#bc they can at least try to relate to the trans part of my experience

[spacelazarwolf]

sometimes when talking to cis white women i’m just like. completely floored by what a warped perception of privilege and oppression they have. i was talking to a white cis woman i’d just met, right after the emergency order went public in missouri restricting gender affirming care for trans missourians of all ages, and we were just casually talking about clothes. i mentioned that i often have a hard time finding men’s clothes that fit, and she responded “well at least you have the privilege of pockets now.” i laughed, thinking she was joking, but instead she doubled down and insisted that having larger pockets in my pants was a legitimate societal privilege because it meant i didn't have to spend money on purses. and again, this was after the missouri attorney general had pushed through emergency legislation targeting trans missourians, legislation that will absolutely kill trans people.

i've also had cis white women tell me i'm privileged because apparently they thought that as a trans man all i'd have to do to get sterilized is just say 'pretty please' and any doctor would immediately approve a hysterectomy. they told me that "cis women have to fight for the right to have sterilization surgery, but trans men don't because it'll just get covered under gender affirming care." which is just so absolutely fucking wild on so many levels. 1. trans men do regularly have to fight for the right to get sterilized, and our fertility is frequently used as an excuse not to provide us any sort of gender affirming care at all. it's one of the most common arguments republicans all over the country have been using in order to ban gender affirming care. 2. it's incredibly common for sterilization to be pushed onto people of color and disabled people, and even some trans people.

and idk i feel like that very much contributes to this attitude among cis queer women that trans men just have it so easy, because their perception of oppression is based entirely in their experience as a cis white woman, so if someone doesn't experience oppression exactly like they do then clearly they're not experiencing Real Oppression. idk it's just wild.

#atm #and like i've had convos like this w white trans women before as well #but they generally go a bit differently #bc they can at least try to relate to the trans part of my experience #but that's a separate post that i don't feel like getting death threats over rn

[spicyraeman]

Well interacting with you makes my week too! **aggressive friendly fist bump**

I hope your holidays are going well 😁

Wolfheart is ending me. Can I pet that dawg? CAN I PET THAT DAWG? (https://vt.tiktok.com/ZGeN9U7kG/)

I love seeing the hairy SH art! PCOS / trans / wolf girlie, I stan all versions I see. We're not cowards here! The new band drawings are fire, still making my heartrate go jglcbxlw. And seeing the growth? Honestly it's magic to me, I think it's perfect then it becomes even more perfect and I'm just how?? How possible?

Veteran'zel, Baby'zel, Beam'zel, Horny'zel, Rat'zel, all I do is love'zel! The cheetah/dog doodle + wet rat'zel made me hiccup from laughter, we were blessed.

Buddy, Karlach's got her tail docked like the gith children, that's why! See, problem fixed **insert Flex Tape meme**

Also for Lae'zel's accent : yes, she would have such a harsh accent! As a foreign speaker, the pronunciation isn't always intuitive and is sometimes paradoxal. She probably never used some sounds, and it's hard to guess a lot of them. It's so inconsistent. I lack air in the middle of my sentences because of the tonal accentuations differences. Languages are crazy man. Lae'zel would have a stroke, struggling to say "library" with Gale correcting her.

I've been upgraded to bestie? Careful, I feel like the most specialest goblin in town now 😎

I also wanted to share with you my recent victory : I passed my exams with unexpectedly high grades! It's been 10 years since I succeeded in anything school related, I feel strangely proud and hopeful. I attribute this partly to the intense hyperfixation for BG3. I can come back to this fandom and get comfort when I feel burned out and in need of motivation. Thank you for being part of it and sharing your blorbos with us. Good soup for our cold starving souls. So yeah, you and your art matter even if you find it bleh sometimes and you doubt yourself.

I wanted to be brief but I'm incapable of shortening shit even if my life depended on it. Violently dumping my brain in your ask like I'm late on garbage collecting day. Sorry not sorry for the awkward emotional stuff. Take care of yourself, bestie ✌️

🫀🚑

Sry for answering these “backwards”, I just needed to get the conlang stuff out first before all my good braincells shut down lol

hope the holidays are going well on your end as well :]

To pet a werewolf truly is the dream isn’t it, wereshart is prob my fav hc for her it just fits so well. I've been trying really hard lately to figure out how to draw her recently bc despite the art disparity her and lae’zel are neck in neck at being my fav characters. Seeing the growth in the bass drawing really gave me that boost of confidence that I'm at least slightly getting there lol

I truly do love Lae’zel in every form, but wet rat’zel rotates in my mind more than it should, sadly its not a hc I could ever commit to considering I can’t even remember Karlach’s canon tail lmaoo I really should just hc that karlach got her tail docked at this point, that or I need to make a checklist for her so I can go through and make sure ive got all her bits when I draw her

Also Ive already posted my big rambling mess about Gith accents but yeah harsh accent lae'zel best lae'zel, it just makes sense

But yoooo big gratz on the exams! Def something to be proud of!! I can agree this fandom really is a huge motivator, I haven’t had this much drive to do anything I've been doing recently in years. Glad I could help provide a lil comfort spot full of blorbo soup for the soul lol

Dw about shortening shit as you’ve prob seen i’m prone to rambling and also every emotion I experience is awkward so that's just par for the course here.

Hope life treats you well till the next ask, peace ✌️

#asks #again sry for answering backward #I just got sucked back into the conlang fixation

[tdicksupreme]

a lot of trans women are in an impossible position in ways i can relate to. You've been barred from knowing anything about womanhood re: misogyny, a lot of other trans girls don't wanna fw you bc you're new at all this & they've had to become Professionals At Being Women just to survive, & any learning you try to do about being a girl comes off as "making women do emotional labor."

if your deepest desire is to simply be female, other queer people are judging you for "assimilating" or "fitting in," if you manage to be pretty or beautiful people assume you secretly hate them, if you aren't then they treat you like you ontologically don't have a brain or matter.

& if you're seen as ugly in any way then people treat you like any accomplishment you manage is one that should have gone to them. there's a very hierarchical jealousy people have when they think they're better than you in some way (skinnier, prettier, better at being male/female, more white, & so on) but you excel at something they don't; they see their social clout as something they've worked to earn (and in some sense, they have, at least for some of them).

but it also means anything you do is something that "should have gone to them." when you're the wrong type of female, you're treated as very instrumental to people, & it's exactly because of the hierarchical nature of people's ego in this way. their self-esteem is tied up in not being like you, at least in a certain way, even if they like you as a person ("hate the sin, love the sinner" type way), & deep down they think they deserve for people to like them & don't see you that way.

the worst part is when you absorb & internalize this base assumption that your internal experience doesn't exist at all. Part of why i still run what might be considered a 'transandrophobia blog' is because in my twenties i have had my existential voice stolen from me in a very profound way, & i know it's the result of not just transphobia and sexism, but the two intersecting in a specific way, one that combined with class & disability to render me deeply socially non-human. i want to not just recover my status as person in the eyes of society, i want to understand what happened to me and why, and develop deeper compassion & practical solidarity with other types of people similarly labeled socially non-human. i worry that self-identified activists and leftists often do not have the practical skills to have a casual conversation with people, people different from them, sometimes people who view them as an oppressor figure and are wary-verging-on-angry at them, any solidarity or social change involves forging through a lot of extremely deep unknowns, & not always a lot of feelings of goodness and moral righteousness while the crowd applauds at how good your morals are.

