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jtl-fics · 1 year

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Fluent Freshman - Part 13

“I can’t believe you would go out on Black Friday to grocery shop but I guess thanks for going out on Black Friday to grocery shop.” Aaron greets him with as FF moves over to the table.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently went out shopping.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently come back and have been in Andrew’s room for the past couple hours.

“Josten probably wanted to go to Excites for some gear. I don’t know what my brother sees in that Exy-obsessed jerk.” Aaron says as he eats his own smiley eggs and bacon. FF hears the sound of a hammer and a drill from Andrew’s room.

Heart in his throat he forces himself not to think about what Andrew and Captain Neil COULD be building.

(A guillotine, an iron maiden, that weird wedge thing that splits people in half at the groin, He should NOT have taken that Spanish history class. Oh god it’s probably a fence so he can’t escape whatever hunting ground Andrew is going to drag him to if he can’t buy his continued existence via baked good.)

“Shut up, they’re actually really sweet to one another.” Nicky chastises before turning to FF, “Because of that your final serving goes to Smithy. He deserves it more than you.” Nicky says and slides the final plate of eggs and bacon.

“He’s just as bothered by it as I am!” Aaron scowls.

“By what?” FF asks because there are a lot of things that bother him so Aaron is going to have to be more specific.

“By those two being all close. I’ve seen the way you turn and walk away.” Aaron reaches across the table for his bacon but FF just pushes the plate closer to him. The two plates he had already eaten were more than enough, especially after the full dinner that they’d had the night before. “You’re grossed out by it too right?” He asks as he goes to stab the bacon.

FF slides the plate away and Aaron stabs the table.

FF is NOT HOMOPHOBIC.

His gran raised him better than that.

“I don’t agree with you.” He says because he doesn’t but can’t bring himself to say anymore. He’s in Aaron’s house, he stole Aaron’s keys that morning to lock up the house.

(it was so rude but what if someone broke in because he left the house unlocked? What if someone got hurt just because he wanted to ensure his own survival? Isn’t it better that he just borrowed Aaron’s keys to make sure that no one in the house got hurt? Does FF still believe with every fiber of his being that Andrew Minyard is trying to murder him in this exact house? Yes. Can these concerns coexist peacefully? Also yes.)

If anything he finds Captain Neil and Andrew to be an incredibly nice couple. They talk about things together, they make plans about their future, their PDA was actually pretty minimal (especially in comparison to Aaron), and he had figured out the weird code Andrew talked in so he was pretty sure that Andrew and Neil loved one another.

The only issue he has with the couple is that they are out at a store probably buying supplies to torture and then kill FF.

Otherwise they were perfectly fine.

Aaron scowls, “You can’t be serious. You walk away faster than you run on the court when you see the two of them getting all gross.” He points with his fork and tries to grab the bacon again.

FF frowns deeper.

“I walk away even faster from you and your girlfriend.” He returns because Aaron and Katelyn are the couple who have been the MOST guilty of initiating something in front of him when he was in ‘Visible only when the sunlight strikes him at the exact right angle on the summer solstice’ mode.

He had tried to clear his throat to get them to quit quite a few times but…well…he has heard Katelyn mention that one of her and Aaron’s favorite ‘hang out’ spots might be haunted….so he hadn’t been overly successful.

“PDA makes me uncomfortable in general. Captain Neil and Andrew are a very nice couple who you shouldn’t talk bad about.” He defends as one of the only people who would know exactly how thoughtful the two were to one another.

He hopes his Gran is proud of him for saying something.

Aaron looks at him with a twisted mouth for a while before relenting, “Fine they’re not that bad. It’s just a big brother thing.” Aaron rolls his eyes.

FF swallows down some acid in his throat and pushes the smiling eggs and bacon over to Aaron who smiles back at the breakfast and proceeds to eat it.

A big brother thing.

FF gets up and heads over to the final bag that Andrew had left out on the counter. FF had bought some additional offerings for his mortal soul to tide Andrew over while he made the brownies. It’s also where the incense and his latest two five hour energies should still be.

He finds the incense, wonders if he hallucinated the five hour energies (very possible), and hands Nicky a box of sour patch kids to distract him when he comes over.

“Smithy, why the hell are you lighting incense?” Nicky asks because the sour patch kids were NEVER going to be enough to distract Nicky. That would take something on the level of Swedish Fish but he’d been more focused on avoiding the candy thrown by an irate woman towards a member of Target staff because the grocery department couldn’t get her the redemption coupon for one of the flat screens in the Electronic department so he had FAILED to procure them. He’d even seen a box sail through the air is bullet time because his brain was too hopped up on Five Hour Energy but he’d let it go believing he could just grab a box at check out. THEN HE ZONED OUT IN THE CHECK OUT LINE AS HE STARED AT BOTH THE FUTURE AND THE PAST AND FORGOT HE WAS IN THE PRESENT WHERE HE HADN’T GOTTEN THE DAMN SWEDISH FISH.

“I’m going to make my Great Grandma’s brownies.” He says in response, “I’m hoping to channel her so I don’t mess up.” He says.

“Oh! More grandma baking goodies?! I can be your assistant baker! What do you need?” Nicky says visibly vibrating with excitement at the prospect. “We can listen to Mariah and I can lick the spoon!”

There is a noise of revulsion from the kitchen table.

“Don’t let him lick the spoon Smiths! He gets WEIRD about it.”

“That sounds like what someone who wants to lick the spoon would say.”

“Oh shut up!”

“That’s not a NO!”

The cousins continue to argue about spoon licking rights as FF gets started checking to make sure that the kitchen has all the necessary equipment to even make his brownies. He’d been so tired (last night? This morning?) that he hadn’t thought about even checking that the cousins would have things like a glass bowl, an baking dish, pie tin, etc.

Thankfully FOR ONCE luck is on his side and FF does not have to walk back to the Target.

So he finishes pulling out everything he’ll need, getting the oven pre-heated, and pulling out the ingredients for the brownies from the fridge.

He lights some incense with the stove top burners sends a quick prayer up and wonders if maybe a ouija board would have been better but if the Home Goods section had been a dangerous spot then the toy section would have been like walking into an active war zone. There are no laws as far as parents are concerned when it comes to getting the ‘it’ toy for their kids. FF has watched the highs and lows of humanity in the Barbie aisle more than once.

So he melts chocolate, he sifts flour and sugar, he separates eggs, and he uses every muscle that Kevin’s insane work out regiment had given his arms to whip those egg whites into stiff peaks. He knows his great gran is with him when Nicky and Aaron continue to argue (they are now talking about the ethics of licking the spoon vs. licking the bowl? He doesn’t quite get how they got there but alright) so Nicky doesn’t hear him say “Stiff Peaks Acquired” to himself because he knows Nicky well enough to know that he would have NEVER heard the end of it.

He uses all of the delicacy his gran had ever tried to teach him to fold those egg whites into the chocolate and then to fold in the flour and sugar. There are more steps, more ingredients, but unless you are family then those are CLASSIFIED.

Great Gran had always been the suspicious sort.

The oven beeps to let him know it’s done pre-heating as he’s carefully transferring his great gran’s life’s work into the baking dish.

He was so focused that he hadn’t even realized that Andrew was back until he turned to do the dishes and found Andrew holding the bowl and running his fingers through the scant remaining mix and shoving it into his mouth.

He is surprise that the scream remains in his head. He’s even more surprised that he stays upright. Maybe the nap did him some good even if it let Andrew and Captain Neil build whatever torture device they were intending to use on him.

He really needs to drink some pepto. He doesn’t think that Andrew will pause their ‘The Most Dangerous Game’ recreation to let FF manage his ulcers. Andrew is staring straight at him.

Andrew offers him the spoon.

FF declines. Raw eggs, sugar, and chocolate? With THIS stomach? He’d almost prefer to be chased through whatever enclosure Andrew is going to drag him to.

“When did you wake up?” Andrew asks.

“Hour ago.” He answers.

“Hm.”

“I’ll make the pie tomorrow.” he ventures trying to extend his life by another day.

Andrew shoves the spoon into his own mouth after that and walks out into the dining room. FF hears both Aaron and Nicky’s cries of anguish.

FF looks at the brownies in the oven at the incense burning on the counter and wonders if that was Andrew’s way of confirming his stay of execution.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lilyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

#Fluent Freshman AU #Did Andrew and Neil hear FF defend them?#MAYBE #Did great gran come down from on high to guide FF's baking hands?#oh Absolutely there is no doubt #This is her great grandson! He BESEECHED her #Andrew does not know about the fifteen other bottles of five hour energy that FF has in his backpack #FF pressing his face against his Pepto bottle: Oh we're really in it now aren't we Pepto #Andrew and Neil building a dresser so that Neil can store his clothes: I wonder if Smith is up #It is only the cruelest of worlds that I make FF endure Nicky having heard him talk about stiff peaks #Can anyone tell that I know VERY little about baking and am hiding behind the shield of FAMILY SECRET to skate by this?#Well if you couldn't I guess I outed myself as a silly little fool in the tags #AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG AU #AFTG Fic #My Fics #Andreil #FF - Pt. 13

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penguinbuttcheeks · 14 days

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Not a Woman Pt.2 - price x reader

summary: part one here you begin to slowly progress in your transformation to start presenting in a way that feels more like yourself. your captain and teammates have your back throughout the entirety of it.

pairing: platonic!price x transmasc!reader x supportive!141

cw: none

word count: 1,720

A/N: in my feels big time atm. finally came out to my parents about being trans and i’m currently not allowed to enter my parents house and my mother is not talking to me. it sucks, but my friends and partner have been so supportive and loving through it all <3

so yeah, anyway. have this i guess.

"Ye sure about this, lad?" Soap asks, giving you look of concern, eyes meeting yours in the mirror reflection - electric shaver ready and waiting in his hand. You sit in front of the bathroom sink in the 141’s private en suite, one of your spare towels draped across your shoulders.

It had been almost a week since your breakdown in Price's office, the team embracing you with open arms and assuring you throughout your entire journey that you're still part of the family - welcoming their newest brother to the team.

“It’s a buzz cut, Soap. You can’t fuck up a buzz cut.” He chuckles quietly, eyes darting down to the shaver in his hand and finally turning it on. The peaceful silence is broken through with the abrasive buzzing that emits from behind you, stomach starting to flutter excitedly.

“Should be easier than a mo.” he responds with a shrug, before flashing a mischievous smile your way and diving straight in to your hair with the buzzing device.

Staring back at your reflection was a breath of fresh hair. Gone was the long wispy strands that framed your face so femininely, instead replaced with the blunt edges of your sharp and freshly buzzed hair.

Water drips down your body, the bathroom filled with warm steam as you wipe away the droplets falling from your body with a fresh, fluffy towel. You had finally finished washing all the small prickly hairs that had stuck to your neck and chest during your amateur styling session with Soap.

You run a hand over your head, the feeling so foreign, yet so comforting.

You finally felt like you.

You grin widely at your reflection, the texture of your buzzed head feeling like a strange combination of astro turf and carpet.

Not wanting to hog the bathroom for much longer, you quickly resume drying your wet body and dressing in to your clothes. Your teammates wait eagerly in the shared 141 quarters, sitting on their respective bunks and chattering amongst themselves.

When you emerge, all heads dart your way, Soap nodding at you in approval and Gaz giving you a wide smile and a thumbs up.

“Suits you” Ghost speaks up, arms crossed over his chest. Not much emotion is given away, his casual balaclava that he wears around base hiding anything that shows on his face, but there’s the sound of a small smile gracing his lips in the way he speaks.

“What if I fuck it up? Has anyone ever died from needles?” Gaz shakes his head at you, chuckling lowly in amusement.

“You watched how the doctor administrated your first shot. Just do the same.” He’s met with nothing but a blank stare from you.

“Do you need me to do it for you?” He asks, a fond smile over his lips, dark eyes trained on your overly worried face.

You nod meekly.

And so- like the good friend he is - Gaz helps to administer your testosterone shot, laughing at you quietly as you continue to make a scene while he tries to inject the needle.

“A right sook you are. I’ve seen you take bullets, yet you can’t handle a needle?” He teases

“There’ll be a needle in your left eye if you keep that attitude up”.

From that day on, Gaz meets you in the 141 quarters, the same time every week to help you with your T-shots, completely unbothered by the task he has now taken on.

