#anyways when I tell you i started fucking dying

[stars-n-spice]

Silly Squad Alignment Charts

Because I thought it would be fun and silly :)

Find out more about the Silly Squad here!

Of course, have to start with the classic:

Hunter will say they have food at home and it's literally like probably two slices of bread, a bottle of ketchup, and a head of lettuce

Viram KNOWS how to cook so you best be happy to eat her food instead of having Mcdonalds

Khea and Echo it depends on their mood whether they pull up and order a single black coffee before leaving (Echo would never do it if Omega is in the car)

Crosshair doesn't even like their coffee but he does it to be a little shit

Feel like Tech is also kinda in the middle because he'll be like "Technically we have food at home-" but he also needs his caffeine

Phee will ALWAYS pull up to the Mcdonalds, especially when Omega's with her. Then Omega always holds it over Hunter- "Well, PHEE takes ME to Mcdonalds!"

Tay is the definition of a bastard (no seriously)

Phee is bastard (affectionate) but would technically be more of "Badass" than anything

Khea, Crosshair, and Tech are the Bitch Trio and if you put them in a room together they WILL tear each other apart (emotionally most likely but Tech will goad Crosshair and Khea into physically fighting each other while he records)

Majority of the squad is Babey though

Echo is also "Bad Ass" but he could also be a Bitch if he wanted

Hunter is Bastard just because I think it's funny

Dumb Bitch Hunter my beloved <3

Echo is sad dick because he has no dick

I use dumb affectionately with Wrecker (not with Hunter and Tay)

Tech just has big dick energy to me idk

Khea's a sad hoe but she'll never admit to it (the being sad part)

If you've noticed, I really like making fun of Hunter that's why he's there in the dumbass squared category

Wrecker, Khea, and Phee are all smart as fuck but have more fun pretending that they aren't really

Tay is good at pretending that he is smart - he is not

Then of course, Tech, Cross, and Echo are all smartasses

This fit so perfectly I was dying

Hunter is laughing nervously because he's aroace lmao

Omega would be like "Thanks! :D" and just carry on

Jung would most likely do *thumbs up* instead of finger guns though

When you pair up the couples, it's funnier

If Tay said "I know" after Cross told him that he loved him, Crosshair would dump him on the spot

Khea tells Wrecker she loves him for the first time and he short circuits and probably would say something along the lines of "YEET!"

Viram and Echo both have issues and would not be able to comprehend why someone would love them - I'm sure Echo's got insecurities and Viram knows she's a workaholic and therefore difficult to be in a relationship so she apologies in advance

If Phee told Tech she loved him and he went "a horrible decision, really" she'd probably laugh

And of course, who doesn't love Phee? If you don't, get out of here.

Crosshair could care less, he ain't dealing with that shit

Tech would say this ominously as if he's seen the future and knows your death is imminent meanwhile Khea's is more of a - "you probably will because everyone close to me has already died" sort of way :/

I feel like Omega might also be "i'd die for you first" too

Hunter, Viram, and Echo don't want to deal with that shit either, they've already got so much loss, guilt, and other things on their plate

Tay's probably not listening when someone tells him they'd die for him while Phee's like, "Oh, neat. Anyways, as I was saying about my last adventure-"

Jung is ready and willing to put his life on the line and Wrecker would probably more like a "Nu uh" because he's got your back and would look out for you

Phee will also do it for some credits or a cool treasure

Tay is going to fight god (and he's going to lose)

Tech could do so much more than take down the government, but he needs incentives (him and Phee can take down the government together <3)

Khea is a bounty hunter, her job literally requires her to stab people sometimes in order for her to get money

Crosshair would stab without anyone needing to ask him

Echo's taking down the government no matter what, but especially if Rex asks him to come along

Jung is going to fight god if you ask them to (and he'll win)

Viram is the type of friend who is an excellent tutor and you end up understanding the concept after getting her help meanwhile Omega will explain what she knows and then the homework becomes a group project of figuring out what the fuck it's asking

You can copy Hunter's homework but there is no guarantee that the answers are right (most of them are wrong)

You can copy Jung's homework and there's a high chance the answers are right

Khea had better things to do than homework - like get frustrated over it and cry for a bit before giving up on it

Phee did some of the homework but she'll only help you out if you give her something in exchange

Wrecker and Tay, beloved himbos, they had no idea and even if they did do the homework, you wouldn't want to copy off of them

Crosshair also didn't do the homework but he also doesn't want to respond

Tech and Echo both did the homework and it's correct but they don't tolerate copying work to even have suggested it is offensive so now you're left on read

#tbb #tbb ocs #tbb oc #the bad batch #clone force 99 #sw tbb #bad batch #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb echo #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #oc x canon #oc x hunter #oc x echo #oc x wrecker #oc x crosshair #techphee #phee genoa #sw ocs #khea nultez #viram cossa #tay'kaa marr #jung-myn yun #baddies batch #silly squad

[sexygaywizard]

Walk into the apartment and my roommate says "Mike Wazowski only has one eye??" and I say, "WHAT are you talking about, of course he only has one eye. Only having one eye is like his whole fucking thing. Why would you think he has more than one eye" and she flips her phone around and shows me this

#she has only seen this meme image for so long she fucking forgot what he actually looked like #anyways when I tell you i started fucking dying #just josie things #i talk

[khalesci]

d.une discourse crossing over into a.soiaf discourse is the worst possible thing that could have happened actually bc now there are a lot of dudebros trying to say that paul and dany "have the same arc actually" and I am going to pull my hair out like please and I mean this in the most disrespectful way possible, shut the fuck up

#♛ ooc. ⊱ ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #tell me you don't actually understand daenerys without telling me #I blame dave&dan and that bullshit final season for this #giving ammunition to all these people who were dying to find a reason to validate the hate they have for her #without having to admit the REAL reasons they hate her (she's a woman with power and agency that does not conform to societal standards) #(and she is a victim who has reclaimed her power instead of revictimizing herself for male approval over and over again) #if you try to argue in any way that dany is supposed to be the villain or a 'false hero' by any means #then I automatically distrust anything you have to say about this series at all #like I'm heated about it okay !! I will never stand for all this slander against her #because I have NEVER seen anyone give a single valid reason for it #it's always the same r*ddit inc*l talking points being regurgitated over and over again #it's okay to just not like a character but you cross a line when you start trying to paint THE PERSON TRYING TO END SLAVERY #as a GODDAMN F*SCIST #anyway I'm angry but I'll get over it I just needed to vent #dany is the number one character I will defend against *that* side of the fandom with my life like I will fucking die in the pit for her

