#and if boundaries are crossed then they need to be enforced

[morallyinept]

I don't rant very often - it's negative energy that I don't want or need in my life - but I feel that as a fan of Pedro Pascal, I'd like to take a moment to highlight what being a fan actually means.

As clearly, some people, some "fans", have demonstrated having a hard time grasping that concept...

Being a fan of Pedro Pascal means I enjoy his career, his portfolio of works.

Sure, I enjoy his physical looks too; the man is certainly as handsome as they come, let's be real here. Yes, I find him attractive.

More importantly, I enjoy what Pedro stands for; his beliefs, his passions. He stands up for injustice, he is an LGBTQIA+ advocate and friend. He is a feminist. He is politcal. He's proud of his heritage.

Is Pedro perfect? Do I believe the sun shines out of his ass? No, he's human and has flaws and off days like the rest of us.

Ain't no-one that is perfect, babe. That's delusion talking if you truly believe that.

I enjoy that Pedro inspires me to be a better human being.

Being a true fan, to me, means only positive things.

It means respect.

It means respecting Pedro's boundaries, be that in person, or online.

It means respecting Pedro's privacy. He has the right, just like any one of us, to a personal life seperate from his career.

Pedro doesn't have to answer to you, me, or anyone else about his private life.

You are not entitled to him, or his time, just because he is a celebrity. (God, I fucking hate that word.) He does not owe you anything, and nor should he be expected to.

Pedro Pascal is a human being.

As a fan of Pedro, I will not write fanfic about him. Only his characters, because his characters are primarily the reason why I admire Pedro. His characters are how I discovered Pedro to begin with.

He can make me laugh, cry, fall in love, wince when he loses an arm, gasp when he double crosses the protagonist. I can survive a fungal apocalypse with his characters by my side.

That's an incredible testament to his talent as an actor that no matter what role he plays, I don't see Pedro on the screen. I only see his characters.

It's his job and he enjoys it. As a fan, I enjoy his craft.

If you do write about Pedro, that's up to you and I am not going to judge, but for me personally, it's a hard no. And I won't be reading any of it either, sorry.

As a fan of Pedro, I can draw the line between fantasy and reality. Meaning, I would never go out of my way to invite, devise, plant myself in deliberately, or exploit a situation where Pedro is in my personal space, or I in his.

Firstly, I'm a realist. And secondly if I ever met the guy, chances are I'd walk right past him and not even notice. (It's happened a lot, not with Pedro but with other actors etc... I live in the capital, there are a lot of them here.)

And thirdly, I am not a stalker.

I would never intentionally track him down in another country whilst he is working or vacationing, and then post about how slighted I am on IG that he told me to politely leave him alone because I was too persistent in getting too close. I would never relocate and uproot my life just to live near him in the hopes we bump into one another and fall desperately in love. 🙄

This is real life people, not a movie.

This kind of behaviour from Pedro's so-called fans is questionable, and frankly concerning to anyone with a sane mind.

I would also never bully or belittle anyone because their fan account is more popular than mine. I would never actively enforce or seek to enforce the deliberate closure of any fan accounts because I am petty or jealous.

Unfortunately this has happened and I am sorry to have heard about those who were affected by it - you did not deserve that.

Sadly, all these things have happened. For real. And it's utterly gross behaviour from, in most cases, fully grown women who are old enough to know better.

We are all here to enjoy and support Pedro, so why is that such a hard concept to grasp? Why does fandom have a toxic corner?

I'll tell you why.

Because thanks to social media, and platforms like Tumblr, it's all too easy to sit faceless behind a keyboard and do and say whatever you want, without any real consequence.

There are always a few bad eggs, in any fandom, who feel they are superior, that they know everything. That because they found a new image or a clip first that they are entitled to police everything. That they are entitled to dictate how fandom should be run.

I've got news for you; you're not.

Fandom is inclusive, sharing, a creative hub for ideas, inspiration. A place to forge friendships, relationships because you have common ground. The coming together of like-minded individuals to celebrate and endorse their admiration for their idol in a safe, non-threatening place.

A place for creativity to flow, for confidence in yourself to grow. To create original stories from canon, to create unique head canon because we don't want these lovable characters to die. To paint amazing pictures. To get excited over Pedro's new projects and discuss your favourites.

That's fandom. That's being a fan.

Being a fan doesn't mean creating, spreading, peddling or posting harmful material that 1) is frankly abhorrently disgusting and is not only insulting to Pedro, but also his family, his friends etc... and 2) could also be potentially damaging to his career.

I am referring to the vile deepfake of Pedro currently doing the rounds now on Tumblr because some idiot thought it was funny to clog up our timelines with it.

I don't want, or need, to see that, thanks.

And whoever created it originally should be fucking ashamed of themselves. I would wholly encourage you to report and block any accounts that have done this.

Imagine how you would feel if your face, your image was used and violated in that way.

You'd be outraged, right? Hurt? Sickened?

This kind of manipulation of AI is exactly what the WGA and SAG-AFTRA are concerned about and were/are striking for.

What Pedro is striking for, and then someone has the gall to pull this sickening stunt.

It's what artists are concerned about. What writers are concerned about. AI wasn't created to be abused in this way.

So, what makes you think that all this behaviour is acceptable to do to a man, who is nothing but generous and kind?

A man who would give you help, no questions asked, if he ran into you, in his own words:

And you have the audacity to call yourselves fans?

A man who, if he knew, what his "fans" do, I'm certain he would be absolutely disgusted and not condone any of it.

☝🏻Let me make it abundantly clear:

If you have looked for, deliberately searched for, posted, jerked off to, liked or shared that vile deepfake clip, video, pic - whatever the fuck it is - in any way then, YOU ARE NO FAN OF PEDRO PASCAL.

And I am certainly no fan of yours.

Do better. Don't be a dick.

#pedro pascal #jett has spoken

[pinkcarabiner]

It's no secret that consent online is just as important as consent irl. However, navigating consent on Tumblr can look a little bit different than in person. Here are some reminders on how to do so:

ASK before sending sexually forward messages or photos. Unless someone has it very clearly stated on their blog that they willingly accept sexual messages and photos, ask before you do so. Additionally, posting NSFW content ≠ consent. Remember that just because someone is not in a monogamous relationship does not necessarily mean they're seeking a partner or willing to flirt. If you're not sure, ASK!

RESPECT DNIs. Those are in place for a reason. People clearly state those who they are not comfortable interacting with. Do not cross that boundary. Especially respect age DNIs. No one under 18 should be engaging with NSFW content, but some blog set strict 21+ or 25+ rules.

BE CLEAR with your intentions. Tell that person exactly what you're looking for. Do not use the guise of friendship to seek out sexual attention. Do you want to just exchange messages or photos as well? Do you want something for just this once, or do you hope to maintain an ongoing relationship with this person?

"Yes" to exchanging sexual messages or sending photos is not a blanket statement. Be sure to establish boundaries/limits. This can include sexual acts that should not be discussed or whether or not you'll show your face in photos.

Understand that people's boundaries can change. Just because someone was once willing to exchange photos or sexual messages doesn't mean that they always will be. If they tell you "not right now" or "maybe later," that does not mean press them until they say yes. Respect the boundary and move on.

