#and how i had to school my expression and body language as if a new world hadn't been opened beneath my unsteady feet

[cloudywriting05]

one of your girls. — coriolanus snow.

we dont gotta be in love, no. i don’t gotta be the one, no. i just wanna be one of your girls tonight.

part two published, read here.

cw: dom!coryo, p in v, Bondage, vulgar language, pain during sex, daddy kink, slight sadism(?), 18+, slight non-con, etc

words: 3048 [good, GOD], MAY be grammar errors.

tags: @euphemiaamillais my lovely lady.

“Hey, Snow.” 

The blonde boy snapped his head at you, a stern look plastered to his face. You watched his eyes travel up and down your figure, his expression softened as a small smile crept on his face. He turned his body to face you and sighed.

You and Coriolanus’s relationship was unique, to say the least. You’ve known each other your entire life but dedicated your every day to one-upping each other. Your decade-long academic rivalry with him was something you found deeply annoying, and you knew if he wasn’t as attractive as he was, you would’ve killed him by now. Coriolanus found the rivalry thrilling. Watching you stress and work out to get the best grade was entertaining for him. On the days he was lucky, you would be in the library at the same time as him, searching for textbooks to grab before the other could. The number of times he caught himself peering down at your small figure, bent over, frantically digging through piles of chemistry books was criminal. 

The new school year had just begun, and you were instantly bombarded with strange rumours. Rumours about Coriolanus, more specifically, his dick. He’d allegedly slept with half of the grade’s female population, including your own friends. You rebuffed them initially, that was until you overheard the said ‘girls’ discussing it, confirming it all. You were annoyed, absolutely livid at the thought of Coriolanus sleeping with them. Why did he leave you out? Was this something else he was showing you that you could never get? Whatever he was doing was working. Fucking your entire friend group but purposely dodging you was a smart move on his behalf. But you were never a loser, never second place.

So here it brought you. Standing in front of your arch nemesis with your arms crossed. 

“Could I help you, gorgeous?” he purred, raising an eyebrow. 

“You’re a slut, Snow. Fucking all my friends is pretty corny, don’t you think?” you remarked, running a finger down the locker beside him. 

He looked at you, guilt written across his face. “I’m not a slut, little girl. And who told you that?” 

“Everyone. Everyone is talking about you and your dick, Coriolanus.”

“I got busy over the holidays. Who knew Academy girls could be so desperate for my dick?” he sneered, smiling to himself. 

“So why did you do it?” 

“Do what?” he asked, puzzled.

“Fuck everyone but me? Were you trying to tick me off? If so, it worked, Snow.”

He let out a laugh, completely bewildered. “Are you high? What are you trying to get at?”

“Did I stutter? You fucked every girl in my friend group but me, even though I should’ve been the first. Now, because you decided to fucking skip me, I have to hear about how freaky you are, or how big your dick is all day!” you blurted, your frustration getting by the absolute best of you as his nonchalant demeanor sent you over the edge. 

“So, let me get this straight; you’re angry at me because I didn’t fuck you?” he questioned, eyes wide, trying to comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

You stuttered for a second. “Yes, yes I am.”

“We played sandbox together and here you are now, in this empty hallway, begging me to fuck you,” he said as he fixed his uniform.

“Oh, so you don’t wanna fuck me?” you purred, your arms crossed, looking up at him. 

“Just to piss you off, no I don’t. Doesn’t matter how hot I think you are, or how long I’ve wanted to for this to happen. I like seeing you mad.” he smiled, knowing he had ticked you off. “I’ll see you in bio, little girl.”

He spoke as he walked away. Your eyes twitched in anger; Snow could not win. Not today. 

“Fine, I’ll just ask Plinth!” your words stopped him right in his tracks.

He turned and stalked towards you, stopping only a few inches in front of you. He glared down into your eyes. “If you fuck Sejanus, I’ll kill you both and make it look like an accident.” 

You scoffed. “Would you, actually? I don’t know. All I know is that I want you at my house by eleven thirty. If you’re as good as one of the girls was vouching you were, then prove it. Or I’ll get one of your friends to, just to make it even.”

“You win, I’ll see you there, doll.”

It was eleven-twenty on the dot and there was still no sign of Coriolanus. You’d pondered about the interaction from today for hours, worried you came off too demanding. You thought to yourself for a while that he was going you stand you up and purposely not come, that would’ve sent you over the edge. You sat on your bed, every negative thought running through your head. Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of frantic knocking. 

You rushed downstairs and stood in front of the door. “Who is it?”

“Is that a joke?” Coriolanus spoke from the other side of the door. “Let me in, sweetheart. I’m freezing.” 

You flung the door open, Coriolanus stood there, a smile plastered to his face. He sported a worn-out shirt that was fitted, hugging his chest. He paired it with pajama pants with a red pattern and slides that looked like they should’ve never left his house. He walked right past you into your home. “You look like you’re about to go to sleep, couldn’t dress sexier?” 

“I mean it’s gonna come right off, isn’t it?”

“Whatever, my room is upstairs and the first to your right.” 

“Perfect.” 

You watched the boy jog up the stairs and disappear behind the wall, following him shortly after. 

You entered the room to him sitting on the bed, using his arms to sit up behind him. You closed the door behind you without breaking eye contact. You could physically feel the tension in the room, his entire demeanor shifting from minutes ago. You felt almost chilled. 

He lifted himself from the edge of your bed and walked towards you, stopping himself only when his face was inches from yours. “Did one of the girls ever tell you what I did to them?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t think.”

“I’ll have to show you, won't I?” he purred, his hand traveling up from your side to your chin.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

His hand landed on your cheek, taking you by surprise. You gasped as his hand returned to your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes. “Stupid girl. You wanted me to treat you like your friends, right? They didn’t talk, so why should you?”

You should’ve walked away; you should’ve told him to get out. The boy who defined your entire academy life just slapped you in the face and degraded you, yet your entire body yearned for his touch. You stared into his eyes, they were glistening, wild with power and lust. His blonde hair dimly lit by the streetlight peering through your window into your dark, cold room. You needed to get even; you needed him to fuck you to get even. You needed him inside of you and in that moment, you didn’t care if it was the last thing you did that night. 

“Tell me what you want me to do to you, now,” he demanded, his grip on your chin tightening as he forced you to look up at him, helpless.

You shook under his touch, completely powerless. “I- I want you to fuck me, Coryo.”

He lowered his head, resting his lips against your ear, sending a cold shiver down your spine and straight to your heat. “Say it louder, so everyone in the Capitol knows how much of a dumb, little slut you are for me. Say it.”

“I want you to fuck me because I’m a slut... for you.” you proclaimed, your voice projected as he breathed against your cheek, his grip on your chin still tight.

“Pathetic, but good enough,” he replied, he released your chin and moved himself away from you slightly. “Get on the bed and strip for me, now.”

You nodded dumbly, crawling onto the bed. You lifted your shirt over your head and tossed it on the ground beside you, removing your pants and underwear right after. You sat there idly, completely bare, whilst a clothed Coriolanus stood in front of you, fucking you with his gaze. His eyes traveled up and down your frame, admiring you.

He raised a hand and began to caress your cheek; you instinctively nuzzled your face into his palm causing him to softly laugh. “The smartest and prettiest girl in the academy, sitting naked waiting for me to fuck her like a good girl.”

He looked down on you, you were naked and nuzzling your face into his palm, inaudibly begging him to fuck you. You were desperate and it turned him on so much. The most stubborn girl he fawned over for years now naked and begging him to fuck her. He could feel his dick trying to break free from his pants just from the sight of you.

He walked away and disappeared into your open closet, leaving you clueless. He walked out with a ribbon in his hand.

“That’s my grandma's, Coryo. That’s the ribbon she gifted me. What do you need it for?” you questioned, puzzled.

“Put your back against your bed frame and stop asking me stupid questions. Sluts with dirty mouths like you, my dear, don’t get to talk.” 

