#chanswers

[spottedenchants]

For the wip ask, I Think You’re Worth Holding On To???

!! This one is (a piece of) my oldest WIP!! I've been wrangling it lately and it's almost there! (I think)(I hope)

-

Essek needs hugs.

The problem—well, okay, not a problem problem, but it’s still kind of a sticky situation—is: he’s been so distant the last few days. When Jester’s tried to hug him like usual, he hasn’t put his arms around her all nervous-like, like he used to way before, or patted on her back like more recently, or hugged her back like he’s gotten so, so much better at, or anything.

He hasn’t stopped her from hugging him or even told her to stop hugging him—and she’s very sure he would because he said he would and he has before and it’s not like she’s squeezing all the air out of him every time—but he hasn’t even been leaning into them like usual, instead looking more stand-offish, almost like he did when they met, but less smiling an allowing grimace and more squinty-eyed, indifferent.

And even though hugs for love and hugs for pranks are two very different things, no reaction at all for either is just… disappointing.

It’s almost been like… like he doesn’t want them anymore. Like he’s drifting- or floating away, ha. 

It’s not funny.

-

wip ask game

#thank you!! #jesterrrrrrrrrr my beloved my dear #jester lavorre #essek thelyss #jessties #chanse wip #i think you're worth holding onto #chanswers #hello-eeveev

[chanfictions]

good to see you on my dash, friend. hope the gloom monster satiates itself soon. take care.

❤️

The monster does as it pleases. Some days are good, some resemble my Sunshine drabble. The days getting shorter always breeds this insatiable need to hibernate and leave messages on read.

Love you all. Sorry I haven't been around. Life is doing life things, and I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

#chanswers

[chanthehuman]

Honestly man I wish we lived in the Same state so we could be friends and talk about adventure time

awww. yeah i don’t really have anyone to talk about it with irl. :c 

#chanswers

[spottedenchants]

Hey chanse, hope this isn't too weird but I just wanted to thank you for the touching sentiments series. Fandom is really good for finding fic with aspec perspectives and I've noticed essek/sg fic has a lot of it even compared to that. But I've never read anything like ts and it means a lot to me. I've been thinking lately about relationship dynamics as performances, and if you use that metaphor, a QPR is a performance of some really obscure play that I keep hearing about and it sounds SO good but i cant imagine how it would actually look, much less see myself as an actor in a production. And especially with your most recent two fics-- there is such intimacy between both Essek and Jester and essek and Caleb in these different ways, and at the same time, even when essek and Caleb straight up have sex, Essek is still at the same place on the ace/aro spectrum the whole time and it's just. Really nice to see, if that makes sense. I've read aromantic/asexual/QPR stories where sex and romance are just not on the table at all, and while those are great it's really comforting to see a story that blurs the lines even deeper than that. Not to get too serious about it, but it's so hard realizing you're gonna spend a lot of your life trying to write your own relationship blueprints, and I really can't emphasize enough what a comfort it is to know that someone else has thought about it enough to be able to write it out the way you have, and I'm really really grateful for it.

Hi hi! If a ‘thank you’ is weird, then I give you an equally weird ‘thank you for reading’ right back :3

(got rambly so the rest is under the cut xD)

I've definitely found fandom to be an excellent place to engage with aspec stories and feel very lucky to have found a corner where they feel not only accepted, but celebrated in good faith, and I am touched (ha :D) that Touching Sentiments has found a unique place in your mind and heart! 💜

As far as I’ve personally read (though tbf I have not read nearly as much published aspec fiction as I would like), I definitely get what you mean about the yes/no dichotomies of sex and romance that often show up in stories with aspec characters. ‘No’ is a lived truth for a lot more people than pop culture tends to imply, aspec or not, and I heartily agree that it’s very cool to see in print and on screen that ‘no, never’ is an option in the first place. :D It also has the benefit of being a very convenient shorthand to express a character’s orientation in a self-contained story that isn’t About their orientation, but also I get what you mean about wanting to see the lines blurred with ‘maybe’ more often. (Though that can get tangled in the whole ‘aces/aros can still conform to amatonormative standards’ side of things, which I really don’t have a solution for other than continuing to write and engage with aspec stuff, cause it’s hard to have a spectrum with only two points and getting multiple perspectives is the only way I really know how to build it out).

