#and that's what it is. yes even if you're also aspec.

[roguelibrarian]

If you can't bring yourself to say one (1) positive thing about sex or romance repulsed aspecs without immediately pivoting to assuring sex and romance favorable aspecs that they're So Valid and making it about them or lecturing sex and romance repulsed people about our "responsibility" to "work hard" to avoid "becoming sex/romance negative" because we're "more susceptible to it" then how about you just shut up and not subject us to your fake allyship in the first place?

#i am so fucking tired #fuck all the way off #aro blogging #romance repulsed #sex repulsed #aphobia cw #and that's what it is. yes even if you're also aspec.

[sophieinwonderland]

Found a Hate Blog in The #Plural Tag. 😮‍💨

As I covered recently, "Plural" is an inclusive word with origins in endogenic and non-disordered systems.

If any anti-endo posts in the "#plural" tag or other inclusive tags, don't expect your DNIs to be respected.

They also are doing this knowingly. People have already tried to contact them about using the inclusive plural tag and the hate blog has stubbornly refused.

So if they're going to post in inclusive tags, I figured I might as well respond to some of their vent posts in anti-endo tags. As always, if anti-endos have a problem with this or feel boundaries are being unfairly crossed, please take it up with the hate blog I'm responding to that's invading our spaces.

Also, really weird how they just jump straight into saying "pro-endos" aren't systems either. Hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of traumagenic DID systems whose disorders and trauma are just valid as yours. And they manage to not be bigots too!

Wait... are they claiming that ALL dissociation can only be caused by trauma?

Although previous research has implicated a history of childhood trauma in the development of dissociative tendencies, insufficient cognizance (in this context) has been taken of the distinction between pathological and nonpathological dissociation. In this study, the relationship between childhood trauma and both pathological and nonpathological dissociation was investigated in a sample of 100 Australian adults. Pathological dissociation was positively predicted by dimensions of childhood trauma, but no such relationship was found for nonpathological dissociation (psychological absorption). The data are consistent with the traumagenic model of the dissociative disorders, but factors other than childhood trauma may also be pertinent.

Amazing how they compare us with anti-vaxxers while trying to claim all dissociation is traumagenic. This wasn't even hard to find. 🙄

"I don't care about any morals"

Well, at least you're up front about it.

Also, I tend to check the DID tags every now and then and you know what I don't see there? Endogenic systems!

"#Endo Safe" tags are more often than not used by pro-endo traumagenic systems.

Guess what! If you have DID, you get to post in the DID tags. Being a hateful bigot isn't a requirement! Anyone with DID has the right to post in the DID tags, and can tag their post as endo safe too!

Maybe you wouldn't get as many anons from endogenic systems if you stop posting in inclusive tags. Just a thought!

How are they harmful to the community again?

Weren't you just saying earlier that pro-endos were stealing resources? Now you're acknowledging that they're making resources for the community, but this is also bad?

LOL!

Genic labels literally only exist because of the pro-endo community. And the anti-endo community notoriously hates xeno-origins like NPD-genic. Yes, people will assume you're endo-safe when you use xeno-origins because these terms, like most resources in the plural community, were made by pro-endos.

Keep it up guys! It's working! We're spreading!

Sorry, I don't feel like rebutting anything here. I just appreciate seeing that our efforts are paying off!

The Future is Plural! 😁

Stop!

This talking point has been completely debunked.

System hopping was used by pro-endos 15 years before the earliest association with RAMCOA. The idea that it was a RAMCOA term is a total lie invented by anti-endos!

OSDD-1A and OSDD-1B are not actually official disorders. There is an OSDD. The first example, called OSDD-1 sometimes, gives two possible presentations. One with less distinct alters and amnesia, and another with no amnesia. But these aren't called OSDD-1a or OSDD-1b.

If your goal is education, this nuance is important.

Could it be because ASPEC people have dealt with a ton of exclusionism from some queer communities, and are more accepting of other people as a result? And perhaps they also recognize similarities between system exclusionists and queer exclusionists?

You're coming and posting in our tags!

That's why people keep interacting with you! "Plural" is a term coined by non-disordered systems, you've been told this, and you insist on posting in inclusive tags anyway!

You don't get to bust in someone's door, complain about them in their home, and then tell them not to interact with you! It doesn't work like that!

Funny how these are the only sources they can provide. And they exclusively deal with DID without even touching on other forms of plurality.

Anyway...

The ICD-11 says you can experience "multiple distinct personality states" without a dissociative disorder.

The creators of the theory of structural dissociation have said hypnosis and mediumship may involve self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality.

And Transgender Mental Health, written by Eric Yarbrough and published by the American Psychiatric Association (who publishes the DSM) says you can be plural without trauma or a disorder.

Sources repeatedly affirm that it's possible to be plural without trauma!

Anyone who claims it's impossible to be plural without trauma is either ignorant or lying.

And if you're going to keep spreading hate and misinformation, at least keep it out of inclusive tags!

