#and that i got an internship for professional experience and not bc i needed it to take the place of a class i failed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baepsaesbae · 3 years

Text

None of Your Business

Pairing— Jung Hoseok x reader

Genre— SMUT, enemies to lovers au, business/professional life au, slight angst, slight fluff, mutual pining bc im a slut for that

Warnings— inappropriate workplace behavior, explicit unprotected sex, face sitting, slight biting, one (1) butt slap, dirty talk, swearing, switch!Hoseok, Hoseok being a god damn nuisance, (also I’m not a business person so if you are and I state inaccurate/dumb things I apologize in advance)

Word Count— 8.9k

Summary— You have a shot at attaining a huge promotion at your company. The only problem standing in your way is the same one that annoyed you in college. Jung Hoseok. How will you manage to spend an entire weekend at a conference juggling impressing your supervisors while simultaneously battling Hoseok?

A/N— This super cool banner was made by the one and only @kimtaehyunq, thank you so much! Please let me know what you guys think. Feel free to leave a comment or send an ask!

The business world has always been mercilessly cutthroat; that’s one of the first things business students learn when they enter college. The competition to get an internship at a top company was fierce. Recruiting has to start at least a year in advance if you even want to give yourself a chance.

Luckily for you, you were the top student in your program. Well, one of the top students. Over the past four years, your position had been flip flopping with some surprisingly competent bonehead who annoyingly plagued your life.

“Excited to be graduating this semester, ___?” an all too familiar voice interrupted your studying.

“Excited to graduate as top of the class? Yes, of course,” you replied coldly.

“Top of the class? That’s a little presumptuous, don’t you think?” the handsome boy sat on your table.

“I think it’ll be pretty much set in stone after this last final,” you returned your attention to your notes.

“Well, even if you’re number one, I think experience matters a lot in this field,” the boy refused to leave you alone.

“Then it’s a good thing I did an internship with one of the top companies over the summer,” you glared at him.

“Oh yeah, how could I forget about the internship that you stole from me?” the boy pouted.

“I was obviously more qualified. And how could you say that when you stole my opportunity to go on a study abroad trip with my favorite professor last Spring Break? I’m still furious that he chose you over me solely because you were sleeping with his daughter,” you retorted.

“That was a coincidence! I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that,” he tried to defend himself.

“Whatever. Do me a favor and leave me alone, Hoseok. Hopefully today will be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

“That’s kind of sad to think about. Who else will get under my skin and annoy me every time they open their mouth?” Hoseok bantered, “Also, I told you to call me Hobi.”

“That would imply that we’re on friendly terms. I don’t like lying, Hoseok.”

“Fine. Good luck on that last final. See you around,” Hoseok hopped off the table and patted your head.

“Don’t touch me,” you grumbled as he walked away.

That was five years ago.

The company that you interned with gave you a job offer immediately after graduation. Quickly moving up through the ranks proved to be an easy feat since your tenacious nature made you the ideal employee.

You were currently waiting outside of the CEO’s office. Seconds felt like hours as you mindlessly bounced your leg. It was eerily silent, and all you could hear were the click clacks of the receptionist’s keyboard as she worked. You looked around at the bleak décor that was a sorry excuse for modernism as you racked your brain. Were you in trouble? Did something happen? You were summoned up for a meeting but had no clue what it was going to be about.

Once you were finally called in, you were greeted by both the CEO and VP of the company.

“___, please take a seat,” the CEO politely smiled, “As you know, I am getting old. I am unmarried, so therefore I have no one to oversee the company after I’m gone. The executive council and I have been looking for people to fill my shoes. Or at the very least, take a seat on the executive council if one of them were to take my place.”

“Your numbers have been exceptional this month,” the VP chimed in, “And every month prior. After much deliberation, your name has been cast into the lot.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Being a member of the executive council at your age was almost unheard of.

“There is one other candidate that has also been hand selected at the other branch. You both are to attend a conference in which you will mingle with executives from other companies. There will also be a time in which you will pitch an idea to me on how to make this company better,” the CEO continued when he saw your loss for words.

“First and foremost I would like to thank you for this opportunity. I will do my best to live up to your expectations,” you bowed to show your gratitude.

“Perfect. The conference is in two weeks. I believe that should give you ample time to prepare your presentation,” the VP shook your hand.

After shaking hands with the CEO, you turned to leave. However, something was nagging you.

“May I ask who the other candidate is?” you inquired.

“Jung Hoseok from the northern branch,” the VP answered without missing a beat.

“Ah,” your brain exploded.

“Do you know him?” the CEO asked.

“We went to college together. I know of him,” you said curtly.

“Well you’ll finally get your chance to meet him. I’ve heard he’s very popular with the ladies at his branch. That’s not pertinent to his skills; however, you can’t blame an old man for wanting to know the gossip of his own employees,” the old man chuckled.

“Of course,” you smiled politely as you excused yourself from the office.

Jung Hoseok? That douchebag? Just your luck to run into him again (to fight for the next step in your career no less!). You think back on all the run ins you had with him during your collegiate days. Nothing but irritating memories of the two of you competing for the top spot came to mind.

Whatever. It didn’t matter who the other candidate was. You had to get to work and come up with a brilliant plan that will impress the CEO. You brushed the thought of Hoseok aside. It had been a couple of years, maybe he wouldn’t even remember you. There’s no need to stress out over something so trivial.

The weekend of the conference had finally arrived. You were instructed to travel together with Hoseok. You waited alone at the airport terminal. If you were lucky, Hoseok wouldn’t show up at all. You weren’t.

“___!” Hoseok called out your name in a sing songy voice.

“Hello Hoseok. Glad to see you haven’t changed,” you were already irritated.

“How are you? It’s been so long. You look great!” he went in for a hug but you turned away.

He stood awkwardly with his arms in the air for a second until he bounced back. He took the seat next to you and began chatting. You answered his list of questions apathetically.

“Did I do something to offend you?” Hoseok finally asked.

“I just think it’s funny that even after all these years, I still have to compete with you,” you retorted.

“Still hung up on that? It doesn’t even matter anymore. We got good jobs and now we’re here. Together! Isn’t that cool?”

“No, not at all. Although I guess it will be nostalgic coming out on top once again,” you smirked.

“Your competitive nature always amused me. You’re so cute when you lose,” Hoseok teased.

“I never lost to you,” you gasped.

“That’s not what that one study abroad trip with Professor whatshisname says,” he cooed.

“Professor Namjoon! You knew he was my favorite, you prick. At least I graduated as top of the class with honors,” you argued.

“My GPA was off by thousandths of a point. That doesn’t really bother me. But I’m glad you have something that makes you happy,” Hoseok shrugged.

‘This is gonna be one long fucking weekend’, you thought.

The flight was short and pleasant since Hoseok left you alone. You wanted to see as little of him as possible during this trip. You intended to get that promotion no matter what.

After the plane landed, the two of you made your way to the hotel that was hosting the conference.

“Hi, last name ___ and Jung?” you smiled at the hotel concierge.

“Ah yes, you guys are here for the business conference?” the concierge asked.

“Indeed we are!” Hoseok chimed in from behind you.

“Alrighty, I got you guys all checked in. Enjoy your stay!” the concierge handed you a singular set of keys.

“Oh, I’m sorry, there must be a mistake. We’re in two separate rooms,” you politely tried to hand back the keys.

“The reservation is for a singular suite,” the concierge explained.

“Probably cheaper that way,” Hoseok reasoned while nodding.

Your fake smile faltered for a second. How the hell are you supposed to spend an entire weekend sharing a room with the most despicable person on the planet?

At least the hotel itself was grand. There was no way you’d ever be able to afford to stay in such a swanky place. The lobby was decorated with ornate marble pillars that were laced with gold trimmings. It even had a fancy fountain in the middle to greet incoming guests, which you thought was a bit overkill.

“Excited to sleep with me, princess?” Hoseok teased, obviously picking up on your annoyance.

“Fuck off. Stay the hell away from my bed and my things,” you spat.

“Who’s to say that you won’t be able to stay away from my bed?” he smirked.

“You wish,” you rolled your eyes as the elevator finally stopped on the top floor.

You led the way to your shared suite with Hoseok. The trip was exhausting; you couldn’t wait to take a nap on your large luxurious bed that was probably topped with Egyptian cotton (one can dream).

You immediately dropped your bags on the side of the room and flopped onto the bed, shutting your eyes.

“Interesting,” Hoseok said.

You ignored him.

“Very interesting,” he continued.

“What? What is so interesting?” you sat up and glared at him in frustration.

“Take a quick glance around the room,” he suggested.

Your heart sank, “No fucking way.”

You loved this trope in fanfics, but in real life? Fuck no, not with this asshole. Yes, there was only one luxurious king sized bed in the room.

“Well, looks like you're going to sleep on the floor,” you smiled sweetly at him.

“The bed is huge, we can definitely share,” Hoseok argued.

“I think the fuck not,” you dropped back onto the bed, “I’m sure you’ll whore your way into someone else’s bed each night anyway.”

“I don’t think I need to, not when I’m already sharing a bed with you,” he flirted.

“Bite me, Hoseok,” you sighed, not in the mood for a tit for tat.

“Are you into that? I’d happily oblige,” he responded as he sat on the other side of the bed.

“I’m afraid that’s confidential information that you are not privy to,” you huffed, turning away from him.

“Are you really going to make me sleep on the floor?” he asked quietly.

“Would you listen to me if I said I wanted you to?” you were curious to know.

“Look, I’ll admit that I can be an asshole, but I’m not a creep. If you’re really not comfortable with sharing a bed with me I’ll sleep on the floor. All I’d ask of you is to spare me a pillow.”

There was a short silence as you mulled over your options.

“Fine, we can share the bed. But I demand a pillow divider to be set between us,” you caved.

“Wahoo! Thank you so much for your generosity, ___. Do you want to use the bathroom to get ready for bed first, or shall I?” Hoseok celebrated.

“I’ll get ready first,” you lazily rolled off the bed and trudged to the bathroom.

You were so tired that you missed hearing Hoseok’s soft chuckle as he watched you stumble to the bathroom. He patiently waited for you to finish before it was his turn to get ready for bed. You were sound asleep by the time he was done.

The blankets were haphazardly sprawled out on your side of the bed. One leg was under the covers while the other was completely exposed. Your mouth was agape with a bit of drool seeping out, and your shirt lifted up to expose some of your tummy.

Hoseok smiled at the sight. Never in a million years did he think he’d ever be lucky enough to see you like this. He pulled down your shirt in an attempt to make you look decent, but there was nothing he could do about your drooling. He tucked you into the sheets properly, making sure that the blankets covered you up to your neck.

He settled into his side of the bed. You forgot to put up the pillow divider. Hoseok stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He turned over to face you in an attempt to get comfortable.

‘She looks so sweet. Almost cute,’ Hoseok thought.

He quickly brushed the thought aside. You were his rival, and have been since the first day of college years ago. He sat up and created a pillow barrier. Bickering with you first thing in the morning was the last thing he wanted.

The first day of the conference was filled with attending various meetings while attempting to make as many networking connections as possible. You got up early and left the room before Hoseok was even awake. The less time spent with him, the better.

Of course, completely avoiding him was impossible. You were to sit with your respective company during the meetings and presentations. The VP sat between you and Hoseok, while the CEO switched between sitting on either side. You were thankful for the separation, but nervous nonetheless.

The CEO would occasionally lean over to ask you questions about the presentations, and he intently listened to your responses. The VP would merely look over occasionally to give you a smile or wink; he acted more like moral support. You knew the entire weekend would practically be an interview, but you underestimated how anxiety inducing it would be.

The higher ups finally left you alone when lunchtime came around. You picked up your lunch in the hotel’s decadent ballroom that had been turned into an eating area. You scouted an empty table in the far corner of the room in the hopes of finding some peace and quiet.

Hoseok had other plans. He saw you sit down at the table and happily followed you.

“Hey there buddy!” he greeted you as he sat down.

“Shouldn’t you be networking with new people?” you rolled your eyes at him.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he retorted as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“I’ve been doing that since before you were awake. I think I deserve a break,” you replied.

“I forgot that you’re quite the hard worker. I couldn’t have asked for better competition,” he said.

“Was that a compliment?” you asked with an amused grin.

“Yeah, and it’s the only one you’ll ever get from me. Is your pitch to the CEO ready?” Hoseok inquired.

“It has been. And no, I’m not going to tell you what it is,” you proudly answered.

“Oh c’mon! Mine is ready too! You’re a damn fool if you think I’m gonna steal your idea. I’m just curious,” he pouted.

“Fine. I’ll tell you if you tell me yours first,” you offered.

“So distrustful,” Hoseok feigned offense, “Okay, so I think offering higher bonuses for working overtime would be a good start. There could even be competitive bonuses in each department for the person who gets the best numbers that month.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” you said at first, “But don’t you think that would just create more animosity between coworkers?”

“I think competition is a healthy motivation factor. It worked for me in college,” Hoseok defended his idea.

“Everyone is competitive in college. Especially in the business schools,” you argued.

“Yeah, but not everyone is you,” Hoseok stated.

“Excuse me?”

“Honestly, I probably wouldn’t be here today if you weren’t always on my ass,” he admitted, “Being your rival was kinda fun. You got flustered so easily, it was almost cute.”

“I do not get flustered easily! Plus, it was always you who was on my ass,” you huffed.

“I see that you still do,” Hoseok laughed, “But seriously. The universe brought us together again so I guess it’s telling me to thank you.”

“That’s uncharacteristically nice of you to say,” you looked away from him to hide your reddening cheeks, “You pushed me too, so thanks for that...I guess.”

“Mhm, no problem buddy. I’ll see you in the next presentation room,” he got up to leave.

“Wait Hoseok!” you called after him.

