#and i regret not just retaking the stupid class where i could just easily walk to school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes

After your mom and dad were dead, you promised yourself that you won't get attached anymore. They were the only people you trusted except Commander Erwin. You joined the training camp at the age of 16 in hopes for becoming a Survey Corp soldier like your mentor, Commander Erwin. You knew that your parents would've been proud of you if you gave your life up for humanity like they did.

You were made to stand in a line while Ex Commander and now, Instructor of the trainee corps, Shadis was giving a speech about how hard training could be. You weren’t paying much attention because you knew how hard it could get. You got personal training from Commander Erwin anyway. You were told that you would do a training exercise where you would balance on two ropes so that you can use the 3DMG. You personally were looking forward to this as that's the only thing Erwin didn't teach you and you liked learning new things. You easily balanced on the ropes like most of the cadets. You noticed this other girl with black hair who was really good at this too. You assumed that maybe getting to know her won't be a bad idea. There was only one person who fell face down on the ropes. The instructor shouted at him and dismissed everyone.

That night, the guy who fell down talked about seeing titans. Apparantly his mother was eaten by one. You got bored when he started talking about how he wanted revenge and told him, "Would revenge really bring your mother back? It's pointless to think about revenge when you get nothing out of it. If you want to kill titans, do it for humanity. That's the reason I'm here." The boy got all mad and said "You wouldn't understand how it feels to see your mother getting killed!". That's when this other guy said something that made you regret talking at all. He said "Ofcourse she wouldn't know. She is a murderer herself. I don't know why they even let her into the training after she killed that Garrison soldier. She's a fucking traitor.". This did hit a nerve but you remained calm and kept your usual straight face and replied "Well, maybe you should be scared of me then. You must know how I killed that man" and with that, you walked away. You decided that maybe keeping to yourself was probably the better choice as you sat outside the house assigned for cadets on the porch. That's when the black haired girl sat beside you with that stupid boy who talked earlier about revenge. "Sorry. I didn't know." said the boy but you didn't reply. "My name is Mikasa and he's Eren. He can be a bit childish at times. Please don't mind that. What's your name?" asked the black haired girl. "(Y/N)" you replied. After a pause, you muttered, "It's okay".

1 year later

The people from the cadet corps started getting friendlier to you with time. You avoided most of them though as making friends wasn't your objective. You stayed close to Mikasa and Eren, even if you found Eren absolutely immatured due to his big talk upon how titans aren't a big deal. One thing you had learnt from Erwin was that to never underestimate your foes. You were already excelling in every aspects of military training, with you and Mikasa being on the same level in most cases, except 3DMG training, where you apparantly were prodigious due to your light weight and aerobic skills, which made you extremely agile. The instructor was greatly pleased with your progress and your disciplined nature and was surprised when he heard about your intentions for joining the survey corps. "With skills like yours, you can easily get into the interior military police, Cadet (L/N). Are you sure that you want to put your life at stake for humanity?" he asked you one day. "Sir, my life is as meaningless as it could be and I would rather put it at stake for humanity's victory. That way, there may be some meaning to my existance." you answered him. "The survey corps need more brave soldiers like yourself, Cadet (L/N). Only then, perhaps, humanity can retake wall Maria and be victorious against the titans." the instructor replied to it. You leaned on the fence of the courtyard of the cadet corps training grounds, watching everyone practice hand to hand combat. This was a regular routine among the soldiers. There were people like Eren who were serious about this, people like Sasha and Connie, who fooled around, people like Jean, who thought it's pointless to learn hand to hand combat and people like yourself and Annie, who didn't bother hurting others as both of you were too good at this. However, today was different as it seemed like Mikasa challenged Annie onto a hand to hand combat. Mikasa was strong and good at what she did but Annie was more agile, and she didn't rely on the typical fighting techniques taught at the trainee corps. Her fighting pattern was unpredictable, something Erwin did during your sword fight lessons with him, the ones where you never won against him. The fight was eventually stopped by Instructor Shadis, as they were almost killing eachother. The fight was going clearly on Mikasa's favour though. You made a mental note to yourself that you would fight Mikasa the next day, just to brush up your hand to hand combat skills.

