#at least instead of saying we must ''learn to accept it''

[kn11ves]

i entirely agree that humans should depend on each other more and that we should try to approach people with open minds and not believe that they are out to get us, on that note, shaming and chastising people for not feeling comfortable to depend on other people and telling them that they need to fix it or they're actually MORE of a bother and a burden is probably not the best way to go about it

#10000 millionth post where some tumblr users' opinion breaches containment and i must comment on it vaguely #listen it is sort of upsetting how it really is true that the majority of those call-out-y posts on peoples' behaviours can be really #damaging for people with ocd. like you re just going to send us on a spiral because now we arent even sure if the thing we were trying to d #as to not cause other people pain is actually causing more pain and oh dear god we're really terrible people ohh fack ive known all along #i think the first step to making people feel more comfortable to take your help and hospitality is probably approaching them kindly? #at least instead of saying we must ''learn to accept it'' #plus the mention of individualism and comunialism-- i agree individualism has hurt a lot of people and it is very bad #although to some degree i dont think it is entirely wrong you cannot fully depend on everyone 100% of the time for your own safety #we are as a society not there yet where that is possible. etc etc also learned helplessness #but anyways if youre going to talk about individualism then you have to actually acknowledge that a lot of collectivist societies have cult #cultures in which REFUSING THE HOSPITALITY IS PART OF THE CULTURE!!!! where youre meant to say no many times as a show of respect and as th #host continues to offer it. as well many many many MANY people born from immigrant parents or who are immigrants themselves have a shared #experience of being raised to be as completely clean and polite and small as possible when in someone elses' home #it just really rubbed me the wrong way the entire post... #i just dont think you should get so upset someone doesnt accept your hospitality consider everything is not erm about you and maybe they #arent comfortable enough with you or are having a bad day ? #''i can always tell when they are only saying it because they dont want to be a bother'' no u litearlly cannot #anyways it was a very american post that i did not like. #do help each other and take the help when you need it though we need that.

[unbidden-yidden]

And just to follow up on that previous reblog without derailing it: a lot of the really weird relationships and discourse that exist out there in the neo-pagan, Satanist, and atheist communities are in fact echoes of the weird relationship that Xtianity has with Judaism.

Xtianity has a weird, tumultuous relationship with Judaism because they must simultaneously validate the Tanakh and the Jews who created it or else their own religion is devoid of context and built on a house of cards. But! If they validate Judaism, then they have to grapple with the fact that the Jews did not accept their interpretation of the Tanakh, that we still, against all odds, exist, and that because we still exist, we are still around to point out the ways in which the New Testament does not fit with the Tanakh and that the Tanakh does not inherently or naturally point to Jesus. And that's to say nothing of the bloody history of Xtianity towards Judaism. Our continued existence is a sore point and a weakness in the Xtian narrative that has been a constant source of irritation, frustration, and violence since the dawn of Xtianity. And, at the same time, there is a certain fascination with Judaism related to things that have been appropriated by Xtians or understood as particularly useful in spreading supercessionist ideas. So what you wind up with is a toxic mix of antisemitism and philosemitism (effectively fetishization and orientalism) that drives too many Xtians to "love" us by attacking our beliefs and way of life, and stealing whatever they think will be most helpful in their mission (especially as it pertains to Jews) in order to try and convert us.**

Many people who have also been hurt from inside of Xtianity or by the broader Xtian culture they live in seek to deconstruct those ideas by creating an inverse of Xtianity in one way or another. Those who turn to Satanism typically do this by worshipping the opposite force of the Xtian god. Those who turn to neo-paganism typically do this by embracing an unambiguously polytheistic religion and/or by turning to the cultural historical enemies of Xtianity. Those who turn to atheism typically do this by rejecting "God," "faith," and "organized religion" (as these concepts are understood by Xtian norms.)

And honestly? That's fine. If it helps, if it brings you meaning and joy, knock yourselves out. I have no problem with people turning to these beliefs for reasons of healing as well as simply being drawn to it. And for what it's worth, I did a similar thing by turning to Judaism. Obviously I had many other reasons for becoming a Jew as well, and I assume that's true for the aforementioned folks, too. Judaism healed a lot of Xtianity-shaped wounds for me, and if your paganism, Satanism, and/or atheism helps you in the same way as well as bringing you meaning, I sincerely wish you the best.

However, the problem is that many times, unless you turn to Judaism and learn our side of the story, it's very difficult to deconstruct the antisemitism of your past entanglement with Xtianity. Xtian antisemitism has permeated western society so thoroughly for so long that it is real *work* to identify and unlearn it. Those converting to Judaism have the benefit of the Jewish community and extensive educational resources to help. Other folks do not.

Here's the problem: if you simply invert Xtian ideas, you are still treating Xtianity as the baseline reality from which your other assumptions and beliefs flow. If you just choose the opposite at every chance, you divorce yourself from Xtianity, but not its prejudices.

Now you might fairly ask, "hey Avital, if we are making the opposite choice at every turn, wouldn't that invert the antisemitism to being at least neutral if not positive towards Judaism?" And that would be perfectly logical! But unfortunately deeply and (for us) dangerously incorrect.

The reason is because (1) antisemitism has never been rational but reactionary instead, (2) philosemitism is also bad, and (3) it is structured in a way that it's pretty much always "heads I win, tails you lose." Have you ever noticed that according to antisemites, Jews are both ultra-white and also dirty foreign middle eastern invaders? That we are supposedly very powerful and run the world, but are also weak and degenerate? That both the Right and the Left have extensive antisemitism problems? Etc.? There's a reason - it's because antisemitism is designed to other us no matter what. So oftentimes I see folks inverting Xtian philosemitism to being "those awful fundamentalist Old Testamenters" or inverting Xtian antisemitism to valorizing Judaism, but only to the extent that they can meme-ify our religion down to fighting God and/or being un-pious godless liberals.

But like other groups, we are a diverse and complicated group with a very long history and a lot of trauma to boot.

If you're trying to unpack your Xtian conditioning, please also unpack your antisemitism and philosemitism. If not for our sake and for it being the right thing to do, at least do it for yourselves, because unless you deconstruct that as well, you will still be operating within a really ugly aspect of a Xtian mindset.

(**Please note that this isn't literally all Xtians everywhere, but it is a lot of Xtians in most places and throughout most of history. There are absolutely Xtians who are good allies to Jews, but they are much smaller in number and are swimming upstream in their relationship to both Jews and Xtianity.)

[germiyahu]

There's such an intricate interplay between antisemitism and islamophobia from the slacktivist left. For every reason they can think of to delegitimize the Jewish People's connection to Eretz Yisrael, it's propped up by some Noble Savage presumptions about Palestinians/Arabs/Muslims.

Since Jews in America are seen as a model minority, seen as having accessed whiteness and privilege, and "antisemitism" is at worst having to explain what Hanukah is to clueless Christians, the Left is confused as to exactly why Jews care about Jerusalem and the Land of Israel so much. Shouldn't they be above such petty and barbaric and outdated concerns such as a dusty old book from 2,000 years ago?

They should be more enlightened than that. They're all rich suburban secular Democrats. They're the leftist religion, according to bloggers on this very platform. There is no room for Judaism to be a religion, there's no acknowledgment of ancient customs, rituals, and the deep mysticism that's still alive and well in the Jewish community. There's no attempt to understand Jewish history and culture and why a group of people you think shares your vaguely atheistic vaguely liberal (and not in the Tankie sense) vaguely smug detached Western worldview... is more complex and unique than that.

Jews should be happy living in Diaspora because clearly the problem of antisemitism is fixed now, and never really was a problem in America. There must be something sinister behind a desire to reestablish a country by and for Jews. There must be something colonial, oppressive, European and White about it. Because why else would they do it? They have it good here. And no we won't acknowledge where Israelis primarily descend from because that requires us to do research and have a shred of nuance and integrity when it comes to Jews. No thanks!

A lot of the modern left is nonconsensually dragging Jews kicking and screaming from their own unique demographic toward the banal Norm. To themselves. But not totally. See they think they relate to Jews and vice versa, but not enough that when they think Jews should "know better," or haven't "learned their lesson," from the Holocaust, it engenders a deep seeded disgust and mistrust and rage that's not felt for actually privileged mainstream dominant society.

Conversely, the slacktivist Left sees Arabs as savages. Silly desert people who eat sand and worship a big black cube and cover every inch of their bodies for some reason. How quaint! When the Palestinian/Arab/Muslim cause explains that Jerusalem is important to them, the White Western Leftist nods sagely and says "Your culture is so valid queen," because they don't care. They just accept that Muslim society would be willing to fight over an ancient city proscribed as holy in dusty old tomes. Because that fits the narrative already surrounding Muslims.

They're seen as backwards, but the Left, reacting to their conservative parents and the Bush era, see "Muslims are backwards," and says not "No actually they're modern groups of people with practical geopolitical goals," but instead "Yeah and that makes them better than us!" Especially with this new crop of baby Leftists who think Islamo-Fascist "Feudalism" or whatever the best term would be, is aspirational or at least harmless... because it's not capitalism :)

So Muslims are infantilized and condescended to because the Western Leftist is still just as racist as their parents, but they feel guilty about their parents without considering their contribution to White Supremacy and the Post Bush surveillance state. And all the while Jews are reprimanded and held to an impossible standard because the Western Leftist, again, rejects their conservative parents' philosemitism, and decides that Jews Must be Punished when they step off the pedestal that Suffering the Shoah placed them on.

Jews should be above nationalism, Jews should know that demurely suffering pogroms and ethnic cleansing and genocide and general inequity and humiliation will earn them their divine reward in the end. Muslims should not be above nationalism, because they're not capable of being above it, and can't we throw them a bone, after all Obama was the worst president in history because of the Drone War and let's not mention George W Bush at all :0

Hot take, but I believe this is an essential underpinning of where the average disaffected White millennial/zoomer Leftist's head is at with regard to Israel and Palestine. They won't acknowledge it of course, but I can generally see through things like this.

#jumblr #israel #palestine #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #islamophobia

[ronwestbreeze]

you're gonna go far | 6

pairing: jake sully x neytiri x tsu'tey x fem!human! reader summary: a scientist arrives on pandora (unwillingly) a year after the exile of the rda. now she must deal with the likes of a clan leader, a great warrior, and a thanator rider. . . word count: 8.5k

read on AO3

It was a little difficult to get out of bed that morning.

One of those days.

Long and exhausting. It was challenging to get stuff done. You knew things like this wouldn’t just go away instantly. But you hoped that maybe…

It wasn’t too bad like before. You were able to think about the chores that had to be done later in the day and pushed yourself out of the bedroom.

So you went through most of the day barely existing. Norm was the first to notice your slight change in behavior because he began trying to joke more with you—no matter how bad they ended up being—and tried getting you out of your head. And you were thankful for that. At least that’s what was different this time around. You weren’t entirely alone nor held up in your room.

That was progress, right? You honestly couldn’t tell. Sometimes you felt like you were still stuck, that you weren’t moving forward. Or getting better. At least back to what you used to be.

Yet, you’ve been this way—asleep—for so long that you have forgotten what you used to be like. You forgot when the last time you smiled. You forgot when you felt the most happy or any other emotion besides anger and grief.

You wondered where that part of you went. Some days you went searching. Other days you somberly accepted that it was a part of you, that you were never going to get back.

At some point, you figured it died along with your mother.

“You want me to check on the baby today?” Norm asked you as you were getting ready for your link for the day.

You shook your head as you sat on the link bed, “No, I’ll be fine. Just one of those days, you know? We all have em’.”

He frowned when you shrugged it off or appeared a little too nonchalant about it, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Thanks for offering though.”

“Anytime, Doc.” He gave you a pat on the shoulder, while watching you particularly closely, “Just tell me you need a break. Don’t push yourself, okay?”

He was nice. You needed something like that.

Neytiri noticed it too.

While the two of you were in the garden that day, Neytiri had been saying words in Na’vi for you to repeat. And you did it, not perfectly of course, but you managed. It was just that you didn’t take in any information. Not in the way she knew you to.

You had a certain look that told Neytiri you were hanging onto her every word, whenever you were learning something new from her. Eyes slightly vibrant with curiosity.

That look wasn’t there today. Instead, in its place was a dullness and lifeless sort of unfocused gaze.

Your ears were low again.

Neytiri didn’t know when she became so attentive to your moods or facial expressions. So much so that she could tell when you were somewhat happy and really, painfully sad—

You were just easy to read in this form.

Yes, that was it.

“What is wrong, tanhi?” Neytiri eventually asked because she didn’t completely despise you so much to ignore your change in mood.

There was a twitch in your ears when you heard your name being called. You looked up from the newly planted mushroom seeds you had been mentally counting at Neytiri to find her staring at you expectantly. “Huh?”

She rolled her eyes, “You are not listening. I know you are distracted. What is wrong with you?”

You cringed at yourself for allowing yourself to get so distracted by your swimming thoughts. Drowning in them as usual. “It’s nothing. Just have a lot on my mind.”

But the answer did not satisfy her. Neytiri shook her head, “Sky People are always hiding their feelings. You are doing that. It is okay to be sad. It is natural.”

“I’m not hiding it—” You sighed, turning your gaze back to the mushroom seeds. “It’s just one of those days. Maybe—Maybe today I am sad. I could barely get out of bed and tomorrow it might be worse—what are you doing?”

You watched as Neytiri got up and moved behind you. A second later, you feel a brief tugging at your hair until it became loose from your short braid. “If you want to learn our ways, then you must take care of your hair. I look at it and it is a mess.”

“It was in a braid before…”

“I did not like it.”

With that, she got up again and trekked back into the forest. You watched her go in bewilderment at the sudden change of conversation and attitude from the Na’vi woman. You had no idea what had come over the woman or what made her suddenly leave, but you didn’t focus on it for too long. The confusion and startlement you had was enough energy to continue planting the rest of the mushrooms. You didn’t bother putting your hair back into a braid, not wanting to spend time threading through the thick strands until your fingers were too sore to complete your job. And the last thing you needed was something stopping you from finishing this one simple task—

A splash of cold water was suddenly dumped onto your head, leaving you soaking wet.

And terribly pissed.

You snapped your head behind you to find Neytiri placing the leaf down next to her—which was glistening with water. The same water that was now spilled all over you.

“Neytiri—ouch!”

“Hold still.” Neytiri hissed at you as she ran her long fingers through your hair.

You grumbled but reluctantly listened, still confused and a bit pissed at what was going on. And for a while, the two of you remained there. You, sitting on the ground still counting the seeds quietly to yourself while Neytiri stayed behind you. Braiding a few strands of hair.

It was then you realized just how different your hair was from the way it was in your human body. The hair length was very similar to how you used to wear it when you were a teenager. You wondered then just how old this avatar body was.

Once she was finally finished, she crouched down in front of you to get a better look. Her yellow irises scanning your face and her work. Tucking rebellious strands behind your ear, patting down some of the fuzziness, and making sure the braid was visible around your face.

You watched her quietly. And soon, when she was done obsessing over your hair, she watched you too.

It wasn’t the way you and Jake watched each other. This—this had something different about it.

Time was an illusion here. Trapped in her yellow gaze. You hadn’t realized you had been staring for so long—nor did you realize you had briefly glanced at her lips—until a sudden sound from the forest pulled the both of you out of this strange trance.

And once you snapped to your senses, your body quickly reacted. You shot to your feet and cleared your throat, “I gotta check on the avatar now.” You didn’t meet her gaze. “I’ll see you.”

Before she could stop you, you already scurried off. Stopping once you were far enough away out of her sight.

Stopping when you felt a new pair of eyes watching you rather closely.

You glanced around the forest surroundings as you approached the longhouse with a frown until your eyes locked on another pair of yellow eyes. Severe ones.

Tsu’tey was in the trees further away but enough for you to see him watching you, even when you caught him doing so. He did not look away from you. Narrowed eyes and that scowl resting on his angular face.

For a moment you wondered what the look was for. You wondered what he could yell at you about this time, even though you listened to his demands and had stayed away from the Omatikaya territory.

A scared part of you wondered if he had seen you and Neytiri just now.

Nothing happened. But still, it would give enough ammunition for him to verbally attack you. Hate you even more possibly.

Except there would be no battle today. As Tsu’tey disappeared within the trees without a word.

You were confused but relieved at the same time.

Dealing with an angry clan leader was not on your to-do list. Nor were you properly prepared for it.

After watching the trees in silence, you eventually went inside.

Neytiri watched your retreating figure with a frown, her heart…shifting—only a little bit as you disappeared. Her gaze then moved toward the trees, the area where the sound had come from before. And with an irritated frown, she got up and stalked toward the area.

They were still there. She could feel their eyes on her as she went further into the forest. With a hiss, she glared at the trees, “Come out. Enough hiding!”

Just a little bit above her, a few feet away a familiar warrior snaked out of the bushes and seated himself on the large branch with his usual expression he wore whenever he was away from their shared hut.

Neytiri frowned up at Tsu’tey, “You are watching me.”

“I am watching her.”

After a beat and a quiet sigh, Neytiri climbed up the tree and joined him. Despite his very sour mood, he tugged her close to his side as they sat together. On the branch, they had a good view of the Avatar Compound. A few dreamwalkers were running about but none of them seemed to bother Tsu’tey as much as you did. Neytiri could easily tell with how he kept glaring at the longhouse, the same place she always watched you disappear in whenever you left your false body.

“You have been spending time with her,” Tsu’tey stated more so than asking. There wasn’t much to hide, they both knew Neytiri spent some of her free time visiting you. Only when Tsu’tey or Jake are busy with their duties and she’s finished with hers before the both of them. “I do not like it.”

“She has done nothing.” Neytiri reasoned.

“Yet.”

“And what did I say if she does? I would kill her myself.”

As she said this, Neytiri felt a certain wavering in her heavy words. Like a part of her didn’t believe it anymore.

She rested her head on his shoulder, hugging his arm with a content sigh, “But I cannot ignore what the Great Mother has shown me. She has stopped my bow before and now she’s done it a second time. Do you not think it means something, yawne?”

In the corner of her, she watched as his jaw tightened, his features becoming particularly focused. “I do not trust this.”

“You do not trust the Great Mother?”

“That is not what I mean.” He corrected her calmly. Neytiri knew that Tsu’tey, like any other child of Eywa respected her and trusted in her signs. Always had. That was how he was raised. And she knew he wasn’t about to abandon that because of one demon.

But his words were still reluctant, “I do not know where our Great Mother is leading us. I do not know why she wants that demon spared—when she is just like the rest of them.”

Neytiri considered his words, “Perhaps she is like Jake—”

“There is only one Jake. And she is nothing like him.”

She made a sound of disagreement but didn’t push further on the subject. She noticed how tense he was, how tense he had been for the past week. She wondered then if he was truly upset by this or if there was something more to this quiet anger he so carefully restrained. Of course, his hatred for the Sky People was no question.

But Neytiri knew Tsu’tey.

Skin and bone. Heart and soul.

She knew her mate. Not only as a mate but as a friend. They had grown up together. Along with her sister, Sylwanin. There was nothing he could hide from her even if he tried.

“She may not be like Jake. But clearly, the Great Mother has chosen her for a reason. My mother even allows her to stay—I believe it is time you seek the answers.”

Tsu’tey scoffed but didn’t brush her off. Instead, he leaned in closer, allowing his hand to rest on her growing stomach. “You will be a great Tsahik.”

“Not as great as my mother. Nor my sister.”

Tsu’tey shook his head and cupped her cheek, “You will be great, my beautiful heart.”

A soft smile tugged at her lips only to falter when she noticed how exhausted he truly looked. How close he looked to breaking but hiding it. He could never hide it well from her. Nor Jake.

She then took his face in her hands and whispered soothingly, “What is it, my love?”

Knowing that there was no point in denying a response—knowing that Neytiri would not stop until she got what she wanted—Tsu’tey turned away from her to stare back at the compound.

“The Tipani clan are becoming reckless. They already do not like the Sky People that have stayed—but now that the demon has come, I worry they will begin to take matters into their own hands. I worry…that our clans will begin to clash.”

Neytiri took his hand in hers and pressed a gentle kiss onto his knuckles, “If it comes to it, I will stand by you. Jake will too. But I also will ask you to speak to our Great Mother about your troubles.” She caressed his exhausted lines with a small frown, “I worry for you, Tsu’tey. I do not want you to take on this task by yourself. You have Jake and I to be with you. That is why Eywa brought us together.”

Right then, he seemed to consider her words. His gaze was still unfocused while staring at the longhouse. A silence settled between them.

“Eywa has created this new path for us.” Tsu’tey mused. “Somedays I wonder if it will lead to something good in the end.”

“Do you think it won’t?”

He was silent. And Neytiri didn’t push.

When Tsu’tey went to the Vitraya Ramunong, the night had already settled around him. When he went to kneel at the tree, connecting his queue to one of the links, his prayers were silent. But his questions were clear. His intention was pure to the Great Mother.

What does it all mean? Guide me, All Mother.

So when a single atokirina flew away from the tree, Tsu’tey took to following it both out of curiosity and apprehension. The Great Mother’s answers weren’t always clear. If anything, her signs only led to more questions.

So, Tsu’tey wondered. He wondered if this would lead to any more answers.

Or just more unwanted questions.

Tsu’tey rushed through the forest, never losing sight of the spirit. He kept going and going until he was nearing the Sky People’s base. Until the trees suddenly became familiar. Until the grounds he had seen many times before unwillingly began to appear around him.

But his body never stopped moving. He never stopped following it. Too desperate for answers. Too desperate, too yearning.

Oh Eywa, he was yearning.

And then, and then, and then.

And then he was staring down at your still false body.

It was strange. Seeing no life in your face. Tsu’tey had only seen your false body from far away, but now seeing you up close. You looked so different yet the same as your human form.

Why was he here? Why did the spirit bring him to…

No.

No.

No.

His vision rippled. Your body morphed from your human form to your false body—impossible.

And then he woke up.

Awake.

Awake.

Awake.

Tsu’tey finally realized where he was. Instead of standing in the middle of the forest chasing an atokirina, instead of standing over your false body, he was back in his hut. With his mates sleeping next to him. With his son cuddled between both Jake and him. With Neytiri hugging his waist from behind.

A dream. It was only a dream.

But why you? Why you?

Why?

“Yawne?” Tsu’tey breathed out a sigh and looked over his shoulder to find Jake shifting out of his sleep, looking at him through heavy eyelids. He sat up a bit, careful not to disturb Neteyam’s sleep as he did, “Another nightmare?”

Tsu’tey hesitated—considered the question. The dream he just had. Was it a nightmare?

“No. I am fine. Go back to sleep, my love.”

Jake didn’t look entirely convinced but eventually lied back down. Usually, it took a while for Jake to fall asleep, so Tsu’tey lay back down, adjusting Neytiri’s arm around his waist and squeezing his other hand on Jake’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jake asked, his voice deep and sluggish.

Tsu’tey nodded, and tucked his nose into Neteyam’s cheek as gently as he could, “I am now.”

It took you a little longer to get out of bed the following week. But you managed. You watched a few more of your mother’s logs and even some of the other ones still in the system.

Dr. Augustine. Norm. Some guy named Quaritch. And then there was Jake Sully.

As a human.

You paused the video to examine his face. You suppose the traits matched his now blue form. The only difference was that instead of his longish dreads, he had a buzz cut in the video. And a tattoo poking out of his short sleeve shirt.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget his face for the time being.

You also tried not to think about the fact that Neytiri hadn’t been back for about a week now. Which was normal. You didn’t overthink it. Especially not after that moment—

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget your thoughts about her.

Then you remembered Tsu’tey. Him watching you so closely. You hoped he didn’t see you and Neytiri. Frankly, you weren’t sure what would happen if he did know.

He’d kill you. That’s for sure.

Eventually, you moved on, willing yourself to forget all three of them.

When you finally got out of bed, you continued with your regular schedule and tried to think of literally anything else. You tended to your garden by yourself and continued checking the baby.

There was a bit of determination for yourself, to keep moving. To not stay in one place any longer or else you’d be stuck.

