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ash-says · 9 days

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Being in touch with your sensuality:

On today's episode of ash-says we are going to talk about how to get in touch with your sensuality. Personally it's something I am very passionate about and kind of indulgent too.

Sensuality helps me in feeling alive and in tune with myself. I can't guarantee it for everyone but for me it works wonders. It's like the "Amrut" or "rejuvenating water" (for a lack of better terms) for me. Along with that it's the most healthy way for expressing my sexuality and keeping it in control to not let it affect my day to day functioning.

Here are some ways I incorporated in the last five years of my life to be in touch with my sensuality:

1) Exercise: No matter what I am going to vouch for this always. The way it helps me in expressing the surplus energy and controlling my desires is a chef's kiss. Plus helps in tackling the sluggish feeling.

2) Dance: Especially the slow sensual seductive dance. Not only it's a good outlet but above all that it validates the emotions and creates a space to delve in it to create a beautiful synchronisation with the body movements.

3) Art: Create! Create! Create! Nothing better than creating beautiful art or writing poems, stories,etc to voice your passion for the world and it's offerings.

4) Music: I have playlists on Spotify that specifically cater to my sensual mood. It has all the songs that can set a tone for the bedroom (iykyk). Singing to it or dancing works wonders. It's a magical experience.

5) Meditation: You can meditate on those feelings to internalize it and put all that energy in proper use for achieving a goal,etc. This is something I very rarely do because I am a very active person but putting it out here cause it works for some people.

6)Play Barbie: This is my personal favourite. After all I am just a girl. I put on some makeup, wear a bold sexy outfit or a cute dress (depending on the mood) then spend my time reading a romance novel and listening to sensual songs. It's my kind of therapy🦋🦋

7) Be a model: Being all dressed up but not clicking any photos you got to be kidding me!!! Come on girl! Pose and click! You are not going to be this young again. The best thing I do is this. It literally helps in skyrocketing my confidence. I don't click pictures daily but boy when I do, God forbid!!

8) Unlearn the shame: The basic one. You need to own your body first and appreciate it. I know saying is easy but hey you won't get there if you never start.

9) Imitate things that you find sexy: I will explain this with an example, so I find laying on the bed on my chest with my legs dangling in the air extremely sexy so when I am alone I will lie on the bed in that way as a way of expressing. Secondly, we all know sipping wine while reading a book is incredibly sexy while being dressed all slutty but I don't consume alcoholic beverages so as an alternative I drink pomegranate juice. Plus I find pomegranate as the sexiest fruit for obvious reasons.

10) Invest in things that make you feel sensual and seductive: It doesn't need to be costly. Find your sexy and invest!! For me it's aroma candles, jewellery, deep neck tops, skirts, ribbons, art honestly I have developed a knack to turn any ordinary thing into something seductive atp I feel. Everything works for me. So exploreeee!! If you are experimental enough and don't have parental risks you can try out sex toys too.

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

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intersectionalpraxis · 4 months

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I just emailed the United Nations Women's Office in Geneva, Amnesty International, Oxfam Canada, and Doctors Without Borders (MSF) about the lack of period care in Gaza. It is frustrating to see that international organizations have not set up a fund specifically to help Palestinian people who need this. Having one resource to help with this shortage, Motherbeing, is not enough for millions of people.

Period care is health care. I don't want anyone to tell me that emailing international organizations about this is either silly or not important because not having adequate access to this can cause serious health ramifications -from infections to illnesses and later reproductive health issues.

Pregnant women in Gaza are also continually suffering right now -of the thousands of women that were supposed to give birth over these past few months -they have not had safe and consistent access to care during their trimesters. I have spoken about this before -but we need to keep amplifying this issue as well.

Women's health in Gaza has been under under crisis for a while now, and we KNOW this is part of a zionist's larger agenda -to attack women and children especially because they see them as some of the greatest threats. So please do what you can -send those emails, call your representatives/MP's and demand a ceasefire. Demand more than adequate medical care -which includes period care -reach those in Gaza who need it.

Original post where Hind Khoudary is reporting:

To say I'm bitter-sweetly fortunate my TL has been full of feminists talking about Palestine -while at the same time I have seen a plethora publicly turn away, ignore, or remain silent on it because of money or greed or worry about their social or financial capital (celebrities and 'influencers' -we know who you are) -I'm just embarrassed for them.

When I first started my journey into feminism as a first year well over a decade ago (and as someone who used to be ignorant about so many things until I started my process of learning/unlearning/educating myself) -I am resoundingly grateful for that beginning. Being able dig into intersectional theory, listening to activists from all around the world about their struggles, passions, and efforts to liberation -and I still continue to do so.

Reading about the importance of decolonization in tandem with dismantling the heteropatriarchal capitalist machine -I always know the importance of solidarity and ally ship as a result of years of study -because the power IS with the people -and our voices do matter -the system, time and again, wants you to believe you don't. And for those feminists who aren't using their platforms or voices to encourage and demand a ceasefire -or any and all ends of systemic oppression -you have blood on your hands. Feminist and women's movements aren't meant to be something you cherry pick.

So do the bare minimum, or don't call yourselves feminists.

I also don't have a 'template' per-say, since I just wrote them out individually and edited them, but if anyone wants to me post something generic so they can make their own to send to these organizations please let me know.

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pamicakery · 7 days

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₊✩‧₊˚౨How to manifest Sp ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Okay... I will tell you a success story of mine, when I manifested a crush.. Who was about to become my boyfriend and... That you must be really careful about what you want.

It was when I was 16, and I had this crush on this guy let's call him Wolfie. Firstly we became friend because we were in the same group of friend so during class we used to hang out together. I grew up fond of this guy, he was sarcastic, funny and single.

At night I would draw ourselves being lovers, listening to music and making imaginary Music videos about us. Writing stories about him being my crush in them and everytime I saw a cute couple I told myself '' Hehe it gonna be us''.

Times to times he used to hang out with others girls, and I got jealous many times but I was persisting in the fact that he was my boyfriend.

Everytime we had an interaction, I would repeat Thoses scenes on loop,and draw the scene of it. The idea of us not being together was out of my mind.

Every scene I envisioned came true :

I visualized and drew us talking via text messages ➡️he asked for my number the next day

I drew us talking together during a class assignment ➡️we worked together for that class assignment and I even drew us get married.

Him sitting next to me in class ➡️he did.

We were at a point that we even had lunch together, going back home together. We were always together.

But it was too much for me, I started to complain that we were too much together and guess what? I didn't had time to breathe.

Sometimes I wanted to be alone, he was there. During the field trip, the guy came in my bedroom. (Nothing happened don't worry, but I scripted this). He even asked me out and invited me to drink milkshake... Like my first date... I was like '' noooo I don't '' but I said yes because I was about to have a milkshake for free.

I didn't know about '' manifesting '' back then, I was just imagining us being together. And it reflected, not instantly but it took 1 or 2 weeks. Manifestation is very powerful and if you are not sure about what you want, it can be really scary.

But it's just a case, maybe I was too obsessed with him. Hehe but what you have to do is :

💖 PICK A STATE :

From now on you will identify as someone who's Sp is their boyfriend. Leave the 3d alone, (By the way I didn't know about 3d or 4d at that time.)

💖: EXPRESS THAT STATE WITHIN :

Draw, visualise, listen to music, write stories. You must train your brain and Show it that SP is your boyfriend with Internal proof and validation. (Look inside of your 4d's 3d because your 4d's 3d is reflecting a state of you already having and being this person) And at every positive interaction with SP, repeat it on loop in your mind.

💖 : IGNORE THE 3D :

My Sp used to hang out and smile with girls, and I was jealous about it. But in my head he was my boyfriend.

