#and i feel like shit all over

[sparrowsparadise]

🙃

#i am... so done #i was nice #i was polite #i was understanding #i apologized #and yet #he turned around and spat in my face #and honestly? #im tired #im so fucking tired #my entire body hurts #i havent been sleeping well #i broke my 6 year clean streak last night because i needed to be able to physically deal with the pain i am currently emotionally feeling #and i feel like shit all over #this has all gotten so out of hand #and at this point i just simply want to pass away because if im dead then at least i wont have to deal with this bullshit anymore #i cannot believe that someone i loved and admired for a while is doing this to me #and my friends #and i deadass just want this all to fucking stop #'you do not get to hurt me just because i asked you once if you were alright' is really hitting different right now

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[nokmietarchive]

another really fantastic detail from the s2 finale regarding Leo's powers... I've always loved the hell out of what they did cinematically with it, it looks and feels incredible and kicks total ass. initially I was under the impression that he was replacing his portals with his swords; that he was "traveling through" them per-say. but here --

...we can actually see Leo materializing SEPARATELY from his sword! you can see in the following frame he actually dissipates again and his sword continues flying along the same path untouched, inertia unaffected.

...and then he materializes again to properly align with it and catch it!

he's entirely not in contact with it but is implied to have already crossed spacetime. which means Leo can just... Do That. he's rapidly bending space to transmit his goddamn subatomic particles to a new location. the purpose of the swords isn't to do the portaling; it's to work as a landing pad. it's a vector point by which he re-solidifies the mass he's transporting. a familiar homing beacon he can align himself with on the fly.

#MAYBE PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY FIGURED THIS SHIT ALL OUT BUT ITS LIKE BLOWING MY MIND SORRY #long post #rottmnt #sorry i feel like i need a tag for this but like its a one time thing for tonight #rottmnt over analysis

[dizzybizz]

KAEYA BIRTHDAY ??? ?? i love you mr alberich sir i love you oh so so so much.

uh dialogue for this one but more legible under the cut (and a messy ragbros page)

Klee: Kaeya! Come down here! Kaeya: Oh? heh. What is it, Spark Knight?

Klee: Happy Birthday! It is today? Right? I even double-checked with Albedo and everything but I don't know... Klee: It's a Calla Lily! You like those, right? Kaeya: I certainly do! Thank y- Klee: Oh. Klee: OK OK OK- Kaeya: Hm? Klee: Kaeya you have to promise to not tell Master Jean about this one! Kaeya: You can count on me to keep my lips sealed.

Klee: OK! Close your eyes- eye- and hold out your hands! Kaeya: Mhm! Klee: OK! You can open them! TA-DA~!

Klee: I made a bomb for you! It even has an eyepatch! He can look after you when I'm somewhere else. Take good care of him! Oh yeah- He explodes if you- Kaeya?

Kaeya: Thank you Klee! Thank you very much! Klee: You're VERY welcome Kaeya!

a lil ragbros too.... kaeya and his red siblings amirite (bursts into tears).. also i am so obsessed with chibi diluc saying "bring em in..."

#I LOVE YOU KAEYA #these were all drawn in the past two daysashhsdgg #i was originally planning on starting like at least a week in advance bc i wanted to do one big ambitious piece but that didnt end up happe #ing... instead he gets a little comic a bigger comic and a page and my undivided attention #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #kaeya #genshin impact kaeya #genshin kaeya #im putting em all in here f u #klee #diluc ragnvindr #ragbros #none of that kaeluc shit here alright thank you or go fuck off ok epic #my art #sona #these r all improvised. i went about the klee comic in the stupidest way possible bc apperantly i love making things hard for myself.. #not like it was my fault- it was just supposed to be a concept for a finished piece and not turn into a little comic but i have no self con #rol clearly so now its here and i am jsut kinda sleepy sry #kaeya has been my genshin blorbo for over three years ok i needed to express a little of my feelings about him somehow #OK YAY ITS OFFICIALLY THE 30TH IN MY TIMEZONE SO I CAN POST THIS OK OK YEAH #HAPPY BDAY KAEYA AAAAAAAAAAAAA 😭💖💖💖 #this entire post is just me sobbing over how much i adore him #is this the longest wall of notes from me yet.. idk but it might be #ok anyways i love kaeya a lot send me anything kaeya and i will love you forever and ever and i should really go to sleep now i think #... .kaeya 🥰🥰🥰