And you weren’t sure if you’d make it out if you did.

Jake continued visiting the tank room whenever he could.

Today was one of them. Only this time you made it before he did.

“How’s the baby?”

You glanced up briefly from your notes, “Healthy. It might be because Na’vi babies might grow faster in pregnancy—judging by that we might have a couple more months before it’s born.”

Jake nodded, his face serious, “Anything else?”

For a brief second you didn’t respond, too caught up in your thoughts until you realized he had asked you a question. Jake tilted his head, brows furrowed at you.

You shook your head eventually, “No, everything’s all normal.”

He stared at the belly for a moment longer before he left. You were somewhat surprised at his quick retreat but didn’t think much about it. He was some type of great warrior, he was probably busy with something else in his clan. If it meant that the two of you didn’t have to interact much with him anymore or probably a lot shorter than before, then you were okay with it.

It seemed he finally took the hint.

All you could do was keep moving.

Jake came again the next day.

This time around you brought out the ultrasound.

He watched you and the machine intensely. You noticed and gave a sound close to a huff or a snort, “Nothing’s wrong with it. I’m just doing a thorough check-up today.”

A quick look of relief crossed his otherwise exhausted features, “Right, right, of course.”

Once you got the ultrasound running and connected to the avatar, you immediately found the heartbeat with the blurry image of the fetus appearing on the screen. It had grown considerably since the first time you saw it.

“There she is.” You mumbled mostly to yourself. The heartbeat was calming in a way, easing your usual tense muscles.

Jake perked up instantly, staring at you in disbelief, “She? It’s a girl?”

You glanced up at him briefly to find a soft expression on his face upon looking at the fetus. Neteyam—who you just noticed attached to his chest—sleepily snuggled closer to his father’s chest. When his head moved out of the sling, Jake held the back of his head, giving it support.

“Yes.” You gave a short nod.

Another look of relief flashed across his face, this time he didn’t try to hide it like before. A small smile tugged at his lips, “That’s—That’s nice. Amazing.”

In the corner of your eye, you watched him. That easy fatherly expression fell upon his face. How soft his smile was, for something that wasn’t even his. You weren’t sure what to think of it—no, you expected it. It was foreign. A father loving his child. To you at least.

You didn’t know your father. Nor did you have a father figure in your life. That type of love was unfamiliar to you.

Love itself was a foreign concept that you could not yet grasp. The only time you could truly say you experienced something close—similar to love—was with your mother.

And if love was like this—heavy. Leaving you…like this.

You weren’t sure you would want to experience any type of love ever again.

“You sure you’re ready to take on another?” You raised your brows, not looking up from the belly.

Jake looked at you, “Do you care for my answer?”

“I am watching over her. I suppose I should make sure she is left with somewhat tolerable parents—that is, if there aren’t any problems with her when she’s born.” You hummed, rolling your eyes at the sudden look of worry on his face. “Relax, that’s the standard check-up of any baby—well, I don’t know how different it will be compared to human ones.”

A beat went by before he finally answered, “I wouldn’t be honest if I said I wasn’t nervous. What new parent isn’t?”

“Mmm.”

The rest of the session was just the two of you, sitting in a somewhat comfortable silence. Comfortable for you because you were able to ignore him without any problems. And Jake wasn’t being too talkative or apologetic, which was a plus. But he was noticeably less hostile toward you as the time went by. Showing that he was taking the truce quite seriously and keeping his end of the bargain.

In other words, the truce was possibly the best option for you both. You could work in peace without being hammered or interrogated. And Jake would continue his visits without any problems.

You still didn’t like him. And you were sure the feelings were mutual.

But things were becoming easier.

And sometimes you like easy. Just as much as a challenge.

There was a part of him that was curious. Jake didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand Neytiri’s easy trust in you but it only made him more curious as he kept coming to see the baby.

Of course, you were guarded and curt around him. And he was quite the same but that didn’t mean he wasn’t at least a little bit interested in why you were so important to their deity.

So many questions.

A part of him wanted to ask Eywa himself—he wasn’t much used to praying to her but he would now and then out of respect for the People. If he asked, he would possibly gain an answer—which was incredibly rare—or he would gain more questions, which was the more common response.

So, Jake took to finding things out for himself. Even if it meant doing it the hard way. Even if it meant getting his head out of his ass and finally putting things into perspective.

Jake Sully was willing to at least keep this tolerable relationship with you going. Keeping this stable cord steady. You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. It was time he had to get used to it. It was time for him to get over himself.

And he was willing to show that he did want something different. That he was ready to change, to finally understand you in a way.

But you still didn’t like him. Which was fine.

He didn’t like himself all that much either.

Another week went by and Neytiri still hadn’t come back. Surprisingly, you found yourself missing her. And when you began missing others, you got angry.

Since you didn’t feel like going through that process again, you resolved yourself to thinking that she must’ve gotten busy with her clan. Or grown tired of watching over you and your depressing personality once she realized that you weren’t a threat to her clan.

That must’ve been it. That’s what you chose to believe at that moment.

One day at a time.

You moved forward. Because you had to.

Throughout the week you focused on your work tending to the garden, checking on the baby, and even taking on more responsibilities around Hell’s Gate.

Sometimes you’d help Dr. Patel in the bio labs, other times you went with the other avatars to train your body. There were also days you would help Norm pack different human items he’d usually bring for the Na’vi children of the Omatikaya Clan. You, of course, never ventured too close to their territory whenever you went with him to drop off the items. You’d either stay in the ship you flew in or stay at the base as he left on his own.

Jake still kept coming around but his time there became shorter and shorter with each visit. Again, you didn’t bat an eye. You welcomed it and continued with your work.

Toward the end of your busy and long week, you woke up with a start when a blaring sound struck your room. It had to have been the middle of the night as you looked around frantically, only to realize the sound was coming from your tablet.

Quickly, you grabbed it to find the alarm was the system alerting you something was wrong.

And the problem was coming from the tank room.

You stumbled out of your bedroom and dashed through the long halls until you finally ended up in the tank room. Not caring that you were probably making a bunch of noise in the process.

When you got to Augustine’s tank, your heart sank when you found Grace’s avatar was violently twitching with the lights inside of the tank blaring a red.

“Fuck!” You hissed as you immediately checked for the problem.

The first thing you checked was the avatar itself. Her heart and the baby’s were fine but the avatar’s was slightly elevated, probably in response to whatever was happening to the machine which was the next thing you began to check.

There you discovered that something in it was malfunctioning. Throwing the liquid temperature off, the placentiums weren’t giving any more nutrients like they were supposed to. Whatever was going on, you didn’t have time to fix it or the machine.

If you wasted time like that more damage could be done and you weren’t going to risk that. Especially when the baby was in there. Especially when the baby could receive the worst of your mistake. Of this malfunction.

So, you worked fast.

You searched the room for an empty tank—which you were able to find and rolled it over next to the one Dr. Augustine’s avatar was in. You pulled the empty tank open just as Norm and a few other scientists entered.

“What happened?!” Norm questioned hastily.

Quickly, you jumped down from the empty tank and rushed toward Grace’s, “It’s malfunctioning. I don’t know why but we have to move her.”

Thankfully, Norm didn’t ask any more questions. He ordered the other scientists to help you.

You worked quickly. Draining the rest of the liquid from the tank, carefully moving the avatar—this required multiple hands—until you placed it in the new tank.

“Track her heart rate.” You ordered one of them.

A second later, a woman responded, “Stable but its body temperature’s dropping fast.”

By the time she said that you closed the tank. “Norm, fill it up.”

You jumped down, grabbed the heart monitor from the female scientist, and watched the lines closely. The tank was nearly filled up as Norm came up beside you.

Along with the heart monitor, your heart pounded through your ears as the tank finally filled up. You gave the monitor to Norm and went to adjust the temperature back to the usual settings.

When the blue lights came on it felt as if the room breathed a huge sigh of relief. You took the monitor back as Norm hummed, “Lucky you were the one to get here first. And quick thinking too—do you know what went wrong with the other one?”

The rest of the scientists poured out of the room as you slowly shook your head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t waste time, Spellman. Not when it could’ve risked the baby.”

Norm nodded and patted your shoulder, “You’re right. Good work, Doc.” He moved to the other side of the tank with a thoughtful expression. “You want me to stay and help with anything else?”

The lines on the monitor were stable, which brought you some sense of comfort. And yet the slight panic remained. “No, no. I’m good here. You can go back to bed. I’ll finish up here soon.”

“Okay.” Norm eventually moved toward the exit. “Get some sleep, Reeds. I’m serious.”

You nodded without looking at him. “Yeah, sure. Goodnight.”

“Good morning.” Norm corrected with a tired grin.

With that, Norm left. You breathed in a steady breath before grabbing a chair from the corner of the lab and sinking onto it. The monitor was kept nearby, the heart rate melodic in your ears as you set your tablet down on your lap.

For a while, you studied how far along the avatar was. It had been a good couple of months since you first discovered the child—which left her at about twenty-four to twenty-seven weeks at least. That’s not even counting when she first got pregnant. But compared to a human, the Na’vi pregnancy went by a lot faster, which also confirmed your theory.

Or maybe your perception of time was fucked up with how distracted and busy you had been.

Was that why the malfunction happened? Were you too distracted to notice any faults in the system during your usual sessions? What did happen?

You contemplated this for a while. Until your mind became hazy and your eyes droopy. At some point, you fell asleep next to the tank because there was no way you would leave the fetus’ side at that point. Not after all of that.

It felt as if your eyes had been closed for only a couple of seconds before you were suddenly jolted awake to find Norm standing over you.

“What happened? Is it the tank again?” You instantly asked, turning to check on the tank.

“No, no, no—the—she’s fine!” Norm quickly assured while easing you back into your chair. “I thought I told you to get some sleep.”

You stared at him for a beat, both a tired and an annoyed expression easily falling upon your face. “Well, I assure you I certainly wasn’t sitting with my eyes closed just then.”

Norm winced, “Sorry. I thought you’d want to get in your own bed before Jake gets here.” He rubbed the back of his neck as you got up from the chair. “I had to tell him what happened—he’s flying over now.”

“That’s fine.” You grumbled. “I can stand just one day in the same room with him. Besides, I should probably figure out what went wrong with that tank.”

Norm nodded, “Okay—uh, should I be a mediator for the both of you or..?”

“Oh, please.” You rolled your eyes. “It’s not like I’m meeting their clan leader.”

“You really need to try and get along with him.” Norm chuckled with a shake of his head.

You scowled, “Are you going to keep yapping in my ear about it or be useful?”

“Alright, alright, don’t an ass.” He strolled toward the doorway. “Jake’ll be here in fifteen.”

Once he left, you got to work again. You weren’t an official engineer but you knew a good amount of information from your training back on Earth. You hoisted yourself up and into the tank before you began taking it apart. You stood in it, trying to find out what exactly had gone wrong—while glancing at the heart monitor now and then.

Your brain was moving quickly yet hazily from the sleep. Eyes honed in on the mess of wires in front of you. So distracted by your silent questions and theories that you didn’t hear the incoming footsteps. Only the voice that followed after.

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“Yes, she’s fine.” You replied immediately, watching in the corner of your eye as he approached the new tank. His hair was tied back and across his chest was a leather strap that carried what looked like a machete. “It was just a malfunction with the tank. We were able to get her out before any real damage could be done.”

Jake frowned, “Malfunction? How the hell did you let that happen?!”

“Look, I don’t know.” You replied calmly, ignoring the twitch in your jaw. “I’m still trying to figure all that out. But she’s out of it and fine. Norm helped if that makes you feel better—”

“I thought you had things handled? What happened to that?” Jake scowled, his tone vicious.

“I do.”

“Then what the hell happened—”

“I already said I don’t know!” You seethed, glaring down at the group of wires now hanging from your hands. Somewhere in the back of your brain, you realized that Norm really did have to stand between the two of you. That this truce wasn’t stable enough. That the two of them were just too explosive. “The hell do you think I’m trying to do? Kill the baby?!”

You missed the way Jake’s face faltered slightly, catching himself. “No…No, that’s not what I—”

“Then get off my fucking dick!” You snapped, throwing a piece of the tank to the floor with a clatter.

All sound was gone from the room then.

This was the last thing you wanted to deal with. Being scolded like some child—like you already weren’t beating yourself up over this mess.

You sunk onto the floor of the tank and continued working. Because that’s what you were best at. Not conversations. Not people. Not love.

Work. It was everything to you.

Already you were mentally drowning Jake out, ignoring the fact that there was another person in the room with you. But eventually, you realized that there was nothing wrong with the wires. It must’ve been something else. Another theory down the drain.

Jake uttered your name at one point. And you ignored him.

There was a sigh followed by a short pause before he spoke, “I’m sorry.” You continued ignoring him. There was something about his apologies. You were just tired of them. “That wasn’t fair, you’re right. I shouldn’t have come at you like that—”

“Augustine’s avatar is over there.” You mumbled. “You can check on her yourself.”

There was another silence but you were too focused on what was in front of you to notice or care. You were so determined to ignore him and the sting in the corners of your eyes.

You didn’t like to cry. Especially in front of others.

Thankfully, you ignored him long enough until you realized you were finally alone.

After a while, you breathed out a tired sigh.

Fortunately, as the days went by there were no other problems with the new tank or baby, but it didn’t stop you from always double-checking everything after that close call. So much so that you didn’t realize how much sleep you were missing until Norm pulled you away from your work and forced you back into your room. Locked the door and everything just to make his point.

With the promise of Norm taking care of your work, you eventually allowed yourself to sleep for practically the entire day. Not without the tablet on the dresser next to your bed of course.

Even after catching up on some semblance of sleep, Norm still didn’t let you get back to your schedule right away. Which irritated you of course.

“I don’t want you in my garden, Spellman.”

He rolled his eyes, “And I don’t want you stressing yourself out. As your friend and colleague who happens to care about your well-being, I demand you stay away from the garden until you’re completely rested.”

You frowned at him, “We’re friends?”

“Shut up and accept my love.”

And he kept true to his word. Norm kept you away from the gardens, even the tank room. And made sure that the scientists knew how to keep you away as well. He covered all of his bases.

Damn him.

You couldn’t sit around and do nothing though. So, at some point you were so desperate you resorted to practically begging Norm to just give you something to do that would distract you throughout the whole day. You nagged and nagged and nagged until Norm finally gave in.

“There’s an old link shack north of Hell’s Gate. We’ve been thinking about restoring all of them around the area. But that particular shack’s connection is a little wonky. Maybe you could head over and restock the supplies with your avatar. Maybe even fix the connection while you’re at it.”

You nodded quickly, “Yeah, sure thing. I’ll get on that—”

“And don’t try to sneak your way to the gardens!” Norm added sternly, sending you a look over his shoulder while clicking away at his computer. “Plus, you won’t need the Samson ships. The shack’s not too far from here.”

With that, you went to grab supplies, such as med kits, weapons—one gun and a few stacks of ammo—blankets, Na’vi weapons, a hunting knife, and a bow with a few arrows. You kept the hunting knife to yourself just in case.

After getting all of this, you placed the bag of supplies in the compound longhouse where your avatar always slept when you weren’t linked. Once you got to your link bed and linked up with your avatar, you grabbed the hunting knife and the bag of supplies before taking off north from Hell’s Gate.

The sky was grey today with a few darker clouds on the horizon instead of the shimmering blue you were used to. A storm might’ve been coming.

Which meant you had to make this trip quick. There was no telling how bad these storms could get on this planet.

Similar to how you traveled through the forest with Neytiri, you took to the trees so that you’d have less of a chance of running into or disturbing any of Pandora’s finest. Hopefully, you had learned to be quiet enough to not draw any attention your way as well.

As time went by, the sky got darker. You followed the coordinates Norm gave you while slipping through the trees like the true shadow you were. Traveling and climbing through the trees got easier as you went. You had done it enough times with Neytiri that you knew what to do and how to do it. Albeit not perfectly, but enough to get by. Blending into the environment as best as you could.

You enjoyed it, the vibrant life and colors of the forest once again. Every time felt like you were taking in Pandora for the very first time. Every time felt like a huge breath of the freshest air. Here, you were weightless. You weren’t a scientist. You weren’t human. You weren’t an avatar. You were just were.

You existed here. You were real.

Truly this place was everything you dreamed of when you were younger.

Rain began to pour by the time you spotted the shack. It was propped up and well hidden in a large tree, with moss growing out of the sides, the entire thing looking like it hadn’t been used in a long time.

You slid down from a branch as quietly as you could and landed in front of the metal entrance. By the time you got the door open and crouched inside, you were soaking wet from the rain.

The shack itself wasn’t too small, which surprised you. It must’ve been made to allow avatars to be able to roam freely through here without too much trouble.

Once the door was closed, you sunk onto the empty cot in the corner of the shack and began unpacking the supplies. The med kit went into the cabinets above a wooden table attached to the wall. The blankets went on the cot. The gun and ammo went under the cot in a long black case filled with old and rusted weapons you had to throw out into the rain. You kept the hunting knife tucked in your shorts.

The rain kept going. It was relaxing. Stopping for a moment to listen. Smelling it through the cracked window next to the cot you sat on.

It was nice. You could stay here if you wanted. This could’ve been your new home if you didn’t have responsibilities at Hell’s Gate.

Lastly, you worked on the radio that sat on the wooden table—which you assumed was connected to the main base. So, for the next few minutes, you took your time messing with the radio. Listening to either ongoing static or barely audible voices going in and out. At some point, you messed with the wires a few times before Norm’s voice finally came through.

“Tomato. Tomato. Tomato.”

You pressed one of the buttons, “Hey, Norm.”

“Oh, Jesus! Reeds!” Norm startled. “Warn a guy next time!”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, “I just wanted to test if it worked. Clearly, I fixed it.”

A snap of thunder drew you away from the radio. Seemed like it was getting worse out there. You hadn’t realized how long you’d been out there until now.

Norm seemed to realize this too, “You gonna stay there and unlink?”

“Mmm.” You paused. “I’m gonna try bringing the avatar back.”

He sighed, “Alright, good luck.”

“Don’t need it.” You said as you got up. “I’m too awesome.”

“Whatever, Reeds.”

Another clap of thunder filled the air as you stepped out of the shack. Immediately you were soaked by how heavy the rain was.

Thunder continued to boom, making your skin jump every now and then. It was just terribly cold, making you start to run so that you could get out of it faster.

You ran and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, only to realize just how much noise you were making and that the area was too unfamiliar to you. It wasn’t long until you realized how lost you were. It was just too dark to navigate your way back or recognize any familiar spots guiding your way.

With that in mind, you went toward the nearest tree and began to climb.

But your body was yanked away from the tree bark almost instantly as you were tackled down to the ground by a large weight. Your left shoulder exploded with vicious pain as if a bunch of sharp knives buried itself into your skin and continued to tear through it.

A strangled scream left your lips as the thunder clapped in the sky once more. You could barely see the creature but it was a dark, large beast. Digging further into your shoulder.

You hadn’t even seen it coming. You hadn’t been paying attention.

Now…

Now you might die because of it.

You tried shoving at it, managing to get most of its weight off of you. But the teeth were still in your shoulder. There was still pain. There was still warm liquid dripping down your arm.

When you moved your leg, you remembered the hunting knife in your shorts. Immediately, you dug into your pocket and found the handle instantly.

After that, you didn’t waste any time stabbing at it blindly and desperately. You did this, you kept going until more warm liquid covered your knife-wielding arm. You did this until the animal was limp against your body. Until you were able to push it off and scramble to your feet and run.

The pain was awful but bearable enough for you to run back to the shack at least. Mud was all over your clothes—some of it in your mouth. If anything, you probably looked insane right now.

You ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Ran. Way too clumsy to be quiet. What’s worse was you had no clue where you were. And there was more shuffling coming from the bushes and trees surrounding you. If anything, you were probably throwing yourself further into the lion’s den.

It wasn’t long until a black creature suddenly came out of the bushes in front of you, causing you to stumble to a stop as it made its way toward you. Sleek and dangerous. Eyes locked on you.

Thunder boomed again. An identical creature came out from your right. Another on your left. Another. And another. And another.

Until you were surrounded. Until you knew there was no way you were going to make it out of this.

You kept your knife in front of you, trying to ignore the pain in your shoulder, the warm liquid running down your arm, the shakiness in your legs. You began to wonder how much blood you were losing with your energy slowly dwindling as time went by—no, it didn’t matter.

Damn it, you weren’t going to die here! Not like this.

“Come on!” You hissed as you pointed the knife at them. “Come on!”

They growled at you, closing in. Finally, one of them pounced toward you. With the knife, you slashed at it. At that, the creature cringed away and missed you entirely but that didn’t mean the others were going to try their luck.

Out of instinct, you stumbled back as two more tried coming for you. Your back hit a tree as you yelled and swung your knife wildly at them.

Only neither the creature nor your blow landed.

The two creatures were thrown to the side as another clap of thunder struck your ears.

Another figure emerged from the trees and rushed toward you.

Instantly, you swung the knife, only for it to be caught in an iron grip.

You screamed.

“Hey, hey, easy!”

It took you only a couple of moments for you to register the words and that they were coming from a familiar avatar. The last person you ever expected to be here.

Jake lowered your arm with a hiss. You blinked as another round of thunder rattled your ears.

The creatures were closing in again. Jake turned his back to you, hissing at them. His larger arm stretched in front of you protectively when one of them got a little too close for his liking. The creature hissed back

You watched warily behind him, still clutching the dirtied knife. Both of you exhausted and animalistic. Yellow eyes glimmering. One with warning and the other with desperation.

Jake looked terrifying in this light. Just as murderous and dangerous as the animals that surrounded you.

You remained behind him, trembling but glaring. Gripping that knife like your life depended on it.

There was suddenly more shuffling, more thunder, and the creatures then scattered.

You, dumbfounded by this, spoke shakily, “Why did they—”

Jake grabbed your wrist holding the knife.

“We need to move.” He said, dragging you forward.

The two of you ran in the opposite direction of the creatures. He hauled you up a tree before climbing up himself. “Is there a link shack nearby?”

For a moment, you wondered how he knew about the link shacks. You leaned on a branch both to catch your breath and because the quick movements left you a bit dizzy. When you couldn’t come up with plausible answers to your silent question you instead said, “I just came back from one. North from here—I don’t know how far it is.”

Your body leaned a little too far. Jake was quick to grab you in his stronger, more stable arms as he pulled you away from falling off the edge, “Hey, hey, Reeds, I need you here with me, okay? Just stay awake long enough until we get to the shack and we’ll clean you up.”

“I’ve...I’m losing a lot of…” Blood. Blood was what you wanted to say. But the adrenalin was wearing out. Your shoulder throbbed horribly. Exhaustion weighed you down and placed inconvenient black spots in your vision.

“I know.” He draped your good arm over his shoulder and kept you upright. “I know, we’ll get there. I promise.”

There was no arguing with him. You were soaked to the bone and in a hell of a lot of pain. Going back to the shack was your best bet in this horrid weather.

Jake continued to support your weight as the two of you followed the same coordinates leading back to the shack—or rather you haze inaudible directions of what you could remember from the information Norm had given you while Jake haphazardly followed.

Thankfully, the rest of the way wasn’t a long journey. Or maybe you just kept blacking in and out along the way, you didn’t know.

Jake and you stumbled through the door of the shack. He closed the door while you made your way to the radio with whatever strength you had left.

“Norm.” You tapped the radio while wincing. The pain in your shoulder was getting worse. Before now you had been tolerating it. “Norm, can you hear me?”

The static went on.

“Storm must be messing with the signal,” Jake said from behind you as he rummaged through the shack. “We should stay here until the storm settles—”

You rested your head against the small table, the rest of his words becoming nothing but muffled noise to your ears. God, you’ve lost so much blood. And you were so tired.

For a moment, just for a few seconds, you wanted to sleep. Only for a moment.

“Reeds.”

A larger hand rested on the back of your neck, bringing you slightly out of your unconsciousness.

