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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 3 years

Text

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle

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tigerkirby215 · 3 years

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5e Kayle, the Righteous build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jessica “OwleyCat” Oyhenart and Victor “3rdColossus” Maury. Made for Riot Games.)

You know I find it funny that I haven’t made a build for Kayle yet, given that I made Morgana awhile ago sort of as a spur of the moment thing. Despite the fact that I main support I really don’t play Morgana (can’t hit skill shots omegalul), but meanwhile I really like Kayle. She was one of the first champions I played along with Sona since I was told she was very similar to Terrorblade who was one of my favorite carries in DOTA 2. I dropped her for a bit after her rework but I picked her up again and she’s still super fun! I mean, shame she’s kinda trash in the meta.

Anyways it’s about time I make a build for her since Morgana was alone for so long, especially since she’s coming back along with Pentakill! Kayle’s probably the perfect character to play if you want to go Lawful Stupid, but out of respect for everyone else please don’t play her Lawful Stupid.

GOALS

On wings of fire, hope ascends - It’s the quest of all champions to eventually transcend mortals. Hopefully we’ll at least be able to fly after this.

Fire reveals truth - Kayle is also well-known for her Zealous attack speed, so we’ll need to be able to get out as much DPS as possible.

The worthy survive! - A little bit of Divine Judgement goes a long way. An explosion of flaming swords helps too.

RACE

This may come as a surprise to you but Kayle is an Aasimar. More specifically a Protector Aasimar, which is rather fitting seeing as she’s seen as The Protector in Demacia. As an Aasimar your Charisma increases by 2, but I’m going to increase your Constitution instead of the typical Wisdom increase from Protector Aasimar, for a bit more lane sustain.

You have Celestial Resistance to both your own Radiant damage and your sister’s Necrotic damage, have the Light Bearer feature for the Light cantrip, and can give yourself or an ally a Celestial Blessing thanks to Healing Hands. It only heals up to your level but it certainly helps!

You also get Darkvision and the Celestial language, and Radiant Soul at level 3 thanks to your Protector subrace, We’ll discuss that when we get to level 3.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - League of Legends body types, am I right? Sure you have a bit of an “evil must be purged” personality, but D&D Paladins like that a lot.

14; DEXTERITY - Something something medium armor. I would call what you wear Half Plate, which means that for once the choice of Medium Armor is accurate!

13; STRENGTH - This feels strangely familiar...

12; CONSTITUTION - Kayle is very squishy in League but I like not dying so...

10; INTELLIGENCE - You may have lived through history but most of that time was spent up in the stars. Basically we need everything else more.

8; WISDOM - Yeah I didn’t increase Wisdom with your racial increase because I was planning to dump it. Kayle’s fatal flaw is that she’s blinded by her sense of justice, which is a sign of poor Wisdom and critical decision making.

BACKGROUND

There isn’t a great background for “Half of the Aspect of Justice” but Celebrity Adventurer’s Scion works fairly well. You get proficiency with Perception as well as Performance (you were in Pentakill, after all!), a Disguise Kit (but I’d maybe replace that with something else or ditch it entirely), and two languages of your choice. (Pick your poison.)

Your background feature Name Dropping lets you tell people that your mom was actually a god. You might be able to find people who knew your mom (or more realistically worshiped her before... you know... you became half of her?) and folk might recognize that you’re... half a god, and give you free stuff.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee and Kan Liu. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting off as a Sorcerer because Kayle is about as useless as a level 1 Sorcerer at level 1. (Also because CON saves are nice.) But you can also grab proficiency with Religion (you are a god, after all) and Intimidation. (Because you aren’t exactly nice.)

Sorcerers get to choose their Sorcerous Origin at level 1 and Divine Soul is like being a Cleric but you get to dump your Wisdom because you’re blind to morality. You get one free spell from your Divine Magic and I guess Bless makes sense since its attached to Law? Honestly there are other spells I’d recommend (Protection from Evil and Good would be helpful, and you can’t go wrong with either Healing Word or Guiding Bolt) but it’s honestly easier to just take Bless and call it there.

But of course since you get Divine Magic that means you get Spellcasting! You learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list at level 1 such as Firebolt to smite the wicked, Sacred Flame for enemies with a lot of armor (but hopefully bad Dexterity), Thaumaturgy to make sure your words are heard, and Guidance because it’s good to provide aid to those who need it.

You also learn two spells from the Sorcerer list: we’ll be taking Mage Armor for the same reason you buy Doran’s Shield as a top laner (because laning phase sucks and you’re weak as hell at level 1), and we’ll also grab Healing Word for your Celestial Blessing. As a treat.

You are also Favored by the Gods, so if you miss an attack roll or fail a saving throw you can add 2d4 to the roll to potentially turn it into a success. Given that you’ll likely be making a lot of attack rolls later in this build it’s very useful to be able to give yourself some insurance.

LEVEL 2 - SORCERER 2

Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points equal to your Sorcerer level. For now all you can really do with them is get one of your spell slots back, but they’ll be more useful later on.

For something that’s useful right now take Ice Knife for the AoE burst of your Starfire Spellblade. Yes it does Cold damage, but you also shouldn’t have an AoE E by level 2. Hell you technically shouldn’t even be a ranged champion yet. We have to make compromises here.

If you want a single target Starfire Spellblade Guiding Bolt is a decent choice I suppose.

LEVEL 3 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers gain the power of the Aspects thanks to Metamagic. You learn two Metamagic options to change your spells in various ways: Quickened Spell will let you increase your attack speed to slay the unjust with Zealous fervor, and while it’s perhaps not the most practical choice Transmuted Spell will let you wield holy fire, instead of holy ice or whatever other damage type you pick up.

If you don’t care about doing specifically fire damage than Empowered Spell is a good choice to more effectively maximize damage.

As a Protector Aasimar your Radiant Soul lets you sprout wings as an action. For 1 minute you have a 30 foot flying speed and can add your Charisma modifier as Radiant damage to one target whenever you deal damage. It might not be much at level 3 but the extra damage from Starfire Spellblade adds up when you get more AP! Oh and to top it off you can also learn another spell like Misty Step, for Flash.

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements. Increase your uneven Charisma score as well as your Constitution score for nice, even, Lawful stats.

You can also learn another cantrip like Message to keep in team chat, as well as a leveled spell like Spiritual Weapon. Kayle summons hundreds of swords for her ultimate so I think it’s fine if you summon one sword for some more DPS.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 5

Normally I wouldn’t go out of my way to get 5th level spells but we kinda need Fly more than once per Long Rest. Sprout those wings or grant the gift of angelic ascension to an ally!

The bad witch Tasha also gave Sorcerers Magical Guidance, letting you spend a Sorcerery Point to reroll a failed ability check.

(Artwork by Zeen Chin. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 6 - PALADIN 1

I swear it wasn’t my intention to make two casters with Paladin levels one after another, but we’re doing it anyways because it’s not like Kayle wouldn’t be a Paladin. First level Paladins get Divine Sense to know of any villains who need justice, and Lay on Hands to save the righteous.

LEVEL 7 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins get to choose their Fighting Style. Normally I’d take Blessed Warrior for a character who’s more-or-less a pure caster but you kinda get too many Cleric cantrips as is, so we’ll settle for good ol’ Defense because you can’t go wrong with +1 AC.

Protection and Interception are also fine to help your friends if you’re willing to hold onto a shield (no reason not to), and if you want to do a funny joke you can take Blind Fighting because Justice is Blind.

But of course what we’re mostly here for is Spellcasting: sure you got the entire Cleric list at your disposal but Sorcerer spells known is very limited, so take the following from the Paladin list:

Command to force evildoers to grovel at your feet.

Detect Evil and Good to... detect evil and good.

Protection from Evil and Good to... yeah this is fairly obvious too.

Heroism to empower heroes.

Shield of Faith to protect the righteous.

You also get Divine Smite, which sure would be nice if you used your sword as a melee weapon. I mean if you want to hit someone in melee you can turn a spell slot into damage but I kinda have to wonder why would you.

LEVEL 8 - PALADIN 3

Third level Paladins get to choose their Sacred Oath. Honestly just about any Paladin Oath would work for Kayle, but an Oath of Redemption would probably be best after you failed to upkeep justice the first time. Along with adding Sanctuary and Sleep to your spell list you also get two Channel Divinity options: if you go for Emissary of Peace you can add a flat +5 to all your Persuasion checks for 10 minutes. But Rebuke the Violent works great as a recreation of Divine Judgment’s damaging effect! When a creature within 30 feet of you damages someone other than you they must make a Wisdom saving throw after you use this reaction. If they fail they will take the same amount of damage they dealt as Radiant damage, and if they succeed they will take half. This has no maximum limit so you can use it when an enemy nukes your allies to have them experience retribution! "Drown in holy fire!"

The vial witch Tasha also lets you Harness Divine Power with your Channel Divinity to regain a spell slot equal to half your proficiency bonus once per Long Rest. And finally you get Divine Health, because justice doesn’t take sick days.

(Artwork by John Yucedag. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement so cap off that Charisma modifier, because we’re building AP in this build. Maxed out Charisma also means more prepared spells, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 5

5th level Paladins get an Extra Attack which sure would matter if you were actually swinging that sword instead of shooting Fire Bolts and Sacred Flames.

But what does matter is that you get second level Paladin spells! Along with Hold Person and Calm Emotions from the Redemption spell list (you should perhaps cast Calm Emotions on yourself at some point?) you can prepare spells like Aid to boost yourself and your allies, and Warding Bond (Tasha’s work once again) to take some damage for an ally. (Which is almost like making them immune to damage?)

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 6

The only reason to multiclass into Paladin as a caster would be for Aura of Protection. Seeing as your Charisma modifier is maxed out already that means that you (and your allies within 10 feet) can add +5 to all their saving throws! I really don’t think I need to explain why that’s useful: your Constitution saves are now a +11 (meaning that if you take 22 damage or less you automatically succeed the Concentration check) and even your lowest save is still a +4!

You can also prepare one last spell but I’m actually going to take this time to remind you that Paladins are prepared spellcasters. Even though you have a relatively limited amount of Paladin spells be sure to swap them around to whatever’s the most useful for your task at hand. But if you must pick up a spell Detect Magic is never bad to have?

(Artwork by Alex “alexplank” Flores. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 12 - SORCERER 6

Now that the obligatory Paladin levels are done it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Hope your party didn’t expect you to be the support because you’re only now getting Empowered Healing to spend a Sorcery point and reroll any healing that you or an ally within 5 feet performs. I mean by total level 12 healing numbers will actually get pretty big, so this becomes a lot more useful!

But speaking of healing we’ll be getting not that but Haste instead. While you can’t use it too well (can only use it to make a weapon Attack, Dash, Disengage, Hide, or Use an Object) you can turn your allies into an avenging angel! As long as you can keep your Concentration which I mean... you have a +11 to your CON save.

LEVEL 13 - SORCERER 7

Unfortunately there’s no spell to make someone completely immune to damage for one round (while also still letting them move as normal except the 9th level spell Invulnerability that you can only cast on yourself) so we’ll just have to settle for Death Ward keeping the target you cast this on alive after reaching 0 HP. No rain of holy swords either unfortunately.

LEVEL 14 - SORCERER 8

8th level Sorcerers get an Ability Score Improvement and I think it’s about time for us to grab Metamagic Adept for 2 more Sorcery points to use on your Metamagic options like Twinned Spell to spread your wrath amongst all, and Careful Spell to avoid hurting those allied to your cause.

Speaking of AoE damage Vitriolic Sphere may do Acid damage but it’s a great recreation of the AoE damage of a high level Starfire Spellblade.

LEVEL 15 - SORCERER 9

Behold the might of 5th level spells! Remember how I was a little disappointed that you didn’t have the ability to make flaming swords rain down from the sky? Here you go: Flame Strike! Sure it basically does the damage of Fireball (and hey feel free to grab Fireball if you’re so inclined) but it has the holy flair that’s to be expected of Kayle.

If you want something more interesting than “Radiant damage Fireball” Dawn is also a good spell choice.

LEVEL 16 - SORCERER 10

10th level Sorcerers get another Metamagic option! Seeing as weve already got plenty thanks to Metamagic Adept one of the few options left is Heightened Spell to make sure your foes tremble beneath your might! You can also grab another cantrip like Prestidigitation for more generalized divine power.

And finally there’s also plenty of great spells you can take but Dispel Evil and Good probably fits Kayle the best. Now is a great time to remind everyone that you’re more than welcome to make your own Kayle, and while what I take may be “accurate” it’s not even necessarily what I’d build if I was making the character.

(Artwork by West Studio. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 11

11th level Sorcerers can finally ascend! I hope you kept your Paladin weapons because it’s time for Tasha’s Otherworldly Guise! Calling upon the power of the Upper Planes (or lower planes too I guess if you’re awful) you get:

Resistance to Radiant and Necrotic damage (which you already have. Oops.) (I mean Lower Planes would make you immune to Fire and Poison damage...)

Immunity to the Charmed condition.

A 40 foot flying speed.

+2 AC

The ability to use your Charisma to attack, meaning that you can finally swing a sword well!

And the ability to attack twice, which you already have.

And the cool part is that unlike Tenser’s Transformation you can cast spells and don’t Exhaust yourself after using this spell! If you want to finally use your Paladin levels to bright the fight to your opponents you finally have the power to do so!

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 12

12th level Sorcerers get another Ability Score or Feat and I’m simply going to suggest the Tough feat. Even if Kayle doesn’t usually build health in League you can, and d6 hit die suck when it comes to actually surviving.

What? Did you expect another spell known? Nah fuck you lmao WoTC says no to Sorcerers having spells.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 13

13th level Sorcerers can learn 7th level spells and while this may seem like a copout I have none that I really want for Kayle. Pick whatever you think would be the coolest since you can make your own choices by level 19. (My personal vote for Kayle would be Fire Storm but you are kinda loading up on AoE spells.)

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 14

Our final level is the 14th level of Divine Soul Sorcerer to finally ascend. You have Otherworldly Wings for a permanent 30 foot flying speed! You did it! You reached max level as Kayle! You’re now unstoppable!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Kneel before the light! - Your spells known go up to 7th level, and your spell slots go up to 9th. I really don’t think I have to explain that a full leveled caster is extremely powerful.

What is dark in me, I will illuminate - Even your non-spellcasting has great utility. Both your Channel Divinity options are extremely useful, and a little bit of Lay on Hands healing never hurt anyone. Not to mention your Aasimar transformation providing a flat +20 to damage every turn while it’s active!

I am your salvation! - Even if you aren’t running up in melee range Paladin levels do help a ton for staying alive. +5 to all saves is no joke, especially when it means that your Concentration save sits at a whopping +13! (You have to take more than 26 damage to even have a chance at failing your Concentration check!)

CONS

Why have we wings, sister, if not to fly? - You’d think a high Charisma would at least make you good at socializing but... no you’re not even that. Proficiency in the “mean” Charisma skills and mediocre ability scores in everything other than Charisma means you’ll contribute very little other than divine wrath.

Wings of Immortal Flame, lift me from mortal temptation! - How much flight is too much flight? Between your Radiant Soul, Tasha’s Otherworldly Guise, and you know... the Fly spell you have quite a lot of ways to take to the skies which all become near-completely redundant by level 20.

Celestial justice, guide my blade - Ironically enough one of the biggest issues with this build is how long it takes to get online. The Paladin dip may keep you safe but it’s not making you stronger, and I doubt you’ll be sitting beside your friends like a support. If you don’t mind praying to darker powers Genie Warlock is actually a great choice to get considerably more damage (and “attack speed!”) with Eldritch Blast and easily accessible flight by level 6 in Warlock. (Celestial Warlock also exists if you want more healing utility and want to stay in flavor.)

Of course weakness is something to shed as you come closer to divinity, but remember that even if mortality makes you weak mortals are not. Your allies will fight by your side and its your duty to protect them, as they shall no doubt protect you. Treat them with respect and vanquish evil together! Because no one likes a lawful stupid top laner.

(Artwork by Atey Ghailan. Made for Riot Games.)

#dnd #dnd 5e #dnd build #dnd guide #League of Legends #League of Legends Kayle #angel #avenging #avenging angel #light #wrath #dnd sorcerer #dnd paladin #Pentakill

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tev-the-random · 4 years

Text

What it Ursa took her children with her? - Pt.2

As we were saying:

Little over year has passed since the family arrived in Hira’a, and fateful news gets to them: Ozai remarried. His new wife is someone who is honoured to marry the Firelord and doesn’t mind the fact that his head is so deep up his own arse- anyway, and they are expecting a child, who is to be the Firelord’s legitimate heir.

Azula’s hopes and dreams are shattered. At age ten, she is quite literally being replaced in her beloved father’s life. It’s like she’s never even existed, and she can’t help but wonder what she did wrong.

Zuko is also upset, of course. All those years when Ozai told him he was unfit and worthless come flooding back. But somehow, he already expected things to turn out like this. Unlike Azula, he wasn’t so deeply feeding on hopes that things would go back to normal. He sees it more as a situation that was out of everyone’s control.

He convinces Azula it’s not her fault, and these kids will still be trying to understand and defend their father later down the road. There must be a reason for all of this, right? They start thinking of a reasonable scenario…

Ursa just feels sorry for the poor woman who has to deal with Ozai now.

So we get a timeskip: about three years came and went. Zuko and Azula – treated as kids and not as weapons – lead a peaceful and happy life whenever they’re not thinking of their father and everything they could be doing out there.

