to be there for me to see, what is going on....Astrology for the core personality and blueprint of what makes a person tick.. what drives them.. how they function... of course a conscious person is harder to decipher, someone who has worked on themselves, to balance out their traits i guess but anyway, people shine as they are! whether exhibiting negative qualities and not shining at all but being muddy and negative, or by being bright and vibrant and strong.. either way, it is seen.  Its not evil lol. stupid man. how can you be against something you know nothing about? that is ignorance. how can you stand for something or against something if you dont even know what IT IS? Lost respect.  That should be a name of a song I will write, or rather, the title of what I have already wrote.  I gota speak it into a beat. Cant stay in this notebook i will inevitably throw away.  It must make it off the page and into something shareable.  I write too much to keep throwing it away.  It all seems too basic for how deep i go, i feel i dont do myself justice i guess. but simple is good.. i am not so hard on other artists! i need to create and let go and not worry about it and just keep at it.  Just like selfies take like 20 shots to get a good one.. haha. done with those. the fact remains. so, 20 tracks to create then, and bam ill have a good one worth sharing.  it is cringing, to listen to some of my stuff for real, from a few years ago, but also deeply giddy satisfying like a gift from my past self, an adult, channeling my inner child, i am ridiculous, while everyone else is trying to be so serious and hard and rap. it was nice to hear real music from my friends of the past. love in my heart. 2 cups remain standing. 3 are down, indeed, much has been lost and spilled.  I was contemplating today how sad it is people are appreciated after they pass. and i thought of how Kathy joshs mom said Nanny said something similar. and i think how i had a card i never sent her, with cactus on it, when i was in napa, but shit got serious and i never could send it, and then i just ended up keeping it, and i think i gave it away to salvation army in a little cheap gold frame idk? like the conflict to let go or follow through, and when somethings old and passed.. and when that energy isnt the same.... it traps me up.  but honestly i dont have love for her or for any of his family anymore. i did talk of kathy today to this lady whos next to me’s son earlier when he came in and was friendly, came in again when his moms here and hes so pissy and confrontational like trying to diss me for what? you JUST came in here being nice and whatever and then like hell bent on being an asshole for why? what the hell did i do to you? whatsup with these bipolar men? you aint even a man 21 yrs old so pissy wtf... i sure hope i have better dealings with my daughter when shes a teenager. this kid is retarded anyway, making fun of a handicapped man in front of a woman he talks to.. he was happy to start talkin to me.. and this kid had to just ruin it and diss him for no reason, i wish i would have spoke up about how disrespectful that was and how he made HIMSELF look bad and lost respect for HIMSELF. but i was on vistaril, and the thoughts were there but not the execution. thats why i dont like drugs. plus i couldnt sleep and it made me stuffy in my throat and neck and lymph system aiy im not having it leave my body alone with this shit! youre not pushing this shit on me i will be heard! its a struggle!!!

but ay this kid made my body uncomfortable, stress response with his petty bullshit like damn wtf? gtfo. teenagers for real need to go on a rite of passage, like in the old days. it is NOT RIGHT to have them around!! i truly TRULY believe that! its not healthy for anyone involved!! let them go... let them spread their wings and fly.. let them run into a tree.. let them feel that pain against the night sky, alone, and figure out what to do all by their damn selves! they want to. theyd prefer it. no teenager wants to be trapped. why do we work against nature? can we do something about this? what can we do? what social structure can we put in place to make these wrongs right? I mean, the army is the only way for a young boy or girl to go off on their own? or college- but how appealing is that for a lot of kids, after 15 years of the school system FOR REAL WTF!

