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therisingdarkness · 10 months

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5 Times Ghoul Left the Bar Alone, and One Time He Didn’t

Written for @cloned-eyes and for Ghoul, and for me and Odessa. This took forever, but I’m patient and a stickler so it is what it is. I had to divide it into parts ‘cause it was getting to be entirely too long. Another 40+ pages of entertainment, so I hope you all enjoy. Tagging @passionofthesith 'cause they were bold enough to ask for it lol.

Uhhh, there’s smut in this one and there’s gonna be smut in the next one too, so don’t get caught reading it if you’re not supposed to be. I’m not your mom.

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6 (Part 1 of 2)

“Can I get another malt over here?”

“You were cut off half an hour ago, Orion, have some class an’ take it back to base, yeah?”

“Damn, you’re mean. Odiiiie….”

“Don’t even think about it, she’s wise to your ways too.”

The clone trooper pouted and dropped his head down into his crossed arms, almost knocking one of the many glasses he’d emptied to the floor. Magda caught it expertly before it could fall off the counter and began loading up the sink with more dirty dishes, neverending as they were. Outside, thunder rumbled overhead, loud enough that some of the glass bottles shook with the reverberations, gently clinking against one another like little bells.

The bar was quiet so late at night, when most of the regulars had already been driven off after their supply had been cut off; at that point, most of them were hardly capable of lifting another glass without spilling it everywhere, let alone manage to drink it down. Their usual patrons were pretty good about knowing when their time had come and they’d slouch off good-naturedly without having to be told, leaving behind a collection of empty glasses and, if they felt the service warranted it, a sizable tip.

Orion wasn’t usually one of the ones who needed a little extra convincing in order to leave, but his squad had abandoned him to the bar early on, right before the rain started to come down in sheets. The weather had been like that all day, forcing more and more people indoors until the bar had been packed to the walls with passerbys just trying to keep themselves dry. Rain was good for business, usually, a fact that Odessa had taken advantage of as she teased and lured new faces closer to the bar, urging them to relax and take a drink or two while they waited for the rain to let up.

Now there were only a few customers left, Orion included. All of the empty tables had been wiped down and the floors underneath swept clear. Some chairs were already stacked against the walls and the smaller tables had been clustered into groups for easier cleaning. Between Odessa and Magda, the three stragglers nursing their last drinks were easy enough to handle and they didn’t mind staying late a couple extra hours to see them off.

“Odie…,” Orion whined, looking up from his arms, “c’mon, just one more? I promise it’ll be my last.”

“You had your last already,” Odessa said sweetly, leaning over the counter to ruffle his curly hair. “Come now, I will call you a transport if you cannot find your way back. Where did your unit go?”

Orion shrugged and folded in on himself again, his morose expression just a tad bit defiant in the way he made no move toward getting off his stool. Odessa sighed and decided she’d let Magda handle it when the time came to lock the doors. Perhaps she was too soft with them, but the day had dragged on for longer than normal and she didn’t have the energy to act tough. Right now, all she was looking forward to was returning to her little apartment and taking a long, indulgent shower before dropping into bed and passing out.

“You look dead on your feet kiddo,” Magda said as Odessa joined her by the sink to help dry the freshly cleaned dishware. “Everything alright?”

“It is nothing,” Odessa sighed as she stacked the rinsed tumblers on a tray to be run through the sanitizer. “Just a long shift I am ready to be over.”

“You have the next couple days off,” Magda said, soaked up to her elbows in the sink as she furiously scrubbed dried food off one of the small plates they used for bar snacks. “I hope you take serious advantage of it. Seems like you’ve been working yourself to the bone these past couple weeks.”

Odessa frowned even though it was the truth. She had worked everyday the past two weeks, and that wasn’t including the shifts she pulled at Rollo’s, or the mountains of work she took home from the refugee center (mostly going over paperwork and ensuring all the boxes were ticked and the correct forms were filled out). It felt like every spare minute she had was already accounted for in some way, to the point where the only time she wasn’t working, she spent it sleeping. Eating was a luxury that she didn't bother indulging in unless it was a few spare moments spent scarfing down something fresh and hot purchased from a street vendor or guiltily sneaking a snack from 79's own stash.

Maybe it showed on her face more than she would have liked—the sleep she was getting wasn’t the best. Most of her nights she spent tossing and turning until the sun came up; other times she woke violently, gasping for air, her heart pounding in her chest, and tears on her cheeks but no memory of what nightmare plagued her. Sometimes…sometimes she swore she heard the ghostly whisper of her mother’s last words to her, begging her to stay quiet, stay hidden. It was easiest to blame her lack of sleep on bad memories, so she did that now, shaking her head and lekku around until she felt some of the tension ease off her shoulders.

“I just do not like staying home all the time,” Odessa said. “If I am working, at least I am not being bored.”

“Uh-huh,” Magda said, sounding unconvinced. “I think I’d prefer to be bored. You don’t wanna end up slaving your life away while you’re still young. You should get out there, explore the world and make some friends.”

“Maybe.”

Magda tilted her head, her eyebrows arched like she was about to lay down a scolding. She was a shrewd woman at heart—nothing slipped past her notice and even though she had claimed many times before not to care about the private lives of the other girls, her actions told a different story. It wasn’t nosiness…but she had a clever way of pulling information out of the girls they might not have otherwise divulged. It was motherly, sort of, in a charming and annoying kind of way. Odessa felt Magda’s eyes boring holes into the side of her head and scrunched up her nose as she prepared herself for the inevitable.

“What?” she asked.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Magda wheedled, gently bumping their hips together. “Picking up all these extra shifts, actin’ all avoidant…seems like you’re not yourself lately.

“I am not avoidant,” Odessa protested. “I am just needing to be busy. I have bills to pay the same as anyone. Wishful thinking does not make the expenses go away.”

“You sure? No one’s been botherin’ you at all? Things good with your dad?”

She tensed up at the mention of her father. Silais was a difficult man to get a hold of when he wasn’t in a bad mood, and she admittedly hadn’t tried to contact him since their last disastrous conversation. Her final words to him were overly harsh, she knew that, but still couldn’t bring herself to try and mend the rift. Maybe she was tired of always being the one to take the first step. It was no matter—another bridge to cross when the time came.

“I am fine,” Odessa said, perhaps a little too firmly. There was nothing to talk about. She didn’t have anything to say. Why was it when she actually wanted to be quiet and reflective that everyone around her suddenly decided there must be something wrong?

“Hey, can I get another malt?” Orion asked, picking his head up again, as though he had forgotten being denied only moments earlier.

“No,” Odessa snapped. “There is no more. We ran out. You need to go home, Orion.”

He flinched as though she had reached out and slapped him across the face. Even drunk, his eyes held a hurt that told her she had actually managed to wound him. She hated the way he pouted, the way his lower lip stuck out just a bit more than the top. He was like a little child who was about to throw a fit because he didn’t get what he wanted…and she would do anything to keep him from looking at her like she had just pulled a trigger on him. Guilt washed over her as she started searching around for a clean glass. One more couldn’t hurt, could it?

Odessa was aware of Magda’s hawklike gaze on her the entire time she poured a half glass of malt, going against every policy they had as she set it in front of Orion and leaned over the counter to ruffle his hair again. He seemed to like the touch and blinked sleepily, leaning into her hand a bit, which only made her feel worse about snapping.

“Do you want me to call one of your brothers?” she asked softly. “I can ask him to come get you, so you are not alone. Would that be good?”

“No,” Orion said, tracing the rim of his glass. “I’d just get yelled at. They always tell me I’m a lightweight anyway. Guess I am.”

Odessa sighed and watched him down the malt in one giant gulp, his throat working as he swallowed faster than he should’ve. She’d have to call him a transport either way; letting him wander off in his state would be irresponsible at best.

“Someone’s in a forgiving mood,” Magda observed as Odessa resumed her spot beside the sink, absentmindedly fingering the damp towel. “I remember a time you wouldn’t have tolerated that kark. All the pretty brown eyes in the world couldn’t sway you.”

“Perhaps I am losing my touch,” she admitted. “Like you said, I am tired today. I just need to go home and rest.”

The door chimed and Odessa whipped her head up so fast she caught a painful crick in her neck, only to catch the backs of two more patrons leaving the bar to beat the rain. Disappointment coursed through her…but she should have known better. It had only been a couple weeks, and his deployments usually lasted much longer. Foolish, for her to hope. Silly, for her to keep looking for him even though she knew the odds were against her.

“I think it might be a bit more than that,” Magda said, handing over another plate with a knowing look. “You haven’t been right since the last time Tall, Dark, and Brooding was in.”

Odessa froze, clutching her towel close in both hands. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest and her lekku twitched in an involuntary way that would have been a telltale sign to anyone who actually understood what the subtle movements meant. Magda impatiently waved the plate in front of her, sending water droplets flying everywhere until Odessa managed to get a hold of herself.

“Mmm,” Magda hummed as she furiously dried off the dishware, “looks like I guessed right.”

“I have been fine,” Odessa insisted, hoping her voice didn’t sound as strained as it felt. “It is not like I am…always looking for one particular customer…coming or going. I do not play favorites.”

“I don’t know who you’re tryin’ to fool here…but it’s not me. Odie, sweetie, you’re a nice girl, but you’re like an unlocked datapad. Anyone with eyes know you’re soft on that one.”

That one, like he didn’t have a name. Though she knew Magda didn’t mean anything by it, Odessa found herself suddenly bristling with irritation. The words she wanted to snap died on her tongue when she forcibly reminded herself that no one was as sensitive as she was to the subject of clones and respecting their chosen names, as well as the fact that Ghoul had never bothered to get to know any of the other bartenders the way he had with her. She was certain Rumi and the others didn’t remember half of the names they were told anyway, even among their non-clone regulars.

She took a deep breath and pushed aside her annoyance, continuing to stack the dried dishes on the tray as neatly as she could.

“I haven’t seen him around lately,” Magda kept on, having no idea how close she had come to receiving the thin edge of Odessa’s sharp little temper. “Have you heard from him at all?”

“Yes,” Odessa said, giving up trying to maintain her pretense of ignorance. “He’s been deployed again.”

“That’s a shame. Those poor boys can’t seem to catch a break.”

It was a shame. The war had summoned Ghoul back to the frontlines the day after their trip to the refugee center—which she tried not to think too much about—and Odessa never would have known about it if he hadn’t sent her a comm. She hadn’t expected him to contact her at all, but the notification had hit her commlink in the early hours of the morning, before the sun had the chance to breach the horizon, waking her out of a deep sleep.

Back on deployment, the terse message had read. Timeline unknown. Can’t say where.

It wasn’t long or especially detailed, but Ghoul had warned her there would be things he might not be able to tell her and she held no disillusions that she was somehow an exception to the rules by which he had to abide. She was thankful he had remembered and kept his word, thankful that she had meant enough to him to warrant the message in the first place.

Thank you, she had eventually typed back, after a few moments of deliberation. Stay safe. Drinks on me when you return.

And so she had waited, every day for the past two weeks, picking up all the extra shifts she could just in case Ghoul got back and decided to wander over to 79’s on the off chance that she’d be there. It was a silly thought—almost romantic the way she kept glancing up at the door every time it opened, a flutter in her stomach when another clone entered, her eyes immediately tracking the familiar shape of their nose and the thick lines of their eyebrows. The similarities ended there, however, and time and time again she found herself disappointed when the clone in question wasn’t her clone.

