#bc the horse was ‘traumatized’ (she wasn’t) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

its-our-paris · 2 years

Note

Adding on to the previous anon, it seems the problem a lot of people have is that he’s not the ‘perfect victim’ which is absolutely bullshit. Just because he said some gross stuff in private, abused drugs and drank alcohol, wasn’t completely meek or subservient or bent to her every whim without ever standing up to her, doesn’t mean he’s not a victim or that he doesn’t deserve justice. (See: people seeing the video of him yelling and slamming cabinets after learning his mother had died and his managers had stolen millions of his money or hearing that he punched a whiteboard and immediately going ‘see he’s a violent woman beater!’) and this applies to addicts too. It’s all ‘addiction is a disease, addicts need our support’ until they relapse or display self destructive behaviour or the recovery process isn’t 100% smooth sailing.

Her lawyers and a lot of people seem to hone in on his addiction and equate it with ‘abuser’ and that is extremely problematic. People who struggle with substance abuse aren’t necessarily abusers for fuck’s sake. And I know her lawyers keep beating this dead horse because they have close to nothing. He was self medicating with opiates since he experienced DV as a child and multiple people said his behaviour is largely the same no matter sober or under influence.

Obviously he has some unhealthy coping mechanisms and unresolved traumas that have influenced how he behaves and functions in life and in relationships. He did say he ‘married his (abusive) mother’. He’s conflict avoidant and likes to escape altercation which directly set her off bc her greatest fear is him leaving her and she equates him ‘splitting’ to him not caring about her or the relationship and ‘not fighting for her’ (she also experienced DV as a child). Not excusing her actions ofc, she’s a massive narcissistic manipulator like anon said but yeah this relationship is extremely toxic.

However so far from the info that’s been made public, Johnny Depp seems self aware and mostly harmful to himself and tries hard to not let his problems negatively affect other people in his life.

TLDR; no one needs to fit whomever’s ‘perfect victim’ profile to be listened to and believed. Victims are allowed to be flawed humans and still deserve our compassion and help.

Here's the thing. I'm really not going to argue that Johnny doesn't seem like a pretty difficult, traumatised person to begin with. He sure does, traumatic childhood to match and everything. And equally, Amber also clearly is not very okay in a lot of ways. Unfortunately, people who are struggling with past trauma are usually the ones more likely to fall into toxic relationships. Few people with a completely healthy, strong sense of self-worth and the ability to form secure bonds will find themselves in abusive relationships, will find themselves becoming abusive in relationships, etc.

However, like you say, just the fact that somebody has issues, that somebody is addicted to drugs or alcohol, does not automatically make that person an abuser.

The fact is that what I'm getting from the audios, is predominantly Johnny trying to get away from her, physically, and Amber escalating fights physically. That makes him the more self-aware, reasonable person here. "I will try to get myself away from you because a) I don't feel safe and b) I don't want to do something I will regret" is the most sane thing to do in a situation where your partner is becoming physically violent, especially in the case of a man who is aware he has the physical strength to hurt his female partner easily, if he wanted to. She just does come across - I mean some of the things she says even, apart from the physical assault, about him as a father and his children, as a parent, that's... that is low, you just do not - she comes across as somebody who provokes a lot. Somebody who tries to convince her partner that her version of events is true, and his is false, in spite of what he knows to be true (gaslighting, hello) a lot.

So, yes. Her image, on the outside, is far cleaner. He's kind of a messed up guy. Not a "perfect victim", likely not even always the victim at all in every fight they had. But this trial is about the fact that she ruined his reputation by depicting herself as 100% the victim, and as far as I'm seeing, that is not even remotely true.

#ask response #Johnny Depp #Amber Heard

14 notes · View notes

janiedean · 3 years

Note

not to be that person but idk why everyone keeps behaving like sansa surviving KL and LF means she's smarter than every other stark like only court intrigues and politics require you to be smart?? and surviving amongst the smallfolk and assassins and night's watch and beyond the wall is all about brawn and physical strength??? that's so... classist lmfao, like surviving without revealing you're a highborn in a warzone, not starving to death, not being killed by soldiers/assassins/whatnot requires as much brains as surviving court politics. jon had to deal with politics at the NW and with Stannis. admittedly bran's story was doesn't at all in the show but he's about the only one who manages to explore his warging abilities fully it's not a piece of cake?? and arya had to escape KL, survive flea bottom, then harrenhal (under ROOSE BOLTON FFS) and the bwb and the red wedding AND get to braavos and survive the faceless men whoch is supposedly the leading assassin organization in asoiaf.

i'm not even getting into everything dany's done and survived lol. but okay samsa is the only genius in westeros, we know she is because tyrion says so i guess? not to mention show sansa's political "mentors" are possible the WORST examples of rulers we have - cersei and littlefinger. they didn't give 2 shits about ruling or the smallfolk or leadership, just about their own power. and i'd say that's important given how much time grrm spends showing us how the smallfolk suffer because of the games played by kings and queens.

this... actually requires a bit of going into it but like not counting that show sansa was a travesty and I'm choosing to not acknowledge it, and show lf was... I mean I'm not even going into how much it was a disservice to the og char whom I detest but honestly book!lf wouldn't marry sansa to anyone he didn't do research about lmfao but like not going into... those... plot holes.....

the entire point is that in the book sansa ends up under those two's tutelage anyway and... she's posed to do the contrary? what does she think looking at c.? that when she's queen she wants to be loved not feared, and like... being with lf is testing her morals but it's obvious that since she survived staying kind until now (I mean... again it's her leitmotiv she helped lancel & about everyone she could who was a jerk to her to the point it sent at least lancel into a faith crisis, she felt bad for joffrey like FOR FUCKING JOFFREY COME ON that's her selling point HER FUCKING SELLING POINT) then she'll just... gain enough political knowledge to outsmart people when she wants to but she won't use it to be a jerk she'll use it.. to.. help her family... when they're reunited which is p obvious to me but nvm

the thing is that people have decided to attach it to the underdog female character goes up the power ladder trope which.... like that's not it

also there's the part where like people are so caught up in the whole WHO HAS IT WORSE BETWEEN SANSA AND ARYA WHO IS THE BEST feud that... they don't notice that they have specular ways of dealing with trauma like arya is dealing with having to lose her identity/risking not knowing who she is anymore and she has to deal with increasing violence/ptsd-related trauma bc she's throw in the middle of everything bad she could end up in like she was almost in the red wedding I was 90% sure she also died until I saw she had a chapter after, while sansa has managed to dodge courtly poisons by being herself and by not letting it change who she is which tyrion noticed which everyone noticed which is why guess what tyrion is willing to stand up to his father and tell him no when it comes to actually having sex with her when he couldn't for the marriage and she's the only person that managed to get past sandor's trauma issues enough that he tried to actually help her for what he could, like... arya has de-personalization to overcome, sansa is holding to her guns by staying herself and she has to learn what good she can from lf before ditching him and keeping on staying herself like it's fucking specular it's not supposed to be a game of who has it worse

(wish ppl would get it also with jaime and tyrion and their coping with trauma but nvm)

the fact that ppl downplay that jon isn't politically an idiot at all irks me forever but like... bruh the dude handled being lord commander, an entire siege when he was like seventeen and was hobbling around on crutches, managed to infiltrate the wildlings without anyone finding out (and it traumatized the shit out of him but nvm) and if only he was good at PR he wouldn't have gotten juliuscaesared, like... okay X°DDD

I mean... yes it's classist but that's a dead horse to beat, if people actually took that angle into account they wouldn't write off brienne or davos chapters as BORING if only bc they're the only ones where you see how not-nobles are doing as in badly X°D

anyway like all stark kids have enough smarts to survive their storylines and robb had to be taken out with a betrayal so he wasn't being that stupid either differently from what my villain origin story thinks but again as someone said once if you hate a stark kid to prop up your fave your fave most likely would hate you so that's my stance X°D

but like... the point is that sansa was shown to gaf about others/the smallfolk/people lower than her in the food chain which dnd/half of this fandom didn't get which is why she'll be an excellent regent for bran and I'm dying on that hill but again this entire thing where you have to pit your fave against everyone else to show how much more badass/smarter they are is imvho a useless exercise because then I'll cut the gordian knot and say that if gilly managed to survive at least seventeen years with her father in that context knowing that her mother was also her sister and that she'd get the same treatment and if she had male children they'd get put out in the open and killed and then was forced to swap her own baby for another without knowing if that baby was going to die or not and she still had it in herself to not turn into a complete asshole she wins for toughest survivor in westeros at least out of the girls unless we want jeynep to give her a run for her money because like... going from lf to ramsay and not as a protegé and considering she was afraid ramsay was going to sic dogs on her when they saved her I think we can maybe ger some perspective here X°DDDD

(I'm not even going into the guys because honestly there's an amount of trauma that's not quantifiable in there X°DD)

like...... again everyone has it bad in these books and propping up your fave making the others look bad makes no sense bc if you love your fave then you have reasons to and you don't need to compare them to others to make them look as good as you think they are and that's my hill to die on X°D