That’s definitely one of the reasons why I’ve found fanfic to be such a cool medium to write in- there’s soooo much room to really dig into nitty gritty details that a fixed story might not have the same space for! What is romance, what is sex, what is care, what is intimacy, what is love? *cue the music* We’re throwing out the dictionary here and writing our own so that everyone’s on the same page. >:3

I don’t have the bulk of these things posted yet, but TS!Essek’s intimacy with each of the Nein is very important to me and all of it is for sure flavored by his sexuality, and I am Thrilled that you've found him to be consistent!! I don't necessarily think TS goes deeper than other explorations in which the characters in question discuss or display their feelings around sex and romance, especially in the the fanfic scene, I’ve just published quite a lot of it and am reaping the benefits of breadth; no single TS fic needs to be everything or display every facet of him, it just needs to be whatever sliver it is. :3 (also I Do have a few cr fic recs (mostly sg) off the top of my head that dig into those lines of intimate conversation if you are interested :D)

As for relationships as performances! That is a lovely metaphor and I entirely understand what you mean, same hat and everything xD In some ways, I consider TS to be a very informal study log/synthesis paper on exactly that, and the script has just gotten more nuanced as I go xD That said, if you or anyone else is interested in the sorts of things I’ve researched to build the flavor of TS!Essek’s relationships with the Nein, I recommend searching up ‘relationship anarchy’ and ‘queerplatonic relationships’ specifically for further means of describing interpersonal relationships outside of the framework of amatonormativity, and then ‘loveless aromantic’ and ‘lovequeer’ for conversations about varying definitions of love and its applications both as a term and a concept.

I’ve also found pre-written/referenceable materials like Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbords and Yes No Maybe lists to be very helpful with relationship blueprints, too. The latter are often about the expression of sexuality as a whole, and they involve individualized thresholds of things ranging from states of dress to preferred anatomical terms to hygiene to safety to what is/isn’t deemed sexual, and other such points of emotional and physical intimacy as well. (Also I recommend Scarleteen just in general. very useful very informative very comprehensive groundwork)

I am sososo heartened to know you’ve found so much comfort in TS 🥺 It’s been almost three years since I started writing, period, and I am very glad my writing has been received with such grace and patience. Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm with me! I hope you continue to find stories that speak to you, and am grateful you've allowed mine to be a part 💜

#words!!! #words words yay #i could talk for a While about the intricacies of ts!essek's sexuality as i've carved it out so far #almost did here but it would have been Quite a digression xD #orientation and expression and identity and and and #people are all so intricate and unique #it's fascinating #he is a vessel of investigation and discovery #ALSO if you or anyone has recs for aspec fiction please gimme i wanna read them #talesofsymphoniac #chanswers

[spottedenchants]

ooh, maybe “adapt” and “drown” with essek and fjord?

Almost two years later and here we are!! The full thing is up on AO3 but here are the lines that use the prompt words :D

Adapt:

By allowing him avenues of investigation and discovery, by bearing encouraging witness to his messy attempts at adaptation and mediocrity, by ensuring he stays alive, they do, verifiably, care.

Drown:

The spiteful, drowning tear in Essek’s heart rears from false slumber, unsated and pleading with talon and fang for opposition, justification, means, anything but this helpless thrashing against the inevitable futility of wasted time.

#AHHHHHHHH IT IS DONE AHHHHHHHHHH #i'll make a full post with the link in a bit but for now brrrrrrrrrrr #floor time #thank you for the prompt forever ago #flashhwing #chanswers #chanse writing

[spottedenchants]

"I Think You’re Worth Holding Onto" please!

Sentences!

Essek makes a little mewl and Jester goes stock still. All he does is cover his face as he stretches a bit and relaxes again, still asleep, and it’s stupidly cute. Okay, maybe she’s more upset about this whole thing than she thought.

Thank you! :D

WIP Wednesday Game rules

#the lad has been kittified. he has been for the entirely of ts #oldest wip right here #essek thelyss #jester lavorre #jessties #chanse wip #i think you're worth holding onto #chanswers #kedreeva

[spottedenchants]

Wip game@ fjord help 2.5 year angst? 👀👀

ohohoho grumpy essek :3

-

“Eleven o’clock.”