“Yeah?” he turned around quickly.

“I didn’t tell you my idea--”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s brilliant,” he winked before walking away.

The rest of the day passed by quickly. You retired to your room, exhausted from all the forced socialization. Your mind was stuck on what Hoseok said earlier. Maybe he wasn’t as big of an asshole as you thought. Perhaps you mistook a friendly rivalry for toxic competition.

You were sprawled out across the bed in your pjs when Hoseok entered the room.

“Are you gonna sleep like that?” he asked.

“You’re gonna have to forcibly remove me from your side if you want it that badly,” you replied with your eyes still closed.

“That’s fine,” Hoseok said as he abruptly rolled you over to your side.

“Hey!” you squeaked out in protest.

“It was either that, or I laid on top of you and suffocated you.”

“Hmph,” you let out a displeased noise.

“Oh my god, you’re so bratty. How old are you?” Hoseok chuckled.

“Old enough to know that you’re a meanie,” your response was muffled by the pillow you buried your face in.

“Sorry I’m a what?” Hoseok teased.

“A meanie!” you quickly got up and slammed a pillow into Hoseok, catching him by surprise.

“I’m the meanie? You just pelted me with a pillow!” he cowered away from you.

“And I’ll do it again!” you threatened.

“I don’t think so,” Hoseok suddenly lurched forward, tackling you back onto your side of the bed.

You’re both laughing at this point. Seeing Hoseok up close and personal made you realize how handsome he truly was. Had he always been this attractive? Hoseok’s cheerful laugh echoed throughout the room as he loomed over you, pinning you down.

“I’ll get off if you promise not to hit me with a pillow ever again,” Hoseok tried to say in a serious tone, but his smile betrayed him.

“Sorry, I can’t make such a ridiculous promise,” you sassed.

“God, you really are so bratty. Kinda cute, kinda naughty,” Hoseok tsked.

“There’s nothing you can do about it,” you stuck your tongue out at him.

Hoseok leaned down to whisper in your ear, “Oh, I’m sure there’s something I could do.”

That sent chills down your spine. This was perhaps the most intimate moment you’ve shared with someone in a long time.

“Keep dreaming then, lover boy,” you said. Truth be told, just that one sentence turned you on, but you couldn’t let him know that.

“As you wish,” Hoseok released you and retreated back to his side of the bed.

“Maybe you aren’t as big of an asshole as I remembered,” you chuckled.

“You thought I was an asshole?” Hoseok laughed.

“I did. Maybe I still do. Not that it matters, we’ll never see each other again after this stupid conference.”

“That’s not true,” Hoseok disagreed, “I’ll be on the executive council, so you may see me from time to time.”

“I like the confidence. Too bad it’s in vain,” you teased, “I’m going to bed. Our day starts early tomorrow.”

“Our?”

“The. The day starts early tomorrow. Just go to bed Hoseok,” your turned over to conceal the faint smile on your face. Maybe he wasn’t so bad afterall.

The second day of the conference started off as boring as the previous day. The various presenters droned on about different strategies regarding the improvement of a company with a plethora of charts and numbers to back it all up. The CEO wasn’t as talkative today to either you or Hoseok. The VP still made his reassuring gestures to you, flashing smiles and winks here and there.

“Can I see you privately after the last morning presentation?” the VP whispered to you.

“Yes, of course!” you excitedly answer. Currying the VP’s favor may come in handy later.

After the last presentation, the VP discreetly led you to a vacant corner. His tone became serious as he began to speak.

“The CEO discussed his initial thoughts with me last night. I know I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but he’s currently leaning towards Hoseok,” he explained.

The news made your heart sink.

“I’d rather see you on the executive council, if I’m being frank. My pride is on the line since I recommended you,” his voice lowered, “However, I think there is a way to sway his opinion.”

“Which is?” you eagerly asked.

“Someone might overhear here, meet me in my room in an hour,” the VP covertly handed you his room key.

He walked away without another word. The fact that the VP was on your side gave you a faint sliver of hope. The next hour of free time was spent frantically networking while your mind was obviously elsewhere. Every now and then you heard Hoseok’s voice, and just the sound of it spurred you on to make even more connections. By the end of it, your face began to hurt from all the fake smiling.

You were standing in front of the VP’s hotel room exactly an hour after your secret rendezvous. The door opened immediately after you knocked.

“You’re extremely punctual; that’s wonderful,” the VP observed as you entered, “Make yourself comfortable.”

You scoured the room to find a place to sit. Your uneasiness must have been obvious, as the VP gestured towards the bed.

“Thank you,” you said as you awkwardly sat at the edge of the bed, “What is your plan?”

“It’s quite simple actually,” the VP sat beside you, “I just need to get to know you better. That way I can give an authentic and flawless review to the CEO.”

“So, you’re going to conduct an in-depth interview?” you asked timidly as you noticed him scooting closer to you.

“You could say that,” he voice lowered as he rested his hand on your thigh, “We have about 45 free minutes remaining. I believe you should make the most of this interview, Miss ___,” he smiled slyly as his hand began to travel upwards.

“How dare you?!” you yelled as you abruptly pushed him off of you, “I’m going to report you to HR!”

“Then say goodbye to your promotion. You really think you were chosen just because your numbers have been decent? You definitely were not the CEO’s first choice. He didn’t even know who you were. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be here,” he explained with a shit eating grin.

“Then why the hell would you even bring me up to the CEO? Just so you could try and sleep with me?” you were enraged.

“Don’t blame me for wanting some eye candy to entertain me during this god awful convention,” he smirked.

“Fuck you, you fucking pig,” you spat.

“Ohhh feisty. I like that in a girl. If you leave now, you can kiss that promotion goodbye,” the VP called out to you as you stormed towards the door.

“And you can kiss my ass, and shove that promotion up yours,” you snapped, flipping him off before slamming the door behind you.

Tears welled in your eyes as you made your way to your room. You were absolutely distraught. Had all your hard work been for nothing? Had you been nothing but a pretty sight for men to stare at for the past five years?

You entered your hotel room to find Hoseok laying on the bed. You quickly wiped away your tears; you hadn’t expected him to be there. He appeared to be taking a nap. You watched his chest rise and fall slowly as you snuck into the bathroom. You freshened yourself up to the best of your abilities. Maybe a little power nap would help calm your nerves. Too bad Hoseok was taking up the bed. Fuck.

You left the bathroom to see if maybe you could curl up in one of the corners of the bed. Luckily, Hoseok was on his side of the bed. You set a timer for half an hour and slowly crawled under the covers. Your eyelids felt heavy as you closed them.

“If you wanted to cuddle you could’ve just let me know,” Hoseok’s voice surprised you.

“Well, I don’t. Leave me alone,” you responded.

“What if I want to cuddle?” he asked.

“There is an abundance of perfectly good pillows for you to use,” you sighed, then sniffled a little.

“Are you sick?” Hoseok asked with a worried tone.

“No, I’m fine,” you answered quickly, panicking.

“___, what’s wrong?” Hoseok was sitting up now.

“Nothing, leave me alone,” you turned away.

“If you insist, I won’t push it. Just know that you can talk to me if you need to,” he offered.

You heard him get off the bed. You pulled the sheets over your head to hide your face. You cried silently as Hoseok shuffled around the room, presumably getting ready to leave. Suddenly, he pounced on you.

“Hoseok! What the fu--” you cried out as he yanked the sheets off of you.

“Surprise attack!” he gleefully exclaimed.

His expression quickly changed when he saw your tear streaked face. You looked up at him with puffy eyes. You were too exhausted to hold your cold stare. Instead, you looked away in embarrassment.

“___, what happened?” he asked softly.

“It doesn’t matter. But congrats, you basically got the promotion,” you laughed in defeat.

“You spoke with the CEO?” Hoseok was shocked.

“No, with the VP. That stupid son of a bitch. He--nevermind. I blew my chance, so the job is all yours. I am almost positive that I am unemployed now as well,” the tears returned and you couldn’t stop them.

“Hey, ___, it’s okay,” Hoseok tried to comfort you, “If the CEO didn’t tell you himself, then you can’t be 100% certain.”

“I was literally only invited because the VP tried to get in my pants!” you blurted out.

“What?” Hoseok was dumbfounded.

“He just told me that I’d have the job if I had sex with him. Can you fucking believe that? How long have I not been taken seriously? This has been so demoralizing,” you let it all out.

“Aw, c’mere,” Hoseok pulled you up and gave you a warm embrace, “What did you say to him?”

“I told him to shove it,” you sniffled against his firm chest.

“There’s the you I know. You haven’t changed a bit,” he chuckled, “We can talk to the CEO together tomorrow about this.”

“Why would you help me? The promotion is basically yours because of this,” you sighed.

“I don’t really care for it, if I’m being honest. I’m satisfied with my job now. I don’t want any more responsibilities,” he answered while stroking your hair.

“Then why are you here?” you looked up at him.

“I only agreed to come after they told me that you’d be here,” he admitted.

You didn’t know what to say. Too many things have happened in the past hour alone.

“Don’t get it twisted, I was just curious to see how you’ve been after all these years. Plus a free trip is always enticing. Getting to share a bed with you has just been an added bonus,” he smiled.

Your timer rang, causing you to break away from Hoseok’s arms.

“Guess it’s time to go to more boring meetings. Yay,” Hoseok feigned enthusiasm.

“I’m gonna stay here. There’s no point in me attending anymore,” you stated.

“Nope, you’re going. I’m dragging you with me! You gotta show the VP that he didn’t frazzle you at all. Fuck that guy. Well, not literally,” Hoseok was pulling you out of bed.

Hoseok subtly made sure that you sat between him and the CEO the entire time. You caught him giving the VP dirty looks, which made you feel a little better.

You quickly excused yourself after the last meeting and tried to make a break for your room. Unfortunately, Hoseok prevented you from doing so.

“You got a date for the banquet tonight?” he asked.

“No. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem because I’m not going. Have fun with your date though,” you shook your head.

“Who said I had a date?”

“I’m sure women were basically throwing themselves at you.”

“You’re not wrong, but I turned them all down. I have my eyes set on one gal.”

“Lucky her, I guess,” you rolled your eyes.

“Indeed. Although I still gotta ask her,” he looked around the room as if he was searching for her.

“You better hurry. Isn’t it in a couple hours?”

“Yep. Alright, here goes nothing!” Hoseok rushed off, finally giving you the chance to disappear.

You let out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors start to close. However, someone’s hand shot through at the last second. Hoseok stumbled in as the elevator doors reopened. You groaned. Why can’t you escape him?

“Did she say yes?” you asked with an indifferent tone.

“Not sure yet. Will you go to the banquet with me?” Hoseok asked.

“Fuck off.”

“Alright, well she just said no. Ouch,” Hoseok clicked his tongue.

“Wait, are you being serious?” your eyes widened.

“If the word ‘date’ threw you off, then I’m happy with going as friends,” he proposed.

“I’m flattered, but I’m really not in the mood to party with random strangers.”

“You don’t have to. Just party with me. Why would I let you be sad and mopey all alone in a hotel room when you could be drinking free booze?”

“Is the alcohol is free?”

“Duh, it’s all being charged to the company. Plus dinner is served.”

“Ok fine, I’ll go. I guess I didn’t pack that stupid dress for nothing.”

“Let’s not allow a gorgeous dress to go to waste,” Hoseok agreed.

“You haven’t even seen it,” you suppressed a smile.

“Anything can be gorgeous if you’re the one wearing it,” he winked.

“Oh, shut up,” a small smile cracked on your face.

Hoseok was the first to get ready for the banquet. He wanted your look to be a surprise so he insisted on going first. You were beginning to find his weird yet endearing antics kind of cute.

You weren’t prepared when he came out of the bathroom. You were well aware that Hoseok was a handsome guy, maybe even handsome enough to model. However, you weren’t ready when Hoseok emerged in a grey suit with his hair styled to reveal his forehead. His radiance was comparable to that of the sun, and he only shone brighter when he smiled at you.

“You look good,” you tried to act cool.

“Thank you! I’ll admit I do enjoy dressing up from time to time. But who doesn’t, am I right?” he beamed.

You nodded as you hauled your things into the bathroom. After about an hour, you were ready: fully dressed, makeup done, confidence soaring. You had forgotten how therapeutic dressing up could be.

Your dress was a deep emerald green that was elegant yet seductive. It had a side slit that flirtatiously showed off one of your legs. The neckline gracefully outlined your cleavage while still remaining on the classy side.

“Holy shit. You look amazing!” Hoseok praised you as soon as you stepped out.

“I was only trying to match you,” you said shyly, trying to hide your flushed cheeks.

“I think it’s safe to say that we’ll be the most breathtaking duo there. Shall we depart?” he extended out an arm.

The dinner started out with boring speeches by people you didn’t care to remember the names of. Hoseok elected to sit at the table furthest away from the stage, which was an excellent choice. That allowed the two of you to chat the night away in hushed voices. You both had already gone through five glasses of wine by the time the speeches were finally over.

“The dance floor is now open! Enjoy the rest of the night, and don’t forget that there’s an open bar!” the MC shouted through the mic.

The lights dimmed and a disco ball lowered in the center of the room. People began to crowd the dance floor. You laughed with Hoseok as you both observed various awkward shuffles and sways.

“Wanna dance?” Hoseok yelled over the music.

“I can’t!” you yelled back.

“I’m sure you can! Let’s go!” Hoseok didn’t wait for a reply.

He dragged you to an empty space on the dance floor. The two of you began drawing attention to yourselves as soon as you stepped out. Two beauties were dancing in the open for everyone to see. You shyly swayed to the rhythm of the music and laughed at Hoseok’s silly moves. However, Hoseok began to move in a way that was absolutely bewitching. He looked like a professional dancer with the way he commanded his body to hit every beat. Hoseok had drawn a very large crowd as people began cheering him on.

