#but his parents didn't got a divorce until he was 15 because they thought he was too young to deal with it yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

an-angels-fury · 5 months

Text

💙 My Modern Caspeter Headcanons 💙

Hey, Narnians! How are you? Here goes my first contribution to the fandom (and of course it would be about Caspeter because they are my new current obsession ❤️).

I want to make clear the headcanons are mostly based on the movie version of the characters (tbh I really need to reread the books).

Anyway, enjoy it.

P.S.: Forgive me for any grammar mistake, english's not my first language.

Warning(s): Slight mention of abuse (it happens outside of the relationship), implied NSFW stuff

Peter met Caspian for the first time when they were both 15. At the time, Caspian had just moved to the Pevensies' neightborhood with his uncle, his aunt and his baby cousin. Peter's mother convinced him and his siblings to pay a visit to the house across the street and welcome the new family. He didn't get very excited with the idea.

Something about Caspian made Peter strangely uncomfortable. Maybe it was the boyish way Caspian put his hands on the pockets of his ragged jeans, or his spanish accent, or how his long, wild black hair fell beautifully around his face and large shoulders. Or maybe it was the way Caspian's brown eyes found his blue ones and stared at them intensely from time to time, but suddenly looked away. Wait! Why is he paying so much attention to these details anyway?!

The fact his mother just got all excited with him and Caspian being about the same age, attending the same school and becoming best friends and all that bullshit just made Peter even more annoyed at this new pretty boy, who seemed destinated to be a very constant presence in his life from that moment on.

Peter would find in Caspian an adversary just as skilled (and just as competitive) as him in the P.E. classes, regardless of the sport. But it was in fencing that the situation really heated up between them. The trainer would even try to avoid putting Peter and Caspian to fight against each other because he saw that, whatever was going on between these two, they took it very VERY seriously.

Peter complained about Caspian a lot at home and everytime Edmund was around, the younger one would shout a joke about their "so obvious unresolved sexual tension" just to see his older brother's cheeks grow hot in anger and embarrassment (Ed: For the fuck's sake, just admit you dream about kissing Caspian under the moonlight and spare our ears from all this shit talk of yours! / Peter: I'd rather kiss a horse's ass!).

One day, in the school's yard, Peter got involved in a fight after trying to defend a younger boy from a group of bullies. He handled himself well for a while but It didn't last long. He was already getting his ass kicked until the last person he could ever imagine came to defend him: Caspian. Sadly, this whole thing took both the boys to the principal's office and one whole evening of detention.

After one hour of detention trying to distract himself, Peter's eyes found Caspian with his face in a black notebook and a pencil in his hand. Curious, he walked to Caspian's direction to find an unfinished, but no less beautiful, sketch. When Caspian took conscience of the blond's presence, he tried to close his book as fast as he could, but Peter stopped him right away and complimented his work, asking him if he had more of those.

After that, they got to talk about a lot of stuff and know each other better. Caspian found out Peter wasn't so annoying as he initially thought: he was actually a very nice and funny guy who cared deeply about his family. Peter found out Caspian was not as insufferable as he imagined: he was actually very sweet and, as he already noticed, really talented.

Both also learned a little about their difficult relationship with their families. Peter told about how he and Susan were given a lot more of responsibilities after their parents' divorce and how shaky his relationship with Edmund became at the time. Caspian told about his latin origins, his parents' deaths when he was only 6 and the stressing relationship with his uncle Miraz. He mentioned how unwelcome and unwanted he felt at his own home and, because of that, he always tried to find something else to do or somewhere else to go just so he could avoid his family as much as possible.

They kept talking a little more walking down the way back home together and right before they go separate ways, Peter invited Caspian to go to his house the next day after school, which Caspian gladly accepted.

From that day on, Caspian would become a very present guest at the Pevensies' house. He would stay for lunch (and sometimes even for dinner), do his homework with Peter, watch a movie with him and his siblings or just have a good time doing anything else, no matter how simple it was. Caspian was just happy for being there with them. It was the first time in so many years he felt as part of a family.

Caspian became very fond of Peter's siblings. Peter would always find Caspian joking around with Edmund, or him giving little sweets to Lucy and letting her brush and play with his hair, or even him and Susan sitting on the sofa laughing of some silly story Susan was telling him about the time they were children. Each of these scenes would make Peter roll his eyes, but also bring a fond smile to his face.

However, what really solidified their bond was a little conversation in one of their movie nights at Peter's house when he finally told Caspian he was gay (Peter: Does it make any difference for you or our friendship now that you know that?). And Caspian's answer gave him all the assurance he needed (Caspian: As long as you don't mind me being bisexual.). It was really freeing for both of them.

When talking about falling in love, Caspian was the one to fall first, but Peter was the one to fall harder. They had already felt attracted to one another in the day they first met, but, since they both were still young and immature boys trying to accept their sexualities (especially Caspian, who was absolutely sure his uncle would never accept his nephew being in love with another boy), this fire that burned inside was easily mistaken as jealousy and rivalry as a way to disguise their true feelings.

Peter's family and friends had already noticed what was going on between him and Caspian long before they both had. Lucy and Edmund even tried to plan situations to make them confess their feelings, but the boys were so fucking oblivious that the attemps always failed. After a while, Susan finally convinced their younger siblings to give up and just let things flow (but she would be lying if she said she wasn't a little impatient with how stupidly blind Caspian and Peter were about each other).

It was only after months of pining that one of them finally decided to take the first step. Caspian was in Peter's bedroom discussing with him some ideas to their science project when the brunette dropped his notebook by accident on the floor. Peter got up to help him to take some of the loose paper sheets when he found a specific one that got his attention. It was the drawing of a face... Peter's face. Differently from previous situations, Caspian didn't try to hide it from him and just smiled. After a minute of silence, he told he had made that one in their last art class. (Peter: It's... It's beautiful. / Caspian: Well, not as much as the original face. / Peter: ... and definitely not as beautiful as the artist himself.). When they finally stood, face to face, Peter held Caspian's face and slowly closed the distance between them. When he saw Caspian didn't try to run away, he finally kissed him. And Caspian was more than happy to kiss him back.

Once they officially start dating, they're the softest together. They would always be seen holding hands, kissing, sitting next to each other, whispering in each other's ears and laughing from whatever the other said. Lucy and Susan found really adorable how lovey-dovey Peter acted around his boyfriend. Edmund, as always, would always take an opportunity to joke about the boys' attitude, which embarrassed his brother to no end, but, just like his sisters, he agreed Peter and Caspian were perfect for each other and he was really happy for them.

Caspian's uncle was never an affectionate man - he could actually be pretty hostil and agressive, especially when Caspian displeased him for any little reason - and his aunt seemed to simply ignore him most of the time. Because of that, he grew out to be very touch-starved and internalized the idea that his feelings didn't matter, so it would better if he kept his mouth shut. Hugs were his primary love language and he always longed to give and receive them from the people he loved. However, there were times he would close himself and keep quiet about his feelings because he feared that his clingy behavior could creep Peter out. But Peter knew him better than anyone and, in the end of the day, he was always there to prove him wrong.

After their high school graduation, they decide to leave their homes and move to their own flat. Caspian gets so relieved for finally having a place of his own and not needing to have any contact with his family anymore. And the fact he was doing all of this with Peter by his side just gave him all the hope that, whatever the hardships they would face, they would do it together. He knew he wasn't alone anymore.

Peter loves Caspian's hair. It's about the relaxing feeling of running his fingers through those luscious black locks while they were laid in bed or when Caspian rested his head on his lap while they watched TV. But what he likes the most is to wrap his fingers through Caspian's curls and slightly pull them during a passionate kiss, which most of the time leads to more... intimate stuff. And Caspian definitely has no complaints about it. He even considered cutting his hair once, but he soon put this idea aside.

There's something really sexy about Caspian's spanish accent, especially when he talked with that low and hoarse tone he always had in the morning. And when Caspian comes closer in bed to wake Peter up and whispers words of love to him in spanish, his lips gently caressing his cheek... Oh God, that shit's enough to fucking turn him on.

As for Caspian, there are mornings when Peter wakes up earlier to make them breakfast. After some minutes, Caspian wakes up with the smell of hot coffee and toasts coming from the kitchen. There was this time that, after putting on a robe and going to the other room, he found Peter standing there with a cup in his hand, his beautifully messy blond hair shining with the sunlight coming from the window, wearing nothing but his underwear and the white shirt Caspian wore last night, only half buttoned, exposing his collarbone and part of his chest. He turned around and opened a big cheeky smile and said "Good morning" with his most seductive voice, offering him a cup of coffee. Caspian swore he felt his heart skip a beat in front of such heavenly image.

After spending all the breakfast staring intensely at each other, Caspian didn't even wait to go back to their bedroom before taking Peter in his arms and putting him sat on the table. He finished opening Peter's shirt and kissed him all the way through his jaw and neck. It doesn't take long to Peter to open Caspian's robe and kisses him back. And they definitely didn't stop there.

They aren't the kind of couple who fights constantly, but when they do, they can lose their patience very easily over the most silly, stupid things. In those situations, they would walk away and stay in different rooms without looking at each other for hours. When they finally calmed down and the loneliness sinked in, one of them would go to the other and apologize, even if it wasn't necessarily their fault. They could drive each other crazy sometimes, but they hated to stay like this. They love each other. That was all that truly mattered in the end.

They love to do all the kind of romantic stuff that lovers do. They go out on dates, give the other flowers and chocolates, borrow each other's clothes, share the headphones while listening to music, rest their heads on the other's shoulder and fall asleep right after (Peter was known for doing that a lot), hold each other in their sleep, and the list goes on.

After they graduate in college and find stable jobs (Peter as a doctor and Caspian as an artist), they finally decide to adopt a dog. Peter was the one who insisted on the idea and how could Caspian ever say 'no' to him? But it was only after they go to the shelter and see the big bright smile on Peter's face when they were taking their new puppy home that Caspian knew this was one of the best choices they ever made in their lives.

#luckly someone will enjoy this shit #WHY ALL MY HEADCANON POSTS TURN OUT SO FUCKING LONG? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!!#the chronicles of narnia #chronicles of narnia #narnia au #tcon #narnia #modern au #c.s. lewis #peter pevensie #caspian x #prince caspian #caspeter #peter x caspian #caspian x peter #headcanons #narnia headcanons #my headcanons

29 notes · View notes

madaboutmunson · 1 year

Text

Again - Part 1

Part 2 | Full list of Again series links inc AO3 Link

Steddie fic where Steve and Eddie are in their mid 30's and everyone has sort of drifted apart

Thank you to @gamerdano for all their help with this 💚💚💚

================================================

Steve loved being a Dad.

Not just the caring protecting aspect, but surprising to him more than anyone, he loved the learning aspect. Nearly every day, he was learning something new. For example, today, he was learning that you can now play games in the library. That was definitely not allowed when he was a kid.

The only thing Steve loved more than being a Dad was being a Single Dad.

He didn't dislike his ex-wife. They got on really well to this day, and being a single parent was really hard, truly, but it meant that no one was hovering around telling Steve how to do things, and he didn't have the added pressure of being responsible for meeting all his partner's needs as well as his kids. He could just focus on them, and when it was mom's week, maybe he'd go on a date (probably not), treat himself to something (a haircut at most), get involved with a hobby (play a video game he's forgotten all the controls to), get some exercise (a run, god bless the invention of cell phones and in-ear headphones).