Dragged from his mindless recess, hiding his startle in the tightening weave of his fingers, Essek swallows defiant silence like a stone and simply continues staring at the clouded line of the sea. Broken moonlight scores across the water in rolling patchwork swaths, masking depths so much as displaying them, a mirror tilted at all the wrong angles. Nowhere and nothing surrounds, still. The air brines his nose and skin, warmed from chill with the orb he can’t bring himself to part from.

The leather of armor creaks, once-and twice, though he can’t tell if the sound is from a shrug or the general shift of it as his friend’s accompanying lean vibrates through the bulwark.

“You don’t have to take my word for it.”

Essek, good for nothing but compliance, glares at Catha before it runs behind the clouds, at the clockwork pole stars before they, too, hide from his sight. 

He glances askance, aside to Fjord and his accurate assessment of the hour. He shouldn’t deign this annoyance a response, but regardless.

“Is that significant somehow?”

-

wip ask game

#ehehehe grump grump #let the current take me #chanse wip #essek thelyss #fjord stone #chanswers #wanderingbasilisk

[spottedenchants]

Okay. I follow you and see you tag #phil and I'm like, "damn, Phil Lester goes hard" and I just wonder sometimes if that's who you mean.....?

Ah- no, I do not mean Phil Lester xD The name is taken from Caleb's pirate alias Philip/Phillip :D

The long and short of the tag is that I made a typo a while ago and now I'm obligated to reblog bro and/or bromance posts and tag them as phil XD

#i'll be completely honest and say i am so uninvolved with dan and phil things that i don't even recognize their names when separate xD #i read lester and my brain immediate went 'hannibal??' #no silly that is lecter #there is no phil in hannibal #unless there is #idk i also don't go there xD #phil #moriartyfortheevening1 #chanswers

[spottedenchants]

if you havent done it yet, #29 for the ask game!

Ohoho one and only dear anon ^w^

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

So originally I was going to put this little piece of an alternate/noncanonical scene in Touching Sentiments (noncanonical cause it breaks rule number 4 of TS xD) that had been sitting around in my scraps for a while, but a couple days ago I started poking at it for something else, so here it is updated a bit :3

-

“I love you.”

Caleb whispered each word as if it were a petal of pristine crystal, breakable with the wrong breath.

Essek just shook his head with an unceremonious scoff. “You don’t know me.”

A week might not have been long enough to learn the crevices of one another’s souls, but surely their efforts so far together had meant they were willingly on the way there. But fine. Caleb donned a different angle of charm: foolhardy determination.

“I would like to.”

“And then what?”

Caleb stared, uncomprehending. ‘And then what’ what? ‘And then’ would be then, not now. They would just have to wait and see what ‘then’ would be and try to become better thems in the meanwhile. Wasn’t that what Essek thought of as love?

A polite smile cracked Essek’s grim face, sea foam licking hungrily at his legs.

“And then what, Widogast?” he pressed. “What makes you think you are so different from the slavering droves that have thrown themselves at my feet in hopes of having their way with me? Am I also a mere prize to you? Proof that you can have sway? A stepping stone to the heights of greatness?”

Stomach sour, Caleb stammered, “Of course not-? Essek--”

“Keep that name out of your unworthy mouth,” he snarled with the ocean’s roar, all sharp fey teeth and eye white and gum. Caleb shut himself up.

“So,” Essek said primly, “you simply let your baseless infatuation guide you? You decide on pure whim? You consider yourself like Jester? I thought you once to be clever.” He then sneered, an imperial tilt to his chin, “Where must your mind be, then, if you think I would want something so useless as your love. You should have left me be to catch my well-earned death. But no….” Essek’s razor-thin eyes went wide. “No, you need a metric and a witness, don’t you? Someone to measure against if only to demonstrate yourself as anything but stagnant. Congratulations.” That terrible smile again, paired with a twinkling laugh as soft as mold. “Consider yourself transcendent.”

There was a hollowness to Essek’s voice, like an echo in an old, old cave- a reflection warped and muted like memory. And catching his death… that was not recent. That was soon after they met. 

Sorrow stabbed through Caleb’s chest, snapping his bones and his will.

