#been continuously sick since november lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilxberry · 3 years

Text

Truth - Maddy Perez

Synopsis;

Maddy, during a party, was dared to pull quite the mean trick on you, who everyone seems to know had liked Maddy. What comes to follow certainly isn’t that of happy endings.

Warnings: Language. ANGST.

Words: 1,243 (if only the 3 and 4 were switched lmao)

Pairing: Maddy Perez x Reader. Maddy Perez x Nate Jacobs.

(A/N: Here’s part 2 to Dare. I’m definitely doing a part 3 ‘cause I’m feeling iffy with how this ended. Plus I have ideas to where I can take this now.)

Part 1: Dare

_______________

After the embarrassment at the party during the weekend, you unfortunately still had to attend school today. You kept your head down in shame as you pass through the doors, not brave enough to meet anybody’s eye. It felt odd, being surrounded by so many people after isolating yourself from everyone for a few days.

As you walked along the hallways, heading towards the history class for first period, Maddy had her gaze set upon you. She felt a pang of guilt inside of her as she watched your form. She had only done the dare because Nate had roped her into the game. They had only recently gotten back together so she wanted to keep him happy.

The whole school had known of your feelings towards the girl and it appeared they had taken that knowledge and twisted it to fit into their sick game of Truth or Dare.

Maddy wouldn’t dare to speak of how she truly felt about you, especially when Nate is involved. Nate can become...violent when showing his possessive side and she knew that he would somehow hurt you as well as her if he even remotely felt he was losing Maddy to someone like you.

But Maddy’s secretive side stays as it implies. Secretive.

Oh how she wished she could go up to you, apologise and confess how she truly felt but this isn’t the same sodding game that was played Friday, this was real shit with real consequences which she couldn’t afford to go through.

Maddy inwardly sighed as to not raise suspicion with her boyfriend whom is placed beside her by her locker. She collected what she needed, closed her locker quickly and headed to class, hand in hand with Nate.

_______________

You had gone through most of the day without many issues. The old look you received from your peers, in pity or amusement, were a less frequent occurrence than you had imagined they be which shocked you.

That changed once lunch time rolled around.

You made your way into the cafeteria like usual although more reserved, and sat at your usual table. You were halfway through your food when the large space had suddenly fell silent. Curious, you looked up and noticed Maddy heading towards you, just like that Friday at the party, a more sympathetic and sombre expression across her features this time.

“Hey. Can we talk?” If it wasn’t for the deathly quiet room, you’re almost certain you wouldn’t have heard her.

You scoffed. “Not really in the fucking mood for conversating, Perez.” She had slightly flinch at the use of her surname being spat out with a venomous tone.

Maddy regained her composure and exuded confidence as she spoke. “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer Y/N.”

You sighed as you realised the truth behind her words. If Maddy Perez was anything, it’s stubborn. You pushed your half empty tray forward as you stood up and made quick haste picking up your bag.

She turned on her heel and strutted towards the exit of the cafeteria with great speed, you trailing behind. Just by the silence that still remained, you knew all eyes were on the both of you as you walked.

She had led you towards the parking lot and towards her car. Maddy unlocked her vehicle and motioned for you to get in. You inwardly groaned as you rounded the car to the passengers side and climbed in. You situated yourself on to the passenger seat, body slightly turned, ready for Maddy to speak as tries to get comfortable herself.

Maddy finally broke the silence as she angled her body to face you. “I’m sorry. About Friday. It was a real dick move and I knew I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it would have fucked with you like that but I still went through with it and I’m sorry.”

You sat there silently, processing her words for what felt like hours but in actuality were only minutes. You sighed out before you looked her in the eye. “You never used to be like this, Mads. Ever since you started dating Nate, you’ve become this colossal bitch and I really fucking hate that. And I think you do too.”

Before she could utter a single word, you continued. “When I realised I liked you, it was before you changed into...this.” You motioned towards her with your hand. “I tried stopping whatever the fuck it was I was feeling for you but it didn’t fucking work. You were really fucking nice before Nate, Mads. It pissed me off to realise you changed so much for one prick who, by the way, does not treat you right.”

“I get it, okay! And I’m sorry! I’m really fucking sorry, Y/N.” Maddy exclaimed loudly, trying to show that she understands. You scoffed yet again at the words the girl spoke.

“I don’t think you do get it, not really. Shit, I was in love with you! What you did Friday was seriously fucked up! When everyone found out I liked you, I had so much shit off of people! I was even threatened by Nate when that shit came out, don’t you understand that?!” By this point, you were enraged at how the girl had made you feel. You noticed the steady flow of tears from her eyes and felt the build up of your own.