[mosquitinho]

,,,,,,,

#my cats arent here anymore......... my babies arent here anymore. #what the fuck!!!!!!!!!! #why is it that my pets' deaths feel more devastating and soul crushing than when my grandparents died #they were all old i knew it was coming we knew it but still !!!! #i think its bc in the case of cats the dying proccess happens way more suddenly than w humans #so even if they were already sick w something chronic or terminal #they start to show symptoms much later. they only show it when their lives are almost over vc of their instincts to hide weakness etc #with old humans you usually have several weeks or months to prepare for it but w cats its a matter of days #and even vets cant rly tell how much time they have until literally the day they die . its so crazy. anyway. i miss them so much

[hetaliafucker]

The 2022 Ebenezer Scrooge just gives me Arthur but as a Gilf vibes and I'm just. I need. I need AU fanart of Arthur as the 2022 Scrooge.

#On my knees #Alfred could be Isabel because we love Usuk angst and it fits. Listen to Later Never Comes and tell me that doesn't scream- #-Alfred deciding he's fucking off to start a revolution #Francis can be Christmas Present because that man was CAMP and Framcis woulda slay #Matthew could be Christmas Past because she kinda looked like Isabel in the movie so tracks I guess? #And he's be sassy with Arthur I think #Gilbert can be Christmast Future because. Creepy little sad emo pale man scaring Arthur for laughs is funny #Acts creepy and mysterious and then drops the act aorund the other ghosts and it just pissing himself 'You should have seen his face!' #Antonio could be Past too because. Bad Bitch Trio too so. Either way. #The Cratchit's could be the UK bros 💀 Tiny Tim < Petite Peter #But also would he do that to family? It could be he lost Peter when he was younger. Like Scrooge with his sister #So the Germanics could be the Cratchits? With Lichtenstein dying I guess? Who knows #What if it's Holy Rome 💀💀💀 #Anyway- #Hetalia #Christmas Carol #Arthur Kirkland #Ebenezer Scrooge #Hws England #I'm. Not tagging everyone else.

[goldkirk]

i feel like I’m dying but life is objectively much better in many factual ways and I’m working to remind myself of that at least once a day ✍️

#my photos #personal #no like i actually started feeling like my chest was gnawing itself and my lungs are heavy and I’m nauseous tingly #chill on a sofa listening to upbeat music and petting a dog #but the Feeling Like You’re Dying doesn’t care it’ll just hit when it hits #Im going home for part of June/July and there’s a lot of unknown and my family not talking abt things #and honesty vs lies battles #and a lot of messy radtrad/fundie influences continuing to strengthen but like #things are also better in a lot of areas #and no matter what everyone is speaking to me more politely since I moved #although it’s frustrating too bc #i nos feel like Im going crazy going this long without some undolicited Soul Concern email or anti gay email coming from my parents or #fight baiting coming from my sister #it’s weird #i feel like I made it all up since I haven’t gotten any evidence/proof now that I finally thought ‘i should document when they send me #stuff next time’ so I’d be able to confirm to myself that they DID say xyz things or w/ever #anyway NO SELF. LIFE IS GOOD AND WORTH LIVING AND YOU HAVE A DOG YOU COMMITTED TO AND YOUR URGES TO GO BE IN DANGER AND HURT DO NOT NEED TO #BE ACTED ON YOU CAN STOP FREAKING OUT ABT THEM THEY’RE CONSTRUCTION AND DEMO CRAP. CHILL. THEY’LL GO AWAY SOMEDAY #AND YOU ARE NOT AN OPINIONLESS KID WJEN YOU HO BACK YOU CAN LITERALLY JUST TELL PEOPLE NO #also don’t FUCKING forget to pick up a box of those cookies. future me I swear to god I’ve wanted them for like six months #if we come back to WA without them for another year #i will murder you I s2g #not really but I will be SO sad at some point this fall or winter #don’t make me sad #journal

[apathyfairy]

christmas is officially over which means i have 364 days to get a life and get too busy to go to family christmas or come up with a really good excuse to never see these people again

#gee how was everyones christmas #my uncle tried to convince everyone that that story r*publicans tell about the furry kid getting to use a litter box #at the school bathroom was true. bc he heard it on j*e r*gan. so of course it’s true #then an entire conversation about pronouns ensued. #they leave tomorrow i literally don’t know if i’ll make it. i’ve been hiding in my room all day bc i have a pounding headache #and also i have my period then i have to listen to that on top of it all. if 2023 isnt looking drastically different by february #i’m killing myself for real #on top of all that too there are 6 of us sharing 1 bathroom and one of my cousins doesn’t wash his hands or flush the toilet so everytime #someone goes in there /i/ have to go in after and sanitize everything like. i’ve never been so happy christmas is over. #also that same cousin is sick bc he’s been coughing for the last 2 days and also leaves his snot tissues uncovered in the trash can and yes #it’s green tmi i know but that means bacteria if i’m not mistaken and anyway i’m so tired of it i am so tired of them i’m just laying low #until they leave. i hate it. #oh! and then i had two computer monitors that my mom gave me bc her job let her keep them when they gave her new ones #and i was like sweet now when i move and finally have space i can have a setup with two monitors bc she. gave. them. to me. #anyway last night my cousin started using her monitor. without asking. and she was like oh ok. .. but u can use these and also u can #take one of them with you when you leave! like what the fuck fr when u gave them to me #and yeah that completely sounds like first world problems i know but it’s like. don’t give things to people…and then…give them….. #away…….. #anyway. going back ot my original life plan of marrying rich and dying young and never seeing these people again.