[menalez]

I'm a detransitioner. I grew up in a conservative, homophobic environment with unsupervised internet access. After finding tumblr as a child, trans adults online convinced me that I was trans because I liked girls and I liked dressing like a boy.

My family cornered me one summer after I had become severely depressed, and I admitted I was trans. I was taken to a doctor, and he advocated for my transition at 13 years old. For about two years, I was on hormones. I lived my adolescence appearing as a straight teenage boy. Something wasn't quite right, though, but back then, I couldn't figure out what. Transitioning didn't solve how unhappy I was. I detransitioned, and it was one of the worst, most humiliating experiences of my life. The local trans community ostracized me, attacked me, literally all the things people talk about when they're leaving a cult. They wanted my head on a pike. The trans people I was once friends with ruined nearly every friendship I had. I suddenly had no one, and my family thought I was finally going to be a good, straight girl. I figured I might as well try to be good, somehow.

So, right after I stopped transitioning, I made a new transition. I tried to be a feminine woman for the first time in my life and even tried dating men. I had no gay community anymore. I cannot stress to you how fucking lonely I was. I would get drunk or high to simply tolerate sex with men. Every time I had a homosexual thought, I would punish myself by having sex with men, telling myself that my lesbian fantasies and revulsion to men were something to be conquered.

I ended up in an abusive relationship with a man. He even got me pregnant. Thank God I miscarried. I left him and months later, I realized all this time, I had just been a lesbian.

I will never know what I would look like, be like, sound like, had I not taken hormones as a child. I don't know if my reproductive system will ever recover from hormones and male violence. I will never know the peace of never having been with a man. I will always be haunted by what I have been through because the world hates lesbians. I've been through hell because I'm a lesbian. And I'm here, anonymously venting to you about it because I feel like there is no safe place to tell my story.

thats horrible... im so sorry u were isolated like this, from being in a homophobic environment that made you feel like you had to be a boy to like girls, to being ostracised when u realised u didnt even want to be a boy, to being pushed to pretend like u men bc of ur homophobic family. i can relate to some parts of it and im glad to hear that at least u got urself out and that u survived, i hope at least you can accept yourself as you are. there's no way to undo the past but at least you have your present & your future

#anonymous

[iamfabiloz]

I love and heavily relate to Nightheart because of how much he reminds me of how I used to be from like 14-16. I genuinely do not think that I have ever found a fictional character to be more relatable before, for better or worse! A lot of this may be from the fact that I heavily relate towards his identity + name change issues (I am FTM trans so I’ve been through similar) and in my perspective I really do believe that he’ll come to realize later in the arc that part of his issues are his OWN fault - he’s pushed everyone away and then wallows in his own self-pity, not realizing that he’s gotten himself into this in the first place. He keeps taking out his insecurities onto others, believing that the world is out to get him - IE thinking Squirrelflight, Flipclaw, Thriftear, Finleap, Brightheart, etc are all purposely trying to hurt him when they’re… clearly not. He even gets defensive when Sunbeam calls him by his old name without possibly having known any better. Although I do think that Sparkpelt’s actions at the beginning of Sky in particular are pretty questionable… very guilt-trippy and manipulative, I guess? But other than that and Myrtlebloom’s off-handed snarky comment, nobody is really attempting to target him at all. They don’t understand WHY he wants to carve out his own identity within the clan, and he’s too insecure about it to actually explain the situation to his clanmates in a reasonable manner. He thinks that he has a deeper kinship with Bramblestar due to their similar identity struggles and such, but all Bramblestar does with this trust is use it to get back at his wife for some petty reason - which is quite sad, really. I genuinely believe that the point of Nightheart’s character is to start out highly insecure, rash, and defensive as he’s figuring himself out on the inside, and will develop into a much better person once he’s done so and can learn to be happy within his own skin. In this case, I actually would have to say that I think some of the transgender undertones were intentional on the writing teams’ part - obviously we won’t get an openly transgender character in the series, but I do feel like there are some underlying themes in Nightheart’s story that definitely parallel transgender peoples’ experiences a bit too much to be a coincidence. Maybe this is a bit of my own bias speaking here, but he reads as very much transmasc / FTM to me personally. I don’t think any of this justifies his behavior / the rashness of his actions, of course, but I think that’s the point. He’ll (hopefully) be able to carve out his own identity and life in ShadowClan without constantly feeling as if he’s in Firestar’s shadow, and he’ll learn and grown because of it. At least, that’s my interpretation of how things are most likely to play out - and how I HOPE it plays out, because that would send a really good message to the audience out there. It took me way too long within my own life to realize that it was me pushing everyone around me away and not the other way around, so I would hope that these books can help show people that they’re not always in the right, even if it might feel that way in the given time - and that it’s okay to recognize that fact and learn from it. Sorry for the rambling, I just really wanted to share my perspective on this!

Ooo this is a really interesting take, n ur opinion is totally valid!! And tbh I agree w u about relating to Night, bc i see some of my worst traits in him too, especially when I read river for the first time KWJW those feelings kinda faded w this book, w all the weird stuff goin on, but yah I get what u mean. Also yeye im trans too, and I can see some of the stuff ur talking abt n how trans ppl can connect to nights character.

And same I really really hope nightheart has a character arc or smth and the narrative realizes he’s in the wrong and makes him take responsibility and figure out his issues so he can be his own cat n understand where his family and tc clanmates r comin from!! Erins please don’t make us have read nighthearts misery hour chapters for an bummer ending AA the idea for like an unreliable narrator and pov who’s in the wrong is rlly interesting in concept but the way the Erin’s have been executing it is rlly weird n insufferable 2 me oof JWJW Erins please have ONE writer who knows what their doin!!

Was cool to hear ur thoughts about night :0 this makes me reconsider him a little JWJW picks him up by the scruff n shakes him, kitty u would be so much better if anyone else wrote you

#warrior cats #ask #fellidate #asc spoilers #asc #sky spoilers #river #a starless clan #nightheart

[butch-reidentified]

Detrans female lurker here. I wanted to chime in with some thoughts on voice training. I think you’re correct that most ftms don’t really end up with a fully male-passing voice, but I unfortunately did and it used to be a huge insecurity and source of anxiety for me. The idea of training my voice sounded really intimidating at first, but I decided it was worth a try and I’m really glad I did. It took me a few months to get decent results, but now my trained voice sounds almost exactly like my pre-T voice, just a bit raspier. I see a lot of detrans women who feel they’re stuck with a voice they hate and I want to offer some reassurance that this isn’t the case—they can change it if they want to. Voice training can be a pain but it really does work, and it becomes automatic once you’ve been at it long enough.