Not everyone wants to engage with NSFW content. Refrain from adding sexual tags/comments on SFW posts. Make your own post!

Respect "No" and "I'm not interested." Do not press someone or think you can change their mind. If someone blocks you, they want you to leave them alone. Do not make new blogs or message a sideblog to try to talk to them. If you saved photos they sent you, delete them.

Do not feel guilty about enforcing your own boundaries. If someone crosses a line, you have every right to tell them they made you uncomfortable or block them. You don't need to sacrifice your comfort level to appease others.

Be safe, remember consent, and have fun!!

#🎀 #thank you to the lovely femme who helped me write this post #consent #sapphic nsft #lesbian nsft #wlw nsft #nsft

[wordsinhaled]

for the love of... i don’t even know what to invoke??? don’t send neil gaiman asks about ships and don’t drag him into fandom purity culture bullshit oh my god

HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN FANDOM why is that so hard for people to understand???

listen neil gaiman is a queer ally but that doesn’t mean he signed up to be the fucking arbiter of whether or not you are allowed to ship dream and the corinthian, or any other characters, for that matter

the actual truth is if you want to you can and absolutely no one should stop you, least of all the author himself, who already gives us not only loads of canon queer representation but also full carte blanche to interpret his work any way we see fit and leave him out of it (as is his right)

if you lack the contextual comprehension to understand that dream’s creations are only his metaphorical children, the endless are siblings but are probably only loosely related (because they’re all personifications of concepts after all), and also people are allowed to have kinks without personally harming you, then like... perhaps figure all of that out before you harass shippers to the point where they feel the need to go to authors for validation

and on top of that the same people who are purportedly so concerned with stuff like boundaries and barriers and comfort and whatever are making some fans feel so needlessly harassed that they in turn cross an author’s very reasonable boundary of wanting to be minimally involved in the interpretation of his own work

on top of all of that it is wild to me that the queer community has become so overtaken with this moralizing rhetoric that neil, of all people, is now being called on to enforce purity culture by members of our own family??? i am not calling him flawless by any means but this is the same neil gaiman who has been under fire since the literal 1980s from right-wing groups that felt that the sandman was too queer or too radical or too generally threatening to the conservative status quo, yet he still stood fast to his creative vision and to including representation of our community in the comics

like. the same neil who wrote “death talks about life” and was working to normalize and destigmatize queerness before some of the folks imposing purity culture on his works were even born???

it’s just like... abundantly clear from some of this Discourse that some of the folks putting forth this vitriol toward shippers and now unnecessarily extending the discussion to him do not have an understanding of our history. these are the same people who try to tell people the labels they’ve been using for themselves for 20, 30, 40 years are wrong or offensive, who try to isolate groups within the community and create barriers between queer elders and queer youth because of perceived predatoriness that simply isn’t there. and i wish these folks would gain a little understanding of the context, touch some grass, meet some queer folks out in the world and stop acting like this

#GOD I’M TIRED

[charmedreincarnation]

As most people don’t know I just want to say I’m definitely more into shifting than any other spiritual practice as that is something very much apart of my life and I’m indulged in. Not to say I don’t care or want to talk about other stuff but I know way more about shifting and stuff related to that than the void state !!!! I love dicussion about quantum jumping, the multi verse, time, 3D vs 4D, chakras, plus I have so many shifting stories hehe. Don’t get me wrong, I love void discussions, it’s a fascinating thing and other Loa inquires but I also want to talk about shifting more because that’s something I’ve actually mastered 😋😋 I’ve also been in the shifting community for way longer than the void community so I have more years of experience, and have met so many people who have educated me so much more than for example the void state!

Anyways here are my reality shifting tips that I talk about often and can also be applied to manifesting (for those who separate the two concepts) and even the void state or whatever you desire

1. You are limitless.

When I first started I had a bunch of questions about limits and what I can and can’t do, and what are the boundaries I can’t cross after learning about this phenomenon. Now I can say, you make to own rules because you quiete literally are god. If you can intend and imagine it, you can make it your perception and reality. This can be applied to anything, shifting, manifesting, even something as minuscule as playing a sport or passing a test. Society did use to tell us we can do anything if we put our mind to it and to dream big and reach for the sky, but it truly is a real concept I wish they ingrained in us a little more. Unfortunately for society, us being prepared to work 9-5s to give back to the government is more important. You don’t have to follow that path though, you found this for a reason so utilize it to live your dream life. It’s your life and your rules

2. this ties back with point one but the universe doesn’t shift you, because you are the universe

every time I browse shifting communities it’s someone saying you have to shift like this or that.. for the universe, or other false concepts like divine timing Well, the universe doesn’t care respectfully, because we are the universe. You can ask for help from the universe if that’s your belief and manifest your environment to help in your biddings but at the end of the day, it’s all you. This is why when people try to enforce cutting karmic ties, doing shadow work, learning about chakras, giving back to the universe, etc, it can be counter productive to your journey. While that can help SOME PEOPLE… it’s not what everyone needs or should even do. I’m not methodical at all and that stuff didn’t mean much to me and when I tried to force myself to care and it honestly slowed me down and was a waste of time. You know yourself and what you need. So follow your heart and intuition!

3. if I could tattoo this in everyone’s mind I would but feeling is much more important than visualizing or affirmation.

The feeling is the single-handed most important concept that everyone can utilize. A lot of people are bad visualizers and think it’s the end of the world when the feeling is what changes your visualizations into reality. I’m a maladaptive daydreamer so trust me when I took the visualization part and only did that, I got super sad when it didn’t help me shift since it’s something everyone preaches is so important. I wish it was the key to shifting because I would have done it in seconds. But our subconscious can’t tell the difference between images we see in our heads/daydreams and reality, so it’s the feeling that changes the perception and awareness successfully. Someone asked me how to successfully “feel” so I’m just going to explain it here because I think it gets to the point.

It’s hard to feel something you’re not feeling. As for shifting.. that’s the content of knowing you’ll wake up in your dr, but then again if you haven’t shifted yet how would you know what it feels like. To us, it would be pure bliss, and a state of fulfillment, the same as accomplishing a goal. But it’s hard to feel the fulfillment while trying to fulfill it if it makes sense? That’s why most people utilize other things like music, to get to the happy feeling and pretend with that by using methods like the sunny or Estelle method but to me, that stuff is distracting so I just had to practice and enhance my “smelling, hearing, and tasting”

I think it’s easier to pretend to feel and see (as in the sense of feel) but it’s harder to try to feel like you’re smelling your dr, tasting food in your dr, and hearing other people in your dr. I would try visual practices like pretending to eat an apple. For me I’m a great visualizer (again I’m a maladaptive daydreamer) but could you get yourself to taste the apple and hear yourself eating the apple. And maybe feel annoyed because to me the crunch of an apple is so annoying lol. Could you embody the state of being annoyed?

Oh, yea also practices using the first person. That’s something I also struggled with because I like watching my visualizations but that’s not my feeling. That’s seeing, and you should use all 5 senses together

In short don’t just feel the happiness you know you would have, utilize your 5 senses in your imagination when trying to shift, it will bring you closer to your home.

4. stop running away from your problems under the guise of the law of assumption.