He watches as you slowly transform over the weeks. Small, but subtle differences that makes your eyes sparkle and smile wider each time your shot is administered

He’s honoured that you feel safe enough to allow him in to such an intrusive practice, never letting anything hinder his time spent with you when he lends you a helping hand.

“You need to change your voicemail” Ghost grumbles, walking in to the rec room where you and other two sergeants are currently sat, a game of uno half finished and discarded atop the coffee table in front of the couch you, Soap and Gaz are huddled together on. The three of you had gotten too distracted by an animal documentary to continue playing.

You look down at your phone, realising that you did indeed have a missed call from the Lieutenant.

“Sorry I missed your call, got too invested in this” you respond absentmindedly, eyes returning back to the television. “Why do I need to change my voicemail?” you ask quizzically.

“Doesn’t sound like you”.

You hadn’t realised just how much your voice had changed over the months as you continued your hormone treatment. Listening back to your voice prior your weekly injections, you can’t help but beam with pride.

The four of you have a good laugh, looking back through videos of your old self, admiring the changes in your appearance and the deepening of your vocal chords.

Ghost watches in amusement from the side, simply content to watch as you continue to bloom and flourish right before his very eyes.

He’d never admit it, but he was hesitant upon his initial discovery, unsure of how to proceed with your preferred identity. Seeing you now though? He laughs.

It was ridiculous that it was ever a concern to him in the first place.

“Your leave has been approved.”

Price stares at you, a twinkle of encouragement in his eyes as he breaks the news to you, biting back a grin that threatens to spread across his lips.

Almost a full year has passed, a year full of change and rigorous saving.

The time has finally come.

You were finally going to rid the most vital part of your body that would complete your transformation - the main thing holding you back from finally presenting the way you want to - from feeling truly like yourself.

There’s only so much a binder can do, the compression doing little to improve your dysphoria when your breasts were flattened and instead replaced with an overwhelming tiredness during training. Your body was over exerted - unable to cope with the intensity of the military’s strenuous training. It left you breathless and gasping for breath after each session, forcing you to revert back to sports bras.

You exhale shakily, fighting back the tears that burn behind your eyes.

Price stands up and rounds his desk, placing a firm and comforting hand on your shoulder from where he stands behind you.

“Congratulations, soldier.”

Tears fall from your eyes. Unlike the ones almost exactly a year ago in this very room, they’re paired with a bright smile, joyous laughter echoing off the walls instead of harrowing sobs and slamming fists.

Price is engulfed by your wide embrace, arms wrapping tightly around him as you cry. It takes him off guard, causing him to stumble backwards, a large arm moving to your back as he stables the two of you against your weight when you launch yourself at him.

He’s there when you check yourself in to the hospital, giving him a goofy grin in your large hospital gown. You wave him goodbye like an overexcited child as the nurses wheel you away to the surgery room.

He knows this won’t be an easy recovery for you, but all he can feel is pride and excitement for you.

You’re a tough cookie. You’ll manage just fine.

He feels his heart thud against his chest, sending you one last grin as you finally disappear in to the surgery room.

He’s no stranger to the feeling that flutters in his stomach - he had gone through the same experience with Gaz. sighing, he turns on his heel and returns to the waiting room, allowing him the solitude to ponder how he’ll go forward with these emotions.

He feels like a father, sending his son off to attend his first day of school. There’s a blooming pride in his chest, but also a tinge of worry.

Will the surgery be okay? Will you continue to flourish even after your transition is complete? What if you decide this is something you no lo get want?

He shakes his head. You’re a grown adult- capable of making your own decisions. He has step back and allow you to make those steps.

The time you spend recovering is on base, surrounded by your teammates in the comfort of your chosen home.

They fuss over you like overbearing parents would, making you roll your eyes and groan, not wanting them to see just how touched you are by their concern.

Water, food, flowers and silly little trinkets are brought back to you occasionally, the money spent being worth it to see the smile on your face as your body heals and you push through the pain of recovery for the first three weeks.

The remaining three weeks is when you truly shine. It doesn’t go unnoticed by your comrades.

As your six week recovery period comes to an end, Price takes the entire team out in celebration of your transformation process being complete.

It’s nothing fancy, a small dingy bar close to base, but it’s all you could ever ask for. The familiarity of the premise, the dim lighting and worn down furniture, surrounded by your beloved teammates. it was perfect.

The five of you drank and cheered all night, sharing stories and recounting memories throughout the past year of your transition.

Ghost is the first to leave, deciding that he needed a good night’s rest before taking on the new recruits that would be arriving come morning. Not long after, you and Price decide that you’re ready to call it a night too - Gaz and Soap deciding to stay out longer to make the most of this rare night out.

It’s a chilly night, you and John walking side by side as you make your way back to base. The two of you could have easily ordered an Uber or hailed down a cab, but the walk seemed like a good chance to let the alcohol leave your system before returning to base. To spend some time alone together.

“I’m proud of you” Price speaks up, hands in the pockets of his jacket to keep them from getting too chilly, black beanie pulled down over his ears and cheeks tinted with a light pink hue from the cold.

You glance over at him from the corner of your eyes, biting back a smile.

“I’m proud of me too.”

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cevansbrat0007 · 1 year

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Okay so kind of a dramatic ask, but what if Andy bear was out of town for a business trip. And reader just had a shit day. She just wanted to come home and cuddle her man, but he was gone. So she just cries. And lays down. Doesn’t want to eat, shower, you know how a bad day gets you down. She calls Andy to hear his voice and just loses it and cries. How would our Andy talk her off the ledge and be there for her from a far?

Safe With Me Warnings: Fluff, Cursing, Minors DNI ___

So, that's not very dramatic at all. Andy really shines in these moments, because it's not often that his overly headstrong Baby Girl lets him in without a little prompting. Especially early in their relationship.

When she lets down her guard and allows herself to be vulnerable, that's when Andy knows that his woman feels safe with him.

The first time she allowed herself to have a moment with him was when he took a trip to Washington D.C. - right after the events in The Key. While it may have taken a little convincing, Baby Girl did finally agree to stay at Andy's place until her asshole of a landlord, Rodney, got around to fixing her heat.

A couple days into her stay at Casa Barber, she had a really bad day. It was one for the books. We're talking shitty clients, missed deadlines, issues with the commercial printer. You name it - everything that could go wrong did. And she unfairly took quite a bit of heat for mistakes and hiccups that were not her doing.

And all she wanted was to crawl into bed with her Andy Bear and have herself a good cry. She knew he wouldn't hesitate to wrap her up in his arms, sitting patiently while she took her time getting settled in his lap. And once she was comfy she could just let it all out.

They usually FaceTimed every night, or at least they tried to. But she also didn't want to necessarily bother him either. However, it also didn't stop her from climbing into his bed, grabbing his pillow, and burying her face in the soft fabric so that she could inhale his scent.

That way she could maybe pretend that he was there. That, instead of a pillow, she was curled up with the real thing. Her Big Man.

Because she's in a mood, instead of waiting for him to initiate their nightly call she decides to take a chance and dial him early. And when he doesn't answer, she resigns herself to the fact that he's probably busy with more important things. So she leaves him what she hopes sounds like a bright and cheery voicemail before simply giving up.

Because she's a grown woman. And she doesn't want to be a bother. So it's back to wallowing she goes. She doesn't want to eat. She doesn't to shower. She's lucky she somehow managed to strip off most of her clothes before getting in bed, even though she left them all over the bedroom floor.

And she'll be damned before she picks that shit up and puts it in the hamper.

But let's remember that this is Andrew Barber we're talking about. And he does not play when it comes to his Baby Girl. This man - her man - is also unbelievably perceptive. And when he hears the little hitch in her voice he automatically knows something is up.

When he calls her back via FaceTime roughly ten minutes later, she does eventually allow him to see her face onscreen. Albeit, after a fair bit of coaxing on his part. But Andy already knows she's not fine. He doesn't necessarily need to see her face to put all that together.

But his gorgeous girl also needs to be reminded that it's okay to not be okay - especially with him.

"Aw, sweetheart...it's okay." He coos, his gentle eyes filled with concern. "It's okay. You're safe with me. Take your time and let it out. And then we can go from there."

As it all comes bubbling out of her, Andy leans back and listens patiently. While it goes against his instincts - that pragmatic part of his brain that tells him to swoop in with a solution and save the day - he realizes that what his Baby Girl needs now is his ear.

And what's more, she needs his support. It doesn't matter that it's coming long-distance. Even though the only thing he wants to do right at that very moment is hold her close.

While she's talking, her ever-attentive boyfriend quietly busies himself with ordering takeout from her favorite Chinese spot. He makes sure to order all of her favorites - cashew chicken, house special fried rice, egg rolls, potstickers, crab rangoons.

All of it.

And then he takes it even further, surprising her by having it delivered right to his front door. Meanwhile, Andy orders room service so that they can share a meal together.

Turns out, that's just what she needs. By the end of their date, his sweet Baby Girl seems to be almost back to her old self. But just to be sure, he graciously volunteers to hang around while she runs herself a bubble bath so that she can enjoy a nice soak. Under his watchful authority, of course.

Andrew Barber is nothing if not supportive.

Later on, when she's fresh out of the bath and wrapped up in one of his old t-shirts, he reads her bedtime stories until she falls asleep. He makes sure that her last thoughts are of him before she drifts off. It's only when he hears the consistent sound of her low, even breathing that he finally ends the call.

Because while you can say a whole lot about Andy Barber - you can never say that he doesn't love his Baby Girl. Both on good days, and the really fucking bad ones too.

___

Does that answer your question, my dear? Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for the ask!

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misshoneyimhome · 7 months

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Chapter 12 -

Prologue I 01 I 02 I 03 I 04 I 05 I 06 I 07 I 08 I 09 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14.I I 14.II

Summary: it's finally Christmas, and Julia finds herself among her friends she'd come to known in Toronto, since she can't spend the day with her family;

Tags; William NylanderxOfc; “We never go out of style”

Warnings; alcohol consumption; mentions of sexual behaviour;

Author’s notes: so, I've realised just how terrible I am at making up names... I apologise; anyway, not much to say here, besides, I probably could have ended it here, which was an initial idea... however, I've chosen not to - so please don't hate me, and I still hope you'll enjoy it; 😅

Word count: 5.6K+

"So Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe" Pour out the wine, let's toast and pray for December snow I know there's been pain this year, but it's time to let it go Next year, you never know But for now, Merry Christmas

"Merry Christmas" by Ed Sheeran & Elton John

As Christmas day drew nearer, Julia found herself longing for a break from the relentless questioning by Charlie, about her feelings for William and the intricacies of their relationship. The constant prodding had become somewhat overwhelming, and she felt the need to put a temporary halt to it. While she knew Charlie's intentions were well-meaning, Julia needed time to process her emotions, especially her fear that William might not share the same feelings.

"Char, I love you, but I just need a little time…" Julia said over the phone to her friend, who was en route to her parents' home for the holiday.

"I know, JJ, I'm just so excited – I really think it could be so great between you!" Charlie's enthusiasm resonated through the phone. "We all do."

Julia couldn't help but smile at her friend's unwavering support. "Thanks, I’ll think about it…" She let out a sigh. "We're just not like you and Auston – you two are like soulmates… you even share the same birthday."

Charlie chuckled, acknowledging the uniqueness of her own relationship. "Which, in a way, is also super weird…" She replied, "Besides, it's not like we don't have our own challenges… it's not all perfect, although it often seems like it. I mean, do you know how often we're both concerned about if this is even going to work out? With his insane schedule, and my constant mood swings, not to mention how often I'm overly jealous…"

Julia listened attentively to her friend's candid confessions. Charlie was right, no relationship was without its challenges. Despite the public perception of their perfect match, she and Auston had their own issues to work through.

Trying to console her friend, Julia offered a light-hearted comment, "Char, I wouldn't worry too much about your jealousy… Auston's just the same, and I do believe if anyone's a great match, it's the two of you." Her words elicited a chuckle and agreement from Charlie.

"But please, just think about talking to Willy?" Charlie pleaded.

With a smile and a light chuckle, Julia agreed to consider her friend's suggestion. Charlie then turned her attention to her travel plans as she headed to her parents' home, leaving Julia with a lot to contemplate.

