#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captain-aralias · 3 years

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Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.

but i also wanted to write this, idk.

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer.

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)

what else did i want to say?

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

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scarecoen · 3 years

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Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

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enigmaticpathetic-blog · 6 years

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Opah Chor.

So here’s me talking about something that I usually don’t want to talk about. Mainly because it sucked. Emphasis on the -ed. But the thing is it still does. It still sucks. This is something that I would probably never get over in my whole life. It’s about my grandma. Or more precisely it’s about cancer happening to my grandma. Seeing as it is part of my being to act like everything is fine despite it usually not, I don’t really tell people about this. First, it’s because it usually ends up with me choking up, wanting to bawl cause the memories still feels like it was yesterday. Well here goes. My grandma was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2012. She died at the end of that same year. You see, lymphoma acts fast. It’s a type of cancer which spreads in the lymph nodes. I don’t know much and I don’t really wanna google it so why dont you do that for yourself. At first I didn’t really think that she was gonna die. You see, my grandma was a very cheerful, loud, funny,full of energy kind of woman. She was still driving me around with shades on before she got admitted. It started with some pain somewhere in her stomach. She got it checked, they said it was just some growth. I think it was around 3 cm at the time. I remember taking a ruler just to see how long it was. But then she wasn’t getting any better. And when the doctors checked again, turns out it was cancer. And I remember hearing that it had grown, from 3 cm to 10 cm. In just a few weeks. And then as I recall, it started getting worse. Family issues arise. Mainly in the form of ungrateful children. Uncles, aunts hurting my grandma. She was a sick woman, she was already hurting as it is. I remember feeling like punching their faces in when I meet them during hospital visits. Guess the itch in my fiststill hasnt subsided throughout the years. They're still jerks. My grandma started getting depressed, she didn’t wanted to eat, to move. She just stayed in bed, looked at the ceiling or the plain walls when one of us were cleaning her. After a while in hospital, we had to take her home. So we took her home. As in our home. I had already finished my PMR, so I could help around, be useful and stuff. It was good that I didn't had to go to school anymore. Less telling, less pretending. I remember not telling my friends. Maybe I did tell them, but I omitted the details. Nobody really knew just how sick was the grandma that Assilla took care of during the holidays. There was no use telling at the time. I had a lot on my mind those days. I watched movies of people going through cancer. But strangely enough, I didn’t remember much of it. Now, when I watch it, it ends up being a memoir of my grandma. Every cancer movie reminded me of her. Every cancer movie, after the death of my grandma, made me cry. I hate it. But yet am writing this after watching yet another cancer movie and now I can’t stop thinking of my grandma again. Those days were hard. I didn't mind the whole cleaning her, changing her diapers, counting the medicines. What hurt was forcing hero eat, which would end up with me leaving her with her food still untouched, to go to the next room and cry as quietly as I can. Slowly, during those days of repeating the same things, waking up, checking on her, bathing her, feeding her, arguing over food. I start to realise something. That my grandma was indeed dying. I remember coming into the room, seeing her sit on the edge of the bed, ready for me to help her get on my study chair which had wheels on, so I could wheel her in the bathroom for her daily baths. She would always just stare into the distance, the life in her eyes dissipating. She had already lost a lot weight, her hair falling all over the place, all over her pillows. She didn’t look like my grandma anymore, the one who would wake me up in the morning, just so we could get a cup of Teh Tarik at the nearest mama stall on a Saturday morning. I knew that she had given up. And I remember crying in the other room, with my forehead on the floor, praying to God so He'd just take her away. It was no use looking at the dying body of my already dead grandma. Her eyes had no life anymore. I was taking care of a stranger. But I remember that one time, after chemo, my mom pick us up and on the way home, she talked with my mom. And it felt like everything was fine. I could hear her again. The rise and fall of her voice. I pretended to sleep, closing my eyes, tricking myself that she was fine, healthy as ever in front of me in the passenger's seat. I don’t know whether she saw me crying from the side mirror. I knew that mom didn’t know until I told her a few weeks ago. But that was the last glimpses of her. The rest were days spent with a stranger inhabiting my grandma's dying body. The night before she left for more treatment, she called me into the room and gave me some money. She said thank you for taking care of her. I stared at the money, unwilling to take it. But she made me take it. And I did. I cried so much afterwards. I can’t remember what I did with it. I didn’t wanted to remember. Out of all the strangers that inhabited my grandma's body, the strangest was the one on the last few hours of her life. I remember walking into the ice alone. Looking around at all the other patients. My grandma was placed in a room of her own. I sat down beside her, took her hands in mine. This stranger didn't even know who I was. She cried and mumbled things. Her eyes were vacant. The nurse told me she had been this way for a few hours. I started crying, whispering God’s sweet gracious names into her ear and she calmed down a bit. The nurse left us. I can’t remember how long I was in there, but it wasn’t long. Then I left. I think I didn't even look back. I went home with my dad and sister after that. The next day, the rest of the family went to visit her again, they asked me if I would come, but I told them no. my sister didn’t want to either. So we stayed home, just the two of us. Watching cooking shows with hot guys on them (I think the title was Hot Guys Who Cook). That evening, we got a call. I could hear my mom sniffing, but her voice was steady and calm. I could hear relatives crying in the background. She told me that my grandma had passed away. And it was one of the strangest moments in my life. If this was a movie, I’d be bawling, inconsolable. But what I did was nodded, said ocean put down the phone. My sister was looking at me, I told her the news as bluntly as I could. I guess the both of us were going through the same thing. All we felt was this numbness washing over us. We had mourned for our grandma months ago. I have never seen her cry and neither had she seen me cry in the duration of those months. It was strange, coming home after I saw her body wrapped up in white. The house felt so empty. I felt so empty. Unable to feel anything anymore. I kept forgetting that she isn’t there anymore. The next few months were hazy. Surreal. It felt weird, lying on the bed she used to lie on.no more medicines for me to check. I don’t know how I got through it. The death of a beloved family member. The truth is, for me, the hardest moments was when she refused to eat and the years that came after her death. I’ve been going through new life experiences. I graduated high school, got my driver's licence, and got myself into unit the hardest thing is when I realise that these are the moments that she will never see. She would always joke about whether she’ll meet my first boyfriend, or watch me get married, see me earn my own money. And me, foolish me, had always thought that she'd make it. In my mind, even when I was old, she would still be there, looking as she is, just older. It’s been hard without her. I thought it would get easier. But in a sense it just doesn't. I go through days, going through new experiences, unable to tell her how it was. And I’d keep it to myself, letting it go when everyone is asleep. It sucks. It just does. And I don’t know what to do about it.