“What’s his name again?” Magda asked, breaking Odessa out of her reverie and making her jump. She realized there were three more dripping glasses placed upside down on the counter and she hurried to catch up, drying as fast as she could while Magda continued on at her usual, unhurried pace.

“Ghoul,” Odessa said, wishing the sound of his name didn’t make her heart race so painfully. “It is what he has chosen for himself.”

“A bit morbid, isn’t it? Though I guess it’s pretty fitting, all things considered…you ever ask him about what happened?”

“No,” she said softly, “He is…very private. And it is none of my business.”

“Smart girl,” Magda said warmly. “That’s what I like about you, y’know? You really give a damn about how these clones feel. You had me a bit worried when you first started, but I think you make it work for you.”

“What do you mean? Have I done something wrong?”

“No, not like that—I mean, you’re a nice girl. Too nice sometimes. I honestly thought you were gonna let them walk all over you, but you know how to hold your ground, and you respect them…I think they realize that. It’s what makes you so good at your job.”

“I am only treating them how anyone should be treated,” Odessa mumbled, her face lighting up under one of Magda’s rarely given compliments. “It is just common sense decency.”

“Maybe so, but somethin’ tells me that’s not the kind of treatment a lot of them are used to.”

That much was obvious. Odessa witnessed it everyday whenever a few clones walked in, shinies in tow who had never set foot in a bar, never seen anyone outside the men in their unit or their superior officers, never even seen someone from a different species, and the way they all looked the moment she showed them an ounce of kindness, whether by asking for their names or bringing them whatever drinks they ordered, was enough to inspire the sort of righteous anger that fueled protests outside the Senate buildings.

Clones didn’t expect to be treated like people, let alone individuals. Odessa wished she better understood them…but she suspected that understanding would be accompanied by a heartbreak she wasn’t sure she could stomach.

“Then I will make sure they know how they deserve to be treated,” she said. “It is the least I can do.”

“You do more than enough,” Magda said, nodding toward Orion, who looked like he was seconds away from falling asleep at the counter. “But don’t think I don’t notice how sweet you are on Ghoul. Rumi says he doesn’t even like the other girls taking his order.”

Odessa felt her blush return with a vengeance, creeping down her neck and spreading over her lekku so fiercely that one didn’t have to be skilled in any language to know what it meant. Magda chuckled beside her and she knew there was no sense in denying anything.

“I already know what he likes,” she said, trying to explain Ghoul’s rude mannerisms like it would somehow help his image. “I just bring it to him before he has a chance to say anything.”

“You mean you’ve memorized his favorite drink,” Magda laughed. “Girl, you’re a mess for him. I heard you also went on a date?”

“It was not a date,” Odessa said breathlessly, her lekku curling happily as she recalled the shooting range. “He was just…giving me lessons on how to shoot a blaster, since I am not having any before. My father would not teach me, so—”

“That sounds like a date to me.”

“Well…it was not a date. But I did…I kissed him after he insisted on walking me home.”

Magda stopped what she was doing and leaned both hands against the edge of the sink, turning her black eyes to Odessa who stood there fidgeting happily, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. The look on her face said a couple things, but her eyes dropped to Odessa’s mouth and she knew Magda was wondering how in the world she kissed someone missing half his face. She was too wise to give voice to the thought, however, and just ended up shaking her head.

“I wish you could see the way you look right now,” Magda sighed. “‘Lovedrunk’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“I am not.”

“Ooohhh, I think you are. I know that look—I’ve had it plenty of times myself. You’ve got a mean crush.”

She wanted to hide. She wanted to curl in on herself and die—not from shame, because she could never be ashamed of Ghoul or of being associated with him. No, it must’ve been so obvious, the way she liked him, if everyone else could tell. If Magda knew, then that meant that everyone else knew, and if everyone else knew, then it was probably common knowledge among their regulars, too. A slow smile took hold of her lips; she couldn’t bite down fast enough to keep it from spreading. Her cheeks ached with the effort of holding it back, so she stopped trying and gave Magda a helpless sort of look.

“I like him,” she admitted, and saying the words out loud to someone else felt like breaking free of a prison she had stuck herself in; she was the jailer, she held the key, but she didn’t even know why she had bothered to lock that part of herself away in the first place.

“I think I could tell,” Magda said, playfully splashing her with soapy water. “I’m guessing he knows, if you kissed him already.”

“Well…he did not say anything about it. I am not sure what he thinks.”

“You should ask him. I’ll bet a mountain of credits he’s just as into you as you are into him.”

Odessa shook her head, setting the last tumbler on the tray and hopping to sit up on the counter. She hadn’t stopped wondering about what he thought about the kiss ever since it happened. The refugee center had been her last chance to ask about it, but after seeing Ghoul through his PTSD episode she couldn’t bring herself to ruin the mood. In that moment, when he had been at his most vulnerable, the most fragile she had ever seen him, it had been more important to support him than chasing after her own selfish desires. She didn’t regret it one bit, even if her imagination kept running wild with what-if scenarios that probably had something to do with her lack of proper sleep.

“I am not sure I want to know,” Odessa admitted, kicking her feet a bit. “What if he is thinking it was not so good? I have only kissed a few people before, but it was very easy for me to be telling how much they liked it. I do not think I am bad at it, either.”

“You probably caught him off guard. I don’t know if you know, but clones don’t get out much, and a lot of them don’t even make it back to Coruscant for leave time. Maybe he’s just inexperienced.”

That was always a possibility, though one Odessa had never considered. She thought about it now, casting her memory back to the way Ghoul had all but frozen when she touched his cheek and stood up on her toes to kiss him, the way he had tensed in a way she could feel through the sudden tightening of his prosthetic jaw. She had thought it was just nerves, but maybe it had been something else.

“Should I ask him?” she wondered aloud. “I like him so much…but I do not want to come across as…pushy. If he does not feel the same way I simply want to know.”

“It can’t hurt,” Magda said, thwipping a towel over her shoulder and slipping her hands into the back pockets of her pants. “He’s pretty quiet—maybe he’s too shy to say anything. Who knows, maybe he thinks it was a one time deal.”

“That is ridiculous. Obviously I would kiss him again.”

“Maybe you should try that instead.”

“Odiiiieee.”

Odessa hung her head and slipped off the counter with a groan, heading back over to where Orion had shaken himself awake again. It was about time to call that transport, whether he liked it or not. Most drivers knew what to do with drunk clones, and she had called enough times that the company usually sent specific ones to help haul the inebriated out of the bar and into the back seat of their skiffs. Orion might complain, but in the end he’d have no choice but to go.

“I have already been lenient with you,” Odessa said as she picked up the empty glass from Orion’s limp hand. “No more drinks tonight. You will go back to base and sleep this off, and when you are sober you may come again and drink to your heart’s content once more. But not tonight.”

“You’re mean too,” Orion grumbled as he swayed in place atop his stool. For a moment she thought he was going to fall off, but his elbows found the edge of the counter and he slumped over again, mumbling beneath his breath.

“I am calling you a ride,” Odessa warned him, but he didn’t seem to hear her. Maybe he did and was purposely ignoring her—it wouldn’t be the first time.

Overhead the skies rumbled again and the gentle patter of rain began to fall. She had left her umbrella at home by accident and didn’t have the credits to spare for a transport; it wasn’t a long walk to her apartment, but she was sure she’d be soaked by the time she made it back. Resigning herself to an uncomfortable journey home, Odessa dropped Orion’s cup off at the sink and then made her way to the back office to make another call to the transport company. The door chimed again and this time she steeled herself, didn’t bother turning around because what was the point? Whether it was someone coming or going, it didn’t matter if it wasn’t him.

“Odie!” Magda said in a fierce whisper, slamming both hands down on her shoulders so fast she yelped. “I’ll take care of the call. You hang out here and just…do your thing. Look cute. Serve drinks.”

“It is far past last call,” Odessa grumbled. “There are no drinks to be serving.”

“Oh, I think you’ll bend the rules for this one too.”

Confused, Odessa let Magda turn her around and stood rooted to the spot as the older woman licked her thumb and ran it over both her eyebrows, smoothing them down. She gave her a once over and then beamed at her, the rounds of her cheeks practically glowing with satisfaction.

“Be nice to our last customer of the day,” she said, then disappeared into the back room with a quickness that belied her age.

“I am not serving more drinks,” Odessa muttered to herself as she turned back to the bar, scanning the empty seats to see if one of them had been filled, but there was only Orion. For a moment she thought she must have been hearing things, and that Magda was pulling a prank or something. The door must have chimed though, she heard the notification so clearly and she had been listening for it so often these past few weeks she knew what it sounded like. It couldn’t have been her imagination.

Just when she was about to chalk it all up to a lack of sleep finally driving her over the edge of crazy, Odessa heard a noise like someone clearing their throat, or trying to, followed by a sharp tapping on the counter. She turned around a little too quickly, not trusting the way her heart immediately ran up to stick in her throat, but there, at his usual stool at the very end of the counter against the wall, stood Ghoul.

He held his helmet under his arm and seemed to be out of breath from the way his chest heaved, and water streaked his armor like he had just ran all the way there from the military base. He was handsome, so handsome it was almost unfair and he looked at her with an expression she had never seen him wear before—it was almost like…almost like relief. Odessa didn’t even try to restrain her lekku from twitching, the ends curling upward, back and forth like a pleased tooka.

“Is it too late for a drink?” Ghoul asked, tapping the counter again, the sound of his raspy voice causing a smile to break out across her face.

“No,” she managed to say without her voice cracking, “not for you, never.”

Magda had been right—she didn’t mind breaking the rules if Ghoul was somehow involved, and as he sat down and made himself comfortable she hurriedly grabbed a clean glass and the nearly empty bottle of Catsblood from the shelf. There wasn’t enough left to overpour, as she tended to do for him, but she emptied the bottle anyway. She could scarcely stop her hand from shaking, but she was too excited. The sight of him had all but stolen her breath away, her entire body buzzing with the sudden rush of adrenaline that made her feel like she could do anything.

There were a hundred different things she wanted to say to him, questions she wanted to ask just for the sake of knowing him more intimately, but her mouth felt strangely dry when she thought about giving voice to any of them. He had returned to Coruscant and, apparently, came straight to 79’s, but she didn’t know how to take it. Was it really to see her…or did he just want a drink to unwind after another stressful mission? Odessa thought that maybe she was overthinking things…but the alternative, considering that he actually might…think of her the way she thought of him, and feel the same way she felt…it was almost too much.

“Catsblood,” Odessa announced as she set the drink in front of him, though it wasn’t necessary to do so. “Warm, the way you like it.”

Ghoul huffed and she swore she could see the edges of his scarred upper lip twist as though he were attempting a smile. Her heart turned over in her chest at the sight and she longed to kiss him again, to welcome him back properly, the way he deserved. The only thing keeping her from making such a rash decision was the fact that she was still on the clock and there were at least two other sets of eyes that might see such an act of indiscretion.

