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bordysbae · 1 year

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16 with bordy please!!! love you!!

“penalities”

thomas bordeleau x reader

16. “i need you right now”

word count: 0.8k

warning: VERY slight cussing

being a student in college has its ups and downs. attending university of michigan is the best decision you’ve ever made, it’s how you met your boyfriend thomas. but unfortunately a downside of college is the incredibly overwhelming work load. unfortunately you have two essays due by monday for different classes, and you’ve only finished one. earlier you broke the news that you couldn’t attend tonight’s game vs msu, and thomas was devastated. you reassured him that you’d listen to it as background noise, which is exactly what you’re doing.

you’re quickly snapped from your thoughts when you realize thomas just got a penalty. you groan at his stupidity, and turn your attention back to this draining essay you’re writing. you stop typing only 30 minutes later when it’s announced thomas now received a disqualification for punching someone. “oh thomas, you’re so so stupid!” you groan again, immediately turning off the game. you just don’t understand why he’s being so rough tonight, and you seriously don’t want to stress about it since you’re so close to finishing your last essay.

you eventually finish your essay, and turn the game on again just to see the clock ticking down from the last 5 minutes of the last period. the wolverines are losing by one, and you’re instantly at the edge of your seat. before you know it, the game is over, and msu won. you know the boys are devastated, especially thomas. you already know he’s going to be angry, especially after seeing the way he was acting in the game. clearly something was bugging him, you just didn’t know what it was. you always go to every home game, and text him after every away game. you’d never been in this position where thomas was only 15 minutes away from you, upset after losing a game, and you not being there to comfort him. you have no idea what to do.

suddenly you get an incoming calling from thomas, and you answer it immediately. “oh babe, i’m so sorry.” you say, receiving nothing but silence on the other end. “thomas?” you ask, yet still nothing. “must’ve been a butt dial” you chuckle about to hang up when suddenly thomas’ voice speaks up. “no no no please don’t hang up” he says, his voice sounding shaky. “oh hi, how are you feeling?” “shit, y/n. you know that.”

“oh. you’re right im sorry” you say softly into the phone. “fuck. im sorry, im so so sorry. im just a literal whirlwind of emotions right now. i’m so sorry for lashing out at you” he sighs. “thomas it’s okay i promise. where are you? are you still at yost? why don’t you come over to my place” you suggest. he remains silent for a little bit before raspily stating, “can you come pick me up? matty drove me here, but i really don’t feel like talking to anyone besides you, y/n. i need you right now.” “of course, i’m on my way” “i love you.” “i love you more thom.”

you grab your keys and get into your car. you drive down to yost, and walk in through one of the back doors thomas had shown you. you walk past some employees leaving, and turn the corner to see a distraught thomas sitting on the hallway floor. “oh thom, hi baby” you say, sliding down the wall to sit next to him. he says nothing and looks up at you with bloodshot eyes. you gasp, and pull him into a tight hug. “oh you poor thing, don’t cry” you say, placing a hand behind his head. “it’s my fault we lost” he mumbles into your neck. “hm?” you say, pulling back from the hug to hear him better. “i said, it’s my fault we lost” “thomas, you’re joking right?” “no? why would i be?”

you sigh before steadily saying, “brendan got a penalty, and luke did too. it’s not just your fault that you guys lost, it’s absolutely no one’s. when have you ever seen a team beat every single one of their opponents huh? it’s impossible for a team to never lose. don’t beat yourself up over one game, and yeah maybe you made some dumb choices tonight but everyone learns from their mistakes. so please stop beating yourself up, i promise everyone else is just as upset with themselves as you are. i promise no one is mad at you thom.” after your quick little speech, he looks up at you with glossed over eyes, and a smile begins to form on his lips. “i love you, so so much. what did i do to deserve you?” “oh stop you’re gonna make me blush, now cmon mr ‘disqualified’ let’s go back to my place” “too soon y/n, too soon” he chuckles.

“y’know, i made those dumb decisions tonight cause i was angry you weren’t at the game.” he says as he gets into your passenger seat. “you what?!” you blurt out in disbelief. “yup. every time you’re not at a game i feel almost like, i don’t know, dissociated i guess. seeing your face in the crowd helps me stay grounded. i can usually control it, but tonight something in me just like snapped” he chuckles to himself. “well then, i guess i’ll just have to go to all of your games” you shrug. “that doesn’t sound too bad to me” thomas smiles.

#thomas bordeleau #thomas bordeleau imagine #umich imagine #umich wolverines #umich hockey #umich blurbs #michigan hockey #hockey imagine #hockey blurb #i hate this #this is bad sorry lol

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friends-to-lovers-tournament · 11 months

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Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 1, Side A, Match 2

propaganda under the cut!

Tasutsumu:

Submission 1:

(exploding) sorry if this is badly written i am walking rn . Mods know the series but A3 is about stage actors.

TasuTsumu are literally the friends to lovers ever. They're childhood friends, even. They did everything together. They've acted together since elementary school. but then (VINE BOOM) they both try out for a prestigious acting troupe called GODza... but only Tasuku makes it in (sad horn sounds) Tsumugi lost a ton of confidence after not making it and kinda ghosted Tasuku and ran away from his problems </3 he originally had given up, but missed the stage so he tried out again at the Mankai Company (troupe all of the characters are in). Of course, as fate has it, Tasuku had just left GODza after their... unsavory business tactics, but the troupe had blacklisted him from becoming an actor at any other high end troupes in the area, leaving him to go to the Mankai Company. And of course times 2, he and Tsumugi try out for the same troupe. Tasuku is less than pleased with seeing Tsumugi's face after he just disappeared before, and things between them are tense, especially when Tasuku gets fed up with Tsumugi's lack of confidence after he becomes the troupe's leader. But!! Fate wants them to get along (and be together) and Tsumugi finds this cursed doll that traps them in a time loop of the same day. They're stuck until they resolve their issues. Nothing like a good ol divine intervention to get two friends to lovers back together. tldr Tsumugi owns up to his insecurities to Tasuku and works to overcome it. In the process, while performing their play in an act off (if they end up in the competition i'll actually essay about it) Tsumugi feels that his acting is inferior once again and totally bombs a show. Tasuku finally works around his own regrets of not reaching out before when Tsumugi had "quit," telling him how much he loves and envies Tsumugi's acting, and apologizes to Tsumugi. Then boom they pull off an incredibly gay play about angels and become lovers (not canon but Trust me).

please let me write properly about them and put them in i love my blorbos <3 they were made for this tournament

Submission 2:

absolute best friends in childhood who had a very impactful falling out, but managed to resolve things. nowadays they're in a theatre troupe together where their troupe is quite literally married.

Submission 3:

1. CHILDHOOD FRIENDS

2. Their introductory arc was literally a whole divorce-reunion arc. They divorced because Tsumugi failed an audition into the God Squad theatre troupe while Tasuku got in which was a blow to Tsumugi's confidence as an actor and he ran away and Tasuku was mad at him for that. It was literally so bad that the game had to break its slice-of-life genre to introduce a doll that traps people in a timeloop until they're able to make up, and they (and another guy who's kinda a cryptid) are the only ones aware that the day keeps repeating

3. After one of their shows, Tsumugi overhears some audience members criticising him and comparing him to Tasuku, which leads to him changing his acting style in the next show which completes bombs their show. Out of shame, Tsumugi runs away, and it takes Tasuku some hesitating before chasing after him and finally telling him how he REALLY feels -- that he was guilty for not being able to do anything to help Tsumugi when he failed that audition years ago and ran away, and that he admires Tsumugi's acting for what it is. The anime makes this scene even gayer by having them meet on a bridge in the snow and Tasuku holding an umbrella over Tsumugi's head as he pours his heart out to Tsumugi

4. Tsumugi regains his confidence after hearing that, and they finally FINALLY 100% reconcile

Zenyuki:

they start out strangers who despite their different statuses become friends, who then gradually develop feelings for each other as they continue to get to know each other better! despite being a prince, zen treats shirayuki like an equal, helping her out with her herbalist qualifying exams even staying up late in the greenhouse and getting his hands literally dirty with soil all to help her. shirayuki also treats zen like a friend and doesn't kowtow or walk on eggshells around him just bc he's a prince. they have so much mutual admiration and respect for each other, and they inspire each other to grow and chase their goals! i also really like that the story goes out of their way to show that they have lives outside of each other, that they both have separate goals, responsibilities, and duties but they come together to support each other in working towards them! also that neck kiss scene mmm i think about that a lot

#friends to lovers tournament #a3!#a3! act! addict! actors!#snow white with the red hair #akagami no shirayukihime #tasutsumu #zenyuki #tsumugi tsukioka #tasuku takato #zen wisteria #shirayuki #polls #tournament polls

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cadykeus-clay · 4 years

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i would low key love to hear your tangent about the differences there are between how VM and TM9 react with the world

ah, the perfect excuse for me to put off my 30 page reading, thank you :3

(i’m also going to preface this by saying most of this is stuff i’ve picked from other people’s various metas and i absolutely do not remember who those authors might be so i apologize jsdlkfsd)

....

but uh ... basically i feel like vox machina and the nein have a completely opposite standard for how they interact with the people the consider to be their “inner circle” vs. everyone who doesn’t qualify as that.

vm is a group of individuals who, overall, had one cruel person that slighted them but didn’t really destroy their faith in humanity. (their faith in themselves is a whole different horse. that ones .... woof. looking at you percy scanlan tary keyleth.) Percy had the briarwoods, Grog had Kevdak, the twins and tary had their father. so, the way that they interact with just random people that they meet is - with exceptions of course - amicable, or at the very least, respectably polite.

