#bts female versions

[tooboredsblog]

#girlblog aesthetic #girlblogging #bts jungkook #lana del rey vinyl #vintage americana #1989 taylor's version #taylor swift #lana del ray aka lizzy grant #eren yeaget smut #miguel ohara #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #female manipulator #female hysteria #femcel

[here2bbtstrash]

Listen all I want is to be Yoonji's pretty subby baby.

PLEASE. please. i want to call her unnie. i want her to spit in my mouth. slap me in the face. choke me. tie my hands behind my back. edge me and then overstim me until i'm non-verbal. wear her strap and fuck me in front of the mirror, so hard my head bangs against the glass with each thrust. then call me a good girl when she's finished with me. AHHHHHHH I GO CRAZY FOR THIS WOMAN AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST LMAO FUCK

#anonymous #y'all thought simping over BTS was as bad as it gets #try simping over their fictional female versions lmaooooo #i will never know peace 😩

[solecize]

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you welcome your boyfriend back to the country with a surprise party, just as the clock is ticking to say goodbye again. the big day is almost here and enlistment brings couples either one of two things: a ring or a breakup.  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), infidelity, foul language, substance use, underage drinking, mentions of the covid-19 pandemic, sexually suggestive content  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. the series is told in non-chronological order. note that the main character is a member of a fictional idol group. more warnings may be added as the story is written. join the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤm.list | next

you say, "i don't understand, " and i say, "i know you don't" we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

TODAY’S TOP HEADLINE: bts’ rm, jimin, taehyung and jungkook set to enlist in the coming weeks! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤautumn 2023

the confrontation   when it rained, it poured and you felt like you haven't seen even a glimpse of the sun in ages. there was a nagging feeling in your gut that it was too far gone, but like everything else for the past ten years, you swallowed it down and swept it under the rug. bad feelings didn’t exist in your relationship. that was the unspoken rule. yet, it was growing more and more difficult to mask the disappointment in your eyes or the frown fighting your lips. today marked the worst of your attempts.

  seoul was unusually calm tonight and it scared you. when you moved to the city ages ago to begin your journey as an idol trainee, it was nothing but intimidating for your meek, pre-teen self. eventually, over time, your love for the city bloomed and it was truthfully because of jungkook. once young teenagers that arrived to seoul alone, you found solace in each other and embraced the change as one. he made you fall in love with seoul the same way he made you fall in love with him. dates, nightclubs, late night adventures, and years worth of moments within the city limits. 

  however, the streets were as hushed as you were, as you gripped your steering wheel like a robot. 

  the decision had been long made and you knew it was going to come around at some point, so there was no use in fighting it. after going without seeing your boyfriend for months, it should have been nothing but pure excitement.

  “you’re awfully quiet,” murmured jungkook, glancing over at you from the passenger seat.

  you were already annoyed to begin with, when he mentioned that he was going to have a driver pick him up from the airport, instead of asking for you. it felt like he didn’t even expect to have you waiting for him, considering the two of you had been apart due to his time working in the united states. you thought he’d be insisting for you to be the first person he saw once he came back. these frustrations were on top of several other things, which you’d been dreading to confront for even longer of a time.

  and then, there was also the velvet box you spotted in the background of one of your facetime calls. you didn’t bring it up, but it was living in your mind everyday since. with jungkook’s big day fast approaching, there were a lot of conflicting ideas in your head.

  you shrugged. “i’ve been filming long hours. not getting that much sleep.”

  the look jungkook gave you read that he knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes returned to being fixated on his phone.

  after over ten years of knowing each other, you and jungkook could see through each other like glass. the only problem was that nobody ever wanted to speak up. you feared the glaring possibility of other buried conflict dating further back into the relationship because of this dynamic.

  you didn’t think you deserved the blame for the tension in the air. there were several things in your mind, but jungkook wasn’t exactly a person who could easily mask their emotions. something was off with him, too, and you needed to figure out what it was. you could only hope for the best case scenario because otherwise, it was going to be your worst nightmare. there was no situation you could fathom where his behaviour was a result of an in between. 

  keeping your voice casual, you asked, “who are you texting?”

  “my mom.”

  you held back a sigh - jungkook was never particularly keen on involving you with his family. though you’d been together since he was sixteen, you always felt like he kept you an arm’s reach away from that part of your life and you never understood why.

  “oh. tell her i say hi,” you said and he hummed in response. 

  whilst you weren’t in a talkative mood, it wasn’t like jungkook was doing anything to keep the conversation flowing either. you guys obviously texted and called during his time away, but the present atmosphere was awkward, like there was nothing to talk about after his grand return. you hugged and kissed at the airport, asked how his flight was, and that was that. driving him felt like a business endeavour, rather than welcoming your long-term partner back to the country.

  after a few minutes, jungkook finally looked up from his phone. upon peering out the window, he grew confused and turned to you.

  he questioned, “where are we going? the apartment is in the other direction.”

  “just wait,” you assured, forcing a small smile. “take off your hoodie and put on what i have for you in the backseat.”

  there was a shopping bag sitting behind jungkook’s seat and he reluctantly reached over, revealing a silk ysl shirt that you picked up that very afternoon. sighing, he did as you asked and made the change. you didn’t care to look over at your boyfriend’s shirtless body, too irritated at the curtness of the conversation.

  you just wanted to get to the destination, the heavy silence becoming too much for you. there wasn’t even music on. you found yourself focusing too much on it, as you finally pulled up to the infamous hotel azure. somehow tucked away in the busy songpa district, it is unassuming to the civilian eye, but a well-known name amongst the circles of south korea’s entertainment industry. you didn’t “make it” in entertainment until you attended a party at hotel azure.

  jungkook shifted in his seat. “what is this?” his tone was demanding, which immediately put you off. “the plan was to go home.”

  to be fair, the last time that the two of you were at the azure hotel, jungkook wound up with a bloody nose after getting into it with an not-to-be-named yg idol at one of jackson wang’s wild parties. you weren’t even sure what happened yourself, bleary eyed for the majority of the night with several substances in your body. hotel azure was for idols at the top of the world with everything to lose, a favourite place of yours around 2018. it was now a place that you actively tried to avoid, but made an exception for the special occasion.

  “calm down,” you shot back, not letting him get away with the voice he used. “just wait, i said.”

  “i’m tired, y/n,” jungkook pleaded, as you stopped the car for the valet to take. 

  you ignored him - it wasn’t like it was up to you - and unbuckled your seatbelt, not waiting a second for jungkook. 

  not only did you pick up your boyfriend from the airport, you also spent hours meticulously preparing your appearance for the night. it didn’t seem like jungkook noticed, other than at the airport, when he questioned why you were wearing high heels. 

  you never wore heels unless you were working, but that changed when you met jungkook. he loved it when you wore heels and by the time your respective trainee debts were paid, made it a point. you bought platforms with the anticipation of how your boyfriend would go crazy over them. jungkook gifted you designer jimmy choos and pradas whenever you guys got into a fight. it made you feel your prettiest and he showered you with compliments every time.

  now, he looked at you oddly for it, like you were doing too much.

  jungkook eventually gave up and followed you in without a word, watching you take off your trench coat to reveal a stunning baby pink two-piece dress. the colour glittered under the low lighting of the hotel lobby and the corset accentuated your curves in all the right aways. except, he still did not say a word. this made you frown.

  you handed off your coat to an employee and jungkook did the same. the lobby was empty, but you and jungkook knew exactly where to go, making a beeline for the elevator and pressing the button to move up to the penthouse suite. 

  “why didn’t you warn me about this?” he grumbled under his breath, adjusting his shirt in the mirror.

  because that’s how surprise parties work, you wanted to reply. unfortunately, this was not a surprise party that you wanted to celebrate, so you didn’t even try to keep jungkook excited. you were both quiet, irritable, and only wanted to go home. 

  you said, “this is the part where i cover your eyes and lead you out.”

  jungkook complied and you placed your perfectly manicured hands over his line of vision. other than sharing a hug and kiss earlier, this was the closest you’d physically gotten to your boyfriend in months. your hands were cold and you were close enough that he could hear your breathing - all too uncomfortable. 

  the elevator dinged and you nudged jungkook to step forward. the penthouse’s lights were off, but you could make out the shuffling of feet from behind the kitchen counter. it looked like everything was set up and pristine. then, in just a beat, the entire room lit up and you removed your hands from jungkook’s eyes.

  “SURPRISE!”

  the floor rumbled, voices roaring and bodies popping out from different places - behind pillars, couches and the bar. jungkook’s eyes brightened in a way that you had yet to see since reuniting with him earlier and it made your heart sink. you hadn’t realized how dull his demeanour was around you until something else actually made him smile.

  his closest friends and family gathered in the penthouse and there was a large, golden banner that hung from the walls that said “welcome back jungkook!” the other wall was decorated with another banner, but this one said “good luck rm, v, jimin and jungkook!” 

  jungkook’s older brother was the first one that enveloped him into a bear hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him, then his mom. this was followed by the remainder of his band mates that managed to make the party. you awkwardly stood off to the side, a wide smile plastered on your face to mask your despondence. it seemed like jungkook’s exhaustion only existed when he was sitting in a car with you, as his laughter echoed throughout the room.

  you caught jungkook’s eye and he already knew how you were feeling. while he exchanged words with other friends, it was namjoon who pulled you to the side.

  “hey. you guys did a really great job with the party,” you started, looking around.

  the penthouse of the azure hotel was a thing of beauty, with ceiling high windows that looked over the lights of seoul. everything shone and glimmered - the city skyline, the perfect marble floors, the expensive liquor bottles, and hell, even the perfect teeth of the myriad of a-list south korean celebrities gracing this exclusive party. there wasn’t a wrong way to ever throw a party there, but the group made an extra effort to make jungkook’s homecoming a special one. 

  jungkook was swarmed by several people, all asking about his time in america and how exciting it was. those were the words you used to describe it for him, too, when you sent him off months ago. you watched him take shots with mingyu and eunwoo. 

  namjoon shook his head, “no, no. this wouldn’t be possible without you,” he said and then glanced at jungkook, “and i’m sure he knows it, too.”

  the boys, despite it also serving as a goodbye party before their enlistments, had been helping you plan the surprise for weeks leading up to jungkook’s arrival. it was one of the longest times jungkook had been apart from them and from the country in general, so they wanted to make it extra special. though you were the main mastermind behind the gathering, you initially didn’t want to do it at all. 

  “yeah, i hope so,” you replied, as you poured yourself a glass of white wine. “you guys all deserve it.”

  over the years, jungkook’s band mates slowly became some of your friends, as well. it was somber goodbye for you in all kinds of ways. everyone was preparing to send them off with good luck and high spirits. 

  the boys were also preparing in their own way. you noticed that taehyung and jimin’s girlfriends were missing from the party, which only confirmed your speculations. 

  “it was just bound to happen,” said a voice.

  it was taehyung who joined you and namjoon in a quiet circle at the corner of the living room. all of the boys looked a little bit sad, despite the celebratory atmosphere, but you read a different kind of story in taehyung’s eyes. 

  he smiled with a hint of gloom. “you’re looking around for her, right?”

  as a fellow idol and also a girlfriend to a member of one of the biggest groups in the world, taehyung’s girlfriend grew to become one of your close confidants in the past few years. you guys were polite before, but this connection created a specific bond that couldn’t be understood by anyone else. however, you hadn’t heard from her in a few days and with her absence at taehyung’s goodbye party, you put two and two together. 

  to his side, namjoon clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “sorry, man.”

  “i hope it was cordial,” you mustered up, ignoring the growing heaviness at the pit of your stomach. you could only hope you weren’t next.

  taehyung replied. “she understood, but she wasn’t happy. regardless,” he sighed, “we’re still so young. her career is just blowing up even more, i feel like i’d only be holding her back.” 

  that was the way it went. when enlistment rolled around for most couples, it was either breaking up or a ring. you looked at your feet, not knowing what to say. 

  “jimin also told me that he broke things off with - “

  a loud yelp squeaked from taehyung, who was abruptly jabbed in the side with namjoon’s elbow. the latter cleared his throat and you recognized that look. namjoon only made that face when he pulled the leader card and needed to put someone in their place. you figured that your worries were transparent to those around you.

  namjoon cleared his throat. “not in a chatty mood?”

  while you greeted people during the set-up of the party, you realized that you had yet to actually try socializing. things were awkward with jungkook’s parents, who you long suspected didn’t approve of you for various reasons. in general, most people were interested in chatting with the boys, which you didn’t mind. it was a gathering to send them off, after all.

  “not really. you guys should go mingle with your friends,” you said, taking another sip of your wine. “it’s your party.”

  “i hope i’m not overstepping, but did you and jungkook get in a fight?” taehyung asked.

  you blinked slowly. “no. does it seem like it?”

  “just seems like he’s nervous about something,” he commented and you noticed namjoon glare at him once more, as if to shut up.

  for the first time that night, you felt a glimmer of mixed feelings that left you wondering. why would he be nervous? the big visual forming in your mind was a diamond ring. you and jungkook had contemplated marriage in the past year, but it was also the source of many arguments. you weren’t even sure you wanted to get married now, but your mother had been getting into your ear about you getting older. then, there were your respective companies who lost their shit at the idea. but, what really mattered, was jungkook’s opinion. he seemed to wave it off or change the topic at every opportunity, so your hopes for a ring lived in the back of your mind. 

  despite this, taehyung was right. jungkook looked nervous. he’d been irritated at being dragged to his surprise party - you wondered if it was delusional enough to believe that he had plans for the two of you, instead. 

  for the rest of the night, you continued to keep to yourself. you weren’t lying when you told jungkook you were tired, but you were determined to stay as long as you could and pretend that you and jungkook weren’t stealing mysterious glances at each other for the entire evening. it was obvious and only made you anxious. 

  a few hours later and the party only grew in numbers and in noise. you thought you lost him in the crowd, until you left to refill your nth drink and found him talking to his cousin.

  the two were smiling and laughing, as his cousin appeared to be showing jungkook pictures on his phone. you assumed it was her newborn daughter - she gave birth just two months before her fiance was to be discharged and now that he was back, the wedding was just around the corner. you remembered jungkook telling you that she was proposed to on the day of his enlistment. 

  jungkook caught your eye and he immediately looked away - what the hell was that? he even turned slightly and you couldn’t read his lips. something was going on. you watched him shove his hands in his pockets and you swore you saw the shape of a small square inside.

  eventually, you grew tired of the tension in the air and the music began to make your head pound. the longer you thought about your partner, the greater your anxieties grew. there was a chance you even just although it was late in the year and a fresh sheet of snow adorned the streets of seoul, you decided it was best to step out into the balcony to take some time to breathe. 

  nobody else was there, thankfully, and you let out a shiver when you stepped out. the peppermint air dispelled the haze in your head and in your heart, as taking a deep breath was the greatest relief you felt all night. though your muscles remained tense and you knew you wouldn’t last out in the cold, the balcony was a welcome change.

  you weren’t sure how long you were outside when the door creaked open and just by the footsteps alone, you knew who it was.

  “your guests will miss you,” you said, not even looking behind you.

  at this point, you were hugging yourself to stop shivering. a rustle later and you felt a thick blanket drape over your shoulders, the wool of its make completely enveloping you with much needed warmth. you relaxed your shoulders, but couldn’t look jungkook in the eyes.

  “something’s wrong. tell me.”

  jungkook’s wine stained lips were pulled into a frown and although he hid it well when he was chatting away with his friends and family, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. he sniffled a few times and you knew why, but you decided to bite your tongue. it was his party and he was an adult who could celebrate whatever way he wanted. it was also clear that neither of you had the energy to argue. instead, to his surprise, you raised an arm and gestured for him to come closer.

  he sidestepped towards you and although you were shorter, let you wrap some of the blanket around him. his cold arm snaked around your waist and you tensed up again at his touch.

  you continued to look out into the skyline. “i was going to say the same for you.”

  “i’m really thankful for the party, love,” he ignored your question and pressed a kiss against your temple.

  you mumbled under your breath, “it wasn’t easy." this was the first time all night that you were comfortable enough to physically touch jungkook and you suspected alcohol played a role in relieving the tension between you two, but it was always going to be easy to fall right back into routine.

  and just like that, you felt a stinging sensation in your eyes. tears welled up and blurred your vision, which only made you turn your head away further from your boyfriend. he caught this immediately, his instincts nothing but natural when it came to you, and pulled you right into his chest. 

  the sound that came out of your mouth sounded nothing like you. the sob was desperate and helpless. it was akin to a toddler who couldn’t do anything by themselves. your voice cracked with each body-shaking sob and you didn’t have the guts to conceal it. your head was buried into jungkook’s new shirt, ruining it, but he only stroked your hair and wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you.

  “it’s okay. . .” jungkook cooed and for what seemed like the first time in a while, he sounded like himself. 

  it wasn’t like jungkook had undergone a drastic change from his time in america, but it was a gradual shift that you felt over a longer period of time. you attributed to the fact that you were no longer teenagers and things weren’t going to be the same as it did ten, even five years ago. that was what you told yourself, but you weren’t sure why you still held on to the old jungkook you knew.

  in that moment, he sounded like the fifteen year old boy you met in a convenience store again. he sounded like the jungkook who wrote you disgusting love songs that were horrible, but you adored anyway. he sounded like the man who you talked about children and a big house and an annoying dog with. 

  as you found the bravery to finally pull away from jungkook’s comforting embrace, you looked up and saw that future in his eyes. his features softened, but he looked sad. your heart sank once again.

  “you’re not just crying because i’m enlisting, are you?” he finally spoke, just above a whisper. his tone was certain, barely a question - after ten years together, jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

  you froze. there was nothing else you could do but shut your eyes tight, pretending that this wasn’t really happening.

  after a beat, you found your voice. “listen. . .we both know what happens after a man enlists. look at taehyung and jimin. look at your cousin.” 

  over the years, you and jungkook had gone through hell and back. you thought the worst day of your life was when dispatch leaked the news that you were dating five years ago, but you were able to recover. you thought it was the worst day of your life when your breakup was witnessed by the entire world, but you were able to recover. you even thought the worst day of your life was when word got out that you and jungkook got back together, effectively proving that you were weak and were the type of girl to crawl back to her ex. you recovered then, as well.

  at the second part of your sentence, you felt jungkook physically tense up.

  “is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he replied.

  you don’t know where it came from, but something triggered a spark of anger in you. still, with a tear stained face and a runny nose, you opened your eyes and met his. this was not something you would be able to recover from.

  you said, “it hasn’t just been lately, jungkook. you know exactly what’s on my mind, we’ve been talking - “

  “ - and you know what my answer has been, baby. you know what kind of position i’m in,” he interrupted, breaking apart from your hold and the blanket he brought for you.

  he wasn’t wrong. you did know what kind of position he was in. one of the biggest stars in the world and he had everything to lose, especially with the anxieties looming in the air for him and the rest of his group. every one of them were on their toes as soon as their enlistment dates were finalized, fearing their fade from the spotlight. you and the rest of the world knew that it was bullshit, that the bts was going to be forgotten just because they were going into the military for a few years. 

  marriage would surely ruin that further, right?

  you said, “and you know what position i’m in.”

  the careless joys of your early twenties had come and gone, which left you at the mercy of your mother’s constant talks about marriage. not just her, but other family members and even some of your friends. after all, you and jungkook had been together for ten years and you were pushing thirty sooner or later. 

  you also had your own fears in regard to your career. jungkook once laughed when you expressed your worries about the public no longer finding you young and pretty, but it was a real fear. most girl groups didn’t last more than a few years. many of your contemporaries had long said goodbye to their idol persona and went their separate ways from their band for a new life. you were considered a lucky one to remain with your group and maintain relevance, but for how long? was it time for you to finally settle down? you weren’t granted the same longevity as jungkook’s renowned group and you weren’t bitter about it, but nervous.

  snowflakes began to fall once again and as one fell on your eyelashes, you noticed jungkook’s jaw clench. 

  “we’ve talked about this,” he said and you knew your wandering thoughts about a potential proposal were too good to be true.

  you began, “look, i know that things are different for people like us. . “ but, things were changing. in recent years, you watched several of your peers get married and have children without losing their spot in the limelight. 

  “y/n. . .what made you think i changed my mind?” jungkook sighed, pacing back and forth to calm himself down.

  “i just thought. . .”

  “i’m sorry, but i wasn’t going to propose before my enlistment.” this time, jungkook’s frustrations melted away and there was genuine sadness in his voice. 

  he stepped closer to you and put his hands on your waist. you didn’t know what to say. you really had been pretending that his strange behaviour was because of a hope that seemed impossible now. 

  you took a deep breath. “you never said no. you made it seem like you were considering it.”

  that was what silenced jungkook. it was true, there was never an outright refusal from jungkook. he would say things that implied he would talk to his company again or “with time” it would come. he gave you just enough reassurance, but never confirmation. 

  continuing, you said, “and you even indulged in keeping the fantasy alive with me. you’re sick for talking about honeymoon destinations with me and suggesting songs we could dance to.”

  “hey. i’ve said time ands time again that there is no future where you aren’t by my side,” jungkook tried getting you to look at him, but every time he moved, you turned away. 

  there was no reason for you to make eye contact. you felt like a fool and if you met his eyes, you knew you would just burst into tears again. then, you thought about your conversation earlier with your friends and your vision became wet again.

  “were you planning to break up with me before you enlisted?”

  “what? no,” he responded, but you weren’t convinced. 

  you responded, “it was going to be inevitable, wasn’t it? like jimin and taehyung. you were going to be done with me.”

  this time, jungkook forced you to look at him by the chin and your shoulders dropped. there was a crease in between his eyebrows that you don’t remember seeing even just a year ago. he looked more tired than he did as a rookie with barely survivable living standards. 

  “time really goes by, huh?” you murmured, fighting to keep your voice stable.

  “we were never going to break up, love,” jungkook maintained.

  still, his words didn’t penetrate further than surface level. you were left numb and the chill of winter in seoul had nothing to do with it. you wished that someone would just call jungkook away, but the party inside continued on without him. 

  “you bought a ring. i saw it when we video called.”

  jungkook’s lips parted. you knew it. you knew you weren’t losing your mind. over the last ten years, you made some crazy accusations for all kinds of reasons. this time was different and you saw it on his face.

  even after what seemed like forever, jungkook couldn’t find words to say. the longer he waited to speak, the faster your heart began to race. 

  he rubbed his temples and finally, he spoke. jungkook spoke and you immediately dropped the blanket he brought for you, dashing right back inside. you walked past every single attendee and ignored the few that cried out your name. you didn’t care what it looked like. you just knew you had to get out of there.

  jungkook said there was a ring. he began to open his mouth and explain further, especially when he read the horrified expression on your face, but you wanted no part in it. there was no room for you to think about what that meant. you only saw red.

  you weren’t sure why you wanted a proposal so badly. you knew you didn’t care that much about what your mother wanted and getting married was no solution to the prospects of a dying career. you were second guessing if your wishes for a wedding were even genuine. 

  on the other hand, maybe you intended for the wedding to be a solution to a dying relationship. 

LATEST NEWS: hybe dismisses reports that bts’ jungkook and S.IREN’s nova are engaged, seeking legal action against gossip website that went viral for spreading the false rumour

@butnotmontana @rinkud @kookiescutie @nlr1606 @claireshelby @xtrataerrestrial @whoa-jo @tinyxrose @lavendersugarplum @bangtans-momma @firelcrds @sstrongstyle

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jungkook angst #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x oc #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #kpop fanfic #kpop imagines #bts au #jungkook au

[thedragonkween]

King Baldwin IV Headcanons! ♔🤍♕

A/N: So, here we are. I could not resist this mysterious and tormented king's charm. His silky voice makes me dream! These are some headcanons I've collected off the top of my head. The Reader is implied to be female and married to Baldwin IV. Please, do feel free to hit my inbox to ramble about our king because I'm literally dying of pining and yearning.

tags: female!reader x baldwin iv of jerusalem (from kingdom of heaven); reader is married to baldwin iv of jerusalem; fluff; slight angst towards the end

wc: 1150k

reccomended songs to listen to while reading: "Summertime Sadness" by Hildegard von Blingin; "Right Here" by Ashes Remain; "Blood, Sweat, Tears" by BTS (orchestral version)

"Many are the tales of the King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and of his Queen. Despite the varying accounts of their deeds, each one of them agrees on one aspect: the King of Jerusalem loved his Queen dearly, and the world is richer for it".

Baldwin IV is mysterious, intense, valiant, noble and utterly devoted to you, his Queen. But what does this devotion look like?

Firstly, he would believe in you like no other and would always be ready to give you his best advice whenever the weight of your responsibility becomes too much. Foreign rulers would soon learn of your qualities - there would hardly be a piece of correspondence where the King of Jerusalem does not praise the intellect and insight of his dear wife. He would glance at you from time to time, while you both work at your desks sharing the burden of paperwork, silently thanking God for having sent him not only a beautiful, but reliable life companion as well.