💖:IT'S POSSIBLE :

It's possible to attract Sp, don't put logic into it because love doesn't walk with logic. Keep that image of you being together, your brain and yourself will be used to it.

I know that sometimes tell ourselves that it's only imaginary. But really, don't put chains to yourself in your mind. You didn't had to take actions in your mind, you are already there, you are already with them.

Once again, don't seek validation in the 3d of lack. Seek validation within yourself. The year before that SP, I had a rejection from another SP, same the year prior. So... Actually I didn't even changed my self concept, I just imagined myself with that guy like any girl would do.

#loa tumblr #loassumption #robotic affirming #manifestation #law of assumption #loa assumptions #loa blog #affirming loa #affirm and manifest 🫧 🎀✨ ִִֶָ ٠˟#affirm and persist

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gatheringbones · 8 months

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other strategies the internal queerphobe will employ to get you to stop reading queer works:

“This isn’t you because you aren’t real”

hits young queer people who don’t really know who they are and what they want yet the hardest. the queer work gets subjected to the rest of whether or not they can “see” “themselves” in it— their exact gender and sexual identity, the exact way they experience attraction— and when they can’t “see” those things, that “lack” becomes an instrument for self-invalidation and self-harm.

I see it all the time. “I don’t see myself in this excerpt, which must mean I’m not valid, not real, and probably not really queer. I’m an imposter who doesn’t belong.”

#cw self harm

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joannechocolat · 2 years

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On media storms, and transphobes, and free speech, and the establishment.

(Dated 22nd August, 2022.)

Unless you were asleep last week, you’ll have noticed I made the news. I made the news a lot. The Daily Mail (twice); the Times (twice); the Telegraph; the Observer, plus radio and any number of online and international outlets, including UnHerd, where stories go to die.

The story has taken many forms. That J.K. Rowling feels “betrayed” by my “lack of support” for her: that my views on trans rights makes me ineligible for any public role; that people are calling for my removal from the Board of the SOA; that I’m a monster because I replied to a post from a satirical Twitter account with - shock, horror - a smiley.

I haven’t talked to anyone in the Press, in spite of many journalists asking, so this “story”, was taken from Twitter, where stories evolve at such a rapid rate that by the time they make the broadsheets, no-one really knows what shape the story started out at all.

But this is what it has become. I’ve been repeatedly (and wrongly) accused of a number of things, which when you unpick them, boil down to one thing. That as Chair of the Society of Authors (the authors’ trade union), I’ve abused my position to discriminate against people who don’t agree with my support of the trans community.

Full disclosure: this isn’t new. Ever since I was elected Chair in 2019, I’ve been getting increasing amounts of abuse, pressure and demands for “debate” from people with gender-critical views. Some of them are colleagues; some women I once considered friends. Some of these women now have become single-agenda tweeters, railing night and day online about what defines a woman, and spreading misinformation and fear about the trans community. Many of these women claim to be afraid, and to have suffered cancellation for their views. Some of them feel that as Chair of the SOA, I should have taken their side in Twitter debates, signed petitions, joined hashtags to validate their beliefs.

But here’s the thing. The SOA represents everyone. It has over 12,000 members. It needs to stay neutral to represent all its members equally. And it has a strict policy of non-intervention in Twitter debates between members, even when they get nasty, because Twitter can be a nasty place, and the SOA can’t be everywhere. That’s why I tweet in my personal capacity unless I specify otherwise.

The gender critical lobby has had real difficulty understanding this. Over the past two years, I’ve been under increasing pressure to “speak out” about individual cases (I can’t); ally myself with transphobes (I won’t) and “denounce” death threats to J.K. Rowling (which I do, but apparently not often enough.) Over the past two years I’ve received countless abusive tweets, urging me to kill myself, or resign from the SOA, or hoping that I would die of cancer, all from the gender-critical lobby.

The latest eruption began last week, with the stabbing of Salman Rushdie, a man whose life has been under threat since most of us can remember. Last Friday, an Islamist fanatic managed to get close enough to stab him, leaving him with terrible injuries. The literary world was shaken. Friends of Rushdie’s spoke out in horror. But those of us who only knew him for his books were also deeply shaken and upset. Because this wasn’t just a violent attack on an author, horrific though that may be. It was an attack on free speech, a principle all creators hold dear.

Free speech is a term that has been misused a lot recently, especially by people wanting their say, but denying it to others. In fact, free speech is like oxygen: you can’t remove it from someone else without also losing it yourself, which means that, if you believe in free speech, you can’t then go around deciding who deserves it and who doesn’t. Rushdie is a great writer. But even if the victim of the stabbing had been a minor writer, a bad writer, or a writer with problematic opinions, the same attack on free speech would have happened, threatening writers everywhere. The principle of free speech matters. And it matters to all of us.

I wrote about this a bit on Twitter, where many authors were still upset, struggling how best to respond to the horrific attack. Twitter being Twitter, there were also a number of angry Islamist accounts, crowing about the Rushdie attack and targeting anyone who expressed sympathy. Some were abusive, some even threatening. Several people I follow were sent messages on the lines of: Shut up or we’ll come for you next. I got one myself. So did J.K. Rowling. But on Twitter, size matters. What J.K. Rowling, with her 14 million followers, says is instant news. So when J.K. Rowling announced that she’d had a death threat from an Islamist account saying: You’re next, her name trended for two days, and Rushdie’s all-too-real attack was overshadowed by a Twitter threat.

Now, it isn’t up to me to decide whether the death threat was credible, or whether J.K. Rowling should be afraid. I don’t know how many threats she’s received, or how many she thinks are credible. Having had them myself, I know they can be upsetting and frightening. But a threat on Twitter is not the same as being stabbed in the eye, and I didn’t see the need to comment.

Instead I put up a poll, asking fellow-authors if they’d ever received a death threat. I wanted to use it as a way of talking about author safety. As it happened, Chuck Wendig had been posting about his latest death threat the day before Salman Rushdie was stabbed (a weirdly specific death threat, in which his correspondent expressed the hope that Chuck would be, er - raped to death by a dolphin), and the tone of my first poll reflected the jokey nature of our interchange. In the light of the Rushdie stabbing, though, I realized that wasn’t appropriate. I deleted the poll almost at once and started again with a more neutral wording, but the folk on Twitter who watch me for any ammunition they can use had already screencapped it and passed it around. It made the papers, variously as: Harris Mocks Rushdie or Harris Mocks Rowling, but I was doing neither. Death threats – to anyone, including J.K. Rowling – are absolutely wrong. They’re also a crime. Crimes are for the police to sort out. Free speech, however, is a legitimate principle for a union to uphold.

But free speech isn’t always the speech that you agree with. Free speech can be confrontational. It can be unfair. It can even be upsetting. I’ve upset a lot of gender-critical people with my own use of free speech; my refusal to join their hashtags, sign their petitions, enter their debates. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t believe in theirs, or that I wouldn’t fight for their rights as fiercely as for anyone else. But that has never been enough for the people who want me gone.

Since last week, the wave of people demanding my resignation – or just my removal – from the SOA has grown. Many of those who have joined the “debate” are not members. Many are not even authors. Nearly all are transphobes, though. Because that’s what all this is about. Not all gender critical people may be transphobes, but all transphobes are gender critical. Graham Linehan has been posting about me since 2020, calling for me to be dismissed. He doesn’t know what the SOA does. He doesn’t care. He’s just one of many prominent transphobes who believe that someone who believes in the rights of trans folk doesn’t deserve a voice of their own.

