#but 1. you and I both know this series changes your brain chemistry so good fucking luck

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

#the locked tomb #kiriona gaia #harrowhark nonagesimus #griddlehark #gideon nav #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #sorry if this makes 0 sense #but also sorry not sorry bc I don’t care #and neither do you if you’re being honest with yourself #go enjoy thinking about your little masc Lyctor fusion and leave me alone to not rot when I’m supposed to #and why yes I do need therapy #thanks very much for noticing #if you feel like paying for it and the hours I’d miss going to it here’s my cashapp #$fuckoff-2024 #also just to get out in front of these #yes I should just go read something else #but 1. you and I both know this series changes your brain chemistry so good fucking luck #and 2. point me at a book where the butch gets to be in the spotlight and I will gladly fuck off forever

[saikolikes]

Aki’s P5R  fanfic recs! (part 2)

Hi and welcome to another one of my recs posts! As you can see, this is part two: part one of this post can be found HERE and includes fics I bookmarked between April 2019 and December 2020. This second post will deal with everything I bookmarked during 2021 and 2022 (... so yes, part 3 is bound to happen some times in the future)

Here a brief disclaimer:

Everything in here is spoiler for either P5 vanilla, Royal, or Strikers;

I won’t report the tags, as it would take too long, so if you’re interested in a fic, please open the link;

Fic recs obviously reflect my tastes and preferences. For example, I love suffering and I don’t like fluff or domestic works, so browse this list knowing that;

The stark majority of the works here is shuakeshu

If you want more recs you can find them in my bookmarks, most of them are public!

MY ONGOING RECS Again, I don't read a lot of ongoing works (although, admittedly more than in the past) and these are the ones I'm subscribed to that I'm adoring!

The Lovers, Reversed by salexectria, Terra5 (E) | Royalty a/b/o AU | akeshu | series in three parts, ongoing "A Thief is caught stealing from the Northern King, and is sentenced to death for his crimes. The Alpha Prince intervenes, but at what cost to them both?" What I love about this AU is the amount of politics and worldbuilding put into it, as well as the uniqueness of double povs who constantly switch from Akira to Goro creating one back and forth that acts literally like poking into their minds. Plus the slow burn and the pining are just on point.

never die when I'm dead by threerings (E) | Royal & post-Royal | akeshu | series in 2 parts, ongoing Two one shots featuring one of my absolute flavors of this ship: sad, intense and unhinged

IDC FOR UPDATES I resolved to defeat my abandoned-wip trauma one excellent fic at a time so here's a list of works that haven't been updated in a while or the author straight up confirmed they won't keep writing them, but they are so good you just have to read them and let them remodel you. Do it. Do it now.

the year of the knife by theexistentiallyqueer (M) | No powers AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "The plan for Akira's junior year of high school was to keep his head down and his nose clean, but he hadn't counted on his new high school having more trouble than it was worth--and he specifically didn't plan on Akechi Goro, the haughty, machiavellian vice president of Shujin Academy's student council, dragging him face-first into political scandal and a series of encounters that would change his life." Please let teq bring you through a journey of spot-on characterization and stunning prose that will rewire your brain chemistry completely. Their take on machiavellian Akechi is really good, and the snark Akira spits in this fic is really something I cherish.

kiss & cry by MajorGodComplex (T) | Figure skating AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "Goro’s first thought when he hits the ground is some combination of the words ‘shit fuck hell fucking bullshit bitch fuck motherfucking hell.’ His next thought is wondering whether Akira Kurusu, senior debut, constant thorn in Goro’s side, and the only person anyone this season seems to talk about, is also trying to land a quad axel at the moment." I don't know what to tell you, the prose of this one is so witty and funny you just have to read what's published of it as of now!

honeybrains by succubused (T) | Time loop | shuakeshu | 4 chapters "a chronicle of the twenty-fourth time akira kurusu lived through the month of january 2017" What can I say, I am really a sucker for time loops and this fic took me by the heart. Tagged as character study and with rights because the characterization here is very interesting!

in the snow globe by aminami (E) | Time travel | shuake | 1 chapter "It’s your heart,” Joker says like it’s the most obvious thing. “Your desires, your hopes, your fears. I’ll carry them with me always. My little snow globe." This fic will hurt you so badly but it will be so worth it, I swear. It's just so melancholic and tender and angsty and it carved a place in my heart.

my love has never lived indoors by rhodophytae (E) | a/b/o | shuake | 1 chapter "Ren Amamiya knows he's an alpha, and he's comfortable with that, but he's pretty sure that being an alpha is, well...different for him than it is for other people. He resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he'd probably go his whole life without finding anyone else like him. And then he meets Goro Akechi." This fic has such an interesting take on omegaverse! Paired with a stellar characterization and delicious pining, it's no surprise it's a fic I will never forget.

GENERAL RECS The fics I’ve enjoyed the most and that I go back to reading sometimes.

how joker and crow survived the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 by shntlvs (T) | Royal | shuakeshu | series of 2 works "Escaping from Maruki's false reality gets interrupted by the Coronavirus pandemic." Could you have ever imagined reading a fic centered around the pandemic? Me neither, but this one and its sequel work so well and have very compelling bits of characterization for the boys. Unexpected premise, but I utterly loved it.

straw house, straw dog by caelam (T) | 3rd sem | gen | one shot "In the saccharine utopia of Maruki’s reality, Goro Akechi’s mother is still alive." I admittedly don't read too many fics with mamakechi so I won't claim to be an expert, but this one really left me impressed with how clear and tangible the tangle of feelings is.

Knight of Pentacles, King of Spades by Naometry (M) | Medieval AU | shuakeshu | 11 chapters "“Hifumi passed on your greetings,” Akira Kurusu says, fury simmering beneath his conversational tone. “And I’m polite enough to give you my own in person. So greetings, General Goro Akechi. I am the man who will kill you.”" I started reading this fic for the war captive trope but this story has so much more to it than just that. Nao's superb skill with writing violence and viciousness will have you thrust into a cruel world where two boys seem to be bound to kill each other... unless?

Ripples by Riona (T) | gen | canon compliant | one shot "Ten people know exactly who the news is talking about, and now they’re going to have to deal with that." A peek into the heads of 10 of Joker's confidants upon learning about his death. The fic I would never imagined myself reading, but I did because it was recced to me, and now I'm recc'ing it to you, too.

When Your Eyes Meet Mine by seths_dream (E) | no powers AU | shuake | one shot "The way the bellboy lingered on him made his heart jolt, made him think that maybe, maybe the bellboy was looking at Goro the same way Goro was looking at him." I've lost count of how many times I read this fic because the horny is just so juicy, it's unironically one of the fics I come back to when I need to remind myself how to write horny stuff. (the same author also wrote this delicious pegoryu that you have to read)

a study in what not to say by succubused (T) | 3rd sem | shuake | one shot "Akira has finally had enough of Akechi's bullshit; they resolve it the only ways they know how." If you like the boys being really nasty to each other, this fic is a must. It has excellent dialogue, dynamics, and a tad of homoerotic wound tending which can't hurt no one!

MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITES The fics that rewired my brain chemistry, took my heart out, slapped it, put it back, and left me a whole new person.

27 steps to seduce a crow by relationshipcrimes (G) | Royal | shuakeshu | one shot "A handy bullet-pointed list on how to flirt with, seduce, and keep your local Akechi Goro." Still to this day, I think of this fic in terms of Goro's characterization. If I have a thing for post-canon shuake chasing each other, it's probably due to this one.

The Brigverse by TzviaAriella (E but most works are M) | Pirates AU | akeshuake | series, ongoing I admittedly don't care that much about pirates but the og fic from this series (A Brig Too Far) was being passed on so much that I gave it a try and. Oh boy. Not only is the characterization impeccable, the story compelling, and the action thrilling, but at least one scene and/or line from each work in this series has altered my brain permanently. I am a new person after reading Brigverse.

wild and free by bangandawhimper (E) | a/b/o | shuakeshu | one shot "Akira Kurusu hasn’t always been an omega. But now everyone he meets in this city assumes he’s an omega. He’s treated like an omega. He feels like an omega. He knows he feels like an omega because he remembers what it was to be an alpha." This work might have my favourite take ever on shuakeshu omegaverse, it's so fitting for them, so thought out, and the characterization is so on point... my god. Read this fic now.

The Diamond Chest by kinneas (E) | post-Royal | shuakeshu | 3 chapters, complete "Who says you have to see Morgana speak in the Metaverse before you can hear him in the real world? Not the few hundred officers who arrested Ren in Sae’s Palace two years ago, that’s for sure." Honestly everything kinnes writes is gold but I'm shouting this fic out because I reread more than a few scenes from this fic more than once, and it's a 100k-words baby. I am a sucker for heist stories, I am a sucker for dealing with trauma in very tangible ways, and I'm a sucker for kinneas' characterization of the boys.

before midnight by specterthief (Not rated) | 3rd sem, canon compliant | gen | one shot "“I—” Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Sumire sets down her chopsticks and rubs her face with both hands. “Um—who told you I was going to training camp?” (On January 9th, Sumire goes home.)" This is the stellar Sumire characterization fic you're looking for. Read this. Read this right now.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN SOMETHING IN ME (DELUSIONAL) I clicked on these fics solely due to my trust in the authors/the summary/one rec and now I find myself with a new kink. Thanks.

Containment Breach by salexectria (E) | Space pirates AU | akeshu | one shot Akira gets stranded on an abandoned spaceship seemingly infested by a terrifying creature. He finds the lonely survivor of the crew and they begrudgingly start to work together to contact help and survive. I am just going to say that I clicked for salex's name, I stayed for the stellar characterization, pining and top-tier bantering, and got overwhelmed by the tentacle sex. (/pos)

it takes two by lumensd (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | two-shots By all means, this series has some things I usually am not interested in (phone sex, degradation) but Jay is so skilled and his akeshus are so fucked in the head that now I've signed up for the masochist Joker agenda. Hurray!

i dream of you draped in wires by rime (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | one shot "Maruki's Shadows don't want to fight; they just want to collect data. Wait, are those cat ears?" You would think a work with the tag "catboy shibari gunplay fuckordie" can't be too serious. Wrong! Excellent character study attack 🔪🔪🔪 (from the same author there's also this P5 vanilla fic that is excellent)

Darken my doorway by EnlacingLines (E) | 3rd sem-post canon | akeshu | one shot ""I don’t need to test my theory. You should be thanking me, really. Opening this door for you.” “A door to what?” Akira says, exasperated by just how self congratulatory Goro still sounds.“ Submission.” Or: I am a firm switch shuake shipper, I don't vibe with too-extreme dynamics *proceeds to go ballistics over this fic regardless*, *awakens to the wonder of d/s a lil fucked up dynamics*

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5 #p5r #p5 spoilers #p5r spoilers #shuake #akeshu #shuakeshu #akeshuake #fanfiction recommendation #fanfic #p5r fanfiction #p5 fic rec #fic rec #fic reccomendations #p5r fic rec

[rotisseries]

ALRIGHT SO THIS MIGHT BE LONG. BUT I COME BEARING FIC RECS!!!

first off. since you said you were in an sskk mood. i'm going to recommend you my own fic 🫶 it's called the memory of your name and is an amnesia fic, which i've admittedly never read before. it's based on this prompt, which i just really liked :))

i also have to be seen in the light (but wander in the dark) by confusedwritingrat, which is basically just uh. a lot of akutagawa angst tbh. tw include torture and a LOT A LOT of injuries, it's a 5+1 of people not noticing when akutagawa was injured

How To Wreck A Schedule In One Easy Step by valleykey is transfem kunikida. that's it that's the fic (but holy FUCK is it a good fic, cannot recommend it enough)

Misunderstandings are extremely embarrassing by EMILEHCM is just. they're idiots. sskk but also dazai. all idiots.

Bad At Love by silent_knives_wielder is so so so good, it's skk soulmates and it's short but Silly :33

EHEHE okay so Striped and Destruction, Resolution by AliceInHyruleBastion are both sskk soulmates, the first is from atsushi's pov (and was written first) and the second is an akutagawa version, they're both AMAZING. liike geuinely so good that i binged every singe one of the author's fics afterwards like holy FUCK, they've got some more sskk but also a bunch of skk so definitely recommend their entire ao3 account bc i've got half of their fics bookmarked

dismal disquiet by Kala (assushi) is hanahaki and uh. it's short and it's painful. you should read it and then sob.

something to get used to by shipeo is so fuckign good, it's a character study on akutagawa and his partnership with atsushi set during the cannabalism arc, which is my favourite part and it makes me INSANE

now. now the series Soukoku Fics by NeonGanymede/StarshipDancer is a collection of all the author's skk fics. and when i tell you that i binged all 300k+ words of it over a weekend. it's INSANELY good, it's 90% domestic fluff with hurt/comfort and some angst, but the characterization and the dynamics are absolutely fucking AMAZING. there's also about 7 explicit fics, all in a row, but otherwise there's no smut and those fics are very easy to skip if it's not your thing. i sincerely recommend this series because the author Gets Them. if not all of them, there's an odango wedding one and the most recent one i'd recommend above all.

okay now i KNOW that you love cannabalism and blood and gore so here's a funky little vampire fic for you! i called your name 'til the fever broke by forest_raccoon is SO SILLY SO GOOD I'VE READ IT MULTIPLE TIMES IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD OKAY

idk if you like fyolai but Sins of Flesh by BoredsoIRead absolutely fucking blew my mind. they're so fucked up but so perfect for each other and so so fascinating. i LOVED this one.