“I hate you, Maddy Perez.”

Those words wounded her to no end. Maddy had felt like she had been punched in the chest by Mike Tyson on repeat. Her heart had felt like it turned into fragile glass that had instantly shattered.

“You don’t mean that! You don’t mean that, Y/N!” She had began to sob as she shook her head vigorously, denying the existence of that hurtful sentence as much as she could muster.

Maddy quickly grabbed your face surged herself forward whilst pulling you towards her, crashing your lips together. You quickly broke away from her. “What the actual fuck, Maddy?!” You looked at her in surprise, anger and, much to Maddy’s dismay, disgust. “You just don’t know when to quit, do you?! What? Do you enjoy fucking with my head? HUH?!”

You had wiped the back of your hand across your mouth, harshly cleaning your lips of her gloss mixed with tears. You swung the door open and quickly scrambled to get out. Maddy pleaded with you as you exited her car but her pleas fell upon deaf ears. You refused to listen.

After she watched your form leave the parking lot and heading for the main gates through her blurred vision, Maddy released a guttural scream as she wailed in anguish over pushing you so far that you had eventually left.

Forcing herself to calm down, Maddy decided that she couldn’t go back in. Typing a quick text to Nate with trembling hands, she placed her phone on to her lap and began to drive home.

‘not feeling too great rn, heading home. speak later xx’

_______________

Nate looked down at his phone and his jaw clenched. He would have believed her if he hadn’t witnessed the whole ordeal between his girlfriend and yourself. He was pissed but he knew how to work the situation in his favour.

He believed Maddy was made solely for him and him alone. He wasn’t going to share and he wasn’t going to play fair.

No one snatches what’s his and gets away with it.

_______________

I mean, Idek what to say about this

It could definitively be both better and worse. Y’all got to remember that I only started writing fics at the end of November PLUS I’m juggling this with college lmao

Anyway, I hope you enjoy

As always, constructive criticism and requests are welcomed and greatly appreciated :D

#maddy perez #maddy perez x #maddy perez x reader #x reader #x fem reader #x fem #x female!reader #euphoria #hbo euphoria #euphoria fic #euphoria fanfic #euphoria fandom #euphoria fanfiction #hbo #maddy perez fic #nate jacobs

738 notes · View notes

bluewinnerangel · 3 years

Note

Almost everyone has a swift tattoo lmao and a paper airplane. They "dated" for like two months c'mon now lol

Hmm I'm assuming you're talking about what I put in tags earlier today which yes was at one end of a scale but your ask is at the other. I don't know why we gotta exaggerate to make a point... "almost everyone has a swift tattoo lmao" I mean you could have just said "It's just a bird" and be done with it. I don't know anyone with a swift tattoo. I... don't even find swift tattoos when searching for swift tattoos, it's that uncommon. Really the search results are 90% swallows instead. warflashbacks to Louis saying a dagger is a common tattoo. Just swallows and even sparrows really. Swallows are definitely basic sailorbitch much (sorry harry <3) but swifts? no. Also do point me towards people rocking both swifts and paper airplanes what a double-down.

Then for the second bit, I think that whole "haylor" stunt was HUGE to them, like it changed them, it was horrible. There was a clear persistent need to put permanent closeting and prison related imagery and complimentary tattoos onto themselves around the time it was happening, and to write songs about it even years down the line, not to mention just how they looked during all of it, they just dated for 2 months lol cmon now I think really really underestimates what this possibly did to them, especially Harry. Read this, and then this if that isn't enough.

Anyway that tag screaming wasn't exactly serious but I could talk about this in a proper way I guess. Actually your ask made me realise swift tattoos are really uncommon and now I'm scared I'm onto something because I don't exactly like this theory. So let's just try to view this from any possible angle we can think of (yes of course this is long af again):

First the facts, anything surrounding paper airplanes and swift birds:

Harry tweets about Paper Airplanes on oct. 4 2012, and wears the necklace already then too. He wears it during that month of promo. Like in a whole bunch of interviews.

The whole “Take Me Home” promo also had paper airplane imagery:

Here too:

November 8: Harry gets his swallows tat.

November 9:

One Direction’s album Take Me Home is released.

First sighting of Taylor wearing an paper airplane necklace

So yeah Taylor doesn't wear her knock-off until the day of the Take Me Home album release, how stunty promo can all this get really. And it's definitely been a harry-only thing up until that point.

