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scorpionatori · 2 years

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Natori Shuuichi Character Analysis

Natori Shuuichi is one of the main supporting characters in Natsume Yuujinchou and probably the character who’s been the most polarizing in the fandom . As tends to happen with more polarizing characters, there’s been a lot of misconceptions and simplifications of his character. He’s the supporting character we have the most background info on and, like all the characters, is very complicated and fleshed out. His character arc and his dynamic with Natsume have gone through a lot of developments, from his cautionary tale type introduction to becoming one of Natsume’s most trusted friends. This essay will discuss his background and go into detail on many aspects of his character, as well as his dynamic with the protagonist.

General Background

“Since I was little, I’ve been able to see things other people can’t. My grandfather and father became furious when I told them, and my mother looked sad. Our family apparently used to be exorcists, but the ability to ‘see’ died out. The family business folded. Ever since then, they’ve been afraid that one day the youkai will come for revenge. Then I was born, a new link to the youkai world. They started to think that I was the cause of the misfortunes that beset the family. Like my mother getting ill and dying and my grandfather becoming an invalid…”

Unlike Natsume, whose relatives didn’t know about the existence of youkai, Natori was born to a family of former exorcists. But instead of being grateful there was finally a new person in the family who could see, his family pinned the blame on him any time something bad happened to them, including the death of his own mother. He was seen as the source of tragedy in his family, and even told Hiiragi as a young child that if that were true, someone should have gotten rid of him before anything bad had happened. Because of what his relatives said, he believed as a young child that he was better off dead than alive.

In addition to this, a mysterious lizard-shaped youkai appeared on his skin one day when he was a child. This is what led him to begin studying all the exorcism resources in his family’s storehouse, but even into his early twenties has never found out what it is, other than realizing it never travels to his left leg. It’s revealed in special chapter 15/s5e8 that he feared it was some kind of curse and that it could hurt other people if they touched it.

Even aside from being hated for his youkai-seeing abilities, he was deemed worthless by his father who said he couldn’t do anything except scare the family to get attention. When he started prioritizing studying over eating, his father said if he had to skip dinner in order to get results, he was never good enough for anything in the first place.

It’s revealed late in the manga that his relatives stopped having children after he was born because they were scared of having another child who was like him. He desperately wanted a partner in his family to walk side by side with, but he saw through the disguise of his “younger cousin” and never got to have this. His aunt and uncle, his only relatives who didn’t resent him, abandoned their estate and left for good.

Overall, his upbringing mainly involved being seen as a misfortune to others and too insufficient to amount to anything. By his teens, he had become avoidant of others, irritable and sensitive, very hard on himself, and developed an unstable sense of personal identity, with nothing in his life to tether himself to the world.

Joining the Exorcist Community

“I heard the rumors among youkai and exorcists. People still judged us harshly as a family, and this creepy, roving mark wasn’t helping. But at least when I was among people who could see them, I didn’t have to lie”.

Joining the exorcist community brought a mix of both positive and negative things into Natori’s life.

On the positive end, it provided him with a source of stability he hadn’t had before, something he could anchor himself to. He found a purpose for himself, and a way to use his abilities to help others when before they had only been seen as something that brought harm. He could finally be around people who saw the same things he did.

On the negative end, he entered a community full of power hungry people who just wanted to use their abilities to gain power and status. The community held mindsets that youkai, and even humans, were tools to be acquired and used. Additionally, he quickly discovered that he was from a clan that was looked down upon and ridiculed by the rest of the community, and because of this, he isn’t treated well in the community.

At the beginning of his backstory chapter, we see he was very disconnected from others and the world around him. He was even disconnected from himself. His family avoided him at home and he avoided his peers at school. The thing he busied himself with most was spending time alone in the family storehouse, studying the exorcist resources left behind by his clan before they left the business.

The exorcist community was the first source of stability and community he had in his life. It was a place where he could be away from his relatives who loathed him and where he could be surrounded by people with his sight. However, he immediately discovered upon going to his first exorcist meeting that even among people who could see, he was hated and scoffed at simply because of his family name. At home he was hated by his family because of his abilities, and at exorcist meetings he was hated by people who shared his abilities because of his family. They gossiped about him the same way his classmates gossiped about him at school. Despite this, he still felt content that he finally had found a purpose in his life, something to reach for and goals to achieve.

There were several main reasons driving him to pursue a career as an exorcist.

“If I keep going, I might find out how to get rid of this thing. Without it, I won’t have to feel so irritated. I might be able to be a nicer person. Even to my family…”

Finding a way to get rid of the lizard mark was a driving motivation that goes back all the way to his childhood. It’s what sparked his curiosity and determination to learn about youkai years before he even became an exorcist.

The lizard is an unknown entity that lives and crawls around on his body -> this causes him to be constantly anxious because he doesn’t know what it is or if it’s hurting him and/or others and probably feels violated by it as well -> because he’s scared and anxious and uncomfortable all the time he’s always irritated -> because he’s always irritated he finds it difficult to be nice to people -> because he finds it difficult to be nice he avoids others and in general feels like he’s a bad person who hurts others.

Therefore, when he goes back to the beginning of that sequence, he thinks the solution is to remove the lizard mark in order to become kind. His anxiety around the lizard mark is tied into his opinion of himself as someone who isn’t kind, and learning to become an exorcist becomes the apparent pathway to eventually be rid of his dilemma.

“But maybe if I was able to exorcise this youkai, Mr. Takuma will accept me as one of them? Will I be able to prove myself to the other exorcists?”

Another is his longing for acceptance and belonging. He needs to be loved and needed by others, as this is something he never received in his childhood. He unfortunately doesn’t receive a lot of this upon entering the exorcist community. Even so, this doesn’t discourage him. He accepts that he needs to be patient and bide his time. If he can become strong enough, then he can become useful. He can “become somebody that somebody needs”. If he can defeat the youkai attacking exorcists, maybe Takuma will accept him as one. He thinks in order to be accepted by others, he needs to be of use to them, he needs to prove himself to others. He’s never been accepted just as he is, so he needs to make himself as strong and productive as possible so he can provide something for others, because he doesn’t think he’s worth anything by himself.

“Dad… You’re worried about revenge because you used to be an exorcist. But what if… you helped people?”

The other big thing that drove him to become an exorcist is his general desire to help and protect others. Considering he grew up being told his presence was dangerous to others, it makes sense that he feels responsibility for keeping people safe. His abilities were always seen as a curse, but what if he could turn his abilities into a blessing?

Sadly, the exorcism community doesn’t always contain the noble intentions and selfless desire to protect others and the accepting and understanding community that Natori had probably hoped for. It’s full of competition and sabotage between people who want to become famous and powerful and exorcise youkai at random just to test their powers and will even curse their colleagues out of envy. This clashed with Natori’s ideals and goals, as he was more concerned with getting stronger in order to help people and become useful than he was with acquiring power and status for his own gain and reputation. He wanted to find a way to become kind, but entered a community full of unkind and petty people who try to undermine others. He wanted to be amongst people he wouldn’t have to lie to, but he ended up having to become an even better liar. Despite the positives it brought to his life it was also detrimental to enter a society like that at a time he was most vulnerable and unsure of himself and his identity.

Meeting Matoba and Takuma

“I’m not as good as the others, but I can see youkai better through glass. You know, It may be conceit, but I like to do what I can to protect people”. -Takuma

“You can’t protect anything if you’re not powerful, Shuuichi” -Matoba

Matoba and Takuma were the first two exorcists Natori met personally, and they appeared as two very different potential roles in his life, and represented different sets of ideals.

Takuma appears to Natori as a potential mentor or father figure. He is warm and kind to him and tells him he’s a nice kid, as opposed to how he’s been treated and seen by adults up until now. Takuma isn’t as strong as other exorcists, but he wants to do all he can to protect people and rid them of the fear and uncertainty they feel from youkai. This is what Natori also wants to achieve as an exorcist. He immediately latches onto Takuma’s kindness and desire to help people.

However, even if Takuma is kind and cares for him, he keeps him at a distance and it doesn’t seem he ever became a true reliable mentor to him. This comes from a reasonable desire for Natori to stay out of trouble. He continuously tells him he needs to not come to exorcist meetings or take jobs, as it isn’t something for children to be involved in. While this may be true, Natori wasn’t going to back out of the exorcist community no matter how many times Takuma told him to. What he needed wasn’t for someone to tell him to stay away from danger when he wasn’t going to do hat, he needed someone to look after him and guide him and teach him and to provide support in general.

Additionally, Natori didn’t have anything else. His family was abusive and neglectful and he was uncomfortable and alone during school. He needed a community where he felt he could be himself and where he could have some kind of connection and be productive. Natori also doesn’t interpret Takuma’s pushing away as simply attempts to convince him to stay out of danger, but as a rejection because he isn’t strong enough. Throughout his first backstory, he thinks he needs to make himself stronger and more powerful. If he can do that, he’ll prove to Takuma that he belongs in the community, that he’s worthy of being an exorcist.

Matoba is the first (and possibly only) peer close to his age Natori met who could see youkai. This would hopefully be a good thing, but the first thing he tells Natori is that he’s looking for allies he can “use”. This is the opposite of what Natori wants. He wants to be useful to others, but not used. Matoba is his first introduction to the kind of mindsets the exorcist community holds. The Matoba clan has maintained power since they started the community. When other weaker clans had fallen, they simply resigned to being absorbed into the head clan for protection. Natori’s clan is the one that refused to join and ended up leaving. Matoba wants to team up, but Natori immediately reads him as condescending and judgmental.

From what we’ve learned about him and his clan, Matoba was raised to become the head of a powerful clan since he was young. It’s clearly seen in the way he talks and acts that he was taught his clan is at the top and the other clans are weak and foolish and stubborn. He’s been taught that you should use anyone and anything at your disposal who is useful. This worries Natori, who grew up being labeled as lazy and worthless. He has a very low view of himself and is desperate to prove that he is useful. But he doesn’t want to be useful as someone’s ally, he wants to be useful as an individual.

This reflects the history of his clan’s history. The Natori clan wouldn’t work with the others and refused help to the very end, eventually giving up and leaving. We don’t know all of the details, but it’s likely this was out of pride as a very powerful clan. Like his ancestors, Natori also is resistant to Matoba’s help. However, this isn’t out of pride or thinking he’s too good for help, it’s because he thinks very poorly of himself and believes if he has to team up with someone stronger than him, than he isn’t good enough. He helps Matoba defeat the youkai they were hunting, but denies credit, giving it all to Matoba. Despite making a decent effort for his lack of experience, he thinks he failed completely. He wasn’t good enough to defeat it by himself, which means he failed.

While it’s understandable that Natori felt uncomfortable around Matoba and avoided him, it isn’t fair to say Matoba was completely responsible for them not getting along, or that his only intentions were to make use of him and use him as an ally, or that he looked down on Natori. Matoba likes Natori, and he wants Natori to like him. He has a curious and enthusiastic nature, and takes genuine interest in others.

Even if Natori is weaker than him, Matoba has respect for him and tries to provide helpful tips and compliments. He tells him things that could be helpful and compliments him when he succeeds at something (or at least makes an honest effort to). But unfortunately, despite his compliments being genuine, Matoba easily comes off as judgmental and superior and Natori is very sensitive to this. When someone your age or younger is obviously more experienced and stronger and talented than you are, when they try to be of help or compliment things that are much easier to them than they are to you, they are obviously reminding you of your weakness and inferiority and that you are to far behind to ever catch up. This is how Natori thinks, and it makes him very uncomfortable around Matoba. If he accepts his help, he accepts he isn’t strong enough to figure things out for himself. He can’t become his own person and follow his desired path if he gets stuck under someone with a clear and paved path.

More on Natori and Matoba’s Dilemma

Matoba and Natori’s situations are reversed in many ways.

Matoba is from the head exorcist clan which has held power since the community started, and has been raised to be its leader. He would’ve grown up hearing his powers were a good thing. By his teens, he’s already grown into the role expected of him perfectly: he’s intelligent, cunning, ambitious, confidently seeks allies, has top-class spiritual abilities, and already knows the in’s and out’s of the industry. Natori is from a fallen exorcist clan. He grew up being loathed and ostracized and mistreated by his family members because of his abilities. He is intelligent, ambitious, and powerful despite his family’s expectations and views of him. Matoba has massive expectations and burdens from his family that he’s had to grow up with. Natori has no expectations on him or burdens to carry. Matoba has a narrow role assigned to him by others that he has to fit into, Natori has had to assign a role onto himself.

Because Matoba has been given a clear and set path to follow with an entire clan backing him and guiding him, he is strong and unwavering, he knows who he is supposed to be and knows how to exist as that person. But because of this, his freedom is limited and he has very little space or opportunity to explore any options outside of what’s been given. He wasn’t given the choice on who he wants to be because it was already chosen for him.

Because Natori was essentially discarded and cut off from his family at a young age (at least emotionally), he has never had a clear path ahead of him to follow and has had no one to back him up. He is shaky and uncertain about everything. He knows what kind of person he wants to be, but is unable to clearly see the kind of person he already is. However, the lack of expectations on him means he has the freedom to explore his options and think on what path he wants to create for himself, since there was never one given to him.

They have natural gaps between each other that aren’t terribly big, but can never be crossed. Natori and Matoba are both powerful, but Natori will never see the beautiful chrysanthemums on the kimono. The two are close in age, but Natori will always be a year older than Matoba.

Despite their differences, they have more in common than Natori would like to accept. They are both very lonely, and they both crave closeness even if they deny it or put on fake ulterior motives.

Natori is lonely because he was isolated as something scary and unwanted, and his family kept him at a distance out of disgust and hatred. Matoba is lonely because he was isolated as a powerful asset for his clan, and may have been seen and raised as the future clan leader more than as just a normal human child.

In-between

We don’t know a lot about Natori between our two glimpses of him as a teenager and when we first meet him as an adult in the series. What we do know is that he had achieved his goal of becoming a powerful exorcist, acquired two youkai servants (we still don’t know the story behind Sasago), and somewhere along the line became a charming up-and-coming movie star. His personality had also developed both for better and worse, you could argue. On one hand he had become a charming and more friendly person to be around, as opposed to his withdrawn and irritable teenage self. On the other hand, he had grown a lot more cold and cynical, and seemed to pick up a lot of behaviors and mindsets from the exorcist community (belief that youkai are either dangerous or they exist to be used as tools, manipulative behaviors, it’s better to take care of youkai before they pose a risk to humans, etc).

Natori’s strengths: He is a charming and friendly person who’s kind and polite to his fans and coworkers. Even if he could be acting this way for appearances, he’s still learned to put aside his natural irritability and distrust of people in order to treat people he encounters politely (as opposed to the irritable and brusque way he interacted with his peers before). He is quick to recognize his mistakes and apologize for them, able to admit when he’s in the wrong (such as apologizing for the way he involved Natsume in his exorcism business). He is very concerned for others and it is his goal to help and protect others. He is determined and persevering and wants to search for his path in life.

Natori’s flaws: He has picked up deceptive and manipulative traits in order to thrive in his work community (such as omitting information or doing things in secret, acting charming to get what he wants or asking harsh questions to try and get Natsume to change his views). He is overprotective, and tends to use deceptive behavior in order to go about trying to keep people (Natsume in particular) safe. He is cold and cynical early on, often speaking harshly to Natsume when it comes to their disagreements about youkai (calling him naive and hypocritical, telling him he shouldn’t be soft to them, saying he needs to choose between youkai and humans).

Meeting Natsume

“I’m sorry, Natsume. I didn’t want to get you involved like this. You remind me of how I used to be. I just wanted to talk. I thought there were things I could tell you.”