#syscourse #pro endo #pro endogenic #anti endo #anti endogenic #sysblr #systems

[nothorses]

re: your recent ask abt terf recruitment

Long ask, but your anecdote struck a cord as I had a very similar experience to you when it comes to hidden terfs online

I was a younger and less experienced in online spaces, I had no idea what a terf was (had originally assumed it was some garden variety Internet insult not to be taken much note of) and ended up following a terf that didn’t openly say they were a terf (but openly labeled themself a radfem, another label I was only vaguely aware of)

I was very lucky that I had also followed ppl who were anti terf and one of their posts on identifying terf rhetoric set off alarm bells, which led to me digging into the other persons blog and realizing the “predatory men” they referred to were actually trans women

This revelation led to a lot of self reflection of how I ended up in the early stages of terf recruitment, especially the “men bad” mindset I was prone to (which is how I was drawn in in the first place), but the idea that I had thoughtlessly agreed with such beliefs was obviously horrifying to me

It’s because of this experience that I get so frustrated with many ppl who seem to be unable to pick up terf rhetoric and gotcha tactics without a neon sign saying they hate trans women in specific. Especially bc I see so many ppl who openly say they’re anti terf & anti transphobia but blatantly and thoughtlessly regurgitate terf talking points (men bad, equating genitalia/hormones to personal morality, aspec & bi/pan exclusion, “q slur”, etc etc)

The idea ppl seem to have that they’re magically immune to terf rhetoric bc “well I don’t hate trans women” is so dangerous, the most dangerous thing to believe when it comes to a pervasive ideology is that “I could never be tricked into believing that” when clearly you can! Many are! Without even realizing who they’re agreeing with!

And when ppl DO get called out and told that it’s terf rhetoric many bury their heads in the sand and deny it

It’s just so disheartening, I don’t know how ppl expect to prevent terfs recruitment if they refuse to acknowledge how they gain foothold and exploit pre-existing mindsets in the first place

God, yes, all of this.

imo, people who have actually been through and seen how TERF recruitment works are also the most valuable resources we have in learning how to prevent it. I interviewed an ex-Radfem a while back, and the insight is genuinely so helpful.

(I also have a couple of other people I asked to interview before I left for camp and never followed up with 😬 if that's you, I'm sorry, and I will probably try to DM you again soonish in case you're still down for that.)

#terfism

[hypervoxel]

Enough discourse, I wanna post about headcanons

The Vees are a polycule to me, but in a way that I can't even explain without an entire slowburn fanfic (stay tuned. I'm a slow writer). But I will try.

Velvette:

I do adhere to the lesbian Velvette headcanon. She's dating Vox and still occasionally joins Valentino for a threesome with him. When she first joined the Vees, Velvette used to identify as bisexual (and still loves the bi flag colors the most) and all three of them used to date, before Velvette realized that she's a lesbian.

She and Vox are still dating, and they have an open relationship.

Vox:

Vox's response to Velvette coming out was, "So you're breaking up with Val?" Yes, his pronouns are he/him. No, he's not a man. He'd long shed the fleshy confines of humanity and gender along with it.

Vox is aspec, agender, autistic. To me. He's sex favorable of the 'I want to do it for my partner's enjoyment' flavor. Watching from cameras brings him just as much enjoyment, and he watches everything and everyone, living vicariously, a voyer through the screen. As a result of that, he's so so touched starved, but his sense of feeling is muted (the consequences of betraying flesh in favor of the machine). Soft touches to his synthetic skin don't really register, his sense of feeling restricted to mostly pressure and pain, so he's become a bit of a masochist in response because that's something physical.

Valentino:

He just likes sex. He chases pleasure in any form he can find, dopamine rushes from numerous drugs, orgasmic release, the rush of power from crushing someone underfoot. Anything and everything, he'll try it all. And none of it is really enough, so he'll never stop chasing more.

Valentino doesn't consider his relationship with Vox romantic, even if Vox totally does. They're friends, sure, business partners, absolutely, and fuckbuddies wherever Val is in the mood for it. But romance isn't Val's thing. That's hard work, and Val saves romancing for potential new hires he wants to sign a contract with. What Vox and he have is also written down on a contract, joining their businesses together too closely to be parted without blood, but it's not the same. Not to Val. So, he wouldn't call Vox his boyfriend, but he also wouldn't correct anyone who said they were. Vox is someone he can let his guard down with, one of the few people who would never want to get out of the contract their names are signed on. They work well together. That's better than any romance you can get in Hell, Val thinks.

Val and Velvette are catty besties. Pan/Lesbian solidarity and hostility all in one.

#the vees #hazbin hotel vees #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #okay i hate typing official tag. we're done here #not done with rambling in the tags tho #ace Vox vs Alastor having wildly different experiences with their sexuality so that even tho they are the same sexuality‚ #that only drives them further apart. is something that can be so meaningful #to me!! #also human Vox in my own little headcanon world had So Many body issues that becoming a TV was an improvement to him #but it's hell so he's still disconnected from his own body by the fact that his skin isn't flesh and doesn't feel #the nerves he came to hate have burned away and the fibre optics glowing inside of him are cold‚ unfeeling light #and now he would rather feel pain than feel nothing #he's rewired his sensors so that pain becomes pleasure - or as close to such that he can feel #velvette is the newest vee of course and she was dropped right in to Vox and Val's situationship #and she quickly found out that Vox doesn't just like watching - he also likes being watched. it was not shocking discovery #he likes her watching Val and him fuck‚ he likes Val watching her fuck him. #and he loves cuddling at the end. she loves it too. they can be so soft. i can make them be soft >:3 #so import to me that their relationships are so fucking toxic tho. they're soft and they're horrible <3 #Ace Vox

[aroaceconfessions]

this one's for all the aros and aces out there that see the insanely unhealthy takes that amatonormativity spits out and conclude that allos must all be insane and have no self esteem and need to chill out/need to be on their own for a while to figure stuff out.

im aroace-spec but alloplatonic and i understand seeing amatonormative posts and going "wow allos are all insane?" because i was there for a while. i know how it is. so here's a few allo myths that im here to explain as best i can based on my own limited experiences; if any actual allos want to jump in and correct me in the comments/reblogs, feel free!

