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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

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chronosdawn · 7 months

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Finally managed to catch up with the Fontaine Archon Quest now that I'm back from holiday. Going to put some thoughts on it below the cut (and fair warning they will include spoilers).

I have somewhat mixed feelings overall, I do think they were able to lay down some very interesting story threads that I trust Genshin's writing team to deliver on in the next update but I thought the gameplay aspect was kind of meh. Maybe I'm missing something but the latter part of chapter 3 felt like a bit of a slog to get through because the Fortress of Meropide was completely lacking in exploration or enemy fights to break up the story and I don't think the investigation of the "hidden rules" had nearly enough payoff to be worth doing.

On a more positive note, I really liked that the traveller was able to see what happened to Childe through his vision as the connection between characters and their visions is definitely one of the more interesting parts of Genshin's worldbuilding to me. I did also enjoy getting to see Lyney and co again and, putting the gameplay aspect aside, I think the look and graphics of the Fortress of Meropide are splendid.

In terms of characters, I ended up liking Arlecchino's introduction way more than I thought I would. At the moment she honestly seems like one of the more reasonable Harbingers we've met (although the competition isn't exactly strong on that front) but based on Childe and Wanderer's voicelines about her, I'm going to reserve full judgement until after the end of Act IV.

My opinions on Neuvillette and Furina haven't changed in that I'm fond of both of them which I honestly wasn't expecting from the very first trailer we got.

As for the new introductions in this patch, I'm not entirely sure what to make of Sigewinne; she seemed nice overall but some of her lines were er... interesting.

This might be a somewhat unpopular opinion but I didn't warm to Wriostheley much at all, which is a shame as I was expecting him to be one of my favourites from Fontaine when I first saw his promo art. It might just be that I was so sick of endlessly running around the Fortress by the time he got a lot of his big moments that they ended up being wasted on me. I may revise my opinion on him after his story quest gets released but I think I may need a while to recover before I willingly enter the Fortress again.

#genshin impact spoilers #genshin spoilers #lily plays genshin #Now that we're two thirds in I don't think the Fontaine Archon quest will end up matching Sumeru for me #After chapters 1 and 2 I thought it might because I really enjoyed those #and to be fair I think the writing for chapters 3 and 4 is still very good #it's just the gameplay I didn't enjoy which is a real shame #but at least I have a new boss fight to look forward to next patch #I am definitely more of a combat player than a lore player I fear

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araneitela · 8 months

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Character, connections, and verses: (2/2)

#[ visage. ] yet he thought her smile looked sad. maybe someone left her before they could listen to everything she had to say.#[ meta. ] the mara's tether is firmly in her grasp. she will not pull upon it before the designated time; nor shall she relinquish it.#[ mini study. ] she must have sought something extraordinary. everything she does comes at a great cost.#[ essence. ] it started with sincerity and anticipation followed by a passionate catharsis; with one climax after another.#[ stellaron hunters. ] we all have our own individual goals. we may work together; but we work together for our own reasons.#[ astral express. ] in pursuit of the most dangerous objects in the universe? in that sense; you and i are cut from the same cloth.#[ conflict. ] looks like we're the ones getting ambushed. / but they're the ones getting besieged.#[ nessun dorma. ] da capo. fortississimo. capriccio. recitativo. doloroso. leggiero.#[ beauty. ] all beautiful things have one thing in common: fragility. the more fragile; the rarer. maybe that's what makes it so precious.#[ destiny. ] that's the nature of destiny — it creates a miracle but convinces you of an accident.#[ pteruges-v. ] it was one of many planets changed by a stellaron. ah #it's a shame i never got to witness how far it fell at the time.#[ caelus. ] i called out to you and you came. you had many choices; but everything led you here. to right here and right now.#[ inominati. ] you won't remember a thing except me.#[ elio. ] he can see the future; but he can't interfere with our choices. we are all 'destiny's slaves.#[ bladie. ] … her voice was very gentle. and even the monster inside his body stayed silent to listen to her. “but I don't want to.”#[ silver wolf. ] ignoring the rules is something she and i have in common.#[ sam. ] you should really stop playing with your food; kafka. / i know. next time. this time… it's already too late.#[ v: new babylon. ] i was a devil hunter. when people don't feel fear; they are dominated by desire and pleasure. they become “devils”.#[ v: present. ] we can only add one gold thread each time but eventually: we will pave the way for the future that is written.#[ v: future. ] the future is like a labyrinth: every divergence is merely an inducement. there is only one real path.#[ bladie. ] … her voice was very gentle. and even the monster inside his body stayed silent to listen to her. 'but I don't want to.'