After spending years being influenced and exposed to the exorcist community, Natori’s life was altered again after meeting our protagonist, Natsume. Exorcists exist at one end of a spectrum of youkai-seers: sympathizing with youkai is foolish and dangerous, youkai should be used as tools, you can’t protect people if you’re too soft; and Natsume is at the other end: being very sympathetic towards youkai, believing youkai are complex and have feelings and should be respected, you shouldn’t hurt them.

Natori had many expectations in place when he first met Natsume: he was a young child who needed to be protected, he knew the same suffering and therefore must have responded accordingly (aka the same way Natori did), he’s very powerful and would prove to be a powerful assistant and exorcist, he needed someone older who could see the same things as him as a guide and mentor. What he got instead was a very headstrong kid who had become very sympathetic towards youkai, even to the point of being very against hurting them even in the case of urgent self defense. Natsume showed zero interest in helping with exorcism and continuously resisted Natori’s efforts to persuade him otherwise.

Natori backed off on recruiting him for exorcism after seeing his reckless behavior, but still saw him as someone who needed to be guided and protected, and he still remained concerned at Natsume’s sympathy for youkai.

Natsume and Youkai

“Don’t be naive. You have to have zero tolerance when they attack humans. [...] You see them, don’t you? Surely you of all people understand, after the suffering they’ve put you through. [...] You need to stay detached… or you’ll regret it someday.”

“It’s too late to be sorry after there’s an incident. You’re being a hypocrite. What if they lived near your beloved Fujiwaras? Would you still say it’s no big deal? [...] It’s about time you decided which is more important to you – humans or youkai.”

Natori has been in a community that only sees youkai as tools to be used, or dangerous creatures to get rid of. It’s a shock to him when Natsume yells at him for attacking a youkai in self defense, and later on when he jumps into a dangerous spell circle to protect one.

Natsume shows as strong sympathy for youkai as he does for humans, something that Natori has never seen before. Youkai cause suffering to humans, especially humans who can see. Natsume has suffered because of youkai like Natori has, but yet he still cares for them as if they’re people. Natori early in the series sees Natsume as naive and foolish for this. He’ll regret getting emotionally attached to them, he’ll regret it if he doesn’t hurt a youkai who is dangerous.

Natori has absorbed what the community taught him, what Matoba taught him. He needs to help Natsume realize how dangerous his mindset is. He chides Natsume for his softness, and he speaks very harshly and coldly to him during the situation with Kai. He ends up telling him he must make a choice between humans and youkai. If he really cares about humans, he should stop caring about youkai. But Natsume refuses to choose. He cares about both equally. Natori realizes he was too harsh and apologizes.

He keeps his concern and caution, but he gradually begins to accept Natsume’s nature and his insistence at being connected to both worlds.

Natsume and the Exorcist Community

“I’m sorry, Natsume… I brought you here so you’d see you weren’t alone. But maybe someone with your power shouldn’t make yourself known to others.”

“Now I’m sorry that I got you involved in this business in the first place… back then, I think I wanted to enlist you as an ally. Someone who could help me. That wasn’t fair to you. But now, I’m just happy to help you.”

It’s strange to me that the fandom often hated Natori for trying to involve Natsume in exorcism. It was very early on that he strongly regretted this, and he has spent most of the series trying to keep Natsume away from exorcists. The only two times he directly got Natsume involved in exorcism was when they first met (being very pushy about involving him even though Natsume was disinterested) and when he took him to the assembly (which Natsume actually did want to go to and help with). I don’t count the hot springs trip as he hadn’t expected it to turn into a big situation or intended to directly have Natsume help him. Every other time he’s either asked Natsume to leave (with Natsume choosing to stay or being unable to leave for some reason) or he’s let him tag along because he knew it would be safer than Natsume getting involved by himself.

Keeping Natsume away from the exorcist business has been one of Natori’s primary motivations for most of the series. He knows it was wrong to involve him in such a dangerous world, and that Natsume should be able to grow up and try to live a normal life. This is what he wants for him.

Natori especially grows concerned once Natsume gets involved with the Matoba clan, and he tries to interfere with them getting involved. The first time happened during the Kai arc. He specifically took the job from the Matoba clan to keep them away from where Natsume lives. He’s even unusually cold and harsh towards Natsume to try and dissuade him from being even remotely involved in the situation.

But then Natsume does get directly involved with Matoba very soon after this. It is especially the incident with Matoba’s letter that causes Natori to involve himself secretly. He finds out Natsume received a letter from Matoba, and decides to monitor the situation from a distance, using a paper doll to interfere when needed. He ultimately destroys the letter without Natsume’s knowledge. This is where we first see Natori’s desperate attempts to interfere in hopes of keeping Natsume safe. This then leads to the situation with the Book of Friends next time he shows up.

The Book of Friends

“Urihime. Natsume is carrying something that’s important to him. Find out what it is. Ginro made it sound like it’s something dangerous… that exorcists shouldn’t know about. Natsume is too nice and reckless. I wonder if it’s something he shouldn’t even have.”

“Such a dangerous thing… should be thrown into a fire.”

The situation with the Book of Friends is the other thing Natori has received a lot of hate for from the fandom. It was interpreted simply as a betrayal of trust and an action he took because he thought Natsume was too naive and innocent to be in possession of such an object. But was anyone considering the situation from Natori’s point of view?

Natori is an adult. Natsume is a child. Natsume is in possession of a dangerous forbidden object that attracts the attention of youkai, some of whom are hostile, and would attract the attention of most exorcists if they were to know about it. Natori is part of the community that both forbid the object, but which also contains many people who’d probably want it for themselves. Natori is understandably very protective of Natsume, and finding out about the Book of Friends was very troubling. It explains why he’s so involved with youkai, and it is a situation that puts him in danger quite often.

Natori knew Natsume was hiding something after overhearing Ginro talk about the Book. And then later he saw how Natsume reacted to the matter of forbidden contracts. This gave him a pretty good idea as to what Natsume was secretly carrying. Natori knew he had to do something, even if it meant trying to find out about it behind Natsume’s back. In Natori’s mind and experience, it’s better to be deceptive and secretive than to wait until someone gets hurt.

Natori frankly is the only human who can protect Natsume from both youkai and the exorcist community. He also should take some responsibility for his safety, as he is an adult figure and also was the one who first dragged Natsume into the world of exorcism.

It was arguably “wrong” to search for information on Natsume’s secret, but it also would be bad to just completely ignore his younger friend being in danger. It makes sense he felt it was very important to try and learn more about it.

Natori and Natsume

“Will you help me with my other job? Hmm… You’re speechless. I’m sorry. This must seem pretty sudden. I was just feeling happy. Do you get it now? You’re not alone. You and I are alike.”

“Natsume. Thank you. It made me happy that you trusted me. For real. I want to be your friend. I want to help you. With all my heart. So… I want you to keep this safe. I don’t think I could trust myself as much as you trusted me.”

Natori and Natsume’s relationship started off rough, but it’s probably gone through the most changes and growth out of all of the relationships in this series. In the beginning, Natori is harsh and cynical. He sees Natsume as being too naive and soft, and believes he needs to adopt Natori’s own ideas: that youkai are mostly bad and dangerous, and it’s best to take care of the particularly dangerous ones before they hurt people. He thinks if Natsume keeps his soft idealism, he’ll be in bad situations and have to regret it one day.

But Natori continuously watches how kind and wonderful Natsume is, and he grows to deeply admire him for this. He still worries a lot about his safety and is skeptical of his relationship to youkai, but he’s nevertheless supportive, and would do anything to help him out. He quickly regrets how he got Natsume involved in a dangerous world, and is fiercely protective of him. Natsume grows very fond of Natori, and considers him a dear friend.

In the beginning, Natori sees Natsume as someone who needs to be guided and changed and molded to fit his own ideas, but he gradually comes to see Natsume as a strong and kind person, and wants to be his equal and his friend. He also admires Natsume’s perseverance in staying connected to other people, something Natori gave up on. Natsume almost gave this all up after seeing Tanuma was hurt, and Natori is the one who told him he needs to hang on to these connections.

Despite how shaky their relationship started off, Natori has become a very kind and supportive friend who cares for Natsume deeply and is willing to help him no matter what. He has grown to respect him even though he didn’t understand him at first, and even admires him for his differences. Their friendship has become solid and reliable, and they have both started learning to be able to lean on each other for support.

Growth Between Natori and Matoba

“You’re quite right. But I like it my way. The Matoba clan has their ways… and I’m looking for my own way… the ideal I want to strive for. That’s my goal, even if I’m fighting in the dark.”

“I won’t pretend to know what it’s like… to bear the burden of the legacy you’ve had to shoulder. But I think… that these days, a person doesn’t have to bear it alone.”

Natori has shown a lot of growth in his recent interactions with Matoba.

Back when they fought a youkai together as teenagers, Natori thought he had failed. His spell barely worked, and Matoba was the one who killed the thing. When Matoba congratulated him for his help, Natori denied being of any use, saying Matoba was the one who took care of it. He couldn’t take care of things himself like he wanted, so he took that as a complete failure and denied any credit.

After getting locked in a room together as adults, Matoba once again thanks Natori for his help. Natori doesn’t deny it this time, and instead thanks Matoba for his help as well. He proceeds to tell him he thinks nowadays people don’t have to bear their burdens alone. This shows a lot of growth, compared to when he thought he failed for not being able to take care of a dangerous youkai by himself. Now he happily cooperates with people, both offering and accepting help.

His interactions with Matoba as of late have also shown how patient he’s become. In the past, he responded to Matoba with frustration and irritability at anything that rubbed him the wrong way, even shoving him once. But then when Matoba chides him for having weak servants when they’re locked in the room, instead of getting angry, Natori calmly tells him he’s happy with how things are, and he’s still working on searching for the path he wants to follow.

He’s still lost and unsure of things, but he’s accepted that he’s still working on himself, instead of wallowing in self-pity and feeling like a failure.

In the past, the two of them seemed to dance around each other, avoiding help and brushing off concern. Natori wanted to be far apart from him, while Matoba wanted a partner. Natori wanted to be of help, while Matoba brushed off the concern with a smile. In recent chapters, they have been working together efficiently, accepting and offering help.

Natori is getting better at no longer stubbornly refusing help from others, and can accept that it’s better if people work on things together.

Identity Issues

“I suppose there’s nothing riding on my shoulders. I wonder if… that’s why the world seems so unstable.”

Natori has an unstable sense of self. He’s unable to see himself clearly, struggling to see his virtues and strengths, being unsure of his personal values, and is very disconnected from both himself and others.

He could also be interpreted as having alexithymia (inability to recognize or understand emotions in oneself, and also ties in to struggling to understand the emotions of others). He doesn't understand why he feels the way he does, and his emotions seem to have more of a physical reaction (saying he "feels sick") than being actually processed well. He seems to have a hard time understanding others' points of view and emotional responses as well.

Despite the identity disturbance, he does acquire strong goals. To become a powerful exorcist who doesn’t waver, and to be a kinder person who doesn’t hurt others. This is why discovering the exorcist community was such a pivotal moment in his life. He went from being driftless and detached to finding a strong purpose in life.

Natori faces a dilemma: he’s stubborn and doesn’t want to be shaped by someone else, but he also has a weak identity, leading him to be easily influenced by others. He wants to follow his own path, but still succumbs to some of the toxicity of the exorcist community. He describes his world as wavering.

He doesn’t have any burdens like Matoba has. He has nothing tethering him to the world, and therefore he doesn’t know who he is, or who he’s supposed to be. He feels lost and disconnected. This is perhaps why the exorcist community is so enticing. It finally gives him a purpose in life, a goal to strive for. He now knows what he wants to be. But he still remains lost after this, and still struggles to figure out his path in life.

However, in later chapters he seems to accept that he’s still searching for the path he wants to follow, and he’s determined to keep looking for it even if he makes mistakes along the way. He still struggles with his personal identity and his purpose in life, but he’s grown from his unsteadiness and fear he used to feel.

Deceptive Nature

“I’ve gotten too used to tricking people. You were having so much fun. I should have explained it to you. I’m sorry, Natsume. I’m really sorry.”

While he’s quick to admit he struggles with it, deceptive behavior is probably Natori’s most prominent and persistent flaw that still hasn’t completely gone away. He has a tendency to omit details, find out information in secret, or simply lie about things. This is also one of Natsume’s flaws, although they have some similar and different reasons for lying.

Natsume’s reasons are generally for keeping his abilities and youkai a secret from others, which requires lying frequently. This is naturally something Natori also has to do. He and Natori both will come up with lies or stories in order to gather information. Natori will often find out information about people in secret, such as when he tried finding out about the Book of Friends behind Natsume’s back. He isn’t explicitly lying to Natsume, but he is being deceptive by intentionally gathering information about something important to Natsume without his knowledge.

Something that Natori does that Natsume doesn’t is lying to get his own way. This mainly happened when he lied to Natsume about the situation with the hot springs, telling him he won the tickets in a contest and omitted the fact that he was actually going for an exorcism job. He also uses charm and wit to try and hide his true intentions at times.

Natori, like Natsume, has had to learn to lie in order to survive in a society that won’t believe what he’s gone through. However, even though he found a community that sees what he can, he has to become a worse liar to survive there as well. It’s ironic, as Natori believed it would be a community where he wouldn’t have to lie. But sadly the exorcist community is full of back-stabbing and trickery, and Natori’s had to pick up these skills himself.

Fortunately, he is well aware he’s struggled with these things and is working on unlearning them. He has been becoming a more sincere person for Natsume, and they’re both getting better at not hiding important things from each other anymore.

Relationship to People

“I’m not looking down on anyone. It’s just that… when your perceptions are different, conversations don’t mesh. And it makes me feel uncomfortable.”

Natori is asocial, and strongly avoids being close to other people. He doesn't seem to mind being around other people, but personal interactions are kept at a minimum. It seems he avoids actually mingling with any of his coworkers from either job, despite being friendly and charming to them. He lives alone and lacks close friends, only having professional or casual relationships.

Natsume becomes the one exception. But the reason this happened is that Natsume is easy and safe. He’s young (young being something adults equate with being impressionable), he has similar trauma as Natori, he can see youkai, and he isn’t part of the exorcist community. Additionally, Natori didn’t originally approach Natsume as a friend (despite wanting this), but as a potential mentor to him. Natori presented himself as someone who could teach Natsume a lot about youkai, and how to protect himself and others. So Natori at first sees him as someone he can shape and guide.

There are natural boundaries between Natsume and Natori that keep them at a safe distance. They are almost a decade apart in age, they live in different towns, Natsume is a student, Natori is an adult with two jobs. Natsume is someone he can be familiar with and fond of, while still maintaining a safe distance. Being friends with people his own age would have higher risk of them trying to form a closer, more emotionally intimate connection with less excuses to escape. Natsume is someone further in age he lives away from and only has a chance to see on occasion. He doesn’t risk having constant inescapable contact. Ironically, it’s because of all these boundaries that Natsume is easier to approach and form a bond with.

Matoba is a different story. He’s a similar age, has an almost opposite background, wants to be the one to shape and guide Natori, and lives nearby and is part of the same community. He is also more skilled and experienced. This is troublesome for Natori. He doesn’t want to be close to him, and actively chooses to be apart from him. He doesn’t want to be shaped by someone else, the way he wanted to shape Natsume when they first met. The idea of being close to someone his own age who’s both so different and yet also similar is a terrifying prospect to him, so he stays away from Matoba.

