#and im guessing this is his way of getting even better at that

[what-even-is-thiss]

hi! i just saw your post about your struggle with addiction, and it really resonated with me i guess, and i hope youre doing better now. ive been struggling a lot with being,,, lets call it ‘reasonable’ about my weed consumption and im feeling so overwhelmed trying to slow down with it and so ashamed that im even struggling with this in the first place, do you have any advice from when you first realized you had an addiction and like how you went about dealing with it?

im just really scared to ask my friends and family (outside of tumblr) for help because i worry that itll change how they think of me, or that theyll start treating me differently or something, especially because my parents are the ones who keep enabling this.

if youre not up to giving advice about this sort of thing i completely understand, and obviously our experiences and vices are very different, anyway sorry this is so rambly, and i hope you have a lovely week :)

An addiction counselor or a therapist might be better than me but I’ll try.

What has worked for me in the past with some things is removing the thing from my life completely and then later when I’m better seeing if there’s a healthy smaller way I can bring it back into my life.

Sometimes there isn’t. When it comes to opioids for example I can’t have those even once or my addiction immediately reactivates. Like with me it’s so fast. I become dependent on them immediately. Same with self harm. Hurting myself leads to my brain immediately wanting more of it to get rid of my emotions and it’s bad for my health so i just need to not do that.

When it comes to gambling and mobile games however I’ve been able to find a happy medium with that. I have maybe two mobile games I play that I don’t spend money on and I play more one time purchase games now without micro transactions. With gambling I put a hard limit on myself at 20 bucks a month and for the most part I’ve been able to stick to that.

Also I know that if I drink alcohol more than twice a week I’ll become addicted to it because I can feel it happening. So I just don’t drink more than once or twice a week.

You don’t have to go cold turkey. That doesn’t work for everyone. You might carefully measure out a ration for yourself for the month or week. You might not even have to give it up entirely. Or maybe you might.

I’ve found that talking it out with people in your life you trust can be helpful. The hardest additions to beat for me have been the ones I’ve never told anyone about. And part of the reason I’ve never become alcoholic is because I’ve told my friends and family about my problem and if I have more than three drinks at a party they know to tell me to cut it out.

I’ve found in general that people are more understanding than you think they’ll be. And if they aren’t then find someone who is. Even if they have to be a therapist or something.

I think the worst thing you can do when trying to beat an addiction or if you know you have an addictive personality is to isolate yourself. If you’re alone then it’s just you and your thoughts and your thoughts are what got you into this in the first place.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you find quitting hard. Addiction is hard. It messes with the pathways in your brain. It’s okay if it takes a while. Just keep trying.

[dragonvhs]

I've been wanting to do this forever so why not now

RATING SPYRO'S MODELS IN EACH GAME (these are the models themselves, not like his designs outside of the games in like promotional materials and stuff. That may be a later post idk yet)

Spyro 1

The classic Spyro design. The small line of blue scales. The little yellow gradient on his cheeks and snout in cutscenes. The brown horns and big, expressive eyes. Oh yeah, this is prime Spyro right here. Will take points because the wings are very small and awkwardly shaped, which to be fair it is 1998 playstation so like. What can you do.

9/10

Spyro 2/3

Now this? This is perfection here. Takes everything the Spyro 1 model does and does it better. Still has the little blue scales I love so much and the brown horns, but with much better wing shape and size. Top tier Spyro model. Might be my favorite of all of them, even.

10/10

Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly

I like how they decided to texture in more scales during the jump from ps1 to ps2. Sadly this may be the only thing i like about this model. It's not the worst thing i've ever seen, but it looks so... gummy? Some of the details look kind of odd to me, like the yellow claws and unevenly spaced lines along his chest. This also removed the blue scales lining around his underbelly and adds the yellow horns which I'm not crazy about. A few points for still trying to be mostly loyal to the ps1 designs shape wise.

