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phoenixyfriend · 9 months

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Hey have a fun AU I came up with the other day after reading a bunch of fics with related tropes

It's a raised Sith AU. Anakin was found by Sidious well before he was found by Qui-Gon. He was raised by the Sith, is a classically horrible monster stalking about TCW to be Vader (mask and all, just as an intimidation factor instead of life support) while Ventress and Grievous and Dooku do their own things in a different section of the war. He's got a Really Fucking Weird dynamic with Obi-Wan, mostly attempting to kill him etc.

At some point, Palpatine allows Anakin and Padme to meet. The romance that blooms is one that Sheev decides is useful to him, so he lets it happen.*

Padme gets pregnant. Sidious arranges for her death. Anakin loses his entire shit and tries to kill Sidious. Obi-Wan is off trying to save Padme, unaware of Anakin getting his remaining limbs cut off by his this-universe Master. (This is important, because Anakin does remember Obi-Wan trying to save Padme.)

So we have Anakin, who was raised Sith, and just lost the only things that have mattered to him since his mom died when he was a kid, and Palpatine has pushed him further into the Dark than he ever has. Anakin… knows more about the Sith Secrets in this universe.

Anakin finds a Sithly Time Machine. Maybe on Malachor. There's an owl? Whatever.

Anakin, someone who's been Vader for the vast majority of his life, wakes up at age nine. Maybe even younger, like six. His mother is already dead at Sidious's hands. He's already roommates with Maul. He's already being trained as a baby Sith.

Anakin, being a 20 year old war veteran, is much better at escaping than Sidious has planned for. He reprograms a medical droid to take out his slave chip, steals a ship, etc. All the stuff that Maul wasn't very good at, and Anakin was too young for, so Sidious didn't have the preventative measures in place for yet.

Anakin heads for the one place and person he thinks he can trust: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

(Obi-Wan is still a padawan. But this Baby Sith just declared him Adoptive Teen Dad, so.)

@lizasweetling (all indented bits from here will be hers):

Because Sith. Bad for mental health of the user and generally bad for their environs But also baby. And if hes dragging Maul around no doubt the dude is constantly himself confused why he is here Like yeah, Sidious sucked, and this 6-9yo is way powerful and knowledgeable on the dark side (?????) But why are we going to the Jedi? And not even trying to kill them apparently?????

Anakin is very much being affected by Baby Brain and Baby Endocrine System. He cries a lot more than he should.

I WASN'T THINKING OF HIM BRINGING MAUL BUT YEAH. THAT'S. THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.

Jedi Council trying to decide if this is more "Adult Sith got shrunk" or "child got evil man's memories." Vader wants to know why it even MATTERS. (He didn't actually plan on telling them, but he has very little self control right now.)

The first Good Act he does is tell them where to find Ventress and Ky. (In the original timeline, he viewed Ventress as like. Cool older cousin.)

Vader's right, that distinction does not matter Aaaw, she deserves that, that's nice Maybe she will be like 20% less homocidally traumatized

Anakin is furious when Maul and Obi-Wan pick him up under one arm like a package. He is a GROWN MAN he is an ADULT he was a SITH LORD and about to be a FATHER, he is TOO OLD FOR THIS.

They point out that he is Baby.

😂 sorry lord of evil, you're too baby, have a nap and maybe your feel better. Assuming the crisis on Naboo is still happening, and as such the vote of no confidence is right now, it might be a great time to report Sidious as a Sith lord. Post-escape from Sidious, both he and Maul definitely will need a nap. It's that kinda place.

Oh, it's probably at least a year before. Anakin keeps trying to sneak off to kill the man himself, but the Jedi are more ready for his Sneaking than Mustafar was, so he keeps getting caught before he can reach the Senate.

At one point he tries to just CHARGE the place and you get Mace and Obi-Wan sprinting after him. The News captures videos of this very small child getting chased by an older Padawan and a Master and they are mostly yelling for him to PUT DOWN THE SABER.

(Sidious might see him but what's he going to do? Might cause too many problems for Sidious to be aware of Anakin's presence with the Jedi, though. Best not.)

It's probably more expensive on average to hire an assassin on a child, just in general But on a jedi youngling??? If he can even find someone to do that, it will be so very, ridiculously expensive And likely 70%+ upfront payments

Ahsoka definitely seeks him out. Toddler baby child. She adores him for reasons unclear to anyone and everyone.

!!! Baby has baby!! Vader's probably a little thrown by this. Been a while subjectively since someone just loved him. And not even for like, a reason. Baby Vader coerced into sitting obediently for nap by tired kiddo: [The council liked that]

The number of times that vader could only be convinced to nap by Obi-Wan grabbing him, caging him in his own lap, and forced to Sit Quietly until he just fell asleep like that...

He has things to do, he's not tired 😡😡😡💢 (He's 9. Distances are between 150 and 195% longer when measured with steps, he's hungry (subjectively) all the time, and has only middling coordination He so is too tired)

Anakin doesn't know Qui-Gon at all but he keeps getting stuffed into the man's top because he's just. Small enough to fit.

Like the bomb boobs gif, but it's a small child.

the indignity

You just. You can't let him get too self-important.

Vader is Disgusted every time the pediatric healers try to talk down to him like they do to other 6yos.

The difference between this and other "Vader goes back in time to the Jedi" AUs (like Force of Many Sights) is that this Vader has never been a Jedi, and doesn't know anything about them except how they fight when he's trying to kill their friends.

Also Maul's there.

Because even he has a hard time taking himself seriously when hes so easy to manhandle Rest of the time; I am fear, I am death personified As luggage child: I am so small. The tiniest. I crave violence He's probably very annoyed they keep taking away his saber And hey! Obi gets practice not losing his! Woooo!

Something something Anakin clinging to Maul's back (piggy back ride) and chewing on his head or something stupid like that. Perfect height for head biting.

You know, the classic anime head bite

Maul probably has been nominally talked into this because this 9yo is a powerful darksider But he is also the world's most annoying tiny kid Maul would've thought his phenotype would make him immune to this ridiculousness He was wrong At least the teeth are a bit less pointy than his other little brothers'? Appreciating the little things

tfw your unwanted little brother drags you to what you think is a cult but actually they're way less culty than your last two places so you just stick around to keep an eye on the little shit

Anyway. ObiMaul for this one.

They're peers They're tired They just want to sit down and not have to chase this weird little murder child They have a lot in common 😊

They are all just a little bit stupid, I love them.

Qui-Gon is a Cool Mom (throws condoms at them and books it).

Yeah, that's about as much involvement as would be appreciated They probably did a lot of sparring before the tension broke Which did not relieve said tension, generally made it worse (Competence, athleticism, sweat-) Vader is confused, but probably doesn't mind He's probably glad they're distracting each other from stopping assassinating a certain someone (Which- that is 9yo hubris. He would need help to do that)

I still can't decide where on 6yo-9yo he falls but somewhere in there

Babies means easier hiding in shirt, teenie Ahsoka, and longer for him to convince the Jedi council to do a Sith hunt before the Naboo situation

Also longer for Maul and Obi-Wan to faff about being all Tension

* Vaguely inspired by the backstory of Rulebreaker/Wildheart, which is great but significantly more of a romance fic than this.

#anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #maul #darth maul #obimaul #obi wan and anakin #anakin and obi wan #ahsoka tano #time travel #de aging #star wars #phoenix posts

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gffa · 8 days

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If you could change anything about the Prequel and the Sequel trilogies, what would it be?

I love the prequels, in all their both brilliant and dumbass glory, so as tempted as I am to say that I would have had Lucas find someone else to direct the prequels after Spielberg said no (I think he was firm in saying Lucas should do them?), I really love that mix of something genuinely good and something genuinely bonkers. I would change the Tuskens storyline to be less racist/the Neimoidians to have a different accent and I would put more Asian Jedi into the scenes, if you're going to base them on Buddhist monks, we could use a little more real world reflecting of that. The sequels on the other hand need an overhaul from top to bottom. At a bare minimum they needed to have at least planned the storyline out ahead of time and had a single vision instead of the tug-o-war that we got. I would not have made Kylo and Rey's characters all about each other, I would have spread the connections around more, given Kylo and Luke more than just the one scene together, I would have given Finn a better storyline, I would have given Poe a better backstory, I would have connected the storyline better in the movies to the world they inhabited (ie, use more established settings and alien races, etc.), I would have kept the OT trio to secondary characters, but also let them have reactions to each others' deaths in the same room, I wouldn't have made Han/Leia into that because how am I supposed to have fun with rewatching the originals knowing everything went to shit, I would not have brought Palpatine back (or at least I would have set it up from the beginning otherwise), etc. The sequels were in a difficult place, but even as many issues as I have with TFA (too much of a palette swap of ANH for my tastes), the pieces for a satisfying story were there, it's just that everyone wanted to take it in different directions and none of the three movies really seemed to get what Star Wars' themes were. I love the characters and there were great moments in there, but I would have sat them down with a bunch of Lucas interviews about what the themes of Star Wars was before starting and tried to give them a better foundation for understanding it.

#lumi.txt #star wars #sw negativity

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fanfic-obsessed · 2 years

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We are all Jedi

Consider this:

It is barely a few months into the war. The Jedi know they have been manuevered into leading a child slave army, of course they know. But knowing and being able to do anything substantial about it are two different things. Then an idea sparks.

No one is quite sure how or who. Perhaps it started as a way to let the Younglings help with the war effort, they all want to help so badly. Perhaps it started as a complaint from an exhausted Council member. Perhaps from the Crechlings who found out that Anakin Skywlaker had never been in the creche and insisted that he sleep there one night when he was on leave from deployment (after all, all Jedi need to sleep in the creche at least once) and he came out of that night so much more settled. Perhaps it grew, organic, the way such madness does.

The Idea: they would induct the clones as members of the Jedi Order. It could not become official until the war ends, they would have to be honorary members until they were allowed to update their roles, but they could have a ceremony. It is decided that the Initiates and younglings would design the ceremony, which ended up including a night spent in the creche. The younglings insisted that this ceremony had to be done in smaller groups, so it could be special, so it took nearly a year to induct all of the clones (the first group being the Coruscant guard). And it is entirely possible that Fox and the CG accidentally, and without realizing it, found a way to shield certain information from Palpatine. After all there is a Rodian younlinging in the Creche who’s first words was ‘Fox’. Whom he may visit every other tenday, because she loved to cuddle him and all of the creche masters told him that he was her favorite.

From the point of the first ceremony there were always a few platoons worth of clones in the creche with the younglings. Clone Cadets were given access to, and encouraged to take, the remote classes setup for the initiates and padawans. Padawan commanders now had study groups of their own troops where they could discuss philosophy and ethics and that one essay (Everyone has that One Essay).

It should have been such a small thing, such an insignificant thing, at first many of the the Master wept for the fact that they could not even make it official. Could not free the troops, could not push back against the senate. Could not even tell anyone that the Clones are part of the Order, rather than just belonging to it. But…But, every trooper got experience sleeping under a pile of younglings. Had the pleasure of being fought over, not because they were made for war, but because this one colored the best or that one could do fancy braids. They could wander in and out of the Temple like any other Jedi. And there would always be Pong Krells in the world, but it was so much harder to see someone as disposable or less than when you run into them at 3am in the archives, trying to finish an essay you remember struggling with as a child.

Some things change and others do not.

Then Order 66…The Jedi are traitors.

Only…

The Clones are also Jedi, they slept in the creche and everything. And we could go the sad route: Madness and suicide and even more genocide. But we could also go the other way.

If the Clones are Jedi and the Jedi are traitors then the Clones must be traitors as well. And Good Soldiers follow Orders but they are not Good Soldiers. They are Traitors. There are a number of clones that have a minor freak out because they ‘don’t know how to be a traitor!!!!’ but then someone goes, ‘we can ask our Generals/ Commanders/ our Creche masters, they’ll tell us’.

There is still a good couple of hours of utter confusion for everyone involved as the Jedi try to work out why the troopers thought they were all traitors. In the creche it was universally decided to hand any trooper that comes through the door a youngling to hold as it seemed to calm everyone down. In the Archives, a dozen archivists conspire to give the troopers, many of whom are shaking and confused, something easy and fun to research (the resulting papers would later be cited as the foremost authority in a hundred different topics). Two battalions that had been fighting droids at the time of Order 66 accidentally enter into a cease fire when they inform the droids that they are traitors to the Republic and the droid can’t figure out if they are supposed to keep shooting or not (the clones don’t know either) (the Jedi generals are just glad for the respite).

And the Coruscant guard has possibly been waiting for this moment their entire lives. Each member of the ‘Guard has a list of senators, aides, and assorted others that they would kill given even a sliver of a chance. Immediately upon the news that they are traitors, Fox has them armed and storming the Rotunda. Most of them expect to die, and want to take a few of those bastards out before they go.

Fox himself, feeling more cheerful than he had in some time, meets up with Padme Amidala in a Senate hallway. He nods his head to her respectfully ‘ma’am’, as if she hadn’t just seen him shoot a particularly odious senator's aide.

Padme is cautious and very pregnant, but she is one of the few people who the troopers are trying not to hit. “Commander Fox? What’s going on?”

“Oh, the Chancellor declared us traitors.”

And Padme, heavily pregnant, looks around at the panicking being rushing through the halls, the troopers stalking through somehow radiating a menacing glee, “So your first action is…this”

Fox nods agreeably, still far too cheerful, “Have to be sentient to be traitors. If we’re sentient, then we’re being abused and assaulted, and all those other words where a sentient is being hurt by other. Can’t blame us for taking a piece out of our abusers.”

And Padme feels like she should be able to argue with this but really can’t find the words. Fox, on the basis that she is one of maybe one hundred non clones in the Senate building who is not on any of the ‘Guards kill list, decides that she should be escorted to the Jedi temple with it’s healers. She is very pregnant, all this stress could not be good for her, and the Temple has better medical facilities. Fox manages to round up one of his medics and three troopers whose lists were small enough that they have exacted their revenge already. They are to escort Padme to the temple, along with any of the other ‘Not to Kill’ beings that they might come across.