You followed his command and shuffled up until your bare back was against the headboard, waiting patiently for his next command. You were the smartest girl at your academy yet there you were, brainlessly waiting for Snow to tell you what to do. 

He climbed onto the bed and motioned for your hand. “Give me your hands, doll.” 

You timidly raised your hand towards him. He grabbed your wrist and began to firmly tie the piece of ribbon around them, causing you to wince slightly. The thin material pressed against your skin as you looked at him, hopeless. There he had you. Your wrists tied, naked. Your knees spread exposing you. 

He took his time once again, admiring your small, fragile frame. “You look so gorgeous, let daddy see what’s between your legs better, okay?”

You nodded and spread your knees apart more, fully exposing your heat to the boy. He hovered over you, staring down at your pussy, glistening with juices. He used his hands to turn you over on your knees, your hands still restrained, using your elbows for support. 

“How many times did you speak to that bitch this week?” he inquired from behind you.

“Who? Sejanus? … Maybe three or four times, I’m not too sure–”

“Too many times. Way too many fucking times.”

You felt a hard hand land against your cheek, your back curled in pain as you threw your head between your hands. It was followed by another, causing you to cry out in pain. He slapped your ass again, and then once more. Painful groans escaped your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain.

“Four slaps for four conversations. Turn over and spread your legs a bit more for me, okay?” 

You dumbly followed, still wincing in pain. You turned yourself onto your back and spread your legs as far as you could, quivering and vulnerable. Coriolanus watched, entranced by your naked body. You looked at the boy, gawking at you. His hand grabbed your tied wrists and lifted them above your head. The boy then moved his head between your knees, planting a kiss on your knee, then on your inner thigh. He peered up at you, your pussy throbbing and yearning for his touch.

“Please, I can’t take it. Touch me,” you begged, your voice timid, scared of the boy between your thighs.

“Say please.”

“Please, please?”

“Good girl.” he purred, lowering his head further, you felt his nose graze your pubic bone.

His lips planted a kiss, then moved down to your folds. A moan instantly escaped your lips, your body churning at the feeling of his lips on your moist folds. Your back arched. You felt his lips move against your core, lapping at your folds. He used his tongue to press against your clit, making you cry out and heave. His arm traveled up to your breast, massaging it as his tongue lapped at your pussy. His nose pressing against you. You squirmed as he used his mouth to suck your clit, sending your eyes to the back of your head. The sensations overstimulate you, leaving you hopeless. You didn’t dare bring your arms down, knowing he wouldn’t react well.

He lifted his head from your heat for a second and peered up at you. “You taste so good, let me show you.”

He raised himself and lowered his lips onto yours. Forcing your mouth open with his, his tongue invading your mouth, forcing you to taste yourself. You moaned in his mouth, completely dumbfounded by the boy.

“Now, open your mouth,” he said, gripping onto your chin. 

You dumbly followed, letting him spit into your mouth. You swallowed without hesitation. 

“Good, you did one thing right,” he remarked, unbuttoning his pants, holding eye contact with you from above. 

He swiftly removed his pants, followed by his shirt. His body was leaner than you’d expected, his muscular frame surprising you. He hauled himself off the bed and lowered his brief, freeing his throbbing penis. You let out a small gasp. He motioned for you to come towards him, you crawled, wrists still tied, and sat on the edge of the bed in front of him. His penis right across from your face. He stared down at you.

“Look what you did to me, fix it up. Now,” he demanded.

You nodded your head as you leaned to lick his penis. You use your lips to latch onto his tip, sucking on it as you let your tongue massage it. He groaned from above you, eyes closed. Your head moving slowly to and from, his dick still in your mouth. Your tongue glided back and forth as you pleasured the boy. He threw his head back as you did everything you could to his dick with your mouth alone, you spat on it frantically as you took his cock deeper into your throat. Gagging on his dick and pushing yourself past your limit.

“Go fucking deeper, you dumb fucking slut. Treat it like you would treat some other guys. Whore.” he demanded, his hand latching onto a chunk of your hair. 

He pushed himself further down your throat, tears rolling down your eyes in return. He pumped your throat like it was your pussy, you gagged on his cock uncontrollably. Your wrists were tied in front of you, helpless as he fucked your throat. He pulled your head back with the chunk of hair. You gasped for a breath of air frantically, tears rolling down your eyes. His open palm landed against your cheek again, causing you to gasp in pain.

“When I tell you to go deeper, I mean it, slut. Aren’t you meant to be smart?” he scoffed, looking down at your frail frame. “You spent years trying to get under my fucking skin, now I’m on yours, and you don’t know how to act? Say thank you.”

“Thank you, Daddy, thank you.” you whimpered, sniffling as he shot you a smile.

“There you go, pretty girl. Turn over for me now.” 

You nodded dumbly, turning around on the edge of the bed. You used your elbows for support as you perked your backside up. The boy stared at you hungrily. You felt a slap land on your cheek again, causing you to flinch in pain. 

“You wanna feel me?” 

He watched your head bop and down in response. Within no time he prepped himself at your entrance, slowly pushing into you. You groaned into the mattress, feeling his large cock stretch your pussy. 

“Little Miss Capitol is tight, isn’t she?” he sneered.

He slowly pushed himself in, then out. You groaned as his pace picked up excruciatingly slow, every thrust filling you up. His dick stretched your walls, every bit of your pussy was filled with his cock. He gripped your hip and leaned forward, using his free hand to push your wrists further from you.

His pace quickened. His cock slung in and out of you, moaning as he slapped your ass. You didn’t flinch, distracted by the feeling of his cock. Your moans grew louder as he quickened his pace, hitting a spot within you that hadn’t known of until now. Your body quivered as you felt the boy fuck you with all his strength.

You felt his arm wrap around your throat, pulling you up and restraining your breathing. You gasped, his pace not slowing. You felt his chest against your back as he thrusts into you mercilessly. His free hand slithers to your clit, rubbing it in a circular motion. You felt your muscles wear as he continued to push into you, overstimulated beyond comprehension.

Your stomach tightened as you came, and you shrieked. Your entire body loses its balance, flailing forward on your chest. Coriolanus didn’t stop. He continued to thrust into you, your body limp in front of him. You moaned into the mattress as he fucked you whilst his hand circulated your clit. 

“I came, Coriolanus, I came!”

“I know, shut up.”

He ignored your words. Your body tightened again, this time your juices threatened to squirt out. You fought every bone in your body to not let it out. His finger still rubbing your clit as he pushed into you. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum again. I can’t, it hurts!”

“Yes, you can, you can.” He breathed from behind you.

You cried out, shamefully squirting on your bedsheets. The boy pulled his cock out and frantically massaged it until his semen shot on your back. He heaved from behind you.

“Now, you are just like the rest of the girls. I’ll see you on Monday, doll.”

—

pt2 published…. read here.

#coriolanus snow #young coriolanus snow #coriolanus x reader #ballads of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #smut #coriolanus smut #coriolanus snow smut #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth #tbosas #snow #coriolanus x you #peeta x reader #coriolanus x oc #coriolanus fanfiction #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #Lucy gray #coriolanus x sejanus

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Beth Bourne

Published: Feb 27, 2024

Kaiser gender specialists were eager to approve hormones and surgeries, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.”

On September 6, 2022, I received mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminding me of a routine cervical screening. The language of the reminder stood out to me: “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” When I asked my Ob-Gyn about this strange wording, she told me the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of their “transgender” and “gender fluid” patients.

Based on this response, several thoughts occurred to me. Could I expose the medical scandal of “gender-affirming care” by saying and doing everything my daughter and other trans-identifying kids are taught to do? Would there be the type of medical safeguarding and differential diagnosis we would expect in other fields of medicine, or would I simply be allowed to self-diagnose and be offered the tools (i.e. hormones and surgeries) to choose my own gender adventure and become my true authentic self?

If I could demonstrate that anyone suffering from delusions of their sex, self-hatred, or identity issues could qualify for and easily obtain body-altering hormones and surgeries, all covered by insurance as “medically necessary” and potentially “life-saving” care, then maybe people would finally wake up. I certainly had.

