#and not just. as i say. a piece of shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asteralien · 1 year

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i feel like a loading bar that's very slowly ticking up until i actually believe my therapist's belief that i have ocd

#shut up myth #i'm at. like. 30% at this point #i keep trying to talk myself out of it because it feels.......... almost appropriative and i've never seen people talk about the symptoms #that i've felt so it feels VERY fake #but the more i read and the more i talk it over with her the more i'm like......... okay well . maybe. i'll entertain the notion #two really big things that got me are the need to get reassurances from ppl and the need to rewrite things until they're Perfect #like holy shit those are two GIANT parts of why i habitually self isolate #like it feels so bad to consider bc i'm not like........in some ways these are debilitating but in other ways they are very much not #so it's like. i don't have it bad enough. it's like everything that's wrong w/ me #if people with ocd have it up to 100% i have it to 50% if people have depression at 100% i have it to 70%#if people with autism have it to 100% i have it to 60%#like???#i don't know. i get to work on time for the most part and i do what needs doing for the most part. i'm functional #i don't ENJOY being alive but that could so easily be explained by me being a piece of shit #idk! idk. i'm tired of not knowing for sure but also i am having such a hard time accepting that i'm diagnosable #and not just. as i say. a piece of shit #i can tell it's getting late bc all this self introspection is starting to get me down lmao #gonna light a candle and watch some gumball and go to bed #i oversteeped my oolong :<

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mokeonn · 10 months

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"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.

But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.

#simon says #i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system #once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable #this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it #because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole #but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole #don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it #also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn #like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that #also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke #my only learning resource is the library sorry about that #also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice #finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say

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noonstate · 7 months

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i need well meaning cis people to stop attemping to steelman trans healthcare conversations because it basically always ends with them just lying about easily checkable things "no minors are getting irreversible treatments" wrong not true "no minors are having surgery" also false, like instead just say the truth: currently some minors (few, but some) are able to access hrt that will have some irreversible changes on their body, some (even fewer) minors are able to access surgery.

the counter to transphobes screaming "these kids are being irreversibly changed" isn't "no children are accessing this care" it's "puberty is also an irreversible change" and "i think under 18s and even under 16s should be able to make medical decisions actually"

"no minors are accessing this care" means that transphobes can easily point to the examples of minors who are accessing that care, which just make us look like liars. sometimes teenagers and children need to make medical choices on their own. i think a 14 y/o should be able to get an abortion. i think trans kids and teens should be able to have the approriate care, which for some will just be like, picking a new name or haircut, and for some, sure, could be surgery.

#*m #so many journalists / youtubers / podcasters try to defend trans people but just like. say this shit that is basically a lie #i get why i get it's an easier convo to have but actually having the hard conversation is really fucking important.#not for the transphobes those people are fucked but like. for the well meaning libs who listen to x news piece or x podcast u know

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starwarjotta · 4 months

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looking for someone on Tatooine

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just-spacetrash · 2 years

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they should invent falling alseep that doesnt take 3 hours

#i am. strugling #my post #hAvE yOu TrIeD pUtTiNg YoUr pHoNe DoWn YES you dumb piece of shit. you stupid asshole obviously ive tried that #but it didnt work for 3 hrs so now im bacj here #sorry its just every time i ask falling alseep tips its that. like jfc man #like eeeeeeverybody thinks theyre so smart and smug and shit when they say it i just wanna sleeeepppp goddddd

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lastoneout · 3 months

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Something I find very interesting about the character design in Dungeon Meshi is that the artist clearly puts a LOT of work into drawing people who look like normal people and since we, the audience, are so starved for that in Popular Media(bcs the current trend is drawing men and women so differently it's like they're a completely different species) unless they have a beard or visible tits no one has any idea what gender half the characters are.

Like I keep seeing people think Kabru and Chilchuck and Thistle are women and at first I was like "haha yeah same" but when I thought about it I was like...nah they just look like normal dudes, I know men irl who look like that, we're just so used to Hyper Masculinity being forced upon all male characters and Hyper Femininity on the women that when we see characters who look like average humans we have no idea how to process it.

And tbh I'm honestly glad that this manga has not only given us normal looking women but also normal looking men bcs fr I didn't realize how rare that was until I was faced with it. Male characters really do get forced to perform the most extreme form of their gender in popular media because of toxic masculinity and it's nice to see something break the mold.

#not to say exaggeration isnt okay sometimes I read one piece for gods sake #but idk dunmeshi's characters just look like real people #it's nice #feels like the antithesis of those “men are squares women are circles” shit #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon

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inkskinned · 4 months

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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

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redysetdare · 2 months

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All this aroace character shipcourse has proven to me that a majority of people that interact in fandom cannot actually interact with characters and media outside of shipping and genuinely I believe you need to learn how to interact with media outside of shipping.