they’re the saviours of emon, the freers of whitestone. they have festivals held in their honor. they have kid fans and random farmers knocking on their doorstep for aid because they’ve heard tales of the kindness. sure, vex can be a hassle when she’s haggling down a price, and keyleth tends to poke buttons in way that gets her arrested a fair amount of the time, but at the end of the day they’re the people’s heroes, and they’re happy to be that!

their inner circle, however, is much more closely guarded. they have a few chosen allies (gilmore, allura, kima, kash and zahra, cassandra) and that’s it. They’re hesitant with anyone else trying to creep into their personal fold. Hell, it took beating up tary and him breaking down sobbing for them to even consider liking him. they’ve been burned by raishan and clarota and hotis, by individuals they let in and who then stabbed them in the back. they’ll do almost any favor for a stranger who asks, but they’ll be damned if they trust anyone to actually join their midst. vox machina is vox machina is vox machina and that’s incredibly hard to change.

the nein, on the other hand, are fundamentally a group of rejects. some of them have specific people they can point a finger at and say “i hate you”, but those problems stem from a greater societal rejection. beau has daddy issues, but she also felt rejected by the entire cobalt soul until dairon found her. caleb has trent’s fucked up shit, but he also has this constant pressure of having failed his entire country, not to mention the faceless hate piled up on him from living homeless for a year. jester’s whole deal is that she had to hide from LITERALLY ALL OF SOCIETY for her entire childhood because she wasn’t supposed to exist.

and so, the nein are shitheads to society right back. they’re mean to random barkeeps, they trash their inns and don’t say sorry, they mock most NPCs behind their back (or sometimes right to their face. @ marius). Every favor asked of them comes with a ton of deliberation and arguing about whether its bait or not (ie bowlgate, the giants in the mine outside rosohna, essiks “favors”).

but, on the flip side, they’re willing to tug just about anyone into their ranks. if society already hates them by default, what’s there to lose if they get close to someone? nothing, there’s only more love to be found! so it’s adopting random bird girls on the road, its sending cupcakes to a hag that cursed your friend, its sending messages to everyone you’ve ever met just to check in, it’s making someone sit in the hot tub with you and share trauma and then when you find out he started a war you say “we get it bro” and kiss him on the forehead. it’s “welcome to the mighty nein”.

and it’s also very interesting, i think, to talk about the ways in which the party interacts with themselves. vox machina was a family, undoubtedly, as is the nein now. but vox machina ... had a lack of desperation to their attachment. i mean for one, they took a full year off from adventuring together and scattered cross continent. even if the nein gets down time like they did, i expect they’ll just trail each other around like lemmings. (its kind of what they’ve been doing from hiatus until now with the eiselcross arc starting).

but vox machina just ... went. and scanlan walked away from the party and (after the heat of the moment), they agreed to just let him be. and pike would spend weeks on quests for sarenrae without much of a complaint. even at the end - and this will be a controversial take, i know - but they let vax go pretty easily. (sure, mechanically they were wiped from fighting, but besides tears the only attempt to defy trq was from percy, which even he gave up on with minimal struggle because vax said to stop it). that’s not to say they don’t miss each other when they’re gone! of course they do!!! but they trust each other to go off into the world, because the world as whole is a place they trust.

(the one exception to this might be vex, who fought every one of these situations adamantly, but that’s a whole separate essay about her issues stemming from an innate sense of ‘failed family’ that she’s desperate to not repeat, and less about a mistrust of everyone until proven otherwise)

the nein on the other hand. hoo boy. they’ve been hot glued to each other’s hips since day one. So many quotes (many from beau, which could be worked into my previous vex essay, as they’re very much cross-campaign foils. getting sidetracked again) are about their inability to separate. “You don’t get to choose who cares about you”; “No one goes”; “If one of us is gone for more than 7 days assume we’re dead and have a funeral”; “Do we have co-dependecy issues?” Jester’s cool personal vacation to her god’s get together turned into a party with everyone because why would she go anywhere without the nein? Veth’s time with Luc and/or Yeza is constantly overrun with the rest of the nein dropping in for fun. Even small things like shopping trips are so much more “oh well if you’re going then i’ll go” snowballs than they ever were with vm.

Also, ashley’s absences had to be much more forceful than in c1. Post episode 11, the only time yasha left the group (rather than someone else piloting her) of her own free will was when she ran in grief from molly’s grave. And yes, there’s something to be said about “oh they were on a boat for a long time she had nowhere to go” but if Matt can justify astral projection pike, i feel like he could justify ‘the stormlord teleports yasha away for a bit’ and he chose not to.

Because!!!!!!!!! of the dynamic that the nein has!!!!!!!! Because of this idea that the world is bad and cold and full of hate and in here in our little hut (soon to be mansion??????) it’s safe and good and full of love and no one can leave because then you’d be going somewhere much more dangerous and we can’t have that, now can we?

.....

well uh. that’s a lot of words. i hope they made some sense??? and were at all what you were expecting???? thank u for sending the ask tho this was very fun to write!!

tldr: vox machina is a group of people who were betrayed by one bad figure, so they trust the world and are wary of the individual; whereas the nein is a group of people who were failed by the world at large so they welcome the loner and fear the pack.

#critical role #vox machina #the mighty nein #critical role meta #hey the actual essay bit turned out be 1200 words On The Nose

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life-rewritten · 3 years

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Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series. An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in 2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them; both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought. It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective. This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly. He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others. So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind. This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that. Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others. Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen, refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!). Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first. He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree. So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc. Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

#fish upon the sky #futs #morkpi #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #cwg #fvete

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lizardrosen · 3 years

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I’ve spent the last two days writing a paper on gender and sexuality in Twelfth Night so please, tell me your thoughts on the use of gender as a plot device in Twelfth Night ❤️

Hell yeah, I love talking about gender! Obligatory disclaimer that this post is tied up with a lot of headcanons, but I’m trying to be mostly based in the text for this.

Viola fucking with gender is what kicks off the plot, *but also* the plot helps Viola figure out gender.

There’s so many ways to take violacesario’s gender and I want them all! Trans girl Viola, nonbinary or genderfluid Cesario, cis Viola who’s relieved to go back to being a woman full time, they’re all *really good*, and I’m extremely inconsistent about pronouns and whether I call her Viola or Cesario.

Viola has a lot of anxiety surrounding her disguise compared to other crossdressing heroines, and this could indicate that she’s a woman who’s uncomfortable pretending to be something she’s not, *or* Cesario’s discomfort could be more about lying in general and once everyone knows who they are they’ll be able to be more open about their gender.

She just puts a lot of thought into why things happen and what it all means, so it makes sense that she’d also be introspective about her gender

Gender as a social function — Viola is shipwrecked in a strange country, and even though she’s from a good family she’s still a single woman and can’t count on that to protect her.

Olivia’s father and brother have recently died, so she’s lost her emotional family connections, but she’s *also* lost the security of having men to take care of her. Now she *could* solve this problem by getting married, but she instead solves it by refusing to let men enter her space and I think that’s incredibly sexy of her.

The last time I watched Twelfth Night I noticed that Orsino is more earnest and passionate about music than he is about love, and convinces himself that they’re the same thing (but because this isn’t a tragedy, he doesn’t confuse either of those things with *power*, looking at you, Edmund). Similarly he seems to be interested in Olivia because she’s A Woman, not because she’s *that specific woman*.

There’s just a lot of idealized language that feels like he’s repeating what’s expected of him and he’s got a LOT of misconceptions and misogyny that Cesario helps him unpack. “If she loves her dead brother how much more will she love ME!?” “Their beauty and love fades quicker than ours so date a younger woman” “Men just love more, that’s just facts” orsino, *buddy*…

It feels important that Viola is specifically pretending to be a eunuch, not just a serving boy. It’s partly just to explain away why he’s so feminine, but it’s also a different *role* than “man”.

This ties into class things too — the kind of man Sir Toby and Sir Andrew are allowed to be vs. the kind of man Malvolio has to be, and what it means to cross those boundaries — but that’s a whole essay of its own, and one that someone besides me should write (but then send me a link because I’m very curious)

violacesario is straddling a lot of different worlds and identities and everyone can tell — sometimes with admiration, sometimes with derision, sometimes in genderfuckery solidarity.

Orsino keeps using “he” and “Cesario” and “boy” even after the reveal but seems pretty open to following their lead based on presentation and preferences, and I think that’s some sexy character growth.

#twelfth night #shakespeare #shakesqueer #viola #orsino #olivia #Anonymous #friendship is great!

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filmmakerdreamst · 4 years

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Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’.

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention.

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time.

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way.

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

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The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing.

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting.

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!

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norealnameshere · 3 years

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Arie Rambles About Text Hypnosis!

(A long writing/essay about what I’ve learned about text hypnosis and the stuff I commonly tell people when they ask about it. :3 )

I adore text hypnosis. I’ve had chances to experience all of the main hypnosis mediums (other than in person, text, voice, video being the others) from BOTH sides, as a tist and as a subject, and text hypnosis is still probably my favorite.

It also seems to be the least known and least liked of all the mediums, and I’ve found myself writing and rewriting information about and defenses of it time and time again, and I had the idea to write up a neat little document to share and save myself some time. X3

In this (extremely long) piece of writing, I will mostly be addressing a lot of the questions and complaints I’ve heard from people when I tell them I do text hypnosis. The main parts will be a discussion of trance states, the complaints people tend to make, a list of advantages vs disadvantages (and some suggestions for dealing with them), and a bit about tips and tricks and advice from what I do and what I’ve done. X3

Before I begin, I still very much consider myself an amateur, please do not take this as straight fact, it is merely a writeup of my opinions and what I’ve experienced. (At the time of writing, I’ve been doing text hypno as a subject for about a year and a half, and as a tist for about a year.)