I was prepared for failure. I wasn’t prepared for how easy success would be.

* * *

I am a 53-year-old mom from Davis, CA. My daughter began identifying as a transgender boy (social transition) and using he/him pronouns at school during 8th grade. Like several of her peers who also identified as trans at her school, my daughter was a gifted student and intellectually mature but socially immature. This shift coincided with her school’s sudden commitment to, and celebration of, a now widespread set of radical beliefs about the biology of sex and gender identity.

She “came out” as trans to her father (my ex-husband) and me through a standard coming-out letter, expressing her wish to start puberty blockers. She said she knew they were safe, citing information she had read from Planned Parenthood and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also confused because this announcement was sudden and unexpected. While others quickly accepted and affirmed my daughter’s new identity, I was apprehensive and felt the need to learn more about what was going on.

Events began escalating quickly.

During a routine doctor’s visit scheduled for dizziness my daughter said that she was experiencing, the Kaiser pediatrician overheard her father using “he/him” pronouns for our daughter. The pediatrician seemed thrilled, quickly asking my daughter about her “preferred pronouns” and updating her medical records to denote that my daughter was now, in fact, my son. The pediatrician then recommended we consult the Kaiser Permanente Oakland Proud pediatric gender clinic, where she could get further information and (gender affirming) “treatment.” Now I was the one feeling dizzy.

As I began educating myself on this issue, I discovered that this phenomenon—minors, most often teen girls, suddenly adopting trans identities—was becoming increasingly widespread. It even had a name: rapid onset gender dysphoria, or ROGD. Thankfully, after learning about the potential side-effects of blockers and hormones, my ex-husband and I managed to agree not to consent to any medical interventions for our daughter until she turned 18 and would then be able to make such decisions as an adult.

Over the past five years, my daughter’s identity has slowly evolved in ways that I see as positive. Our bond, however, has become strained, particularly since I began publicly voicing my concerns about what many term as “gender ideology.” Following my daughter’s 17th birthday family celebration, she sent me an email that evening stating she would be cutting off contact with me.

While this estrangement brought me sorrow, with my daughter living full-time with her father, it also gave me the space to be an advocate/activist in pushing back on gender identity ideology in the schools and the medical industry.

I decided to go undercover as a nonbinary patient to show my daughter what danger she might be putting herself in—by people who purport to have her health as their interest, but whose main interest is in medically “affirming” (i.e., transitioning) whoever walks through their door. I am at heart a mother protecting her child.

* * *

My daughter’s sudden decision to become a boy was heavily on my mind in early September of 2022, when mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminded me of a routine cervical screening with “Recommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.” I was told that the wording was chosen to be “inclusive” of transgender and “gender fluid” patients.

Throughout the whole 231-day process of my feigned gender transition, the Kaiser gender specialists were eager to serve me and give me what I wanted, which would all be covered by insurance as “medically necessary.” My emails were returned quickly, my appointments scheduled efficiently, and I never fell through the cracks. I was helped along every step of the way.

Despite gender activists and clinicians constantly claiming that obtaining hormones and surgeries is a long and complex process with plenty of safety checks in place, I was in full control at every checkpoint. I was able to self-diagnose, determine how strong a dose of testosterone I received and which surgeries I wanted to pursue, no matter how extreme and no matter how many glaring red flags I purposefully dropped. The medical workers I met repeatedly reminded me that they were not there to act as “gatekeepers.”

I was able to instantly change my medical records to reflect my new gender identity and pronouns. Despite never being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was able to obtain a prescription for testosterone and approval for a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy from my doctor. It took only three more months (90 days) to be approved for surgery to remove my uterus and have a fake penis constructed from the skin of my thigh or forearm. Therapy was never recommended.

Critics might dismiss my story as insignificant on the grounds that I am a 53-year-old woman with ample life experience who should be free to alter her body. However, this argument for adult bodily autonomy is a standard we apply to purely cosmetic procedures like breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, not “medically necessary” and “lifesaving” treatments covered by health insurance. Or interventions that compromise health and introduce illness into an otherwise healthy body. And especially not for children.

My story, which I outline in much more detail below, should convince any half-rational person that gender medicine is not operating like any other field of medicine. Based on a radical concept of “gender identity,” this medical anomaly preys upon the body-image insecurities common among pubescent minors to bill health insurance companies for permanent cosmetic procedures that often leave their patients with permanently altered bodies, damaged endocrine systems, sexual dysfunction, and infertility.

* * *

Detailed Timeline of Events

On October 6, 2022, I responded to my Ob-Gyn’s email to tell her that, after some thought, I’d decided that maybe the label “cis woman” didn’t truly reflect who I was. After all, I did have some tomboyish tendencies. I told her I would like my records to be changed to reflect my newly realized “nonbinary” identity, and that my new pronouns were they/them. I also voiced my desire to be put in touch with an endocrinologist to discuss starting testosterone treatment.

Fifteen minutes later I received an email from another Kaiser doctor informing me that my medical records had been changed, and that once my primary doctor returned to the office, I’d be able to speak with her about hormone therapy.

I responded the following day (October 7, 2022), thanking her for changing my records, and asking if she could connect me with someone who could help me make an appointment for “top surgery” (i.e., a cosmetic double mastectomy) because my chest binder was rather “uncomfortable after long days and playing tennis.”

She told me to contact my primary care MD to “get things rolling,” and that there were likely to be “preliminary evaluations.”

Six days after contacting my primary care MD for a referral, I received an email from one of Kaiser’s gender specialists asking me to schedule a phone appointment so she could better understand my goals for surgery, so that I could get “connected to care.” This call to review my “gender affirming treatment options and services” would take 15-20 minutes, after which I would be “booked for intake,” allowing me to proceed with medical transition.

This wasn’t an evaluation of whether surgical transition was appropriate, it was simply a meeting for me to tell them what I wanted so that they could provide it.

On October 18, I had my one and only in-person appointment in preparation for top surgery. I met in Davis with my primary care physician, Dr. Hong-wen Xue. The assessment was a 10-minute routine physical exam that included blood tests. Everything came back normal. Notably, there was not a single question about why I wanted top surgery or cross-sex hormones. Nor was there any discussion of the risks involved with these medical treatments.

The following week, on October 24, I had a phone appointment with Rachaell Wood, MFT, a gender specialist with Kaiser Sacramento. The call lasted 15 minutes and consisted of standard questions about potential drug use, domestic violence, guns in the house, and whether I experienced any suicidal thoughts. There were no questions from the gender specialist about my reasons for requesting a mastectomy or cross-sex hormones, or why I suddenly, at 52, decided I was “nonbinary.”

After the call, Kaiser emailed me instructions about how to prepare for my pre-surgery intake video appointment to evaluate my mental health, scheduled to take place on November 15. The email stated that prior to my appointment, I should research hormone risks on the WPATH website, and to “research bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery risks and recovery” on Kaiser’s website.

I decided to request a “gender-affirming” double mastectomy and phalloplasty. Kaiser sent me a sample timeline for gender transition surgery preparation (see below) that you can use as a reference for the process. I also asked for a prescription for cross-sex hormones (testosterone) as needed and recommended by Kaiser.

[ Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part I

This “Mental Health Visit” assessment was conducted over Zoom. The Kaiser gender specialist started with questions addressing my marital status, race, gender identity, and other demographics. She asked whether I was “thinking of any other surgeries, treatments in the future.” The list she read included “gender-affirming” hysterectomies, bottom surgeries such as metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, vocal coaching, support groups, and body contouring. “Anything else you might be interested in doing?” she asked. I said that I’d perhaps be interested in body contouring. I was also assured that all the procedures would be covered by insurance because they were considered “medically necessary.”