They have become known local troublemakers in their spare time. Kids know better than to challenge them, people know not to leave flammable goods out in the open – a strict policy regarding fireworks has been established after a chaotic incident – and failure to keep an eye on them this one time led to… well, let’s just say that the town is still unsure of whether or not they’re is being haunted by evil spirits.

They aren’t allowed anywhere near Forgetful Valley, but bold of you to assume they never tried. In-jokes arise.

‘No, I’m serious: that tree’s face looked exactly like yours, Zuzu. You really should befriend it,’ Azula mocks, remembering a particularly ugly tree they encountered in their adventure.

‘Sorry, I wasn’t looking at it. I was busy looking for whoever it was that asked you,’ Zuko retorts. ‘Since Forgetful Valley has all the kinds of crazy stuff.’

‘Maybe we should go back and look for your impulse control, then.’

‘None of you are going back in there,’ Ursa reprehends. ‘It was very irresponsible of you. Forgetful Valley is a dangerous place, you could have gotten hurt!’

‘Your mother is right, you know?’ Noren comments. ‘I’ve been to that jungle before, and it’s definitely not a playground. But I swear…’ He makes a dramatic pause. ‘I once saw Ursa’s sense of humour in there.’

The kids burst out laughing while Ursa sighs. ‘Since you can find such amazing things in the valley, dear, why don’t you go back there and find yourself actual funny jokes? I’m sure my sense of humour will be around the same corner.’

*More laughter*

(IDK, I write crappy comedy, ok?)

They still have a bit of a hard time making friends. I wouldn’t say they are shy, but they definitely have a talent to say the wrong things at the wrong times, and it’s hard to make deep connections. Sure, they would play with other kids from time to time, but in the end, Zuko and Azula are each other’s best friend.

They’ve cleared an area by the beach that any Hira’a resident knows to stay away from when they’re training.

Azula discovered a great passion for theatre. Not only are her acting skills fantastic, she also seems to be naturally aware of what makes a good scene. People say she’s Noren’s Little Assistant.

She hates being called Noren’s Little Assistant. She would much rather be called Ursa’s Little Star, because goddamn is she a good actress and she needs everyone to know that.

Zuko is more of a plant-lover guy. Unfortunately, he hasn’t inherited his grandmother’s green thumb, and despite Ursa’s best efforts to teach him, it seems like everything he touches dies.

He has grown to show a way with animals, however. Any variety of frogs and toads love him; lizards of all kinds are attracted to him like he’s a magnet; furry animals big and small adore him and any type of bird-like creature seems to think he is the best human being in existence. But his favourite animals are still the turtleducks.

Back in the palace, Iroh eventually learns of Ozai’s bullshit and how he got the throne in the first place. And you know what? The time has come for Iroh to draw a line in the sand. He confronts his little brother, who confronts him back by telling him that, should he try to tell anyone in the Fire Nation the truth – that Ozai was a top-grade traitor who actually had no right to the throne –, no one would believe him. Since his brother won’t be sensible, Iroh decides that’s it: he’s fucking out.

Now a fugitive from the Fire Nation, he somehow winds up owning a lovely traveling tea shop called the Jasmin Dragon. Most people don’t even suspect he is the fearful Dragon of the West, because he’s just so nice?

You can bet he serves blends of tea from all across the nations.

The tea shop is also a good cover up for his exchanges with the Order of the White Lotus. He gives and receives information, and does his best to help villages to either defend themselves or evacuate during Fire Nation attacks.

One day a member of the White Lotus travels to Hira’a for one reason or another and finds Zuko and Azula. This person then sends a letter to Iroh.

Iroh comes to Hira’a to visit the family. He’s glad to see they’re ok, even if he can’t stay for too long. But long enough for some Quality Time – these kids have grown so much!

Iroh doesn’t know of Ursa’s part in Azulon’s assassination, and only assumes she knew of Ozai’s plan. But now, it’s time that her children learned a couple of things, and he is willing to teach them, so that when the time arrives for them to meet their destiny, they should be able to choose wisely and face whatever comes their way. So he asks the children to accompany him in his travels.

Ursa doesn’t want to let them go. They’re children, they should be here living a peaceful life, not meeting some grand, dangerous destiny! What if something horrible happened to them?

Iroh understands the pain of losing a child. He doesn’t want to make Ursa spend her time worrying about losing two, so he respects her decision and soon leaves the town.

But the siblings are not about to just sit here when they know they’re destined for something greater. What incredible knowledge did their uncle hold? Did their father have something to do with this? They always knew there was more to their fate than just living in Hira’a for the rest of their lives, and this is their chance; it’s now or never.

Zuko and Azula are about to sneak out and follow Iroh when Noren spots them. But instead of trying to stop them – he is well aware that he can’t – he gives them two masks and some advice about never forgetting who they were.

Why yes, I am saying that they eventually take the masks and become partners in crime, Zuko as the Blue Spirit and Azula as the Red Spirit, because parallels.

They catch up with their uncle and adventures and shenanigans issue as Zuko, Azula and Iroh cross the Earth Kingdom.

Now imagine this trio: two of the most awkward firebending teenagers travelling with their old tea-loving uncle, who spits proverbs like he’s made of them. The possibilities for both hilarious and heart-warming moments are endless.

Iroh thinks himself a matchmaker. Whenever he thinks he sees some romance going on, he encourages his nephew or niece to make a move. His flaming cupid arrows do more damage than good, yet he only has good intentions at heart. Teens all around the kingdom encourage you to stop, sir.

Their new life is even more humbling than in Hira’a, since they are constantly travelling. But they manage, and they know their uncle is nothing but wise… even if Azula is still quite arrogant and manipulative, and Zuko is impatient and hot-headed, which can lead to a lot of conflict.

Iroh teaches them both how to create and redirect lightning. Zuko is better at redirecting than Azula. Creating it, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated, and both of them get their fair share of explosions while learning. Neither of them really gets a hang of it – although Azula is better at it than Zuko, that’s not saying much – for they still have a lot of identity-related turmoil inside them that won’t let them grasp the energy.

Guess who else teaches them? Other members of the White Lotus. Both Zuko and Azula get some swordsmanship Skills™ from Piandao, some different (and somewhat unwillingly taught) firebending technics from Jeong-Jeong and a lot of things from Bumi, including but not limited to: creative thinking, the art of patience, strategic planning, dealing with pirates and a surprising amount of rocks-related knowledge.

Bumi adopted Zuko and Azula and gave himself the role of Second Uncle. You cannot convince me otherwise.

So one day, little over a year after the siblings joined Iroh, they wind up in a city where this big circus is performing. Uncle Iroh decides to take his niece and nephew to see it. And oh, aren’t they surprised by who they see performing?

Even though Ty Lee was essentially the only one between her sisters to befriend Azula – and consequentially, the only one to periodically spend time in the palace with her –, Zuko and Iroh still have a hard time distinguishing her from the six other girls who look exactly like her, uncertainly calling her all different names before Azula snaps ‘you idiots, that’s Ty Lee!’.

The acrobat is so glad to see her friend again, because damn: it’s been nearly four years since they last saw or even heard from each other! And Zuko, I thought you were dead? This is such a neat reunion, there’s so much for them to talk about! And sure, the circus has to leave soon and so do the siblings, but Ty Lee reassures them that, if they ever needed her, she wasn’t hard to find. This isn’t the last we’ll see of Ty Lee.

Azula doesn’t let it show, but she resents Ty Lee a little bit for choosing to abandon her noble life. She really wishes she could have had a choice.

Uncle Iroh tells the siblings stories about the war that would have some day mesmerized them. But now, his opinions about those events and what he did as a prince general have changed; that, along with what the family sees in their journey – all the horrors brought to innocent people – gives Zuko and Azula a new perspective on what they used to think was a greater good. It will still take a while for Azula to understand that no, these people are no lesser than her and for Zuko to understand why any of that matters.

Iroh eventually tells them the truth about Azulon’s death. Or at least, what he knows of it: their father killed Azulon, banished them, took the throne by force and planned to gain more power at the expense of everyone. This is a lot to take in, and the siblings don’t quite believe it.

After four years thinking about it, Zuko and Azula decided to take their mother’s early words – they went to Hira’a to be safe – and formulate what for them was a reasonable scenario. They believe that Ozai never actually wanted any of this to happen. The whole family had to have been in danger, be it due to some political, social or personal threat, and Ozai wanted to take it all by himself to protect them. So he sent his wife and children away, concocted a plan with Azulon to cover for them and, once Azulon died and left him the throne, remarried to keep appearances. To Zuko and Azula, this makes perfect sense. And they thoroughly convince themselves of that.

They initiate an argument, thinking that Iroh is jealous of Ozai.

Their uncle sees these children are starting to stray from their path, but he knows this is a necessary journey for them. They will never be able to deal with reality unless they face it.

The siblings leave Iroh, planning to head straight to the Fire Nation capital and find out what really happened. Maybe now that they are older, it would be a perfect time to come back home; they surely could defend themselves from any threats.

Of course, they’ll be very disappointed to know that Ozai was just a bitch and never actually cared for any of them.

I don’t have a full formed idea about how their reencounter with their father would go down, but I say Ozai would officially banish both his children from the Fire Nation for trying to cause a commotion – which could easily be perceived as a threat. Not only that, but Zuko and Azula are the children of a traitor; cue for Ozai revealing what happened that night four years ago, confirming that he was the one to kill Azulon with Ursa’s help.

I also think that, after that day, the Firelord would have discreetly helped spread rumours about Ursa that would drag her name through the mud in the Capital – was she cheating on Ozai? Was she selling Fire Nation information to the Earth Kingdom? Was she planning a coup against the Firelord? Her crimes change from mouth to mouth. In the end, no one would take Zuko or Azula back unless Ozai wanted it. But he doesn’t. Not now, at least…

But Ozai also decides to play with his options: he plants a seed of doubt in his children’s minds; should they prove themselves useful later on, it would only take pulling a few strings for them to come crawling back to him. So he tells them that they needed to prove themselves for everyone to see that they weren’t traitors like their mother. They needed to prove their worth so that he could accept them.

Ozai goes a step further with Azula and tells her that, before his demise, Firelord Azulon had a plan. A plan to bring her back and put her in the leading, prestigious role she was always meant to get. But they needed to wait for the right time. There is a right time, Princess Azula. Your hopes were right all along, they will come for you eventually if you prove yourself.

The siblings have a lot to think about while they’re leaving the Fire Nation. They idolized Ozai so much all these years. But the undeniable truth came crashing down on their heads, spoken by the man himself. What would they do now? They didn’t think it possible, but their harsh actions made things so much worse: they couldn’t come back to their mother, they didn’t have many hopes of running into Iroh again, they can’t even set foot in their homeland anymore; Zuko and Azula are all on their own.

Maybe it’s time to turn a new leaf. It starts with them being fairly neutral, not completely loyal to either the Fire Nation or to the rest of the world. During this period, they would argue a lot about what to do or where to go next, getting separated and going their own ways before destiny makes them stick together again, over and over.

They manage to get a few deals and own a few favours here and there, become known thieves as the Spirits, and maybe meet up with Ty Lee’s circus every now and again. Life is hard.

But there is one thing that is about to be a beacon in their darkness…

Time to catch up to the show. Oh, you thought I wouldn’t go there?

Part 3 coming right up!

(I know I said this would be a two-parter, but it got ridiculously long, so I split it again. Three-parter now.)

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catgirlthecrazy · 4 years

Text

Imposter Syndrome

Fanfic partially inspired by episode 161, and also these excellent bits of Archivist Sasha AU/Not!Jon related fanart by @skyberia

AO3

Summary: Martin doesn't have much left of the real Jonathan Sims. He doesn't even have a face. Not a real one. Just a recording on a tape recorder.

************************

"Come on…" Martin strains against the super glue cap. "Come on." The damn thing won't move. Frustrated, knowing it's a dumb idea but with no better ones to hand, Martin grips the cap between his teeth and twists.

"What are you doing?"

Martin yelps and fumbles the glue bottle. He frantically grabs for it, but his flailing arms just knock the tape recorder off the table and send it clattering onto the floor. He scrambles to pick it up. Please don't be broken, please don't be broken. There doesn't seem to be any damage. No new damage, anyway.

(He fails to notice that the record button was pressed on by the fall)

Jonathan Sims, Martin's fellow archival assistant and target of an extremely inconvenient crush, raises an eyebrow at him. "Um, sorry, I didn't see you there. You startled me." Curse Jon and his inconvenient good looks. He'd always had a weakness for dark hair and hawklike features.

Jon grunts. "I suppose that's to be expected, given the circumstances." He glances around the storage room. "No worms?"

"What? No, not in here, anyway. I've seen a few around the institute. Been stomping on all of them. Kind of satisfying, really."

Jon grimaces. "Lovely. You never answered my question by the way."

Martin racks his brain, but the last few minutes are a fuzzy, giddy panic to him. "Sorry, which question is that?"

Jon makes an inpatient noise. "What you were doing just now." He motions with his hand.

Martin glances at the tape recorder. "Oh, that. Just trying to fix the tape recorder."

"You? Fix a tape recorder? I thought your degree was in parapsychology."

Guilt gnaws at his insides. Martin does not want Jon thinking too much about his qualifications. "It's nothing complicated! Just one of the buttons broke off. Thought I'd try and glue it back on." He looks at the glue bottle morosely. "Or at least, I was. This seems to be glued shut."

"And you thought you'd pry it off… with your teeth? You do realize that's a good way to end up in A&E with your mouth glued shut." The raised eyebrow is back. He's good at that. Unfairly good at it. It makes Martin's insides leap with excitement. It also makes him want to curl up in a corner and die of embarrassment.

"I know, I know, it was stupid. I'm just frustrated, I guess."

"Understandable, I suppose. Not exactly pleasant accommodations here in storage." Jon pauses. "Are you alright down here? Do you have everything you need?"

"What, me? Oh I'm fine. Totally fine. No need to worry about me." He laughs nervously.

"I believe current circumstances have proven there is plenty of cause to worry." Jon coughs and looks away, his cheeks darkening. Martin has to suppress a lovesick grin. Jon always does this when he crosses his own personal definition of professional boundaries. Which as far as Martin can tell, encompass pretty much anything approaching genuine friendship. Not that Jon is very good at staying inside those boundaries these days. Not since the Prentiss incident.

"Anyway," Jon says, recovering himself. "Do you still have those files on Pinhole Books? Sasha said she'd assigned them to you." He's all business now, as if he hadn't just unbent enough to be outright friendly.

"Those? I think they're somewhere in my desk. Why?"

"Just looking into a few things related to Leitner."

"Alright. I'll try to find them after lunch."

Jon nods, and starts to leave, but hesitates. "You might want to try hot water." He leaves.

Martin heaves a heartfelt sigh. Then he realizes the tape recorder has been recording the whole time.

***

Months later, Jane Prentiss attacks. Jonathan Sims flees into Artifact Storage to hide. Something else comes out.

***

"Here you are Martin."

Martin blinks bleary eyes at the steaming mug that's just been set in front of him. He looks up to see Jon, a kind expression in his eyes. "You made me tea?"

"Of course." Jon smiles down at him. "You do it for me often enough. Seemed only fair."

"Wow, um. Thanks." Martin sips the tea. It's brewed exactly how he likes it: hot and strong with plenty of cream and sugar. "This is… this is really good!"

"Glad to hear it. And how've you been doing? It must be good to have your own place again."

"Not bad. Got a new flat not far from the old one." He'd lost the lease on the old place during his months in the archives. Not that he could have stomached going back there. There might still be worms. "Still unpacking boxes from the old place. At least the neighbors are quiet."

Jon nods. "Say, Tim and I were going to step out a bit early for drinks tonight. You want to come?"

Martin straightens. "Y- yeah, that'd be great." At that point, Sasha pops in with questions about the Herbert Knox file, and the conversation ends. Jon gives him a little wave and wanders back to his desk.

It isn't until later that Martin realizes: the rushing giddiness is gone. He'd had an entire conversation with Jon being nothing but nice to him, and his insides hadn't done one single swoop. He's still plenty fond of the man, but only that. Is his crush evaporating already? That was quick. Martin had expected to be pining after Jon for months yet.

It's probably for the best. Nothing would have come of it, except possibly Martin making a fool of himself. More of a fool of himself. And really, it's remarkable Martin ever had a thing for him to begin with. He doesn't usually go for blond hair.

***

Sasha takes Tim and Martin out to lunch. That's not particularly unusual. Jon is out following up a case, so he can't come, but that's not unheard of either. It isn't until she leads them away from their usual place and towards a park that Martin worries. He's not at all prepared for what she tells them.

"What do you remember about 0070107? Amy Patel's statement?"

Martin and Tim glance at each other. "That's the one where her neighbor was eaten and replaced by an evil drain pipe, right?" Tim said.

"I remember something about… changing photos?" Martin ventures.

Sasha pulls out a tape recorder. She doesn't look at it as she presses play. She doesn't even look at them. She's staring at some indefinite point in space to Martin's left, like it's a window to hell. The recorder plays.

"You're aware it's pronounced Kuh-ly-o-pee, right?" A man's voice, acerbic and dry, that Martin doesn't recognize.

"Really? I've always heard it pronounced ka-lee-o-pee." Sasha's voice.

"I suppose technically there's no correct pronunciation. But the organs are named after the Greek muse Calliope, so…"

Tim frowns. "Isn't that Leanne Denikin's statement? Who's that you're talking to?"

Sasha closes her eyes. "Jonathan Sims. The real one."

***

It takes them a week to find a way to deal with NotJon. During that week, Martin has to pretend that nothing has changed. That he isn't aware that his coworker and one time crush has been replaced by this… thing that calls itself his name. Martin has to smile when he says hello. Thank him when he brings tea. Laugh when he tells a joke. Just like normal.