“You’ve forgotten.”

-

fic writer asks

#thanks for the ask! :D #we're going to ignore the fact this has been in my drafts for over a month xD #been going through it #shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #chanswers #nottamoose #chanse wip #omuat tbn

[spottedenchants]

I wwill 100% take suggestions fire (ha) away!

AH OKAY!! (your lovely list in case anyone is curious for context! 👀👀)

Burn Your Life Down covered by Bleachers

Very staring-at-the-ceiling-wishing-for-either-sleep-or-death both in terms of lyrics and sound. Caleb burnt his life down once, so he knows he could do it again. But he won't. But- what if he does. If he doesn't pay attention, something will make the choice for him, and we all know how much he emphasizes and values his autonomy with regards to the atrocities he's willing and able to commit.

-

Forest Fire by Brighton

I like thinking about the conversations early Caleb might have with Bren. We know Caleb planned over the course of the whole campaign to bring his parents back, but did he ever think of other routes? Did he ever have moments when he could see the blazing, bloodied path from Bren to him and wish he could go back and grab Bren by the shoulders, timeline be damned, and cry into him everything he knows now so maybe he won't end up like Caleb? I dunno, but this song makes me think of that xD

-

The Burnin' by Nik Ammar

This one's a bit more early Caleb @ early Caleb than early Caleb @ Bren I think- something about Caleb taking blame, responsibility, fault for who he was and carrying it all into the present even after the cleric clears his mind. A bit mopier than his usual smoldering self-hatred but still :3

-

Ashes by Arrows to Athens

Graduation day! Or- with the journey there superimposed onto it, and all that superimposed onto Everything before that. There's one particular page in the comic (28 in the digital version), the montage as the drei are headed back to Blumenthal, that just really Hits with this song, so much so that I don't remember the context I originally added it for xD

-

Torches by The Oh Hellos

Just. Just pull up the lyrics- it's Scourger training verse one and Bren on the run verse two. This song feels like a threatening grin morphing into endangered smile.

(shoutout to @vagabondfirelily for this one!)

-

Home is a Fire by Death Cab for Cutie

The song's more about earthquakes and stuff but I think Caleb's story counts as pretty ground-shaking xD Really an emphasis on the impermanence of everything, buildings, people, safety. This song sounds like a nervous smile to me.

-

Hold Me Like a Fire by Reuben and the Dark

This makes me think of Caleb and his first experiences with the beacon. Hear me out- the choir Constantly repeating the contradictory chorus once Caleb has a twinge of a thought of possibility, Caleb seeing all of himself and all he could be, Caleb's parents living through him both in memory and narratively b/c he hasn't yet opened the proverbial cat box to see if they're still dead.

-

Fire Fire by Flyleaf

Wrote some thoughts here :D

(shoutout to @valakiir for this one!)

-

Bonus!

The Empire & the Sun by The Moth & The Flame

No fire in the title BUT it is in the band name AND one of the lines is literally "I'm a house on fire, and everyone is leaving (me)", so xD

I absolutely Must peddle this song for Caleb because it just fits soooo well with his self-hatred, his desperate desire to see the potential for change in others (and, by extension, himself), and the bone-deep bonds he forms despite himself

#caleb widogast #BRRRRRRRRR MUSIC MY BELOVED #I haven't been listening to anything but line without a hook for the past Month so this was very refreshing xD thank you xD #this got. longer than i expected and i could add more still probably ahhhhhh #brained to hard and now i have a screaming headache o no #chronurgy #chanswers

[spottedenchants]

12 and 97? ;P

Fun fun :D

12: Noises by Mike Mains & The Branches

This one technically covers the whole section of TS's 2.5 year angst when Essek is moping on the Nein Heroez II- angery boy ahoy

“Why are you here?”

“Why do you think, Essek?”

“You care, yes. I am certain that is the case for every. Last. One of you.”

At arm’s length, he notes the scream stuck in his gullet, swelling his tongue as it makes every attempt to scrabble from his lungs and carve flesh.

He bites it back, as always. As always, he meters it a miser.

He hisses out a sigh sharp enough to sand his voice perfectly level. 