He values your opinions greatly and has the utmost regard for your views on political, military and state matters. Disagreements happen, yet your overall values are aligned, which is why Baldwin understands your vision and where your point comes from. During the discussions regarding complex decisions, he would let you speak and explain, then he would offer his honest thoughts on the matter, should he see another, different way from yours. 

Playing chess is a favorite way of spending quality time together in your chambers, away from the chaos of the court. If you know how to play and are proficient at it, he would delight in the thrill of challenge, as he would finally have found a true equal. If you do not know how to play, he would teach you with patience, taking pride whenever you make an unexpected and astute move. He would be such a nerd while he explains the rules to you and would be delighted to see how your mind works when devising a plan.

"Congratulations, dove. You have a checkmate."

I can also see Baldwin taking you on long rides, if his health allows it. He would sweetly check the reins and saddle on your horse before mounting on his steed and leading you away to enjoy the cool early morning breeze, before the heat of Jerusalem becomes too sweltering. You would have a nice and secluded spot to enjoy and to pretend that you are a couple of young lovers without responsibilities and crowns weighing on your heads.

Your presence brings him safety and comfort, which is what would convince him to remove his mask when he is alone with you and the physicians. He would especially love to rest his head on your la as you gently caress his curls while the physicians tend to his skin. It is a sacred moment. He does not know how he went so long without your presence during this delicate time. Speaking softly to each other, you would distract him from the pain with talk of your hometown, fairy tales from your culture, or even simply reflecting on a happening of that day. On these occasions, you learn how to best take care of him, watching the physician tend to his arm while you tend to the other, delicately dabbing the cloth over his wounded skin. Baldwin feels so protected and safe in your presence. He thinks you are God’s greatest gift to him.

Now, jealousy. Baldwin knows he boasts the honor of having an exquisite flower such as yourself to call his own. As do powerful men and courtiers from distant lands. Many covet your loveliness as one would a precious gem. Should one of these foolish people try to take you from him or even stare at you for too long to be considered proper, they would be met with a pure force to be reckoned with. Should a knight’s eye linger on you for too long, he would be quick to put him in place in his signature glacial, elegant way. Before long, everyone learns not to disrespect the Queen consort of Jerusalem.

“Perhaps you would have understood my point, had you not been so insolently ogling my wife”. He takes out his whip. “On your knees. You will pay for insulting the Queen”.

He would protect you with his life. He swore to protect Jerusalem and, as its Queen, that includes first of all you. Should a courtier doubt your devotion and mistake it for thirst for power, or should he learn of an orchestrated attempt on your life, he would waste no time in employing his best forces in your service to defend you.

His enemies and templars alike fear him, yet with you he is as gentle as the morning breeze that gently caresses Jerusalem. This powerful king who makes armies tremble and kingdoms shake is the same person who holds and kisses your hand (when in public, bringing your fingers to the lips of his mask), who silently admires your loveliness from afar and sighs to himself, who longs for your warmth after a tiring day. 

He would write you letters. Lots of them. And not always when he is away. Maybe he just liked the way the sun reflected in your eyes that morning. Or maybe when you helped a servant, he was moved by your kindness. Your every action inspires him, so much so that he has to let out his thoughts on paper. You have a pretty wooden box brimming with delicate papers penned by Baldwin in your honor. He is not only the King of Jerusalem, but also the king of pining, of yearning. Even when he has you near, he yearns for you.

I love to imagine him letting you accompany him to battle. He would love it too, in theory. You make him so strong, the both of you would be quite the sight, meeting your enemies head on, as one, donning your best armors. Yet, at the same time I cannot imagine him resting easy knowing that a loose arrow, a desperate soldier seeking glory for killing the Queen of Jerusalem, or fatigue and sickness could take you from him. It pains his heart to be parted from you, yet he cannot risk your safety. Instead, Baldwin would trust you with ruling the kingdom. He has absolute faith in your intelligence, willpower and cleverness, especially after all he has taught you about running the realm. He longs for you every second he’s away from Jerusalem, yet his heart is at peace knowing his kingdom is in the most capable hands.

When he feels that his time on this Earth is nearing his end, he calls for his most trusted advisors, including Balian and Tiberias. He would ask them, almost begging, to protect you always, at all costs, when he is no longer there to do so. Balian and Tiberias would exchange a quick glance to each other, vowing to respect their King’s wish until the very end.

“Protect her. Please.” “Always, my Lord”.

Poems, songs and stories would be written in honor of your love even centuries after your passing. Many tales would speak of Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and his Queen. Different pieces of art, such as paintings and ballads, would inspire people from all over the world to find a love as devoted and unshakable as yours. Until the very end.

All in all, to love Baldwin means knowing your time together is limited. As is the time of all creatures on Earth. He would beg you to go on after his passing, to live for him. He shall wait for you and protect you from above. Until the very end.

#king baldwin x reader #king baldwin iv x reader #baldwin iv x reader #baldwin x reader #kingdom of heaven #king baldwin #king baldwin iv #koh #kingdom of heaven imagine #kingdom of heaven imagines #mywriting

[genericpuff]

The erasure of Aphrodite's actual kids in mythology for Rachel's OCs is worse when you notice they're all queer themselves:

Eros - Already a given as to why he'd be a queer figure

Anteros - God of Requited Love. In the more popular versions of his birth he's the son of Poseidon ans Nerites, another man. The god of the most happy form of love is from two queer dads!

Himeros - God of Sex, and specifically is considered a patron to Male/Male romantic and sexual relationships

Pothos - God of Longing and Yearning, and to many can be seen as a queer figure who represents the struggle of queer identities and feelings in a cishetero society

Hedylogos - God of Sweet-talk and Flattery, easily can be made into a bi/pansexual figure to represent queer joy

Hymenaus - God of Marriages and Song who actually crossdresses in mythology to save women in danger.

Hermaphroditus - God of Androgyny, who in the greek version of their birth was always neither male or female, but a mixture of both. They're a symbol of intersex people and being outside the gender binary.

So, Rachel had a whole BTS's worth of queer figures to include in her story, especially in a romance story, and yet removed all of them except one to make a gay best friend. The queer erasure has been there since day one and is worse the longer you look into it!

You're so right though, I feel like it would have made sense to not include them just for the sake of avoiding cast bloat, but instead she just swapped them out for a whole other cast of fake kids, and it's really telling when the OG kids were queer. Now we have... Mania.

(idc what anyone says, i'm genuinely disturbed by this child, it's funny but also it's not, why does the baby have eyEBROWS-)

Pour one out for the real kids of Aphrodite, they all deserve better 😔💔

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #ask me anything #anon ama #ama #anon ask me anything

[rwrbmovie]

BTS of #RWRBMovie: Uma Thurman as Ellen Claremont + her accent (under the cut)

>> BTS: Taylor on working with Uma

via Variety:

In McQuiston’s novel, Claremont reads as an alternate reality version of Hillary Clinton, but López strove to differentiate the character from current female politicians. “So many women in politics are asked, it seems, to sacrifice whatever their idea of femininity is in favor of an exchange for power,” he says. “It was so important to me that this was a woman who could hold both things — that she could be a powerful woman who also presented her own femininity in the world without apologies.”

From Gay Times:

For López, it was important to cast an actor who “you would actually vote for president”. “We did a list of all the people that we thought would work in this role and Uma was always at the top of it,” he reveals. “We sent her the script and she wanted to meet with me, which was great for me! I figured, even if she doesn’t do the movie I get to have a Zoom with Uma Thurman.”  Thurman was heavily involved in the creative process from the beginning, arriving at her and Lopez’s first meeting with “so many thoughts about the character”. “She had actually studied the script. We both realised that we were interested in the same thing,” continues Lopez, which was telling the story of a woman who is the president and a mother, “who is powerful but retains her sense of femininity”. The director highlights the harmful trope “in American culture” of women in power being “asked to deny their femininity”. “Both Uma and I were interested in creating a woman on-screen who did not feel like she had to make that sacrifice,” he says. “Once we realised that we wanted the same thing, it became very easy for her to say yes, which I’m grateful for.” 

ML via Collider:

From the day I first encountered her, as a moviegoer, I’ve just loved her. It was a real blessing to have her there with us. She came to this film with the exact same set of desires for the character that I had. We had a lot of conversations about how, in American politics, women in power often have to sacrifice their understanding of their own femininity, in order to attain and hold onto power. What was most important to her and I was that Ellen can both be powerful and maintain her definition of femininity for herself. I included Uma in conversations about costume design, production design, and of the oval office set. When she walked onto the set, I have never encountered a more prepared actor. She understood, implicitly. She already understood why every piece of furniture was chosen for her. She understood why every article of clothing was there. It was a master class in prepared acting. She really rose, and she brought everybody’s game up.

ML via OutSFL:

I adore her [Uma Thurman]. She was so very happy to be in this movie, which was so wonderful. She really understood Ellen. She and I had so many wonderful conversations about her before production. I involved her in a lot of costume design decisions. She was really wanting to understand this woman holistically.

>> UMA'S ACCENT

via Variety:

“Red, White & Royal Blue” was already a few weeks into production in the U.K. when Thurman reached out to Lopéz so the director could hear her perform as Alex’s mother, President Ellen Claremont, for the first time. McQuiston envisioned Claremont as a fiery Democrat from Texas, so Thurman worked with dialect coach Tim Monich on a buttery Texas drawl that has become one of the standout features of the film. “And I was like, ‘Uma, it sounds great,’” López says of their first Zoom conference. “And she says, ‘Are you sure?’ And I’m like, ‘I think so.’ But I was also very distracted. Then she gets on set and I finally listen to her. I’m like, Okay, we’re good, we’re good. We’re very, very good.”

ML via Windy City Times:

Uma came in so prepared and so eager to be there. She was happy to be a part of it and we just had the best time with her. It was a very happy set and that is thanks to Uma in many ways, too. 

#rwrbedit #rwrb movie #red white and royal blue #rwrbsource #uma thurman #ellen #taylor zakhar perez #tzp #bts #rwrb bts #rwrbbts #*

[bts-trans]

230707 Big Hit's Tweet

[네이버 포스트] 띵동! 슈가 & Agust D & 윤기의 모습을 가득 담은 종합 선물 세트가 도착했습니다🎁 (@ https://m.post.naver.com/viewer/postView.naver?volumeNo=36214098&memberNo=51325039) #BTS #방탄소년단 #슈가 #SUGA #AgustD #D_DAY

[Naver Post] Ding dong! Your SUGA & Agust D & Yoongi gift set has arrived🎁 (@ https://m.post.naver.com/viewer/postView.naver?volumeNo=36214098&memberNo=51325039)

#BTS #SUGA #AgustD #D_DAY

Naver Post Translation

Keep reading for a plain text version of the blog post! Since Tumblr unfortunately has a picture limit for posts, please check out our twitter post or the HD version on our website for a version with all photos included!

[BTS] SUGA | Agust D 'D-DAY' 활동기 비하인드 대공개!

[BTS] SUGA | Agust D ‘D-DAY’ Activity Period Behind-the-Scenes Release!

아-하!

Hi-A!

(T/N: Stands for ‘Hi ARMY’, which is how Bangbell always starts these posts.)

꒰⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝꒱੭⁾⁾

방림이가 너무 오랜만에 왔죠? (;´・`)> 오랜만에 온 만큼 어마 무시한 포스트 주인공을 데리고 왔는데요?! 오늘의 주인공은 바로바로바로바로~~~ (모두 다 알고 있지만) SUGA | Agust D의 솔로 앨범 활동기 비하인드!

It’s been a while since Bangbell was here, right? (;´・`)>

But since it’s been a while, I’ve brought an incredible star for this post?! And today’s star is is is is is~~~ (You all already know but) The behind-the-scenes for SUGA | Agust D ’s solo album activity period!

포스트를 시작하기에 앞서 퀴즈 나갑니다 민슈가의 매력 포인트는 무엇일까요? 1. 귀여움 2. 멋있음 3. 섹시함 4. 잘생김 5. 말랑함 정답은요?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 아무래도 당모. 당연히 모두 다. 슈가의 귀여움, 멋있음, 섹시함, 잘생김, 말랑함을 다 모아 포스트에 가-득 담아왔으니 바로 시작하시죠!

Before we start this post, there’s a quiz

What’s Min Suga’s most charming feature?

His cuteness

His coolness

His sexiness

His handsomeness

His squishiness

The answer?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5 No matter what you pick AOTA. All Of The Above.

I’ve gathered together all of Suga’s cuteness, coolness, sexiness, handsomeness, and squishiness and have put it aaall in this post so let’s begin!

말랑 포근 남친 + 예민 존잘 수트 남신 두 가지 콘셉트를 전부 볼 수 있었던 ‘사람 Pt.2 (feat. 아이유)’ MV 비하인드로 가볍게 시작해 볼까요?

A soft and cozy boyfriend + A sharp, handsome, suit-wearing god Shall we start with the behind-the-scenes for the ‘People Pt.2 (feat. IU)’ MV where you can see both of these concepts?

*Ꙩꙻ₀Ꙩꙻ)！ 조그만 곳에 들어가는 걸 좋아하고 신 걸 못 먹는 걸 보니 민윤기는 고양이가 확실합니다(?) MV에서는 그렇게 날티나던 OPPA였는데 현장에선 이렇게 귀여운 게 말이 돼?! ㄴ외않되

*Ꙩꙻ₀Ꙩꙻ)！ He likes going into small places and he can’t eat sour things so I’m positive that Min Yoongi is a cat(?)

In the MV he appeared like such a playboy OPPA* But on set he’s so cute. Does that even make sense?! ㄴWhy not?

(T/N: ‘Oppa’ is the Korean word women use to refer to a man who is older than them. Female fans also use this term affectionately for male celebrities.)

5252~ 귀여운 ‘해금’ MV 속 애옹이를 보느라 처연미 넘치는 ‘AMYGDALA’ MV 비하인드도 잊으면 안된다구 항상 미남이지만 본인피셜 “이때 예뻤네~!” 말이 나오게 만드는 ‘AMYGDALA’ MV 속에서는 더더욱 어머 미남.. ⸝⸝• ̫•⸝⸝

Hey hey*~ Just because you saw a cute kitty in the ‘Haegeum’ MV doesn’t mean you can forget about the ‘AMYGDALA’ MV that’s full of tragic beauty

(T/N: The number 5252 is pronounced “oh ee oh ee / 오이오이” in Korean, which sounds a lot like the greeting “Hey / eo ee, 어이” that you would shout at someone.)

He’s always been a handsome man but in the ‘AMYGDALA’ MV even he ended up saying “Wow, I looked so pretty then~!” Oh my what a handsome man.. ⸝⸝• ̫•⸝⸝

깜짝 사연 모집과 함께 오랜만에 돌아와서 아미들을 놀라게 했는데 보이는 라디오를 통해 더 물오른 미모로 더더더 놀라게 했던 꿀에펨부터 슙디… 금방 돌아온다고 했으니까 기다릴게… 기다린다! 우리… 한 발자국도 안 움직인다! 슙디 돌아올 때까지 숨참기 시작

Starting with Kkul FM which came back after a long time along with a surprise story submission form and really caught ARMYs off guard and surprised them even more with his beautiful looks through a video radio show

DJ Syub*… you said you’ll be back soon so we’ll wait… we’ll wait! We… won’t even move a single step! Starting now we’re holding our breath until DJ Syub returns

(T/N: The alias Suga uses when he hosts his radio show Kkul FM.)

있지도 않은 남사친 기억 조작하게 만들면서 많은 아미들 심장 떨리게 만들었던 팔레트

Palette, which made everyone think of a guy friend that they don’t even have and made so many ARMYs’ hearts flutter

미니미즈가 함께 출연한 핑계고에서 본 뜻밖의 귤디 (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

갑작스런 퀴즈. 슈가는 핑계고에서 귤을 몇 개를 먹었을까요? 정답은 아미가 알려줄 거야…

Tangerine D was unexpectedly seen on Just an Excuse which the Minimis* appeared on together (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

(T/N: A nickname for Suga and Jimin.)

Pop quiz. How many tangerines did Suga eat on Just an Excuse? ARMYs will let you know the answer…

주인장 아니고 게스트로 나와서 으른 섹시 + 잔망 귀여움 다 보여줬던 슈취타 아니고 알취타도 있구요!

He appeared as a guest instead of the host and showed off menacing sexiness + adorableness And it wasn’t Suchwita, it was Rchwita*!

(T/N: The name of Suga’s talk show ‘Suchwita’ changed to ‘Rchwita’ when RM hosted for one episode.)

of the 아미 for the 아미 by the 아미 오로지 아미만을 생각하면서 준비한 로드 투 아미 솔직히 정식으로 귀미챌 한 번 더 해줘야 된다고 생각합니다. (진지)

of the ARMY for the ARMY by the ARMY He prepared Road to ARMY while only thinking of ARMY

If I’m being honest, I think he needs to do the SICC* again. (I’m serious)

(T/N: Stands for “Sorry I’m Cute Challenge,” which was a trend many idols did during fanmeets.)

해외에 나가서도 아미들이랑 이야기 나누고 싶다고 현지 시간으로 이른 아침 일찍부터 찾아와 조곤조곤 많은 이야기 나누고 간 발매 라이브에

Even when he went overseas he said he wanted to talk to ARMYs So he got up in the early hours local time And, very quietly, talked a lot during his album release live

빽빽한 미국 스케줄 사이에 깜짝 무대 선물해 준 팰런쇼

In between his packed schedule in the U.S. He gifted us with a surprise performance on the Fallon Show

두 가지 매력의 데이트룩도 차려입고 아미들과 영화관 데이트했던 무비 나잇까지..!

He donned two date outfits with two different charms and went on a movie date with ARMYs for Movie Night..!

끝인 줄 알았지?! 최고의 선물 ‘해금’ 안무 영상은 또 얼마나 열심히 준비했게요

You thought this was the end right?!

How hard must he have prepared for the ‘Haegeum’ dance practice video, which was the best gift ever

해금 추는 민윤기… 다시 볼 수 있기 기원 정권 찌르기 1일차… 콘서트 준비에 바빴을 텐데 아미들 심심하지 말라고 언제 다 준비해놓고 짜잔- 한 상 차려놓은 민윤기 안 사랑하는 법 나는 몰라 진짜 몰라 ( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )

Min Yoongi dancing to Haegeum… This is day 1 of pestering the higher ups to let me see that again…

He must have been so busy preparing for his concerts But just so ARMYs wouldn’t be bored Min Yoongi prepared everything at some point and ta da- He prepared an entire feast Seriously I don’t even know how I’m not supposed to love him ( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )

여기에 콘서트는 또 얼마나 기깔나게 준비했다구욧!? 콘서트 준비 과정도 함께 만나볼까요? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Just how much did he say he prepared here for the concert!? Shall we go check out the concert preparation process? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

고양이도 콘서트 포스터 촬영을 할 수 있는 건가요? 슈가는 없고 앙큼 고영 밖에 없는데요?

Can cats also take photos for concert posters? There’s no Suga here just a devious kitty?

비상비상!!! 1 아미 1 애옹이 보급 시급 이과 아미들 뭐 하는데!! 민윤기 복제 안 하고 뭐 하는데!! (땡깡)

Emergency emergency!!! 1 ARMY 1 kitty are urgently needed ARMYs who studied science, what are you doing!! Why haven’t you cloned Min Yoongi yet!! (Throwing a tantrum)

✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ| 이 이모티콘 그 잡채…

✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ| He’s the epitome of this emoticon…

의미 있는 자신감으로 Full 라이브 밴드 콘서트를 준비한 슈가… 아미들 마음을 조사버릴 민윤기 책임져.. 난 365일 중에 613일 정도는 민윤기 생각만 한다고 그리고 대망의 콘.서.트. 두둥!

Full of meaningful confidence Suga prepared a full live-band concert…

Min Yoongi, who’s destroying ARMYs’ hearts Take responsibility.. I think of only Min Yoongi 613 days out of 365 days

And now the long-awaited con.cert.

Drum roll!

크으으으으으으 My rap star… My rockstar… My king… 슈가는 왕이에요…

Woooooooooow My rap star… My rockstar… My king… Suga is the king…

이렇게 길고 알찼던 활동만큼 길고도 알찼던 활동기 포스트가 끝이 났습니다! 뭐 잊은 거 없냐구요? 乁(ᴗ ͜ʖ ᴗ)ㄏ 글~쎄요?? 넝담이고~

For as long and packed as this activity period was this long and packed acitivity period post is coming to an end!

You’re saying I forgot something?

乁(ᴗ ͜ʖ ᴗ)ㄏ I~don’t know??

Just a joke~

이 포스트를 빌려 아미에게 방림이 전할게 음음음음 다행히도 보여줄 사진은 여태 많이 남았네

Bangbell will take this post as a chance to tell ARMY Mm mm mm mm Thankfully there are still many pictures I have yet to show you*

(T/N: A reference to Suga’s verse in ‘Life Goes On.’)

포스트에 빠질 수 없는 셀카! 이쁜 셀카 이렇게 잔뜩 모아왔다구요! <(=^･^=)> 다양한 콘텐츠와 공연으로 아미들을 즐겁게 해준 슈가 & Agust D & 윤기에게 많은 박수 부탁드립니다~!!! (와아아아~~)

The selfies that we can’t leave out of this post! I’ve gathered all of these pretty selfies! <(=^･^=)>

Please give a big round of applause for Suga & Agust D & Yoongi for preparing all kinds of content and performances for ARMYs to enjoy~!!! (Yaaaaay~~)

어라랏..? 이쯤하면 아뿅이 나올 때가 됐는데..?

Umm..? Doesn’t ‘A-Poof’ usually appear right about now..?

따란~

Ta da~

여러분들이 그렇게 찾던 고양이 셀카를 두고 올 방림이가 아니죠 ~(˘▾˘)~

Bangbell has brought the cat selfie that you all were looking for ~(˘▾˘)~

요즘 날씨가 많이 더운데 방림이가 더위를 물리치는 특별 방법을 알려드릴게요! 1. 슈가 사진 보기 2. Agust D 노래 듣기 3. 민윤기 사랑해 외치기

It’s been so hot recently so Bangbell will let you know a special method to beat the heat!

Look at photos of Suga

Listen to Agust D songs

Shout that you love Min Yoongi

그럼 다들 더위 조심하시고~ 다음에 또 다른 선물 같은 콘텐츠로 돌아오겠습니다!

So be careful of the heat~ I’ll come back next time with more gift-life contents!

아-뿅!

A-Poof!

(T/N: Short for “Bye ARMY! Poof!”, which is how Bangbell always ends these posts.)

. ̫ .

[Note]

본 포스트는 BIGHIT MUSIC에서 직접 운영하는 포스트입니다.

This Naver Post account is personally managed by BIGHIT MUSIC.

[End Note]

Trans cr; Ali & Annie Typeset cr; Chika @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

#230707 #suga #yoongi #agust d #big hit #official #twitter #naver #bangbell #blogpost #bts #bangtan #photos #d-day #promotion period #haegeum #very many nice pictures #the gratitude runs deep #tangerines and kitties

[flowerprincesscherryblossom]

angels

pairing: Female Reader x Kim Namjoon word count: 2670 warnings: angst, dad!joon, mention of mandatory military enlist series masterlist A/N: Hello everyone🤗 it's been a long while since i've posted anything but this has been just the absolute worse and i couldn't get my mind behind anything. the title and inspiration for comes from the song Angels by Michele Morrone which i actually suggest you check out while reading this Hope you like it and that you have a wonderful day wherever you are💜

Balancing idol life and private life is a difficult task in itself, matters being made worse by having a secret daughter and a possible relationship with you.

You and Namjoon had been stuck in, what he called a strange version of a will-they-won't-they. You had said that there wasn't a chance for the both of you due to the sense of danger of how people would react, but you had also said that if he was willing to wait for you that you'd give him a chance.

And he did.

He waited until you were comfortable enough to be his once again. And now the both of you acted as if you were in the beginning of your relationship all those years ago, little kisses, small touches, and other stuff.

The difference between then and now was that, before, both of you called yourself boyfriend and girlfriend, now, there was no label. He figured that you didn't want the label, or at the very least saying it aloud because a part of you was still scared of feeling that same hurt all those years ago.

As much as all the hiding annoyed him sometimes, he knew better than to push you out of your comfort zone. One wrong step from him and Namjoon could lose you and Ayeong, and that's something he wouldn't be able to live with.

The three-year absence had done more than enough damage between him and his daughter, so much he had missed - her first words, her first steps, etc. - and continued to miss, all because of how busy his idol life would get, all because he wasn't allowed to be with his daughter as freely as he wanted.

A three-year absence… Something that he was about to do again.

The conversation about whether or not BTS would fulfill their mandatory military service had been around for a couple of years, and now, all of them had decided to go of their own accord.