Unrelated: thank you for being a voice of reason and nuance. Like you, I don’t regret my mastectomy, and when I first started orbiting radfem spaces I was very put off by all the “mutilated and ruined” talk. I find it deeply hypocritical, and I’m glad there are people speaking out against it.

Hi! So happy to meet you! I always felt pressured to hide that my surgery helped me, since it doesn't serve the common agenda of many radfems/gc folks, but one of my most core rules for myself is total honesty. I genuinely take great pride in approaching all things with nuance and caution (my nickname in a certain section of facebook back in the day was Queen of Nuance lmaoo). It makes me really happy to hear that it's noticed and makes a difference for others.

I think being vocal and honest about our positive experiences with surgery could also be a key step in helping to repair relations between radfems and trans folks, since there are many people in both groups (and some people who belong to both!) who aren't on the extreme end and see the potential benefit in building a bridge.

It also helps show genderists that I'm coming from a place of understanding, empathy, honesty, and genuineness, not hatred of trans/dysphoric/gnc people (I am dysphoric and gnc, and it could be argued I am trans in a medical but not ideological sense).

I also, VERY importantly, want this blog to be somewhere other radfems and others questioning gender ideology feel 100% safe to talk to me, ask questions, or express opinions that parts of radblr might react more harshly to. I don't think there's anything wrong with that - women are not required to be patient, educators, etc., and I certainly feel the need to scream and rant and lash out my fair share - but if we want to put the good of all women and girls first, and reach other women/girls and show them there is safety in sisterhood, some of us need to take that patient, nuanced role on sometimes. I find that people go from hateful to open pretty quick once they realize in one-on-one interaction that I'm not some trans-hating bogeyman, just a regular woman who understands dysphoria and wants everyone to be as healthy, happy, and free as possible.

Thanks for the voice training info btw! I definitely believe in the power of voice training. Despite some radfems claiming otherwise, when done right for a prolonged period of time, you can do most anything with vocal training, and it does become your "real voice." I think a lot of radfems who haven't known many MTFs irl think their voices are all fake and that if, say, they talk in their sleep, it would be in a regular deep man's voice. That's not true. Now, my experience is pretty limited to gender critical transsexuals rather than gendies, but I often discuss my mtf best friend on here, who's stayed over at me n my wife's house many times and is a hell of a sleep talker 🤣 At least in her case (and again, I use "she" bc my brain has only ever perceived her as female so it feels dishonest not to, not because she has asked me to or cares in the slightest), I can 100% confirm that the trained voice is permanent and never disappears - I mean it is like working out one muscle group a ton and letting another atrophy, so it makes sense. So it's not like voice training means talking in a fake voice for the rest of your life, which is what a lot of people seem to think.

I'm glad to hear you have no regrets about surgery and are happy as you are :) I'd love to chat more with you and hear your perspectives and opinions!

#mine #ask #radblr #non anon #non anon ask #detrans support #detrans woman #detrans #gender nonconformity #gender nonconforming #voice training #detrans voice #not trans or cis #sex dysphoria

[sketchdeath]

I’m comfortable in my body like I’ve never had gender dysphoria about being born a women. But I don’t really get jealous of other women and sometimes when I’m looking at pictures of men I just feel really sad bc I wish I looked like that. Like I really wish I was born with a dick and masculine features. But also I love my femininity. I guess I never really let myself think about my gender so now idk what the fuck is going on.

well. im not really sure what you wanted me to say in response to this ask, but i can try and give some advice.

trans experience is different for everyone. not everyone (and truly, most do not) fit along the neat lines of what is supposed to be a trans childhood/teenhood/internal knowledge/timeline/etc. i do and dont fit some of those. i always "knew." but at the same time i was always very much a little queen. (and i still am!) and i transitioned into an ~effeminate man~ (that's an option!)

gender dysphoria doesn't always manifest itself in bodily discomfort. in the beginning stages of my coming out process, a large part of my gender dysphoria was grief, longing, and homesickness for the life i was "supposed to" be living. of course, there were bodily things as well... (a lot of which i don't feel comfortable talking about it publically.) but body isn't all there is, not for everyone at least. and, importantly, gender dysphoria is not hating your body. in my experience... it's a lot more innate. instinctual. like a phantom limb (sometimes literally lol) you don't have to have a set bullet checklist of things you do/feel to be trans. it just is what it is.

i wanted to share my personal experiences to give you a wider picture of what trans people experience, of course, i have a biased opinion because i only know what i know/have experienced. i know what wishing to be born with a dick/masculine features feels like, so... of course im going to want to say i relate to you in *that way,* but…that still doesn't mean anything for you.

…for my REAL real advice, and maybe this isnt what you wanted to hear: but only you know what you are. no one can tell you otherwise how you "really" feel. there is no (in my worldview) higher power or universe controlling the narrative of your life. no path leading you to an ultimate happiness destiny. you are at the steering wheel of your own life. (repeat that last sentence like 10 times in your own head.) if you are looking for permission, you already have it. you have that power, and more power than you know. you are allowed to be whatever you think will be best for yourself long-term. (or short-term. or whatever. its your life.) if you want to be a guy, be a guy. try thinking about yourself as both, or neither, or "sometimes" for a while. its okay to say nah, im a chick whos more masc than i allowed myself to be before. think about misogyny, transphobia, homophobia, and all that. seek out a varied amount of experiences. throw some spaghetti at the wall. it's okay to think long and hard about these things. you're literally switching around the entire idea you have about yourself in your head and all by yourself, its a difficult thing. it takes time, there's no rush.

if you have any big takeaways from reading this just know that you, and only you, have the power to drive your own life trajectory and that you, and only you, have the power of knowing who you are. even if no one in the whole wide world knows but you. and no one else has the power to tell you otherwise.

this is just my personal philosophy/spiritually (or i guess, lack of.)

#ask

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

re:your post about the she/her-ing of enstars characters! i just wanted to provide A Perspective on it. i recognize this probably isn't everyone's perspective and i don't want to claim to speak for everyone but i figured providing a perspective could maybe be helpful in some way and i do like thinking about fandom behaviours critically yknow! (and ig disclaimer ahead of time that i always use she/her for arashi, she's the exception to whatever i'll say below bc canon transfem character)

for me at least i tend to refer to characters with she/her if they're ones i specifically headcanon as transfem/mainly using she/her pronouns or if it's specifically requested by op of an art/etc and i'm reblogging it and adding commentary in the tags. for me the regulars are ibara/mayoi/sometimes hokuto or tomoya or hiyori, with veeery occasional one-offs of other characters . which is a fairly small group of characters in the grand scheme of things! but if everyone in the tag was doing that for the small group of characters they personally have those headcanons for, then eventually at some point it'll go around to every member of the cast. that might be part of why it seems to be oversaturating the tag; there's a lot of unique people here on enstarsblr with their own unique interpretations of the characters' genders.