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prince-geo · 6 months

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literally pleased with almost all of the new atla trailer except as per usual, Zuko's scar, idk why studios are so scared to commit to the intensity of the thing, its supposed to be shocking and obvious and textured and the first thing you see... that's the point, Zuko is supposed to struggle with feeling like it defines and brands him before finally coming to the point in his journey where he defines it.

Hollywood/big studios are known to hesitate or straight up avoid properly and honestly and unapologetically showing people with disfigurements/disabilities/facial differences etc. with the realism they deserve. Which is a shame in general for representation and humanization but ESPECIALLY in this case as its minimization actively harms it's narrative purpose as well

I promise making the scar more intense (shrivel up the ear a bit, make it intrude in his hairline, make his eye in a permanent squint due to nerve damage, for god sake REMOVE THE EYEBROW IT WAS BURNED OFF) will not make Zuko "ugly", (the actor is incapable of looking ugly and also the implication that scars make people too unappealing? yikes) but will actually do the character and his journey justice, not to mention really show Ozai's brutality, another essential narrative tool. Especially when he's bald like hello??? It should be even more stark and intense when he doesn't have hair to distract from it and cover his ear!!!

When transitioning from 2D to live action, of course some visuals are up for interpretation but that usually involved ADDING detail because the constraints of having to stay on modeling frame to frame is gone, not minimizing, removing or airbrushing. Doing Zuko's scar right to me is absolutely essential and I'm disappointed they seem just as as scared to go there as I thought they might. It doesn't have to be gory, if you've ever seen burn victims in real life or in pictures or even cosplayers/artists who are skilled in realistic burn makeup you'd know its possible to balance realism with humanity. It's possible especially with their resources to avoid the "scary Halloween makeup" route while not holding back on the brutality of the original injury.

Budget is definitely not an issue, or "scaring the kids" considering this remake is likely aiming to go a lil darker in tone than the cartoon (which was already super dark with its target audience of nickelodeon 7 year olds so no excuses) Audiences SHOULD be unsettled and upset when they see him but not because he's hard/disturbing to look at but because we are human and do not want to imagine someone doing that to a child.

It's a deliberate choice out of the all too common fear/hesitation to allow someone who is destined to eventually become a protagonist and is meant to be sympathized with to be "too ugly" while this hesitation is very rarely applied to straight up villains (again we come back to media's historic villainization of facial deformity). It's a trend that's always ticked me off in fanart too. The boy's face was melted, for gods sake. Zuko was always portrayed as an attractive boy in the cartoon (fire nation girls fawn over him) even with the intensity of his scar which is something I've always admired! People exist with scars similar to Zuko's in real life, and should not only be permitted to be represented as good guys and/or as attractive when their scars are toned down to be "palatable"

Like I said there's more that I loved than didn't love about the trailer, that can be a whole essay on it's own but I needed to get this very specific vent off my chest because it missed the mark so hard and stands out like a sore thumb in comparison to all the other visuals that hit the nail on the head to me

#atla #zuko #avatar the last airbender #atla live action #ozai #dallas liu #my posts #atla wank #rant #atla critical #prince zuko #netflix #netflix atla

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teaboot · 1 year

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While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.

Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.

This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:

"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."

"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."

"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."

"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I must have been wrong."

This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:

"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"

"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."

"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"

Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.

You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.

The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:

Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.

A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.

Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.

Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.

The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:

Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.

Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.

Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.

Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.

Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)

Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)

I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.

I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".

('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)

#Gaslighting #Abuse #Information #Psychological abuse

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piglinmyfeet · 4 months

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Rating all the poses on the new hermitcraft banner

Bdoubleo100: 6/10 pretty average, covered up by the person on the end but he's just reaching his arm out. Not too special but decent.

Xizuma: 8/10 "yippee" energy but not 😁 yippee, more chill than that, basically he just looks like he's cheering for something. I like it.

xBCrafted: 7/10 only criticism is why are him and Doc holding that thing like that? It makes it very hard for xb to use his other hand.