Anakin starts to storm past, but realizes that Padme is there. He is half fallen to the dark, dazed and looks a bit like corpse. Fox decides that he also needs to be escorted to healers, and makes a joke that Anakin should ‘help’ escort Padme, to make sure this stress isn’t going to hurt her. Anakin, being dazed and more suggestible than is truly healthy (also oblivious about many many things), takes him seriously. They are sent on their way to the temple, where the healers look at Anakin and Padme, promptly getting both of them into a bed.

A few troopers, chasing a senators aide, find Master Windu in the lower levels and bring him to the temple (they may want revenge but they are Jedi first and Windu is one of theirs).

Sidious, who was on nearly every kill list, is powerful. There is no doubt about that. He can easily stop up to twenty blaster shots, plus three slugs, at once. However there are 150 Couruscant Guard, including Fox and Stone, who are able to claim the privilege of shooting him. Twenty five of those with slug throwers.

He died without ever finding out what went wrong with his plan.

#star wars the clone wars #star wars au #fanfiction prompt #order 66 #in defense of the jedi #Jedi Order Respected #sheev palpatine #commander fox #anakin skywalker #padme naberrie

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captainkirkk · 2 months

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✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.

Untamed

All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea)

Full-time necromancer and part-time cam boy, Wei Wuxian, finds himself unexpectedly homeless. An enthusiastic patron comes to his rescue.

Conversely:

Immortal Cultivator Lan Wangji has been waiting a long time for his deceased husband to be reincarnated again. In retrospect, he should have anticipated that this is how it would go.

myself and this body that they stuck me in by misspickman

"Oh,” Bart says with a hint of surprise in his voice. “You look so pretty.”

“I look like a girl,” he rebuts. He's not sure why he's even continuing this conversation.

Bart, blissfully unaware of Kon's internal crisis, shrugs and says, “Well, I think you'd make a lovely girl."

when I see myself, I always know where you are by suzukiblu

"There's no point in killing Superboy," Match says reasonably. "It's not like you'd care if he died."

"The Agenda thinks I wouldn't care if Superboy died?" Superman asks incredulously, just staring at him. "Why, because he's a clone?"

"Because I reported back my interactions with you when I was pretending to be him," Match corrects, puzzled by the vehemence of the response. "And also the lack thereof."

"What?" Superman says, still just staring.

Stranger Things

smoking guns (hot to the touch) by fivecenturiesverse (+ podfic)

Sure, they've saved the world, but the best part of that really is that it doesn't end there and in a town where everyone thinks he murdered a girl, he's at least got Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley. It's really not his fault he accidentally starts living at Steve's house, he was invited, after all. There's a mystery too, about Barbara Holland and Steve's pool.

“Your boner is digging into me,” says Robin, and Steve snorts a tired sort of laugh.

“I don’t have a —”

“You do, I can feel it. Gross.”

“Okay, but it’s only a little one,” he says in a small voice which sounds like he’s impersonating someone.

“Are you ever going to let that go? I peed a little bit when the Russians got the torture devices out, okay?” She sounds amused, though.

Eddie jolts. “Russian torture devices?”

Robin carries on like she didn’t hear him but Steve catches his eye and he’s grinning. “How do you even have a boner dude? You were definitely having a nightmare I know your twitching means a nightmare… Did you have a boner over Vecna?"

M!ik

Iruma's Bloodline Ability by SpeedOfSnake

"Of course!” Asmodeus took the bait. “I am talking about Iruma-sama's ability to wipe the minds of his enemies.”

...Iruma had the ability to do what now?

...

Asmodeus believes Iruma has a bloodline ability, and Iruma tries to figure out why.

Star Wars

Back Where We Belong by thiswildheart

"Obi-Wan," Anakin breathed, and the dread crystallised into heartbreaking terror.

Of course. He should have known. Maybe he had known, but been too afraid to look it in the eye.

Not the kids, not Padmé, but someone as dear to him as they were. No wonder he'd been so sure his family was in danger.

(The war is over and Palpatine's gone, yet traces of his intended empire still threaten Anakin's family. Anakin will not fall again, but he's prepared to use everything the Light can offer to get his brother home.)

#happy friday :))#weekly fic round up #my posts #fic recs #sw recs #untamed recs #m!ik recs #dc recs #stranger things recs

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heart-of-a-rebel16 · 10 days

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hold up lads I just got really emotional about the meta implications of one alexsandr kallus for a second.

so we never learn his first name, right? Not in the show at least; he’s always just Kallus. Maybe Zeb calls him Kal when he thinks no one’s listening, maybe it’s a precious secret between them, but as far as we ever know, he’s just Kallus. Because bad guys don’t get first names. It’s Pryce, it’s Palpatine, it’s Dooku, it’s Hux. It’s Kallus, and just Kallus.

but then he defects. He uproots his life for what he knows is right. He throws everything he knows out the damn airlock and he lives to tell the tale. He’s still Kallus, though. He’ll always be Kallus, and just that.

but then he’s given a name. Because he’s not a villain anymore. He’s not just Kallus, he’s Alexsandr Kallus, who possesses the heart of a fucking rebel, who did what was right and put in the work for his rebellion, not even expecting anything in return.

He’s complete now. He’s Alexsandr.

#RREAGH #I was rereading his wookiepedia page #And there’s a quote from Filoni about how now that he has a first name he’s a more complete character #And OHOOOOO BOY did that get the brain going #star wars rebels #swr #sw rebels #star wars #agent kallus #alexsandr kallus

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antianakin · 1 year

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Man, now that I've made the connection between Palpatine intentionally manipulating Anakin against the Jedi and Anakin somewhat unintentionally poisoning Ahsoka against the Jedi, I can't unsee it.

We have this lineage that, yes, is called the disaster lineage, but is full of such beautiful wonderful Jedi who seem to have genuinely loved being a Jedi (at least, for a while in Dooku's case) and genuinely loved teaching and loved their students. And we see how that love and passion and dedication DID get passed down. We can see Yoda's patience and cleverness in Dooku, Dooku's passion in Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon's love and determination in Obi-Wan. We can even see some of Obi-Wan's lessons in Anakin every so often.

But Anakin isn't listening the same way everyone else was. Anakin doesn't believe the same way everyone else did.

Anakin gives lip service to the lessons he learned from Obi-Wan ("purpose before feelings") and Ahsoka certainly HEARS them, but she's also picking up just as much from Anakin's actual actions and choices and the lessons he teaches that go unsaid as she ever is from the few times he throws out some platitudes. She picks up on his mistrust of the Council, his belief that the Jedi aren't good enough. She knows that he wants to leave, that he's not even necessarily HAPPY as a Jedi all the time. She picks up on his disobedience and arrogance and impatience and puts herself in dangerous situations because of it. She sees his attachments, his attachment to HER, his attachments maybe even to Padme and Obi-Wan.

Anakin passes on just as much if not more of what he learned from PALPATINE than he ever did from Obi-Wan. Because actions can speak louder than words, and Anakin's actions show where his beliefs and values truly lie, and it isn't with the Jedi.

So Anakin breaks the lineage. He destroys Ahsoka's hopes of ever truly being a good Jedi Knight long before he commits genocide against the Order because he'd already started turning her against them, potentially without even realizing that that's what he was doing. Ahsoka got trained by Darth Vader, by Palpatine's apprentice, before he took on the name and position officially.

