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belphegorbillickin · 3 years

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Most to least likely to be affected by rejection from GN!MC. (& Their Worst Rival)

(Lesson 14-16 spoilers. This also on AO3 if you’d like to read it there.)

Belphegor:

He'd be pissed regardless of how you treated him. He would blame it on how he didn't get enough time with you.

(And him y'know literally laughing over your corpse he killed with his bare hands if he's being honest with himself.)

Belphegor would probably be the most in denial and keep telling himself he just needs more time in order for you to change your feelings.

Even Leviathan would get tired of hearing his signature phrase getting repeated back to him over and over.

Someone would have to step in eventually (unless you never really forgave him or made it extremely clear you'd never be into him that way) and he'd throw a huge fit.

It'd be especially nasty if it was Diavolo, Lucifer, or Simeon that you were dating, in a way that might irreparably damage their relationship. At least for a few centuries or so anyway.

He'd still be upset, but ultimately happy for you and Beel if you still get along with him.

Not only is his twin happy, but it means you "have" to tolerate him to make Beel happy and he'll be seeing you a lot more than with someone else.

He'd still try to worm his way into the relationship like he does in canon, but that'd probably be the end of it if you reject him clearly and calmly.

If you still hate him however he'd probably try to break you and Beel up. Not because he likes you, but because he's terrified you'll convince Beel to leave him like Lilith did and he'll be all alone.

He'd hate to be separated from his twin regardless, but he's become especially clingy and almost paranoid about it after being locked in the attic.

They may be demons now, but he's still stuck in the PTSD mindset of an angel being corrupted by a human. To him, Beel is still an angel deep down and just as naïve as his sister was.

I mean, Lilith did in fact die because she fell in love with a human regardless of who's fault it was. (In a roundabout way, sure Belphie.)

Getting some closure, learning she lived a happy life, and knowing that Lucifer didn't just completely abandon his family to lick Diavolo's boots for no reason helps ease his anger, but this just pure fear.

Not only is he afraid of history repeating itself, but Beel's with someone who has every reason to hate him.

Despite helping him and his family it'd almost be easier to trust a random human than a MC that hasn't truly forgiven him.

Lucifer:

His pride is hurt, especially if he confessed, but ultimately he'll be happy for his brothers once he gets over it.

He's higher than he could've been because I think he'd be able to share much more with a lover than "another person to look out for."

Lucifer probably wouldn't let you see his vulnerable side, especially if directly rejected.

It's different however if he saw you as more of a "Lilith" (MC can be any gender) figure than someone akin to his brothers.

(Give him a break here, this demon hasn't had a real, on equal terms, friend to relax around since the fall. His comparisons are a bit faulty, but he ultimately means someone who helps him and never intentionally hurts his pride vs his asshole brothers causing trouble on purpose.)

Honestly, I feel like he'd believe he'd never have a chance like this again.

MC has already seen him at his worst and his most vulnerable and they get along with his brothers. They've had plenty of opportunities to hurt them and yet they haven't even after securing a pact with him.

There are far too many demons and humans alike out to gain status or looking to exploit their weaknesses.

When would he even have the time to find someone else, much less someone he could actually relax around and show his softer side to?

The worst person for MC to pick would be Diavolo or Simeon. For Diavolo not only would he have to see him practically every day of his life knowing he's "taken" yet another person from him, but you're also with the person who’s hurt his pride like no one has before.

He can't refuse a serious order from Diavolo, he was forced to swear his loyalty and be subservient to save his dying sister literally the second his feet touched the ground after fighting for freedom, you chose one of the few beings more powerful than him, he can't mourn his feelings in peace without Diavolo or MC noticing, and most of all he doesn't seem to actually trust Diavolo.

The entire reason Belphegor was locked in the attic was because he was scared of what Diavolo would make him do to his own brother. There's no way he doesn't also have a ton of PTSD from the war and the events leading up to it.

He was God's "favorite" before the war too, what makes the literal Devil who forced him into servitude in exchange for his sister's life any different?

I believe part of his domineering attitude is because he can't trust any authority figure but himself.

It doesn't help that Diavolo uses his position against him constantly. It's not for anything super serious, but more than enough to prove he's not above it if the deal itself wasn’t enough.

On the other hand Simeon represents everything he lost. Technically Lucifer chose to give it up, and he certainly doesn't regret it, but he's not sure you'll see it that way.

He’s the "friend" that refused to follow him like his brothers and supported the tyrant that allowed Lilith's death, but doesn't seem all that interested in playing by their rules himself and acts like they should welcome him with open arms.

Maybe Lilith's death could've even been prevented if they had one more powerful angel on their side.

If Simeon did fall because of his love for MC that'd make his refusal to help his little sister that fell for the same reason so much worse. Especially if Simeon acted like he did nothing wrong like he most likely would. It'd be another betrayal from him and a betrayal from MC as well.

I feel like he'd feel the happiest for Mammon if he considers you a good influence on him, maybe even if you aren't. He has a difficult time actually showing it, but Mammon is his favorite and he entrusted you to him in the first place for a reason after all.

He'd also be grateful to a MC that can soothe Satan's pain and help him in ways he cannot imo.

Beel is another one of his favorites and he recognizes how hard he would fight to protect you even if his self control and strategies aren't the best.

Leviathan actually seems to be one of his least favorites if not the least favorite, but if you can soothe his anxiety and make him more "respectable" he'd feel proud of him imo.

Belphegor would give him mixed feelings. On one hand it's hard enough putting MC in the hands of anyone else, much less someone that's killed them.

On the other hand he would see it as ultimate proof that there aren't any hard feelings left and you're truly committed to the family.

It would depend on MC's personality and how well they enforced their boundaries with Belphegor.

Lucifer does have a bad habit of interfering "for their own good" when it comes to the people he loves after all.

Mammon:

He'd be worse off the closer you were, but ultimately he wouldn't try to force you into changing your mind if he believes you're truly happy.

It's not the first time he's sacrificed himself for his brothers, and he'd sacrifice himself for you as well at this point.

A romantically incompatible MC that still needed his protection would hurt Mammon the least imo. If MC was an easily overstimulated introvert he'd understand a lot more than an extroverted party animal turning him down.

He'd understand more easily why it wasn't him and still enjoy their time together for what it is.

I feel like he'd fall into the "big brother" role pretty easily in certain circumstances from the beginning anyway.

I think it'd still be possible (but not easy) for him to be vulnerable around a friend after a while too, especially if their relationship was more platonic to begin with.

Simeon would also be the worst person for Mammon to lose MC to. Ignoring the fact that he's probably a "better" choice for a protector and Mammon canonically complains about him while Simeon insults him in later chapters, he'd also know about Lucifer's feelings of betrayal and probably shares them.

"Too shiny" obviously isn't the real reason he holds that much resentment against them or why he seems to miss the angel days the least. Well, besides Satan of course.

Belphegor would leave him feeling uneasy too.

Mammon seemed to take that the hardest out of the brothers and it makes him feel especially bad that you chose your murderer over the one demon who's never seriously threatened or snapped at you.

He can't help but feel like maybe his "failure" to protect you caused you to lose faith in him and attach yourself to Belphegor as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Belphegor is the only brother he has a hard time not seriously interfering with and he still worries about you sometimes.

I feel like he'd feel the happiest for Lucifer.

Mammon's always looking out for him, even letting him use him as his punch bag (literally and figuratively,) and knows him the best out of all of the brothers.

He'd understand more than anyone how unlikely it'd be for him to find someone else to fall in love with and how this could potentially make him close himself off forever.

That's not to say he'd give up without a fight and wouldn't try to steal you away before you're sure, but he's the only one Mammon won't harass as much before you two are seriously dating.

It helps too that the kind of people who go for Lucifer typically aren't the same kind of people going for Mammon unless they're after everyone.

Beelzebub:

He'd be heartbroken, but this sweet, self-sacrificing demon would probably drop himself out of the race if he feels like his brothers need it more.

He feels selfish trying to "steal" MC away when he at least has Belphie to always stay by his side.

He feels especially bad for Belphie despite his contradictory reasoning, if he thinks you'd never agree having both of them that is. (He feels like Belphie should blame him for Lilith after all.)

So long as you still love him like a brother that's more than enough for him, eventually anyway.

That's if he fully recognizes his feelings though, something he has trouble with even if you actively pursue him. Otherwise he'd be sad for a while without knowing why until he suddenly just feels happy for you.

Not all of his romantic ignorance is genuine however, some of it is him hoping you'll come to your senses and pick someone "better."

He feels like even being with his brothers would be so much safer for you than him.

He can't stop his intrusive thoughts about what would happen if your tongue got caught on his sharp teeth on a particularly hungry day.

Could he really control himself the entire time you were together? Would he mess up again if he had to choose between you and Belphie?

Getting that attached to someone isn't something he wants to do in general, especially someone so fragile, but lately you haven't been giving him much of a choice...

Simeon would once again be the worst person for MC to choose.

I don't believe Beelzebub would ever fully forgive him for not helping Lilith and it only gets much worse if he falls for a similar reason to the one that got Lilith killed.

He'd also consider it a bit of a betrayal on MC's part and it would enhance his insecurities about his lack of control and demon form.

People may describe him as "angelic" and pure-hearted, but that doesn't mean he can compare to a literal angel.

How could someone who craves human flesh compete with someone who's never spilled human blood down their throat and cracked their bones to get to their marrow?

He's decimated entire cities, eating even the children with little remorse before. Beelzebub just feels like you deserve someone safer.

Leviathan:

On one hand he needs a friend more than anything and has seemed much more focused on that for most of season one.

Even then he usually reacts better to hugs than kisses, in that he actually believes it's genuine and not an accident somehow.

On the other hand he probably feels like MC is his only hope no matter how much they try to build him up.

Tbh I could even see him trying to force himself to date a MC he doesn't necessarily like that way just so he doesn't "die alone."

Leviathan isn't just an otaku, he's literally the avatar of envy. If his brothers are competing for "something" he has to try to compete and will feel jealous regardless if he likes MC that way or not imo.

Just the same as Beel needs to eat after a five course meal and Belphie needs to rest after doing nothing.

He'd probably mope for a while but eventually be grateful for the friend so long as you didn't lead him on (by Levi's standards.)

I also think he's pretty self-aware and he knows how toxic he could get and how dangerous it could be for you.

He does an amazing job of turning his jealousy inwards instead of outwards, but can he really keep that up the entire time when he likes you this much?

He's most likely stuck between wanting to push you away for your own good and trying to manipulate you into comforting him by proving your love, justifying it with "Well, I did warn them, It's not my fault they were too naïve to stay away."

I don't think there's any one person that'd be especially bad. If anything the better they are the more he'll let his envy convince him there was never any chance.

It’s his surprisingly efficient way of coping. It'd have to be someone below him, but there isn't really someone he thinks is truly below him in the Obey Me! cast.

Even Mammon has plenty of reasons Levi can point out for you to like him. Always envying others actually makes it really easy to see their good qualities.

...Actually it'd be Belphegor. Really MC? You chose the demon that killed you unprovoked and laughed at your corpse over a filthy otaku? Is he really so bad that you'd choose your own murderer over him? What is he saying, of course you'd choose anyone but him...

Asmodeous:

He'd really hate it in the beginning and would even take it out on you, but I feel like more than anything he needs a true friend.

Someone who loves him for who he is and not how he makes them feel.

It's more than possible to do this as a lover and he'd probably prefer that, but I do believe it'd be faster for him to believe you if you have zero sexual interest in him at all.

He might even hate you at first for rejecting him, but that would just make him feel even more loved and secure when you forgive him for it.

If you consistently spend time with him and support him even at his "ugliest" without wanting any sex in return it gives very little room for his insecurities to say it wouldn't happen without his powers or the promise of pleasure.

He can get sex and love, or "love," easily, but people who never try to turn friendship into something sexual don't really exist to him.

(He doesn’t seek them out in fear of being rejected.)

He gets so insecure thinking that everyone will leave if he's anything less than perfect appearance wise, that he tends to push partners away before they can.

It doesn't help that most people treat him like a toy they put back in drawer when they aren't horny anymore.

Very few people want to commit to someone who they think will never commit back and is known for cheating. Not just polyamory, but cheating even with poly.

Those that do are usually busy with their other lovers and we all know how much Asmo hates to not have someone's full attention.

Honestly he's the second cannon yandere imo. (Go through all of the answers when he believes you were only thinking about Belphie when you were with him. (MAJOR TW BTW!) See his yandere section here if you're unsure if you want to check.)

That's not to say open relationships would never work, but if anything he'd be far happier with closed poly where everyone is with everyone or at least with the brothers he gets along with or secretly feels better than. Even then he'd have to be your favorite.

I think the worst person for Asmo to lose to would also be Simeon. He represents something Asmo can never get back and he obviously wants it back when Simeon brings it up in canon.

Simeon also doesn't hesitate to get subtly nasty and hit people where it hurts when he feels like it, something that would counter Asmo's own remarks and leave him feeling humiliated.

Also you left the Avatar of Lust for an uptight virgin who probably doesn't even know how to please you? (Asmo's words not mine.)

Corrupting people is fun and all, he can't say he hasn't fantasized about ripping Simeon's halo off of him, but actually staying with Simeon after he falls or not trying to make him fall in the first place is unimaginable to Asmo.

Satan:

He would be sad of course, furious if they chose Lucifer, but in the end I feel like he'd be secretly grateful the fragile human wouldn't let him get close enough to hurt them.

I genuinely think he wouldn't really benefit that much more from a lover than a true friend if they spent the same amount of time together.

That's a big if though, considering it'd be hard to do in a normal relationship much less with the possessive Obey Me! cast.

I feel like between his logical nature, his own constant fight to be more than a mindless beast of destruction, and never really having experienced angelic views on humans directly he's the least in denial about the dangers of a human-demon relationship.

The other brothers may occasionally delude themselves that they're more "fallen angels" (emphasis on being angelic and not fallen) than true demons, but he can't.

Even entertaining and lovable humans are inherently prey in the same way that farmers that treat their pigs like pets still don't hesitate to slit their throat and dogs kill other animals in the heat of the moment while playing.

He can't help but worry about the consequences of losing control around you for even a second.

Can he really keep that up for the rest of your life? Maybe, but he doesn't think it counts if he's the one to end your life.

The only way to stay friends with him after choosing Lucifer is if you were never undecided between the two and NEVER treated him like your child or acted like another Lucifer.

Even if you didn't mean to make him feel that way, he'd still feel like he "lost" for being the "lesser Lucifer."

Don't try to get close to him just because you're dating Lucifer either, he'll notice and hate you for it.

Treat him like his own person completely unrelated to Lucifer and you'll be fine after the initial anger. Maybe not as friendly as before, but fine.

He's pretty much the only one who wouldn't feel personally betrayed by MC choosing Simeon, but it would increase his insecurities about being the only pure demon and one born of rage at that.

Choosing Diavolo or Barbatos would do the opposite to a small extent. Although those two are far more controlled than him, more controlled than any other demon he's ever heard of even, they are both still demons.

#obey me headcanons #Obey Me Imagines #Obey Me Belphegor #Obey Me Beelzebub #Obey Me Lucifer #Obey Me Leviathan #Obey Me Satan #Obey Me Asmodeus #Obey Me Mammon #Obey Me #imagines

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nacrelyses · 3 years

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normal album analysis as a musical: the child

first a disclaimer: i know this interpretation was not will wood’s intention in making the album, this is just how the music resonates with me and i hope it helps other people as well.

now following up on my last post about the normal album potentially being interpreted as the life of a queer child in a conservative family (tw internalized and external queerphobia, gaslighting, mental illness).

let’s call this ..hmm.

a normal musical: the child.

suburbia overture: the aforementioned overture, the establishment of the musical setting as your typical white picket fence upper middle class suburb nuclear family. traditional values, traditional lifestyle, traditional children, with the vampire culture segment foreshadowing the way that imposing conservative values and self-loathing on a closeted queer child “sucks” the life out of them.

2econd-2ight-2eer: when the child starts questioning, the very act of questioning defies the moral compass their family has set out for them. possibly reflecting the way that questioning and exploring one’s identity, in addition to being rife with internalized queerphobia, is also fraught with the self-gaslighting that comes as a result of the internalized queerphobia, which might make the child believe they’re simply “losing it” or that whatever they’re experiencing is a mental illness. also the first stanza: “my grip on my secrets slipping while i’m speaking in tongues, screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth” religious trauma much?

laplace’s angel: the child has begun to come to terms with the fact that they are most likely queer, and the complete deterioration of their family’s imposed conservative values. this is the phase where the internalized queerphobia still makes them feel as though they’ve become a bad or evil person, thus laplace’s angel being them internally pleading for the world and for society to see them as they really are rather than a villain deviating from the norm. that if others were in their shoes, they’d walk the “same damn miles”, the same damn crises, the same damn emotional turmoil, that the child is currently going through .

i/me/myself: gender cannonball...need i say more? maybe the child believes, as a product of internalized transphobia, that it would be easier if they were their assigned gender - or perhaps, depending on the individual, maybe the child is wishing to be able to exist as their true gender. in either scenario, this song encapsulates the desperation that comes with exploring identity. the freedom that arrives with a revelation and the immediate restriction that comes with realizing that that revelation can never be truly realized in a queerphobic family. or even the bitterness at knowing their family makes such a huge deal about queerness, that queerness is somehow a gigantic roadblock their family will never be able to cross. both realizing your identity and still grappling with the idea that if you were born into the “norm”, you wouldn’t need to go through all this pain to try and figure out who you really are. it’s the turmoil of being genuine in a society that would actively oppress you for doing so and putting up a facade that somewhat lessens the aforementioned pain, but at the cost of further internal suffering.

also, to my fellow genderqueer and gender nonconforming will wood fans (and let’s face it, which one of us isn’t?): i see you. i see your spotify listening activity. i see the loop button. i would ask if you’re okay but i know we’re not

...well, better than the alternative: parenting angst here, maybe alluding to the parents themselves perpetuating toxic cycles that they never had the opportunities to realize or heal from. the child is born amid these toxic cycles, and although this toxicity (the queerphobia, for example) is the norm in this suburban family, deep down the parents don’t want their child to turn out the way they do. meanwhile, on the other end, the child is feeling as though “everybody’s up in my goddamn business” - maybe the parents are starting to suspect that their child is less than cishet (or maybe the child has come out to them), and within their denial of their child not turning out the way they want them to, maybe they unconsciously realize that it’s their own toxic parenting styles that have made their child so afraid and secretive about who they really are. if this is the scenario that the child has come out to their parents, they have decided that even if they are existing in a conservative family, they will be existing as themselves. or if it is a closet scenario, the child has decided that they will continue to hide themselves from their family for their own safety. in either situation, the child believes that the decision they made is “better than the alternative”

(this song also makes me remember hospitals a lot so there’s that)

outliars and hyppocrates: we start off with some more religious (trauma) imagery. maybe the metaphor of the apple is trying to indicate to the parents, through the conservative lens of seeing queerness as something bad, that the child was not “brainwashed” or “taught” to be this way. that they simply are. the rest of the song grapples with that internalized queerphobia, maybe the child feeling that they are less than human because of their queerness but who’d want to be human, be the norm, anyway? if the child is made to feel Other, then they ought to embrace and wear and own that Otherness - out of defiance, out of desperation, but ultimately out of a need for survival.

blackboxwarrior: i want to focus on the chorus here. the child’s mental struggles are exacerbated by the lack of acceptance they receive from their immediate environment, but the chorus acts as sort of a defiance against their internalized queerphobia. so what if their parents’ values portray queerness as an illness, something that will kill you? if it was going to kill the child, it would have by now; and it hasn’t, so surely the child is heading in a right direction to be exploring and reclaiming their identity. and then the bridge - “growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?” ties back to i/me/myself’s grappling with the idea of self and existence in one’s body. growing up, how was the child’s relationship with the environment that dictated how they ought to exist and be perceived? and “what, you think ideas spread because they're good? / no, they spread because people like them” can be pointing to the conservative ideas that are perpetuated by the child’s family. these ideas do not spread because they’re good. they spread because the family wants an excuse from some higher power to discriminate against those they feel are outliers from the norm. “so here we are once again, holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror / i guess it's just something people do” can be pointing to how the way the child is trying to come to terms with their identity is by overcoming the toxic ways of thought that their parents taught them, and which their parents are still bound by. if the parents are to find out that their child is queer, their reaction will be to ask, “why? we don’t understand you?” but they are really only talking to the mirror, to the reflection they have constructed that they believe their child to be. their child is not that reflection, and they are going in circles, but that’s just what people do, i guess.