I stand for a better world, thats what I stand for. I have incredible morals and ideals, as my venus in sagittarius would suggest. in the 3rd house.. communication, short distance travel, siblings... thats what that house rules, i cant remember what else.  I feel that brotherhood sisterhood of humanity... HUMAN KIND... BE A KIND HUMAN.. like that shirt i saw someone post on tumblr yesterday! SO CUTE! I need that shirt! Id buy it if i had money! HUMANKIND. perfect. yes i am a humanitarian and i love specifically, FIRE it is FIRE with which I LOVE !! SPECIFICALLY higher ideals, higher learning.... long distance travel/exploration/being carefree and adventurous... DIVA, its said, also. yes. I do seek to bring humanity what I have learned. What I have worked so hard to acquire.. understanding.. better ways.. “alternative” methods... theres so many people suffering, people who want help but the help that is offered is no good.... i want to be a person that helps. i always have. but i have assessed. i have reflected over and over, the past, what i have done wrong or why things have gone wrong or bad.  Its really simple when you realize.  You cant help someone who doesnt want help. This is something we hear a lot. So I realized, that Ive wasted to effort or time when, there ARE people out there who would appreciate and benefit from me... i COULD be of value.... i really havent been... im just ari to these people called friends and family. a nobody truly, respected for nothing really, just appreciated for who i am and being there but its just on a shallow level like anyone could really do that, whatever i did, i feel. i dont feel appreciated by my friends and family- i dont. i truly believe this is NOT just a feeling, but reality. and i face it. and i accept it. i accept people i have loved... just dont care, and dont see my depth or care to seek it for themselves or match me in my devotion or dedication to excelling in various ways, of serving, of growing, of giving, of loving. i am tired of being alone, amongst people that supposedly care for me. Adults have only cared what i can do for them. Only children appreciate me on a level that is reciprocated, on a level that i recieve anything nurturing or feel value in interacting... i DONT... i dont find value in interacting with adults really.  I still do it.  I enjoy conversating. but really i could take it or leave it. i appreciate the interactions and conversations, but i really dont care at the same time. i am desperate for attention and aware of it and not seeking it, i know where i come from, i know ive been a people pleaser, i know ive lacked genuine human connection and interaction. i know this. i prefer to be a loner. i like to laugh and interact. its cool. but children are what light me up, children are what serves me, fills me up, fills my cup. So the two cups are Ayla and Imani really, if we want to be symbolic about it in that way. They are kinda like the only people I truly care for.  I have shed everyone else. Even Megan. our interaction was vitally important for me, to have a friend to talk to via internet, but im done caring.... its just happened. maybe it would have happened anyway, i think it would have, but it sticks out in my mind how she said she thinks i have to let go of ayla. ill let go of you bitch. i laid my life on the line for you and she dont fully realize that even though i have told her, tried to tell her in the most humble way possible just showing my heart and what my intentions were. but really let go of my daughter? i mean i did. i DID. makes no difference. i mean, i understand though..... i remember being in Napa with my toddler Ayla and Megan struggling being sober and quitting smoking and using Lavender essential oil all the time, but first i remember how scary her situation was and how scared i was for her, i stood for her, i stood to be strong and support her, but i wont lie the situation didnt look good, and im sure thats how she and everyone else sees me. my strength or true work has not been evident. being a loser has only been evident. but i dont care, i work and work.... they are all basic to me.... i care of course, i mean i wish things coulda been different but im over it i accept what is. and im actually glad i havent been held down by taking care of a child who will ultimately be unhappy and take me for granted.. like how could i ever make it? i wouldnt be able to focus on anything. and i havent made financial career progress as much as ive needed to.. it hurts me that i should be farther along BUT IM NOT. I havent had the support Ive needed. and if i focused on my career and pushed all this aside... neglected my inner child... NOT delved into creativity.... NOT been true and real and fought to be sober when the adults will all tell me i need to be on pills or i need to do this or that.... i realize now i am a true leader...  i have power and peace and presence others do not have... because they have not put the work into it.... what ive put work into is transcendental...it is invisible, mostly unrewarded work. it has real effects.. i mean i had to.. i had to find my own way... forge my own strength. How can one just listen to what others tell them to do? Be a slave? Be a slave to those who hurt me? Obey those who hurt me? Who are blind? Perpetuate this awful cycle of doing what you have to do, and have no joy and work and drink alcohol and tell the kids to go play and leave me alone for real NO hell fucking no. children are beautiful gifts. and these people here.... they do not know how to handle their children, a lot of them, its the typical shit i see everyday. like really. youre not even going to enjoy your kid? just drag them along a miserable life, filled with have to’s? wheres the joy? i wana be around joy and strength and presence and VITALITY! i want a man that cooks for real. and loves and smiles and dances, and is weird a little but also so hott. like i deserve that, no? im really waiting for that situation where i would be of value with WHO I AM and what i have worked so hard to be... this shit aint free! i aint just frollocking around being carefree like people may think, fucking around, not being serious.... I guess im Low key serious.... Low key mike.. low key.. ive thought of him. but im let it go. last time i tried to just send him love he pissed me off and the vibe i had for him changed, i wished i had just left it at appreciating him in my heart, and left out the part where i express it. yeah. shit like that be so frustrating. thats what i dont need is just shit to spoil my day however little and petty or huge and devastating. anyway i was appreciated for things, mostly for listening and being intelligent and witty and beautiful and my body and sex and my effort in cleaning and love for the doggies etc....but it wasnt enough.. he was a drain on me... like a boat with a hole in it, where i have to continuously slosh out the water coming in whilst cleaning bugs off the boat and making sure dogs dont jump off and blah im done just really wow the effort... the draining... the complete draining of my energy... how fast it can go from good to terrible and dangerous for my health..... have to build trust over time.... i will not have sex with a man until we date for awhile... ill say.. but i know this may not be true. i chalk this one up to online, really. if i met him in person, we would have not connected i truly believe that. its only because we started out text messeging, saw each others hearts, but real, NOT compatible. emotionally yes and love yes- we totally experienced what astrology has to say... if he wants to be ignorant thats his perogative, most men dont accept astrology. they think they create themselves so much ahahaha i laugh everytime i say that. they are so stupid. but not all. some believe and see it to be true or to have merit. I sure ventured off from topic of 5 of cups... or did I? its all related. its a ramble. im flowing. man i wish i could relax though. time to hum. man i wish there was good food to eat. nourishing soup. please. PLEASE LORD feed me some good food that will do me good. i need soup so bad. I am totally finding a restaraunt tomorrow and demanding i do dishes or something, in exchange for some soup. I just wonder whats around besides fast food places. Ill have to take the bus probably. I need good food. I feel like I am dying. I dont get the right medicine, the right food..... i just have to be thankful for what i do got. im poor, money wise.. health wise i am also poor majority of the day.. its awful i really hope this changes soon its hard.... im gona lay down.. but its already been 5 hours since ive eaten dinner... i do have crackers... processed crap.. hopefully my body likes it.. man i havent had fruit in HOW LONG. or yogurt. i need yogurt. 

[comicteaparty]

November 19th-25th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from November 19th, 2018 to November 25th, 2018.  The chat focused on The Angel with Black Wings by Mharz.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on The Angel with Black Wings by Mharz~! (http://blackwings.Mharz.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until November 25th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Why do you believe that Ray is able to see angels? Is there something special about him or is it just by chance? Also, what makes him an exception to the rule that allows Big Sis to talk to him directly?

QUESTION 4. Why do you think Big Sis has black wings? What do you think Big Sis’ life was like when she was human? What about her past as an angel? What do you believe Big Sis’ intense connection to Ray is, and do you think that will get her into more trouble?