(Were any of those things normal Jon behavior?)

Sasha's background in artifact storage provides the answer: an old diving bell with a penchant for disappearing people to infinite crushing depths. In his nightmares, Martin can still the the way the thing distorted, when it realized it had been caught. The way its limbs stretched into a grotesque parody of the human form as dark water sucked it in.

And then… things are normal again. There isn't even a police investigation. Jon apparently had no surviving family to raise a fuss about his disappearance. They get drinks, but even that is hard. It's hard to remember which of their fond stories belong to the real Jon, and which to the imposter.

***

One day, Martin finds an unmarked tape in the storage room. Thinking it's an old poetry tape he forgot to label, he pops it in a recorder to play. He could use a pick me up.

It's not poetry. The recording starts with a loud clatter, like the recorder being dropped. Then, Martin's voice. "Um, sorry, I didn't see you there. You startled me ."

"I suppose that's to be expected, given the circumstances ." A man's voice. Acerbic and dry. Martin can't breathe. He remembers this conversation. The voice on the tape is saying all the words that Martin remembers. It's not the same voice.

How long has this tape been sitting here? NotJon had hidden all the tapes containing the real Jon's voice, but apparently he'd missed this one. If Martin had found this earlier, if he'd managed to keep his poetry tapes in some kind of order for once … But Jon had already been dead by the time Martin had first met the imposter. His research on the NotThem made that abundantly clear. They might have caught on sooner. But it wouldn't have saved him.

"You never answered my question by the way."

"Sorry, which question is that?"

God. Had it really been that obvious, how much he'd liked Jon? Martin on the tape sounds like his head has floated off like a child's lost balloon. Jon's annoyance is audible even via tape. He remembers recognizing it as cover for genuine concern. It's so totally unlike the kind, smiling man Martin has known for the past year. How the hell did he never notice the switch?

Maybe he had. Hadn't his crush dissipated around that time? That makes Martin queasy to think about, but he clings to it anyways. That crush might be the truest thing he has left for Jon.

"Are you alright down here? Do you have everything you need?"

Martin blinks away wet, stinging tears. He remembers clear as day the kind and concerned look on Jon's face as he'd said these exact words. Except… those memories were fake. Had the real Jon looked at him like that? What would that even look like? Martin still doesn't know what the real Jon looked like. All he has is Melanie's vague description ("Short. Greying hair. Bit of an arsehole. Definitely not white."). All Martin's photos show only the imposter. He hasn't been able to find any Polaroids. God knows he's tried. He spent a week tracking down old yearbooks and photo albums and anything else he could think of. Plenty of photos of the imposter at varying ages. Nothing else.

Martin tries to construct an image of Jon. Take the few details he does have and paste them over the memories of the imposter. It feels less real than the fake.

Maybe that's the real horror of this monster. When someone you care about dies, you can normally take comfort in your memories of them. The NotThem has stolen that from him. No, worse than stolen. Corrupted. Taken Martin's memories of Jon and plastered them over with a false, smiling face.

All he has now is a tape and a voice.

#tma #the magnus archives #jonmartin #archivist sasha #notjon #my fanfic #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #my post

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daedae127 · 4 years

Text

Help me; Bang Chan

a/n:

alright, this is actually the first time I've written an x-reader, and I wrote it in one sitting at 2 am lol. Just a reminder, this isn't edited because I'm a lazy person. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this, anon.

Warnings: mentions of blood, a little bit of a steamy scene (it lasts for like two seconds), and swearing.

Bang Chan x Gender-neutral reader

You sighed, stepping into your apartment and taking off your boots. The mask was next, and you rubbed at your eyes. It really was exhausting being a super villain, you thought. Your muscles ached, and all you wanted to do was soak in a steaming bath and sleep. You were about to do just that, when your stomach growled loudly. You groaned.

I should’ve had something other than a breakfast bar this morning.

You headed to the kitchen, deciding to make something simple, like ramen, so you could just sleep. You filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove, turning the burner to high. While the water was heating up, you started to unzip the skintight suit all super heros and villains wore for some reason. They were honestly such a pain, and you’d rather go around causing havoc in drawstring pants and t-shirts, but hey. You didn’t make the rules.

A loud crack startled you, causing you to drop the package of ramen you were holding. You cursed. The weather had been extra shitty that day, and just when you thought it was starting to clear up, it got worse. Great. The kettle started to whistle loudly, and you quickly turned the burner off and poured the boiling water into the ramen. It would take awhile to cool, so you headed to the bedroom to get more comfortable clothes on.

You finished stripping out of your suit, hanging it in the very back of the closet. Just as you were pulling on a pair of sweatpants there was a loud crash from outside. It sounded like it was on the balcolny. You sighed heavily, and peeked out of the window to see what it was.

Oh shit.

There was a tall figure slumped against the door, and they were obviously hurt. Blood was dripping down their face, and fuck. It was Chan. Your supposed arch nemesis, who you definitely didn't have a crush on. You just thought it was fun to tease him. It so wasn't fair that he still looked hot, even when covered in blood-

Shit. He was covered in blood. How the hell did that happen?

You quickly opened the screen door, because even if he was technically your enemy, you didn't want him dead. Chan moaned softly, and you barely caught him when he went down, promptly passing out.

"Seriously? You show up and ruin my carpet, and then faint and leave me to drag you inside?" You shook your head, trying to convince yourself that you weren't worried, it would just be boring if something were to happen to Chan.

•••

Oh, who were you kidding, you were worried sick. It had been about three hours since Chan fainted, and he was still out cold. You had given him a towel bath, getting as much blood off of him as you could. You'd also had to give him stitches in a few places on his torso.

You also left his mask on, because while you wanted to know his identity, you didn't believe is playing this dirty.

Now he was tucked in your bed, warming up and wearing one of your old shirts. Why did the guy have to be that toned, jeez. It wasn't fair, you decided, especially when you were trying your best to ignore the feelings blooming in your heart.

You sat down beside Chan, studying him while he slept. You wished circumstances were different. Maybe if he were a villain, or, God forbid, you were a hero, it could work out.

You sighed, reaching for your mask incase he actually did wake up. You tied it nice and tight, and while you were definitely going to have marks on your face for days, you'd rather him not know who you were.

You looked over to him, wondering if you should tie him up, but quickly decided against the idea. It would only injure him further, and that was the last thing you wanted.

"Do I sleep, or do I stay up and watch you. I do have to make sure you don't like, kill me or anything..." You stopped. "Jeez, why am I even talking to you. You can't even hear me."

You flopped down, pulling up a blanket over your chin. "I'm going to trust you. Probably not smart, but I'm exhausted. I have a regular job, you know, and it was a shitty day, so please go easy on me."

And with that, you fell asleep, not noticing Chan's eyes watching as you did so.

•••

When you woke, it took you a few minutes to realize what position you were in. When you finally did, you cursed as loudly as possible. "What the actual fuck Chan, I saved your damn ass and this is how you repay me? By tying me up on my own bed?" There was no response.

You groaned, testing out how strong the ropes around your wrists were, before noticing that your mask was still intact. Well, you supposed, at least he had enough decency to keep this on.

It was slightly surprising, but you chose not to linger on the subject for too long.

It was then you noticed Chan leaning heavily against the doorframe, looking wary. "Well, well, well," you drawled, "I see that you're very appreciative of my help. You would be dead if I hadn't seen you on my balcony."

Chan rolled his eyes under his mask. "You were the closest person I could think of. That doesn't mean I trust you though."

You shivered, closing your eyes. Why did he have to be so... so perfect, and hot, and-

And let's not forget that fact that he tied you up. "You know Chan, I would have gladly agreed to be tied up for you, all you had to do was ask,"

Chan shook his head, sighing. "Be quiet, please. My head is pounding."

You groaned. "Release me. I took you in, didn't I? I'm not going to try anything funny, I promise. Please Chan, the ropes are way too tight, and even though I like to tease I won't try anything. I'm losing feeling in my hands."

It wasn't a lie, your hands were getting a bit numb. On a normal day you'd continue to tease and mock him, but you were just too tired. Chan seemed to sense that, and he slowly nodded. "...fine. But mark my words, if you try anything you'll regret it."

You nodded quickly, flopping your legs around. "Just let me go, damnit."

He limped to the side of the bed, and carefully unknotted the ropes, letting them fall to the floor. You looked up at him. "Thank you. Now, care to explain why you showed up here in the middle of the night covered in blood? Actually, how do you even know where I live... I thought I was discreet."

Chan let out a small chuckle. "Stop pouting, it's a bad look on you," he ignored the indignant sounds you let out, and sat on the bed. "and it's really none of your business, ___."

"You made it my business when you ruined my carpet, jackass. And you didn't answer my question. How do you know where I live?" You were starting to get a little annoyed with him.

Chan shrugged, then winced. You had to restrain yourself from asking if he was okay, if he needed anything, if he wanted you to kiss him better. Wait no, that’s not right. You didn’t like him, and that was the end of it.

“I have my ways. Besides, I’m actually pretty sure I know who you are.”

Wait, what?

“You work at a children’s hospital, don’t you?”

Shit, he’s onto you.

“I don’t even know where the damn children’s hospital is, Chan. Also, I don’t have the time to carry out my ‘evil deeds’ and take care of-” you forced your face to scrunch up in disgust, “kids.” There, that should take care of that.

But of course it wasn’t that simple.

You yelped as Chan suddenly pushed you onto your back, head banging into the wall behind you. “What the fuck mate, I thought we had a truce or something-” Chan rolled his eyes so far back into his head, you were momentarily worried that they’d get stuck. Sadly they didn’t, and as always he had a sassy comeback. “You know, ___, you’re a really bad liar. Especially when you’re flustered.”

Well Damn. He was fighting dirty, but two could play that game.

“Oh come on,” you murmured, rolling your hips up to meet his. His cheeks turned a pretty pink, but he stayed unmoving over you. Ouch, that really had to hurt with all of his wounds. “I don’t think I’m the flustered one here, babe.”

Chan scoffed. “If only you could see your own face.”

Oh fuck, why did he have to have such a sexy voice.

You looked away, trying to get your thoughts in order. You were surprised when he took hold of your jaw gently, so that you were looking him in the eyes. Chan smiled. “___... can I kiss you?”

You stuttered. "Chan...I want this. More than you could ever know, but..." You shook your head. "We don't even know each other. I can't just hook up with you and pretend it didn't happen."

Chan looked confused, and you wanted to cry. Of course he didn't understand, he didn't feel any kind of romantic feelings towards you. You gently pushed on his chest, and he moved to lay beside you.

You were surprised when Chan spoke.

"My real name is Christopher. I mean, I like to go by Chan with my friends in Korea, but Chris is my real name. Apart from making your crime life difficult, I'm a producer for a small company."

What. The. Fuck.

Chan, (Chris?) just fucking told you who he was. You could easily out him to the whole world, telling people that their favorite hero was a part time producer. They would probably find that charming.

But you wouldn't. And he knew that. That's why he told you.

"Well?" he teased, "are you going to tell me who you are?" When you hesitated, he spoke again. "You don't have to, you know. But seriously, please don't tell anyone. I'm trusting you with a lot here. I want this to work."

You nodded slowly. "I.. I'm ___ Lee." He looked at you with a weird look. "I know I know, not the most discreet name, but it was all I could think of!" Chan laughed and you pouted, turning away from him. He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you back to him.

"I swear to god Chan, if you hurt yourself more I will personally drag you out of my apartment."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Chan just laughed again, and you rolled your eyes, holding back a smile. You turned ro face him, hesitating just a moment, then reached behind you and took off the mask covering your face. Chan's eyes widened, but he hurried to do the same.

With the mask off he looked...well, he looked just as you'd always imagined. Not that you had imagined this situation, of course not, but it was so...nice.

You looked at each other for a few moments, just taking it all in. Then, Chan moved forward and kissed you softly. You kissed back, placing a hand on his cheek. When he pulled back, you whined, reaching to pull him in again. Chan shook his head, laughing quietly. "You're so impatient. Let me at least take you out first,"

You stuttered. "I wasn't- I just wanted another kiss, jackass."

He laughed again, his eyes full of mischief. "I'm just teasing you...but really, I want to take you out. I want to get to know you, and we can figure out the rest later."

"I...I want to know you too." You snorted. "This is so unethical, you know that right?"

Chan grinned. "What did I say. We'll figure it out later. Right now I just want to kiss you again."

You rolled your eyes, leaning in. "You should rest. I had to give you a few stitches, and I don't want those to break, if they haven't already."

He nodded. "Yes dear, whatever you say, dear."

"Oh, fuck all the way off."

You sighed contentedly, snuggling close to him. You could definitely get used to this.

《End》

#bang chan #bang chan x gender neutral reader #fanfiction #oneshot

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nymph-of-books · 4 years

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I can't use the cut because Tumblr so don’t scroll down further than the first ten numbers if you want to do it yourself!!

I was tagged by no one hehe i just found this and thought it'd be fun!! Pick 10 ships without reading the questions! 1. Piper and Annabeth (Riordanverse) 2. Artemisia and Maile (The Ash Princess series) 3. Abby and Leah (Simonverse) 4. Clarisse and Silena (Riordanverse) 5. Natasha and Yelena (Marvel) 6. Anne and Diana (Anne of Green Gables/Anne with an E) 7. Ty Lee and Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender) 8. Hestia and Athena (Greek Mythology) 9. Luna and Ginny (Harry Potter) 10. Catra and Adora (She-Ra) Yes I did use only wlw ships what about it? (Questions under a cut.) Tagging: Anyone!! I WILL BE DISCUSSING THESE SHIPS SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET SPOILED DON'T LOOK FURTHER Questions! 1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6? Hmm, as I started shipping it in the series, it was probably that episode where they were either seperating from each other or reuniting?? anyway, there was this moment that diana said that she'd never love anyone like she'd love anne, and then anne replied in a shocked tone, "you love me?" "of course i do." i probably didn't quote this perfectly so don't kill me 2. Have you ever read a fanfiction about 2? Haha no, I wish, the Ash Princess fandom is practically non-existent :( 3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr? Honestly, I haven't seen much fanart of Ruegard!! But I normally don't have ships as my pfp/icon/screen saver 4. If 7 were to suddenly break-up today, what would your reaction be? I mean... they technically did,,, even though they're not canon... 5. Why is 1 so important? Honestly, their dynamic as canonical best friends is incredible. They're literally the brain and the heart, and they cannot live without one another. 6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship? It's a cute ship but they have their angst!! 7. Out of all of the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry? HAHA i can't answer this honestly but pipabeth/1 was the first that came to mind. 8. Out of all of your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond? Honestly? My first answer was 5/Yelenat 9. How many times have you read/watched 8’s fandom? I can never read enough greek mythology!! 10. Which ship has lasted the longest? I can imagine Hestia x Athena/8 has been shipped by Ancient Greeks, so I'd say them! 11. How many times, if ever, has 2 broken up? They kissed once?? So they never really broke up. 12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8? 8 are literal goddesses, so they'd win because of immortality. But never underestimate 2. 13. Did 5 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason? Yeah the MCU are homophobes. Or maybe they're canon we do not know yet. 14. Is 4 still together? I'm lowkey crying right now. R.I.P. Silena, even though they never were canon. 15. Is 3 canon? Yes! They're a bisexual power couple :) 16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win? Again, 8 are literal goddesses, but I don't think 3 6 and 9 would win out of everyone. To be honest, they're all lesbian power so they'd all win together :) 17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 10’s ship? I mean,,, they've both almost been killed a bunch of times. And Glimmer was flirting with both of them at some point. Glitradora anyone? 18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond? Honestly? Probably Leah x Abby. They're from my favourite book so... 19. Do you spend hours a day going through 1’s tumblr page? Yes! 20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she´d break them all forever, which ship would you sink? 4, since it's not canon and will never be. R.I.P. Selena :(

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jq37 · 5 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 5

The One With Garthy O’ Brien

Welcome back you guys and a special shoutout to all of y’all who are fans of FH and CritRole. I don’t know about you but Matt and Brennan basically shaved a full year off of my life between Wednesday and Thursday with their DM machinations. Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that, but we can at least tackle the FH stuff so let’s jump right in.

Last we left off, the gang had just arrived at the floating pirate city of Leviathan. Pirates immediately start hauling them in and everyone turns to Fabian for a cue on how to react (at the exact same time, hilariously). Fabian tells them all to be mean and he makes a pirate cry immediately. Wild.

They meet Jemina Joy who is a very cool Warforged (living automaton) pirate and also the boatswain of the city (pronounced “bosun”, they’re the boss of the crew and all the stuff on the boat, I was very into Monkey Island as a kid). One of her arms is a cannon and I need you to know that. Anyway, Fabian name drops his dad to try and get them some respect. It goes pretty OK but not as well as Adaine simply pointing out Cathilda’s presence. Jemina fully takes the knee and calls her, “Cathilda the Black, Terror of the Celestine Sea.” Fig helps Cathilda disguise herself so she doesn’t draw any unnecessary attention. Despite the clout, Jemina still says she’s seizing the boat (it seems like they do this to get materials to keep the city afloat). Fig tries to move her with the power of rock because of course. She hits at 23 on a 20 DC check for that because of course.

While she’s doing that nonsense, Adaine and Riz are--as always--trying to keep the party alive. Riz rolls a high perception check and noticed a pretty boy tiefling watching Fabian looking all hero worshippy.