The next day

You did exactly what you had planned. You challenged Mikasa and both of you were on your battle stances now. You went for your usual defensive position as Mikasa charged at you. You tried using her height to topple her but she got your hand and tried to get you down with her. You figured that there was a possibility of that happening and you were prepared for it as you fell over her and immediately twisted yourself in position, grabbing the wooden knife from her hand as her hand weakened while she fell down. You used your leg to secure her hand while you were in safe distance from her legs, near her chest as you pointed the knife to her neck. "I win" you muttered with a monotoned voice before you helped her get up and shook hands with her. "That was a good fight." Mikasa replied with a stoic expression. That's when the other cadets started begging you to fight Annie. You decided not to disappoint them and challenged Annie.

As you both went into your stances, you noticed that Annie was going defensive. You decided to change your usual tatics and went into an offensive stance. You charged towards Annie and you noticed that she would use your weight against you. As she picked you up, trying to throw you off, you wrapped your legs around her shoulder and brought her down. The wooden knife went flying from her hand and you caught it, pointing at her neck as you held her hands at her back. You helped her up after that and before she walked away, you told her, "Oi Annie, could you show me that move of yours that you taught Eren?". " Why should I? You're already better than I am at this." she asked with a frown. "I'd rather be on the safe side by knowing as much self defence as I can" you answered. "Aren't you joining the survey corps? You wouldn't need all these against titans anyway." Annie told me, her frown getting deeper. "The most that titans could do to me is kill me. I'm not afraid of death. What I'm afraid of are humans. They can make you suffer things worse than death and I would like to avoid that." you answered. "Very well, this is how you do it" Annie told you as she approached you to show you her moves.

A week later

"Oi (Y/N)! Instructor Shadis is calling for you! He commanded me to do the mopping for today and gave you a day off... How the hell do you always get off work like that?" Eren grumbled as he approached you. You had cleaning duties for the mess hall today and you were mopping the floor when Eren came running at you. You were dismissed from cleaning duties a few times before as well because Commamder Erwin, or as you called him, Uncle Erwin came to visit. You usually call him Uncle Erwin when the two of you are in private but you supposed that you should stick to commander infront of others to maintain the formality now that you joined the military. However, you never were in a situation where you had to call him commander before. Nonetheless, Eren took advantage of those few times you got dismissed to make up the statement that you always get excused from cleaning duties. These were exactly the reason that you found him annoying but at the same time, he was one of the few people who were nice to you and wasn't intimidated at the same time and thus, you remained friendly with him. "Thanks for the help" you muttered to him before going to report to Instructor Shadis.

"State name and business" you heard his voice from the other side of the door to his office. Being called to the Instructor's office was usually a dreadful thing for most cadets, specially Sasha, as the only reason they'd get called was to get punished because of their stupidity. You, however, were never called in for indiscipline and instead you usually were called to meet Erwin, to discuss your future career as the instructor personally talked to Erwin about your progress so that you get placed into a good squad after graduation. "It's cadet (L/N). You called me, sir." you answered. You got in the office after he told you to come in. "Sit down" he commanded you and you sat on the chair facing him. "You're at the top of the class at 3DMG training, fitness training, and now, according to the recent marked hand to hand combat training, you're at the top of the class there too. On academics, you are on a tie with cadet Arlet at most subjects except geography and history of titans since you are always in second place in those subjects. On the other hand, you are terrible with horses. If you can improve one of the two, you can be the first of the class but if your skills with horses don't improve, you can give up your dream of joining the survey corps." he told you. "I understand sir but, I don't know how to make those horses like me when all they want to do is kick me." you answered in a monotoned voice. "Yes, I noticed that. I will assign you with cadet Braus. She is gifted with animals. She can help you out with getting one of those horses in control. Your training starts from tommorow. You are dismissed." Instructor shadis told you before dismissing you.

The next week

"Here, take these" with that, Sasha handed you a basket of apples. Apples were expensive now but it seemed like there was no other option than to bribe the horses into liking you. Sasha tried all other ways possible to make those horses like you but they all were only interested in kicking you. "Now, take an apple in your hand and give it to the horse. The worst that could happen is that you would get bitten." Sasha explained with a smile. That was the only horse that decided not to kick you the last day. Sasha thought that this horse wasn't hostile while you thought that the horse was having pity on you. You held your hand out to the horse with the apple and surprisingly, the horse ate the apple and not your hand. After feeding it a few more apples, the horse let you pat it's head. "See? She isn't too bad" Sasha told the horse while grooming it. You finally got a horse to like you. That seemed like a big progress given that you can't easily even get people to like you.