The members had been surprised that their leader had decided to go, since the first time the six of them met the three-year-old Namjoon had said that, despite the busy schedule he still wanted to spend as much time with her as he could.

He couldn't blame them, and, in all honesty, he felt the exact same.

Maybe surprised wasn't the correct term, he felt more shocked and confused that he had uttered those words without a moment of hesitation.

Back when the 'will BTS go to the military' conversation started, he had said that he would go if called for, all seven of them did, they wanted to serve their country.

But that conversation had started before his daughter was part of his life, before she was born.

It would certainly raise a few eyebrows if he didn't go with them, wouldn't it? Namjoon could postpone it for a little while but eventually, he'd have to go.

He knew you'd be understanding of the situation, you were fully aware of the possibility when the both of you were dating, but Ayeong was a completely different story.

When he met her it already had been three years after her birth, the poor girl hadn't even been aware that she had a father until he showed up at your house. She had become quickly attached to him after that first meeting, and he had tried to the best of his abilities to spend as much time as he could and to be a good father to her.

When he had to leave for another city or country he always made sure to video chat nearly every single day, no matter how much the tiredness of the day grasped at his skin, all because of her.

But now it was different, he wouldn't be leaving for hours, days, or months, he'd be gone for almost three years. By the time he came back, his little girl would be six years old, and he would've missed so much by then.

Life was truly cyclical - he broke your heart, leaving you alone with an unshared unexpected pregnancy, only to come back three years later and find a place in both of your and your daughter's hearts, only to leave again and come back after another three years.

It's like poetry, it rhymes.

It had been hours since Namjoon had closed himself off in his studio, leaning back against his seat and going through each drawing Ayeong had made for him over and over again, with the only sound being the heavy rain hitting the building, raining like the day he reencountered you after three years and the first time he saw his daughter, the depression of the entire situation piercing his heart with each picture.

Namjoon doesn't know how long he's been stuck in this cycle, but eventually, he released a deep breath, cracking his neck and taking hold of his phone to check the time. It was almost ten pm, no missed calls or unread messages waiting for him.

With a sigh he unlocked the phone and sent you a text, asking if he could come over. The three dotted text bubble kept appearing and disappearing for a while before you finally settled and sent a simple one-word message 'k'.

Without much further ado, he stood up from his seat and stretched his back muscles before walking out the door and towards your house.

The only thing protecting him from the weather was a jacket, a hat, and a mask, with two of those things being more to protect his identity from anyone who might recognize him. He didn't even bother grabbing an umbrella, he wanted the rain to drench him, he wanted his outside to match his inside.

A trip that took minutes felt like hours, each step feeling heavier, almost as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his back. He raised his fist against the door and knocked, feeling as defeated as he had been all those years ago when he had been forced to break up with you.

Much to his chagrin, it hadn't been you who had opened the door but Ayeong, who upon seeing him started going up and down on the tip of her toes, smiling so wide and bright that her dimples were showing while making grabby hands in order to be picked up. "Daddy!"

It felt like an arrow had pierced his heart.

"Hi princess," Namjoon picked up his little girl, holding her tightly in his arms as he hugged her, kissing the top of her head.

"Ayeong, I told you not to open the door without me," you said softly as you leaned against the living room door.

"But mommy," the three-year-old said with her best puppy dog eyes and pout on her lips, wrapping her tiny arms around his neck as Namjoon did his best to keep her in his arms as he closed the door and started to take off his shoes.

You simply rolled your eyes but there was a smile on your face. "No buts, what if it wasn't daddy at the door?"

"Ayeong would yell for daddy," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, looking at her father with a twinkle in her eyes, almost as if waiting for him to back her up.

He couldn't deny her. "And daddy would come running so fast to save Ayeong and mommy," he tickled her, stepping away from the entrance and in your direction, the sound of her laughter being music to his ears.

"Please don't encourage her," he wrapped his unoccupied arm around you, pulling you close to him, and giving you a peck on the forehead.

Now that he was close to you he could see that the smile didn't reach your eyes, almost like you were forcing yourself to do it, and there was a twinge of sadness in your eyes, almost like you were close to bursting into tears. That was all the confirmation he needed to know that you had heard of the news.

You pulled away from him and turned to your daughter, bopping her nose. "It's time for bed."

The little girl whimpered, pouting and almost looking like she was on the verge of tears, holding as tightly as she could to her father. Seeing as you remained unmoved Ayeong kept whimpering while her free hand started to hit Namjoon's shoulder, urging him to make you change your mind. Which he did, doing his best puppy dog eyes while pouting as well.

The staring contest went on for a couple of seconds before you finally admitted defeat, rolling your eyes and releasing a sigh. "Fine, you can stay up for a little longer," with that you left father and daughter on their own and walked towards the kitchen.

At the victory, the three-year-old let out a very excited yay, kissing him on the cheek before squirming away from his hold. Carefully he put her on the floor and watched her walk toward her room, going on the assumption that she was going to grab either one of her plushies or the drawings she loved to make for him.

With a deep breath, Namjoon walked towards the kitchen, finding you leaning against the counter with a cup of hot tea in your hands, eyes focused on the liquid as if it contained the answer to all of life's questions.

You looked at him from the corner of your eye before turning back to your tea. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," he leaned against the counter, standing next to you.

Silence fell between you, Namjoon not knowing what other menial small talk he could do, and he assumed you were feeling the same.

So, instead, he went ahead with the important subject of the conversation. "You heard about it?" you didn't need him to explain what he meant, you knew, so you simply hummed. He gave a small smirk, a sense of déjà-vu caressing his skin. "You don't seem surprised."

A small smirk formed on your lips, no doubt feeling the same way he was. "It was going to happen sooner or later."

Namjoon's arm moved from its place on the counter towards your shoulder, his thumb drawing circles on it, pulling you closer to him and kissing your head. You wrapped one of your arms around his waist, leaning your head against his chest, trying your best not to break down.

Both of you stood like this in silence for some time, before he decided to start speaking again. "You're not going to say anything?"

"Do I get a say in all of this?" you said with a dry laugh as tears started to well up in your eyes.

He didn't reply, for what else could be said? Your opinion on whether or not you wanted him to fulfill the mandatory military service didn't matter, he was going to go anyway.

With a sigh you withdrew from him, walking towards the sink and washing the half-full cup of tea. "Do you want me to talk to her?" you asked without sparing him a glance.

"No," he replied with a sigh of his own. "I should be the one to do it."

On cue, the little three-year-old girl entered the kitchen, running as fast as her tiny legs allowed, while both of her tiny hands griped onto a dozen or so papers, no doubt the many drawings she had made in his absence.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy look!" Ayeong excitedly said, jumping on the tip of her toes while flailing her arms.

And he was going to rip that happiness and shatter it into pieces. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Carefully, Namjoon picked up his daughter and held her tightly. "Let's put you to bed," as he walked towards you he wondered, for a brief second, if Ayeong could hear how monotoned his voice sounded. "Give mommy a kiss goodnight."

You leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek, whispering goodnight, and the three-year-old did the same, making extra sure that she wouldn't let go of her drawings.

Once done he walked towards the little girl's bedroom, his steps once again feeling heavier. His mind going in circles on how he would tell about what was going to happen.

In Ayeong's pretty pink bedroom, everything Namjoon did felt incredibly slow. From laying his daughter in her bed to pulling her lilac sheets and tucking her in, something she kept fighting him on as she kept whimpering because of the drawings.

He wasn't sure if it was time, his mind, or himself that made everything feel like it was moving at a snail's pace.

He took a seat on the bed, of which the three-year-old immediately cuddled up against him, and went through each drawing, with the little girl explaining each one. Namjoon decided to be as meticulous as he possibly could, picking at every little thing on each page, just so he could hear Ayeong talk.

Like he wanted to insert the sound of her voice into his mind for the days to come.

After going to all the drawings as slowly as he could, he put them aside on her plastic toy table before settling back on the bed, which his daughter took as an opportunity to climb onto his lap and lay her head on his shoulder as she hugged him.

He reciprocated the hug, doing it as tightly as he could without hurting her, trying his best to not shed any tears.

But as comfortable as he felt, there was a ticking clock going on in his head, telling him that he was running out of time. He was going to leave any day now, and there was still so much he still had to do. He had pushed aside finishing his new album for long enough.

"Ayeong," he said softly, running his hand through her back. "Daddy needs to tell you something."

She lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at her father, sleepiness clear in her eyes. Namjoon took a deep breath, syncing himself up. "Daddy is going away for a while."

"Hmm," the three-year-old rubbed her eyes.

"And…," he bit his bottom lip, his next words feeling painful like he had an incredibly sour lemon on his tongue. "He's not going to be able to see Ayeong for a long time."

She seemed to wake up at his words, and Namjoon could see in her face that she was running what he had said and trying to understand everything.

"Is daddy going on tour?" she struggled with the last word due to her still learning the language, but also because she never liked when he went away, especially when it came to long periods of time.

"No baby, daddy's going to the military and," there was a lump in his throat, it felt incredibly dry. "And he's not going to be able to see or talk with Ayeong for a long time."

The three-year-old probably didn't understand much of what he had said, but what little she did was enough to make her eyes tear up. "Why?"

"It's something daddy needs to do," he released a deep sigh. "He doesn't have much choice."

At his words, his daughter started to finally cry, burying her face on his shoulder and her tiny hands gripping tightly to his jacket.

He didn't say anything for nothing he said could fix what was happening, so he simply held her tight and cradled her in his arms, the tears he tried to contain now falling freely, each whimper and sob from Ayeong piercing his heart over and over again.

Namjoon would have to leave at some point and finish his work before he left for the military.

But not right now, he would leave that for tomorrow morning.

Right now the only thing he wanted was to spend the rest of the night with his daughter in his arms.

#bts #kim namjoon #bts namjoon #namjoon fanfic #namjoon x reader #bts fanfic #namjoon angst

[astroyongie]

Astroyongie Podcast S01 EP04

Note: please take it lightly. Censored version. This podcast was done on the 4th May. Notes taken my: @kattyaskat

-> Can you talk about the kissing types based on astrology? Like which planets indicate how you kiss and how is each sign?

I take Mercury and Venus into account. Mercury the way it is built, the way it is done. Skills is based on Mercury. And Venus is how it’s developed, how it is felt during a romantic relationship.

-> Should Mars be involved too? For kissing

I only focus on Mercury and Venus. Mars I mostly used when the physical contact gets more developed. though some astrologers can focus on Mars.

-> Tea questions: Ateez

1) (Censored) . He also a bit on edge cause of the internal conflict within the company. Maybe he wants to do something and the company is not giving it so he gets a bit discouraged and grumpy. How company is handling them without much rest.

4) I cannot speak of it.

5) (Censored)- developed an interested to the occult

7) (Censored). He is attracted to things that are bad for him overall and he knows about it and tries to avoid it. He always leans on things he should not and I cannot say more than that. These topics could become problematic if developed

8) (Censored). So huge conflict happened between X and either a member or someone who works in the company. I don’t know if it’s staff or member.

-> BTS

6)(Censored). Good news for his ex but not him. I don’t know why they came back or if they are gonna work it out or not. I don’t know if it’s really a good thing considering what happened between them in the past. This is perhaps jut a ex reunion and won't last long

-> Who is this ex?

I don’t know. Most of the people BTS went out will were non idols, rich background and Chaebols.

-> BND

1) (Censored). I don’t know the female idol.

2)(Censored).

5)He is from maknae line. He had trouble in fitting with the group. And finding his own space. He feels like other members maybe don’t like him. Maybe he is introverted that he finds it hard to connect with his members.

-> EXO

4)They are one of top 3 most loved member in this group. He is a genuine person but when it comes to his idol image he puts a lot of work into it cause he knows people will not love his true personality. His real personality is somone who had a lot of boundaries, restrictions and he doesn’t take shit from no one. But the image the company put on him is silly one. That’s why he hides a lot of his true emotions and uses his façade. In reality he is someone very mature, strict with himself and others.

-> Enhypen

1)(Censored). That boy is smart when it comes to business. He know to handle company, how to get tea and receipts about people and knows how to use it.

2) (Censored).

3) (Censored).

4) (Censored). He might have done something with other people- people in the industry or other idols they might have receipts/screenshots/pictures on things he might have done/days that could potentially ruin his career. But at the moment they are not using those on him and he thinks he is protected but he is not. They could use it any moment.

5) (Censored).

-> Itzy

5) (Censored) she didn't ended the contract with her company.. Only with her sponsor who she dated before.

-> Seventeen

3 )(Censored).

5 ) a member of the dancing team that has been seducing this person that is married, when he himself is already in another relationship. This could get complicated if he keeps with this

7)(Censored).

12) (Censored). Something in his energy that’s like someone is messing with him. Through spirituality or emotionally or directly not much idea, since I couldn't properly look Into it. This person is just trying to upset (Censored) or someone is just being very mean to him.

-> StrayKids:

1)You might already know this member. Lately the music this member has been producing has been has nothing to do with their love for music/composition. More so now doing for money. The reason why the music shifted is it’s not to share a feeling or share something you’ve been working on anymore. It has lost the inner soul touch. He has also been spending a lot of money on things unreasonable. Spending money without thinking.

2)(Censored). Everytime I have been reading for him from last year, his mental health has been downgrading. I fear for him

3)(Censored).

5)(Censored). Though that was not from anything he did. Someone did it to him. I don’t know why they did that to him or it’s just a manifestation. Maybe someone around him really liked him and they went to see shaman and tried things and it’s affecting his energy.

6) (Censored)

-> TXT

2) (Censored).

3) (Censored).

-> RIIZE:

2) That member was in NCT before they debuted on riize.

4)(Censored)

-> NCT Dream

4)(Censored) -this tea might be biased, cause it’s fragmented energy that I get from him right now cause of his burn out and also the hiatus.

5)Can’t speak of it.

-> LSS

1)She has trust issues. Not as a person or a woman but when it comes to being an idol. Sacrificed a lot emotionally, physically, financially the most out of all the members. She is ready to do anything and everything to stay on top.

3)Cannot name but she might pretend she is very nice n kind but Behind the scenes if you ask for a favour she will look you up andn down and move on. Not Yunjin.

-> Gidle

3)(Censored). Regarding Lifestyle could be seen as reckless and might become problem later. she is someone who suffered a lot of trauma and she is trying to use anything to espace that reality

5) (Censored).

-> MonstaX

5) (Censored)

-> Do you have any idols that you do not like cause of readings and stuff and if so who?

Take this lightly. It’s not absolute truth because It’s only my perception and I energetically don’t vibe with them and energetically speaking I don’t feel very comfortable reading them. Yujin, Aaron, Suga, Jeonghan. I have hard time connecting with them. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people to their core. It’s just my perception, not being able to read them or feeling nauseous when reading for them. There might be some bad reading experiences with them as well, or things I saw that I wish I didn't. those could have influenced/biased my opinion. Also it's through tarot so I don’t want people to hate on them without having concrete proof.

-> Is Hongjoong love life ok? Because you said something like he was kinda attracted to (Censored), so I was wondering if their current relationship is build in convenience?

Hongjoong and (Censored) are not dating each other, not seeing each other officially. None of them are committing to each other due to work/schedules but are still seeing each other In a non official relation way.

-> About skz n*5, I used to get this Empress card whenever I did a reading for them regarding love situation.

Interesting , Maybe they are the one that’s poisoning their energy. The things many readers get are only fragmented and not the whole picture. Some people will have some parts and others will have some others parts and it seems like yours connects with my reading well. So that’s why I say take the readings in Tumblr with a grain of salt!

-> Do you think Suga and Kihyun still keep in touch as friends?

Not at the moment. And I don’t think they’ve been talking to each other in quite sometime.

-> Wasn’t Hongjoong in a relationship last reading you made? It was (Censored) that your were talking about in that?

It could be her but it also could not be her. There is one other person than (Censored), Hongjoong is talking to. She might be a side interest. It was confusing I couldn’t figure that out.

-> Is Seonghwa jealous with Hongjoong & (Censored) and he don’t like (Censored)?

He is funny in a way that he hates or dislikes all the people his members have dated or are close to. I don’t know if he is just a possessive person like that or if it's because he has underlying reasons.

-> Any updates about Bk identity?

no updates. It’s highly possible they and Hyunjin are not together anymore.

-> Wooyoung love update?

He still has eyes on his person he loves but I cannot confirm if they are together.

-> Recently Bibi made a collab with Ateez. They danced in some of her MV. So maybe something happened between Bibi and Wooyoung?

Nothing happened between them when it comes to physical things.

-> Can I ask about Mingi love life recently?

Mingi is in a complicated situation. There is a lot of jealousy and moodiness around his relationship. He’s unable to trust the person he loves cause he’s thinking they are probably cheating on him. He’s struggling with trust and immaturity.

-> What do you think about ex member(woojin) energy?

I don’t like it. I’ve only read for him once and I don’t think I’ll reading for him again nor plan to.

-> Sometimes I heard some voice in language I don’t understand when I did meditation. And sometimes I smell scents like rotten meat and smoke, but when I ask my friend they don’t smell anything?

Oh this is not good at all. Hearing voices in unknown language n smelling foul things, I would advise you to stop meditating and do a house/your space cleanse. Because that is not normal. You could be traveling to the lower astral instead of the higher astral and that can be dangerous if you have no idea what you are doing/ or if you aren't energetically protected/have made no protection ritual before engaging. Cleanse you house, your space, your room and do a protection circle before meditation.

-> Am I jinxing myself with constant doubting/overthinking about the opportunities I have?

I don’t even need to do a reading because when you convince yourself that what you have done is not good, overthinking ,doubting a lot, it will literally manifest. If you are putting bad energy out there and into yourself, there's no way good things come out. You are self sabotaging. So try your best to think positively and when you feel the bad thoughts come out, try to rationalize it. Try not to put the negative thoughts out there and do not vocalize them.

-> How is Garam doing? do u see her stepping back in the spotlight becoming successful in acting?

I don’t know how she is doing, I haven’t done any readings on her since she left.

-> What do you think about Garam’s energy, yongie?

I don’t mind it but it’s not that good either. Also I’ve done only one reading on her, so not much opinion.

-> Yongie I always sponge people's energy. What can I do?

When it comes to sponging you could try to protect your energy through crystals- eye of falcon, eye of tiger, black tourmaline, obsidian, clear quartz. Another tip is when you get to know that these emotions are not yours, try to process them and let them go.

-> Can energies change over time?

Yes. They are always shifting.

-> Will there be an IZ*ONE reunion?

No, not for now.

-> Is kep1er gonna disband?

It seems like some sponsors of some girls are actually pushing for disbanding and for them to be soloists. I think 3 members are going to debut in a new group after.

#astroyongie #podcast #tea

[katnisspeetaprim]

Wedding Day

One shot version of the wedding for the Always, Us couple.

Warnings: established relationship, female reader, idol!au, swearing, alcohol, public sexual activity, oral (m receiving)

Word Count:1455 M.list

The big day was finally here, your wedding day. Well.... Technically you and Yoongi were already married, having eloped together much to the disappointment of your parents, so you wanted do it this way too, just as a formality.

Even though the ceremony wasn’t something you were rushing to do, getting the perfect dress was always a childhood dream.

You could already feel your emotions building up as you left the dressing room. Your mom and group mates gasped in excitement when you stepped in front of them, the attendant fanning out the bottom of the dress for you.

‘Oh honey!’ Your mom gasped out, tears already forming as she took you in. ‘You look beautiful!’

Your members all nodded in agreement, all too stunned to speak. You looked down, suddenly becoming shy.

‘I know it’s not a traditional wedding dress, but I love it.’ You ran your hands over the expensive material. It was baby pink, and was covered in a mesh adorned with flowers. Definitely not traditional , but you never were someone to follow the crowd.

‘Who cares if it’s traditional!? You look so amazing Y/N!’ Yuna stood up and excitedly grasped your hands. You were both practically jumping up and down at this point.

‘You’ve always had such good taste! I can’t wait to see our bridesmaids dresses!’ Chi and Mallory squealed in delight. Yoongi was going to love this dress you just knew it.

Hopefully he would feel the same about your wedding night lingerie set.

‘Aish.... Why am I so nervous today?’ Yoongi shook himself out in an attempt to calm himself. Usually he would be the one to keep it together, but that morning he’d forced everyone to get ready at the crack of dawn, when they didn’t need to be ready till at least 8AM.

‘Hyung, you’re already married! You weren’t nervous the first time.’ Hoseok shot the older man an unimpressed look, not even hiding the fact he was annoyed at his early wake up call that morning.

‘It’s not the same! That was just us...’ Yoongi groaned out as he fixed his hair for the hundredth time that morning.

‘Yoongi.’ Jin appeared behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Relax. Today is about you and Y/N.’ Yoongi looked at his hyung through the mirror, before taking a deep breath and nodding.

‘Hey.’ Jungkook knocked on the open door, drawing attention to himself. ‘It’s time.’

Yoongi stood at the end of the isle, with the other 6 BTS members at his side. Usually, weddings had the same number of groomsmen and bridesmaids, but it would feel wrong to walk down the isle with anyone other than your members in front of you.

Yoongi felt the anxiety bubble up again when the music started to play, but this time it was the good kind, butterfly’s.

He turned and his breath hitched in his throat when he finally saw you. You looked simply stunning as you walked arm in arm with your father. You were holding back your own tears as you focused on Yoongi doing the same.

As you reached the end of the isle, Yoongi bowed to your father who in turn, offered his hand to shake.

Your father was a hard man to please, but he’d always said you did good with Yoongi.

Yoongi took your hands in his and kissed your knuckles.

‘You look beautiful.’ He whispered in your ear so nobody else could hear him. You blushed deeply at the compliment.

‘You look handsome too.’

Your ceremony went by in a blur. Everything went off without a hitch, apart from some paparazzi apparently trying to get into the venue, but your security dealt with them before they even got past the front gates. You were now about halfway through the reception.

Your heels had long since been disregarded under one of the tables so you could go crazy on the dance floor.

‘Yoongi! Come dance with me!’ You’d bunched up your dress and ran over to Yoongi, who was sat down talking to Namjoon, glass of whiskey in his hand.

You grabbed his arm and pulled him. Yoongi whined in fake distress.

‘Yah~ I’m fine here.’ You took the glass from his hand and put it away from him.

‘Come on!’ he threw his head back and groaned, but smiled and got up anyway.

Near the end of the night, you and Yoongi had managed to sneak away to the gardens of the venue, so you could have a moment together.

‘You should have put your shoes back on before coming out here.’ Yoongi chastised when he saw you wince after stepping on a rock.

‘You try wearing heels since 8AM!’ You scoffed as you sat down on the bench, and started rubbing your sore foot. Yoongi sat close and leaned in for a kiss. You smiled into him and stroked his arm. Pulling away, you lay your head on his shoulder. He’d removed his jacket now, so he was just wearing his thin dress shirt.

His hand gently stoked your bare arm, goose bumps forming under the cool night breeze.

‘I’m glad we did this.’ You whispered, bringing your hand up to his chest.

‘Me too.’ He kissed the top of your head, your delicate hair having long since come loose.

‘Honeymoon time?’ You joked, moving to sit up. Yoongi laughed.

‘You and I both know we don’t have time for that.’

‘Well we still have tonight.’ You smirked, leaning in to nibble on his ear lobe. Yoongi shivered and threw his arm round the bench. You took the opportunity to pepper kisses along his throat, drawing out a low moan from the man.

He suddenly lunged and pulled you to straddle his lap. You could already feel his semi hard member pressing against you.

You eagerly leaned down and kissed him feverously. Yoongi brought his hands to cup your bum as your tongues meshed together. He moaned when you unconsciously ground down on his member. He trailed his hand up your body and slipped it inside your dress, squeezing your breast a few times before he chuckled lowly.

‘Shit... You’re making me so hard.’ Yoongi breathed out.

‘That’s the idea.’ You laughed breathily, gasping when he rolled your nipple between his fingers. Yoongi smirked against your lips.

‘We should stop.’ You groaned against him, but got off anyway.

‘Fuck.’ He mumbled, trying to adjust his member to a comfortable position. You smirked and licked your lips, before running your hand over his bulge.

‘You know, nobody will come out here. I could help you out.’ Yoongi knew he should say no, that you had a wedding to get back to, but a man has needs. You quickly unzipped his pants and pulled his dick free, instantly taking it in your hand. Yoongi hissed when the cold air hit him, but threw his head back at your touch.

Slowly, you jerked him for a few moments, before leaning over and licking along the shaft. Yoongi couldn’t stop his whines as you took him in your mouth, licking him with your tongue as you bobbed up and down.

He pulled your hair from your face as you sucked him, moaning into the air as you hit the sweet spot over and over.

‘Fuck. I’m gonna cum.’ You smirked around his dick, already knowing he was close from the way he was bucking his hips. When you didn’t pull away, he sped up his movements, knowing you would take it all.

