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rotten-rodentia · 2 years

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Angry ranting

Yesterday I missed a dose of my meds, and I got triggered by seeing one of the ppl involved jn the divorce last year and went spiraling into trying to find info on all of those ppl which just upsets me more

And since I hadn't taken my meds, my brain wouldn't chill for even a second And then I was kept awake bc I was hungry as hell.

Fell asleep at 5 am, woke up at like 9:40. Less than 5 hrs

Filled out a bunch of medical info I need for my endocrinologist, and tried to order my insurance card for another damn hour on the phone with a robot

Got contacted by manager asking if I could clock in extra early for the 3rd time this week, usually I'm like hell yeah extra money but I'm glad I didn't go to work early

Work was so damn busy today that I didn't get to cleaning the lobby until it was almost time to close anyway. Both trashcans were overflowing and there was a huge stack of trays, I started taking out trash so it would STOP overflowing but then right on time to piss me off some customers come in and I HAVE TO HELP THEM CUZ THATS ALSO MY JOB but I had to finish the trash

But if I make them wait, then I suck at my job cuz were fast food and its totally my fault that I'm the only person in charge of cleaning the lobby, 3 bathrooms, serving indoor customers, serving call in and online orders, And serving Doordash which also pisses me off cuz we'll get several Doordasg orders and the drivers like to come in super early and just stand around, or sometimes leave if we take too long. BUDDY THW APP SAYSI HAVE 15 MINUTES TO MAKE THE ORDER, I'M NOT LATE UR FUCKING EARLY. But also sometimes I am late, BC INDOOR CUSTOMERS ARE PRIORITY.

Anyway why the fuck are jobs like this? Why am I doing the work of multiple people just bc my boss wants to keep the percentage of labor under 25%?

They always schedule 1 lobby cashier to serve customers inside/doordash/call in/online orders, and 2 drive through bc drive through is the busiest

Oh and guess who has to stock all the drive through sides too?the ones for easy grabbing in the fridge? FUCKING ME.

Sweeping the lobby and the kitchen, scrubbing off the front line and the display windows, OH AND IM A BACK UP DISHWASHER.

And then my dad can't pick me up and wants me to somehow uber both me and my sister, who is at a completely different location and got off work at a different time.

Oh and apparently that one coworker who goes "Deadname this needs done" when I'm in the middle of doing something she already asks, every single minute she does that, not only is that one of the reasons other coworkers don't like her (the nagging instead of waiting for us to be done with something or even just writing a list), but our coworkers have literally corrected her on my name and she still does it. She's not even a manager either and she just bosses everyone around cuz she was SUPPOSED to train us (which doesn't happen at this establishment btw)

Highlights of my day: I saw a planned parenthood worker which just immediately made me happy, and I told her how much I appreciate them and she said that made her day bc usually when someone notices the planned parenthood logo they think or say bad things about them. Also my uber driver had a van decked out in halloween decorations which was awesome, she's my favorite uber driver now. It felt like riding with family or a friend she was so sweet

#max #rant #angry #ik I'm so overstimulated #actually autistic #adhd

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kassiemari · 2 months

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H I M

Hellowish HAHAHA I'm back bitches

Hay of course i'm here to give you some nonsense something to read to HAHAHA

First of all, Happy Valentine's Day Everyone !!!! Did you have a good day today? I hope you are well and good, have your special someone greeted you already? Or did he/she give you something to surprise you? Are you surprise either HAHAHA

Well I am too, not greeted, not something to surprise me but still I'm surprised on myself, HAY NAKU i'll elaborate everything so that I can breath already, this writing releases my unreleased thoughts that i want others to know but i can't say to them.

If you remember I first reopened my writing chenes here last 2022, and if as I remember I started doing online chatting, my last was Nikolas I think? But I stopped chatting with him why? He's married and has 2 kids (the nerve HAHAHA), after that I have another 2 guys to talk to until I met Sami.

Sami, the one im talking to up to present AHAHA. He's from London though, 32 that time, studying and super sweet. By the way his birthday is coming 25th of February na uyyy. We first met at online dating app (my coworkers influenced HAHAHA) on 2022 of May, his consistency on messaging me everyday makes my attention divert to him, i'm not interested in the first time because i have currently have someone to talk to on whatsapp too but his persistent and consistent messages makes me stopped talking to Ricky and talk to him instead, in fairness to Sami AHAAHAH were still talking.

Sami is very sweet on our conversations he's the one who always have a topic to talk to, asking you always’

How's your day?

What did you do today?

Did you eat? What did you eat?

What happened?

How's everyone at home

How they're doing at work

Like something like that always, that is something new to me, no ones asking me that (it feels good pala that someone asked you), he's my rant person na since 2022, hes listens to my all problem that day, all my encountered situations, family problem, what frustrates me, he always listens and give some good words to cool down my mood from grumpy to okay mood.

I guess not all we meet is can be what we imagined they will be, (disclaimer we not meet in person just video HAHAHA, every weekends and we have 8 hrs different time) why we video call on weekends because i don't have work that day that we can talk up to 2-3 hours i guess, like when saturday morning here in philippines, its friday evening there, so he's done at his part time job and classes, then on the 2023 everything changes HAHAHA that's what a relationship feels like? It started a week before his birthday. He seldom messaged me it was unusual. It takes 8 hrs to reply. So I ask and message him and I received explanation but in the next day, the overthinking inner self (maybe he’s with someone HAHAHA) I pass by that explanation and continue with him but it continues the same scenario on his birthday Ive greeted him but he replied on the next day again, after that I lie low on him i didnt reply quickly too and now he notice and ask me if we have a problem or i was mad on him ba? You know what? I've said all the differences that I notice in the past weeks. Oh he said sorry naman so don't worry we're okay naman after that HAHAHA HAROWT!!

Then, he greeted on the 1st year of being continue talking, but were not the same as 2022 everyday and every hour he always message but i guess that changes too because on June or July I discovered that he graduated at his study na on Feb but he didnt say about it. I asked for the grad pic though but he said in his friend daw (oooohkay) i didn't pursue the grad pic because he said he was gonna ask for it for his friend. I said it was okay (but inner self im screaming maybe on his new girl na or new special someone na).

We seldom talk na and the updates are not consistent anymore but he has a message everyday but you know the feeling when something changes. Then i decided to stop na I didn't reply to his messages for the straight 3 days but i've seen all his message, then one day when he bombed me messages and call i've replied and said all the feeling those days that i felt neglected, he says sorry though and we continue again what we started (HAYS WAKE UP GIRL, HE HAS NO PLAN HAHAHAHA) that what i've always thought but i'm still hoping.

Actually, we have 3 or 4 that i've decided to stop but still forgive him HAY NAKU, i stop sending everyday pictures (selfies and updates) that he was asking everyday, and he seldom sending too AHAHAH ANG GAGONG YUN, but the feeling that he has someone there that was near him bothered me and never neglect on my mind (is its weird? Or i didn't trust him) he always said naman he's just busy with work and no time for that, that only me that he was interested in (HUWAW ANG SWEET NG GAGO) HAHAHA

Hay naku this writing is like im narrating all my ‘journey’ with him (not literally journey) but guess what 3 or 4 times he said he want to meet me in person and goes here in philippines he ask for me to check if theres possible flight to booked to but scared inner me said to him ‘don't rush we can meet soon, just done what you need there’ HAHAHAH (OH AYAN GAGA OVERTHINK KA NGAYON AHAHAHA).