“It’s late,” Ghoul said, swirling the Catsblood around before taking a sip. “I’m not messin’ you up, am I? You’re probably trying to close down.”

“It is fine,” Odessa said immediately. “We always stay open for some of our regulars who work late. You are not bothering anyone.”

He looked relieved at that and quickly took another sip, until only a third of the drink remained. Odessa noticed he was drinking faster than he normally did; she had seen him nurse a single glass for a solid hour, enjoying the unique, spicy blend of aromatics Catsblood had to offer. Now it seemed like he was trying to get it down as fast as possible, like he was trying to…bolster his nerves or something. She wished they had another bottle to open, but the new shipment was running late. She had some at home, but….

“How have you been?” Odessa asked, finally forcing herself to act natural and crossing her arms to lean against the counter. “I did not think you would be back so soon. You were barely gone.”

“I just got back,” Ghoul said gruffly. “It was a quick mission. I uh…work solo, most of the time. Makes things easier. I can get in and get the job done faster than an entire unit, and without being noticed.”

“Good. It sounds like your work is very important then.”

He shrugged and looked down at his glass, his fingers tapping the sides as he slowly spun it around. He had been gone just long enough for his buzzcut to start to grow in. The hairs were still short, but they looked fuzzy and soft. Not for the first time Odessa found herself wondering what it would feel like to run her hand over the top of his head, if that was something he’d enjoy, like Orion, or if he’d spurn her touch. Would it be too familiar, too soon? He used to flinch whenever her hand would come too close, but since then she had touched him a handful of times without incident.

“I get orders, I follow them,” Ghoul said, his words light but his tone hollow. A sore subject, it seemed. Odessa took a chance and reached over to place her hand on his wrist. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch but she held firm, rubbing her thumb against the exposed patch of skin between his sleeve and his glove. She observed him carefully, her heart stuttering painfully when she saw the synth mesh of his prosthetic throat moving in a way that she recognized as a swallowing motion. If he was uncomfortable, he refused to say anything and made no motion to pull his arm out of her reach. His skin was smooth beneath the pad of her thumb, hot like he had spent hours baking beneath the sun, and she wondered if he felt the same all over.

“I am glad you have returned safely,” she said, giving him a warm smile. “The drink is on me, as promised.”

He looked up at her, his eyes wide, searching her face for something. She stared right back, looking at the scars surrounding his eyes and the darker pigmentation that she thought was part of the scarring, but seemed to be…something else.

“What is it?” she asked with a nervous laugh. She rubbed the heel of her palm over her cheek and glanced to the side, unable to hold his gaze for very long, despite herself. “Do I…do I have a thing on my face?”

“Can I…can I ask you something?” Ghoul said.

Odessa paused, then nodded. Her stomach twisted nervously.

Why? She thought to herself. Why am I so anxious? It’s just a question. He can talk to me. He can ask me anything.

“Of course,” she whispered, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue.

“I…I wanted to ask sooner but I’m not…I’m not good at this kind of thing. I forgot, and then…there never seemed to be a right time. I didn’t want you to think I was…an idiot or–”

“You are not an idiot,” Odessa interrupted, squeezing his wrist. “I would never think that.”

Ghoul clenched his jaw and the hand she was so close to holding curled into a tight fist. She felt the muscles in his forearm straining, but didn’t let go. She found she could look at him so long as he wasn’t looking back, and had a feeling that maybe he felt the same way. Eye contact was…difficult to maintain. She didn’t know why. She wanted to look at him, wanted to stare into his eyes and try to figure out what was going through his head, what thoughts he held that had led him to 79’s right before closing, in the middle of a storm, and immediately after he had just returned from deployment. There were other, more important things he could have chosen to do—sleep, eat, enjoy a bit of peace and quiet—but he decided to come here instead.

“Ask me,” Odessa prompted, sliding the tip of her index finger beneath the edge of his sleeve, just to feel more of his skin. “It is okay. I do not bite.”

Ghoul chuckled and ran his other hand over the top of his head and down the back of his neck, hooking it there while he tried to summon the…the courage, perhaps, to gather his words.

“I just…need to know,” he said after a rough start, “‘cause it’s been botherin’ me since you did it…but that time I walked you home, you–you kissed me an' I haven’t been able to…I don’t understand why. So…I want to know if it was…if you did it because you felt bad for me, or because I’m a clone an' it’s…a novelty or–or if it’s about…this–” he waved his hand vaguely over the front of his face, gesturing to his prosthetic “–or whatever. I just…I need to know, ‘cause I can’t stop thinkin’ about it, an' I’m…tired. I’m tired.”

Odessa stared at him with her lips slightly parted, feeling like the floor had just been yanked out from under her. The only thing keeping her from immediately spiraling, keeping her grounded, was the hold she had on Ghoul’s wrist. He hadn’t moved and still hadn’t tried to pull away; she didn’t know if that was supposed to assuage her sudden feelings of uncertainty, but when she squeezed him again he didn’t flinch or tense, but neither did he look her way. He seemed to be back to avoiding eye contact, the way he had acted the very first time they had met. Odessa tilted her head, trying to catch his eye, but he was very good at focusing on the countertop, like the pattern in the polished surface was so much more interesting.

“You…you think I would kiss you out of…pity?” she asked, after drawing a deep breath. The insinuation hurt, a sharp little blade nestled at the edge of her heart, threatening to pierce her through and bleed her out. “You think I would kiss you because…it is a joke? That it is funny to me?”

Ghoul shrugged again, the movement a little more aggressive than before. Odessa recognized the barely restrained hostility for what it was, a defense mechanism to steel himself against perceived rejection, or disappointment. He didn’t want to look at her, but why? What was suddenly so terrifying that he couldn’t face it?

All the time she had spent wondering whether or not he had enjoyed the kiss felt like a waste in the face of the realization that he had spent the same amount of time wondering if she had kissed him as some kind of cruel prank. Magda’s words played back in her head, about the way clones never expected to be treated as anything other than tools of warfare; she should have known Ghoul might’ve held those same beliefs, or at the very least had experienced little kindness to indicate the kiss could have meant anything other than…morbid curiosity. Odessa wanted to be angry that he thought so little of her that he could think she’d do something like that, so selfishly, and for no reason at all….

But instead she took a deep breath.

She closed her eyes and forced herself to think of the way she had felt when her father forced her onto the one way transport to Coruscant, the way he had looked at her and told her that he didn’t need her to forgive him but he hoped one day she might, that this was for her own good. She had tried so hard to understand his position, tried so very hard to put herself in his place. She didn’t know if she would have made the same choices as he had…but she wanted to believe that she was, at the very least, capable of empathizing with his decision.

If she could put aside her own hurt feelings for her father’s sake, then she could do the same for Ghoul.

He wasn’t trying to pick a fight…he wasn’t trying to insult her. He…he was protecting himself. She could see that, the way he guarded himself so carefully, refusing to let anyone close or give anything of himself away…but he had done so for her. It had taken time, but he had allowed her to slip closer, to know a part of himself that he kept hidden from the rest of the world.

It was the person he became when he was with Commanders Wolffe and Fox, the man who knew how to crack a joke and offer up a smile. It was who he became when he was teaching her the proper way to hold a blaster, confident and filled with energy because he knew what he was talking about and though he had said he wasn’t much of a teacher, Odessa knew it was a lie because he taught her. It was the way he had looked in the back alley of the refugee center, hyperventilating and crying but still so strong in spite of the tragedies he must have suffered, and the way he was still so kind as to offer her a listening ear when she told him about her mother.

“Ghoul,” Odessa said, leaning further against the counter until the edge dug into her stomach, “will you…will you look at me? Please?”

At first she didn’t think he would. He seemed determined to keep his eyes on everything but her and kept staring stubbornly at his drink…but then he twitched and slowly, very slowly turned his head. He didn’t meet her gaze, but she thought she saw him fixate on her shoulder and that…that was good enough. If that was as close to his attention as she could get, then she’d have to take it.

“I do not know how to make you believe me,” she said, hoping against hope she wasn’t about to destroy the very fragile trust he had given her. “I do not pretend to understand why it is you think this way, but I promise—I promise that I did not kiss you for any other reason than because I very much wanted to.”

He exhaled harshly, his brows knitting together like he didn’t believe her.

“But why?” he asked, his voice rough, anger lacing his tone. “Why would you wanna kiss me?”

“Because I like you,” Odessa said firmly, despite the way she wanted to get up and bolt. She had never been questioned so bluntly before; it was like he lacked all social awareness and experience to know that…people kissed because they wanted to, because of attraction, or lust, or to tease and seduce. It would have been charming were it not for the implications—had he been anyone else, his confusion might have even been cute.

“What’s there t’ like?” Ghoul shot back. “You don’t know me.”

“I have been trying to know you,” Odessa insisted. “I have been trying to know you from the first day you walked in here. And do you know what? You are not as terrible a person as you would have everyone think. I think you are…so interesting. You are harsh and cold but you also care a lot—we were still strangers and you walked me to Rollo’s. You taught me to shoot a blaster! You agree to help me even though there is nothing in it for you. So yes, I think you are a likable man, no matter what you say. And I kissed you because I wanted to—because you are kind and gentle in spite of things that could have made you cruel.”

Odessa took a deep breath to calm her nerves and then slowly took her hand off Ghoul’s wrist to touch his chin; he jerked away from her instinctively, his eyes snapping to hers in an instant and a look of shock taking over the entirety of his range of expression. She shook her head and slid her hand along his jaw, holding firm, pressing her palm to the prosthetic and letting the tips of her fingers rest against the edge where warm skin met with metal.

“I kissed you because I like you,” she said, taking advantage of having his full attention. “I am attracted to you…no matter what you think, no matter what you might say to try and prove otherwise, that is the truth.”

Her heart felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do if he decided her confession wasn’t enough of a good reason to stick around. Or, worse, maybe it was too much for him to accept so suddenly. It wasn’t as though she had planned on admitting her feelings—not like this, at any rate. She would have preferred…a more private setting, somewhere more intimate, so they could talk properly. She didn’t want there to be any confusion between them. She didn’t want to leave him with any lingering doubts about how she truly felt, even if she was still trying to figure out how deep those feelings ran.

Ghoul didn’t move at all, didn’t give any sign that her words had reached him, apart from the way he closed his eyes, squeezing them hard until she could see him straining with the effort. Odessa desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, wanted to peel apart his skull until his thoughts were revealed to her. Patience had always been a virtue of hers…until now when it felt like she would come right out of her skin if he wouldn’t hurry up and say something.

Patience, she told herself. Give him time. Let him think.

She ran her thumb back and forth against his cheek, wondering if he was able to feel her touch, or if it was just a strange sort of pressure. It didn't seem to upset him, whatever the case, until she dared to touch the soft skin of his upper lip—his eyes flew open and he looked at her with…with so much hurt, so much pain that she didn't know how to react to it. She didn't even know cybernetic eyes could be so expressive.

"I would kiss you again," she said, trying to alleviate the sudden tension. "I have thought about it many times since. Always wondering if you liked it, if it compared…I wanted to ask about it too."

She felt the synth-mesh flex beneath her hand and watched as Ghoul inhaled sharply, his shoulders rising with the motion. Up so close she could see what she thought to be discolored skin was actually faded warpaint. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so many ways she wanted to know him, so much he was holding back.