another thing i think is worth pointing out is that since the characters for the most part in canon are cis men, it's not going to be as visibly obvious when someone headcanons a character as transmasc, since for the most part a transmasc version of an existing enstars character will be referred to similarly as they would be in canon. unless op specifically states it, there's no way of knowing if the he/him they're using to refer to an enstars character is meant in an adhering-to-canon cis way or an i-hc-this-character-transmasc way. i personally headcanon every iteration of nazuna, natsume, or jun that i talk about as transmasc, but that's not going to be as visibly obvious as my ibara/mayoi/etc. headcanons because there isn't a difference in pronouns between canon and the headcanoned version of them that exists in my head.

additionally, i'm asian - which has a big effect on how i personally approach trans enstars hcs, because my view on gender + the social structures informing it is directly informed by my lived experience as a trans asian person. i've personally lived through a LOT of microaggressive feminization sourced from the general feminization of the 'East' and asian people and bc of that (+ my general interest in studying gender + related expression as a social construct) i can say that i, at least, am critical of those potential sources of headcanons because of my personal experience and awareness of them. i can't guarantee this for every enstarsblr blogger obviously but idk. you can't know a person's entire lived experience and why they have the headcanons they do just by seeing them use she/her for a character consistently. i do think that you're bringing up a good point in that asian men - and in particular the specific kind of 'soft' masculinity that asian idols generally try to achieve - are overly feminized by the west, and it's definitely a good thing to keep in mind when making these hcs, but i also think it might be less of a source of these headcanons than we might think. nevertheless i will always encourage ppl to be critical of their own thought processes and think about why they make the headcanons they do!

i hope this uh. i dont know if this will help at all it got a bit long and rambly but i hope the perspective i brought could at least add something to the conversation!

hiya, thank you for writing this thoughtful reply! i was hoping for someone to provide some perspective when i wrote that post so i’m glad i got a reply, especially one as long as detailed as yours.

you bring up a very important point that we can't know a person's lived experiences and why they chose to use certain pronouns for a character just from their posts. it definitely would be bonkers to expect people to explain themselves every time they use not-usual pronouns for a character, or to expect them to add disclaimers that they are thinking critically.

(putting everything else under read more bc this made me think a lot. basically lots of thoughts about what it means to engage in fandom with a lot of conflicting interpretations of the work, especially with respect to gender)

---

i’m sort of thinking out loud here but like. i think it's a. very strange conundrum we face regarding gender in fandom. irl i usually use the principle of "we should just use whatever pronoun the person uses for themself". i’m a huge supporter of prioritising that individual above others who might be uncomfortable using a certain pronoun for a person they coded a different way.

i instinctively use this principle when engaging with fiction too, but. "use whatever pronoun the person themself uses" does not necessarily work in fandom because the characters themselves aren't real; they won't feel dysphoria from us assigning them genders or misgendering them. 

i think we should prioritise readers' experiences. but sometimes that reader experience involves headcanons and certain degrees of projection that makes interpretations diverge quite a bit. i'm not saying that projecting on characters is wrong, it’s quite the opposite; i know it can have very transformative and constructive impact on how the reader thinks about things and i 10/10 support it.

but it’s like. which interpretation do you privilege? can they even coexist? it’s not the same as more inane headcanons like “nazuna always cooks fried rice for others bc it’s the only thing he can actually cook”. (this is wrong, by the way. source: Trust Me [this is a joke, i’ve never actually given nazuna’s cooking skills much thought, despite being tumblr user nazuna-tunnel-vision. i don’t actually have thoughts about this. he does cook fried rice for ra*bits on multiple occasions though and they all love it. sorry for the sudden nazuna fun fact intermission. i couldn't help it])

gender headcanons inadvertently become a lot more personal and political. i can just ignore or skim over whichever fic or post that incorrectly talks about nazuna being terrible at cooking and still enjoy other nazuna-centric posts by that person. but i can’t really do the same for posts with differing interpretations of gender bc i’ll be reading normally and then get smacked out of the immersion with “???! the pronoun??”

i'm a little. sad and miffed about this because i think people who assign non-usual genders to characters tend to be very enthusiastic about these characters. i sure would love to read what they have to say and to bask in that energy, but i truly do not enjoy the physical sensation of being metaphorically hit in the face every time i come across a pronoun i did not expect to be used for that character.

---

and i know that this reply has already gotten plenty long but i’m also starting to wonder how much of me preferring people to stick to the pronouns that i’m used to comes from a place of privilege or conservativeness. there is my concern about people needlessly feminizing men who aren’t Buff Hollywood Male Men, but also the majority of my reply so far has basically just been “man i would prefer if people just stuck to my interpretation of gender where i can see it :/”. it reminds me a lot of straight pride and the protection of prevailing gender norms - you know, when people are homophobic and transphobic not necessarily because they’re evil and want to actively want to repress people, but because they’re personally uncomfortable with it. they just don’t want to see it and be made uncomfortable. the whole political stance of, “i don’t care if people want gay sex - they can do their own thing, it’s none of my business. but i do NOT want them to demand marriage equality where the rest of us can see it”. because marriage & the law is in the public sphere and isn’t easily blocked out. obviously these things are not of the same severity because we’re talking about headcanons about fictional characters here, but you get the idea. 

in hindsight i do wonder if my previous post should be archived because it does sort of send the message that it’d be nice if people change the pronouns they use for everyone-sans-arashi in the public enstars tag. like yeah it would be nice for my personal fandom experience, but i don’t want people in the tag to feel like they have to censor their words to make others in the fandom comfortable - especially if their gender headcanons for characters help them to explore their own conceptions of gender. or if it just makes their engagement with the story more fun. you guys have my full support even if the she/her-ing of enstars makes me instinctively flinch and bang my knee on the table every time i come across it. i will grit my teeth - or find some way to mute or block you guys if it really comes down to it - but never change!!

---

the topic of the privilege of comfort & the fact that i flinch at the she/her-ing mostly because of how it conflicts with my own interpretation of the characters also makes me wonder - is it the same for you when you come across people using he/him for characters that you identify as using she/her? since from your perspective, we are misgendering them.

my current guess is that it’s a little different because he/him is generally the more popular & mainstream interpretation. so you might be more aware of and prepared for he/him misgendering. or you’re simply more accepting of different gender interpretations because that was already your starting point to begin with. it probably doesn’t hit you out of the left field like it always does for me. i think! i dunno.

or maybe the characters’ gender identities are like little secrets between you and the character. so looking at people who misgender them might instead make you go, “haha look at this idiot who doesn’t know”. (i’m not sure if it’s appropriate to bring this up in a discussion that unexpectedly became pretty serious, but i think that’s a fun way of engaging with fiction and fandom.)

if there is a difference in the way we react to gender interpretations different from our own, i think it might reflect, to an extent, the way people irl deal with queerness and the whole sentiment about how being queer is valid, but somehow not valid enough to be seen in public (like at gay pride) or in the public sphere (like in laws). again, how we address fictional characters really doesn’t have the same gravity or consequence, but i think the sentiments behind it might be similar.