You were amazed by his stage presence. You’ve always had a thing for dancers, and he looked downright sexy. The song ended and Hoseok gave his audience a dramatic bow, awarding him deafening applause.

“I didn’t know you could dance!” you shouted when he returned to your side.

“I like to dance in my free time! Did you like it?” he shouted back.

“I’ll admit it was sexy,” you laughed.

“You think I’m sexy?”

“Maybe I do,” you winked.

You had more fun than you expected while dancing with Hoseok. He made you feel secure, so you were able to let loose. You didn’t care what you looked like, as long as Hoseok was there with you.

The night progressed and you began to feel bold. A particularly raunchy song came on, as if it were asking you to grind on Hoseok. And that’s exactly what you did. You guided his hands to your hips as you grinded into his crotch

“You sure you wanna be doing that?” Hoseok spoke into your ear with a low voice.

“Absolutely,” you replied.

Hoseok spun you around and gazed at you intimately while he brought you closer into his body. Various body parts were rubbing against each other now. The sexual tension was palpable.

Hoseok’s hands were running up and down your body, and your mouth was dangerously close to his neck. The scent of his cologne was intoxicating. You couldn’t help yourself; you leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on his neck. His low growl was an indication that he liked it, so you kissed him again with more vigor.

“You’re going to have to stop,” he scolded.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Did I overstep your boundaries?” you were embarrassed.

“Absolutely not. But I can’t fuck you out here in public now can I?” he towed you off the dance floor and made a beeline for the elevators.

Thank god no one else was in the elevator, neither of you could keep your paws off of each other. Hoseok’s hands were unabashedly feeling you up and down while his crotch was slowly grinding into yours. Your arms were wrapped around his neck as you planted kisses along his sharp jawline.

Hoseok couldn’t stop whispering naughty things into your ear during the entire elevator trip up to your shared room. His lowered voice sent chills down your spine as he expressed just how eager he was to finally have you. You felt yourself getting wetter by the second.

“I wanted to strip off that dress the moment I saw you wearing it,” he cooed, “God, I can’t wait to see how beautiful you’ll look underneath me.”

“Hoseok, do you ever shut up?” you teased with a coy smile.

“I dunno, you might have to make me,” he played along.

“Maybe sitting on your handsome face will do the trick,” you said as you nipped his ear.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

The elevator doors finally opened, and Hoseok quickly dragged you out. He immediately tore off your dress the moment the hotel room door was closed. You did him the same favor as you frantically unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his toned body.

“Why don’t you be a good boy and wait for me on the bed?” you suggested.

“Yes ma’am,” he complied, his eyes never leaving your body.

“Like what you see?” you asked, turning around slowly to fully show off the lingerie that perfectly complimented your body.

“You are so fucking sexy, ___,” Hoseok smiled in awe.

“I’m so glad you think so. You’re not too bad yourself,” you winked at him.

You finally joined Hoseok on the bed. You kiss his body from his abdomen all the way up his chest before stopping at his mouth. You took a second to relish the feeling of his plush lips against yours before he deepened the kiss with a ferocious intensity.

“Wanna try and shut me up now?” Hoseok lifted his eyebrows suggestively once the kiss broke.

“With pleasure,” you responded as you began to position yourself above him, “Wait, do you want me to take this off?” you gestured to your undergarments.

“No need,” he said before abruptly pulling aside your panties.

You slowly lowered yourself onto his face and stopped when you felt his breath on your pussy. Hoseok impatiently gripped your hips and pulled you directly onto his tongue. The sudden contact made you gasp. Hoseok didn’t waste any time getting down to business.

He flattened his tongue out to cover as much area as possible as he licked across your folds. He expertly flicked and lapped your pussy in the perfect places. Your legs began to tremble, and you had to grip onto the bed’s headboard for support.

You looked down to see the beautiful man’s face buried in your pussy; that sight alone was almost enough to bring you over the edge. Hoseok’s hands slithered their way up to your chest, where he began to twist and pull at your sensitive nipples through your bra.

“You taste--so good,” Hoseok panted out from underneath you.

“Should I get off--fuck!” you were interrupted by Hoseok sucking on your clit.

His mouth was heaven sent. Your body began to heat up and soon you lost the strength to hold yourself up even against the headboard.

You cried out as you came all over Hoseok’s face. His face was glistening with your juices as he smiled up at you. He seductively licked his lips to taste you again.

“Your turn?” you asked.

“As much as I wanna see your pretty lips wrapped around my cock, I think I need to be inside you more,” he replied as he repositioned himself.

He stripped off the rest of his clothing. You watched with admiration as more of his skin became exposed.

“You can take off the fancy underwear now,” he said once he caught you staring.

“You don’t want to see it anymore?” you fakeed a pout.

“___, you’re drop dead gorgeous in it. However, I advise you to take it off yourself because I won’t hold back. I don’t want to ruin your underwear, just you,” he replied.

Hoseok mixed in little nibbles while he kissed along your neck. Your voice dripped with bliss as you quietly moaned.

“I guess you do like being bitten, huh? What about this?” Hoseok licked your neck, causing you to squirm underneath him.

“I think I like that too,” you whispered, biting your lip.

You wriggled out of your undergarments, leaving yourself completely naked in front of Hoseok. You pull at the hem of Hoseok’s underwear, eager to see what he was packing.

You were not disappointed. Although he was well endowed, what he lacked in length was made up for in girth.

“Do you want me to use a condom?” he asked.

“I’m on the pill, and I’m pretty sure I’m clean. I haven’t been intimate in an embarrassingly long amount of time,” you admitted, blushing.

“I find that hard to believe,” Hoseok said while kissing around your face, “Since you’re so damn beautiful,” his lips found yours and led you into a passionate kiss.

His hips began to grind into yours, his dick rubbing against your bare pussy. You wrapped your legs around him, bringing him closer.

“Please don’t tease me,” you pleaded.

“What are the magic words?” Hoseok teased.

“Fuck me, Hobi,” you begged.

“Oh my fucking god,” he growled.

He slammed his hips into yours, not giving you enough time to adjust to him. The stretch was intense at first, but it soon turned into nothing but pleasure. Your euphoria grew as he rhythmically bucked his hips into you.

Hoseok spread your legs out as wide as you could go, giving him quite the erotic view that only aroused him more. You tried to stifle your moans, but were failing miserably.

“Don’t hold back baby, let me hear you. Show me how good I make you feel,” he leaned over to whisper into your ear.

You complied instantly, your moans resounding around the room. Hoseok’s position allowed him to hit you deeply with every stroke. Without a word, he pulled out of you and flipped you over onto your knees. He roughly forced your chest down, leaving your ass in the air for him.

“Your ass is so fucking fat,” he said as his hand connected with your bare skin, causing you to shriek.

He kissed it afterward while his fingers teased your clit. He realigned himself with your entrance. This new position was even better than the last. You could no longer hold in your moans even if you wanted to. Hoseok repeatedly hit your g-spot, and you could feel another orgasm welling up within you.

“Hobi, I’m gonna cum,” you cry out.

“Say that again,” he demanded.

“I-i’m gonna cum!”

“No, not that. That’s hot but call me Hobi again,” he chuckled.

“Hobi!” you said with an exasperated tone.

“Yes princess? Fuck, I’m close,” Hoseok’s movements were becoming more haphazard by the second.

“Hobi, right there oh my god keep going please,” you begged, “Hobi...ah shit!” you came undone.

It wasn’t long after until Hoseok followed suit, pulling out to cum all over your ass. He rolled off the bed to get something to clean you up with.

“How are you feeling?” Hoseok asked.

“Better. You?” you answered.

“Doing pretty well. I fucked the girl of my dreams,” he said gleefully.

“Shut up,” you playfully pushed him.

“I’m serious. I’ve adored you since college. I lived for your playful banter,” he began to explain.

“It wasn’t playful,” you interjected.

“Yeah, I know. But that’s what made it fun! All the other girls just wanted to be with me for my looks or whatever. None of them knew the real me.”

“And I did?”

“More so than most. You always pushed me to do my best. I really just wanted to be good enough for you. Kind of silly huh? I even dated that girl in an attempt to make you jealous. Which backfired since her dad was Professor whatshisface who took me on that trip,” Hoseok opened up.

“Hobi I...I’m so sorry. I was such a bitch to you back then. And now too I guess. My competitive side gets the better of me. I was always annoyed by how you were seemingly good at everything. It even irritated me that you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life,” you began to apologize, “Oh, and his name is Namjoon. Professor Namjoon.”

“Thanks for reminding me. I hate to admit it but he made me a little jealous. I wanted you to praise me the way you praised him. Anyway, things can change now that everything's out in the open,” Hoseok smiled, “You’re even calling me Hobi! I’ve been dreaming about this moment.”

“Was it everything you ever hoped for?” you joked.

“You said it when you asked me to fuck you, then you said it multiple times while I was balls deep inside of you. So yeah, I would say it was everything I could’ve hoped for, if not more,” he pulled you into his chest.

The two of you continued talking for what felt like hours while cuddling. You hadn’t been this relaxed in ages. You were nearly asleep on his chest when he stroked a strand of hair from your face.

“Tomorrow will be interesting, huh?” he said softly.

“I guess I still have to pitch my idea to the CEO,” you sighed softly, “What a waste of time.”

“It’s not a waste of time if you’re gonna get the promotion,” Hoseok reprimanded.

“I already told you, I’m not. The VP will make sure that you get it. This is good for you. Don’t worry about me,” you kissed his cheek, “We should get some sleep now.”

“Alright. Goodnight, ___,” he kissed your forehead.

“Goodnight Hobi.”

“Fuck, I really love when you say that.”

It was time. Time to pitch your idea to the CEO for no damn reason. You were beyond nervous, and Hoseok could tell. He tried to ease your nerves by giving you a firm shoulder massage as you both waited to be called into a small conference room.

The VP emerged, ignoring your mean scowl, and called Hoseok in to present first. Of course he would go first, no need to waste time hearing your proposal.

It was an anxiety riddled wait. You recounted the previous day’s events, which was a mistake because that only infuriated you. The whole situation was an affront on your character, and you will not stand for it. You debated giving the VP another piece of your mind at the end of everything.

“___, you’re up,” the VP called you after Hobi finished.

“You’re gonna kill it,” Hobi encouraged you, coupled with a pat on the back.

“This is pointless and you know that,” you sighed.

Hobi shook his head in disagreement. It was heartwarming to see how supportive he was being. Maybe it was due to the fact that the job was practically his already. It doesn’t matter now.

“Good morning gentlemen,” you greet them.

“The floor is yours, Miss ___,” the CEO responded cordially.

“I’ll keep it short and simple. I propose that the best way to improve the company is to shorten work day hours and increase PTO days,” you said confidently.

“Is that it? Can you expound on that?” the VP cynically asked.

“Yes, I’m so glad you asked,” you smiled coldly, “Studies show that employees are exponentially more productive when they are happier. Not only will the company become more efficient, but the overall company atmosphere will become more positive. Interpersonal relationships between employees and bosses will improve in an appropriate professional manner,” you glared at the VP.

“That’s a very interesting take,” the CEO said thoughtfully, “Do you have any suggestions regarding the actual work that the company does?”

“No sir. The company has been thriving, so I believe that the way things are running now are proficient. However, as a company, we should always be willing to listen to our employees’ concerns,” you stated.

“You’ve brought up interesting points to the table. As an employee, do you have any concerns you’d like to express?” the CEO asked.

“There is one pressing matter that comes to mind,” you stole a glance at the VP to see him shift uncomfortably in his seat, “I firmly expect that employee/supervisor relationships should be strictly professional.”

“Are you just giving us your opinion on office romances?” the VP sneered.

“I believe that trying to use intimacy as leverage is highly immoral, if not a fireable offense,” you held your ground.

“Of course,” the CEO agreed.

“Then said employee would simply need to file a complaint with HR,” the VP dismissed you.

“What better way to get my complaint heard than speaking directly to the CEO?” you smiled sweetly, “Sir, yesterday the man sitting beside you crudely suggested that I sleep with him in order to gain the promotion. He also alluded that all of my accomplishments are for naught, and that I am purely ‘eye candy’.”

“Is this true?” the CEO asked his VP in dismay.

“Of course not. She’s grasping at straws. Look how desperate she is to get the job,” the VP quickly defended himself.

“I am not lying. I am fully prepared to be fired on the spot. I cannot continue to work at a company that allows this kind of sloppy behavior to go unpunished. Thank you for your time,” you bowed and quickly took your leave.

You released a huge sigh as soon as you were outside of the room. Hobi rushed over to your side. Suddenly, you began to laugh hysterically. Hobi looked at you nervously, obviously concerned about your mental state.

“Isn’t it so funny? All my hard work had just been flushed down the toilet by a stupid man drunk on power. I love that!” you wheezed.

“___, ___ calm down. What happened?” Hobi inquired.

You told him what just went down. A smile crept across his face as you got to the part where you put the VP on the spot.

“I wouldn’t count yourself out just yet dude,” Hoseok shrugged, “All we can do is wait.”

“Yeah, I’ll be the first one to congratulate you on your new job. Then I’ll begin my search for a new one,” you gave him a thumbs up.

The VP stumbled out of the room and angrily stomped towards the both of you.

“You fucking bitch! Who do you think you are? Do you even know what you’ve done? I know people. I’m gonna make sure your life is hell!” he yelled at you.

“That’s enough! You have been dismissed. I do not want to see your face around here again. Clean out your office on Monday,” the CEO ordered, “Would the both of you please follow me back into the room?”

You both timidly followed him, curious as to what he had to say.