I dropped in several red flags regarding my mental health to see the reaction, but all were ignored. For instance, I revealed that I had PTSD. When the therapist asked me about whether I had experienced any “childhood trauma,” I explained that I grew up in Mexico City and had been groped several times and had also witnessed men masturbating in public and had been grabbed by men in subways and buses. “I was a young girl, so [I had] lots of experiences of sexual harassments, sexual assault, just the kind of stuff that happens when you are a girl growing up in a big city.” “So, you know,” I finished, “just the general feeling that you are unsafe, you know, in a female body.”

The therapist did not respond to my disclosure that trauma could be the cause of my dysphoria. Instead of viewing this trauma as potentially driving my desire to escape my female body through hormones and surgery, she asked whether there is anything “important that the surgery team should be aware of” regarding my “history of trauma,” such as whether I’d be comfortable with the surgeon examining and marking my chest prior to surgery.

When asked about whether I had had any “psychotic symptoms,” I told her that while I had had no such symptoms, my mother had a delusional nervous breakdown in her 50s because she had body dysmorphia and became convinced she had a growth on her neck that needed to be removed. I told her that my mother was then admitted to an inpatient hospital for severe depression. I asked her whether she ever sees patients with body dysmorphia and whether I could have potentially inherited that from my mother. She told me that psychosis was hereditary, but that it was “highly unlikely” that there was any connection between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.

I enthusiastically waved more mental health red flags, waiting to see if she would pick up on any of them.

I’m just wondering if my feelings, or perseverating, or feeling like these breasts make me really unhappy and I just don’t want them anymore!...I’m just not sure if that’s a similar feeling to body dysmorphia? How do you decide which one is gender dysphoria and general body dysmorphia, and just not liking something about your body? Feeling uncomfortable with your body? And I did have an eating disorder all through college. I was a distance runner in college so I had bulimia and anorexia, you know. So I don’t know if that’s related to gender dysphoria?

The therapist replied, “I completely appreciate your concerns, but I am going to ask you questions about your chest, about your expectations. And then I’ll be able to give you an assessment.” She also said the main difference between my mom’s situation and mine was that my mom didn’t really have a growth on her neck, whereas it’s “confirmed” that I actually have “chest tissue.” Furthermore, she said that while “historically there has been all this pressure on patients to be like ‘Are you really, really sure you want hormones? Are you 100% sure?’ We are a little more relaxed.” She continued, “As long as you are aware of the risks and the side-effects, you can put your toe in the water. You can stop ‘T’ [testosterone], you can go back and do it again later! You can stop it! You can stop it! You know what I mean?”

Because we ran out of time, I scheduled a follow-up phone meeting on December 27, 2022 with a different gender specialist to complete my mental health assessment for top surgery.

Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part II

During this meeting, Guneet Kaur, LCSW, another Kaiser gender specialist (she/her/they/them pronouns) told me that she regretted the “gatekeeping vibe” of the meeting but assured me that since I have been “doing the work,” her questions are essentially just a form of “emotional support” before talking with the medical providers.

She asked me about what I’d been “looking into as far as hormones.” I told her that I’d be interested in taking small doses of testosterone to counterbalance my female feelings to achieve “a feeling that’s kind of neutral.”

When she asked me about me “not feeling like I match on the outside what I feel on the inside,” I dropped more red flags, mentioning my aversion to wearing dresses and skirts.

I don’t own a single dress or a skirt and haven't in 20 years. I think for me it’s been just dressing the way that’s comfortable for me, which is just wearing, jeans and sweatshirts and I have a lot of flannel shirts and, and I wear boots all the time instead of other kinds of shoes. So I think it’s been nice being able to dress, especially because I work from home now most of the time that just a feeling of clothing being one of the ways that I can feel more non-binary in my everyday life.

She responded, “Like having control over what you wear and yeah. Kind of that feeling of just, yeah, this is who I am today. That’s awesome. Yeah.”

She then asked me to describe my dysphoria, and I told her that I didn’t like the “feeling of the female form and being chesty,” and that because I am going through menopause, I wanted to start taking testosterone to avoid “that feeling of being like this apple-shaped older woman.” “Good. Okay, great,” she responded, reminding me that only “top surgery,” not testosterone, would be able to solve my chest dysphoria. (Perhaps it was because all these meetings were online, they didn’t notice I’m actually fit and relatively slender at 5’-5” and 130 pounds, and not apple-shaped at all.)

She told me that we had to get through a few more questions related to my medical history before “we can move on to the fun stuff, which is testosterone and top surgery.”

The “fun stuff” consisted of a discussion about the physical and mood changes I could expect, and her asking me about the dose of testosterone I wanted to take and the kind of “top surgery” technique I’d prefer to achieve my “chest goals.” She told me that all or most of my consultations for surgeries and hormones would be virtual.

The gender specialist told me after the appointment, she would submit my referral to the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic (MST) team that oversees “gender expansive care.” They would follow up to schedule a “nursing call” with me to review my medical history, after which they’d schedule my appointment with a surgeon for a consultation. Her instructions for this consultation were to “tell them what you’re wanting for surgery and then they share with you their game plan.”

[ Decision-making slide to help me identify my goals for top surgery–flat chest, nipple sensation, or minimal scarring. Source: Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]

She told me that Kaiser has a team of plastic surgeons who “only work with trans and nonbinary patients because there’s just so much need for them.” She asked about my priorities for chest surgery, such as whether I value flatness over nipple sensation. I learned about double incision top surgery with nipple grafts, as well as “keyhole,” “donut,” “buttonhole,” and “Inverted-T” top surgeries.

By the end of the hour-long appointment, I had my surgery referral and was ready for my “nursing call” appointment.

Nursing call with Nurse Coordinator from the Transgender Surgery and Gender Pathways Clinic at Kaiser San Francisco

On January 19, 2023, I had my nursing call with the Nurse Coordinator. He first said that “the purpose of this call is just for us to go through your chart together and make sure everything’s as accurate as possible.” Once that was done, my referral would be sent to the surgeon for a consultation.

He asked me about potential allergies and recreational drug use, and verified that I was up to date on mammograms, pap smears, and colon cancer screenings, as well as vaccines for flu and COVID. I verified my surgical history as well as my current medications and dietary supplements.

He told me about a “top surgery class” available for patients where one of the Kaiser surgeons “presents and talks about surgical techniques and options within top surgery,” and includes a panel of patients who have had top surgery. I signed up for the February 8th class.

Within 10 minutes he told me that he had “sent a referral to the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Sacramento,” and that I should be hearing from them in the next week or two to schedule a consultation.

Appointment for Testosterone

On January 27, I had a 13-minute online appointment with a primary care doctor at Kaiser Davis to discuss testosterone. The doctor verified my name and preferred pronouns, and then directly asked: “So, what would you like to do? What kind of physical things are you looking for?”

I told her I wanted facial hair, a more muscular and less “curvy” physique, and to feel stronger and androgynous. She asked me when I wanted to start, and I told her in the next few months. She asked me if I was menopausal, whether I had ovaries and a uterus, although that information should have been on my chart.

The doctor said she wanted me to come in to get some labs so she could check my current estrogen, testosterone, and hemoglobin levels before starting hormones. Then “we'll set the ball in motion and you'll be going. We’ll see you full steam ahead in the direction you wanna go.”

That was it. I made an appointment and had my lab tests done on February 12. My labs came back on February 14, and the following day, after paying a $5 copay at the Kaiser pharmacy, I picked up my testosterone pump. That was easy!

Top Surgery Consultation

On the same day I received my labs, I had a Zoom surgery consultation with Karly Autumn-Kaplan, MD, Kaiser Sacramento plastic surgeon. This consultation was all about discussing my “goals” for surgery, not about whether surgery was needed or appropriate.

I told the surgeon that I wanted a “flatter, more androgynous appearance.” She asked me some questions to get a better idea of what that meant for me. She said that some patients want a “male chest,” but that others “want to look like nothing, like just straight up and down, sometimes not even nipples.” Others still wanted their chest to appear slightly feminine and only “slightly rounded.” I told her that I’d like my chest to have a “male appearance.”

