#my life has been nothing but a test in endurance and i don’t want it

[soobnny]

i hate that man — kim seungmin.

trope. enemies to lovers. college au. fluff. seungmin being a menace.

synopsis. the four times you think you hate seungmin, and the one time you think that might not have been true after all

word count. 5.5k words

warnings. a joke about jumping out the window, crying over a failed test exam, curse words

author’s note. inspired by that tiktok audio!! u know which one i’m talking about. credits to a dialogue i got from here (ur thoughts n feedbacks r always appreciated)

one.

Kim Seungmin is not your favorite person.

He is infuriating in the way he enjoys invading your personal space, always hovering around and blabbering his mouth nonstop every chance he gets. It doesn’t help his case (not that he wants to defend it in the first place) that he finds joy in hiding your things from you. You’d be damned if you left your notebook, even a pen, on your desk unattended. You already know the culprit is seated directly behind you, and the only thing you can do is ignore him in hopes that he returns it to you unscathed.

It’s much easier to not understand the reasons for why he annoys you. You would hate to find the truth behind his actions for the fear that he did it simply because he wanted to. This would only mean there was nothing to resolve to get him to stop.

Or worse, that he hates you. You admit with shame that you thought you’d actually get along quite well with Seungmin when you first met him. It felt like a scene straight out of a movie, playful banter and soft smiles directed to each other and the hopes of meeting each other again. It was honestly like a fairytale — until it wasn’t.

And you’ve tried before, to find out. You’ve made sufficient efforts in scouring for answers as to why he was that way with you, going as far as to asking Hwang Hyunjin (as embarrassing as that turned out to be). But, you had come out of all that empty-handed. So, you leave the unknown unknown and since then decided to just endure it. But it still has you wondering from time to time, had you burned down an orphanage in your past life to deserve this? Had you done something so sinister to be plagued by the presence of Kim Seungmin on a daily basis?

So, while you don’t necessarily hate the boy, you’d go as far as to say he was probably your least favorite person. And that notion weighs heavy considering you know resident menace Choi Beomgyu.

Still, Choi Beomgyu had nothing on Kim Seungmin so he’d have to accept being second to the last on your self-proclaimed list.

Speaking of the devil.

Seungmin parades into your classroom like he owns the place, laughing aloud side by side his friends. You simply drown out his obnoxiousness, the way you always do, though it never works considering it’s apparently his top priority to get on your nerves.

“Another Mcdonalds takeout?” He inquires, picking up the discarded paper bag on your desk to look inside. “You really should stop eating this junk so early in the morning.”

“Wow, keep saying things like that and I’ll start to believe you’re starting to care about me.” You abruptly grab the bag from his hands, moving to the back of your classroom to throw your trash properly before the professor walks in.

“Don’t be silly.” He simply laughs, taking his seat on your desk. “What do you even order?”

“Food, obviously.”

“No shit, Sherlock. What food specifically?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Can’t I ask a simple question?”

You know he won’t leave you alone if you don’t answer him. And you hate that you know that. So, with a begrudging sigh, you answer the boy. “Just nuggets and a Big Mac, now get off my desk.”

“Since you asked so nicely.” He’s being sarcastic, evident in how it’s obnoxiously dripping down his tone, but you can’t find it in you to care. As long as he’s out of your hair for a few minutes.

And you almost think the Gods have answered your prayers when you don’t come across him for the rest of the day. Something about that tells you there is a silver lining for the day, even if it is only ever a little line. You would hate to be blessed with his presence atop the Chemistry test you had at 7pm.

It’s one of the few advantages to signing up for night classes. The college halls were usually dead this hour, save for a few students on their way to the library after having their fifth cup of coffee for the day. And the lack of Kim Seungmin. It’s one sacrifice, giving up hours of your night, but honestly it really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. Especially when your professor always ends early in consideration of those who still had to commute back home — they had to catch the last train somehow.

To replace Seungmin, you had Yang Jeongin in your class, but he usually kept to himself more. He was a lot more civilized than his friend, and you’ve been hoping this would’ve at least rubbed off on Seungmin.

“You ready for the test?” Jeongin asks after you had taken your seat next to him. The first thing you discern is the lack of textbooks and notes on his desk compared to everyone else’s pathetic attempt to review last minute. It seems he’s given up like you did.

“Absolutely the fuck not. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet so this is going to be a disaster.” You laugh, dropping your bag down on the ground just as your professor walks in. Jeongin is on his phone for the rest of the free time you have left before test papers and answer sheets were distributed.

It’s a horrible hour and a half, and the difficulty of the test makes you want to fall to your knees and weep. The lack of dinner in your stomach doesn’t exactly help your case as by the last few minutes of the test, you couldn’t care less about why you use ammonium oxalate to precipitate Calcium and Magnesium. The only thing in your head is a picture of your go-to Mcdonalds order as you pass your paper.

A jumpscare greets you on your way out in the form of Kim Seungmin who is holding a Mcdonalds paper bag in his hands, the same one you had just been daydreaming about.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” The sight of the boy spikes up your blood pressure, and you have to pause in your step to catch your breath after not having dinner, suffering through a long test, and seeing Seungmin all within the span of a few hours.

Though, what he does next surprises you.

“I ordered too much for Innie so you can have this, I guess.” He mumbles, shoving the brown paper bag in your direction. It scorches your fingers as you reached to grab it before it can fall to the ground.

It was a strange sight for Seungmin to be giving you something without asking. Strange and funny for it had occurred to you that if someone were to tell you Seungmin would be your stomach’s knight in shining armor, you wouldn’t have been able to believe yourself.

“Oh, thanks? You didn’t… poison this, did you?”

“How little do you think of me?” He simply walks away before you can reply to him again.

You scrunch your nose in confusion, leaning down to look into the contents of the Mcdonalds paper bag he had just given you.

Nuggets and a Big Mac.

Was this also Jeongin’s go-to order?

When you look back up, said boy greets you with french fries stuffed in his mouth. There’s a hint of a smirk that’s barely visible from his puffed out cheeks.

“You know, you can be really stupid.” Jeongin giggles to himself, patting down your head and messing with your hair a little before waving you goodbye. “Bye (name)!”

You simply stare at their retreating figures, head tilted as you try to drink in what Jeongin had just told you.

Stupid about what? The test?

two.

What is the connotation of a very thrilled Kim Seungmin walking into the campus library as you’re struggling with your part for your joint project?

You’re almost convinced something significant had happened for him to walk in with a shit-eating grin on his face, but you know better than that now. So, you simply ignore him, turning back to your laptop as Felix and Hyunjin greet the boy. He’s late, but knowing him, he’s probably finished his part of the project. You hate to acknowledge his competence, but you have to give credit where credit is due.

You could obviously ask for help, but you’d run through the streets naked first before ever asking the boy to help you. You refuse to be subjected to his taunting more than you already were. Besides, you don’t need help from someone like Seungmin. He’d probably be so arrogant about how you needed his help.

Rubbing your eyes for a split second, you go back to furiously typing at your laptop — so aggressively that Yeji has to pull you back for a bit in fear that you’d destroy your keyboard.

The five of you work on the project diligently, finishing the monstrosity of your synthesis paper for Life Science at almost one in the morning.

When everyone moves to leave, you stay behind, telling them you still had a few deadlines to catch up on, namely a Statistics paper and a book review for your English Literary class. While it wasn’t exactly due yet, it doesn’t hurt to start them when the pump of coffee is already in your system.

“See you guys tomorrow!” You say in a hushed tone, waving at the group before moving your attention back on your laptop.

And maybe it’s the sleep deprivation getting to you but you don’t notice Seungmin still situated at the opposite end of your table.

He doesn’t say anything either. He knows you’re running 50% coffee and 50% restlessness, so he simply sits back in his chair with a book in hand.

He could use the time to annotate anyway.

When Seungmin glances back at you thirty minutes later, he can only watch in amusement when he finds you close to passing out on the wooden table of the library. Your eyelids are starting to droop, and even though it seems you’re trying your hardest to fight it, you find that your sleeved arm is far too comfortable to refuse.

He immediately puts down his book, moving across the table to wake you up. It seems the appropriate time to tell you to go home and get some rest.

When you don’t respond to the gentle shake of your shoulder, he choose the next best thing to wake you up. With a text book in hand, he drops it on the space right beside your head, creating a loud enough sound to jolt you in your sleep.

“Come on. We’re going home. You’re a lost cause, anyway.”

“Fuck you.” You grumble sleepily, sitting up and squinting at your laptop before shutting it down so you can start packing up.

“I’m flattered, really, but no thanks.”

You scoff, and he simply smirks in response as he helps you put your things back in your bag.

“Why are you still here anyway?” It’s a question you’ve been meaning to ask him since you finally noticed him an hour back, but you chose to bite down on your tongue and stay silent instead.

He shrugs. “Had to annotate this book, and I’m already at the library so I might as well.”

“Okay, whatever.” You move to grab a pen that had fallen on the ground carelessly, and in the process, you feel your head collide with Seungmin’s hand instead of the harsher corner of the table.

You see red almost immediately. You hate to admit the small gesture has butterflies erupting in your stomach.

He doesn’t say anything as he pulls his hand back, so you don’t make a big deal out of it.

“What time is it?”

“Almost 4 in the morning.”

You hum, thinking of how you were gonna get back to your dorm. It was probably still dark outside, and you weren’t exactly willing to put yourself in danger over finishing up a few schoolworks at the library.

“You can go ahead. I’ll just text Ode to see if he’s still awake.”

“Why?” He quips, pausing to stand next to you outside the doors of the building when you stop walking.

“You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“There is a chance, yes. But I might not.” Seungmin smirks, and you roll your eyes.

“I don’t wanna walk alone in the dark.”

If Seungmin wants to laugh and poke fun, it seems he’s doing a good job at holding back. “Don’t disturb his sleep. I’ll walk you back instead.”

“Wow, you’re actually being nice to me for once.” You say jokingly.

“I won’t make a habit out of it. Besides, I was the last person seen with you and I don’t wanna be responsible if you go missing.”

There goes being nice.

This is how you end up walking home with Kim Seungmin. You don’t remember much about the walk home, just the proximity from where he’s walking next to you and the warmth radiating from him in contrast to the cold night. He has his hands in his pockets the whole way home, and it’s the little details like what seems to be the first genuine smile you see from him that you remember the most.

When you reach your dorm, he simply stares at you in a way you’re not used to before bowing and turning around his step to start walking back to his own dorm.

three.

A month later, Chan from your university’s basketball team decides to host a party at his house.

Being friends with half of his friends had its perks in that he enthusiastically invites you when you walk past him by your department’s hallways. And while you had every intent to decline his offer, Ryujin had already accepted for you and told him he’d be seeing you both there.

And by 8pm, you find yourselves inside his packed house, trying to navigate your way through drunken college kids. The entire first floor reeked of alcohol and sweat which wasn’t a great combination by all means.

The music is loud from Chan’s speakers, and you immediately want to go home and jump into the comforting sheets of your bed to sleep the night away. Ryujin doesn’t let you flee as she leads you to the kitchen where she tells you of where Chan hides his secret stash of snacks and ice cream. Another silver lining.

You spend an hour chatting and laughing on the kitchen counter with Ryujin, a spoonful of ice cream in your mouths as you make fun of multiple people’s dancing — not that any of you could do any better. Actually, scratch that, Ryujin could probably take them all on. You continuously ask if it was okay for you to be stealing these expensive tubs of ice cream and Ryujin just tells you she’s done it before, and that Bang Chan could most definitely afford some more if he wanted to. So, you continue to eat the ice cream without guilt.

Well, until Chan catches the pair of you, and you apologize profusely. He just laughs it off, looking at the two of you fondly before feigning a scolding. Turns out, he simply wanted you two to join him and his friends in a round of truth or dare upstairs.

Another thing to add and check off your non-existent bucket list. To be deemed sociable enough to be included in an exclusive circle of friend’s truth or dare despite only knowing around 4 people there. You think it might just be Ryujin’s doing, but you happily tag along to escape the mass of people downstairs.

When you make it upstairs, you’re surprised to see you know a lot more people than you thought you would. Yeji was there, seated beside who you think is Karina. Jeongin is with his friends, Seungmin included. Some of them you know, and some you just learned to be Jisung, Changbin, and Minho. The rest don’t really matter to you as you prop yourselves down in the circle.

And then a round of the game starts, and you start to question the things in this world that perplexed you. You used to think it were simple things — wet doorknobs, tuna fish, cramps, back pains. But after tonight, you might have to start modifying your own list. You can start with someone’s attempt to rap freestyle, the sight of a shirtless Han Jisung whom you’ve barely exchanged a word with but now have seen him half naked, the sudden knowledge of who was wearing a Spongebob themed underwear, someone (you believe was Minho?) roleplaying a scene from Zootopia. The list is endless.

Who knew a game of truth or dare could be this chaotic? Though, you probably should’ve known that especially being thrown into a group of such dynamic people.

Before you know it, the bottle lands on you and you’ve never wanted to wipe the smirk on Jeongin’s face so much than right now because you know he’s probably planning something that has to do with Kim Seungmin.

You think you can keep your anxiety at bay, that is until he starts whispering with Felix and Hyunjin and you swear that if someone opened the window right now, there’s a high chance you would make a run for it and jump and simply hope for the best.

“Don’t worry, it isn’t anything crazy! You can stop chewing on your nails.” You flush in embarrassment when the group laughs, and Ryujin runs a comforting hand down your back to make sure the attention isn’t too overwhelming for you.

“I dare you to hug Seungmin.”

“Excuse me?” You ask him to repeat his dare to you as if you hadn’t heard him. But you did. Loud and clear in fact.

The smirk on his face only grows. “I said, hug Seungmin.”

Okay, you know what, that should be simple. You sigh out in response before getting up from your seat to make your way towards where Seungmin’s situated, thankful he didn’t let you do anything as embarrassing as the others.

However, the closer you make towards where Seungmin is, wearing a top that accentuated his broad shoulders way too perfectly, and sporting a smug grin on his face, you start to think this might be the most difficult one of the night yet.

Seungmin stands in compliance to your dare, and you feel all eyes in the circle shift to the pair of you, as if anticipating it more than you.

His eyes survey you, as if to question if you were really gonna do it. And to egg you on further, he decides to open his arms wide which earns a few howls and whistles from the room. God, you hate him. You really really hate him.

And then you do it, just to get it over with, and Seungmin’s expression switches to a more taken back one. He didn’t expect you to actually push through with the dare. The longer the hug lasts, the more a ghost of a smile threatens to spill from his lips.

You have your arms wrapped around the entirety of his body, and his own resting just around your waist, and he’s crouched down a little so he can match your height better without you having to tiptoe so much.

When he presses you closer, the whole room erupts in cheers; vomiting air, nudging each other, and whistling.

Seungmin allows himself a quick glance at you, but there isn’t much to see when your face is pressed firmly against his chest. Perhaps to try and hide from the embarrassment of your friends shouting “get a room” even if you were just hugging.

He feels so warm in the air conditioned room, and it seems he didn’t have much to drink tonight when he smells more like fresh laundry and the perfume he always wears. This feels nice actually. But you would never tell him that. In fact, you have every intention of taking that observation to your grave.

When you finally notice the glances of friends and acquaintances alike around you, you pull back from the hug and immediately make your way back to your seat without another word.

You make a vow to yourself to get back at Jeongin for humiliating you like that — however, there’s a persistent voice in your head telling you that maybe you hadn’t minded that hug one bit the way you let on.

You ignore it.

four.

The sound of a shutter going off and a flash of light greets you immediately upon entering your classroom another month later.

It seems Seungmin’s found an upgraded way to annoy you (as if hiding your things wasn’t enough). With a new phone gifted to him on his birthday, he seems insistent on catching you when you’re unprepared. It makes you frustrated — as if he wasn’t enough of an irritant.