“I apologize on behalf of the company for this incident. This isn’t the first time a complaint has been filed against him. Unfortunately, he always told me that they were just futile grasps for leverage and I foolishly believed him. However, his loss is your gain,” he smiled, “How would you like to be my new Vice President?”

You were agog. Hoseok’s eyes widened as he stood beside you.

“Surely there are more qualified people,” you stammered in disbelief.

“There definitely are. But none of them are what this company needs. It takes a special person to have their rival pitch all the reasons why you are a better candidate than they are,” the CEO happily nodded.

“I- he what?” you cast a surprised look at Hobi.

“Oh yes. He spent all his time highlighting your best qualities as an employee. It was quite a shock,” the CEO smiled.

“I will humbly accept your offer. Thank you so much sir, I will work even harder!” you bowed gratefully.

“That brings me to Mr. Jung. The position on the executive council is yours, if you want it,” the CEO offered.

“If the offer is unopposed, then I have no choice but to accept. I will do my best!” Hobi joined in your bowing.

“Wonderful! It’ll be refreshing to see some lively young faces at those atrocious meetings,” the CEO laughed, “Oh, and one more thing. The two of you will have to relocate to the main branch, I hope that’s okay. I look forward to working with both of you.”

You both nodded gleefully. After the CEO dismissed the pair of you, the trip back up to your hotel room was nothing but joyous. It was like you were in a dream that you never wanted to wake up from. You even pinched each other to make sure it was all real.

“I can’t believe you were advocating for me,” you hugged him.

“You deserve it. Your impressive diligence should not go unrewarded,” he squeezed you tighter, “Plus, this ended up being pretty sweet! Congratulations to both of us!”

“We need to go out to celebrate!” you wiggled.

“Yes! Let me take you out,” Hobi tackled you onto the bed.

“Where shall we go?” you playfully ask.

“Maybe we should go explore our new city together?” he suggested.

“Our?”

“Yes, our. And when I say I’m gonna take you out, I mean as a date. Because I want to date you. And have been wanting to for years,” Hoseok charismatically emphasized.

“I’m looking forward to starting this new chapter of my life with you then, Mr. Jung Hoseok,” you press your forehead against his.

“Imma be all up in your bidness girl,” he joked.

“Your business is my business now loser,” you teased back.

Looks like all that hard work had paid off, and there’s no better reward than finally being with Jung Hoseok.

#bts smut #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #btscreatorscorner #ksmutclub #jung hoseok smut #bts angst #jung hoseok angst #bts fanfic #jhope smut #jhope angst #kpop fanfic #jhope fanfic #jung hoseok fanfic

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medical-gal · 3 years

Text

Death by a thousand cuts

I have been thinking about writing this for months now. Even before I decided to quit the residency at my previous job.

COVID has been kicking our ass, true, but that was (is) true for most healthcare providers all around the world.

No, my struggle started a bit before that actually.

First some background, I have been working at one of the biggest most famous ID clinics in central Europe. The clinic is in a different country than I am originally from so there was a bit of cultural accommodating at the begging. But we were a big group of ID interns/residents/fellows and specialists.

I don't actually remember that much from my first year working there. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I read in some study that when u experience a high dose of stress and/or sleep deprivation for a long time, your brain kinda stopps being able to transcribe short term memory into a long term.

I was working 100hours/week, sometimes less, sometimes more. After a year and a half, when the last half I worked in the ID ER for five months, I always stayed after working 24 hours, sometimes over 36hours, and I would see and treat 70ish patients. Nobody from the older docs would help me out, nobody from other interns either bc usually they would have their own kind of hell to take care of.

The fact that basically, inexperienced doctors are taking care of patients never really phased my ex-boss. Her mantra was that if there was a problem that you cannot resolve, you can call her and she would advise you. Which most of the time was true, I must say that.

But we all have been young docs, barely out of our medical school garments, and sometimes as it happened, we could not recognize there IS a problem that maybe needs a more experienced opinion.

I am often confronted with this idea or more like a culture, of pretending that once you are an MD you don't need help and asking for it is a kind of weakness and that then you are forever on the list of WEAKLINGS.

And let me say this only once.

That's absolute bullshit.

Anyway, the first time I decided to quit I worked there for about a year and a half, I went for a long-expected holiday, I took three weeks off, had interviews and talked with my bf about my options.

Second thing...my man, bless his beard, would support me no matter what. He is almost 10 years older than me, so he has more work experience and I find it reassuring to discuss stuff like this with him bc I know he will not sugarcoat it. He said that I should dig my heels in and last at least one more year till the end of my "internship". As a "resident" who worked at this specific department, I wouldn't have a problem finding another job. We r basically the equivalent of a french legion of medical professionals (when u work in this specific department and everyone knows it, I will come back to that later).

So I took his advice. Thankfully as a part of our training, one of those parts is a year-long internship at the internal medicine department, which I did shortly after we had that conversation and guys, that was a revelation of how medicine and just...work and life can be experienced. There were enough docs for a floor, an attending who had the time to manage and advise us. I´ve grown that year as a doc so much. Other internships were mandatory so I could have become (equivalent of) a resident, and it was a general surgery, anesthesiology, radiology, microbiology etc. But I did them all and became a resident.

The moment I came back to our clinic, my boss would put me in our outpatient department. Which I have never worked on before. The head of the department has quit a few months before, and I had no idea what to do there, bc it's a very different type work. The only thing my boss told me when I spoke of my concerns were "you will learn".

Thankfully the previous head of the department was a good friend of mine and she would always answer my questions and requests. Suddenly I no longer had to deal with the hectic life of an ID floor or ER, no sepsis, meningitis, etc.

Most of my patients were the chronic type...Lyme, chlamydia, mycoplasma... let's say it literally drained the life out of me. But I managed. Also, I started to work for their outpatient office which takes care of patients with chronic hepatatis. That I enjoyed more.

I also started to dip my toes in vaccinology, either planned like for travel but I started to be more interested in preventive care in the immunocompromised and my own phantasmagoria was to make a palliative care team in our hospital. Bc, we had none. And then a wonderful thing happened, other docs, older experienced, great at their work, started to refer their patients to me specifically.

There were more examples of the utter a complete FUCK U(s) which were kindly provided either by the system or by the head of the department or the hospital.

Then covid hit and the shit hit the interstellar space.

I still can't make myself remember the first few months bc it actually causes me to go into a rage fit, and honestly, I am done with that kind of negativity.

I hold out for a year. Year of such shitty treatment from the chief and our hospital head. No thank you- s or you are doing a good job or we r all on the same ship.

No.

People will say that I quit bc of the money. And that's not true, tho it did irk me a bit. All the other ID specialists working at different hospitals would get covid bonuses every month. We got jack shit. Again, the best biggest most know ID clinic. We were the first and oftern the ONLY ones who would test for/diagnose/hospitalize/treat a patient who had covid FOR MONTHS in the beginning.

I mean, the medical community is small, the ID community even smaller so yes, we were able to compare and contrast the work at different ID departments in other hospitals bc our friends worked there. And all of them would go speechless when they would hear from us what we were living thru.

At one point at the beginning of the pandemic, ALL the ambulances would go thru our ER department and we were supposed to decide where the patient should go.

AN EXAMPLE

Ambulance with a woman who has known colon cancer, had a fever, stomach as a rock and is projectile vomiting. I was supposed to decide where she should go and the surgeon would be super pissed when I said that I don't think she has COVID but without PCR I can't be sure but I think there is a bigger pressing issue. I remember him saying:

"well if anyone else gets infected at our department and dies, it's on you."

fun.

There were other examples of seriously stressful episodes which I and my coworkers lived thru, for which we were not trained for, advised, or properly supervised. At a certain point, I started to take anxiolytics before and during my all-nighters bc I didn't know what I would do with all that stress which was so callously shat on me and my coworkers.

For a few months, I stopped working nights, only thru the mercy of my coworkers who saw how exhausted I was and would take my shifts.

Anyway, after only two months I had to start working nights bc I needed the money. The basic pay for docs was just not enough without the extra from night shifts. Talk about exploiting.

The moment however when I decided to QUIT, when I was DONE, when I actually heard my heart break, was the moment at the end of the previous year. They decided to start vaccinating in our tiny small vaccination centre. Let's say a "shit storm" brewing is the light version of events that ensued.

But basically, as I was trying to discuss with my boss that we are all exhausted, that this wave is not slowing down and that throwing more work at us, the docs and nurses and other staff, who are overworked, is not a good idea,

What she basically said to me is that who says things like that is lazy and that if she can handle it everyone must be also.

The thing is..most of us were at the bring. Some would handle it with casual and calous sex, drugs (legal or not), a bottle of wine before sleep. A coworker ended up with antipsychotics.

But u know,

we were all lazy apperently.

I realized there is no way out of this other than quitting. I could not continue being so tired and sad all the time. I took two weeks off, really thought about it. Had diarrhoea and nausea for a week as I realized I will have to quit :D

On a Monday I came back, handed in my notice. Basically what she told me and how she reacted made me realized how right the decision was.

I had to stay there for another three months bc that's the law, but my mood changed significantly.

I got another job in a smaller ID department, working with amazingly kind people, but that's another story.

But that was the only interview I actually looked for and did. I, however, did get several job offers from different types of medicine. From heads of different departments in my old hospital to smaller general medicine chain offices who are looking for ID specialists, to insurance companies.

Like I said, french legion.

Or Runway and your boss is Miranda Pristley. Once u survive that, u survive anything.

But at my old work they would keep hitting you with wave after wave of passive agressive comments about how if u quit, u wont be able to find anything as"prestigious" as this.

There were many other exmaples of a shitty and questionable situations which were treated as "normal" but there is not point on getting on that rage train.

Contrary as it might seem, I am greatful I got to live thru this, good and bad, bc now I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice for a job. No matter how much I might love it.

#sorry this is long #but goddammit it needed to be said #suzy's adventures in id

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thevirgodoll · 3 years

Note

Hi babes 🤍 ima be real I need your honest opinion if that’s ok. Basically I gotta do my uni application (LIKE RN BC ITS DUE SOON) and I’ve been wanting to do radiography. Reasons being i love technology and healthcare, like I got a chronic illness so this means a lot to me. However my choices on courses/unis are limited to okayish places bc I’m doing this equivalent course, not the mainstream generally accepted way so not many places accept this for radiography. also i lack knowledge in radiography, I have no experience because of COVID. What if I hate it? im so interested in it but I’m dyspraxic and with my chronic illness I could struggle at times, I can’t tell if I’m using it as an excuse or being realistic. i could do sociology instead, i love it so much and am confident in it. I would have more university options too but less career choices :/ plus I feel like it’s not taken seriously by most people. sorry girl this was such a messy rant lmaooo ❤️❤️

I am never the type of person or blog that will specifically tell someone what to do with their lives. Only because I believe in that self discovery journey and how important it is to arrive to your own passions, ambitions, and knowledge. It is something you have to discover on your own. Those are things I cannot advise you on because it is specific to each person.

I can speak to some of your concerns though. I don’t think you should avoid something you want to do just because of your dyspraxia and chronic illness. I have ADHD and chronic illness so I can especially tell you this.

Struggling at times with personal things you cannot control is a part of life, and it doesn’t make you a weaker student nor does it block you from achieving your goals...it’s all about building plans around what you are dealing with so things can be easier for you.

Next, I do not think you should avoid something just because it may not be taken seriously by others because your career path is for you, not them. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. So take these two things into consideration for either major/path.

Lastly, if you hate something, it’s not finalized. Just because you start out majoring in something does not mean that has to be what you stick with. Plenty people go through major changes and end up just fine. At the end of the day, nobody really cares as long as you’re adjusting to your life/specific situation, academic achievement, and desires.

Picking a Major or Career Path

1. What do I love to do? What are my strengths? What are my ambitions and passions? (this can also be designated to a minor as well)

2. What are my career goals? What is my desired path? How much work am I willing to do to get where I want to be? (associates, trade school, technical, bachelors, graduate school, doctoral, law, medical, accelerated programs, etc.. you’ll have to do research to consider...remember this isn’t set in stone and you can always change your mind!)

3. What are my backups if I do not like this major/career?

-> Now if you’re sure of yourself, you won’t really need this. A lot of times, though, we change our minds! It’s natural, we are all so young!

Consider your other interests and strengths! This may not be apparent until you’ve taken enough hours to know what other classes are like or until you hit a huge roadblock.

If you’re doing poorly in your major and/or you’re more unhappy than anything but find joy in another area and find that you’re considering other options, take that as a sign!!!

4. Am I choosing this major/career because of authority figures, income, friends, or because it “seems” cool? Have I romanticized how this career may look because of a show or movie without any research?

-> If the answer is yes, you will end up unhappy! Be careful with this. You want to do things for you and have concrete reasons.

5. Where do I want to go?

-> Consider this! Your school environment can make a huge impact on your studies, so choose a great school with impressive stats and well rounded social life.

Don’t forget you can take a gap year, go in undecided, go to community college, or speak to college advisors and counselors at the career center!

All is not lost no matter what.

Don’t forget to access videos on YouTube because there’s plenty of students and professionals that have resources to answer lingering questions visually, as well as educational articles. Read read read, attend lectures, talk to professors, take quizzes, and take internship or shadowing opportunities. With this, you’ll get a good feel of the job.

No matter what, good luck and I’m excited for you!

