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pulisicsgirl · 8 months

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gonna be the death of me - mason mount

summary: as his publicist, Y/N is willing to do whatever Mason needs to make him comfortable at his latest sponsored photoshoot

pairing: Mason Mount x publicist!reader

word count: 2.4k

warnings/tags: no established relationship, suggestive language, sexual tension(??), they're both down so badly for each other it's insane

requested: no

notes: surprise!!! I think I speak for all of us when I say we were caught completely off-guard by Mason's new Nike ad... 🫣 But anyway, I was inspired by it to write out a blurb or two, but this one just kept going and it turned into a full-length fic 🤭 So... enjoy?? Also, I couldn't pick only one picture for this fic so please enjoy both of these

As a publicist, there was nothing unusual about you attending an event with one of your clients. Especially when it was for a sponsored ad that you’d had a large part in organizing. But something about this one felt different—a nervous, fluttery feeling in your chest as you walked in the front doors.

Maybe it was the fact that it was Mason, a client of yours that you maybe fancied just a teeny tiny little bit, no matter how hard you tried to convince others that it wasn’t the case.

Or maybe it was the fact that the partnership you had organized for him involved him modeling in nothing but his underwear.

Yeah, it was probably that.

In an effort to remain professional, you had done everything in your power to remain cool and collected that day. You had waited for Mason to arrive, meeting him at the doors before the two of you strolled into the building to determine what needed to be done and where he needed to go.

If Mason was honest with himself, he felt like he was a bit out of his depth with this photoshoot. He had never even been someone to parade himself around topless, let alone in only some tight-fitting underwear.

He had agreed to the shoot months ago, when things hadn’t been going so well for him. He had been struggling with his transfer to a new team and thought that maybe trying something new was just what he needed to snap him out of it. Unfortunately, it had taken quite some time to iron out the details, and now Mason’s nerves were getting the best of him.

So when one of the staff involved in the Nike shoot had approached him, a bottle of body oil in her hands, his stomach sunk to his feet. He only half listened as she explained that it would make the shots look more appealing.

“We understand that this can be a bit uncomfortable, so if you’d like to have someone from your team that you’re more familiar with help you apply it, that would be completely fine. If not, one of the stylists can assist you.” She gestured toward the team of people who had put a few light touches of makeup on his face just about 20 minutes ago.

The Nike team had been nothing but wonderful and accommodating with Mason the entire day, and he really appreciated the effort they had put into making him feel comfortable. He was momentarily relived by the alternative he had been offered, but the relief was short-lived when he realized that the only person on his “team” was you.

The staff member guided him to a cozy dressing room just off the hallway from the main area and explained that he could change and leave his things in this room until the photoshoot was over. There were a few sets of the underwear that he would be modeling laid out for him and a robe hanging to the left of the door.

Mason changed and spent the entire time trying to convince himself to just have one of the Nike staff help him. He didn’t want to make things weird. Part of him did want you to rub your hands all over his body, but he didn’t want the first time you did it to be for something like this.

No matter how much Mason tried to muster up the courage, he just couldn’t shake the way that the idea of a complete stranger oiling him up just compounded the nerves he was feeling, to the point that it made him feel sort of sick.

So minutes later, he was approaching you, body covered by the robe that they had provided for him. You noticed, as he shuffled in your direction, that he was fiddling with his fingers, a nervous habit of his. That, combined with the sheepish look he gave you as he stopped at your side, confirmed that he was feeling a bit anxious.

“Hey, Mase. You doing okay?”

Mason had to ignore the way his heart fluttered at both the nickname and the expression of concern on your face.

“Um, yeah, I-“ he started, stumbling over his words a bit. “If I’m honest, I’m pissing myself at the moment.”

Your eyebrows drew together in sympathy, knowing how difficult it must be to be paraded around like this.

“You’re going to do amazing, okay?” you smiled at him, and he only nodded in response. As he shifted back and forth on his feet, you knew there was something else on his mind.

“Um, could you… could you actually do something for me?”

“Anything, Mase. What do you need?”

Having worked with numerous high-profile clients, you learned that when a client asked for something, the answer was always “yes” and if it was something you couldn’t do… well you needed to figure out how to do it anyway. But Mason had never been one to give you much trouble. He had always been extremely kind and considerate of you.

“This is, um… well it’s a bit strange, and if you want to say no that’s completely fine, but,” he paused, taking a brief glance up at your face before he spoke quickly so he didn’t chicken out. “They gave me this oil I need to put over my chest and back and everything and they said I could have someone from my team apply it so it would be someone I’m comfortable with.”

He took another short pause as he tried to gauge your reaction. Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was saying. He must have noticed the slight falter in your expression.

His team… you’re his entire team today. He means you.

“If you don’t want to, it’s completely okay. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t—”

“Mason, it’s okay,” you rested your hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, still feeling a bit hesitant. “I would really appreciate it. I’m just… I’m feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing, and I’m not overly fond of the idea of a stranger putting their hands all over my body.”

But you are fond of the idea of me putting my hands all over your body?

You mentally slapped yourself, trying to rid your mind of the filthy thoughts that were running through it.

“Don’t worry about it, Mason,” you smiled at him reassuringly, masking the way that your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your throat. “That’s what I’m here for, right?”

That was absolutely not what you were there for.

So that was how you found yourself following Mason into the dressing room that Nike had set up for him.

You couldn’t help the little flutter in your heart as you noticed that, rather than leaving them on the floor, he had neatly folded his clothes in a pile and placed them on a table in the corner of the room. You weren’t sure why that small detail affected you the way that it did.

Mason untied the belt of the robe, slipping it from his shoulders and tossing it over the back of the chair. You cast your eyes to the floor, suddenly feeling flustered at the sight of his nearly naked body, covered by only a tight-fitting pair of boxer briefs that left very little to the imagination.

It blew your mind that anyone who looked like he did could be feeling nervous or insecure about showing himself off. But Mason was merely human, after all, like anyone else.

You did your best to be as calm and causal about the situation as you possibly could. Mason approached the large vanity in the room, pointing you to the bottle of oil he had been instructed to apply to his body sitting on the counter in front of the mirror. You unscrewed the cap, placing a bit in your hand and telling Mason that you would start with his back.

You figured starting there would give you a moment to collect yourself before you had to look at him, face-to-face.

You rubbed the small amount of oil between your palms to warm it before placing them flat over Mason’s back and the touch of his skin on yours felt like an electric shock. You didn’t miss the way that the muscles in his back tensed slightly when you first touched him.

You spread the oil over the soft skin, from his shoulders, down to his waist. As you rubbed it into his lower back, you couldn’t help but admire how the underwear he was modeling hugged his bum.

No! Stop! Get it together, Y/N!

You tried to force yourself to think of anything else—anything other than Mason and his bum and the fact that you were oiling up his naked back.

You began analyzing the kind of oil they were using for the shoot (you had to come up with something, right?). It was sort of light and didn’t make his skin look greasy, like a swimsuit model or anything. It more so had the appearance like he had done a light workout and worked up a thin layer of sweat.

I can think of a few activities we could do to work up a sweat…

You shook your head, trying to snap yourself out of whatever this effect was that Mason was having on you.

Deciding that his back was finished, you stepped around to Mason’s front, pouring a bit more of the oil into your palms and running your hands over his arms.

Then, the only bit left to do was the bit that you didn’t know if you would survive… his chest and stomach.

You discreetly tried to take a deep breath, biting the inside of your cheek as you started at the top of his shoulders, brushing your hands over his collarbones before your hands drifted lower. You felt the heat rushing into your cheeks.

Mason prayed silently that you couldn’t feel the way his heart was hammering in his chest as your palms smoothed over his skin. He felt like every inch of him was on fire as you touched him in a way that was more intimate than you ever had before.

But as he tried to focus on anything other than how much you were putting him on edge, Mason glanced down to your face and realized he wasn’t alone in how he felt.

He watched as your cheeks burned bright red and you refused to look even remotely close to his face. He felt suddenly a bit lighter at the realization that you were just as tense as he was.

“I thought I was supposed to be the one that was nervous here,” he mumbled quietly, attempting to break the tension in the room.

He could tell you were fighting the grin that took over your face almost immediately. “Oh shut up, you,” you tried to keep up appearances, but it fell flat and Mason could read you easily. You both giggled softly.

You finished up the last bit of his torso, smoothing your hands down his sides, over his Champions League tattoo that you tried to admire without him noticing, and across his tummy. You noted the tiny mole on the upper part of his stomach, swiping a finger over it as you brushed the last bit of oil onto him.

You took one step back from him. “Alright, I think that should do it,” you spoke as you tried to wipe at an itch on your face with the back of your hand.

Mason noticed a shining spot of oil that you left behind. He stepped forward, nearly closing the gap between you as he lifted a hand, wiping it off of the tip of your nose with his thumb.

You gazed up at his face, unable to get away with just gluing your eyes to his torso the way you had been before. The look in his eyes was unreadable as he dropped his hand from your mouth to your jaw, just slightly pulling your lower lip down with his thumb, watching your reaction closely.

The tension between the two of you could’ve been cut by a knife. You felt as though you had stopped breathing as the you stood there, neither daring to make a single sound. Your eyes darted around his face, taking in all of the features you had never noticed before. His hand continued caressing your jaw as you held your hands cautiously on either side of him, afraid to make more of a mess with your oil-covered hands.

Abrupt knocking on the door of the dressing room caused you both to jump, snapping out of the sort of trance you had been in.

“We’re ready for you in 5!” a voice shouted from the other side of the door.

Both of you took a step back from each other, suddenly aware of how close you had been standing. Mason cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck as he tried to gather himself.

“Will you be alright?” you asked, remembering how nervous he had been feeling just a few minutes ago.

“Y-Yeah, I-“ he hesitated for a moment. “Yeah,” he repeated, this time a little more certain.

Seeing how flustered you had been at seeing him the moment he had taken off the robe and how you had blushed at your fingers touched his skin had been the confidence boost he needed to be a little more sure of himself. Seeing the way that you had reacted to him made him feel ready to go out and do the photoshoot.

You watched a soft smile pass over his face, and you wondered what could possibly be going on in that gorgeous head of his.

“Alright,” you giggled at his expression, now seeming much lighter than he had before. “I guess you should head on out. I’ll clean up here and then I’ll be right there.”

Mason nodded, slipping the robe back over his shoulders before he turned to walk out of the room.

With the sudden boost of confidence, he spun on his heel, dipping his head to place a quick kiss on your cheek, and then he was out the door before you had the chance to react.

Your eyes went wide as you took a moment to process everything that had just happened. When you turned to the vanity to begin tidying up, you caught sight of your beet red cheeks. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as the biggest grin took over your face.

This boy was certainly going to be the death of you…

tag list:@landoslover @thoseboysinblue @lovelynikol16 @swimmingismywholelife @masonsrem @bracedes @neverinadream @lizzypotter14 @notsoattractivearenti @chilwellspulisic @mm-vii @10vnderhaze

#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine #mason mount fic #footballer fic #footballer imagine #mason mount fluff #mason mount angst #mason mount fanfic #mason mount one shot #mason mount blurb

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slut4thebroken · 6 months

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Exposure Therapy pt. 12

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x reader

Summary | Jon comes home to find you crying and in a moment of weakness, you make a mistake.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, smut, pregnancy scare, post panic attack?, angst, comfort, body worship?, deep throating, fingering, vaginal sex, breeding, disgusting fluff

Words | 4.3k

Notes | I recommend grabbing a barf bag before proceeding because the fluff in this is absolutely nauseating. (Also I’m reusing gifs now I guess😭)

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Part 11

The front door opened softly, then shut just as quiet, and you held your breath as you listened for his footsteps. He called your name, presumably walking around the apartment to find you. Then the handle on the bathroom door jiggled, but it wouldn’t open.

“Don’t come in.” You croaked, even though it was locked anyway.

“Are you crying? What happened?” He sounded significantly more worried now, which only made you feel worse.

“Nothing, I- I’m just.. going to the bathroom.” You muttered weakly, hugging your legs tighter to your chest.

“Please let me in, little one.” You let out a quiet sob and buried your face in your knees. After a moment, you heard the door crack open and you lifted your head as he walked in, pocketing his keys. You cursed at yourself for not remembering that these kinds of door handle locks can be turned from the outside.

“What happened?” He kneeled next to you and brushed your hair away from your face to see you better as his other hand gently wiped the tears off your cheeks.

“I- I threw up.” You said through a sob, feeling your chest start to tighten and your breathing start to come in short pants again.

“That’s why you’re crying?” You knew he didn’t understand it yet.

“Jon, I threw up.” You gave him a knowing look as you bit your trembling lip, waiting for him to figure it out. His lips parted and his eyes just barely widened, so you gave him a pained smile before looking at your knees again.

“Do you still feel sick?”

“Not because of that.” You muttered, mostly sure that you were nauseous from anxiety and fear now, rather than actual morning sickness. He helped you to your feet and brought you over to the sink, instructing you to just rinse your mouth out a little so you didn’t have to keep tasting it. When you finished, he led you to the bed and pulled you onto it, letting you lay over him as he wrapped his arms around your torso.

“You can take a test, then we’ll go from there, okay?” He said softly, placing a kiss on your hair.

“What about after that? It’s not like I can exactly just walk into a clinic now.”

“I know a doctor who owes me a favor. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Jon.” The exhaustion was clear in your voice, especially now that you were laying down, in his arms.

“Regardless, I’m still sorry you had to go through that alone. I won’t leave your side until we have it figured out.”

“You don’t have to do that… I overreacted.”

“I’d hardly call having a panic attack over a very valid fear overreacting.” He scoffed teasingly, making the corners of your lips turn up a little.

“Still, if I would’ve just thought it through for a moment I wouldn’t have spiraled.”

“They’re called irrational fears for a reason, darling.”

“You keep doing that.” You muttered, cheeks burning.

“Doing what?”

“Calling me new names.”

“You like them.” He said simply, as if that explained the total switch from reluctantly calling you one name, to now using multiple, voluntarily.

“But you don’t…” The way you said it made it sound like a question, but he didn’t answer. You did, however, hear his heart rate increase slightly. “Do you?” You asked skeptically, practically able to feel the way he probably rolled his eyes.

“It’s tolerable.” He muttered and you lifted your head to look at him, finding the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips.

“God- you’re such a softie.” You mumbled, laying back down, biting back a grin. He scoffed in response.

“Once you’re feeling better, we’ll see if you still think I’m a softie.” The seductive tone made your stomach flutter.

“Sex doesn’t count. That’s pretend.” After a moment of silence, he seemed to realize you won this round because the only response you got was a huff.

You laid there silently, listening to his heart beating and trying to feel the warmth of his chest beneath his suit. His hand moved up to lightly play with your hair and scratch your head, making your eyes flutter shut as you smiled.

“Feels good.” You mumbled against him, eyes growing incredibly heavy all of a sudden.

“Are you tired?” He asked quietly and you hummed in agreement. “Go to sleep, little one. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He placed another kiss on top of your head, making your heart flutter.

“Thanks. Love you.” You mumbled, words slurring together. His hand froze and he stiffened beneath you, but it barely registered in your exhausted brain. He placed another kiss on your head, this one longer and gentler, then continued petting your hair, his heart pounding much louder in his chest now.

Despite getting a few hours of sleep, you still felt tired and drained when you woke up, more than likely because of your extremely long and intense crying session. The second you realized that all you felt were the sheets, you opened your eyes and reached out on the bed, feeling for him.

“Jon?” You mumbled, trying to get your eyes to adjust to the light.

“I’m here.” You turned over and found him sitting on the bed next to you, now in sweatpants and a shirt, with some papers on his lap.

“God- I feel like shit.” You groaned, letting your head drop into the pillow.

“I left water for you on the nightstand. Do you want anything else?” Fuck— water sounds amazing right now. Keeping your head buried in the pillow, you blindly reached for the nightstand and moved your hand around until you met the bottle sitting there. You barely lifted your head enough to chug the drink.

“I hate crying, I always feel so gross and tired after.” You grumbled, setting the bottle back on the nightstand.

“You seem to be in a better mood despite that.” He noted. You laid back down on the pillow and placed a hand on his bicep, wanting to touch him, but still trying to let him work.

“I trust you and I know you’re going to help me figure it out.” You let your eyes fall shut, listening to his pen gliding across the paper.

“Are you okay with a normal test? Or would you prefer to get tested at the doctor's office.”

“Um…” You bit your lip, feeling embarrassed about your answer. False negatives on drugstore tests are not uncommon. Plus you just trust an ‘official’ test more. He seemed to pick up on what you were thinking though.

“I’ll take you.”

“Thanks.” Your heart suddenly dropped when you got hit with deja vu. “Thanks. Love you.” Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Clearing your throat, you tried to organize your thoughts and not panic. Maybe he didn’t hear it? He doesn’t seem upset so maybe he did hear it but he doesn’t care? Because he didn’t say it back… Is that why he’s not laying with you anymore and laying beside you instead?

He shushed you softly and placed his hand over yours on his arm.

“I didn’t say anything…”

“Not aloud, no.” Sometimes it’s a little unnerving how easily he can read you. Should you apologize? Take it back? He would’ve said it back by now if he felt the same way though… You tried not to tear up at the thought, but it made your chest ache and you couldn’t help it.

“I- I didn’t mean… I said that by accident. I didn’t mean to.” You said weakly. The pen on the paper suddenly stopped and you held your breath, waiting to be yelled at or left alone.

“You didn’t mean to say it or you didn’t mean it?” He asked quietly. You bit your lip and angled your face more toward the pillow because you could practically feel his eyes on your head.