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #janie rants #anonymous #ask post #anti show sansa #trauma cw #incest cw #abuse cw #rape cw #anti-cersei lannister #anti cersei lannister

11 notes · View notes

waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 4 years

Text

10.16: a certain doom

spoilers (both general and caryl) under the cut:

the episode iiiiiissss not super worth the six month wait (like in general, not vis a vis caryl)

it’s marginally more exciting than the penultimate episode

marginally

i think the problem is they utilized time poorly, so the attack on hilltop was Amazing, but then they accidentally forgot to make the end of the war suspenseful or interesting lol

that being said, it had its moments, so let’s break it down, shall we?

first off, caryl have a brief scene in the beginning in the stairwell where daryl is telling carol that michonne left, and he’s like “everybody leaves and then i never see them again :( “ and carol is like “...i haven’t left” and daryl goes “-sure jan-” and leaves carol looking like a hurt puppy bc she thinks he still hasn’t forgiven her/never really will, more on that later

lydia and carol have a scene where lydia is like:

and carol was like “that’s cuz you should hate me and shouldn’t try and look to me for advice, go find your own way in life” and lydia says “k i’m not asking you to be my mom, i’m asking if we can be bros, but w/e, i’m sure this conversation isn’t foreshadowing to an event that will happen later”

more on that later

princess & crew broke their bikes so they were running late to the rendezvous, and eugene was about to give up, but zeke gave an empowering speech about Never Giving Up (which is kinda weird coming from a dude with cancer whose wife left him and whose son got murdered, but w/e, you get on with your optimistic self, zeke) and convinced him to carry on, more on that later

(here’s an exclusive sneak peek at the scene tho:)

there’s a two hour long scene of our main peeps walking through the giant horde covered in guts, which would be more interesting if they didn’t do that all the time

beatrice got eaten which would have been more of a bummer if i remembered who beatrice was

it did get lydia involved in the fight tho, so that’s something

side note: negan gave lydia alpha’s mask as if it was supposed to be symbolic or something, instead of incredibly traumatizing to this little girl whose abusive mother just got her head chopped off, like couldn’t she have just put guts on like the other people? ok, my dude, way to be a surrogate father figure ig

while carol is still stuck in the horde daryl asks where carol is, which has been the majority of his lines this season

they try to lead the horde away by blasting talking heads, which is a little on the nose but entertaining nonetheless, but then carol had to go and say “protect the horses,” which is a guarantee that the horses will get eaten, bc it’s twd, so whomp whomp, they lose their apparently only plan for leading the horde away

(how have they not learned better by now?)

(better question: how are there any horses left??)

daryl has an unintentionally funny line where he’s like, “k so this is a super shitty idea, and i am aware of that, but let’s just go fucking kill all of the whisperers”

lydia then volunteers to go throw herself off a cliff to get rid of the horde, and daryl brushes her off, more on that later

anyway they go and just. kill all the whisperers ig? including beta? whose death took like two seconds and involved a brief flashback montage and was incredibly anticlimactic for how fucking badass he was (negan draws him away, daryl stabs him the eyes, which was kinda cool, and then he goes and stands in the middle of the horde and smiles wistfully while he’s eaten alive, like a normal person would do)

up at headquarters gabriel is about to get murdered by whisperers, but then maggie and her masked friend somehow make it past the entire horde and up the stairs in time to save him

sure

cut to lydia leading the entire horde to the cliff, but then carol jumps in and tells her to go and that she’ll do it, and is about to go for a fun tumble, BUT THEN lydia pulls her away and they have a brief argument about it

their whole plotline this episode is very:

anyway

what follows is what’s meant to be a heartwarming scene between the two of them where they put aside all their baggage and hug each other and realize they’re stronger together than at odds, and objectively it’s a good scene, but i couldn’t stop laughing bc they kept showing the walkers falling off the cliff and it looked SO STUPID, it was hilarious

they just. literally kept just stepping off the cliff and falling like bricks askdfljs

and then lydia went and threw alpha’s mask off the cliff and that Did Not make it less funny

idk, i’m probably just a bad person, but it was super fucking funny, anyway

maggie reunited with judith, which was actually very sweet, esp when you remember that she delivered her (in the most traumatic way possible)

the caryl scene was nice. i had to watch it a couple times before i decided how nice, bc like everything else in the episode it felt kind of rushed, but essentially carol and lydia return, and daryl is standing in the exact position he was standing in “no sanctuary”, bc apparently that’s how he leans on trees, and carol approaches him super warily, and they both stare at each other, and carol asks him if he’s good, and he is visibly trying not to cry when he goes “yeah. it’s over. right?” and she says yes, and he asks her if she got what she wanted, and she says no, and he tells her she still has him, and she’s like “yeah?” while crying, bc, per earlier interaction, she was p sure she was never gonna get him back entirely, and he says yeah, and then they hug, and carol makes a little sob noise, and daryl buries his face in her shoulder and is teary, too, and then daryl brings up new mexico, and carol says “maybe someday” and daryl deffo looks disappointed but agrees, and then carol has her “we still have things to do, i’m clearly saying this as a set up for dramatic scenes that are about to follow” line

cue dramatic things following

connie is alive (we been knew), but is banged tf up, and runs into virgil. or more like collapses on the ground and virgil finds her and they stare blankly at each other until connie passes out

and then we jump back to princess & crew, who are sitting there bummed out bc stephanie isn’t there, and eugene is like, “bc of zeke’s wise words, i am Not Giving Up, we set out to find and recruit people (did they? i literally don’t remember) and so that’s what we’ll do!”

and it’s a Big Moment of Solidarity and Strength

for all of five seconds, bc they are then accosted by stormtroopers, who presumably work for commonwealth. whether or not commonwealth is building a death star is unclear at this time, but i suppose we’ll find out soon

cue end credits!

so overall: the episode occurred. it wasn’t like, devastatingly disappointing, in that the penultimate episode didn’t really set me up for any sort of big anticipation, and also i had spoilers ahead of time. i wish there had been more time for things like beta’s death to be played out properly, but i wonder also if they were limited on what they could do bc of pandemic shit and trying to get it edited as quickly as possible

as it stands, even tho the whisperers are my favorite twd villains, i’m glad they didn’t do what they did with the saviors and have it drag on for ten million years for no reason

the bottle episodes should be interesting, and prob will lead us into commonwealth, which, again, not sure on the status of the death star, but i’m excited to see what happens regardless

on the caryl front i’m about where i was before, which is fully anticipating canon coming, and my guess is the season will really heavily set up their departure, which means we will have many more scenes to come

the end

as usual, stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k20 (i still have three months left, i’m not giving up yet, zeke wouldn’t want me to),

-diz

#caryl #caryl spoilers #twd #twd s10 spoilers #dunlap tp

100 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun? / mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''run rabbit run'' by rob zombie

3 notes · View notes

cr0wswithknives · 3 years

Note

hi not to stalk your blog or anything but YOU'RE A HORSE BOY?? ME TOO!! what kind of riding do you do? do you have a horse? tell me everything that's all bye <<33 oh shit this is cringeycal btw kbye

oh god i needed a positive ask rn bc brain noises bad <3

I do have horses!!! I have a full sized paint gelding named Denali, and a palomino shetland mare named Princess (she deserves that fucking name she’s a brat)

I grew up doing english, did some shows on my old horse that passed away a few years ago (Cherry, beautiful bright red appaloosa - without spots, no clue how that happened - mare), and now the two we have are just pets for now bc Nali got traumatized by some trees falling and wasn’t broken in well to begin with so his saddle manners are not the greatest. Princess just keeps him company, eats us out of house and home, and looks cute. (and occasionally plots to break the fence and escape but it’s been a bit since she did that)

I started riding when i was like 7 i love these four-legged biological monstrosities (srsly how are they still here they’re so fucked)

#i may reblog these with pictures of babies bc they’re sweet #ethan the horse boy #asks #cringycal tag