The problem for Steve was he didn't like being away from his home too much. Home was safe.

When the kids were away, he didn't like to go too far in case something happened, and they needed to come back, or one of them wanted to speak to him. If he went someplace, he'd only be worrying the whole time. The cell phone let him get a little further afield, but there was just something about being near the house phone, and he hadn't worked out how to get his cell phone out of whatever language his youngest had accidentally put it in. He'd figured out some of the main menu options by trial and error.

Steve can't believe how much had changed in his life over the last 15 years. Friends he thought he'd keep for life were now mostly just names on a Christmas card list or an occasional phone call. He often thought it was because, like himself, seeing them just brought it all back, and everyone deserves to move on, didn't they? Just be normal, average human beings.

He'd gone from King of Hawkins High to Monster Slayer to Doting Husband to Suburban Dad to Single Dad in what felt like a blink of an eye.

Steve pulled into a spot in the nearest parking lot and turned around to his eldest child, Mackenzie, 13.

"Want me to come in with you, Mac-attack?" He asks, turning to the back seat.

"Want? No! Need? Unfortunately, yes!" She frowned, lifting one headphone slightly before letting it spring back to her ear, as she returned to gazing hatefully out of the window like she was trying to set the world on fire with her mind.

Steve turns back in his seat, bites his tongue and reminds himself that Mac has got it tough.

It's not that he and his wife are divorced, causing the current issues. Sure it's a historic contributing factor, no doubt, but this was because she drew the short end of the stick, hitting puberty earlier than most, and when you're 11, that fucking sucks. The world could have at least waited two more years or something.

That's why they were here; Mac's friend group was solely boys. Steve and his wife had no issues with that. The other kids' parents in the group didn't have a problem with that until a few months ago. The changes were small. She wasn't allowed at sleepovers anymore. Then there were the comments from some of the moms, or maybe she shouldn't be wearing that spaghetti strap vest anymore; perhaps you should invest in something more supportive. Then she wasn't invited to things because they weren't for girls movies, sports events (which Steve was certain was because she would have annihilated them all at them), or parties. And because she was being pushed out and would miss out on group happenings and banter, the worst thing of all happened:

They kicked her out of their dungeons and dragons party.

Steve was sure that soon she'd lose interest in the little nerd game anyway, but as it stood, she still wanted to play on, and she saw this poster in the library last week, so here they are. Steve looks in the rearview mirror. She's not glaring out of the window anymore; she looks scared. She didn't know if in there it was going to be precisely the same or not. "Let's do this!! Whoooo!!!" Steve shouts loudly, clapping his hands to break her out of her thoughts, which gets him an eye roll. He'd take it, he thinks and smiles.

Mackenzie wasn't the first person he'd heard about the game from, he knew a few of his old friends played it, but she was undoubtedly the first person to show him the magic of it.

The escapism, the collective storytelling, the adventure, your character's fate depending on a roll of the dice. Once he understood, he made sure to get her everything she needed. She was never happier than after a game, whether it went the party's way or not because she had a story.

Corey, 8, was deeply engrossed in his Gameboy. "Hey, Cor, can you peel your eyes away just until we get inside, alright? There are cars all around, buddy" Steve gets a grunt in reply and wonders if the next 5-10 years of his life will be learning to decipher grunts from his children because it was the only language they were willing to speak to him.

Mackenzie is clutching her books to herself. There was room in her backpack for them, but Steve wondered if she was using it as some kind of shield or line of defence. He wants to say, don't worry honey, I'm right here, but he knows how well that goes down, so he lets her take the lead, "Just let me know what you need me to do, honey." He gives her a small smile as she turns to take to the woman at the counter, who seems to be directing her elsewhere.

Books held firmly against her like some kind of magically imbued chest plate and her eyes boring into the floor, she speed walks past Steve towards the front door, "Hey!! Where are you going??" He yells, running after her while making a mental note of Corey's location. As he should have suspected, he is safely in a chair, thumbs clicking away.

"Mackenzie Robin Harrington!!" He shouts, and she stops in her tracks. He's glad to see at least one thing still works. He bends down to look her in the face, "Honey, what is going on?"

Her face is bright red with embarrassment, and Steve remembers the kind of parent he wants to be, "I'm sorry I embarrassed you by shouting your name like that. I just wanted you to stop walking, so I could talk with you and understand what's going on, ok? That's all. We don't have to stay if you don't want to. I just want to make sure you aren't missing out. Please?" Steve tries his best. He sees her swallow, and her eyes flick up to his for a moment, "I got the time wrong. We're late, like nearly a whole hour late."

"I thought this was just a workshop for character creation type thing today, not an actual game session? I'm sure it won't matter. Do you wanna try at least?" Steve is amazed he's retained any of this information.

"I just…I wanted to get here before everyone else…so when other people turned up, it looked like…it looked like I belonged…because I was here first," She says, eyes blinking at the ground.

"I tell you what. I'll go in first, check it out, and then relay the info to you, and then you make the call, huh? How about that?" He says excitedly, like he's in a timeout huddle. She looks up, and her shiny eyes meet his with a nod and didn't his heart just explode into a million tiny cute plush toys when that happened. Dad mode engaged. "Ok, let's get your half-electronic game system of a brother and point me at the target, honey."

"It's a Gameboy…" Corey starts to correct him, and honestly, Steve could be mad about the attitude, but it's the most he's said to him all day so far.

"...Advance, I know I paid through the nose to get it on release day for you, Cor," Steve says, hand on hip pointing at the little plastic attention black hole.

"Er, no. I've actually completed all the games I had for that one, so I'm back on the Colour. They look completely different! Urgh," Corey almost peels his eyes from it to target Steve with his disdain. Almost.

Time was of the essence, so rather than try to engage verbally, Steve lifted Corey out of his chair and gently pulled him along with them.

Steve opens the door to the side room and can see a bunch of kids of all different ages at tables, happily scribbling away and talking. He does note the distinct lack of girls in the kids he can see. Some of the older kids have polo shirts with something printed on them. They must be like the instructors or what was it, Masters…Dungeon Masters, that was it.

Then Steve hears some booming footsteps and an almighty roar. His spirit nearly leaves him until he hears a ripple of laughter after it and sees one of the polo shirt wearers sporting a paper mache dragon head stomping around the tables.

The dragon…locks eyes with him…and runs over.

Everything in Steve says run, but he's here for Mackenzie. So he pretends he isn't alarmed in the slightest. The dragon extends their hand, and when Steve accepts the handshake, he is engulfed in a hug, the dragon head bumping him several times before it finds its way over his shoulder. Steve grimaces with something between disgust and horror. What kind of weird place was this? He's glad they were late; if this had happened to Mackenzie, this dragon's head would have been punched somewhere into next year. The dragon is gesticulating, and Steve's hearing isn't the best. He knows they're talking, but all he can hear are mumbles, and he has no mouth to read for assistance.

"I'm sorry. Can you speak up? I can't hear you."

The dragon puts its hands to its head and laughs before revealing itself.

"Shit! Long time no see, Harrington!!" The familiar voice says.

Steve takes a moment to process, The big smile and eyes, the dark wavy hair that reached his jawline, the ringed hands, and the scars. Steve knows those scars and instinctively reaches for his side. He holds up the dragon head, "Sorry about that, um, the kids find me less scary if I scare them with the dragon head first," he says quietly.

Steve laughs, "Eddie?"

"In the flesh!" He gestures at his whole self, with a flourish, and the hugest smile, that Steve can tell he's trying hard to turn down a little from max wattage.

"Wow, I mean. I know you loved this game, but it's like huge, and we're nowhere near Hawkins. I'm just surprised, is all. Pleasantly, obviously. It's just…wow…" Steve says a little nervously. It was a little guilt for not keeping in touch, mostly surprise, but also, Eddie looked different, even though the trademarks were all there. His hair was less frizzy and more defined, and his face had aged a little. He looked more manly.

"Ah, don't get all flustered over little ol' me now", he laughs, and Steve feels comforted by his teasing. It was the Eddie he remembered.

"Er…listen so. I'm not here for me."

"Well, I could have guessed that", Eddie snorts out a laugh.

"My kid wants to join."

"Ok, we'll circle back to the fact you have a kid but do continue."

"Well, I have two, but anyway, the point being she really wants to join in and was worried it would be a problem because we're late. My fault, you know. She wanted to get here first, so it looked like she belonged here, and she was just worried it would be full of assholes that might give her a hard time about it, you know."

Eddie looks at him, confused, "About being late?"

"Er..yes…but because she's a girl."

Eddie's eyebrows furrow, "Well, thankfully, for everyone concerned, a penis is not a required piece of starting equipment."

Steve's eyebrows shoot up. One because of the comment and two because Eddie censored himself by whispering the offending word.

"Look, if she wants to learn to play, there is room. I'll make sure she's good. That sexist bullshit doesn't fly in my games. Or any prejudice crap, for that matter. It's a fantasy game, for Christ's sake. It's got magic. Why would it be so unbelievable a girl can't play? That's just dumb," Steve notes the self-censoring again, tries not to laugh and pushes it into an appreciative smile instead.

"Well, she already knows how to play. Pretty well, actually, I think her Cleric, life domain, is about level 8 now, but she did say she's happy to roll up a new one. Though that does mean she'll need a new dice set and stationary.." Steve gets lost in his thoughts for a moment before he turns back to Eddie, whose expression looks like someone just presented him with a surprise puppy.

"But anyway, yeah, she's looking for a new party because the last one, well, they kinda forced her out because, you know, they're all growing up or whatever and some bullshit like that" Steve takes Eddie's lead on the self-censorship.

Eddie is gobsmacked for a second and then immediately furious, that nose wrinkle and tensed, pressed tight, mouthed expression, it’s the same as Steve remembers, but he tries to keep his voice down, no full-blown Eddie tantrum here. "The little scrotes kicked her out of the party because they're growing up? What kind of nonsensical bullshit is that? You know what, get her in here, now, Steve. We've already wasted too much time. She could be throwing away her player's handbook as we speak." The urgency in Eddie's voice is endearing because there isn't a drop of sarcasm or condescension in it. He is genuinely alarmed this massive game might lose one player. Steve got the feeling this wasn't just for him or Mac, and he'd be the same with anyone isolated that way.

Steve smiles and goes to turn around and get her before he's stopped by Eddie's hand on his shoulder and an unsure look on his face, "Think I need the dragon head to be less scary?"

"For Mac, no, you're good. She's seen mine when we've been swimming and stuff. If Corey looks at you at all, count yourself lucky he bothered to peel his eyes away from the screen."

"Ah yeah, but yours aren't…um…well…you can hide them, and they don't make you look a dollar store Joker" Eddie half smiles awkwardly, creasing up one of the scars in question.

"Eddie, your scars were the last thing I noticed about you today. You're still as pleasant to look at as you always were," Steve adds reassuringly.

"I'm still undecided if that's a compliment or not, but there are more pressing matters, like losing one of our own from the game!"

Steve rolls his eyes, "Something's don't change do they" he sighs, "It was a compliment, Eddie."