Sunday, 25th

Sunday finally marked Christmas day, and Julia had her plans set. She was going to spend the day with her colleagues, Leslie Evans and his wife, along with Andrew, Tyler, and Phoebe. This year had been particularly tough for Andrew due to his recent divorce, so Leslie extended an invitation to him to join their Christmas celebration. And while Tyler and Phoebe were initially supposed to spend the day with their mother, she had come to make last-minute plans to travel with some other single girlfriends, leaving the kids without a place to go for the holiday. So, they gladly accepted the invitation to join Julia and Camille at the Evans' house.

And the Evans' house exuded nothing but a warm and inviting atmosphere, a place that Julia found undeniably homey, as it radiated an air of comfort, infused with the warmth of family values. The centrepiece of the living room was the grand Christmas tree, standing tall and proudly adorned with sparkling ornaments. Its presence brought a sense of festivity and joy to the house, meanwhile, the delightful scents of holiday cooking wafted from the kitchen, teasing everyone's senses.

Julia and Camille had arrived just before noon, and they were eager to lend a helping hand in the preparations for the Christmas roast. While Mrs. Evans and Julia teamed up in the kitchen, Camille and Leslie took charge of setting and decorating the dining table with an array of Christmas ornaments. The air was filled with the excitement of creating a festive atmosphere, and the house buzzed with anticipation, especially when Andrew, Tyler and Phoebe joined in a few moments later.

Both Andrew and Julia had contributed homemade dishes to the feast, each dish carrying the unique traditions of their respective families, and as the group worked tirelessly to create a welcoming and festive environment, their efforts were unexpectedly interrupted by the doorbell's cheerful chime.

To Julia's great astonishment, a group of Swedes, including William, Rasmus, Timothy, and Pierre, had gathered outside the door, accompanied by Pierre's girlfriend, Mathilda.

"Well, hello there,” Julia greeted them with a welcoming smile. "What are you guys doing here?"

The Swedes responded with good-natured laughter, and Julia graciously stepped aside to allow them entry into the house.

"You invited us all?" William playfully reminded her, and Julia simply couldn't help but nod, a grin forming on her face.

"Well, I guess I just didn’t expect you all to actually come…” she chuckled. “But of course – you're all most welcome."

After closing the door behind them, she kindly offered to help the Swedes with their coats, as Camille came to join in the hallway.

“Oh God, it's like a Swedish invasion in here," she joked, a playful grin adorning her face, earning the Swedes let out heartfelt chuckles as they offered Julia a selection of homemade dishes.

"Just a little something of Swedish traditional Christmas food." Rasmus announced, with a mischievous grin.

"Well, I know your skills in the kitchen are no better than Willy's, so I hope for everyone's sake that Matilda has been the one doing the cooking,” Julia couldn't resist a teasing comment.

And Mathilda, with a smile, was quick to reassure her, "Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t let any of them near the kitchen."

The unexpected arrival of the Swedes injected a burst of excitement into the holiday celebration, filling the house with laughter and the mingling scents of diverse cuisines. New and old friends came together to celebrate Christmas in style, creating a festive and vibrant atmosphere.

And William couldn't help but chuckle as he took in Julia's attire. "What are you wearing?" he asked with a grin, looking her up and down, noticing her merry outfit and the sweet red bow that tied up half her long, blonde, curled, hair.

Julia proudly displayed her colourful, home-knitted jumper, adorned with various festive figures and snowflakes. "What? It's my Christmas jumper, that’s the prober dress code,” she explained with a soft smile.

William's eyes crinkled with amusement. "It's cute."

As always, he exuded his effortlessly stylish, laid-back, streetwise look. He had that innate ability to look cool without seemingly putting in any effort. His beard was neatly trimmed, and his hair, now at a good length, was casually pulled back in a half-up man bun, a look that suited him perfectly.

And as the Swedes made their way into the living room, Phoebe rushed excitedly towards William, her face lighting up with joy. "Wonka!"

William couldn't help but chuckle and warmly embraced Phoebe's enthusiastic hug, her joy contagious.

"Will you help me place the star on the top of the Christmas tree?" the young girl pleaded, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Of course," William chuckled, and with a gentle motion, he lifted the little girl in his arms, ensuring that she could reach and place the star just right. It was a heart-warming moment that Julia couldn’t help but smile at, before she made her way to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Tyler, was left speechless, his wide eyes filled with wonder, as he found himself surrounded by most of the Swedes from his favourite hockey team, a truly unexpected turn of events that he couldn't quite wrap his head around.

And soon the house buzzed with activity as everyone worked together to make space for the guests at the dinner table. Additional items were brought in to extend the table, ensuring there would be enough room for everyone to sit comfortably.

Leslie, observing the bustling preparations, couldn't help but marvel at the number of guests present, and approached Julia with a warm smile and offered his congratulations. "I don't think we've ever had this many people at our Christmas events. You've really outdone yourself, Julia."

Julia beamed with pride, grateful for the success of her Christmas gathering. “Well, apparently being friends with a hockey team does wonders.”

While Tyler enthusiastically chatted with his favourite hockey players and bombarded them with questions, Camille couldn't help but notice William's gaze drifting towards Julia, and she saw this as the perfect opportunity to engage him in a candid conversation.

"So, if you don't mind me asking... what's going on between you two?" she inquired with a friendly smile, earning a casual chuckle from William.

"What do you mean?"

Camille playfully raised her eyebrows and continued, "Well, you both seem rather into each other."

William leaned back in his chair, maintaining a pleasant smile. "Oh, yeah, we're just good friends."

But Camille persisted, her tone carrying a hint of curiosity. "Mmm hmm, yeah, you both keep saying that. I'm just wondering if maybe, just maybe, that first night of yours has had an impact on your friendship?"

William chuckled once more. "Maybe, I mean, she's definitely something special."

Camille kept her smile, but her tone turned slightly more serious, protective. "Oh, darling, you have no idea just how special she is." They sat in a comfortable moment of silence, before Camille added, "Well, no matter what, I'm just glad she's got you. You seem like a really good fit for her."

William felt somewhat surprised by her last words and offered a light chuckle. "Yeah? I thought you didn't like me after that night...morning…"

Camille considered his words. "Hmm, just between us, I'd probably have done the same." She offered a warm smile. “Just promise me that no matter what, you be nice to her. Cause that girl might come off all strong and over it, but she’s fragile… and she’s my best friend, I’ll do anything to protect her.” Camille added with a cheeky wink.

Believing she was referring to Julia’s last break-up with Ezra, William simply nodded with a grin in return, his eyes briefly darting towards Julia, who was engrossed in a conversation with Leslie, and her sweet laughter filled the room. His smile widened as he took Camille's words to heart. "I believe you," he replied, his voice carrying genuine sincerity.

And as the evening continued, the lively conversation flowed seamlessly from room to room, and amidst all the enchantment of the holiday, Rasmus and Camille found themselves sharing meaningful glances, exchanging looks that hinted at a connection that appeared to transcend the festive spirit.

Julia had always known Camille to be rather flirtatious – and considering that Rasmus's recent fling since the Christmas gala hadn't quite panned out, it was likely he was in the mood for another distraction. And Camille, with her charming personality, seemed to fit the bill rather nicely.

And during the delightful meal, the conversations continued to flow effortlessly. The Swedes described their various traditions, ranging from the dishes they would serve to the songs they'd sing around the Christmas tree. Each had unique details to share based on the region they hailed from, and William briefly touched on the cultural distinctions between his Canadian upbringing and his Swedish experiences.

Even Andrew chimed in, sharing insights into his mother's Italian heritage and the impact it had had on his life and traditions. Amid the merriment and the backdrop of Christmas carols, it became evident how Toronto was known for its multicultural community, boasting over 250 different ethnicities.

As dinner conversation continued, Rasmus, always inquisitive, couldn't resist probing further. "So, JJ, do you have any funny Christmas stories from England?"

Julia paused for a moment, gently placing her cutlery on her empty plate. "Actually, I've spent most of my Christmases in Denmark with my brothers and father," she replied, accompanied by a warm smile.

"Ah, so you're truly a Scandinavian at heart," Timothy remarked with a chuckle, earning Julia's smile to widen.

"I suppose so,” she replied. “I guess, even though I’ve spent most of my childhood in England, my fondest and most cherished memories are from Denmark."

And as she shared stories about how she, her father, and her grandfather had been the ones in the kitchen, preparing the roast, meanwhile her brothers had been playing around or watched the Christmas show, and her grandmother would be in charge of decorating the tree and the dinner table, nods of understanding circled the table. Even William, who had heard many of these stories before, couldn't help but smile at Julia's animated storytelling. He simply enjoyed her way of sharing, and how her voice was filled with joy and happiness.

"And trust me, if you ever have the privilege to meet JJ's fathers, you'll see that she's without a doubt her father's daughter,” Camille chimed in, adding her own perspective. “Temper, passionate, and everything – especially when it comes to sports."

Laughter filled the room.

"Temper?" Rasmus laughed. "Don’t tell us you’re a hard-core fan, JJ?"

"Oh, absolutely!” Julia chuckled. “I swear, every time we watch a match, you should be thankful you can't hear me shouting from the stands."

Andrew and Camille joined in the merriment, affirming her playful confession.

And speaking of the devil, following a delightful Christmas roast, Julia received a phone call from her father, and so she politely excused herself and retreated to the quieter hallway for their conversation.

Despite the late hour at her father's location, they exchanged warm Christmas wishes and shared a heart-warming chat. She missed her family a lot, but the company tonight, had definitely made her feel less emotional.

As she wrapped up her phone conversation and ended the call, William approached her slowly with an expression that blended warmth and curiosity. The soft, inviting glow of the Christmas tree's lights added a touch of enchantment to the room.

"So, how's your family?" he asked in a gentle tone, and Julia returned his smile.

"All good, thanks."

The atmosphere between them felt tender, with the other guests bustling around in the living room and kitchen, their voices blending with the festive ambiance.

"By the way, I have something for you," William then continued, and handed her a small box adorned with delicate, shimmery paper and a golden butterfly.

Julia accepted the box gingerly, her curiosity visible through her smile, and as she carefully unwrapped it, she uncovered a white gold bracelet adorned with a small amulet in the shape of an airplane.

While Pierre and Timothy had been Christmas shopping for gifts for their girlfriends, William had stumbled upon the bracelet, and his first thought was simply Julia. Initially he thought it might be a little strange to gift his best friend a piece of jewellery, but with encouragement from his mates, he caved and made the purchase. And as soon as he saw Julia’s reaction, he had no doubts that it was the right choice.

With a deep breath, her mouth formed into an 'o,' and her eyes widened in disbelief at the thoughtful gift.

"Oh, Willy, it's gorgeous," Julia complimented in a soft, humble tone, gazing up at her friend, who wore a satisfied grin. "I can’t believe… Thank you!"

William chuckled at her reaction. "You like it?"

"Like it? Darling, I love it!"

Their shared laughter filled the room, and Julia playfully remarked, "But now you're making me feel bad." William was momentarily puzzled by her words, but then she turned around, retrieved a slightly longer rectangular box from her bag, and handed it to him. "If I had known we were exchanging gifts, I would have bought you something as well," she quipped with a playful tone.

It turned out to be a fortunate coincidence that Julia had William's gift ready in her bag, as she hadn't expected him to show up tonight. Nonetheless, she was pleased to have it.

And William couldn't help but let out a chuckle as he opened the box, revealing the neck chain Julia had noticed during their recent shopping trip.

"Wow, JJ… this is really cool," he said with genuine appreciation, offering her a grateful smile.

"Really?" she asked, a bit uncertain about whether he truly liked it or was simply being polite.

"Yes! I love it, it's amazing," he exclaimed with authentic enthusiasm. And as he wrapped his arms around Julia's slender figure, they shared a soft, intimate connection for a moment.

As they both stepped back, William took the bracelet and put it gently around Julia’s wrist, meanwhile her mind raced with questions. Did she truly love William? Then their eyes locked, and in that unspoken moment, the intensity of her feelings was undeniable.

However, their intimate moment was interrupted by a light chuckle. It was Phoebe, the sweet young girl who had been discreetly observing them.

Julia turned her head to face the young girl, her laughter bubbling up. "What's up, Phoebe?"