Which raises the question of whether Ahsoka WOULD'VE stayed in the Order ultimately in a situation where the Wrong Jedi arc doesn't happen, Palpatine is killed early, and Anakin stays for longer for one reason or another, but remains married to Padme and living a life of secrecy and lies. Would Ahsoka have ultimately had just enough mindfulness to decide to walk away? Would she have always decided the Jedi were too busy playing politics to truly help anyone, or did that only happen because of the Wrong Jedi arc? Would Anakin's training of her always have ultimately led to that end just because he's giving her Palpatine's poison, but she grew up on Jedi foundations of mindfulness that would give her the ability to actually walk away that Anakin has never had?

#anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #disaster lineage #count dooku #obi-wan kenobi #qui-gon jinn #yoda #sheev palpatine #palpatine #anakin skywalker critical #anti anakin #anti anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano critical #star wars

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pharawee · 4 days

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Just some random thoughts on yesterday's Pit Babe 2 announcement because I keep seeing some theories floating around (really interesting theories, mind you!) on how Way and Tony could or couldn't still be alive and...

Apart from the fact that this is Thai drama and they don't really need a reason to still be alive beyond the fact that (much like Emperor Palpatine) somehow they've returned, the show itself has also given us plenty of possible canon reasons for what could have happened if we take the announcement trailer at face value:

That drug Babe's father used on Charlie could also have been used on Way.

Everyone was far too upset and distracted to check if Way was really dead. They didn't even administer first aid. For all we know Way could have felt like going for a walk five minutes after everyone left.

Fancy enigma powers (it's over for all of us if he ever learns to do mass-hypnosis).

Way has returned as Way the White.

As for Tony, he's rich and evil and eternally scheming so he totally could have planned for this. I could even see him using Kenta as part of his contigency plan - and playing dead is the perfect sleight of hand. If you want to get really dark, I don't think Kenta would have been in any position to refuse if Tony had roped him into at least somewhat taking the fall for him (granted, he did look surprised by whoever got them all out of prison but it could have been surprise at Tony actually returning for him). It would even add to that penultimate scene of him accepting his role as Tony's dog. One very satisfying stabbing indident doesn't really change the fact that, dead or alive, Tony will always have some degree of influence over him - especially if there's no one left to give him guidance (and Lord knows Dean and Winner can't even find their way out of a clown car).

Besides, neither Pete nor X-Hunter (seemingly) standing up for him (and that after they all gave him so much encouragement in season 1) and leaving him to rot in prison with Winner and Dean (I'm kind of taking that personally) actually somewhat confirms his skewed worldview of Tony being an inescapable reality.

And much like Kenta himself, I'm also still not over PeteKenta so I wonder how and if that will factor into everything - especially since with Way (presumably) still alive Pete again has the choice between two poor little meow-meows who are (un?)willingly trapped on the wrong side of things. Because he will try to save them both. It's just who he is (but yes, I'm also here for PeteWay so I don't mind either way; all I know is that the angst will be delicious).

I'm also just really excited for the baddie squad in general. We have Dean who's pragmatic and ambitious (and looking really good while doing his evil little thing), Winner who's making squeaky clown shoe noises wherever he goes (I know this and I love him) and Kenta who's tragically stuck with both of them. Those are some A+++ dynamics and I already love this team-up so much. I'd watch a whole series with just these three.

Then there's the possibility of the whole announcement trailer being one big sleight of hand and maybe KentaDeanWinner (don't mind if I do) aren't evil at all but more of a Suicide Squad kind of thing (again, would watch). They could be working for Pete (and the thought of Pete possibly having read Winner's mind and still deciding to hire him is incredibly funny to me).

Anyway, I want everyone to be still alive because imagine the shenanigans! The absolute high jinks! The angst! The possibilities are endless!!

#pit babe 2 #pit babe the series #pit babe #jane watches stuff #will i ever write serious meta?#probably not #that's just the winner in me #never mind me i'm just so excited and i have so many thoughts #and i need a place to sort them

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bisexualwintermoon · 2 months

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the return of holo-tumblr (circa 19 BBY)

🐍 starlightandsecrets

"holo-tumblr isnt under empire control" cool can you guys get rid of live now

#well. at least we can still post about how we hate the empire

(7,564 notes)

🥇 allthelonelypeople follow

idc about the empire im just glad the clone wars over

🚉 trainstrainstrains

sorry but if you think this empire is a good idea you legitimately dont know anything about politics

✨ jedi-defense-squad

On the first day of existence, the Empire wiped out the Jedi order, which is an act of genocide. Everyone should absolutely be concerned.

#tw empire defense #added to blocklist #mod aliina

(549 notes)

🧶 cataloging-clothes follow

Funeral gown of Padmé Amidala, Senator and former Queen of Naboo

#naboo #padmé amidala #senator amidala #queen amidala #long live the republic

(173 notes)

🪙 y-wing-supremacy

so senator amidala was one of the members of the delegation of the 2000 who spoke out against palpatine and then she dies shortly after palpatine starts an empire…interesting…

#y talks #this is suspicious right. like its not just me.

(5,825 notes)

🏴‍☠️ supergalactic follow

jsut got back from the outer rim whats happening

🎟️ curses-and-luck

bestie maybe go back to the outer rim

(382 notes)

🎶 taylorswiftupdates follow

Taylor Swift was spotted packing up her Coruscant apartment and leaving the planet after seemingly breaking things off with Sebulba.

#taylor swift #taylor swift updates

(86,821 notes)

📀 recorderenthusiast

so what u should do is go out and join your local rebel cell,

#fuck the empire !!

(1,827 notes)

🐸 frog

a bitch, palpatine is

(1 note)

#eclipse’s posts <3 #star wars #holo-tumblr #tumblr simulator #tumblr dashboard simulator #dashboard simulator #unreality #mace & yoda’s mutualship once again transcends death #sebulba is like the matty healy of taylor swifts exes in this verse in a way #<- normal tag for a person to type

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phantom-of-the-501st · 2 months

Text

And we're back!

Initial thoughts on TBB S3 Eps 1-3

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

3x1 Confined

Final season premiere let's go!!!

Storms are never a good sign

There's creepy shit on Tantiss (crocodile thing from the trailer maybe?)

Although Hemlock counts as creepy enough

He's the creepiest thing on the whole planet 😬

Tbf there's a stunning view, it's just a shame about the prison window blocking it

CROSS IS BACK!!!

Omega blood sample? That's gotta come back later in the season!

Are these blood samples labelled? How tf does anyone know which is which??? That's just bad lab practice 🙄

Oh the weird machine knows. Nvm

"Replicate the genetic M count" and they want Omega's blood???

Nala Se is protecting Megs. Slenderbitch may actually be of some use

Force senstive Megs?