finally, the bridge being formatted sort of like one’s first session with a therapist or psychiatrist leads into marsha, thankk you for the dialectics.

marsha, thankk you for the dialectics: a heavily psychiatry-based song. marsha thankk is about the intertwining of the self with the illness and i value that meaning a lot. i can’t think of another way, nor do i particularly want to think of another way, to embed this song’s meaning into the child. it has grown obvious by this point that the child has their own mental illnesses to grapple with - whether they arose as a need to cope within their toxic home environment, or out of other factors, is not particularly important to be clarified. i would say that the meaning of this song in this musical is just what it was originally intended to be - the child, on their path to recovery, slowly separating those toxic coping mechanisms from themselves in order to really realize their identity.

love, me normally: i wrote a long ass post about this at 12am this morning.

memento mori: the musical’s closure. this song embodies a lot of nihilism about one’s existence and one’s meaning in existence, and i would like to think that this song being the musical’s closure is not closure in the sense that it gives you a “where are they now” glimpse, or that it gives you the final direction that the child has decided to head in. rather, memento mori exists in this musical as the child’s innermost thoughts about their own existence as somebody who seemingly defies the (supposed cishet) order of the universe. it is the child’s darkest, most shadowed and hidden ruminations about their life and what their death may bring, if anything at all. throughout the child’s life, throughout the musical, these thoughts have only been hidden, obscured and glimpsed in passing when the lyrical puzzles of the normal album’s previous songs unfurl (think, “if it was gonna kill you boy, it would have by now” and “am i pretty enough to fucking die” and “good news for the purists, they’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive / it’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure, but very few patients survive”, etc). but as the musical’s finale, memento mori brings these thoughts into their very antithesis - into the light. it illuminates the rawness of the child’s pain in learning to accept and love themselves. it brings these thoughts into tangible and articulated reality for two reasons:

for the audience, as both a warning of the results of such a toxic and intolerant family/environment and an articulation of the thoughts perhaps many of us, ourselves, have to contend with at some point in our lives.

and for the child themselves, so that they can fully realize these thoughts. so that they can parse them, articulate them, unlearn them, and begin to heal.

memento mori in this musical is, paradoxically, a song about death that encourages life to heal.

anyways that’s what i’ve got so far now i have homework i should...do....oh god-

#will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #the normal album #suburbia overture #2econd 2ight 2eer #laplace's angel #i/me/myself #well better than the alternative #outliars and hyppocrates #blackboxwarrior #marsha thankk you for the dialectics #love me normally #memento mori #the normal album analysis #will wood analysis

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ryuichirou · 3 years

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Can you make your top 10 aot characters that have a good development? Like Eren and Reiner are considered to be the best characters as 'characters' themselves

Anon… dear Anon, you’ve been waiting for like a month I think, I’m so sorry. I took this ask waaay too seriously lol, but yeah, I can’t postpone it for any longer…

I know you asked for top 10, and this is a numbered list, but I wouldn’t call it a proper ranking, so the place doesn’t really matter all that much. Otherwise this list would’ve taken even longer, I’m very serious about lists, it seems lol

Before I start I want to mention (just in case): I feel like “character development” isn’t always about becoming better at something. Sometimes you can become “worse”; sometimes you can get “better” and then fall back to your old ways. It’s just how the character changes, and the trajectory of that change can be very different for different characters.

1. Eren. I can talk about Eren for hours and hours, and I have talked about him a lot, so I’ll try to be quick this time.

Eren’s journey is very interesting and enjoyable to read. He’s such an unusual main character. So aggressive at first, unlikable to some (not to us lol we adored him since day one), loud and stubborn. But it’s super cool to watch this hurricane of a person, especially as he gets calmer, starts controlling his emotions little by little, learns more stuff and understands the situation around him better.

I think I’ll talk about how perspective and knowing a bigger picture change the way character acts a lot in this post, but Eren is an ultimate example of this. He got every single thing: past, present, future, drilled in his head at one fucking moment. He didn’t get a bigger picture, he got the biggest 5d picture with special effects. And he had no one to share that with: he had to deal with it himself, knowing that he himself is the reason for everything that’s happening. It makes my head hurt to even think about that lol It’s cool and unnerving to watch Eren, who’s used to be such a fireball of a character, to just get… quiet and apathetic. We don’t know what he’s thinking about, we don’t know what’s going on anymore, even though his emotions were always the most obvious thing about him. It’s almost scary.

And the interesting thing about it is that nothing really changed about his feelings, at least I think so. Ultimately, the only thing he wanted is for his friends to be happy and live long lives, and who knows, maybe he saw that the “freedom” he was initially seeking for himself doesn’t really exist. This is up to debate and definitely not for this post though lol

2. Reiner. Ohh Reiner. He was one of the characters who wasn’t all that interesting to me personally at first, but as he got more and more complex and emotional, I fell in love with him more and more. This isn’t a numbered list, but he is definitely one of the best written characters. And what’s cool about him is that we see the reason for him being the way he is throughout the story: why he wanted to become a hero, why his mental state got so bad, why he was conflicted, why he got so depressed and why he was able to take responsibility for his actions. I love it when the story breaks its characters, and Reiner is certainly one of the most broken ones. His lower point (when he almost killed himself + cried and asked Eren to kill him) was very beautiful and painful to read, because we know why he feels that way and we know how smug and brave he was at the very beginning of the show/manga. And we know that it was all a lie, which makes everything even tastier.

And as much as I love broken characters, I’m kind of glad Reiner found strength to continue fighting and to take responsibility for his actions (to some degree, at least). Not only he saw a bigger picture, he actually learned how to live with it. I’m so happy they discussed the Marco incident with Jean, and that after Annie told that it was her who took his gear, Reiner stood up and said that Annie was following his orders. He also apologized to Annie for everything he did to her and Bert.

Basically, Reiner went from wanting to be a hero to acting like a hero, then to being an actual hero to Marley and feeling like shit anyways, then to just being a human being, something like that. And that scene with his mom hugging him and being happy for him being alive is actually a very sweet and satisfying moment. Especially considering how much Reiner wanted to die lol

3. Zeke. I’ve talked about it in one of the replies about ch137, but I love how Zeke went from “I shouldn’t have been born” to “maybe small moments of happiness make everything worth it” at the very end of his life (what a cruel irony to realise that just before you die). Not only the character develops and changes, our view of him changes as well: I think Zeke was universally hated when he first appeared, but then he became more fun (dude’s too charismatic), and then he became sympathetic and vulnerable. All of this was always inside Zeke, but it was hidden since Zeke is a lying snake. See, Zeke is smart, but he’s super sure that his views are the only valid ones and that his idea of freeing Eldians is the only solution. His views are surprisingly black and white: I suffered, Eren suffered and our dad is bad. And no one challenged his beliefs until they walk through Grisha’s memories with Eren in ch120-121, and then he realized that Eren didn’t suffer at all and their dad is actually just a person who really regretted being a horrible father to his first son. I love that he got some closure with Grisha because he held that grudge for his entire life.

4. Grisha. He has a rollercoaster ride of a development lol: at first he was an innocent boy, then he became an angry boy, and then he kind of calmed his anger down for some time? But after learning what actually happened to Faye, his emotional wounds got open and all that rage blinded him again. And then, after being outed by Zeke, he lost everything, but had a harsh realization that by being driven by his anger only, he completely forgot not to be a shitty dad. He basically had a second chance in life, with a much better perspective about what’s going on, but now he has his younger son’s ghost haunting him and telling him to do thing he never thought he’d do. At different points of the story Grisha feels both like a mastermind behind things and like a pawn who doesn’t have a choice even if he just wants to live a peaceful and happy life with his wife and kids. The irony of him killing a bunch innocent kids when this whole story started because he got his little sister killed? Delicious. Oh, and I really love the fact that he realised that he screwed up as dad and apologized to Zeke. He loved his kids a lot: Zeke, Eren and Mikasa too (he called her his daughter after all).

5. Erwin. Way more interesting than people give him credit for. He’s mostly adored for being a badass, but he also has his own flaws that he had to deal with. He’s like a moth that’s drawn to the light, but right after burning himself and dying he kind of did “the right thing” that he had to do as a commander. Now, for me it isn’t really about Erwin ending up doing “the right thing” to be honest: we would probably adored him is he ditched everyone and ran to the basement because his selfish desires ended up being more important to him. But that scene where he confessed to Levi that he really wanted to find that basement and just told him everything about his capricious and selfish childish desires, talked about how he lied to everyone including Levi basically just to prove his dad’s point… it was beautiful, because it was basically “I have to do it, haven’t I? But I really don’t want to”. His character development is interesting in a sense that at first he was getting gradually more and more psychotic about his dream, doing crazy things even when he knows it might not be the best choice possible (like him risking his life instead of staying behind), but at the very end he stopped to think and… well we know the rest lol

6. Armin. I remember people saying that Armin is just a narrator-like character who is here to explain thing (I probably thought so too at first), but this is so unfair. It’s easy to make someone like Armin into this trope, and to leave him being a very one-dimensional dreamer who’s smart but naive. And Armin is so much more than that. Throughout the story he has a lot of “I should have been the one who died” moments, and I love that this is such a prominent issue for him, but he still got over it somehow. Armin was kind of lost at the beginning, but found his role. And wow, he had to go through it again after he was chosen instead of Erwin, because the burden on his shoulders just got 100 kg heavier lol He also got less naïve and more cunning with time and got much better at emotional manipulation, I think. While preferring a dialogue over violence, Armin still isn’t pure, and he acknowledges that constantly, especially after his first kill, and things got even worse since that point, which definitely changed him. But his violence-loathing (kind of…) core is still there.

Armin ended up playing a much bigger role in the story than I thought he would be, I really love it. He has his moments of weakness, but he still pushes forward and takes responsibility and does his best. Oh and let’s pretend that the Annie thing never happened, it doesn’t contribute anything to his character anyway.

7. Jean. I think Jean is the first character who starts showing character growth, and I believe his development is the reason he was Isayama’s favourite for some time. Tbh, I don’t find Jean annoying even at the very beginning: yeah he’s selfish, but he’s self-aware about it, he’s a realist. And he’s still a realist, but his conscience wouldn’t let him just have an easy life while everyone else’s suffering. I always feel like Jean is a spoiled mamaboy, so it’s great to see him showing that he can put others before himself. He also had an inner conflict similar to Armin’s: is it right to kill innocent people if you have to? Is it ok to kill not-so-innocent people because they’re against you? I really like this theme in SnK just in general.

8. Gabi. It’s no secret that I adore Gabi lol, and I think her character development is great. She was in her element when we first met her: she was confident, she was doing her best and succeeding, she knew the world around her so well, and then Eren took everything from her. People like to hate Gabi for killing Sasha and for being aggressive on Paradis, but I think it’s great that she didn’t have an overnight change of heart. It’s great that Isayama showed us her shock and her raw emotions, it’s more than natural for a child with her upbringing, even if it’s messed up. But I love it when stories take characters that are great at what they do, and they take them out of their element, to show them at their worst: lost, angry, broken and confused. I love that she understood everything herself and not because Falco told her “hey they’re people too” that one time. She had to go through this hell to figure everything out, and I think it’s great.

9. Historia. Historia was one of the least interesting characters for me (and for a lot of people, Yams included) at the beginning, and tbh I think it’s brilliant: we never saw anything in her; she was just a waifu material who’s nice to others. It felt fake and boring, well, because it was indeed fake and boring, and to this day I cannot believe that that was the entire point. I love how Ymir made Historia realise that she needs to think for herself, but what’s interesting about all that is that after Ymir left, she almost came back to her old habits. Which is also a development, and a very interesting one. The end of S2 was a high point for her (when she told Ymir that she isn’t scared of anything when they’re together), and then there was a very low point (when Ymir left), and then a high point again (when she remembered Ymir and Frieda and decided to act upon her own desires). She’s one of my faves now because of all that… It’s sad she didn’t have a bigger role post-timeskip, but I still appreciate her story for what it is.

10. Oh god this is so hard to pick one and this post is already so long… can I just give you a bunch of quick honorable mentions?

Annie (who was a loner that couldn’t really trust anyone but ended up showing her vulnerable and emotional side), Hange (started out enthusiastic and eager to learn more only to meet more pain and disappointment, crumbling under the pressure, but ultimately remembering her amusement with titans), Levi (granted it’s very subtle, but him going through Kenny’s death, Erwin’s death and his promise to him, realization that he’s been killing people all this time and other stuff fascinating and huge leaving a mark on him), Ymir (who got hurt and decided not to trust anyone anymore and to act selfishly, but ended up sacrificing herself anyway lol)…. God, these short description sucks, they can’t describe them properly. Also there are so much of them that I think have good development, and I’m 100% missing someone… but I think I’m done for now. Katsu I’m sorry for making you read all this.

That you for this ask, Anon <3 and sorry again for being so late

#replies #snk meta

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sepublic · 3 years

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From Understanding Willow to Agony of a Witch

I think Understanding Willow is in some ways foreshadowing to Agony of a Witch, as well as the flashback in Young Blood, Old Souls; Specifically Amity, and the way she handles hurting her close friend Willow, and how that parallels how Lilith hurt Eda…

The first time Amity hurts Willow, both herself AND Willow are being threatened here. In Agony of a Witch, Belos threatens to kill Lilith by the end of the day if she doesn’t deliver Eda to him; Not only that, but Lilith has been told by Belos that he’ll cure Eda of her curse if she does so. Lilith knows the curse is worsening, that Eda hates it and wants it gone- And we also know from Eda herself that it’s going to deliver her to a ‘fate worse than death’.

Amity is being threatened by her own parents, which- It’s asking a LOT for an abused kid to stand up to that. But not only that, Willow’s chances at Hexside are directly threatened, and Amity couldn’t imagine ruining Willow’s academic future! And while I doubt Willow would’ve enjoyed losing her chance at Hexside; I feel like had she known the full context, she wouldn’t have valued enrollment at the school THAT much, just as Eda hates the curse, but isn’t willing to have it cured if it means joining Belos. Amity and Lilith make this sort of choice for their loved one, without really telling them or giving them any agency in it; Likely because it hurts a lot for them to admit that the person they’re serving is terrible. For Lilith, she’d be admitting to Eda that yes, Belos IS a tyrant that she’s been serving; And Amity, she’s an abused kid, and I imagine it’s super uncomfortable to admit what her parents are like to anyone, even her best friend.

Then in the present-day, Amity goes behind Willow’s back to burn her memory photo; And while I can see her having some semblance of altruism behind the act, ultimately it was done in selfish motive, possibly to preserve Amity’s friendship with Luz, for fear that Luz would judge her after hearing how Amity broke ties with Willow. When Lilith and Eda had to duel to join the Emperor’s Coven, Lilith also goes behind Eda’s back to curse her; And while I’m sure she also justified it in her head with the idea of Eda being so talented that she could join the Emperor’s Coven another time anyway (just as Amity could’ve reasoned that Willow wouldn’t want this painful memory), it was still done for selfish reasons.

Lilith wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven… And she cast a curse that should’ve been way more simple, way less disastrous, than it actually was; Just like how Amity burned the memory photo, and only expected THAT photo to burn; But then the rest did, starting a process that would’ve destroyed Willow’s mind, while also igniting (ba-dum tsss) some very powerful grief and rage within her former friend. Both Lilith and Amity acted selfishly to harm their loved one, believing the actual effects would be way less than what they ended up being… And unlike Amity, Lilith wasn’t able to undo the damage.

(It’s also worth noting that Lilith didn’t have a ‘Luz’ to guide her, to tell her that what she did was wrong; While also providing Lilith the opportunity and support to fix the actual problem. I just think that’s important to remember when it comes to this show’s themes of loneliness and how that can really effect one’s relationships and handling of issues.)

Of course, Lilith and Amity also contrast as well, as they’re not exact copies of one another; Lilith’s selfish decision came in the past, Amity’s in the present; With Lilith’s more forced decision happening in the present, while Amity’s occurred in the past. Lilith’s second mistake was in some ways done to remedy what she’d done; While Amity’s was to hide what she did. In Understanding Willow, we’re led to assume the worst of Amity, but then find out the story was more nuanced than we were led to believe; While with Lilith, we’re led to believe that she’s trying to cure her sister out of the goodness of her heart, and she IS… But then we learn that she’s also fixing a problem that shecaused. Amity’s actions are re-contextualized as more sympathetic, whilst Lilith’s become much darker.

However, even though Amity’s side of the story DOES make her rejection of Willow come across as a lot less cruel and painful, and in some ways altruistic… It was still bad. And I think that’s interesting, that Amity recognizes that it’s valid to tell her side of the story regarding what happened, to at least get that out of the way; But she also acknowledges that it hardly excuses what she did, that Amity still messed up and she has to change her behavior to fix things. While Inner Willow does briefly calm down and reconsider everything that happened with the new information, Amity still makes a point that she still failed Willow in ways she didn’t need to; And that she needs to make up for what she’s done, apologize, and change her behavior.

Amity never suggests nor insinuates that Willow should be grateful, that Willow should forgive her- If anything, Amity resists telling the truth, possibly because she refuses to defend herself. Amity thinks that what she did to Willow was so deplorable that it doesn’t need an explanation, because that wouldn’t change what she did. But in the end, Amity tells the truth- Possibly because she’s learning to vouch for herself with Luz’s encouragement… But mostly, I imagine, because Amity knows that Willow deserves closure as part of the healing process. That even if Amity was doing what seemed like the best decision at the time, Willow still deserves to know the truth, just to give her that peace of mind.

This is different from Lilith, who refuses to tell Eda about why she cursed her sister, about why she’s willing to take Luz hostage; Likely out of more cowardice, but also some degree of pride. Again, Lilith probably doesn’t want to admit that her revered Emperor is actually a terrible person for threatening her, to Eda’s face. Lilith never explains her side of the story to give Eda some comfort, that at least Lilith had to be forced to do this; And she definitely doesn’t explain why the curse happened, for plenty of selfish reasons, alongside potentially not wanting to hurt Eda with that kind of knowledge of betrayal. When Lilith DOES initially confess, she does so out of spite; While Amity does it out of a sense of care.

Then there’s Lilith explaining her side of the story a second time, regarding why she cursed Eda; And while she tells it to Luz (because Eda isn’t there), it at least gives closure to the girl, who can later pass it on to Eda if Lilith can’t. It reassures Luz that Lilith isn’t THAT terrible, that she did mean well, or at least not nearly as terribly- And thus she can be counted on for wanting to fix her mistakes.

In short, Understanding Willow foreshadows Agony of a Witch, in that both episodes have a witch who’s forced to hurt their loved one, under duress of both themselves AND their loved one. Lilith and Amity both thought they were doing the best possible option in that scenario, while also protecting the loved one they were hurting; But in the end, they still caused pain, and neither Eda nor Willow owe them forgiveness. Similarly, Lilith and Amity don’t want to admit their side of the story, because it means acknowledging that they’re unhappy, that they’re being forced to do this and lack agency; And it involves admitting to others that the people they look up to in their lives, are actually terrible.

There’s also foreshadowing to Lilith’s flashback in Young Blood, Old Souls; And how an explanation shouldn’t detract from the apology… After Lilith confesses, she briefly insinuates (whether or not she believes it or if she’s just doing damage control) that her explanation would make Eda less hurt, and in many ways that makes sense… But it’s also clearly done because Lilith believes that Eda will be more inclined to forgive her, while with Amity, she doesn’t seem to expect much, if any sympathy… Lilith seems to hope that additional context will make Eda less hurt; But Amity knows that while Willow deserves context, she also deserves an actual change in behavior, whilst Lilith continues with trying to capture Eda, and even threatens Luz’s life to do so.

Lilith realizes this, and that’s why in Young Blood, Old Souls, she both gives her a long-due explanation for the curse, and THEN follows up by actually changing her behavior; Helping Luz rescue Eda. Because even if context is needed, it doesn’t make up for an apology; Actual changed behavior is also needed. When Lilith realized she first cursed Eda, she tried to change her behavior initially by finding a cure, but she didn’t tell the truth. Then when Lilith told the truth about the curse, she didn’t change her behavior and kept using Luz as a hostage, while trying to capture Eda; Only by doing both, by telling the truth AND changing her behavior, did Lilith begin to make things right with Eda. Now she’s begun to reconnect with her sister after so long… Thereby providing a happiness and closure that was long-due.