Natori faces a dilemma where he can't be close to people without sight, because he's too uncomfortable being with others who can't see the same world as him, but he also can't be with others like him due to his family being resented by his community. This again is why Natsume is the one safe person he feels kinship with. Someone who can see his world clearly, but who isn't a part of the community that looks down on him.

Natori is scared of being hurt and affected by others, but also scared of hurting others. So he waits until he finds the "perfect" person he thinks he can find a true kindred spirit in. But they still struggle to get along and Natori ends up being hurtful multiple times. This thankfully doesn't deter him, and instead he finally challenges himself to maintain and form a friendship despite the difficulties and despite making damaging mistakes. He remains determined and doesn't give up, and he always tries to make amends.

Famous Actor

Natori’s acting career ties into both his issues with his identity and his asociality. When you act, you get to wear someone else’s face. People see the character, not you. This works perfectly for Natori, and gives him the means of connecting with people without having to risk any intimacy or actual closeness. He receives the love and attention and praise he missed out on as a child, but doesn’t have to lose anything by giving himself in return. He gets to be different faces on screen and be pretty and popular and beloved, but he can avoid having to get close to anyone.

Again, Natori doesn’t mind being around people, it’s the actual closeness and conversations that make him uncomfortable. He’s happy to walk and talk with passing fans and receive congratulations from his movie coworkers, but he stays away from anything beyond that. He also is averse to being vulnerable. Acting is considered a vulnerable job, but the thing is, it's a safe vulnerability. The audience is watching the character, not you, even if you’re pouring yourself into the character.

Acting also provides a sort of temporary identity. You get to put a mask on and play out an imaginary scripted person. You can lean on your own experiences while being a completely different person. It's a safe and guarded way to explore human nature and personal identity. Perfect for someone who struggles to see themselves clearly.

Problems with the Fandom

“He’s always dragging Natsume into his exorcism business!”: I already went over this a lot. He got him involved a couple times and realized very early on this was wrong and apologized. He has spent most of the series trying to keep him from getting involved.

“He’s an asshole!”: He was mean several times and apologized each time. He’s a kindhearted and gentle and supportive person.

“He’s a liar!”: So is Natsume.

“He wants to change Natsume and tries to push his views onto him!”: He did at first, but realized it was wrong and has come to deeply admire Natsume and respect his differences.

Conclusion

Natori is a very fleshed out and well-written character in Natsume Yuujinchou. He has a lot of flaws, but that just means he’s had even more positive growth as a character. He goes from being harsh and cynical to being a very kind and supportive friend to Natsume. His similarities and differences to Natsume make him an intriguing character in the series and his relationship with Natsume to me is one of the most interesting parts in the story. He’s sadly received a lot of hate and backlash from the fandom, mostly due to misinterpretations of his character. Thankfully it’s gotten a lot better, but I think it’s important in the fandom space to discuss these things in detail instead of misreading everything and jumping to conclusions.

#natsume yuujinchou #natsume's book of friends #natsuyuu #natori shuuichi #natsume takashi

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dimdiamond · 9 months

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Hi friend🫶🏻you know not that I have anything personally against calculus or smth but did you know he's the only character beside tintin as the protagonist and milou to have the lead and dedicated whole 5 freaking stories to him officially?like it's officially among the facts of this show that he was this important in the series even more than haddock as the new characters in tintin's world lol,even the whole moon trip has been dedicated to him,I was sick of seeing him in the spotlight at some point lmao😭I mean obviously tintin is the n1 lead character and he already experienced many things even befor calculus or haddock and is the first focus but between h&c ,professor was the one to get more personal stories😂the stories dedicated to haddock were just that whole unicorn and treasure thing about his grandfather or just bickering with castafiore or sometimes whiskey ,I must say he had much more potential than calculus ,he could've at least once got kidnapped or smth,idk they kinda just used haddock to help others or being just the comedic part of the series,nothing really serious happened about him except those two times and the crew accepted it and they just told in the memories of herge interview that calculus was the more interesting character to herge to explore more,I mean haddock was one of the mains but he hadn't any personal or whole stories just belonged to him but calculus had lol it was just a repeated plot at some point

Hello friend 👋

Professor Calculus is one of the kind. If you think about it he is the wild card, isn't he? In one album he says he is friends from the university with a renown archaeologist and the next he says he knows kick boxing. In one album he makes submarines and the other a rocket for the moon. In a way Calculus is the character that he can be anything and do anything that the plot or joke demands. That is the way Herge used him at least.

Captain Haddock is definitely a character with much potential for many things to do with him, like more arcs focused on him and his past or adventures to show more of his talents and skills. Herge for his own reasons didn't use him that way. It could be because of his complex relationship with the character he felt more related to and closest to, as many of his traits and things from his life were put on Haddock. It could also be for the same reason Tintin wasn't used in that way. Haddock had soon become the big name next to Tintin's and it would be risky to show more of his past as he had become a symbol and a recognisable character that (older) fans could relate to. It was easier for Herge, as it seems, to use Haddock like Tintin in the stories, a character that things happen to him and he deals with them.

Professor Calculus though allowed Herge to use him as the one who brought the events to happen, the fortunes and misfortunes on the main duo, who made the two to act. I don't see him as the focus of the stories but more as just like you said, the one who made the story happened, the character who gave the main duo the chance to shine (without losing his own light). As I see it, Tintin and Haddock served another purpose in the stories than Calculus, their roles are different and the reason they were in the story are shown from their first appearance- Haddock immediately was in the same role as Tintin, trying to get away from the bad guys and stop them together, while Calculus was the Deus ex machina with his submarine and his money to buy the estate, the one who basically helped the duo and the plot to move forward.

Thermozero, as far as we know, would have Haddock being kidnapped and Tintin going to save him. But it just never happened and Herge couldn't complete it by his own. Could it be for the reasons I stated above? Could it be for an entirely different reason? Who knows besides him?

#thank you!#calculus rules #we need the script for thermozero NOW #tintin #captain haddock #archibald haddock #professor calculus #the adventures of tintin

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niuniente · 2 years

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Have you ever had a character tell you something that leaves you like o_o

Surprised? Yes. Many times. Shocked? Not really, at least not yet. Here are few examples, I can't find the post where I spoke about these things long ago.

In FUZZY, the protagonist Fuzzy tells Irene that "Don't let them find me". I was like ????? WHO? WHAT??? WHO'S AFTER YOU??? It took really, really long until it turned out that two other Lempo monsters, Chaos and Misery, where after Fuzzy. I didn't know that! But Fuzzy did.

Also in FUZZY, when the comic starts Fuzzy writes his name down to Irene in Lempo language. Irene keeps it as a memento. Loid, the antagonist of the story, sees the name and goes "Ah, so that's your name - The One Who Brings Misfortune". I was so surprised! Like, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SWEET FUZZY BRINGS MISFORTUNE, THAT'S A HORRIBLE NAME???!! Loid didn't answer but I got the answer later in the comic - and sure enough, it was exactly what Loid had told me.

Fuzzy also got a random two items from a magical wending machine. one was a stone, which was powerful but I didn't know what it is. Other one was a small chestnut which made even less sense! Even Loid, who usually always have answers I need, didn't know at first what the acorn was and didn't know at all what the stone was. Its purpose was revealed to me by another character.

Loid started his journey in my other comic ARE, as an antagonist to the protagonist Elena. Elena is a protagonist against her will, and she's got a bodyguard A or R looking after her. When Elena got lost, Loid was the one who brought her back to her realm. When A or R asked why Loid saved her, he just said "She reminds me of someone." I spent probably a year or more trying to figure out to who Loid was referring to. A friend, a family member, a lover, a partner, a neighbor, a teacher??? Then, one morning at 5am Loid started to tell the story. Turned out that Elena reminded Loid of himself, as he had been a fated protagonist until bad things happened and he had ran away to become an antagonist because of the pain he caused.

Loid also once randomly showed me eyes that appeared on his chest and on his jacket. It took probably two years until I found out that he got a gift - a protective amulet - which he then accidentally corrupted and now it manifests in a weird way when he casts the spell.

When Alrick introduced himself to me out of the blue, I noticed that I didn't hear him speaking nor saw him opening his mouth. As Fuzzy is already a mute character, I wondered what was Alrick's reason not to speak. He casually mentioned that his tongue had been cut off. I sat there and thought "....No. No way. That's way too dark. There has to be another reason, I don't like this one." But, what Alrick said, that was the truth.

Joon introduced me both Miranda and Viv. I would have never chosen myself names Miranda or Viv to any character of mine! Not that those are bad names, they just aren't my kind of names.

Nyrkes from Demon Sanctuary was supposed to just pop in for a comic or two to show readers demonxhuman relationship with his human girlfriend Eva. Nyrkes then revealed that he's going to stay in Father Furmann's house (who saved him) and that he's got a horrible crush on him. Not my plan but the baby has his own feelings!

These came to my mind but there's a lot these kind of things happening when I interact with the characters. I should probably sometimes open some thought-intuition process that actually somehow makes sense :D

#ask niu #loid #fuzzy #alrick #nyrkes #furmann

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draculasodyssey · 2 years

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Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte - Source: trust me bro

Emily Bronte's 'Wuthering Heights' has been critically acclaimed as a work of genius since its publication in 1847, and, of course, any work of genius is accompanied by those who despise whatever it stands for or how it goes about it.

For Wuthering Heights those criticisms often come in the form of hatred towards the two protagonists (if you are inclined to call them that), Heathcliff and Catherine.

BUT, instead of criticising Heathcliff and Catherine, I would rather focus on Ellen 'Nelly' Dean and Mr. Lockwood (the two narrators) and how their construction as the source of the story that is Wuthering Heights leads to questions relating to their reliability (and thus the nature of Heathcliff and Catherine).

Mr. Lockwood Ah, Mr. Lockwood, the gracious newcomer to the world of Wuthering Heights... and perhaps the most gullible person to exist within the narrative world.

Now, unfortunately, WE ARE Mr. Lockwood.

We, as readers, are thrust into the world of the characters and into their stories just as Mr. Lockwood is, and, like him, we trust what is given to us first.

And who else but Nelly Dean could present herself as the sole gossip of the harrowing tales of Wuthering Heights?

Ellen 'Nelly' Dean

If Mr. Lockwood is the most gullible, Nelly is the biggest gossip. We (the readers and Mr. Lockwood) get the vast majority of the story through her, the rest of the story comes from Mr. Lockwood, who got the story from... her.

“I’ll continue it in her own words, only a little condensed. She is, on the whole, a very fair narrator and I don’t think I could improve her style” (Ch 15, p. 113)

I'm sorry Mr. Lockwood... did you just say that you will tell the entirety of the story in HER words?? Surely nothing can go wrong with that...

Oh! And she is a fair narrator?? Oh well that's a relief...

“I seated myself in a chair, and rocked, to and fro, passing harsh judgement on my many derelictions of duty; from which, it struck me then, all the misfortunes of all my employers sprang. It was not the case, in reality, I am aware; but it was, in my imagination, that dismal night, and I thought Heathcliff himself less guilty than I.” (Ch 27, p. 201)

Oh no. And this is who Mr. Lockwood is getting his information from? Surely he knows better than to believe that.

“I know, by instinct, his reserve springs from an aversion to showy displays of feeling - to manifestations of mutual kindliness. He’ll love and hate equally under cover, and esteem it a species of impertinence to be loved or hated again. No, I’m running on too fast: I bestow my own attributes over-liberally on him” (Ch 1, p. 3)

Now I understand! They are both UNRELIABLE NARRATORS!

Why are these quotations key to the text?

The above quotations are key to the text for the simple reason that they tell the readers not to entirely trust what is written in front of them. Heathcliff and Catherine have been criticised for centuries as characters consumed by passion (whether it be love or hatred or both) but not many have questioned the validity of the story. Is Nelly really the image of morality that many have claimed her to be? Or is she the "traitor" and "witch" (1847, ch 12) that Catherine believed her to be? How can Nelly be a "fair narrator" if so much of her story results from her "imagination"? And therefore how can Mr. Lockwood be believed if he is just relaying Nelly's story? And if his first description of Heathcliff is actually a description of himself, who is the real Heathcliff?

Nelly and Mr. Lockwood are both unreliable, they cannot be trusted by us readers.

Mr. Lockwood is untrustworthy as he was not present throughout the majority of the narrative, he is obtaining the story second-hand (and through a rather biased source). He has never met Catherine and he does not know Heathcliff, he just assumes that he has some sort of authority to tell the story (or at least us readers assume he has the authority to always be right).

Nelly is perhaps the most unreliable as, whilst she was a witness to much of the story, she has emphasised time and time again that she is biased against Catherine and Heathcliff, so who knows what they (especially Catherine) would have really been like.

Gideon Shunami determines that "Nelly and Lockwood, in turn, each destroy the credibility of the other narrator's point of view" (1973, p. 461) as through Mr. Lockwood's trust in Nelly, he "ironically intensifies [her] unreliability as narrator" (1973, p. 460).

Shunami does believe, though, that whilst Nelly especially is unreliable as a narrator, she does not have ill intentions towards others, she just is unaware of the consequences of her actions. James Hafley, on the other hand, believes that Nelly is "the villain of the piece" (1958, p. 199) and that she plots to gain control the estates and rise above her standing. Nonetheless, it is evident that regardless of her motivations, she cannot be trusted as a narrator.

Bronte, Emily. "Wuthering Heights." Wordsworth Classics, 1992.

Hafley, James. “The Villain in Wuthering Heights.” Nineteenth-Century Fiction, vol. 13, no. 3, 1958, pp. 199–215. JSTOR, https://doi.org/10.2307/3044379. Accessed 28 Jul. 2022.

Shunami, Gideon. “The Unreliable Narrator in Wuthering Heights.” Nineteenth-Century Fiction, vol. 27, no. 4, 1973, pp. 449–68. JSTOR, https://doi.org/10.2307/2933519. Accessed 28 Jul. 2022.

#wuthering heights #emily bronte #classic literature #gothic literature #gothic romance #literary memes

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posarmeklen · 2 years

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Listen up, these characters would definitely be found in a classic “supporting my pregnancy-test-taking friend from drugstore trip to fateful bathroom visit, all the way up to sympathetically reading their result for them” scene. As much as I’m a fan of the trope, it never naturally fit into any other character stories, so when it just seemed right for this show I saw that as my window, seized the bull by the horns, etc. (*INSERT OTHER OPPORTUNITY CLICHES*).

Anyway, Jen was the one to do the honors when Jude voiced his concerns/suspicions to her following an overheard perfectly-timed pregnancy-based conversation between some unsuspecting Big Squeeze patrons that he unfortunately (for him) applied to his own life. That he would confide in Jen specifically was more out of convenience than anything - despite the main crew being spread out, the two of them remained in close quarters. (Jen had been crushed to be rejected from her dream university program, and while she was sorting out her next steps decided to still rack up some credits at the local community college, where our protagonist happened to be studying. Er, knowing him, “studying”.) At the same time, we know Jen ate this right up: not only did diving headfirst into someone else’s predicament distract her from her own academic plight, but it was a prime opportunity for her to flex her control-junkie, advice-doling muscles. (Jen conducting herself down the Walmart aisle in a business-like manner: “Okay, so for premium accuracy you’re gonna want something cheap enough not to break the bank, but priced sensibly enough to know it’s still well-made… oh, and, readability is super-important! …Here, why don’t we try this ‘Initial Reply’ - it’s got one of those digital screens that say ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’. There’s no way you could mess that up.”) So, yes, she had gleefully rolled up her sleeves and got down to business (she readily explained to her friend, when he asked in awe, that she “knew all this stuff” because she had just been witness to her mom’s pregnancy with Emma Jr. in the not-so-distant past…), and even had the misfortune of having to correct Jude’s preconceived notion that the proper use of a pregnancy test was the same as a thermometer for pets or babies. “Ugh, you’re such a DUDE!” Jen cried in frustration, wondering if she’d have to draw the guy a diagram. When she demystified pregnancy-test-handling for him, and Jen stepped out to allow for privacy, and the recommended number of minutes had passed (they knew for sure, seeing as Jen had broken out a stopwatch), the problem became more about Jude delaying the outcome. Jen consoled him and encouraged him to go forth and take a look, that at least he’ll know, and that it’s just like ripping off a bandaid, but all he could offer up as an alternative was a convoluted set of steps that were just prolonging the inevitable and acted as padding for the moment that mattered. Finally, Jen marched over and picked up the damn thing herself, partially to relieve her friend from all the stalling and partially to satisfy her own mounting curiosity (truth be told - she just couldn’t take it), which is how she found herself in the dubiously esteemed position of breaking the big news.