[lilgynt]

i told my mom i’m drugging myself everyday told my brother i’m gonna resent him and my other brother for life who else gonna get an awful truth from me today cmon

#personal #minimum 3 weeks for this situation to start getting fixed #as you can imagine i’m not coping well #at all #my dad actually just had a bit where he’s like let me call government building #you are a jailer and unfair for not letting me call somewhere i’ve already fucked us DEEPLY #15 ish minutes of me dad telling me how cruel i am dudes not even trying to call that government building #kept saying it but meant the couple who took him there #and again i know worse for him but also i resent him for not dying like i’m very glad he’s alive i think but part of me will resent him for #this and everytime he calls my mom and i the key to his illness i want to bash his head in #i’m not a key moms not a key we’re people were alive youve spurned our attentions and affections before this #granted we have too but we’re not demanding it now are we #but you’re gonna be so fucking cruel to us and only talk to us when YOU need something and now we’re the keys to your illness and can’t have #a moment away from you? fuck you #he’s not the man he was last year let alone during his prime #i never met him but i hate him #i always wondered what he would have thought of me with his full capabilities but now i know to an extent i hate him #he got us all himself included stuck in this event. anyway new brand of daddy issues through this event #anyway told my mom and brother i don’t even know #all anyone CAN give me is thanks and apologies and praise but i don’t want praise #i don’t want to be strong i don’t want to be kind i don’t want to be good and i don’t want to endure #my life has been nothing but a test in endurance and i don’t want it #sure if there a rock crushing me id rather hear that help is coming over any thing #but i’m still getting crushed and these words do nearly nothing for me #i didn’t say that part but did explain the feeling #i don’t know where i’m going with this. like between the copious amounts of weed aggressive sobbing and being need 24/7 #i’ve been spacing out bad randomly i mean bad when on purpose too but still just wake up in my body at some point #speaking of just waking up i’m legitimately not even going to sleep anymore get to my room than wake up an hour or two before it’s my shift #with dad #my mom when she finds out i’m not taking two edibles but two bags at a time and also kill myself: :0

[justabunchofdragons]

also the feeling of winning a politically based argument with my dad is soooo fucking good

#talking about bitchass sunak and how he's proposed a £5-10 fee for if u wanna go to the doctors #and i am EXTREMELY against that shit #the nhs is free for a fucking reason. nobody should have to drop a single PENNY to be able to live #anyway i said that (without the swears) and he started to tell me why actually it would “reduce nhs strain!!” cuz apparently ppl just go to #the hospital to “get out of the cold” #and then i said but dad you see how that's entirely another problem. to solve that problem you fix the cold ??????? #(ie. drop heating bills. like come ON it doesn't take a 200IQ to figure that out) #at this point he walks outta the room and closes the door. reopens the door upon me yelling that he was avoiding saying im right #then he comes back and tells me (very patronisingly) that coming out of the cold means just coming into hospital with unnecessary problems #to which i said well i have not heard of anyone doing that (we are indian and won't go to the doctor unless like. we are fucking dying) #and he says you'll be surprised... and i was like ok. i bet its just ppl who are lonely. which again !! another problem entirely !! #and i said well putting the fee in place won't actually stop that. ppl who are lonely will keep being lonely #and maybe we'll see an increase in elderly suicides. or more reports of houses that people just stop coming out of #or MAYBE we'll start hearing reports of ppl who die of entirely treatable diseases and illnesses cuz they couldn't afford to go #or were in the middle of choosing between food for their kids and heating one (1) room and decided fuck it this recurring stomach ache #might just be menopause or whatever the fuck. i goes to my dad people play down symptoms all the TIME #and it starts from youth !!! from school !! we are told if u have a headache or a stomach ache just come in ^_^ its better than missing !! #like wtf. what kind of shit system is that. it feels horrible to come to school when people are very clearly ill #you deserve to be resting not suffering through a whole day in pain & not able to breathe & honestly u don't learn shit on those days #didn't tell my dad that. but. he responds by saying there's ppl whove said that stuff like milk bread eggs should be free. and i said yea #and bathroom products. by which i mean toilet paper and pads and tampons #and he was clearly expecting me to disagree with this because he said um ok. well yeah ! exactly #mans changed his tone SO fast once he figured out he was not winning this. it felt so good #i love being a semi adult in this household where despite always being treated like one not actually having the opinions to feel like one #anyway thats my storytime. moral of the story is basic necessities should be free. full stop

[southislandwren]

Would really love if my landlord would reply to my text or email so I can start trying to catch a kitten and have mom bring me arby’s little playpen so once I catch one I can keep it caught and start bonding.

#I need name ideas. I’m thinking something dairy related or internship related #I’ll let my boss pick out a name maybe. or possibly a Pokémon name or something #I’m very excited at the idea of having my own mammal again. #the way I love Fred is conducive to having another cat. I don’t feel like I’m replacing him just having another fellow with me #I don’t know if I could get a dog tho. my Sammy. #also FUCK my boss’s husband for being a dick about my dog dying #bro if your intern says they almost killed themself over a dog don’t fucking laugh and make a smartass comment #I’ll fucking get you I don’t care if you have guns. I have a set of chompers that will draw blood before you even draw your gun #anyway I keep having dreams about kittens. I’m really excited to catch one #as far as we can tell there’s an orange one and a grey one and probably more #they’re living up in the hayloft so maybe some week night I’ll put out some tuna and start trying to get the kittys to stay #and then I’ll have my mom bring the playpen to our camping trip in July and then we can put the kitten in there and get a little harness #but I need my landlord to confirm I can add another pet to my apartment since I’m already bringing alpy. #I’m not gonna commit to a kitten and then find out I can’t even take it to school with me :/ #there is potentially the option to pick up a kitten in September during the farm event when I come back and visit #but ideally I’ll have a kitten during school to hang out with #diary post

[beeseverywhen]

Earlier I wanted to eat something that was may contain soy and I didn't want to wait. But I was highly suspicious of it not containing soy in the first place (had chocolate on it. Chocolate always has soy) and I had no epi pen with me. So I ate it in the supermarket rationalising that there was a pharmacy next door and they'd have one should I begin to die in the supermarket. Anyway it was fine. No soy in the ice cream. However when I walked past the pharmacy it was closed and like. Had a big metal shutter on it and I felt a bit like when you don't see a car coming till its too late but they do see you and stop just in time