These similarities make sense, Lilith and Amity ARE narrative parallels after all! By the end of the day, they recognize that they still irreparably hurt a loved one, and shouldn’t expect them to be grateful that they didn’t hurt them as much as they could have; ‘For your own good’ does not justify hurting a loved one, even if that motive does provide more nuance and closure, as well as a reassurance that they weren’t hurt pointlessly, needlessly- At least, that was not the intention. Because knowing what happened and explaining yourself, let’s that person know they weren’t hurt for no reason, and that if there’s good intent behind actions; That good intent can be repurposed to be actually constructive, helpful, meaningful! Because they DO want to help, really, and they need guidance on how to do so- They’re not someone acting with planned malice, the way ‘jerks who want to debate aren’t coming from a place of intellectual honesty’, as Luz would put it!

And ultimately, I think it plays a role into why Eda will sometimes explain, upon questioning by Luz, her own thought process behind certain unusual ideas or teaching methods, as a reassurance that she DOES care and want the best… Which in turn shows Luz that Eda is willing to respond to criticism, because she’s acting in good faith, or trying to- And that means Luz feels safe to voice her own ideas, because she knows that Eda will legitimately take them into account, this time really, for Luz’s own good. It’s an open, honest communication, and showing that your loved one’s input really did have an impact. It’s why I think Lilith and Amity could really benefit to learn from Eda, because if they’d been more open and honest with those they cared about, been willing to reach out and admit that they need help- A LOT of issues could’ve been avoided. And while sometimes it can be too little, too late; Oftentimes it’s better late, than never.

#the owl house #toh #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house willow #willow park #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house luz #luz noceda #meta #foreshadowing #analysis

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pollylynn · 3 years

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Title: A Trembling Of WC: 1800

“How’s that for love?” — Tildy Maguire, For Better or Worse (6 x 23)

He loves her and he fears her. These are the anchoring points of their relationship—the anchoring points of his whole world, these days, and three words from a city employee should not be able to pry them up and set the two of them adrift. Proof of divorce? Nothing in this or any other universe should be able to pry them up and set the two of them adrift, and yet here they are. He loves her no less—he could never love her any less—but right now, he fears for her, and that is a rip in the very fabric of reality. But how can he do otherwise?

Here she is, silent in the back of the cab. She has not said—will not say—one word as they lurch their way through the horrors of late afternoon traffic in Manhattan, and he’d like to think it’s the inadequate privacy offered by the plexiglass barrier that has sealed her lips. He’d like to believe that she’s so enchanted by the memory of the days when Paul Sorvino or Joe Torre or Eartha Kitt reminded New York taxi passengers to buckle up, take their belongings, get a receipt before exiting the back seat, she has nothing to say about the present. He’d like to believe that three words from a city employee have not fundamentally altered her lovable, fear-inspiring self, and yet . . .

Here she is, finally home, and yet there is nothing like relief here. There is nothing like relief anywhere in sight. Here she is with her head in her hands, and they’re telling his mother, they’re telling his daughter, because they kind of have to tell them. They very probably are kind of going to have to tell everyone, but this tiny test balloon at him is so awful.

His mother—she of the child-producing one-night stand with a probable sociopath is volubly incredulous: Who is Rogan O’Leary? His daughter—she of the lease with the bee-counting, continent-hopping, passport-losing peace disturbing Pi is volubly appalled: And you married him? He of an untold number of colossal mistakes in the personal and professional realms, in the public eye and in private, is damnably smug: And here I thought you were a one and done kind of girl.

He regrets it the instant it’s out of his mouth. He bounces around the tattered remnants of reality. He goes back in time and regrets it, except there is a moment, there is an instant, there is the merest spark of absolute fury behind her eyes, and he feels the world come right. He feels reality knitting itself back up again. He feels himself quaking in his bespoke boots, secure in the knowledge that she will make him pay, and he is fine with that. He is absolutely fine.

He loves her and he fears her, these are the anchors of his entire world, gloriously restored, and that is just as it should be.

*****************************

He loves her and he fears her and he loves her just that little bit more when everything fearsome about her is directed at someone else. Oh, how he loves being able to watch the fireworks from minimum safe distance, so he’s excited when she sets off for Willow Creek. He’s racked with guilt and uncertainty, too, because she’s going alone and he worries that it’s self-flagellation—that it’s an occasion to be afraid for her—but ultimately, he’s excited.

She is determined when she leaves. She has her keys clutched in her fist and she won’t take an overnight bag.

“Not even a toothbrush?” He turns up the innocence. It’s a calculated risk. It’s more fuel for the fire that burning in her, fierce and bright now, and it works.

“Not. Even. A toothbrush.” She enunciates each and every letter. She grabs the front of his shirt with her free hand and reels him in until they’re sharing air molecules. “Won’t need it.”

And then she’s gone, but not gone.

She is on the other end of the phone as soon as she has hunted down her soon-but-not-soon-enough-to-be ex. She is fierce, roaring as she rails against the stupidity of the quest he’s sent her on.

“Like he’s the damned Wizard of Oz,” she snarls.

“More like the Wizard of Id,” he quips. He’s thinking about being eighteen and all primitive instinct. He’s thinking about drunken nights on the strip and impulse weddings. He’s not really thinking, and it’s fuel for the fire. He swears she’s scorched his ear, she’s scorched the whole side of his brain closest to the phone, so maybe that’s a little too much fuel.

Except he thinks that might be what sustains her through the abduction of Rogan, through the indifference and grudging pity of the local constabulary. He tells himself on his own frantic drive up to Willow Creek that he’s managed to make her spitting mad enough that she’s not sitting there, alone, with her head in her hands.

It’s true. It’s mostly true that she’s down to embers when he gets there, but there’s more than enough Logan-related fury to go around. There’s coma wife and the sheer madness of digging through his pornographic electronic mash notes. There are bikers and strippers and a murderous mob boss. There is an entire Logan-based mad, mad, mad, mad world and she is definitely mad about it.

She is quick thinking and—other than a few slightly moist moments about the dress—she is laser focused on getting this done. She is mean to Logan, and after the whole Man Parts contretemps, that is a delight and a turn on and the world turning beautifully on its axis precisely as it should turn.

She is a warrior goddess, hell bent on marrying him—him—and he is blown away by that honor and privilege.

He loves her. He fears her. He’s going to marry her.

*********************

He loves her. He just loves her. It’s hard for them to part ways in stupid Willow Creek, but there’s really nothing for it. She has her car, and he has his. He has to get to the city. He has to start the paperwork on its warp speed journey through the system, and she has to get to the Hamptons to figure out what she’s going to wear.

“I’m all for nothing at—“

She cuts that off with a twist of his ear that takes him right back to the beginning—right back to when she was Our Lady of Smug, patron saint of the One and Done Girl—and that makes it really hard to part ways, because he would love to get in some last-minute fear and trembling in one back seat or the other before she makes an honest man of him. He really would but there’s just no time. He has to settle for backing her up hard against the driver’s side door of her car and kissing the life out of her. He has to settle for the same as she backs him up hard against the passenger side door of his car where it’s pulled up alongside hers. They have to settle for peeling their bodies apart, breathless, eager, and reluctant, all at once.

“Be safe,” she breathes, her forehead pressed against his. “Hurry, but be safe.”

“You, too.” He steals one last kiss, then hurries around the hood to slide behind the wheel, to get on with it.

He’s not three miles down the road when his phone rings through the car’s bluetooth. He feels an eager grin spread across his face as he thumbs the button. “Miss me already?”

“No,” she retorts immediately, adamantly. “Yes,” she admits slowly, reluctantly. “Shut up,” she orders, shooting an arrow of fear right through his heart, though it softens—it downright melts—when she adds, “Keep me company.”

He does. He keeps her company, though there’s not a lot of heavy lifting involved. She wants to talk—a positivity rarity for her—and other than her, there’s little he loves more in this stitched-up, much-mended reality than to listen when the mood strikes her. So he listens as she wanders far and wide, as she roams through the month or so of Rogan, and when the time is right, he is going to have so many follow-up questions about where Eddie Vedder’s jean jacket wound up and exactly how far she can chuck a hoagie while running down the strip full tilt.

It’s not all fun and games, though. How could it be? But it’s okay. He loves her. He loves her, and when it comes to the place where this was always leading, he’s there. He’s on the other end of the phone. He’s listening.

“I was married then. When my mom died.” Her voice is even. It’s controlled, though he can hear her heaving a shaky sigh. “I told her the whole saga.” Another shaky sigh.”Almost the whole saga with Rogan. We laughed about it.” There’s a silence long enough that he’s worried the call has dropped, but her voice fills up the speakers again. “I feel like I have to . . . confess to her or something. Give her a chance to say I told you so. I feel like I owe her that.”

It’s a heartsore place for things to land. He doesn’t have a joke or anything gallant locked and loaded, but that doesn’t feel right anyway. He’d tear another hole in the fabric of reality if he could. He’d give her closure. He will give her closure if he can—a trip to her mom’s grave with her hand in his, a letter written and burned, its ashes scattered on the wind, whatever she wants, he’ll do.

“I’m okay, Castle,” she says quietly, she says knowing he was wondering. “Really.”

“I know you are,” he says, and it’s true. “I’m glad you are.”

That’s true, too, in the most comprehensive sense. He is glad she’s okay. He is glad of whoever, whatever, however she is in any given moment.

He hears the road beneath his own tires, the road beneath hers. She stays on the line, though she is quiet now and a little sad. She wants things he can’t give her—he hasn’t yet devised a way to give her—and that’s a little maddening. But she is more than okay, and he is more than okay with that. She is fierce and fear-inducing and lonely for her mom and a little bit raw right now.

He loves her and he fears her. He has the twin anchors for his whole world on the other end of the line. That’s as it should be.

A/N: A group of finches is called a trembling. That is a thing. This is not a thing. It is an uneven atrocity, not a thing.

images via homeofthenutty

#Castle #Caskett #Castle: Season 6 #Castle: For Better or Worse #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Martha Rodgers #Alexis Castle #Johanna Beckett #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #Interrogatives?

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thegreenfairy13 · 4 years

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No Country For Heroes (7)

Originally a Gobblepot one-shot written for the prompt ‘beg’ by the wonderful @justsimplymeagain this turned into a full story.

Plot: the GCPD turns Jim in for Oswald’s protection. He vows to make Jim love him by using Strange’s brainwashing device.

Warning for mature content. You can read the full piece here on Ao3.

Jim can feel his sanity dissipating. Everything is on fire. Molten sand turns into glass, turns into sand once more. She, Gotham, is crumbling before his eyes, shattering like glass. Glass used to be sand. He feels it in the back of his mouth, that taste of saffron and oranges.

He’s happy.

Jim laughs. Everything is yellow and red, burning down before his eyes, the entire skyline is made of glass as his father drives him through the night.

He’s without a care in the world.

Long, elegant fingers around the steering wheel, the flash of a blade, a purple ring on his little finger.

He has never been safer.

He’ll never be safe again.

Why do you want to be a hero?

Jim knows the voice but he can’t place it.

His father taught him to be a good man, to put everyone else before him. When he’s gone, his mother will kneel down before him, ask him to be the man his father used to be, just better.

It’s what he was always supposed to be: better.

His father had been incorruptible, honest, just. He would have never made a deal with the mob, would have never allowed for this city to taint him - unlike his son.

His son had been weak, fallible, corrupt. When the situation called for it, he’d team up with the mob and forget where he came from.

The shame is burning through him like the remnants of this city.

Jim blinks, and the light is gone. What is left is the silvery glow of a blade in pale moonlight. The Don picks it up, cuts deep into his own palm until the blood oozes out, takes his father’s outstretched hand, does the same on him, and presses their hands together.

The mobster smirks. He’s Don Falcone, Jim knows, but he’s wearing the Penguin’s face.

I offered you my hand so often. He sounds solemn and Jim nods in return.

He always wanted to be like his father. He should just have taken that darn hand.

Tell me, did this city get better? The voice becomes more urgent, pressing.

Jim can only shake his head as they drive past the police station. He takes a look at the ground, presses his fingers into his ears to block out the screams. People are starving in the streets, and it was his doing.

“I never wanted this,” Jim manages, huge, terrified eyes trained on the Penguin, Oswald.

“I know,” he replies, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Everything Jim ever did lead to the bridges collapsing, to the city getting engulfed in chaos.

“I just wanted to get rid of the corruption, to cut it out,” he tells him honestly.

Oswald sighs. He understands.

In any other city but Gotham, he might have succeeded. What he didn’t understand, though, was how the mob had been protecting her in its own rights. Jim could not have known that the citizens’ tribute to the gangsters kept a greater darkness, a more dangerous madness, at bay.

He can see it now. None of this would have happened with a strong leader uniting them all against someone like Jerome, someone who only seeks chaos.

Jim arrives in Gotham. It’s his first day, he’s full of hope, idealistic. He swears never to mistreat a suspect, calls anyone and everyone out all the time. He wants to be an example of the change he hopes to bring to the city.

It doesn’t even take 40 days for him to break his rules.

And he keeps tearing through this city, shaking up the old order, sowing destruction.

He goes to Oswald, asks for help, once, twice, twenty times. Keeps telling himself this will be the last time, that after this, he’ll be good again, stick to the rules. It’s everything for the greater good.

And he does save them, doesn’t he? It keeps getting better, doesn’t it?

It doesn’t.

In the beginning, he would fight psychopaths and dangerous murderers. In the end, he’s up against shadow-societies and genetically enhanced monsters. The women coming too close too him lose their minds, his baby-girl pays the ultimate price.

This wouldn’t have happened with you at my side.

There’s this whisper again. Yet it’s more than a slight buzz in his ear anymore. It’s a wild roar, a desperate scream, and Jim can’t unhear it any longer.

It’s true, though. He had always been better with Oswald at his side, the city had been more stable, they had been safe.

And there had always been that goddamn attraction. This pull, this need to get into Oswald’s hair again, to be close to him, ask for his advice, team up with him. He’d been under his skin from that day on the pier on.

He could never merely leave him be, tried cutting ties with him more than once, and only ended up facing him once more. And when it all became too much, he looked for another gangster to replace the old one, went back to the Falcone’s, fought fire with fire, only to get burnt.

Giving in would have been so much easier.

Jim looks up at his father still driving the car. “I want to be like you when I grow up,” he tells him seconds before the crash.

This time, the pain in Jim’s head is pure agony. He spasms in his seat, mouth opening in a silent scream. His entire body is on fire, there’s not a single cell in his body left that doesn’t beg for it all to fade, to just go away, for him to finally give in.

Jim can’t do this anymore.

He’d rip the flesh from his arms, thinking in his delusion that if he could only shed his skin, the pain would become tolerable again.

Oswald studies him calmly while he flails helplessly. There’s not a single emotion on his face other than serene calm.

“Mercy,” Jim thinks, or asks, or demands. He can’t tell. Mercy, mercy, mercy.

He knows without a single doubt in his mind that he won’t endure another session. He’ll either turn insane or give in to anything Oswald demands. He’s the only salvation, the only absolution left, and if he demands his entire being, he’ll hand it other gladly - if the pain just stops.

The other man purses his lips tightly, taps the apparatus with his cane. “Did you know it’s not this machine itself that’s causing the pain?” he asks conversationally.

Jim couldn’t care less.

“It’s the depth of the emotion,” he elaborates, arching a curious eyebrow at the miserable detective. “The deeper the guilt, the sadness, the regret - well, you get my point, the heavier the impact. I’ve learned more and more about this machinery every day now that Strange is here,” he carries on as he walks up to Jim. “Well, was,” he corrects himself with a sly smile that causes a shiver to run down Jim’s spine.

He leans down, places his hands on Jim’s thighs, putting his entire weight on the exhausted man in the process. Pressing their heads together, he inhales deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. “So sorry it had to come to this for you to see,” he mumbles, voice unsteady and hoarse. “If you had only accepted my generous offer when you had the chance…”

Oswald bites his inner cheek, takes a step back, and with his retreat, the distraction from the pain is gone, too. Jim prays his goons will untie him soon, take him back to his room, granting him some much-needed rest.

Jim craves the warmth to return.

It seems like the Penguin has other plans for him. “You’d think with Strange gone, I’d have found some peace, some sense of closure.” He inhales deeply, chews his lower lip as he struggles to draw breath. “Jim, it doesn’t help,” he confesses brokenly. “Shouldn’t I be better now?” he asks, shoulders slumping.

The detective can’t answer, still too caught up in his own pain and thoughts. Oswald doesn’t pay him much thought though.

“Edward is back,” he then informs Jim. To the cop, this comes out of nowhere, leaves him confused and unsure if or how to respond. It’s wrong, he thinks, with something akin to jealousy, that he’d put him through all this misery only to talk about his ex now. It’s maybe the worst, yet, not even being worth some acknowledgment when the Penguin has just gone through his memory. It’s so painful he doesn’t even note he confessed another murder, wouldn’t care if he did.

“It hurts,” Jim finally blurts out, petulantly.

That grabs the gangster’s attention, has him finally tending to the cop in his possession. He picks half-heartedly at the bindings, steadies Jim when he almost tips over, once the support is gone.

“I thought I would have no need for you once he’s back,” he grumbles angrily as he helps Jim laying down on the cold ground. It’s worse down there, but the touch steadies him, keeps him tied to reality, even when he feels just a push could force him to trip over.

He’d be lost in his own mind then, alone with his demons.

The cop’s heart aches in his chest at the revelation. Could it be true? Or is this just Oswald telling him he’s no longer of use, about to get disposed of, like a broken toy he’s grown tired of? It’s not fair, not now, not like this.

The emotion must have been visible, for Oswald hurries to elaborate.

“We’re working well together, always have,” his voice breaks off as he looks at anything but at Jim. “For now,” he adds. Sitting down on the floor beside the blonde, he takes his hand, entwining their fingers. “I…” he pauses, draws up his shoulders.

When he blushes, his freckles become visible under all that make-up he’s hiding his face under. Jim stares at his nose, starts counting. It’s such a soothingly simple task.

“I want something that lasts,” he admits then, putting Jim’s hand in his lap. “Edward and I...we’re not meant for the long-run. We’ll work together, betray each other, and rewind,” he muses. Turning his gaze back at the man beside him, eyes glistening with unshed tears, he asks, “don’t I deserve that? Don’t I deserve a man I could have introduced to my mother?”

And something in the cop breaks.

“Your mother is dead,” Jim snaps back. It’s once more not his smartest move, yet it seems he’s entirely unable to be even slightly diplomatic around the kingpin. The answer is drawn from pain, hurt pride, resentment, and humiliation.

Oswald’s face hardens. If Jim wasn’t so exhausted, he would have felt the familiar spark of fear.

“She is,” he deadpans.

And because his mother has always been a sore spot, Jim can’t help but needle the mobster. “She would have been proud,” he spits sarcastically, even if each word hurts so much his vision becomes blurry. “For her son to maim and torture.”

Oswald gasps, appalled, but doesn’t contradict, just keeps worrying his lower lip.

“She did never know, did she?” he pants. Oswald squeezes his hand in return.

“No,” he finally admits. “I never told her who I really was. And I think she chose to ignore it.” Pursing his lips, the gangster glowers at the man in his possession.

“You could stop that you know,” Jim suggests, gathering his last remnants of hope. “Be the man she saw in you. The man I sometimes saw in you, too.”

That last sentence catches the Penguin’s attention, has him turning his head in silent wonder. He sways, opens his mouth. Oswald mulls the words over in his head, he must know though, what Jim subconsciously thinks of him, how he struggles himself.

“That man died with her,” he says, at last, shattering Jim’s tiny bit of optimism.

Closing his eyes, the detective exhales. “If that is true, my friendship wouldn’t have made a difference either.”

“Perhaps,” Oswald shrugs. “Perhaps not.”

Jim notes his hands are trembling.

“I won’t make it through another round,” he tells him at last, lacing his fingers with Oswald’s tightly.

“I know.” His voice is so soft, barely a whisper.

Jim struggles to get the next words out, finally admitting to his failure. “I’m terrified,” he tells him between the tears. “I have made mistakes. I have wronged you,” he admits, hoping Oswald will understand that he means it, that, if given the chance, he would start over, do things differently. Maybe.

“But please don’t erase who I am,” he begs. Rolling over despite the pain, he faces Oswald. He’s already on the ground, struggles to get up so he can kneel. He’s at his breaking point, will grovel now, if Oswald insists.

He gently holds him down.

“t doesn’t hurt once it’s done,” he informs Jim. And that is even more terrifying, the prospect of bliss once he isn’t who he used to be.

He almost tried committing suicide on several occasions, prayed for a bullet to crack his skull open, to tear his lungs out. Jim would embrace death gladly if it came to him now. But this? Turning into something entirely else? It’s worse than death, fills him with a dread he hasn’t got words for.

“Why did you love me though?” he needs to know. What caused Oswald to love him so much it turned into such fierce hatred he must wipe it out?