Introduction, mostly about kinds of trance states

A lot of the misconceptions about text hypno are at heart misconceptions about hypnosis itself - I’ve also done a LOT of working with newbies and introducing them to hypnosis, and I always tell them that the first thing to do is to toss away pretty much whatever their preconceived notions are. Film/tv shows/books and stage/street hypnosis are fun to watch, but what they portray are very specific ways of approaching trance - possible, yes, but not common in actuality.

The popular image of hypnosis is of someone going limp, eyes closed, unable to move, barely able to respond aloud. Or, as in many thriller/spy movies, someone hypnotized against their will, brainwashed and able to be set off with a single word to go do...whatever they’ve been programmed to do. And those are POSSIBLE, just not at all common. (The second usually requires a great deal of drugs and other bad shenanigans, but that would be another topic for another informational writing. Perhaps I’ll write on subject agency one day. Likely I’ll not. xD)

However, trance states come in a HUGE variety of appearances, and there are some that happen in everyday life, outside of hypnosis. The most common one mentioned is if you’re driving along and find yourself at your destination without really noticing the journey along the way. Another is reading a page of a book and realizing that you can’t really remember any of what you just read. ‘Zoning out’ is a type of trance state. I like to consider those uncontrolled trance states, and hypnosis and meditation guided trance states. (And the difference between those, to me, is like someone walking ahead of you and leading you down a path (Meditation) vs someone taking your hand and pulling you down a path (Hypnosis))

(I always tell newbies in a first session that if they feel lightly relaxed, I consider it a success. Like any other skill, it is something you can build on and deepen *pun intended*. ;3)

And people can trance differently at different times - most of the time I’m ‘down’, I’m just very still and seem to focusing intently on the computer screen, either waiting for words if its text hypno or listening for words if its voice or video. I have gotten to a point where I can go body limp, face blank, completely out of it levels of trance, but it’s not something that happens commonly, and not something I want to have happen commonly. I very much prefer the kind of trance state where you can listen and react and are in an incredibly suggestible state. ;3

Complaints and Misconceptions, Mentioned and Addressed.

WITH THAT SAID, let’s get back to text hypnosis.

There’s a few major complaints and misconceptions about text hypnosis, and I’ll go through them one by one with the common points I make in response.

“Text hypnosis can’t be real, because in real hypnosis the subject goes completely limp and there’s no way they can type.” (This is an actual thing said to me by a supposedly trained and credited tist I was negotiating a session with. When I tried to say actually, that’s not true, he sent pictures of his girlfriend to ‘prove real trance looks like this’, and jumped down my throat when I asked if he had permission to do that. I’ve had some interesting people in my DMs in the past. xD)

- Those paragraphs up there about trance states? Yep, that, that’s how I usually respond. (Although I may or may not have gotten REAL detailed about some of the things I’ve done while under in text hypno when I responded to the interesting individual I mentioned. x3)

“I don’t understand how someone can type while they’re tranced.”

- Unless you’re someone who genuinely struggles with typing and has to consider every key as you press it, in general typing is not exactly an active thought activity. Most of the time you don’t go ‘I need to type yes, so I’m going to press the y key now, and the e key now, and the s key now. Often, you don’t even think ‘I am typing the word yes now.”, you just...think words and type them as you go, without even directly thinking about the keyboard.

However, it is also something you can work on making easier and more natural. When I’m working with someone new who is uncertain about typing while in trance, I will start by not making them for the first session, I’ll take them down, then bring them up again and check in on them and ask for feedback. I tell them that any questions they see during trance they can answer aloud or in their mind, whatever works well for them. When they’re comfortable with that level, I’ll start having them answer with a y for yes and an n for no (and make sure to ask only yes/no questions). We’ll work up from there as necessary. :)

“I hate text hypnosis because there’s no feedback.”

- I will grant that feedback is not as immediate as it is in voice/video/in person. You cannot hear or see the person and know, moment by moment, how they appear to be doing. However, there are many ways of getting feedback, and sight/sound are not the only ones by a long shot.

Especially in a first session, I tend to do a series of short drops - taking someone down a little bit, bringing them up, and checking in on how everything is going, what’s worked well, what hasn’t worked as well, etc. Not only is this a good way of getting feedback of how things are going, it also serves to fractionate the subject a little. ;3

As you do more text hypnosis, you also get to know things to watch for - responses starting to slow down, grammar and spelling changing, fuzzy typing (oh gods, I love fuzzy typing~), etc. Having that history of what was typed means you can also have your subject read back over what happened and give you feedback based on that - I know quite a few people whose memories get fuzzy about what actually happened in sessions, but having that record can jog the memory and help them go ‘oh yeah, that happened, and this could have gone better, and...”

Sometimes I feel like it’s *better* feedback in the long run, because I can scroll back through the history and see what I’ve done in the past and how it’s worked. Since I started doing mostly voice hypno with my pets, I’ve missed having that record, because I have a terrible memory. ^^”

“Text hypnosis is fake, it’s all just roleplayers.”

- Sometimes, yes. Usually that’s something you can figure out if you make sure you have a good, thorough discussion and negotiation beforehand, to find out what everyone involved wants out of the session. If it’s something that really bothers you, make sure to include it in your list of questions.

I would say this is a VERY important thing to find out if it’s someone you’re planning on doing an extended number of sessions with, but that’s also the kind of person you should have constant ongoing discussions with anyways. (Hell, I’ve been with my tist and my pets for a long while now, and we still periodically have negotiations. Things change and need to be rediscussed. It happens. :3)

If it’s a one off session, well...at least you’re getting practice with your writing, right?

(I will update this from time to time with other frequent questions or complaints I hear or receive.)

Advantages vs Disadvantages

Now for something a little more fun! Advantages of text vs the other mediums, as well as disadvantages and how to overcome them. :3 (This is definitely a section I’ll update over time, as I think of more things to add. ^-^)

Advantages:

- One of the absolute best things about text is the record it leaves. Unless you record your sessions, voice and video and in person sessions are left only in the memories of the participants. In text, unless the place you’re typing in is deleted after a certain point (or if someone edits their text afterwards, tho’ that actually can be fun too, and I’ll address it later. ;3), you have this useful record of what you did, what was said.

This is great for multiple reasons. The first and biggest one for me is how much it helps, considering my memory issues - I have a shitty memory, and forget things way too easily. On both tist and sub side, it’s great to be able to scroll back and reread what happened in a session. Second, rereading is a great way to relive and refeel those memories (especially if you miiiiight possibly have the ability to reexperience memories almost as strong as the moment they were made, coughcough) which is also hella good for conditioning. (;3) Third, it can be fun to link back to certain points or use bits of the written record against people. You can tease them with things they wrote, reference past experiences, or (and this is definitely absolutely completely hypothetical and not something I’ve had done to me at ALL, oh no. >.>) leave little ‘traps’ if you know they reread - “When you reread this, send ‘this message’ to me so I know you did, and then forget~” kinds of things.

This fact can also help if you have different schedules or are in different time zones, you can leave short written bits for the other, delayed action traps so to speak that go off when read - not as a replacement for active sessions, but a fun supplement. :3

- Related to this idea but in a different direction, you can create...hmm, kind of ‘homework assignments’ for a subject to read later, or read over and over again. VERY useful for conditioning, especially if you have a suggestion or an order of ‘once you have finished reading this, write [this sentence] to me to let me know you have read it.’

- Another HUGE advantage of text is privacy. I still live with my family and, while I have the benefit of a basement room, interruptions are common and curious ears are a possibility. For people who live with roommates or with bedrooms in the house closer to family members, privacy becomes even more critical. On the subject side there might be some visual signs of what’s happening, depending on what’s being done and how they trance, but overall on both sides it will just look like concentrating intently on the screen and typing, just like writing an email or visiting with people on a discord.

As a side note to that, you can also do fun things like be innocently sitting in a voice channel with them, chatting with other people, while sending them suggestions or triggers in text, and watch them try not to react, try to resist. ;3

- Just like there are certain tricks only doable in voice or video or in person, there are things you can do in text that aren’t easily replicated in text.

Just a few ideas off the top of my head are using formatting for various kinds of emphasis (italics and bold are great for helping to add ‘tone’ to your typing, strikethrough can be a fun way to tease someone or to say something you’re too flustery to admit openly, spoiler text can be used to tempt someone and trick them or trap them); italics can be used to denote ‘actions’, which some people either have or can develop the ability to ‘feel’; making use of brackets for different effects (anything I write within {these} you obey immediately and then forget doing is a big one. I’ve created an ability for like...the back part of my head to communicate with my tist even when the active part of my head is dropped, which is pretty useful to be able to go {hey, that thing you suggested got interpreted wrong and I’m kinda stuck now}, and report on things without having to actually come back up. x3); tying triggers or suggestions to emotes to have innocent seeming ways to play with someone or fluster them; and so many more. X3

- Text hypnosis is a godsend for people with hearing or speech problems. I have certain hearing issues that make it hard for me to hear people with certain voice pitches, especially when over a phone or a voice channel. It can break immersion and be frustrating if you have to keep asking for someone to repeat what they’ve said or repeat yourself for someone. You don’t have to worry about volume control or if your microphone is picking up everything you’re saying, don’t have to worry about people misunderstanding your accent, don’t have to worry that you’re mishearing something and responding in the wrong way.

