#and the fact that they just replaced it with a fresh banana

[ritzy-biscuit]

Link to article:

When your impulsive thoughts win. I don't know what's funnier.

That banana was taped back after getting half eaten.

The "art" sold for $120,000

Another artist tried to copyright the idea of taping fruit to a wall.

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[fineprintedsunsets]

𝕿𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝕯𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖞 | 𝖘.𝖗𝖔𝖌𝖊𝖗𝖘

Master-List Link | FIFTY FOLLOWER SPECIAL

Synopsis: Getting ready for a date, and in need of some advice, you confide in Steve. Who teaches you how to make your date cum..

Word Count: 1k

!Trigger Warnings! - switch steve, (sub!steve at the end) cocky steve. roommate au. oral (M receiving) dirty talk. lots of pet names. use of "dummy" but not in a mean/degrading way.

A/N: WE HIT FIFTY FUCKING FOLLOWERS. THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVES

“You okay, Dummy?” Your roommate's mocking voice filled your head, your eyes reluctantly looked over, seeing Steve in a white muscle tank-top, and boxers. You swallowed a little bit, although it was nothing you hadn’t seen before.

You were jittery, very jittery. You were currently getting ready in the bathroom before Steve interrupted. You left the door open so the steam from your previous shower didn’t suffocate you, that is now proving to be a very poor decision.

Steve's muscles flex as he leans against the door frame, eyeing the fact you were nothing but a towel, one of the white clothes tied to hide your nude body, and the other draped over your hair.

“I’m fine, Steve.” You roll your eyes, applying a few strokes of mascara to your left eyelash. You can’t see him, but you can feel his eyes, how they fit on your features, watching your every

“Really? You don’t look fine.” He presses as you shift on your feet, clearly something on your mind. You know he’s not going to go away, and what you worried about has been laying heavy on your mind.

I'll just go for it.

“Steve..” You plead, smacking down your mascara cap on the sink. Steve’s eyebrows rise, displaying that awfully attractive smirk.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” The nickname isn't unusual, Steve’s been calling you that since he moved in, just a little comment to poke fun.

“I have a date tonight, and I-” You pause, locking eyes with yourself in the mirror. You sigh, releasing a heavy breath.

“Spit it out, bug.”

“How do I make someone cum?”

Steve's eyes furrow, his pupils growing hard. It was hard to hide the way Steve himself felt a little jealous, using his mouth on someone else…

“Want me to show you, sweetheart? How to make a guy cum?”

You attempt a smile, trying hard to hide the rosy tint your cheeks are turning, the embarrassment settling in. “Please, Steve.”

➻

When you asked Steve to show you how to make a guy cum, you thought he would help you demonstrate on a banana, perhaps a cucumber. You did not think of this.

Steve’s boxers had disappeared somewhere on your shared apartment floor, his cock was hard and heavy, a substance dripping from his red tip. You did not expect this, but you would have to take what you could get. Your towel had been replaced with a loose tank top and sleep shorts, your hair still wet, released from their previous prison.

“Alright dummy, take my cock in your hand.”

“Use your hand first, you always want to warm him up. Ok?” You nod, and do as Steve instructs, sliding across the floor till you're settled in between his muscled thighs, you on your knees in front of him.

Steve winces as your palm wraps around his shaft, his fingernails digging into the arm of your red couch. “Stroke me, sweetheart.” Not sure as to what he’s referring to, you pump him once, sliding your flesh palm along his thick cock. Your arousal pools between your legs, surely soaking the fresh pair of panties you had just put on.

“Start from the base, and work your way up to my tip.” Steve moans, his lips parting as you gather his pre-cum. Your fingers run over his protruding veins, to his base back to sliding around his tip.

“You're doing good, dummy. Fuck-” Steve smiles down at you, leaning forward to move a strand of escaped hair behind your ear, “So good, sweet girl.”

“Make a fist with your fingers.” You watch Steve’s face as you do so, leaving enough room for him to guide his own thrusts. He does, sliding his cock in and out of your fist.

You're almost memorized, watching him use your hand, his eyes looking down at you, his lips parting in ecstasy.

“Baby, fuck-” Steve’s groans have you closing your thighs together, blinking up at him with dilated pupils and fluttering eyelashes. “You're doing amazing, gonna cum in your hand, alright? Is that okay dummy?”

“Yeah, Steve. Fuck.” You were taking more pleasure out of this than maybe Steve himself. Sweat runs down his bare chest, and your other hand comes up, sliding down his pecs.

Steve gasps as his cock twitches in your hand, his thrusts speed up, his breaths fanning out as he walks the edge of release.

“Talk to him-,”

“Me.” Steve corrects, his eyes narrowing, scanning your face for any sign of discomfort. “Talk to me,” Your mind blanks for a few moments, watching Steve’s fingers bite harder into the couch as he bucks his hips into your hand, his cock twitching, every inch and vein of himself sliding against your palm.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Tell me how good I'm doing, dummy.”

You smile a little, seeing a side of Steve you’ve never quite seen before. The submissive side of Steve, the less demanding and cocky one. You had to say, you preferred this one to its contender.

“You're doing so well, Steve. Are you gonna cum for me? Gonna cum all over your stomach?”

“Fuck, Yes, sweetheart.” Steve’s cock twitches as he thrusts a few more times, before releasing a heavy groan, spurts of his release coating his stomach muscles. Your mouth parts in shock, watching Steve’s eyes close as he rides waves of pleasure.

After his ecstasy recedes and his senses return fully, he extends a hand to you, helping you up off your knees and into his lap. His cock is still hard against his stomach as your shorts press against him, not caring if you get some of his cum on its fabric.

“Thank you, dummy. You did amazing.” Steve smiles, his fingers tip tracing your collarbone, to your throat, to your shoulders. You shudder, electricity shooting through you.

“You're not going on that date, right?” Your eyes widened at his words, panic settling in as you jumped up from his lap.

“Oh, my god. I forgot about him.”

Steve laughs, grabbing your arm before you could get any further. “Nuh-Uh. You're staying here with me, let's take those pretty shorts off, I have a few other lessons I can teach you.”

And we're back to cocky Steve.

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Can You Really Lose Belly Fat in Just One Week?

If you’ve tried every diet and exercise routine in the book and still haven’t achieved the lean, flat stomach you want, it might be tempting to believe that there are certain things you can’t change about your body. Fortunately, that isn’t true! In fact, I’m going to show you how losing just 1 percent of your body fat can make dramatic improvements in your waistline when combined with a smart eating plan and regular exercise – including one trick for losing belly fat in just one week! HERE WE GO

The Science of Losing Belly Fat Although it's not possible to lose weight from one specific area of the body, you can lose fat around your midsection by eating a healthy diet and exercising. The key is to reduce your daily caloric intake by 500 calories (1 pound) per day. This will help you start burning off fat cells that have been storing excess energy, which leads to a slimmer waistline. It's important to note that while this may be an effective way to lose belly fat quickly, you won't be able to keep up this rate indefinitely. Your metabolic rate will slow down as time goes on and as you burn more calories than what you consume.

What Causes Belly Fat The two most common causes of belly fat are low-intensity exercise and eating too many calories. On the other hand, high-intensity exercise such as strength training can help you build muscle, which is a great way to burn calories. It's also important to maintain a balanced diet that includes plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein and healthy fats. And don't forget to drink plenty of water! Doing these things will not only get rid of your excess belly fat but it will also reduce your risk for heart disease, type 2 diabetes and certain cancers. HERE WE GO

The Truth About spot Training Spot training is when you do exercises that target a specific area of your body. Spot training has been popularized by the idea that you can lose belly fat in just one week. Unfortunately, there's no such thing as spot training. Spot training might provide some temporary relief of tension, but it won't make a significant change to your physique. A healthy diet and routine exercise will always be more effective for long-term results and changing the way your body looks.

How to Lose Belly Fat In One Week You can't lose belly fat in one week, but you can get a good start by following these steps. 1. Get plenty of sleep. 2. Drink water and eat fiber rich foods throughout the day to curb hunger and prevent overeating. 3. Work out for about 30 minutes to an hour five days a week to burn calories, build muscle mass, and increase your metabolic rate. 4. Choose whole-grain carbs like oatmeal or quinoa instead of processed carbs like white breads or pasta. 5. Eat lots of vegetables with every meal as they are high in fiber and low in calories. 6. Replace two unhealthy snacks with two healthy snacks each day so you're eating more nutrient-rich food throughout the day. 7. Avoid refined sugars at all costs! 8. Commit to drinking eight glasses of water per day (about six liters). 9. HERE WE GO

Foods That Help Burn Fat The best way to lose belly fat is by losing weight. However, there are some foods that can help you burn fat. Some of these foods include:

Salmon: The Omega 3 fatty acids found in salmon are great for burning fat and can help you to feel full longer.

Lean Meat: Lean meat is a good source of protein which helps build muscle while also burning fat. Eating lean meats will also increase your metabolism because the more muscle you have, the faster your metabolism will be. It's recommended to eat 2-3 servings of lean meat per week.

Eggs: Egg whites contain an amino acid called cysteine which will break down fat cells within the body making them easier to release from the body when doing exercises or through sweat during exercise.

Bananas: Bananas are rich in potassium and other nutrients that help reduce water retention throughout the day

Exercise To Lose Belly Fat The best way to lose belly fat is through a combination of diet and exercise. The exercises below are great, but won't be as effective without a healthy diet.

Do more crunches! Crunches are one of the easiest exercises to do and they will help you get rid of that extra fat around your waistline. Do 30 crunches every day for 7 days straight and see the results! 2. Sit ups! Sit ups work your abdominal muscles, so if you want to slim down those love handles this should be one of your go-to exercises. Again these take very little time and can make all the difference in how tight or loose your clothes feel at the end of the week. HERE WE GO

Lifestyle Changes to Reduce Belly Fat To reduce belly fat, it's important to make lifestyle changes to your diet and exercise. Eating a low-calorie diet that is full of lean proteins, fruits, vegetables and whole grains will help you lose weight. Regularly consuming caffeine and alcohol can increase the amount of fat on your belly so it's important to be mindful of these choices as well. Some people are more sensitive to carbohydrates than others so eating high amounts of sugar can also lead to abdominal obesity. If you're not losing weight despite following this plan then consult your doctor because there may be other medical conditions at play like hypothyroidism or PCOS. HERE WE GO

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[familygarden25]

7 Healthy Tips for Eating More Fruit and Vegetables

We all know how important eating more fruits and vegetables is. Not only do these foods offer vitamins and minerals, but they are also loaded with antioxidants and other beneficial nutrients. Eating more fruits and veggies can not only help prevent chronic disease, but it can also decrease your risk of stroke, hypertension, heart disease, and even cancer. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that adults eat at least 1 ½ cups of fruit and 2 cups of non-starchy veggies per day. Unfortunately, according to the latest data from the CDC released in 2016, only 45% of adults meet this recommendation. That’s why adding more fresh produce to our diets becomes more important than ever before. Here are some healthy tips you can follow if you want to eat more fruits and vegetables every day.

Eat more produce at every meal

Whether you’re eating breakfast, lunch, or dinner, be sure to include more fruits and veggies at every meal. online vegetable shopping in chennai you want to eat 9 servings of fruits and veggies a day, you will need to eat them at every meal. This may sound like a lot if you’re not used to eating a lot of fresh produce, but it’s often easier than you might think. There are many fruits and veggies that are very easy to incorporate into various meals. For example, you can add sliced strawberries to your cereal or top your pancakes with mashed blueberries. You can also add broccoli florets to your stir-fry, throw some spinach into your omelet, or add diced watermelon to a salad. There are so many ways that you can eat more fresh produce at every meal.