DocM77: 7/10 pretty much the same as xb, still a bit selfish of him to be trapping xbs arm like that.

Welsknight: 8/10 looks like he's dancing but very chill. We can't all be busting out the big guns and grooving the night away. Nice work.

TangoTek: 7/10 I like it, he looks happy and eager, however thats also the exact pose people made when I was in school and people were trying to fight each other. I do not think tango is trying to fight anyone.

VintageBeef: 9/10 looks like he's trying to dance. I like it. Keep it up, beef ✌️🙂

StressMonster: 7/10 looks a bit like she's running away from beef, or really badly trying to kick scar. Why are you doing that, stress? I want to see where you're going with this.

Goodtimeswithscar: 6/10 he's just chillin'. Looks confident though, can't say I disagree, though the angle of his head and his eyes make things a tad bit confusing

Rendog: 9/10, I love it, he's so groovy, plus he's got that slutty slutty neckline. Another day another slay

Pearlescentmoon: 9/10 similar dancing to beef except I think she's pointing at something and I'm curious as to what

Mumbo Jumbo: 8/10 what's behind your back, mumbo killsalot jumbo? I distrust him...

Keralis: 7/10 unsure if it's just his face but his arms being up and him leaning back makes him look a bit scared. Someone help this man to overcome his fears

Joe Hills: 9.5/10 he looks very groovy indeed, but what's that he's doing with his hand? Hmmm....

Zedaph: 4/10 don't be selfish. Tut tut tut zedaph

Zombiecleo: 9.5/10 and that's what Joe's doing with his hand! Love the high five, woohoo

Jevin: 7/10 good job, but maybe try a bit harder not to abuse Grian perhaps

Grian: 6/10 clearly trying to escape jevin, however, kee out of poor ethos personal space. Keep to your own bubble. Shame on you Grian.

Ethoslab: 1/10. Why's he throwing it back... ☹️

Hypnotized: 9/10 some real teehee energy with this one. I appreciate that. Keep up the energy

ImpulseSV: 9/10 biggest yippee energy so far. Either that or he really wants to ask a question

Cubfan: 9/10 I can imagine him saying eureka. That's a type of can or something

Falsesymmetry: 7/10 also big yippee energy, but maybe slightly less than Impulse. Love it still

Iskall: 7/10 I can't tell if he's using that hand to shout, or whisper something to false, but either way I want to know what he's saying

Geminitay: 6/10 pretty much the same as bdubs. Very covered by mystery person two electric boogaloo, but simple can be good

TFC: 10/10 best for last is TFC chilling behind the F o7

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collaredkittyboy · 4 months

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Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.

I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.

I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."

So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.

I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.

No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.

So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.

I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?

I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.

Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."

#i know i sound annoying and woke but this is my blog and i can post whatever i want :3 #theres so much more to say but this is long enough as it is #no ones gonna read this anyway #gay #queer issues #fatphobia #cw ed mention

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bitterkarella · 8 months

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Midnight Pals: Publisher Assassins

Poe: Look, this has gone on too long Poe: we've GOT to distance ourselves from Joanne Neil Gaiman: she's become a liability Gaiman: soon she'll be killed by the publisher assassins Poe: right, the Poe: hold on, the what Gaiman: the publisher assassins Poe:

Gaiman: dead authors sell better, you see Gaiman: so someone could kill an author just to goose sales Gaiman: that's why we all have to be very protective of copyright King: ...is this about the internet archive Gaiman: I SIGNED THE LETTER OKAY

Gaiman: imagine Gaiman: it's 2001 Gaiman: you're sent to kill a promising young author Gaiman: but you accidentally kill her terrier instead Barker: That was a film Gaiman: ah but films are the mindscape of potentiality Koontz: [crying] I don't like this story

Gaiman: ah dean, fear not my young friend Gaiman: tis a mere thought experiment Gaiman: publisher assassins are not real, they can't hurt you Gaiman: [stroking chin] though contracted hit men are REMARKABLY cheap Gaiman: Only five figures? Now THAT'S what I call making a killing