Until now I still overthink that thought that he was with someone there but i give up on always wanting to break up with him, (ooops i forgot to tell we were official na on june 2022 HAHAHA) HAROWT!!!! But you know he always messages naman but the excitement was not there anymore it's just me maybe on him too, i stopped accepting video calls too since last year i've always reasoned that i was late waking up but i'm awake when he message in the morning.

Now I'm still waiting for him to stop messaging me so I can move on. Do I? I've already fallen since October 2022 because that the 1st replied to him that you know you know (love back?) HAHAHAHAHHAHA. I have scenarios in my mind when he confesses to stop na (I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS HAHAHA), i'm tired asking for a break because at the end of the day i've always forgiven so i'm just waiting for him to get tired of messaging me.

Will we get tired of this setup? When will he be?

You have so many things know about me na

So i'll stop there na, i'll just update you soon? On What's happening? HAHAHAH

Hopefully it's a good thing (STILL HOPING GIRL)

XOXO AHAHAHAHAH

Remember to be beautiful always and always be kind

Lovelots

Kassie Mari

#writers #boyfriend #online #website #datingsite #love #relationship #secret life

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harryhandstan · 2 years

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HI HI HI :D IVE MISSED YOU!!!

i took a break from this app, thats why i was gone for a while! i feel sooo much better cause it’s summer and i dont have to stress about school!!!

so many things happened these past few months like i got tickets to see harry!!! and i FINALLY got my drivers license. i failed the first test but its whatever. i also got a job at a fast food place and it is difficult 😣 but my coworkers and managers are super friendly!!! im also moving out my old place and moving in to a newer and nicer home! which im super excited about cause it feels like a fresh start and i get to decorate it however i want!!

WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT HARRYS HOUSE!! what do u think about the album?? what are your top 3 songs? i think its one of my fave albums of all time and i literally listen to it everyday day

anywayyyy… how are you??? anything new and exciting going on?? i missed you sosososo much!!

-🧸

BESTIE OMG HI 👋🏻 that’s always okay bub!! you’ll always be welcomed back 💕 I’m glad you’re getting a break from school!

oh my goodness SO many exciting things I’m so proud!!! HARRY again what show?? take me with you pleaseeeee 😊 that’s wonderful that everyone at your new job are being so lovely to you it’s what you truly deserve 😁 and the new place that makes my heart so happy for you! good luck with all the decorating that sounds so fun!

I’m OBSESSED with Harry’s House it’s pretty much all I’ve listened to since it came out!! I love every single one so I don’t know that I could ever pick a top 3 but 3 faves are daylight, music for a sushi restaurant, and keep driving. I have to agree I think it’s amazing and I just know it’s gonna get me through so much like the other two albums have!

ahh I’m trying but I haven’t been doing that great 🫤 just a lot going on mentally and I need to find a job and a new living situation but I haven’t had much luck with either! my Nanna’s cancer came back too and she had to have surgery last week so I’ve been worried about her as well 😔 her recovery is going great though, much better than expected!

my birthday was last week and I had a really nice day despite everything going on! my birthday is normally a sad day for me now that I’m getting older, but everyone made me feel so special that day (including complete strangers) and I got so many lovely treats and felt so celebrated 🥹 then this week I’ve been on a lil staycation helping my little sister and her bestie house sit for someone so that’s been fun! I go back home later today I don’t want to 🙁 but it will be good to be home with my dogs and sleep in my own bed again!

I love and miss you so much it’s always wonderful to hear from you! I think of you sometimes and am always wishing you well ✨ thank you for checking in, you lift my spirits so much you don’t even know how much ❤️ please take care of yourself as best you can my love come back anytime!!

#ask me stuff #anon #answered #🧸

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help-i-need-a-cool-username · 4 years

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I had no idea there was a taiqrow week!!! I just found it today (Thursday) so im just gonna throw out a few headcanony/writer's notes stuff

@taiqrowweek

Day 1: First Day at Signal

Background:

So Tai has been working at Signal for years now

Qrow's operations have been slowing down so Tai suggested Qrow stay for a while and help Tai with the girls now that they're older and Tai has to run them 2 different places at once

(Yang is self-sufficient so Tai actually has everything under control, he just misses Qrow)

Yang and Ruby got all excited so he had to say yes, plus he's been promising to teach Ruby scythe lessons for a while now

Maybe he moves in maybe he gets a place nearby so the girls have less chance of stepping on broken glass either way he's bored most of the day so Tai gets him a job at his work

Qrow doesn't want to spend all day in a middle school (plus he never went to one) but Tai's all like "look how well you do with Ruby! I only got you work as a combat teacher so its not like you're teaching history"

The first day:

Qrow is already hungover

Tai and a way to over-enthusiastic Ruby pull him out of bed

Qrow ends up at school having had no breakfast, only 1 coffee, and got in big trouble after being caught taking pills (pain meds) on school grounds

Theyre late by teacher standards but early by students so technically theyre on time

Qrow and Tai work on different ends of the school so Qrow is on his own

During lunch Tai comes by to check on him but thats it

Qrow's met the other teachers and staff a few times at the meetings leading up to school but now hes alone with his fellow combat teachers whos office i assume look like PE teachers offices aka small cramped and 2 per room

Students show up and its that whole first week of school stuff where nothing really happens after the first 20 min but in every class at least a few recognized Qrow or his name and since he's super bored and can only handle so much small talk with his coworkers he agrees to show off a bit

By the third class of the day hes internally like "please ask me to do some moves im so bored" and he gets a bit fancier and he quickly grows to like the attention from a bunch of children (who are better at not swarming him and not getting all up in his personal space unlike most adults)

He... maybe... becomes everyones favorite teacher by the end of the day

He does not realize the implications of this

By the second half of the day Tai starts hearing students talk about how "the great Qrow Branwen is our combat teacher this year!" and "its not fair Mr. Branwen is teaching a combat class the same time as mine but I got Mr. Grace as my teacher instead"

And Tai's expected this because it happened to him for years until he'd been inactive in the field for to long

Also Yang and Ruby aren't allowed in either Tai's or Qrow's classes because of the family policy so he heard the temper tantrum over being in the other gym already

End of the day comes and Qrow comes and finds Tai in his teacher's lounge and Tai's caught off guard for a second because Qrow is smiling and seems happy

Qrow's like "you know I think I could actually like this" and because Tai is a little shit he goes "wait till week three" "what happens at week three?" "thats about the time students try to skip lunch and hang out with their favorite teachers" "is that allowed?" "No but its impossible to control middle schoolers. Get ready to have a bunch of Rubys crash your lunch break day after day. Actually do you know how hard it was to stop Ruby from doing that today?"

Qrow is just over come by this look of "oh no" and Tai is loving every second of it

"I cant handle more than one Ruby" and Tai laughs so hard

Qrow is to distraught to realize he made Tai laugh

"Tai why did you do this to me" "you said you wanted a job and that your only skills were observation and combat. It was this or spying for someone other than Ozpin. Also because this is hilarious"

#hinacu rwby #taiqrowweek2020 #taiqrow #taiyang xiao long #qrow branwen #rwby #signal #teachers

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jackalopefreckles · 3 years

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I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

#TIRED #happy covid anniversary #time to post this without reading it lmao #long post #rambles

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newpersonnality · 4 years

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50 QUESTIONS YOU’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED

Thank you twiny @attheshore for this cute as hell tag <3

tagging: @surrealsunday, @flying-elliska, @plvmour

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? dark grey

2. a food you never eat? anything minty. I tolerate mint in drinks but i cant eat it.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? having dinner with my parents

5. what is your favorite candy bar? Kinder Bueno

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? ‘is Pixie still outside?’ (asking my parents if the cat came back already or not)

8. what is your favorite ice cream? vanilla <3

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? sparkling water

10. do you like your wallet? yes, i’ve had it since i went to Singapore for an exchange program during college, so for 3 years now!

