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thevviitchinghour · 2 years

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Astrology Observations

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my own experiences and research it does not mean it's inherently true!! Pisces Placements aren't intentionally fake but switch up so quick. I have had so many pisces placement friends that r just so wishy washy. Pisces Venus depending on the person will literally choose shitty partners over even their closest friends! They just want to fit into the mold their partners create for them so bad u won't even recognize their personalities sometimes in certain relationships smfh. Taurus Placements get just as jealous as scorpio and can be JUST as bad about it. Have you ever dealt with a Taurus who felt lesser than you? just terrible. Pluto in sag is an interesting generational placement. It's cool to look at how it shows up. The way ppl are so self righteous and like to flaunt how their life philosophy is best. Going on social media spreading dogmatic beliefs and wanting to be a teacher but actually guiding people into the dark. Unrealistic morals & ideas that are half-baked and rooted in egotistical projections of what people deem correct. Even if the legitimacy is questionable at best. The way there is an excess of waste, consumerism, and lack of appreciation of it. The rise of fake spiritual influencers & conversations being hd around xenophobia, racism, religious beliefs & cultural appropriation. Pluto - Mercury people seem to be able to develop telepathy fairly easy or have a natural predisposition towards it? A lot of my friends who are clairaudient or sometimes hear other ppls thoughts have Pluto - Mercury aspects. Gemini Moons are actually very emotionally nuanced and understanding, I feel like Aquarius is the main air sign who tries to rationalize the emotions of OTHERS. I feel like Gemini moreso tries to understand every aspect of something. The emotional and logic, the dynamics of it all, the duality. Libra Moons seem to be more selfish than both Aquarius AND Gemini moons. It's not that they don't care about others, but the way they think/feel (which isn't surprising considering they're aries sister sign) is usually in relation to how people feel about THEM. What people think of them, how they are being perceived. How they can be liked more, etc. That's not to say Libras are not caring about others because they are!! I honestly like Libra Moons, I find them to be very sweet and considerate and if they really love you they are super giving and chill.

Aquarius Moons are solution oriented, they want to figure out how to solve or understand the root of an issue so it can be done and over with. This can cause them to come off as emotionless, dull, and unempathetic. I notice though that immature Aquarius moons are very selfish & think they're the only ones who suffer. I see that in immature capricorn moons as well. I believe it has to do with saturn. Libra Mercuries are so poetic imo Virgo is literally ruled by mercury, the only way you're going to find them boring is if they don't trust you enough to open up to you or converse with you. They are extremely intuitive & pick up on the patterns of others easily. More often than not it usually only takes a virgo a small period of time whether it be minutes or days to decide they actually just don't like you and don't want to engage with you. They also tend to mirror, so if you're boring maybe that's why you think they're boring.

#astro observations #astrology notes #astro community #astrology #pluto in sagittarius #libra moon #libra mercury #Taurus #Pluto - Mercury #Gemini Moon #Pisces #Pisces Venus

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zombie-bait · 5 months

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Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #james somerton #hbomberguy #vampire chronicles #iwtv spoilers #the vampire lestat #youtube #anne rice #queer media

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rivetgoth · 1 year

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Not to shame some baby bats but oh man am I tired of seeing online newcomers to the industrial scene not being able to conceptualize the musicians as actual real living people who have endured real hardship and instead fandomizing them and treating them like silly little characters. And I’m not even talking about like real person fiction I’m talking stuff like making extremely inappropriate jokes at the expense of the musicians, often to their damn faces. Just saw someone tag Ogre’s personal Instagram in a joke about Al Jourgensen’s IV drug use. What the fuck is wrong with you. I still like see red with anger when I remember stumbling into someone’s Nivek Ogre roleplay blog where they used DRG’s OVERDOSE as a point of drama IN THEIR KINK ROLEPLAY. I fucking hope none of you watch your loved ones fall apart and eventually die from drug addiction or god forbid suffer from it yourself. And it’s not just that; I’ll never forget when those posts about Skuppy’s music being used at Gitmo were circulating as if it was just some quirky thing. Posts like “lol imagine being a war prisoner and suddenly Assimilate starts playing” as if that shit doesn’t suck hardcore and wasn’t the absolute antithesis of what Skinny Puppy has always fought for which is pacifism and equality and the end of war and violence and brutality. The people being tortured at Gitmo are real people and Skinny Puppy was reasonably devastated by the situation. Spamming public tags on IG with terminally online often very sexual jokes about these guys, me having to wade through “I want Raymond Watts to vore me XD jdhgdkdksjdh” in the damn KMFDM tag. Seeing a 17 year old comment on a popular musician’s selfie in eyeliner saying he looked “queer” and being like “I just know you don’t use he/him pronouns” like that shit IS WEIRD. THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE!!

IDK man. This is not a fandom, it is a real community that these guys are part of. I am friends with some of these musicians and/or their friends IN REAL LIFE because I live in the same city as them and go to the same events as them. I haven’t done anything special other than be around them and be chill. Tons of them are my Facebook friends or my mutuals on Instagram or they’re my friends’ Facebook friends and mutuals on Instagram. I’ve had some of my favorite musicians follow me back COMPLETELY unexpectedly. I’ve heard “I recognize you from online” when I’ve met some of my favorite people in the scene, even if we hadn’t directly interacted before… MULTIPLE times. I’ve made posts about a band and then saw the fucking band repost it to a different site. I’ve seen my blog get linked in the official Skinny Puppy group that the band moderates. I also know like three separate situations where somebody’s publicly posted RPF was SENT TO THE BAND MEMBERS. I’m relatively neutral (or at least have a lot of nuance) about RPF but some fucking self awareness would be nice; these guys are NOT that “famous,” they are actively running their social media pages, they don’t have PR guys, they are lurking social media, interacting with fans, their friends are normal people in the scene. It just feels so disrespectful and out of touch. Did you know that one time somebody made a joke about Ogre being on drugs in the Skinny Puppy Facebook group and Ogre himself logged in for the first time in awhile to say it wasn't funny and was painful for him to see NOT because of his own past with drugs but because it reminded him of the amount of friends he’s had die from addiction and overdose? That was a real moment that happened. It isn’t funny.