You should be used to Seungmin doing stupid things all the time, but even after months, you find that it really is a difficult task to endure. Why is he so intent on irritating you? You’re starting to seek for the answers you told yourself to stay unknown. How could you keep letting him be without knowing why he enjoys getting a rise out of you so much?

To add insult to injury, his loud voice greets you a good morning as he waves his phone around at you. You hope it falls and shatters.

Too far?

“What? Are you camera shy?” He smirks mischievously, turning to focus his camera back on you.

“At what point do you become mature?”

“Hm, not for a long time, I don’t think.” You have to remind yourself he’s provoking you for the sake of it, and you really shouldn’t be as affected as you feel right now. So, you breathe in sharply through your nose and just let him be.

When class ends, you’re quick to rant to Ryujin about Seungmin’s new discovery at getting a kick out of you.

“He won’t stop taking fucking pictures of me.” You mutter indignantly, putting all your frustration into your words.

“You know, they say you only take photos of things if you have love for the subject.”

“What are you trying to imply?”

“Just that there must be a reason why he’s so intent on having your face litter the memory of his new phone.” Ryujin smirks when your face starts to flush red at the realization of what she’s suggesting.

“Oh, shut up.” Your words don’t come out as intimidating as you want it to, and you spend the rest of the day thinking about it.

You confront Seungmin the next day, just so you can stop thinking about it. “Why are you taking so much photos of me?”

You’re already expecting that smirk on his face, and a feigned confusion. But, to your surprise, he looks genuinely surprised at your question. You’d go as far as saying he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

You’ve unknowingly caught his tongue, but he catches himself before you can catch on. With a half-assed smirk on his face, he says the best excuse that comes in his mind.

“Just so I have multiple material to use when I need to blackmail you.”

You’re appalled, and frustrated at yourself for thinking what Ryujin was hinting at might be true. You don’t even know why you were hoping in the first place. You don’t like the boy, right?

Your lips press into a straight line, and you swear your blood vessels might burst if you stare at him any longer so you storm back to your seat and ignore him for the rest of the day.

five.

There comes a point in the semester when all you’ll know is the quivering of your knees and the bloodshot red of your eyes from crying too much.

For you, it’s the result of a failed test score on a subject you studied really hard for.

You draw your knees up to press your face against them, finding solace in the quiet of the night outside. It’s early enough that you aren’t scared to walk home alone just yet.

You hear footsteps around you, but you simply drown them out in favor of focusing on washing out your frustration over yourself and that stupid test. Though, it proves a more difficult task when someone slides into the seat next to yours. When you look up, you see Seungmin staring at you. And he’s looking at you with an expression you don’t quite recognize, but equally don’t have the energy to try and deduce.

“Seungmin, I’m not really in the mood—“ He shuts you up with a handkerchief shoved in front of your face. “Why are you offering me a handkerchief?”

“Because you’re crying and seeing your stupid tears makes me upset. So wipe them away.” You stare at the handkerchief before studying his features for any hint of malice, but you see nothing but honest concern. You can’t help but feel a little touched at the uncharacteristic gesture.

“Thanks.” He hums, smiling gently down at you, and you think you’ve never seen him look this small before.

When you take the handkerchief from him, you make sure to return what looks like a trial of a smile amidst your scornful face and Seungmin is genuinely shocked you’d actually direct the closest thing to a smile at him — as if he had expected you to brush off his own and reject it.

When he shifts a little closer to where you’re seated, you surprisingly don’t feel repulsed at the distance and the way his shoulders brush against yours.

“Is it something you wanna talk about?”

The cold and quiet atmosphere of the night and the way Seungmin is looking down at you encourages you to speak, the way you never thought you would with the boy.

“Not really. Just… I’m so stupid for failing that test. And, and maybe if I studied harder than I would’ve at least gotten a more decent score.” You sigh, playing with the handkerchief as you look down in humiliation.

Seungmin scrunches his face. “It’s not your fault. We win some, we lose some. What matters is that we keep going despite the losses.”

He doesn’t snap back at you with a snarky remark like he usually would. Instead, he gives genuinely useful advice, and you think your ears could be deceiving you if he wasn’t seated directly next to you.

“Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you to say something like that.” You laugh a little, and you miss the way the tip of his ears heat in red at being able to solicit a laugh from you.

“You wound me.”

You don’t know what takes over you, but you find yourself leaning your head against his shoulder. For now, you’ll blame it on the exhaustion from crying so much earlier.

Your head against his body feels nice and comforting and warm against the biting air from the night, but you can feel him physically tense up at the contact and you almost pull your head back immediately if he hadn’t rested his head against yours.

The compromising position has Kim Seungmin in contemplation over something that’s been such a great concern in his life for the past few months, almost a year even. It had started when he met you, the first time he ever saw you and heard your voice, and the day he decided he’d spend every second thereafter trying to get your attention.

He mirrors the way you interact with your friends, and yet somewhere along the line, it had been misinterpreted into something it wasn’t and he had to live in pretense of irritating you when all he’s ever wanted was your attention. But, he thought, if this was the only way then he’d have to keep the facade up.

Besides, a little attention (even if it was with hatred) is better than none.

When Seungmin grows uncharacteristically quiet, you start to wonder what he could be thinking about and why there’s a small scrunch in his face as if he was deep in thought.

You never used to wonder what he could be thinking about. What’s changed?

“Seungmin?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you enjoy irritating me so much? Do you hate me?”

Seungmin peels his head from yours, staring down at you with a completely horrified look on his face. 

“Hate you?” He feels nauseous that you could even think that, and he’s shaking his head quickly, compromising feelings he’s kept hidden for quite a while now. He’s so confounded by your statement that he gets up from his seat on the bench for a second to stare at you before calming down and returning back to his spot. “I don’t hate you. I— I could never hate you.”

You look at him, and you’re surprised to see that he’s genuinely astonished and a little upset at what you had just tried to imply.

“Then why?” You swallow down a lump in your throat, asking him in the smallest voice he’s ever heard from you. This was the perfect opportunity to ask him why, being handed to you straight on your lap, so you bite the bullet and ask.

“I actually thought we’d get along quite well when we met. And then you just started to… I don’t know.” His eyes are soft as he listens to you, lips slightly parted as if trying to think of the perfect explanation to clear your misinterpretations.

When you finish, Seungmin closes his eyes to recollect his thoughts. For a second, you think he might be coming up with an excuse to save himself but the earnest way in which he looks at you the moment he opens his eyes again quiets the voice in your head.

“I just wanted your attention.” His face visibly cringes at the sudden confession. Seungmin feels like he’s floating, looking down at his physical body that’s trying to explain himself without embarrassing himself further.

“You… what?” You blink.

He sighs out, wiping the sweat that’s gathered from his palms down his pants before tilting his head back as if trying to ask strengths from the Gods so he can admit to you whatever he’s been hiding. And then, he looks back at you and he finally confesses what he’s been keeping from you for months.

“I thought that maybe if I acted the way you did with your friends then there’d be a higher chance we’d get along. But then you misinterpreted it as hatred, and I’ve had to pretend I enjoy irritating you when all I really want to do is hold your hand.”

He squeezes his eyes shut as if afraid of your response, but all you can do is stare at him with your mouth parted.

This definitely wasn’t the response you were expecting.

“But… but it really felt like you hated me. Like— when you’d make fun of me for my food choices or that time in the library when you stayed behind to taunt me for being a lost cause.”

“You have me all wrong, (Name). When I asked you what you liked, it was an excuse so I could get it for you. Do you really think I’d accidentally buy too much dinner for Jeongin, and have the excess be exactly your favorites? And… and that night at the library. I stayed behind because I know you’re afraid to walk home late. So you would be less afraid if I walked you home.”

You meet his eyes, breath catching in your throat when you gauge the level of genuineness in his eyes.

“You— You hugged me as a dare in Chan’s party and sometimes that’s all I think about.” Seungmin falls silent after that, simply letting out a breath he feels he’s been holding for too long.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything right now. I know it’s a lot to take in.” He fiddles with the ends of the sweater he’s wearing, making sure to avoid eye contact.

“Seungmin.” The simple sound of his name from your lips has him looking at you despite trying his best not to. “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. It must be a lot to take in.”

“I thought you hated me for months and now, you’re telling me the exact opposite.” Your voice gradually quiets down, and Seungmin finds comfort when you scoot in your seat closer. “I really don’t know what to say.”

“Would it hurt to start over?” You’re greeted with his softening stare, and he bites his lips in anticipation for your response.

“I think… I think I’d like that.”

Seungmin immediately smiles, the kind of smile that’s difficult to hide even in the inky night, even if he tried.

You find yourself mirroring his own smile.

The thought of finding out the truth behind Seungmin’s actions has always scared you, but now you know you should’ve never been afraid.

Somehow, things are already starting to change, with an outstretched hand in your direction. You find yourself taking it in yours with ease.

“Hi, I’m Seungmin. It’s nice to meet you.”

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[writingescapades]

Peafowls II - Peahen

Very few people knew when he really came back, and Kakavasha preferred it that way. He was welcomed back by Topaz and Ratio, but soon left alone in the spare bedroom. He didn’t have to wait long. Funny how despite the many months he was away, he could still pick up on your presence. You were finally together but there was no happy reunion. There was just a tense atmosphere and two people stuck behind habits ingrained into their bones.

He looked away from you and you knew why. He was giving you a choice. To show vulnerability? A test of wits? Or anger? What did you want to show him? You looked at his back. Did you even want him? Ignoring everything, did you want him truly?

How would you feel if he went away, disappeared again? If the last memory of his was his back? If that was the last memory of him in his world?

Your chest tightened. He was human. He could die. He would die. Could you live with it? Your chest tightened. You should be brave, make the first move. Dare to indulge for once, to wager against a regretful decision.

His back was right there. You should just move. But you leaned against a desk and clenched the edge hard in your right hand.

His back was waiting. He should just say something. But your chest tightened harshly, and your throat began to close.

Calm down. You closed your eyes. Calm down.

He’s not dead yet.

He’s right here.

You inhaled deeply, willing the emotion down.

You’re fine. He’s fine. Nothing’s going wrong. Don’t get emotional. It has no use here. Truth does.

Say something!

You clenched harder against the table, fingertips turning white. Why was it so hard?

Did he say something? You heard noise. His voice. Closer.

His back was gone.

Gone.

He called out to you, concern laced in his voice. All games and pretenses were down.

“You’re fine,” you blustered out.

Damn! Calm down! Don’t be useless now. Where are your words?!

He called out to you again, “Are you—”

Humiliation spread throughout. You were not!

“Don’t hide yourself. Not in front of me. It’s okay. After all we’ve been through. I deserve it”.

The tears pooled out. You shut your eyes, scrunched them up tight. You don’t understand. You deserve much more than tears.

“You’re fine,” you warbled out before sinking to the floor.

Kakavasha sank with you, arms wrapping around trying to cushion you. You buried your head in his lap, ashamed of your face. Your arms gripped his clothes.

“I’m fine,” he whispered.

He didn’t fully understand the situation. But his uncertainty was gone. How could it linger when he could fell how tightly you gripped his clothes taking care not to pinch his skin. The sudden vulnerability. The tears. You caved, but he didn’t see it that way.

“Ah my goddess blesses me with rain once more,” he teased.

A snort. Two chuckles. The tears stop as quickly as they came. Then Kakavasha hears a low voice carrying the fortitude he was familiar with.

“I’ll do better than your goddesses”.

“Oh,” he cooed. “How so?”

“I’ll love you”.

There it was. The words he was dying to say and terrified to hear. Those words you both danced around since you first partnered together. It was unfair of him to desire it really. A malicious part of him wondered though. The goddess blessed him, and he suffered all sorts of miseries. What would your love do to him? What more would he have to endure? Could he even bare it?

But don’t you want this?

Yes. That really was the thin line. Kakavasha never wanted the goddess’s blessing. He was barely holding onto life with the weight it held in his mind. But the weight on his lap? He could bare it. This goddess who sobbed on his lap because she loved him beyond her own comprehension. He wanted it.

“Thank You”. Why you wanted to love him, he didn’t know. He just started to believe in it, but was still too scared to question it. His soft thanks whispered into your ear would be the first of many thanks he would say as you built each other and your relationship, but it would transform, and one day Kakavasha would bestow you with an “I love you”.

#hsr #hsr x reader #honkai impact #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine x reader #hsr aventurine x reader #kakavasha #kakavasha hsr #kakavasha x reader

[daycourtofficial]

Personal update below

Tw: pregnancy loss, miscarriage, blood

Here it is, the words I’ve been unable to type, much less say out loud. Late in the night a few nights ago, I woke up to some abdominal cramping and went to the bathroom. I had been bleeding vaginally all day, but not enough to be super concerned.

I woke up and went to the bathroom, and knew something was wrong. To spare the details, I was bleeding a lot, cramping severely, and I knew my baby was gone. I felt empty inside, despite only being about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Intuition, I suppose. I just felt so lonely, as if I wasn’t supposed to be the only occupant in my body.

My husband took me to the hospital and after hours of invasive poking, prodding, and testing, a nurse practitioner I will likely never see again, who will likely never think of me again, told me that my baby was gone. He was straight forward, which I like in medical personnel. He told me my pregnancy was unviable and that it’s common. That we shouldn’t worry. These things happen. It’s normal, common. The three or so minutes felt like an eternity, waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart in the privacy of my husband’s arms, despite the lack of privacy an emergency department offers.

The hospital was so sterile, the bright lights and lack of windows made it impossible for you to track the passage of time. The winding hallways a maze of monotony, making it impossible to know how to return to your room without a guide. The walls were devoid of any real color, save for tv screens and workplace posters. And yet, the room I was placed in was the only room with decorative curtains. All the other curtains were just a shade of navy.

Mine had flowers on it, as if the world or God or the hospital wanted to offer me some reprieve, some reminder that for the hospital, this was routine, but that it wasn’t routine for me. That I deserved something for my eyes to find comfort in.

So here it is, the new reality I find myself in. My baby is gone. The rare statement that, once it becomes true, will never change.

I’m reeling a bit from this loss, as you can imagine. I’m gutted. I got married right at the beginning of the year, falling pregnant not long after. I joked with my husband that I started the year off becoming a wife and was ending the year becoming a mom. I suppose it really was just a joke in the end, but I’m not sure if the punchline was me or my continued optimism, in spite all that I’ve endured.

Anyway, everyone was extraordinarily kind to me when I had posted that I was pregnant. I know that technically I don’t owe anyone details of my personal life, especially not this personal, but I wanted to share it because I don’t want to be sad and alone. And perhaps this will find its way to someone else who has felt some loss recently, whether it be the loss of someone or something, or a loss of self or identity, or a loss of the future you had planned out. Maybe they will feel some connection to this. Or maybe one day someone will think of this as they reel with their own loss.

I don’t regret sharing the news so early, despite the circumstances that have now led me to making this post. Any joy we can find is worth sharing, even if it’s fleeting, especially if it’s fleeting, and even if it’s for some stranger on the internet.

Anyway, I have my dogs and my husband, who are very loving. I’m not sure when I’ll post this, I’ll likely stick it in my queue somewhere so it feels less like I’m hitting the ‘post’ button and more like softly whispering all of this in the wind.

I will be okay, I always am. Grief is a black hole I am trying navigate and figure out where it ends and I begin, trying to remember what my new life will be like and how to grieve yet another version of myself lost to time and trauma and sadness.

There is no narrative device here, nothing I did could’ve changed the outcome. Sometimes the world is just needlessly cruel.

This doesn’t really affect anything on here or what I choose to interact with. I’m still okay discussing/reading/writing about babies and kids and everything in that realm. I just didn’t want anyone asking after the baby and making someone feel bad for wanting to know how I was doing.

Anyway, I don’t want to end this on a despairing note, even though that is the tune of my life at the moment. I want to remember that my now is not my forever, and I hope anyone reading this that is experiencing any manner of suffering takes as much out of that sentiment as I do.