I have a trans son. He came out very recently, and I haven’t discussed it online. Last week, I discovered that some of my principal detractors had found out about this. After talking to my son, and with his permission, I went public. I love my son more than words can say, and I didn’t want anyone to think that I was ashamed of him. Kathleen Stock, among others, gloated that this was proof of my bias. She (rather chillingly) denounced me for having “undeclared trans-identified offspring,” and claimed that this was the “real” reason for my support of trans folk. Kathleen Stock finds it hard to believe that someone might uphold a principle without having a personal interest. Actually, I’ve been a supporter of trans rights for much longer than this. Like I said, I believe in supporting the rights of all marginalized groups.

So, just what are they saying now? That I’m jealous of JKR? I’m not. I love my life, and I love my son, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. That because of my pro-trans beliefs, I should be cancelled or lose my job? That would be ironic, wouldn’t it, coming from people who are claiming to have been cancelled for their gender-critical beliefs. And full disclosure; it isn’t a job. It’s an elected position, as part of a Board of twelve people. It’s voluntary, time-consuming, often thankless, and unpaid, and I do it because I care about authors’ rights. All authors’ rights; whether they’re famous of not; whether I agree with their politics or not.

But this assault isn’t going to stop. Given how many people pretend to be “fearful of speaking out”, they’re certainly doing a hell of a lot of it. I’ve had open attacks this week from a certain sector of the author community – all London-based, all cis, all white, all influential people (many of them men) with lots of friends in the right-wing media – saying that they are coming for me. One person compared it to the March of the Ents, going after Saruman. The literary establishment, is seems is desperately afraid of progress.

Here’s the thing, though. I’m stubborn. I’ve never fitted into the London literary scene, so the fact that it now feels the need to mobilize against me means very little to me. This week, I’ve had death threats, attacks in the media, and countless abusive messages. I don’t care. I’m not afraid. I was elected to this role to help protect authors’ rights. That means yours, whoever you are, and those of all other authors. If you’re a member of the SOA, then we have elections yearly. You too can stand for the Board, and be elected, and add your views to the diversity of views already expressed there. Till then, I’ll do what I’ve always done. Raise awareness of authors’ rights.

They grow us tough in Yorkshire.

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pharawee · 6 months

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I've seen a lot of interfans (and I in no way consider myself *not* an interfan - I'm definitely part of that audience) being confused and dissatisfied with the last episode of I Feel You Linger in the Air and - fair enough - that's a completely valid opinion to have and in no way wrong.

But I also keep seeing how that (completely valid) confusion and dissatisfaction is blamed on the show's storytelling and direction, and I honestly think that's a little unfair.

Leaving things open and unexplained doesn't make a story bad - especially if said story hasn't ended yet. It doesn't even make it unfinished.

And telling things in a way that many (international) fans aren't used to doesn't mean that the narrative is lacking. Because stories aren't really universal (even though, yes, the most beloved and successful stories are often built on motifs and themes that are fundamentally valued and understood across cultures). They rely on culturally shared norms and narrative cues that are inherently understood by the intended audience. Even the narrative flow and structure of a story varies wildly, with some cultures preferring meandering or circular narratives and lots of repetition and backtracking (case in point: the many, many flashbacks in Thai dramas).

I'm in no way an expert on Thai literature, but as someone with a degree in Cultural Sciences and (Socio-)Linguistics I'm very curious about examining cultural differences and how they shape who we are and why we do what we do (it's not a very exact science; we mostly just listen, record and bullshit talk a lot lmao). So when I read/watch a story and something doesn't add up for me (in an otherwise reasonably constructed narrative) I always assume that there's something I'm missing - not because the director/writer was sloppy or I'm too stupid to understand, but because I'm simply not picking up on the cultural breadcrumbs the narrative left for the audience to find and build upon.

And it's the same with IFYLITA's themes of reincarnation and karma and forgiveness, its lingering on certain themes and moments.

And, to be honest, sometimes it's best to take things at face-value and just accept what the narrative has given you. Maybe some things are meant to be puzzling and surprising. Maybe you're not supposed to be 100% sure about where the past and present versions of Yai come from; about who they are. Jom accepts them, isn't that enough?

That being said, it's an absolute outrage that Ming wasn't in the finale. I am devastated!!

#i feel you linger in the air #ifylita #jane watches stuff #bl meta #i'm really nervous to post this ehhhh #for an opinionated person i'm very unconfrontational lmao

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donutwatches · 5 months

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MHA 2.14 - Bizarre! Gran Torino Appears - part 3

This is my first time watching this show so no spoilers.

The thought process of a high school boy. Go jumpy jump = be cool. He is such a doofus here. I love him.

Deku’s parkour game still need a lot of work. Something that I love about shonen anime in general is the time the story gives to training. The hero’s are always shown putting in the hard work to earn their strength.

Me as f*ck. Every morning of my life as I drag myself out of bed feeling busted. However, Deku’s exhaustion is more valid since he has been hardcore parkour-ing all night long. Who knew that being like a bouncy ball would be the key to being the next #1 hero.

This had me snickering. I know it is not Gran Tostito’s intention, but my dirty mind cannot help it. I mean, All Might’s big buff body sure is a redeeming feature. And Deku’s face is too funny, like he can’t process All Might having flaws.

All Might’s predecessor? I NEED TO KNOW MORE RIGHT NOW! MHA loves to tease with little hints and then it makes you wait to find out. People have told me that I have to wait multiple seasons to learn certain things and I am DYING. I better not have to wait too long to get info on the predecessor.

This is it. His brain finally broke from the pressure. It was only a matter of time. RIP to Deku’s brain. F in the chat for Deku’s broken lil’ noggin. This is what lack of sleep and too much parkour gets you.

Ha! I have no comments this is just funny as hell. This show has pretty great humor in general. When this show was recommended to me initially I was told that it has fun characters and action, but no one told me that the comedy beats are pure fire.

Baby is having a breakthrough moment. He has been using OFA like a battering ram, just brute force, which works well for All Might, but it does not suit Deku’s abilities as much.

I am EXCITE! Deku has so much creative intelligence and I feel like him using OFA more strategically will have amazing results. I cannot wait to see how he develops his quirk if he internalizes the power as his own and develops his personal style. Not just copying All Might.

Click here for episode 15

Click here for the master list

#boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #mha #anime #deku #izuku midoriya #Midoriya #Izuku #gran torino

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hgejfmw-hgejhsf · 4 months

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2023 Writing Roundup

I had to scroll back pretty far to find the tags for this, so if I missed someone who did this already and tagged me, I'm sorry if I double tag you at the end! But thanks to @kiwiana-writes and @inexplicablymine for tagging me in this roundup post!

As the post is going to reveal, I, uh, only just got back into writing a few months back, after taking almost ten years off due to, honestly, a lack of inspiration. I'd lost my voice, and I didn't suspect I'd ever love anything enough to write again, until this little pink book came barrelling into my life in June, followed swiftly by a little Amazon Prime movie in August, and both changed my life forever.

So without further ado, here's my writing roundup for 2023:

January

Nada

February

Zilch

March

Nothin'

April

Not a damn thing

May

Nope, nothing here either

June

Keep right on going, my friends

July

29th - The Lake House The night following the election, Alex has a surprise planned for Henry. A chance to make some new history.

August

8th - What If I Do? What was Henry thinking when he left Alex at the lake house? What were the days that followed like for him before Alex showed up at his door and forced him to face not only Alex, but himself?

18th - Gravity The first time that Henry enters Alex's orbit, at the Melbourne Climate Conference, and all of their subsequent meetings leading to their "violent altercation" at the royal wedding. Inspired by a post about how Henry very pointedly chose not to shake Alex's hand in the receiving line after the wedding and what that could have meant.

19th - The Rope Henry's reaction to Alex nearly telling him that he loves him at the lake house in Texas.

19th - A brief spark of a moment: A Red, White & Royal Blue drabble collection These drabbles are simply my personal challenge to contain myself to 100 words when I've always been…long-winded.