Phoebe simply giggled and pointed upwards. "You're standing under the mistletoe…" She indicated the little green plant hanging above them.

Both Julia and William looked up, exchanged glances, and realised that they were indeed standing beneath the mistletoe.

And Phoebe couldn't resist chiming in again, her innocent enthusiasm palpable. "Kiss."

A brief moment of hesitation hung in the air, uncertainty briefly engulfing them. But with a small amount of confidence, Julia decided to reach up and plant a gentle kiss on William's cheek. However, in that very same moment, he had the same idea, vice versa, and they accidentally found their lips meeting in a spontaneous and unexpected kiss.

The kiss, soft and tender, held an air of innocence in its brevity. Their lips met for just a fleeting moment, but it was enough to kindle a warm, fluttering sensation within Julia. As they stood there, locked in that intimate moment, she couldn't help but acknowledge just how much she had come to like this man. Her racing thoughts and the world around them seemed to fade into the background, leaving only the gentle touch of their lips.

However, once again, Phoebe's giggle, a sweet and innocent sound, broke the spell, and she swiftly made her way back into the living room, leaving Julia and William in a shared moment of contemplation.

They both stood still for another minute, their eyes locked in a silent exchange, basking in the lingering warmth of their accidental kiss. And eventually, William offered a slight smirk, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes, and he broke the silence.

"God Jul, JJ," (Happy Christmas, JJ) he murmured, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Julia, still feeling the fluttering warmth in her heart, didn't know how else to respond other than with the simple words, "Glædelig jul, Willy," (Merry Christmas, Willy) she whispered, her voice carrying a hint of tenderness.

Another moment of silence hung in the air, a brief pause pregnant with unspoken thoughts, before Rasmus intervened with a cheerful reminder.

"Come on, you two, we're having desserts!"

After enjoying their heavenly desserts, the guests gathered in the living room, the warmth of the fireplace adding a cosy touch to the atmosphere. Rasmus had casually settled into one of the lounge chairs, wearing a mischievous grin as he playfully gestured for Camille to come and join him in his lap. William, catching on to the playful mood, replicated the gesture to Julia, and not one to be left out, she swiftly joined in to jokingly mock the flirtatious couple. They all then began to share Christmas stories and their own family traditions, bringing up all sorts of childhood memories.

Laughter and warm conversations filled the room, creating a joyful and heart-warming atmosphere. And the cosy ambiance was almost too much for the two children to resist, and Phoebe quickly caved into the warmth, drifting off to sleep on the sofa, while Tyler, despite his best efforts to stay awake, eventually succumbed as well, his eyelids growing heavy as he slowly drifted off into dreamland.

And as the room was filled with the gentle hum of conversation and the crackling of the fire, the guests enjoyed each other's company on this magical Christmas night. Julia couldn't help but lean into William's comforting body, seeking solace in his presence amidst the cheerful atmosphere. Yet, she couldn't escape her own racing thoughts.

What frustrated her the most was that William seemed completely unbothered by their close proximity. He laughed and engaged in the conversation with ease, as if there was nothing unusual going on between them. It was as if they hadn't shared a timid kiss just a couple of hours earlier. His arm around her felt more like a friendly gesture, and it was becoming increasingly clear to Julia that he was indeed enjoying her company, just as a friend.

As the night wore on, Andrew left to take his children home for bedtime, and Pierre, Mathilda, and Timothy also decided it was time to say their goodbyes. That left Julia, William, Rasmus, Camille, and Leslie and his wife in the cosy living room.

Julia, ever the friendly soul, found herself naturally gravitating towards the kitchen to assist with the remaining clean-up. That until Camille, wearing a mischievous glint in her eye, approached her for a brief conversation.

"So… would you think less of me if I chose not to spend the night at your place?" she playfully inquired, her eyes subtly hinting at Rasmus.

Julia couldn't help but chuckle at her friend's flirtatious tone. "Seriously, Sandin?" She laughed, thinking about the unspoken connection between Camille and Rasmus that had been filling the air all evening, and let out a contented sigh, accompanied by a warm smile. "Well, does it really matter what I think?"

"Probably not…" Camille replied with a teasing grin.

Julia chuckled again and exchanged a knowing look with Camille. "Alright, go and enjoy yourself, babe."

With a chuckle, the two friends agreed to go their separate ways for the night, and Camille headed to the hallway to retrieve her coat and prepare to leave with Rasmus. Julia, catching the sly grin on Rasmus's face, as he approached her in the kitchen, couldn't resist sending them off without a playful remark.

"Oh, wipe that smirk off your handsome face, love! And you better treat her well," Julia advised Rasmus, approaching the Swede with a mock-serious tone.

Rasmus's grin widened as he responded, "Well, how about we call it even, JJ? I sleep with your best friend, just as you've slept with mine."

Julia's eyes widened at his comment. "What did you just say?"

"You heard it.” Rasmus chuckled. “I know about you and my boy, Willy."

"Fuck… You know?" Julia raised an eyebrow, still in disbelief and puzzlement about how he had found out. "How did you...?" She trailed off for a moment, the pieces of the puzzle coming together in her mind. "Cam?"

Rasmus nodded, his grin still in place.

“When?”

“When you and Willy were in the hallway, talking.”

Julia couldn’t hold back a light chuckle as she yielded to the truth and let out a soft sigh.

“Hey,” Rasmus added with a soft smile, “I’m just happy he’s getting some… or did.” He offered Julia a wink, and they shared another moment of laughter as Camille came to bid her final farewell, and she and Rasmus made their way out of the house.

About a minute later, Mrs. Evans approached Julia. "Here, let me finish up, dear. Thank you so much for everything tonight."

Julia responded with a warm smile, offering her appreciation to the gracious lady, before she then proceeded to the living room, where she found William standing.

"Looks like it's just you and I left," he remarked, a smile adorning his face.

“Seems like it,” Julia returned his smile.

And with a little hesitation, amidst the soft music, William then spoke again. “Dance with me?” he timidly asked, letting out his hand for her.

Julia returned his smile, her eyes glistening in the room's soft light. Her heart quickened at the mere thought of slow dancing with William in the cosy living room, causing her palms to grow sweaty and her blood to course with exhilaration.

However, she reminded herself to remain composed. William was her friend, and he was merely extending a friendly invitation.

With a gentle shake of her head, she released a soft sigh. "Actually, I'd like to head home," she said with a tender voice. "I'm feeling a bit tired." She added a sweet smile to her words, and William nodded.

"At least let me drive you home?" he offered kindly.

Julia gave a slight nod, and together, they made their way to the hallway to retrieve their coats from the wardrobe. And after bidding their farewells to the Evans family, Julia and William embarked on a drive through the bustling streets of Toronto, a familiar journey they had taken many times before.

As soft music played in the background, the city's lights passed by the car's windows, and Julia found herself lost in thought, trying to gather her emotions.

"Hey, you’re ok?" William gently inquired, attempting to catch her gaze, his voice carried a touch of concern.

Shaking her head, Julia turned to face him and offered a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, just a bit tired." And accepting her response, William nodded and refocused on the snowy road ahead.

It had truly been an amazing day, filled with warmth, delicious food, a family-like atmosphere, and cosy vibes. Julia couldn't help but smile at the thought of how lovely her night had been. She hadn't missed her family as much as she had feared, and the best part was that she hadn't even thought for a second about Ezra or the anniversary of their engagement that she and he were supposed to celebrate.

It had been the perfect night, and as Julia turned her head to appreciate the handsome man beside her, she couldn't deny the depth of her feelings.

But her stream of thoughts was interrupted by the car coming to a stop, and a quiet moment enveloped them as the two friends exchanged gentle smiles.

Julia then briefly parted her lips, trying to find the words she longed to say – word like 'I've got feelings for you, Willy' or 'I think I want something more than friendship' – forming in her thoughts. However, her voice seemed to fail her, and nothing came out.

William sat in momentary curiosity, as if waiting for her to open up. But instead, he initiated the conversation. "Thank you for a fantastic day, JJ. It was a lot of fun," he said, flashing her a sweet grin.

Setting aside the choice of revealing her feelings, Julia found it easier to express her gratitude. "You're most welcome, Willy. It's me who should be thanking you – you've truly made this Christmas perfect," her eyes shimmered in the soft car lights.

With a light chuckle, William simply nodded. "Let’s agree we both made this holiday perfect for each other." To which Julia responded with a matching laugh of agreement. And before leaving the car, she gently placed a soft kiss on William's cheek and proceeded to her apartment building.

***

December 26th

The day after Christmas found Julia in a state of emotional turmoil. Her feelings for William had grown far deeper than she ever anticipated, and it left her with a persistent ache in her chest. Seeking comfort, she opted for the classic approach of a grown woman in need - she cocooned herself on the sofa, donned her cosiest pyjamas, and cradled a steaming cup of tea, all while indulging in a heart-warming Christmas movie: Love Actually.

Though. she had watched this movie countless times, its familiar storyline provided a comforting backdrop to her thoughts. The film's heart-warming tales of love and connection served as both a balm and a reminder of the complexities of her own feelings.

Meanwhile, Camille returned from her night with Rasmus, an evening filled with excitement and details that she was far from shy to share. It was precisely what Julia needed to lighten her mood, and Camille joined her on the sofa after a refreshing shower, with all sorts of comforting snacks in hand, earning for Julia to pause the movie.

With a mischievous grin, Camille couldn't help but share the wonders of the night, emphasizing Rasmus' extraordinary physique.

“I’m just sayin’! That hockey boy’s got quite the stick.”

“I didn’t really need to know that Cam!” Julia exclaimed with a chuckle.

But Camille simply shrugged, her tone playfully defiant. “What? He was a good time,” she said with a smirk.

And the two friends shared a chuckle as they snuggled under the blanket on the sofa, indulging in chocolates and popcorns. However, the laughter gradually faded, and Julia's heavy emotions began to resurface.

Camille, adopting a more serious tone, gently but firmly voiced her concern. “Babe, you've got to tell him how you feel…”

Julia, still grappling with her emotions, responded with a touch of vulnerability in her voice. "I know, I just don't know how... I mean, I don't want to risk it, you know... I'm not sure if I can handle another heartache." Her eyes laid bare the depth of her inner turmoil, and Camille could see the battle raging within her best friend's heart.

"He's not Ezra, JJ," she offered, doing her best to console her friend.

Julia managed to muster her best smile. "I know – it's worse; he's actually a good lad," she joked. “And by the way… we have got to do something about you sharing our secrets! I can’t believe you told Sandin…” Julia exclaimed, earning a loud laughter from Camille.

“Ah come on – I know you like when I pish your boundaries… besides, that’s what best friends are for.”

Their light laughter once again filled the room, a moment of shared comfort in the face of emotional uncertainty. And as they finished their cups of tea and chattered about all sorts of stories about dating, heartaches, one-night-stands and more, Julia’s mind gradually came ease.

"Alright, enough with the heavy," Julia then spoke, eager to shift away from the sombre mood. She brightened up and offered a warm smile. "If you’ve got to do my hair, let's do it now before I open one of my fancy wines and we get all pissed."

And with those words, Camille exclaimed her excitement and. Julia turned off the telly only to retrieve her best vinyl records – The Best of All Christmas Bangers – a gift she had received from her father the previous Christmas, to place on the record player.

As the festive tunes filled the room, Julia settled into the chair, ready for Camille to work her magic on her hair, all while enjoying the cheerful music. The combination of Camille's skilled hands and the upbeat melodies brought a sense of joy and lightness to the atmosphere. The prospect of indulging in fine wine and loud music, with her best friend by her side, helped Julia momentarily forget her heartache and revel in the simple pleasures of life.

And as soon as her hair was done, all bright with new highlights and a fresh haircut, all skilfully done by Camille, more wine was poured, photos were taken and snapchats were send.

As the wine flowed and their spirits lifted, Camille's brilliant idea of a fashion show added a playful twist to their evening. It began with them showcasing their fashionable clothing, posing, and strutting around the room. The music and laughter only heightened the sense of fun and adventure.

Meanwhile, William was spending the day and evening with his team. Even though they had a road trip ahead of them, they had all agreed to gather at the Scotiabank Arena along with the trainers and staff of the MLSE to share in the Christmas spirit. It had become a cherished tradition for the team on Boxing Day, a day for them to come together as the close-knit family that they had become after years of spending so much time together.