Yours,

V ❤️

#personal note

[msfantasy-comics]

The Perfect Match

Roy Harper x Reader

Summary: A head cannon in which you are Roy’s perfect match.

Masterlist - Tip Jar

Independence

Throughout Roy’s developmental years, he was always treated with excessive handholding, rules and over exertion of authority.

This has led Roy to feel resentful of constraints.

In his former years, Roy relished the freedom and exercising autonomy through the Outlaws.

Roy really appreciates the sense of freedom you give in your relationship.

Roy: “Would you be upset if I cancel our date tonight? Jason’s back in town.”

You were fully dressed up, ready for your hot date.

Y/n: “Nope.”

And you really meant it.

You took advantage of your hot fit and took yourself on a date.

The flexibility you give him is one of the key factors to your loving relationship.

Adventurous Spirit

Given Roy has spent most of his free time training and practicing the art of archery, Roy needs a romantic partner who shares the passion of adventure.

Roy: “Wow… I never seen anyone shoot the ground when the target is only 5 meters away.

Y/n: “I was just testing the bow resistance…”

Roy: “Uh-huh…”

Whilst you may not be the most talented archer or most fit individual. You are always keen to try and participate.

Your enthusiasm to do better is infectious and Roy just loves and appreciates your willingness to try and do better, especially when it comes to his interests.

Y/n: “Roy did you see, did you see?! I hit the outer ring!”

Supportive and Empathetic

Roy has had to endure many hardships throughout his developmental years which has plagued him every so often during his adult hood such as;

Addiction issues - not only does Roy have past entanglements with addictions which leads him to live a clean life. He had developed a critical eye for intentions, as a trusted friend was the cause to his addiction. Now, Roy analyses everything for deeper motivations. That’s just the result of the trauma and it’s a the reality in which you had accept. Whilst it can be insulting and exhausting to be under the microscope, you always speak your mind freely and bluntly.

Relationship dynamic of being in a team - it’s a struggle for Roy to build trust in others due to his past experiences. He has trouble letting people in, but once your in, you most certainly not getting out. You appreciate the value in which Roy holds you and makes you feel extra safe and comfortable knowing that Roy, no matter what, will always be there for you.

Responsibility as a hero - Roy has had to endure the heavy burden of protecting society as nothing more than a well trained human. Society is never short of criticism and Roy is hard on himself enough as it is. This can lead to feeling emotionally and physically strained. Roy cannot handle the criticism of his short comings when it comes to his romantic entanglements too.

Roy: “Y/n, baby, I’m so sorry I missed your birthday party, it’s just, this woman, and her child-“

Y/n: “Roy! I had the best birthday ever! I took lots of photos, so you could see it all when you finished your patrol. But we can do that later, do you want me to draw you a bath? Have you eaten yet?”

Roy: *pant* “aren’t you-“ *pant* “upset with me?”

Y/n: “Don’t be a silly goose, I know you wouldn’t miss anything intentionally, must’ve been really important. We’ve been together for years, think I don’t know you by now?”

Sense of Humor

Even in the hardest of times, it’s at times easier to just have a laugh.

Roy appreciates that you don’t take difficult situations to seriously and just have a laugh with him.

Roy thinks your extra-adorable since you kept notes on his funniest one-liners.

"Some days, I wish I was a firefighter. All you have to worry about is fire."

"We're supposed to be professionals, yet here we are, running around in spandex, talking to ourselves."

"All these costume changes, and I'm still trying to figure out my life."

In a crowd full of hero’s your laughter amongst the dead silence is always appreciated.

#dc imagines #dc x reader #Roy Harper x reader #Roy Harper imagine #Roy x reader #Arsenal x reader #Arsenal imagine #speedy x reader #speedy imagine #red arrow x reader #red arrow imagine #arrowfam x reader #arrowfam

[morallyinept]

STRUNG UP - A Dave York Christmas One Shot

Summary: You and your husband Dave are decorating the tree for a surprise in the morning for your girls. However, you get testy with him, and Dave finds an inventive way to keep you in check.

Pairing: Dave York x Wife!Reader (No name or physical description of reader. It’s you, bub. However Reader has hair long enough to pull.)

Word Count: 3.5K

Scoville Smut Rating: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ "You tell me I'm doing well, and then, you try to kill me."

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

Warnings/triggers - Established relationship/unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks)/consensual restraint/husband & wife dynamics/very mild Daddy kink/Dave comes with his own warning.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ. ☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

If this story isn't for you, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: Love me some angry Dave. Oof. 🥵

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

Enjoy & Happy Holidays! 🎄🖤

“Are you really going to moan all the way through this, baby?” 

His tone is clipped as he stares at you through a mask of stony lines on his smoothly shaved face.

The knot of Christmas lights inside his hands are wriggly; bulging like a serpent trying to coil itself around his arm, and if that isn’t enough to test his patience working through this mess, he now has to endure your sniping and muttering away under your breath at him too.

Like you have been, all day.

It’s the Holly Jolly time of year when all he wants to do is utterly stab someone in the neck. Dave’s fingers twitch at the mere thought of it. 

The most wonderful time of the year where predicted arguments always flare up over what gifts to get the girls, how many gifts to buy the girls.

Fisticuffs ensue about the gift wrap not being cut in a neat, straight line and the bow doesn’t match.

‘Shall we get a turkey or a salmon this year, Dave?’

‘I don’t like salmon.’

'Since when?'

'For the last 43 years of my life.'

'Oh. Then we’ll get a turkey.’

'Baby. The turkey is too big for the oven.'

‘Then we’ll get a small one.’

'But you always cook it until it’s dry...’ 

The time of year when all Dave really wants to do is get absolutely shitfaced to avoid making small talk with your father, and only have to stress over whether or not he’s going to make it to the bathroom to puke after one to many chasers, or whether it will just land over his dress shoes instead in a brown, lumpy puddle.

But no. He has to endure your temper tantrums and sulks, and watch as you shit over everything festive, and in return his Christmas mood is certainly darkening.

You’ve both planned to completely transform the lounge into a Christmas wonderland for the girls whilst they're asleep upstairs, and it isn’t exactly going according to plan.

First, Dave smacked the back of his head going up into the attic for the tree this afternoon and it still smarts now.

And you’ve done nothing but whinge all day about Amazon sending Molly’s stocking with her name spelt wrong on the stitching.

‘Dolly? We have a Dolly York now? Sounds like what you'd name a dog. Dolly.'

‘Baby, we have plenty of time to order another one.’

'That’s not the point, Dave. You expect some certain care when ordering a personalised gift. I’ve a good mind to call them and complain.’

'You already are…’

You throw a glare at him that leaves a black eye, and go back to pulling tinsel out of the box you’ve made him lug down from the attic, slighlty concussed.

The tree isn’t even fully put together yet he acknowledges; it’s still in pieces around the floor from where you had dragged it out of the box, and that grates on him also.

“You haven’t put it up yet, so why are you bothering with the decorations already?” Dave remarks sourly.

You glance briefly at the tree pieces as if they’ve offended you and carry on rummaging around inside the box.

“The star is missing.” You moan absentmindedly.

“No, it isn’t.”

“It’s not in the box here.”

“It has to be. It’s where I threw all that shit last year.” Dave sighs; his thumbs loop through the sting of lights as he pulls some out of the twisted chunk of wire and bulbs.

“Oh yeah? Then where is it, smartass?” You put to him with a scowl.

Dave rolls his eyes and stands, throwing the puzzle of lights to the floor and stomps over to the box.

“You know, if I find this star, I’m going to shove it up your ass!” He warns you with a frowny snarl. You sense he means it as well.

“I’m going shove it up your ass...” You mock, impersonating his voice.

He mutters obscenely to himself, grinding his teeth and swooping his large hands inside the box.

He tosses tinsel and baubles around like the choppy seas, and begins to panic inwardly when he can’t see any trace of it. It isn’t in there.

Shit.

“Told you,” you say, proudly.

Dave looks about the room, which resembles a band of elves that have thrown up glitter and stardust all around it, whilst you’re still throwing shade up in his face.

“Well, you look mighty fucking stupid now, baby. It’s there, in the fucking tinsel pile.” Dave says, reaching for it.

He then shoves it into your hand and snarls at you darkly.

He goes back to detangling the lights and you’re silent for a little while as you finally put the tree together.

You step back to look at it when it’s finally standing.

“It’s a little on the slant.” Dave remarks.

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes. It is.”

“You need glasses.” You say, with a pout.

“I’m telling you, it’s wonky. If you want a wonky tree, then fine.” He huffs out, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Ah fuck!” You step backwards - to examine the tree’s vertical straightness for yourself - and crush a wayward, escaped bauble with your foot.

“Careful, you’ll cut yourself!” Dave mutters as you kick away the broken pieces.

He’s managed to get a string of the lights spread out in front of him that are tangle-free at long last.

“Too late,” you huff, and plonk yourself down on the floor, pulling off your sock and examining the underside of your sole.

He comes up to you and has a look for himself, stroking the curve of your foot with his thick fingers when he informs you it’s just a light graze.

He tickles your arch gently and you throw another glare at him.

“Don’t.” You warn, knocking his hand away.

“You’re so fucking pissy today,” Dave says to you pouting; that bottom lip of his inflated and shiny as he mocks you with an unsympathetic growl.

You snatch your foot away from him and stand up with a deep set frown.

“Is it your time of the month or something?” Dave questions, with knitted eyebrows.

“Fuck you, asshole.” You snip back to him.

Dave sighs out and shakes his head. A petulant argument is not what he wants to endure anymore. He’s had enough of your crap. To Hell with you and your fucking wonky-ass tree.

“Fuck this shit; you can decorate the tree your damn self.” He decides that he isn’t going to entertain your drama anymore. Your moaning and grumbling all day has grated away on his last nerve.

“Yeah, well I don’t need your help anyway!” You yell after him.

“Keep it down, you’ll wake the girls up.” He seethes. He disappears out of the lounge like a hurricane. 

You sigh out in a massive huff and pick up the string of Christmas lights and plug them into the wall to test the bulbs aren’t blown.

How the hell do Christmas lights get tangled when they’ve been sitting in a box all year, answer me that? I mean, you roll them up carefully and neatly and then what, do they just move on their own volition or something the minute your damned back is turned? Quick, she’s not looking - tangle-tangle... Fuck!

You begin unwinding and weaving them whilst grinding on your teeth as you try in vain to separate them, but seemingly knotting them up the further you go, and undoing all of Dave’s work with them so far.

Meanwhile, Dave can hear you cursing away to yourself in the kitchen as he makes himself a strong coffee, feeling it best to stay out of your way or he’ll hang you with some tinsel if you carry on like this.

He reaches into the cupboard for a mug, sighing.

He can feel how wrangled and wrought his shoulders are, craning his neck from side to side as it cracks, realising that your shitty mood has now spread and infected him, and that shit isn’t going to fly. 

“Oh, Dave, you’ve tangled them up even worse than they were!”

He hears you berating him from the lounge, and he slams down his coffee mug on the counter top so hard, the bottom of it chips.

He forgets about the coffee maker, grinding his teeth when you huff out - a little louder and with added dramatics - from inside the lounge.

He marches straight in there, his mouth a hard, thin line and makes a beeline right for the lights. He tears them from your hands so fast they whip around his legs with the intense speed.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” You hiss at him, all snarls and scrunched up face.

He wraps the twinkling light string around his palm a few times as he stares down at you with hard, dark eyes.

"Get up." He growls.

"No."

Dave then yanks you up onto your feet as you yelp. “Turn around.” He instructs with a no-nonsense attitude. 

You shake your head and fold your arms in defiance.

“I said, turn a-fucking-round!” He hisses at you and pushes you against the sofa, shunting you forward so you’re bent over the arm of it.

Your arms go to your face to stop your fall, but he wrenches one back and you get a face full of cushion anyway.

“Dave, what the-”

You feel him wrap the light string around your wrist before he reaches for your other, quickly and skillfully, as you try to resist.

He snatches it back, his fingers tight around you. You feel him crush you against the couch with his pelvis, holding you in place, and can equally feel how hard he is against your behind. 

Dave pulls back your other arm and wraps the lights around, lashing your wrists together with them tightly.

“Untie me!” You muffle at him. “I’m fucking serious, Dave!”

You feel his hand slide over your mouth, squeezing your cheeks as you twist.

“I am sick to death of your fucking whining and moaning today, baby.” Dave says ignoring you, and you can tell he’s pissed off - majorly pissed off.

His usual jaunty, laid back mood was shit all over by your petulant ranting and sulking over something or other that he has no idea about, and frankly doesn’t care how or why it's bloomed in the first place.

Perhaps you’d just woken up that way, perhaps you’re PMSing like a bitch - hell, maybe he's even done something to fuck you off - it doesn’t matter.

It just needs to stop and it needs to stop now.

And he knows a way to get it out of your system.

He unbuckles his belt, you can hear the metallic chink of it, and he pulls down your leggings and panties revealing your ass and pussy sticking up at him.

Despite your protests, he can see how slick and shiny you are as it seeps from your lips. He zones in on your weeping cunt, like looking through the periscope of his MK14, and locks onto his target.

“Dave,” you whine.

"Dave," he impersonates. He spreads your cheeks to get a better look. Your pussy clenches, your slick glistens at him.

You feel him run the tip of his cock through your folds, coating himself in you.

"Dave, I... mmm, please..."

“Shut the fuck up.” He snaps to you and then shoves his cock deep inside you without any warning whatsoever.

“OH!” You cry out as he shunts, jolting your whole body forward further over the couch as he thrusts inside.

He fills you wholly; your cunt sucking him him as he grunts when he breaks through and bottoms out instantly. Your gasp is ragged, stolen from your throat.

You’re so wet, dripping; he knew you would be despite the angry front you'd presented to him - the moment he'd asserted his dominance over you, you were utterly frothing - you always were when Daddy ran the show.

“Oh fuck!” You groan out, as he snaps his hips into you in a brutal pace.

He holds onto the lights wrapped around your wrists, feeling the warmth ebb from them inside his palm. They make little, glowy silhouettes on your butt cheeks in brightly different colours as he ploughs into your sopping pussy.

“Ah yes!” You mewl as he fucks you hard.

"There we go," Dave grunts.

Your slick is more frothy around his cock each time he pulls out, seeing it shiny and bubbling around his shaft. Squelching over him, and it's a pleasant sensation that he can watch and enjoy all day.

He growls out in satisfaction at it.

An aggressive ballet ensues of him pulling you about as he drives himself deeper into you; your hands tied behind your back with those colourful lights glittering in blues, reds and oranges as he fucks you hard in the lounge amongst the clutter of Christmas baubles and streams of tinsel.

An explosion of festive carnage around you both as he goes to town on that pussy, fucking the bad mood, that has lingered over your head like a storm cloud all day, right out of you.

You can only stand there, bent over, and take it from your husband.

“Oh shit, Dave! Shit!” You pant out as your body shudders; hair sticking to your face, and you can feel it tangling inside your mouth as you whine out.

Your face is pushed further into the sofa cushions as he grunts and growls behind you moving at warp speed, muscular thighs slapping agaisnt your ass cheeks like someone in the room is clapping.

“What, nothing to say now, hmm?” Dave hisses in your ear, bending over you as his cock drives deeper inside your wet, fleshy lips.

"You've been running your mouth all day and now you're suddenly speechless, baby?"

He sweeps the hair out of your face, his mouth running the length of your jaw and he tugs at your ear lobe with his teeth. His breath is bouncing in the back of his throat as he puffs like he’s going for his morning run with each thrust he hammers into you.

You gasp out; breath and voice literally taken away by him ploughing so deeply into your pussy.

God, you’re always so tight around his cock, and the feeling of it blows his mind each time he enters you. It always feels so new and exciting, no matter how many times you’ve fucked since you’d got together all those years ago.