So the way I see it, that paper airplane necklace was either something Harry liked first and then it got used for promo like crazy, or it was a Take Me Home thingy first and foremost and then Harry got a necklace of it just cause he liked it, or, it was a PR prop from the start. Who knows, but like we've seen since, over and over and over again is that Harry will wear something first and then le girls that get associated with him will start wearing that thing and he just... continues to wear the thing for a bit and then stops. Like... minimum participation. It's not even participation lol. It's like people ruining his aesthetics over and over and over again, that's what it looks like to me. Anyway.

Also still on november 9:

First sighting of Louis’ ‘oops’ and four birds on his right arm.

Louis is sick. Harry is sick. Thanks old 1D timelines.

I'm sure nobody needs this link but there's the tattoo timeline

December 2: dark pit of haylor hell starts with that at-the-zoo-in-NYC pap shoot

December 19: in the midst of the haylor hell they find a time to get the ship & compass to happen.

January 7: "haylor" officially breaks up

January 23: Louis gets the swift bird and the paper airplane tattooed.

There's a shitload going on here.

For the paper airplane tattoo, the easiest and most probable explanation I got for it is something he wanted that related to the album. Or even simpler, looks fun that's all. Or pick one of the endless meanings if you wish: travel, being carefree, flying, go where the wind blows the wind makes nice waves, whatever.

But this is also the Louis that followed Harry into a tattoo shop (again something that was turned into some haylor PR juice) to get a complimentary home-pointing tat, this is SHE'S MINE Louis, this is He Got The Dagger Louis, and that paper airplane that first very clearly associated with Harry, then made into a very very very haylor thing, like basically their whole stunt was build around it for about a month before they were papped and stuff? Basically Harry was wearing something that Taylor/PR then made "theirs", and the second that ended Louis pretty much immediately put that thing on himself? Permanently? He associated him instead with that thing?

It kinda reminds me of the recent (I mean relatively) umbro shirt. That insta story was the only thing holding Louis and E by a thread in a long while and then Harry shows up wearing the shirt Louis is wearing in that photo? Like nah bitch that one thing you got yourself associated with my boy there I'm just gonna take right back thank you very much, MINE vibes much?

Then for the swift bird... First of all to me it's definitely a swift and not another bird. I don't think that's really up for debate but still here you go:

Is it possible Louis got a swift bird because of the name? Yes. Do I want it to? Hell no. I definitely want to hold onto a headcannon where he just thought K cool bird for me arm and that's just what he got, other beautiful pieces of interpretations could be if you're a bird im a bird, or just meaning freedom, wanting to fly (away/home), yaknow bird stuffs. It could be that he didn't even know it's a swift because I think with all the apparent distaste if he knew it was a swift, with the haylorshit that fresh, just weeks old, he wouldn't want that? Like? Right? That's weird right? That's the common thought right? That's why you came into my inbox right? Right? Because you don't want that but you recognize that's a swift bird and he probably knew that when he got it, so then the conclusion is that that bird is common? And that in order for him to get that anyway eventho haylor was fresh must mean he didn't care for that shit at all and so what it's a swift, that girl and anything associated with her is not even on my mind at all, i just want a bird whatever, I'm not holding any value whatsoever to all that bullshit it was just a 2 month fake thing like whatever come on. Right? Otherwise you gotta go places that are a bit whatthefuck.... But time and time again it showed that that time was really impactful. And then wambam in the middle of that comes an uncommon tattoo of specifically a swift. If you wanna go for any bird you usually don't accidentally end up with a swift really, I can tell you a whole bunch of birbs that are commonly prefered and look better than a swift too. As for the other theory that they're going for monogamous mate for life birbs: Sparrows, Swifts, Eagles, Kiwi's, and Penguins... If you google what birds mate for life you get, well, not these. you get all kinda birbs but not this list. It's just another thing we all just love too much to let bubbles burst with fact checking. I mean I love the theory but no. So the idea that he got a swift weeks after his bropal broke up with miss Swift just because it's a birb that mates for life while he had dozens of birds to choose from doesn't hold up and even if it does it's still a pretty weirdo choice if you ask me. So then I got a crazy insanity theory left that follows the same logic as the paper airplane that he got the same day, that Harry was constantly associated with Swift at the time, and this absolute chaotic what the fuck are you doing lovestruck ass went like no bitch, with meeeeeeee, that he specifically got it because it's a swift. Or that this thing left such a huge impact that among all Harry's prison tattoos he got something to relate to their closet too, indirectly, through this route. Or whatever other reason I can't even think of. It was a dare and he was trying to be cool who knows. I mean yeah that's insane and extra, but it's not like that's not right up the alley of insanity we've seen them in? Especially with all the tattoos??? I mean yeah it's not really a theory I like. Yes yes it's utterly ridiculous but, he is? He was? He has been since? Both of them? Are? Insane? So...? Yeeeeee. Plausible? I want to say no. Possible? Yes.

just a bird for me arm, it is what it is, just a boat.