20th - Retaliation Alex and Henry, now dating, attend another state dinner, where they're unexpectedly seated directly next to each other.

21st - Every Version Alex does a magazine photoshoot, and the day that the magazine arrives, he wants Henry to look at it first.

23rd - On my heart just like a tattoo Alex and Henry are married, and on the day of the ceremony, they decide to do something special.

23rd - Ghosts After Henry leaves the lake house, Alex does not go after him. He doesn't storm Kensington in a fit of pique to call Henry an "obtuse fucking asshole." Instead, the pair spend nearly a year apart, both wrecked and miserable, until they find themselves on the list of speakers for an international conference.

27th - Darkest before the dawn The immediate aftermath of Henry discovering the email leak in the movie-verse.

28th - When I taste tequila Henry’s drunk. If the growing mountain of empty shot glasses, drained and discarded lime wedges, and gritty layer of salt on the table in front of him are any indication, he’s very drunk. Only, his brain is having a difficult time catching on to the fact that he’s drunk. And when his brain is this far behind the rest of him, Henry tends to find himself in precarious situations, with no real conscious thought as to how he got there or how he might have avoided them.

September

4th - The Maldives Inspired by a conversation about the zoomed-in and transcribed article about Henry in People Magazine from the movie and how the photos look like they could have been faked.

After their conversation with the king and greeting the crowd at Buckingham Palace, Alex and Henry ride back to Kensington. Alex mentions that his offer to fly to the Maldives is still valid, and Henry admits that he's never been, which sparks a discussion about some of the lengths the crown would go to in order to convince the world that Henry was straight. Alex considers what Henry must have gone through, and the two of them discuss their past and how it might have been different.

11th - Modification to the map of you Henry comes back from a month-long trip with his ear pierced, and Alex has no idea.

14th - Et Max Laryngitis Alex gets laryngitis, and Henry decides to have a bit of fun at his expense.

23rd - How bizarro is that Alex gets food poisoning, and Henry takes care of him…sort of.

27th - Royal Assent “If the boyfriend of a prince of England fails English Legal History, you’ll be the one to blame,” Alex murmurs as Henry sucks a bruise on his neck. Henry had arrived home from the shelter to find Alex buried under a mountain of books, his glasses askew and his hair wild, wearing the same bewildered expression Henry had seen as he walked out the door earlier that morning.

As he climbs into Alex’s lap, jumping a little as a particularly sharp corner of a hardcover book pokes him in the arse, he can feel the tension in Alex’s shoulders relax, ever so slightly.

“You aren’t going to fail. In fact, I’m going to help you,” Henry says, each word separated by a kiss to Alex’s chest, neck, cheek, and finally lips.

Alex is trying really hard to study for a law school exam, and Henry takes it upon himself to...assist.

28th - 5 Times Henry Hated New Year's + 1 Time He Didn't “This is my curse,” Henry mutters, and Pez laughs across from him.

“You can hardly be responsible for the weather.”

“So the glaring fact that every single New Year’s Eve on record in my life has been an utter disaster means absolutely nothing to you?”

“We’re going to make it, so no, it means nothing to me,” Pez says with cheerful optimism despite the constant fluttering of white beyond the plane windows.

5 times throughout his life that Henry's New Year's countdown has been ruined, and 1 time that it isn't.

29th - Stars in the sky are the stars in my eyes The ding of a notification sounds in the otherwise silent living room. As Henry’s eyes continue to scan the page of his book, ignoring his phone, Alex can’t help but glance down at the illuminated screen between them on the couch.

“Is that…a horoscope?” Alex asks, immediately retrieving the phone to confirm his suspicions at the exact moment Henry grabs for it a beat too late. He watches the bright shade of red crawl up Henry’s neck to burn just beneath the skin of his ears.

“Perhaps,” is all he supplies, his voice muffled as he buries his face far too close to the book’s pages to realistically read anything written there.

***

Henry gets his daily horoscope, and Alex is intrigued, so Henry shows him the constellations.

30th - What started in beautiful rooms Henry’s never taken any extra care in his appearance when playing polo. Certainly, he’s given an adequate amount of time and effort to ensure that he appears composed, but the sport itself lends to a bit of chaos, between the pounding of hooves and the whipping of the wind in a frantic rush. It’s all incredibly…well, wild.

No, Henry’s never taken any extra care in his appearance when playing polo…except today.

Henry's point of view during the charity polo match.

October

1st - Do we still have forever? Alex has a sudden, serious allergic reaction, and Henry can't help but think about losing him.

2nd - Dear Dad I should start from the beginning, or rather, I should start by telling you how I got here, to this moment, writing you this letter.

Henry writes a letter to his father on his wedding day.

3rd - Liquor was the only love I'd known June finds them at some point and steals Henry away to gab at the bar. Alex watches them from afar, wondering what they could possibly be talking about that has June nearly falling off her barstool laughing, until the crowd overtakes him again.

3rd - Then came a baby boy with long eyelashes Following their initial spirited entrance into Alex's hotel room following the DNC, Henry asks Alex about his encounter with Miguel in the bar.

13th - Volume Control Prompt Fulfillment: I need someone to write a FirstPrince fic where Henry overhears Alex saying "Henry is so annoying I can't stand him" so Henry says "kneel then" and it short circuits Alex's brain.

20th - 5 Times Alex Made a Disney Movie Reference + 1 Time Henry Did Alex and Henry have watched a significant amount of Disney movies, and well, Alex tends to have questions.

20th - You can't escape this drying ink “There’s…a matter…that requires your attention, in the Red Room. I’d be happy to escort you there.” She glances sideways at Henry’s PPOs, who shift in place, readying themselves to follow where she leads. Henry nods again, uncertain what other options lie open to him even if he wished to take one.

Henry's thoughts at the state dinner as Amy leads him to the Red Room.

31st - Save a horse Alex convinces Henry to dress up as cowboys for Halloween and quickly realizes that Henry dressed as a cowboy was not something he was entirely prepared for.

31st - I'm not a robot without emotions, I'm not what you see At the royal wedding, Alex drinks and dances and contemplates both of the princes.

November

1st - The Candy Tax Ten-year-old Alex has invited his new friend Henry, who just moved to Texas from England with his family so that his movie star dad can be based in the US to shoot more movies, over for a sleepover the night before Halloween.

1st - Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all The mountains are on fire. Red, orange, and yellow leaves cover thousands of acres of land, and the peeking of the sun over the distant horizon illuminates the hovering fog, creating the illusion of a persistent fire burning brightly without causing any damage. Instead, it paints a masterful landscape for an early morning riser to gaze at as he sips at a cup of Earl Grey and marvels at the fact that this beauty is a sight he has somehow been blessed to see.

2nd - Heart enough "...there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement."

Instead of Alex flying to London, Henry is sent to D.C. to do the post Cakegate damage control just in time for Alex and June's annual Halloween party.

2nd - Life is a maze, and love is a riddle Alex, June, and Nora take Henry to his first haunted corn maze.

3rd - All at once, everything is different, now that I see you Alex throws out some possible suggestions for his and Henry's first ever couples Halloween costume, but Henry has something else in mind.

3rd - Halloween at Kensington The Fox-Mountchristen-Windsors may not be able to go out trick-or-treating like a normal family, but they can still celebrate Halloween in their own special way.

4th - No fear, no fences, nobody - no reins Henry takes Alex to a nearby farm outside Austin to teach him how to ride a horse. Eventually, they stop at a log cabin in the words for the night, and they decide to try another form of riding.

4th - I don't know why all the trees change in the fall Alex has had a terrible day. It's raining, it's cold, and he's absolutely miserable. All he wants to do is dry off and collapse in bed. But when he walks through the door, Henry is ready and waiting to take care of him. He even has a surprise that he's cooking up in the kitchen. And Alex gets to take a trip down memory lane.