Add veggies to your morning breakfast

Did you know that one of the best times to eat vegetables is in the morning? buy fresh fruits online Chennai is because your body is better able to absorb the nutrients in vegetables early in the day as opposed to when you eat them at night. Research has also shown that eating a vegetable-rich breakfast can help you lose weight. So, what should you eat for breakfast if you want to get your daily dose of veggies? You can cook up some oatmeal with apples and a handful of spinach, or make an egg scramble with spinach and on-top baked potatoes. Just remember to add the veggies first and then add the eggs.

Eat more whole grains and beans

fruits and vegetables online in chennai are only part of the equation when it comes to boosting your daily intake of plant-based foods. Whole grains, beans, and legumes are also excellent sources of fibre and protein. Plus, you can add more whole grains and beans to your diet without even thinking about it. You can switch from white to whole-wheat bread, use whole wheat pasta, add beans to your salads and soups, and eat more rice with Asian dishes like stir-fries and curries. Another great way to get more whole grains and beans into your diet is to start replacing one daily meal with a plant-based dish.

Don’t forget the dark leafy greens

One thing that people often overlook when eating more fruits and vegetables is dark leafy greens. These foods are packed with vitamins, minerals, and fibre. They are also known to help lower cholesterol levels and blood pressure. Leafy greens such as spinach, Swiss chard, and kale are excellent sources of iron and are also high in calcium. There are many different ways to incorporate more dark leafy greens into your diet. You can add them to your salads, soups, or sandwiches. You can also replace your daily sandwich for a wrap with greens for a healthier alternative. Another great way to get more dark leafy greens into your diet is to start juicing them.

Try adding fruit to your oatmeal or yogurt

Fruit is a healthy choice at any time of the day, especially if you want to eat more fruits and vegetables. One of the best ways to eat more fruits is to add them to your oatmeal or yogurt. Eating a banana with your oatmeal is a great way to add more nutrients to your morning meal and will keep you feeling full for longer. If you like to eat yogurt, you can add more fruit to it to make a healthy and nutritious snack. You can try adding strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries. You can also add chopped apples, peaches, and pears.

Check the nutrition labels before buying

Before you buy any fruits or veggies, you should always check the nutrition labels. This will tell you exactly how many vitamins and minerals each serving provides. And even though most foods are healthy, there are some that aren’t as nutritious as you would think. For example, you may think that bananas are nutritious, but they actually contain very little potassium, which is what most people get them for. When buying fruits and veggies, keep in mind that you don’t need to buy the most expensive ones. You just need to buy the ones that are the most nutritious.

By now you’re probably wondering what these magical vegetables are

The 7 veggies that are healthiest and most nutritious are kale, spinach, broccoli, avocado, tomatoes, carrots, and sweet potatoes. Keep in mind that not all fruits and veggies are created equally. There are some that are healthier than others. Not all fruits and veggies contain the same amount of vitamins and minerals. For example, sweet potatoes are more nutritious than blueberries, apples, and strawberries. Also, some fruits and veggies contain more antioxidants than others. For example, blueberries are higher in antioxidants than spinach. And some fruits and veggies contain more fibre than others. For example, avocados have more fibre than bananas.

Conclusion

Yes, fruits and vegetables are good for you, but that doesn’t mean they are easy to eat. It can be a challenge to make sure you get the recommended amount of these foods, especially if you don’t particularly enjoy them. Eating more fruits and vegetables can be a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be. You can incorporate them into all your meals, switch to whole grains and beans, and add more dark leafy greens. It all starts with making a commitment to eat more healthy foods and being creative with your meals.

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[atomicmakerfest]

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Prodentim Reviews - Is Proven Formula? Read Here

Prodentim Reviews  - Is it really worth it buy? Does it help to dental care? Read facts.

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Since your first tooth fell out years ago, you've been told about the importance of good oral hygiene. Times have changed and significant advancements have been made in the world of dental care. The following article will offer you helpful advice on taking the best possible care of your mouth.

When you start noticing a cavity forming, or any tooth pain, you should call a dentist as soon as possible. This is because once this starts happening, you could lose the tooth. You could also end up spending tons of money getting it replaced. Take care of your teeth regularly and find a dentist in your area.

Brush teeth gently. While it may seem like the best way to keep teeth clean is by brushing hard, it isn't true. Brushing too hard or with bristles that are too hard can cause pain, irritation, gum recession, and eventually loose teeth. To prevent this, use a brush with soft nylon bristles and use gentle, circular brushing motions when brushing.

A healthy diet is one of the best things you can do to make sure your teeth stay health. Avoiding sugary drinks and foods is important to avoid harming the enamel of your teeth. Fresh fruits and vegetables are the best choice when it comes to promoting healthy teeth and gums.

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Although it may take a little bit of time every day, make sure that you brush and floss. The extra time spent on your smile is going to pay off. There is nothing better you can do to perform these two tasks each day. Keeping your teeth in good shape is inexpensive and only requires a few minutes each day.

Consider purchasing an electric toothbrush or electric flosser. These kinds of dental equipment are often better at removing debris from your teeth and gums because they use vibrations to help tooth decay dislodge food particles and other things from your teeth. Electric flossers are particularly helpful because they are often easier to get between your teeth than a standard flosser.

Check your toothbrush for how hard the bristles are. You want something that is soft or even medium grade. Hard bristles can actually wear down your enamel over time. You want something that can remove debris and clean the surfaces of your teeth, but not actually do damage to them.

Make sure that the toothpaste you use contains fluoride. While there are natural toothpastes available that do not list this as an ingredient, they do not provide the level of protection fluoride does. You have a much higher chance of developing dental issues if you use one of these brands.

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Avoid high levels of citrus; they contain damaging carbonic acid. If you consume citrus fruits or juices, be sure to brush after doing so. This can help to ensure that the acid doesn't eat away your tooth enamel.

What you eat matters as much to your dental health as how frequently you brush or floss or visit the dentist. Eating a lot of sugar-laden foods will leave your mouth full of rot and cavities. Try to reduce the amount of sugar you eat, and also the sugar in your drinks.

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Sticky foods are terrible for teeth, but that isn't just sugary gums or candies. In fact, bananas carry a ton of sugar and will stick to your teeth, leading to problems. French fries carry the same hazard, plus they come with unhealthy fats and tons of sodium. Try to avoid both if you can't brush right after eating.

Any dentist that you go to needs to accept your insurance. Then check with your insurance company to make sure you understand your coverage. It would be dreadful to get through your appointment, only to find out that you have to pay the full price out of your own pocket.

Don't settle for using just any toothpaste. This is when it's time to buy expensive. Buy a product that has baking soda or a whitening formula and one that fights against tartar and plaque. If need be, get a recommendation from your dentist, and this will make your mouth feel instantly better.

Milk is good for the teeth because it contains a lot of calcium, but you should make sure to brush after each glass. There are natural sugar in milk and they can lead to tooth decay. Also, drinking milk that is lower in fat will reduce the amount of sugar each glass contains, but it won't effect the calcium.

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When you are brushing, handle the brush gently in your mouth. Proper brushing doesn't involve a lot of pressure on your teeth. You may think you are cleaning better with some pressure, but really you are just traumatizing your gum area in the process. This can lead to receding gums and pockets.

Always remember to brush the inner surfaces of your teeth as well as the outer surfaces that you can see. Just because you can't see the back surfaces, doesn't mean that they don;t need brushing. Cavities can form in the back surfaces and you might not notice them until they get big enough to feel with your tongue or become visible in the font.

As dental science advances, you've got to know how the changes affect you and can improve your life. Hopefully this article has taught you a thing or two you didn't know about dental care. Teeth are very important aspects of your health and you've got to take good care of them for life!

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[sweeetchillies]

MANGO BANANA SMOOTHIE

Welcome to my blog again!!!

Being an international teacher is not an easy job. To go along with classes and matching the timings every day and looking after my joint family, doesn’t make me feel that it’s been just only 3 years of my marriage. Everyday chores make me so exhausted that it’s just Sunday that I wait for an entire week.

Today I was not in the mood to make anything. Just to sit at the corner of my wooden chair made with walnut wood which I bought this year from Kashmir (paradise on the Earth).

If you are planning to visit India, then don’t forget to see this heaven on Earth. The beauty of this place speaks from every corner of that place.

Just like that, it’s not called the mini Switzerland of India.

While swinging on that chair with one holding the plate of mangoes, my MIL asked to finish the banana kept on the table which I promised her to eat soon, it struck me that why not make something healthy and nutritious that we can have as a brunch!!!

I kept some bananas in the fridge to freeze along with chopped mangoes.

CAN YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT’S IN MY MIND????

NO???

OK!!!

NO worries!!!

But !!!

When it comes to bananas and mangoes, I wonder why some people see these fruits as weight-increasing elements!!

Like yesterday only my BIL was telling my MIL that “don’t give me bananas, ussse motapa aata hai“

What?????

What did I just hear???

It’s all a myth!!

Do bananas increase weight???

Wait !!! what???????

There isn’t any evidence or proof that claims that bananas contribute to weight gain.

In fact, like any other food, bananas do add up calories, no doubt! But can be counted as a healthy snack and more nutritious and act as a better replacement of sugar.

It’s so much rich in nutrients that it keeps the person fuller and not only that, it has antioxidants and keeps not only skin but also your heart and digestive system healthy

My main motive is to include bananas in my husband’s diet plan as he has a very poor digestive system and this will help to improve digestive health.

Still couldn’t guess it????

MANGO-BANANA-OATS SMOOTHIE

INGREDIENTS

2 frozen bananas

One and half-frozen mango

1 cup almond milk (gluten-free homemade almond milk on the blog soon)

½ cup quicker oats

1 tbsp maple syrup

Vanilla essence (as per choice)

MANGOES

It’s the season of mangoes in India. Mango is called the king of all the fruits and also it justified by its taste, types, and texture. Sweet, creamy fruit has its own range of possible health benefits.

Firstly, it’s low in calories

Although one of the best ways to enjoy the sweetness of the mango is by dicing or slicing it without adding any extra ingredients.

But today I used it in my smoothie and trust me guys, you won’t regret this form of mango and banana smoothie.

OATS

Here to give it an awesome texture and since it is counted to be the main ingredient of my smoothie.

Here I used oats from quacker oats https://www.quakeroats.com/

Oats are among the healthiest grains on the earth. They’re a gluten-free whole grain and a great source of important vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. It also helps in reducing cholesterol and maintaining weight and energy to keep you going.

Please let me know how your mango-banana-oats smoothie turns out in the comments.

I love hearing from you..

ON whole I mean to say you won’t regret trying this out!!!

PREPARATION TIME: 10min

Blend all the ingredients together in the blender to make a smooth and creamy one.

Check if too thick then add more almond milk

Make sure it’s not too thick or too runny

Take out the smoothie in the bowl and top it with more of the mango cubes and banana slices

Serve with love and eat with a full heart♥

Oats aren’t just for bowls! Try incorporating them into breakfast drinks like this smoothie, which calls for fruits including banana and mango that yield a fresh, tropical flavor.

Nutritional content – Nutrition per serving:

Calories: 210; Total Fat: 3.1g;

Saturated Fat: 1.4g; Monounsaturated Fat: 0.4g;

Cholesterol: 8.8mg; Sodium: 113.8mg;

Carbohydrate: 42.5g; Dietary Fiber: 3.8g;

Sugar: 26.7g; Protein: 10g

Did you make this recipe?

Please let me know how it turned out for you! Leave a comment below and share a picture on INSTAGRAM with the hashtag #sweeetchillies

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#mango banana smoothie #smoothie #sweeetchillies

[builder051]

Somewhere early-mid Iron Man III...

"Ninety over sixty, sir," Jarvis says succinctly.

"A what--hey, now--" Tony's fingers tremble over the keypad, as he's just reduced and rounded off 1.4516 as the next exponent to plug into the equation. "That's, like, two off. The least you could do is reduce it--"

"No, sir, that is your blood pressure. You have alerts set to warn if the risk of syncope is greater than 50%, based on a comparison of your current vitals to national patient averages and draw from past events."

