#and it makes me grieve

[rupeewallet]

i jus....i just wanna have the pronounse of an inconcevieable monster

#walleta #forgive me #when i cry because i will never be anything than human #and even as a human i can't touch the ground anymore #the technology takes away soil #i can't rejoin earth digitally #and it makes me grieve #i'm not soberrrrrrrrr please forgive me

[dontbelasagne]

desperately need to do a presentation on why the Twelfth Doctors journey perfectly represents the transfem experience

their previous eleventh incarnation being suave and hypersexual (i know moffat is mostly to blame but!) is reminiscent of attempts to fit into heteronormative ideals of masculinity. whilst it is not completely insincere, there are obvious signs this does not fit you as a person, it is acted out of desperate need to being seen. as Vastra put it, eleven wore that face, and subsequently that form of masculinity, to be accepted. on becoming twelve, realising even an "idealised" masculinity does not inherently serve them, they retreated into themselves as a person for self-reflection and trying to understand why they feel so detached from who they are.

the "am i a good man" arc mirrors being closeted and having to present as something not inherently tied to your sense of self, but still wanting to be the best of your perceived gender as any failure could leave you spiralling into self-doubt about simply being like any other "man". you ignore your gender dysphoria/questioning by trying to claim a moralistic view of gendered expression. made even more clear by Twelve rejecting Clara's heroic view of them, establishing that even though they have made efforts to be a "good man", that is just a placeholder for their loss of identity.

Missy appearing as she does, who as a character serves as a parallel to The Doctor on what they could become, and her eventual arc in trying to become good is symbolic of the fear around transition regret that internalised transphobia can create when you are closeted. Missy never gives importance to their fem existence other than nonchalant jokes, rather showing a more free and expressive personality devoid of any frustration. this immediately dismisses the transphobic assumption that trans people are only focused on their gender. also, Missy representing trans femininity is inherently tied to chaos and upsetting the status quo, she is the embodiment of what society considers accepting your womanhood as someone previously labelled masculine. what many others, and The Doctor themselves, saw as a need for attention and senseless disruption is Missy not needing to serve a false version of who they are, that they can now focus on becoming whoever they want to be now without losing energy to performing a gender that society has imposed on you. Missy could never have made the decision to stand with The Doctor if she had not given importance to her own queerness.

it wasn't coincidence with meeting Bill, she was the perfect foil for The Doctor to finally let go of their anxious attachment to masculinity. i would even argue for the majority of s10, The Doctor is largely ambiguous in their gender identity and does not fit into any construction of masculinity or femininity. whilst they still present as something socially labelled as masculine, they do not internalise that gender expression. they are uncaring about and not needing the validity that comes with heteronormativity, and thus is free to finally accept the decision they have to make. as Bill says, it is so hard to let go of The Doctor, and that rings true for twelve themselves. but they begin to realise The Doctor can be anyone. yes, they are tired, it would be so easy to simply rest and not give value to who you can become. but choosing to let go of everything you once were to survive is better than oblivion. it is better to let go, to choose another lifetime where the only person that dies is your falsity, to finally get it right and choose kindness. for yourself and for those who you love. they regenerate, not just into another person, but into someone who (if only tv scripts...) can now move forward.

#can you tell the only thoughts i have are of twelve? #this is why im kind of disappointed with the thirteenth doctors arc #like sure they're allowed dimensions as a character and to have dark moments #but there was a chance to show the nuances with relearning how to live and accept joy for yourself #as someone who has grieved and suffered loss and is detached #i know these themes arent just about transhood but dont you think they fit so beautifully? #this makes me want to bounce off the walls #doctor who #dw #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #12th doctor #thirteenth doctor #jodie whittaker #13th doctor #long post

[muzzleroars]

descent from the cross

#ultrakill #gabriel #v1 #gabv1el #meant for this to be a break from making a comic #did NOT mean for it to have a full bg. sorry to rubens for copying his painting into this #it did make me think tho....of them living in heresy for short time early on #setting up in one of hell's cathedral's is one way to grieve #doodle tag

[wolfythewitch]

Thinking about lost works again

#i am grieving #this makes me so sad

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[p4nishers]

gays when they become widowers without even being in a relationship in the first place

#answer me this owen why would u make mobius look like a grieving husband. literally why. what even was the point #lokius #loki #mobius m mobius #loki spoilers #loki series #loki season 2

[bornonthesavage]

This is going to be a controversial post, but I find it very “interesting” how people are taking Ed’s storyline this season and projecting it onto Izzy. ED was the one who was suicidal. ED was the one who believed he was unlovable and unloved, and that he had to be something he didn’t want to be just to be a little bit accepted. ED was actively trying to die and get people to kill him because he was too scared to do it himself. ED was the one who was working through years of trauma to find a way to be happy with himself and learn that he is capable of being loved for who he is.