This feels like this is linking with the cloning plot in The Mandalorian

The animal welfare standards here are abysmal 😠

BATCHER?! Oh that's adorable 😍

And I thought Omegas's room was bad holy shit 😭

The grid across Cross' room is casting a crosshair on Omega's face. I love little details like that

21 tallies on wall = 21 rotations? That doesn't seem like very long

STRAW LULA?! 😭❤️

Why are there blood drips going into each sample? This seems like a contamination issue

At least 150 tallies now 😭

Subject will be terminated if they don't heal. Feels very much like the clones when they were on Kamino, which just shows how much the clones were treated like animals

"I belong here" *sobs*

Cross don't make me cry istg. I can't do this at 8am on a Wednesday 😭

Okay but the droid kind of had a point about Batcher struggling in the wild because of Omega domesticating her. One thing you learn about working in a zoo environment is that hand-reared animals have no idea how to behave like their wild counterparts and basically turn into little psychos (like you can't actually be in the same room as some of them levels of bad). That or they rely on people too much and have no idea how to fend for themselves. Either way, the droid wasn't entirely wrong

Hemlock is a bastard 😒

Omega's theme!!!

Season premiere and only two Batcher (neither of whom are Hunt or Wreck). Interesting!

1x2 Paths Unknown

Fucking Roland Durand?!

Did not expect that in episode 2 omg!

Hunter and Wrecker being mercenaries for the Durands?

Ah okay it seems to be a one off

THE GOGGLES IN THE SHIP! 😭😭😭😭

Hunt and Wreck be looking a bit scuffed

Echo and Rex mention!

They won't be available for 2 rotations? Well we're not seeing them this episode then...

Hunter's emotions are making him impulsive and that's not really a good thing

Wrecker is actually the one holding back, which is an interesting dynamic. Wrecker can see how bad Hunter is coping and is probably having to keep him in line as much as he can so that they don't lose another brother

CLONE CADETS! CLONE CADETS!

These ones actually have New Zealand accents as well

The slither vines were genetically made and got out of hand? This is what we mean by invasive species, people. Very much not good

Okay so we have one called Box and one called Stak

Are the cadets not affected by the chips? Do they only active in fully trained soldiers?

We need to get these kids to Echo and Rex

GONKY BACKPACK!!! 😆

Poor Gonky is stuck upside down.

These vines are making vocalisations somehow and it's confusing me. Plant voice boxes?

OKAY WTF ARE THOSE THINGS???

They look like weird green versions of the slogs from Abe's Oddysee

Why are you breaking into the Marauder???

You better not be stealing it. That's already happened and we can't do it again

Okay clone cadet 3 is Deke

Ayyyy rescue time!

Okay, I'll let them off for getting on the ship

Because we totally needed a swampy sarlacc thing rn 😭

PABU!!!

*Remembers invasion of Pabu in trailer* FUCK

1x3 Shadows of Tantiss

I'm going to throw hands if Echo isn't in this episode 😤

Ooh mystery clone(?) who everyone thinks is Tech!

Nala Se is helping again 👀

The special guest is probs Palpatine

Le Palps is back

Project Necromancer - bringing back the dead?

So is this to do with the cloning stuff or something to do with Tech?

Probs the cloning thing tbf

*Angry mouse droid squeaks*

FUCK YEAH CROSS!

Missed watching this guy fight

Cross and Omega team up let's go!!!

Cross doesn't question why Omega only mentioned Wrecker and Hunter. Has Omega told him about Tech or did he just not question why she only brought two up?

And in that case has she told him that Echo is with Rex?

I HAVE QUESTIONS!

Cross went for the stun not the kill. Very different from 2x3

Do you think Hemlock has a scar or does he just choose to shave a slit in his eyebrow? 🤨

Oh great a big green monkey cat. Just what we need!

"Of course he did". CROSSHAIR BEING SOFT ABOUT TECH HELP

Cross is missing shots because of his shaky hands :(

OMEGA M COUNT???

Oooooooh they're adding blood with midichlorians in to the samples to see if they would take. That explains the blood being added to the samples

Overall I love these episodes! It's nice going back and forth between Cross and Omega, and Hunter and Wrecker. We're going to get some interesting dynamics

This is a very sad day for Echo stans though. I feel like we're going to be suffering a lot this season 🥲

And here's the bingo card as of rn!

#glad to be back #need to do some theorising #but I also have to do research for my dissertation so *cries*#the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb hunter

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padawansuggest · 4 months

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So I recently discussed this with @bitter-chocolate-stars and I need you guys to know I am CLAMBERING for an AU where the nulls, who famously (to their brothers who probably think they’re ICONS) took over a whole fucking part of the whole cloning facility of Kamino after the Kaminoan’s told Kal Skirata (Dad) to get out because they don’t need trainers anymore and the war just started and the nulls are like ‘what if we stage a coup’. And it fucking works?????

Yeah I want an AU where the Jedi are like ‘lmao that’s a good idea y’all know any other clones that can help with that to take over more of the facility?’ And Alpha 17 and his commanders melt out of the walls like ‘hey we got this’ and take over all of Kamino and the Jedi look at the senate all ‘sowwwwwwwy, we twied so vewy hawd to get them to stand dowwwwwwwn 😭’ and force the senate to make a draft which halts the entire fuckin war in its tracks and then Palpatine throws a tantrum and reveals he’s a Sith so they kill him and go hunting for the other generals who got sat on by the Kilo beast lmao whoops.

Anyways. I think the nulls should have been allowed to take over Kamino and declare themselves a third faction of the war and maybe even convince the droid army to get jealous and stage their own coup with R2-D2 as their general and idk man idk that would be super funny.

Kal, after being handed the entire clone army: oh my god my throat is gonna kill me after I say the gai bal manda for all of them

Also Jango is alive and under house arrest in the Jedi temple with Boba so he’s like. Whatever. Might as well happen. Fuck all y’all at least he has his kid and probably anxiety meds from the healers. He’s taking a vacation. Boba is learning how to steal initiates to cheer Buir up by shoving them in his arms when he looks sad in the gardens. Grogu is his little pal he’s such a bad boy they commit crimes together.

The nulls find Tag and Bink and adopt them what crimes do you think they will commit? Tax fraud probably.

#star wars #kal skirata #clone nulls #I just think they should kick the cloners out they house and give it a paint job #jango fett #obviously Jango is tryina get in nice master Kenobi’s underbritches #Padme and Anakin come back from their Tatooine wedding that Shmi officiated and are like *shocked pikachu face*#Walon killed Priest and refused to let the clones get hurt after some therapy thanks #and by therapy I mean kal yelled at him for like six straight hours after ordo got hurt #he needs more therapy than Jango no fuckin joke #but priest needs death by sword up the ass

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vodika-vibes · 5 months

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Heyyyy!!!!

Can I have a Cody finds out/being told that f!reader is pregnant? To make things more complicated lol f!reader is a jedi

Idk where this came from tho… if you don’t have the time or inspiration it’s fine, I love u 🤍

And A Baby Makes Three...

Summary: You find out you're pregnant, and now you have to tell Cody.

Pairing: Commander Cody x F!Reader

Word Count: 996

Warnings: Talk of pregnancy

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: hihi! Thanks for the request! I hope you like it!

You frown at yourself in the mirror and pull your robe tight across your stomach. It’s not obvious yet, at least, and you suppose, with a little clever misdirection with the force, people might not notice the baby bump at all.

At least, you hope so.

You’ve been the Jedi General of the 212 for over a year and a half now. And while no one had been happy when the order was given, in hindsight you have to admit that it made sense.