#Everything is may contain #before i got a serious allergy i was like. id never take my life in my hands like that #now. i even eat stuff that says 'not for allergy sufferers' (that one means they don't clean their machines lol. i just cross my fingers #that they produced whatever i was eating last and the soy ended up in the other stuff. and make sure I've got pirotin and my epi pen at hand #the thing is about a soy allergy is it really desensitises you to the severity of a may contain as you learn pretty early on you can: #either start milling your own flour and become completely self sufficient. or. starve #or. you can take your life in to your hands occasionally #cause there's so much you straight up can't eat. 70% of processed food has soy. if you add in the may contains. you are gonna starve #anyway the only problem with this is ppl see you being casual and assume it's not a serious allergy and it's like. no #i react to trace amounts. yeah this has happened multiple times. no. i get full blown anaphylaxis. yeah lol could have died #skip out on eating a croissant? i don't fucking think so. there are things in life worth dying for #i am careful with some stuff. it's just like. a risk assessment. i tend to not eat out much as i can eat at home and just grab a drink #when the ppl im with eat. but yeah. food im eating at home? I'm less careful with that #you can kinda tell which stuff is very likely to be contaminated and which is less so. based on like the processes its undergone

[lbcreations-blog]

Yandere Alastor with daughter reader

A Stag and his Fawn

‐-----‐----‐-----------------------------------

(Not proof read cause I'm tired but I need to post)

Masterlist

---------

Alastor was your adoptive father. He adopted you when you were both still alive. You were only a baby at the time, being left in a dumpster.

When Alastor was dumping bodys in the dumpster he found you, he was originally going to put you in a foster home, but when he saw you open your eyes and look at him seeming at peice, he knew it was a bad idea to put you in any foster home.

Of course, he could not just take you in. He had to get you some medical treatment. So he took you to the nearest hospital to get a check-up and other things. Then he had to do even more other things like birth certificate and adoption stuff. (You know, the essentials)

Anyways, once you were old enough, he taught you his ways of voodoo and murder. (You were already learning from about 4, lmao), and you became a perfect daughter to him (even though you were already perfect to him).

If you were to get bullied in school, those kids would regret it. He would also teach those kids' parents a lesson as well.

If you end up dying before him from it being someone's fault, he would torture that person/persons and eat that person's corpse.

Once he enters hell, he would search for you while aswell becoming a terrifying overlord. And once he finds you, he would pretend you are not his daughter in public so you would not get targeted. He knows you can look after yourself so he would let you in public by yourself, but a shadow will follow you.

But if you are an overlord, he wouldn't admit being your father, but he will treat you like his daughter in public, and he will let others' theories flow. (Overlord or not, a shadow will follow you, btw)

Now, if he dies first, he will patiently wait for you. You, of course, kill the one who mistakes your father for a deer. You then live life how he wanted you to, until you finally arrive in hell.

Once you arrive in hell, he ether will take a while to find you or find you quickly. If you quickly become an overlord just like him, he would be proud, like you have no idea.

(The ways he is with you in hell is the same as I explained in the first death choice.)

Of course, introducing you to people as Alastors' daughter, you will get interesting reactions.

The overlords would be shocked, to say the least, Carmila might like Alastor slightly more cause she has her own daughters.

Now the hotel's reactions ig

Of course, the entire hotel is shocked except for niffty and husk cause yall already probably met (I would tell you that, but that's a different kind of worm)

Anyway, sir pentious would be most likely terrified of you or just won't admit it.

Angel- well, Angel-... he's probably going to start off with sex jokes, and how unfair it is that some random bitch got to fuck Alastor. Your father was not happy.

Vaggie is very suspicious of you once you met. She knew how your father was, so you were not trustworthy. (Which was fair, you showed that same creepy smile your father did)

Charlie loved meeting you. She was and is so happy that Alastor has a daughter and she is and was happy to meet you. She was hoping to help you get redeemed, but you just told her you would rather be in hell with your father.

--------_______--------

I was going to make Alastor more yandere but because of 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑠, he's like that, ok? OK

I did get lazy at the end, so... Yyyeeeaaaa

Hope you enjoyed it

- 𝐋.𝐁 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

#hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #sir pentious #carmilla carmine #angel dust #vaggie #husk #niffty #fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction #x child reader #x reader #alastor x daughter reader #yandere alastor #yandere #yandere alastor x reader #yandere alastor x child reader #alastor x child reader #the radio demon

[rubiesintherough]

.

#you know. i think the best way i can describe my fibro flares to someone are... day 3 of having a really bad flu #not when you're first coming down with it. not toward the end when your fever starts breaking and you feel better #smack dab right in the middle. where you're so exhausted bc you can't sleep bc you feel so sick. haven't rested properly in days kinda tired #everything hurts. every muscle aches. every joint pops when you try to move #you feel nauseous and dizzy. you get up to try using the bathroom and almost fall over. your body is too weak to hold itself up #you've already cried twice today bc you just feel so damn awful #you have no appetite and have to fight to keep anything you do eat down bc you just hurt so goddamn much #your stomach hurts. #your brain is all foggy. you can't think straight. you can't really talk bc the words just arent there #but unlike having the flu... this isnt rare #and you won't 'get better' #the symptoms will let up a little bit again enough for you to function better but you won't ever feel 100% #and it'll hit again. for no reason. and you get to go through multiple days of being bedbound feeling like you've caught the worst flu of yo #*your life. and nothing helps. nothing helps with the symptoms for more than a couple minutes at a time #and there's no telling when another flare will hit and you'll feel this awful again #its fucking terrifying living in a body that actively fights against you #................ anyway that's what i've been dealing with for the past couple days #and worst is today. god i woke up feeling like i was dying #no exaggeration. i considered going to the ER until i realized.... nope just a 'normal' flare level. just have to power through it #(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #health tw

[pluckyredhead]

What the heck is going on in Batman/Gotham War?

I know a lot of people in fandom are confused and/or upset about what's been going on in Gotham War - why is Bruce acting like this, what is Selina doing, why are the Batkids taking sides. So I figured I would fill you all in on what's been happening in Batman and Catwoman since Chip Zdarsky took over with Batman #125, because it has been BONKERS and I have been enjoying the hell out of it.

Below, the quickest summary I can manage while still being comprehensive:

[Content warning: mental illness, abuse, suicide (...ish), LOTS of violence.]