Thank effinbirds for the relevant reactionmemes

I mean he took that haylor shit all the way to Walls

#spewing fire insanity im sorry #but ive come too far to let it go #just dont open it lol

81 notes · View notes

waithyuck · 3 years

Text

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don’t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #neothestars #nctcreations #nct: almost #chenle #zhong chenle #nct #nct dream #chenle angst #chenle scenarios #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #idk how to tag shjsjs #chenle fanfic #???#chenle x reader

166 notes · View notes

bellybiologist · 3 years

Text

Current Dealings and Collecting Some Feedback/Opinions

(This is a post on my patreon, copypasted to here)

Hey guys, Just coming to reiterated what some of my original plans were, what's going on personally, and to collect some feedback on what I want to try to do this November and December.

Currently, since my mom passed, my household BASICALLY lost somewhere between 1/2 to 2/3rds of our income, and my patreon earnings are, atm, the only income I'm getting to pay for rent and all our various other bills until my aunt finds steady employment (she has some income working for a friend, but that friend is a douche and she's trying to get out of that).

It's been real rough for the both of us. Just recently, we paid off the 300+ dollar bill for the electricity that the oxygen compressor my mom required just to breathe at home for the couple months before she died, and only with help from my uncle.

She passed in august, we had her cremated, and we had her funeral and had to deal with a lot of stuff she hoarded in September due to apartment management needing to deal with maintenance. And i'm just currently... not feeling great if i'm being honest, especially after her birthday which was on the 13th of october (3 days before mine which was on the 16th).

Fall/Winter is always rough because its the season my mood drops in general, and the fact that i've recently lost my favorite person this year has my anxiety at an all time high, and energy at an all time low. I'm getting work done slowly, but my constant mood is basically that one meme image of Coraline's dad from the movie.

Anyway. I definitely need a break before i burn out or simply break down. Initially, I planned on taking my month off in January, but I think i'm going to need to take some time off earlier so i dont really crash and burn.

However, I can't really take a break cuz i need the income due to the above reasons. I only have like, 2 months rent saved up at any given point, so I'm feeling very pressured to power through and keep working... which, objectively, is not a great idea for anyone's mental/physical health, especially when I haven't felt like i had time to properly grieve and acclimate, and it's starting to catch up to me.

=====

So here's a proposition that I'd like to collect feedback on.

For November, December, and maybe January, I will continue to produce patreon exclusive content. But during these month's, I will be producing a reduced amount, thus giving me more time to rest, and more time to finally catch up on the commissions i owe (I'm very sorry for those who have been waiting since April. I simply could not predict how devastating my summer was gonna be 😔. I appreciate all of you guys' patience, but if it's still too much of a wait, do remember i still offer refunds as long as i havent sent a completed piece... which basically means you all apply, lmao.)

So for the month's with reduced content, I will still hold theme and character polls for people to exert their voting powers. However! I will only be doing fills for the first top 3 winners, and each will only be getting a single fill (as in, no sequences, similar to the 3rd and 4th place fills).

=====

Let me know what you think! I'm hoping this temporary set up wont last no longer than into January and that i can get back on the ball and have an at least half-way decent 2022, but it's gonna take some doing for sure. Once again, thanks for all of your support! Despite how badly things went this year, the few things I was able to do for my mother while she was sick this summer is all thanks to you guys. So i'm eternally grateful for that. 🙏🏽

#verzi rambles #patreon announcement

8 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1281

survey by chasingghosts

Who?

Who was the last person you had an intelligent debate with? Not so sure - maybe Angela and Reena. Our group chat will occasionally veer towards serious topics.

Who was the last person who cooked something for you? Dad, I believe; but I can also hear my mom preparing breakfast downstairs so she will be the next last person haha.

Who was the last person who you heard singing? Other than me, my co-worker Dev’s sibling when we had our weekly ~fade-out-slash-bonding call with the rest of the team last Friday. She had left her mic on while we were all doing the last remaining bits of work for the week and I could hear her sibling humming in the background.

Who was the last person you kissed and it meant something? My ex.

Who was the last person you were upset with? Myself.

Who was the last person you danced with? I don’t really dance with other people unless...like, drunk. But I guess my swaying and bouncing with Angela when we watched Sowoozoo counts.

Who was the last person you felt awkward around? The food delivery rider who was bringing food my aunt wanted to send over to us yesterday. He seemed very confused for reasons I’m still very confused by lmao, so it all made for an awkward encounter.

Who was the last person who borrowed something from you? My mom went into my closet last week to grab something of mine, but I have no idea what it was since I had been half-asleep when she walked in.