Yeah, with Jen technically the First To Know, now our apparently knocked up skating hero needs to set his sights on the rest of the gang (in a couple separate special occasions, believe you me) and his sadly-never-shown-on-screen folks. Congratulations are, I’m afraid, in order……

#my art #these two play off each other so well such as in the driving episode #also it’s february in canada that’s why them there kids are bundled up

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subwalls · 3 years

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Tales from the SMP Presents: The Haunted Mansion

An ongoing exploration of how the Inbetween drives my Kingdom Hearts brain crazy with paranoia! Less of an analysis this time, because we got confirmation (VALIDATION!!), and more of speculation, but yeah!

First of all! I was right not to trust this fucker.

Just kidding, that’s not the first thing we’re gonna talk about here. First of all, a gentle recap!

As I’ve mentioned before, the Inbetween has some uncanny resemblance to the Kingdom Hearts world known as Castle Oblivion. Castle Oblivion is known for being the place where the main series protagonist lost all of his memories, and even had false memories implanted while he was getting deeper and deeper into it.

You might be curious as to how the Kingdom Hearts protagonist escapes.

He doesn’t.

He needs outside help, and a lot of it, to get him out of that situation. Even then, it takes a whole year. He drove his own heart into the bottom of the abyss in his desperation to save someone he was tricked into thinking he knew, and he didn’t even regret it, because he was saving someone.

... A lot of people on Dream SMP have different ideas on what it means to save people.

Also, the castle also had a very plot-twisty secret where it used to be the lush and wonderful home of these three friends before they fell apart; one was lost to the Evil Dark Side™ (not real name), the other was trapped in the Realm of Darkness (real name), and the last one fell into a coma for TEN (10) YEARS and his body was left to be protected in the heart of the land, which was then locked and turned into Castle Oblivion.

So, pretty fucked up place! Not inherently evil, but the place of great misfortune and just... not very good for everyone there.

Let’s start at the beginning!

Welcome back indeed. Take notice of the wither rose in the pot, by the way, I’ll come back to this in a bit.

The first thing that stands out to me on this page is the smiley face, of course. It’s not the ever-iconic, ever-evil “:)”, but it’s similar enough that I think the callback is intentional. The smiley is c!Dream’s icon, of course, which... honestly makes me think that “:]” might be DreamXD, but that might be because I’m very very biased for the server god who simps for a dangerously apathetic cottagecore once-king.

Of course, it does also look kind of like Quackity’s face, and cc!Quackity has said something about big lore coming for him, but until further evidence is presented I’m disinclined to draw a connection there.

The Inbetween, as we’ve come to know the author of some of these books to be, being happy that Karl is continuing—it reminds me of the KH protagonist being told yes, good job, keep going, as he stumbles deeper and deeper into the castle that strips away memory after memory from his heart. Why does the Inbetween think that Karl’s time travel is important, his careful documentation of every story? Is it because the more he does it, the more he becomes attached? The more he becomes reliant on the Inbetween to feed the missing pieces of his memory?

Is it because the Inbetween, in parallel to c!Dream and c!Wilbur, prioritize the concept of story over the characters?

Things to think about. 🤔

Also kind of interesting that the Inbetween thinks Karl will eventually uncover “all [he] needs to”, which continues to make me think that the more c!Karl comes to the Inbetween the more he becomes... either dependent or over-trusting of it. Not sure. But weird things happen when it’s magic that tampers with memories, rather than trauma.

Basically, I’m getting “there is no war in Ba Sing Se” vibes.

The book continues to say that Karl probably has a lot of questions and that it would love to answer :] but never actually does. It’s trying to come off as helpful without actually being helpful. All it does is tempt him with the prospect of answers, and then draws him in deeper. “Continue onward, Karl.” But why?

Another wither rose pot.

Sidestepping the very innocuous, very surface-level information offered here (because that’s it, it’s nothing about the workings about the Inbetween, it’s just a little sweet carrot to distract with), I cannot even begin to convey the absolute terror that consumed me at the word “sleepy.”

I mentioned earlier that one of the original characters who lived in the land that would become Castle Oblivion went into a coma, right? But it’s more commonly referred to as sleeping. The game is even called “Birth by Sleep”, and there’s a whole thing about trying to get him to “wake up”. So the idea that time travel can take something out of the traveller that makes them tired, the idea that there is one specific room for sleeping quarters within the Inbetween, paired with that not-quite-right smiley face—I am traumatized, I tell you.

Yes it could be a “haha look what I did with the sentence, because day is a form of time and they time travel so long day is a funny term” kind of smiley, but. Kingdom Hearts has trained me to be suspicious of any talk of sleep.

There’s something just mildly unsettling about the way it continues, with the references to the “many Karls” and the “many many great stories” that sounds borderline condescending.

And now we get the, uh, “other” author. Notice how this one actually did not have a corresponding wither rose in a pot. I’m starting to think that the flower might actually be an indicator of the not-this-author-pictured-above, the probably-Inbetween-itself, so the fact that this book was found separately from a wither rose pot and it was tucked away under a tree... A tree, under which c!Karl will later find a bit of a refuge... yeah, different author. Or at least an author from a different time.

I’ll elaborate in a moment, but I do think that there’s three (3) mindsets/authors happening here: the sickly sweet Inbetween pretending to be good, the person trying to get c!Karl to distrust the Inbetween, and... someone who desperately wants c!Karl to stay in line.

This is the third... I don’t want to say author, because it too has the wither rose pot and is trying to keep c!Karl playing along with the Inbetween, but it’s much less coherent and much more desperate.

No “:]”, either.

Some possibilities I’m considering:

the Inbetween, but it’s like, a security subroutine or a glitch in the system,

the Inbetween, but it’s from a future wherein c!Karl has fucked it up to the point of desperation,

Karl / the other author, but it’s from a future, where trying to stray from the Inbetween resulted in something traumatic happening and they don’t want it to happen anymore.

Some fun possibilities to keep in mind. Anyway!

Ooh, the return of the wither rose pot.

For this part, the only thing I really have to say is that the repetition of the Inbetween trying to present itself as “a place to feel at ease” is... Well, as the lovely Fear has said in this post linked here, a place that tries and makes itself seem safe probably isn’t, because a genuinely safe place wouldn’t need to announce it all the time.

Very much sounding like a Ba Sing Se thing.

More importantly, the book actually says that it’s “wild” how the Inbetween is “so beautiful that even time travellers who go anywhere at anytime ever and they still choose here” with a good old “:]” tacked on at the end. That’s... that’s not just me thinking like that sounds kind of threatening, right? Like, time travellers can see anything anywhere, and they keep coming back to the Inbetween. Why?

Is it because they forget the beauty of anything else? Is it because it’s not beauty, but rather attachment and emotion that keeps someone going back to a place? If someone forgets their loved ones and precious things, then why would they go anywhere but the place where they’ve put all their stories?

Why did KH’s protagonist keep going deeper into Castle Oblivion even though he knew that the castle was taking apart his memories? Because he had one thing left: the fake, implanted memory, which told him that in order to save someone, he needed to push on no matter the personal cost.

So the real question is: are the time travellers coming back to the Inbetween because they want to, or because they no longer have a choice?

It regards all the different Karls with such... distant affection, too. “How beautiful,” it calls them, for wandering the blank halls with blank stares and blank hearts, none of which react to each other. It says that they “choose” to walk the halls, uncover mysteries, and tell stories. But what was the other choice? Was it really a choice at all?

Hmm.

Karl goes on to explore, and finds another book that does not have a wither rose pot, which tells him he has to go Under The Tree.mp3 and informs him that he “can’t afford not to”. Cool. Not ominous at all.

He finds another, which says the same thing.

Definitely not ominous. /s

The phrasing here is interesting, because it’s also phrased like a threat. Usually, when someone tells you that you “can’t afford not to”, you’re either looking at a scam or at the business end of a weapon. But the empty pages tell you that the author is trying to keep it down low. That’s one of the ways Minecraft players have found to express tone in the very limited form of Minecraft books, and it works splendidly.

Not to push my DreamXD agenda, but like... the door was iron. Iron doors are a weakness for Dreams and dreamons and, mayhaps, Dream’s dreamon.

I know it’s probably just because the iron door keeps in line with the color palette of the build but let me dream, alright.

Anyway, book content! And an interesting point of order: there is a wither rose pot. I said earlier that it might be an indicator of the Inbetween as an author, but that doesn’t make much sense now, does it? This is meant to be a place hidden from the “it” that I assume to be either the Inbetween itself or the one/s controlling it.

So why the wither rose pot inconsistency?

Unless it doesn’t mean that. Unless it’s just a metaphor for, say, memories withering away or something. Or maybe it’s just a pretty plant, for funsies! Who knows. If I had to guess, I’d say that (after much reflection) it’s likely less a mark of author and more a theme of, mm, memory status. The withering away of memories. It fits in with the Inbetween, because that’s what might be responsible for it, but the author/s of the book aren’t immune, either. They get blinks of clarity, with the hidden, tucked-away tomes, but they might not be completely free.

The next book, however, again lacks the wither rose pot. It might not be a coincidence that the one without the potential mark of a withering memory is the one that actually divulges some more information.

This book goes into slightly more detail about the warning, though not about whatever actual threat it is that the castle (which... Castle Oblivion, you know) presents.

It says that 1) it’s not what it seems, 2) the "truth about the other forms of you”, 3) this place “is not okay”, and 4) get in that portal we saw that was blocked off before.

We know that the Inbetween isn’t what it seems, but the “truth” about the other forms... Hm. This is, in fact, another Kingdom Hearts Thing. There’s a running joke that everyone on the very large cast of characters in KH that in the end, every person is actually either secretly a version of the antagonist (through possession or body splitting or whatever), or a version of the protagonist (through similar concepts). Multiple bodies and other forms is definitely a Thing in KH, though it’s not as oh-god-not-again definitely-bad as the sleeping thing.

I think the other forms have either become reliant on the Inbetween or have forgotten everything but the Inbetween, or both. Maybe more of the prior, since the warning is against trusting the place.

And, uh, this? Fucking terrifying. I love it to pieces.

Every single one of these books has a wither rose pot, and this is kind of why I think that the Inbetween or its master/s is, in some way, possibly functioning via routines and like... an AI. Or a genius loci kind of thing.

But good news, there aren’t 13 books, there are 14! This is important for Kingdom Hearts reasons, because Kingdom Hearts has a big thing about the numbers 13 and 7 (13 is the number of pieces of darkness, and 7 is the number of pieces of light, and this is equal somehow, don’t question it).

Now, 14 is an important meme number in the MCYT fandom, of course, but I don’t think it has terribly too much to do with the lore beyond a fun easter egg.

The books themselves trying to tell c!Karl to, essentially, go with the flow and the path that the Inbetween has set up for him is... something. I like the idea that it’s some future version of something trying to stop something from happening, but we all know it’s probably not going to work. Fun times.

And finally, this.

The Inbetween is a bit of a narcissist, huh? It won’t shut up about how it’s so pretty and irresistible and the whole definition of, like, a honey trap. Oh my god it even describes it as ~mysterious~ as a good trait, that’s hilarious.

More pertinently, it also calls the Inbetween “a time traveller’s dream”.

A time traveller’s. Dream.

Again, not to push my DreamXD agenda, BUT—

But! Getting back on track, the book expresses its eagerness to see Karl again, says their relationship is gonna be great, reminds him that his stories are important, and then tells him that he needs the Inbetween/author just like the SMP needs him.

Uh. He’s going to need the Inbetween?

Hello?

Why? How? So far it’s presented itself as being pretty and perfect but it never said anything about necessity! What’s going on!

Very much reminded of how Castle Oblivion was presented as “you need to keep going in even though it takes your memories away because there’s someone you need to save [fake but you don’t know that because you don’t remember anything]”, and I am afright.

Talk about subtle strings being tugged at here. I’m really seeing the beginning seeds of a dependency thing being sown, and if it weren’t for the side books painting giant neon warning signs everywhere, I don’t know if it would’ve caught on. An artificially cultivated concept of how important and great the Inbetween is, and don’t you just want to take all those stories from that messy world elsewhere but come back here in the end to take a break and exist and explore and oh, isn’t the Inbetween great, isn’t it wonderful?

Man, c!Dream wishes he was this good at subtle manipulation.

tldr; there are multiple authors trying to tug c!Karl in different directions via those books. The Kingdom Hearts parallels predict that his memory will be at stake, and he might not be able to escape without help.

#tales from the smp #dream smp #general thoughts #the inbetween is a scary place im telling u #a Place that wants to be your friend but probably has ulterior motives? oof!!

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st-just · 3 years

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Semi-coherent Thoughts on the Poppy War Series

(Because I really need to start forcing myself to write semi-consistently again)

So I’ll say outright that I actually liked the series quite a bit, which does mean I actually got engaged and invested enough to start turning it over and picking it apart in my head after I finished it. So, like, this is probably going to come across as more negative overall than my actual opinions of the books.

Anyway, first off I really do adore Rin as a protagonist (I’d say ‘heroine’, but, well, no). Now partially this is because I always love even minimally sympathetic morally grey (..grey like coal soot, in this case) protagonists. But she’s just also such a complete garbage fire of a person, it’s kind of endearing. Well, that’s a bit callous – her entire personality is more or less a conflict between different kinds of unhealthy responses to powerlessness and trauma. Be she’s also just such a mess, and when she really starts leaning into delusions of grandeur you can’t help but root for her and hope things do actually turn out okay, regardless of how many fivers of blood she’s currently fantasizing about creating.

A big part of that is just how thoroughly awful the entire setting is, and how terrible everyone in it are, of course. Like, there are basically exactly three developed character in the entire trilogy who are unambiguously at least mostly good people (Chen, probably Venka, specifically the amnesiac and semi-delusional version of Jiang, but that’s being generous), and the fact that they stick around with Rin right to the end kind of puts that into doubt, honestly. Beyond that – almost every family has negligent or abusive parents, and literally every political figure is a bloody-handed tyrant ruling through violence and fear. The Hesperians are racist imperialists convinced they have a divine mandate to conquer the world, the Mugenese are every horror story from the IJA during WW2 translated to a pre-industrial fantasy setting, the ruling elite of Nikara are so many racist, scheming, power-hungry snakes with no concerns except their own position....

And, part and parcel with how terrible the setting is, Kuang does an incredible job of making all the worst things Rin does (until the final act, anyway) incredibly cathartic and badass and fun-in-a-fucked-up-way to read. There’s a terrible sort of awe while she turns the main islands of not!Japan into a pyroclastic hellscape. And whenever she gets a chance to enact any of her numerous revenges on some of the many people who abused and betrayed her it’s always poetic, in a Count-of-Monte-Cristo sort of way, and so kind of sickly compelling, even beyond it being some of the only times Rin’s really hopeful and happy. (Also, there are fun villainous monologues and quippy post-murder one-liners!)