5/10

Spyro: A Hero's Tail

Now this is a pretty good improvement from the enter the dragonfly model. I'm not crazy about the snout shape, looks a bit too round and i think the nostrils are a bit too high on his face, but overall a good spyro! the introduction of the purple eyes is cool too (personally im a red eyed spyro truther but still)

7/10

Spyro: Shadow Legacy

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA HOLY FUCK HAHAHHAHA. okay okay okay to be fair this one is a ds game and spyro himself is suuuuper small on the screen so like. of course he'd be low poly. does get some points for spyro having sharper and more mean features. though you probably wouldn't notice in the game

4/10

Legends Spyro New Beginning/Eternal Night

Might be nostalgia talking but I actually still really like this design. I like his snout shape and more lightning bolt shaped horns, and i find his head and back spikes kinda cool, even if i like the classic shape of them better, it works for this design. His horns are a tad bit more brownish (it's more visible in the game), which you know I love. This spyro is overall very cute!! Maybe a bit too cute, but I enjoy him

8/10

Legends Spyro Dawn of the Dragon

I don't. like him.

the back legs look fucked up, the wings are way too thick at the base by the shoulders and then they're so small but then get so long by the end. i like the little added scales along his underbelly. that's about it. you would think taking the previous model and making him older would be easy but i guess not. a point because you can tell he's older and if you only look at his head the model is nice. not the rest though. god.

2/10

Skylanders

This might be controversial but i dont care. i actually like the skylanders spyro design. he leans more into the cool factor than cute, which i can appreciate, and he kinda reminds me of a pug a little bit and i really like pugs. he's got kind of a beast/monster factor i really like. i love love love the horn shape and the big claws, and the yellow claws dont even look awkward here!! the red eyes really pop too! i think he's really fun

7/10

side note i also LOVE spyro's design in the skylanders show too ESPECIALLY HIS COLORING LOOK HOW NICE HE LOOKS it takes the best parts of the game model and improves it. i know this isn't from the game but it's too good not to include.

9/10

Spyro Reignited

I do really really really love this model, it's near perfect. perfectly balances the cute/coolness factor. the shapes are all good, the wings are small but not too small. love the darker scales across his body. his little thumbs are so fun too. honestly this is the best they could have done for a remodel of the first 3 games. only taking off a point because im not crazy about the colors, i prefer the darker purples and brown horns.

9/10

BONUS: CRASH ON THE RUN

Im so torn on this one because on one hand the cartoony stylization really works in these models. i love the bigger snout, i think it's fun, and i LOVE LOVE LOVE taking his head spikes and kind of splitting them up like hair. that's so fun! but on the negative end I HATE THE WAY HIS FEET LOOK SO MUCH OH MY GOD. they're like wretched lumps of clay with little claws jammed into them. granted this was for a mobile app BUT STILL. the feet really just fuck me up a lot

6/10

Okay that is all thanks for reading <3 maybe next time i'll rate spyro renders or something <3

#spyro #spyro the dragon #tlos #the legend of spyro #skylanders

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 730: “Handicap”

Pag 1

1: I saw Imaizumi-san and Sugimoto-san, a third years pair!!

2: They're currently the fastest, now starting the 20th lap!!

3: Amazing!!

Woah

Already... 100km!?

Pag 2

1: A buddies battle, huh....

2: They thought about it too

Hahaha

Chasing them there's the pair of Onoda-san and Naruko-san!

3: They had an handicap for the first 40km but are gradually catching up

Amazing!

We're just watching them but it's so exciting!!

Oi, you two, don't take a rest and run too!!

Ye-yes, Gorizou-senpai!!

4:  Last year, Teshima he broke up the “team of two” for himself

And he also separated Danchiku and Kaburagi, who were first years

5: He wanted to increase individual power

Pag 3

1: This year, on the comtrary, you paired them up and made them run together

2: Can't you raise your pace more, Nogaki!

I'm doing my best!