Climaxstriker

1. My favorite part is when Big Sis caught the apple Danillo threw then threw it back at him. Jerk had it coming, much like the apple that was headed for his face. 2. Big Sis because she's too pure for this world. 3. I think Ray has been given permission to talk to Big Sis after some string pulling on Silver's part. 4. I think Big Sis is Ray's mom due to her saying that Angels can look as old as they want, Cynthia did say that she had a college friend who was beautiful as an angel (So, Big Sis. Don't deny it, she's turn many many heads.) She killed someone with scissors. Could be any reason, dude could've been seriously drunk and would've seriously harmed Ray as a baby had she not have done anything.

Mharz

ends up thinking the exorcist but yeah for sure she totally made a lot of heads turn. That's the only thing I can confirm tho.

Kabocha

1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it? Probably this one: http://blackwings.Mharz.com/comic/309 Things get real for ray after this, and he starts to realize what happens when you poke your nose where it doesn't belong.

2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor? Mara! She made such a huge change in her attitude and how she was treating people. I'm glad she's a nice girl.... I kind of hope she gets a chance to punch Albert.

3. Why do you believe that Ray is able to see angels? Is there something special about him or is it just by chance? Also, what makes him an exception to the rule that allows Big Sis to talk to him directly? ...Hm. I think Big sis is making up her own rules as she goes. Also, I'm like, 99% sure Ray's blood-related to her somehow, so the whole angel thing might be being sensitive to family - Ray's just more special than Mara.

4. Why do you think Big Sis has black wings? What do you think Big Sis’ life was like when she was human? What about her past as an angel? What do you believe Big Sis’ intense connection to Ray is, and do you think that will get her into more trouble? Big Sis probably stabbed someone.... Probably. Can't say for sure though.(edited)

funakounasoul

I'm doing a reread of this for this week because I love it!but last time, I made it to Ch 11 before life/work got in the way, so my answers today will reflect my previous knowledge :3

1. My fave scene so far has been the fight with some demons just because the action was pretty sweet. With the rest of the comic being more about conversations and mystery, it really stood out and kept me on the edge of my seat

2. Mara is my fave because of personal reasons. She reminds me of a bff I used to have and I wonder how they're doing in life now. I get why she did the things she did despite being great friends with Ray before. Anf her development is really solid(edited)

3. I've always believed that there are just some people who are more sensitive to certain things and in this case, ray is sensitive to seeing angels. And sometimes, these abilities can be both blessings (being able to meet Big Sis) but curses (being seen as odd/bullying...)

4. My CURRENT theory is that Big Sis is related to Ray directly. Mom? Or maybe some otger relation we don't know of? Grandmother?? Especially with the "any age"appearance comment. And i think she may have killed someone. But heaven, being typically seen as Lawful Good, sees all murders as bad even if she was in the right (aka self-defense) and maybe that is the initial reasoning behind her attitudes toward some of the strict rules angels have to follow...

Mharz

@Kabocha you mean the start of Ray's "you had one job" career?

Kabocha

I dunno, his one job started before that.... it just hit peak "Don't be dumb" at that point

Mharz

Also glad to see there are peeps liking Mara (can't say the same for Ray)

Lol Kabocha

Personally, I don't blame Ray seeing how he's been picked on and given false promises. You'll find people hard to trust.

funakounasoul

I do feel like I should be more connected to Ray, but - at least in my read thus far - I'm definitely having trouble doing so at times. I understand he's had some bad history to the point where he has trouble trusting folks, but his moments of abrasiveness sometimes make me wanna go "No. Ray...Ray...shhh...breathe...listen to them."

Mharz

Lol. I have to say Ray is the type of person that once his mind made a conclusion, he sticks to it. Unless this was proven wrong thru action not just words in which it takes a reeeeeeaaaallly long time.

keii4ii

TBH I don't think I would've been any better in his situation, at his age...

I might have been a different variety of bad, but still the same degree of bad

Kabocha

I'm still the same kind of stubborn as Ray, but it doesn't mean I have to like seeing him be that way. All that anger ain't good for him!

Mharz

I'm honestly pretty angsty similar to Ray back at his age. You could say a part of his character is my residual resentment towards my schoolmates for picking on me. I still get a bit angsty from time to time tho lol. I'm just trying to control myself better than I was younger. :v

funakounasoul

We've all had those moments, or knew someone like that. I preferred the company of others, but you know teenagers - we all think we're correct and tough and amazing but we're still learning :P BUT I do think this will set Ray up to have an amazing character development through the rest of the story. We may want him to shhhhh, but I know I'm curious as to how he'll learn to open up a little toward those that mean a lot to him (and learn he has people that mean a lot to him, even if he doesn't notice it yet)

Climaxstriker

Had some "Friends" Pull pranks on me and trick me so I know what Mara went through in terms of having fake friends.

Climaxstriker

after one joke too many. I told them to pound sand.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Who do you believe Silver is given one demon described her as “infamous?” Why do you think Silver cares so much about Big Sis? Also, why do you believe that Silver is so stringent about the rules compared to other angels?

Climaxstriker

I think she cares so much about big sis because she fell for her hard.

Mharz

@funakounasoul lol yes... I hope. XD

I have to say, while it's true Silver had indeed fallen in love with Big Sis there is another reason she's totally vouching for her. Something that she herself only knew. Just ask her.

Climaxstriker

>_>?

I am intriqued

was it the reason Big Sis killed the dude with scissors?(edited)

Mharz

Nyope.

I can't say much more tho. I like to think the reason will come from the left field once it surfaced.