2 years later

It was the combat stimulated graduation test and you were to be graded on the results of this one. You were clearly the best among the team. You were quick to learn a lot of 3DMG tricks that many couldn't learn. Instructor Shadis was really proud of you and taught you as much as you could possibly know. During the training exercise, you easily flew through the woods and struck 6 out of the 10 titan dummies before anyone else. Two with the assistance of Mikasa, who was a good friend. Eren was good at flying but his cuts weren't deep enough. You were easily the first among all the cadets and Instructor Shadis compared you to Levi Ackerman who now is known as the strongest soldier of humanity. You haven't seen him for 8 years since he became a captain and moved inside Wall Rose. Then again, you never really talked to him so it didn't matter. Given that he did make quite a name for himself, you didn't mind getting compared to him.

The morning after the graduation ceremony was really awkward. After Eren's speech about saving humanity, most of the top 10 soldiers decided to join the Survey Corps. You had to admit, that guy has some really good potential in convincing people even if his own emotions always mess things up. Being emotional is what made them not get the first position. Anyway, you all were standing on the wall when everyone was talking about joining the Survey corps. Sasha even stole some meat for you all to share and then, suddenly the colossal titan appeared yet again. You didn't see it the first time but seeing it now made you genuinely terrified. Like the last time, it kicked a hole in the wall and you saw Eren charge at it, trying to fight it. You knew he couldn't because that thing was too big to fight. But ofcourse, Eren is an idiot. Surprisingly, it disappeared just before Eren got the finishing blow. Eren got back up on the wall, apologising for not being able to kill the colossal titan just as a garrison soldier ran towards you all. "What are you trainees doing? The strategy for dealing with a colossal titan appearance is already in motion! Report to your posts on the double! And if any of you made contact with it, make a report to HQ!" he commanded everyone as other garrison soldiers arrived. "Hai!" you all answered before flying towards the HQ.

You found Mikasa on the way after reporting to the captain of the Garrison as she was looking for Eren and Armin. The both of you searched for them and found Armin having a panic attack while Eren comforting him as they were filling gas tanks. You understood how Armin felt, you were scared too but this wasn't the time to let your fears get the best of you. You remained calm and quiet when you got assigned to the rear guard with the most Elite soldiers. Mikasa was also selected in the rear guard much to her dismay. She wanted to protect Eren but there wasn't much of an option here. You all got into position, watching the civilians being evacuated. The titans didn't reach this part of the town yet. After waiting for a while, you could see 7 titans, three 12 meter class, two 10 meter class, one 3 meter class and one 8 meter class, approaching. The middle guard wasn't doing a good job for sure. It seemed that two of those titans were abnormals that ran past us in sheer speed. "Hey you all! Get those abnormals! I'll take care of these" you shouted to your squad members. A man from Garrison shouted with hesitation, "You're just a cadet! You don't have the experience to take on 5 titans at once!". " I can! Don't waste time! Just go!" you shouted at them with authority in your voice. The look in your eyes told them that you were being serious and they went after the two abnormals. You took out your blades and gracefully flew up with my 3DMG, making perfect strokes on the nape of the titans.

You stood on a roof of a building, looking at the blood steaming up from your sleeves. This reminded you of familiar memory. The only thing different was that the blood didn't steam up back then. "Oi cadet (L/N)! The evacuation is complete! Get out of here!" our squad leader shouted at you. "I'm going to see how the middle guard is doing." Mikasa shouted at the leader as she zoomed past you. You decided to follow the leader's orders and get over the wall. You knew Eren's safety was important for Mikasa but you barely had any gas in your tank after taking down those titans and you assumed that you should make the rational decision and try to survive.