“Um…” You did mean it. And you’re pretty sure he knows that. This felt like one of those moments that would change the way everything goes from here. If you tell him the truth, he either feels the same way, or he doesn’t. If you lie, he’ll either be relieved or disappointed. You’re not sure which option is more worth the risk.

“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it.” What the fuck does that mean?

“Did you want me to mean it?” He just paused, then sighed quietly at your response. He was silent for so long that you could practically hear your heart breaking. “Let’s just- forget about it. Pretend it never happened… I’m sorry for saying it in the first place, I shouldn’t have.” Taking in a shaky breath, you realized that your eyes were completely blurry with tears that were on the verge of falling any second now. You quickly sat up and started moving toward the edge of the bed to get up and go to the bathroom, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“…The bathroom?” Your voice trembled embarrassingly, making you feel worse about all of this. When you tried pulling away, his grip tightened, but not enough to actually hurt you.

“Yes.” He said, voice strained.

“What?”

“I… I want you to have meant it.”

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better,”

“I’m not.” He said firmly, cutting you off. “I- I… feel the same.” You turned back around and he looked down once he met your gaze. You’ve never heard him stumble over his words like this.

“Are you fucking with me?” Your tone was harsher now, a warning. If he was lying or making fun of you… you’re not afraid to go find your wristband with his toxin and use it on him.

“Do you really think I would do that?” He scoffed in what might’ve been amusement.

“Answer me.”

“No, I’m not.” He sighed. “I just— Don’t expect me to be able to say it. I haven’t since I was a child.” The thought made you frown. He probably didn’t say it to his family as a child based on what he told you, but he’s never had anyone in his adult life that he felt that way about?

“You’ve never had any girlfriends or anything?” You asked, trying to get rid of your frown so he didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Believe it or not, I wasn’t very popular with women. I’m still not.” Even though part of you can believe that, another part is just completely surprised that he hasn’t had one girlfriend.

“How?? You’re smart and kinky and funny and kind and pretty and you have fluffy hair. How has no one been interested?” His cheeks turned pink and he looked away from you again.

“Most people don’t agree with my… line of work.”

“I see… Well that’s their loss.” You shrugged, making the corners of his lips turn up.

“You think I’m pretty?” He suddenly asked, making you smile.

“I think you’re very pretty.” You crawled toward him and moved the papers away so you could sit on his lap, his hands lightly holding your hips. “Your lips are so pink and soft,” You said quietly, cupping his cheek and trailing your thumb over them, “and I don’t even know how it’s possible to have bone structure like this.” You softly trailed your fingers over his cheekbones, staring at them in awe and feeling how warm his cheeks were getting. “And you have freckles. They’re really faint, but I like them a lot.” You brushed your fingers across his nose and cheeks, following the path of freckles.

“Your eyes are pretty too.” You gently removed his glasses and set them on top of the papers. “Mesmerizing.” You muttered, absentmindedly, as your gaze shifted between his eyes. He looked away from you, snapping you out of the trance you were in.

“Why do you think I had such a big crush on you after we first met?” You chuckled, making him look at you again.

“You did?”

“Yes, you dork. Honestly, it was a little embarrassing. You made me so nervous.” Now it was your turn to blush a little.

“I thought you were just nervous because of the.. usual topic of our discussions.”

“It was a bit of both.” There was a lull in the conversation, so you decided to change the subject. “You know what else I think is pretty?” He didn’t give you a verbal response, trying to seem nonchalant about it. Placing your hands on his chest, you snaked them down his stomach to his pants, teasing the waistband. “Your cock.” You smirked, carefully studying his reaction. Which was worth it because for half a second, he was flustered and surprised before he schooled his face into a more neutral expression.

“How on earth can that be pretty?” He scoffed, cheeks glowing red now.

“You tell me, doctor.” You said teasingly. His hands started dragging down your thighs, then back up to your hips. “How about I compliment it properly, hm?” You moved down to sit over his thighs and grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants, waiting for him to stop you, but he never did. So you kept going, only pulling them down to his mid thigh.

It didn’t take long for you to stroke him to full hardness as you laid on your stomach between his legs. When you kissed the tip of his cock and licked up the bead of precum, he let out a shaky breath and placed a gentle hand on the back of your head.

“You get so pink,” you said quietly, mouthing at the head of his cock, “and there’s this vein down here,” you licked a long stripe up the bottom of his cock, over the vein, “it’s so fucking hot.” You whispered. Glancing up at him, you noticed that his cheeks were even more red now as he stared down at you in almost awe.

Wanting to tease him, you kissed down his cock until you reached his balls and started licking and kissing them gently. Your hand was still holding his cock, but it was unmoving. When his hips bucked, you couldn’t help but smirk against him.

“Be patient, Jon.” You reprimanded softly.

“Stop being a tease.” He said through a breath, making you pull away with a pout.

“Jonny, please just let me take my time. Haven’t had you in my mouth in so long.” You whined, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. He cursed under his breath and let his head fall back until it hit the headboard quietly.

“Stop calling me that.” The weak demand was the only protest you got, so you leaned back down to continue.

“But I like calling you Jonny. Makes your face so red.” You giggled quietly, barely pulling away to speak. As you mouthed at his balls, he threaded his fingers through your hair and lightly grabbed it, not moving you at all though.

“Red from annoyance maybe.” He grumbled, making you smile. When you sucked one of his balls in your mouth, his breath caught in his throat and his grip tightened just the slightest amount. You released his cock, letting it rest on his stomach, and he huffed as the barest amount of stimulation went to no stimulation. You pulled off with a wet pop and looked up at him through your lashes.

“Are you sure, Jonny?” You asked innocently, but your grin turned outright devious when his cock twitched on his stomach. He rolled his eyes with a scoff.

“That means nothing.” He muttered, gently pushing your head back down. You decided to give him a break from the teasing and focus on the task at hand. Sucking the other one in your mouth, you picked up his cock and stroked slowly, forcing a shaky breath out of him as he ran his fingers through your hair, letting you have full control. If he keeps acting like this, you’re going to get on a total power trip— especially after the last time you had sex. Maybe not a dominant power trip, but a power trip nonetheless.

You continued licking and kissing and sucking, all while slowly stroking him and savoring his soft sounds. After another moment, you decided to kiss back up his cock until you reached the tip. When you licked the bead of precum, he cursed under his breath and you smiled to yourself, licking the head of his cock again just to tease him.

“C’mon.” He urged quietly, not yet forcing you though. When you held the base of his cock and mouthed at the tip, he all but whined as he squirmed under you. “Please, little one.” You barely heard it, but you knew you didn’t hallucinate it.

“You’re being so patient, Jonny.” You said proudly, making his cock jump in your hand. “I promise I’ll start soon, I just wanna enjoy this first.” He let out a quiet sigh when you continued licking and sucking on the tip, never going any lower.

“Baby, please.” He whined, making you moan around him. Something about that pet name is just different than the others and you couldn’t help but give in.

“Okay, Jonny.” You gave him a small smile before leaning back down and wrapping your lips around him, immediately taking him half way. Your hand stayed at the base as you bobbed up and down.

“Fuck… Good girl.” He said through a breath. His fingers threaded through your hair again, but he didn’t take control yet. When your hand slipped down to cup his balls and you took him deeper in your mouth, he let out a choked moan as his hips flinched up, making you gag. He didn’t verbally apologize, he just brought his other hand up to gently pet your head as you continued.

You took him deeper and deeper each time until his cock was hitting the back of your mouth. When you reached up and put your hand on top of the one he had in your hair, pushing down on it, he cursed under his breath, but complied eagerly. His cock breached your throat barrier and you choked as he let out a low groan.

“So fucking good.” He groaned and if you were able to make any sounds, you would’ve whined at the praise. He pulled you off and let you catch your breath. While you panted, you stroked his cock, looking up at him and he cursed under his breath at the sight of you, then moved you back onto his cock.

He fucked your throat slowly, but pushed you all the way down everytime, making you gag as saliva and tears started building up. When he pushed you down and held you there, you tried to control your gag reflex so you could stay like this, but you weren’t successful. You couldn’t pull off so you placed your hands on his thighs and tried harder, but he just grabbed your hand in his free one and held it, letting you squeeze to ground yourself.

He removed the pressure and you shot up with a gasp, trying to calm down quickly so you could keep going. His thumb was rubbing back and forth on your hand, soothing you while simultaneously making your stomach flutter.

“Come up here, little one.” He said softly, making you frown.

“But ‘m not done.” You pouted, making the corners of his lips turn up into a small smile.

“I know, darling, but I don’t want to come in your mouth.” His tone was far too sweet for the words that left his mouth. You glanced at his cock with a blush, then looked back up at him and nodded.

“Okay.” You got up on your knees and started pushing his shirt up, making him stiffen a little. When you reached his chest, you told him to take it off and he obeyed. Instead of settling on his lap, you stayed between his legs and snaked your hands back down his torso. The scars littering his body made you frown, especially now that you knew where most of them were from. When you leaned down to kiss one, his body went completely stiff under you, making you pause.

“What are you doing?” His tone was guarded and a little harsh, and you faltered.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t have to.” You said quietly, pulling away more to look up at him. He stared down at you with apprehension, looking like he was having an internal battle in his mind about what he wanted. Even after he relaxed a little, you still waited, only moving when he gave you a small nod.

You just barely pressed your lips to the raised skin, still worried you were making him uncomfortable. When he didn’t go stiff or push you away, you continued. You kissed most of the scars on his stomach, going up to his chest. You reached the highest one, just below his collar bone, and finally straddled his legs. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned down to kiss him and his hands settled on your hips.

One of his hands snaked over your stomach and down until he reached your underwear. He slipped his hand inside and cursed under his breath at your obvious arousal. When he started rubbing slow circles on your clit, you whined into the kiss and squirmed on his lap.

“Fuck me.” You whispered, making his grip tighten on your hip.

“You’re not ready yet.” He replied, just as quietly, then started trailing kisses over your jaw and down to your neck to darken the fading bruises.

“Please, Jonny… s’too empty.” You whimpered, grinding against his hand.

“Soon, little one.” You huffed and he bit down on your skin, making you wince, but grind harder against him. He slipped your shirt over your head, then leaned forward, taking your nipple in his mouth and sucking gently.

“Please— ‘m ready…” You whined. All he did was switch to the other nipple to give it the same treatment. When he finally pulled back and removed his hand, you threaded your fingers through his hair, pulling lightly. He suddenly grabbed your panties with both hands and ripped them clean off your body, making you gasp out a moan.

“I liked those…” You whined, pouting.

“I’ll buy you more.” He didn’t actually roll his eyes, but his tone made it seem like he was about to. When he lined his cock up with your entrance, your breath caught in your throat and you waited anxiously. “Relax.” He whispered, pulling you down to kiss you again. Your body obeyed and as soon as he felt your muscles loosen up, he pulled you down onto him, making you both moan into the kiss. It was still a little tight, and there was a faint burning sensation, but it satisfied every part of you that was needing to feel full.

He started pulling your hips forward and back, rocking you against him slowly until you picked up the pace on your own. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined, but he ignored you and just brushed your hair out of your face, then cupped your cheek.

“Say it again.” He said through a breath, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What?”

“Say it. Please.” His eyes bored into yours with an almost desperate look that you weren’t used to, that’s when it finally clicked. You stared down at him, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of his cock inside you and focus on getting the words out, but it was hard. Even though you’re the more vulnerable one in this relationship, you’re still not used to it.

“I—” You choked out, unable to finish.

“Please, little one.” He whispered, squeezing your hip a little harder. So you took a deep breath and tried again.

“I love you,” The words were still foreign on your tongue. He let out a shaky breath and pulled you back down into a kiss, making you moan at the suddenness.

“Again.” He mumbled against your lips.

“I love you.” Your movements were growing more eager and he moved his hand down to rub your clit, bringing you closer to the edge. “I love you, Jon.” He had to separate from the kiss as he panted, but he kept his forehead pressed to yours.

“I—” He started, making your heart skip a beat. But his breathing quickly grew more labored and you could tell it was out of anxiety rather than arousal.

“I know. You don’t have to say it yet.” You whispered, even though your entire being was craving the opposite. He didn’t seem convinced that that was enough, so you added, “I love you too.”

Too.

Because he loves you.

He loves you and you love him too.

Your orgasm hit you suddenly and you moaned and whined as you writhed in his lap. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip got even tighter on your hip as his release crashed over him. Through the almost intense orgasm, you could feel hot come painting your walls, adding to your already overwhelming pleasure. When it finally passed and you were both panting, he pushed your hair that had fallen forward out of your face and cupped your cheek again, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Do you really mean it?” He asked quietly, looking up at you nervously. You moved your hands from his hair to the sides of his head and held him there gently, not letting him look away.

“Yes. More than anything.” You whispered, watching his eyes flutter as he swallowed thickly. “Do you really mean it?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate this time.

Part 13

Taglist (join here)

@pedrisgatorade @lunyyx @faebirdie @idkdudsworld @rentaldarling @cillianscrybaby @vivvive @ceruleanrainblues @mrkdvidal1989 @brooklynscherry-z @ohmysatansstuff @aviamulier @d1lf-loverthinqs @butlersluvbot @miyababby @n1ghtw1ngslver @mandowhatnow @baekhyunstruly @nashja @xxorazz @crunchsworld @babaohhhriley @deceitfuldevout @gentyleman @lorelais-world @shroombloom-rry @pinguwrites @bluujaiwrites @ohmysatansstuff @halleysc6met @d1lf-loverthinqs @baekhyunstruly

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modanisgf · 5 months

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HYPE BOY / KIM MINJI

note— kinda short bc i scrapped the og oneshot 😭

“I JUST WANT YOU CALL MY PHONE RIGHT NOW; I JUST WANNA HEAR ‘YOU’RE MINE’”

☆ pairing(s): idol minji x idol reader

☆ warning(s): none!

masterlist

with the endless rumors in the kpop industry, being in a secret relationship was hard. especially when your girlfriend was y/n.

the way y/n presents herself has caused many misunderstandings as the girl is just a touchy person in general. y/n typically uses physical touch to show she’s comfortable with a person but fans don’t seem to understand that, unfortunately.

minji didn’t exactly know how to feel, her girlfriend being trending nearly every week with a new dating scandal.

“are txts beomgyu and lesserafims y/n dating?”

“are these two groupmates dating? lesserafim’s yunjin and y/n seen holding hands on their way to the market”

basically y/n was rumored to be with everyone, everyone but minji. the latter had noticed this rolling her eyes as she scrolled through her socials, currently laying down with y/n.

y/n could only giggle at her girlfriends expression as she read through all the people y/n had been rumored to be with.

“they’re always so far off.” y/n says to which minji nods.

“closest they’ve gotten is hanni.” minji sighs relaxing in her bed, y/n clinging to her.

“how’d they even get hanni? we barely interact publicly.” y/n questions receiving a shrug from minji.

“i’ll wait patiently for the day our names pop up together in a tweet from dispatch.” minji says.

“what’re you gonna do?” y/n asks.

“i’m gonna confirm our relationship.” minji says confidently.

“mhm.. like our company would let you do that.” y/n says.

“don’t get fired please, i need someone’s dorm to sneak into at night.” y/n whines.

“you can just go to hannis.” minji says sarcastically.

“minji,” y/n starts giggling. “i promise i’ll always be yours.”

“you pinky promise?” minji asks holding out her pinky for y/n to grab.

“yes i pinky promise.” y/n says interlocking their pinkies.

“no matter how hard life gets i won’t ever give up on you.”

🎬: Y/N AND MINJI SPOTTED

“how long does it take to get a bag of skittles..” y/n mumbles. minji most definitely wasn’t getting only skittles, the girl being in the store for fifteen minutes now.

y/n debated on going in, she knew if she did someone would probably spot her and minji walking out together. but she walked in the store anyways, looking for her girlfriend.

y/n soon found minji standing in the freezer isle, the girl wrapping her arms around her girlfriends waist and holding her.

“ji, what’re you looking for?” y/n asks noticing the way minji tensed up, the girl calming down once she heard y/n’s voice.

“i forgot hyein wanted me to get stuff for her.” minji says to which y/n nods.

“you know someone’s gonna see us once we leave right?”

“i know it’s the main reason i came in.”

🎬: Y/N CONFIRMS SHES IN A RELATIONSHIP?

“so y/n, do you have anyone special in your life right now?” the interviewer asks, receiving a look from chaewon immediately after.

y/n just dismisses the randomness of the question and answers, “yeah me and her are doing well.”

“her?”

“yep!” y/n says smiling widely.

minji who was watching the interview before she went to sleep couldn’t help but smile. she felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

she couldn’t ask for a better girl.

📖: HYBE CONFIRMS THE RELATIONSHIP OF NEWJEANS MINJI AND LESSERAFIM Y/N

only an hour ago, hybe released a statement regarding the arising rumors about minji and y/n which took kpop twitter by a storm. both ador and source music (the labels the two girls are under) backed this up as well, saying that the two girls are dating.

amazing day for us sapphic kpop stans! minji and y/n are finally able to talk about each other on lives and i can’t wait for their content.

#newjeans #danielle marsh #kang haerin #le sserafim #huh yunjin #kim chaewon #lesserafim reader #newjeans fanfic #newjeans x reader #newjeans fluff #newjeans minji #minji x reader #kim minji #minji kim

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saaraofthesand · 1 year

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Oda Didn’t Understand Dazai: An Opinion By Me

@catboychuuuya wanted me to elaborate on that bit in my Soukoku post about Odasaku not really understanding Dazai. I aim to please, so here I am.