Who was the last person who showed you how to do something? My dad taught me how to make coffee that wasn’t from a 3-in-1 sachet lol.

Who was the last person you went shopping with? I don’t really go shopping, much less with other people.

Who was the last person you had a crush on? I haven’t crushed on anyone since my ex, and the people I find attractive nowadays are all celebrities haha.

Who was the last person who made you cry? Myself.

Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Oh, that’s been a while. Still Gabie, I’m pretty sure.

Who was the last person you got drunk with? We were quite a bunch at Angela’s place two weeks ago, but I’ll name a few - her, Reena, Pia, Hans, Al.

Who was the last person who touched your hair? Not sure. Maybe my dad.

What?

What was the last pair of shoes you wore? It was a pair of adidas sneakers.

What was the last birthday party you attended? The last birthday celebration (not necessarily a party) I went to was Angela’s. I darted to her house straight after work that day cos there was no way I was going to miss out on her birthday.

What was the last thing you said to your mother? I think it was just to bid her goodnight last night.

What was the last song you listened to? Seesaw by Suga.

What was the last thing you thought about before going to sleep last night? I was thinking about my headache and how I wanted to fall asleep immediately.

What was the last fun thing you did with your family? We had a Zoom party yesterday to celebrate my cousin Bree’s 12th birthday! Her family sent over takoyaki, milk tea, and pizza to all the households who went and we watched the birthday clips we sent for Bree. It was a lot of fun and it was a super nice break from how monotonous my weekends could be.

What was the last thing you borrowed from someone? My sister’s microfiber cloth so that I could clean my glasses.

What was the last vegetable you ate? I’m blanking out...which is weird because my dad puts veggies in most of the dinners he makes hahaha. Probably something like lettuce or pechay??

What was the last thing you bought online? My friends and I pre-ordered the second season of In The Soop so that we can watch it when it premieres later in the month. We’ll also have to purchase our tickets to BTS’ next online concert that’ll be happening this month too...thanks for reminding me I have to raise it with them haha.

What was the last thing you had to drink? I haven’t had to drink anything recently but the last thing I took a sip of was my coffee.

What was the last reason you went to see a doctor? Continued from yesterday morning. I had had a fever all week long and we couldn’t figure out how to lower my temperature, so we needed to go so I could finally be diagnosed with whatever it was. It turned out to be a UTI.

What was the last non-food item you purchased? Pre-order slots for a pay-per-view series.

What was the last type of yoghurt you ate? Ooh, I don’t like yogurt. I’m blanking out on the last time I had it.

What was the last fast food place you ate at? I haven’t dined in at a fast food place in a while – I think it may have been Jollibee, when Angela and I met up back in February. But I did get KFC for delivery a few weeks ago.

What was the last thing that bothered you and kept you awake? Doesn’t really happen to me nowadays. I get knocked out most nights.

When?

When was the last time you embarrassed yourself? I guess yesterday? I went to Starbucks to work for a little bit but since I hadn’t done dine-in for a couple of months, I had no idea the government modified the rules a bit and required people to bring their vaccination cards if they wanted to dine in. The barista explained the new rule and I ended up profusely apologizing because I didn’t have mine on me, and I also offered that I could just do take out; but she was nice and let me off the hook and just confirmed with me if I’ve had my shots.

When was the last time you watched a movie with someone? Just myself. I did watch Squid Game - binge-watched all 9 episodes straight - with my sister last Saturday, though.

When was the last time you charged your phone? Earlier this afternoon.

When was the last time you were sick with a cold? I dunno. 1 or 2 years ago, maybe? I rarely get colds.

When was the last time you spoke to a family member on the phone? Yesterday when my mom called me up.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Earlier today. Explains why it’s been humid the last few days.

When was the last time you laid awake, unable to sleep? Like I said, struggling to fall asleep doesn’t really happen to me anymore. I usually exhaust myself until I feel like I can pass out the second I close my eyes.

When was the last time you met someone new? I want to say two Fridays ago when I pitched a presentation to a new set of people but still within a client brand we manage.

When was the last time you filled up your car with petrol/gas? I don’t drive a lot, so it’s been a few months.

When was the last time you ate popcorn? Don’t like popcorn so I honestly can’t remember. My mom makes them occasionally though so I may have grabbed one or two just to have something to chew, sometime within the year.

When was the last time you went to a school event? March last year. A school event that had been held on a Friday was literally the last place I was at – by the time that very next Monday rolled around, classes were already suspended.

When was the last time you took the trash out? I’m not normally in charge of that chore so I haven’t done it.

