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samkerrworshipper · 8 months

Text

togetherness

matilda’s x reader

this one’s a long one so rip

also pls keep sending request lol i need ideas

your a rookie on the squad, struggling to find your footing in a team that you don’t think you fit into. what happens when a certain conflict arises between you and one of your teammates?

angst, little bit of fluff, 5k+ words

I couldn’t really give you a timeline on when I started to space out, when I started to check out. I knew chronologically it would have had to be a few weeks ago, after the world cup had started, just after my whole life had become a shit storm. It was a process, checking out of your own life, it took time, I think that’s why I couldn’t tell you the one moment that I started to, because there wasn’t an exact moment. Slowly the days just all start to smudge into one big mess, you can’t tell people what day it is anymore or when your last meal was. Which sounds stupid, because those are just mundane things. When you check out of life though those things stop mattering, for me I either sleep obtusely or I don’t sleep at all, I don’t eat, I forget how to look after myself. I try to be discreet about it for as long as I can, but eventually people catch on, especially when you are playing professional sport, because you are surrounded by doctors and athletes that know the signs of burnout.

At around two weeks, I think, I could tell my team was catching onto my behaviour. I was a mess, I came to breakfast in the morning with puffy red eyes from crying at night, I didn’t really talk to anyone unless I had to, I was always tired, I kept to myself a little bit too much. It was a matter of time until I was approached, probably told off for having a shitty attitude. I had predicted that, expected it. What I hadn’t expected was to be pretty much cornered in my locker before training by our team captain, Sam Kerr.

As one of the youngest on the team it was safe to say that I was pretty much terrified of our skipper. Not that Sam was a scary person, she was lovely, considerate to a fault. But she was terrifying in a sense that we all knew heading into the world cup she had one ambition and that was to win at home, at all costs. That’s a little bit intimidating, especially when you know that she is prepared to hand you your ass on a silver platter if you do absolutely anything to jeopardise that ambition.

I’d been sitting in my cubby, lacing my cleats up. Both of my airpods in, hoodie on, tracksuit on, puffer jacket hood on. If I didn’t scream unapproachable I don’t know what did. I’d been sitting there a little bit too long I think, staring at my shoe lace for a little bit long, long enough for someone to point me out to Sam. I’d gotten the fright of my life when Sam’s hand had very gently connected with my shoulder. I’d flinched back almost immediately, before turning around and realising where the contact had come from. Sam looked a little bit offended by my sudden reaction to her touch, but the concern left her facial expression fairly quickly.

“Are you okay kid?”

I hated that question. Three words that drove me insane. I don’t think anyone ever answered that question honestly, because it was so blunt. How were you supposed to honestly answer a person you didn’t trust with the answer to the question.

I pulled my airpods out of my ears purely out of respect, even though I could hear Sam perfectly clear.

“Fine, Cap.”

I thought my words would have been enough of an indicator that I didn’t want to talk to her but she’d taken it as an invitation instead to sit down on the bench beside me.

“You don’t look fine.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw blood, and focused on completing the task of lacing up my cleats.

“Well I am.”

My answers were short and snappy, closed off. They didn’t leave room for imagination or interpretation. I was a blunt person, I spoke bluntly, I reacted to things bluntly. I’d always been that way and I was pretty sure I’d never change.

“Do you want to talk about it? Because I’m here for you.”

I gulped and finished tying up my first cleat, moving on to pulling the second one over my sock covered left foot. I always put the left one on first, it had become routine for me, that was how I’d tied them before I’d won my first game and I’d stuck with it, it was a superstition that I’d never been able to break and I didn’t see why I should break it now.

“I don’t have anything I need to talk to you about.”

My voice was betraying me, my voice and my eyes. I knew Sam would pick up on my aversion to looking at her in the eyes. I could blame it on focusing on tying up my shoes but she was also sitting directly above them and every time I lifted my eyes I just happened to focus on the wall behind her instead.

“Doesn’t seem that way, Ellie told me that she’s heard you crying in your ensuite at night, she says you don’t sleep very much, which I think your under eyes are enough supporting evidence.”

I let my eyes drift over to Ellie, she was standing on the complete opposite side of the locker rooms, talking anxiously to Kyra and Hailey. As soon as she looked up and met my eyes I could tell that Sam’s approach to me had been driven by her, the anxious look in her eyes was enough of a giveaway.

“Ellie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, the girl talks in her sleep most of the time or she’s on the phone to her girlfriend, I don’t think she’d be able to recall my night time activities.”

I focused back in on my cleats, knotting them furiously with my hands that I had now realised were shaking.

“She seemed to have a pretty good idea, we’ve all seen you’ve been checked out recently. I get if you don’t want to talk about it now around the girls. You seem to be having a bad day. So how about you get yourself through training and then you and I have a chat in private?”

It was phrased as a question but nothing about how she’d said the words came out as a proposition, it was an order. I would have tried to object but I knew it would be useless, Sam had made her mind up and once Sam had made up her mind there was no changing it.

“Sounds good skipper.”

My voice was nothing but dripping with sarcasm, it was my only way of pushing out my very clear distaste with the idea of having to talk to Sam after training. As soon as Sam stood up and I’d checked that both of my cleats were on properly I marched right over to Ellie, pulling her away from the conversation she was in and back over to my locker.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but telling on me to cap isn’t going to get you fucking brownie points with me, we aren’t friends Ellie, we’re not sleepover buddies. I am working tooth and nail here to be fucking respected and I just got a proper emotional dressing down from Kerr that was pretty much just her telling me that I needed to get my act together. If that doesn’t scream out not fucking respected than I don’t know what does.”

I watched all of the colour drain from Ellie’s face as she slowly became far more uncomfortable in the conversation. She wasn’t backing down though.

“I don’t know what fucking planet you are on y/n/n but we are just looking out for you. I hear you at night in the bathroom, sobbing and balling your eyes out. That doesn’t scream out okay to me. Sam wasn’t giving you a dressing down she was asking you if you were fucking okay, something that we’ve all wanted to do for a few weeks now, we were just all scared to because we thought you were going to rip our heads off, like you are doing to me right now. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about you right now because how you’ve been behaving as of late isn’t fucking normal and anybody in there right mind would be worried about you.”

Ellie and I’s argument had escalated enough that I could tell most of the locker room's attention had fallen to our heated conversation, neither of us were ready to back down though and that much was evident in how strong both of our glares at each other held.

“Fuck you, you aren’t the person who gets to decide whether or not I’m okay or not. So what if I’ve been keeping to myself? Maybe I needed some down time away from this fucking extroverted team that never gives me a fucking break.”

It was a personal dig, one that I had said far too loudly in a crowded room of girls that I actually really loved, it had been like word vomit though, getting thrown out in me and Ellie’s fight.

“That’s not fair and you know it, all anybody here has done is be nice to you and you’ve been a fucking dick to everyone for the last few weeks, it’s not normal. You were so happy at training camp but ever since we’ve gotten here you’ve lost your shit and it’s fucking pathetic because we are your team and family and you should trust us more than anybody else but you don’t you don’t give two shits about anybody here besides yourself and we can all see it. It’s embarrassing having your represent us in your current condition. Your a wreck. You didn’t deserve to be brought up from the under 20’s. Maybe if you spent less time in our bathroom at nighttime crying about how hard your sorry ass life was you’d realise there are people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you are.”

Ellie’s words had taken the air out of my lungs, it wasn’t what I’d expected and even her facial expression reflected that she was a little bit taken aback by her own words. They were personal, really personal. I blinked a few times, trying to get a footing in the conversation but I couldn’t, because what was I supposed to say to a person accusing me of being a selfish heartless team mate? Me and Ellie stood stock still, just staring at each other, both of us obviously waiting for the other to keep talking but neither of us could.

“Ellie Madison Carpenter, out on the field, right now.”

Steph’s voice echoed against the walls of the changerooms, everyone else was standing completely silent and still in the room. I looked around the locker rooms, aware that literally everyone besides Sam who had left the locker rooms after her talk to me had just heard Ellie’s speech. I was too shocked to do anything besides plaster my hand against my mouth and run directly into the bathroom that connected to the change rooms. I did my best to not let any tears fall until I’d locked the disabled bathroom door behind me and I’d slid down onto the floor. Was that actually what the team thought of me? That I was a selfish, useless, coldhearted bitch who was just here for herself? Ellie’s words had hurt my heart and soul, because I didn’t play for myself, I hadn’t ever.

I consciously could hear the frantic knocking on the bathroom door but my subconscious was doing its best to tune it out.

“Y/n, open the door, please.”

“Fucking Ellie, that kid has no fucking filter.”

“How are we supposed to explain to Cap that she locked herself in the bathroom?”

“Fuck we were supposed to be on the field five minutes ago, Tony is going to have a field day giving us fucking suicide sprints.”

Those were a few of the sentences that I made out through the door. They were enough to tell me that I needed to get my shit together, because one thing I couldn’t handle on top of the team thinking I was all of those things was the team thinking I was the fucking emotional mess that everyone seemed to think I was. So after letting whatever tears I had left fall, I flushed the toilet, in an attempt to try and disguise the sound of me furiously washing the redness off of my face then I walked towards the door, took a deep breath and unlocked it. Hailey and Macka were both waiting outside and were very clearly surprised by my exit from the bathroom.

“Alanna, don’t worry about getting skip, she’s out.”

I bit the inside of my mouth again, satisfied with the irony taste of my own blood filling my mouth.

“Sorry, just feeling a little bit sick.”

It was very clear none of them believed my excuse. I tried to push past them though, trying my hardest to avoid whatever awkward confrontation that I was apparently bound to, because both Ras and Mackenzie stopped me before I could take a step.

“Y/n. What Ellie said wasn’t true and it’s okay for you to feel emotions about that, she let the heat of the moment get to her.”

I gulped, swallowing the mixture of blood and sweat that was resonating in my mouth.

“I told you, I feel sick. I don’t give a shit what Ellie has to say, she’s very welcome to her own opinions, this is a free country, she has an issue I’d rather her say it to my face.”

My words were faulty, untrustworthy, like ice that was slowly cracking.

“You are allowed to be upset at her for saying that about you, it was mean and she was trying to get to you. It’s okay for you to have emotions about that.”

I pursed my lips, I hated confrontation. Confrontation was terrifying.

“I told you I just felt sick, I still do. I need to go talk to Tony, can I leave or am I being held hostage until I talk about emotions that I don’t have or feel right now?”

Hayley and Mackenzie both looked between each other, trying to think up another plan of attack but clearly not finding anything telepathically between themselves.

“You are free to go, we’re here for you if you need to talk.”

I rolled my eyes at the two of them.

“Thanks, I’ll keep a mental note next time I need a therapist to talk about my nonexistent selfish feelings with.”

The sarcasm rolled off of my tongue too easily as I walked out of the locker rooms and into the tunnel, slowly making my way out onto the field. It was night training, so the ground was cold and the bright white fluorescent lights were blaring down across the pitch. I looked out across the ground, the girls had already started running whatever drills they’d been instructed to start with which led me to ask myself the question of how long had I actually locked myself in that bathroom for?

I made my way straight over to Tony who was looking at me in that way he tended to when he was thinking about something.

“Ms y/l/n.”

He smiled at me, a little bit too kindly for my liking.

“Coach, I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I might have eaten something funny this morning, probably that granola that looked like it had been sitting out for a little bit to long, I think I should probably just rest for tonight, unless you want a granola vomit mess to deal with.”

Tony’s eyes studied me, my body language, silently assessing my every move.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with what happened between you and Ms Carpenter?”

Fuck, that was me exposed. I looked down to my cleats, by default, because I couldn’t look into his eyes knowing that he knew I was lying straight to his face.

“She approached me, told me that she’d said some things to a teammate before coming out for warm ups that she was sorry for, that I should sit her out for a game because of it. Wouldn’t tell me who she’d spoken to, which made me think it must have been pretty serious.”

I gulped anxiously, fuck. Fuck Ellie for making this whole night a flaming hot pile of shit.

“It wasn’t anything bad, I feel sick, it’s got nothing to do with Ellie, I’m a big girl, I can handle my own problems, she shouldn’t sit out for a week, we need her.”

I let my eyes cross the field, to where Ellie was, her whole complexion had paled dramatically and she looked like she’d just been on a really high rollercoaster.

“We also need to look out for the safety of our players. I'm going to ask you this once and I want you to tell me the complete truth. Did Ellie personally attack you in the change rooms before training tonight? Don’t lie to me, I’ll ask one of your team mates if you do and I don’t want to hear that their answers were any different to yours.”

I bit down hard on my mouth tissue, there was a part of me that wanted to lie for Ellie, even though it would probably land us in more trouble, there was also a part of me that wanted to hand her in, even though in my eyes she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she’d said her peace.

“We were both giving it to each other, she gave as much as she got. I deserve to sit out a week just as much as she does if we’re referencing words said to each other, we were both rude, we got stuck up in the heat of the moment. I promise you, with every bone in my body that it won’t ever happen again, I swear to you.”

One thing that my brother told me when we were growing up was how to effectively lie. There was an art to the practice of lying. The first rule was body language, everyone had a tell, it was about identifying yours and then figuring out how to stop it or disguise it. For example, my youngest brother would always tap his left foot when he was lying. Rule number two is eye contact. You need to make some, but not so much that it’s creepy. People can tell when you refuse to make eye contact with them, so you need to occasionally. Third is your voice, it needs to be steady, your pitch and tone need to be consistent, one of the easiest tells is a raised voice when you lie. The fourth rule is physical change, this one is probably the hardest, because there isn’t anything you can do to stop yourself if you get clammy hands when you are lying, you just have to disguise it. The fifth and final rule is words, you need to use enough that your sentences are coherent but don’t over-sell yourself, summarise what needs to be said, instead of reading off a whole backstory.

I’d broken number five and two whilst talking to Tony and I could tell that he was picking up on it. He looked between me and the field before calling over one of my teammates.

“Mary, can I have you for a second.”

I gulped down the lump that was forming in the back of my throat when Fowler finished off the drill she was doing and ran over to the sideline to stand beside the coach and I.

“What can I do for you, coach?”

He smiled at her, I’d very quickly noticed that Mary was one of his favourites, rightfully so. She was a hard worker but she was also kind, Matilda’s captain material for the future.

“Can you give me a run down of what happened in the lockers before training between Ellie and y/n, from my understanding there was a small altercation, but both of them aren’t telling me the whole story and I don’t have time for beating around the bush.”

I looked at Mary, silently praying for her to downplay it, maybe she hadn’t heard much of it. She was the one to pick if you wanted an honest answer, she couldn’t lie for the life of her, I knew that much. She bit her lip subtly, thinking thoroughly before she said anything.

“None of us heard how it started, we all knew that y/n/n was the one to drag Ellie over to her locker after Cap spoke to her. They were arguing, it seemed harmless. Until Ellie was yelling in y/n/n’s face.”

Tony nodded at her inquisitively, clearly very invested in what she had to say.

“Did you hear what Ms Carpenter was saying to Ms y/l/n?”

I gulped, shaking my head as subtly as I could at Mary, this whole encounter was a headache.

“Look, it’s not really something I’m comfortable with repeating.”

I knew Mary was trying to be helpful but I also knew that statement was going to backfire on her because it made the whole situation sound a lot worse than it was.

“Mary, if you don’t tell me I will get someone else too, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Mary herself gulped anxiously, her eyes frantically darting between Tony and myself. I nodded at her, clearly seeing her distress and just giving her the permission to say her peace, because apparently it was going to get said anyways.

“She was yelling at y/n/n about how y/n/n was selfish and didn’t give a shit about anybody beside herself. I heard her using something about y/n crying in their bathroom at night against her, saying that she was too worried or self obsessed to care about anyone else on the team. I wasn’t close enough though to tell you exactly what either of them said. I was on the other side of the room, Steph was the closest, if you want information I’d be asking her, not me.”

I could feel my hands shaking in my pockets, this whole situation was giving me anxiety.

“Okay then, thank you, can you go fetch Steph for me, just tell her to come over here.”

Mary nodded at coach, before sending me a silent sorry smile before running back out onto the pitch.

Coach pointed to the bench that was on the sidelines a few feet behind us, silently motioning for me to follow him and take a seat down on it.

“Based on what I’ve just been told, I think that Ellie should sit out for a week, her behaviour towards you was unacceptable and she needs to understand there are repercussions for those kinds of situations. Y/n I know that you’ve struggled to find your footing in the team, I’ve seen you struggling with your mental health. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about it or if you need help. If those struggles mean that you need to separate yourself from the team then that is what you do, regardless of the decisions you make you are a valued member on this team and you don’t deserve to be verbally assaulted because Ellie has a problem with you.”

I pursed my lips, I didn’t think I’d been verbally assaulted, if anything I’d started it.

“Coach, I started it with Ellie. She didn’t even mean what she said, we need her this week, it’s an important game that we can’t afford to have her miss. I don’t want to be the reason we lose this week just because me and Ellie had a minor altercation, it was nothing.”

I couldn’t ignore the deep frown on his face, it was a mixture of concern and disappointment and it went straight to my heart.

“Coach? Mary said you need to speak to me?”

Both of our heads snapped up at the sudden sound of Steph’s voice. She was standing about a foot away from us, her brow furrowed in my direction.

“Steph, yes, I’m just having some trouble understanding the altercation that went down before warm ups with Ms Carpenter and Ms y/l/n. Ms y/l/n is trying to take the whole blame for it and I don’t really believe the whole story that she’s giving me, so if you could please give me some insight it would be much appreciated, as I am taking this very seriously.”

Steph’s eyes went straight to mine, she was my fellow Arsenal team mate, probably the only person on our Matilda’s squad who I could actually call my friend. She was frowning at me deeply, trying to study my facial expression.

“Y/l/n started it, she pulled Ellie up after having a chat with skipper, but from what I heard she was more just annoyed that Ellie had told skipper about some of her more concerning habits. Ellie was mad about being pulled up on it, typical Ellie fashion she took it to heart and she made it personal. I do recall her calling saying something along the lines of if y/n spent less time in their bathroom at nighttime crying about how ‘hard’ her sorry ass life was then she’d realise there were people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you she was, Ellie also made a lot of comments about y/n/n being a selfish person who didn’t give a shit about any of the people around her. Y/n/n might have technically started it but in her defence she didn’t say anything personal or wrong to Ellie, she was just voicing her annoyance about Ellie telling on her to Sam, Ellie was trying to voice her concerns over Y/n/n but it came out wrong and she was trying to make light of a situation that was not hers to talk about in a public space, it was unprofessional and distasteful behaviour from both of them but Ellie was the one who escalated it and made it worse. All y/n really did was tell Ellie to leave her alone and stop pushing, when Ellie did push too far y/n rushed to the bathroom and locked herself in there. Ellie’s behaviour was unacceptable to say the least and I’ve told her, I’m sure Sam will as well once I talk to her about it. I’ve told Ellie she has to apologise to y/n/n and that kind of behaviour won’t be tolerated towards anybody let alone her own teammate.”

Steph’s rundown of the situation was more factual and foolproof then any of the other versions Gustavsson had received and I knew that he was going to believe everything she’d told him.

“Okay, thank you, I really appreciate your transparency on the situation. I made the right call making you interim captain whilst Sam was out. That’s all I should need for now, feel free to go back to what you were doing, I’ll be out there in a minute.”

Once Steph was out of earshot Tony turned to me, clearly a little bit taken aback by all of the information he’d just absorbed.

“You are going to sit out tonight, call it sickness or whatever you please. I want you to stay and watch though, you should be here and you deserve to be here. I’m going to talk to Ellie after training, and just because you don’t seem to want her sitting out I’ll see how remorseful she is and make my roster decision for this weekend based off of that. I know she’s your teammate and you feel like you are taking one for the team by enabling her behaviour towards you and maybe it was a one off, just a heat in the moment thing as you called it. Maybe it wasn’t though, I’m not going to take chances. I want you to think about your own actions as well, think about how you could have dealt with that situation more effectively. Once training’s over you are going to head back to the hotel with the girls and you are going to spend time with them, proper bonding time.”

I nodded at coach, I didn’t have it in me to argue with him.

“Coach, I’m rooming with her.”

It was my main concern, not that Ellie scared me, I’d pretty much ignored her the whole tournament, not that she spent a lot of time in our room anyways, she spent all of her free time until curfew in other teammates rooms.

“Talk to Kerr about it, get her to switch them around, I’m sure it’s not that difficult. Switch rooms, relax for the night, get some sleep, be back here tomorrow. I don’t care whether or not you feel up to training, just be here. This team is your family and whether or not it feels like it they care a lot about you, they are here to support you if you let them. Sometimes you just need to take the leap of faith.”

I nodded at coach. He was a gentle soul, a good one. He reached over to me, offering me a hug and I took it, letting him wrap his arms around my shoulders. It was nice, it didn’t last long but it felt nice. Once he was done giving me a hug he stood up and followed Steph out onto the field.

I found myself gravitating to a spot directly on the sideline, where our team manager was stationed. She didn’t ask any questions as I sat down on the frosty grass beside her station, I was grateful for that much. I hadn’t talked to her much but she seemed lovely and in the very little interactions I had had with her she had gone above and beyond to make me comfortable in whatever we were doing.

I spent my training, sitting on the grass, watching the team as they ran through a few drills and plays before moving into a full scrimmage. I kept my body tucked in, my knees to my chest, my puffer jacket and hoodie wrapped tightly around my legs and torso to pull my knees even further into my chest. It was a blessing that they’d designed waterproof sweatpants, because I would have probably had a cold and wet ass if they hadn’t. Somewhere along the way our team manager offered me a packet of gummy bears and I couldn’t find it in me to decline her offer, so I snacked on the gelatinous pieces of sugar whilst I watched the training slowly come to an end.

They finished with PK’s and then concluded the session. I stayed seated in my little spot, I hoped that no one had spotted me and maybe if I waited for everyone to slip off the field and into the locker rooms I would just be able to hop onto the bus without being detected. My plan pretty much backfired immediately when a certain captain beelined directly towards me, clearly I hadn’t gone unnoticed to her. I grimaced as she got closer to my spot, my spot that my head had deemed as a safe spot from the rest of my teammates.

Sam didn’t even acknowledge me to begin with, instead turning her attention to our team manager, making pretty common conversation with her. She spoke to her for a few minutes, it was afternoon tea talk, just bullshit. Sam’s specialty. Eventually when she finished up she looked down at me, an eyebrow raised. She motioned for me to stand up and follow her, so stupidly, like a puppy, I did. My muscles were cold and I’d be lying if I said that getting up from the ground hadn’t been a little bit harder than I’d predicted. I managed though and caught up to Sam, following after her as she walked back down the tunnel but instead of turning into the locker rooms we kept walking down the corridor until we came to the video review room. It was pretty much just a conference room, one big room with a bunch of tables and chairs that we used to scout and review our own games. Sam closed the blinds to the room, so no bye passers could see in and turned the lights on.

She seated herself at one of the tables, gesturing for me to do the same, so I did. The first thing Sam did was pull out her phone and start typing something or another before looking up at me.

“Steph told me about what happened between you and Ellie.”

I gulped, biting my lip as I tried my hardest to maintain my eye contact with Sam, I wasn’t going to break, not again. I watched as Sam’s finger made its way to her mouth and she bit down on her nail in a questioning kind of way that I couldn’t explain even if I tried.

“I started it, I was pissed off at her for ratting on me to you.”

My honesty would be appreciated, I knew that Sam valued honesty above anything else.

“I don’t really care who started it, I care about togetherness, you know that. This team needs one thing, cohesion. I don’t care who started it, I care about who the problem was and in that situation it was Ellie, she said things that she had no business saying, with the intention of hurting you. That’s enough to tell me that in that situation she was prepared to jeopardise our team just so she could tear down one of our own. I’ve recommended to Tony that she sits out this week. He told me you were apprehensive about it, I wanted to know why.”

There was a simple answer, and a more complex answer, a part of me knew which one Sam wanted.

“Short answer, Ellie is a crucial part of our team, we need her. Long answer, I don’t think she did anything wrong.”

Sam looked up at me, a little bit shocked.

“Look y/n, it’s clear there's been a lot on your mind recently. A lot that you clearly aren’t prepared to share, and that's okay. I saw on the sideline tonight, you looked like you were mentally in a different place, like you were really worried thinking about something and you’ve been like that for a few weeks. I know that you have trust issues, that you are finding it hard to slot into this team because you are scared to be vulnerable. I am here for you, I won’t judge you, I will help you with whatever you need help with, because I can tell there is something and until you do seek out help for it it is only going to destroy you further.”

Sam’s words receded in me, because she was so right that I couldn’t even try to deny it.

“Am I a selfish player and teammate?”

The words felt so raw coming out of my throat, it was something that Ellie had said that had stuck with me.

“No, I can honestly tell you you aren’t. You play football with so much grace and kindness that sometimes it drives me up the wall watching you help up your opponents who have tripped over. You aren’t a selfish person either, you are more reserved, that doesn’t make you selfish, it just makes you self aware, there is a big difference.”

I nodded at Sam, not sure what else there was for me to do. Her words were full of so much wisdom, so much insight. I still couldn’t find it in me to believe them fully though, my self deprecating brain not welcome to accepting any kind of form of praise.

“Look, change is hard. You are young, inexperienced. Staying somewhere that you’ve outgrown though is only going to destroy you. I know this is a big jump, I wouldn’t have reccomended for you to be here though if I didn’t think it was the right fit. You are a world class player, and a genuinely good person. When you smile, it lights up a room. Your laugh is contagious. It’s clear that you’ve never been cared for properly, never let yourself. You have a family now though y/n. You have people that you can go to when you are having a bad day, people that are going to love you no matter what. Use that, take advantage of it. A team doesn’t function without trust.”

There was something about Sams words that told me she actually understood what I was going through, she was dancing on a line of relating to me and giving me advice, the line was a little bit blurred though.

“Do you trust me?”

I let Sam’s words hang in the air for a few seconds, it took me a little while to formulate a reponse.

“I don’t trust anyone, not even myself.”

Sam’s eyes, those brown orbs spoke to me, more than any words ever could to me.

“You don’t think people care for you.”

“Why would people care for me?”

There was so much insecurity behind the words, years of it all built up.

“I care, I’ll always care. Everyone should have somebody to care for them.”

“You have to care, your my captain.”

It was the last bit of defiance leaving my body, the last of my barriers being used.

“Partly, yes. It’s sort of my job. But I save it for the ones who need it and you seem to be in need.”

I rolled my eyes, another defence mechanism that I used to deflect, to avoid my emotions.

“I don’t need help.”

“Maybe not, but when you’re born in a burning house you think the whole world is on fire until someone shows you it isn’t.”

I didn’t fully understand her cryptic but I got the general idea.

“You implying I was born in a burning house?”

Sam’s head tilted, like she wasn’t denying my statement but also didn’t agree with it fully.

“I’m implying that you are here for a reason. That we are all here for different reasons, different driving factors. The difference between you and some of the other girls is that you are letting your past define you, when it doesn’t. The best part of being here is that when you are out on the pitch nobody cares about anything else, nobody could care less about what’s happened in your personal life. Use that, use that to be happy, to find your motivation. Trust me? Let me show you that this team isn’t just a group of girls, it can be your family if you want it to be.”