Jake kept calling your name. “Hey, where’s the med kits at? We need to work on your arm, okay? And I need you to stay awake. Can’t have you unlinking in this condition.”

Sluggishly, you nodded, “They’re in the cabinets.”

More thunder rolled by. Jake left your side briefly to search through the cabinets above you. You leaned back in your seat, staring bleakly up at the ceiling.

“How long do these storms last?” You asked.

The thunder responded with a clap.

sorry for the long wait! hopefully it was all worth the wait. another 8k chapter, yay, that wasn't difficult to write at all lol! but now jake and reeds are alone in a shack. anything could happen....

(i'm not adding anymore people anymore!)

taglist: @doggyteam2028 @bigbootahjudy @innercreationflower @n7cje @celi-xxmoon @readerofallthingss @sillyblues @squirtlebob @saturnhas82moons @1mawh0re @aprosiacperson @loserwithnofriends @garfieldsladybird @slutforsmut4ever @lik0

#jake sully #jake sully x reader #avatar jake sully x reader #avatar jake sully #avatar jake #avatar the way of water #neytiri avatar #neytiri x reader #neytiri x jake #neytiri sully #neytiri fanfiction #neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite #dilf!jake sully x reader #dilf!jake sully #neytiri x y/n #jake sully x y/n #jake sully x you #jake sully x tsu'tey #tsu'tey x reader #tsu'tey avatar #tsu'tey imagine #tsu'tey te rongloa ateyitan #jeytiri #avatar 2009 #atwow #[you’re gonna go far]

[jungshookz]

y/n doesn't know how to be petty & jealousy is not a good look on jimin

➺ pairing; park jimin x reader // balletteacher!jimin x ballerina!y/n

➺ genre; balletteacher!jiminiverse!! i think there’s a fairly good balance of honk honk humour and angst and fluff in here but i could be wrong!! seulgi (once again) is a pot-stirrer and you can either love her or hate her for it!! jungkook’s cute and is a really good dance partner!! 

➺ wordcount; 12.1k

➺ summary; surprisingly enough, both y/n and jimin are great at acting unaffected by their devastating breakup — it’s only when they’re reunited two weeks later in class that their nonchalant, callous composures begins to crack.

➺ what to expect; “i just think the respectable move is to wait until we’re done learning, mr. park. or would you like to continue wasting everyone’s time by singling out jungkook and i just because you’re clearly in a sour mood for no reason and seem to be enjoying using us as your emotional punching bags?” 

➺ currently playing on cee.fm; need you now — lady antebellum 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

the feeling of your phone buzzing rapidly against the mattress is the thing that rouses you from yet another restless night of sleep 

you kept waking up every few hours and every time you woke up you’d be awake for at least another hour before dozing back off 

you’re pretty sure you fell asleep close to six in the morning and according to the clock on your bed stand it’s already 1:30 but somehow you still feel so, so groggy despite getting seven and a bit hours of sleep 

you peel an eye open reluctantly, staring at the bright vibrating rectangle for a few seconds before you drag your arm up lazily to grab it because something crazy must be happening if the group chat is chirping away like this 

you’ve had your phone on do not disturb for the past week (except for the few times lisa clearly hit the ‘notify anyway’ button to get your attention) so you’ve kind of been out of the loop but being present and a functioning member of society isn’t exactly the first thing on your mind 

people are right when they say time just melds together when you’re going through a breakup because you honest to god do not even know what day of the week it is 

“okay, what’s going on…” you mutter to yourself, voice thick with sleep as you roll over onto your back and bring your phone up to your face to unlock it 

it takes you a couple of tries to get into your phone because of how bright the screen is and you curse before resorting to typing in your passcode with fumbling fingers instead 

you haven’t been on your phone too much because… well, you’ve just not really been in the mood to do anything but rot in bed all day with the curtains drawn — and not to mention, every time you’re on your phone you’re just waiting for a text or a call or literally anything from jimin but unsurprisingly it’s been complete silence on his end

you’ve mostly been ordering takeout and also you’re pretty sure you went the whole day without drinking water yesterday, so all in all, it doesn’t seem like you’re handling this very well 

what makes things worse is that you have class today and it’ll be approximately a week since you last saw jimin and the two of you officially ended things and seven days is simply not enough recovery time — you haven’t even accepted the fact that you can no longer call him your boyfriend and that you have to call him your ex-boyfriend now (and teacher, but it’s not like that’s anything new)

i think we should end things permanently, because i want to be in a real relationship instead of whatever the fuck this has been. 

jimin’s words ring loudly in your head and you feel your eyes starting to well with tears for the trillionth time in a row as you mindlessly scroll through all the notifications that have been marinating on your phone for the past seven days 

the only thing you’ve been able to focus on is replaying that last conversation with jimin in your head and it’s driving you up the wall

i never said i was ashamed to be with you, jimin. 

you never had to say it for me to see it. 

“god…” you mutter, reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose in a poor attempt to stop the tears from flowing 

you haven’t been able to stop thinking about jimin and what makes it harder is the fact that you can’t talk about this with anyone without exposing yourself and jimin 

and as much as you love lisa, you know that if you told her she would of course be concerned about you but would also have a million questions for you and you’re just not in the mood for an interview at the moment 

another thing you’ve been thinking a lot about is what would’ve happened if you grabbed the phone and called lisa when jimin told you to call your friends and tell them the truth

would he have stayed? 

was that really the proof that he needed to show him that you wanted to be with him? 

would that have fixed everything?

you’d still have to hide your relationship — the only difference that telling your friends would make is that mr. park would be accused of playing favourites and knowing a few of the chatterboxes in class, word would spread very fast and it probably wouldn’t take long until you get an email from the dean asking you and jimin to come and speak to him 

and then either jimin would get fired or you’d be expelled and both those options sound like hell 

with that being said, wasn’t it an incredibly unfair move on jimin’s part to ask you to do that for him? 

what if you’d asked him to call the dean to tell him that you two were together? 

given the circumstances, wouldn’t jimin be hesitant to do it as well??? 

well, you suppose in your scenario it’s a little less high stakes because you’d just be telling a close friend, but still… you did the right thing, didn’t you? 

it was irresponsible of both you and jimin to enter into a romantic relationship when you guys are teacher and student, and you had to put an end to it before the truth eventually came out and tore the two of you apart

this was the right thing to do 

now jimin can continue teaching, and you can continue learning at this very prestigious dance academy that you worked very hard to get into 

plus mom and dad would probably kill you if you got expelled over something as scandalous as this

sometimes doing the right thing feels bad! and it’s okay that you feel very, very bad at the moment, because feeling bad is just a normal part of the human experience.  

you let out a huff of frustration, rolling onto your back as you look up at the ceiling 

…but how do you know if you did the right thing or not? 

you let out a slow exhale, shaking your head as you bring your phone back up to look through all your texts

you can’t help but wince a little looking through all your missed notifications throughout the week

most of your texts are from lisa and you know she’s going to want some kind of an explanation of your disappearance 

from: lisa [wednesday 9:08am] — are you okay? barely heard from you all week 

from: lisa [thursday 6:23 pm] —  ?? 

from: lisa [friday 10:32am] — y/n 

from: lisa [friday 11:02am] — helloooooo some kind of indication you are alive please 

from: lisa [friday 8:14pm] — okay well you’re still sending me tiktoks so ik you’re alive 

your thumb goes tired from scrolling through all of lisa’s texts and you finally reach the end to see that she texted you a few minutes ago 

from: lisa [1:22pm] — are you coming to class today? 

your fingers pause slightly as you think about how to respond and how to act casually about the fact that you’ve been a ghost for the last week 

to: lisa [1:34pm] — yes!! i’m coming 

to: lisa [1:34pm] — SORRY i haven’t been responding to your texts, social battery’s been weirdly low and feeling blegh bc period but i’ll see you today mwahaha 

unsurprisingly, lisa doesn’t take too long to respond because she’s always on her phone and it’s never on do not disturb- 

from: lisa [1:35pm] — hmmmm okayyy hope you’re feeling a little better at least? just glad ur alive! i’ll see u later ALSO read the group chat bc omg i’m dead 

from: lisa [1:35pm] — mr. park

your stomach dips a little in anxiety at the mention of mr. park because the point of looking through your texts was to distract yourself from any thoughts of jimin, but then again, why are you surprised? the girls are obsessed with him and he’s always a hot topic in the group chat 

one time he showed up to class wearing a pair of jeans that made his butt look really good and it was a topic in the group chat for like a week and a half straight 

you switch over to look through the group chat, scrolling up the literal hundreds of texts until you get to what’s clearly the meat of the conversation 

seulgi [best ballerinas 🤍] — You guys aren’t going to believe what I heard

seulgi [best ballerinas 🤍] —  Rmb how I said I’m pretty sure Miss Im and Mr Park are like meant to be 

seulgi [best ballerinas 🤍] — Apparently they were out on a date this weekend

lisa [best ballerinas 🤍] — wtffff NO WAYYY wait where’d u hear it from 

seulgi [best ballerinas 🤍] — One of the guys from Miss Im’s class 

seulgi [best ballerinas 🤍] — He slid into my DMs after their performance 💅🏼 as he should 💅🏼 and then we were texting for a bit and he just told me that he saw them walking around downtown together lmfaooooo I totally called it 

you don’t even bother reading the rest of the messages but through your frantic scrolling you manage to catch a message from seulgi teasing you directly about losing your precious mr. park and- “oh, just give me a break!” you groan obnoxiously, tossing your phone aside before flipping onto your stomach and letting out a muffled scream into your pillow 

great!

good for them!

good for jimin, good for nayeon, good for the happy couple! you’ll have to make sure to ask jimin if you’re allowed to bring a plus-one to their wedding and what colour they want to paint the nursery for the child they’re going to have who’ll undoubtedly be the cutest baby on the goddamn planet- 

the thought of playing hooky and calling in sick so you don’t have to go to class crosses your mind briefly, but then you remember that in order to do that, you’d have to call mr. park to let him know (one time, lisa asked jisoo if she could let him know that she wouldn’t be in class because of a bad cold, and both lisa and jisoo ended up getting mildly scolded because why are you asking your classmate to talk to me for you, and why are you talking to me on behalf of your classmate?) and needless to say, the last thing you need is to talk to jimin and pretend like the only problem you have is that you’re not feeling well and you don’t think you can come to class today 

and not to mention, with this new piece of information of him and miss im going out on a date over the weekend, you don’t want him thinking that he won the breakup because you’re so heartbroken that the only thing you can do in stay in bed and cry (even though technically that’s what you’ve been doing all weekend, but whatever) — as heartbroken as you are, you’re just as stubborn so you will be going to class and you’re going to try your absolute best to keep it together… you have to.

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

jimin splutters after splashing icy, ball-shrivelling cold water onto his face, blindly fumbling for the towel in his duffle bag before using it to pat himself off 

he looks at himself in the mirror, leaning closer and reaching up with a finger to pull at the bags under his eyes

the last time he had bags this bad was when he would stay up all night rehearsing for his own exams 

there’s not enough concealer in the world to hide the bags he has now 

needless to say, this breakup has completely destroyed him and this is the first time he actually has no idea to conduct himself after ending things with someone 

he’s had flings and short relationships all throughout high school, undergrad, and even at the academy, and it usually only takes him a few weeks to fully flush his ex out of his system, but he can already tell that this breakup is nothing compared to those ones 

sure, he was sad after his breakup with nayeon and couldn’t even force himself to get over her for much longer than he’d anticipated, but that was then and this is now — and now, he can fully say that the breakup with you is one of the most devastating things to ever have happened to him 

he’s been so out of it all week that he even ordered pizza for himself on friday night instead of digging into his usual meal of [insert choice of lean protein here], roasted vegetables and brown rice… a family sized pizza 

a family sized pizza!!! a pizza for an entire family!! 

the only time he went out this week was saturday afternoon when nayeon texted him to ask him if he wanted to go out for coffee and also to discuss what they wanted to do for their conjoined class today 

and to be honest, jimin barely remembers what they talked about that day and he’s hoping that nayeon will carry them both through today’s class because mr. park is just not mentally here at the moment 

to be honest he’d kind of been dreading coming to class (can you blame him?) and he considered calling in sick and cancelling class today, but if he cancelled today, that’d mean he’d have to have an extra makeup class next week and- well, he can’t avoid seeing you forever 

it’s just that he doesn’t even know if he can look you in the eye after you basically showed him that you don’t want to be with him 

it’s embarrassing 

he’s heartbroken and humiliated and hurt and you’re basically the only thing that’s been on his mind this whole week 

admittedly it was a little selfish of him to demand you to call your friends to tell them that you were dating him

it was an unfair move on his part and he knows he acted out of emotion, but… well, he just wished that you fought harder to keep him, that’s all 

and it’s true that he always felt like you were slightly embarrassed to be with him — he was never afraid to hold your hand in public and act like a normal couple but it was always a little upsetting to turn and see you cowering down or hiding behind a pair of sunglasses or baseball hat or something to conceal your identity 

he knows that you only did it to protect the both of you from being exposed, but you didn’t have to hide yourself all the time 

you guys couldn’t even go to restaurants without you quietly requesting for a table at the very back to avoid being seen by anyone passing by 

maybe this breakup was for the best, now that he’s had a week to think about it…

sure, his relationship with you was one of the best he’s ever had and he’s pretty sure he’s head over heels in love with you and would 100% say it back if you said it to him, but hey! he’ll get over it one day 

you’re his student, he’s your teacher — it was inappropriate from the start and it was irresponsible of him to pursue anything with you, so this breakup was a good thing 

it never would’ve worked out in the end, and it’s better that it ended sooner or later

this was just a lesson from the universe that he had to learn, and yes, it was a very hard lesson, but he’s always been good at learning and he’s just going to take this as a sign to not get involved with another one of his students ever again!

it was silly of him to think that it would ever work out in the first place, anyway, so if anything, he should be able to move on and move on fast 

easy peasy 

“easy fuckin’ peasy.” jimin clears his throat quietly, running his damp fingers through his hair as he looks at his reflection in the mirror from side to side, “i’m park fuckin’ jimin. top of my class, aced all my exams, youngest and most sought after teacher at this academy,” he puffs his chest out slightly, nodding to himself as he feels his confidence coming back to him

he’s mr. park, he knows he’s hot shit! 

he doesn’t need you to feel complete

he doesn’t need you at all

he hears the voice in his head let out a laugh of disbelief followed by an all-knowing alright, keep lying to yourself if this is how you’re planning on coping with this breakup and immediately shuts it out before bending down to grab his duffle bag, swinging it over his shoulder before putting a pair of thick-rimmed, square framed glasses on 

he forget to order more of his contacts over the weekend so he’ll have to wear his stupid dorky ass glasses today (the memory of you telling him how much you love it when he wears his glasses flashes in his mind and he shuts it out as best as he can, but the thought of getting you flustered today in class with these glasses makes the corner of his mouth twitch in a cocky smirk.) 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

“wow, look who’s alive!” you jolt in surprise when lisa slings an arm around you from behind, leaning her head against yours with a grin as the two of you continue walking towards the main doors, “period cramps are brutal this month, hey?” 

“yeah, it’s been- ha, not great, you know how it is-“ you press your lips together in a tight smile as you pop your airpods back into the case so you can give your friend your full attention, “sorry i… barely texted you all throughout the week, i’ve just- um-“ you clear your throat quietly, pausing for a second to think about what excuse to give lisa

you feel awful for lying to her about all of this because you know that lisa would never be upset or angry with you and is only here to help you because she’s your friend, but still… the wound is a little fresh at the moment so lying will have to do 

because if you rip this bandaid off right now and she gives you that sympathetic head tilt and shoulder droop and big sad eyes combo, you are 100% not going to be able to make it through this class without completely losing your mind and you are certainly not about to burst into tears in front of your classmates 

“you’ve just what?” lisa nudges your side to get your attention and you look over at her, your mouth still hanging open with no fake excuse sitting on the tip of your tongue 

you’ve never really been good at thinking of things on the spot

you’ve also never been good at lying so there’s that to consider as well 

“i just… i don’t know! weird mood. one of those weeks, you know?” you shrug weakly, lisa’s brow raising slightly before she purses her head and nods slowly 

“no, that’s okay! i was just worried about you, that’s all. but you… know you can talk to me about anything, right?” she holds the door open for you and you offer her a meek smile, swallowing the lump in your throat as the two of you head towards the changing rooms 

“yeah, i know.” you respond quietly, choosing not to say anything else after that even though you know you’re acting very suspicious and you have a feeling lisa knows you’re hiding something from her 

“you excited for class today?” she changes the subject swiftly and you immediately nod even though you have no idea what’s happening in class today, “i’ve been buzzing about it all week. miss im’s boys are so fine.” 

“they’re- oh, we have the, uh- they’re coming to our class today, right? we’re, like, pairing up with them or something like that, right?” you clear your throat, opening your locker door up before sitting down on the bench to take your sneakers off, “yeah, they’re all very nice to look at. that jungkook guy is nice, i follow him on instagram.” 

“oh, jungkook is- mmph-“ you can’t help but giggle when lisa bites her fist, “he’s more than very nice to look at. you should ask him out. he was making googly eyes at you at mr. park and miss. im’s performance.” 

the reminder of that night immediately kills the vibe and you feel your mood drop, but you focus on taking your socks off instead of thinking about i think we should end things permanently, because i want to be in a real relationship instead of-

the sound of lisa’s locker door slamming shut snaps you out of it and you turn to see that she’s already fully dressed and ready to go with her water bottle in one hand and her phone in the other, “you want me to wait for you?” 

“you can go in first! i’ll be a while, i-“ you look down at yourself and your sweatpants, letting out a breath because you’re already exhausted and changing into a leotard is no easy feat, “i still have to change and then i have to pee and stuff, but i’ll see you in there.” 

as soon as lisa leaves, you feel yourself slump as you lean over with your elbows on your knees, your mind immediately spacing out 

you are not mentally here right now and you don’t know how you’re about to go through a two hour class where the main thing you have to do is focus otherwise you get in trouble for it 

“it’s a guy.” 

you immediately perk up when you realise you aren’t alone and you turn to look over your shoulder, your brows knitting together in confusion as you blink up at seulgi before looking back down at your duffle bag quickly and pretending like you were in the middle of going through it, “what are you talking about? and how the hell did you get in here so quietly??” 

“it’s a guy. am i right?” seulgi sighs, ignoring your second question (though you are genuinely curious how she managed to come in without you noticing, or maybe you’re just really really checked out that you didn’t notice her at all) and plopping herself down on the bench next to you before crossing one leg over the other and crossing her arms over her chest, “that’s why you’ve been acting so off all week.” 

“what are you on about?” you snort, though you can’t help but think to yourself how true it is that women are very intuitive when it comes to pretty much anything but especially when it has something to do with men 

and seulgi is the best at figuring things out — especially when it comes to things that are literally none of her business like this! 

“you’ve been weirdly civil with me over text when you usually bite back with something.” she raises her chin slightly, her gaze never leaving your face, “you never just sit there and take it.” 

your eyes flicker slightly and you find yourself unable to look seulgi in the eye for more than two seconds before looking away, and you feel the hairs on the back of your neck prickle when she gives you that one look that screams i’m not going to stop pestering you until you tell me what drama you’re swept up in 

“what makes you think that me being civil has something to do with guy problems?” you blurt out, your cheeks starting to grow pink out of anxiety because now you know that seulgi’s onto you, “also, we rarely text and talk outside of class except for when we’re out with the other girls for brunch or something. why do you care about my texting style all of a sudden?” 

“well, you didn’t deny anything.” seulgi points out, and your hand immediately freezes in your bag upon the realisation that yeah, you didn’t deny anything and seulgi is definitely onto you and is also definitely right because you definitely are going through guy problems right now 

but how much can you trust seulgi? you haven’t even told lisa who is arguably your best friend in the class and also the entire world

“we aren’t friends, seulgi. you don’t have to pretend like you care.” you mutter, voice wavering slightly as your eyes begin to brim with tears because this is the first time someone’s asked you if you’re okay in person and clearly you’re an emotional wreck if seulgi is the one asking and it’s making your eyes tear up 

keep it together, keep it together, keep it together, you remind yourself, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you pull your leg warmers on and quickly reach up to wipe a rogue tear away before seulgi sees you crying 

“so it is a guy.” seulgi hums, nodding her head to herself before clicking her teeth, “knew it. is it someone we know? was it a hookup? long time situationship? did he ghost you? have you been secretly dating someone this whole time and you just got dumped by them?” 

all the blood drains from your face as you turn your head to look at seulgi with wide eyes (nearly snapping your neck in the progress), your lips parting before you quickly shut then and turn back to pull your slippers on 

seulgi’s eyes widen before she blinks rapidly 

no way 

this whole time you’ve been dating someone?! 

to be honest seulgi’s always thought you were a massive prude who would crumble at the sight of a couple holding hands in public so this is actually a pleasant surprise for her 

“no fucking way!” seulgi delivers a harsh slap to your shoulder and you press your lips together, your eyes fluttering shut because fuck, the jig is up and now you have to confess to your sins to someone who cannot be farther away than good and holy, “oh my god. y/n y/l/n, you sneaky, sneaky girl. who?!” 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

“are those new leg warmers?” lisa looks over at you as you stretch beside her, and you look down at your brand new (grey, with little thunderclouds on them) leg warmers before nodding, “yet another pair for your already extensive collection…”

“well, what can i say?” you chuckle, reaching down to smooth them down a little before shrugging, “i wasn’t gonna get them, but retail therapy always makes you feel better when you’re feeling like shit.” you blurt out, looking up slightly when you realise that saying retail therapy implies that something happened in which you need to make yourself feel better 

…

“retail therapy? what on earth bugged you so much that you needed to buy something?” lisa snorts, pulling her hair up into a ponytail in the mirror 

“probably just dealing with the fact that she knows she’ll never be as good of a dancer as i am.” seulgi butts in, letting out a sigh before shaking her head, “it’s okay, y/n. not all of us were meant for the stage.”

“thank you for the reminder, seulgi. you keep me humble.” you joke, giving her a soft smile and acknowledging her attempt at a distraction with a little nod — you ended up telling seulgi absolutely everything in the changing rooms (but not before triple checking that nobody was around to listen, because that would’ve been a disaster for sure) because… well, it was killing you having to hold everything in! and seulgi, believe it or not, was willing to lend an ear and actually listen for a change instead of blabbing her mouth off like the know it all she is 

much to your surprise, seulgi told you that she wouldn’t tell anyone about this (to be perfectly honest, seulgi thinks it was kind of sick of you to break the rules and date your own teacher, because it’s very unlike y/n y/l/n to do something as taboo as that… she has a newfound sense of respect for you because she would probably also do the same thing if she was in your position because who in their right mind wouldn’t launch themselves full speed at the chance to date mr. park?? but she’ll never tell you that because she knows it would go to your head and you would try to become best friends with her and she’s pretty sure that your relationship works better when you’re frenemies who are constantly trying to one-up each other.) 

“they’re a little… gloomier than what you usually get…” lisa giggles, reaching over to jab a finger into one of the thunderclouds, “still cute, though! and it matches the weather.” you turn to glance out the window, frowning at the sight of the dark grey clouds hanging in the air as the the windows tremble from the weight of chubby raindrops smacking against it rhythmically 

the weather for the past week has been absolutely dreadful and definitely hasn’t made you feel any better, but you have to admit that it was kind of relaxing laying in bed all day listening to the sound of the rain 

“well, the weather is shit, but what makes me feel better is knowing that in a few minutes this room is going to flooded in an ocean of hot testosterone-“ lisa wraps her arms around herself before shimmying her shoulders with a squeal, “aren’t you guys excited?! i don’t know why you aren’t more excited that we basically get a free pass to flirt with boys for the next two hours-“ 

“i’ve got my eye on seokjin,”  ailee chimes in, “god, i would climb him like a goddamn tree.” 

“you know who’s actually built like a tree? kim namjoon. you seen those thighs of his?” 