To be continued

[Author's note: I kinda wrote this fanfiction last year and that's when I actually first started writing which is why it may not be as good as the stuff I write now]

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder @realityisoftendisapointing

#levi aot #levi heichou #levi ackerman #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi attack on titan #aot fanfiction #aot

30 notes · View notes

the-sassy-dorito · 4 years

Text

Do you ever run into those kind of people where they think that high school were the best years of their lives? I have, and if you ever meet them in real life? Run. They are going to be one of three things. A) a liar B)a psychopath C) someone who peaked in high school or D) Ass-kissers and suck ups.

Some one who constantly reminises about their "good old days" in high school are people to be avoided at all cost. How do I know this? A lot of my old co-workers. Whenever we were on breaks, it was never ending talk about "How amazing high school was" or "I wish I could go back to those good old days". Where could they possibly be now where could say, with full confidence, that high school were the best four years of your life? And the the people who mostly said this, were pleople who had to be in their early thirties.

Now I don't know about you, but I personally hated high school. You could not pay me enough to go back to high school. I won't even be going to any high school reunions. Simply because I hated it. I hated the students, the teachers (aside from one), the food, and the overall environment. It felt more like a prison with pretty walls. It seemed like evryine walked at 2 miles an hour and cluttered up the hallways making it almost impossible to get through. Making you late to class, especially when you only have two minutes to get to your next period.

There used to be only two classes that I absolutely loved (which quickly turned to one) and those were choir and art.

But see, here's the thing. Our choir teacher, didn't know Shit about choir. She was the overall music teacher because we also had the elementary school in that room.

The way the school was set up was weird. The 1st- 6th graders were in the elementary school across the street and 7th grade and up were in the high school building. And since the high school was the only building with a cafeteria, naturally the school was combinded during lunch.

Now back to the choir/music teacher. She was good at teaching kids, not teenagers. There's a reason I stopped taking her class even though I loved choir. I had been in a few choir programs before this class, and every program I was always the same thing. A 2nd Alto. My voice can hit certain high notes but not often and my previous instructors knew this. I think the highest I could go with cracking too hard would be a 1st B or C at most.

This dumb bitch of a choir teacher set me as a 1st Sopranno. Uumm Bitch?? Do I sound like fucking Christine Daea to you?!?! And the first fucking song we did was fucking Danny Boy! And the only two other girls in this fucking choir, who had the range of a sopranno, were altos! Sometimes I get it, we were not a big choir there were only five of us. 1 sopranno 2 altos 1 tenor and 1 bass. I know why there were only five of us in that class. Everyone took that class to get out of other classes and that was the only reason why people in that school took choir. After the disaster of a concert was over. I dropped that class so fast. I think voice still struggles now with my old notes with how bad Danny boy fucked me over.

Art class was my only sancuary left. I loved that class. Even though, again, people took that class to get out of other clases. I didn't care because in this class we didn't have to perform, we didn't have to work together, and we didn't have to embarrass ourselves with half assery. This class was my only happy place in the hell that was high school.

I thought my english class was going to be fun. Until it wasn't. Sure the book reports were different, and challenging but my teacher graded them at college level. Do we look like college students to you? And before you ask, no it wasn't just our class she graded at college level. 7th - Seniors were graded at college level. Nothing hurts more in high school than working really hard on a project and feeling really good about it, ony to recieve a failing grade for it.

Three teachers at that school were the reason I didn't get to walk on graduation day. Three teachers at that school who continually talked down to their students, treated them like they were stupid, and graded their students at fucking college level. My history teacher, my math teacher, and my english teacher.

I tried. I tried so god damned hard to pass their ridiculous classes. I did their homework to the best of my ablilities. So hard that I would continuosly get sick over stressing about it one too many times. Getting stress sick at the times when you needed to be class sucked royal ass and I would have to miss school and then they turn it around and act like it's your fault that you're not passing.

The students there weren't better. I didn't really have any friends. There were people there I din't completely hate but that didn't really make us friends either. I tried to make friends,it just no one in that school and I had much in common. It seemed like the people in that school were only interested in FFA and sports.(FFA= Future Farmers of America). Seemed like they also knew how to sweet talk the teachers into doing whatever they liked too. A bunch of ass kissers the lot of them. They'd give their bullshit excuses and then poof they got away with everything. In my world, if you kept your head down and keep quiet, they leave you alone.