Eddie makes a bashful smile, "Well, alright then. No dragon head it is"

#steddie #steddie fan fiction #eddie munson x steve harrington #steddie fan fic #steddiefanfiction #steddiefanfic #madaboutmunson #madaboutmunsonagain #eddie munson #steve harrington

173 notes · View notes

dandylion240 · 4 months

Text

Jolene Reagan for Scarlett's Love is Embarrassing BC

Age: 23

Sexuality: Bi Sexual - she's been attracted to women but never been in a relationship with a woman. Technically speaking what she's had is a string of one night stands.

Traits: Adventerous, High Maintenance and Self-Absorbed. She'd also readily admit she has a fear of commitment. The closes she comes to commitment is to her career. However she does have a soft spot for family. She'll defend her family like a mama bear if she perceives a danger to them but she doesn't always see when she's being overbearing and pushing her ideals on them.

Career: Archealogist (she travels a lot)

Back Story: Ever since her parents got divorced Jolene has been seeking approval from her dad (Ethan). She was six years old when he walked out of their lives and it wasn't until three years later that he walked back into it demanding to see his kids. While her brothers didn't want want him in their lives, she did. She wanted to be his little princess again, his little girl. Her biggest dream was to live with him full time because he needed her to take care of him. But nothing she did was good enough. He always told her no.

She was 15 when she decided to sneak out and visit her Dad in San My on her own. It wasn't their scheduled weekend but she was sure he wouldn't mind her coming for the weekend. When she got their Ethan was anything but pleased to see her. And he wasn't alone. He had a whole new family. One she wasn't a part of and worst of all she wasn't welcome to be a part of either.

It was at that moment her heart shattered into a million pieces. Why wasn't she good enough to be his little girl? It was on the train ride back to Brindleton Bay that she had her first time. She was hurt and this guy made her feel better. It didn't matter she didn't know his name or how old he was she just needed someone to tell her she was special.

That nameless person on the train was beginning of a long string of one night stands. In high school she did have a steady boyfriend for two years but when he dumped to go to college all those old feelings of not being good enough came over her and...well...she knew how to get those feelings to go away. She vowed then she'd never be in another relationship.

Two years ago she was involved with the brother of one of her archealogy professors that resulted in her getting pregnant. It was on a dig in Salvadorado. When she told him about the baby he just laughed and said he was no ones daddy and he left. This time when the feelings of not being enough came over her she went home.

Her parents weren't happy she was pregnant but were supportive of her decision to keep the baby. Finally she'll have someone who would give her the unconditional love she's always craved. But it was harder than she thought it would be. It wasn't easy or convenient to bring a baby on dig sites not to mention to find qualified babysitters. A lot of times she wound of leaving her son with her parents.

Over the next couple of years she's felt her life has been lacking in meaning. Her best friend and favorite cousin has pulled away from her and telling her she needs to be more responsible. Her brother hasn't talked to her since he found out what she did when they were kids. Her parents are telling her more and more that her son needs her and that it's time for her to settle down and raise him herself.

Her professor suggested she talk to a professional. At first she refused but as the feelings of worthlessness overwhelmed her she admitted she needed help. It was after her second visit that she saw the advertisement for Scarlett's BC. She recognized her from the video she made outing her father, Theo. Jolene remembered how she thought Scarlett was gutsy for doing what she did and wished she had the courage to do that to Ethan. The only downside would have been hurting her dad's (Jonah) feelings and she couldn't do that to him. Silently she applauded Scarlett for what she did. Now she could actually meet the girl and she was so pretty. Maybe this was exactly what she needed to get her life back on track.

So she sent in her application against the advice of her therapist and her family. Who knows ... maybe she'd get her own show out of this even if she didn't win the girl???

@theosconfessions

#jolene reagan #ts4 #love is embarrassing bc #simblr #jolene is a troubled young woman #she just might try to take over

34 notes · View notes

socially-awkward-skeleton · 5 months

Note

3, 8, 10, 15 for Rory x Price 💕

thank you so much cayman!! tagging @kyber-infinitygems since you also asked for 8 and 10 :)

3) By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh...I adore them...”

For Rory the big moment of "Oh...I think I'm soft" really comes in the scenes I've shared during WIP Wed with the tending to wounds scene. It's the first real moment of vulnerability from the both of them, finally letting down the whole "I'm a tough soldier and a hard ass" facade and for her to get to see that more tender side to Price basically breaks down a lot of the barriers for her. It's no longer just lust, it's something more.

For Price, it's definitely after (spoilers) he's heard her fighting for her life over comms, expecting to have to save her and instead finding her standing there as the victor. It makes his little heart go pitter-patter knowing that beneath the soft exterior of her there's the soldier willing to do whatever just like him.

8) What do they think about romantic love? Do they have baggage surrounding it? Do they idealize it? Is it an object of longing and wanting, or were they really not thinking about it until they started falling for the other character? What are their expectations like?

Rory is deathly afraid of romantic love, after witnessing her parent's divorce as a child, having her father leave Canada and return to the UK resulting in her mother having to raise her alone, she's got a lot of baggage surrounding that part of her past (lots of abandonment issues) and it generally makes her push the whole idea of a full fledged romance out of her head, instead focusing all of her energy on her career giving her yet more excuses for why she can't make relationships work. Relationships and romance were something Rory often didn't put much thought into, preferring casual dalliances while on leave, the thought of even having something more than that only started to happen once Price sorta dropped into her lap and despite them being different people from when they last met, they seemed to fit each other even better. She doesn't really know what to expect, especially since their romance has to be kept a secret from the brass, so for a long time she doesn't really expect it to even last.

Price has never had much time for romantic love, jumping from one fight into another, it was easier to keep himself from being tied down so he was able to hop on the next blackhawk and head off into another warzone. It also meant he didn't have to worry about someone left at home to worry about him, giving him even more to think about while trying to lead and keep his soldiers alive. In his heart of hearts, John absolutely would love to get married and have kids (he's got that dad energy lol) but I think he's also given himself over to the idea that it will never happen and it's probably easier to just stay married to his job. So when Rory appears he's thrown for a bit of a loop, especially knowing that in the grand scheme he really shouldn't be feeling feelings for her because it could basically be a career ender for him, and yet...

10) What scares them about entering a relationship?

Rory's greatest fear about entering a relationship is becoming attached to someone and then having them leave her. She has suffered a lot of loss in her life and she's not sure how much more she can handle. She also fears opening up, there's a lot about her past in the military that she can't share with most people (not just because it's classified, but also, because well...it's not exactly easy to bring up the fact that you've helped take part in CIA coups and assassinations, and torturing/interrogations)

With Price his big fear is having his relationship affect his work. He can't afford to be thinking about his SO when he's knee deep in the shit and lives are depending on him. With Rory specifically, there is of course also the fear of just straight up losing his job due to fraternizing with a subordinate which of course leads to them maintaining their secret (yet no so secret amongst friends/confidantes) relationship despite the fact that they both would like to have more. There's also the fact that he too struggles to actually open up regarding the things he's seen and done in his career (let's be honest this man has done some war criminal level stuff) so with most previous relationships he's had to keep his partners at arm's length in that way

15) What, for them, constitutes a level of intimacy that they would only rarely share with someone? This can be physical, emotional, etc.

For the both of them it's very much letting anyone get close enough to actually see the real soft side of them. They both very much function in a world where they have to put on the face of being the hard ass soldier, that the things they do have no effect on them, even if they think they're doing it for the right reasons.

Price has rare moments of real tenderness and vulnerability, where the soldier slips away and instead it's just the man underneath, the one who has nightmares and feels the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Rory is like peeling an onion, she has layers upon layers, a soft face she uses normally (friendly, inviting, and good natured), then there's the stoic soldier ready to do whatever is needed, and under that are the parts of her that are bruised and broken. She does a very good job of protecting her heart and head, and so to open up and share her fears and trauma with anyone is the greatest form of trust and intimacy she can possibly show to anyone.

#thank you for the ask!!#ship asks #ship: you are the sword to my shield #oc: rory sinclair

8 notes · View notes

cr1ms0nesp3ra-ac3 · 2 months

Text

Alright, I'm now having motivation to infodump Ace's lore before he got kidnapped and forced to be in the band(where he does nothing but get pestered by Vessel.

/joke)-

Ace's Story: Part 1!

So you may be asking.. Why was he chosen?

That's because Vessel has thought of looking for a new member to join, and also needing to duet with someone because he never tried that before.

But he decided to tell Sleep to find one.. and that's where this journalist is there,and it made Sleep made itself got interested. ( Will be mentioned in Part 2 btw! )

( yes I am calling Sleep It/Itself cuz y not- )

Le Art and info:

( ignore my lack of drawing hands lmao, and also.. warnings in undercut and in the tags. )

And lemme tell you about Ace's personal life..

He didn't remember due to his own brain being scrambled, but he originally was born in Manchester.. although he had a blurry memory, but his life is so sad af.

One, he lived in a dysfunctional household. ( He didn't know this during the age of 8, until now in the age of 15. )

Two, only his grandfather and mother didn't give him enough attention.

But his two older sisters, one younger brother, his father and auntie did give him much enough attention.

And three, for some reason? Ace has been manipulated by his mother a lot, because of her being religious... She thought of gaslighting him to make him think GOD made his 'mother' turn like this,

( poor boy got absolute mommy issues lol )

And after that, the parents decided to divorce when Ace turned 17, and would you look at that.. The father got custody! So he took Ace, the sisters and the brother with him! And decided to move to Birmigham!

...

But unfortunately, Ace's father and auntie died in a car crash at night after they really did.

Now it's just Ace, his sisters and his brother.

They could've got a good life with a father and an auntie.

You really miss them don't you? Ace?

But you can't go back in time just to fix this..

You let your guilt like that,

and yet you didn't want to show it to others..

all well, have fun with that Ace.

After all..

You won't know what will happen to you when you officially become a journalist.

2 notes · View notes

emcant · 6 months

Text

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

#em can #farther beyond that #em will #cw sh mention #cw mom mention #cw child abuse #tw verbal abuse #tw mommy issues #tw sh implied

4 notes · View notes

xaviermattthews · 1 year

Text

Full Name: Xavier Matthews.

Nicknames: X.

Pronouns and Gender: He/Him, Cis Male.

Birthday: July 27th, 1990.

Birth place: Houston, Texas.

How long have they been in town?: 15 years on and off.

Sexuality: Bisexual.

Housing: Seabrook Quarter.

Occupation: Lead singer of a band called Submergence.

Family: Only child of divorced parents.

triggers: drugs, alcohol // @aurorabayaesthetic

OVERVIEW.

xavier grew up in what he thought was a stable home in houston, texas. that was until shortly after his fourteenth birthday his mother addie came out as a lesbian in her forties which effectively ended her marriage to his father, darren. his father’s departure from the home and his parents subsequent divorce weighed heavily on him, and kickstarted a five year long spiral that culminated in a cocaine overdose at the age of 19.

what followed was his first rehab stint, and a six month period of consecutive sobriety which ended in a weekend in LA that he still can’t recall the full details of.

most of his 20′s was spent falling on and off the wagon, but he’s been sober since his 30th birthday and is determined to make it stick this time.

regular attendee of AA meetings, but isn’t the most forthcoming about that. or anything.

he started playing guitar after his father bought him one for his 10th birthday, and it remains the one consistent hobby he keeps that doesn’t double as a vice.

worked a variety of jobs over his tenure in aurora bay, mostly service industry. bartending was his longest stint.

formed submergence at 21 with 3 close friends. he didn't think they would do much with it other than fuck around, but interest in them grew steadily over the years and after one of their songs was used in a movie an had little moment of going viral, he decided to focus fully on the band.

the band got signed to a label five years ago and their first album (flood) did numbers.

he's working on their sophomore album (tsunami) currently and trying to manage the pressure of living up to his own expectations.