- One of the biggest reasons I love text hypnosis is the small amount of space I have to think about what I’m writing before I send it. I am WORLDS more creative with my phrasing in text as opposed to in voice, because I don’t have to worry about stammering or stuttering or hesitating while I figure out where I’m going next. Plus I have a tiny amount of time to change what I’m sending before I hit send, if I realize mid sentence that its not what I want to say. I can be thinking about the next line while I’m still typing the last one, but I can’t think of the next sentence while I’m in the middle of saying the current one.

- Seeing a whole page full of typed mantras is lovely, just saying. ;3

Disadvantages (and potential fixes!)

- Biggest one is lack of immediate feedback, which I discussed earlier. :3

- Those who aren’t as skilled at typing or reading may find themselves having some issues. One of the things that brings me out of trace the fastest is having to wait for too long - this is a major disadvantage for tists who are slow typists. ^^”

This problem does present more of a difficulty to get past than some, but I do have some suggestions to try. One thing I’ve done (and that can also be useful if internet flickers and having ‘buffering time’ so to speak, for ANY medium that uses the internet) is to account for that at the beginning with something like “If there is quiet for a moment, you’ll find yourself quietly rereading the last few lines you’ve received, each line you read helping to keep you calm and keep you deep.” or “Any time there is a pause in the words you read for more than a few seconds, you’ll find yourself focusing on [some spot on the screen].’ Specifically on discord, the ‘someone is typing’ message can be useful as a focus anchor.

I don’t approve of copy/paste text hypno in the most part, but perhaps if speedy typing is not something you’re good at, and if it’s a basic induction, AND if you tell your subject what you’re doing, then I could see using it to help make up for slower typing. It’s often easier to keep someone in trance with slower typing than it is to take them down in the first place. You could also possibly give them a written induction file to basically prime the pump. The key is to talk to the subject and find out which, if any of these options are potentially usable. (Also make sure you write your own induction, don’t just copy someone else script.) I would suggest being ready to throw in some in the moment typed lines as well, reacting to things the subject may say. Be ready to improv a little.

- This is more of a problem with manipulative, bad tists than with text hypnosis specifically, but a written record could be used against you (in the same way that someone could secretly record you in the other ways and then use them against you). Be very careful about what information you share with people, basic internet safety stuff, okay?

Also watch out for if someone edits or deletes that record in an attempt to gaslight you or mess with you. If that’s a concern, you can make backup copies of sessions to keep on your computer so you always have the original to consult. Most chat programs that allow editing will also indicate that the original has been edited, so that can also help.

And finally, a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up, basically things I’ve found fun to do, from either side. X3

Assorted Tips and Tricks

- Text is AMAZING for teasing. I am actually known and am infamous for my teasing (there is a server where I helped contribute to a week of so much teasing in general chat that they designated a separate channel for heavy teasing. x3) - I started dabbling in teasing for weeks before I actually tried my hand at any actual hypnosis. (Teasing is wonderful in voice, too, but I have noticed sometimes if someone is chatting normally, then suddenly throws out something teasing, it can be easy to miss it among the normal chat. It’s much harder to miss when it’s in text, especially if accompanied with an emote. ;3)

In text you can also leave teasing messages for someone to see later, maybe after they’ve gone to sleep, or while they’re playing games, or distracted in voice chat somewhere. Like a fun little trap they spring later, and you get a lovely ‘hfouiwenfkwje!!’ later. x3

It’s also fun to have ‘in jokes’, so to speak, and to slyly slip those words and phrases in with normal talking, and get people flustering that way. (For instance, if you use a certain kind of imagery to drop someone, like balloons, and then find ways to slide balloon references into your typing to remind a subject of that session.)

- Group hypnosis is a lot of fun - there’s a few places I’m in that have text channels that allow open hypno, and slyly twisting around the conversation and playing with words until you catch a bunch of people and set them drifting is fuuuun.

It’s also sometimes easier than in voice, because either you have everyone mute and you feel like you’re talking into a void, or you have a chaos of overlapping voices. In a group text session, you can often begin with something like ‘the more you see others type the same kind of responses you do, the more the phrases affect you.’ I have seen cases where you have almost group mantras going on, and the people involved said seeing the others typing definitely added to the experience.

- If you DO have an opportunity to do voice at least once, or once in a while, you can make use of that to add to your text hypnosis - I have some people I have done BOTH with, and they said that they were pretty quickly able to ‘hear’ my voice in my typed words - I actually try very hard to match my written style to my talking style for that very reason. :)

I also have a few emotes that apparently really resemble expressions I’ve done in video before, and I can make use of those emotes to evoke memories of those expressions, and things I’ve done while grinning just THAT way~ ;3

Conclusion

So!

Almost a month after I started and many pages later I am done with what was supposed to be a quick little writeup of ‘things I tend to tell people when text hypnosis comes up’, and knowing me I will continue to edit and add to this as I think of new things.

However! It is done for now, and I hope my rambling was useful as well as entertaining. :3

I am more than glad to expand upon anything I’ve written, my DMs are open for questions or you can track me down in a discord server and ask there, I’m in a few different ones. ^-^

#hypnosis #text hypnosis #guide #of sorts?#mostly just me rambling #all the things I usually say in defense of text hypno #^^"

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wedreamedlove · 4 years

Text

Bai Qi’s Vitality [Character Study]

Essay train chugging away at full speed here, haha. This comparison came into my mind while I was ruminating over Xu Mo's post and it was actually what made me jump the gun to push out Xu Mo's before I read his Prison Date (more accurately Imprisoned Dreams Date...) because this essay for Bai Qi jumps off of Xu Mo's post.

Disclaimer: I use CN translations and also spoiler warning for R&S synopses for end of Season 1.

First, I want to quote some lines from weibo user @我写文太差被关了起来 (lit. "My writings are so bad I got locked up" LOL) whose post I don't really agree with, but she wrote these three lines for Bai Qi that sunk its claws into me and won't leave:

"If I can only choose one word to describe Bai Qi then I would choose 'vitality'."

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."

If Xu Mo both yearns for companionship [Loneliness] but is innately separated from the world [Into Your World] and ruthless to himself in accepting that furthering his goals may continue to keep him alone, then Bai Qi is separated and aloof from the world by choice.

If Xu Mo has a detached view and an intellectual curiosity or fixation on the abstract concept of survival of humanity, then Bai Qi is down on the ground experiencing the world in its natural state and trying to protect it, individual by individual.

I'm not saying one is better than the other (they're both my biases) but it's neat to contrast them. I've mentioned here and there that the LovePro men are foils for each other in interesting ways.

Anyway, I wrote this piece [Price of Freedom] but there was a missing link I had a hard time articulating and now it's been delivered to me! So, while Bai Qi has made MC his home and the North Star he always goes towards, he can actually survive on his own because of his innate core of justice.

I know it's a common thought that Bai Qi revolves around MC too much and she's like a goddess placed on a pedestal because she gave him a new life, but what I want to argue is that while she did give him a new lease on life she isn't the sole meaning of his existence.

MC is incredibly important to Bai Qi, but the quote below shows what she really gave him when he awakened his Evol from her piano playing.

"His existence didn't need a so-called father, what people called friends, or an accepted meaning." [Campus Date]

He becamse self-actualized right then and there. He doesn't need to rely on anyone or anything to live now except for what he himself decides on.

Now, I'm going to plop an entire scene from his [Fullmoon Date] because it's going to lead into my next points. Please keep in mind the words from the weibo user at the top:

(But also, why did Elex translate the entire date into present tense? Ballsy LOL. Not only does it break consistency from their previous dates but the source text was in past tense and not written for present tense.)

The full moon was reflected in his eyes and in my muddled state I could faintly hear the growl issued from his throat.

His claws slowly grew and tore into his palm. A blood-red light gathered in the center of his hand and it became a sparkling crimson heart-shaped crystal.

Wizard: Bai Qi, do you really think you can defeat me?

Wizard: If you could, then you wouldn't have chained yourself here together with me for so many years.

Bai Qi: It's different now.

Wizard: What?

Wizard: Haha, don't tell me you're going to throw away your humanity? Then you really will become a monster that is neither human nor beast!

Bai Qi: I don't care.

Bai Qi lowered his head and looked deeply at the girl in his embrace, a tenderness in his eyes that he never had before.

He softly brushed the hair on her forehead and leaned close to her ear, gentle but unwilling to say goodbye.

Bai Qi: I'm very lucky.

Bai Qi: That, right before I fell into the darkness, there was someone who caught me.

Bai Qi: Whether it was apple pie or lemon pie, the things you made... they were all delicious.

Bai Qi: I wanted to lie down on the grass with you and take a nap. I could have also lent you my tail as a pillow.

Bai Qi: I wanted to be able to grab your hand every time you ran, not as a hunter and their prey and not for training.

Bai Qi: Thank you, [MC].

Wizard: What are you mumbling about?

Bai Qi didn't concern himself with the wizard's provocation and he carefully placed the girl's body in a safe corner. The next time he raised his head, his face was filled with resolve.

In the next second, he crushed the crystal in his hand.

Pausing here to point out the epic callbacks Papergames always does. I checked the ENG and while there was no problems there, the CN text echoed the same structure entirely.

"Then I'm very lucky. There was someone who caught me right before I hit the bottom." [CH7.18]

"And you saved me. Don't lower your head, look at me. Don't feel insecure and don't feel like you're useless. You caught me again right before I hit the bottom." [CH15.7]

"The day I met her, there were gingko leaves drifting and falling slowly through the air, and it was the most beautiful time in late autumn. It was also the darkest time of my life. But she was the one who caught me tightly when I fell." [Spring Festival Date]

Returning back to the [Fullmoon Date]:

I slowly stood up, shivering uncontrollably, but I did my best to keep up a smile and carefully walked towards him.