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nursingdebriefed · 6 years

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She was 42.

That’s always the first thing that I say when recounting this story, the last line that repeats through my mind at the end.

Warning: this ones sappy.

They say everyone has that one patient that sticks with you. That one sad story you never quite get over. I’ve had patients die, I’ve been in codes, I’ve seen people go from bad to worse and leave knowing I’d never see them again because we were sending them home to die. Dark stuff. But to be honest, thats part of the job most of us can compartmentalize pretty well. Maybe not at first, but eventually. For the most part. But she was 42. And I wasnt even a brand new nurse at the time, I was use to seeing this stuff, It wasn’t my first rodeo. But she’s the one thats stuck with me. Her name still makes me feel a pit in my stomach. Rethinking her story still brings tears to my eyes.

She was always so polite, so respectful. She was Indian, and kept a book on Buddhism by her bedside that she would read when we weren't in the room. She’d always put it down when anyone walked in though. She’d ask how my day was, what medication I came to give her. She said thank you for everything. That never escaped me- we dont get ‘thank you’s’ a whole lot. She was always smiling. She was in for a blood clot. Probably a side effect from the medication she was taking for her brain cancer. We didn't really talk about her brain cancer much in report- she wasn't getting chemo here, the doctors weren't including updates on her status in their progress notes, we all kinda just figured it was an outpatient thing or was under control. She seemed asymptomatic enough. She had a little boy turning 1 and another one who was 6. A friend would bring them by every other day to see her and she would light up. Her friends clearly adored her- and she’d gloat on about them too. “We’ve been friends for five years, I just love this girl” She’d say and her friends would blush. They’d laugh and talk for hours and take turns holding her children. I would smile and give her her medication and join in on their jokes sometimes. Before I left she always said thank you.