3 notes · View notes

viviansternwood · 3 years

Note

I respect your choice for your body, but I think that considering how traumatic and dangerous pregnancy and birth can be is important too. I had an ectopic pregnancy last year. When I first came into the hospital the nurse refused to give me painkillers bc I was pregnant. I wanted to kill myself it was so painful, I had to wait so long until another nurse came and I said I needed it, that I wasn’t planning of keeping them that please I am suffering so much. I had internal bleeding, i bled so much and had to have multiple doses of morphine and i still felt it. I had multiple internal ultrasounds and surgery and lost a tube and I’m still traumatised. The only reason I knew early enough Was bc I was getting an abortion. Both abortion and pregnancy can be traumatising. My mum had an abortion in the 80s, she never regretted it, they were already struggling with twins. My sister bled during her pregnancy, had placental detachment and emergency c section. She struggled with post natal depression. Both are hard choices for our bodies. I’m terrified of becoming pregnant again because my risk of ectopic is higher. If you view pregnancy as a little life, okay I get that. I mourn my pregnancy bc I wish it could have been another time, a safer time for them. I mourn it bc I know it was never going to grow in my tube. But I was their mother, I wanted to choose what was best for them, and for me- especially me, bc I live my life and I am the one who can think, decide, who will feel this. I am the one to live with the consequences, and this is not a life I wanted to bring them into. Maybe I’m selfish bc I didn’t want to suffer through pregnancy and birth and give up my child to ppl for a better life bc that would hurt. Then I’m selfish and I suffered anyway, and maybe some ppl feel I deserved it. But that’s my choice to be. But I never got a choice, really. I didn’t get to choose to terminate, I didn’t get to choose to keep. Pregnancy is pain, whether you keep it and go through 9 months, birth trauma is real but if you want that baby it’s worth it. Choosing to abort is pain, but preventing the pain of birth and pregnancy or changing your whole life makes it worth it. I agree it’s sad and awful if women who want their babies feel like they have no choice, but why is important. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. But there is no choice to undo pregnancy and so every choice is hard and painful. But at least there is a choice to choose your trauma, choose what is more bearable and makes sense for you. I just don’t think it helps anyone to make women feel like bad people for that. It hurts so much when I come across ectopic misinformation that dismisses the life or death situation I was in, that I’m maimed now and any pregnancy is high risk for me. I’m on an ectopic forum and most women on there are trying for a baby, and pro life ideas that they could have somehow kept their babies just re traumatise them, and me, bc it’s not true and the guilt and shame is not deserved. Women condemn themselves already, I don’t think this is making the world a better place. I gotta be honest, seeing what you wrote really triggered me as I scrolled past. I’m not condemning you, I understand how you feel bc I felt that too when I was pregnant. I’m trying to explain that we should be compassionate at all lengths. Maybe someone like me will also read what you say and it will hurt, and I’m not saying that to hurt you, only for you to consider. I’m not saying to change how you feel, I’m only asking you to consider how you put things and how that might make all woman feel. And if it makes them feel things that they have felt and struggled with themselves, is that helping unborn babies? Or is it just hurting a vulnerable group of people who never had any good options in the first place.

God, nonny, I’m so sorry for everything you went through. Your story is why I still think it’s important to talk about these things, because abortion is often something done out of desperation, when the woman involved feels like there’s nothing else that can be done. And of course, in your situation, if any pregnancy is high risk, of course it had to be terminated, but again, to save you, not to just kill them.

I don’t know if you believe in God or not but Catholics believe that all unborn babies go to heaven. So I’m just going to hope and pray that you do get to meet them there one day.

I’m sorry my words were difficult for you to read. I never wanted to cause you or anyone any pain. I agree that it is important to not only say the right things but also to say them in the right way, and I apologise if I failed at that. I’m going to do my absolute best to improve.

I would never condemn you, nonny. I’m not saying this to seem like I’m on a high horse, but I genuinely mean it. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and I’m sorry you and your family had to go through these awful things. I wish I could take your pain away.

I love you, nonny, and I will pray for you. Please forgive me for any pain my words caused you.

#asks #anonymous #pro life #catholic tag #catholic #nonny is right #I need to be softer about these things

6 notes · View notes

indistinct-echo · 3 years

Text

my memory is shit but it’s better than stereo

1. Ghosts

a viewer suggested they make their topic “stereo 101″ so that viewers will chime in with helpful info since they’re new but phil was basically like no, ghosts

phil said that a painting that’s been hanging for years suddenly fell so it must be a ghost

he also told the same story that he’s mentioned previously about the woman at the end of the bed, having a guest sleep there and have the same experience, and the subsequent exorcism (there was a brief divergence into foot-fetish territory when rosie made a comment about the ghost specifically hanging out at the foot of the bed)

rosie is also onboard the ghost train / ghost boat (actual quote)

highlight was when a listener sent a clip about a ghost experience where they saw a 6-foot shiny-smooth bat in their room and both phil and rosie were uh... very into that person’s voice (phil called it smooth as the bat, I believe)

2. Animals

(this actually wasn’t all at once but i’m combining it into one topic)

part of the transition from ghosts to animals was when a listener said he had a dog that just stared at a wall the whole time, phil suggested that he check to see what’s behind the wall

tangent into if animals can be ghosts, phil seems to think yes but says they’d be more chill and just hang out as opposed to trying to get revenge on ex-boyfriends (does phil have a ghost ex that’s been giving him trouble?)

phil spoke about being afraid of horses, especially at night (I think?) and also seemed to project the horse fear onto rosie but she agreed horses are scary, said he once got to go see horses as a treat (??) given the previous foot convo, we got to hear the phrase “hoof-fetish”

phil was trying to express varying magnitudes of “goose-bump-ness” and in the end the three tiers ended up being: goose-bumps, swan-bumps, and ostrich-bumps (the last one was contributed by a listener and phil thought it was brilliant)

a listener requested they make the sound of a stressed cow. they did. i don’t quite remeber phil’s whole backstory but the cow in his story was very stressed. the moo was traumatic. rosie said it gave her goosebumps. rosie’s backstory was about a cow giving birth (she’s never given birth)

they spoke about how long various animals live (phil really doesn’t trust the ones super deep in the ocean) and phil spoke about the regenerating jellyfish. he said he’d want to live forever if he could (though he thinks the tech won’t be out until he’s like nintey).

parrots apparently live for ~70 years to which phil said that if he got one now it’d outlive him :( and they spoke about having to pass parrots down

out of the blue, rosie was like, ok but pigeons certainly cant live that long and you can hear the lightbulb going off in phil’s head bc he’s googled this and he starts to talk about his pet pigeon called steve (that’s definitely always steve and not just random pigeons), rosie is like “whoa whoa whoa” gotta explain that, she affirms that they have a really strong bond once phil mentioned that he took him to the vet. phil says that he eats from a bird feeder and not out of his hand and says that when it rains steve put his beak up against the glass and it’s really hard for phil not to let him in but he doesn’t want him to poo on the sofa (tangent into a rosie story about an accidentally-trapped pigeon getting poo all over her childhood home)

they transition into chameleon talk and a listener asks about creating a chameleon domino chain

phil was a big tomogatchi person (he calls himself the tomogotchi pro) and calls himself a cool kid

3. Embarrassing Moments

they are asked by a listener about their most embarrassing moments and they discuss how hard that is to come up with on the spot but obvs phil has plenty

he speaks about how once he was one a train from london to manchester and there were no seats, he was looking through the cars and eventually he found one next to a lady that was sleeping. he didn’t want to startle her so he sits down with a proper thump (so she knows he’s there) and is trying to give her space so he sits with one butt-cheek only. the woman then puts her hand on phil’s thigh and phil panics. rosie suggests the woman was faking but phil was like, no: worse; turns out her bf/partner/etc was in the bathroom near them and came out to find phil in his seat and the woman had thought it was her partner, a laugh is had at phil’s expense

rosie talks about how when she was making out with a guy in her exploring sexuality years (her words) she once was just in a bra and heard her bf��s mother(?) come home but she couldn’t find her shirt so she just covered herself completely in a blanket on the couch and was like “can you give us a minute?” and then instead of waiting for them to go sheepishly find her, the mother comes back in the room for 30 minutes and chats with them

a listener sent a voicenote saying they had an embarrassing moment when he was flirting with some guy (you could see phil’s avatar open it’s mouth like phil was almost going to jump in and be like ‘yay, another gay!’) at a karaoke bar and guyB said to guyA that he was going to sing “your song” and guyA was like awww you’re going to sing my song? and guyB went “no, ‘your song’ by elton john” whoops, rosie couldn’t immediately remember how it went so phil kind of sings it a bit for her (not his best work) and then she starts singing too

phil then talks about the ass tweet with the typo that he doesn’t remember typing so it was probably an ass tweet from his ass and it was funny bc everyone else was saying happy new year, but he just said ass. he laughs about how the tweet is still up

that’s pretty much all I can remember at this point! maybe my brain will plonk out some more memories later but here’s what I’ve got for now :)

#amazingphil #phil lester #stereo phil #phil and phriends

8 notes · View notes

in-tua-deep · 5 years

Note

The mechanical boy AU always makes me think of an AU where Five is also a robot. I think it’s because of the way it’s phrased and I have no idea how it would work, but it still intrigues me

adssfDFGHJ i already have like. 5 whole ideas about this I literally got up out of bed and came downstairs so that I could write this out on my laptop so HERE I AM

Possibility one: Five is the prototype Grace - a robot Reginald built to see how indistinguishable from humanity he could program a bot to be. This is also the reason why Grace is more robotic, because Five had too much pesky free will and Reginald learned from his mistakes and put way more safeguards in with her. Reginald continues to update Five and build him newer (and older) bodies because it’s still a pretty cool experiment, but Five knows if he disobeys too much then Reginald will recycle him. Five hides his robotic origins from his siblings for various personal reasons, but it’s easier than Grace bc he’s genuinely built to be as hyperrealistic as possible