Even pushing out two of his kids hadn’t loosened you up that much, clearly you do your kegels. But taking you like this - punishing you with his cock - is the way to go about it today. No time for Mr Nice Guy.

“Love this tight pussy squeezing around my cock, baby,” he sighs out, standing back upright.

He grips a hold of your arms in the Christmas lights and pulls against them as he shunts into you.

He keeps you bent over and unable to move or repel against him; you’re just simply stuck there being fucked by him, exactly how he wants.

It’s a rough, hard fucking and all you can do is take it as you’re trussed up with the lights, face smooshed into the couch cushions whilst he does it and trying not to suffocate.

Teeth biting into your tongue to mute your whines and moans, but they still flow out of you anyway.

Dave wrenches you backwards so you’re standing upright a little, and steps with you so he can bend you over in the middle of the lounge without anything to support you now, just the lights keeping you anchored in his grip.

His hand slides up your front and grips around your throat, pushing your head up to him as he fucks you from behind.

"That's it, baby. Take my fucking cock."

Your eyes try to find him, darting into the back of your head as his fingers squeeze tightly around your jaw.

“Aaaahhh...” You cry out as he tunnels in deeper, pulling you back onto his dick and the hard, hammering sound of him inside you echoes around the room.

When he’s had enough of you like that, he lets you go, stretching out your back whilst he pulls his slacks off fully.

You clock him tugging off his sweater with a massive, angry and swollen boner protruding out of his pelvis.

Holy shit…

“Lay down on the floor. Put your arms above your head.” Dave instructs in an agitated growl and you comply, albeit with a brewing grin.

“Good, keep them there like that.” He warns and he slides your leggings off your legs completely.

“Shall I call you Daddy as well?” You tease, smirking at him whilst he glares at you.

Oh, he’s so hot when he’s mad...

“Don’t fucking push it,” Dave simply says as he slams back into you without warning again and you gasp; a loud, guttural moan emanating from the pits of your stomach. 

“But then, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh fuck!” You wail out, your eyes rolling straight into the back of your head, whites on show like you’ve been possessed as he works those hips back and forth like a machine gun.

“Yeah, who’s your fucking Daddy now, hmm?” Dave simply remarks with a slick grin as he jolts into you hard. “You want Daddy to fuck you some more?” He says in a condescending voice.

“Mmm, Dave! God yes...” You groan.

“Maybe this will shut you up now, hmm? All you needed was a good fucking, baby.”

“Yes... yes!”

“Maybe I should just leave you like this all Christmas... Hang you up on the tree!” He roars as he fucks you faster and like he’s trying to climb inside your body.

“Oh God!” You wail around him as your pussy starts leaking all over his cock again.

“Look at me when I make you come!” He demands, pulling your jaw towards him with his fingers and thumb clamping around it and forcing you to face him.

He feels you contract and jerk, your thighs shake and your neck cranes as your whole body tenses up before eventually letting go, and you soon flop under him like jelly, panting.

“Dave!” You rumble, your body shaking and all the tension that had surmounted all morning explodes out of you as the wrangled tension uncoils itself and you let it all go fully. “Fuuuccckkk!”

"That's it, baby. Like that. Come all over Daddy's cock..."

He fucks you exactly how it should be done; hard, and without any relenting or mercy. This man, your husband, can make your pussy sing, make it trib and hold the high notes without taking a beat.

“Oh, oh...”

“This is what happens when you're a moany bitch, baby.” He pants into your face, sweat forming in the line of his hair on his forehead.

“By that logic, I shall never stop moaning...” You chime out, hair splayed all over the floor and tangled in tinsel as you tense and shake.

Chuckling evilly, he rides you through your orgasm, only pulling out of your twitching pussy when he’s ready to shoot his load.

And he knows exactly where that’s going to go.

“Open your fucking whiny-ass mouth.” Dave instructs as he begins pumping himself, shuffling up your body on his knees either side of you on the carpet until he’s almost sat on your chest.

His cock is above your face as he pumps hard and fast. The slick sound of your wetness making it slap inside his palm.

You open up, tongue hanging out, and waiting for him to fill it.

He pumps out and grips a hold on his thigh, angling his cock towards your mouth as he comes, and it splashes across your lips and tongue where you swallow down what flows into your mouth.

“Fuck!” Dave grits as he watches you take it all, all of that glossy, thick cream and then lick the reddened tip of his cock, sucking on the end of it gently to get to the last of it.

He feels the tip of your tongue furrow into the slit of him and it makes him shudder.

“Mmm...” You groan, licking your lips and smirking up at him; your hands still trussed up in the lights above your head on the floor, and some of his come splashed across your cheeks.

Dave stands up, fully naked as the day he was made, except for his reindeer Christmas socks, as you still lay there on the floor, somewhat paralysed and utterly blissed out.

“Can you untie me before I get third degree burns from these lights?” You ask, sitting upright slowly.

Your hair looks like you've already been electrocuted - it's all over the place.

Dave pulls his sweater over his head and glances down at you somewhat indifferently. “Depends, are you going quit your whining now?” He asks you as he reaches for his slacks.

You nod and smile thinly at him. “I’ll try.”

He pads over and kneels down, running his thumb across your cheek, scooping his load onto it and holding it out for you. You suck it clean and you're convinced you can hear a tiny groan at the back of his throat.

Weaving the light string from around your wrists, he’s dismayed to find it tangled again in knots.

“For fuck’s sake...” He mutters as he plonks his butt on the floor and begins the arduous task of detangling them again.

You stand up once the feeling returns to your legs, and dress. You then retreat into the kitchen.

You come back in a few minutes later with a steaming hot coffee for him, and place it beside him on the floor. 

“Peace offering.” You say, stepping over his long legs.

“Thank you, darling.” Dave mutters.

“See, I’m not a complete bitch after all,” you smirk.

“We’ll see how the next hour or so goes, shall we?” Dave remarks looking up at you with the bundle of glowy lights in his palms.

“Maybe I’ll do it on purpose, you know so Daddy can tie me up and punish me again...” you peep, grinning.

You hear Dave snicker through a snort, and look down at him to see his piercing, dark eyes stare you out over the rim of his coffee cup. 

You reach up and put the star on top of the slightly askew Christmas tree proudly. “Perfect.”

“It’s still wonky.” He replies.

"Don't start." You scold, reaching for the tinsel.

Dave doesn’t say anything else about it when you pick up a bauble and simply toss it at his head.

He notes that bold move down mentally. Daddy will make you pay for that later.

12 DAYS OF XXX-MAS MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #dave york x reader #pedro pascal characters #dave york the equalizer 2 #dave york x you #dave york x f!reader #dave york x female reader #dave york x wife!reader #christmas stories #jett's writing

[nonbinaryspy]

Meta: Timerra and Tellius

Timerra’s (belated) birthday gives me an excuse to talk about one of my favorite Engage topics: the parallels between her and various Tellius characters.

(Spoilers for FE9/10 and FE17.)

The obvious place to start is Ike. As Timerra’s personal Emblem, his build and paralogue in Engage focus on turning defense into offense to endure and protect others. This synergizes with Timerra’s Sandstorm ability as well as her priorities as Solm’s future queen.

Compared to other Emblem summonings in the game, the scene where Ike is summoned is quick and to-the-point. The Solm royals are highly competent, with a wide spy network, and already had a plan in place for when Alear shows up. They have a healthy wariness they don’t immediately display, as they welcome Alear with open arms while secretly testing if they are the true Divine Dragon. By the time Timerra meets Alear, their identity has been confirmed and bandits are already attacking, so she jumps straight into action to get Ike’s help and protect the village.

I’m sure Ike would approve of her no-nonsense approach and her focus on keeping people safe, especially after all of his own bandit fights. He has no patience for bureaucracy or noble trappings, but he understands the need for discretion when danger and politics are involved (see: his own ‘sometimes you have to fool your allies’ maneuver in RD part 2), so I think he would appreciate how the Solm royals handle this.

But you don’t have to take my word for that. Between Timerra and Seforia saying they always wanted to meet him, Timerra calling him family, Ike telling Fogado that Solm castle reminded him of being with the mercenaries, and his first Somniel dialogue saying that he already misses Solm, I think it’s safe to say there’s a lot of natural fondness between Ike and the Solm royals. Is there any wonder, when one of Solm’s main norms is accepting people regardless of their origins, possibly Ike’s defining ideal?

My favorite example of this is when Alear’s origins are revealed, and Timerra and Fogado have some of the most affirming reactions:

[ID: Four screencaps with the following dialogue toward Alear: Timerra: What matters to me isn’t how you were born. It’s what you do with the life you’re given. Timerra: If you choose to live as a Divine Dragon, then that’s what you are! Timerra: Nothing’s changed as far as I’m concerned. The you that’s in front of me—that’s all I need. Fogado: The people of Solm don’t care about origins. We care about the you NOW. And you are amazing.]

This aspect of Timerra shines throughout her supports, most notably in her relationships with Merrin and Panette. Their love and loyalty toward her stems from a time before they even knew she was a princess. They both see her as a beacon in their lives, as they wished to escape the confines of their pasts and find new futures for themselves. Timerra saw them for their ideal versions of themselves—Merrin as a chivalrous knight, Panette as someone who isn’t caught in a destructive cycle—rather than the situations they came from. Her acceptance helped them create those realities for themselves.

Anyway, unrelated to the above, just a completely random pair of images that don’t make me cry at all:

[ID: In a screencap from Engage, Timerra is saying, “No matter what’s happened, you’re still you. Let’s go save the world, Ike!” In a screencap from Path of Radiance, Ike is telling Soren, “No. It doesn’t change anything. You’re still you, Soren!”]

Another example is Timerra’s attitude toward Veyle. In the main plot, she’s one of the few main characters to express distrust toward Veyle even after the truth is revealed. However, once Veyle has proven herself as an ally, Timerra is extremely friendly toward her in their supports, with Veyle appreciating how Timerra treats her like any other friend rather than a Fell Dragon’s daughter. Again, this is reminiscent of Ike’s blend of skepticism and treating everyone the same.

I think it’s also interesting that Timerra struggles with conflicting desires for freedom vs. connection, as shown in her S support. Despite Ike’s love for people, he doesn’t always deal well with the responsibilities and expectations that get placed on him, and his ending shows he shares some of her wanderlust.

Timerra: When we connect with people─you know, really bond with them─those bonds make us stronger. Timerra: I mean, our closest allies help us do things we could never do all by ourselves. Timerra: That’s powerful stuff. But those bonds─those friendships─can feel like obligations too.

Finally, one of my favorite parallels between Ike and Timerra is a shared charm point: the fact that they live as they please, regardless of what others think, while also acting like everything they do is super obvious. An extremely ‘have your cake and eat it too’ mentality that I can only respect. 

Alear: Still, you never cease to amaze. You take it upon yourself to help root out bandits… Timerra: What, is that not normal? Timerra: I’m just protecting my people. I thought that’s what royalty was supposed to do. Alear: You say something completely radical like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Timerra: Hahaha! That’s my charm!

Ranulf: Well…a little crazy, yeah! I’ve never worked for a leader who’s as blunt and straightforward as you. It’s pretty shocking to have a commander who doesn’t care what anyone thinks, no matter how powerful they are. Ike: Well, that’s just my style. I don’t have to be like someone else, do I? Ranulf: Why are you so confident? I don’t get it. Normal beorc just do what people tell them and try not to make a fuss. But not you. I heard you even yelled at the apostle! Ike: Yeah, that wasn’t my brightest moment. Ranulf: Then again, worrying about a beorc like this is definitely not normal laguz behavior. I guess I’m a fish out of water myself… Wait, did I just call myself a fish? Ike: Wha–? Ha ha! You’re a cat, remember!? I thought you ate fish. Ha ha ha!

Okay, that last bit isn’t relevant, but I just want to highlight that while Timerra and Fogado talk about how serious Ike is compared to them, they would definitely enjoy his secret love of bad puns. Here’s a bit of Timerra’s own sardonic humor that brings Ike to mind:

Alear: What?! How do you eat that much?! Timerra: Oh, you know. Open my mouth, bite, chew. I won’t bore you with all the details.

Of course I have to mention their love of meat, even if I don’t find that to be an important part of Ike’s character. What I will say is that Ike is shown in his supports with Oscar to have a genuine appreciation for artful cooking, so I think it’s neat that Timerra is one of the best cooks in the army. It’s also endearing that she feels bad for cooking around Ike when he can’t eat, though he tells Fogado the smell is enough.

Next, I want to talk about a couple of characters who aren’t in Engage: Mist and Elincia. I adore that the focus on Timerra protecting Ike flips his dynamic with both of these ladies on its head. Speaking of protection…I believe that Mist and Ike’s relationship mirrors Timerra and Fogado’s, with their fond, casual banter. It makes sense, since both duos are close in age.

Interestingly, despite Timerra being Fogado’s older sister, he is as protective of her as Ike is toward Mist. In Fogado’s case, he seems to almost see himself as Timerra’s retainer, given that he will one day be her advisor. He travels around to prepare himself for this role. Timerra, however, doesn’t always like this, as she wishes they could hang out more and that he would be more candid with her. While they’re clearly close, the distance still leaves her lonely.

Though it’s a different situation, Greil’s death puts Ike in the role of Mist’s protector at the same time that he gains dangerous responsibilities. He also takes it upon himself to get revenge on their father’s killer. She stresses that she does not want him to do these things if it means she’ll lose him, too, and as the game goes on, they lose some of the lighthearted dynamic they had at the game’s start. Having already lost her parents, it’s easy to assume Mist feels lonely in this circumstance. She even has her own protective streak toward Ike, such as in her battle conversations with the Black Knight and Ashnard. Like Timerra, Mist wants to stay close to her loved ones and protect them, and she joins the fighting to that end, even learning swordplay despite being a healer.

Despite their troubles, Mist and Timerra share a bubbly personality. They tend toward optimism and try to hide their cares them. Their sunniness gets them and others through tough situations. However, those around them still want to be able to support them even when struggle with being vulnerable.

In my opinion, some of Mist’s designs evoke Timerra’s, such as in the colors and flowing accessories. While the clothes aren’t super similar, I think the two of them would definitely enjoy going clothes shopping together. I also think they’d like to sing together. Timerra’s silly songs may be a far cry from the galdr that Mist and Elena safeguard, but that would suit Mist just fine.  

Possibly my favorite character to compare Timerra to, though, is Elincia. Timerra’s bangs and the fact that her hair is tied up even follow in the character design traditions of Elincia and other characters in her archetype, such as Nyna and Guinevere. Granted, Timerra’s ponytail is a lot looser than those other characters, which is an excellent design choice as she has a much more free-spirited personality.

Still, Elincia once upon a time was not so different. She grew up in secret, frolicking in the countryside with no expectation of becoming queen. As a result, she did many things most princesses didn’t do, such as chores, horseback riding, and sword fighting. It’s commented many times that due to cultural differences as well as Timerra’s own personality, her lifestyle and activities are often at odds with what others expect from a princess. While their allies might find both princesses strange at times, they end up trusting and supporting them due to their approachable natures.

Elincia is shown to have a playful streak in PoR when she is reunited with her retainers, around whom she feels comfortable enough to drop her more stately personality. On the flip side, while Timerra is more frequently playful, she never forgets her role. Even her more casual supports show this, such as when she susses out Ivy’s weakness during a camping trip, or interrupts a training session with Diamant to ask if he believes peace is possible. Many of her exploration quotes show this as well, with her referencing the other nations’ politics and even in her response if her allies die.

“My brother, my stewards…gone. It’s so cruel. But as the future queen, I will not crumble!”