"Past events?" Tony looks up from the small screen of math facts in his hand.

The x-y plot on the holographic screen before him minimizes slightly, and a new window opens. "Would you like me to pull video?" Jarvis asks.

"God. No." Tony waves away the new window.

"Initiate sequence to prevent imminent unconsciousness?"

"Huh?"

A folding stadium seat shoots out of the wall, plastic back popping up and vibrating in place.

"Who installed that?"

DUMM-E creaks guiltily in the corner.

"Yeah, I bet it's not gonna hold my weight." Tony hits the 'run' button below his equation, then waits for the data to populate on the graph on the larger holographic screen.

"Glucose and protein replacement," Jarvis says.

Something whirs near Tony's ear.

"Great. Hook me up. Left side." Tony makes a fist and holds out his arm. "Somewhere between shoulder and wrist ought to do it..."

"Fastest delivery is through an oral preparation. Vanilla or chocolate, sir?" A panel in the wall opens, and the glass window of a concealed mini-fridge is revealed.

"I'm more of a wildberry guy..." Tony murmurs absently. "Or, you know. Butter pecan."

The holographic screen alights as a line begins to draw itself across the axis, but then it halts suddenly. The word ERROR flashes instead. NO DATA MAP DETECTED.

"Aw, what the fuck?" Tony squints down at the digits on his handheld device. The glow of light text on a dark screen blows out his close vision, and the only numbers he can actually see are 1s and 7s.

"In the interest of Miss Potts's airway, we do not keep fresh berries in the larder." An ominous grinding starts up, and DUMM-E wheels forward with a blender on its head. Its arm makes a wide, swinging pass, and the lid falls onto the floor. Jarvis goes on to ask, "May I offer you a banana?"

"Wha-- But--" Tony hits frantically at the back arrow, searching for mistakes in the equation he can no longer track. "Please have saved. Please have saved."

"All data is automatically backed up," Jarvis says. "Would you like me to pull video?"

"Jarv..." Tony warns, but a secondary window still opens on the holographic screen, showing Tony jumping in place and throwing a hand over his arc reactor as the stadium seat shot out of the wall a moment ago.

"Yeah, that's great..." Tony shakes his head. Squeezes his eyes shut.

Something cold touches his arm, and Tony breathes in sharply.

DUMM-E has a bottle in its claw grip. The label is shredded, and a fat, peeled banana blocks the neck, but it's some kind of medical-grade breakfast smoothie. Tony checks for the icons showing it to be vegan, organic, fair trade, non GMO. He removes the fruit cork and takes a swig. Bland. Chalky. Tony shrugs and bites the end off the banana like he would a cigar. It'll do.

"Feeling better, sir?" Jarvis asks.

"Mm?" Tony scrubs his small screen against his t-shirt to remove the banana streaks. Then he powers it down and nests it on a charging block before crossing the lab and dropping his bottle into the recycling bin. He lifts both arms above his head and stretches gently to each side before screwing up his eyes and letting out a sigh.

"Jarv?"

"Sir?'

"I think I've been at it a little long..."

"I am in agreement, sir," Jarvis says.

"I should... maybe get some sleep?" Tony eyes the leather sofa in the corner of the lab, then the dusty mink blanket sloppily folded on the shelf beside it.

"It is 10:57PM," Jarvis informs.

"You mean, it's early?"

"You have been awake for 48 hours, sir." Another window opens on the holographic screen, this one showing a grainy heat signature. "Miss Potts has left the bath and has been resting comfortably in the master bedroom for fourteen minutes."

"Oh," Tony replies. Then, "Oh."

He lifts the hem of his t-shirt to wipe at his face, then grimaces and takes the dopp kit DUMM-E is currently swinging in circles by the handle.

A splash of face wash and swipe of deodorant make all the difference, and Tony's padding up the hall in less than ten minutes.

"Shall I adjust the thermostat to an ideal sleeping temperature?" Jarvis asks, just as Tony gets to the bedroom doorway.

"Mute," Tony says quickly.

The soft pile of blankets on the king-sized bed stirs slightly. "Hmm?"

"Just coming to bed, honey." Tony lifts the corner of the top quilt, surprised at how little he's shaking.

"Mmm." Pepper rolls over, leaving a stretch of warm mattress rife for Tony to lie down upon and be the big spoon. "'S been a while..."

"Yeah, 'm sorry..."

"I thought I might find you passed out downstairs..." Pepper yawns out a laugh. "I was gonna go check. But I was too tired..."

"Hmm." Tony mulls over the close call. "I'm gonna try coming up here more. Work-life balance, you know. Sleeping down there, 's the wrong temperature, anyway..."

"Your lab is freezing..." Pepper trails off. "And so is the bed if you get up way before me and go back to work."

"So you want me to stay with you?" Tony asks. "Sleep in?"

"Yeah. If you can." Pepper turns her head to look at him. "If it's not, like, inconvenient."

"No, I totally can."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Tony says. "Sleep in. Dine in. I know a guy; he makes good smoothies."

"I love you." Pepper re-settles, her body pressed lightly against Tony's.

"Yeah. Love you too." Tony drapes his arm around her waist and lets the bed covers envelop their connected forms.

Numbers have their times, Tony decides. Measurements and exactitudes, they make up so much of his life. But for now, though, he'll rest. Take a pause. Exact time: unknown. Health: improved. Relationship: in it for the long haul.

Even Jarvis should know that.

#iron man #iron man 3 #im3 #marvel #mcu #fanfic #fanfiction #tony stark #hurt/comfort #syncope #low blood sugar #low blood pressure #jarvis #pepper potts #sickfic #humor #food refs

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

OOH can we see how Kohga would react to Mipha asking for relationship advice? Since she’d see how devoted and passionate Sooga is for his Master, and not really anyone else in their group is in a relationship soooo

I’m just obsessed with him just adoring Mipha and trying his ass off to get her and Link together it’s so cute

One, thank you for recognizing the fact that Kohga playing Mipha’s wingman is possibly the best idea I’ve EVER had. Two, I am SO ready to start this absolute soft shit. Smut is fun and all, but come on, Kohga trying to hook bitches up is amazing. And third, this got waay out of hand, so enjoy some double dates here.

“So, did you get me something?”

Sooga hardly left Master Kohga’s side. Whenever he had to, be it to lend a hand elsewhere; he had TWO rules to follow; come home to him at the end of the day, and bring him something. Kohga had been sitting here, having tea with Mipha, while Sooga offered to help Sidon hunt for sneaky river snails (Sooga had a real knack for knowing where to find them). They came back with quite the haul, so the fact that he managed to get anything else was nothing to scoff at. He put the large bag of fish down on the floor, and from his pockets, produced a small cage. Inside the cage was what appeared to be a winterwing butterfly. Kohga clapped his hands together, clearly loving it.

“Ooh, I’ve been looking for one of these!”

“I know. It was why I had to stop in the middle of fishing to catch it for you. I may have let Sidon fall in the water in my haste. Maybe.”

Mipha cocked her head to the side upon seeing his reaction to the small bug.

“You like bugs?”

“Just the butterflies. I only keep them for a day or two before I let them go, I just think they’re neat.”

Kohga took a hold of Sooga’s chin, grinning from ear to ear.

“And SOMEONE seemed to remember me saying I wanted this specific one. You’re such a sap, Sooga.”

Sooga was trying (and failing) not to smile.

“I listen to EVERY word you say, master Kohga.”

“Ugh, you’re being mushy again. Get outta my face, go help shark boy with the fish.”

Kohga tried to look mean as he gently pushed his face away, but it was plainly obvious; Kohga loved him. Sooga pardoned himself, hoisted the bag over his shoulder, and walked off with Sidon. Mipha took a sip of her tea, watching as Kohga lightly shook his head. She knew it was a bad emotion to feel, but she couldn’t resist feeling a bit jealous. They were so happy with one another, and yet, her own love and affections were clearly not recognized by the one boy she loved, more than anything. Perhaps…

“Kohga? Can I ask something?”

“Whatever you want.”

Kohga stopped ogling his boyfriend for a second and gave her his attention, snacking on the cookies she made, just for him (shaped in just the cutest seashells). She squirmed a bit in her seat, unsure of how to go about it, before she finally came out with it.

“How...did you get someone to love you, the way Sooga does?”

Kohga stopped eating for a second, looking at her sullen face. This little fish was just sweeter than banana bread, and it hurt poor ol’ Kohga to see her love so much, without Goldilocks even talking about it with her. Sure they were young, and they had forever to talk about this stuff, but there was no time like the present.

“Sooga is a fucking idiot, for one, and I attract idiots. Second, you kinda just. Come out with it. We started off as friends before anything, and that’s now all relationships start. Course, your case is a BIT different from mine. You want my honest opinion? Just shoot your shot. I mean, worst he’s gonna say is no. Or nothing with his mute ass…”

Kohga mumbled that last part, helping himself to another sip of tea. Realizing it didn’t seem to be very helpful, he sighed.

“Or, you could cook him something. Call me old fashioned, but my mama always said the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I make mean salmon skin, look at the hunk I bagged.”

They both turned to look at Sooga, who was busy de shelling the fish alongside Sidon. Mipha pursed her little lips, before softly nodding.

“I...suppose that isn’t a bad idea at all. If I can find the courage in my heart to ask him.”

Just then, Kohga noticed Link walking alongside the princess. Small land, honestly. Kohga put his hands to the side of his face, crying out to Link.

“Yo Goldilocks! Mipha’s cookin’ tonight, you want in?!”

Link nodded, giving a thumbs up. Kohga shrugged.

“See? Easy. You just gotta be straightforward with boys.”

Mipha held her face in her hands, obviously embarrassed.

“But what do I do WHEN I make him something?! What do I say? What do I talk about with him?”

Kohga loved Mipha, really he did, but girl needed to stop seeing boys as a lynel, and more along the lines of wild horses. Something to tame, not to fear. He sighed.

“Tell you what. Me and Sooga will join you, sorta like a double date kinda deal. I’ll be there if the date goes bad, and we can dip when the date is going GOOD.”

Mipha looked up from the table with just the softest eyes you’ve ever seen.

“You...would do that, for me?”

“Course, lil red! You’re like, my favorite in the little team of goody two shoes. Plus, free eats, can’t complain-”

She suddenly got out of her seat, and nearly pounced on him for a hug. The things he did for love.

--------------------------------------------

“He here yet?”

“Not quite, but I’m just about done!”

Kohga came back a while later, alongside Sooga. Kohga had his own men helping her in the kitchen, setting up the dining room, everything she could need, Kohga helped with. Kohga scoffed as he put his gift on the dining room table (he’d be remiss if he didn’t bring something to drink for the occasion), lightly pulling up one of her fins, and scoffing.

“Okay, let the boys finish up. Sooga, get to work on this girl, she needs to focus on being as pretty as a fresh stack of banana pancakes.”

Sooga nodded, prompting Mipha to follow him to her bedroom. Kohga was about to see just what she was cooking, before the main doors flew open. Link. Aka, Goldilocks, aka, the guy that never fucking knocked. He was wearing the classic gerudo outfit. A real tits out look, and honestly Kohga would jump on that in a heartbeat.

“Goldilocks! Bit early! How you doing? Mipha will be ready in just a second, take a seat, lemme get you a drink!”

Link nodded. Kohga chatted him up for a minute, serving him a nice glass of banana wine (it’s actually VERY good). When he caught the eyes of Sooga, he pardoned himself and dipped into the hallway. He took one gander at Mipha, and gave a whistle.

“Girl look at YOU! Lookin’ prettier than a pack of opals!”