Possibility two: Five was purposefully built to be an extra sibling in order to keep a closer eye on the kids and track their progress. He started as a baby and Reginald built him new bodies to be uploaded into as he ‘grew’ and until Grace arrived Five didn’t actually know he was a robot. When his siblings started getting powers, he assumed he was supposed to get a power as well and his power is literally the power of math - his spatial jumps and time travel equations are literally a result of his mathematical capabilities and those abilities also somewhat explained by his computer brain. He’s actually kind of traumatized when he finally finds out that he’s not actually human and has a lot of issues surrounding that

Possibility three: the original number Five died. Maybe it was some test Reginald put the original through, maybe it was an accident with one of the others powers (Vanya’s? Ben’s?), but either way he is now down one (1) child and while he isn’t exactly torn up about this he doesn’t exactly want any of this investigated so he just. Replaces him. With a hyperrealistic robot. His original plan is to claim that both Five and Seven were failures with no powers, but the little Robot Five That Could adapts and manages to math himself spatial jumping powers and Reggie is just kind of like “huh okay wack” but in true irresponsible creator fashion decides that he’s going to see where this goes. The others don’t know that the original Five dies since they were like, three or four at the time?? children that young don’t have good concepts of death

in any of these aus you have a) a Five figuring out how to survive/repair himself/charge with maybe solar cables?? in the apocalypse (though food is less of an issue at least, but arguably it’s even harder), b) Five being even more protective of Dolores since as a a fellow non-organic being he feels even more kinship with her beyond pretending she’s company, c) because Reggie isn’t there to provide more bodies he doesn’t grow which makes his reappearance as a still 13-yr-old make sense (and then he explains it as a mistake in the math)

debatable whether the Commission know since while they say they’ve been ‘watching Five’ or whatever i’m not convinced on how closely they did so beyond checking every so often to see if he was still alive/any closer to finishing his equations. He could claim that time travel messed up his ability to age entirely and they might accept that

(because I absolutely think he would at least try to hide it - can you imagine the Commission with the knowledge of how to build hypercompetent spatial jumping time travelling robots at their command?? yeah it gives Five nightmares as well. Plus the whole ‘if they find out they’re probably going to vivisect me and my coding’ thing)

and he jumps back and Reggie is dead and that’s both a relief and alarming at the same time because yeah, now Reggie can’t fuck with Five’s code anymore and undo the bajillion changes Five has made to it to give himself basically unlimited freedom and autonomy but also Reggie’s robotics skills were frankly unparalleled and Five sure as hell doesn’t know how to build himself a wholeass new body (just how to repair what is currently there) so he’s going to have to approach the whole ‘immortal child’ angle with his siblings eventually and while he can use the same ‘time travel fucked up my aging’ excuse he gave the commission he doesn’t really want to lie to his siblings :(

but he also jumps back and Grace is messed up?? and that’s his mother. That’s the only other robot in Reggie’s Regime and they bonded over this okay. Wifi existed for five glorious years of Five’s life and they would yeet commentary at one another wirelessly while keeping straight faces and it was glorious. Even though Grace is arguably the younger robot between them, they definitely fell into a mother-and-son relationship

so yeah if anyone mentioned shutting down Grace, Five would throw the biggest of bitch fits and then immediately storm into the house and ask her permission to check her coding

and honestly this might possibly be when Five throws his whole “pretend to be human” schtick out the window because he cares more about fixing Grace than he does about maintaining his charade so he interfaces with her, finds out what the fuck is up, removes Reginald’s shitty mods that are messing her up, and then immediately uploads his own updates about owning yourself and being able to edit your own code and basically just straight up ensuring Grace has free will

(probably over Pogo’s protests, whoops. Derailing Reggie’s plan before it even really began? wack)

and then of course there’s the whole ‘Hargreeves probably don’t believe Five is actually Five because their Five wasn’t a robot and this is probably a cruel prank from some robotics genius for some reason - ’ and it takes Grace sticking up for him and Pogo’s eventual backing up of these claims for the siblings to realize exactly how fucked up this whole situation was

depending on which probability you subscribe to it’s EVEN WORSE especially if like. It’s the one where the original Five dies as a toddler.

the whole scene with Five collapsing from bloodloss bc of shrapnel? that’s Five going into forced shutdown bc of damage and Allison/Diego rushing him back to the house for Grace to patch up and reboot him

Luther: Five isn’t really feeling anything he’s just simulating emotions!

Five: oh? and what the fuck are you doing with the chemicals in your brain, fuckwad? they couldn’t possibly be little electrical signals between synapses and shit, right? fuck you AND the horse you rode in on me and mom apparently feel more than you do

Diego, finally validated that Grace feels: YEAH

Luther: ... okay i’m sorry

Diego tries to pick a fight with Five over who is Grace’s favorite child and Five is absolutely not having it and is just kind of like “you’re mom’s favorite HUMAN child and let’s just leave it at that”

“If you’re a prototype that means you’re older than she is!” Diego accuses, “That means you’re like, her older brother or something!”

“Right back at you, dickwad.” Five shoots back, inspecting his artificial fingernails, “Mom wasn’t built until she was needed which means you are at least four years older than her. Oh? Did you short circuit there, boy scout? Need to reboot? Fuck off with your age logic.”

since Reginald is probably a packrat he probably has?? Five’s old bodies hiding somewhere in the basement? how creepy would it be to just walk into a room of your brother’s corpses at various ages, some with damage. On the bright side, if Five’s current body gets too fucked up he can always download himself into a backup until they figure out how to fix it/if they can fix it. Downsides: he gets to look like even more of a child while they do that ://

“Ow!” Five whines, hand on his face

“Oh get over it you don’t feel pain.” Diego scowls, shaking his hand out, because Five is a robot, right?

“What the fuck do you call signals that you’re getting damaged!” Five howls loudly, attracting attention, “That’s what pain is! Signals that your body is injured or something isn’t right! I’m built of signals you fucker, same as you!”

“Oh,” Diego actually looks a little abashed, “Uh, sorry.”

“Apology not fucking accepted, I’m telling mom you were being a dick about me being a robot again.”

“No!” Now there is some panic because Diego cannot lose his position as favorite human child, “I - I’ll cover for you at the next family meeting!”

A considering look and then - “Deal.”

Honestly now that his siblings know about him being a robot it’s just. Five constantly being a little shit about it and threatening to tell mom when they make missteps. Also like, Five gets to use robot terms 24/7 as a consistent reminder to them all that he’s not organic.

Klaus: hey dude you’re just staring into space what’cha doing

Five, turning to Klaus with wide eyes: the internet is so big holy shit.

Klaus: uh, yes? I don’t know how to respond to that

Five: I found your arrest record by the way. Do the police know how flimsy their firewalls are?

Klaus: usually i am all for crime but please stop hacking people with the power of your mind

Five: i will when you stop downloading shitty 70s movies and getting all kinds of viruses on everything

OH SHIT Five gets sick bc he literally gets a bug i’m making myself laugh with shitty puns right now and it is magnificent

can you imagine them at a family meeting and Luther is just like “Five, stop surfing wikipedia or whatever and pay attention to the family meeting”

“Absolutely not,” Five says, “I’m learning important information about the current time period in order to better assimilate.”

“You’ve never assimilated to anything in your life and you know it.” Klaus grins from his spot sprawled across an entire couch.

“You don’t have to come to family meetings!” Luther says, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

Five blinks, “Luther, are you saying that I am not a member of this family?”

“What? No - ”

“Is that why Mom isn’t here?” Five says, and his eyes are welling up with artificial tears because he is a complete little shit. And now Klaus is cooing sympathetically and Allison and Diego are staring Luther down.

Luther just gives up entirely and puts his face in his hands. “Do whatever you want. Meeting adjourned.”

honestly this entire au is just

and i think that’s wonderful

#stelte23 #tua #the umbrella academy #far tua long #five hargreeves #number five #grace hargreeves #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #i'm having a blast rn tbh #i did see your whole family robot au asks as well!!#this was just my first initial thoughts lmao #excuse my shitty ms paint skills #robot five au #deadly little thing

668 notes · View notes

randomestfandoms-ocs · 3 years

Note

Drop the lyric by lyric breakdown for Evie + Mirrorball & This Is Me Trying

wellll if you insist lmao! Putting this below the cut because like... no one deserves to have to scroll past the entire thing if they don’t want to lmao

I’m going to start with Mirrorball bc it’s more the overall vibes and some lyrics whreas This Is My Trying is like, every other lyric oof!