(another possible explaination is that i unfortunately need to touch grass because i'm taking headcanons and fictional characters' genders too seriously. can't cross that out!)

you don’t have to answer this though; it’s already more than enough that you took the time to reply to my initial post with my perspective! your reply really made me think a lot. thank you <3

#asks #ok just in case anon gives up halfway through reading the reply. you don't have to read it or to reply #it already means a lot that you took the time to reply with your perspective! it made me think a lot.

[intergalactic-chameleon]

rambling train of thought

oddly vulnerable for me 2 admit but i admire transmasc ppl a lot and think they r cool and wanna be their friend. transfemmes too. just trans ppl in general i fucking guess lmfao. but transmascs in particular bc i really admire the particular way that they practice / express masculinity

on a related note, this is why i know im somewhere on the trans spectrum bc i admire trans ppl too much to not be one myself, yknow. still frustrating tho bc i feel like everyone sees me as a cis girl and i just wanna be like Hey Um ACTUALLY I Have A Rich Inner Life… I’ll Have You Know… just bc im a girl doesnt mean that’s all i am, i dont relate to a lot things typically prescribed to women, im super duper queer, etc etc

also lots weird back and forth in my head between identifying as a woman purposefully but also on a variation of technicalities. and also wanting to look like a boy, but a very Specific vision of one that i have in my head, and also lacking the want or need to “pass.” very confusing to say the least.

i got a binder recently and i remember thinking to myself “am i getting anything out of this.” part of that definitely has to do with the style of binder i got, which doesnt do that much when u got big tits like i do (i need to get a tank binder sometime). but ive been trying to understand how i feel about my chest, and my body at large. basically, i dont hate my body. i dont. i dont even rly experience gender dysphoria atp. often, i even love my body. it’s attractive. but my body makes me feel frustrated because i feel like i only have so much control over what it looks like. esp bc i dont rly want breast reduction/removal or hormones. i see an attractive man/masc and experience a mixture of reactions. attraction. lust. jealousy. a tinge of sadness. agitation.

again, i really dont hate my body. i just wish i could do more with its silhouette and shape it to my liking with ease. im rly short (4’10”), have big boobs, small frame, curvy figure, long hair… all these things i enjoy or at least am okay with, but put em all together and that’s all anyone can ever see: a woman. and being a woman is cool, and i identify with it. but no matter what it never feels like enough for me. i break out of that box as much as i can because i cant stand being so limited. like if i can so easily be a woman, why cant i so easily be a man (so to speak)? i most aspire to be a fag, tbqh. in my own way that is.

idk if any of this made sense lol

#personal #gender #thinking thoughts #rambles

[army-of-mai-lovers]

in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough. 

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.” 

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!” 

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role. 

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all. 

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.” 

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.” 

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka  repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--   

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~” 

y’all WHAT. 

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back. 

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai. 

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too. 

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!” 

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse. 

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.) 

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal  adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out. 

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)  

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”  

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show. 

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.” 

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process. 

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring. 

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what? 

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her. 

Conclusion    

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked. 

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here. 

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice. 

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us. 

#fandom crit #longpost #like seriously long post strap in #misogyny #death tw #murder tw #abuse cw #sexualization of minors #ableism #racism #fandom racism #zukka crit #swearing tw #suki #yue #katara #ty lee #mai #toph #azula

[whatdoyouwanttobecalled-1]

I've been seeing a lot of posts about this all over social media, and while the majority of them are fine and just people expressing their opinions, a lot of people from both sides of the argument have been saying some really inexcusable stuff (such as telling people on the opposing side to off themselves, etc) and it's really pissing me off. Pls everyone idc if you agree w me or not but at least try to be mature and respectful when engaging in these conversations bc the goal is learning, understanding, tolerance, and cooperation (working together to find solutions to problems that will benefit all of us). So here's my stance on the issue, and feel free to reply, ask questions, or dm me and start a conversation regardless of your veiws. Just be nice! Here's my opinions, based off my own personal experience:

To start off: pansexuality is not inherently biphobic and/or transphobic

Yes, there are pansexuals who are biphobic, and yes they harm the transgender community in that sense. This is because generally pansexuals who are biphobic say they bisexuals are transphobic and essentially invalidate binary trans people's identity as a man or woman by saying that bisexuals are only attracted to cis men and cis women, not trans people. However, the majority of pansexual people do not think this way. Personally (and most of the pansexuals as talked to agree w me), I do not believe that bisexuality is transphobic. Why? Trans women are women, and trans men are men. If you will not date a trans person simply bc they are trans, then you're transphobic, but that has absolutely nothing to do w your sexuality. My own and most people's understanding of bisexuality (and the definition you get if you Google it, and the definition that most bisexuals will give you), is that bisexuality means attraction to 2 or more genders (which yes, could mean all), with a preference. With. A. Preference. I identified as bi to myself for years, and came out as bi for almost a year, never feeling as if the label fully fit me or that I was fully understood by the community bc there is always sm emphasis on the fact that bisexuals have a preference, while I never have. I don't think anyone is less than anyone else for having a preference, or better than anyone else for not having a preference. Pansexuality simply allows me to be apart of a smaller more specific community that fully understands my experience w attraction. I also know that bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term for anyone attracted to 2+ genders, but in the same way that it's not biphobic for lesbians to prefer to date other lesbians bc of their shared experience, I like having a smaller community that specifically experiences attraction in the same way that I do. I've also seen a lot of people talking about how people seem to think that bisexuals only care about sex, and that pansexuals think theyre better bc they're uwu innocent babies. I'm not entirely sure I'm not on the ace spectrum somewhere but lemme tell you that does not make me any less of a whore. No one is better than anyone else for how much or little they think about or enjoy sex.

2nd; bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.

Yes, there are bisexuals who are transphobic, but this is not the majority of the community. Most bi people consider trans women to be real women (which they are) and trans men to be real men (which they are). I will say it again; if you won't date someone just bc they're trans, you are transphobic, but that has nothing to do w your sexuality. As for non binary people, yes, bisexuality includes them too. Bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.

3rd; all mspec labels are fucking valid.

Whether you identify as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or polysexual, you are valid. You can use bisexuality as an umbrella term if that's what you're most comfortable w, or if the definition perfectly describes your relationship w attraction then that's cool too. If you feel that pansexuality, omnisexuality, or polysexuality better describes you and you enjoy having a smaller more specific community to fully relate to, guess what, that's also cool. No one is better than anyone else, and while there are members of every community who feel that they are, they do not represent everyone.