She really did look like a beauty. Freshly touched lipstick, sharpened nails, her silver jewelry replaced with gold, and instead of her usual blue sash, Sooga somehow managed to find time to make a blue, see through looking dress for her. It fit around her body snugly, but it was a loose, comfortable material, perfect for fashion, and function. Sooga was so talented, getting that together so quickly. Kohga nodded towards Link.

“Go keep him busy, gotta give this girl a pep talk.”

Sooga nodded. Once he left, Kohga carefully put his hands on her shoulders.

“Look at me. Lookin? Okay good. You like this guy, so be you. BUT, you need to let him know you’re interested. Be flirty. Touch his hands, compliment him, fucking, feed him from your plate- make it obvious. You’re a princess. He’s a knight, it’s GONNA happen.”

She nodded firmly, shoulder’s straight as a Lynel’s. 

“I can do this!”

She peered over at Link, and immediately hid behind a wall again.

“I can’t do this! He’s wearing the voe armor!”

“For the love of…”

Kohga sighed. Why did he love all these shy bitches?

“Mipha. You’re gonna make HIM drool, not the other way around. Come on, you’ve got this. I’ll be right here, I’ll make you look good as hell. On three. One. Two. Three!”

He carefully pushed her towards the dining room, and Mipha looked ready to have a heart attack. Poor thing.

“Link! It’s so nice to have you over! I hope my invitation wasn’t sudden!”

Link shook his head. Kohga, sensing things were still awkward, jumped in. He was always the fun one at parties.

“Hey, you know what, we should totally start eating! I heard Mipha made quite the spread, Sooga why don’t you help bring the stuff out?”

Sooga nodded, heading into the kitchen. Kohga gestured for all of them to take a seat (with Mipha sitting right next to Link of course), and him just a bit away from them. Close enough to be supportive, but just far enough to beat it if he was cramping their style. Soon enough, trays of food were brought in, and even Kohga had to admit, he was starved.

“Master Kohga?”

“Yes, Sooga?”

“I’m sorry.”

He was about to ask what for, but then he saw it. Fish dish. Fish dish, not a single dish WASN’T fish. And he couldn’t just NOT eat her food, less he make Mipha’s food look awful. Kohga gulped, and Mipha seemed to catch onto his distress.

“Oh Kohga, I’m so sorry, I forgot you didn’t like fish! Please, let me make you-”

“Nope!”

Kohga could feel his ass sweating. He was really gonna sit here and eat fish, because Mipha deserved it. Link looked over at him, clearly just as confused as anyone else. Kohga forced himself to chuckle.

“I mean...I HATE clam chowder. A lot. It’s gross, it’s squishy, it smells AWFUL. Unless it’s Mipha’s. I LOVE Mipha’s clam chowder! She is just. SUCH  a good cook, I could eat a whole bowl!”

Link looked him right in his face, grabbed a bowl, and filled it completely with clam chowder. He slid the bowl over to him, and Kohga wanted to throw up. That yucky, smelly smell of fish. 

“Son of a bitch..I mean, yum! Thank you, Link.”

Mipha just had to like this blonde asshole. Sooga made a motion to grab the bowl, but Kohga halted him. He was going to do this for Mipha. He took a taste of it, and he fought every urge not to puke. Dear god, the smell and the taste was awful. But he forced himself to swallow, smiling.

“See? I l-like it! So it’s GOTTA be good! Mipha is just, so talented!”

Link seemed satisfied, helping himself to a bowl. Mipha looked at Kohga, clearly worried, but he shook his head. 

“Make it up to me by getting some, Mipha.”

He muttered underneath his breath, forcing himself to eat more. Sooga had no problems, this asshole, eating fish like it was nothing. Mipha pretended like she didn’t know anything was wrong, giving her attention towards Link.

“So, Link! You’ve been over at the Gerudo desert, I take it. Urbosa is doing well, I trust?”

Kohga didn’t pay attention to the one sided conversation, too focused on handling the thick creamy broth. His stomach churned, his head hurt, and he was just. Dying. Not even Sooga could help him. He was going to bail, but he saw it in Mipha’s eyes. She was getting more nervous, and this was JUST from watching Link eat. Oh god this was a mess. He forced himself to think past the creamy mush still left in his bowl.

“So, Link, what do you think of Mipha’s new look? Nice right?”

Link looked her up and down, before giving Mipha a thumbs up. Her cheeks exploded in color, and she looked ready to just melt. Kohga tried not to gag at the fish burp he just had.

“And Mipha, thoughts on Link’s outfit?”

Mipha hesitated, letting herself get a look at him, totally not looking at that titty (atta girl), before softly nodding.

“You had it dyed white, it looks very...nice, Link. It really goes with your golden hair.”

Distracted by her thoughts, she played with a strand of his hair, before suddenly realizing what she was doing. They both looked away, buried in blush, just two, dumb, flirty messes. Oh his girl was KILLING IT. Kohga forced himself to gulp down his bowl (somehow not choking on the chunks), nearly gasping as he finished. Oh that was a mistake. That did NOT feel right. Didn’t matter, Mipha was GETTING somewhere with this guy. He whispered to her, nudging at her side.

“Offer him some of your food.”

“But? He has the same thing in-”

“Say yours is different. Just do it, trust me. Sooga! With me, kitchen, now.”

They dipped into the kitchen, and Sooga immediately handed him a bucket. Just in time for Kohga to purge his guts. Sooga patted his back, sighing.

“No one told you to finish the bowl, Kohga.”

“I am SUPPORTIVE, dammit! She deserves-”

Yet another purge of his guts. He groaned, relying heavily on Sooga to keep him upright.

“If it makes you feel better, I’m VERY proud of you. Going through so much for the sake of her happiness. You’re a wonderful person.”

“Sooga, that’s sweet, but dear god I’m throwing up here, shut the fuck up.”

Kohga was three for three, and he was wondering if it was worth it. Then he peered into the dining room. Mipha was spoon feeding him from her bowl, going so far as to scold him for his messy face, and cleaning it with a cloth napkin. It was adorable, it was sweet, and dear god was this worth it. Sooga chuckled, peering down at Kohga.

“You’re incredible, Master Kohga, letting her have this.”

“I AM pretty great, aren’t I?”

They sat there, watching them. For a moment, for a brief, sweet moment, she wasn’t shy. She was honest with herself, she was even just a bit flirty. And Link looked as if he wasn’t clueless. It was so goddamn sweet, it was worth every second of stomach pain. Kinda.

“Oh it’s coming again- he better marry this girl, or I’m starting the war all the fuck over again.”

He was complaining, sure. But he was really, honestly proud of his little Mipha. He’d do this again and again, if it meant getting to see such a sweet, happy smile.

He just prayed he didn’t have to.

#asks #kohga #mipha #sooga #link #listen #i was gonna make this waay longer #i had to cut myself off #because there are SO many double date ideas i can have for them

[anthonyed]

Finding Bucky : stevetony for @stonyweek day 1, universe:mcu (Ao3)

They win the battle. They lose the tesseract.

“I was having a heart attack,” Tony points out when Fury glares. “What’s his excuse?”

Captain America stands, head hung and silent, he looks far away from this world, stripped off of his title and for the first time, he looks like a Steve Rogers.

Tony pointedly looks away, something coiling akin to guilt in his gut and he chases that away. “What’s the plan?” He asks Fury.

“For you people? Nothing,” Fury spits. “SHIELD will handle this from now on. You can help with the clean up.”

“Not a janitor,” Tony takes his leave, marching out of the office and he soothes at the loud slam of the door at his departure.

He taps away an assuring text to Pepper and Rhodey each, steps into the elevator blindly and right before the door closes, someone catches him by his shoulder and he startles so badly that his chest aches, reminding him of how fresh the attack was.

“Mr Stark,” Rogers starts, looking harried yet sounding composed. “I need to look at the surveillance footage.”

“I thought we did. Six times and they’re still running it somewhere in here for SHIELD cretins to catch what we didn’t. So you can go join them.” Tony rattles off dryly, rubbing his chest with one hand while he jabs the button for lobby with the other.

Rogers doesn’t bother, making it clear that he’s only in here because he wanted to corner Tony. “Do you have another copy?” He asks, glancing at the shifting numbers as the elevator moves and he turns to Tony urgently, “The other me. He said something and I -,” he pauses, blue eyes bright and searching and Tony tries hard not to blink, as surprised as he is by this new information.

“You said he was taunting you.”

Rogers looks sick for a second, jaw working tightly and he mutters low, “I may not have told everything.”

Tony blinks. Well, will you look at that, “Captain America; the paradigm of virtue. Did you just admit to lying?”

The elevator pings. Tony steps out, the prickling in his chest now a growing burning sensation, travelling from gut up to his mouth and he swallows with a shudder.

“Are you coming or not?” He glances over his shoulder. Rogers barely hides his surprise before he follows.

Tony’s body demands medical attention and vasodilators with an extended leave from physical duty but the six years old Captain America fan in his head is thriving from this attention. He might as well risk another attack if he could be of use for Cap.

-

“You sure about this?” Steve asks, two months after the New York battle. He desperately needs a stylist, Tony keeps telling him. But the man is stubborn and irrationally fond of dull checkered shirts that make Tony run in the other direction.

Maybe that’s why I wear them, Steve had shrugged casually, when Tony asked him about it and that’s when it properly cemented in Tony’s brain that Steve Rogers is not that much of a stick in the mud. Guy can joke too, apart from looking like the pinnacle of perfection. Not Fair.

Two months later, they’re what Tony begrudgingly (and Steve, with fond exasperation) admits are friends and that’s that.

“I don’t trust them.” Tony murmurs, tapping away at codes, infiltrating yet another layer of security in the SHIELD’s dark system. That’s what he dubs it based on its unusuality and how discretely it was hidden. At least, before Tony spotted the layers and started digging.

“What does that have to do with Bucky?” Steve asks from where he’s sat on the couch, flicking the top end of his New York Times to look at Tony.

Tony minimises the window and pulls out another, zooms it out and crooks a finger at Steve, calling him in.

“Look at this,” he says, pointing at the virtual webs of connection he’d spun out of all the datas he’d gathered. “All these people. I know SHIELD is not squeaky clean but some of their connections are concerning. This one,” he jabs at Senator Stern.

“Tried to take away my suit two years ago. Wanted to make it government property to ensure safety. Personally, I think the government gives shit about people’s safety so I dug up and found he’s had a standing appointment with Obadiah Stane before his passing. Had a few before and one of it was about the secret project Stane had brewing in SI’s basement; trying to replicate the Iron Man armour. They fixed a deal under the table. No government overlooking it.” Tony sinks back in his chair, arms across his chest and surprise flicks across his face when Steve holds out a water bottle for him.

“Thanks,” he says dubiously, screwing open the cap. Steve grunts distractedly, eyes dancing across the screen, studying all the details. He waits until Tony’s done drinking to ask, “What’s that?” He points at a different folder, on a different window. Tony sits up, holding out the bottle which Steve silently accepts and he taps on that folder. “An algorithm,” he states.

“For what?”

“That,” Tony leans back, taking in the list for the umpteenth time. “I’m still trying to figure out.”

He follows pages as Steve scrolls down, stopping at the end and he takes a step back, standing next to Tony. “All the Avengers are in there.”

“As well as a disturbing number of children.”

-

Six months after the New York Battle, Tony gets a call from Fury which he promptly dismisses. And another and another and - “Mute.”

He asks Jarvis for his email folder and finds a bunch from [email protected]. He clicks on the latest one and it’s a clipped paragraph demanding him to consider a proposition. He clicks on the attached folder and it’s the Hellicarrier’s engineering plan with its flight system replaced by what looks like a resized repulsor tech. Tony stares at it for a minute before exiting.

“Tell Happy I’m on my way, J.”

-

He brings it up to Steve, over fish chips in the heart of London and he regrets their pick.

“Should have known to not trust the brochure,” he sighs, giving up on the fries that are too limp to be saved.