Also, all forms of love are a terrible idea 100% of the time and is only going to end in at least one of the parties dead, abused, or (more or less literally) killing themselves in order to keep up with the other/earn their approval/try to keep them together. (I mean, Rin mostly had horrible taste in men, but Chen wasn’t able to stay mad at her for longer than a few months even after the whole ‘genocide’ thing, which he’s just about the only person to react to with any horror whatsoever. And look at how that ended up working out for him, so-)

I’m sure comparing grimdark fantasy to A Song of Ice And Fire is thoroughly out of fashion by now, but the overall perspective really did strike me as incredibly similar to Martin’s, a lot of the time. ‘Legitimate’ power and ‘lawful’ authority are ultimately nothing but polite fictions maintained by violence, terror and brutal oppression. War is a hell suffered most keenly by civilians with the misfortune to live and die in the middle of it, and least of all by the people with the power who actually start and end them. A flawed and unequal peace is very often preferable to dragging everything to hell with you as you die for the sake of freedom. And so on.

Now, to start the nitpicking – this is entirely personal and aesthetic, but it was kind of annoying how each of the first two books ended in moments of megalomaniac grandeur and terrifying empowerment, and then the next book started with a timeskip of things having gone to shit and her back under someone else’s thumb, and then a solid majority of the text is spent getting manipulated, betrayed, and finally crawling and clawing her way back out to the same point (both emotionally and in terms of independence/vision) that she had been at the previous book’s climax.

This isn’t anything even close to unique to TPW, of course – everything going to shit between the end of one story and the start of the sequel is kind of endemic to a lot of genres, really. And it is frankly incredibly in character for Rin to go through cycles flipping between resentment at being manipulated and used, and desperately craving authority figures to tell her what she should do and give her validation as valuable or useful. Still a bit annoying to read, though.

I’m sure it’s more me than the books – not like they didn’t put in the effort – but I could just never get really invested in the whole enemies-to-almost-lovers-to-enemies-again-to-? Thing with Nezha. Like, he’s interesting in that you can do a 180 perspective flip and he’d clearly be just as suitable a protagonist as Rin is, and his life’s very sad and everything. But, like, we get a front row seat to Rin’s internal monologue, and she gets thirsty for plenty of terrible men (and one awful woman), the only thing that makes Nezha special is that he’s not at least twice her age. So I never really got nearly as emotionally invested in them as the books seemed to expect me to. Which does kind of hurt the whole final act of book three.

Speaking of – okay, the ending isn’t awful or anything, but it is kind of disappointing in being exactly what you would expect it to be, as far as Rin’s character arc goes? Which might be just because I was already primed to compare this to ASOIF and she just literally pulls a Daenerys (fire-aligned vengeance/justice character with revolutionary impulses and an autocratic sensibility is willing to burn down the world in the process of freeing it, goes mad with power and paranoia, needs to be put down for the good of the country), but still. Her reading Venka throwing her to the ground to avoid an assassination attempt as a betrayal and burning her to death before she realized what was happening was just really heavy handed, you know? Same with turning on Kitay, who at this point is her actual literal soulmate. (Also sad in a broader sense, because those two are like literally two of the only characters in the entire series I’d actually peg as worthy of/capable of being trusted with political power.)

The specifics aside, I’m a miserable enough person to appreciate how unsatisfying the actual resolution at the end of the book is – imperialism wins! Literally no choice but to sign those unequal treaties and hope you’re eventually able to grow strong enough to force them out! Everything is the same as before this forty-year cycle of wars except much, much worse! - but yeah, I really just don’t actually care about Nezha enough as a character for it to really land. Also Kitay and Venka deserved better, even if literally no one else did.

Anyway, yeah, good series. Would recommend if you like the genre and can stomach all the, well, everything.

#books #the poppy war #the dragon republic #the burning god #r. f. kuang #book review #in this essay I will #this is theoretically a writing blog

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wrienne · 3 years

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My Cheating, Amnesic Fiancé

Chapter 5: Amnesia

“‘Amnesic’?” you echoed.

“Yes, amnesic,” Kim Sejin confirmed. “It’s made the situation much more complicated than it normally would have turned out. He won’t sleep and refuses to eat or take any painkillers. It was a miracle he accepted any medical treatment at all.”

“Amnesia merely affects your memory,” you said confidently. “It shouldn’t disturb his basic intelligence.”

Last year, Se-Eun had been fanatic about a manhwa or manga about a protagonist who had suffered that exact ailment, which resulted in her reading up on everything about it. And of course, she had poured all of that so very necessary - no, not really, not until now - information into your brain, so you were feeling pretty up to date about the condition. There were two main types of amnesia, but neither of them would make a person lose all of his senses.

“Well, to clarify, he mistrusts everyone.” Sejin averted his gaze, then continued quietly. “The kid doesn’t even recognize his group members. It was really… tough seeing that, though it was even tougher when I was forced to send them home with him being the way he is.” He cleared his throat, then met your gaze again. You thought you saw a glimmer of tears in his eyes before he blinked and it was gone. “He barely speaks. He won’t sleep if someone is in the room. And even though he can’t eat with his broken arm, he won’t let anyone feed him.”

“The last might have something to do with hospital food in general,” you said, trying your best to lighten up the mood. In all honesty, you felt as if someone was twirling around your intestines with a giant, hot fork. “Have you tried something else? Sweets? Fried chicken?”

“Nothing works,” Sejin said bitterly. “Not even the nurses or the doctors can win him over. He’s… a bit out of it, if you ask me.”

You undid your hair and ran a frustrated hand through it. “Why call me?” you exclaimed. “Why not his parents?”

“His parents have been contacted,” he began, “but nobody has replied. And it wasn’t exactly my intention to call you. Your number was the only unfamiliar one Taehyung found among Jungkook’s contacts. Neither of us thought it would be you, considering the ID, though I am glad it was.”

“Why?” you asked, only fleetingly wondering exactly what kind of nickname you had had the misfortune of receiving on Jungkook’s phone that had made both Sejin and someone named Taehyung so surprised. Demon fiancée? The spawn of Satan? A better question would also be how he had gotten your number in the first place. You didn't have his.

“What exactly do you think I might accomplish that none of you haven’t already thought of?” you went on. “We’re just family friends. Why not get any of his other acquaintances? Or why not his girlfriend?” A little bit of your earlier jealousy trickled into your voice, weighing it down. It broke painfully, reluctantly. You cringed at the pitiful sound.

“He’s been asking for you.”

You paled. “What?”

Kim Sejin wore a dead-serious expression. “As soon as the kid regained consciousness, your name was the first thing that jumped out of his mouth. And I did call Yi-Jae almost first, but when she arrived, he couldn’t recognize her either. It really broke her.”

You almost didn't hear him. Jungkook had called for you? He remembered you out of everyone?

“I'm going in,” you said and finally opened the door.

Sejin looked like he had wanted to say something else but you were already halfway inside. Sitting on the edge of one of two hospital beds with his booted feet planted firmly into the floor and back toward the doorway, was a lonely guy dressed familiarly in a large t-shirt and loose-fitting blue jeans. Layers of bandage encircled his head, his right arm rested in a basic splint and you noticed minor scratches and bruises across his body that had mostly been patched up. A few spots of maroon sullied the otherwise white of his t-shirt. Other than that, Jeon Jungkook looked completely fine.

As soon as you entered, he spun around. What had initially been an expression of suspicion across his features melted into a face of recognition - and joy.

“(Y/N)!” he exclaimed and abruptly stood and made a movement to go to you before stopping himself. His eyes darted to something behind you and his features stiffened.

Kim Sejin had walked in after you. You were quick to gather yourself and cleared your throat. “I think I should handle this on my own,” you told Sejin. “If you could just wait outside…?”

He nodded once before quickly leaving, closing the door after him. You had still caught the hurt in the man’s eyes, however.

“Took you long enough!”

Jungkook continued toward you, grimacing slightly when he had to lean on his left leg. But he was smiling again. At you.

“Sorry, I was watching paint dry,” you said automatically, your brain and tongue having gotten used to quick retorts with Jungkook. You couldn’t believe your eyes. Jeon Jungkook was happy to see you?

“Because that seems healthy to do.”

“Heard you got ran over,” you said, ignoring him as you tried to get a grip of the situation. He was amnesic, you would have to keep that in mind all the time. He had probably lost at least the last five or so years while with BTS. That would explain why he remembered you, since your relationship practically predated the dinosaurs.

But when had there been a time in your life when you two were happy to see each other?

“Yeah, accident,” Jungkook said as he halted in front of you. “Or so they tell me.”

This close, you could see some dirt still left underneath his ear, and he smelled of alcohol, the city and disinfectant. You tried not to look too concerned, adopting a casual pose with your arm crossed over your chest. But inside, your emotions and thoughts were in turmoil.

“You do look great for someone supposedly hit by a car,” you admitted after conspicuously eyeing him up and down. “Barely a scratch.”

“That’s what I was trying to tell them.” He lowered his voice and leaned closer to you, almost causing you to flinch backward at the sudden lack of space between you. “I don’t trust anyone of them. I mean, I get that my arm needs bandaging and that I need rest. I can feel that, physically. But there were six or so guys crowding me just recently, people I have never seen in all of my life, that were all incredibly concerned. They were telling me everything would be alright, that they could help me get better and that they were happy I wasn’t dead. But all I could think about was: ‘How long have they just been sitting there, watching me?'”

“What’s so bad about that?” you asked and frowned. “Even if you don’t know them, didn’t it feel great waking up to people waiting for you?”

“No,” he said quietly as he averted his gaze. “Not when I don’t know them and they keep telling me how much I do.”

There it was: fear. You could read it in his mere voice.

“Then I guess it’s my turn to try and convince you,” you said carefully. “You’ve gotten amnesia, Jungkook, that’s why you can’t remember them. But for years now, you’ve spent almost every day with six guys, training, performing and living together. They are your hyungs. The seven of you are BTS, one of the biggest, most popular K-pop groups in the world. You stood on a stage in a completely filled stadium just a few hours ago. Are you sure you don’t even feel a tiny bit of recognition?”

“No. All I know is you.”

You felt your breath hitch in the back of your throat and your face flush with color. That had been an unexpected response.

Jungkook seemed as if he were waiting for you to reply but you couldn’t find your voice. With a frustrated sigh, he backed away from you and sank down on the ledge of the same hospital bed he had sat on when you entered. He leaned his torso forward, placed his elbows on his thighs and rested his head in the palms of his hands. You remained standing, as paralyzed.

“You are all I can think about,” he murmured after a long pause, then grimaced. “I think I was angry with you and that I had something really, really important to tell you. I was… I was going to see you but that’s about all I can recall. Everything else is too blurry. It hurts just trying to think about what I had for breakfast - I can’t even begin to imagine having been friends with those guys, even less performed with them a couple hours ago. I am just so confused and paranoid and--”

His voice broke, and he ceased talking. Your heart ached seeing him like that. He didn’t react when you moved closer, or even when you sat down next to him. He simply hid his face in his hands. You were tempted to reach out and touch him, comfort him, but even before you raised your arm, you recalled his eyes when he had looked at Park Yi-Jae. You recalled the ease with which he had moved to let her kiss his cheek.

This was wrong. Everything had gone so terribly wrong.

Still, you draped an arm over his shoulder blades and gently squeezed his bicep with your other hand. He tensed slightly, then relaxed as you began speaking.

“We’ll sort this through,” you told him softly. “One step after another. I don’t know how, and I doubt I’m even nearly enough qualified to help you, but I will do my very best. I refuse to see you break because of this.”

“I… I have wanted to become a singer for so very long...”

His voice was only one step above a whisper. It took all your willpower not to embrace him and hold him until he told you to stop. You knew it wouldn’t be right.

“I know,” you replied. “I won’t let you lose this opportunity. I’ll help you through this, Jeon Jungkook.”

One of his hands found yours, and clamped around it. “Even though I’ve been horrible toward you for the last ten, fifteen years or so?”

“Oh, so that you remember?” you asked while laughing. “I was starting to think you were a lost cause. Well, shoot, there goes the plan I had for using your pretty face to make money in a very illegal way.”

He chuckled, but wouldn’t show his face yet. “That’s dark, (Y/N). Cruel too. You don’t need any more money.”

You laughed again, feeling tremendously better now. “I’m just trying to lighten up the mood. We’re in a hospital, you know.”

“Thank you for telling me,” he said sarcastically. “I wasn’t aware of that until just now.”

“No problem.” You couldn’t help but smile, even as you tried to regain a serious tone. “Jungkook, even though you can be a stupid brat more often than not, I have to admit that you’re one of the most head-strong, unyielding and hard-working people I know. If you can’t make it through this, I don’t think there’s anyone out there who can.”

Finally, he lifted his head and turned to look at you. There were no tears staining his cheeks, but his cheeks and nose were rosy and his brown eyes glittered, like he were just on the brink of crying. You gave him your gentlest smile then scooted away, feeling your heartbeats hasten and your skin grow warm underneath the weight of his gaze.

“Thank you.”

His hand wouldn’t release yours. Your heart was racing and slammed against the inner side of your ribcage so hard you thought it was trying to break out and run away - at least you were in the right place to get a cardiac arrest.

But still, he had simply thanked you. Why were you getting so weird because of that?

You cleared your throat and pointedly looked at his hand. Jungkook eyes widened in surprise and he quickly let go of you.

“So,” you began as you stood up, eager to get some distance between you two. “The first thing we need to do is get you something to eat and drink. And then you need to sleep. By the way, why aren’t you in a hospital gown?”

“I’m not hungry, and I don’t want to wear one,” he replied. “It makes me look sickly and dying, which I’m not. I’ve just injured my arm, that’s it.”

“Well, I don’t think sweaty, bloody clothes are the most optimal to rest in. I will have to find some new clothes for you to wear,” you said, scrutinizing him from head to toe. He was athletic and lithe, yet tall enough that he probably had to size upwards in most brands. While spending a moment trying to figure out the most optimal clothing store, you realized that since they lived together, his group members probably knew where he had his wardrobe. You decided you would go there as soon as possible.

“You don’t need to spend money on me,” he said, his voice suddenly harsh, his face hardening to stone.

You frowned, but decided against prying. He needed to sleep as soon as possible.

“Don’t worry,” you told him, “I won’t. I’ll find something fresh you can loan by tomorrow. Are you hungry? Should I return with some fast food or something first?”

“You’re leaving?”

You nodded and checked your phone. “I have to go to school in less than six hours. I can try to come at lunch tomorrow, but most likely, I won’t be here until late afternoon. So you’ve got to tell me now if you want fried chicken or not. I’ll even buy some Pepsi if you’re sweet about it.”

You stood with your back against him as you searched for your parents’ driver in the contact list. You were waiting for him to pick up when Jungkook spoke.

“I won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

You opened your mouth to make fun of him when you saw his expression. It was that frightened expression you remembered from a long time back.

You knew you couldn’t leave him.

“Fine,” you said as you canceled the call. “But I will have to leave early in the morning. I can’t miss school.”

“As long as you wake me before you go.”

Jungkook looked at you with eyes you could not help but sympathize with. Yet you understood, he had to rest.

“I will,” you lied.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Satisfied, he began lifting one leg after the other onto his bed when you stopped him. After taking off his boots and helping him with the paper-thin blanket, you washed your hands, face and mouth in a basin that was in the room. By the time you thought you wouldn’t smell like noodles anymore and you started drying yourself with a paper towel, you heard light snoring from behind you. You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. Jungkook must have fought back sleep for a long time while mouthing off the doctors and nurses.