11. what was the last thing you ate? a leek quiche

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope, kinda not the priority at the moment :)

13. the last sporting event you watched? soccer during an apero with friends (is apero an English word? im not even sure lmao)

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? sweet probably? I dont care much for popcorn tbh

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my coworker, I sent him a meme (he’s 50 and im educating him on what a meme is)

16. ever go camping? yes, the last time was for a fest with friends. It was AWFUL and someone stole my sleeping bag at the end of it (still one of my best memories with my best friends though)

17. do you take vitamins? rarely

18. do you go to church every sunday? no

19. do you have a tan? yes!!!! (got a few sunburns before that though...)

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? pizza

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? no

22. what color socks do you usually wear? plain white or black

23. ever drive above the speed limit? i try not to. I drive a company car so if i get a ticket my manager + Human resources are the first to know... great incentive not to drive too fast tbh.

24. what terrifies you? jellyfish

25. look to your left, what do you see? my yellow super comfy sweater and my phone.

26. what chore do you hate? ironing!!!

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? tbh i just hear someone speaking a different Language than me, im not really concerned about their accent?

28. what’s your favorite soda? lemonade

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? go in, but when i go it’s because i need wifi to work between places.

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my parents

31. favorite cut of beef? I dont like beef

32. last song you listened to? Dying in LA - Panic! at the disco

33. last book you read? Captive Prince by CS Pascat

34. favorite day of the week? friday, last day of work, first night out (usually)

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? nopeee

36. do you like your coffee? is the question how do i like my coffee? then, black with half a sugar.

37. favorite pair of shoes? black shoes with silver heels.

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? 10-11 pm

39. at what time do you normally get up? when im working i dont have a regular schedule. A few days a week i have to wake up around 4-5am. If i have a more “normal” day, it’s 6:45am. In holidays and weekends i rarely sleep longer than 8am but i can stay in bed longer.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

41. how many blankets are on your bed? one

42. describe your kitchen plates. white with different shades of purple dots.

43. do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? red wine all the way baby! (but oh the headaches the next day)

44. do you play cards? yes with my friends. Im a Tarot nerd (the game, not the prediction thing)

45. what color is your car? light grey

46. can you change a tire? i think i forgot...

47. what is your favorite province? either a big city like Tokyo or somewhere in Italy.

48. favorite job you’ve ever had? my previous job.

49. how did you get your biggest scar? i have one on my left shoulder, it has faded a lot but basically when i was younger i was playing too close to the iron when my mother was ironing and it kinda fell on my shoulder and burnt me.

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? i went grocery shopping and i bought my mom her favorite biscuits she couldnt find anymore in her usual store.

#tag

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lenjaminmacbuttons · 4 years

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Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.

#talkyllama #hey if anyone needs tags on posts like these please please let me know asap #i always forget that actual people see the things i post #i dont usually trigger tag cus i dont usually think i need to but if i do i will

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animaelynn-blog · 5 years

Text

Rant about work, read at your own risk. (I’d appreciate it though)

I want to log this experience.

First, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I’m a trans girl.

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a job, I’ve been looking for work. I’m a very outgoing person and absolutely love to be around people.

One day me and one of my friends went out looking to help get me a job, i brought resumés, and i personally like to fill out paper job applications so the employer knows I’m not the type of person to fill out things online only to not show up, i like to show my initiative.

So, eventually i make my way through the mall and find a place one of my friends work at. It’s amazing! It’s like a gift shop with all kinds of unique things i have tons of interest in, so obviously i ask if they’re hiring and when they gave me a paper application i filled it out then and there.

So, i wait and make sure to either stop in or call to make sure they know I’m serious about working there. Got a date set up for an interview - Aug 15th.

The day come i show up 20 minutes early and rehearse what I’m going to say because i really really want this job. I casually walk into the store about 5 minutes early and say I’m there for the interview. To which the reply was “Could you come back in about 10 minutes, we just had something come up”

Im all like “yeah, not a problem. I’ll be back then.” I sat down on one of the benches in the mall in my free time and quizzes myself trying to drill everything i need to say in my interview into my head. When time expires i took another deep breath and walk in again. I was thanked for my patience and we headed out of the business to a few seats outside the store. (To me this is odd, shouldn’t the interview be in the back where it’s quiet?) regardless i follow and the interview begins and I’m told the reason we’re outside the store is because they just found out that they’re going to have to move locations within the mall and i know more than most of the people that work there because that’s what the interview delay was about. I was asked if that was a problem and i said “no, not at all as long as you just don’t want me strictly for moving things” i said jokingly.

So, the interview continues and I’m feeling great I’m nailing all these questions and one of the questions was something similar to “am i accepting towards other people” and without missing a beat i said “well, absolutely I’m trans so I’d be quite the hypocrite to look down on others.” Oops, accidentally outer myself i thought. I can kiss this job goodbye.

But, to my surprise i was told most of the staff is LGBT and not to worry and that relieved me greatly and i was told i would get a call back soon (i was impossible to get a timeframe because of the move, understandably.)

So, i continued to check in every week or so until i was told to come in and they’d go over the basics and rules with me and get me familiar with the layout. (I wanna say maybe a week later) So, obviously i show up and everything was explained super hap hazardously because i was told “you won’t need to know most of this since were moving to another location... fair enough)

They had me put ceramic and fragile items in the proper boxes and such and then the next week they did the same after those 2 days i filled out a tax paper and was told about the app they used to communicate with and was added and told the schedule would be posted there.

They have me scheduled for 4 hours one day that was all i figured ok cool I’m new that’s no big deal. I was careful packing things and was praised for not breaking anything accidentally because i was told i would and it happens to everyone.

A month and a half pass and i get called into the new store to help organization and learn the new layout. I was secretly upset so i asked my friend when we got off why they didn’t schedule me at all during the move and i was told that the owner doesn’t like women doing heavy lifting and labor because of a past accident (a bit sexist i thought but it made me happy as i was being referred to by my employer as female, so I’ll take it)

My friend also told me in confidence that she was going to be promoted to manager and not to say anything but she was excited and i was excited for her.

My first day working (basically, since i was never really given proper training still.) THEY HAD ME OPEN BY MYSELF. I was sick to my stomach but there was instructions written down to help so i wasn’t worried and under the instructions on what to do and such it read “if any questions please contact (my friend), Manager 1, or Manager 2. (In that order)

My friend was listed first so naturally i thought that was the progression to go through, plus knowing she was in the process of being promoted i figured it was that way to help her understand how manager varies from regular employee. I followed the instructions to a tee. Found things to clean and stay busy during all of my shifts. I loved when the customers would come in it was very easy for me to establish connections and help sell stuff which was ya know my job. Always with a smile.

I’d come in for shifts and people hired around the same time as i was we’re sitting down doing nothing. I’m not the type of person to just tattle on someone so i try to help them and tell them to do anything to stay busy. To me we’re all like a family and i loved my coworkers.

I picked up on things really fast but i have the habit of repeating what was just said or wanting reiteration so i know what I’m doing is correct and it helps me remember for future reference.