#text #fandom #aro #ace #aroace #aromantic #asexual #this became extremely obvious with Encanto - where the main message of the movie was ignored #and people were so desperate for shipping they started shipping background characters or even the family members....eugh #like at some point you must understand your inability to interact with media outside of a narrow romantic scope is an actual problem #at some point you need to accept you don't ACTUALLY like the media you're interacting with #like genuinely can you say anything else that you like about a piece of media besides the fact you want two characters to kiss?#genuinely i do believe the way some of you interact with things needs to change because it's made fandom spaces literally unbearable #also it has severely limited some of your guy's critical thinking skills #if you want content based around shipping then look at the romance genre it's literally right there for this very reason #shipping just needs to stop dominating fandom discussions and interactions. shipping should not be the main focus of every genre ever ffs #that or y'all need to literally start tagging your shit so that people can actually block it out and find the posts that they want to see

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beanghostprincess · 4 months

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I want to throw up

#'just do whatever you can' / 'that's your motto eh?'#and then sanji saying this shit #i can't do this anymore i am actually sick #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

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andthebeanstalk · 10 months

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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

#original #the last unicorn #tlu #peter s beagle #molly gru #schmendrick #schmendrick the magician #two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol #because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb #the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE #mostly zoro's blades from One Piece #normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and #then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU #and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele

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leo-bandito · 2 months

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moar hl scraps…. does a pose

#There's I think a couple repeat doodles srry I cldnt crop it right. wgatever #that 1st one is a study .... I didn't realize how. Fucked up his hev suit is by th end of everything like holyshit.....#I was lookin at the pic I was using for th study and was like. 😟 that's so much blood.... that's just like..#A big gouge....... uueueeeughh......#LIKE HIS WHOLE LEFT SIDE IS BLOWN OPEN. CHRIST #I will also say I dont care 4 th hl2 HEV but I like the way the chest piece is shaped #I kinda mix them up when I draw it..... does another pose #half life #half life 2 #hl1 #hl2 #gordon freeman #barney calhoun #freehoun #alyx vance #adrian shephard #opposing force #blue shift #That middle one of Adrian I'm mayyybe gonna turn into a full piece. I just gotta get the pose better...#Anyway listen to cowboy Dan by modest mouse. Adrian song. I know this #Th one with Barney and Adrian is nonsensical I just thought it was funny #In my heart during the black mesa incident I think barney separately teamed up w both Adrian and Gordon.#Not for very long. But I like 2 think about it.#<- making shit up

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jennilah · 1 month

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people love "back the fuck off," but my favorite quote here is what he says right after. what a fucking bastard i love him lmao

#what a piece of shit lmao ohh hes so terrible #also oughough -1hp can i just say i love Strahm behaving just like how aggressive dogs do after fighting for dominance #not exactly cowering but they submit and avoid gazes and give that side eye until the tension goes away. man #also i kind of feel like my non saw followers need to understand hoff's voice & what power it has over me. -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp #coughs and walks away with no further comment #mark hoffman #saw #saw v

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milimeters-morales · 11 months

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no but literally we need to take Prowler Miles away from these 20 something year old white women until they stop making him their “gangsta boo” just because he has cornrows and is the Prowler 😭😭 yall don’t even try to hide your disgusting feelings and attitude towards a young black kid and it’s honestly sickening. Why is he all of a sudden a toxic boyfriend? Why is he all of a sudden borderline or downright abusive to people? Why is the 15 year old black latino boy, that we know next to nothing about, all of a sudden fitting the worst stereotypes for black/latino men? Do you have any legitimate reasons for any of this besides, “he seems like the type?” Because you know what that sounds like, right? And i can’t even filter these out for my own peace of mind because you don’t tag your shit properly.

#and i don’t give a fuck if aged him up for a smut fic it’s pedophilic and you know it #you bitches see a black boy with an accent and unleash all the racism in your body onto a fucking tumblr post i hate yall #it’s exactly the same with miguel! you fetishize his latino AND his black side and you turn him into a piece of shit person based off of #literally nothing. all we know is that he’s the prowler and he is trying to intimidate miles. that’s literally it.#and don’t even try to deny the racism part! because everyone can see it !!#and i shouldn’t need to say this but it’s not just white people but they’re the worst about it.#miles morales #prowler miles #miles g #across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #atsv #atsv spoilers #the prowler #earth 42 miles morales #earth 42 miles #miles g morales #miles 42 #miles morales 42 #m&m posts #god: tags were so true they inspired this post.#had to get it off my chest fr fr

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sergle · 7 months

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I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon

#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays #if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone #because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page #but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source #because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it #and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but #on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway #someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those #if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link #to my etsy #I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside #like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth #like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back #or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info #about what the art is and who made it and their links #I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful #and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited #but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue #reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing #as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen!#that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB #A JOB!!!!!!!!!!#sergle.txt #I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark

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yardsards · 9 months

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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

#eliot posts #suicide mention #animal abuse mention #i guess #ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post #i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often #i frequently block people for saying it #sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too #i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression #but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.)#and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness #and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them #and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys #so yeah! fucking stop it!

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chemblrish · 2 months

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11 March 2024

I was surprised that my solutions didn't crystallize over the past week to which my thesis supervisor said lightheartedly that it's normal and that he once waited for something to crystallize for THREE YEARS. I hope my solutions know I need to graduate some day.

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