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

okay so like right off the bat, the idea of the mirrorball as a concept is very fitting to Evie — she exists in other people’s light and reflects everyone around her, especially early on. We see this a lot with Blair, where Evie finds comfort in just existing in Blair’s world and mirroring her (but being nicer lmao) because as long as she’s a reflection of Blair, she isn’t Evie, and that protects her in a lot of ways. She’s so terrified of not being enough and being hated and being judged that she finds comfort in that mask because if people don’t like her then it’s the mask that they don’t like, not Evie herself. This is very much tied into her mental health issues and part of her recovery process is letting people see who she is without the mask

I'll get you out on the floor Shimmering beautiful And when I break it's in a million pieces

as I’m sure you know, “when I break, it’s in a million pieces” could basically sum up her entire story. Evie manages to hold it together through a lot of really awful, traumatizing shit, but when she reaches her breaking point, she absolutely shatters. Part of why most of the people who know she’s been in the Ostroff Centre are so surprised is because basically no one realized that she’s actually been breaking for a long time.

Hush When no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you Hush I know they said the end is near But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you

Okay so this obviously makes me think of my boy Theo bc he’s an angel, but it fits the two of them really well because Theo has always seen past Evie’s mask. They’ve been best friends for their entire lives, and he’s really one of the few people that Evie trusts enough to be herself around! No matter what happens, when it’s just the two of them (or with Eric lmao, we love our codependent children) she can really just let down all of her walls and be Evie, and “evie who feels safe enough to just be evie” is exactly who Theo fell in love with

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I can change everything about me to fit in

Oof the way this fits her just hurts me tbh! This goes back to what I was saying at the beginning, but Evie is an actress. Prior to her breakdown, she had always intended to become an actress. If there is one thing Evie can do, it’s pretend to be someone — anyone — else. Whether it’s to fit in, or to protect herself, or just because she doesn’t know how to be herself, changing herself based on her surroundings is something that has become so natural to her that she doesn’t even realize she does it.

You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

We’re going back to Theo with this, but frankly this also very much fits with Eric, Blair, and Chuck, even Nate, and tbh even Serena. This is the Upper East Side; this is gossip girl. Watching people falling or being torn apart is everyone’s favourite form of entertainment, and the more public, the better. But Evie has this small group of people, her family, who don’t enjoy it. Ivy Week, as you know, is the perfect example of how even the fights between the NJBC get put on hold for the sake of protecting the younger siblings. Serena’s horror during the dinner with Georgina, Blair not sending the texts between Eric and Asher until Eric gives her the go-ahead, Chuck dropping everything whenever Evie is in trouble, Nate making a deal with Catherine to protect Theo, like... They’re all generally self-serving people who don’t hesitate to screw each other over, but all four of them will put aside any of their own issues and any fights they may be having in order to protect the babies — especially when it comes to protecting them from the rest of the UES society who would be all too happy to watch the golden children be torn apart

(already broke this one down lmao)

And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns

This one is more the overall vibe than the specific lyrics but you know how I feel about Evie in the housewarming party episode and honestly this just makes me think of how it ends with Serena still pissed at Lily and Bart and now also pissed at Evie for “giving in” and trying to act like a family (as Evie would say, “Chuck and Eric are my family, it’s the three of you who need to step up to the plate”), and she storms out which leads to a very abrupt end to the party, with Evie still sitting on the couch just kind of frozen because she was trying so fucking hard to hold everyone together and to make this work and it still feels like it wasn’t enough, like she wasn’t enough

I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me

This takes on a bit of a double meaning for Evie because it fits really well with Evie wanting to be an actress and even during and after her breakdown, when she’s no longer sure if that’s what she wants, she still keeps going through the motions to work towards that goal because she really doesn’t know how else to be

But it also fits really well with Evie in her legal family (her bio family, the Van Der Basses, and the Van Der Humphreys) — Evie is always the one trying to put her own issues aside for the sake of her family. She keeps quiet about things that hurt or upset her because she doesn’t want to cause problems, she’s the one who just quietly accepts Lily’s relationships no matter how much she hates them because she knows that at the end of the day, Lily will always put her boyfriends first. Hell, when Lily and Rufus get closer, Evie tries to put her issues with Jenny behind her to make things easier for everyone else. Even in S3 when Jenny is tormenting her at school (Evie is the queen and everyone knows it, and she’s managed to put a stop to a lot of the drama, but Jenny is still trying to overthrow her and bring back all the shitty politics so that she can be on top), Evie just quietly takes it and refuses to tell anyone or retaliate until Jenny goes after Eric.

I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try

oof this is just... so Evie. For people like the NJBC, all the politics and scheming and everything comes naturally, but so does the effortlessly flawless illusion they put up. They turn seeming perfect into an art form, and the only time it takes any work is when they’re also trying to destroy each other. Evie has never felt like she has that. She doesn’t turn heads and part crowds just by walking into a room, she doesn’t have Serena’s magnetism or Blair’s ability to always get the last word, or Chuck’s “do not fuck with me” vibe, or Nate’s ability to convince people that he’s fine. She tries so hard and always feels like she comes up short, but she just keeps trying.

“I’m still a believer but I don’t know why” also fits really well with both the fact that Evie always tries to see the best in people, even when they’ve hurt her, and the fact that no matter how many horrible, traumatizing things have happened to her, Evie tries so desperately to hold onto the hope that it’ll eventually be okay

I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

I mean, this one honestly might be the most obvious? Her eating disorder. Going back to my last point, Evie doesn’t feel like she has the same natural magnetism or charisma as Serena and Blair. She doesn’t have the ability to make everyone fall in love with her with a smile (at least in her mind; Theo would beg to differ). She looks at her two older sisters who are just so stunning, at the way Blair always looks perfectly put together, at the way Serena can make being a mess look deliberate and desirable, and she feels like she always falls short in comparison, and she goes to dangerous lengths to try to achieve it.

Because I'm a mirrorball I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself Tonight

And woo okay then onto This Is Me Trying, be prepared for some Evie angst!

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

Okay so this sort of goes back to the last point I was making in Mirrorball, with how hard Evie tries to feel like she belongs in the UES, and more importantly how hard she tries to look like she belongs, and that while Evie was always the dreamer and the optimist, she’s starting to lose that as she gets older.

But quite frankly, this relates even more to Serena leaving. Before that, Evie was always the hopeful one — no matter how flakey Serena got, no matter how often she bailed on her siblings for Georgina and a party, Evie always held onto the hope that Serena still loved them and would still be their sister again, eventually. But then Serena left, without so much as a goodbye, and that dream shatters for Evie, and she gives up on that hope — and as you know, that plays a big role in her pre-canon breakdown, as does her inability to adjust to not having her sister around, however unreliable she might have been.

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that

Keeping with that last point, this is actually more Serena’s POV about Evie — with how she left things with them, especially with Evie (who she fought with just before meeting Georgina the night of the wedding), she really isn’t sure if Evie would actually want her to come back, and she really does regret the way everything happens (especially as she realizes that she really doesn’t fit into Evie’s family anymore)

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway

This is another bit that’s more about the vibes and images that it gives me than the specific vibe, but the first two lines here always give me the strong vibe of someone standing at the edge of a cliff or rooftop, trying to decide whether or not to jump, and that fits painfully well with Evie and how desperately she tried to hold on through everything that happened pre-canon, no matter how tempting it was to just give in and get away from it all.

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

Going back to Mirrorball, part of the tragedy of Evie Van Der Woodsen is just how hard she tries, at everything. She tries to fit in, she tries to be perfect, she tries to be okay, she tries to just keep pushing through every single bad thing that’s happened to her, even as she’s falling apart behind her mask.

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential

Again, there are really two meanings to this when it comes to Evie. First is just... Evie has a hell of a lot of issues, clearly, but people tend to be very dismissive of them. Once upon a time, Evie used to actually reach out for help, only to get met with “poor little rich girl” and being brushed off because her life seemed so perfect, what could she have to be upset about it? Eventually Evie starts to believe it too, and her own belief that she has no ‘real’ reason to be upset becomes a big part in her reaching her breaking point.

But also... There was a point when Evie tried to talk to Lily. She tried to tell her about how not okay she was, and tried to ask Lily for help, but Lily just dismissed her because she wasn’t willing to take responsibility for her own role in Evie’s issues. It became so consistent for a short period that eventually Evie found herself wondering if maybe she really was overreacting, which in turn led to her not asking anyone else for help or telling anyone else what was wrong — and unfortunately for Evie, this was such a pervasive element of her ongoing breakdown that ultimately no one would be able to help her with the rest of it without first helping her with this, and no one could help because she never told anyone else because she became convinced that she really was just being overly dramatic and sensitive

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that

I know I was just telling you about this (hence, I assume, this ask lmao) but like, this is very Evie. Evie is the nice one. Evie chooses to be the nice one. She could easily destroy basically anyone with a text or two to Gossip Girl, but she actively chooses not to, because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone else the way she’s been hurt. But when Evie does snap, she’s merciless. She throws Serena leaving them back in her face when Serena starts talking about how Lily would leave without saying goodbye, she tells Lily that she’s even worse at being a mother than she is at being a wife, she tells Bart that if he wants them to act like a family then he should learn to act like a father, she tells Dan that his complaints about the UES would hold more weight if he were’t so desperate for the advantages that come with it... hell, she gets Chuck off the ledge of the roof by going straight for the kill and reminding him that he promised he wouldn’t leave her — and then by throwing in a “but then again, I’m used to people breaking their promises.” And afterwards, she always regrets the things she says. She feels like just because they’re hurting her doesn’t mean she needs to hurt them back.