“I’m hungry,” Steve mumbles, shoveling another forkful of the equally limp fillet and Tony makes a face at that. “Had worse,” Steve grins.

“Not on my watch,” Tony grumbles.

“So what did you say?” Steve asks, leaning back in his chair once he’s done demolishing both of their orders.

“To what?” Tony hums, scrolling up his inbox and shooting a quick reply to Pepper.

There’s a part of him that shrivels when he thinks about her while sitting with Steve, across the ocean. It’s been like that lately. Ever since she walked in on them playing FIFA one evening and quietly reminded Tony that it was supposed to be their date night before she turned away, leaving Tony hugging a pillow to sleep.

“To Hill.” Steve says, “Come on, let’s go.” he catches Tony by his elbow and pulls him towards the exit, Tony’s coat is already in one hand as he holds the door open with the other.

“We haven’t paid,” Tony tells him, louder when the outside air hits and his voice gets drowned by London traffic.

The door snaps close with a jingle and Steve hops down onto the pavement with a grin, “I did,” he tugs urgently.

“Slow down, eager beaver. She’s not running away. In fact, I don’t think she physic-,”

“Please don’t complete that sentence.” Steve warns lightly.

Tony shuts up, puts up his hands in apology and chuckles when Steve shakes his head.

It’s barely a walk to their destination. Steve stops by at one of the fruit stalls to buy some apples and oranges and,

“Blueberries?”

“They’re yours. You didn’t eat your lunch,” Steve hands the box to him, and a bottle of water. “Wash them first.”

Tony wrinkles his nose, “The hassle… I much prefer bananas,” he sniffs, pouring the water over the berries and he shakes them a little.

“C’mere,” Steve snags them. He holds out the other fruits wordlessly and Tony takes them, watching him march towards the vendor again and for the love of God, he purchases bananas just because Tony asked.

“You’re scary,” Tony tells him when Steve demands he finishes both blueberries and a banana before their journey ends.

-

Peggy Carter is lucid. Sometimes, not so. But she recognizes Tony and twists his ear for missing her birthday.

“I was busy pulling out your Steve,” Tony lies. He doesn’t say he was flying a nuke into the space and almost died from a heart attack that day.

She forgives him for Steve. He leaves them be for an hour and a half before Steve peeks out of the door and says she’s asking for him.

“Your father and I founded SHIELD,” she tells them, wrinkled hand in Steve’s careful grasp and she looks adrift as she recalls. “Colonel Phillips was in it because the government needed an insight and what was better than the entire military.”

Tony suspects Steve must have brought up their private little investigation, and he’s miffed, but he nods along.

“We made a lot of adjustments along the way. A lot of compromises,” and she pauses, placing another hand over Steve’s. “Some of them, you wouldn’t approve, but Howard had his reasons.”

Tony’s breath stutters. Starks seem to fuck up through the history. “It must be the gene,” he mutters blithely.

Peggy turns to look at him and she blinks. Something shifts in her eyes and the next second, she’s slapping him hard across the face.

“Ow,” Tony cries.

Steve splutters their names, grabbing onto Peggy’s hands and he asks concernedly if Tony’s okay.

“Tough smack right there, Auntie,” Tony grins.

“Steve Rogers dedicated his mind, his body, his life to the SSR and to this country. Not to your bank account.” Peggy snarls, her shaky voice breaking in anger even as she holds composed under Steve’s hands.

Tony stares at her, unblinking. “Peggy?” he calls faintly, blood sizzling up his veins, and he clenches his fists, sitting straight in his chair. “Peggy, it’s me. Tony.”

But Peggy Carter is lost. Somewhere between old memories and contained anger, and she sniffles, “I will not let you replicate the serum.”

-

No. He sends to Hill.

No. He receives from Pepper when he asks if she wants to go on an impromptu vacation with him.

No. He tells her when she asks if he’ll ever put down the armour.

No, he tells her when she asks if he wants to have a kid one day.

“White picket fence is a fairytale, babe. Howard fucked me over seven ways to hell. I wouldn’t be a good father or a husband.”

“You have potential,” she murmurs, brushing his hair back, manicured nails scraping soothingly over his scalp and Tony sighs. He leans back into her and she secures her hold around him. “I love you, you know that?” She asks softly.

“Love you too,” he breathes, sinking into the mattress and the pillow and he’s so warm and safe, he’s tipping out of consciousness.

“I know,” she says, one arm around Tony’s midriff tightening before it loosens. “It’s not working is it?”

Tony stops breathing. Pepper’s fingers don’t, sticking to their rhythm and she’s so strong, she’s lending her strength for him. She presses a kiss over his head and she tells him gently, “We’re not working.”

“We want different things,” Tony works his mouth. Sleep lost to nerves and the cruel ache in his heart.

She says, “I want a kid, or two. I want a family. I want to settle down when I’m forty.”

“I want to save the world,” says Tony.

-

Tony stares at the text, Saturday morning bright as the Sun beams from over the adjacent building. Rays spilling in rainbows over the white tiles of his living room as he sits gloomily at the dining table.

Did you find out?

He discards his half-written reply, taps back, eyes catching Fury’s 21 unreplied texts and voice messages and he ignores them all.

“Call Rhodey.”

The dial tone goes; on and on and on and -

“Hello?”

“Can you come over?”

A short pause, and then, “I’m not in the States, Tony.”

Tony taps twice over the table; two fingers up and down and up and down, a little over the edge and he says, “They were murdered.”

“Who?”

“Howard.” Tony stops. “Mom and him. They were murdered. It wasn’t a car crash.”

There’s a beat of silence down the line. Longer than before. Strenuous and Tony can hear when Rhodey pulls in a breath.

“How did you find out?”

Long story is, he started looking into super serum replication. Found the connection between Peggy’s accusation and his dear old father and Tony latched onto until the report ended at Howard Stark’s successful experimentation in 1991. He dug deeper and he recovered filth.

Short story is, “I hacked into SHIELD’s server.”

There’s an exasperated sigh on the other end but Rhodey doesn’t follow through. “I’m sorry,” he says instead. There’s a slight hesitation and he adds, “I’ll be over next weekend.”

“You don’t have to,” Tony says. “I’m fine.”

“Like hell you are.”

The truth is, Tony cannot hold it in until next weekend.

He calls Steve.

-

“How did you find him?” Steve asks, half in awe, half in agony.

“Easy,” Tony says, pulling out the file JARVIS has picked up for him. “When you dig at the right spot, you’ll find what you’re looking for.”

He takes a step back and watches every flicker of emotions that flit across Steve’s face; from relief to horror to determination.

“They brainwashed him,” Tony briefs, “Electric shocks to meddle with his memories and they groomed him to be their weapon.”

“He doesn’t look a year old,” Steve sounds faint, sick to his bone, and he shakes minutely when he reaches to touch the image. “I went back. I swear. I went back.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony says. He is. Truthfully, he is. But it’s largely polluted by his boiling rage. The need for retribution.

He grips onto the logical part of his brain and he turns away. Dum-E nudges his elbow, holding out a wrench and Tony is not working on anything that needs it but he grabs it for the desperate need to ground himself. Channel all the vengeance into the metal and he’ll fling it later; hard and swift and it’ll break all of his glass panels and he’ll be satisfied for a bit.

“How did you find him?” Steve asks, rough edged and unaware.

“I was looking for my parents’ murderer,” Tony tells him.

-

There’s a period between Steve’s departure and Rhodey’s arrival that Tony feels slightly unhinged. Prone to stupidity more than usual and he refuses to call Pepper because she deserves better.

They just parted, he knows she loves him, and he knows he loves her. But he’s too fragile for her. If she touches him, he’ll shatter and she’ll break her skin and bones trying to hold him. He told Steve to leave - “I need some time to digest this” - and he waits for Rhodey to arrive to get drunk on whiskey, rum and too much skittles.

They puke rainbow the next morning.

“I’m never doing this,” Rhodey swears, but he’d broken that over ten times going steady. Tony grunts at him and wipes his face. They have brunch in front of the TV and Tony grunts from his hangover headache, “I think I have feelings for Steve.”

Rhodey chokes on orange juice, spits it all over the coffee table and Tony groans in disgust. “Exactly,” Rhodey says. “You’re emoting what I feel.”

He piles plies over plies of tissues over the spill and turns to Tony. “You’re serious.”

“Don’t,” Tony says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with that. He sighs. “I guess.”

Rhodey chews on his cronut thoughtfully and makes a face. He switches the cronut with a strawberry sprinkled donut and asks, “Does he know?”

“No!” Tony seizes, his own big bite of the chocolate sprinkled suddenly dry and lumpy in his esophagus. He swallows painfully and shrugs, “I don’t know? I didn’t tell him.”

“Are you going to?” Rhodey asks, not missing a beat.

“I don’t know,” Tony snaps. “What is this? Make Tony feel bad Sunday?”

Rhodey flicks a sprinkle at his face. “You brought it up first,” he says, facing back the TV, and he switches the channel. “I was trying to enjoy my hangover donuts in peace and you ruined it.”

Tony grumbles something under his breath but otherwise he lets it go.

-

“Let me know if I have to give a shovel talk,” Rhodey says conversationally, stepping into his War Machine armour.

Tony punches his fists into his pants’ pockets and leans against the rail, “Not happening,” he tells him.

“Don’t drink without me.” The helmet closes, the eye slits come to life.

Tony grins at him. “I thought it’s not happening again.”

“It’s not,” comes the mechanical voice. Rhodey takes a step closer and ruffles his hair with a gauntleted hand.

Tony swats at it, hurting himself more than the other and he hisses, glaring at the mechanically cackling Rhodey.

“Take care.” Rhodey says before he shoots up into the night sky, like a blinding star, growing further and further out of reach and Tony whispers a thank you after him.

-

Two days later, someone disengaged JARVIS and tried to break in.

“They must have found out about my SHIELD servers’ break ins,” Tony groans, scrubbing his face as he paces.

JARVIS had sent out a help signal to Steve’s phone before he was shut down. Tony was awake during the attempt so he managed to not only stop it but garner evidence in the process as well.

“Do not come,” he tells Steve over the phone. “They don’t know your involvement. Let’s keep it that way.”

Thirty minutes later, Steve’s in the elevator.

“Let him in,” Tony permits weakly. The door opens, and Steve walks in, calm and composed. His eyes however are a whirlwind of storms brewing up an apocalypse.

They study Tony from head to toe and all over until satisfied, and he nods, “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Tony exhales, turning towards the kitchen. “There’s no need for you to come.” He fetches a glass and fills it with water, holding it out for Steve. Once taken, he fetches another and repeats the process, draining the content in a second. Steve offers his for taking and Tony chugs that down too.

“How are you?” Steve asks.

Tony leaves the glasses in the sink and moves to the living room. “I’m fine. Startled. But, fine.” He insists. “Are you staying over?” There’s a lilt to his question, an accidental giveaway; hopeful.

“Yes,” Steve says. Period. No place for arguments and it’s definite. I’m staying. Whether or not you like it.

Tony glances at him over a shoulder, “You know where your room is. I’ve got some work to do, I’ll be in the shop.”

Steve follows him instead. Sits on the couch and reads a book while Tony does his work. When the Sun comes up, he excuses himself to freshen up and make breakfast. When he returns, Tony’s face down on the couch, drooling into Steve’s jacket.

-

Steve stays.

“I’m not running a free bed-and-breakfast,” Tony tells him on day seven.

“Nope,” Steve agrees. “It’s bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks,” he crunches pointedly on the Cheetos. Tony glares at him.

The alarm blares. The lights shut down. JARVIS is unreachable again. Tony’s insides clamp down painfully and he shoves the sickening feel away to retrieve him.

Before he could move, he’s shoved down hard behind the couch and something shatters in the near distance. Once, twice and then several times.  