For a long time, I ignored my reality and would pretend oh “I’m going to shift anyways so it doesn’t matter” you’re not assuming you’re going to shift if you’re hoping to do it. I would say I assume it will happen then hope and beg for the universe to shift me. you can’t gaslight yourself to not have doubts lol and you may be saying you’re going to shift but again feelings trump affirmations and you feel in your heart you won’t so that’s your reality. Now I know a lot of people on here have hard-lives, it’s why and how a lot of people found shifting. But seriously try manifesting a better current reality you’re aware of while trying to shift. Manifesting and shifting are two sides of the same coin and you can easily intertwine them to benefit you both ways. Find what works for you. You’ll have a better time assuming you’ll shift when you’re not clouded with stress from your cr and the sadness you get from it. (Not saying you can’t shift if you’re sad depressed or have doubts, You can) I’m saying it helps to not feel a weighing pressure to shift to escape, instead of shifting to escape for your eternal happiness.

5. There is nothing wrong with escapism

This is such a huge discussion in the community and such a stupid one at that. Every form of entertainment is a source of escape. Watching tv, vacations, having friends, sleeping. It’s a normal part of the human psyche, why should we be forced to only work, go to school, and sleep and have that be are only life. Shifting can be for escaping! It is, wether you do it temporarily or permanently, and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. You shouldn’t be forced to stay here with everything wrong with the world, especially after you shift once you just know there’s so much better life out there for you. You are not confined to any reality, nor are you forced to stay anywhere you are not happy and anyone who tells you otherwise can shut their mouth. There is nothing wrong with change, and finding what makes you happy. The only thing wrong is staying where you’re not appreciated or happy when you have access to other sources. Please don’t let anyone gaslight you into feeling bad for prioritizing yourself and well being.

6.Lastly this ties back to the last point but find a support group whether in real or online

I know not everyone finds this to be some huge journey but I think we can all agree it’s become a huge part of your life. Find people to talk to not only about your journey but anything at all. I’ve made great shifting friends and they’re the only reason I’m coming back before I perma shift! I want to help them with their journeys before I go as well as all the amazing people on this subreddit who helped me.

Special note: All methods lead to shifting and manifesting successfully <3 behind every successful shifting method is a strong intention by the user of said method. All methods are doors to your desires, just choose which one you want to open, and don’t over complicate it! If you think your method work it will work.

that’s it. anything else could fall back into one of these categories! If one resonated with you, or all six or even 0, that’s fine! You’ll find what works for you as you go along but if this helps even one person I’ll be happy. sorry if it’s too long. I tried to keep it short and concise, cause I could probably go all day

#shiftblr #shiftinconsciousness #reality shifting #law of attraction #law of assumption #manifesting

[im-getting-help]

AND THE THING ABOUT OLIVER AND BOUNDARIES!

Is so obvious to me that his parents were party at fault for his lack of boundaries. Not because they we're malicious and intentional about it, but because they loved him so much they tend to cross his limits.

(Kinda like what Oliver did with Felix, but less obsessive).

From my experience it's something relatively normal about the relationship between parents and their children. The first time we really understand boundaries is when we enforce them to separate ourselves from our parents expectations. It seems to me that Oliver never learned how to do that. He's constantly molding himself to appease and appeal, and when it becomes to much, he flees.

Let's go back to the little things Paula and Jeff share with us in that brief birthday scene.

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself"

"He was so clever, that's why he found it hard to make friends, they were jealous".

"It's been hard not seeing him. But it must be a lot of pressure being the top scholar and being in the rowing team, and the union, and the plays..."

Let's start with the lies.

How long ago Oliver started lying to his parents to make space for himself?

Cause the lies don't necessarily feel like something he used to impress them. It seems to me like the Quicks already thought Oliver was exceptionally smart "he was always so clever" and he's just keeping appearances.

But the amount of things he said he did. The plays, the rowing team, the union, the work of studying to maintain the "top scholar position" like reading, doing work and essays and projects, assisting to classes, lectures and tutorials, it's a lot!.

"It's been hard not seeing him". How many times Paula called just to be ignored or quickly dismissed? with an excuse like "sorry i have an essay due tomorrow" or "im going to practice for the play". And why Oliver wanted to separate himself so much from his family?

"He always wanted to be an only child, always beetling off by himself" why would Oliver wanted to separate himself not only from his parents but his siblings too?

The Quicks said that "We go to to Mykonos every year. Well, not anymore. Not now that the kids are all grown up". That makes me think that Oliver sisters are older than him. Oliver doesn't seem to have a close relationship with them either. Was it because of the age gap? How much older were her sisters? Maybe they had to babysit and that created a second-mother kind of dynamic?

It sounds like he was being smothered by them. And again, i'm not saying it was intentional, but maybe Oliver needed much more space that what the Quicks were able or willing to give. And he didn't know how to ask.

And maybe (only maybe cause i don't really have good foundation for this) Oliver learned that the best way to get space from them was saying he was occupied, specifically studying. So maybe it started at school, him saying that he had to finish homework or read a book or do project, and maybe these were the only times he'll be left alone. Maybe that was the perfect excuse to explain why he didn't have many friends too.

(and i wonder why a kid with no sense of boundaries would have a hard time making friends 👀)

And why Oliver keeps lying?

After moving to Oxford, he could've just draw back and create that space without making an excuse. But he didn't, because he cares, he likes that his family thinks he's intelligent and capable. But he doesn't care for spending time with them.

I don't think he said all those lies to look especially intresting or important, but he did choose to "be occupied" by being a good student. Not in a "i won an award for best performance" but a "I'm too busy to talk, i have tutorial"

And look at the way the Quicks react to Oliver saying he has to go, is very interesting.

Paula just gives up instantly. She offers a compromise, and when rejected she's obviously frustrated but she just lets it go. On the other hand Jeff tries to reason with his son a little "your mother spent all morning doing lunch" but they seem very accustomed to this situation. It's not the first time Oliver escapes a conversation.

So, to me, is obvious that Oliver's parents knowingly or unknowingly contributed to Oliver's lack of healthy boundaries.

He never really draw the line with them, he just made excuses to avoid and elude and ultimately flee when the situation got out of hand. And they never picked up on it, they kept repeating the same scenarios multiple times without having a conversation about it.

I feel like his parents never really confronted him about anything. Maybe because they didn't sense anything was wrong, maybe because, same as the Cattons, they didn't know how to approach the situation or maybe because they know Oliver gets really fcking upset whenever they tried to have a conversation about it, who knows.

So at the end we have a 20yo dude who never learned how to enforce a boundary or why is healthy to have them and has absolutely no idea how to perceive and not cross others limits.