3: If we overdo it from the beginning, then we'll have nothing left

But if they open a gap then we won't be able to cover the distance

4: Two people having to run as a pair means that when there are different opinions the'll of course end up arguing

5: You won't know until they try finishing the whole 1000km, but-

Hahaha

Naruko, Onoda, Imaizumi.... this training camp is the answer that you learned through participating twice in the Inter High

That's right

6: You can overcome troubles and difficulties through cooperation and reach a successful conclusion....

Pag 4

1: The “buddies”

Pag 5

1: Are the smallest unit of “team Sohoku that supports each other”!!

Pag 7

1: We're goin ahead, Hotshot, kakaka

2: Ah... sorry I was late today, Imaizumi-kun

It's nothing, don't worry about it

3: There was a guy along the way.....

4: He brings it up every time he passes us, but- “a guy”, I couldn't hear, what guy

5: Those two have passed us many times since earlier...!!

There's a 40km margin, so of course they haven't closed it all

Pag 8

1: It's probably the time to start worrying about them!!

Imaizumi!!

2: From now on we need some kind of plan.... those two are fast!!

Will it be okay if we don't come up with a plan!?

3: Yeah, don't worry, we have a margin

They won't surpass us if we keep going at this pace

Ye... ah, you're so calm, as expected of you, Imaizumi

4: With those two, Onoda pulls them on the climbs, and Naruko pulls on the flats...

5: They're the most efficient pair!!

6: We entered the climb, so I'm going ahead, Naruko-kun!!

Yeah!!

Pag 9

1: Oruaaaagh!!

2: “Efficient”....?

3: That's how you see it? Sugimoto

5: You say they work well perfectly well together

7: Hahaha, more.... more, Onoda-kun!! Raise it...!! The climbing pace!!

Pag 10

1: If you think so, then your eyes are bad

3: Alright, let's raise the pace of another 10%!!

Oruaaaaagh

Waaaa, they're so fast!

Pag 11

1: It's the complete opposite of what you said

It's a shame

2: Onoda raises his paces on climbs, and Naruko manages to cling to him

Oruaaaagh

4: Then, it's the opposite on the flats

5: The climb is finally over, so I'm going ahead, Onoda-kun

6: Once, during training camp we were blocked with an “equipment handicap”

7: Now

8: They're carrying each other like that burden

Onoda on the flats.... and Naruko on the climbs!! Now....

Pag 12

1: It's a “human handicap”!!

Fly and follow me, Onoda-kun!!

O... okay!!

2: So fast... as expected, Naruko-kun is so fast!!

3: Come on, you're dropping your pace!!

5: Yeah

Pag 13

1: Let's keep going like this!!

Kakaka

2: So there's this kind of use too, in this buddies system!!

3: “Human handicap”....!!

5: To “become stronger”.....!!

Those two are still trying to become stronger

Before the training camp, I also tried to prepare in my own way, but

Pag 14

1: Maybe I've been too complacent.....!!

3: I- Imaizumi!!

Sorry, the things you're saying now, I'm only noticing them now, and now!!

4: What are you even doing Sugimoto Terufumi!! You know it, this training camp has been to get stronger since the beginning!!

5: My eyes really are bad!!

7: I'm not on you guys' level so there are many things I don't notice

I'm still not satisfied!!

Pag 15

1: Oh, he realized it

2: If it were the you from some time ago, you would have made up some excuses

I- I noticed, I'm an experienced cyclist, so of course I don't have bad eyes

3: So, please, tell me, Imaizumi!!

Everything about what I'm lacking, for the whole time!! For these whole four days!!

I think I've prepared enough for this training camp

4: I've already thrown away my pride a long time ago!!

Pag 16

1: That's why the “Sohoku jersey” that you gave me, I left it at home!!

3: The next time I'll put on that jersey it will be as a regular!! When I will become the sixth member and run in the Inter High with you, Imaizumi!!

5: I see. Then it's going to be a challenging four days

Yeah, exactly!!

Pag 17

1: Let's go, Sugimoto!!