I just keep seeing this breed of newcomers who get super into the identity of being “an industrial fan” (usually with all these edgy extras like “fucked up sicko dykefag rivethead freak”) who are coming into it straight out of like, the Danganrompa or Saw or whatever fandom and cannot conceptualize the fact that this isn’t a “fandom,” they don’t know how to talk about it like it’s not a fandom, they talk about how the musicians are “so old now” which is just so insulting (you should be BEGGING the universe to be so kind as to allow you to live to be grey and wrinkly and still making art that you love!) or make jokes at the expense of the traumas they’ve endured, they don’t seek out more obscure or more recent or more local music even though THAT is what is keeping the scene alive. it has real life spaces that the musicians they’re idolizing are frequenting and it is very very obvious that they are not going outside or engaging with the scene at all, they aren’t viewing it as this huge community of people who are all congregating together over their love for this music. They’re treating the musicians like these crazy characters but they are real people and their traumas and struggles and “weird” behavior is what brought them to this type of music to begin with! They’re making posts about how musicians just aren’t “weird” anymore while completely ignoring the decades of recent incredible music from artists trying desperately to survive in this world IN THE SCENE THEY CLAIM TO BE PART OF!! You are not a depraved freak punk rivethead faggot you are a 20 year old introvert that listens to NIN, KMFDM, and Skinny Puppy while not supporting the scene in any tangible way whatsoever and talking about the people who created the genre like they’re commodifiable fictional characters. And it’s not a question of “you don’t listen to enough music to be legit!” I love baby bats and newcomers and I absolutely adore seeing people get into this music and find solace and community within it. Industrial music saved my life and I was once the newcomer just discovering this stuff. it’s a question of “you are being disrespectful and out of touch while acting like you know what more than you really do.” Go out to a goth club. Talk to people. Sing along in a crowd to your favorite songs. Type in Bandcamp Dot Com right now and discover a new artist. Buy an album and tip them. That r/LSD comment where the guy said “keep it chill or suffer the consequences.”

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fantasticpants · 1 year

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Too often these days, I feel like I’m living in the dumbest of all worlds.

The country I live in is happily sliding down the slippery slope into becoming a fundamentalist fascist dictatorship and the whole world is facing a tsunami of authoritarian populism, among other bullshit. It’s fucking terrifying.

Meanwhile in the online world, you see scold pieces about how problematic it is to like villains.

Seriously?

A story blew up about 6-year-old girl who dressed up as Homelander for Halloween -- haha whoops, who is gonna tell her she’s glorifying a rapist racist fascist? There was apparently a whole ensuing kerfuffle where rightwing Homelander fans started claiming he’s not actually a villain, which led to thinkpieces about how worrying it is that people are no longer able to tell a fictional villain from a good guy.

Clearly this is the true epidemic of our age.

You keep seeing this mindset of: Aha, I recognized a fictional fascist/abuser/problematique~ character!! I’m a good person with good politics and I will now mock and harass their dumb fascists fans and get my progressive brownie points!

Ugh. Some of my exhausted rage over this is due to me being prone to liking problematique~ characters and ships; I’m specifically defensive of my terrible blorbo and feel absolutely no obligation to justify it or prove that I like him in the “right” way, i.e. by flattening him into a one-dimensional caricature only worthy of hate. He’s often cited to be a red flag character, but it’s actually fairly easy to recognize when people like him for fucked up reasons; they’ll happily bring their shitty politics into it and spout misogynistic garbage about female characters, etc. As for the rest of us... how about you give people the benefit of the doubt instead of automatically assuming they’re media illiterate morons? People might like or relate to a villain because they empathize with their trauma or maladaptive coping mechanism or a particular neurodivergence that’s rare to see in a “good guy” character, and for a myriad of other reasons.

It’s none of your business, frankly, and at this point, I feel like this whole avenue of discourse is purely toxic. Reducing the world to a paranoid black & white and scorning nuance is a dangerous, deeply right-wing practice, and dressing it up in progressive concern trolling doesn’t change that fact; it only makes harder to swallow because you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, worrying when your progressive allies are going to exile you to the shame corner over liking the wrong thing.

There’s that line from the Last Jedi: That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.

It struck me as pretty trite and corny at first, but these days I feel like it’s a very good guideline to engaging in politics, fandom, and probably life in general. Scorn, hate and judgment might be satisfying to engage in, but ultimately, the discourse just traps us in an insufferable hamster wheel cage match.

tl;dr ...I’m tired. But I’m grateful for the cozy Homie corner and for people willing to engage with compassion and nuance.

#villain discourse #ramblyrants #homelander

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manstrans · 10 months

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I feel like “children should not have their privacy in the hands of Uber controlling parents that are basically stalking them and causing them harm” and “the internet is not safe for children and they should not have social media accounts until a certain age/parents should learn to allow their children agency while monitoring their safety online with a healthy communication model and/or monitoring their social media usage” are things that can and should coexist. But also abusive parents just shouldn’t have kids LMAO but you don’t need me to say that.

And there must also be a dialogue about how on the internet children who are not an appropriate age to be left unsupervised are consistently exposed to content (I was I was younger being a liveleak kid, and now there is/was Ankha Zone and Cupcakke memes on tiktok or the few instances of graphic gore and death footage being passed around) that they should not be seeing. I should not have been seeing 8 year olds talking graphically about sex the way I was on platforms like tiktok.

“But children deserve a place on the internet,” people may say — to which I agree, but you’re also talking about the same internet where shit like Ankha Zone was exposed to young children and I was exposed to actual IRL gore when I was 5-11.

“Children deserve a place on the internet” absolutely can, should and must co-exist with acknowledging how unsafe the internet is for them, because no matter how hard we advocate for filtering and tagging and stuff like that there will always be someone somewhere who will find their way around it.

We must also recognize that parental safety features, while they can and WILL be used by people that most certainly should NOT have kids, are also very important — what about parents who are not cruel overbearing assholes? What if they have an open communication model as I’ve mentioned before with mutual respect etc etc and they DO have a good relationship and therefore are capable of using these tools for the advantages of both parent and child? What if for a moment these tools could prevent someone from turning out like a liveleak kid or what have you if they were handled in the right hands by a parent who isn’t a helicoptery abusive shitstain?

Idk it’s hard to articulate but it is a very wide and nuanced argument and I feel like a lot of people miss out on the capability of using these types of things for good because they get so caught up in how it will be used for evil by people who should, again, not have kids. It’s also so hard to try and bring up how these tools can be useful and healthy for the child (again if the parent and child have a good relationship built on open communication trust and respect and the parent isn’t you know hovering constantly) without someone wanting to tunnel vision on something and call me an abuser for just… advocating for the safety of children online and how certain tools can be used for such when the internet is full of people (see: trolls) who will do anything to get around filtering?

Idk I do hope this made sense I did just wake up from an afternoon nap LMAO.