It's Rotten Work by Egosdelirium is an skk fic, written during the wait between episodes after the one where dazai got shot.

also @/creantzy's bernadette fyolai animatic is a must-watch it literally changed my brain chemistry

so yeah!! hope you enjoy the fic recs :3

THANK YOUUUU I CAN'T WAIT TO READ THESE🫶🫶🫶

#I actually read the sskk soulmates one already #i did a bit of browsing it's near the top of the tag I LOVE the soulmates trope so like. reading that was an inevitability for me #but I should go through the rest of the author's fics shouldn't I #ask #sorry-i-panicked #hi kaye! #reccing me a vampire fic. I have a brand<3 #bsd #fic recs

[gothicbarbie]

MY TOP 15 BL SERIES OF 2021

I did one of these for 2022, so figured I should do one for 2021, 2020 and then one for the shows before that. I started watching Bls seriously at the start of 2021, and its been such a fun journey. These lists are probably more so for me than anything else but maybe someone will find them helpful when trying to decide which ones to check out... let me know what your favs are!

1. We Best Love [Taiwan] - To date, my favorite BL series thus far. IMO it really has everything. Great premise and storyline, great acting and dialogue, and amazing chemistry between the main two, plus decent enough intimate scenes and kisses. It really ticks all the boxes for me. Plus, I love a good rivals to lovers storyline and samyu are pretty darn sweet.

2. Utsukushii Kare [Japan] - This one is a bit messy and there are definitely some problematic elements, but gosh, it's so entertaining. From start to finish I was hooked into the storyline and the relationship betwene the main two. And I think it was a well-rounded story with a good ending, so it left me pretty satisfied. For a Japan series too, it had a nice kising scene in the finale.

3. Light on Me [Korea] - Adore this series, and finally we get a longer Korean BL. The main characters were adorable, and the show was light enough and funny but had some good drama as well. Not the best kissing scenes ever but the main two's chemistry made up for it imo. Very sweet series.

4. To My Star [Korea] - This one took a few watches to grow on me but in hindsight its one of the better BL's out there (lets not talk about season 2)... the storyline was fun and it was one of the first Korean BL's that I watched, so it was a good one to start on! Korea goes unmatched for me with their BL's.

5. Kieta Hatsukoi [Japan] - Not a lot to say about this one tbh, I would have to rewatch to really give some better insight but I remember really enjoying this one. Japan BL's can tend to be a bit dramatic and sometimes a bit dark, but this one was so light and fluffy. It was a nice change of pace.

6. Don't Say No [Thai] - Okay, storyline wise, this BL kind of dragged for me. I didn't find the premise overly interesting. HOWEVER, Jafirst and their chemistry really made up for it. It's obvious how comfortable they are and their kissing scenes were one of the best scenes from this year. (We won't bring up THAT scene with FIAT in episode 2 (or was it 1?) because I lost my brain there.) But yeah, we'll just say this series was very enjoyable haha.

7. HiStory 4 [Taiwan] - This was a solid season. Not the best the series has ever done but I love that each season is different. The brothers storyline was a hot frickin mess but the main pairing was cute. Overall, I just found it very enjoyable.

8. Peach of Time [Korean] - Is this Korean or Thai? Not really sure, but it was a cute season that felt like a bit of both worlds. Not the most amazing chemstry or storyline of all time but it was sweet and interesting to watch. It had a certain charm to it.

9. You Make Me Dance [Korean] - It's hard to find a korean bl I dislike. And while this one is not that memorable compared to some others, it was still a nice watch.

10. Tale of a Thousand Stars [Thai] - People go crazy for earth+mix... they aren't really my cup of tea. Nothing against them, they are sweet, I just dont go crazy for them. The setting wasn't really my thing either but I did like the energy between the characters and all their cute moments and scenes, so it kept me entertained. Wished they had a better last kiss though.

11. Lovely Writer [Thai] - Found parts of this boring and the storyline didn't really hold my interest all that much but I did enjoy the scenes between the couples. I wish the side "pairing" had gotten more focus cuz that kiss on the street was great! But it was nice.

12. I Promised You the Moon/I Told Sunset About You part 2 [Thai] - Part 2 was nothing compared to season 1 at all. Season 1 imo was masterpeice and season 2 was just like a typical bl series imo. I hate cheating storylines so this series made me pretty mad haha but it wasn't UNWATCHABLE and I still liked the chemistry between the main 2.

13. Nobleman Ryu's Wedding [Korean] - The time setting wasn't really for me, but it was a cute and fun series. Not much else to say!

14. Fish Upon the Sky [Thai] - TBH I don't remember a WHOLE lot from this series and am planning to rewatch for pondphuwin, but I do remember enjoying it.

15. The Tasty Florida [Korean] - Again, can't go wrong with SK for me. But, compared to the other Korean series, this one wasn't AS good. Still enjoyable.

Honorable mentions: (Won't go into detail on these, but overall I found all of them nice and pleasant to watch, but they didn't grab me in the same way as some other series.

BxJ Series - (still have yet to see it but I did enjoy season 1), Bad Buddy - (watched a reactor watch this so technically couldn't add it to my list, but will try to watch it eventually), Be Loved in House I Do, Tinted With You, My Sweet Dear, The Man Who Defies the World of BL, The Novelist, Behind Cut, Stuck on You

Also check out my lists from other years! https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705678223200174080/my-top-bls-of-2019-and-earlier https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705674738528354304/my-top-15-bls-of-2020 https://gothicbarbie.tumblr.com/post/705139242020618240/my-top-20-bl-series-of-2022

#bl series #bl kiss #boys love series #we best love #light on me #utsukushii kare #kieta hatsukoi #don't say no #to my star #leo and fiat #jafirst #history 4 #peach of time #earthmix #tale of a thousand stars #you make me dance #lovely writer #pondphuwin #fish upon the sky #nobleman ryu's wedding #the tasty florida #bad buddy #Top Bl's #Bl's I'm watching

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

sorry im gonna send you another ask cos im Obsessed with you. now do star trek. um specially ds9 but also tng pls and thank you also i love you . And you can answer for tos too if you want 😋

KICKS MY LITTLE FEETS IN THE AIR FOREVERRRRR 🤭🤭🙈🙈🙈 YAAYAYY MUTUAL OBSESSIONNNN ❣️❣️❣️❣️ILYYYY

Favorite character: tos is spock tng is data ds9 is quark HEEHEEEE 🤭🤭🤭

Second favorite character: tos is jim tng is UHM. IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE. BUT MY SWEET ANGEL WESLEY 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 OR MY SILLY ANGEL WORF 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 and ds9 i loveeee jadzia… 💙💙💙

Least favorite character: tos i dont dislike anyone on the crew so probably mudd bc even tho i really love his eps hes a good villain hes also a misogynist </3 tng is pulaski like SORRYYY to all the thinkpiece bitches out there saying its not feminist to hate her bc shes basically the same as bones its like. 1. okay so shes kind of badly written bc they just tried to rip off bones and 2. her thing with data isnt the same as his with spock bc spock was bitchy right back but data just didnt get it. so she was just being straight up cruel to him all the time and nobody defended him. YEAH SHE GOT ME HEATED. and ds9 i got distracted by so many other tv shows shes been on hiatus for a bit but kai winn booooo we hate your ass 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

The character I’m most like: now. Uhm. literally fighting one million years with myself to determine kirk or spock and i never fully decided so we will leave it at they are two sides of the same coin and that coin is MEEEE ^_^. tng is hard to say bc i love them all but none of them ever grabbed me by the throat and shoved me into a mirror like so many other shows have done. i think either data geordi or picard (minus his leadership skills) would be the closest fit for me. and well as those who were here for biquark url know. 😏🤭

Favorite pairing: tos is obviously spirk 5ever and always like it changed the world. they are the fucking blueprint for everything they invented gay people. tng literally everything is so fun i think everyone has huge chemistry such interesting dynamics with each other. deanna and riker invented t4t bi4bi love but then geordi and data invented my lovely robot wife but then rikorf invented silly boy and autistic boy love and then qcard invented me and my wet crumpled paper bag weirdo boyfriend. HOW COULD I DECIDE… 💔💔 and ds9 quodo is everythang… i love you sillies ❤️

Least favorite pairing: this has less to do with tos and more the crimes of other trek series using tos characters but. spuhura i guess you had some moments but why did they do both your characters the disservice :(( and tos chapel and spock was so nice and hurting like i love her she crucified herself for the right to love a stoic alien (girl i get ittt) and snw fucking slaughtered her. literally feel sick thinking about how horribly they adapted her. evil and sick and twisted. anyways. tng i didnt love geordis weird hologirlfriend and also barclay stay your ass away from any woman on board. ds9 whaaaleeeee i dont really hate anything at the moment ^-^ i guess when i swing back around to it i may have more to say…. 🧐

Favorite moment: OHHHOHHHHOHHH. WELL. tos pretty much anything with spock he is my beautiful angel. but ill say the entirety of city on the edge of forever its so insanely good and has me vomiting up blood. oh also i love kevin riley when he goes crazy and is singing to the ship :•) tng oh god when data is on that planet with the little girl hes pen pals with. ingrained in my brain forever. but there are honestly so many moments i could name like i think they might be my favorite crew ever like i said the chemistry between each and every character is so fucking amazing. and also horny. i love you deanna and riker 🫶🏻 and ds9 frankly im obsessed with quark and the undercover girl ferengi bc hes so bisexual with her in drag well um. who said that

Rating out of 10: 10/10 fucking all around forever theyre my three beautiful weed smoking girlfriends. We Dont Have To Talk About The Movies.

#alsoooo teehee in good omens when she calls crowley a good lad and he says neither actually #it reminded me of when sulu called uhura fair maiden and she said neither #LIKE!!! TEEHEHEE THEY SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDSSS 🤭🤭🤭🤭😁😁😁❤️❤️❤️ #asks #I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVAARRRRRRRRR

[indelibleevidence]

Hey! I have seen your fanfiction questions post and I would love to hear about #1 and #9 for Damaged Goods, if you feel like it ( tbh, I would love to hear anything you want to share about this fic 🙈) . I'm Eldaranel on AO3 btw, so my comment that I have a lot of thoughts about this story still very much stands 😁

Thank you !!

Oh, hey! I didn't know that was you, thank you again for caring about my incredibly niche little playground! ❤ I'm just sorry it took me so long to respond to your comments - I get them to my email inbox, but since I don't really go on AO3 much, I go, 'Must respond to that next time I log in!' and then don't update anything for months, and forget all about it until I finally have something to post, and see the comments in my AO3 inbox. *cringe* But I am SO happy you enjoyed my Remi - she's a complete mess of anger and regret, but I love her.

1) What made you write the fic this way?

It was supposed to be a one-shot! 🤦‍♀️I just watched Kurt and Remi in 4x07, and I found their chemistry just mind-blowingly amazing. That 'we're not dead' after Remi was clinging to Kurt for dear life, and knowing that season 3 had a moment just like it where Jane confessed that disarming bombs was 'kinda hot' - something in my brain just seized on that and hasn't let it go since.

So I wanted an excuse for Reller to have sex - that was the reason I started it - but it wouldn't have made sense without both characters having semi-plausible reasons for doing so, so by the time I actually got to the smut, I was already four or five chapters in. By the time I'd written that, canon had gotten to the magical return of Jane, which was incredibly disappointing to me, since I (and many other people in the Tumblr fandom) had been anticipating what would happen as Remi gradually got her Jane memories back, the same way way Jane remembered flashes of her old life as Remi in the first three seasons. So that was when the fic went from 'changed a couple of canon details' to '4x08 and 4x09 never happened, and Remi cured herself and vanished'.

From there I had to get Reller in contact again (because more smut needed to happen, obviously), but I've always had the headcanon that Remi would never have gotten on board with Shepherd's plan if there'd been nukes involved. After all, she saw an entire village destroyed by the US military because they were trying to obliterate her - the injustice of that was what sent her back to Shepherd. So I think Remi would only have agreed to a plan to take out the government, with a few unavoidable civillian casualties, but not the widespread devastation of Phase Two as it almost came to pass. Shepherd losing both of her children to ZIP made her even more twisted, and the nukes were a late-stage addition to Phase Two (at least, this is how I interpret canon).

The idea that Kurt's image of what Remi was capable of might be distorted - that he'd think she was unbothered by the idea of nuking the entire East Coast - was really intetesting to me, and how he'd battle his disgust for what she was willing to do, and what she HAD done to his family by posing as Taylor Shaw. Balancing against that, his love for Jane and his need to get his wife back, and the realisation that Remi had good qualities as well as bad, and that her hatred of him was a defense mechanism, as much as it was based on what he'd helped Jane do to her life.

Basically I wanted them to both realise they were wrong about each other, and to find ways to very slowly fall in love again, despite so many misunderstandings and preconceptions, and getting past those wrong assumptions.

...I just didn't realise that it would grow into such a monster epic in my brain, and by the time I realised the ideas had gone from snowball to avalanche, and this would be an overly complex series of fics with hundreds of thousands of words overall, the show was over, and most of the fans had drifted off to other things. I've got disabilities that make fic writing a far more exhausting process than it used to be, and it seemed like most people preferred Jane over Remi anyway, so I decided it wasn't really worth putting hundreds of hours into writing the whole series, when I could just daydream the scenes in my brain. But I knew a small number of people were interested, so I turned my notes into paragraphs for them to get at least a little bit of an idea of where I'd been planning to go.

Then along came @nachosncheeze, and she went totally nuts over my Rellerverse (in the best way), so I showed her the small mid-scene snippet I'd put down in proper fic format from the end of the arc, where Kurt realises that it's Remi he wants in his life, not just the part of her that's Jane-y. And she loved it, and fed all my plot bunnies with carrot-flavour steroids, so I decided to write the rest of that angst-fest of a story, despite the three or four fics in the middle (after Crossroads) that I'd skipped. That's about 12k words now, but I haven't posted any of it yet. It's closer to finished than not, though! I'm slowly getting there. I just don't want to start posting another unfinished WIP, since I already have six or seven.

9) Were there any alternate versions of the fic?

Some small changes - like I was going to have Kurt handcuff himself to Remi while she slept off her migraine in Strikethrough - so that she wouldn't be able to tell him to go fuck himself and then storm out, when he tried to persuade her to stick around and pretend to be Jane. But I couldn't make it work with the mercenary battle I'd planned, so I scrapped it. I do really like the idea of Reller cuffed to each other, though. 😁

#fic meme #ask response

[yourstormthlaylirahh]

BL Tag Game

I was tagged  by @25shadesoffebruary thank you for tagging me! :)

If you had to watch one drama forever which would it be?