I looked at Sam flatly trying to figure out how serious she was, when he face didn’t falter I realised how serious she was and that scared me a little bit. I didn’t know if I was ready for that, ready for a family, ready to feel loved and appreciated. It wasn’t soemthing I’d ever really experienced.

“Y’know that it shouldn’t seem remarkable to you that people who love and care for you actually want to treat you well.”

Those words were the straw that broke my back. I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes.

“y/n,” Sam’s voice drew my eyes up to her own “You are allowed to cry.”

I shook my head at her, bringing the sleeve of my jumper up to my eyes to rub at the tears escaping my eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you though?”

It was the amount of questioning behind her face that threw me off, I knew she didn’t believe me but the amount of concern laced into her facial expression hit some place in my heart I didn’t know I had.

“You know that it’s okay to not be fine all the time. You are allowed to have feelings, to feel things other than numb. Look, feeling hurts. Life is pain, life is suffering. Being alive hurts, it’s horror and it sucks. But you are alive and it’s spectacular and brilliant because instead of just living you are alive.”

I continued rubbing at my eyes, trying my best to stop any of the tears running down my face.

“I’ll think about it cap, I think it’s about time for me to head back to the hotel.”

Before I could get up and completely leave the room Sam got in her final words.

“There are poeple around that would miss you y/n/n, people who would be gutted if anything ever happened to you. Just think about that.”

#woso #marry me rn #sam kerr #woso community #sam kerr x reader #matildas #matildas x reader #angst #little bit of fluff #auswnt #ellie carpenter #tony gustavsson #steph catley #wrote this instead of sleeping #all nighter #i’m crying #i’m so tired

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wosoimagines · 1 year

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Put Respect On My Name - USWNT/Reader

I will say that I due use both Christen Press and Christian Pulisic in this fic but it’s not at the same time. So when you see the spellings change know that it’s a different person and I’m not just stupid.

prompt: Pulisic!Reader is at the December camp. Reader is pissed after she watches a break down of the men’s team and its made mention that Christian’s family must be excited because its the first time a Pulisic is going to a World Cup even though the Reader went to the 2019 World Cup.

warnings: none

words: 1817

(Y/N) POV

We were sitting around the conference room with one of the laptops hooked up to the projector so we could play the program that was breaking down our men’s team that would be in Qatar. As much as I had wanted to be in Qatar for the World Cup, Christian understood why I wasn’t going to be there. After all, I could be arrested and jailed in Qatar just for being queer.

“What about Captain America? Christian Pulisic?” Alexi Lalas asked. I perked up at that. “You have to imagine that the Pulisic family is excited about this after the men failed to qualify for the 2018 World Cup. And most people were looking at Christian Pulisic for that. But also because he’s going to be the first one in the family to ever go to a World Cup.”

I clenched my fist at that. It was bad enough that I usually had to deal with my parents overlooking my achievements for Christian’s, but to have someone do it so blatantly on TV was humiliating. I ignored the looks some of my teammates sent me.

“I mean, everyone is going to be looking at Christian to lead this team,” Alexi said. I shook my head at him because I couldn’t let him get to me. “And with how Christian’s younger sister has been playing? Well, that family needs something to look forward to. I mean, (Y/N) Pulisic has been forgettable in these last three USWNT matches. Horrible last three games for her and there’s still one more game on the table. They might even lose that game and break the record for the longest USWNT losing streak. So this family must be looking forward to seeing their son in the World Cup.”

I scoffed at that. My recent performances were the last thing I needed to hear about.

“Fuck this dude.”

I looked over my shoulder at Pinoe who was sitting behind me.

“First Pulisic my ass. We’ve got a Pulisic who has won a World Cup,” Pinoe said. She reached forward and ruffled my hair. “We all have bad games every now and then. You’ll get out of this funk.”

I did stick around to see the rest of the program. I knew it would be crucial for our guys to get a win against Wales or Iran. We were obviously going to be the underdogs against England, but I couldn’t wait to see the guys play in the World Cup. It would definitely be nice to see Christian play in his first World Cup.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, don’t let what Lalas said get to you,” Christen said as I propped my phone up on the desk. “He’s just an idiot.”

“He said it for the whole country to hear. And that comment about this being the first time a Pulisic is at the World Cup?” I pointed out. I shook my head at that as I moved over to my bags. “It’s bullshit. I’m one of the best scorers in the world. I just won the Ballon d’Or this year.”

“Just make them respect you,” Tobin spoke up from the back ground. I rolled my eyes at that. “You have the skills. Just go back to your basics. Don’t try to be too complicated.”

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to try to live up to an older brother who hasn’t even accomplished half of what you have,” I pointed out. “I have more caps, more World Cups, and more goals and yet everyone thins Christian is better than me.”

“Look, at me, (Y/N).”

I looked up to meet Christen’s eye as I sat my gear on the bed.

“You’re a great player in your own right. You just listed out all of the accomplishments you’ve already achieved and you’re only 22,” Christen said. “You’re gonna go out there and play against Germany and you’re gonna do great. You’re gonna show people why they should respect you.”

“I just want people to remember me for what I’ve done, not because of my older brother,” I said. I sighed as I rubbed the back of my head. “Don’t I deserve that?”

“You do, (Y/N),” Tobin assured me. I shook my head cause I wasn’t sure anymore. “You really do. Just make them remember.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Tobin is right though, (Y/N). You just have to go to the basics. Don’t be too complicated,” Christen said. I sighed as I threw my gear into my practice bag. “I’m serious. Don’t worry about your own performance but rather how the team is doing. Just go out and play for the win and the rest will come to you. It always has.”

“Yeah, okay,” I nodded. I knew that they were right. “I just gotta make sure we are getting the win. Hey, I gotta go. The bus leaves for practice soon. I’ll call you guys later though?”

“You can call either of us anytime, kid,” Tobin said.

I gave her a soft smile as I reached out to grab my phone before ending the call. Once I pocketed my phone, I grabbed my gear bag before heading out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know I don’t agree with what he said, right?” Christian asked through the phone.

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded.

Christian had called me as soon as I had gotten out of practice. I had been tempted not to answer, but I ultimately did because he wasn’t the one I was upset with.

“Obviously I’ve got to ask you for advice on how to deal with the pressure,” Christian said.

I smiled at that. Christian had always paid attention to how people often put me down even though my career had been more impressive so far.

“Just make sure you play to the best of your ability and you just play for the win,” I told him. Christian smiled at me.

“See? You’re already giving me great advice and the World Cup hasn’t even started yet,” Christian said. I chuckled at that. “Now I just need you to train me so I can win a Ballon d’Or.”

“Try moving to a new team.”

“Oh real funny, (Y/N).”

“Hey, you asked.”

The two of us just sat on the call in silence for a moment.

“Are you sure you’re not upset with me for decided not to go to Qatar?” I asked. It was something that was still really bugging me.

“(Y/N), answer this. If the World Cup was being held somewhere that wouldn’t arrest you for loving who you love, would you go?” Christian asked.

“Yeah, you know I would.”

“Then no,” Christian shook his head. “So long as you’ll watch the games and give me feedback on them, I don’t care.”

“Okay, but if you guys go to the final, I’ll be there,” I promised. Christian looked surprised at that. “You guys might surprise a lot of people.”

“Just go out there and show them why you’re the real Captain America in our family.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I broke out for the run as the ball was threaded through to me. I didn’t worry about trying to be fancy today. All I was worried about helping us win tonight. Before I knew it, it was just Berger and I. Then the ball was in the back of the net.

I immediately was running toward Pinoe. She ran out to meet me too.

“I told you that you’d get out of that funk!”

I grinned at that. It was now 3-1 as my goal had came after Sophia and Mal’s goals.

Just 5 minutes after that, I had a third goal on the night. I yelled as I ran toward the corner. I turned my back to the camera and pointed at my last name before turning back around.

“Put respect on my name! And don’t forget it!”

My teammates jumped onto my back.

“(Y/N) Pulisic is back!” Alex screamed as she threw her arms around me.

I grinned at that as we moved back to get ready for Germany to kick the ball. It didn’t feel like it was much longer until the game ended with the 5-1 win for us. I was stopped for an interview after the game.

“Congratulations on the hat-trick, (Y/N),” Aly Wagner said. I grinned and nodded at that. “What was going through your head today with this game?”

“Obviously we didn’t want to be the first USWNT team to lose four games in a row. But it was more for me, but I didn’t expect a hat-trick,” I admitted. I glanced over my shoulder at my teammates when they yelled my name. I shook my head at them. “Obviously, with the men going to Qatar for the World Cup here soon, we’ve been supporting our men and brushing up on the squad details. We watched a program to break down the men’s team and I just found some of the comments very offensive to me. I just want people to put the respect I deserve on my name.”

“Will you be going to Qatar to support Christian?” Aly asked.

“Unfortunately I will not,” I said with a small shake of my head. “I really would love to, but Christian and I have talk about it. I definitely wouldn’t have made such a decision without knowing how he felt about it. It always boils down to Qatar’s stance on the LGBTQ+ as we both would rather not risk that I would be arrested for being queer. Christian knows that if it was elsewhere then I would be attending too, but I did agree to watch the games and send him my own feedback.”

“You just mentioned putting respect on your name and giving your brother feedback,” Aly said. I nodded at that. “With that respect and obviously having won a World Cup yourself, does Christian ask you for advice?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” I nodded. We both often went to each other. “Christian and I understand each other better than most siblings do. He’s the one who taught me how to play soccer, but we’ve grown up practicing and playing together. We’ve been through these journeys together. Christian was the first person I told the first time I got called up for the senior team. And I was the first person who Christian called when he got his first call up. So I think we both ask each other for advice all the time, but I would never not try to help him.”

“All right, thank you and congratulations on the win and the hat-trick, (Y/N).”

I nodded at that before taking the headset off. I grinned as I headed back to the locker room. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the post Christian had tagged me in. It was a picture of me dressed as Captain America and he was calling me his Captain America in the caption.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #USWNT #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso imagines #woso

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sportsgr8 · 3 months

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WPL: Sutherland Will Add A Lot Of Firepower To Our Team, Says DC Captain Lanning

Premier League: Ahead of the Women's Premier League (WPL) 2024 season, Delhi Capitals captain Meg Lanning believes the inclusion of all-rounder Annabel Sutherland, who the side roped in for Rs 2 crore at the auction, will add a lot more firepower to the team. Annabel recently starred in Australia’s one-off Test against South Africa, making a double century and taking a five-wicket haul in the hosts’ win by an innings and 242 runs at Perth. "She comes into the team in hot form. I have played a lot of cricket with her and she’s a great addition, both with the bat and the ball.” “She has matured a lot on and off the field over the past 12 months. She will add a lot of depth, a lot of firepower to our team and I am excited to see how things go,” said Meg to broadcasters JioCinema ahead of the tournament. Lanning, Australia's multiple times World Cup-winning, was the leading run-scorer in the inaugural season of the Women’s Premier League (WPL) in 2023, amassing 345 runs in nine matches for the Delhi Capitals. Though Meg retired from international cricket last year, she is keen to get the Capitals win WPL 2024 after being runners-up last time. "It will be nice to contribute like I did last year. But my number one priority is to win the tournament and help Delhi win the tournament. So obviously as a batter I need to make some runs. "That’s the plan I am looking forward to. I have always enjoyed playing in India and it’s going to be tough. You’ve got some good bowlers out there and there’s no hiding these days as everybody knows what you do. So we’ll go out there, have some fun and see what happens." Asked about how DC dealt with the finale loss, Meg said: "Obviously, we would have loved to win and we got reasonably close to that. We didn’t make as many runs as we would have liked to. We had to fight really hard with the ball and Mumbai were just too good in the end. But to play such good cricket throughout was great. Hopefully we can go one better this year." Meg also feels she has evolved a lot over the years as a captain in the shortest format. "I am a very different captain now then what I was at the start. A lot of it has got to do with instinct especially in T20 cricket. It changes so quickly and you always need to stay a step ahead. "So, it’s always a good challenge for me to think about what the batters may be trying to do, and plan with the bowlers accordingly. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You have got to expect to fail a fair bit and expect things not to go right, but that’s the game and you need to work out the road ahead." She also had something to say on her vice-captain Jemimah Rodrigues. "She’s got a lot of talent obviously. She plays her music as well. She brings a lot of energy. It’s actually hard to get her attention on the field. "Sometimes, she’s dancing for the crowd and performing for them. I had my challenges trying to get hold of her but it’s nice to see her enjoying herself. So, let’s see how it goes this year." Speaking about the preparations for WPL 2024, Meg explained: "Everybody looks like they have improved and they are enjoying their cricket and are ready for the start of the season. We know each other a lot better than we did last year and we’ve got a reasonably similar squad as well. Hopefully that will mean we’ll be able to play well." With Delhi being one of the two venues alongside Bengaluru for WPL 2024, Meg is excited to play in front of DC’s home crowd. "I have played once in Delhi a number of years ago, so we are relying on some local knowledge. Generally, for T20 cricket in India, the tracks are pretty flat, targets hard to defend but good for batting. "We are really pumped to play in front of our home fans. We really felt the support last year playing in Mumbai, but playing in front of our fans is something the group is looking forward to." Meg signed off by revealing bits from her life post international cricket retirement, including working in a cafe. "It’s been good to be a little bit quieter, little bit slower pace, but I am ready to get back into the WPL. I have still been playing some domestic cricket back home, just trying to get ready for the tournaments I am playing in. "I worked at a café for about eight weeks, mainly just taking the coffees out. I would have loved to have been a barista but that may have been my next step. I do like my coffee and I have been to a few cafes in my town. I thought I’ll go and check it out from a different perspective and it was something I enjoyed doing." Read the full article

#AnnabelSutherland #DelhiCapitals #JemimahRodrigues #MegLanning #PremierLeague #SouthAfrica #ThoughMeg #WithDelhi #WorldCup

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pointreyesjournal · 1 year

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Get Me Off Of This Fucking Boat : ep207

At some juncture you realize that sailing is just transportation, and as much as it sounds like “first world problems”, being on this yacht is like being stuck in an airplane terminal. We’re just drifting from place to place but it doesn’t feel like we’re going anywhere. I think we’d all prefer to just park the boat in a scenic cove for a couple of days and just snorkel and dive until our backs are burnt to a crisp. But we can’t do that because Henrik and Beri are on a mission to be married, so we must press on.

The last 30 miles crossing the channel between Corsica and Sardinia are easy going and enjoyable, but Cheyenne and I can’t wait to hit the docks in Porto Cervo, rent a scooter, and disappear on the island for a couple of days.

Our plans are halted somewhat temporarily when we reach our destination.

Yacht Club Costa Smeralda is a billionaire's playground. Unless you’re playing with a very tall stack of chips, you needn’t apply. The Yacht Club hosts the Rolex Cup and the Swan Cup on back to back weeks each summer making it the world’s premier yachting destination for gentlemen (and women) interested in racing a sailboat. Winning skippers are awarded a Rolex watch which they (a) don’t need and (b) hoist beaming with pride. A Rolex as a trophy is the ultimate prize. Just ask Mario Andretti. He’s got a drawer full of Daytonas that you can’t buy at any price.

As much as we want to “cut and run” this yacht club is just astonishing. It’s warm and inviting with an understanded opulence. Henrik’s tall stack of chips means that we’re welcomed with open arms.

As the sun turns golden late in the day, we suit up for proper Mediterranean hobnobbing. I don’t get along well with khakis, so I’m doing gray slacks and a button up shirt. Floody busts out the white linen pants, with his shirt unbuttoned nearly to his navel. The girls surprise us with flower print summer dresses of similar print but different colors.

We’re poolside enjoying cocktails when Alexa saunters up in a jet black cocktail dress. She’s so hot that she scorches the earth beneath her wherever she walks. Captain Jean-Luc is not impressed. He’d prefer that Alexa stay in her uniform and tend to the boat, but she’s got different plans. With a harbor full of superyachts that make our sailboat look like a dinghy, it looks like she’s decided to put her hook in the water and see if she can catch a big fish.

Floody and Autumn welcome her with open arms to our cocktail group, and Cheyenne, seeing a light inside of her, gives her a big hug. We assure Captain Jean-Luc that, unusual as it may be to mingle with the crew, in this instance we welcome it.

Cheyenne: My god Alexa, you’re gorgeous. You look like Monica Bellucci’s little sister, only prettier!

Alexa: Merci Cheyenne. You look so beautiful too.

Cheyenne: If you’re not careful, you’re going to ride away on one of these superyachts with a billionaire.

Alexa: No no mon chéri, I’m going to be a pediatrician.

Cheyenne: A pediatrician who looks like Monica Bellucci …

Alexa: Well, her little sister at least.

Me: Henrik, this seems like the perfect place to be married. Right here next to the pool. Is tomorrow the day?

Henrik: I think tomorrow is the day. Captain Jean-Luc, will you officiate?

Captain Jean-Luc: It would be quite the honor of course, but the Commandant of the yacht club has offered his services.

Henrik: The Commandant hasn’t spent the last week guiding us through this amazing adventure. So we choose you.

Captain Jean-Luc: I am honored! But now I must go. I have to prepare the vows! Alexa! Come! We must prepare a wedding for our guests!

The Captain is beaming with pride as he hurries away to begin preparing for the wedding. Alexa bows out gracefully.

Alexa: Wedding vows require a woman’s touch.

#novel #romance novels #porto cervo #yachting #rolex #wedding #mediterranean

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cricketeurope · 2 years

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Hear About the Latest News on Dasun Shanaka Admired Statement, Uganda Cricket Star Ssesazi Story, and Jhulan Goswami Retirement at Lord’s

In today’s cricket sports news, learn more about Sri Lanka’s cricket captain Dasun Shanaka is held in the highest regard not just because he led a youthful team to victory in the T20 Asia Cup under exceptionally tough conditions, but also because of the comments he made at the post-match cricket news conference. Meanwhile, Simon Ssesazi, the standout player for the Uganda Cricket Cranes, was motivated to play the Gentleman’s game by his older brothers Ronald Ssemanda and Henry Ssenyondo, who have also served the national team diligently for an extended period of time. Lastly, India’s great fast bowler, Jhulan Goswami, played her final international match against England at Lord’s on Saturday, after announcing her intention to leave the national squad.

Shanaka Das Great Captain and Sportsman: “Not Just Cricket, but All Sports”

Original Source: Dasun Shanaka Great Captain and Sportsman – “Not only cricket, but other sports should also be on top”

I have the highest regard for Sri Lanka’s cricket captain Dasun Shanaka not only because he led a young team to win the T20 Asia Cup under difficult conditions, but also for the statement he made after the match. Dasun Shanaka said, “Cricket and other sports should be on top.” Media only talk about cricket. It’s important to mention other games,”

We should admire his selflessness. Instead of more benefits for his own sport, he wants to help other sports. I am touched by his bravery and social conscience and empathy. This is the first time a winning captain has said this.

We’ve given too much attention to cricket and neglected other sports, in my opinion. Several things cause this. First, cricket is the only sport we’ve taken global. However, it’s a Commonwealth game. Among Sri Lankans, cricket has a higher social status (‘gentleman’s game’) than Soccer (‘working class sport’), Volleyball, Hockey, and Athletics. In cricket, individual achievements (best batsman, bowler, fielder, all-rounder, man of the match) are more common than in team sports. Today, cricket is a huge business.

Why should Sri Lanka promote other sports? In recent years, cricket has become a very expensive sport. Back then, we only used batting pads, gloves, and ball guards. Thigh guard, arm guard, chest guard, elbow guard, mouth guard, headgear (helmet), sunglasses, kit bag, etc. are used today. Due to the competitiveness of the game, new machines and equipment are used to practice/train. In other sports, fewer and cheaper items are needed than in cricket. T20 cricket is a quick game. Some games last one or two hours.

Recently, our athletes proved we can compete internationally despite the economic and food crisis. Sri Lankan sprinter Yupun Abeykoon is ranked 20th in the world in 100 meters, the most competitive track and field event. He is the fastest man in South Asia and the first South Asian to break 10 seconds. Nethmi Poruthotage won Sri Lanka’s first Commonwealth Games wrestling medal. Nilani Ratnayake and Gayanthika Abeyratne have qualified for the World Athletics Championships in the USA, along with sprinter Yupun Abeykoon. The Sri Lankan government and sports authorities must develop financially viable sports other than cricket.

Therefore, it’s time for expatriates to support other sports like soccer, volleyball, hockey, and athletics, which are less expensive than cricket and can help more young people.

Ugandan Cricketer Ssesazi Began Batting at 5 Years Old

Original Source: KNOW YOUR STARS: Uganda Cricket star Ssesazi commenced batting business aged 5 years

Simon Ssesazi hit a record 148 for his Aziz Damani club against Kutchi Tigers at the Lugogo Cricket Oval in Kampala.

This is Ssesazi’s best score in his cricket career.

In this duel, Aziz Damani scored 402 to win.

The batting ace was happy with the personal feat as he aims for higher scores.

“I am happy that I batted 148, my highest score ever in cricket, and this was my best game so far,” he said.

Ssesazi is the ninth and last child of a sporting family.

Star Alliance Boss was born 20 August 1996 to Joseph Kakooza and Hellen Tumushabe.

He was inspired to play Cricket, known as the Gentleman’s game, by his older brothers Ronald Ssemanda and Henry Ssenyondo, who also played for the national team.

Ssesazi was born and raised in Naguru, Kampala, a rich sports hub.

In fact, he played Tennis, Badminton, Hockey, and Basketball at Lugogo sports village.

“I chose Cricket because it’s a team sport, unlike tennis or badminton. I play hockey and basketball. I spend a lot of time on Cricket right now,” he says.

Early:

Ssesazi hit at age 5.

In primary two, he represented East Kololo Primary school in the mini schools’ cricket program and was impressed.

Rest is history, they say. Ssesazi is a regular for club and country and the top batsman.

“I started playing Cricket at Lugogo at 5.” I used to copy them. In P2, I played in East Kololo’s Mini Schools’ Cricket Program. Remembers.

Ssesazi finished primary school at East Kololo and O and A levels at Mukono Parents Secondary School.

He is a third-year student at Kyambogo University studying development.

Ssesazi balances school and cricket with planning.

I plan well to balance school and cricket. I balance books, training, and games,” he says.

Uganda Cricket Coach Lawrence Mahatlane congratulates Simon Ssesazi John Batanudde Ssesazi made his senior Cranes debut against Malaysia in 2018.

“I played my first senior game in 2018 against Malaysia away. Being my first match, I was nervous at first but gained confidence as the game progressed. Sadly, we lost” he recalls.

His local idols are Ssemanda and Ssenyondo, while Christopher Henry Gayle (West Indies) is his international role model.

Henry Ssenyondo gestures during play. Ssesazi’s brother who inspired and motivated him John Batanudd

Chris Gyle is my international role model because he bats positively with 360 range in all formats. His unpredictability is how I’ve built my game. You never know what Ssesazi will play next.

Jhulan Goswami Retires After England Vs. India at Lord’s

Original Source: Jhulan Goswami: Leading ODI wicket-taker retires from international cricket after England vs India finale at Lord’s

Fast bowler Jhulan Goswami played her final international match against England at Lord’s on Saturday.

India captain Harmanpreet Kaur confirmed Goswami’s international retirement, but she could play in the first Women’s Indian Premier League season next year.

And Goswami ended as she began, facing England in the third ODI more than 20 years after making her international debut against them in Chennai as a 19-year-old.

Goswami was nicknamed the ‘Chakda Express’ in honor of her home town of Chakdaha, West Bengal. She played 204 ODIs, 68 T20Is, and 12 Tests and retired with 255 ODI wickets.

Her final appearance was five years after India lost to England in the 2017 World Cup final.

For the first time in 23 years, her India side won all three ODIs in England.

Goswami took two wickets in her final match to help India win the match after Deepti Sharma ran out Charlie Dean at the non-end. striker’s

Before the match, Goswami said, “Every moment [of my 20-year career] has had a lot of emotions and effort.”

“The 2017 World Cup, when our team fought back, is the highlight.”

“No one gave us a chance to play in a final, but the way we played that tournament was different, and from there, women’s cricket in India picked up.

“Right now, we have a way to encourage generations and young girls to take up cricket.”

As Goswami batted in the first innings, England players gave her a guard of honour, as did her teammates.

Former India captain Mithali Raj called her retirement the “end of an era,” and England’s Tammy Beaumont said “she’ll be missed.”

Others in cricket also praised Goswami, with Virat Kohli calling her a “great servant of Indian cricket” and Harbhajan Singh calling her his “favorite bowler.”

In the first two ODIs, the pace bowler took one wicket.

Two eras of India cricket

Many Indians see Goswami as the last link between two women’s cricket eras.

Goswami, Mithali Raj, Diana Edulji, Shikha Pandey, and Shantha Rangaswamy led the way for the current crop.

Goswami led India’s seam bowling, which lacked depth until recently, along with Pandey.

Raj quit international cricket before Goswami.

Goswami captained India 2008-2011.

During her time with the national team, India went from a middling team to one of the world’s best, with a growing following and the possibility of more talent emerging through the Women’s IPL.

Her career is a model for Indian village talent.

Current India men’s captain Rohit Sharma called Goswami a once-in-a-generation player. Renuka Thakur and Meghna Singh will hope to build on her legacy.

Summary of today’s Cricket/Sport News

Overall, Sri Lanka’s cricket captain Dasun Shanaka’s selflessness statement he made at the post-match press conference after winning the Asia Cup needs to be admired. Dasun Shanaka said “Not only Cricket, but other sports should also be on top. But the media always speaks only about cricket. It is a big thing if we talk about other games and bring them up,” Instead of asking for more benefits for his own sport, he is requesting to support other sports as well.

Meanwhile, during his second year of primary school, Simon Ssesazi represented East Kololo Primary school in the micro schools’ cricket program and performed admirably; this was the turning point in his career. Ssesazi started batting as young as five years old. He also made his senior cricket Cranes debut in 2018 away to Malaysia in a game Uganda lost. Currently, Simon Ssesazi hit a record 148 mark for his Aziz Damani club during a recent league match against Kutchi Tigers at the Lugogo Cricket Oval, Kampala city. This is the highest mark that Ssesazi has scored in his otherwise industrious cricket career thus far. The batting ace was left delighted with the personal feat as he targets career higher scores.

Finally, Jhulan Goswami played her farewell international match against England at Lord’s on Saturday. India captain Harmanpreet Kaur confirmed rumors of the 39-year-international ‘s retirement, but Goswami could yet play in the inaugural season of the Women’s Indian Premier League next year. Goswami faced England in the third ODI, more than two decades after making her international debut against the same opponent in Chennai at the age of 19.

The post Hear About the Latest News on Dasun Shanaka Admired Statement, Uganda Cricket Star Ssesazi Story, and Jhulan Goswami Retirement at Lord’s first appeared on Cricket Europe.

source https://www.cricketeurope.org/dasun-shanaka-admired-statement-uganda-cricket-star-ssesazi-story-and-jhulan-goswami-retirement-at-lords/

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dailysportclubs · 2 years

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Women's World Cup: India Captain Mithali Raj And Pakistan Captain Bismah Maroof "Exchange Greetings" Ahead Of Match

Despite millions of fans watching on from either side of the border, both India and Pakistan captains are treating their match-up in the ICC Women's Cricket World Cup 2022 as just another game. For India's Mithali Raj, the match is the chance to build momentum as India go for a first World Cup title.