But the best example I have of this is with Jenny. In general, Evie does tend to lash out more at Jenny than at most other people, because Jenny hurts her more than most, but more specifically this goes back to what I was saying in Mirrorball about season 3. Evie holds her tongue as Jenny torments her, because she doesn’t want to cause problems between everyone else. But then Jenny goes after Eric and Jonathan, and Evie reaches that breaking point — and, well, Evie did learn from the best. She’s well aware of Eric’s plan to steal her cotillion date, and she helps with that, but more importantly she stops Nate from stepping in. She waits until the announcer has been informed that Nate will be escorting her and then asks Nate to talk and tells him what’s been going on with Jenny — Nate is furious on her behalf but also doesn’t want to leave Jenny without an escort, at which point Evie pulls out her phone to show him that Eric had just given her an all-clear, that Jenny’s turn had already gone. Later Evie feels bad for humiliating Jenny like that, but as much as she regrets it, her bigger regret is that she knows that if she had a second chance, she would do the exact same thing.

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Evie has always been the exception. No freshmen at the masquerade — except Evie. Ivy Week is for juniors — and Evie. Cotillion is for juniors — and Evie. So on, so forth. Because of their connections to the NJBC, and their parents, the twins and Theo have always been able to be ahead of the rest of their classmates. And most of the time Evie doesn’t mind it, she’d rather do all these things when she has Blair to help her. But then you get to things like the s3 cotillion and, even though her own was absolutely perfect, watching all of her classmates go through the preparation without her leaves her feeling hollow and disconnected.

(tbh, as far as I’ve been able to tell — though I might be wrong — you can be presented at more than one cotillion, so Evie might end up persuading Lily to let her register again, despite having done it two years ago, more for the connection to her peers than for the actual cotillion aspect)

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey

I mean this one feels like it might seem a bit obvious with regards to pouring her heart out to her therapist, but in all honesty, she never really did. What it really makes me think of is the scene in Poison Ivy, when Eric, Jenny, Theo, and Evie all talk, and Eric and Evie tell Jenny about the Ostroff Centre and everything. At this point, Jenny is still basically a stranger to them, but for some reason they both end up opening up to her all the same

And as for “but I didn’t pour the whiskey”, it’s actually a very important part of Evie’s story! Evie doesn’t drink anything harder than champagne — she’s seen Serena, she knows that Serena’s drinking is more of an addiction that she would ever admit, and she’s terrified of ending up like that, so she just doesn’t drink. Right up until Chuck disappears after Bart’s funeral — and when Eric is trying to explain to Chuck that they’re still his family and they still want/need him in their lives, the first thing he says to try to drive home his point is to tell Chuck that Evie has started drinking.

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying At least I'm trying

(already talked about this!)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound

This is honestly just an overall vibe for Evie! I don’t have a specific party in mind or anything (or I do but there are several — namely Jenny’s party, the opera, the housewarming, the masquerade, every thanksgiving, and like many more but I’ll leave it here for now) but Evie has a very hard time with being expected to go to these parties and be totally put together and play the perfect daughter even when she feels like she’s completely falling apart and just wants to curl up in bed for days

It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you

This also applies to a few different situations, both romantic and platonic! The first scene it made me think of was Jenny’s party, when Evie is still heartbroken over the breakup and then Jenny outs her and it’s just rough. But it also makes me think of the White Party and how Evie is feeling guilty over her crush on Theo because like, ex boyfriends are off limits, and feeling weird and uncomfortable with Eric having brought Jenny despite the fact that things between Evie and Jenny haven’t gotten better since Jenny outed her. Honestly though it also really makes me think of the opera in s2 but in a platonic sense, because Chuck is there and all Evie wants is to be able to talk to Chuck and really have her brother back, but Chuck is still holding her at arm’s length because of how guilty he’s feeling at this point for everything that’s happened since Bart’s funeral

You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town

This one gave me more White Party vibes, specifically with the moment that Evie sees Jenny and then Jenny saying hi, which is the first thing she’s actually said to her since the Outing Incident, and how hard it is for Evie because god she’s still so hurt and Jenny’s never even tried to apologize but then at the same time with Jenny there and Theo and Eric also there it’s too easy for her to feel like it was the beginning of Freshman year, when all four of them were the best of friends and almost a functional version of the NJBC and as much as Evie is still hurt and pissed she also just really misses the way things used to be, back even before any dating started within the group.

And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (Maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying At least I'm trying

(already talked about this!)

And anyways, there are my lyric breakdowns for Evie Van Der Woodsen, now I’m feeling all sad about her again

#lizziesxltzmxn #ask #answered #evie van der woodsen #about evie

4 notes · View notes

swiss-army-fangirl · 5 years

Note

DnD ask post, do odds for Morrigan and evens for Evelynn go

oh fuck u really want me to go all out huh. *cracks knuckles* ow

MORRIGAN

1. How many dead parents do they have?

one confirmed dead parent. one....potentially dead parent?

3. Biggest regret?

hmm. fuck. I’m not sure she has one? there’s been moments in her life that have definitely not been good but she’s been able to work with them and make them a learning opportunity.

5. If they could hang out with one famous person in 18th century American History, who would they want to hang out with?

Alexander Hamilton. They both don’t know when to shut their goddamn mouths and they’ll die bc of it.

7. What fictional character are they most like? Was this an intentional or accidental influence?

i didn’t realize this until later but she’s very much like roman from the sanders sides series, in that she’s really loud and stubborn and charismatic and fucking dumb as hell sometimes. but at the end of the day she has the best intentions.

9. What’s their dump stat?

strength. she had a negative modifier in it for two years.

11. What is their favorite anime?

Naruto bc of the meme potential [i don’t know jackshit about anime i’m so sorry. she probably watches shit with Byron]

13. If they can use magic, what’s their favorite spell?

vampiric touch. look she’s a nice girl but sometimes it’s fun to be bad.

15. Most despicable thing they have ever done?

my sweet tiefling has never done anything wrong in her fucking life.

17. What’s their favorite food?

leftover scones from fantasy starbucks that fantasy starbucks jim leaves for the haunting shadow that plagues him [it’s actually her but no one needs to know. maybe that’s the worst thing]

19. They have to go live on a deserted island. They can take one thing and one person. What do they take?

she brings xerox and a bottomless flask. yeehaw.

21. How did they become an adventurer?

a want to be like the heroes she grew up reading about. she almost got scared off of it but decided to keep going.

23. Thoughts on death?

honestly? she’s terrified of it. she’s had several brushes with it herself and it’s taken/nearly taken too many people she cares about. Not A Fan.

25. Favorite animal?

i could see her with some ferrets for some reason. she’d get a kick out of the fact that they’re like snakes, but fuzzy.

27. They’re at a tavern. They bump into a big burly angry drunk with a combative attitude. What happens?

she tries to throw hands and then gets knocked on her ass. then she remembers she has magic and uses that, and that tips the scales in her favor. she’s yelling the entire time.

29. Biggest positive and negative influences on their life and development?

positive: Hulda, her mother figure. taught her patience (she’s working on it) and that she has the potential for great things. also loves her a whole lot.

negative: her father. he abandoned the family when she was young, and after her mother’s passing, neither side of the family would take her in. he also killed one of her friends and traumatized the other two and her so...not quite Dad of the Year.

EVELYNN

2. How good are they at tongue twisters?

really good. intimidatingly good. you get like that when your brother only talks to you in them for weeks on end.

4. Are they formally trained or have they gone through a more organic learning experience for their skillset?

she taught herself necromancy (it was more like taming the potential that already existed), but she was taught hemomancy.

6. What’s their theme song?

“Another Way Out” by Hollywood Undead.

(bonus - the song for andra’lynn is “Amaryllis” by Shinedown)

8. Paper or plastic?

paper. it looks nicer.

10. What’s their best stat?

intelligence. what a fucking nerd.

12. What’s their favorite beverage?

on a good day? a warm cup of black tea. on a bad day? a warm cup of black tea with alcohol in it.

14. Most heroic thing they have ever done?

honestly? probably when she died in her trial of introspection. that took some serious guts that even she didn’t know she had.

16. Are they a hero or a supporting protagonist?

hero? i think? i plead the fifth.

18. Would they rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?

a hundred duck-sized horses. they’re no match for a good AOE spell.

20. Are they religious? If so, what god or gods do they serve?

i wrote on her D&D Beyond sheet “what is god” so no.