Elincia and Timerra’s upbringings contrast with each other, since Timerra has always known she would be queen. Her free-spirited nature stems from Solm’s ideals and the role of its government. After Daein invades, Elincia has to travel incognito, giving her a chance to learn about the world. She develops a strong desire to protect her people. The endpoint of her character development in PoR is where Timerra is already at when we are introduced to her—Timerra has been training and traveling incognito and is ready to defend her country. Regardless of where they start, Elincia’s compassion and resolve are reflected in Timerra, who only wants to make her people happy and believes the best way to do that is to get to know them, so she can better understand and protect them.

The games’ plots present challenges that test both characters’ resolve. While Elincia has to make a variety of decisions, the one I want to highlight comes at the end of RD part 2, when Lucia is taken hostage. Elincia is told that Lucia will die unless she gives up the throne to a usurper. However, she refuses. Despite the sacrifice of someone dear to her, she will never give up on protecting Crimea. In the end, both Lucia and Crimea are safe, but it has nonetheless been demonstrated what Elincia would do under that pressure.  

I thought of this when I got to one of my favorite moments in Engage, when Timerra and co. have to take back the palace from the Elusians. Hortensia holds her mother hostage, assuming Timerra will bend and hand over the Emblem rings. However, doing so would doom Solm along with the rest of the world. Timerra refuses to back down, and she saves her family along with her country.

[ID: Five screencaps alternating between RD and Engage. Elincia and Timerra look resolved, while Lucia and Seforia as hostages look on proudly. Elincia: But I will see Crimea through this trial. I will give my people the future they deserve, no matter the cost. Timerra: So threaten us all you want. Take my whole family hostage, if it makes you happy. Timerra: But I stand for Solm, and I always will. Lucia: People of Crimea... Behold a true queen! YOUR queen! Long live Queen Elincia! Seforia: There she is, the future queen of Solm. And her ally, the Divine Dragon.]

Back to characters who are in Engage: the other Tellius Emblems. As with Elincia, Micaiah is presented with a series of trolley problems throughout RD. There’s a big focus in the Tellius games on making decisions for personal vs. political reasons, and whether to prioritize a loved one/a situation that is right in front of you over the bigger picture, and I think this is most complex with Micaiah’s story. This is highlighted when Sothe is held hostage and she is told to stand down to save him. This recalls the situation I already discussed with Timerra.

Like Timerra, Micaiah is a tactical thinker who has to foresee long-term plans as well as use strategic approaches in situations where she’s outnumbered. Micaiah ends RD as Daein’s queen, despite not being brought up for that role and having traveled in disguise, getting to know and love Daein’s people. Again, this fits with Timerra traveling around incognito and being passionate about protecting Solm.

Timerra expresses that Solm didn’t reach out for help when Sombron returned because they’d have to return other nations’ support when it was taking all of their efforts just to keep Solm safe. This brings to mind Micaiah’s conflicts, as she has to make difficult decisions to protect Daein from Begnion’s occupation and the blood pact, which sometimes involves rejecting outside help when a situation is too complicated, such as in her 3-13 battle talk with Ike.

Unfortunately, Emblem bond supports don’t have the scope for these sorts of complexities. However, I was tickled by the fact that Timerra invites Micaiah to sing with her, as a reference again to the Galdrs.

Speaking of bond supports…I don’t have anything deep to say about Timerra and Soren, but just look at how precious they are:

[ID: Two Emblem Bond screencaps. Soren is bowing with his hand over his heart, and he and Timerra are smiling at each other. Soren: You’re the princess of Solm, is that right? I thank you for protecting Ike. Timerra: He’s told me so much about you. I expect big things from you, talented advisor!]

Her careful approach to protecting Ike’s ring won the trust of someone with deep trust issues and a protective streak toward Ike, aww. They’re friends in my files every time. It’s also sweet that she wants to understand him and Ike better by learning about the mercenaries. I know she loves her moodier Emblem pals, but I’m sure she’d feel right at home with the whole rambunctious crew, like how Ike felt at home in Solm.

While this post is long enough without going into depth on Yunaka, as Micaiah’s guardian she also has a combination of Tellius influences, between her obvious parallels to Yune and Sothe as well as some of the themes of Micaiah’s character. Micaiah’s introduction, with her calling out to Yunaka, even mirrors Micaiah hearing Yune’s voice. For these reasons, I really wish she and Timerra had talked. I think Timerra’s simultaneous hidden wariness and acceptance of people regardless of their backgrounds would definitely play well with Yunaka’s arc. Fogado, as someone who shares Timerra’s ideals, certainly had a positive influence on Yunaka in their supports with his compassion. Plus, can you imagine the silly phrases Timerra and Yunaka would invent together?

I’ll end this before it strays too far from the main point, but I hope someone else enjoys these observations! Timerra is my favorite Engage character, and since Tellius is so dear to me, noticing these connections definitely made her character even more special.

#fire emblem #fe17 #fe: engage #tellius #path of radiance #radiant dawn #timerra #timerra fire emblem #ike fire emblem #elincia ridell crimea #mist fire emblem #micaiah #soren fire emblem #yunaka #fogado #fe9 #fe10 #fire emblem engage

[rainbow-beanie]

I don’t think people talk enough about the aftermath of Danny’s fight against evil!Danny (aka Dan) in ultimate enemy. like dude had just learned that he has an evil double from a future in which he became the most powerful ghost around, who had rid himself of his humanity in order to not feel the immense heartache he felt after his entire family and friends died in an explosion, with which his teacher was talking to his parents about the fact he had copied a very important test. Which had greatly stressed him out, cause it was about what you would want to do when you grow up, and what job and career he would want to pursue in life (this test subject did NOT age well at all)

Now here’s some problems with this, 1: Danny is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD and shouldn’t be worrying about what kinda career he would want as a living when he’s not even old enough to drive a car. This test would have at least been appropriate if he was, say seventeen or eighteen, like around the age he where he would possibly be looking for a job. I understand that times were different when this episode was made, but rationally speaking this test was for sure made for older students, and I don’t think Danny should have been given this test.

2: HE’S HALF GHOST! Like yeah if you could brush off what I had said above and be like “beanie, that’s probably what the school worked back then, no need to get so uptight about an early 2000’s cartoon.” In which I’d say, yeah, I probably am taking this a little seriously, but try telling everyone else in this phantom that who have made wonderfull art and au’s and fics centered around some small crumbs of info from the show and say “you’re taking this too seriously.” And you’d probably get the internet equivalent to a pie yo the face.

Anyways back to what I was saying, sure the school doesn’t know about Danny being a halfa (and neither does every other character besides Danny’s friends and his sister) but my point is that the test asking “what job/career do you want to pursue in the future?” Wouldn’t have possibly made Danny think about the fact that Danny’s basically half dead, and any job or career he would have would be pretty difficult when he constantly has to keep his ghost half a secret for the rest of his life, and that’s even implying he can even age after the incident with the ghost portal (which as we know with Dan, he in fact can keep aging, but even then I think he can only age to a certain point until his ghost genes tell him to stop, like around his late or early twenty’s)

So that’s A LOT of existentialism to give to a child from one simple test, and to further put salt into an already open wound, one of the characters even said that if “you fail the test then you’d have to work at nasty Burger” like what the actual fuck?? Like I know these teachers want their students to succeed in life, but realistically speaking if this type of situation happened in real life (and it most likely did, bless the poor souls that had to endure that.) that’s how you get people taking their own life. Which I know is pretty dark, but you try being happy and chipper after hearing about the possibility that if you failed this ONE test you would be nothing but an ugly stain in the job industry, I would actually cry if I was in that situation.

In short, the test Danny was given was a big part as to why evil Dan was brought into existence in the first place, and the events that happened to have Dan to become who he is is both funny and extremely depressing.

#Danny phantom #Danny fenton #Dan fanton #in other news I have also had Danny running around my head like a chicken with its head chopped off #same with wukong. but without the chopped off chicken head part #he would be completely fine. while juggling around his Decapitated head #as one does

[alexanderlightweight]

Prompt: Shadowhunters vs downworlder( especially warlocks) cultural differences

Hope this fit for you! Loved the prompt

—

Magnus has been waiting to understand the cultural dissonance between nephilim and the rest of the world when Isabelle makes an unfortunate sounding but well timed groan.

“Oh, is something wrong?” he asks, like he hasn’t been waiting for this moment since the late dregs of dusk.

Isabelle frowns and then sighs, giving Magnus a weary eye.

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” She asks as she motions greedily with her hands and Magnus summons the curry he knows she is craving. She gives a soft grunt and grabs the plate from him with an almost vicious glint.

Magnus simply raises one sharply, immaculate brow and Isabelle deflates.

“Alec already went through his trials.” Isabella murmurs quietly, “and he excelled enough that Jace and I and Max would never be tested. But Clary needs to go through them.” Isabelle takes a moment and gives a shaky, tremulous smile. “Jace wants to go through it for her. But he’s still injured, so therefore it would fall to Alec, and Alec’s refused.” Isabelle takes a moment to sigh and look out over the balcony. “Clary doesn’t understand what kind of trial it is and keeps insisting that she can handle it, but she’s mundane raised and even being double angel-blooded—” Izzy trails off, her face pale. “Magnus sometimes, the clave is worse than the world.” and she says nothing more and Magnus remembers growing up, the glimpses of nephilim society that he saw while the silent brothers raised him.

It had been traumatizing.

Being raised by them.

But it was educational.

Magnus regrets all and none of it.

He knows so much more than he should, and until Alexander it’s never been worth it.

But suddenly Magnus wishes he’d delved deeper.

That he’d risked the punishments and sought the knowledge hidden within.

Because Alexander is at risk and Magnus shudders to know it.

And then Isabelle is paling and swearing at herself under her breath.

“My dear, Isabelle.” Magnus says and he keeps his voice warm even though he knows his eyes are molten fury. “Don’t stop now, tell me more.j”

And she does, with shaky words about how the trials the heirs of prominent shadowhunter houses go. And the pains Alec took to ensure it never touched them.

None of them, even Jace.

And that he is being pressured to go through that pain, the agony and humiliation again.

And then his love, his life, is stepping through the door. He’s pale and there are bruises under his eyes but then he’s taking Magnus’ hand and kissing it. Chapped lips against Magnus’ clammy hand and then he’s falling into Magnus.

“They couldn’t make me.” Alec murmurs, deliriously, against Magnus’ cheek. He’s listing precariously, like he’s exhausted and he’s barely managing to hold onto Magnus.

Alec gives Izzy a soft little smile and then turns away from her. “Take me home?” He asks because he doesn’t want to be surrounded by reminders of the trauma Idris beat into him.

He endured but he hates remembering.

“You’re alright?” Magnus asks him, not knowing what he’s been pitted against but concerned all the same.

“I’m great, now.” Alec admits because the only reason he’s still on his feet is how desperate his need to get to Magnus was.

It’s his reluctance to part from Magnus that keeps him upright and clinging to the man rather than at his feet fading into unconsciousness.

Magnus can be a very powerful motivator, Alec muses to himself.

“Oh and what did the clave do to you?” Magnus asks and he sounds furious, with barely contained rage that Alec wants to soak in.

Magnus’ protective fury is the safest place Alec can think of.

And Alec lets himself fall trustingly into the embrace of the one being who always tries so hard never to hurt him.

“They wanted an excuse to hurt me.” Alec admits quietly, “before I would have let them.” Magnus sucks in a deep breath and Alec nuzzles closer to him.

“But not now.” Alec admits tiredly and kisses Magnus’ jaw, “never now.” He adds quietly and feels the darkness reaching for his eyes.

#shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #writing wednesdays #writing wednesday #prompt fic #prompt fill #lumine writes #shadowhunters au

[clairedaring]

Shuffle your on-repeat playlist and then list the first ten songs!*

*any playlist on any platform will do!

Thank you Kat @troubled-mind for tagging me (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ). I've been itching to share new music. 'new' being new to my playlist though, most are old releases.

1. Your Call (อยู่ที่เธอ) - TYTAN

I want you to think and reflect Who do you want more in your life? Without him, you seem to be doing fine But without me, you’ll be okay right?

as expected, i like this song so bad i even made a gifset for solely self-indulgent purposes... it's just crazy see how much TYTAN has grown since his Waterboyy days. I feel like this song was the starting point of me finding every songs i liked recently linked to MingJoe from My Stand-In.

2. ชายคนหนึ่ง (Just A Man) - Bodyslam, Clash, Potato Feat. ก้อง สหรัถ, โดม ปกรณ์ ลัม, ตู่ ภพธร

I’m just a man who wants to look after you and be concerned about you, that’s all I just want you to still have someone worrying about you, I’ve never wanted anything else You don’t have to give me anything in return I’ve never wanted anything else

I AM WEAK FOR SONGS ABOUT UNREQUITED LOVE. i first heard this song like seven years ago in Secret Seven The Series but the obsession with it has come back in full force since i recently watched a lakorn starring the original artist of the song (Peter Corp) and there's this scene where he plays this song on the guitar to the female lead... oh i was a goner. (original by Peter Corp)

3. วัดปะหล่ะ? (TEST ME) - 4EVE

Open your heart to know each other a little bit, yeah (like this) Then you will see someone that your heart is searching for

this is a popular song that came out a few years ago but i recently fell in love with it when i heard it used in the trailer for a thai film 'My Boo' starring Bow Maylada, Gee Sutthirak and Thanaerng.

4. อยู่กับฉันฝันถึงใคร (Who are you missing?) - Nine Kornchid

When you are with me, who are you dreaming of? When we're close together, who are you missing? Just a faint shadow. There is no way to own your heart. Why do you still keep me around? Whose substitute do you consider me as? Can you just answer me clearly? The reflection in your eyes, am I the person whom you are looking for.

as expected of a person who's deeply in her MSI era, of course the OST is on repeat. the lyrics though like I AM CHEWING GLASSES.

5. บินเข้ากองไฟ (Flying Into the Flame) - Big Ass

Oh, heart, remember their face They're the same person who once hurt you Enough already, don’t let them hurt you anymore Enough is enough, my heart, why love them? The more you love, the stupider you get, the more torturing it is, you never remember (enough, heart) We’ve been more than sad enough already, why love them? Nothing can be as evil as a heart hurting itself The more it loves, the more it’s hurt (remember that)

this song i actually first heard from Kidnap! pilot trailer but i never looked up the lyrics until recently and god it is so MingJoe coded. this song is a nice monologue talking to the heart and asking why it keeps falling in love, even though it knows it’s only going to get burned. like the inability to get someone out of your heart and still loving someone even though they've hurt you so bad before ಥ_ಥ

6. เพียงพอ (Just Enough) - Potato

If I had you, I would never need to reach for anything else It wouldn’t stir up troubles, anxieties just stopped, and I’m more confident than before Since I had you, I know my needs have ended No need to aspire for anything more, just this is enough Every day, to just have you, regardless of anything, I’d be satisfied

watching The Believers on Netflix really sent me down a spiral of listening to Potato (a Thai rock band). I love this song so much because it's a refreshing addition to Potato's usual collection of 'unrequite love, breakup' songs.

7. Kẽo Cà Kẽo Kẹt (The Creeking) - Hoàng Thùy Linh

I inflect every syllable so that my name goes down with history No matter how much vilification and mockery I have to endure, I’ll stand up against them again I inflect every syllable so that my name goes down with history No matter how much agony they pour on me, I’ll survive, no matter how many times they do that From dire ramified a sprig of nectarine Verdant foliage shrouded the entrance Amidst solitude, I squawked shrilly

i've been on a spiral of listening to old music i love so i'm sharing this mini commentary i made on this song a while back.

so 'the creeking' is based on tấm cám aka the vietnamese ver of cinderella. specifically, the part after vietnamese cinderella (tấm) was murdered by her stepmother & sister, she reincarnated into a bird, but then got killed AGAIN and she reincarnated into a weaving loom (insane, you just gotta read it, after she became a weaving loom, she got BURNED and she reincarnated into a freaking tree). but the simple gist is, when tấm reincarnated into a loom, the loom kept making noises to threaten her step sister as if to remind her step sister of the evil deed she did to tấm. the creeking may at first glance be a simple retell of this part of the story in tấm cám but it also parallels directly with hoàng thùy linh's life story. from the mire (the excessive hate train from her "scandal" when she was a minor and victim of revenge pornography), both hoàng thùy linh and tấm rose up to put their name down in history. ending the song with the statement that they'll survive no matter how many times evil forces (the press/media) try to bring tấm/htl down. the creeking is just such an empowering and feminist anthem like i cannot stress enough. hoàng thùy linh is currently going through her 2nd hate train rn and i honestly wish her the best bc i fully believe she'll make it through this cycle of vilification again.

i truly love this song because even though hoang thuy linh is more popular for her tiktok hit see tinh (sped up) aka ting ting tang tang, her first full album Hoàng is literally a masterpiece full of songs based on Viet culture/folklores. THE viet pop album of the decade for me tbh.