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[mkzmerryfriend]

*cracks knuckles* we know Tyler isn’t the original Clancy right? Y’all caught that? Clancy’s bishop was Keons, Tyler’s is Nico, and now “Clancy” is Tyler. Because “scaled and icy” is an anagram for “Clancy is dead” and that album was the one where dema was using Tyler’s popularity for their own purposes. Clancy failed to stop the cycle on his own, and despite already being used as a figurehead for dema, Tyler decided to take up the role of “Clancy” in the wake of what seemed like a total collapse of the Banditos. Their leader had been taken out, and now they had no one to organize them.

But Tyler taking on the name Clancy isn’t him taking on the role of leader or even organizer. He is showing us (the Banditos) that we all can be our own inspiration, we don’t need a figure to follow, we don’t need a leader to lead us. We can do this, fight dema, ourselves.

Y’all got that, right?

#twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #tøp #Clancy #tøp clancy #I just don’t ever see anyone talking about the lore connections and I need to know that I’m not the only person making these connections #bc I remember the countless interviews where Tyler reiterated that he is not Clancy and the letters are not written by him #and in the letters clancy explains how each person gets a bishop assigned to them and his was keons #and in Nico and the niners tyler sings he’ll always try to stop me that Nicolas Bourbaki #therefore the bishop we see in the videos interacting with tyler is Nico and not keons #let alone the fact that Clancy describes keons as kind and gentle and Nico seems very forceful in comparison #and don’t forget this is all a metaphor or allegory for depression and mental illness #Clancy’s bishops being kind and caring while Tyler’s is scary and forceful is representing the different ways mental illness can menifest #maybe it feels like it’s trying to help you but it’s actually just keeping control over you #or maybe it scared the shit out of you but you don’t know how to fight back #because both kind of have a point #anyway #pls let me know if this was new information or if I’m preaching to the choir

[fanvoidkeith]

sometimes being aroacespec is confusing. what do you mean, most people can tell the difference between platonic and romantic and sexual attraction? what do you mean people don't "choose" crushes? what do you mean that people can imagine themselves in a physical situation with someone else?? isn't dating just Friendship Plus??? hell, isn't marriage just Friendship Plus?????????

what do they mean??????????? what are feelings???? why am i so confused????????

*edit: changed "aroace" to "aroacespec", since several aromantic people felt that this was not an Aromantic Feeling. i see you, i hear you, and so i changed it to be more accurate to me personally, since i am Confused About Feelings Always

#void keith talks #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aromantic asexual #i'm so confused as an autistic aroace person #about every emotion i have about another person ever #and i also read a lot of romance so like. i know what romance is *supposed* to look like #i know the ideal and the not ideal #but i have no idea about any sort of romantic social cues irl #because i'm bad with social cues. i miss them a lot or i misinterpret them #i'm good with body language because i was taught a lot of it early #but social cues are different and some change over time which is INCREDIBLY confusing #and also like? i don't feel stable enough or mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship #i feel like it would be unfair for a potential partner(s) for them to be in a relationship with me #because i just Don't Have My Shit Together. like at all #i Only Like Fictional People That Way #fictoromantic #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #arospec #aromantic spectrum #aroacespec

[kingkatsuki]

Yeah short skirts and crop tops are sexy— but there’s just something about a man that finds you so attractive wearing clothes that shouldn’t be considered typically sexual. Like baggy sweats or his old, worn shirt.

Those plain, boring outfits that aren’t planned and are just thrown together for comfort and practicality that have his dick throbbing for you as he imagines bending you over the nearest surface.