“well, i’m gonna see if i can get paired with hoseok — i’ve seen him dance, he’s super good. he does hip-hop too, the man can do it all-“ 

“yoongi and i already spoke last time so i’m pretty sure we’re gonna hook up in class and also out of class-“ 

“you guys just stay away from taehyung, because i’ve been eyeing him for so long-“ 

“y/n, what about you?” you feel lisa nudge your back with her foot and you spin around on your bum to face the group, “well, i don’t think i need to ask you who you want to be paired up with.” 

“you seem to be convinced that jungkook was making googly-moogly eyes at me but i’m telling you that he was just being friendly-“

“oh, well- yes, jungkook was definitely making googly-moogly eyes at you and i’m pretty sure he’s going to try to get paired up with you so don’t even worry about that- i was talking about mr. park!”

“wh- what?” your eyes widen slightly and you let out a nervous laugh, “i- what- what makes you think that i- why would i get paired up with mr. park?? that’s not even- that’s not even allowed, i don’t think a student is allowed to be paired up with a teacher for an exercise like this-”

“why are you getting all flustered??” lisa laughs, reaching over to pinch your thigh, “oh my god, i was just teasing you because of the fat crush you have on mr. park, i’m not actually saying you’re going to get paired up with him, dummy-“ 

“even if y/n was paired up with mr. park, she’d probably clomp all over his feet.” seulgi snorts, “besides, she- oh, shit-“ she immediately gets up and you turn to see jimin walk into the room, muscle memory forcing you up from the ground so you can stand with your feet in third position with your hands behind your back next to seulgi 

you feel your heart racing in your chest as the familiar smell of his cologne wafts past you and you immediately look down when he walks past you

you just hope that no one can hear how hard your heart is pounding because you would’ve appreciated some kind of warning before jimin came into the room 

you’re just going to keep your head down and stay in the back of the class for this lesson, and then you’re going to slip out with the girls at the end of class as quickly as you can 

“good afternoon, ladies…” jimin greets lowly as he makes his way towards the front of the room, his voice slightly raspy from the complete lack of sleep he’s gotten 

he drops his duffle bag on the ground as he looks out at the godawful weather, frowning slightly because no one’s responded to him and he thought he taught you guys better than that! it seems like two weeks without class has turned you girls a little sloppy…

“i said, good afternoon, ladies…” jimin tries again, emphasising his tone before turning around swiftly with a tilt of his head, leaning back against the counter with toned arms crossed over his chest, “what’s the matter, you guys forget your manners?”

“good afternoon, mr. park!” everyone fumbles to respond to his greeting, and you find yourself barely mumbling out a barely coherent ‘afternoon’ before continuing to stand in your spot obediently 

“…alright, jesus, i don’t know what the hell that was-“ jimin scoffs, shaking his head with a mild expression of disgust on his face, “maybe it’s a good thing miss im and her students are coming over today so you can see how proper students are supposed to act!” he claps his hands together before reaching into his back pocket for his phone, “miss im will be leading the class today, i’m just gonna be hanging around the back as her co-teacher, but please do your best and try not to embarrass me in front of her students. she just texted me and let me know that she’ll be here on time, so just continue warming up until they get here…” 

“someone woke up on the bitchy side of bed this morning. what do you think his problem is?” lisa mutters to you as the class disperses back into doing warm-up exercises, and you shrug with one shoulder and plop back down on the ground 

“i bet i know.” seulgi snorts, and you shoot her a warning look before she smirks and sends a blowing kiss in your direction 

you turn your head slightly to look over your shoulder, surprised to see jimin looking right at you before his eyes flicker and he quickly turns and looks down at his phone instead 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

“now, the purpose of today’s class is just to familiarise yourself with dancing with a partner — after all, it’ll be one of the things you have to do during your exams at the end of the semester!” nayeon chirps, standing tall with her clipboard held close to her chest, “mr. park and i were dance partners, as you know… it’s also important to develop a bond with the person you’re partnered with. if there’s no bond, there’s no trust, no warmth, no chemistry, and all of that will be visible on stage through your dancing, so i cannot emphasise how important it is to really strengthen the connection you have with one another.” 

“well, there’s more than one way to do that-“ taehyung mutters, the class breaking into a collection of snorts and giggles before going silent again when jimin gives them one of his signature unimpressed death glares 

he’s barely spoken a word since nayeon and her boys came into the class ten minutes ago because that’s how mentally checked out he is 

it’s actual torture having to be here with you standing across the room as if he doesn’t have a million questions lined up and ready to go 

were you just lying when you said you loved him? did you know he was awake? did you do it on purpose to get him to become more attached to you??? did you date him so that you would be chosen for the nutcracker at the end of the year?! 

he made brief eye contact with you earlier (he was staring at the back of your head and wasn’t expecting you to turn and look back at him) and he swore he was going to start tearing up when the two of you locked gazes which is why he had to look away so quickly 

“i’ve paired you up randomly, so i’m just going to read your names off my list. when you hear your name, pair up with your partner and stand to the left side of the room and wait quietly until everyone’s been paired up,” nayeon clears her throat, looking down at her list, “lisa and taehyung, jisoo and seokjin, seulgi and namjoon…” 

jimin resists the urge to blow his cheeks out and roll his eyes out of complete boredom as he stands next to nayeon with his arms behind his back, occasionally glancing down at her list to see how many people still have to be paired up

“-y/n and jungkook-“ 

he immediately perks up at the mention of your name, eyebrows furrowing when it’s followed by jungkook’s name because what the hell does nayeon mean by y/n and jungkook?? 

“oh, uh-“ jimin nudges nayeon’s arm, “you- you paired y/n up with jungkook? we, uh, did we… did we talk about that, or…?” 

“what do you mean? i asked you if you had any preferences for partners and you told me to sort them out, don’t you remember?” nayeon whispers, using the tip of her pen to trace a line down her page before tapping right next to your name and jungkook’s name, “plus y/n’s clearly your strongest student, and jungkook is mine, so i’d like to see how they work together. i think they’ll work out quite well, they already seem to be pretty friendly with each other…”

“y/n and jungkook.” 

you look up when you hear your name being called and you immediately look over at jungkook, offering him a shy smile when he beams and starts to make his way over to you 

what a pleasant surprise!

you actually really like jungkook — sometimes he sends you memes on instagram or he’ll swipe up and respond to your stories, so the two of you have interacted more than a handful of times and you think he’s a pretty solid guy 

and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t handsome (and it kind of gives you an ego boost knowing that he might have a teensy weensy crush on you)

“pst- make him jealous.” you hold back a yelp when seulgi suddenly burrows her fingers into your side and you turn to glare at her 

“what?”

“make. him. jealous.” she enunciates through gritted teeth, eyes flickering over to jimin before she looks over at a smiley jungkook, “nothing wrong with being a little petty.” 

“what- i’m not going to make him jealous, that’s not going to solve anything-“

“it won’t solve anything, but would it be so wrong to have a little fun to make yourself feel better?” 

“seulgi, i don’t like being petty and- hi!” you turn your head and greet jungkook with a bright smile, letting out a chuckle afterwards, “nice to see you again.”

“likewise! i’m glad we got paired up.” he nods, standing a little closer to you as the two of you return your attention to the front where miss. im is in the middle of giving her tips for the girls 

“try not to help your partner! you kinda just have to trust them — i know it’s very tempting because you know the combination and you know what step comes next, but the best thing to do is to just keep a strong core and focus on yourself! that way, your partner can- you know, kind of put you where you need to go. so, what we’re going to have you do for this exercise is, girls, you’ll make up a short combination, tell your partner what that is, and then immediately perform it on the spot.” miss. im turns to look at jimin, “so, mr. park, do you have any tips for the boys?”

“uh, i mean…” jimin purses his lips slightly, “use your palms, not your fingers. it wouldn’t feel good for your partner to have your fingers digging into their ribcages especially. also, you’ll be able to have more control when you’re using your palms instead of lifting with your fingers. just, uh… yeah, trust in your partner.” he nods, looking over at nayeon to signal that he has nothing more to add

god, he really is out of it today 

“any volunteers?” nayeon purses her lips as she looks around the class, not surprised to see that majority of you are avoiding eye contact with her (it is pretty intimidating dancing with all of your peers looking at you and judging every move, but it’s something that all of you will have to do eventually), “alright, then i’ll have to choose, since no one is taking the initiative.” she chirps, smacking her palm flat against her clipboard before turning to look right over at you and jungkook, “jungkook, y/n — would you like to come up here and demonstrate for the rest of the class?” 

you feel the hairs on your arm prickle in anxiety as you stand there for a second in silence, both you and jungkook exchanging glances before you turn back to look at miss im with a meek smile, “ah- yes, miss im.”

you were expecting everyone to break out and scatter around the room instead of immediately performing in front of the class, but you suppose everyone’s already warmed up and ready to go… 

“bepetty.” seulgi coughs quietly, and you turn to see jungkook holding his hand out for you to take

“shall we?” he grins, clearly very confident in your guys’ ability to impress the whole class with your little routine, “don’t worry miss im, y/n and i will try our best not to completely amaze you with our routine, but no promises…” jungkook’s comment gets a couple of laughs and you giggle lightly before taking his hand and letting him lead you to the front 

“that’s easy for you to say, i’m the one who has to come up with the routine-“ you add on, the corner of your mouth lifting in a knowing smirk when jungkook lets out a laugh and a nod 

his hand feels quite warm in yours and your eyes widen a little when you feel his thumb rub over your skin soothingly

“do your best!” miss im smiles, flicking the main lights off and turning the spotlight ones on as you guys get to the front, “y/n, what combination will you two be demonstrating for your peers?” 

ah, shit

“i….” you’ve never been good at thinking of things on the spot, and you can’t help but look over at jimin for a split second who seems to be shooting daggers right at jungkook as he stands leaning against the wall by the door, his arms crossed over his chest and his tongue poking against the inside of his cheek before he clears his throat quietly and rubs his lips together a couple of times 

his eyes are lidded slightly and to be honest, if looks could kill, jungkook would be bleeding out on the floor right about now and you can’t help but feel a little pleased at the obvious fact that jimin doesn’t like that you were paired up with jungkook and definitely doesn’t like the fact that miss im chose you and jungkook to demonstrate in front of the class 

“y/n?” jungkook elbows you slightly to get your attention and you clear your throat before standing up a little straighter, sorting through all the moves that you know and trying your best to come up with a quick routine on the spot

“oh! i, uh… okay, first, i’m gonna piqué attitude to the left, tombé… uh, double stepover, and then i’ll do… ah… i’ll do… échappé-echappe… passe-passe, i… suppose i’ll do a spin and then finish in arabesque?” you smile sheepishly, looking over at miss im and jimin for validation only to get a grunt from jimin and a pleased nod from miss im 

that seems like a doable combination, right?

god, you hope so 

lisa shoots you a thumbs up from the audience and you clear your throat quietly, taking a few steps back and waiting for your cue as miss im lowers the spotlights slightly 

the last thing you see before the lights dim is jimin’s furrowed brows and clenched jaw and you press your lips together in order to suppress a grin 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

“wonderful job, you two. impeccable!” nayeon claps her hands gently along with the rest of the class, a proud smile on her face as she nudges jimin with her elbow, “see, what’d i tell you? the two of them fit together like two puzzle pieces, don’t you think?” 

“yep.” jimin licks over his front teeth in irritation when he notices the way jungkook’s hand lingers on the small of your back (a little too low for his liking, and if he was grading jungkook for an exam he’d immediately dock off a point for hand placement alone) as the two of you bow/curtsey at the front to thank your classmates for the applause and he feels his blood beginning to boil when he sees the shy little smile on your face and the blush spreading across your cheeks when jungkook whispers something in your ear 

what the fuck is he saying to you that’s making your cheeks red?? 

“you have something you want to share with the class, jungkook?” jimin blurts out right before he can even process that he’s blurted something out, his hand instinctively reaching over to smack the main lights back on 

the light switching back on so suddenly makes a few of you flinch and you reach up instinctively to shield your eyes, a little puzzled by what the problem is 

jimin is completely unbothered as he looks at jungkook and tilts his head, “well? if you can whisper it to y/n, you can share it with everyone.”

you and jungkook exchange glances of confusion 

“oh, i-“ jungkook stands up a little taller and jimin can’t help but feel drunk on power because of how intimidated he looks right now, “i just said that she did a really good job, mr. park, that’s all. a-and that she looks very pretty when she’s focused.” 

“interesting. well, i don’t think that’s a very appropriate comment to make to your peer,” jimin responds immediately, shaking his head before looking over at nayeon, “miss im, you need to control your hormonal students-“

“woah, my boys aren’t the hormonal ones here-“ nayeon scoffs, and jimin’s eyes widen in offence at the dig at you guys even though he technically made the first jab (and also, nayeon’s probably right about that because he’s seen the way you guys look at him and has also heard many of things said about him), “and it’s perfectly fine to compliment a peer! maybe keep the second half of your comment for after class, but don’t listen to grumpy mr. park, you two — again, great job, you can go back to your spots.” 

awkward, scattered applause makes its way around the room as you and jungkook return to your spots, and lisa gives you a look that says “what was that??? we’re definitely talking about this later” to which you respond with a quick shrug as you pass by her 

“okay…” miss im clears her throat quietly, letting out an uncomfortable chuckle before flipping to the next page on her clipboard, jimin following close behind her as the two of them head back to the front of the room, “let me see… jisoo, seokjin, can you guys come up next?” 

“i’m sorry if i- if i made you uncomfortable with my comment, y/n, i really didn’t mean to-“ jungkook whispers, and you shake your head quickly as you look up at him with a frown 

“no, not at all! it was very sweet of you-“ you reassure him, reaching down to give his hand a squeeze, “really, it was very kind of you to say. and you did a great job as well- sorry i almost stepped on your foot when i-”

“oh, that’s- no, it was really all you, i basically just followed you and made sure to spin you and stuff-“ 

“jungkook!” jimin’s voice is crisp and it makes you stand straight up as you turn your head to look back at the front, “talking again while your peers are getting ready to perform up front?” 

jungkook’s face turns bright red and he shakes his head quickly, “i- no, sir, i’m- i wasn’t-“ 

“i talked to him first, so if you’re going to bark at someone, you should do it at me-“ you raise your hand to get jimin to look over at you before giving him a casual shrug, “my bad.” 

“‘your bad’?” jimin repeats with air quotations, narrowing his eyes at you and almost daring you to continue speaking to him in such a casual tone when you know he’s made it very clear how important it is to speak to him formally when it’s class time, “well, is there something that you’d like to share with the class since it was so important you had to speak to jungkook about it right now?” 

“just that he did a fantastic job and he looked incredibly handsome doing it,” you chirp, maintaining a smile on your face, “i also said that we did completely amaze everyone with our routine because i guess we just fit together so, so well and- well, the second half of my comment, i’ll say to him when the two of us are outside of class, as miss im suggested.” 

your comment doesn’t get any snickers, which isn’t a surprise considering the fact that everyone is probably terrified of how angry jimin looks — but honestly, you have no idea why he seems to be picking on you and jungkook but you have a feeling it has something to do with the breakup 

and when you think about that, you can’t help but get more infuriated because can’t he see that he benefits from you breaking up with him?! now he’s free to date whoever he wants to date

like he said, he can be in a real relationship instead of whatever the fuck the two of you were in 

not to mention, you haven’t brought your personal feelings into the situation the same way he has (this is a lie, you are definitely acting on your emotions right now but the denial is slathered on thick today) so what makes him think that he has the right to treat you and jungkook like shit just because he’s all pissy?!?! 

“i’d like to pull y/n out to talk to her for a moment.” jimin immediately turns to look at naeyon with his hands behind his back, nayeon frowning as she looks back and forth between him and you, “now please, miss im. we won’t be long.” 

“well, can you wait until we’re done?” you pipe up, and that gets you a little stomp on the toes from seulgi because now you’re just doing too much but the rage that’s building inside of you from having jimin clearly picking on both you and jungkook is becoming unbearable, “i just think the respectable move is to wait until we’re done learning, mr. park. or would you like to continue wasting everyone’s time by singling out jungkook and i just because you’re clearly in a sour mood for no reason and seem to be enjoying using us as your emotional punching bags?” 

the silence is almost palpable, both you and jimin glaring at each other from across the room as everyone stands silently, awkwardly, because what the absolute fuck is going on right now? 

jimin’s eyes have gone completely dark and if it weren’t for the fact that he used to be your boyfriend, you would probably be terrified for basically cussing out your teacher in front of the whole class — but the scale feels balanced now because the current conversation taking place doesn’t seem at all like a mr. park vs miss. y/l/n interaction… this is a jimin vs y/n interaction. 

“leave this classroom right now.” jimin says through gritted teeth, his voice eerily low and quiet as he continues staring at you without a single blink, “right fucking now, y/n.” 

“no problem.” you snap, swiftly moving your way through the crowd and heading straight for the door, your fists clenched at your sides 

you let the door slam shut behind you, angry tears beginning to brim at the edges of your eyes as you storm down the hallway towards the changing rooms so you can get your bags and go home

you shouldn’t have come to class today — you knew that seeing jimin would be too much for you and now look at where it’s gotten you! 

openly disrespecting jimin not just in front of the girls but also in front of miss im’s boys, which probably mortified jimin because he prides himself on how well-behaved you guys are whenever you’re paired up with students from another class… you have a feeling this isn’t going to end well at all. 

the thought of being grilled not just by jimin but also the dean of the school sends a lightning bolt of anxiety right into you and your brain immediately begins to conjure up an email of what you’re going to say in your apology letter because that’s the type of student you are, not whoever you were just a second ago 

you just couldn’t help yourself!! you’re running on an inconsistent sleep schedule and you haven’t been eating right and you’ve barely been drinking water and you’re sad about the breakup and mad at the circumstances and also feeling a little bit like maybe you acted too hastily in the first place and should’ve communicated with jimin about how you were feeling and what you were insecure about instead of diving head first into the whole crazy jealous girlfriend act and driving him away 

and now it seems to be your ego and your pride standing in the way of making you turn around and just talk to jimin because walking away and accepting that this is just the way things are is the much easier option 

“so stupid,” you sniffle, reaching up to wipe away a stray tear as your bottom lip starts to tremble 

you’ve ruined everything 

“hey, i didn’t say you could leave-“ you glance over your shoulder when you hear jimin’s voice as you continue making your way down the stairs, but you pick up your pace when you see him starting to follow you, “y/n, i swear to god-“ 

“i’m going home, i’m clearly not in the right state of mind to be here right now, mr. park-“

“oh, don’t give me that bullshit, y/n-“ jimin snaps, “i think you and i both know we’ve been avoiding each other but we need to talk because your behaviour today isn’t coming out of nowhere-“ 

“i’m sorry for talking back to you in class, but you were clearly picking on jungkook and i and i was so fucking over it-“ you swing the main door open, sneakers squeaking against the linoleum when you come to a sudden stop after seeing how heavy the rainfall is 

you contemplate staying and waiting until the rain calms down a little but the thought of having to stay and talk to jimin is just a little too much for you at the moment 

“it’s raining out and you don’t have an umbrella, you big baby-“ jimin changes the subject when thunder suddenly rumbles from outside, stopping at the top of the stairs to look at you, “what are you gonna do, walk in the rain?!” 

“if that’s what i wanted to do, then i have every right to do so!” 

you came here by bus and you know it doesn’t come for another twenty minutes, meaning that not only are you going to have to walk in the rain to the bus stop, you’ll also have to wait in the rain until it comes and that’s just a recipe for the nastiest cold in the entire world

and the thought of having to nurse a horrible cold and nurse your poor heart sounds like a nightmare 

“y/n, i know you’re upset but you’re being irrational-”

“so what if i wanna walk in the rain?!” the emotional side of your brain takes over as you glare up at jimin before storming towards the doors, “i’m an adult, i can make my own decisions-“ 

“i know you are, and i know you can, but, y/n, please-“ jimin grabs the back of your arm right as you get to the bottom of the stairs and you immediately fling his arm away, “just talk to me, please-“

“about what?!” you adjust the strap of your duffle bag over your shoulder, “we broke up, it’s for the better, you’re my teacher and i’m your student and we never should’ve started dating in the first place because it never would’ve worked out anyway and-“ before you know it, everything is coming out of you and you can’t find a way to stop or control the words coming out of your mouth, “and i think maybe i shouldn’t come to class for a few weeks because it’s going to be weird and i can’t- i can’t be in the same room as you, jimin, it’s killing me-“ 

“it’s killing me, too-“ jimin admits softly, brown eyes glistening slightly underneath the lights, “i just- i can’t stop thinking about you, and i- baby, i- i miss you so much, you have no idea-“ your eyes immediately well with tears and you shake your head quickly as you take a few steps back, pushing the door open and stumbling out while unable to tear your gaze away from jimin’s, “please, we can figure something out, i know we can. i know i want to be with you, y/n, i don’t want anyone else, i just want you-“ his voice tremors slightly and he reaches out for you, “and i didn’t mean it when i called our relationship nothing, i was just hurt and- and angry and- i don’t even know why we broke up-“ 

“you should be with nayeon, she’s better for you and-“ you lower your voice slightly, “i know you went out with her over the weekend, so-“

“went out with her??” jimin gawks, almost letting out a laugh of disbelief, “we met up for coffee to talk about the lesson plan for today- don’t think i didn’t hear what everyone was muttering about before class, you guys need to cut the gossiping and- oh my god, y/n, is that what this is about?? you think i want to be with nayeon? we broke up for a reason, you- this is so incredibly frustrating, y/n, why can’t you just believe me when i say that i want to be with you?!” 

everything that’s coming out of jimin’s mouth makes you feel ten times worse knowing that the two of you can’t be together 

“this is why we need to sit down and talk about things, be honest and give each other our side of the story, because clearly something’s been miscommunicated and-“

“it doesn’t matter, jimin, at the end of the day, even if we talk about what happened we still can’t be together-“

“we can, we just- we can figure something out-“ the overwhelming reminder that you’ll have to tell the dean and all your classmates and face judgement and be gossiped about on top of the already overwhelming emotion of seeing and talking to jimin is just too much for you to bear, and you find your heart skipping more than a few beats out of anxiety because the only thing on your mind right now is to run away and hide from all of this 

“i can’t be here, i have to go home, i can’t be here right now-“ you whimper, turning around to head into the rain, “you just- we can’t be together, jimin-“ 

“y/n-!” the last thing you hear before you sprint out into the dark, misty rain is the sound of jimin crying out for you and you can’t help but burst into tears, covering your mouth with your hand to muffle your sobs

run away run away run away run away 

water splashes up and around you at every step you take, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you keep running down the sidewalk with your duffle bag flopping behind you wildly 

this is too much

everything is just too much 

you just need to go home and then everything will be fine 

it doesn’t matter that jimin wants to work on things with you (it does, because you do, too), it doesn’t matter that he wants to find a way to make things work (it does, because you do, too), it doesn’t matter that he’s clearly stated that he wants to be with you and not nayeon (it does, because it reassures you and now you really know that jimin just wants you and you know that you just want him too) because all that matters is that everything is too much to handle and you feel like your head is about to explode 

“so what am i supposed to do then?!” the sound of jimin’s voice down the street immediately makes you stop and turn around, and you’re glad that it’s raining like this to mask the tears streaming down your face

you aren’t surprised that he’s caught up to you, and you stand still as you look at him standing across from you, all the way at the end of the block, “what the FUCK am i supposed to do, y/n, huh?!” he yells, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pounding against his chest a few times, “you want me to stand here and act like i don’t love you?! like we never happened?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!” 