If what you liked and talked about didn't fit their criteria. You were labeled as the outcast. They would pretend to be nice and act like they want to know about you but once you see past their fake smiles you can see right through all of their bullshit.

Me and my family were always the outcasts. We didn't grow up with any of them. We had moved cities to that high school as soon as I had finished middle school. By the time he had moved, everyone already had their own cliques. And we were the outsiders. At least my younger brothers stood more of a chance than I did.

When I was told that I didn't have enough credits to graduate high school, my heart dropped. After working my ass off for almost 8 and a half fucking semesters. I wasn't going to be able to graduate. They told me my otpions. I could either repeat another year or I could drop out of high school and start working on recieving my GED. I chose dropping out so fast. I refused to retake another year in that hell hole.

I dropped out and and started studying for my GED. I passed the first three tests easily. It was the math quiz the really stumped me so I had to retake it. I had to retake it six fucking times. Each time I failed I was only two points away each fucking time.That final sixth test was the best day of my life. I didn't to have to have anything to do with that school ever again.

Sometimes I'll run into my old classmates every once in a blue moon when I visit home. And the second they start talking, I always regret saying hi, because they simply do not shut up about fucking high school. They talk about how great it was and how sad they are to be moving on. Like great I'm Soooo glad that high school worked out for you and the people like you, but for people like me, it was hell.

It was hell and I was alone.

Now I'm not saying that no one else has had it rough in high school. I know people who had it a lot tougher and rougher. I know what I went through doesn't compare to what other people have gone through.

I don't expect anyone to read this. I doubt anyone will care, and at this point in my life, that's okay. I've just been holding onto these thoughts for so long and Idon't feel like I can tell anybody else anymore because every time I've tried, I've always been brushed off and invalidated. So right now this once empty document was the only one who would listen.

Thanks for listening to my venting.

0 notes

sleepyau · 7 years

Text

enamigo pt. 3 ~ kim doyoung

genre: college!au, angst

word count: 3061

prompt: less of arch nemeses -> something else entirely

warning: language, drinking

author’s note: well this ending is honestly completely different from how i first imagined it. maybe one day in the future i will post the original story line for this au... anywhom i hope you enjoy and thank you for reading <3 p.s. stan kim doyoung and the rest of the nct boys because they’re amazing

parts: one ~ two ~ three

You had never really been the partying type. For as long as you could remember, you had only gone to parties for one reason: to watch over your friends. It was undoubtedly your most ‘mom friend’ characteristic, but you weren’t shy about it. If some perv’s hand was wandering a little too high, or if their eyes were roaming a little too much, you’d be the first person to walk over and put them in their place. Sometimes, it bothered your friends. Other times, it saved them from doing something they’d regret.

One night, your protective instincts stretched out further than they ever had before.

You were standing towards the edge of the makeshift dance floor, bobbing your head to the music and scrolling through your phone. You would look up occasionally to make sure nobody was doing anything stupid, but it was, overall, a pretty calm night.

As you were about to pass another level of Cut the Rope, you heard something that sparked up your inner caretaker.

“No thanks, I don’t want to,” somebody was saying.

“Come on, live a little!”

“Get off of me!”

You looked up to see Kim Doyoung, a student in the same grade as you, trying to pry an unfamiliar girl off of his arm.

“Why are you being so frigid? Just come on!” the girl persisted, beginning to drag him towards the stairs.

“I really don’t want to.”

You finally had enough of the scene when the girl quite obviously dug her nails into his arm to stop his protesting. You shoved your phone into your pocket and started walking over to them. “Hey, baby,” you called out.

Doyoung glanced at you in confusion, but you just smiled and wrapped a comparatively more gentle hand around his upper arm.

“I’ve been looking all over for you. Who’s this?” you asked, quickly turning your attention to the girl.

“I-I don’t know,” Doyoung answered.

“Well, you’ve certainly got a strong grip, huh? Why don’t you let go of his arm now and go sit in the bathroom to heavily rethink your whole maiming technique?” you sniped, ending with a sugary sweet smile.

The girl shot a bitter glare at you, but nonetheless extracted her demon nails from his skin. You winced at the small drop of blood that rolled out upon her leaving, but didn’t move to wipe it off until she was a safe distance away.

“I could’ve handled that,” Doyoung mumbled, not making eye contact with you.