Thoroughly swayed between the name dropping and the rock and roll and the Cathilda of it all, Jemina offers to let them buy the Van-Boat back. Fabian, as always, is ready to throw any amount of cash at the problem and Adaine, as always, is trying to be responsible with their cash. After a hilariously long sidebar (which includes Fig, who introduced herself as a very famous rock star, saying they should “Act the part of the pauper,” which is a wild turn of phrase to just drop out of nowhere) the tiefling from before shows up and pays for the Van for them. He introduces himself as Alistair Ash and tells them that he paid with rocks magick’d to look like gold for ten minutes so they better book it. They have another long sidebar about whether they should pay or not with Adaine and wildly Fig on the side and of paying. They pay and Alistair agrees to take them to see Garthy O ’Brien (the pirate Bill had been dealing with).

On the way to see Garthy, the gang finds out that Allister is a warlock, his patron being none other than the damned madman himself--Bill Seacaster. Hilariously, Bill doesn’t take his charges souls. He makes them do microtransactions for their spells and recruit others like it’s a pyramid scheme. I don’t know what he’s gonna do will gold in HELL but it is on brand, I’ll give him that.

A random dwarf calls Riz a slur so Fig and Kristen get him to jump to his death by turning into him and telling him he’s been dead for ten years, respectively.

Normal D&D stuff.

Anyway, they make it to the Golden Gardens which is Garthy O’ Brien’s casino/brothel/resort (“Pirate Moulin Rogue” is how Brennan described it) and we learn that Brennan specifically made this character to F with the chat because they are this beefcake, non-binary, aasimar/half-orc, tatted-up, succubus. My chat is usually on like a couple of seconds lag and I could have timed exactly how long the lag was by glancing over and counting off the seconds until the horned up comments started flooding in. You knew exactly what you were doing here Mr. Lee Mulligan.

Garthy invites them in for drinks, drugs, and use of the facilities where Kristen accidentally takes the drink of a mindflayer (think, humanoid Cthulhu-monster). He’s James Whitlaw, Captain of the Crimson Claw and enemy of Bill Seacaster. The group tries to smooth things over but Fabian Sparta kicks him in the chest after he drags Bill. There’s a bit of a tousle but Garthy shuts that down before it can get out of hand.

Post fight, the group questions Garthy and here are the highlights of that discussion:

They were supplying Bill with Palimpsests. Doing dead drops like the group assumed.

The last time they were at the hotel, they got told by the new staff (ie: the demons in disguise) that Bill wasn’t coming and when Garthy wouldn’t play ball with them, the demons attacked them and took their pouch of gems. Garthy says the demons were probably there to ambush them for their gems. They especially wanted the Sapphire but was useless to them because it already had a Celestial inside of it.

The demons had been summoned and bound to the material plane by someone very powerful.

Garthy doesn’t usually get gems from the Red Waste.

Garthy has heard of the Shadowcat. They can’t see the Shadowcat in the pic (just Pok who they say is cute). Alistair also can’t see Kalina.

Garthy tells Fig that, like they already knew, it would be super hard to break Gorthalax out. It would be hard for them to do, even considering curse breaking is one of their specialties.

The crown of the Nightmare King passed through the Gold Gardens recently, brought by--surprise, surprise--Adaine’s mom. Adaine’s mom was coming in to get a curse broken--one placed on her by the crown. With it broken, she’d be able to handle it more easily. She tricked Garthy into doing it without revealing exactly what the curse was and was kicked out once it was revealed. Garthy’s not sure where she went but they know she was frustrated that she couldn’t just teleport there (because she hadn’t been there before and didn’t have a description of it). She left on a Falinel-bound ship.

Garthy says Gorthalax is likely in a lot of pain in the gem he’s in.

The demons needed the gem for some kind of ritual sacrifice (namely, the one with Riz and Fig).

Also, Kristen is fully drunk for all of this.

Post info-dump, Van-Boat (whose actual name is Zathriel btw, more info from Garthy) mindlinks with Gorgug to tell them that a fight has broken out. Gorgug has the Van drive towards them. The group pays for a suite and then Riz, Fig, and Adaine fly over to the Van (with Tracker following in her spectral wolf form). Riz jumps in the front seat, takes the wheel from Gilear, and commits a ton of vehicular manslaughter. During the fight, Sandra-Lynn gets shot and falls off of Baxter. She almost goes down but Tracker catches and heals her.

They all make it back and proceed to reenact the house party scene from that one John Mulaney sketch (“a bunch of drunk toddlers”). People are getting wasted. People are getting tattoos. People are doing drugs. Kristen is riding Tracker like a horse (the G rated way, tyvm).

Then, uh, something not super chill happens.

Sandra-Lynn gets totally wasted and decides she’s gonna teach Fig (who is a little cagey about if she likes anyone by the by) how to flirt without the use of disguise self and such. She decides she’s gonna demonstrate on Garthy which she does. Successfully. Sandra-Lynn who is in a relationship that is monogamous as her request.

The drunk toddlers are herded into a room by Fig and Kristen. Kristen has Tracker cast the Moon Haven spell on the room and Fig and Adaine go to Garthy’s room to make sure Sandra-Lynn isn’t in trouble or anything. She’s not in trouble (yet) but, based on the way she’s clearly hastily redressed, she’s clearly about to run into some. Fig books it out of there, mortified.

Fig and Adaine lie about where they’ve been to Gilear and then they report back to the group. Tracker--who is pretty out of it at this point--sleepily asks who Sandra-Lynn’s been kissing. Everyone realizes, Oh no, Jawbone is poly but the relationship is supposed to be monogamous. Big yikes. Kristen feeds Tracker a mumbly lie about how Sandra-Lynn is kissing Jawbone that I really hope doesn’t blow up in her face because then it will be the hat trick of main relationships imploding in as many episodes. Kristen and Riz go back to Garthy’s room because Kristen wants to cast something (Detect Good and Evil, the result of which we don’t see this ep--though I feel like it would have to ping Garthy since they have celestial blood, right?) and Kristen notices that someone cast Clairvoyance on her and Riz, meaning someone knows they were outside.

Meanwhile, Fabian sneaks off to Crow’s Keep to be an emo pirate boy and talk to his dad while staring out into the sea. He’s suddenly surrounded by cloaked figures. Brennan rolls a bunch of dice, triggering Lou’s fight-or-flight, before revealing the cloaked dudes are just Alistair and the rest of his warlock friends who are all huge fans of their patron’s son. And we don’t get to find out what, if anything, they want from Fabian until next ep because that’s where Brennan ends the ep.

Detention

Sandra-Lynn for Cheating on Jawbone

OK, there’s a lot to unpack here.

I’ll start by saying we technically don’t know if she went through with it or not since Fig interrupted her before things could very far but we know she got naked which is more than far enough to be a betrayal imo.

And it’s so wild because she for sure could have been in an open relationship. She’s the one who stipulated monogamy.

On the one hand, I appreciate that Brennan is playing these NPCs as human (“human”) and failable and realistic but on the other hand, man I can’t stand cheating. And it’s not like she hasn’t cheated before. That’s, like, a major plot point. But it’s easier to gloss over something that happened a long time ago and we didn’t have to witness in real time.

Like, this isn’t good. It’s not gonna be good for the group. She forced Kristen into a position where she has to lie to/keep secrets from Tracker potentially. Also, Tracker is a wolf. There’s a non-zero chance she’s gonna be able to smell what happened. Do you really want one possibly both of the healers on the team mad at you? And they weren’t just dating They’re LIVING TOGETHER. And not just together. Together with like five--pending six--children (and pending one adult). That’s a lot of people that are gonna get forcible sucked into your drama.

And poor Jawbone. I know he’s a trooper and he’s def been through worse but just because you can deal with something, doesn’t mean you should have to.

Anyway, Adaine said it best: Sandra-Lynn is both more and less cool than I thought she was.

Honor Roll

Riz for His Driving Skills

I couldn’t tell you why but the phrase, “vehicular manslaughter” is so inherently funny to me. Riz hitting a nat 20 to just mow down all the attackers in his path was hilarious.

Note: I also could have given this spot to Garthy but I’m a little ambivalent on all the enabling of awful but hilarious life choices.

Random Thoughts

Adaine trying to blend in by saying ahoy to everyone and getting a tricorner hat from her jacket was so good (big props to everyone who drew that, especially y’all who also gave Boggy a hat). Also, I’m glad she’s been using her jacket more in general so she’ll be more likely to remember it in an emergency.

@jamiebluewind made this really useful post with the descriptions of all the new characters and the tats the Bad Kids got which you can find here.

Also, @ttttttterrence shouted me out during the livestream so I’m returning the gesture. What’s up man!

I like that when the group is discussing how to split the cost of the suite, Fabian is just like, “I got it, don’t worry.” He clearly takes pride in being able to throw money around for his friends.

Fabian, who has for sure seen Cathilda in action during a fight: Maids can’t kill.

Ally’s amused disbelief at the phrase, “Act the part of the pauper,” was sending me.

Adaine: There’s no way you’re an only child.

OK, this isn’t totally related to this ep, it’s more a point about FH in general that I don’t think I’ve brought up yet. How does a fantasy high school work in a world where races age at vastly different rates? Like goblins have a max age of about 60 and reach adulthood at 8. Meanwhile, elves reach physical maturity at the same age as humans but because they live to be like 700+ years old, they’re not considered adults until, like, the age of 100. At first I thought they were ignoring racial aging differences (like I do when I write fantasy I can’t be bothered with the implications usually) but in this and last ep, they were brought up. And I thought it might be that we were saying what everyones’ ages were in human years but, based on the info we’ve heard (like how far back Pok died for example) their ages have to be in normal years. Which brings me to theory 3: everyone ages physically and mentally at the same rate as humans to adulthood and then some races just decline more quickly than others afterwards.

Fig: I sink into a deep depression.

Alistair has an adorable cockney accent and he might be a little bit of a sociopath but let’s put a pin in that until next week. Oh, also, I was so sure he was gonna be Fabian’s brother too, just like half the table.

Brennan so good at adding things in for flavor to make the world cooler. What prompted this comment is him saying that as Tracker travels in spectral wolf form, a forest path appears at her feet briefly. Very cool attention to detail.

Bill running a MLM warlock system where you pay by the spell is so, so funny. I actually am not sure if the MLM aspect of it was planned or if someone (one of the girls I think) said it as a joke and Brennan ran with it but that’s extremely funny.

I know how leveling works in the above-game for balance but, in game, I feel like there’s no reason Bill and Gorthalax shouldn’t give everyone a level of Warlock. That would get them all 2 cantrips (eldritch blast, mage hand, and chill touch are options) and 2 level one spells (charm person, hellish rebuke, and charm person can be clutch).

Speaking of, I almost feel like this episode was setting up Fabian and Gorgug to multiclass. Fabian’s dad being a patron is a prime opportunity for him to get some warlock levels (and it would be very good for his aesthetic. I mean, magic pirate? Hell yeah). And Gorgug later in the episode says something like, “I could fix the van so fast if I had magic.” I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a level in a caster class soon.

“Did you learn your magic in a book?”/”Yes!”/”Oh, lah-dih-dah. I can read.”

Fig: Adaine is the best at armies!

Forget if I mentioned this before but I’m very pleasantly surprised that Adaine’s mom is such a driving force this season. She’s one of the characters we explored the least last season which was a bummer for me because I really wanted to know what was going on in her head. Looks like we’re close to getting some insight soon. I’m guessing we might have another ep or half ep until we get there unless something else happens to sidetrack the group.

I glossed over it in the actual recap but Fig casting disguise self on herself to look like the dwarf who was picking on Riz was just some peak Emily with an assist from chaos monster Ally. Here’s the scene. What’s funny is I thought I knew what Emily’s thought process was (If he sees himself, he’ll very likely be thrown off his rhythm) but then she was like, “I wanted to be someone from the area and he’s the only guy I’ve met.” Lol, bold of me to assume I have any idea what’s going on in her head.

Adaine and, by extension, Siobhan just casually knows what a forecastle is (it’s “a raised deck at the bow of a ship”). Also, Brennan uses the word susurrous which means “full of whispering sounds”. That’s twice I had to reach for my dictionary (by which I mean Google).

The whole concept of Garthy is extremely cool and I’m specifically talking about race. I’ve never heard of a half-orc aasimar because in fantasy books it’s usually the humans getting it on with everyone and making half-whatever babies but there’s no reason a half-orc couldn’t have celestial ancestry. The idea of a risen devil is also very dope and something I’ve only seen once (and as art, not in an RPG context--Edit: Actually, I’ve seen in twice. In one chapter of Ah My Goddess, Hell sticks a demon onto the main goddess to try and corrupt her and she ends up purifying the demon which was wild when I read it in high school but you’re not here for me to go off about my comfort manga so let’s keep moving). The idea that there are “bad” gods and so their opposition, their “demons” would be essentially angels is very clever and something I hadn’t really considered. Also the phrase “The job is the fuck people into being decent basically,” is really A+. Well done Brennan.

Also, my knowledge of CR Campaign 1 is very spotty so this may be very off but I feel like Brennan watched a bunch of Gilmore scenes and then snorted a line of coke before he created Garthy.

Kristen: I’m proud of the choices I make.

Emily: They eat brains but also drink beer?

Captain Whitlock has a peg leg tentacle on his face that he tries to face touch Kristen with and Tracker is not having ANY of that. “Under no circumstances.”

Poor Fabian, giving an awesome speech to Captain Whitlock and then rolling a 1 on his Sparta Kick. Luckily, Gorgug hit a 26 on a DC 25 challenge to give him the help action so Fabian didn’t eat it.

Sidenote, we learn there used to be a pirate king but Bill killed him. Sounds about right.

I’m even more convinced that the rule is people who have seen Kalina before can see her in the picture after the conversation they had about it in this ep. Glad they decided to puzzle it out some more--even though I think it’s a little iffy to be spilling all your info to a pirate you literally just met (especially Fig--closed book my ass).

Garthy mentions again that the NK defies categorization--something that came up in Adaine’s research. I’m wondering how that’s gonna come into play later.

“I could tell you a very sweet lie, which is more my style.” I really like Garthy and I hope that continues to be the case.

Gorgug: That would be pretty disruptive...Yeah.

“Your name’s Van-Boat.”/”No!”

Riz, right before a nat 20 to commit Vehicular manslaughter: Get out of the way Gilear. I’ve killed people before, it’s fine.

I loved everyone being like, “Gilear you killed people! You’re officially an adventurer!”

Gilear, with the intensity of someone a firefighter has just pulled out of a burning building: I need the frog.

Tracker does like a crazy blood-brother type ritual for healing which is interesting because you’d think that would be bad what with the werewolf-ism but I guess it’s just through biting.

Fabian and Ragh peer pressuring Riz to do snuff, Ragh actually getting him to do it with a hippie speech about mind expansion, and Riz getting high as hell and getting Memento tats all over his body (NIGHT YORB--also, Sklonda is gonna LOVE this I bet) is such a wild series of events.

Kristen casts a spell on Gilear so she’ll take all of his damage and he starts getting hurt the second he’s out of her eyeshot. Wild.

“I cast friends on Gilear.”

I am going to murder Brennan for that cell tower gag.

Sidebar: I don’t have a picture of the Leviathan map but if someone has it someone I’ll post the link here for anyone who could use it.

And while we’re side tracked, shoutout to the dude who made this song based on Gorgug’s last ep. The line, “My girlfriend's really mad and she's also a goat” is truly golden.

Oh! And someone randomly gifted me a twitch subscription to dropout! If you’re on here, thanks somePloops!

Kristen and Tracker getting neck tats of each others’ names is just so so much.

Also, let’s pour one out for the fan-artists of FH that are also fans of CR and had to watch half the cast of both getting tatted up in back to back weeks, making any canon drawing that much more complicated.

I don’t think I fully realized until this ep when Adaine was the only sober one of her friends in a bar reading a book how closely she’s tracking my high school/college experience. Her, “Everyone is drunk by which I mean everyone but me is drunk,” killed me because I have said that verbatim on so many occasions. Watching Siobhan play Adaine is like, therapy by proxy for me.

“I am a child.”

Adaine, lying badly: I have also taken drugs.

Kristen has a stealth of -3. Woof.

Fig, Adaine and Riz each got nat 1 20 this ep. Fabian, Gorgug, and Adaine each rolled a nat 1 but Fabian’s was cancelled by Gorgug and Adaine’s was on initiative.

#fantasy high #fantasy high live #dimension 20 #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #report card

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arcanemoody · 4 years

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Gotham Secret Santa

Title: Songbook

Author: arcanemoody Tags: Season 5, post-S05E07: Ace Chemicals, Bickering Like an Old Married Couple, Referenced Past Trauma, Pre-Slash, Developing Relationship, 78prm, Happy Ending Summary: Whatever Ed needs, he can have. Oswald isn’t sure how he can make that any clearer.

For @ckatattack for the @gotham-secret-santa. I hope you like it!

Oswald sorted bolts at his ally’s behest. He helped push the tables together in the library, cleared the combined space so that his partner could work on the engine of the submarine while maintaining a clear view of each schematic. All while humming to himself and emptying boxes of scrap on the side table designated for his work; filing bolts, screws, and other detritus into separate piles and compartments for easy retrieval.

Contrary to the accusations Edward liked to throw at him, he hadn’t intended for his old friend and enemy to be doing the majority of the work -- conceptualizing, working from schematics, redesigning schematics. Oswald himself found none of this intuitive, and had hoped by making himself scarce, Ed's progress could continue uninterrupted. His 10th-grade shop teacher had said once, with a screwdriver in his hand, Oswald Cobblepot was essentially a gremlin. He couldn’t even wire a lamp from a kit; couldn’t sand or carve the blocks used to make a simple standing clock. And his lack of technical acumen was matched only by his inability to commit to physical labor. A submarine was seriously outside his expertise. Seeing to their cargo and procuring the niceties and basic needs his colleague eschewed in favor of managing his labor was much more his speed. He checked on (and added to) their pile of treasure. He made sure Ed had decent food and untainted water. He sorted bolts. He worked very, very hard to tamp down any indignity he felt in each task.