“What are your thoughts about keeping your nipples?” she asked. “Are you interested in having nipples or would you like them removed?” I told her that I’d like to keep my nipples, but to make them “smaller in size.” She asked me if I’d like them moved to “the edge of the peck muscle” to achieve “a more male appearance.” I said yes.

I was asked to show my bare chest from the front and side, which I did. Then she asked me how important it was for me to keep my nipple sensation. I replied that it was important unless it would make recovery more difficult or there were other associated risks. She highlighted the problem with the free nipple graft, saying that removing the nipple to relocate it means “you're not gonna have sensation in that nipple and areola anymore.” However, some nipple sensation could be preserved by keeping it attached to “a little stalk of tissue” with “real nerves going to it,” but that would require leaving more tissue behind. I told her I’d go for the free nipple graft to achieve a flatter appearance. It was also suggested I could skip nipple reconstruction entirely and just get nipples “tattooed” directly onto my chest.

She told me I was “a good candidate for surgery,” and put me on the surgery wait list. She said that the wait time was between three and five months, but a cancellation could move me up to a sooner date. Also, if I wanted surgery as soon as possible, I could tell the surgery scheduler that I’d be willing to have any of the other three surgeons perform my mastectomy. Outpatient top surgery would cost me a copay of $100.

They contacted twice, in February and March, notifying me of cancellations. If I had accepted and shown up on those dates, they would have removed my breasts. This would have been less than five months from the time I first contacted Kaiser to inform them of my new “nonbinary” gender identity.

How Far Can I Go?

I decided to see how easy it would be for me to get approved for a phalloplasty. Known euphemistically as “bottom surgery,” phalloplasty is the surgical creation of an artificial penis, generally using tissue from the thigh or arm.

I sent an email on March 1, 2023, requesting to have a phalloplasty and concurrent hysterectomy scheduled alongside my mastectomy.

Two weeks later, on March 16th, I had a 16-minute phone call with a gender specialist to discuss my goals for bottom surgery and obtain my referral.

During the call, I explained to the specialist that I wasn’t sure about taking testosterone anymore because I was already quite athletic and muscular, and that taking testosterone didn’t make much sense to me. Instead, I wanted bottom surgery so that I wouldn’t feel like my “top” didn’t match my “bottom.” I told her:

But what I really wanted was to have bottom surgery. So this way when I have my top surgery, which sounds like it could be very soon, that I’ll be aligned, that I won’t have this sense of dysphoria with one part of my body and the other part feeling like it matched who I am. So yeah. So I just did a little bit more research into that. And I looked at the resources on the Kaiser page for the MST clinic and I think I know what I want, which is the hysterectomy and then at the same time or soon after to be able to have a phalloplasty.

I told her that I wanted to schedule the top and bottom surgery concurrently so that I wouldn’t have to take more time off work and it would save me trips to San Francisco or Oakland, or wherever I had to go for surgery.

None of this gave the gender specialist pause. After a brief conversation about some online resources to look over, she told me that she would “submit the referral now and we’ll get this ball rolling.”

Bottom surgery would cost me a copay of $200, which included a couple of days in the hospital for recovery.

Phalloplasty Surgical Consultation with Nurse Coordinator

On May 16, 2023, I had a short surgical consultation with a nurse coordinator to go through my medical history. This was similar to the consultation for top surgery but included information about hair removal procedures for the skin on my “donor site” that would be fashioned into a makeshift penis. They also went over the procedures for determining which donor site—forearm or thigh—was more viable.

After only 15 minutes, she submitted my referral to the surgeon for another surgical consultation.

On May 25 I received an email from my phalloplasty surgeon’s scheduler, informing me that they have received my referral and are actively working on scheduling, but that they are experiencing delays.

I ended my investigation here once I had the referral for the top and bottom surgery. I never used my testosterone pump.

Final Thoughts

In fewer than 300 days, based on a set of superficial and shifting thoughts about my gender and my “embodiment goals” triggered by the mere mention of “gender” in a form letter from my primary care physician, and driven by what could only be described as minor discomforts, Kaiser Permanente’s esteemed “multi-disciplinary team” of “gender specialists” was willing, with enthusiasm—while ignoring mental health concerns, history of sexual trauma, and rapidly escalating surgical requests—to prescribe life-altering medications and perform surgeries to remove my breasts, uterus, and vagina, close my vaginal opening, and attempt a complex surgery with high failure and complication rates to create a functionless representation of a penis that destroys the integrity of my arm or thigh in the process.

This describes the supposedly meticulous, lengthy, and safety-focused process that a Kaiser patient must undergo to embark on a journey to medically alter their body. No clinician questioned my motivations. No one showed concern that I might be addressing a mental health issue through radical and irreversible interventions that wouldn’t address my amorphous problems. There were no discussions about how these treatments would impact my long-term health, romantic relationships, family, or sex life. I charted the course. The clinicians followed my lead without question. The guiding issue was what I wanted to look like.

No other medical field operates with this level of carelessness and disregard for patient health and welfare. No other medical field addresses issues of self-perception with surgery and labels it “medically necessary.” No other medical field is this disconnected from the reality of the patients it serves.

Kaiser has traded medicine for ideology. It’s far beyond time we stop the ruse of considering “gender-affirming” interventions as anything approaching medical care.

This isn’t the first time Kaiser Permanente has been in the news for completely disregarding medical safeguards in the name of “gender-affirming care.” As girls, Chloe Cole and Layla Jane became convinced that they were born in the wrong body and were actually boys on the inside. Doctors at Kaiser ignored their underlying conditions and instead prescribed testosterone and removed their breasts. Both Cole and Jane have since detransitioned and are currently suing Kaiser.

The fact that children and vulnerable adults are being exploited in this massive ideological experiment is not just tragic; it’s deeply disturbing, especially considering it has evolved into a billion-dollar industry.

I hope that by sharing my story, I can bring more focused scrutiny to the medical scandal unfolding not just at Kaiser but also at medical centers and hospitals across the Western world. These institutions have completely abandoned medical safeguards for patients who claim to be confused about their “gender,” and I aim to awaken more parents and assist them in protecting their children.

--

==

This is completely insane.

Apologists online are running around saying, but she didn't mean it, she was lying, she was pretending...

It doesn't matter.

Any kind of security, penetration or integrity test is insincere too. When security researchers compromise Microsoft's operating system or Google's browser or whatever, "but they didn't mean it" is not a defence to a discovered security flaw. It doesn't matter that the security researchers didn't plan to steal data or money or identities. The flaw in the system is there regardless.

It doesn't matter that it was insincere. Because the workers didn't know that. They never checked, never asked questions, never tested. They had been taught and instructed to never ask any questions. They did what they were supposed to. And the system failed spectacularly. Because that's what "gender affirming care" means.

Additionally, the claim that Beth Bourne committed fraud is an outright lie. A patient cannot bill. They do not have the authority. The medical clinic is the only one that can bill, and they must supply a diagnosis and a medical necessity.

If they didn't diagnose her and just wrote down what she said, then they committed fraud. If they claim they did diagnose her, then they committed fraud, because the diagnosis they concocted was bogus. This, by the way, is actually going on. Clinics are reporting fake endocrine and other disorders to get blockers, hormones and other interventions. Jamie Reed and other whistleblowers have documented evidence of this. Beth Bourne is not responsible for what the clinic does. They have medical licenses and legal responsibility. Not her.

Additionally, anyone who actually read the article would know how she tested the system. She said things like, "I've always been not that feminine. So, maybe I get my boobs removed." And they said, "sure." Instead of saying, "wait, why do you think that?" Framing it as her lying is itself a lie. They violated their ethical obligations. That much is incontrovertible. And it's directly the result of "gender affirming care," where clinics and clinicians rubber-stamp anything deemed "trans" based entirely on ideological, not medical, grounds.