King: neil you're just being kooky, no one's gonna kill authors for the copyright King: i mean King: who could even pull off a thing like Barker: mary could do it King: King: no no mary's too flamboyant King: you need a professional for this Jack Ketchum: [long cigarette drag]

Jack Ketchum: i could do it King: Ketchum: i could do it easy Ketchum: no one would ever find the bodies King: Barker: would you make it look like an accident Ketchum: what am i, an amateur? of course i'd make it look like a fucking accident Ketchum: what a question

Ketchum: damn shame about that scottish castle King: jack Ketchum: you know what they say Ketchum: you gotta keep diane duane outta the woodwork or you're gonna get some major structural damage Ketchum: the kind that can crush a person alive King: jack what did you do

Ketchum: i didn't do anything, steve King: Ketchum: and there are no witnesses to say otherwise King: Gaiman: haha my goodness this gedank experiment sure is a testament to the limitless reaches of the human imagination isn't it haha

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #stephen king #clive barker #edgar allan poe #dean koontz #jack ketchum #neil gaiman

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mypoisonedvine · 8 months

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dark dilf delinquent season cillian lusting after the new neighbors daughter; who not so coincidentally has a penchant for undressing with her curtains open 🫣 & sneaking in guys who kinda (definitely) maybe resemble cillian? from her club nights 😭

he’s dark & like kinda pathetic but we love him anyway

i feel like this is too specific but I can’t get the thought out of my head 🥲

it is very specific but I'm not mad, and I love writing a pervert <3 but a dilf AND a pervert?! yes please!! obviously I love this concept cause I went a liiiiitle overboard with it, oops...

𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧 | neighbor!reader x dilf!cillian

length: 3.3k

warnings: m and f masturbation, voyeurism, slightly dark but not very much, unspecified age gap, infidelity

When it first started, he really was just trying to read. It wasn't his fault that the book was boring, or that your curtains were open, or that he caught a glance of you in your window.

It was innocent then, too— he liked watching you do normal things, like put on jewelry or laugh on the phone with a friend. It made him smile... he wasn't sure why, but it just made him feel a little better after a long day, seeing you up there, reminiscing on his younger days as he got a distant view of yours...

But it had been months since it started, and it was far from innocent now. He'd become an expert at compartmentalizing the shame; he'd become addicted to the cycle, to the watching and the waiting and the sick anticipation— not to mention the fear that someday, you'd notice him watching. The fear, and yet, the hope.

"Fuck," he panted under his breath as he wanked himself— not too fast yet, but certainly much faster than the slow and teasing strokes he liked to start off with. You were taking off your shirt, pulling it over your head and folding your arms in that crazy origami way girls do that he'd never totally understood; he bit his lip as his eyes dragged over your back, trying to imagine how it would feel to run his fingers up your spine until you arched it just right—

He heard the kids yell downstairs and he stopped for a second, heart pounding with nervousness as he feared they might come up and knock at the door. He used to only do this when they were gone... but he couldn't pass up an opportunity like this, a perfect view of you stripping in the window.

The noises stopped and his movements started again, fisting his cock with a stifled groan as you reached behind your back and undid the clasp; even having seen your tits probably a dozen times by now, his mouth was slack and dry in anticipation of you turning around and letting him see them again.

You teased him for a while longer, messing with your hair and stretching your arms up until he found himself mumbling between panting breaths: c'mon, baby, show me— lemme see, sweetheart, fuck, please...

Sort of like willing a stoplight to turn green, it's obviously not possible but it will work at some point: you turned and faced the window, your eyes shut with a sigh as you started to open your jeans. He had to grip his cock's leaking head tight just then, too overwhelmed with the view of your breasts— he was afraid to come too soon.

He'd never had to hold himself back like this before, never delayed his gratification— because, normally, it's totally antithetical to the point of masturbation. He only ever jerked off for the gratification, and he only ever watched porn to help get there a little faster... but you, you were so much better than porn. The thrill of doing something wrong, the longing of knowing you (if not very well) in real life, the lack of control over you and being, in a sense, at your mercy as you undressed as slow as you wanted... it was all just terribly erotic. And he refused to let himself come until you let him see a little more.