8. I LOVE U - MANBO ft. NAMVEE

viet hiphop hasn't been on my rotation for a few months but i always trust manbo to deliver a good rap on a pop rock beat.

9. Building Outside The Building - TNT

while TNT is known for their youthful, hopeful, lovely music, it's these hard hitting songs that makes TNT music so attractive to me. cpop having better hard hitting songs than kpop these days is killing me. wishing i could steal all the cpop demos and send them to my fave kpop bgs.

10. Ponytail (KR version) - VANNER

my list of music recommendations can never be complete without a glitter gel pen song. THIS GLITTER GEL PEN BSIDE. petition to ask kpop boygroups to opt their glitter gel pen songs to be their title tracks more often.

no pressure tagging @weizhiyuan @poonmitpakdee @uppoompat @sherrymagic @supanuts

#you've got tagged #really in my thai rock era again #but old thai rock #dramatic ass lyrics about loving someone you shouldn't love #YES #GIVE IT TO ME

[cheerleaderman]

A star’s curtain call

(TW- implied Abuse-)

[How Yuya getting back their memories during their overblot ]

The Curtain has opened and the show has begun

When a child was young their mom promised to take them to the aquarium when she got back. That day never came…

All of sudden the child’s life was turned upside down and now they lived with their aunts family. “Where was mom?, she coming back right” they cried but no one comforted the child. The funeral was held many tears were shed and cries shared around.

“It’s been enough time they said” “It’s time to go over they said” The child didn’t comply immediately like they wanted. Everyone knows naughty children  get punished and punished they did.

The more the child cried the more punishment they would get. “Why are you hurting me” “ please stop hurting me” they beg as they hid but it didn’t stop. They tried going Other family member some called them a liar and others didn’t believe. The Family were good people why aren’t you grateful they took you in.the eldest cousin joined in the torment the other 2 looked away .Only thing that would make them stop was compliance . The child eventually broke.

Be the picture perfect family

Be the perfect child

get good grades, be involved in many activities, smile when they need you to smile, cry when they need you to cry, help others and expect nothing in return, if you want something you’re selfish, something bad happens move past it and get over,most importantly what happens in the house stays in the house.

You’re wishes don’t matter, you’re feelings don’t matter hide them anyway deep into your heart. Learn to endure That’s how you’re able to survive 

So the Child complied, trying to fit the role they were given. Play the flute as requested, help the neighbor with babysitting or cutting the grass. crochet animals for newborns how thoughtful of you. There’s no time for friendship their to busy or the family disapprove. Get compliments on your skills it makes them look good.

Be the shooting star that everyone looks up to and strive to be.

“ You’re such bigger person for forgiving” “You’re cooking is wonderful you must give me the recipe” “Such a helpful and thoughtful child” all felt like empty words but a smile was still showed as expected.

At 14 they wanted revenge.Though they had strength they couldn’t win in a fight against the golden child.So let’s cut up some charges, few items misplaced , snapped a CD or 2. It cause tension and fights in the family. It gave them so much glee they never got caught and made sure of it. They’ll leave this place behind at 18 everything will be ok then.What’s a little pay back

Things took an unexpected turn. A 15 the child’s family was having a gathering. Everything was going smoothly they just finished up the cooking extremely tired ready to relax. Going to their room the Eldest stopped them “ I know it was you” he shouted “ what do you mean” they questioned “ You destroyed all of my games and movies” this when back and forth getting louder. Hearing Other family came to check what was happening until thud and everything going black.

Coming back to their senses they were in a hospital room? What happened ? They fighting with their cousin then what..At the hospital doctors did test and Workers asked questions this time the child was truthful. They won’t have to deal with their Aunt and Uncle anymore but others is a different story.

Being released back to the Family they gathered. “Why didn’t you say anything?” “We would have helped you” “How could this happen happened?”

Lairs, LAIRS all of you.Now that everything is out they’re trying to save face. They think I’ll just forgive as always HA!

18 you’ll be able to leave…18 you can start your life

Despise the families attempts nothing work they were going to leave but wanted to say goodbye to their mother first.

“I won’t be able to visit you much anymore Mama, I’ll be going to college soon and won’t be coming back”As much as they wish they could make up for years of not visiting. They couldn’t stay here but leaving felt so bittersweet.

“Yuya” ignore him.

“Yuya” walk away.

“Are you now running away after ruining everyone lives?” Continue to walk away don’t feed into him.

“Answer Me!” He jerks me around,why is he always like this? Can’t he just leave me alone!

When I pulled away he got violent. I’m so close I can’t let him get me now.

I saw something out of the corner of my eye while fighting….A black carriage ?

Every stopped the star is taking a bow and the sound of a child crying fills the room.

That’s the end?,Those are my memories..how anticlimactic 

Now that the curtain made its final call what now.

All that remains is the crying child.

I been dead all this time.I can’t visit my mom again, All the effort into going home was for nothing. Nothing has changed for me.I when from one bad place to another, One role to fulfill to the next why me? I wasn’t even allowed a peaceful death.What did I do to deserve this. What can I do now? Is it even worth it to change…

Is my happiness My happiness, Is my sadness My sadness or was that all part of the act? It’s all just numbness

Should I try to change this current act or should I close the curtains forever…

Every show must have its star.

#cheer!yuya #cheer!art #yes Yuya got hit by the carriage in a cemetery #not sure how i feel about this #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted oc #twisted wonderland oc #twst yuu #twst yuu oc #character story #oc art #twst oc #artists on tumblr #oc lore #Oc

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/16

What am I feeling today?

I feel that I’m getting better health wise, I’m not that congested anymore and I can speak again so that’s great! I’ve been excused from the past three days of work and school and there are some things that I won’t have to make up which I’m really grateful for! Although, it could just be because I was sick and just away and isolated from everyone for a bit but I’m just feeling kinda numb. I’ve spent way too many hours in bed, on my phone, watching tv, etc and I just feel awful about it because I wasn’t being productive. Even though I know everyone is telling me to rest, I just can’t, like I can’t allow myself to fully rest.

Bible Plan: Spiritual Wilderness

Israel left Egypt, which was their place of deliverance, but the promised land they were heading for was their place of dominion. In between Egypt and the promised land was a dry desert. The period between deliverance and dominion is usually marked by a miserable wilderness.

Elijah went through a wilderness as well as the apostle Paul (1 Kings 19:1-9; Galatians 1:17-18). Even our Lord Jesus “was led into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil” (Matthew 4:1) after being filled with the Holy Spirit.

The wilderness experience is a tough time in which we endure spiritual afflictions. Often, it’s a time when temptation intensifies; there might be spiritual attacks on our soul. This is a time that may also involve a spiritual drought when we feel disconnected from God.

A spiritual wilderness is not a sign that we are in sin although sometimes it feels like that. Instead of looking for God, we tend to look for some sin that can be blamed for our current experience. If you are going through a spiritual wilderness right now, remember you are not alone. The Holy Spirit is with you right now.

God is with you in the wilderness even when you don’t feel Him.

I understand that this is something that is common and it’s talked about. We go from baptism and then it’s like we’re thrown into the desert and we’re tested and it’s a hard path to walk. I don’t feel like this all the time, there are some times when I’m all fired up and ready to go! But then I have my periods of drought, where I feel absolutely numb, and I don’t want to go on in life because I’ve just gotten so tired and beat down.

I want to be able to strike a balance here. I understand that God is with me during both of these times and the desert can be necessary! It’s just hard, and I think I lack a strong will sometimes. But I can also think I’ve persevered thus far and I’m still here, what’s stopping from going further?

Psalms 24:1-6 NIV

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters. Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, God of Jacob.”

The instruction of those who may stand in the holy place before God are those who are of pure heart, clean hands, and that do not have idols. From this section, what I’ve been struggling with is idolatry and I don’t want that to be true. I can be quite selfish and put myself first. I can also get obsessed and allow it to consume me, like an addiction really, I just need to get my next fix and constantly craving whatever more I can get. That’s a problem, that’s something I want to change, because I know, in the end, it doesn’t truly leave me satisfied, nothing does or will except for God.

Matthew 28:18-20 NIV

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.””

The Great Commission!! This is something I’ve had memorized for years yet I hadn’t began putting it into practice til a few months ago. I mean, this is literally some of Jesus last words to us and a command that he has given all of us! I mean come on! How much more important can this be?? I need to get better with this though, I can have a hard time sharing my faith and catching up with people that I have shared with before. I should check up and not give up just because it didn’t work out the first time.

Isaiah 43:1-4 NIV

“But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.”

We’re His🥹 this just hits hard for me, like God is with us, we’re precious to Him, He loves us🥹 like this is just something that I’ve always had a hard time wrapping my head around but He’s like literally our Father and we should treat Him as such. I think about how much I love my dad and how I try to spend time with him even when it’s inconvenient for me and I need to give God and even higher treatment than that! I mean it’s just!!! He just!!! He loves us!!!🥹🥹

Deuteronomy 2:7 NIV

“The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.”

I could honestly cry right now because!!! God is just so good, even when I’m struggling, even when I’m having a hard time, even when all I want to do is just give up, God is always there. I may not be aware of it all the time but He is, He’s watching over me and He’s with me and what more could I possibly ask for?

#bible #quiet time #bible quote #bible scripture #bible verse #christian blog #christian faith #christian living #christianity #faith in jesus #bible study #devo #faith #faith in god #jesus #devotional #disciple of christ #daily devotional #discipleship #jesus saves #jesus loves you #love #holy bible #bible plan #saras devotionals #3/16

[bewaretheundead91]

A Love Worth Dreaming For

Y/N is a woman who was killed against her will to prevent the Dreaming Realm from being destroyed. She is set free into the Dreaming by Morpheus only days before the Dream king is summoned to the waking world and trapped. A century later he returns only to pick up where it all left off.

Part 2

A/N: This is a very long update which means there is probably going to be mistakes with Tenses and punctuation and grammar. I do apologize in advanced. I've only seen the show and have done some research, so I'm not an expert on The Sandman.

Also I apologize for the lack of indention for paragraphs.

Warnings: Sexual content, mentioning ending of life, resentful, creepy, and dark Morhpheus. Angst and a lot of sad.

Y/n stands at the edge of the lake once again. There was a burning sensation at throat from the collar and a soreness on her spine from the heavy chain. She was still weak from being encased in the glass sphere. There was not healing from the dream king, no reason why.

The punishment was by no means the length that Morpheus had endured, but it was long enough for her to feel the shame. She had not been tormented and shamed as long as he had, but there was shame. She also had no knowledge of how long she was in the globe or asleep recovering. The missing time was frightening on its own. But what had shaken her to the core was the man she believed loved her could easily just hurt her. Would hurt her.

The edge of the lake was a way to disappear, at least that is what the books in the library said. Its waters changing into something darker and sinister every second its master was missing. Y/N did not fully know what was living and swimming in its depths. No know they how great of power it held. She has an urge to test the fate of her existence with those waters. Perhaps an experiment with a great hypothesis of gaining her wish.

She bends down and touches the water, it was cool to the touch and nothing abnormal.

“Lucienne said you may be of some assistance to me,” Morpheus cuts the silence, his voice the usual calm and soft. It feels nice in her ears, but his sudden appearance makes her jump .

“I don’t want to assist you,” Y/n says, standing up and keeping her eyes ahead at the moving water. “You do not deserve it.”

“I can force you,” He says, walking up behind her. “But I’m asking instead. If not for me, the waking world.”

“You confined me to a glass sphere, as naked as my name day,” Y/N spits out, turning to face him. He towers over her a little too closely for comfort. “To play with me, why would I help you?”

“It was an experiment,” He says, voice cold. “Something you taught me to do very well. The findings were as I expected; fatigue, emotional anguish, the body becoming frail. I did not get the submission I thought I would gain. But I believe it will come in time.”

“Who are you?“ Y/n asks, appalled by his cool exterior. “I do not recognize you.”

“You do not recognize me because the man you thought you knew was not real,” He says honestly looking down at her, his eyes were soft. “I manipulated you to see me as this human-like man, to feel something for me. It was necessary for the greater good.”

“For the greater good? Do you think it would have been better to not confess your love to me and then kill me? Perhaps you should have never met me before doing the deed.”

“I never loved you,” He says dryly.. “But I did not want to hurt you.”

“Of course,” Y/n nods and takes a step into the water. “You’re cruel for saying it. You’re cruel for tricking me into loving you. You’re cruel for killing me.”

“Was I ever truly cruel to you back then?” He asks, joining her at the water's edge. “I treated you with kindness. I made you happy.”

“You were kind, more than kind. That is why it hurts,” She whispers and takes a few more steps forward and the water meets her knees. She shivers at the temperature. “But what is a god to a mere mortal with human feelings and emotions? What is a young student of life to the eternal? And I had so much potential and so much to learn. The opportunity I could have had to change lives!”

“You were destined for greatness,” He says looking down. “That I knew and for that I cannot apologize enough.”

“Morpheus,” She calls him by his name. “Words and apologies hold no weight if they are not reflected by action.”

“Y/ N.”

Y/N dives into the water.

“If you drown in this lake you are gone forever.” He shouts. “I am a stranger to it now.”

Y/n moves through the water catching glances of movement and murky clouds. There were unusual shapes and colors, long vines of plant life. She surfaces with the dark abyss below terrifying her.

“Is that not the point, dream king?” She shouts back. “I’m conducting my own experiment now.”

Y/N disappears beneath the water again. She swims, kicking her legs and gliding her arms in and out. She takes another look around feeling the muscles on her legs ache and her lungs burn. The environment did not make sense for a lake, the creatures were all wrong. Happily her legs give out and arms cramp. She sinks to the bottom with air bubbling out of her mouth and eyes closing.

Peace. Silence.

Morpheus dives into the water and searches for the girl. He swims until spots the black jacket she is wearing rising upward towards the surface. Y/N eyes were closed. He quickly retrieves her and brings her to shore.

“Is my world that much of a prison?” He says placing her on the ground. He leans down, studying her face, eyes closed, appearing as if she was asleep. He gently removes strands of hair from her face. Her cheeks were missing their rosy glow, that would blotch across her skin whenever he was around, those cheeks had not blushed for him since his presence was known. He closes his eyes and presses his hands to her chest reviving her. Her eyes open and water forces out in a coughing fit. “I won’t be here next time to save you.”

“Good,” Her voice rasps as she moves to rest on her elbows. She glares up at him and his wet clothes. “I want to cease to exist.”

“Interesting, The humans I’ve met want to live forever.”

She laughs and sits up.

“You don’t know most humans, especially when they are in situations they cannot control or escape. And I’m no longer human.”

Morpheus crinkles his brows in knowing.

“Of course.”

“But since you decided to save me, I am once again stuck here to bear the reminder of a broken heart,” She sits up completely and is directly face to face with him. Body heat being exchanged between the two. “I cannot move on and I-”

“Cannot find another.” He says with a more gentle tone.

“Yes, I cannot,” She says painfully with honest eyes. “There is no place here where I can hide from you, your mind and your eyes. You have every access to me.”