#Beth Bourne #undercover #undercover investigation #gender identity ideology #queer theory #nonbinary #non binary #top surgery #bottom surgery #double mastectomy #bilateral mastectomy #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #affirmation model #medical scandal #medical malpractice #medical corruption #religion is a mental illness

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧ 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐫 || nico hischier ♔

summary: after seeing his captain and his sister together, jack knows they are perfect for each other and makes sure to know nico knows it too.

warnings: reader has a bad day at the end of the fic, my midwest language

notes: i love nico and you guys seem to like when i write him. based on this request -> idea. jack and the reader are twins in this one! i had this idea for a while but when i got this request i had to write it. i think it might be one of my favorites for him but negative feelings is kind of taking the cake. add yourself to the taglist ➵ taglist!

publish date: 02/04/24

nhl masterlist | main masterlist

Nico couldn’t stop thinking about her. He knew it was wrong, liking one of his best friend’s/teammates' little sister, but he couldn’t help it. He was drawn to her the first night he met her, the way her eyes lit up when someone mentioned her major, the way she smiled bigger when someone would bring up her brothers, the way she blushed when someone would compliment her outfit. 

The first time he met her was in December of her freshman year of college. She had finished her exams a day earlier so she and her parents went to New Jersey to cheer on Jack. She had yet to see one of his games so she was excited when it was finally time for her to see him play professionally. They were playing the Ducks and they ended up winning 3-1 with Jack getting a secondary assist.

The bonus of that game was that Nico caught her eye during warm ups. She had gone down to surprise Jack, waiting by the boards. While she was waiting for her brother to notice her, her eyes were trained onto one of his teammates. She couldn’t help but fall for the way he smiled, he was the most handsome man she had ever seen. She was (so rudely) interrupted when Jack appeared in front of her banging on the glass with a giddy expression on his face.

Later that night after the game, her, Luke, and their parents were waiting for Jack to finish whatever he was doing. Luke groaned as they waited, “I’m hungry.”

Y/n hit her younger brother in the chest, “You and you’re fucking metabolism.”

“Language y/n.”

“Sorry mom.”

“Yeah, language y/n.” The girl goes to hit him again but is stopped when Jack comes running out, “Y/n!!”

She grunts when Jack’s body collides with her, “I can’t believe you’re here! How’s school going? Any boys?” His eyebrow raises at his last statement but she just rolls her eyes.

“I’m glad you’re here though.” 

“Me too, Jacky.”

Their moment is interrupted when Jack glances over to see one of his teammates and screams out his name, “Nico!”

The man stops, turning towards him and smiling awkwardly, “Hi.”

Jack pulls away from his sister excitedly, “Guys this is Nico. Nico this is my mom and my dad, my twin sister y/n, and my younger brother Luke.”

Y/n immediately recognizes him from earlier as the one who she couldn’t stop staring at. She didn’t think he could get any cuter until he spoke more and she heard more of his accent, “Nice to meet you all. Mr. and Mrs. Hughes your son is incredibly talented.”

Both Ellen and Jim thank Nico for his kind words before he turns to face the two teenagers. Jack looks between Luke and Nico happily, “Luke plays hockey too. He’ll be in the draft in a couple years.”

Luke gives his older brother a look, “As if.”

“Oh come on, Lukey. You’ll be great. You’re definitely making it in the draft, even will go in the first round.” Luke was always getting praised by his sister, she made it her job to make sure her brothers knew how good they were. 

Nico looked at the girl in the eyes, “Do you play too?”

The three siblings burst out laughing as they gave each other looks, “Oh god no. I would fall as soon as I touched my toe on the ice.”

“It’s true. When we were younger she came to one of our games, mom and dad took her on the ice and she couldn’t stay up for the life of her.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, a blush rising to her cheeks, “Yes, we get it. I’m horrible at skating.”

Nico laughed a little and it was like heaven to her ears. The next couple of minutes were silent and awkward, her and Nico making eye contact for the duration. When Nico left, Ellen gave her daughter a look before she just ushered all of them out of the building, Luke still complaining about how hungry he was.

Ever since then, the two of them couldn’t stop thinking about each other. And ever since then, Nico hadn’t been able to hold a long conversation with the girl. He loved the way she blushed when something even remotely embarrassing happened, how she blushed whenever he even said one word to her, he loved everything about her. 

Now, she had graduated college and decided to move to New Jersey because of a great job opportunity. Jack was more than ecstatic to have two of his siblings moving in with him, especially his twin sister. She at first refused to move in with the two, not wanting to impose on the next step in Luke’s hockey career but they both argued with her that they wanted to have her there. 

She now was able to go to a lot more of their games which meant she saw a lot more of Nico. When she was too tired to stay awake to wait for Jack and Luke, Nico would offer to take her home. She was grateful every time he did, practically falling asleep in his car. He couldn’t help but look over at her constantly as he drove back to the Hughes’ apartment.

One night, she had to wait for Jack and Luke because they were going out to dinner together for her birthday. She had been leaning up against the wall when Nico came out, “Hey.”

“Hi, Nico.” She blushed as she made eye contact with him.

“You need a ride home tonight?” He noticed the way she could barely keep her eyes open as they kept drooping down. 

She shook her head, “No, we're going out for my birthday.”

“Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, but it’s actually not till the weekend but you guys are going to be gone so they wanted to celebrate tonight. Congrats on the win, by the way.”

“Thank you.” He walked over closer to her, standing next to her. She was tired enough that she ended up laying her head on his shoulder, no longer able to stay upright. 

He was surprised by the sudden pressure he felt and turned his gaze towards her. Her eyes were now closed as her arms crossed over her chest, shivering from the cold of the Prudential Center. That was one thing she had never gotten used to. Nico smiled as he watched her, in awe about how much she was comfortable around him. 

He hadn’t noticed Jack come out from around the corner, his gaze entirely focused on her. Jack had stopped himself in the middle of the hallway when he noticed his captain and his sister. He was a little dumbfounded at first, not expecting to see them together. He started to become frustrated, but he couldn’t tell who he was more frustrated with, although he knew deep down he would never really be mad at either of them.

The more he stared at them, the more he grew fond of the two together. He watched as Nico took his suit jacket off of his arm and placed it around the girl carefully. He winced when he saw her move off his shoulder, slightly scared that the two would notice him now. However, as she lifted her head she kept her eyes closed, grasping the edges of the jacket, pulling it closer to her, and laying her head back down on Nico’s shoulder.

He smiled as Nico smiled, still looking down at her. Jack knew that Nico was the right guy for her. He knew that if she was too uncomfortable to speak, he would speak for her. If she was having a hard day he knew he would be there for her. He knew that he would do anything for her. And in that moment, he knew that they were perfect for each other.

As soon as he finished that thought, Luke came walking up behind him looking at his phone. He bumped into him and stumbled a little, surprised by the sudden impact. He looked at his brother confused, “Sorry, dude. What the fuck are you doing just standing in the middle of the hallway?”

Jack hissed at how loud his younger brother’s voice was and grimaced when he saw y/n and Nico jump from their positions leaning against each other. Y/n’s eyes were wide as she saw her brothers standing there, she was nervous about how or if they would react to what they just saw. Nico on the other hand felt guilty. He knew he shouldn’t be falling in love with her, he knew he shouldn’t be catching feelings for his teammates' sister, his best friend’s sister.

He cleared his throat and y/n looked at him, “Oh yeah. Thanks, Nico, here’s your jacket.”

He held his hand up as a form of goodbye before walking away. She was looking at the ground and Luke and Jack were exchanging looks with each other. Luke was giving his brother a look saying that they should do something about it, saying that they had to talk to her. Jack was giving him a look saying that it was okay, not to bother it right now, it was something for a later time. 

The two walked over to her, placed their arms around her, and walked out to their car, “Who is ready to celebrate their birthday?”

✧༺✎༻∞

The next day the team was at practice, and Nico was completely unfocused the whole time. He was anxious about whether or not Jack or Luke would talk to him about what they saw last night. He skated away from the two Hughes’ every chance he got. At one point, he had to actually dodge Luke from coming at him. 

When they were in the locker room, Jack had walked up to him desperately wanting to talk to him. When he felt the tap on his shoulder, he turned around and looked at him with wide eyes, “Hey Jack.”