#there’s always fics where reader is wearing such sexy clothes and that’s what gets the guy going #but somehow I feel like seeing you dressed down would have the same effect #or like he sees you wearing his top or hoodie and he’s instantly feeling possessive (even if you aren’t dating!!!) #like ‘oh I just got cold so I borrowed your hoodie sorry’ except now he’s smirking at everyone else in the room because you chose HIS shit #or like imagine you’ve just become a mum and you’re feeling the unsexiest you’ve ever felt after childbirth #you’re tired you haven’t done makeup in weeks and you can’t even imagine doing any kind of self-care #wearing one of your man’s old shirts that you’re certain has baby sick or milk on it #and somehow your man thinks you’ve never looked prettier as he’s got his hands all over you while you try to cook breakfast or do laundry #OR OR OR !!!!!!!!!! #he sees you in his colours or wearing his logo or something on a plain tee and he’s ready to lose his mind

[bacchuschucklefuck]

okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #not art #fhjy spoilers #its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical #like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real #like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this #yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out #meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring! #theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it #its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started #the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show #which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them #and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear #that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others #thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and #a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he #wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude #its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others #and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT #Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere #Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually #Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!

[just-null-cult]

Fr bro I love your energy! Noritoshi is so pretty and so criminally underrated. Keep up the good work in making more of us lusting publicly for him. You've done amazing job! That boy well-deserved it :)

tysm!! I try to open the eyes of the public to his qualities. join my cult yall, Noritoshi is so good listen to me.

but on the topic of energy, whether you're high or low energy, Noritoshi loves it. the only difference is how he reacts to it.

Let's say you're low energy or prefer subtlety in your affection..

Noritoshi will initiate first! ..after a while... in his own way.... He needs to gather enough courage and collect his thoughts properly, then hes good to go! He prefers more subtle displays of affection too, but if needed he'll be blunt about it. He'll learn to adapt to slightly teasing remarks, going as far as to banter and tease back, moreover he's just very loving. So loving it can be embarrassing from time to time because of how intense the atmosphere can get.. the best way he can be described here is princely.

A small smile forms on Noritoshi's lips when he feels you're around. He turns to you, already memorizing each and every quirk you have so that he doesn't waste any time setting his sights on you again. His hands reach out to tug on your sleeve as he looks at you with a gaze so needy you can practically tell what he's about to ask. "May i hold your hand?" His voice comes so smooth that if you didn't know him, you would've missed the twinge of desperation it carried. You couldn't help yourself, you shook your head, a mischievous grin slowly creeping onto your lips at the sight of Noritoshi's pouted lip. Of course he'd do as you say even if it was clearly unfair, but not without some complaints. He clicks his tongue, a quiet mutter of "cheeky.." escapes under his breath. He knows you do this on purpose to mess with him, he was tempted to beg a little, but decided against it. it was an embarrassing thought to begin with. Seriously, how mean can someone be to make a guy think like this? ..Extremely, if the guy's pouting is cute enough! Noritoshi lifts his hand to his chin, thinking of the many ways he can try to get around this obstacle you cruelly placed in front of him. He leans in close, hovering next to you as he usually does when he thinks. He faces you as who knows what goes on in his head, his closed eyes not even giving you a hint as to what he could be thinking. "Ah, pardon me, I got lost in thought. I suppose i can keep my distance, so long as you keep looking at me with that charming gaze of yours." Ah, so he was just winding up for a pick up line. How lame, but.. get used to it. He's going to shadow behind you the entire day with more one liners like that unless you shut him up yourself. Wait.. was that his plan? The faint sly smirk tugging on the corner of Noritoshi's lips and the warm hue on the apple his of cheeks are all you need to figure out the rest.

If you're high energy or prefer more blunt methods of affection..

Noritoshi gets overwhelmed and flustered from such raw approaches from you that he comes off as a bit rude. It's only because you make his heart so full that he needs to shut you down or else he'll do something embarrassing!! He wants to impress you, of course he enjoys your advances very much, but it's not very slightly to see someone like him act like a crushing school girl!! or so he thinks.