Since, i picked up on things easy I’d have my coworkers asking me things which i just learned (because the computer system changed during the move and they were having trouble adjusting to the new one) and i was glad i could help them. It’s my work family i want what is best for us as a whole.

Now, this is where things start to get weird because this comes the day after the whole Trump wants to erase trans people thing.

I was asked my shirt size as all employees needed to wear them on the weekends and was told mine was lost. A few days before i noticed we had a for hire sign in the window which initially didn’t even catch my eye because i was told someone was in the process of getting let go because they made fun of a coworkers weight and didn’t stop.

Later, we had an abrupt day where everyone was to be at the store for retraining (wasn’t surprised because they really didn’t do it to begin with- this included Manager 1 overseeing Manager 2 while Manager 2 reviewed the normal employees. We went through the basics and i nailed it again, i actually got ahead of the Manager on something and how they were to be done because i was so proud of what I’d learned by myself with basically zero training.

I left there estatic. I nailed it.

I was asked about a minor screw up on my part i was never told about so i wasn’t worried.

I was asked “why i clocked out an 30 mins after close” to which i replied it was my first day closing and i wanted to triple check my math to make sure all the earnings for the day was accounted for.” To which i was told 15 mins after close is the absolute latest and i told my manager that it wouldn’t happen again.

I was also asked about my friend (you know the one that was going to get promoted to manager?) i was asked if i was told she was a manager to which i said no. Because ya know when something is said in confidence it stays there and i wasn’t about to get someone i deeply care about in trouble or fired especially someone who worked there basically since the beginning. I’m not the type of person to ever bring this info to their attention or hold it over their head. I believe good things come to good people.

A few hours later, i got this message through the app we used at work.

“Hi (My Name),

As you know I was in today to review employee status at (The store). After reviewing the status of all team members with (the owner) and (manager 2), it has been decided that we will not be able to continue your employment with (the business) long term. You can continue to work the next week that you're scheduled, and we can schedule you for one more week of work after that. November 10th would be the last possible day. We wanted to give you the courtesy of an advanced notice so that you can make future plans for yourself.”

I sat in my car re-reading this message thinking it had to be sent to the wrong person.

My first, response to this message was vague and thankful for the opportunity type response.

However, after talking to a few of my closest friends i was convinced to inquire more about this to which i was sent this message.

“(My name),

The issues we have been observing include difficulty with approaching customers and difficulty taking instruction and focusing on tasks. As the final decision was made with (the owners) input, it is not reversible.

These were my strengths, the things i was most proud of. I would have understood if it was things i wasn’t great at. But, it wasn’t. Which besides telling me in person was another slap in the face.

It because obvious that they were not basing any of this on any of the days i actually worked but only on a few hours that day. Keep in mind i never worked with anyone longer than one hour and worked alone mostly. At no point until the review day did i ever work with any of my managers since the store opened.

I got fucked over and I’m now currently looking for a job that accepts trans people and a place that actually takes interest in me as an employee and not a number.

Sorry, for this rant. I just wanted to share my frustration.

#trans #trans employment #transgender #trans girl #trans woman #im a person not a number #bad businesses #employee rant #unfair termination

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fuck-customers · 6 years

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Fuck everyone here except like three people

Okay disclaimer: this is gonna be long. I'm so mad I need to vent. So! I work at a 24 hour breakfast place. Except we close on weekdays and 24 weekends. Anyways. I've worked here about two years, I use to work in a different one that was amazing for two years but upon moving I transferred. For the past two years I've given this place my all! I work the shifts no one wants, graveyard or late night depending on the days. I get the most compliments from my guests and get high praise from the owner. It was really great! But recently things have stared to fuck up. So to start, Every weekend before morning shift comes in I make sure to stock cups! I fill our cup area to the max because I know that weekends are super busy (plus it looks nice and organized.) I don't want my co-workers to run out of To-go cups while they're in a rush and I want to make sure they won't have to worry about restocking them at the end of the day. I've been doing that since I got here and no one has ever complained. Until today! I was informed upon coming to work that if I stock the cups up I'd be written up! I was shocked! The cups are used A LOT and if I don't stock them they'll run out. (Togo cups are used by college students more often than anyone and we live in a town with a big collage) Fine. Whatever. I won't stock the cups. I was trying to help but for whatever reason I'm making it "harder" on everyone??? How??? Legit my coworker agreed.it was bullshit! I'm the only person who stocks the to-go cups! He's even admitted that! Another thing I do is I make sure everything is prepped for the next server for morning! I get Oj, apple juice and refill all the condiments and sauces. I fill all the ice bins as well, clean off tables, milkshake machine and wash the iced coffee pitcher/make new iced coffee (I refuse to serve my guests old iced coffee!! Gross!! ), I roll all the silverware and fill our hot cocoa machine. I do a lot more too, just whatever needs to get done! Every weekend morning I have the same lady come in to take over my shift. I always make sure her area is prepped and ready to go! I do it the same way every week since she's never ever complained to me about it. That way she doesn't have to stress and can just take care of the guest! Ialways would get excited for her to come in so I could show her pictures of my animals too before leaving for the night. I found out tonight that she talks major shit about me. She apparently never has anything good to say she just finds whatever to bitch about. She tells people I'll out "too much ice" in her bins or I don't "leave enough mugs" for her. Then she'll pick apart how I look or sound. Like!!!? Why?! I've never done anything too you??? Okay! Not doing that shit for you anymore, bitch. Another fun thing! We sell hot cocoa and sell it a lot. For about 3 dollars usd you're suppose to get a 16 oz mug of cocoa. It says so in the handbook and on the 'how to make' wall we have. But my coworkers all give people hot cocoa in these dinky little 8 oz mug that's for kids hot chocolate. They charge them the 3 dollars too! The kids hot cocoa is 1.50!! They charge them double for a kids hot cocoa!! Well today I got informed if I don't start giving my guests the small mugs of cocoa I was being written up! And when i said we were scamming our guests I got told that the owner makes the rules and not corporate or w/e So fucking great! Now I have to swindle money out of my guests because this place is cheap! That's not all either. Guess what mother fucking else I found out TONIGHT! So like-- 9 months ago I got top surgery. I was so happy! But my work doesn't pay you for medical stuff if they don't have proof that you're not just ditching which I totally understand! Now I pass 100% of the time give or take people who hear my voice in the phone. I've never had to tell anyone I work with that I'm transgender. It's never been talked about to ANYONE! But when I had my surgery I had to out myself to my manager, owner and comanager and show them my doctor and therapist note. My manager at the time was a God sent and she and the owner we're so so sweet about it (she quit sadly) but the comanager-- not so much. She wasn't mean (to my face) but the second she found out apparently she took it upon herself to tell EVERYONE that I was "once female". And you know what? I normally work alone so I had no idea. But tonight my coworker informed me that it was often the talk of the morning crew and everyone knows and they fucking gossip about it. Whenever a new person gets hired and ask about night shift they're told without hesitation. So now everyone is fully aware I'm trans even these people I've never even met. My hesrt is so broken. Being trans isn't bad and I'm very opened about it but work is some place I don't discuss it. Idk who anyone is or how they're gonna react. The sad part is I can't even tell coorporate because I don't have "solid" proof. Rip. So tonight's been awful. I've legit done nothing I normally due tonight after all this! My guests and my job mean the world to me. Yes some of them do suck but in the end making people happy is what's important too me, and this job is just until my career kicks off but I still want to make sure people have the best time when they walk through the doors. That's what I would want so I give them my all when I can. I also love working for this company. It's just this fucked up place!! Im just at my wit's end right now. Nothing is clean, I didn't stock anything, and if my co-workers late (like she always is) I'm going to leave ON TIME and not give a shit if I get in trouble because I'm so done! I go above and beyond what I'm suppose to do, I work alone, I don't get breaks, I even buy things for my guests! (Party hats/candles for when they have birthdays, stickers for kids, etc) I just don't understand why these people are doing this. I hardly talk to anyone but my new manager who's probably one of the few good people in this place. Idk man, I leave here in half an hour and I'm calling out tomorrow. I can't be my best after this and my guests deserve the best but these people don't. Fuck them. Tltr: I'm being threatened with write ups for bullshit reasons because people are petty, I've been outted as trans and it's always the talk of the morning crew, people talk shit about me, all I do is try to make work easier for morning and afternoon shift and they hate me for zero actual reason and I'm calling out tomorrow because fuck them! I love my guests! I hate my coworkers.