"Are you humming Dinah Shore?"

It took a moment for him to realize that Ed was addressing him. "What?"

"That song. What are you humming?"

Oswald shook his head, slightly dazed. "I-I don't know. It's just something I remembered… maybe from one of my mother’s records? Put it in a box, tie it with a ribbon—'

“...would surely fill the deep blue sea,” Ed finished in his gentle tenor. “That's Dinah Shore.”

“Is it?” Oswald shrugged. “Huh. Well, if you're that desperate for me to not sing it, I think I must have the actual record somewhere.” Ed’s brow furrowed.

“78RPM? Red label? Columbia logo?”

“I think so.”

“That‘s my record, Oswald!” he shouted, taking a large step forward.

His brain froze up in the way it tended to do nowadays any time Ed leveled an accusation at him, grappling with whether it was warranted and whether the vehemence required a match in tone. This did not. He took a deep breath.

“Technically speaking, it’s my record. I bought it.”

“Yeah, along with the rest of my records, my books and my clothes,” Ed shot back. “Well, excuse me for wanting you to feel at home when you got out of Arkham!”

The lot at the police auction had been purchased through an intermediary -- the same intermediary that made a hefty donation to the policemen's union under the name of the Van Dahl living trust. Oswald had known that if the GCPD had felt free enough to use his name to trap Edward into a confession, they would probably be vindictive enough to refuse his name on a purchase order.

"And anyway, since you left them all at the manor, I'd say that still makes them mine.”

“Technically speaking,” he replied, mimicking Oswald’s earlier tone. “I didn't leave.” “You certainly weren't living there when I got back!” The air in the house had been stale the day he and Fries forced the front door open. Only the kitchen had maintained its normal, spotless, lived-in atmosphere, due to Olga’s continued employment, salary operating on an automatic deposit. The rest had fallen into a cluttered disrepair that illustrated the descent of Riddler’s madness.

“I wasn't not living there.”

“Of course not. You were on the run. Well, you were 'not living there' just enough that I gave Ivy your room.'

“No you didn’t.” Ed’s statement was dismissive rather than outraged. Not an accusation; a fact. Confirming that he had evidence to back up his claim.

“How do you know?” Oswald asked, curious.

“Because when I went there in March, my room was as I left it.”

March.

Two months before Sofia had been taken out for good.

When Riddler had broken him out of Arkham, the purple panel coat with the fur trimmed collar (flattened now and in desperate need of dry cleaning) had been slung across the passenger seat of the truck. The coat he had left in Ed’s apartment after Galavan’s murder, the coat he’d subsequently gotten back after the GCPD delivered the lot from the auction. He had been too preoccupied at the time to question its presence or how Ed might have retrieved it when Oswald himself had changed the locks a year earlier.

“You broke into my house!” “It was hardly breaking in — the windows weren’t even locked,” he paused at Oswald’s shocked expression. “I never did it when you were home. Just after you were arrested and, later, when you were squatting at Falcone’s place.”

“Right, because that makes it better! What were you even doing there?”’

“Looking for my things, mainly. I wore the same suit for months and it wasn’t like I had a lot of loose change to throw around, even with Lee’s help.” “So you turned to house breaking. How clever of you.”

“One house. And I didn’t take anything that wasn’t already mine.”

‘Just as before.’ Oswald flinched at the thought, turned away. He shook his head, rubbed his eyes, refrained from upturning the table with all of the bolts he’d sorted. One could afford to pick one’s battles during a long-form escape attempt. .

“Well you can go back for your precious record collection any time you like! If the front door is still on the hinges, I’ll even loan you my key.”

Said key disappeared from his keyring two days later, around the time Oswald found the library work space empty.

-- He did not turn up to sort bolts, shuffle schematics or retrieve provisions for Edward the next day.

Or the next day.

He arranged trades. He drank wine on Barbara’s sofa, listening to her talk through the physical transformations of her second trimester and Lee Thompkins’ warnings about high heels being a fall risk and, therefore, a risk to the fetus.

“As if I would ever fall,” she scoffed.

He refrained from stating the obvious, pouring himself another glass to avoid grinding his teeth.

On the third day, he turned up to an empty room. He sat waiting in the empty library long into the evening. The sun was setting, filling the room with an orange glow when a member of his security team turned up, an anxious expression on their face.

“Boss.”

“Where is he?”

-- First Bank of Gotham. A historic granite and lime building measuring half a city block on the edge of the industrial sector on the north side.

The Court of Owls had done a good job of hiding their centuries-worth of dirty work in plain sight. Post-No Man’s Land “restructuring,“ the alley where he and Edward had made their bloody escape two years earlier was on the edge of Firefly’s territory, frequently disputed by Fries’ minions staking a claim. The odds had been in Firefly’s favor recently and Bridgit, to Oswald’s surprise, allowed him to pass through with barely a nod of encouragement.

“String Bean entered through the southwest staircase. My scouts say he’s been there a while,” she lifted her mask, giving him a pointed stare. “You’ve got an hour, Pengy.”

Oswald nodded, leaving his guards under his former housemate’s watchful eye (and flamethrower). This was Firefly being sentimental. He knew it wouldn’t last long if they overstayed their welcome.

There were more stairs than he remembered. Each floor opened onto a circular hall of doors with the door knobs either broken or missing, papers and files scattered, the mundane facade of an centuries-old evil organization that still needed three floors of pencil pushers to move their assets and occasionally serve as cannon fodder. Oswald remembered their holding cells being on the sixth floor, close to the roof. The trip to the ground level had been a whirlwind of improvised carnage -- guards, personnel, people in uniforms, people in office wear, he and Ed and tore through everyone on their way out, before crashing onto the pavement outside, covered in the blood of violent rebirth.

He found Edward on the fourth floor, door ajar on what had once been a holding area, dilapidated desks and disabled security gates, loose wires where key panel locks had once been. Long legs folded into a too small office chair, eyes downcast, his friend’s visage brought a lump to his throat.

“Reliving old memories?” Oswald asked, annoyed even as the fear and agony he’d been holding in check all day melted from him.

Ed didn’t look up.

“Edward?”

Another long moment passed before he finally spoke.

“I found my overcoat,” he said, gesturing at the pile of green plaid slung over the crook of one arm and draped over his lap. Nearly two years in dark storage, no doubt covered in mildew, dust mites, and other unspeakable things.

“Were you looking for that recently?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I hadn’t even thought about it, or this place in quite some time. I was looking for scrap steel for the outer panels, maybe some extra supplies... I took a notion once I realized where I was. Have I been gone long?”

“Six hours.” Eight, though Ed didn’t need to know just how early Oswald had turned up to the library.

“I couldn’t find any of your stuff. Or anything that looked like it might be yours. Sorry.”

Oswald did his best to contain his reaction, that Ed had done something thoughtful. For his sake. He winced against the ripple of familiar warmth, butterflies. Things he could not afford in the midst of a long-form escape attempt.

“It doesn’t matter. Are you ready to go now?”

Ed nodded, walking half a step behind as they descended back down the stairs.

“How long were you their prisoner?” He asked, after they had crossed the perimeter, doubling back twice to avoid whatever shadows Ed seemed positive were following them. The sun had long since set and what little light they had was from the security teams flanking them, throwing long shadows on the broken pavement.

“Before you arrived?” Ed shrugged. “A few weeks maybe? I was interrogated before they put me in the cage. It was difficult to keep track but not impossible. It wasn’t like Arkham -- their objectives involved keeping me alive. Though what keeping me alive meant in a city they wanted to destroy is anybody’s guess.”

Probably holding his sage intellect in storage for future endeavors, as Barbara had. Oswald felt angry on his old friend’s behalf as well as himself. He hadn’t been interrogated -- just sedated, stripped, and thrown in a cell. For the formerly missing mayor of the city, it was beyond insulting.

Ed wasn’t finished.

“They gave me haloperidol so they could question me. That was bad. I was still detoxing at first -- that was worse.”

“From what?”

“Amphetamines, mostly. And whatever psychotropics Tabitha gave me. Withdrawal symptoms ideally shouldn’t last as long as those did. I tapered off to avoid complications with my heart muscle, adrenal glands...”

Oswald held his breath.

Following Riddler’s progress after his death had been difficult from the distance of Ivy’s greenhouse hideaway in Bludhaven. Even after returning home, tracking headlines and articles stopped at a certain date, bleeding into coverage of the mayor’s disappearance. One of those articles included a grainy shot of Ed leaving a press conference at city hall, face a mask of composure, but for the downward cast of distressed brown eyes in rubbed gray newsprint.

He knew Ed had tripled his original kill count in less than two months. And that he’d kept the authorities on the run right up until Jim Gordon decided handing him over to a cabal with designs on child abduction and mass murder was a charming notion. That Ed himself had crossed that threshold virtually without a fight.

“...why?”

“I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Uppers tends to do that--”

“I didn’t want to sleep,” his tone took on a sharp edge and he was glaring at Oswald again. “I don’t even know why you’re asking me. You know exactly how long I was there. You went to Jim first. You always go to him first.”

That jab… felt oddly personal. Oswald wondered what he was missing in that accusation— the narrowed gaze and the resentful pinch to his mouth. Never mind that Jim Gordon was the one who arrested and subsequently reported the “Riddler’s” escape and Ed, a forensic investigator, should have known the importance of following clues.

“If I could gauge what Jim knew, I had a bead on what the rest of the GCPD knew and I could plan accordingly. So, yes, I went to him. And he lied to me and I knew it -- just like I always know when he lies to me. The man has a terrible poker face.”

“So do you.”

“So stop playing with me,” he said, choking up. Having his own methods questioned was galling. And it wasn’t as though his talent for shallow subterfuge hadn’t fooled him once— back when Ed cared about him and a blind spot was established. Memories that brought a salty weighty to the back of his throat and behind his eyes. “Did you even find out ‘who runs Gotham?’”

The question was flippant, almost cruel. Ed’s answer was not.

“That and more,” he replied, somber, almost pensive; enough to deflate Oswald’s ire.

“Well. Good for you, then.”

“There are things they told me,” he said, serious now, neither chiding nor angry. “...I can’t talk about it. Not yet.”

Oswald kept his eyes on the dark path ahead, tried not to think about what could be worse to talk about than his anguish over the deaths at Haven or the almost blissful oblivion of his first murders. A distant part of his brain reminded him that it could be still another play, but he had seen Ed devastated enough over time to recognize truth from fiction.

“Okay,” he nodded.

“Things that involve you.”

“I understand. Save it if you want, Ed. You can tell me whenever you want to or hang onto it forever. I don’t care.”

The walk back to the library seemed longer than before. Oswald was surprised that Ed continued to shadow him even as the streets (what had once been streets) diverged and he headed in the direction of city hall.

“Don’t disappear again.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re not capable of scaring me!” he said. Patently untrue and Ed knew it, too. “Anyway, I thought you might have gone to the manor.”

“I tried that first,” he replied, producing his keyring from the pocket on his boilersuit. “Yesterday.”

“And?”

“I want to say the front door is still on the hinges, but I couldn’t get more than a few yards away to look. Nature seems to have taken back a good portion of your father’’s estate and... some of it was not happy to find me there.”

“Ivy. Well, it’s good to hear that she's kept up her hobbies,” he laughed, breathlessly. Guilt was rare and pulsed dully in the same pained spot in his stomach where heartbreak loved to dwell. The teenage plant maven had kept Oswald company when he had wanted no one near him and he’d rewarded her generosity of spirit with contempt and vitriol. Forgiveness was, as ever, too high a price to ask for. He’d have to settle for just knowing she was alive.

“Hang on to the key, anyway. We may need it eventually.”

If they ever went back (and if Ivy killed him on sight), Ed would still need to get inside the house.

—

After the bolts and the sonar, after Penn’s arrival and subsequent dispatch, aborted departures and new arrivals and scrambling to recover what they could from the bottom of the river, they managed to fight through the vegetation and rehome the manor.

Oswald arrived with lunch one afternoon and found a 78rpm in a battered paper sleeve on the dining room table. He reached out to touch it, wondering briefly if it was a trick of his remaining eye.

“Ed?” he called out.

“I found your record,” Ed said, closer than he’d initially guessed, initially in his blind spot and then moving over to his left side. No longer disputing ownership. “Not here. It turns out the library’s music archives weren’t completely depleted.”

Oswald smiled, turning the record over, noting the red label, the Columbia logo.

“Do we still have a working turntable?”

Ed smiled, amused, offered an arm to guide him.

“Back here.”

It took more than a few breaths to blow the dust off both record and player, more than a few minutes to turn the crank on his father’s old gramophone without overwinding, and finding the appropriate place to drop the needle. The voice that warbled out was familiar in a way that conjured images of his mother’s living room, frying onions in the kitchen, the sharp bite of paprika and heavy salt in the air… none of which echoed Ed’s place in his mind.

“This isn’t Dinah Shore.”

“No, it’s Doris Day,” he replied, a hint of amusement breaking through what, no doubt, had to be a heavy sense of injustice (Ed’s impeccable brain turning on him yet again). “I got the song and the label right but the vocalist wrong. Such an obvious detail to miss.”

Oswald shook his head, reaching out to take his partner’s other arm, squeezing lightly.

“It’s an easy mistake,” he replied, his non-bandaged eye focused on his dearest friend’s shifting expression; dark eyes misty, a hint of a smile. “No worries, my friend.”

Oswald watched Ed swallow, feeling an answering squeeze on his arm. The two of them leaned against each other, swaying, almost in a dance. Oswald hummed. -- A/N: The song Oswald sings is “Put ‘Em in a Box, Tie ‘Em With a Ribbon,” sung by Doris Day. Ed’s thinking of “Love That Boy” sung by Dinah Shore (and actually misremembers it with a lyric from “Mad About Him, Sad Without Him”). Both were released by Columbia in 1947, Doris is singing about taking romance and chucking it in the river, while Dinah is still in the bloom of loving someone from afar, alternately delighted and miserable.

#gotham secret santa #nygmobblepot #my writing #my fic #happy solstice

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internaljiujitsu · 4 years

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5 Realizations That (Finally) Got Me Off The ADHD Treadmill

I used to hate reading books. I did it anyway but couldn’t last more than five or ten minutes before dozing off or having my mind dart away to distant lands. Like the skinny kid with no appetite that had to force feed himself to pack on muscle, I shoved books into my brain because I hated the idea of not being well read more than I hated reading.

As a kid, I often left things undone. — or worn out to the nub. After beginning enthusiastically, I’d soon lose steam and beat myself from pillar to post for quitting. I’d always hang around through the torture just to avoid the sting of giving up again. Once the interest was gone, whatever I was doing became pure misery. This would inevitably lead to mental and physical breakdown, as every cell in my body rejected the reality my mind was accepting.

I got good grades and excelled athletically but always thought I could do better. There seemed to be a gear missing — the one that I just knew could take me to a place that felt right. If I were just better, more disciplined and able to focus more — but I didn’t think I had it in me.

Back then, I didn’t know I was working with a slight disadvantage. While medication has played a crucial role in managing my ADHD, and no doubt would have made a massive difference in my childhood, it’s been just as important to build coping and productivity skills. While ADHD makes it difficult to work for other people, it also challenges your ability to self-regulate. Your perception of time is thrown off, so keeping track of your own schedule can be tough without a system.

Before I ever tried medication, in my forties, I spent my life learning skills to make up for what I saw as inadequacies. I’m thankful that I built a technical foundation before supplementing with chemicals, but eternally grateful for what meds have done for me. Once I was properly diagnosed, I realized that the progress I was able to make on my own was astonishing. Giving myself credit for putting in the work motivated me further. The medication made it all click. It was the missing piece I’d been searching for after years of hard inner and outer training.

Here are my five keys for finally jumping off the ADHD treadmill. Once I inserted these into my belief system, I no longer felt hopeless. The limiting, negative self-talk stopped. It took a long time to finally put everything together, but the results have been life changing.

Meds Are Not Evil

Like a lot of other people, I didn’t believe ADHD was real. My perception was that it was a made up disorder designed by drug companies to pump kids full of personality stifling drugs — an excuse for parents to medicate energetic kids and abdicate responsibility.

Meanwhile, I lived every day in lonely terror, until my symptoms became so overwhelming that I became suicidal. At that point, medicine was my last hope. I read books, meditated, prayed, had countless therapy sessions, including EMDR, and took massive action to change my life — but I hit a healing wall. I needed a boost.

The wiring in my brain makes it so ADHD medication that would make the average person speedy simply makes me feel normal. I am no longer listless and suicidal, disappointed in myself because my aspirations outweigh my self-belief. Before meds, it felt as if I was receiving random radio signals from everywhere. The one that always caught my ear never had anything good to say. Still, my disciplined nature dragged me through my days.

The stigma against medication and the dangerous abuse of these drugs by the general public has left many people unnecessarily living in misery. Prisons and homeless shelters are purgatories for the mislabeled, ignored and discarded members of society unlucky enough to suffer from mental illness. How many of those fortunes could have been altered with the right diagnosis, treatment and protocol?

2. Medication + Discipline = Badass

As a person that uses discipline as therapy, I once thought I could muscle my way through pain. Becoming older in the martial arts world means you have to fight smarter. That’s the trade off — you are wiser and have a much better understanding of your art, but your body does not react the same. Nature seeks balance.