Noritoshi yelps in surprise as you snake your hands around his waist from behind. He doesn't push you away or even move for that matter, he's frozen stiff. Is he still alive? Like any good lover would, you benevolently press your ear against his back to listen for a heart beat. ..You didn't hear anything until the sound of Noritoshi sharp inhale came through. That was unexpected, but it works. He squirmed a little, seemingly trying to shrug you off but quickly giving up, accepting the fact that you've got him trapped. "You imbecile, e-enough of this!" he scolded, though he made no actual effort to stop you. Noritoshi remains stiff for the most part, but looking at the back of his increasingly flushing neck reassures you that he is, indeed, alive. He's just being stubborn! Not turning or even a greeting, just rude name calling again! You raise one hand and place it over his heart to hold him tighter in your embrace. As expected, its practically pounding against his chest. He swats your hand away and finally turns back to you with those cute furrowed brows and rosy cheeks. "You're such a bully, you know that?" he huffs out, any semblance of sternness failing to take effect as his jutted bottom lip quivers. Mercifully, you finally let go and spare him by not pointing out the quiet whine he let out. He stumbles forward and turns around to face you fully, trying to keep an eye out for any more of your stunts while he catches his breath. He felt so dizzy from being in your arms, if he were held for a moment longer, he surely would've melted right then and there. Noritoshi's hands trembled as he smoothed out his clothes, his mouth opening and closing as any and all words died in his throat. He wanted to yell at you for being so forward, for giving him no chance to prepare, for letting go of him, for a lot of things..! Yet he just pouted as he tried to calm the flush on his face. His hands instantly whipped up in front of him when he noticed you took a step towards him. He can't handle another display of affection right now, he'll go weak at the knees! But how can you hold back when he's just so damn cute?

The most likely outcome is a mixture of both with a heavy leaning towards one. Either way, you're very right!! He's extremely pretty.

#noritoshi #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #ezralva #cw: shotty writing from an amateur writer who is desperate for you to see his vision and why hes frothing at the mouth over a guy #could you feel the yandere undertones. i couldnt help myself. sue me #basically you give him enough time to gather his rizz if youre low energy but jumpscare the fuck out of him if youre high energy #and you know how he handles jumpscares according to this cult #heh #oh and you got me kicking my feet and shit bro #lusting publicly for him.... i couldnt word it better myself #thats the entire reason for having a cult and indoctrinating the public. ty my beloved cult member #BUT YEAH. LIKE I HAVE TOO MUCH ENERGY AND BRAIN POWER DEDICATED TO THIS MAN #I GOTTA INFECT OTHERS CAUSE HES SO. RIPS OFF MY FACE #TYSM FOR THE COMPLIMENT. I EAT THOSE UP MORE THAN ANYTHING. I LOVE YOU BRO #GOD HE *****DOES***** DESERVE ALL THE LOVE AND ATTENTION FUCK. HES SO!!!!!!!!! //PUNCHES MYSELF

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[autisticaradiamegido]

thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?

day 356

BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails

truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute

#day 356 #year 4 #dave strider #aradia megido #aradave #homestuck #she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D #boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY #and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave #the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia #yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first #but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point #she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff #and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease #because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC #shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy' #shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-' #'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about' #'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it' #i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like #at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze #but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends #ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies #i will be here waiting patiently

[avephelis]

every time someone mischaracterises jay ferin as the therapist friend a fairy loses its wings btw. put some respect on her emotionally-constipated ass.

#there's a whole ongoing bit where she either a. forces chip to do feelings talks for her or b. says the most awkward shit ever #like someone opens up to her she's like “wow that was a lot. anyway.” #jay “well i'm just a girl so” ferin. jay the answer is gun ferin. #i get this is a common issue with fandom treatment of female characters but COME THE FUCK ON. IT'S A CANON CHARACTER TRAIT. #and it adds so much depth to the times she DOES try to help or comfort people like in 81/82 where she goes up to chip about gill like #“i'm kind of shit at this emotional stuff but i'm going to do my best for you damnit”. AND SHE FUCKING TRIES. BECAUSE SHE LOVES THEM. #also her getting tipsy and spewing the most insane shit and going teehee ^_^ was that awkward sorry ^_^ and falling over. so fucking funny. #jay ferin #jrwi #im so normal about these fictional characters <- lie #i talk about this all the time in my dms im finally making a post about it I CANT STAND IT ANYMOREE

[eyes-of-nine]

they're so childhood friends to lovers bodyguard au coded to me 😌✨ (they have killed so so many people)