RebelVampire

1) the scene where mara tells off her "friends." that moment felt so incredibly earned and represented a fantastic character arc that had a beautiful conclusion. which leads me into... 2) Mara. of all the characters Mara feels the most developed and the most changed into a better person. her growth is really fun to watch. however, even before her motivations were sympathetic even if severely misguided. and given shes a teen it all made a lot of sense. overally, i like seeing this great girl grow and learn from her mistakes and try to make amends like the beautiful person shes trying to become. 3) I actually think Ray's powers might just be happenstance. And besides that with the current events of the comic I have to assume it's less rare than we've been made to believe. as for the exception, billionthing the assumption that ray is related to big sis, though i would like to add to the discussion that its highly doubtful its his mom. exhibit A http://blackwings.Mharz.com/comic/241 i dont think shed need to ask where his mom is if she is his mom XD unless she doesnt know where she is. 4) she either did the murders or hurt someone. although i think silver mentioned incidents or her self sacrificing nature or something like that. so it might be a compounding issue. where she did this alot because shes clearly not the most...cautious with her powers. and they finally said okay no more slaps on the wrist. i do think big sis is probably gonna get more into trouble cause even this exception thing seems like a huge bending of the rules that every angel is just willfully ignoring for Big Sis' sake. 5) I assume that silver is an archangel or something like that. super high up there in the scheme of things. and i also just think silver is a great girl who understands powers can hurt just as much as they can help. and someone has to look out and enforce the rules cause otherwise we just have anarchy.

Mharz

I have to say I did pick my choice of words in the dialogue especially on the page Rebel mentioned in which no one has noticed something strange about. <.<

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. Do you think that Ray will learn the power of forgiveness when it comes to Mara? What about when it comes to Big Sis? Will this help him help Big Sis in some way? Additionally, what other ways do you think Ray will grow as a person?

RebelVampire

6) gonna be honest, personally speaking im not sure ray will grow as a person anymore that much XD like theres stubborn...and then theres ray. ray took stubborn and moved the goal post infinitely far away to neverland. i mean i would hope he grows, but idk. it may take a while. maybe when hes 50 and has to walk around with a cane. XD i think hell at least forgive big sis in his own way. and i think that will help big sis forgive herself cause she seems to have a lot of issues with forgiving herself

Kabocha

Ray might grow, but he's going to need to get something to teach him he needs to... Right now everything that goes wrong kind of just continues to justify it.

Mara can be nice all she wants, and Albert can be a jerk... But Ray has learned nothing. I don't think TAWBW is a story about Ray's growth so much as it is about Big Sis learning to forgive herself in the long run. Ray's just the character who we see things through.

RebelVampire

honestly im curious what it will take to teach him. cause it must be grandiose and amazing. but even if the story isnt technically about ray's growth, he does need to grow. because hes the protagonist.

well okay tbf he doesnt need to grow. or more accurately he could technically grow into a worse person? i mean i doubt its gonna go that way, but just clarifying

Kabocha

Ahahaha

He really needs to um... Change a little bit? Not in a good/bad way -- and this could be webcomic time talking for me bc I haven't done a full reread in a while... but like, he needs to be just more observant or mindful. He's kind of stuck in the same place, and that's fine -- it's just more interesting to see other characters progress and change.

RebelVampire

i had to reread it for questions, so its not just webcomic time. he has been stuck for quite a while. and to a degree i get it cause for every step int he right direction, a bad thing reinforces his world views. but i have been waiting for that big thing thats gonna kick that boy in the butt and get him to change just a little.

maybe itll be that nice cop

comes to save ray

ray is like wtf is this

Kabocha

Maybe. But he'll continue to be bitter for a while, haha...

Like, after that angel tried to kill him, I would have been like "wait why does it think I'm a sinner OH CRAP"

but he's not done much introspection!

While Big Sis might be able to be saved and redeemed by Heaven... Maybe Ray's just doomed? Like, is this story going to end up with him ending up damned, or genuinely close to it? I kind of want to see another Angel that Ray trusted "pass judgement" or at least force Ray to examine his behavior bc telling him to behave in real time hasn't worked real well

Big Sis has remorse for whatever it was she did. Ray's just a brat and is going to continue to hurt people.

RebelVampire

ya know thats a great point! it seems like a lot of ray's problem is he does no introspection.

thatd be an interesting scenario

although maybe its gonna take a big time mistake on his part

that forces him to realizes human make mistakes

and he is human

thus he is doomed to the mistakes

Kabocha

I think if he was forced to review his own behavior, he'd probably think twice about how he's behaved. After some defensiveness, of course -- because it's only human to go "but I was justified!"

He might be justified to a degree, but it doesn't make him morally superior!

RebelVampire

yeah.

although now im curious what ray would do if someone died for him

Kabocha

Oh no. :<

That might break him.

RebelVampire

cause at that point it would take some immense logic leaps to still think ppl are awful and the person helped him for selfish reasons

Kabocha

As stubborn as he is, I think that would honestly break him to realize someone cared that much that they'd die for him.

RebelVampire

i think it would actually break him to

cause even if he didnt care about the person i think that is something that would shatter his world view

Kabocha

Yeah. Now I'm trying to think through how he'd probably take it...

It'd probably start off with denying it -- then he'd go straight to anger at himself because I don't think he sees himself as worth protecting to that degree. Sure, he might be salty at Big Sis for "abandoning" him, but... It's easy to be mad for him. Past that, he might spend a lot of time wondering "why" and think about his behavior and try to figure out why he's worth it when he's been such a butt.

...............And then Silver would probably smack him and tell him to do better to become worth it.