Bad Buddy is my comfort show, I love it so much and it is genuinely such an excellently crafted show (and also the first BL I watched ever ((back in January)) so it is sentimental).

If you could change the ending of a drama, which would you choose?

As much as I love the ending and think it fit the tone of the show, I would change the ending of Miracle of Teddy Bear. It may cheapen the show a little, but I like happy endings dammit! 

I would also change the ending of Plus & Minus - it started out so good and the ending fell really flat. Same with Kinnporsche - the writing went really sideways imo after episode 8 and the final episode was... something.

While I wouldn’t change the ending of History 3 Trapped, I would add a special reunion episode (side note but the anime No 6 is also in this same boat). 

Name your favourite drama and who your favourite character was.

I’m going to cheat and list 3 because making decisions is difficult.

1. Bad Buddy - Pran 

2. Triage - so many but if push comes to shove I’d say Tol

3. A Tale of Thousand Stars - Tian

Name a drama you dropped within a few episodes.

I’ve only dropped 3 dramas in total, so Check Out and That’s My Candy. Check Out was especially disappointing because I loved the special ep.  

Name a popular drama you've never watched and why.

Lots, since I am a drama newbie. A relatively popular one I have never watched and don’t intend to is TharnType. Some of the more popular ones I intend to watch sometime are SOTUS, Love by Chance, Utsukushii Kare, and the rest of the History series.

Name a drama you regret watching.

The episodes of Check Out I watched - I wish I had just kept the special as a one shot in my brain. Other than that I don’t really regret anything I have watched, even the shows that weren’t very good I still finished because there were enjoyable elements in them. The only possible exception to this is WBL2

Name a drama you thought you'd never watch but did and ended up liking it.

Honestly I didn’t think I would get this into BL in general - I assumed it would be like watching the yaoi I had dipped my toe into in high school, and we all know some of the uncomfortable tropes in old school yaoi asgkhjhxsjkd. There are definitely series which show this lineage more, but I started watching at a good time it seems, when more queer people are involved in production and there is a greater variety of stories starting to be told. Even the more tropey shows I have watched have been for the most part enjoyable. 

Man, I hope I worded that ok, I can’t get it to read like I don’t have a giant chip on my shoulder oops.

Specifically I didn’t think I would like 2Gether at all - I just watched for background for Still 2Gether because I wanted to complete P’Aof’s filmography. While there were parts I absolutely hated (cough the way they wrote Green cough cough) I did mostly enjoy watching.

Name a pairing you want to see.

MilkLove full series, please please PLEASE. I also think Gigie Chanunphat and Jan Ployshompoo would absolutely kill it in a GL. I have more GL pairings I want than BL honestly, though I am still holding out for NanonChimon. Edit: I also really want Mild and Baifern to do a GL together, their dynamic on 46 Days was so fun

Name a pairing you didn't think had any chemistry.

BrightWin. Also both pairings from Star & Sky, though I am not sure that that isn’t a case like OffGun, where as they got more comfortable they would develop chemistry and not just come across awkward.

Name a pairing you've seen in another drama that you like.

I am confused what this question is asking. Is it who we want to see more of? In that case, ForceBook please please please, and I will never say no to EarthMix. 

I can’t think of who to tag, so feel free to say I tagged you if you want to do it. :)

#tag games #ql drama

[haechanokeh]

I'm Right For You [pt.1 ]

[teaser/ prologue] [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ]

✓ I recommend listen to Die For You by The Weeknd every time reading this story 😌

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning (this chapter): HIGH SEXUAL TENSION, masturbation and sex dream.

warning (the series): corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, anal sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, psychology, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark

word count: 2.3K

I think I'm right for you, babe. You know what I'm thinking, see it in your eyes. You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry. It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect and I know that you're worth it I can't walk away. (Die for you by The Weeknd)

Mark was the least classmate you want to be pair with, Not because he slacks, not a good student because god knows he’s an excellent student. you just don’t like how different from you, it was unexplainable but you feel so intimidated- you can’t even look straight into his eyes. mark receives a lot of recognition and everyone adores him. he’s very kind.  everyone wants to hang out with him well mark is very friendly, he's really a good influence they say. he doesn't smoke, he drinks but not that much, plus he encourages the class to attend bible study- his father is a pastor. but you never hangout with anyone unless it's school related.

“my house? y/n? are you listening?” he lowered his head to check your face looking down on the textbook the whole time. he grabbed your attention, your eyes quickly shifted anywhere but him. 

“ah... ahm i’m good with library, i don’t want to cause any inconvenience.” you politely rejected his suggestion to where you can do your case study in clinical pharmacy. it’s just it doesn’t look good if a girl is alone with man in a house.

“but we can’t talk properly in the library.” he reasoned, and you knew he has a point.

“ahm, maybe in coffee shops?” no, you heard mark dislike going to coffee shop just to study, he said the key to ace the exams are study at home or library. studying in coffee shop causes inconvenience too for people who truly want to enjoy coffees. 

“okay fine. your house.” you sighed. he showed his infamous smile.

❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁ ❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁ ❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖

mark said that they have visitors in their house so both of you decided to go you didn't know that mark lives in a fancy condominium. his house look so expensive, you very conscious to move, afraid that you might break something.

"what are you standing there?" he chuckled and put down his bag on the floor beside the couch. you're standing still on the doorway. "sit here." he patted the long sofa next to the couch.

you quietly walked towards the sofa and sit on it, stiffly which made mark chuckle again.

"do you want water, soda, tea, coffee, or me?" he winked, teasing you. you blushed, and you really despise that feeling every time he's around. you don't like it when he makes you flustered.

"water." you brushed off the intimidation. your tone changed slightly like you're annoyed.

mark could easily read people, he's really good at it. he knew you dislike him but something in your eyes say different. mark has been building this sexual tension between you for so long already but it still amazes him that you always block it. rather giving up, he was motivated and it became an addiction. he wanted tou so badly.

"okay water it is." he just said.

you opened your bag and get your notes in chemistry. you saw mark’s phone light up, and you saw his phone wallpaper. it was just in front of you, his wallpaper is a girl facing down on the table as if she's sleeping but what caught your eyes the most is that her matching bracelets with written bold letters life. then you analyze whether it was you, you have the same hair color and the two rings in the middle finger too. you literally froze, analyzing what's going on.

"y/n, here's your water and a sliced of cake that my brother baked." you almost jumped when he appeared. his brows met in confusion when he caught you so surprised. he put the tray on the table. "something wrong?"

your mouth felt dry.

"n-nothing." you stuttered. mark gave you an unconvinced look but just shrugged. he reach for his phone. you suddenly feel thirsty so you reach for the glass of water and drink it.

"ahm... who's on your wallpaper? ah- your phone light up i think someone texted you." you said returned to gulping the water

"you." he casually answered. you chocked and spat out the water from your mouth. the glass slipped from your hand and thank goodness it landed on your thigh safely but you clothes became wet.

mark only watched you while laughing on your cute reaction. you glared at him.

"i'm sorry, you're just too cute." he apologized suppressing his laugh. mark sat beside you and grabbed the glass from your lap and put it back on top of the table. "i still don't get it why you never notice my signals." he said, wiping your face using the sleeves of his sweater.

it sends you shivers, his touch did but his mischievousness no. you were slightly annoyed.

“you don’t like me huh.” he pretend to be hurt.

“stop playing.” you said and look down on your shirt. “my shirt is wet now.” 

mark stare at your silhouette shirt and your flesh and black bra are showing in front of his eyes. 

“i think i should go home.” you were disappointed, both of you haven’t accomplished anything yet.

she’s going home? like that?

“you can barrow my shirt for the mean time.” he stood up.

“really? thanks.” you stood up and follow him.\

i just confessed but i don’t think she get it. she’s really something. a small smile plastered in his face but you weren’t able to see it since his back was facing you. 

he opened his door’s room and he went in with you. you slightly observed his room, nothing special but there’s a lot of book on the shelf and two kinds of guitar. he loves music and ready, you find it amusing though. your eyes followed him getting shirt from his closet. 

we walked towards you.

“here.” he gave you a generous smile. he extended his hand to give you his shirt. you reached for it and once your hand was on it he swiftly hide it behind your back causing you to stumble on the his bed.

“i’m sorry.” you sat up and you froze when he stand in between the first thing you saw was his clothed abdomen. you looked up and the unfamiliar mark was now looking down on you. 

"i just confessed to you y/n, are you aware or just pretending that it didn’t happen, hmm?” he caressed your cheek that gave you goosebumps.” do you hate me? despise me? but why am i seeing in your eyes, you want me and you hate it weren't you?"

the air became thick, your mouth just parted and eyes staring at him. you're still processing what he said, it made you question your hate towards him.

hate was a strong word, you don't hate him but you hate whatever he made you feel, like right now. you're heart is going crazy. you just realize that you really like it and it's hard for you to admit because you know that he will do not good to you. you will just get hurt because he will never like you back, but that's not the case anymore. although you're doubting his confession, you seemed to love the idea of having him.

you gulped, your throat became dry once more. cat got your tongue and your brain stopped working- you can’t even process what’s going on. it was gentle but it feels icy like his voice and eyes. he’s not mark, at least that’s what you think.

“mark... i- what’s-” you have no idea what you want to say. 

he slowly and carefully traced your parted lips. mark felt arouse thinking how good it feels to sucked by these tiny mouth of yours. he lifted your chin using his thumb and middle finger and with no hesitations he captured your lips. you lost your sanity. you melted and so as your surviving rationality. 

he cupped your jaws and he deepened the kiss, tongue inside and he locked your mouths. the sensation went straight to your core. you felt like the world stop revolving around the sun and heat just absorbed mark’s room. the sloppy and wet kisses became louder than the aircon. heat rose from your chest. you were unaware but your hands were on the back of his head playing with his hair. he released a smug smile which you did not noticed.  this is your first kiss, no one ever kissed you... well you never had a boyfriend.  

a wicked idea won in mark’s hand, his hands skimmed down your body until it reached you thigh. he parted and caressed it. but it was a bad idea for him, senses snapped back on you.

you quickly separated your self, pushing him and you stood up. you quickly get up from his bed. 

“I need to use your toilet, excuse me.” your heart was pounding loud and you feel so hot. you walked passed him and walking to his room. 

mark quick on his feet before you even enter his bathroom not a toilet. he turned you. 

“why did we stop?” he groaned eyes glued on your lips.

“if you’re bored and just want to play, please not me Mark.” you begged, lips quivering because you know deep down in you, you’re close to giving in. His eyes masked with darkness, jaws clenched. he stepped forward and you step back. you don’t like it when he’s too close. you hate the feeling of being weak.

“do i look like i’m playing with you?” his voice was deep with a hint of annoyance. it was your first time to see mark like this.

mark who’s always smiling, laughing, friendly, caring,  generous, and everyone adores. was now gone. in your eyes he’s like a tiger targeting its prey. it didn’t help you’re in his den and back against the wall.

“mark, i want to go home." you faintly whispered still looking straight in his eyes. you felt so small, like a prey waiting, ready to be eaten.

"do you hate me that much?" he was reaching for your cheeks but you flinched. mark was offended by your reaction. "i never been bad to you y/n, tell me what did i do to you to make you feel this scared of me." he tucked your hair behind you ear.

"i'm not scared." you almost choke when you said that. mark chuckled at your cuteness. "you're just different to me and i don't know how to act around you." his brow raised.

"i feel uncomfortable mark, can i go home?" it took a lot of courage to say that. you just want to runaway. he smiled sadly, admiring your angelic face. eyes wide open with innocence looking up to him, he felt the unfamiliar urge to dominate those eyes.

"i guess you hate what ever you are feeling towards me, but unlike you I won't runaway." he traced the side of your face, it send shivers down to your core. "because I just simply can't walkaway."

he stepped back and tucked his hands on his pants.

"you can stay, i will not do anything to you. let's finish our case study on the living room." he went back, giving you his familiar smile. the atmosphere changed, the coldness vanished and changed into warmth.

you felt at ease.

"thank you." you said and you're quick on your feet, leaving his room.

mark watch you left from his room, he erased his pretentious smile.

"how long will this last, fuck." he groaned in frustration.

awkward but bot of you at least accomplished and solved the case. he offered you to drive you back home but you insisted that he doesn’t have to but he was so persistent that you have to lie about running errand and meeting your mom.

❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁ ❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁ ❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖

sleepiness caught you the moment your body touched the bed.

“mark...” you faintly moaned and covered your mouth as you watch mark thrusting his fingers on your slick producing squelching and sucking your clit. 

"oh my gosh, i'm gonna cum!" you squealed and your legs started to shake. he crawled over you, hovering your naked body.

you finally met his eyes that almost melt your knees.

"i though you hate it? should i stop?"

“NO!” you gasped, and woke up from your strange dream. you sat up and was catching your breath. you felt something sticky between your thighs, shame enters your system and guilt.

"what am i thinking?" you whispered to yourself.

you felt ashamed over your dream doing something dirty with mark, however the other party was thinking of you non stop.

❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖ ❁ ❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁ ≖≖✿❁

mark stroking his dick, eyes closed while imagining your mouth wrapped around his cock.

"fuck, right there y/n." he moaned, after few thrust he spurted his white thick liquid.

his chest rose heavily. staring at his hands filled with his cum, there was no disgrace in his soul when he masturbate and thinking of you at the same time.

mark is always contented whatever he has, he's very simple minded but things went wrong when you caught his attention. for the first time, he want something- your body and your attention.

he thought, he wanted to be greedy, he needs to be greedy.

"will not do anything? at least for today huh?" he chuckled bitterly as he remembered what he said awhile ago to you.

