#and i am proud of that level of BAD

[fluffydisneyprincess]

So there's this back and forth between Alhaitham and Cyno. But you know what the problem is between the two of them?

Their hair.

Alhaitham's hair covers his right eye. Cyno's hair covers his left.

So they're not really seeing eye to eye

EDIT: This post has officially hit over 1k notes.

Pls don't let my awful sleep deprived humor be my legacy. I have so much more to offer than this

EDIT2: @alejandrosaab has a Tumblr now and this was going to happen eventually. I accept my fate. This will be my legacy.

#im sorry #this came to me at like 3am #genshin impact #cyno #alhaitham #cyno would make this joke #and then explain it #and i am proud of that level of BAD #i give #1k notes

[hmmbo]

i spent an unholy amount of time drawing this holy being

#ultrakill #ultrakill fanart #gabriel ultrakill #i used colored pencil and ink for this bad boy #ngl im pretty proud of the details on the armor #also im so sorry for the less detailed more unholy art i am going to post of him #its coming theres no way to stop it at this point #hahahhahaha yeah i was right theres a lot of him on my account in various levels of dress and more to come babey!! #hmmbodraws

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

#red said #i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life #my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me #like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy. #anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is. #but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was #like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it #i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen. #I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles #and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences #and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma #obviously microtraumas build up but still. #then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma #is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING #told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip #and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain #until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position #and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific #and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with #like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex #out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage? #and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh #so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea #that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting. #like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.

[uncanny-tranny]

Maybe it's just me, but part of why I never really felt completely secure in being public about my own artistic endeavors was how... being proud of yourself in any capacity for any reason is almost a faux pas, if that makes sense.

I've noticed how it's almost expected to perform the air of humility, but is that humility? Is it humility to say, "Oh, I'm sorry for clogging your feed with my awful art" or anything to the effect of self-deprecation?

I think that's why I so often gravitate toward those who make "bad art." There's a sense of freedom that is only achieved with the level of hubris that being unashamed in the number of people who hate your art. I wonder, though, how many people don't hate the art as much as they hate that they can't chastise the artist into humility, into recognizing how "terrible" an artist they "actually" are?

#art #i have clinical enough anxiety to not need people to expect self-deprecation from me when i do anything... #i always find it fascinating and almost freeing to see an artist make their own shit and be PROUD of that work #i unironically need to watch the room because that's the type of energy that i need so desperately #i do genuinely wonder if the largest critics of some of the 'worst' pieces of art do just tend to hate that the artist is openly prideful... #...that it isn't necessarily the art itself that completely enrages them but that they don't have the weapon of shame and humiliation... #...to put the artist 'back in their place' (the bottom)? #maybe i've been overanalyzing people's intention but i do wonder #i'm not saying you aren't allowed to dislike art (i dislike SO much art)... #...what i am saying is not all hatred of art is created equal and not all of it is something that is really as bad as it's portrayed #i need to emphasize that you are allowed to dislike art for whatever reason. there's some art i don't like for pretty petty reasons... #...but i don't think that requires me demanding artists to be ashamed and self-deprecate whenever they dare show their pieces #i think so many people are conditioned into self-hatred that anybody who shows any level of self-respect is off-putting though #like that's something i've really noticed a lot #and i think this is an aspect of the trend towards seeing self-hatred as neutral and even good

[adanseydivorce]

remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame

#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for #the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW #you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts? #you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four #book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that? #a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling #(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun) #anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m #least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an #outlier re: fandom priorities.. #on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency #so I can not care quite as much…. #from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels #Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for #community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like #but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie) #s speaks #very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books #and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d #kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse #but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this #Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…

[theultracharmingladynoire]

I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it

#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't? #I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough #But I just. Can't. #Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad #I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m #And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating #I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe #I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad #But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try #Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself #I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH #It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning #On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me. #But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I #It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it #I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and #give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that #I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break #I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now. #N rambles

[feral-and-or-horny]

I am in a very smart mood today. I am so clever and so intelligent and everyone should admire me for it actually 😊

#had a good conversation with my dad the other day about confidence #and i am deciding i dont have to feel bad about being proud of how fuckin smart i really am #especially when it comes to literature #because ive worked hard tonreach the level of understanding i have now and I deserve to be proud of that #so im gonna be little bit of an arrogant ass #because i deserve it 😎 #my post

[thelostboys87]

at this point im just speeding through chapter one of lover boy like im trying to get through the perfume department