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indigo474 · 2 years

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2-12-22

i enjoyed work yesterday. the weather was warm so nice relaxed vibe in the office- i kind of made a small stink over the hybrid thing. i talked to my 2 co-workers who agreed they wanted hybrid too. i became the leader in the cause. i asked i asked again and 1 more time. was told various stories- meetings- thinking about it- my Manager got weird with me. The ice queen came up to me late friday- so how do you like being back in the office. In my head i was saying oh its great- i opened my mouth and said im glad to be back, i enjoyed working from home more than i thought i would and would like to work a hybrid schedule. i said 2 days at home and weekends. She told me to tell my Super what days and she was fine with it. I mean the 1 girl on our team is full time at home so i dont see how they can really say no. i looked at Linda and she has a huge smile on her face. ill be working Fri and Monday from home plus any weekend OT! Today i got put on a special project. It felt good to ask for what i wanted and it felt good to get what i wanted. I enjoy driving to the office - every day i tell myself i am going to be good driving to work. im going to do the speed limit and just fall in line and not pass anyone. its hard. I like my commute and that was the one thing i really missed working from home. Most days i have fun driving to work. i just like driving and music and i get both 2 and from work - and hey you have to find happiness where you can get it-i get to see the sun rise and the sun set. Anyway-i read that there are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand. How can that be true?

things feel good. im really tuning into energy- what feels good. ive been cooking myself healthy food.Im off coffee- im sleeping enough. im totally cutoff from the world- i know the super bowl is tomorrow but i have no idea who is playing in it. i see somethings on instagram. i was actually thinking how i was looking forward to vacation so i can watch tv. it was fun to have a tv for a few days and once we turned it on we did not turn it off. i use to love politics. i want to start incorporating exercise into my life. i am afraid its going to make me hungry. rightnow i am still doing omad. i did a longer fast this week and felt really good 48 hours. i know the minute i start to exercise i'm going to get hungry which is fine if im at home but if im at work its not good- unless i bring my own food which would probably be the right thing to do- i just thought if it now. HA. i might have a gym buddy. not sure yet. i need someone to show me how to lift weights. i feel like i need someone- im going out with my coworkers on the 16th a full moon. i actually said to myself this week -YOu look cute. i did! I have off tomorrow and i am grateful. i try to stay away from the thought that i need to be working all the time. its easy to fall into the trap of thinking im not working enough. i enjoyed my Jan paychecks. i have to plan a vacation. im not sure what to do..Beach of course. Not sure what other adventure . Mads tolerated our hiking adventure. I don't know if i should plan something by myself? I just do not know. Speaking of Mads- she got mad at me for not eating her brownies. She made a special from scratch layered brownie- went out and got what she needed. im sorry im not eating sugar. i also cutout artificial which i didnt know raised blood sugar. she was made at me and took offense. it smelled dam good- this was the 2nd time this week she made brownies- the first time was a box- i didnt eat any of that either- she ate the whole thing. im tired. things are good. im happy. one other things i wanted to write about. my dentist exp. he gave me 16 painkillers. i was glad he gave them to me because i did need them. about 4 of them. when i saw him the next day he asked if i was in pain in and i wasnt he told me to stop taking them and take motrin. i was already taking mortin.i didnt stop taking the pills and enjoyed getting high for a few days. i was glad when i took the last one.

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nofxs2gv · 3 years

Text

09.09.21 5:11 pm

Today was my second day back to work after being gone for 2 straight weeks and before that at least a half day out every week in the beginning of August.

Not many people in my row this week but 3 of my coworkers made me cry today, one from my old unit.

The guy who sits one cube down from me brought me a big ass Frappuccino this morning, surprised the hell out of me…I had no idea that was coming. He was telling me yesterday how he was worried because it’s kinda rare that I’m not there and he felt like he wanted to reach out but doesn’t have my number. I mean, I don’t go handing it out to just anybody soo…yeah…but that’s so thoughtful.

My neighbor right in front of me, she was so sweet, she said she was so happy and relieved to see me. She gave me a box of chocolates and a card with a handwritten message inside🥺.

I heard the guy turn, he sits in front of her, and jokingly tell her “HEY. Don’t talk to my friend 😆” and then he IM’s me saying “see, we care”

Then out of nowhere, my friend from my old team walks by and leaves the sweetest note on my desk, she didn’t really stop to talk because she was in a hurry to get back to her desk which is in the next building. I check on her often but I haven’t had the chance to go see her in a few months because work is busy and I don’t like to be late or rush around. I stopped smoking April of last year so i don’t meet her for smoke breaks anymore and she’s trying to quit now so that’s good.

There was also a very nice surprise on the way home. Never expected that either. Funny how the Universe makes shit happen, it’s definitely up to us to go with the opportunity presented or fall back and decide not to get involved. I’m so grateful🥺 Had to hold my tears back right there.

I don’t talk much to my coworkers, or anyone really for that matter, but if they feel like they want to talk to me I do engage for the most part, pretty much just listening, and I have brought in food and things for them just because: Friday or whatever and on Mother’s/Father’s day and Christmas and Birthdays so it’s not like I’m a rude bitch, I’m just reserved and shy…I stay out of the way as much as possible.

I just don’t expect anyone to notice me or care. I’m not looking for it and when I do for / give to anyone it’s because I’m moved to do it, not for anything in return.

I’ve not had nice people surrounding me for a lot of my life so it’s emotional for me when someone is nice to me, even tho I know that’s kind of a basic gesture and maybe not always as genuine as someone who is kind, I don’t take it for granted either way. It’s a big deal to me if someone goes out of their way to accommodate, include or consider me. And sometimes it’s hard to accept. Well, all the time it’s hard to accept. But I’m learning to swallow it and instead of just feeling the gratitude on the inside but not feeling that it’s ok to show it on the outside, I have been trying to do both for the last 5 years. But no one needs to see me cry so that’s kept to myself.

I’ve been telling myself and trying to practice for the past few months “Expect everything and nothing…” anyone is entitled to; change their minds, forget me, move on, move away, come close, be nice, be mean, give or receive or whatever the case may be and it’s best to not be caught off guard either way and react emotionally, it’s more conducive to respond with grace. Especially with my terrible anxiety I have to learn to anticipate the unexpected but not want for anything in that way…expect it all and not at all because anything can and will happen at any given moment…or not. This life is full of twists and turns and life itself is extremely hard sometimes.