RebelVampire

yes i definitely agree about the silver part

cause he seems to listen to silver to a degree

even if silver can be cryptic at best XD

Kabocha

Yeah, ahaha

I would think at that point Silver would just be tired of his shit though, and be like, "Do better, don't make this a waste."

RebelVampire

maybe. although ironically fulfills her duty of guiding humans and such. so good on silver for still doing her job

Kabocha

Somehow, I feel like the exemptions might be slightly more lax in the near future, especially if someone dies for Ray

given what Bnaenae's doing -- shit's about to get bad imo

RebelVampire

yeah this is the prime time for this scenario to play out if it does

although tbf the set up alone might spark introspection

just cause ray hates bad ppl and is now suddenly see what happens when you decide to treat bad ppl badly

Kabocha

True, but he may just say "I haven't sinned"

RebelVampire

maybe albert will disagree O_O

show up to monologue

Kabocha

That would be interesting to see... Although I suspect Albert might end up getting his POV changed a bit.

RebelVampire

tbh idk if i expect growth from albert

tbh i....i kind of expect him to die

die a very bad death

Kabocha

Hm, see, I dunno that he would die -- Serena though? I think that she's likely to get hurt on his behalf.

RebelVampire

that seems likely maybe. idk. i dont feel i know serena enough

what if all the angels on the bad side get black wings O_O at least big sis wont have to feel sad and alone anymore

Kabocha

Hmm, maybe. But it could be a case where as long as they're pure in their ideals and try to do God's work, they're okay

or they have another source for their wholly Holy wrath

RebelVampire

they have to go back to angel boarding school

funakounasoul

For me, I feel he could change at least to a neutral maturation...but he has to experience something REALLY drastic. Something that hits him so hard that makes him re-evaluate himself. He may be an adult when we see a change in him (like an epilogue or something) but I think he can change. People always grow and learn new things even as old folks...if they're not TOO stubborn, though xD

Mharz

I like to think that Ray is a child who has a looooooot to learn and he's not as bad as Shin from Robonoid. <.<

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Where do you think Big Sis has been while Ray has been dealing with Legion? Is she being held against her will, or do you think it’s partially by choice? Why do you think we’ve seen her being trained to fight?

Climaxstriker

Tricky, I think she's been tricked by Bnaenae. Prettyboi jerkbag extraordinaire who needs a toaster to swung into his pretty friggin face >=/ I think at first it was because she was lied to. I think she's been set up, the legion wouldn't take in someone who committed a crime in life. So, she's likely a pawn in Bnaenae's plan, likely involving her dying. I can't imagine her being a permanent asset to a group as crazy about perfection as the legion. After Ray accused her of stealing souls like a friggin moron, that's when Bnaenae started holding her against her will. That's when that other mysterious guy I'm calling "Bigger Bro" (or just Big Bro) busted Big Sis out of angel jail.

RebelVampire

(the archive for the chat on fate is ready! @Anthea https://comicteaparty.com/post/180401220340/november-12th-18th-2018-ctp-archive)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. What are your theories about Legion? Do you think Lucifer is responsible, or is someone else calling the shots? How do you think that Legion was able to slip under the radar? Who exactly is the man threatening to kill the mayor and why broadcast it?

Climaxstriker

I think believe Lucifer is calling the shots. He must've been the man that sucked out the Mayor's soul. He did some pretty high up in the food chain. As for how they slipped under the radar. I got no clue. >_>

Kabocha

I dunno, if Bnaenae was lucifer, I'd think the other angels would know... Unless they're all about to fall. I wonder if they're working with the demons that showed up earlier in the story >_>

Mharz

So many things I can answer but spoilers lol. <.<

One thing I could say is, I don't think these angels would join the legion if it's not for a "noble cause." >.>

mathtans

Going from memory on this... as far as favourite scenes, two that still stand out without diving back into the archive are ones mentioned by others. The battle in the mall, and Mara kind of coming to her senses.

-Favourite character? Tempting to say Mara like so many others (I also like her visual design), but I think I'll go Silver. She just seems clever and subversive, like trying to do the right thing under the radar. Also, fun times in Ray's dreams.

-Ray sees angels because his father was actually an angel. Or a demon. Something like that. Sure, why not.

-Black wings, still because someone spilled ink on them. Or, okay, it's soot, because she would hang out a lot down in hell, maybe.

-Silver knows that you've gotta have rules, otherwise there's chaos. Also, is secretly God... it's like one of those "HIdden Boss" TV shows.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What do you think Ray’s role will be in dealing with Legion (and can he do anything in the first place)? Will Ray find some way to expose Albert? Also, why do you think Albert is part of Legion in the first place?

Climaxstriker

hmmmm..... Since the legion provided a......rather shitty first impression for angels. Ray will likely have to convince people like Alvarez not all angels are evil. That there are good angels like Silver. Dunno if Albert is really bothering to give himself some cover. As for why he is in the legion in the first place.....I feel like he's been wronged for so long. Like, he feels like any good people he met has suffered at the hands of criminals and they just got off scott-free. That's just a guess tho.