‘Fuck! Yes!’ Yoongi cried out and held your head down as he came, his seed shooting down your throat. You choked slightly when he hit the back of your throat, but you still swallowed every drop.

You were still connected to Yoongi’s dick with a line of saliva when you pulled away, so you quickly wiped at your mouth and sat up with a smile. Yoongi looked fucked out. His arms were spread out on the back of the bench and his head was thrown back as he breathed heavily.

‘You always give the best head baby.’ You scoffed and pushed him jokingly.

‘Put your dick away. We’re in public.’ He flashed you a gummy smile as he began to laugh.

‘Oh so now you want to be modest?’ He cringed when he realized he would have to put his dick back into his pants wet. He needed to find a bathroom fast. Before that though, he turned back towards you and placed his fingers under your chin, before leaning in to kiss you.

‘And don’t worry.’ His sultry voice whispered in your ear, making you shudder. ‘I’ll take care of you tonight. In every way possible ’

#bts #bts x reader #imagine #one shot #scenario #reaction #drabble #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #smut #angst #fluff #idol!au

[yutahoes]

Polarity

Chapter Eleven

Masterlist

characters: mafia boss! Yuta Nakamoto x innocent! florist! reader

summary: While running away, you seemed to be moving closer to the man you were avoiding. Are you even heading to the right direction?

chapter word count: 6.8k words

chapter genre: fluff, smut

chapter warning: language, lots of kissing, MC has low self-esteem issues, mention of sexual abuse (please see past chapters), trauma, sex talks, female masturbation, horny MC, a little backstory, blood, oral-male receiving

taglist: @sourirensoleillee @kyuprincess @nuoyipeach @anonjyxd @a-bts-world @a-place-filled-with-random @smolbeanieee @yumilovesavocado @imnotsureokay @dhaly-g @spicyryujin @doodoodove @blueeyedlove-blog1 @kosmoreads @joepomonerof @calipsou @yutadae @juungvely @hangyeomcult @cherrphoenix @itsyntt @winterwritesblog @yutazen27 @ytzvivi @brightestmark @yujaesstuff @johnbanana @fullsunncit @loverofnct @127lvr4 @scuzmunkie

You were tired. 

Your body ached and you don’t know why. Is it because of what you and Yuta did last night? Wait, you didn’t do anything. You were just lying in bed while he does all the action. So why are you so tired?  

Yet your body felt very tired. 

Maybe because you didn’t have the right sleep last night. You thought you’ll sleep soundly in Yuta’s arms but the words he said before you drift off to sleep only made you awake. 

“I love you, Y/N.” 

The L word. The words you never dreamed he’ll say to you. 

Your stomach felt warm as he hugged you from the back, his hand slipping on your waist. You quickly closed your eyes, pretending to sleep. “You’re not a dream,” He released a relieved sigh before kissing the back of your head. “You’re really here with me.” Is he talking to himself? Or talking to you? Does he know that you’re awake? “I wish every day would be like this.” 

This feels so surreal. He’s a handsome man, a man who holds the power. He’s everything you wish for in a person and someone that you can’t resist. It’s no wonder that you fell for him. But why would this overly-attractive man fall for you? Is there a moment, an encounter with Yuta, that would make him fall for you? 

This is a fairytale. A dream. 

And you need to wake up from this dream. 

You opened your eyes but the warmth of his touch still lingers on your skin. Even if you look at it in any way, he’s real. He’s not a dream. 

You turned around to face him, moaning sleepily. He giggled before landing a soft peck on your lips. “Good morning,” Yuta greeted with a smile. “Did you have a nice sleep?” Is he teasing you? When you have a sleepless night like this all because of him? You nodded and he kissed you once again, earning a giggle from you. Will every day be like this? 

He leaned in to kiss you, your hands threading on his hair. When you let go of the kiss, you smiled. “Why did you dye your hair blonde?” You didn’t even know why you asked that question that early morning but it’s bugging you. He looks different with blonde hair. “You look better in dark-colored hair.” 

Yuta took a strand of his hair, looking at it. “Because Johnny said you don’t like guys in black hair.” You blinked in surprise. He remembered that? He changed his hair because of that? “I thought that was the reason why you never notice me.” 

“What?” You asked, not believing what you were hearing. Is it this early that your ears are picking up weird statements from him? 

“You always talk to Jaehyun and Mark first. You call them by their name, you call them when you’re in trouble.” You could feel your heart squeezing in your chest. Is this the mafia boss’ version of jealousy? Why is Yuta so adorable like this? “Then your tall childhood friend came and I felt threatened, I might really lose you.” 

Could you survive every day like this? With all the heart-wrenching confessions and sweet words? And this early in the morning? Yuta might give you a heart attack.

Then it occurred to you. The consequences of what you both did last night. You just ran away with him. You didn’t tell Johnny anything, didn’t even inform Sophie. Your eyes widened in surprise. Sophie. “Oh no, Sophie is going to kill me.” You exclaimed, sitting up on the bed and frantically looking around. You didn’t bring anything. You left your purse in Johnny’s car. “Shit, I have to…” 

“I already called Sophie,” You stopped and stared at him. “I also informed Johnny that we’re together.” How? He has Sophie and Johnny’s number? Yet you don’t have any contact with Yuta. Why is he getting jealous when you call Mark or Jaehyun when you’re in trouble when you don’t know how to contact him? “I think it’s Johnny’s flight to Chicago today. I’ll drive you to the airport.” 

“You don’t have to,” Then realized that you literally have nothing. You can’t even go home in your dress and soiled underwear. Why is your life this pathetic? “I think I’ll go home first.” 

Yuta sat up and you were now facing each other, he held your cheeks while smiling warmly at you. “I’ll get you a change of clothes then drive you to the airport.” He doesn’t have to do that. “Don’t leave just yet. I want to spend some more time with you.” 

If this is the mafia boss’ way of being clingy then your heart might really not make it. 

—-

You were astonished once again when the man from last night parked the car in front of a posh-looking boutique with a huge marquee of its name. A name you only heard from the hostesses in the nightclub. You remembered liking a lilac dress that Aeri wore and she mentioned that it was from this shop, a gift by her patron since she cannot buy anything from here. 

The ladies and men in uniform bowed when Yuta came inside, holding your hand. From the interior itself, you can easily claim that this is an expensive thing. Is Yuta really that filthy rich? “Just get anything you want,” Yuta claimed then kissed the back of your palm. You nodded just as a lady in uniform introduced herself as your personal shopper. “I’ll just check something upstairs.” 

You were just standing there, in your braless off-shoulder dress and Yuta’s coat from last night. You didn’t bother wearing the soiled underwear and you wanted to change immediately. “Do you have any preferences, madam?” The woman asked that startled you. Madam? “I’m sorry, do you want me to call you Lady Nakamoto?” A gasp escaped your lips. 

You shook your head. You didn’t have to smile that wide just because of that name. “You can call me Y/N.” 

“I’m sorry but some of the mafia boss’ wives don’t want to be called by their names…” Again Y/N, you don’t have to be that happy. You’re not even Yuta’s wife. Not even his girlfriend. He just said he loves you but there’s no label in this relationship. What are you, even? “I’m sorry.” 

You waved your hand, shaking your head. She doesn’t need to apologize that much. “I think I need to change into comfortable underwear first.” She smiled then nodded. Obviously, she had tended to other customers who had the same problem as yours since she doesn’t seem fazed by it.

The dresses on display were so pretty but it was too much. You can’t imagine wearing something like this every day. It is well-fit for parties and social gatherings. You’re more comfortable wearing jeans but since they only have skirts, you settled on one that reaches your knee. You also picked a white sweatshirt from their last season’s collection since it’s cheaper. The woman guided you in the hallway and into a series of doors where you can change but your feet didn’t move. 

The last time you were inside the dressing room something bad happened to you. If not for Yuta, you might have been sexually abused at that time. The thought of coming inside a dressing room made you scared. What if a person is inside one of the rooms? “Miss Y/N,” the woman in uniform called and you only nodded. “Are you alright?” You tried to nod but your hand was shaking while holding the door handle. 

It must have been a long time since you were standing in front of the door since Yuta can already be seen walking in the hallways towards you. He changed his black dress shirt to a ragged white sweater. It was the first time seeing Yuta in light-colored clothes and he looks like an angel. Shining so bright. “Hey,” he greeted. “Is there something wrong?” 

This is such a small thing so why is it such a big deal for you? Mark finished that man off. You heard the gunshot. You shouldn’t be scared. But the vivid image of the man’s wicked smile while removing the buttons of your blouse doesn’t leave your mind. “Can you come with me inside?” You asked in a soft voice, embarrassed so you just focused on the ground. 

Without any word, he took the clothes you chose from the woman in uniform and opened the door for you. His smile was mischievous at first when he placed the clothes on the small table inside which changed into a frown at your lack of action. “Y/N, are you alright?” You breathed heavily before nodding, taking a step inside the small room with a wall-length mirror on one side. Yuta noticed it and then walked in front of you, “Get changed. I’ll guard the door.” 

You were facing the mirror as you removed the dress from your body. You can easily see Yuta facing the door, avoiding to turn to your way. “Last night…” He started that made you stop wearing the knee-length denim skirt. “Did I make you uncomfortable?” 

“No, you didn’t.” Maybe you were too blinded by pleasure and his gentle touches. Or it was probably your intense yearning for Yuta. From the reflection, you saw him exhale as if relieved. “I’m sorry.” You whispered after putting on the sweatshirt you took. 

Yuta took a quick glance then smiled reassuringly after seeing that you’re all changed. He shook his head, “I’m sorry. I think I was forcing myself on you too much, making you uncomfortable.” But you aren’t anything near uncomfortable with him. You weren’t even awkward with him even if he already saw you naked. “If ever I made you uncomfortable in any way, don’t be scared to tell me.” You nodded which made him smile once again. 

It was such an intense feeling. A foreign feeling growing inside you. You feel calm. At peace. A calmness that you wanted to stay with you forever. Maybe this is the chance to assess what your relationship is. “Give me your hand,” He claimed and you followed him, stretching your hand to his palm up. He placed a phone on your palm, “I’m the only one who knows this number.” He’s giving it to you? Then he placed the same gold card on top of the phone, “This is the key to the penthouse.” 

“Why are you giving these to me?” 

He held your free hand, the other hand rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “I want you to call me whatever happens. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” The cogs in your brains started whirring. This is too much. Isn’t Yuta trusting you too much? “Just tell me whatever you want and I’ll give it to you. Just don’t give up on me.”

Yuta must have been hurt a lot. You don’t have any idea what happened to his parents but the death of his brother is tragic enough. Even Kyoko, who chose another man over him, is heartbreaking. And just like you, he might have needed the reassurance he needs. “I love you, Yuta." 

He held your waist, placing his forehead on yours. “God,” he called which made you giggle. Why is he suddenly calling for the divine being? “How can I get so lucky to be loved by you?” His words made you swoon. A man with a high status such as him acting like a lovesick person for someone like you is beyond what your mind could conjure up. “You are so beautiful.” You are definitely living in a fairytale. 

“And I’m glad I’m the first person to see you like this,” Yuta whispered. You only raised an eyebrow at that. “An upper hand from Johnny Seo.” 

Another giggling fit escaped your lips, “You do have an upper hand.” You started before tiptoeing to place a quick kiss on his lips. “You are the one I love.” 

—

The airport seemed too crowded and it confused you on how Yuta knew where to find Johnny. The last time you were here, you almost went to Johnny’s but Yuta stopped you. Now, the idea only made you laugh. 

“I hope Sophie doesn’t get mad at you,” the taller guy claimed, handing you your purse. “I felt bad that you ditched me last night.” 

You pouted. “I’m sorry,” You lightly glanced at Yuta standing a few feet away from you. “Things happened.” 

Johnny ruffled the top of your head, smiling charmingly. “Well, I’m happy you chose your own happiness.” He crouched down so that his face is a few centimeters away in front of you. “I just wish that Yuta would give you the happiness you truly deserve.” You blinked in surprise. What does he mean by that? It felt positive but the way he said that sentence made you think otherwise. 

You only felt someone pulling you away from Johnny and your back is now leaning on someone’s chest. “Your flight is already boarding, Johnny Seo.” Yuta claimed, smiling teasingly. 

“Good luck with this jealous freak, little kitty cat.” The other guy exclaimed, grinning. He spread his arms wide and you reached out to give him a hug. “I’ll contact you about your dad.” His fingers casually thread on your hair. “Always remember that I’m just a call away, Y/N.” You nodded. 

“Johnny, your flight.” Yuta reminded and you bit your lip to prevent from giggling at that. You only felt Johnny kiss the top of your head before you were once again pulled back by Yuta, his eyes glaring at the taller guy. You remembered crying a lot when he first said goodbye to you. Your first friend. The person who became a mother to you when you needed that particular person in your life. Yuta slipped his arm on your waist, “Are you alright?” 

Somehow, you felt a lot stronger now. You are just smiling at the person you used to call ‘Mother’, waving at him enthusiastically. You didn’t even shed a tear even if you weren’t sure when you can see him again. 

Mother. Johnny was right. Sophie best fits that nickname now. 

You smiled, “I suddenly miss Sophie.” 

The ride back to Sophie’s place was a little short. Yuta was busy talking to someone on the phone and you heard that he’s meeting another mafia boss for lunch. To be honest, you still haven’t wrapped up your head on what a mafia boss does. You know they get into violent fights a lot but where did they get all the money they have? Isn’t it illegal? Will you get in trouble if you remain to be this close to a mafia boss? 

The car stopped in front of your apartment building but you waited for Yuta to finish his call. During the whole car ride, he was holding your hand and playing with your fingers. “Thank you for driving me home,” You claimed then thanked the driver as well. “I will…”

“I’ll walk you upstairs,” Yuta claimed, putting down his phone and lightly glanced at the driver who went out of the car and opened the door for him. What? He doesn’t need to do that. He has a lunch meeting and he’ll be late if he doesn’t leave now. Yet, he was already opening the door on your side of the car and lending a hand for you to take. 

It was awkward. Your palms are sweaty from all the hand-holding but he kept his hold on you as you walked to the elevator. “You don’t have to walk me up.” 

Once inside, he pulled you closer. “I want to spend as much more time with you.” He held your cheek with his free hand, placing his lips on you. “I don’t know when I can see you again. When I can kiss you like this again.” He placed another soft kiss on your lips. “Let me just indulge in you for a while.” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, parting your lips to let his tongue enter your mouth. How many times have you kissed? But you can’t get enough of him. This is bad. You’re getting addicted to Yuta Nakamoto. The elevator opened but you’re still in his warmth. Yuta was right. You don’t know when you’re going to see him again. Doesn’t know when you’re going to be in his arms again. You should maximize all the time you have with each other. The elevator door closed but you were still in his arms, kissing his lips. 

—--

Sophie has her arms crossed, glaring at you sternly. She’s really such a mom. “I’m sorry,” You whispered, rubbing your hands to apologize to her. “I left my phone so I can’t call you.” You explained then sighed, “And I should have called you last night. I thought I’m going to die.” 

She raised an eyebrow then smiled mischievously. “So you spent the night with Yuta Nakamoto and he kissed you goodbye after bringing you home,” she started. Yuta already explained the situation to her when she opened the door for the two of you. She remained stoic that he only kissed your goodbye, promising that he’ll call you. “Is he good in bed?” 

You gasped at the direct question but she only slapped your arm, teasing you that you shouldn’t be innocent since something clearly happened between you and Yuta. Is it that obvious? “I don’t know,” You answered quietly then continued, “But I felt that...” She raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You know that pleasurable body-shaking release.” 

“Oh, my God! He gave you an orgasm.” She shouted, repeatedly slapping your arm. “Is he big?” It was your turn to give her a confused look. Big? “The innocent attitude isn’t fitting now that your virginity is taken.” Oh. That. “I’m so proud…” 

“He didn’t remove his pants.” Sophie’s eyes widened in surprise. “He said he’ll take care of it.” 

“And you just let him?” She screamed against your ear. Why is she so loud? And why is this conversation so embarrassing? She hit you with a throw pillow that made you hiss in pain. Why is she hitting you so much? “He gave you an orgasm and you didn’t do anything for him? How stupid!” 

But what are you even supposed to do? You don’t even know what to do for him at that time. Can you even repay the pleasure he gave you? “What should I do?” 

“Jerk his cock off, suck him off.” Huh? “Bite his head off.” What? “Next time you’ll meet, make sure that you give him a mind-blowing experience, Y/N.” You’re now suddenly dreading to see him. Are you even ready for this? And what if you cannot give him that mind-blowing experience? Will he leave you? Will that be the last time you’ll feel that body-shaking orgasm? “Wait, so how did he give you an orgasm if he didn’t penetrate you?”

“His fingers,” Then in a soft voice, “His tongue.” 

Sophie gasped and then screamed, slapping your arm once again. “God damn it! You are a lucky bitch.” 

A bitch. That was what you feel now. A female dog always waiting for her master. A female dog wagging her tail when his master gives her attention. Yuta called that night, asking how you were or what were you doing. You were just lying on the bed and he just whispered that he wanted to be in the same bed as you. His voice was low, erotic. That you started touching yourself. 

The warmth of his lips is still imprinted on your body. The feel of the rough pad of his fingers, as they caress your skin, makes your body blaze as if in fire. Your fingers trailed the same path as what Yuta did last night, from your neck, shoulder, breasts, and down to your stomach. Breathing heavily, you dipped your finger south. Your forefinger circled your clit before two fingers entered your wet folds. "Y/N, are you there?" His voice whispers your name against your ear, earning your body the pleasure that you are so familiar with. A moan escaped your lips as you loudly heard the squelching sound your fingers made, along with the light giggle from the phone. "Naughty Y/N. Do you like that?" 

You bite your lips, turning around so that you are stomach-flat on the bed. Your face buried on the pillow as you released a throaty scream when you wet yourself. The orgasm, you've done it to yourself. Although it's not as intense as what Yuta gave you, it's still there. "Did you enjoy that?" You forgot that Yuta was still on the phone with you. Why are you so blinded by pleasure? “I wish I was there to watch you.” 

You are a bitch. A bitch in heat for this man. 

The dirty doings transcend to your dreams that you always wake up feeling bothered, hot, and horny. Truly, a bitch. You were never like this before and it’s making you crazy. You wanted to feel that intense pleasure again but Yuta just messaged that he's heading to Shanghai for a week. To ease the heat you were feeling, you started watching porn which is out of character for you. You watched diligently how to pleasure yourself and how to send a man into his own orgasm, as Sophie suggested. 

It was weird that you felt guilty for thinking erotic thoughts about the man you had an intimate moment with, especially seeing his niece. It was a feeling you had before, when you thought she was his daughter. But Momo was only smiling at you, excited to see you. Miss Han was just behind her, watching over the younger girl as she selected orange flowers. "And Yuta told me to get you a white lily." You smiled then took the flowers she chose, arranging them in a bouquet. 

"Do you miss Yuta?" Momo asked but you only smiled timidly. You do. But who are you to ask for his time when you knew he was busy? "I miss him and Uncle Mark whenever they leave abroad," She claimed then fiddled her thumbs, continuing in a soft voice. "I wish they wouldn't leave anymore." You only pursed your lips at that. 

"I wish they wouldn't get hurt that much." 

The lover of a mafia boss. Sophie teasingly calls you that. Sooner or later, as she claims, you're going to run the mafia like the lady of the house. The mafia boss' wife. Even the store employees from when you purchased clothes called you that. But what does it take to be associated with the mafia? What does it take to be dating a mafia boss? 

You cannot just give him pleasure sexually, you need to do your part to help him. Momo is worried that they would get hurt. But what exactly are they doing in Shanghai that would hurt them? You wished Yuta would just call you and assure you that he is still alive. You need to know what you should do to stop these worrying thoughts. 

If only you could talk to a mafia boss' wife. 

But the only mafia boss' wife you know is Kyoko and you didn't have that great impression of each other. Who should you talk to? 

The struggle to find someone who you can talk to has brought you in front of Fortune Club. If there is one person who might know things about the mafia world, that would be the owner of this club. Mama. 

It feels weird to be the customer and not the waitress in the club. The girls are happy to see you and excited for a quick chat but the busy night prevented them from doing so. Lexi was walking to her regular when you met eyes and she gave you a raise of an eyebrow. "Mama is in her office, ready to see you." One of the bouncers claimed and you followed him to the homey office which smells of tea. Mama was all smiles at you, asking you to sit down. 

You don't know what to do right now. You don't even know why you went here in the first place but she made sure that you can feel that you're welcomed in the club you once worked at. "I'm glad you visited. I was worried about you," She started while pouring a green liquid into teacups. But her statement startled you. Worried about you? "Do you miss him?" 

Honestly, you don't know what you're feeling right now. You don't miss him that much. You were just starting this - you weren't sure if you could call it a relationship - so you didn't know what to expect. You weren't talking much to each other even before, why would that change now that you two were more open to your feelings for each other? "I think I'm more worried." You confessed, holding the teacup with both your hands and watching the smoke coming up from the warm tea. "I don't know what this is. I don't even know what I should do, Mama." 

She gave you an assuring smile. "Y/N, you have to understand that a mafia boss is prone to danger. You might be seeing him now but you're not sure what will happen later." She claimed. "That is the hardest factor in your relationship with him." 

You sighed heavily. It is. Maybe that's why you're more worried about this. You don't know when you can see Yuta again. If you can even see him again. Maybe that was why Momo said those things. 

Mama sipped her tea, "So what are you and Yuta now?" You shrugged, you haven't labeled anything from what you have. You weren't sure if you can call yourself Yuta's girlfriend now. A lover perhaps? “Did he at least tell you that he’s crazy about you?” Wait, how did Mama know about that? “He kept coming back here and asking me what he was feeling about you. I think that kid loves you.” 

“He did say he loves me.” 

The surprise in her reaction confused you. Does she not expect that much from Yuta? “He did?” She sipped on her tea once again. “He didn’t even say that word to Kyoko and just asked her to marry him.” He did? But why are you surprised? He did mention that he found out about love because of you. “You might really be the real thing for him.” 

Does she know Yuta so well that she assumed those things? Does she not like Yuta confessing to you? Are they perhaps ex-lovers? “Mama, are you and Yuta…” You trailed off, not sure on what word to use. Yet you knew she understood you when she laughed wholeheartedly while shaking her head. 

“He’s like a son to me.” She cleared up, “You see, I was his father’s lover.” You almost dropped the teacup at the revelation. His father’s lover? The older woman smiled at you. “ When their mother died in the hospital, their father was with me. His brother loathed me for that but Yuta was the only one who said that their father can’t do anything even if he’s in the hospital.” Her voice was quieter as if reliving that time, thumb fiddling with the rim of the teacup. “I’ve always thought that kid would do great things in the future.” 

“His father’s lover?” You repeated, “When their mother died, you didn’t marry him?” 

Mama leaned on her chair, smiling. “I’ve always known that I’m not meant to be a mafia boss’ wife.” But she’s already his lover. Is there a difference between the two? “Y/N, being the wife requires great courage and sacrifice. A mafia boss gets hurt a lot, his life is always on the line. And once you hold the mafia last name, you are also susceptible to that danger.” Of course. That made perfect sense. “As a wife, you are expected to wait for him. You have to experience all the anxiousness of your husband being dead or alive. You have to experience being worried that someone might take you or kill you that instant.” 

She leaned in, placing her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her clasp hands. “If you’re just his lover, you aren’t expected to wait for him. You’re free from all the anxiousness, all the nervousness.” She narrated and you nodded. It does make sense. “You just need to accept what he gives you and don’t have to give something in return.”  

In some ways, the talk with Mama had made something clear in you. The stark difference between being just a lover and being the mafia boss’ wife. You weren’t sure on what path you and Yuta will head to but it only made you more worried about what might happen in the future. If he did just want you to be his lover, does that mean he had to find himself a different wife? And if he asks you to be his wife, is he going to find a lover? You shook your head, Yuta isn’t like that. He loves you. You have to accept what he gives you and be grateful for that. You have to make every little moment count the next time you meet. 

But will you ever meet again? 

Something in your bag vibrated that startled you. Quickly, you took the phone Yuta gave you and stared at the screen revealing his name. You have never clicked the green button that quickly and answered an over-excited hello. “Hi, love.” It was Yuta. “Are you outside? Where are you?” 

Somehow his voice is breathless. “I’m heading home from Mama’s place.” 

“I’ll ask someone to pick you up and bring you here in the apartment.” 

Wait. He’s back? “I can take a cab to go there.” You whispered and quickly glanced around for any sign of taxi cabs. “Are you alright?” 

“I just want to see you.” He whispered, followed by a loud gasp. He doesn’t sound alright. “I miss you.” You didn’t realize how much you missed him after listening to his voice. 

“I miss you, too.” 