Let’s begin

Part A: Buraiha Trio

Oda wasn’t necessarily a bad friend. He just didn’t really know what to do with Dazai. I actually think Ango was both a better friend toward, and had a better understanding of, Dazai (Oda pushed Dazai toward the light, but Ango was the reason he got to stay there).

Oda decided that Dazai should live in the light, but I think Ango always thought he belonged there. Like he knew that Dazai had the potential to be good.

In the prologue of the Dark Era light novel, Ango is the one truly bothered by Dazai’s apathy and suicidal tendencies. Oda has very mild reactions to all of it. Dazai is basically crying out for help, and Oda’s reactions are very indulgent (kind of “that’s nice, sweetie”).

"'Oh yeah, I created a new hot-pot recipe. Would you guys be up to trying it next time we hang out? I call it the 'superhuman stamina pot.' You can run for hours without getting tired after eating it. It’s a dream of a—'

'Not in a million years,' Ango sternly declined.

'If it keeps you from getting tired, then it might be pretty useful before a hard day's work,' I added.

'…Odasaku, that's exactly the problem right there. You're enabling Dazai. You don't speak up, and that's why he goes off the rails.'

I see. So this was what Ango meant by 'enabling' him. You learn something new every day."

Now, again, Oda was not a bad person or friend. It’s normal to joke around with your friends. But also, I think it’s pretty clear (Particularly in Storm Bringer and the Dark Era) that Dazai was genuinely struggling in the mafia. He was extremely unhappy.

Another problem with Oda is that he put Dazai on a pedestal like almost everyone else in the mafia (exceptions are Chuuya and Ango for sure).

"No matter what he did, Dazai seemed to reach heights that normal people couldn’t."

The difference between Odasaku and the rest of the mafia is that Dazai greatly admired Odasaku. He admired his belief system and resolve. That’s why I think it’s so sad that Oda didn’t really understand Dazai, because Dazai took Oda’s word as gospel.

There’s one last quote from the prologue that I want to talk about:

"We had a saying in the Port Mafia: 'The greatest misfortune for Dazai’s enemies is that they are Dazai’s enemies.' If he wanted to, he could even have a picnic in the middle of a firefight. Dazai was practically born to be in the Mafia."

This is the first case where I think it’s clear that Oda has a fundamental misunderstanding of Dazai.

Dazai was not born to be in the mafia. He was groomed to be in mafia by Mori. Mori picked him because he was an extremely intelligent, yet directionless child. I think we all spend so much time thinking of Dazai as a puppet master that we forget that he is also capable of being manipulated himself.

Dazai is eighteen during the Dark Era. Eighteen. He’s a teenager. He’s not a mastermind. He’s a lost kid in desperate need of guidance. He spent four incredibly formative years of his life suffering under Mori’s thumb (One before officially joining the mafia, three after). Odasaku was Dazai’s hope, someone he could look to instead of Mori. He wanted to be like him so badly.

Part B: Something to Live For

“Odasaku…,” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording, but—don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be something…”

Yeah, you read that right. Dazai just presented an optimistic outlook on life.

He’s speaking to someone who has just lost his main purpose in being in the mafia, taking care of those orphans. Yet, he’s begging him to find a new reason to live anyway.

Part C: Last Words

That brings me to Odasaku’s final moments.

“‘You won’t find it,’ Odasaku said in almost a whisper. Dazai stared at him. ‘You should know that. Whether you’re on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.’”

Okay, so, Odasaku is right that Dazai won’t find purpose in the darkness, but he’s wrong about why. Dazai is not an empty person incapable of happiness. Even though Dazai thinks this means that Odasaku understood him well, we can’t forget that Dazai doesn’t really understand himself. His feelings. His mind. Dazai genuinely believes that nothing can make him happy, but he’s wrong and the consequences to Oda’s words are huge.

Now, Dazai thinks he’s a villain pretending to be hero. He thinks he’s inherently empty. WHICH IS WRONG.

Think about why Dazai went to Oda’s side in the first place. Because Oda was his friend. Dazai put his personal feelings first in that situation, and he does that more often than people tend to notice. He’s actually motivated by emotions a lot.

During Storm Bringer, Dazai basically moves Heaven and Earth to stop Verlaine and keep Chuuya in the mafia.

“‘I joined the Mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence—close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that…’ Dazai paused before continuing, ‘…I would be able to find something—a reason to live.’”

We have to remember who prompted Dazai to think that, Chuuya. An idea born from Dazai’s relationship to another person, not the idea itself, was what made him join the mafia.

Ranpo is definitely autistic coded, but so is Dazai. Since No Longer Human was extremely influential on BSD, and that novel has a lot of autobiographical elements in it, it makes sense that Dazai seems autistic. After reading No Longer Human myself, I really do think that Osamu Dazai (the author) was autistic. Yōzō’s (the protagonist of No Longer Human) behavior is very autistic. I mean, at one point, he describes masking verbatim.

I’m mentioning this because I think that what Dazai hopes to understand is not a reason to live itself, but other people’s motivation to live. It’s an extension of the very autistic feeling of alienation from other people. Dazai thinks there’s something wrong with him because despite caring about other people a lot, he has trouble understanding their illogical behavior. He also struggles to understand his own illogical behavior.

I also think this is why Oda struggles to understand Dazai. Because people who aren’t autistic usually struggle to understand autism. Autistic people often get profiled as ‘sociopaths’ (an outdated term that refers to Antisocial Personality Disorder) and are seen as emotionless monsters.

Dazai distances himself from other people as a defense mechanism. In his own words, “I always lose the things I don’t want to lose the most. That’s why I don’t feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it. That’s just how things are. There is nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.” I think that indicates that he cares very much about the people in his life, but that he also lives in constant fear of losing them.

Conclusion

I don’t know how well I articulated any of this (I’m neurodivergent, can you tell?), but my point is that Odasaku took a lot about Dazai at face value, instead of trying to peel back the layers and understand him as a person. He ended up dehumanizing Dazai a bit in the process.

Dazai is far from perfect, but he’s also not inhuman.

I think about this quote from Atsushi a lot, “People need to be told they’re worthy of being alive by someone else or they can’t go on.” Like, what would have happened if someone told Dazai his life was worth living even without some grand purpose?

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #no longer human #sakunosuke oda #oda sakunosuke #the dark era

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ohtobeleah · 7 months

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Goodbye, Goodbye // Jake Seresin

-> A Terms of Endearment Blurb

Summary: Jake & Amilia have been trying for a year, when they do fall pregnant it leads to a much bigger discovery and an even bigger heart heartbreak.

Warnings: Pregnancy journey. Pregnancy talk. Miscarriage. Ovarian Cancer. Jake Seresin x OC reader. PLEASE READE THE WARNINGS

Word Count: 4.2k

Author Note: Day Twenty One of Whumptober. Prompt I chose: Near Death Experience. Thank you to @ailesswhumptober for the prompt list.

Whumptober Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The love between Jake Seresin and Amilia Fisher was as fierce as love could be. It was no secret to anyone around them that they had a love that burned so deep and so profound that they would forever and always be each other’s end game. Each other's soul mates. For all that they had been through and worked on, new love grew in the form of healed wounds and new trust.

They had, for what it was worth—survived The Great War.

“I can’t keep doing this.” Amilia sighed as she crawled into bed beside her husband with yet another negative pregnancy test. “It’s been twelve months of constant let downs.” She frowned at the stupid plastic first response she knew she shouldn’t buy but kept repurchasing anyway. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t keep doing this to myself Jake.”

Amilia laid her head on Jake's shoulder as he sat up in their bed. The two of them had been trying for one whole year. One whole year of negative pregnancy tests. One whole year old preconception vitamins. One whole year of sperm health tables. One whole year of tips and tricks Amilia’s Flo app had given her. One whole year of prime positions and menstrual cycle tracking and temperature monitoring and diet changes.

One whole year of nothing by failed attempts and broken hearts.

“I know, and hey—I know we’re both on the same page about wanting this.” Jake cooed as he took the negative test from his wife’s hand. “But maybe it just isn’t our time?”

“So do we keep trying or do we go see a fertility specialist and try to figure out what’s going on?” They had been told to try and convince naturally for twelve consecutive months before reaching out to a specialist. That was the recommendation. But with every month that passed them by, Amilia grew more and more frustrated and concerned that something could be wrong.

“I think we keep trying, but do that in tandem with talking to a specialist.” Jake cooed. “I love you, I want this yeah?”

“I want this too—so bad.” Amilia could feel her bottom lip quivering. She wanted to be a mother so badly, she wanted to give Jake the chance to be a dad. He was already the best uncle to Odette and Riley, even if he was halfway across the world three months at a time. “I just don't know if I can't handle another negative test, my body is literally designed to have children and I can't even get a stupid fertilised egg to embed in me.” Jake had to laugh sympathetically as Amilia snuggled into his side with a huff. She was doing her best, he knew that.

“For all we know it could be me who's shooting blanks.” He reminded her. “We’ll talk to someone who can help us alright, but for now, let's just appreciate the time we have together before kiddos and prams and family passes and all the sleepless nights we’ll surely have.”

“I know you're frustrated.” Amilia mumbled into Jake's side. His tan torso was hot to the touch, her walking talking furnace. “You don't have to be the optimistic one all the time.”

“Trust me–” Jake admitted in the low light of their bedroom the two shared in Townsville, Australia. ”I am, but I'm not frustrated with you.” Jake felt like he had to make that clear as clear could be. “I think I'm just frustrated that we’re kinda told that if you have sex you get pregnant and die.” It was an over exaggeration of the poor sex education system, but Jake pretty much nailed it. “And now that we’re trying, it just sucks that it hasn't happened the way I always thought it would.”

“Makes me jealous of Fe for getting pregnant so easily.” Amilia felt awful saying it, but she knew her husband wouldn't spill her horrid thoughts. “Riley was a thought and then she was real in the span of a year and Nicky well, we both know Nicky was a little oopsie baby, our children, if we keep going at this rate will have sixty five year old parents in their teens.”

“How do people do it.'' Jake sighed as he sunk a little lower into the bed and pulled his wife into his chest. “Oopsie babies, I mean–I just don't get it, how do you not know?”

“We’re horrible people aren't we?” Amilia chuckled to herself as she curled into her husband. They were ready for the next big phase in life, but something was holding them back from stepping into parenthood. Some divine intervention that was telling them now wasn't their time. But my god did they both want it just as bad as each other.

“Hmm, maybe.” Jake kissed Amilias shoulder softly as he revelled in the scent of her body wash. “But no one needs to know, and all those people out there getting pregnant the first time round? They’re just overachievers.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Amilias period was four days late. She initially didn't think much of it because she knew when she got stressed it messed with her cycle, but something deep inside her was telling her to take just one more test. Something was telling her that if she took just one more, that it would be the positive she had been praying for.

“If you’re fucking with me man I’m gonna be pissed.” She wasn’t a religious person, but Amilia believed that there was something bigger than herself out there. So as the little stick sat upside down on the counter of her bathroom vanity—she spoke to whatever the hell that bigger idea was. “I’m serious, I can’t take it.”

The timer felt obnoxious, but Amilia jumped as the silence in her bathroom was broken by the set standard alarm her phone rang with. Three entire minutes had passed and she was standing on the edge of a cliff she knew that she’d jump off if that plastic stick was negative. She couldn’t do it anymore, it was torture.

“Alright, fuck it.” She groaned as she reached out to check the pregnancy test. To Amelia's surprise though it wasn’t what she had originally been expecting. “Oh my god—“ It was positive. Her first positive. “No fucking way.” Two very pink very clear very there lines were looking back at Amilia as she cupped a hand over her mouth and crouched down. Her knees felt weak, she had to remind herself to breathe or else she was going to pass out from the pure joy that was pulsing through her veins.

“Holy shit, I’m pregnant!” Amilia had thought about all the different ways she could have told her husband that they were expecting, she even had one of those ‘Hi Daddy’ newborn onesie tucked away somewhere deep in their closet for a rainy day. But as her feet hit the pavement of the Townville Naval base, Amilia made a B-line for the administration building to get herself a visitors pass.

“Your wife’s looking for you.” Gucci told Jake as he caught up with him in one of the hallways. “She’s in G building.”

“Oz is on base?” Jake replied with caution lacing his words.

“I just saw her, she asked if I saw you to send you her way.” Jake wasn’t about to stick around and play twenty one questions with his wingman. He let his feet carry him over to G building where he’d been told his wife was looking for him. Jake's locker was in G building, so was the canteen he frequented and the rec room he liked the most—so it was only natural for Amilia to assume that would be the easiest place to start.

“Oz?” Jake cooed as he rounded a particular corner and saw the back of his wife’s head. “What are you doing here? Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Without question or any explanation, Amilia ran towards her husband with a smile so bright and a laugh so full of joy that it nearly knocked Jake to the ground. She jumped into his unexpecting arms that were quick to catch her as her legs wrapped around his wide but muscular frame.

“Babe!?”

“I’m pregnant!” Two words, it took just two words for Jake Seresins heart to implode in his chest. “We’re pregnant Jake we fucking did it!”

“You’re pregnant?” Jake never thought his heart could get any bigger, but he knew in that very moment his heart grew—it imploded and grew back twice the size it originally was to cater for the little life the two of them had created. “Are—are you sure?”

Amilia Fisher couldn’t be sure until she had a blood test done, but when the ten pregnancy test she took all from different brands came up as fat as fuck positives—she knew they couldn’t be lying. She was pregnant.

“I’m sure, I’m so sure Jake, we’re gonna be parents!”

Jake sat his wife back down on the ground but he never let her go. He kissed her with enough passion and love to have her heart fluttering inside her chest and her lungs burning with desire. His hands cupped her flushed with heat cheeks so she couldn’t pull away—and through the entire embrace, Amilia couldn’t stop smiling against her husband's lips.

“Holy shit we’re pregnant!” Jake let his forehead settle against his wife’s. “Oz, I love you so very much.”

“We’re gonna have a baby Seresin.” Amilia laughed as she ran the pad of her thumb across Jake's cheek. “Us, you and me, with a baby.”

“Half you half me huh.” Jaked cooed, he was over the moon. Amilia widened her eyes in response before she laughed, they were having the baby they had dreamed of having.

“Oh god what a combo—“

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“You’ll need to make an appointment with an OBGYN for an ultrasound at around six to eight weeks.” With a single blood test, the pregnancy that Jake and Amilia had been waiting for had been officially confirmed. “But congratulations, you are very much pregnant, Mrs Seresin.”

“You hear that Oz?” Jake cooed as he squeezed Amilias hand in the doctor's office. “Very pregnant.”

The two were keeping everything on the downlow, Amilia, albeit very excited and full of joy to finally experience her biggest wish—wanted to wait till she was out of the first trimester until her and Jake started telling the people closer to them. However, that didn’t stop Jake from telling you, his closest friend, his sister, his person.

“Amilias pregnant!?” You shouted down the phone. “Oh my god congratulations! How far along is she?”

“Uh—we just left the doctors office like five minutes ago, four weeks?” Jake looked over to where his wife sat in the passenger's seat, beaming at your reaction over the loudspeaker. “She’s here with me.”

“Oz! You’re pregnant oh my god!” You wanted to cry, Jake was going to be an amazing dad and Amilia was going to be the best mum. That kid was already so loved at conception. “I’m so happy for the two of you, I’m gonna have to tell Rooster you know that right?”

“I never thought this day would actually come but yeah, we’re pregnant.” Amilia reached out for her husband's hand before he brought it up to his lips. “And yeah, that’s fine, but don’t tell the cowboy alright I wanna tell Rhett myself.”

“So he can tell you that you’re an idiot?” You laughed as you sat in the livingroom at midnight, feeding little Nicky. Bradley was on a mission which left you outnumbered three to one.

“Yeah, but I know he cares.” Amilia and Rhett Abbott were quite close for two people who pretended like they couldn’t stand one another.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

The happiness didn’t last for very long. Seven weeks into Amilias first and what would ultimately be last, something went wrong. The kitchen was buzzing with music as she chopped up a quick garden salad to go with dinner, sausages Jake was cooking on the barbecue. She hadn’t changed out of her pyjamas all day, and had barely gotten out of bed. But as six o’clock rolled around on Saturday afternoon, Amilia felt a little more like herself and hoisted herself up.

“Almost finished with these bad boys.” Jake called out over his shoulder through the window that led back into the kitchen, he could see his wife, the love of his life in the corner of his eye. “How’s that salad looking?”

“Diced and chopped daddio—“ Amilia teased as she flicked the rest of the cherry tomatoes off the chopping board into the bowl. “I’ve just gotta add the—“ Oh, that didn’t feel good.

“Add the what babe?” Jake thought he just didn’t hear what Amilia had said, he thought he had just missed the tail end of her sentence, but she’d stopped mid sentence at the feeling of her lower abdomen cramping, like a bad period pain. “Oz?” Jake frowned as he cut the gas and took the sausages off the hot plate.

“The cheese.” Amilia clenched her jaw as she tried to breathe through the pain, it only got worse with every breath she took. “I just have to add the—Ahh!” It felt like someone had stabbed a hot knife into her and had begun to drag the aerated edge across her body. “Ahh—“

“Amilia!” Jake had all but forgotten the tray of sausages he was carrying in when he saw his wife on the floor in a heap, curling into herself to try and stop the pain. “Hey, what’s wrong, hey—?”

Breathe, in out, in out. She was fine.

“Babe I can’t help if you don’t te—“ The blood told Jake all he needed to know before Amilia could even begin to get her words out. “Oh god—no.”

“Jake—“ Her husband's name was the only thing Amilia could will herself to speak as she saw the blood between her legs, seeping into her pyjama pants. The same pyjama pants she’d been in all day because she just hadn’t felt well. “I’m fine, we’re okay, we’re fine, we’re, aaahh—!”