RebelVampire

i like math's theory about the ink. big sis was a prolific angel author, until one day she tripped and the ink just went everywhere. and everyone knows you cant get out those ink stains XD

RebelVampire

7) I think Big Sis' situation may be a mixture of both. IN that she was brought against her will, was told "blah blah blah do this training because it will help you for blah blah blah reasons." and big sis was like "blah blah blah reasons you say? okay i will stay." but they also made a condition she couldnt leave for a long time and big sis was like "hahaha no" and that is where in shes being held against her will. cause while shes pursuing her own goals shes also being given tight restrictions and big sis is not a rule follower. maybe learning to fight will help her protect ray or something tho. cause she does keep getting trounced by demons. 8) It's clearly Lucifer's son who is responsible O_O /shot but more likely i think its someone using lucifer's name to manipulate others. cause assuming lucifer is dead, its not like lucifer can say "hey that isnt me. stawp that." as for slipping under the radar, eh, it was probably easier than they made it sound. i mean its not like theres an angel time clock i imagine. there seems to be a lot of autonomy. so until the soul sucking started there whereabouts and ambitions were probably super easy to hide. 9) i question if ray will even make an effort to stop legion. unless albert directly puts him in danger. and if he becomes involved i think it will be in an effort just to save big sis. as for albert, i assume he was some kid who was like ray and got bullied a lot. and he decided to challenge that and no longer be the victim. and before he realized it he became the bully for "a good cause."

mathtans

-I kind of hope that Ray realizing that Mara is a better person now will lead him to realizing that not everything Big Sis does (or did) was under her control either. But yeah, major facepalm as he goes off on Big Sis for not being around when he doesn't know anything. (I actually thought that was another dream sequence.)

-Big Sis is the nominated champion for the all the angels, because there's a prophecy about black wings. That's why she's training, even though she's not necessarily keen on it. (In all seriousness, I think she may be a champion of sorts because her black wings allow her to not be corrupted or something, like she's already corrupted herself. idk.)

-I don't know that Legion slipped under the radar, I think maybe they were vocal, just not necessarily about how they were going to achieve their goals. There was just this group who were going to make positive change through more tea parties, and then suddenly it was "ok, instead of tea parties, we're Legion and we're taking souls" and everyone thought "huh, that escalated, but the goal's the same, I'm still all in".

Mharz

I wouldn't say Big Sis is a champion of some sorts but there IS something. It's more of "just totally unlucky that it was her" rather than "being the chosen one."

I like the tea party analogy lol.

snuffysam

i feel like it wouldn't be hard for legion to slip under the radar. like let's say every pure-hearted person becomes an angel. and angels on average are able to last one century before getting killed by demons. unless the conditions for becoming an angel are SUPER strict, there are at least a billion of them flying around (and there'd have to be for any reasonable number of people to get guardian angels). that means each archangel is responsible for over 100,000,000 angels i doubt you'd notice if a club of a couple hundred dudes was forming when that's less than 0.0001% of your employees

mathtans

I approve of such mathematical arguments.

Mharz

Add some shenanigans and it's absolutely feasible

snuffysam

shenanigans always make things better

Mharz

Shenanigans make everything complex yes.

Climaxstriker

and funnier

we need more shenanigans in our lives

Mharz

When shenanigans ends up dooming society. Yup... Fun... <.<

Climaxstriker

Not those kinds of shenanigans tho D=

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

Climaxstriker

I'm looking forward to finally finding out Big Sis' past and who that guy was that busted her out and how it all ends. Big Sis' past and that guy's identity is because, if you think hard on theories on what they are, and in the end it proves to be right, it's a really satisfying feeling. More than a simple "AHA, I FUCKING CALLED IT!" It's more like...."Yaaas, I was right all along and I worked so hard to find the evidence for it too!" Last part is because well, naturally I'd want to see how it all goes down. Seriously, what fan wouldn't? >_>

Mharz

What I'm looking forward to is more people theorizing TABW. This is the most elaborated thing I wrote and I did leave lots of context clues for overthinkers to crunch on. At the same time, maintaining the interactions and feels. Well, I try at least.

mathtans

The entire comic is happening in Ray's mind. Everyone is really part of his family, in a "Wizard of Oz" kind of way. That's how Big Sis is his mother.

Mharz

Lol

RebelVampire

10) im looking forward to mara becoming a beautiful angel when she dies while ray becomes a crotchety old man who yells at kids to get off his lawn.

Climaxstriker

That is likely how it goes if Mharz does a bad ending. Thing is, that's actually realistic, considering how much of a jerk Ray can be. >_>

Kabocha

Oh noooo ahaha

How likely is a Ray/Mara ship in the future, ya think?

Climaxstriker

if Ray can stop being an edgy jerk and go through some much needed character development, more likely that we think. XD

snuffysam

kinda surprised nobody's shipped big sis with bigger, cooler sis in this chat yet

silver is mostly enforcing the rules all the time but they seem like they were quite close before big sis did a slip and slide through a coal mine

(like if silver didn't care, she wouldn't bother to stop big sis before she breaks the rules after a few attempts)

Climaxstriker

It's been shipped in Mharz' discord. >w>

Kabocha

They're definitely a ship

100%. Although I do wonder about how much Silver can get romantically involved with the lower ranks lol

Mharz

I mean I am shipping Big Sis and Silver from the get go. <.< She isn't sexually attracted tho. She's fine with fluffy hugs and giving secret gifts.

snuffysam

that makes sense

one thing i hope for the future is that ray makes more friends. like that lady at the cafe.

Mharz

That will be up to Ray. XD

mathtans

Maybe that lady at the cafe is secretly Ray's mother.

Or Big Sis's mother.

Climaxstriker

Who knows >_>

snuffysam

big sis is older than she looks, remember (since she hasn't aged at all since she died). maybe the lady is big sis's little sister, and the lady is somehow responsible for big sis's death?

Mharz

They're not related actually

snuffysam

but the lady IS responsible for big sis's death

Mharz

http://blackwings.Mharz.com/comic/249

snuffysam

well sure. but that all happened before the lady stabbed her

Mharz

I'd totally love to explore this more eventually.