PERSONALITY.

+ ambitious, independent, enthusiastic, skillful.

- loud, jealous, implusive, cutthroat.

FUN ADJACENT FACTS.

goes by x for all things related to his music.

speaks fluent spanish.

has an arrest record that’s both long and ridiculous. has managed to avoid a holding cell since he signed his record deal because they threatened to drop him if he didn't get his shit together.

has nearly been cancelled on twitter twice.

has a bunch of running jokes with hardcore fans of his band. it's all a bit parasocial.

closest vibe to his band's music irl is the 1975.

did a spotify singles cover of anti-hero by taylor swift that went viral on tiktok. think this.

CURRENT CONNECTIONS.

bandmate and boyfriend of @vanessagable

older brother of @lilymatthews (muse no longer in game but still canon)

former best friend of @lucianaxalvarez

ex-boyfriend of @cheyxjohnson (muse no longer in game but still canon)

best friend of @bradley-banner

close friend of @christinaxwagner / pseudo uncle to her son

ex-boyfriend of @lemielewis

sorta family friend because of dating lemie to @lorelailewis / @luckylewis

former friend/bandmate of @connorxrose

former neighbour of @rominacortez

mutually destructive influence of @pearlwestbrook (muse no longer in game but still canon)

sponsee/close friend @greengideon

former bad influence of @tillycai

godlike to @fionaosmvn

formerly got his coke from @marsmoran pre-getting clean

in talks to write a song for a movie adaption of one of @coradeveraux's books

SPECIFIC WANTED CONNECTIONS.

bandmates!! this will require heavy plotting though because the band have been playing together for 12 years now. there's a lottttt of history there, but also hella things in the future!

GENERIC WANTED CONNECTIONS.

connections wise he’s pretty much an open book right now, but some baseline ideas that can be springboarded off are:

friendly.

best friend (1 space available) / childhood friends from houston / bandmates / friends / drunk friends / online friends/pen pals / former friend / new friends / former co-workers (pretty fluid and he’s definitely bounced around jobs so can be worked out for specific plot needs).

romantic.

flirtationship / friends with benefits / tinder matches / exes / unrequited crush (can be either way) / experimented with their sexuality together.

antagonistic.

enemies / former (best) friends / fell for the same person & fell out of touch / frenemies / rivals / negative influence / former co-workers (could have caused him to quit or be fired from a former job, can be worked out in depth).

#aurorabay.intro #intro.#drugs tw #alcohol tw

8 notes · View notes

llycaons · 8 months

Text

got done with that really long cheating fic and here's what I got

like pros

really strong wx dynamic. the emotional scenes HIT and kept me coming back. love how they seamlessly went from 'best friends of 20 years' to 'deeply in love and ready to move in together' in under a weak with nary a dramatic miscommunication. that familiarity translated to well to romantic compatibility and joy in each other's presence. really lovely relationship dynamics and mutual obsession

the barbie princess and the pauper line

"She never tried to see me!" Wei Ying is babbling... "Never saw me, not me me, not, Wei Ying, this is my Wei Ying, no, just, some random husband, a husband she didn’t even try to like, she had to marry me but she —" His voice breaks. "She never liked me for me. Why would she like me for me."

there's another part when he talks like 'she didn't try to love me for me' and this is nearly verbatim the same song as Barbie" Princess and the Pauper "If you Love Me for Me", on the one hand this does kind of make wwx sound like a sulky child but on the other hand he's right and it's not fair and it's an emotional line that fits the story

some of the best cuddling I've ever read. dang. not enough authors dwell on the cuddling. also the naked in-depth conversations were really nice and intimate without always being sexual which I appreciated

that scene towards the end where wwx sees the video of his parents interacting with him and saying they loved him oooohh that went into resolving his abandonment issues so well

I really liked how wwx's relationship to sexuality was written. not his relationship to being into guys so much, but like, his relationship with sex? the demi tag put me off but it actually felt pretty true to his character even tho I see it differently for him in canon. of that makes sense. like I think his canon nonengagement with sex during the majority of the show (in the drama) is more related to trauma and just trying to survive bc in the CR arc he was definitely teasing in sexually aware ways but this also feels true for him? hard to explain

the jumping around in time was really neat, especially when each one has its own plot to be resolved and it all accumulated to the sum of its parts in the end

qs is a lawyer and so is jgy which was neat

otherwise???? very strange!!!

wwx and lwj not being aware of being into men until literally their 30s. lwj literally goes on a date with a woman and kisses her. and talks about wanting to be prepared for a gf. like apparently this setting is even more homophobic than ours but I still think that's really ooc! in the novel lwj did grow up in a hostile social environment and he knew how he felt at like age 15. idk I've grown up in a fairly accepting area and that's not something i've personally struggled with so this isn't a personal judgement on realism or w/e, it's a judgement on character. lwj responding to the suggestion he might be gay and reacting with defensiveness and repression may work for his younger self, but by 30 years old? I don't see it

wwx marrying a woman was less weird than I expected because it was essentially arranged/to repay his debt to the jiangs but the debt part doesn't even seem to matter after the marriage bc when wwx is upset at himself for cheating he's like 'oh shit I feel terrible' and 'I need to divorce her so I can be with lwj' but he doesn't spare a thought as to how that would retroactively fuck up his debt payment??? I liked how he was written in a lot of ways but this was so baffling. does he care abt it or not

lqr is the single kindest and most nonjudgemental adult wwx knows. now I love him. but that is just not accurate to his canon self. judgement and strictness is a huge part of his character

very little interactions with jfm or jyl, and I know jfm sucks but he DOES care about wwx and it was weird to see him entirely missing from wwx's life. and jyl! she's barely in it

overall very weak sibling dynamics, which I don't usually mind bc the romance is so well done, but it felt wrong even to me

jc and wq apparently married with KIDS god help her

the het sex scenes were weird and uncomfortable

NHS IS MARRIED TO A WOMAN actually that's not wild ig he could be bi but he always bickers w his wife while jc is happy w wq and they have kids and that just seems wrong I don't think jc should have domestic bliss im sorry its just not in his character he has a terrible personality and way too much history with the wens in canon obvi. nhs however is clever and strategic and I don't think he'd ever agree to marry someone he doesn't actually like? unless the implication is he's gay and also unhappily het married but even then if anyone could figure out a lavender marriage situation it would be him

qs was not villainized or anything and I liked how her story with wwx ended but there was a really stressful scene of wwx angrily punchnig a wall during one of their arguments and that just never came up again even though he apologized for the cheating so that was weird. like it's hard to ignore the gender dynamics of a younger woman married to a man against her will and I think he was overall very respectful but he at one point is upset that jc got a choice in his wife and wwx himself didn't, which would be fine except again his wife is WEN QING and it's hard to believe she willingly chose to marry him so it just sounds like he doesn't give a shit about women in the same situation even tho I'm sure in this setting it was mutual. somehow. also why are he and wq not besties 🥺

anyway I feel like qs was easy to side against bc wwx was so miserable bc of her so it felt like the reader was primed to dislike her. and I obviously don't want to downplay the homophobia wwx experienced in his unhappy het marriage but it felt very focused on the men in ways I did find misogynistic but since it's a story that focuses so closely on wwx and lwj I think that's hard to avoid? idk. there could have been another female character in it. I guess

also the drunk sex scene...he's not really coordinated but he's thinking pretty clearly so I felt okay about it but also??? why did they do that???

also later they have the little 'oh hehe you can do whatever you want to me' but besides that first sex scene there was nothing of even dubious consent

#can't believe the author plagarized a barbie princess and the pauper song smh #still better than the knitting fic! lmao #ficblogging

2 notes · View notes

twelveworms · 1 year

Text

Her Life.

TW:://thoughts of suicide, rape, self harm

(please feel free to let me know what you think about this because this is my first time writing)

Everyday she wonders how different everyone’s life would be if she was dead. Everyone tells her that she makes such an impact on their lives and that they wouldn’t be the same without her, but a part of her doesn’t believe them. She can’t seem to escape her mind no matter how hard she tries, the voices are too loud. The thought of being dead doesn’t sound quite adequate though, because no matter how much she thinks that everyone would be better off without her, she can’t bring herself to do it.

Ever since she was 7 years old, there have been voices in her mind. Constantly telling her horrible things. Intrusive thoughts are dangerous, because if she lets them take over just once she or someone would be dead or extremely injured. All throughout growing up she constantly sat there and wondered, “What’s wrong with me?” In reality, nothing is wrong with anyone, some people are just better at masking their emotions than others. She believes that if her parents never got divorced, then she would be a completely different person. But that didn’t happen. Her parents got divorced when she was in 1st grade, and ever since then nothing has felt real. Constant pain and confusion was slowly killing her. But the one thing that is worst in this situation; abandonment issues. Her own dad left the family, so what makes her believe that any man would stay in her life forever.

14 years old was when she got her first relationship. It was only for 3 months, but for her, it felt like years spent with him. What she thought was love, was just an illusion. Everyday he would manipulate and gaslight her into thinking she was always in the wrong, when in reality she did absolutely nothing wrong. Everyday for what felt like forever, he would tell her in great detail how he would kill himself if she ever left him, and if she told anyone that he was contemplating suicide that he wouldn’t hesitate to do it. This induced her to have panic attacks, and ever since then she’s had severe anxiety and confusion about making decisions, because what if she made the wrong one? She finally worked up the courage to tell his cousin about what he’s been saying, and it felt as if a weight lifted off her chest and she could finally breathe again.

At 15 years old she switched schools. Everything was good again, new school, new her. She got close to a boy she used to know in middle school, he was a grade above her so he offered to start taking her to school each morning and drive her home each afternoon. A month goes by of them constantly talking and hanging out because of school, and she starts to catch feelings for him. He was sweet to her, so she let her guard down. They started talking more and decided that they wanted to become a thing, but they never officially made it together because of one specific night in January.

She was spending the night at her friend’s house one weekend and really wanted to see him, because they really only saw each other at school, so of course she invited him over so they could hang out in his truck. After her first relationship, she felt like all boys wanted from her was sex, so she made it clear to him as soon as she got in the truck that she didn't want to or intend to have sex with him; she had also just started her period earlier that day. He seemed completely fine with that and reassured her that that’s not all he wanted from her, so of course her guards were let back down after reassurance. They talked, laughed, listened to music, and all around just had a really good time hanging out together. She felt so happy at that moment, until he grabbed her face and started forcibly making out with her. She didn’t really think of it at all because they were talking and she had kissed boys before. He then proceeded to get on top of her, and that’s when she started to panic. Everything happened so fast she didn’t know what to do at that moment; so she froze. He pinned her down, tore her pants off, pulled out her tampon with his bare hands and penetrated her. The whole thing flashed before her eyes, but there wasn’t a moment that she didn't remember from that night. The constant scratching and biting, begging him to stop and get off of her. She was helpless in that moment and she’s never felt so worthless before. It wasn’t until a few months passed where she realized that that wasn’t her fault. She would blame herself, telling herself that she could’ve made it more clear to him that she didn’t want to have sex, or just completely denied it and told herself that they just had sex and there was nothing wrong with what he did. She was raped that night. And ever since then, she hasn’t been the same.