Jim doesn’t note when the other man starts weeping beside him. But now he hears the desperate, choked hiccups.

“I don’t know,” he sobs. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” he keeps repeating over and over again. “Maybe I just saw what you could have been - and it was beautiful.”

The words hit Jim with the force of a thunderstorm, they are a revelation, and an explanation for his own confusing feelings, make so much sense after everything he’s been through.

Despite everything, he can’t help but admit that Oswald had potential, still has.

He makes it onto his knees, begs for real, this time.

“Then sleep with me,” he pleads.

“What?” shocked, the mobster scrambles to get up, but Jim holds onto his ankle, stops him from retreating.

“Have sex with me,” he urges, clarifies. “If you want me so desperately, have me as long as I’m still me.”

Jim is almost certain his words will be rewarded with a kick, with Oswald’s retreat at best, more pain at worst, but he’s merely met with silence.

He doesn’t dare to look up, stares at the shiny tip of a perfectly polished shoe. The reflection he finds there is horrifying, a hollowed, sunken face, huge, frenzied eyes.

Jim doesn’t expect the pair of lips crashing against his at all, or the wet slide of a tongue. He opens his mouth willingly for Oswald, returns the embrace as if his life depended on it, mirrors the needy sounds with vigor, clings to him even as he passes out, praying he’ll never wake again.

#gobblepot #fanfiction #dark!Oswald #whump

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kiruuuuu · 5 years

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Doc/Lion oneshot in which they kiss and make up after a fight. And, uh, other things. (Rating E, utter filth + fluff, ~5.2k words) - written for the ever so wonderful @icezero09 (and welcome back to tumblr!) 💖 Thank you so, so much for commissioning me again :) You’re a joy to write for! Find my commission info here ♥

It’s rare for Lion to hesitate in front of his own damn apartment, keys jangling forlornly in his half-raised hand and a dull, empty feeling in his stomach.

The first time he did so lies a while back and was entirely self-imposed: following one of the most memorable nights in his life (and with his past, this means a lot) as well as a terrifying confession, he announced a trip to the nearest bakery for croissants and fresh coffee, knowing full well he was allowing for an escape. Upon his return, he rested his forehead on the cool, off-white lacquer of his door, hoping to affect reality by repeating a mantra in his mind, over and over again. Please be there still. Please be there still. Please be there still.

When he was greeted by Doc, in his underwear, subtly complaining about his fridge being worryingly empty, he could’ve burst from the pure joy exploding in him.

Another time he wavered because of a question he was about to pose, a question which had occupied his thoughts for weeks by then. The prospect of not being refused was thrilling with how much he wanted to turn his regular visitor into a permanent resident, yet they’d only been together for a few months by then. It might’ve been too early, too much of a commitment to move in together, too much to ask to share their living space. Lion had gotten lucky with his flat, snagged one with large windows, evening sunlight, spacious enough for a dedicated office and both a bathtub and a shower, and picturing Doc becoming a part of it all filled him with giddy anticipation. Regardless, the possibility of being turned down remained and so he gathered his courage in front of the very door which would become their door after a dizzyingly short amount of time.

Right now, he’s also mentally preparing himself for a potentially difficult conversation, though there are entirely too many ways it could go. The backpack dangling off his shoulder is not getting any lighter and neither are the memories of red dust, large tents lined up one after another and helplessness etched into faces. He’d volunteered for the deployment despite knowing it’ll leave him without closure – diseases will always rage on somewhere and their efforts might make a difference in one town, one city, one region, one country, but ultimately it’s like trying to fill up a swimming pool using only a cup. What he needs now is a hug, a little bit of peace and no responsibilities other than buying groceries. He loves his job, it gives him purpose and direction in life, and yet he can’t deny it drains him sometimes until there’s no energy left.

Definitely no energy to continue arguing.

“I’m home!”, he announces into the quiet once he’s discarded his shoes and hung up his jacket, receiving no response. He was looking forward to coming home throughout the entire flight, picturing a warm welcome, an apology, something along those lines and is genuinely annoyed to encounter none of it. The kitchen is empty and so is their bedroom where he drops his backpack onto the mattress he’s missed dearly (among other things), but in the living room he finds Doc in his usual armchair, sipping coffee with a book in his lap and looking up once Lion appears in the doorway.

He’s gorgeous.

It shouldn’t come as a shock but does nonetheless, two weeks of absence facilitate taking a step back and looking at him in a new light; almost as if he’s seeing him for the first time again. He looks… warm, even inviting, his kind eyes making up for the disapproving curl of his mouth, body relaxed and showing off his sculpted arms in the short-sleeved polo he’s wearing. Even casually, he dresses like he’s been invited to an informal business outing; Lion has never seen him just in sweatpants and supposes this is one of the reasons why Doc always comes across as distinguished. And he’s never wanted anything more than to curl up in his lap, cling to him and never let go.

Doc runs his gaze up and down his body, causing a pleasant tingling and maybe, just maybe he’s in the mood for -

“You look like you need a shower.”

His calm words are ice cubes on Lion’s skin. He’s not wrong, a fourteen hour flight will do that to anyone, but it’s far from what Lion has been hoping to hear. “Yeah”, he snaps without meaning to sound this harsh, “I probably do.”

The argument from before he left continues in his head while he’s basking in the heat of the water drumming down on his skull: he was only doing his job, after all. That’s why he got hired – he’s a professional and refuses to let emotions interfere with his work, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it? He nearly drops the shampoo bottle in agitation and hits his elbow on the cool tiles as he proceeds to weave an impenetrable net of arguments in his mind, counters everything Doc could throw at him effortlessly and recalls the things they spat at each other two weeks ago.

Ultimately, it was his jurisdiction seeing as it was a containment issue, albeit a relatively minor one. He planned on taking the necessary steps while Doc undermined his authority along the way, much to his irritation – maybe he did misdiagnose the boy and paint a picture more grim than reality, yet the scheduled tests would’ve cleared it up without a doubt and brought both the child as well as his mother the deserved peace of mind instead of sending them home from quarantine early. In the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter whether she had urgent appointments to get to and the boy was frightened almost to the point of hysterics, not if their staying overnight would’ve ensured they’re good to go, so Doc was entirely out of line by declaring them safe and allowing them to leave.

Even though they were safe. Lion admits that. Everyone knew, but regulations are there for a reason and why allow for making mistakes when there’s safety procedures which benefit literally everyone and hell, he’s getting worked up again.

He curses under his breath and shuts the water off. It’s about the principle of it all. Doc can’t continue being as lenient as he is and it’s bad enough Six and the others are catering to his bleeding heart, Outbreak being only one of the many examples Lion can think of – if they’d lost some of their best ops going on that frankly idiotic suicide mission to save Macintosh, it would’ve been a disaster. The fact that it happened to work out is irrelevant.

Angrily, he shrugs on one of his nice shirts out of spite, buttoning it while glaring at himself in the mirror. He’s going to show Doc what he’s been missing out on these past weeks. Maybe he should casually drop a few names to make Doc really regret not talking to him while he was in Africa. Well. It’s not like he messaged or called Doc, but again. It’s about the principle of it all.

While dressing fully, he prepares an opening sure to grab Doc’s interest while simultaneously sounding dismissive, ends up stomping into the living room to deliver his short speech and is about three syllables in when he realises Doc isn’t even there anymore.

“… Olivier?”

He turns around to an amused-looking Frenchman in the kitchen, lifting a cup to indicate it’s for Lion and he dares to still look utterly irresistible. Lion pushes away the mental image of just tossing the mug into the sink in favour of tracing Doc’s jaw line with his tongue (but fuck, it’s tempting) and instead blurts out something he doesn’t even mean, something which needs far more context than, well, nothing: “I wish people stopped listening to you all the time.”

Doc’s face turns stony and Lion wants to kick himself. “Or we can fight instead of catching up”, he mutters and slams the coffee onto the counter, causing it to slosh over. “That’s fine too.”

Lion has joined his lover in the kitchen now, brows scrunched together. “I don’t want to fight”, he states lamely.

“No. You just want to rehash an argument for which we found no solution while insisting you’re right. Big difference.”

Alright. Maybe he wants to fight a little, if only to get a rise out of Doc who’s infuriatingly composed still. “I met some of your former colleagues from MSF”, he tactically switches topics to hopefully appease his boyfriend enough in the meantime so he gives in once Lion pushes the previous issue some time later. “Martina says hi.”

“I know. We talk regularly.” Ouch. The cutting quality of the remark is not lost on him: Doc is pissed that he didn’t even let him know whether he arrived safely. “She also tells me you got shot.”

This, at least, he can de-escalate. “I was shot at, but not hit.”

“Martina mentioned blood.”

“It was a graze shot on my side. It’s healed already.”

Doc seems thoroughly unimpressed – not undeservedly, Lion has been known to either downplay or exaggerate his own injuries wildly, though he hasn’t told anyone the real reason. Pretending he was worse off than it appeared ensured a trip to Doc’s office, and acting as if everything was fine surely impressed the Frenchman once he was there. A foolproof system. “If you say so.”

“I say it because it’s true. Were you worried about me?”

Brown eyes turn even darker at the teasing question. “Of course. Every day, Olivier. Just because you behaved like a temperamental child doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”

Lion sputters in indignation. “I did not. If anything, you were worse, you broke the fucking vase!”

“Only because you implied the lives of my colleagues are worth less to me than those of civilians.”

“I only did that because you said I care more about rules than I do about humans in general.”

“You also slammed the door and actually stomped your foot. I’m not the immature one here!”

“And yet you sat here and pouted instead of checking up on me despite being worried just because you need to be right -”

“I am right. And now show me your stupid wound!”

“There is no wound, Gustave!”

“We both know you’re lying, come on.”

“Do you really trust me that little?”

“Have you given me enough reason to trust you?”

And that does it. That is it. Lion is seething at this point, all the pent up frustration and worry boiling over as a result of Doc’s consistent nagging, his denial of Lion being right concerning protocols, the silence during the previous weeks and his insistence on being always correct, it’s too much. He snaps.

With one swift motion, he rips his shirt open, presenting his naked torso to his lover, and growls: “Does this look like I’m fucking injured?!”

Doc stills.

And during the brief silence which follows the animalistic gesture, Doc’s eyes are glued to Lion’s chest, sun-tanned and skin smooth with only the faint hint of a scar on his ribs, a mark which will completely fade in months. Around them, torn-off buttons plink and bounce on the floor.

Lion knows what he looks like, knows his lugging around heavy equipment paired with fewer meals and small portions has made his muscles stand out, contoured him flatteringly and harmonises with his slightly bleached auburn hair. He probably smells like sunlight.

Maybe this ended up a little too dramatic.

“You need to fuck me right now”, Doc tells him, tone serious, “we can argue later.”

… or maybe this had just the right kind of flair.

Before he’s even processed the words, Doc’s hands are already pulling on his belt and fuck, getting with the program has never been this seamless. He angrily swats his lover’s hands away to complete the task himself, flinches involuntarily when soft lips latch onto one of his nipples and presses out a groan upon feeling teeth on the sensitive skin. It’s all a little too sudden so he’s only half hard when Doc yanks his trousers down, but watching him sink to his knees without hesitation and lick his way from the base to the tip does wonders to remedy this.

Lion threads his fingers into dark, wavy hair, still reeling from what on earth just happened, is still happening, yet he couldn’t be further from complaining once Doc wraps his glossy lips around the head and flattens his tongue against it. His mouth is hot and wet and Lion feels himself swelling inside the cavern, blood rapidly filling his stiffening shaft while Doc mercilessly sucks him into full hardness. He makes for a beautiful picture like this, more submissive than he usually lets himself be, especially in context, though when he glances up at Lion, there’s still something defiant in his dark gaze.

So that’s how it’s going to be.

His grip tightens and he begins guiding Doc’s movements, pulling him further onto his cock with each bob and causing first a strangled moan and then a warning hum which he disregards entirely. There’s some residual anger still and it bleeds into Lion’s motions, makes them a little rougher than normal. Doc’s tongue is slowly driving him insane with the way its tip seeks out all his most sensitive spots almost out of spite, how it massages the underside, swirls over his slit and curls around the glans, and the sweet pressure of his lover sucking on him only adds to the dizzying mix of stimulation. Not only does it feel mind-blowing, it feels like triumph.

Idly, he debates leaving it at that, interpret this phenomenal blowjob as a concession of defeat from Doc and never bring up their earlier argument again – it would certainly be worth it, Doc always looks so beautiful after he’s swallowed Lion’s come, dazed and proud and like his reading glasses would be askew if he put them on. Doc’s slight resistance might be just for show but Lion relishes it nonetheless, keeps dragging him in while testing out the limits, lets up a little when Doc pinches his thigh after a particularly deep swallow – and then he notices Doc palming himself through his trousers.

He seems to be enjoying this just as much as Lion is.

Inside Doc’s mouth, his cock gives a vicious throb at the sudden surge in desire and earns a helpless moan in return. Lion pictures it briefly, him fucking Doc’s throat while his lover pleasures himself, trapped between focusing on Lion’s dick and his own erection, and his hips involuntarily thrust forward at the mental image. Doc, not expecting it, withdraws while gasping, robs Lion of his delicious wet heat and glares. The hand between his legs, however, is not stopping.

Belatedly, Lion realises this isn’t a submission, if anything it’s an act of war – Doc is taking what he thinks is his, rendering Lion useless in the process. He’s furious but unable to keep his hands off Lion. And if that isn’t the hottest thing he could’ve hoped to encounter today.

“Get up”, he orders hoarsely, throat dry, and doesn’t waste any time undressing his lover as soon as he’s obliged. All his clothes are quickly discarded and tossed somewhere, and with every new bit of skin revealed, Lion’s impatience grows: he wants this man, and he wants him now, wants to show him without a shadow of a doubt how much he desires him… but also make him admit Lion was right.

Doc’s skin is warm under his palms and his tongue slick against Lion’s own. Their making out is almost desperate and not at all befitting a loving reunion after a prolonged absence, but neither of them mind while their lips glide over each other, hands roaming over bodies. Doc moans into his mouth when Lion grabs a handful of his ass, and refuses to break the kiss even as he’s lifted up and set down on the table. His legs wrap around Lion’s hips and he pulls him closer, ankles locked, the gesture possessive but encouraging, and both of them voice their pleasure when their erections rub against each other, Lion’s spit-slicked and Doc’s just as hard now.

“Missed me that much, Gustave?”, he teases in between ravenous kisses and almost loses his balance when Doc’s legs shove him a little in protest.

“Don’t be so smug and get the lube.”

“Why don’t you get it yourself if you want me so much?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

They glare at each other and it’s tough not to allow the challenging expression to melt into an amused smile over Doc’s visible frustration. He’s clinging to Lion still, resistance clearly written in his features – if it was for him, he’s not going to give up any time soon. The realisation of what he’s going to do next makes Lion’s dick jump in anticipation and he turns out to be right: if Lion has leverage over his lover due to how horny he is, he just needs to level the playing field. And so he lightly sinks his teeth into Lion’s shoulder, grabs his cock and drags the nails of his other hand over Lion’s ribs. The faint pain is transformed into roaring want immediately upon Doc lightly jerking him and holy shit, why have they never had angry sex before?

He curses quietly, whispers Doc’s name and earns a sharp nip to his jaw; if he wants to keep up, he needs to act. Blindly, he reaches behind him and fetches the bottle of olive oil from the counter while thrusting into the unforgiving grip. The feeling is divine, almost as good as Doc’s mouth and he hears himself groan in bliss after his lover has spat into his hand and eased the slide considerably, producing a whole other kind of friction. He’s got something better, though.

As soon as his oiled-up fingers curl around Doc’s thick shaft, the Frenchman pauses. Takes a deep breath. And expels it again with a sound akin to a whine when Lion begins stroking him leisurely, thoroughly enjoying the way his lover relaxes into him before being aware of doing so. And once he notices, it’s back to struggling.

They relentlessly exploit each other’s weakspots, Lion sucking a purple bruise onto Doc’s neck, right below his ear, and Doc massaging his balls, nearly causing his knees to give in, fingertips brush over nipples, lips latch onto sensitive patches of skin, and all the while they’re simultaneously pushing each other away and pressing closer. Breath mingling, they’re becoming one already, pawing and kissing and attempting to dominate. They’re both worse for wear by now and so Doc doesn’t even protest when Lion orders him to lie back and spread his legs. Fingers generously coated in olive oil, Lion runs them over his lover’s entrance teasingly before inserting just one.

And oh.

Doc’s cheeks darken when Lion adds a second finger without hesitation, finding his insides pliant and wet already – or rather still.

“Couldn’t even wait until I’m home”, Lion tuts and watches, full of wonder, as Doc swallows even a third digit easily.

“If you hadn’t given me the silent treatment, you might’ve gotten some photos”, the other Frenchman retaliates through his teeth, though his grimace slips a little when Lion strokes over his prostate. Being this familiar with his body pays off more often than not.

“And if you hadn’t given me the silent treatment, I’d have talked you through it.” Lion’s own dick is rearing to go, pulsing impatiently at the sight of Doc’s hole stretching around his fingers, and yet he resists the temptation to enter him and instead goes back to jerking him with his free hand. Doc looks like he’s going to start drooling any second now, his resistance forgotten in favour of grinding against Lion’s hands. “I would’ve told you that you’re doing so good, that you look beautiful, that you can take even more fingers than that. How much I want you. That you should imagine it’s me pushing inside you.”

He’s putty in Lion’s hands now, was shoved over the threshold by overwhelming need and has turned malleable, soft, desperate. Lion has won, and victory has never felt sweeter than right now: the person with whom he hopes to spend the rest of his life all laid out in front of him, blinking up at him dazedly and with so much love obvious in chocolate brown eyes that Lion’s heart threatens to burst for a moment.

“Please”, Doc says quietly. And Lion doesn’t make him say it twice.

Slicking up his own cock already forces a moan out of his throat, so he doesn’t expect to last long – not with how long he’s had to wait for this, not with how tight the ring of muscle was around his three fingers. It doesn’t matter, he’s sure they’ll be having a second round later. Carefully, he lines up the tip and pushes in with minimal resistance, both of them moaning when the head slips inside, and once he’s fully bottomed out, he takes a moment to revel in familiar feeling of Doc clenching down on him. Oh, how he missed this. How he missed the disbelief written all over Doc’s face when Lion rolls his hips and brushes over his sweet spot, how he missed the filthy sounds they’re producing together, how he missed the feeling of another body against his own.

Once he slams inside the first time, Doc is already incoherent and the half-syllables he manages only convince Lion to not let up, increase force and speed and intensity to make him forget his own name, to make him forget he ever belonged to anyone else. His lover’s crotch is an oily mess but it’s just perfect for him, allowing him to wank him hard and fast, rapidly building pleasure in time with his thrusts – Doc doesn’t suspect anything yet, thighs trembling already from how deep Lion invades him with every motion, from how calloused fingers run over sensitive flesh. He must think Lion impatient or close to the edge but couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s only just started.

When he ceases his ministrations just as Doc’s abs begin to flutter, giving away his impending orgasm, he expects his lover to react with indignation, possibly take matters into his own hands or at the very least glare at him, but when his eyes open, they’re so full of devotion and acceptance that Lion is momentarily floored. Instead of fighting him, Doc tightens his legs and drags him in, turns the hard thrusts rocking his body even more brutal and unforgiving despite panting already, despite squirming away from the overpowering pleasure. He doesn’t protest when Lion massages his dick once more, struggles to hold it with how fiercely it’s twitching, and even when he stops again due to Doc’s mewling nearly reaching peak volume, the man in front of him tolerates the torture.

Lion keeps up the merciless rhythm of his hips, fucks his way towards a well-deserved climax and marvels at the beauty laid out just for him, but it bothers him how… accommodating Doc has become even though he’s nothing if not stubborn. And yet he rewards Lion’s movements with loving gazes, contracts around his shaft to increase the sweet, sweet pressure, and lets endless, blissful noises drop from his lips. Lion can feel Doc’s toes flexing against his back, so he must be hitting just the right spot and he’s so caught up in his own lust, so focused on the erotic sensation of driving into the person he loves, of making both of them feel good, that it takes him embarrassingly long to understand.

He leaves Doc hanging on the edge again and explores his shapely chest with a slick hand, leaving glistening trails on darker skin, but it clicks when his palm travels all the way up, barely brushing against Doc’s throat. Because he tilts his head back, willingly exposing the vulnerable body part. And Lion gets it.