He grappled for Steve but couldn’t find him. He tries not to worry about JARVIS, confident he’ll find his own way back but -

“Steve,” he hisses into the darkness, temporarily blinded and he’s shivering from fright. His entire core is shut down; from electricity to the armour’s response signal. He feels as naked and vulnerable as he was in that cave in Afghanistan but this time, it’s in his own home.  

“Steve?” he calls again, crawling blindly. Something breaks the window and lands next to him and hits his toe. Barely a time to react, and he’s flung across the room and he only remembers a clean thud to his skull before he blacks out.

-

He wakes up with JARVIS’s name on the tip of his tongue and an irritating beeping sound surrounding him. He swats at it. Someone catches his hand.

“He’s fine,” They say. It’s Steve. “Natasha fixed him.”

Tony probably scrapes his throat trying to swallow dryly and rasps out, “He doesn’t need fixing.”

“Of course,” Steve hums, holding out a glass of water and Tony struggles to take; hand shaking like a leaf. He curses and Steve stands, tipping the glass closer to his mouth, placing the end of the straw in between his lips and he casually confesses, “I thought I’d lost you,” while Tony sips.

“Thought I killed you with my own hand.”

“There was,” Tony pauses to cough, “A grenade,” he finishes exhaustedly.

“I threw you across the room,” Steve informs in that same disconnected voice. Tony catches his free hand and gives it a squeeze, albeit weakly. Steve’s hand starts to shake.

“How long?” Tony asks.

“Two days,” Steve exhales, his head falls, forehead hits the edge of the bed and there’s a shiver that wrecks through his spine as he holds onto Tony’s hand through it. “Fuck,” he swears airily.

Tony shifts a little so he could card his other fingers through Steve’s hair and pets him idly.

“It’s him, wasn’t it?” He asks.

Steve nods, “We caught him.”

-

Turns out, Fury had Tony tracked without his consent and Natasha was strategically there to shoot Bucky Barnes in the abdomen. Two bullets through and through; both in the right hypogastric region and Steve got there just in time to knock him unconscious.

“Sorry, I don’t really know where to keep him,” Steve says abashedly, explaining why Bucky Barnes is now in the tower in Hulk’s containment, being treated by Bruce and Helen Cho.

“Where else would he go?” Tony shrugs, adjusting the strap holding his broken left arm for the nth time. When he looks up, Steve’s staring at him with some skin to bewilderment and fondness. He doesn’t know where he falls in between those two emotions so he huffs disgruntledly and tugs again at the strap. “I hate this.”

“Leave it be,” Steve’s voice is soft, his fingers gentle when they pry away Tony’s. “I know what you’re doing,” he tells him.

“What?” Tony scoffs.

Steve’s eyes are a brilliant shade of blue and they stay fixed on his as he fixes the strap, Tony’s collar and he says, “Sometimes when I look at you, what I feel shows and everytime you catch that instance, you look away. You change topics or you do something absurd to burst the moment. Either you choose to pretend that you don’t know how I feel for you or you don’t feel the same so you’re trying to be polite for my sake.”

Tony’s throat runs dry. This time, he can’t look away. Try as he might, his breath catches and his heart stutters. “The former,” he confirms shamefully.  

Steve’s hand over his chest stills, plastered over his breastbone, fingers tickling the edge of his collar and he asks, “Why?”

“Because I’m terrified of the idea that if I tell you how I feel, you will reject me.” Tony pauses. And then, because he’s got nothing else to lose, he adds, “There’s also the fact that you deserve so much better than me.”

Steve swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing along his throat and Tony glances at it distractedly, promptly snapping back to the sea of blue; now bleeding black, inside out.

“What if I want you?” Steve licks his lips.

Tony follows that motion, eyes zeroing in on there. Longing and lust all melting into something warm and thick and he rasps, “Then you have me.”

-

“This is so not how I imagined it.” Tony pulls away. He wastes two seconds glaring at his useless left arm and goes back in.

Steve’s chuckle breaks into a gasp when Tony yanks at his hair hard, nips at his lips, licks into his mouth and kisses him stupid.

“This is so not how I imagined it.” he groans.

-

“How’d you imagined it?” Steve asks, pressing the elevator button up and he turns to face Tony. “Do you imagine making out with me often?” There’s a leer to his smile, hidden behind mischief and pure Steve-ness and Tony leans in to taste it. “I imagine doing a lot of things to you, Rogers. Kissing is just the tip of the iceberg.”

-

They step out of the observation room; Barnes still drugged up to the gills until his bullet wounds heal and Bruce kindly let Tony know that his penthouse is destroyed while Steve winced.

Tony enters the elevator and he’s lost for a second before Steve follows in and presses the button to his guest suite. He takes Tony’s uninjured hand and kisses the inside of his wrist. “In your imaginations,” he asks, still not letting up and Tony snorts at him. But Steve persists, “Am I getting fucked or are you?” He’s a little flushed in the cheeks and that’s all there is to give away his abashment.

Tony hums, deliberately stalling. “How about I show you?” he offers impishly.

Steve stares him down, full Captain mode, sending shivers down his spine. “You’re not doing any strenuous activities until you heal.”

Tony stares him back, “Pretty sure, sucking your cock doesn’t fall in strenuous activities. Or laying there, letting you fuck me,” he taps at his chin thoughtfully. “Although, riding you would probably have to wait.”

Steve shudders. The elevator door splits open and Tony steps out.

-

Steve wasn’t kidding about the celibacy. Tony looks at him gravely and declares, “I am injured and horny and you are making this especially difficult for me.”

He receives a soft shirt to his face and a towering Steve who orders, “Stay still,” while he methodically helps Tony out of the arm sling and his t-shirt and into a new one. “I’m not doing your pants,” he draws the line.

Ten minutes later, Tony climbs onto the bed and shuffles closer to Steve. “I’m holding you accountable for this,” he points at his half-erection. Steve rolls his eyes and coaxes him into a prone position; tucks his broken arm safely out of the way and Tony’s body snuggly into his curves. There’s a hard line pressing into Tony’s ass cleft and he digs his fingers into Tony’s hip when Tony tries to rub up.

“Stop,” he warns, lips brushing over Tony’s nape. Breath hot and wet and something clench and shiver in Tony’s chest. “Once you’re healed, I’ll fuck you so hard you forget your name so, be patient. For now.”

“Fucking tease.” Tony growls into his pillow. Steve’s thumb over the arch of his hip bone rubs a circle and he nips at Tony’s lobe, “I know.”

There’s a war coming on; it’s somewhere near the horizon and Tony can almost taste it on his tongue, his bones ache from the revelations. There’s a prisoner of war two floors below who needs more than regular healing. Upstairs, his penthouse is in crumbles but that’s for next morning. Along with the calls he has to make to Pepper and Rhodey to elaborate what short-sentenced assurance Steve has given them when he was out of it.

For now, he’s right where he wants to be and he savours the feel; grabs onto Steve’s arm around his chest, sinks closer into his hold and he falls asleep to the pulse of Steve’s heartbeats.

#stony #stevetony #mine #Stony Week 2020

[girls-scenarios]

Would You?

Idol: Mina (gugudan, formerly ioi)

Prompt: Hiii can I get college AU of reader x Gugudan Mina where reader is trying their best to take care of a very drunk Mina in a party. Mina keeps asking nonsensical question but as she’s taken home, she blurts out ‘would you like me back if i confessed that I Iiked you?’ The ending is up to you, tyyyy!

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: I miss gugudan so much that it’s not even funny. I’ve kind of lost hope for a comeback now... Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this scenario!

♡ Tip Jar♡

You had never seen Mina so drunk. Sure, you’d been to parties with her before and the two of you had gotten drunk together plenty of times. She loved to party and have fun, and you loved to have fun with her. But she’d never gotten like... this.

She was giggling and holding your arm in an iron grasp, her eyes hazy as she rubbed her face against your shoulder. “There’s four banana’s,” she said through giggles, pointing at the bowl on the kitchen counter that did, in fact, have bananas in it. There were only two, though.

“And that’s funny?” You were nowhere near drunk enough to understand why the bananas had sent her into yet another fit of giggles. In fact, when you’d walked into the kitchen to find her giggling, slumped against the counter with a cup in her hand, tilted near spilling, you had promptly put down your drink out of worry for her wellbeing. You had no idea when she’d separated from Sejeong, who was currently belting out a song in the living room, but the last time you’d seen her, she hadn’t been anywhere near this drunk. What was she drinking?

She let out a string of noises that sounded vaguely like words before bursting into giggles again and you swallowed, your arm beginning to tingle and your face flushing as she shuffled even closer. Dealing with a drunk friend was hard enough, but dealing with a drunk friend who you had a crush on? You weren’t sure you were going to make it through the night.

“Why don’t we drink some water?” You suggested, steering her back to the fridge. Thankfully, Hana had stocked up on bottled water, and you pulled one out, opening it and handing it to Mina. She stared at it for a moment before coming back to and taking a sip.

“It’s not alcohol,” she said sadly, staring down at the bottle like it had offended her. With a nervous laugh, you encouraged her to take another sip.

“It’s not. It’ll help you feel better though, so think some more.”

“‘Mmm I don’t wanna.” She finally let go of your arm, only to hug you after putting the bottle on the counter. Your heart picked up and you wished you could push her away, but you knew that would likely result in making her cry and you didn’t want that.

“Um, how about we go back to the living room? They’re playing karaoke. You like karaoke.”

At this, her face lit up. “I do! Will you sing with me?” She slurred, looking up at you with her eyes wide and a pout on her lips. God, she was so cute. Even if she was drunk.

“S-sure. Let’s go.” Awkwardly, you detatched yourself from her grip and took her hand instead, which placated her, and she followed happily behind you.

It was now Haebin’s turn to sing, and as she dramatically performed her own song from a musical she’d been in, Sejeong and Hana were pretending to do the high notes behind her. You found a seat open beside Sally, who gave you a sweet little smile as you guided Mina to sit beside her.

“I forgot you were here!” Oh god, she was drunk too. Sober Sally was sweet and quiet. Drunk Mimi was spacey and spoke her mind. You just laughed, feeling way too sober for this.

“Oh, that-.”

“You can’t forget about (Y/N)!” Mina jumped to your defense. Or, really, just turned in her spot to frown at Sally. “They’re so important!”

“Thanks, but it’s okay,” you said, hoping to calm her down with a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s not. I didn’t forget about you. I can’t forget about you.” She pouted and your heart skipped a beat before you could remind yourself that she was drunk and probably didn’t mean anything that she was saying. She grabbed your hand again and pulled you down onto the arm of the couch beside her, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to push her away when she put her head on your lap.

Soon, Haebin was done with her song and Nayoung and Soyee jumped up to sing a trot song and Mina hummed along, not bothering to sit up as she moved her arms and cheered. Halfway through the song, she looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Do you think a microphone could hurt someone?”

You blinked. “What? Like, if you hit someone with it?”

“No, do you think the electricity could, like, hurt someone?”

You had no idea what she was talking about, so you just laughed. “I don’t think so. Not the Bluetooth one.”

“Oh.” She stared up at you for a moment, making you shift under her intense gaze. “Do you think dogs can talk?”

“I don’t think so, Mina.”

“Oh.” This one made her frown, her lips turned into a pout once again. “The dog from Up could talk.”

“That’s because it was an animated movie.”

“I want a talking dog.”

“Me too.”

Mimi’s drunken yell that it was her turn distracted Mina for a moment, but soon she was staring up at you again.

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

“If you were a worm?” This conversation was getting weird. You found yourself laughing again, hoping that your answer wouldn’t give your feelings away. ‘Well, I guess. But how would you turn into a worm?”

“You never know. But you wouldn’t squish me?”

“Not if I knew it was you.”