It was a short ride to the luxurious building. The cab driver was eyeing you weirdly and you grew nervous. Is this what Mama said about being in danger? Does he know that you’re going to a mafia boss? Maybe you should have just said yes to Yuta’s offer to pick you up. Luckily, the doorman of the building was at your aid. You thanked him after paying the driver and he even told you to use the VIP elevator, followed by the name ‘Mrs. Nakamoto’. Mrs. Nakamoto? And how did he know that you’re meeting Yuta? 

That didn’t matter much as you entered the penthouse and saw blood droppings on the floor. “Yuta?” You called while removing your shoes and you only heard a soft voice coming from the living room area. Once you turned the corner of the receiving area, following the trail of blood drops, you saw a lot of blood-soaked gauze on the floor. Yuta was sitting on the couch, medicine to clean wounds on the table in front of him. “What happened?” He was pulling a thread from his skin to close the wound on his right abdomen. 

“It’s nothing.” It doesn’t even look like nothing. But his face isn’t even showing pain. Even the way he stitched up his own wound seemed too professional. “It’s a small slash.” 

A small slash? Yet, he needed to stitch it up? Is he too used to getting hurt that this seemed nothing to him? “Do you need any help?”       

He smiled, shaking his head. “Just seeing you here is enough.”   

'You just need to accept what he gives you and don’t have to give something in return.' It’s not like you don’t want to give him something in return. But what can you honestly give him when he has everything and you have nothing? Maybe, like Mama, you aren’t fit to be a mafia boss’ wife. 

He cut up the thread and covered the wound with gauze. Maybe you should learn how to do that and help him next time. “You should let Jaehyun see that wound.” 

Yuta shook his head, putting the medicine in the kit. “This will heal. Jaehyun would just tell me things I already know.” But isn’t it better to ask for a professional’s help in this matter? You helped him keep the things he used. “He only has the license but I still top him in class.”  

It sounded like a brag but what surprised you is he was in the same class as Jaehyun. “You’re supposed to be a doctor?” You asked, blinking at the idea. He nodded, laughing at your surprised face. It answered one of the questions you have in mind. If he’s not a mafia boss, Yuta might have been a doctor. He might be working in a large hospital, wearing those white robes that add attractiveness to anyone. He’s in high society and you’re at the bottom, the same as now. There’s really no way you’ll meet each other that way.  

And somewhat you’re relieved that he became a mafia boss. 

“Are you that surprised?” He gestured for you to come sit beside him and you complied, leaving the medicine kit on the table. Once you were within his reach, he quickly wrapped you in his arms for a tight hug. “I missed you so bad.” He whispered, breath warm against your neck. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to hug you like this again. It scared me.” You realized that this would be the constant dilemma you and Yuta will have. The downside of being in love with a mafia boss. 

Mama was right. Love isn’t just enough. You need to sacrifice a lot of things to be with Yuta: not seeing your dad, the fear of not being enough for him, and the unsure future. And you need courage. 

The courage to stay with him whatever happens. The courage to always choose him. 

Your arms wrapped around his neck in a tight hug. “I love you, Yuta.” His hands removed your clasp on him before holding your cheeks to place a soft kiss on your lips. A needy kiss that you desperately crave. His tongue slipped between your lips. His warmth and dominance send flames into your body. 

His lips were red and swollen when he let go of you, breathing harshly while staring at you with hooded eyes. “Fuck, I want you.” He whispered before he cursed once again. “But I can’t move much. Curse this wound.” 

You giggled at that before your fingers trailed on his bare chest. “Then, is it alright if I do something for you?” He looked confused before you gently kissed his chest. You have to give him that mind-blowing pleasure that he let you experience to return the favor. You need to put all your studying into action. You have to make Sophie proud. 

Curse words kept on coming out his lips as you trailed butterfly kisses on his chest. You gently sucked and licked his nipple which earned a low groan from him. A sexy sound like music in your ears. The way that his sounds were becoming louder as you head south of his torso gave you much confidence that you kneeled in front of him, parting his legs. “Y/N,” he called, “You don’t have to do this.” 

You stared at him, breathing harshly. “I want to.” 

“Fuck.” He leaned in to kiss your lips. “I love you so much.” You smiled before your shaking fingers undo the button of his pants and unzip his fly. Yuta’s eyes closed, which gave you a signal to continue what you were doing. 

Along with a groan coming out his lips as you pulled down his pants, a gasp escaped your lips. He’s big. You can now proudly tell Sophie that he’s bigger than the vibrator she uses. It’s weird how the other penises from porn look white or dark in color but Yuta’s look so red and throbbing as if it will explode. Wait, is he turned on already? But you haven’t done anything. 

You trailed your fingers on the vein of his cock and he bit his lip, jerking his hip up. You rubbed your forefinger on the tip and he let out a string of curses that made you smile. Either he’s mad or he probably likes it too much. You placed a soft kiss on his tip and a groan can be heard followed by your name yet you only focus on giving him the utmost pleasure you can give. You focused on his balls, licking and lightly sucking before your tongue went north to his shaft, stopping on the tip. 

You took him in your mouth, bobbing your head up and down while occasionally looking at Yuta's reaction. His eyes were closed, his chest heaving up and down, as silent whispers of your name escaped his lips. You only have seen that reaction in porn videos you currently watch, when a guy was on the verge of his release. Maybe you’re doing a good job. 

To further elevate his pleasure, you gently bit the tip of his throbbing cock and his eyes shot wide that instant. “Love, that hurts.” The pet name made your heart skip a beat in your chest. “Use less teeth.” But Sophie said to bite his head off. Is that metaphorical? You followed him by taking him once again in your mouth, gently letting the tip on your throat without gagging. His fingers thread on your hair as he thrusts his hip up. A sign that he likes it. You are indeed doing a great job. 

And that was further agreed upon when he started groaning in a low tone, calling your name as if chanting a prayer. “I’m cumming.” He warned, gently pulling your hair but resisting him by keeping his ock in your mouth and letting him spurt all his cum in your mouth. “Y/N, you don’t have to…” You gulped the slimy, salty goo in your mouth. “Swallow.” 

He stared at you in a mixture of confusion and astonishment. You read that guys love girls who swallow so you did. And it doesn’t taste that bad, but not that good either. It’s weird. That’s the only adjective you can think of. You wipe your lips from the drool and some remaining cum with the back of your fingers, his eyes still fixated on you. Surprise was all you can feel when he pulled you up and let you sit on his lap. You were even careful not to graze his wound but he only held you by the waist, staring at your eyes. The chocolate brown gaze makes your body melt. “That was amazing,” He complimented, earning a light blush on your cheeks. “Where did you learn all that?” 

You were ashamed of your actions. But you’ll feel more embarrassed if he thinks that you frequently do all these things to others so it’s better to come clean. “Porn,” You whispered, looking bashful as you said the following words. “I wanted to learn to give you an amazing orgasm.” Yuta giggled, pulling you close for a hug. You wanted to see his face, wanted to know his reaction.     

“You’re adorable, love.” He kissed the side of your neck. “Once this wound is healed, I’ll make sure you won’t be walking for weeks.” You gasped then stared at him wide-eyed. Isn’t that so sadistic? But why are you getting excited? 

A small smile played on your lips, “Then you should take care of yourself and let the wound heal quickly.” Yuta grinned like a young schoolboy. He looks so attractive like this. A different side from the scary mafia that the world sees. A side that only you can see. You wanted him to be happy, smiling like this, all the time. You are sure you’ll do everything to make him this happy.

Even if it costs you everything you have. 

“Y/N,” He called and you hummed in response. His eyes stared at yours. Chocolate brown eyes looking all so serious that you felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Your breathing started to knock on your lungs as your heartbeat tenfold against your chest. You wanted him to smile, not to look all serious like this. 

The words coming out of his lips made your heart drop in your chest. 

The words you have been dreading to hear. 

“Marry me, Y/N.”

Chapter Twelve

#polarity #yuta nakamoto #nakamoto yuta #yuta #yuta smut #yuta nakamoto smut #nakamoto yuta smut #nct yuta #nct yuta nakamoto #nct 127 yuta #nct 127 yuta nakamoto #mafia yuta #mafia yuta nakamoto #yuta chaptered #yuta nakamoto chaptered #nakamoto yuta chaptered

[antash]

Loving you's a crime

Synopsis: Taemin would overturn the world for you. So when your life is put in danger, he will do anything to keep you safe. Even if it means confronting his old past. Follow the journey of Taemin and Y/N as they escape from the trouble coming after them.

Pairing: Taemin x reader Featuring: SHINee, Jimin of BTS, Kai of EXO, Taeyong, Ten & Mark of NCT

Playlist

warning: irregular posting, not edited, reader will be described as female for now

Start: 1.16.24 | End:

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˚₊‧꒰ა❤︎໒꒱ ‧₊

The Letter

⤷ Female Version ⤷ Male Version

The Plan

⤷ Female Version ⤷ Male Version

#kpop #kpop au #kpop scenarios #kpop x reader #taemin #lee taemin #taemin scenarios #taemin x reader #taemin au #shinee au #shinee scenarios #shinee x reader #shinee #taemin imagines #shinee imagines #kpop x poc reader #shinee x poc reader #kpop x female reader

[auroraborealyss]

𝐣𝐣𝐤 | 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜.

⊹ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

⊹ summary: the inevitability of being in a relationship with a popular kpop idol

⊹ tags: idol!jungkook, author!reader, secret relationship, fanboy jungkook, female reader, established relationship

⊹ warnings: fluff with swearing

⊹ word count: 1563

you always knew it was going to happen

and not just because both of you were ready to announce it. you always knew your relationship was going to get leaked because of who jungkook was and because of who you were. your status as an author wasn't as popular as that of a kpop idol, but being a famous author meant you weren't as obscure as you'd like. there were photos and videos of you on the internet which others could digest to learn about you

you had come to terms with it when you answered jungkook's question to be his girlfriend. this was simply one of the requirements to date a member of bts. being in a secret relationship was as beneficial for him as for you. and you never really minded. as an author, you wanted an obscure life. sharing your relationship to the world wasn't an integral part of your relationship

the plot twist of it all was that it would end up being your boyfriend himself who leaked your relationship

you would think that jeon jungkook, member of bts since he was fifteen, would be used to keeping aspects of his life well hidden from the camera. that he, of all people, would be used to it. and honestly, he thought that of himself too

until he met you

turns out, he didn't like the secret aspect of your relationship that much. and when jungkook doesn't like something, he doesn't put much effort into it

he starts dropping the most obvious hints. everyone already knows that he was a fan of your work—that in itself already broke headlines since jungkook had always admitted to not being much of a reader—but he starts to praise you on every social media outlet he has. arms on vlive, instagram, twitter, and weverse are now subjected to his praises of your work and you as an author

of course, some fans will defend him by saying he's just being a fan and should be allowed to express interest in someone without being shipped. and he is a fan. but he's also in love with you. and the smile on his face that pops up whenever he talks about you becomes the biggest evidence that he has feelings for you

on vlive, to an audience of ten million people, he makes the "mistake" of showing his phone to the camera to show the time and also reveals you as his lockscreen. not just that, but the picture he has of you is one no one has seen before (yes, the internet went digging through it and confirmed his lockscreen was the only one. cue some of your readers asking him for that picture.) he has the audacity to act all baffled in front of the camera and don't comment on it. but you're there behind the camera when this happens, and he looks at you with a shit-eating grin as you glower at him

then its revealed this man has a fan page (the magic of army and the internet). you might be an author, but he's a kpop idol, and he's only knows how to be a kpop fan. that picture he has of you as his lock screen? he uploaded it. not all the pictures are privately, of course. some are from public events that he took of you from backstage. but the pictures are up for all to see, much to your incredulousness

he shows his bookshelf once. because he doesn't actually read anything but your book, it's basically just a shrine dedicated to you. he has each version of your book. though he read the korean translated version of your book first, he does own the english version and uses that to study and learn english. (expect him to say your lines to you as that's what he learned.) and let's not get started on him making fan art

you are much better at hiding your relationship. in fact, you give nothing away, and this annoys jungkook a little bit. how could you not mention him in your every sentence? you were dating, weren't you?

the next time you do a live video where you answer questions from your readers, he purposefully texts you. the first time, it was innocent and encouraging, which makes you blush and grow pink as you grow aware that he's watching you

the next time he texts you, it's explicit. this time, you're flustered and turn red. you reader picks up on it your reactions and ask you what you read and who it was. you stumble and say, "it's my—" but stop immediately. you clear your throat and say no one before tossing your phone to the side, much to jungkook's glee on the other side of the live

his public admiration for your work obviously starts to have an impact on your own image. during an interview for your upcoming book, you're caught off guard when the interviewer suddenly asks you for your favourite bts member. it's known that you were an army, of course, so you don't think much of it. you name your bias, which happens to not be jungkookk

jungkook explodes. he posts a video of him reacting to it and acting heartbroken

then the internet explodes. memes are made of his reaction, and more attention is thrown in your direction. questions are asked if you were aware of having captured jungkook's attention.

enter whiny jungkook era

he whines about not being able to show off anything about your relationship (as if he's already been doing a good job.) to appease him, you concede and allow both of you to publicly show a couple accessory. you didn't think he would be the type to want couple accessories and you hoped he'd shoot it down, but this man was fucking thrilled. (you should have known, considering how many accessories he wears). you said something low-key and could be brushed off as coincidental if even noticed

you suggest a ring. a simple band with each other's name or birthday engraved on the inside

he suggests a necklace with your letter hanging from his and his letter hanging from yours. (you smack him for that.)

its what you give him as a birthday present that you find your solution. with him being an idol from korea and you a writer from your country, you're in a long distance relationship for most of the year. not only are you physically separated, but there's a time difference as well

that's why you buy him a pair of watches that are able to display dual time zones. on his watch: korea and your country. on yours: your country and korea. it's perfect as its both a couple accessory but also functional. he does pout at not thinking of it first and you had to pay for it, but you brush it off with a kiss on his cheek and whispering to him, happy birthday

then it happens

the two of you are spotted for the first time

and it's all jungkook's fault

of course people were going to see you two together. he went to your fucking book launch. he stood in line to get his book signed with nothing but a cap that didn't hide his distinguishable jawline, his iconic smile, and his lip piercing

jungkook even brought one of those huge-ass fan cameras and took pictures of you the whole time. as this was a book signing and not a kpop meet and greet, he became very obvious and attracted everyone's attention. when you read the first chapter of your book out loud, he clapped the loudest and even shouted your name. (just be glad he didn't start a fanchant)

"i'm a big fan," he says with a shit-eating grin when it's his turn as you smile murderously at him

when the event is over, you hit him on the arm repeatedly. he only gets you to stop when he wraps his arms around you and holds you close to him, chest to chest. he looks down at you with a pout and admits the truth you already know: he doesn't want to hide your relationship anymore

"I 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝖺𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾," 𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗍𝗌. T𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍-𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗌𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖺𝗄𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗂𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌. T𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌𝗇'𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗌𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂����𝗀, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖾'𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌. H𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗇'𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖺 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖺 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆. A𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋. "I 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝖾. I 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗋𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗂'𝗆 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁.

I𝗍'𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗆𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆. H𝗈𝗐 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗆. "W𝖾𝗅𝗅, 𝗂 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝖼𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖿𝗎𝗅 𝖺𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗎𝗌 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾," 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗅𝗒, 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗋𝗇𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗅𝗂𝗉𝗌 𝗍𝗐𝗂𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗎𝗉𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽.

"W𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝗈 𝗉𝗎𝖻𝗅𝗂𝖼 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝖾?"

"Wi𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀?"

H𝖾 𝗉𝖾𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗄𝗂𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗇𝗌𝖾. "Y𝗈𝗎 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀," 𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗀𝗂𝗀𝗀𝗅𝖾𝗌.

"I 𝖽𝗈, K𝗈𝗈𝗄," 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗋. "I 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎."

H𝖾 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗌 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄, 𝖻𝖾𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀. "I 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈𝗈."

the next day, you and jungkook post a picture of each other from the book launch. jungkook praises his girlfriend for being the best writer he knows, while you thank jungkook for coming out and being your biggest fan

"jagiya!"

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: 𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝖻𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗁𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗃𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗄𝗈𝗈𝗄! 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗇𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖺𝗋𝗒 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾

𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘧!

#bts imagine #bts headcanons #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfiction

[solecize]

  𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (4)

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: a party at the notorious hotel azure, the hot-spot for the top names of south korea's entertainment industry, goes awry. in front of everyone, your relationship reaches it's breaking point - except, it doesn't. 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, fake dating, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), both main characters are very flawed, violence, infidelity, foul language, substance use (illegal drugs) 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. extra warning for heavy substance abuse in this chapter - the usage of this is not meant to be glamourized in any way. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, so please note the underlying commentary on idol life and substance use. as someone who has been diagnosed with substance use disorder, i encourage learning about its complexities and ending stigma around it. there is also a quick note at the end of the chapter regarding its ending. ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤjoin the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤm.list | previous | next

you might just have dealt the final blow stop, you’re losin’ me

TOP HEADLINE TODAY: big hit entertainment releases a trailer on official youtube channel, announcing bts’ upcoming world tourㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤapril 2018

  two years made a night and day difference in your relationship. after the highs and lows that brought several short-term breakups, 2018 was supposed to be your and jungkook’s year. it was a fresh start and the turn of your early twenties was the world at your fingertips. young, beautiful and wealthy - it was a dream for any idol in south korea. 

  a fresh start wasn’t always easy when skeletons lurked in your closet, though. watching your boyfriend pace back and forth in his kitchen, a glass of whiskey on the rocks at hand, jungkook looked completely different. you weren’t sure if you’d finally snapped out of the daze that framed him as a teenager, bursting with energy, but things hadn’t been the same in a long time.

  “yeah, y/n is coming with me,” you heard him say, your ears perking up at the sound of your name. it was hard to read his tone, but something told you that the person on the other end was surprised at his statement.

  he finally noticed that you walked into the room, having finished slipping on your coat. jungkook sighed, tilting back the last of his drink and telling the person on the phone that he had to go. his furrowed eyebrows were telling enough that he was annoyed with you.

  “what? i only took an hour,” you said, walking over from the doorway of his bathroom.

  jungkook rolled his eyes. “an hour after the party started. let’s get going, the boys said they’re waiting for us,” he complained. “you’re the one who insisted on coming with me, anyway.”

  at that, you didn’t say anything because you knew it would only escalate into an argument. jungkook had been recently accusing you of being overly controlling when it came to hanging out with his friends, which led to an invite to tonight’s party to be extended to you, as well. 

  however, parties at places like hotel azure were now a routine for you and jungkook, which was one of the only things that was constant against change in the past two years. with fame came notoriety and after clawing your way up the social ladder amongst the country’s musical elite, invitations to galas and lounges and the vip section of the club came left and right. everyone now knew you as one of the idol power couples behind the curtain and your respective presences were expected at events. 

  a molasses-like tension sat in the air when it came to this. although you and jungkook were known as one, it wasn’t easy to ignore jungkook’s individual stardom that garnered mass attention. his biggest supporter, you loved this for him - until you didn’t. he would jet off to tokyo and shanghai to party with a-listers and meet new people everywhere he went. he was rising before your very eyes and you couldn’t help but feel left behind.

  “did you not tell them we got back together?” you suddenly asked, trailing out the front door with an impatient jungkook.

  he only shrugged. it was hard to keep up when you and jungkook had taken several sporadic “breaks” over the last year. as a couple, you showed your best and smiled in front of everyone. however, your friends were the ones who would witness arguments in the corner of the room or furious frenzies of text arguments whilst working. 

  it was hard to manage a relationship that was akin to a fire - passionate, but ready to set ablaze at all times. 

  you weren’t sure how you and jungkook got to this point. you were no longer kids who only had each other. it could’ve been so many things - age, fame, money. there were other underlying issues that came with all these things. after all, by the time you were sat in the car, the first flask was already finished between you and him.

  the drive to hotel azure was a blur and before you knew it, you were taking shots with kim yoojung and suzy in the penthouse suite. jungkook had walked away with his friends upon entering the party and it was already a lost idea to find him. you exchanged few words on the way to the venue, as he seemed to still be frustrated with you for a variety of reasons.

  besides, it was a jackson wang party. the suite was filled to the brim with the who’s who of the entertainment industry, all mingling and dancing in an exalted existence that only celebrities enjoyed. others were outside at the rooftop pool, basking in the first of the year’s warm air. there were too many things going on at once.

  the only warmth you were concerned with was the hot sensation spreading throughout your body from hennessy. “how’s the filming of your new show?” you asked suzy, who was now flushed from the round of drinks.

  “exhausting. how’s the recording of your new album?” she sighed.

  “exhausting.”

  a murmur of agreement ensued. that was why everyone was gathering - an escape from the fastlane of their lives. the industry was draining and every forced smile for the cameras only weighed heavier on someone.

  “that nct member your boyfriend is friends with was passing out xans,” warned yoojung, poking your side.

  a year ago, you would have made a scene. now jaded and long given up on trying to knock some sense into him, you peeked over yoojung’s shoulder to check out the hallway ahead. turning back to the other two women, you already made up your mind.

  “the bathroom over there is free,” was all you had to say and with you swiping your clutch off the counter, they knew what you were thinking. they knew what was in its contents.

  you had to - it was a jackson wang party. ironically, you were never able to recall actually seeing jackson at his parties. really, you weren’t able to recall much in general the day after for certain reasons and tomorrow was looking no different when you busted out of the bathroom minutes later, giggling and brushing off your clothes. at the very least, you knew that you weren’t looking out of place, especially if what yoojung said was true. everyone in the room could afford the best to use, so why wouldn’t they?

  “we should go to the pool!” 

  it didn’t take much convincing for you to be dragged outside, as the high was settling in and you suddenly became a social butterfly. the three of you arrived poolside, where you were greeted by more of your peers. you wouldn’t call them your friends. 

  the exception was jimin, who you were surprised to see. he was very amicable and well-liked amongst social circles, but wild parties were never quite his scene. some of jungkook’s group mates had an affinity for nights out, but you and jungkook attended a specific genre of parties that the others didn’t vibe with on the regular.

  you smiled a little too wide. “jimin!”

  the group you approached sat poolside on a couch, as jimin scooted over to make room for. you barely fit, but he made sure to make it work for one of his best friends’ girlfriend. stumbling a bit when you squeezed past others’ knees, he offered his arm to help steady you.

  “hey, y/n. jungkook went somewhere else?” he asked slowly, examining your face. 

  jimin had a beer in his hand and appeared significantly more sober than the other partygoers, who were now immersed back into their previous conversation after your arrival. suzy and yoojung were laughing with the others, probably now too high and drunk to even remember that they walked over with you. meanwhile, jimin had his jacket on, as if he was right about to leave until you came outside. his mind was changed when he saw how wasted you were.

  you looked around, hoping the fresh air would help you focus. “mmm, yeah. think he’s with jaehyun.”

  it didn’t. it also felt like hours since you last spotted your boyfriend, but you were having fun. however, that wasn’t what jimin was concerned about.

  “you’re doing okay?” jimin questioned, a frown tugging at his lips. 

  if it wasn’t someone like jimin who knew you well, it wouldn’t be so obvious that you were now quite inebriated. your giggles were a little too loud and you would never stumble in high heels sober. 

  when you didn’t answer, jimin finished the last of his drink and set it on the table in front of you before standing up. there was a glint of worry in his eyes. 

  he said, “stay right there. i’m going to get you some water and find jungkook.”

  truthfully, you didn’t want him to locate your boyfriend, but jimin was already off. you huffed some hair out of your face. you didn’t think you were in that bad of a shape. 

  now that there was room on the couch, you were able to move over. when jimin left, you noticed that the girl next to you was watching the interaction the entire time. she was young and the doe-like expression on her face read that this was her first time at hotel azure. she was dressed to the nines and carried herself with energy.

  “hi, you’re nova!” it was more of an exclaimation than a question, when she smiled at you.

  your mood dampened at this. you did not have time to be entertaining whatever lucky rookie idol she was, probably scoring a luky invite. you also despised being called your stage name when you weren’t in front of a camera or fans. however, you put on your best plastered on smile.

  “hi. you are?” you asked, wanting to try to be polite.

  she ignored it. “wow, so it’s true then?” she asked. “you’re dating jungkook! and you were just talking to jimin, you must be so close with all of bts!”

  it was like an immediate headache onset, as you tried not to wince at her nearly screaming into your ear. the music was loud, but not that loud. at least she acknowledged you first, some people often went all in by just talking about jungkook. you would have engaged in actual conversation with her if she didn’t ignore your first attempt.

  “y/n, try this!”

  a red solo cup was pushed in front of your face and you didn’t think twice about taking a sip. anything to not hear the girl drone on about your boyfriend. it was sour and medicinal at the same time, causing you to make a face. the actor who passed it to you chuckled, as you gave it back.

  you coughed. “that was disgusting.”

  for some reason, the smell of the drink alone made your head hurt. you mumbled an ‘excuse me’ at the young idol, who was still talking about bts the entire time that interaction with the drink happened, and got up. your legs were weak. 

  for a while, you were walking around with no purpose, observing those around you blankly. when the drinks and the drugs and the desire to fit in faded away, it was boring. 

  you wondered if you actually liked being at these parties or if you were there just because. the “just because” could have been anything - just because it was expected by your circle, just because it was the only way to let out steam from the demands of your job. maybe even. . .just because of jungkook.