“i…”

“tell me that’s what you want and i’ll leave it alone, y/n. all you have to do is tell me that this is what you want.” your feet are stuck in place as jimin jogs right over to you and you resist the very strong urge to look away from him again but he just looks so sad and you hate yourself for doing this to him

“it was wrong of me to pressure you to tell your friends about us the way that i did, i know that.” jimin nods, slicking his hair back with a hand, “i fucked up, and i’m sorry for doing that. but i meant it when i said i wanted to be in a proper relationship, y/n, because i want to be able to hold your hand in public, i wanna take you out for dinners without constantly feeling like we’re going to get caught, i- i want to show you off! i wanna show you off because i… i love you, y/n…” 

jimin shakes his head in disappointment when your only response is to stand there, staring at him with wide, trembling eyes 

he waits one, two, three seconds for you to say something, to say literally anything and he hates that you still have nothing to say to him 

even if you said you didn’t want to be with him, that would be a better response than you just standing there staring at him 

forget it 

obviously you’ve made your answer clear, and now he knows that he was 100% more invested in you than you were in him 

if you want him to pretend like he doesn’t care about you and that you’re just another one of his students, he’s perfectly capable of doing that 

he was a little out of control today, but he’ll be able to manage it in future classes

the thought of transferring you to another teacher’s class briefly flits through his mind but he’s reminded by the fact that he’d have to talk to the dean about that and then the dean would have to ask why jimin wants to transfer you and that’d just be a whole thing 

plus, the semester’s nearly over so pretty soon jimin won’t have to be forced to be in the same room with the woman he loves but he can’t say he loves 

it’s going to fine

everything is going to be fine 

he’s been broken up with before, and he’s picked himself up and has moved on 

he can do this 

“fine, y/n.” he scoffs to himself, turning on his heel to head back towards the building, “if that’s what you want, i can’t change your mind. i’m sorry. i won’t push it any further.” 

“i was gonna talk to the dean!”

jimin stops in his tracks when you finally speak up, and he turns to look over his shoulder to see that you’ve taken one step forward but hesitating to come any closer to him like a scared baby deer 

he doesn’t move, afraid that if he moves too quickly he might scare you off and stop you from what you’re about to say 

“what?” he asks quietly, turning around to face you and relieved to see that you don’t seem like you’re about to take off again 

“i was- i was gonna talk to the dean.” you repeat quietly before averting your gaze, “i’d made an appointment and everything, i was gonna talk to the dean about us because i- i love you… too.” you blurt out, looking back up at him, “i love you too, but i’m… scared.” 

“scared of someone finding out?” 

“well, that’s a pretty big chunk of it because i could get expelled and you could get fired, but i’m also scared because… the last time i felt this way about someone, they left me for their ex six months after we said i love you to each other.” you swallow thickly, feeling slightly ashamed and embarrassed to admit that about yourself since it’s not something you like to bring up, “i… if there is even a 1% chance of you and nayeon getting back together, i don’t want any part of it. and i know that’s unfair of me to say because life happens and i get it but-” you whimper, feeling your heart splinter at the reminder of how broken up you were over your previous relationship, “as much as i love you and i want to work on things with you, i don’t wanna be hurt again-“ 

“you won’t be, y/n-“

“you don’t know that-“

“but i do!” jimin drops to his knees, looking up at you from the ground as he keeps his hands firm on the sides of your thighs, “baby, i do know that- i don’t know what crazy rumour you guys cooked up but i’m not secretly in love with nayeon- i wanna be with you, please, please just give us a chance to make it work-“

“i’m still your student, jimin…” you sniffle, reaching up to wipe at your red eyes, “all of this doesn’t change the fact that you are my teacher and i am your student, and the both of us never should’ve started doing this in the first place-“ 

“i’ll talk to the dean about getting you transferred to another class, or- or i can transfer to another class- i will make it work, y/n, we can make this work.” 

you chew on the inside of your cheek anxiously as you look down at jimin, jimin who you’re hopelessly in love with, jimin who you love waking up next to and falling asleep beside, jimin who wakes you up with kisses on the face and a mug of tea (you hate tea, you just drink it because it’s him), jimin who you know you want to be with because it’s been so long since you’ve felt so strongly and so surely about someone and… well, it’s jimin. 

“okay.” you nod slowly, reaching down to cup his cheek gently before swiping your thumb against his skin, “okay, we can make it work. i wanna make this work, but i think the first thing we have to do is talk to the dean because i don’t know how much longer i can hide it from everyone-!” you don’t get much of a chance to say anything else before jimin’s shooting up from the ground, pulling you in for a kiss as your duffle bag drops to the ground 

“oh my god, i missed you so much, you have no idea how much-“ jimin murmurs against your lips, his arm looping around your waist to pull you in closer, while your arms sling around his neck and your fingers curl into the hair at the back of his head 

“i missed you too-“ you laugh lightly, heart thrumming happily in your chest as you find yourself pressing closer into jimin’s familiar warmth, “we can make this work.” 

»»————- 🥀 ————-««

(“are we going to talk about how you were basically bullying me and jungkook?” “…no comment.”) 

🎙️ ask y/n where she gets her leg warmers (talk to my characters!) 

📚 why not explore the rest of the library while you're here? (full fics!) 

💫 or perhaps you want something shorter to read? (drabbles and mini series!)

🌟 or something even shorter? (teeny tidbits!) 

#sorry it's so late!!!! #drabble spun out of control #forgot how good this song was omg #balletteacher!jimin #balletteacher!jimin drabbles #jimin drabbles #jimin drabble recs #jimin one shots #jimin one shot recs #jimin fics #jimin fic recs #park jimin fics #park jimin fic recs #bts jimin #bts fics #bts fic recs #bts authors #bts writer recs #bts fanfic #bts author recs #reader insert #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #jimin angst #jimin angst recs #jimin smut #jimin smut recs #jimin fluff #jimin fluff recs #jimin headcanons

[rallamajoop]

Resident Evil 7 and Mia's secrets

(Oh, did you think I was done talking about Mia? Not even close! >D)

Coming into this fandom late, I was surprised that popular fanon has it that Mia never does come clean to Ethan, post-RE7. Sure, RE8 depends on Mia not having told Ethan he died in Dulvey, but that has nothing to do with her own past with the Connections (and far more to do with Ethan's own denial, but that's a whole other thing).

Myself, I’d taken it as given that the scene where Ethan learns the truth must have just happened off-screen. Because, disappointing as that omission is, the whole damn game is leading up to it.

And having replayed RE7 lately, I realised there'd be no better way to explain my take than to catalog every time the game spells out to us that Ethan knows Mia’s keeping secrets and wants answers, and that Mia herself wants to come clean.

Heck, it’s just about the very first thing we learn about them.

“Ethan... You were right. I did lie to you. I shouldn’t have, but…”

Ethan's not actually stupid, and Mia's secrecy has obviously strained their marriage for some time. And as soon as Ethan finds her, he’s asking questions.

Here, he’s mostly asking who did this to you; it's way too early for real answers. But then Eveline takes control, shit goes down, and next we see her, it’s in her recorded message from the “Mia” video tape.

“There’s so much you need to know.”

When Ethan finds Mia again under the old house, he’s angry and has every right to be, and he doesn’t pull any punches.

“I always wanted to tell you…”

But Mia’s memory’s still a mess, and Lucas interrupts. Ethan’s next chance to ask questions comes in the boat, and he wastes no time.

“You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”

Mia’s a little more defensive here, but she’s not lying about the holes in her memory. The game’s gearing up for the big reveal anyway, and the writers aren’t about to let her spoil it early.

If you choose Zoe instead of Mia, Ethan spends the boat ride asking all the same questions, only louder.

“I knew Mia was hiding something.”

But in the end, what do we get?

Whoever you choose, Ethan only gets a few brief moments with Mia after she frees him from Eveline’s mould, and no explanations are offered. But if you do pick Mia, then we end with Ethan flying away with her in the helicopter, saying only, “Mia's back and she wants to start over,” and I’m left going, wait, what? Haven’t we skipped something here?

In defence of the fanon consensus that Ethan never finds out the truth, that does seem to be the ‘canonical’ intent ‒ at least inasmuch as there's this one throwaway bit about Mia not wanting Ethan to know buried in a bonus text file only available with this one overpriced DLC for RE8. That’s it, that’s as much explicit recognition as this thing ever gets, one way or the other. And fucking hell, but that's a let down.

Even if we assume that Mia’s desire to come clean goes away once her memory comes back, why would Ethan just stop asking? He’s been asking questions the whole damn game – was clearly asking questions long before the game began! Knowing that Eveline was controlling people doesn’t explain what Mia had to do with it all. Now he’s suddenly all, ‘killed the bad guy, saved the girl, everything’s fine’? Was all that ‘a door closed’ bullshit supposed to be him accepting he’d never get answers? Why?

There are workable ways to spin Ethan never finding out. You could suggest he just accepts that Mia’s memory is gone (hell, for all we actually see of the ending, Mia genuinely might have lost her memory again after Eveline sucked her back into the mould). After all the trauma Ethan’s been through, you could also suggest he’s gone directly into denial, refusing to face anything that might threaten his ‘happy ending’ with Mia. You could even suggest that that bit with Eveline saying 'I can make him love you' is her actively wiping Ethan's suspicions away. There's some lovely, subtle horror in any of these possibilities ‒ I would genuinely love to see all of them explored in fic! But none of them actually come through in the ending we get, and that omission is the single biggest issue that makes that conclusion to RE7 unsatisfying to me.

The whole damn game has been building up to the big confrontation where Ethan finds out the truth and (eventually, if not immediately) finds a way to forgive Mia, so we can still have our happy ending. As much OTT hate as Mia gets, the game is consistent in portraying her as someone who is painfully aware of how bad she’s fucked up, regrets it, and is committed to doing everything she can to protect the man she loves from the fallout of her mistakes.

I cannot overstate how willing Mia is to die to save Ethan, from the very moment she realises she's infected. She does die to save him if you choose Zoe over her. It's so much of why I ship them do hard.

But most frustrating of all, denying Mia the chance to come clean denies her any chance to explain herself. How did she get involved with the Connections? Did she know from the outset who she was working for? Did she genuinely buy into the idea they were finding ways to win wars without losing soldiers on battlefield, that the human casualties of all their work was worth it? If not, why did she keep working there? Was she slowly frog-boiled down to the deep end, did they have dirt on her, did she fear they might kill her if she tried to leave? What excuses did she make to herself as the months or years went on?

It's possible Mia’s the kind of hypocrite who doesn’t care about the human casualties of her employer, just as long as she and hers are okay, but nothing we see from her sells me on that interpretation. And even if she ever was, it's even harder to believe she's still that person after all she's been through.

It aggravates me that the games never gave us answers, not just because I want explanations that cast Mia in a sympathetic light, but because not giving us answers leaves this huge hole in her character. I'd even take explanations that cast her in an unsympathetic light, as long as it all ties together.

It irritates me even more because, even if Capcom wasn’t up for giving Ethan and Mia the big emotional confrontation they deserved, the solution was so simple: let Ethan find Mia’s diary on his way out of the ship. The whole goddamn franchise is filled with diaries and documents where characters lay out their backstories and motivations in ludicrous detail – why does Mia never get one? Just give us a handful of entries dated over the years, laying out her own feelings and anxieties about the job she’s doing. It would’ve been so easy!

It irritates me nearly as much that, even in the few corners of this fandom sympathetic to Mia, no-one seems to be very interested in answering these questions in fic or shared headcanons (and if there are examples out there I don't know about, please do link me to them!) How much did Mia know about what she was getting into when she started working for the Connections? Was it the job she kept telling herself was just until she could find something better, only for that ‘something better’ to never come along? Did she have stains on her record that made it hard to find another job? How much of her lying was a misguided attempt to protect Ethan, and how much was simply about protecting herself? There's so much to explore here!

This is also where I mention that I've already put my money where my mouth on this one, and written up my own take on Mia's backstory, and how Ethan might have found out the truth. You don't have to agree with my version, of course ‒ I mean it when I say I'd love to see other people's ideas too. Heck, I'd even be up for versions where Ethan ultimately can't forgive her, just as long as people come at it from the angle of looking at Mia as a character, not just a one-dimensional-villain.

But of course, I'd still prefer to think about versions where these two do find a way to make it work. It takes a lot to make me ship het this hard, but these two stealth-badasses have pulled it off with style.

#Mia Winters #Ethan Winters #mithan #Resident Evil 7 #Resident Evil Village #Resident Evil #Mia Winters week #RE lore #meta

[gatheringbones]

[“When I first came out as a lesbian in 1971, identity politics were so pervasive that this modality didn’t even have a name; it was simply the sea in which every queer sank or swam. One of the key assumptions of identity politics is that we can reveal in one grand social drama of coming out the absolute inner core of truth that makes up one’s “real self.” Coming out is seen as a process like peeling away the layers of an onion or the petals of an artichoke. Identity politics also assumes that your political allies will have to be people who share your identity because nobody else could understand your oppression or really be committed to fighting it; that people who share some aspects of your sexuality but not others are either afraid to come out or traitors to the cause; that it’s not possible for someone to change the way they label themselves without being dishonest or cowardly.

Now I see queer politics quite differently. I know from personal experience that I can’t trust somebody just because their sexual preferences or their gender identity resembles my own. I know we can make allies who are indignant about injustice even if it does not impinge directly upon their own lives. I see coming out as a lifelong process that proceeds as I become ready to understand and accept aspects of myself which bear lessons I need to learn at different points in my life. Each new coming out does not recreate me as a whole new person; I think some people view it this way, but this is crazy-making and too compartmentalized for me. It’s more like being able to see each and every spoke of the wheel that makes up my being, or like opening up and furnishing another new room of my soul.

I wonder what coming out would be like if we were not forced into these defensive positions of tribal loyalty and us-them thinking. What if we could say to a friend who was embarking on a new coming out, “I love you, and so I must also love this new aspect of yourself. Because I care about you I want to know more about it. Let’s both learn from this.” Instead, what usually happens is a great deal of indignation, betrayal, and rejection. I think this is because a person who is coming out threatens the identities of former acquaintances, partners, and coworkers. If someone else’s identity can be fluid or change radically, it threatens the boundaries around our own sense of self. And if someone can flout group norms enough to apply for membership in another group, we often feel so devalued that we hurry to excommunicate that person. This speaks to our own discomfort with the group rules. The message is: I have put up with this crap for the sake of group membership, and if you won’t continue to do the same thing, you have to be punished.

We seem to have forgotten that the coming-out process is brought into being by stigma. Without sexual oppression, coming out would be an entirely different process. In its present form, coming out is reactive. While it is brave and good to say “No” to the Judeo-Christian “Thou Shalt Nots,” we have allowed our imaginations to be drawn and quartered by puritans. I believe that most of the divisions between human sexual preferences and gender identities are artificial. We will never know how diverse or complex our needs in these realms might be until we are free of the threat of the thrown rock, prison cell, lost job, name-calling, shunning, and forced psychiatric “treatment.”

I do not think human beings were meant to live in hostile, fragmented enemy camps, forever divided by suspicion and prejudice. If coming out has not taught us enough compassion to see past these divisions, and at least catch a vague glimpse of a more unified world, what is the use of coming out at all? I have told this story, not to say that anybody else should follow me or imitate me, but to encourage everyone to keep an open mind and an open heart when change occurs. The person who needs tolerance and compassion during a major transformation may be your best friend, your lover, or your very self. Bright blessings to you on the difficult and amazing path of life.”]

patrick califa, from layers of the onion, spokes of the wheel, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000

#pat califa #bi literature #lesbian literature #trans literature #history stuff

[danganronpa-headcanons-imagines]

Danganronpa Love Languages (SDR2)

[ DR THH | SDR2 | DR V3 ]

Hajime Hinata - Words of Affirmation

No matter your Ultimate, no matter your gender identity, no matter your personality, Hajime is open with how much he likes you. He adores you and isn't afraid to show it. At the start he was much more awkward but slowly opened up and got more confident. Now, he won't be doing these drastic public displays of affection or anything, that isn't his deal. But he will hold hands and openly refer to you as his partner. Hajime sees no need to hide or deny your relationship, if people don't like it that's their problem. The most obvious way he shows his affection is his words, being incredibly direct and honest. He shows a ton of respect for your Ultimate no matter what it is. Hajime loves to ask you questions about it and learn about your life

Akane Owari - Physical Touch

Akane, as we know, had a tough life growing up. Besides her clear desperation for food, she also had a tough time being sexualized. Most men just kinda saw her as a hot piece of meat and treated her like shit. So when you asked her out, she just kinda assumed you wanted to fuck her, and offered herself. When you quickly shut that down and told her you wanted to be in a genuine relationship, she kinda froze up. It was an odd feeling, but it was almost relieving to her. Throughout the relationship she felt more and more comfortable touching you. She knew you wouldn't take advantage of her, and thus appreciated it when you hugged and kissed her. It could get aggressive at times if she was in a hyper mood but she really enjoys just some wholesome times. Cuddling is a must for her, especially after big meals. Just laying down and falling into a food coma together is pure bliss

Byakuya Twogami - Words of Affirmation

When you got together Twogami kept their sort of Byakuya impression and tried to be aloof, but it was clear that wasn't their real personality. They constantly compliment you and openly shows their affection. At least when they are in a disguise. When you eventually managed to make them take down the facade, they really softened more and you got to see them for who they are. Imposter is soft spoken and much more bashful than you expected. Instead of being confident, when they compliment you like this, they have a much harder time getting the words out. Imposter doesn't see themself as someone with any identity, so seeing how unique you are gives them inspiration and admiration for you. It may be hard for them to say, but you will definitely hear it

Chiaki Nanami - Quality Time

Chiaki is a simple girl, she likes to take life as it comes and just kinda go with the flow. And she appreciates a partner that can do the same. She doesn't really like going on dates, they just aren't her scene. She'd honestly rather stay home eating snacks and playing video games with you. To be honest, Chiaki just likes being with you in general. It doesn't have to be a big deal, often you guys will just cuddle and relax or play games together. Even if you don't feel like talking Chiaki is happy to just be with you in comfortable silence. Since she tends to be sleepy throughout the day, she often will end up falling asleep at your place. If you decide to lay down with her, when she wakes up and notices you, she'll smile lovingly and give you a quick cheek kiss (before falling right back asleep)

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu - Quality Time

Being a literal mob boss doesn't give you much personal time. Him and Peko are often super busy throughout the day, with Fuyuhiko getting frustrated an apologizing everytime, despite your insistance that it's okay. The days he does have off he likes to spend with you. He isn't really used to being vulnerable and affectionate, so whenever you try to be romantic he will initially push back. Understand it isn't that he doesn't like you, it's just unusual to him, he'll eventually accept the affection and reciprocate. When he is comfortable enough he likes to take you to all kinds of places for date nights. He doesn't care how dumb it is or how he has to make it happen, you want to go to that pickle museum? You are GOING to that pickle museum god dammit! Oh and fun fact. Neither of you know this, but more than half the days Fuyuhiko gets off are actually cause of Peko stepping in. She wants to see her Young Master happy! She has no issues pulling some strings here or there

Gundam Tanaka - Physical Touch

This man lives off of drama and theatrics, do you really think he's gonna hold back in your relationship? Hell nah, you are his dark deity who is destined to rule with him. Anyone who questions will have a curse instantly fall upon them. He is PROUD to let the world know of your relationship and feels no embarrassment! ...Kinda. When he brags in public, 80% of it is all show and overcompensation. He is actually trying to keep his dark lord image up to keep the mortals intimidated. In reality, your relationship makes him weak in the knees. He adores you to his core. Gundam becomes incredibly soft with you and surprisingly bashful. In fact, physical contact is a quick way to turn him into a blushing mess. Everytime you even graze his hand Gundam's heart skips a beat. And when you kiss? Instantly hiding in his scarf afterwards. He doesn't quite understand why it affects him so deeply, it had to be some dark forces in the universe. No matter what it was, Gundam loves it, and shows his appreciation in his own unique way

Hiyoko Saionji - Physical Touch

Jesus christ this girl is a handful. Pretty much from your first interaction she was hostile and condesending. But strangly you both ended up in a relationship somehow, with no complaints on either side. After you started showing more kindness and helped her, she saw you in a more positive light. You weren't as useless or untrustworthy as she thought. Hiyoko still lowkey bullies and teases you, but it's turned more playful and lighthearted. And she's also gotten more physically affectionate, openly clinging to you and leading you by the hand all over the place. She pretty much hangs by you as much as possible, and can get pretty protective. Not to mention really jealous whenever anyone tries to sweet talk you

Ibuki Mioda - Physical Touch

BRUH, this is I-BU-KI MI-O-DA! She is all OVER you 24/7! Pretty much every time she sees you she tackles you with a hug. She adores hugging you and holding hands and jumping into your arms etc etc etc. Sometimes you'll have to use a crowbar to pry her off of you. And don't get me started on the kisses. Ibuki is a kiss machine and loves to just pepper your face with kisses. You're just so damn cute, she can't help herself! It doesn't matter where you are, you gonna get smooched. Funnily enough, when you reciprocate she gets kinda bashful somehow. Ibuki tends to blush hard and stammer, giggling like crazy. Just expect a lot of affection in this relationship

Kazuichi Souda - Words of Affirmation

You saw how he was with Sonia. When he met and fell in love with you he fell HARD. And the fact that you actually gave him the time of day and even liked him back??? He is gonna worship the ground you stand on. Kazuichi adores everything about you and lets you know it everyday. How cute you are, how funny you are, how smart you are, in his eyes you are near perfect. Even when you get into arguments he doesn't stay mad long and tends to apologize first. To most it seems like overcompensation and dramatic, but his feelings are genuine. It's just... Kazuichi really appreciates how much you care for him, you make him feel special and worth something. So god dammit he is gonna make you know he feels the same! (Make sure to tell him to cool it sometimes, he really shouldn't be gushing about you during a funeral)

Mahiru Koizumi - Gift Giving

Being expected to take care of everyone around her can be stressful, it's a lot of pressure. Thankfully with you it's nice cause you're appreciative and don't expect it from her. Mahiru does it out of love rather than obligation. But she doesn't see her deeds as romantic really, instead she loves to give you gifts that memorialize moments in your relationship. The moment you met, your first date, for your one year anniversary she even made a collage of pictures taken on every date you've been on! For the longest time she was hiding a secret, but one day when you were feeling very depressed she revealed it. Mahiru had been keeping a photo album of pictures of you smiling. Some you knew of and remembered, but some of them were secret shots she took when you were distracted. She apologized if it was creepy, but to you it was sweet. Whenever you get self-conscious or sad she loves to bring it out and remind you of the good times you've had together

Mikan Tsumiki - Acts of Service

Mikan is a girl of little self-respect. Years of bullying, abuse, and sexual harassment has really broken her emotionally. So when you asked her out she thought it was a prank. After being reassured she then got the idea that you just wanted her body. It took a long time for her to understand your true intentions, but when she did it all changed. Throughout your relationship she is greatful for your kindness and support, and wants to do the same for you. Being one of the best nurse's in Japan means Mikan can treat you for almost anything. Whether it's a physical injury or a virus she knows what to do. She is a pure blessing when you're sick. She also tries to do other things like cook you dinner and clean the house, but often just ends up fucking it up and somehow (you appreciate it all the same though!)