“Good.” She seemed satisfied with your answer and you let out a relieved sigh, only for her to startle you by sitting up and grabbing your hand. “We wanna sing!” She yelled, interrupting Mimi, and you groaned internally. It was going to be a long night.

-

By the end of the party, only you, Haebin, and Hana were sober enough to help everyone get home. Haebin took responsibility for Nayoung and Soyee while Hana convinced Sally, Sejeong, and Hyeyeon to stay at the house with her and Mimi. Which, of course, left you with Mina.

Her apartment was close to yours, so you accepted your fate, calling goodbye to your friends as you wrapped an arm around her to make sure she didn’t fall and set off on your way.

The night air was cool and it seemed to sober her up a little bit, because she was mostly quiet as the two of you walked, only humming occasionally under her breath. But as you walked up to her apartment door, she suddenly turned to you and grabbed your arm, holding you tight again.

“Is something wrong?” You asked as you opened the door, her code already memorized from how much time you’d spent at her place.

“I need to know something.” She was obviously still drunk, her face flushed and her body swaying slightly, and you sighed, guiding her inside.

“What is it?”

“Would you still like me if I confessed that I like you?”

Her words made you freeze in your tracks, your heartbeat roaring in your ears. “W-what?” You turned to face her, your eyes wide and your chest feeling tight.

“I like you,” she said bluntly, studying your face, then slumping forward. “Sorry, you hate me now, it’s okay.”

“I don’t hate you!” You were rushing, trying to find the right words to say. “Actually, I like you too. I could never hate you. But you’re drunk, Mina. Right now isn’t the time to talk about this.”

“What do you mean?”

You took a deep breath. “I don’t want to do anything to you in this state. So if you remember this conversation when you wake up, call me and then we can talk. When we’re both sober.”

“Oh. Okay.” She looked down at the ground. “I am tired.”

“I know you are,” you said softly, guiding her to her room. “So get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning. Okay?”

She sat down on her bed and accepted the pajamas you put in her arms. “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Mina,” you said, turning for the door, and after a moment, she replied.

“Goodnight.”

Your heart pounded the entire way home, and even later, laying in your bed, her words still repeated in your head, over and over. And you knew you weren’t going to be getting much sleep.

-

The next morning, you woke up to a text from Hana complaining about spilled alcohol in the carpet, but no messages from Mina. The events of the night before were still fresh in your mind, and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed as you sighed and padded to your bathroom to wash up.

It wasn’t until you were searching through your cabinets for a late breakfast that your phone rang, making your breath catch in your throat.

It was her. Did she remember?

“Hello?” You tried your best not to sound too hopeful, but your heart was already jumping around in your chest and your stomach felt like it was being tied into knots. On the other side of the line, you heard her clear her throat.

“Hey (Y/N). Thanks for taking care of me last night.” There was a slight waver to her voice, and she sounded like she was in pain. She probably was in pain: hangovers were getting worse as the two of you got older.

“Well I couldn’t just leave you to your own devices,” you said, adding a playful lilt to your voice. “You were so drunk you asked me if dogs could talk.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” She let out a soft laugh. “I was a mess. I guess I should stay away from tequila from now on.”

You swallowed down the ball of nerves beginning to ball in your throat before replying. “So, how much do you remember from last night?”

“Most of it. I remember all of the singing and clinging onto you and asking you a bunch of dumb questions.” She paused for a moment. “And one not dumb question when you brought me home.”

“Oh.” The breath left your lungs and you leaned against your counter, your body thrumming with so much anticipation that you were almost shivering. “So you remember me asking you to call?”

“I do. And I’ve been super nervous all morning, but since my drunk self decided to confess, there’s no going back now. So I called to say that I, um, still like you.”

Happiness and relief washed over you, giddiness replacing the nerves and making you want to burst into laughter. “That’s a good thing, since I still like you too.”

“Oh. Good.” She started to laugh, and you joined in, enjoying the sound even through the phone speaker. “That’s great. So, uh, should we date now?”

“That seems to be the next step,” you joked, feeling like you were floating. “So I’ll ask you out on our first date. Would you like to go to brunch with me?”

“I guess I’ll have to thank drunk me.” She giggled on the other line, making you smile so wide that your cheeks hurt. “Because I’d love to go out with you. How does eleven sound?”

“That sounds perfect.”

#femifics #gugudan #gu9udan #mina #kang mina #gugudan mina #gugudan scenarios #mina scenarios #gugudan mina scenarios #girl group scenarios #kpop scenario #girl groups #kpop girl groups

[flow-green]

Fresh dog onwer and a Fuck-It-Diet

Slowly I am crawling out from my black hole. Few months of silence has been broken. I disappeared for a bit due to quite severe reason. I will not reveal it here in details, if anyone is interested, feel free to DM me :). It was not related to my ED. Life just happened and decided to throw quite a tricky challenge on my way, which luckily got solved in a positive way, and within March I managed to pick myself back up again.

These two months were quite adventurous and opened my eyes on many levels. I started to appreciate more what and who surrounds me and how dear and important my family and close ones are to me. I realized that I hurt them with my self-destructive behavior and this constant worrying over me is an unnecessary burden and a source for stress. So, I am really grateful for this experience. More and more I have started to let go of the restrictions and demons in my head and slowly move towards a mentality that my body is my own temple, my own home and serves me and myself only, and not someone else. Or, well, perhaps in an uncertain future it will be a temporary home for another person, so I should really take care of my body.

These last two weeks have opened my eyes even more, because by a happy accident I stumbled upon a book, but more on that a bit later. First, I would like to tell you about one of the biggest changes of my life, which has brought so much happiness and positivity to our lives. Namely, we now have a new family member. No, I did not have a baby (a bit ironic in this context...), but now there is a constant cheerful pit-a-pat on our floor, made by four cute little paws. On February 16 we got an unexpected opportunity to get a dog! Charlie has now been with us almost 2 months, 2 amazing months. In his quite unique size and unknown breed (we suspect a fox is somehow involved...) he has turned us into these crazy dog lady and sir, you know, like a crazy cat lady.

I think if people saw us right now just the three of us in our natural habitat, they would never ever dare to do any official busines with us.

Anyhow, here he is. Charlie even has his own Instagram account (another sign that we definitely are not normal)

Mr. Dog has a massive amount of dog fur which happily floats all over the house and if we vacuum the entire place on Wednesday morning, all the fur bunnies have taken their natural place back to themselves.

Charlie is cool. With his happy face he rides with us to all the places around the country, he loves car rides. Every weekend we go to some new place in Estonia to explore, our 10 km (over 6 miles) hikes have become our cool new habit. One morning was especially special. We both lost our sleep around 4 AM in the morning and after an hour of chit chat in the bed while Charlie still slept between us (yes, he is a heavy sleeper and definitely not a morning person and yes, he sleeps in our bed. Deal with it), we decided that enough of bedtime and no more sleep. let’s wake up as the sun will rise at 6 AM. Let’s make some breakfast and lunch to go, watch the sunrise with coffee and then go to an early hike in Käsmu, around the epic seaside in Northern Estonia. Done deal. This was one of the most amazing days in my life.

Charlie is just like a therapy dog. Every time when I feel like breaking down in tears, I hug Charlie tight and let him comfort me with his soft cuddles and confident and wise eyes. All the sorrow and worries are gone. Charlie has also made us so active physically. We take several longer or shorter walks throughout the day. I have started to really love walking and running again and for me, for myself, and not for calories or for punishment. I am not counting distance or pace anymore. Every evening I fall asleep, happily excited about my upcoming morning run. I truly enjoy every last step I take.

But, as I promised, a few lines about my new ‘diet’ called The Fuck It Diet. Recently, I pampered myself with another e-reader and this motivated me to search some books which are suggested for people struggling with eating disorders. ‘The Fuck It Diet’ popped up and caught my eye. I managed to get it as an e-book and eagerly dug the pages in. The first lines already made my jaw drop: at first with anger towards the stated facts and later on because of complete understanding.

This book has totally topsy-turvy’ed my views as it describes my current situation in exquisite correct details. My whole belief system about diets, eating habits and weight numbers have completely changed. The whole book teaches you how to get rid of food addiction, self-esteem issues and obsession about body image and weight.

Why have I spent over 10 years battling with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder? Why do I relapse in my hardest moments and total body hating world into an absurd calorie restriction, where I lose 6+ kg in 2 months, can keep myself skinny, yet sad for maximum 3-4 months, because I will not allow myself to eat anything as I want to lose even more to keep some buffer weight, then get tired and surrender and then eat back all those lost pounds and even more within few weeks? Why can’t I lose weight if I decide that instead of starving myself instead, I will go on some new diet, but this gives no result, weight will not drop, I get frustrated and get back to purging out food or get back to bingeing? Why does this wheel go round, and round and my weight will keep fluctuating vigorously and never stabilizes? Who do I go from one extreme to another? I have punished and scolded myself for years. I have tried to search or reasons: perhaps my genes are messed up and I am forever destined to keep my intake at 500 calories, so I can keep myself in that sweet spot of underweight and normal weight (because that is the only acceptable weight range for me. Sick, isn’t it?)

And then I got my answer: it is not about me or my genes. It’s because of these diets, no matter how beautiful the creators have painted them. It’s because human body has not meant to follow absurd rules about eating, be it fasting, LCHF, keto, paleo, raw vegan, or even mindful eating (eat slow! Rate your hunger! It’s under 10? You are not about to collapse from hunger? Good, drink some lemon water instead. See? Another bunch of rules to stress your brain out).

Most people commute from one diet to another, follows the rules and counts the calories for few months and then a relapse enters. it always does. Then, you will buy another diet plan, which promises even better results. You will haul for absurdly expensive foods like nut butters, almond flour, coconut oil. You replace your favorite foods with some silly alternative. You Google why the hell do I have a massive craving for Chocolate, which of course is your forbidden food. Google tells you have a magnesium deficiency (which might actually be true you know), but the solution: eat 12 almonds and forget about the chocolate. Be honest, that answer frustrates you a bit, deep down. So, instead to go and buy the damn chocolate and make your brain shut up, you force the craving down because FORBIDDEN! But at some point, you still go, buy the chocolate, eat it, and then promise yourself that now you will not touch another piece of chocolate once in upcoming months, will also restrict your intake a few weeks and eat your almonds. And are miserable. And then you eat some more chocolate. And are miserable again. Round and round, it goes.

And you gain those 10 pounds back. WHY, for the love of god?

Simple: your body has no clue whatsoever anymore, what the hell is going on. Years and years, you have kept your body in an unnatural state of starving, famine. Dietary culture has taught us that in order to lose weight all nice, you need to keep yourself in a calorie deficit and this should be around 1200-1500 cals in a day, maximum calorie intake cannot be more than 2000. You count every bite, every mouthful, you write it all down to MyFitnessPal. You eat your food, but you still crave for something more and are already worried about your next meal: can I eat something soon? What can I eat for dinner? Dude, you JUST ate, and you SHOULD feel full. If you don’t, there is obviously a problem. If you are full and STILL want something, there is obviously a problem. And your body is screaming at you the only solution. You worry about food 85% of your day (for me it was 100%, yes, even when I was having sex. Just SPECTACULARLY awesome!)

Body is not stupid. Body now has been taught that no matter what, there is always a next diet and famine state around every corner all the time. Body is scared. Body listens to the brain which constantly repeats those endless rules about eating. No chocolate, no pizza, bread is bad, cheese is bad, ice cream?! Are you stupid? Only a mango sorbet, something sugar free and watery or even better: make your own ice cream from banana (but remember, only HALF A banana!). Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest and then you will go and buy 2 liters of ice cream and eat it all in one go. You will torture yourself afterwards because ice cream is forbidden. You cannot eat it; you need to restrict and go for a 20-k run.