1) allos really do feel a "need" for a relationship meeting their attraction, and yes, food/hunger is a good analogy for this feeling. i think of it like an extra "need" meter, like if you copy-pasted the "need food" bar a few times and replaced "food" with "friends" or "romantic partner" or "sexual partner". obviously you won't physically die if you run low on your attraction meters but it is emotionally and psychologically damaging or even tortuous.

2) all the "I'm worthless without a partner" or "my life hasn't started until I'm married" bullshit is just amatonormativity. allos are very sad without their attraction need being met but if your self worth comes from whether or not all your needs are being met then there are bigger problems than just the unmet needs. looking forward to meeting someone that jives well with you + that you're attracted to is well and good but the moment your relationship status is the determining factor for your self esteem you're just buying into amatonormativity again.

3) yeah so basically a lot of allos talk about needing relationships and im here to say that they are not joking. we crave connection in a very deep-seated way and it's very difficult to just like... hold our breath, so to speak, and wait until we've figured stuff out before trying to pursue relationships. it's the kind of thing where you kind of have to work on it as you go i guess.

anyway it's interesting because like. there are pros and cons to having more or less needs. like i don't have to worry about maintaining my health in romantic or sexual attraction areas cause i just don't have those needs. which is definitely a perk. but it's also not bad to have those needs because that's cool too, you get to have a unique experience & relationship with those things.

anyway it just kind of feels like allo and aplaroace awareness kind of need to go hand in hand so we can all understand each other better. i just think there are a lot of misconceptions about what allo-ness actually is because especially in aspec circles we're used to hearing about it in the context of like, popular media and pushy family members and such.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #amatonormativity

[dizzywing-dispatch]

theres something so irritating, but ultimately not outright hateful about ac3 d1scour53 nowadays (which is why i dont engage with it) but i just have to say i wish people could just get along instead of arguing about sex-repulsed vs sex-favorable people.

i'm sex-favorable and for a very long time the layman's understanding of asexuality is that being that way is invalid. the model of asexuality has been sex-repulsed. the model has been lumped together with aromanticism. the model has been that Asexuals are Celibate. i have had people telling ME this for years. i have had to drill it into my friend's heads repeatedly that ace =/= sex repulsed. i have had to tell people that yes, i am capable of kissing people. i have had asexuality used against me as an excuse in a relationship by my partner seeking intimacy from somebody else because "youre asexual, i didn't want to make you", when i had stated my boundaries and willingness. i have been used unwillingly in other people's relationships because "sexual talk doesn't mean anything if it's you, you're ace". ive been told that i'm not really ace, ive had people try to tell me im demi or allo or aro or maybe i just shouldnt date because id let people down. ive considered renouncing the label, because even though i know im asexual i have been so hurt by the people inside and outside the community because that's all i want to tell them. i don't owe every person i meet the explanation that im asexual BUT there's this specific caveat.

i obviously have less experience on the sex repulsed side. i am sometimes repulsed, but less than i used to be. but reading loads of comments saying things like "yeah, there's been such an uptick of people adding on that some aces like to have sex, and i personally dont so dont speak for me!" is so frustrating. who's speaking for you except yourself. im speaking for me. i just want people to acknowledge that we exist, because outside of the tumblr bubble nobody does.

i'm glad the tide is turning but it also brings negative posts on the rebound like everything else. ive been out as ace for 8 years and only feel slightly comfortable online in the last one year. there is recognition for sex favorability because we keep speaking up, and people are finally listening; but there's also a lot of complaining ive seen that we're speaking over other asexual people. its not to be contrarian! its not to be more palatable to allos! its not to invalidate you specifically! its because the idea of "aspec is when no sex" is so deeply ingrained in the minds of other people, and that hurts us. if, when someone chimes in with "some asexuals still enjoy sex", you take it to be a generalization upon all asexual people or an attempt to market us as abiding social norms, then i don't know what to tell you. because none of us do. we are all under the same label, one that lies outside of standard social norms, one that fits us for a reason.

EDIT: hopefully people who follow the d-scourse tag won’t see this now. if you still see it, know that i do not want to engage with you.

#im gonna delete this later ive just been really tired about ace shit for a couple days #acknowledging nuance? i dont know her. everyones additions are malicious except mine

[catgirl-catboy]

I'm not sure how many you have answered already, but for the Fandom Based Ask Game 🎀💕📞🤍

If you think I have only one of these per fandom, you are wrong!

🎀 a ship others like but you don’t?

DR- Naegami. They're too aspec for me to vibe with it, I'm sorry.

AA- Wrightworth, because I only like them when they're toxic af and the fanon removed anything that made them intersting to me. Also Trupearl.

HS- Erisol and Fefsol. If you're not going to acknowedge the toxic dynamics at play, what is even the POINT?

OP- Marcoace. That age gap is a solid yuck from me. You do you though.

Madoka- Kyoko and Mami. Boring! Only holy quintet ship I'm not all over.

💕a ship you’d defend with your life?

DR- Gonta wasn't tricked and Ougoku isn't as toxic as you think it is! If you have issues with Ougoku, you should also have issues with a bunch of other ships most people have no problem with!!! Stop infantilzing Gonta!

AA- Gumworth. Age gap? Boss/employee? Its not like GUMSHOES CANON LOVE INTEREST ALSO HAS THE SAME PROBLEMS!!

HS- Dirkjake. Stop demonizing Dirk here and start demonizing Jake.(only half kidding.) He has gotten away with it for too damn long.