#college #advice

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tsuumu · 4 years

Text

hq boys and their part time jobs.

yet another unseries headcanon post made by yours truly! unlike my last one which you can find here, i won’t be involving every single major hq character so that’s just a heads up!! i can’t always envision stuff fully with every single person...

kageyama tobio: this boy thought that applying to work part-time at a sports shop would be fitting ‘cause of his love for volleyball, completely unaware that this would involve way too much social interaction and tolerance???? like he thought he’d just have to look like someone who does sports and occasionally restock yoga mats but these loud ass kids are coming up to him asking for this that and the other for sports he’s never heard of. suddenly he regrets the entire thing. plus, he has no idea how to use the cash register and it’s his worse nightmare to ring up items without wanting to stomp a hole into it to get the customer’s change.

hinata shoyo: shoyo went straight for the pet shelter because he’s in love with playing with the little puppies. this boy will full on roll around with them, stuff them under his shirt so their heads poke out and just.. intergrate and become one of them... the doggies love him so much n always clamber to sit on his lap because hinata treats them with so much love and kindness!! customers looking for pets often joke about taking him home bc he’s just as excitable and friendly as the actual dogs. he’s also really good at convincing people on the fence to get a pet and explaining their individual personalities because he knows them so well :(

nishinoya yuu: he said: supermarket assistant so he could ride around on the carts, intimidates literally every customer with his ungodly enthusiasm but is determined to help EVERYONE, he’ll run around the store taking people where they need to go but only if he actually remembers where they’re situated. otherwise this boy is like “yeah they’re just... that way.” and bolts in the other direction. gets along with all his colleagues and tells them all about his tournaments with karasuno. he’s not the star employee but it wouldn’t be the same w out him.. often asks the manager if he can taste test the market’s pastry section to which he is rejected every single time.

tanaka ryuu: he’s convinced working in his local gym was him in his element, he wears that tag thing like a badge of honour and just walks around showing people he works there instead of actually doing his job??? he’s also overly enthusiastic and will sometimes cheer on the people working out as if he’s some kind of zealous personal trainer and everybody is like “literally how old is this guy??” he’s surprisingly awesome at reception duty because he’s always chatting to regulars about how they’re doing... the practical side like schedules and paperwork he leaves for someone else, everyone just puts up with him bc he’s a mood setter.

sugawara koushi: don’t get me started on this boy as a teacher’s assistant, like he helps little kids out with their work, tidies up the class during their break times and reads them stories?? he’s THAT senior boy who’s the biggest sweetheart and seeing him handle kids so well is like ... does he want some of his own ?? i’d like to offer my expertise he’s always got a smile on his face, gets along with all the staff much older than him, he’s like this perfect boy they all dote on and he gets super flustered saying he just really likes helping out the children and making them smile. often brings them little snacks too and they all call him big brother BYE.

tsukkishima kei: he does some low-key shit that’s kinda wholesome like working with the eldery or tutoring kids but prefers for literally nobody to know about it because anything he does outside of school is his business. he does it because it’s good pay, there’s not much else to it. if anybody found out he’d be super irritated tbh it’s just an invasion of privacy to him but eventually wouldn’t care because every kid is getting part-time jobs these days.

oikawa tooru: bye he’s THAT guy who got his job at a retail store because he’s pretty. like he has no real interest in clothes or anything but he takes the job as a place to validate himself when girls come up to him purposefully to flirt. he’s winking and laughing with them and also NOT actually doing his job but he brings in customers so at least he’s somewhat useful. doesn’t know how to fold clothes or hang stuff on hangers properly for shit and everyone lowkey wants to kick his ass but he’s actually very friendly and outgoing even if he has no clue what he’s doing. keeps asking if bra sizes come in small, medium and large and everyone just tells him to shut up.

iwaizumi hajime: when picking a job he was like “well what am i good at?” and went from there. he ended up as the local pool’s weekend lifeguard because he had the qualifications and time. again, everyone his age just tries to hit on him and he’s annoyed because it distracts him from the actual purpose of his job. he takes it seriously and impresses his colleagues with his swimming talent and knowledge on first aid. iwaizumi lowkey scares the little kids and they’re kind of afraid to ask him for help so he’s been working on looking a little more friendly.

kuroo tetsurou: kuroo as a tennis instructor assistant or just something sporty other than volleyball because he’s a multi-talented king?? like he’s not a professional by any means but he helps out the youth club and gets along with kids a few years younger than him. fills in for refs at tournaments, makes sure equipment is safe to use and is SUPER good at cheering club goers up when they lose or fail or can’t seem to do it correctly. he often refers to his experiences as nekoma’s captain to relate to them and they really admire his resilience and ask him to tell them more stories!!

kenma kozume: had to be dragged out to do a part-time job. was absolutely against the thought of it until hinata mentioned a friend of his who’d moved to the prefecture near kenma got a job at this new game shop. he was like fine and applied. he just kinda sat and people asked him questions about the games but he refused to do any further socialisation or actual grunt work like shelving, he quit pretty soon after, he just wanted the money to buy a game he ended up purchasing on his way out lmaoo

bokuto koutarou: he was dead set on having a volleyball related job, fukurodani have a club for junior players from all over the city to come and practice together. he was like?!? “and nobody told me??” he’s perfect for it as the captain and ends up as a secondary coach. he shows off A LOT and like kuroo, encourages the kids when they’re down. except kuroo is a more sit down, hand on shoulder, casual talk kind of guy. bokuto gets ridiculously sentimental and tells them dramatically about his lowest memories as captain when fukurodani lost and the kids are genuinely as emotional because of he way he tells it??? idk but they love him and he’s a ball of passion that keeps them going.

akaashi keiji: we are talking pretty waiter at a local gormet restaurant that gets tipped SO MUCH for his true professionalism. knows how to handle every situation with ease and is super calm, doesn’t care at all if someone from his school is there. he’s really just chasing that bag and he’s doing it well. bokuto often picks him up after his shifts so they can do stuff together but akaashi requests it be something calming since he’s tired after work... bokuto is like,, “so no to rock-climbing? alright i’ll reschedule..” the other waiters lowkey HATE the fact he gets tipped so well and they try and figure out his secrets. he has none. he’s just good at his job. i could see kiyoko working a similar job or somewhere lowkey like a flourist or bakery. she’s equally as professional and admired.

ushijima wakatoshi: ANY JOB. give this man any job and he’ll be able to carry it out like he’s been doing it since he popped out the womb. often mistaken for a grown adult so he gets jobs pretty easily? very very professional and aims to do everything perfectly. i think he’d also prefer a vb related job just like bokuto but something that could really get him somewhere big, smth to do with olympics like a paid internship for them .. can you even intern for the olympics lmao?? maybe something for the japanese team. it’s a lot of work to balance school & intern life but he’s very comitted and knows it’ll benefit him in the future. (kageyama was fuming when he found out he could have done that instead of his current gig).

tendou satori: has a job he’s very under-qualified for but somehow pulls off. he’s chilling at the hospital or law firm three times a week after classes or somewhere ridiculous but he’s doing just fine!! doesn’t actually do professional work n helps with small things but it impresses the hell out of everybody he tells, has no interest in persuing those careers but it’s fun for him, he gets paid VERY well for a boy his age and his personality creates a nice, talkative atmosphere in these seemingly tense environments.

miya atsumu / osamu: they both work at a café for novelty because they’re these handsome, athletic twins and it’s a thing that brings people in. they do a lot of fan service stuff and osamu is EXCELLENT like he was made for this job but atsumu is awful at keeping his cool. osamu will be chatting up customers, trying to persuade them to order more and atsumu is having a heated tustle with the coffee machine that’s broken down for the third time that day and it really ruins the magic osamu is trying to create. atsumu has probably sworn loudly. has probably almost been fired. he’s bad at playing along and flirting because he literally just wants them to leave so he can sit down lmao. osamu uses the pastries in the café as inspiration for his own at-home baking fiascos because it’s a stress-reliving hobby.

terushima yuji: he’s that boy in shoe shops that tries to sell you sneakers and he knows literally everything about them even when you really didn’t ask... looking to hit on girls that come in because shoe knowledge is obviously very sexy! alternatively you might catch him in a tattoo shop or sumn real appearance based and he definitely remembers all the regulars and greets them like they’re close friends, we’re talking inside jokes. always seems to know what tattoo people are looking to get purely based on their appearance and initial impression...

the list of unemployed:

yachi: too scared to do ANY job that requires interaction, she’s plagued by it.

hoshiumi: fired for picking too many fights with customers.

kyotani: EVEN WORSE THAN HOSHIUMI though he was strangely very efficient at paperwork.

suna: quit on the first day because it wasn’t what he expected and he doesn’t care about money that much.

lev: his family are like.... rich?? n nobody really expected it but he’s like yeah i really do not need one of those lmao.

yamaguchi: broke things, spilt things, smashed things. he really was trying his best..

aone: intimidated customers too much so they let him go (he was just STANDING THERE.. he deserved better).

sakusa: local venues are filthy, ushijima got the internship spot, no other job interests him enough to persue.

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu #haikyuu fics #haikyuu x reader #akaashi headcanons #haikyuu headcanon #kageyama headcanons #hinata headcanons #oikawa headcanons #kuroo headcanons #hq #i’m lazy with tags lol #bokuto headcanons #ushijima headcanons #kenma headcanons #good enough

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chaotic-archaeologist · 3 years

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Hi Reid, so sorry to bother you but do you have any recommendations for a field school that pays the intern rather than the intern paying the field school? I’m trying to move out bc my parents are transphobic and I need to start saving up 🥺 thank you in advance!

Ugh I'm so sorry but unfortunately I do not. At my university the only people who got paid were the field director and the grad student TA. The intern was there because it would look good on grad school applications.

Unpaid internships in academicia are completely unethical.

I would reach out to people who are running some field schools (providing that any are operating this summer-- the one I was going to help with got cancelled due to covid-19) and ask for a paid position. Have a professional looking resumé with all of your qualifications.

If you've already completed a field school, you could also look into working for CRM companies. Those are a good way to get experience and get paid.

Best of luck,

-Reid

EDIT: I just realized that it was unclear if you've already completed a field school. If this would be your first one, I think it's highly unlikely that you would be paid. My advice above is if you've already done a field school and were looking to help out as an intern or TA.

#he speaks #he answers #archaeology advice #I promise you guys are never bothering me with questions like this

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elinaline · 4 years

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Got tagged by @mixmio thanks ! my brain does not want to focus on work these days so perfect

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

it’s like. black. I rarely use it though, because if I brush my hair it looks like a bomb exploded on my head fdjkfh so I untangle it after putting in conditioner and usually I just fight it with my bare hands in the morning

2. name of a food you never eat?

cucumber. fuck that vegetable it’s disgusting way too smelly and the texture is fucking horrible

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

too warm !!!!!! and it’s only gonna get worse (: woohoo

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was being anxious lmao, and weirdly emotional because of that playlist spotify gave me. Also thinking about how to formulate the things I want on my report for my precedent internship that I still need to conclude.

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

is it twix ? is it mars ? I never know the difference carambar good also

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

I used to be in the official orchestra of a professional rugby team so I’ve been to a few dozens official sports events actually !! I’ll always remember the patrouille the France oing over our head as we were playing for a France-Ireland match in Bordeaux, that was amazing, and Irish rugby fans are so fun :)

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

“oh it’s bubbling up !” talking about a cake I’m trying to do with sourdough starter

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

fucking uuuhhhhh blueberry ? there’s no better ice cream taste than one made from wild blueberries that you went out in the moutain to pick with your family after noticing a good spot during a hike :3

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

orange juice 5mins ago

10. do you like your wallet?

yeah ? it’s convenient I.... it’s got lots of pockets ? idk it’s sturdy wh. that’s a weird question actually

11. what was the last thing you ate?

lunch made by my roommate ! also a bit of the paste from aforementioned cake lol

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

no I don’t intend on buying new clothes until a loooonnnngggg time I don’t particularly need any plus like. quarantine lol.

13. last sporting event you watched?

uh.

the. no wait ? no that’s it probably bits of the tour de france last summer ?

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

there are different flavors between salt and sugar ???????????? anyways salted popcorn is absolutely disgusting so. sugar. there are different flavors ? what a wild world we live in

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

@breadstyx I was talking to them about the cake

16. ever go camping?

rarely

we were supposed to go camping this weekend, since it’s a long one what with May 8, with my class as sort of like one last big event altogether but :) fuck us I guess lol

17. do you take vitamins?

I used to in highschool bc I had toxoplasmosis and it fucking drained me. I’ve also taken some magnesium complements this year because I had vertigo caused by stress because it was such a nice year for me (: (: (:

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

LMAOOOOO NO

19. do you have a tan?

I’ve been stuck inside for the last two months and there is basically no direct sun in my apartment. so. I’m white as fuck rn

I’ll get SO sunburnt as soon as I can go outside lol but catch me rolling in the grass as soon as they reopen the parks, I haven’t seen grass in 52 days fuck off. Like knowing we’d get out of quarantine but that the parks would still be closed for a while did a funny number on my mental health hahaaaa

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

I’m not a big Chinese food fan generally :/ also what kind of pizza are we talking about ?

21. do you drink soda with a straw?

before I answer this question I need to know what you define as soda because I’ve never understood what non French people meant by that. also generally I don’t use straws apart for like milkshakes and smoothies

22. what colour socks do you wear?

right now I’m barefoot

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I haven’t driven in years my guy fdkfh but usually no I’m exactly at the speed limit I’m terrified of driving and I hate it SO

24. what terrifies you?

like, right now, or ? in general ? I’m terrified of every countries around slowly turning into authoritarian regimes and not being able to do shit, I’m terrified of the general mistrust towards science I can see in the general public, I’m terrified of the rise of fascism, I’m terrified of climate change in a very short term idea because I can’t bear many more summers above 45°C and in the long term because I’d like today’s kids to have a future, I’m terrified of never being enough and not getting a PhD funding, I’m terrified people will get bored of me or think I’m not useful anymore and leave me and I’d have to rebuild myself from zero again, I’m terrified of the general idea of losing control, I’m terrified of big empty spaces, I’m terrified of causing harm of any kind without being able to control or reduce it. You know the usual dose of existential fear and then some, and then some more for good measure haha :)

25. look to your left what do you see?

a calendar

26. what chore do you hate?

doing the dishes and getting the bin out because it hurts my back

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

":)” loved going to Melbourne would love to go back I miss my friend there

28. what’s your favourite soda?

seriously define soda first. If you mean drink with bubble I don’t like any of them basically. If you mean processed drink with an average of five sugar cubes per can I’d say Oasis ? or Ice Tea

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

never been to a drive through. fast foods yeah ! there used to be a Declercq (it’s like belgian fries, v good, v greasy, perfect for a friday night with friends) near my school but they had an oil fire so it burned down :( so now the alternative for greasy fries is BK

30. who was the last person you talked to?