The first arc, "Failsafe," starts with Batman and Robin (Tim, in this case) in pursuit of the Penguin, who is on a killing spree. In the very first issue, Tim gets shot in the neck. Bruce has to take him to the hospital, but first he has to strip him out of his costume and put him in civilian clothes to preserve their secret identities, triggering memories of when he had to do the same to Jason's dead body. There is LITERALLY NO PURPOSE TO ANY OF THIS EXCEPT WHUMP (Tim is back in action with a fucking BAND-AID on his neck very quickly), which is how I knew this was going to be good. Beat Tim up! Make Bruce cry about Jason! I want these men to suffer! (There is also SO much to be said about Tim's own Poor Mental Health Decisions throughout the entirety of Zdarsky's run so far, but that's for a separate meta post.)

Anyway. Bruce leaves Tim in the hospital and goes to confront Penguin, who turns out to be dying of mercury poisoning. He kills himself and makes it look like Batman did it, forcing Bruce to flee. (Penguin actually faked his death and is alive elsewhere under an alias, but that's not important right now.)

In the Batcave, a massive robot called Failsafe emerges. Failsafe attacks Bruce, who usually eats killer robots for breakfast, but he can't seem to get the upper hand on this one. Duke, Cass, Steph, and Dick show up to help, but Failsafe beats them all too, while Tim gets an injured Bruce away and to the Batcave.

In the Batcave, Bruce puts on a weird purple and red Batman costume and a new personality takes over: the Batman of Zur-En-Arrh. Now, Zur has a very complicated history going back to 1958, but for the purposes of this story, all you need to know is that when he was younger, Bruce decided it would be good to hang out in a sensory deprivation chamber until his mind created a secondary personality, Zur, who is essentially Batman without Bruce. Zur is pure efficiency who does not care about anything but the mission. He created Failsafe, for one purpose: to kill Bruce if Bruce ever crossed the line and killed someone. And right now, Failsafe believes that Bruce killed Penguin.

Failsafe nearly kills Tim, which Zur is okay with writing off as an expendable soldier's death, but this causes Bruce to take control of the body back because "Tim isn't my soldier...HE'S MY SON!" (Tim Nation, why are you not ALL OVER this story? It's catnip.)

Babs calls in the JLA (SuperBat fans, you will also want to read Bruce's adoring description of Clark when he shows up), but of course Failsafe has kryptonite, which it stabs Clark with. The League dumps Clark and Bruce into the JLA jet and distracts Failsafe while Tim flies Clark and Bruce to the Fortress of Solitude. Bruce tells Tim he's a good boy and jumps out of the jet and into the ocean so that Tim and Clark will be safe from Failsafe. He's rescued by Arthur, who takes him to Atlantis to heal. THIS HAS ALL ONLY BEEN FOUR ISSUES SO FAR.

Two weeks later, Bruce wakes up to discover that Failsafe has taken over Gotham. He teleports up to the JLA Watchtower on the moon to lure Failsafe there, then blows the Watchtower up, hoping to catch a ride on one of the Javelins. But Failsafe has already destroyed them, so Bruce RIDES A BOOSTER ROCKET BACK TO EARTH, OXYGEN MASK CLAPPED OVER HIS FACE. The whole thing has some powerful Scooty-Puff Jr energy.

The only tricky part is reentry, when Bruce starts to burn up - his costume is fireproof, of course, but his chin is exposed. SO HE TAKES OFF HIS LITTLE BAT-PANTIES AND PUTS THEM OVER HIS HEAD. I swear to god this happened in a real comic book and the entire "Bruce falls off the moon and survives" sequence is utterly delectable goofy nonsense and I truly cannot recall a time I've had more fun reading a comic book.

Anyway, Bruce lands directly outside of the Fortress, BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES, and runs inside to find Clark and Tim. While Clark keeps Failsafe distracted, Bruce and Tim program nanobots to inject compassion into Failsafe. I SWEAR TO GOD. They zap him with the nanobots, but Failsafe pulls a high tech space gun out of the Fortress and shoots Bruce with it anyway, apparently disintegrating him. Tim falls to his knees in the snow, weeping. TIM NATION, WAKE UP, THIS RUN IS CANDY FOR YOU.

But of course Bruce isn't dead! That wasn't a killing gun, it was a "zap you into another dimension" gun!!! THAT was the compassion!

So Bruce finds himself in a dystopian alternate Gotham, and I'll be honest, I didn't love this arc ("The Bat-Man of Gotham") as much as I loved "Failsafe," but it has its moments. In this Gotham, Bruce Wayne is dead, so Regular Bruce is like "Oh boy, time to Batman this place up." Also he's plagued by hallucinations of a skeleton version of Jim Gordon who is still wearing a trench coat AND A MUSTACHE. Like I said, it has its moments.

This Gotham is controlled by Arkham, and anyone who is diagnosed as "crazy" is locked up. A new villain, Red Mask, is in charge, and Selina and a Venomed-up Harvey Dent work for him. Bruce teams up with an orphan kid (of course) named Jewel and goes after Red Mask, who turns out to be some guy named Darwin Halliday and ALSO...the Joker. Well, he's the Joker who hasn't been Jokerized yet. But one time he breathed in some chemicals that let him see into the main reality of the DCU (???) and glimpsed Regular Joker and now he wants to build an interdimensional machine to mentally connect with Regular Joker across universes which he assumes will make him insane, NATURALLY.

Bruce attacks Red Mask, who sics a Venomed-up Ghost Maker on him. Ghost Maker cuts off Bruce's right hand. Bruce cauterizes it with an electroshock machine and ties some spikes on it (SERIOUSLY) and goes after Red Mask again. Meanwhile Red Mask mentally connects with an alternate dimensional Joker...but instead of it driving Red Mask insane, he's what drives the Joker insane. Desperate to become the Joker somehow, anyhow, he jumps into the interdimensional portal, and Morally Dubious Alternate Universe Selina kicks Bruce in after him.

Meanwhile, Tim is in full "I KNOW I SAW HIM DIE BUT HE'S NOT DEAD" mode, which: bless. So he teams up with Jon Kent, which...gosh, what an astonishingly boring duo. I love Jon, I love Tim, they're perfectly nice and normal around each other, I'm falling asleep. Anyway Tim fights Toyman for a while and then makes a VERY stupid costume where the entire torso is a giant light-up R, because "I want him to see that Robin is coming to save him." GET A THERAPY, TIM.