Patience. Have patience.

"There's…there's nothin' to compare," Ghoul finally spoke, his voice little more than a strained whisper. "You…you were my first kiss."

Odessa felt something in her chest break wide open, like a dam holding back too much water finally giving way. She smiled, blinking back tears that formed suddenly at the corners of her eyes.

"I wish I had known," she whispered back. "I would have made sure to make it more memorable."

The roar of thunder outside shook the windows and seeped into her bones. The neon bar lights dimmed then brightened again with a low buzz and she heard Magda open the door to the backroom, probably to come check on them. Odessa stroked her thumb along Ghoul’s lip again, watching the way his breath hitched with the gesture. She didn’t want this moment to end…but 79’s was neither the time nor the place.

Invite him back to your apartment, her inner voice spoke up. You wanted to before. Now’s the perfect opportunity. You can be alone, you can talk…and who knows?

It was an idea. She didn’t know if he’d accept, but…she’d never know if she never asked. Her lekku twitched and she cleared her throat, trying to think of the best way to ask him over without sounding too much like she was propositioning him.

“Ghoul–”

“Hey,” another voice interrupted, “how come he gets a drink?”

Odessa didn’t have time to look before someone ran into her shoulder, almost upsetting her balance and sending her to the floor. Ghoul jumped to his feet, cursing in a language Odessa had never heard before as the rest of his drink spilled across the counter and floor as Orion made a drunken grab for it, the tumbler slipping from his grasp. The sound of shattering glass only meant one more mess to clean up, but Orion groaned and slammed his fist against the countertop like someone else caused it.

“You owe me another one!” Orion slurred, pointing his finger in Odessa’s face.

“You are drunk,” Odessa snapped, feeling the last threads of her patience disappear. “I cut you off hours ago, and this is why! You are a lightweight, and you need to go home!”

Orion’s face twisted into a frightening expression, one filled with anger and loathing. He made a move like he intended to climb over the counter to get to her, but he barely had time to haul himself up over the edge before Ghoul grabbed hold of his jacket and threw him back against the floor. He made it look so easy, like it was nothing to toss another fully grown man around…but Orion was so inebriated, and Ghoul was so strong that the few fearful steps back she had taken felt so unnecessary now.

“What th’ kark’s your problem?!” Ghoul barked, sounding more like the Commander he was than she had ever heard before. “You got ears? She told you to fuck off!”

Orion scrambled to his feet, surprisingly quick—maybe it had something to do with being a clone and bred for war, that their tolerance for alcohol meant that even complete intoxication couldn’t render them completely helpless—and swung at Ghoul with a wild punch that missed its mark by a mile. For a moment Odessa feared a repeat of the time Ghoul had defended her from the three Academy men; he grabbed Orion by the arm and by the scruff of his neck and drove him back against thee countertop, slamming his head against the surface and mopping up the spilled Catsblood with his cheek.

“Apologize,” Ghoul hissed, sneering as he easily held Orion down.

“Get off me, you freak!” Orion gasped, blood spurting from his nose from the collision.

“Do it, or I’ll break your arm,” Ghoul warned, twisting the offending appendage back until Orion yelped in pain.

“Wait,” Odessa gasped, “let him go, please, it is not–”

“What the hell is goin’ on out here?!” Magda yelled, storming out of the backroom amid all the commotion. Odessa froze, but Ghoul only scoffed and proceeded to twist Orion’s arm further.

“Apologize,” he commanded, and something cracked before Orion frantically smacked the table with his other hand.

“Okay, okay!” he cried, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! Let me go, you sick bastard!”

“Not to me,” Ghoul snarled, shoving against Orion viciously. “To her. You apologize to her.”

Odessa stared as Orion twisted to look up at her, blood painting the crevices between his teeth and smearing against the lower half of his face as he continued to struggle. She didn’t want to claim the feeling that filled her, a smug sort of satisfaction that almost made her feel sick to her stomach…and yet she was glad Ghoul had put a stop to Orion’s nonsense so quickly.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, blinking rapidly as his eyes started to water, either from actual shame or from the pain Ghoul was currently inflicting on him. “I’m sorry, Odie, I didn’t mean it….”

She nodded at him, not trusting herself to speak. She didn’t know what her voice would sound like in that moment…if she’d be able to keep it together long enough to administer an actual scolding.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Magda said, flapping her hands at Ghoul to ward him away. He gave Orion one last shove, making him yelp again before finally backing off and grabbing up his helmet. Orion groaned, sinking down to the floor as he cradled his arm, leaving behind a neat smear of blood on the countertop. Magda sighed, pressing her fingers into her temples and rubbing tight little circles.

“You sure know how to cause trouble,” she muttered, eyeballing Ghoul with a glare that wasn’t nearly as malicious as Odessa was used to seeing her bestow on those unfortunate to incur her wrath.

He shrugged, but didn’t look at all remorseful. That wasn’t a surprise, but the way he muttered an insincere ‘sorry’ and headed for the door was. Odessa thought about the cameras, the video feed that would live on the security terminal as a testament to the night’s events. She thought about how quickly Ghoul had fled the scene the last time he had resorted to violence, how she had insisted he go because she couldn’t bear the thought that he might get into trouble for defending her.

Of course he would have to leave now to avoid a similar fate, especially if Orion turned out to be the kind of man who would turn a fellow soldier in for wounding his pride. Already she was planning on how best to disrupt the data, make it look like another accident; at least this time she had the excuse of the storm and could blame the lost footage on a brownout. She could almost ignore the way her stomach clenched seeing him go without so much as a backwards glance, like the moment they had shared moments ago didn’t mean anything.

He was so strange. Wonderful, but strange—she wanted to shout after him, tell him to come back, to wait, at least, until she could finish cleaning up. He had only just arrived and though they didn’t have any more Catsblood she was sure she could find something similar among their stock. She just…she didn’t want to see him go so soon after arriving. There were…still so many things she wanted to say to him.

“Odie?”

Magda snapped her fingers and Odessa jumped, unaware that she had spaced out. She looked up sheepishly, then grabbed a towel from beneath the counter.

“Sorry,” she said, “I will clean up the mess.”

“Hold on now,” Magda said, stopping her with a warm hand to her shoulder. “I think…I think it might be a good idea if you go ahead and head home.”

“But–”

“No buts. This young man needs someone to talk to for a bit, until his ride gets here. Let me take care of him, try to sober him up, and convince him that this was all just a big misunderstanding. You…should go after your friend.”

Magda tossed her head toward the door, where Ghoul stood contemplating his helmet before jamming it down over his head.

“But…the mess,” Odessa tried to protest as she kept her eyes glued on him, wondering why he hadn’t left yet. Normally he didn’t hesitate.

“I can handle a broken glass and a little bit of blood. You can make it up to me later, if you want, but right now you should go.”

Go where? Back to her apartment? With Ghoul?

Invite him in, her inner voice squeaked, annoying and incessant, like she hadn’t been ready to before Orion interrupted them.

“You are sure?” she asked one last time, already trying to push aside the guilt that rose up for even considering abandoning Magda to the annoying task of closing up the bar by herself.

“I’m sure. No go on—get.”

Odessa didn’t waste another second, grabbing her backpack from where she had stuffed it under the counter earlier in anticipation of leaving and then ran toward the door where Ghoul still stood, his expressionless helmet turned in her direction, like he had been waiting for her the whole time. Odessa pulled one of her lekku over her shoulder, holding it self-consciously as she approached.

“Thought you had to close,” Ghoul said the moment she was near. His voice sounded normal again, all of the vitriol from before having bled out.

“Change of plans,” Odessa said. “Will you…walk me home?”

He tilted his head to the side and then pushed the door open, just enough for Odessa to see that the rain had picked up again, practically flooding the walkways as rivulets ran down the storm drains.

“It’s wet out,” he said, like it wasn’t obvious. “We’ll have to run.”

“I do not mind. We can both dry off at my place.”

The unspoken hung in the air between them, heavy with the implication that she expected him to come inside her apartment. Ghoul's helmet protected his expression from scrutiny, but Odessa was quickly becoming adept at reading his other little tics, like the nervous way he fanned his fingers out before resting his hand on his blaster holster—he hadn't even bothered to leave the weapon at his barracks, like clones were supposed to when on leave. He must have gotten off the transport ship and immediately made his way to the bar, she realized.

"You…you sure you wanna be seen with a clone like that?" Ghoul asked. "Someone might see. People talk…word gets around."

Boldly, Odessa reached up and touched the tips of her fingers to the ventilation filters of his helmet, tracing the circular ends and hoping it wasn’t her imagination making her think she heard his breath catch through his vocalizer.

"I am not ashamed of you," she said, looking directly into his visor. Then, before he could try to dissuade her after her mind was already made up, Odessa pushed past him into the downpour.

Almost immediately she was drenched, her clothes sticking uncomfortably to her skin and the rain tickling as it ran in rivulets down her lekku. She tilted her face up, closing her eyes and taking a moment to ground herself in the rare show of nature's power. Coruscant was nothing like Ryloth—the entire planet was a construct, all metal and stone. Anything living had long been choked out by the suffocating press of innovation and progress.

But the rain…nothing could stop the rain.

No turning back now.

"Are you coming?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

Ghoul looked up at the night sky, at the skyscrapers towering so far above them there was no way to see where they ended. The neon lights lining the walkways bled into a multicolored haze as the humidity increased and steam rose from vents leading to the lower levels. After a moment, he stepped out into the rain as well.

"Lead the way," he said with a curt nod.

Odessa smiled and seized his hand, pulling hard as she took off. She felt him stumble on the first step, but he easily fell into a steady jog as she began to run. She had a feeling he was more than capable of outpacing her, but for whatever reason he didn't, and she squeezed his hand as hard as she could, unable to hold back the insane amount of affection she felt for him in that moment.

She’d find a way to kiss him again, if she could. She’d sit him on her little couch and tell him all the things she meant to and she’d make sure he knew where she stood in regards to how she felt about him. She would touch his face until he didn’t feel the need to flinch at the contact and she’d let him ask her anything his heart desired.