You unzipped your jacket and hung it over one of seven chairs in the room, together with your purse. You set an alarm on your phone and plugged it into a socket that until then had powered an ugly bedside lamp. And finally, you found yourself sitting next to him on the other hospital bed in the room, watching his peaceful face.

You weren’t in love with Jeon Jungkook. You truly weren’t.

But you might have just begun falling for him.

#wrienne #ao3 #bts fanfiction #MCAF

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hamtigers · 3 years

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When I found out about Milgram it's inevitable that I got into it, since I love Deco*27's music so much. However as a fair warning, the entire project deals with extremely heavy themes since every character is a killer in some way or another. So if you are uncomfortable with content involving themes such as abuse, suicide, death, stalking, violence, abortion, and animal death, please do not look into this project or read any further.

I'd add a read more but I still don't know how from mobile lmao.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on each prisoner so far

Haurka: I am choosing to agree with the theory that he had some sort of learning disability and that he lashed out in jealousy because people didn't understand him or his needs. I also currently prefer the twin brother theory over the younger self theory, because if he was so miserable at the time why would his past self look so happy? While I don't believe mental disabilities excuse someone from being held responsible for their actions, I do believe that he was too young at the time and not given the right tools and help to learn to cope. Instead he falsely learned lashing out was the only way to be taken seriously. He shows extreme remorse for how he behaved and seems to be triggered by anything that reminds him of his past (his dislike of young children and animals in particular). I want to forgive him so that he can get the help he desperately needs.

Yuno: Abortions are not murder. It's extremely easy for me to forgive her. Especially since it's heavily implied that her clients refused to use protection even when asked. She probably didn't have a way to get access to birth control without bringing her controversial career in compensated dating to light, either.

Futa: honestly I got into Milgram so late that I haven't put much personal thought into Futa because quite honestly: I don't like him and I feel like he represents a huge part of what's wrong with cancel culture. He fancies himself a hero, thinking that he's fighting for what's right. It's pretty clear to me though that he's taking his so called 'villains' out of context and condemning them for things he doesn't have a full picture on. I think i'd be able to understand the story better if I could read the screen on his phone, but I do not know japanese and rely heavily on fan translations for content outside of the provided lyric translations. It's clear he didn't actually want anyone dead, since the monsters in his fantasies are just KOed... Up until the last one, where the literal blood on his hands shakes him out of the fantasy. I see a lot of people saying he bullied and doxxed someone until they committed suicide. I'm still glad he was voted unforgiven for this round though.

Mu: I don't... Fully understand Mu's story. I understand she was bullied and harassed by people who pretended to be her friend initially, which is something I can absolutely sympathize with. I also understand that she was just being used for her wealth rather than seen as a real friend. What I don't understand is why she targeted the specific girl she did for her 'escape'. The popular theory is that she had a crush on the girl, got outed as being not straight, and the entire school including her friends started relentlessly bullying her even physically for it. The other girl seems to just straight up avoid and ignore her, which is why I understand the point of being pressured nearly to suicide and exploding but I don't understand why she attacked the specific person she did. I think my opinion of her can go either way the more information we get.

Shidou: I'm following the harvested organs from his patients to try and save his lover theory. Honestly even with the vague imagery there's so little wiggle room for doubt in this one. I don't think he should be forgiven, but he also wants to die because he already saw his lover die which he is quoted as thinking to be a fate worse than death. For all the lives he's ruined, I almost want to say he deserves that torture... At least, that's how I'm dealing with the idea that he was already voted forgiven by the time I got here.

Mahiru: I!!! Hate!!! Her!!! Overly clingy and controlling of her lover who she stalked while trying to emulate romance novels to force into a relationship with her. Heavily implied to have driven him to suicide via emotional abuse and guilt tripping him back to her every time he tried to break up with her. I'm so glad she was already voted unforgiven by the time I got here. I actually had to take a break and step back after the weight of her song hit me because it reminded me of so many people I've had the misfortune of having in my life in the past.

Kazui: so far my first one that I have an original theory on instead of following one someone else came up with! I just posted my full thoughts on the video about an hour ago. But basically, I feel like his wife divorced him and wanted to stay friends but he wanted to get back together. It escalated until they had an argument that resulted in her falling or being pushed to her death. Seems to view himself as the protagonist in his own romantic tragedy. My opinion on him was swinging wildly until I came up with this theory and now I am leaning heavily towards unforgiven because it is the similar selfish pushiness as mahiru minus the manipulation.

Amane: most of her imagery flew over my head until I read some comments and theories. I support the 'grew up in a religious cult that literally tortured her if she didn't follow the rules' theory. I'm voting to forgive her because just like Haruka, I think she's too young to truly be held responsible, especially when it's currently unclear to me what actually happened. I think what she needs isn't punishment, but to be taken away from the cult and rehabilitated.

Mikoto: until we have more info I'm as confused as he is : )

Kotoko: seems to be pretty upfront about what's going on. I'm currently assuming that she fancies herself some kind of vigilante or holds a very strong personal grudge of some sort. Obv waiting for more info.

#ham rambles #long post #milgram #deco*27

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pumpkincentaur · 3 years

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Unholy Holy Things Characters // Alexei von Kazimir | The Mundane Misfortune

Alexei sinks back into himself and lets Cormac take the stage once more. Cormac has always been better at faking things, playing games, the sort of stuff that nobles are supposed to be good at. Alexei wears his heart on his sleeve—a painful affliction to have when your heart is weak and tender and oh so prone to bursting. He’s been able to hide behind Cormac since they were children. If only he could hide behind Cormac forever.

If only he could be with Cormac forever.

At least for now Alexei has an excuse to not act like himself. It was only a month and a half ago that his father passed, after all. The Imperial Guard’s investigation is ongoing, and by anyone’s standards, the wound Ilya’s death left should still be bloody and raw. In his grief (or his attempt at manufacturing it), Alexei can retreat into a shell of his own making and step away from the games, the politics, the endless tide of lies that nobles like him are supposed to revel in.

But, even though he’s sitting here acting the grieving son, all Alexei can think about is her. The bastard. The ruination of his family. That Godeaten demon bitch.

Ilya’s Godsblood was supposed to be his. He wasn’t supposed to be human. Even if the blood of Malusiel wasn’t present in him, it was supposed to be passed onto his children. But now, she’s taken it. She’s taken everything.

After his father’s assassination at the hands of rebels in the Empire’s capital, Alexei is the sole heir to House Kazimir, a powerful Imperial noble family that holds territory along the Empire’s border with Caethell Mor. Upon the death of his grandfather, the current Duke Kazimir, Alexei should inherit all of his family’s titles and lands... but now that a bastard bearing House Kazimir’s Godsblood has appeared thanks to a mistake Alexei’s father made many years ago, Alexei’s inheritance has been called into question. Understandably, Alexei is none too pleased about this predicament.

Character Information

Name: Alexei Emirhan Ilya Deniz von Kazimir

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Date of Birth: May 2nd, Imperial Year 1849

Godsblood: None

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Role: One of six protagonists, the scorned son, the cheated brother, far too emotional and headstrong for his own good

Taglist and more info under the cut. If you’d like to be added to the taglist for Unholy Holy Things, please let me know, either by responding to this post or sending me an ask!

And now, we have the penultimate member of our main cast... Alexei. I might change his name eventually, but Alexei might stick, I don’t know. He’s a bit of a firecracker. He’s also very upset, about a LOT of things, not just the death of his father (he has daddy issues on account of his father being consumed by the soul of a dead god and spending the next seven years as an empty husk) and the knowledge that he’s got a bastard sister who’s met the same fate his father did. For those who might be slightly confused, that bastard sister is also a member of our main cast: Malvina, who is the final character in the main six and has yet to be introduced.

Taglist: @elywritesbydarkness, @sprigofbasil, @scaevolawrites, @maskedlady, @metanoiamorii, @anomaly00, @error-404-error-not-found, @hekat-ie, @unholieds, @kaseylynnwriting, @aurieeeeeenyx

#writeblr #writblr #writers on tumblr #novels on tumblr #unholy holy things #uht character edits #ch: alexei von kazimir #myedits #POOR ALEXEI #he does not deserve any of this #he's also very very gay for cormac which is another thing he doesn't deserve #cormac has the nerve to be one of like the only two straight people in this entire wip #alexei is a good person at heart #but no one ever actually taught him to manage his emotions so he has terrible coping skills and a bad temper #sucks to be him #trust me #it WILL suck to be him

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remywrites5 · 4 years

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“You’re a slacker and I’m a straight A student and we were paired together for a group project and I just want you to get out of the way and let me do everything but you insist on helping for some odd reason ” AU with wolfstar please

Remus froze in horror as he reached into the bowl of names to pick his partner for their history project. He looked out at the sea of his classmates and prayed for someone good. He knew no one in the room would really mind being his partner, because Remus was studious and took his academic seriously, so being his partner for a project basically guaranteed a good grade.

His hand wrapped around a piece of paper and he lifted his up. “Sirius Black,” he said as evenly as he could while his heart sank. Sirius Black was a notorious trouble maker who barely did any school work and only got decent grades because he was smart and was good at taking tests. Most days he didn’t even bother handing in his homework and he spent most of class lounging back with his feet on the desk and his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Remus risked a glance over at Sirius and he found Sirius beaming at him. It was odd to see Sirius look so excited about anything school related. The only time Black got excited about anything was the stupid pranks he liked to pull with his friend James. At least Remus hadn’t ended up with Potter as his partner. James was even worse than Sirius but it seemed that misfortune had landed on Lily Evans.

Taking his seat again, Remus began jotting down ideas for what point in history they should do. He immediately dismissed World War Two as he figured most people would be drawn to that era. He didn’t want to pick anything too obscure, knowing he’d be doing everything himself. There was no point in making things harder when it came time to research.

Remus had been so busy with his list that he must have missed the teacher telling them to meet up with their partners. He was startled when Sirius Black dropped his books onto Remus’ desk and sat backwards in the chair in front of Remus to face him.

“Hi there!” Sirius said, running his fingers through his shoulder length hair. “How’s it going, Lupin?”

Remus jotted down a few more ideas before he forgot them and then glanced up at Sirius. “I’m fine, you?”

“I’m fantastic,” Sirius said, leaning in towards Remus as if they were sharing a secret. “I was hoping I’d be paired with a cute boy for this.”

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius Black was a shameless flirt, everyone knew that. “I was thinking maybe we could do the Victorian era,” Remus told him, chewing on the end of his pen.

“I was thinking ancient Rome,” Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows. “You know with all those orgies and stuff.”

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes once more. “We’re not presenting on orgies to the class.”

Sirius grinned, putting his arm on the back of the chair and resting his chin in his hand. “You want to do the Victorian era where seeing someone’s ankle was considered scandalous.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow at him in response. “You do know Oscar Wilde was imprisoned for sodomy during this era, right?” he said, making Sirius’ eyes go wide. Probably from the use of the word sodomy. “And Lord Byron was off fucking pretty much anything that would move.”

Sirius hummed softly. “I guess that could be cool.”

Remus sighed. “So glad you approve,” he said with a hint of annoyance. He was going to have to do the whole project himself anyway. He didn’t really need Sirius’ input anyway.

“Wanna meet in the library after school?” Sirius asked, gathering up his stuff as the teacher announced the end of class.

“Why?” Remus asked, frowning as Sirius stood up.

Sirius laughed. “To work on the project?”

“Oh, um, sure.”

“Perfect!” Sirius said, beaming at him. Remus gave him a tentative smile in return. He was surprised to see Sirius so enthusiastic about a school project. “’I’ll see you there!”

“See you.”

***

Remus got a few books about the Victorian Era and spread them out over the table he’d picked at the back of the library. He thought maybe Sirius would bail on their plans to meet up, which honestly suited Remus just fine. He’d get along better without having Sirius interrupting him. He chewed on his pen cap as he jotted down some notes.

“Hey Remus!” Sirius said, sliding in the chair beside him. “Sorry I’m late. Peter got his hand stuck in a peanut butter jar…again. I swear it’s like being friends with Winnie the Pooh.” Sirius laughed and slung his arm over Remus’ shoulders with a familiarity that just did not exist between them. Remus wondered if it would be rude to shake Sirius off him.

Remus cleared his throat and decided to change the subject back to school. He didn’t want to get to know Sirius Black. He didn’t want that kind of trouble in his life. Sure, Sirius was gorgeous, vivacious and intriguing, but he also had a tendency to get bored of people easily. It seemed like every month there were rumors of Sirius with another bloke. Whether they were true or not was another matter and Remus didn’t know Sirius well enough to be sure. At one point Remus had cared a great deal about the goings-on of Sirius Black but he’d more or less gotten over his stupid crush.

“So I was thinking we could talk about the evolution of the English novel starting and it’s reflection of society at the time,” Remus said, writing down the names of a few authors he wanted to mention.

“Sounds very swotty,” Sirius teased, reading the list over Remus’ shoulder. “I’m not going to have to read all those books, am I?”

“No,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I’ve read most of the ones I want to touch on. Dickens, Conan Doyle, Austen, Bronte, Wilde.”

“I have read Hound of the Baskerville,” Sirius offered, glancing at the list again. “I’ve seen the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice. Does that count for anything?”

Remus chuckled despite himself. “It’s more accurate to the book than the Kiera Knightly one.”

“I mostly just watched it because Colin Firth is hot,” Sirius said with a shrug. “And I know about a Christmas Carol, even though I’ve never read it.”

“Let me guess, the Muppet version?” Remus quipped, turning his head to look at Sirius and noticing just how close their bodies were. Their breath was actually mingling together.

Sirius grinned. “It’s still the same story.”

“I knew it!” Remus laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “What am I going to do with you?”

“I don’t know…” Sirius said softly, bringing his other hand up and brushing his fingers over Remus’ cheek. “What are you going to do with me?”

Remus felt his cheeks go red and he quickly turned away back to the safety of his books. “I’m thinking maybe we should talk about the poverty of the time and the classism at work in British society. Maybe talk about how a lot of novels had protagonists trying to improve their social standing – Great Expectations, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Oliver Twist.”

Sirius listened to Remus ramble with a bemused smirk on his face. When Remus glanced back over he noticed Sirius was staring at him intently. It made Remus’ stomach clench uneasily.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

Remus’ jaw dropped. “I don’t see how that’s relevant – “

“Is that a no?”

Remus flipped the page of his notebook just for something to do to continue ignoring Sirius’ question. “It’s none of your business,” he finally responded after Sirius didn’t let it go.

“I could make it my business,” Sirius said, licking his lips and smiling. “Why don’t you give me your number?”

“Why?”

“Because I want it.”

Remus scowled at him. “Sirius, I’m not interested –“

“Bollocks.”

Remus’ frown deepened. “Not everyone is interested in you, Black. Y-you’re annoying and selfish and reckless.”

“Flatterer,” Sirius said, his grin showing that he didn’t really believe Remus. “Come on, I’m not that bad, Lupin. I’ve got some good qualities too.”

Remus huffed out a breath. “I don’t know you well enough to say if that’s true or not,” he informed his project partner. “We’ve never exactly spent any significant amount of time together.”

“Let’s change that then, hm?” Sirius said, grabbing Remus’ notebook and scribbling down his number. “Text me tonight and we’ll pick a time this weekend to work on the project. I’ll come over to yours because my place is a nightmare.”

“What?” Remus asked, blinking in utter confusion at Sirius. He wasn’t sure but he thought Sirius Black had just invited himself over to Remus’ house on the weekend.