#oh how i missed doing a good ol fashioned leyendecker study #and hey look IT'S THE SILLIES<3 #<- tho my lore knowledge has not improved since last time I posted about them I have in fact gotten slightly better at russian #anyways someone plss appreciate the fact that I edited all the serifs to make the font fit nicer ywy #why are cyrillic fonts so ...ehhh #and if anyone feels like summarising over 100 comic issues in my dms i would sell my soul and left kidney to you🥺👉👈 #I wanna talk about them sm but also I genuinely don't really know shit #it's actually super fun highly recommend #sergey razumovsky #oleg volkov #....do they have a ship name??? I'm sure they do???? oh well #plss let's appreciate oleg for being very fun to draw too #major grom #major grom plague doctor #bubble comics #Сергей Разумовский #look look I figured out how to get cyrillic symbols on mobile easily :DD #Олег Волков #майор гром #fanart #my art #mgpd

[thankstothe]

Some notes on Wilson's marriages/divorces, and how he met House:

• House didn't just meet a freshly divorced Wilson. He met barely married Wilson, who just got notified about his #1 divorce by a lawyer, not his wife

• Wilson walked around with papers on hand, long enough to give House a chance to sneak a peek. The same day he received the news. (there's a chance it was some sort of middle step in the divorce procedure, but "just served", checkmate your honor)

• House 100% knew that when he bailed him out. No, I don't have any concrete evidence besides "it's fucking House"

• House had Wilson observed the entire time to know he didn't open the papers. The divorce lawyer prob gave him an idea of what it is, and he was just marinating in the suffering juice

• House had to be nosy and stealthy when he checked the package Wilson clung to, he saw what's written on it

• They didn't actually talk at the conference itself, so House did it silently too

• There was a law firm address on the papers, and you couldn't just google shit then. House's had to remember it to investigate it further, or he already knew of the firm (or it said "BLAH LAW FIRM BLAH HERE'S YOUR DIVORCE PAPERS, LOSER", which is possible)

• Wilson likely opened them in a hotel room (or he looked at the package sadly/angrily there too), needed a drink, and House was at the bar

• House was watching Wilson at that conference, then at the bar, then meltdown over the song, then the whole fight and the mess, then the detention, and was like yeah I'll bail that

• "First words you ever said to me." This is when they first talked, Wilson was in jail and the one in need

• Ok alright, hear me out, if House didn't know what the papers were at the time of bailing. There are 2 paths for him to find out

• Wilson STILL had them on hand in jail

• Or Housey saw them at Wilson's hotel room. Yeah

• It's been over the decade since they've met and they both vividly remember the details of that drunk night (I get why for storytelling purposes. Still... Much to think about)

• That conference is either the last one, or one of the lasts, House attended. And that one was already boring to House without Wilson. 15 years prior to s06e06 "Known Unknowns", can't do the timeline magic I just eyeball it

• House also introduced Wilson to Cuddy pretty soon, since she was a witness to the levels of despair he was apparently in

• House might've pestered Cuddy to hire him, or she chose to do so herself (whenever she was dean). Maybe House chased away some poor oncologist to make an opening. Even if House isn't as obsessed with Wilson at the start of season 1, he's always plotting

• There's the brother thing too. Wilson still fresh out of med school, still divorcing, still guilty af and looking for the brother in Princeton, so he was happy to work there

• Prior to that, Wilson was working 2 jobs to support himself and Sam and was ready to follow her to Baltimore

• The divorce and meeting House happened in 1991, the same year USSR completely fell apart. Just thought I'll throw that in #educational

• Wilson was married, non-fraudulently, for 12 years total

• Marriage #1 has only lasted 1 year

• That means every marriage House was present for has lasted longer #math

• Wilson found a way to get fulfilled while in the marriage

• Now he's got a needy bitch with infinite problems and who will slurp any poison he has to siphon

• I'd argue House is what made Wilson bearable at home

• At the same time, House is what kept Wilson away from home, ultimately contributing to the divorce

• Wilson himself describes his marriages as crappy - he doesn't really need help destroying them. House still helps~✨

• Timeline gets wonky, but there couldn't have been much of a downtime between marriages, a couple of years max

• "Fell in love at the wedding" - whatever the fuck that means for Wilson

• Either Wilson met Sam through that wedding, and she also aimed to work in medicine - how they've connected. Or they went there as a couple, both being med students? Got high on emotions and jumped into marriage

• Wilson speedruns relationships once he's in them, so it could've gone "hey that was a nice wedding, how about we have our own?"