During this special occasion, team managers delivered heartfelt speeches about the season ahead and what they were looking forward to. However, the emphasis was not only on the professional side of the game but also on the personal and spiritual aspects. They highlighted the significance of supporting one another as teammates and building and maintaining the strong bond between them. This time was a reminder of the deeper connections that existed between them, beyond the world of hockey.

As William returned to his condo, he couldn't help but notice the numerous Snapchat notifications from Julia on his phone, and a smile graced his face as he went through the mix of photos and videos that showed Julia and Camille enjoying their day. It was clear they were having a good time, relishing good food, and savouring wine after what seemed to be a spa day and self-pampering.

And just as he had comfortably settled onto his spacious sofa and was clicking through the photos, he suddenly stumbled upon a different picture of Julia. She was striking a pose in her finest bright red lingerie, her confidence radiating from her fit, slender body, her cascading blond hair, and her bright smile was a beacon in the photo.

William momentarily held his breath, captivated by the sensual image of his friend. Even though he knew it probably wasn't sent as a direct flirtation to him but was part of the series of snapshots, he simply couldn't tear his eyes away.

Julia was sexy. Full stop.

Everything from her curvy figure to her vibrant smile and sparkling eyes was undeniably alluring. And suddenly memories of their first night together flooded back to him as if it had happened just yesterday. As he relived that evening, a certain bulge began to form in his joggers, and his palm grew slightly sweaty. His heart raced a little faster as he found himself drawn into the alluring image of his friend, a powerful reminder of the undeniable attraction that had once ignited between them.

#we never go out of style #william nylander imagine #william nylander fic #willy styles #toronto maple leafs fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl hockey fic

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ruminate88 · 4 months

Text

Why You Grieve Someone So Hard Who Is Still Alive:

The thing about emotional abuse is, that person you were with was wearing an image with you disguised as “perfect”. I literally believed my ex was a “perfectionist” the way he talked about his school work, his work life and the way he presented himself on Facebook, was “too good to be true.” Even his LinkedIn profile portrays him as this successful and well respected person….

In reality, he’s got a lot of issues to work out. The way he would treat me when I would confront him just to share my feelings of concern for “our well being” See, I was on “our team”. Not my own alone, I included him into my feelings and daily routines. I set aside private and personal time for him to be able to unpack his stress, I wanted to know about his day and I wanted to take care of him BUT he could not do the same for me. He kept up this “image” even when he was inflicting pain on me and isolating me too.

Sadly I could not see right through his fascade because I was too close to him intimately, I was looking at the things I wanted to see. Everyone around me saw the red flags and kept trying to be brutally honest with me!! I would post every Monday a “photo of him for man crush Monday” on instagram but strangers would make comments to me, “That guy doesn’t love you!” I would get super defensive and upset because Andrew was telling me “I love you with all my heart and soul.” Andrew refused to break up with me any time I confronted his behavior and my feelings scared him!!

When I would send long paragraphs to Andrew’s phone, expressing my heart felt commitment and concerns for our relationship, he always replied with short replies that felt like he was uneasy with me. I tried to reassure him so many times and create a safe space for him to be in.

Often Andrew would cry to me how stressful school was, how hard he was studying and trying to please his parents but it was “too hard.” I would say whatever words of encouragement I could, I would try to support him but it was never enough. He would scream to me how busy he is and tired so I would offer to break up and give him space cuz I felt he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me but when I would say “let’s just be friends and you can focus on school it’s ok” he would get overly irritated with me and be so cold and tell me I was making it worse. So I felt like nothing I did or said made him happy. He would make me feel like he didn’t want me to text him and that I was bothering him but he kept responding every time and the way he would get so defensive over me offering to “breaking up” made me hope that a part of him did “love me”. I kept giving him an easy exit but he stayed. 3 times I asked if he wanted to break up to focus on “school” and he always promised me he didn’t want to break up with me… that confused me!!! 🥴

I realize now it was never about him loving me, it was he didn’t wanna lose his servant. He didn’t wanna lose his toy. I was always kissing his feet begging for him to use me up cuz I was obsessed in trauma bond with him and even though he probably had other girls thinking they were his main lover, I thought that too and he couldn’t lose any of his toys. He plays with hearts for sure. 😭

But he would randomly give me little crumbs of affection and make me feel like all the stress and drama was worth it. When he would act outrageously towards me with stress and frustration, I would lie to myself and say “he’s just gotta finish this book report and then he’ll calm down and we’ll be happy again.” Ugh 😞 I lied to myself so much!!

cuz even after we broke up and he finished his sophomore year, he’s home now for the summer and we’re “friends” but he’s still abusing me. He went back to his summer job and he still had the same stress with me just different excuses AND he still was dropping me crumbs of affection …

I physically broke these cycles but mentally I’m still strung out addicted to his face and name. I HATE IT but it’s a high every time I think I see him or hear his name, my heart races and I’m transported back to the moments when he dropped me crumbs of “love and happiness”. Because we had moments of “heaven”. He would pretend to be the greatest lover I had…. But it was pretend. I’m trying to not forget the bad times because there was way more bad times than good with him!!! HIGHS AND LOWS. There was never any in betweens with him. ❤️‍🩹

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marveloustimestwo · 2 years

Note

For you celebration can you make for yandere peter (tom) and yandere peter (andrew)

The Fool - How deluded is this yandere when it comes to their darling? Are they self aware on any level? Strength - How outwardly passionate is this yandere around their darling? The Moon - Is this yandere sensitive to what their darling says or does? If not, why don’t they care? Wheel of Fortune - Would this yandere’s behavior stay the same over time? If not, why do they remain the same?

Thanks for the request!

The Fool - How deluded is this yandere when it comes to their darling? Are they self-aware on any level?

This Peter is very delusional. The further his obsession grows, the more likely he is to think that you're already a couple when you're actually not. He takes the little things and twists them into something they're not. Like you say good morning to him in the halls and suddenly he thinks that's your simple way of saying I love you.

Strength - How outwardly passionate is this yandere around their darling?

Peter is very outwardly passionate about you, while around you. It's to the point where it actively makes people uncomfortable by how much this guy gushes about you. He practically worships the ground you walk on and will get noticeably starry-eyed when you're so much as mentioned.

The Moon - Is this yandere sensitive to what their darling says or does? If not, why don't they care?

He is sensitive to what you do or say. This guy takes a lot of what you do to heart. So long as you aren't asking him to stop stalking you, to stop loving you, to let you leave, or to hurt Aunt May, then you can do a lot with him. Peter especially hates it when you ignore him, cry, or actively express your hatred for being kidnapped, and you can get him to do a lot using that.

Wheel of Fortune - Would this yandere's behavior stay the same over time? If not, why do they remain the same?

I see this Peter staying pretty much the same. It would take a lot, and I mean a lot, to ever change his view/behavior toward you. The only people he might listen to are Aunt May and Tony, but even then, in his perfect world, they would actively help him.

The Fool - How deluded is this yandere when it comes to their darling? Are they self-aware on any level?

Unlike his MCU counterpart, this Peter is much more self-aware. He's not deluded into thinking you're actually together when you're not. This Peter is only really overly obsessive and concerned for your safety rather than delusional.

Strength - How outwardly passionate is this yandere around their darling?

This Peter is much more contained than his other version. While people like Flash may say he's whipped, he's much better at containing his more obsessive tendencies, so as to not scare you off too soon. Peter still is charming though, but more in a suave sense rather than a puppy-dog, terrifyingly too much kind of way.

The Moon - Is this yandere sensitive to what their darling says or does? If not, why don't they care?

Peter is not as easily swayed when it comes to your words and actions. You can cry, scream, and isolate yourself all you want, but he still won't give you what you want. In his mind, kidnapping you is the best way to keep you safe, and he's not budging on that. The best you can honestly do is to be on your best behavior, and then you'll start to get things little by little, but it's always supervised, and he has reminded you that he can revoke privileges the minute you try to run.

Wheel of Fortune - Would this yandere's behavior stay the same over time? If not, why do they remain the same?

Like his counterpart, it would take a lot to change his behavior. This Peter is much better at hiding his tendencies, and therefore less likely to get caught by you or anyone else. He plays the long game and is going to stay the same unless something very major happens to shift that.

#yandere #yandere peter parker #yandere spiderman #yandere marvel #yandere mcu

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opossum-gender · 1 year

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Mania, Anti-psychotics, and All for the Game

Now, I want to put a disclaimer here because I am a pharmacy technician STUDENT, and the subject of antipsychotics isn’t covered very well due to institutional bias. That said, I am nothing if not dedicated to research.

Now, Nora Sakavic did not do the level of research one would argue was necessary for the subjects she tackled in All for the Game, however I am deeply insane and upon writing a roleswap au, wanted to dissect why Andrew’s mysterious meds in canon would induce the manic state it did in canon.

It’s implied multiple times throughout the series, specifically through the convictions of other characters, that Andrew is put on a court-ordered antipsychotic primarily for aggression. As luck would have it (or perhaps Nora did some cursory research) there are many antipsychotics that tackle aggression, however they also work to mitigate symptoms of bipolar disorder, (with the exception of Clozapine) especially in relation to mania, which initially ruled out an anti-psychotic medication as the culprit behind Andrew’s manic state in books one and two.

Next I looked to anti-depressants, where I came away with a little more success. I almost instantly stumbled on the term “Antidepressant-Associated Hypomania”

Now this is of course a wonderful solution to Andrew’s canonical symptoms, however, it does little to support that the meds were court ordered, since depression alone would not explain Andrew’s aggression to the court system. Fortunately the use of an antidepressant with an anti-psychotic is not uncommon. So I broadened my search.

Now the combination of olanzapine and fluoxetine is FDA approved, and was the first one I investigated. In regards to Olanzapine inducing mania I found this:

While very rare, Olanzapine could theoretically induce a manic/hypomanic state. Of the other Antipsychotics listed I had more luck with Quetiapine:

Naturally this isn’t airtight evidence, but for the sake of fanfiction of a novel that did far less research than was required to be convincing, it was enough. Especially as I had far more luck with the antidepressants.

Now Fluoxetine in the aforementioned olanzapine and fluoxetine combo therapy is notably low on the list. However, Quetiapine is also approved for combo therapy with antidepressants:

(far from the best source I know, but the chart it provides is helpful and backed up)

In this specific case, Phenelzine, which is listed as high on the chart for Antidepressant-Associated Hypomania. Now as serotonin syndrome is listed as a risk I went and looked for contraindications and duplicate therapy between Quetiapine and Phenelzine.

The combination obviously isn’t ideal, however its no different from that of olanzapine and fluoxetine.

As Andrew’s medication was not beneficial for him whatsoever, I wasn’t overly concerned about the plethora of side effects, especially as his meds were a “punishment” handed down from the court system, and not prescribed with his benefit in mind. Its also a medication combination that, in the eyes of the court system, would take care of Andrew’s apathy and aggression.

In conclusion, the combination of Quetiapine and Phenelzine could, in theory cause the manic symptoms seen in canon, though Quetiapine, notably doesn’t suffer efficacy from nicotine like other Antipsychotics.

Slightly disappointing as I was particularly attached to the idea cigarettes providing a brief respite and clarity from the drugs, without the debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

Now Olanzapine would be affected by Nicotine, though nowhere near the way Clozapine would be affected by Nicotine.

As clozapine doesn’t work narratively the way i’d like (the antipsychotic is known for being the preferable treatment and Andrew would rather suffer withdrawal repeatedly than deal with the effects of the canon drugs) I will sadly have to save that interpretation for canon where real-world pharmacology holds little bearing.