It doesn’t matter that they disagree on certain topics, their views are unlikely to change and so neither of them will budge, but what does matter is that they love each other regardless. That they accept each other the way they are, and even if they might be angry, their passion and commitment remains untouched. This is why Doc is handing himself over so willingly: his trust is unshaken.

And Lion interrupts his motions to lean down and kiss him, channel all the love and faith and desire he feels for this man into the gesture while burying both hands in Doc’s hair, cradling his face. The smile he feels against his mouth tells him that Doc understands, and when Lion starts grinding against him a few seconds later, both of them gasp.

“I missed you so much”, Lion mutters against parted lips and now everything is pouring out of him. “Fuck, I thought of you every free second. You feel so good, Gustave, you have no idea how good you feel. You’re amazing. I love you so much.”

Doc moves against him, eyes open as he clings to the taller man like his life depended on it. “I love you too, Olivier. And you’re so deep -”

“I even dreamt of you. I still can’t believe this is real, sometimes. You look so fucking hot right now, I want to fuck you until you can’t walk.”

This earns him the very first genuine, absolutely brilliant smile ever since he came back. Doc licks his mouth open and plays with his tongue until they’re both breathless and gasping before whispering: “Do it.”

So Lion does.

He pulls out, half drags Doc off the table and turns him around so his feet are (already unsteadily) on the floor, torso resting on the wooden surface with Lion behind him, and slams home in one fluid motion. From there, it’s a veritable mess, a maelstrom of sensation and want, a barrage of stimulation muddling Lion’s perception entirely. He’s vaguely aware of waves of divine pleasure rushing through his entire body with each thrust, notices Doc looking back at him pleadingly over his shoulder, incredulity lining his features and increasing with every strangled sound. It’s pure heaven, skin slapping sharply on skin, his cock rubbing over Doc’s prostate with every thrust, causing him to whimper and writhe and his legs to almost give in, and all the while he insistently drags Doc’s hips to meet him so he can reach as deeply inside as possible.

The fast tempo wrecks them both, sweat is starting to bead up on Doc’s back and Lion’s forehead, both of them completely lost in their own pleasure, in each other, in the feeling connecting them – and when Lion reaches around to jerk Doc in the same unrelenting rhythm as his motions, another hand closes over his own, squeezes it more tightly and demonstrates just how Doc likes it right now. Knowing how much he enjoys the deep and thorough penetration only serves to cloud Lion’s thoughts further and, in contrast, sharply brings his own desire into focus, steadily building up with every time he invades his lover so intimately until he can’t take it anymore.

When he comes, he folds in half and moans unselfconsciously into Doc’s hair, loud groans wrenched from him with every delicious wave of pleasure rolling through him. The relief is immeasurable, rushes through his veins like liquid electricity and has him shuddering violently in time with his small thrusts accompanying the contractions in his lower muscles. He’s barely aware of Doc’s hand speeding up in desperation but suddenly becomes keenly aware of his lover climaxing below him due to the hard clenching around him all of a sudden, the spasms milking him even further and his own moans mixing with Doc’s. They both shiver, prolong each other’s orgasm with minuscule movements and only come down slowly from their intense high, aftershocks making their muscles twitch and cocks throb.

Doc lets out a content sigh which Lion mirrors, but when he pushes against the larger body draped over him, Lion refuses to budge. He’s still coasting on the elating feeling of loving and being loved, of sharing intimacy, and if he doesn’t say it now, he never will.

Lips brushing over warm skin, he murmurs: “I’m sorry. I… rules help me do the right thing and I’m afraid of acting without them. I’ll try to think for myself more instead of blindly relying on general instructions which might not fit the situation exactly.”

His lover huffs a quiet laugh and catches one of his hands in his own, interlaces their fingers to show him he appreciates the apology. “I’m sorry too. I let my feelings interfere with my work which can be dangerous. I’ll try to take a step back and assess situations more objectively.”

It’s such a relief to hear these words that Lion nearly tears up at the realisation that he’s forgiven, that he made a concession only to be graced with one in return, that they’re equals after all, both human and thus flawed in their own way. They’re both wrong if the result is them not speaking to each other, and the insecurity of what their fight might mean for their relationship melts away, leaving behind nothing more than a fuzzy feeling.

This time, when Doc moves, Lion withdraws gingerly and stands up straight, pulling the other man into a tight embrace once he’s turned around. They kiss slowly and sweetly, both of them smiling into it since they can’t help it and when he playfully peppers the side of Doc’s neck in kisses, his lover reacts with a chuckle.

“That was awful”, Doc tells him matter-of-factly. “Let’s never do that again.”

And though Lion has to agree that the past two weeks rank among the worst of his life, he can’t help but clarify: “You don’t mean the angry sex though, right? You looked so incredibly hot, blowing me while furious.”

Doc snorts, visibly embarrassed, and shakes his head slightly. “If you liked that, I… guess we can have a repeat performance. Just without all the nonsense before it.”

“Yeah. I agree.” Lion takes the opportunity to eye up his boyfriend, take in his messy hair, the shimmery smears all over his body, the absolute mess between his legs – and it looks like he did drool on the table after all. “You look like you need a shower.”

The grin spreading on Doc’s face is almost mischievous and has Lion falling for him all over again, not that he’s letting it show just how smitten he really is. “And I do hope you’re going to accompany me, mon amour?”

How could he say no to that? “We have a lot of catching up to do”, he agrees and drops his gaze to see some of his semen running down Doc’s thigh.

Maybe he’ll end up having to shower three times today.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #angry doc is my spirit animal #he told his colleague to ask lion about his relationship status #just to hear about how awkwardly he replied #these two are so stubborn

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neflor-hnoss · 5 years

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Five years after Allura’s sacrifice, they’re all living the life they choose but keeping in contact with each other and reuniting every year on the anniversary of her death. During those years Shiro and Curtis dated, got married and adopted a little boy, Hunk and Romelle started dating (in my head, but Hunk and Shay is fine too) and their restaurant chain became the most loved and popular in the whole galaxy, Pidge came out as non binary and started dating Ina and they were widely known as the ultimate science power couple and used to disappear for days when they were researching for something, Keith became the face of the BOM and everybody in the whole universe knew about him and his team of half galra women and Lance lived the simple life he wanted and became more and more quiet and contemplative. All the members of the team went to see him when they could and one time Lance’s mother told Keith that Lance was more like his old self when one of the paladins was around, so he made a point of going to see him every time he had a bit of free time. The McClain’s farm almost became his second home and they spent a lot of time together just hanging out in the flower fields.

Buuut, as I was saying, five years after Allura’s death, they all feel this weird sensation, something similar to the mind connection with the lions, and it is warm and fond, yes, but it feels urgent, like a warning. Lance is the only one who recognizes Allura and he starts to frantically call the others. Keith is the only one who doesn’t answer immediately but, when he finally joins the group call, he brings bad news: there’s a new danger for the universe (I don’t even know what). While he explains what’s happening, they all hear a loud growl. The lions are back (I didn’t even take the time to think about how that’s gonna work. Don’t even care. I just want them back as a team of Defenders for a last time).

They all clearly feel this energy urging them to move and it clearly feels like Allura telling them that they need to save the universe.

They leave. All the MFE pilots, the three half galra ladies, Romelle and Matt and gf go with them. Curtis stays back with the baby but understands why Shiro must go. They agree to videocall every time they can. Coran stays back too to look on Altea but he’s involved in every strategic meeting.

They find their old dynamic easily but there’s an Allura-shaped hole and they all miss her more than ever, Lance even more than the others. But they all feel her.

During that time, Lance is very cheerful and smiley. He is suffering a lot but he tries to put his old mask back on, just less flirty and loud. He misses Allura, he’s kinda jealous of all the happy couples he has around him (meanwhile even Veronica and Acxa got together) and he feels bad for that.

Everybody sees right though his act but they don’t know what to do.

Keith, who’s been in love with him for a very long time but just silently stepped aside, stays with him and quietly supports him though the grief.

They spend more and more time together, just them or with the others, and Lance feels more and more loved and his mask starts to crumble. Until one day he just breaks and cries his eyes out in front of the whole team.

They all comfort him.

Even Blue.

Even Red.

Even Allura’s energy.

Then it starts to get better and he starts to slowly heal.

When he realizes he’s in love with Keith and that a very well-hidden part of him always was, he panics. He feels guilty and like he’s betraying Allura’s memory, so he pushes Keith away and starts avoiding him.

Keith believes that Lance noticed his feelings for him and gives him space, understanding why he might want to distance himself.

They still fight together and they still have each other’s back in battle but they don’t hang out anymore.

Lance comes up with the strategy to finally beat the “enemy” (yeah, it was all to give him his moment to shine in battle. Sorry not sorry) and after winning the final battle they all hug and congratulate him, minus Keith. He just pats him on the shoulder and smile, telling him he did great.

Lance finds himself longing for that hug but suppresses the thought.

The mysterious energy just disappears and they take their time to mourn the loss again during their journey back.

After six months, they are finally back to their previous life.

Shiro is back with his husband and son.

Pidge, Ina, Matt, N-7, Veronica, James, Ryan and Nadia come back to the Legendary Defenders project. Hunk and Romelle join them.

Keith, Ezor and Zethrid are back with the BOM. Acxa too, but she spends half of her time on Earth with Veronica.

Lance goes back to the farm and is left confronting his feelings for Keith and his feelings for Allura.

it’s during one of Shiro and his family’s visits that he finally decides to let go and openly talk about his feelings.

Shiro and Lance talk about Adam and Allura, about loss and about the strength needed to move on. They talk about Curtis and Keith. It’s then that Lance feels that energy again. It’s warm, loving, supporting and Lance understands immediately what it means.

He loved Allura, still does and in a way always will.

But he can love someone else. He does love someone else. And it’s different.

He feels hope for the future, his future, for the first time since Allura’s death.

But he needs closure, so the next day he goes to visit Coran, the one who was closer to Allura and her only family left, and ask for forgiveness. Coran tells him that there’s nothing to forgive, that Allura would have never wanted for him to spend his life mourning and that he deserves to be happy too.

So, he goes to see Veronica and Acxa. When the latter departs for the BOM, he goes with her.

Keith is stunned to see Lance, even more when he hugs him.

They talk for a long time, finally confess their feelings for each other and kiss.

After that moment, they spend half of their time with the Bom and half with Lance’s family at the farm.

They marry two years later and they retire to live in Lance’s farm, except for Keith’s occasional mission.

One year after their wedding, they adopt a baby girl (in my head she’s a little, curly-haired, dark-skinned earthling) and name her Allura.

Five years later, Allura wakes them up very early in the morning. She has a very serious look in her dark eyes.

“Papa” she says to Lance “The beautiful white-haired lady wanted me to tell you that she is proud of you. And she wanted me to tell dad she says thank you.”

Lance and Keith are both stunned and Lance’s eyes start to water, but they’re both smiling.

“Allura” Lance says “Do you want to hear the story of the woman you’re named after? She was the bravest, strongest person I’ve ever met…”

Keith watches his husband pull their daughter on his lap and smiles.

They’re happy.

Alternate, very self-indulgent, ending:

Pidge and Ina, after working on this for the seven years after Allura sacrificed herself, find a way to bring her back using the lions’ quintessence, altean magic and the energy she left inside Lance.

They talk with the others and they all decide to try it.

They succeed.

Allura is with them again and she brought Lotor with her, so he too has another chance at life.

They didn’t age a day and still look like twenty years old while Lance and the others are older, but it doesn’t matter. They cry and hug and they’re incredibly happy to be together again.

Lance and Allura look at each other and smile. They’ve both moved on and that’s fine, maybe for the better.

They still love each other.

And they love all of their team.

They’re family.

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romanticatheart-posts · 5 years

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King Sized Revelations - 2

In this chapter, we will meet Liam’s mother by way of a letter she wrote many years ago. You are interrupted by a phone call from Liam and have a little family time with Regina and Constantine.

NSFW! Pixelberry owns all characters but I do love writing about them! Enjoy!

You are in your office holding the letter Constantine gave you just minutes ago. It is a letter from Liam’s mother, written to the woman he chose to be his bride.

You slowly unfold it as your heart begins to thump wildly in your chest. Taking a deep breath… you begin to read…

My dearest daughter,

Let me start by saying it is not my wish to introduce myself to you in this manner and yet somehow, there is a feeling within me that I won’t be there the day my sweet Liam marries the love of his life. As dismal as this all may seem to you, I still want to be a part of your life. Even if only in memory. I’m sure you’ve been told many things about me by now, but I want you to know me as a woman and not just as a queen, wife, and mother. I suspect you and I share many similarities in our thoughts and overall character. I’ve tried to imagine the kind of person my son would fall in love with and ultimately marry and I must believe that even though he is bound by the expectations of being royalty, Liam will never let the court decide that direction of his life. Only his beautiful heart will control that outcome.

Since you are the woman he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with, I wish to give you my most heartfelt blessing. And if I know my darling son, he was most likely in love with you long before he would even admit it to himself. I have often observed how he will sit for hours carefully planning an activity. It amazes me how he considers every possibility before making any type of decision. When he realized his feelings for you, he quite possibly considered more of the impact his life would impose upon you than the attachment he felt. I am certain he left no stone unturned and when he finally confessed his love for you, there were no questions left to answer. His decision was unequivocal.

Liam has a kind and generous heart and he genuinely loves those closest to him, but I believe that falling in love means more than a casual emotion, and his vision of love is deep and abiding. Several months ago, he and his circle of friends were play acting, as most children do at this age. But, when it came time for him to choose a ‘wife’, he would not participate. He just walked away and as he approached me, I could see that he was troubled. When I asked him why he didn’t want to play with the others, he simply said, “Mother, they want me to choose a wife.” I explained that all children play this game in one form or another, but he was not going to be one of them. He said, “Being in love should not be a game and I won’t pretend to be married to someone I do not love.” I couldn’t argue with that. Even at this youthful age, he knows love and marriage are to be revered…

You sit back for a moment… thinking how Constantine had expected him to do that very thing. You ache inside at how close it was to becoming a reality and how miserable his life would have been. Thank God fate had stepped in and saved you both from a dismal existence. Turning back to the letter, you continue reading…

I was very proud of him at that moment and I couldn’t help but smile. He dashed up to his room and I followed. Right before entering I overheard him talking to his favorite stuffed animal, so I stopped to listen. “When I’m ready to choose a wife, she won’t be like any of these girls at court. She will be smart, beautiful and kind and she won’t care that I’m a prince. She’ll love me for who I am and not because of a dumb title.” Those words penetrated to the very depths of my soul from the moment I heard them spurt from his mouth. Instead of going in, I slowly backed away to give him this moment of privacy. He has such a beautiful heart and I’m sure that is just one of the many reasons you fell in love with him, to begin with.

Liam does have a beautiful heart and she is right, it is only one of the many reasons you fell in love with him. You marvel at how perceptive she was and is about him.

I must assume that you are not a noblewoman by birth, as I know my son and he has never taken an interest in the lifestyle to which he was born. He wants so desperately to just be a 'normal’ person and I can’t imagine that will ever change. Also, I have read that most men will marry a woman with qualities like their mother and women will marry similarly to their fathers. If this is true, then I will believe you are a commoner like myself and possibly quite tenacious and down-to-earth. Which brings me to the next point of this letter… I was determined to create a life of my own and the only way to do that was to move away from my home and family. They were not direct descendants of nobility, so I had no aspirations of ever becoming Queen of Cordonia. Upon arriving at the capital, I immediately secured employment as an assistant to one of the local florist’s. I became quite skilled at arranging and assembling the flowers, much to my own surprise.

There was to be a ball at the palace within the week and the royal florist had closed its doors for mourning, due to a death in the family. With over one hundred matching centerpieces needing to be created, our little shop was hired to complete this seemingly impossible task. We worked night and day for three days straight, only sleeping in shifts on a cot in the back room. As embarrassing as it might sound, I’m not sure I ever went that long without a full bath, or proper nutrition, but when we finished on time, the accomplishment far outweighed any inconvenience.

Two days after the ball, and our recovery from sleep deprivation and mal-nourishment, we were visited by the King of Cordonia. He wanted to thank us for accepting the job on such short notice and to offer an official request to become the new royal florist! Of course, the owner accepted, and I could see that Constantine wasn’t as interested in that as he was with me. I already knew that his first marriage had ended in an annulment after she abandoned him and their young son. My heart went out to him and how hard it must have been trying to raise his child alone… It wasn’t long after, that he began to frequent the shop, usually, around the time we would close for lunch. For weeks, we spent that time getting to know each other and one day, in front of the store owner and his own guards, he asked if I would be interested in spending some time with him away from the shop and I eagerly accepted. By then, I had fallen in love with him and I was convinced that he felt the same.

After ten months of proper courtship, we announced our engagement… much to the dismay of the nobles at court… They only saw me as a simple commoner who would most likely be the reason for the fall of the monarchy… To my surprise, Constantine didn’t let that deter him from making me his queen. It was hard, but in those few short months before the wedding, I had gained the support of most everyone in the court, not to mention the people. Now, I can’t take all the credit but what mattered the most to me was that I would be with the man I loved… nobles and their arrogance be damned! I know Constantine can be quite commanding in his duties as the king but in private… he is the most loving and romantic man any woman could hope for. It’s why I fell in love with him, to begin with.

After we were married, one of my primary duties as queen was looking after Leo. He is quite boisterous but is always polite and kind to me. I never tried to take his own mother’s place, but I never objected to him calling me mother either. It was very rewarding caring for Leo, but what I wanted more than anything was a child of my own. I’ll never forget the day I learned that my dream would soon become a reality. After the arrival of this precious gift, my life was complete. Having the title of the queen has its advantages, but there is nothing more rewarding than being a mother. Once you’ve experienced it for yourself, you will know exactly what I mean… Motherhood is bliss!

Just then, your phone rings. As you pick it up, you see it’s Liam and smile.

“Hello, sweetheart!” “It’s so good to hear your voice, my love.” “I miss you already.” “I missed you the moment I left this morning.” “Aww, Liam…you are so sweet.” “Only to you. So how has your day been My Queen?” “Okay I guess, but I did have an interesting conversation with your father this morning.” “Oh? What about?” “He mentioned your coronation and…” “Why would he bring that up again?” “I think he wanted some closure and maybe he just really feels bad about what he did.” “Only because you unveiled his scheme. He wouldn’t have given it a second thought otherwise.” “I don’t know Liam… I’m not so sure he didn’t want it to be revealed. He said he’d lost sight of the things that were important, and that he’d let power control his better judgment.” “That’s an understatement.” “He was very sincere Liam and asked for our forgiveness.” “Oh. And how did you respond?” “Well, speaking for myself I told him I already had.” “Things between us have been less tense but I’m not so sure I’m ready to just forget that it ever happened.” “I don’t think he expects you to forget it, but I think he would like the opportunity to apologize. If you could have seen him this morning… he was in tears remembering how devastated you were when you saw those pictures of me and Tariq. I think he truly regrets the whole thing.” “Catherine, I never doubted your integrity, not even for a moment, but it was hard for me to see you in the arms of another man…” “I can only imagine what was going through your mind at the time.” “I’ve thought the same about you… At that moment though, I was so conflicted… my happiness or your safety. In retrospect, there are many things I would have done differently… I have my own share of regrets from that horrible night Catherine.” “I know… and I understand all of it but what truly matters is that we’re together…. I wish I were in your arms right now Liam.” “So do I.”

There is a slight pause in conversation as you begin to imagine him holding you close, his breath gently caressing your skin… you sigh.

“Catherine, is something wrong?” “No, no. I was just… thinking about you actually…” “Oh? And what were you thinking exactly?” “I was thinking… how much I want you right now…” “Catherine…"

Another pause… and when he speaks you can almost hear the smile in his voice.

"Tell the staff to add an extra place setting. I will be arriving in a couple of hours.” “But, what about the summit? Shouldn’t you stay and finish?” “I can leave early in the morning and make it back in time before the next one starts. They won’t even miss me.” “You’re serious, aren’t you?” “Of course I’m serious. You can’t expect me to neglect my queen in her time of need. And besides, I have a few of my own…” “Mmmm… what should I be expecting?” “Whatever Her Majesty desires…” “And what does His Majesty desire?” “Before or after we undress?” “After… of course.” “Hmm… let’s just say I won’t stop until you’re completely and utterly satisfied…”

His breath becomes shallow.

“… whatever it takes…” “Mmmm… I can’t wait for you to get here…” “I promise to make it worth the wait. I’ll see you soon my love.”

You hang up, your face flushed, and a smile slowly reaches your lips. Liam will be home in a few hours, and you have a few things to prepare. You take the letter and place it in the desk drawer and head down to the kitchen to inform staff that their king will be home for dinner tonight. Then you find Constantine and Regina in the sitting room.