#Idk #Oliver's parents fascinate me #his whole family actually #why is Oliver the way he is? #if his family is so normal #(is the undiagnosed bpd) #the magical thing about families is that they don't need to be hostile towards eachother to develop unhealthy dynamics #sometimes the simple fact that their ways of communicating don't match is enough to create trauma and hurtful cycles #Oliver go to therapy i beg you please im on my knees go to therapy ily please #oliver quick #saltburn #felix catton

[antimony-medusa]

I read your post on boundaries and the MCYT community recently and have been thinking about as posts that contradict it cross my dash, and I’ve been reflecting on how a lot of what we call “boundaries” are more just like. Community rules? Like take “no sexualization,” for instance. If I’m talking to someone at my workplace, I am not comfortable with them making sexual remarks about me. If someone did, I would tell them so, and not engage in that conversation with them. That’s an actual boundary — something governing how people interact with ME that I am in charge of enforcing. I don’t say “no one is allowed to think anything sexual about me at work ever or tell their friends I’m hot” bc that’s just insane and none of my business, quite frankly. Streamers are well within their rights to say they aren’t comfortable seeing people sexualizing them in their chat or like very publicly on Twitter, but saying no one can sexualize them ever is actually just a community rule, not a personal boundary. Based on how I understand what a boundary is, it can’t be boundary breaking to do something that a creator definitely will not see, because the creator isn’t interacting with the content, and boundaries are about governing comfort in interactions. And saying “I don’t want there to be sexualization or sexual content about me in the main tags bc my main audience is children who browse those tags and they shouldn’t be exposed to that” is a reasonable enough rule to ask your community to follow, but it’s just straight up not a boundary? Like am I misunderstanding what a boundary is? I’m confused bc I’m seeing all this stuff about boundary breaking content and how it’s disgusting even if the creator will never see it and I just don’t get it?

Yeah, I think this is a situation where we're using words to mean something they don't technically mean (see also, "lore"), and then this leads to us also having community arguments about what is acceptable, and it's all totally unnecessary.

Cause the workplace comparison is a good one! If I was telling fellow coworkers how hot they were when they'd said they didn't want to hear that, or walking up to the barista and saying that I wanted them to weigh in on the porn I'd written about them, that would be workplace sexual harrasment and, depending on the severity of the situation, literally a crime I could be charged with. Absolutely inappropriate to do, and I can't express how extremely fair it is that streamers get to say no to that. I am FULLY in support of CCs setting those limits for their spaces and think it's healthy and we all need to respect that.

But "boundaries", as a term, is technically about controlling your own behaviour and people's access to you. You set a boundary and say to your parents "if you bring up grandkids at the christmas meal I will be leaving", or "if you mention [latest discourse] on my blog I will block you". It's about controlling your experiences via your own behaviour and the stuff that you actually see. CC equivalent is saying that any sexualization or shipping in their chats or replies will lead to a block or a ban. That's them controlling their own experience and that's A-ok. Asking a CC to weigh in on what sort of fan work they're comfortable being shown, that's also about them controlling their own experience and is totally fair.

Asking a CC to weigh in on what sort of fan work exists in general— that's not boundaries any more, that's something else entirely. The closest equivilent is companies trying to control what sort of materiel their image or trademarked material show up in, I think? Which is a thing you can do when you're licensing your image, but isn't actually a thing you can do with fan works. Celebrities get to say no they're not going to appear in a commercial advertising an oil company, because they have a moral disagreement with oil companies, but that's because the interaction there is a company offering to pay them money for their image and them declining the money. That's not how fan works operate. The celebrity isn't in a position to decline the money for their "image" being used, because no money is being offered, because the fan isn't making money. It's not a copyright/licensing situation, it's fan works. The celebrity shouldn't be part of the conversation at all, because they should never see that.

And like, there's issues of impersonation or endorsement where it's bad form to do something that looks like it comes from the celebrity, as though they approve of what is being depicted, which is why AI voice lines and deepfakes are being increasingly spoken out against. But man, someone writing Captain Puffy's and PearlescentMoon's cubitos kissing each other on Ao3 and keeping it on Ao3 is not a situation where celebrity endorsement or licensing or impersonation comes in at all. That's a conversation totally within the fandom, without the creators involved. And I really disagree with asking the creator to treat all of fandom like their community, which they should moderate and like, control their image and make kids-and-advertiser-friendly, because that's not how fandom works and also that is unfair to ask of them.

Can one or both of the creators say they don't want to see that? Totally fair. That's a boundary. Can they say that it shouldn't exist in their main tag that kids check? I'm on the side of tagging things to keep them away from minors and people who don't want to see it anyways, rock on. That's a community rule. Can they say that it should never exist ever, anywhere on the internet? That's just not how this works. A) that's not how fan works have ever worked, fan works are for transforming and celebrating existing canon, not for creator approval, and we should stop shoving all of them in creators' faces or asking them to weigh in, B) "boundaries" is entirely the wrong word for what's going on there, like you said. Cause is the mere existence of a thing in a seperate space infriging on the creator's experience and reasonable for them to control? That's what a boundary is, this isn't. C) This isn't even community rules that it makes sense for them to moderate! When you are talking about an entirely different space, cut off from the CCs, doing their own thing to the characters, with age barriers and trigger warnings built in, "boundaries" isn't the right term, but also this doesn't make sense as a space that we're inviting creators into to moderate. This is a seperate space, and stories or art in it aren't hurting people, even if the cc's wouldn't want to see that or even want them in their main community tabs. So yeah when it comes to us enforcing our own community rules, keeping creator boundaries and community rules in mind, the mere existence of a thing does not seem to me like the end of the world. A lot of people have come out and said that all our work needs to be sqeaky clean and able to be shown in the creator's chat, as though the creator is moderating the space and their personal boundaries are involved. And (listing things yet again, this is a post of lists), first of all there's a real focus on sexualization in that case and never on things like family dynamic or kidfic or gore or whump that could also make creators uncomfortable if it was shoved in their faces. (But somehow when anyone brings up those "boundaries" everyone comes to the conclusion that something entirely off on the internet somewhere and never shown to the creators is not going to harm them. Curious.) And second of all, I just disagree that that's a good way to run a fandom community. This is a space for fans, not for the creators, bringing up the "weird stuff" publically to creators is incredibly cruel to people who shouldn't have to see that, AND it's a bad atmosphere for creativity to always want the creators to approve things, fandom is for saying "fuck the man" and doing your own thing. Just tag it to keep it away from people who don't want to see it, and filter the tags for your own experience. Keep everything in its own space and you're good. There's tons of stuff in the fandom that isn't to my taste, ranging from characters that just don't do it for me to tropes that are active turn offs to people writing and undertagging things in ways that is concerning to me. We have got to learn to say "that's not for me" and "that's not for the cc" and put it away (block if you have to) and move on.