OP- Zonami. They are not mlm wlw solidarity, they are dating and part of the polycule! (also sex repulsed Ace Nami >:) )

Madoka- Kyosuke x Hitomi. More of a Kyosuke apologist kind of deal, but I'm tired of people bashing either of them!!! Kyosuke is a teenaged boy coping with a career ending disability. He doesn't owe Sayaka anything. While in violation of the bro code, Hitomi had no idea about Sayaka's problems, and is entitled to ask out who she wants. (Also, her joke about Sayaka's sexuality makes me wonder if she really knew the depth of Sayaka's feelings.)

📞 a character others dislike but you don’t?

DR- Monaca Towa. The writing did her so dirty, since there's a crapton of textual evidence she suffered the same treatment as the other Warriors. Everyone talks about how she faked a disability, but not how badly she got injured where her family would buy that they paralyzed her, and never got it checked out by an actual doctor. Also she's related to Haji.

AA- Wendy Oldbag. She's funny as hell and I love her.

HS- Equius. Honestly, I side with him in the act 5 meowrails conflict. His concerns that Nepeta is hanging out with the wrong crowd is 100% correct. Is he a bit controlling about discussing it? Yes. But he's 13 and I promise you I'd be worse in this situation.

OP- Don Kreig. How can people say he's a bad villian, when he has one of my favorite fights in the entire East Blue? He's lowkey way more entertaining than Kuro, OPLA should have cut that one instead.

Madoka- Kyubey. Evil bastard man. give me more info on his species, please!!!

🤍 a fandom you’ve only recently discovered?

It takes time for me to get into a fandom, but my most recent fandom is Madoka Magica. If you're curious to what I might join next, I'm currently watching 100 girlfriends, but not really vibing w it.

#fandom post #ask tag

[arowitharrows]

how did you know you were aroace? what would you say to ppl who are questioning if they are on the aroace spectrum? Is it okay to know that even if you are alloromantic you don't wanna marry anyway so you can just leave the question? like just not find out and stuff?

Hey anon, I'll start off with saying yes that's okay. You do not have to continue questioning parts of your orientation if you do not want to, or if it doesn't feel helpful for you. I think the most important things I would want to tell questioning people is

It's okay if you can't figure it out right now. You don't have to have it all figured out. If things get too confusing just set the question aside and stick with what your comfortable with. Maybe in time you will gather more experiences that make it easier for you to find answers. Maybe you'll just find that figuring out that specific part of yourself doesn't feel necessary and you can leave it unanswered. Humans are complex and we try really hard to make things appear simple but sometimes they just stay messy. That's okay too.

It's okay to use umbrella terms. You can identify as aroace or aromantic or asexual even if you aren't completely sure where on the aspec you fall. You can also just identify as acespec, or arospec, or aspec if that feels better. It's all okay, you aren't hurting anyone.

Does the label help you? Are you able to understand a part of yourself a bit better in the context of it? Are you able to find people with similar experiences through this label? Then it's okay to just use it.

It's okay to use a label and then change it again in the future. If you feel like an aspec label fits your experience but you're scared that it might turn out to be 'wrong', it's 100% fine to use that label now, and then discard it if things change for you. It doesn't even have to mean that the label was wrong, maybe it was a good fit for that time in your life. Labels are not a trap, they are tools. If it's useful now, you can use it now.

When it comes to my own experience I have to admit that I did not really go through a questioning phase. I was really frustrated with myself as a teenager because I felt like I wanted a relationship, but I would reject everyone who made advances towards me. Looking back I did not actually want a relationship at all, it's just what everyone around me was focused on and I wanted to fit in. That's the main point that made it easy to identify with being aroace once I finally found the term: I had never met a person in real life that made me want to say yes to a relationship. I had never felt attraction to anyone that would survive an actual opportunity to say yes to them. And also, finding the terms asexual and aromantic made me feel incredibly relieved because it allowed me to stop feeling like I had to continue playing a game I did not want to be playing. But this isn't so cut and dry for others, so please don't judge your own experiences based on mine.

#anon #questioning #aromantic #asexual

[variousqueerthings]

something ive been thinking about a lot coming into new spaces and meeting new people is how and when to mention being aroace -- there was a time where id try to get that out there as quickly as possible, just to set the boundaries implied by that down right off the bat, not in a first-sentence description kind of way, but just as a casually slipping it into a conversation when it fits/if it fits (usually easier in queer spaces), but in the last few years my boundaries/wants have shifted somewhat (more and less in various ways) within this spectrum, and a lot of people don't know to inquire to get a little deeper into what that might look like

so very nice, very respectful people hear aroace and go "ah yes, the door is shut on x things" which is very nice and respectful of them to do, but then i feel like im missing out on potential spaces and conversations that i do want to be included in, but feel increasingly out of place in mentioning, due to the amount of explaining i'd have to do to clarify where i stand sort-of-apropos-nothing -- which is due to aspec identities being not well understood

some people are quite good at being direct (my old flatmates basically went "would you prefer it if we just had sex when you weren't around" and i was like, "eh, it's fine, you're not having sex in my room after all" and i tended to listen to music on my headphones), but often there's a full stop that comes when people hear aroace, like now i can only be whatever version of that exists in their head, usually, again, very respectfully but crucially without asking me, the most extreme version they can imagine in all directions, that precludes any complexity in my experiences

me specifically, i feel like it can be hard to talk about my attraction to masc-aligned people, and to talk about enjoying kink, about sexual politics, and even tbh, to make jokes about sex, either because people almost get embarrassed or self-conscious as if they were aro and/or ace, or they go "hey wait, i thought you were..." and then you have to go on a bit of a tedious repetition of aspec 101

this isn't a big Thing in the end, i'm just musing on here as an ongoing question for myself about how i'd want to bring these things into a potential space in future (whether that space is queer generally, trans-specific, or none of these)

also how to get involved in kink spaces that aren't heavily geared towards sex. getting there