Yeah!!

2: I'll also become stronger in this training camp!! Imaizumi, no matter what kind of opponent will come at me, I will!!

3: So that I'll be able to run om that stage with you!!

5: Sugimoto.... in my cold way of speaking, I... think you're powerless

6: I also have to get stronger during these four days

I have a margin that Onoda and Naruko can't close, and I plan on reaching the goal faster than anyone else

7:  Eventually, you'll fall behind

Pag 18

1: I'll take the “powerless you” and run 1000km!! That's the “human handicap” I chose for myself!!

Pag 19

1: End of the first day of training camp

Ahhh I'm so tired!

Ah, my legs, my legs hurt....

Ahh, I can't walk

2: The senpai are walking so quickly!

Incredible!

4: Teeeh....

Guaa....

5: As expected... training camp is so hard...

Waaaa, the world is spinning...

And tomorrow.... too? Kinaka-kun

Yeah!! Rokudai

Ughh...

Distance covered on the first day: Imaizumi and Sugimoto, 250km

Pag 20

1: Kaburagi and Danchiku, respectively 250km and 240km

Sugimoto Sadatoki, Gorizou, Sawada, and the third year Kawada, all retired

3: Onoda and Naruko, 225km and 250km

4: My back....

My neck....

My legs....

It hurts

The first years

5: Rokudai and Kinaka, 180km

Several other people reached the goal sefely

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #yowamushi pedal manga #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal translations #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 730 #this chap is so interesting???? #at this point im not sure what onoda and naruko's strategy is??? #but also naruko isnt all that bad on climbing and we saw that already since he turned into an all rounder #and im guessing this is his way of getting even better at that #and also #its time for onoda to get better on flats lmao #then... sugimoto #on one hand reading him saying all those thing about getting stronger and all made me think that hell prolly go to the ih #but then imaizumi...... the way he thinks about it its like he knows already that sugimoto wont make it #(which tbh bitch behaviour lmao classic imaizumi #imaizumi be like: i love sugimoto with all my heart but he kinda sucks at cycling and im not gonna lie about it) #so hmmmmmm #and then theres the first years who are so behind everyone else..... #tbh im like 99%sure at least roku-chan will make the team #this whole training camp arc is so stressing what is watanabe doing to uuuuuus #(on another note tho i laughed so hard at kawada dropping off already aasdsadfdsgdf)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