You slid your jeans down your legs and he actually bit his lip, just to muffle his moan. "Yes," he whispered to himself, cock pulsing in his grip as he watched you step out of them, turning around to lay them over your bed— and giving him the perfect view of your ass in those cute cotton panties as you did it. "Fuck," he grunted, twisting his hand over his tip and feeling his hips jerk instinctively— he couldn't think of the last time he was so sensitive. "See what you do to me?" he chuckled to himself— he wished you could see it, but then again, he had his lights off in the room for a reason. All you could see was a dark window, and for now, he preferred to keep it that way.

You laid back on your bed, looking relaxed and contented as you ran your hand down over yourself— fuck, is she about to--?

You slipped your hand into your panties, and he tilted his head back with a heavy sigh, only allowing himself a second to shut his eyes as his balls tightened up, threatening to blow it all right then and there. He'd never actually seen you touch yourself before— though he had seen you take a vibrator out of your bedside drawer and, infuriatingly, go to take a shower where you presumably got to use it with complete privacy. The image in his head had been plenty to get off on that night, but seeing you now as your fingers moved under the thin fabric, your lips opening for what he hoped was a quiet little moan? It was almost too much to bear.

You spread your legs a bit, the angle giving him a hint of a view of what you were doing; he sat up in the chair, leaning to the side a bit, desperate for a better look at how you were touching yourself. Were you just rubbing your clit, or were you going to put a finger or two inside? "Baby," he panted to himself, watching your tits get harder as your hand moved, "baby... y-yeah, just like that, fuck..."

The sight of you playing with yourself was just too beautiful; he had to keep reminding himself to shut his mouth so he wouldn’t make too much noise, but then it would just fall right back open again as you arched your back.

“Feels good?” he noticed, raking his gaze over every sign of your pleasure. “Tell me how good it feels…”

He wanted to imagine your voice, then, the way you’d respond to him: feels so good, Cill. You’d never actually called him that, you always called him Mr. Murphy. He tried not to acknowledge how much that turned him on, but anyways, he couldn’t conjure your voice in his head anyways. He hadn’t spoken to you in weeks, not since you’d babysat for him and his wife… he tried not to acknowledge how much that turned him on, either.

Seemingly out of nowhere, you took your hand out of your panties and expanded your cheeks with a big sigh; he knit his eyebrows together, watching you roll over and grab your phone off of the nightstand by your bed. His sicker side instantly assumed you were going to find some porn to watch, but your lackadaisical attitude about the whole thing made it seem more like you’d had a sudden mid-masturbation urge to check Instagram. Kids and their phones, he thought to himself, even though you were far from a kid— he was just much, much further from one than you were, is all…

And, this should come as no surprise by now… that turned him on too. He’d come to be weirdly fascinated by his own perversion, finding it just as shameful as he did sexy.

His phone vibrated on the desk and his screen lit up— he wasn't going to answer it at first, nothing was more important than watching you right now... but then it went off again. He looked at it and back at you, seeing you getting up suddenly and walking around the room... surely you hadn't come already? It certainly didn't look like it.

Even though he couldn't imagine why you'd stopped so abruptly, he figured it was a good opportunity to make sure the messages weren't important. He awkwardly got up and grabbed his phone, feeling a bit strange about walking around with his jeans open and his erection poking out. Unlocking his phone to read whatever was sent, he felt a massive sigh leave his chest as if the wind had been knocked out of him.

He never even saved your number, but he recognized the previous conversation you'd had-- just a few texts back and forth about a little backyard gathering your parents were having, and some question about when you needed to come over to watch the kids, but you usually messaged his wife about that kind of stuff. But since he’d committed those brief conversations to memory, it took him only a split-second to know it was you— and, obviously, seeing that you'd just texted him, he thought his heart might just stop right then. He had to blink some blurriness out of his vision to even read them, with how fast the damn thing was beating.

hi mr. murphy.

turn on the lamp on the desk.

He whipped his head around to look back at you, only to find you smiling around a bitten lower lip, staring right into his window. Fuck. Fuck!

He set his phone down, not sure what to do— and quickly locking the screen as he realized you’d probably seen the glow of it. He groaned softly again as he watched you sit down on your bed again, facing directly towards him, those pretty legs spreading nice and slow as your hand moved over your panties again. Fuck.