When was the last time you did anything to change your appearance? Like...10 minutes ago? I just fixed my bun since my hair had started to look disheveled from being up all day.

When was the last time you cooked at home? Sometime in like November last year when I tried to make a sandwich. Anyway, my dad just left today to finally head back to his work for the first time in nearly two years, and I told myself (and him) that I should try to learn cooking at least one meal so that I can manage well while he’s gone haha.

When was the last time you had a sleepover? Maybe January of last year.

Where?

Where did you last go shopping for clothing? Not sure about physical spaces but I did open my Zalora app recently to look for cute bucket hats that I’ll probably never buy anyway hahaha.

Where did you last go on a date to? I don’t even remember. I deleted all photos a long time ago.

Where was the last wedding you went to? Manila Cathedral, if I’m not mistaken. This was well over a decade ago, though. I haven’t been to any other wedding since.

Where did you last park your car, other than home? Angela’s house when I visited a couple of weeks ago.

Where did you last leave your keys? Dining table.

Where did your last kiss take place? By my ex’s car when I was bidding her goodbye.

Where did you last go for a walk to? The mall, yesterday.

Where did you last take a vacation to? It was a staycation more than anything, but we stayed at Tagaytay for a night at the start of this year to celebrate my dad’s birthday.

Where did you last go to celebrate your own birthday? We stayed at home. I reported to work that day then just had a huge dinner with my family haha.

Where was the last place you had dinner at? No clue. I want to say Ramen Nagi? when I ate there on my own last February.

Where did you last go to exercise? Rooftop since it’s open-space and no one can see me.

Where did you last take public transport to? I don’t take public transport.

Where does the last person you hung out with live? A city close to mine.

Where did you last visit for the first time? A Korean restaurant close to Angela’s place.

Where did you last take a photo? Just my room.

#survey #surveys

4 notes · View notes

izzyfandoms · 4 years

Text

Intruality - Inedible

(200 ficlets, all since November! Wooo!!!!! This is the 218th! I am posting 27 ficlets today in celebration (all written yesterday oop), as I will take Any excuse to dump a ton of ficlets on you guys lmao)

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @ajdraws0430 @phantomofthesanderssides @creativity-killed-thekitten @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @emo-disaster @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread

Masterpost

"Remus, no!"

Patton's hands were on his hips as he scolded his boyfriend. Given the height difference, with Remus towering over Patton, it looked rather comical, and if Remus's mouth hadn't have been quite full, he likely would have laughed.

"Remus, that is raw meat," Patton continued scolding. "You spit that out right now!"

Remus pouted - an odd expression with a mouth full of food. Then, reluctantly, he walked over to the bin and spat out all the raw meat.

"It was tasty," he frowned.

Patton sighed. "Honey, you're going to get sick."

"Sounds fun!"

"No, not fun. Even you don't like throwing up," Patton said, walking over to him and patting him on the back. "Come on, we're having pizza for dinner. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Remus perked up. "Can I put whatever I want on my half?"

Patton smiled, nodding. "Yup! As long as it's edible!"

Remus grinned, before leaning down in an attempt to kiss Patton. But Patton took a step away from him, and Remus immediately went back to pouting.

"Clean out your mouth, mister, and then I'll give you all the kisses you like."

#me #writing #intruality #moduke #sanders sides #patton sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #fluff #human au

119 notes · View notes

humanemotionssuck · 3 years

Text

Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

#quaranthings #just quarantine thoughts #2020 #bye2020 #new year

5 notes · View notes

kirstielol · 5 years

Text

FMLS90 - my fitness journey so far..

it wasn’t until i was about 17 when i started to gain weight. by the end of high school i was ~200 pounds, and in college i got up to about 230lbs 😬 here’s a quick before and after pic.. first one is from my high school prom!

i hated my body when i was overweight. since i was thin my whole life, i really felt the difference all that weight made. i couldn’t walk for longer than half an hour without getting tired and sore. i couldn’t go hiking anymore. i had no energy.. i was always tired no matter how much i slept. i always woke up feeling sick. every time i went clothes shopping i’d cry in the change room because nothing ever fit right. my prom dress was a size 16, i had to shop in a plus size store for the first time when i bought it, and i remember just crying in the change room bc i felt so horrible about myself.

now to when i started my fitness journey. i was in college, and i had no idea how to actually lose weight. i thought all you had to do was start exercising, so i began jogging every evening. i did it for months, i’d spend 30-45 minutes every day jogging outside, but never lost any weight. i was frustrated, and didn’t understand why i couldn’t lose weight despite trying really hard to.

finally, a close friend of mine told me about calorie counting. he lost over 60lbs himself by doing it, and gave me the resources to learn how to do it too! (it was actually the r/loseit reddit! which i still think is an amazing resource, they have a “quick start guide” on calorie counting that helped me SO MUCH when i started!)