@breadstyx whom I sent a message to about the cake. IRL I live with my roommate so.

t31. favourite cut of beef?

one that’s tender ? you think I know perfectly which cut is what and not that I don’t buy the cheapest one when I feel like polluting a lot with what I eat ?

32. last song you listened to?

I’m currently listening to a spotify playlist. I’s currently playing hang on

Willow tree by twin wild i’ve never heard of these guys but ok

33. last book you read?

oh fuck I’m in a “unable to read” period lmao. Probably one of the October Daye series uh. The one where her mom comes to steal her fiance and her twin

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihfedcba

took a while but I think it’s correct ? It’s like. I know sequences that are easy to invert and I need to link them together that’s the tricky part

35. how do you like your coffee?

black

36. favourite pair of shoes?

Before I bought my docks I had those huge bulgy shoes that I loved because no one could step on my feet in the metro, but the insole started caving in in a weird way and it hurt my ankle so I had to stop wearing them :(

37. the time you normally go to bed?

(: NORMALLY around midnight, but rn it’s more like. between 1 and 2 am when I’m not too bad

38. the time you normally wake up?

NORMALLY around 8 but I’ve decided 9.30 would be good, and I usually am able to get up only by 10am

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

I’m usually not awake for sunrises but both are good. I like the hour JUST after sunset best because it’s like. you can see daysky on one side and nightsky on the other, and everything is sort of blue or sort of orange

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

one

41. describe your kitchen plates?

they’re round and kinda concave so that food doesn’t get out ? I? do you have many weird questions like that

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I’m a sucker for a good piña colada but it’s hard to get them exactly right, like the balance between too sweet and too creamy is subtle

43. do you play cards?

in highschool I used to but I’ve forgotten all the game we’d do

44. what colour is your car?

don’t have one

45. can you change a tire?

lmao

46. your favourite province?

If we’re talking french region, Aquitaine is the closest I’ve ever felt to being home I guess ? I love the Pyrenées as well, all three old regions I don’t know the new ones fdfsdhfsdf

47. favourite job you’ve had?

I’ve only ever done summer camp counselor as a summer job, and I’ve had both a traumatising experience filled with sexual harassment and a really good experience that helpes me get more self confident so.

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

it’s not really a scar it’s a bump on my head that never left, I hit my brother in the garden pool at full speed when I was 7

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

afaik nothing but I’m about to put this cake to bake SO

I am tagging uuuuuuuuuhhh say @sunny-day-sky andddd @queerlynx but like. don’t feel pressured to do it, it’s a Lot

#tag game #long post

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shirosucc · 6 years

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hi lia ! i just got accepted into uni after spending like 2 solid years being terrified i wont even make it to this moment (wow fr still unbelievable) SO i wonder if u have any wisdom to share on the topic of not fucking up university ! i ask this because you are probably the most successful person i know in the fandom

THERE ARE SO SO SO MANY PPL IN THIS FANDOM WHO ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN ME. but congrats on getting accepted into uni babe i’m so happy for you!! i know how it feels to be terrified and stressed over college apps and i do Not miss that. i’m happy to offer some tips but keep in mind this is just what has worked for me, it might be different for everyone else! under the cut bc this got long accidentally oops...

if you’re going out of state, make yourself accessible.

don’t stress about making friends. it’ll happen, and it’s easy bc everyone is desperate to make friends their first month. keep your dorm door open, talk to people even if you’re tired of doing the “i’m ____ i’m from ____ and my major is ____” introduction and know you might not talk to them ever again, sit with strangers at meals, go out and have fun, sign up for as many clubs as you want. even for extroverts like me this is hard, but in the end it’s the far better option.

if you’re staying in state, branch out.

high school friends are great! but no one goes to college just to hang out with the same people for four more years. don’t keep yourself stuck in that bubble no matter how tempting it is. keep hanging out with them, but give yourself the opportunity to meet other people from different walks of life.

GO! TO! OFFICE! HOURS!

i’m begging you. it’ll save you so much pain. so much anguish. i promise you your professors are here to help you. they WANT to help you. and even if you don’t need help in the class it’s always a good idea to know your profs/TAs on a personal level. you’ll need recommendations, you’ll need people to be on your side, and just generally they tend to be super interesting people. think of it as a form of networking. i didn’t go to office hours at all my freshman year and really regret it! please don’t make my mistake!

don’t stress about grades too much.

GPA doesn’t matter much unless you’re applying to grad school and even then it’s not going to be the only factor evaluated in your application. if you need to drop a class, do it. if you need to just accept a lower grade than you might like in a class, just do it. you will be okay. at the same time, the first thing people said to me when i told them i was going to cornell was that i should get ready to get Cs in my classes. there’s nothing wrong with this, but don’t let people tell you it’s an inevitability. you have far more control over your grades than you might think. don’t stress.

[drake voice] know yourself................

it is totally possible to thrive in college no matter what your study habits are, but you have to be Aware of what kind of worker you are. like i’m a huge crammer. i wait until the last minute for everything and everyone told me that wouldn’t fly in college, but because i know how i Am i always have deadlines on my calendars, i know how much time to give myself, i know where and how i study best, and i’m no worse off than anyone who gives themselves twice that amount of time to study. it’s just about what works for You specifically and that may take some time to figure out, and that’s ok!!!

join as many clubs as you want, but pick one or two to that you’re passionate about to focus on.

socially, it’s a great way to branch out beyond your major/class year and get to know people with common interests. professionally, employers want to know Who You Are and going into college it’s likely that you won’t have much internship experience and having leadership positions in clubs is a very good substitute for that. work becomes so much easier and so much more worth it when it’s something that you are legitimately interested in and passionate about, and that always comes through to others.

don’t let yourself get caught up in what other people around you are doing.

it’s always gonna feel like the ppl around you are more successful, whether that be socially, academically, or professionally. but everyone has their own shit going on and it’s difficult you should try your best not to let anyone’s perceived success affect you. progress isn’t linear, there’s never just One correct path, sometimes you get to college and realize you actually hate the thing you Knew you wanted to study and thought you loved. setbacks are normal and the people who are flexible and self-aware end up far better off than the people who come into college thinking they’re set and that they know everything.

again this is just what works for me, and the type of advice i’d like to have heard coming into my freshman year. sorry this got long i hope you enjoy your first year of college and congrats on getting admitted, best of luck and lots of love!! 💞💞💞

#anonymous

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wannawrite · 6 years

Text

sweet crazy love [ pt.2 ]

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸🌺 type: bullet point - bc fic would be too long TW: blood, biting, fights, mention of PTSD, depression and psychiatry, supernatural experimentation - poison

blog navigator.

part two / two

part one

• vamp! AU • experiments don’t always work out…. and when they don’t, they go to the psychiatrist

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE!! Wishing you and your families a healthy, prosperous and fruitful year ahead. Also, HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY!!! hope all of you spent it well with your loved ones :”)

- Admin L

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything written here is purely fictional.