#discourse #fandom meta #long post #ask #anon

[inkskinned]

guilty because i put up a boundary. guilty because i enforced it. i want to eat my own fist. hate the whole of it.

i tell my therapist that i don't really feel like i need boundaries. i say i am comfortable with most things; i'll figure it out as i go along. she says: that's a fawn response. i laugh about it, because it's either laugh about it or do something about it.

the thing is that once i like someone, i'll forgive them for anything. they don't even have to apologize for it. they could step over each of my desires and take all my teeth. it might take me a little while, but i'd get over it. i'd say: oh, she was having a hard day, and didn't realize i was serious about my safety. i'd say: he's always had anger issues, i feel bad that he hasn't been responding well to therapy. i'd say: you know, it kind of isn't fair of me to expect them to know i don't want to get hurt, i should have been more clear and repeated what i wanted.

i tell other people i'm easy-going. sometimes i get called good natured or happy-go-lucky. i am not able to list traits that i like about myself without mentioning how i help other people. i let people desiccate me and then i say - well, as long as they're happy.

i have been a bad person, is the thing. when i was really sick. and honestly sometimes even when i was doing better. i've hurt other people, and i don't want other people to hurt the way i did. i only have friends because others have forgiven me for the wrong i have done. i only have gotten this far because someone else gave me patience, and kindness, and help.

so it's not fair of me to set a boundary, ever. plus, if i set one and it is broken - that just hurts. and when someone crosses that line i drew, i have to take an action in response. i have to kick someone out of my life (as if i have so many other options) or i have to confront them about it (as if that doesn't make me cry) or. if i take the easy route: i have to simply accept that it happened and internalize it and move on; let it go without a fight.

i can't control, after all, how other people react to my boundaries. they probably are unfair boundaries anyway. it's easier if i just control how i react to the pain - if i just ignore it, and hope it goes away. no need to blow this out of proportion. no need to make a fuss. this way all the hurt stays inside of me, and doesn't slip out and get into anyone. this way is better, right.

who cares what it does to me.

#trauma response #spilled ink

[theambitiouswoman]

How do I set boundaries for people that are in my life?

Learning how to set boundaries may take time to establish and feel comfortable enforcing them effectively. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate this process and never feel bad about boundaries you are setting for your own well being. Do not let others make you question your decisions.

Reflect on your own needs, values, and limits. Decide what is acceptable and what is not in your relationships. Think about what behaviors or actions from others make you uncomfortable or cross your personal boundaries.

Once you have a clear understanding of your needs and limits, decide on specific boundaries you want to set. These can be related to time, personal space, emotional support, communication, or any other aspect of the relationship.

Clearly and confidently communicate your boundaries to the individuals involved. Use "I" to express how their actions or behaviors impact you and why you need to set those boundaries. Be direct, honest, and respectful.

Consistency is key when it comes to maintaining boundaries. Follow through with the boundaries you have set and be consistent in enforcing them. This helps establish clear expectations and lets others know you are serious about them.

Setting boundaries also means taking care of yourself. Make sure you are meeting your own needs. This might mean saying no to requests or activities that drain you, carving out time for yourself, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Some individuals may resist or challenge the boundaries you set. Especially when you first introduce them. Stay firm and resolute in maintaining your boundaries, even if it is met with resistance. Remember that setting boundaries is for your own well-being and is a healthy practice in relationships.

If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, start by setting small boundaries and gradually work your way up. This can help build your confidence and make it easier to establish more significant boundaries in the future.

Setting boundaries can sometimes make you feel guilty. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary for your well-being. Remind yourself that setting boundaries is a healthy and necessary part of maintaining healthy relationships.

Instead of focusing on what you don't want, communicate what you do want or need from others. This approach can foster better understanding and cooperation.

Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and support your efforts to set them.

Lead by example. Setting boundaries is not only about communicating your needs, but also respecting the boundaries of others. Lead by example and respect the boundaries set by others in your life.

[dumplingsjinson]

Let me just uh, set some hard fucking boundaries with some of you people in regards to MY relationship.

Do not keep questioning my choices on MY relationship.

First of all, you're not in this relationship. Let me mess up and find out, if worse comes to worst. Let me fuck around and find out. I'm not going to blame you for not warning me, don't worry. Seriously. So stop questioning me.

Don't keep asking me, "Why don't you label things with him? I think it's bullshit that there are no labels. What's the POINT of this relationship if you're not labelled as such and such? You're just wasting your time. Stop that. It's weird. This doesn't seem right to me. Why call it exclusive if there's no labels?"

Let me fucking date how I want, damn. Let me be in a goddamn relationship how I want, without me needing to explain myself to you. You, who I don't even know. You, who's not even a mere acquaintance of mine. Even my friends aren't questioning me, so who are YOU to question me when you know virtually NOTHING about our relationship?

Why are YOU, as someone who doesn't know the full fucking picture, trying to enforce your rigid little rules onto ME? If you like labels and only commit strictly with someone once those labels are established, good for you! Do you!

But don't go on the internet, read the stuff someone shares (which doesn't paint the whole picture, mind you, because I'm not sharing my whole goddamn life biography on here) and then go running into their inbox and yell at them for their choices, or because their choices differs from yours. Don't do that because you don't KNOW them. Don't act like you know everything from the small details you've read. Yes, I share things on here, but only things I'm comfortable sharing. Surface level shit, basically.

What you think is normal isn't always someone else's normal. Please remember that.

The way some of you act in my inbox... It's embarrassing at best and disgustingly rude and kind of intrusive and also insulting at worst. And because you've got the anon feature on, you think you can just say anything. (That's a whole other rant I've been wanting to get off my chest. I've got a few drafts I've never posted that are from months ago lmfao).

Now, to tone down the aggressiveness for a fraction of as second, I get you care about me and it's probably coming from a good place, but I am TWENTY. THREE.

Let me remind you.

TWENTY THREE.

Not three.

Not thirteen.

TWENTY. FUCKING. THREE.

I can make my own decisions. I am a legal adult, probably moreso than some of you out here coming into my inbox and full on trying to start an interrogation with me like I did something wrong for wanting to do things MY way for MY relationship.

And SLIGHTING me for my choices is where I'm setting the hard boundary at.

DO NOT, and I repeat:

DO NOT...

...under any circumstances, come into my inbox and act like I'm a dumb fucking bitch. (I am a dumb fucking bitch, but I'm also a self aware dumb fucking bitch. There's a difference.)

I know what I'm doing, I know the consequences, I know what I'm in for. I'm not fucking stupid and naive. I'm not a 13 year old about to start her first relationship with her high school crush.

So stop treating me like a donkey, and stop questioning my choices. Remember, as harsh as this sounds, some of you need to hear this and REALISE this: You've got no place in my life to do that. Absolutely fucking none.

Learn to read the room and learn that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

OH, I need to add this here. Before some of you come into my inbox and ask me WHY I'm sharing shit if I'm not open to opinions on my choices... There's a difference between opinions and civil discussions, and crossing someone's boundaries and questioning their choices because you think YOUR way of doing things is the right way to do things.

Just because I share some stuff on here doesn't mean that warrants you an automatic pass to shit on my choices. Fuck that bullshit, because that's just shitty behaviour and you need to look inwards and realise you're doing a lot more harm than good by being a piece of shit to someone you essentially do not know.

Remember, if you won't say this shit to someone in real life while looking them in the eyes, then don't fucking say it on anon in some stranger's inbox. That's a dick move, and you're a prick if you do that. Fix yourself, for the sake of humanity.

That is all.