"I think as a team we are excited to get into the World Cup and starting our campaign tomorrow. It's the first game, we are not looking at it as it's Pakistan we are playing against, we're looking at a team which has come prepared and we are equally prepared to put our best foot forward and we want to set a momentum going into the tournament, so that's how we look at our first game," said Mithali, as reported by ICC.

"Every time we play a World Cup, every game is very different - different locations, different conditions, different opponent. We've tried to give everybody a go in the warm-up game, so that everybody gets into the rhythm, they form the core players - and for tomorrow's game I think all of them have been watching the first opening game and everybody has their set plans," she added most beautiful female cricketer .

Pakistan and India captains exchanging greetings on the eve of their match. How excited are you? #CWC22 #BackOurGirls pic.twitter.com/fTEawDeiUI

— Pakistan Cricket (@TheRealPCB) March 5, 2022 As Raj embarks on her sixth World Cup, a record for the women's event, she shared a message for the Women in Blue.

"I think as a team, we need to get in with a clean slate, confident unit. And believe that we can always turn things around and play according to the situation. It's very important when you have a longer tournament - important to be present. Be aware on the ground and play according to the situation," said Raj.

Pakistan and India will meet in an ODI for the first time since the 2017 ICC Women's Cricket World Cup, but for Pakistan skipper Bismah Maroof it will be nothing out of the ordinary. "We are well prepared and we had good practice sessions and good warm-up games and I think the things we haven't done well in the last year, we have spoken about. Whoever takes the pressure well and plays to their strength - that team will win. We're hoping for a good match tomorrow," said Maroof.

Only time will tell which side will come out on top, but despite what the two skippers say the hopes of the two nations are pinned on a win for their side.

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outsideratheart · 3 years

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You’re My Future (Christen Press x reader)

You and Christen had been together for a few years. You had met when Christen got called up to the senior USWNT.

Over the years you had both made a name for yourself in the soccer world, her being the speedy forward and you being the all or nothing midfielder. You both loved what you did for living but living the dream came with a cost. The cost was finally catching up with the both of you, all of the flights, minutes on the pitch and pressure from the press and fans.

Christen was so happy when it was announced that she was the first player to be signed to Angel City FC but that happiness didn’t last long. You were both trying to get over the olympics, sure a bronze medal was great but you both wanted gold and you blamed yourself personally as you were the captain no matter how many times your girlfriend told you otherwise.

When she told you that she was temporarily stepping away from international duty you were so proud of her. You wish you could do the same but it wasn’t that easy. In order for you to focus on your mental health you would have the step away from the thing that the helps clear you head, it was a lose lose situation for you.

“Y/N you get more stick and are under more pressure than me. I saw the way acted at the olympics when you thought I wasn’t looking. You cannot burn the candle at both ends and still expect to shine bright” Christen told you.

“I know but it’s not the same for me, I don’t have a family waiting for me” You instantly regretting it.

You stand there looking at Christen as she processes what you said.

“After all this time, you still don’t see me as family” She begins to say but you cut her off before things get much worse.

“Christen that is not what I meant and you know it”

“If I’m not family then what are we doing” Christen asks you as tears fall down her face.

This is what happens whenever you guys talk about this, it always ends up in a fight.

You watch as your girlfriend storms off into the bedroom you share.

“Chris, don’t shut me out. Let’s talk about this” you say leaning against the door frame.

She doesn’t answer you so you put you ear to the door and you hear Christen sniffling. Your girlfriend was crying and it was your fault, all because you couldn’t walk away from soccer.

You had chosen football over everything, family and friends included but Christen showed you a life outside of soccer and it scared the crap out of you. She was it for you, she was what you wanted in life and now it was time to show her that.

When christen came out of the bedroom you were gone and by the time you got back she was already asleep.

The next morning started like any other, you went for run whilst Christen did her yoga then you both meditated together. It had been like this since COVID happened.

It was what happend next which shocked Christen. You was watching ESPN when it was released.

“Breaking news! Portland Thorns and USWNT captain Y/N L/N announces that she will be taking a break from club and country. I had the pleasure of speaking to Y/N personally about this last night and she told me that it was time to focus on her mental health which is completely understandable. She captained the team in the highs of winning the world cup and the lows of rio 2016” The new anchor and a close friend of yours says.

Christen hangs on every word the women says before turning to look at you.

She opens her mouth but you cut her off before she even gets the chance to speak.

“ I love you Christen Press” you tell her.

“I love you but I know what soccer means to you”

“You mean more and you are right, I need to take a step back. Soccer occupies after thought I have. How can I play better, how can I be a better leader. I don’t allow myself to be happy” You admit it out loud.

You phone goes off and you see several messages from your teammates.

Christen looks at you in shock as you turn your phone off.

“Y/N you don’t have to”

“I want to”

The both of you didn’t leave the couch until the early evening when Chris told you that she was meeting Tyler for some food.

“You sure you don’t want to come? We are going to that Thai place you like” She laughs as your head perks up at the word ‘Thai’

“I’m going to call some of the girls back” You reply

Christen is almost out the door before you run after her.

She looks at you amused. You look her in the eye before kissing her, surprised when Christen deepens the kiss.

“Bring me back some spring rolls” You ask making your girlfriend laugh.

You run over the window making sure she is gone before putting your master plan together.

A couple of hours later you hear Chris opens the door.

“Honey, I’m home and I have spring rolls” You says but you don’t answer.

Christen looks in the kitchen but its empty, she goes into the living room you’re not there.

It is only when she goes into your bedroom that she finds you.

There you stand in front of your bed which is covered in hiking gear.

You look at her and she is clearly confused by what she is seeing.

You walk over to your girlfriend reaching for her hands.

“After your mom passed you told me you wanted to leave, go somewhere were nobody knew who we were and completely disconnect from the world”

You take a deep breath remembering it well. The loss of Christen’s mother was something you both felt deeply, seeing your girlfriend in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it destroyed you.

“There is this trail in Spain, it is called the Camino De Santiago”

Christen smiles knowing what you are about to suggest.

“It takes 4 - 6 weeks. It will just be me and you”

You look her in the eye.

“What do you say, are you ready for an adventure? Ready to do some soul searching?” You ask playfully.

You watch as christen struggles to speak, she is at a loss for words.

Instead of saying anything she pulls you into her embrace as she buries her face in the crook of your neck.

“Everyday with you is an adventure” She tells you.

“Pure cheese Christen Press”

“Shut up” She says slapping your arm.

“Is that a yes?” She nods her head enthusiastically.

“Good because we leave in a week” You tell her and her smile melts your heart.

That is the thing you loved most about Christen, her smile. Not matter what caused your sadness or pain, that smile would brighten your day.

A week later your adventure began and it was better than you could have ever imagined.

Your relationship with Christen was in a great place before the trip but now you felt closer to her if that was even possible.

Ever minute of every day you were with her and it made to look forward to the future you have with her.

She talked about her mother a lot which you knew was difficult but ever since she passed Christen focused on soccer so she never talked about her, not like this.

You talked to her about your early life, memories with your parents as well as their passing. You never talked to her about it before, she knew that had died but didn’t know when or how.

This trip allowed you both to be completely open with each other and show the other one your vulnerabilities.

4 1/2 weeks later and you were almost at the end of the trail, ahead of schedule but what was to be expected from two pro athletes.

It was the last night, you and Christen wanted to watch the sunset one last time before heading back to reality.

You both sat on the blanket taking in the sights in front of you.

“Thank you Y/N” Chris begins to say “I really needed this. To be away from our hectic lives, to deal with my grief and to find myself again”

“I love you Christen, more than anything in this world. I would do anything for you because your happiness is everything to me”

You stand up.

“Before you all I knew was soccer but you showed that life has more to offer. When we met I knew your were special and I knew that I wanted to have in my life in any way I could. You are my first thought in a morning and my last one on a night. I first told you I loved you when when we won the world cup for a reason, because even though we were just crowned world champions all I could think about was you, I knew that from there on out it was you or nothing. I cannot imagine my life without you in it”

You get down on one knee and open the ring box causing Christen to gasp.

“Where did you get that?”

“I asked for your mum’s permission before she passed, the next day she gave me this and I promised her that no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than me” You explain.

“Christen Annemarie Press, will you marry me?”

“Yes Y/N L/N I will marry you”

You kiss her with every fibre of your being, the kiss growing more passionate with every passing second.

Christen Press was your future and you could wait to spend the rest of your life with her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #christen press imagine #christen press x reader #christen press one shot

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lumosinlove · 3 years

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Vaincre

It’s here!! Thank you all for the support of this universe, it truly means so very much to me. Every time I get a comment, or get to read the fan fiction you all write, see the art you create...it just fills me with so much joy. I’m so excited to share the Sweater Weather sequel with you, Vaincre! Go Lions!

cw: brief mention of past injury and past abuse

part i: July

I’ve been holding my breath

I’ve been counting to ten

The media wasn’t kind. There were network shows and blogs. Magazines and papers and podcasts. Not to mention Twitter.

Remus had heard his name on all of them, even if he wasn’t listening. It was part of Alice’s job to make sure he knew what was being said about him. It was his job to tune most of it out. Some outrage. Some elation. Some confusion.

This is my question, one podcast asked. I mean, I’m happy for Black. Lupin, too. I’m happy for the hockey world to have this happen, it’s about time, I mean, tune it, come on, and all that.

I’m confused about the, you know, ‘let’s put the PT on the roster.’ I’ve seen college clips, like, those have been released, we know that he got injured, we know all that. He’s fast, we know that, too. But a lot of guys are fast.

Just…what a move by Coach Weasley. A good move? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Remus had always loved to run. It cleared his head. It had been one of the forms of exercise he had been able to do first once his shoulder had healed, before weights or any sort of strength training. His therapists had recommended it. Endorphins, they had said.

But Remus liked it because it was the closest he had been able to get to gliding on the ice, even when he still couldn’t stand to even look at a rink.

A good move? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Remus was used to not knowing. He was beginning to think he thrived on it. Would he play hockey again? Would he ever find love? Would Sirius want him?

Was this really happening?

He didn’t think of dreams as coming so late, but, then again, why should dreams be put on any sort of time schedule?

Now, he banged out the screen door and onto the rickety, well-loved porch of the lake house that had been passed down through his family for years. His mother and her brothers split it up in the summer, overlapping for a week or so, and there were always little gifts left behind for each family at the trade-off. A bottle of the best maple syrup, or some of the local honey. They were small, but Remus smiled when he saw what his uncle and aunt and cousins had left for him and Sirius after his parents and Julian had given them the month of July with the house to themselves. A little flower arrangement with two hockey sticks, carved out of wood, sticking up in the middle.

Sirius had plucked one from the dirt, twirled it over in his fingers, and smiled.

“Your family will never stop surprising me.”

Green Lake was deep, prime for fishing, and gorgeous. The smell of the water, of the soil and sweet summer air was as good as home to Remus. He breathed it in now as he bent to lace up his sneakers. He could smell the fire pit that they had lit last night, one that he and Julian had roasted thousands of marshmallows over.

“I showed Jules how to roast the perfect marshmallow here,” Remus had said that first July night, leaning back against Sirius’ chest.

Sirius had blew out his burnt-black one. “Like this?”

Remus had scoffed. “No, you heathen.”

Sirius looked good here, surrounded by the woods and rusty cabin, wearing the old fleeces that never seemed to leave this place for when the sun had yet to warm the chilly mornings. Some mornings, they’d make their coffee, tangle their socked feet together on the small couch until the sun began to get high and they’d strip it all off in favor of swimsuits and sunscreen. Other mornings, Remus would rise, pressing a gentle kiss to Sirius’ sleeping face, and take to the dirt road that ran around the lake.

Sirius, just off of the hard won playoffs, needed to rest. Remus needed to train.

A good move? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

They would leave in two days for Pascal’s Cup Day celebration, and then to meet Remus’ parents, his little brother Julian, and Regulus back in Gryffindor for Sirius’ Cup Day. And August training. Remus stretched his hands to his toes and closed his eyes. A strange type of adrenaline filled him whenever he thought about practicing with the team, about the fitness tests that would come first. He’d have to prove himself again and again. He wanted to. But part of him wondered what would happen if he couldn’t.

The screen door squeaked open and shut again, and Remus jumped, looking up to find Sirius, still sleep rumpled, standing there in running shorts.

Remus laughed, reaching up to trace a pillow crease in his cheek. “You’re supposed to be sleeping in while you can.”

Sirius let out a grumbly sort of yawn and gathered his hair, long from the summer and just brushing his chin now, back into a small half-up bun.

“I can’t believe you do this before coffee.”

“Too acidic. Gives you running stitches.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius sighed, and threw his arm around Remus’ shoulders as they walked up the steep driveway to the road.

Remus kissed his wrist. “I’ll miss being here with you.”

Sirius smiled. He was tan from the summer, hair dark as ever and his skin sun-kissed.

Remus leaned into his shoulder. “I mean look at you. I like seeing you this relaxed.”

Sirius bit his lip as the rounded a bend, waving at Mrs. Barrow, who was tending to her garden.

“I don’t think I knew I could be this relaxed,” Sirius admitted. “It was always train, train, train, you didn’t get a Cup, try harder.”

Remus was familiar with the notes that appeared in Sirius’ voice now from years of Sirius’ small slips in conversation, even when, to Remus, Sirius had only been they youngest captain in the league, cold and reserved from even more years of his father’s abusive, relentless attitude towards hockey and Sirius’ skills. Even when Remus had only been the team’s physical therapist, closeted, crushing on Sirius, and surprised by the cracks Sirius showed when he had gotten his ankle smashed by Severus Snape, Captain of the Slytherin Snakes—the Gryffindor Lions greatest rivalry. Pain, it had seemed, and fear of never stepping on the ice again, had given Remus his first glimpses into a different Sirius beneath it all, a boy who was filled with much more than just a need to win, but for whom the want of winning only made him love his sport, and his team, more.

“And now that you have a Cup?” Remus asked. “How’re you feeling?”

They came to the road and Sirius balanced on one foot, stretching his thigh. “Now that I have you,” he said. “I’m feeling just fine.”

Remus snorted. “Yeah, the Stanley Cup Champion part has nothing to do with it.”

Sirius laughed, but took Remus’ face between his palms. “If I didn’t have you, and I had only a Cup, all I would be doing right now is thinking about another Cup.”

Remus put a hand on his chest, fingers finding the number twelve pendant that rested there.

“Now, there’s more,” Sirius said simply, and leaned down for a tender kiss. “Like your mother’s peach pie.”

Remus punched him in the arm as Sirius laughed loudly.

“You’ll have to beat me if you want a slice of that!” Remus called as he took off.

Sirius made a wounded noise, but sprinted after him until they were side by side again.

“I don’t think I can leave this beach,” Leo mumbled into the lounging cabana they were spread out beneath, and Logan looked down at him from where he was reading—trying to read—one of the books Finn had given him. He didn’t know how many books Finn had tried to get him to read over the years, but he knew he never made it through more than a few pages without looking up, getting distracted, or having to go back.

“Non?” Logan asked.

Leo shook his head. “The sun. The sea. I’m in heaven.”

“What about hockey?”

“Brr.”

Logan laughed and settled back into the pillows, setting the book aside and rolling towards Leo to feel his sun-warmed back and leaned down to kiss his temple. A private beach definitely had its perks—and so did three hockey salaries.

“We’ll just stay here, then.”

They’d had a good summer. Leo’s Cup Day, Finn’s, his own, all in their hometowns and accompanied by large parades and fanfare. Logan had finally gotten to take Leo home to his sisters and parents for the first time. It had been nice to see Finn around his family again, too, after what felt like eons of avoiding him in that small gap between being at Harvard and then them both making it to the NHL, and to the Lions.

Leo’s sleepy smile up at him melted Logan like ice in the sun.

“Okay, good,” Leo said, then his eyes went behind Logan. “There’s the ghost-on-toast with our drinks.”

Logan snorted and looked up to see Finn—and Finn’s tiny blue swim shorts that he insisted weren’t see-through—walking towards them through the sand from the resort bar with a tray of drinks in his hands.

“Hey, lover-nuts,” Finn said as he set the tray down in the shade. “Got us some snacks, too. That bar tender loves me.”

“You are so pale,” Leo laughed. “I love you, though, please put more sunscreen on.”

“Keep your sandy feet off my towel,” Logan nudged Finn’s foot with his own as he reached for his drink. Finn just smiled and nodded at the book.

“How is it?” Finn asked.

Logan just looked at him.

He laughed and ran a hand through Logan’s salty, damp hair. “I know. I’ll read it to you later. I just thought you might want something for the beach!”

Logan held up his cocktail. “I have something for the beach.”

They settled back under their cabana, the thin, white linen curtains fluttering around them in the three o’clock breeze. Maybe Logan, as he closed his eyes between Leo and Finn, Leo’s hand still on his thigh, Finn’s arm pillowing the back of his neck, never wanted to leave this beach, either.

“Back to Gryffindor tomorrow,” Logan said.

“Group chat says most guys’ll be back this week,” Finn said, squinting at his phone over his sunglasses. “We gotta be back for Dumo’s, and then Cap’s Cup Day. That’ll be nice, man.”

“I like that they’re bringing it to Gryffindor Pride,” Leo said, rolling onto his back. “Should have thought of that. Or, I guess…” Leo trailed off and Logan frowned. They couldn’t do that. Not yet, at least. Leo caught Logan’s expression and rested a reassuring hand on his thigh. “I’m glad we get to go, even if its for them on the surface. That’s real thoughtful of them, you know?”

Logan nodded. It was thoughtful. When Remus and Sirius had brought it up to them, he’d found himself getting a little choked up.

“We want you guys to be able to experience that, too,” Remus had said. “If you want. No matter what you decide to do public-wise in the future.”

Finn clicked his phone off and chucked it to the side. “Hey, don’t take me off island time yet. We’ll order to the room, eat on the deck, hike up and stargaze…”

Finn rattled off the perfect list, tilting towards Logan until their lips met.

“And then we’ll go win another Cup.”

Leo and Logan punched him at the same time.

Thomas sat in the shade with Kasey as they watched Alex try to take on Natalie and Noelle at pool basketball.

“I really think they’re going to accidentally drown him,” Thomas said thoughtfully.

“He probably thinks that, too, and is just too competitive to stop,” Kasey replied.

Thomas laughed, and held out his beer to cheers.

“This is a nice house the O’Haras have, man,” he looked at the sparkling ocean beyond the steps and fence, and at the pool with the grill and lounge chairs. They’d only come up for the weekend, between training and visiting their own families, and before returning to Gryffindor for the season.

“Tell me about it.”

“Cheating!” Alex spluttered from the pool as Natalie put all of her weight on him to dunk him under the water. Alex pointed very seriously to the foot marker on the side tile. “We agreed from that to Thomas’ chair, I was too far away!”

“Too bad!” Noelle shouted as she made another basket.

Thomas didn’t think it was the alcohol that made him feel a little fuzzy at the edges as he looked over her in her swimsuit. She was all curves of tanned muscle, softened the summer around her stomach and arms. Thomas was a goner. But she seemed pretty gone, too, so he guessed it was all right.

“This moment’s always rough,” Kasey said softly from beside him, and when Thomas looked at him questioningly, he gestured vaguely with his beer. “The end of July. One more month, but not really. Alex’ll go back for training, you know? It’s like a trick. I always think, I get three months with these two. But it’s more like two and the first week of August.”

Thomas nodded. “I know. Noelle, too. Her training camp starts on the eight. I’m just…”

Kasey sighed in sympathy.

“At least you have Nat, you know?” Thomas said. “Not that I’m saying you have it easier, I just…”

Kasey shook his head. “I know. Believe me, I’m thankful for that every day. But…when you miss someone, you miss someone.”

Thomas nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, exactly.”

Last season hadn’t been too bad. His relationship with Noelle had been new. They only really knew FaceTime dates, and squeezed in weekend flights that sometimes left them more exhausted than sated. They had been taking it slow. Thomas had been kissed by Noelle—a lot. Enough to make him dizzy with it. Only, then she’d met him at the airport in Quebec, they’d spent a month with her family in France…

And Thomas wasn’t sure he knew how to do just FaceTime anymore. There was a new yearning, knotted just below his heart. He knew what her skin felt like under his hands now, knew what she looked like right when she waked up, even her skincare routine before bed. It would feel like being away from the ice for too long, the knot pulling tight. He thought this year was going to be harder. Maybe he knew it, but if he did, he was pretending it might be easy still.

“T,” Noelle called, floating on her back, dark hair fanned out in the water. “C’mere!”

Thomas smiled, setting his drink down. He would come, whenever she called. Wherever.

Cole Reyes didn’t know if Adele Dumais staring at him the way she was was a good thing, or a bad thing. He was nervous enough without the seemingly disapproval of Pascal Dumais'—the Pascal Dumais of the Gryffindor Lions, oldest player in the league—teenage daughter.

“Don’t you talk?” Marc, one of his sons, asked.

Cole blinked. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah.”

Adele waved her brother off. “They’re always super nervous at first. Remember Sirius?”

Marc scoffed. “I was a baby.”

Cole let out a breath. Now they were casually talking about Sirius Black, who had lived in the very room Cole had been sleeping in for a week now when he was a rookie, too. It was the same with Logan Tremblay. He felt like he needed to keep the room pristine, like he was living in some Hockey Hall of Fame museum that he had not earned the right to be in yet.

“You’re still a baby,” Adele shot back.

“Kids,” came Celeste, Pascal’s wife’s voice from where she was setting the table. “Come on now.”

“Sorry, maman,” Marc said softly.

“Sorry,” Adele sighed more reluctantly.

“Go help your father with the grill, you two,” she said. “Everyone will be arriving soon.”

Katie, Celeste and Pascal’s youngest daughter, perked up from where she was sitting beside Cole, drawing. Not Pascal, Dumo—Cole kept having to remind himself that he could call Pascal by his nickname now, that it was all official, that he was a Gryffindor Lion, too. Katie hadn’t left his side since he arrived a week ago to billet with the Dumais, and he still wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Even the Cup?” she asked.

Celeste laughed. “Oui, ma cherie. Cole? Would you mind going to get the flowers for the table? They’re on the kitchen counter, just inside.”

“Oh, sure, Mrs. Dumais,” Cole nodded, glad for something to do. The thought of the Cup arriving gave him the chills. He’d have to be careful not to touch it. He was scared to even look at it, to be honest. His mom would be laughing at him right about now. He wanted to call her afterwards, tell her everything.

“Call me Celeste, I told you, please,” Celeste smiled. She was lovely, with her dark hair twisted and clipped up and a summer dress as green as her eyes, silky against her olive skin.

Cole flushed, but smiled. “Celeste.”

Cole made his way through the sliding door from the back yard and through the dining room. The kitchen was one of the biggest rooms in the house—and it was a big house. Beautiful copper pans hung shining above the island, along with some herbs that Celeste grew and dried herself. It looked like something out of a magazine to Cole, and it was nice, but it wouldn’t beat his mom’s kitchen in the small apartment they shared in Boston. The small space would fill up to the brim with the smell of spices, or cobbler. The thought sent a pang right to his heart. He missed home, that was for sure. After being away for so long, for so many hockey camps, he’d hoped he would be more used to it by now.

The flowers were right where Celeste had said they would be, and he was reaching for one when the back door that led to the garage dinged open. Cole froze, sure that he was about to run into captain Sirius Black completely unprepared, when a girl stepped through instead. She was dressed in denim shorts and a white tank top, had dark brown skin, and a Gryffindor College hat over her hair, which was plaited back into many small braids.

She smiled when she saw him. No sign of surprised, or of the nervousness Cole felt when he met basically anyone.

“You must be Cole,” she said.

Cole nodded. The girl was gorgeous. Cole was a mess of nerves already. He didn’t need the stare of the teenage daughter of one of his idols, but he especially could not handle a beautiful girl right now.

“Yeah,” Cole said. “No, yeah, um. Yes.”

The girl strode forward, setting her bag down on the counter, along with a water bottle decorated in stickers. He caught a few Lions ones. She offered her hand, which was slender and had two golden rings on it. “I’m Layla. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Cole took it, trying to place her. “Nice to meet you.”

“Oh, I babysit for the Dumais family,” she said in explanation, then waved her hand. “Well, this year, at least. I’m actually—we’re going to be working together.”

Cole blinked. “You mean the Lions?”

She nodded. “I’m in the middle of my undergrad for physical therapy. Dumo’s amazing and he got me an internship under the new PT. You know. I’ll probably get you stick tape or something,” she laughed. “Congrats, by the way.”

Cole tilted his head and she raised an eyebrow.

“On making it to the NHL?”

“Oh,” Cole laughed. “Oh, I, yeah, thanks. You, too—or…yeah.”

Cole was going to stay in his room in the basement and never come out.

“I gotta—Mrs. Du—Celeste wants these flowers outside,” he said, picking the vases up.

“Sure thing,” Layla smiled.

“Layla,” came a shriek, and a moment later Katie Dumais came sprinting into the kitchen and wrapped herself around Layla’s legs and smiled at Cole. “This is my new hockey player.”

Cole couldn’t help but laugh. He didn’t have a lot of experience with kids, but Katie sure was cute.

“Yours?” Layla gasped as she smiled at Cole. “He’s all yours, is he?”

Katie nodded. “Like Tremzy and Sirius. His name is Cole, like when Santa Clause doesn’t like you.”

Again, with the casual mentions of Logan Tremblay and Sirius Black.

“Oh, of course,” Layla laughed. “Well, I’m sure Santa Clause has never not liked you, babes. Let’s go let your mom know I’m here, okay? Your new hockey player can come with us, too.”

“He’s yours, too!” Katie insisted. “You’re here all the time, so he’s yours, too, don’t worry.”

“Oh, good,” Layla said. “I was worried.”

When Katie looked at Cole expectedly, Cole managed, “I guess everyone does need a hockey player?”

“Exactly!” Katie squealed, and Cole could only follow them outside, heart pounding.

It was good to be back in Gryffindor. Remus and Sirius had dropped their bags in Sirius’ entryway, said hello to Regulus, showered, and then hopped right back in the car to get to Pascal’s house.

“You two look disgustingly happy,” Regulus said, leaning forward from the back seat.

“We are,” Sirius grinned at him in the review mirror. “I am also happy,” he stroked the leather steering wheel of his Range Rover. “To be back with this baby.”

While Sirius’ hair had grown longer, Regulus had shaved his short. The curls were barely curls at all anymore, but Remus was happy to see that his seemingly ever-present dark circles had receded some.

“Why, thank you, Regulus, you look happy, too,” Remus snorted. “When do you leave for NYU’s orientation?”

“August 23rd,” he said. “Been texting with my housemates, too. They seem cool.”

“Maybe one of you will pull a Finn and fall in love with each other,” Sirius said.

“Twice,” Remus laughed, and Regulus did, too.