Life is too short for regrets, she thought to herself as rain pelted against her face. I don't want any more. This time…I'll be selfish.

~~~

Coruscant rain was cold.

Not even his blacks, which were specifically made to protect against the elements in a variety of atmospheric conditions, could keep out the chill that seeped into his bones as he ran through the winding, interconnected walkways of the mid-levels. Any other time he would have cursed his luck and tried to wait out the rain…but this time he couldn't.

He didn't want to, if it meant letting go of Odessa's hand.

The prosthetic didn't feel the way flesh did; through the glove he felt even less, just the pressure from the way she squeezed and pulled. He had panicked the moment she had grabbed him—if only he had been quick enough to offer her his left hand, but he focused instead on relaxing the servos in his arm that controlled his grip strength and slowing his stride so he wouldn't overtake Odessa. He'd die if he hurt her, even accidentally.

Whatever his initial intentions had been in visiting 79's so late at night (to see her, what other reason was there when he could barely taste the drinks anyway?), Ghoul hadn't expected things to turn out the way they had, nor was he sorry for any of it.

All he had thought about the entire time he had been deployed was how good it would feel to see her again. He had still been able to focus on his mission on Balmorra, extracting a high ranking official with minimal casualties, but Odessa lingered on the edge of his mind the entire time. He could close his eyes and picture her almost perfectly, from the way she'd smile to the charming way her lekku moved independently of each other whenever she was excited. If he tried hard enough he could almost imagine the lilt of her voice and the accented way she said his name.

It was sometime during the return to Coruscant, while he was plugged into a datapad listening to a video explaining the grammatical basics of Ryl, that he realized he must have…fallen for her, unintentionally. Six months ago he would have laughed at the idea of caring about anyone aside from Wolffe and Fox, but there he was, trying to learn a new language in the hopes of being able to understand her just a little bit better, the way she seemed to effortlessly understand him.

The revelation distracted Ghoul from everything else. All he could think about was seeing her again and had almost sent her a comm saying he'd be back soon, but a ridiculous idea took root instead, that he could surprise her at 79's and then he'd be able to watch the way her face lit up with happiness when she saw him. She would be happy, he was sure of that even if he still didn't understand why. He just knew that her eyes grew wide and bright and her smile could light up an entire room like she carried the force of the sun beneath her skin. It made him feel good, like…like it mattered to someone else that he didn't die out there in the field.

If she was waiting for him…then he had a reason to keep coming back, if only to keep her from disappointment.

"Finally," Odessa exclaimed, releasing Ghoul's hand to point at her apartment building. "Ugh, I will be glad to be inside and out of this rain."

He didn't say anything, just followed her up the three-tiered staircase where the covered balcony offered them shelter; not that it mattered, with the way the wind had started to blow in the last ten minutes. A misty spray hovered in the air, ensuring they wouldn't escape the weather until they were inside—which brought Ghoul to his next dilemma.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked as he watched Odessa punch in a code on the numerical keypad next to her apartment door. The lock disengaged and she pushed the door open, pausing only to give him a reproachful look before stepping inside.

"I already said it is fine," she said. "What are you so nervous for?"

If only you knew, he wanted to say.

He had never been inside someone’s personal dwelling. For clones it was GAR-issued barracks or the cold, hard ground, whatever came first. He had walked through every floor of the Senate buildings, explored caves, swampy huts made of wood and mud, opulent palaces that made him want to wretch, trekked across arid deserts until he thought he’d drown in his own sweat, but he had never once set foot inside a civilian’s home before….and somehow the prospect of entering Odessa’s little apartment seemed more daunting than any one of the dangerous missions he had been on.

She held the door open for him, staring expectantly and waiting for him to follow, but Ghoul couldn't make himself take that first step over the threshold. He tried to look past her, but even his helmet’s sensors couldn’t make out what was inside the dark room and he fought down the urge to lick his lip, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good. The inside of his mouth was dry, as usual, and his tongue didn't work like it used to.

"You will catch cold if you stay out here," Odessa said; she smiled but he recognized her tone as a teasing one—for some reason it soothed his nerves, just enough for him to feel like maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. She pushed the door open a little further and jerked her head toward the darkened interior.

"Come inside," she said. "Just for a little bit, until the rain is stopped."

She wanted him to come in. She meant it when she said she wasn't ashamed of him, even though anyone could look out a window and see him darkening her doorstep. Clones weren't meant to fraternize with anyone—it was the most wildly disregarded rule throughout the GAR and everyone knew it as this unspoken thing; not one brother would dare turn in another for having a bit of fun during leave…but anyone could blow the whistle and jeopardize his status.

Or hers.

He had no faith left in the system; the powers that be could slap her with an obstruction of duty charge and ship her back to Ryloth faster than it'd take to file the form in triplicate. But maybe…maybe the risk made this act of defiance all the more worth it.

When have you ever needed a reason, he asked himself, before finally summoning the spine to push past her. Odessa closed the door behind them, plunging the room into total darkness until a light in the corner flickered on.

The reveal was…painfully underwhelming. More than the bunks the GAR provided, but smaller than he had expected for a civilian able to live on their own. What amounted to a sitting room with a squat, two-person couch and a few sparsely decorated shelving units connected with a kitchenette—a generous term for the half-sized chiller and limited counter space—and then at the back was a doorway leading to what he could only assume was Odessa's bedroom. From where he stood he could only just see the corner of a bed, neatly made with the sheets tucked regulation tight.

Ghoul removed his helmet and caught his first whiff of a sweet, cloying scent he immediately recognized as a type of flower that only grew on Ryloth—fragile, yellow buds that didn't petal, but clung fiercely to the rock faces near caves and rivers. Despite their miniscule size they were intensely aromatic and surprisingly tenacious; looking around he caught sight of a round pot by the only window, with the familiar, vine-like plant already climbing up over the sides. Fitting, that Odessa would have found a way to make it take root on Coruscant.

"I am going to get out of these wet clothes," she said, disrupting his train of thought. Odessa dropped her bag onto the floor and balanced on one foot then the other to remove her boots. Ghoul tried not to pay attention to the way her white shirt clung her skin, practically translucent and leaving very little to the imagination. Instead, he swallowed and focused on the furthest wall, where she had decorated the limited space with a poster—too late, he realized it was the target from the range, neatly pinned so there was no mistaking her awful, barely acceptable shot versus the perfect three he had made. The sight of it made his stomach clench.

Why would she keep it?

"I do not have anything for you to change into" Odessa continued, oblivious to Ghoul's plight. "Nothing in your size, at least."

"Don't need 'em," Ghoul said, still staring at the target. "The blacks dry fast. Just need ten minutes or so."

"You will stay longer, I hope," she said, looking up at him. "Maybe…maybe you could remove your armor? It will be helping you dry faster."

Ghoul stiffened at the thought. Of course, it made sense—he couldn't stand there in her foyer, dripping water and making a mess all night long. De-kitting was something of a ritual, though, one he took care to follow to the letter every night before lights out. On missions, he slept in full gear because removing it when conditions were unpredictable was tantamount to suicide. The idea of being without it, just existing in his sleeve with nothing to protect him, or shield him was…was….

You're not on a mission, his inner voice snapped. Get a hold of yourself. Nothin' here's gonna hurt you. It's her home. Act normal for once.

"It takes up a lot of space," Ghoul said, his voice hoarse. "I don't wanna make a mess."

"I am not minding," Odessa replied, lifting her delicate shoulders in a shrug. She was already halfway to her bedroom before he could offer up another excuse. "Feel free to make yourself comfortable. I will be out shortly."

Comfortable, he thought as the click of her door sealed his fate. I've never been comfortable outside of my kit.

But if…if she came back out and saw that he hadn't moved, that he still stood there, sopping wet and awkward, would she regret inviting him in? Outside the wind howled, heralding another wave of the storm. If he planned on just waiting it out…he'd be waiting a very long time.

"Kriffing hells," Ghoul cursed under his breath as he quickly set his helmet on the floor and knelt beside it to undo the hidden clasp on his greaves.

Breaking down the armor normally took the better part of an hour, when done right. He liked to check every piece over for damage so he could put in a maintenance request before his next deployment, and buff out any glaring scuffs or stains. It was almost therapeutic…but he didn't bother with any part of his usual routine. He stripped expertly in just a few minutes, stacking every piece in a neat, orderly pile on top of his folded kama.

The feel of rough carpet beneath his bare feet was…strange. He didn't want to say 'uncomfortable', because it wasn't that…but neither was it wholly pleasant. Maybe it was because of how vulnerable he felt, wearing just his blacks, how utterly self-conscious he was of the way he looked when there was nothing else to distract from his ruined face. Most people tended to check out the armor first…but Odessa wasn't 'most people'.

You will find out for yourself, if you like.

He recalled those words she had said to him months ago (had it really been so short a time?), the way he had been so frustrated with her naivete; he hadn't understood what she meant, then, but now…now he realized how stubborn he had been, blinded by his own misconceptions about civilians going about their lives in blissful ignorance, totally oblivious to the realities of war. He hated them because of the way they looked at him when they saw what was done to his face, the looks of shock and disgust…he hated them.

But Odessa, she had never…he couldn't recall a single time, not once, when she had ever looked at him like he was anything other than a man—just a man and not the sorry result of collateral damage of intergalactic corporate warfare. And now there he was, dressed down to his blacks, waterlogged and barefoot in her humble living room, looking around her decor like he was trying to piece together enough clues to reveal the secret to how she could be so damn bewitching.

She was driving him crazy…that was the only explanation for how he had wound up there, so deeply out of his element he scarcely recognized himself. It was like his entire sense of self, the persona he had spent the last year and a half cultivating to keep people away, disintegrated whenever she so much as smiled in his direction. She said his name and he felt weak in his knees. There was something…something defective in him, if he could be affected like that. It shouldn't be possible.

"Ghoul?"

But it was.

He looked up and immediately wanted to die. She was so pretty—so pretty he didn't know why she wanted to be seen with him. She had changed out of her wet clothes but what she wore as a replacement was somehow worse, just a long shirt that fell to mid-thigh and hung dangerously off her shoulder. He didn't even know what color it was, because the sight of all that pretty green skin was distracting.

“I tried not to get anything wet,” he said, gesturing at his armor. “Tried to keep it neat.”

“I already said I do not mind,” Odessa said, going straight to her tiny kitchen area. She stood on her toes to rummage through one of the cabinets and as Ghoul watched, the shirt she wore rode up the back of her thighs until it only just barely covered her rear. He tried not to stare. He tried not to but it was so hard. She had told him she’d kiss him again and now, with her dressed like that, so casual and carefree even though she was alone with a strange man in her home, he couldn’t help but wonder if…if more kissing was what she originally had in mind when bringing him here.

“I feel bad you did not get to finish your drink. I hope you are not minding if I make you another?”

“Uh…no,” Ghoul said, memorizing the way the curve of her calves gave way to slender little ankles and petite feet.

“I admit, I bought this a few months back,” Odessa admitted, pulling down a new bottle of Catsblood, practically half the size stocked by 79’s. “I…suppose I was hoping for a chance to invite you over. I thought if I had the drink on hand, it would give me the courage to ask. Silly of me, is it not?”