#long post #i've had had it up to here with some of you ngl #boundaries need to be set #long rant about some people in my inbox #rant #vent #i'm not adding a read more because i need some of you guys to read this whole thing #esp those anons sliding into my inbox and bitching about #don't go into my inbox and dress yourself up as anonymous so you can shit on my choices #i fucking hate that and i can tell you right off the bat if you do that #i do not want to be associated with the likes of you #i'm about to shame anyone who comes into my inbox after this and acts like assholes lmao #idc bc you deserve it if you read this and still continue to bitch about

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

that whole page of "i am not your idol" comes across really goofy and cringey when the person who wrote that was more than likely joking and it was not nearly that deep

i get where you’re coming from, it was definitely a little dramatic. but i felt like if i didn’t immediately make things abundantly clear, the boundary wouldn’t stick. this is the piss on the poor website, so i felt like i needed to go really hard since it was a point that was really important to me. i’ve since dm’d with the person who did that original tag and they were super chill about it, didn’t mean it seriously but understood how it could come across as serious. and like if i let enough non-serious crossings of boundaries slide it make it harder to enforce those boundaries in the future. so yeah it was a little over the top but i felt strongly enough about it where i needed to take it a little too seriously. i’m also overly verbose by nature so i have a tough time making a concise point, that post probably could’ve been shorter (much like this reply) but i’m genuinely really bad at not writing like three paragraphs when one would do

#not a car id #asks #anon

[arbitrarygreay]

So I have this hot take, which is that Utena did nothing wrong during the first arc's Touga episodes. People high on having freshly discovered fictional analysis love to make a lot of hay about Utena not paying attention and ordering Anthy to say what she wants to hear. Implicit is that therefore Utena deserves to have lost, as well as being as complicit as the rest of the Student Council. Such analysis tends to also point to the later 3rd arc moments where Utena admits that she was selfish about her prince self-image. I now find this analysis pretty facile. Per my current Utena post with the most notes, the girl is 14, not even in high school, and an orphan. Holding her to the standards of immortals operating on 5 layers of subtext isn't something we should do to anyone, much less a 14 year old orphan. In fact, I'd think that Utena was showing a higher respect of Anthy's agency to assume that she wouldn't take such obvious rhetoric as a literal command, because Utena was treating her as an equal who is allowed to either disagree with her or might appreciate someone speaking in solidarity for her. What benefit is there to policing Utena's already extremely milquetoast language? (And that doesn't even get into the part where Anthy was lying the whole time about her obligation to obey her "groom". The whole point of the damn show is that she could chose to disobey even Akio. Utena never had any authority over Anthy, and neither did Utena have any evidence of an enforcement mechanism for that obedience, which is why Utena thought that she could dispose of that power dynamic by simply saying "nah, we're not doing that", which is fully reasonable to think!) Watching Star, another aspect comes into play, which is culture clash, particularly as it applies to class dynamics. In Star (which is centered on Atlanta Black culture), people talk over each other and make orders on others' behalf and order each other to do things incessantly. Speaking in the declarative just how they talk. Noticing, much less having or respecting boundaries is for for the people who didn't grow up in the lower class (and so scoffed at by the people in the neighborhood). In fact, not crossing those boundaries is often a limitation on getting ahead, dictated by the need to hustle. Being overly familiar with each other is often cast as a love language. Holding back for dignity is seen as class privilege, and the upper class in turn wrongly sneer at the apparent lack of sensitivity as vulgarity. What does RGU look like if it was set in inner-city America? What does that first Touga arc look like? How should 14 year old orphans speak when defending their friends from bullies? What ethical/moral judgements should be imposed upon their language?

#revolutionary girl utena #shoujo kakumei utena #star (tv) #category: anime #category: tv

[moonlit-positivity]

Some things about boundaries:

The word "boundary" is just a word that means "a line".

A line can be drawn for any situation, at any time, for any reason at all.

A line can be drawn for many reasons. Maybe you're tired of being treated a certain way, you're tired of giving finances to someone, you're tired of a parent treating you poorly, you're tired of taking on responsibilities that leave you drained. You have to draw a line.

The line is to separate you from the actions and behaviors and stresses of others.

The line is necessary bc without it, you're left suffering- often in silence.

You have to determine when, where, and how to draw that line.

The line can be drawn by removing yourself from the situation.

The line can also be drawn by making others aware of your lines ahead of time.

You can do this by spending some time considering what your lines need to be, when they need to be enforced, and how you'd like to enforce them.

There is no guarantee that others will respect your lines.

This is the first and most prevalent sign that you need to limit, withdraw, or consider other ways to protect your lines.

It is never your fault when others cross your lines. Sometimes it's unintentional. Mistakes do happen. But if it's a repeat offense then the problem lies with the person repeatedly disrespecting you, not you.

That being said, repeat line breakers often do not understand that you deserve respect. This is why it's up to you to draw that line in other ways.

Your lines are precious and absolutely deserve to be protected, respected, and considered in every aspect of your life.

Your lines can fluctuate. You can change your mind at any time. You can have strict lines with some people, and loose lines with others. You can change a loose line to a more stricter line, and vice versa. Please consider thinking long and hard before you do.

Lines can be hard to determine. Please do not be hard on yourself for not understanding how to draw them, or what they even mean. You deserve the time and space to figure it out.

Lines can absolutely be drawn with authority figures, medical practitioners, family members, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, and other people who hold power over us.

You should never feel ashamed about drawing your lines. Your lines are precious. Your lines are there to protect you. Honor them well. Surround yourself with people who ask and honor them too.

Some lines can be as simple as "I dont respond to texts after 8pm." Some lines can be "i will block this person because they hurt me." Some lines can be "I am forced to interact with this person so I will be nice in passing, but I will not allow them any other access beyond that." Some lines can be "I don't give out personal information to people I don't feel safe with." Some lines can be "this situation causes me a lot of stress so I will step away and reconsider."

All lines are valid.

Lines do not have to be understood in order to be respected.

Everyone on this earth is entitled to drawing lines. You are included.

Lines are not just limited to adults. Children are allowed to draw lines too. It is necessary to allow them to.

So many lines can be drawn in life. Personal space lines, bodily autonomy lines, emotional lines, financial lines, work space lines, friendship lines, relationship lines, social justice lines, spiritual lines, personal lines, and so many more.

People who use your lines against you are not to be trusted.

Pay attention to the ones who justify crossing your lines. Those people are dangerous and should not be ignored.

You are allowed to draw lines even when others are mad at you or insist that your lines are too much.

If you are having trouble setting a line in motion, do some heavy thinking about what the hardest part is and go from there.

Sometimes in order to draw a line, we have to get comfortable with changing our current position in life. Sometimes the people we need to draw lines with are so intertwined with our lives that we have to uproot our entire system in order to cope & move forward. Please treat yourself with compassion while you figure it out.

You are always worth the effort to draw a line. No matter how big or small that line has to be.

Hope this can help. 🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #setting boundaries #saying no #codependency #people pleasing #communication #emotional health #emotional regulation #self work #self care #inner work #personal growth #advice #life advice

[chxrrylime]

Hi! I really love your writing and i have this idea stuck in my head for so long i just had to request it from you.

Angst about anyone from Cod characters you write with male reader.

They just returned from a mission or just had a hard week and are really overworked. They get mad about something small that the reader does and scream at him for it. The reader gets really sad and when they realize what they did they apologize to him. Maybe some soft smut at the end or whatever you want. I leave it to you.

I hope this is okay with you and thank you infront <3

It's suggestive at the end but nothing explicit! It's in the content tags but just want to mention outright that Soap and reader's relationship could be seen as a little unhealthy/abusive because of what happens, and I want to enforce there's never an excuse to hit your partner (unless it's a sexy consensual thing).