Bruce finds himself first in the Michael Keaton Batman universe, then the Red Rain universe, BTAS, Batman Beyond (yes I know they're the same universe but I guess he goes there twice), Silver Age, Kingdom Come, Gotham by Gaslight, and more. Adam West gives him a utility belt. The Dark Knight Returns Bruce builds him a robot hand.

Finally Bruce and Red Mask reach the end of the multiverse, which is a Gotham asteroid floating in space, surrounded by giant Jokerized sharks. LUCKILY BRUCE HAS BAT-SHARK REPELLANT IN HIS ADAM WEST UTILITY BELT!!! Honestly this whole arc was worth it for that moment.

Bruce knocks Red Mask out, but now he's stuck. He has a device from Batman Beyond Bruce to get home, but it's only good for one person, and he can't leave Red Mask there to die. Of course, that's when Tim shows up in his stupid giant glowing R costume and they hug it out, thereby fulfilling but also compounding all of Tim's issues since 1989.

Anyway things are fine now, right? Sure, Bruce is hallucinating that his family is on fire, and the Zur personality is not going neatly back into the box where it's been all these years, and he still has a robot hand (Damian, hilariously, immediately announces that he wants one too), but he's FINE. He is a little bit mad at Selina, because she broke out of jail (she was in jail because she killed her fuckbuddy because he was trying to kill Bruce), and also because she didn't tell him Penguin was alive and that would have stopped Failsafe, and also because Other Selina kicked into another universe. Selina, very fairly, is like "Well I'm not responsible for Other Selinas and also maybe don't build robots to kill yourself with and not tell anyone about them???"

THEN we got Knight Terrors, the summer event in which a villain called Nightmare caused everyone to fall asleep and, uh, have nightmares. Bruce, specifically, had a nightmare that he met an eight-year-old version of himself that vomited up a man-sized bat with a gun for a head. I laughed SO HARD. Bruce also had his body borrowed by Deadman for the duration of the event, so while he endured the psychological toll of nightmares like everyone else, he also endured the physical toll of everything Deadman was doing PLUS the mental toll of being aware of what was happening in the waking world even though he couldn't control his body. As soon as the event was over, he lapsed into a coma so that his body could get some damn rest.

Okay. Now we're up to Gotham War.

(I know, I know. But for all of you who are like "How could Bruce do this???" about Gotham War...*points up* THAT'S HOW. HE IS NOT WELL.)

Bruce awakens from his coma and IMMEDIATELY decides to Fight A Crime even though Babs is like "Maybe don't?" But he can't find any crime, which is...weird. His kids confirm that Gotham's been super quiet since he's been out.

Selina hears that Bruce is awake and is like okay, time to pay the piper. She calls all of the Bats to a meeting and explains that she's the reason crime has been down. See, villains like Joker and Two-Face always have goons, right? But what if the goon supply dried up because the goons have better jobs? So Selina has trained All The Goons In Gotham to be...cat burglars. No violence, no stealing from anyone who can't afford it. More importantly, no helping Scarecrow or whoever commit mass murder.

All of the Batkids are like "Hmm...I feel uncertain about this, but it's working...I don't know what to think..." except for Jason, who thinks it's hilarious and is instantly Team Selina, and Damian, who is staunchly Team Bruce. Bruce, meanwhile, is like "No! NO! THIS IS CRIMES, AND CRIMES IS BAD!" and Selina's like "I mean, robbing from the rich is basically a victimless crime" and Bruce screams, I swear to god, "MY PARENTS WERE 'RICH'!" Inexplicable scare quotes and all. I laughed so hard.

Anyway this is the basis for Gotham War and it is endlessly hilarious to me because everyone in the Batfamily is supposed to be a genius and yet not one single character has pointed out that:

There are jobs the goons could be doing that AREN'T illegal. It's not just violent crime vs. nonviolent crime. There are in fact many other jobs! I am POSITIVE Gotham needs construction workers and hospital orderlies. (Yes, I know it's hard for people with records to get jobs. That isn't addressed.)

Being Batman is SUPER ILLEGAL.

They are all so stupid.

Selina's plan doesn't even work, because one of her thieves gets killed by a rich person defending their home, and Bruce is like "See? This is why crime is bad!" and like...pretty much snaps. He's particularly fixated on Jason, even (rhetorically) threatening to kill him, which is when the other kids jump into the fray on Jason's side, all except for Damian, who like I said is firmly Team Bruce. (This makes complete sense to me, Damian has been dealing with severe trauma and isolation pretty much nonstop since 2018 and he and Bruce have finally made a tenuous peace, so I can understand why he wouldn't want to lose that.)

Also, Vandal Savage buys Wayne Manor. It's so random and SO funny.

OKAY BATMAN #138. Bruce has kidnapped Jason and injected him with a variation on fear toxin which will be triggered whenever Jason's adrenaline spikes, the idea being that Jason is no longer capable of killing - but in practice, Jason is no longer capable of even getting up off the floor, he's so terrified. I want to be really, really clear here: Bruce is like 90% Zur here, and the only reason he goes this route and doesn't kill Jason is because the remaining 10% that's still Bruce loves Jason and is trying to help him. He's just incapable of good or humane help because Zur literally can't do feelings.

Dick knows something is up and is sneaking around Bruce's Secret Other House We've Never Heard Of to figure out what it is. Damian attacks him to protect Bruce. Tim attacks Damian so that Dick can do what he needs to do, and handcuffs Damian to a parking meter:

THERE IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE!!! TIM GO TO THERAPY! DAMIAN GO TO THERAPY! EVERYONE GO TO THERAPY!!!!!

Dick figures out what Bruce did to Jason (it's on the computer, for...some reason?) and absolutely loses his shit on Bruce, beating the crap out of him, which tbh is the only thing that felt off to me in this run because frankly I don't think Dick likes Jason that much. BUT WHATEVER.

Tim pulls Dick off of Bruce. Bruce leaves them both tangled in a net and flees as the cops approach. Zur's like "Good, fuck 'em" in Bruce's head, because the cops will expose Dick, Tim, and Damian's secret identities and Bruce will be free of the dead weight of a family, but the little bit of Bruce still in there throws Dick a batarang so he can free them all in time.

Then Bruce leaves. Damian is devastated.

I WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS PAGE. Damian really thought he could have Bruce's love and loyalty if he turned on everyone else! Tim is going to be a therapy dog to a Wayne even if he has to settle for the one he doesn't like! That unresisting, blank hug made me SCREAM when I turned the page. Incredible. (Also the art fucking S L A P S, god bless you Jorge Jimenez.)