The summer after that happened to her, she decided to not care about herself anymore. Any boy that wanted to have sex with her, she let them, because she saw what happened last time she said no. She got into horrible situations with people she was never meant to be around, but she didn’t care what happened to her anymore. If she got close to death, she wouldn’t have been scared. She was numb. Her relationship with her parents went completely down the drain because of the constant rebellion and deep rooted anger she took out on the world around her. She hated herself for so long after that, that she forgot what it felt like to have any type of respect or love towards herself.

She turned 16 in October, and by that time she managed to pull herself out of the episode she was in. She tried so hard to focus on herself, but by that time she was suspended from school for 3 months so she had to attend night school until school started back in January. December rolls around and it's Christmas break. She made some new friends and started to feel like herself again. At this time she tried to talk to boys again and one really caught her attention, so they started talking more. One night she was hanging out with a couple of her friends at their house, and everything was going smoothly. Nothing could go wrong right? Wrong. The whole time, one of the boys that was there wanted to do stuff with her, but obviously she was interested in someone so she had no intent on doing anything with anyone. It was all a set up. Even her girl friends that were there were in on it. Everyone leaves the room except for him, but she didn’t really care because she was friends with him at school and had hung out with him before. Until, again, this boy proceeds to get on top of her. She starts to panic again and is constantly saying in her mind “This can��t happen again.” over and over. She repeatedly told him no, but he didn’t listen or care and proceeded to try and kiss and touch her. This triggered her fight or flight, and she then managed to get her feet onto his chest and with all her strength, shoved him off of her. He then got the hint and she left and never saw them again.

She couldn’t believe that it almost happened again, she sat in the shower for hours a day crying to herself; “Why me?” she would ask herself, but she could never find the answer. This was the time where she started self harming, but never anything too noticeable because she was scared of her parents finding out. But that was the only thing that seemed to keep her sane and not go into another episode of self pity and hatred. It was like an addiction to her, the adrenaline rush she would get from hurting herself was unmatched in her mind. She isolated herself from the outside world because by that point, she was so scared to be around another boy. This induced an eating disorder that still to this day she struggles with.

By the time she was 17, she started to gain her self confidence again. She was happy with herself and found amazing friends at the time. She got into shallow relationships that didn’t last but it didn’t hurt her when they ended because she knew they were simply not the one. Although, one relationship she got into at 17 absolutely destroyed her. Still to this day she doesn’t know why she kept letting him do the things he did to her, but that’s one example out of many that love is blind. She started dating him in August 2021 and for the get go, he was horrible. He constantly compared her to other girls, wished she’d look different, told her she was ugly and that she’d never be enough for anyone. She sort of brushed that off her shoulders because she really thought she loved this man.

After about a week with him he started to become physically abusive. At that time, it was just small things like “playfully” punching her in the arm or the rib cage or the side of the leg. Either way, it wasn’t okay for him to do. But once again, she brushed it off her shoulders and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. He then got more aggressive towards her. He started to leave noticeable marks on her sides, her face, her legs; everything. It got so bad to the point where he forced her to have sex with him every single day, and because of that she would constantly have UTIs and severe pain in her uterus and ovaries because of how harshly he did it. She never spoke up about any of this. She let him abuse her, she let him cheat on her, she let him talk about her the way he did because at the end of the day, he would tell her how much he loved her and didn’t want to lose her. Everyday he would say how much he cares about her, but we all knew the truth. A couple weeks go by with him and he’s moving back to college. He asked if she wanted to help him move into his new apartment, and of course she agreed because she was scared of what might have happened if she said no. Later that night, she saw a post he made that said, “I have 3 women and 2 sneaky links the night I get back to college”... For her, that was the final straw. She built up the strength to break up with him and block him on everything.

She then realized everything he did to her throughout that “relationship” and finally told herself that she’s better than that, and told herself “Never again.” She focused on herself once again and was doing okay for a while after that because she knew that she wasn’t about to get abused everyday for “not being good enough” or “not meeting his standards.” She was happy, again until September 24, 2021.

September 24, 2021, she lost her best friend to suicide. He was the purest soul. She saw him as her soulmate. She knew him since she was 13 years old and ever since then they were bonded to each other. No matter how long they went without seeing each other, they always picked up where they left off last. He cared about her more than anything and watched her grow into the person she was at the time. This broke her. She didn’t know how to deal with this kind of tragedy. She, once again, isolated herself for the world because that’s the only thing she knew how to do. Countless amounts of hours crying, wondering why he would do something like that. All that was replaying in her head was how he told her “I can’t wait to see you on your 18th birthday!” 2 weeks. 2 weeks before her 18th birthday, he took his life. When he did that, it felt to her as if a part of her died with him. She loved him more than anyone, She still, to this day, misses him so deeply.

After her 18th birthday, she reconnected with someone who is now her best friend in the entire world. She would die for this girl. Her best friend is the reason for her most recent relationship she was in. This relationship was the best and then the worst thing to ever happen to her.

Immediately, her and this guy clicked, like a match made in heaven. Instantly she knew that she had to have this man in her life. He was everything she would have wanted in a partner at the time. He was sweet, patient, understanding, he cared about her more than himself, and he always put her first. He treated her the way she had always wanted to be treated. It was like a breath of fresh air for her to be in such a loving relationship after all the horrible things that happened to her. Months go by and this is still the best relationship she’s ever had. Things got tougher but he never stopped loving her. Until he didn’t. It had been 9 months spent together, the road was definitely not smooth but they got through everything together because they wanted to be together in the long run. July 4th, 2022, they were hanging out until around 3 in the morning. Everything was going so well between them that she thought he really still loved her. She was so wrong.

The night goes by and it’s time for her to head home because it’s very early in the morning at this point. As soon as she gets home she tries to call him to go to sleep like they always do, but he doesn’t answer. She doesn’t think too much about it because it was late and he probably just fell asleep right after she left. Wrong. There was another girl waiting to come over. The whole time. She came onto him and he didn’t reject her. He had sex with this girl the same night he told her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. This girl that he met from tinder spent the night that night and he completely blew off his own girlfriend on July 4th for this girl that he had now cheated on her with. She ended up leaving his house later that evening and that’s when he then decided to invite her over after telling her all day that he didn’t wanna see her all day, but of course, she went over there to see her “loving and loyal” boyfriend.

After that night, he continued to talk to her and see her. All while doing this behind her back. All the signs were there, but that is another prime example that love is blind.

2 weeks passed, and she had a very strong gut feeling that he was doing something behind her back. She decided to call his best friend who would 100% know if he was doing something, and she asked him if he was cheating on her. He then proceeds to break the news to her that he’s been seeing a woman from tinder for over 2 weeks now. Her soul crashes into pieces. She felt as if her entire world came crumbling down at her feet, and a brick was just dropped onto her chest. After everything, how could he do something so wrong to someone that only did him right? She’s extremely confused, hurt, sad, really all of the above. She tried calling him, but he didn't answer. She tried texting him, but he didn’t answer. All she wanted was an explanation. She was more disappointed than anything. The next day, he finally answered. She already knew the truth, but he still continued to lie about it until she caught him in an active lie. “No more lying.” She would say to him over and over, and somehow, he was crying more than her at that moment. He finally agreed to see her in person to talk about everything that he did. She went to pick him up and they went to the park to talk in the car because they didn’t want anyone to bother them. She screamed and cried and he still couldn’t give her an explanation. She then proceeds to ask to go through his phone, and without hesitation, he hands her his phone knowing what she was going to find. She first goes through their text messages and finds the horribly disgusting things they would say to each other, she then went to his social media and found saved pictures of her naked in his snapchat memories; that hurt her so much to see but she had to know the whole truth. She then goes into his camera roll… She then finds screenshots of her naked in the mirror, facetime photos of her sleeping or smiling, multiple saved selfies of her, and the last things she found was 3 different videos and angles of her masterbating with a dildo into the camera. She was mortified; traumatized. She couldn’t stop shaking, her body, mind, and soul broke down in that moment and all of a sudden she felt like she had stepped back into time. Again, how could someone that claims to love you more than life itself, do such a horrible thing to you?

After all that, a part of her still loved him so deeply that she thought she could get past it and still be with him, so she stayed. She tried so hard to move past what he did, but she couldn’t close her eyes without seeing him on top of her in the guest bedroom of his house. She couldn’t fathom the thought of him with anyone else other than her, so she still stayed. Things from there were only going downhill, the constant fighting, screaming, crying, the never ending sleepless nights; it was the worst time of her life she had ever gone through. There was a point where she didn’t sleep for 3 days straight because she was trying so hard to understand how someone could feel absolutely no remorse for any of that. She was destroying herself for what she thought would make her happy again. He played victim and acted like it was her fault for him having sex with another woman. Ever since then, she wasn't able to eat around him without feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety, and just being around him made her feel so nauseous to the point of almost blacking out.

October 2022 rolls around, things started to feel like they were getting better; they weren’t. There was a point for about 2 and a half weeks where she couldn’t eat anything. She would get so nauseous and had absolutely no appetite for anything but crackers and water. She lost a lot of weight because of this and ended up being 97 pounds when she stepped on the scale. She finally decided to ask her mother for help because there was something clearly wrong with her. Early November, she finally saw a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, Depression and Bipolar Disorder 1. She wanted to feel shocked about this news, but she wasn’t surprised, because her main trauma response was derealization. She would constantly get in a state of losing the feeling of being real and it would feel to her as if she was stepping out of her body and watching from 3rd person. She got prescribed Sertraline (Zoloft) because it is proven to help with PTSD.

After a couple weeks on her medication, she felt so clear about how she felt. She found the self love she’s been looking for her whole life, and she felt as if the fog in her mind went away. Feeling so good made her realize that she didn’t want to be with him anymore. She didn’t care if he found someone else because he was horrible to her. She ended things with him; which wasn’t easy; but she stuck to what she felt. Since then, she’s never felt so happy, she’s regained all the friendships she lost because of him, she got another tattoo, and she feels good about herself.

Life isn’t about worrying about others around you. Their decisions don’t affect your life and they don’t control you. Be who you want to be and don’t let anyone get in the way of your own happiness. I promise there is always someone in your corner cheering you on, no matter if you feel them or not. There is so much more to life than hurting yourself to make others happy.

<3.

#reality #regret #life #living with bpd #tradgedy #self love #shame

2 notes · View notes

imarawbu · 3 months

Text

I find it incredibly ironic that I can no longer cook.

I am not really a fan of cooking, I won't do it for myself as I see it as a waste of time to spend an hour or more making a dish just to eat it in 10-15 minutes. For some one else, sure, hence I didn't learn how to cook much until I got married. Everything I had tried in the past had always been pretty good and my parents were pretty shocked the few times I did cook. After marriage, I started cooking pretty much every meal and I was cooking Indian food which is very difficult to make as everything is made from scratch and it's just more difficult in general to make as well as time consuming. My first marriage, I learned the basics from my mother in law but I didn't get to practice much since my ex hated Indian food and I was the one working, since he couldn't hold a job, and he'd make food or we'd eat junk.

Very quickly as I started making food, like a month or so, my cooking became much better than my husband's and in general it was equally as good as someone from Indian would make, like his mother or sisters. This was confirmed as no Indian thinks a white girl can cook much less master Indian food. Everyone was shocked. I was not, as I learn very quickly and can master most things with little effort.