Everyone needs just one person in their lives who say things like ‘You got this’ ‘I believe in you’ and ‘You will find courage and energy in yourself that you normally wouldn’t have had before.’

But more importantly, that person needs to also say the things that no one wants to hear. And if things were to go wrong? They would be there in the mud for whatever reason.

Jake was that person for Amilia Fisher-Seresin. He had the ability to say something’s wrong when she couldn’t bring herself to believe it.

“Honey, I think we need to get you up to the hospital.” He had the ability to worry, to care and understand that something was horribly wrong and that there shouldn’t be this much blood or this much pain when it came to implantation bleeding and spotting. Amilia was having what Jake could only assume to be a miscarriage and all he could do in that moment was put his own feelings of grief and sorrow aside to help the only woman he’d ever truly loved. “It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

“No no no no no—“ Amilia cried as she bawled her fists into the cotton of Jake's t-shirt before her tears strained the white fabric. He could smell the iron in the air. “Jake—“ She sobbed. “Our baby, somethings wrong.”

“Let me take you to the emergency room sweetheart.” Jake had to hold his own tears back, this wasn’t what he pictured would happen when Amilia had told them they were gonna have a baby together. “Please? I have to make sure you’re alright baby, your bleeding and—“ Jake knew he had to say it. “You are what’s important right now, you and your health baby because I can lose that baby, I can deal with that grief but I can’t lose you both alright.” Jake felt his wife’s heart shattering as she screamed into his embrace right there on the kitchen floor. “I can’t lose you both alright so I need you to let me get you some help.”

Jake thought he was a pretty tough guy, but as his wife cried in his arms bleeding as she lost their baby on the kitchen floor, he knew he wasn’t strong enough to handle this without a support system. He needed you. He needed your strength and resistance and your determination and strength to get through this. He needed you to hold him up because his knees felt weak but he had to get up. He needed to be there for his wife through everything.

“I’m sorry—“ Amilia sobbed as Jake carried her out to the car koala style. He was going to be covered in blood but that didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered besides getting Amilia the care she needed. “I’m so sorry.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong sweetheart.” Jake cooed. “Not a damn thing.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

“We had to give her a sedative in order to examine your wife, Mr. Seresin.” Time was a fickle thing, it was neither here nor there. “She’s asleep, but for what’s it worth she’s incredibly lucky to be alive right now.” Jake could feel his phone ringing in his back pocket—you had been calling non-stop for updates ever since Amilia was taken back for an ultrasound to confirm what everyone already believed to be a miscarriage.

But he’d never remember just how he ended up standing outside his wife’s hospital room in oncology just four hours after he’d brought her into the emergency room. Jake hadn’t even had a chance to change his shirt.

“It’s critical—if we don’t get in there and operate soon, it’s hard to tell how much time she’ll actually have.” The Doctor didn’t sound like he was making any sense, Jake couldn’t process anything he was telling him. This didn’t make sense, none of it did.

“Ovarian cancer?” Jake tried to wrap his head around how his wife, how Amilia, could have ovarian cancer. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s aggressive, from the scans alone I’d say critical.” Again, nothing Doctor Thomas was saying made any sense to Jake. “Mr. Seresin, has your wife ever experienced any pain during intercourse? Painful cramps outside her normal period or—“

“Not that I’m aware of, no.” Jake knew Amilia like the back of his own hand, so the news of her diagnosis on the back of losing their child was far too much for him to handle. “What does she need? Treatment wise?”

“I can't say for certain without exploring her reproductive system more closely but if the ovaries are too far gone, we’re recommending a full hysterectomy.” Jake's brain was trying its best to compute all the little bits of information being given to him as he watched Amilia sleep. She looked as peaceful as she could be. “If the cancer is as aggressive as we believe it to be, if we leave behind any viable tissue it could spread–the miscarriage was a direct result of the tumours constricting her reproductive organs, it's a miracle she was able to convince to begin with.”

“We’d been trying for a year–” Jake explained softly, his entire world was crashing around him. All that he knew, all that he hoped for in the future was crumbling. “We had an appointment with a fertility specialist the month she fell pregnant, we never ended up going because we ended up pregnant.”

“I'm very sorry for your loss–” Doctor Thomas sympathised as he placed his hand on Jake's shoulder. The mullet kinda took away from the seriousness of his tone. “But I truly believe the miscarriage your wife suffered saved her life.” It was a take Jake never thought he’d have on such a horrid situation. “It would have killed her, she’s a very lucky woman, the blood she lost wasn't just from the miscarriage but from one of the worst ovarian torsions I’ve ever seen.”

There was so much blood, far too much blood for Jake to ever forget. He grew up on a farm, his uncle owned an abitur, he knew that humans held a lot of blood but when you physically see that much blood coming from someone you love it's hard to comprehend the magnitude of the destruction until after the fact.

“Your wife is scheduled for surgery earlier tomorrow morning, it's after visiting hours but given the circumstances i've already organised for a cot to be bright up so you can stay with her.”

“If you can't save her life without the hysterectomy, I want you to do it.” Jake nodded as he let a few stray tears fall down his cheeks. “Yeah–yeah if it's all or nothing just do it.” He pressed his lips into a fine line to try and stop his bottom lip from quivering. “But if there's even a slither of hope that you don't have to, please–just try and give her a chance, she wants to be a mum so bad.”

“I understand Mr. Seresin.” Doctor Thomas replied. “This isn't my first rodeo.”

“Unlucky for you.” Jake tried to chuckle as he crossed his arms over his chest. “It's mine.”

“Everyone I ever meet for these types of cases is their first, and if I can offer one piece of advice I’d say that there are other ways to be parents, adoption, foster care.” Doctor Thomas knew by the gaze in Jake's eyes that he was mentally checking out of the conversation. “Go be with your wife, i'll be by in the morning for post ops.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***

By the time Amilia was coming to in her groggy and drugged out state, Jake had already had a good cry in the dark. The hospital room was dimly lit, Jake didn't want his wife to wake up to the harsh fluorescent lights. Hell he didn't want her to wake up in general. He wanted her to stay sleeping peacefully forever, blissfully unaware of the horrors that awaited her when she woke.

“Hey there Oz.” Jake cooed as he brushed Amilias hair from her face. “I've got you baby, I'm here.” It felt like time had stood still since she first screamed out in pain in the kitchen. Jake knew when he got home that ants would be everywhere from the sausages that had fallen from the tray he carried in and the salad you never put away. “Shhh i've got you Amilia, I’m here.”

“I lost our baby.” Amilia hadn’t even opened her eyes properly and she was already incredibly aware of the heaviness in her chest. The grief she felt inside her soul. “Jake–I lost our baby.”

“It's not your fault sweetheart.” Jake sat as close as he possibly could to his wife's bedside. “We lost our baby, I know, I know and it hurts, it hurts so much but Amilia, it's not so simple.” Jake had been dreading having this conversation, he didn't know how to tell his wife she was going in for surgery. That she was sick, that she had ovarian cancer and that they may have to perform a full hysterectomy just to save her life. “The doctors figured out why it took us so long to conceive.”

“It's me, isn't it.” It broke Jake's heart to nod, but that didn't mean he thought his wife was broken. “What's wrong with me?”

“You uh–” Jake couldn't stop himself from sobbing as he stood to climb into the hospital bed to hold his wife. “You're okay, that's the main thing okay, and you're gonna be fine once the surgery is over and I'm gonna be by your side through everything.”

“I just lost our baby, I don't think I'll ever be alright again.”

“You didn't lose our baby sweetheart, you have ovarian cancer–that's what caused the miscarriage, that's what, that's what stopped us from conceiving earlier.” Jake explained as simply and as slowly as possible as he held Amilia close to him and kissed her forehead. “Losing our baby saved your life.”

“Jake, I don't have cancer.” Amilia scoffed as she shrugged him off. “Why would you even say that right now?” Jake was caught between a rock and a hard place, he didn't know what to do or what to say. “What are you even talking about right now?” That's when it hit, Jake physically saw the moment Amilia was able to process what he had said. “Oh–” Her shoulders slumped as she settled back into him. “Oh no, no no no no I can't, I can't, I don't–”

“Shhh.” Jake cooed as he wrapped his wife back into his arms. “I'm here, I've got you, you're okay.” For everything the two had been through this was certainly about to be their biggest battle, but Jake Seresin was adamant that he would be there every step of the way. “Our baby saved your life, and I'll never be able to thank them enough.”

“How bad is it?” Amilia sobbed into Jake's chest. “The cancer? And be honest Jake, please dont lie to me.”

“It's bad enough.” Jake sobbed as he held Amilia closer than he ever had before. “I'm just grateful you're alive.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Whumptober Tags 🏷️ @xoxabs88xox @oldermenaremyreligion @slut-f0r-u @emma-is-cool @armydrcamers @topguncortez @topgun-imagines @kmc1989 @els-marvelvsp @blindedbythelightt

#ailesswhumptober2023 #terms of endearment// bradley bradshaw #terms of endearment // jake seresin #jake seresin x female oc #jake seresin whump #tw: miscarriage #tw: ovarian cancer

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niqhtlord01 · 4 months

Text

Humans are weird: Realm of the One Eyed King

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

Philthrax grimaced as the carriage hit yet another hole in the road and he lost his place in the novel he was reading. He knocked on the carriage wall behind him that separated him from the driver.

“For every bump you make me endure from now on I shall have a guard beat you.” He spoke loud enough for the driver to hear. He didn’t hear the driver’s response and in truth did not care what they would have said anyway. He had spoken and that was the law.

Frankly even the notion of the beating would give him little joy as this entire trip had been pointless to Philthrax. Yet the king had asked him to investigate why the outlying villages had ceased paying their taxes. He’d have sent one of his underlings to handle such a mundane task had it not been a direct request so here he was riding out to the middle of nowhere.

An hour passed with no further bumps when the driver knocked on the roof of the carriage.

“We’ve reach Wixten, my lord.”

Philthrax said nothing in reply and closed his book. He took a look at himself and straightened his clothes before reaching for the tax collection records for Wixten. Flipping through the pages rapidly he was able to memorize all of the information regarding the small hamlet and returned the documents to their storage just as the carriage came to a stop.

The door slowly opened and Philthrax saw the guards lining up to either side of the door.

Unfurling himself from the ornate seating Philthrax stepped out of the carriage and deployed his umbrella. At this time of day the two suns would be at their peak and the light would be overwhelming to his eyes. A point of pride amongst the nobility ironically as it showed that he could remain indoors longer and still maintain his wealth without needing to work outside like a peasant.

As he looked around he saw that he and his retinue were on the main street of the town. To either side were the kneeling residents of the town as knelt in front of shops, gathering places, and a few homes; but Philthrax noticed something odd at the opposite end of the street. In place of what should have been the statue of the king stood a tall metallic structure the tax collector was not familiar with. It towered over the other buildings of the town and at the top stood a metal bowl with rod pointing outwards.

“You there,” Philthrax pointed to a random town folk, “what is that?”

The peasant looked up from the ground at the tower, then back the tax collector. “That is the transmitter my lord.”

“Transmitter?” Philthrax repeated. The word was unknown to him and sounded somehow wrong against his tongues; and he was well versed on every language this side of the continent.

“Yes,” the peasant continued, “our king gave it to us and told us to activate it should we ever need his aide.”

The mention of the king gave Philthrax pause. He had not been informed of any new construction projects, nor would one of such scale be placed in an isolated backwater like this. He pondered this until something odd about the peasant drew his attention.

“What are those things upon your eyes?”

Standing up the peasant put his hand on the blocky object covering his eyes.

“The king provided these for us town people so we can work in the sun without its harmful light. He called them “Goggles”.”

“The king was here?”

When the peasant nodded Philthrax motioned to the guards who went over and grabbed them by the arms. The rest of the town’s people gasped at this, looking to each other, but did nothing else as Philthrax approached the peasant.

“What is your name?”

“Temerania, my lord.”

“Well Temerania,” Philthrax spoke calmly as he stepped to just in front of them, “is there a reason you would lie to me?”

Before Temerania could respond Philthrax swung his umbrella across their face with a heavy blow. A deep gash opened on their cheek and purple blood began leaking from it as they cried from the pain.

“The king was setting off for the Dem region when I left the capital,” Philthrax began, “which to your idle little mind is in the opposite direction by thirty leagues; so there is no way he could have arrived before me.”

He leaned down closer and grabbed Temerania’s face. “Now tell me, who gave your these objects and who built that tower?”

Normally he could see the fear in the eyes of those he questioned by the blocky “goggles” hid them from Philthrax behind a blank visor that reflected his own image.

“I swear to you,” Temerania pleaded, “it was a gift from the king. The one eyed king gave them to us all!”

“The one eyed king?”

The title made Philthrax and his guards laugh at the stupidity of it. “Your king does not have one eye,” Philthrax countered, “and he is very much displeased with your lack of taxes.”

“Wait.”

Philthrax turned to see another peasant who had been kneeling raise their head. “So you are not from the metal mountain?”

“Metal mountain?” Philthrax repeated snidely. “Has everyone in this shithole lost their mind?”

Several of the towns folk looked amongst themselves before one of them nodded and began running for the metal tower.

“Seize them!” Philthrax shouted and a pair of his guard ran after them while the rest of the town’s people scattered indoors.

The guards had nearly grabbed them when they reached the base of the tower and flicked a large red flap of metal. In a flash strange lights along the tower appeared and a booming wail emitted from it like the song of banshees. Philthrax dropped his umbrella to cover his ears as the wailing grew in volume.

One of the guards grabbed the town’s folk who had activated the wailing tower while the other flipped the metal flap back and the wailing ceased. Yet when the wailing stopped Philthrax heard a new sound. Like the roar of a great wave as it approached the shore it grew in volume as the guards and Philthrax looked around in preparation.

Philthrax squinted his eyes as he looked to the sky and saw several dark trails of smoke rapidly approaching the town. No sooner had he blinked his eyes did the trails of smoke hit the town street by the metal tower and knock the tax collector and his guards from their feet.

When he opened his eyes the town was draped in a thick dust cloud. He coughed and swept his hands in front of him to clear away the dust when a booming voice drew his attention.

“UNDER ARTICLE 17 OF THE STARWAY PACT, THIS LOCATION AND ALL WHO RESIDE HERE ARE UNDER THE PROTECTION OF THE TERRAN COALITION. ALL ACTS OF HOSTIILITY WILL CEASE IMMEDIATELY, OR LETHAL FORCE WILL BE AUTHORIZED.”

Never before had Philthrax heard such a powerful voice and he turned his head to follow it, only for tilt it upwards at the large figure now emerging from the dust cloud.

Towering over the surroundings stood a giant clad in metal. Strange markings and symbols dotted the surface of the giant. Gauntlets capable of swallowing Philthrax’s head held a strange metal staff,while a single red glared at him.

Hearing further marching feet, the tax collector saw smaller versions of the metal giant emerge from the smoke alongside their giant and stand at attention. They held metal staffs just as their giant companion but had no eyes or faces that the collector could see.

His guards were transfixed with fear from the metal beings but Philthrax would not be kowtowed. Rising to his feet he swept the dust from his clothes and fixed the giant with his most authoritative stare.

“I am Philthrax, chancellor of finances for the kingdom of Hei, and this town and its people belong to us!”

“NEGATIVE.” The giant replied coldly. “UNDER ARTICLE 39 OF THE STARWAY PACT, HAVING PROVIDED TERRAN COALITION FORCES SUPPORT THEY HAVE BEEN GRANTED PRELIMINARY CITIZENSHIP. AS SUCH THEIR HOMES, BUSINESSES, AND ALL OTHER FACILITIES AND LANDS UNDER THEIR OWNERSHIP NOW ARE PART OF THE TERRAN COALITION.”

“Support? What support!?”

Philthrax rounded on the towns folk but saw that they all had hid within their homes leaving only his guards in the street with the metal men.

“How dare you turn traitor to your king!” he yelled into the buildings. “You shall all hang for this treachery!”

“NEGATIVE.” The giant spoke again. This time it and its smaller kin raised their staffs and pointed them at Philthrax and his guards. “REPEAT. UNDER ARTICLE 17 OF THE STARWAY PACT, THIS LOCATION AND ALL WHO RESIDE HERE ARE UNDER THE PROTECTION OF THE TERRAN COALITION. ALL ACTS OF HOSTIILITY WILL CEASE IMMEDIATELY, OR LETHAL FORCE WILL BE AUTHORIZED.”

“I do not know of this pact of which you speak, nor does the Kingdom of Hei recognize such treaties!” Philthrax countered. He motioned to his guards. “Draw your weapons and drive these creatures back-“

“HOSTILITY DETECTED; NEUTRALIZING.”

The last sound Philthrax heard was the roar of twenty assault guns and one hammer cannon firing at the same time before his world went black. -------------------------------------

Report 3-71-8395 Automatous Commander 3X-Z Acting Commander of Heaven’s Bounty until rescue.

- Hostile forces encountered at the settlement of Wixten. - Citizens activated distress transmitter requesting aide. - 3X-Z and twenty CG9 assault forms deployed to town and neutralized threat. - Hostiles identified by locals as associates of neighboring hostile power. - Calculation of further hostile actions set at 87% following termination of hostiles. - Deployment of CG9 assault forms to surrounding settlements deemed necessary for continued security. - Organic compounds obtained by grateful citizens of Wixten. This unit recommends upgrading citizens from preliminary status to full citizens if support continues. - Repairs to Heaven’s Bounty progressing. Organic compounds allow reactors to maintain power supply for vessel.