ALSO it turns out that Selina's second in command has been Vandal Savage's daughter Scandal Savage the whole time and they are turning Selina's cat burglar army into their own personal army WHOOPS. (This also feels very OOC for Scandal but at this point I trust Zdarsky with my life so let's see where things go.)

SO THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON IN GOTHAM WAR. TL;DR:

Bruce is unhinged because he nearly died like 19 times in a week and it unlocked the smaller, meaner purple Batman that lives inside him.

Selina is unaware that you can get money legally.

Tim is going to have a nervous breakdown if he can't fix someone, ANYONE.

Damian needs a hug but ideally from someone he actually likes this time.

Jason is so scared.

THE END.

#batman #bruce wayne #gotham war #meta #i can't believe how long this is

[aajjks]

Desperado (m)

synopsis. There was no time for intimacy and jungkook learned the hard way.

warnings: MÄTÜRE THÈMÈS. YÄNDÊRÊ, DÄRK, mêntǐöns öf prẽgnâncy, mêntǐöns öf älmöst dy-ng dürïng chïldbïrth, obsěssïvè bëhävïöür, pössessïvênêss, jk ïs cräy cräy, cryïng, smüt (förëpläy), kïssïng, lüsty jk, he ïs jǔst hörny änd w-nts tö fück lmäo

note. I understand that this kind of a topic can be a sensitive topic for many of us, pregnancy is not something everyone is comfy reading about so viewer discretion is advised!

He never wanted you to get pregnant.

This was not supposed to happen,

Jungkook couldn’t help but glare at the tiny little sleeping human in the white crib as he sat right infront of it.

The baby’s chubby cheeks huffed as he took little breaths, a little hue of pink sprinkled over them.

how could he sleep so peacefully after ruining Jungkook’s life! Jungkook bit the inside of his cheeks in jealousy.

This tiny little brat has already taken you away from him. You were Jungkook’s only happiness but now ever since you gave birth, you are obsessed with this little devil.

You have forgotten about Jungkook completely. He who was the reason you got pregnant in the first place!

Jungkook regretted doing that… why can’t he ever control his lust when it comes to you, and now his lust was the result of the baby who was sleeping so peacefully right infront of him.

And now, here he is after so many sleepless nights to watch over the baby while you were busy showering. You are really paranoid and possessive when it comes to the child and it’s safety.

And you have made jungkook promised that he’s going to watch over the baby while you tend to your business.

Jungkook’s head hurts so much. When was the last time you guys had sex? He can’t even remember. It’s all gone now.

You have been snatched away from him and he can’t do anything! Jungkook will never understand why you wanted to have this baby anyways?!? You guys together were already perfect.

And not to forget that you both are still so young, and there was no need to hurry.

This child is a devil and you fail to see that! Having this baby almost killed you, your fragile self was not ready for it, Jungkook hated him so much, so fucking much.

But you have always so stubborn.

Your maternal side was something that Jungkook used to adore, because you were always so loving and caring towards him.

But now? Now that you were an actual mother, you completely neglect your boyfriend. Jungkook huffs in annoyance as the thoughts run through his mind.

You always wanted to become a mom.

His glare never left the baby who was soundly asleep, it was unfair that how much he looked like Jungkook, anyone could tell that that was his son.

It was undeniable. The baby even stole his face!

Jungkook hates his child so much!

Jungkook hated children, he always despised the idea of someone else coming in between you, you were always supposed to be his and only his!

Jungkook is a needy person and he knows that… he needs your love and attention like a little child, he is addicted to you, and now that his addiction isn’t being satisfied.

He is starting to lose his sanity.

“Y/N…” Jungkook whines into your warmth as he feels your fingers scratch his head, his warm breath hitting your tummy as his hands grabs wrap around it, his legs are resting onto yours as the man is on top you, laying so peacefully and your scent is calming his mind and your touch feels so good, His eyes are closed as he snuggles deeper and deeper into you.

Your hair is still wet, and you smell so fresh.

God… you smell so good, how much he’s missed this… you.

“Y/N…. I miss you so much..” You hear Jungkook speak in a broken tone, like he is so tired. “You don’t pay me any attention anymore, you don’t care for me anymore…” he cries, his head shaking to the sides, as he lifts his face up from your belly. “I need you so much… you don’t even make love to me anymore!”

He whines again, complaining as he looks into your eyes while you look at him with confusion, Jungkook stares at your face, he notices the tiredness, your eyes are absolutely tired, dark circles present. “Please love me too! You only care about him!” He groans as he nuzzles his face in your neck.

It tickles because hes breathing so heavily.

“When was the last time you touched me, do you even remember Y/N? Fuck… I ache for your touch on my body… please.” He could barely whisper, but his tone changes to a seductive one as he presses light butterfly kisses on your neck. You close your eyes as your heart clenches in guilt when you hear the desperation in his voice.

Even though he’s complaining most of the time, but he’s not completely wrong.

It is true that you have been neglecting him, heck, you love your baby so much that you have forgotten about Jungkook.

“I’m sorry baby… you are right… I’m sorry… but I’ve been so tired ever since… Ji-Hwan came into our lives… I’ve been super focused on him- “B-But what about me yn?” he cut you off, eyebrows furrowing as he removes his head from your neck, and he is glaring at you, “I should be your first priority!” Jungkook harshly says but when he sees you getting shocked at his sudden change in demeanor.

And now he feels guilty.

so his eyes soften, and he apologizes,

“But I can’t really blame you because you are so tired… please, let me make you feel good… you look like you need it.” Jungkook gets up from your body and takes your hand and guides it towards his crotch.

You gasp as you feel it.

“See? I’ve been so needy for you that your touch got me all hard… please kiss me, can I have a kiss now? Baby don’t you think that I deserve it?” Jungkook’s eyes are dark, hey bites his lower lip, eyes filled with lust, as he leans close to your face stopping his rambling.

He looks at your body, and he notices the dress that you’re wearing. It’s cruel how much you look good in that dress, it’s so simple yet so sexy.

Your lips were only a centimetre apart, until Jungkook connected them together, your lips immediately melt into his.

Jungkook doesn’t waste a second to take your breath away by sliding his tongue inside your mouth, exploring it, his tongue hitting every corner of your mouth.