"no holding back." he seriously said and wipe his hand on the blanket.

hello, i'm sorry for grammatical errors. i hope you enjoy it there's nothing much in this, just sexual tensions for chapter 1 ♥️

and i hope you like it, here's the chapter 1. @mellowvoidexpertfriend

#mark lee smut #mark lee angst #Mark smut #mark lee scenarios #mark lee imagines #mark lee nct #mark lee fanfic #mark lee imagine #NCT 127 #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst #nct mark #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct dream imagines #nct dream angst #nct dream

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES 

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone. 

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

#this took WAYYYYY too long #im gonna go lay down for a while now #peace out #alec lightwood #magnus bane #malec #tmi #tec #tsc #meta #tsc meta #discourse #idk what else to tag hnnnng #i just hope i did this topic justice aksjakaksk #also idk what person needs to hear this #but im a bisexual person talking about bisexual issues #im not the authority on this obviously but if anyone pulls the 'i don't like this post so imma pull the OP is a straight person card' #imma SLAP you #😤😤😤 #laks analyses

[unimportant-ramblings]

Okay I'm finally done the Bridgerton books, here's my official ranking, a guide, a best and worst aggregate, a post so I don't forget these books in a month

The good ones

These books are all great and could easily be my favorite depending on my mood

The Viscount Who Loved Me (Anthony and Kate) the closest Bridgeton gets to enemies to lovers, with a compelling and funny hero and heroine. Best moment? Bees baby! Their wedding night! They're obsessed with each other and they hate it! That's my jam Worst moment? Kate loses a bit of personality after she gets married, the dick literally can't be that good.

When He Was Wicked (Francesca and Michael) in love with your best friends girl! this is the hot one! Also the saddest one! Francesca is the best Bridgerton sister by a lot. Best? Michael is doing the most in this book guys, also this book made me cry? Fran, love of my life Worst: it's sad. It's not the one I would pick if I want to turn off by brain, which is not bad! But it's a consideration

Romancing Mr. Bridgeton (Colin and Penelope) proving that friends to lovers can occasionally have rights. Best? The carriage scene/trophy husband Colin/etc they are crackling. Worst? Colin sulking about Pen's success. Also stop mentioning that Penelope is thinner now I hate-

The ones that are fine

Not bad! But not great

It's in His Kiss (Hyacinth and Gareth) this books is kind of a redo of The Duke and I? Gareth has a messy family secret and needs a Bridgeton to make it better. Hyacinth is much more interesting that Daphne, there's this almost heist thing going on? It's fun Best? Just generally Hyacinth is good fun, and they've got chemistry. She wears pants at one point. Worst? This book is in offensive to the extreme, it's just kind of dull.

On the Way to the Wedding (Gregory and Lucy) le grande finale, lots of references to other books. Lucy is a nerd and Gregory has not read any of the Bridgerton books. Best? Kate is there :) Worst? BORING

The Duke and I (Daphne and Simon) le grande beginning! A kind of lackluster start but you gotta start somewhere. You can picture how pretty everything is in the show so that's a plus. Best? Fake dating got them again Worst? You know what's worst :/

The ones that are bad

I know I'm burning bridges here, this is my personal taste, but, I mean, is it surprising that these are the 2 in the show that have the most not hetro implications?

An Offer from a Gentleman (Benedict and Sophie) the Cinderella story. Sophie (imo) is the most boring heroine and Benedict lacks either Anthony's burden and angst or Colin's humor and self assurance. He's boring and a dick. Best? Violet and Sophie have a really cute mother daughter relationship, legit made me emotional. I like Cinderella too I mean I'm not heartless Worst? Benedict and Sophie have the worst sex scene in the series.

To Sir Philip, With Love (Eloise and Philip) look, Quinn seemed to want to change things up a bit after the whistledown arc concluded. Both Eloise and Francesca's books take place far from the London season (the county somewhere I don't remember for this one, Scotland for whww) dealing with heavier themes (depression and being a step parent here, miscarriage and grief in whww) both have non standard courtships even for this series. For me, when he was wicked is wholly successful, and to Sir Philip with love fails. Eloise and Philip have very little chemistry, Philip is supposed to be our manly man but not in a hot way ladies! It's not like he's a wild mountain man, he's an intellectual who just treats people poorly. Best? When the brothers come. Which says a lot about our couple tbh. I also liked benophie better here. Worst? Everything about how they treat Marina. I just hate Philip tbh.

So my ranking is 2 6 4 7 8 1 3 5 please send me all the reasons I am wrong besties

#bridgerton #books #2021 #my post

[seattlesea]

Perachel Is Not a Bad Ship

It’s really not. It’s actually one of the best-written relationships (romantic-wise and platonic) in any of the series, way better than Percabeth in my opinion (obviously you can think differently). But why does the fandom hate it so much? Because it ‘got in the way of Percabeth’? And yet you go on and ship Percy with Nico, Jason, Artemis, Athena, etc.? Doesn’t that ‘get in the way of Percabeth’ too? I don’t see any of you mercilessly hating on those ships. Honestly, most of the fans only hate Perachel because the fandom and Riordan told them they should and because hating on Perachel is ‘popular’. Guys- it’s 2021. You can stop acting like they weren’t cute. 

But anyways, here’s my reasoning-

1. Rachel treats Percy good. Has Rachel ever hit Percy? Or insulted him? Or made him feel like shit about himself? Or canonically lowered his self-esteem? Or turn all possessive and jealous when someone else likes him despite not even being in a relationship with him? It’s even shown that Percy is a lot more himself when he’s around Rachel. He’s more funny, reckless, wild, laid-back, and carefree, while around Annabeth all he thinks about is the right thing to say. It’s pretty clear he’s more comfortable around Rachel cause she doesn’t overwork his mind or treat him badly, and she even makes him feel good about himself. 

2. Percy likes Rachel (more than Annabeth). This is most obvious in the first chapter of The Last Olympian, when Percy and Rachel were driving out to the beach. Percy thinks “We'd spent a lot of time together this summer. I hadn't exactly planned it that way, but the more serious things got at camp, the more I found myself needing to call up Rachel and get away, just for some breathing room. I needed to remind myself that the mortal world was still out there, away from all the monsters using me as their personal punching bag”. When Percy was stressed, he called Rachel, not Annabeth. If you find yourself calling up someone to help you relax and take care of yourself, you clearly like them better than someone you don’t. And not only that, but Percy and Rachel probably spent more time together than Percy did with Annabeth. Percy and Annabeth only saw each other during quests- which isn’t exactly a better way to bond with someone versus actually talking to and hanging out with them- and he even said that they spent a lot of time together, plus they go to the same school. Which means Percy only sees Annabeth two months out of the full year but sees Rachel all year round. After The Last Olympian, Percy and Annabeth have known each other for four years. Two months of four years is eight months total. Percy and Rachel have known each other for two years. Every month (plus every single day at school) plus sometimes in the summer is about twenty-four months. That’s triple the time Percy and Annabeth spent with each other, so they obviously know each other better. Another thought from Percy is “I can't pretend I hadn't thought about Rachel. She was so much easier to be around than...well, than some other girls I knew. I didn't have to work hard, or watch what I said, or rack my brain trying to figure out what she was thinking. Rachel didn't hide much. She let you know how she felt.” That alone should be a huge sign that Percy likes Rachel more than Annabeth. He’s more comfortable around her and he’s scared of Annabeth. You shouldn’t be scared of your partner, that’s a clear sign that something is wrong (aka a toxic relationship). If someone has to ‘work hard’ aka stress themself or ‘watch what they say’ around someone, they are obviously not comfortable around them. Percy even states that Rachel is easier to talk to than Annabeth, and he likes talking to Rachel more. 

3. Rachel isn’t possessive. The moment Rachel found out that Annabeth liked Percy, she let her have him, cause she (unlike Annabeth) didn’t care about what she wanted, she cared about what Percy wanted and his own happiness. Rachel didn’t disallow Percy to have other female friends and allowed him to do what he wanted, and she didn’t insult and hate on Annabeth just for liking Percy (and yet the fandom roots for Annabeth, the rude, prejudiced one?).

4. Perachel wasn’t rushed or forced. Percy and Annabeth were just the 'male lead and female lead get together' that was predicted to happen since the moment they saw each other, so their entire relationship was just those two being forced together by both Riordan and the fandom. It was too obvious that it was going to happen, so nothing that happened between them before they became an official couple really mattered since everyone knew that they were going to get together anyways. There was no real tension since everyone knew what was going to happen in the end. As for Rachel, she was a sudden twist that wasn't really expected. She met Percy at the Hoover Dam, helped him despite not knowing or believing him, and then they went to school with each other, helped each other on quests, and grew feelings for each other. Percy and Rachel have a lot of chemistry- way more than Percy and Annabeth- and their relationship didn't happen too fast. In The Mark of Athena, it was said that Annabeth had a crush on Percy since she first knew him. I mean- gaining a crush on someone at twelve years old? That doesn't mean anything. It's just a flimsy middle school crush. Percy and Rachel, though, met each other in The Titan’s Curse- when they were fourteen- and started gaining feelings for each other in The Battle of the Labyrinth- when they were fifteen. Fifteen year-olds can definitely start gaining feelings that aren't just sexual attraction and flimsy crushes, so Percy and Rachel's relationship is a lot more plausible than Percy and Annabeth's. Besides, Percy and Rachel's relationship was a more relaxed 'going with the flow' type of relationship that seemed to naturally flow off the pages while Percy and Annabeth's was too forced with too many forced scenes and moments. Percy and Rachel's relationship seemed a lot more natural and content. 

5. Percy and Rachel aren’t opposites. Despite the popular saying ‘Opposites attract’, opposites don’t attract, opposites cancel each other out. Besides, that saying is similar to the saying ‘Your other/better half’, but people don’t have a ‘better half’ that needs to ‘complete them’. The thing between similars and opposites is that people who are too opposite will become enemies (like Percy and Annabeth) but people who are too similar will also become enemies (like Percy and Thalia or Percy and Jason), so people have to find someone who’s in between. Percy and Rachel are just like that. They share similar personality traits, like the same things, and would be able to agree on most things while Percy and Annabeth would realistically argue about everything. Besides, y’all can’t act like the artistic painter mortal and the son of Poseidon skater-boy isn’t a cute-ass concept. 

6. It’s not just fan love. Honestly, it seems like Riordan was going to make Perachel happen but after seeing how much hate it got, changed his mind to Percabeth (which is why he made Rachel become the Oracle of Delphi and randomly made up the rule that the Oracle can’t date out of nowhere without any reasoning behind it). I mean- did any of you notice that all romantic Percabeth moments only happened after The Titan’s Curse and after Rachel was introduced? Perachel was actually introduced first, not Percabeth. It would explain why Riordan randomly added in a bunch of unrealistic Percabeth scenarios that were on the brink of cringey (Percy seeing Annabeth in the River Styx and not his mom or Grover, Percy only remembering Annabeth and not his mom, Percy and Annabeth falling into Tartarus- which wasn’t that bad as the fans make it, by the way, they over-exaggerated that a lot- Percy turning down immortality only for Annabeth and not his mom, life, friends, etc.) Percabeth came out too forced because Riordan was only writing what the fans wanted. And the fact that the toxic Percabeth fans who hate on, insult, curse, yell at, or even threaten anyone who so much as says ‘Perachel’ take up the majority of the fandom further proves this. It’s fine to think that someone’s opinion sucks and is absolutely repulsive, but hating them because of it? That just makes you the asshole. 

Perachel is actually a really great and healthy relationship and the fandom should stop hating on it just because others told them to or because it ‘got in the way of Percabeth’. You can multi-ship, you know, and you can also stop being a toxic person who hates on people for what they like just like homophobes do. 

#perachel #perachel isn't bad stop acting like it is #percabeth is toxic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #rachel dare #rachel elizabeth dare #stop the rachel hate

[shirophantomvox]

What is this Fuzzy Feeling? Part 3

Hello anon! This is for you! I am very surprised that you all like this little series! If it gains popularity, I will continue it. I would like to thank my new followers! I haven't been active on here because I am still in school and right now; it is kicking my butt. Anyway, I will fix the grammar errors later. For now, enjoy this fluffy fic!

Part 1 Part 2

The sound of each rain droplet hitting against the window seal felt ever so pleasant. The shine from the night sky somehow cast a beautiful gleam of light through my bedroom window. Inside my dorm room were a few Pumpkin Spice candles lit in each corner being dispersed. The smell of pumpkin pie filled my nostrils as I placed a piece in my mouth. I usually despised Pumpkin Pie, but after seeing my roommates partake in some, I decided I’d try it.

Summer is my favorite season. Every year for the last 23 years, I’d go to the carnival with my family, roller skate, go to the state fair, and just about any family fun venue in our state. The warm air always made me feel wonderful, but at the end of August, I could always sense a change in temperature. My mood would shift because school was starting again and that meant the weather would progressively be worse. Goodbye summer nights; I wish the fall would stay away. I only somewhat enjoy fall because I have someone to “keep me warm”. It is “hoodie season” and god knows I need a lot of them, but who wants to pay $50+ for a single hoodie? The additional light from each lightning strike added an odd romantic feeling to the atmosphere. I suddenly longed for my boyfriend’s presence.

“I’m so cold,” I silently said to myself.

A playlist of soft piano jazz played in the background as I laid vertically on my bed. I felt a sense of accomplishment as I completed all of my chemistry work for the week and passed both of my tests. Good things are coming my way. Opening a manga to where I left off, I read rather quickly. I often use a technique I learned in 1st grade, a “picture walk”. A Picture Walk comprises viewing images a chapter at a time and then reading the pages. This way, I can digest both the imagery and dialogue. So far, everything was flowing perfectly; the sound of the rain was steady, the smell of pumpkins became subtle as the lightning picked up speed. As comfortable as the air was, it tempted me to fall asleep, but the lingering thought of being embraced in my boyfriend’s arms kept me awake. Still, the thought of taking a brief nap overtook my brain. What felt like a 2-minute nap was actually a 3-hour snooze.