#ON A LINE LEVEL NOT BAD!!! NOT BAD ON A PLOT BEAT LEVEL EITHER!!!! #I definitely know I want to completely rework the opening but want to wait until I’ve written more #but also it’s just like im not used to this balance yet #of the grief but also the earnest silliness etc etc….it’s my own experience of grief but it takes getting used to #definitely hard to strike the balance from a writing pov #i have not been this consistent in a novel draft in a while but the last time I was the story was like. thematically + emotionally simpler #I think it definitely is a case of writing the first chapter closer to last but I’m gonna get thru the plot beats you know #also we’re deep in the tags so I’ll get mildly over sharing I need to be DONEEE with the bobby death flashback #I won’t detail what it looks like but it’s a scene that def takes from my experience of seeing someone dead and is very cathartic #VERY proud of what I’ve already written #but absolutely not a scene I can dwell on I need to be past it #chapter 2 in contrast has some super sweet Bobby flashbacks and I want to be there. I need healing #I don’t want to think about his dead body anymore :( #like it’s not triggering. but I need to be in the right frame of mind to write it #and the longer it takes me to get there the less I am in the right frame of mind bc I’m like anticipating it

[caracello]

one of the reasons i don't particularly want to use dg's semi-canon real name is it also kind of ties nicely into his story w fragment. both of them have a name and a 'normal' life they left in the past because of the hellwave. we don't know and we never will know if flynn and. whoever fragment was would have gotten along but because they met when they did and as who they are it worked.

#one of the things i find personally important when writing fragments story is to highlight that #his delusion isnt... particularly a bad thing. i don't view my psychosis as a bad thing and while #the delusions i get can be upsetting and/or incredibly embarrassing i've found myself to be #somewhat proud of my psychosis? less in a... i'm happy to have it way but in an... this is a part of me way. #and i enjoy who i am. so there's no reason to truly hate this part of me. #a bit of a sidebar there but in short i want this character to be actively delusional and not #at any point try to 'fix' him or show even pity towards the state he's in. it is who he is. #and part of that for me is having him remain like that. for the events of canon at least. #hmmm... hopefully that makes a level of sense. i promise it relates to the actual post somehow. #gush:{🐇}

[loveofastarvingdog]

just spent so much time working on art and it is recognisably me. it has good and accurate proportions and shading. the eyes are pretty and shaped right. and somehow i still feel like a fake artist

#timothy's txts. #i have sincerely done art my entire life #i have done GOOD art #THIS is good art #and i still feel fake #what level of imposter syndrome is this because i’ve never felt it this intensely before in regards to my art #i am PROUD of this art and somehow it’s making me feel sick and ill about it because i feel like it’s not #‘’good enough’’ because i’m not a professional or more skilled or because i’m flying by the seat of my pants #just. need to remind myself i’m not less of an artist for taking a long time to make art or for not even sketching or doodling for months at #a time #maybe i’m just having all the bad stuff tonight to get it out of my system #because i keep feeling [redacted] too and i haven’t felt that in fucking. ages #and of course the other [redacted]s #oof for real #tw swearing

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#as a rule it generally has always frustrated me that it very often feels like people are WILLFULLY misunderstanding&misrepresenting me #&occassionally it leads to fun past-times such as actively matching the level of intelligence generally expected from me-- none. #or matching whatever bland&one dimensional personality type i have been very obviously&typically tactlessly assumed to have. #but especially in regards to how nice i am as a default ive always had issues with negative backlash from it lmao. #like its a toss-up as to whether or not the assumption is that i'm too stupid w/ too little life experience #to understand that ppl are inherently evil&thus should be treated poorly&w/ as much suspicion as possible as a default-- lol #-- or that i'm being manipulative+fake &the kindness is surely just a front for nefarious intentions. #&like for the vast majority of my life ive primarily dealt w/ the former which is vaguely annoying but also a lot of fun to play around w/ #until i've become too bored w/ the one-sided game to keep on playing it w/ ppl who have the overall depth of a shower floor #&the tact of a rabid wild boar only made worse by the continued assumption that im too stupid to understand that im being insulted. #but over the past few years the tides have shifted to the latter&like. #it took years of adjustment but i've finally perfected the art of actively disappearing in situations where its made clear #that my words&behaviors are being dissected for hidden meanings or malicious intent lmao. #truly the '... nah' philosophy has saved what little is left of my fucking sanity lmao. #it's officially the holiday season&i am already prepared to '... nah' my way straight the fuck into extremely comfortable isolation lol. #bc while i am more or less proud of having leashed my more vicious impulses it's still my first&strongest instinct #to take how bad someone thinks i am&to see how much lower i can go lmao. #when the assumption is that the worse that could happen is shattered kneecaps you take both the feet instead. #this is simply how i was raised lmao. #but in the interest of removing myself from that rather unhealthy cycle i am doing my best to just not engage when it happens. #... but fuck me if it doesnt feel like i'm being purposefully baited most times lmao.