He felt like he was in a dream or something as he flipped on the lamp— maybe it was an out of body experience. If he was out of his own body, he at least knew whose he wanted to get into: he never took his eyes off you as he slowly walked back to his chair, sitting back down in it and meeting your half-lidded gaze as you tossed your phone away and used your free hand to toy with one of your hard nipples. “Fuck,” he said aloud this time, seeing your eyes trail down to his cock— it was still out, of course, sticking up proudly against the black shirt covering his stomach. Maybe it was proud, but he was a little bit terrified, his face getting hot as he snatched the throw pillow nearby to cover himself with; he saw you laugh, sighing through his nose dreamily as he wished he could hear the sweet sound of it, and then shake your head with a grin.

You stood up then, turning around and bending over as you ever-so-slowly pulled your panties down, making him purr as he got a thorough look at your bare ass. You looked too damn good bent over like that— what he would give to stand behind you, pushing your shoulders down with one hand as he gave that cute arse a good spank with the other—

He saw you looking back at him, a proud smirk on your face; “Dirty girl,” he scolded under his breath, watching you stand up straight and sit on the bed again.

Your legs were pressed tightly together, and when he look up to your eyes, he found them focusing on the pillow in his lap; you met his gaze again, a pink tongue darting gently over your lips. A silent promise: I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. With the way it made his heart pound and his palms clammy, he felt like a schoolboy all over again.

He grabbed the pillow and slowly moved it away, your legs opening at the same pace in perfect time with it; he groaned through a tight jaw as he stared at your pussy, one of your hands running down to spread the sticky lips even wider for him. “Fuck,” he moaned, holding onto his cock tightly again as he felt totally helpless to the sight of it, unable to look away. “So fuckin’ perfect,” he mumbled, starting to stroke himself as you bit your lip again and rubbed your clit with two fingers— the nails still had that baby pink polish, the one he’d watched you paint on a few nights ago. Why was something as simple as that so sexy?

Your mouth fell open, and your head tilted back; he tried to imagine how you’d sound, your sweet voice a little darker and deeper with pleasure. You rubbed yourself a little faster, a little harder, and he felt his lips curl into a sneer.

“Good girl, like that,” he panted, “play with it for me. Play with that cute little cunt— f-fuck, yes—”

You looked at him again, eyes glued to his cock, and he felt it flex in his grip as if it wanted to wave to you; he saw you smile, an oddly sweet smile for something so dirty, and he watched your fingers slide down to your tiny, seeping opening. He nodded in encouragement, watching your face fall into a shockingly innocent gasp as you slid a finger into yourself.

“Yes, baby,” he moaned, “y-yeah, s’it warm inside, sweetheart? Bet you’re so fucking tight, baby, I know your pussy is so goddamn tight—”

You pumped the single finger in and out, head falling back for a moment, and he squeezed his cock tight again to try to hold back another close call— he’d feel pretty stupid coming so fast with you watching, but he’d been doing this a lot longer than you had… fuck, how long had you known he was watching you?

Your mouth opened wider as you pushed another finger into yourself, and his hips shifted roughly in the chair, his hand moving faster as he growled. “Fuck, it’s not enough, is it?” he hissed. “Two little fingers isn’t enough— you need my cock, fuck, you need my fuckin’ cock— I’d fill you so good, sweetheart, I’d be so fuckin’ deep inside you—”

He was almost bucking up into his own hand now, his whole body suddenly pulsing with energy— it was a good thing you weren’t here now, even if he wanted it more than anything: he would’ve treated you awfully if he could’ve gotten his hands on you, fucking you hard and rough, tossing you around, pinning you down… he needed you so bad, he couldn’t imagine having the patience for anything but one of those nasty, fast, rough, animalistic fucks. He’d fucking ruin you right now, if he could.

You were rough about it, too— roughly pinching and tugging on your tits, roughly fucking yourself on your fingers… you even pulled your hand out and gave your clit a little smack at one point, and he choked on his loudest moan yet as your body jolted.