But fuck that. If you take care of yourself, you can whip on the youngins long after your head is covered in gray. Combining experience with conditioning makes you unstoppable. That’s how I see my mental health approach.

If you have no clarity, you won’t make the best choices. You simply can’t see what’s in front of you without a trained eye. The frantic nature of the ADHD mind is like a white belt thrown into what we call the “shark tank.” It’s a relentless onslaught of tough competitors coming in fresh at intervals to continuously beat your ass. No place for white belts. That’s what life feels like off my meds.

The passions that occupy my time have kept my brain buzzing enough to distract me from my buzzing brain. Now that the unwanted chatter is gone, I can feel the good kind of buzz — the warm, fuzzy feeling of loving what I do without feeling like I have to do it.

Would I have preferred avoiding all the pain I felt over the years and just been medicated all along? No. If life didn’t necessitate that I acquire the skills that I have, I wouldn’t have been driven to pursue them. I may have relied too much on the drug. I would not have changed. But I have a feeling the relief of the meds wouldn’t have been enough — It’s just not who I am. I know that now. Eventually, I would have gone searching. At times I almost feel like I have an unfair advantage now. Technical ability and practical experience. Strength and skill. Balance. I’m glad it happened the way it did.

3. You Feel How You Eat

While nutrition has always been important to me for physical fitness, I was more concerned with appearance. As I got older, my focus became increasing my energy levels and feeling better. It wasn’t until after being diagnosed and forming habits around optimizing my abilities that I realized the importance of nutrition for good mental health. Inflammation caused by certain foods is detrimental to brain function and a frequent culprit in ADHD.

Once you’ve gone down a suicidal rabbit whole, giving up gluten is a tiny price to pay for sanity. Not that you know what sanity is — you just know you don’t have it.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t give a second thought to the type of food they put in their mouths. Lifestyle is a gigantic factor in mental fitness. Eating foods that promote brain health (fatty fish, blueberries, avocados) and avoiding processed products and sugar will ensure you have the energy and mental clarity to face the day.

4. Your Phone Is A Tool

People love to complain about how their phones have taken over their lives, but we’ve got the most amazing tools ever invented in our pockets. You can read books, listen to podcasts, watch Ted Talks — non stop learning at your fingertips — all the time.

But, with great power comes great responsibility (Stan Lee will never steer you wrong). Just like television can range from “The Sopranos” to “Jersey Shore,” your cell phone can educate or anesthetize you. If you’re not disciplined, your time will be eaten up swiping left to right and “liking” shit you couldn’t care less about.

Take advantage of your calendar and alarm features to schedule everything. Don’t assume you’re gonna remember, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna forget. Use voice memos and notes to keep track of ideas and journal your feelings and thoughts. You know you have to keep yourself occupied, so download the Kindle app and have a book at the ready for down time. Listen to a guided meditation. Take an online course on the go. Learn a new language. It really is endless. Use it wisely, and your phone is the ultimate weapon. No utility belt required.

5. Less Sleep Isn’t Helping

Feeling lazy had me convinced I needed to force myself to do more. That meant getting up earlier so I could get shit done. With a schedule that had me winding down at ten o’clock at night after teaching martial arts classes, it was tough to go right to bed. If I wasn’t careful, I’d lose a half hour of sleep here and there because I wanted to stay up watching television (which miraculously has a way of leading to chips or ice cream). Arnold Schwarzzenegger famously said that you should learn to sleep faster if you can’t get by on six hours of sleep. After years of insisting on shutting down for a minimum of 7–8 hours to promote physical recovery from training, I tried getting by on just 5–6 hours. No dice.

My brain and body just don’t work the same. The sleep I was getting wasn’t all that restful either. I’d frequently wake up during the night feeling restless. It wasn’t until I developed sleep rituals that I began falling asleep quickly and getting a deeper rest. With repetition, my body and mind got used to the same sequence of events every night leading up to bed time. Once I trained my brain, my body knew what to do as soon as my head hit the pillow.

By now, I’ve learned that seven hours is my sweet spot. Eight clean hours can make me feel like superman (mental note: start sleeping eight hours a night).

Recent research suggests ADHD symptoms are often a result of insufficient restful sleep. Sleep deprivation also exacerbates symptoms in kids and adults with ADHD. Your physical and emotional state is undoubtedly better when you get sufficient rest. Staying up late into the night with unproductive bullshit is a mistake, but so is getting by on five hours because you want to prove you’re a tough grinder. You simply won’t be functioning as well. It’s self-sabotage.

There is no magic pill to fix you. If you think of meds that way, you’ll be putting scotch tape on a gunshot wound. You’ve gotta stop the bleeding. Dig the bullet out. Repair the internal damage — then stitch it up. You’ve gotta let it heal and start actively rehabilitating if you want to get stronger. It’s not going to happen by accident or by divine intervention — even though it may feel like that in the end.

Although I’ve developed a good arsenal of skills to maximize my mental wellbeing, I still want to continue growing. My next step will be scanning my brain to understand what areas are being over or under stimulated and adjusting my lifestyle accordingly. As Dr. Daniel Amen, one of the nation’s foremost psychiatrists and a leading expert on brain health says, “Did you know that psychiatrists are the only medical specialists that virtually never look at the organ they treat? Think about it. Cardiologists look, neurologists look, orthopedic doctors look, virtually every other medical specialist looks — psychiatrists guess.”

It seems so obvious now that I want to run out and get my brain scanned as I write this. I’m excited to discover what changes I can make to improve my performance and sense of well being. Brain imaging will provide a road map.

No matter the cards you’ve been dealt, planning and hard work can help you become who you want to be. No circumstance is a limitation to an open mind. There are always ways to improve if you’re willing to search long enough. Luckily for me, I tend to get a little obsessed.

#adhd #mind #body #fitness #health #wellness #depression #anxiety #treatment #medication #mentalhealth #internaljiujitsu

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calliecat93 · 5 years

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RvB17 Episode 4 Review: Breaching the Torus

Fun fact: a torus is a shape that looks like... well a donut. Yeah, the episode title is literally ‘Breaching Donut’. Well with a title like that, I expect only wholesome things form an episode that picks up right after Genkins screws over Donut and Wash’s plans! Leaving the universe certain to be wiped out by the evil time God AI... algorithm... whatever! Let's just jump in already!

Overview

We begin where we left off, Chrovos is gloating as her prison continues to fracture. But she doesn't get far in her evil gloating as Wash essentially tells her to shut the fuck up before heading for the Everwhen. Yeah, with the Time Gun out, getting the guys to realize what's wrong is really the only viable option. Wash immediately regrets this since he has no idea what to do along the Everwhen, but Donut explains it to him and gets him to focus on a memory that they're both in. Three guesses on which one Wash picks, and the first two don't count!

Yeah... Donut gets shot. Again. This time with Wash feeling bad and apologizing before going a few seconds back and stopping himself from pulling the trigger. This is the greatest running gag ever. Of all time. Anyways, the two talk about what to do next while poor Simmons is just confused by everything happening. They ultimately decide that they need to go back to a strong memory where Genkins is likely to go to. But Donut points out that they need to cause as little damage to the timeline as possible and keep things on track... so naturally, Wash shoots him to keep S7's finale intact. Poor Donut.

The two go back to S13 in a moment that I can't remember if it actually happened or not. It's before Felix and Locus went to activate The Purge and got a beatdown from the Freelancer duo. Wash is in the middle of a motivational speech when past him and Donut possess themselves. Wash tries to get Donut to explain... but after accidentally spouting and entendre, he knows he's not going to be believed and has Wash do it. Wash proceeds to try and convince the guys not necessarily about Chrovos, but that they're experiencing deja vu and that something much greater is about to wash over them (that pun was not intentional BTW). But it's okay, because they win the fight that they're about to go into, and they keep winning again and again. For now, they need to forget the Purge. They need to forget Chorus. They need to focus on what's about to come and trust Wash at his word.

It's a very well done speech and performed very well by Shannon McCormick, as always. It seems to work as the guys, while confused, all agree to follow Wash... until Genkins, whose possessing Epsilon, twists it around. He essentially makes it look like Wash is having a shell-shocked veteran moment, which Carolina agrees with and is very much concerned. This causes Wash to give a sharp 'Of course you wouldn't believe me, Carolina" in a very clear venomous tone. Even Tucker and Grif are shocked by it. Wash does catch himself, but Carolina is confused on why Wash would talk to her like that and 'Epsilon' suggests that he go take a walk. Wash does do, Donut chasing after him.

So yeah... they came close, but the attempt was not great. Wash, however, is not up for hearing Donut point this out, his anger at Carolina lying to him about his brain damage now back at full force. Donut points out that technically, he no longer has it since she saved him. That doesn't exactly make Wash any less pissed, but Donut keeps going. He points out that despite knowing the risk, Carolina still decided to try and save Wash because she cared about him. She was on the verge of tears when she brought it up... which Donut had left by then so him saying that he had been there makes no sense, but with time fucked up, I'll let it slide. Anyways, Wash realizes how angry he really got and just how much baggage about everything he's got. Right now though, they need to focus on the matter at hand, so time to go to another memory.

And... back to the S7 finale! This time it's Donut's fault, haha! They soon manage to get to when Lopez was shot, but before Donut. As Simmons frets over Lopez, Wash and Donut walk off to talk about what to do now. They realize that Epsilon had indeed been possessed by Genkins at that point, so plain convincing isn't going to work. But... Donut realizes something. He didn't necessarily convince Wash of anything, he just got him to believe in something that was impossible for him to have known. That is the key. Everyone has deja vu. They know that something is wrong, just not what. They need something to shock them into remembering. They need to see something that they shouldn't know about but recognize anyways. Simmons walks over, still confused and pretty much going 'WTF?!' to Wash for shooting Lopez. But this gets Wash to realize something... at this point, Simmons had only met him maybe a year ago. But what if he showed up when he wasn't supposed to? Like, say... during the Blood Gulch Chronicles? If he did, and the guys recognized him despite not knowing him at that point, it may be just the shock that they need to snap back to normal.

With the new plan, Donut and Wash jump forward to Blood Gulch. Donut arrives at the canyon... but Wash isn't there. Which of course he wouldn't be, this was before any of the BGC met him. Problem is that Donut doesn't know where he sent him. We cut to Wash, standing at a beached area. He tries to figure out where and when he currently is when a voice comes over the radio. A Lee Eddy voice... and there's no accent, so no it's not Chrovos. In other words... it's 479er calling from Command to find out where Wash is. Or, specifically, where Recovery One is. My friends, welcome back to Recovery One.

Review

This episode was short, clocking in at nine minutes, but man it was SO GOOD! I've been very curious about how this Wash and Donut dynamic would go. They haven't exactly had many interactions outside the S7 finale, and we all know how that went. But God... it is SUCH a good dynamic. They're both dorky morons, so there's that going for them. Donut's a little goofier and cheerful, Wash is more serious but still capable of his lighter moments. They really played off of each other well, both listening to each other and figuring out step by step their next course of action. It's funny, it moves things forward, and really sells this newfound comradery really well. Very well done~

Not only do the two characters play off each other well, but we got plenty of character development stuff. Donut's clearly still frustrated about not being listened to, especially when everyone goes and listens to Wash easily. Wash still has a TON of baggage towards Carolina and how she lied to him. He can't repress that, as we saw with the pure venom he directed at her even though she doesn't remember any of those events. And his hesitance when Donut brings up that they're going to have to save her after the guys... it hurt. I mean we all know that Wash will ultimately do it, but the fact that he hesitated because of how hurt Carolina made him feel... damn man. When Carolina gets her memory back, it is gonna hurt. And even with his own issues, Donut still tried to help Wash through his, which displays a lot of emotional maturity on his part. It's been really great to see more of Donut's character, and his and Wash's talk really shows how great they both are

There's plenty of feelsy moments, but also plenty of funny ones. S7's finale becoming a running gag is frekain' hilarious. Donut essentially resigning himself to his fate, Wash feeling guilty every single time, Simmons freaking out and just being confused by everything going on around him. Seriously, he's gonna be SO pissed when he comes to and realizes how many times he had to relive that moment. Also, Kimball's clear confusion when Wash gives his speech, haha! You can just feel the awkwardness emitting off of her. Lindsay only had like... two short lines, but God she nailed the mood. It was a great balance of hilarious and feelsy without feeling rushed or forced in. Jason has done such a great job with the writing, and this episode really shows his talents I feel.

What's also good is that so far, every episode has advanced the plot in some way. As much as I love S16 and will defend it from the more vicious hate it gets... yeah the pacing had issues. It had things happening, but it took far too long for Joe to get to anything truly impactful. I can see why he went that route, but it still made it kind of annoying that whenever it looked like we were getting to a plot point, it sidetracked to something else. I guess that he learned that when he plotted the season (or it's Jason's own doing) because every episode has moved things along swimmingly. There's very little padding or filler. We get to something, have a nice little time with it, and move to the next thing. Here we had a nice romp of the new S7 running gag, had Wash make an attempt with saving the guys, get a little character development for both him and Donut, and onto the next plot point. It's going fast, but it never feels rushed. Like... I'm starting to get why they may have gone with a 12 episode count because if that cut down on padding and needing to stretch things out to hit that count, it would hurt it more than help it.

So now we come to what's coming up next. First, we now know the next plan: have Wash arrive at Blood Gulch and shock the guys into remembering since they shouldn't know Wash yet, but if they recognize him it'll do what Donut did to Wash in Episode 3. The only problem is... well, Wash wasn't at Blood Gulch during Blood Gulch. So hopefully Donut picked a point before everyone got transferred out, haha... anyways. So yeah... looks like Wash is about to relive Recovery One. Which leaves a TON of open possibilities. He has the chance to save certain people and correct any mistakes. Which means dealing with his lingering guilt and pain over everything. But he also has a mission: to save his current team. Which may mean having to abandon Recovery One which is not only going to cause plenty of problems with the Freelancers but having to abandon his old friends to save his current ones... yeah that is going to hurt. Considering that Miles 'I'm going to have Pyrrha die in the most heartbreaking way possible in RWBY' Luna is writing the next episode... yeah... prepare your graves, everyone.

So here's what I think is going to happen. Either at the end of next week's episode or in Episode 6, Wash will arrive in Blood Gulch and whoever is all still there will snap back to normal. The second half of the season will focus on both getting everyone left back to normal and on how to stop Chrovos before she breaks out and Genkins before he makes anything worst. And we still have plenty of feels material with Donut still being frustrated, Wash and Carolina's issues, and for conflicts that haven't come up in awhile... well... Grif still needs to know about Huggins. Boy is THAT ONE gonna be fun, haha... but yeah! I could be wrong, but I can't see them stretching out the memory stuff much longer, so the halfway point seems like a good place to get the majority out of it. We'll see.

Final Thoughts

This season has been great so far. Great Wash and Donut dynamic, a great blend of funny moments and character development, wasting no time in getting the plot moving, it's been such a fun ride. And with the ending, we have plenty more to look forward to. This is easily becoming a great season, and it hopefully just keeps getting better and better. Great episode and now, if you all will excuse me, it's time to prepare my grave for when Miles utterly breaks us all next week! Yay!!!

#rvb #rvb17 #rvb spoilers #rvb reviews #callie reviews

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hazyheel · 5 years

Text

G1 Supercard Review

First match of the night was the Honor Rumble, starting with Kenny King and Minoru Suzuki. Just gonna run through some of the fun spots, such as the tag teams teaming up. Taguchi had a moment where he directed Rocky Romero’s corner clotheslines, eventually leading almost all members of the match to hit BUSHI in the corner. Jushin Thunder Liger got a huge pop, entering and eliminating Brawler Milonas with Shoteis. Colt Cabana took Yano’s spot in the match, in a heartwarming moment. King Haku made a big return, got a decent pop. Haku was beating down Cabana, so Yano ran into the match to help him out. And at #30, the Great Muta made a huge return. Yano accidentally nailed Cabana with the corner pad, leading to them both being eliminated. Ishii and Suzuki renewed their rivalry, leading to Suzuki’s elimination. The two finalists were Jushin Thunder Liger and The Great Muta. They had a nice little match, before Kenny King, who had not been eliminated, threw them both out and won the match. King got misted for his deceit, but still won the match.

Grade D+. Just a weirdly rushed Royal Rumble rip off. Really not into this. It wasn’t very smooth, there wasn’t much story to it, and even though it was for a world title shot, I just couldn’t care. Still, nice to see Muta wrestle again. He kinda still had it.

And in the first actual match of the night, Will Ospreay took on Jeff Cobb, in a winner take all match for the NEVER Openweight Championship and the ROH World Television. They started out fast and furious, with Cobb hitting a huge European uppercut to start the match. Cobb even hit an awesome delayed superplex for a near fall, showing incredible core strength and balance from Ospreay. Ospreay went for his flip off the chest, but Cobb countered with a huge lariat. Ospreay went for the os cutter, but Cobb caught him and threw him into the corner, only for Ospreay to land on the middle rope and hit the os cutter anyway, for an awesome near fall. Ospreay tried to hit the stormbreaker off the top, but Cobb countered with a super tour of the islands, then hitting a normal tour of the islands for the win.

Grade: A-. Great match. They had awesome chemistry, and hit some awesome moves on each other. I don’t know why I thought that Ospreay would end Cobb’s undeafeated streak, but I was happy to be wrong. Really great match, and I am looking forward to seeing how long Cobb is a double champion. Definitely a match worth watching as their counters were actually awesome.

Next up, a special singles match between Rush and Dalton Castle. This match was over in seconds, as Rush nailed three huge corner dropkicks and got the win. After the match, Castle was so pissed about his loss, and pissed at the boys for trying to cheer him up, he attacked them with a gutwrench suplex and a bangarang, turning heel. I am not going to grade this match, but it was pretty awesome to see.