[strwbrymlkshake]

I wanna post about my recovery + ramble in tags at the same time but I'm not motivated enough to come up with a mediocre yandere post rn , so just know that my life is going?? Somewhat good in terms of romance

#mine #💿 #i can only ramble in tags. posts feel too official im shy</3 i feel like tags are less likely to show up on search engines as well... #just forever paranoid about the blog being discovered you know how it goes. personal stuff (proceeds to post it online) #in the general scheme of things im doing alright. tho im currently obsessed with a game instead of a man so idk if that counts #feels like im just waiting for an important event to happen. like ill have a great life changing thing but rn im just in limbo. waiting! #i dont mind it because i take joy in the small things in my day to day life but i feel like i should be doing bigger things. doing more #hell. BEING more. theres lots of cookie cutter paths i could take but none of them fit the mould im making yk. its boring. #on one hand im proud of myself for being able to stay focused on my interests instead of wasting time on a guy who doesnt care abt me #like i still am doing that a Little Bit but its not as detrimental to my daily life as it used to be. like its fine now #on the topic of.. him. we dont really talk much but i feel theres sort of a weird air between us now and he could tell i was in the yanzone #im not too broken up about it because i repeatedly told myself this would happen n i knew it would but everythings okay as it is rn #i still do admire him but not as intensely. the moment he stops hinting at even the possibility he could be interested my attention drops #i want to be everything but at the same time i want to be nothing. i want to be god and the earth and the sun and death and disease. #im working up to being perfect but at the same time i know no such thing exists so meanwhile im just. working up. to SOMETHING #i want everyday of my life to be an adventure. at the same time im much too tired for that. guess thats why i stick with emotional trifles #im not in love with him or anything. its the same as everyone else. like various dials in a lab that i have to keep below 50 #or else bad things will happen. like a scientist with anxiety. its like i be insane for a little while and the dial goes down #but any others could easily skyrocket because i find little things i adore about one person and latch onto them!!! like art #i feel im the most socially acptble level of yandere out of them all rn. in insanity specifically tho. in othr aspects im still weird #the power of autism is condemning me from learning proper social skills but by god i am TRYING my hardest n learning new things #i sit around waiting but atleast im building skills while doing it. part of what life is about i guess! #you come for the yandere content and then i just post philosophical rants. a tragedy most awful to those who can relate #but im okay with it as long as these strange lengthy rambles help me recover better!! no problem at all. one day i will be better #tl;dr i havent found love yet but im not miserable either. trying to improve myself through numerous mental quarrels n experience

[jorvikzelda]

im not even GOOD at the fucking game like probably i suck Ass at it actually. i havent watched anyone play it so i cant say for sure but jesus fucking christ i am dying a lot and my coordination is like. not even NEARLY good enough for these fucking climbing & air navigation combo moves. im talking like, “i just retried probably 20 times to get across some fucking long spiky hole in greenpath and then had to just decide it was time to give up and go to bed bc i couldnt get it to work” bad. but somehow i also think that fucking. intensifies the hyperfixation, purely because I am also stubborn as a Bitch and if theres so much as a glimmer of hope for getting the thing to work I am GOING to do it if it so takes me several Hours. difficulty fuels determination through stubbornness and then that determination fuels the hyperfixation. but anyway yea i suck at the game and it scares me to death. unashamedly

#z talks #though i did also beat the broken vessel And the enraged. whatever that REALLY fucked up angry crystal guy was called. today #and yesterday beat the mantis lords and the soul keeper #so maybe i dont suck THAT bad #also uh. part of the Unashamed: #the REASON it scares me to death is i have. anxiety #a lot of it 👍 #(medicated Technically but i dont think its quite kicking in yet and also im still on a lower dosage) #(lower than ill End at at least. the dosage theyre putting me on may be higher than standard im not sure) #(i wouldnt be surprised. i have a Lot of anxiety) #and im not gonna sit here and bash myself for my MENTAL ILLNESS thats gone untreated for literal Years so #(and also comparatively i am doing VERY very well with hk) #(historically video games are one of my Hugest sources of anxiety and the fact im even like. CONSIDERING playing something of this #difficulty level and also that is OBJECTIVELY CREEPY) #(feels like. something to be proud of almost)

[heliopixels]