I get what you're getting at, but tbh it's also like... there's a huge difference between a 10 year old and a 13 year old using the internet. at the point where a child is going to be talking to people online, especially people they met through the internet, they should already be old enough to have this as a space away from their parents strict watch

sure, you can ask your kid before monitoring what they do online, but are they allowed to say no? and if they are, do they know they're allowed to? has there been a previous pattern of not letting them say no and set boundaries that could make them think that saying no will, at best, do nothing?

will monitoring them in this way even protect them? how are you supposed to know that someone is a predator just from their icon and username? does being able to pry just at that information make your child free like you don't trust them, so they must hide anything that could cause even less trust or more shame? not to mention teaching them that this kind of spying is okay as long as the person doing it has power over them

and even if you could answer all of those confidently that there's no inherent harm, there's still going to be bad people abusing it. it doesn't matter that some parents might use it responsibly, we know that many parents are going to use it to control and traumatize their kids. and abusive partners could use it to track their significant other as well, this is also basically a given

when I weigh any potential good against any certain bad, it just isn't worth it in my eyes

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sarahshoots1st · 1 year

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In defense of my angel lady

Because I have religious trauma and love strong female characters, so angels are my nectar and ambrosia

A lot of people - including Riot - like to vilify Kayle, portraying her as an example of taking justice too far, someone who executes the law with mercy or consideration for they greyness of morality. While I think that is a valid story to tell with a Justice-themed character, I think they're forgetting one important fact:

90% of the characters in the LoL universe are turds.

We've got fascist homophobes, expansionist imperialists, late-stage capitalists, drug-lords who are doing their best to imitate the aforementioned capitalists, god-emperors with enough hubris to doom a hundred Greek heroes, religious extremists enacting a "holy" war, a tentacle-monster who wants to beat the shit out everyone, a tentacle-monster who wants to assimilate everyone, a tentacle-monster that wants to disintegrate everyone, demons that revel in negative emotions, an incel who wants to control everyone via negative emotions, a lich-revenant who wants to send everyone to the shadow realm, a dozen different prime examples of toxic masculinity, a man who literally wants to watch the world burn, and a nihilistic sentient sword that wants to annihilate literally everything so it can finally know peace.

Given how many beings there are running around who very much so need to be smitten with a flaming sword in order to keep the innocent inhabitants of Runeterra safe, I would much rather see Kayle be portrayed as a cosmic defender of the planet rather than a merciless executioner. I sincerely hope Riot recognizes the appeal that some people see in a Captain Marvel-style character who can be called in to deal with threats that are too large for the main cast to deal with. The new card art in LoR where she's fighting Aatrox alongside Ryze gives me hope that they're at least considering this direction - which I personally think is much more interesting than "she's just hanging around silently judging everyone." The lore they gave her after the rework was very much along the lines of the Demacia-treatment of "we're going to make this stereotypically good-aligned-looking character/faction objectively evil so that are characters/factions will be 'nuanced'", which while interesting, was implemented all the subtlety of a Malphite Ult. That level of moral complexity requires nuance to properly execute, and one-page articles released whenever a new champion is added to the game isn't going to cut it.

The problem I feel with her current lore is that they seem to be implying that she views everyday inhabitants of Runeterra on the same degree of evil as the demon-bird-man who uses the Sith lightning and the Eye of Sauron to expand his empire. There is a lore justification for this - her father was slain by people who let their devotion to both her and her sister carry them too far. This opens up potentially-interesting story opportunities for what happens when justice is not blind and impartial - but again, that type of story requires nuance and detail. It requires being able to constantly see inside a character's mental and emotional state, to watch as their perspectives change over time in response to the pain and tragedy they experience. And with the way Riot is currently handling their lore, we don't get that kind of narrative. It's like trying to have a political debate in a TikTok comments section - you get none of the nuance and all of the extreme, straw-man positions.

So until Riot puts the time and effort into writing a book or some other form of media that could properly display a descent from "noble protector" to "bane of humanity" Avacyn-style, I hope they continue to bring her in specifically to deal with the champions who are creating problems, and don't sick her on the general population - which is what the lore and voice-lines surrounding her imply is completely possible. That kind of character is just a jerk, and not in an interesting way. Let her fight the people who truly deserve Justice.

Some of us just want to see the majestic winged-lady with the magical swords slay some evil, dammit.

#seriously how does anyone survive longer than a week on runeterra #kayle did nothing wrong #league of legends #league of runeterra #kayle #kayle lol #kayle league of legends #league of legends rant

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tori-artemis · 2 years

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I don't usually make posts when I'm upset about something (or like, at all) but honestly I'm just. Really sick of the Loki fandom as a whole. Like I'm just tired of all the pettiness and bullshit. And tbh it's on both ends of the Loki series/Ragnarok split. Both pros and antis.

This isn't so much a vague post as it's a vent post for me. You see, I've been having these feelings about the Loki fandom overall for months now, and I've seen certain posts from the positive side where I just want to - jump in and say something, or at least speak for myself as an ""anti"" (hate that word btw) bc the amount of generalizing I've seen that goes on over there wrt ppl who dislike the show is just - well it's fucking frustrating. Like it annoys me bc I've heard every dumb overgeneralization since the show first came out, from not wanting Loki to move on bc we're oh-so-traumatized to we're just bitter bc the show didn't go the way we wanted/our hcs of Loki weren't validated, etc.

I think one that annoyed me the most was the claim that ppl who hate/dislike Sylvie as a character do so out of misogyny. And like - maybe there's some truth there wrt how the character/actress tend to be bombarded with gendered slurs, and yes that's not cool, but I've never referred to Sylvie or Sophia as any slur. (In fact I don't even hate Sylvie - what I do hate is how the writers have set her up as a "superior" contrast to Loki, which to me seems very intentional on their part, particularly wrt the Trauma Olympics™ as in "Sylvie had it so much harder" 🙄 - but I digress). Yet I can't help but feel like I'm being lumped in the "antis are misogynists" bin every time I read any of those posts from the pro side, simply bc I dislike the way a character was utilized. The way those posts are written, the way they sound - it's very black and white, overgeneralizing an entire group of fans, there's no nuance or side notes or disclaimers of "hey - I know not all of y'all are like this, this is just about some I've encountered" - not even in the tags, nothing. And I've just wanted so badly to jump in and say: "hey, anti here and I'm not like that" but I refrain, bc I've grown so tired of all the fandom infighting and discourse that I usually don't have the energy to get into it. So when I see someone from that side of fandom jump on a post and say how they dislike being overgeneralized as a fan, and how they feel like they're being misrepresented, or condescended to... I can't help but feel kinda upset by that, ngl. Part of me just wants to say "yes it sucks, but recognize that your side (if not you yourself) does it too. Some of you folks do it too."