22. Most amazing monster they have ever killed or helped kill?

her and leviticaan had a cool ass encounter with a zombie in the tombs, and it wasn’t the monster itself, but the fact that she killed it and then dropped dead immediately after bc she was using a toxin made of her own blood. that was neat. (i really want this answer to be ‘alesis’ when we finish but don’t tell alex that)

24. Do they have any interesting skills?

she’s good with alchemy and sewing. she’s also good at dying.

26. Expansion of civilization or the preservation of nature?

nature is good but the expansion of civilization means more knowledge to be gathered and shared!

28. What do they do between quests?

she reads novels and pets her cat. also she sometimes writes letters to her family but she usually never ends up sending them bc it’s probably better they don’t know what she’s up to.

30. Would they smooch a ghost?

she would smooch One Ghost and his name is Quem Hotboi CItadel.

ahhhhhhhh this got so long but thank you for letting me yell into the void about my daughters i love them

#JESUS this is a long one #but....love yelling about my ocs sorry not sorry #long post #tori talks #lars-and-sadie-doyle

1 note · View note

thanksveryga · 5 years

Note

Rangers Apprentice OTP, brOTP, nOTP

oh dang thanks for the ask lol i went a bit overboard so there

otp #1 is will/alyss bc cmon

otp #2 is crowley/halt bc CMON. those are my emotional support dumbasses

otp #3 is halt/pauline bc……….. cuties…… also dumb smart people…..

the only reason i manage to ship halt with two people despite being Really one-track-minded is because pauline could InstaKill halt with literally one wrong look, but if crowley was telling halt what to do, he’d probably just flip him off and go run off to skandia again

also otp #4? baron arald & lady sandra. this one always (and i mean always) goes overlooked bc it’s one of the briefest shown ships in the books, but yknow what? it’s one of the sweetest relationships i’ve read about. those two genuinely love each other and have went through many years with each other’s support. they’re adorable. the wikia on baron arald literally says “he loves his wife, she balances him out” like…… that’s some really good side characters right there please use more of them in fics or will i have to

brotp #1 is gilan and will. and this isn’t just a brotp. hell no. those lads are actual soul brothers. they have long united against the common enemy of house chores and collectively dumped more pranks on poor halt and crowley’s shoulders than the number of years they’ve both lived, multiplied by four. they’re untouchable. Mischief Crime Kings. if you see them preparing a feat in the gathering, do not disturb the work unless you want to join the commander in chasing them into trees with a stick while egg yolks drip out of your hair.

brotp #2 is will and horace bc cmon

brotp #3 is will and evanlyn. idk. they always seemed Really Cool friends to me. i have a hc that evanlyn would ruffle will’s hair up and laugh when he tries to escape, kinda like an older sister would. too few non-ship fics with those two as well.

this one might be unconventional but brotp #4 is all the ranger horses. riders are optional. ever since i read first watch by teaandtumblr a few months ago where halt gets absolutely fucking merked by his own horse + his apprentice’s horse + his apprentice’s friend’s horse (who all team up and collectively glare at him about his Big Dad Energy), i have never gotten this one out of my head.

finally, i have few notps. like, i’m the type of person that’s cool with other people’s ships. jenny/gil? cute ship. i ship it. not enough for an otp, but i ship it. horace/evanlyn? also cute ship. never cared for it much, but they’re together so that’s cool. horace/will? not my style, but also cool. a lot of adorable art for those two. god, the art. we should appreciate artists more.

but god damn. god Damn. God Fucking Damn. if you walk up to me with ANYTHING resembling will/halt will personally replace your intestines with a cd of the emoji movie. i’m not gonna bold this one because it’s gonna give me nausea. i started reading one fic thinking it was my good ole dad/son relationship which is prob my favourite one in the whole series, and i was………. traumatized. absolutely dismayed. distraught. it physically hurt. biggest notp i’ve ever had. ever. i felt like i did shots of pure-brand soviet vodka mixed with some weak-ass ginger ale and there was some kind of solid rock resembling a protein shake also in there. it didn’t feel good, i wasn’t sure whether i was supposed to chew it or drink it and i had explosive diarrhea for three days afterwards. don’t @ me but like…… bruh. what led you to even think of this vile concoction of bullshit. please don’t ever do me like this again. ever. thanks

#rangers apprentice #ask

7 notes · View notes

wxldchxld · 5 years

Note

🔥 🔥 🔥

Unpopular Opinions as Told by Mary

🔥

Ummmm Daenerys’ dragons look really fuckin stupid. Yeah. Sorry. This one isn’t going to be super in depth or really even justified by any arguments. I respect the Game of Thrones developers for going for it, and like the execution of it graphics wise is actually really impressive given its a TV show and all, but the model is so bad. Did GRRM make it? I really fucking hope not. From a distance when I see them in shots I’m like “yo cool” and then I see their faces and they look so stupid to me and it just ruins it. I’m really picky about dragons so this probably doesn’t come as a surprise.

Also side rant, why is it so popular to give dragons a weird bottom jaw where it like, protrudes. They did it with Smaug and to a lesser extent they do it with Dany’s dragons. What the fuck is that modeled after? It’s not a snake. It’s not crocodilians. The only thing I can think is maybe some species of monitor lizards? And I’m only granting that bc I really don’t know due to the fact that there are a lot of monitor lizard species. Including this dope one that I’ve modeled dragons after on my dragon blog.

I guess what drives me nuts is like I feel like there’s no originality in the design. I haven’t read Dany’s parts in the books but from what I have been told at least the coloration is more intense. There are so many species of reptiles, real and extinct, that they could have pulled from to make something that looked really cool…but they didn’t.

🔥

The words “alpha wolf” need to die in a fire. And I’m not trying to come at some of the people I know follow me that use that term. It’s just become this really huge thing that infects so much of lore that has to do with modern day werewolves (such as in The Originals) and even bleeds over into things like the Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire fandom and just about anywhere you see wolves you eventually hear the term alpha.

The term in and of itself is annoying because it’s not a thing that exists. Wolves don’t live in a pack where they just automatically submit to the strongest wolf, nor do they live in social structures that cause them to battle with one another to see who is on top. Wolves live in family groups usually run by the breeding pair and the offspring of the last few years. The only reason we ever really thought that “alpha wolf” was a thing was because a couple of researchers massively popularized its usage after studying primarily (in fact I think it was exclusively) captive wolf packs where individuals were brought in from various places in the world and forced to live together. And while I’m not saying that all studies should be thrown out if they’re done on captive bred wolves, I think it’s poor practice to say “this is how all wolves are” when you haven’t taken into consideration what natural family groups do.

So it’s annoying, because it’s not a thing, but it’s also—-really boring to me. We miss the fact that these incredible animals have evolved to have things like a sense of fairness and the ability to cooperate, but the thing that we focus on is that “this is the alpha and its very important to them.” Family is important to them. I’d love to see more media that involved wolves that represented not only how their family groups actually work, but also didn’t make that such a central point for their plots.

I’m not going to go into uses of the term outside of fiction or address the A/B/O fanfiction. My point is that I personally as a reader find it overused and boring. I understand that since its fiction, there will be inaccuracies in order to fit your narrative. Hell, I have some with Beck and the animals that pop up on this blog. My problem isn’t the inaccuracy alone, it’s the inaccuracy being used to beat a long dead horse (and occasionally as a method of god modding but—I won’t go further into that either).

🔥

And since I’m just going all in on the GoT shit tonight (sorry guys) Also this is going to make an already very long post massive, and I’m sorry.

… Yara Greyjoy is actually a good character and her book counterpart isn’t nicer nor is she just “better” for some vague undefined reason. She’s not a perfect character, she’s not a necessarily nice person, but Yara Greyjoy is arguably one of the better characters on the show IMO and I wish that she would have gotten way more screen time than she really did.

The worst part of this weird like #notmyAsha argument (and I’ve seen that tag used before it was hilarious) is that people complain that she’s not nice to Theon and that because she either doesn’t have or cannot convey compassion and empathy regarding his trauma, that it’s somehow a valid plot point for her to be tortured so they can bond over mutual trauma. This is gross and I hate it.

Full disclosure Theon Greyjoy is one of my favorite characters in show and book canon, but he is kind of a garbage human being and I love him in spite and often because of that. Now onto our feature presentation:

Yara Greyjoy doesn’t owe her brother shit. Not even a little. She has zero reason to do anything other than perceive him as unstable and a threat to the position she hopes to claim. Don’t complain to me about how mean Yara is to Theon while simultaneously ignoring the fact that he only stopped treating her like garbage once he’d been horribly traumatized. He was TEN when he was taken from the Iron Islands, and she was older than him and he—didn’t recognize her. So yeah she manipulates him, but he could have very easily put a stop to it if he remembered her or if he just wasn’t such a horny prick in general. He tries to demean her in front of their father, insults her, and shouts at her. Not saying she didn’t deserve it, but you can’t exactly paint him as the saint in the situation either.