Nagito Komaeda - Words of Affirmation

Let's get this straight, he considers himself to be pure garbage, and you to be a ray of hope (uh oh). Nagito always wonders why you ever got together with him, let alone loved him. He feels incredibly inferior. Whenever you do anything nice for him he is eternally grateful and thanks you profusely. Nothing you do will ever be taken for granted. He is also very open about how highly he thinks of you, so when you start to feel self-doubt he is quick to shoot that down. Nagito is positive about you, but you'll have to get used to his self deprecation. He constantly says you deserve better than him, sometimes ruining sweet moments on dates. If you get upset he'll apologize though and make up for it

Nekomaru Nidai - Words of Affirmation

Nekomaru is your number one fan, he is your ROCK. And not just cause he's built like one! He is a natural at motivation and uses that constantly with you. You'll never feel like you can't do something, cause he will be by your side encouraging you and cheering you on. He truly believes in you and knows you can do anything if you try hard enough. And if you happen to need a helping hand he is happy to assist, no hesitation! Now in public he is a bit too much of an open book sometimes. He isn't afraid to talk about your relationship, but sometimes that includes some... personal details that you wouldn't want most people to know casually. Trust me though, he has absolutely no intention of embarrassing you, and quickly apologizes when he notices your uncomfortable face. And don't worry about any of that information spreading, a simple crack of his knuckles scares anyone into silence

Peko Pekoyama - Acts of Service

With Fuyuhiko, Peko sees herself as a tool. And with you it was no different. It was kind of like her being a bodyguard who also goes on dates with you. But know that it comes from love, not obligation. She genuinely feels that you are special and important to her. Her heart is dead set on keeping you safe and happy no matter what. She knows she isn't very good with words, it's hard for her to express her feelings without being serious and precise. So instead Peko shows her love by being protective of you in all manners. Of course no one would dare lay a finger on you, but even people bully or insult you are gonna meet the end of her sword. She can't stand it when people disrespect you. Although most of the time she is very serious and stoic, sometimes you can gently get through her barrier and make her bashful. Holding her hand staring into her eyes easily sends her into a blushing mess. You being so precious just fuels her to always be there for you no matter what

Sonia Nevermind - Gift Giving

Sonia is a sweetie, let me tell you. She knows about relationships and has been in a few, but somehow it's still very foreign to her. To be fair though they were not ideal relationships. A lot of them were just potential princes that wanted power, not love. Thankfully she got out of those quickly, and with you it was so refreshing how healthy it was! You don't nitpick her when she says a phrase wrong or mock her for misunderstanding certain cultures. Instead when you laugh, she feels the playfulness and laughs with you. To show her appreciation she gets good use out of her royalty funds. Sonia buys you whatever you want whenever you want. Especially when you get into a new hobby, she loves to buy you a shit ton of related stuff (200 colors of yarn for knitting, antique books that are out of print, a football stadium, it's all for you baby). Nothing is too expensive for you!

Teruteru Hanamura - Acts of Service

We all know he loves some touchy touchy action. It don't matter what parts you got or your body type, he is IN 10000%. He makes it clear by constantly flirting with you and trying to initate any sort of sexual activites (it's fun to see him sulk when you turn him down). But strangely enough, Teruteru actually shows love by cooking for you. Yeah, your hot bod is a big bonus. But that smile on your face when you taste his food? Absolutely priceless. He loves to cook all your meals, and often uses his Mom's special recipes. When one day you asked him to teach you how to cook, his heart soared. He immedietly gave you an apron and pulled out a recipe book so you could choose one to try. Never worry if you make mistakes or completely fail, Teruteru doesn't mind! You gotta start somewhere, and as long as you use the ingredients you have and don't purposly waste them it's all good. But know that even though he doesn't get angry, he will mock you if you're a mess, and can be a little condescending. Just roll with it, he'll eventually humble himself and compliment your efforts

----------

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#danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa headcanons #Hajime Hinata #Akane Owari #Byakuya Twogami #Chiaki Nanami #Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu #Gundam Tanaka #Gundham Tanaka #Hiyoko Saionji #Ibuki Mioda #Kazuichi Souda #Mahiru Koizumi #Mikan Tsumiki #Nagito Komaeda #Nekomaru Nidai #Peko Pekoyama #Sonia Nevermind #Teruteru Hanamura

[distortionbobble]

Royal Flowers Chapter 9

prev | next

series masterlist

summary: y’all know the drill now

series warnings: eventual smut, mentions of death, palpy

a/n: oops

Anakin forgot how beautiful Coruscant is. He can’t recall the exact number of months he’s been away; he stopped keeping track of time around you, but it’s enough to make his skin buzz at the feeling of Coruscant’s humidity. He’s not staying in the Jedi Temple, which is unusual enough to him, but is instead staying with you in the diplomatic lodgings provided by the Senate. It’s strange; he spent every night since he left Coruscant by your side, sleeping next to you, but now that he’s here, it feels so much more intimate. It could be the size of the bed, it could be the reminder of his responsibility and role of a Jedi here on Coruscant, but whatever it is, his heart skips a beat at the thought of sleeping by your side.

The two of you had reached quietly and checked into your lodgings, with him playing the role of the affectionate husband. You seem to be okay, at least as far as he can tell, but you’re certainly quieter. He’s glad for it, but there’s still some part of him that wants to sweep you into his embrace, pull you tight and shield you from the awful parts of the universe. He doesn’t want to dwell on it for too long, but the desire is inescapable. He still doesn’t know what it is that you, Padme, and Obi-Wan had discussed. All you’d said was that Padme had heard something that meant there wasn’t much time left. He’s watching you now from the corner of the room, scanning the room constantly for any threats.

“It feels like it has been too long since I was in Coruscant,” Anakin says finally. It doesn’t feel like his home anymore, and that scares him. No, home in his mind is now back in the Royal Chambers of Naboo, spending every waking moment with you.

“I’m sure. I apologize for the nature of my mission, it must be hard to be away from home for so long,” You say, turning to smile at him. “But hopefully it’ll be over soon, yes?” You say with a hopeful smile. The thought of leaving you twists a knife in Anakin’s gut, but it’s one that he’s learned to accept. It’s always there, always looming, and the only thing left for Anakin to do now is get used to the dagger in his stomach. He’ll have to leave you, sooner or later. But that doesn’t make the thought of it any less painful.

“Anakin… about your friendship with Chancellor Palpatine,” you speak to him from the seat of the vanity as you get your hair ready for bed. “We—“

“He’s a good man,” Anakin snaps at you before you can say anything negative about his friend. Chancellor Palpatine has guided him through so much, and he can’t imagine where he’d be without him.

“I didn’t say he wasn’t,” you respond coolly. “What makes you think I’d say otherwise?”

Anakin hesitates before he sits down on the bed, mesmerized by your elegant movements. “In the past, both Padme and Obi-Wan have cast their doubts about him. But I can’t imagine the idea of their suspicions panning out to be anything. He’s an honorable man, even if they don’t like it.” You nod quietly, and he can’t gauge a thought in your head before you rise and flip the covers to get into the bed.

“I believe you, Anakin. If that’s the case, I think your friend deserves to know you’re still alive, right?” You ask him quietly, laying down sideways. Your statement makes him pause. He should tell Sheev, shouldn’t he? But that would make it all so real, the ending of this. And you look like an angel born of the earth, like the muse of all things beautiful, and he almost wants to say he doesn’t want to tell him, just so he can keep the farce of being yours up for just a little longer. But the feelings spark such shame within him that he just nods, his throat dry, and lays down next to you.

As he sits there in the darkness, listening keenly to the slowing of your breathing, steady and quiet, he realizes something. Nothing in this universe is guaranteed. He is promised nothing by the universe, and he’s seen it countless times; his mother, ripped away from him, the other younglings at the Order rejecting him. But the universe has guaranteed one certainty; when he’s next to you, he can sleep peacefully.

~~~

“Chancellor,” your voice floats above the din of the Senators as you address the man. “If I might borrow your attention?”

“For the Queen of Naboo, my attention is yours to own,” Chancellor Palpatine jests, coming to stand by your side. “Milady, I must ask… what brings you to Coruscant, and to the Senate, no less?”

You allow your painted lips to form just a hint of a smile. You have a thin line to walk now—if he’s a Separatist, of which there is only a slim chance, he can’t think that you truly want to help your people. But if he’s not, you still hold a responsibility to your people. “My people feel as though the urgency of the Separatist threat is not being handled with urgency. I come as a representative for Naboo in order to request the Republic have a stronger role in protecting Naboo… however, I know that our forces get so busy. It’s a shame, isn’t it?” You say, echoing the words that Darth Sidioius had spoken to you before.

Chancellor Palpatine’s face remains a smooth, unmoving mask in response to your words. A little too smooth. Either he’s a horrible chancellor, or you were right to have your suspicions. But you can’t act on inaction. You cough, deciding to move on. “I suppose I shouldn’t delay it much longer. But… Chancellor, keep it a secret, will you?”

“Keep what a secret, Milady?” He asks, tailing you as you stride into one of the nearby conference rooms.

“My husband wished to see you,” You smile, stepping to the side as the door eases shut. Anakin is standing before the glass, soft light catching his hair. At the sound of the door, Anakin turns around with a smile.

“My old friend,” He says, striding over to embrace Chancellor Palpatine.

“I thought— Oh, Anakin, I thought you were dead!” He sputters, embracing Anakin back. “Why the farce? Please, you must tell me everything.” He lets go of Anakin and takes a seat at the long table. Whatever suspicions you may have of him, his excitement and relief of seeing Anakin, alive, does feel authentic. Perhaps he is innocent, and your suspicions are entirely misdirected. But that’s not something you can take a chance on. Nonetheless, you’ll give the two their space.

“I’ll leave the two of you to reconnect,” You say with a smile, tenderly stroking the side of Anakin’s face before you leave the room.

“I know,” Anakin says before the Chancellor can speak. “It must seem so confusing to you. But it’s better this way. I couldn’t bear the thought of going through the process of leaving, announcing my intent to leave and bringing such shame upon my former Masters. And because of my importance, I don’t imagine they’d let me go so easily. My skill in the Force is unmatched by any other Jedi I’ve seen. But…”

“You’re in love with her,” Chancellor Palpatine finishes. Anakin smiles wistfully, swallowing the guilt of lying to his friend. But he needs to sell this. Palpatine also cannot know that you were stationed there to protect you, but he deserves to know you’re alive. Plus, you have some sort of idea that he can help you in uncovering the truth. And Anakin trusts you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before,” Anakin responds, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as the image of you fills his head. The faint smell of jasmine in your hair, the shape of your nose, your lips, the softness of your cheek in his hand and the way you look at him. You look at him like you see him for him, and still trust him. It puts all the rage in his body to rest. He may need to sell this to Sheev, but Anakin’s not sure it’s entirely an act. You do make him feel safe. At the same time, you make his heart race with each little quip you make. You challenge him, frustrate him, and he needs you with him, always. You’ve taught him to love without attachment, the true Jedi way, because he knows he can never truly have you. You’re not his to love.

Sheev smiles. “Young love. It is such a beautiful thing, to be free of the restraints that others have placed upon you and to be able to accept that without guilt.” A bitterness sits in Anakin’s throat as he smiles. If only his friend knew how much he longs for that.

“Well, it would be a shame for your powers to go to waste,” the Chancellor says. “I do hope you find something worthy of it being used. The Force has blessed you, and I believe that you’ll be able to achieve even greater things without the Jedi Order shackling you with all their rules.” His lined face lights up in a smile before he places a hand gently on Anakin’s shoulder, catching Anakin’s eyes as he heads back to the Senate. “But perhaps that’s a conversation for another day. Until then, Anakin.”

“Until then,” Anakin echoes.

~~~

Anakin can hear you screaming. He doesn’t realize it’s you at first; he’s too busy looking at Padme. She’s sobbing, tears rolling down her face as she tries to say something to him. He can’t make out the words, can’t hear them coming out of her mouth. All he feels, all he sees is pain. He’s surrounded by it. Always has been, always will be. And the sound of your screaming, shrieking, drowns out any sound that Padme makes. He tries to turn to you, tries to see where you are but Padme grabs his jaw and turns him back to her. Her nails are digging into his skin and it hurts, it hurts but he just wants you to stop screaming. You’re in pain, he’s in pain, and none of it will stop. Padme’s touch grows hotter and hotter on his skin until he’s sobbing, the heat of it scorching as fire begins to light upon her skin. It engulfs her dress, spreading to her hair, until she lets go. He doesn’t hesitate to run to your voice, the sound of your screaming where you lay there, your body limp as you struggle against something he can’t see.

“Help me,” You beg him, reaching towards him. “Please, Anakin, help me,” You plead. Your fingertips begin to unravel into little tendrils of smoke, reaching towards him as more and more of your body is taken by the smoke.

“No,” He whispers, trying to grab the smoke, holding your body as it disintegrates in his very hands. “No!”

“Anakin,” Your voice cuts through his visions. He wakes up with a start, sweat making strands of hair stick to his forehead. He looks at you with bleary eyes, sitting straight in the bed as you look at him in concern. “Hey. Are you okay? You were talking in your sleep,” You say, sitting up as well. He doesn’t answer, just grabs your wrist and shuts his eyes at the feel of your pulse.

“Hey, it’s okay,” You say. “It was just a bad dream,” You say gently. Anakin feels sick. He’s supposed to feel safe next to you. It’s been months since he had a vision like this, months of blissfully quiet sleep. He was so sure it was because of you. Maybe you’re not close enough. Or maybe it’s this damned place. Anakin leans into you, circling his arms around you and pulling you tightly to his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” You ask him, allowing him to hold you as he breathes slowly, working his way out of the darkness of his dream.

“I dreamt I lost you,” He murmurs into the crown of your head, squeezing you tightly as he remembers the feel of your lifeless body. “The worst part of it is I know I’m gonna lose you anyways. You’re going to be gone, soon enough, and I’ll have to go through all of this alone, all again.”

“I’m always gonna be your friend,” You reassure him. Your breath meets his bare chest and he’s reassured by the fact that you’re alive.You feel warm, warm and full of life a

“I dreamt that you died,” He says simply. “And I can’t have that happen.” Not again. Not like what happened to his mother.

“Anakin,” You say, pulling yourself off of his chest. “I’m okay. You’re protecting me.”

“But what if there’s something I can’t keep you safe from?” He asks, meeting your eyes. His fear is plain as day, and he knows you could piece together what that means in an instant. Why he’s so fearful of losing you. You matter to him, even if he hasn’t said it.

“If there’s something you can’t keep me safe from, then it’s not your fault. Know that. People die sometimes, even if we do our best to keep them safe from it,” You respond. Your voice is surprisingly even despite the gravity of Anakin’s emotions. He doesn’t understand how he hasn’t dragged you down into the depths of his misery but he’s grateful for the anchor that you provide him. “Anakin, the most important thing is the safety and security of the galaxy. To do the most good for the most people, that is what we are born into this universe to ensure. And if—” your voice breaks, and you lean your head back into his chest. “If I do die under your protection, I will know that you’ll have done your best to keep me safe. But more importantly, I’ll know that you will carry out my work and see to it that those who come after us will see a better place. With me, without me, the universe will move on.”

“I don’t accept that answer,” Anakin frowns, but you just laugh.

“It’s the truth. My life will never be more important than the fate of the universe. But you’re stressing about nothing. I’m here, I’m okay, you’re okay. Just… try and go back to sleep, will you?” You ask, shivering before he draws the blanket above the both of you. He’s never really held you like this before. He isn’t holding you to make your pain stop, he’s holding you to make his pain stop. And he doesn’t want to let you go. But that’s what makes him let go, allowing you to go lay down while he sits up, watching as you fall asleep.

You’re not his to keep, anyways.

#smut #fic reblog #my writing #anakin skywalker x reader #fic #distortionbobble's fics #anakin skywalker #reader insert #anakin x reader #star wars

[spookytragedyshark]

Jason Todd and The Ghost Zone

Danny just wanted to have time to be a kid. Ironically the closest he could act like a real kid was in the zone now. So, when he looks like a teen everyone respects it and gives him his space, but it is not the same. There is no one like him.

Now Ghosts know he is their king instinctually, so they cannot treat him like a kid not truly. However, the child ghost Infront of him who looks to be a few years younger is deafeningly out of touch with instinct and Danny can see why. He is absolutely covered in scars and seemingly unaware crying for his dad, Bruce. The kid is covered in what Danny can only descried as rotten ectoplasm.

Grabbing the kid Danny rushes to his ghostly home and summons for anyone who might know what to do. As it turns out the "scars" were wounds that the boy died with. Danny feels sick noting all of them. There are whispers among the ghosts before one steps forward.

"The corruption will be purged over time as long as he remines in the zone, but it will be more affective to stay with you as you are the very start of the zone."

Holding the boy helps a little bit but it takes days before he stops wailing and almost a week and a half before he is awareish.

The first thing the boy asks for is to see his dad. Danny is not sure if the boy is actually awake or not. "I promise as soon as you are healthy enough I'll look into finding your dad."

Through some misunderstandings Jason comes to believe Danny is a servant of the king of the ghost zone and has been lent kingly power to help in situations like his because "why would a king have time to deal with someone like me?" Danny almost corrects him but instead decides this is his chance to have a friend.

Danny trains him to use his powers and learns about who killed him. This joker must be sending off the corruption in waves. Ironically with corruption ingrained like that the man cannot die or be brought to the ghost zone. Danny explains everything to the boy and how often people change names after dying. So Jay has mostly healed, has control of his powers, and knows his obsession.

At first Jay hates it because rebirth and second chances really? How could he forgive the joker? Danny sits beside him "That man has had more than a few second chances you should not feel bad for not giving him another." The being that is the joker might not even be in his original body they discover. Danny knows that he will have to do something about all this but Jay needs him first and foremost and there is little he can do other than clean up the after math.

Jay does not tell him about being Rodin or how he died. He feels fiercely guarded on those things. Danny explains that it is normal to feel that way and that he only needs certain details to help him and to go to the right dimension and time period to see his dad and brother. Jay freaks out about the multiverse for a bit.

When Jay is recovered enough Danny brings him to his funeral. Jay sees them morn for him. They stay there well after the funeral..

Long enough to see Tim climb down from a tree and place flowers on his grave..

Jay asks Danny if he would also like to visit his own grave. Jay knows how important they are to ghosts. Proof they were alive and that they meant something.

"I do not have one. No one really knew or at least accepted I died. We sould look after your family for a bit something does not feel right" Jay would have cried at that but he had been crying the whole time anyway. He could not make himself visible not now at least. Danny said once that there was a possibility after he was completely healed.

Jay convinces Danny not to fallow any of the secret passages. Danny agrees to respect their privacy since they clearly are not evil. Jay panics and says that Bruce is Batmans sugar daddy and that his brother is dating nightwing. Danny just mumbles something about fruitloops. "You are well enough to say on your own for a bit. I'm going to go investigate the corruption do under any circumstances leave Gotham and always be back in the mansion by day light."

This becomes their normal every days they come to Gotham. Danny finds the voice of Gotham when looking for the source of corruption.

"you have greatly helped one of my knights. You my child will always be welcome here. What are you searching for?"

It is from Lady Gotham that Danny learns of the artificial ectoplasm. He destroys the artificial ectoplasm corruption from Arkham and immediately the patents get better little by little but the joker is not there so he can not stop him yet.

Jay sees Tim force his way into Bruce's heart. Jay sees how Tim views himself and wants to tear his hair out. Of course, he gets a baby brother, and his own death is what messes up Bruce's communication skills this time. Jay follows Tim home a few times and honest to God thinks Tim is an orphan for a few months because who leave anyone unattended that long.

"Danny I know there is no way for me to interact with the human world but is there someone, maybe the king who can?"

After Jay breaks down and explains the situation. "He checks their flight records to know if they are coming home and they never are." Danny sighs because explaining he is only half dead and kinda abandoned his home reality because of the government is not something he wants to do. but that's how all the cameras in the bat cave stopped working and Batman found his computer open to the Drakes flight records. Tim was adopted and Jay was almost ready to let go of his human life. Danny was so proud.

Then Jason was thrown in the pit literally ripped away from Danny. It was agonizing to be filled with corruption after almost being completely healed. Then there was his body always filled with rage. Then the old man and the ticktack that tried to convince him he was not avenged and to turn on his family. He saw what nightwing did to the joker. The joker was alive somewhere but had also been killed at lest twice since his death. The only reason he stayed and pretended to go along with it was to see if Danny would find him and get information on the artificial ectoplasm corruption in liquid form. Then there was their heir. He looked like Bruce. It took a while, but he found out yeah that kid was his brother. He slowly drove the kid away form the mindset that they put in him. He told the kid about the constant rage.

Then one night him and Damian disappeared.

Danny was livid. Jay was in pain. he saw what it was doing to him as it was ripping him from the ghost zone. Jason Todds grave was empty and Lady Gotham could not give him much information. Danny searched the planet, but he found more pits as they called them, and it was overwhelming even if they were thousands of years old. So when redhood and demon make it to Gotham and start taking out multimer offenders Danny does not find out till he feels a pull. In Wayne cemetery were Jason Todds grave used to be. They are holding a funeral for Danny Fenton.

The relief is Immedient because there is Jay, but then there's the flowers and acknowledgement. He did not even know he wanted a grave that much, but here he is so overwhelmed by his emotions. He accidently changes into human form and is crying. Jason older now the same age as Danny hugs him. Why is the 10-year-old glowing green...

Bonus:

Jason breaks into Titans tower.

"You are coming with me"

"why would i do that"

Jasion puts phone on speaker

"Come with me or the kid gets it!"

Damien in the tiny scared kid voice Jason helped him perfect

"Help me Help me Mr Robin"

Jason carries Tim like a sack of potatoes back to Gotham and throws him on the couch beside a chilling demon.

"were is the kid" He says

Damien giggles "Help me Help me Mr Robin'

"I thought you were a tiny adult what the hell"

"Nah he like 10 and its movie night. I assume you hit your sos botten so dick and Bruce and maybe Barbra should be here soon. Damian is picking out the movie first then you and then me and so forth so on." Jason takes off his helment and Gets a snack plater from the kitchen.

"Big bro do not hand Jay anything during the movie mk cuz the pit takes over if he gets emotional and just look at that" Damian points the corner with at least 12 TVs impaled by increasingly strange objects. "we have extras but the last one was the old care bears and he got to sentimental."

Bonus Bonus:

every bat ever to Damian "NO KILLING UNTILL YOU ARE 18"D

Damian never actual takes up being an assassin again.

#danny phantom #batpham #dp x dc fic #dp x dc prompt #dp x dc fanfic #batkids #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #robin damian

[yanderes-galore]

Hello! I love much your writing!! 💕 Can i please request yandere Thor with prompts 37 + 4

I'm happy you love my writing! I was assuming my prompts so here you go :) Kept it general but I guess this takes place sometime after the first Thor movie or after Thor: The Dark World. Which could range anywhere before or after Endgame, lol.

Yandere! Thor Prompts 37 + 4

"We should get married! It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Clingy behavior, Mutual relationship turns forced, Obsession, Implied paranoia, Slight delusional behavior, Jealousy/Possessive behavior briefly implied, Forced marriage, Trauma implied.

If Thor was new to Earth you could understand his lack of privacy as something like Asgardian culture shock. However... Thor has been acquainted with Earth for years now. You'd think he'd learn to give you, his significant other, privacy.

The Asgardian's affection started as comforting and even cute! When you started getting to know each other he was in a pretty rough place while trying to protect his people and home. You ended up helping him through his break up and grief due to many events in his past.

When he eventually asked to date you, how could you not accept? Dating someone like Thor sounded like a dream. It was like a dream...

For the most part.

Thor is nothing but caring towards you, you can still say that even now. The issue is his inability to be away from you. For someone as intimidating and strong as Thor, it's strange to see him so upset over you leaving his side.

When you're together Thor loves the feeling of you in his arms. You find yourself always encased in his hold one way or another. Laying down, sitting, or standing... Thor has himself draped over you.

Thor peppers you in kisses and praises. He holds you like you're as precious as any jewel, maybe even more. Thor is dedicated and loving... completely devote to his Midgardian love.

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it." Thor murmurs to you when you're alone, saying it like a promise. In his mind you'll always be together, he never wants to lose you.

You find it flattering, it's a cute display he does to show affection. You just thought Asgardians were poetic and affectionate with their love. Even if that is true about their culture...

You wish Thor would stop claiming what he's doing as "dedication" rather than "obsession".

Thor's affection only ever increased. It grew to the point Thor never left your side. People originally thought of it as cute that Thor adored you so much. Now it bordered on strange.

His affection was usually soft and caring. It's just there was too much of it. That and when others were around, you noticed his grip tighten.

Encouraging him to at least stand beside you instead of hold you all the time is met with opposition. There's minor fights but nothing too bad. You try to tolerate his behavior and excuse it with his past. He's lost loved ones... surely he's just a bit shaken still?

You thought you could tolerate it... but when Thor asked for your hand in marriage, holding onto your hand while on his knees, you feel trapped.

"My Dear..." He starts, a grin on his face. "We should get married! It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

"Thor..." You say hesitantly, watching as he kisses the back of your hand. "Don't you think it's too soon?"