so, i started counting calories around 2013! went from 230lbs to 180lbs! this is right around the time i met my current boyfriend, which completely derailed my fitness journey tbh lmao. we moved in together october 2013, and i stopped calorie counting. we went crazy with ordering pizza constantly, going out for dinners, etc.. and i eventually got back up to 220lbs 😩

around 2015 we both decided it was time to stop being unfit, lazy, and overweight. i taught him how to calorie count, and we both started doing it together! we also bought a bunch of workout equipment, downloaded a fitness program, and started working out every morning in our living room! i went from 220lbs to 128lbs in just under 2 years! 92lbs down!! he also got down to his goal weight!

in fall of 2016 we both joined a gym and started lifting weights! i got pretty buff lookin, and was super happy with my body and how i looked and felt!

until.... we went to costa rica november 2018. the start of my second derailment lol. all you can eat buffet, 3 times a day, for the entire 10 day vacation. i ate way way way too much on that vacation, and continued to overeat and not count calories all winter. luckily i only gained back ~25lbs. i never went back to my old eating habits, i still rarely eat takeout, i eat lots of lean protein and veggies, so i’m glad i kept up my healthy eating habits bc that regain could’ve been a lot worse!

but now i’m ready to get back on track and get back down to 128lbs! my goal is to be visibly buff again! i miss how muscular i used to look!

#what a damn novel lmao.. congrats to anyone w enough patience to read all that #i need that pic thats like 'you really expect me to read all that hog wash by you' lmao #fmls90 #fitblr #weight loss #fit fam #personal

60 notes · View notes

shorties-unite · 4 years

Text

THORRRRR

Idk man I kinda just fell into my TS phase again and discovered this sick band curtesy of the November playlist so my brain decided it wanted to write a thing about a song and I kinda just fell in a hole and now here we are.

I literally haven’t written any type of fanfic thing since cringe 5sos one shots in 2014 (and haven’t let my writing in general be seen by really anyone since then) so like please be nice I'm sensitive lmao.

Also just go listen to thor by push baby okay it’s a 10/10 recommended by Thomas himself and is basically how this drivel managed to escape my brain. ON TO THE STORY.

Summary/Warnings: The boys go for a quiet lil night out together and run into an ex of Roman’s, Virgil thinks about it a lot (mentions of alcohol/intoxication, negative thought spirals/self worth. Basically just a lot of Virgil being a poor lil anxious baby)

Word Count: 1388

He looked like Thor.

The thought echoed through Virgil’s head as they walked along the grey footpath, one arm slung over the shoulder’s of Roman’s orange jacket as he leaned against him for balance, one foot placed carefully in front of another. His other hand gripped the single, dark red rose wrapped in clear plastic. He was quiet as the thought bounced around inside his head. Quiet, partly because he had to focus incredibly hard to keep his feet moving in a straight line, partly because he was worried his lowered inhibitions would lead him to blurt out something. Something other than some witty, sarcastic remark. Something real. Something he might regret. So instead the majority of his current mental processing power was contributing to overthinking into keeping his mouth shut.

Roman had noticed. The few attempts at light conversation had quickly fizzled out moments after they had begun, leaving him just about carrying his insanely intoxicated boy home in silence. He didn’t mind too much. He knew that Virgil liked to keep people at a distance, felt that some of his thoughts should be just for him. He knew they weren’t close enough yet to expect any and all of Virgil’s inner monologue to be announced to him. It was clear to him that whatever was on Virgil’s mind was something he wasn’t yet prepared to share.

He Looked like Thor.

Broad, and shoulders wrapped in a t-shirt that was just tight enough to show off his incredible physique. Rippling pectorals and probably abs and sleeves that capped in exactly the right spot to make the man's biceps appear larger than they already were. Long, unkempt blonde hair pulled back with a single hair tie that looks so effortless but also perfectly calculated. Eyes so blue it was like staring into an aquamarine, or the ocean on a particularly beautiful summer day, down to the glint appeared when his face lit up in a smile. He spoke with a smooth kind of confidence, and seemed to literally set the room aglow with his mere presence. He even had an accent.

Perhaps Virgil would have been able to ignore it all. Let himself be swept up in his own little moment. Had the perfect stranger's eyes not lit up as he scanned the room and stopped at them. Had he not approached, calling for Roman, his Roman (his Roman..?). Had his name not been something as epic and handsome as Brad. Had Roman not reacted so pleasantly, Wrapping him in a warm hug in greeting and asking and saying all the things you were expected too a little too enthusiastically, “It’s been so long!!” “what’s been going on!!’ and the like. Had he not been so polite in introducing himself. Had he not been introduced as Roman’s ex.