“But, I don’t need your pity. I do not need your concern. I am merely biding my time, and am attempting to be unobtrusive in the meanwhile. Patience is a virtue, no?”

“No need to go overboard with it. You didn’t pick it as a name over Journey.”

A shrill whine in his mind, that collared thing in his chest begging to roar, Essek scours his synapses for every remaining marrow-ground speck of diplomacy.

It is a slog. It is a strain.

It is a neglected habit he summons by rote, but he has learned from his snap at Jester that if he wants to be understood by the Common-minded he must phrase himself simple and stupid.

-

97: Brave New World by Kalandra

Campaign Essek song! I have this one as an Aeor montage, so here's some Aeor Wizard Date :3

All pieces placed, it sounds very much as though there was a body grown from seed flesh, then, capable of housing an unbound soul. No wonder this subject was broached with the Empire’s leanings pertaining to necromancy.

“Human shapes tend to come with ten as I understand it.”

“That one’s gone, now.”

So there was more than one. Misdirection indeed.

“And the other? Or would it be ‘others’?”

“He also has a furrow, healed very well, right…”

And Caleb lifts a foot to the seat, bends one knee up, runs a pinkie along his inner thigh.

“Here. Certainly nothing he would have revealed in polite company.”

Essek snaps his eyes to Caleb’s face, finds him smirking as he continues.

“We found that too.”

If Astrid’s scream represented a mere sliver of the rage held internal by those of Caleb’s learning….

“Some deserved catharsis in the process, I’m sure.”

“Oh yes.”

For an instant, there’s an unmistakable tinderbox spark to Caleb’s eyes, a slight manic delight, a ghost of an impression like the glint of blade before blood, fang before gore, that reminds Essek to be grateful he is this man’s friend and not foe.

Just as quick, it is gone.

-

send me a number 1-100 and the share the song on my top songs list and a snippet from its fic

#thank you giulia many words for you!! :D #essek thelyss #fjord #caleb widogast #shadowgast #kurosmind #chanswers #chanse wip #let the current take me #show me sin don't get stuck

[spottedenchants]

King of Disappointment by Echos is giving me some serious Essek feels rn

OHOHO

I was struck with the mental image of Essek being exceedingly self-derisive and sarcastic at the Nein in his head so. i guess that'll be my interpretation here xD

You can call me king of disappointment Welcome to my castle, everything's worthless Please, help yourself to whatever you want Just get out while your soul's still clean

Essek serving as tour guide for the Nein, showing them the sights as they make their way to the Dungeon of Penance, answering their questions and pretending himself a nice thread in the tapestry. Maybe they'll just take Yeza and get out of his hair.

I can't give up control I'm the ruiner of my own kingdom Save your silver and gold I'll be up on this throne with my demons Even if I could go, there's no way out inside of these broken halls And there's chains on my door, no leaving So I'll put on a show

The Nein's lodgings are on the dime of the Bright Queen and then Den Thelyss as Essek settles in as their Assigned Liaison for nefarious purposes. The least he can do is play the part, cordial if distant.

You can call me king of disappointment Welcome to my castle, everything's worthless Please, help yourself to whatever you want Just get out while your souls still clean

Essek getting invited in for drinks and spells. I imagine the castle here being the Xhorhaus and it's him mocking the Nein xD

I get blood on my hands When I'm thinkin' myself into trouble 'Til I'm stuck in a trance Rippin' things off these walls like a psychopath And there's no lookin' back 'Cause I know that nobody can tame me Don't get caught in my wrath, pleading When your hearts on the floor

Here we could squish the scourger in with Adeen and juxtapose it with Essek accepting the dinner and hot tub invite in ep 91

You can call me king of disappointment Welcome to my castle, everything's worthless Please, help yourself to whatever you want Just get out while your souls still clean

Essek welcoming the Nein to his towers for Veth's spell

After everything I've done to me I can't take it anymore this crown After everything I've done to me

The Transmogrification being finished, cut to:

"Do you ever get lonely in your solitude?"

"I didn't think so until recently."

"Hmm."

"What about you?"

"Um, yes. I think, if I'm answering honestly, I think, but I think I almost became more lonely in my solitude after I became friends with all of them because I realized what having good friends feels like."

"Hmm."