It even caused drama. The guy I liked a lot but had no interest in me, whose mother I was friends with liked my cooking so much, she said so in front of her daughter in law. This was apparently something her son felt my husband needed to know. My husband thought it was funny because they decided to pass on me and I turned out to be a very good cook- the guy is a big foodie and his wife loves cooking but she can't really make Indian/South Asian food very well. Apparently, because I couldn't cook and my state after my divorce when they met me, they seemed to think I was incapable of being a wife- even though I was married before and was hands down one of the best wives or daughter in laws a person could have. This isn't an exaggeration as my former mother in law said this and told her other son she wanted him to find someone like me to marry. Also considering what I did and the lengths I went to for my ex husband, I don't know anyone who would be capable of doing what I did, especially while dealing with horrific abuse.

For a long time now, my cooking quality has declined to the point it is rare that I make good dishes anymore they are usually ok or bad. I tribute it to the fact that, while I am doing what I always have, my focus/concentration/energy and feelings I had before aren't there and that's what made the food good. I've told my husband that if I was less overwhelmed and less tired maybe my cooking will be better. He doesn't care and just calls me lazy and says because I cook less, that's why. His loss, not mine. I don't eat much of what I cook because it is bad, but I can make something quick for myself to eat or not eat and it's fine. Maybe I do cook less because I cook everything one day a week since I work and I don't want to cook after working all day- and regardless, the food is worse if I make it fresh after work instead of spending half a day cooking three or four dishes.

I don't know maybe I am making it bad subconscious since I have no feelings for my husband and neither of us need to be eating a lot of food.

The only thing I feel bad about is now that's not something I can brag about anymore since it seems every one in my life underestimates me or sees me as completely incapable of anything.

0 notes

uozlulu · 10 months

Text

And then my brain was like "Oh hey, that teacher AU thingy, I have ~ideas~" and I'm like "But we're supposed to be writing an original novel," and my brain was like "IDEAS!!!!" so...ideas~*~*~

The general set up

It's just after Labor Day weekend 2001. Daniel's been divorced for almost four or so months after being married for twenty years. He'll be 50 in December. He's been sober since 1983. He's got a weekly political column and he's about to start work on the first draft of his next book.

He is also at his daughters' high school because Alice works a 9 to 5 and won't be home until 6, but he lives in an apartment near the school so tag he's it. His younger daughter Jess is a freshman and failing every single one of her classes including art even though she's good at it. His older daughter, Mandy, is doing well grade wise but her French teacher found a pack of cigarettes in her purse and her choir teacher is upset because it's ruining the choir.

AU characters

Daniel - almost 50, journalist/writer. Freshly divorced and kind of deciding what to do with his time. He tries his best to be a dad, but he's fallible as anyone can be especially since when he's not working on a book he tends to be gone researching the next one

Armand - 30 - Does he have a last name? No one knows. All the students just call him Mr. Armand. He teaches theater, drama, and English. The kids ADORE him because he's young and relatable and lets them put on things like Sweeny Todd as the school musical

Louis - early 30's - French teacher. Monsieur de Pointe du Lac. Students also adore him. He expects a lot out of them

Lestat - mid 30's - Choir teacher. Mr. Lioncourt. He's absolutely ruthless but it's gotten them top in the state (and top 10 in the country) in competitions and no one's revolted by quitting yet so it's working.

Mandy - 17 going on 18, high school senior, looks like her dad. OVER IT about the divorce, but still getting good grades because she takes pride in herself. Has had a smoking and drinking problem for a few years now, though many think it only just started because of the divorce. Tends to be a serial monogamist, always has a boyfriend. She feels like she had to raise her sister by herself because their dad was always off somewhere and their mom sometimes works late and on weekends.

Jess - 14 going on 15 - high school freshmen - kind of pudgey around the edges, always wearing every color of the rainbow, would be on the volleyball team but her grades are tanking, clearly a lesbian but she doesn't maybe know this yet, shameless flirt, she's extremely talented in art but is failing her art class because she draws things other than the assignment and only turns in the written portions if they do them in class. Taking the divorce very hard because she didn't really see it coming because she thought her parents were the norm.

Alice - mid 40's - works as a secretary at a law firm. Tries her best to be a mom but also tries her best to be a law secretary so she's not always around. She's been sober since 1982.

Other characters may appear to fill in staff roles and such. We'll see how it goes. I want Claudia in here somewhere but where and how I'm not sure yet.

Potential events

Daniel ends up going to the teacher meetings because Alice has work. He meets with the girls' teachers. Louis drops the cigarette bombshell, Lestat is Lestat. Armand catches Daniel off guard. Armand has an ease to him but there's also an edge. He's intriguing but also kind of young.

Armand comes away from the meeting intrigued as well. Daniel being 50 doesn't phase him in the slightest.

Daniel takes the girls home because now that it's been established Mandy's smoking, Alice and Daniel decided while Alice is at work, he's got to keep an eye on them after school. Mandy is sincerely offended. Jess is content to work at the table while Daniel works on his book even though she's not really doing her assignments. Daniel leaves when Alice comes home. Neither of them are excited about this arrangement since they wanted a cleaner break, but they're doing what they can for the girls' sakes.

Daniel knows he should probably get himself back out there. He's not really sure where "there" would be, but he tries a local club and avoids the bar part of it like the plague, though it's tempting. The music is definitely different (the death of disco vs. Tiësto) but he likes the anonymity of it all. He runs into Armand at one of these forays. This Armand is a bit different from the one at the school. There's more edge to him and that blanket of darkness, strobe lights, glow sticks, etc...is more freeing than a classroom.

There's probably a series of situations in which Daniel and Armand run into each other. Stalking? I dunno, but you know a nod to the game they played in the books. At some point they kiss. It's completely earth shattering.

Daniel's pretty sure he's having a midlife crisis. He wants Armand. Armand is Jess' English teacher. Armand is also 20 years younger than him. He is not doing a good job of talking himself out of anything because that's never been his strong suit. He's pretty sure he only had it in himself to talk him out of bad choices once and he already used that to get sober when he found out Alice was pregnant with Mandy.

Armand meanwhile, knows what he wants and aims to get it. It's not hard to run into Daniel in the city. They live in the same borough. Daniel doesn't go to the bars but he will go to the clubs where he doesn't have to think about his sexuality too hard and such. They also run into each other at other locations Armand's probably noticed Daniel at before like local shops and such. He's got his cleavage out. He's got his hair done. He's learning Daniel's buttons. He's going to get what he wants and that determination is definitely part of what's attracting Daniel to him.

The winter concert arrives. Jess is in the freshman girls' choir and Mandy is in one of the fancy singing and dancing groups. Alice gave Daniel a new digital video camera that takes movies. He's managed to get it to work but not with sound. Armand appears and helps him work the device. They stand silently in the back row while the freshmen perform. Daniel turns off the camera. They whisper a bit back and forth and quiet again when Mandy's group goes on. Finally the concert is over. Daniel thanks Armand for his help. Armand something something flirtatious.

Daniel has the girls for winter break. They go to visit his family in San Francisco. Daniel goes for a nigh out to an old gay bar he used to wander into before he met Alice. He ends up encountering Louis and Lestat of all people there. Louis and Lestat are a couple. They aren't married yet because it's 2001. They came to San Francisco to get away from everyone and have some fun. They used to go to New Orleans to see Louis' family but some major drama last year ruined it for this year. Louis knows Armand is into Daniel, he maybe wingmans or something here though Armand is back in New York.

Daniel heads back to New York. He's still working on the first draft but it's almost finished. Jess' grades are up somewhat but Mandy is still sneaking things.

One night it's snowing and freezing because it's winter in New York. Daniel's out and runs into Armand. They have a moment. Daniel almost thinks about inviting him back but doesn't. Armand does invite Daniel to his place and it's very, very tempting. Daniel makes an excuse but keeps thinking about it.

Eventually, they do end up banging it out. Daniel has a lot to think about. Armand is still in it to win it.

Things to consider

The generalized structure of a romance novel (even if this doesn't end up 80,000~ words, the structure might help place plot points and stir drama

What is the ending?

What's the time frame of the story? The school year? More than that?

Are there repercussions? Or does that make things too complicated?

There's probably a school musical

Armand dressed up as a vampire for Halloween

Claudia (and Madeleine?)

I am going to have to write at least M stuff properly for the first time in years. I hope I'm not rusty

Part of Daniel's crisis is he's bisexual and in denial

#things to write #i just had to empty my brain

0 notes

infisonicosm · 1 year

Note

omg whoever was talking about grandparent issues.... RELATABLE !!!!

I always thought I was lucky because divorce/single-parenthood didn't affect me, because my parents were together my whole life. But it wasn't until relatively recently that I realized it DOES.

My grandfather and grandmother got divorced and he moved across the country and lives with his new partner and her whole extended family. Our relationship was SO weird. Every semester my mom would have us print out our report cards and mail them to him, and if they were good he would send back $15. And then every birthday and Christmas we'd get $50 in a money card. That was the extent our our relationship.

And his "new" family/grandkids is all these super rich and smart doctors and shit. Idk its weird and I hate it.

All that to say, I RELATE!

HAHA IM A CHILD OF DIVORCE THIS IS SO REAL. My Grandma on my Dad's side up and moved across the country as well. After my Dad moved out there with her and he remarried, she basically dropped me for his new wife's kids. So that's why our relationship is weird, she also doesn't remember me now due to her dementia. Just like you though I would get a birthday card and a christmas card. I understand the resentment towards his new family. I felt the same way. The way I rolled my eyes for you about his new family having money. That tells me everything I need to know.

#shelly's saturday sleepover

0 notes

pynkhues · 2 years

Note

So now that we know Kendall and Rava got married quite young (based on Roman's comment in 3x04 that Kendall's bachelor party was 15 years ago, meaning he was 24 or 25 when he got married) do you have any thoughts on how that might have affected Kendall and Stewy's relationship?

Yeah! It was great to get confirmation of that! I already figured they'd gotten married fairly young given Sophie and Iverson are both tweens as opposed to little kids. I think we're supposed to understand they've been separated for a while at the start of s1 too? I'd be curious as to what the timeline is for that specifically, because they imply I think that Rava left Kendall before he got sober, and he and Logan talk specifically about rehab as three years before the start of s1.

Three years isn't that long to be separated pre-divorce though either, especially if somone's like Kendall and doesn't really want to break up. My parents were separated for seven years before they got divorced, and a good friend of mine has been separated for eighteen months already without any plans to actually file yet.

It could be one of the things that was changed though post-pilot too? Shiv's letter in 3.03 certainly made it seem like Kendall's been in rehab a number of times instead of just the one big stint that seemed infered in Logan's dialogue in 1.01, and we got confirmation from both Roman and Connor that the letter was accurate after all.

That's all an aside though, haha.

Your question! Yeah! We know Kendall and Stewy went to both Buckley and Harvard together, and I imagine they both have their MBA's too, so I feel like they had to have been pretty entwined still when Rava entered the picture. I actually headcanon that Stewy introduced them, haha, especially given he's the one deployed by someone to ask Kendall if he and Rava are really separated in 1.03.