And yeah, Izzy has some of that as well. Though genuinely, that could be said for most of the characters. But it’s SO STRANGE how many people I see saying “Oh well I guess the message of the story is that if you’re suicidal then you should die.”

Like, please, learn some media literacy. Ed and his arc are RIGHT THERE. I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality where we all watched a different show. Why are you unable to relate to Ed? I’ve literally seen people say “Oh well I just don’t care about Ed.” Truly, why are you only able to relate to that storyline when it’s through the perspective of a white man?

I’m not trying to be antagonistic, but this is really bothering me.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd finale #ofmd season 2 #ofmd 2 #renew our flag means death #it’s just really bothering me #how people are erasing everything Ed went through #just so they can make things fit their narrative #you’re allowed to be sad and grieve Izzy #but stop erasing Ed to do it

[ohprcr]

[octopath traveler 2 spoilers]

if the gods are ever so merciful, then why did they take everything from me?

#octopath traveler 2 #octopath traveler 2 spoiler #spoiler #temenos mistral #crick wellsley #mine #LISTEN i finished the endgame (minus secret boss bc i have no chance against it lol) #since i'm playing as Temenos i think it's just fitting that the first and final fight are the same... like he is THE main character #man should be allowed to grieve more though so i'm doing just that #silly little game that makes me cry

[istayawakereading]

Kristen saying “Doubt has given me so much relief,” the montage of everyone outside of the briefcase scrambling to make things ok again (Sandra Lynn trying to save Lydia, Aelwyn desperately casting spells to help them) and then Cassandra hitting us with “If you remember me, I cannot be fully gone” was actually too much for me to emotionally handle, thanks 🫶

#immediately started crying #Kristen and Cassandra will never fail to make me cry #doubt being a tool for understanding and compassion and forgiveness and acceptance and #has started to heal something in me #and everything with the oblavati mori???? #always makes me think of grieving and remeberance #of keeping someone alive in our memories and our belief #wouldn’t be a d20 episode if it didn’t make me laugh my ass off and emotionally wreck me and make me question the foundations of my being #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #dimesnion 20 #fantasy high dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high spoilers #d20 fantasy high #fantasy high #dimension 20 fantasy high #dimension 20 fhjy

[rewritingcanon]

lily clocked james so bad with her ‘toerag’ comment he had to go on a whole redemption arc can we talk about that

#‘the worst she can say is no’ <- I KNOW FOR A FACT THATS WHAT SIRIUS TOLD HIS DELUSIONAL ASS 😭😭 #makes me CACKLE to this day #when a girl starts a sentence with ‘you think youre funny…’ know that youre about to be COOKED #and she clocked snape so bad it had him grieving for DECADES until he DIED 🤭 #aspire to be like lily 👍 #harry potter #hp #marauders #lily evans #jily #severus snape #marauders era #rewriting

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this #and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj #but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!! #I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written #there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone #and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost #and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again #but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same?? #they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem #not them* heck #it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself #where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’ #and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories #but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you #and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time #you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them #so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT #sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in #okay bai #bakugou treats! 🍬 #—new treat in the streets! 🍫

[clouvu]

I love them your honor

#genshin leaks #genshin impact #arlecchino #sandrone #arledrone #I HONESTLY DIDNT THINK I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE LONG HAIR ON ARLE BUT THEY REALLY DID SOMETHING BY GIVING HER A LOW PONYTAIL;;; #rika pokemon looking ass..... i love u sm #sandrone looks SO pretty too and I wasn't expecting her outfit to be as dark as it is #also curious about the lil key thing jammed into her back ngl she's like a lil wind up toy #LOWKEY kinda grieving over her being the size of a garden gnome tho #@ the other 5 tall woman model sandrone believers we lost #random observation but i like how in all of sandrone's appearances she either is making a neutral :I face or a :) face #despite this I still can and will draw her looking like she's constipated because it's funnier #her being officially short now only proves my point further because short people are closer to hell and thus angrier #just like me fr