Throughout my slumber, the music continued to play and the smell of pumpkin pie continued to thrive, making me feel as if I was sleeping on clouds. Midway through my siesta, my heart fluttered. The fluttering sensation happened every minute and somehow made me feel delightful, but nothing came to mind why this happened. My trance slowly lightened as I could feel little soft movements on my skin. I could feel soft skin touching my neck and shoulder, sending slight shivers down my spine. The skin in those areas felt wet and lukewarm and yet I still didn’t awake from my sleep…. completely. Although I was fully aware of the events that were happening, I pretended to be asleep so the arousing sensation could continue. Just as I was about to wake up (because I couldn’t stop myself from jerking), soft skin met the top of my thigh, causing me to jerk and lose control. I already knew what this would have led to and even though I was not opposed to the idea, my roommate was going to return in one hour.

“I knew you were awake! You’re a horrible faker,” Hisoka said. His sharp nails scratched every inch of my body, sending shivers down my spine once again. His warm breath bounced against my neck as he pressed more kisses against the soft skin. The nails on his fingers were sharp indeed, but the fingertips were much softer than expected. Warm butterfly smooches against my cheek and the warmth of my skin made it seem like I was melting into a puddle. The smooth pads of his fingers made small circles on my waist and his long nails grazed my thighs. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care if he ripped off my shirt.

“What got you in such a cheerful mood?”

“Well, I’ve been studying all day and passed my finance midterm, so I figured I come here and celebrate!”

“Really? That’s great! I’m proud of you, babe!”

“I’m proud of myself. There were moments when I was too distracted and had to take a break.”

“Trust me, I understand. Don’t feel bad. Taking mental breathers is encouraged.”

“The workload wasn’t the problem”— the force of his forehead pinned against mine forced the back of my head to slam against the pillow. I firmly pressed my nose against his while his lips weren’t even an inch away— “the thought of your godlike nude body against mine nearly drove me wild. Devouring every bit of you is my goal. I’m sure you’ll be more than satisfied.”

A wave of heat swept over my face and in between my thighs, a blush being plastered all over. My ears were on fire! Oddly enough, I usually entertained Hisoka’s assertive passes, but this time, it was different. The hungry look in his eyes made my heart stop, my bones felt stiff, and left my eyes wide. I often have arousing dreams that involved him and me, but I am too afraid to partake in such an act. The fear of being interrupted stopped me every time.

“I—I—,” stuttering like a fool, I continued to stare into his golden orbs.

“What’s the matter, kitten? Cat’s got your tongue?”

Before I could respond, his lips gently placed two individual kisses on mine. His right index finger slid in between my chest and down my stomach. Knowing that I could melt like a stick of butter just by a single touch is something that I’m not proud of but have come to terms with.

“C-Can we just cuddle? I miss your warmth.”

“Of course, darling! That’s all you had to say.”

Hisoka’s arrogant chuckle made me blush more. He knew how I truly felt and admired how I controlled my impulsive feelings. Cuddling was on my do-to list, anyway.

The cold fall breeze seeped through the glass. I must have been shivering and didn’t realize it. At one point, I propped my head up using my forearm, and in another; Hisoka pulled me closer, leaving my head on my sheets instead of the pillow. His right arm was wrapped tightly around my torso while he pressed his nose against the back of my head. He gently placed two loving kisses on my lower neck in response to me placing my arm on top of his. The warmth radiating off our bodies made the entire room cozy; making my eyes flutter once again. The sounds of our steady breaths, the feeling of our synchronized heartbeats, and the warmth of our bodies felt heavenly. A few thoughts raced through my mind and caused me to wonder: “What is this fuzzy feeling?”

“I’m warming your heart,” Hisoka replied, stretching his body. “You broke my ice-cold heat and, who knows, you might have some tendencies of your own. Maybe that’s why we attract.”

As I slowly drifted off to sleep, the candles were blown out, the music stopped, and the rain came to a standstill. I lifted my head and saw that my roommate was fast asleep. Everything seemed to be frozen in its tracks except for my running thoughts. Nothing but a frightening phrase haunted my mind.

“You broke my ice-cold heat and, who knows, you might have some tendencies of your own. Maybe that’s why we attract.”

The morning sun’s rays shined through my bedroom windows, casting a godly glow on Hisoka’s face. I turned on my left side and, to my surprise, I nearly squealed at such a beauty. The sunlight pushed shadows away from Hisoka’s face, highlighting his sharp cheekbones, long eyelashes, and his lips. The softened expression made my heart do backflips as even a strong, prominent man can have soft moments. I smiled contently as I took a moment to realize how lucky I was.

The tip of my index finger traced the dip of his eyebrows to the shape of his nose and all around his face. My small index finger made its way to his right arm, tracing his muscles. Just as I was going to explore thigh muscles, he bats his eyes twice and smiled.

“Good morning, kitten. Did you sleep well?” he said, his voice deep and sluggish.

“It was amazing. Thank you for keeping me warm.”

#hunter x hunter headcanons #hunter x 1999 #hunter x 2011 #hunter x hunter #hunter x reader #hisoka morrow #hunter x meme #illumi zoldyck #hisoka x y/n #hisoka #writers on tumblr #hunter x hunter hisoka #hisoka hcs #hisoka morrow x reader #hxh 2011 #hxh 1999 #hxh art #hunter x hunter x reader #hisoka fluff #hxh hisoka #hxh reader #what is this fuzzy feeling?

[vanillann]

the 1994 battle of the performers (luke patterson x f.reader)

i might make this a series if yall are interested!! i would write the rest in the readers p.o.v. this would just be a prologue, lmk!!

word count: 2.9k

the 1994 battle of the performers masterlist

Prologue

“Look what I found on the bulletin board!”

Alex looked around his locker, Luke's smiling face next to a piece of paper held tightly in his grip. He closed his locker and pulled the paper out of Luke’s hands, reading over the word.

Battle of the Performers

December 12th, 1994

The Charles Theatre

“What’s this?”

“This, my friend, is our first live gig,” Luke tapped the top of the page.

“A gig?”

Alex and Luke looked up once they heard Reggie’s voice sound from beside them.

“Yep, it's local but it’s something.”

Luke was over the moon about the plan, I mean come on a gig, that’s all that matters, to say the least.

“Perfect timing, my vintage leather jacket just came in,” Reggie nodded his head, just as happy about the news of the gig.

“Hey,” Bobby came up behind Alex, giving him a small pat on the shoulder and waving at the other guys. He looked over Alex's shoulder, reading over the words just as Alex did seconds ago.

“Are we gonna enter?”

“Yes,” Luke was fast to answer, bouncing on his toes at the idea of finally sharing their music with the world. Alex was about to open his mouth to say something about the paper but the sound of the hall going quite caught his attention.

(Y/N) (L/N) held her bag close to her shoulder, smiling at a few people that passed. The once confident girl seemed out of her element as she made her way to her locker.

“I didn’t know she was out of physical therapy yet?” Bobby muttered quietly to the rest of the group. Their eyes trained on the girl as she smiled when others did and accept the sad apologies.

“Did you hear they kicked her from the dance team?” Reggie spoke, overhearing the conversation from his history class yesterday.

Each boy in Sunset Curve felt horrible for the dancer, after the incident with her ACL and her long recovery. They all had just as much of a dream as she did and they’d be wrecked if they lost it all.

As the girl made it closer to the group Luke adjusted himself in front of her, giving a sympathetic smile.

“Hey (Y/N),” his voice was soft, looking around the halls at all the people that watched the two. A quick glare and half the heads in the hall were back to their original conversation.

“Patterson?”

“Just wanted to apologize, you know-”

“It’s fine, wasn’t anyone's fault,” his heart was ripping out as the girl passed him and moved around him. Her head hung low and broken and she opened her locker and rummaged through it. Luke said nothing, moving back with his little group as his eyes watched her a little longer before turning back.

“So the gig?”

“We can’t enter,” Alex closed his own locker, moving the paper for Luke’s eyes. He pointed to the requirements that were printed at the bottom of the page.

MUST HAVE A DANCE NUMBER WITH LIVE PERFORMANCE

“What,” Luke ripped the paper, holding it between his fingers as he read over the words while Bobby helped guide him throughout the halls.

“They can’t do this!”

“They can, it’s their battle,” Alex commented, giving his friend a sympathetic smile. He could tell how excited he was about the idea of a gig, just for it to be ruined by their underprepared band.

Luke sighed, waving Reggie and Bobby bye and they made their way to English and Luke and Alex had Gym.

“This is trash,” Luke pouted as he made his way into the locker room, Alex luckily paying attention to the both of them and held Luke’s gym bag in his hand.

“We’ll find a different gig,” Alex clapped his friends on the shoulder, finding a stall and quickly dipping in before someone else found it. Luke didn’t care enough in the moment to find his own, easily taking off his “school approved” shirt his mother made him wear into his muscle tee.

“Yeah, but this one would’ve shown all of our parents, mine and yours, maybe even Reggie’s,” Luke’s shoulders dropped at that fact. He just wanted Reggie's parents to stop fighting all the time, Alex’s parents get over their old age ways, and his own parents to just understand it’s going to work.

Alex frowned at the thought, knowing everyone had their own reason past the love for music and why they needed a gig.

“She’ll never make it back on the dance team, they’ll have to have try-outs,” a group of “shit-heads” as Bobby would call them came into the locker room. Alex and Luke knew they were talking about (Y/N), which pissed them off and how funny they found the poor girl's pain.

But something else was rattling in Luke’s brain.

Try-outs.

“Alex,” Luke’s infectious smile was back as he grabbed the top of the stall Alex was in, pushing himself up and holding himself there as he watched his friend with a goofy laugh.Alex fell backwards, looking up at Luke with his gym shorts barely on all the way.

“We hold try-outs for the dancers, get our own dance team.”

Alex shook his head, standing back up and pulling the pants up all the way while looking up at his friend.

“We don’t know anything about dance, plus who would try-out for our band,” Alex opened the door of the stall, Luke still keeping his grip and the door swung back.

“The dance team is super picky, anyone not on it will take any opportunity they can get,” Luke jumped down, finally moving to his bag to change into his own gym shorts.

“I don’t know Luke.”

It wasn’t the wrose plan, Alex could agree on that but realistically it would be hard and while they did have time with it being September and all it wasn’t going to be easy to make the whole thing come to life.

Sunset Curve’s music at the moment was good for head bumping but a serious dance routine would take some work from everyone.

“Let’s ask Reggie and Bobby before we decide?”

Alex watched Luke bite his lip and give his best puppy dog eyes.

“I can work with that.”

“I dig it,” Reggie gave a goofy smile and bit into the apple that he was just attempting to juggle seconds ago. Luke jumped in his seat, smiling widely as 1/2 of the group had said they liked the idea.

“What inspired this idea?” Bobby asked, shrugging as he stole a chip from Alex bag, which caused Alex to roll his eyes.

Luke simply turned around, doing his best to hide the fact he was watching (Y/N) as she looked to be in a heated discussion with the dance team captain, Megan Ray, who looked broken about the discussion but standing her ground.

“Someone mentioned they’d have to replace her with try-outs in the locker room,” Luke muttered, watching as the girl jabbed her finger into the table. most likely trying to make her way back on the team.

“I feel so bad for her,” Bobby muttered, trying to imagine a world where he couldn’t rock out with his friends because of a freak accident.

“Me too, she’s really smart too. Basically saved me in Chemistry last year,” Reggie looked away from the girl, someone he’d considered a good person hurting so bad for something no one could fix.

Once the girl stood up from the chair, trying her best not to draw too many eyes, was when Luke went back to the plan.

“It’ll work like a dream,” Luke muttered, already pulling a piece of paper out with his chick scratch and a sad worked out calendar.

“How do you read that?”

Luke stood up and smacked Alex with the paper, easily going back to the plan.

“I talked to Coach Edison and he said the Gym is free this Friday, plenty of time to get the word out,” Luke smiled at the easily done, but still done, the research he had done.

“What will we make them dance to?”

“Now or Never,” Luke spoke with a shrug.

“Sounds well thought out,” Reggie spoke absentmindedly, trying to remember a thought he just had but lost.

“Come on, we gotta show everyone who doubts us we mean something.”

Luke didn’t know if it was that sentence that struck a chord with them but they all seemed to slowly feed into Luke’s words more after that.

“Peter?”

Reggie turned at the call of his last name, smiling once he saw (Y/N) standing behind him at the table.

“(Y/N)!”

Reggie's smile was contagious as he smiled up at the girl, doing his best to avoid talking about the leg injury, he knew if something happened to his finger and he couldn’t play bass again he wouldn’t want to talk about it.

“Do you have the notes of Henderson’s class? He’s making me take all the quizzes I missed this Friday after school,” she muttered, nodding her head to the other boys as they watched her.

“That sucks, I can give them to you last period.” She gave a quick smile as a thank you, smiling to the other boys before heading back to the table she sat at before with a few other girls they had seen her around the halls with.

“Can’t believe Henderson would be that harsh,” Bobby shivered as if scared at the thought of taking that many quizzes in one sitting.

“He hates anyone who doesn’t do classic field, probably blames her for the fall,” Reggie muttered, finally making it to the core of his apple.

“What! It wasn’t her fault,” Luke jumped in, trying his best to keep his voice down.

“We don’t think that, now chill,” Alex waved at the few girls that had looked their way at the outburst.

Once everything died down, Alex and Bobby both nodded to one another, then looking at Luke.

“This Friday it is.”

“This is going horrible,” Reggie whispered to Luke at the girl before they tried to dramatically do a split but ending up awkwardly crawling on the floor.

“Thank you Sara, we’ll get back with you,” Luke spoke as soon as the music stopped, reaching over to press stop on the crappy camera they found deep in Bobby’s studios yesterday.

Luke’s finger slipped and he was too worked up to try and find the button so he simply left the camera one, waving as Sara skipped out from the gym.

“We’ll at least she didn’t puke,” Bobby muttered, still in shock and how easily the one boy had his entire lunch on the gym floor.

“That was a nice touch.”

Luke stood up, slowly walking around the table to stand in front of his other friends.

“This is going horribly! Where are the dancers in this place?”

“Probably on the dance team,” Alex spoke up, smiling sarcastically at Luke.