#aftg #the controversial topic of Andrew's meds #pharmacology #question mark?#in which I take fanfiction too seriously for the umpteenth time

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scoriol · 9 days

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i’ve always been overly critical and quick to judge. i analyse the way people tell stories about their falling out with friends- how many times they take accountability, how often they say “at the end of the day it’s a two way street”. do they say “i’m too nice a person” or “i’m basically the parent of my family” to overcompensate for the fact that they’re the complete opposite of those things. and while my judgement never seems to be wrong, i still enter into those friendships because i’ve always been told that you NEED friends. i’m 25 this year and i truly wonder, do i actually NEED all that many friends? i find it exhausting maintaining friendships in singapore- people are overly sensitive, snakey and completely ignorant. i hung out with 2 friends and we were talking about israel/palestine. i asked one of them “do you actually care about what’s going on?” and his answer was “yeah because i think about how it can affect us. will we be involved in the war? how far away are we from getting attacked?” i found myself dissatisfied, honestly disgusted with his answer. how do you make the loss of innocent lives about yourself? how is it that your concern stems from a completely self involved perspective? is expecting empathy out of people a completely unrealistic standard to have? am i the problem? am i overly sensitive? and then there’s the group of people that are silent throughout the conversation, that stay neutral and that pisses me off even more. at the same time i think it’s unfair when people condemn their followers for not posting about the war on social media. so i’m not happy when people don’t have an opinion, i’m not happy when people have the same opinion to mine but prescribe the way i show my support and i’m not happy when people’s opinions differ from mine- am i the problem?

now i know i’ve deviated a fair bit but that was to exemplify how it’s hard for me to find people that fit me. im fully aware im an acquired taste- im blunt, sometimes rude and insensitive to people’s feelings, i can usually take it and dish it but occasionally i can’t and i set off, im intolerant and im righteous. i look at a friend i’ve known since i was 6 and i see her spending her weekends with a new group of people every week and i wonder how she does it. 2 years ago i was envious, now not at all because she talks shit about her closest friends (and my “ex” lol) to me, and i know she does the same about me to other groups of friends. last year in cutting smithy off, i didn’t do it because i was angry/upset. i did it because i couldn’t find it in me to not talk shit about her after everything she’d done and she didn’t deserve that in a friendship. what’s the point of friendships if you talk shit? or do i have it all wrong? is part of friendship talking shit about each other behind each other’s backs and forgetting all you say when you’re sat in front of each other during brunch? this “ex” of mine jokes that i make “besties” really quickly only for that friendship to expire within a year. he isn’t wrong- i like people until i don’t. these days i realise that apart from ritik, the only people i actually enjoy having a conversation with are chloe, andrew, francis, my buddy at work and occasional messages from ex flings. i told ritik that i’m truly content working and studying hard so that i can make more money than i need to buy all the designer bags, shoes and jewellery i want. i asked him if i should feel like that’s sad because i really don’t. people like to make generic comments about rich people being lonely because “material goods can only do so much” but i think that’s something not-so-rich people say to make themselves feel better.

all this to say at 24, i don’t really understand friendship and i don’t exactly want to. for the first time i truly feel content with myself, that i can rely on myself. i genuinely love spending my weekends watching criminal minds and shopping for my next pair of manolos/jimmy choos. so maybe i do suck at friendships and maybe i am the problem but if the trade off is a good boyfriend, a great career and a new pair of shoes every month… i think i’m good.

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yesterdanereviews · 2 months

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In Time (2011)

Film review #600

Director: Andrew Niccol

SYNOPSIS: In the future, time is the only currency: people stop aging at the age of twenty five, and after, must work to earn time on their lives, as well as using time to pay for everything else. Will Salas works in the ghetto, earning just enough to live day-to-day, when he meets a man at a bar who has over a century left on his life. The man, who has apparently been living over a hundred years, has grown tiring of living, and transfers all his remaining time to Will. Faring that having so much time could upset the balance of the economy, Will becomes hunted by Timekeepers whose job it is to restore order, while Will decides to use his new found time to fleece the system for everything it has...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: In Time is a 2011 sci-fi film. Set in the future of 2169, time has become the only currency, where people stop aging at 25, and must get extra time on their lives by working for it, but also must pay for everything with that same time as well. It's a fairly interesting set-up, although I don't think overly novel. The downfall of the film is that it in no way explores the concept it leads with. At the start, we get a scene between main character Will Salas and who we are lead to believe is his wife, but turns out to be in fact his Mother, because everyone stops aging at the age of twenty-five, you would have no idea how old someone was. This seems like some thing that has potential to be explored, but it barely gets a mention. Another big part of the film is the portrayal of the gap between those who have to earn time day-by-day to keep from dropping dead, and those who have hundreds of years on their clock so they can practically live forever, thus creating a dystopia of inequality. The trouble here is, this doesn't really seem any different than the systems of inequality we have today. Obviously science-fiction works best when it serves as a reflection of contemporary society in some way, but because the film's concept is not developed or intertwined more closely with the core story, it becomes fairly irrelevant. We are often told about this system of inequality, and how people in the ghetto are fighting to survive, but every scene there is fairly calm and quiet, whereas you would expect people to be constantly fighting each other for seconds or minutes, particularly if they were at the end of their time. Therein lies the problem: the film tells you about the world, but what is shown rarely matches up to that, thus the film really tries to force feed it's world to you, rather than letting viewers immerse themselves in it to explore for themselves. There's also the fact that the future is hardly any different than our present, save for the time-based currency: all the cars, buildings etc. are things you would find in any city, and again, you're just not immersed in this setting.

The plot proper concerns Will Salas (Justin Timberlake), a worker in the ghetto who meets a man from the rich zone with over a hundred years on his clock, who has grown tired of living after over a century. He gives Will all his time while he is sleeping, leaving just enough to throw himself of a bridge when it runs out. When Will's mum dies as well from running out of time, Will decides to use his newfound time to take everything from the rich. It's a bit of a leap from Will just trying to survive to becoming a revolutionary, as we aren't really given any idea about his backstory or anything, and it feels like there's a bit of a gap between suffering a loss to deciding to tear down the whole system. Will buys his way into the rich zone, and with the help of Sylvia Weis (Amanda Seyfried), the daughter of a rich banker whom Will initially kidnaps, the two embark on a Bonnie and Clyde style set of raids and robberies to distribute time from the elite to the people of the ghetto, disrupting the time-base economy, all the while being pursued by the timekeepers, who enforce the system. Given that the aim given in the film is for Will to bring down the whole system, the film instead just focuses on a constant chase between Will and authorities, never advancing the story in any significant way. In fact, the end of the film just states that they can't up-end the system, and seemingly ends with the pair on their way to rob another time bank and just do what the film already showed ad infinitum. There's also a small plot point that hints about Will's Dad being killed for doing the same thing that he is doing, but this is mentioned off-hand once or twice and never becomes relevant to anything, which makes you wonder why it is mentioned at all.

Overall, In Time offers an interesting set-up, but ultimately fails to do anything with it. We are left with a world very similar to our own, and one that is too similar and thus unengaging, as the film constantly avoids developing it with any detail, or exploring any implications from its core concept. The characters are fairly bland, and Justin Timberlake's performance hasn't improved since his role in the sci-fi film Southland Tales, which had the same problems there. Unresolved plotlines, a lack of direction, and an absence of depth leave the viewer with a film that's simple enough to follow and a bit of style, but wholly lacking in substance and direction.

#movie #movie review #in time #sci-fi #film #film review #2011 film

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project1939 · 6 months

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Day 74- Film: The Steel Trap

Release date: November 12th, 1952.

Studio: 20th Century Fox

Genre: Noir

Director: Andrew L. Stone

Producer: Bert E. Friedlob

Actors: Jospeh Cotton, Teresa Wright, Jonathan Hale

Plot Summary: Jim Osborne is a reliable husband and father and a reliable assistant manager at a bank. One day the monotony of reliability makes him start thinking he could run off with a lot of money from the bank’s vault if he did everything right. He plans a heist, stealing more than $1 million dollars ($11.6 million today), and sets up a flight to Brazil, where they do not extradite. But virtually everything goes wrong once he has the money.

My Rating (out of five stars): ***

Another day, another heist noir with a thrilling first half or so, and a disappointing Happy Ending. Grrr... There was much to like about this film, but also a lot to dislike. Have you ever had one of those days where every single little thing seems to go wrong? Well, watch this movie, and you won’t feel quite so unlucky anymore!

The Good:

This was a pacey, briskly moving film. The time flew by. It was enjoyable and engaging because something was constantly happening. Every time Jim cleared a hurdle, another one popped up.

The suspense throughout. As above, Jim was constantly trying to clear hurdles- each time he went up to jump, you’d wonder, will he do it this time? Will he fall? It was easy to get swept along in the fear.

The plot was enjoyably simple and easy to follow. Guy steals money- will he get away with it? And what about his wife? That’s pretty much it, but it wasn’t boring at all.

Some location shooting in New Orleans. It looked nice and was effective, adding some reality to the film.

The Bad: (some spoilers)

I don’t think Cotton was really the right person for this role. I like Joseph Cotton, but something about the role just didn’t fit him. He just didn’t seem like someone who would ever do something so reckless and crazy. I know that could be a plus in some cases, because his character was supposed to be above suspicion... I just think the movie might have worked better with a different lead.

His motivation wasn’t well portrayed- it was very sudden. His change from predictable guy to someone who steals a million dollars and plans to go live in another country for the rest of his life happened way too fast. It wasn’t understandable or believable.

The happy ending. Why? Why, especially, would Laurie welcome him back with open arms just because he returned the money? Wouldn’t she still be concerned that he had secretly planned and almost completely carried out a major crime without telling her a thing? I wished the end could have been darker and more complex.

The unbelievability. Aside from the unbelievability of his motivation, the roadblocks he kept hitting almost became ridiculous. Every single thing seemed to go wrong, yet he somehow scraped by just in time. There were also a lot of very fortuitously timed phone calls. Laurie’s absolute morality was even a little unbelievable.

The voice over. In a lot of noir's voiceovers can become overly obvious, and this one suffered that fate.

I felt bad for Teresa Wright’s type casting. She’s a good actress, but she gets put in the most boring “good wife” roles. All her characters get to do is worry about their husband or child or suffer nobly for their husband or child. I wish she had gotten more opportunities for well-rounded roles.

A hideous rooster lamp! In the living room of their house, there is a lamp with a plaster (?) rooster as its base. Once you see it, you can never never un-see it! It’s also subtly beneath a picture of a rooster on the wall. Apparently, the Osbornes love them some chickens!

#project1952 #1952 #project1952 day 74 #100 films of 1952 #the steel trap #joseph cotten #classical hollywood good wife syndrome

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dbartyczakhis112 · 8 months

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Final Stop, The Alaska Purchase

For the final stop on my trip through the age of Manifest Destiny we have the Alaska Purchase signed by President of the United States Andrew Johnson on the 20th of June 1867. What I find particularly interesting about this sale is that it’s an actual sale. The other sales in history have a tendency to only occur after a conflict, they were less sales and more conquests dressed nicely for the history books. Meanwhile Russia and the United States managed to in this instance sell a land without leaving a bloody wake. Sadly, even without a bloody war the sale was not without its own problems. Treaty concerning the Cession of the Russian Possessions in North America by his Majesty the Emperor of all the Russias to the United States of America which I feel has an unnecessarily long name personally, states “The western limit within which the territories and dominion conveyed, are contained, passes through a point in Behring's straits on the parallel of sixty-five degrees thirty minutes north latitude, at its intersection by the meridian which passes midway between the islands of Krusenstern, or Ignalook, and the island of Ratmanoff, or Noonarbook, and proceeds due north, without limitation, into the same Frozen ocean.” Along with many exact points of latitude and longitude. The problem with this is a notable lack of exploration in the area that the border resides in. Indeed, Thomas Long discovered Wrangel Island quickly after the sale. The Island itself is of little importance but its existence does prove the point of the flaws in how the treaty was set up. While there was deliberation on the exact ownership and placement of the boarder all accounts seem to show the Washington D.C. did not overly care about the matter, and any deliberation and arguing only lead to needless friction with Russia over something the United States government as a whole did not care about. The Point of this trip as it was, is that even when expansion seems to be clear cut and without conflict; rushing into something so massive without proper setup will only lead to unnecessary aggravation on both sides. The upside however is the ownership of the breathtaking Alaskan mainland for the United States, so the aggravation may have been worth it in this case.

Cavell, Janice. “Dividing the Northern World: The Arctic and the Alaska Purchase.” Diplomatic History, vol. 47, no. 2, 2023, pp. 304–28, https://doi.org/10.1093/dh/dhac094.

Malloy, William. “Treaties, Conventions, International Acts and Agreements Between the United States of America and Other Powers 1776-1909” Government Printing Office 1910.