#queer stuff #aroace stuff

[spottedenchants]

Hey chanse, hope this isn't too weird but I just wanted to thank you for the touching sentiments series. Fandom is really good for finding fic with aspec perspectives and I've noticed essek/sg fic has a lot of it even compared to that. But I've never read anything like ts and it means a lot to me. I've been thinking lately about relationship dynamics as performances, and if you use that metaphor, a QPR is a performance of some really obscure play that I keep hearing about and it sounds SO good but i cant imagine how it would actually look, much less see myself as an actor in a production. And especially with your most recent two fics-- there is such intimacy between both Essek and Jester and essek and Caleb in these different ways, and at the same time, even when essek and Caleb straight up have sex, Essek is still at the same place on the ace/aro spectrum the whole time and it's just. Really nice to see, if that makes sense. I've read aromantic/asexual/QPR stories where sex and romance are just not on the table at all, and while those are great it's really comforting to see a story that blurs the lines even deeper than that. Not to get too serious about it, but it's so hard realizing you're gonna spend a lot of your life trying to write your own relationship blueprints, and I really can't emphasize enough what a comfort it is to know that someone else has thought about it enough to be able to write it out the way you have, and I'm really really grateful for it.

Hi hi! If a ‘thank you’ is weird, then I give you an equally weird ‘thank you for reading’ right back :3

(got rambly so the rest is under the cut xD)

I've definitely found fandom to be an excellent place to engage with aspec stories and feel very lucky to have found a corner where they feel not only accepted, but celebrated in good faith, and I am touched (ha :D) that Touching Sentiments has found a unique place in your mind and heart! 💜

As far as I’ve personally read (though tbf I have not read nearly as much published aspec fiction as I would like), I definitely get what you mean about the yes/no dichotomies of sex and romance that often show up in stories with aspec characters. ‘No’ is a lived truth for a lot more people than pop culture tends to imply, aspec or not, and I heartily agree that it’s very cool to see in print and on screen that ‘no, never’ is an option in the first place. :D It also has the benefit of being a very convenient shorthand to express a character’s orientation in a self-contained story that isn’t About their orientation, but also I get what you mean about wanting to see the lines blurred with ‘maybe’ more often. (Though that can get tangled in the whole ‘aces/aros can still conform to amatonormative standards’ side of things, which I really don’t have a solution for other than continuing to write and engage with aspec stuff, cause it’s hard to have a spectrum with only two points and getting multiple perspectives is the only way I really know how to build it out).

That’s definitely one of the reasons why I’ve found fanfic to be such a cool medium to write in- there’s soooo much room to really dig into nitty gritty details that a fixed story might not have the same space for! What is romance, what is sex, what is care, what is intimacy, what is love? *cue the music* We’re throwing out the dictionary here and writing our own so that everyone’s on the same page. >:3

I don’t have the bulk of these things posted yet, but TS!Essek’s intimacy with each of the Nein is very important to me and all of it is for sure flavored by his sexuality, and I am Thrilled that you've found him to be consistent!! I don't necessarily think TS goes deeper than other explorations in which the characters in question discuss or display their feelings around sex and romance, especially in the the fanfic scene, I’ve just published quite a lot of it and am reaping the benefits of breadth; no single TS fic needs to be everything or display every facet of him, it just needs to be whatever sliver it is. :3 (also I Do have a few cr fic recs (mostly sg) off the top of my head that dig into those lines of intimate conversation if you are interested :D)

As for relationships as performances! That is a lovely metaphor and I entirely understand what you mean, same hat and everything xD In some ways, I consider TS to be a very informal study log/synthesis paper on exactly that, and the script has just gotten more nuanced as I go xD That said, if you or anyone else is interested in the sorts of things I’ve researched to build the flavor of TS!Essek’s relationships with the Nein, I recommend searching up ‘relationship anarchy’ and ‘queerplatonic relationships’ specifically for further means of describing interpersonal relationships outside of the framework of amatonormativity, and then ‘loveless aromantic’ and ‘lovequeer’ for conversations about varying definitions of love and its applications both as a term and a concept.

I’ve also found pre-written/referenceable materials like Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbords and Yes No Maybe lists to be very helpful with relationship blueprints, too. The latter are often about the expression of sexuality as a whole, and they involve individualized thresholds of things ranging from states of dress to preferred anatomical terms to hygiene to safety to what is/isn’t deemed sexual, and other such points of emotional and physical intimacy as well. (Also I recommend Scarleteen just in general. very useful very informative very comprehensive groundwork)

I am sososo heartened to know you’ve found so much comfort in TS 🥺 It’s been almost three years since I started writing, period, and I am very glad my writing has been received with such grace and patience. Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm with me! I hope you continue to find stories that speak to you, and am grateful you've allowed mine to be a part 💜

#words!!! #words words yay #i could talk for a While about the intricacies of ts!essek's sexuality as i've carved it out so far #almost did here but it would have been Quite a digression xD #orientation and expression and identity and and and #people are all so intricate and unique #it's fascinating #he is a vessel of investigation and discovery #ALSO if you or anyone has recs for aspec fiction please gimme i wanna read them #talesofsymphoniac #chanswers

[sapphic-aroace]

I recently realized that I may be an oriented aroace(pan oriented aroace).

My life has been very messy, as I was not well educated about sexuality and gender, and I had unexplainable feelings for many people.

me in the past when I might have felt an aesthetic attraction: from "What the-" to "I see, this must be a crush!" to.

Past me, who may have felt alterous attraction: "is this a - true - crush? Wait, then what was that?"