[aloeverified]

daring being the equivalent to a pg-13 fuckboy was really funny, but i think it would've been so sad and compelling if he geniuely was in love with apple.

they know they're destined to be together, they grew up together and have talked about their relationship many times. they agreed to not date until their destiny takes its course, as apple is paranoid about messing with their story and doing anything ahead of time.

daring sees how hard she works and how far she goes to strive for perfection; following ever task her mother gives her, always being ontop of her studies, never missing a chance to be kind and help others. she inspires him to do the same; topping his sword-fighting classes, using his strength and athletic skills to help others, always seizing the chance to save the day and protect others.

daring falls more and more in love with her each passing year, whereas apple just keeps waiting for the feeling to come to her. she reasons that she doesn't feel anything for daring because he hasn't awoken her from her coma and swallow her worries.

many people still fall for daring, but he tells them his heart is taken and his destiny is sealed: apple white is the only girl for him, and it's his duty to stay loyal to his future wife.

perhaps apple even visits the charming kingdom often, under the guise of spending time with her future in-laws to get away from the heavy pressure she faces at home. she grows closer with darling during these times, who admires apple and her ability to be satisfied with the royal life and expectations she has as a princess.

i think daring could still have a few small and tender moments with other girls, such as his admiration for cerise — but he does his best to push those feelings aside, maybe even feels guilty for them.

it's only after he fails to awaken apple in dragon games, where he is able to start his process on moving on. he agonizes over not being her prince, as it changes everything he knows: his destiny, his true love, and even the fact that he would participate in an out of destiny romance (something so taboo to a royal such as himself).

when finally given the chance to do so, daring asks apple if she loves him — if she ever had or ever could, in the same way he loves her. they have a long conversation, one that ends with both of them in tears. apple does daring, but she's not in love with him. she's always known there was something different about her when she didn't long for her prince charming like other princesses did, and now thanks to darling, she knows why.

daring learns how to move on. it's a tedious process, and one that hurts, but he moves on. and so does apple. he still loves her, and she still loves him. only now, they also love themselves.

#i hope this doesn't come across as me trying to make daring the victim in the situation where apple is a lesbian #i just think that with all the topics eah talks about it would also be really interesting to see how they handle moving on from #being in love with someone #and respecting their boundaries as well as understanding that no one owes you reciprocation #not only that but i feel like a lot of people overlook how daring essentially had the rug pulled out from under him #everything he thought he knew was wrong and he had his whole future taken away in the blink of an eye #bro is grieving #ever after high #dapple #dappling #daring charming #apple white #darling charming #eah headcanons #aloeverants

[nordidia]

Would you by any chance have a raph playlist? 👀

BOY, DO I

i have. too many actually

but i can give you my oldest one, i started it in 2020 and its not necessarily every song's lyrics being raphcore, its just what i put on when drawing him in non-emotional content! i think the songs are kind of his vibes, if only the beat of the song. some are a bit emotional though, sorry theyre a bit scattered in there!

alot of the vibes i was going for was "being the driver on a roadtrip and everyone else is asleep so you lower the radio to not disturb them, the sun is low and theres a fresh summer breeze"

here it is!

i also have um cough. a list i listen to while drawing emotional raph content. this one im more picky with, the songs' lyrics remind me of him and what he struggles with. so i compiled it into a list for when i need my brain to focus on his psyche while drawing anything. if you want to know what i listen to while drawing jojo specials for example,

here you go,,! sorry,/gen

#i do have one for future raph as well but its really heavy and like. grieve-y. i dont want to post it.. i dont know whyb im telling u evenPF #idk! its just too heavy for me to comfortably post publically here #actually i have one for future leo too lol??? idk if i wanna post it either AAH. #thinks abt it #I HAVE OTHERS. but idk if theyre post-worthy lol these are like my big two #one day i will be so self indulgent and make a metal list of what i think raph would like i think he'd like some #asks!