After all, Obi-Wan was a negotiator. He was at his most effective using his words to convince both parties to come to an agreement. You, however, had spent the majority of your jedi career careening from one civil war to the next.

You know military strategy like you know the back of your hand.

And, with the sudden death of Palpatine, and the startling knowledge that he had been pulling the strings on both sides of the war…well, having the skilled Negotiator sitting in meetings day in and day out was far more important than having him on a warship.

Of course, he doesn’t seem to be doing the greatest job at bringing about an end to the war, since it’s still going on.

You release the front of your robes with a sigh.

Honestly, what is the point of even having that implant if it’s not going to work like it’s supposed to. You fold your arms over your chest, and tilt your head back as you try to gather your thoughts.

You need to tell Cody, obviously. Mostly because the baby is his, and partly because the fact that you’re going to be pregnant is going to have to change the way the battalion approaches any upcoming battles.

You release a sigh and rub the back of your neck, trying to ease the tension before it turns into a headache. It’s not going to work, the only person who seems to have the ability to massage away your tension headaches is Cody, and he’s busy.

You hear the familiar sound of your door code being keyed in, and you turn towards the door, or maybe not. The door slides open, silently, and Cody steps into the room, and allows the door to slide shut behind him.

Everyone on the ship knows about your relationship with him, but it’s better to not show it off.

Tension drains out of his body as he sets his helmet on the table next to the door, and you smile sympathetically, “Rough day?”

“That’s putting it mildly,” He glances at you, and then takes a moment to remove the top part of his armor, before he crosses the room to slide his arms around you and bury his face in your neck, “We got word from Fox, there’s been no truce agreement yet.” He mumbles.

“So another month of war,” You say with a sigh.

“So another month of war.” Cody agrees, pulling back to press his forehead against yours, “They’re thinking of sending us back to Umbara.”

“Until we get actual orders, let’s just hope that that’s a rumor,” You reply softly as you reach up to soothingly card your fingers through his hair.

“Yeah,” His eyes close as he relaxes into your touch, “How are you feeling? You woke up pretty sick this morning.”

You smile wryly, though it goes unnoticed for the moment.

“Told you that you shouldn’t have eaten Boil’s experiment. You’re lucky a small bout of nausea is all you got,” Cody continues.

“It wasn’t that bad.” You defend.

“Cyare, it was moving.”

“That…is true.” You admit, grimacing as you remember Boil’s meal, “But he was so excited to cook-”

“You don’t have to keep humoring my brothers, cyare. We already like you.” Cody mumbles.

“I genuinely like your brothers, Cody. I like seeing them happy.” You say lightly, “But, as it happens, I wasn’t sick because of last night's dinner.”

His eyes snap open and he scans your face, “You weren’t?”

“No. I wasn’t.” You trail your hand across his cheek, “And I’m afraid I’m going to be sick for a bit.”

His brow furrows, “Do we need to go to the Medbay?”

You huff out a breath, “That probably won’t hurt, but I need to talk to you first.”

“Okay?”

There are a million different ways you can say this, but you think that, in this situation, the hard facts are the easiest, “My implant failed. I’m pregnant.”

Cody blinks at you, his jaw slightly slack.

“You-...really?”

“Really.” You confirm, “The force doesn’t lie.”

He blinks at you again, and his gaze drifts to your stomach, “A baby,” Cody sounds stunned and a bright grin crosses his face, “That’s…that’s wonderful! I’m going to be a dad!” And then the smile fades, “Oh…shit. This is going to change how we handle missions, isn’t it?”

“Oh, undoubtedly. I’m going to get fat. Which means no more vents.”

“It means you’ll have to start staying back at the command tent.”

You purse your lips, “I do not like that.”

“You don’t have to like it. But you do have to accept it.” Cody replies, and then he kisses you, a series of quick, loving kisses, and when he pulls away he sets his hands on your shoulders, “Okay! We’re going to Helix.”

“Can’t we go later?” You whine, even as you allow him to direct you towards the door.

“Nope.” Cody keys open the door and propels you into the hall, “Because, cyare, Helix is going to have to learn a whole new branch of medicine to help keep you healthy. Two, even, because he’s not a pediatrician either.”

“...now I feel kind of guilty.”

“He’ll get over it. Maybe.” Cody says easily, “Or, if he’s angry, it’ll be at me and not you.”

You eye him suspiciously, and Cody’s smile is a bit too innocent for you to believe it, “You’re fragile, cyare.”

Your jaw drops, “I am not!”

#star wars #tcw #commander cody x reader #cody x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #answered asks

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morethansky · 26 days

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***TBB SPOILERS***

My primary takeaway from these last six episodes is that Hunter and Crosshair ARE SO MARRIED OH MY GOD. They do everything together, even little chores.

And my Crosshair-is-Hunter's-second agenda continues to thrive; since their reunion, Hunter has hardly made a decision without checking with Crosshair first.

The way I cackled at Crosshair looking up at a ship careening in the sky and being all put upon: "Uh-huh. That's the idiot I married. Unfortunately."

And then the way he hurriedly reached for his binocs when they saw the ship crash, and how the camera lingers on him to show his relief, sob. I see you and thank you for your service, shippers on the crew.

Finally a glimpse of the cadets! Thinking about them tasting ice cream for the first time makes me want to cry. How many clones have never tasted it...

I like that "Identity Crisis" was like a mirror of "Confined," but I think it could have been 15 minutes. To be fair to them, I feel this way about like 75% of the franchise.

So we were all very wrong about what was in the Vault. What was Palpatine even going in there for, honestly. I do quite like this foreshadowing of the Inquisitorius though.

The ominous hint about Emerie's past is interesting. Is the implication that Nala Se took Omega under her wing and abandoned the rest of the Omega clones? Like Jango, I guess.

I love that Tarkin's cameos are all about funding. Something about the Imps squabbling over government spending just delights me. I wonder if the end of that conversation actually means he's not going to be killed by the clones but by Palpatine instead? That'd be kind of disappointing tbh.

Hilarious to me that Fennec got an entire episode and Cad Bane got like two minutes of screentime. Like Asajj, he knows when to stay out of the plot. They did my boy Todo justice though, love that dumb droid.

I, a plushie enthusiast, approve of how this is adamantly a pro-plushie show. But how am I supposed to believe that Omega, who missed Lula so much she effectively cloned her, was just going to leave her there??? I guess that whole scene was just a way to remove her and the goggles from the ship before it exploded.

I'm in the middle of writing like five different Tech/Wrecker whump fics and even I wouldn't have written CX-2 effectively shooting Wrecker. My heart!!!

I was so worried about Gonky. Glad he's okay.

"Point of No Return" needed 15 more minutes, actually. I continually find it so jarring how quickly this show breezes through reactions. It would've been nice to see at least a little more from the Batch at the sight of their ship being blown up.

That ending...was not for me. Crosshair missing that shot after he was given an entire episode to figure out what was wrong and meditate is such a frustrating choice. What even is going to be the arc here? Is it really going to be him abandoning his weapon entirely? That should be an upswing in the plot, but at this point it'd be more believable for him to be like, "Man, fuck this, I'm over it," lmao.