"What makes you say that?" Thor asks, concern lacing his voice. You have trouble swallowing.

"It feels too soon for me. I love you, I just feel we should take things slow. It's only been-"

"Almost two years, dear. It's almost been two years. Why must you make me wait even longer for you?" Thor sighs, standing up and pulling you into his chest. "I've pledged my loyalty to you and our love... can you not do the same?"

"I'm just a bit scared-"

"There's nothing to be scared of. I'm here to love and lay my life down for you."

"Why are you forcing me?"

Thor thinks for a moment, pulling away to look at you.

"I'm forcing you?"

"Can't we wait a little longer? To see if things work out?"

"Things will work out. I know they will."

"Then we can wait!"

"I don't WANT to wait, dear! I want you to be mine until the end. Who knows when I will have the ability to ask you again...."

"... then I want to call things off."

That phrase creates a deafening silence. Thor's face is that of shock, trying to discern if you meant what you said. Meanwhile... you just look like a cornered animal.

"... you can't."

"Thor, you may have been royalty in Asgard, but this is Earth. I have the right to refuse marriage. It wouldn't be happy between us if we forced it!"

"I can't lose you, dear. This is why I wanted to marry in the first place. We can't throw away what we have now!"

"Please, Thor... I need a break." You say, turning around.

Only for Thor to grab your waist.

"I promise it will be to your liking. A combination of Asgard and Midgard tradition. I'll give you the prettiest ring. You'll be lovely...."

"Thor. Let me go."

"... and if I say no? What will you do then?"

You realize you can't do anything. Thor is much stronger than you. Him holding you like this is effectively a vice grip.

"Thor... please, I love you. We just need a little break."

"If you love me..." Thor whispers, turning your face so he can kiss the corner of your lips. "Then we'll marry."

"If I say no?" You whimper, Thor looking at your eyes briefly. His gaze is dark, pools of yearning within them getting darker.

"We'll work things out...."

---

The cold metal of the ring felt uncomfortable on your finger. The outfit you wore was overly pretty and much to your spouse's taste. It was a wedding... and you were unhappy.

Thor, your soon-to-be husband on the other hand was ecstatic. Part of you wishes you stood your ground, yet how long could you keep that up? Thor is an Asgardian, he could overpower you in seconds.

The entire time up to the wedding and during it, a sensation of feeling trapped weighed heavily in your gut. When you looked at Thor and his behavior... you felt chills. He truly had more power over you than you would've liked.

You were powerless to stop what he had planned.

"My dearest, you look wonderful...." Thor praises you in your outfit. "I understand if you're still nervous... but I promise it will be the same as before."

That's what you were scared of. He was clingy before, now he's going to be even worse in your eyes. You only sigh and nod in response. Thor gives you a smile.

"There's no need to be scared, I'll always be here for you. I love you, my dearest."

He holds you close, a kiss pressed to your lips. You knew he meant this all as comforting, which normally, would be lovely to you.

Yet you never wanted this and the trapped feeling never went away.

There was a need to be scared and Thor, the one you used to love, was the reason behind it.

#yandere marvel #yandere mcu #yandere thor #yandere mcu thor

[amerricanartwork]

True Love Conquers All (Lilypad Essay cont.)

Ever since I realized the fairytale parallel was one of the main reasons I ship Lilypad, I've wanted to draw this, so here it is! Sig and Moon as Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora!

Actually, though, besides the drawing I'm also making this because I wanted to expand on that point from my Lilypad essay; there's still more I wanna gush about regarding the fairytale parallel!

I was too nervous to say it before, because it's derived largely from my personal tastes. However, I really wanna just write about my opinions on it now. Much of it's actually the feelings I've had about several ships before in various other fandoms, yet I've never really had the courage to express these feelings openly because I have yet to find even one person in any of these fandoms who feels the same way. However, I started thinking about it again, and I think it's about time I get it out somehow, at the very least to express these feelings in some tangible way so they don't stay bottled up forever. And maybe, just maybe, to find someone who likes these themes as much as I do!

Again, it's definitely very personal, so I don't mind if you completely disagree with all of it. But with that being said, if you want to read an additional 1,846 words on Lilypad fantasies, it's just below the cut!

To elaborate on why I love ships with fairytale parallels so much, it has to do with the poetic feeling stories like Sleeping Beauty seem to carry. I must preface that I don’t know the original fairytale, I’m pretty much entirely going off the 1959 animated Disney film, but even so I still love various themes within it and how they can be applied to other stories. Sleeping Beauty isn’t the only old Disney movie where I interpret these themes, or even the only animated story in general where these themes can be interpreted, but I think it’s overall the most similar to Lilypad specifically because of the whole “fair maiden dies and gets revived by the prince’s love” dynamic.

Something I’ve come to realize, especially upon developing a love for Rain World specifically, is that I adore stories about accepting one’s own nature and learning how to have it coexist with your personal goals rather than conflict with it. Sleeping Beauty has this not only through the eternal bond between Aurora and Phillip (I mean, “Once Upon a Dream” literally seems to be about how the singer will always love the person they fell for even if their love seemed too good to be true), but in the whole curse put on Aurora and the “true love conquers all” message. The conflict is all about how to ensure Aurora’s safety despite the impending doom of Maleficent’s curse on her, which is made more intense by how the curse can’t really be stopped, only lessened in severity. However, the inevitability of true love’s triumph over all obstacles, and really the inevitability of nature as a whole, is just so beautiful to me because it’s something so universal. As much as we may try to hide it, we humans are still animals, and still a part of nature as much as any other animal is, so the idea that forces as powerful and omnipresent as natural phenomenon could just as easily be on your side and working to help you reach your goals instead of trying to hurt you and keep you from them is very comforting specifically because of how powerful and inevitable these forces are. I mean, if forces like those can pose a seemingly impossible challenge when they seem to oppose your goals, what if they could also supply seemingly invincible support if you learned to work with them? Hence, why true love conquers all. It’s basically, “I can’t stop this thing, but maybe I don’t actually need to”. And the fact that both this and the next theme I’ll write about are present in stories which are, by this point, quite old, and can even be interpreted in newer and more recent stories just helps to further support their eternal, everlasting power by adding a sense of real-life timelessness to it all that I just find so beautiful!

Part of my love for stories like this actually comes from a specific natural force I freaking love and have been craving more of ever since I rewatched the old Disney movies and really begun to appreciate the poetic themes of them, and that force is the classic attraction between men and women. I’m not gonna get super into it now because I imagine I’ll have other chances to talk about this (again, Lilypad is far from the first ship I’ve derived this theme from, and I doubt it will be the last), but I’ll provide an intro of sorts to it here. If you’ve seen my full Lilypad essay you already know I’m a BIG fan of “inverses attract” ships, where the characters display opposite sides of the same base trait, conflict, or subject, and when they come together they help balance each other out in ways no one else can by offering each other the benefits unique to the other side of that subject. Well, simply put, if you ask me, what better example of this “inverses attract” dynamic exists in real life than the natural inverses of male and female, where the strong protectiveness and creative nurturing combine to literally create a family, from which all people come? The presence of the inverses attract dynamic is always nice to see in ships regardless of gender, but whether or not it occurs in this way specifically — that being whether or not it showcases the inverse characteristics of men and women and the positive potential when those forces combine as a team — is another major factor that, throughout my fandom experience so far, has determined which pairings I actively ship rather than just mildly smile at from time to time. (And on a side note, now that I have much more skill in art and feel more confident about my art, I figured it’s about time I start acting on that love more openly!)

So what in the WORLD does this all have to do with Lilypad?

Well, even disregarding how this very idea will basically be the major theme of my personal worm-off-the-string AU (I may elaborate on that more later because it’s just SO perfect for these particular characters and can even be interpreted in the base game to some degree), I think Lilypad, at least as I choose to imagine it, is the Rain World ship that best embodies this idea — that nature and instincts can actually help you once you simply stop fighting and accept them — more than any other in the fandom for a variety of reasons.

I’m actually going to start with how Looks to the Moon and No Significant Harassment, as strange as this may sound given who and what these characters are, actually do still display that feminine and masculine energy I love at least when I picture them, especially with Sig being confirmed as a “he” according to the wiki. It’s clear to me that Moon is very feminine (I mean, c’mon, her design in the CGs, how the moon is often associated with femininity and feminine things in real life, how she tries, even after her collapse, to connect with Five Pebbles and nurture their relationship in a very caring way, etc.), but I wanna elaborate on how part of the reason I love Sig as a character and the slag reset keys as a plot point so much is because it perfectly demonstrates that masculine protectiveness that happens in stories like Sleeping Beauty, where a man faces great trials all to rescue the fair maiden. Again, it may not have happened literally because Hunter had to deliver the slag keys, but the sentiment is the same if you ask me! And it’s always so nice to see because, again, he literally brought her back to life! How could it NOT be a sign of deep love and devotion that someone would go through so much trouble just to make sure you’re okay? 

It’s also great because I imagine the local group would have a tendency to not always take Sig seriously because he’s so careless about their purpose, so I’m sure the slag key stunt would also warrant a lot more respect for him from the other iterators. This is another thing I love seeing — both when the character everyone else overlooks finally uses their full power and their peers have to re-evaluate their impression of them, but specifically when men feel inspired to use their full power and skills to help the women they love! I love it because it demonstrates just how powerful and valuable femininity can be, shedding light on a more subtle kind of power, that being power through influence and aura rather than raw strength and stubbornness. Heck, I like to imagine wanting to protect Looks to the Moon and make sure she lasts as long as possible is a major reason why, in my AU, their physical interactions are when Sig and Moon finally begin to act on their love despite it having existed almost since Sig came online. Moon’s collapse would’ve shown both of them directly that she won’t be around forever, and if you ask Sig, someone as beautiful, kind, intelligent, noble, and all-around beloved as Looks to the Moon deserves to at least enjoy her life a little more before she fades (again), even if all the iterators falling apart is inevitable. But, coming back to what I said about nature, the inevitability of the eventual end is what makes the time they have left all the more precious!

And that’s the next part of Sleeping Beauty and fairytale-esque stories I see in Lilypad — there’s also the inevitability of this dynamic, which hits hard with Rain World iterators specifically because their whole purpose is fundamentally opposed to natural phenomena. Solving the Great Problem is, as far as I know, all about trying to escape the natural cycle of life, death, and reincarnation, and likely about escaping all natural cycles as a whole. And the iterators exist specifically to facilitate this rejection on a massive scale. So think about how poetic it would be that even they, seemingly so far detached, so far above these things, STILL fall in love and embrace these forces despite every attempt by the Ancients to prevent them from doing so! It’s made better by the fact that the iterators are machines and, even though they’re very much biomechanical ones (a big example of natural phenomena still manifesting in them despite their attempts to separate from it), one can argue they’re therefore somewhat detached from nature inherently, especially that bond between masculinity and femininity I discussed. So again, the fact it still finds a way to show up in them despite seemingly having much less reason to exist and the iterators themselves likely having much less desire to possess it just re-emphasizes how eternal it is. But once again, are they (and by extent, we the audience) sure that’s such a bad thing? 

Lilypad in an ideal scenario, to me, is of all the Rain World ships the strongest embodiment of “true love conquers all, and that’s not a bad thing after all!”

And it makes me more eager to develop my worm-off-the-string AU because I imagine that’s where their relationship really gets to flourish. Moon and Sig can finally enjoy that physical aspect of romance, and Moon in particular would, by that point, more confidently join him in rejecting the Ancients’ ascensionist philosophy. Not to mention how cute it would be to see them drawing parallels between their relationship and the love the Ancients used to feel for one another long ago, once again supporting true love as a truly timeless phenomenon. And it would branch off to not just embracing their romance that existed for so long but could never fully go anywhere, but learning to enjoy and partake in all the aspects of the world that were denied to them and that they were told to deny for who knows how long! And when it comes to not just for Sig and Moon, but the local group as a whole, what could be more poetic than that?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Man, a HUGE thank you to anyone who made it to the bottom of all this! To know that anyone bothered to at least consider what I have to say in this fandom is always nice, but with this in particular I greatly appreciate anyone who read it all! And again, PLEASE let me know if you agree with any of this, especially the parts about masculine-feminine teamwork. I'd love to know even one other person in one of my fandoms who's into that as well, and maybe even hear possible additions to it!

Regardless, I've gone on about this for so many words already. I hope you enjoyed the ideas, or at least the art! Thanks again for reading!

#art #artwork #drawing #digital #digital art #painting #digital painting #fanart #rain world #iterator #rw iterator #looks to the moon #LttM #rw lttm #no significant harassment #NSH #rw nsh #rw lilypad #rw lifeline #quetzalli draws #quetzalli pairs #quetzalli's thoughts

[heartfullofleeches]

Need more of THIS please. I. Am b e g g i n g.

[Orion (Demon lord) and Priest Reader for context]

"Priest...."

A crimson pendant hangs before your eyes; chain puppeteer by pale flesh which coos to you so sweetly from the shadows. Mutted wails flicker along its cracks; a cry etched so deeply into memory you could hear them as clear as day. Forgiveness your most sacred virtue; you held no anger nor joy at the fruits of your comrades blasphemy. A fool who sought for might greater than your all power lord's, only to be crushed beneath its heels.

To add more fuel to the fire they've started, the devil would not leave after taking their soul. Just like mankind, he had succumbed to greed and longed to corrupt at least one more of god's soldiers before he returned. A delectable feast despite its ease. One could only imagine his delight when you all up ignored him on your first meeting. His promises of riches and fame did little for you, but your passiveness of his presence did wonders for him.

Stalking you to learn your life desires lead to poor success, but something about your devotion was...charming. He soon wondered what it would be like the subject of your prayers. The one who's glory was your own. To have his name rolled off your tongue as easily and life bearing as a second breath. In an urge to satisfy these thoughts, he offered not to take your soul, but instead a prayer for a single wish of your choice. How deliciously cruel was the smile you gave him that day.

"Know they're still alive. You can saved this damned soul and lead them back to God's house if you give me us one thing."

"Hmm.." You light another candle with the wax held in hand, preparing for service as always. "I know that it is in your nature, but please do not lie to me, demon. Even if they were still living, they've choose their path and I aim unable to provide them anything but a mention in prayer."

Orion scoffs at your words. "It may be a common tactic, but I have never lied to you, Priest. My precious diamond. Their body lies in the hospital, correct? Wasting away after that awful fire, but still breathing. Just say the word and they're free to go."

"May we continue this at a later date? I have to open the doors soon."

The embers of the candles die with a gush of wind. Peeling from the cover of shadows, Orion stalks over to you and advances until your back hits the alter. It is part of what drew him in, but how he tires of this little game you play. Stop worshiping a dead idol and give your love him already. In the face of a force overpowering you in both stature and strength, you merely smile as if greeting an old friend. He pins you in place by slamming his fists into the table, sweeping its contents onto the floor as you fall back against it. More hands appeared from the crater in his spine, locking around your legs and waist.

"Don't think you can ignore me, Priest." He hisses. "I will have what I want. Your mind, your flesh, your affection - all will belong to me. Your Creator is dead. Gone. I am all that will ever remain of their former glory so you. are. mine."

A laugh breaks through the quiet halls of the church. A haunting melody, which rings to the heavens and through the devil's skull. He is unsure whether to kiss you, or shut you up and drag you back to hell. In a complete change of direction, you reach for his hand. Yours doesn't even fit round his wrist, yet he follows your command as you bring it to your lips.

"If that is the case, why are you the one who comes to me? Obsessing over the attention of someone with not even a fraction of your lifespan or power. It's as clear as day that you need me. Not the other way around. You worship me, even if you are unaware. Before anything can truly be accomplished you must accept one thing."

His hand siffens as your lips connect with it, smile played against his skin.

"I am your God."

#Kinda popped off here imo #yandere oc #yandere #yandere x you #yandere headcanons #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #male yandere #yandere blurb #yandere insert #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #yandere drabble #yandere demon x reader #yandere teratophilia #yandere monster #Orion my oc

[velarisbynight]

How to Soften Teeth

Azriel x Eris

Prompt 3 for the last day of @starfallweek : Character A & B realise they won’t make it to Starfall. They make the most of what they have to celebrate.

a/n: I had hoped for something a little more joyful, but I enjoy the thought of them struggling their way through things together 🩵🩵

warnings: a little angst but it gets resolved, potential spelling errors as it is currently not proofread