[uncanny-tranny]

Shoutout to those whose burnout never felt like a controlled bush fire, but felt as a forest fire consuming everything in its path. To those whose burnout didn't blossom into new life on the forest floors, but whose burnout has only left charred bark and silence in its wake. There's nothing wrong with you. Burnout can feel like a wound sometimes, a secret you keep to yourself out of shame. Your forest is not ruined. The fire wasn't your fault. If something will start to blossom in that forest, it will take time. It will be small. But it will be life.

#positivity #encouragement #encouraging words #burnout #i thought of the english class i took where i had to write and i panicked... #...and that just... makes me sad to know i'm still in that burnout. i grieve the time lost #my burnout never felt small or controlled. it was a forest fire that raged through the entire thing. the entire forest is on fire #and that fire drives out all the life - it saps it out like a tapped tree #i don't know if i will ever write again but whatever grows in my forest can be different but still just as good #it will be better but it will be different #i guess i just need to wait and cultivate my forest to be ready for such a case

[trans-queen-administrator]

During the talk with Phir Sē, it comes up that he has a daughter when he tells Taylor about how keenly aware he is of what he could be sacrificing to kill Behemoth.

And it's very odd to me that she's a hero, when her father is one of the men so monstrous that he's used as evidence for why the PRT should stick around. It's almost like the stereotypical superhero show plot where the plucky protagonist hero learns their dad is Doctor Evilman or whatever, but this is Worm. Later in the conversation Phir Sē reveals that he sacrificed family before in a similar scenario

And I can't help but feel that him sacrificing his wife and sons is connected to his daughter being a hero? Like imagine being her, and seeing your dad refuse to save the rest of your family because of the greater good. He could effortlessly step backwards in time but he stands there while their corpses cool instead. That could definitely crack a rift between them and cause his daughter to join the heroes in a desperate attempt to prove that you can save everyone. Hell, I could even see her dad letting her family die being a trigger event. And she's specifically one of the bright and popular heroes, one of the campy flashy ones like Mouse Protector. How much of that is because she can't bear to let herself be anything less than the ideal of a hero, because she can't stomach the thought of being someone who has to make a sacrifice like her father? Phir Sē says he'll live the rest of his life down in his bunker mourning her if he fails, but I think he's already been doing that. He's been consumed by the guilt of who he left in the past and how that ruined his only tie left, and he wants to do something that justifies his existence. If he kills Behemoth, the world celebrates, people are saved, and maybe his daughter will talk to him again. If not, he keeps living as he always has, alone and crippled by the weight of his actions.

I wonder how he felt, in his last moments. The bomb didn't kill the Endbringer, and Behemoth hunted down his bunker and killed him. He had to have seen that it survived, and while maybe he didn't fail so hard he vaporized the country, he didn't redeem himself, he didn't save anyone. He'll never know that his actions weakened Behemoth enough for Scion to finish the job, from his perspective he lost. I wonder if his daughter survived, and if she knows what he did to tip the scales of the battle. Would she even mourn him, assuming he caused her trigger and she knows he let her family die?

He liked Weaver because she reminded him of himself with her ruthless pragmatism and ability to make the hard choices, while also reminding him of his daughter with her idealistic nature. I think he saw a version of himself in her, one that didn't end up isolated in a bunker with no family left. One that has hope and still kept the humanity he feels he lost. She talks to him about working together with others, communicating, and he doesn't think it's something that's possible, he thinks humanity is a "wretched, petty species" and that infighting and lack of coordination would prevail even against an Endbringer. And I think he's right in thinking Taylor is like a younger version of him, because that's exactly what happens during Gold Morning until she makes them work together. He would feel vindicated, seeing Khepri.

Honestly I really wish he survived, he's such an interesting character and I would love to see more of him beyond a single random Tohu face. Most of this is headcanon but like, I think it fits pretty well, so who knows maybe it's the intended subtext.

#worm #parahumans #Phir Sē #and his unnamed daughter #gosh I just analyzed way too much about a character that doesn't even have dialouge #or a description #or anything beyond a mention #also ty to the person who wanted Phir Sē posts I really enjoyed rereading his chapters and thinking about it #what a good minor character #ramble #also #I will kill those people who make me smile and feel more human than I am. I will grieve their deaths #and then I will take that gamble again #what a great quote