I'm glad Omega at least chose to get captured. Everyone knows I've been pissed about the anti-heroic messaging of this show from the start, and given how afraid I was that they would just abandon the other clones, I'm very relieved Omega's had this arc of worrying about them. But it's so silly to retread this line of plot after the three kickass episodes covering this exact thing. These next episodes are absolutely about to be messy af, and it's a bummer how it'll take away from the impressive clarity of the first three.

Why does this show keep cutting the titular team off at the knees?? Seems like Omega will probably work with Emerie and Nala Se to contact the Batch and Echo/Rex with the coordinates, but that will mean that Hunter's group will once again be lost and searching in the meantime. And they didn't even get to find her the first time!

Truly the quintessential fandom show. Half of it makes me tear my hair out in frustration and the other half makes me shriek in delight.

#cloneshipping #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #the bad batch #amph talks #star wars #crosshunter #crosshunt

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vaguely-concerned · 5 months

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I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj)

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed.

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.)

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane.

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably.

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in.

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say)

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style) but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line:

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)…

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts.

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it”

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

#star wars #dooku jedi lost #count dooku #sifo dyas #dooku x sifo dyas #disaster lineage #lene kostana #star wars meta #rael averross #qui gon jinn #I'm being peak on my bullshit in this one. you're welcome and/or I'm sorry as appropriate

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talesfrommedinastation · 2 months

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Redneck Doug watches 'The Bad Batch: A Different Approach'

Believe it or not, this episode started the first real argument between Doug and I!

Hope y'all enjoy it.

CW: Language and Doug is surprisingly critical of fat folks, despite the fact that he's from one of the least healthy states in the USA, has a massive beer gut, and can put away a whole rack of ribs and multiple barbeque fixin's in one sitting. I've seen it in person, folks. We were snipping at each other over fatphobia, glass houses, and the merits of The Treasure State after this.

I might have sacrificed my invitation to his St Patrick's Day party as a result. Oh well.

---------------------------------------------------------

Episode 4: “Adventures in Space Montana”

(image from @ladyzirkonia)

And we’re starting off with Little Orphan Blondie behind the wheel of a stolen vehicle because the girl is every inch her hillbilly brothers family.

Why is the plane on fire? Does this end like Alive? I thought ships couldn’t burn in space, I mean, I studied engineering, worked in oil, girl I remember Event Horizon.

Whelp, they crashed in a cold-ass field with some pointy mountains behind them. Clearly Montana. Maybe there’s a national park nearby and they can go hiking.

Aw, no, Mutant Jimmers is stuck behind Daddy Warcrimes’s seat! Let the ol girl out before she pees all over the spare tire!

Did they bring their guns? Hope they did. This is Montana, the Texas of the north, except you can’t find the bodies anywhere. If I was gonna go and murder someone, I’d pick Montana after Alaska.

(Pictured: Omega and Crosshair are somewhere in this picture)

A sketchy cold-ass town where everyone’s gambling, there’s too much military trash wandering around and you see your breath even inside the bar? Yup, definitely Montana.

(“Montana is not like that! I’ve been there multiple times! I almost went to grad school at UM and the kayaking, skiing, hiking, and breweries are amazing!” - Me, defending a state I have never lived in

“Yeah, but have you been to Butte? Thought I was gonna go get eaten by the locals there.” - Doug

::proceed to bicker and fight via texts about the many merits and demerits of the Big Sky State::)

Aw yeah, Daddy Warcrimes and Little Orphan Blondie got new clothes. Smart man, covering his face, Daddy Warcrimes. He totally looks like me when I gotta rake the lawn in November. I like that sweater, think they’ll sell them at Disneyland?

And they’re back to gambling. See! I told you this was Montana! They even have a gun rack!

Look at Little Orphan Blondie taking down fools with some cards! I bet Ryan-from-Accounting is smiling watching from Heaven or wherever he’s fighting the Space Balrog to come back as Space Gandalf.

Oh who is this fat fuck. Lord a mercy, is he the one fat imperial we have ever seen? Man I tell you what I bet he’s too hefty to ride in an AT-AT and that’s why they sent him to Space Montana, thinking the hiking and eating venison and berries will slim that brother up.

Maybe Vader will force him to run while carrying Palpatine like we did to other recruits in the Navy.

Nope, he’s gambling with a little girl in a bar, because the Empire just can’t follow rules now can it. That don’t make any sense. I’m with you, Daddy Warcrimes, giving that sour puss to everyone. I would too.

And now Officer Fat Fuck is gone done taking money from a child who beat him fair and square. Yup, he works for the government, all right. I bet he manages the Empire’s DMV.

Creepy little street boy wants some cash to tell them where they took Mutant Jimmers. I don’t blame the boy, it looks like no one wants to buy his shitty watermelon and he ain’t got a face.

Why in the hell are there so many animals in crates and shit here? They starting a zoo or something? Is it all to feed Officer Fat Fuck? I need info on this.

Shit yeah, fire them guns, Daddy Warcrimes! It’s your time to shine, big boy!

Oh yeah they freed Mutant Jimmers! And everybody else. Oh man, is that a kraken? Whelp, its dinner tonight is Officer Fat Fuck. Good on ya, kraken, you may be named after the world’s worst hockey team but ain’t bad all the time now.

(pictured: they keep losing games but hey they at least eat imperial officers?)

Gotta fry some dumb Imperial while you’re leaving, of course. Why they wearing them goggles when they got helmets on? Shit, real dumb. Don’t like the Inspector Gadget trench coats either, those can get caught real quick in a door and that’s how you get shot and all.

Ah yeah, they saved their cash, grabbed a ship, and they’re off to the moon! There they go!

DADDY RAMBO LITTLE ORPHAN BLONDIE JULIO AND DADDY WARCRIMES ALL BACK TOGETHER! OH MY LORD MEAT MUFFIN I AIN’T EXPECTING THIS THIS EARLY! WOW!

(image from @dreamswithghosts)

And Mutant Jimmers is with them too. It’s a good day on the moon!

Tagging Doug's fans of course: @skellymom @cdblake1565 @megmca @sued134 @eyecandyeoz @amalthiaph @yeehawgeek @eelfuneral @thecoffeelorian @lightwise @archivistofnerddom @askyourfox @heavenseed76 @totallyunidentified

#tbb #cloneforce99 #thebadbatch #the bad batch #redneck doug #doug why #doug the neighbor #doug talks star wars #doug watches the bad batch #clone force 99 #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #clone trooper #star wars tv #cajun doug

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david-talks-sw · 2 years

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Why do a lot of SW fans dislike the Prequel Jedi?

This was going to be the conclusion to this answer about "why a lot of people dislike Mace"... but it's just too long, so I decided to make it a post in its own right.

So why is Mace-- scratch that, why are the Prequel Jedi considered to be "unlikable" by a big chunk of the fandom? Especially when compared to Anakin "I killed a group of children twice" Skywalker.

Overall... I'd say it's three things.

1) Some fans had different expectations.

I touched on this in a recent post: older fans, who are now at least in their 40s, grew up seeing Luke as the ultimate Jedi.

He's Campbell's Hero With A Thousand Faces, up there with King Arthur and Superman. He's, for lack of a better term, the chosen one.

So when the Prequels were announced and they knew they'd get to see the Jedi Knights in their heyday, they expected to see something like the Knights of the Round Table.