Every part of Virgil’s inside had spent the length of time after that squeezing itself smaller and smaller inside of him, Desperately trying to eat away at itself until he was nothing more than a cloud of mist that wasn’t really there. The surface of his face was beginning to numb and he couldn’t tell if it was the bite of the cold wind or the sheer amount of alcohol pumping its way around his blood vessel. His whole body shook, sending vibrations along his companion's shoulders.

Roman glanced up at the freezing boy, suddenly realising he was only covered by his jeans which were torn out at the knees and a worn-in dark grey shirt. He must have forgotten to pick up his jacket as they had left that cramped bar, he was in quite a state after all.

They stopped, and Roman pulled one arm out of his own, bright orange puffer jacket, attempting to offer it to Virgil. “You’re freezing. Here,”. Virgil shook his head, chin lolling against the prince's shoulder, “noo..”, he murmured. “Virgil, you’re literally shaking,”

“ishhh not blaack..” he managed to slur back and Roman huffed. Typical hot topic, so stubborn he was prepared to risk hypothermia for his dark brooding appearance. He shrugged Virgil’s arm higher over his shoulder and they continued there trek, Virgil violently shivering the whole way.

They stopped outside a brightly lit apartment complex, and Roman fumbled in his pocket for the key to the front entrance. “Hey,” Virgil mumbled, peeking out from underneath his purple-tipped bangs, “this isn’t home,’.

“Of course not, you’re place is far out of our way, it’s late and if you stay out here for another minute you’re actually going to get frostbite,” he finally managed to find the right key, pushing into the lock and dragging the other by the arm into the warm interior of the complex and up the stairs. “You can stay here tonight, I don’t mind. It’s not like you’ll make it much further anyway and its better than sleeping in the street somewhere,”.

Roman dragged him through the complex to his apartment, immediately insisting Virgil us his bathroom to shower and warm up. It took several moments of leaning against the door and staring into nothingness until Virgil managed to stop the spin of the room enough to feel comfortable standing on his own, let alone walking. Moments later he found himself seated, back against the tiled wall, warm water showering over him, rushing through his hair and down his face, ending at a steady stream the dripped off the point of his nose. His eyes shut tight both because the bright white colour of the bathroom was too much for his tired, bloodshot eyes and in an attempt to stop the tears that he had only just become aware of.

He’d only had a brief moment to examine himself in the mirror but it was more than enough. He knew what he looked like. Pale and thin, only just to the point that he occasionally was asked if he was eating enough by strangers when (if) he went out in public. The bright shade of purple that sat in tufts atop his head was really the only thing of interest about him. So bright and yet he could still manage to blend into the background so easily. Without it, would he even be there at all?

And then there was Roman. Lovely, sweet, gorgeous kind Roman. Roman who with a second of eye contact could make you feel like the only person in the world. Frame sculpted as if he had been plucked straight from a comic book. Unnaturally naturally white teeth and eyes that actually sparkled and a jawline that could cut through diamond Roman. Men and woman alike actually swooned if he simply smiled in their direction, the way that they did when Brad had entered the bar. Roman, who felt to Virgil as if a piece of sunshine itself had been moulded into a perfectly handsome, perfectly chivalrous, perfectly perfect boy.

Slowly, Virgil found his way out of the warm water of the shower, into a fluffy white towel and then a spare pair of tracksuit pants and a t-shirt Roman had so kindly left on the bathroom counter for him. He had mostly got his physical bearings back as he unlocked and pushed opened the door and found his way to a comfortable position perched in Roman’s bed, however, his head was most definitely still reeling.

He could feel Roman watching him from the swivelly chair that sat next to his desk. He was scribbling something in one of his many notebooks, a clear look of concern on his face. “You feeling better buddy?”. he asks softly. A half-hearted glance vaguely in his direction but no real response. “Virge?” A slight nod and a humming sound was all he could manage, not even able to meet Romans concerned gaze, even from underneath the protection of damp bangs.

Even though Virgil was only himself, Roman was still like this. So worried, concerned, caring, kind, whatever it was, everything he was. He was all of that and more and here he was, making sure Virgil was okay just for the sake of it

. He deserves so much more. Virgil’s mind wandered further into the thoughts as he drifted off. He deserves everything. Why would he choose me over Thor? Why would he want me over anyone? He could do so much better than me.

#prinxiety #writing #Roman #Roman Sanders #Virgil #Virgil Sanders #stage fright #thor #sander sides #idk what else to put here you get the idea

4 notes · View notes