“I think I’ve had enough romance drama to last me a life time, thanks,” Regulus smiled. “But, yeah. I’m just…I’m focused on friends right now, I think. Normal, non-hockey creatures like you two. But that’s not to say if something came up…or I guess someone. Who knows.”

Sirius’ smile was softer this time. “Focus on whatever you want, Reg. You deserve it.”

Regulus just grumbled something about hockey gods, and then they were pulling up to the Dumais’. There were silver and white balloons lining the driveway and the fence to the backyard where, as Remus slammed his door, he could already hear laughter. A zing of excitement shot through him.

“I missed this team,” he sighed as Sirius took his hand.

Sirius pressed a kiss to his temple. “Your team.”

“Our team.”

“Jesus Christ,” Regulus said, and gave them a shove forward.

Thomas gave a loud woop when he spotted them coming out to the backyard. Regulus immediately made a B-line towards Leo and the Cubs.

“Yes! The Captain!” Thomas said and pulled Sirius into a hug. “Missed you, man.”

“You, too, T,” Sirius said. “Ready to tear it up?”

“You know it.”

Remus smiled as Thomas hugged him next. “I forgot you two train together before pre-season.”

“You two?” Thomas raised an eyebrow, the small gold hoops in his ears glinting in the sun. Remus noticed he’d shaved three stripes into one side of his head. They were a little wobbly. Maybe Noelle had done it. “You’re not coming with us?”

“You know how this one is about his routines,” Remus said, wrapping an arm around Sirius’ waist. “Wouldn’t want to mess anything up.”

“Please,” Sirius said. “I want you there more than I want a second—”

Remus and Thomas punched him at the same time.

“I know you weren’t just about to say that,” said an accented voice from behind Remus, and they turned to see Pascal standing there. He looked as he always did, smile lines around his eyes, gray streaks at his temples. He wore a white t-shirt and had Katie on his hip. She was definitely getting too big to be carried around like that, but Remus couldn’t see a time when Pascal would ever refuse her. He’d probably carry Adele around like that, too, if she’d let him.

“Dumo,” Sirius smiled, and took the two beers he was holding out, handing one to Remus. He kissed Katie’s forehead. “Good summer?”

“The best,” Pascal laughed, and nodded towards the edge of the yard. “Especially with the promise of seeing that thing again.”

Remus followed his gaze, and his breath caught, just as he knew it would. The Cup stood there, its guards near by with drinks and plates of food in their hands. It sat proudly on a table, surrounded by white tulips—no doubt Celeste’s doing.

“I’m excited to see you two bring it to the parade,” Pascal said. “That will be a wonderful day for everyone.”

Remus glanced at where Logan, Leo, and Finn were standing with Kasey Winter, Gryffindor’s goalie, and his partners Natalie, with her long blonde hair, and Finn’s brother Alex, who played for Tampa Bay.

Sirius’ smile lit up his face. “It will be.”

Remus peered around him. “Is that our rookie?”

Sirius scoffed. “A rookie can’t call a fellow rookie rookie, rookie.”

Remus blinked. “What did you just say?”

“That’s Cole!” Katie said. “I love him.” Then she turned and shouted his name again. He looked up from where he was standing quietly beside Jackson Nadeau, another player, and Remus suppressed a smile at the way his eyes widened when he saw Sirius.

“Oh, here we go,” Sirius mumbled.

“Oh, hush,” Remus said, and sounded far too much like his mother to himself. “You’re going to be throwing hands for him the second someone gets close, and you know it.”

“I don’t know how to tell rookies I’m just a person!” Sirius whispered as Cole began to make his way over. “They act all…”

“Star struck?” Thomas offered.

Sirius just glowered at him.

Cole Reyes did not look as young as he was. Even at 19, he was jacked, and tall, with light brown skin, green eyes, and a stripe shaved into one of his eyebrows. His hair was shaved at the sides, but longer on the top and in tight curls.

Remus glanced somewhat self-consciously down at himself. He could only put on more muscle healthily so fast. He thought he’d been doing well, but looking at Cole…

“Hello,” Cole said hesitantly and Pascal set Katie down and clapped Cole on the shoulder.

“Reyes, meet Sirius. Sirius, meet the boy who is a much better billet than you ever were.”

Sirius snorted, and Cole laughed—nervously.

“Hi, Cole,” Sirius said, and held out his hand. “I know we spoke briefly over the summer, but it’s nice to officially meet you.”

“You, too,” Cole said, smile slight. “Thanks for the call. My mom freaked out. I mean—well, me too, but my mom…” Cole stuttered out, wincing.

“Loves me?” Sirius laughed. “I get that a lot.”

“He’s so humble,” Remus shook his head jokingly. “Hi Cole, I’m Remus. Welcome to the team.”

“You too…?” Cole said hesitantly. “Well, the roster, I guess.”

“Cole,” Katie said, taking his large hand in her small one. “Come meet Tremzy. He’s my best friend.”

Sirius feigned a pout. “What about me?”

Katie smiled sheepishly, throwing herself at Sirius’ legs, “You, too!”

“Always one-uped by Tremblay,” Thomas laughed, shaking his head. “How’s it feel, Cap?”

“Wonderful,” Sirius said dryly and then looked down at Katie, petting her head. “Go on, go show Cole your best friend.”

They watched her lead Cole through the crowd for a moment before Sirius huffed.

“See?” Sirius whispered to Remus. “It’s like he’s scared of me.”

“I’ve never heard you use the phrase spoke briefly in my life. Who are you, Alice?”

“I was trying to be professional!”

Remus laughed. “Why?”

Sirius just rolled his eyes and dragged him over to stack their plates with food.

The party went well into the evening, the sky pink and blue in the setting sun. There were lanterns floating in the pool where Evgeni and Jackson were playing chicken with a delighted Marc and Louis, or sometimes one of Coach Arthur Weasley’s boys, on their shoulders. Logan was sitting with Cole and Finn, cradling a sleepy Katie against his chest, Leo and Regulus laughing with Kasey and Alex.

Remus found Sirius again standing alone in front of the Cup. His hair was falling into his face, the curls gentled by the evening breeze and the Cup’s silver surface reflecting the silver of Sirius’ eyes. Remus went to stand beside him, and neither of them spoke for a moment.

“I’m nervous,” Remus broke the silence.

Sirius nodded. “I know, mon loup.”

Remus sighed, resting his head against Sirius’ arm. “Yeah?”

“Of course,” Sirius switched his drink to his other hand so he could run his fingers through Remus’ hair. “This is…big.”

“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” Remus whispered. It felt dangerous, to say the words aloud. “It’s everything that I lost. Last time.”

Remus could still feel Fenrir Greyback rip at his shoulder, even if it was years ago now, while they were still at college. Being in the NHL meant that Remus would have to play against him again whenever they met Vegas.

Sirius turned towards him, hand on his cheek.

“You will have this,” he said earnestly, and then smile, reaching into his shirt for his necklace, the one Remus had gifted him last Christmas. He brought it to his lips. “Loops.”

Remus smiled at the now familiar sight, touching the pendant when Sirius’ let it drop.

“You know,” Remus said. “You’re everything I’ve always wanted, too.”

Sirius’ smile was one of Remus’ favorites, and he tucked him against his side. Remus followed his gaze to find him looking at Cole again.

“I’m not happy with the way it happened,” Sirius said softly, and Remus knew he was thinking of the pictures that someone had leaked of them kissing. The pictures that had upturned their entire lives. “But I’m glad I get to hold you like this in front of new faces. I wasn’t thinking about trades—I try not to—but getting Reyes, if things had been different, would have meant we were back to square one at parties like these.”

Remus nodded, taking a drink. “And he seemed okay with it. With us.”

“I was thinking we should invite him to train with us. With me, you, and T. Maybe Dumo would join, too. I know he usually goes with Sergei, but Sergei might be with Kuns and Nado, even though they usually like it just them. The Cubs—”

“Okay, Captain, okay,” Remus laughed.

Sirius pressed a hand over his eyes, laughing. “I just don’t like it when they’re nervous around me. Like Leo was. It’s so much better now that we’re friends.”

“You’ll get there with him,” Remus said. “Yeah, invite him to train with us. The more the merrier.”

Secretly, Remus wanted to see how Cole trained. He couldn’t shake the analytical side of him, the physical therapist side. Cole was built for such a young age.

“If I didn’t know better,” Sirius said softly, mouth close to Remus’ ear. “I’d say you were checking him out.”

Remus spluttered. “I’m not! I want to know his routine!”

Sirius cracked up. “This is your superstition, isn’t it? Cracking other player’s codes.”

Remus just shrugged, smiling into his cup.

“Have you cracked my code?” Sirius asked in the low voice he used that made Remus not want to be surrounded by people.

Remus looked up at him. “Maybe. It certainly has nothing to do with a piece of toast at five o’clock.”

“My pre-game toast is very important to me.”

Remus leaned up to press a quick kiss to his lips. “No, you just like honey and cinnamon.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’m going to talk to Reyes now.”

“Catch him if he passes out.”

Sirius just glowered over his shoulder as he stalked across the grass. Remus looked around at the back yard, at the team, together again. His team.

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fruitcoops · 3 years

Note

Hi Eve! Could you maybe write something like Sirius having a majorly stressful week and he's been on edge all day and he finally decides to go talk to Heather if only to just let it all out. By the time he comes home he's exhausted but Remus is all ready for him, and he's greeted with the sight of Remus in a nice little heap of blankets and pillows piled up on their sofa with a Disney movie ready to play and all his favourite snacks lined up on the coffee table. And Sirius of course just about dissolves into a puddle of affection and gratitude because Loops 🥰🥰🥰

It's honestly concerning how much fluff I write. Oh, well! This is such a cute idea and I'll never pass up an opportunity to write soft Coops <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“So, you’ve started baking?” Heather looked up as Sirius nodded, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. It still smelled a little like Remus from the last time he stole it, but not nearly enough to drown him in comfort. “That’s awesome. If you don’t mind, can I ask why you chose that as a hobby?”

“It’s—” Stupid. He bit the words back at the last second; Heather never liked self-deprecation, and they had been working on positive self-talk for…as long as Sirius could remember, really. “Uh, I helped Re’s mom make a pie over the holidays and I just have good memories associated with it, I guess.”

Heather jotted something down, her soft smile never faltering. She was wearing a sweater the same color as her name—it was distilled comfort, and Sirius felt some of the tension release from his back. “You said you do it when you’re stressed, right?”

“Sometimes.”

“Does the rhythm help, or is it something else?”

He stared at his hands, rubbing his thumb over the callus from his favorite spatula that was beginning to form. “I think…” he trailed off and bit his lower lip. Honesty always wins. Why do you like it so much? “The rhythm helps quiet my head down, yeah. And it smells like home. And—and if I do it right, I can’t screw it up.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“If I follow the recipe, it works. Every time. I can read the instructions as many times as I need to, and I can focus on that until everything up here—” He gestured vaguely toward his head. “—shuts up for a bit.”

Heather nodded; the room was quiet for a moment while she wrote before she settled into her chair and let out a slow breath. “I’m really happy you started doing this, Sirius.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. We’ve talked about finding healthy amounts of control and tethers in your daily life, and from what you’ve said, this makes you happy in addition to helping you calm down. What do you do with everything you make?”

He shrugged. “Give it away, mostly. It’s healthier than store-bought stuff, and the guys like it. Re and I can’t eat it all ourselves.”

“How often do you stress bake?”

“Oh, probably three or four times a week.”

Shit, shit, shit. Heather’s eyebrows crept upward. “Oh?”

“…yes.” Can’t take it back now.

“Okay.” She made a quick mark on her clipboard—for the hundredth time, Sirius wished he could snatch it and run. “Interesting. Why are you so stressed?”

“It’s not like that all the time,” he said quickly. “Just over the past couple weeks.”

“What’s been going on?”

“Everything?” he said. It sounded more like a question. Heather made another note. “It’s—well, Jules got the flu two months ago and Re wasn’t sleeping because he was worried, so I got nervous and started staying up later so I’d be tired, but then I got bored and worried about both of them so I texted Hope about her pie recipe—"

“Sirius,” Heather interrupted gently. He closed his mouth and tucked his hands into his sleeves, palms itching. “Deep breaths, then tell me what’s been going on these past couple weeks specifically that was stressing you out.”

He obliged, counting ten before speaking again as his brain stopped feeling like someone poured pop rocks into it. “Right. So, this whole habit thing started two months ago, and we’re getting closer to you-know-what—”

“The playoffs?”

He made a quiet noise of distress and tapped the wood of the chair. “Oui, that. There’s a lot of pressure from last year, and when my friends are stressed, I get stressed, and baking is easy and fun so I just…didn’t stop. A lot of things are happening right now, and this feels like the only one I can control.”

“There you go,” she said with a proud smile. “Thank you.”

“What did I do?”

“You’re being more open and honest with yourself. It’s good to see.” She crossed one leg over the other and leaned slightly forward. “You’re a really, really good captain, Sirius. You are so in-tune with the other people in your life, but you’ve got to remember to step back and do things for yourself sometimes. Right now, baking is your stress relief because you can’t control your friends’ lives or emotional states. Try to find more things like that.”

He stared at her for a moment. “Are you diagnosing me with ‘needs a hobby’?”

“In a sense, yes. You have done an incredible job over the past few months of letting your world revolve around things other than hockey. Branching out to baking was an excellent choice. Now it’s time to find other things that give you similar comfort, okay?”

“Alright.”

“Fantastic. Let’s brainstorm.”

--------------------------------

Sirius dropped his bag next to the shoe rack and immediately leaned back against the door, closing his eyes with a sigh. Therapy was always exhausting, but usually in a good way. Already, he could feel the weight of the last three weeks lifting off his shoulders. “I’m home!” he called.

Remus materialized from the living room and padded over in his fuzzy socks, planting a kiss on each of Sirius’ cheeks. “You look tired. Good or bad?”

“Good,” he assured him. “We worked on finding a hobby.”

“Oh?”

“Apparently, baking every other day isn’t a great long-term coping mechanism.”

Remus kissed him lightly on the lips. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that.”

Sirius pulled back with a frown. “I thought you liked my baking.”

“I do. I also worry about how much space we have in our kitchen, and how much you sleep.” He gave Sirius a squeeze around the waist and patted his hip. “Now c’mere, I have a surprise.”

“What kind of surprise?” Sirius asked warily as he allowed himself to be pulled toward the living room. “Do we have company?”

“Does Hattie count?”

The dog in question barked when they entered the room, though she was buried beneath a mountain of blankets and only her nose and tail stuck out. In the hour and a half Sirius had been gone, the living room had transformed into a massive fort—the couch cushions were propped up around a nest of pillows and blankets, and low amber light fell over everything from the side table lamp. It radiated coziness and warmth; he felt the last bits of his exhaustion settle into contentment. “Wow.”

Remus beamed at him. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” He cupped his face in his hands and nudged their noses together. “And I love you. So much. I’m going to go rinse off and change, but can we cuddle afterward?”

“What do you think this is for?” Remus teased. “You took my sweatshirt.”

“It’s too big for you anyway.”

“How long until I find it in my laundry pile because it doesn’t smell like me anymore?”

Sirius pretended to think for a moment, though he couldn’t keep his smile down as happiness bubbled through every vein. “Tomorrow.”

“Go take your shower,” Remus laughed, then kissed him once again. “I’ll see if I have anything else that’ll fit you.”

#sirius black #remus lupin #hattie #heather #sweater weather #coops #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #therapy #baking

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justreadingfics · 3 years

Text

Best Gift Ever - an “It’s a Deal” one-shot

Summary: It’s almost time for your first Christmas with Bucky and he really wants you to open his present for you early.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: one-shot part of a complete series’ universe, smut, 18+, masturbation, use of sex toy, dirty talk, praise kink, the characters celebrate Christmas.

A/N: I miss these two too much, so here’s our first one-shot to see what they’re up to these days… and what they’re up to is a surprise to absolutely no one who knows them, lol. You can read it as a stand-alone story, but this is part of the universe of a series of mine (It’s a Deal). I have no words that can thank @callmeluna, @addikted-2-dopamine, @gogolucky13 and @whisperlullaby enough for jumping right in to help me when I asked. You all rock.

Masterlist on my description.

Even with your still half-asleep brain, it is hard to not let the lazy smile curl your lips when you feel the light scratch of his beard brushing your neck before the softness of his mouth touches your cheek. You hum in satisfaction.

“Bucky…” you breathe, stirring as you lay on your stomach, still incapable of opening your eyes at this ungodly hour.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispers against your ear, and you can hear the smile in his voice. “I just wanted to say goodbye, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Goodbye?” You whine. The memory of the reason why he is up so early flashes in your mind. Shooting your eyes open, you turn around to meet his beautiful face above yours while he stands by the bed, uniform on, leaning over with his arms straddling you. Stretching, you curl your arms around him and pull him closer. “No goodbyes…” you mumble, kissing his neck.

Bucky sucks in a breath, looking down at your chest – still bare from the activities of no more than a few hours before. He tilts his head to peck your lips. “Have to go, sweetheart…I’ll be home before you know it, definitely before Christmas.”

“No…” Your hold on his neck tightens while you assault his lips, cheeks, and jaw with sleepy kisses. “Too long… want you here.”

“Alright, then,” he says before swiftly jumping on the bed beside you, already starting to push his boots away from one foot with the other.

“What?” You yelp, holding yourself up with your elbows, shooting him a wide eyed look.

“My baby wants me to stay, I’m staying,” he states, in all seriousness while he tosses a boot across the room. “Screw the bad guys.” He then moves towards you, spreading your legs with a knee to accommodate himself while you promptly put your arms around him, even if your stare at him is of pure astonishment. “Screw Tony Stark, Nick Fury and by all means-“ He starts kissing your neck down your chest, “-screw Captain America, I’m staying here with my love.” Nuzzling your breasts, he punctuates his resolve by capturing a nipple with his mouth.

The warm sensation makes you gasp and you almost give up on saying what you’re about to say, but you keep yourself strong. “No, baby, no…” You chuckle, pulling his face up and almost melting at the love you find plastered there, “Ugh… no, no you have to go… I was just being silly.” You twist your face in a dismissive way. “And I definitely don’t want Captain America bursting through the door again,” you add, remembering how mortified you were the time Steve and Nat caught the two of you right in the act.

“Screw that jerk,” Bucky spits, tipping his chin up before leaning down to kiss you.

You laugh but the sound turns into a moan as you meet him halfway to the kiss. “You already said that,” you speak when he once again starts the descent in exploring your body with his mouth. You squirm and giggle once he reaches that ticklish spot of yours right by your clavicle, but pull him up again, cupping his cheeks. “You go on that mission, and I’ll be here, watching Alpine and waiting for you, just like we agreed I would do. Ok?”

He pouts at you and you can’t resist to give his lips a quick peck. “And when you come back, safe and sound, world saved and all, I’ll take good care of you, huh?” You raise your hips against his while one of your hands leaves his face in favor to grab a handful of his ass.

“Sweetheart,” he groans down at you, “This is not helping your case. Like… at all.”

“Go!” You shout, giving his ass a sharp smack

“Oh, wow, ma’am.” He bites his lip. “Haven’t met this dom side of you yet, and damn… we should explore it…”

“Maybe when you get back.” You wink, before urging him to get up, “Come on, babe, you go Avenge the ass out of this world.”

“Alright, alright…” he relents after pecking your lips, and with a smile plastered on his face, he moves to sit up. “Alpine’s routine is on the fridge,” he says, sitting by the end of the bed with his back to you while he works to put his boots on again.

You chuckle from where you remain laying down and stretch your arms again. He had gone over Alpine’s routine a thousand times the previous day. You're staying at his place to watch over her while he’s away, and you have a guess you’re not the only one he’s having a hard time leaving behind.

“Ok,” he stands up and moves to you for another goodbye kiss, “Will you call me if you need anything?” He asks, his face inches from yours.

“Mhm-hmm,” you nod, laziness invading you again and turning your eyelids heavy, “Love you, come back to me soon.”

“I will,” he promises in a whisper and a kiss on your cheek, “Love you too…Oh, and by the way, I left your Christmas present on the nightstand. I sure hope you open it early.”