Then one night I came in and told her according to protocol, we had to get her ptt labs drawn every six hours while she was on a heparin drip, and we couldn't use her line. She nearly hyperventilated. At first she tried to explain to me that she couldn’t do needles. She had had some experience. As someone who’s been getting chemo for months I was confused, but the more she tried to explain the more anxious she got- she was reacting like someone who had ptsd and I had just said the trigger. It was so bad that I left and called the doctor and asked to make an exception to protocol- to use her line to draw her labs so we didn't have to use needles- and when I came back into the room she was lying in bed silently crying.

My heart broke a little then. She had always seemed so happy, so strong. But now, in the middle of the night, she was scared, and without her little boys or friends or husband around, she allowed herself to break a little. I dont ache with empathy often, but my heart hurt as I sat on her bed with her and held her hand. And just let her cry. encouraged her silently to let it all out- because I dont think she does often. Then she began trying to tell me something. At first I thought she was just choked on her words- she kept breathing in sharply like people do when they ugly cry- but the words never came. Even when the crying stopped and her breathing went back to normal, the words didnt come. She couldnt get out more than “um” and “I..” and at first she looked confused. And then she looked afraid. And I quickly went from empathizing friend mode to nurse mode. I began preforming the NIH stroke scale on her (a way we test to see if someones having a stroke). She had complete expressive aphasia (thats when they cant say anything but can understand what you’re saying). And knowing about the clot in her leg, and the heparin drip she was on, a stroke caused by a clot or a bleed weren't too far fetched. So I called rapid response and soon enough another nurse was there with me, preforming the same test, then he decided to call a code stroke.

We rushed her down to CT. She began silently crying again and kept looking at her phone screen, a picture of her two boys. “Its going to be okay” I kept telling her. She was scared.

As we got her on the CT bed the CT tech asked what side she was weak on. “Neither, she’s just aphasic, no weakness” I answered. She rolled her eyes and called the radiologist saying “its not a stroke, but I”m sending you a scan I need the impression of.” Me and the rapid nurse staring at eachother, clearly annoyed. Soon enough we were back on the floor. The MD was there now, and said he thought she was having a stroke that was still evolving and not showing on the scan yet.

I left the shift that day worried, but not overly so. I work on a stroke floor, people recover from strokes all the time. Aphasia is not usually permanent especially in someone so young. But when I got back that night, she wasn't better. She still couldn’t speak and now she was constantly crying. She now had expressive and receptive aphasia- she could no longer understand tasks I would ask her to do. She slept most of the night- but when I had to wake her to give her medication she would start to panic and cry again, like she forgot momentarily that she couldn't speak, and had to remember again every time she woke up. I tried to avoid waking her.

I was off for a night after that, and when I came back she was on a new floor- the cardiac floor. Apparently she got a chest tube. I went down in the middle of my shift to check on her and ran into her nurse, who was also a friend from my residency, Logan. “How’s she doing?” “She’s on comfort care.” I was shook. She had gone from completely independent, alert, sweet and talkative when she came in, to completely unresponsive. She laid in bed flaccid- eyes deviated to the left, unchanging to verbal or painful stimulus. She had a massive stroke. And my heart broke a little more as Logan told me that her husband brought in her 6 year old to say goodbye that day, and had left the room with him in his arms, crying uncontrollably. This was not expected. I went in to see her and found her husband silent at her bedside. I explained to him that I was her nurse on the 7th floor, and he just nodded and gave a slight smile. I went up to her and grabbed her hand, which hung lifelessly to her side, and tried to keep tears from welling up in my eyes as I said hello, and that I’d been thinking about her. She showed no sign of hearing me or knowing I was present- her eyes stayed deviated to the left and her hand felt cold in mine. When I said bye and walked out of the room, I’m not sure I could remember a time I felt heavier. She died the next day, on her babies 1 year old birthday.