Soap x M!Reader ↪ 1575 words — ANGST.

Content tags — unhealthy relationship, arguments, borderline physical abuse, apologies, Soap's in a bad headspace.

Soap’s near blinding optimism often meant people neglected to realize just when he crossed the line into frustration, and sometimes rage. Rookies learned quickly that messing around with their sergeant was usually okay, but there was a certain point he would snap and have their asses handed to them. There were boundaries.

The 141 knew that nothing frustrated Soap more than red tape—the footering around by the brass that meant sitting and waiting when a potential target could be going into hiding, or worse, continuing to hurt people. It was times like those when the squad knew to leave him be and let him run or punch it out in the gym. 

Except, you were new enough to the team to not have seen that side of Soap just yet. Sure, a bit of scolding to the privates a few times, but not that festering rage that stemmed from Soap feeling useless.

So you had no frame of reference—not to mention, things had been going really smoothly with the most recent target. Smooth enough where you and Gaz got to sit out the last mission. 

You weren’t yet informed of how it went, Price having delayed debriefing since they’d gotten back so late, urging the boys to rest up and be back in his office in the morning.

And so you had no way of knowing that the whole thing had gone ass up—that they caught the guy but not before the intel they needed to actually pin him was wiped, so they had to let him go. Soap looked tired in Price’s office, brows a bit furrowed and eyes hard, but nothing to hint the magnitude of the storm in his head and chest.

It was late when you entered the kitchen, the overhead LEDs dimmed down and buzzing softly in the cool night air. Soap was hunched over at the metal table, a rocks glass brimming with amber liquid next to him as he slowly scrolled through something on his tablet. 

“Hi, Johnny,” you said softly, not wanting to startle him out of his focus. He didn’t even flinch, glancing up to you with a half-glare before returning to the screen. You frowned.

“Are you okay?” 

“Solid,” he responded stiffly, still not bothering to look at you, “get what you need and get out. I’m busy.”

You raised a brow at him. You wanted to argue that this was a common room—that if he was doing important work and wanted to be left alone then he should be in his room or one of the offices, not the fuckin’ kitchen. But he was using what you’d come to refer to as his sergeant voice. It meant there was no room there to even argue in the first place. The bastard was pulling rank on you.

You set your mouth into a straight line, puffing a sigh through your nose that Soap would usually ignore as an exhale of breath, though this time his head snapped up at you.

“Watch it,” he said lowly, and you barely managed to suppress the frightful shiver that tried to run down your spine.

“Sorry, sir,” you replied, monotone, body stiffening into loose attention. He eyed you for a long second, seemingly looking for something in your face you’re not sure he found as he returned to whatever was so important on his tablet. 

You let your muscles relax as his gaze left you, rounding the table to dig through the refrigerator, looking for a midnight snack. You heard Soap huff behind you at your rummaging, and your jaw tightened. What was his problem? Why was he treating you like this? Price and Ghost hadn’t seemed off when they’d come back—the mission couldn’t have been that bad, right?

You’d decided on a small bag of baby carrots. They were Price’s, and he’d be annoyed you’d taken them, but you knew it’d be fine if you just buy him a new bag next time you’re at the store. It’s not like he really ate them all that often anyway—as healthy as the man was, especially for his age, he was never really a raw vegetables kind of guy and at this point probably just bought them to feel like he was doing something for himself.

It’s just your fuckin’ luck as you close the fridge door and go to take a step back that your foot catches on absolutely nothing but the floor, and you topple back into the side of the table, trying to twist to brace yourself and only managing to smash the side of your head off the edge.

Soap launches up, knocking the chair back onto the floor with the force of his movement. The bottle of whiskey he’d had (for some god damn reason) near the edge of the table plummets to the ground, shattering barely a foot from your face and splattering liquor everywhere. 

“Are you out of yer fuckin’ mind!?” Soap shouts, accent thick, a laugh ripping through his words—not one of humor, but one that makes you wince and want to hide away. It’s dry and scary and far too loud.

You scramble onto all fours, little shards of glass sticking into your palms, about to stand when Soap grabs you by the collar of your shirt and yanks you up, spinning you and slamming you back against the counter, the hard marble digging into the base of your spine, knocking the wind out of you.

“What’s your damage!?” You growl, heaving, shoving hard at his chest and wincing as the glass shards dig a little deeper. He doesn’t budge, shaking you a little.

“You’re out of line!”

“You’re being a dickhead!”

You manage to catch his wrist before he even realizes he was about to hit you, his eyes wide as you glare down at him seconds before bashing your head against his, making him shout and stumble back, catching himself on the crooked table. 

He holds his forehead with one hand, groaning before looking up. You look furious, a line of blood dripping down your face where your head crashed together. Of course he’s not bleeding—literal hard-headed bastard. Dropped on his head as a kid too much, maybe.

You’re glaring, panting, and his eyes soften ever so slightly, regret and guilt rising in his throat like bile. 

“Fuck, Y/N—” he croaks out, reaching out for your arm. You shove him back again, pushing past him.

“Keep the hell away from me, Johnny.”

*

You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, having spent the last hour picking out the glass shards with tweezers, now wrapping your hands with bandages when you hear a tentative knock on your door.

You don’t respond, but the door opens anyway. You already know who it is without looking up. The door closes behind him and you hear the click of the lock. Your shoulders tense. You keep your arms rested on your spread legs, head down as the soft foot falls approach you. You can see his boots come into view, and a gun calloused hand rests on your shoulder, gently pushing you to sit up straight so he can fit himself between your thighs. 

You glare up at him and he frowns. He looks sad. Regretful. Deep down you know he didn’t mean any of it—you know better than anyone that sometime in this profession you just snap. But it doesn’t make you any less angry, or at least any relevant amount less. 

You could handle being yelled out, fuck—even berated. When you fucked up that was part of the job. But you weren’t working, you thought you were with Soap, Johnny, not fucking Sergeant MacTavish. And yet the way he acted felt personal—that’s what broke you. That’s what made you fester with anger. You never thought he would raise a hand to you.

He does it again, now, raising his hand up. You flinch as he cups your cheek and it makes his heartbreak.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he says quietly, voice thick with emotion, “I… I was in a bad headspace.”

“Yeah,” you say flatly, looking from those shining blue eyes to the window, the full moon shining brightly through the glass.

“I don’t want you to forgive me,” he swipes a thumb over your cheek, and his movements get your attention again as he slowly lowers to his knees, his big palms spreading out over your thighs, “take it out on me.”

“Johnny—”

“I-I need you to—” he cuts himself off, looking up at you eyes wide. He looks terrified. His hands squeeze your thighs hard and you place your own hands over them, “this is for you, but—if that’s, fuck, if that’s too much then I’m being selfish too. I need you to take me out o’ my head for a bit. So I stop feeling like… this.”

He gestures loosely between the two of you, but somehow you still understand. He needs to stop feeling like MacTavish. He needs something to force him out of that violent headspace—whatever happened on that mission trapped him in there, your Johnny only seeping through the cracks just enough to beg.

You run a gentle hand through his mohawk, waiting for his eyes to flutter shut before your grip tightens, tugging the strands hard. His eyes shoot open and he moans, pupils already beginning to blow out. 