Past me who may have experienced squish: "This is crush!? Again!? No, no, this is really a mistake. Because we're just friends..."

(Yes, I internalized fucking heteronormativity and fucking amatonormativity🤢)

I learned superficially about aroace: "What were those things? I sometimes wonder, and sometimes I can relate to the experiences of aroaces, but if I called myself an aroace, I would definitely get complaints from all kinds of people"

Me, who finally began to recognize the diversity of aroaces and learned about tertiary attractions: "Oh, so attractions don't have to be only romantic or sexual attractions?! I don't think that those things in my past fall into those two categories! Then maybe I can recognize that I am an aroace! tertiary attraction finally gave me a name for what I was feeling🥲︎"

Me on another day: "there is no way I can call myself an aroace. Because in the past I was... That behavior...were full of alloalloeness..."

(But when I found the label for oriented aroace and the description of the tertiary attractions, all I know for sure is that I felt at peace. I wanted to exclaim, "I finally found this place!"... is all I can say now)

...Even now, I often wonder if I am crazy, or if my existence is disloyal to the LGBTQ+ community and other aspec people.

Do you ever feel that way? When you do, how do you get out of it?

I apologize for the length of the sentence, and I am not very good at English, so I apologize if my writing is not correct🙏

hello!

don't you worry about your English, I understood every word! and English is not my first language either, you're fine 😉

I'd like to start with saying your experiences are entirely valid and that many LGBTQ+ people have been where you are or are still at the same point.

Of course, there are LGBTQ+ people who knew really early that they were not cishet, but many others doubted/are doubting that they were/are really trans, gay, lesbian or bi; aspec as well. feeling like they're mistaken. or can't admit to themselves they're not cishet. you're far from the only one and I can assure you that your experiences are in no way disloyal to any members of the LGBTQ+ community.

As for my own experiences, I can tell you I have dealt with some of what you're feeling.

I am not confused anymore about my attraction, but I have been for the longest time.

it took me many years after I learned about asexuality to admit I was indeed ace and not a late bloomer. while I knew, as soon as I discovered the label, that I was in fact ace, I refused to admit I wasn't "normal". I wanted to be like everyone else.

I still read a lot about acespec people talking about their experiences even though I was in denial, because, deep down I knew I was ace as I said.

I didn't learn about aromanticism at the same time, I discovered it existed many months later, at least.

and I didn't believe that was me. even if I had yet to experience romantic attraction, I wanted to have a girlfriend, so that couldn't be me.

like you, I've dealt with internalized aphobia. I still struggle with it sometimes, but less and less so as time passes and I accept myself more and more.

and like you, I finally started to accept my aromanticism when I learned about oriented aroace and tertiary attraction.

I understood I could still find women attractive in different ways. my feelings were making sense. and others related. it was a relief.

I would also add that even if you believe your past behavior was alloromantic and/or allosexual, it doesn't mean you are not aroace. your struggles with internalized aphobia may have been the reason for this perception, or maybe you've just grown and changed, it can happen.

Finally, I would advise reading about other aroace experiences, especially oriented aroace ones, since it's the label that feels right to you. I think it can definitely help you realize that many people have indeed been or are still questioning and doubting, that you're not alone and that you're feelings are valid. it has helped me a lot.

I would also like to thank you for sharing your experiences, I think it will definitely help others that are looking to understand themselves and have similar feelings to yours.

#aroace #oriented aroace #experiences #answered ask

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

To all the aro/aces that have gone through trauma, feeling "broken", because of their inability to feel attraction in a so-called "normal" way, I hope that finding this community has helped you. I hope that you're able to realize that you're not alone, and that romance and sex aren't what make you human. I sincerely hope, with every fiber of my being, that this community has made you feel safe and will continue to be a safe place you can find refuge in. Because I know myself and many other aspecs welcome you with open arms. I love you (/p obviously).

But there's another side of the community I want to talk about tonight.

I wanna bring acknowledgement to the aro/aces that have never felt broken. To those of us who haven't been assaulted to "fix" us. To the people who have no religious or societal trauma around their identity. To those that just stumbled across the community, realized that it fit them, and went on with life as normal. You are also valid. Yes, people have gone through terrible things because of simply being different, and I don't want to undermine that in the slightest. But I also know firsthand the imposter syndrome that comes from everyone talking about how they used to feel broken before finding the labels. I understand how isolating that can feel, even if it's entirely unintentional. Trauma does not count as one of the deciding factors in whether you are aro/ace or not. It is just as valid to exist with trauma as without trauma, and you aren't "less ace" or "less aro" for not having been traumatized because of it. Nobody should feel like they want, however small a part of them thinks they do, trauma because they need to feel like they have to "earn their place". That's insanely messed up, and trust me when I say it is an incredibly terrible and guilt-inducing feeling to have. It is okay to have led a safe and happy life, you don't need to feel like you're faking it just because you haven't been proven correct by traumatic means. It is absolutely okay to not have felt broken over not getting crushes and into relationships and having sex at the same time your peers did. It doesn't make you any less valid, just like the people that did go through all of this are very valid.

Regardless of how we got here, whether we had to brave our way through battlefields and storms or smoothly sail or anywhere in between, we are all valid. All of us.

To those that have experienced hardships on their path here, welcome, you are safe with me. To those that found us on a random google search at 1 AM whilst leading a normal life without any trauma, welcome, you are safe here.

No matter how your journey went, I welcome you with open arms to the a-spec community.

I hope you enjoy your stay.

Well said, Anon. As a community we have a lot of different stories, it's important we're telling all of them.