She was only 42. And she’s that patient I will always remember, the story I will always hurt when retelling. She’s the one who taught me how important it is to empathize, to really know your patients so you can tell the second something is a little off. She reminded me of frailty of the present moment, how we cant take these seconds for granted. Because It could all change in the blink of an eye. I heard once that the present moment is the only moment that touches eternity- that it is in the present that the Lord moves and speaks. If we are constantly focused on our past or worried about our future, we’ll miss it, we’ll miss the joy and blessings of being in his presence in our everyday little moments. All that matters is these little seconds we live in now. This is where his grace resides.

I wont take them for granted.

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angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog · 6 years

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Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

"Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I will be supervising a learner with a provisional licence, i have been driving for more then 5yrs and hold a full Uk license.. Do i have to have the car insurance in the learners name too?""

Does anybody know about the statewide increase of geico auto insurance in connecticut?

I got a hefty 8% increase for my next 6 months' payments. The telephone assistant told me that it was a statewide increase in CT, based on ZIP code. Anyboby knows more about this?""

New Car/ New insurance...need it immediately?

I will be buying a car on Sunday. I am under my parent's insurance right now but will be getting my own when I get the new car. Do I need to get the new insurance policy before driving the car off the lot? How can I do this without the VIN number? I live in Florida.

Short vs. long term individual health insurance?

whats the better choice and why

Whats the best car insurance comparison site for older drivers?

How is Erie auto and homeowners insurance?

I am searching for different auto and home insurance. Erie insurance has given me a good quote. Are they a good insurance company?

How much is it for car insurance for a 16 yrs old in long island ny?

i am gonna be driving a ford station wagon 1989 escort

How do I drive a new car home if I can't get insurance on it for another 2 weeks?

My insurance company said they need the car title before they can give me insurance on the car. This doesn't make any sense, the dealer say they cannot hold on to the car once it's bought because it's not their responsbility anymore. But I need to buy the car to get the title and the title won't be processed for 1-2 weeks. So once I buy the car I need to take it home but that means driving without insurance, what's going on here is it okay?""

Car insurance quote sites not recognising vehicle reg?

Hi my partner is thinking of buying a car and we're looking at gocompare.com and confused.com but we are not getting anywhere as neither website recongise either the vehicle registration number or the make and model of the car! we know it is genuine as we have done a vehicle check on it. any ideas why we can't get quotes? it's a nissan pickup from 1999. many thanks

How Much is this Emergency Room Visit without Insurance?

My aunt got really loopy yesterday after hearing bad news and i took her to the emergency room. They took her blood pressure, pricked her finger to test her blood sugar, the nurses/doctor asked her questions, and they gave her an anti-anxiety pill. That was it. No xrays or anything else. it took about 3 hours all together with the waiting. would this still be about 500 - 1000 bucks?""

Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

Insurance to drive another car?

I work on a farm and I have to drive across fields and stuff to get around. Sadly, I currently have to do this in my own car so I was thinking of buying a cheap car so I don't ruin my actual car in the process. I can't leave the car at the farm, so it would need to be road legal (taxed, MOTed and Insured) Is there any insurance you can get where you can be insured on both cars but on one policy? (Sort of like what car traders use where they can drive any car that isn't registered to them)""

Car Insurance...????

How much would it be for a 16 Year old boy to be added on his parents insurance policy... Completed Drivers Ed Lives in Baltimore, MD Has really good grades It would be liberty mutual if that helps... thanks!""

California parent trying to decide whether to purchase/register car in California vs. Arizona?

I live in California and my child goes to college in Arizona. I am trying to decide if I should buy / register the car in California (and have her under my policy - lower policy cost) OR buy/ register the car in Arizona (under her own name - to minimize my liability. We've been checking Craigslist and within our price range, the cars in California have much higher mileage and more expensive than cars in Arizona. What are the pros and cons of both options?""

Does anybody have any info about insurance licsences in arizona?

classes, test, etc. i passed my real estate exam a little over a year ago. man talk about a tough business! well i think its almost time to move on to something else....""

Do you need to show proof of insurance for title transfer?