4th; panphobia/omniphobia/polyphobia only comes from the mspec community, if it comes from outside, it's probably biphobia

Let me explain; there is no problem that comes from people who are not attracted to multiple genders that everyone on this spectrum doesn't face. Bisexuality is a spectrum that we all fall on, an umbrella term that we all fit under. This means that unless it's coming from a person or group on this spectrum, it's probably biphobia you're facing. There are 2 types of biphobia: the biphobia that comes from mspecs, and the biphobia that comes from people who aren't on the spectrum of bisexuality. The biphobia that comes from inside is only against people who identify as bisexual, and the biphobia that comes from outside is against anyone who is attracted to multiple genders. I'm not saying there aren't a few instances of people who arent mspec targeting a specific group and not every mspec identity, but most of the time, if it's from the outside, it's classified as biphobia, bc that includes all of us.

In conclusion, this is what the mspec sexualities are and some of my final thoughts;

Bisexuality = attraction to 2+ genders with or without a preference. It can be used as an umbrella term by the whole mspec community, or as a specific label on it's own. It includes trans and non binary people, and is not a transphobic label. There are transphobic bisexuals, but the fact that they are transphobic and the fact that they are bisexual are not related in any way. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity, or sexuality in general.

Pansexuality = attraction to all genders without a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic pansexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their pansexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as pansexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Omnisexuality = attraction to all genders w a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic omnisexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their omnisexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as omnisexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Polysexuality = attraction to more than 2, but not all genders. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic polysexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their polysexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as polysexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.

Honestly, I think we all get enough hate from inside and outside the lgbtqia+ community and we need to stick together and have each others backs. It's not the microlabels that are causing problems, it's the exclusionists. Invalidating eo's experiences and saying that biphobia is a bigger problem, panphobia is a bigger problem, omniphobia is a bigger problem, or polyphobia is a bigger problem, isn't gonna help anyone or solve anything. We can have slightly different experiences and still relate and support eo. Also, even if you have a problem w a specific label, pls just ask your questions genuinely, and try to understand the opposing side. Just have a mature conversation. If you're too young or immature to do that then you probably shouldn't be on social media. Calling eo names and telling eo to off ourselves isn't helping anything and there is no excuse for it. I've always loved the lgbtqia+ community for it's love and acceptance, but the more active I become within the community itself, the more I realise how toxic it can be. Sometimes I'm genuinely embarrassed to part of this community. Especially when it's grown adults acting like children that is causing the problems. Pls do better. Thank you for your time, thank you for reading, I love you, have a nice day!!!

Also I just want to add that ik there are more mspec identities than this, and you're all so valid. These are just the sexualities that ik enough about to give a proper statement on and the ones I've seen mentioned in this discourse the most. I'm actively trying to learn more about the mspec identities I mentioned, and those that I didn't. Pls feel free to give me any info on any sexuality (doesn't even have to be mspec I just want to learn more so I can be good ally for everyone), or ask me any questions about my own sexuality, and pls let me know if there is anything I should add or any misinformation in this post (I will not be including blatant blankphobia against any mspec identity so don't even try it bitches)

#mspec #bi/pan solidarity #pan positivity #pan pride #pansexuality #bisexuality #polysexuality #biromantic #omniromantic #polyromantic #pansexual #bisexual #omnisexual #polysexual #biphobes fuck off #biphopia #biphobic #fuck panphobes #panphobic #panphobia #omnisexuality #omniphobia #omniphobic #polyphobia #polyphonic #fuck off #grow up #anti pan #pan discourse #panromantic

[exchangestudentmicha]

The Brothers with a Transmasc S/O

Transmasc MC

Warnings: talks about gender dysphoria, suggestive bits in Asmo’s part, I can’t write for shit

Everyone’s dysphoria is different, and some people don’t have dysphoria. That doesn’t make you any less valid.

This is partially inspired by my experiences with dysphoria and how I deal with it. So if its different for you, sorry about that I only really know about my experiences since I’m basically the only trans person I know.

(A lot of this is absolutely just pure self indulgence)

Also, what a perfect way to start pride month

Lucifer

Face it, its Lucifer, he already knew

And he’s ready to make sure that you’re comfortable during the entirety of you stay in the Devildom

Binders? Packers? Trans Tape? Voice training? Anything to make you feel more comfortable

Man could probably hook you up with some T to be honest

If anyone tries to misgender or deadname you, well… It was nice knowing them

Will gladly help you through your dysphoric episodes when they come around

Chest dysphoria? He’ll get your binder and give you his coat. Hair dysphoria? He’ll help you tuck it into a hat. Voice dysphoria? You can text him to speak, you don’t have to say anything for now.

Mammon

“You’re what now?” *cue MC giving him an annoyed look* “What?”

You’re gonna have to explain what being trans is to this idiot

But once you do he will unsurprisingly get even more protective over you

Will gladly throw hands with anyone that tries to be discriminatory against you, anywhere, anytime

In fact, his tsundere tendencies will get even wilder as he constantly flips between trying to come off as cool and uncaring, and being ready to protect or comfort you at a moments notice

Man is prepared to comfort you or help distract you from any dysphoria that comes around, immediately forgets about whatever nonexistent ‘cred’ he has to keep, tsundere mode is out the window for now. The only thing that matters is you

Need a distraction? Boom, movie night with your favorite snacks. Not feeling masculine enough? What are you talking about, you’re the most handsome man he’s ever met. You want cuddles to feel better? You won’t be leaving his arms the entire night.

Levi

He does his cute little scream, we all know it

“WHOAAAAAAAA! You’re just like this character from ‘I’m a magical boy, but I have to pretend that I’m not to keep my villain family from attacking me’!”

Will try to find every anime, manga, and video game with trans characters out there so you can have characters to relate to

Part 2 of ‘will throw hands with anyone that tries to hurt you’

Along with shouting every swear word he knows (seriously, grab him and cover his mouth or he’ll sound like a typical 12 year old playing COD)

He’ll probably be the first to figure out that you’re having a bad dysphoria day, because let’s be real, this man waits everyday for the time when you come to his room to hang out

And when you don’t show up, he kinda blows up your phone a bit before going to your room himself

The MASTER of distraction

I mean hell, with how many games, anime series, manga, and TSL he has, you could stay in his room for a literal month and still have things to do (He probably also has the snack and ramen rations to the point of where you didn’t have to leave the room at all too)

He may not be the best influence for getting out being a functional person, he’ll at least be good at distracting you from dysphoria and helping you cope with it              

Satan

Will immediately read any book he can find about being trans and how to help and support people who are trans

Might accidentally ignore you bc he’s nose deep in books trying to figure out how to be the best boyfriend he could be

Just talk to him about it and he’ll immediately stop and explain what’s going on (poor boi feels so guilty)

Man will not just throw hands with whoever tries to hurt you, he will kill

Will gladly read to you when you’re dysphoric as a distraction from it or show you the kitten he just snuck in just don’t tell Lucifer

He will also make sure that you’re taking care of yourself when doing things like binding

“How long have you had that binder on?” *uncertain MC noises* “Take it off before you hurt yourself, I’ll get you some water to drink as well. It’s good to stay hydrated while you’re binding.”