Like I've read posts implying/stating that antis who hate the show lack critical thinking skills - and like, look, there might be a bit of truth wrt, say, calling Sylvie an outright abuser (and even I've been a little guilty of agreeing to view her as a person with toxic traits as opposed to the enemy-to-lovers trope she clearly falls into - tho I still can't really fault myself for not being able to take that romance seriously due to how damn rushed and forced it felt - but that's besides the point). But there's just something about the way a lot of these posts are worded, like yes some posts are pretty reasonable, but others are practically dripping with condescending sentiment (for lack of better words) as if we're fucking stupid for having emotional reactions to media as opposed to critical reactions, when isn't that the point of media and art, to illicit emotions? Like yes, the story might be trying to say something (and it might epically fail in doing so, which is how I view the show overall) but it's also meant to move ppl. And if it fails to do so, or it garners an unintended reaction, or the characterization is too inconsistent or the story telling itself is rushed/filled with inconsistencies then can you really blame fans for, well, being blindsided by disappointment/their emotions as opposed to critically analyzing it? And yes I know this is a matter of opinion, but still.

(Like sometimes a story can be extremely well written overall, and very well thought out and fans will just be oblivious to, choose to ignore or even outright refuse to pick up on the symbolism within a story, or the internal motivations/conflicts within a character, or how a character progresses/character arcs in general. Sometimes fans will even completely and intentionally misread a character in their entirety, and the role they play within a story, no matter how skilled and how excellent the writing is within a piece of art. And sometimes fans will just overall fail to realize the major themes/hints that a writer carefully lays out. Yes this is a thing, and one I've been made aware of in the particular fandom that I'm about to join.)

But then there's stories that are just... lazily/half-heartedly written at best, and so I just don't understand where pro stans get off by being condescending to ppl like me who just couldn't be immersed due to all those flaws in storytelling. Especially when I didn't get enough out of it to even see where a lot of these conclusions fans seem to have drawn from it. Like there are some inconsistencies within the story itself, there are things that just don't make a whole lot of sense, there are many contradictions, I didn't just make them up. And again I know, everyone interprets media differently, but I don't really see what a lot of pro fans have taken from the series, bc I personally don't think its there. And I really don't appreciate being thought of as some kind of imbecile for not "getting it" when the media in question is, objectively... not all that great tbh. And I'm being absolutely neutral when I say that, like I'm literally not even hating here.

And like I could've easily have turned around and made a bunch of posts stating how pro fans are "stupid" for putting so much thought into a piece of media I personally find to be stupid or just lacking in general, but I haven't. Bc one: that's a shitty thing to do to ppl, and two: it wouldn't even be true bc so many ppl who I consider very intelligent have enjoyed this show, and do put a lot of thought into analyzing it, so despite me not really seeing where they're coming from I want to respect that. And look, it's not like I haven't had those presumptuous thoughts or knee jerk reactions, bc yeah I am in an echo chamber too, and I'm no saint - I'm definitely human and I've had some overgeneralized, uncharitable takes. But I recognize this about myself, I don't post that shit. Which is why I get so upset when I see so many other fans do just that.

Also there is a definite misuse of the depiction of torture, which is used to convey certain themes, and that's very unfortunate, and IMO very bad writing/storytelling. I probably would've been a little more charitable towards the series overall if the Sif-beatdown timeloop scene had been scrapped altogether like the writers seriously should've considered doing (due to the fact that torture has so many misconceptions and is grossly excused in the majority of media which has unfortunate real world consequences) and instead focus more on Loki confronting his fear of being alone, if that truly is what the intention for that scene was. Like yes, some antis might go overboard wrt the messaging within the show, but when it comes to things like the atrocious time loop scene... that's not a made up thing we just happen to pull out of nowhere, that's something the writers put in there and therefore, yeah that's pretty fucked.

Then on the other side I'll find myself liking a post from a negative series fan bc I'll agree with the overall sentiment of it, only to unlike it right after reading the tags bc they've said something like "ppl who like this show/movie/etc are stupid" or "if you ever defended or even enjoyed TR fuck you" - and like??? WTF. I understand disliking the show or whatever but why the hell would you brush over an entire group of real, actual people as "idiots" for simply liking a piece of media??? Like - do I think the show was a disjointed mess? Yeah, I do. Do I think it was poorly written? Yes. Do I even think the reasoning behind a lot of these writing decisions was really fucking stupid on the creators part (or at the very least, that they failed to convey their ideas clearly)? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean anyone who's ever enjoyed the show is stupid for doing so, and I say this as someone who does have the knee-jerk reaction to go "how could you like that show, it sucked so much!"

But like, at the end of the day I understand that ppl take different things out of media. And just bc you find something so stupid or unwatchable, doesn't mean others will, and that's okay bc ppl are different and have different tastes and IDK how ppl don't fucking get that??? Like why is this even a hot take when it's literally just a fact???

It's shit like this that makes me feel like leaving the fandom all together. Which I don't really want to do, bc despite everything wrong with fandom and despite my own personal disappointment with the latest Loki/Thor franchise installments I still really love Loki as a character, and I still want to write fic revolving him. I even still want to make friends within the Loki fandom bc that's literally why I created this blog in the first place, to befriend other Loki fans, like I could've easily stayed being a lurker within the fandom but regardless I think at this point it's farfetched to want this bc the fandom's just way too split and way too hostile and way too fucking eager to be uncharitable and condescending af. And I'm just tired. I'm just... really really tired of the pettiness, the condescending attitude a lot of fans seem to fucking have for anyone who might think differently from them.

I'm tired of the gatekeeping - on both sides. It's on both sides. Because saying "real Loki fans would never like/defend TR/the show" and "how anyone can claim to be a Loki fan if they hate him/his own show" aren't so far apart from each other, both sentiments basically say the same thing, just from polarized viewpoints.

And I wish more fans would just recognize that.

#Loki fandom negativity #I refuse to tag this as anything else bc this isn't about the show - it's the fandom #look I'm just tired guys #I've been fed up and sick of all the damn fucking pettiness #Maybe I'm being overdramatic here #But in my defense I too am in the middle of experiencing that time of the month...#(I swear this isn't so much about that particular post as it is about all the other posts and nonsense I've seen #and the disappointment I've had with fandom that's just been pent up inside of me)#I know ppl follow me who are really entrenched in the negativity side who might take offense to this #And while I'm not really trying to offend anyone here I don't really want to go on pretending that I'm not kinda upset by all the -#posts and hot takes and hate bashing of fans/folks who might've actually enjoyed the show - bc yeah I hate that damn show too #but I can't help but feel disappointed when ppl start calling folks ''idiots'' and whatnot for enjoying a piece of media #THIS IS A BOTH SIDES ISSUE AND IM FUCKING TIRED OF IT #ALL OF YOU (GENERALLY) FUCKING GATEKEEP THE FANDOM #BOTH CONDESCEND THE OTHER SIDE AND ITS. FUCKING SHITTY #NO IM NOT A MISOGYNISTIC IDIOT WHO'S INCAPABLE OF CRITICALLY ANALYZING A MEDIOCRE/SUBPAR SHOW #AND NO JUST BC I HATE THE SHOW DOESNT MEAN I WANT TO HATEBASH ANYONE WHO ENJOYED IT #PPL ARENT IDIOTS OR STUPID FOR LIKING/DISLIKING A PIECE OF MEDIA FFS #like even discussing with some friends on discord is frustrating when they say things like ''i judge ppl who like the show''#like no. stop doing that shit. dont condescend others like that #if anyone seeing this feels offended and wants to block/unfollow thats okay #ive already made another blog focusing on a completely different fandom #so im probably going to be dipping out of here soon anyway #i just wanted to get this off my chest before doing so #also i know there are some cool ppl here on both sides/in the middle but im just done #i said i wasnt going to talk about the show but then i just went and did so #loki series criticism i guess #might as well title this post 'How to lose friends and alienate loki fans'#tldr: everyone (generally) in this damn fandom is fucking petty and IM TIRED