His hands grab onto your breasts as he squeezes them, moaning into your mouth, his kiss only gets more feverish as he starts to grind close to your heat.

You moan lightly at the fraction, as he presses his lips to yours harder, moaning again.

“F-Fuck… you feel so good baby… need you now..” he cries, voice all breathy and you can’t help but whine in response, your body feels so hot.

His husky voice sends shivers down your spine, he pushes you into the bed as your lips finally disconnect after what felt like hours.

Jungkook quickly takes off his shirt as he climbes on top of you, impatient and hungry.

His hand plays with the strap of your floral dress, but it’s been so long that his warm hands feel so cold and, foreign to you. “Fuck fuck fuck!” He curses in excitement as he pulles you in another kiss.

Your lips connecting together once again, Jungkook groans in desire. His strong hands grip on your shoulders so tightly that you welp in pain.

“Sorry baby can’t really contain myself… I need to be inside you so bad!” His voice was laced with lust, he was almost crying, his apology is rushed.

But as soon as his hands are between your legs, his fingers taking your panties off, you’re waiting in anticipation, And he’s almost taken them off,

I can’t believe that he’ll finally get to have sex with you after so long. His heartbeat is so loud and he is so impatient but then the luck isn’t really on his side, because you guys hear the baby monitor beep, and your senses awaken immediately in realisation.

“Jungkook get off! He’s awake, he must be hungry!” You push the man off you as you quickly get up,

Not giving a chance for Jungkook to react or even comprehend, what just happened now, he’s watching you with shock in his eyes,, you exit the room while fixing your dress before, he can call out your name.

And behind you, Jungkook cries, cussing out loudly, growling,

“FUCK MY LIFE.” with a raging boner.

#jungkook smut #yandere bts #bts smut #jungkook ff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook x reader #jjk smut #yandere jungkook #yandere jjk #jjk fluff #jungkook fluff #jeongguk smut #bts fic #jungkook fic #yandere smut #smut #jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #jjk angst #bts x you #jungkook x you #jungkook x yn #bangtan smut

[avocado-writing]

Companions reacting to Tav telling them they love them right in the middle(or after) a fight?? Like Tav is just so in awe of seeing em in action<3

oh! So sweet! Absolutely, here you go anon - writing as if you’ve seen them do something magnificent in battle & are so overcome with love that you have no choice but to blurt it out! (some stuff under a cut for being a bit NSFW LMAO) plus mentions of blood & violence

Astarion

stabs someone attacking you from out of the darkness with such efficiency they’re dead before they hit the ground

you’re blown away by the bloodlust and fury in his eyes - how DARE someone try to hurt you?

”I love you,” you choke out, wide-eyed and trembling from fear and emotion.

he’s shocked, but reaches over to give you a quick and bloody kiss before stabbing someone approaching behind you and urging you to get back to the fight

tells you later it was very silly to be distracting yourselves like that… but he does appreciate it nonetheless 😌

Wyll

we’ve seen the way he’s introduced in game, we know he’s a fan of some showmanship

you see him deal with three opponents at once, Eldritch Blasts in one hand and rapier in the other, and shout that you love him almost instinctively

when he finishes seeing them off he leaps across the battlefield, spins you, and gives you a fiery kiss before darting back up to block another sword

you feel like you’ve had the air stolen from your lungs but quickly manage to recalibrate yourself - you have a fight to win!

you can’t help stealing glances at his fine form for the rest of the battle though 😏

Gale

we know canonically he gets turned on from watching you fight.

you yell out that you love him after seeing him sling the coolest Fireball? he’s putty in your hands afterwards.

so desperate, kissing you, begging for your hands to be all over him

“you are so wonderful, my heart… to see you in battle… it set every inch of me aflame…”

gets you into a routine of quickies after battle bc the two of you are fired up. neither of you mind delaying your adventure to fuck rough and fast. the rest of the party… could do without that.

Karlach

is busy raging and does NOT hear you lol

roars in response but that could just be a normal battle roar when it comes to her tbf

she finds you afterwards though, a little sheepish, and is like “oh erm did you say you loved me mid-battle?”

”yes! you looked so cool cleaving that dude in half karlach, I was a bit swept up…”

her face goes bright(er) red and she actually giggles before pulling you into a kiss

“things like that make this all worthwhile, solider. I love you too.”

Shadowheart

you’re dying. she floods you with a cure wounds so powerful it starts your heart again and also cures, like, an unrelated ache in your hip too, lol

you look up at her, bathed in the blood of battle, and she is like an angel sent from the heavens

“I love you” you manage to croak out from cracked lips

“I know,” she says, utterly unfazed, and then pushes you to your feet to keep on fighting

does give you a sweet smooch after battle though, to let you know she appreciated it 😌

Lae’zel

“tsk’va! there is a time and a place for this!”

she swings her sword and cuts a man’s head clean off, showering you both in a rain of warm blood, and you’re enchanted with her.

has to fight people off from wounding you because you’re so distracted oops

afterwards tells you that you cannot afford to be so absent-minded in battle… but does hold you close and rest her forehead to yours, allowing a moment of connected closeness between you ❤️

Halsin

you confess it when you see him bear out and start ripping people into pieces.

he is just… incredible. all raw power and brilliance.

you shout your love over to him and the bear roars before taking the head off of a zombie in one bite

always fights nearby you anyway, but will make an effort to get closer so he can hear your words of affection better!

plods over to you in wildshape afterwards and nuzzles into you, huffing happily when you bury your hands in his fur and give him a scratch 💕

Minthara

her blade is full of the might of her god, and she is going to use it to sunder her opponents.

you’re dazzled, in utter awe when she kills a fiend with a single blow from her sword

you can’t help the words falling from your lips.

she lifts her shield to block a blow from falling on you, and in its shade she gives you a kiss and says one word:

”good.”

#shadowheart x reader #shadowheart x tav #karlach x reader #karlach x tav #gale x reader #gale x tav #gale dekarios x reader #gale of waterdeep x reader #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion ancunin x reader #halsin x reader #halsin x tav #lae’zel x reader #lae’zel x tav #Wyll x reader #wyll x tav #wyll ravengard x reader #Wyll ravengard x tav #minthara x tav #minthara x reader #My writing #request