“Liam has decided to join us for dinner tonight.” “Has the summit concluded already?” “My, that was prompt.” “No, not yet. He wanted to have dinner with us tonight and plans to leave first thing in the morning.” “I hope this won’t become his usual practice for heaven’s sake. The cost of jet fuel is astronomical.” “Now Constantine, surely you wouldn’t begrudge these two over a little jet fuel. After all, they are still newlyweds.”

You blush as Regina smiles and Constantine suddenly grasps her meaning.

“Oh! Well… I wouldn’t want a couple of thousand gallons of fuel coming between young love. I look forward to seeing him. Are we still on for six?” “Yes. And I need to finish a few things before he gets here, so I’ll see you two then.” “Certainly dear.”

You make your way upstairs to your bedroom suite and immediately start rummaging through your wardrobe. Finally, you find the perfect dress. It’s a low cut, wrap around that emphasizes your curves and allows easy access…

“Perfect!”

You hurry to the bathroom and turn on the water for a quick bath. Afterward, you get dressed and head to your office with the intent to busy yourself until Liam arrives. Upon entering, the familiar pile of documents still sits on the table, awaiting your attention and signature. Before beginning, you search the playlist of tunes on your phone and after placing the earbuds in each ear, you start. With the diversion of singing aloud and swaying to the music, time goes by quickly… and before you know it, you’ve reached the end of the stack. Just then your favorite song starts playing so you stand and reach for the stapler on your desk. Holding it as if it were a microphone, you close your eyes and start singing along while the beat of the music finds you dancing in perfect rhythm… as you are about to hit the high notes you to look up to see Liam standing in the doorway observing you with a smile. Startled, you immediately drop the stapler onto the desk and your earbuds right next to it… then you smile at him.

“Liam…” “Don’t stop on my account.”

He steps in and closes the door as you run toward him jumping into his arms. He immediately catches you and your lips meet in a sweltering kiss, sending currents of heat throughout your body.

“How long were you standing there?” “Long enough… I was quite enjoying your performance.”

You kiss him fervently as he carries you to the edge of the desk, quickly clearing a spot… his lips never part from yours. You reach to pull off his jacket and begin unbuttoning his shirt as he continues to bathe you in heated kisses.

“What about dinner?” “I have more important things to tend to at the moment…”

You remove his shirt, caressing his chest and arms and then down to his belt. He steps back for a moment and hurriedly pulls it off. You continue to remove his pants and underwear as they fall around his ankles and he steps out of them, kicking them to the side. He quickly loosens the first tie of your dress… sliding it over your shoulders and off…

“Mmmm…”

His hand grasping the curve, he kisses from your neck to your breast… drawing sensual circles with his tongue and nibbling at the tip. With your head tilted back, and your eyes closed, you relish every moment of his touch on your skin.

“Oh, Liam…”

His kisses trail up to your neck and then find your lips again. You reach down slowly, taking him in your hand, stroking his erection with fervor as his breathing becomes rapid and in a raspy voice he speaks your name…

“Oh, Catherine…”

As he removes the dress from the rest of your body, he lets out a deep groan when he discovers you are completely bare. His hand delves down, gently caressing your sweet spot and with tender strokes, he penetrates you with his fingers. You respond with a lively moan, moving against him until you are drenched and on the verge of spasm. With one hand gripping your thigh to pull you closer, he grasps your hair with the other and brings your face to his, thirst in his eyes. With your legs wrapped around him, you can feel the heat of his erection leaning near your wet folds, almost begging to penetrate… He kisses you, nipping at your lower lip then kisses a line to your ear and whispers softly…

“I love you…” “Prove it…”

Without hesitation, he plunges into you with such force that you yelp in surprise, grasping his muscled forearms… but soon pleasure overtakes you, and you release a soft moan as his hips rock steadily against yours… your body responding with equal rhythm.

“Oh, how I need you… Catherine… always…” "I love you, Liam, …so much…” “I love you…”

His kisses are deep and hot as he begins to drive harder, faster… his hands clutching your thighs until he feels you quiver in ecstasy and with one last powerful push, he releases inside you as a wave of warmth flows through your body.

“Liam…Ohhh, Liam…” “Catherine…you are so beautiful…”

You collapse into each other’s arms until the trembling subsides…When you both catch your breath, Liam lifts you off the desk and smiles. “Have you noticed how each time we’re together, it’s always better than the last?” You start gathering your clothes. “I have. What do you think it means?” “I’m not sure…it could be that our love is so strong that it allows us to connect on a much deeper level… as if you know what I need before I do and vice versa.” “Liam, I knew we were soulmates, from day one.” He kisses you and then smiles as you both get dressed and head to your bedroom.

After cleaning up you each put on fresh clothes, then make your way to the dining room where Constantine and Regina are waiting.

“Liam, good to see you son.” “Father, Regina, it’s good to be home tonight.” “We were just about to begin without you two. I wasn’t sure if you had decided not to join us after all.”

She smiles almost as if she knows what just happened in your office. Liam holds out your chair and once seated, he takes the one next to you. Servers bring out the spread and each of you begin helping yourself.

“We are only a few minutes late, but we appreciate your patience.” “Were you able to discuss the platform yet?” “Not yet. I will be presented immediately following lunch tomorrow.” “Oh, that might work to our advantage. Everyone will be more relaxed after a good meal. Keep me informed along the way. I’m anxious to see how Cordonia is received.” “Certainly father.” “I’m actually glad you came back tonight. I have a bit of news I would like to share.” “I’m listening.” “I saw my doctor this morning…” “And?” “And, you know I was placed on a new treatment plan recently and… well, the report came in today.” “What were the results?” “It seems there is a bit of improvement.” “How much of an improvement?” “Enough that my cancer has slowed in progression and with continued treatment, it’s quite possible to achieve remission.” “That is wonderful news father! And I just noticed that you’re not in your wheelchair. This is new.” “I would prefer if you didn’t refer to it as my wheelchair… that thing is such a nuisance. I decided to put it away and try walking more… to build up my strength. ” “So how’s that going?” “Very well actually. And as for my other issues, the lightheadedness is all but gone and the nausea is being well controlled with medicine.” “I am relieved to hear that father. It’s good to know that there is finally some hope.” “Enough about that. I have other news as well. Catherine mentioned the Apple Festival this morning and I had neglected to mention that your brother might be in attendance with his family.” “I don’t know if I can stand any more good news. It will be good to see him and meet his family after all this time.” “It will be wonderful having the entire family in attendance for a change. I have missed many opportunities with regard to that and I hope you won’t make that same mistake Liam.”

Liam looks at you with a smile, taking your hand and kissing it gently.

“Father, nothing is more important to me than family and spending time with the ones I love… And one in particular.” “I’ll make sure he doesn’t forget.” “Catherine, since this will be your first time organizing the festival, will you be needing any assistance with preparations?” “Actually, I was going to ask you about that. I’m not sure about the decorations and I want to keep it as close to tradition as possible. Would you mind giving me a few pointers?” “Of course not. To be perfectly honest, I have missed certain duties of being queen and it would be a pleasure to help any way I can.” “And, I can learn from one of the best in the process.”

Regina laughs appreciatively.

“Oh dear, I don’t know about that, but I’ll be at your disposal. And don’t underestimate yourself. You have done quite well without my help so far.” “I do my best but I’m sure there is a lot more to learn.” ��You have mastered many tasks my love and I am very proud to have you as my queen.” “Well thank you, Liam. You’re not so bad yourself.”

Liam laughs, as does Constantine and Regina. Once everyone is finished eating, you all sit back and relax for a moment.

“That was a very satisfying meal, as is the company.” “I’ll second that father.” “Would you just look at us… I think you might say we’re behaving somewhat like a family.” “Yes…it’s quite refreshing isn’t it?”

Everyone smiles pleasantly at each other but no one responds to Regina’s question. Obviously, it is agreed. Liam breaks the silence.

“Father, do you need my assistance before Catherine and I retire?” “No, I still have my nurse you know. No need to make a fuss. And besides, you have an early day tomorrow, so you should get some rest.” “Very well. Regina, do you need help getting him upstairs?” “Actually, he’s walking quite well but thank you. We’ll manage.” “If you are sure then, we shall bid you both goodnight.” “Good night my children.” “Sleep well you two.” “And you as well dear.”

Liam stands, looking at you expectantly and you rise from the table, taking his outstretched hand with a smile. As you exit the dining room, you walk hand-in-hand toward the stairs.

“Hey, Liam?” “Yes, love.” “Would you mind if we took a stroll through the gardens?” “I think I can manage for a moment or two.”

You continue walking until you’re outside and in the palace gardens. The breeze of the summer air caresses your skin and gives you a peaceful sensation.

“So, why the gardens My Queen?” “I just thought we could both use some fresh air.” “Good idea. It is a beautiful night, but would you mind if we sat on the bench?” “Not at all.”

As you both sit, Liam drapes his arm around you and you lean against him laying your head on his shoulder. A wave of serenity falls over you and you sigh.

“Something on your mind?” “No, I’m just happy you came home tonight.” “You were very persuasive.” “Yeah, I have that effect on people.” “I’d call it a gift.”

You both look up to the stars dancing around in the open sky and listen to the crickets chirping and the leaves rustling in the trees.

“Liam, do you remember the Masquerade Ball?” “Of course I remember. It was the second time I laid eyes on the most beautiful sight I had ever seen…” “Aww, you’re such a romantic…”

“I’m only telling the truth, my love.” “What were you thinking that night when you realized I had come here as one of the suitors?”

Liam smiles fondly. “I spotted you long before you made your identity known… And to be perfectly honest, I wanted it to be you. But I had to keep telling myself that it simply couldn’t be. You can only imagine my joy and surprise when I realized the woman of my dreams had traveled all this way just for me. I mean, after that night in New York, I never thought I’d see you again.“ "So you thought about me after you left New York?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Catherine. The truth is, I was in love with you then… even though I wouldn’t let myself admit to it. When I got back to the hotel that night, I felt so empty. I had let the most incredible woman I’d ever met, walk out of my life for what I thought would be forever.” “You know, after I walked back to my apartment that night, I remember thinking that same thing. How could I have fallen in love with someone I’d just met? Before I knew it, I was sitting on the edge of my bed laughing at the irony of it and didn’t even realize I was crying too until a few drops fell on my arm.”

Liam pulls you closer.

“Oh Catherine, I never knew…” “Even with no promise of anything more, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and how meeting you had changed my life. I felt alive for the first time and I was never going to be the same again. We truly had a special connection and I had to come here and find out for myself if it was real, because no one would have ever measured up to you in my eyes.“ "That’s exactly how I felt Catherine… That night was no accidental meeting between two strangers, it was preordained to bring us together.” “Yeah. I’m glad we didn’t disappoint the stars.” “Can you even imagine what things would have been like for both of us had you not followed your heart?” “I’m glad we’ll never know.” “My life would have been so empty without you…”

Liam reaches under your chin, tilting your head up and kisses you softly, slowly. You pull him closer, pressing against his body, wrapping your arms around him as the kiss quickly becomes inflamed with passion. He pulls back for a moment, a hunger in his eyes…

“Shall we take this upstairs?” “You read my mind.”

You both rise from the bench and make your way back into the palace, up the stairs and finally to your bedroom. As soon as the door closes behind you, he kisses you fervently and as if by magic the clothes begin to fall, piece by piece, all around the room. He leads you to the bed where you lie down pulling him with you. He blankets you with kisses as he slides down your body and pauses looking up at you. He smiles a devious smile as his hand delves to your inner thighs and watches your reaction to his roving fingers. You open your legs to accommodate him as he slowly kisses you to your core. He groans when he tastes you and with his tongue probing deeper, you let out a gratified whimper.

“Liam…” “Mmmm… you taste so sweet…”

His hands grasping your thighs tightly as he continues his pursuit of giving you pleasure, relishing every moment himself. When he slides back up to take your lips again, you shift your body, turning him over until he is laying on his back and you are balanced above him smiling confidently.

“What’s this?” “You’ll see.”

He smiles, eagerly awaiting your next move. You bend down and kiss him hard and he moans in approval. He urgently grabs your waist but releases when you begin tracing a line of kisses down his neck, over his chest and down until you reach his length. You take him in your hand and kiss the tip ever so slightly.

“Oh, Catherine…”

Then you let your tongue roll over the top for a moment before slowly taking him in your mouth. His breathing heavy and he groans deeply as you devour him repeatedly.

“Ohhh…Catherine, don’t stop…stop…”

As he struggles to keep from exploding, he reaches for you, but you’re not quite finished yet. You flash him a smile and slide your tongue from the bottom of his length all the way up and quickly draw the tip into your mouth, tasting him as a trace suddenly escapes. He urgently pulls you up as you straddle him and without hesitation, he guides your hips and slides inside you. You hold onto the headboard for leverage as you steadily move against him, he eagerly matches your pace. With the heat intensifying, you quicken the rhythm and once he feels you tremble, a fire bursts inside you with uninhibited power.

“Liam… yes…” “Ohhh… Catherine.”

You collapse on his chest as you both lay breathless. Afterward, you roll to his side and he pulls you close… you lay your head on his chest as he strokes your arm affectionately. Both of you content and satisfied.

“You continue to amaze me, Catherine.” “So I take it you approve.” “Definitely.” “There’s more where that came from.” “I almost didn’t make it this time…”

He suddenly laughs.

“What?” “I just wonder what you would have done if I hadn’t resisted.” “You should have let me finish.” “How would I ever satisfy My Queen if I had let that happen?” “I’m sure you’d figure something out.” “I’m glad you think so.”

He smiles and leans over placing a sweet kiss on your lips. You sigh in contentment.

“Let’s get cleaned up and then try to get some sleep. I think two flights in one day has finally caught up with me.” “Not to mention other activities that might have contributed to your fatigue.” “I’ll never get enough of you Catherine, fatigued or otherwise.”

You both get up and head to the bathroom to freshen up. Once finished you climb into bed and curl up against Liam. He wraps you in the warmth of his arms and kisses your forehead, sighing in contentment.

“I’m so glad you came home. I sleep much better with you next to me.” “Me too my love.” “If only I hadn’t planned that charity brunch tomorrow I could have made the trip with you.” “We should coordinate our schedules a bit better in the future.” “At least I have you for tonight.” “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else love.”

You lean over kissing him and then lay your head on his chest as he pulls you closer and smiles.

“Goodnight, my queen.” “Goodnight, my king.”

Soon you are both fast asleep.

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pass-the-bechdel · 6 years

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Supergirl season three full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

100% (twenty-three of twenty-three).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

57.23%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

All but one (it was that crappy crossover episode). All but four have casts over 50%.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Zero.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Forty-four. Twenty who appeared in more than one episode, five who appeared in at least half the episodes, and two who appeared in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirty-four. Ten who appeared in more than one episode, four who appeared in at least half the episodes, and one who appeared in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

Not bad; a handful of episodes included some sincere effort to make quality statements about social issues, but they were pretty clunky about it and not always successful; certainly never impressive enough to increase the content rating (average rating of 3).

General Season Quality:

Middling. It was full of useless plot threads and wasted time, and much of the content had no real function; consequently, the central story arc lacked stakes, emotional resonance, and heart. That said, most of the episodes are basically solid viewing, and there was infinitely less rage-inducing content than there was in season two. That’s a weak win, but still a win.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

Hey, remember Morgan Edge? He was in four episodes at the beginning of the season, served no real narrative function despite his prominent treatment within those recurrences, and then Lena had him arrested using the most obviously-coerced confession in history? Sure, he was guilty, but he confessed under duress while being actively threatened with death by drone, the evidence of both the tape itself and of the testimony of the many eyewitnesses to the attack would have had him bouncing out of jail like that. The ridiculousness of that plot ‘resolution’ was even worse than the meaninglessness of Edge’s character in the first place. Remember when, briefly, they pretended that Morgan Edge was important?

Edge is a prime example of the fatal flaw in this entire season: pointless plot threads that went nowhere, meant nothing, furthered no characterisation for regular characters, and had no impact on the central arc of the season. Story-wise, the season lurched all over the place, and while it wasn’t without its good elements, ultimately it achieved very little. Sure, the season ended with a number of apparent changes for most of the major characters’ lives (though, conspicuously, not Kara’s) - Alex is now head of the DEO, J’onn is doing...something else, hopefully not something that removes him from the show, Winn has apparently gone to the future, traded out for our new friend ‘Brainy’ (a change I will be happy for if it sticks), and James has publicly revealed himself as Guardian - but the thing is, these changes are mostly last-minute, not things that the season was building toward all along. These changes are mostly not the result of character arcs, they’re just things that are happening now as set-up for next season. This season itself? Not much happened.

We wasted quite a lot of time with Mon-El, AGAIN, which is especially disappointing because it’s the largest time-and-attention-suck of the season, and it is completely irrelevant to everything; at least when we were wasting time with Mon-El last season, it was because he was the centrepiece of the (awful) plot. This time around, he’s just there to draaagg out the fallout from his departure, so that instead of getting over the relationship within the six months between the end of last season and the beginning of this one, Kara can continue to pine ridiculously and then get caught up in ~complicated feelings~ when Mon-El reappears, back from the future and bringing his new wife with him. That’s the closest thing Kara gets to a personal arc this season, actually; having ~complicated feelings~ about Mon-El. So, her story isn’t really about herself, it’s about whatever Mon-El is doing (again!), and then after wasting the entire season on that sorry excuse for a story, they amicably split in the end and he goes back to the future and that’s...it? I sincerely hope that’s it, and that he won’t be appearing again as a regular on the show, but it’s also a super disappointing waste of time. They didn’t have to bring Mon-El back at all, not for some drawn-out version of ‘closure’ for Kara, and not for any of the other nothing that his presence achieved in the meantime. Honestly, having characters show up FROM THE FUTURE and then not doing anything useful or important with it is so weird. We coulda dropped Brainy here and sent Winn away in a short-arc subplot, it’d have been neater and less time consuming, and we wouldn’t have troubled with all the Mon-El and Imra crap. As much as Mon-El kept carrying on about how he would never disrespect Imra, the story itself disrespects her by giving her no other meaningful narrative function than to be a barrier between Mon-El and Kara (which, as the story plays out...didn’t matter anyway). The whole thing amounts to a lot of bluster with no real impact; we end the season with Mon-El gone and Kara having to move on, and that’s EXACTLY HOW WE ENDED LAST TIME.

Meanwhile, back at the actual central arc for the season, shit was still whack, y’all. I wondered what they were gonna do with it after they went and had Reign show up so early in the piece (I thought maybe they were gonna build over the course of the season with Samantha progressively losing more control, but, that woulda required narrative pacing and story building to be in play, and the creators weren’t into that kind of crap this season), and what they went for was a completely pointless side-distraction with two other, lesser world-killers, who appeared out of nowhere, fooled around for a few episodes, and then died, ne’er to trouble the story again. Reign absorbing their powers didn’t have any effect (particularly egregious since the Legion was so worried about Pestilence, only to declare their work done once she was gone because apparently, Reign wasn’t gonna go around using that particular world-killer power anyway, because...reasons), they might as well have never included other world-killers at all, the only reason they were there was so that the plot could tread water for a while after revealing its Big Gun at mid-season and having nowhere left to go. Selena and her fellow witches, likewise, proved utterly pointless, just another distraction that wound up easily dispatched, and meanwhile Reign was killed/separated from Samantha only to return again and then be pretty easily defeated anyway with a combination of shoddy time travel and the last-minute addition of a convenient...magic fountain. Yeah. Even the oft-repeated notion they hammered about saving Samantha by recalling her to herself, using her connection with Ruby, etc, turned out to be a total smokescreen - Samantha and Ruby both proved to be total plot devices rather than characters in their own right, foisted on the pre-existing characters to generate artificial emotional stakes with a friendship that burst forth fully-formed in the space of two episodes, and giving Alex a child to focus her maternal instincts on for a while. Presumably, we’ll now never see them again.