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violinsolos · 2 years

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Good Omens is Hays Coding you & you can recognize this and still like or relate to it

It's probably not worth it to make this post but it absolutely lights me on fire as an asexual person to see people using asexuality to justify the fact that Aziraphale and Crowley are not canonly romantic. As though it does something novel--as though it is somehow a more complex Queer narrative because it has coded romantic subtext (as though we have not already had to cling to vagueness, symbolism, and coding for decades as Queer people desperately sought mirrors to their experience). As though ace people are inherently coded, indefinable, or invisible to begin with, so the fact that GO uses subtext and does not make the A&C Queerness text is somehow to be lauded as MORE progressive than unapologetically open romance would be.

In 1930, Hollywood established The Hays Code to determine what could and could not be depicted in films. This code banned the portrayal of Queer people entirely, so filmmakers who wanted to express Queerness had to do so through codes--visual cues and vague references that could slip the censors but still express some small window into Queer experience.

Good Omens is a Hays Code kind of show. It has subtext and codes but the average viewer will likely not read it as romantic. The average person is not trained to read subtext, let alone Queer subtext. They've never had to reach into small windows and subtext to find themselves before.

I am also willing to bet Good Omens didn't have to change a thing to sell in countries where Queerness is illegal. And that should be the bar for Queer media imo: a complete homophobe from a country where it is ILLEGAL TO BE QUEER and has NEVER MET A QUEER PERSON needs to be able to recognize the romantic elements WITHOUT CONFUSION. This doesn't mean stories can't be subtle or nuanced--but the bar is just HIGHER for Queer stories than straight stories due to long histories of Queer invisibility in media thanks to things like the Hays code.

And no, it doesn't matter what Neil said on Twitter or whatever--what's in the text? That's the only thing that gets presented to the larger public! When he confirms it "off screen" that only means that he had to do that because it wasn't on-screen! He wouldn't have to do that if it was obvious to the average viewer and I think deep down you know it! Nobody has to ask if Ed and Stede are romantic by the end of season one and there's virtually nothing sexual about their relationship (yet? who knows lol). You could cut the kiss and it would still be clear.

We can still enjoy the subtext and even recognize ourselves in it! But that feeling you have of relating to and seeing yourself in A&C? An average audience member does not have access to those feelings.

So please for the love of god stop trying to deflate IMPORTANT critiques about vague or coded Queerness being insufficient in 2022 by using people like me. Ace relationships can be unique and complex and also clear even to a reader not already predisposed to interpret Queer subtext.

I absolutely HATE hearing how much I "deserve" the same coded, vague, could-play-as-straight-to-a-straight-audience-so-it's-not-risking-the-international-market crumbs that Queer people have fought so long to overcome. Oh, they don't kiss? Well that's for people like ME--an asexual person who can somehow only appreciate romance if it is as spectral as mist and I remember to bring my 3D decoder goggles to manifest the clues.

But mostly I feel sad--sad that we are so trained by the Hays Code to treat subtext as equal to text, because it's what we think we can get or deserve. That's why we absolutely cannot use spectres of acephobia to police and disengage from the important and historical disappointment that we feel as Queer people when we realize we have to find ourselves in subtexts rather than texts.

TL;DR: Good Omens is not an explicitly Queer text, it is a text with Queer subtext in the same tradition as the Hollywood Hays Code. It's not acephobic to critique this element of its storytelling and you can still enjoy it and ship them and even relate to them without insisting that this is the rep we "deserve." Signed, an ace person who loves romance.

#good omens #i'm not going to reply to any of the tags i swg #especially not if you use neil's tweets to make your point #his tweets are external to the text and not admissable #not all ace folks are a monolith obvs i'm not ace lorax speaking for the aces here #i am just tired of seeing posts about how I deserve this #a show no non-fandom straight person in my entire life has ever identified as Queer #so I don't want to debate this any further I just want to express how angry these posts make me as an asexual person

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starrbar · 1 year

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Ships and kinks don't actually reveal how deeply one can enjoy or appreciate a story

I noticed that lately I have this small paranoia in my head that goes kind of like this: "I just experienced an amazing, deep, or wholesome thing. If I start shipping or sexualizing the characters this soon, that will make it look like I never cared about the story or characters or nuances or lessons etc. It'll be like I was only looking for wank material and never appreciated the truly great stuff about it."

And that's not true. It's never true in my case. And though I don't condemn people who may genuinely only care about the ships of a particular media they like, I personally DO care about the whole packages and I analyze media extensively, so I really don't want people to think that of me.

I haven't seen a lot of claims of specifically this, but I have seen sort of adjacent claims about proshippers. Usually goes something like, "It's really Concerning™ that proshippers can't recognize red flags of a predator / don't understand sibling love", as if their ships indicate the ultimate limit of their capacity to comprehend anything. And that's just ungodly wrong. It's almost awkward to see comments like that because it's so bizarrely illogical.

I remember one time, I had expressed the opinion that one of my favorite stories, while it did not contain any plots about incest or pedophilia, was so well-written that it would have handled those topics with grace and care if it had decided to include them. And someone accused me of "PURELY seeing it as sexual and getting off to it" as if I hadn't literally centered my comment on the capabilities of the writers, and had even said that I preferred the relationship as it is in canon. Nowhere in my comment had I even mentioned finding the ship hot or wanting it to be canon. I demonstrated that I was able to appreciate the canon material while shipping a problematic non-canon ship on the side, and people still chose not to see that.

And it's actually one of the most frustrating experiences I've ever had with antis. If someone makes a shit claim to start the conversation, it's annoying, sure. But if someone purposely ignores or rewrites what I JUST SAID in order to make a shit claim, that makes my blood boil tenfold.

Couple example stories for me are Omori and Arcane, two very deep, meaningful stories with some very wholesome scenes too... which also happen to have problematic fanon ships that I enjoy exploring both for analysis reasons AND for horny reasons.