I’m just trying to be authentic, the me I’ve always been inside 100% of the time, I’ve had her tucked away safe from the environment I was in, but instead this transition just kind of ebbs and flows because I sometimes get my feelings hurt (because I stay in my head and over think everything, no one is going out of their way hurting my feelings for the most part…there have been a few assholes tho). I go thru ups and downs just like anyone else and I am just used to being shut down because of where I’ve been. Especially with knowing I’m not getting any younger and I’ve literally been alone and kept myself away from any kind of possible situation for 5 years now, I get anxious about it often but maybe I’m supposed to be alone? Or maybe I’m supposed to wait a little longer?..I don’t know but I do know what is meant for me will flow freely to me or send for me to come, it will take time and happen when and if it’s supposed to and it will always be for me…I won’t need to beg or ask repeatedly or chase or any of the other bullshit I went thru for so many years before. My person will want my authenticity no matter how different I am. Even tho I’ve kept myself away from even the idea of getting involved, one person was able unlock and crack open the door ever so slightly…shining their light into the basement I been hiding in after about 4 years. They had to leave tho but they still have the keys.

I’ve not spoken / text much to anyone for about two months and I’ve not posted much anywhere in about a month or so. I’ve just felt I need to be alone and quiet and I felt it coming, the blinds were lowering little by little for a few months before I went dark. I have become so accustomed to isolation throughout my life in various capacities, tho in this phase of my life it is definitely a positive. This wouldn’t be the first I’ve taken a time out but I think this might be the longest one initiated by me and not under circumstances where someone else is controlling me and my life.

Quarantine last year was literally the best for me (I know it was extremely terrible for others…like deadly) I was already about that life but some of what’s come of it since is very beneficial to socially selective and anxiety ridden people like myself. Grocery pick up / deliveries, less people outside, social distancing, I’m still meh about masks but I’d rather wear it than not and I do even tho it’s hot and not super easy for me to breathe all the time mostly because I don’t wear the disposable kind…I also don’t go anywhere sooo and I don’t have to wear it while walking and talking all day like I know some of us do, there’s more art and value for it, and just so many other things. Of course lots of people showed their asses (Karen’s) too and all kind of other bullshit so there’s good and bad in it as is in everything. Yin Yang.

Without the bad we cannot appreciate the good. My life has never been smooth sailing…ever, like since the birth of baby me. I’ve had so much bad in my life, but not as bad as some and I know my life could have ended up worse…or just…ended. The good sometimes overwhelms me but in a good way…it also doesn’t help that I’m just a naturally passionate and sensitive person and I seem to feel everything a bit deeper than most people. That’s hard for a lot of people to understand. But also…

I am under no obligation to make sense to anyone, and neither are you💜

Damn. A lot happened today.

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one-giant-mistake · 3 years

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What’s up peeps! It’s been a while...so time for a super long update! Since I last posted I got all the way down to 118 pounds!! I was so excited and thrilled because I was so close to my ugw. But my ex that I talked about... yea we did friends with benefits for a little bit but I started catching feelings again so I ended it. Of course I gained a few pounds after that and got to 121 which wasn’t bad but I wasn’t happy about it. But then one of my other coworkers and I really started clicking. I know you’re probably thinking what the hell your ex is a coworker and now your talking to another one?! But to be fair me and this other coworker have been friends the entire time I was in that relationship. But long story short we are dating now and today was actually our two month anniversary! But he has shown me how a guy is actually supposed to treat me and talk to me and I’ve never been happier:) but he also loves to cook so I gained a few more pounds because of that. I maintained 123 for a few weeks until he convinced me to stop vaping. He had been trying to get me to quit for a while and I finally did. And then about a week or 2 later I started birth control. Not only did I start gaining weight when I stopped vaping I also have been gaining weight from the birth control. I’m back up to 132 and I feel absolutely disgusting. I mean my boobs have gotten bigger which is something I’ve always wanted but I don’t want to keep gaining weight. It’s honestly getting to the point where I just want to start vaping again so that I can lose weight. And it doesn’t help that in a little more than a month Im going on vacation down to the keys. I’m so overwhelmed idk what to do. On the one hand I want to just start vaping again until I get down to my ugw and I’ve been on birth control for a little while so that my body has lost all this fucking water weight. But I know that if I start vaping again my boyfriend would be so upset and disappointed with me. I could try to hide it from him but I would feel so guilty and he would find out and be hurt even more. I told him when I quit that the reason I’ve been afraid to quit is because I don’t want to gain weight and his response was ‘just go running everyday.’ I know he is right but still I’m freaking out. I was going to the gym pretty frequently but this last week and a half I haven’t gone because I’ve either been to busy or lazy or have not felt good. I did do some reading that the weight you gain on birth control is water weight and that after a month or two it’ll go away. I also read that staying super hydrated helps reduce water weight so I’ve been drinking a lot of water lately but then it makes me feel bloated and I question why I’m doing it. I just wish I could go back to my thoughts and habits when I was down to 118 just minus the vaping. But tbh the vaping was the main reason I was able to get that low. I’m just disappointed and disgusted with myself. When we first started dating my stomach was pretty flat and he once even said he could see my abs coming through but now I’m too self conscious to even take my shirt off because my stomach sticks out so much and I have a bad muffin top going. I just need to kick myself in the ass and go to the gym everyday, count my calories, and look at thinspo whenever I feel like eating more than I should.

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thelifeofthisbe · 3 years

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Today in class we had a guest speaker and lowkey guest speakers usually suck, but this one was actually superrr interesting. A woman called Dr. Lysistrata (no h8 but kinda a weird name lmao) came to talk to my english class and bruhhh she was such a SAVAGE. Ok so first she is just absolutely drop dead gorgeous. Like usually guest speakers come in and try to look super professional and modest, but she came in wearing this casual summer dress and a full face of makeup. She held herself so high and had so much confidence in her skin and clearly doesn’t give a damn about stupid societal expectations and ah she just had such a powerful ora this is legit what i strive to be like when i’m like 40 or whatever lmao. So anyways, she’s introducing herself and suddenly she stops mid sentence and looks right at Sander Brennon and says “sorry young man, i think my breasts may be staring at your eyes, my apologies!”. LIKE DAMN GURL OKAY CALLING IT LIKE IT IS. Sander was so red haha, serves him right he’s always so disgusting the way he sexualizes everything with two legs and breasts. 11/10 absolute highlight of my day.

Anyways, so her lecture was on unity and empowerment and basically just standing up for what you believe in. and yeah i know this sounds like every other hour lecture that you just gotta suffer through, but her story was actually so interesting i was sh00k. She told us her story of how she was feeling pushed to the sidelines by her husband. I guess he was having some trouble with his coworkers and he always took his anger out on her (not like in a physical way or anything, just like being in a bad mood) and she would try to give him advice but he always ignored her and shut her down- classic white men ugh. And so she said that for a while she tried to just get over but it just got worse and worse as the months went on and she felt like her world was just crashing down around her. So she realized she had a decision to make- either live like this in misery and hope that it just stops, or take action and take control of her life. And damn did she take control of her life. Like the absolute savage she is, she stormed into her husband's work, took the master key from his desk, walked right into their bi-weekly meeting, locked the door, and demanded that they work things out right then and there. We all laughed- because i mean it sounds CRAZY- and she just looked at us and said “it seems like an absurd story, but sometimes men just need a little ~feminine persuasion~ to work things out” LMAO! What an absolute icon.