“We need to talk.”

He nodded, worry once again making its presence known, “Listen I know I should’ve told you about how I felt about y/n. And I know I shouldn’t even have these feelings as it is  because she’s your sister and I know that you won’t-”

“Hey. That’s not what I was going to say at all. I was going to tell you that I’m okay with you two dating. I actually think you would be great for her.”

Nico was taken aback by his friend’s answer. He wasn’t telling him to date his sister, right? There was no way. Jack noticed the look on his captain’s face and smiled, “I know it’s weird that I'm telling you to date my sister, but I know you will treat her right, Nico. I trust you.”

Nico nodded, “I mean, we might be getting way over our heads, right? I mean, she might not even like me like that.”

The younger boy shook his head, “She does. I haven’t seen her that comfortable around someone in a while. Trust me, she likes you.”

With the assurance from Jack that it was okay and his newfound confidence, Nico knew he had to ask her out, and he knew it had to be perfect. So he took every piece of knowledge he knew about her, the fact that she doesn’t like grand gestures, what her favorite restaurant is, what her favorite thing to do is, and compiled them into a date. 

When they get back from their road trip, y/n comes to the first game she can. During that game, both Jack and Nico got a goal, and Nico’s being assisted by her brothers. They won the game and as usual, the boys wanted to go out and celebrate. However, it had been a long day for the girl, she had been screamed at during work for doing something that she didn’t even do, she then ripped her favorite shirt due to a small thread getting caught on her desk drawer. 

If things couldn’t get worse, she had forgotten her lunch at the apartment, causing her not to eat for a large amount of time, only being able to snack on a couple of things here and not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money on food at Prudential. On her way there she had almost gotten into an accident which was her final straw. She had just wanted to sit down and watch her brothers, and Nico, play so she could go home.

As always, she waited for them as she stared at the wall across from her. Today, Luke was the first one out, standing next to her as she buried her head into his chest, oh so close to crying. It wasn’t until Jack came out and placed a hand on her back that she started crying. Jack pulled his twin in for a hug, consoling her as best as he could, “What’s wrong, y/n/n?”

“I’ve had a really shitty day.”

Jack frowned, defeated, knowing there was nothing he could really do about it. Yet when he saw Nico walk out he ushered him over, motioning to him that if he was going to do something he should do it now. Nico looked at him with crazed eyes as he mouthed, “Now?!”

He nodded and pulled his sister away from his body, “Hey, we’re gonna go hang out with the team and I’m sure you wanna go home, is it okay if Nico takes you home?”

It was like her brain switched on when Jack mentioned Nico. She stood up straight and quickly wiped the tears off her face, dirtying her sweatshirt sleeve. Nico gave him a look but he just winked. Y/n nodded her head, waving goodbye to her brothers. They both kissed her head before walking away and the two could hear them bickering about something on their way out. 

Nico and y/n stood there awkwardly before Nico motioned her to start walking, “After you.”

She started walking, throwing her hands into her sweatshirt pockets, “You didn’t want to go out?”

“Nah, I’m kind of tired right now.” 

She gave him a nod of sympathy, understanding exactly where he was coming from. Nico looked at her a little worried, some of the tears were still on her face, having dried up, “Are you okay?”

“No, yeah. It was just a crappy day.”

“Can I ask what happened?” He opened the car door for her and allowed her to jump in. 

She waited until he got into the car and turned the heat on before she answered, “It was just a bunch of little things that happened. If they had happened on separate days it wouldn’t have been as bad.”

They sat in silence again and almost up until they reached the Hughes’ apartment. When they were about two minutes away, Nico looked at her suddenly becoming anxious. If he was to do it, he should do it now. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Mhm, go for it.”

“Do you want to go on a date?”

If she was the one driving right now she would’ve slammed on the brakes and whipped her head towards him, but she wasn’t. So instead her eyes snapped open and she fiddled with her fingers. Nico grew even more anxious at the silence coming from the girl, wondering if Jack was right about his sister’s feelings for him. 

She didn’t talk until he pulled into the parking lot, “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re you and- and I don’t know. I just really want to, I really want to take you out on a date.”

“Where?”

“To your favorite restaurant. And then I want to take you to Barnes and Noble and let you pick out your favorite books so I can buy them for you. And then we can go walk around and look around at the lights. And then I’ll take you to your favorite bakery so we can get a muffin for you on your way home.”

Y/n looked at him in awe, not expecting him to know all of these things about her, “How do you know that?”

“How do I know what?”

“What my favorite things are?”

“Because I know you, y/n Hughes. You are the girl who comes and supports her brothers every chance she gets, you’re the girl who smiles politely at someone even if you don’t like them, you’re the girl who blushes at everything remotely embarrassing, you’re the girl who lights up when you talk about your job, you’re the girl who brings a book to a fucking hockey game so you can read at intermission, you’re the girl I’ve liked since December 18, 2019.”

“You remember the day I met you?”

“No, I remember the day I fell in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me?”

“Yeah, that seemed a bit much… I’m sorry.”

She shook her fearlessly, “I’m in love with you too, Neeks.”

“So does that mean you’ll go on a date with me?”

“Yeah.” 

He leaned in to kiss her and she immediately reciprocated. 

Meanwhile, Jack and Luke were on their way to get dinner, arguing about how Jack would let y/n date Nico, “I mean what if they break up, Jack! It’s gonna be so fucking awkward!”

Jack shook his head, “They won’t break up.”

Luke raised an eyebrow and turned to face his brother directly, “And how do you know that?”

“Because he’s perfect for her.”

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

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#sunny lune writes #hockey #nhl #nico hischier #nh13 #nico hischer x reader #nico hischier x hughes!reader

[042502]

My Classmate // M. Sturniolo x Reader.

SYNOPSIS: You and Matt are classmates, you considered him a new friend, but little by little you are noticing new feelings for a caress during classes. WARNINGS: Teenage romance, high school romance, friends in love, physical contact, exaggeration of everything, too saccharine, fluffy content, soft, and everything cute. NOTES: My first language is not English, so if you find any grammatical errors you already know why :) MASTERLIST!!

It was a cold Thursday morning, classes at the institute were becoming busier due to the approach of the weekend, but to my bad luck my Thursdays were a double shift. I hated the person who was so bad as to put up the double shift on a Thursday.

Upon entering my class I noticed that I was the first in my group to arrive, even so there were some other students already present, I settled into my seat and seconds later some friends arrived, all except my benchmate.

The door opened again and I expected it to be my partner, but instead it was Matt who entered the room.

He was a cute boy, I'm not going to lie, although our school strongly requested that we wear a boring uniform, Matt was in charge of showing it off in the best way possible, and sometimes he didn't even respect it one hundred percent.

Matt took his place a few meters behind me, apparently my partner wasn't coming today. The class had started, it was about history, it was honestly an interesting class, except that the teacher had such a boring voice that it made me sleepy just hearing him read the book.

The two hours of history class finally ended, but that meant that Biology class began.

I had my body on my desk, my eyes were closed, I could still hear the conversation of my friends who were sitting in front of me. I would have gladly joined the talk, but I was so lost in a dream, I guess it was the effect of history classes.

Suddenly I felt like the chair that was empty next to me is occupied, I open my eyes and see Matt, he had an amused expression on his face.

I couldn't exactly define the relationship I had with him, I mean, we weren't friends, but we weren't friends either, close is saying something that we aren't and I think we could say that we are colleagues who get along well.

The teacher came in and told us what today's class would be about, respiratory system, I had already lost count of the times we have had classes on this.

The teacher began to read us the book and the definitions of the respiratory system, Matt had his back to me as he paid attention to the teacher's words.

The windows were hit by raindrops, it was quite cold in the room, my hands sought warmth and took refuge in Matt, I hugged his body, leaving my chest against his back and my hands found themselves in front of his chest.

Matt had a pencil between his fingers that belonged to me, he didn't move or do anything about my proximity. I took the laces of that sweatshirt he was wearing, my head rested on his left shoulder and a few seconds later he let his head rest on mine.