- Long range communications are still offline. Damage from fleet engagement and crash landing sits at 63% of vessel. - Industrial printers still online, though usable materials are limited. - Mining machines have been fabricated and have begun harvesting of metal ores for forging. - Recent hostile actions will halt further mining machine fabrication as additional CG9 units are needed for security. - Once situation has been stabilized reconstruction of the long range transmitter will continue. - End Report

#humans are insane #humans are weird #humans are space oddities #humans are space orcs #scifi #story #writing #original writing #niqhtlord01

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nicoline1998enilocin · 5 months

Text

Fluffcember Day 12 | All the reasons why I love you

Pairing | Husband!Chris Evans x Wife!Fem!Reader

Word count | 2K

Summary | Today is your wedding day, and Chris recalls some of his most fond memories of you, his wife. From the moment you first met to the moment he first heard your laugh, not a single moment is forgotten by him. It is at that moment that you realize how much he paid attention to all the little things, and why you have fallen for him in the first place all those years ago.

Rating | General (G)

Warning(s) | RPF, Established relationship ~ Husband & Wife, use of nickname ~ Beautiful

A/n | This one-shot is written for day 12 of my Fluffcember 2023 Challenge! I want to dedicate this to @cevansbaby-dove, I truly hope this will make your day just a little brighter in the tough time you're going through right now. I want to give a massive thank you to @ccbsrmsf1 for proofreading this one, it is truly appreciated 🎄

Events Masterlist | ''That's the first time I ever heard you laugh | @buckys-wintersoldier Masterlist | Love at first sight | @ultimatechrisbingo

Banners: @vase-of-lilies | Divider: @firefly-graphics | GIF: Owner

Main Masterlist | Chris Evans Masterlist | Read on AO3

You're seated at the big table, ready for dinner, when your brand new husband, Chris, looks at you and gives you a reassuring smile before standing up and reaching for a microphone.

''Can I have everyone's attention, please? Because I would like to take this moment to tell all of you something about my beautiful partner in crime and wife, Y/N Evans-Y/L/N,'' Chris starts as he looks back at you, now standing in the middle of the dance floor.

His light blue suit compliments his eyes beautifully and matches the decor around the wedding venue, tying the whole outfit together. His beard and hair are styled in his usual way, making him look handsome, and you feel like you have found heaven on earth in this man.

Your husband. The more you think about it, the harder it is to believe, but it's true. You married your best friend, the love of your life, your partner through thick and thin.

''I'd like to start by telling you all how I met the most beautiful lady I have ever met, and who turned my world upside down from the moment she came into my life nearly 15 years ago.''

You just finished your work for the day, and now you're walking home from the school where you teach. Having a job only 10 minutes from your home is perfect, and being an elementary school teacher has always been one of your biggest dreams.

But today, you decide to stop in the bookstore on your way home as if something was pulling you into that building. The door swings open, a familiar warmth engulfs you, and you feel instantly at home.

You have spent many rainy days here and are good friends with the owners.

''Y/N! What a surprise to see you here; how is everything going?'' May asks; she's one of the two owners with her husband, Jason.

''It's good to see you again, May. I'm so sorry I haven't been here lately, but it's hectic at work now that we're nearing the end of the school year again. But I decided to revisit two of my favorite people; I have missed you both a lot,'' you tell her, and May nods in understanding.

''You're always welcome here, Y/N. We got a few books over the last few weeks that might be right up your alley. I stored them in the back until you would visit again,'' she says before walking off and getting said books.

Meanwhile, you're on your way to browse your favorite store section: True Crime. Something about this topic never ceases to amaze you, and you have spent many hours browsing the section.

Your eyes glide over the books until you spot one that immediately piques your interest. It's a little too high for you, but you try to reach for it anyway, but to no avail. You can't reach it even when you're standing on your tiptoes and let out a frustrated sigh.

''Can I help you with that?'' a deep voice on your right asks you, and when you turn your head, you look right into the eyes of the most handsome man you have ever seen. You stare at him for a few seconds until it dawns that he asked you a question, and your cheeks turn bright red in embarrassment.

''Oh! I'm so sorry! Uhm... Yes, please, can you hand me that one?'' you tell him as you point towards a book about Jeffrey Dahmer. The man reaches for it and grabs it off the shelf effortlessly, handing it to you with a charming smile.

''Here you go, Beautiful,'' he tells you, and you take the book from his hands with a shy smile and a chuckle leaving your chest.

''Thank you, uhm-'' ''Chris!'' ''Well, thank you, Chris,'' you tell him, and just as you're about to turn around and see if May is back, he stops you.

''I hope I'm not too forward here, but you're beautiful, and I was hoping we could get some coffee sometime if you're up for it,'' he tells you, and you happily agree.

A few days later, you're having coffee with the man you fell for in the bookstore, and you've never believed in love at first sight until you met Chris. He felt the same way and told you exactly that a few dates later. You two have never looked back and been together ever since that moment.

''I still remember that day like it was yesterday. That was the first time I ever heard you laugh. It has become one of my favorite things to hear, and I know I will never get tired of hearing it. It makes me feel like I'm home because you're nearby. And you're my home,'' he tells you before blowing a kiss your way.

''One of my favorite moments we have experienced together has to be the moment she met Dodger for the first time,'' Chris starts as he paces over the dance floor, his arms moving to emphasize his point.

Are you ready to meet him, Beautiful?'' Chris asks as you're sitting on his living room couch. You've always loved dogs, and ever since Chris told you about his furry friend, you couldn't wait to meet him.

He has told you about how he rescued him after filming in a shelter, and it warms your heart each time. You're getting a little impatient to see him now.

''Been ready for ages!'' you tell him with a chuckle, and that's when you hear it: his excited taps on the floor as he runs to the new person in his house, curious as ever.

''Who's that, Buddy? Say hi to her; she won't bite you!'' Chris tells him enthusiastically. Dodger can't contain his excitement, and he jumps on the couch where you're sitting, greeting you excitedly as Chris looks at the two of you.

''See? I told you he would like you,'' Chris tells you, and deep inside, you knew he would because he's the absolute best dog in the world. And to have Chris as his owner makes him the luckiest dog in the universe.

''Aren't you an excited little boy? Yeah, you are! God and you're so cute too, just like your Daddy,'' you say, and you look at Chris from the corner of your eye, seeing him turn bright red at your compliment.

''You two are way cuter together, though,'' he tells you, making you smile. From that moment on, wherever you went, Dodger went with you. He would be by your side anywhere inside the house; if you went outside, he would always want to accompany you.

That year, naturally, you had to take a photo of yourself, Chris, and Dodger in front of the Christmas tree, which is still your favorite photo of the three of you. Your own little family was enjoying their first Christmas together.

''I wouldn't want it any other way,'' you tell Chris when he's done telling the story, and once again, he blows a kiss your way. He's head over heels in love with you, and so are you with him. You can never get enough of him telling stories.

''The fondest memory I have of her, however, will have to be the moment I proposed to her while we were on vacation in Mexico,'' Chris tells everyone in the room, and a big smile adorns his face.

You and Chris have been together for a little over 13 years now, and even though you have discussed the idea of marriage a few times, it only became concrete now.

A few weeks before your departure on your yearly vacation with Chris, he started his search for the perfect engagement ring. He has visited several shops but eventually found the perfect one for you.

Now, all that's left is to pop the question.

You two just had dinner in an authentic Mexican restaurant and had some fantastic food, and now Chris is offering to take you on a walk on the beach. What you did not know, however, is that Chris's mom, Lisa, has prepared the place of the proposal for both of you.

''God, that food was amazing! I'm glad you chose that restaurant, Beautiful,'' Chris tells you as his fingers are interlaced with yours. The restaurant you initially wanted to visit was closed due to a personal emergency, so you decided to hit up an authentic Mexican restaurant nearby.

''I don't know what the other place would have been like, but I'm so glad we decided to go here because I would eat here again if I ever have the chance!'' you tell him, and Chris can't help but smile.

All he can think about is how that might be your go-to restaurant every time you come back to visit to relive your memories of the day he proposed to you.

He turns to you and admires how your dress flows in the wind, making you look nothing short of angelic. After you have walked for about 20 minutes, you spot the proposal site, and your head shoots over to Chris.

Is this happening?! You ask yourself, and you soon find out that it is happening. Right here, right now.

''Y/N, I'm not sure how I would have gotten where I am today without your encouragement and joy, without listening to your singing and watching you dance when you think no one is watching,'' he starts.

''I enjoy dreaming with you because you understand me like no one else could. I enjoy being sick now that you're there to care for me. You inspire me to get out of bed each morning, no matter how difficult the day ahead may be, and you make me want to accomplish the impossible,'' he tells you, and you're trying your hardest to conserve your make-up as the tears are escaping.

''We both want to live a colorful, memorable life, and we can make our wildest dreams come true if we work together on them. And that's why I want- no, need you for the rest of my life,'' he finishes his speech.

He grabs the ring out of his pocket, clutching the little box tightly before going down on one knee, and you put your hands over your mouth to stifle the sniffles coming out.

When he's down on his knee, he opens the small velvet box, revealing the engagement ring he picked out for you, and he asks the question you've been dying to hear ever since you realized he's about to propose.

''Y/N Y/L/N, will you make me the happiest man on earth and become my wife?''

''Oh my god, YES!'' you exclaim, and Chris takes the ring out of the box and gets up before grabbing your face gently, sealing your moment with a tender, sweet kiss.

''I love you so much, Chris, and I can't wait to marry you,'' you tell him, and from that moment on, you're going through life as the future Mrs. Evans.

''And now, here we are all gathered on our wedding day. Honestly, I couldn't have done this without you, Beautiful. You're the reason I am where I am today, and to have you by my side to witness it all is the cherry on top of the wedding cake!'' he says, and you have to wipe some tears away.

Your road may have been challenging, but you wouldn't change it for anything. If your relationship with Chris has proven anything, you can go through anything as long as you have him by your side and want to prove that to him every single day of your lives together.

When he's about to let everyone know they can start their dinner, you get up from your chair and jog over to him with the front of your wedding dress raised so you don't slip and fling yourself around his neck when you arrive.

''I love you, Chris, and thank you for that. Now you have made this day truly unforgettable,'' you tell him, his arms wrapped around you to pull you close to him.

''I love you too, Beautiful, and I will show you just how much every single day of the rest of our lives.''

And with that, your promises to each other are sealed with one more kiss. Your lips move as if they are made for one another, fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle. You have found heaven on earth in your husband, and you're officially the happiest woman in the universe.

#fluffcember 2023 #rpf #chris evans #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans one shot #chris evans fluff

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blueseachelle · 1 year

Note

X reader request for some vax smut. So you know like how he can’t get the vestige off? Well that shouldn’t stop the reader from getting him off now should it? I was thinking maybe some hard grinding and getting him off through his new armor, and him putting that newfound uh…speed to good use.

I love this. So, I’m gonna totally make this in the woods. I don’t know a lot about the armor, Ya know, details….. Like a place to take out his-…..So anyway, please enjoy! I hope this satisfies you. If not, I’m always up for a rewrite. Not afraid to be told I didn’t fulfill your wishes. Please, let me know! Enjoy!

My Knight Trapped In Armor

Critical Role Vox Machina

Vax x Fem! Reader

Minors Do Not Interact

You have been with the group since the beginning for this long journey. Currently, collecting all the relics is your main mission. You’ve have gotten ahold of the first of the vestige and Vax had the honor of putting it on…. He was happy about it until he figured out that it will never come off.

You have been with Vax for a long while. You, Vax, and Vex were practically raised together. Ever since they ran from home you have always been there. You saved them from there first big fight. You haven’t strayed since that. You have always been there and helped them recruit the now known Vox Machina.

Vax has always had a crush on you, just didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had. Vex sees you as a little sister, Vax didn’t want to make it weird. He didn’t take the leap of faith until after the falling out at Whitestone to tell you how he felt, of course, with the encouragement of his sister. You returned the feelings and been with him ever since. So, onto the story.

The crew decided to make camp for the night. They found a nice clearing right before night fall so, everything was set up and ready to go before dusk. Everyone sat around the camp fire having normal conversation. Vax sat close to you. His new armor poking you every now and then but, you ignore it because you like the contact with him. Of course, you knew he could never take this off because his deal with the Raven Queen. You don’t even think that he knows how much he can… take of without something happening or being *gulps* cut of. Magic armor is dangerous.

In the middle of a small exchange with Scanlan, you felt Vax’s hand rest on your thigh. You gave him a side eye and he responded with a slight motion with his head. He wanted to go for a walk before it was too dark. You knew his queues by now. So, being the cunning girl you are, you got Grog into the conversation which accidentally (on purpose) made an argument between them about something dumb that somehow everyone else ended up in. As soon as the heat was off of you, Vax took your hand and walked of in the direction he suggested with his head.

You walked for a good 10 minutes before Vax finally stopped in his tracks.

“There. I think we are far enough, Darling.”

He turned to face you finally. He leaned down and gave you a kiss. You just giggled and kissed back,

“I think I know why you brought us out here. It’s been a little while, huh?”

He pulled away slight to lock eyes with you. You could see the lust and love for you run through his head.

“Of course it has. Everything is been chaotic as hell and you have been so badass recently. Finally, I can deal with this pent up heat you cause me. Darling, I would love to have you if you’d let me.”

He brought your hand to his face and kisses it. You giggled once again.

“Of course, My Love. I would love to have you.”

Vax gave you a toothy grin. He pulled you a little farther to the nearest tree and took a seat against it you. You took the queue and sat in his lap. You kissed him. Your hands locking themselves in his dark hair. He kisses back and set his hands on your hips. The kiss continued to deepen. He snaked his tongue into your mouth.

One of his hands reached up and made it’s way into your hair. The kiss finally parted. He used the interlocked hand in your hair to pull your head slightly back. He leaned forward and bit onto your neck. He proceeded to bit and suck on the supple skin. You let out a small moan. You felt the smirk against your neck as he continued down.

When he got to you collarbone, he released your hair. In return, you gripped his and pulled slightly. He growled out,

“Hey, are you gonna be nice or do I have to get mean?”

You gulped,

“N-no, Vax, Sir.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He reached down and grabbed at the hem of you shirt. Your armor has be taken off since the campsite. You knew it would be safe there so, you’ve been without it. You pulled up you shirt over your head and set it on the ground next to you. Your chest was now in full display to him. (With the armor your wear, it naturally cups your breast so, no need for a bra.)

“What a good fucking girl.”

You just let out a small squeak at the statement. The squeak turned into a moan as Vax took a nipple into his mouth. With the help of one of his hands, he played with your breast, switching between them. He nipped, sucked, and pinched at your nipples. All you could do is grip his hair and push your chest into his mouth. You, caught up in the pleasure, subconsciously started grind onto him. He could feel the friction through his armor. He kept his lips around one of your nipples as his hands left to join on your hips.

He pulled you down onto him. The pleasure increased for both of you. He could feel you through his armor, every little movement and pulse your pussy did. The friction of the engravings on the armor hit every friction need that you usually would have. Vax’s lips came off your nipple with a wet pop. Your nipples were now red and starting to swell slightly from the abuse that endured.

Vax removed his hands to reach down to his pants, he felt for and opening, anything that he could use get his cock out. He could only sit there for a second and watch his beautiful girlfriend drunkenly grind on him. Screw it, he wasn’t about to stop her to look for a opening. He’ll look for next time. Right now, he is going to get the both of you off. He grabbed you by the hips and started to grind up into her.

You closed you eyes in pleasure and arched you back. Your gripped his hair tighter and let out a moan of his name. He grunted in response and speed up. He could feel it. She’s getting close, well, he was too. He leaned up and kissed her desperately. You moaned into the kiss and turned it into a sloppy wet kiss. He felt like he needed to step the grinding. He moved a hand to caress the back of her head as he leaned forward to lay her on the grass. The kiss continued as he grinned harder and faster into her. The Vestige he wore increased his speed significantly.

You let out a loud moan of his name. He swallowed the moan. You broke the kiss reluctantly. Vax moved instantly to bite your neck. The coil in your stomach tightened,

“V-vax. I’m close. So so close.”

She desperately clawed at his back, which, of course, was armored. He growled. You knew that he was too. You arched your back off the ground. He quickly moved his arms under you. He quickly attached to one of your swollen nipples. That was all you needed.

“V-Vax-“

You didn’t even finish your statement because the tightened coil snapped. Vax felt how you froze and the pulsation against the armor. He ground down a couple more time before finishing himself, in his armor. And you, your panties and shorts you wore. You both caught your breath as you held each other.

“I love you so much, Baby.”

“I love you so much, My Love.”

After a couple minutes, Vax sat up first and grabbed your shirt. You thanked him and put it on.

“At least it’s dark, no one is gonna see my shorts. I’ll clean them tomorrow when the sun is up again.”

Vax chuckled and helped his Beloved up off the now wet ground,

“Yeah, but, the next question is, I can’t take this off… How the hell are we gonna clean my pants?”

You just giggled,

“We’ll figure it out, My Knight Trapped In Armor.”

Vax just grinned and kissed up before walking back in the direction of camp. You used your abilities to illuminate the surrounding area since the sun already set. You loved this man to death. You know that you would figure out something to make this easier for the both of you to get used to but…. what just happened… Wasn’t half bad.

I hope you have enjoyed this read! If you have anymore requests, I have an request post available. With that, see ya next post!

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samlee2224 · 22 days

Note

Can we hear about your milgram oc 🥺🥺

( no pressure ofc )

I have 12 Milgram OCs! But now there are only 8 ( or 9 ? ) people who have stories. I'll introduce them to you!!↓

(I use Translate app and my little abilities, hope you can read and understand it.)