  “looking for your boyfriend?”

  at some point, you wandered over to the shadowy corner of the rooftop, where someone was smoking a joint. you tried your best to recall his name, as you’d just been on a variety show with him, but the best you could do was remember that he was a member of winner. you winced at yet another mention of jungkook, but ignored it again.

  he held the joint out as an offer and you accepted without hesitation, letting the smoke fill your insides. it was easy to ignore the burn in your throat when you’d already been putting random substances into your body since the night began.

  “not really,” you admitted, though you did scan the crowd when you did.

  he cocked an eyebrow. “oh? aren’t you two always hand in hand at these things?” he made a gesture, referring to the party as a whole.

  a year or two ago, you would have spent the entire party on jungkook’s lap and exclusively mingled and drank from that same spot. as time went on and jungkook began attending parties and clubs without you, it was a growing occurrence that you began doing your own thing when you appeared with him.

  “dunno,” was all you could say, not wanting to talk more about it.

  it appeared that he got the hint, dropping the subject of jungkook. instead, he failed to hide the once over he made of your appearance and you fought a shiver. you felt like you were naked under his stare, as your skin-tight maxi dress didn’t leave much to the imagination. you never felt unsafe to wear what you wanted on a night out - albeit, your boyfriend was usually with you.

  “you cold? want my jacket, sweetie?” he asked, sugar lacing every one of his words.

  that’s when you became alert, despite your body’s lack of sobriety working against you. he had taken a half-step towards you and you instantly stepped backwards. you’d never been so uncomfortable, but it was a struggle to steady yourself.

  you mustered up some solidity in your voice. “no. you can back up now,” you said, handing the joint back to him. “thanks.”

  he didn’t get the hint. “then, do you wanna go inside with me? where’s it’s warmer?”

  the smirk on his face sent off alarms in your head, as you continued to walk away, he still remained close to you when you did. 

  “i said i’m good. you’re getting weird, so back up,” you repeated, eyes darting around to see if anyone would step in.

  instead, everyone was still lost in their own worlds. some people were laughing away, trashing the bar on the other end of the rooftop. the people you were with on the couch were taking shots. nobody was noticing the interaction between you and this man.

  when he took a firm grip on your arm, you thought you were about to throw up. you noticed that you hadn’t even been walking straight and when you blinked, he was already in front of you. your words couldn’t find themselves when you saw double everywhere you turned. you were fucked and you couldn’t even defend yourself.

  then, it happened.

  when you jumped at the sound of a sudden impact, you thought that you were the one who fell down. but, there was no pain. there was a round of gasps. there was yelling. there was a body on the ground and it was the man’s.

  “are you fucking crazy?! don’t you put your dirty ass hands on her ever again or i’ll kill you with my bare hands, asshole!”

  the voice belonged to jungkook. it was the first time you’d seen him all night. he was standing over the man’s body, yelling further profanities at him. you saw red - both on his knuckles and in his bloodshot eyes. 

  you let out a scream when the man suddenly got to his feet, lunging at jungkook. this was when others ran in, straining to peel their two bodies away from each other. 

  people stopped to watch, but it was almost dystopian to see that some didn’t even care. they continued taking shots and smoking their joints. it was a daze of glimmer and drugs that only existed in the penthouse suite of hotel azure - where the rich and famous didn’t have time for scuffles. 

  “jungkook, stop!” you screeched, your voice cracking and tears welling up in your eyes.

  it took three people to pull jungkook alone, as others also came to the rescue of the other man. jaehyun and yugyeom each clutched onto one of jungkook’s arms, while bambam stood between the two. it looked like they had all chased jungkook from inside the penthouse, who had slammed the sliding door open.

  when jungkook picked up a glass beer bottle in his rage, you almost ran in yourself. he’d swatted jaehyun and yugyeom’s grips away to do so. thankfully, it was jimin who dashed in to swipe the object away from jungkook’s grasp, before the situation escalated to disastrous.

  if jimin didn’t wrestle the weapon out of jungkook’s hands, it would have been detrimental beyond saving. 

  “you piece of shit!” snarled the man, who spat in jungkook’s direction. “your little girlfriend should know how much of a piece of shit you are, too!”

  at that, you froze. jungkook only narrowed his eyes at him, as if daring him to continue. the next few moments didn’t seem real. his friends took the opportunity to take hold of him again, now with bambam joining in and trying to talk some sense into him.

  “kook, calm down. seriously, you need to just - “

  jungkook shot back, ignoring bambam. “you better shut your fucking mouth.” through gritted teeth, he kept urging for jaehyun and yugyeom to let go of him, which they thankfully didn’t.

  he only chuckled and your heart dropped when he turned to you. “nah, you must already know he’s a piece of shit. you must be cool with that and with the fact that he’s fucking his backup dancer.”

  what he said was loud and clear, but you didn’t even register it. you thought you were dreaming. you didn’t know what to do.

betrayal had a funny effect on people and on you, it was seething fury.

  if you were sober, it would have been your turn to lunge at someone. you considered it and decided that it wasn’t a bad idea. taking off your heels and making strides towards the man, nobody expected you to clock the man right in the jaw. he yelped, stumbling backwards from the impact. in your state, you only just realized that you’d actually hit him with one of your shoes.

  “that was for me, you creep,” you hissed, as he cussed loudly at his now bloody nose. 

  you even pondered pushing him into the pool, but decided it wasn’t worth it. the adrenaline in your veins - and whatever other substances were in there - wasn’t enough to distract you from the pit in your stomach from what the man said. something in you didn’t even consider the possibility of it being untrue - your gut told you otherwise. 

  you stared at jungkook, searching for any rebuttal. however, you knew the look on his face. it was the truth. not once did jungkook even try to dispute the accusation. your anger died down now and you were left feeling like you were floating. this couldn’t be real.

  it was now jungkook’s turn to stand frozen. you didn’t have time for this or for him. even his friends were frozen and you didn’t know what emotions were on their faces. shocked, but at what? that he was cheating on you or that he just got exposed? reality was beginning to sink in and the only thing you knew was that you needed to get out of there. you thought you looked like the biggest joke in the world, whether his friends knew about it or not.

  “what do you think you’re doing? go after her!” 

  that was jimin’s voice, horrified that his friend was just passively watching you run out of there. jungkook finally made a sprint for it. you’d pushed past several people and jungkook didn’t catch up to you until you reached the elevator.

  your vision was waning and the source could have been either the situation or your body finally giving up on you from what you had consumed all night. you needed to sit down. hurriedly, you jammed the button to close the elevator door, but a hand stuck out to force it open.

  jungkook was pleading. “y/n, just one second - “

  “no, get away from me.”

  “look, let’s talk! please!” he cried, trying to enter the elevator with you.

  at this point, you were shoving him away. you didn’t care, you needed him out of your face before you began crying. he wasn’t fighting back at all, letting you continuously push him, but didn’t move an inch. 

  “you’re scum to me,” you growled, eventually giving up and tripped backwards from your own force.

  the elevator closed and for thirteen long floors, it was just you and him in that one space.

  “please, let’s communicate - isn’t that what you always wanted for us?” jungkook said and did his best to get you to meet his eyes. “bug, come o -”

  the fire in your eyes was nothing like he’d ever seen before from you. “don’t you dare call me that ever again!” 

  bug was his special name for you, short for lovebug. you used to get upset when he would call you your full name over bug. in that moment, it sickened you to hear it.

  everything began clicking in your head. the way he rarely called you when he was on tour. the slow buildup of disinterest in your wellbeing. going to places that he always went to without you. being secretive of what he was doing on his phone. this behaviour multiplied recently and with another world tour for bts lined up, you now knew why.

  jungkook was living an entirely different life away from you. you just thought he would never have it in him. not the kind and sweet jungkook you met all those years ago.

  you ripped off the tennis bracelet from your wrist, which jungkook had given you for your eighteenth birthday. a look of defeat rested on his face when you hurled it at him, which he didn’t even bother to dodge. he knew he deserved it. 

  the elevator dinged and you made a beeline for the first door you saw. you weren’t even running, but jungkook dashed to meet you there. you let out a cry of frustration when he stood right in front of you, blocking the entrance. 

  “move or you’ll regret it.”

  he ignored you and you instead side-stepped away, using all your energy to exit through the next door before jungkook could realize. he tried blocking you again, but only caught a bit of your force because you were too fast.

  the entire time this was happening, you’d been trying to dial someone, anyone. none of your group mates were answering. you didn’t have any friends that weren’t at the party upstairs. the last resort was your manager, who you were about to call, when jungkook stood in front of you again.

  “y/n, please. i’ll get on my knees if i have to,” jungkook begged and you could see that he was fighting tears. “please, i just want to talk.”

  however, you could also see that jungkook was far from sober. he was in a worse state than you were. a bruise was to soon form on his jaw and his hair was disheveled. it was the lowest you’d ever seen him.

  for a split second, you tried. you wanted to try and see the boy you fell in love with all those years ago. you searched and searched. 

  “what? i’ve asked you for years to communicate in this relationship and it only becomes important after you cheat on me?” 

  jungkook knew he was defeated, but he still looked at you with those same pleading eyes. “i know i don’t deserve you - “

  “i don’t even recognize you!” you interrupted. “i don’t even know who you are!”

  both of you knew that you were right. something went wrong along the way. you were barefoot and exhausted, no longer with light in your eyes. jungkook was pitiful and lost - lost in his fame, in the parties, and from you. 

  that night at hotel azure should have been the end. the storybook fairytale should have been over. in that moment, you would have even moved as far as you could and ran away from the dread of the life you were living. you gave up that night.

  unfortunately, in the craze of the night’s events and the substances swimming in your bodies, both you and jungkook forgot who and where you were.

  TOP HEADLINE TODAY: breaking news! dispatch releases exclusive photos of bts’ jungkook and s.iren’s nova, reveals that they are dating

  you’d been in the big hit company building countless of times over the years, but would have never imagined yourself sitting in their board room with their most senior executives. to make matters worse, several high-ranking representatives from your company sat in the same room, including your ceo and your own manager. at the head of the table were you and jungkook, both stone-faced and unable to look at each other. 

  entering the room, you considered yourself all alone. your manager was pissed off at you. your group mates hadn’t spoken to you since the news broke, except for sooah. she only warned you to make sure that nobody knew you were high when it happened. the last thing the group needed was an additional scandal where their main vocalist gets sentenced to prison for possession. and, of course, you now had no boyfriend. there was nobody there for you.

  “they’ve been building evidence for a long time now, clearly.”

  to make matters more humiliating, the company executives were broadcasting the dispatch article on the big screen in front of everyone. the head of public relations, mr. lee, swiped through each photo released like a slideshow.

  the first picture was you and jungkook outside of your building complex. another was a sneaky shot that barely captured you and jungkook in the same taxi. it went on and on, until the last photo that depicted you and jungkook standing in front of hotel azure, which was less than twenty-four hours ago at this point. 

  after escaping the party and jungkook, you spent the rest of your night crying and throwing up at home. it was late when you left and you knew you couldn’t sleep a wink after what transpired. you tried your very best and it was seven in the morning when you thought your eyes were finally closing, until your phone began blowing up. 

  at first, it was just your manager and you didn’t want to hear about how she found out that you were partying late again. then, not even an hour after, your social media began blowing up with notifications. 

  i was trying to warn you, the last text from your manager read. you realized what she was talking about, as dispatch probably gave the “courtesy” to inform the company before the article went out. 

  you thought about your group members, feeling nothing but guilt. you saw what happened to other female idols, whose dating scandals tarnished their “sisterhood” with their members forever. you were terrified of that happening to you.

  now, you sat in this suffocating board room, still hungover, and your entire future at stake. the only thing you felt regretful about was not just the impact of your choices on both your group members, but the rest of jungkook’s. they were one of the, if not the, most popular groups in the country.

  while the room went over the pictures that were released, you were silent. you long understood the consequences of the relationship and accepted the risk. when the scandal actually broke, though, the fear you felt was unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. on the other hand, jungkook was only apologizing profusely and was in tears. you didn’t realize it until then, but there were also streams of tears running down your face. 

  you weren’t sure what the main reason for your tears were. something told you that you’d yet to process the grief of jungkook’s betrayal because sitting next to him felt numb. last night, only anger settled underneath your skin. now, being inches away from the man you called your best friend and partner for years, you felt nothing. it was almost an out-of-body experience. 

  the only way to not replay every single moment he was with her and not you, was to repress the grief. you pretended like it was invisible and out of reach. with that, you figured the tears were for the innocent third parties that were going to be dragged down by the scandal - the executives in the room, jungkook’s group, your group, all of them.

  “quit crying! we have no choice, there’s too much evidence - we must publicly confirm the relationship.”

  you took a deep breath. right now, you had yet to actually tell anyone that you and jungkook were no longer together. a part of you was too embarrassed to admit that you were cheated on. you also figured that word from the scene at the rooftop party likely already spread throughout social circles. you decided to swallow it down and finally say it aloud.

  this was the first time that you spoke up. “but,” you started, “jungkook and i. . .we broke up last night.”

  the last thing you expected was a round of laughter. you thought you were imagining it, but when you looked up, the board members were indeed doing so. you were suffering enough, but now you were getting laughed at. your fists were balled up underneath the table.

  “are you kidding me?” mr. lee said. “i don’t care. years ago, you and jungkook agreed that, should your relationship be exposed, you would face the repercussions of its reception.”

  “mr. lee - “ jungkook started, but was hushed by his company executives.

  when mr. lee tapped on his laptop again and cut to the comments section of the article, you thought you would see hate comments. death threats, even. but, you were stunned to face waves of positivity. 

  the tone he used, though, was devoid of any. “oh, i love this couple so much,” mr. lee began reading the comments in a monotone voice that only made the situation feel even more of a joke. “wah. they. are. such. a. beautiful. couple. i’m not even mad.”

  you swore your eyes were deceiving you. stealing your first glance at jungkook since walking into the room, he, too, was shocked and his jaw hung low. 

  “talk about a power couple, congratulations! here, someone said: hope this is true, nova is luckiest girl in the world - love this. then, a bunch of good luck’s, and blah, blah, blah.”

  there was a wave of anger when most of the comments called you the lucky one and not once the other way around.

  regardless, the reception of international fans was generally uplifting, which was no surprise to you. what really got to you was that it didn’t stop there - the screen scrolled past dozens and dozens of korean comments that exemplified full support towards the relationship. this was a true mark of positive reception, as they were the fans you feared the most.

  as the years went on and jungkook rose in popularity, you became increasingly nervous about your relationship. you watched so many of your peers receive horrible backlash from fans after being exposed for dating, especially the women. being a female in the industry was hard enough and you weren’t sure if you were going to be one of the strong ones in this situation. 

  “so that your fans don’t feel ‘betrayed’, we are going to let the media know that you have been dating for a few months - don’t even think about telling people that you’ve been together since 2013,” mr. lee announced, which snapped you back to the conversation.

  you dared to speak again. “mr. lee, jungkook and i have broken up,” you reiterated, wondering if nobody heard you the first time.

  he rolled his eyes. “i understand. do you also understand that this reaction is basically unheard of? have you noticed that you’ve gained almost a million followers on instagram?”

  this time, it was the public relations representative from big hit that cleared her throat and stood up. she joined mr. lee in front of the board members, who began murmuring in approval amongst themselves.

  “jungkook. y/n. as you know, the love yourself world tour was just announced. s.irens is also preparing for a major comeback and potential tour. this relationship,” she said, “will be used to accelerate the successes of both of your groups.”

  a chart appeared on the screen. it showed data from the last twenty-four hours, including both group’s increase in social media numbers, streams, and search engine hits. 

  “consider it an exchange for breaching your no-dating clause five years ago. until further notice, this relationship, at least in the eyes of the public, will remain.”

  this had to be a joke. however, you remembered what you and jungkook were. you were idols. you were puppets of the machine that was the korean entertainment industry. chess pieces. no matter how rich or famous either of you got, it all boiled down to this. 

  the fame game was one that was never won.

  jungkook said, slowly, “you’re asking us to date. . .as a publicity stunt?”

  at this, you had no choice. a few individuals in the room, including jungkook, jumped when you shot up from your seat. you rose in order to bow at a ninety degree angle in front of all the senior executives, ignoring how sick you were to your stomach.

  “please,” you began, eyes squeezed shut. “i want nothing to do with jeon jungkook.”

  of course, the decision was already made and your pleas were dismissed. however, you didn’t see the way jungkook watched you beg your company to not force you in a relationship with a man you no longer loved. his mouth went dry and there’d never been such a moment in his life where he hated himself more. he did this. he pushed you to this point and he betrayed you.

  from that moment on, jungkook saw this as an opportunity. he destroyed everything that you and he had ever built. now, the only thing he ever sought from this point on, was redemption.

  even though your companies informed you two that you could publicly “breakup” following a year post-dispatch release, jeon jungkook never lost sight of the redemption he sought. they wanted you to be the so-called it couple of the industry and he decided he would do them one better and make it real. for the next year, jungkook would do everything in his power to win you back.

  LATEST NEWS: bts’ jungkook and s.irens’ nova confirms their relationship! read more about big hit’s response: “they met as friends and the connection blossomed from there”

  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. for clarity purposes (because i feel like the non-chronological format may get confusing), y/n and jungkook get back together during this publicity stunt and are 100% for real dating in chapter 1. the publicity stunt arc is covered in chapters 6-8, as the next chapter focuses on why/how their relationship began breaking down before the hotel azure incident.

#jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook scenarios #jungkook imagines #jungkook angst #jungkook series #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts x reader #bts au #bts series #bts angst

[ghostradiodylan]

What type of music would the counselors listen to?

I know some of my mutuals have answered this question before and I'm sure my headcanons will be influenced by theirs, AND I'm also significantly older than the counselors so they're probably listening to gen z stuff my late millennial ass doesn't even know about but here goes nothing!

Laura So much SIØBHAN! Just kidding. Laura feels like two completely different characters in the game so I have a hard time deciding what I think spunky but straight-laced, ‘this is my first cop,’ over-achieving pre-vet student Laura Kearney would listen to vs badass avenging murder spree Laura Kearney (but maybe she always had that inside her). Part of me wants to say, like, 80’s pop (Prince, Blondie, Tiffany, Michael Jackson, Pat Benetar, etc.) and part of me wants to put her in the hard rock/metal zone with Ryan. Maybe she’s a bit of both.

Max I believe it was Addie (@insertlovelyperson) who said Max would listen to country music where women murder their cheating or abusive husbands. That tracks to me. Maybe it's the use of Alma Cogan's version of 'Fly Me to the Moon' in the game, but I also tend to associate him with crooner type singers of the 40's and 50's (Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Dean Martin, etc), which is what I said he'd choose for karaoke. And because of this fanart I have no choice but to HC him as a major Ariana Grande fan, he's probably the one who chose the music for the drive to camp. So. Max has range.

Abi is the K-Pop/J-Pop stan to me but I know so little about that music beyond the crossover bands like BTS that I can't speak to it a whole lot. I think she'd also like some emo, pop-punk and moodier alt/pop. Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Melanie Martinez, Florence and the Machine, Metric, Lorde, Halsey, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Billie Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers/boygenius, etc. I feel like she's really into female fronted bands for some reason.

Jacob likes pretty much whatever is on the radio. He's a top 40 guy and has no shame about his enjoyment of Ed Sheeran and Justin Beiber, or about ugly crying to Taylor Swift and Coldplay. He rarely listens closely to the actual lyrics (and often gets them humorously wrong), he just goes on vibes. He discovers half the music he listens to via TikTok (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Emma is a theater kid through and through and loves broadway musicals. She goes through phases with each popular one. She's had a Waitress phase, a Mamma Mia phase, a Wicked phase, and a Hamilton phase, of course, and now she's into Mean Girls, Heathers, and Hadestown. Beyond that, I think she'd be a dedicated Swiftie, big Adele fan, and a lover of Britney Spears's entire body of work from the 90's through today.

Nick probably listens to stoner bro music. Like jam bands and psychedelic rock and stuff. He probably likes Dave Matthews Band and the Grateful Dead/Dark Star Orchestra, Sublime, Widespread Panic, Tame Impala, and O.A.R. Googling jam bands to remind myself which ones exist led me to the knowledge that there's an Australian psychedelic rock band called King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard and that name is so bonkers that I've decided without listening to more than a few bars that it has to be Nick's favorite band.

Ryan is a little bit emo and a little bit goth and a little bit old school punk. He needs music that's loud and moody to help sort out his feelings about life and drown out all the excess noise inside his head. He's into metal, the harder side of emo/screamo, goth rock, hard rock, punk, and post-punk. He definitely listens to Nightwish, GOJIRA, Mastodon, Lacuna Coil, Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, Bauhaus, Joy Division, Nine Inch Nails, Deftones, Thursday, Alkaline Trio, My Chemical Romance, AFI, Bad Religion, Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Misfits, Ramones, etc. He doesn't hate more accessible pop and rock music, but the closest he gets to choosing it for himself is probably something like The Cure or The Smashing Pumpkins or Depeche Mode, maybe some of the creepier Weeknd songs and Muse tracks too heavy to go on the Twilight soundtracks. He and Abi listen to Babymetal together.

Kaitlyn classic rock and 90's alternative. This girl likes the Stones more than the Beatles, though she'll listen to both. Led Zeppelin, Joan Jett, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Black Sabbath, the occasional hair band. She especially loves the 90's girl rockers like Alanis Morisette, Garbage, Hole, Veruca Salt, and No Doubt (Kaitlyn can't believe Gwen Stefani is married to pop-country dork Blake Shelton who sings that song about being your honey bee, because Gwen used to be so cool [I'm definitely not projecting]). I feel like she'd also love Bikini Kill and Sleater Kinney, Le Tigre, and The Donnas.

Dylan is the Music Guy ™ (and my personal bias/url namesake), so I've admittedly thought about his musical tastes more than most of the others'. The official Quarry website mentions his 'deep musical knowledge' and I imagine he has pretty broad views on what constitutes good music. He's got kind of a vintage vibe to him, maybe it's the reproduction band shirt from 1988, or the fact that he's into analog technology, or both, but I've noticed he's often depicted playing Queen or Bowie or something of that era in fics, which I think is realistic. This kid goes to the used record store and just buys whatever looks cool.

Fun Fact: According to the datamine, the chapters originally had literary or musical quotes at the beginning of each, and Chapter 5: White Noise (the radio hut chapter) was originally headed by the opening lyrics from Queen's 'Radio Ga Ga':

He's also the only character we see play music in canon, so we know he likes... songs from random compilation albums with inexpensive royalties. XD Just kidding, but these are the diegetic (in-universe) songs we get to hear from Dylan's playlist at the bonfire party:

All pop music of varying subtypes, so we know he appreciates a well-crafted pop song. I honestly am a fan of all of these. I think Dylan genuinely listens to everything but he seems like the type to especially like alt and indie pop, classic rock, garage rock, a bit of the more melodic side of punk, emo, and pop-punk, new wave, synth pop, electronic, and a little bit of hip hop that’s sufficiently nerdy white boy friendly (probably Beastie Boys, Run the Jewels, Post Malone, emo rap like Blackbear, etc). I also tend to gravitate towards early-mid aughts indie for him, like MGMT, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, OK Go, LCD Soundsystem, etc. Just seems to match his vibe. I think he'd really like BØRNS, Hozier, COIN, Mitski, and K.Flay and probably have a fair amount of overlap with Ryan's more melodic picks (MCR, Muse, The Cure, etc). Dylan probably hates Morrissey but begrudgingly loves The Smiths and definitely cranks up The Killers in his car. He’s also listening to bands right now that you’ve never heard of but will be huge in a couple years. He can probably tell you the difference between subgenres like chillwave, dream pop, and shoegaze but don’t ask me about it because I have no fucking clue.

Since we’re on the subject, here’s my absurdly long and ever-growing Rylan/Radioheads playlist because I have a problem.

And my Sweet Summer Jams playlist, that’s just a bunch of random songs I think would be clean enough to play at a summer camp as long as the kids/your boss don’t ask too many questions.