“No. I…you’re not. Silly. You’re not silly. Clones don’t…we don’t usually get invited places. I never expected it. This is my first time being in someone’s home.”

“And what do you think about it?,” Odessa asked, turning around with a glass, filled halfway this time to just a little over what he had left before that other idiot clone spilled it everywhere. She held out the glass and smiled, her eyes bright and twinkling even in the low light. Ghoul reached out blindly, fixated on the curve of her lips.

“It’s smaller than I expected,” he said bluntly. “It feels…kinda empty.”

Odessa laughed a little.

“Coruscant is being very expensive for one person,” she said. “I came here with a single bag filled with clothing. Everything I have had to provide for myself, so I collect things I am needing little by little, when there are credits to spare.”

“...are you happy?”

“I like to think so. Will you sit down?” she asked, gesturing toward her couch; it was cramped, barely enough room for two people, maybe three if they were all as petite as her, but Ghoul nodded and turned an about face before he could ruin the moment with thoughts about how damp his blacks still were and how he didn’t want to damage any of her things because she didn’t have all that much. He held onto the glass tightly, the warm scent of Catsblood drifting up in his face and tickling the inside of his nose with its cloying spice.

The couch was more comfortable than he expected, soft with deep cushions that belied its size. He felt like he could sink down into them and possibly fall asleep—all the aches he had collected in the past few weeks chose now to remind him of the abuse he put his body through for the sake of his mission and he couldn’t help but relax. Odessa dropped down next to him, curling her legs and tucking them beneath her so she could face him.

“How is the taste?” she asked as he sipped at his drink. “It is warm enough for you?”

Ghoul frowned, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth and trying to focus on the faint tinge of spice that usually made Catsblood worth it. His throat worked up and down but it was useless—there was just the good and familiar warmth that burned on the way down, and the scent of spice clinging to his upper lip. He could lie to her and just say it was fine so she wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong…but for some reason the thought of lying to her didn’t sit right with him…like he’d be…disrespecting her, after the way she had treated him so kindly thus far.

I owe her the truth, he thought to himself. She deserves that much.

“I…I can’t taste,” he admitted, looking down at his lap. “I haven’t since…since they replaced, uh…everything.”

Odessa’s hand flew to her mouth, a few fingers pressing against her lips. Her eyes went wide and her expression betrayed horror and shock—Ghoul curled his upper lip in a sneer, instinctively turning his body away, trying to shield himself from the inevitable, but she didn’t let him get very far.

“I am so sorry,” she said, her eyebrows knitting together. “I did not know—did not think…it is so terrible of me, I should be more observant. I did not mean to be bringing up something so sensitive.”

“You wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking,” he said gruffly, not really wanting to go into detail but seeing no other way around it. “It’s fine. I…Catsblood is the only thing I come close to tasting. It’s…strong. The spice, I mean. It burns going down and I can feel that, at least. It’s…close enough.”

“No, it is not,” Odessa said, reaching out to touch his arm. He flinched, but it was too late to pull away; her hand rested upon the forearm of his prosthetic and though he couldn’t feel anything, he saw her squeeze and the way her face changed again, immediately shifting into an expression of confusion. Ghoul felt his stomach roll over, like he was going to be sick. He couldn’t taste bile at the back of his throat but he suddenly found it hard to swallow and fought back the urge to just get up.

This was it, the moment where she’d find out exactly how damaged he was and decide that he wasn’t worth the effort of whatever it was she had planned for them. It was inevitable—who could want someone missing so much, someone who couldn’t enjoy even the most trivial things that so many people took for granted, who couldn’t enjoy the taste of good food or the touch of soft skin? Combined with his looks, he had nothing to offer, nothing but baggage.

“Prosthetic,” he choked out when Odessa squeezed his arm again. “Can’t feel anything, so…y’know.”

She looked up at him, her eyes searching, wondering. Still confused, but more curious now. He didn’t know what she was thinking and wished she’d just say something instead of just…staring like that. He hated it when people stared…but…she wasn’t people.

“I never knew,” Odessa said, shuffling on her knees closer. She slid her hand down the length of his arm to his wrist, then to the separation between sleeve and glove. “You are very gentle…I truly had no idea. May I…may I see?”

“Why?” Ghoul asked, feeling like he was being suffocated from within.

“...because I like you, and I want to…to know you more. I want to know all the things about you…the good and the bad.”

Her fingers toyed with the tips of his gloves and when she gathered the fabric between a pinched thumb and forefinger, he didn’t stop her. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have, but she started to pull and he found that he desperately, desperately wanted to believe that she could look at the ugliest parts of him and see something still worthy of receiving her gentle affection. She had held his hand so firmly while they ran through the rain and she didn’t show any sign of being put off now, even though she had to know…she had to know it wasn’t pretty.

He watched, feeling like he was outside of his own body as Odessa methodically tugged off his glove, dropping it to the floor where it lay forgotten the instant she slid her fingers between his, turning his hand over and staring at the black plating that protected the delicate wiring, circuitry, and mechanics within. He offered up no resistance, holding his breath as she took hold of one of the fingers and pushed it toward the center of his palm. His range of motion was perfect—apart from being unable to feel anything, the prosthetic functioned almost exactly as the arm he had lost.

“It is remarkable,” Odessa said, pushing back his sleeve to look at the wrist joint. “I have never seen something crafted so expertly. How…how much is–”

“Here,” Ghoul croaked, gesturing to a spot just above his elbow before she could finish her question.

“I see…does it still hurt?”

“...not usually. I…sometimes there’s…phantom pains. Like I can feel my arm again, even though it’s…not there.”

“...is there more?”

He swallowed. It seemed like Odessa wasn’t going to rest until she had peeled him apart and stuck him under a microscope. She was so curious—nosey, his inner voice seethed—but the way she asked for his permission was so gentle, so sweet that he couldn’t refuse. She didn’t ogle with the intention of making a spectacle out of him, nor was her careful touch anything like the clinical and impersonal way doctors performed their physical examinations.

For the first time in his life, Ghoul felt like…like he was being looked at like a person, and not just…not just a thing they had kept alive because some half-disgraced Jedi demanded it.

His mouth went dry and he pulled his hand out of hers to set down his unfinished glass of Catsblood before peeling off his other glove; that, too, was discarded to the floor, and he held his other hand back out for her inspection, eager, this time, to feel her touch with what was left of his hand.

“Fingers,” he said, fixating on her face. Pretty, she was so pretty. He liked the shape of her mouth, the fullness of her lips. He wanted to kiss her too, he realized, and wondered how he should go about making that happen. Odessa didn’t seem to notice his stare, thankfully, and held onto his hand, tracing the grafting that separated the prosthetic from the rest of him. He was missing his thumb, fore and middle fingers, but she focused on his remaining two, touching them firmly and feeling the shape of them. Her hand was so warm, her skin so soft that a shiver worked its way up Ghoul’s spine and he hoped and prayed to gods from cultures he didn’t belong to that she wouldn’t stop…not yet.

“You have been through so much,” Odessa observed, her voice low and warm as she held his hand in her lap. “I cannot imagine life has been very kind to you…and yet you are still here, continuing on in spite of everything. You are very remarkable, do you know that?”

“I’m a soldier,” Ghoul corrected her, not knowing what she meant by ‘remarkable’. He was engineered to survive, made of sturdier stuff than most because that was how the longnecks had designed clones to be. Nothing remarkable about genetic manipulation. It was just science.

“You are more than that,” she insisted, looking up at him again. “You are much more than what you were made for. I am not needing to know the details of what happened to know you are a survivor.”

“Surviving is what we do,” he said, the words hollow, meaningless, things he heard repeated thousands of times while in training on Kamino. He used to take so much pride in being a clone—’built to last’, they used to joke—but now there were times when he wished he hadn’t and it was…it was confusing, because being with her and hearing her say the same things he used to tell his men and himself…it was reigniting that pride he had buried long ago and he didn’t…he didn’t know what to make of it.

“Not everyone is capable,” Odessa whispered. “Can I…touch your face?”

He didn’t ask why this time, just nodded and leaned in. He watched as she slid her fingers along his jaw, tracing the edges of the prosthetic to the point of his chin.

“You feel nothing at all?” she asked.

“No. Just…sensors for heat, cold, pressure…it’s very basic. Helps me eat. Keeps me talking.”

“Oh…open your mouth?”

His breath probably smelled rancid, like dry rot from being under-lubricated. It made him sound raspier than normal, to the point where he had all but forgotten what his voice used to sound like. Nothing had been the same since Toydaria. Odessa wouldn’t know that, though. She only knew his voice as it was now, only knew what he looked like with the scars and the metal grafted to his bones.

"The ones who are making the prosthetics should be commended," she murmured, tilting her head back as she peered into his mouth. "It looks like an exact replica. Even your tongue…it is too bad they could not do more."

"Maybe if I were a politician," Ghoul said. "Or not a clone. They did what they had to do to keep me alive and functioning. The faster they could fix me, the faster they could send me back out into the field."

"I hate it," Odessa said, frowning.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too."

Odessa abandoned her inspection of the interior of his mouth and touched the tip of his nose with the edge of her nail.

"What is this?" she asked, scratching gently. "It is black…smoke?"

"Warpaint," Ghoul said, suddenly embarrassed. No one ever mentioned it before…he didn't think anyone ever paid attention to the dark color he painted around his eyes and down the center of his face. By the time he removed his helmet, back on Coruscant, most of it had already rubbed off or faded away.

"I thought it was part of your scars," she said softly, tracing the thick line of his eyebrow. "Do you want to wash your face? I have a clean towel and very gentle soap."

"Does it bother you?"

"No…but it is not so good for your skin, to be wearing it all the time. Especially for your eyes—here the skin is very thin, sensitive, and fragile."

As she spoke, she trailed the tips of her fingers around his eyes, circling each one with a tenderness that made him want to cry. No one had ever touched him like this before…no one had ever tried and he had never let anyone come so close. Even when the military doctors tried to get him to sit still for their examinations, or tried to insist on an upgrade, he always found a way to get them off his back. He'd broken the wrist of one doctor who got a little too handsy. He hated things near his eyes.

But….

"I guess," Ghoul said, reluctantly. If it was her then he…he could stomach it, for a little while at least.

"It does not have to be now," Odessa murmured. He felt a puff of her breath against the upper portion of his cheek and realized she had somehow pressed closer. He could feel her against the upper part of his arm and shoulder, her body hot through her shirt. Something inside of him kickstarted and he felt liquid heat pool deep in his gut, in some pocket dimension beyond his stomach.

"Odie," he said on exhale, referring to her by her nickname for the first time since he had known her.

"Mm?" she hummed in response as she ran her hand over the top of his head. Kark, he wanted to close his eyes and just lean into it so bad. The way her palm felt against his skin, the way his hair bristled (soft, he hoped it was soft, hoped she liked it so she wouldn't stop petting him), the way she held the back of his head and traced the decorative lines buzzed into his fade…he couldn't remember a time he had ever felt so…so seen.

Ghoul licked his lips, for the first time not realizing what a fruitless endeavor the action was.

"E-Earlier," he said, trying not to stutter and doing it anyway, "you said…you said if you knew that…uh, if you knew you were my first kiss, you would h-have made it…memorable."

"I did," Odessa said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked like she was trying to stop a smile from forming.

"Yeah," Ghoul said, "uh…how w-would you go about, uh, doing that?"