“I do have every access,” He says, looking down away from her. “I must confess I do enjoy hurting you.”

“Why would the ruler of the unconscious realm enjoy hurting others? Especially someone who spent time with you for more than a year? But wait, what is a year to the endless?” she asks. Her voice becomes stern. “How foolish to assume that a year means anything to you?”

“A year is like a minute to me.”

Y/n cannot help but to release streams of tears. She closes her eyes and breathes.

“Every memory I have of you, everything I have felt for you, all the times I spent with you. I will forget.”

Morpheus looks away, remembering the very first night they made love. It was impulsive, passionate, and rough for the human body. He recalls the way her skin smelled and tasted. The sounds of her pleasure in his ears and hot breath against his neck. The way she dug her nails into his back with every thrust. The effects of her touches on his skin, the salivation in his mouth from tasting her in the most secretive of places.

He remembers the way she made him so very hard with one mischievous glance without her knowing. All of the instant smiles and deep conversation, she was brilliant, inquisitive, and creative. A collector and a painter. A true student of life and it made his body humm.

“Gone,” She says, moves her body closer and finds his face again. He breaks from the memory. “I shall be here Morpheus until I am not. If I choose to end it all, so shall I and you be free from the burden.”

“I was gone for 100 years,” He says, focusing his sharp eyes on hers. “The dreaming world has disintegrated. I do not have my tools, my own siblings did not come to my aid, my creations have turned against me. You believe that you are a burden on me, but I have no reason, nor time or space in my mind to think of you as so. I do not think of you. You are nothing compared to it all.”

Y/n stands up and slowly moves her feet towards the pathway that leads to a small cottage. Even the vast mind of the unconscious and endless had no space to think of her. The endless would think of other humans and their dreams, but not one who once played the starring role of a lover. How selfish she was.

“But I need your help,” He says. “As a part of my realm I demand you to.”

“You created the dreaming, Morpheus, mend it yourself.” Y/N says as she walks away from the lake. She pulls at the clothes on her body releasing the sucktiob.

“I’ll take you with me to the real world, to see your great grand niece and their families, you have family that is alive.”

Y/N stops in her tracks.

“No, Morpheus,” She says and continues to walk. “I’m going home to have some illusion of solitude.”

“You will help me.” He demands sternly.

“No, leave me alone. Let me be nothing, exist as nothing here on my own.”

“I cannot, you are an extension of me and you must go.”

“An extension of you?”

Morpheus appears before her halting her steps.

“I did think of you, does this please you to hear?” He confesses through his teeth. He takes a step towards the girl as his face warps into an ungodly glare. Rage, with his voice not rising. “Above all others, above my realm, my people. I stayed too long in the waking world with you. I became obsessed, infatuated and lustful. I felt the unstable emotions of humankind and it was addictive.”

“I don’t want to hear this, you are accusing me of something I had no control over.”

Morpheus snatches her by the jacket. He pulls her towards him roughly.

“I could not kill you, I did not want to. There was a brightness in you that was rarely met in humans that I enjoyed. It was selfish, destructive and above all, time wasting.”

Y/N gazes up at him horrified.

“After I was summoned and captured I kept thinking about you. The memories of you were constant. The first time I saw your face, the time I met you. The first kiss. The first time we shared a bed.”

“Stop it!” She shouts, pressing her hands to his chest trying to pull away from him. The fabric of the coat rips. Morpheus twisted the fabric and reels her back in.

“The touches, the taste of your skin, the sounds of pleasure you made in my ears…I know everything in the unconscious world, But I was never prepared to feel this way,” He pulls her even closer, faces mere inches from each other.. “You’re a mortal, you could easily die, merely nothing compared to me. Your existence as a human is as common as a blade of grass.”

“Yes,” She whispers, dropping her head to deflect his stare. She ceases her struggles. “As common as a blade of grass.”

“But,” Morpheus says, keeping her still. “You were uncommon. You were different for mankind. You were a vortex and that sets you apart. A threat.”

“Yes, maybe so, but you didn’t have to kiss me or…charm me…make it feel real,” Y/n shouts, feeling herself lose breath. She grabs his wrists and his face turns rigid. “You used me. I meant nothing when you meant everything. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you.”

The realization of it all hits her hard, It really was all a lie. He bluntly said he didn’t love her. There must be no real value to a human life for a god.

Her eyes go wide and tears accumulate in the corner, she dares not look up at him. Of course it was a lie. He was a god, so beautiful and all knowing. He’d know how foolish humans were to fall in love so easily and willingly.

She releases his wrist and Morpheus’s eyes soften on her. He watches tears trickle down Y/Ns face. He lets her go and she takes a shameful step backwards.

“Even when you killed me and left me here I still loved you.”

She wraps the wet coat around her body and walks away from the lake, shivering from both the cold and her emotions. Morpheus shouts her name in the distance. She ignores it.

It was always that way for her, lonely in the waking world and now in the unconscious. She had imagined someone truly wanting her company, choosing her first in the waking world. A lover to actively make her smile and laugh. To distract from the constant burning of the world around her. A lie. Of course no one would truly want to be around someone so busy in the head and with too many projects.

The dreaming was cold as she walks down a tree covered path. It leads to the small cottage that was created just for her. An A-frame shaped house. She approaches the door and walks in. Even with the endless, she was still in the confines of her home there. She rips the clothes from her body and stand naked allowing the warm air to warm her.

Heavy. Lonely. Degraded. Insulted. Caged. Dead.

She sits at the table, the kitchen was perfect as always, made the way she always imagined and dreamed of. The home was everything she dreamed of. At least it was given to her. Perhaps a gift? No, not a gift. A cage. A reminder of being caged.

Y/n would spend most of her days in the dreaming reading and collecting odd objects and plants she had never seen. Sketches and paintings were scattered along the walls. Glass bottles holding dry flowers on tables and countertops. Book cases of text written and text borrowed. Is so very similar to home in the waking world, but it was missing one important thing.

Y/N lays in bed, gripping the comforter around her body. She was fighting sleep, much like she had in the waking world before meeting him. Y/N did not want the king of dreams in her head. Morpheus, a being who now seems darker than before, angry maybe a little broken and sadistic. He could be watching or he could be waiting to enter her mind.

As the time goes by she can no longer keep her eyes open. Her body can not longer fight it. She gives in.

Soft warm lips press against her back, peppering kisses from her spine to shoulder. They Jump to her cheek.

“Good morning,” a man greets in her ear, a voice slightly raspy. “Wake up.”

She turns to the opposite side and groans. The man hovers over her and presses more kisses to her bare skin.

“I thought we were going to that cafe you love” He says softly, stretching his arms around her. “As much as I’d love to stay in bed with you all day, Y/N, we should get up, shower…together.”

Morpheus stands in the corner observing the dream version of himself lovingly waking Y/N. It was a distant memory from years ago. The happiness in his face, the gentleness he showed her, a mere ghost. He takes a step forward watching the scene unfold. How human he appears with his messy hair and flushed skin.

Y/N flips over baring her nude breasts and Morpheus’s breath hitches in his throat. How could he allow himself to react to such a human form. She covers her eyes with her arms smiling. Pretending to sleep.

“Oh no you don’t!” He laughs going for the sensitive skin of her ribs. He begins to tickle her and she yelps. “I want coffee, strong coffee! I’ll get you one of those fancy pastries with chocolate icing.”

He leans down and presses his lips to her left breast and she squirms. He pecks his lips on her sternum. She removes her arms and sits up.

“Okay I’m awake!” She smiles.

She is met with the cheery face of Morpheus. She grabs his face and presses her lips to his, closing her eyes. When she opens them she sees another Morpheus. He is standing in the corner, in his usual coat. His eyes fixed on her own.

“Morpheus!” She shouts, forcing out of her sleep.

She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and places her head in her hands. It was a memory, not a dream. It was so real. Tears began to steam down her cheek, to her chin, they drip and meet the sweat falling down her neck.

She wishes it would all be erased and forgotten. A tool, a pawn, a game. Not a creature with feelings or wants. A blade of grass, in a great forest of life. Grass is so common.

“But why does it have to hurt so much,” Y/N says and takes a deep breath. “It’s agonizing.”

When Morpheus was away, dreaming was different, nothing meant anything. But he is back and the constant knowledge of that was heavy.

Morpheus was sitting in the dark corner of the room witnessing the effect of the dream. That man in the dream might as well not even be the creature he is today. A time before everything was destroyed and his tools were lost. So cold, he feels now.

He stands up and takes a step.

“Go away,” Y/n says and lifts her head to the ceiling. She takes another deep breath and the cool air hits her damp face. “Morpheus, I don’t want to dream of you anymore.”

Morpheus stands still in the darkness.

“You were in my dream just now, so convincing. It felt so real. You should call yourself the king of trickery.”

“I should not have appeared,” He says. His gaze on her back was like a torch, burning her skin. “It was not a nightmare. It was an interesting memory to see, you were smiling.”

“It might as well have been a nightmare, good dreams can wreak havoc on the heart just as worse.”

Morpheus swallows and takes another step forward, making Y/N slightly jump. He continues to make his way to the bed, running his hand over the comforter as he approaches her. .

“Y/n,” Morpheus says in his soft voice. She does not respond, but feels its effect between her legs. “Look at me.”

She refuses, turning her head away from him. He extends a gentle hand and touches her jaw. She looks at him and then closes her eyes. He sees her tears again.

“Y/n I have a proposition for you,” He lowers his face towards her. His warm breath hits her cheeks. “Please open your eyes.”

She squeezes her eyes together more tightly and boldly grabs his wrist to pry him from her face. He closes his eyes briefly with her touch, remembering how her hands felt on his bare body.

“Listen to me.”

y/n removes her hands and shoves him hard in the chest. Morpheus withdraws his hand and stumbles back slightly in shock. He grabs her by the shoulders to force her to face him. Y/N’s fist finds his chest pounding her fists.

“Look at me!” He demands, voice loud. “I will erase it all if you help me.”

The pounding increases and she stands up. It hurts, he wants it gone, all of it! But she wants it gone.

“It will be as if you never met me,” His voice shakes subtly and voice drops. “You will no longer feel this way.”

“I hate you,” She says looking at him, meeting his red, tired eyes. They are showing pain. “Do it now! I don’t want to remember, do it now, Morpheus.”

“I cannot,” He says softly, closing in. “Not now.”

The pounding starts again wildly and the tears fall more. He closes his eyes feeling it all.

“You torture me. This is not fair.”

“Y/N,” He says and wraps his arms around her, the girl struggles in his embrace. She eventually gives in. “You will fall back asleep.”

“No!” She croaks.

Morpheus' embrace becomes tighter, bringing her head to the crook of his neck. She rests her head there. He breathes her in deeply, retaining as much as he can. It is a comforting feeling, embracing her and being near her. He had missed it. How restful it was.

“You will sleep, Y/N, meet me in your dreams, meet me in the memory.” He whispers, voice slithering into her ear. His hand finds her hair, running his finger through it.

Y/n begins to feel tired, fatigue, mind clear, she slips into a deep sleep. Morpheus catches the girl and places her back on the bed. The shirt she is wearing rides up mid thigh. There is an urge to touch her. The skin on her thigh, smooth as silk.

“Meet me there.” He gives in, running the pads of his fingers down to her knees. Remembering.

Remembering a meeting in her back office, where she was sitting in the library leg up in an office chair. Right leg exposed to the thigh from getting comfortable and allowing her skirts to fall. The way she jumped from his unannounced presence and quickly sat in the chair properly.

“Sleep.”

Y/n watches Morpheus leave the bed, pale bare body, walking away towards the bathroom. He stops and turns around. Her eyes trail up and down with a mischievous grin.

“You’re supposed to be joining me, among other things” he says smiling. He raises his eyebrows up and down. “Coffee!”

Y/n giggles and gets out of bed revealing the rest of her bare body. Morpheus clenches his teeth in the corner looking at her curves, eyes staying at her backside. But what stops him from breathing is seeing the subtle curls between her legs. Where his fingers once were, his mouth, his…

“Dare you make me feel like this.” He whispers.

She walks over to the man and embraces him for a second. She gives the man a wink and leads him to the small shower.

Morpheus was in the background again, watching the memory playing like a film. The water turns on and the two get in vanishing behind the curtain. Morpheus closes his eyes, when he opens them he is in the shower in front of Y/n with hot water hitting his back. He sees her and instantly pulls her to him. His mouth hungrily finds hers, colliding and opening her lips to drink her in immediately. The kiss was rough, almost painful to the touch, there was a need so strong. She yelps and brings her arms around him.

“Y/n,” He whispers against her lips. She was looking hazy in the eyes and out of breath. “I love you.”

“Morpheus,” she laughs and breaks from his lips. “I love you too, but you told me this 10 times last night. I know you love me, you show me that every day.”

“I mean it,” He says looking down at her. He removes the matted wet hair from her face and takes in the blush forming across her cheeks. The flush he so often enjoys and missed. “Please never forget that. You are one in infinity.”

“Infinity?” She laughs, eyes squinting with joy. “That is a very large and expanding number. I must be really special to you.”

“More than you will ever dream to know.” His eyes never leaving hers.

“Dream?”

“All I am saying is,” He pauses and takes a staggering breath and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. “That my love has no bound, it is endless.”

“Is everything alright?” Y/n asks looking up at his eyes, red and wet with tears. His whole demeanor was different. “You know I love you, deeply. Unchanging, like gravity.”

“Yes, it is perfectly alright,” He smiles. “I feel it’s dept.”

His mouth finds hers again, kissing her slowly and pressing her to his body never wanting to let go, never wanting to leave. He slowly drags kisses down to her jaw, and to her neck and lower to her breasts. He crouches to his knees in the small space. His lips press against her stomach and down to her waist. He’s begging to taste her to feel her pleasure vibrate against his tongue.

“Please,” he whispers, gazing upward in wanting. “I want to make you happy.”

“You already make me happy. You entertain my unorganized mind.”

Y/n’s hand finds his wet hair and guides him lower. There is a beastly desire to make her happy, a deep craving. His lips trail down below her bellybutton. And lower, she spreads her legs a bit inviting him. He gives her one last look and dips his toung in…

Y/n bolts up out of bed, covered in a cold sweat. Her what was beating unusually fast and breath shortened. Morpheus rips out of the dream and silently appears in the corner of the room still shadowed by the remaining darkness of the early morning hours.

Morpheus was shaken and very hard. He holds his breath in and looks down at himself bulging in his trousers, painfully.

“Why did you have to wake up?” He asks so quietly that Y/n would never hear. His eyes start to tear at his feelings. “Why?”

Y/n scans the silent room, no sign of the dream king in the darkness. She solicits a relieving sig. between her legs was a delicious aching between and a wet craving to be touched. She desires him, now and forever will, eternally. She curses with the feeling after all those years.

She gets out of bed with the oversized night shirt falling to her knees and slowly makes her way to the kitchen. Quickly she starts the percolator on the stove to make fresh coffee. With not being hungry for a large breakfast, she grabs a loaf of bread from a breadbox on her counter. She rips a generous chunk from it and sits down. She takes a large bite and starts chewing it, resting on the chair. The aroma of fresh strong coffee waifs in the air making her feel relaxed.

The chair across from her scrapes on the floor and a familiar body sits down. She does not look over.

“We are leaving tomorrow for the waking world,” Morpheus informs.. He crosses his legs and leans back in the chair taking in the space around him. “I apologize for having to force you to accompany me.”

Y/n stands up from the table and walks over to the counter in silence. She reaches up in a cabinet to retrieve two mugs, Morpheus eyes the exposed skin on the back of her thigh hungrily, but restrained. She places them on the counter and fills them with the hot dark liquid. She places a cup in front of Morpheus and sits back down. She takes a sip and sighs.

“It’s strong,” She informs. “Just as you liked it.”

Morpheus grabs the mug and brings it to his lips. He breathes in the scent. He takes a sip and nods, his expression not so hard.