Then we had a woman of honor championship match, pitting Mayu Iwatani against Kelly Klein. Before the match, Klein sent away camp klein, opting to fight the match fairly. The two had technical exchanges, with Klein coming away with the advantage during mat wrestling. But as Klein got too comfortable, Iwantani locked in a sleeper hold, nearly able to get the win off of that. Kelly Klein got the win after two K powers. At the end of the match, Velvet sky and Angelina Love came down to the ring. As the women distracted her, Mandy Leon attacked, laying out Klein and several other women of honor. They drew the anarchy symbol on her head, and walked out. New stable in the women of honor division.

Grade: D. Just a bad match. I liked the story of Klein showing that she has become a better person, but other than that this was a boring match that was kinda awkward. I didn’t really care for the post match antics either, just becuase it wasn’t particularly good. But they did hit some cool moves, it just wasn’t awesome.

Mega Ran did a rap. Yay, but thankfully Bully Ray came out to interrupt. He was given a big babyface reaction because they all hated Mega Ran. He drove Mega Ran out of the ring, and confessed attacking Juice Robinson. He said that the challenge was still open, and Flip Gordon answered the call. Back from injury, he got a huge reaction. He quickly started out with a superkick, and a springboard spear. It didn’t take long for Bully to get the table, and for Shane Taylor and Silas Young, but LifeBlood’s Juice Robinson and Mark Haskins came out to save Flip Gordon. They offered to change this to a 3 on 3 match, and came to beat down Bully. Gordan had to take huge kendo stick shots from all of the heels, no selling all of them until his Lifeblood allies came, for a kendo stick fight among all six. The heels fought back, and powerbombed Gordon through a table. In the finish, Bully was hit with a superkick, powerslam, stinkface and a 450 for the win

Grade: C. Perfectly fun soap opera bullshit. It was a lot of hard core stuff, but nothing too crazy. Awesome to see Flip Gordon back, and doing his thang, happy to see Silas Young and Lifeblood, just fun. Not the best hardcore match ever, but it was fine for what it was.

Into the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship match, Taiji Ishimori took on both Dragon Lee and Bandido. Lee quickly picked up the pace with a slingshot hurricanrana to Bandido, only for Ishimori to hit a huge moonsault. Lee was really beating the shit out both of his opponents, with shots that were as stiff as they come. They just kept hitting crazy flying moves, mexican destroyers, hurricanranas and ddts. Ishimori hit Lee with the Bloody Cross for a near fall. Bandido hit both men with a moonsault powerslam, which the commentators accurately said wasn’t a real move. Lee was able to get the win after hitting a knee lift to Ishimori and some sort of vertical powerslam to Bandido.

Grade: B+. Flippy flippy flippy match. These guys flew all over the place, with awesome and dangerous moves. It was surprisingly short, but still quite fun. Dragon Lee winning the belt makes me think that Hiromu Takahashi will be back for the Best of the Super Juniors. Happy to see Lee have the belt, he really deserves it. And although I think Ishimori’s reign ended a bit short, I think that it ended at the perfect time for the story of Takahashi vs. Lee to continue. Hope to see that soon.

Into the tag team championships match, the Guerillas of Destiny vs. Villain Enterprises vs. The Briscoes vs. Los Ingobernables de Japon. PCO had to be revived in his entrance, but it looked pretty cool. They started out with a wild brawl, and there didn’t even seem to be rules in this match. The Briscoes seemed to be working together super well, destroying their opponents with chairs. Sanada and Evil hit awesome tag team offense, with huge kicks and such. PCO hit a huge moonsault for a big near fall. Tama Tonga and Tonga Loa gave PCO a huge powerbomb out of the ring, to the floor, with no protection, it looked horrendous, but he sat up afterwards, so I think he is okay. In the finish, Jado got involved, smacking Brody King with a Kendo Stick, allowing Tama Tonga to hit a gunstun, and then a superpowerbomb from Tonga Loa for the win. However, as they went to grab the belts, Toru Yano had stolen them, and looked to run away with them.

Grade: A-. Wild match right from the start. There were crazy bumps, crazy spots, non stop action, and I couldn’t look away. It was a lot crazier that I had thought it would be, but it was still awesome. Briscoes had some awesome hardcore spots, Brody King and PCO did some crazy stuff, Evil and Sanada kept ahold of their classic wrestling style, while Tama Tonga and Tonga Loa kept their heads down, interfered when they needed to, and came away with the win. Fun, car wreck of a match.

Next up was a singles match between Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi for the British Heavyweight Championship. The two exchanged technical holds, with Sabre not commiting too hard in the beginning of the match. Sabre continued to play mind games throughout the match, working over Tanahashi’s arm. When tanahashi couldn’t skin the cat, Sabre realized that he needs to target that limb and began to destroy it. Sabre did his best to counter Tanahashi’s submissions, but Tanahashi was able to keep outwrestling Sabre. However, when Tanahashi went up for the high fly flow, Sabre quickly ran to the top rope to stop it. Sabre seemed to have the advantage during striking contests, but not in technical wrestling, oddly enough. Tanahashi began to psych himself up, hitting several twist and shouts and slingblades. However, Sabre was able to outlast Tanahashi, locking in his submission that has a super long name and getting the verbal submission.

Grade: B. A bit slower than the matches that these two normally, but still quite good. I liked the story of Tanahashi actually being able to best Sabre, but sabre just outlasted him. He was younger, had better conditioning, and knew that he could outlast the Ace. Good stuff, but far from their best match.

And then we had the Intercontinental Championship match, Kota Ibushi vs. Tetsuya Naito. They started with the quick strikes right off the bat, targetting each other’s necks as these two so often do. It didn’t take long before they started busting out the big moves, with ibushi hitting a hurricanrana off the apron, and then hitting a springboard double stomp for a near fall. Ibushi hit his second rope german, Naito hit a spike hurricanrana off the top rope. The two battled for the opportunity to hit a package piledriver on each other, with Naito eventually getting the honors. The two began to exchange forearms, kicks and palm strikes. Naito then hit a huge reverserana into a destino, but Ibushi actually kicked out. Ibushi then nailed a bomboye to the back of the head, and then to the face for a near fall. He then hit a last ride for a near fall, before picking him up for a Kamegoye and the win.

Grade: A. As awesome as ever, these guys can do no wrong. They hit each other as hard as they could, they threw each other onto their necks, and the whole thing was just so so scary. Awesome to see Ibushi finally getting a long term title reign, unlike his run with the Openweight Belt. He will probably hold it for a couple months, hopefully into the G1 Classic, but I am just happy that he won here.

Now into the ROH main event, Jay Lethal vs. Marty Scurll vs. Matt Taven, for the ROH World Championship, in a ladder match. The men didn’t take long to start throwing ladders at each other. At one point, Scurll trapped Lethal’s head in a ladder, before hitting the latter with a chair. Scurll even attempted to grab the belt by climbing a shorter ladder and grabbing it with his umbrella. Throughout the match, Scurll injured his knee after being stuck in a figure four in a ladder. Taven hit a huge powerbomb to lethal through a ladder suspended between two chairs. Taven and Scurll faced off in the middle of the ring, with Scurll attempting to hit all his offense, but Taven kept playing spoiler to that, drawing chants of fuck you taven. Scurll hit a huge superplex to take out Taven. Lethal was about to win the match, but Scurll locked in the chicken wing and threw him off the top. Taven and Scurll then battled at the top, only for Scurll to break Taven’s fingers, before getting punched off. Taven had it won, but his fingers hurt too much and he fell off. Lethal was able to land a lethal injection on Scurll, but did not have a ladder to capitalize. Scurll took a lot of punishment, as Taven delivered a huge spear through the ropes and through a table. At one point, Lethal went up to the top of a huge ladder to hit the biggest elbow drop ever on Taven, through a table. At one point, Taven introduced a huge, purple ladder, with ladders suspended between lower rungs and the ropes of both sides. Scurll got taken out after Taven swept his leg, and he tumbled out of the ring. Lethal and Taven battled atop the ladder, and Taven smacked lethal with the belt, sending him down through the ladder. Taven then grabbed the title, the new ROH World Champion.

Grade: A. This was a great match. They destroyed themselves with ladder shots, and falling from huge heights. These guys will be sore tomorrow, and they put on a hell of a match. Scurll probably took the most sickening bumps, but everyone did some terrifying stuff. I didn’t expect this match to be as good as it was, but I was pleasantly surprised. Bummed that Scurll didn’t win, but Taven really does deserve it. Congratulations Taven, you deserved it. Surprisingly enough, this was probably the match of the night for me.

And the main event for New Japan, Kazuchika Okada vs. Jay White for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship. White started playing mindgames immediately, but Okada played them right back. Every time Okada seemed to be gaining the advantage, Gedo got involved to keep White in the lead. It got to the point where, after booting Jay White over the barricade, Okada threw Gedo in after him, before hitting a huge splash to the both of them. White desperately tried to counter Okada’s signature moves, but even when he did, Okada would manage to hit them anyway. Okada was hitting his dropkicks as hard as he ever has, nailing one in the face and one in the chest. At one point, White hit a huge Saito suplex out of the ring, onto the apron. Jay did everything he could to make sure that he doesn’t get hit by the Rainmaker, at one point just sitting down to avoid it, and another time reversing into a sleeper suplex. Okada nailed a spinning rainmaker, into another Rainmaker for a great near fall. Jay hit the blade runner, but did not make the pin due to his exhaustion. As Okada was about to get the win again, but Gedo distracted the ref and White hit a low blow. They had a series of counters, before Okada hit two rainmakers, a jumping tombstone, and then one more rainmaker for the win.

Grade: A-. Really great match. They played on all the apsects of their rivalry over the past few months, like Gedo’s betrayal, the reversal of the rainmaker into Bladerunner, and Okada’s need to go super overkill to put down white. The action was fast and intense, and although I thought it would be better if White retained, it does feel good to see the belt back on Okada.

Overall Grade: B+

Pros: Cobb vs. Ospreay; junior heavyweight championship; tag championship; british championship; intercontinental championship; ladder match; main event

Cons: honor rumble; Dalton Castle heel turn :( ;women of honor match; mega ran

#hazyheel #roh #roh review #njpw review #njpw #new japan #new japan review #new japan pro wrestling review #new japan pro wrestling #ring of honor #ring of honor review #njpw world #g1 supercard #g1 supercard review

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flairrstarling · 5 years

Text

Sanders Sides Mafia AU

In which Thomas is the part of a Mafia family (not technically a blood-related family, just a really small tight knit Mafia gang, instead of a full out 100+ member mini army with a whole hierarchy figured out).

//this post is to quench my thirst for an evil Sides au lol so if u looking for fluff/angst/anything that isn’t absolute edge u can scroll right past

Roman

- The Right Brain

- Creativity, in charge of imagination

- Hangs out with Deceit all the time, coming up with elaborate tricks and lies to pull on the police

-Also hangs out with Logan, discussing exploitation and manipulation tactics (also inventing new torture and killing methods)

- Wears a crown and has a red fur-lined cape draped around his shoulders instead of a sash. He has black costume instead of a white one, but this one has intricate golden designs lining the cuff of his sleeves. His sword is still in its sheath though. Sharper and longer, but lighter.

- Red eyes smirk at you from the dark.

Patton

- Moral compass and empathy.

-Not many moral values. Doesn’t believe things like kindness without strings attached, after all, why advocate something that can hold Thomas back?

- Loyalty within the family is high on his list, but otherwise he’s very loose. Believes that disloyalty is the highest sin, and should be punished severely. That’s where a lot of Roman and Logan’s torture methods come in.

-Thomas may be a part of the mafia, but there is still use in having manners and being presentable. It’s quite ungraceful and impolite to just start a massacre on impulse.

-But sometimes he just can’t help himself.

-Tries to advise against killing children. Tries. Half-heartedly.

-Nah, he loves the sounds of the little kiddies’ screams squeals. He loves cuts and blood. The human body has so much of this beautiful red.

-Emotional intelligence. Handy for manipulation.

-Empathy means recognising likeminded people’s motives, very useful for dodging tattletales and no good backstabbers when recruiting. Logan is very pleased with his skills. So far Joan and Talyn have proven to be loyal and efficient, just as Patton had made them out to be.

- Blood splatters everywhere, crazed bright blue eyes, wide and full of the light of insanity.

-I want to give Patton a special and memorable redesign but the truth is he just looks more iconic in his normal clothes, innocent and childlike and whatnot, except for the bloodstains and sharp knife of course. Oh, and the yandere tendencies.

Virgil

- Anxiety, fears

- Has little power over Thomas these days

-plagues him with nightmares of Joan, Talyn and his whole family turning against him

-other nightmares include being assassinated by a hitman

-as years go by and Thomas’s enemies in the underground black society accumulate, the more power Virgil has, before he ultimately reduces Thomas to an empty, distrustful old man, too cowardly to tell a believable, bold lie, and when he does, too scared to go through with it. Reputation destroyed, anxious and restless, he leads his family to their demise before they all abandon him and he dies alone.

-Virgil doesn’t really hate Deceit. But he also kind of does. It’s complicated. Virgil’s job is fears and anxieties. Insecurities. Everyone has their own creepy crawlies they sweep under the rug. Thomas is scared of getting caught. Of being punished, jailed, sent to death for his crimes. But he’s already a criminal. It’s too late to change now. So instead that fear is projected onto

- Choker, piercings, bubble gum and tattoos. Brass knuckles and spiked bat. Top half of his jacket slid over, exposing pale skin lined with scars, stitches and bruises. Sleeveless tank top, purple eyes and permanent scowl.

- Kinky goth boy.

Logan

- Left Brain

- Logic

- Booksmarts aren’t all that handy now, but having to constantly catchup with new code words in the underworld occupies him enough.

-On top of that, being well versed in law means backup if anyone gets caught.

-Of course, it also happens that logic is needed for literally, everything.

-Y’know, decisions like who should be sacrificed in trying times

-Whether to trust this new but proven to be competent newbie at a particular job

-Can Thomas get away with this crime in this area?

-And literally every family operation is meticulously planned by him.

-It’s up to him and Virgil to turn Roman and Deceit’s ideas to something believable. At the same time he has to stop Virgil from turning Thomas into a coward. He also stops Deceit from making Thomas lie compulsively about everything and Patton from going on a crazy killing spree when he has too.

-A businessman’s suit. Black all over, except for a dark blue tie and blue tinted undershirt. Hair slicked back perfectly, glasses thin-framed and rectangular. He doesn’t really need them, it just makes him look frail. The getup hides his aptitude at defending himself. Prefers handguns. He hates getting bloodstains, but somehow still gets some splashes anyways.

-Dark blue eyes, their toxic glow like the harsh cold they radiate.

Deceit

-Self-preservation

-Snake boi, main side.

-Well, he is self-preservation. And guess what? When you’re in the crime business, you’ll need that a whole damn lot.

-Can’t be giving other people good deals and pitying every orphan street rat they come across

-When he and Roman are bored they sometimes write this list of things to say to the police for scenarios they could be caught doing

-sometimes it’s genuinely believable and sometimes it’s just “OFFICER THERE THE COOKIE MONSTER’S ESCAPING”

-But Deceit can’t really talk to any one side for too long. Everyone is slightly intolerable in their own ways. Roman always needs an ego stroke, Virgil always needs to be comforted, Patton always has to be forced by someone before he lets down his facade, Logan always needs to be heard, he could feed into these weaknesses and gain power, but what’s the point? He’s already a main side, and doing that takes a lot of effort. But he tries sometimes. He likes to think of it as a trade. The sides get a bit happier and healthier for a bit, and he gets what he’s after. Like an extra cookie or meal, a favour, object, another side’s vote on a certain topic, etc.

-A snarl and hiss, revealing sharp fangs and a forked tongue. His eyes are open, but you can only see one, sinister, bright yellow eye, and the beastly black slit at its centre.

-lol i think he looks dark enough the way he is, don’t he?

Thomas

-This is a mafia FAMILY. There is no head. Everyone is family, everyone is equal.

-Well, that’s what he said.

-The founder of the family was Thomas. He was a lowly scammer and thief, but then he recruited Joan and Talyn. They jumped in on the bandwagon and soon, more and more people came in. Terrence, Mary Lee, Lee, Camden...then suddenly they were armed, six feet deep into the drug smuggling trade and had a secret base to top it all off.

-So technically, Thomas is the head, Joan is his right hand and Talyn as well.

-Thomas has grown a lot of guts since he founded his family and knew he had people who had his back. He went from scamming and stealing to bank heists and trading with top members of black societies.

-He’s also experienced betrayal of course. But they worked that out. He knows he can trust his family. He just knows to take precautions.

-“ACCEPT GAYS OR ILL RAID YOUR BANK”

-T: “Hey now that I think about it Roman I don’t think that was a very good idea”

V:“YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU WENT THROUGH WITH IT”

-He stares you down, with hard determination in his eyes, and a bit of peace and resign.

Thomas Sanders, who recruited and assembled one of the most powerful mafias in the world, is here, surrounded by the police, his gun cocked, smiling warmly and confidently, knowing that his family has escaped.

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i-am-grell · 5 years

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Here’s My Top 100 For 2018 From Spotify

And me trying to justify them! (Look, some are WIP-related, others are jams, some I really can’t explain I just got back into Glee for like a month at one point this year...) Here’s the playlist

1. From a Mountain In The Middle Of The Cabins - Panic! At The Disco

Look, I just love the bouncy piano and the tuba. You can never have a bad tuba.