You register the mischief in his voice, but sleep wins you over. Snuggling into your pillow, you mumble out just an “ok” and fall into slumber again.

~~~

It’s already night time when you step into Bucky’s place again after quickly dropping by in the afternoon to check in on Alpine. Damn you if you leave her alone for a whole day… But it’s been a hectic day at work, and it doesn’t help that you hit the snooze button of your alarm one too many times this morning.

“Hey, sweet pea.” You lean down to scratch her ear when Alpine greets you by the door with a meow, brushing her head against your calves. You chuckle, remembering the first encounter with the cat—a white ball of fur and anger hissing at you.

“How was your day, huh? Did you miss dad?” You ask, her eyes closing with delight from the caress on her neck. “I know I did… come here,” you say, standing up and walking towards her food spot.

After changing her water and food, you leave her there, eating contentedly. Then you move towards the bathroom, longing for a long, hot shower to relax a bit, and then, hopefully, try to reach Bucky on the phone.

Within the first few months of finally setting your feelings for each other straight – well, after you finally set your feelings for him straight, because he was there long before you were – your relationship has been like anyone would expect, filled with overwhelming love and…

Sex…

Lots of sex.

All the time.

Everywhere.

You know it has a lot to do with the fact your relationship is still fresh and new, and it doesn’t mean that’s all you two are about. You love him and he loves you. But that’s how you two got together in the first place and how you’ve been primarily expressing the tremendous love you feel for each other. You’ve been attached to him at the hip and every other little part of his body and, boy, do you love it…

This is the first long mission he’s gone on since the two of you got together, and you know it will be especially hard to be away from him after the amazing goodbye night he gave you. Damn… you swear you can still feel it in your bones and every other part of you he’s touched.

Finishing up your shower, your muscles relaxed, you grab one of Bucky’s shirts from his closet, relishing in the way his smell envelops you when you put it on.

That’s when something on the nightstand catches your attention.

A rectangular pink box with a golden ribbon. Bucky’s gift for you.

The last words he had said to you before he left for the mission resounds in your mind…I sure hope you open it early…

You cock an eyebrow at the package and next thing you know you’re sitting on the bed, untying the ribbon.

What you find inside the unassuming white box kicks the air out of your lungs. The surprised gasp quickly gives place to a large smile, because…Bucky… of course. His Christmas present for you, the first one you’re spending together, is… a rabbit vibrator.

“Hope it keeps you happy while I’m gone. Love you. Bucky.” You read on the card you find inside the box, and your smile widens even more.

You take it out of the black tulle bag to examine your gift further. The baby blue color of it makes you smile and your eyes widen realizing it’s gotta be the girthiest rabbit you’ve ever had the pleasure to see in person… Ah, Bucky… always thinking of your satisfaction, no matter if it’s provided by him or not. He must have figured you would miss him, all of him, that’s why he was so keen on you opening the gift soon.

A thought crosses your mind and makes you bite your lower lip. Just the fact of Bucky hoping you would use the gift twists your core in a very naughty way and you wonder whether you should give it a try right now… Well, he did tell you to open it early, which means he wanted you to use it… you better not disappoint him.

You’re quick on sanitizing it like the manual told you to. You check on Alpine, spotting her taking a nap on the couch, before shutting the door to Bucky’s room and grabbing the lube on the nightstand. You take off your underwear and, wearing just Bucky’s shirt, you sit comfortably on the bed with your back against the headboard, lube and rabbit in hands.

You take in a deep breath to figure out how to get started. You sure are a bit excited already just by the thought of doing it, and you know the lube would certainly come in handy. However, considering the remarkably thick toy Bucky has chosen, you figure you should prep yourself better before starting. Grabbing your cell phone, you set the lube and the rabbit aside while you search through some porn videos.

Scrolling through some old favorites of yours, you realize it’s been a while since you’ve watched them. Not that it would be a problem with Bucky – like it would have certainly been with your ex, Eddie- but because you just didn’t have the time, always being too lost in each other to need anything else to excite you. After two or three videos, you notice / realize it’s not bringing the same effect they did before… they’re just not enough. You groan in frustration… has Bucky not only ruined any other man for you, but now also porn, too?

Well, if that’s the case, you might as well appeal to the vivid images right there in your mind. And that’s precisely what you do. Tossing the cell phone somewhere in on the bed and closing your eyes while leaning against the headboard, the little private show in your imagination begins.

The first image that flashes in your mind is his head between your legs on the very first night you two got together. The way he lapped and sucked and kissed, feasting on you like you were the most delicious meal he was ever fed. The image of him jerking himself off while eating you out that night twists the knot in your belly.

Your breathing becomes deeper and the knot twists further when you recall that night in some dark alley of the city after getting out of a rooftop bar. The thrill of the possibility of someone spotting you two while his cock was deep inside you makes you gasp again. The way he talked to you, with filthy praises… God… your hand slides down your body to between your open legs. Hot, soft and now perfectly wet… You hum in delight thinking how he would praise you for feeling so good…

With a finger you circle your clit and moan… you do feel good… with Bucky you’ve learned how to appreciate yourself in that way and damn… that’s one of the hottest things ever.

Feeling as ready as you could be, you open your eyes and retract your hand to grab the toy. You position it between your legs, and it makes you shiver when the velvet sensation of it meets your heat. You still need to lube it up, but you’re wet enough to let it slide between your folds. Your other hand flies to grab a handful of the sheets at the feeling and it stumbles against your phone in the way.

You just leave the toy there for a while, allowing the temperatures and textures to get acquainted. The heat flushes up your core and you experiment with the first of many levels of vibrations.

“Oh…” it slips from your lips and your head falls back against the headboard.

You guide the tip of the toy to your clit and push the button to the next level. And then the next…The sensation of Bucky’s tongue on that very same spot invades your senses, “Oh, yes, fuck... Bucky…” you moan loudly.

“Goddammit, baby, what are you up to?”

You scream and jump on the bed, tossing the rabbit away at the sound of your boyfriend's voice.

“Bucky?” You call, widened eyes at the door, imagining you would see him there.

“Down here, babe.”

You follow his voice to see the cheeky grin on his face through your phone’s screen, which was tossed on the mattress beside you. You must’ve accidentally video called him at some point.

“Fuck…” you say under your breath while you swiftly work on swiping away the thin coat of sweat off your forehead and attempt to fix your hair a bit before grabbing your phone. “H-hey, Bucky.”

“Hey there, sweetheart,” he says, the grin on his face lingering. He’s still in his uniform, but you notice he’s sitting on an armchair in a bedroom. He must have just arrived in their safe house. “I take it you liked my present. It hasn’t even been a full day, yet,” he adds with amusement and, to your mortification, the buzzing of the still vibrating rabbit resounds in the room.

The embarrassment burns your cheeks, and leaves you speechless, but it doesn’t last long, because you know Bucky too well. You know he’s given you this present with your enjoyment in mind, but you do spot a glint of mischievous interest in his eyes.

Oh… you love that man.

“Yeah… I did love it. You have excellent taste.” Embarrassment completely gone, you decide that if he’s going to be cheeky about it, two can play this game. You slowly lick your lips before you give the lower one a long bite. Bucky’s eyes drop immediately to them, “You did say I should open it earlier,” you add, a tad of innocence in your tone.

His chest heaves… he notices what you’re doing, “Fuck…” he breathes, eyes on your lips, “Damn me for getting in your way...” The camera of his phone is focused on his upper body, but by the position of his arm, you have an idea on where his hand lays now. You gulp down at the mental image of him rubbing himself through his pants, “Do you mind if I watch you, sweetheart?”

You absolutely love that he asks you that in that way, like he’s so eager to watch you but he would hate to be an intruder in your moment, even though all you’re thinking about in this moment is him. You smile when you hear he’s already working on opening his trousers. Definitely a perv, but your perv.

“You’re the one who gave me the gift… You’re more than welcome to join me.” You wink and move to put the cellphone on the phone holder on the nightstand. You position the camera towards you while you sit on the bed in a way that would give him a privileged view of your body.

His hooded gaze is unyieldingly on you as you place your feet on the mattress and open your legs. Widely. He sure enjoys the generous view as his eyes now drop to your exposed pussy and his jaw goes slack.

“Fucking hell, babe,” he barely whispers, his arms moving slowly on himself, “I love my shirt on you, but why don’t you take it off and let me see all of you babe? Show me those tits, will ya?” He nods towards the shirt you have on.

You promptly obey him, pulling it over your head and tossing it aside. The vision of yourself on the phone, completely exposed, makes your cheeks burn and you almost forget the cheeky performance you’ve been putting on so far. But the look he has for you … that look… the one that assures you’re the most beautiful woman in the world keeps you grounded… and hot… so fucking hot. Your fingers move on their own and find your dampened and swollen clit again. Your jaw drops at the sensation of you touching yourself.

Right there on the other side of the screen, Bucky brings his hand to his mouth, and, with his sultry eyes on yours, he draws his tongue out, licks his palm and spits on it before bringing it down again. Fuck… you’re about to come just by that image itself and the touch of your fingers on your pussy. You can’t even see his cock but you know it must look big and hard and damn beautiful in his hand. You gasp while your fingers race up against your clit and you hold yourself by twisting a fist on the sheets.

“Shhhh…. Slow down, babe…” Bucky warns in a restrained groan, “Don’t you have a gift to use?”

At that, your fingers freeze. Catching your breath, you reach for the rabbit. Knowing you’re wet enough to take that toy perfectly, you decide to tease Bucky as you put the length of it in your mouth, giving it a sultry lick before engulfing it with your lips, coating it with your saliva.

“Fuck yeah… suck it, baby, suck it good,” Bucky encourages through a tightened jaw as his arm speeds up on himself.

You twirl your tongue around the toy a few more times before bringing it down. Under his lustful gaze, you slide the rabbit between your folds, sinking it in your wetness before guiding the tip to your clit again and turning the vibration on.

“Oh, Bucky,” your voice is a whisper through the sound of the vibrator buzzing in the room.

“Does that feel good, babe?” Bucky questions and you can tell he’s slowing down his rhythm to prolong his own pleasure

“Oh, yeah… so good,” you moan.

“Then take it, sweetheart, take it good and let me see you. You’re so damn beautiful,” he coos, knowing exactly what a sucker you are for a few praises.

Your cunt clenches at his words and you guide the toy to your entrance. There’s a bit of a sting that hits your senses once you push the tip inside. Your jaw drops as you push it further. The length and girth are almost a challenge, but a delicious one that you’re willing to take.

“That’s it… so fucking sexy…”

With Bucky’s praise you let out a languid and loud moan, having the whole length of the toy deep inside you. Your other hand twists the fabric of the sheet and your head falls back.

Eager and dripping wet, you start pumping in and out, not slowly, not gently, as the knot inside you gets tighter and tighter, longing for a release. The vibrating little rabbit hits your clit every time you push in, and your vision becomes glossy and blurry, your mind lost in the pleasure you’re giving yourself under Bucky’s eyes.

“Baby that feels so good,“ you tell him, not caring about the sloppy sounds of your wetness, knowing that, if he can hear them, he’s losing his fucking mind right now.

“Shit… fuck… I’m so fucking lucky… look at that… look at you… fucking yourself so hard like that,” Bucky speaks in a raspy voice and between heavy breaths, jerking himself in a hasty pace, “God I miss that pussy so much already.”

“Fucking shitballs,” you choke, clenching around the toy. You have your eyes shut so you don’t see it, but you do hear the heavy chuckle Bucky lets out at your favorite curse.

More than willing to put on a show for him – and for your own pleasure, since you have a thing for that position - you remove the toy from you just quick enough to turn on all fours.

“Oh shit…baby, you’re killing me here with that sexy ass of yours,” Bucky’s voice is a raspy sound from behind you, “You love that, don’t you? You love when I take you from behind, my cock deep in that sweet pussy... fuck.”

You look over your shoulder to spot his arm moving frantically, hypnotized by the vision of you. Hooded eyes focus on your ass as you pump the toy in and out of your pussy from behind. You glance at your own image, too and fuck, yeah, you do look exposed and sexy as hell.

Your eyes shut and your cheek meets the mattress. You quicken your pace, letting yourself be guided by the increasing spark in your core. … you’re there. You’re almost there.

“Ride it… ride it good baby,” he groans through heavy breathing.

“Fuck… I’m gonna cum.” You pant and, for a moment, you forget all about putting on a show for Bucky. Your mind and body focus solely on fucking yourself, on the toy in your cunt… the thickness of it…the slide through your wetness… the sweet vibrations on your clit…

Your legs start shaking and you let out a loud moan when the tightening pleasure in your core breaks into a powerful orgasm. Your body moves in waves with the sparks of sheer pleasure washing over every little part of you, making your mind nothing but a fog.

With a relieved cry, you let yourself fall flat on the mattress, but still hold the toy inside you, allowing the vibrations on your clit until it’s too much. You yelp as you pull it out and toss it aside. Still trying to catch your breath and your senses, you turn on your side and reach over to grab the phone from the holder and bring it close to your face as you support your head on your straightened arm.

You could come all over again just by the image of Bucky there, face red and sweating, jaw clenched, and arm moving frantically on himself.

“Goddammit, goddammit,” he growls.

In your blissful state, you smirk. You know him too well to know he’s holding himself back, which means the sensation is just too good for him to easily let go, “Let me see…” you whisper before biting your lip.

Bucky promptly moves the camera down to his cock. Big and hard and pulsing in his flesh hand. You draw blood out of your lips at the sight, and can’t help but to press your thighs together to scratch the itch growing back between your legs.

The tingle in your pussy only sprouts once Bucky moans out his finish. and You watch the big spurts of come spilling down his hand and clothed belly, making a mess of his uniform. Pressing your thighs tighter, another orgasm hits you and takes your breath away all over again, prompted by the filthy vision of him and the eager still lodged between your legs. A small, yet greatly satisfying orgasm as you watch your boyfriend come all over himself through the phone screen.

“Shit… that was something… Best gift ever…” Bucky declares when you two manage to breathe properly and his camera is now back to his grinning face.

Your head falls back as you laugh. “I’m glad you liked it, but I thought the present was for me?” You cock an eyebrow at him.

“It is, but I know you’re generous enough to include me sometimes. Aren’t you, beautiful?” He winks that mischievous wink of his.

“I’m sure we can figure something out,” you answer, the smile never leaving your face or his, before turning to lay on your back, holding the phone up as you rest your head on his pillow, “So, how was your day?”.

Bucky shrugs, “Same old same old, bad guys being assholes, Avengers being awesome… and my hot as fuck girlfriend at the end of the day to make it all worth it.”

The fondness in his voice and face, a complete contrast to him calling you “hot as fuck”, makes your heart jump funny and you can’t help but giggle. It turns out Bucky is, not just a real Sex God, but also the sappiest and sweetest man on earth. A combination that makes him almost irresistible… damn… who are you kidding? There’s is no “almost”. He’s thoroughly and deliciously irresistible.

“How’s Alpine?” He then asks, laying back on the chair and placing an arm comfortably behind his head.

“She’s great. I think she didn’t even notice you’re gone.”

Hurt falls upon his face as he aims a kicked puppy look at you.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” you’re quick to add with a chuckle, “The cat is miserable”, you lie. Now that Alpine has warmed up to you, she’s very comfortable and happy in your presence, even in Bucky’s absence. So when you see the pout on his face, you decide it’s enough for you to not break that man’s heart, which is as soft as cotton, you’ve come to learn. “Come back to her soon, will ya?” As relief shows on his face, you plead, not talking solely about Alpine anymore. It’s been a day and you already miss him like crazy.

“I will,” he answers with a smile and a meaningful look, before the mischief is back again, “So tell me, how did you prep yourself to try out my present? Just by thinking of me?” The cockiness is obvious in his voice.

“Yeah, actually…” You see no point in hiding that from him, “But don’t get too cocky…” You point a warning finger, “I couldn’t find any good porn.”

Bucky’s laugh lights up the room even miles away and through a tiny screen. “Well, well, that’s too bad,” he says, nonchalantly, “Maybe we should make our own for next time, then.” He bites his lip and wiggles his eyebrows.

You register the wicked promise in his words and smile, as cheekily as he does.

You’re so here for that.

~~~

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes one-shot #bucky x reader #it's a deal #it's a deal one-shot

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

Text

to know your enemy

Hange glanced at him briefly – Levi stood with his hands behind his back, his head raised up high. Their eyes met – just for a second – but it was enough to calm her nerves.

Captain Levi was not an ally, most certainly not her friend, but amidst all foes, he was the only thing that gave her comfort.

A citizen and a loyal soldier of a country that wanted her dead, Captain Levi was the sole source of light in her life during these dark times.

Or, a Marleyan!Levi au

The cell they’ve put her in was cold. The wall she was chained up to was damp. A pool of something sticky and putrid beneath her legs was making her nauseous. It had a characteristic metallic smell that after years of being a soldier Hange knew all too well. She hoped, at least, that the blood wasn’t hers.

A single torch, hanging on the wall outside, behind the metal bars, was the only thing illuminating the cell. It was dark inside, but not dark enough for Hange not to distinguish a figure, looming over her.

She recognized him right away.

“Commander Hange,” Floch curled his lips in a cruel, bloodthirsty smile. “It’s so good to see you here.”

“Ah, the pleasure is all mine!” Hange replied, looking so cheerful and relaxed, as though she was sitting behind the desk in her office back at home, not chained and locked up in the darkest, deepest cell of Marleyan prison. “You know, I always wanted to visit the country I’ve been fighting against for so long. And you provided me with a perfect opportunity to take a much needed vacation!”

“My god,” the smile slipped from his lips. Floch’s expression changed to that of a complete distain. “You really are insufferable. It isn’t a surprise that Eldians are losing in this war, if you’re their Commander.”

“My soldiers don’t really complain. Much,” she grinned, showing her bloody teeth. Despite her high status back in Paradise, her Marleyan captors weren’t gentle or cautious with her. She gave them all the reason for that kind of treatment. “But I guess you know it already. Not that long ago, you were one of my soldiers too."

Floch seethed. "And as a Commander, you’ve disappointed me."

"Aw, you poor thing," Hange cooed, angering Floch even further. “I’ve disappointed you? That’s why you’ve decided to betray your country and your comrades? That’s why, while fleeing, you’ve killed several of my men?”

“I did not betray you, I merely switched sides. Unlike you, I prefer to stick to the winning team.”

“Or you’re just a scumbag with no sense of loyalty.”

“Shut up!” Floch surged forward, grabbing Hange by the collar. “You, Commander, who is dooming your own people with reckless decisions, what do you know about loyalty?”

“Apparently she knows more than you do,” spoke a cold, indifferent voice.

It had an immediate effect on Floch. His face palled and his lower lip began to tremble. He bit it to hide his unease from Hange’s sharp eyes.

He didn’t release his hold on her collar, though, and continued to glare stubbornly at her.

“Floch,” the man stepped out of shadows. Hange swallowed as she watched him. He was short, but his face was menacing enough to more than make up for it. “Are you that slow? Do I really need to spell it out? Let Eldian Commander go.”

“But—”

“No buts,” the man growled. He grabbed the back of Floch’s shirt, yanking him back hard. “You weren’t even supposed to be here, so get the fuck out.”

It was obvious – Floch wanted to argue, but one look from his superior officer and he surrendered, taking a step back from Hange and letting her go. He gave her one last look, filled with hatred, and then left.

Like a dog with its tail between its legs, Hange thought with no small amount of amusement.

After Floch’s departure, she was left alone with the unexpected savior. Hange stared at him, warily, waiting for his next move.

He stepped closer to her, and her eyes widened in surprise, when he raised his hand to unlock her shackles.

“Um,” Hange scrunched her face in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“You aren’t supposed to be here either,” the man explained with a roll of his eyes. “It was another one of Floch’s stupid stunts. This level of dungeon is made to hold rapists and murderers.”

A sparkle of curiosity ignited in the deepness of her honey brown eyes. Hange tilted her head, staring at the man beside her. “I’m sure most of your people would argue that I’m both.”

“I’m not most,” he scoffed. “And your crimes are not bigger than any of our soldiers.”

“Huh,” the last of her shackles fell down and Hange absentmindedly rubbed her freed wrists. “And here I thought that all Marleyans are pricks with a superiority complex. You proved me wrong,” she paused, not able to fight off a smile. “Captain Levi Ackerman.”

“So my reputation precedes me,” he sighed with a disgruntled expression. “Follow me,” he added, leading her out of the cell and down the dark, empty hallway. “And here,” he thrusted something in her hands. With a sense of bewilderment, Hange realized it was a handkerchief. “Wipe the blood off your face.”

“Oh,” Hange awkwardly chuckled. She could have used her own sleeve, but… it was kinda nice of him to offer. “Thanks. And about your reputation, yeah, you’re quite famous back at the island,” she easily fell into step with him. “Although, I admit it was hard to recognize you with all these scars.”

“That’s a courtesy of your soldiers and your deadly inventions, Commander.”

“You’re off from active duty, I take it? My men have a chance at winning this war then.”

“Had to step down from my position,” Captain said grimly. “My mother worried too much.”

“And they say Marleyans aren’t funny,” Hange opened her mouth, the cheerful laughter ready to bubble out of her throat, but then she stopped, gawking at the Captain. “Wait…” she asked cautiously. “You aren’t joking?”

“Marleyans aren’t funny,” he retorted in dead-pan voice.

This time, Hange did laugh.

“Here,” Captain led her into another cell. This one - sufficiently illuminated and with more than enough space to contain not only essentials, but a desk, a chair and even a bookshelf – was drastically different from the last.

“Wow,” Hange whistled. “This cell is almost as good as my office. Are Marleyans that welcoming to all of their prisoners?”

“Doubt you’d be feeling much at home here,” Captain Levi huffed. “Zeke is very eager to chat with you.”

“The infamous Zeke Yeager wants to talk with me? I’m impressed.”

"Just wait until he starts bragging about his royal heritage and other shit. You won't be that impressed after that."

"Well," with a grin, Hange plopped down on a bed that stood in the corner of the cell. Something was very, very wrong with her, but the company of Captain Levi was... actually enjoyable. "Will you be there to witness it?"

"A chance to see Zeke embarrass himself in front of an enemy war chief?" something that almost resembled a smile appeared on Captain's indifferent face. "Wouldn't miss it for the world, four-eyes."

***

“I’ve heard what Floch had done,” Zeke lowered his eyes and shook his head. Hange had to give it to him – he looked almost genuinely sincere. “He wasn’t acting on my orders, please believe me.”

“I know more than anyone how hard it is to rein in Floch. I took no offense, don’t fret.” Hange lifted a cup of tea Zeke brought her and looked at it skeptically. Then with the same expression of doubt, she turned her gaze back to him. “It’s safe to drink this, right?”

“Can I call you Hange?” Zeke asked. “I feel like we’re so alike, there is no need for titles.”

“Sure,” Hange shrugged. “Call me whatever you like.”

Zeke nodded, a pleased smile breaking on his face. “I would never scoop so low as to poison you, Hange,” he answered. “Meeting you is a great honor. I hope you enjoy this time as much as I do.”

Hange raised her gaze, looking over Zeke’s shoulder and exchanged a look with Captain Levi. He was wearing an irritated expression, and when their eyes met, he lifted an eyebrow, as though to tell Hange ‘I told you so’.

She hid a smile behind her cup.

“So what do you want to know?” she focused her attention back at Zeke. “The number of our troops? The location of strategic sights? How many times a day I take a shit?”

There was a sudden coughing sound, and as Hange looked up, she saw that Captain Levi turned around, his shoulders shaking slightly.

“I don’t think you understand the severity of your situation,” a smile slipped from Zeke’s lips. He obviously wasn’t as amused by her witty comeback as his Captain. “I may be kind and polite to you, but you’re still my prisoner.”

“And I don’t think you understand that I don’t give a fuck about that. Do whatever you like, Zeke. I won’t tell you anything.”

Zeke narrowed his eyes, glaring at her. “Enjoy your stay in Marley.” He declared between gritted teeth. “I’ll be seeing you again very soon.”

He rose to his feet, almost knocking a chair to the ground. Hange took a sip from her cup, watching how Zeke stormed out from her cell.

“Don’t take your eyes off her,” he instructed Levi. He muttered something else, something that sounded almost like a curse and then left.

“Wow.” Levi breathed out, when the sound of Zeke’s heavy footsteps disappeared. “I have to admit, you’re something else, four-eyes. I spent years, getting on his nerves, but five minutes with you? And he already calls ‘a fucking Eldian scum’? You’re force to be reckoned with.”

“And that was just our first meeting,” laying chin on her hand, Hange sighed dreamily. “What a nice guy. Can’t wait to see more of him.”

***

“Why are you here?”

Levi was leaning against the wall opposite from the cell Hange was contained to. As soon as the question left his lips, Hange looked up, closing the book she was reading.

An amused grin spread on her lips. “I’m sort of a prisoner here, didn’t you know?”

“I didn’t mean that,” Levi rolled his eyes, pushing himself off the wall and taking a step closer. “How did you get here? How did you get captured?”

Hange frowned, scratching her head. “Haven’t you read the report?”

Levi did, more times that he could count. He read it again and again, trying to piece together the reasons for Hange’s behavior. Trying to understand why did she act the way she did.

“Ship Wings of Freedom was spotted near Marleyan borders.” Levi effortlessly recited the beginning of report. “According to the statement from Eldian Commander Hange Zoe, they were trying to launch a surprise attack at Odiha port. The ship was ambushed before Eldians could charge an assault. The only person, who was discovered at the ship’s board and, subsequently captured, is Hange Zoe, war chief and main engineer of Paradise Island.”

“So you did read it, huh?”

“Obviously, you couldn’t be the only person on that ship.” Levi contemplated aloud. “And that means you let your soldiers escape. Why did you stay behind?”

“Someone had to create a diversion,” Hange explained so easily, as though it was a simple, trite matter and not something Levi was obsessing over ever since she was placed under his care.

“Anybody could have done it,” Levi moved closer, touching the metal bars of the cell with his chest. His cold grey eyes bored into Hange. Perhaps, if he looked hard enough, he’d be able to see it. He’d be able to understand her. “Certainly, there were other less valuable soldiers than you.”

“Exactly. I was the most valuable one. And that meant your men would think twice before killing me.”

“You stayed behind… let us capture you, because… you wanted to save your squad?”

"Well, when you put it like that..." Hange giggled, a little embarrassed. "It sounds like I'm the worst Commander ever."

She couldn't have been further from the truth. In his life as a soldier, Levi had seen his fair share of Commanders. Some were awful, while some were much better. And, as far as he could judge, Hange was the best of them all. With just one act, she showed Levi what a real Commander must look like. Self-sacrificing, fearless and loyal not only to the country they’ve served, but to their soldiers as well.

If only things were different, Levi couldn't help but think, I would have happily followed you.

"Don't you regret it?" he asked. "Leaving your soldiers without your guidance?"

"They'll manage," Hange said without an ounce of incertitude in her voice.

"You're so confident in your subordinates?"

"They're the best of the best," a proud smile curled at her lips. Hange sat back in her chair, putting hands behind her head. "Just wait until they regroup. Mark my words, Captain. They’ll crush Marley in to time."

Marley had the biggest army in the world. They had the most advanced technology. They’ve conquered several countries. They were considered an indestructible, imperishable Empire.

And if there was anyone who could stand a chance against his motherland, Levi was sure - this fit could be achieved exclusively by the soldiers who were trained and tutored by Commander Hange Zoe.

"All this bragging about your squad," a smirk pulled on Levi's lips, amusement painting his usually stoic features. "Are you trying to recruit me, Commander Hange Zoe?"

"Why," Hange gave him a sly grin, raising her eyebrow. "Is it working?"

Levi snorted. "You have to do better than that to sway me, Commander."

"Ah, a shame," she giggled. "We could have used your skills, Captain."

"Need I remind you that you don't have an army right now?"

“It’s true, I don't. Right now. But who knows what is going to happen next?"

There was a small, but enigmatic smile on her lips, and fire inside her eyes burned brighter than the torch he was standing next to. Her expression made Levi realize that not all prejudices about Eldians were wrong. Hange proved that the old Marleyan saying - Eldians always have a trick up their sleeves – could actually be true.

It was obvious that she had some kind of a plan. And it was obvious that she was confident in its success. Rooting for her was wrong, some could even interpret it as treason.

And yet— a part of him hoped that she – and her people – would succeed.

***

Levi unlocked the door, stepping inside. The moment he crossed the threshold, a pair of gentle arms wrapped themselves around his neck.

"Levi," his mother pressed him tightly to her chest. "Welcome home."

"Sorry for being late," he whispered gruffly. He pressed his face into her neck, inhaling the familiar and dear scent of chamomile and lavender. "I had so much paperwork, I was practically swimming in it."

"My poor boy," Kuchel ruffled his hair and took a step back, releasing him from her embrace. "Take off your shoes and go wash your hands. I'll heat up dinner for you."

"Thanks," Levi said, shrugging off his formal coat and undoing his tie. As he stripped his uniform, breathing came a little easier.

"So?" Kuchel put a plate with broth in front of Levi and sat down next to him. "Is it true? Did they really capture Eldian Commander?"

"Yeah," Levi nodded, after he swallowed the first spoon of broth. "I've been assigned to watch over her."

Kuchel perked up. "And? Is she as terrible as they say?"

"No." Levi held the spoon a little tighter. He pursed his lips, staring in his plate with a faraway look. “She’s not terrible at all. Quite the contrary. I know that it’s wrong but… I think she’s a good person.”

"Eldian Commander?"

"Yes. Hange. She's my enemy, I know that. And I know that I must despise her, but... She's so good, mom. She's brave and she cares about her people, and... I can't help but think if this," he gave a vague gesture, "our lives - would have been better if people like Commander Hange were in charge. It makes me think… maybe, Kenny, that old bastard, was right."

"Honey..." Kuchel lovingly patted his cheek and exhaled, her beautiful grey eyes filling with sadness at the mention of her late brother. "During times like this, it’s hard to know what’s wrong and what’s right. Isn’t it wrong to kill people? Isn’t it wrong to hate an entire nation just because we don’t share the same name? They’re people just like us. Just like us, they can be good or bad. It's easier to hate them, to see them as monsters that need to be slayed. Doesn't mean that it's true. And if you see your enemy as someone worth of admiring, if you can forget about you differences and see just another person, isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it something we should aspire to? You’re a kind and good man, Levi. And if there were more people like you… maybe, we wouldn’t be fighting this war at all.”

Silence fell over the small kitchen room. Levi thought about his mother’s words, he tried to imagine a world she was talking about. A better, kinder world with no hatred and prejudices. A world, where peace and happiness were more prevalent than war, starvation and poverty.

A world like this would have been nice. But sadly, it was nothing more than utopia.

“Well, that was enough philosophical monologues for one evening!" Kuchel chirped, jumping to her feet. "Quickly, eat the broth before it gets cold. I'll brew you a cup of tea in the meanwhile."

Levi complied, diving into his dinner. From the corner of his eyes, he continued watching his mother move around the kitchen. She stood on her tiptoes, reaching out to the higher shelf. As she did so, the sleeve of her dress rolled up, revealing an ugly, purple bruise around her wrist.

He was by her side in an instant.

"What is this?" he hissed, carefully lifting her arm. Kuchel looked at him, her eyed widening in alarm. "What is this?" Levi repeated, even though he already knew the answer.

"Honey-"

"Did that bastard do it?" he let go of her hand. His anger was growing and he didn't want his mother to become an accidental victim of it. He turned around and started to pace around the room. "I'll go to him." He declared, his whole body shaking with rage. He spoke quietly, but every word was filled with cold, merciless fury. "I'll kill that scumbag with my bare hands, I'll make him regret ever touching you."

"Levi!" Kuchel rushed to him, cradling his face in her palms. "Levi, calm down. This was just an accident. He apologized and it would never happen again, I swear."

In the arms of his mother, Levi's fury had lessened. He stared at her, as another feeling took its place instead of anger. The feeling of helplessness and despair.

"You can't continue seeing this bastard,” he said, almost pleading. “He hurts you, and I can't watch it happen."

"My boy," Kuchel kissed his forehead. "My Levi, we don’t really have a choice, remember? But, please, don’t worry about me, I’m doing alright. As long as you're with me, everything is going to be just fine."

"That was the last time," Levi promised, the fire returning to his gaze. "It was the last time he hurt you. General or not, if he ever does it again, I'll kill him. I'll kill him even if that would be the last thing I do. I won't let anyone make you suffer."

“Levi…” Kuchel sighed, quietly and warily. She lowered her hands and turned away, hiding the pain inside her eyes from Levi. He watched her back, his chest tightening. In that moment, his mother looked so small, so fragile. Levi despised the man who made her feel this way and his uncle, who put them into this mess. He despised their world for making her suffer so much.

And more than anything, he despised himself for not being able to protect her.

***

Hange's next meeting with Zeke was vastly different from the first. Instead of a small, suffocating cell, it was conducted in a large, spacious room with big windows and high ceilings.

And as Levi had led her inside, she was astonished to see that Zeke wasn't alone. The other generals - probably the entire main body of Marleyan brass - were waiting for her arrival.

All these attention to the little, insignificant her? And they say Marleyans aren't charming...

“Gentleman!” she greeted with a blindingly bright smile on her lips. There was a chair in the middle of the room, and she plopped down on it, still wearing the same happy expression. “Good day to all of you!”

Levi took his place just behind her shoulder. Hange glanced at him briefly – he stood with his hands behind his back, his head raised up high. Their eyes met – just for a second – but it was enough to calm her nerves.

Captain Levi was not an ally, most certainly not her friend, but amidst all foes, he was the only thing that gave her comfort.

A citizen and a loyal soldier of a country that wanted her dead, Captain Levi was the sole source of light in her life during these dark times.

“So?” Hange put hands on her knees, her gaze studying each member of Marleyan brass carefully. “What did you call me here for?”

“I’m sure you already know,” Zeke, who sat at the center of the table, took the word. He seemed more controlled than during their last meeting, and a confident smile has returned to his lips. “We haven’t finished our earlier conversation.”

Hange arched an eyebrow. “Still interested in my shitting techniques?”