AHAHAHH FINALLY ANOTHER NEW DOODLE PAGE. A COLLAGE OF OLD DOODLES, NEW DOODLES, DOODLES WITH MINIMUM EFFORT, AND DOODLES WITH ALOOOT OF EFFORT. SOME DRAWN ONA TABLET, MOST ON A MOUSE, BEEN IN MY WIPS FOR AGES JUST TTAAAAAKKEE IT BRO I CANT LOOK AT IT ANYMORE. ANYWAY HHEEELLLOOOOOO CHIPS GROWTH OVER 100 EPISODES CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT?? BECAUSE I SURE WILL. IN MY TAGS.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #jrwi show #jrwi riptide spoilers #cw blood #chip jrwi #BARRK BARK BARK STARTED THIS WAY BEFORE EP 109 OKAY HHOOOOLY SHIIITT MY BOY.. MY BABY BOY.. #HE HAS COME SO FARRRR CAN I BE HONEST? NEEEVER SAW THE FIRE MOTIF COMING #WHEN HE GOT THE WAVE TATS I WAS LIKE awweeyeaaaa ive been headcanoning him with a single shitty faded wave tattoo on his fore arms #BUT TTHEENN THE SECOND ARENA AND THE FIRE AND THE AAARURUGHHGHH IM SSOOO HERE FOR IT #BUT LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN TO ME WELL RIGHT NOW. I BELIEVE THAT CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. #THE THING THAT FUELS THE FIRE. THAT GIVES IT GROUND FOR WHICH TO THRIVE. CHIP IS SO FOUNDATION TO ME #GILL MOON JAY SUN CHIP EARTH!!!! IM RIGHT!!! IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME I BETTER SEE SOME HHHAAANDS!!!!!! #I HAd so much trouble drawing his tattoos oohh my GOOODD those were the biggest reason i didnt finish this for so long #even now im still iffy but WAHTEVERRR. i love just drawin chip all beat up and sad #hes so tragic and unfortunate. remember when before they entered the black sea. the dude asked if anyone would miss chip. and he went 'no' #like just on impulse. n then jay n gill were like what?? dude no?? youve built up so much? what about all the friends along the way? #n chip was like oh. huh. yeah i guess so. HES SO USED TO BEING NNOOTHIHNGGG remember when he started getting sensitive abt #getting called bastard. OHH REMEMBER HIS SAD BOY ARC.. all the pressure all the ridicule all the misfortune all the failure and guilt #all crashing down onto the head of some wannabe pirate #oh my boy. youve grown so much! and in such a distorted way. what will arlin think when he sees you now? #OHH HOW I HOPE OTHERS NOTICE THAT LIL DOODLE WITH CHIP TAKING HIS FIRST KILL. SLOWLY PLUNGING A BLADE INTO MEAT. #ITS HARDER THAN YOU THINK BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND. AND THEN ITS EASY. JUST SO SO EASY. NOT MUCH BLOOD. IT TRAILED DOWN TO HIS SLEEVE #YOUR FIRST KILL WASNT A BRUTAL BLOODY MESS. IT WAS SAD. IT WAS SCUFFED. BUT IT WAS CLEANER THAN SOME. A BREATH SILENCED IN MERE SECONDS. #IT LEFT A STAIN ON YOUR SLEEVE. THATS ALL THE KILL LEFT BUT YOU CARRY THAT. YOU CARRY THAT INTO A NIGHT OF CHEER AND JOLLY #YOU CARRY THAT STAIN. YOU STOLE THIS BLOOD. YOU TOOK THIS LIFE. CERTAINLY THIS HAS TO STOP AT SOME POINT. AND IT MIGHT ASWELL END WITH FIRE #LOVE U CHIP MWAH #EDIT: IF U SAW ME FORGET TO DRAW CHIPS MISSIN TOOTH IN THE TOP RIGHT: NO YOU DIDNT

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga #but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep #like yeah laios is obviously autistic #and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable #but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him #specifically for his autistic traits #and their bullying is almost always a joke #not a single person defends him #literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him #well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far #maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts #but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well #you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking #but nothing else does #the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh #'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you' #and not a single person defends laios #or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is #like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends' #maybe you could COMMUNICATE. #but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice. #i don't have a problem with the scene. #i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile. #i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios. #dungeon meshi #maybe ppl will start treating him better #i would like to continue reading #but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man

[klanced]

this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring

you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.

first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.

i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.

so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.

but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.

and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.

keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.

lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.

#mintcaboodle #klance #voltron #ask #the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!! #im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked #also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he #starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend #the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18 #lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is #though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again #i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him #whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word #otp: we are a good team #katiecanons #idk i guess #keith #lance

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[mewtwo24]

I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

#tgcf #xie lian #lang qianqiu #the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!' #i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming) #legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either #the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later #the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure -> #for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong #i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome #having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost #doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing #only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god #and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g #and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static #not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason) #until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open #absolutely fantastic im on the ground #honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng #i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved #and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far #but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became #fucking cHRIST

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[grapecaseschoices]

wyll really deserves better. wow. like i knew it. but seeing the way ravengard speaks to him. i could just choke.,

i'm glad tav/durge can call him a bastard anad say he shouldve drowned. bc whew.