“How about we go to the vending machine,” Reggie jumped up, easily diffusing the tension from the room as the rest agreed a snack would be nice.

They all made their way from the room, all talking about the different dancers and who they thought might be best.

“Maddie was good, but she couldn’t choreograph an entire team,” Bobby waited as Reggie looked over the different options in the machine.

“I didn’t even think about that,” Luke sighed, slowly becoming more and more annoyed with this whole idea.

“Look-”

Alex was cut off when he heard the faint sound of guitar and drums echoing the halls of the old sad school.

“Does anyone else hear that?”

“What? Reggie’s head turning as he chose between M&M or Hershey's,” Luke felt back, laying on one of the tables in the cafeteria.

“Hey!”

Alex rolled his eyes, following the sound of the music, hearing his own beat and Luke’s voice sing from the gymnasium. He walked slowly, stopping at the double door, looking through the tempered glass at the figure in the room. He heard his friends run from the gym, meeting his side as they all looked in the gym at the same sight.

(Y/N) glided across the floor, her hands held on both sides of her head as she easily slid across the floor in her sweat pants. She moved from that to a split, easily jumping up from that and doing small little kicks to the beat of the music.

“Wow,” Luke watched as the girl threw her head back, eyes closed as she took in the music that the boys knew by heart at this point.

She clapped along with the music, looking as alive with the music as the boys did when they played. Once the beat dropped the girl attempted to spin out, catching her leg the wrong way sending her to the floor.

“Oh no,” Reggie and Alex didn’t waste any time before pushing the double doors open and running to the groaning girls side. Luke and Bobby were hot on their trail, sliding as they all huddled around her.

“Are- are you okay?”

She sat up slightly, holding her knee to her chest with her face showing obviously pain.

“I’m fine- Uhm, does anyone have water?”

Luke didn’t waste time reaching to the “judge” table and taking his own water from the table. He turned back and handed it to her, looking at her with panic in his eye.

“Thank you,” she let out a shaky breath, letting herself calm down while twisting the cap open.

“You really are an amazing dancer,” Bobby commented, thinking now the panic was gone would be a nice time to mention it.

“I was,” she spoke as she looked to her feet, watching her beat up tennis shoes with a clenched jaw.

“Uhm actually he means present tense,” Luke laughed, like the situation was funny. I mean he just watched her glide and smile all with her eyes closed.

She wasn’t even scared of being bad, she knew she was that good.

“Did you miss the fall?”

He knew the attitude wasn’t at him, he knew she had a right to be angry about her whole world changing.

“You were great before the fall,” Reggie spoke in a soft voice, hurt about watching her without permission.

“No, I was better before.” She looked up, taking in the room when her eyes stopped on the video camera that was flashing red light.

“Is that recording?”

Luke looked at the camera, jumping up and stopping the recording. He un- screwed in from the tripod and made his way over to her.

“Watch it,” he held out the video to her but she simply pushed it away.

“No thanks, just delete it,” Luke was shocked, to say the least. She could still dance, like really dance, and she was throwing it away.

“You’re just scared,” he challenged the girl, earning a harsh “Luke” from Alex, warning him not to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole.

“You’d be scared if you went through what I went through,” she spoke hurtfully, righting to say.

Luke thought everything over, he didn’t know much about the injury but that it was a torn muscle in the knee and that was the end of it. But something that tears can technically heal, he just didn’t know how that worked exactly, he hated science class.

“She has a point,” Bobby smiled at the girl, doing his best not to say the wrong thing.

“Well, face your fear!”

“Look what happened when I did,” she motioned for someone to help her up, Reggie giving his shoulder and helping her stand slightly. Her body was obviously still in shock and she was slowly taking his arm.

“We can help you! Join us on the Battle of the Performers,” Luke knew it might come off selfish, but he really wanted to help her fight her fears face first. It must suck not doing what you love, but she had a chance so why not take it?

“Do you know how hard that is to win?” She thought it was funny to say the least. The band was good, she wouldn’t be shocked if she heard them on the radio in a few years with some famous award, but people just as new and good to the scene would come from far and wide for a chance at this competition.

Plus, if they really wanted to win they’d find a dancer who wasn’t broken.

“You’ll find someone better,” she nodded to Reggie and let her leg finally work properly again, thankful she would add.

“Nobody we’ve seen is like you!” He was so close to her face, giving his puppy dog eyes like he would with the others, always getting what he wanted then.

“I’m sorry, but no. Have fun with the scouting.”

She nodded at each boy, slowly making herself excused from the now tender room as Luke felt his dreams walk away.

“She has a right to be scared,” Alex spoke, trying his best to see both sides.

“Yeah, but she needed to punch fear like she wanted to punch the dance team captain,” Luke pouted, looking at the girl who left without another look. He was hoping she’d come back like in those horrible 80′s rom-coms Alex watched so much, but she never came back.

He held the camera in his hand, looking at the tape that sat paused. Her face looked almost scared as she stepped in the gym.

“We’ll find someone Luke,” Bobby set a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder.

“Yeah, but we could have had her.”

so, should i make this a series??

#luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer #julie monlina #julie and the phantoms #jatp x reader

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 1]

Pairing: High school!Spencer Reid x Popular!Reader

Word count: 3.7k (god i don’t shut up do i)

Summary: Spencer begins tutoring you in chemistry, and the two of you bond (I would say no pun intended but fuck it that was GOOD so I’ll say pun intended)

Warning(s): Mentions of bullying, mental illness, some swearing, I made one joke about herpes??? sorry if thats a sore spot with anyone, light angst and pining, Reader POV

Author’s Note: Here it is, folks!! The first official part! I’ so grateful for all the feedback I got on the prologue, I’m glad y’all are liking it, I hope you like this part just as much!! Next part I’m gonna have some baby spencer, and by that I mean whole ass adult spencer that just looks baby

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

You absolutely despised chemistry. It’s boring. It’s simultaneously stupid and ridiculously complicated. You weren’t dumb, you were a decent student in all your other classes, but science was never your strong suit. You preferred literature over litmus paper any day. Unfortunately, your failing grade was bringing down your entire GPA, just below the requirement for you to stay on the cheerleading squad. Your coach recommended you get a tutor, or else you were off the team. So you went to the library to see the peer tutoring program, and all of them were booked. The next best thing would be the kid genius in your class. He was probably a better first choice, honestly, but you figured he’d be booked with other students too.

He wasn’t like other kids in your class, not just because he actually cared and was a good student, he was also twelve years old. The kid was a prodigy. He was bullied a lot because of this because no one really understood him. That’s probably why he looked so terrified when you approached him after class one day.

“Hey, Spencer!”

His eyes grew wide as he stared back at you, saying nothing.

“I was just wondering if you were available for tutoring?”

“Oh, uh, um, y-yeah, in chemistry?”

“Yeah, what are your rates like? Like say we do an hour every other day, how much would that be?”

“Oh! N-no charge.”

“Really?”

“The first couple of sessions can be a trial run, I don’t want your money if you’re not benefiting from it.”

That made you smile, this kid was so nice and you just wished that people actually cared about that instead of the dumb shit they bullied him for. Sure, he was skinny and short and dorky and you know, a literal twelve-year-old boy, but if someone would take time to know him, they’d see he’s a good kid.

“That’s sweet of you, but I don’t wanna waste your time if you have other students.”

“I don’t, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Great! Are you free after school today?”

He nodded and avoided all eye contact before scurrying out of the room to his next class.

~~~

You met up later in the library. You greeted each other politely with simple hi’s and hey’s and nothing more. Then it was time to pour over your books for an hour and try to force the puzzle pieces into place and hope something finally clicked. Balancing molecular equations physically hurt. Just when you thought you got it all right, Spencer reminded you that you still had to balance the oxygen, which was always bonded with something else, which threw off the whole equation. Every time you made a mistake you just let out a groan and set your head on the table.

“It’s a lot of math, a lot of people have a hard time with it, don’t feel bad.”

“I’m so fucking stupid.”

“You’re not! It’s an easy mistake.”

“You don’t make mistakes like that.”

“That’s because I’ve been taking advanced math classes for the past two years, I’m good at this stuff.”

“You’re good at everything, you're a literal genius.”

“There are people who aren’t geniuses who are good at this sort of thing, just look at Johnny Abrams in our class. He answers every question Mrs. Gustin asks and I once saw him put his backpack on his car’s roof and start driving ‘cuz he forgot it was there. He’s just been practicing. That’s why we’re here, right?”

He always reassured you. Always told you that you weren’t stupid. You weren’t dumb. He always smiled when you got questions right and told you you were doing a good job. When your hour was up, you said goodbye and went home. 

Spencer’s mini lectures aside, most of your sessions were sparse in the conversation department. The first time he went off on a side about some chemistry facts, you couldn’t keep up. You just sat there, jaw hanging while he went into detail about saponification, which wasn’t even in this lesson.

“Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Did we learn that in class? Cuz if we did, I’m screwed.”

“No, not yet at least.”

“How do you just… know that?”

Spencer avoided your eyes once again, something he did more than spouting random facts, “I read a lot.”

That’s how it happened the first time. All it took was you asking one question about different types of reactions for him to launch into another spiel. You figured you’d have to know it at some point, so you started writing down whatever you could catch from his fast-paced speech, taking notes in bullet points.

“And that-- Oh. Y-You don’t need to do that, that’s not even on the curriculum.”

“Well, I gotta keep up with you somehow, right?” You glanced up from your page and flashed an almost challenging smirk as you saw him stifle a smile as he avoided all eye contact with you, as per usual. He then cleared his throat and got back to the actually assigned chapter.

The more he went off on tangents, the more he realized you weren’t stopping him. He was actually able to make chemistry sound interesting to you, which is strange, but it was easier to understand through how he explained it all. Something told you that he wasn’t used to having someone listen to what he said, because he just lit up when he talked about this stuff. He was clearly passionate about it, so why would you make him feel bad about it? He always apologized, but you always reassured him it was no big deal. 

You didn’t know it at the time, but the kid was falling hard. This pretty, older girl was paying attention to him and didn’t think he was annoying? The bar may have been on the floor for young Spencer, but you were perfect to him. Eventually, he was able to look you in the eyes when you spoke to one another, he even smiled at you when you joked with him. That was another thing: you joked with one another now. You both warmed up to one another as your sessions continued. You said hi to each other in the hallways, you ruffled his hair as a greeting, he accepted your high-five requests every time you got something right.

You still didn’t talk outside of class much, which is why he was caught so far off guard by you calling his name from across the cafeteria as you approached his table.

“Hey, dude! Is it cool if we squeeze in an extra session today? I got a test tomorrow.”

“Y-Yeah, no problem, but, uh, it’s Thursday. Don’t you have practice after school?”

You did. And you had to be there because you had a competition this weekend.

“Yeah, I was wondering if we could meet after?”

“When does it end?”

“Five.”

“Library closes at four.”

“I know, but would it be too much of a hassle if I just… Pick you up tonight and we head back to my house to study?”

You could physically see his brain shut down in his eyes. After he realized he needed to respond, he picked his jaw up off the floor and gulped hard.

“Or you can stay after and hang out at practice and I can just drive you home?”

“Y-Yeah, um, yeah, tha-that works, I can, uh, yeah, we can do that.”

Spencer brought his books and homework and tried his hardest to not make it obvious he was staring at you while you danced. You looked like you were having so much fun and he loved seeing you happy and smiling with your friends like that, it was hard for him to look away and focus long enough to read a sentence, which is saying something, considering it does not take him long to read a sentence. 

After practice wrapped up, you told him to go wait by your car while you changed out of your uniform. The girls in the locker room were talking just as loudly as always, only this time, it was about something you actually cared about hearing.

“I mean, really, what was that little creep doing watching us today?” You heard one girl sneer.

“So fucking gross, I don’t wanna know where his prepubescent head was.” Another girl laughed.

You had to step in. You had to say something.

“I’m his ride home. He’s my chemistry tutor and I have a test tomorrow, so back off the kid, he didn’t do shit to you anyway.”

The squad learned to watch their mouths around you after that.

~~~

The neon glow of the golden arches shone through your car’s windows as you pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru line.

“This isn’t your house,” noted Spencer, sounding confused.

You grinned, “Oh, shit… no way! Wow! I’m so glad my tutor is a genius! I would have never guessed this was not my family home!”

He let himself laugh for a moment, “Okay, okay, fine. Why are we here?”

“Uh… to get food? Duh.”

“But what about your food at home?”

“My mom’s visiting my dad, he works in D.C., and I haven’t gotten a chance to go grocery shopping this week, so I can’t cook for you. What do you want?”

“You don’t have to get me anything.”

“No, I insist, it’s almost dinner time. Lemme get you something. As a thank you for squeezing in an extra cramming sesh?”

“It’s fine! Really.”

“Hey, Reid, come on,” you attempt to stifle a stupid giggle as you gesture to the rather large window displaying the playroom inside, “you are a guest in my home!”

Spencer shakes his head and chuckles, but doesn’t dare let you think he found you funny, “I’ll have chicken nuggets.”

“Happy meal?”

He tried to look offended at your clarification, but he quickly dropped the facade, “Yes. Extra fries, please.”

“Of course, buddy.” You pulled up further to the ordering station, catching a glimpse at the menu and the ads they had displayed on it, “Oh no way! They have Strawberry Shortcake toys! I used to collect those when I was a kid!”

Spencer saw the look on your face and couldn’t help but smile at your childlike excitement, “Do you want my happy meal toy?”

You bit your lip and hesitated before throwing all shame to the wind and saying yes. Because it was Spencer. He got excited over chemistry, he had no right to judge you on your old Strawberry Shortcake doll collection.

After you got your food, you drove back to your house, and you ate together at your kitchen island while Spencer quizzed you on the last chapter. He had asked you eighteen questions so far, and you had answered all of them correctly. 

“Okay, this last one is for the Strawberry Shortcake--”

“Her name is Orange Blossom.”

“Whatever, this last one is for the Orange Blossom toy: Which type of reaction is represented by this equation?” He showed you his notebook where he had written a molecular equation.