In Samleegram, We have 2 prison guards and 10 prisoners

Prison Guards

[000]

Name : Es (エス)

CV : Sakamoto Maaya (坂本真綾)

Gender : Unknown

Age : 15

Birthday : Unknown

Height : 153 cm.

Bloodtype : Unknown

Image color : #8EC6BB (Monte Carlo)

Es bright and cheerful, They is close to almost every prisoner. They always make free time to talk with prisoners. But no one knew that they was secretly recording prisoners' information all the time.

They patrolled at night every day. Many people think it's because they works hard. But actually they was just trying to find a way out of here.

Es often gets teased by Ar for being short. So they asks Jackalope for a new pair of shoes. That makes them 160 cm tall. which is higher than Ar. LOL

((Es rarely wears a hat because it makes seeing difficult.😢 Es always cooks for everyone to eat, sometimes some prisoners come to help them. (but Ar doesn't help.)))

__________

[000]

Name : Ar (アル)

CV : Uchiyama Yumi (内山夕実)

Gender : Unknown

Age : 15

Birthday : Unknown

Height : 159 cm.

Bloodtype : Unknown

Image color : #8EB8C6 (Polo Blue)

In fact, Ar was the assistant prison guard. Its main duty is to interrogate prisoners. They was verbally violent during the interrogation. In this prison, there was hardly anyone to like them. (← It should be like that)

Ar is very foul-mouthed and has a temper. (💀) Do you see that whistle? They usually blow it when prisoners don't behave as they please. ( Why does it sound cute..? )

((Ar doesn't often wear hats either. But it's because he's just lazy. Sometimes Ar wears Es’s hat because Ar can't find their own.))

__________

Prisoners

[021]

Name : Kinoshita Haru (木下晴)

CV : Kitamura Eri (喜多村英梨)

Gender : Female

Age : 22

Birthday : January 6

Height : 173 cm.

Bloodtype : A

Image color : #F59795 (Wewak)

Haru hardly speaks to anyone. She usually communicates by writing on the board. She also isn't good at facial expressions, which makes some people think she's strange.

Haru often smokes with Masato (024) regularly. And She seem to be trying to approach Akihiko (26) for unknown reasons.

She used to like to sing and play music, she used to set up a band with a close friend before. But why did she stop doing it? Hmmm? you'll have to wait until this part of the story is revealed.✌️

((I intend to design Haru to look like a man. Due to her past story But she is a woman. However You can use the anypronoun with her that she/her he/him or they/them. She doesn't seriously about this.))

__________

[022]

Name : Murata Kei (村田軽 )

CV : Murata Ayumu (村瀬歩)

Gender : Male

Age : 14

Birthday : August 19

Height : 154 cm.

Bloodtype : AB

Image color : #BCCCD1 (Link Water)

Kei is the youngest prisoner. He has dark circles under his eyes that are clearly visible. It's because he almost didn't sleep. Even though he went to sleep, he had a nightmare anyway, so he thought it was better to take that time to study.

He often said that he was not guilty , Never kill people , Milgram caught him wrong. And he wanted to leave here very much. 'My father will definitely find me.' He always said that.

Kei looks particularly close to Hinata(023), maybe because of his similar age, he often follows her like a chick(?) Everyone in prison always sees them next to each other.

((He used to ask for cosmetics from Es, so Es thought that in fact, he might love beauty?))

__________

[023]

Name : Tsugiyama Hinata (杉山日向)

CV : Hanazawa Kana (花澤香菜)

Gender : Female

Age : 15

Birthday : March 23

Height : 148 cm.

Bloodtype : A

Image color : #F4CFC5 (Coral Candy)

Hinata is a friendly person and always talks to others. Everyone sees her cheerful and looks polite all the time. But once in a while she accidentally slipped out of a rude word. Make everyone shock…

She bandaged her arms all the time. Ritsu (028) volunteered to change the bandage for her often, but she often refused him and did it on her own. She didn't want anyone to see the that wound.

Hinata didn't have the attitude of wanting to leave milgram at all. Hinata thought that this place was much more comfortable than her house. If not sticking to the vote that she didn't like it.

((Hinata doesn't like the uniform that Milgram provides. Because it makes everyone see the bandage clearly.💢))

__________

[024]

Name : Kimura Masato (木村正人)

CV : Hirata Hiroki (平田広明)

Gender : Male

Age : 43

Birthday : February 20

Height : 187 cm.

Bloodtype : O

Image color : #78BC8E (Bay Leaf)

He is the oldest person in milgram. He lived a sluggish life as if he had completely lost faith in this world. Sometimes he acted like a father of children in prison.👴

Masato talks to Ritsu(028) most often. discussing life problems, adult edition (sounds depressing). He often smokes with Haru(021) on a regular basis, even if the other party lets him talk to a single swim.

Masato didn't pay much attention to milgram, But if he could choose, he wanted to get out of here, Because he still didn't complete his duty.

((He thinks it's not bad to have free cigarettes.))

__________

[026]

Name : Matsui Akihiko (松井昭彦)

CV : Taniyama Kishou (谷山紀章)

Gender : Male

Age : 18

Birthday : April 1

Height : 169 cm.

Bloodtype : A

Image color : #FFBF65 (Rajah)

I haven't made much of his story yet. But as you can see, He's not very friendly.

Akihiko often quarrels with Ar regularly (He actually quarrels with everyone but.. uh… with Ar the most.)

__________

[028]

Name : Itsuki Ritsu (樹律)

CV : Furukawa Makoto (古川慎)

Gender : Male

Age : 35

Birthday : June 30

Height : 182 cm.

Bloodtype : B

Image color : #3359BF (Cerulean Blue)

Please marry m- NO, I mean, Ritsu always takes care of others, maybe because he's a doctor, so he's trusted by everyone.

He is very close to Masato(024), probably because Masato is the male of his age closest to himself.

((Look at his smile ^^ 🥺))

__________

[030]

Name : Higuchi Ryota (樋口僚太)

CV : Uchida Yuma (内田雄馬)

Gender : Male

Age : 20

Birthday : October 12

Height : 174 cm.

Bloodtype : O

Image color : #C1D48C (Deco)

Ryota doesn't have any other information yet, I'll update it later!

__________

Thank you for reading to the end!!

#ocgram #milgram oc #milgram #oc #samleegram #samlee oc

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musings-of-a-rose · 2 months

Text

Falling Slowly - Chapter 9

Pairing: Tommy Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 3500+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: So I thought this may be the last chapter. It's not. Because I'm me.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

→Tell Tumblr this should be shared with others by reblogging! That's what the algorithm loves (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Falling Slowly Masterlist

Tommy Miller Masterlist

Raiders. I’m honestly surprised it’s taken this long for someone to find us. But I thought, or assumed we’d be mostly ok, hidden as well as we are. Joel and Tommy are always extra careful whenever they have to venture out further than our property to scavenge, making sure they aren’t followed. But they’ve only seen people once and that was years ago.

Sarah and Jax move quickly into the hall closet where Joel and Tommy had made a secret hiding place behind a back panel. Tommy hands me a shotgun and squeezes my hand, trying to reassure me that it will all be ok. But I don’t see how it will be.

The cabin is silent, but getting louder is the unmistakable sound of a truck, no, trucks. Joel and Tommy exchange a look, moving to stand by the front door but well hidden behind the shutters. Rose and I wait in the hallway, staring at each other as we listen as hard as we can. The trucks park and we can hear muffled voices getting out of them. Joel peeks through the slot on his side and whispers to Tommy, but I’m close enough to just hear it.

“It’s Mr. Jones.”

Mr. Jones? The man who sold us this cabin? We should be ok then, right? I chance a glance around the wall and watch as Joel’s posture changes, his face hardening even though his back is to us.

“He’s with the Raiders.”

Why is Mr. Jones with raiders? Was he captured? Why would he come here, to a cabin he’d sold us long before the outbreak?

“What’s the move?” Tommy looks at his brother, waiting to see his reply. Joel stands another moment, watching the men get out of the truck outside.

“Just follow my lead and stay quiet. If it goes south, take the kids and the girls and get out.”

“I won’t leave you-”

“Tommy.” It wasn’t a suggestion, but a firm warning, and by his silence, I know Tommy complied.

Joel takes a deep breath and unlocks the door, carrying his shotgun loose in his hands, pointed down, but still ready to go if needed.

“Hey, Mr. Jones. It’s Joel. Joel Miller.”

There’s silence for a moment before he replies. I have to strain to hear him properly. “Holy shit! Joel? It’s really you?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh! Wow, never would’ve guessed. Everyone make it out ok?”

Joel pauses for a moment, like he’s thinking how to best reply. “We survived the outbreak.”

A chuckle. “Well that’s amazing news!” There’s a slight lull in the conversation, a heavily weighted pause.

“Can I help you all with something?” Joel asks.

“Ah. Well see, I’d forgotten about this cabin, having sold it to you so long ago. Well, it feels like a long time ago. So much has happened…..anyway, I remembered we were setting it up to be off grid and I hoped you all had continued that, maybe have some supplies? I didn’t think you’d actually be here.”

“What supplies do you need?”

“All of them.”

There’s a more weighted pause before Joel replies. “Yeah, I can’t help you with that.”

“Well now, I think you can.”

This isn’t like Mr. Jones. Not the sweet man and his sweet wife who just loved the Miller brothers. Mrs. Jones especially adored Tommy, as she often told him he reminded her so much of a brother she had lost when she was younger. I can hear Tommy grip his gun harder and I glance at Rose, both of us locking eyes in the understanding that we may have to book it down the escape route rather quickly if things escalate.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jones. I would be happy to trade with you, but I can’t just-”

“You know, the only reason you’re still alive is because my wife loved you guys so much. Tommy especially. He reminded her so much of her brother Gabriel. She wouldn’t have wanted anything bad to happen to you.”

“Is she ok?”

Another pause. “She…didn’t make it past outbreak day.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. She was a good woman.”

“She was. But, now you see my predicament. I don’t want to hurt you out of respect for my wife. And I’m assuming you have a lot of resources, considering I’m fairly positive your brother and your kids and wives are all hiding here too.”

“So what do you propose?”

“There’s no need for bloodshed here. There are many of us and a few of you. Still, I wouldn’t want to upset my wife.”

“Alright then. You and your men can just go and we’ll forget it happened.”

“Ah, well. I do have responsibilities to my men too. They also have families and needs…how about this: we leave you all here with your supplies, but you and Tommy have to come work for us. Only when we need you. We could use your construction expertise but also your, apparently steady trigger fingers.”

A long pause. “Can I have a moment?”

“Absolutely. We’ll be here, in good faith.”

“In good faith.”

Joel’s heavy boots tap against the floor as he moves back inside, gently closing the door almost shut behind him, his peripheral trained on the men he can see through the crack. Joel calls to use and Rose and I join our men in front of the door.

“Well?” Joel asks, looking at all of us.

“How many men are there?” Rose asks. “I’m a pretty good shot.”

Joel shakes his head. “There’s at least 10. And they mentioned families so I think if they didn’t return, more would come.”

“We could just leave? Throw a few things in some backpacks and head out the tunnel with the kids?”

“And go where, Daisy?” Joel’s dark eyes meet mine. “There’s nowhere around for miles and these raiders are bound to go looking around. Not to mention the damn infected. We can’t give this place up.”

I know he’s right, but still. It had to be said.

“I don’t like this, Joel.” Rose takes his hand and squeezes it. “I don’t want you gone for God knows how long.”

Joel lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. “I know. But we have to do this to take care of you. All of you. Tommy?” Joel looks at his brother, but I don’t have to look to know what his response will be. Tommy will do anything to protect Jax and I, no matter what.

“Yeah. We gotta protect ours.”

Joel nods at Tommy. “It’s settled.”

It was almost 2 weeks before they came back, just one vehicle, Joel and Tommy gathering up their backpacks, nerves visible in their features. Joel went around back to grab another tool bag and Rose and Sarah followed him. Jax was still asleep upstairs and Tommy had already said goodbye to his sleeping son. He slides his arm through the other strap and I adjust his flannel shirt, picking at it in an attempt to do something other than cry.

“Hey.” Tommy lifts my chin with his finger and gently presses his lips to mine before pulling back to look at me. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

“Please be careful, Tommy. I love you so much, I can’t…I can’t lose you. Not again, I-”

“Hey, darlin’. I love you too. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

He pulls me to him and I nuzzle into his chest, inhaling his scent, letting it permeate my brain as it tries to memorize everything about him. But then Joel walks back inside, handing Tommy another tool bag before moving to the front door.

“Be safe.”

“You too.”

Rose, Sarah, and I stand together in the doorway, watching Joel and Tommy get into the truck, not knowing when they’ll come back.

Or if.

The first few times they went, they helped the raiders build some additions to their compound, fortifying their defenses and just general maintenance and repair. I had asked Tommy if no one there knew how to do any of this, as it seemed pretty odd that in a compound of the size they discussed, that no one knew how to do something as simple as switch out a doorknob.

“Yeah, normally that would be odd. Except, they’re all rich people.”

I look up at him from where I had been snuggling against his chest. “What?”

He nods. “Yeah. Before the outbreak, all of these people had money. I’m talking loaded. Lots of them telling stories about it. So they’re not used to doing things for themselves.”

“So the rich people are raiders?”

He shrugs. “Guess maybe they couldn’t cope with doing without. So they just started taking.”

About 6 months in, the raiders come to collect Joel and Tommy, this time for an actual raid. They promised they’d be careful, looking out for people and clickers. But I don’t like it. It was bad enough them going to help the raiders build their home. But this?

They don’t return for nearly 2 weeks.

Before, they were gone at most 4 days. Byt the end of the 2 weeks, Rose and I were ready to go charging the base and probably would have if it wasn’t for Sarah and Jax.

They returned in the middle of the night, the kids fast asleep. Rose and I were still awake, having a hard time sleeping without them here. But the sound of a truck was unmistakeable in the quiet and we carefully headed downstairs, peeking out the slot in the shutters that Joel had looked out before, making sure it was really them. Joel and Tommy hopped out of the truck, slinging their bags over one shoulder without so much as a glance behind them. But my initial wave of relief at the sight of them quickly was replaced by concern as Tommy gets closer and I can see the hunch in his shoulders, his eyes on the ground. Something had happened. Something bad. Rose opens the door and Joel steps inside, Tommy following behind him as Rose closes the door. They drop their packs and kick off their boots, stowing them in the little baskets we had placed by the door.

“Tommy?” I reach for his hand but he snatches it back, not quite meeting my eye.

“I need to shower.”

I was stunned. He had been on some dirty construction sites, even building for the raiders, and not once has he never kissed me when he came home. Out the corner of my eye, I see a similar conversation happening between Joel and Rose, Joel following Tommy upstairs.

“What the fuck happened?” Rose whispers to me, her eyes on the stairs where Joel had just been.

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem good.”

I pop my head in the kid’s room, checking that they’re still asleep. I should stop calling it the kids room as Sarah is nearly 20 now. But they’re both so attached at the hip, I forget that she’s so much older than him.

I close our door behind me, hearing the shower click off as I kick off my house shoes. I sit on the bed, quietly waiting for him. Tommy emerges from the bathroom, towel slung low around his hips, his hair wet and curly, sticking to his neck and forehead. He turns to the dresser and grabs a pair of boxers and puts them on, tossing the wet towel in the basket. He sits next to me on the bed, still not looking at me. It’s almost as if he’s..ashamed?

I cup my hand to his cheek and lift his face to mine and immediately have to choke back tears at the look of defeat in his eyes. “Hey. I love you.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I love you too.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to give details. But fuck, Daisy, I…we had to do some shady shit and I don’t…But it’s to keep you safe so I will, but-”

“Hey, hey,. It’s ok. We can just leave. We have the truck and we have more time now so we can load it up and-”

He shakes his head. “Joel’s right though. They’ll come looking for us. Especially now.”

“What do you mean especially now?”

Tommy looks down, picking at his fingers. “We were good at our job. Joel more than me, but they liked how good of a shot I am.”

“Tommy. Look at me.” It takes him several moments but he does, his eyes watering. “I love you. I love you no matter what, ok?” He nods but like he doesn't believe me. I place my hands on either side of his face and pull him to me, pressing my lips to his.

And to my surprise, he melts into me, one hand coming up to tangle in my hair, the other gripping my hip as he deepens the kiss. He turns his body, pressing me down into the bed as he lays on me, kissing down my neck, goosebumps erupting down my arms. I know this isn’t a healthy way to cope but it seems to be what he needs and honestly, I need him. I need to hold him, know he’s here with me, solidly here. He pushes his hips against mine, my back arching as he nips at my neck, his hips rocking faster and faster, chasing his high. His hands are everywhere, sliding over my skin, gripping me, touching me, his lips drawing paths across my body. My fingers tangle in his curls, my legs wrapping around him, urging him deeper, faster until finally lights erupt behind my eyes, my whole body tingling as I moan his name, hearing my own echoed back at me as his hips sputter against mine. He presses his forehead to mine and takes a few breaths before he pulls out, allowing me time to use the bathroom first. When he’s done, he slides into bed and pulls me to his chest, wrapping his large arms around me, my back pressed into his broad chest, his nose in my hair.

“I’m here if you want to talk, but I’m also here if this is what you need. Whatever you want, I’m here, Tommy.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Every time they leave, I swear a part of them doesn't come back. Joel seems more aggressive. Not to us, but just...angrier. Tommy's shoulder's slump, his smile often not reaching his eyes, staring blankly out at the trees as he relives whatever horrors he's had to do.