“Oh, I know. I just thought my way was much quicker, don’t you agree?” you smiled congenially. It took him a moment to return the gesture.

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“No problem, Doyoung.”

You shut your eyes in an effort to block out the memories from over a year and a half before that wouldn’t stop running through your head. You knew that what happened in the past should stay in the past, but obviously your subconscious had yet to get the memo.

“Y/N, can you help me with this essay?” Johnny asked you, dragging you back into focus.

“Sure, what can I do?” you replied easily.

He slid his laptop over to you. “I can’t tell if this makes sense or not.”

You scanned over his paragraph, stopping every now and then to add a comma or remove a word, then shook your head, “No, it sounds great. Great job.”

“Thanks!” he beamed. His smile quickly fell and he stood up abruptly. “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ann’s walking over here like a bull and I am not getting killed today. I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

You didn’t bother turning around to check if he was right. You instead waited for Ann to walk the full way, then circle around the table to sit in front of you.

“You really are a bitch,” she began.

“What did I do now?”

“I had to find out from Taeil that you and Doyoung dated?”

“Here.” You sat down next to Doyoung and gave him half of a Twix bar.

“Which half is this?” he asked.

“Uh, I don’t know. I think it’s the left, why?”

“I only eat the right half,” he informed you.

You raised your eyebrows at him, then said, “Well, what if I only eat the right half?”

“Well, then that sucks for you, because the right half is mine already.”

“Except I have it right now, don’t I? So I win?”

Doyoung leaned forward and took a bite out of the chocolate bar in your hands, “Now I win.”

“You ass! Now give me a bite of yours!” you demanded.

“No problem, considering it’s yours now.”

You both glared at each other for a minute, then you leaned up and pulled a coin out of your back pocket. “Okay, let’s flip a coin; if it’s heads, I get the right side. If it’s tails, you get the left side. Deal?”

“Deal.”

You smiled at your own private trick, then flipped the coin. It rolled for a few seconds, then landed on tails.

“Oh, sucks for you!” you cheered, pulling the right side closer to your chest. “Guess you’ll just have to get used to the taste of defeat.”

“You may have won the battle, Y/N, but I will win the war!”

After that, you both settled down and pressed play on some random music video on Doyoung’s laptop. It only took a few moments for him to pause it again, however.

“Oh, you little cheat,” he finally said. You laughed shamelessly as he pouted, “Redo!”

“Sorry, kiddo. It’s too late for that.” You held up the empty Twix packet then laughed even harder. “Took you long enough to get it!”

“That’s not fair! Let’s make another deal then!”

“Fine, fine. Lemme guess: heads, I throw away the wrapper, tails, you watch me throw it away?” you teased.

“No, that’s too predictable,” Doyoung dismissed. He thought for a minute, then smiled shyly. “Okay, I have it.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“If it’s heads, you go out with me. If it’s tails, I’ll go out with you.”

“Ha-ha, very funny. You only get one redo, you know?” you laughed.

“I’m being serious.”

Your smile immediately fell. His eyes were honest, and he wasn’t laughing, but it still felt like it should’ve been a joke.

“Doyoung...”

“Come on, Y/N, don’t pretend like you don’t know there’s something between us - something that makes us more than ‘just friends’,” Doyoung immediately protested.

“I’m not-”

“And even if you don’t like me that much right now, it’s okay! We don’t have to go super fast or anything like that - we can take it slow. And besides, I think I like you enough for the both of us. For real, I’ve liked you for a long time - even before that party. I’m pretty sure I fell for you at first sight, when I saw you in class for the first time. I mean - not in a creepy way or anything! Just... Why are you laughing?”

You hid your smile behind your hand and answered between your giggles, “You’re ranting, Doyoung. And really fast, too. It’s adorable, really.”

“Adorable enough for you to go out with?” he asked again.

You rolled your eyes, “I was going to say yes, anyways.”

“Y/N!”

You zoned back in to see Ann’s angry face across from you, and groaned, “I didn’t keep it from you intentionally, I promise.”

“So what, it just never came up?” she asked disbelievingly.

“Yeah. We didn’t really go out of our way to tell people about it, even when we were still dating. Yeri knew because she was my roommate at the time, and the other girls just asked me about our history once. It just happened that you weren’t there at that time. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret until you told me you liked him,” you explained.