Oh, and did I mention that Kara finds out that her mother and a whole chunk of Krypton actually survived, but they totally underplay it and she has essentially no emotional reaction to this development at all? Since this seemingly life-altering revelation also has no impact on character or story, they might as well not have bothered, I mean, Kara is more hung up on losing her asshole boyfriend from last season than she is on discovering that a whole piece of her world (friends/family included) is actually still around, so. Who needs logical characterisation, anyway? For all that Kara complains about feeling out of balance living two lives, she also spends almost no time living as Kara Danvers instead of Supergirl in this season (especially the second half); remember when her job as a reporter used to matter to character or story, like, at all? Remember when actually being seen to balance things was a source of narrative conflict and development? Now, if she had discovered that surviving part of Krypton near the BEGINNING of the season instead of in the fourth-last episode, maybe she could have spent the season having, I dunno, a sort of character arc about dealing with it? Selena and the relevant mythology on the world-killers and the ways to kill them/make them/whatever could have all been introduced in earlier parts of the season so that they could BUILD THE FUCKING NARRATIVE instead of just throwing in convenient new plot devices and information at the last second? Maybe the whole story could have been improved by making it actually about the character the series is named after, and analysing her still-developing relationship with her identity and its duality? It’s such a fucking obvious character arc I want to punch something. How, HOW was this not what the whole season was about? How did we end up futzing around with Mon-El and pointless future-visitors and extra antagonists who didn’t matter to the season or its characters at all?

If you forgot that they also had some time-wasting with some fanatical cult crap on Earth that mostly just served to provide Kara with yet another character to drop explainers about things instead of having her learn stuff in some kind of plot-related fashion, I could understand; it was pretty forgettable. Alex and Maggie broke up, which was rather sudden and wasteful, really, but at least it was tied to Alex’s realisation that she wants to have children and that constituted one of the only solid character threads of this messy, wishy-washy season (though it also often kept Alex distracted in other parts of the story and not having those all-important sisterly interactions with Kara which formed the backbone of the show in the first season, so, boo for that). J’onn had his dad around for a while, and that was legitimately pretty good stuff (y’all know I’m weak for Martians), though I really hope it has some strong narrative fallout in season four because otherwise it seems like a plot designed to torture J’onn emotionally, as if his story isn’t already tragic enough. They also wasted James less this season? Unfortunately, they wasted Lena more, and I’m especially suspicious of the way they not only strangled the amount of story she spent with Kara as a friend, they also threw in this awkwardly-executed situation with Lena actively disliking Supergirl and turning Kara’s secret into something which jeopardises their future relationship. Their interactions last season were so strong, and the effort to put space between them in this season feels overt (giving Lena a romance with James and a new/old best friend in Samantha contributes to this); I can’t help but wonder if the Powers That Be were upset that they’d accidentally made a female relationship with more chemistry than the canon-lesbian couple (and at the same time as they were badly failing at giving Kara a believable hetero love interest, no less) and decided that breaking up one of their best character partnerships was preferable to anyone reading the hero of the story as anything other than straight. They’ve made so many hugely questionable decisions about Kara’s personal life at this point, no BTS fuckery would surprise me. Remember season one, when the plot had a shape and the characters generally did things for understandable reasons? Those were the days. We’re closer to getting back to them now than we were after the disaster that was last season, but I’m still not banking on the show ever regaining the focused quality which made the first season work so well. To do that, they have to start telling stories about Kara again, at minimum. That would be a start.

#Supergirl #Supergirl season three #Bechdel Test #female representation #full season review

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screams-4-memes · 5 years

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A Silent Voice: an incredibly thought out clusterfuck

Here I will be giving my interpretations of A Silent Voice's main characters, picking apart their thought processes and trauma! Beware, there will be brief discussion of suicide. I will do my best to keep it as brief as possible. And, of course, spoiler alert!

Ishida's character is wonderfully complicated and incredibly frustrating! I hypothesize that he suffers neglect from his family, thus copes by acting out in school. This, of course, self-rationalizing (convincing himself that he's just doing what anyone else would do and no one could possibly blame him for his actions) his bullying and bad behavior, thus worsening with age without treatment or guidence.

Shoto suffers abuse from her mother and her classmates, stunting her personal growth and confidence. She's led to believe everything is her fault due to the near constant abuse. This also had the side effect of low self esteem, which explains nearly all of her actions.

So, due to the guilt inflicted when he had a very minimal epiphany (due to the bullying of his classmates) hinting that what he did was wrong, Ishida did whatever he could (that wouldn't put his pride at risk) to relieve the guilt. Whether he realized it or not, it was absolutely for his own personal gain - which was to relieve the pain. He wanted to relieve the pain the guilt, thus his suicide attempt.

At his first attempt to redeem himself (showing up at her classroom), she's curious but hesitant. She doesn't have the ability to hold grudges or hold anyone other than herself accountable, so her hesitation doesn't last long. At first, it's apparent she had anxiety about him at first. She fled from him, running through the school and trying to hide. But then, they communicated. She was basically forced to communicate with him and listen to what he had to say. Then, she gave him another chance. As time passed, she accepted his poor attempts at redemption.

And so it goes, due to her low self esteem, lack of confidence, and inability to blame anyone but herself, Shoto then romantisizes and idolizes Ishida. He was the first one who showed any speck of guilt for his poor actions. She hasn't been shown that kindness for longterm by anyone other than her sister. After some time, Shoto tries to confess to Ishida and he can't understand her voice. Of course, her feelings linger. He kept being "kind" to her and nothing really changed after that other than some newly gained "friends."

Then, when there's FINALLY an apology and closure, after all this time spent trying to relieve his guilt, Ishida confesses to the girl he needed that forgiveness and relief from. He probably still feels unworthy of living, so he's trapped in his own subconscious feeling of never being good enough. This reaches a full circle with his neglect from his family. Ishida constantly acted to try to finally acheive the feeling of being good enough. He acted out in school to gain the approval of classmates. He tried bullying an easy target to make himself feel less inadequate. Once he was made to feel even more inadequate by the principal and his classmates, he did what we could to "redeem" himself/make himself feel good about himself again. When he reached rock bottom and thought he'd never be good enough, he attempted suicide. He acts on this to the point where he yearns for a romantic relationship with a girl he barely knows on a personal level just to gain some peace of mind and a feeling of redemption and adequacy.

In all honesty, I see his movie as a tragedy rather than a romance. The two main characters' actions were meerly due to each person's maladaptive coping mechanisms and mental/emotional shortcomings. Ishida felt the need to persue Shoto: the object of his redemption and relief. Shoto, save for - maybe - her sister and grandma, was never shown was a healthy relationship, platonic or romantic, was like. Even with her sister, it was unheathily protective and borderline controlling. After for her grandma, she showed minimal guidence or influence in Shoto's life. Ultimately, Ishida will realize that he still feels unworthy despite having gained the object of his relief and will probably lash out in anger at whoever he can: Shoto. Shoto will undoubtably blame herself, suffering never ending self-blame. Without guidence, Ishida will not become aware of his constant feeling of inadequacy, and Shoto will not stop apologizing and blaming herself for everything that is even the slightest inconvenience.

So, that's just my hot take! I realize one's perspective may be different, and that's okay! I don't think my perspective is the only right one. I'd like to acknowledge the view that takes Ishida being bullied into account, arguing that he realized how Shoto felt and genuinely, selflessly felt guilty and wanted to make it up to her.

Let me know what you think!

#a silent voice #anime #review #shoto #ishida #mental illness #suicide #tw: suicide #tw #deaf

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mooxnlights · 6 years

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Stay

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Characters: Michael Gray x reader

Warnings: Very brief mention of John’s death, like one swear.

Word Count: 3,121

Requested: Yes

@poisonxxvy: hey there :) I just found your blog and I'd love to see you write more about the peaky blinders. soooo I wanted request something with michael, maybe the reader and Michael knew each other when he was still Henry and he just left her without saying anything, so after years she finds him and shows him a brick from that wishing well he wanted to blow up (as in she did it for him) and you could decide the ending :)

A/N: Thank you so much for this request! I thought it was so cute and I think this the first piece I’ve written in a while that I actually kind of like? Let me know what you think of it x

y/n = your name

You let out a breath as you stepped on the train, your heart racing a mile a minute. You held on tightly to your bag as you searched for an empty compartment, settling for one that was occupied by a friendly looking woman and a child you assumed must have been her son. You smiled politely as you took a seat across from them holding your bag in your lap as you closed your eyes momentarily to take in the situation you were currently in.

You had never left your village before, you were born there, raised there and for a while you believed you were destined to die there. That was until your best friend Henry found his way out when you were both 17. He told you with remorse how he had to leave, how he had to find out the truth about himself after a strange man with fancy car had shown up at his door. He wanted to know about the life he should’ve had, even if that meant leaving you behind. He actually almost backed out of it, telling you that he couldn’t leave you behind by yourself, you were each others only friends in the quaint yet boring village. But you reminded him of all the conversations the two of you had in the past about finding a greater purpose rather than staying imprisoned in a place shut off from the rest of the world. After that it didn’t take much to convince him to go, and with the promise that he'd write to you as often as possible if he didn’t come back, you saw him off.

That was nearly four years ago and now here you were, on a train bound to Birmingham from Sheffield after Rosemary, the woman you grew up believing to be Henry’s mother, had informed you that he was in hospital, how she found out you had no idea but you didn’t care, you just got the address from her and packed a bag taking the small amount of money you had to pay for a train ticket. Rosemary had also told you that she went to visit him, she told you about how much he had changed, how he smoked now and went by the name of Michael Gray instead of Henry Johnson, something he never mentioned in his letters that he ultimately stopped sending in the first six months of him living in Birmingham. You didn’t care about any of that though, what you cared about the reason he was in hospital, gun shot wounds.

Learning that was when you decided that he indeed was Michael Gray. Your Henry would never have gotten himself involved in anything that could put him in so much harm. The most dangerous thing he had ever thought of was to blow up the wishing well that sat in your village.

You smiled at the memory of you both laying underneath the old apple tree in your backyard one warm afternoon, coming up with a plan to destroy it only a month before he left for Birmingham. It wasn’t with malicious intent that you two decided this, it was your own way to find some sense of closure. The amount of coins that were sat at the bottom of that well full of desires for love, good health, thriving crops and two specifically wishing for a greater meaning, to find purpose outside of the only life you had ever known. You and Henry were 15 when you had tossed those coins into the well and you both had regretted it since, concluding that you had to achieve this on your own instead of waiting around putting all your faith into a coin and an old brick well. So once Henry had left you did it, you managed to blow up the well you both despised with the hope that it would be the first thing Henry noticed if he decided to come back, only he didn’t.

When he told you he was going to stay and live in the town of Small Heath in the first letter you received from him your heart broke, but you were mostly filled with anger. You were angry at yourself for being so selfish, for hoping that he would come back to you even though you pushed him to leave, you were angry that you believed he would return to this boring lifestyle after getting a taste of the real world. But most importantly you were angry that you thought he would even consider any of those things all because of the feelings you had never confessed to him.

So you decided to save every single penny you could find in hopes that one day you would make it out with enough money to find a cheap flat somewhere, anywhere, you didn’t care, as long as it was far away from Sheffield. But there weren’t many jobs available in your small village which is why it has taken you almost four years to save up the money you had with a portion of it now going to a train ticket leaving you with not nearly enough for a cheap apartment, but you didn’t care, you’d spend the rest of your life in that god forsaken village if it meant that you got to see Henry one last time.

The train ride seemed to pass by rather quickly as you were pulled out of your day dreams at the sound of the train whistle and the conductor announcing you had reached your stop. Glancing at your wristwatch once you stepped onto the platform you noticed almost two hours had passed since you first got on the train, you had no time to dwell on the fact that simple memories of Henry had managed to distract you for so long because as soon as you looked up it felt like a cold bucket of water had been thrown on you. You were being hurried along in the crowds of people as you attempted to take everything in, the new change of pace was almost overwhelming as you looked around and took note of the different style of clothing and fashion standards surrounding you. You pulled a handkerchief from your coat and held it to your mouth as you coughed into it, your lungs and nostrils having been invaded by the second hand smoke from cigars and cigarettes that every second person seemed to have between their lips or fingers.

Finally making your way out of the crowd and onto the street you managed to hail down a cab giving the driver the piece of paper with the address of the hospital Henry was currently at. As you sat in the back seat you took the time to think about how he would react when he saw you, if he would be annoyed that a piece of his old life had returned or if he would be excited to see you again. You dismissed the latter as you assumed if he really did still care about you he would’ve stayed in touch.

You sighed as you gave the driver the coins he required for his service once he pulled up outside the hospital and decided to take in the streets then and there as you knew the short time you were going to be spending in Birmingham would be your only chance to experience life outside of your village but you reminded yourself it was for Henry, whether he likes it or not you had to make sure he was okay with your own eyes.

You gulped nervously and walked through the doors of the hospital, asking a nurse where you could find Michael Gray’s room before being escorted up stairs and to the end of a hallway where she turned and left you in the company of two men standing in front of what you assumed to be Henry’s door, they were dressed similarly, with peaked caps adorning their heads despite being indoors. Their stoic postures and what you noticed to be handguns poking out of their coats was intimidating to say the least.

“What’s your business here?” One of the men demanded in his thick Birmingham accent, not caring for how uncomfortable you obviously were.

“I- I’m an old friend,” you stuttered out, as you nervously pulled your coat tighter around you.

The other man looked you up and down and scoffed, “you’re scaring the girl, surely she cant do too much damage.”

“Damage? I’m just here to visit,” you responded to his comment in confusion.

“Right,” the first one said snatching your bag from your hands before he started to go through it, before you could protest however the second man walked forward and started patting you down and checking your pockets. You stayed quiet when you realised what they were doing, remembering the reason why Henry, or Michael you should say, was in the hospital in the first place. Common sense also reminded you that you probably shouldn’t argue with a couple of huge armed men.

Satisfied that you had no weapons on you, you were handed back your bag while the second man took his hands off you and backed away turning to open the door just enough to poke his head through, “Michael mate, you got a visitor, says she's an old friend or something.” Closing the door and stepping to the side, the men let you pass, you nodded politely to them and hurried past opening the door and slipping through without a word.

When you first laid eyes on him your breath caught in your throat, he was sitting at a table with a cigarette between his fingers and a newspaper that he had dropped on the table second he saw you. He didn’t look much different, he looked more mature, more like a man, but that being said he wasn’t a teenager anymore. He looked just as handsome as you remembered, despite looking a bit more rough, that only made you wonder even more what he was doing now that ended up with him in a hospital bed.

It was only when he said your name that you came back to reality, you watched him as he stood up and butted out his cigarette in the ash tray on the table, now noticing a cane that was propped up against the chair as he grabbed it and walked over to you stopping less than a metre in front of you.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly as he stared at you, almost like he was trying to figure out if it was really you.

“Your mum- I mean Rosemary, I know she’s not your real-” You stopped yourself, you were at a loss for words. You had imagined all the possible outcomes for how he would react to seeing you but you never thought about what you would actually say to him. You cleared your throat and gathered yourself as you stared into his eyes, “I, um, I heard you were in the hospital and I wanted to make sure you were okay, I know it’s been a while but I was worried.”

All Michael could do was nod his head slightly while he looked down at his feet, a lump caught in his throat after seeing you for the first time in years. You noticed his hesitance and felt your eyes begin to water as you finally acknowledged the fact that you had lost your best friend.

“Why did you stop writing?” You whispered, knowing that if you tried to speak any louder your tears would fall.

His head shot up at this and he took in your appearance, you had barely changed, despite how much more beautiful you had gotten the main difference was how vulnerable you were, you never showed him that side of you, in fact he couldn't remember ever seeing you cry, so this sight absolutely broke his heart.

“I didn’t want to,” he responded.

“Then why did you? No one has ever been able to force you to do something you don't want to, or was that just Henry?”

Michael took your bag out of your hands and swallowed the lump in his throat, “please come sit down and I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

You said nothing but followed him over to the table where he sat your bag down next to it and took a seat across from you and dove into the story of who he is nowadays, not leaving out one illegal detail. You took his hands in yours when he told you of what he’s had to do for his family, his real family. He told you about the two men you met outside his door, the Peaky Blinders, his cousins, his real mother. It was when he told you about what happened to him and his cousin, John, and the black hand that him and his family had been dealt that it was his turn to hold your hands. He told you how Tommy warned him that it wasn’t safe to have ties back home, how that if your information fell into the wrong hands there would most certainly be consequences what with the amount of enemies the Shelby’s had. He told you how much it broke his heart to receive the letters you sent after his last one knowing that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if anything happened to you purely because of you being associated with him.

Once he had told you everything you two just sat in silence for a few minutes, him looking down at your hands he was still holding, he furrowed his brows and turned your right hand over and brought it closer to him after feeling the rough patch of skin.

“What happened?” He asked concerned staring at the long thin scar that went diagonally across your palm. That was one of the things you loved about him, how observant he was to notice something so small such as a scar.

You felt your face heat up and you looked down, “that actually reminds me,” you smiled and leaned down opening up your bag and pulling out what you were looking for. “A souvenir,” you said casually sliding the bundle across the table.

Michael looked at you confused before unwrapping the cloth and pulling out the jagged piece of white brick, a quarter of the size of what it should have been. You watched as the gears shifted in his head, his eyes darting from the brick to your hand.

“You- You did it?” He asked letting out a breath, you bit your lip to hide your smile as you nodded.

“Got in a hell of a lot of trouble for it too without you there to blame, so you better appreciate it,” you joked watching him stare in awe at the piece of brick still in his hands.

He finally started laughing and put it back on the table, taking your right hand in his and bringing it to his lips to kiss your palm softly. “You’re incredible,” he mumbled against your palm.

You let him continue to press soft kisses against your palm, staring in adoration as his eyes closed, his delicate hold on your hand never wavering. That was it. You had to tell him or else you never would.

“Michael,” you call his name softly, it being the first time you've used his real name but the sound of it seeming so natural and familiar at the same time.

“You can call me Henry if you want,” he responded his eyes open and his lips now off your palm but your hand still in his. You just shook your head at his offer, he wasn’t Henry, he never was.

“I’m in love with you Michael.”

You felt a weight lift from your shoulders the moment the words left you mouth, you weren't even fearing his reaction, it just felt so good to finally say it to his face after all these years.

“Do I need to say it back?” He questioned and before you could allow your brain to process what he had just said he continued, “because surely over the years you've caught on to how besotted I am by you,” you let out a relieved laugh as your eyes began to water for the second time today and Michael went back to kissing your hand. “I love you so much,” he admitted against your skin.

“Don’t leave,” he whispered after a moment of silence, “don’t go back there,” he said between kisses.

“I have to,” you said pulling your hand away from him gently and looking down, “I don’t have enough money to even rent a place out here.”

Michael got up, without his cane and walked over to you, you stood up quickly to make sure he was steady. “Michael,” you huffed and went to grab his cane to which he took your arms in his hands prohibiting you from moving as he looked in your eyes.

“Live with me y/n,” he said sincerely. “I know it’s selfish for me to ask but for once I want to be selfish, being around me might be dangerous now but I can’t let you leave, not after this. I promise I will protect you from anything and everything that could possibly hurt you, just please stay.”

All you could do was nod your head as you stared up at him, taking in the desperation in his tone, conveying exactly how you felt. He sighed in relief and pulled you to him until your lips met, despite his lips being rough and chapped the kiss was nothing short of loving and soft. When you pulled away Michael’s hands slid to your waist and yours to his shoulders. He stared into your eyes for a few short moments before letting out a laugh.

“What?” You asked at the sound of his laughter.

“That fucking wishing well,” he responded smiling back at you.

“What about it?”

“My wish came true.”

You looked up at him in confusion, “yeah, four years ago, when you got out of that bloody village.”

He shook his head with a grin, “I kind of lied when you asked me what I wished for that day.”

“Why?”

“Well because it wouldn’t have come true obviously,” he stated.

“And what was your wish?” You asked smugly. Michael said nothing but instead pulled you in for another kiss, smiling as you giggled against his lips.

Despite the literal holes in his body he had never felt so full of love and life until right now, with you in his arms.

#Peaky Blinders #peaky blinder imagine #michael gray #Michael Gray imagine #michael gray x reader #Michael gray oneshot #finn cole

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jinjojess · 5 years

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Jess Watches Akanesasu Shoujo Episode 12

I have saved this episode for a week so I could enjoy my Christmas by rolling in yuri trash. Too bad it decided that it suddenly wanted to fucking real talk.