And I've seen people get genuine backlash for enjoying the wholesome side of a story purely for sfw E-rated reasons while also enjoying a creepy ship in a completely different space, in a completely different context. Or even just not caring if other people enjoy those things. "How dare you draw a child while being a proshipper!? You must be a creep!" a la this incident.

And now that I think about it, one reason someone may only see me horny-posting about something is because frankly those types of posts are easier to finish writing than a full essay about my intricate feelings about a plot. But then I find it embarrassing that I frequently fail to publish those essays because they would at least serve as proof that there's more to my enjoyment than just "sibling ship hawt".

Another reason is that I do manage to get those essay thoughts out, but unfiltered and ungrammar'd, to my friends. In servers or in DMs. Where I can express myself frantically and unpolished and still be fully understood. And if I say something that could be taken badly, I can just explain myself further instead of risking a sea of harassment BEFORE I have the chance to clarify something weird I said while jittering in my seat and flailing in excitement. With published essays about complex topics, I have to be VERY CAREFUL with my wording and quadruple-billion-check my posts, because I am aware that the internet gets enraged if you mention a thing and then don't give 20 disclaimers about every other possible interpretation of that thing.

Anyways.

Regardless of my probably unnecessary paranoia, I still recognize that everyone has a different reason for enjoying something. Everyone gets something different out of a positive experience. And it's not my job to judge and dictate which reasons are good and allowed and respectable. If something brings you joy, who am I to take that away from you?

Regardless if you enjoyed a show because of its plot or because of its "plot", there's nothing wrong about it. There's nothing gross or insulting about the way you enjoy things.

Keep being you and doing things you love!

#proship #pro-ship #pro ship #proshipping #profic #profiction #pro-fiction #pro fiction #comship #comshipping #anti anti #anti harassment #shipping discourse #starrspeaks #anti vs. pro stuff

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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hiya, do you have any blanket advice for those looking to do some solid research into self-diagnosis, especially as an autistic? good sources, common mistakes, etc? would appreciate anything because I’ve just had a long few hours of mentally spiralling into the depths of hell over trying to figure out what empathy and remorse actually are

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

Affective empathy (the type people mean when they just say empathy): The ability to recognize other's emotions subconsciously without thinking about it/trying to, and having those emotions mirrored in your own. So (for pwAffective Empathy) if someone is angry, you will feel angry (not at them). If someone is crying, you may want to cry or start crying. If someone is smiling genuinely, you will feel happy. There isn't a qualifier on this. You don't have to know the person at all, let alone care about them, for this to happen if you have affective empathy, but afaik it is stronger in those you're bonded with.

Cognitive Empathy: Being able to intentionally think about "putting yourself in their shoes" and figuring out, based on what you would be feeling/others in previous situations felt, what the person is feeling. This is something that takes some amount of effort and is usually what pwLow/No Empathy learn to do to mask empathy.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

Empathic Concern aka Compassion: Seeing someone in a tough situation or going through something that is upsetting (either to them or something generally considered upsetting like de*th) and feeling bad for them (also can include an urge to help them in some way or feeling bad you can't help them).

As for resources, I would say reading the DSM entries is always my first step in the long process of researching a disorder I think I may have. The DSM is thorough, if stigmatizing towards ASPD in some ways, and is the standard to which professionals are held in their diagnoses in the USA.

I also firmly recommend looking into anecdotal experience on tumblr, tiktok, etc etc (besides twitter which imo does not allow enough characters for nuanced discussion of mental health) to see if you relate to how the disorder tends to present. It's especially helpful to try and find pw any comorbid disorders you have talking about their experience. For example, I am AuDHD and have ASPD, which means my experience will be much different than someone with ASPD who does not have autism and/or ADHD. People try and discredit social media representation of mental health, to which I say "screw you, you just don't like that people with mental health disorders don't need to feel isolated and alone and shamed anymore". Obviously, take these as anecdotes, not guarantees on what the disorder looks like, but when you read enough of it, you'll get the vibe of what is controversial vs what most of the community with the disorder experiences.

Common mistakes: beware the loud minority/elitist assholes. There are people who are thoroughly convinced that no one with this disorder is allowed to look different than anyone else with it (Similar to people who say "you can't be autistic bc you don't act like my high support needs 5 year old autistic cousin"). There are people still using the word sociopath in an unironic way (and aren't just reclaiming it). These people will have you believe very ableist things they internalized. Notice them, block them, and move on from it.

Another common mistake is not reading into discourse about the disorder. Discourse can be stressful to read, but if you're looking into if you do or don't have a disorder, it can be very useful to see what is important enough to pw the disorder to be arguing about. You don't have to and maybe shouldn't pick a side while you're still questioning if you have it, but there is info to be gained in respectful discourse posts.

Maybe the most important: reading about stigma and ableism as tagged by people with the disorder. This will help you avoid falling into any internalized ableism and avoid getting blocked by informational accounts that could be beneficial to you learning. Do this before you post (or post again) about the disorder. Learn what is considered harmful, hurtful, ableist, and/or stigmatizing as far as the community of pw the disorder is concerned and keep it in mind in any future posts and irl discussions about the disorder.

Aside from that, I know a great post (not specific to ASPD at all) about the process of self diagnosis that I will link for you under the links to my posts about empathy and remorse. Linking specifically to a reblog with an important addition I touched on here.

I hope this helps!

Links:

It's worth noting that in this last link, OP (not Mental Illness Bingo) repeatedly remarks on it being annoying and/or inappropriate to ask blogs "do you think I might have this", and I personally disagree. That's just a me thing though. I cannot diagnose anyone as I am just a person with a (maybe somewhat worrying) amount of professionally diagnosed mental health conditions, not a professional. Even if I was one, I would not be able to diagnose you bc I am not your professional. I don't mind helping point people in the right direction if they feel I could be helpful though! I do agree that friends may be biased, and I know many other blogs have policies against answering that sort of ask, so know your audience if you ask. Just wanted to make that note here so no one things I'm vagueing them by linking that post. If I am uncomfortable with a certain type of ask, I'll make sure you guys know and probably add it to my pinned post.

Plain text below the cut:

I have posts I will link at the end of this defining remorse that hopefully should help.

Empathy exists in 2 or 3 types, depending on who you ask. Most commonly, you will see 2 types of empathy being spoken about.

The third, that is less talked about as a type of empathy:

I hope this helps!

Links are above, and I have added plain texts to the ones that are mine as well.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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transhawks · 1 year

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Little personal vent here under the cut but involves todo discourse.