The smile broke containment and by the stars it seemed to him that it lit up her whole face and the room. He stared unabashedly, trying to memorize all the little details about her that he had never noticed before, like the curve of her eyelashes and the way her nose scrunched up as she tried, in vain, to hide a giggle. Her lekku flicked back and forth and he wondered what it meant, thought about asking her, and decided against it.

His heart was beating too fast and he didn't know how long until his courage would fail him. He wanted to know so badly what she could do to him, how she could possibly kiss him in a way that would make the first one somehow less. He had thought about it so often that by this point it felt like it had become part of him, like anyone could look at him and see the imprint of her lips scored into the metal of his prosthetic.

"You want to know?" Odessa asked. "I can…I can show you, if you like."

"Yes," Ghoul said in a rush, feeling lightheaded with anticipation. "Yes, please."

It was the first time he had said 'please' in a long time, but he dared not be rude, not now, not when she was looking at him like he wasn't somehow going to mess this up just by existing. Her eyes were so bright and she wet her lips with her tongue, making them look moist and inviting. He wished he could mirror her—it felt right, like what he might've done had he been whole. He hoped it wasn't terrible, hoped he wasn't awful and that she wouldn't regret it because he didn't know if he could handle a rejection of that magnitude.

"Here," Odessa said as she sat up on her knees, "come this way. It will be better."

He let her tug on his arm, let her pull him into scooting over until he sat more in the middle of the couch, and then, with a quickness he didn't expect, she swung her leg over his thighs and lowered herself to sit in his lap. The heat of her bottom sent another wild sensation racing through him, quick as lightning, frying all his nerves in a split second. Ghoul inhaled sharply and held his breath, like if he…if he made a move she'd change her mind.

"This is okay?" she asked, all innocence, like he was accustomed to this kind of thing. "It will be easier to kiss this way."

"I-I'll take your word for it," he whispered.

"Good."

Odessa pressed her hand to his cheek; he couldn't feel it, but he knew it was there and that made a difference. It was just like before, just like the night he had walked her home and she surprised him, kissing him so quickly he didn't even have time to react. Ghoul inhaled sharply through his nose as she slid her other arm over his shoulder, flinching as her fingers met with the back of his neck.

"Relax," she whispered, leaning in. "Close your eyes…."

He didn't. He wanted to see her…and he was glad he didn't obey because she closed her eyes and parted her lips just the smallest amount before pressing her mouth to his ruined one and this time he thought he was prepared…but he wasn't.

He wasn't.

It was gentle, tender, lingering the same way her scent did long after he left her presence. He felt her against his upper lip, the touch of her mouth electric, causing his heart to stutter and his breath catch in his lungs. She kissed him like it was the last thing she'd ever do, her lips pliant and warm against his. Dimly he was aware it couldn't be comfortable, the way she had to work around the immovable portion of his prosthetic, but that didn't seem to stop her.

Ghoul's eyes fluttered shut of their own accord and he thought he might have made a little noise of surprise, which was…stupid. He knew this was going to happen, so what was there to be surprised about? Odessa didn't stop though, didn't pay any mind to anything weird he might have done and she was so soft, pressed against him with her whole body—he could feel every inch of her, every inch—in a way that made him wish he knew what to do with his hands.

He tried settling them on her shoulders but it was too awkward; her waist was too tempting, and her thighs…he didn't want to think about it. Ignorance was a curse in the moment, so he dropped them to the couch, gripping the edge of the cushion tight as he tried to focus on the kiss.

"Mmph," Ghoul moaned, exhaling harshly through his nose.

Odessa pulled away, but didn't stop. She pressed her lips to his cheek, against the unfeeling synthetic mesh and then again, against his skin; it tingled where she kissed him and he wished he could take that feeling and make it last forever. She kissed the corner of his eye, his forehead, over his eyebrows and down the other side of his face where she turned his head to the side and pressed her mouth against his torn ear, the moist warmth of her breath ghosting over him and making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. His skin prickled and the heat in his gut boiled over—beneath his blacks he felt his cock twitch with interest.

"Wait, wait," Ghoul gasped, hurriedly taking hold of Odessa's delicate wrists and bringing her hands away from his face. He could feel a flush spreading up his neck, coloring his ears a dark red he knew she'd notice.

"Too much?" she asked, tilting her head.

"No…yes. I mean…it…it was…."

He didn't have the words for it. He didn't know how to tell her that if she kept it up he'd only embarrass himself. His body was reacting in all the telltale ways it usually did when he touched himself during the private moments he stole in the showers or his bunk. The lazy heat crawling through him was familiar now and, to his horror, he didn't know how to make it go away.

"Do you want to stop?" Odessa asked. She had a look of concern on her face, like maybe she thought she had done something wrong.

"No," Ghoul said, despite the turmoil he felt. If she kissed him like that again…she'd know, eventually. There was no way she wouldn't be able to feel him, pressed against her as he was. But if she stopped…he didn't want her to stop.

"It is okay to say no, if you are feeling uncomfortable," she said, pulling her wrist out of his grasp to touch his head again. She seemed about as obsessed with running her hand over his buzzcut as he was, and Ghoul inhaled with a shuddering breath.

"I'm not…uncomfortable," he muttered. "Just…dunno what to do. I…I've never…never been in this situation before. I don't wanna mess it up."

"You are not messing up," she laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to his eyebrow. "You are being very stiff though…you can relax."

"I don't know how."

"Here," Odessa said, sitting up and boldly taking hold of his hands. "I will show you."

Show me what, he barely had time to think before she placed his hands directly on her hips. He startled like she had just stuck him with a live wire and he jerked his head up to stare at her in shock, only to be met with a look of what he could only describe as triumph.

"There you go," she smirked, patting the backs of his hands. "You do not need to be scared of touching me."

"I…I can?"

He didn't want to believe it, if only because if…if she changed her mind, or laughed…if it was just part of a larger joke, then he'd….

Shut up, he snapped at the part of himself still doubting Odessa's intentions. Shut up, she's not like that.

"I am giving you permission," she said, and he swore he saw her cheeks tinge darker with a flush. "I would like it…if you did touch me."

"How?" he asked breathlessly, squeezing her hips just a bit and wishing he could appreciate the way her flesh gave way beneath his grip. She was soft, so soft.

"Anyway you want," she said, pressing another kiss to his temple. "As long as I can keep doing this."

Ghoul swallowed thickly, having somehow worked up enough moisture in his mouth to do so. She was giving so much of herself—her kindness, her generosity, her home and now access to her body as well? It was almost too much to wrap his mind around. There was nothing he could do to reciprocate in any meaningful way…nothing she could possibly want from him that she couldn't find elsewhere, with far less trouble. She deserved so much better….

“Odie,” Ghoul said as she moved to kiss him again, “hold on…I…there’s somethin’ I need t’ show you.”

“What is it?”

She kissed the arch of his cheek and he felt like he was going to combust if she did it again. Her hips were distracting, shifting in subtle movements that did nothing to help him stave off the lust building inside of him. He felt dizzy, lightheaded, and knew that blood was rushing straight to his cock and she’d feel it, she’d know because he wasn’t in control and he didn’t know how to make it go away without jumping back out in the middle of the storm and laying facedown in a puddle of cold water.

Ghoul pulled away from her and fumbled at his mouth, suddenly unable to find the hidden clasp that held the decorative plate fixed to his jaw. It was so easy, usually, but she was watching him, her eyes bright and blue and so beautiful—she was so beautiful and he didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky. Finally he touched the right corner and the small plate popped free, granting him a greater range of motion and revealing a fully crafted lower lip, made of the same soft silicone as his cheeks. He panted for a moment, looking up at her with the hope that she wouldn’t…wouldn’t think he was too odd, hiding from her like he had to.

But of course, he should have known better by then.

“Oh,” Odessa said, lighting up with another smile. She cupped his face in both hands and kissed him eagerly and this time, somehow, they fit together better than before. He still couldn’t feel the majority of her mouth, but there was a definite sensation that this was right. She wasn’t complaining either, but kissed him fully, slipping her tongue against his upper lip and making little noises that were almost moans. His hands fell back to her hips and he touched like she told him he could, squeezing and wishing he had more sensation in his right arm. But what was there to complain about, with her in his lap?

Slowly, he felt himself sinking back into the couch, relaxing until his head met with the soft cushion, and still Odessa kissed him, their noses pressed against each other, teeth sometimes meeting in gentle clicks that made her giggle halfway through a kiss, so that her warm breath washed over his face. She smelled so good, everything about her did—there was nothing he didn’t like about her, from the tips of her lekku down to her pretty little feet. She was…she was like nothing he could have ever dreamed of having.

He didn't know how long they were there for, didn’t know how long it had been since he had first sat down on the couch, nor did he care. Minutes, hours, days…he’d stay there until she told him to get out. His hands slid down her thighs, the last two of his fingers that could feel anything searching for the warmth of her skin, eager to feel anything other than the soft shirt she wore. She had said he could touch anywhere…why not take advantage? Odessa certainly didn’t hesitate; she had long abandoned her hold on his neck and played now with his shoulders, feeling him up, roving over his biceps and squeezing the firm muscle like she was testing him.

“I want to see,” she whispered coyishly. “Can you undress?”

“Uh….”

“Please?”

She ran her hands over the front of his chest, pressing against his pecs and making him jump. Ghoul made the mistake of looking down and felt his stomach clench at the sight of her green hands on his abdomen, her slender fingers already seeking out the near invisible seam where the upper half of his blacks connected to the bottom. She undid it easily, and snuck her hands beneath his top, sliding them against his abs and over his ribs.

“Kark,” Ghoul groaned, dropping his head back against the couch. If he hadn’t been on the way to a full erection before that moment, he certainly was now. He could feel his cock pulsing and tried to fight back the urge to shift; any disruption and she’d notice, without a doubt.

“Does that feel good?” she asked, scratching his sides with her short, neat nails.

“Nnn. Uh-huh.”

He hesitated only a moment longer, indulging in being touched in a way no one had ever touched him before, and then reached over his head to grasp at the back of his blacks. He pulled them off quickly, mindful not to hit Odessa in the face, and tried to ignore the fact that someone else, someone not a doctor, was going to be able to see the ugly scarring where his prosthetics grafted into his skin. The edges of his skin around his throat piece were still a darker red—healing could take years, he had been told after the surgery, but it seemed no matter what he did there was always a sense of tenderness there. The tattoos helped camouflage the worst of it, but–

“Wow,” Odessa exclaimed, immediately leaning in to touch the ink marking his skin. “Ghoul…this is beautiful! Look at how perfect the lines are…very dark and bold. And your arm! I have never seen tattoos like these!”

Her praise washed over him like a wave, yanking him under and rolling him until he didn’t know which direction was up or down. He was proud of his ink—almost every clone was—but to hear that kind of flattery from someone else…and his tattoos had been the first thing she noticed, not the scarring on his arm or throat, but the deliberate designs he chose to etch into his skin. Odessa traced the lines making up the geometric patterns over his collarbones, and ran her other hand down his arm, staring at the full length sleeve that tapered into a fade at his wrist.

"Got it after the prosthetics," Ghoul said, rotating his arm so she could see how the pattern covered every inch of skin. "Found a guy who did 'em the old way, none of that laser printing kark the shinies go to. Just…needle and ink."

"It sounds painful," Odessa said.

"I was still numb from the surgeries…guess I was just…tryin' to feel something again."

"Well, they are beautiful. Especially against your skin."

"My skin?"

"Mmhmm," she said, leaning forward to kiss his shoulder. Ghoul froze in place, not daring to breathe. "It is a good color, warm and bronze…it reminds me of Ryloth's desert."

"The, uhm, Jixuan?"

"You remembered! Yes, the same."