I tend to headcanon it as one of those complicated things where Stewy and Kendall had never really qualified what their hooking up meant or what their relationship was, and that it was probably always an unspoken thing that Kendall would be finding a woman his dad approved of and marrying her and that that would be that. It's the sort of thing I don't think Stewy probably cared that much about while they were both sleeping with other people and Kendall was getting way too intense about girls who were never going to pass the Logan Roy test, but I think things were different with Rava too.

I think Kendall really fell in love with her, and her him, and I think it probably stung Stewy, despite himself. Like - - he just figured they had more time than this, right? Who's dreaming of settling down with the chick you meet when you're 21? 22? But Rava's smart and beautiful and maybe Stewy wouldn't care if it didn't start to become apparent that Kendall was - - y'know, telling her stuff. Stuff he's never told anyone except Stewy, and maybe Stewy tried to create some distance, but Kendall latched on in that way he does whenever he feels someone trying to pull away, so maybe Stewy fucked him instead, and okay, that was fine, it was, until Kendall took Rava back to meet Logan, and the stamp of approval was clear even if Rava came back pissed off, and it was only after that that Kendall told him they couldn't anymore. Not now that Rava was the One.

And they're just so young still, and it doesn't matter, because Stewy's not exactly short on options, and it's better Kendall ends up with someone Stewy likes rather than some of the other girls Stewy's been forced to endure the company of, and things are good. They are, at least for a minute, but Kendall doesn't know how to be happy, and Stewy knows when he's self-sabotaging, but he's half-hearted in pushing him back to Rava because there's something to it. Something to the way being Kendall's person again feeds a part of him he didn't realise was still hungry, and besides, they're still young, right?

They're supposed to be having fun.

Stewy always knows how to help Kendall have fun.

(Right up until he doesn't).

#now that we sort of know that logan would've had connor in his mid-twenties too #it kind of makes me wonder if marrying and having kids in his twenties was something kendall internalised #another way to emulate his father #i feel like it probably was a cocktail of that his desperate need to be loved and the way he goes from 0 to 100 in relationships #i've been increasingly wondering if the wedding in italy is actually kendall and naomi's haha #it would be #a mess #and i say that as someone who likes naomi a lot #she and kendall just absolutely bring out the worst in each other #it'd be another interesting logan parallel though #logan's second wife was an heiress #and naomi's one in her own way to pgm too #kendall x stewy #kendall roy #stewy hosseini #rava roy #kendall x rava #hbo succession #welcome to my ama

55 notes · View notes

kyoongboxi · 3 years

Text

Late Night Drive —

[Baekhyun AU]

Summary; This is a story about a Canadian-Korean artist with her famous Kokobop painting and how she ended up with someone she painted packed in late night conversation inside his audi.

Pairing; Baekhyun x You

Genre; fluff, romance, cute.

Kyoongboxi's works 🐾

——

Its been around eleven years since you, a Canadian-Korean, back into your real hometown. At that time you were only 15, so young yet so small. You followed your mother to fly to Korea after your parents divorced. You would never forget the fact that your father was a famous musician in Canada. It was kinda complicated. More than twice a week, there was a few people or his fans randomly come into your house just to see or meet your father. It didn't bother your mother at all because maybe thats the consequences when you married someone famous but there was a time when your mother also couldn't believe what the hell is happening between her and your father.

You remember it was a peaceful Saturday night dinner with little version of you eating your chicken soup carefully. Both your parents sat across the table enjoying their dinner as well. The warm atmosphere didn't stay long until you heard someone at the door ringing the bell over and over. Your mother was the one who decided to get up from her seat and walk towards the door. And when she opened the door, she caught a presence of a woman, a little younger than her with an ultrasound scans between her fingers. Of course your mother would ask what the hell is that, and the woman said it was your father's baby.

Day to weeks passed, you and your mother went through the hard times. Your parents divorced and both of you flew all the way back to Korea. Your mother struggled a lot to support you and trying her best to get you into school. Things also works the same for you, you went through a hard time in the first year because your face was some kind of mixed Asian-Canadian. It caused your friends teasing you a lot.

You were comfortably enough to get lost against your own thoughts with a warm atmosphere surrounded around your body inside the car while soft music White Gloves by Khruangbin played in the radio. You were about to close your eyes and leaning towards the window when all of sudden you felt a warm hands come in contact with your own.

"Something on your mind?"

And yeah. There he was. Your man, your world, your everything. Baekhyun. His features was illuminated by the street lights showing his perfect face when you turned your gaze against his direction. One hand gripped the steering wheel while the other held into her fingers tightly. He was the most handsome guy you had ever laid your eyes on plus his hair is now embraced a light color, emphasizing his handsomeness but the fact that he had to bleach it six times to get the light grey color makes you feel bad. It wasn't your request at all. It was what his fans want.

Yes, he is Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun who loves his fans so much more than anything in this world. Around one month ago he made a poll on his twitter which hair color he should choose for the next schedule. Meanwhile there you are, you couldn't really believe if you were actually dating someone famous just like what your mother did in the past. Of course, you feel like you were the luckiest girl but deep down you were also afraid.

After finally graduated from college, you decided on focusing against your painting and stuff because your major is about art until you finally owned an art gallery on your twenty-four years old birthday. It was also exactly two years ago when the man, Baekhyun, visited your art gallery to reduce the stress and enjoying all of the masterpiece you have made especially the Kokobop Baekhyun's Mullet iconic look painting. It was painted beautifully and aesthetically pleasing that attract so many audience to come into the gallery to see it clearly with their own eyes. The painting got viral back then in two thousand of seventeen. Your face repeatedly appeared on television show with the painting never leaves your side.

Actually you weren't really into Korean music and stuff but the mullet iconic look on Byun Baekhyun caught your attention a lot. Of course, the owner of the mullet himself knows that. There was a woman who got viral because she painted his iconic looks but due to busy schedule he came to your gallery a year later. And you, of course you weren't expecting he would come into your gallery, alone. You were talking to him and started to hang out after, until Baekhyun said he wanted more than just a simple hang out. And the day you told your mother that you were dating Baekhyun, your mother response was just why don't you date the silent guy.. Kyun.. Kyungsoo? He looks like someone who will love his family with no doubt.

You spent a whole two years of relationship together very carefully. Baekhyun was sure one hundred percent if his fans know about his relationship with you, everything would be turning upside down but thanks to The Genius Idol himself cause he was so good at hiding it.

"Nothing.. " You murmured softly without looking at him. It was around one a.m when both of you wandering around Chungbuk on your way back to Seoul.

"I know you are lying.. Talk to me. What did I do wrong?" He spoke softly while humming to Honeymoon Avenue by Ariana Grande.

"Actually.." You started as you pulled your hand away from his grasp. "There's something.. In my head.. But it doesn't really matter though"

"No no, it does matter. Tell me every—"

You breathed out. "I don't wanna be a burden to you, I know you're tired—"

"I'm not tired, I'm completely fine. I didn't even drink any—" He explained raising his voice a little with his eyes still focusing on the road.

"Listen, Baekhyun. Your face tell otherwise. I've seen everything. About the way you talk to your fans on your Instagram live about your burden, how you talk to your fans on your Bubble Message—"

"I—"

"Don't cut my words" You finally turned around to face the man with your index finger already pointed out against his direction. "I'm trying to respect your privacy here by not forcing you to tell me everything about what the hell is going on inside your head—"

All of the words you've been arranged disappeared out of nowhere when noticed Baekhyun suddenly bursted out into laughing followed by him shaking his head playfully. "Love.. Are you— jealous?"</p>

Jealous? Were you jealous?

"Well, alright. I'm feeling like I was so stressed out lately I don't know why maybe I think about everything too much.. " He continued to speak.

"And also I got some blasphemy and hate speech both on Twitter and incoming messages through my phone. If you watched my Insta live that day you would know, right?"

You nodded simply. "Its not like I don't wanna share my burden with you, trust me I really wanna do that but, Love.. Listen" Baekhyun took your hand again, pressing it against his cheek. Allowing you to feel his soft cheek.

"I don't want you to worry about me too much cause I know you're also a busy person.. " He sighed. "And Oh— Are you one of my Bubble subscribers? Cute.. " He chuckled as his fingers went through her hair to ruffling it.

"Alright now, tell me everything. What is on your mind" With that, his hand leaving her hair and back into the steering wheel.

"They.. Also sent me a lot of hate speech.. And death threats.." Hearing the words, his eyebrows furrowed slightly following by the seriousness drew against his handsome face.

"Wha— fuckin sasaengs. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I'm sorry. I don't feel like I should tell you... You know Baekhyun, they even showed up a couple times in my gallery and tried to grasp my hair.. "

Right, it was around three months ago when you decided to visit the man in his apartment. The watch on your wrist showed it already twelve o'clock in the middle of the night so you thought it was safe to wandering around his apartment and you didn't wear any mask to cover your face. When you arrived at the apartment, the door was slightly ajar. Your heart almost leap out of your chest as your ears caught him shouting following by the voice of a woman crying.

Curious, you braved yourself to stepped inside his apartment and the scene in front of you successfully made your mouth hung open filled with fear. You could feel your blood pumping in a quick tempo when hus eyes flickered to yours. There he was, Baekhyun. His face was red from the anger. His voice was so loud and clear when he told the woman to leave him the fuck alone. You could even see his neck veins popping out when he shouted. It was the first time you saw him so angry.

A second later, the woman noticed your presence because you were standing not far from both of them. She immediately turned around and rushed towards the door. Her eyes bore into yours with pure hatred and bitterness. You were ready to leave also because you know Baekhyun wasn't really in the mood and you tried your best to respect him but a words that came out from his mouth not long after was like a magic spell against your body caused you to stop walking. Stay. With that, you turned around and brought him into a warm embrace.

After the incident that night, of course you started to receiving all the hate messages through your phone and even some random woman tried to grasp your hair more than twice. Maybe they found out already the famous Byun Baekhyun has a girlfriend.

"Then what did you do?" He continued.

"No.. I didn't do anything. I tried my best to keep calm as the woman being dragged out of the gallery by some security guy. I remember she shouted something like die bitch, Baekhyun doesn't like you, he doesn't want to fuck you. You even have a s—" You decided not to let the words out as soon as you realized you don't want to talk about that.

"Oh shut up they literally have no idea about what is actually happening behind the closed door when I make love to you frequently in a week so.." Baekhyun answered right away but the words rolled out his tongue successfully made your cheeks turning into a rosy color following by a light smack from you towards his arm.

"What? Its true!" A deep hearty laugh escaped his lips showing his mochi cheeks into your view.

You could only shake your head and turned back into the road. Slowly, you could feel your eyes drifted off and thinking maybe you need a cup of coffee or will Baekhyun let you sleep leaving him driving alone? Of course, he wouldn't. The time you leaned back comfortably against your seat ready to get some sleep, Baekhyun's singing voice greeted you. He was half screaming when he sing to Versace On The Floor by Bruno Mars while his fingers went into her upper arm squeezing you.

"So baby let's just down the lights and close the dooooor.. Uuuuuhhhhh I love that dress but you won't need it aaanyymoore" He sang his heart out half laughing. "You don't need that anymore. Take it off. Should we pull over?" He pointed against your hoodie.

"Byun—" It happened in a blur because the time you realized, the engine was already died and you were sitting on his lap against the driver seat. It was the way his eyes light up with adoration when he saw your shocked face. He couldn't help but let out an adorable giggle.

"Hello there, pretty baby" He then tucked a hair behind your ear before pulling his seat backward so you wouldn't hit your bum against the wheel.