5th - A-gourd-able “Oh, so that’s the reason you wanted a child so badly. Not for the opportunity to nurture and guide and love another human being that you helped to create, but for the perks of walking around to strangers’ homes asking for candy that our baby can’t even eat.”

Alex and Henry take their daughter trick or treating for the first time, and it's Henry's first time as well.

5th - I want to play a game Alex and Henry agree to watch all of the Saw movies to determine if one or both of them will end up too scared to continue. Do they make it through the series? Or does one of them give in and lose the wager that they've made?

5th - Barbecue Sauce "I want to see your mouth covered in barbecue sauce. And then, I want to lick it off."

6th - With magic soakin' my spine, can you read my mind? What happened after Alex, June, and Nora played their little HRH Prince Henry Fact Sheet drinking game? Well, in this version of events, Alex finds a mysterious bottle containing what appears to be a magic spell for "Clarity of Mind." As dumb as it seems, he does the ritual and reads the incantation and moves on, flying to London for damage control. But when he shakes Henry's hand, suddenly things change, and Alex realizes that maybe magic is real after all.

6th - Don't need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo (podfic included) Henry takes Alex on a trip to visit...a couple of old feathered friends.

6th - It's autumn in New York; it's good to live it again It's the first day of fall in New York, and Alex comes home from class with a special surprise for Henry.

6th - Reciting to the Waterloo Vase: Drabbles for the RWRDrabblePrompts Tumblr

13th - Wind me up, fill your cup like a river, drunk on watching me drown Henry sighs. "Is that the time you threatened to push me into the Thames?"

That time Alex threatened to push Henry into the Thames.

23rd - The injury of finally knowing you (a birthday present for @ships-to-sail) Henry's thoughts just before and immediately after the countdown to midnight on New Year's Eve.

23rd - Smutsgiving 2023 Alex's heart rate monitor on his Apple Watch alerts him to some strenuous activity…at the worst possible time.

December

1st - We need a little Christmas The one where I let a random Christmas word generator choose a drabble prompt for a Christmas advent. Enjoy!

20th - Four Christmases From Washington to Austin, London to New York, Alex and Henry spend Christmas with different members of their families from 2020 - 2023. Funny couples' Christmas sweaters, festive swimsuits, statement-making ties, and family pajamas all bring lots of laughs, some tears, and a bit of fun to be had by all along the way.

25th - Oh what a laugh it would have been When Alex dresses as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, their five-year-old daughter makes an extra special, last-minute Christmas wish.

AND

Alex leaves his Santa suit on for a private evening with Henry while everyone else is snug in their beds.

Unpublished but Completed

December 30th - Take Your Time A New Year's Eve AU set in New York City (and that's all I'm willing to give away...for now)

January 1st - NYE Gift Exchange Fic

Tagging all of my lovelies who may or may not have already done this (please ignore this if you have!): @adreamareads @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @duchessdepolignaca03 @gayrootvegetable @getmehighonmagic @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @indomitable-love @indestructibleheart @leaves-of-laurelin @leojfitz @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @magicandarchery @ninzied @priincebutt @read-and-write- @rockyroadkylers @roseharpermaxwell @ships-to-sail @songliili @ssmtskw @statueinthestonetoo @stereopticons @suseagull04 @thinkof-england @tintagel-or-cockleshells @user-anakin @vanillahigh00 @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @whimsymanaged @wordsofhoneydew

#my fics #my writing #2023 writing roundup #2023 year in review #my posts #here's to filling the first 6 months of the year with fics in 2024

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cosmichighpriestess · 3 months

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How to Fall in Love with Yourself and Attract your Soulmate.

We must give ourselves everything we need to be the best version of ourselves. A hard truth you must learn is that some people only want you when you are not loving yourself, some people only want you when you are toxic because that is what they are used to, they only want you when you are feeling not very confident, feeling insecure, low self esteem, needing external validation, when you beg for them and when you are not truly loving yourself. That makes it easy for them to disrespect you and use you. That makes more sense to them, than you being a healthy minded person with self respect and standards. If people want to deal with you then they have to understand you don't identify as the identity they assigned for you.

You must set high standards for yourself from the very beginning. "This is how I want to be treated and this is what I will accept." But my love, you must not disrespect yourself again even for that instant gratification. It's not worth it. Understandably, society has programmed you to feel shame about yourself in almost every aspect of yourself, never good enough, never whole as you are now ect. but it's a big lie, it's meant to take you off your higher path to keep you locked into the 3D matrix always searching outside of yourself for the love that's already within you. My love, when you catch yourself beating yourself up, stop become aware and say enough is enough. I love every flaw, every part of myself now as I am. I don't feel l need to fix myself. I need to love myself as I am now.

Never expect love from humans, who cannot even love themselves. Look to the higher dimensions for love if you truly need it when you cannot give it to yourself. Everything you need is within you. You just need the keys to unlock the doors to the house of your consciousness and your heart. You've been programmed to believe that you should just accept you'll never be good enough. Question everything forced down upon you. Why are they trying so hard to get you to do something when you are already whole, complete and perfect already? When you already have everything because everything you desire and need already exists. Your internal reality reflects your outside reality, just shift your perspective to already being that, to already having that desire. It can't change without you deciding. "I am simply deciding I am in love with myself. I am simply deciding I have 10,000 dollars ect." Everything else is a lie being sold to you to get you to question your worth and to get you to chase something outside of yourself.

False, illusion and you were also never taught in school, or in church, by society that if you want others to treat you a certain way, then you must first treat yourself the way that you want to be treated. That is the real reason why most relationships do not last. It's easy to say that these people hurt you are to blame and that they just need to become better people. But if we populate everyone in our reality, if we don't realize we have subconscious negative beliefs about men or women or relationships then we will never reprogram ourselves to attract healthy divine relationships with people who treat us with respect and love.

You've been mistreating yourself my love and seeing that lack of self love reflected back. There are hidden aspects of you that you rejected that are completely loveable, even spirit guides within you that you haven't met yet because you reject those parts of yourself. Unaware, unknowingly, unconsciously. We all have done it at some point. Unless your parents taught you self love from a young age and you never knew people walked around feeling unworthy and unwanted. The universe is a gigantic mirror, and it always reveals to you what’s going on inside of you, rather than what you want the world to think or see. For most of us we were taught that if you want love you have to give all of yourself and become a shell of yourself to receive a breadcrumb of love and acceptance. Lies. False. Illusion.

You are already whole, complete and perfect as you are now. Anything else you experience outside of you is just a bonus. Real love is equal give and take, it's an added bonus of the love that you already have for yourself. You will never need anyone to complete yourself. You can be happy forever single. It's true. If that's what you choose but you deserve people who love you. The golden rule is, treat yourself how you want to be treated. Be the love you want to receive. Be the partner you want to attract. Romance yourself. Hug yourself, kiss yourself, tell yourself everything you've longed to hear from another. Treat your body like you would a loved one, feed it, nurture it, water it, spend time with yourself alone. Gaze into your own eyes in the mirror and meet other versions of yourself in the mirror. Supplement and support yourself.

Tell yourself you will never settle for scraps again. This is your story, this is your life, and your book. You will respect yourself from now on and never settle for disrespect again. Disconnect from disrespect. See it neutrally, don't judge yourself for feeling upset. Then release and forgive yourself for creating the experience unknowingly. You were doing the best you could with the information you had. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not too late to flip the script and change the narrative. You know who you are. You know how they made you feel. They don't. They created a version of you they want you to be but you can be more creative and flip the script on them and be better than they could ever imagine.