“Dirty fucking slut,” he growled, “fuck, come for me. Please, baby, I need to come, I need to fuckin’ come—”

You were saying something, obviously he couldn’t hear a damn word of it, but the shape of your lips made him pretty damn sure you were chanting over and over: yes, yes, yes—

“Come, baby,” he begged, knowing he couldn’t hold himself back much longer, “let me see— show me how you come, sweetheart, show me that pretty face when you come on your fucking fingers— soak them, honey, come for me—”

You were shaking all over, legs quivering and tits bouncing with the force of it— you pulled your fingers out and he could fucking see it, see that cute little hole flexing, and obviously he was done for pretty much instantly. He moaned roughly as hot ropes of come painted his shirt, rolled down his shaft and shaking fingers, one drop even finding its way down his balls which was sort of pleasantly ticklish…

You looked so gorgeous coming like that, your hand and pussy all shiny with your arousal, your eyes heavy and your lips swollen from all the biting… he blinked quickly as he tried to catch his breath, letting go of his slowly-softening cock and leaning back into the chair. You smiled at him; funny how, even now, that could make his heart skip. He watched you stand up and wiggle your fingers in a cute little wave at him as you approached the window, and his tired smile fell quickly when you reached for the curtains. “N-no, don’t go,” he pleaded softly, leaning forward as if he could stop you somehow, “please, wait—”

You slid them shut suddenly, and he whined a little as he fell back into the chair, running his (clean) hand over his face as he contemplated what he’d just done. When his phone vibrated again, he jumped up to grab it, but frowned in disappointment when he saw it was from his wife. Be home in a few, please come help with the groceries.

He tried to type a quick reply, only to grimace when he realized how filthy his hand was. He wiped it off on his shirt— but his shirt was filthy, too. Sighing, he set the phone down and took the whole thing off, balling it up to toss into the hamper, leaving him in just his undershirt.

Going straight back to his phone, he opened the conversation with you, praying to see that little grey bubble pop up or something; he started to type a few times, things like will I see you tomorrow? or come over next time the house is empty, but he always felt like an idiot and ended up erasing it. He didn’t get a chance to think of a good thing to send before he heard a car pulling up in the driveway. Shoving the phone in his pocket, he sighed and made his way downstairs, navigating around the pillow fort in the living room to get out the front door.

“Just help me with the bags in the boot, will you?” she asked him, not even looking at him, as she rifled through whatever was in the backseat. He opened it, sighing as he looked at them. Nothing like a bunch of brown bags to bring you back to reality.

His eyes widened when he heard his wife say your name, and he poked his head around the car to see you standing there, wearing a zip-up and leggings. “Good evening, Mrs. Murphy,” you smiled, and he figured he looked like a deer in the headlights— if a deer could hold a paper sack full of pasta and biscuits— as your gaze fell on him. “Hi, Mr. Murphy.”

He opened his mouth to try to respond, but nothing really came out; “Looks like you’re going for a run,” his wife noticed, saving him for the time being as your attention turned to her again.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “figured I could use some exercise.”

He cleared his throat, just a way to try to fight the lump forming in it, but it unintentionally caused both women to look at him again— once again, he found himself uselessly floundering for a response, and only getting out a soft ‘er’ before you said something.

“Aren’t you cold in just a t-shirt, Mr. Murphy?” you asked him, tilting your head.

“It’s fine,” he choked out, “I was feeling kind of hot anyway.”

You smiled at him, then waved goodbye to his wife as you pushed your earbuds in and continued walking down the street— you were acting so innocent that he started to feel like he’d dreamed up the whole thing.

She probably saw him staring, watching you jog down the sidewalk, that ass looking terribly familiar covered by the athletic leggings; but she didn’t say anything, only shutting the car boot to get his attention as he finally carried the paper sacks into the house. "She's sweet, isn't she?" she broke the moment of silence as they walked up the driveway together.

“I-I guess,” he tried to sound as non-committal as possible.

“You don’t think so?” she pressed, apparently noticing his cryptic answer.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “maybe she’s not as sweet as she looks.”

#cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy fic #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine

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kafnixc · 1 month

Text

Pairing : GP!Dom!Acheron x Sub!Fem!reader

Warnings! : Fingering, Overstimulation, Jealous sex, Crying, Mentions of blood(Biting), Creampie, Semi public sex

Author's note : I'am crazy for this woman, y'all don't understand the things I'd let this woman do to me

MEN & MINORS DNI

During your visit to penacony with your lover, whom hides her identity with the title Galaxy Ranger, Acheron you came across a memokeeper named Black Swan and you two got close real quick, well.. too close to Acheron's liking

"(Reader).. don't you think you're being too close with, that memokeeper? I don't trust her" Acheron spoke in a firm tone while wrapping an arm around your waist, resting her head on your shoulder "Black Swan? There's no need to get cautious around her love, she's a very sweet person" you replied with a smile, but you only received a scoffed from her

"You shouldn't trust people here in Penacony so easily, you don't know their actual intentions." She said before pulling you closer

Unfortunately, your romantic time was cut short when the memo keeper showed up "(Reader)! Come with me, is it fine if I show you something?" Black swan said with a small grin on her lips, offering her hand to you "O-Oh! Of course" you replied, breaking away from Acheron, but before you could even get away, she grabbed your arm stopping you from leaving "(Reader) is busy." Acheron said in a low tone, eyes narrowing at the sight of the Memokeeper.

"Is that so?" A giggle escapes from Black Swan, as she then sighed and waved her hand dismissively "A shame then.. I'll leave you two be, see you around, (Reader)"

"..You, we need to talk" Acheron firmly said, before dragging you away from the busy crowd of Penacony and to a dark alleyway

"Aeons! A-Acheron..!" A whine escapes your lips, as two.. no, three slim fingers roughly pumps in and out of your already soaked entrance, slick dripping down to the ground while you hold onto the Galaxy Ranger for dear life

"You seem to be getting too close with that memokeeper.. are you forgetting about me?" Her fingers hit that spongy spot inside you, causing your legs to buckle barely keeping yourself up as your third orgasm comes crashing down

"N-No m'sorry..! N-No more.. m'sorry.." You sobbed out, gripping onto her shoulders to support yourself from falling, as her fingers continuously pistons your insides in a rather.. rough pace.

"No more..? But your pussy is telling me the opposite thing." A chuckle escapes the Galaxy Ranger's lips, as her pace intensified curling her fingers on that spongy area, earning a cry from you while your walls grips on those slim fingers as your fourth orgasm crashes over you

After a few moments of haziness, you felt her fingers retreating from your soaked folds. You thought it was over, not until you heard a sound of a zipper.. Your eyes widened at the sight of the Galaxy Ranger's erection

"Wait wait.. w-we're still going?" You said in a nervous tone, which only made her grin mischievously "I never said we're done, did I?" Replied Acheron before lifting you up, you gasped and immediately wrapped your legs around her hips, gripping her shoulders for more support

"Let me remind you.. who you belong to" Without a warning, she slammed her whole length inside you, earning a scream from you but she quickly covered your mouth "Silence, there's people wandering around you know, might I remind you that we're not in a secluded area."

Oh.. that's right, you two weren't in a room, in fact.. you two were just outside, in an alleyway, where people can always look if there's something going on. But instead of feeling fear, that somehow turned you on even more but you couldn't bring yourself to admit such.

Her cock filled you up to the brim, and at the mere length of it caused tears to well up in your eyes, you can feel it stretching you up while her hips slammed into you repeatedly in an animalistical pace.

"A-Acheron— Acheron.." you cried her name out like a prayer, then a gasp escapes your lips as you felt her bite your neck, and gods it felt good.. her teeth sinks into your soft supple flesh, drawing a little blood which causes you to squirm

"Fuck.. (Reader) you feel so good.." a whimper escapes from the Galaxy Ranger's lips, gripping your hips as she pushes you further against the wall and gritting her teeth as her pace quickened.

Tears spilled from your eyes as you felt your fifth orgasm coming, you roll your eyes back and your walls clenched her cock earning a grunt from the Galaxy Ranger as your orgasm crashes down once more

After a few more thrusts, Acheron whimpered before painting your insides white, filling you up to the brim with hot cum. She held you close while thrusting slowly, trying to help you ride out your high

When you recover from your high, Acheron placed a kiss to your lips while wiping your tears away "Are you alright dove?.." You noticed the look of concern in her eyes, you smiled before nodding "I'm fine, don't worry.."

At the sound of your reassurance, Acheron's gaze softened, before leaning in as she whispers in your ear "Good.. I'll give you some time to recover, then we go again."

Your eyes widened at her words, a shiver running down your spine and you think to yourself.. this is gonna be a long night.

#fem reader #acheron #acheron x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #reader insert #kafnixc

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