Word Count: 4.5k~

~~~~~~~~

Absolutely nothing shifts over the Spymaster’s expression, blank and stony as usual, but disappointment is palpable. Poignant and thick at the back of Eris’ throat, disliking the flavour.

“I was under the impression you would have this matter wrapped up long before we were due to return,” Azriel says, resting comfortably in a darkened corner of the heirling’s chambers. Around him shadows roll idly, giving no hint to the emotions tightly cocooned beneath his roughly wrapped exterior.

“Matters shift,” Eris replies neutrally, a hint of apology in his amber eyes, not to be verbally expressed. “I will remain here for another week. It must be seen to promptly.”

The Spymaster says nothing, the silence judgemental enough—weighing enough—for the heirling to lean forward in his chair, forearms braced on the desk, momentarily putting aside the appeal he was looking over in favour of attending to— to his mate.

The word is just as foreign in conjunction with the male before him as it was months ago, when it first clicked.

“You understand the nature of these things,” he says matter-of-factly, if a touch fainter than his usual razor-sharp drawl. “They are out of my hands.”

“A fine reason indeed,” the Shadowsinger replies neutrally, the truth of his accusation echoing just beneath, following in the silence. A fine excuse indeed. “I wouldn’t expect any less of you—your court is important.” More important than I am, at least.

Eris’s jaw works faintly, a small tell the Shadowsinger has come to familiarise himself with over the last few years, and one the heirling was initially unaware he had. This time though it is not the accusation itself that aches, but the lack of one. Bland understanding is clear in the Spymaster’s hazel eyes, used to skipping his five stages and settling seamlessly into acceptance. There’s little time for grievances in his line of work, and he is a master at nothing if not brutal efficiency—practiced and perfected to a ruthless degree.

The right words sit on Eris’ tongue, but he swallows them down thickly, tasting overly-sweet to an almost insincere level—who would have believed words like those would ever have sprung to his mind, let alone flourished in his mouth. They’re nonsense, is what they are—pretty things designed for manipulation and coercion. It is the right choice to not disgrace the—…his mate…with expecting him to believe them.

Yes, it is the right choice to keep those words of reassurance to himself. They have no place between the heirling and the shadowsinger before him.

Instead he settles on something more fitting. The words he had been temped by now twisted and warped to fit his chosen cadence. “I do not expect you to remain with me, of course,” he starts with, bland and nonchalant. “You are free to return to your home court. I recall you mentioning the wonders of Starfall over there.” It would be a shame for you to miss it, is what he edits out—seemingly too close to touching something so personal. He will not intrude where he is not welcome.

Something flickers on the Shadowsinger’s end of the bond, hardly corporeal enough to be labeled as a bridge, but the swirling fog sweeps in before Eris has a chance to examine it.

“I had no idea I was in need of your permission to return, heirling,” the Spymaster replies neutrally, hazel eyes reflecting the dancing flame of the fireplace, despite the distance between them.

Eris’ lips press together in what appears like displeasure, but the Spymaster has come to learn is nearer resentment. Azriel finds himself torn between the habitual rise of pleasure at seeing even slight discomfort upon his elegantly sharpened features, and the fresher tug of guilt in his gut—tugging faintly as if in chastisement for deliberately misunderstanding.

They seem to come upon disagreements frequently, much more than mates ought to—if they are truly suited to one another, a small voice reminds him. Yet he feels largely responsibly for causing those small turbulences. How is one to embrace another he’s spent so long trying to loathe and detest, almost as much as himself? It is no small feat to draw oneself from the bloodlust of battle, greater still to overcome it entirely.

Perhaps that is the reason for so many disturbances, to fall back on familiarity, settling into a dance they have been waltzing for centuries. It is easier, but that hardly means it is better. He did not become a warrior through softening his hands with laziness, nor through remaining idle where action was required—and yet it is undoubtedly preferable to rage and argue rather than to remove the armour he’s so accustomed to wearing.

Maybe they’re on a path set for failure—Azriel is sure they both understand nothing with change if the same steps are repeated. And yet footprints are being trodden into the unforgiving stone of the mountain they are traversing together, starting at the foot, then falling when one does not help the other, only to both be dragged down from the bond that binds them, set to try and try again, repeating endlessly until they learn to co-operate.

“You do not,” Eris agrees stiffly, yet no flashes of victory appear in the Spymaster’s eyes, not even a wisp of appeasement over the bond they share. Absolute desolation—a rope leading off into the thick mists and rolling fogs that coat a stretching fen. “Is that all you have to say?” The Shadowsinger questions, the air recognisably shifting, concentrating into tension, palpable enough for the tendon stretching down the heirling’s back, across broad shoulders, to grow taut.

“You know,” Eris muses, leaning back in his chair, inclining his chin as he regards the male stood in the corner of his chambers. He knows the shadowsinger’s reasoning, even if it is unclear to the male himself why these disputes occur like clockwork. He can dance a few more steps, if that will allow the tension to fade, for the wariness to abate. “If you would like to speak longer with me, you need only pick a topic,” Eris drawls, noting the deepening in the Spymaster’s brow, how the shadows darken in the hollow above his eyes. “You seem to be unaware of how regularly you fall into combativeness—all for the sake of a longer conversation. What is it you want to say to me?”

There’s a distinctive shadow rising behind his eyes, malice that is too easy to stir, that Eris must learn to assuage and calm before he can ever hope to reach what it’s been made to guard.

“Speak with you?” The Spymaster echoes, tone deadened with cold amusement. “What might I ever wish to speak with you about?” The ice incites fire, roaring to life to keep from being snuffed out. “Any number of things you might desire—assuming you have wants of your own,” Eris replies, blood heating. “You seem to detest my presence almost as much as you revel in it.” A look of disgust crosses the Shadowsinger’s features, summoned so swiftly it appears instinctual for him to despise.

“And you?” Azriel replies lowly, shadows gathering like thunderclouds atop the taloned peaks of his wings. “You are the one who suggested this arrangement; now you are the one hastening my departure. Your temperament is mercurial at best, volatile at worst.” Just like your father’s, are the unspoken words, practically spat across the bond. “I wonder if there’s even a sincere bone in your body, or if they were crushed out of you all those centuries ago.”

“And yet mates are supposed to be equal,” Eris replies sharply, ire blazing at the disturbed wound, hackles raising, canines bared to snap and bite in retaliation. “Everything you detest in me, is already present in yourself.”

Ice comes down heavy over the Shadowsinger’s eyes, expression stony as shadows grow blacker, densifying until it’s a struggle to look at them, as if sucking away the light of the room. Difficult to look upon them in the way it is difficult to peer at white parchment reflecting the midday sun. A blinding type of void. “Is that why you’re pushing me away, then?” Azriel spits lowly. “You would prefer solitude than my kind of company? How adoring of you.”

Eris stiffens as the Shadowsinger pushes off from the wall, looking about ready to leave. They can’t keep leaving arguments between them.

“Then you would stay with me and miss out on your so-very-dear Starfall celebration?” Eris presses pointedly. “It is you who chose to twist my suggestion into something gnarled and ugly when we both know it is the decision you would have come to regardless of my input.”

“I don’t appreciate your assumption to know me so well.”

“You would have stayed?” Eris reiterates, voice low and roughened with tumultuous emotion. Wicked and wrecking.

“I would never have come in the first place,” Azriel spits out, that gut-wrenching split of delight and disgust cleaving through him as he feels the flicker from across the bond, how something recoils sharply, curling back in on itself like a wounded viper.

Then a shield of smoke billows over amber eyes, a fire raging so fiercely ash burns through the sky, smog so dense that lungs scar with agony. “Then I will remind you I have already bade you farewell,” Eris returns sharply, ire blazing from his flame-like tongue. “You are more than welcomed to skulk back to your family, and lie about your whereabouts as you usually do whenever I am involved.”

“At least I have a family to go back to,” Azriel snarls lowly, unable to help the impulse that has been honed for centuries.

It seems that is a step too far even for Eris’ threshold for mistreatment, accustomed to the burn of scorn and the searing ache as fire is put into his body, flame licking across burnt and healed skin over and over.

Even the Spymaster is unable to conceal his flinch as the logs crack in the fireplace, fire flaring at the heirling’s fingertips, licking up his clothes until the flame seems to be living off him, while leaving his finery untouched. He’s across the floor in the blink of an eye, fire-wreathed palms shoving against the Shadowsinger’s shoulders, lip curled back as ire blazes across his features.

Azriel instinctively makes to grip the heirling’s wrists, but shrinks away when the memories rise from within, kept tucked away, embedded in tissue to recoil from the slightest of sparks. Instead he finds himself flattened against the wall, wings tucked in tight in attempts to pull from the living fire before him. Flame he provoked, stupidly. All because he’s unable to change.

“I will reduce you to cinders myself if you dare speak like that again,” Eris seethes, pupils narrowed into slits, skin white with fury. Azriel has never seen the male so riled, always kept pristine and immaculate, absolutely spotless beneath a cover of cultivated malice. Azriel’s breathing hard, vision tilted, grappling for sense, falling back on training to fight back.

“You couldn’t if you wanted to,” the Spymaster hisses lowly, throat closing up as his lungs sting with that unforgettable burn of smoke and charred flesh. “You’re shackled to me whether you want it or not. If I go, you’re going with me.”

“Maybe it would be worth it so I wouldn’t have to put up with you,” Eris snarls back, voice taking on the quality of roaring flame and rasping smoke. “To rid myself of you.”

“No need,” Azriel spits viciously, venom practically dripping from his clipped words. “I’ll leave you to wallow in your bed of knives on your own. Mother knows you fucking deserve it.” Shadows rise from the floor, overpowering the blinding glow of flame with staggering vehemence, wrapping around the male like deadened hands, stealing him away quicker than Eris can think to prevent it.

Flame still burns at his back, but it dims swiftly, magic snuffed out over the span of a few breaths. Leaving him feeling starkly cold. Skin hot to the touch, but cool on the inside.

The room is far too big now, far too empty.

Breaths drag from his lips, feeling the taste of smoke on his tongue, bitter and burnt.

Singeing his lungs.

————

The icy bite of the wind is welcome as Azriel finds himself on an open hill, long grass swishing at his legs as he strides across the terrain beneath the pale moonlight.

He is being unfair, but it is difficult to remember the male—his male—is undeserving of that treatment now. Eris had confessed the truth of what had happened centuries ago, between the boarders of Autumn and Winter: the collaboration; the planned deceit.

Hundred’s of year’s worth of loathing and hatred now having no place but to sink inward, biting at his flesh with sharpened teeth.

It is not as if he still despises the male, though it feels like that at times—when fury rises up and he makes no attempt to change. No attempt to better himself. Change takes time, and an idea as deep-rooted as this one will take forever to undo. To separate Eris from the male he’d thought he was.

Winds breathe across the landscape, swishing his hair about, and the instinct to fly surfaces. It is a wonderful night for flying: the moon is out, the skies are clear, the breezes are harsh but not overpowering. Easy to glide on, so he will have time to think without having to keep an eye out on their currents.

Wings spread wide, and then he’s soaring high to the midnight blue of the heavens, sailing further and further from the ground, as if to free himself of the tumultuous emotion of his choices. Yet they follow him as usual, clinging to his skin, soaking through his flesh, itching at the back of his mind no matter how many times he folds his wings in entirely, free-falling down through open air, pulling up and gliding away, coasting over the grassy hill tops.

He had wanted a fight, he had been looking for a reason to argue. Why must he be as he is?

He’s desired a mating bond since he was young, but the yearning only became more acute as they were delivered to his brothers, able to watch as they flourished, blossoming in full while he is left struggling to make it through the next season. And now he’s been given one, but it wasn’t what he had expected. Males have never before taken his attention, yet this one…

His jaw hardens, struggling to resolve the questions that have been surfaced within him.

The male—his mate—had been the one to volunteer his departure first, and it had bothered him. Why not allow him to make the suggestion of his own accord, rather than pushing it up into the light? Surely there was no reason for it unless he had not been welcome. Maybe he’d been foolish enough to think progress was being made—that the sharp words they had exchanged over the past week had been more amicable than hostile, that it was simply the easiest way of communication between them. More on the side of sparring than real battle. Yet the words than had been exchanged not even an hour ago had not been muffled. Those words were laced with poison and forged from steel, designed for war—not play.

Azriel folds his wings in again, plummeting down from the heights he’d soared, sinking through the air faster than a millstone in a pond, or a ball of iron through the ocean. The ground comes closer, and he gently flares his wings, easing his momentum, slowing until he can smooth out the curve of his fall, eventually returning to gliding low through fields, weaving round the occasional tree before beginning the ascent anew.

He’d wanted to show the beauty of his own court.

It had seemed almost personal in a way, the plan to spend time in the other’s homeland, to accompany them through menial, almost domestic tasks. After seeing more than he had anticipated, a small part of him had been hopefully anticipating returning. Getting to reciprocate the feelings he had experienced when walking through the forest he though came from a jewellery box, to try the unfamiliar cuisine specific to the Autumn Court. Sharing a part of his own identity.

It was personal.

But maybe it simply wasn’t enough of an enticement to pull Eris away from his work. Work the Shadowsinger had carefully managed to set aside, so there would be time—time—to spare.

He had wanted Eris to watch the stars fall.

He had wanted to watch Eris watch the stars fall.

But all of that feels continents away from where they are now, emotions too deep to share this early on. Surely Eris can at least guess at how much Starfall means—to everyone in the night court, but him too. Maybe he’d tried to take things further before Eris was ready.

So many problems; so many confusions.

Why had he been asked to leave?

Surely nothing was as urgent as Eris had made it seen. He had to be deceiving him. He had to be. What other reason could it be, aside from—

A cold winds slams into him from the North, icy and merciless, catching beneath his wings as he’s flipped over in the skies, knocked off course. He tucks them in tight, dipping lower to the ground to pull himself out of the draft, lowering to smoother parts until he’s reached the calmer weather near land.

He settles on the ground, empty rolling hills surrounding him, not a fae light in sight.

Nothing could have been that important, unless Eris hadn’t wanted to intrude on something as precious as Starfall. Allowing Court matters to be prioritised so Azriel would be free to enjoy the night with his family, without having to keep to the shadows, to make sure they weren’t found out.

Azriel’s chest expands as he inhales deeply, pulling the crisp air down into his lungs, feeling its chill nip at his throat, before exhaling heavily. He can’t keep causing problems as he does. Not if he still wants the happiness his brothers have been given. As much as he struggles to admit it, Eris had been the more civil one throughout these past few months. Whether that was because he was accustomed to an attraction towards males, because he had been more aware of the undercurrent between them beforehand, or he simply didn’t hate Azriel as much as the Shadowsinger had hated the heirling…he doesn’t know at the moment.

But it’s clear to see he’s the one who’s been dragging his wings.

He was undeniably the one who caused the vulgar exchange of words, spat with enough venom to render stitching useless. Wounds bleeding afresh.

Can he change? Can he adapt himself?

Is he capable of that?

Is it possible to break the loop he’s caught himself in. To not aim to kill with the commencement of each interaction. It’s been months, but he feels little progress has been made in any way that matters. It’s habitual, and it’s easy. Easier than trying to open himself up, at least.

The heirling’s tongue is sharp at the worst of times, poignant and cutting without knowing the Spymaster’s intimacies, his habits, and worries. He’s unsure if he could survive, should he chose to bring his heart out from his ribs.

One of his incisors pierces at the skin of his lower lip, almost deep enough to draw blood, but self-inflicted injury will not absolve him—he knows it will never work, that it will never be enough. Unless something changes. Unless he changes.

The words that had passed between them had stung, deeper and more acutely than he had anticipated. And they will continue to sting for a while longer.

He must try while he still can. Before the already ghostly bridge between them vanishes entirely.

————

Eris is caught off guard when he finds the Shadowsinger in his chambers—sat on his bed, no less.

Amber eyes narrow warily, not in the mood for more blood to be spilled. He didn’t enjoy their fights like he thinks Azriel might have. Might still, somewhere inside of him.

“If you’ve returned to cause more wreckage, I suggest you leave promptly,” Eris says from the doorway to his washing chambers. “I will not participate.”

The Shadowsinger stands, and Eris straightens a little at the action. “I…” he begins, tongue wetting his lips. Hesitating. Wariness deepens in the heirling’s chest, caution raising as he regards the Spymaster, who seems to be struggling with an inner conflict. “The night is clear,” he says at last, causing Eris to raise an unimpressed brow. “There’s no cloud cover,” the Shadowsinger supplies, as if he’s making sense.

“If I wished to know the weather forecast I could have simply shifted my gaze to the skies,” Eris drawls, forcing a laziness into his tone he does not feel. Azriel swallows, but does not appear to be put off, rather his hands shift at his back, eventually sitting in their usual placement at his sides. “Spit it out,” Eris drawls, marking the wariness in the Shadowsinger’s body. “If you don’t hurry, you won’t be able to make it back to your beloved Starfall.”

Something unkind flickers through the male’s hazel eyes, before it is quelled, coming to a simmer instead of a rolling boil, then calming further to simple heat. His jaw works, gaze flitting through the room without his attention shifting. Eyes lock again, and Eris feels the urge to lean for the sincerity he had earlier scorned. “We can watch from here,” Azriel says at last, tone neutral, though Eris has to wonder if that’s simply how it’s natural for him to speak, rather than actually being so guarded. “The night is clear. We will be able to still see a few.” He’d glanced at the balcony before—leading out into the darkness where the stars would be visible.

Eris raises a brow, not quite kind enough to allow the Spymaster to escape unscathed. “Is that what you came back for?” Eris muses with surprising ice. “Staying here to keep from lying to your family about where you sometimes sneak off to? I suppose it’s easier to commit shameful acts in the dark. You would know.”

“You have no interest in it?” The Shadowsinger asks, a touch quieter than before.

“Watching a few stars fall from the sky?” Eris mocks, arms folding across his chest as he leans into the doorframe, appearing at ease and unruffled though he is intent of pushing the Shadowsinger further—gauging the depth of his sincerity. “I would rather sleep. Besides, you’re supposed to spend Starfall with loved ones—family, if I remember correctly,” Eris drawls with a rueful curve to his sharpened mouth, ever so slightly self-deprecating. “It would seem like an offence then, for me to intrude.”

Azriel’s jaw works, something almost like regret fleeting behind the thick mists that the bond leads into.

“You can spend Starfall with whoever you like,” he counters quietly. “Or would you rather I leave, so you can be rid of me?”

Eris’ lips thin, pressing together in a pursed line, hearing the point. Again, he’s unsure if the Shadowsinger is aware of how much he’s revealing of himself by the simple lack of accusation.

“I suppose it would be too punishing to refuse you now,” Eris drawls, voice hard as he allows his sharp amber eyes to slice through the male before him. “After you’ve so generously made the long journey back. We’ll see what measly stars we can spot.” He pushes off from the frame, heading for the glass door that lead to the balcony, making to brush past the male, but a scar-roughened hand settles around his wrist, pausing his motion. The touch is light—hesitant. As if cautious of the flame that might spring up. When none does however, his touch presses closer.

“You’re cruel for saying the things you did,” Azriel murmurs, noting how rigid the male’s body goes, how his pulse spikes with what he can only assume is something close to rage, by the look in his eye. “But,” Azriel continues, pushing forward swiftly, not allowing himself time to doubt, to fall back on those habits that will only hasten his self-destruction. “If my words…if they cut like yours did… Then I am sorry.”

Amber eyes blink at him, a small sign of surprise, and Azriel releases his grip, quietly stepping back, waiting for whatever punishment is dolled out in consequence. But Eris only nods, a sharp dip of his head before also stepping away.

A few beats of silence pass between them, before Eris breaks it, turning swiftly for the balcony.

The moonlight is bathing the stone ground in silver, and Azriel joins the heirling’s side, looking quietly to the sky, in search of a falling star.

“You crossed a line with my family,” Eris speaks into the night, not facing the Shadowsinger. Although the words are damning—a sure proclamation that he’s already gone too far, that he’s inevitably ruined the one thing he has spent countless nights considering—he can’t help feeling there might be something to salvage, if he is being told his own wrongs. That there might be a chance to put things right, or at least begin to amend them. “You had no right to make a comment like that, to throw what you have in my face.” His heart sinks a little, but he does not retreat from the balcony.

“Still,” Eris murmurs, voice without tremor, “I hope you will remember that my flames did not burn you, though they may have appeared to want to.”

Azriel does indeed remember, though he had not realised it in the moment—that they had meant no harm to him. Simply a pure expression of rage on Eris’ side, yet not so overpowering that it would be harnessed to inflict more scars.

Unable to voice the emotion in his chest, Azriel nods, glancing at the heirling from the corner of his eye.

Amber eyes instinctively shift, sensing the gaze effortlessly. “You’ll miss them,” Eris reminds blandly, unaware of the conflict warring inside the Spymaster. “I’ve seen them many times before,” Azriel responds, hoping Eris will be able to figure out the rest.

“I’ll be unable to concentrate with you staring at me like that,” the heirling replies, glancing over the Shadowsinger. “At least try to be subtle about your thoughts. I don’t want to hear your internal debate over how you think you feel about me.”

Azriel’s upper lip curls slightly, before he’s forcefully pushing against the rising urge to spit something back. “I know how I feel about you,” the Shadowsinger replies neutrally, turning to look at the skies.

“Intriguing,” Eris muses, “I had no idea you were such a confident liar.” The Spymaster’s brow narrows, but there’s no anger he has to quell, no resentment tucked between them.

“You’re insufferable,” he mutters, shadows pooling on the floor, having not noticed the way they’d been slowly weaving outward, hiding their feet from view.

“Because I’m everything you despise?” Eris asks lightly, seemingly uncaring for the darkness that is carefully winding its way higher, flicking at the fine fabric covering his long legs.

“And more,” Azriel murmurs, quiet enough a breeze could have stolen the words, uttered without a note of inflection.

#azriel x eris #azris #azriel x eris angst #starfallweek2024 #azris angst #azris fanfiction

[sadistic-kiss]

Wild dream Slap Ass Recap Part 2:

(You will not believe the dream I just experienced this time. THIS is the type of dream I want not the horror dream I had with sukuna ✋😭.)

*Slaps hands together*

I’m but a poor peasant demon child with horns and a tail, trying to help the sick in my neighborhood. I don’t know what happened to my parents but I was being raised by a wise old lady. Demon and angels are of different class. Angels being prestige and just all powerful. Demons used to run rampant in the world killing humans but then the angels saved the people, but ever since then, demons have been treated like shit. We wear collars that cut off our powers and are used as servants. If we try to take the collar off it will sense it and explode our heads 😭.

So here I am going to my job getting paid but a penny. (YES AS A CHILD) My Angel boss is a real arse. He’s super mean to the demons because he can be. It’s acceptable.

Returning home there is this huge ruckus, I see an angel holding a child by his hair swinging him around as he’s yelling and the mother is pleading. I know this child he’s my best friend, so I’m like hey stop that he was just trying to help his sick mother! But old granny grabs me and tells me to be quiet.

“HE STOLE FROM ME!” The angel is yelling. “A precious heirloom!”

While the mother is crying and apologizing, “I will work over time!”

The angel is demanding double for the price of what was stolen and if the mother cannot come up with the money then he will take the child as payment. The heirloom was already returned but of course bully angels. The mother would need to work a whole year to repay that amount of money. And the angel is demanding it by the weekend. So she accepts knowing that she hasn’t a shot but at least she gets to spend time with her son or come up with something.

I go up to her and tell her that I can try to help as much as I can, maybe we could put some money together as a community. But the mother only smiles at me and thanks me. Then returns home with her child, telling him everything will be fine.

At night I hear whispering outside my window and secret chatter. Sticking my head out im like what’s happening? And I see the mother and child wearing cloaks and another individual I of course know. Clearly they are trying to sneak away. When the child sees me he’s like come with u best friend I like you and don’t want to be apart. And I’m like sorry I’m scared. And he told me it’s okay to be scared, mom will protect you.

I still don’t go because I also have wise old grandma. So instead I tell him good luck.

Fast forward…Well let’s just say they ended up not making it. And to make a show to the other demons they killed the mother and boy and nice man in front of us. I was cryinggggg. To which started my villain arc and old grandma was like I got you I was in the war, I learned how to turn off the collars.

Long training arc/years later I am a teenager ready to wreck havoc. I’m apart of a secret group of demons who are tired of this shit grandpa.

We have a plan mapped out. Me and a few others are to infiltrate the main city for the angels as a servants. A human is going to merge with the powerful angel Tengen who gives them a barrier of protection. (Or something like that). They are of course called the star child ✨. See what my brain did there lol. But we have to kill them before they merge. Yes toji is a demon too he’s the main leader of the operation. his wife was killed by an Angel so there’s his hate :).

Anyways this will happen within a few years but we are preparing now. At all cost we must kill whoever the star angel is.

I got put with the snobby angel Gojo and of course Getou was always there 😭. These hoes were ruthless. Gojo looked down on demons with his beautiful stupid blue eyes. At some point he said something that had me snap on him and I punched him in his face 😂 I thought he was going to have me killed but he didn’t (because the Hoe secretly in love with me lol).

So that was a fun time because the sexual tension was at an all time high for whatever reason. And we may have dabbled in some smut but you know I just want to say that was just the part of my brain that just went brr for my daddies BUT the hatred was still there I swear 😭.

*Time skip*

So the day is upon us, the star child is to be merged with Tengen and would you look at that the idiots that I served got put to protect the girl. There’s like this whole plan from the angels to make it seem like there are multiple star children. But something in me tells me that it’s this girl. (It must have been the obvious connection in my brain lol I cheated)

I’m supposed to stay home but Toji finds me and says it’s go time. Toji catches Gojo and getou off guard the same as in the anime and I’m hiding, waiting for my opportunity. So while toji is fighting gojo I sneak and follow getou and Riko.

*Cries*

So I’m the one that kills Riko while they were talking 😂✋ and getou is losing his mind and I’m like “I HOPE YOU FEEL THAT PAIN BECAUSE THATS HOW I FEEL WATCHING MY FRIEND DIE!”

Boom we start fighting and then Toji comes in and is like it’s time to go girl you did good. And he’s about to kill getou but i tell him I’ll do it but I don’t because that’s still my baby I guess XD.

So we leave and that’s what starts the demon and angel war AGAIN.

*Time skip*

It’s complete anarchy. The purge times ten.

Long story short I start to realize we are starting to become the very thing we hated. getou and gojo went on a full fucking rampage trying to find me and kidnapped me only for some there’s a whole lotta hate sex going on like what 😭✋.

Some enemies to lovers business.

I’m going to be so honest I don’t know how we reached peace because toji and the other demons were trying to kill me for being a traitor 😂, but it may have been the fact that I was preggos with a angel demon baby that came out with horns and wings and everyone was like the first demon angel to be born but then that led to more demon angel children appearing like nay! We’ve been in hiding for too long! We want peace and harmony! And it turns out Megumi was one of them and Toji’s wife was an Angel and she actually died shortly after child birth. Like the plot twist was real. And toji was like I didn’t know I had a son. :0?????

*Daddy son hug*

✨Yay happy ending 😌✨

*WHAT ABOUT THE MURDAAAA? WHAT MURDAAAA???! I SAID HAPPY ENDING*

The smut was quite good too. Hmmm yummy threesome with getou and gojo when they were pissed at me… 🌚🌝 kisses brain* thanks for this lovey movie, it may not have been nanami and me on a cruise but I’ll take it.

Also because I’m a hoe I did sleep with Toji and Sukuna too. But if I make this into a story I may or may not put that in it, I dunno. But Sukuna was a demon who onlry wanted to kill angels for fun so you can see how he got problematic …so we had to lock him up inside a human (YUUJIIII~)

Okay back to sleep I go just wanted to type this out before I forget it ✨🖤✨

#fanfiction #fanfic #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #suguru geto #geto suguru #toji fushiguro

[loserharrington]

i’d like to preface this by saying i am not an expert on religion (or non-religion) this is simply information i’ve learned over the years of research and talking to those who do practice satanism. if i’ve got anything wrong feel free to correct me

with that being said, i’ve always had this idea that The Munson Doctrine followed the rules of the church of satan. be it the 9 satanic statements or the eleven satanic rules

eddie has a laveyan cross patch on his vest so he must practice satanism to some extent. Especially since it’s a pretty large patch in an obvious place.

it’s sort of complicated because it’s not really a religion but it’s still a practice. (one of personal freedom and rationalism.) it’s basically things he lives by to better himself and the way he interacts with others. the “rules” don’t need the approval of any deity because satanism rejects the idea of all gods. (it goes hand in hand with atheism) it simply encourages individuality, skepticism and living your life the way you want to no matter how “sinful” it may seem to others.

i think it’s safe to say eddie resonates with this. he’s seen blatantly rejecting and criticizing societal norms and questioning why he and his friends are seen as freaks and targeted because of their interests

now here’s where i start inferring things about how he practices

i’m sure he’s added to these rules (hence the name Munson Doctrine instead of a direct reference to the rules of the church of satan) but i think it still loosely follows those rules. eddie just seems like the sort of person who’d take something like this and make it his own, which is essentially what satanism is. (again, it’s not a religion so it doesn’t require specific rituals to be done)

or, he misunderstood or interpreted some of the rules given to him differently than others might’ve, which lead to the quote that started this whole rabbit hole i’ve fallen down.

Quote: “I just couldn’t accept the fact that Steve Harrington was actually a good dude. … No way man, NO WAY, that like, flies in the face of the laws of the universe, and my own personal Munson Doctrine.”

i’m leaning toward the idea that he added his own rules and beliefs to the list because satanism encourages freedom and self expression, so he can essentially do whatever he’d like with his practice as long as he’s not infringing on the rights of others. (again, this would explain the name Munson Doctrine)

he might have added things (such as bullies/bystanders never changing. i.e: steve harrington now being a good dude when, in eddie’s eyes, he wasn’t before) because of his own experiences with people like that. [read here for more on that]

regardless of what he might’ve added or why, i do think that the Munson Doctrine is something he actively lives by. (ignoring the fact it could have just been a joke he threw in there to express his shock on how much his perception of steve had changed)

now here’s the fun part. my head canon i built off of this head canon.

i like to think that eddie didn’t come up with the munson doctrine on his own. his mother might’ve been a big influence in why he practices laveyan satanism.

now here’s why i think that:

1. it’s obvious eddie has some sort of ill feelings about his father, going as far as to say he told himself he didn’t want to “wind up like he did”.

this could just be him referencing the fact his father has been incarcerated for various crimes or it could be him referring to his character as a whole including his religion

this ties into fact that we see Wayne (who we assume is Eddie’s father’s brother due to their last names) is actively religious — at least enough to have religious decor around the trailer so it’s safe to say the munson brothers grew up religious

2. we know absolutely nothing about eddie’s mother which means i can make it all up !

eddie referring to his personal beliefs as his “Munson Doctrine” could imply that he’s not the only munson who follows these rules. he does say it’s his “personal” doctrine so i will choose to believe that is in reference to the new things he’s added as he’s grown up and experienced more things in his life

but before then, his mother could have instilled rules into him that he still follows to this day. rules such as these:

i just love the idea that eddie still has some connection to his mother and this is just one of the ways he honors her, but the idea of eddie finding comfort in satanism later in his life due to feeling alienated by the people of Hawkins because he’s different is just as good

in conclusion:

i choose to believe the munson doctrine wasn’t just a silly throw away line, and it ties into the religion he seems to practice

#stranger things #eddie munson #character analysis #eddie munson character analysis #steve harrington #steddie #stranger things 4 #the munsons #the munson doctrine #steve/eddie #steve x eddie #☕️