So yeah, she was basically emphasizing to not let the society or the people around you tear you down. And like if you feel that something is wrong or out of place in your life or that you're being treated like less than you're worth, don’t just sit around and watch the world come crashing down around you. Take a stand and bring unity and peace to yourself and the people that you love. Don't take shit from anyone that does you harm. And this really stuck with me. I’ve been wanting for SO long now to just go out and stand up for myself and take control of my love life. I mean, why should i let my mom’s petty feud prevent me from being happy?? Pyramus and i have a right to love each other, we should take a stand for our love and try to bring peace and unity between our families- just like Lysistrata did. But idk tho… is it too risky?? And idk how pyramus would feel about this. Maybe it’s moving too fast or maybe he’ll think im pushing him? But also it’s been 8 years!!! Idk maybe i’ll bring it up to him tonight…. But also maybe not lol. Ugh i really really want to but im so nervous, what if this all backfires and i lose everything??? Idkkkkkk we’ll seee, i’ll keep y’all updated.

tl;dr : we had a guest speaker today and she gave a lecture about how she took control of her life and brought unity to the people that she cares about… and now im considering taking action to bring unity to mine and pyramus’ families but idk yet if i’ll do it

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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April 1st-April 7th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 1st, 2019 to April 7th, 2019. The chat focused on Stomp! by Brodnork.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Stomp! by Brodnork~! (http://stompwebcomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until April 7th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you believe is in the box Silvergammel gives Stomp at the beginning of the story? Do you believe the box will open soon, or will it still be a while? What do you think will happen when it does open?

Brodnork

Hi! I was just caught up in setting up my April Fools gag on twitter that I completely forgot this was happening today

RebelVampire

ironically yours is the gag that reminded me of the date cause i super had to double check i was tagging the right account on twitter cause i was so confused XD

Brodnork

Haha thats fair

It's actually a super convenient time for this sort of discussion, seeing as a chapter just ended and it's on a small hiatus for a bit.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. How do you think Tandrad and Inkcrest are doing? What do you think happened in regards to the Hooligrin paying a visit to Tandrad ominously? What role might Tandrad have to play in the story?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene this time i think is when they go to the moon and defeat the queen. i enjoy the humor that shes just so flat out fed up with them no amount of revenge is worth it. i just also love the simple aesthetic changes as well cause despite being simple, they really convey that feeling of alienness. 2) i mean the devil's advocate is the obvious choice. maybe its not tho. maybe its the deus ex machina that will save the die. like baby pictures of the hooligrin that can be used as blackmail. i feel itll still be a while before it comes into play, and i feel too stomp himself probably forgot about it. as for what will happen when it opens, probably some sort of epic fight whether related to the box or not. i also feel like silvergammel might not even know for sure whats in the box despite thinking stomp would like it.

3) Still Clomp because he's the cool one who has a dorky hat and sunglasses and i just like his overall joking sort of laid back attitude about everything. but mostly, hes the cool one. 4) Tandrad and Inkcrest are probably fine, but the theme park owners? probably not so much. Mostly becuase the Hooligrin can only be a bad influence on tandrad and probably said, "im your friend and i say you should murder them." but i think tandrad is gonna appear as an antagonist again next alongside the hooligrin and stomp will have to convince tandrad theyre still friends. then tandrad will betray hooligrin and hooligrin will curse them all while going for plan c.

Brodnork

Ooh, i like those theories about the box

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What aspect of the world-building have you liked the most? What future role do you believe the aliens might have to play? Further, do you think Comp will learn to control his psychic powers?

RebelVampire

5) im a huge fan of this more recent page, especially the last panel http://stompwebcomic.com/comic/214. i just adore the lighting effects on this page between the red and the glow. and i love the details on how the sword emerges with all the kind of partical spray. it definitely feels like a magical sword and like something truly amazing is happening. 6) ive really enjoyed in general just the world history. like the pirates, the hiss clickers, the alien war. i really love how this stuff is informing present day events while not being completely about it either. it makes the world feel super fleshed out without overriding whats going on. as for the aliens, im not sure theyll be coming back unless hooligrin makes even more "friends." but i do think comp is gonna pick up those psychic powers. just in the greatest time of need. hell show everyone how he can bend a spoon just like in the matrix.

Brodnork

Thanks, Im actually pretty proud of that panel but I was worried it wouldn't have the impact I wanted

ShaRose49

This is really cute so far! It feels pretty slice-of-life-y

Brodnork

Thanks! I guess it sort of is slice of life, seeing as Stomp's life kinda involves going on adventures regularly

TypewriterMark

Rey first thought is this an enormous amount of work and that should always be celebrated

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What do you think the Devil’s Advocate is? Who is the Hooligrin’s boss and why do they want it? Do you think Hooligrin does know where it is? How will this storyline continue to affect Stomp and company?

ShaRose49

Stomp and the Uncle

Omgosh they are hilarious

My fav scene was the part with the rotten eggnog and he keeps saying random things like I do when I’m tired

ShaRose49

“You’ll never take me alive.”

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Of the adventures Stomp has been on so far, which one is your favorite? What did you like about it specifically? Also, which adventure played out in a way you didn’t expect?

RebelVampire

7) the characters i probably enjoy seeing interact most are stomp and chomp. they really have such opposite attitudes about adventure, life, and the amount of safety precautions each will take. and i enjoy seeing that contrast be played around with and how inevitably, stomp is usually dragging chomp on adventures to. 8) the devil's advocate is clearly a device that just points out all the flaws in your argument. hooligrin's boss wants to use it to become the best politician in the world by weeding out all their bad arguments and understanding their political opponents better. but more seriously, probably something to summon a demon. and ya know blah blah get all that demon power to rule the world. i think hooligrin thinks he knows where it is, but i def dont think what he thinks is the correct location. and inevitably hooligrin is gonna have to go back to plan a cause stomp is the only good lead

RebelVampireLast Friday at 8:19 AM

9) i love how consistently the world design generally is. like the tree designs consistently look the same, the hiss clickers, and just like the fuzzy quality to all the creatures makes them all feel like they belong in the world. it really helps make the world feel like a cohesive and unique place all its own where characters are actually living. 10) I liked the moon adventure the most i think. I like how the shopping cart was used, how one of the main characters was tied in, and i just generally liked how the queen was defeated. cause it was sad and hilarious. as for adventures that played out in a way i didnt expect, thatd definitely be the treasure hunt one. mostly cause i thought theyd at least find something worthwhile. instead it was just danger and more danger. and yet, they were still happy cause yaay exciting adventures. plus, ya know, a flying shopping cart.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think Cigast was up to in the mine in regards to collecting all the crystals? How do Cigast and Silvergammel supposedly know each other? What consequences will there be for Stomp failing to stop Cigast?

RebelVampire

11) i think the comic's strength is its world-building and how it ties the world into the story. as i mentioned in an earlier question, i just really enjoy how the story makes the world feel like an actual place where characters are living. i also feel theres really a good balance in how the world is presented, as there are tons of relateable things and parodies that help connect you to the world. but even so, they are able to remain unique. but generally, theres just a lot of character to the world that feels as much a part of how the story unfolds as the rest of the story elements. 12) honestly i kind of think cigast is working with hooligrin in some manner. like not directly persay, but maybe a coworker or hooligrin's black market magic dealer. so i think stomp's failure is gonna spell trouble for stomp later in the next confrontation with hooligrin. cause if i go with my theory on cigast, then cigast is probably giving stuff to hooligrin to use. as for how cigast and silvergammel know each other, maybe they were buddies in college but then cigast went down the dark path and silvergammel didnt want to be buddies anymore and it was very sad.