“Substitution.”

“Correct! Now balance it.”

Your shoulders slouched as the pride drained from your body.

“Please don’t make me.”

“This is going to be on the test, Y/N, you have to know it.”

“What’s one wrong question, really?”

“You and I both know she’s not going to put just one balancing question on the test.”

“Fine.” You grumbled, grabbing a pencil and sliding his notebook closer to you. You worked it out after a few minutes, but everything looked right, and judging by Spencer’s proud grin, everything was.

He reached for the figurine, still in the plastic bag, and handed it to you, “You’re gonna do great tomorrow, Y/N.”

You took Orange Blossom from his hands and danced around the kitchen with it, overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of confidence you gained from nailing this practice session. You heard Spencer’s small laugh from behind you, causing you to turn around and face the boy as he lovingly mocked you.

Studying at your place became a regular thing after that, even when your mom was home. She loved him. She always invited him for dinner if she was home. He rarely took her up on the offer, but it was nice having him around the house with you. Study sessions turned into just plain hanging out. You spent more time bonding over Doctor Who than chemistry some nights, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

~~~

When Alexa Lisben invited him to meet her at the football field you were skeptical. You had good reason to be. She was never very nice to you or Spencer. You were able to be civil with her for the sake of the cheerleading squad, but something about her just didn’t sit right with you. You tried to warn him, but he wouldn’t listen. He seemed offended at the notion that Alexa would do something horrible to him. How dare you imply that the only reason someone would be interested in him would be to pull a fucked up prank?

“I’m not like you, Y/N, I don’t have a line of people waiting around for a date, no one’s ever had a crush on me before, and-and now that someone other than you is being nice to me, you’re telling me that they have some sort of ulterior motive?”

“Spencer. I know these girls, I’ve seen the guys they go for--”

“And I’m not like them?”

“No! You’re a sweet kid, you’re nothing like those guys and they’re gonna take advantage of that.”

“I really wish everyone would stop saying I’m just a kid!”

“You’re not! That came out wrong--”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m going whether you want me to or not, so if you really want to keep babying me, by all means, stay after and wait with me.”

“I don’t wanna baby you!”

“So stop it!”

You didn’t want to fight with him anymore, you weren’t his mother. “Ok, Spencer, fine. I’m sorry. You should go. How about you meet me in the library after and you can tell me all about it over McDonald’s? My treat.”

He warmed up and agreed.

So you waited in the library until four, and then you started to get worried. You went to grab something from your gym locker before you left to look for him and heard some girls from the squad gossiping about “the little dork.” Your blood started to boil as you heard the way they talked about Spencer. Your jaw only clenched harder as you recognized one of the girls’ voices as Alexa Lisben’s.

You poked your head around the lockers that divided the aisles and tried to manage a calm voice, “Hey Alexa? Spencer actually said he was meeting up with you today, do you know where he is?”

She just laughed and said, “I can’t believe you actually care about that loser.”

“He’s my friend.” All attempts to remain level-headed were tossed aside, “Where the fuck is he, what did you do to him?”

You could feel yourself starting to cry. It’s your fault, you weren’t there, you tried to warn him, but now you don’t know where he is or what he’s thinking or--

“Check the field.”

You sprinted out to the football field and saw him stripped down to his briefs, blindfolded, and tied to a goal post. You could kill Alexa. You actually considered turning right around and unleashing hell on that locker room, but your friend needed help. He was crying so hard he didn’t hear you coming until you called his name. You immediately went to untie him and grab his clothes from the fence beside him.

“You were right.” He sniffled, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m not mad, I’m sorry, I should have been there, I could have helped you--”

“No, you couldn’t. There were too many people.”

“How many were there? Who did this?”

“Y/N, please--”

“No, Spencer, tell me what happened.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it!”

You know when to stop, so you just shut your mouth while he got dressed, “Get in the car, I’m taking you home.”

You didn’t say a word to him as he buckled his seatbelt and you could tell he appreciated it. You just drove to McDonald’s and got him his usual. You parked in the parking lot and ate your food in almost silence, save for the radio in the background.

“You don’t have to tell me what exactly happened, you could pretend none of this ever happened, I won’t mind, it’s okay, but I just need you to know, Spencer, say the word and she’s dead. I have so much dirt on her, you have no idea, I can destroy her.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay, I won’t. At least give me names. I will personally make sure none of those boys ever get a date again.”

“Y/N, please.”

“I’m serious, I’ll tell everyone they have herpes.”

“I know you are and that’s what scares me, please don’t, I don’t wanna make things worse.”

You decide to drop it because if he doesn’t wanna talk about it, he needs a distraction.

After you finish your food, you ask him “Your house or mine?”

“Yours. Please.”

You drove back to your house and got yourselves set up on the couch in front of the TV, turning on an episode of Doctor Who that you had recorded. You made him popcorn as he curled up on your couch, clutching a pillow. You were mostly quiet for the rest of the night, but when you did talk, it was to ask him a question about the show or if any of the science was accurate. It was the best you could do to keep him mind off things. Eventually, he fell asleep and you felt too bad to wake him. He got up by himself around midnight, jolting awake as if from a nightmare, and considering how the last few hours had been for him, it probably was one.

“Hey, bud, I’m here, it’s me.” You didn’t touch him, knowing he got overstimulated sometimes when he got really stressed, but he felt around for you on the couch next to him, needing to know you were really there this time. You patted his hand when it reached across the cushion for you.

“What time is it?”

“Way too late for you to be here, let’s get you home.”

He nodded, slowly rising to his feet and looking for his backpack, which you reminded him he had left in the car. Your hand hovered above his head for a moment before he lazily drifted into you as he walked. You took this as an okay to touch him, so you ruffled his hair before loosely slinging an arm around his shoulders as you guided him to your car.

The drive back to Spencer’s wasn’t too long, thankfully, because you were sure his parents would be furious with him and the kid’s been through enough today. You wanted to take all the heat without making them think you kidnapped him. The lights were still on when you pulled into the driveway. They were probably worried sick about him.

When you knocked on the door, a frantic woman with short blonde hair opened it. When she saw Spencer, she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the house, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Who are you? What are you doing with my son?”

“He didn’t do anything wrong, Mrs. Reid. I’m Y/N, he’s been tutoring me.”

“How do you know me? Spencer, what did you tell her?” She looked at him and back at you, “Get off my property and stay away from us!”

“Mom, she’s a fr--”

“Go up to your room, don’t come out.” She didn’t sound like an angry parent reprimanding her son, she sounded almost... scared.

A million alarms were going off in your head, and you needed to try to get through to her, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, he was helping me study and we lost track of time, it’s not his fault.”

“I don’t care, I don’t know you, get off my property!”

You decided it was best not to argue, so you hurried back to your car and drove home as quickly as possible so you could shower and go to bed and pray that Spencer would be okay tonight.

~~~

Your phone rang early the next morning. You rolled out of bed to answer it, sprinting to the hall table to take it off the stand. Checking the caller ID, you realized it was from a number you didn’t recognize. Answering it, you heard Spencer’s voice on the other side.

“Hello, this is Spencer, is Y/N home?”

“Yes, you woke me up on a Saturday morning, where else am I gonna be, kid?” Your voice was scratchy as you struggled to fight off the sleep still clawing at your throat.

“Sorry about that. I was just calling to apologize for last night.”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“N-No, I’m not in trouble, I just wanted to explain why my mother was all--”

“She was worried, I get it.”

“N- she… My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic, she doesn’t do well with strangers. She doesn’t even remember what she said to you last night, she was having one of her episodes. She was just confused.”

You didn’t know how to respond. You were so shocked by his sudden revelations, you just stayed silent. You didn’t want him to think he scared you, so you had to say something. And apparently, that something was “Oh.”

“She wanted to apologize, but she’s just a bit embarrassed, so I called for her.”

“N-No, it’s okay, I…” It was suddenly so hard to say you understood because while it made sense to you, you wouldn’t fully understand what he or his mom was going through, you didn’t understand it, but Spencer didn’t seem to mind. He was just glad it didn’t bother you. After the events of yesterday, he couldn’t afford to lose you.

“Tell her I’m sorry I scared her.”

“Will do. She said you could come over so she could apologize personally and meet her if you want.”

“I’d love to. And Spence?”

You felt him take pause. You never called him that before, “Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t wanna scare you.”

“You wouldn’t scare me, dude, you can tell me anything.”

“Really?”

“I promise. I’ll see you Monday?”

Spencer nodded, but you couldn’t see him, so he spoke up through the lump in his throat, “See you Monday.”

Taglist ~~~~~~

(Lmk if you wanna be added!!)

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @baby-pogue @rottenearly

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #mgg #mgg fanfiction #mgg x reader #mgg smut #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #cm #cm fan fiction #cm imagine

[mtraki]

Brain chemistry is messing with me... got me in the bad feels looking at dark roads... So let’s try and drag ourselves out of it through hyperfixation!  It’s time to rant about Agent 47′s brain chemistry-- specifically all the serums and antidotes that artificially change it! (It’s a rant... I won’t take up space on your dashboard scroll if you don’t want to see it, but if you do, please check out under the cut.  Spoilers for the comics and Hitman Season 2-3 are unmarked...)

The focus of the rant is thus: “Exactly what did Ether’s antidote do?” ‘That’s easy, MT,’ I hear you tell me, ‘It brought back 47′s memories that were wiped by Ort-Meyer before he escaped the lab.’ Forgive me, strawman Reader, (but as always, thank you for your faithful engagement) but I don’t think it’s that simple...  Maybe because I overthink things, or maybe because the details aren’t adding up... Let’s discuss. In the cutscene in HITMAN 2 (Hitman Season 2) ‘Long Shot’, Olivia and Lucas provide a syringe from Ether Biotech Corporation.  According to their information, Ort-Meyer’s estate and his research were granted to the corporation (through Providence) after his passing.  The syringe is supposed to be an antidote to what Ort-Meyer used to wipe 47′s memory.  Using the syringe, 47 is able to remember Janus, the first Constant of Providence, so they can go get his info on the Partners... and kill him. ‘Yes, MT,’ you say, ‘so it’s easy.  The answer is right there.’ Well, please bear with me... In the next cutscene ‘Gifts and Curses’, our leading ladies Diana and Olivia are doing the real work (tracking Janus’s coffin) while our lads are being moody.  Lucas asks 47 if he’s all right and 47 says, “It comes back in flashes.  Fear.  Anger.  But like it happened to someone else.” Later, in ‘Precautions’, Lucas and Diana talk about how Lucas has feelings about the things he’s done, and 47 does not-- a parallel is drawn between these feelings and “having a conscience”. In ‘The Ark Society’ mission, on the Isle of Sgàil, as you’re marching Arthur Edwards, the Constant you are abducting, to the harbor, he’ll fish around for information by giving some of his own.  For the purposes of my rant, there is an exchange I want to focus on: Edwards: “...Your murdered him [Janus] to get to me.” 47: “Not just that.  He had it coming.” Edwards: “Interesting.  It was my impression that you were cured of such... sentiment.  The ‘good doctor’ built his serum specifically to target the seats of your emotions.  Has Miss Burnwood’s sense of justice rubbed off on you, I wonder?” This is where I feel the need to stop and point out that there are TWO DIFFERENT SERUMS at play here, that were forced on 47 at TWO DIFFERENT TIMES in his forgotten past.  This is shown in the comic series. SERUM #1) This serum was given in 1989, after 47 and 6 failed to take over the Institute.  47 sacrificed himself so 6 could escape (though he was presumed dead) and instead of being killed like he expected, due to pressure from Janus (who spoke as Constant for the Partners of Providence) Ort-Meyer instead used a serum to stifle his and the remaining clones’ emotions.  This one was an injection to the neck (like the antidote).  Here are his exact words: “I gave you something most people lack: a true purpose.  And you cast it aside.  For some misguided dream of freedom.  Why?” “It’s that storm inside you.  All those feelings I fought so hard to lock away.  Raging, driving you.  So now I must wipe them out entirely.  A small chemical insult designed to target the amygdala, the hypothalamus, the cingulate gyrus.  The seats of emotion.  I’ve just sawed the legs off them.  Do you understand, 47?” “Your memories remain intact.  But now they’re a series of events with no significance.” The effects of this serum were devastating.  With the singular exception of 47, every other clone more or less lost the will to live.  They died of starvation, dehydration, infected bed sores... losing any and all motivation for anything.  Meanwhile, 47 became an apex predator of murder, stating that the opportunity to complete the assassinations handed down by Providence through Ort-Meyer were the reason he went through each day.  He had a hand in the deaths of a good number of clones, either via poisoning or smothering. SERUM #2) This serum was given in 1998 (that’s nine years after the first one) after Providence demands Ort-Meyer give them 47 as the only success of his very expensive perceived failure.  Ort-Meyer gives this serum, without the permission of Providence, very specifically so that 47 will not remember him to assassinate him.  This serum is given orally, and through a hose and pump apparatus.  Here are his exact words: “I only need one more day, and a moment alone.” (This is included strictly to point out that 47 must have escaped that exact same day) “I raised you as my own.  Taught you everything you needed to thrive in this fallen world.  And now I have to take it all away.  You would come after me.  It’s the only way I can be free from having to watch over my shoulder for the rest of my life.  It feels like drowning at first.  Don’t struggle.  I’m going to make you perfect.  Now you have all the potential in the world.” 47 wakes up later to the voice of Ort-Meyer over the intercom.  He implicitly trusts the voice, as he knows nothing else.  He knows about the existence of nothing outside of the room and the voice.  He starts making associations as he goes on, and points out that he understands how some things work (”The mechanics of breathing, the science that makes remotely operated restraints possible.”) and the justifications behind their existence (”Somewhere deep down, I even understand the need for them.”).  As he makes his escape, he observes that their is familiarity in the sensations of killing.  Out in the world, he continues killing on his own for about a year, claiming that his work is his only indulgence and that he doesn’t need things, friends, or stories.  He does also claim to have a few stray memories that haunt him-- elicit emotional responses in him (which we also see in Absolution with the whole “doctors” flashbacks). Edwards should not know about the mind-wiping, and his dialogue does not betray that he does.  Lucas apparently knows about both, but I’m going to attribute this to “Lucas became personally invested in learning what happened to 47 specifically after learning he was alive and working for ICA, so put the pieces together once he stole the data from Providence” because he wasn’t around for either serum.  Meanwhile, Edwards doesn’t have many reasons to worry about 47 until he starts trying to use his past as a lure for Diana.  Because his angle is to eventually reveal that it was 47 (AND 6... they were on the job together, per the comics) who killed her parents, and the fact that that juicy reveal would hurt that much more if he could reveal it as something 47 knowingly hid from her... I don’t think he’d go out of his way to discredit Janus’s reporting on the situation that only the first serum was given, and something else happened that allowed 47 to escape into the wild.  Janus is apparently Edwards’s beloved mentor, after all. ‘MT,’ I hear you say, ‘You’re rambling.  What’s the point here?’ The point is that 47, a man who does not mince words, makes the observation, when asked, that he remembers fear and anger.  These are the things that stand out to him in his memories.  The emotions.  This is in violation of the first serum’s properties as well as the second. Now, why is this happening?  Perhaps the first serum has an effective lifespan, and perhaps it’s wearing off.  Perhaps 47′s human (arguably superhuman, per some sources) brain is adapting to make necessary associations despite the “chemical insult”. Or... was this antidote supposed to also be an antidote for the first serum?  It is noteworthy that 47 starts behaving in ways that suggest more emotionally-driven motivations after the antidote is given-- at least it seems that way to me.  This seems especially the case at the very end of HITMAN 3 (Season 3), ‘Untouchable’, when 47 is confronted with his guilt, with his feelings about what he perceives Diana’s thoughts and feelings to be, and with his choice in the end concerning Edwards in the final confrontation.  No matter what he chooses, he owns his choice and all the baggage and consequences that come with it.  At the very end, in the cutscene 'New Deal', he tells Diana that he isn’t ‘Agent 47′ anymore.  That he chooses this path because he can. Perhaps I’m very much misunderstanding the themes, here, but 47 not remembering his past never struck me as something that held him back from choosing something else.  It has always been his inability to connect with others in any way outside of infiltrating their spaces and killing them... with very, very few exceptions... that has kept him from choosing a path outside of murder-for-hire (perfectly executed, of course ;) )  So I’m left at the end with the conclusion that 47 is now able to operate as his own conscience because he now has a... mostly usable independent sense of morality-- which requires a certain level of empathy. So... again: what’s the deal with the antidote?  Is it two-in-one?  This would be fine, (Okay, not really, I would then have to rant about how this only makes sense as a convenient plot device because for which person BESIDES Agent 47 would such an antidote be useful unless they also work with the first serum... and oh boy IMPLICATIONS... I know we keep crashing their stock but can we crash their production too?) except the antidote is only referenced as working to return 47′s memory... and his ‘warmer’ dialogues through the end of 2 and into 3 with his allies is simply treated as matter of course-- nobody points it out. I don’t know if this is a problem with my perspective, the writing, or what... But it seems like Lucas knows and doesn’t know about both serums at the same time (he comments specifically about 47 remembering things... but not him behaving more emotionally engaged)... Or like the games smooshed both serums together while the comics had them separate.  This isn’t like the whole “we don’t talk about Absolution though we do wink and nod that it mostly happened in canon” thing.  The comics were written as a companion for the HITMAN: World of Assassination trilogy! I know how I’m treating it for 'Monstrous’ (because if I don’t, I’ll go crazy and rage-quit the fic) but it still bothers me...  Anybody got any ideas?  Nuggets of lore I missed?  Am I the only one stressing out about this??