[nulliustram-webfiction]

Over the last two weeks, I've put up four pilots. Now, you get to vote on which idea continues to be refined into a free web series. Below the poll, you will be given the title card/cover for every one of these five options, along with a link to the free public pilot, a brief 'elevator pitch', and what I enjoy the most about each series. Donate to my ko-fi or my patreon, and you will have access to all sixteen extra chapters.

Creature Watching

Its pilot (Rest Stop) is on tumblr.

Churyl is the perfect city. If you don't look to deep into it. People from all around the world come to see what lies under the surface. And they never come back alive... Lots of uncanny valley stuff. Not outright scary all of the time, but just plain. Weird. Deals more with supernatural and folklore elements.

EndWalkers

EndWalkers already has one volume out on RoyalRoad, with more than 100k words, which you can read here.

An action-packed story of a group of people jumping from apocalyptic dimension to apocalyptic dimension, playing out a video game in real life. With the first volume drawing to a close, the daily update schedule will be slowed down to a weekly one if it does not win this poll. There is a shapeshifting gay AND trans Muslim catboy (mecore) and Book 2 is in a world torn apart by a war between ravens and octopi, its great.

Key Mates

Chapter One is on tumblr.

Anne and Flynn are discovered to be psychics. Except instead of any actual fun superpowers, they have the power to pick out a key that the other is thinking about or in contact in. People romanticize it constantly, but its useless in every way. Except for a heist. NOT a dig at romantic soulmate tropes, though they are referenced. I'm simply having fun with the implications of having a force that ties you together. How you would navigate relationships with other people and yourself too.

Tumble Dried Pirates

Pilot is now live on tumblr

Xara is from the modern era, and a passionate advocate for freedom of information and archiving of content. You know... Piracy. When a dryer machine at her local laundromat spits out Elizabeth Carnegie, a pirate from the Golden Age of cut-throat violence and smuggling, she isn't prepared for her. Or the team of time-travel police who have now put a target on her back. Yes. They are lesbians. With a time traveling dryer machine. Also, classism!!

Surviving Nulls

Pilot is live on tumblr!!

Nulls are monsters that feed off the magic of humans, sucking away until nothing is left. And Priscilla Farooq, widely regarded to have no talent for art, magic, or sport, finds herself in the unique situation to be the only one to stop it. Even if she thinks she's a little bit of nothing herself... This was written specifically to be an aspec fantasy. Priscilla is aplaroace. She simply doesn't feel any kind of love. And that's okay, even if it takes her time to come to terms with it. There are more aspec characters, too, showcasing the entire spectrum, and just queer people in general. Main character's atheist, but lots of Muslim relatives, and some Jewish side characters, some pagan, it's a mixed bag. This is also the only other series that will be posted on RoyalRoad, with more than daily chapter updates.

That's all! Consider donating if you're interested in reading more. ko-fi | patreon

#writing #polls #writing poll #indie author #aromantic #asexual #lgbtqia #horror #supernatural #uncanny valley #folklore #vampires #psychics #fantasy #progression fantasy #time travel #post apocalyptic #litrpg #lesbian #queerplatonic #serial fiction #muslim #own voices #religion #shapeshifter #original fiction

[astral-actias]

Robotkin asks: 3,4,8?

3. Do you make any sounds that feel comfortable because they are robotic?

Actually, I don't...I like beeping at my partner but it's more of a goofy vocal stim and not by any stretch my only one. It's not that it's a robot thing, it's just fun. I'd beep either way.

4. Do you use vocabulary reminiscent of your identity? (Drinking water is “refueling” etc..)

You'd think I would, because I wrote a huge novel-plus length fic absolutely full of robots who do this, so it's not like I've got any lack of capability to do so, but I also...just...don't, lol. I am stuck with a meat vehicle, so I use fairly average organic phrases about that fact.

The exception is with mental processes, because those do map a hell of a lot more closely to computer processes, but I think I'd still do that without identifying as a robot also. Like, jokes about (for example) buffering because you've got delayed auditory processing are already a neurodivergent thing anyway. So this is a Yes, But kind of answer.

8. What peeves do you have about people’s general opinions on robots?

SO MANY THOUGH.

Like, why would robots feel a need to become human? What's special about that? Why wouldn't they like being themselves? (Things said by a physical human who would gladly become a physical robot, but still.)

Everyone can do what they want of course, this is not me yucking anyone's yum and I want to be clear about that. But I'm actually not a big fan of when people sexualize Being A Robot? This is totally my aspec+ace ass speaking, but to me it's like, what a human-centric way of looking at it. Completely inorganic life getting relegated to an extremely organic and messy kind of activity is so baffling to me and maybe a little gross.

Not that a robot couldn't be sex-positive if it wanted, but there's a lot of Tumblr writing at the moment that's just kinda reminding me that when I say, "I would totally be a robot if I could," a lot of other people are going to hear that as, "This is a fetish thing," and it is extremely not a fetish thing. I'm not here for some very transparent metaphor about getting my USB dongle schlorped, man. (Why would that even have sensory input?)

I think if robots had fetishes they would largely be completely incomprehensible to most humans, lmao. Like, human fetishes are already frequently incomprehensible to other humans. It's only going to get more alien when you're talking about a kind of person that doesn't even necessarily experience the world in the same basic ways.

I gotta go help my partner with a thing but that's already a wall of text anyway so yeah that's the answer for now.

Thanks for the asks! 🙏

[poppyandzena]

I can't believe this has to be pointed out to Zena and Poppy but what makes someone asexual has to do with how they experience SEXUAL attraction. None at all (asexual), only with a bond (demisexual), rarely (greysexual), etc... it has nothing to do with ALL types of attraction.