Brodnork

Thanks for your comments about the world!!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you believe Silvergammel will actually tell Stomp his stories are fake? How might this affect Stomp? Do you believe Stomp should continue adventuring anyway despite the danger? Should everyone let him?

RebelVampire

13) im looking forward to just seeing their adventures in general. i really like learning about the world they live in. but im also looking forward to stomp overcoming people's beliefs he cant go on real adventures. 14) i feel like maybe hell go for an inbetween. like say "well some of the stories arent real." mostly cause silvergammel already putting it off, so i dont trust him to for real tell stomp. but i feel this could go one of two ways. stomp will go on a big huge adventure to prove everyone wrong, or stomp will get depressed and go on a reluctant adventure. but in the long run, yeah, i think stomp will continue adventuring. not that he shouldnt be dissuaded, but stubborn is as stubborn does

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Stomp! this week! Please also give a special thank you to Brodnork for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Stomp!, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://stompwebcomic.com/

Brodnork’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Brodnork

Brodnork’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A561YF0

Brodnork’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Brodnork

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #stomp!#stomp #brodnork

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she-rules-her-own-world · 5 years

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Stuff I want to tell you

Idk when I will post this. So I'm gonna start labeling days. Idk if you will read this. But it's gonna be stuff that I was excited to learn.

5/31/19 (day 1)

I bought two cords today. An vga to HDMI and a VGA to display port. And the display port one works! I can plug my surface into the old af monitor!!! It worked, it was awesome!!! I was so excited to tell you that I have a cord for our surfaces to connect to old electronic stuff. :). However the VGA to HDMI cord didn't work for the switch. I'm not sure why but it wasn't. And it didn't work for my mom's computer. So that sucks :/ but whatever I will return the HDMI cord. Lol I also learned that you can't plug a VGA to HDMI converter into a computer that has a VGA port... Lmao. It shuts the computer down. It didn't shut down just mine. It shut down my dad's too.

I don't work till the evening tomorrow. But I get to go in in the morning and take photos. :). I'm excited. Lol. I get more hours at work.

I bought wine today. Arbor mist sangria and Merlot. The blackberry Merlot was really good.

My dad made me a Paracord strap for my camera. So I don't have to wrap the one around my wrist. It looks like a bracelet but it connects to the camera!! It took a lot of fanagaling to get it to work lol. But dad and I are both problem solvers so it worked out in the end!! It almost didn't.

6/1/19 day 2

I woke up yesterday at 5 not being able to breath. Like a tight chest. And it sucked. I'm having it a little bit again today. I was told that it's probably anxiety and that doesn't surprise me. I'm stressed about moving out there. Taylor said I shouldn't worry about it. However she told me that if we break up that I shouldn't move out there. I don't really have that option.

I still think that you would rather be with her than me. So I'm not looking at a very bright outcome. Woo. :(

It was ridiculously slow at work today... they told me not to come in, but if i really wanted the hours they would have found something for me to do (aka dusting... something that i shouldnt do because i like breathing) so i didnt go into work.

I started reading the man who only loved numbers. I really liked one quote from it because i thought it definitely was you.When asked how Graham had so much time for what he did he replied “There are a hundred and sixty eight hours in every week.” i like graham. I also really like Erdős lol

i dont know what to do with my time. idk who to talk to. I feel bad for messaging taylor with little stuff that i found funny ( “ When did the misfortune of birth overtake you?”) idk about being nerdy with you because you appreciate it. anybody else i feel like im bugging them... :/

I still cant post this... it would be breaching no contact... because technically it would be contact... I guess we should have clarified that... I want to post it. I want you to read it. but idk if either of those will happen before the 30th... maybe i will post it on my birthday... it will be my way of contacting you. I want to talk to you then... but idk if thats a good idea... I told taylor about me worrying about you getting back with her, and she was like i dont think that she will accept him back if he wanted to... but who knows.

I was gonna read time travelers wife and then decided that probably wouldn't be a good idea in my given situation.

I guess I should also say that I haven't been wearing the rings since Wednesday? Yeah. The first day of so called break.

Its been weird not wearing them... :/

If we come back together. I think we should start a new. But idk if that can really happen. Once I'm comfortable with somebody the only way I become uncomfortable around them is through a terrible break up. Which I'm still scared is going to happen. I'm scared you are going to go back to her. At the same time I'm scared I'm almost sure of it that you will. I'm mind washing myself so if you choose anything different i will be overjoyed. But if you choose that path i won't be devastated but understanding and probably still super sad. :(

6/2/19 (day 3)

Everytime I come on here. I hope you posted. I don't know what I want. Lol. I don't want to see you post but at the same time I do. I want to know what's going on in your mind.

Also every time i come on here I think fuck it. I will post it today. And thats been the past three days. I think I will post it on my birthday. But that is still 3 days away. I want to talk to you that day. But idk if I should... :/

We went to Midland today. I bought a beanie boo that I didn't know what it was gonna be. It was a little statuette. I was hoping for the panda. I got a monkey instead and he is adorable af. Lol.

6/3/19 day 4

I went to work today. It sucked. So many phone calls. I got to take a break and talk to Taylor for a little bit though. I love her so much.

She was telling me that her and Craig are going through a rough patch too. But they are gonna take it slower. But she doesn't know what that means and she is freaking out. Lol. But I think they are gonna be fine. I feel so bad for her. Mostly because idk how to help her.

She told me that you are doing better. But that was it. Lol she said you were vague. Which doesn't surprise me. Because you know she is gonna talk to me. It kinda worries me that you are doing better. It worries me because it makes me think that you want to go back to her. Which may not actually be the case. I told one of my coworkers part of this story and they were like she probably isn't going to want him back.. and then you would come to me and I would be second choice again. So if that were to happen. Don't tell me. I don't want to be with you if you would rather be with her. That isn't fair to me. I want you to be happy. And I know you would be happy with either of us. I keep pushing you to her. Idk what that means for me. I'm not sacrificing my own happiness for your. I'm sure I will find somebody else. But it won't be the same. Taylor jokingly said we should get together.(like Taylor and I) And I agreed lol. We are better together.

I regret how this turned out. I'm not regretting the whole thing. But the presense of me ruined a relationship. I regret that. You were happy. I regret the stepping Stones that led to this disaster. I like this disaster. But I don't think it should have happened the way it did. And that's what i regret.

6/4/19 day 5

I'm gonna post this today. Will you read it? Idk. I would hope so. But I know in posting this it will affect you in some way. I want you to know what's going on in my head during this break lol.

I made my birthday cake today. It's a summer sangria cake. I think it turned out fairly well lol.

I'm so tired and I hate it. Idk why. I'm always sleeping. I think it's because I'm bored. I colored the other day. I know you saw this. Lol. Because you liked the post. I wasn't sure that liking posts on instagram was no contact. Taylor agreed with me that it is contact. But we never really had any terms for no contact. Just for the break. Did she tell you that her and Craig are basically going through the same thing. It's crazy. But they are still talking. They are taking it slower. They don't think they love each other. (Taylor does but she isn't going to tell him). They think they rushed their relationship... Idk.

I dislike being at home. I miss the city. I miss being busy and being able to walk places... Soon enough I will be.

I don't remember if I told you but I haven't told my parents/sister in fear they are gonna talk me out of moving there... I think I told you that...

#day one #day two #day three #day four #i hate this #i miss you #im trying #i love you so much #day five

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