Memories from long ago.

“Then you’ll make me forget?” Y/n asks, looking down at the mug. “Dream king?”

He takes another sip of the coffee.

“Your home, it reminds me of where you worked and lived,” He says looking around eyeing the clutter. “I still will never understand why humans enjoy collecting things.”

“Because we just enjoy it,” She takes another sip of the coffee and places the mug back down. “I was curious. The plant life is similar to earth which I find fascinating.”

“And I admire that curiosity.” He grabs the mug again and takes another sip. He closes his eyes enjoying it. He holds in a smile.

“Admit you enjoyed the objects I collected,” Y/N says. “They take up space, but Emptiness is terrifying and lonely.”

“I did find objects you collected fascinating. Mainly the juxtaposition of them compared to you spirit. The items were also dark like bones and stuffed birds, colleced spider.”

“Yes I suppose,” she says. “The coffee is it to your liking? Even for an immortal king?”

“It is good.” He says with soft eyes. “Perhaps not as good as the coffee from Cafe Lyon.”

“Of course, it’s not espresso.”

Y/N shakes her head and pulls a out a piece of bread to eat. The situation was off, but familiar, she did not like it, but she would was able to handle it.

“Is that all you will be eating this morning?” He asks sounding a bit concerned.

“I’m not hungry and I cannot die from starvation. I don’t believe you eat or need to.”

He nods and looks to the side hiding his concern.

“Meet me at the library this afternoon,” He says. “Lucienne and I will go over the plan.”

“I will be there,” Y/n says through her teeth. She extends a hand to touch him. He freezes feeling the warm soft skin on his. The sensation creates an uncomfortable tightness in his pants. “Also If you ever invade my mind when I sleep again I will…”

“What?” He laughs, a genuine laugh. “What can you do? You won’t even know if I do.”

“So you admit it?” She says. “And also show genuine laughter for this? Does it amuse you? Much like it did when I was alive?”

“It was only once and you enjoyed meeting me there.”

“It was not one time, tonight,” She says, not letting his hand go. “I don’t remember that memory in the shower. That day was the day you finally told me what I was. I remember everything.”

Morpheus removes his hand from the table and sits upright. He goes rigid, face showing disgust. Silence. He disappears.

“Coward

#morpheus x reader #morpheus x y/n

[archivalofsins]

Amane gives one dude a pep talk and suddenly she's Milgram's on call therapist-

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor……It has nothing to do with you……Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you- you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

Amane actively checks on Futa who is having a hard time due to his verdict. This conversation notably has a positive impact.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behavior?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there I'm just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

"And furthermore- This may be outside of my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well. Both their minds and their bodies are at their limits." - "I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand."

People assumed that lending Shidou a hand meant helping with the other prisoners physical care but mental health is important in regards to the healing process as well. Given Amane's background and commitment to her beliefs if she just spoke to the other prisoners that could be a big emotional help. Something that was already alluded to with Futa who she chose to talk to.

Unlike Mahiru someone Amane has been avoiding outside of giving that warning.

22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan?

Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?

Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.

Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.

22/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Mahiru: ……no, I’m fine. As long as I don’t move too much I don’t even feel any pain. Sorry for making you worry.

Yuno: Oh, really? That’s good then. Mahiru-san, if there’s anything you want then just ask. It’s not like it’s a huge burden, I can just ask for it along with my own stuff.

Mahiru: Ok…… I’m fine for now. Sorry, for making you worry. Ah, Yuno-chan…… Today’s your birthday, right? Happy birthday.

Yuno: ………… Haha, thanks. Thank you, but y’know. Is it really ok for you to be saying that to me when you’re in that situation? ……you really aren’t suited for Milgram, huh, Mahiru-san.

From today's timeline interaction we can gather that she's begun avoiding Yuno as well. Someone who has been spending a lot of time with Mahiru, is implied to be actively caring for her, and may have gotten her the wheelchair.

23/06/27 (Amane's Birthday)

Amane: What is it… Kashiki Yuno. Don't go out of your way to sit close to me. Go away.

Yuno: It's a shame you've started feeling that way, but Mahiru's finally fallen asleep. Have a chat with me while I have a break- Oh hey, on the subject, Amane do you think it would be better to have not been born? I'm lucky I can still sort of have a good time, but it seems you're more troubled. I wonder, what do you think?

Amane: I don't think so. To be born into this world is the first miracle that must be rejoiced at. No matter how much suffering comes afterwards it won't lose its value.

Yuno: Hmm, well, happy birthday, I'm not sure how to put it, but I'm glad you were born safely.

Instead of taking these thoughts to any of the other prisoners Yuno actively approaches Amane with this topic. Projecting her own feelings and what she's seen of Mahiru's onto Amane who swiftly denies the thought. Not just Mahiru's thought on if there was any special reason behind her being born but Yuno's that there is no meaning.

Quickly going the meaning was simply being born at all regardless of what a person goes through in life that will never change the fact that was a miracle. A simple but poignant answer that only someone like Amane a person of unwavering belief, could give. An answer that Yuno is incredibly thankful for as her response to it is to literally say Happy Birthday and I'm glad you were born.

Long story short Yuno's Innocent verdict has been making her depressed. Plus, the fact that instead of confiding in any prisoner older than her or even near her age she actively went to the child with such a heavy topic says a lot.

#milgram #momose amane

[hiswordsarekisses]

“The Enemy is not the opposite of God or equal to God. He cannot be in all places and he is not all powerful. He does not know what our tomorrow brings, but only masterfully manipulates the details of our present and past as his means of destruction.

He is a fallen angel with limited power and finite authority. Although we often relinquish far more credit and authority to him, he is not able to run renegade through our lives, free to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

How do I know? The book of Job, gives us insight. While it is one of the hardest for me to read, it has given me radical perspective shifts and insight about God.

The Bible says on this one particular day, The Lord asked Satan, “Where have you come from?” “From roaming through the earth,” Satan answered him, “and walking around on it.”” Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? No one else on earth is like him, a man of perfect integrity, who fears God and turns away from evil.” Job‬ ‭1:7-8‬ ‭

Wait … Stop … God suggested that Satan “consider“ Job. 🧐

“Satan answered the Lord, “Does Job fear God for nothing? Haven’t you placed a hedge around him, his household, and everything he owns? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he owns, and he will surely curse you to your face.” “Very well,” the Lord told Satan, “everything he owns is in your power. However, do not lay a hand on Job himself.” So Satan left the Lord’s presence.” Job‬ ‭1:9-12‬ ‭

I imagine Satan smugly sauntering off, filled with an arrogance of power and thinking he’s about to unleash destruction upon another believer. But, as always, he greatly underestimated God’s real intentions.

Please don’t miss this moment of truth: if God has allowed that loss or painful circumstance to happen in my life, then what does God want me to gain from it? Within this question sits the blessing, the hidden treasure, and the game changing perspective shift.

In the moments of tremendous pain and suffering, barriers and oppression, we can ask God to show us what we are to learn and how we are to grow through it. It’s walking through the storm and leaning into the reality that God wouldn’t have us go through it if he wasn’t already in it.

Don’t miss this point … God is already with us in the storm. Every step of the way he is with us to make sure we get through it.

In hindsight I’ve realized there has never been a single “happy” time that ever contributed to building endurance and perseverance in my faith. Happy times do not require a rugged commitment to stay the course, or test my obedience and alignment of my heart under God’s authority.

It’s the gut wrenching, tears flowing, fervently praying times of waiting on God that builds endurance and perseverance. Great transformation happens in those exhaustive moments of not seeing a shred of evidence on the horizon but I continue to walk in faith and trust that God will move in his timing.

Back to the story ... did you notice that God created guardrails to just how much influence Satan would be allowed to inflict in Job’s life? By God limiting the enemy, it reinforces for me that Satan never has the free reign he likes to falsely manifest.

That guardrail means God allows only the amount of disturbance through which we will gain endurance, perseverance, and personal growth, all designed to transform us to be more like him.

God knows the outcome. He knows just how much heat is required for my personality, my stubbornness, and my pride. I lean into the fact that how Satan aimed to destroy me is the very same that God will use for my benefit and his glory.

Dr. Tony Evans says,

“God sometimes allows us to go through painful and even prolong suffering to give us a fresh vision of him that goes far beyond what we could have otherwise experienced. So in the midst of your trials, pray for deliverance. But pray also that God would use your circumstance to allow you to see him, understand him, and worship him as never before.“

He did it with Job. Job humbled himself before God:

“I know that you can do anything and no plan of yours can be thwarted.” 42:2

“Therefore, I reject my words and am sorry for them; I am dust and ashes.” 42:6‬ ‭

And as a result, the Lord blessed the last part of Job’s life more than the first.” v.42:12‬

God knows our beginning; he helps us through the middle; and he wants to celebrate with us at the end of every trial.”

(Written By “Waiting Well Changes Everything” on Facebook)

[fa-by]

Did you miss me?

Hey my babies 👋🏼🤗. How are you? Wow, has it really been that long? It's been 1 year and 2 months apparently and it doesn't seem so 😅. I feel like a part of me should apologize for the absence, so I'm sorry 🙏🏼 but, to be completely honest, the other part of me doesn't want to justify because this is just an app we use to distract ourselves from the reality of daily life 🤭🤣. So, for those who have been wondering, my recap is that I'm 31 now, I've been unhealthy/sick for several things, last year I grieved for my baby girl dog who passed away after 12 years (and who took a piece of my soul with her), I changed my job and I’m being mobbed by my boss every day 😅. The several most important good news? I adopted a beautiful puppy girl in September of this year 😍🤩 and my girlfriend whom you also know well came to me here in Italy twice; once for three months last year, and once for our 2-year anniversary this year by staying for almost a month ❤🥰😍🤩. Oh and, of course, I've started writing again as of today. This obviously has to be put among the good news 🤣. I won't hide from you that I've missed writing, so here I am, although I can't promise that I'll be very active in answering the asks as before due to my various commitments, but I'll try to be here more often 😉.

P.S. I'll only post the 6 most recent asks I've received because I didn't want to create a way too long post, but thanks to everyone for the recent and past messages (even last year's ones) ❤🙏🏼.

You broke my heart with that emoji 🥺. I'm here, dear @sweet-dreamcs​ ❤.

I'm here, my dear Anon 😄. I'm all ears 👂🏼 and I've missed all of you too.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄, I answered about my health in the recap at the beginning of the post, thanks for your concern 🤗. I'm fine now, how are you? I hope well 😊.

I do still ship Camren, how could I not? 🤣 I'll ship them forever 😜. And yeah, I saw Laur's new “relationship”, if you want to call it that. I, on the other hand, like to call it for what it is: PR. And that I think explains my thoughts about it 😉.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 well thank you, my dear Anon😄. I like being right 😉. No, I'm just kidding no, I'm not 🤣. Joking aside now, I've already told you guys in the past that everything I post comes from the research I do and that therefore I post only the truth with proofs.

Anyway, yeah I'm not interested in the version with Señorito 😑, I'm just waiting for Mila's undistorted one now. Oh and, my dear? I'm ready for the thousand questions 🤣.

I'm here, dear Anon 😄. As you said yourself, they're both PRs, so don't worry. And I mean it for real. I don't know how I could reassure you guys any better than that since you already know how it works. It's not the first time we've endured it and it certainly won't be the last. Be strong as always, my dear 💪🏼. Don't talk about them around on social media because that's what they want, and hang on. That's my advice, my dear.

Hey to you, dear Anon 👋🏼😄, and I'm okay now. Thanks for asking and I hope you're okay too 😊. Well, how can I answer your question correctly? 🤔🤔

The answer is in your question itself, my dear 🤣. What happened at Coachella and that we saw all over the internet is shit 💩. Yet another display of poor acting. It's as simple as this 🤣. No but, for real. They're simply testing the waters and creating havoc, aka publicity, before Mila's debut with the new label. That's it 🤷🏻‍♀️. Nothing new. Ignore them as I do.

‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

I thank everyone for your concern for me and for continuing to write to me and wanting me back 🥰. I also thank you for the asks and I hope I've been helpful this time too 🙃. I'm always available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😄. Aaaand let's bring back my tradition, shall we? 👅.

Remember to be nice. Always. Both with others and with yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗. I love you, babies. Always with love, F❤️.

[thesickpanda]

Breakdown After Breakdown

So interest rates have gone up, making paying our already HUGE mortgage even more difficult. Partner’s wages aren’t exactly rising. And the cost of food is so high the government is now investigating our two big chain supermarkets for adding to the cost of living stress on the populace.

All this is happening at a time when my partner and I are experiencing major burnout, enduring family drama, and I received some truly terrifying health news (my GI tract is very literally melting from off-the-charts inflammation and I am at high risk for colon cancer, among other things).

 We have been saddled with so much bad news and hardship that we feel we’re about to lose our minds, so we go fuck it, we NEED a break, and booked a cheap motel for two nights over Easter near a national park. We had the modest ambition of spending time in nature looking for orchids and birds.

Yeah, we got one day of that before our old second hand car (which we bought for a few thousand dollars from the side of the road last year) decided to break down for the umpteenth time, and we spent 12 hours of the second day of our 2 day vacation just trying to get home (eventually being towed). The SAME DAY my partner got a virus on his ancient laptop and my mobile phone started to fail. We purchased a new, bargain basement phone in town while waiting for the tow truck to arrive, and less than 2 weeks later I dropped it and smashed the camera on it. YAY.

So no break for us. Fine.

But then shit kept hitting the fan. When we got home, MY computer started to sputter out and die. We cannot afford a new computer right now, as we’re paying off a ton of medical expenses for me, so a week later my partner bought parts for it and rebuilt it himself.

And then there’s the car situation.

Since Easter, 3 mechanics have looked at the car, can identify there is a major problem, but cannot FIND it. So it remains broken. My car is also really old and sprung a leak in the boot and got soaked after a storm, so that now it stinks to high heaven from musty mold.  But we cannot afford another car, so OH WELL. I have a severe mold allergy and a sensitive nose but we cannot afford to valet it, and partner has sincerely had no time to clean it.

Then: our vacuum cleaner broke and the very next day the lawn mower broke, too. The mower repair shop would not even repair it because “that brand is such a cheap piece of shit it’ll just break on you in a few more days and I don’t wanna be held liable”. Wow.

And then this morning the towel rail broke after I hit my head onto it for the millionth time, and the wheel came off the laundry trolley for the second time before a huge load of towels finished in the washing machine. I am already disabled and currently have an inflamed nerve in my right foot, so the lack of a trolley is REALLY not helpful.

This is the week I have to spend an ungodly amount of money on three separate medical professionals and order a very expensive medical test to maaaaybe find the pathogen destroying my gut.

I recently watched a TLDR Global news video about the fertility crisis in South Korea and the world at large and it rightly points out house prices and cost of living being a deterrent for people to have babies. Under the video was a comment that I feel sums up what it is like to be alive in this 21st century:

“Long working hours. Low wages. High costs. No chance of ever owning a house. 0 work-life balance without a child, let alone with one. Layoffs left right and center. Hard if not impossible to get a job even with experience. Life is stressful as is already. Low standards of life. Nothing is family friendly - work, life, schools etc. A lot of the institutions still have the same mentality of - man works, woman stays at home, and it just doesn't fit how people want to live now.”

We are childless and partially own our own home (and only with assistance from the Bank of Mum And Dad as the boomers love to call it) and WE are struggling. How the HELL is humanity going to keep going like this? I am so worn down by the grind of everything, and relative to fellow millennials, we’re doing WELL. The only freedom is money, which the vast majority of us do not have in amounts that would actually afford us quality of life.

All I can say in the face of all this, is fuck capitalism.

And also fuck Australia, which appears to be its biggest bitch at the moment:

Source: TLDR News Global

#angry rant #fuck capitalism #cost of living crisis #australia #chronic illness #the cost of being ill