• He fucking sucks at proposals, his looks and general air of niceness carried him all 3 times, I will not be hearing any objections on the matter

• When Wilson talks to Cameron about cheating. He says, "I have (cheated). I always told them"

• "Them"

• It's could've been every marriage (#1, #2 and #3). If boy managed to sneak in cheating in his 1-year lightning marriage #1, while he was studying + 2 jobs (now I don't doubt his time management skills, but it's still a hassle. On the other hand, all that stress couldn't have been helping)

• Or it could be #1 and #2, or #1 and #3. But #3 is pretty much a certainty (he flirts with nurses on screen, House is also there), and it's "them", so why would he randomly stop in the middle? Don't think so

• What's most likely is - #2 and #3. When arguing with Sam (#1) again she didn't mention or allude to the cheating, her problem was that Wilson didn't communicate ANY emotions to her, she even admitted to House she made the most mistakes in that marriage, let's say there's some truth in that

• Wilson either didn't tell Sam about cheating, she didn't have a problem with it, or he lied to Cameron

• OR he didn't cheat on Sam

• He started to cheat after the first divorce AND his marriages started to last longer, which is funnier too

• He could've started cheating prior to House entering the picture, but much more likely - after. Divorce and/or House are the cause

• Speaking of. Meeting House is very tightly linked to the #1 divorce. Every time Wilson would think back on it, he would have to think about all the turmoil and getting bailed by House. And vice versa - every time he'd think back on meeting House...

• "I met someone who made me feel funny. And I didn't want to let that feeling go." Another Cameron talk. Ur honor, there's something on that wall

• btw, he is STILL married while meeting House, so if you hilson 1st-night-fuck truther, that meeting is his cheater origin story in a more practical sense. He then could've really meant all the marriages, but then he lied about telling Sam/Cameron, he might not count it since he's divorcing to tell Sam

• Ultimately, he's a huge liar, and I'm wasting my time. What I'm saying - nothing is really off the table with this guy in terms of hcs

• Aftermaths of #2 and #3 aren't really talked about like #1. It must've been really nuclear

• House says neither of them recovered from (#1) divorce to Wilson's face, Wilson doesn't contest that in any way. Even tho House didn't know Wilson before the divorce he usually right on the money with these things

• After the divorce #2 Wilson got 3 legged cat

• After failing to secure marriage #4 (#1 part 2) he got a diabetic cat

• Just like the thing he has with missing phone calls, after every divorce, consciously or not, he might expect a savior to bail him out

• After and during #3 he crashed at House's, then surfed hotels, then moved in with a dying patient, then Amber's, then House moved in with him (still Amber's)

• Maybe his wives kept taking properties in the divorce, and he just stopped getting them

• Man frankly didn't have a home for a while (HOMELESS BUT NOT HOUSELESS)

• Then Wilson finally commits and gets the place for himself and House, from Bonnie (#2)

• Wilson adamantly remains on good terms with his ex-wives (but not random exes. One helps House with a prank, House kept tabs bc of course)

• But Wilson thinks they hate him. Did he ever pay attention to them?

• While spending all the time with House, then cheating, telling his wives about it, Wilson gave them more attention and emotions to delay the divorce

• He also learned how not to get attached in marriage, to not get destroyed by the divorce (excellent gambit if you expect your marriage to fail)

• He has a better support system now too. Can't believe House is your support system, fucking lmao and ouch. Cuddy is his only other friend we see, maybe Stacy at some point (he kept in touch with after the incident)

• All his other friends and family we hear next to nothing about, at best they're surface level

• In season 5 he's only visited by the coworkers/House's team + Cuddy <- all that is pretty much House's tolerance circle

• House is pathetic, but Wilson is something else entirely

#house md #gregory house #lisa cuddy #james wilson #sam carr #bonnie #his failed marriages and house #studying Wilson under a microscope #I was just trying to piece all of this shit together and speculating none of this is gospel lol #ive compiled this thinking i dont have much to say. look at us now #not even touching his “divorces” w house here #that's entirely different beast #might've missed something obvious - feel free to add/correct #prob got carried away and tunneled #but wow that first divorce must've been rough #if i was house and saw the man so distraught at some dusty conference breaking shit over a song id fall in love too #you might think im obsessed but im really not #long post #longpost #like actually longpost

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”