“No.” Zeke answered grimly. A few surprised chuckles came from his colleagues around the table, and Hange could almost hear the sound of his teeth gritting against each other in frustration. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“We are more interested in other aspects of your job,” a man that sat next to Zeke spoke. “My name is Winston Greeves, it’s nice to meet you, Commander. Now,” he leaned closer, prepping his chin with his hand. “Is there something you wish to tell us? Something related to the state of your troops, perhaps?”

Hange lifted her head and tapped her lower lip with a finger. “Is there something that I wish to tell you…” she murmured pensively. “I guess I can tell you how much I’ve been enjoying your country and your hospitality...”

“Again, that’s not exactly what we want to hear ,” Greeves said, and the easy smile that was plastered on his face just moments ago became a little too tight around the edges.

“I would stop this farce, if I were you,” Zeke spoke again, his voice low and almost growl-like. “Unlike your barbaric, primitive island, Marley is a civilized nation, but that doesn’t mean we’re above using techniques that would undoubtedly untie your tongue.”

“Was that supposed to frighten me?” Hange asked with a bored, unimpressed look. She took off her glasses, wiping them with the sleeve of her shirt and looking at Zeke beneath her eyebrows. “Do better next time, Zeke. You think that threats would work on me? You think that promise of pain would make me submit? You think that there is anything you can do to me that will make me betray my own country? I surrendered willingly to you, idiots, I knew exactly what was going to happen to me. And I knew that I wouldn’t be getting out of it alive.”

“You’re right,” Zeke nodded. “You won’t survive. You will die, Hange Zoe. You will die regretting your loyalty and devotion. You will die, but not before you spill out to me every last one of your secrets.”

“Till our next meeting,” he promised darkly, gesturing Levi to take her away.

***

"Zeke's nice guy persona is slipping," Hange muttered, as Levi led her back to her cell. "I wonder what this sudden urgency is all about..."

Levi pursed his lips, thinking. He probably shouldn't say this to Hange. It was classified information, known only to the highest members of brass. If anyone finds out that he revealed it to Hange, without a doubt, he'd join her in that cell. And that's in the best case scenario.

On the other hand, there was no one Hange would pass this information onto. Telling it to her would have no consequences whatsoever.

Levi had decided. He turned to face Hange, but before his mouth could start forming words, a familiar smell entered his nostrils.

Chamomile and lavender.

He whirled around. General Greeves himself was standing behind him.

"Ackerman," he spat, barely looking at him. "We need to talk."

"Can't it wait?" Levi didn't bother to hide irritation from his voice. "I have to take care of the prisoner."

"The Eldian can wait." Greeves scoffed. "It's not like she can escape. Leave her and follow me."

Levi glanced back at Hange. She was looking right at him, her head tilted to the side, watching the exchange intently. There was a curious spark in her eyes and something else, something that looked almost like... concern? Whatever it was, Levi had no time to decipher that.

"I'll be right back," he told her curtly and followed after Greeves.

***

"Is your mother free this evening?" Greeves bluntly asked the second they were out of Hange's earshot.

"She is not," Levi said lowly. He looked at Greeves and all he could see was the frail pale wrist of his mother that was painted in mix of purple and dark yellow. It took all of his willpower and then more not to latch onto Greeves' neck and kill the bastard with his own hands.

"Then make sure she is." Greeves snapped. "And wipe that scowl from your face, boy. Or do you need reminding just how much I’ve done for you?"

Levi said nothing, just glared at Greeves from beneath his fridge.

Greeves looked around, the hallway was empty save for Hange, but he cared not for her. He grabbed Levi by the collar of his uniform, his hold strong enough to lift him off the floor.

"You have the gall, Ackerman," he hissed right into his face. "You, who got from me an apartment in the center of a capital and a fancy title of a Captain. Do you think I won't take it away from you? Do you think your mother is that good that I won't throw you out on a street? Or I can do much, much worse," a malicious smile spread on his lips, as he stared down at Levi as though he was nothing. "I can reveal a little secret. I can tell everyone that the dreaded Kenny the Ripper was actually an uncle of the brave and great Captain Levi Ackerman. Do you want me to do that, hm? Do you want the whole world to know that you were raised by a traitor? Do you want to repeat his fate alongside your dear mother? Believe me, getting lynched on the street is not the best way to go. So stop with attitude and be a good boy, understand?" Levi kept his silence and, furious, Greeves violently shook him. "I asked - do you understand?"

Levi thought of saying no. He thought of throwing the bastard's hands off him and punching him in the face. He thought of taking his gun out, of shooting him right in the center of that ugly, narrow forehead of his and watching life leave his eyes. His hand twitched.

But then he thought of his mother, of what they would do to her if he decides to succumb to his rage, of how many bruises would appear on her body after that.

He met Greeves's eyes and nodded.

"Use your words, brat."

Fury spiked inside him again, threatening to bubble out of his chest, his muscles, his bones and unleash itself onto his enemy.

He closed his eyes for a second, and the face of his mother appeared behind his eyelids. He saw her beautiful eyes, her tired but gentle smile.

"Yes." He said, his voice loud and clear. "I understand."

"Atta boy," Greeves smiled and roughly pushed him away, making Levi stumble. "Tell your mother my shift ends at seven. And I hope it goes without saying that you better not show your face while I'm there. Dismissed, Captain."

Greeves left after that, humming under his breath. It took Levi a couple of minutes to calm down. He stood frozen in place, breathing heavily as though he had just finished a marathon. He was so angry, his vision clouded. He saw nothing but blood. He wished for nothing but violence.

A careful, warm hand on his shoulder broke him out of his trance. He whirled around and was met face to face with none other than Commander Hange Zoe.

"Are you alright?" she murmured softly. The concern in her eyes was more prominent now. He stared at her for a second, wondering what was wrong with her. How much kindness was stored in her heart if she had enough to spare even for her enemy.

Well, he thought bitterly, it was her kindness that had led her there, to Marleyan prison and straight into Zeke’s arms.

In their world, it was best not to care at all. If only he knew how to do that, he lamented as the disquieted expression on Hange's face insistently tugged at his heart.

"Worry about yourself, four-eyes," he tore his eyes away from, putting on the familiar mask of cold asshole and trying to convince himself that that's what he really was. "Let's go, your cell awaits you."

***

When he came home that night, two hours after midnight his mother was already asleep. Or, at the very least, she appeared to be. The door to her room was closed and the house was dark. He approached it nevertheless, his hand touching the wooden surface. He almost knocked, but stopped himself before his hand curled into fist. He ached to know if she was alright, but he already knew that she wasn't, and going inside would only make all of it worse.

The world they live is cruel, he reminded himself, as he turned away and headed to his room. He tore off his uniform, kicking it in the corner.

He lay in his bed, fighting back tears. Fury and sorrow mixed in his mind, as he thought what his mother had to endure today, as he remembered that there was nothing he could to cease her suffering.

Their world was cruel, he remembered, and the only thing they could do is try to survive.

***

Levi took the next day off.

He woke up with the first rays of sunshine and quietly made his way to the kitchen. He cooked breakfast for his mother and then went out to the market to buy her flowers and pastries. He returned back home and went to wake her up.

The smile she gave him at the sight of fresh flowers and warm meal was enough to make him forget about his troubling thoughts.

"Let's take a walk," he offered after the breakfast was over and he dealt with the dishes.

His mother put on one of her best dresses. She let her hair down, and, as she put her arm through Levi's, a small, but endlessly happy smile curved at her lips.

"Shall we?" he asked after he put on his hat.

Kuchel giggled, covering her mouth with a palm, a picture of elegance. She made a small curtsy and murmured. "After you, my dear." The stroll through the park was nice.

They walked around for a bit, and then, when Levi's injured leg started to ache in protest, they sat down on a bench, enjoying the warm weather in the shadow of a big tree.

Knowing his son's quiet nature, Kuchel took it upon herself to fill the silence. She spoke about birds and how prettily they were singing, gushed over children that were running around and waxed poetic about trees, flowers and how beautiful they looked in the spring.

She was just telling Levi how much she enjoyed the smell of cherries when they're in bloom, when he saw one cheery petal fell down. It landed on Kuchel, tangling in her luscious, black hair.

Levi reached out to take it out and realized - it was time. He had to speak with his mother, had to tell her everything that's been on his mind.

"Mom," he began, looking her in the eyes. "Listen—"

"Shh," Kuchel pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. "Levi, don't. I know what you want to say, and I'm asking you - don't. Our situation isn't the best, I can't deny it. But it's better than the fate your uncle has suffered. We're both still alive, we're still together. I can still be your mom, can welcome you home from work and take walks with you in the park. And that's more than enough for me. So," she pushed the hair away from his forehead and leaned in, leaving a kiss on his forehead. "Let's just enjoy this moment. Sometimes it's all we can do, my dear."

Something in the tone of her voice, the way she didn't look in his eyes evoked a feeling of dread inside him. It brought Levi unprompted desperation. He took his mother's hand in his and gripped it just a little tighter than usually.

Enjoy the moment, he repeated to himself, sometimes that's all we can do.

***

Levi returned to work the next day— and regretted ever leaving his post.

A couple of plates stood next to the Hange's cell, all of them untouched.

Hange herself wasn't in her usual spot, sitting behind the desk with a book in her hands. She was lying on the bed, facing the wall.

Levi swallowed and unlocked the door, stepping inside.

"Hey," he called softly, hoping that Hange just decided to take a nap and didn't hear him approach. She didn't respond. "Hey, it's me," he tried again, but received no answer once more.

His stomach fell as he thought about the reasons for her silence.

He hurried to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder. It was still warm. Levi let out a barely audible sigh of relief. Still warm meant still alive.

He shook her. "Get up, four-eyes."

"No," came her curt reply. Her voice was gruff, almost lifeless. Hearing it broke something in him.

Levi looked at Commander Hange, thinking what to do. Then he saw it - red seeping through the yellow of her shirt.

Zeke's methods in action, he thought grimly.

He turned around and marched out of the cell. With hurried steps, he went into infirmary and grabbed a med kit.

Commander Hange wasn't going to die. Not on his watch, at least.

"Get up," he ordered once he was back in her cell.

"No."

"Get up," he repeated, kicking the leg of the bed. "Right fucking now, four-eyes, those wounds of your need dressing."

A short laugh escaped from her lips. It was bitter and devoid of any mirth. "Why do you, of all people, worry about me?"

"I don't," Levi easily retorted. "But your people do. They want to get you back. It'd be a shame if their loyalty would result in nothing because you got too tired to continue fighting."

"Don't lecture me. What do you, Marleyan, know about my people?"

"More than you do, apparently."

That finally got her to face him.

The sight of Commander Hange almost made him choke. Her face was a mess, what was not bruised was covered in blood. Her nose looked broken and her right eye was swollen.

He felt bile rise to his throat as he continued to stare at the results of Zeke's desire to win this war.

"What do you mean?" Hange asked, her voice wary. Life slowly started to return to her eyes. “Do you know something?”

"Not much," Levi shrugged. "But there had been reports about suspicious activity on the south borders. They think your guys are getting ready to attack. That's why Zeke is so impatient to get information out of you."

Zeke was scared shitless. All of them were. Marley was an imperishable Empire who was involved in too many wars. They didn't have enough people to defend themselves in case of the attack on their land. With most of their soldiers fighting and conquering in countries far away, if Paradise attacks, they'll be practically defenseless.

"So quit moping," he told Hange. "Let me fix your wounds and then I'll bring you more food. Save your strength, four-eyes. Don't let your soldiers down."

"Has anyone ever told you you're quite rude, Captain?"

"More times that I could have count, Commander. Now, quickly, turn around and take off your shirt. We'll deal with the wounds here first."

"Bossy, aren't we?" Hange huffed, but complied and started to unbutton her shirt.

As she pushed the yellow cloth down, revealing her bare shoulders and back, Levi sighed in relief. The wounds there weren't as severe as he had expected.

Still, severe or not, the injuries had to be cleaned and dressed. Levi set out to work.

The touch of disinfectant to her bare skin made Hange hiss, but she didn't recoil. A soldier through and through, Levi noted with a growing sense of admiration.

"You weren't here yesterday," Hange spoke, her voice shaking slightly. "What were you doing?"

"Went to a park."

"Oh," Hange turned her face to the side, looking at him curiously. "Did you take Missus Ackerman with you?"

"Miss Ackerman," Levi corrected. "My mother."

“Interesting,” she hummed, biting her thumb. “So Marley’s strongest soldier is actually a momma’s boy?”

“Thinking of using it against me, Commander Hange?”

“You know what they say,” she shrugged, a smile pulling at her lips. It suited her a lot more than the pathetic expression from earlier. “All’s fair in war.”

“You’re cruel.”

“I’m effective.”

“And very annoying,” Levi scoffed, taking a step back. “Put on your shirt and turn around. I need to take care of the mess on your face now.”

“Why are you helping me?” Hange wondered, as Levi inspected her wounds, holding her chin in his hands.

“I’m not,” Levi answered, his gaze focused on the cut on her eyebrow. “I’m a loyal soldier of my country.”

“So by taking care of me…”

“I’m making sure that you live on. So you could reveal more information to us.”

The lie slipped easily from his lips. So easily that Levi almost began to think that it was the truth.

Commander Hange Zoe, however, wasn’t so effortlessly convinced.

“And yet you haven’t asked me a single question, Captain.”

“Levi,” he grunted, as he started to gently wipe the blood from her forehead.

“What?”

“Call me Levi.”

“Oh.” She looked down for a second, mumbling something under her breath. Her voice was too quiet, but Levi thought that she was mouthing his name. Then she raised her eyes and met his. A soft smile was playing on her lips. “Then you should call me Hange.”

“Nah,” he said, desperately trying to fight back a smile. “Four-eyes suits you much better.”

***

A week later the news came.

The base in Lago, where the main body of their navy was located, was destroyed. No survivors. No witnesses.

A banner of Wings of Freedom that was now fluttering in the wind at the top of the once great Lago base was enough of a clue, though.

The pride of Marley, the fear of dozens of their enemy nations, Lago base was thought to be indestructible. Just like Marley itself.

A week later the news came. The next day, Commander Hange Zoe lost an eye.

***

“Stop it with that face.”

“What face?” Levi tore his gaze away from the bloodied mess and a lifeless white that once had been a lively, rich brown color.

“That face. Stop looking so angry. Or I will start thinking that you care.”

Hange lifted a finger, and then— before Levi could react – slap her hand or push her away – she bopped his nose. He blinked and looked down. He didn’t know what face he was making right now, but it had Hange snickering.

“That’s better,” she declared.

“Idiot,” Levi scoffed and turned away, fumbling with the med kit he had brought. He was more than familiar with its contents by now, having regularly used it to treat her wounds, but he felt the need to keep himself busy, and, more importantly, keep himself facing away from Commander Hange. If she had noticed the flush on his face, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. “Of course, I do care. Your wound is bleeding. It ruins the sheets, you know.”

“Ah,” Hange nodded. “That is a serious problem.”

“More than you know. I wash those sheets, if you didn’t know.”

“You do? The great Captain Levi washes the sheets of a mere Eldian prisoner?”

“No one else wishes to do it. And I can’t stand that reek.”

“Oh god,” her remaining eye lighted up, as though Levi has just said the most wonderful thing she had ever heard. “I can’t believe it, Captain Levi Ackerman, the fear of all Eldians,” she paused dramatically, an amused smile playing on her lips. “Is actually a clean freak.”

Levi arched an eyebrow, giving the most unimpressed look he could muster. “Has anyone told you’re very stupid?”

“Never,” she confessed proudly. “I’m actually considered one of the smartest people in Paradise.”

“Makes sense then, why you’re losing this war.”

“Ouch,” Hange winced. “That actually hurt.”

“Speaking of pain…” Levi took a cloth dapped in antiseptic into his hand and grabbed Hange by the chin. “Let me take a look at your eye.”

In his years as a soldier, Levi had seen his share of injuries. But he had never got used to it. The sight of broken bones and lacerated skin, of blood seeping through uniform and sinking in between trembling fingers, it was a sight he just couldn’t get accustomed to, no matter how hard he tried and no matter how many battles he had witnessed and survived.

The wound that he was now seeing on the face of Hange Zoe wasn’t an exception. Looking at the cut running through her eye, the eye that was always filled with so much life and emotion, he felt sadness sip deep into his heart.

“Not as handsome as I was before, eh?” Hange lowered her voice to a quiet murmur, and when he glanced down at her face, he saw that she was wearing a hesitant expression.

“Nonsense,” Levi shook his head, chasing away his troubling thoughts, and began to wipe the blood away from her face. “Who told you were handsome before?”

“You are even snarkier than usual today.” Hange noted, her only eye looking at him closely. “Is there a reason for it, I wonder?”

“Who did this?” Levi asked. “Zeke?”

The hold he had on her jaw tightened ever so slightly, as he fought to conceal his anger. Thankfully, Hange didn’t comment on it.

“No. This little monster I had created myself.”

“Floch,” Levi guessed instantly. Of course, how he could forget about that damned bastard. “Well, if it gives you any consolation, Zeke isn’t having the time of his life either.”

“Oh?”

“Lago base was attacked, and, subsequently, destroyed.”

“Oh…” Hange bit her lip, a cautious and almost worried expression on her face. “And the attackers…”

“Were never found. The only thing that was discovered is the banner of Wings of Freedom.”

“Huh,” a wide, excited grin spread on her lips. “A stealthy approach then. Definitely one of Armin’s ideas.”

Levi kept his silence, continuing to work on her wound.

“What,” Hange playfully kicked his leg. “You’re not going to ask who that Armin is? His full name? His rank?”

“I’ll leave the interrogation stuff to Zeke,” Levi pursed his lips, the disgust showing at his face at the thought of the bearded jerk. “My job is cleaning up his messes.”

“And looking after me,” Hange said with a soft look in her eye. “You’re such a good man, Levi. So kind to me…”

“It’s not kindness,” Levi scoffed, doing his best to remain nonchalant and hide his discomfort. “Just basic human decency.”

“You think I deserve it?”

You deserve it more than most, he wanted to say.

“Why wouldn’t you deserve it,” he answered instead. “You’re a human too, aren’t you?”

Hange chuckled, the sound quiet and bitter. “Most of your countrymen would disagree.”

“I told you already. I’m not the most.”

“But you’ve told me something else too,” Hange argued. She lifted her hand and traced the line from his cheek to his mouth. “These scars… you said they were caused by the weapon I created. Don’t you hate me for that?”

“No.” Levi echoed. “You’re not at fault here. The war is.”

Hange fell silent after that, lost in her thoughts. To an accompaniment of her shallow breathing and infrequent hisses, Levi finished tending to her injury. He cleaned the wound, did his best to stitch the cut skin together and then dressed it in a white gauze.

When he was tying the ends at the back of her head, Hange softly touched his arm.

“Thank you,” she murmured. “For making survival just a bit easier for me.”

Levi looked into her eye, swept his gaze across all of her face and body, carving it to his memory, and nodded.

He turned around then and left her cell. As he walked through the empty, ill-lit hallways, he thought if Hange was able to understand, if she could see in his eyes that he was grateful to her for all the same reasons.

***

“Captain.”

Without asking for permission, without waiting for an invitation, Zeke waltzed inside Levi’s office, plopping down on the chair beside his desk.

“I came to talk with you,” he announced, that infuriating smile plastered to his lips. “Do you have a moment?”

“For you, Zeke?” Levi made sure to put as much sarcasm and distain in his voice as it was possible. “Always.”

“Excellent!” Zeke eagerly clasped his hands together. He either didn’t notice or simply didn’t care enough to respond to Levi’s taunting. “I wanted to discuss with you the infamous Commander Hange.”

His stomach fell as those words left Zeke’s mouth. Whatever he was going to say next, Levi was sure he wouldn’t like it. He didn’t let any of his anxiety show at his face, though, and so Levi nodded, prompting Zeke to continue.

“She’s a tough nut to crack, and as you’re well aware, we’re losing our precious time. We need to get at least something out of her, or the whole country is doomed.”

“And how is that my problem?” Levi lazily inquired. “Torturing people isn’t one of my responsibilities.”

“I’m not asking you to torture her, I doubt you can do that,” Zeke said it flippantly, like an after-thought. But his eyes stared at Levi intently, gauging his reaction. “But she trusts you. And I need you to exploit it.”

“Trusts me?” Levi scoffed, genuinely surprised by Zeke’s assertion. “We’re talking about Eldian Commander, do you think she’d be stupid enough to trust me?”

“You’re closer to her than any of us,” Zeke protested, serious, despite his ridiculous claims.

“So what?” Levi sat back in his chair, crossing hands on his chest and staring at Zeke with a deep frown on his face. “She lets me dress her wounds. That doesn’t mean she trusts me.”

“On the contrary. That’s exactly what it means. Do you think I’m such a barbarian, Levi?” Zeke asked, before Levi could continue protesting. “Do you think I have not offered to take care of her wounds? She laughed at me and then spat in my face.”

Despite his best efforts, Levi’s lips twitched as he fought back a smile. If only he could see it… The expression Zeke made in that moment, it was probably the one of pure disgust and hatred. Levi had spent years trying to make Zeke look at him like that.

Truly, Commander Hange Zoe was something else.

“Talk with her, Levi,” Zeke ordered, his voice tainted with anger at the sight of Levi’s clear amusement. “Do your country a service. Or else I’m going to dig deeper into the reasons of why Commander Zoe trusts you so. You wouldn’t want to become second Kenny the Ripper, would you? Your mother wouldn’t be able to take it. So think of her, if the loyalty to your country isn’t enough to motivate you.”

Without waiting for Levi’s reply, Zeke stood up and headed to the door.

“I hope you’ll make the right choice,” he said at last, and then disappeared behind the door, leaving Levi alone.

***

Another week passed, and all the main forces of their army were brought in to the capital. The brass looked at the young, but worn-out faces, at the once strong bodies that were now claimed by exhaustion and traumas, and realized – they had no army.

Their unwinnable, perfect soldiers, the elite of elites, they were too few of them. A lot had died far away from their motherland, conquering countries at the other side of the world, while the others fell victims to stray bullets and bombshells which left them broken and unable to fight.

And the military of indestructible Empire realized – they were going to lose this war.

***

Levi came home that evening, and found his mother behind a weasel, painting a tree branch that was visible from their window.

“I’m home,” he announced for his mother was too occupied with her work to notice his arrival.

At the sound of his voice, she turned around, and the brilliant smile on her lips was enough to calm his raging heart.

“You picked up art again?” he asked, as he approached her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“I felt a sudden feat of inspiration,” she said, her voice like a sweet melody. “Although, I’m afraid my skills got a bit rough…”

“It’s beautiful,” Levi assured. “Did you eat dinner already?”

“Oh no,” her eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. “I forgot to make it.”

“I’ll cook something for us, don’t worry. I’ll call you when it’s ready, you can continue painting.”

“Such a sweet boy,” she shook her head, lifting a brush and dipping it in a green paint. “How are things at work?”

Their second base, this one much closer to the capital was destroyed.

The situation was as bad as it could possibly be. Eldian forces were making rapid progress, and no one knew what to do to stop the invasion. They didn't have enough men to defend themselves, and, to make matters worse, they were yet to actually see the Eldian soldiers. The devils from Paradise remained hidden, striking from the shadows.

Zeke had departed from the capital, going to the closest army base to train the new recruits. Most of the Marleyan brass followed after him - Greeves had left too, and Levi suspected that it was the reason for his mother's good mood. They claimed they wanted to overlook the trainings, but Levi knew better - in case of the attack on the capital, they were hoping to wait it out in the safety of base's bunkers.

Zeke had left, but he sent Levi letters every day, asking on his progress with Hange. And every day, Levi had to come up with another lie to explain to him the absence of results.

So no, things at work weren't going that good, but then Levi remembered a smile that bloomed on Hange's face as he told her about the accomplishments of her soldiers, and he said.

"The work? It's going fine."

***

In a desperate attempt to showcase their superiority, to prove to the whole world that they're still the same indestructible Marley, the government decided to throw a parade.

The soldiers were rehearsing for days at end, perfecting their matching technique.

The sound of their tramps boomed through the main courtyard and reverberated through the stone walls of the army headquarters, as military officials and army engineers ran around, preparing the best and most advanced weaponry to show everyone their might.

During a day like this Levi led Hange out of her cell.

She walked through the hallways with a spring in her step and her hands dangling from side to side. For a tortured prisoner, she looked far too cheerful.

"Are you leading me to the gallows?" she asked in a playful singing voice.

Levi swept his gaze across her form, something coming alive inside him at the sight of her looking so joyful. "Unfortunately, no."

"Hm.” Hange nodded, narrowing her eye. “And what about the handcuffs?" she raised her free wrists. "Where are they? Am I not supposed to be an important and dangerous prisoner?"

"Are you going to run away, four-eyes?" Levi looked at her, a spark of amusement lightening his bored expression.

"I could try," she challenged.

"You could," Levi agreed. "And you wouldn't take more than two steps before I catch you."

"I could take you by surprise..."

"And you're saying this to prepare me for that surprise?"

Hange's bravado disappeared without a trace. "Damn your perceptiveness..." she muttered with a slight pout.

"So where are you taking me?" she repeated her question.

"To the bathroom."

"Eh?" a look of confusion settled over her face. "Is this a new method of torture?"

"No. I'm just sick of your smell. You reek worse than a pig, four-eyes."

"Ah, your clean freaky tendencies,” she snickered. “Of course, how could I forget."

“Take your clothes off,” he instructed once they were inside a brightly lit room with a bathtub standing at the center of it.

“I see you already prepared the water…” she murmured, approaching the tub and dipping her fingers in it. “And it’s still warm!”

“Don’t waste any more time then. Get inside, four-eyes.”

“Wait,” Hange sat at the edge of the tub and eyed him suspiciously. “You’re going to stay in the room with me?”

“You’re an important and dangerous prisoner,” he used her words from before. “Can’t exactly leave you here all alone, can I?”

“Or you just can’t resist my sexy and curvy body…” she whispered with a smirk on her lips.

“Start cleaning yourself,” Levi hastily turned around, hiding his blush. “Or I’ll do it myself.”

“Oh, will you be rough?” her sultry, sulky voice was quiet, but enticing. Levi hated the fact that it made his heart beat faster. “Will you manhandle me? Make me submit to your commands?”

“For fuck’s sake!” he growled, his ears and cheeks burning. “Just shut up and take a damn bath!”

“You’re no fun…” he heard her mumble. A moment later, he heard another sound, the one that made him exhale in relief – a sound of splashing water that signaled that Hange finally got inside the bathtub.

Levi tuned out everything else after that and stared out of the window, watching the soldiers march – one foot, then another, left and right, left and right, each move precise and controlled.

“So they’re organizing a parade,” Hange said. “Marley really doesn’t care that Paradise can attack at any moment?”

“On the contrary,” Levi disagreed. “Your guys got army higher-ups terrified as ever.”

“So this parade…”

“Is meant to show the other countries that we’re still as strong as ever, and ensure our own people that we got everything under control.”

“Not bad,” Hange hummed. “When people in Paradise start to doubt the government, they just start throwing shit at us.”

Despite himself, Levi chuckled. “Literally or figuratively?”