Bai Qi: Stay away from me!!

MC: ......

His voice was hoarse and rough. The snow gradually lightened and softly fell onto that enormous body, like a sad but gentle embrace.

Bai Qi: Don't...

Bai Qi: ... Don't look at me.

My mind was filled with Bai Qi's face and, before today, I couldn't have imagined the close calls and fights he had experienced.

He would wag his tail in happiness and, when he was displeased, his ears would twitch back and forth, selling him out.

His hair was soft and his hands full of calluses, but when squeezed they were warm.

MC: Bai Qi, now I finally know why you were trapped here.

MC: You locked yourself up, right?

Bai Qi: ......

MC: All these years, it was to protect the townspeople and to fight that wizard.

Bai Qi tensed his body and I slowly raised my voice, repeating my conclusions again.

MC: You chained yourself here to protect others.

MC: In order not to let people come close, did you spread the rumors about eating Red Riding Hood yourself?

MC: Everyone is terrified of you, hates you, and calls you a monster, but you still protect them.

I approached him, bit by bit, and the snow fell into the corners of my eyes, slowly dripping down.

MC: This Big Bad Wolf of yours... you aren't qualified at all.

Bai Qi: ... These are just your guesses.

MC: Then you can tell me.

MC: No matter how many times it's said, as long as you talk to me, I'll listen.

Bai Qi: NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE A MONSTER!

MC: I believe.

MC: Besides, you aren't a monster.

MC: Let's go home. I'll bring you your favorite apple pie tomorrow.

Bai Qi slowly turned around and the snow fell into his pained eyes. I saw him remain in place.

Bai Qi: ... You aren't scared of me?

MC: I'm scared.

Bai Qi: Then why...?

MC: But I... want to understand you, little by little. I want to understand the real you.

It was impossible for me to imagine how many times he had once been misunderstood and been attacked. He sifted through this heap of suffering, again and again, but all he managed to save up was a bit of sweetness.

Yet he relied on this sweetness to solidify himself into a voiceless and silent blade, standing up steadfast in the abyss and never wavering.

My hand finally touched Bai Qi's "hand". His claws were pointed and held no warmth.

MC: You defeated that wizard, right?

Bai Qi: ......

Bai Qi: Mm, he's gone.

MC: Fairytales always write about knights and a prince on a white horse defeating the evil wizard and protecting the peace of the country.

Bai Qi: I'm not as great as you say and I've never thought about changing the way others look at me.

Bai Qi: I just use my own way... to be who I want to be.

Bai Qi: I'm not that prince on a white horse written in fairytales.

MC: Prince Charming certainly wouldn't be like how you are now.

His ears trembled and it was like he suffered a bit of a blow.

MC: Prince Charming always has to ride on a horse, wear a stylish cape, and wield a golden glittering sword.

MC: He has to always be graceful and maintain a heroic appearance.

Bai Qi: ......

MC: He wouldn't be like you, in such dire straights and so miserable, even giving up your own freedom.

MC: Even being beaten black and blue, with a bloody nose and swollen face, and yet crawling up out of the mud to go and protect other people.

MC: How is this a prince on a white horse?

His claws trembled slightly and his tail drooped down. His gaze was stuck to the ground, as if he were waiting for some sort of judgment.

MC: Bai Qi, you're a hero.

After he heard my words, his head shot up and those amber eyes were filled with doubt and shock.

MC: Even when you're covered in injuries and your clothes are ripped and torn, you still continue to stand in front of everyone.

MC: Even if there was no glory or reward, you would continue to use your own way to protect them. To protect me.

MC: You're the most foolish of heroes.

MC: But you're also... my hero.

First, more callbacks to Bai Qi's view about other people:

"At that time he said to me, 'Since you can't change the way others look at you, why not just follow your heart and do what you want to do.' These words had a great impact on me." [Campus Date]

"When did I ever care about other people's views? Except for yours, I don't care about any others." [Wish Date]

HONESTLY, the entire prince vs. hero speech the MC gave was just so darn good. The bit about how he crawls through the mud, battered and bruised, to continue protecting people? I had to take a moment after reading that and recalled the weibo user's line about how she would describe Bai Qi with just the word "vitality". The crazy thing is that they wrote this BEFORE Halloween was even announced.

Now, coming back to this essay, this is showing how he can live without the heroine. That was exactly what he was doing in [Fullmoon Date]; she gives more meaning and softness to his life, but he wasn't living an empty life before her either. Like he said, he was just doing what he wanted to do and being the person he wanted to be.

(whispers) He doesn't wish to love the world. He has always loved the world.

The winter world version of him shows this incredibly well. Yes, he was cold and curt towards MC throughout the whole thing but he also had that unchangeable core of kindness and justice and, as I mentioned in my Xu Mo post, MC draws her strength from how Bai Qi is always the same.

[Rumors & Secrets: Lost]

"How is he?"

Bai Qi's voice sounded and everyone in the rehearsal hall turned their heads to look in the direction of the door. The man's wounds had already been treated simply and there was a small gauze taped on his left cheek.

The female team member, who was in charge of comforting the man, gave a forced smile: "Not too good. I think he still needs..."

Before she finished speaking, the man suddenly shuddered violently. He gripped the blanket on his body tightly and tried to hide himself inside. His eyes shook and his expression was guarded as he carefully stared at Bai Qi's movements. The look in his eyes was as if he was watching a monster. The female team member nodded her head, a bit awkwardly, at Bai Qi and hurriedly brought the man away. When they passed beside Bai Qi, she heard that man muttering to himself.

"Monster..."

Bai Qi also heard it, but he only looked at the piano beside the window indifferently. That spotless white color was stained with blood, looking extremely wrong.

"Clean everything up."

Everyone who was stunned in their place came back to themselves and rushed to resume their actions. The short man sidled over to Bai Qi and it took him a long time before he could say: "Captain Bai, don't mind that..."

Bai Qi didn't say anything and only lightly nodded his head. He really didn't put what had happened just now in his mind, or perhaps one could say he was already used to it.

He saved many people under the hands of different criminals: some would thank him, others would be terrified to the point of being unable to speak, but the majority of them, after seeing his power, would see all Evolvers as monsters.

Look! LOOK! He continues doing his job even without knowing the MC and protecting others, despite whatever people think of him and say about him.

MC's presence in his life gives him:

"She's the one who told me I could live more strongly, and she's also the one who told me I could live more gently." [Spring Festival Date]

Her love gives him the sweetness his world is lacking, but he doesn't need it either. Again, I want to emphasize that it doesn't make it any less important and they're probably both halves of the whole that makes up the Bai Qi we all know and love, but he won't have the gaping hole and conflict that Xu Mo is going through LOL.

Okay, now we're going into extreme spoiler territory where these R&S synopses show Bai Qi's perspective before the end of the world and Season 1.

[CN Weibo Topic: Before the Comet Strike]

Looking up at the clear sky, before the world was displaced, the memories imprinted on our minds would not be erased.

[Frontier: A Message Unable to be Passed On]

At the last second, he was still quietly organizing and protecting this city.

The words he ordinarily wouldn't say in front of you turned into gentle whispers that melted into the night breeze.

The answer and door at the end of the world would surely be revealed in the near future.

[CN Fearless ER - Rumors & Secrets: Frontier]

Bai Qi leaned against his motorcycle and suddenly felt that what he had always protected in the past—what that girl had always protected in the past—was not only the entire city and this world, including the people who weren't willing to give up on anything, but also the most ordinary and small things in life.

It was to have a not-so-big place, a hot steaming breakfast in the morning, a light for him when he returned home late, and the one phrase "Welcome home".

"It would have been nice if that could have lasted a bit longer."

I can't translate this entire R&S because there's too much context and build up missing, but the important takeaway is his utter conviction in the MC and how he wants her to continue running forward without looking back and his belief in how their destinations will always overlap. If they continue to move forward, he believes they'll definitely meet again.

MY HEART. BECAUSE HIS DESTINATION IS ALWAYS HER!

I've always mentioned that MC and Bai Qi parallel each other so much that they're almost like mirrors. They both prioritize justice, the lives of ordinary and innocent people, and they are each other's source of courage, motivation, and determination to keep moving.

They add to each other's lives, but they don't need each other in order to keep getting up after falling and fighting for their belief of protecting the world and their loved ones.

Lastly, to finish off my new ode of love for Bai Qi, I'm going to end with the weibo user's words again:

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."

#love and producer #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc gavin #mlqc bai qi #love and produc(ing) meta

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recentanimenews · 4 years

Text

OPINION: How Umineko Changed My Entire Approach to Fictional Media

All screenshots captured on Playstation 3 by author

The following article contains a discussion of thematic elements and motives that appear during the second half of Umineko When They Cry. While no actual plot details will be revealed, some might still consider it spoilery. So if you want to experience one of the greatest pieces of fiction ever completely untainted, you should check it out on Steam right now.

The internet is pretty rad, isn't it? You can follow your favorite creators, watch tons of awesome shows, and talk about your favorite things with other people. How about we do that right now? Well, too bad, because YOUR FAVORITE THING IS BAD, ACTUALLY! You made the mistake of posting about it online, so prepare to be sent lots of negative comments linking to 5-hour video essays pointing out every single flaw about your favorite story and why you are wrong for enjoying it!