“Okay, Johnny,” you murmur, pulling him toward your crotch, “make it up to me.”

#modern warfare #soap x reader #modern warefare 2 #john soap mactavish #soap x male reader #mine #angst

[radiant-reid]

ohmygod cate!! okay so ive been thinking, could u pLEASE do a blurb or a oneshot with an angry love confession? i live for that trope and like imagine the reader puts herself in danger for spencer and then he acts all petty and rude the whole day and then reader is completely done w his shit and then they have an argument and BAM

okay so this is incredibly cliche but i love this concept and UnitChief!Reid

He's not talking to you in the car, and you're terrified about what it means. What he is doing is gripping the wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white and his jaw clenched in a way that's somehow attractive and scary.

It was hard enough to get on the team, let alone be in law enforcement as a woman, and you get hit with the need to say something and defend your actions. "Spencer, I-"

He doesn't let you get a word in. "No." He cuts you off in his authoritative tone. "Don't even bother trying to justify your actions with a weak apology."

Ouch. You expected him to be harsh, but that was mean. Even though he's your boss, you still consider him a friend.

So you sit in silence. No music and not even the humming of the air conditioning. It's a strategy, you assume, probably why he insisted on only you going with him in the SUV.

You have to shove the feeling of dread in your stomach down when you get to the hotel and out of the car. He still takes your bag out of the trunk with his because he always does, but he's furious, barley looking at you.

You're fucked, truly fucked, and able to do nothing but dwell on your behavior in the elevator.

Instead of handing you your bag at your door and calling it a night so you can go and cry, he walks in behind you like it's his room.

He almost caves when he sees the tears in your eyes because he knew from the day he met you he never wanted to see you crying, but then he remembers the feeling of his stomach dropping in his chest when you ran in there and he's the fear shifts to fury.

"So?" He asks, staring flatly at you.

You don't really have a right to be, but you're mad. "You're ready to let me talk now?"

"Don't be insolent." He demands.

You huff out a dry, insincere laugh as you cross your arms across your chest defensively. "You're not my mom, you can't tell me how to act."

"I am your boss." He reminds you. "And I will not tolerate behavior like that on my team."

"What? You don't want agents that will do the right thing?" You keep pushing the boundary instead of backing down.

He raises his eyebrows like he's unsure if you're serious. "I'd rather agents that listen to my direct instructions."

"Maybe I should transfer then." You offer, although there's no chance you will. You love everything about the BAU, expect Spencer being mad at you.

"Okay. Have the paper on my desk on Monday and you can be gone on Tuesday." He snaps coldly before he can think it through.

You throw your hands up in the air in frustration. "Fine! I will. It's not like you care about what I think."

"Don't start with that." He warns, genuinely hurting you feel like that. But he's not in the mood to talk it out with you, instead, his anger flows out. "You're listened to equally!" You've never heard him yell like that before and it's so unnatural it's uncomfortable.

"Not my take-down ideas." You remind him like he could forget the past hour.

He huffs loudly. "Not when they're stupid and nearly get you killed!"

You seriously do not understand it. You've seen other members of the team do it, and it seems like bullshit that you're being treated like a child.

"Everyone else has done it!" You shout back, blood pumping through your veins.

"I don't love them the way I love you! And I can't even tell you that because I'm your boss! So when you do stupid shit like trying to get yourself blown up, I'm going to be angry!." He reveals before he can stop it, not taking a breath. He cannot have that happen again.

His hand comes to cover his mouth when your eyes widen. Your brain is racing and you're so confused. "Fuck, Y/n, I'm so sorry." He quickly tries to save face, hoping you'll let it slide, even though he's not an idiot and he doesn't believe that. He's already preparing for the meeting with Barnes who will be even more pissed than he was.

Then it's all quiet.

Your heart stops beating in your chest for a second before racing even faster, but with a different emotion. "What?" You ask, voice cracking and so much fainter than before.

He folds, immediately. Seeing you cry feels worse than being scared for your safety. His embarrassment is genuine and he talks. "I shouldn't have said that and I should have yelled at you. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." You don't say anything while you process it, but he takes that as his answer. "I'll go."

Before he can slip passed you, you reach out to grab his hand, stopping him before squeezing it. "I love you too." You tell him truthfully.

"You really don't have to say that." He assures you, still in shame of what he did.

"Spencer Reid, I love you." You repeat, catching the smile he knows is too inappropriate to fully show. "And I hate you being mad at me." You're close to tears thinking about just a few minutes ago.

"I hated you being in danger." He admits. "And I'm really sorry for yelling at you."

You shake your head, unable to imagine how horrible you'd feel if he did something similar. "I'm really sorry for doing something dumb."

"Please don't cry." He begs, pulling you into his chest in a hug that you definitely need.

You do cry against his shirt, but they're not sad tears.

"Hey." He says when you pull away after an entire minute of hugging and he cups your cheeks. "I thought I told you not to cry."

"I'm not very good at listening to you, though." You joke, earning a chuckle from him that makes you smile. "Are we good?"

"Yes." He assures you. "But you should get some sleep."

You nod before realizing what that means. "No, stay with me, please."

"It would be my pleasure." He agrees easily, omitting saying, I've been dreaming about it for months.

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[hadeantaiga]

I think there's a few things that people need to consider when creating rules for themselves or communities, and with setting boundaries for yourself or a community.

Is this boundary or rule something I can actually enforce?

A really wonderful way I saw this phrased a while back was like this: you can't actually set a boundary that is phrased like "don't cross this boundary". Because someone will - and now what?

Instead, phrase it with action: "If you cross this boundary, X will happen to you".

Now here's where the "actually enforceable" part comes in. Can you actually follow through? If the boundary is "If you're a terf and you follow me, I'm blocking you", that is an enforceable boundary. "TERFs DNI" is NOT enforceable: you cannot stop the initial interaction, this is a public website! You can block after the fact, but you cannot force them to not interact in the first place.

2. With regards to more interpersonal relationships and communities: is the boundary reasonable, and is the consequence reasonable?

Will setting this boundary cause more harm than good? Will it make communication in your community difficult?

I saw a great boundary set in a trans reddit the other day: when regarding the outcomes of a surgery, you cannot use the word "results". You can say "great chest!" but not "great results!". The consequence for using the word "results" is that an automatic bot will simply delete your reply and respond with the message "Using the word "results" is not allowed on this subreddit".

This is a clear boundary: do not use the word "results". It has a clear consequence that is easy to enforce through the use of a bot, and the consequence isn't public shaming or anything cruel; your reply is just gone, and you can then rephrase yourself. The boundary is clear and the consequence isn't disruptive or harmful.

Also, it's one rule. That's easy to remember.

BUT this isn't the case in all communities. I've tried to join many a discord server with an endless list of blacklisted words and phrases. The consequences for using these words are always harsh, and public shaming for daring to violate the boundary is extreme. I personally don't stay in communities like that; I HATE walking on eggshells, worried at any moment I could inadvertently say something from the long list I can't possibly memorize, and suddenly I'm a horrible villain.

So. Keep your boundaries and rules reasonable and enforceable, and make the consequences logical and not cruel.