“Depends on how much we fucked up.”

“Paradise sounds more and more like my kind of country…” he mused quietly.

“I told you already,” Hange said, and without even looking at her, Levi could see the proud smirk on her face. “We could use your skills.”

“Are you trying to recruit me again, Commander?”

“It depends – is it working?”

Yes, Levi wanted to say. In the end, he said nothing.

“Hey,” she called. “Help me wash my hair, please.”

Levi wordlessly complied. He stood behind her back, his gaze involuntarily darting to the myriad of scars on her shoulder blades. He wondered about the story behind them. Without thinking, he reached out and traced the outline of one blemish, the one that ran along her spine.

“I have a lot of time to think nowadays,” Hange began, snapping Levi out of his reverie. He pulled his hand away, as fast as he could. The warmth from her skin lingered at his fingertips, making him wish to savor it for as long as possible. Ignoring the pleasant feeling, he pushed her down, wetting her hair. Then, when Hange reemerged, he squeezed shampoo onto his hands and buried them into her brown locks, gently carding through her hair. “I know it’s a bit stupid, and I know you most probably will laugh at me, or call me crazy, but… I thought if things were different, if—”

“If I wasn’t me, and you weren’t you?” Levi prompted, his voice hollow. He thought about the same thing.

“Yes,” Hange gave a slight nod. “If we had met under different circumstances, could we become… friends?”

Friends. What a weird word, what a constellation of different, but equally warm feelings. Affection, trust and care… They meant nothing to him. In all the years he was living in this world, he never really had anyone who could fit that description. He had colleagues, had brothers in arms, had his family… but a friend? He wasn’t familiar with that concept.

But if he was, Hange Zoe would probably fit that description to a tee.

If only things were different…

“Close your eyes,” he ordered, ignoring her question as though it had never been asked. “It’s time to rinse your hair.”

“Thank you,” Hange said, when she was finished with a bath and put on the fresh clothes Levi had brought her. It was his own, the white shirt was too wide for Hange in the shoulders and a little short in the sleeve’s area. She should have noticed, she probably had. She didn’t comment on it. “The bath was nice.”

She lowered her head after that, refusing to meet his eyes.

Even so, Levi nodded. “Let’s get back then. Your wounds need redressing.”

Hange followed him without another word. As he led her back, one thought repeated itself over and over in his head.

If only things were different…

***

The parade was fast approaching. And with that, came a spread of a rumor amongst high ranking officers that the attack was going to happen during the festivities. It was based on nothing, a little less than a stupid superstition.

Still, the atmosphere at the capital was becoming tenser and tenser with each passing day.

Zeke had come back along with other members of military, disappointed in Levi and desperate to get at least something out of unyielding Commander, something they could use to protect themselves before it was too late.

The absence of time was working in Levi's favor. Zeke couldn't spare even a second on him, otherwise he'd surely investigate the suspicious lack of any results.

Levi too had his fair share of reasons for anxieties. He couldn't leave the capital, his absence would be noticed immediately and punished severally, but he wasn't so keen to escape. He was ready to stand with other soldiers and do his best to protect his homeland, but his mother... His mother was another matter completely. He couldn't leave her in the city, even if Hange's people weren't quite as cruel, a fallen building or one particularly bloodthirsty soldier could become a reason for his mother's demise.

He couldn't let it happen.

So in the middle of the night, three days before the parade, Levi paid a visit to an old acquaintance.

Uri Reiss, the biggest adversary against Marley's imperial tendencies, the leader of a once influential political party and the sole reason of Kenny's early and shameful loss of a life, was now in the hiding, living the last days of his glory in the slumps at the edge of the city.

When Levi came, he was sitting in front of a fire with his legs folded underneath him, surrounded by a group of people.

Levi briefly wondered if that were his new followers. Looks like the bastard had lost everything, except his charm, he thought bitterly.

Uri looked bad, old and weary, he was a far cry from the charismatic and sharp man his uncle had decided to follow all those years ago. He was wearing baggy, dirty clothes that were patched up too many times. The only part of his garb that still seemed clean, the only thing he obviously took great care of, was a hat he was wearing on his head.

Kenny's hat, Levi realized after a second of staring at it.

Even after all those ten years that passed since Kenny's death, Levi still remembered that hat.

Remembered how easy it was to find his uncle in the crowd of people because of it. Remembered the texture, the feeling of it in his hands from those rare moments, when Kenny put it on his head.

Of course, he left it to that bastard. Gave it away, easily just like his life.

The mere thought of Kenny evoked a sense of deep, forgotten rage in Levi. The mere sight of his friend, the damned Uri Reiss that condemned their whole family with his naive beliefs, was enough to make Levi fume with anger.

"Levi," Uri squinted, looking at him. "Is that really you? What are you doing here?"

He stepped closer, the shadows from the fire that Uri and his friends were sitting around dancing across his face. "I came to collect my debt."

"Your debt?"

"Yes," he nodded. "You promised Kenny, I know you did, he told me so himself. In exchange for his life, you promised that in time of need, you'll help me and my mother."

"I hope you understand that my hands are quite tied, and I don't have the influence I once possessed," Uri tilted his head, his abnormally bright eyes studying Levi. Despite his old age, despite his current state, his eyes remained the same. The same wit and wisdom Kenny couldn't resist, they were still there. "So what do you want?"

"I'm not going to ask for much," Levi assured him. "I just need you to take my mother out of the city, as far away as you can manage."

"Ah, beautiful Kuchel," Uri shook his head, a wistful smile playing on his thin lips. "Kenny had a soft spot for her too. For both of you, you were the only thing he cared about..."

"And yet he gave his life for your cause," Levi growled, his hands squeezing into fists. “And left us to deal with consequences."

He always hated Uri, hated how much influence he had over Kenny. Hated how in the end, Kenny chose him, and not them, his family.

"Will you do this or not?"

"I—" Uri faltered for a second, something changing in the depth of his eyes. "Of course, I'll help you, Levi. In three days, I'll send one of my men to fetch Kuchel from your apartment. They'll bring her to a safe place, you have my word."

"Good," Levi turned around, unable to look at the bastard any longer.

"And you, Levi?" Uri called after him. "Don't you wish to leave too?"

"No," he answered, his gaze determined. "I'll stay here. Until the end."

***

Convincing his mother to leave proved to be a tougher challenge than Levi had expected. But in the end, after swearing to her that he would join her very soon, he was able to persuade her to start packing her things.

And that's how he spent the remaining three days - helping his mother and keeping Hange company. As though sensing the approach of her soldiers, she became much livelier. She talked about them a lot - gushing over her subordinates as if they were her own children.

Levi shared small bits about his life as well - briefly reminiscing about the time when Kenny was still alive, still with them and they were a small, but tight and loving family.

In moments like these, he couldn't get her words out of his head.

if we had met under different circumstances, could we become… friends?

In moments like these, he felt as though they already were.

***

Three days later, Levi was in a hurry.

He glanced at his pocket watch - it showed seven o'clock - and started running. He left his office and headed outside, passing dozens of people who were in the same state of haste as he was. The parade was starting in just an hour, civilians already started to gather at the main plaza, and everyone was busy with the last preparations. And Levi was in a rush to get home.

The pointer of his pocket watch showed that it was almost a quarter after seven and Levi squeezed himself in-between the large, tight crowd, desperate to get home.

If he was fast enough, she'd still be there. If he was fast enough, he could say a proper goodbye to his mother.

Panting and heaving, he all but tumbled into his apartment. Instantly— the smell of chamomile and lavender tickled his nostrils.

Levi relaxed, she was still here. He kicked off his shoes and walked inside.

He headed to the kitchen and froze a few steps short from it. With heart in his throat, his eyes slowly traced the trail of blood on the floor.

His mother— she wasn't there. Not anymore.

"That's what whores get for trying to escape."

Levi's head snapped to the sound of voice, that voice.

Greeves had walked out of the bathroom, the still bloodied knife in his hands.

Levi was at him in an instant.

He didn't think, he didn't feel as he had wretched the knife out of his hands and threw it away.

He glanced back, at the body of his mother. He saw the steely look in her eyes, a mask of suffering etched forever on her beautiful face.

He turned back to Greeves, and he hit.

His first blow broke his nose. Greeves hollered, and somewhere outside, a distance away from the little apartment in the center of the city, the fireworks started. Or, maybe, the defining explosion wasn't caused by fireworks, as the screams that followed were terrified, not excited, but Levi did not care enough to pay attention to it.

He hit Greeves again and again, and then again. His knuckles started to ache, but he didn't stop. Greeves fell to the ground and he didn't stop, just paused long enough to get on top of him. He stroke blow after blow, hit his face again and again, until there was nothing left.

Only then, he had stopped.

With his legs shaking and hands trembling, he stood up and approached the prone body of his mother.

He picked her up - as gently as he could with the hands that were made for war, with the hands that were covered in blood of her murderer - and brought her to her room, placing her on the bed.

He fixed her hair, wiped the blood from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead, mimicking a gesture he had received from her so often.

Now that the fog that had taken over his mind was gone, Levi was more aware of his surroundings. Now he was able to understand what was going on outside.

It wasn't the sound of fireworks, those weren't the scream of triumph.

As a loyal soldier of Marleyan Empire, he knew all too well the sound of a thunder spear explosion.

The deadly invention of Commander Hange Zoe.

The city wasn't going to hold out for much longer. That meant he was still in a hurry. There was still an unfinished business he had to take care of.

***

All hell had broken loose, when Levi walked outside. The streets around him were ablaze with fire, from all sides all he could hear was explosions, cries and wallows.

The worst of the fighting was done on the main plaza. A downpour of bullets rained down all around him, as two sides desperately fought to achieve victory.

His blindingly white military coat was making him an easy target and wordlessly told everyone which side he was on. So Levi shook it off and made the rest of the way, running from cover to cover, wearing only his thin shirt.

Because, apparently, the universe had its fill of miseries for him already, he was able to get to the entrance of army headquarters relatively unharmed.

Once he stepped inside, Levi had to pause and survey his surroundings. After all the chaos outside, the familiar hallways seemed almost unnaturally quiet.

It was unexpectedly empty too, although Levi was sure it won’t last for long.

Without wasting another moment, he headed to the dungeons. The lone guard that still stood there, protecting god knows what, at the sight of Levi raised his arm in salute.

“Captain Ackerman!” he shouted with no small amount of relief. “We were looking for you, General Yeager needs you—”

The words slowly died on his throat, as he took a better look at Levi’s face.

“Captain?” the guard asked cautiously. “Your face… Did you already engage in a fight? Are you hurt?”

“Get lost,” Levi growled, pushing past him. “Go and hide somewhere, wait until the fighting is over. Don’t throw away your life for this country,” his face changed, a shadow passing through it. “It’s not worth it.”

Without another glance at the soldier, Levi opened the large metal door and walked in.

She must be still here. Thankfully, she was.

***

In the silence of the dungeons, the sound of a key turning and the lock opening was loud like a gunshot.

It had Hange bolting up from her place at the bed.

“Levi!” she exclaimed, relief and happiness mixing in her voice.

“Get out.” He rasped, hollow and lifeless.

“Levi?” she approached him, cautiously, like a cornered, wounded animal. “What—”

“Get out!” he yelled. “While you still can.”

The thundering noise of heavy footsteps sounded up above them. The soldier, guarding the entrance, had probably reported to someone the news about his arrival. That, or they have already found the body in his apartment.

Either way, he was already done for. After murdering a war general, there was only one way for him to go.

And he’d rather get hanged, knowing that he did at least one good thing in his life.

The irony of it all was laughable. Always praised for his loyalty and obedience, he ended up as a traitor.

Like uncle, like nephew.

“Levi, what happened?” Hange stood right in front of him, so close he could feel her breath on his cheek. She watched him, her eye shining with worry. “There’s blood on your face…”

“Not mine,” he answered, staring at the wall behind her shoulder with glassy, distant gaze.

“Thank gods…” she muttered, cradling his face in her hands. Using the sleeve of her shirt, she did her best to wipe the blood from his cheeks and jaw.

Levi didn’t look at her even once.

“Hey…” Hange tried again, moving even closer, her thumb absentmindedly brushing his cheekbone. “Levi, talk to me, please. What happened?”

“Go,” he wanted to push her away, but Hange didn’t sway, a look of stubborn determination taking over her features.

“I won’t go anywhere, until you tell me what happened.”

The footsteps became louder, soon they would reach the dungeon. He needed to get rid of Hange before that happens.

“My mother…” he whispered, shutting his eyes close. The mere memory of her body lying in a pool of her own blood brought him an immense amount of pain. It felt like someone had stuck a knife in his chest and turned it, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out.

“Oh, Levi,” Hange wrapped herself around him, burying her nose in his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. Who did that? Was it—”

“No,” he shook his head. “She was killed by Marleyan. And I killed him.”

“That won’t go unpunished,” Hange carefully said, still holding him in her arms.

“I know. And I don’t care.”

“I do,” she said suddenly, the fierceness of her voice surprising Levi. “Go with me.”

“What?” Levi took a step back, staring at Hange with wide eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“There is nothing keeping you here. And if you stay, they’ll put you in prison or worse. Run away with me, Levi.”

Her offer… was unexpected. He thought his life was already over, made his peace with that, but what Hange proposed… it didn’t sound that bad, not as bad as dying alone, at least.

If he accepted, he’d be able to find a purpose again. He’d finally get a friend.

He looked up at Hange. She was staring back at him, waiting for his answer. The footsteps up above stopped, and the voices appeared, Levi instantly recognized Zeke and Floch. They were close, possibly just behind the door.

Levi knew another way out, a hidden exit almost no one knew about. Hange could use it to escape, but she didn’t have much time.

Nevertheless, she didn’t falter. She didn’t glance back, didn’t fidget or sweat or tremble.

A force to be reckoned with, Levi remembered his own words.

“All this talk of running away…” he lifted his lips in a shadow of a smile. “Do you wish to recruit me so bad, Commander?”

“I told you, we could use your skills,” Hange answered, a smile breaking on her face as well. “So… are you interested in my offer?”

He reached out, grasped her hand in his and answered.

“I am.”

#just so you know this whole thing was created out of idea 'hey wouldn't levi look super hot in marleyan uniform?'#so you can imagine it's not super coherent #levihan #levihan fanfiction

244 notes · View notes

j-amespotter · 3 years

Text

★ mirrorball - j. p.

“i'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.”

Pairing: James Potter x Gryffindor!Reader

x. x. x.

Summary: James Potter has only ever had one girl on his mind. You’ve always known that. You decide it’s time for a new haircut.

Genre/Warnings: slight angst/FLUFF, insecurity (?)

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: fluff?? from me??? who would have thought? first time writing for james! this is just me finding out lily had shoulder-length hair in ootp and rolling with it ;p let me know if you would like to be added to my taglist

masterlist

“Are you sure about this?” asked Mary Macdonald, a fellow sixth-year, close friend and roommate of yours.

Open scissors hovered around a section of your thick hair. You eyed yourself in the mirror contemplatively. “Positive,” you affirmed.

Mary shook her head disapprovingly and sighed. “If you insist. I really like your long hair, though.”

A small, almost-undetectable part of you agreed. “Change is always good.”

“For the right reasons,” retorted Mary. Nevertheless, she trimmed off the allotted portion of your hair. Gulping at the lopsided haircut, you knew there was no turning back. You assumed that cutting your hair to match Lily Evans’s new hairstyle was not what Mary considered to be “for the right reasons.”

“You know,” said Mary after snipping away in silence for a few minutes, “I think he likes you just the way you are.”

That’s the problem, you wanted to answer. I want more. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Mary glanced towards the door of their dormitory. “Copying Lily’s haircut is not the way to go about this, (Y/N),” she said in a hushed whisper.

Yes, it is. He chose her. “I’m not trying to copy Lily,” you hissed defensively. “I just wanted to try something different. And what better way to celebrate a Quidditch win than to debut a new haircut?”

Suddenly, you caught sight of a new face in the dormitory. With a quick glimpse of her, you couldn't help your defeated sigh. Lily Evans was bright and funny. She was the physical embodiment of sunshine, with hair the color of red wine and vivid green eyes. It was for these reasons and more that, unfortunately for you, Lily became the object of James Potter's affection, nearly as much as he was yours.

But even that was untrue. Your love for James, despite its unrequited nature, was different from his love for Lily. You and James were two sides of the same coin, just different enough to complement each other perfectly. It had been six years. The boy who had overpowered every waking thought of yours was yet to come to the same realization.

“Hey,” greeted Lily. “Great game today, (Y/N)! Party just started downstairs. What’s the hold-up?” She spotted the scissors in Mary’s hand and your sheepish gaze through the mirror. “Merlin, you cut your hair! It looks amazing!”

You wished you could hate her, but such was the unmistakable appeal of Lily Evans. “Thanks, Lily,” you said with what you hoped was a genuine smile. “I was freshening up. We thought I could use a little spruce.” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Mary turn away hastily.

“Well, hurry up and get changed! Everyone’s waiting,” Lily added with a cheeky smile, one you could not entirely understand.

You stood up, shaking the hair off of your uniform. With a silent incantation and a flick of your wand, it disappeared from the floor. Glancing at Lily, an idea popped into your head. “I just need to get changed. Lily, can I borrow that yellow dress of yours? The one with the daisies? You wore it at the last game and said I could try it on some time.”

Lily nodded, as unassuming as ever. You decidedly ignored Mary’s glare as you waited for the dress to make it into your hands.

☆

“Took you long enough,” teased Sirius as you sauntered down the stairs with Mary and Lily at your heels. As you reached the bottom of the steps, he peered closer at you. “You look different, (L/N).”

You grinned. “Good different? Or bad different?”

“Ask Potter,” said Lily from behind you.

Feeling the heat rise up your cheeks, you dismissed the supposedly good-natured comment. Instead, you took in your surroundings. An impressive display of scarlet and gold ornamented the common room. Your inner lioness roared in delight. As a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the best House team in Hogwarts history, you couldn’t help the immense pride awakening in your chest at your latest win. You closed your eyes. In an instant, you remembered the exhilarating feel of a soaring broomstick in the brisk air. You imagined yourself in perfect formation with your teammates, trailing after a flash of dark, ruffled hair. You looked into his resolute eyes as he seamlessly passed you the Quaffle.

“Did you cut your hair?” interrupted James’s silky voice.

You turned around with a dazed smile on your face. Meeting his unreadable gaze, you hummed affirmatively. “What d’you think?”

For an unknown reason, he seemed taken aback. Slowly, his eyes raked over your body, head to toe. “It’s pretty,” he said quietly. You didn’t respond immediately, confused by the sudden tortured expression on his face. “Isn’t it a bit cold for that outfit?”

You chuckled darkly. “That’s not what you said when Lily wore it last time.”

James stared at you open-mouthed. Without a word, he stalked away, joining Peter for a butterbeer in the corner of the room.

“What happened?” asked Lily.

You stumbled backward. At this moment, you regretted wearing the high heels you found at the bottom of your trunk. “Nothing,” you snapped.

Lily raised her eyebrow. “There’s no need to take that tone with me,” she said coolly. “It’s not my fault both of you are completely blind.”

“You don’t have a clue, Evans,” you responded, involuntarily blushing at her veiled insinuation.

“I think I do. He has feelings for you, (Y/N).”

You laughed, though you found nothing funny about it. “He likes you, Lily.”

“Maybe,” said Lily, “but he’s in love with you. Everyone can see it.” She paused, placing a friendly hand on your shoulder. “Go talk to him.”

Not a single part of you wanted to have this conversation. As Lily walked toward a tired-looking Remus, you exhaled a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

Talk to him, said a firm voice in your head. Maybe he feels the same way.

Impossible. There was no way he could feel what you felt just thinking about him. Loving James was like flying. He was the adrenaline rush of being suspended in mid-air. He hit you with the speed of a Bludger whirring past your face. He was the Snitch that delicately fluttered in front of you, brushing your skin. He was the Quaffle that thumped perfectly in your hand.

You scanned the room for the hazel-eyed boy that owned your heart, only to discover that he had left Peter to his own devices. Something heavy settled in your stomach when you finally spotted him, seated on the space on the couch next to none other than Lily Evans. James chatted with her animatedly. You found no comfort in the tell-tale signs of her typical irritation.

Without a second glance, you tripped over your own two feet as you dashed for the portrait hole, wanting more than anything for fresh air and a free spot to scream yourself hoarse.

☆

It was by sheer stealth or unshakeable determination that you did not get caught. Students weren’t allowed on the Quidditch pitch without permission, but it was the only place you wanted to be. It was the only place you could bear to be.

You stood in the center of the pitch, hugging yourself as the prickly cold attacked you from all sides. You thought of lying down on the icy ground but knew not to subject yourself to any more physical agony.

Instead, you stood. You stood in heels that were tight around your ankles, sinking into the grass and bruising the underside of your feet. You stood in a strange, sleeveless dress in a January in the Highlands. Your eyes burned with tears that refused to fall.

Without warning, something feathery grazed your shoulder. Tilting your head slightly, you spotted a Golden Snitch. Gone rogue, you supposed to yourself. It floated at eye-level like a taunt. You reached forward and closed your fingers around it, surprised at the warmth the small object exuded.

“I should have you play Seeker,” uttered a familiar voice.

Startled, you whipped around, only to see nothing behind you. Having pivoted too fast, you felt yourself lose balance and topple backward, straight into the frosted grass you were avoiding.

Peeling off his Invisibility Cloak, James struggled to stop laughing long enough to help you up. Instead, he sat right next to you, wrapping the Cloak around both himself and your blueing body.

“You’ll ruin it,” you warned, teeth chattering.

“It can take it,” he assured. “You’re missing the party.”

“It’s your party, Captain.”

James shook his head. “It’s our party. We’re a team, you and me.”

You didn’t have anything to say to that. The two of you sat in silence, your hand still clutching the Snitch.

“You were so tall,” said James unexpectedly. “In your shoes.”

“I’m not even sure they’re mine,” you said lightly.

“No, they aren’t, are they?”

You didn’t answer. You pulled the Cloak tighter around you, unknowingly pulling James and all of his accompanying body heat along with it. The two of you were so close. You could see every speck of gold in his eyes.

James tentatively lifted his hand and reached for the ends of your hair, twirling a piece around his finger. “Your hair grew back.”

You gasped. “How? I didn’t…”

Grinning, James gently tugged the strand, pulling your ear closer to his lips. “Magic,” he whispered.

“Idiot,” you said, playfully shoving his chest.

Like a magnet, he leaned towards you again. There you were, together, under his Cloak, beneath the stars, in your favorite place in the world. With a hand cupping your cheek, he pressed his lips against yours. You inhaled his earthy scent and melted in his slow, seemingly eternal kiss.

Reluctantly, you pulled away. Your foreheads were touching. His hand remained as it was, cradling your face. “That was…”

“Breathtaking,” finished James without hesitation.

“Yes, it was,” you said, nodding fervently. “But James… what about Lily?”

He frowned. “What about her?”

“You’ve liked her for ages, James–”

“Stop,” he interrupted firmly. “This is our moment, (Y/N). I like you, and I think I always have. Scratch that… I liked Evans. But I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Your eyes widened in genuine surprise. “You are?”

“You’re my best friend,” said James. “I’ve been running away from it for so long. I didn’t mean to hurt you (Y/N). But I want to spend every waking moment with you. I can’t stop thinking about you even when I try.”

“But… I’m just me, James. Little old me.”

“Exactly. I don’t want you to be any different, (Y/N). Not for me,” he added sincerely. “I’m in love with you exactly the way you are. I’ll love you no matter how you look. But you shouldn't change who you are because of me.”

“Bighead,” you teased, swallowing the lump in your throat, “thinking it’s just for you.”

He smiled. James Potter was in love with you: the girl in an oversized Quidditch uniform, her hair cascading behind her, one that could easily deliver a kick in the shins in her trusty trainers. James loved your unfailing wit and uncontrollable nervous energy. He loved the way he felt when he looked at you. He loved the sound of your giggly cheers when you were both in the air. Most of all, he loved the way your lips felt on his. “Your hair grew back,” he repeated, this time with awe he couldn’t conceal.

“Guess we’re one crazy-haired couple,” you joked.

“I like the sound of that,” said James, pressing a kiss against your temple.

You snuggled into him, frozen temperatures now trivial. “I’m keeping the heels, though. I like being tall.”

James snorted. “If you can walk in them.” He proceeded to slip out of the Cloak, stand, and put on a very realistic show of twisting his own ankle.

“Shut up,” you said as he slid back in, snickering uncontrollably. Releasing the Snitch from your grip, you kissed him hard as it flapped in front of you.

Without tearing his lips away, James reached for the Snitch and pocketed it. “I love you,” he whispered against your mouth.

“I love you,” you said, tasting the words on your tongue for the first time, “but if we stay out here, I’ll freeze.”

“Let’s go have our own fun,” said James with another kiss and a wink to follow. “I could get used to this, you know.”

“Me too, Captain. Me too.”

Taglist: @iwritesiriusly @mads-bri @she-seeks-magic @sarcasticallywitty15

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aus-wnt · 3 years

Note

https://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/football/matildas/matildas-v-uswnt-sam-kerr-and-kristie-mewis-reunited-on-the-pitch/news-story/00f3d66a6481f7e8f753e37aeaa0fa41?amp

I don’t have a Abo..

They might not be able to catch up off the pitch but star football couple Sam Kerr and Kristie Mewis will be reunited on the field when the Matildas take on the USA in a friendly this weekend.

It is the first time in 21 years the two time reigning FIFA Women’s World Cup winners have been on Australian soil. The last time was when they won silver at the 2000 Sydney Olympics. The USA women’s football team will play two friendlies against the Matildas, the first on Saturday. Kerr, who plays for Chelsea in the Women’s Super League in England, and Mewis, a Houston Dash star, officially announced their relationship in August following the conclusion of the Tokyo Olympics.

Mewis then shared a photo of herself and Kerr kissing in the pool. “Kerrching,” Mewis captioned the photo of the pair soaking up the sun on a novelty pool floatie with a drink in hand.

It is believed the couple jetted off to a luxury resort in Miami for some much deserved R & R after the Olympics.

Matildas look set to field an experienced line up as they chase the side’s second ever victory against the USA in 31 years- featuring star forward and captain Sam Kerr, Emily van Egmond, Ellie Carpenter, Tameka Yallop and Steph Catley.

Hayley Russo and Emily Gielnik have been recalled after recent injuries.

The USA’s 22 player roster features 10 players from its Olympic bronze medal 4-3 playoff win against the Matildas as well as 12 players with less than 10 caps to their name- including five debutants.

Fan favourites Alex Morgan, Tobin Heath, Crystal Dunn, Megan Rapinoe and Kelly O’Hara missed out on boarding passes.

Kerr’s girlfriend and USA midfielder Mewis has been named in the squad.

Along with 36-year-old veteran defender Becky Sauerbrunn, Abby Dahlkemper and Emily Sonnett.

Sauerbrunn is the most experienced player to make the trip with 197 caps.

The group of forwards features just one Olympian in Lynn Williams, who had a goal and an assist in the quarterfinal victory over the Netherlands in Japan and who has 13 goals in her 43 career caps.