“I’ve got to get going but don’t do the whole project without me, okay?” Sirius said, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I promise I’m not completely useless.”

Remus could do nothing but stare up at Sirius with a puzzled expression on his face. Sirius smiled at him and then went bounding out of the library. Remus looked down at this notebook and the number scrawled over the middle of the page. Remus tore the page out of his notebook since it was ruined anyway. He considered throwing it into the rubbish bin but shoved it into his pocket instead. He thought about ignoring Sirius’ request and just continuing on by himself. Instead he took the books up to the front desk and checked them out so that he could continue his research over the weekend. Even if Sirius didn’t show up to help him, Remus would be prepared to finish the project on his own.

***

Against his better judgment Remus texted Sirius later that night. He had talked it over with his mum during dinner and she had agreed to let Sirius come over on Saturday. She had been a bit surprised that Remus had asked to have a friend over. The only friend he’d ever had over before was Lily and they were such good friends that Remus didn’t really have to ask if Lily could come over anymore, she was always welcome at the Lupin house.

You can come over tomorrow if you want.

You texted me!

Well yeah. You gave me your number.

What time should I come over?

Around lunchtime? My mum said she’d make us something if you want to eat here before we get started.

I can eat anything I want?

I mean as long as we have it.

Can I eat you?

Shut up. I’ll see you at lunchtime.

***

Sirius arrived at Remus’ a little before noon and he seemed energetic, practically bouncing off the walls. He ate his lunch with gusto, munching on the ham and cheese sandwiches Remus’ mum had made. Sirius had kept the conversation going with Remus’ mum and Remus just sat there eating his food, kind of in a daze. He hadn’t expected Sirius to put so much effort in to talking with his mum. Sirius was alarmingly charming and it seemed like he was attempting to make a good impression. Remus had no idea why.

“Uh, Sirius and I are going to my room to work on the project,” Remus said, grabbing Sirius by the arm and hauling him up out of his seat. He practically dragged Sirius down the hallway to his room and shut the door.

“Anxious to get me alone, huh?” Sirius asked, biting his bottom lip.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked, searching Sirius’ face for some kind of hint that he was lying or being a prat. Instead Sirius just smiled at him.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sirius responded with a shrug. “I was just being polite. Am I not allowed to be polite to your mum who made me lunch?”

Remus huffed, the air puffing out his cheeks for a moment and then causing the curls on his forehead to move when he released it. “You never put it effort for anything.”

“That’s not true,” Sirius said softly, reaching out and playing with one of Remus’ curls.

Remus worked his jaw for a moment. “This isn’t – you don’t –“

“I don’t?” Sirius challenged, twisting his hand into the front of Remus’ jumper and tugging him forward slightly. “How do you know?”

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment and then shook his head. “Why are you trying so hard, Sirius?”

Sirius grinned. “Because you’re making things difficult for me.”

“And if I stopped?” Remus asked, crowding in closer to Sirius.

“Then things would be remarkably easier.”

“You’d get bored of me,” Remus said, glancing down for a moment at Sirius’ mouth and how very, very close it was. “Probably quicker than all the others – “

“Ugh,” Sirius groaned, dropping his head back against the door. “Is that why? Remus, come on. I thought you of all people would be above listening to that gossip.”

Remus frowned. “Lily told me she saw you snogging Evan Rosier.”

“Yeah, well, we all make mistakes,” Sirius grumbled unhappily. “I dated Evan for a month and when I dumped him the stupid prick started making shit up about me. He has been for months just to get back at me. I guess I really am unforgettable.”

Remus placed his hands gently at Sirius’ waist, slipping his fingers under Sirius’ t-shirt to touch his skin. It was warm and soft and Sirius made a cute little gasping noise at the contact. “So I’m not just your latest conquest then?”

Sirius shook his head emphatically. “I fancy you,” he said, pressing his nose against Remus’ jawline in a gentle, sliding it up towards his ear before playfully biting the lobe. “I have for a while now but you don’t exactly make it easy to get to know you.”

Remus smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Sirius’ temple. “I suppose I don’t,” he agreed quietly, shifting his hand to splay against the small of Sirius’ back. “I’ll let you close, if you want.”

“I want,” Sirius breathed out. “Fuck Remus, kiss me.”

Remus turned his head and captured Sirius’ lips, pressing Sirius back against the wall. Sirius’ mouth dropped open and Remus took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside. Sirius moaned and carded his fingers through Remus’ curls until his hand was fisted in Remus’ hair at the back of his head.

Remus broke the kiss after a few life-altering moments and pressed his forehead against Sirius’. “Sirius…”

“Does this mean you’ll stop making things so bloody difficult for me then?” Sirius asked, his kiss-swollen lips twitching into a smirk.

“Absolutely not,” Remus said, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth. It would do Sirius good to keep having to put in a little effort. “Still interested?”

“Fuck yes,” Sirius said, pulling Remus into another kiss. “If we get a good grade on the project will you be my boyfriend?”

“We’re guaranteed to get a good grade,” Remus informed him, nipping playfully at Sirius’ lower lip. “I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

“Well then?” Sirius asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at Remus.

“Yes,” Remus agreed to their proposed deal, sealing it with a kiss. Even though they were going to get a good grade on it, Remus knew Sirius would continue to work extra hard on it for Remus. Renowned trouble maker Sirius Black was going to put in effort into something school related because of Remus - because he wanted Remus. It was the best thing that had ever happened to Remus in his life.

And if the project took twice as long to finish, because they couldn’t help interrupting their work to snog each other, well that was pretty spectacular as well.

#wolfstar #i write things #modern day au #high school au #sirius black x remus lupin #long post #anon prompt #fluff

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

Text

Psycho Analysis: Hol Horse

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

So last year I thought it was a good idea to try and review all of the enemy Stand users in Stardust Crusaders in a totally random order. The results were… mixed. Some of them I think came out okay, but others? Not so much. One of them was just an entire backhanded attack against some guy who decided to say “No one likes your analyses” because I think ProJared was a creep. It was, quite frankly, a mess, and I never bothered to revisit it and never thought I would, even though I still hadn’t covered the glorious, wonderful human being who is Hol Horse.

Well, now, after playing Heritage for the Future and All-Star Battle as well as just becoming a bit more knowledgeable on JJBA, I’ve decided to not only give Hol Horse his dues, but also at least briefly go back over or cover the other Stand users and give them a rating or an updated rating, as the case may be. So buckle in, this is gonna be a long one, and it’s all gonna start with everyone’s favorite incompetent henchman.

Hol Horse is probably one of the most amazing characters Araki has ever created. Hol Horse is in possession of a powerful Stand, The Emperor, which is literally a magical gun that fires bullets he can control the trajectory of. By all accounts, Hol Horse should be the single most dangerous foe that the Crusaders face, more than even Vanilla Ice. This guy should be able to shoot them all dead without a second thought! There’s just one tiny little caveat:

Hol Horse is a fucking moron.

This man is cowardly, incompetent, and just the punching bag of cruel misfortune as all his plans constantly go awry and he is constantly knocked on his ass. And yet, Hol Horse is still the most beloved enemy Stand User of Stardust Crusaders, and it’s not hard to see why. Because despite all of his bumbling, Hol Horse just oozes a sort of cool you just don’t see every day.

(For best results, listen to this the whole time while reading the following).

Motivation/Goals: Hol Horse is one of the few henchmen of DIO who is motivated purely by his own greed… at least, at first. Eventually he has his ass handed to him one too many times, and he decides to try and assassinate DIO. This goes about as well as you’d expect, and Hol Horse – not just part of it, the ENTIRE Horse – is so scared out of his mind that he decides, yep, loyalty to DIO is the way to go! It doesn’t work out, but hey, he tried, right?

Performance: Imami Williams gives Hol Horse that raspy, American charm he needs in the anime adaptation. With his voice and the animation combined, we get to see our favorite smarmy sharpshooter who can’t shoot for shit shoot his shot and miss every time, and it is simply glorious.

Final Fate: Hol Horse kidnaps Boingo and forces him to work with him to finally get his revenge! With the prophetic skills of Thoth and the raw damage that can be done with Emperor, there’s no way they could lose! And yet, as is always the case with Thoth, things go horrendously awry and Hol Horse, despite having the ability to control the trajectory of his bullets, ends up shooting himself and knocking him out of part 3 for good.

Best Scene: Really, just the entirety of the episodes where he teams up with Boingo, especially when he tries holding up Polnareff. Considering what comes after and what came before it, it’s just the dose of lighthearted fun needed before you watch all of your favorite characters get brutally murdered by DIO and Vanilla Ice,.

Best Quote: There is only one line it could be, and it’s Hol Horse’s response to Thoth’s suggestion he kick a woman in the neck: “Listen, Boingo... I am the nicest man in the world. I have girlfriends everywhere. I might lie to a woman, but I'll never hit them! It doesn't matter how ugly they are! Because I respect women!”

That’s right, everyone. Hol Horse drinks Respect Women Juice.

Final Thoughts & Score: Hol Horse is simply astounding. The character is such a colossal screwup that he shouldn’t be as good as he is… yet he is. The dude is gifted with the most incredible power imaginable, and yet somehow he is never able to do a goddamn thing with that power! You control where the bullets go, dude! How can you not hit anything?! It’s interesting how his cowardice and lack of motivation makes him a perfect representation of the inverted Emperor tarot card, but hey, tarot motifs are par for the course with the Stand users.

But there’s something charming to how pathetic Hol Horse is. He’s always plying second banana, he’s a dirty coward who turns tail and runs when things aren’t looking good for him, he never wins a single battle, he didn’t even kill the one guy it seemed like he killed… but throughout it all he still has this sort of smarmy charisma to him that makes him impossible to hate. It’s no wonder this guy has girls all over the world, because he is a world-class charmer. There’s also how Hol Horse is just a character who really, really lives by his own personal philosophy – that is to say, he always likes to be #2, never going into a fight without backup. It’s kind of refreshing to see him always stick by this, even to his own detriment; it’s hard to hate a man who’s principled to that degree. And, of course, this man respects women. Good on him.

It helps that Hol Horse’s inexplicable popularity has led to him getting his time to shine in outside media. Heritage for the Future has two versions of him, his regular form and one that partners him with Boingo, and in skilled hands his Emperor finally gets to live up to its deadly potential. And he’s no slouch in his return appearance in All-Star Battle, and what’s more impressive is in that game he is part of the base roster while Joseph and Iggy, two of the main heroes, are relegated to DLC! You heard me right: the bumbling cowboy who did not win a single fight or even come close to it and spent a lot of time shooting himself managed to beat out out two iconic heroes from the same part onto the roster! Horsey Man must be doing something right.

As this video shows, Hol Horse is one of the most influential characters in the JJBA franchise, having helped to shape the franchise going forward and helped to inspire the traits that made beloved characters like Guido Mista, Gyro Zeppeli, and Yoshikage Kira as legendary as they are. Hell, Hol Horse is just so awesome he almost got to be a protagonist, but Araki decided that Horsey was too similar to my favorite big-titty Frenchman, Polnareff. This means Hol Horse never got his time to shine as a hero, and so stayed a villain til the end… but hey, can he really be that sad if he gets a 10/10 on Psycho Analysis?

Actually, maybe he wouldn’t like that. He likes to play second fiddle to others, after all. But I guess that’s just the curse with these JoJo villains who want to not stand out; they always end up being the best and most memorable characters.

Anyway, now that we’ve got the best of the best out of the way, it’s time for...

Psycho Analysis: DIO’s Other Henchmen

I’m just gonna give my brief thoughts on these guys. Most of them are pretty one-note oneshots, but there are a few who rise above that and manage to be something else entirely. These guys were a learning experience for Araki, and his enemy Stand users of the week definitely improved with later parts, with Vento Aureo really cranking it up to 11.

But for now, we’re stuck with these guys.

Gray Fly: I actually stand by my opinion from my original review of him; he’s nothing incredibly memorable, but he’s a solid start to the adventure and he is directly responsible for diverting the journey onto the course it ended up going on. Without him, things would have likely played out far differently. A 5/10 is still a good score for him.

Fake Captain Tenille: He actually gets bumped down to a 2/10, due to my changes in how things are scored. He’s not amusing enough to be in the “So bad it’s good” category of the other 3s, he’s just really lame and forgettable, and he still somehow manages to lose when he has the advantage. What a dweeb.

Forever: If you think the monkey boat fight is dropping in score, you’re mistaken. Forever remains at an 8/10 for being such a delightfully weird curveball that helps set the tone for the franchise to follow.

Devo: One of the weirder playable character choices from Heritage for the Future, and certainly not one I like too much; he’s also a random event that is pretty useful in All-Star Battle’s online campaign, so that’s a good mark for him. If nothing else, he gave a good showing of Polnareff’s skills when under pressure, so… yeah. I think a 5/10 is good enough.

Rubber Soul: This review I regret because I was backhandedly responding to that guy who weirdly decided to bring up my distaste for ProJared in a review of Arabia Fats and Kenny G. I do mostly stand by what I said; Rubber Soul is one of the more amusing minor foes, if only because of his ridiculous performance as Kakyoin. Still, it really sucks he was just a clone character in Heritage for the Future… put he gets points for having the iconic cherry-licking as a taunt. 6/10 is where he remains.

J. Geil: Again, my opinion hasn’t changed: J. Geil is a mountain of wasted potential, but at the very least he makes for a good antagonist for his brief appearance and hey, he’s the one who helped bring us the beautiful hunk of man that is Hol Horse, so I’d feel bad giving him less than a 7/10.

Nena: I honestly think Nena is one of the most boring Stand users of the part, which is sad because her episode gives Joseph the spotlight. She’s just really gross and uninteresting, and you’ll likely forget her after her episode is over. 2/10.

ZZ: ZZ is not particularly great, and his design is just there to be a joke, but it’s hard to totally hate a guy who manages to roll references to Christine, Duel, and the album cover for Eliminator by his namesake into one. I think he’s more of a 4/10, but probably on the higher end there. He’s not great, but he has enough going for him to keep me from hating him.

Enya: So if I thought that J. Geil was a waste of potential, I feel this even more so for his mother Enya. Despite being hyped up as this big, intimidating right-hand woman to DIO early on, she gets one appearance where her Stand is defeated by Star Platinum pulling a power out his ass and then is unceremoniously killed by Steely Dan of all people. I will give her this: her interactions with Polnareff are absolutely hilarious. But when all you have going for is some jokes, don’t be surprised when you end up with a 6/10, which you’re pretty much only getting because even despite the mountains of wasted potential you’re really not that bad.

She do be looking hot in the OVA tho.

Steely Dan: My opinion is unchanged; he’s a solid 7/10 oneshot douchebag. Nothing more, nothing less. His level in the PS1 game seriously blows, though.

Arabia Fats: I was too hard on this guy. While I meant everything I said, and his episode is boring filler, does it really make him a bottom of the barrel all-time worst villain? No. It just makes him a crappy joke character. 2/10.

Mannish Boy: I regret not getting to this guy last time, because aside from Forever he’s probably one of the most insane Stand user of the part, seeing as he is an infant. Like, he’s just an evil baby who can kill people in their dreams. And he gets defeated by being force fed his own crap. Much like Forever, it’s fun to speculate where exactly DIO found this guy; did he just go to a nursery and start jabbing babies with the Stand arrow? Did he meet this guy at a Cairo night club? What exactly is Mannish Boy’s origin? He’s just so utterly and hilariously inexplicable. He’s definitely a 7/10; he doesn’t quite have the shock factor that Forever did before him, but let’s not pretend an evil talking baby Stand user isn’t one hell of a weird twist.