“Why the hell would you do that? I made a complete ass of myself and acted like a total bitch! If I had known you two had history, I wouldn’t have even looked at him!” she yelled.

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you! I knew you wouldn’t try anything if you thought it would hurt me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not my place to keep him from being happy! I already hurt him once, I didn’t want to hurt him again by keeping such a great girl from liking him.”

--------------------------------

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Doyoung asked you gently, pulling your hands down from where they were covering your face.

“No. I can’t believe this happened. I’ve never, never failed a test before. Not in my entire life,” you cried. Doyoung wiped your tears away with the edge of his sleeve and pulled you closer to his chest.

“You’ll be okay, Y/N. It’s one test, and it’ll hurt your grade, but that professor loves you! I’m sure she’ll give you extra credit if you asked - or, maybe even let you take it again.”

“That’s not the point. The point is I shouldn’t have failed in the first place!”

“You couldn’t help it,” Doyoung tried to soothe you again. It was clear that he wasn’t understanding what you were implying.

“Doyoung, I didn’t study for that test because I was hanging out with you. And then, I couldn’t even focus during the test because we stayed up late last night talking.”

“What... What are you trying to say?”

“You’re too much of a distraction for me, Doyoung. School needs to be my priority right now,” you whispered.

“Is this- I mean, are you-”

“I’m breaking up with you, Doyoung. I’m sorry.”

“But I- surely there’s a better way?”

“I don’t think there is,” you shook your head.

“But... I love you, Y/N,” Doyoung’s voice cracked as he tried not to cry. “I don’t understand, I thought you loved me too. And if we love each other then we can make it through this - I’ll help you study! I’m great at studying, and I’m really good in that subject.”

“I-” you stopped yourself before you could finish your sentence. You knew telling him you loved him too would only work to hinder your purpose, even if it was the truth, so you swallowed the words and instead spat out, “You need to leave now, Doyoung. I need to start studying so that I can retake my test.”

“Y/N-”

“Go.”

“...and then that was it,” you finished telling Ann the story. “We stopped talking after that, and then when he switched majors into one that was similar to mine, it was an immediate clash.”

“So, what? You both just started hating each other?” she asked.

“I guess. It wasn’t real hatred, it was just competitiveness that was fueled by past events,” you shrugged.

“Doesn’t it bother you? Clearly neither of you actually stopped liking the other-”

You were quick to cut her off, “Oh, no. Trust me, I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. It was a long time ago, almost two years now.” Your words were convincing, but you weren’t sure you believed them. “Don’t let what’s happened in the past stop you from getting with him now.”

“If you don’t like him now then why were you jealous?”

“Because you got what I couldn’t have? I mean, of course Doyoung isn't something to be had but... You are able to date him and I wasn’t. I guess I was just feeling bitter about it.”

“‘Was’?”

“Yes, ‘was’. I’m over it now. I feel better after talking it out with you, and with him last night. I’m sorry that I didn’t do that sooner,” you lied through your teeth.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I was being a total brat,” Ann returned your sentiment, and you smiled. “Are you sure it’s okay if we keep going out? The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

“Yes, I’m sure! Look, he’s coming over now. Be cool,” you warned, pasting a fake smile onto your face. “Hey, Doyoung.”

“Uh, hey, Y/N,” he replied hesitantly. He stopped at the side of the table, and you itched to push him towards Ann, but not as much as you wished to pull him closer to you.

“Are you guys going to class right now?” you asked.

“Yeah. Are you ready?” Doyoung directed the question to Ann, who nodded pleasantly and stood up.

“Thanks for talking to me about... stuff, Y/N. I’ll see you later,” she waved, and then they both walked off in a halo of golden sunlight.

You took a shaky breath in to keep your tears at bay, then comforted yourself, “Good job, Y/N, you did the right thing.”

As you watched Ann laugh at something Doyoung said, you recalled one last memory that you didn’t share with Ann - that you didn’t share with anyone, in fact. It was a moment that was so private and personal that it could have qualified as a secret you kept even from yourself, at times. You were sure that Doyoung had since forgotten about it, but now you cherished it with all of your heart.