Head coach Vlatko Andonovski said leaving some of “the bigger” names behind had nothing to do with Covid-19 restrictions and everything to do with the World Cup.

“We still have a few players out with injuries, so this roster is a mixture of players with a lot of experience in World Cups and Olympics, some who have been a part of the program for a while but who are looking to make their mark in international soccer and a few who are getting a first chance with the National Team in an event like this,” Andonovski said.

“We’ve turned the page towards 2023 World Cup qualifying and rarely do we get the chance to test young players in environments filled with adversity, so we need to take advantage of what these two games will offer us.

“It’s exciting to get a chance to see all these players together in our environment and give them a chance to play against one of the best teams in the world.”

The two matches will be Matildas’ coach Tony Gustavsson’s last to see his players up close before he must select a squad for the AFC Women’s Asian Cup.

The first match will be played on Saturday at Stadium Australia at 3pm (AEDT).

#Sam Kerr #Kristie Mewis #Matildas #AUSWNT #USWNT #Hayley Russo 😒#not the best piece of journalism this

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shoichee · 3 years

Note

potential juicy part 3: when they meet akashi again at the winter cup, reader, who now "hates" him, disrespects him to his face + pretends she doesn't care. but after kuroko reveals the whole story the night before rakuzan game, she's forced to confront the truth + they go all out against him (and win ofc) so akashi, now back to being akashi, confesses to reader, ig reader finally tells him what happened? (did i just write a wholeass fic in your askbox i am so sorry) btw tysm for the part 1!!

LMAOO THE WHOLEASS FIC SENT ME HELPP you snapped off in your request i can only deliver justice.... did i just listened to some KNB openings on repeat to manifest myself to pretend I’m the characters so I can accurately write them?.......... n-no...... part 1 here and part 2 here ^^ AND part 4 here

Akashi x f!Reader (but 99% g/n)

Part 3

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

shortly after Rakuzan’s victory against Shuutoku, the Rakuzan starters were walking together in the hallway to their lockers when you were blocking the way, hogging up the vending machines in the middle of the hallway to buy your teammates refreshments and snacks and then shoving them into your small backpack

Hayama impatiently yells at you to scram and Mayuzumi gives his own condescending comment, and you immediately looked up to see the infamous team

you instantly freeze up when you see Akashi in the back of the group just wordlessly staring as usual, and you just stay at your spot completely still for a while

“... Girl! Are you even listening?! Are you dumb or deaf?”

“That’s no way to speak to a girl!”

“Ow! But Reo-nee…”

“Maybe she just needs to eat? She’s probably hungry.”

“Ugh, no one else is like you, you know!”

“Tch.”

Mayuzumi merely frowns before he casually looks behind to see a rather intense aura emanating from Akashi, which is quite rare considering that you were a nobody compared to him and you weren’t someone who threatened him in any way… unless that was actually the case? but he merely observes from the shadows

“Move. You’re in the way.”

you incredulously stand up straight from his words and point a finger at him:

“I-I… I can’t believe it! This is the first thing you say to me after all this time?! Everything that happened at Teiko… was… was all your fucking fault! I hope the final game becomes your own downfall, you fucking jerk! And I hope I never see you again after tomorrow night.”

by now, you were hyperventilating from shouting at him, and the teammates were stunned… and absolutely fearful, their gazes darting back to Akashi to see his chilling gaze at you, looking quite calm

“How laughable. You haven’t changed at all, (y/n). You can believe in Seirin’s basketball all you want, say all you want, but it’s all pointless. Rakuzan will achieve victory like it always has. Now step aside.”

you only gape your mouth as you furiously huff and aggressively grab your packed bag and run, but as you dash away, you slightly stumble from the dizziness you felt from the emotional stress

ngl, Reo and Nebuya kinda pitied you watching you run

when you were gone from his field of vision, Akashi merely tells them to move onto the lockers and acts like nothing ever happened

you’ve practically convinced yourself that you truly hated Akashi for hurting Kuroko and destroying teamplay at Teiko… but in truth, you were only using him as a scapegoat to get over your unrequited feelings for him // of course the deepest part of you knew that the adults were responsible, and you knew that Akashi fulfilled his role of captain to the very end (while you meanwhile still had lingering feelings of self-doubt in your work ethic all this time)

while you were extremely happy for the Seirin team for making it to Winter Cup finals, you were so ashamed to even have the fleeting thought that you wanted Seirin to lose in the semi-finals so you didn’t have to face Akashi again

the late evening before the game tomorrow, Kuroko was in the mostly empty stadium, mostly because he wanted to reminisce about the old times before he faces Rakuzan tomorrow

it was a very unfortunate coincidence that Akashi was also there to survey the court for a moment before the game tomorrow

both of them held a long moment of eye contact before Kuroko decides to call him out

“Akashi-kun.”

“Tetsuya.”

“Have you ever had fun playing with Rakuzan?”

“To think that I had a fleeting thought of you asking me a different question this time. I can never understand how you’re fixated on such a pitiful ideal.”

“... Then… have you always felt this way even since the beginning of Teiko?” Akashi merely narrows his eyes at Kuroko

“Get to the point.”

“I’ve just been… wondering, that’s all.”

“Then I will not dally here further just to have a reunion about the past.” Akashi turns around to leave and walks a few steps before Kuroko calls out to stop him in his tracks

“... I want to ask you about (y/n)-san.” He merely watches Akashi slightly turning his head around before continuing. “What do you think about her?”

“She was Teiko’s head manager. How else did you think my opinion was, Tetsuya? She, just like Daiki, just like everyone else, was an asset to achieving victory. I will not repeat myself again.”

“Akashi-kun, with your Emperor Eye, surely you would’ve noticed something was amiss with (y/n)-san for a while now.” Akashi turns completely around with an impassive gaze

“Broken plates can still function fine. It’s no different with Daiki.” Kuroko grows furious for your sake

“H-How… how can you say that? Do you know how much she’s overworked herself and collapsed throughout these past months for the sake of our team? Did you even know how much of our own 1st-string players were belittling her despite her continuing to give it her all? She cared for our team—she cared for you! She didn’t even want to let you know what was going on behind your back to not burden you any further—and for you to only chalk her up as a tool—”

Akashi is slightly taken back at the sudden info dump/confession from Kuroko, struggling to process the new information… but his face gives little away; Kuroko continues on:

“We’re going to win tomorrow. I swear that Seirin will win against Rakuzan.”

“... It will be intriguing to see you try.” Akashi turns to finally exit out, leaving Kuroko simmering in his thoughts alone (excluding a few janitors) for a few minutes before he exits the stadium himself

in seeing you again the next day, Kuroko immediately notices how antsy you got and even offered to give you the massages to get rid of your own stress knots AND YOU INSTANTLY FEEL WARM BECAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM YOUR TECHNIQUES SO LONG AGO, AND HE STILL REMEMBERS

you confide in Kuroko as he works out the knots, confessing that you don’t want to be there at the final game but you didn’t want to be selfish and ditch the team, especially since everyone made you feel like you mattered to the team (and you told him about your incident with Akashi yesterday too)

Kuroko shares his own fears and unresolved feelings to you to show that you weren’t alone in feeling uneasy (although he doesn’t share the info that he met up with Akashi)

wholesome friendship moment #753358

the talk made you made up your resolve, and you tell him that you were going to be there at the front bench to support Seirin like you’ve always done, but you do make a request for him to make an excuse for you in case you chicken out and flee mid-game or something

Kuroko agrees and to make you feel better, he proposes for you to focus on him throughout the game so you don’t have to look at Akashi; he knows you still harbor feelings for the Rakuzan captain

while the Seirin starters were warming up, you opted to survey the building interior to find the best route around… just in case if you wanted to flee // you meet Kaijo’s team by coincidence, and Kasamatsu ushers the rest of the team forward to leave you and Kise alone

Kise affectionately ruffles your hair and wishes you and Seirin good luck but also notices how anxious you look; this idiot slaps your back to calm you down LOL

“(y/n)-cchi! What are you so nervous for?”

“Ow! What the hell?”

“O-Ow, ow! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hit that hard—can you please let go?!”

“It’s been a while since I shoulder-locked you, huh…”

“Well, I certainly don’t miss it! You’re so cruel!”

and you only give him an all-knowing look at his “cruel” comment, and Kise panics again at his usual poor word choice… but you merely laugh at his distress

unintentionally, Kise does end up being the one to help you clear up the bundles of nerves… he’s still really worried for you because he definitely can see how you’re still hung up on Akashi

at the same time, when Seirin was watching Rakuzan team members do perfect layups, getting nervous about the game, you were a nervous wreck in your own world at the bench, triple-checking everything and giving massages to Teppei to relieve his knee pain for the time being

throughout the game, Akashi does throw a casual glance at you here and there when no one’s really looking, and meanwhile, you’re incredibly fixated on Kuroko (doing what he told you so you wouldn’t be tempted to look at Akashi)

a lot of your attention was on Furihata anyways because you were focused on massaging particular areas to reduce the physical stress exerted on them during the game

part of Akashi wants to go all out and win this game not only to prove you and Kuroko wrong, but also to impress you, but that’s something his true self feels (who is dormant in his subconscious) rather than his current self… but it’s still there

the moment you broke was when the Akashi you knew and liked finally returned to the court, and you immediately excused yourself to the empty infirmary room to bawl your eyes out and put yourself together; you tell yourself that it’s just another tactic of Akashi and return to the game right when Seirin makes their game point

Oreshi gave 100% in battling against Seirin but occasional glances constantly were shot over to Seirin’s bench to look for you, but you were gone at the last part of the game until at the very end

after the team lineups and trophy distributions, you immediately run outside of the stadium for crisp night air, heaving in as much as you could to try to prevent your body from having any funny ideas of dying on the spot

“... (l/n)-san.”

from his voice, you knew it was Akashi, and you debated on running as fast as you can but the current state of your body didn’t make it a viable option; you opted to stand still quietly, your back still facing him

“(/n)-san,” Akashi softly says again, slowly walking up to you and stopping four meters behind you to give you reasonable space in the confrontation

“... I hate you, you know that? Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want to see you again after this game?”

“Kuroko disclosed to me what happened.”

“He what?!” In your shock, you whirl around to face Akashi, only to be stunned to see his gentle eyes filled with guilt and worry

“... I want to give you my sincerest apology for everything I’ve done and for what I didn’t do for you. In seeing how the Generation of Miracles had their talents bloomed substantially at a rapid rate, I had believed chasing for absolute victory was the only way to hold us together. Teamwork was nigh impossible given that we had no equal rivals from the outside. Even if that was the only plausible option to take as captain, I still failed Teiko’s other members, including you. To think that I was foolish in letting go what was most important to me.”

he gives a deep bow, further shocking you of your wits

“I…” You pause before you frown. “What did Kuroko even tell you?”

Akashi tells you exactly what Kuroko said and you immediately deny it

“Th-That’s… I only worked hard to get better, so I wouldn’t get left behind. Our old teammates were a testament that I was lacking, and I tried hard to catch up to everyone. I only collapsed due to my own irresponsibility. No matter how much I tried, I could never reach up to everyone’s level, even until now.”

“That’s not the whole truth isn’t it, (l/n)-san?” You widen your eyes at his statement, worried about the insinuation of his words

Oreshi now was not the same Oreshi back in Teiko; he’s now much sharper when it comes to you; he senses that there was something else amiss

“Why didn’t you tell me about what happened back at Teiko? Did you feel that you couldn’t rely on me as a captain?” Akashi sounds hurt… really hurt

you, taken back, immediately were quick to answer:

“N-No! If anything, I… I didn’t want you to look at me in a lesser light if you ever found out that our members started losing faith in me, and I… I wanted to be dependable like everyone else on the team! And if I was reliable, you would be able to depend on me like you used to in the very beginning…”

“(l/n)-san,” Akashi mumbles with upturned brows. “You’ve always been viable to me and the team. Why do you go through such lengths?” Your tears burst forth uncontrollably before you choked out:

“Because I liked you! You were so accomplished and reputable…! I had always th-thought that deep down, i-if I kept improving myself, that you’d notice me in the way I saw you!” Both you and Akashi widened your eyes at what you just said

well shit, maybe now is a good time to run? but before you even had any other ideas, Akashi steps forward to gently clasp your wrist

“... How do you feel about me now?” You obviously hesitate and look down at your clasped wrist, tears still streaky on your face, and at your silence, Akashi continues. “If you truly despise me… I understand. I won’t bother you anymore after tonight… But please believe me (l/n)-san, when I say…”

he moves from your wrist to your hand, taking his other hand to bring up both your hands in a delicate clasp

“... that I’ve always been fond of you, ever since the beginning.”

“You’re lying.”

“I am not, (l/n).” To prove his point, Akashi places a tentative ghost kiss on his hands holding yours, wary in trying not to overstep his boundaries in case you didn’t want your hands to be kissed by him; he leaves his lips there before he murmurs

“... How can I make it up to you?” You feel his soft breath reverberating through your own hands, and it felt so sincere

“Well… for starters, I want to know the Akashi outside of basketball…” He lets go of your hands and gives a small smile

“Then it would be more appropriate to call me Seijurō, don’t you think?”

“Ah… then… you can call me by my first name too.”

“(y/n)... please don’t hesitate to come to me when anything troubles you.”

“I’ll try.”

“And please don’t overwork yourself. It’s not good for you.”

“I’m not making promises.”

“I do hope that in time you’ll come to realize that you’re an extremely talented person… quite a force to be reckoned with too.”

“Was the second half an innuendo of some sorts?”

“You don’t meet someone everyday who wouldn’t hesitate to cuss out the Rakuzan captain while pointing at his face.”

“I…! I’m sorry! I spoke out of—” He puts a finger to your lips with a teasing smile before he grows serious

“I must also apologize for my cruel words…

… I hope that you would find it in yourself to forgive all of my own misdeeds.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumble. “Maybe that will happen sooner than later because I do… like you.”

“It’s nice to hear a confirmation from you.”

“Stop acting like you got me figured out, Seijurō!”

“I wouldn’t dare, (y/n).”

bonus: imagine the shock from Seirin and Rakuzan to see you two DATING (when that eventually happens), like Hayama is losing his entire MIND over this it’s SO FUNNY LMAO // Kuroko and Kise are so smug and happy for you two it’s very wholesome

The… end?

UPDATE: sike, by the time you read this, there is a part 4 epilogue

#knb #knb x reader #knb headcanon #knb headcanons #knb teiko #teiko #akashi seijuro #akashi x reader #akashi seijuro x reader #kuroko tetsuya #kise ryota #kise ryouta #rakuzan #teiko middle school

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just-dreaming-marvel · 3 years

Text

It’s Always Been You ~ 144

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,660ish

Summary: The time travel mission gets started.

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time.

“I’m going to look the suits over one last time before looking my reactor over,” Tony whispered to Y/N. “Are you going to be okay alone for a little while?”

“I’ll be fine,” she responded. “I need some time alone anyway.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

They shared a brief kiss before Tony headed for the lab and Y/N went outside. She was craving a run, wanting time to short through her thoughts. She began with a slow jog, slowly increasing her speed the more she thought about everything that had happened and could possibly happen.

Rounding the track for the seventh time, she noticed Steve waiting. She rolled her eyes and pushed herself to run faster passed him. Too bad Y/N wasn’t a super soldier too, he quickly caught up with her.

“We need to talk,” Steve said, running beside her.

“I’m done talking,” she retorted, trying to push herself harder.

Steve sighed and easily caught up with her again. “Well I’m not. Can you stop for a second?”

“No.”

“Y/N, I just want to talk.”

“And I don’t want to listen.”

“Please.”

“Steve, I really don’t want to do this—“

“I’m sorry.”

Those words had Y/N skidding to a sudden stop. She was panting, too shocked to turn around. As soon as the words left his mouth, Steve had stopped. They were a few feet apart, but it felt like miles.

“What?” Y/N breathed out, slowly turning around.

“I’m sorry,” her brother repeated. “And in saying that, I know that it’s not enough. But… I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for exactly? Bringing me along with you back in the 40s? Me waking up before you? You not accepting that I’m different now then I was, and that’s okay? Or for you not trusting me? For doubting me?”

“For all of it. I’m sorry that I brought you along on that world tour. I’m sorry that you fell from the ship and I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry that you had to spend years without any family members, believing that Bucky and I were dead. I can’t—“ He shook his head. “I can’t even imagine how lonely that felt. Because I woke up and I still had you. Though, you had changed…. And I’m sorry for not accepting it sooner. I… I guess I’m just hurt because you kept those things for me. Out of all people, you kept all these things from me, your twin. Your abilities, Coulson, your knowledge of the Stones… you knew so much, yet you didn’t share it…. And… And I guess I’m jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“You’ve found someone who loves you and fights for you. And you fight for equally in return. You guys lean on each other through everything, which is so admirable. And you have Morgan, who is the greatest thing. I love her so much.”

“She loves you too.”

“I want what you have… and I haven’t been able to find it. It’s killing me… the only person who I’ve ever wanted a family with was Peggy. And that’s not an option.”

“You’ll find someone better than her. I know it’s hard to believe, but you will.”

“I’m sorry, for everything. I really am.” Y/N was hesitant to believe Steve, and he could tell. “I don’t want to go into tomorrow, whatever may happen, without having cleared things up with you. I don’t want to do tomorrow without you knowing that I do love you and I do trust you…. Can you forgive me?”

Y/N bit her lips and looked away, trying to keep the emotions at bay and failing. She looked back at her brother and took a deep breath. “Yes… I forgive you.”

Steve rushed up and bear hugged his sister. She quickly wrapped her arms around him as well.

“I’m so sorry,” Steve whispered.

“I know,” she replied. “I am too. Let’s try and not be at each other’s throats constantly.”

“I think I can do that.” He pulled away, still holding onto her arms. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Putting up with me.”

“Well, I haven’t exactly made it easy on you either.”

“Right. Have you called Morgan yet tonight?”

“I haven’t, but she’s probably already in bed.”

“Do you think we could try? I want to see her, before anything happens tomorrow.”

“Good thing I have her on the line right here, Cap,” Tony stated, walking towards the twins.

“Uncle Steve!!!” Morgan squealed from the phone.

“Mo!!” Steve quickly swiped the phone from Tony. “How’s my favorite niece doing?”

“Good! Happy and Pepper let me swim in the lake today!”

“What?!” Y/N exclaimed, pushing to get into the view of the camera. “It’s October!”

“I didn’t— Morgan give me the phone,” Happy ordered. He swiped it from the little girl. “We didn’t let her! She snuck out.”

“Way to go, Mo!” Tony cheered.

Y/N smacked his arm. “Don’t encourage this,” she scolded.

“Sorry.”

“I’m sorry, momma,” Morgan said sadly, taking the phone back from Happy.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Y/N replied. “I just don’t want you to get sick. Okay?”

“Okay… when are you and daddy coming home?”

Y/N made eye-contact with the men surrounding her before looking back at her daughter. “Hopefully tomorrow night, or the next day.”

“Yay! Will Uncle Steve be coming with you?” Y/N looked at Steve.

“Of course,” Steve answered. “I need some time with my biggest fan.”

“Yay!!!!!”

“Okay,” Tony took the phone, “it’s time to go to bed, little miss. We love you.”

“Love you 3000!”

“Love you baby,” Y/N said as Tony hung up the phone. “This is going to work, right?” She looked at the men, pleading with her eyes. “We’re going to get the Stones, bring everyone back, and no one is going to die…. Right?”

Tony cupped her face and her hands when to grab onto his wrists. “Nothing is going to happen,” Tony promised her. “We are all going to be okay. And we,” he paused for a brief kiss on her lips, “are going to get back to Morgan safely.”

“Tony’s right,” Steve agreed. Tony broke contact with Y/N’s face, bringing an arm around her waist and pulling her into his side. “We’re going to get through this.”

“I hope so,” she whispered.

~~~

Tony and Y/N said goodnight to Steve and headed straight for their room. The door had barely shut before Tony had her up against the wall and his tongue in her mouth. Y/N willing grasped onto him, letting him take control.

“I love you,” he murmured against her as they worked together to tear their clothes off. “I love you… I love you.”

“Are you trying to make up for us not having sex when we said we would?” She panted ever so slightly.

“Maybe,” he smirked, lifting her up. “Or maybe, I just want to show my wife how much I love her before we head off to the past tomorrow.” He gently laid her on the bed and he knelt over her. He ran his fingers down the side of her face. “I love you,” he repeated.

“And I love you… now, are we doing to do it? Or are you going to make me beg?”

~~~

The Team could feel the weight of their mission when they woke up in the morning. Getting geared up, everyone checked everything over numerous times. Scared to over look anything. The Team headed to the platform together, with Steve leading the charge. Bruce stopped at the control panel as the rest walked up onto the platform. They each took a position around where the opening would be, Y/N in the middle of Steve and Tony. They all looked at their Captain to say something before they headed off. With a sigh and a second to get his thoughts together, Steve began:

“Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends… We lost family… We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know. But it doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're gonna win.” Looking passed Y/N, Steve and Tony shared a look. “Whatever it takes. Good luck.”

“He’s pretty good at that,” Rocket commented.

“Right?” Scott agreed.

“Alright. You heard the man,” Tony said. “Stroke those keys, jolly green.”

“Tractors engaged,” Bruce responded.

Tony reached over to Y/N and tugged her into him, landed a loving kiss on her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she responded.

Bruce joined them on the platform and the quantum realm opened up. Tony and Y/N separated, looking down at the swirling colors. Natasha was smiling excitedly.

Turning to Steve, she said, “See you in a minute.”

Steve gave her a small smile in response before the Team’s helmets formed and they shrunk, entering the quantum realm. They were all together at first, until their GPS’ split the groups up to where they were heading. Tony, Steve, Y/N, Bruce, and Scott landed in New York 2012, in the midst of the Battle of New York. Their suits disappeared and Y/N immediately gasped loudly, stumbling back. Tony and Steve were quickly at her side to stable.

“Honey? Honey, talk to me,” Tony urged as Y/N’s breathing matched her rapid heartbeat. “What’s going on?”

“Th-The Stones,” she gasped. She could feel the connection forming once again. “They… I can…”

“Can you control them?” Steve questioned, trying to see if he could see what Y/N was trying to get at.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you need to sit down?” Tony wondered.

“I’ll be fine. I just…” The buzzing began, making Y/N cringe. “I just need a second. But you guys can start without me. It shouldn’t be hard for me to catch up.”

“You sure?” Steve asked.

“I’m sure.”

“Alright then, we all have our assignments. Two Stones uptown, one Stone, down. Stay low. Keep an eye on the clock.”

Suddenly 2012 Hulk passed by their alleyway, smashing everything along his way. Bruce put his hand on his face, embarrassed. Steve looked at him.

“Feel free to smash a few things along the way,” Steve said.

“I think it’s gratuitous, but whatever,” Bruce muttered. He looked Y/N’s way. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” she responded. She leaned over and kissed Tony, pulling him closer by his neck. “Please be save.”

“Always,” he smirked. The two shared one last kiss before Y/N broke off and headed Bruce’s way.

“Need a lift?” Bruce asked, tearing off his shirt.

“Nah,” she grinned, opening a portal behind her. “I think I have a better way.”

“Jealous!” Scott exclaimed. “Do we have to— Ahh!!”

Scott failed to finish what he was saying, due to the fact that Y/N had opened portals beneath the others. She waved and blew a kiss as they fell through, landing them behind the Tower. She chuckled as she went through her portal, Bruce following. Closing the portal, Y/N and Bruce looked to see that they were in the Sanctum where they had met Dr. Strange.

“Hello?” Y/N said. “Is anyone—ah!”

Her trick was played on her and Bruce. The two of them falling through a portal and onto the roof.

“Careful,” the Ancient One warned. “I just had the floors waxed.”

“I’m looking for Doctor Strange,” Bruce said, him and Y/N standing up.

“You’re about… five years too early. Stephen Strange is currently performing surgery about twenty blocks that way.” She pointed. “But you should have known that already.” She looked right at Y/N. “What do you want from him?”

“That, actually.” Bruce pointed towards the necklace around her neck.

“Ah! I’m afraid not.”

“Sorry, but I wasn’t asking.”

“Maybe we should—“

“You don’t want to do this,” the Ancient One interrupted Y/N.

“Ah, you’re right, I don’t,” Bruce responded. He made a grab from he necklace. “But we need that Stone, and we don’t have time to beat it—“

The Ancient One quickly pushed Bruce’ astral form out of his body. Bruce, who now looked more human, stared at the Ancient One horrified.

“Let’s start over,” the Ancient One said, “shall we?”

“You know who I am?” Y/N asked.

“I do. But, do you know who are?”

“I’m getting there. And I’m so sorry to bug, but we really need that Time Stone.”

“No.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I do.”

“Then you know why we need it.”

“Still, a no."

“Please, please,” Bruce, still in astral form, begged.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you two. If I give up the Time Stone to help your reality, I’m dooming my own.”

“With all due respect, I’m not sure the science really supports that.”

The Ancient One created a projection of a long ray, simulating the flow of time. Projections of the Stones hovered above it.

“The Infinity Stones create what you experience as the flow of time. Remove one Stone and that flow splits,” she explained before she plucked the Time Stone projection away and pointed at the diverging line. “Now, this may benefit your reality, but my new one… not so much. In this new branched reality, without our chief weapon against the forces of darkness, our world will be overrun. Millions will suffer. So, tell me, can your science prevent all that?”

“No, but we can erase it,” Bruce retorted. “Because once we are done with the stones, we can return each one to its own timeline at the moment it was taken. So, chronologically,” he held the Time Stone projection, “in that reality,” he set it back, “it never left.” The diverging line disappeared.

“But you are leaving out the most important part. In order to return the Stones, someone would have to survive.”

“We will. I will. I promise.”

“I can’t risk this reality on a promise. It is the duty of the Sorcerer Supreme to protect the Time Stone.” She turned away.

“Then, why the hell did Strange give it away?”

She turned back, shocked. “What did you say?”

“Strange, he gave it away,” Y/N repeated, surprised that the Ancient One didn’t know since she seemed to know everything. “He gave it to Thanos.”

“Willingly?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“We have no idea,” Bruce answered. “Maybe he made a mistake.”

“Or I did.” She returned Bruce into his body and opened her necklace, revealing the Time Stone. “Strange is meant to be the best of us.”

“Ancient One, please trust us,” Y/N pled. “I am realizing now you only know so much, but you know what I am meant to do. And I cannot do it without the Stones. They were destroyed and I have no access to them. We need the Stone so that we can bring everyone back and… and so that I can complete whatever calling the Stones have put upon me… Strange knew the calling as well. So he must have given the Time Stone away for a reason.”

“I fear you might be right.” She handed Y/N the Time Stone.

“I’m counting on you two. We all are.”

“Thank you.”

Y/N handed the Stone over to Bruce, who had something to put it in. Bruce nodded before pressing a button and disappearing. Before Y/N could follow after him, the Ancient One called out to her.

“Y/N.” Y/N stopped and turned. “Before you go, you might want to check on your husband and brother.”

“What? Is something wrong?”

“Just go to their meeting place. And, Y/N, be careful.”

next chapter >

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