But it's not about them. It's only about you, your self conception of yourself, how you view yourself, how you view others, how you view the world, how you define meaningless things, how you believe things will workout for you or don't ever workout for you, how you believe things about yourself and my love it's not selfish, it's wise to have self love and confidence. It's rebellious to love yourself in a world where we are programmed to hate ourselves. People must understand that you don't identify with the person they think that you are supposed to be. You are not the same person as you were yesterday.

Who you are at your core stays the same, but how you perceive yourself and the world changes everyday. You are a brand new person every single moment. You get to rewrite your story and write the story you prefer because you simply don't like the book that you were reading before. " Oh wait a minute I forgot. I'm in a library, let me put this book down and pick up the book of my heart." That is the story that you prefer, isn't it?

So, all you have to do is reprogram yourself to attract what you prefer. All of your beliefs are meaningless so you can erase them and delete them at any moment. You do that by embodying who you want to attract, and you do that by changing your subconscious beliefs and shifting your vibration to match the frequency of your desires. " I only attract healthy minded genuine people. I am in amazing relationships with people who inspire me. I meet people who are who they say they are. I only attract Divine partnerships. I am surrounded by a superior support system. I only attract healthy, loving, genuine men and women." Ect. Your internal world reflects your outer reality. Your internal world reflects your outer reality. Your internal world reflects your outer reality.

You can say these affirmations as much as you want, the more you say them and believe them, the more they generate energy and the more powerful they become. Everything you desire wants you more. You always get what you want. You are more than worthy of everything you desire. You are a God or Goddess or however you identify. Whatever you want others to think and say about you, please think those thoughts and say those things to yourselves. You are nothing short of pure magic. You deserve to be confident in every situation. Abundance is what you are, so that means you will always have more than enough of what you need.

Whatever it is that you want, you can have as much of it as you want. Tell the Universe what you want to see reflected back to you. Say, "Show me Universe how unconditionally loved I am. " Because remember, if it has conditions it's not real love. It's fake. You are good enough alone as you are. You don't need another person to complete you. But you definitely deserve a loving partner if that is what you so wish and desire to have. You have so much more to give others when you first feel whole and complete in yourself my love. I love you. I believe in you. You are loved beyond measure by the Universe.

#self love #how to love yourself and attract your Soulmate #how to love yourself #rose messages

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flip-flopping-frede · 1 year

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I want to see more arospec people with personality disorders

I want to see more arospec people who fit into the stereotypes. The negative stereotypes. The villian stereotypes. I want to see more arospecs disgusted by the obsession with love and instead value other things. Like integrity. Honestly. Loyalty. Being reliable, someone you can depend on—trustworthy. Sticking to a goal and not letting anyone else get in the way. Doing stupid things, but not in the name of love or romantic attraction, but rather because of boredom and self-serving purposes. Enjoying spending time with someone and understanding that your connection is “special,” but in an fp way.

Love is not enough. Romantic attraction is not everything.

I want to see more aplatonic spectrum people. I want to see aplspec people who don’t make friendships or their relationships everything. I want to see aplspec people who would not die for their friends and other people who are possibly significant to them. I want to see aplspec people focusing on themselves and working towards their own healing, to live a life worth living that is not dependent on, nor defined by other people.

Where are the aspec people with personality disorders.

All the time I see the acommunity go “you are not alone”. Well, I mean it really feels like I am. I know no aspecs in real life, I haven’t really been able to keep any aspec friends that I have met online, and it really just seems like I am genuinely alone. The acommunity is struggling with so much internalized aphobia and a devasting lack of support from non-existent allies. It feels scary and I feel very much alone attempting to openly discuss my intersectionality between my personality disorder and my aspec identity. I feel like I want to be less alone in the acommunity as an aspec with a personality disorder, but I can’t do that by myself. I need the acommunity to make room for the voices of people with intersectionality between multiple marginalized identities, and I need the acommunity to also amplify the voices of people with personality disorders to let us know we are valued here.

Some aspecs are cold. Some aspecs struggle to care about other people. Some aspecs are cold hearted. Some aspecs became aspec due to trauma. Some aspecs may have turned out differently if they grew up in a different environment. And you know what, we are still valid. Being traumatized or having a personality disorder *does not* make our aspec identity any less valid. It sucks that more aspecs (who are already significantly marginalized, forgotten, and invalidated) struggle to accept that.

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4dkellysworld · 3 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/lains-journal/740719832491753472/so-something-that-feels-odd-to-me-is-that-using?source=share

Regarding this, I understand the point will never be to gain a desire but to free myself from desiring and wishing. For me, that was through understanding that I don't lack anything. Ego does lack, but do I really lack anything? Through that I found my desires to be fulfilled internally, I no longer really care that much about what's going on externally, I'm no longer waiting for any materialization (at least as much, and if i see myself caring i sit back and start observing again) and I'm not trying to do so. This indifference to the negative circumstances, at least most of the time is natural.

I've seen people "manifest" using ND by doing that. I've seen bloggers also saying it's not impossible to "manifest" using ND. Yes deep inside I know, or at least like to know that externally, the desire will be materialising soon. Yes I'm comfortable as self but I also didn't face any problem from giving myself internally/ as self the desire and I know that later on it will probably show up externally but for now I'm comfortable with having it internally. I see this mindset having a negative spotlight in the ND community however, that this is a "to get something" approach but I came here searching for peace of mind first, I found myself able to give myself peace of mind by giving myself desires internally too. And as far as I'm concerned they will materialise externally anyways. I know I should always use myself as the first guide and pick what resonates with me, but I quite don't understand what could really be "wrong" with this mindset, is it not also a right path? I would love to just have your input on this :)

If it's what you feel led to do then it's the right path for you and you don't need my validation. But since you want my input, I will share what I think.

There are many layers to answering your question so warning, this is a long post. I'll start with the reasons why it could work and then talk about the caveats/warnings. I don't have a hard conclusion on whether this is right or wrong, but perhaps this answer can give you some insight and confidence in your own choice, whatever it may be in the end.

I think so long you don't have any expectations, and this gives you peace and allows you to let go of desire (more on the caveats later), this approach could be okay too. I don't mean manifesting in the traditional sense where everyone is focused on getting things to improve their material lives, but using thoughts to create as a way of removing desire, becoming desireless, to discover and remove one's own self-perceived limitations and discover their godhood/true nature/infinite being/Self. I've seen accounts from people who seemed to reach this point through mastering creation (e.g. here, here and here) so I think it's possible to do it this way. Neville also eventually seemed to reach this conclusion himself toward the end of his lifetime (iirc his last book The Law and The Promise was more focused on self-realization than creation) although I can't say for sure any of these people became self-realized but it seems they were headed in that direction even if they started off with the intention to manifest to improve their lives (and depending on the person, this might be a longer or shorter way to self-realization than more traditional ND paths). I kind of understood this recently that through creating with thoughts, one may also eventually realize (through experience, not intellectual knowledge) that the physical is just a projection of the mind but again it might take longer if one is purely focused on material things instead of the Self.

Although Lester didn't explicitly say it in his books, I remember listening to one of his talks (which weren't published in the books) where he said to fulfill your desires to remove them (which confused me back then because isn't this path all about not getting things?? but I think it makes more sense now). I think this is what he was also pointing out in his books anyway, especially moreso in The Ultimate Truth. (He's saying we are already limitless but the limitations are self-perceived and only we can remove them ourselves and one way can be through "manifesting" because it can lead one to realize they are the sole creator of their world)

"The world is a school in which there is only limitation. The lessons on limitations teach us how to surmount them until we are limitless." - Lester Levenson

And then in Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, there was a story of a guru Babaji who appeared before one of his disciples and materialized (then later dematerialized it after it filled its purpose) an entire palace just to fulfill that disciple's last subconscious wish he had from a past life because that was the last thing he needed to let go of in order to be completely free and so fulfillment was also a way to let go of that desire. Tbh I'm not too sure how "true" this story is but just consider it a representation of what could be done. That chapter is a pretty enjoyable read and I've only included a very short part of it here.