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essaysfromthefield · 1 year

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A.R.T./New York

We Are A.R.T./New York, and We Demand Better

To the A.R.T./New York Board of Directors,

We, the representatives of current and former BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color) staff members at The Alliance of Resident Theatres/New York (A.R.T./New York), in solidarity with certain white allies, present this letter and list of demands as a unified front in an effort to name and dismantle the systemic racism rampant at this organization. James Baldwin taught us, “If [we] love you, [we] have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” We love the theater and we are here to tell you that, underneath your dress of respectability politics, your slip is showing.

Your slip is showing boldly; it looks like your predatory tokenism of BIPOC staff members, your opportunistic fundraising, and your calculated obstruction of anti-racist programming. Your slip has glaringly shown when staff and consultants witnessed your Executive Director lay her hand on a Black employee at a board recruitment event and say that change would not happen while she was in charge because she just wasn’t ready. Your slip continues to show when your board says, “We can’t afford ongoing anti-racism work,” but spends money on a life coach for your Executive Director, token HR consultants, and severance agreements with employees who call out your racism and abuse.

Your slip has repeatedly shown as your Executive Director perpetually demanded emotional labor from employees of color. We do believe in transformative justice and pray that hearts and minds can change, but the staff, particularly BIPOC, are not safe to do the work of undoing racism with her at the helm. She has abused her power to permanently damage the careers of whistleblowers and explicitly stated that the organization cannot progress on anti-racism work because she is not yet comfortable.

Your slip is fully exposed; the racism, and those who enable it, are deeply embedded in your systems, and we have no trust in the structures created within this institution to enact change. At a minimum, we demand the immediate removal of the Executive Director, Ginny Louloudes. Her presence is toxic, abusive, and an obstacle to progress. This fish is rotting from the head.

The following are a handful of documented incidents of her subversive and toxic behavior. Each of these incidents and more have been repeatedly reported internally with no action or support provided from HR or the Board of Directors. These lived experiences with Ginny have deeply impacted our ability to serve our members and to carry out our operations, our external communications, and the health and safety of our work environment:

During the final panel adjudications for The Andrew W. Mellon Theatre New York Theatre Program, Ginny became visibly uncomfortable with the outcomes of the scoring

and conversation. It was clear that many of her friends who lead predominantly white

organizations and had historically benefited from this grant program were no longer going to be funded. She raised concerns about this to this panel and expressed concern about “reverse racism.” A power dynamic emerged in the room where panelists danced around her emotions, trying not to upset her while also defending their choices.

When preparing for the 2019 Gala, Ginny continued to mispronounce a BIPOC contract artist’s name and attempted to joke with them about her struggle to remember. After the artist made clear that this was indeed offensive and requested to move on from the topic, Ginny repeatedly commented to staff and consultants that this artist was unprofessional and overly sensitive despite more than one conversation explaining the validity of the artist’s request. On multiple occasions, her casual comments went so far as suggesting that other artists be considered for future events to avoid further interaction.

After several weeks of work to create a fundraising campaign supporting DEI (Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion) initiatives for December 2019, Ginny abruptly told the team to change course, saying directly to two BIPOC team members, “It won’t make money. The truth is our funders and our Public Board don’t care about diversity.” She also asserted that donors simply would not resonate with diversity like they would with accessibility or sexual harassment prevention, thus erasing the intersectionality of those three topics. Attempts to defend the campaign with field research were dismissed, and Ginny told staff members that she would not allow any further discussion on the matter.

Following a traumatic shift in leadership in 2018, an HR consultant was brought on to provide confidential support for staff, at their request. As time went on, Ginny expressed to staff her frustration and disappointment with their meetings, claiming that these confidential sessions made her feel like something was wrong. Eventually, in an all-staff meeting, employees were informed that the consultant’s role was now to support the Executive Director directly and that all communications would no longer be private. There have been no efforts made to provide staff support in lieu of this change.

In 2018, Ginny called a Latinx staff member into her office and presented the employee with a list of donor names. Ginny asked the staff member to read the list and tell her who might be Latinx based on their names. The staff member declined to do this and spent time educating Ginny on the underlying racism in this request. Ginny repeatedly asked this employee to spend dozens of hours in similar conversations where Ginny would ask questions about anti-racism and thus make the employee feel obligated to provide education and emotional labor, despite the fact that this was well beyond the employee’s designated job duties. Ginny has made similar demands of other staff based on their identities (such as asking one self-identified queer employee and one self-identified West Indian employee all her questions about the LGBTQIA+ community and the West Indian community, respectively).

In 2019, Ginny terminated organization-sponsored Affinity Spaces for BIPOC staff members to convene in confidence. These typically took the form of company-paid lunches for BIPOC staff to meet and connect with each other outside of the office. When she disallowed future Affinity Spaces, she claimed that anything paid for by A.R.T./New York must be accessible to all staff members, which has never been considered or enforced as a policy for any other organizational purchase.

During the months of November 2019 to March 2020, Ginny continually misnamed a Singaporean Chinese immigrant employee both verbally and in written form. The two most egregious examples include calling her “Ling Ling” (a Chinese-born panda who has since died) and “Ma-Yi” (as in the Asian American theatre company). Despite apologizing each time she was corrected, Ginny nevertheless continued to make these unacceptable mistakes, indicative of her internalized racism as well as her severe lack of care. On this employee’s last day, Ginny also echoed anti-immigration sentiments in an email to this employee, that A.R.T./New York hadn’t been able to support the employee in her visa application process because they could not convincingly tell the immigration authorities that no American could do this employee’s job. This directly contradicted what the employee was told when she was hired: that A.R.T./New York would be able to support her in this process. Ultimately, the organization’s mishandling of visa-related paperwork ended in the employee’s termination and deportation.

Despite all of the above transgressions, and more that are not accounted for here, Ginny Louloudes continues to name “diversity, equity, and inclusion” in her appeals to donors and remarks at events. She tokenizes BIPOC staff, Board Members, and programs like Diversifying Our Organizations for the benefit of herself and the organization, and she takes credit for leading the work around anti-racism in the field despite consistently undermining, devaluing, and harming the BIPOC staff members and allies who attempt to change the organization from within. It is clear from her actions that, in her position of power, she will continue to maintain the status quo of white supremacy within A.R.T./New York.

The racism, and those who enable it, are deeply embedded in your systems. Your Board, senior staff, and external consultants have protected Ginny and perpetuated racism despite the explicit pleas of BIPOC employees who continue to ask for support. Racism is a system and not a static action, making her removal merely the beginning of the work that must be done. For years, the staff members of color have been trying to lead the change within the structure of this organization. The time for discussion has passed. We demand action, acknowledgment, and transformative justice—and not just to remove your liability for being called out.

Racism and white supremacy are embedded into the very fabric of this industry we call the non-profit Off/ Off-Off-Broadway theatre arts sector. It is not enough to have a solidarity statement. Values and statements mean nothing unless they’re backed up by leadership, programming, budgeting, and operations. We demand that A.R.T./New York back up their

statements against racism with concrete actions. As a pillar of the non-profit theatre community directly serving 420+ New York theatre companies, A.R.T./New York has a moral obligation to lead the charge with regard to racial justice and to lead by example.

Many of you have known these issues for far too long and remained complicit despite our concerns. Our trust is broken, and we have no faith in the systems you claim to have in place to enact change. Therefore, in addition to writing this letter, we are sharing these grievances and demands with the members, your funders, and the theatre community at large. We trust that together, we can all hold you accountable for your complicity and transform the culture of A.R.T./New York, together.

In addition to the immediate removal of Ginny Louloudes, we demand:

A guarantee of no retaliation—financially, verbally, or by the withholding of services and opportunities—against the current and former staff and any member theatres that come forward in support of this call to action.

A protected line item in the organizational budget every year to continue anti-racism, equity, and inclusion work for both current employees and member companies.

Ongoing affinity spaces for BIPOC staff and member companies.

The creation of a secure, transparent, and standardized practice for reporting racism and microaggressions that does not leave staff vulnerable to abuse or require them to take care of the person causing them harm.

The implementation of mandatory racial bias and anti-racism training for all board members and staff with direct reports.

Finalize, approve, and update the organization’s values to explicitly state anti-racism and anti-oppression as part of A.R.T./New York’s mission.

To meet the above demands, we propose:

A working meeting with A.R.T./New York staff and the Executive Committee of the Board of Directors on Wednesday, July 15, 2020 without Ginny Louloudes with the intention of drafting a formally announced plan to address these demands and dismantle systemic racism within the organization. This plan will clearly state the organization’s updated values and detail timelines and action items to meet the demands listed above.

Additional meetings (as many as needed) following this working meeting to revise and approve this plan before the Board Meeting scheduled for July 28th, 2020. This plan must be voted on and approved by the A.R.T./New York organizing committee before it is presented to the full Board.

Approval of this plan during the July Board Meeting.

We care about the future of this organization, and do not believe that any person currently employed at A.R.T./New York is qualified or trusted to fill the position of Executive Director at this time. We demand that for a period of no less than 12 and no more than 24 months, an

Interim Executive Director be brought in from outside the organization, vetted by our coalition, board, and members. We demand that any candidate seriously considered have a strong

anti-racism practice and a proven track record of supporting the BIPOC community. We envision a candidate who identifies as BIPOC, disabled, and/or LGBTQIA+ so they can truly reflect the communities and audiences we serve.

During this interim period, we demand that the Board of Directors work with the staff to define the goals and values of the organization and collaborate in the search for, and vetting of, a more permanent Executive Director. We propose this as a solution, while holding space for the possibility that, during this period of value definition, it may be found that an alternative power structure might better serve the growth of the organization. The true power of A.R.T./New York lies in the collective effort of its dedicated staff and the passion of its members. We Are A.R.T./New York, and our potential is even greater than our previous accomplishments.

To define our strength and success as the result of Ginny Louloudes’s leadership alone is not only inaccurate, but insulting to the dozens of abused laborers that created and continue to support the organization.

We’ll close this letter with some words from Ginny herself. During an internal staff meeting (on July 30th, 2019) to discuss the new values for A.R.T./New York, the conversation became heated around the decision to include the words “anti-racism” and “anti-oppression” in defining what justice and equity should look like for A.R.T./New York. These are Ginny’s exact words:

“If I saw [anti-oppression], I would feel like that’s an organization I can’t belong to because I don’t feel like I do that work every day...I think what I’m coming from is that my generation of cisgender white individuals feel like, right now, A.R.T./New York is valuing everything but cisgender white people. And that cisgender white people are not seen in these values because you say ‘anti-oppression,’ and you say ‘diversity in all its forms,’ and it says the word ‘inclusive,’ but they’re not really included because they’re discriminated. [pause] They are not getting all the same benefits. And if you do anti-oppression, you have to acknowledge that you are trying to right a wrong and you’re going to basically shift the power. And if you’re going to do that, and you have a white straight executive director, it doesn’t make sense. You know, I don’t feel like I should be running A.R.T./New York if you’re going to shift the power. You need to have somebody else running A.R.T./New York.”

Listen to the audio recording of this quote here and view the full transcript here.

We Are A.R.T./New York, and we demand better.

Signed,

The We Are A.R.T./New York Coalition: Hope Chávez

Melissa Dognazzi

Alyssa Garland Jeannely Lopez Audrey Rush Sim Yan Ying Bo Suh

Kirsten Sweeney Nathalie Thomas

To add your voice and show your support for the demands in this letter, sign your name

here.

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uselessboss · 1 year

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Useless Effort(3/3)

“Again, no one came to visit her"

“At least this time they visited the first day right?”

The nurses gossiped throwing looks of pity at her.

“I hope you can get better!”

“I bet it has been super boring here right? When you get better we can go out for drinks!”

The bed next to her sure sounded lively.

How nice.

It reminded her of her time at school whenever she overhead classmates enthusiastically make plans to visit a sick friend or trying to cheer them up.

It reminded her of how unloved she was.

Because no one was there to offer such things.

A smile, a call… Her co-workers, her “partners” only deigned to visit her at most on the first day and even then their smiles were stiff and their body language made it very clear how much they didn't want to be there.

Miller didn't resent her powers. It was, after all, what allowed her to help and save so many people that couldn't be saved by normal human's limitation.

She also understood that it was why people distanced themselves from her. It made her too “different", too “inhumane”, too much of an “aberration” of nature.