I'm thinking of making a comic about Big Sis' life but it won't be until all spoilers are spilled.

Kabocha

I vaguely recall Big Sis' life previously was quite... unpleasant

so was this lady also doing that unpleasant job

snuffysam

oh so maybe she was a bully to big sis, and that's the sin she's atoning for?

at the workplace

Mharz

It's more along the lines of "getting her to that unpleasant place." >.>

Kabocha

... REALLY

Was she trying to help or was she uh... ....

So basically, this lady's up on Legion's chopping block next

Mharz

S-She was trying to help(edited)

<.<

Kabocha

ahahah

Mharz

Poor Big Sis never caught a break. -_-

Climaxstriker

Not Cynthia D=

she's nice!

Mharz

Idk

Climaxstriker

Is teh cat important?

remembers Bnaenae cat Oh shit

I will give bnaenae fish.

....as it's cooking in the toaster....which I shall promptly swing into his face! as the toaster is cooking the fish! D=<

Mharz

#blameBnaenae

I'm definitely excited for the upcoming chapters

Climaxstriker

Me too. I need teh answers! D=

Mharz

It won't be answered for the next 5 years probably

Climaxstriker

Das ok. I've been waiting for game updates that took a while. >_>

Mharz

<.<

Climaxstriker

I've also waited six months for a golden opportunity to orchestrate a ridiculous and convoluted scheme that was actually a well-thought out plan that would probably take a while to explain. >_> I can wait for a whiiiile like a reeeeeeeally long while for the hyped up stuff.(edited)

Mharz

I've been hyping edgy sis for years now and she still hasnt appeared

Climaxstriker

edgy big sis? >_>

=_= not sure if past Big Sis or future Big Sis is edgy Big Sis

Mharz

The one with white hair.

Climaxstriker

Was wondering why she had white hair >_>

Mharz

There's a deep but shallow reason for that. I will mention when the time comes.

Climaxstriker

Determinedly waits for the time to come

snuffysam

wearing a wig

ez

Mharz

Yasss

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about The Angel with Black Wings this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mharz for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked The Angel with Black Wings, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

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[tumblunni]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tfw u have another game idea AGAIN i think my brain hollowed itself out for more idea space at the expense of everything else like ability to actually create my ideas or ability to remember to eat :P

this kinda isnt a NEW idea, its just something floating around in my brain that ive now got more of a concrete idea for, i guess? playing Oxygen Not Included reminded me of it and made me feel maybe people would actually be interested in it, yknow? and its probably not something i could ACTUALLY make, cos it’d require like.. a lot of my own programming. not really easy to just make in a helpful gamemaker enginey thing like rpgmaker. tho it is an rpg... kinda...?? ehhhh im not feeling very good today, sorry my writing is... bad

ANYWAY WHAT WAS I SAYING

Well the idea I has was for kind of a roguelike tower climbing rpg, like Azure Dreams or Persona 3 The premise would be that there’s a mysterious underground civilization, trapped for generations with no memory of the surface world. Between them and sunlight is this potentially-infinate magical labyrinth that nobody has managed to make it through. (At least as far as anyone knows. Everyone wants to believe that friends who dissappeared in the labyrinth actually made it to the other side, rather than.. well.. the other side.) So the game would be about tackling this labyrinth in multiple short sessions. My favourite genre: roguelikes that actually have some form of progression in them! Even though you’re dying a lot, you retain a small amount of what you gathered each time in the form of townbuilding progressyness and ~friendship routes~ and ~ETCETERA~!

But then after playing Oxygen Not Included I kinda have a burning desire to see a game that has the good bits of that and not the... Frustration. To say its a roguelike without progression is understating it, gahhhhhhhhhh! Roguelike sim game of 8 hour game sessions that get destroyed cos of one stupid mistake and you have to be all perfect and lucky and YOURE ALWAYS STARVING and gahhhhhhhhh THIS IS MEANT TO BE MY GAME IDEA NOT VENTING ABOUT THAT GAME Anyway I was thinking how it’d be really cool if a game like that actually DID have a sense of progression. And an actual end goal. Like.. if you were actually digging towards the surface! With periodic savepoints and characters that dont die so easily and have more personality to them and you get all attatched! I already got all attatched to my dumb sim characters and then just got really upset how they kept dying and the game seemed to not give a shit :P

But yeah its not like I can just completely copy that game, lol. Even if I wanted to, I dunno how to program a simulation type engine thing from scratch! So i was thinking like.. a regular roguelike randomized dungeon generator actually IS possible in Rpgmaker, so I dunno.. I could find a way to make that work with some kind of ‘you are actually creating the dungeon’ type thing. i really like the idea of being able to dig your own path through the thing and have it permenantly etched there forever. I was thinking it could be an awesome idea if in the postgame you could come back to the now-empty labyrinth after everyone’s escaped to the surface, and be able to walk through it and have a big ol nostalgia trip. One that’d be unique to every player! And like.. maybe even be able to see changes, like it being reclaimed by nature and flowers? And you could upload a dungeon seed for your own personal dungeon, so that other players could play it, and that could be the postgame replay value~!