"Didn't get to see it," Ghoul gasped as Odessa slid her hands over his chest, unhindered by the protective layer his blacks had afforded him. He didn't yet know if it was for better or worse.

"Maybe one day you will," she said, dragging her nails across his skin and then, using only her middle finger, tracing a circle around one of his dusky nipples.

“Fuck,” Ghoul gasped as it stiffened, pleasure blooming outward from that one small spot, more intense than anything he had ever experienced on his own. He bucked his hips involuntarily, a stunted jolt that did nothing to dislodge her from his lap, but she glanced up at him sharply, having obviously felt the rigid length of him pressed against the underside of her thigh.

“Sorry,” he whispered frantically, “sorry, I–”

"Shh."

Odessa bit her lip and glanced between them, her eyes slightly hooded and her expression…contemplative. He watched her, holding his breath in anticipation as she rolled her lip between her teeth and, leisurely, trailed her fingers down his stomach. His abs jumped beneath her featherlight touch and, to his astonishment, Odessa curled her fingers beneath the waistband of his blacks and peeled the edge back deliberately.

He didn't even think to stop her before his erection came free, slapping against the lower part of his abdomen with a meaty sound that broke the silence between them and forced the air out of his lungs.

"Ooh," Odessa murmured, immediately curling a hand around his thick shaft, "you should have said something. I am not minding this."

"Ahhh," Ghoul gasped, grabbing hold of her wrist before she could do any real damage. "Wait, wait…stop. I…I can't. You can't. It's–"

"Shhh," she shushed him again, giving him a quick kiss to quell his stuttering. "Let me touch you? I have been thinking about this too."

"...y-you have?"

"Mmhmm. I told you I am attracted to you—that means this way, too."

"You don't hafta," he insisted, trying and failing to look anywhere but his cock in her dainty hand, her fingers wrapped around it, bunching the foreskin. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, and all he could feel was pleasure overriding everything, including his good senses. He couldn't let her…it was too much. He'd never forgive himself.

"But I want to," Odessa whispered, squeezing him unhurriedly. He tried to hold back the groan that ended up escaping him, but it was a futile endeavor. His grip on her wrist relaxed, just the faintest amount, and he felt he was fighting a losing battle.

"No one's…ever–" he panted, squeezing his eyes shut as she took advantage of his slackening hold to stroke his cock upward, shattering the rest of his argument.

"I know…please, let me make you feel good?"

He couldn't say no to her, he realized in that instant. She could have asked him for anything—anything at all—and he would have done everything in his power to make it happen. He felt defenseless against her…but maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Deep down, he knew he didn't want her to stop, either.

Whatever she was gonna do…he wanted her to do it.

"'Kay," he said, letting go of her wrist and curling his finger beneath her chin instead. She looked up at him with a shy smile, her cheeks and lekku dark with a blush. This time, Ghoul leaned in and kissed her, mimicking the way her mouth moved against his until she gave an airy sigh of satisfaction.

Her hand went to work, pumping his length with steady, practiced movements that tore through the vestiges of his doubt, until it was all he could do to stop himself from moaning out loud. He failed at that when he looked down and watched her roll her thumb over the head of his cock, smearing translucent precum over the tip and making the vein in his shaft throb.

"Oh fuck," he groaned, dropping his hand to her thigh, giving it a squeeze. "Fuck, that feels…ah, that feels so good."

"I like hearing you," she whispered, adding her other hand to the mix, dipping greedily past his blacks to palm his balls. "You are so beautiful…."

He didn't believe her for a second, but he was too focused on the way she was milking him to protest her ridiculous claim. Her hands were warm, soft, and the sensation of being touched by someone other than himself was so novel it kept him guessing what she'd do next. He couldn't decide between closing his eyes and giving himself over completely, or sitting up and watching because…who knew when this would ever happen again?

The way she jerked him was methodical, agonizing—he wanted to take hold of her hand and show her how he liked to fuck his fist when he was close (he was so close already but he couldn't let her know, she had only just started touching him and how embarrassing would it be to cum from just a few solid tugs?), but he was too mesmerized by the sight of her hands working him over, from the thick base back to the blunt tip.

Odessa bent over him, pressing her lips to his shoulder in another kiss that quickly multiplied into three more as she followed an invisible path down his chest. He felt her tongue, he thought, once or twice as she licked at him, but then there was a puff of hot air against his nipple and he had only a moment to steel himself before she had enveloped the little nub of flesh in her mouth.

"Ugggh," Ghoul groaned throatily, instinctively touching one of her lekku. "Odie, kark…."

She sucked patiently, flicking her tongue against his nipple in time with the movement of her hand on his cock and pulling noises from him like pieces of thread, like she intended to unravel him down to his core. He couldn't have kept quiet even if he had bothered to try at that point—his moans filled the room, words unneeded as he begged her to keep going, stroking the length of her lek until he reached the tapered end. He felt more than heard her resulting moan in the reverberation through his flesh as she continued to roll her tongue against his nipple, finally pulling away with a lush little pop.

"They are sensitive," she gasped as he bent the end of her lek over his finger, testing its flexibility. "Not too hard, please…."

"What if I hurt you?" Ghoul asked, hesitating.

"Do you want to hurt me?"

"No, of course not."

"Then you won't. I trust you."

Unconvinced, he lightened his touch, stroking back up the length of one thick lek with just the backs of his flesh fingers, indulging in the texture of her skin and amazed by how tensile it was. He had assumed they were stiff, like solid muscle around bone, but he was surprised at their versatility. And he…he liked the way Odessa's face looked every time he touched them.

"Am I doing it right?" he asked, fixated on the way her eyes shut and her brows knit together.

“Mmhmm,” she moaned, pulling down his blacks to rest beneath his balls. She spat into her palm and took hold of him again, stroking him with one hand while the other rolled over his cockhead in a circular motion until he felt like he was going to black out from pleasure. Nothing could feel this good, nothing was meant to feel like this, not on purpose. Ghoul canted his hips into her grasp, wanting more than she could give, and more than he knew how to ask for. Her lek slipped from his grip and he grasped at the arm of the couch for support, clenching the cushion tight.

“Ahh, ah, Odie,” he groaned, bracing himself with both feet against the floor as he lifted his hips, holding onto her bicep with his other hand for support. The pressure was too much; he had always liked the way it felt to edge himself, to test the limits of his endurance until he couldn’t hold back any longer. His orgasms always felt better the longer he denied himself release…but there was no resisting Odessa’s hold on him. She clung to his hips with her thighs and steadied herself with nothing but her core strength—it reminded him of the way she had spun around the pole, at Rollo’s, how easily she held and carried herself across the stage, with confidence and grace.

“Shh, it is okay,” she murmured, poking her tongue between her lips as she hastened the movement of her hands, fucking him on her fist until the slip of his foreskin over his frenulum almost drove him crazy. Ghoul grabbed her wrist with the intention of pushing her off before it was too late, but she squeezed at just the right moment and he shouted, cock twitching heavily in her hold as he came all over himself, sending white streaks of seed shooting up his stomach and chest, damn near to his shoulder.

“Fuuu—uck,” Ghoul groaned, his stomach spasming from the sudden release as Odessa milked him through it, her hand covered in his spend as she smeared it up and down his shaft. He was so sensitive, so tender it almost hurt when she continued to pump him, but the ache was decadent, luxurious in a way he hadn’t known existed before now. He panted heavily, dropping his head back against the couch and trying to catch his breath as he shuddered beneath her, his nerve endings all vying to be the first to send him in a shivering fit.

Dimly, he was aware of something warm and wet rimming his eyes, but before he could wipe it away Odessa was there, pressing her lips to the corners of his eyes and kissing him gently.

“Why tears, Freykaa?” she asked sweetly. “Was it too much?”

“N-no,” he said, chest still heaving. He closed his eyes and covered them with a shaking hand, trying to get a hold of himself. His lungs felt tight and his throat worked up and down of its own accord, but he refused, refused to cry in front of her—it was bad enough he had orgasmed so quickly, making a mess of himself and her like he was a brand new shiny fresh out of the tube.

“I’m…I’m fine,” he managed to get out before a deep shudder worked its way through his entire body. He choked on his words and inhaled shakily, fooling no one, not even himself. Odessa kissed the corners of his eyes again, her lips soft, her skin fragrant, and her touch so gentle it almost tore a hole right through his resolve. Despite his best efforts, a few more tears slipped free, dripping down his cheeks before she wiped them away with her thumbs.

“Sorry,” Ghoul whispered, ashamed and avoiding her gaze.

"For what?" Odessa asked, no judgment in her tone. "For crying? It is nothing to apologize for. You are allowed to experience and express emotions…is it that you are not used to that?"

He didn't know how she could manage to be so pinpoint accurate with her assumptions, but it made it easier to talk to her when he didn't have to force himself to articulate his every thought. She was right, at any rate, and he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. If he didn't try to talk…he couldn't say anything incriminating.

"You do not have to hide from me," Odessa said, cupping his cheek. Her fingers slid back to touch his ear and he grimaced, thinking about his hearing aid, but she didn't stop until she held the back of his neck. Her forehead met his in a gentle press and for a moment he wondered if it was some cruel trick of the universe or some higher power that had led him here, after all he had been through, in order to teach him some kind of cosmic lesson about humility.

"I feel stupid," he mumbled.

"Why stupid?"

"...I wanted…I didn't wanna stop. But I couldn't hold off and now it's over."

"...it does not have to be," Odessa said. She shifted and touched the tip of her finger to his member, trapped between them but still erect. He grunted at the contact and gave her a curious look.

"Is this normal for you?" she asked, pulling his cock away from where it lay against his stomach and letting it spring back. He hissed, still overly sensitive, but felt desire ramp back up in his veins as if it were the first time.

"...yeah, I guess. Always…always been able to last longer on my own, though."

Odessa nodded and traced her finger down the underside of his length, stopping just above his balls. He inhaled like a kriffing rancor and wished she'd do more, even if it ached, even if it hurt. He just…wanted her hands on him again.

"...I want you," she confessed after teasing him with more deliberate touches. "I do not mind saying it. If…if you—"

"Yes," Ghoul interrupted breathlessly. "Whatever you're about to say, yes. I…I want you too. I don't want to stop an' I don't have anywhere to be."

She bit her lip and he wanted to bite it too, wanted to leave her with the imprint of his teeth in a place she wouldn't soon forget, just so he could say he had been there, if only for a short time.

Ghoul watched her, dread and anticipation warring with one another inside of him as he waited for her to say something. It was selfish to hope for more than she had already given him, but maybe her kindness had spoiled him—if she was willing, then he'd take everything she had to give. As if seeking to convince her, he took the end of one of her lekku and lifted it to his mouth for a brief kiss. She gasped, her hand pressed against her chest in an instant.

"I…I wanna make you feel good too," he said, hoping it was the right kind of thing to say.

Her lekku spasmed, curling in a way he had come to associate with some kind of positive emotion. Hope welled up inside of him when she smiled, her cheeks bluish-green as she blushed prettily.

"I would like that," Odessa admitted. Then, without warning, she threaded one lek through the stretched neckline of her shirt, yanking the rest up and over her head in one swift motion.

Oh, Ghoul thought, before higher brain function failed him.

It didn't occur to him that she might be naked beneath her clothes, but there she was, all of her, bright and nude and svelte, perched atop his thighs and smiling for all the world like she had just won a game only she knew they were playing.

"I would like that very much."

#star wars oc #clone wars oc #odessa x ghoul #friend oc #THE WAY I STRUGGLED #but i will not be conquered #sorry to leave ya'll like this #but 42 pages is a lot #and im not trying to make it 80 in one go lmao #UGH #THE BABIES #the mun writes

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