I still don’t see what was so threatening about the angel wings in and of themselves

hey Yuu, I know you just poured your heart out at me, but here, have my walkman as a consolation prize

in all seriousness, the wordless exchange here is a nice example of “show don’t tell”

Mia is the only one who ever seems willing to actually try and DO something about whatever’s going down--everyone else just wants to stand like a meter away and gape

awww, Yuu trusts Asuka and is subtly telling her she expects her to return

and now she’s explicitly telling the others

Chloe, why does your hair look so off-model this episode?

another good “show don’t tell” detail is this pan of the footsteps, where envoy Asuka walks in a straight line while Asuka prime is all over the place

trying the Ransom of Red Chief strategy, I see

this thing about money from one fragment being taken to another and becoming essentially counterfeit is giving me flashbacks to Michimune’s election

please, envoy Asuka, don’t act like you don’t want chikuwa. it’s a universal constant, like Mia rejecting aspects of femininity, or Yuu being a big gay

so I’m not a twin, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve never started liking a food because my sister did

see, I told you. Kyou-chan just gets erased from existence in most iterations of the universe

awww, babby Asuka and babby Yuu had matching keychains!

okay so this anecdote is reminding me of the time my sister and I were playing in the long jump pit at the local high school while my parents walked around the track, and we dug so deep we hit dirt, then decided it would be a good idea to bury our Simba figures there. naturally, when it was time to leave, we couldn’t find them, and our dad had to dig up the entire sandpit to find them for us. it was an awkward car ride home

creators decided to get real avant garde this episode, yeah?

sure, nothing says emotional strength like bottling up your emotions and refusing to address them

okay, now THIS is interesting character development

this discussion of how grief is essentially a selfish emotion, and that despite everything we always have our own self-interest at heart, of how we find ways to torture and punish ourselves to assuage the guilt we feel for being so selfish, and how that too is ultimately self-serving... it’s good shit

Yuu, your parents are kind of shitty? like they’re dragging you into a taxi and leaving your friend, whom they presumably know, out in the fucking rain as a young elementary-aged kid?

that said, the refusing to cope as a coping mechanism is a very realistic reaction to deep personal loss

this show is so stupid sometimes but it’s starting to ramp up the actual meat of its thesis and you know what? it’s pretty poignant

Asuka’s two true great loves: Yuu, and her more serious self

angel wings for everyone!

I really hope the implication is that Kyou-chan is only so wise and insightful because he’s the mouthpiece through which Asuka tells herself things she’s learned--if he really was just that #deep then that’s kind of over the top

so like the whole “dead person lives on through you” thing is certainly a cliche, but it’s also true. so while I appreciate the sentiment and I think it’s appropriate, I would have preferred a different way of conveying it

packing up the stuff in Kyou-chan’s room is a more symbolic and powerful expression than the speech, I think

oh, you wanna go to the same university as Yuu, eh? you wanna share rooms, eh? you’re doing it for Yuu’s sake because she believes in your potential, eh??

Yuu’s cute either way, but man I hate how pop culture is all “ew, lose the glasses!” for girls because GIRLS IN GLASSES ARE CUTE, DAMMIT

pffft, you forgot Mayuki’s name

also she thinks you’re all fucking insane stalkers, good job

hey, Asuka, you aren’t bad at English

damn, Mayuki, you thirsty for Annie, ain’cha

HAHAHAHAHAHHA you just fist bumped Takkun like it was some emotional gesture

congrats on becoming a main character, Mayuki

Seriasuka, are you seriously so fucking dumb you can’t make it harder to tell that you stole miso?

I do like that it’s left ambiguous though

oh hey, you finally got your equalizer, Asuka

So...is this it for the season, or what? This episode certainly has an air of finality about it, but there’s a lot of unanswered questions still.

Some I can deal with being unanswered and still having a satisfactory ending--Yuu’s ditched her glasses, looking more like sexy!Yuu, which hints that she’s working herself up to living as her true self and confessing properly to Asuka (or moving on to be with someone else); not seeing Asuka transform is fine, since we’ve had Seriasuka here to do that the entire series so far; we don’t need to find Kyou-chan because he was within us all along; Seriasuka’s fate is fine by me as ambiguous.

Things that were never addressed that I’d like to know about: the biggie is the eventuality that the Twilight King will try to come back for their fragment, or will continue to wreck havoc in other fragments. The main thing was wanting to defeat the Twilight King so as to restore the fragments that were consumed by Twilight, and I can’t think that Asuka out here living her best life is going to be cool with leaving that as is. Wanting to take care of the clutter in other fragments in episode 10 was the right idea, but for the wrong reasons, whereas now we’re positioned to do the right thing for the right reasons--i.e., not out of a sense of guilt and having to take the place of someone because you feel complicit in their death, but because it’s want YOU want to do.

(Yes, there’s indication that Seriasuka is back because of the miso theft, but that could just mean that Seriasuka wasn’t actually consumed and was just incapacitated. Besides, if all is right in her world, why would she need to steal miso? Why wouldn’t she choose some other, less intrusive method of leaving a mark on the fragment for Asuka prime to find if that’s all she’s there for?)

Even if the Twilight itself is actually leaderless and more just a force of nature, like...entropy marches on, self-actualization or not. Does Twilight only feed on fragments where the inhabitants are especially vulnerable? Because that seems like a difficult thing to fend off.

Plus we still don’t get much of anything resembling closure from sexy!Yuu, who’s been in the show since like episode 2. Where’d she come from? Where’d she go? What happened to her Asuka, Cotton-Eyed Joe? I mean I don’t necessarily need all of those questions answered, but it’d be nice to at least like...see how she fits into the ending.

It’s a shame, because this anime gets much, much better as it goes on. It starts off pretty generic and silly, but it ends up tackling some pretty heavy issues that normally aren’t really discussed in Japan, especially when it comes to girls. There’s all these forms of love on display: self-love; familial love; romantic love; platonic love between close friends; even love for one’s community. The way the story shines is because it doesn’t elevate any one of these to be more important than the others, and that’s so damn refreshing!

Based on what I’ve seen Akanesasu Shoujo doesn’t have great reviews so far, which I can understand from the front end of the series. If you stick it out and let the fanservice and formula fall away though, the series does a couple of very interesting, very subversive things. Not a classic, to be sure, but I’d recommend it if your tastes align with mine.

#Jess watches Akanesasu Shoujo #Akanesasu Shoujo #Jess watches #long post

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ominousflare · 6 years

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It’s Been A While

So I haven’t been using tumblr for a long time (or used it that much to begin with), but since I’ve found myself some fellow Spider-Man fans here converse with, I feel I might as well become more active, or whatever.

Anyway, I might post my future Superior Spider-Man review here in the future once I get my lazy ass to finish it. I know, I know, it’s a five year old story. I’m incredibly late. Anyway, it’s also an incredibly long review, so I don’t know whether if I should post it here or just the link of it.

For now, I guess I’ll just post a past review of mine. Here’s a review of

ASM #698-700: Dying Wish

Well, it's finally happened. Peter Parker is dead. The bad guy wins. Happy 50th anniversary, Spider-fans! Hope you enjoyed watching your favorite hero kick the bucket on his special day!

I'll be honest with you. I've been preparing for the worst. I was really uncomfortable with the idea of this arc just from reading about its details, that Doc Ock was going to swap brains with Spidey and assume his mantle. It sounded very gimmicky and contrived. Ever since "One More Day" happened, the Amazing Spider-Man comic seemed less like a character study of Peter Parker, with each story becoming a product the writers pitched as the next big thing to draw the readers of tomorrow and keep the book afloat for the next 10-20 years. Even Straczynski's run spent more time exploring the kind of person Peter was as a husband, adding new layers and depths to the hero, instead of turning each book into the blockbuster of the month. That being said... it's a good story. Not a great one, but certainly not the horrible nightmare some of us had hyperbolically generalized in a fit of panic. Somewhat disappointing, but not worth writing death threats about. And honestly, after reading an insightful article written by Cody Wilson of the ever-reliable Spiderfan.org, I realized that we were partially to blame for this "new direction" anyway. It's partly on us, the death of Spider-Man. We can gripe and complain about the writers, editors and Marvel's entire company all day long, but when it comes down to it, we have to face the facts: Spider-Man is a product, and business was booming in spite of all the supposedly "terrible" creative decisions they've made. And like any product, we the customers are a key source of how the business will be run. Over the years prior to ASM #700, Marvel had been selling us different ideas by introducing story elements that would later be used again in "Dying Wish," and our feedback to those elements in earlier stories was what ultimately led to the "Superior Spider-Man," the book that would replace "The Amazing Spider-Man" title for better or worse - at least for a year and 33 issues. Through this review, I hope to address these "elements" and analyze which of them worked for me and which merely raised my anxiety levels.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER

This wasn't the first time a supervillain stole Peter Parker's identity. Back in ASM #602, Chameleon seemingly "killed" Peter in an acid pool and subsequently went about the rest of the day being him; even interacting with Peter's acquaintances and friends. Having the eccentric behavior of improving the lives of whomever he had disguised as, Chameleon did a few selfish things, including punching Mary-Jane's stalker (with the butt of a gun), calling Flash Thompson "Puny Flash" the way he called Peter years ago, and moving Harry's homeless butt into Peter's home. These "improvements" Chameleon made in Peter's life were well-received by readers, myself included, thereby providing Marvel the first piece of the puzzle they needed. I have to admit, Peter calling the ex-bully "Puny Flash" was a guilty pleasure on its own, giving payback to the football star after so long. On the other hand, he's a crippled war hero, so it was still a scummy thing to say. And while it could be fun to see someone carry out these naughty deeds in Peter's favor - doing and saying things some of us wish Peter would just have the guts to do - it could also lead to some really creepy scenes. Let's not forget, these were bad people taking over Peter's life, Octavius the sociopathic egomaniac included. In ASM #602, Chameleon made out with Peter's roommate, who wasn't aware who she was really kissing under that mask; this lack of consent was tantamount to an act of rape.

And then in #700, Otto (in Peter's body) was clearly thinking of having sex with MJ, a woman who would be unaware of the real person she's really sleeping with. This would eventually lead to some even more sleazy storyline in the "Superior Spider-Man," which I'll touch on in the future. Playing devil's advocate for a bit, one could argue that crippling a woman and stripping her naked to show how evil a villain is was in poor taste too, yet Killing Joke was held by millions as some gold standard of storytelling. What Dan Slott wrote seemed trivial by comparison.

KILL HIM TWICE, SHAME ON YOU

There's a reason why "Death of Spider-Man" worked in the Ultimate universe: Peter Parker died being known to his world as a hero, giving us a fitting finality. In the 616 universe, on the other hand? He died leaving a villain perving on his ex-girlfriend! What kind of finality was that?! What a way to shit all over our favorite hero! Of all the feedback Marvel took into consideration, this had to be the dumbest. It's like simple math to them: "People loved Ultimate Death of Spider-Man, therefore they must be okay with killing off 616 Peter Parker and replacing him with a murdering sociopath on his 50th birthday." Unfortunately, the best storytelling is anything but simple math. And unlike USM, the moments right before Peter's death here felt rushed. Ultimate Spider-Man had the benefit of "Ultimate Fallout", a mini series dedicated to addressing how everyone reacted to the death of such a great hero. Amazing Spider-Man didn't have that advantage and had to slap together several "closures" to end the book, including MJ finally confessing to Otto-Peter her love for him, Jonah Jameson finally approving of Spidey as a legit hero, and Peter experiencing a dream sequence where everyone he cared about who died came back to greet and thank him - all within a single issue. These "closures" should have been, in my opinion, focused on in an entirely separate issue of their own, not crammed together with the already crowded plot of #700. It ended up reading like a last minute homework assignment written hastily to beat the deadline.

There's also another thing that bothered me about Peter's final moments. Using the last remnant of his energy in Octavius' dying body, Peter was somehow able to channel the memories in his own body and forced Otto to experience all the guilt and pain he ever felt being Spider-Man. Afterwards, he almost seemed content to pass on the mantle to Doc Ock. Why was he so content with letting this potential killer take over his role as Spidey, and why would his dying wish be for Otto to take care of MJ and his loved ones? He's a selfish and self-centered jerk who only ever cared about himself! Why would he trust him?! No matter how sympathetic Otto came across, and no matter how desperate Peter was, it just didn't make sense. I wish there would have been at least a last desperate struggle on Peter's part to resist letting this psycho do whatever he wanted with his powers, not quietly accept his takeover. In fact, it would have made more sense if Peter had gone to the Avengers or the Fantastic Four instead, where he could have made it his last request to have them stop Doc Ock. Not to mention, they would have bought this "mind-swap" story a lot more than Carlie - who shot him multiple times when he tried to tell her the truth - did.

DRACO IN LEATHER PANTS

The third feedback Marvel collected was the sympathetic side of Octavius. There were a number of stories detailing this, depicting him as a frail young boy in the past who had aspired to be scientist (just like Peter Parker). And there's grounds for such sympathy too, for Otto never received the proper grooming Peter had, thereby being an ideal mirror of Spidey (much like the Joker and Batman). This ambiguous side of Octavius' morality was well-received, along with, of course, Spider-Man 2, where he was made into an even more sympathetic antagonist than his comic counterpart. Yet, the decision to place a murderer behind the mask of the webbed hero for a long period of time is strange and definitely inappropriate. Octavius is tied to at least three deaths, two of which were intentional: Bradley Miles in "Peter Parker: Spider-Man" Vol. 2 #40, James Warden in "Spider-Man/Doctor Octopus: Negative Exposure" #4, and the accidental death of George Stacy in ASM #90. Would that be appropriate for the kids reading this? Spidey's been a huge recognizable icon all over the world, and now kids are going to follow in the footsteps of this scum who thinks it's okay to break the other criminals' jaws or just straight up kill them (the latter of which we'll see in "Superior" later on)? With the recent "racial/sexual diversity" movement a more political Marvel was trying to gun for, I'm surprised they would risk such an idea in our SJW climate, not to mention the aforementioned sexual aggression towards MJ.

Again, there is potential for a good story here... if it's a tale of redemption, which would only work if Octavius turns himself in. Unfortunately, a move like that could possibly end the Spider-Man books for good (unless Peter returns), which is the exact opposite of why Marvel shook things up with this brain-swap in the first place (to keep the sales of Spider-Man books from dying). And even if the books continue with Otto being some kind of anti-hero vigilante hunted by the law, there's no way Spider-Man fans (and probably many parents) could approve of a murderer remaining as the new face of the inspiring hero for long. I think Marvel knew that. Marvel's not stupid. And we knew that Marvel's not stupid, so I'm sure lots of people have speculated Peter Parker's return long before he did. What I don't know is why Marvel even bothered to hide it. It's kinda an obvious eventuality. But when all is said and done, I admit that the idea of a Spider-Man who's not so morally clean does intrigue me, somewhat. Over the years, Spidey cutting loose and unleashing all the strength and powers in him can be cathartic. While it was his integrity that made him an amazing character we could look up to, there was also an underlying pleasure in seeing him punish those who deserve it; in seeing him get a little dirty to get things done. So to have "SpOck" (god that's an awful nickname) stay for a while before Peter eventually come back? I'm actually okay with that. I wouldn't mind seeing a "dark and gritty" chapter for Spider-Man. However, a key reason I would like this approach lies in a factor that applies to me: I haven't read the other darker Spider-Man spin-offs, which brings us to our final feedback and problem.

DARKNESS WITHOUT LIGHT BREEDS APATHY

There were two other Spider-Man spin-offs around the time this story arc was released. "Scarlet Spider" (Vol. 2) and Venom (Vol. 2), both of which received very favorable reviews (Venom, in particular), and were darker takes on the Spider-Man theme of power and responsibility (Scarlet Spider, in particular, since he's literally a clone of Peter Parker). If I want a darker story, I would read either of those. The only reason I didn't was because I only have enough time for Spidey alone. No time for the myriad amount of spin-offs out there. And now a third dark Spider-story is introduced, filled with murders and bloodshed - and believe me, there will be blood. I've mentioned before that I love dark stories. I live for them. They can touch on our basest emotions and provide us a form of catharsis the lighter and warmer tales couldn't. But this is another case of businessmen blindly relying on the numbers without considering the context. Too much darkness can ultimately lead to indifference in your audience, not to mention the fact that the "lighter" stories have their place in storytelling too, offering something dark stories couldn't either: hope, and moral inspiration.

Batman is an amazing character. His stories (often through his rogues' gallery) delve into a complex analysis of the human mind; of our darkest and most frightening emotions and personalities. But not everyone likes reading Batman, and even Batman fans probably don't want every superhero to be like Batman either! That would just dilute his unique quality. Besides, would you want all your heroes to be brooding or morally complex? Did you enjoy the dark and morose Superman in Batman v. Superman or even Man of Steel? Sometimes, we just want heroes to be heroes! Not straight up kill criminals without offering redemption like The Punisher and Wolverine! We already have those in the Marvel universe! Sigh. I'm merely playing devil's advocate here. As I've mentioned, 'Spotto Octavius' wasn't going to stay for the long-term, so it's fine. A temporary period of dark Spider-Man stories is fine. For me. But I do have to put my foot down and lay out what a darker Spider-Man means for the world, and why both writers and business executors alike must be careful not to push the scale too far. Balance. There must always be balance in all things. Take it from Thanos.

WAS THIS STORY ANY GOOD?

I talked a lot about the aspects that came to piece together this Frankenstein monster. But was the story entertaining in its own right? The short answer is yes, especially #698. That first part of the story was truly like Doc Ock said, a magic trick. It began with an ordinary day in the life of Spidey. Nothing seemed unusual. But by the end of it, I was left slack-jawed and so utterly impressed by Slott that I had to read the ending twice to see if I had misread something. The second and third issues went a step further. Essentially, the entire story arc could be summed up with "Peter trying to get back into his own body." But after we knew Peter was running out of time, the pacing of the story started to pick up really, really quickly. The readers would be as concerned as Peter, and at that time, nobody knew what was really going to happen because there was an announcement around that time that "The Amazing Spider-Man" book would come to an end. It's a real page-turning thriller in spite of its simple premise. Most gut-wrenching of all, they made Peter plead for his life. On his birthday.

Talk about a punch to the gut. Brings back tearful memories ("I don't want to go, Mr. Octavius"). Humberto Ramos' art really didn't help things. His depiction of Peter trapped in a dying body was a horrifying sight to endure for me. You could see all the horrid details; his skin decaying, his eye-socket popping out, and blood spilling out everywhere. I could only imagine how painful Peter's final moments were. No wonder many fans were outraged. This wasn't an honorable death in the arms of his loved ones like Ultimate Spider-Man; it was pure torture. Does Dan Slott actually hate Peter Parker? Still, I have to give credit where it's due. It's an emotional story (albeit for the wrong reasons at times), and it's a really ballsy one too where the bad guy actually won. And it wasn't just any bad guy either - it was one of Spidey's biggest bads of all. Since Norman Osborn had already became an Avenger villain, it made sense for the next biggest Spider-Man villain in line, Doc Ock, to be the one who would finally do him in. Now onto the other question: do I like the overall story? No. I don't hate it as much as certain stories in the past (marriage and The Devil come to mind), but on principle, I can't accept this story. I know why they made this story. It's almost the same thing as One More Day. I'm guessing the sales for ASM must have been dropping. And even if it wasn't, even if I'm completely wrong about the comparisons to OMD, I still don't like how shoddily his death was treated. I don't mind a Spider-Man death - I LOVED "Death of Ultimate Spider-Man." It respected and really reminded us why Spidey was the hero we loved. This story felt like just another rushed effort by Dan Slott to clean up the book and move onto the thing he seemingly loved more, Spotto Octavius "The Superior Spider-Man," a book that he's written far better than his entire run in ASM. Are we sure Dan is a Spider-Man fan? Or did he just like Otto?

To clarify, I don't begrudge Dan. It's more of the corporate decisions of Marvel executives that I'm so infuriated about. It's always the executives at one point or another whenever we are talking about a creatively-skewed story. And while his work might have been sloppy throughout most of his run, I was reminded recently that it might be due to Marvel pushing him with agendas and deadlines, so again, not his fault. What's done is done. And I've already began reading "Superior", even as I'm writing this. It's not bad, and it's everything I expected: an extremist Spidey willing to cross the line to get things done. I like it, just not how we got there. I mean, give me a break, Peter was my hero. Is it too much that I wanted a death that wasn't as insulting? At the least, I wish that "dream sequence" I mentioned was more than just a dream, and everyone Peter cared about actually came to pat him on the back for doing a good job, that it was time for him to rest. The fact that it was only a dream felt like the final slap to his face. "Good job, hero. Now get the f*** out of here."

Final Rating: Two webs out of five

I was going to give this story three webs initially. I really did. But looking back now at how Peter's death was treated, I feel more infuriated than satisfied, and also annoyed that it was just another corporate decision that never stuck, since he would come back later anyway. It cheapened the already cheapened idea of the comic book death. Now, even one of the most iconic heroes of all time suffered from the tired cliche of meaningless death.

Next time, I shall finally witness the birth of this supposedly "Superior Spider-Man" and see if Otto could truly surpass our lovable Pete as the hero we deserve:

#spider-man #spider-man fans #amazing spider-man #dying wish #dan slott #doc ock #doctor octopus

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