She understood all that and yet it didn't stop her heart from aching as she looked at the display next to her.

People surrounded by family and friends. Laughing, having fun, sharing joyful moments together.

People that sought your company not out of obligation but because they want to spend time together with you.

She looked at the withering vase of flowers that she received on the first day of her stay by her current partner.

“Maybe they are too busy, after all they have to do my part while I am stuck here"

Those are lies she got used to tell to herself. Words whispered inward only for herself to hear.

Because she was a coward. Because she was afraid that if she spoke about them with anyone they would confirm her deepest fears.

The fear of being unwanted and lonely.

She was terrible naïve.

How could she think even for a moment that everything would be alright just because they were together again?

She thought that the “incident" was the only boogeyman in their past but by the way Andrews was acting it was clear that the scars ran far deeper than that.

It pained her to see her dear partner talk about himself like that.

Because he was such a wonderful and amazing person.

She wished she could make him see that. To make him understand how big of an impact he made in her life and how much he helped and saved her.

“Is there something wrong Miller?”

“Huh? Hunter? What are you still doing here late at night?”

“Andrews asked me to help him look over some older reports to get a better grasp at how he will direct our unit" Hunter sighs in annoyance “ I swear, that guy can be overly petty and childish at times"

“What happened?”

“He was groaning and grumbling non-stop while looking at Johannes' notes" Hunter pinches the bridge of his nose, exasperated.

“You two sure became friends in such a short time" that earned a chuckle from her “I am glad that you get along so well"

“Well… Yeah" Hunter hesitantly admits, slightly flustered. She could only smile at that.

Hunter had opened up to her and told her about his past and friendless background.

He talked about how he had a strong character and an even stronger and strict set of moral code to the point of coming of as overbearing to others,making him not be liked very much by his peers and having no one to call as a friend or be considered as one himself.

So Andrews was probably the first person Hunter regarded as such.

She knew they would get along but to have them become good friends made her beyond elated.

They were the sweetest, most considerate and reliable people she ever met so it was nice to know that they could also have each other's back if she wasn't up the task.

...Maybe there was even a chance for Andrews to have confided about this delicate topic with Hunter?

Hunter was a good listener after all.

“Hunter can I ask you something?”

“Yes, what is it?"

She talked about her concern over Andrews' well being, about how he still seems to be tormented by old wounds of the past and how she felt powerless and unsure about how to approach this situation and help her dear partner.

“… You know something Miller?” Hunter broke the silence after she finished speaking “Andrews asked me to tell him more about what happened between you and Johannes. Can you think why is that?”

“I… What?”

“He asked me because he had an inkling that you weren't being entirely honest with him” his expression turned stern “...Why were you putting the blame entirely on yourself?”

“…”

“Andrews also told me something else about his partnership with you, another side to it" Hunter continued “About his shortcomings as your partner”

Hunter sighs deeply.

“Miller… Why do you never acknowledge to being wronged or talk with us about these kind of things? Trust us with your feelings?”

He smiles sadly at her.

“Not talking about it won't bring closure to anyone you know?”

“…What do you mean by that Hunter?”

“We treated you badly Miller. We did things that we deeply regret to you so, because we are aware of the gravity of said actions, we want to take responsibility.”

Things always felt uncertain and awkward to her whenever she interacted with others. There was an unspoken rule in place to never acknowledge the elephant in the room lest the façade crumbled for good.

It was why she always felt so insecure.

Why she couldn't admit to anything.

But Andrews… Hunter… They did not avert their eyes. They didn't turn their backs.

They took a step forward, hand extended, posture firm and steady as they patiently waited for her.

It gave her courage.

Courage to get closer to them and take the hands offered to her.

“There are things that will take time for me to come to terms with" she admitted “But at the very least I can say that I… Want this.”

This something so dear and special built on genuine feelings.

“Hunter can I trouble… No, that's not right" she shook her head before correcting herself “Can I TRUST you with a favor?”

“Of course Miller"

“Miller wants to meet you for a talk"

“Sure, which meeting room?”

“None of them" Hunter smiled, giving him a neatly folded piece of paper “She wants to meet you at this place”

Andrews raised an eyebrow at the strange way his friend was acting but didn't question it, opting for carefully unfolding the paper to see what was going on.

His eyes widened in recognition.

He quickly turned to look at Hunter who smiled at him.

“Everything will be alright. Go on and meet her Andrews"

He had a lot of history with this bar.

Quiet, cozy, with a bartender of few words that minded his own business and his favorite table that sat on a corner, protected from prying eyes, giving him the privacy he needed as he ranted his misgivings away to the beer that served as his companion.

This was from a time he was always alone. Before he met “her".

“Andrews! Over here!” Miller waved.

“I never thought we would meet here ever again"

“Still as cozy as the day you showed me this place" she grinned, picking a french fry and nibbling it.

He sat on the comfy bench and without missing a beat he also picked a French Fry from the plate, shoving it inside his mouth and chewing it, the crunchy texture indicating that it was just recently ordered.

When Miller became his partner he showed this place to her after a particular exhaustive day as he was itching to blow some steam off and relax.

He was about to do as he always did and bitch to his beer when his partner asked if this time wouldn't it make it be better if he did it sober.

‘Why?’ he had asked.

‘So you know that now there is someone here to listen to you' she answered, embarrassingly honest and making his heart skip a beat.

God she flustered him to no end.

So, because beer was out of the table he decided to then settle for some appetizers instead.

It became a new tradition. To share a meal, to have someone to talk and listen to him.

It felt far nicer than talking to a can of beer.

…But it also made him feel far more emptier when she was gone.

He didn't feel like spending time here anymore and even the prospect of alcohol didn't look enticing to him.

It just made the loneliness too unbearable.

“So, what you wanted to talk about dear partner?”

“We didn’t really talk about everything that happened back then did we?”

“… Whatever do you mean?” Andrews tensed.

“The incident… My wound… All the things that keep hurting you to this day"

He felt sick. Like his insides were all being turned up, dread crawling through his skin, making him feel terribly cold.

He was so not prepared for this talk.

Miller reached for his hands and grasped them in her own, her thumb gently massaging his fists that he had unknowingly clenched until they relaxed, the tip of her fingers then sliding to touch the nail marks left on his skin, rubbing them until she smoothed them all out.

“There were things I didn't want to acknowledge that made me sad, things that hurt me"

She squeezed his hands, letting her mask fall. Finally showing this side of hers that she tried to hide for so long from everyone including herself.

“People being scared of me, plastering fake smiles to hide how much they disliked being around me. People that abandoned, rejected and isolated me. People that saw me as a freak"

It was painful to admit it. She had to put a brave front of everything being alright because she was scared to think that she might never belong, might never be accepted by others.

“And you Andrews… You never did that to me" she smiled “Or at least if you did you were willing to move past that to treat me as an equal and as a fellow human being"

“Miller that was the bare minimum required”

“And yet I was denied such treatment by most" she cocked her head to the side “I feel like there are some kind of misunderstanding going on here. Andrews… What do you think our relationship was really like?”

“…I took advantage of your kindness and unconditional forgiveness, I took your support for granted even when I did nothing to deserve it"

“I was your partner Andrews, of course I would support you"

“Yes, but I never did the same for you” he frowned, “You even had to worker harder and make up for my share many times"

“You make it sound like you were dumping work on me when you… Never did. You never ONCE asked me to help you Andrews" Miller ruffed, “I volunteered out of my own will because I actually wanted you to think of me as your partner and thus rely more on me"

“Still, I was a lazy, good for nothing, uncooperative asshole to you" he stubbornly refuted.

“Andrews I hope you don't take offense by what I will tell you now" Miller got up and leaned closer, placing a hand on his shoulder “YOU SUCKED AT PULLING THIS ACT UP"

“What.”

“How anyone was ever fooled by it is a mystery" she quirked her lips up in amusement “I don't know how it was with others but you clearly looked like you felt bad and conflicted whenever you did that with me. It was hard to take offense when you were the one most thorn up about it”

“Also, what is this nonsense about you never doing anything for me? Andrews, I think you are unaware of this but you spoiled me rotten"

“When that ever happened???”

“Offering me coffee whenever I was tired, telling people off whenever they were being inconsiderate, worrying over my well being and being mad at people that actually took advantage of me" She listed “This is a general idea but if you want me to describe specific moments I can do that too, because I remember all of them perfectly"

“Please don't, that would be too embarrassing”

Miller laughed as his ears burned.

“…Maybe it's kind sad and frustrating that you think nothing of what you did for me, treating it as if I am just settling for less when those moments were all so important and precious to me” Miller rested her head on her arms.

How could she properly convey the scope of what these treasured days meant to her? Her adoration? Her happiness? Her gratitude?

“You talked to me, listened to me, invited me to spend time with you even on our days off and shared so many wonderful experiences because you genuinely cared and appreciated my company. It made me really happy"

If there was someone in this world that she would be willing to trust wholeheartedly it would be him. Her dear partner.

“Andrews… I know it might be a painful memory for you but to me I can't help but think fondly of the day I saved you"

“I can't see how you could think anything good about what happened" he dropped his gaze, unable to see her in the eye “If I had done a proper job and checked my surroundings you wouldn't have to put yourself in harms way like that"

The color of her blood. The smell of it. He could never forget that awful and grotesque picture.

“… And afterwards wasn't any better. You were bleeding so much, your life was still at risk yet I just stood there like the useless piece of crap that I was so you had to save yourself because I was utterly unreliable. You were in so much pain and yet you were the one that had to reassure me"

There was no way he could forgive himself.

“You were in shock Andrews"

“That still doesn't excuse it!”

“I understand" she touched his face, making him lift his head “At least now I can say I understand how powerless you must have felt"

“I failed you"

“I don't think you did. At least not in the way that mattered to me"

“What do you mean?”

“I lied to you about one thing. About the origin of my other scars" she looked at her burnt arm “It wasn't an accident. I got them from trying to protect others"

So his hunch was right after all.

“I have a lot of unpleasant memories attached to most of these scars" her face hardens “Of a time when I was stuck on a hospital bed, when no one came to visit me and I had to watch in envy the bed next to mine being surrounded by people that are loved and cared for"

“Truth to be told I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to risk myself for my old partners at all"

Miller smiles at his astonished expression.

“Surprised? I am not as forgiving as you think Andrews" she jokes “Don’t get me wrong, I didn't say this out of hate or resentment, I didn't wish for harm to befall them despite everything"

“Then what would be your reason?”

“Fear. I couldn't help but feel scared whenever I had to put myself on the line for someone that didn't care at all"

He could sympathize with that. He didn't trust his old partners for the exact same reason.

“… But that day I wasn’t scared at all.” Miller's face softens “That time I didn't have to do it out of duty. For the first time I did it because it was something I actually wanted. I am proud of this scar because it's proof that I protected something important to me"

And she would never regret it.

Because he was there for her.

She no longer had to stare in jealousy the bed next to her because now she also had someone by her side.

Andrews went to see her at every opportunity he got, working hard so he could make time to visit her and making sure to text a message whenever he couldn't.

"I was lucky to have you as my partner at that time. I wouldn't even be alive after everything I went through if it wasn't for you"

"But I... Did nothing. Could do nothing. In your time of need, when you needed support and comfort the most I was unable to provide you that"

"It was hard" she conceded "The pain my body, mind and soul had to go through was unbearable and the thought that the only thing awaiting for me would be the scorn and hatred from people that would surely see me as a monster made me almost consider accepting death so the pain would stop"

But she didn't. Because of him.

"Then you came to my mind. Dying as a criminal... That wouldn't help you at all. It reminded me that even if there was a lot of bad things waiting for me I still had something good in my life to fight for"

"Andrews... You gave me a reason to live. You gave me a reason to persevere" her smile was radiant at this point, voice chocking with gratitude and tenderness "Your faith saved me. Even if the entire world was against me the fact that you believed me gave me the strength to move forward"

"..."

"For the record I also think fondly of the time we spent together. I too think of them as the happiest days in my life"

"I can't wait to spend more time with you Andrews. Just like the old days"

"Shall we brainstorm ideas about what to do on our next day off together then? Perhaps even bully Hunter to come along with us?"

“NOW that sounds like a plan!”

#My useless invincible boss #crowa miller(useless boss)#wolf hunter(useless boss)#daniel andrews(useless boss)

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