It's a situation I'm sure many of us have experienced at least a couple of times online. While the internet can be fantastic for finding like-minded people to chat with about things you deeply love, it can also be a gamble and sometimes you end up in a discussion where your conversational partner seems more interested in showing off their intellectual superiority over a work instead of openly discussing its merits or flaws. I certainly know — I used to be one of them.

"As I've eaten my way through countless tales to escape boredom, I haven't really been eating them. I've just been killing them." - Hachijo Tohya

The rise of social media has opened the gates for some incredible in-depth discussion and has changed the way I experience things over the years. But there is also a dark side to the discussions on the internet and that is the trap of wanting to feel intelligent in how you approach stories, which is often accompanied by not really being emotionally earnest. I myself tried to come off as perceptive by pointing out so many mistakes and bad things about media which led to exactly one thing: me becoming absolutely miserable. All I cared about was consuming as many things as possible (FOMO's also one of the many downsides of social media) and appearing as "smart" about them as I could. Until one fateful 10-month stretch in which I played a certain visual novel known as Umineko When They Cry.

Umineko really is tailor-made for catching people with that mindset: It depicts a mystery story about how mystery stories are told and consumed — and what genre would be more fitting to challenge someone concerned with intellectual superiority than one that is all about the clash of Author vs Reader?

"Books aren't a competition. It's not about who's read the most. But boasting that you've read all your ever need to read is just as wrong-headed" - Battler Ushiromiya

Umineko starts off with a well-known mystery trope: A family meets up in a mansion on a distant island, gets cut off by a storm, and then slowly gets murdered one after the other until everyone is dead. And just as in Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None (which served as one of Umineko's main inspirations), a bottle detailing the events of the incident to the public eventually washes ashore. But this only serves as Umineko's prologue, as its main character Battler quickly finds himself facing off against a self-proclaimed Golden Witch known as Beatrice on a meta-narrative level where he must prove these gruesome killings could have been committed by a human culprit, or be forced to acknowledge her existence and allow her to fully revive.

Thus begins a game of chess filled with exceedingly preposterous murders in which our protagonist's family gets killed by demons, giant goat butlers, and sharpshooting bunny girls — all supplemented by the so-called Red Truth, a truth-revealing tell not unlike Martha's vomiting in Knives Out. Battler must use these authorial proclamations and find a loophole that enables him to explain the murders in a way that does not frame any of his beloved family members as the killer and still allows him to deny the existence of the gruesome and torturous witch.

Umineko's all about how stories are perceived and told by both their creator and their audience. It explores how remarks by the author in every situation — no matter how off-hand they might be — can be used, applied, and twisted to shed a completely different light on a story regardless of its original intent. It shows how adding meaning to a narrative that wasn't meant to be there can both add to or subtract from its most important element: The heart its creator wanted to convey.

"If I had found meaning in only exposing the truth, I would have sunk to the level of a truth-revealing witch and fallen into ruin, spreading only hatred, [...], crushing and refusing to acknowledge anything but the particular truth I seek, unable to escape the cycle of misery." - Ange Ushiromiya

Umineko goes through many different angles of how we create, share, and discuss the tales that fuel our discourse. It ponders the importance of rules when creating storylines and tackles how easy it is to overlook major themes and motives by just focussing on minute details that are open to misinterpretation and irrelevant to a story's soul. It even includes the typical misanthropic yet oh so intelligent detective that usually gets idolized in most media (think BBC's Sherlock or House, M.D.) and puts them at odds with every other character because who would really want to cooperate with someone that completely disregards you as an equal human being and merely perceives you as an amalgation of hints, motives and alibis?

"Sheesh! Just one more step and I'd have been able to take a heart as innocent as the smooth sand just after a wave had pulled back and tear it to bits. What a shame. This isn't fun anymore." - Erika Furudo

And just when you start to really get into Umineko, it moves away from its main conflict, providing you important hints for its solution which most readers ignore as they aren't presented with facts and logic but on an emotional level distanced from the characters we long to get back to. But most importantly, it conveys how one single element is so indispensable to enjoying the narrative odysseys we embark on in our lives, to cherishing the characters that are presented to us in these tales, and to truly understand a story's message behind things like story developments, plot twists, and narrative tricks. I, of course, am talking about love.

Be it the love you feel for characters, for certain staging elements, phrasings of prose, orchestrations of music, design of sound effects, implementations of themes and motives, or cinematographic puzzle pieces — the one thing that is indispensable to truly enjoy all kinds of media, is love. Or, to quote Umineko directly, "Without love, it cannot be seen."

By the time, I was nearing the end of Umineko's eight main chapters, it had transformed from an intellectual battle between author and reader to an all-out war of a story against its community of readers who simply wanted to tear it down to cold, hard "facts." I had spent ten months and over 100 hours. The first half took eight of those months to get through (owing to a few lengths in Episodes 2 and 4), I finished the second half in less than two despite my busy schedule. I even dedicated a whole 15-hour marathon to the final episode as I was too glued to the grand finale to move away from it.

A new me came out the end. I no longer had an interest in tearing apart media for minor missteps. I enjoyed them much more deeply and honestly and began taking my time with the things I consumed. Instead of filling my plate at the buffet of stories as much as I could, I gave each dish its own course on the menu so I could appreciate its flavor in a different way — one bite at a time and not stuffed up simply to give the outward appearance of a seasoned gourmet. And for that, I will never be able to thank Ryukishi07 and his co-creators at 07thExpansion enough.

"The point of theory-making is not to create a culprit or to trample the truths that lie in the hearts of those who have not sinned. If you want to play detective, don't neglect the heart. Otherwise, we're just intellectual rapists. Don't forget it!!" - Willard H. Wright

If you are interested in reading Umineko When They Cry, you can find both its Question Arcs and its Answer Arcs on Steam, GOG, and MangaGamer. You can also read the manga adaptation digitally on Bookwalker (though I personally recommend the visual novel for its award-worthy soundtrack alone).

What work of fiction has touched your life in a profound way? Tell us in the comments!

René Kayser works for Crunchyroll as a PR and Social Media Manager in Germany. You can find him on Twitter @kayserlein where he tries to get people into Umineko every single day.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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gatheringbones · 4 years

Note

if you're so inclined, could you talk about manipulating that disgust/revulsion response in your audience more? your posts about the way that response is used in border/confessions of the fox vs in It have been bouncing around my head for months now and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it - particularly relating to your own writing process/advice? which has been incredibly helpful for rethinking a lot of the negativity in my own writing process so thank you btw

Revulsion is powerful, and most people obey its directives without giving it a second thought, which is why it can be an incredibly powerful tool in your arsenal when used correctly. Revulsion also plays a huge unspoken role in how people internalize and navigate a lot of queer concepts and terminology, and like I said before, a lot of people obey revulsion's directives in their interactions with the community without examining where those directives come from.

I didn't come out as a lesbian thinking butch and trans and other gender non-conforming people were beautiful; I emerged from my family environment and dominant culture hating how much my appearance and sexuality failed my standards of gender and I projected that hatred outwards in all directions. Identifying gender-aberrant flaws and gushing about them between each other was how the people in my family reassured ourselves that at least we knew the difference, that we knew how to portray gender and presentation correctly, and everyone who failed those standards was pathetic, deluded, or worst of all: trying too hard. Feeling repulsed by someone's appearance, for whatever reason, had a ready-made response programmed into my brain since earliest childhood; it was wrong, it was shameful, it was a chicken with a spot of red paint on it that all us other chickens would promptly peck to death. It's a trap.

It isolates you, and it's a weapon you think only turns outward, but that's not how it works. I came out ten years ago, but I've written before about how long it took me to take even the smallest baby steps out of my comfort zone and my mostly straight social circle, and how long it took me to start to learn even the smallest amount without thoroughly distracting myself by sorting every last shred of gay culture into the GOOD/BAD category as soon as I encountered it. Hannah Gadsby described me perfectly; I had a child's mind steeped in shame from the moment it was born and looking back at those early years all I can see is how bottomless my internalized homophobia really was.

Going to the lesbian book club helped enormously: I could read a book and deride the entire thing as repulsive incoherent trash, and then I would sit through a group of twenty adults who would gently and joyfully pick the book apart between each other over two hours and in doing so expose every single one of my blind spots one after another. My automatic responses to things that triggered my (unexamined, surface level, deeply prejudicial) thoughts on power, sexuality, and gender were terrible guides to the books we were reading, and thank god I kept attending long enough to notice it. I needed better guides; I didn't know what they would be, but I knew I was on the wrong track where I was. I was missing too much information; information that made the smarter and older people in my community get so excited and happy when they got a chance to talk about it with each other. For the first time I realized how much of an island my prissiness and prickliness and purity had put me on (and how easily everyone in that room could see through it, sigh) and all I wanted to do was start building a raft.

Did it go away? Not at first, and not quickly; I didn't much like Confessions of the Fox the first time I read it, but I didn't like Dagger: On Butch Women either, or Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. I had a very hard time with Rae Spoon's chapters in Gender Failure, and the Sex, Lies, and Penetration essay in the Persistent Desire, and now, christ, all of those works have combined to form what feels like the bedrock of my identity. I couldn't read the smut books I love so much five years ago; everything about them would have tripped too many alarm bells in my head labeled "CHEESY" or "BAD" that were really just code for "GAY." My skin crawled with every piece of wreckage or palm tree I added to my raft, but that was just a response like any other, neither more interesting or important than any others. Emotional responses are information, not commands, and I knew the difference by now. I got over it, with the side effect that I now have great sympathy for people still stuck in the same cringing territories I was, but very little patience.

But as for using it in your writing:

Confessions of the Fox is master level, so's Border.

Beginner's level? good old gross Stephen King.