It's when the last bit of life in his eyes snuffs out that I decide I need to do something.

I'd always told him he could talk to me and sometimes he did. I know he hasn't told me everything they've had to do, and I don't expect him to. I've asked him to leave before, but he always said Joel never would. That he couldn't leave his brother. But after 5 years, it finally took that last little bit of him I had left. I couldn't continue on like this. We couldn't continue on like this.

I come back into the cabin, washing my hands in the kitchen sink, before I head back outside, walking down through the trees to the dock, knowing I'd find Tommy sitting at the edge of it, glass of water clutched in his hand as he stares blankly out at the water, a million miles away.

"Hey, handsome." I sit next to him, gently placing my hand on his thigh and giving it a light squeeze. He blinks rapidly a few times, coming back to present before looking at me, smiling slightly.

"Hey, beautiful."

I place my hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb over the bit of stubble that had grown in the last few days. "Are you here with me?"

His dark eyes meet mine and he blinks. "I am."

"Come with me?"

He cocks his head slightly to the side as I stand up, offering my hand out to him. He takes it, the warmth from his large hand seeping into mine as I lead him off the deck and back into the woods, down a path he'd taken me years ago. Albeit I was blindfolded, but I'm not bothering with a blindfold this time.

It had taken me a few days to figure it out, setting up the tent and blankets just like he'd done for our anniversary not too long after...well, after. I thought for sure he'd know where we're going but if he does, he says nothing, his fingers still laced with mine as we walk around trees and over roots. When the clearing appears and he sees the tent, he stops walking. I look back at him and am met with a blank stare.

"Tommy?"

"What..what are we doing here?"

"I thought it might be nice to get away for at least a night."

His jaw clenches. "Shit, did I miss our anniversary?"

At least he remembered why we had been here before. "No. I just...come sit with me?" I take his one hand in both of mine, pulling him slightly towards the blanket I had spread out. He pauses for a moment but then acquiesces, kicking off his boots and stretching out his long legs on the blanket. I kick off my own boots and sit next to him, hesitating before taking his hand again, feeling him lace his fingers through mine.

"I love you, Tommy."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

I told myself I wouldn't cry, that I'd be strong. But when I looked at him, his eyes staring at mine, and I couldn't see that light, I lost it. Giant drops fell from my eyes, splashing against our entwined hands.

"Hey, hey Daisy. What's wrong?" He drops my hand to place it on my cheek, cradling my face with both hands.

"I..can't...can't..."

He pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me and I finally feel safe, secure, like he's fully here with me in this moment. It takes me a few minutes to calm down, but he's patient with me, always so patient, just holding me and letting me sort myself.

"We have to leave, Tommy."

He doesn't move, still for a long moment and so I sit up, drying my tears on the back of my hand.

"Daisy, we can't. I told you, Joel won't-"

"Every time you guys leave, a part of you doesn't come back. I know you're having to do terrible shit, more terrible than the crap you've told me about. And I've supported you as best I can, but Tommy, I feel like you're finally slipping away from me and I can't pull you to me, and I can't lose you, I just can't. Not again. I won't survive it."

"Oh darlin'. I'm right here."

I look up at him. "But that's just it. You're not. Even when you're here, you're not. This last trip. Something took the last bit of light from your eyes and I-" a sob ripples up from my throat and Tommy immediately pulls me to him again.

"You said you're protecting us. But who's going to protect us when you're gone, Tommy? Even if you're alive, you can still be gone. Please. We have to go."

A drop of water hits my cheek, but it's not my tears. I turn my head up and see tears freely flowing down Tommy's cheeks. This time it's my turn to hold him, press him to my chest as he cries. It's several long minutes before the sobs stop, the tears finally drying. My fingers are still tangled in his curls, gently patting him and lightly scratching his head. He sits up, wiping his eyes on his arm.

"I'm so sorry, Daisy. I thought I could handle it."

"Hey. You're so fucking strong. Most people would've cracked by now."

He smiles weakly. "I would have, if it weren't for Joel." His face falls. "He'll never leave, Daisy. He's convinced this is the safest option."

"Tommy, we can't continue on like this forever."

He nods. "You're right. I gotta take care of my family and that's what I'm gonna do."

"What if Joel won't come?"

"He won't. I'll make the offer to Rose and Sarah, but I'm sure they'll stay. But we'll still go."

"You sound like you have a plan?"

He's quiet again, his eyes going far away for several moments before looking back at me.

"Actually, I do. I've heard about this freedom fighting group called the Fireflies."

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blackhairedjjun · 1 year

Text

flowers of every color | 9. purple hyacinths

overall summary: when your father is assigned as the new head gardener to the royal family, you are also tasked with helping him maintain the castle's many gardens and extensive floral arrangements. by chance you find yourself crossing paths with the "ice-cold" crown prince, choi yeonjun... who turns out to be not as ice-cold as everyone says he is.

chapter summary: soobin checks on yeonjun, and beomgyu checks on you; you take the first step to make amends.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: a bit of angst, general panicking/anxiety

author's note: second to the last main chapter! finally getting a break from the angst here i swear 🙏

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soobin doesn’t even need to knock for the older choi to sense his presence. “come in,” he says.

yeonjun is sitting at the edge of his bed when his friend and younger relative enters. he doesn’t even turn in his direction, instead gazing at the flower vase where the wilting striped carnations still are, their stems turning brown. he hasn’t even considered getting them replaced.

“i know you’re still mad at y/n,” he says, moving aside so that soobin can sit next to him, “but don’t be too hard on them, please.”

“i just wish they could’ve ended things properly with you instead of avoiding you.”

yeonjun looks down at his hands and fidgets. “but i... does it matter? maybe they were right, i shouldn’t be friends with them. i mean, shit” — his voice trembles — “i’m getting married. even if we fixed things i can’t just run off to teatime and spend time with them like we used to.”

“well, even if that’s the case” — soobin pauses and stares at him. “wait, hold on, the engagement is real now?!”

yeonjun flops on the bed, buries his face in a pillow, and lets out a long, muffled whine.

“i… i thought things would slow down and all.”

“i thought so too!” yeonjun throws the pillow aside, nearly hitting soobin with it. “but the bride’s mother is a control freak! she’s going to get this alliance even if she forces us all into it! and all our advisors agree that the agreement is just too good to pass up, so if i say that i don’t want to get married, i’ll look like the court idiot.”

“hyung, your mom has to do something about this. she’s bought you time before.”

“how much? even if she buys me time, i’ll still have to marry that princess!” he lets out another whine. “i barely know anything about her! she won’t tell me anything about herself and her mom is probably feeding her things to say so that she doesn’t ruin the engagement! what the hell do i do? i can’t marry a stranger, i just can’t… why can’t i marry y/n instead?”

soobin stares at him. yeonjun, realizing what he just said, sits up and stares back in horror. his ears start to turn red.

“please forget that i just said that.”

the younger choi simply grins. “hyung, beomgyu and i have known since the first time we saw you two together.”

“are you serious?! was it really that obvious?”

“pretty much.” soobin looks down and purses his lips, lost in thought, then glances back up at yeonjun. “that’s why i’m so upset at them at first. you two looked so happy together, and i hoped that you would stay happy. when they stopped being friends with you, it was like stopping a good dream.”

“well, it is just a dream anyway. even if i somehow fixed things with them and they felt that way about me too, it’s not like i can be with them.”

“you never know, hyung. one of the princes in the central region got to choose his wife! i was there at his wedding.”

“maybe, i just hope it’s not too late for me.”

soobin shrugs. “does y/n know how you feel?”

“i never told them. what if they figured it out and stopped being friends with me because they don’t feel the same way?”

“not with the way they look at you.”

yeonjun glares at soobin, mouth agape.

“what?” soobin elbows him lightly. “it’s true! i saw how they looked at you a while ago when you said you were busy. they looked like you stomped on their heart!”

“but they stomped on mine first! how could they feel that way?!”

“i don’t know with them! just stop stomping on each other’s hearts!” soobin huffs. “look, both of you are hurting and it’s unlike you to be this hopeless.”

yeonjun buries his face in the pillow again, but instead of a whine he just lets out a low groan. he feels his friend pull him closer to his side and his hand rubbing circles in his back. sighing, he pries the pillow off himself.

they both sit in silence for a few moments. yeonjun glances at the vase of wilted carnations and lets himself remember all the flowers you’ve delivered to him. he dwells on the pink roses you left him after the dance, and how he always imagined dancing with you again. he loved having you in his arms and he dreams still of holding you even closer.

even as every day conspires to make that dream nothing more than a flight of fancy, a part of him has always held onto it.

“you’re right. i wish we could just work things out.”

“they will.”

“how do you know?”

“i don’t, but beomgyu’s talking to y/n right now. i think that’s a good sign.”

yeonjun looks at him with eyes full of hope. “about what?”

“dunno, but i bet he’s talking sense into them.”

—

you sit on the grass and hug your knees. the cold response from yeonjun has made your body feel unbearably heavy, so much that you need to sit to be able to bear your own weight. your head is slumped and you close your eyes as you try to grapple with the image of your friend ignoring you and walking away, when all he has ever done before is stay close to you and ask you to stay close by him too. without meaning to you find yourself in front of the wall of emotions again, and this time trying to climb or even approach it feels more daunting than ever.

you feel something shift next to you, snapping you out of your spiral, and open your eyes to see beomgyu seated next to you on the grass.

“your…” you throat feels dry. “your trousers will get dirty…”

“it’s okay, they’re dark colored anyway so no one will see. how are you feeling?”

you bite your lip. beomgyu tilts his head at you and watches you with shining eyes, as if to say go on, you can say whatever you want. you still feel the wall of emotions looming over you, so you say nothing.

“or we can sit down here as long as you like,” he says, filling the air with chatter. “it’s a pretty day, isn’t it? i like this time of year when the weather’s not too warm and the sky is clear. usually soobin hyung and yeonjun hyung and i will play a lot of games or go swimming or ride the horses, especially when we were kids. we don’t do it as much ‘cause of all the meetings, and also ‘cause we get tired faster.”

you nod. there’s something oddly comforting about the image of the three boys playing games in the meadows as kids.

“we usually do it here ‘cause yeonjun hyung’s family has the biggest open grounds, but sometimes we go to soobin hyung’s or my home. we have a tennis court at our castle grounds, you should come! i think you’d be good at it. you were really good at that badminton game.”

“oh… thanks.”

“did you play a lot of sports growing up?”

“a little bit.” you loosen your grip on your knees. “usually when the other children invite me to play, but i never start it myself.”

“oh! you weren’t the type to go running around a lot?”

you shake your head.

“mm, what did you do when you were a kid?”

“uh, gardening.” you laugh. “and drawing, but i wasn’t very good. i just liked doing it.”

beomgyu laughs too. you start to chat with him about both of your childhood memories, and as you do, the heaviness starts to lift from your body. the initial shock from your encounter with yeonjun starts to subside, and though you still feel that wall of emotions looming in front of you, your mind has now taken a few steps back from it. besides, you no longer feel like you’re facing that wall alone; beomgyu is with you, making sure that you’re okay.

he’s in the middle of telling a story about the time he and another prince from the house of huening once snuck into the kitchen to steal some chocolates, and you listen and wait for him to finish. you’re pretty sure he’s exaggerating the story but it doesn’t matter and you laugh anyway. you feel calm now, not quite free from the heaviness but at least in a place to carry it better.

“hey, beomgyu?”

“what is it?”

“i...” you gaze up at the sky. “i’m scared.”

his expression changes from a carefree smile to a look of concern. “what are you scared of?”

“everything, i guess.” you grip the fabric of your gardener’s smock. “i’m scared that i’ll never talk to yeonjun again and that i broke his heart. what if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore even if i try to make it up to him? but even if i do try to be friends again, will everyone else even let me? he’s getting engaged and he has that princess now, would she even let me be a part of his life? and what if the staff gets suspicious of me again and i get fi—”

“whoa, whoa. slow down, y/n.” he lifts an arm to put around your shoulder, and you let him. “let’s take it one at a time, okay?”

you take a deep breath. “what i mean is, i feel like i’m going to lose either way. either i lose yeonjun because i stopped being friends with him, or i lose him because he’s a prince and i’m just a gardener.”

beomgyu nods and pats your shoulder. “it’s okay to be scared,” he says, his voice soft. “we’re all scared, actually. yeonjun hyung’s terrified. we have to learn to not look scared because we’re princes and people look up at us, but we’re just as scared as you.”

“i know he’s scared too. i’m worried about him but i just... i just wish i knew what to do. it feels like everything i do will hurt, whether it’s me or him or the both of us.”

you hear your companion humming as he tries to think. “i think you can take things slowly...? ‘cause it is scary trying to solve all those things at once, but maybe there’s something small that you can handle.”

“something small...” you smooth down your gardener’s smock. now that you’ve backed away from the wall and aired out your fears, everything feels less overwhelming. you can see the pieces of your problems now: your friendship, your feelings, yeonjun’s feelings, his betrothal. you still can’t fix everything 一 maybe if you had less self-restraint, you’d kick down the doors of the cathedral on his wedding day 一 but seeing each piece of the puzzle gives you some clarity.

you can’t fix the court politics that he’s gotten himself into, but you can make amends with yeonjun. maybe it won’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it’s better than nothing.

you turn to beomgyu with a small smile.

“hey, what are you thinking of now? are you concocting some sort of grand scheme?”

“nothing grand.” you stand up and brush the grass off yourself. “you’re right, i need to start small.”

一

you aren’t part of the official party to send off the visiting branches of the house of choi, but you find a convenient excuse to go water the marigolds at the front entrance where the sending-off will occur. you stand off to the side, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible, hidden from the line of sight of the farewell party: the royal family, their advisors, queen hwayoung and princess ajin and their advisors, and a dozen other members of the court. their eyes and yours are all on the parade of carriages ready to leave through the main gate and back to their respective kingdoms.

you watch beomgyu approach one carriage first with his parents, smiling and waving, thanking them for the nice room and the good food and the pleasant time. he waves freely with his left arm while his right arm cradles a pot of sweet peas 一 the one you miraculously managed to prepare just that morning. you smile at the sight just as he spots you off to the side. his smile becomes wider and he mouths good luck to you before finally climbing in his carriage.

soobin and his parents are next, and though he appears shyer than the younger choi, he still manages to give little bows and dimpled smiles at everyone. he doesn’t wave, not when both of his hands are carrying the sweet pea pot you prepared, and you can’t help but giggle at it. he seems to have taken some invisible cue from beomgyu, because he spots you instantly, then nods and mouths take care at you before he too climbs into the carriage and prepares to leave.

once all the carriages and carts are ready, the main gate opens and you watch them exit, one by one, all while the farewell party continues to shout well-wishes for safe travels. for a while you can see soobin and beomgyu still waving at everyone and shouting greetings back. you can’t yell any yourself without getting noticed, so you send your farewells silently from your heart, hoping that your goodwill will reach them anyway and be felt long after you’re gone from their sight.

the carriages disappear and the party starts to disperse. queen hwayoung and princess ajin disappear almost instantly, and the other court officials start to head back as well. soon only the royal family is left, and the king and queen are soon whisked away by a guard for some important matter to attend to. that leaves yeonjun just behind everyone else, and you take your cue.

“your majesty.”

you hate using his title on him again, but you need to keep up the pretense.

yeonjun whips around. “who’s ther一”

you step out from the side and take out what you previously hid among the marigolds: a small pot of purple hyacinths. “it’s me, your majesty.”

for a few moments he simply stares at you, posture rigid. he doesn’t approach but raises an eyebrow. “‘your majesty’? c’mon are we really not一”

before he can say anything more, you shove the pot into his hands. “pleasenotnownotoutside,” you say. you start to tremble and try to steady yourself with a long, deep breath. “i mean, not where people can see us, please, not here…”

yeonjun’s posture shifts. he grabs you by the arm and pulls you away from the main entrance and off to small courtyard at the side. he looks around to confirm that there’s no one watching, then sets down the pot and steps toward you.

before you can back away, he places a hand on your cheek and gazes at you with tears starting to form in his eyes. his whole expression softens as he studies your face, and you feel the old warmth blooming in your chest 一 it’s been too long since you felt that sensation.

“are you okay? is anyone threatening you?”

he says it so softly that you could melt right into him. you shake your head.

“did they punish you again?”

you shake your head again. “they could if they see us…”

yeonjun tries to say more but you only tut and tilt your head towards the pot.

he nods, brushing your cheek with his thumb and blinking away his tears, then crouches down to where the pot is. he gazes at the delicate purple flowers before he sees the paper you tucked in between the stalks, then he fishes it out and reads your message:

dear yeonjun, these purple hyacinths are for sorrow and apologies. i’m sorry. i hurt you and i shouldn’t have. please let me explain myself to you. meet me at the gazebo tonight at midnight, and i’ll tell you everything.

he pockets the message and stands up to face you again. as he stands close to you, he takes both your hands in his, tilting his head down towards yours to lock eyes with you.