"She(NF) directly states in multiple DMs that she's attracted to me. Thus not asexual"

How was she attracted to you? Did she mean aesthetically? Emotionally? Sensually (that's non-sexual BTW)? Is she grey ace or demi? Yes, it's important because you may think you're just trashing NF but really, you're trashing all aspecs and reinforcing aphobia. Thanks.

Stop apologizing to us because NF said she was ace too, maybe apologize for your own behavior. "Asexual people must all be secret rap1sts and p3dos and faking asexuality" is also something we deal with. Someone ace can commit SA, anyone can no matter what identity or sexuality, but that's not an excuse to shit on all aspecs and dictate who is allowed to be asexual because of a really hostile breakup. That's exactly like taking the right pronouns away from a trans person you don't like, it's gross. Stop it.

I can't believe I ever looked up to these people.

Thank you, anon. Asexuality can also impact libido as libido and attraction are separate. You can also be asexual and have groinal responses (baseline arousal). It's a spectrum and there has been ENOUGH acephobia and gatekeeping already.

What would happen if one of Poppy's clients was asexual? Sex repulsed, even? Would she pressure them into changing their medication or starting new ones like she did to NF? Would she invalidate their identity and call it a disorder like she did to NF? She admitted and endorsed what she did to Dormiyu.

What kind of LGBTQ therapist even is she if she treats asexuals like this?

#poppy

[spark-lapis]

Alhaitham genshinimpact 11, 20, 22

for the blorbo ask game!

this got REALLY long because this accidentally um. activated the overlap between my special interests (psychology, particularly identity and relationships) and (autistic blorbos).... so im putting it under a cut. the questions were:

"11. Would you date this character?";

"20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?"; and

"22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?"

11. Would you date this character?

honestly this is a difficult one simply because i cannot envision any reality in which he would date me. he's got that huge aspec swag. i think we could be qpps though. he would be very autism direct with me and it would be very nice and cool. like business partners almost. i could see that. i think in the spirit of the question, yes, because i respect him as a person and would engage in a long term relationship with him pretty readily, were it an option

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

OHH that's a cool one.. honestly i think he has an interesting relationship with kaveh, i think they could be good friends after like. a 200k slowburn fixit fic where they both put a lot of work into their relationship and their own self esteem (mostly on kaveh's part-- poor guy). like it's impractical from a canon standpoint but I'm fascinated by the prospect because their core personalities compliment each other so well, and they're both extremely intelligent. i think kaveh is one of the few people that doesn't really get left behind when alhaitham explains things.

BUT if im looking at canon characters as they are and not my long-term fantasy fanfiction that i haven't written, i would have to say... any of: gorou, keqing, freminet, albedo, ....and maybe xingqiu but i'm tentative on that one. reason being that these are the most honest, upfront, devoted, hardworking, and intelligent people that i can think of off the top of my head.

my criteria:

1) has to be able to keep up intellectually with him. i don't think he minds being patient and explaining things over again if there's genuine interest, but someone who gets lost really easily and can't follow his train of thought even if he slows it down/makes it more explicit... probably wouldn't really enjoy spending time with him, and probably wouldn't be very rewarding to explain things to either. a good friend for him would be someone who has the interest and ability to eventually understand whatever interesting thing he's pondering, and preferably, even be able to build off of it and pose their own curiosities. i think that albedo and keqing excel here, as they are both extremely curious and thoughtful people that are prone to questioning and interrogating their environment. the insane scientific banter these guys would be able to have with him is off the charts and would be very autistically satisfying for everyone involved. freminet and gorou also fit here to a lesser extent, because while they might not have as much to actively contribute (though I think they still would at least a little), they would find whatever he were talking about genuinely fascinating and want to learn more.

2) has to be genuine and earnest. or at least able to be genuine when the time calls for it. for alhaitham to be able to fully trust and enjoy being around them, they have to be someone who he can trust to be open with their information and intentions. they would have to be someone that he can trust to not try and mislead or misinterpret him when it counts. i think he lies a lot to people that he doesn't like or respect, but in a relationship that he did respect, he would require mutual honesty and communication. i think that freminet and gorou excel here, as they are both extremely empathic, earnest people. i think they wouldn't engage as much when alhaitham talks about whatever curiosity he's most recently discovered, but i think they would have insightful opinions when they did, and they could be trusted to keep it as secret as it needed to be. (though i will note i'm mostly going by personality. i'm not really factoring age into this because i think freminet may be a teenager?? i think gorou is just a petit adult though)

.....he has not interacted with any of these people in canon. like at all.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

oh MAN i really should read fics honestly but i don't... so i will just go with fandom characterization of him. i love it when they make him blunt and autistic and rude especially to paimon. i don't really like when people's entire impression of him seems to be "asshole that's bad and weird and can't keep friends and doesn't have the Common Sense to upkeep social courtesies" cause that squicks a little bit too close to just.... hating neurodivergency. for my comfort. also not personally into the fan portrayals where he's seemingly fully allosexual/alloromantic, or where he's like... romantic about it, you know? this guy's idea of romance, if he has any, is asking you directly what you want for your anniversary, and then buying that for you. or sitting on a couch and reading silently together. and i love it when i see things that hit that kind of specific queerplatonic vibe. i also love characterizations that are a little bit slapstick where he causes problems for kaveh and is just generally kind of. like. insensitive but not Mean or Malicious you know.

AND that concludes my answer to this ask that took me two hours to type up (oops)! thank you so much for the prompt!!! this is. my favorite topics . i love relationship pondering

#spark speaks #asks ! #ask games #ask game answers #fave #LITERALLY THIS WAS SO FUN . THANK YOU GENUINELY #genshin