Sometimes I remember that I have a guitar laying unused in the corner of my room

#my uncle who plays the guitar gave it to me for my ? 11th ? birthday because he saw i was interested #and i am. i still am #its just that. ??? #brain bad at doing things #i think its that you cant get easy results quickly like you can with art #like. i could pick up a pencil and draw a stick figure and think i was hot shit when i was younger and inexperienced at art #that counts as a result. #but with a musical instrument oh you gotta learn all these notes first and then copy a bunch of songs and it takes YEARS to even get to a #level that youre proud of #im going to rry picking it back up tomorrow. #or like after i finish drawing a birthday present im working on #it just feels sad. i want to give it a purpose #now only if my brain could cooperate #if the strings snap while tuning well ill have to wait till summer break to fix that maybe

[aballadforbarbatos]

diavolo makes a pact with you

well, you never know

once upon a time, he brought it up to lucifer and barbatos

they shot him down immediately

receiving a lecture is bad enough but imagine receiving one from BOTH lucifer and barbatos

rip

he takes it like a champ tho. he’s way better than me cause i hate getting told off

years pass

the devil’s pudding event happens. diavolo almost learns his lesson that day.

like he says he has but there’s a lot of times where that memory crosses his mind and he sits there like huh. wish that could happen again

YOU learnt the lesson though, so it’ll NEVER happen again

if he brings it up on his birthday there’s a good chance you will look at him with disdain

he’s catching up on paperwork when something crosses his mind

maybe you’d be more into it if you had a pact with him?

the lecture he got from his two closest friends though was pretty awful though

but…

what if it was in secret?

what if, and he’s just throwing out ideas here, he gave lucifer a ton of work and made barbatos go on holiday and summoned you to his castle?

hypothetically.

you know, a will-never-happen scenario.

barbatos appears at his door soon after that.

“hey, barbatos. what did you need?”

“oh… nothing. i just got a bad feeling, that’s all.”

oops

another year goes by and the idea pops into his head again, about the same time as he sees you cuddling up with mammon

Right.

diavolo’s situation and this isn’t even remotely the same, because you don’t need a pact to cuddle and mammon is your first so he’s on a separate level altogether, but he chooses to ignore these details

it’s barbatos’ birthday. he gets sent off. hearing complaints, diavolo threatens him with two weeks

lucifer weirdly gets hit with a ton of work randomly. damn that’s crazy huh. do your best!!!

and you are summoned to the castle. you also get a bad feeling.

he tries to convince you that having a pact with him is a good idea

(some people are normal about this; i am not and wouldn’t need convincing personally)

you refuse.

if you bring this up to lucifer if he asks about your visit he is so screwed

ah, but maybe he could make you his unwilling partner in crime…?

pulls a lucifer and forces it on you. suddenly you have a big fancy mark around your neck.

he’s pretty proud of it. you cover your face with your hands and go oh my god.

it feels like it could be exasperation but he would really prefer for it to not be that

lucifer asks what diavolo wanted you for and you weakly say it was for new clothes. new clothes that conveniently hide your collarbone

all of this is unraveled when someone (mammon) walks in on you getting dressed and screams bloody murder about the weird MARK on your neck

pacts are permanent and so is diavolo getting lectured

#it’s been a while #that’s cause i spend money on obey me #but i have no spendable money rn #anyway here’s content sorry for the dry spell #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me mc #obey me diavolo x reader #diavolo x reader #obey me diavolo #obey me headcanons #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me pacts

[radioromantic-moved]

i should make a masterpost of all my fics and just have docs links to the ones i haven't posted on here. the one con of this would be people would be able to see just How Much‏‏‎ ‎folie a deux‏‏‎ ‎shit i've written which would be straight up Horrendously embarrassing but LISTEN TO ME‏‏‎ ‎STELLAR‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎FIRMA‏‏‎ ‎IS A SPECIAL INTEREST OKAY...IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT HIM IT'S ABOUT WORLDBUILDING AND EXPANDING ON A SELF INSERT SO THEY FEEL FLESHED OUT. OKAY. OKAY. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HIM.

#i want to show off my writing more because i am genuinely proud of most of it #but a lot of it is too long to post on here #also it'd only be completed stuff and i haven't written fics in a while so a lot of them would be kind of old #i don't think Any of my current main focus f/os have anything written about them. #i am writing something about antigone but writer's block is so bad they haven't even met bernie yet. #mostly it would be um helen. frank. della. Him Unfortunately. #idk like this post if you'd be into that and you've read this far? or don't i'm not your boss #the thing is i am genuinely proud of a lot of my cytrex writing on a Quality level it would just be even better if it was another ship. #whatever...things 2 think about. #nyx on comms