“okay, i’ll be there.”

already the hours to midnight feel too long.

notes: everybody say thank you beomgyu 😌 we are wrapping things up real soon!!

taglist (CLOSED) @seosalad @lilplilplilp @yeonboy @pyuae @hyuneyeon @strawbrinkofdeath @yushiu @mazeinthemoon @banggyu0308 @shytubatu @kyaneosprincess @agustdiv1ne @whippedforbeomgyu @justineasian @skywithf1 @wrongbathroom @choizzn @bangchansbae @huskyhunny @catsyoon @flowerbe0m

#txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #txt x you #yeonjun x you #choi yeonjun x reader #kpop x reader #txt imagines #kpop imagines #yeonjun imagines #txt angst #txt fluff #yeonjun angst #yeonjun fluff #tomorrow x together imagines #txt fic #txt fanfic #fic:flowers of every color #bhj: violet's works

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itwasnotahamster · 6 months

Text

- Letters from the Dead - (Part 1)

The brackets will indicate possible context or corrections (sometimes commentary). - 💜

"Only Black is true, only Death is real!!! Gore is trend! Hello Nick! It's Dead here again. Hey- you're really good at drawing, I use to do some drawing stuff myself. I enclose something of it in this letter. Maybe we together can work something out, maybe even in Metal Destruction…? You asked of releases, if we need some artworks for that... Well we rarely give out much and as for the next release we'll probably have some photograph instead. But if we would need something that you might feel for help us out with I'll tell of it. So what we can use drawings for is for stuff like flyers, ads and letterpages. So far I have done the drawings for that... well the main reason of that is that we have a (old!) xerox mashine and I'm the one in the band that 'can' draw. It's not so often that I have time left to spend hours or sometimes days by making drawings and too many don't like that kind of drawings I make (but fuck them wimps!). But onto the Deathlike Silence Prod. now. The 2nd edition of the 1st release on DSP. - Merciless is out now, the one you get here as promo. We're looking for distributors everywhere and everybody who can sell 10 (or more) records will receive a copy for free + that 10 records will be cheaper. As soon as this the 2nd ed. has paid, Imperator will go in studio.

Imperators LP will contain 8-10 songs (depending on how many "old demo songs" they'll use - but it'll be new trax as well) and it'll be entitled "The time before time". After that it'll probably be the colombian Masacre as the next release. Masacre will be very soon release a 7- inches with 3 demo songs on the greek label Scene of Love. That's a new started label and I hope they can give out enough copies, not limited ed. of it. Of course we give the bands free hands and they're not bounded to use at all, but I'm thinking of the fact that Masacre is selling so much... Only in Colombia their 1st, and only demo sold 1000 copies ( which is more than our Deathcrush demo has sold worldwide...). We can only press up 1000 copies each time of every edition of DSP, and the first ed. Of Merciless sold out as fast as we could pack and post it. This second ed. we recieved [received] for not a so long time ago will depend on how much stamps we can get, of how soon it'll sell out. In Norway it's very hard to sell records - it's far away from USA or South America and I don't think any real scene exists here. Do you think you can take care of some distribution/selling of DSP releases, or you maybe know someone else who's interested? [True dedication]. I think Merciless will be very easy to sell in Italy. Many zines exists there and we recieve many letters from there also. We also sell other records (given out by various underground labels) but it can be so different of what records of others releases we sell 'cos we usually don't get so many of them, so they sell out so soon. But anyway - I can tell of what we presently have got (except of Merciless)

LP's (£10000 + postage)

Agressor/Loudblast (split LP, France) "Licenced to thrash"

Arakain (Czechoslovakia, speed metal - I do not like this one!) "Thrash the Trash"

Nomed (France)... very boring mainstream... "Like..."

Abomination (USA)

Disharmonic Orchestra/Pungent Stench (Austria, split LP)

Malicious Intent (Canada) "Shades of black"

7's (£5000 + postage)

Asphyx (Holland, Limited ed. 1000 copies) "Mutilating Process"

Atrocity (Germany) "Blue Blood"

Pungent Stench (Austria) "Extreme Deformity"

Disharmonic Orchestra (Austria) "Successive Substitution"

Do not print this in Metal Destruction, I will explain it to you, ok. If you want any of these records above, please tell of how many and of what records so I can see how much the postage will be. Now over to Mayhem. For the first time we've been in studio and recorded 2 songs (first time with this line-up I mean). It'll be released on Chicken Brain Records, a swedish kind of underground label some time in this autumn. It'll be 8-19 other (swedish) bands on it, among them Merciless. I don't know the title of this compilation LP/CD. Our songs that'll be on it are "The Freezing Moon" and "Carnage". The Freezing Moon is a new one and pretty different from our other songs, as example it's a long guitar solo on a very long Doom part on it and that's because we wanted to have a solo at only one track (of our new ones). Carnage was made in '85 (!) so it's really old. It was on the 1st demo/reh - Pure Fucking Armageddon (released in only 100 copies and not available) but with the thought of the very bad sound on it we feeled for playing it again and try to keep the original sound of it. I'll tape these trax for ya but I'm not so sure of if it'll be enclosed in this letter or if I'll put this letter togeather [together] with the Merciless record but anyhow you'll get this tape. You can record it to others if you like to but please don't trade it, and I'll record some else bands too for filling out the rest of the tape. Have you heard of the INCREADIBLY KILLING GREAT band Tormentor from Hungary? Their demo is about 4 years old but it sounds like the Death/Black metal bands of today. We try to find out if they want a deal on DSP. But unfortunately they hardly speak any English at all so it seems like neither them or us understood it... We think of releasing a full-lengtht LP of Mayhem but it seems to take a fucking longtime before we got material enough for it... The only we know about it is a title that MUST be used - De Mysteriis Dom. Sathanas. That was about all future plans I can tell of I guess. I look forward to see Metal Destruction. There's a possibility that we can sell it also, but I can't say if for sure.

About Satanism... well, I'd like to join a very underground and Illful, Evil and Grim Coven. I think you know of the hassles by finding any or getting any contact with a such. I do NOT like what's created by Anton LaVey like 1st Church of Satan. I came in contact with a dude who's a degree in the American Satans Sons - Church of Satan and he explained of it has nothing to do with LaVey at all. I asked of if it does exist in Europe also and of what it is exactly... well he didn't reply. But I heard later thet Satans Sons shall exist in Europe but I still don't know in which countries it is. In Norway it's not much of this, but in Sweden (-I am swedish) that 1st Church shall be in Stockholm (the capital there) and it shall be about 5 churches built by satanic sects, used only by satanists, mostly it's under christian churches - like the one under "Mariakyrkan" (Mary's Church) in the South of Stockholm where the 1st Church of Satan use to hang around at. I know it exists really Dark covens that use human sacrifices and are eating human flesh - them are those I try to find. I do not know much about magic and I can't say I'm a practicer of it 'cos I havn't succed. What is depending on what one can do in magic (all of its kind) is of what books one can get...those are hidden in libraries and so hard to even see... 'cos of course they don't let anyone even see them. You must be a scientist or something like if you would see the microfilms of that kind of books. A great library of many various kinds of magical arts and the Blackest of Black Arts too is the British Museum in London. But it's so damned difficult to get ones claws on those books. One book I really wanna get is De Mysteriis Dom. Sathanas, unfortunately it exists only in one copy... are you practicing any magic and do you know of any covens? Have you seen/heard/felt anything supernatural? I have but I didn't understand much of what that was and I think the most of it was only so-called echoes from the past or the future [I am curious about this]. Do you know anything about astral planes and out-of body travelling? You seem to be into it and I agree about stupid trendmakers so it is something that I feel I can tell you of. I had a weird experience once, I had inner bleedings and it couldn't be found at x-rays so when it continued to bleed and bleed I finally fainted and dropped down the floor 'cos I run out of blood. The heart had no blood left to beat and my veins/artairs were almost emptied of blood. "Tecnically" I was dead. At that moment I fell down (into a door I heard of later) I saw a strange blue colour everywhere, it was transparent so I could, for a short moment, see everything in blue, till something shining white and "hot" surrounded me. What happened later is out of interest, I woke up when some ambulance men came and drove me to a hospital and there the bastards of surgery started to cut me up at the wrong side so I got a huge scar for that. However, it's someone I know who's had many out of body experiences and is using magic of various kinds and knows much more than I do of "supernatural" experiences, that I asked of this 'cos it was so strange about those colours. She told me that the first 'plane' in the astral world has the colour blue. The "earthly" plane has the colour black, then comes a grey one that is very near the earthly one and is easy to come to. The next one further is blue, and then it gets brighter and brighter till it "stops" at a white-shining one that can't be entered by mortals. IF any mortal succee enter it, that one is no longer a mortal and can not come back to the other planes nor back to this earth. After the white plane or level or whatever it goes further with other colour I don't know of, there only spirits and great sorcerers can travel. I was told that the white plane I then entered, without I knew it, was the dead world and I died. But I also got thrown back after a short time which very rarely happens. So of what I've heard of I have some kind of purpose to achieve here."

Reached the limit for this one, I will add on!

#metal music #black metal #Pelle Ohlin #Dead #90s #Mayhem #Swedish black metal #metal #Norwegian black metal #Per's letters #Letters to Old Nick #Old Nick #Letters from the Dead #1990 #The Old Nick #Per Yngve Ohlin

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mean-scarlet-deceiver · 4 months

Text

Wilbert's Worst

Right, so I really was open to having my mind changed on The Worst One but nobody’s argument has budged me.

I was going to write a complete, balanced essay on The Worst W. Awdry Book, but I’m a) mired in the research phase (hey if anyone knows someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of Tom and Jerry hit me up, for real) and b) right now I wanna talk about the characters and their Beloved Dynamics instead.

So I'm just gonna get this out of the way so I can post the poll and move on to answering fun asks and watching Tom and Jerry in peace. Behold: a salty and unbalanced review.

Wilbert’s biggest failure of a children’s storybook?

Henry the Green Engine

Ohhh… because of the, uh, ra —?

Because of the racism, yes!

Oh. You do know that since 1972 they’ve republished it without the n-slur?

Good for them. Two things:

1. I know it used to be there, I’m never able to read it without knowing it was there in the first edition.

2. I consistently try, when ranking the books, to consider them in the context in which they came out. Because of this, I don’t like using “things that happened later” (like a new character never being properly used again or whatever) against the book. This helps me evaluate the author’s successes and failures against what they were trying to achieve when they wrote it vs what I would most want (blorbo content). It helps me not bring to bear the whole weight of fanon and fandom on a text that should be able to stand or fall on its own. Tl;dr I try to read the books like a guy who picked it up in 1951, or whatever.

And yeah, if I’d bought this when it came out it would have had the slur. I’m going to judge it accordingly.

Look, racism is bad, no argument, but does that mean the book as a whole must be condemned?

Yeah, I think the slur and the “aaaand suddenly, blackface! heeheehee” bullshit fuck over the entire book, game over. Go directly to jail, do not collect $200.

The Railway Series is not a work of high art or deep thorny complex literature. The books are meant for children — small children, at that. Children small enough to get bedtime stories read to them. The main goal of each book (especially this early on — you do have to manage secondary priorities like “pleasing the long-time fanbase” the longer you go, but right now we’re only 6 books into the series) is to create a happy imaginary world to enhance childhoods and family lives… to impart to other parents and kids a similar cosy happiness to that the author and his own kids enjoyed when he was workshopping/drafting the stories for them. When we say “children’s book” we really do mean little’uns — these average 1.25 full-color illustrations per page!

And these books sold in large numbers. This means it’s a certainty that somewhere in 1951 there was a Black family who owned the whole series, who went out to the shops, whose kid was like “ooh! Henry gets a book, neat…,” who like everyone else enjoyed the wild ride of Henry’s inspection and coal and wreck and rebuild… only to get verbally spat on one page from the end.

Real mood-killer there. Epic fail, as the cool kids used to say in my youth.

All right, fine, cool kids never said that. Anyway, statistically speaking there was certainly even more than one family that got that experience. Not to mention the non-Black families who even in 1951 were like “... wtf? i’d smack my kid if they ever said a word like that around me, geez. no.” Just a lot of people who had the light the book was kindling in them snuffed out all at once.

You can actually be totally racist and your book not commit creative suicide on the penultimate page! Awdry flubbed his job of 'bestselling books-for-six-year-olds' here. Creative failure. Unforced error. Automatic zero.

But times were different then, you have to consider it in the context of the time.

1951 U.K. was not the nadir of multiracial equality or Black power, but jfc. I can assure you that over 99% of children’s books published that year in the Anglosphere managed to not use the n-slur.

All right, all right. That was bad. But this feels off-topic. If you had never known about what used to be “Henry’s Sneeze,” would you still rank the entire book as dead last in the Wilbert Awdry corpus?

Not dead last, but it is not a strong book. “Coal” and “The Flying Kipper” are super-interesting as material for Henry, but after that the book kind of falls off a cliff; the intrigue drops dramatically. The railway incidents chosen to make stories of are all solid choices, but it was not only “Sneeze” where Awdry’s handling of the material feels clumsy and weird. (And I’m not even talking here of the “heehee blackface — ain’t i a stinker?” gag in “Sneeze.”)

But… “The Flying Kipper”? C’mon. It’s a superb story and no book that contains it can be the absolute worst in the series.

“TFK” remains easily the best single TVS episode ever – but a lot of that is down to Britt and David’s artistry and judgment.

Don’t get me wrong, a full-on railway wreck makes interesting material. But I don’t think the book does nearly as much with it as it could (and I’m trying sooooo hard here to forget about the amazing TVS adaptation, as I think it REALLY shows Awdry up. Even so, the storytelling here is surprisingly tepid and low-stakes). I get that Awdry probably wanted to lean into the comic angle and not make Henry’s condition afterwards seem too grave, in order to ensure the material wasn’t too dark for his young audience? (*mutters* again, a level of tender consideration for his readers’ youth that went right out the window when it came to small Black kids, evidently coz he couldn’t imagine that they read) Understandable, laudable — but if he outright refuses* to make the wreck too dramatic or scary then, well, then the wreck isn’t real scary or dramatic. And it can’t save the rest of the book from its flaws.

*For all I know it could have been the publishers who insisted that the wreck be made preschooler-safe, that’s possible (although it’s also consistent with Awdry’s brand of humor and his overall low degree of emotionalism in his writing). Either way, though, the end result book is what it is and it will be judged accordingly.

In addition to not being as exciting as many remember... @trainsupessandhuntresses asked me once if I thought some of Awdry's stories were "mean-spirited." I had to assent vigorously. And a surprisingly high proportion of those "mean" moments are in Henry the Green Engine? For some reason? It’s not just the racism. Awdry was not in the game to give Henry a deserved happy ending, he’d wanted to kill him off (the fuck?) and when his publishers prevented him (I don’t say this often, especially since I love how salty the Awdrys get about their publishers, but this in case good job, publishers!!) he wrote “TFK” with the primary motivation of giving Henry a new engine basis. Any soft or hearty emotions we get out of the deal are a side-effect — the only emotion that was fueling Awdry as he wrote this was spite, spite and a weird resentment towards his poor, long-suffering, invaluable illustrator. (I don’t blame Awdry for being frustrated that the engine illustrations were continually inaccurate or confusing, but I do think it’s weird to read all this great Henry material knowing that it was written with such poor grace.)

So his ‘happy Henry’ stuff feels perfunctory; his Percy interlude is just brutal (why did you have to drag Percy into Henry’s book purely to give him a fuck-up, a scolding, and a messy dunce cap?); Gordon’s savaging of Henry for being too happy after recovering from a near-death experience is such an incredibly low point for Gordon that it’s hard for me to accept it as canon (there’s being proud, boastful, and self-absorbed, and then there’s being the straight-up raccoon dumpster fire Gordon is in that scene). Oh, and I think “call the police [local constabulary, doesn’t bear firearms]” woulda probably a less reckless way of dealing with the rock-throwing youths than the sneeze of hot locomotive ashes, which of course the Fat Controller doesn’t like, that shit coulda been real dangerous! Mind, there are small rays of kindness throughout that do get me (the interactions between Henry and his crew feeling to me the least perfunctory and most heartfelt), but this is overall such a mean-spirited book. God. It starts off with such a gentle story (almost a non-story, if you’re in it purely for the “railway incidents” game and not character drama), but in short order the vibes just sorta suck. At least in other RWS books, when the vibes are off, they’re usually off near the beginning and then improve by the end. This one gets worse as it goes on. Oof. Don’t like that.

Also, the last page is sooooo lame. I suspect the publisher strong-armed Awdry into writing most of it so that at least the slur wasn’t on the last page of the book... and if Awdry had any idea of how much he’d just empowered Henry and all his fans in this book he shouldn’t have found it hard to find 50 extra words to sum things up. As it was, he’s just filling space and running out the clock, lol. Lame wrap-up. Boring. As usual when it comes to every little thing about this book, Britt and David closed this up better (mind, their closer – “He had taught Gordon and silly boys a lesson, with a whistle and a sneeze” – also sucked. But at least it was blessedly short.)

Didn’t you once list HtGE on a list of your favorite Wilbert Awdry books?

I did list it as one of the books that “at one time or another” have been my favorite in the series. Unfortunately in the case of HtGE, that was back when I really couldn’t read a story that I knew from the TVS without mentally substituting the adaptation into my brain as I read… largely overriding the actual text. Plus, everything I knew from TVS as a kid kind of automatically got a halo effect. Plus, I was super into Henry’s arc.

The first time I read HtGE after calming down and actually reading all the books as books... massive disappointment. There is such a gap there between what I'd thought the book said (all our incredible fanon work overanalyzing and headcanoning Henry and building this beautiful fantasy arc about disability!) vs. what it actually said (limp and careless writing, mean vibes, airbrushed n-slur, bad aftertaste).

I do think there is some stuff about the development of Awdry’s storytelling technique here that is interesting (again, Tom and Jerry superfans reading this, please shoot me a message!) but it doesn’t counteract everything else.

At least we’re over the racism stuff?

Nah, I’m not over it, actually.

#showed his whole ass #an rws book shouldn’t leave a nasty taste in your mouth #but! here we are #okay this rant was not as short as i thought it'd be #but again. there will be a proper analysis in the fullness of time.#henry the green engine (rws)#rws discussion #racism tw #slur mention tw

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