#kaeliana -- it was on the tip of her tongue #didnt even wana n save that bastard #wow #smh #bg3 spoilers #grapecase plays bg3 #ulder ravengard #wyll deserves better in each and everway #and yes i get it. ravengard reacted to what he was presented with #and some may argue that he is not at fault #but as someone who has had people who supposedly know me / care about me react badly #to shit i said - in the wrong way but with no ill intention - assuming worse instead of knowing ME. ...im meh #lmao #i feel he should have known his son #i feel he should have tried to look into it and figured things out #but i guess he is a man of facts and not a man of hope #wyll clearly gets his nature from luck and his mother roflmao

[lemongogo]

one day i will post eriks art .and rhe world will sing

#i love him so much . i wish we had more of him T_T sry 2 vash for ur trauma or whatever #hes like . #every time i read a story n grow attached to a chara im like . u know what you need to do #grow out your hair and grow a shitty beard 2 make urself (me) feel better #and he listened .. trimax ch 1 and 2 best day of my life fr #its like .my favorite character design IM SRY OK!!! ik its overplayed but its so yummy . to me #vash #eriks #trigun #i like the way its currently set up wherein ww and vash meet like Technically once and then eriks arc happens and he finds him again #but a smalll part of me is like . what if that happened later in the story and when they knew each other frl . which i guess thats what #stampede is getting at but idc . so #but i do like the way trimax went w it anyways bc there wasnt room for that once vash got moving again #he was determined ‼️ to end it once and for all HSKAGA.hm #dont even mnow what im getting at anymore . #anyways stream eriks frm trimax .❤️ #that sc of him and ww walking 2 the fake vash .love the composition love his outfit love the energy

[jewishgir]

queen.

#i genuinely laughed out loud at this #so basically in japanese when asking a question you would use a second person pronoun #in english it would always translate to you #but there are many different words for you in japanese that vary depending on formality #the formal and proper way to refer to someone who isnt your friend would be just using their name instead of a pronoun #which is why you often get a situation where a person who doesnt know someone says like #'oh thanks very much... um...' #because its rude to refer to someone you arent casual with with anything other than their name #'anata' is the safer bet but its somewhat endearing and can be construed as condescending if you dont know the person even though its formal #so in japanese im guessing sora called her 'omae' which is rather rude #and then backpedaled and went with 'anata' #and this is the funniest possible way they could have translated it #this is a fan translation im wondering how they did it in the official release #but it couldnt possibly be better #sora #larxene #kingdom hearts #shiv.txt #khcom #edit: ur right he probably used kimi not omae im mixing up his manga personality with his game one lmao #still the same

[galacticlamps]

The Doctor, explaining his concerns to the psychologist treating Jamie: I’m worried that these Shard implant things could be altering people’s characters, changing who they are and making them behave in ways they normally wouldn’t. Take Jamie for instance, he’s been off ever since we got here, but you can’t spot it because you just don’t know him like I do.

-30 seconds later-

The Doctor: here Jamie take my arm

Jamie: ah no thanks I’m alright

The Doctor: ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

#im sorry i know there was no mention of the dr's reaction but why write those lines unless it's e v i d e n c e #second doctor #jamie mccrimmon #the phantom piper #companion chronicles #big finish #fuck it you all know what im getting at here #two/jamie #sorry but i put it on again just to have in the background while i did some tasks #53 dead 847 injured etc etc #i think if anything i liked it even better this time? #the first time i heard it there were a couple of small things where i was like #'eh ok i guess but idk how much i believe jamie would do/say that' #but now im like wait maybe that was the point??? #(and maybe not. maybe some of them are too small to matter & i just differ with the author) #(but the plot still leaves it totally open to be interpreted that way so hey im not complaining) #i still have real thoughts on it i wrote into a draft from the first listen to stop myself making 85 posts #idk if i'll ever bother with sharing them but this bit just demands its own post either way #for the record i do realize that taking this bit as proof of jamie's character being altered as his more distressing memories are erased #kinda makes the argument that his clingyness is somehow directly related to his memories of loss and trauma #im not sure if i wanna be the one to take it that far but. i see the argument. i acknowledge it