• ‘You look awful.’ The words spilt out of Minhyun’s mouth before he could stop them. The Tiffin he brought over began to unpack itself, settling into a nice arrangement in front or Seongwoo • ‘New power gained?’ He gestured to Minhyun aiming his fingers at each plate. • ‘yup. Discovered it while messing with Jaehwan’s shampoo yesterday.’ • for more vampire adventures with Minhyun and Jaehwan click here • Seongwoo felt slightly left out. He couldn’t drink real blood, depended mostly on human food and couldn’t build his powers up • ‘Did you go last night?’ Minhyun asked, handing Seongwoo a pair of chopsticks • shrugging and shoving rice into his mouth, Seongwoo directed Minhyun’s gaze to his veins that were coursing with blue coloured blood • ‘Asshole,’ Minhyun cursed. ‘I knew you shouldn’t have. He’s only testing more dangerous substances on you now.’ • Seongwoo’s recycling bin was overflowing with cartons of plasma juice • Minhyun nearly bumped into it and knocked it all over • ‘You need a new shipment.’ • ‘That I do,’ Seongwoo agreed whole-heartedly. He munched on his lunch while Minhyun dialled the supplier, The Middleman. • ‘I need a favour.’ • Seongwoo broke the silence, looking hopefully at his friend. • ‘Depends....’ • Minhyun looked slightly flustered and panicked, his mind working hard to figure out what Seongwoo could possibly need help with. • It seemed that his friend had a split second of deep thinking and consideration. Minhyun already knew he would agree with Seongwoo’s idea • ‘we need to expose Doc.’ • #Docisoverparty • ‘Dad?’ you called out into the darkness, pushing open your front door. ‘Dad I’m home. Mum?’ • ah, what the hell, Mum won’t be back so early from work. • Dad said he would be in though...but the house is drenched in darkness, not even the night lights are on • you had been meaning to come home for the weekend to tell your parents about your exciting internship, even though your father mentioned that he had the night off, no one seemed to be around • leaving the living room lights turned on, you ventured up the stairs to where your Dad’s study lay • usually, it would be padlocked - for no apparent reason - yet today, the door was ajar, light streaming out from the gap • you supposed your father was inside, probably hidden away in his material to notice your arrival • just as you were about to knock the door, your dad appeared. His eyes widened, startled by you. • ‘oh! hi dear.’ The sound of the heavy wooden door slammed echoed off the walls. ‘Didn’t see you coming in. I was just finishing up for the night.’ • your eyes rolled far back. ‘That’s what you constantly say and Mum will find you still working when she gets back at 11pm.’ • ‘see, this is why you’re such a huge inspiration to me Dad, you always work hard.’ • a look of guilt crossed your dad’s face before it diffused and was replaced by a contented smile • ‘enough about me, I’m anticipating hearing all about your internship over dinner! Follow me.’ • you walked down the staircase after your dad. Somehow, your heart seemed heavy and your feet seemed to want to lead you to whatever lay behind those birchwood doors • never once had any family member stepped foot into your father’s study • of course, when you and your cousins were children, he kept it locked, going on and on about how there were many dangerous types of equipment inside • it was for your safety • yet here you were, on the brink of graduating and becoming a doctor yourself, still kept in the dark of what Dad really did in there • strange • there was a stab in your chest, willing you to find out what kind of medicine he kept in his study • wow don’t we just love thickening plots I can’t believe I’m writing a BULLET POINT on this....it would be a two-part scenario if I was on holiday :”) • ‘When I said get help, I didn’t mean call every single one of our brothers....’ Seongwoo muttered to Minhyun in a hushed tone, looking out at his crowded living room, his blood brothers filling the place • ‘Oh come on.’ Minhyun smiled charmingly. ‘It was due time for a family gathering anyway. I still have yet to call the rest of them..... Besides, we’re going to need all the help we can get.’ • Seongwoo shot his best friend an unamused look, biting down hard on his lower lip. • ‘You really think exposing Doctor’s work to his family is going to be an easy feat? We may have natural-born abilities but they have technology on their side.’ • he let out a won-over sigh, nodding in agreement. ‘Well, everyone’s here already, what are we waiting for?’ • Minhyun’s lips stretched into a cheery smile. ‘Nightfall, my dear brother.’ • *NIGHT FALLS* • Dad: I’ll be at the office late tonight. Eat dinner without me. I’ll make sure your mother gets home sooner to accompany you • at that moment, you wanted nothing more than to throw your phone against the wall. • you were back for the weekend and although your parents claimed to miss you, they weren’t the best at showing it • yes, work was hard but couldn’t they spend more time with their child? • haven’t been to Dad’s work in a while,,,I should surprise him with dinner • perfect! • so you got pizza, called and Uber and rolled down to your dad’s office • an institute called Jowa Medical and Science Research Facility • I’m so uncreative rip • ‘Hi, I’m Dr ____’s family member. May I know which office he’s in right now?’ You asked the front desk cheerily • the man sitting behind wore a mask, but he was clearly grinning behind it. ‘Just a moment please.’ • hmm probably a newbie or intern • his name tag read Lee Daehwi • ‘ahh, he would be working right now in the Biomedical Research block. I’ll get someone to lead you to his office.’ • then, he proceeded to make a phone call, all too happily if you were serious • next, a man came to escort you. He too looked young and bright. • Name tag: Lai Guanlin • ‘hmm that’s as far as I can take you, follow my Professor, he’s better at negotiating with your dad.’ • again, something seemed...off with the teeth of these people • ‘you’ll need this.’ A man whose security pass read Park Jihoon handed you a white coat. ‘There are a lot of hazardous chemicals in the research facilities.’ • bye bye pizza you left in the hands of Lai Guanlin • who would devour the entire box by himself in a few seconds • everything seemed a little out of place today • uh...isn’t security a bit lax? • who are all these new young doctors? • whatever • can’t get killed anyway can I? • walking down a dim and silent corridor with an unfamiliar professor was something you didn’t plan on doing • ‘oh,’ he said, approaching what seemed to be a laboratory. ‘Looks like Dr _____ is in the middle of an important procedure.’ • he pointed to the flashing red light outside the door • ‘you’re welcome to wait in the observation room though.’ • huh? • wordlessly and with your heart HAMMERING against your chest, you followed him into a room next to the lab. It seemed to be separated by only a black screen. You figured it was meant for students to watch without distracting the professionals • WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE • at the same time, it was thrilling to see your Dad working • however, his laboratory seemed a tad bit peculiar as well • there were jars and jars stamped with ‘TOXIC’ labels, everything seemed to be kept in pristine condition and carefully placed • many items seemed unfitting for a science lab. Explain the weird dentist reclining chair and were those torture devices ??? • what the hell? • Jihoon could hear all your thoughts and he was sending messages to all of his friends • vampires in clean white coats boasting stethoscopes were not a sight to be seen everyday • THERE WAS SOMEONE SITTING IN THE RECLINING CHAIR • ‘hey, isn’t that a person?’ you whispered to Jihoon. ‘Professor, is he okay? What is my dad going to do?’ • Professor Park kept silent and gestured for you to keep watching the procedure • every single cell in your body was telling you to leave • get out • but your eyes were trained on your father, hunched over a counter, drawing a strange orange liquid from a bottle reading ‘POSION’ • the syringe was the perfect size for a flu injection • but POISON? • ‘Professor Park! He’s going to poison that man! He’s going to kill him!’ You screeched, unable to believe whatever you were seeing. Your heart reeled, head spun. It felt as if someone had cracked your heart opened, maybe your brain • jihoon didn’t dare to say a word. • ‘STOP! DAD, STOP!’ • hmm, soundproofing was good down here • suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you caught a digitalised screen with information written on it • it looked like a data document of some sort • Name of experiment: OSW • Supernatural type: Higher Vampire • what? • what the hell? • was this some kind of sick joke your Dad arranged? • what hidden camera show were you on? Candid Camera? • Drug Dose: 37ml of Ricin • ‘DAD, STOP! YOU’LL KILL HIM! HE’LL DIE!’ • by now, tears were flowing and gushing down your face. Your brain throbbed like blood flow had been paused, your chest ached. Ragged breaths began to replace your normal intake of oxygen • ‘HE’S GOING TO DIE!’ • the last thing you remember was the needle being stabbed into the man’s arm and the screen flashing red to read • Victim: ONG SEONGWOO, 122, HV • night night • Results: OSW has survived, heartbeat detected • when you woke up, you were still in your dad’s office, just in the medical side now • in an A class ward to be specific • but you were convinced it wasn’t any of your family members who put you here • Seongwoo was comfortably seated in one of the armchairs, flipping through the newspapers • he had a small bandage over his upper arm; proving that he had in fact gotten Ricin injected into his blood stream • and he survived from it...which next confirms the fact that he was a higher vampire • ‘Wakey wakey,’ Seongwoo chimes like an angel. • he’s far from it • ‘how are you alive? I saw my dad inject Ricin into your blood stream. Am I hallucinating?’ • A chuckle leaves his lips as the door opens and someone else slips into the room • ‘Hyung, Doc’s gone now. We’ve made sure of that,’ the voice announced. • ‘Thanks, Jinyoung.’ • you glared at Seongwoo as Jinyoung slipped out of the room. ‘What do you mean by gone?’ • ‘I mean, back home, safe and sound. He assumes you’re back in your dorm by now.’ • this didn’t seem like a man who just recovered from fatal poisoning • ‘You want to know what you father cooks up in his lab? Follow me.’ • it looked like you didn’t have a choice not to • never did you imagine the first time coming into contact with your dad’s work would be with a vampire and behind foreign doors • and breaking into a medical institutions well-guarded and somewhat hidden experiment laboratory • the lab smelled of burnt Sulfur, maybe hints of silver and wolfsbane. Jars stacked on tall shelves were filled with murky liquids and gooey objects sticking out of them • you shivered at the mere thought of it all • ‘your dad,’ Seongwoo began cautiously. ‘Likes to hunt and experiment on the supernatural.’ • I must be absolutely bonkers by now. • ‘I’m just one of the few living specimens he got his hands on.’ Seongwoo caresses a manila envelope tucked under a black binder • ‘There’s a whole list. Most of the higher vampires are my family.’ • my dad? supernatural? destroying someone else’s life? • doesn’t sound like it • ‘That’s impossible,’ you scoff in disbelief. ‘Supernatural don’t exist. You’re mocking me, Seongwoo.’ • you regret turning around to face him because he changed from a college kid Seongwoo to a bloodsucker within a matter of seconds • his fangs elongated, his eyes a crimson vermillion • ‘ugh, I need another plasma juice box.’ • you fought giggles. It was hard to keep a serious composure after seeing your batch mate glow in his true form and then sipping from a tiny carton of juice that resembled the ones your baby cousins drank from • ‘anyway, my point is that your dad has been testing on me and the side effects are so severe that I have to see Dr Im and down plasma juice by the shipments.’ • ‘uh, real blood would mess up his test results and he would beat me up with one of his torture devices,’ Seongwoo answered your unspoken question • ‘I just can’t believe any of it...’ • who could • my ass would have zayned right away good bye zai jian • ‘give me a week....’ • black water melded to fill your pools of vision • *a week and many messy thoughts later* • shrieking was the first thing Seongwoo’s ultra-sensitive hearing picked up when he entered Dr Im’s clinic for the third session • the voice was distinctly yours so he decided it would be good to tune in • ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEW AND NEVER TOLD ME! DR IM!’ • ‘I HAVE TO HELP HIM! I’VE KNOWN HIM SINCE HIGH SCHOOL EVEN THOUGH HE HATED ME BECAUSE HE KNEW I WAS PART OF MY DAD’S FAMILY! IT STILL HURTS.’ • ‘I can’t let him just waste away like this.....’ • ‘I just can’t....I’ll never forgive myself if I do.’ • by the way, the screaming and throwing of tissue boxes was enough for Seongwoo’s ears to hurt but he was happy he caught your exclamations • you care about him :D • how cute • WAIT NO I CAN’T BE CATCHING FEELINGS • eveN IF THEY FAINTED IN MY ARMS I CAN’T • Minhyun shoots him a smug smirk • ‘oh shut up.’ • ‘never said anything.’ • ‘IT’S CALLED AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!’ • ‘Dr Im is ready to see yo- SEONGWOO NO YOU CAN’T STRANGLE MINHYUN HERE.’ • *break bc i won’t really touch on the sessions* • from then on, Seongwoo tried as much to avoid your father and you tried to occupy your dad’s time • making excuses for family outings • hiding and throwing away his syringes • calling his work to turf him out of there early so that Seongwoo wouldn’t have to face anymore poison • it was a hard feat to convince him to stay away • because for every session he attended, he was sparing a life of his family member • your dad threatened to harm an Ong if Seongwoo didn’t comply by the rules • there was always a different excuse you had to cook up to get your dad home and out of his study • once, you even went to the extreme of changing the padlock on the door by stealing the key from your dad’s briefcase • you made about a 100 carbon copies before changing the lock back before he noticed • you just NEEDED Seongwoo to be safe and sound • the odd case he did go for an appointment, you would have to attend to a half-dead looking Seongwoo at 2am on the middle of your dining table • ‘sorry for the lack of operation table, I’m a psychology student.’ • sometimes, you had to rip away parts of his shirt to access whatever wound or vein affected • you lost count of the number of times colour suffused into your face • or the number of times you threatened to stab Seongwoo with a scalpel whenever he teased or complimented your blush in his drugged state • you wished you could dose him with anaesthetic so that he would shut up • Seongwoo was too playful for his own good • he just liked to tease and joke a lot, especially under the influence of whatever your dad was dosing him with • ‘you’re so cuteeeee when you blush. I love it.’ • and he would pout sulkily when you don’t respond • ‘are you ignoring meeee? Don’t you have feelings for meeeeeee?’ • annoying vamp • you would tell him to keep quiet unless he wanted a dead vein • catering to his supernatural needs was another thing • hiding a stack of plasma fruit juice under your bed was a different affair altogether • you also had to receive shady shipments in the middle of the morning so that none of your flatmates would get suspicious • they were like family to you but you would get suspicious if something with the label of ‘100% REAL PLASMA JUICE’ appeared at your doorstep • there was also an unholy amount of poison reversals stashed in your locked drawer • hmm your friends in the medical sector were beginning to get suspicious • all you needed to do was call a vampire over, hypnotise them, get your goods and hack into the security system to remove any footage • damn aren’t you glad you have royal and senior vampires like Yoon Jisung on your side to help with that? • ‘shut up Guanlin all you did was carry the bags of medicine and eat my pizza.’ • you often complained about Seongwoo’s younger brothers but they were an added joy in your life • ‘JINYOUNG I SAID PUT THAT SYRINGE DOWN NOW.’ • what a pain • sometimes Seongwoo would murmur incoherently in his dozy state and all you could catch were things along the lines of ‘pretty’, ‘I want to go to The Middleman’, ‘I want to kiss someone’ • uh yeah which made you a tad bit pissed off and receptive • ‘seongwoo, you better shut up before I stab you with this anaesthetic.’ • what are your feelings? • it’s like you hate him but you can’t seem to stop loving him? • it gets really intimate since you see him every single day and most of the time it is when he’s at his most vulnerable ??? • sessions with Dr Im • late night therapy while you’re fixing him up • texting him that you got your dad fixated on something else for that time • texting him to ask if he’s been taking the prescribed pills • you just...suddenly found yourself gaining a close friend and maybe some new feelings • why not? • seongwoo was dangerous, sometimes annoyingly loud and cocky with a devilish glare yet he was funny, playful, open with you and genuine • every night you got your dad’s tools away from him, there was a cup of your regular order from the cafe you first met waiting for you at Dr Im’s office • she wouldn’t say who brought it >:( oh ho ho but you knew all too well • he was TOO KIND for his own good • even if he was a jerk sometimes haha • you just started to like him...more than a friend • so when he started saying stuff like that, you just felt like crying and stabbing him with a needless syringe • like why? aren’t I the one who is always holding you close and protecting you? Isn’t it my apartment you run to? Why? • it’s just super pressing and irritating, heart-wrenching even • who was the one printing out his lecture notes and delivering them to his dorm? who was it tracking his mental health progress? • one night, Seongwoo texted you to open the door,,,even when you knew there wasn’t anything scheduled • he just stumbled into your arms the moment you peeled open the door. • hmm no traces of alcohol • ‘babeee,’ Seongwoo drawled out, completely oblivious to the words that came out of his mouth. ‘Guess what?’ • ‘I don’t want to. I’m calling Minhyun, just hang in there.’ • I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS • ‘I got my first taste of real blood. It was from a blood bag of course and it was from an animal, I think I’m allergic to human blood.’ He suddenly frowns. ‘Besides, I won’t want to upset youuu.’ • oh god is he tipsy because all he’s been living on are these fruit juices • ‘why not?’ you challenge, your fingers stop punching in Minhyun’s contact • Seongwoo wraps his arms around your shoulders with a giddy smile on his face. ‘I looove you! I do! Ever since graduation when you found out my secret but never told anyone.’ • your cheeks redden and you send Seongwoo straight to your bed, tucking him in tightly so he can’t escape • he’s worse on blood than on poison...what is this logic? • ‘nooo!’ he whines, grabbing your wrist. ‘Don’t leave me. You’ve never have and you won’t now....will you?’ • oh man look at this baby even his fangs are beginning to show someone help him • you’re helpless against his iron-grip so you settle with him, cuddling until he shuts his eyes • phew, I can leave to call Minhyun now • ‘I also like you...’ • huh ??? • there’s a yearning in your heart, you want to know why • so you grab his hand and stick by his side • like you always have • ‘You’ve always been there for me. No matter what. Even though I’m technically not supposed to exist at all.....’ • your heart melts into a puddle, you can’t handle all your pent-up emotions • ‘I told Minhyun I would marry you when we’re ready....’ • SLEEP TALK IS THE BEST TALK • are you crying or are you crying? • ‘w-when w-we were young....we swore that we would marry the person who was there for us even in the most difficult of situations.....’ • SOB SOB SOB • IDK WHY MY EYES ARE SWEATING RN • SEONGWOO STOP • ‘you helped me so much.....’ • he gets sleepier and sleepier, dozing off into oblivion • a small smile stretches across his face when you kiss his forehead and run a hand through his hair • WHO WOULDN’T • ‘you are here for me even when the night falls.’ • and he’s out • you can’t comprehend it now, perhaps not ever • it’s just his secret love that’s bloody sweet and would drive anyone else but you absolutely crazy • okay this isn’t meant to be dark or anything like that and I spent a whole WEEK on this no joke I’m crying • but basically, we should accept and love each other’s flaws and differences • I don’t believe supernatural exist in real life so please don’t be scammed friends ahaa • see y’all next week! • 💖💕💓

#wanna one #produce 101 #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 scenarios #ong seongwoo