He often uses the dumbest laziest shorthand for it, but apart from the times when he's accidentally inciting revulsion (every time he writes about a pre-pubescent girl, for example), he's very deliberate about when and where he uses it. Revulsion is tension, it moves you away from an element, depending on how well he sets his hooks in you he can control which direction you go.

How do you feel about Franny from the Stand after her first few chapters of putting up with Harold? How does Bobby Garfield feel about his mother's boss? How does his mother feel about Ted? How dangerous does the incunk from Lisey's Story seem when compared to the Long Boy during their encounter? How about Norman Daniels and Rose Madder? How determined must Jessie from Gerald's Game be to do that to her wrist? Why is Pennywise in the sewer, and how brave do you have to be to go down there?

How do the many consensual rituals of sacred fluids in Confessions of the Fox compare with the rituals they uncover in the hold of the ship? What does that say? Tina can't stand up to anyone in the entire movie until they suddenly shout down Vore; why, what drives them, why is it so powerful?

Revulsion is a tool, a smokescreen, a red flag you wave in front of a bull before sinking one more dart into its shoulder while it charges past. It's how you trick people, but it's also how you contextualize and contrast various story elements; watching a character put up with a revolting situation admirably makes them seem sympathetic or brave. Conversely, uncritically employing repulsive tropes (sexy children, magical Black people, magical people with Downs Syndrome, goddamnit steve) will cut the legs out from under your writing when you need them most.

#writing thoughts

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tonyglowheart · 4 years

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This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation.

#supernatural cw #I tag this for ppl who I know want nothing to do with spn rn and are blacklisting and so it doesn't end up in main tag #Anonymous #asks answered #long post

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lesbeet · 4 years

Text

not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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kyluxtrashpit · 4 years

Text

2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

#kylux #I started this back in december #but then shit happened and I just never had a chance to finish it #but I thought about it yesterday and was like fuck it this is happening #but anyway I do love everything I wrote this year #so I'm not going to be sad that there was less of it than I hoped #I'm proud of what I've accomplished #and I'm going to hold onto that and that's all I want from 2020 writing wise: to be happy with what I did #it's not about the volume #it's about my own personal happiness with it #but anyway #my fic #shut up nerd

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life-rewritten · 4 years

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THE GIANTS OF THAI BL 2020 AKA SHOWS STEALING MY HEART IN NOVEMBER

UPDATE AND UPCOMING ANALYSIS NOVEMBER 2020

It's the moment I've been waiting for since the excruciating silence of Thai BLS during the lockdown. It's November, the month of thanksgivings, the month of pre-Christmas jitters, nanowrimo and the month that has finally made me realise we are so close to ending this godforsaken year. Still, most of all, November means that we are getting buttloads of shows that are about to take my breath away. This year has been such an exciting year for BLS because of the increasingly amount of companies and directors willing to produce and release different types of BLS. In this list, we have awaited sequels, delicious plotlines and shocking comebacks. But most of all we have lots and lots of romance and men. Which of these have you been waiting for? Let me know. Let's squeal about it. November is going to be so great!

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

Shows already airing

1.I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU/ INTERPRET, MY LOVE, WITH YOUR HEART

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship

Country: Thailand

Verdict: So finally I rise from the memories of poorly produced bls, and pains of bad acting, and toxic writings, and traumas of stiff actors and homophobic agendas to finally say that without a doubt. Nadao has produced another masterpiece after my other favourite (Non) BL; Greater Man academy. Nadao stuns me, and for a very long time, I couldn't understand that this was how everyone was feeling, one because I wasn't fully educated or in the know about the company, I only saw tv shows in Thailand that were produced by GMMTV and to be honest I didn't think there was anything else above that standard in shows apart from Lakorns and Movies. (I know Sacrebleu) Getting to know and watch Nadao shows has been an experience, and for BL, I am hooked and ready for what else they have to offer. The only qualms that prevent me from gushing about the show are how international fans are treated. It took me a very long time to forgive ITSAY for its subbing platform (and price range), and that's why I refused to watch it with positive feelings. After episode 2 though, I'd be a fool to hold on to resentment when there is no doubt that this BL (despite not knowing if it's a sad ending. I'd hate if it is but it wouldn't change anything) is the best BL of this year. With ridiculous, incredible production, outstanding breathtaking cinematography, beautiful and talented actors and writing so good it blows me away. Episode 2 left my heart in pieces, but in a good way, I haven't recovered from the angst.

Ratings: 4.5/5 Would have been a 5/5 if the pricing made sense but also I'm terrified about a sad ending which I won't be too happy about.

2. FRIEND FOREVER/ OUR LOVE IS SICK

Genre/Themes: Romance, Music, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship, Rich vs poor, Bullying

Country: Thailand

Verdict: It's a pity this show is not available for international fans. Because I think people would actually love this show the way I do. It's so precious, reminds me so much of my first ever BL Lovesick (made by the same production team so makes sense) but better. What can I say about this show, really adorable cast, actually so good on the screen, great chemistry, and good storylines that keep me hooked. I am so in love with surprisingly one of my favourite couples this year Tin and Sea. I have such a great time watching this show, and I enjoy also analysing and just piecing together some of the mysteries in the show. It's been so good so far, and I can't wait for more. The first episodes are a little slow-paced, but it gets better as you keep watching it. I'd advise you to watch the director's cut because that has all of the storylines in the episode instead of the tv version which is more censored and has a lot of deleted scenes that mess with the flow of the storyline. Still, one of my favourite Thai shows right now.

Ratings: 4/5 I think 4/5 is a fair score just because of some confusion when trying to watch it internationally and getting the right version and I do think the story feels like a whiplash between the different styles of writing of the main two couples. Go watch this though if you haven't, dm me and I'll show you how.

NON-THAI

3. GAYA SA PELIKULA

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, LGBTQ+ Education, Contract relationship, Haters to lovers

Country: Philippines

Verdict: Normally with verdicts, I have so much to say about a show, also when I analyse I can write essays and essays of information. When it comes to this show, I'm speechless. I'm in awe; I'm crying just even trying to explain how great this show is. How great Fridays are because of this show. How upsetting and damaged I am when the end of the episode occurs, I literally mourn waiting for the next episode the next week because it's too long. This show pulls you in, and it never lets you go. I'm mindblown by the writing of this show, mindblown by the acting, by the production, music, but most of all I have become a mess because of this meta in this show. I have cried so much because of how much I care about this show, the characters are all fleshed out, are so powerfully written, and emotionally tugs at your heartstrings whilst still educating and representing LGBTQ community fantastically. I don't know what we did to deserve a show like this. Maybe its because after years of waiting for something to finally show up and just be unproblematic and be so great with no questions, no confusions, no struggle, this show is just that. And I will be forever thankful to the whole team that brought this to us

Ratings: 5/5 I would give this more than 5 if I could. That's how much this show means to me.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

Genre/Themes: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Office drama, Slice of Life

Country: Japan

Verdict: Kurosawa and Adachi. That's it. That's the reason for the 5/5 stars when it comes to watching this show. First of all, I like Japanese romantic comedy shows, and anime, and manga. So seeing cherry magic come to life as this amazing form of that makes me so happy. Typically with Japanese BL, everything feels so serious sometimes, and then sometimes it feels too crazy and over the top. But Cherry Magic just feels like a warm hug when you watch it; you can't help your self but to smile and giggle at Adachi's adventures realising that he can read minds because he's a virgin at 30 years old. To add to that, he is given Kurosowa this incredible, amazing, wonderful non-toxic man who absolutely adores him and unconditionally is there for him. I just like what? Where do I get my own Kurosawa? Like it just feels so unfair haha. But really cherry magic is full of great acting, fantastic plot and unique as well. Every character is also written well, and all have interesting dynamics. We also have another side couple who is so funny and ridiculous but also just cute and heartwarming. I have a great time watching this show and the fact that it's ending on Christmas day? Already tells you what this show is, a gift and its a great one.

Ratings: 5/5 I want my own Kurosawa. That's it. That's all I want Universe.

Shows Upcoming

5. THARNTYPE 7 YEARS OF LOVE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Mature, LGBTQ+ Representation, Internalised homophobia, Sequel

Country: Thailand

Verdict: This is a complicated show to gush about. First of all TharnType, the series in 2019 was one of my favourite shows that brought me back to this BL thing. I absolutely adore all the actors, and I also loved the storyline like I said before there's something about Mame's writing that I appreciate, I think most of her strengths is found in TharnType. Because of this, this sequel is one of my most anticipated show this year. However, I feel conflicted because I hate sequels. I hate couples having to go through the weird-ass, shallow, conflicts that just end up ruining the meaning of their previous show and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about the couple I once loved (Looking at you Together with me the next chapter still traumatised honestly). Enough of the negatives, Tharn and Type from the trailer looks like it's going to be a wild ride, I can even see the great chemistry that made me fall for MewGulf, and I'm so excited to see the new couples and characters. I also am so excited to see TECHNO again and laugh with him every Friday. We also know that the awaited wedding between our couple is also going to be in this show. And that's going to make me bawl like a baby. Let's hope we don't have too many toxic or troublesome storylines, let's hope we don't have too many breakups and fights (because that hurts so much seeing Mew cry) and let's hope we finally have a sequel that is better than its predecessor.

Ratings: 4.5/5 This is how I feel about it, I don't think I can rate it as 5/5 because of all the worry and anxiety at what the storyline entails—still a great show to look forward to.