Asmo

Immediately plans a shopping trip as soon as you tell him

“We need to get you some proper masculine clothes, those oversized shirts and hoodies may make you look flatter, but they also make you look a bit like a child.” (He’s usually brutally honest when it comes to fashion but he’s trying to be nice) “I just want to help you pick out some clothes that make you look like the handsome man you are~”

Will give you every tip he knows about how to look more masculine

Won’t exactly throw hands with anyone who tries to discriminate against you, but will gladly destroy their social life in an instant

Will gladly show you his strap on collection for when you get into sexy times no don’t ask why he has so many, you may not want to know in some cases

If you’re going through a rough patch of dysphoria, he will give you a massive self care day. Just a whole day of him, you, endless praise, and anything and everything under the sun to help you relax and feel better

Beel

He’s another one that you’ll have to explain being trans to

But once you do, he’ll immediately drop whatever he was eating and pull you into a tight hug and maybe suffocate you with his massive pecs

Will probably look up ways to help you through your transition and support you

If you mention that you want to bulk up a bit to look more masculine, he will do whatever he can to help

This man knows his stuff when it comes to working out and building up certain muscles, he’ll tell you which exercises will help you bulk up and teach you how to do the exercises so you don’t hurt yourself when you do them

He’ll also make sure that you don’t wear your binder while working out, no it doesn’t matter how bad you want to it’s not worth a hospital trip

And if anyone tries to make you uncomfortable while you two are working out, well how about that, Beel’s found his next meal

If you’re feeling dysphoric he’ll bring you every snack that he can find in the house and let you pick your favorites and maybe eat around half of them

Belphie

Let’s be real, he’ll probably say something on the lines of “neat” and then roll over and go back to sleep

Don’t worry, your words got through to him, because once he’s awake, he’s ready to show his full and maybe half asleep support

He’s been around humans the most out of his brothers due to his angel past, so he already understands what you mean

He’ll ask what your preferred name is, pronouns, anything he can think of that would make you more comfortable

That also includes his beloved pillow, yup, if you’re feeling dysphoric he’ll gladly hand over his cow pillow if you want it

Speaking of when you’re dysphoric, if he finds out, he’ll pick you up, take you to the attic, make you into a blanket burrito (with your consent of course), and then cuddle you while telling you reassuring words until you feel better

He will gladly do anything to make you feel better, he’ll even get up from his naps! Without complaining! You are his everything, and he still feels like he owes you ever since the attic incident

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me levi #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me brothers #obey me trans mc #obey me transmasc mc #om! lucifer #om! mammon #om! leviathan #om! satan #om! asmodeus #om! beelzebub #om! belphegor #obey me x reader #obey me x you #obey me x y/n #obey me x mc #obey me luci x reader

[my-darling-boy]

i am non binary and eventually want top surgery. i can't get it yet bc i'm a minor and i can't come out to my parents, but i'm gonna be 18 soon and have a question. if i want to get top surgery, do i need to tell the truth about it? like, do i have to come out and say the true reason behind it, or can i say it's for another reason? and what would be easier in the end? i'm really scared of having to be out like that to get surgery

Sorry for the length of this!

Some trans people give false reasons to their family for wanting top surgery, and this can be the case if you’re using parents’ insurance and don’t want them to know what you’re using it for. The problem with this is that if you don’t cover your tracks with the lie, your family can still find out, especially if you still live with them. While being over 18 (at least in California where I live) prohibits your family from accessing your health info because you are now legally an adult entitled to confidentially, it doesn’t stop them from opening up mail from health insurance or surgeon offices that arrive at the house. While the mail I was sent states my approved procedures were “Bilateral Masectomy” and nipple grafts, it CLEARLY states under the diagnosis section on the front page “female to male” and “Transsexualism”, regarding the diagnosis of gender dysphoria I needed for the surgery. If a parent doesn’t know you’re non-binary and they go digging through your mail, there is always he possibility they may see words related to the surgery being gender related.

For the medical setting, it’s much trickier to do completely in the closet. For top surgery, most places around the world—with some exceptions—require one or more of the following for insurance/medical reasons: a recent written and signed diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a licensed therapist, signed and written proof of hormone replacement therapy for X amount of time from either a physician or endocrinologist, having lived at least 1+ years socially using the name/pronouns you intend to use, or statements from close family members and/or friends that you exhibit dysphoria or that you have been living socially with the name/pronouns you intend to use. Those are the typical ones I’ve seen, but because surgeons/laws/and insurances or medical groups have varying definitions of what grants one permission for the surgery, it can vary wildly from person to person, and what can complicate this further is that insurance and surgeons will have different criteria you need to abide by. Some surgeons are very relaxed and will simply give you the surgery provided they deem you medically fit while your insurance company says you need dysphoria and Hrt for them to cover it. Which brings me to my next point.

A bilateral/double mastectomy is deemed a “cosmetic or non-essential surgery” by most insurances (unless you are a cancer patient, at least in the US) which means insurances don’t like to cover all of the cost. I’ve seen this procedure range from $3,500 all the way to $18,000. The average price is $5,000-$10,000. I don’t remember the cost of my overall surgery, but I know my office consult alone was $1,200. Using my parents’ insurance, I only paid $15 copays. The only way to get my insurance company to cover what could have been a $10,000 surgery was to make them see it was “necessary” and this is why they require the dysphoria diangosis. While I don’t believe you need dysphoria to be trans or have top surgery, unfortunately insurance usually asks for it (“dysphoria” for an insurance company basically tells them you have a mental health issue that is negatively impacting your life and the surgery is needed to correct the dysphoria). With this in mind, it might be near impossible to get coverage for a bilateral masectomy coupled with chest contouring while in the closet to everyone, unless you’ve had a serious medical condition such as cancer since “restoring a breast isn’t considered a cosmetic procedure. It’s reconstructive surgery. Since it’s considered part of the treatment of a disease, the law says insurance providers must provide coverage.” (x) Alternatives would be chest liposuction, however liposuction is still cosmetic and therefore probably not eligible for full, if any, insurance coverage and there are zero ways for chest contouring or nipple resizing.

And which route is easier? In my own opinion, if you’re not comfortable going behind your family’s back or you need their insurance, you might need to tell them the truth, provided you feel in a position to talk about it with your family, and I only say this cos there can be instances where not telling them the whole truth can have consequences for you in the end. Some trans people report issues where coverage was denied after they got the surgery and have to give a $6,000 bill they can’t pay to their parents, letters show up to the house referencing being trans and parents can open these and read them, and an insurance company or surgeon may need written proof from family members that you have been living under x name/gender for x amount of time to provide coverage or surgery. If you’re fine hiding the process from your parents and using your own insurance or paying out of pocket, then that’s an option. But the situation can get sticky if you pursue surgery and are still living at home or have lgbtq-phobic parents and need to hide any evidence of what the surgery is for. I understand coming out is a Huge Thing, but the unfortunate part about this sort of surgery is it can be impossible to go about it trying to conceal all your intentions. And from what I’ve been able to gather during my own process, it doesn’t appear to be possible to go through with this procedure and have it all covered by insurance without mentioning gender.