Cameo: This guy really lives up to his name; his Stand is the one that gets the most screentime, with the actual Stand user being relegated to a – you guessed it – cameo appearance at the end of the fight. Thankfully, his Stand is an enjoyable take on jerkass genies and gives a pretty sad and disturbing episode that not only features my man Polnareff, but also marks the point where Avdol returns and brings “Hell 2 U!” I think he deserves at least a 7/10, even if this is mainly for Judgment. Still, a Stand is a representation of the user’s soul, so I think it works out.

Here’s the Stand:

And here’s the man behind it:

Midler: Midler is one of the single most interesting characters from the pre-Egypt half of Stardust Crusaders, and is the point where Stand users really started to get interesting. Her Stand, High Priestess, has a really funky and unique design, and her battle serves as the final roadblock before the Crusaders arrive in Egypt. Despite never appearing onscreen, with only her unconscious body being shown at the end of the fight in a way that obscures her, she got to appear in Heritage for the Future with an awesome sexy belly dancer design and a badass moveset that makes her a really fun character to play as. Taking everything into account, I think she just barely scrapes into the bottom of the 8/10 pool, though really this is mainly for her playable appearance.

N’Doul: My opinions really haven’t changed on him. He’s still an 8/10.

Oingo & Boingo: These guys are, in a word, hilarious. In between the grueling, brutal fight with N’Doul and the later fights in the part, these guys bring some much needed levity to the proceedings. Oingo gets an entire episode where he just completely bumbles about as he attempts to impersonate Jotaro to assassinate the Crusaders, failing at every turn and only managing to blow himself up in the end. Boingo fares a little better, eventually getting roped in to Hol Horse’s scheme to get some revenge, which leads to one of the funniest episodes of the entire series as Hol Horse and Oingo hold up Polnareff. I think they collectively get an 8/10 for being two of the funniest Stand users in the part. They even get their own unique end credits in the anime (with Hol Horse joining in on the fun when he teams up with Boingo)!

Anubis: Again, my opinion is unchanged, though I must say him having technically three playable appearances in Heritage for the Future does make me have at least a little more fondness for him. Black Polnareff, Chaka, and Khan are all amusing characters to play as and all have some awesome theme music. Introducing the concept of Stands being able to exist independently of their Original user is pretty neat, as well as the idea of a Stand that can switch users like it does. 7/10 is still what I’d give it, but I think that it’s pretty telling that this is probably the “weakest” character in the Egypt arcs in terms of being a villain, and yet he’s still pretty cool.

Mariah: Completely unchanged. She still deserves an 8/10, because her episode is hilarious, her playable appearance in Heritage for the Future is a blast, and she’s just really frikkin’ hot. I’m not gonna lie, she’s probably my second favorite enemy Stand user out of the Egyptian ones. I may or may not want her to step on me.

Alessi: I’m going to be honest here: Alessi is my favorite of the Egyptian Stand users. He’s an ax crazy coward with pedophile undertones who is just an utterly demented and sick individual with a seriously intriguing Stand that de-ages its victims. It’s a damn shame he never crossed paths with Joseph and de-aged him, but when he’s just such a hilarious and hateable lunatic with an incredibly fun playable appearance in Heritage for the Future (complete with awesomely creepy theme music!) it’s hard for me to give Alessi anything less than a 9/10. Attaboy!

Daniel J. D’Arby: My opinion is honestly unchanged, but I think I’d bump him down to an 8/10.

Pet Shop: Again, unchanged really. It’s hard to give a character as busted as he is in Heritage for the Future anything less than a 9/10 any way you slice it.

Telence T. D’Arby: Opinion unchanged, 8/10. I don’t have much else to say here, besides Xander Mobus rocks.

Kenny G: See Arabia Fats above. I got irrationally mad over a dumb joke character. He’s not going above a 2/10, but he’s not worth really getting mad about.

Vanilla Ice: I still think he’s the only enemy Stand user besides Hol Horse who deserves his 10/10. My opinion of him remains unchanged, but I would like to say he’s easily one of my favorite characters to play as in All-Star Battle.

Nukesaku: Ok, he’s not an enemy Stand user, he’s just some weird vampire… zombie… thing. Still, I feel he’s at least worth briefly mentioning, if only because he’s probably the only easily-defeated joke villain Araki did from the first three parts who is particularly memorable. Wired Beck and Doobie are really not all that memorable, but Nukesaku at least elicits a few chuckles – he even gets cameos in Heritage for the Future as well as getting to be a stage hazard in All-Star Battle. For what he is, I think he deserves a 5/10.

And with all these enemies taken care of, that just leaves one more Stand user to talk about.. one whose Psycho Analysis has been sitting in my drafts for a year now...

#Psycho Analysis #Hol Horse #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Stardust Crusaders #Imami Williams

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munchies-for-thought · 4 years

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The reason your favorite character is flawed and how it changed how I saw my life

Jun 18, 2020

Context: I’m a huge fan of the anime “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure”. (Reading Part 6 pls don’t spoil kthx bai). Don’t worry. You don’t even have to know about anime to get my message. It’s just the example closest to me.

The revelation behind each flaw

Rohan Kishibe is a character that is incredibly talented as a manga artist. He is so obsessed in his craft that he goes to terrifying and ethically questionable extents to get inspiration for his stories. Sometimes a villain, sometimes a hero. His art is everything for him. Well worth risking his or someone else’s life. He is generally a good guy, and wishes good upon the world. He just won’t go out of his way to make it happen. He is also defeated almost immediately after we meet him.

Rohan Kishibe is indeed one of my favorite characters of all times for a multitude of reasons, yet when describing him, he clearly is a flawed character. Yet this is NOT about him. While you read this blog, please think on the coolest fictional character you can think of. Do you have one in mind? Can you answer the following about your favorite character?

Has your favorite character failed?

Has he been hurt badly?

Are some things out of his control?

Do most people in his world generally understand the struggle they go through?

You’ll see when comparing with friends that we mostly agree on these answers even when thinking on different characters. The interesting truth lies in the common factor behind these answers, and learning a bit from the power of good storytelling.

One of the most precious things that I have gained from playing videogames, watching anime and playing Dungeons & Dragons all my life, is the first-hand knowledge of the power of a good story. Although it is in the HOW you make a good story, where I found this revelation that helped me so much.

What I am trying to say might be simple and even obvious when read, but not truly understood. If you bear with me a bit longer, I will attempt not to say, but to explain. I’ll show you the building blocks of how I learned so you truly understand as I did.

Dungeon and Dragons’ Character Backgrounds

The first time I made a new character in Dungeons and Dragons (Drow Elf Bard btw) I was blown away when I found out that whereas you get to pick from options that greatly impact your likelihood of winning, you also had to pick background and personality options that held no significant impact on your success.

You could choose to be a triumphant noble, a devote acolyte, a successful guild merchant or even a lying charlatan. Hell, if you wanted to you could even pick an orphan who had lost it all in the edgiest way known to man!

The book was also quite good at giving you specific quirks that brought that character to life. All of this happened because D&D is focused on group storytelling. Everyone wants your character to be interesting so their adventure gets 10x cooler when their complex characters interact with yours in intriguing and unexpected ways.

For example:

The secret beauty behind flaws

I was just a tad... confused. I had to chose a flaw? Why would I want to do this? All of these options look just like ugly parts of your character’s personality and could easily affect them negatively within the story.

Was this a balancing feature? A rule simply put there to make you less awesome, so no one is too overpowered? I just could NOT wrap my head around it. I couldn’t understand how this could make things fun. They were ruining my character.

It was until I started maturing as an individual and learned more about game design and storytelling that I started to appreciate how genius that was. No one cares for the story of perfect, bland, basic individuals who always succeed and have never made mistakes before. Because that is not real, it doesn’t work for an interesting story if there’s no sadness. If there’s no pain, you can just simply look away.

It was to be expected of the game designers of the best roleplaying game in the world to know that having flaws, failures, challenges, weaknesses, mistakes, all of them are ESSENTIAL for a great story to be told!

Was there a moment in your favorite character’s story where his failures and his pain made you love them on a whole new level? Aren’t those failures what drives your characters to become who they are? Would it be a better story if they had always succeeded?

So who is this Rohan Kishibe and, as an artist, what is his take on good storytelling?

Rohan’s Philosophy

Not only is Rohan a good example of a flawed character, but he also has a very interesting philosophy. He is a famous and wealthy manga artist. You’ve got to understand that, to Rohan, his craft is EVERYTHING. It is the thing he does best and what defines him.

Let me just show you one quote of his, so you understand his artistic philosophy:

“Reality is the energy that breathes life into a piece of work, and reality itself is entertainment. People often think that manga are drawn from imagination and fantasy, but that’s not actually true! For me, drawing something that i’ve experienced, or something that has moved me, is what makes it interesting!”

His pursuit for inspiration is so great, that he constantly goes to insane lengths to gain inspiration. This unrelenting desire is why he was originally a villain. Yet even when the protagonist defeated him, all Rohan could think of was of how this set of unfortunate and unlucky events was within itself a hell of a REAL story to use as inspiration. He saw value even in his misfortune as long as it was honest, untapped, unadulterated and pure reality. That’s his trade secret as a famous and successful storyteller.

Understanding reality, storytelling and our identity

Warning: We’re about to get metaphysical. You might wanna take that bong hit right now. You’ve been warned.

Talking about reality is like opening Pandora’s box. It is such a massively complex topic that before we can even get to the nitty-gritty of it, let’s just agree on the following for the sake of this conversation:

Depending on how skeptic you are, reality could be mostly subjective or arbitrarily objective. So just follow my lead on this one and match your understanding with mine at least while you read this blog.

NO ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSES OR REALITIES

Fate is merely the belief that there is a predestined way things will happen no matter what. Since its only requirement is also its only consequence, (which is also impossible to prove) then even thinking on fate is pointless or even harmful to an individual as it removes agency from himself and turns him into a bystander in his own life.

Facts are limited to the provable physical world. If you can’t prove it, you don’t KNOW it is real, but you could still believe it to be real.

Our understanding of ourselves, comes partly from how others perceive us and their own subjective view of reality.

As mere humans we don’t completely control reality, but we control how it affects us.

Your own experiences and passions have a gargantuan influence on your interpretation of reality.

Storytelling could be simplified as “the way in which reality is described”.

Changing how you tell a story doesn’t change the facts.

That last one sounds a bit anticlimactic doesn’t it? Specially since we’ve talked so much about storytelling just to find out it can’t change reality. You might even wonder if its uses are only limited to art?

Fret not! This is where it all starts coming together.

My story

Before you disregard storytelling as just an art form, or an overglorified logbook, let’s think outside of the box and take a few leaps with me. Let me show you when was it that it clicked for me:

“Just when the COVID-19 lockdown was about to begin, I was at one of my lowest. I’ve always been someone very adamant on living life as he sees best. Even when friends or family wouldn’t understand my decision, I would still pursue my own path. I was proud of this and felt it made me immune to what other people thought. Yet, years of failed relationships were starting to make me doubt myself.

After an emotional breakdown at Denny’s after being stood-up (Great story for another day) I started worrying that the problem might be me. I’ve always been open to feedback as long as it makes sense to me in a logical way, but I had built so much thought behind who I was, that I didn’t even consider that maybe, I was more flawed than what I had originally assessed.

Maybe if all these bad things kept happening to me, there was a constant behind it all. Judging by the fact that these happened throughout the span of years and with different people, it was only reasonable to assume I was the only constant. Maybe my relationships, both in love and in friendship, were failing not because of individual and complex reasons, but because I was involved in all of them.

Maybe I just won’t build close friends or a family, but I guess I can still find a way to enjoy life. It’s just a lonely life, a very lonely life, but it’s best to face reality head on. That’s what I have always taught myself, right? It would be foolish not to do so when the answer is an inconvenient one. It’s still reality. Better get used to it I guess.”

Wow, that went to a very dark place didn’t it? It’s crazy looking at it in retrospective, but while it happened, it really felt like that was just the facts. I sucked at friends and love. That was just the cold hard reality to me. I mused:

“It’s like if I was a D&D character with low charisma doomed to suck at social encounters... “

and then a sudden realization froze me to the core...

Even if by mere accident, I ended up thinking of myself as a D&D character. Remember all that talk about flawed characters? Well, what if I would see myself as a flawed character? We already agreed that the best characters fail, struggle, suffer, cry, rage, and they make mistakes!

It’s like I had opened a whole new dimension that brought new light into who I was. Those weren’t horrible memories of things that broke me down and I wish no one would ever find out anymore. Those were just wild chapters on the bizarre adventure that is my life. These are badges of honor of what my very own story is!

Storytellers are already influencing your reality

I won’t stand here and tell you that everything bad happens for a good reason. Please be careful not to take the wrong message out of this. That wasn’t what I realized at that moment. I finally was able to see that there were two storytellers that had been affecting me all my life, and I hadn’t really seen their influence before!

Let me unmask these two powerful beings that through their storytelling, had changed my reality.

Powerful Storyteller #1 - Those close to you

Did you notice how the story that I was listening from my friends and love interests was sounding aggressively negative towards my self-value? I thought I didn’t care but I was indeed interpreting my life through their stories.

Since we already understand that we each have our own interpretation of life, good and wrong, then it’s not that hard for us to understand that we will never fully agree on what’s cool. Some of us love things that most people don’t even understand. So when they talk to you, they are inadvertently telling you a story about how you’re weird, instead of fascinating.

If only you could have friends or people who DID understand you, then maybe the stories about you would be seen in a much more positive light. It’s not your friends fault for not understanding, you were just asking something unreasonable from them.

Get yourself surrounded by those who are weird like you. You’ll notice that for the right crowd, you’re just the coolest person just for being who you are. That feeling is just invigorating in every sense.

Powerful Storyteller #2 - Yourself

Back in my story, you can see how I took a lot of my own “interpretations” as “facts” or even “reality” when I told myself my own story. You could have just as well told my same story but in a different way with a much more positive light:

“My relationships did fail, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on my self-worth. I can continuously fail but love the fact that I’m the type of character that is still hopeful and positive even after repeatedly failing and suffering pain each time.”

It’s important you understand what makes you cool as a character. Because it is your job to tell yourself the story of who you are, what you’ve done, and who you will be. You have already been doing so for as long as you can remember, so you don’t even notice it anymore. You are STILL, to this day, re-telling yourself your story and changing how you feel about some parts of it.

What can we do about it?

So if you already are in charge of such a crucial and delicate task, why don’t you apply what we’ve learned so far? Can’t you see how you as the audience (from your own storytelling) would feel when seeing your main character in emotional pain? Don’t you feel empathy and love towards it because of all it has struggled?

You have the power to choose whether or not you will tell your story as the sad log of things you suck at, or as the crazy adventures of someone who’s just trying to do their best. Someone who is AWESOME because you do understand why he gets so excited when talking about that thing, and why he is so disappointed that that other thing didn’t work out again.

Those dark painful memories are beautiful crystallizations of true art! You already have what Rohan Kishibe is willing to kill to get. You already have an amazing REAL story, you now just have to use your storytelling skills to make yourself some justice, and talk about yourself like the amazing character you are when you tell that story to yourself next time you go to sleep.

At least when it comes to my story, well, the only reason why I would ever even think of writing a blog this long, is because I’ve changed the way I tell my story. I firmly believe that most people will never even have the opportunity to read this, but I have also seen value in these thoughts even if there’s no one besides myself who will listen to my story. If anything, at least I hope my story helps you love your character a bit more, just how I have learned to truly appreciate mine.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to my story. I would always love to hear yours.

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