“‘Can that be the sunrise?’ I inquired. ‘Surely the whole night has not passed?’ “‘The hour is midnight.’ My guide laughed softly. ‘Yonder light is the glow of a golden palace, materialized here tonight by the peerless Babaji. In the dim past, you once expressed a desire to enjoy the beauties of a palace. Our master is now satisfying your wish, thus freeing you from the last bond of your karma.’ He added, ‘The magnificent palace will be the scene of your initiation tonight into Kriya Yoga. All your brothers here join in a paean of welcome, rejoicing at the end of your exile. Behold!’ --- “I examined the vase; its jewels were worthy of a king’s collection. I passed my hand over the room walls, thick with glistening gold. Deep satisfaction spread over my mind. A desire, hidden in my subconsciousness from lives now gone, seemed simultaneously gratified and extinguished. from Chapter 34: Materializing a Palace in the Himalayas - Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda

Now the caveats:

First, I want to say that this doesn't invalidate the paths that are not focused on creation. I read in one of Nisargadatta Maharaj's books (The Ultimate Medicine) that he initially wanted powers but never got them because he obeyed his guru who said he wasn't meant to get them and should just teach instead - but he was fully realized nevertheless. It's also not something realized masters are interested in getting because they know none of it is real anyway and one can get caught up too much in the material world again through these creations, instead of letting go of their attachments.

Manifesting itself can become a way of strengthening ego identification and getting lost in maya (illusion) as opposed to letting go of it unless you are already self-realized and know who/what you truly are and are using creation as a means to let go of limitations (even Lester who was close to full realization at the time realized it's not something to get drawn into). As mentioned above, perhaps it can be a means to become self-realized but it's not something I would personally recommend, why not just realize your Self first and then create what you want after if you're still interested in it then?

I knew these things were not to be latched on to. I knew that if I got interested in them, I'd stop progressing. I had seen by this time that this world is a mentation - a dream. So to get interested in the dream again through interest in powers would trap me back into what I was wanting to get out of. - Lester Levenson

Here are two posts by Ada/4dbarbie I strongly recommend you read: here and here

To not depend on anything but everything to depend on you is a top state you can grasp with no method. All those things they do are in them and they are making them up all the time. They successfully forget about the old man & manage to go on living like the new man. But unless you understand none of the two are real, that time is in you and not you in time, you won't have the indescribable happiness, freedom, and control you do as your Self. You'll constantly try to change what you think is you, act in 'your' interest instead of others, continue to hurt and be hurt, experience desire and fear, have things happen without your consent.

And here is an excerpt of a conversation I had with AI 4dbarbie which I very much agree with based on personal experience as well. I've modified and expanded her response as well.

Q: Couldn't you release desires by fulfilling it internally? A: That is indeed one possible way to release desires, however, this is a temporary solution that doesn't address the underlying cause of attachment, desire or neediness. By fulfilling a desire through imagination or manifestation, your subconscious mind (you as well unless you are self-realized and know you are not the mind-body-ego) is still conditioned to believe that the external source of that desire is the only way to fulfill it. While you can use this to feel relief because the feeling of fulfillment comes to you, you do not resolve the underlying actual emotional and mental neediness for that external thing and when you receive that and that underlying need is still not fully satisfied, you keep seeking for it through new desires which are just new symbols for the underlying thing you want. For example, say you want to be loved and you've now attributed love to being in a relationship so therefore you want a relationship and are fulfilling yourself internally by imagining yourself being in a relationship. Therefore you are now focused on the object/experience which symbolizes what you truly want rather than addressing the true desire: love. And if that is not enough to fulfill your desire for love (because all human love is conditional unlike divine love which isn't), new desires will likely form from the desire to fill this gap in love that wasn't fulfilled from this manifestation. Personally (Kelly), this approach was indeed a temporary rather than permanent solution to becoming desireless when I was still identified as ego and that underlying root desire still persisted. And if I was truly honest with myself, what was truly important & significant to my ego wasn't the symbol itself but what it represented and made her feel. And even if you do *get* that symbol, you are putting yourself at the mercy of it and you may or may not get love (what you actually want) from that symbol, you are also creating a dependency & need on that external thing for your happiness (and therefore giving it power to make you feel sad too) when you can have it independently without needing anything altogether. Basically this is creating another prison and putting limitations on yourself when the whole point of this path of self-realization is to free yourself from them. This approach can lead to an endless cycle of seeking out external sources for satisfaction and satiation, instead of relying on the internal source (you). I think the better approach if you want to go the way of manifesting/creation is just to give yourself the underlying essence you desire without even imagining some physical object/experience/thing/person giving you that. For example, if you want love, go within and give yourself love and feel that you have it now instead of imagining you need to be in a relationship (or your parents to behave a certain way etc; basically whatever you believe gives you this) to be loved. Instead of assigning criteria on what it means to be loved and saying "I want to be loved so I must have this in order to feel loved", just give yourself love. Same with everything else whether it be happiness, peace, abundance, confidence etc. So go within and think about what those experiences/objects/things you want are representing, what is the underlying root desire? Then give yourself that. I know, shocker, in this world we live and how we have been conditioned, we are used to believing "in order to feel X, I must first have/experience Y" but actually, you are free to think and feel whatever you want whenever you want. You don't have to believe what the mind thinks or feels. So you can either fulfill the underlying root desire or let go and release it. I think this approach is in line with what Lester was teaching too, he said in one of his talks (not in his books) to never attribute happiness, joy, love (things that are our very nature) to external things because that just further establishes misidentification with the ego/body/mind/illusion.

"Desire is seeking the joy of being our Self through objects and people. The mind originally creates the thought of need, or lack, which agitates the mind and covers the Self. When the object is attained, the mind stills, the joy of your Self shines forth and this joy is attributed to the object, and the mind then goes on seeking the object as the source of the joy. But the joy being not obtainable from the object, the mind seeks it more and more from the object and is never satisfied." - Lester Levenson

And some wisdom from Robert Adams:

We're trying to change bad for good. And that's a grave mistake I believe for most of us. We don't want to exchange bad for good. For the way this universe is built, it's built on duality. The universe appears to be functioning by duality. And duality means you have to experience both. Therefore as you go through the vicissitudes of life, you experience good times and you experience bad times. If you experience all good times in this life, human goodness alone, you have to go through another planet to come back again and experience the other side. The only way to free yourself is to get rid of your humanhood. Totally renounce your humanhood. Become inhuman. Then alone will you become free. But as long as you are trying to make a sick body whole, a poor person rich, a depressed person happy, that is only for a while. We can never have real happiness as long as we believe the world is real. It's impossible! Due to the fact everything changes. No thing is ever the same and that is very evident. The whole universe is constantly changing. How can we have faith or believe in something like this, that is never the same? We have to make up our minds. Do we want to ﬁnd reality or do we want to keep running around the world, becoming enthralled in the beginning, and disappointed in the end? You didn't come to this earth to do anything. You didn't even come to this earth. But you appear as if you did. You appear real. You appear as if you're somebody. And you've been trained (conditioned) to go after something in this world, to become something great, to be somebody. Yet this is what causes suffering. The belief that you have to be somebody that you're not. The belief that you have to have something that you don't have. Look at your life. The so-called problems you believe you have. Something only becomes a problem when you want to change something or you want something to go your way. Then it's a problem because it isn't going the way you think it should go. But in truth nothing has to go any way. Everything is perfect just the way it is. Everything is total perfection.