When you buy a used car and go to DMV to transfer title, do you need to provide proof of insurance? Or is that only for registration renewals. This is for California""

Answers to life insurance test?

answers to life insurance & applications test

Nissan GTR Lease & Insurance Cost?

Approximately, how much is Nissan GTR lease and insurance cost? Thanks.""

How much would insurance cost for a 2003 bmw 330 ci? 17 years old?

Car insurance!!!! HELP?

Hi i have just rung up Diamond car insurance to find out the cost of getting some car insurance and paying monthly! they said i need to pay a deposite of 200 quid and then my monthly payments are 200 quid. In my first month do i pay both the deposite and the monthly payment or just the deposite!??????? xxxx

Cheapest California Auto Insurance?

Any One Can Tell Me The Cheapest California Auto Insurance

I wanna some good health insurance?

I need some if possible cheap health insurance, including dental... Please help!""

""How much is commercial insurance for Brooklyn,NY?""

What is the average insurance cost for a electronics store holding under $30k in assets per month in brooklyn, ny?""

Saving on insurance...own or finance?

What is cheaper to insure a car that is being financed or a car that is owned? I haven't decided how to pay for my new car and since I am getting 0% it wouldn't cost more to finance, I do have the cash to buy it. I am just trying to see ways to lower insurance. If you know of any other ways to lower insurance I will take that advice too. Thanks""

I need super cheap health insurance?

I need super super cheap health insurance in San Diego, California. Its for a school soccer club, so I don't care what kind... I just need outside insurance and quick... and SUPER cheap!! Any suggestions?""

What's the point of car insurance?

I pay insurance for my car. Shouldn't car insurance cover anything needing fixed on your car? What is the point of paying for insurance, when the insurance doesn't even cover repairs? I pay for supposed FULL COVERAGE , shouldn't this cover everything, ITS A BIG F-ING SCAM!!!""

How much more will my insurance charge me?

I'm about to get my license at age 18 and I want to buy a really nice turbo charged car...how much more will it be vs a non turbo car

Moving insurance question?

In september I will be moving to a state on the other side of the country for a few months and then comming back. Will I need a new insurance company or will my rates go up when I move? does it matter that it will only be for a few months? Im currently in CT and I'll be going to Orlando Florida if that helps at all

How much will it cost....?

I live in Hemet , Southern California. I have a 9 month old son. He will be nursed until 24 months, However, he does eat some solid foods. I my boyfriend and I rent an appartment for $750- How much would our monthly income need to be to support our family? How much is utilities in my area? How much do you spend on gas? How much is car insurance? How much is it to get my car smoged? How much are monthly groceries? What other bills am I missing? Please help!""

What are cts insurance rates compared to other luxury cars ?

2006 cts with 2.8 L base model what are the average insurance rates compared to other luxury cars

Info about 17 year old car insurance.?

Hi, so i have been trying to look for cheap insurance lately, but was getting insurance quotes for 44k and lowest 17k! but i changed up a bit of the info and got it down to 3.2k with mum and dad added, i dont want a black box or anything, if i were to ring up and get a quote from the company, could it be even cheaper? thanks, also please leave some tips as to how to make it cheaper, and if you ask questions in the answers!... i will reply in the additional info so keep an eye out!""

Question regarding auto mobile insurance company policy?

so i just got with a new insurance company about 2 months ago. Would the insurance company accept a claim and cover all the expenses of a car accident if they didnt withdraw their monthly fee yet, but then i did received their pink slip of the policy number and everything?""

I am thinking of get a Honda Accord (1996-2001) in fl was wondering how much is basic inserance?

I am thinking of getting a Honda Accord between the year of 1996 and 2001 was wondering how much is it gonna cost for minimum insurance if I am 16 about to tern 17

Around how much is full coverage car insurance?

I'm thinking about buying a car around 3-4 grand 4 door from.some. ar dealer I'm 22 and want to get the car under my name n I wanna have an idea of how much would I pay /month with a full coverage thNks I live in Michigan

How much is adding my teenager to my insurance policy?

how much is the averge amount that i would have to pay when i add my teen to my auto-insurance policy..with their own car.