game name ideas i guess Catacomb Crawl Boundless Down

and I was thinking the protagonists could be two kids and be a grumpy older sibling who’s a jerk to their well-meaning-but-immature lil sib, but loves them deep down, and has to learn a lesson about becoming a more responsible sib, and etc like.. yeah.. basically inspired by over the garden wall i didnt really like that show, and i felt bad about it cos everyone was telling me it was a masterpiece. alas! :P aaanyhoo they’re not very developed yet, except older sib being a bit of a comical greedy coward type of person and lil sib actually being quite wise but always underestimated. Like, they have more common sense than their big sib even though they are a lil naive sometimes cos theyre so optimistic. Both sibs get each other into trouble pretty often, but they balance out perfectly to save each other each time! And lil sib is kind of a pushover who just obeys big sib unquestionably and can never stick up for themself when big sib is being all ‘ugh ur so immature im totally better'. They’re just like... the sort of person who’s so scared of their friends leaving them that they let anyone hurt them as much as they want as long as they stay. Very relateable to Bunni! Also they sorta try and pretend to be the dumb sidekick and class clown. Cos again theyre worried if they disagree or try and stand out too much then their sibling will hate them. Quite often their ‘dumb mistakes’ are actually the older sib’s fault, and they’re stuck like ‘AAAA I CANT TELL THEM TO STOP COS ITD BE OUT OF CHARACTER. I NEED TO BE THE CUTE BABY.’ And its all super complicated cos older sib acts like they resent them for never growing up too, its like.. cant ever win. This whole thing has kinda turned them into an anxious mess deep down. part of big sib’s whole redemption arc would involve them having to realise that their actions arent harmless, and treating such a young child this way actually has a permenant effect. And like... big sib doesnt know how to take care of little sib on their own because they’re immature themself! Being able to admit that instead of trying so hard to be all fake ultra mature and infallible, thats another big character arc. As well as aknowledging that lil sib is indeed growing up and becoming someone intelligent and independant. And realizing that the reason they keep putting them down is so they can try and deny that, and the reason they’re denying it because theyre JEALOUS! Jealous that little sib might have their emotions more alltogether than them, scared that their emotionless facade of perfect big sibness will be broken, and scared that without that they’ll have nothing left. Need to become more comfortable with trusting and relying on your lil sib, need to actually talk to them about this stuff, yo! Ideally I’m gonna try and write it in a way that doesnt make big sib seem like a completely hateable villain. Their backstory is gonna involve being from not exactly the nicest family, and both struggling to escape what they’ve been shaped into. And trying to learn how to take care of each other as a real family, when they have no real frame of reference for what real love looks like. And also climbing a bigass tower to save humanity from being entombed underground, but that’s comparatively easy, lol! But yeah the idea is that big sib kinda absorbed more of their bad parents’s ideals, and like... they love their sibling so utterly and deeply because they just did not know what family love felt like until they came along. And it really REALLY hurts them whenever they realise they’ve been subconciously being neglectful or hateful towards the lil fella, but theyre so distracted by like.. the greed of being free now. And doing anything and everything, drunk on that freedom! And not really being capable yet of caring about other people when they havent even learned how to care about themself. They keep being all decadent and delinquent and it seems like theyre egotistical but still deep down they HATE themself and this is all just like a ‘fake it til you make it’. And its so easy to get caught up and go too far to try and put on this facade, and they feel they cant really vent their real feelings to anyone. Cos they’re super cynical dont trust anyone except sibling loyalty like. Only way to survive! And like... cant talk about it with the sib either, because little kid wouldnt understand, and if they do then that means theyre not little anymore. They dont wanna ruin lil sib’s childish innocence cos like.. that innocence is their only reason to live. Innocent stupid bastion of family love, came into their life and gave them the courage to deal with those shitty parents gahhh! And part of them ‘knows’ that the only way to love anyone is to be deluded and innocent. You have to be too stupid to realise that the world is awful and everyone sucks and loving people just gets you hurt! And big sib is toooootally smart cos they know that life is meaningless. But they’re entertained by seeing a stupid person stupidly believe in optimism. Totally. Thats the only reason they wanna protect that innocence. Totally. sooooo basically imagine a very mentally ill mess of a preteen that’s curled up in the corner crying perpetually within their own mind, while on the outside they’re all HA HA I’M AMAZING, BITCHES And also imagine that bunni is able to write good enough to explain these damn characters aaaa im very tired im sorry

anyway summary: protagonist is a jerk, Character Development: The Game, you will cry for little sib whom is basically like penny from inspector gadget also I was thinking maybe this could be the one and only time I do the Amnesiac Protagonist Cliche Setup. eeeexcept not really?? well i mean I think it’d work cool if these characters were new to this setting, but I wouldnt actually do 100% amnesia thing I was thinking more like... they are the only two people who came from the outside world. And they just can’t remember how they got here, they wake up trapped in this place and everyone thinks theyre crazy for talking about being from somewhere aboveground. So you have an even more desperate motivation to escape compared to everyone else! I mean of course everyone wants to return to the surface, but its been so long that no-one remembers what it’s like, and so many attempts have failed that they’ve all given up. So you can act like a beacon of hope and lead the people even though you’re just a child. Like, this is about a morally bankrupt trash protagonist being dragged kicking and screaming into heroism, lol And of course we can have some good ‘ol mystery amnesia reveal type plot thingies! But without having to have a protagonist who’s COMPLETELY clueless, and a game beginning with no direction whatsoever. Its more like a ‘trapped in another world’ story except its the same world just a few thousand miles underground, lol. And revealing how exactly they got there and what they’ve forgotten is gonna be a plot, yes, but also there’s the bigger mystery of what on earth this doom labyrinth is and what caused these poor people to be trapped in it! And what they’ll even find when they finally reach the surface again, will it really be the sort of paradise they’re all hoping for? also many tears for sad dysfunctional tiny family of awkward childrens, ye also (hopefully) fun dungeon gameplays

so yeah bunni is tired and delirious and rambling Thoughts at you dunno if anyone was interested in any of this, but there you go!

#labyrinth sibs game