Now comes the most sillies, but the most logical fact: in order to break the cycle, there is only one simple solution: EAT! Everything. A lot. Eat it all that you have craved for years and years and have vetoed. Eat your cravings. Eat even when you are not hungry. Just eat whenever you feel like it. Eat until you are absolutely 100% satisfied and say honestly: no more. This process can take weeks, months, even years, depending on the individual. People in the book describe how they needed three whole years to reprogram their body back to its natural cycle. And it is scary, boy it’s scary. But you just need to take the leap into the water full speed, no splashing with your toes a bit to test the water. The faster you jump, the faster you get the wheels running. Result? Body calms down. Brain can finally rest and reprogram itself back to the way it must be. No food is forbidden anymore (unless you have a severe nut allergy. Please do not eat nuts if you might actually die). The brain now knows that whenever it wants something, it can actually get it, no strings attached, and calms down.

Yes, your will gain weight, sorry, this is not all strawberries and cream (yum, now I want strawberries and cream, will get some for dinner). At first, your body will not trust you. Would you trust yourself if you have been treated miserably for years? It is certain that it’s a trick and another diet is just around the corner. It takes time for it to calm down and start functioning the way it was meant to be. Weight will go up until the body heals and then... it will stop, the weight will naturally balance out, probably even go back down between the weight set points that everyone has, depending on your body and personal physical factor. I know that my middle goldilocks zone is about 5-6 kg more than my absolute lowest weight (right now I am around 10 kg heavier than my all time lowest and it is still in between my weight set points) and I am now completely okay with that number.

And I have now practiced this approach for half a week. Day before yesterday I had some Hesburger (McDonalds basically; had a vegan burger with FRIES), yesterday I ordered myself a vegan pizza without a second thought, with vegan cheese and everything, the whole package. I have now eaten ice cream for 4 days straight (one of my biggest forbidden foods), some vegan desserts. And yesterday I had my first shocking moment. I bought myself another ice cream after the pizza and right after I had bought it, I realized, that I actually do not want it right now. I have no craving. I got home and threw it in the freezer. After my dinner of soup and grilled cheese (!!!), I decided that I am going to eat the ice cream now. I had eaten half of it when I felt that I don’t want it anymore. I still finished it as it was a really small cone, but it was clearly more than enough. The rest of the evening I had no more cravings at all, no hunger. I didn’t even think about food anymore. I just enjoyed the movie with my SO and Charlie. Usually after dinner I was already overthinking about my next meal that was obviously hours away in the morning as no food after 6 PM and I definitely want something as breakfast is so far away, and besides, I try to postpone breakfast anyway as much as possible because intermittent fasting 16 hours +, which made me especially cranky and created countless of mornings with fights and tears with my SO. But now... no cravings and hunger for the entire night. Today morning I woke up with stomach still full from last night. I did not think about foo. Few hours later I bought some oatmeal, carrots, and hummus – and not because it is super healthy, and I am not allowed to eat anything else. No. I actually had a massive craving for carrots and hummus and oatmeal. For lunch, we decided to take some local hand-made burgers. I ordered vegan burger, but as a naked version without buns. Once again, not because empty forbidden bread calorie, but because I actually wanted that hearty vegan patty to sit on a pile of fresh leafy greens, peppers, tomatoes, and cucumbers. My stomach was still quite full of carrot snacks and past dew days’ fast food. I had no inner battle about this with craving vs forbidden food. Nope, I actually did not want any bread or bun.

That was around 3 PM. And hours later I am still full. Back then I had a sever fear over next meal or even a desperate need for additional snack (a forbidden chocolate, ice cream or something similar), but nooo, forbidden, which made the craving and fear even worse.

I have not thought about food today anymore, except now that I write this.

I have gained weight, yes, and it scares me to the core, and I confessed this few days ago to my SO. He looked at me with surprised eyes and said that to be honest, he has not even noticed I have gained, he only realizes this when I have days with severe low self-esteem and when I try to hide my naked body. I think the gain is around 5-6 kg (over 10 pounds), which is not even that big of a deal. Of course, I see and know I have gained, because my clothes now fit kind of perfectly, some rare pieces are a bit tight (I’m in XS-S size, 4-6, and clothes used to be kind of baggy even. Girl, do you need more proof that you are NOT FAT?), my legs are not super-tight sticks with a thigh cap and my collar bones do not press out. I have now extra inches on my body and probably this is the most difficult thing to accept. Recently, I saw over years that the first weight number of 5 has turned into 6 (in kg), over night, which means it was probably water weight from weekend of drinking and salty foods, so this means the actual one is still few kg lower, but the fear is still very real and at that moment I realized that I am tired of crying over a pair of numbers. I am so done. On this day, I asked my partner to hide the scale so I would not now where it is. I went for my morning run and when I came back, I saw him grinning and the scale had disappeared.

On Saturday we went to a birthday party. There was a hot tab with out-doors transportable sauna. Everyone was wild from happiness, except me. I had my bikini with me but for few days already I had stressed out that I will not join the tub, I will not expose my fat body like that. But my friend suggested me to break down the stubbornness, overcome my fears and just do it. No one will judge me, nobody notices, nobody even cares. All those fears are demons in my head. At the party I was sure that I will not go. But then, at some point, I gave myself a mental kick on the butt and went for it. And I am not sorry. I had a blast! Didn’t seem like anyone was giving me looks from head to toes and judged me with their eyes ‘god she is fat!’

This week has been tough, but I now have so many small wins in my bag and overcoming several problems - something I thought I can never do. My motivation has skyrocketed. I could never believe that there might be a time where I am not thinking about food so obsessively. Of course, I know that this is just the beginning of my healing and a long way is to go. I do believe it takes months to amend the damage done in over 10 years.

One of my first fears when reading the book was: What if I eat myself to the absurd size of 400 lbs. seen in those scary reality shows. And my brain gave me the logical answer right away: those 400pound people are also mentally sick, obsessive over food. They have eaten themselves to the slaves of food from very early stage of their lives, being influenced by family, social environment and whatnot, but I am only in my early thirties and 80% of my life I have eaten well-balanced foods and been in the normal weight range, some years I struggled with slight overweight due to puberty and stress from massive changes in life, but this sorted itself out naturally as I got rid of the puberty hormones and stress, weight fluctuated minimally, until I hurled myself head first to the world of diets and eating disorders,

So, most definitely I cannot eat myself to a 400 lbs., it is not physically possible. Perhaps the most real case scenario would be me gaining to 65 kg +, which is coming close to small obesity, but even this is not highly possible as I see that when eating normally, I cannot fit that much food in me and when my metabolism actually heals, the weight should stabilize out and probably even go down a bit. That would actually be a dream: that it will stop going up AND DOWN. I really  want that mental and physical stability back.

I miss a normal life. I am in a seriously perfect relationship which has been really close on the edge of abyss because of my sickly behavior. I have gambled with so many good things in my life and almost lost it all. Enough, seriously. I have

#thefuckitdiet #ed #ed recovery #eating disoder recovery #My Story #my journey

[balkanradfem]

Okay so here I am, poor and determined to figure out how to survive on food I can grow on my own, with the resources I have. That would be: a spot in community garden, seeds I've gathered by collecting and sharing, anything I can forage, and determination (no gardening experience tho). I realized right away that for a survival you need to have a stash of grains, legumes and potatoes (or similar). Since I don't have garden space to grow large scale grains or legumes, I had to source them from the store, for now. Oil as well, as I didn't get edible sunflowers yet.

But then, for everything else, would a garden be enough? The answer is yes, if you're filled with crazy defiance to buying stuff.

I found that as long as I have grain and oil at my disposal, I can easily go thru summer eating from garden. Last summer I was drowning in tomatoes, peppers and green beans, I had much more than I could eat so I canned a lot of salsa, dried plenty of basil, made some tomato sauce. I got enough garlic for entire year, plenty of herbs to eat and dry, I even attempted to sun-dry tomatoes and failed, but I know how to do it for this year. I froze a lot of green beans and some berries. I had also foraged for, and conserved a lot of fruit! Had a stash of walnuts as well.

I had trouble growing carrots, and my few potatoes got eaten by pests, so I was really missing them that year. I also couldn't figure out how to grow cabbage and cabbage savoy correctly, these crops did badly. Swiss chard and peas got destroyed in road construction. (Which I will never forgive.)

So autumn comes, and tomatoes all die, but peppers are thriving all the way until December. I'm still getting some green beans so I am doing just fine. I re-plant cabbage, cabbage savoy, and broccoli. This time they do better. I also plant lots of onions, garlic, celery, parsley, onion greens. I got a stash of potatoes and lots of swiss chard from friends so I am having a good time. And it's time to harvest all the winter squash I've been growing so now my basement is filled with food.

(Note that I'm still buying beans, rice, split peas, chickpeas, soy, oats and flour, I wasn't trying to survive without protein, only refused to buy vegetables.)

So the winter is here and I'm slightly worried because the garden doesn't seem to produce much, onions and cabbages mostly stopped growing, only thing that's doing well are my two broccoli plants! And those broccoli plants were amazing. I was able to harvest broccoli from them from December all the way to March. I was surprised with every visit that the broccoli just grew new florets and they're all tasty. Hell, I'm still eating it now in May because their seeds grow in little edible pods! And they take a bit of effort to harvest but taste awesome stir fried. Broccoli is a winter friend! (I left enough pods on the plants to still be able to get seeds. They grew thousands of them.)

I found out lots of people were able to grow cabbage, lettuce and other cold-hardy crops by making little greenhouses, just with some sticks and a cover. Keeping them little protected from cold and frost will enable them to grow. I was not yet up to trying that before seeing just what happens if you leave them as it is. Will go for covers next year.

So with the power of broccoli and my food stash, I actually bought next to no vegetables during winter. I think I got some onions and carrots once. Butternut and hokkaido squashes were eaten by March and delicious. Eating salsa was beyond satisfying and eating all the preserved fruit made me feel super fancy. Nothing got spoiled, which was incredible because I'm a first-time cannner.

Spring brought me onion greens and I love them so much I'm satisfied just having them. I can't make myself like lettuce no matter what. Cursed green. I start taking celery, accidental carrots and parsley home and make soups. I can't wait for peas. Strawberries are first to give me fruit. Foraging brings me nettle and dandelion greens and I finally get some calcium into my system.

I get some extra garden space and plant extra potatoes, green beans, squash and even summer melon. I will have zucchini and ground cherry and kale this year. I was trying to get okra but my seeds never arrived in mail. I'm also planting leek, and finally got swiss chard to grow.

I feel greatly optimistic about being self-sustainable with food! The first year was a little rough and I did lose weight when I didn't want to lose any, I was sometimes struggling to make meals because of ptsd, and during crisis my nutrition was awful. But overall, it was great. I got to know how sweet baby peas taste! I got to taste home-grown food all year and eat fresh from the garden. I learned so many recipes, and created lots. If I had soil to grow some corn, wheat, beans, chickpeas, soy, oats and potatoes, I would be all set. Having soil, is in fact, priceless. Soil and seeds. All we need to live.

I still need to figure out how to make salt, sugar and oil, or make replacements for them. I don't think I would need a big amount of them if I had lots of legumes and vegetables, but salt and sugar are necessary for conserving. I found many videos about processing wheat at home and they seem doable! I could have flour for sure. How are oat flakes made tho? I did not find that out.

I don't know if it's just bc I'm out of touch but there wasn't many foods I missed at all. I missed chocolate, but I did have cacao powder and made lots of sweets. I missed bananas but could definitely live without them. I can't think of any other food I lacked. Joy of defying capitalism is greater than joy of having bananas.

When I build a cob house, I'll have tomatoes growing under every window so I can just reach out and grab them for a snack. Strawberries will be covering every bit of available soil. I'll have sunflowers growing in circles, creating shade for me to nap in. I'll lie in the grass and watch tomatoes grow. All as it should be.

#growing food #food security #separatism planning #surviving on garden food #gardening #eating habits #food stash #long post