2. The End. - My Chemical Romance

Goes along with Chapter 8 of my WIP, Interlude, because I’m mean

3. Blank Space - I Prevail

This also goes along with Interlude from Chapter 1 - 5

4. If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember

This one goes with my WIP Blood Bound (This one isn’t posted anywhere) (specifically, book 5)

5. Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy

Another Blood Bound one (Book 7)

6. This Could Be Anywhere In The World - Alexisonfire

Interlude

7. The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For

This was going to be Interlude-related but got replaced. Still a banger

8. Disturbia - The Cab

The theme song of Dreavyn from my WIP Aaron Being Normal and if anyone has any tips on how to control a chaotic bisexual OC please let me know

9. Jumpsuit - Twenty One Pilots

Funky bass

10. MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

A theme for Trace from Aaron Being Normal (Won’t be extremely relevant until book 3 (also this was supposed to be a standalone...))

11. Miss Murder - AFI

Funky bass part 2

12. Fences - Paramore

Interlude again - A Selena Walton Theme Song.

13. The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance

Interlude - A Morgan/Selena/Mostly Selena Theme. (Also, a banger)

14. Camisado - Panic! At The Disco

Interlude - How many hospital scenes can I fit into 1 WIP about depressed teens? (Turns out three; maybe four, technically)

15. My Heart I Surrender - I Prevail

Cole’s character song (Interlude) (Also romantic AF)

16. I Don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

Interlude. Also a Mood

17. Holiday/Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Partially Interlude, partially because Holiday fucking slaps and BoBD is a classic

18. Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

1/2 Interlude, 1/2 a Mood

19. I Don’t Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem) - Good Charlotte

Dare I say, an aro-ace mood?

20. Check Yes, Juliet - We The Kings

I feel like half this playlist is just gonna be songs from the Interlude playlist...

21. Problematique - Hot Chelle Rae

Some funky bass, call and response, and fast rhyming - an ultimate jam

22. Postcards - Amber Pacific

Interlude playlist

23. Nico and The Niners - Twenty One Pilots

Look, I just really like Trench; it’s a good album

24. Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist but there’s such a Bonnie and Clyde feel to it, man...

25. Do You Know What I’m Seeing? - Panic! At The Disco

No. I don’t. Good song to dissociate to, though. I’m not good at instruments but good guitar/ukulele/whatever it is. Pleasant mood.

26. Rough Hands - Alexisonfire

Look, I’m trying to learn how to properly sing unclean parts (screamo parts) which will be absolutely shocking coming from a 5′2″ blonde girl; I need songs to practice to...

27. The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver - All Time Low

Theme song to the Netflix adaptation of Interlude that plays in my head on repeat. Now if only I could actually finish writing the goddamn book...

28. Fat Lip - Sum 41

Interlude playlist, also listen to it and tell me you don’t hate everybody and this town

29. Say Anything (Else) - Cartel

I like singing the intro/chorus as sort of a vocal warm up...

30. Oh Well, Oh Well - Mayday Parade

Just a fucking MOOD my dudes

31. Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? - Glee Cast Version

No offense to Meat Loaf....but John Stamos... (Also Interlude (Travis) inspo) (Also I was really into Glee again earlier this year... Still haven’t actually watched past season 3...)

32. The Anthem - Good Charlotte

What I listen to when I consider dropping out and becoming a bog witch, but, like, a punk bog witch

33. Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Aaron Being Normal Inspo. The band’s name is ironic considering how Gay I make it...

34. Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy

I like singing this one when I’m drunk

35. I Don’t Love You - My Chemical Romance

Blood Bound (Book 2)

36. This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

Blood Bound (Book 3)

37. Silver Bullet - Hawthorne Heights

Interlude Playlist

38. Weightless - All Time Low

MAYBE IT’S NOT MY WEEKEND BUT IT’S GONNA BE MY YEAR I scream to myself on a Tuesday

39. Who Do You Love - Marianas Trench

Have you ever looked up an a capella version of this one? Cuz yeah

40. Let The Flames Begin - Paramore

Anti-Depression, yet still Depressed Mood

41. Red Sam - Flyleaf

Depression Mood - also Interlude playlist

42. Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade

Interlude Playlist, and I think the Dreavyn playlist too... Look, it’s just a jam

43. Savior - Rise Against

Interlude Theme

44. Kiss Me, Kill Me - Mest

Another Interlude thing also a really good Selena x Morgan song

45. Hot To The Touch, Cold On The Inside - Fall Out Boy

Aaron Being Normal song also it’s about a hot pocket

46. Newport Living - Cute is What We Aim For

Interlude song that causes drama

47. Meant To Live - Switchfoot

Selena song - Interlude

48. Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance

This is on the Interlude playlist purely because I’m Evil

49. You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

On the Interlude playlist, also highly recommend blaring this through the hallways of your Catholic High School during lunch

50. Lights And Sounds - Yellowcard

Interlude Playlist also a banger

51. Angel With A Shotgun - The Cab

If this ain’t romantic as shit... Also it will make you wanna declare war on God Himself what a Mood

52. Somebody Told Me - The Killers

I’m not justifying why The Killer’s is on here I’m just shocked and appalled that Mr. Brightside has yet to make an appearance Spotify

53. Alright - Hot Chelle Rae

The English major inside of me wants to correct it to “all right” also Interlude epilogue Mood.

54. Changing - Saosin

Interlude Playlist

55. Bring Me To Life (Synthesis) - Evanescence

The Synthesis version is far superior and allows me to Properly showcase my Amy Lee impression

56. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bed - Fall Out Boy

Along with J. Michael Tatum, Patrick Stump’s voice is My Religion - the first 23 seconds > The Beatles

57. Pas De Cheval - Panic! At The Disco

Sounds gallop-y

58. Be My Escape - Relient K

Interlude Mood/Theme

59. Science Fiction Double Feature - Glee Cast

Look, all Rocky Horror versions are great, even the Glee one...

60. Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

I like to sing this one when drunk

61. Stand - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Final Book. End. Roll credits.)

62. I’d Do Anything - Simple Plan

A jam

63. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World

The call-response, the spastic drums, damn boi, they’ve got it all

64. Say You Like Me - We The Kings

Catchy song, little fuckboi-ish if you really listen to the lyrics, but it’s not Baby It’s Cold Outside-bad???

65. AMBULANCE - My Chemical Romance

*Choir Ah-ing*, also an Interlude mood considering there are like 2 separate confirmed ambulance parts anyway...

66. crushcrushcrush - Paramore

Look me dead in the eye and tell me Hayley Williams didn’t put everything into her lyrics/singing here

67. Stay - Mayday Parade

Songs for when you’re heartbroken but to the point of dissociating while it rains outside, starting to storm, it starts out with just the grey pattering of a sheet of raindrops and soon the thunder starts to rumble with growing intensity and lightning splits the sky

68. There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought Of It Yet - Panic! At The Disco

I am the victim of Dreavyn Hawthorne from my WIP Aaron Being Normal seriously if anyone can help me control a chaotic theatre bisexual...

69. Lyrical Lies - Cute is What We Aim For

This band’s lyrics are so fucking poetic it is Shakespeare to a guitar, y’all

70. Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

I always get like a falling slowly down one of those psychedelic tubes greenscreened into the background feeling at the intro but just like totally at peace falling, like kinda like listening to Ride by 21P type mood but then the chorus comes and it’s a jam

71. Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Just a banger

72. My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Look I don’t party too hard but when I do we go hard I was at a party on a Thursday night that didn’t end until the next morning no shit one guy I know did a kegstand before going to his English class

73. Come As You Are - Nirvana

Damn Kurt we miss you but you turned out some jams that no one can match

74. Traitor - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

75. Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K

The lyrics are so stupid but damn I love it

76. Poetically Pathetic - Amber Pacific

Did you mean literally 90% of my male OCs?

77. Saviour - LIGHTS

The first LIGHTS song I ever heard and I will defend my favourite singer until the day I die she’s Canadian like me, her family is ADORABLE, SHE is ADORABLE and I love her the end

78. Jersey - Mayday Parade

This goes with every WIP I’ve ever conceived and literally none of them are set in Jersey

79. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

I feel like this song is just a universal mood but no one can explain exactly why

80. C’mon - Panic! At The Disco

Wholesome(TM)

81. Sunshine Riptide - Fall Out Boy

Interlude Playlist - I imagine Morgan singing it and that might end up happening in canon but idk yet...

82. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Easily in the top 3 Neil Diamond songs if not the top, fight me.

83. First Date - blink-182

Literally just such an adorable song, blink-182 is the best

84. Last Hope - Paramore

Mostly a Selena song (Interlude) but idk I’ve destroyed many OCs wills to live so

85. Black Sheep - Metric

@spotify please put the Brie Larson version from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on your streaming service I’m begging you - a very gay

86. When You Were Young - The Killers

Good song, real jam, where’s Mr. Brightside, spotify, where is it????

87. Broken Hearts Parade - Good Charlotte

A certified bop

88. All I Want - A Day To Remember

A song for my greedier OCs who just want to stop being tortured but yknow what children life aint fair

89. The Kids From Yesterday - My Chemical Romance

Put this in any of my WIPs really...

90. Threshold - Sex Bob-Omb

Try to tell me the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World soundtrack isn’t lit

91. Sorrow - Flyleaf

Blood Bound (Book 3)

92. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - Fall Out Boy

You know when you’re writing intense battles or going to get a tattoo and need a playlist of War Songs? This is like the first one on my War Songs playlist

93. Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

A staple in the punk rock genre

94. Neon Gravestones - Twenty One Pilots

Ngl I sobbed when I first heard this one so

95. Pressure - Paramore

Very vocal on the Interlude playlist

96. Starlight - Muse

I first got into Muse because it fueled Twilight but yknow what they’re still a damn good group and Supermassive Black Hole carried the baseball scene which was an astounding piece of cinema so

97. Sleepless in Phoenix - blessthefall

It’s literally just my favourite blessthefall song, fight me

98. Kids In The Dark - All Time Low

My mood for when my dad tells me “you’re 20 you should be able to figure it out” like excuse me for not learning how the entire world works the second I turned 18...

99. Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! At The Disco

Refer to My Own Worst Enemy. Add drugs. I’ve never done drugs but..

100. Feeling This - blink-182

*screams I’m Feeling This at regular intervals* (I have no explanation it’s just a BOP)

#music #spotify #spotify 2018 #top songs 2018 #playlist #spotify playlist

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thedeaditeslayer · 6 years

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Bruce Campbell and What's Coming on Ash vs Evil Dead Season 3.

This interview features some moderate spoilers. Read at your own discretion.

The legend himself speaks on what's next for Ash vs Evil Dead and how his career is about more than just blood and guts.

Ash vs Evil Dead is back, baby - and according to the people who made it, we're in for a party. First, you find out Ash has a surprise teenage daughter. What's up with that? Then there's that new biker guy who says he's a knight of Sumeria. Oh yeah? Where's your chain mail, Sir Loin of Pork?

Anyway, you still got the old regulars like Pablo and Kelly and Ruby, who looks smoking hot as a blonde. And there's Ash too, of course. Can't forget him. It's still his show...and he's still the king.

We sat down with Bruce Campbell, the legend behind Ashy Slashy, to find what else we can expect from Ash vs Evil Dead's twisted third year on television and how he keeps the role fresh after all these years.

Evil Dead is a couple years shy of its 40th anniversary mark. How do you think it’s transformed since then, and did you and Sam ever dream that the franchise would ever have the media presence that it has now?

Well you can’t really ever imagine it. We had so many problems with the first movie, we weren’t even sure we would even finish that. And then there was a great deal of time between each movie, so there wasn’t what you would call a lot of momentum exactly. The momentum kind of happened after Army of Darkness, the third Evil Dead, played.

Honestly, what people forget is the movie bombed and almost killed the franchise. So it took a lot of DVD reissues through the ‘90s, all the "Making Ofs", the behind the scenes stuff that really brought the DVDs back which created a lot more fervor at conventions, y’know, and people never stopped bugging us about it. So it really has been very organic and slow growing. It’s a slow-growing cancer.

It’s kind of a nice, profitable cancer though. So why is it that each installment of the Evil Dead franchise has its own tone and flavor? It’s like each one is from its own separate universe that has a different spin on what was already established.

I would say probably because of the distance between them. The first Evil Dead was 1979, so we did one in the ‘70s. The second one was in 1986, so we did one in the ‘80s. Army of Darkness was ‘91 when we shot it, so that was the ‘90s and then really it was not for 25 more years that we started the TV series so you can see how your sensibilities would change based on experience and just life and preferences. So I would attribute it mostly to that.

Will Ash vs. Evil Dead still be on the air when the 40th anniversary happens?

You tell me, seer of the future.

Eh...my crystal ball is out of juice right now.

There ya go.

How do you think season three stands in comparison to the first two seasons?

It’s better by a mile. We’re up to speed, we’re sort of getting our sea legs, our story is coming together. We’re gonna pay off a bunch of stuff this year with new characters, new stuff for Ash to do, new dynamics...he’s got a daughter...his father comes back to haunt him as a ghost. A lot of cool stuff. Some of the cast winds up in limbo at a certain point. There’s time travel...it’s bitchin’ season. Ash has a family so I think it’s really cool. It was exciting.

What do you contribute to any of the trademark gore gags or action sequences in the show? Do you hang out in the writers' room and toss around ideas? How does that work?

I don’t hang out. I’m too busy. So...basically I’m in on the jokes. They pitch me the ideas and stuff. I’ll let them know if it’s something I am not interested in doing or don’t want to do. Or, if it doesn’t make sense for how I actually do something, I encourage the writers to act it out in their crappy little writer’s room so that the fight makes sense. Fight scenes need to have a story. When you fight a monster, you’re not the only smart one. Ash would be just as tricky as them, and being inventive in how they defend themselves or attack.

The Deadites are very tricky but so is Ash. Never forget that Ash is just as tricky as the Deadites. I always try to keep the writers smart. Write smart; don’t write stupid, or easy, or repetitive.

What’s the secret to writing a good one-liner?

Don’t make it too many syllables.

Technically, that in itself is a one-liner.

It is.

There’s something about Ash Vs. Evil Dead that captures a certain atmosphere in the United States in this day and age so well. Is this intentional satire or does it just come with the territory of the character of Ash Williams in general?

Well, you can interpret what it means in modern sociology, but to us, we’re just telling Ash’s story which is mostly universal.

It is, I think that’s why it’s so successful as a TV series. I also think Ash vs. Evil Dead is successful because of Pablo and Kelly (and now Brandy), who have helped the franchise develop an emotional center that the feature films didn’t have.

I agree. There’s way more character resonance. There’s much more for people to get behind and involved. They can worry about Ash’s daughter, you see different side of Ash, you see a caring and protective side, you see Ash step up from his selfish nature and be more selfless. He’s a shitty father, no question about it. But what’s fun is to show him try to grapple with it. Try and know that he’s doing some bad shit as a father but he’s doing the best that he can under the circumstances.

That seems to be the big theme of season three, is it not?

More like “family is everything." Family is all you really got.

Does this mean we can expect more Brock Williams this season?

Yep. Brock is back, played by the great Lee Majors, and I think he has more screen time this season because he comes back to give me advice.

Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss) too, maybe?

No, I think she’s going to stay dead.

How do you continue to play Ash and not get annoyed with people who only want to see his character when they look at you?

I realize that people only like what they like, and they will only know you based on what they like. If you only like horror movies, then I’m your horror guy. You like westerns, people know me from something else. If you like spy shows, then people might know me from those. I’ve had to learn to not be offended by that because I’m actually more pigeonholed by fans than by my own industry. I’ve done a bunch of different stuff but fans like what they like and they only watch what they want to watch. They won’t follow an actor and I’ve found that my fans won’t follow me to everything that I do, they’ll do about two-thirds of it.

And there’s some people that like Burn Notice but can’t stand Evil Dead movies. It’s not their bag. So, for me, I just do my business.

Right. Jumping back to Evil Dead...just kidding. How do you play Ash after all these decades and still make it fun and interesting for yourself as an actor?

I can finally have the freedom to be the final arbiter of what comes out of Ash’s mouth. I’ve rewritten a lot of my own material, I hand my material over to the script supervisor. Normally there’s a big process you have to go through if you want to change your lines. Sometimes I’ll just hand out an Ash draft. I won’t change anything but my own dialogue.

So, I wanted to experience on time where I had that kind of freedom and that kind of creative say - and we have that now, and it’s gonna be really hard to give up.

Do you think that new showrunner Mark Verheiden captures the Ash voice better, since he wrote My Name is Bruce in 2007 and the comic adaptation of the first Evil Dead film in for Dark Horse in 2007?

Well, it certainly puts him more in the ballpark, but I warned all the writers that if you guys don’t step up, don’t be surprised by what you see in the dailies.

That’s important, and almost a Tom Baker kind of thing, whereas an actor you have to be trusted to contribute your talents and your contributions based on your instincts...especially if you’ve been playing a character for so long.

I’m the only guy who only knows how Ash would react in a certain situation. A new director who didn’t have any experience with it, they wouldn’t really know. It’s been fun. It’s been really good to delve back in and flesh this guy out.

Are you going to have more screen time with Lucy Lawless this year? Is there going to be more action between you two? Er, well, not that kind of action, but...

Interaction, I think is what you’re getting at. Yes, there will be a little bit more play with Ash and Ruby because she’s a little more officially “bad” this season, and I think from Ash’s perspective she needs to be dealt with once and for all.

If you could describe this season in one word, what would it be?

Game-changer.

#Ash vs. Evil Dead #Ash vs Evil Dead #Bruce Campbell #Starz #Lionsgate

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