6. MANNER OF DEATH

Genre/Themes: Romance, Crime, Mature, Angst, Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Think about it. Why wouldn't this be number one on everyone's list of upcoming BLS? We have the return of one of the best actors in this genre MaxTul the actual godfathers of Thai BL; we have an incredible team here with a director that has won multiple awards, with a storyline that is unique to Thai BL, we're getting crime, detective, mystery BL with mature characters who are not in university? As if that's not enough, we also have a really incredible plotline about this forensic doctor who falls in love with someone who we are not sure if we should trust because he could be a murderer! Like oooh yes please, the drama, the angst, the thrill?? I'm ready for this; I am so prepared to give my whole heart and attention on this show. I want it to be so good, to defeat the shows of 2019 that came and took our hearts away, to be the best BL ever. It's so difficult not to raise my expectations when it comes to this show when I know we have a great cast, great chemistry, non-stiff acting, and just a really non-toxic author as well. I look forward to this so much. Only issue/question? Where is the trailer? Hello WETV, where is our teaser? Why don't we know the date for when this is coming out? I want it out now. But I'll try and be patient okay?

Ratings: 5/5 I can't think of how this show won't be good. And that's really worrying. But for now, I'll keep my expectations high and wait.

7. TONHON CHONTALEE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Coming of Age, Angst, Comedy, Childhood friendship, GMMTV

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Podd and KHAOTHUNG, (my sun, my heart, my favourite person ever) Sorry just gushing over my two faves. GMMTV has shocked me this year with the announcement of this show. First of all, Khao gets to have a show where he's the main lead. I've been waiting for this, and I'm so proud and excited for him. Not only that obviously, but TonTonChontalee looks really good with a vibe of a comedic spin to one of my favourite shows Theory of love. I am ready to see Podd act so stupid as Ton and at the same time sob when he finally realises that Chon is the one. I'm so ready to see Khao act his socks off, and the show looks so funny, so fun and just like the chemistry between two is definitely a winner. I cannot wait for this next Friday. And it also has Mike and Toptap! What's not to love? Seriously though I'm praying this is successful, and it helps both Podd and Khao to dominate GMMTV. Let's find out next Friday.

Ratings: 5/5 For Podd and Khaothung. Just worth the rating.

8. GEN Y THE SERIES

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, 2moons Fanfiction, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: First of all 2 MOONS Reunion! What?? Very shocked to see this show tbh one because it's like a direct copy of 2moons the series; the same cast, the weird alternations to the same name, the same kind of plot as well. Channel 3 has finally decided to invest in BLs, one of the biggest companies in Thailand, so the budget is high, the actors are known and famous, the production is good. This is so exciting to see. Also, 2moons was one of my favourite past BLs the whole time it was airing, and I had a massive affinity for Kimmon and Copter, so it's great to see them play their characters again but with a better budget and now glow up and grown. Their acting seems to have improved, Kit and Ming's storyline being the main focus is also really lovely to see. I also love seeing Bas and the other actors from other Bl series (The Moment actors) and I'm excited to know more about the new cast as well. So yeh this show has a great potential to win my heart as well, and the competition is not easy at all. But with a great company behind them and an exciting premise, this can also be a winner.

Ratings: 4/5 I'm intrigued by this show, and I look forward to seeing what it brings.

November is such an exciting month for someone like me who just loves watching tv and analysing and just seeing romance bloom. These couples, stories and actors have a great potential to be the best things of 2020 so far, each of these shows holds evidence that they're worth paying attention to and honestly I've missed seeing Thai BLs that make me so excited so much. I've missed these actors, I've loved each and every one of them, and I can't wait to see them this month on my screen. What about you, guys? What do you look forward to? Who are your favourites? What are you worried about when it comes to these comebacks. Let's discuss.

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veryangryhedgehog · 5 years

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Man of Medan: AKA Let me Throw my Money at your Face Supermassive

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these little analysis things, and I doubt this one will be very long (just kidding I lied), but I’ve been playing Man of Medan, the first episode of the new “Dark Pictures” anthology by Supermassive games, and I think you can tell by the title exactly how I feel about it.

(As a note, I will be discussing the contents of the game, so SPOILERS ahead)

First of all, let me just start by saying that I am a huge fan of horror in general, but especially of horror anthologies. There’s just something about the format that fits in so well with this particular genre, one that is often more about eliciting a certain kind of emotion or feeling from the audience vs. any grand character studies or morals to be shared. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great as well, as a writer becoming known for my massive amounts of character (a large number of which I kill off) I understand entirely. But horror in particular is a genre best encapsulated by its brevity. The shorter and more visceral it is, the less you have to explain, and often the more terrifying or thought-provoking.

Another benefit of the anthology format is the ability to explore a larger amount of ideas in a shorter amount of time. And horror is of course, all about its ideas. So the instant I heard that Supermassive was going to create a series of shorter horror stories in the format of its previous game “Until Dawn” I was immediately excited. I held back a little, holding onto the fear that sequels are often worse off than their predecessors, and that lightning doesn’t often strike twice. I am pleased as punch to admit that my caution was entirely unwarranted.

Keep in mind, I have never actually played “Until Dawn”. I have seen two different Let’s Plays of it, but I feel as if I can’t truly judge a game without actually having played it myself. That’s kind of the purpose of a video game. Thusly I will not be making a whole ton of comparisons between the two works, but rather discussing “Man of Medan”, or MoM as I will abbreviate it as, on what I have observed and its own merits.

However, the one point of comparison I will have to make is between its two “framing devices,” mostly because I think it’s interesting to compare these two with the themes of their respective games. Until Dawn had a psychiatrist character, and many of its themes were related to the characters and their interpersonal relationships. I think people who claimed that the “choices didn’t actually matter that much” in the game were incorrect, as the choices weren’t so much based on how the story went moreso than how many characters made it out and how their relationships with each other changed.

A lot of this theme of character interaction carries over to MoM, but at the same time I feel like there’s a much larger emphasis put on the concepts of the tales, as horror anthologies are wont to do, and the plays and twists on tropes that the creators can make. Thusly, MoM trades out the psychiatrist for the Curator. I will say that personally, I like the Curator better as a character. The psychiatrist was meant more to scare you, whereas the Curator has a deeper sense of disquiet to him. It’s more subtle, and it shows that while MoM does have a lot of “jump scare” moments to please the masses, it also contains that hint of genuine creativity and understanding of its genre. Also, for those of you who read Ede Valley, I think it will be obvious to you why I like this character so much. Or maybe not quite yet.

On the topic of its creators, I was incredibly impressed with the writers’ understanding of tropes and their uses in Until Dawn--I always hated when people complained that its characters were “weak” or “annoying” because once again, they completely misunderstood the creators’ intentions--and Man of Medan continues to impress on that front. To be fair, my friend (an actor) and myself (a writer) were able to guess what was really going on within about ten minutes of the game’s beginning, but even with that knowledge, it was still utterly fascinating for us to go through the game and seeing what the creators did with it.

Have you noticed that all of the characters see different things? (Special thanks to @allimiece for pointing this out.) Alex and Brad see pretty generic things, but Julia (who is unsure of her relationship) sees Alex trying to attack her, Fliss (who is relatively superstitious and cautious) sees cults and rituals, and Conrad, most interesting of all, has his own hornyness turned against him in the form of a pretty pinup girl turning into an ugly crone and hunting him down.

I am sincerely impressed with the amount of thought that went into the writing of this tale. As with its predecessor, these characters are not the smartest people. They are a little older than their wendigo-chow counterparts, in a slightly different phase of their lives, but still kind of idiots. But that’s the point. Sure, there’s some incredibly cheesy lines here or there, but all of it is done with this knowledge of “yeah, we know this is really stupid too. Look at this fucking idiot. You wanna kill him, right?”

But not only that, I am even more impressed with the thought and care that went into absolutely every detail of this game. I decided to go and watch some of the small featurettes that came with the game, as I’ve always been a sucker for behind-the-scenes stuff. This is actually what prompted the writing of this essay. Because in those featurettes, the creators talked about the amount of thought and love that went into every aspect of the game, down to hiring a costume designer and getting swatches for the Curator’s potential clothes, down to the details on his fucking desk and the hours of thought about the lighting in his repository, and I was utterly astounded (and honestly a little cowed, I wish I could write some of my stories with as much effort).

I’ve always held the belief that if you put a lot of love and a lot of effort into a work of art, it will really show. And sometimes this will elevate a work from great to stellar, and now if I ever need a ready example of this, I can point to Man of Medan. You can truly tell that everyone involved with this project really cared about what they were doing, and about making something truly great, and every second of screentime just bleeds it.

I’ve played through the game about 2 and a half times now, once in multiplayer, and once in single, and it ran so smoothly and wonderfully and I only ever experienced a few minor graphical glitches (which are slightly worse in the multiplayer, but that’s most likely out of Supermassive’s control). Even my friend who is a professional business man was highly impressed with it, so much so that he was wondering how much money it would take to buy Supermassive (keep dreaming, Wimdy, keep dreaming).

So yeah, Man of Medan is absolutely fantastic and if you haven’t experienced it yet, you should really just go buy it. It’s available on Steam for only $30, and is worth every penny. I understand that it’s very easy to simply go watch Lets Plays, especially of games that play mostly like movies such as this one, but Supermassive is not a huge AAA studio. They certainly don’t get the sales figures that say Call of Duty or even Assassin’s Creed receives. So if you can, please, please go support them in any way you can. MoM is an incredible game and I’m so excited to see what they come out with in the future.

(Also, Allimiece and I are so excited for Little Hope. The Crucible is our shit and we are over the moon about it!)

#man of medan #the dark pictures #analysis #supermassive games #essay #Anyone out there think I should video this up and post it on my channel?

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