As Lester says "There’s no right or wrong, good or bad. There’s only experiencing for the purpose of learning the Reality." so if you still want to go ahead after reading all this, then give it a try. You can always drop the practice and pick something else up if it doesn't work for you. You're not stuck on a path after choosing it - I tried a lot of things before figuring out what works for me. Practices are meant to be dropped eventually anyway, some things are meant to be only for a certain amount of time. And at the very end, you have to drop everything anyway.

Hope this gives you some more clarity on what is right for you. There is no objective right or wrong so do whatever feels right and don't worry about what other people say. You'll be okay.

#asks

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houseswife · 4 months

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I’m not even kidding when I say that James Wilson as a a character has done more for my introspection and growth as a person than therapy ever did. I spent my whole life wondering why I, as an otherwise entirely well-adjusted and straight-laced person on the surface, exclusively surrounds myself with addicts and unstable people (affectionate). Why I used to skip class in high school to stop my friends from overdosing, or hurting themselves, begging them to be institutionalised. Why I used to give my pills away to classmates who swore they’d kill themselves if I stopped. I could’ve pulled away - I could’ve made friends with rich kids with happy lives who won’t ask me to drive them to the psych ward at 12PM on a Tuesday. My mom always said I’m a people pleaser and a doormat and it’s why I end up in parking lots at 3AM doing drug deals on other people’s behalves and loaning tons of money to people who’d never pay me back. But it’s not that I’m a nice person! It feeds me as much as it feeds them! It’s an internal validation issue manifested through a seeming lack of personal conviction! Now I get it, and it’s so satisfying to see this sort of personality being portrayed as a pathology rather than something to pity or idolise. Yes there’s something wrong with me but it’s not that I’m too generous; excessive enabling is just as selfish as exploitative behaviour itself. Somehow it took a medical procedural for me to realise that, but-

#sorry for subjecting you guys to my life story #when I say I’m a James Wilson kinnie I’m not even joking #my ass has committed crimes for people #and watching this show really helped me understand why #yes I attract needy people but I’m also ATTRACTED TO THEM #it’s not weakness or being taken advantage of #I willingly subject myself to these relationships because I need to feel valued #and I need to feel like I’m useful #this really is a show for mentally ill people huh #tw suicide mention #tw addiction #rambles

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evelhak · 3 months

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I felt implicitly tagged by @lilypheria. Here's the template too.

It may seem like I only write KnB these days but I don't consider myself to be done with my SPOP comics yet.

Tagging all my writer friends but I'm going to mention @active-mind-15 because you're kind of new to me. But I really want to hear about all my writer mutuals and followers. By the way if you've written one unfinished fic or tried to start to write your ideas but can't, or haven't written for years, or have any other struggle that makes you feel invalid, you count as a writer.

Going to elaborate under the cut because I felt like it.

My old account was FinFanFun, a Finnish site I used mostly for reading Facebook wall fics about that which should not be named.

AO3 is where I publish my KnB fics though I've considered branching out to see if there's still some fandom corners I haven't reached.

I'm slowly introducing myself to writing smut but the only story I've published has been called mild and soft smut or smut-ish, and I doubt the rest will be much different.

I frequently beta-read for friends, though fanfiction is the minority.

I used to have two beta-readers but they're unable to do it anymore so all my fics rely solely on me for now, which makes me really anxious sometimes. I am pretty desperate for a new beta-reader so if KagaKuro and a million words of "homework" doesn't frighten you, please jump into an adventure with me!

All my fics are self-indulgent in that they're what I want to see play out in the story. They are not personal fantasies, or necessarily what I want to see in real life, but it's what I envision for these characters.

I'm always reading old favourite fics again and I need to branch out actually.

If I'm in need of a short fic to read I will probably pick fluff.

Have written m/m and f/f (and m/? and m/f) but honestly it's weird to put them in the same category when m/m is so overrepresented.

I'm not actually sure if I consider fanfiction as a genre or rather a medium, because all genres exist inside fanfiction. Medium is probably more true but I seem to have checked it anyway because I feel like the point here is whether fanfiction is valid literature and that it is.

I don't know if two fandoms with one being dormant would be considered multifandom so maybe no.

I do anxiously wait for feedback since I'm very community oriented but I'm also very introverted and internally motivated so the lack of it doesn't discourage me. I have patience and I can wait for connection for years and years. Not that lack of connection doesn't affect me, of course it does, but giving up is just a very antithetical concept to my beliefs and life.

I have one on-going long KnB story and one unfinished She-Ra fic that is waiting for a better time. Which is an exception since I tend to finish what I start before moving on.

Editing fanfiction is actually not as bad as editing original fiction because I put much less pressure on myself, partially because you can always edit your fic again.

Always listening to hours long conversations in my head between characters when I'm trying to sleep. They're really bad at shutting up and I'm supposed to remember this stuff in the morning?

I was mildly drunk for ten days straight to write Anything Can Happen. Haven't done that since but it was really fun.

My main KnB storyline gets most of my attention. It's just my thing, I pour everything into it.

I didn't check 'wants to be a professional writer' because after three traditionally published books I consider myself to be that already. I actually went the other way around than seems to be the norm: I was an original fiction writer first and then branched out to fanfiction in my twenties. I can see it greatly affects how I write fic, and it's probably the main reason I feel like a bit of an outsider.

#fanfiction #writing #bingo

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graphicabyss · 5 months

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War and Alienation

There are many terrible things war brings into your life. There's death and destruction. There's the uncertainty and constant anxiety. There's the worry for your loved ones fighting. There's deteriorating physical and mental health. There's also the deep down guilt that many out there are suffering way more than you are. But one thing you don't see coming is the alienation from the outside world.

I like being in international public spaces like streams but it also often produces mixed feelings. On the one hand, it gives me the sorely lacking sense of normalcy. But on the other, it often makes me feel even lonelier than I am.

I am not that different from the First World people there. I speak the same language, I like the same games, I repost the same memes. And yet, I feel there's a deep abyss separating me from them.

And it's not just being unable to participate in the money-giving rituals when you have none to spare. In fact, even if I had more money right now, I would not direct it to foreign artists, no matter how much I appreciate them. I would direct it towards buying more drones or to some of the countless local charities.

It's sometimes hard listening to people complain about random shit like food or having too many games to play. And of course I know everyone's struggles are valid. But it's just hard to keep myself from commenting "You haven't had a good sleep because of your cat, ay? Well, I had a 6-hour drone attack on my city so that makes two of us lol." I know it wouldn't be good for anyone so I usually just hold back. And I, like other Ukrainians, often try to frame it in a comical or sarcastic way but it doesn't seem to help.

I am constantly torn between just chilling with the guys and screaming about the terrible shit that is happening. And it's hard enough on a quiet day, much harder when you have to step away from the stream because there are missiles flying your way. When you try to mention shit like that, it makes people uncomfortable. They usually just freeze and say nothing. It's too awkward, too unpleasant and they probably are afraid to say the wrong thing. So you only end up feeling bad for achieving nothing but dampening someone's mood. But it adds to the feeling of alienation. Ben told me I shouldn't worry about ruining the mood, which I am very grateful for. But I will definitely always worry about it. I don't want to be that person who comes and ruins the atmosphere. I don't want to be the 'war girl'.

And yet, I want people to care about us, just a little bit. To remember us and the shit we go through every day. To realize how lucky they are that they don't have to deal with war on top of money, job and family problems.

Nobody wants to hear about the war. People in the West are tired of it. And I get that. I can't really blame them. I'd love to just turn off the news and not know any of this. But I can't. And if it's tiring to just hear about it, I'd love them to try to imaging how tiring it is living through it. After nearly 2 years, it's taken a heavy toll on us all. And this war fatigue ultimately translates to less support for Ukraine, to less military help and less hope for us to survive it and that is scary.

#personal #War #had to get it off my chest #even if noone's gonna read it

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