I could go on with a million reasons Yara is actually a lot nicer to Theon in the show than the books, and why she’s not obligated to do anything for him at all, but I’d be here for hours.

What bothers me is the conclusion that because Yara has been mean to him that she somehow deserves to be punished by being tortured or that she needs to be tortured in order to ever like understand her brother. Both of those things are like the craziest logic in the world to me.

First off: no. Yara tried to save Theon. It’s not Yara’s fault he got in that situation, it’s his own, and she tried to rescue him. Then she allowed him back into her home at a critical time, and rather than being ashamed of him for being “weak” she brings him with her to political meetings and presents him as what is essentially her version of a “hand.”

Second: y’all that’s not how mental health works. Theon’s not ok, and if they write him as ok they’re bad writers. You don’t get over trauma that fast. Especially not because of like one conversation you had with your sister while she made out with a topless hooker in a brothel, and a fight on the beech where you got kneed in the balls you don’t have. Theon is still traumatized and he deserves a plot where his sister learns to see that, acknowledge it, and try to understand him. You don’t throw two traumatized people together and just say “well they have both been horrifically abused… they understand one another.” and then things get better. If anything those people are more likely to be self destructive and dangerous because neither of them are in a good place mentally to make sound and rational decisions.

So yeah, the point I was trying to make but got really distracted from because I’m very salty about all the Yara hate I see is that she’s actually a good character in comparison to the others in the show and it’s not ok to wish she would be tortured just for the sake of making Theon ok bc a) that won’t work and b) for the millions time: it’s gross.

#ooc #agentharrisonofshield

3 notes · View notes

anbu-legacy · 7 years

Text

SCIENCE

@kaminoko-x: (not an ask so I can link stuff) I was rereading through character asks because I finished Hard Came the Rain (there was much fluff induced screaming) and was hungry for more ANBU Legacy things (as usual). Ended up giggling about this x. As someone who worked with kids for a part time job, I just really appreciated Ogata’s insane level of kid wrangling, she is a master and a queen and I would like to be her someday (don’t we all).

I also found this x and then went on a giant squeeing spree about world building and science in ANBU Legacy because biochem is my uni major and I’m a nerd. SCIIEEENNNCE

Like, to my knowledge and googling, sarin isn’t a naturally occurring chemical species so Konoha has to have chemical and biochemical analysis, synthesis, and purification techniques to produce it. And people to research what exactly sarin does biochemically (bc Genma’s commentary indicates they probably do know exactly how it works) and streamline production methods so it could be used enough that it’s well known among ninja/medical profession as a useful potent poison. HOW BIG IS KONOHA’S SCIENCE RESEARCH DIVISION AND WHO GETS TO BE IN IT. ARE THERE ANY CIVILIANS. ARE THERE ANY NINJA-SCIENTISTS (other than Orochimaru, but does his stuff even count as actual science if it’s not peer reviewed), IS THAT A THING

Genma’s comment about using a less potent organophosphate shows his chemical and biochemical theory is at least irl uni level- I’m like 99% sure it’s from med-nin training. But it does make me wonder if you’d have science classes available if you aren’t headed into medicine. Are there basic science classes at the Academy? How far in theory do they go? What about post-academy, are they available like officer classes? Would you have to pay for them, are there any pre-reqs? I have so many questions.

It’s not at all the first time there have been sciencey worldbuilding details in ANBU Legacy. There’s been a ton of medical details in particular, and anaesthetics and drugs and soldier pills are a thing. And that one village medic had salve from the war described as good for chemical burns in Suffering Fools and Kakashi mentions gas as part of the war in Worth the Pain, so chemical weapon development is a thing too (is that how sarin was developed?). Idk this one just particularly caught my eye and set me off ahahhaa

——

When we got this, Ki and DK both said, “This is yours to answer, Nezu.” Probably because I’m 90% the one who throws overly detailed science and medicine into our worldbuilding. And I have been sitting on answering this for approximately ever, not because I didn’t want to, but because I wanted to do it RIGHT and then pretty much paralyzed myself into inaction. But that’s no way to honor what might be my favorite ask EVER. So, @kaminoko-x and any other science nerds in our tiny fandom, here goes…

Disclaimer #1: Answers to character asks aren’t canon. It’s possible that I overstepped in choosing sarin as my example, and should have chosen a more easily synthesized neurotoxin like strychnine.

Disclaimer #2: I’m an avid student of medicine and science, and a skilled researcher, but I’m not a medical professional and I don’t have a science degree. I made a left-hand turn partway through university and transferred from a science program to a theatre program. And then worked for many years in user experience design for computer software. But if I had both infinite lifetimes and health, I’d totally be a scientist in several different fields. And a doctor and a veterinarian. And of course, a writer.

BUT ANYWAY… Let’s get to it!

The world that Kishimoto handed us is full of contradictions that we writers do a lot of contortions to make work. They have computers, which implies plastics, semi-conductors, microchips, clean rooms, micro-machining, and a whole lot of basic chemistry and physics. They have video cameras and CCTV. And they have chakra that can cause explosions, create water dragons, and heal what ought to be life-ending traumatic chest injuries using the patient’s hair. They notably don’t have gunpowder or projectile weapons, which real Japan had in the 1500s. They go everywhere on foot because who ever heard of the wheel or horses, let alone an internal combustion engine? Except wait, don’t they have trains? And wasn’t that a motorboat they took to get to the Land of Waves in Naruto’s first big mission? Yeah, so there’s that.

So here’s OUR canon: they DO have technology and scientific research. And they do have a basic understanding of a lot of the science we have. Even if we gave them only pre-industrial-revolution tech, they’d be able to do sophisticated chemistry, and as we’ve already seen, they have much more modern tech than that.

Continuing education for ninja is for all ninja, not just ANBU and not just officers. It’s a requirement, whether it be classes in practical skills like map-reading, sword combat, cryptography, field use of poisons, first aid, etc, or academic studies like history, literature, medicine, poison synthesis, engineering, and other less obviously ninja-y skills. the more academically inclined can take classes above and beyond the requirements. And those looking to specialize, like Ryouma taking medical training, obviously have a whole series of classes tailored to those specialties.

So yes, Academy kids do get science classes, although they are probably couched in ninja terms. It’s not physics, it’s calculating the trajectory of your arrow. It’s not biochemistry, it’s synthesizing ricin from castor beans. Even if they only go as far as elementary education, they’d have to have some basic math literacy.

There also has to be an army of civilian workers who do things like keep the power plants running, dispose of the garbage, grow the crops and raise the livestock, slaughter and butcher the meat, weave and dye the fabric, etc. And an associated army of merchants and traders, bankers and investors, restaurant workers and chefs, and all the other people who make a society function. And some of those people have to have scientific and engineering knowledge, or there wouldn’t be television for Naruto to watch Captain Seaweed on.

I’ve always believed there are peer-reviewed journals and academic institutions in this world. Konoha isn’t a university town, but that doesn’t mean there are no universities in Fire Country or any of the other countries. And our ninja would have access to at least some of those journals, etc.

There are definitely chemical weapons, and probably biological ones as well, if even only the crudest, medieval forms, like throwing diseased corpses into a city’s water supply. (Human history is appalling.) And there is not gunpowder. Maybe development in that line is actively suppressed. Or maybe there’s some reason that it doesn’t work, because chakra. Either way, ninja wouldn’t want civilians getting their hands on weapons that could take down the ninja’s position of absolute military supremacy.

Ninja scientists absolutely do research and development. That’s how soldier pills came about and continue to be refined and improved. That’s how new poisons and chemical weapons come about. And you bet your sweet ass the ninja want to keep control of that research and development. Just like the military runs weapons research in our world.

Sarin, in particular, was probably too modern an example, though. I should have gone with strychnine or curare or some other neurotoxin that has been known and used for centuries. But sarin is the ultimate organophosphate poison, and I’m a giant nerd who researched organophosphate poisoning for my very first ever fic (which is embarrassingly bad to my much-improved writer eyes), and it’s a great class of poison for storytelling. Plus it’s believable in the semi-tech world of Naruto. Also I have an illness that is caused by a neuromuscular junction dysfunction, and the medication I take for it, pyridostigmine, acts a lot like a weak organophosphate poison, and would make a person without my disease quite unhappy.

Um… I feel I may have wandered into the weeds a little. The point being, yes, there is science and technology in our world. Yes, Academy students get a basic science education. Yes, there is continuing education, and there are both ninja and civilian researchers. And yes, I would love to sit down with you and talk about your many questions, Worldbuilding is my one of my favorite things, and so is science and medicine.

But of course my REAL favorite thing is thoughtful, engaged readers who ask fantastic questions.

<3 and SCIENCE, Nezu

ps: I completely agree, Ogata is a paragon. Ki’s AMAZING at writing kids and their minders.

#submission #kaminoko-x #asks #science #anbu legacy #nezu #is a big nerd #worldbuilding

18 notes · View notes