Again, I’m only speaking from the perspective of someone who lives in California and had my own set of experiences dealing with the hurdles of insurance and the process in general, so if anyone knows it’s different somewhere else or how you could do this in the closet to either family or to doctors, you’re welcome to add! I’m afraid I’ve never run into anyone who went through with surgery completely in the closet with everyone involved. The systems in place for this are based off an outdated binary “male or female” scales, which can make things uniquely difficult for non-binary people to obtain care.

You may find this article particularly helpful about receiving surgery specifically as a non-binary person.

TLDR; successfully acquiring top surgery while completely in the closet to your family or medical staff/insurance groups would be very difficult in most circumstances unless you go completely behind your family’s back and/or bring attention to your gender identity in a medical/legal setting.

#long post #trans health #non bianry #ftm #ftnb #top surgery #surgery mention

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

#ez answers #hrt #t #testosterone #gender stuff #Anonymous

[warriors-but-cats-die]

disabilities, gender, and injuries

awkward title bear with me.

so i have three things i desire to fix: disabilities, gender (and sexuality), and injuries. i'm not satisfied with how i handled ANY of those last round.

gender proves...

uncertain. most sources say around 1% of the population identifies as trans. i am going to hesitantly try this number, rolling a d100. actually, it's going to be 2%, because 99 will be nonbinary and 100 will be binary trans.

(yes, this is MASSIVELY simplifying matters.)

i feel happy with this method of handling things, for now. nonbinary cats will be listed simply as "cat" in allegiances. other trans cats...won't be listed?

sorry. i refuse to do single them out. i am a trans person and i enjoy trans cats in warriors as a form of escapism, where transphobia doesn't exist and everyone knows their gender young without any painful periods of questioning. i'm aware that's not representative of real experiences: i do not care.

i have not yet decided if i will answer questions about the gender identity of cats.

but sometimes surrogacy & etc. arrangements will be announced, and i will allow you to draw your conclusions from there.

as for sexuality.

god okay so i hate researching these statistics bc it feels like SUCH a landmine, but the poll wikipedia used really confusingly has trans in the same category as sexualities, which means i don't know how to interpret the results.

buuut working roughly, we'll say roll a d10, with a 10 being queer. i'll then flip a coin over gay or bi.

(yes again this is not representative of the many ways of being queer. please. i am playing a cat simulator with myself using random number generators. i am doing my best.)

last but certainly not least, to get the a-spectrum on here, we'll add another d100. for the purposes of simplification, ace cats will be off the table for having mates, because mates in wbcd are solely for the purposes of having kits.

(yes ace people can and do have children. i am doing my best.)

again, this will not be formally listed anywhere.

okay, next up: disability.

this is related to injury but i want to figure this part out first.

what i want to do here is set-up a framework for disabilities, and as i learn and research more, i can slot more and more specific situations in. i can't pretend to make a good list of every disability a cat could have, and i don't want to. it feels very counterproductive.

so what i've done is research some lists of categories of disabilities, with my plan being to fit specifics into those categories.

first, one in four adults have a disability, so that's one in four cats born in wbcd.

(yes some disabilities are acquired we're getting there, 1 in 4 is an easy number to generate and i'd rather overrepresent than underpreresent.

the list i am MOST happy with, in terms of categories, is: vision, mobility, auditory, neurological, cognitive, medical, and physical.

for right now, we will be selecting off of that list with even odds.

whether or not it gets mentioned in allegiances will be up to fate.

ALRIGHT, last up: injuries (and illnesses). the plan is to use the same list as before for injuries and illnesses with permanent and/or long lasting effects. the two questions are:

how often? and how long?

for how often,

i didn't find any numbers that felt workable, so i decided to do some thinking. i think, and this might sound a little strange, but i think at the beginning of every year, i'm going to roll a d4 for each clan, and that's the total number, and then i'll distribute those throughout the seasons.

for how long,

basically the problem here is some things take time to recover from and i wasn't really handling that at all.

so.

things that are recoverable will be assigned a behind-the-scenes end date. with my new and improved cat tracking system, i feel this is a logical way to handle it.

alright. that was a lot that i had to sort through, but i'm pretty happy with these methods, and i hope they lead to a more representative wbcd.

#mallow speaks #methodology

[lord-shitbox]

have been doing some self reflecting on my avoidant personality disorder traits so I feel like rambling somewhere. not diagnosed but I've been told I have traits by a professional and struggled with them for at least a few years

(idk how to add cut on mobile soz)

My experience with it involves projecting my own self hate or negative beliefs about myself onto everyone else. Because I feel like I am insufficient I assume everyone around me believes I am insufficient, and am on guard for anything someone might say or do that affirms this. Because I have strong negative reactions, the smallest action that i believe indicates that I am unwanted, bad at things, etc. will severely impact me, at which point I emotionally shut down and withdraw; if I am not involved in the situation anymore, I will not be hurt. The mortifying ordeal of being known is necessary to reach the gratifying experience of being loved but when it feels like every little step I take is hounded by negative feedback and I am deeply hurt, the prospective experience of being loved is nowhere near as promising as the simple comfort of isolation. When things get especially bad I can't imagine that I won't receive negative feedback and am convinced pain is all that awaits me, so I refuse to engage, at which point the negative impact on my life becomes visible externally. At one really low point when my relationships with my friends were not as good as they are now I took any indication that they disdained or hated a certain aspect of myself (being trans, tbh, bc negative experiences with other ppl in relation to this hurts me especially badly) I had recurringly-themed nightmares from the stress.

The way I've started coping with this is working on being able to believe other people genuinely care for me and learning to genuinely care for myself. Interacting with others in a relatively "safe" way where I try to leave no opportunities for a person to give me negative feedback that I will then take to mean that my innate belief that everyone else hates me like in some part of my heart I hate myself; not sending messages that I think might be hard to reply to, not being overly personal or vulnerable, etc until I can start trusting that person to not hurt me. With a positive relationship and other people caring about me I realized I wasn't all bad and could start to care for myself, but for many people it's the opposite & u have to realize that you are not innately horrible and are capable of being loved before you can feel like anyone really means it.

When I'm not preoccupied with negative beliefs about myself being reflected in every other person I see, I can express myself more fully and live more happily. Of course I still need time to myself and negative comments and experiences can send me sliding back into believing everyone else hates me but by not viewing myself as horribly shameful no matter what, I can be happy with the people I care about.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #mental illness #ramblings #coping #disorder feels #sprry i drank a coffee so i feel really rambly and i finished neon genesis the other day #honestly it fucking helped me realize some of this #personality disorders #avpd b like i think i fucking suck so everyone else must to and i need to avoid them so this doesnt cause me pain. and honestly yeah #im not entirely sure how i climbed out of self hate myself but other people liked me! they thoufht i was funny! i hsve hobbies i enjoy #the bus driver says have a good day to me every day. you know? love is everyone. or smn. lol #sorry for lowkey shinji kinningb /ironic maybe on main but thst show did help me good...... #serious stuff tag