A collective of errant warriors who go on exciting adventures, providing aid from place to place. Like Luke Skywalker.

Instead, they got this:

"A bunch of monk/diplomats who sit around talking about taxations and trading routes and measure the Force based on cell organisms."

"They're nothing like Luke Skywalker! What the hell?" (I address why this is inaccurate here)

Then the second film comes out:

"Wait, Jedi can't get married now? So were all those EU books about Luke and Mara Jade bullshit?" (also addressed in above link)

Then the third film comes out:

"Palpatine is right there, why can't they sense him or read his mind? They're Jedi!" (explanation why here)

Also Luke is no longer the Chosen One apparently? Anakin is? How does that work?

Plus, the way they speak, their jargon, is waaaaay too formal, gone are the OT characters talking informal English with American accents and quips. Even the way these new characters speak - and not just the Jedi, the Queen too - seems detached from reality and makes them harder to relate to. (but we're talking about diplomats and royalty, so how else would they be talking?)

2) How adult audiences perceive "morally pure" characters.

Even if one didn't have the pre-concieved notions about the Jedi... they don't seem to impact the adult viewers the right way.

Then again... neither does Barney the Dinosaur.

Many are the conspiracy theories and negative discourse surrounding him (there's even an upcoming documentary about it). You know why? Because he's not meant to be a character for adults, who have outgrown morally black or white characters and are unable to relate to them... his target demographic is children.

They see him and go "I love you, you love me". We see him and go "What the fuck is this guy hiding? What darkness lies beneath that mask of optimism and joy?"

Same goes for the Jedi.

So I'd say what we have, here, is a similar situation as the one in the recent Rick and Morty episode, "Juricksic Mort".

youtube

In the episode, a bunch of dinosaurs return to Earth and it turns out they're incredibly selfless, diplomatic, moral and spiritually advanced (kinda like the Jedi!)

Rick's reaction is - you guessed it - "what the fuck are they hiding?"

The dinosaurs turn Earth into a utopia, ending all wars, removing all conflict, bringing about world peace and giving everyone the chance to go on vacation... and everybody hates them for it and eventually wants to see them fail and step down from their pedestal.

The writing emphasizes their superior virtue so much that they actually come across as uptight and patronizing. This is done intentionally, so that it's difficult to find them likeable out-of-universe, and we relate to the earthlings in-universe who react the same way.

youtube

Why do the audience and the characters react this way to characters who - again - are good and moral?

Because as Moriarty says in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows... hidden within the unconscious is an insatiable desire for conflict.

It's why the presence of conflict is so crucial in storytelling.

It's why every scene in good movies presents some form of internal, external or philosophical conflict.

It's why protagonists need flaws to be interesting and relatable. Because we're flawed as well.

Also, the protagonist will eventually have overcome their flaws through an arc.

More importantly, the basis of all conflict, in storytelling, comes from something being out of balance.

And the Jedi are trained to not be that :D !

So on the one hand we have Anakin, a flawed, conflicted character who struggles with his inner balance, and on the other we have the Jedi, who are essentially presented as flawless and balanced.

What will a chunk of the audience do? They:

Won't like the Jedi.

Will project a flaw onto them (more on that in the next section).

Side with Anakin, the one that's as imperfect as the audience is.

Sometimes all of the above.

But the thing is, though... the Jedi we see in the Prequels are not flawless or perfect.

They are, for the most part, characters who have already completed their character arcs, characters who have already confronted their own inner flaws and overcome them.

And whenever these flaws resurface? Well, they've conquered them once, and they have the training, so they do it again.

Example, here's Yoda confronting and overcoming his hubris and inner fears:

Has he done it before, in his almost 900 years? Probably, yeah. But it's not a one-and-done sort of thing.

But the Prequels are not their movies. They're about Anakin.

He's meant to be the more interesting character. And they're meant to be the ones with less flaws, because they're mentor archetypes and the Prequels show an interesting situation wherein the protagonist fails to listen to the mentors and fails to overcome his own flaws, which leads him to - instead - be doomed by them.

3) Issues with the writing.

So, for the people who didn't like the changes but want to like the Prequels, there's a headcanon that seemingly fixes everything:

"The Prequel Jedi... are intentionally written as arrogant, hypocritical moralists. They are meant to come across as dispassionate. I mean, isn’t that what being a Jedi is, apparently? You purge yourself of attachments aka emotions, and act only logically (which was typically-encouraged behavior for a long time, in the US). They've become too systemic and lost their way." And guess what? With this interpretation, "Luke is special again! He's like Qui-Gon in that he found a middle ground between the unfeeling Jedi and the Sith, who have become slaves to their emotions. Like, sure, Anakin can be THE Chosen One, whatever, but Luke? Luke has found the balance, he succeeded where Obi-Wan, Yoda (who wanted Vader dead instead of believing he could be redeemed) and the other Jedi failed. So that's what the Prequels are about: the Jedi's failure."

The issue is, though... it doesn't align with what George intended. (as explained here and here).

But it does use most of the ingredients the films give us. Which - short of unleashing a barrage of George Lucas quotes, interviews and videos - makes it hard to disprove.

Because - seeing as the films aren't about the Jedi, they're about Anakin and his own inner demons - we don't see enough of the Jedi's culture and lifestyle and day-to-day unless it directly relates to Anakin.

So George's very clear idea of how awesome the Jedi are is never truly conveyed or fleshed out and as a result they feel like a group of people who always say "no" to the protagonist. The flawed, passionate and more relatable (by contrast) protagonist.

We get glimpses of it in The Clone Wars, but then it's tarnished by the fact that the Jedi are at war.

Then there's the reads that could easily be disproved... had George been more explicit about what he was going for.

"The Jedi Council bully a 9-year-old." This read could've been avoided had the scene ended with the Jedi telling Anakin that being afraid is normal, but his fear must be conquered otherwise it'll lead to the Dark Side. Which, they do, but in a vague way rather one with a kind empathetic smile.

"Obi-Wan is always berating Anakin, their relationship is tense." The whole movie partially features an arc where their relationship is on the rocks, so removing the tension isn't an option. However, the interpretation that it's been like this for a decade (rather than recently because Anakin reunited with Padmé) could've been avoided if, instead of just a minute-long elevator scene, we maybe saw a set-piece of them on a mission, maybe showing them working in tandem and joking as they escape that nest of gundarks.

More could've been done to frame the Jedi in the positive light thy were meant to be seen under. But again: the movies aren't meant to be about the Jedi.

Though it seems that a lot of people wanted them to be. And maybe that explains the hate re: the Jedi.

Older audiences wanted to see Campbell's Hero they grew up with again, they had a preconceived notion that the Jedi would be wandering, exciting adventurers... instead they got a bunch of "stale" diplomats whose whole job is to avoid conflict and adventure.

So instead of taking the story for what it was - a movie for kids - they projected a "morally gray" narrative that said these characters were flawed and weren't how they were supposed to be in-universe, when the truth is they weren't happy with the characters they witnessed out-of-universe.

#long post #in defense of the jedi #jedi order #meta #star wars #sw meta #prequel trilogy #star wars analysis #also holy shit this is my 300th post apparently :D

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