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toridomi · 6 years

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What program do you use for animation and art in general? And would you recomment Pratt as a college? Its in my state and I'm considering it but I'm debating over Pratt and FIT. You're the only person I ever met ftom Pratt and your opinion would very much be appreciated. Thank you

i currently use krita almost exclusively for art and animation! Occassionally (usually for text formatting or if im being really particular about some final touches) ill use photoshop (CS5) but krita is free and does illustration and animation very well! its perfect for practicing, as it works more like photoshop or SAI than flash. Im trained in flash and toon boom, and while flash can handle some things better (and youd prob learn at school) I prefer to use krita when i can (which isn’t a lot these days as i dont do much animation). Flash is industry standard, but youd prob learn it wherever u go if you take any animation 1 and/or 2 class. Pratt is...strange. They were updating their animation program a bit while and after i was there, so i dont know how much better it is nowadays, but it was kind of a beuracratic mess, particularly with the animation major i was in. The head of the department is NOT a film a or animation professional (he was an ‘interactive’ silk screen printing fine artist or something???) and that made things Very Fine Artsy and difficult to communicate with him our needs as animation students. We kinda got shoved to the side bc we were part of the film department (and not COMD which houses Pratts faves; illustration & graphic design & industrial design). We didn’t get first dibs on a ton of electives (COMD got first picks) and thus missed out on a lot of good profs and classes. COMD also got more help (note: could still get more help but better than what we got which was: “We have an animation Program?”) from Pratt’s job placement resources, and had more options in terms of paid internships and opportunities within the city.Pratt isn’t bad, the facilities and location and people are amazing. Their professors are a mixed bag, but if you pay close attention to your scheduling and options it can be a really positive experience. I can’t wholeheartedly recommend the animation program - but there’s not many animation programs i know of outside of calarts (which has its own mess of issues) I’d wholly recommend either. SVA is slightly better than pratt’s program, as its been around longer and has a bit more clout, and allows/encourages students to collaborate for thesis (also it’s in manhattan), but has its own issues. Pratt strongly discourages collaboration (BAD BAD BAD) and that makes thesis/senior year kind of hellish.Pratt’s illustration program is very good, and honestly If i could do things over again, would probably major in illustration and take animation courses as electives, and be active in the animation club and make friends with the animation students through that. I think a lot of the things learned in their illustration program; composition, theming, technique, sequential art, etc; transfer EXTREMELY well to animation, and were nearly entirely absent from pratt’s animation program (which emphasized purely the technical ability to animate, which was exhausting, and completely impractical to finding work in animation after school, which is mostly storyboarding) Hope this helped at all! IDK much about FIT; my friend took some classes there and absolutely hated it, but i dont remember many specifics. I know a great deal of amazing folk who graduated from SVA and Pratt and are doing well! So even with my negative experience, it’s much more what you do with it than the programs themselves. Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to know! And feel free to keep me updated or need anymore animation advice and junk! this goes for anyone:3!Here’s a post i made a couple years ago with some starting advice, sorry for allt he broken linkks but i dont have them anymore 8 A 8 but could help! Good luck!! https://toridomi.tumblr.com/post/148595109975/do-you-have-any-advice-for-people-who-want-to-get

#Anonymous

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rendezvous-ramblings · 3 years

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This isn’t tc related but I was hoping to get your opinion. I finished undergrad last spring and have been looking for a “respectable” job for a year. I finally got an office job that I started this month but my boss is very unsupportive and her behavior has discouraged me from asking questions and she doesn’t always help me in dealing with our clients when I can’t find an answer. However, it’s a completely new industry for me so I need to ask questions to be able to do my job. Last Friday, I ended up getting so frustrated that I almost quit in the middle of the day and ended up crying in the bathroom (out of frustration). My position is available at the corporate location. Idk if I should try to transfer to corporate and gain more experience or look for a new job completely, away from this industry bc I dont even want to build a career here, nor does it interest me. I have anxiety and imposter syndrome so it stressed me out thinking about leaving with only 2 weeks in but the work environment is unhealthy for me. I haven’t eaten these 2 weeks I’ve worked bc I literally don’t have time at work and I’m always interacting with clients so eating at the desk is difficult/seems unprofessional to me. I just wanted to get your opinion, seeing as you are my age. Thank you.

Hi,

I'm always open to non-tc related asks so no worries! I'm sorry you've been having such a horrible time at your new job. I can relate because I graduated in the spring of last year too. I didn't face the same kind of disrespect like you did but I can empathize with the imposter syndrome and anxiety. The professors in my doctoral program seemed nonchalant and uncaring. One of them kept actively picking on me during class for questions so it was difficult being the youngest among all the students. It was the unhappiest point in my life even though I only had to last until mid-semester to transfer without repercussions. Even though I was getting As I felt lost and inadequate. I quickly learned this path was just not a good fit for me. Whatever you do don't label yourself as a failure but instead take this as a learning experience. Life will have many more of these moments in varying degrees of difficulty. I've been told it's braver to walk away from something because often times people try to "stick it out" regardless of how much it's hurting them.

For your situation, I would definitely try to leave your current position as professionally as possible. Put in your two weeks notice if you feel like you absolutely cannot stay any longer. Try to reason with yourself and prioritize your mental and emotional health first. List out all the pros and cons of leaving before making your final decision as well as steps/options moving forward.

If you need financial/job security and you feel like you can hold out a bit longer maybe interview with other places and try to secure a new job before leaving this one. If you're in the U.S. and able to file for unemployment perhaps try that if you need to leave prematurely without a back up job. Just make sure all your future finances are in order before you quit. If you act too quickly future difficulties might worsen your mental and emotional health. It's even okay if you find a temporary job that might be unrelated to your degree as you interview and bide your time for the next job opening. I even found an unrelated part time job to my field after quitting my doctoral and I'm still working there now to cover my new tuition! Don't punch yourself for not finding a "respectable job" given the current economic climate of the pandemic. I feel fortunate to have this extra income source given the circumstances of the job market right now. You need to find ways to build yourself back up. Reach out to former professors, mentors, bosses from internships, or teachers if you need advice. I did even though that was very out of character of me! You can also use friends to vent to or maybe someone can help you network if they heard somewhere else is looking for employees. You don't have to go through this alone and hearing them out can help alleviate the imposter syndrome and help you rebuild confidence and clairity.

I hope this helped and I wish you best of luck! Be kind to yourself in the meanwhile and prioritize yourself! 💛

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jennymusictherapy-blog · 6 years

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3 Things About Being A Music Therapist That Others Don’t Tell You About

1) It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to become a board-certified music therapist.

“The education of a music therapist is unique among college degree programs because it not only allows a thorough study of music, but encourages examination of one’s self as well as others.” -American Music Therapy Association (AMTA).

Although the required coursework vary from school to school, completing my music therapy requirements at Berklee College of Music was challenging. Every semester I had an average of 8 courses/semester (Berklee goes by semesters, not years) and each class consisted of 1-2 credits, at most 3. These classes included music theory, arranging, conducting, ear training, music technology, psychology, private lessons, ensemble, music therapy, development seminars, electives, and general studies. Courses specific to music therapy included 5 levels of supervised practicum fieldwork in facilities that served individuals with disabilities in the community. I was assigned to work at a school setting with children diagnosed with cerebral palsy for my first practicum, and this was my first direct hands-on client experience with music therapy. I was then placed at a nursing home for my second practicum that focused on geriatrics in which I served groups of elderly who were diagnosed with depression and Alzheimer’s disease. Then I got to work with homeless women in my next practicum, adults with developmental disabilities in the one after that, and children and babies in intensive care units during my final practicum at Boston Children’s Hospital. Courses in addition to each practicum focused on specific areas, such as P1 (practicum 1) in Special Education, P2 in Geriatrics, P3 in Research, P4 in Psychiatry, and P5 in Medicine. Although you’re required to work for about 7-8 weeks at your chosen facility (1-2hrs once a week) and that may not seem like much, having to balance studying, completing research, doing homework assignments, practicing instruments, preparing for concert recitals, recording music, attending meetings, memorizing songs, and overall figuring out my life as both a musician and a music therapist was very challenging. Although my main focus was music therapy, I still needed to focus on vocal performance as I was graded for my musical skills, not just for my clinical work. There are numerous amounts of documentation and clinical writing involved as well, and each practicum is paired with courses related to what you’re learning and dealing with in that specific practicum. Music therapy courses at Berklee require not only sitting at your desk listening to lectures, finishing up tasks and passing exams, but they require active participation such as public speaking, group work, role playing, advocating, and playing instruments. In other words, it’s about practicing and developing skill through action than just having mere knowledge about each course. Meditation and self-care practices are also taken place inside classrooms where you get to be in an open and vulnerable space with others, tap into your own personal thoughts, emotions and feelings, and focus on self-awareness and awareness of others. There is a lot of individual attention that you get from professors who have high expectations of their students (Berklee’s student-teacher ratio- 11:1), and because I got to learn in such small, inclusive classroom environments with direct patient contact at fieldwork, I grew massively in my musical and clinical knowledge and abilities. Because I was pushed to actively participate and throw myself into uncomfortable situations, I’ve grown immensely through my learning. It’s great that we get to apply what we learned in class directly into practice at our practicum sites and receive feedback from our supervisors on site who are also professional music therapists. Classrooms feel like workshops, and practicums feel like small unpaid internships. It’s challenging to be seen and trained as a musician, professional, and therapist inside classrooms when we’re still students and sometimes don’t feel mature enough to handle the ups and downs of social and emotional experiences throughout the whole process. But real growth happens when you’re out of your comfort zone and that’s how Berklee was like for me and for many others who are currently music therapy students. We are constantly pushed to feel uncomfortable in our learning.

Then after you’ve completed all of your training at school which usually takes about 4.5-5 years, you graduate (hurray!) and then go search for an internship to receive your degree. This is the last step you need to complete before receiving your official diploma and becoming a professional music therapist. My internship took place at Children’s Hospital of Orange County (CHOC) in which I worked 40 hours/week, unpaid, for 6 months. Although there are some paid music therapy internships, most are not and require you to work 6-9 months depending on the site. Then once you complete your internship, you are finally eligible to sit in for the certification exam. Once you pass the exam, you are finally acquired the credential Music Therapist-Board Certified (MT-BC).

2) Therapy > Music.

I say music therapy is 70% therapy and 30% music. We are using music as a tool to reach non-musical goals. So it’s not just about performing and entertaining patients/clients and wowing them through your musical skills, it’s about using music purposefully and intentionally through the connection and relationship you build with your patients/clients to help them reach their goals. We do music WITH the patient, not just TO the patient. It doesn’t mean you have them to follow you, you adapt yourself to follow them. This is also the main difference between music education and music therapy- while music education focuses on musical knowledge and skills that follows a standard, rigid curriculum with no adaptations to meet the patient’s specific needs, music therapy adapts the music to meet each patient’s specific goals and needs. Music therapists are trained to see the needs of patients with disabilities and special needs on a deeper level, and therefore know how to use effective strategies to target those specific needs through music. Here is an example I can provide from my internship- I’ve worked with several cancer patients at CHOC and at the time, many were undergoing stem cell transplants and chemotherapy. Going through treatment can be extremely stressful and scary for kids, especially when their family isn’t around to keep them company through challenging times. Kids need to be in supportive environments where there is structure, autonomy/independence, and relationship support. In order to target these three elements, my main goals for music therapy were to provide structured and predictable environments, increase their autonomy and control, and build rapport. To provide structure, I used familiar music for predictability and songwriting scripts; for autonomy support, I allowed patients to make their own choices about lyrics, melody, how they wanted the song to sound like; and for relationship support, I focused on building rapport through discussing about the content of the song, brainstorming ideas together, and interacting throughout the overall songwriting process. Providing specific music interventions that are tailored to their experiences helps create a safe space and allows them to drive benefit from music and be successful in therapy. So music therapy isn’t just focusing on the musical elements- rhythm, melody, harmony, timbre, pitch, dynamics- but it’s focusing on the musical elements to be used clinically in purposeful ways. It’s more about the interaction, the connection with the patient/client rather than the music itself. Because our main focus is therapy, music therapists utilize a variety of methods and don’t necessarily have a traditional, fixed way of doing things when providing music and playing instruments. I’ve used the back of my guitar as a drum once, the side of my guitar as a slide for stuffed animals, boomwhackers to slide eggs through the tube rather than whacking them on hard surfaces to make sounds (which is how you would “normally” play it), the back of a floor drum as a pot to cook pretend soup with kids, xylophone blocks as cake for dessert, a drum mallet to strum the guitar, and I can name other ways where I’ve used music creatively, thinking outside the box for patients. You have to think what are the GOALS you’re trying to reach, and how are you using music as a TOOL to reach those goals? Music therapists use music both traditionally and non-traditionally to reach non-musical goals. Unlike a traditional music educator who plays guitar to teach students how to strum and has everyone to follow, music therapists could use a guitar to teach how to strum, use it for play using toys, move it around in different positions and be flexible with the overall use of the instrument that follows the patient and their response to music. Music therapists are aware of how to utilize music to engage and target specific needs of individuals from the moment-to-moment experience.

3) You never know what to expect as a music therapist.

There are no fixed answers to anything. We need to let go of expectations and assumptions about various situations and circumstances, especially during sessions. I remember my supervisor who is a board-certified music therapist with almost 20 years of experience with music therapy, telling me he still gets nervous to this day walking into patient rooms, because it is a new experience for him each time. It is crucial that we remain open to whatever happens, to lean onto discomfort, to let go of the need to control and to simply go with the flow. I had one patient at CHOC where, when I went to check-in to ask if he was in the mood for some music, he responded with an enthusiastic “yes!” and gave me a huge smile. He seemed to be feeling a lot better than the last time I saw him when he was undergoing chemotherapy, so I got excited and started thinking to myself what songs would be good for him and which instruments I could use for those songs. I told him I’d be right back with my instruments which only took 5 minutes and walked right back to his room, only to see he was now crying after his mom refused to feed him chicken nuggets. He was not allowed to eat before his procedure, and he looked at me and shook his head. I had no choice but to put aside the session plan I had for him and adjust myself fully to that moment. I decided to pull out an ocean drum and strum relaxing chords on my guitar to provide relaxation and calm his emotions, and matched my humming to my guitar. I had no idea how the session was going to go after that and what to expect out of it, but I trusted my gut in that moment and decided that that was what was best for him. Then the next day, I walked into his room again to see he was feeling a lot better and was bursting with energy throughout the session so I matched myself to his energy level and provided that high stim he needed. Being a music therapist means you’re constantly having to deal with fluctuations (fluctuating referral calls, fluctuating moods of patients and families, fluctuating health conditions) and overall spontaneity- so it’s crucial that music therapists are flexible, open-minded, and adaptable to various circumstances. The only things to expect as music therapists are to expect the unexpected, expect discomfort, and expect the unknown.

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