"Baekhyun what are you doing? If you tired then let me driv—" Again, he wouldn't let you finish talking because you could feel his soft pillow pressed into yours softly. You were about to push him away but Byun Baekhyun owned the magic. Baekhyun smells like his favorite wood scent combined with his natural scent. So addicting.

And then its here again, the familiar feeling you never getting used to. Its feel like someone scratches a rose petals up and down against her belly in a very slow movement. Your lips moved perfectly against each other with your fingers disappeared inside his soft hair. Meanwhile Baekhyun's hands find its way into your hoodie, mumbling between your lips to tell you to take it off.

You couldn't really say a word because he was already all over you. Without thinking twice, you pulled it over your head with Baekhyun's fingers never leave your skin even just for a second. He pulled you closer by the hips and as roughness of his pants down there brushed lightly against yours causing some kind of electricity spread out ever so quickly.

Baekhyun then continued his sweet kisses against your jawline down to your neck. His warm breath caressed your skin in a soyway earning a light ah escaped from your lips. kiss her jawline down to her neck. Your eyes closed, trying to control everything inside. And when Baekhyun's cool fingertips brushed against your lower belly, you caught his face harshly with both of your palm rested against his cheeks.

"Seriously Byun, what are you trying to do?" You breathed out. "I'm not doing it in your audi"

The man looked up against yours. You never thought you would end up wrapped around his fingers on the day you moved back to Korea. Oh how much you just want to hug him forever because seeing his adorable face this close makes your heart aches.

"My audi, my rules."

#baekhyun fluff #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun scenarios #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun oneshot

68 notes · View notes

whattodowithkpop · 3 years

Text

Like a ticking clock (Seongwha)

Title: Like a ticking clock

Paring: Reader x Seongwha (ATEEZ)

Genre: Fluff, spice, slight angst but with a happy ending.

Word count: 2267

Writer: Kpopmadness (Ju)

A/N: @junquisite requested this from a Soulmates prompt. Letter T (Timer) soulmate AU with Seongwha. :D

The bell rang, jolting Seongwha from his daydream. The sound of the bell making him stop tracing patterns on his wrist. He sighed with relief that the day was finally over and he could go home. As he was putting away his books for the day he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder, making him glance to see who it was.

"You were rubbing your wrist again during class." His best friend said as she sat down in the chair opposite of him, Her long hair swooping over her shoulders and dancing along her backpack that she had placed on her lap as she stared intently at him.

Seongwha smiled shyly at her. Not sure what to say. "I can't help it. Ever since mine broke I have the weird feeling that I'm missing something. Even though I'm not really."

The thing that he was referring to was a small band about an inch wide with a small screen with dimly lit letters slayed across it. It wasn't a watch, it was nowhere near that simple. It was a countdown to meeting your soulmate.

It was something almost all young adults got by the time they were 13 years of age. Getting this soulmate watch, called Shadow, was the thing the world over agreed would lead to true happiness in people's love lives. Which did work, the divorce rates plummeted after Shadow was released. The cases of domestic abuse even went down. Because Shadow was designed to make people happy and find the one people were truly meant to be with.

Seongwha remembered going to the Shadow company with his parents when he was 13 to get his Shadow activated. Getting a Shadow was a choice made by all parents. But 95% of the worlds population had a Shadow. So his parents were one of those that decided to get him a Shadow. He didn't much care for knowing when he would meet his soulmate, but he went along for his parents. When it was placed on his wrist and the small screen glowed with life it read him his time.

9 years, 15 hours, 65 seconds

His mother glowed with excitement for him. He didn't quite know what to think of it. But he felt a small spark of joy light in his chest. That's why when he was 15 and he accidently broke his Shadow, he felt a strange sense of loss. His parents said they could replace it. But Seongwha didn't want to do that quite yet. Because he was unsure if he wanted to know if he even still had a soulmate now that he was in his last two months of high school. But ever since that day, he always rubbed his wrist. Reaching for the soft feel of the silicone band but never finding it there.

"You can just always get a new one, Seong." His best friend said softly, jolting him from his thoughts.

"I know I can." He said, standing up to throw his pack over his shoulder. "But you're one to talk about getting a Shadow, miss rebellious."

She smiled at his wit as they walked down the hall to the exit. "Some of us don't want a small device to tell us who we should be with."

Seongwha chuckled at her classic stubbornness. She was one of the few that never got a Shadow. Her parents had decided against it. And since it wasn't law that you were supposed to have a Shadow, she never had one. She swore she was happy without it. Which is something Seongwha admired about her a lot when they met when they were 11.

"Are we hanging out at my place later tonight?" She asked him, making him meet her eyes.

"Are we watching another horror film?" He whined, knowing how much she loved the classic horror movies. Especially the black and white films.

"No, its your turn to pick a movie tonight." She sassed back, playfully nudging his ribs with her elbow.

Seongwha let out a laugh. "I'll see you at 8 then?"

8:00 on Friday's being their stay up all night and watch movies routine since they were 16.

"See you then." She said cheerfully as they parted ways.

``````````

4 years later;

"Seongwha, we are not watching that movie again."

"Why not?" He argued. "It's a good movie."

She shoots him a glare as she slumps onto his couch in his studio apartment. "You have picked that movie nearly every time on Friday nights since High School."

"And you have an obsession with black and white horror films and insist on picking them every time its your turn to pick." Seongwha shoots back.

"It is not an obsession!" She says as she throws a pillow at him, making him laugh.

"Fine, we'll both pick a new movie this time." He said, caving into her wishes. There was no point in arguing over it now after they had kept up their movie night ritual for years.

She smiled at him as he sat down on the couch beside her. Both of them going through their options of new movies and shows to start. They finally settled on a newer romantic movie and settled in to watch it. Her head rested on his shoulder like it almost always did. Their physical closeness nothing new to either one of them. It was comforting to them. As the movie progressed, Seongwha felt his fingers trace the spot of where his Shadow used to be. He still kept a mental timer of when he was supposed to meet his soulmate. But this was the year it was supposed to happen, and the year was half over and nothing had happened to him. And he had no way of knowing who it was or when they would enter his life.

Seongwha let out a sigh and let his hand fall away from tracing his wrist. He forced his attention back on the characters playing out on the screen. As he scooted down further into the couch, her head remained on his shoulder. Making him rest his head against hers with a content sigh. Even if he didn't have a soulmate, he knew he could always rely on her to be there.

The movie hit its climax for the couple on the screen. Leading to a passionate kissing scene between the two. Seongwha felt her tense beside him, knowing she got uncomfortable with these types of scenes. But his heartbeat went up when he fingers traced his wrist where his Shadow used to be. Her touches felt different in that moment somehow.

Heat coursed through him as she lifted her head slowly to meet his eyes. Their gaze lasting much longer than normal. Seongwha's eyes darted from her eyes to her mouth, unsure what to do. He had always viewed them as just friends. But in that moment he felt very differently.

He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by her lips crashing against his. He froze beneath her touch, his lips unwilling to move. But then as if by second nature his lips enclosed hers and his eyes drifted shut, letting every touch soak in completely. His hands drifted until he found her thighs and brought her onto his lap. Her hands sliding from his chest up to weave through his hair.

Seongwha placed a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her even closer to him, suddenly unable to get her close enough to him. He let his tongue run against hers, making her sigh out into his mouth and a rush of adrenaline course through his veins like fire.

She pressed her body closer to his, her teeth biting his lower lip until he could feel it had swollen slightly. His hands shook slightly as they found their way under her shirt, making her tense to his tracings down her spine.

She pulled away from his mouth only slightly to whisper, ''Can we take this to your room?" She asked between labored breaths.

Seongwha felt the words form in his throat, he could feel his arms carry her back to his room. But the words never left his mouth and the actions never followed through.

"I… we can't." He whispered, pulling his hands out from under her shirt.

She met his eyes, hurt and confusion lacing them. "Why?"

"Because… what if we aren't soulmates?" He asked quietly.

You didn't have to listen to what Shadow said about meeting your soulmate. Some never met their soulmate due to them passing away. That left them with the choice of going with someone that wasn't your soulmate, or never trying to replace the love you dreamed of getting from the one that was supposed to be made for you.

But Seongwha had seen it happen before. He had seen where two people fell in love that weren't soulmates. And it might have worked for awhile or right at first. But nothing hurts worse than one day seeing your real soulmate on the street and having the burning thought that you could've made all the right memories with that one. And from their any founded relationship rarely lasts.

She slides off his lap, sitting beside him. Her lips swollen and her eyes brimming with tears. "So you're saying you can’t be with me because you don't think we're meant to be together?"

Seongwha shook his head, trying to take her hands in his but only to have her shrink away from him.

"No, no, no that isn't what I'm saying. I'm just saying that I remember this was supposed to be the year I found my soulmate. And I can't put you through the pain of getting attached to me only to see who was really meant to be with me walk into my life."

She shook her head, tears starting to streak down her cheeks. "You have obsessed over that stupid device since we were kids, Seongwha. And I have loved you since we were 15. But maybe you're right. If you're so obsessed over finding your soulmate then, fine. Maybe we just need to call this off right now."

She stood to leave, quickly going to the door to put on her shoes and coat. Seongwha quickly stood up, his own heart beginning to ache and throb.

"That isn't what I meant and you know it." He snapped. "I don't want to hurt you. A soulmate can be a close friend but it rarely ever works out that way. And I never knew a kiss could mean as much to me as yours just did but I just don't want to hurt you later."

She opened the door and sighed, looking at him through bleary eyes. "Just save it." She whispered brokenly before shutting the door behind her. Leaving Seongwha in the dark.

A few days passed and they did manage to talk things out some. But things were awkward and they couldn't get around it. That's why when she got a job offer on the other side of the world Seongwha felt it was wrong to stop her from going. Wrong to stop her from being happy.

``````

2 years later;

Seongwha walked through the park with a mass of butterflies swirling in his stomach. He placed his fingers on his right wrist again to feel the soft silicone pressed against his skin. He had bought a new Shadow a year ago. He expected not to have a soulmate anymore since the year he was supposed to have one came and went. But that wasn't the case. It ticked and ticked until it got to this day. A day he was anxious for.

But nothing could have prepared him for the person he saw in the park. Standing by the railings over looking the river was his first kiss, his best friend, and now, with how his Shadow was blinking rapidly with a red heart dancing on the screen and how she looked down at her watch to see it doing the same, he knew she was going to be a lot more than all those things in the future.

When their eyes met across the small space between them, their eyes filled with tears. And Seongwha didn't fight it when she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Her familiar scent filling his nose and soothing him.

"You got a Shadow after all." He lightly teased, his head still buried in her neck.

She let out a watery chuckle. "Because I got curious. And I always hoped it would be you on the other side of all this. Because I have missed you so much and I am so sorry about--"

Seongwha silenced her by taking her face in his hands and attaching his lips to hers. Joy sparking in his chest. She melted into his touch, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Slowly, Seongwha pulled away, smiling down at her as their noses brushed each other. "I missed you too." He whispered, making his smile up at him.

#kpop x reader #ateez masterlist #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #seonghwa ateez #ateez seonghwa #ateez #ateez angst #ateez fluff #Ateez spice #kpop #x reader #kpop fanfiction #fanfiction #fluff #kpopmadness admin #kpopmadness writings #writing prompts

39 notes · View notes