#the quarry #I just really love music okay #one of the many reasons I relate so much to Dylan #I don't actually listen to every artist mentioned but... a lot of them yes #I spent way too long on this #hacketteer headcanons #Hackett’s quarry radio hut #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #kaitlyn ka #abigail blyg #jacob custos #emma mountebank #laura kearney #max brinly #nick furcillo #ask bunny #hello beautiful anon #bunny blathers

[mygloviesme]

cool about it, eleven years later. || myg || story finale

no. 3 out of 3: i can’t hide from you like i hide from myself

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: eleven years later, kanako lives in nyc with her childhood best friend keiko. bts have become a household name that floods her every day life, and she's learned to ignore it. after years of moving on from those months she spent with the seven boys, she finds herself in a good place. what happens after one fateful night she finally runs into faces she's tried so hard to run away from?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 10.5k (yup)

genre: ANGST, fluff, melodrama

chapter warnings: mentions of mental health, drinking (casual wine sipping), mentions of toxic ex, smut (missionary, oral f. receiving, dirty talk, praise? idk)

if you see any edit mistakes, no you don’t. it’s 5 am and I’m too eager to release this!

inspo song: xo by beyonce

"your face is all that i see, i give you everything"

 JULY 10TH, 2023, 9:46PM

It feels silly, us all being so much older and sleeping over in Jungkook’s hotel room. Although, it is a huge hotel room. Anyway, it feels like we're too old for sleepovers like this. Even Yoongi, who stayed quiet most of the car ride, groaned in annoyance.  Shouting, ‘Why did I spend so much money on a nice hotel if I was just gonna sleep on a couch?’

But Jungkook insisted and so did a still-tipsy Jimin. Namjoon was pretty neutral like always. I think he’s secretly excited though. I’m not sure if I can say the same for Yoongi. I couldn’t stop glancing at him during the car ride, examining his quick-witted retorts to Namjoon like I remembered. We’d swap eye-contact every once in a while, though fleeting, sending shock waves down to my core every time. But, the dust (my non-stop adrenaline) luckily settled once we arrived at the luxurious building. 

As we entered the room, an eager Jungkook races to his room, shuffling around to only come out with a set of clothes. And for a second, a brief moment, I swear he shrinks a couple inches. Like he’s as small as he was then. It’s not like I miss that version of him more because I can still feel he’s that boy in instances like these. But it’s nostalgic. “Here.” He says, handing me the stack. 

The sweats are soft and gray and the shirt I can smell even from here. Like laundry detergent, the one with the teddy bear on it. They feel undoubtedly expensive.

“O-Okay, I’m just gonna change in the bathroom.” I say, Jungkook nodding and pointing to the direction it’s in. I follow his finger and approach the tall door, turning the handle to enter inside. It gives me time to call Keiko and gather my thoughts. It’s been a long night filled with all sorts of things I have to sit and think about before I get back out and deal with it again.

Maybe not the yelling and shouting that occurred, but the thick awkwardness of the fact that we’re still getting used to each other. Eleven years is too long and two days is too short to recount everything we missed from each other's lives. The clock is ticking and I’m not sure how to slow down time. 

I place the clothes on the counter and reach inside my purse for my phone, opening my contacts to dial Keiko. Quickly. She picks up instantly like always. She’s great at that.

“Hey Koko, how’s everything going? Do you need a ride?”

I gulp, “N-No, I’m actually staying at their hotel tonight.”

I hear her freeze, “WHAT? You’re kidding!” 

“No, I’m not!” I whisper and cover my mouth to muffle my voice as much as I can. It would be another problem if they heard me gossiping about tonight. But I have to debrief with her, it’s what we do. 

“What do you mean by their hotel?”

 “Well it’s Jungkook’s, but everyone agreed to have a sleepover.”

“What the fuck. I wish I was there! Hook me up, dear god.” She whines. 

I laugh loudly, slapping my hand over my mouth when I realize the echoing it caused. 

“Shut up. Maybe. But anyway, I’ll be here.”

“So what’s gonna happen? You gonna snuggle up to Yoongi or what?” She says and I hear her eating on something. Probably the rocky-road she claimed to hate. Liar. 

“No, I’m not. Definitely not. We got into it tonight. Bad.” 

She gasps, “Tell me.”

I exhale softly, “It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later. But everything’s fine now. We made up.”

“You made up, really?” She says with doubt. Don’t sound so surprised, jeez. 

“Sort of. But there is one thing I wanted to tell you. Jimin got drunk and before me and Yoongi had…argued or whatever, he said ‘Yoongi isn’t the only one hung up on you.’ Talking about Jungkook. Isn’t that…crazy? What do you think it means?”

She sighs, “You know what it means, Koko. What did you expect from the boy? You guys cuddled like, every night.”

“He told me he considered me to be a sister!” I whisper-shout into the phone.

“I mean at first, yeah. But a hot girl coming to stay with seven boys every night? Come on.”

My face falls flat, my voice monotone. “I wish you’d keep some thoughts to yourself.”

“Anyway, that sounds complicated. But you’re a new Koko, new and improved. You can deal with this, I know you can. And if you wanna bail just call me up and I’ll come get you. I’ll be up for a while.” She reassures me. 

I smile, “Thanks, Keiko. Love you. I’ll see you later.”

I hang up the phone and set it down, placing my head on the counter to take a deep breath. My forehead sits on the cold marble as I try to ground myself, calm myself. I don’t want the events of tonight to tamper with me. I want to enjoy this. 

It hurts to think that they’ll be leaving in a day. That this night and tomorrow will be transient, because I miss them. I miss them like hell. I miss their laughs, their arguing. Their warm company that never fails to aid my stubborn, sad heart. As I lift my head to look at myself in the mirror, I witness the time that’s passed. The unmistakable creases on my face that have evolved as I got older. I wish they were here to see them as they came to fruition. I wish they could’ve seen and witnessed all my milestones. How did time pass by so quickly? I could’ve gotten so many more moments with them if I hadn’t left.

So many birthdays, holidays, everything. It’s not guilt that I feel, not even mourning. It's aching for all the time that I lost with them. They’ve always been my chosen family. And with Yoongi, even now I hurt when I think of everything that could’ve happened between us. Even if we stayed friends. Even if we stayed friends. 

I take a break from my feelings and put on the clothes Jungkook gave me in a hurry. I know I’ve spent an absurd amount of time in this bathroom, but I still hear them from behind this door. So I know they can’t be settling for bed already.

Tonight calls for a later bedtime. Although, I do have work tomorrow. 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 1:34AM

We’ve shared a bottle of wine or two throughout this night. Chatting about my own stories this time. All the things I’ve gotten into while living in this big city. Some stories I keep for myself, unsure of whether they’re appropriate for this late-night banter. Like the time in my work bathroom with a colleague of mine. That’s definitely unimportant. 

It isn’t long until Namjoon and Jungkook are calling it a night, surprisingly. I look at Yoongi who isn’t saying anything at all. Is he not going to bed? Should I say I’m calling it a night too just to avoid being alone with him?

I’ve wanted to talk with him ever since I saw him that night, but right now it scares me shitless.

“Kanako, you coming?” Jungkook asks me while carrying wine glasses to the sink. I revert from looking at Yoongi for reassurance, allowance, to stay back with him. I go with my gut. 

“N-No, I think I’ll stick around for a while longer.” Jungkook darts his eyes from me to Yoongi, sucking in his teeth. Is he upset?

“Well you can sleep in my bed. The three of us are taking the floor. It’s a big room, so. You know. Hope that’s okay.” His voice drips with irritation. He’s obviously discontent with me staying with Yoongi. I’ll take care of that later. 

“That’s okay with me.” I smile weakly.

He doesn’t necessarily listen to my response, instead turning his back to walk to the room. Namjoon and a sleepy Jimin bidding a good night before following suit. 

I watch them leave, counting down the seconds until they’re out of sight. It’s easier if I act like I’m distracted by them instead of talking to Yoongi. 

I grab the second bottle of wine that’s been opened by Jungkook earlier tonight, pouring myself another glass. Keeping busy. Still avoiding. I feel his eyes on me, though. I think he’s wondering if I’ll say something first. But to my surprise, he speaks. 

His isolated voice sends chills down to my abdomen, echoing in this sleek lounge space. His voice has always been low, smooth. Perfect to listen to as you’re falling asleep. I remember that so vividly. Him whispering to me as we both drifted off to sleep, kissing my sleepy face. His affection was constant. I remember the relentless hands all over my body when he got the chance. Shit, what did he say?

I widen my eyes, “S-Sorry. What was that?”

He laughs and takes a sip of the dark red liquid, talking in the glass. 

“So you and Keiko get along well?” He repeats. 

I bob my head from side-to-side, “Something like that. I’m kidding. Yes. We got along great, she’s like my sister.” There’s a loud nervousness in me that he’s not reciprocating. His words are confident, curious. I’m not used to this. Is it bad that I’m so anxious around him? Those almond eyes look ethereal beside the glow of the city lights. He’s beautiful. I wish I could take a photo of him right now. 

“That’s great.” He responds casually. 

Silence. 

I drink from my wine again, “Mmm- I listened to your solo album. It’s amazing.” I say, acting like the thought just came to mind. 

He nods, “Thanks. It took a while to make but I’m happy with the outcome. And tour was good too.”

“Right! Tour! I saw photos.” I wince at how well I’ve been keeping up with all of their extracurriculars. 

His eyes never break eye contact with me as he speaks, “What’d you think?”

I chortle nervously, “It looked really cool and thought-out. I think all of your songs are great.”

“All of them?”

Shit. The elephant in the room has stomped its way through the door. 

“Y-Yeah. All of them.” I whisper, fiddling with the stem of my wine glass. 

I want to ask, how many other songs are about me? And have you written as much about Aimee? But I’m too old to be spiteful. It’s making me gray faster. 

His veiny fingers push through his long hair, falling perfectly back into place as he sets his hand down on the kitchen counter. It suits him so well. He looks so sophisticated, and it’s still so surreal that I’m in front of him once again. Just like an inevitability, like death (morbid, I know) I had weirdly accepted that I would never see them, him, ever again. Was that selfish of me?

The reechoing of stillness makes my mind wander towards the city that never sleeps. It’s especially louder tonight during the absence of either of our voices. 

I hear the honking and bustling of city life, something that never gets old. I loved it when I first got here. It filled in the gaps of silence so I wouldn’t be forced to think so much when I was sleeping at night. When I’d be crying myself out of tears because of the long-haired man sitting beside me. I would think about the young kids, whose night was just starting. The people closing up shop, the babies being put to bed. It was easier to live outside of myself here. You can’t help but love everything around you. Even the sweaty summer and nasty rain and the smell of garbage that never leaves certain streets. It’s become my new home. Nothing like Korea or Japan. Maybe that’s the point. 

As I sit next to Yoongi, someone who reminds me of the past loneliness I used to feel, it scares me again. I’m not sure if him turning out to be a complete stranger, or the same Yoongi I used to know, is better. It’s nice to know that after all this time he can still look at me like an equal. Like I didn’t abandon him. But do I want him to have completely forgotten about the girl I used to be? I did not prepare for this in therapy. 

“I wish I had invited you to visit me.” I confess, staring off into the glass window behind him. 

He looks at me softly, “I wish you did too. But I’m here now. We’re here now. It’s okay.” He says, and I have a feeling he’s talking about us two instead of all five. It’s consoling. And there it is again, that x-ray vision he has into my thoughts. Or am I being ridiculous once more?

“Is it?” My overthinking takes over. It was eleven years ago, yes. But it was hard, it was breaking. How could I not apologize, or even ask how I can make up for it? I have so much to say, but I await his answer instead. 

He shifts, “It is. I’m sorry for…what I said at dinner. It was impulsive and not thought out. I should’ve known not to say that.”

My expression grows dejected. I feel like I should be the one apologizing, so I do. 

“Don’t be sorry. At all. I mean– it had to come up either way. I know what I did must’ve affected you all. It affected me a lot. So, I’m sorry. For not reaching out, for leaving everything unsaid.”

His lips curl into a weak smile, “We were all young. We didn’t know the full extent of what you were going through, Kanako. All is forgiven, I promise. I’m just happy to be talking with you now.” 

I nod slowly, partially accepting his forgiveness and willingness to move on. It’s hard to believe that’s all there is to it, but I want to believe him. I’m not going to blame myself for the feelings I had because of my failing career and abusive relationship, but I can feel guilt for not talking to them even after the healing. That’s what I thought was best for myself at the time, what would help me move on better. 

And maybe it did in some ways, but I now know it just feels good, as well as other things, to be under the same roof as Yoongi again.

And between the beat of silence I get the confidence to ask, “So you and Aimee?”

He throws his head back with an amused smile, “Ah- no. I just ran into her that night and we kind of- kissed. Or something. But she’s way too young for me.”

I’m glad he feels comfortable enough to tell me, but it still stings just a little bit. But they’re not even together. All this overthinking only gave me more stress. Old habits die hard, I guess. 

“I see. So you’re…”

“Single? You’re quite nosy, Kanako.”

With a slip of the tongue I say, “I love it when you say my name.” But yet, nothing about it is sensual. It’s like I’m dancing around a thought neither of us want to fully think about. There’s a line.

His gaze becomes gentler, “I know.” 

God, he knows?

He grins at me before grabbing the bottle of wine to top off my glass, saying nothing. How could he just say that? It’s impossible to read him right now, which is something I would’ve never expected. If it was eleven years back, that is. 

“I’m single.” He responds and sits back comfortably in his chair. 

His words sound premeditated, like he knew I would ask. And he would answer. It seems the both of us are being a bit self-indulgent with our questions tonight. But the way he talks to me is seemingly affectionate. He’s no longer carrying me like water in his hands. I’m the glass he’s drinking in. 

I still feel inexperienced, something he obviously isn’t anymore. I can’t leech onto anything to make me feel more at ease, not even his presence that radiates heat. 

“And you? Were you being honest at dinner or do you have a secret boyfriend?” He teases. 

“I’m not sure why I’d keep it a secret.” I laugh, “But no, no one. Just me and Keiko.”

He hums and peers around the room. “Like Jimin said, has there ever been…someone?”

I hesitate for a moment. “I was being painfully honest about that too. I’ve seen guys, I guess. But this city feels so small sometimes I think I’ve run out of options.” I inch my gaze towards him like I’m afraid to know the next answer, “You?” I ask.

“Sort of, yeah. One. I was twenty five and it was only for a year. I just got too busy and she got impatient with me, so we thought to just end it.”

“Was it hard?” I whisper. 

“Yeah it was.” He chuckles and scratches the back of his with nervousness, “I loved her but…life just gets in the way. It’s annoying. I’m over it though.”

It feels so odd to talk to him about this. Would you call it exes bonding over exes? Or lack thereof on my part. But I’m glad he’s been loved. That he found that. It’s comforting to know about him, even if I wasn’t there. It hurts, but I’m putting maturity above my feelings.

“So-”

“I wanted to-”

We speak at the same time, sharing casual laughter soon after. I let him go first. 

He puffs out, “Uh, I just– wanted to say that…I hope you didn’t feel offended. After I released those songs.” He says repentantly. 

“Oh,” I tense up, “Not at all. Not at all. If you felt so musically inclined-”

“Shut up.”

“If you felt so musically inclined to, then I can’t blame you for it, right?”

He titters slightly, swiveling his drink. I can tell he’s relieved by the way his smize stays on his face, but there’s a disinclination to him as the seconds turn into minutes. 

He taps his glass, “I meant every word, Kanako.” He says quietly.

There’s no need for repetition, I digest what he said like I’ve been starving for days. 

I hang onto every word for what feels like hours, mouth slightly open before I can figure out what I’m going to say. I enjoy seeing him like this, honest. Vulnerable. I want to savor it. It’s sparking something inside of me that I thought had been shriveled into nothing. 

“I know, Yoongi.” I make it sound like it’s about to end. This, all of this. Like the feelings we had, or have, are only being brought up in passing. But there’s nothing about this that I’m ready to finalize. I now know, ever since that time I left, that his love for me ran like the ocean. I was the combining waves to his body of water. It’s still there. Am I getting ahead of myself?

As we settle into each other's energy at this moment, it’s a shared realization that there is no fire we have to combat anymore. It’s a mutual source we both want to indulge in. Calm. It would be a lie if I said it wasn’t a stormier, thrashing feeling than I’d planned. 

But it’s all the same. 

His hand lingers face down on the wrap-around kitchen counter, begging for touch. I keep mine on my glass, not giving in just yet. It could either turn out to be embarrassing or something else I need to procrastinate from dealing with. 

“Any other songs I should know about?” I joke. 

His expression is stoic, “Most of them.” 

My heart skips a couple beats. If I didn’t know any better I’d think I was going into cardiac arrest. With his body language it seems like he’s being completely serious. Completely, utterly serious.

He keeps his gaze on his hand, chuckling to himself. 

“What?” I share his amusement with a bit of confusion. 

He clenches his jaw.

“I think I’ll go crazy if you don’t touch me, Kanako.” 

I’m stunned by his frankness, not being able to speak. Is it now that I’m suddenly at a loss? Why is it now I have nothing to say anymore? All the worry, the thoughts, the stress course through my veins pour out of me as he looks at me. His gaze can’t be more gentle, more loving. But there’s a neediness within him that’s seeping to me. I can’t deny him of that, or myself. 

“Yoongi-”

“I need– I don’t even– I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I said that.”

“You don’t?” I ask, because the answer is obvious to me. I want to touch him too. I’m letting my childlike recklessness take over. There’s not one voice in my head saying ‘no’ louder than the ones saying ‘yes’. Yes, yes, yes. 

“I don’t know where to start.” He whispers. 

“I don’t know either.” I respond. Because the answer to that is obvious as well. It’s painfully, unfortunately obvious. We just want each other, that’s all there is to it. Why speak when we can forget it all? Maybe even start where we left off? That could never happen.

His hand strides over to my face in what feels like a quiet but grand gesture, leaning his body slowly into mine. It’s impulsive, rushed. We both have no idea what we’re doing and what this will lead to. 

“Yoongi…” I breathe as he draws his lips closer to me. They’re so shiny, and I remember that cupid's bow so well. His mouth brushes over mine and before I can take another breath, he plants onto me softly. I’m almost too afraid to touch him, knowing it’ll make it all the more real. If I let myself enjoy this moment, will it go too far?

Will I expect things from him he won’t be able to give me? Because I can’t live another eleven years without him. Now that I’m tasting him again, I’m not sure how I even lasted.

It’s slow and his tongue speaks a language that makes the minimal space between us agonizing. Closer, wetter, sensual. It’s what I crave most as his mouth moves with mine in a deep rhythm. I feel the vibration of a low hum coming from this throat, causing me to release the tiniest moan only he could hear. His fingers are relentless with caresses to my jaw, neck, anywhere. 

I keep my hands in his hair, diving into the soft strands that were once mine. I follow the natural growth and end up at his neck, tousling with the hair that almost reaches his shoulders. It was never this long, never this thick. Everything about him is pillowy and soft, so easy to get lost in. He’s eating me whole, and I let him. 

But, there’s a familiar stinging of discomfort when I try enveloping him fully, something that tugs at my heartstrings. Telling me that this is all too much, it’s too painful. I can taste the spotting of wine in his saliva and can only think to pull away in a sudden movement. I need to click my heels to get back into reality, I need to go home. 

“Kanako-” He whispers, caught off guard by my swift action. 

“This is all too–I don’t know if I can do this.” I mutter breathlessly, my head still caught up in the moment we had a second ago, the feelings that are boiling to the surface. My insides are twisting and being turned inside out. This is not how I thought any of this would go.

“Don’t do that, not now.” He asserts.

I’m choking up now, the tears that live inside of me never fail to reset whenever I’m caught. But I know exactly what he’s referring to. No need to play dumb. He knew me then and he can recognize me now. Maybe not know me, not fully, but we’re intertwined together whether we like it or not. His eyes scan me, needing an answer. Don’t run away, they say. 

“I’m not trying to,” My voice shakes, looking back into his gaze again. “I just–I still, I love you.” I say, like I’ve been holding it back since last night. Because I have, every inch of my body is regurgitating those words like they were never supposed to come up. 

He doesn’t speak for a moment, causing me to get up from my seat and try to collect myself. I’m thinking he doesn’t love me back, how could he when it’s been so long? I’m so stupid. 

He takes a short breath, “Of course I love you too, Kanako. How could I stop? How could I have ever stopped?” He says almost angrily. He’s frustrated with my need to escape him again. I can sense it. 

“It’s been too long, we’re strangers.” I respond, fighting the idea that we could ever go back. 

“We need to try. I need to. I couldn’t stop writing songs about you, I couldn’t stop hoping that one day I would find you again. It was never supposed to end that way. Don’t you think so too?” He pleads, his words come out in a blurt-like manner. He’s standing with me as well, his frame still a few inches above me like it was that time ago. 

“And then what– everything just turns out perfectly? We all just live like nothing ever happened?” I shake my head in visible denial.

He takes a step closer to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “No, but we can figure it out. Slowly, but it can happen. Unless you don’t want it to. I can respect that, Kanako. We don’t have to be romantic. Just don���t leave. Pick up my calls, write to me, visit. Anything. Just come back to me.” He whispers. He’s stripped any wall down that stood there previously. We’re now eye-to-eye, lips closening once again. 

He’s magnetic. He’s my home. I’ve tried clicking my heels but I always end up back here, with him. Even if it was just in my dreams. But now he’s real, and how could I ever reject something that makes me feel this good? This loved?

And as he pulls me in once more, to kiss me once more, he says, “Let me in.”

So I’m now his, completely. I don’t feel spun around or twisted into nothing, I feel like his lips are the warm blanket wrapping around my aching body. His mouth aids my thoughts and his fingers ease my tense shoulders. I give in to him. He’s promised himself to me and pleaded that I come back to him. So I will. This time with no hesitation. 

We’re underneath the roof that hides the night sky but as he holds me to lengthen our kiss, I feel like the stars are twinkling above our heads. Like there’s constellations brushing against my neck and the moon is only inches away. I move our bodies closer to the couch, Yoongi’s back now pressed up against it.

He takes my hint and swiftly walks around the gray fixture, taking my hands so I follow him. I turn to him and push his chest softly so he lays down on the plush cushions, his eyes following every single movement I make. He has this smile he always used to have whenever it was just us. Whenever I’d be above him, tugging at my shirt like I am now. 

He sits up, placing his hands over mine that were about to take off my shirt. “Can I do it?” He whispers quietly, desperation leaking off every word. I nod slowly, feeling as he begins to peel off the thin fabric. His fingers brush over my stomach, causing a chill to run down my arms. He gives me goosebumps without having to do anything. 

As he has my shirt fall down on the floor, he runs his hands down my stomach slowly, curling his knuckles into the band of my skirt. He shimmies the tight material down my thighs until it pools around my ankles, leaving nothing to the imagination. His eyes carve out the small details of my body, my mind reeling every time he looked me up-and-down as if we were just two strangers ogling each other. 

Although he’s seen me before, seen all of me, that version of me doesn’t exist anymore. I have new spots and scars and a good amount of weight that wasn’t there previously. It has me feeling a little self-conscious, hoping he isn’t disappointed. I don’t feel a need for his validation, but his reassurance. 

“I don’t have my idol body anymore in case you couldn’t tell.” I joke sheepishly, dropping my head slightly to scan myself. 

He pulls me in, having me straddle his now laying body. “You mean you don’t have the same body you did when you were eighteen? That’s normal and completely, totally fine with me. I want you how you are now.” He kisses my fingers individually as he speaks. I sigh into the softness of his lips as they plant on my fingertips, needing more of him. 

I then jerk my hand from him playfully, a confused expression morphing on his face.

“I wanna see you now.” I say lowly. 

He sets his arms above him like he’s waiting to be undressed which causes a small laugh from me. I lift his shirt off of him, crawling down his body awkwardly for his pants next. “This isn’t as sexy as I’d want it to be.” I mutter.

He chuckles, “But you look cute doing it.” He reaches over to pet my head, which I realize I liked more than I’d be able to admit.

I huff and yank the ankles of his pants to get it over with, once and for all. I let the piece of clothing fall down beside the couch and go back to where I was previously. 

He hums, “As much as I like seeing you on top of me, I think we should do this properly. It is our first time, isn’t it?” 

A smile extends on my face hearing him say those words, although we’re still doing it on a couch, it’s the effort that counts, right? So I abide, letting him sit up so we can trade places. I feel much younger again with the way everything is so airy. My first time with Haneul wasn’t as loving as I had once thought it was. Nothing about that relationship was loving, but it makes me happy to know that I could do this with Yoongi. As if it was a redo, after all those other men these past eleven years. 

I’ve had good sex, don’t get me wrong. But never anything as intimate as this. 

As Yoongi hovers over me, he leans down to press his lips against mine. We get back into what was happening earlier, desperately locking into each other. Filling any gaps of space, which resided into Yoongi sneakily sliding his knee between my thighs. There’s heat radiating off of my sensitivity, including a pooling of wetness as he grinds into me. 

He looks so hot in his black boxers and I use his nearly nude body to my advantage, caressing his soft shoulders. Every part of his body is warm, it’s real. He’s real. His body has changed too. I can tell he’s been working out a little more. Which is never, ever a bad thing. I can’t get enough of him, bucking my hips into his knee further. 