Off the cuff remark here, but I remember being so frustrated a few years back when the reaction to the idea of Horikoshi showing conflicting/loving feelings in the kids towards Enji even as an abuser was just to call it abuse apologia and not even engage with the idea abuse victims often have contradictory feelings on stuff. Like I'd keep silent because my fandom space absolutely had no room for me defending Horikoshi doing this, but it was honestly fairly hurtful hearing people just dismiss what he was trying to do (which I recognized as fellow abuse survivor) was give a wide range of reactions to abuse.

My feelings were/are clearly vindicated by the narrative because well... the entirety of the Touya backstory and Shouto-Touya fight shows how conflicting Touya's feelings are, but also like idk. I don't think /I/ am rare in child abuse survivor feelings when, while I want more media narratives of no reconciliation with the abuser, am also in a position where I'm reaching out to my own abusers constantly. idk man, my folks called the cops on me a few weeks ago because they were "worried", but here I am at 3 am trying to find my dad a birthday gift. I mean it's clown shit, but that's abuse, somewhere along the years I clearly got that clownery smacked me into me.

I don't know. The lack of nuance (and I admit I was guilty of pushing it a few years ago but I've...matured on it) and just complete anger towards anyone who brought up the various complexities of the Todoroki narrative, include Rei's own faults (vindicated by the apparently canon novels) and neglect of her kids which I see so many people absolutely even refuse to consider, it just did this fandom harm.

I look at what this fandom was in 2020 and 2021 and just shudder. It feels like we all collectively lost our minds and took on the most unyielding and polarizing attitudes towards fandom opinions as some form of social capital and weird performativeness.

I'm just glad I'm able to see that more clearly now.

#tw vent #tw child abuse #fandom discourse

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stinkgh · 8 months

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I feel like there is a sort of toxic recovery culture of forcing 'healthy' ideologies on people without recognizing that recovery is all about grief. At the core of recovery is grieving all the versions of you that have been stepped on, trampled, shoved in the closet, and told you have no right to exist in this world. And I think the main thing that people tend to forget, is that we all grieve differently but the one universal language of recovery is the right to your own autonomy. And I think we forget that in cases where we try to force ourselves to see the healthy points of view without going through the process of allowing ourselves to point out how much we disagree with the change, we are not actually ✨making room for✨ our true genuine authentic selves to experience our true authentic voice. For example, one healing point of view I tend to heavily disagree with right now is the whole "be grateful for what you have" thing because I literally came from a place where I didn't- and still don't- have a goddamn thing to my name. Being told I need to be thankful for being born to a world that stripped me of everything before I could even grasp the concept that I was being abused definitely triggers me back to that neolithic state of my mother yelling at me to be more grateful for the bare minimum. And yet despite my triggers, I do actually have reasons to be grateful? Sure, but that's for me to discover through my own process. The point is, I'm allowed to feel upset and angry at the way society will force that on me as if I am a selfish ungrateful brat, and expect me to accept that without a word otherwise. Being able to hear someone mindlessly regurgitate some healing p0rn they've shared on Facebook and giving myself the right to disagree and go off about how the sentiment is utter bullshit to me, is also a healthy and necessary part of regaining your autonomy, and that is an equally important part to recovery just as much. It helps us understand the nuances from our own voice and that is so incredibly powerful and I wish more people would consider this reframe more especially if you run any kind of mental health blog on social media. I definitely understand the whole "make your own post/don't unload your trauma on my post" boundary. That's valid. But if you're wanting to encourage healing you've got to understand people heal in all sorts of ways, even through expressing the negativity, that is still a huge part of healing too.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #trauma recovery #cptsd #bpd #toxicity #mental health #boundaries #growth

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strangestcase · 2 years

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I've been enjoying following along with Dracula Daily, and have really enjoyed smart, complex commentary about the book by people like you, so thank you for that! I especially am grateful that you acknowledge that the book and Stoker are racist, anti-Semitic, sexist, homophobic, etc. in addition to being a good book where it's progressive moments are accidental or confused at best, bc while I understand there are some nuances, it's tiring seeing so many people bend over backwards to argue that Stoker was a feminist and a champion of positive gay rep, with Dracula himself being seen as an actual positive gay character?

It's like fandom and shipping discourse has ruined some people's media literacy to recognize a gay predator/rapist trope rooted into anti-Semitism and Orientalism that instead, they see it as Stoker writing self-insert fic bc he wants to be fucked by vampires, and it's like, one can acknowledge the existence of homoeroticism without automatically assuming it's meant to be positive in context. I just opened the Dracula Daily tag this morning to see someone selling cutesy Pride flag stickers with the 'I can love too' quote like it was a heartwarming gay rep moment, and ?????

I really can’t comment much on this because YEAAAAAH I agree with you! I love Dracula but I feel like analyzing it as a modern media property (a mistake a lot of people make, hence why I stay away from the gothic fiction fandom) misses the mark. It is a book written in 1897. You have to read it as such. It is important that you do so. Sure, you could just do a surface level reading of it, but it’d be like chowing down on a carefully made meal- you wouldn’t be able to parse out the good bits, the bad bits, the bits you liked and the bits you couldn’t swallow. So anyway! This comment made my day and AAAAAAH thank you so much!! Overthinking classic horror is my jam, and I really hope you find cool new books to read! Maybe we can share them!

#THANK YOU SO MUCH KIND ANON YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL CREATURE…#lovingly feeds you beans

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neutralexist · 1 year

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on platonic love and introversion - 1/23

I’ve given up on any semblance of effort in my writing - outlines, pre contrived subject matter, or relevant “hot topic” chatter, and am instead focusing all my literary energy on something much simpler - life. Specifically, my life, as that is the only reality I grasp enough to have deep, pervasive thoughts about.

So what has January brought me? At first I was thinking (endlessly) about the idea of home - what is it, how do I capture it, is it an achievable object or emotional environment/state of being? - then considered waxing poetic about my experiences with romantic love, past, present, and future in a preemptive examination of February. But these topics seem to be more ongoing explorations: things I have not yet settled into or pursued sufficiently to fully understand. So, I have instead settled on the exploration of two not entirely separate topics, but ones that I understand to be different to the aforementioned ideas: Platonic Love and Introversion.

While I deem most self-prescriptive terminology clumsy, lacking nuance, and overly saturated online these days, I am, or have become, an introvert. And I think this shocks people.

Upon meeting, I am endlessly and embarrassingly chatty, witless and witty - a far cry from the shy, word-stumbling “introvert” popular media so desperately clings to. And while that expression of myself is me, it is also equally not me. There is so much to the carefully constructed social facing Lily - not for manipulation or show or networking or clout or any other surface level thing people adjust their social personas for - but simply for energy. I, for as much as I enjoy, love even, being with others, do not feel like I fully exist within these interactions.