Proof of insurance question?

The transmission went out of my car. A friend who does auto repair told me it would cost approx $1200 to fix. So I decided to scrap the car & get another. I cancelled insurance on old one & bought another 1 1/2 months later. The car was not driveable. Now I have to prove why I didn't have ins on the car and still had plates registered to it. I called & wrote a letter to the state and they said to send an estimate from an ASE cert. mechanic or tow bill or pictures. I don't have a tow bill. I didn't get out of the driveway. I don't need an ASE mechanic to tell me what is wrong w/the car and picutres of a transmission are stupid. I have received a written est from the guy and have statements from neighbors saying the car was not running. What more can I do?????? I don't want my license suspended.

Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

Around how much will car insurance cost?

I'm turning 16 in January and want to get my license. My parents are adding me onto their State Farm account, but I have to save up enough to pay my insurance for at least a year first. I know I qualify for the good student discount because my GPA is 4.0 and I'm going to be in the National Honors Society. I live in the suburbs of Pennsylvania so I hear it should cost less than if I lived in Philadelphia. So, around how much will this cost?""

Quick question about car insurance?

just turned 18. got my permit. going to get my license next week. I am allowed to use my moms car and it has insurance under her name. is it legal for me to drive the car if I don't have my own personal insurance?

Where can i get cheap car insurance?

im driving a six years old Saab aero convertible.and on red 'p' and im 26yrs old.i was told i have to pay near $5000 a year .is there any other way to get around it?

Insurance grace period/need insurance to title and register?

In IL, is there any grace period between buying a car and having insurance? Or put another way, will I need to show proof of insurance when I go to DMV to register and get title? My plan was to pickup the car and immediately go to the DMV, but my insurance card probably won't be hear for a few days... will they not let me register it w/o insurance? Also, god forbid I'm pulled over on my way to the DMV (without insurance OR registration) or on my way home from DMV (still no insurance) will there be a problem if I can show (with bill of sale or something) that I just bought the vehicle and am on the way to register it and/or insurance is in the works?""

Other or new insurance companies Non-exclusive?

Hello there, I have a client, she is 18 years old and has a 1997 Toyota Corolla. She came by for insurance 2 days ago and I have quoted her with: Allied, Safeco, Hartford, Progressive, Mapre, Mercury, Metlife, Chubb, Hanover, AARP, Travelers, Golden Eagle, Nationwide, California Auto, Foremost, Liberty Mutual, State Fund, and around 4 more that I can't pull out of my head. The cheapest quote received was from Mercury Insurance for: 15/30/15 UM:10 MEDICAL:1000 COMP:1000 COLL:1000 No rental Premium: $2,103.90 It's basically what the car is worth if not more. Do you happen to know other non-exclusive companies that would take her? She has a clean DMV record. FSC is pulling very high premiums. Thank you very much.""

Is free Health Insurance and Food Stamps considered economics?

My sister says food stamps and health insurance are government. What are they exactly?

Are fire insurance mandatory in California(near Los angeles)?

If a house is all paid for, is fire insurance still mandatory? If your house catches on fire and gets completely burned down, when does fire insurance pay you? Also how does fire insurance determine how much to pay you?""

Does insurance go with the driver?

If I have insurance on my car does that mean I can drive another car using that same policy without adjusting if its an temporary thing?

Do group health insurance plans provide for covering costs of auto insurance?

Can You get Insured for a car thats not yours?

My girlfriends car is un insurenced and she got her L's suspended can i get insurence if im driving her car now?

If i dont have insurance and i drive a friends car in which he has insurance on it.?

What would happen? would my friend be liable, and would he have to pay everything? or would his insurance cover his car?""

Where can i find car insurance for less than $50?

""Buying used car, no insurance, 18 yr old 2 year driver?""

I just need to know the process before buying a used car, i found a good deal on a car, and it's an 80 mile drive to san diego. I have a nevada license which i'll be changing to a ca license by tomorrow and I'll be getting a temporary license until they mail me the card. What is the process of buying a used car. title and all of those things. Because i'll be driving back with no insurance, and i can't get one until i bring it back to my side of town. Can i get a temp one? or i can use the one that is with the car? do i have to do this process at dmv in san deigo? complicated process""

Is landlord responsible for pool insurance?