#my mic #agent 47 #hitman #lucas grey #world of assassination #MT is ranting #I know I overthink #13th #April #2021 #April 13th 2021

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Characters in ANF Who Would’ve Made Better Love Interests Than Kate

There are a lot of mixed opinions on TWDG: A New Frontier. Some people like it, some don’t, and some people hate it so much that they refuse to accept as canon in the series. Extreme? Yeah, but hey, to each their own. 

One thing that always bothers me when I do my replay of the series and this game is how much Kate is forced on us and even kinda punishes us for not romancing her. Like, no offense, but I’m not really interested in dating my sister-in-law, especially when her husband is actually alive, and even if she wasn’t my brother’s wife, she’s still not a character I have chemistry with, y’know? 

And every time I play, I can’t help but think that almost anyone else in ANF would’ve been a better romantic interest for Javi over Kate, so I decided to make that the list for this week. 

I would’ve loved more choices and for the game to actually show Javi’s canon bisexuality outside of a flirty line with Jesus that most players didn’t even pick. Just sayin’.

I do want to note that if you enjoy the romance with Kate and the relationship between her and Javi, that’s totally cool. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean you can’t ship them, y’know? I’m not here to try to change your mind or tell you you’re bad for shipping something I don’t because I’m not a dingus. You do what makes you happy, friend. :)

Besides, going off the stats, a majority of players romanced her so if anything, I’m the weirdo. This list is just for fun! 

Before we start, just wanna say a big thank you to @pi-creates​ for helping out with this one! Really appreciate it! Now, here are my top 5 characters who, in my opinion, would’ve made better love interests for Javier than Kate.

5. Jane if the writers didn’t turn her into a dead potato

Oh man, you should see your face right now. 

Wait, wait, stop! Before you click outta here in a huff with your “Kenny good Jane bad” grunts and come yell at me, just hear me out-- this entry is mostly a joke and the other four on this list are serious, okay? 

I needed someone to put at #5 and after talking over some options and going back and forth.... Jane came up as a joke and then kind of made the list. Because really, I thought about it. I was like, “Would I really rather have dingdong “whatever happens stay out of it” potato face Jane as a love interest over Kate? Do I dislike Kate as an option that much?” and Pi and I talked about this for a while and yeah.... yeah I would actually. 

When I said anyone but Kate, I guess I really meant anyone. 

Trust me, I know, I’m just as surprised. I guess this really says a lot about my feelings for Kate. I didn’t know I disliked her this much either.

But for fun, let’s entertain this idea of the writers NOT pulling the ol’ character assassination on Jane and she made it to Richmond with Clementine and AJ because--

Jane: "One time I ate glass because I was drunk and thought it was sugar."

Javier: "I gambled on my own baseball matches and disgraced myself for money."

Jane: “Well, I dragged my little sister around with me after everything went to shit until I finally gave her what she wanted and left her to die.”

Javier: “I wasn’t there when my dad was fighting cancer and when I finally showed up, I was too late and he was already dead, then he turned and I bashed his skull in with a piece of wood.” 

Jane: “I shot a dude’s dick off once.”

Javier: “Oof. I insulted an old lady’s cake and then shot her eye out.”

Jane: “I screwed a guy when I was supposed to be securing a place for some lady to have her baby and it resulted in the death of a teenage girl.”

Javier: “I screwed my brother’s wife.” 

Jane: “...”

Javier: “In my defense, I thought he was dead.” 

Jane: “That’s fair.”

Clementine, exasperated and emo: “Oh my god.” 

....I mean... we might be onto something here, c’mon--

Okay, now onto the more legit entries. 

4. Conrad

Now listen... I know, okay? I know. I know this one can be seen as a bit problematic considering the fact that Conrad, in his grief and anger over Francine’s death, held a gun to Gabe’s head and threatened Javi and Clementine.... plus Javi can literally murder him.

...and if you don’t do anything, Conrad with murder both Gabe and Javi and you’ll get a “YOU ARE DEAD” screen...

But we don’t talk about that because it’s not canon.

I know, but listen... I’m allowed to have ships that are difficult, as are you, and this is my list so... there.

If Conrad was a love interest that’s the route I’d take because I love him and I think a relationship between him and Javi could’ve been so damn good if properly done.

I just find Conrad to be an interesting character with a great arc that you only get to see if you don’t shoot him... which is what most people did, so they missed out. And like, I get it, I get why y’all shot him but maybe next time you play, you could consider not doing that?

So here’s the thing, Javi and Conrad share something-- they both lost loved ones because of shithead Badger. Javi is heartbroken after Mariana’s death, Conrad is devastated after Francine’s death, and they both handle that in different ways. Conrad becomes so focused on revenge and getting into Richmond, that he’s willing to threaten two kids in order to get what he wants but the thing is... that’s not him.

He even says so himself when you keep him alive-- he genuinely apologizes for what happened and will end up coming back to save Javi’s life in ep4. The potential for this to work as a relationship? It’s there... the only problem is that my confidence in the writers handling something like this is low, but let’s pretend they used their time and brains wisely-- ya got yourself a classic slow-burn friends to enemies to friends again to lovers romance and I’m here for it. 

3. Paul “Jesus” Monroe

A lot of people really like the idea of Javi and Jesus and wanted him to be a romantic option, and I don’t blame them. They have chemistry in the scenes they share, and Javi can straight up flirt with him at the end of the season, and it’s super cute... of course, I wish we had more but Telltale was too scared to actually show Javi’s bisexuality outside of that one line, I guess.

But, anyway, this ship has a lot of sweet fanart that we love to see.

The only real reason he isn’t higher on the list is that Jesus is apparently already in a relationship at this point? I guess? From what I’ve been told? Listen, I don’t read the comics, I don’t watch the show, I just go off what y’all tell me. Plus, I believe Kent joked about Jesus having someone in each community during the commentaries so like... that’s a thing?

But let’s pretend that we throw that all out and Jesus is single and ready to be in a committed relationship with our boy Javier here. Like I mentioned above, these characters have a believable chemistry from the moment they meet and I think that has a lot to do with how charming they are by themselves. Those different charms work well together.

I also enjoy how much of a badass Jesus is when it comes to fighting off walkers. Javi has a lot of force that you feel with each hit, while Jesus almost has a lighter but just as impactful hit? I dunno if I’m explaining that well-- basically, Javi strong but Jesus can bounce off walls and do cool shit with weapons that feels effortless.

It’s a combo of fighting styles that I love, so these two fighting together? *chef kiss*

There’s also Jesus’ morality and how he wants to see Javier make “good” decisions, y’know? Sure, he gets pissy if you murder the shit outta Badger, which is mostly just Telltale showing you consequences, but I get it. He sees a lot of potential in Javi, more than Javi himself sees. And unlike certain characters, Jesus doesn’t completely hate you for doing something he doesn’t agree with to a frustrating degree.

If the game gave us the option to pursue Jesus as a love interest, he and Javier would’ve been such a badass couple with a sweet romance.

2. Eleanor

This one might come as a surprise to those of you who know my feelings about Eleanor... as in, I don’t like her. I never forgave her for the shit she pulled in ep4/ep5, and now every time I replay ANF and she shows up? Well, all I really hear is the hissing of a snake.

But, putting those feelings aside and looking at her from a different perspective, I do believe that she would’ve made for a better love interest than Kate assuming that if you romanced her, she wouldn’t rat everyone out to Joan, y’know?

Hell, most people believed that Eleanor was going to be the second option with Kate back when the episodes were coming out, and for good reason. The chemistry is there in the flirting, and their relationship could’ve been super cute.

Of course, Eleanor being a love interest also comes with things becoming awkward with Tripp, but c’mon-- as awkward as pursuing a relationship with your sister-in-law and never telling your brother after finding out he’s alive? Nah, I don’t think so.

Plus, for the first three episodes, Eleanor’s not a bad character. In fact, she’s pretty damn likable, she deeply cares for the group and wants to use her medical skills for good.

And you can tell through the dialogue that she and Javi are fond of one another... well, I guess until they shove the Kate thing in our faces and suddenly Eleanor’s like “oh, I thought you two were a thing??” like... Eleanor, we were flirting and I totally rejected all of Kate’s advances last episode I mean??

If she were a love interest, instead of turning on us, she would... y’know, not do that and instead help us out. We have a couple cute moments like back in ep1 where she’s patching Javi up but this time with a smooch? Super cute.

1. Tripp

Okay but seriously, why wasn’t Tripp a love interest? 

He’s the perfect option. I just-- uuuughhhhh. 

They already have a great believable bromance, so why not take it a step further and make it an official romance? Oh wait, that’s right, ya gotta kill off 95% of your determinant characters, I forgot. Sorry Tripp. 

Well, fuck that. Out of all the other adult characters, Javi has the most chemistry with this man. I believe them more than I believe him and Kate. Sure, they got off to a rocky start the progression of their relationship felt natural with every episode. 

That scene where Tripp is confiding in Javi about his feelings for Eleanor? And in turn, Javi can confide in him about Kate? One of my favorite scenes. I only wish there was an option to tell Tripp he can do much better and set the path for the romance. 

Seriously, I’d probably feel more okay about the romance with Kate if Tripp were the second option. That way, Kate wouldn’t be so forced onto the player, the writers confirming Javi’s bisexuality on Twitter or whatever wouldn’t feel like they were trying to earn points without actually showing representation, and we would’ve gotten the beauty that is Javier and Tripp. 

Also, then Tripp could make it to the end without dying that dumb death of his that no one likes. 

And if I haven’t convinced you yet, then look at these swaps Pi did--

--and tell me they aren’t fucking perfect?? You can’t, because look at them. 

Where’s my Tripp route, Telltale??

---

Honorable Mentions

-If I wasn’t sticking to just ANF characters, Luke probably would’ve made the list because that’s apparently a popular combo and I dig it.  -Pudding... because Javi fucking loves pudding.  -Honestly Max probably would’ve been a better love interest than Kate oof--

---

So, whattya think? Do you agree with this top 5 or nah? Do you have a favorite Javi ship? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you. :D

Next week’s T5F Top 5 Times Lee was the Absolute Best

#twdg t5f #twdg javi #twdg javier #twdg kate #twdg gabe #twdg mariana #twdg clementine #twdg tripp #twdg conrad #twdg eleanor #twdg jane #twdg kenny #twdg jesus