I can't take it anymore After everything I've done to me I can't take it anymore this crown After everything I've done to me

Cut to the spell not working and the Nein leaving to help Veth break her curse. Essek telling Ludinus he's done with the deal.

You can call me king of disappointment Welcome to my castle, everything's worthless Please, help yourself to whatever you want Just get out while your souls still clean

Confession timeee >:3

#essek thelyss #chanswers #valakiir #my brain is Not working today #also i need to rewatch the essek supercut #idk if the vibes are comparable or if i've already said this one but Goldfish by Until the Ribbon Breaks is stuck in my head now #kind of the tail end of things before the reveal

[spottedenchants]

You are absolutely right! Drow should have fangs and you should say it louder for the people in the back (M9 animated I have high hopes for youuu)

Louder for the people in the back:

Look, Matt said-!

#we got ear wiggles in lovm so like- #i jest i jest the fangs here are One instance- i just think it would be a neat aesthetic choice and also cute xD #for all we know thuron could have been part bugbear or something idk #i feel like i remember a bit in egtw talking about half-drow with tufted ears and yellow eyes and such #and no other on-stream drow have been described with fangs as far as i recall #unless maybe k'rynn or whatshisname from c1 that i do not know much about #and for the record i also think it would be cool if the tiefs have teefs too xD #cause nott and fjord will #i'm sure it probably makes lip syncing a little trickier though too and idk if something nonessential like this is worth the effort xD #cause in those castlevania refs the fangs are kinda like. the point with the vamps xD #ANYWAY thank you for the chance to ramble xD #vagabondfirelily #chanswers

[spottedenchants]

What about You Should Try Friends Sometime 👀👀👀

ANOTHER!!

~

*Hi Esseeeeek!*

He raises a finger for pause.

*How’s it goooing? Today was pretty boring- it’s night now. What are you guys doing? Find anything cool? Or spooky?*

After an appreciable moment of silence, Jester finishes with a chirped sing-song:

*I! Love! You!*

With no effort put forth to do so, Essek cannot fight a chuckle at her enthusiasm.

“Good”-

He raises a brow to Caleb.

“Morning.”

-“morning, Jester. We are well, nothing new or exciting yet, as we’re only just setting out. I will pass along your compliments.”

A light smile on his face, Caleb is holding up two fingers. Rascal.

Still, Essek indulges him and rounds out his reply.

“Thank you.”

The thread of Jester’s spell fades, but it is only after a minute with no followup that Essek lowers his hand to continue organizing his pack for the day.

Rather than resume their conversation prior to interruption, Caleb smirks a poke.

“Good finish.”

To which Essek throws him a scoff.

“Masterclass, I’m sure.”

And Caleb gives a bright little bump of a laugh, plenty enough to spark a shine in Essek’s chest.

~

send me a WIP title and i'll share a snippet!

#essek thelyss #jester lavorre #jessties #caleb widogast #shadowgast #fighting the urge not to share the juicy bits of this fic just yet #it gets angsty >:3 #very fun >:3 #chanse wip #chanswers #you should try friends sometime #batwayneman

[spottedenchants]

Specter in the Looking Glass :eyes:

well well well

Perhaps here. Essek tucks under Caleb’s jaw. Sets one, single kiss to thin skin.

Thank you :D

WIP Wednesday Game rules

#essek thelyss #caleb widogast #shadowgast #chanse wip #specter in the looking glass #chanswers #flashhwing

[spottedenchants]

“Warm” or “safe” for the battleship 👀?

double hit 😳

warm:

Caleb’s warming undershirt is simpler in its surrender. In one motion, Essek removes it over his head.

safe:

Stepping out of the crumpled pile perfectly nonchalant, Caleb settles to the edge of the bed and lifts his legs—first foot, down, then second—thus allowing Essek to divest him the last of his clothes: older knit socks, which Essek pairs, and then folds, and then sets aside safe.

send me a word, any word, and if it’s in my WIP document I’ll answer your ask with the sentence or line it appears in!

#HFGFH it was either that line for safe or one that would seem Wildly more suggestive out of context than it is whoops xD #also i got themes i got motifs i got patterns xD xD xD #oops i've had this open in the editor for. a while #chanswers #batwayneman #specter in the looking glass #chanse wip