We signed a lease that required us to take out insurance for $ 500,000 if we used the pool and planned on having guests use the pool also . They also wanted the insurance to cover themselves . When speaking to our insurer, USAA, they said our renters insurance , which included $100,000 liability, would cover us having anyone besides us use the pool or being on our property in general . The landlord was responsible for having insurance for the pool and the house to protect themselves and they told us we were not responsible for paying for insurance for the landlord . The property was in Norfolk VA . We just wanted to know if he landlord was trying to get us to pay for their share of insurance when it wasn't our responsibility and if we were right to have stuck with USAA advice .""

Can you get car insurance in British Columbia from anyone other than ICBC?

I've been searching around and it seems that nobody will sell insurance in a province that has a government insurance agency?

Will my insurance cover a stolen rental car that I loaned to someone?

I have a great insurance company, but I don't even know if ANY insurance company would cover this. I rented a car with my neighbor (i.e. we agreed to split it), but I'm the ...show more""

Roughly how much is motorbike(moped) insurance for a 16 year old UK?

I'm 14 and im gonna start saving up to get a motorbike Im hopefully gonna talk my dad into paying for the CBT and splitting the cost of the bike, ill pay for the Provisional and insurance. So roughly how much is insurance per month for a 16 year old on a 50cc as a first time rider""

Is having a health insurance mandatory in California?

I am moving from Massachusetts to California at the end of this month. In Massachusetts its mandatory to have health insurance and if you don't have it you can get penalized on your taxes. Is it mandatory in California as well?

Whats an Average Insurance Quote For a 15 year old?

I recently bought a car, so its not a family car. Its a vw manx buggy i use it to go the desert with my brother who is 25. I need insurance and I am wondering how much average it would cost to put just me on the plan. Our current insurance is wawanesa so maybe their price??""

Why would insurance for a 50cc cost 500?

its a 2007 50cc motorbike which i would like to insure in aberdeen, kept in a garage and locked. im 16 and have passed my cbt but not full lisence, the cheapest quote i could get was 480, and that was third party cover only. is their anything i can do to lower the cost and where can i get a cheaper quote http://www.pistonheads.com/sales/1898234.htm < the bike""

How much do i have to pay for my insurance? i just got my license!?

im 17 years old. i don't know my credit score. i got my license 1 week ago. and i dont have a car i am going to drive my moms kia sedona 2004. and i want to have infiniti insurance thats what my parents have please help me out?

Insurance and pregnancy...

I am planning to get pregnant in March, 2009. After working things out with my husband, it seems like the best time for us Anyway, my insurance policy will finish in August and I'll have to get new insurance (I won't be able to continue with my current insurance policy for reasons beyond the scope of this question). Will this cause me problems with the new insurance company (I still don't know what insurance I am going to purchase)? Will the NOT cover my pregnancy and delivery and consider it a pre-existing condition? What's your advice? We really don't want to postpone pregnancy any more and now is not the best time for us""

Do (UK) car insurance companies need to know the car's registered address?

I am a student and thus spend most of my time away from home - I receive correspondence to my university address and my car is kept there most of the time. Essentially all the details ...show more

What kinds of insurance should I have when you own your own home and are married.?

Please note I am confused about exactly what insurance does what , which ones are actually important. Presently we have a whole life policy insurance, a morgage insurance. Do we need another?""

How to upgrade my current auto insurance?

I'm currently looking for a financed car, but I don't want to make a purchase without first understanding how much my insurance will cost to upgrade to full coverage. I contacted my current auto insurance (GMAC Insurance/National General Insurance). I was told that in order to be quoted for a new car, they would have to delete my car from my policy & put the new car on. I'm not understanding why my car has to be deleted just to get a quote for something I haven't purchased. I'm constantly getting the run around with this. Shouldn't I just be able to be quoted the new car without it affecting my current policy?""

Waldwick New Jersey Cheap car insurance quotes zip 7463

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