I fully, deeply love my friends - wholeheartedly and authentically (really starting to dislike that word, “authentically”, but in this case it rings true). But I am not undone by my friends. And I am most myself when I am undone. Raw, unmonitored, uncurated. I struggle often with my own earnestness. I am aware of, even practiced in, withholding earnestness from others because I’ve been made aware it’s draining for others to have to bear me, the whole me. So I detach. Against my nature, I detach. Instead, emptying myself.

Introversion has become the… tool (?) to navigate the consequences of my own openness. I don’t think introversion and earnestness are inherently in conflict, but over the years, I have done more than pit them against each other; I’ve put them at war. Being alone is my white flag, surrendering to both and to neither. It allows time to reflect on and heal the damages of war.

In all my earnestness, I love my friends, endlessly, but I am not wholly undone by them.

“It's not about looking at each other

But together in the same direction”

Ultimately, this speaks more to my ability ( or lack thereof) to recognize and comfortably exist in the simple love of others. I have been thinking about the quote above lately and have found it unbearably resonant of my own habits. I tend to look at others, across times, places, emotions, thoughts, and only note the vastness between it all. Is love - platonic or otherwise - not a two way street? An act of multiples? I’ve been so blind to the love of others, friends particularly. Is it not better to look at something and glean the possibility of a differing view than be disappointed the beauty is not fully, single mindedly shared? Perhaps, the beauty comes from being able to share all the lovely parts.

Suddenly, I am feeling much like Dickens’ infamous Ebenezer- Waking up on the final day, hoping it’s not too late. I have not always been this way - introverted, blind, and hyper, overly intentional. I strayed, became disoriented. I lost my ability to feel love from others, to allow myself to receive love from others years ago - though my ability to see love has been untouched. Is platonic love not the foundation of all abilities and forms of love? If I call out and someone answers, is the act of answering not as important or perhaps more important than the answer? Why haven’t I been listening? I was deafened. I remember the blows. I have noted and can trace each misleading path; My only hope now is to undo it.

Earnesty is not a crime. Openness is not a battle. They are small things, allowances of insight and beauty. They are things to be experienced through others in tandem with oneself. Maybe feeling is less draining when you allow the feelings of others to fill the space left behind. When I call, there is an answer. What a beautiful thing it is to have an answer… something to think about, something to reckon with, something to savor and take in and fill with.

One can only be undone if aware of the doing. Friendship, platonic love, is the doing.

Introversion is a state of being. It can change. It can be undone.

#writing #imlilyjane #ljane #lljanee #introversion #platonic love #love #personal writing #essay #Mine

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thosemintcookies · 1 year

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I think like overall there's this thing about like. Being online and actually mutually having respect for each other while actually calling out real harm.

Like yeah if you're a teenager, you're still growing and developing your sense of boundaries. You shouldn't attack people for doing their thing in their own spaces when its not actually harmful or if there are clear intentions for you not to interact. But asking people to respect your boundaries is and should always be fair game.

Meanwhile I think there's also some adults that get absolutely fucking horrible about it when kids do express boundaries like "I'm uncomfortable that there are people significantly older than me sexualizing and making porn of people my age, about characters made for an audience of people my age." It's wild bc then these adults are like "It's just fic/art. Who's it hurting." Like the minors who have expressed discomfort with it. That's who. Textbook case in point. You're making people feel unsafe in a fandom made for people their age to enjoy. It would obviously be different if the media is made with an adult audience in mind, but like, be mindful? Everything deserves nuance and context.

I think we should welcome discourse to get to resolutions about things but also let's lend grace to young people who are still developing their own boundaries and are doing a lot of work internalizing a lot of ideas. It's just sort of something a lot of people go through as a part of regular development. I see so much actual vitriol aimed at young people who are just expressing discomfort rather than people actually engaging with the issues at hand. Its like "oh these puritanical teens are so sanitized and they attack people for just for shipping incest 🙄" rather than respecting those feelings, doing the work of self-assessment to ask oneself if it's an appropriate gripe to have, and being able to adjust accordingly or to let the person know that the space isn't for them. Where's the discernment?

No matter how young a person is, disagreeing with and belitting their feelings of discomfort is a really dangerous game to play. I'm someone who has certain traumas which resulted in me having to relearn my boundaries from scratch. It can mess you up. It's gaslighty and groomy. If needed it can be done respectfully, and ifyou feel like they might benefit from a deeper analysis about why a certain anxiety is unfounded, then it's theirs to work out, but effectively saying "actually incest and pedophilia is okay if it's fiction and all feelings of discomfort related to it are reactionary and juvenile" you normalize people not listening to their gut on the discomfort related to seeing these things in contexts that aren't appropriate.

I saw that tweet of a 16 year old implicitly calling their dad problematic for offering them alcohol. I feel like rather than dunking on them for not wanting to drink, we have to recognize the context they're coming from and ask ourselves where our gripe with it is coming from- it's not that the 16 year old is uncomfy being offered, it's that they're framing it in this really paranoid way where their family members are problematic for doing something relatively normal for that age. We can then ask ourselves whether that reaction is appropriate given the circumstances - were they actually pressured, or were they given the option to decline without any consequences? And then we can proceed accordingly. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It's as easy as "actually, experimenting with alcohol is pretty normal and in many states, people under 21 can drink legally if theyre supervised. Of course there's no pressure to drink if you don't want to but calling your dad out for this sort of thing might be a little hurtful to him, esp if he's just trying to let you know he trusts you with this sort of thing"

And ok at this point I'm 25 years old. I realize that kids are developing beings. And its up to older people who are (hopefully) mature to be understanding about these things and also have the wherewithal to self assess and not just react defensively or undermine actual children (what's more pathetic, a 14 year old "going up against" a 39 year old, or the 39 year old trying to "own" a child?)

Also also let's be honest with ourselves. Are people actually attacking you or are they analyzing something you enjoy to a point where it gets difficult for you to keep enjoying it? Is it that there's a mob of kids attacking you specifically or are they pointing out misogyny/homophobia/racism in a thing you enjoy doing? I think discouraging analysis is always a bad thing, even if you come to different and more complex answers than what was originally presented.

You talk about kids seeing everything in black and white but if you're a 40 year old proshipper who is adamantly black and white about "fiction doesn't correlate to reality" then unfortunately it is you who needs to take a moment to consider what art is actually for. Art is inherently political and is imbued with the biases of its creators, and these views can be normalized through unquestioned consumption, and some things are outright propaganda. It makes you more media literate to talk about these things. It shields you from accepting damaging hegemonic views.

This isn't an ageism thing by the way. Older people in fandom should be welcomed and older fans are not lesser for engaging in fandom. It's a question of what is appropriate and how we can best support discourse without animosity. The burden of nuance shouldn't fall on those who are still developing a sense of nuance.

#long post #sorry

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