“Hello?” you greeted. Doyoung had called you about thirty times in the span of one hour, and you finally grew weak enough to answer his call.

“Y/N,” Doyoung sighed. You had promised yourself that you would remain strong and steady throughout the entire call, but you broke just at the sound of his voice.

“Hey,” you repeated.

“Hi.”

“Did you have anything else to say?” you whispered sarcastically.

“Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

“Are you drunk?” you asked, noticing a small slur to his words.

“A little. Maybe. How many times have I called you?”

“Around 30.”

“Then I’m that much drunk,” he laughed, though it was obviously more out of confusion than actual humor.

“You need to call somebody,” you advised.

“I’m calling you right now!”

“No, somebody who can help you get home okay. Call Yuta or Taeyong, maybe. Wait, don’t call Taeyong, he’ll kill you if you throw up in his car.”

Doyoung didn’t say anything for a moment, and you thought he hung up the call until he, quite soberly, said, “You always used to take care of me when I got out of hand.”

You inhaled deeply to absorb the strong impact of his words, then shakily replied, “That was a while ago, Doyoung. Now you need to find somebody else to take care of you.”

“But, baby, I don’t want nobody but you,” he slurred.

“Oh my, you’re so drunk,” you laughed.

“Oh, God. Do that again,” he suddenly begged.

“Do what?”

“Laugh. I haven’t heard your laugh in so long. It’s my favorite sound, ever. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Well I could-” Doyoung coughed, then continued, “I could listen to your laugh every single minute of every single day and not get tired of it. It’s the prettiest sound in the world. You’re even - it’s like singing! You laugh better than I sing!”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, considering you’ve never sung for me,” you pointed out.

“Do you want me to right now?” he offered.

“Are you even able to?”

“Of course! Okay... hm... Oh, I know!” Doyoung dramatically cleared his throat, then began, “I wanna be with you. Oh, I wanna be with you. Through the rain and snow I wanna be with you. Oh, I wanna be with you. And I really, really wanna be with you. I'm so very lonely without you. I can hardly breathe when you are away. Without you I might sleep away all day...”

By the time he finished singing, you were crying uncontrollably.

“No! I didn’t want to make you cry!” he exclaimed, and there was shuffling on the other end before he said, “I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“I feel the same way, Doyoung, that’s why I’m crying,” you confessed, wiping your tears away with your own shirtsleeves.

There was a pause, and then, “If you’re sad, and I’m sad, then why don’t we just get back together?”

“I already told you, Doyoung. I need to focus on school. I can’t...”

“But, I’ll keep my distance! I’ll only call you once a day, and I won’t bother you when you’re studying,” he said.

“You’re not the problem here. I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure you can keep your distance just fine, but I can’t. I can’t control myself around you. I want to be with you always, you know? If you didn’t call me then I’d just spend the whole time thinking about what we would talk about if you did call me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t focus on school because you were too clingy, it was because I can’t think of anything except for you.”

“Can’t we just go on a break until summer?” Doyoung tried again.

“I can’t do that to you, Doyoung. I can’t just string you along like that,” you sighed.

“But it’s not stringing along. I’ll always love you, even if we’re not together. You know that, right?”

You were crying again. “You don’t make it easy to be broken up, neither. You’re way too perfect - always making me miss you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not like there’s anything you can do to stop it, unless you start treating me like an asshole all the time,” you rolled your eyes.

“Would that make it easier for you?” he quietly asked.

“I don’t know, maybe?” You thought about it for a minute. “Maybe... I can pretend to hate you, and you can pretend to hate me, and then we wouldn’t be feeling any of the remaining sadness because we would be too busy hating each other.”

“If that would make it easier.”

“I don’t know if it would, but it doesn’t even matter - I doubt you’ll even remember this in the morning,” you sighed.

“I wish we could just be happy,” he whispered.

“Me, too, Doyoung. Me too.”

It was quiet for several minutes, and you were about to hang up and call somebody to go find him, when a small voice carried through the phone:

“I will make sure to keep my distance. Say I love you when you’re not listening, and how long can we keep this up?”

#thank you so much for reading #doyoung #kim doyoung #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct imagine #kpop imagine #kpop au #kpop scenario

18 notes · View notes