“I’ll give you what you want in a moment,” He teases as his lips part from mine. He kisses down my chin to my neck, licking softly on my collarbones. As his tongue lingers on my skin he lifts my back to unhook my bra almost seamlessly. It causes a gasp from me, feeling the cold air as it bites at my breasts suddenly. His fingers make circles on the sensitive area, teasing my hard nipples. 

His mouth travels down my body but his hands stay on my chest until he’s reached the start of my underwear. I arch my back further when I feel his hot breath against my clothed heat, Yoongi pecking a kiss before he redirects his hands. “This okay?” He asks quietly while his hands play with each side of my panties. 

“Yes, yes.” I whisper quickly. I need him so badly, his mouth, his tongue. I want him inside of me, most importantly. To know what he feels like on top of me. But I can wait, especially if that means he’ll mouth-fuck me first. 

He slides down my underwear slowly, leaving me fully nude. My breath hitches when I feel his hands, quick to spread my legs. He urges me to throw a leg over the couch, so I do. This, I’m not as insecure about. Not when I’m so desperately needy.

His finger glides over the slit of my pussy, “Pretty Kanako. So wet for me. Is it? Just for me?”

I release a shaky breath from my throat, nodding slowly. 

“Let me hear you, pretty. Tell me it’s just for me.”

He’s making an absolute puddle of me, literally and metaphorically. Feeling my secretion dripping down to his already drenched finger that’s barely touched me. “Just for you. All for you.” I whine. 

My hips stutter against Yoongi’s curious mouth, “That’s my pretty baby,” He purrs. He lets his tongue sliver to my opening, flattening the center and licking me slowly. 

“Oh– god,” I choke out, feeling his lips suction around my clit and tugging at it teasingly. 

His mouth releases in a quiet pop– delving back into his previous motions. His tongue shamelessly digs into me, my wet mess painting his chin erotically. He hums into my pussy with devious intent, knowing the vibrations of his velvety voice would send me into a spiral.

– And it does, my hands trying to grab into anything I could to contain myself. I had to remember we were doing this with three people in the next room over, unfortunately. The only time I didn’t want those boys in the same presence as me. 

I try to whisper a ‘f-faster’ but all that escapes is a sigh. I think he understands because before I know it, he uses his fingers to spread me open, covered in my slick. His eyes dart to mine, looking into me as he plants his tongue on my vulnerable clit. My brows furrow and my mouth forms a quiet whimper, feeling him burying his face into me.

My cheeks are burning with a dark red, sweat forming at my forehead. The sight of his moppy hair and bare skin tugging at my thighs is enough to make me want to call it. I need to know how it’d feel to have all inches of his length in me. I remember how big he was– how much I would’ve given to have him tear me open then. And now the moment is so close, including my approaching orgasm. 

His tongue is greedy– and if I didn’t know any better I’d assume this act was for himself. How much he’s sucking and licking me clean, making sure I'm trembling– he loves this. 

“I c-can’t come yet– I need you..” I complain as my body says otherwise. 

He lifts his head to stop, making sure to replace his tongue with his thumb to play with my clit instead. “You sure? My Kanako doesn’t want to come all over my face? Because I know how much you loved it then.” He retorts. It’s hard to wrap my mind around having a normal conversation in the midst of my shaky legs and swollen clit, so I speak, although foggily. 

I place my wrist on my forehead, “I-I do, but I need you inside me. Please.” I plead breathlessly. 

His thumb stops and he travels to my upper body slowly, not bothering wiping the glossy slick that’s smeared on his face. Instead he rushes for a kiss, all forms of fluids being swapped between our mouths. “My needy girl.” He taunts with a smirk on his face. 

His hands travel to his boxers, taking them off swiftly. My wandering eyes still lock on his lengthy dick, seeing it bounce straight up due to how hard he’s become. There’s a familiar liquid that has the head glistening– precum. He gulps as his eyes look back to my body, hot and swollen. I’m a mess for him, I’m utterly open for him. My fingers trickle down to my saturated pussy, circling my clit to provoke him. 

His fingers grip his cock, pumping slowly as he stares at me playing with myself. He’s set in stone, groaning at the scene before him. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He mutters, making gentle eye contact with me. I smile warmly as a thank you, feeling him line his cock against my opening. He pushes in enough to where the tip is fully in, moving his hands so they’re on both sides of me. 

I grab a handful of his hair, bringing his head into the nape of my neck as he makes his first thrust. I let out a gasp that echoes throughout the lounge room when his thrusts become two, three, until he’s created a slow rhythm to ease us both into it. Kanako, pretty pretty Kanako. I love you so much, love being inside you, he moans into my skin.

As pleasure cases him in a haze, his movements speak for him, his cock twitching with every inch he buries into me. I’ve hit the point where I’m beyond words, just spiraling into the mess he’s created of me. All that’s coming out is pitiful whimpers as my hands grip at his hair and back. 

“Y-You’re tightening around my c-cock, you know that?” He moans in disbelief. He removes his head from my neck to sit up right, continuing to pump into me. They’re growing faster by the second but by his sultry eyes I can tell he wants to savor every moment of this. I take in the crevices that outline his skin. The soft muscles around his stomach and his veiny hands that are holding steady on my stomach. 

He’s focused on pushing himself further into me, wanting to fill up my insides with as much of his cock as he can. He slips a hand to my ankle that’s resting over the couch, placing it on his shoulder to gain more momentum. My head brushes the arm of the couch as he fastens his pace, watching as he bites his lip. “You look so good underneath me, baby. Keep your eyes on me– wanna see how you look taking all of me,” And so I do, enjoying every single second of my view of him ramming into me like he knows nothing else. 

His thumb climbs back over to my clit, rubbing it gently to induce an orgasm from me. I can only assume he’s close, seeing his mouth agape and his thrusts becoming pounds. He’s hitting that spot inside me repeatedly, the overstimulation making me forget about how quiet I’m supposed to be. 

“Yoongi…yoongi…fuck-!” His name rolls off my tongue effortlessly. 

“Give it to me, pretty. Cover my dick in your cum, please,” He grunts quietly, leaning his head back with elation.

His sweaty bangs hang over his reddened face as he pumps into me in-and-out like clockwork. I watch him clench his jaw, his hold on my calf becoming tighter as his body reaches closer and closer to release. I tighten around him as the thumb he has pressed against my clit becomes too much to bear, tears pricking my eyes. “Yoongi, please–” I whimper loudly, digging my hands into his back.

He groans behind his teeth– snapping his hips to pump into my slick heat, our fluids conjoining together, making his dick glisten with a foggy whiteness. I shut my eyes quickly and let the sensations take over, a rush of warmth starting from my toes to my head. 

It makes me hazy in every sense of the word, high off the feeling of his dick hitting my sensitive spot over and over again— whilst he simultaneously circles my swollen clit with the pad of his thumb. 

“O-Oh shit–” I moan, my legs nearly going limp underneath him. I feel Yoongi slide his cock out,

grabbing a fistful of my hair to bring my face up to his dick. “Open f-for me, baby,” He demands, and I do so, having him stuff my mouth full of his length. 

I place my hands on his hips and stroke him with my tongue, suctioning his hard cock. 

“God– fuck!” He moans, tugging at my hair as he paints the inside of my mouth with white. I don’t let go from my grip on his skin, bobbing my head into him to stretch out his orgasm as much as I can. We’re both as tired as can be but watching him from below like this, seeing him unravel, is all I need to keep going. 

“Baby– baby…” He cooes as he glides his length from my mouth, collapsing from his knees and pressing his forehead against mine– breathing heavily. He grabs my face with his hands and kisses my mouth lazily, “My Kanako…I love you,” He whispers, moving his lips to scatter pecks all over my face. 

“I love you, Yoongi. I love you so much.” I reply lazily, succumbing to his sloppy kisses. He holds me like this for moments on end, forehead pressed against mine. We share each other's air as our chests move fast, heavy. I can see his tired state and yet– he’s unable to let go of me. Breathing me in as I am him, not wanting to end this just yet. 

But of course there seems to be always something, especially when it comes to the fact we just had sex on this hotel couch. Nice hotel couch, ‘kay?

“What the actual fuck.” The moment is interrupted, like a dumbbell being dropped on a glass coffee table. I’m struck with the deepest sense of horror and embarrassment, reality hitting me hard and fast. Jungkook is stood there, boxers only, rubbing his eyes as he stares at me and Yoongi. We’re both covered in sex and must smell like it too– Yoongi grabbing a pillow to throw over me. 

“Jungkook, this is– it’s-” Yoongi starts, but the young boy cuts him off.

“You guys are really…” He trails off in his scratchy-sleep voice. 

I furrow my brows angrily, so many feelings being present at once. 

“Just- let me get dressed and we can talk about this.” I urge him, darting my eyes around to emphasize the current situation. My naked body, Yoongi’s now soft dick, and a messy couch. 

Jungkook shakes his head and goes back into his room to get dressed as well, is what I choose to assume. The door shuts quietly and I turn to Yoongi– my eyes wide. “Fuck. Fuck.” I whisper yell at him. 

“I’m sorry, I know-”

“I need to talk to him.”

“Kanako, he’s older now. He isn’t fifteen anymore, don’t you think he can handle it?” Yoongi questions. I bite my lip and pick up my clothes from the floor, deciding to put Yoongi's bigger shirt on instead of my tight one. I don’t bother snapping my bra back on– too much work. 

I answer while changing, “There’s other conflicts at hand. I think you know what they are.” I respond. Yoongi grows faint, only nodding. 

As I struggle to put on my skirt I decide to leave it off, knowing the baggier top will cover whatever my underwear can’t. “Just let me talk to him. I’ll be back. Tell him to meet me out there.” I say evenly, pointing my gaze to the balcony. 

Yoongi sighs in acceptance and plants a kiss on my forehead, “As long as you come back.” 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 3:30AM

I stand on the balcony, arms resting on the railing. There couldn’t be anything more nostalgic than standing out here. Under the stars in this summer air. Reminds me of all those good and bad moments I had in their dorms. This would be the perfect way to end this night– if it wasn’t for what just happened. 

I hear Jungkook behind me, his hand closing the sliding door. “Hey.” He mutters. 

“Jungkook…” I say almost immediately, needing to hash whatever it is to come.

“You know it’s funny,” He shifts, walking next to me with his hands stuffed in his pockets.“When I got here at first, I didn’t even know it had a balcony. It’s covered behind those curtains, but I felt drawn to it. So I opened them and discovered this. You were the first thing I thought of when I got out here.”

“Really?” I ask, entertaining the sudden change in topic. If it keeps me from having to talk about what he walked into, I’ll gladly do so. 

“Kanako, you pop up into my head at least once a day.”

“For the past eleven years?”

His mouth stutters before he speaks, “Never skipped a day. I…don’t think any of us went a full twenty-four hours without thinking of you.” 

I whisper a small ‘oh’, looking at him fondly. The night sky shadows his face perfectly, following the curvature of his nose to his lips. That lip ring, I can’t deny it looks great on him. My eyes

can’t help but trail to the sleeve on his arm, scattered in permanent ink. I crave for the mutuality we had before. But I don’t regret doing what I did with Yoongi, even if it makes me selfish. 

“What about you?” He meets my eyes, “Did you ever think about me?”

I ache at his voice, hearing him ask that. Like he should know. He needs to know. 

“Every day.” I confess easily. I’ve been needing to say that. “I’m sorry I didn’t call…or-or pick up. I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t…” My voice gets shaky and my throat gets caught. 

He wraps his arm around me casually, like he used to before. This time it’s able to loop around my shoulder fully, and it covers more. It’s solid and warm, comforting. 

“I forgive you.” He says, placing a kiss on my head. I nuzzle into his embrace, accepting the forgiveness I don’t think I deserve. Maybe I will one day, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for everything I lost. 

“Thank you, Jungkook.” I smile, persevering through the stinging that’s currently ripping me in two. A beat of silence floats above us, but it isn’t unwanted. It’s singing softly, like background music. I settle into the darkness of the sky, enjoying the feeling of having him here again. 

I always dreamt about this. About seeing them, him, Yoongi, all over again. I’m so content. But still, there’s a question. Undeclared queries my mind is aching to figure out the answer to.

“Jungkook–”

“I know.” 

“But-”

“I’ll get over it.” 

He sucks in his teeth, nodding as if accepting his fate. I shake my head and separate my body from his. He looks at me like I’m being difficult, “Kanako, let’s not do this.” He argues.

I bite the inside of my cheek, “I can’t…be truly happy with Yoongi if you’re in pain. It’s not fair.”

His expression softens. It’s almost like he’s the eldest, the one to talk me down. It makes me devastated to see him take on this role. The bigger person, the mature one. 

“I can’t be truly happy if you’re not. I love you, so that means I want the best for you. I-I would’ve fought for you. I could’ve. God Kanako– the things I would’ve done to have you–” He chuckles to himself, running a hand through his messy hair, “But you’ve never been mine.” He finishes, pupil’s still focused on me. 

You’ve never been mine. Those words pain me, thinking of what he must’ve felt through all of this. The heartbreak, the loss, and now the rejection. If only I could feel what he felt, if I could aid his pain in some way. The thought of giving up Yoongi for Jungkook is not at all an easy one, not one I’d choose in this lifetime. The boy was never that to me. if I could be two different people, just so he could have a part of me in the way he wants, I would. 

But that’s not possible. It never will be. 

I exhale heavily, processing everything he’s just said. Everything that’s happened the past few hours. 

“How did it even come to that? The last thing I remember…” I whisper.

“It wasn’t until you were gone, like really really gone, Kanako. I was just a kid, I didn’t know what those feelings were. How I felt about…a life with you. One that was different than I initially thought. And when I finally did I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I needed to talk to you, to know if that could ever happen.”

“Is that why? You called for-for months?”

He looks down, “Towards the end, yeah. Until it was clear that you didn’t want to be…known anymore. I know different now, obviously. But, it broke me. I was so angry that every girl I was ever with was compared to you. Every girl I wanted was just a replica of you. I mean– whatever. It’s…whatever.” He shrugs and shifts his gaze back to the streets before us. 

I peer my head over to him, “I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m so sorry. I wish…that I could-”

“Don’t do that to me, Kanako. Please.” He mutters, still refusing my direction. 

I reach my finger for his chin, tilting it towards me. There’s watery tears pooling his eyes, making me crumble at the sight. I would do anything to heal his hurt, to make this all the easier. But would it be selfish of me to choose Yoongi? There is no other option for me, besides no one at all. 

I don’t love Jungkook the way he wants me to, I don’t think I ever could. He holds a big piece of my heart, one made especially for him. He fits into the crevice so perfectly, but the space for anything more is nonexistent. I could never kiss him the way I do Yoongi, never look at him like a lover. He’s my Jungkook. While Yoongi holds the position of soulmate, Jungkook is my twin flame. Connected by familiarity and nostalgia, everything that has to do with the word ‘home.’

He smiles, the one he does where I can see his two front teeth. He’s back. 

“I won’t. Just stay by our side again, okay?” He says, though I know through layers of pain.

He almost jumps at me– bringing me in for a tight hug. I go on my tip-toes slightly to rest my chin on his shoulder, surrendering all my tension into his arms. “I’ll stay. I’ll stay, Kookie.”

He hums and rocks me slightly, from side-to-side. I reach my hand over his arm to wipe the small drops that were close to running down my face. This time, and maybe one of the firsts, the tears being happy ones. Pure, indescribable bliss runs through my body like clear river water, knowing I’m back with them for good.

“You’ll be here tomorrow, right? We can go to breakfast and maybe some art galleries?” Jungkook sniffles, parting from the hug. 

I sigh whilst my body cringes, thinking of work. Fuck. 

“I have to go to work tomorrow, my boss needs me to review some stuff.” I whine, showing my blatant annoyance. 

He frowns, “You can’t call out?”

I puff out, placing my hands on my hips. “Jungkook.”

“Sorry, sorry. That’s okay, I suppose. But you’ll make it to visit us before our flight? It’s at 6 pm, but you can see us at four-thirtyish, before we head out so you’re not caught by paparazzi or something.”

I nod quickly, “Yes, absolutely. I can do that.”

Some quietness passes, he shuffles his feet awkwardly. 

“What?” I squint, confused. 

“Well, what about…after? Will we hear from you? WIll you…visit?” He mumbles coherently enough to where I can understand. I hesitate, but only for a millisecond. I’m sure of it now, all of it. I won’t run away. Not when it’s good for me. And they’re good for me. 

A part of me flickers thinking of Korea again. But I think it’ll look different, feel different. I’m embracing the old Kanako as much as the new one. If anything, I’m excited to experience it as the person I am now. See it in a different lens. Maybe I’ll visit the Han River again, ride bikes with Namjoon and have picnics with Yoongi. 

And most importantly, I know my mothers spirit resides there. She isn’t a ghost to me anymore, something I’m afraid of. Keiko’s made it easier to celebrate her. I can do that again. With them. 

I reassure the young boy, “I’ll call, text, send letters, and facetime. And…maybe I’ll stop by for a visit or two. Possibly stay at your place?” I bite my lip, staring up to him teasingly. Knowing he’ll definitely like the idea of me sleeping over like all those times before. 

He shrugs like it’s no big deal, “Sure, yeah. Whatever. You’re gonna have to tell Yoongi that he’s gonna have to split the time up…or we’ll just share the bed again.”

“I’m nearly thirty, Jungkook. I can’t do that.”

He pouts. 

I roll my eyes in response, “Ok. Maybe.” 

The sliding door opens once more, a now-dressed Yoongi peering from inside. Jungkook tenses just a bit, not saying anything as he enters. 

“Everything..okay?” Yoongi asks, folding his arms to protect himself from the slight cold that lingers. 

I smile at Jungkook who in turn eases back up. 

“I was actually just telling Jungkook,” I turn back to Yoongi, “That I’ll be visiting you guys before you head off for the airport. Work and stuff.” I finish. Jungkook nods in agreement, shoving me playfully. “Tell him what else.” He whispers. 

I suck in a breath, “Andddd, I’ll be visiting you soon. In Korea. So don’t get sick of me just yet.” 

He follows to where me and Jungkook are, placing his elbows on the balcony railing. We all look at each other fondly, taking mental pictures of this moment. 

Yoongi exhales, “If you're the one taking care of me, I hope I get sick all the time.” 

Jungkook cringes, “That was so bad, hyung.” 

JULY 11TH, 2023, 4:27PM

There’s been many times throughout my work day that I’ve fallen asleep. If it wasn’t for this day being especially busy, I would’ve passed out on my desk. But everything in me was fighting to stay conscious. Not because I was needed, but because of the boys. 

Embarrassingly so, they were my main priority of the day. I made sure I got everything done just in time to clock out early, rushing to gather my things and speeding out the door. 

Now I sit in an Uber in the middle of traffic. The hotel they’re staying at is ten minutes away by car but fifteen minutes on foot. I bounce my leg anxiously as I dart my gaze from my phone to the busy road. The minutes are passing quickly and I can’t seem to slow time down. 

“Five o’clock traffic, right?” The driver laughs, tapping the wheel to the song that’s playing on the radio. 

My brows are furrowed and I’m biting my lip, hard. Ignoring whatever the man at the front said when my thoughts become deafening. 

Shit. I have no choice. 

It’s already four-thirty, so I grip the door handle and apologize profusely. 

“Sorry! Sorry! I’ll pay you for the full thing! Bye!” I exclaim, opening the door. I grab my bag and throw it over my body, cross-bodying it. I look down to my sneakers that I swapped out before I left for work, thanking God I didn’t forget my usual routine. New York is the most walk-able, non-walk-able city to ever exist. You always need a pair of these if you are gonna go anywhere. Or, suffer for the intention of beauty. That, I’ve done plenty. 

Anyway, I start running. Full on sprinting. I know starting off with such speed will only tire myself out. But, I need to get there on time. I can’t have them thinking I’m bailing on them. As I pass the confused, scared people I grow to be beyond shame at this point. 

I throw my hands over my breasts to keep them still, again, beyond shame. I pass by stores, outlets, apartments, and this run is probably the most cardio I’ve done since my idol days. I can see the entrance of the hotel inching closer, yet I have so many crosswalks I still need to pass. 

One by one I wait every single time. Safety first? 

I’m a heavy-breathing, sweaty-hairline mess by the time I’ve met with the last crosswalk. There’s already paparazzi hiding behind cars and bushes, ready to sneakily snapshot the moment those boys leave the building. 

I have to think fast as I approach the hotel, not knowing how I could possibly hide my face. I could not, in any shape or form, have my face back in the tabloids connected to BTS’s name. There’s already enough of that in the news now, considering the release of their book. 

I did snoop around during my lunch break, seeing old photos that somehow leaked. Ones where I know staff took them, which is disappointing knowing they probably turned those in just for a couple hundred bucks. It’s nothing defaming to the boys or me, just private moments I wish had stayed private. 

So, my name is already circulating around. I dig in my bag for an old face mask that’s been there for months, probably. I throw it on my face and release my hair from my ponytail, attempting to hide as much of my features as I can. 

I take a deep breath as I begin the pathway to the hotel doors. I attempt to look as casual as I can, passing the paparazzi as a regular city-goer. Just a very rich woman who is always staying at this hotel, nothing to see. Nothing to notice. 

I reach my hand for the door handle until it bursts open, knocking me to the ground suddenly. Namjoon stands with luggage in hand, stunned and apologizing profusely before really understanding what just happened. I too am confused, rubbing my butt in pain and the brightest red shading my cheeks. I just got knocked down in front of all these paparazzi, and as I see Jimin my eyes widen when he shouts loudly, “KANAKO! NAMJOON, YOU IDIOT!” 

The blonde, leather-jacketed man drops his suitcase to run to my rescue, helping me from the ground. The snapshots of cameras become faster, flashier, seeing the very popular star assisting the woman they now know as Kanako Fujishima.

The retired, scandalous idol. 

Jungkook and Yoongi are close behind, witnessing the sight of my disheveled state. 

JK splits through Joon and Jimin, “Kanako, we thought you couldn’t make it!” He exclaims, hugging me even with the prowling eyes. 

I hold him firmly, warmly. Feeling relief knowing I could still see them off.

“I jumped out of my Uber to be here if that tells you anything. I had to see you guys before you left, you know.” I smile through my teeth as I speak. 

Yoongi peers from Jungkook's broad shoulders in a baggy white button-up, paired with even baggier black sweats. He looks amazing even with such little effort, and I couldn’t be happier to see his face. 

The events of last night rush past the walls of my mind, having to push them down if I was ever wanting to speak normally again. I attempt to not become a stuttering mess, feeling like a nervous mess with a school crush.

“Hi Yoon.” We share a breathy laugh before he pulls me in his arms as well. 

“You’ve never called me that before.” He says, his embrace making all of my surroundings suddenly melt into the back of my mind.

The cameras haven’t halted their flashing and I try not to picture the headlines in my head when I hear them, overlapping one another. 

He pulls away from me, taking a risky hand to caress my face. Pulling the face mask off my face, he tucks it into his pocket.

“Yoongi, there’s people–”

“I know.”

He eyes my lips in a swift move before dipping his head to kiss me. His cupid bow lines perfectly with mine, moving in a soft flow. It’s nothing ostentatious by any means, not even heated. It’s short and enough to say something, but not shout it. 

I’m the first to break the kiss in an anxiety-induced cloud, looking at him, my expression completely bewildered. 

“So…” I say in one breath, pursing my mouth in an even line. I look around to the gawking pedestrians and then to Yoongi, who’s enamored…by me? He has an uncomplicated gleam in his eyes that isn’t fading. His hand drops to his side, head nodding to the paparazzi. 

“They don’t matter to me, just you. I love you, Kanako.” He states, his sure gaze pressing into my unraveled smile. 

“I love you. I love you,” I repeat, giving him one last kiss before grabbing his suitcase to hand to him. 

He accepts it hesitantly, brushing our hands together. The boys taking that as the cue to start moving into the car. They all give me more hugs, more temporary good-byes as they step inside the shiny, black vehicle. 

It’s bittersweet, seeing them getting ready to leave. Bitter because I can’t wait to see them, him, again.

But sweet because I know I will see them again. I’m strong enough now. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I’ll be on the next flight to Seoul as soon as I’m able to. And who knows? Maybe I’ll gain the courage to relocate. Perhaps Keiko and I can use a change of scenery. She’s never been to South Korea, and I know with her and the boys by my side, I’ll soothe into it. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’m too excited not to. 

Before Yoongi enters the car he turns to me, giving me a gummy smile that buzzes through my body instantaneously. 

“I’ll see you back home.” He says.

click here to start from the beginning!

an: holy shit you guys. this has been so healing and so fun for me to write this past month. seeing this community of people enjoy my writing has been so extremely eye-opening and crazy since this has always been a passion of mine! thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning into to all chapters of cool about it! and to readers who are joining after it’s all finished, thank you too for keeping it alive!

im thinking about doing little drabbles or one-shots here and there (of all the members bc ot7) as well so stay tuned for that!

don’t get sick of me just yet!

love you all. thank you.

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