I was immersed in the professor's reading that I didn't realize at what moment Matt had caught my hand in his, he was giving it gentle caresses, giving it light squeezes, and then continuing to caress my skin.

When the class ended I couldn't stop thinking about the situation that just happened, how close it was, it felt so intimate. I couldn't get my head around what had happened.

There was only one last class left, before I can continue wandering in my thoughts, the teacher was present, she told us that today we would only read the book, so she did not order us to put away all our belongings. She also asked if anyone in the class wanted to offer to read.

One of my classmates offered to do it, her voice was so delicate and soft, this wasn't helping me stay awake. I settle on the table, but still keep my eyes open in a last attempt to stay awake.

Then I felt a weight on my back, it was Matt who leaned on me. The reading continued and we remained in that position.

"Well, we can leave the chapter there" the teacher concludes the reading. "Before we leave, I wanted to read you a text..."

He stood up to read it, Matt and I rejoined. The teacher began to walk towards the back of the room. I turned my body so I could see the teacher, she began to read the first words and in a brief moment I could tell that it was a romantic text, it couldn't fit better with the day, seriously.

Matt's arms surround my waist and he was looking for my hands so he could caress them as he had done during the previous class. I could feel my heart beating desperately, if it continues like this my heart will probably explode. The contact is broken thanks to the vibration of his cell phone. The teacher finished reading and gave us permission to leave.

I was walking down the stairs when Matt caught up with me and walked down beside me.

"Will you go home or go to the double shift?" It was cold, but my mother won't come to pick me up until the last hour.

"I would like to go home, but my mother won't come looking for me." I grimace in a failed attempt to smile.

Finally we left the establishment, Matt saw a gray car and approached it, I saw how the window rolled down and a woman spoke to him, he nodded and then approached where I was, waiting for him.

"Apparently I'm going home" They had come to pick him up "Did he reach your house?" I was surprised, Matt lives passing by my house, I didn't know what to say to him.

"I don't know..."

"Let's go".

He didn't take my hand without thinking and started walking towards the vehicle. He opened the back door and we both entered, in front was an older man driving and a woman who was beautiful, I suppose it was his parents, seconds later he confirmed it to me, they are very nice. Like Matt, his parents are lovely.

They left me at the door of my house, I thanked them and once I showered and dressed, I took my cell phone and sent them a text message.

"Thanks for bringing me" I sent the message to Matt.

He didn't take long to respond to me.

"It's nothing ❤" He smiled and put my cell phone on my nightstand.

NOTES: Remember to hit the heart and share it with your friends! Thanks for reading^^

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[caxde]

Labyrinth | Eddie Munson x reader

summary You knew Eddie before it all, the fame and the succes. He knew you before you found fame, as you both reach it, your relationship changes into something new.(6.7k)

this was a rockstar!Eddie request by @sage-glowstick , she wanted a fic inspiered and that featured Silver Springs by fleetwood mac, here we are I hope you like it babe <33

warnings hurt/comfort, miscomunication, friends to lovers, slowburn, eddie being a dumbass, angst!, afab reader but no pronouns used I think

English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes

Hawkins, May, 1986

“You should come tonight” Eddie said, as he handed you a handmade flyer.

You were sitting down on the exit stairs of the Hawkins High School as he stood there, his body between your legs. Always so close, yet far away. You looked down at it, you saw the scribbled out Corroded Coffin logo over a black and white photo of the band, it read: last home show before tour!

“I still can’t believe that you’re actually going on tour.” You mutter back to him, as you play with the edges repeatedly. Your fingers craving the warmth that a cigarette would let them.

“You’ll make it big too, I know it.” He chuckled, as he left a friendly bump on your knee with his. You laughed as you stared back at his eyes, a flicker of sadness on yours, melancholy in his. A sense of homesickness even if he hasn’t left yet.

“Fucking hope so.” You stood up, a smile appearing on your lips as you got closer to him, you nod as you look at the small flyer one last time before folding it and tucking it deep in your pocket. “I’ll be there, don’t worry.”

Your cheeks flushed as you see the way his smile grows wider and softer, excitement clear his expression, as his hands play excitedly with his rings.

“I’ll see you there then.” He said as he grinned, before turning around and walking to his van, leaving you there.

You watched him leave, thinking about if that was going to be the first time or the last that you had to see him leave, if you would ever get enough courage to actually tell him how he makes you feel, or if he will never know.

You stood there for a second too long as you reached out for a cigarette, feeling the relief it left on your body once the nicotine made its way into it. You started walking slowly to your car, head still in the clouds as you fantasized about telling him. How it would feel to be honest with him for once, i really like you edds you’d say, and he would nod and smile. That stupid smile that drove you wild and mad all at once.

On the back of your car your bass guitar laid there. A promise, a getaway ticket for you to get out of here. You had played with some small bands, nothing ever stuck, not really.

And unlike Eddie, you hadn’t told anyone about the one way plane ticket you had bought for yourself to New York, hoping you’d find fame there.

-

The show had been amazing, as it usually was.

Thought tonight Eddie seemed to finally shine as bright as he should have always had.

He was angelic under the stage lights.

For once he wasn’t wearing an old beat up band t-shirt, but an open see-through black shirt that let his stomach visible, a happy trail from his belly button traveling down onto his crotch, framed in tight black jeans that you had been trying all night not to stare, as hard as it was.

The sweat that stuck to his body made him shine even more, and even if you thought that he would smell of sweat and alcohol, nothing but an intense smell of sandalwood and perfume followed him as he came down from the stage to hug you tightly.

He didn’t care that everyone was watching. The only thing that mattered right now was that you had come and that you were there, looking at him with admiration and (he hoped) love. He had fallen for you that night, and he would blame the adrenaline, but he was in a rush to let you know.

So his arms wrapped around your waist tightly, not letting you go. Resting his head on the small of your shoulder as he enjoyed the way your arms had settled on his neck, your chest against his, and your hearts beating fast, as one.

It was obvious to both of you, and even if it was necessary, you needed to tell him, it was now or never.

“Eddie” You whisper into his ear.

“I’ll miss you so much.” He answered. You nodded back, he felt it by the way your hair moved, and your chin hitted his body.

“Eddie” You repeated.

He stepped back enough to be able to look at your face, his hands still on your waist. You were in a room full of people, yet you only had eyes and ears for each other, treasureing this moment, wishing it could last forever.

“I’m leaving for New York.” You confessed. Him being the first person you told. You looked at him, as his expression travelled from shockness to proudness. You realised now that your arms had stayed where there were, your hands on the back of his neck, tangled between his curls, the softness of them leaving you speechless for a second too long.

“You better come to our show there.” He joked, as his voice became softer, his eyes shining, not because of the light, but because of the feeling of fondness he felt for you in this moment. He pulled you close once again, and he muttered against your ear. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” He admitted.

“I’m really proud of you too, Edds” It shocked you, just how much sincerity layed on those words, in that moment saying anything else, would just break the moment, in your opinion.

So you just decided to look at him. And the way his face beamed at you, flushed in pretty hues of pink, and that stupid Eddie grin that he had only for you.

In another world, in a world where you were braver, you would have told him you loved him right there, maybe even kissed him.

But in this one, you decided to just hug him again, and really focused on the way he felt, the way he smelt, and just how warm and safe having him this close made you feel. It may be the last time in a while.

In another world, Eddie begged you to come tour with him, he would tell you that he isn’t ready to stop seeing you all of a sudden, that he isn’t capable of imagining a time in his life where he isn’t as close to you as he is right now. In that world Eddie would finally realise that those feelings are the big scary ones, the four letter ones.

But in this one, he is way to scared of leaving home, and he is just panicking enough that he just melts into your arms, and thinks that he’d be a goner if you weren’t his friend, and that he’s too scared of fucking this up with his stupid crush.

So, he drove you home. And whipped your tears as they felt out of your cheek when he finally said goodbye. Leaving you alone in your bed, with his goodbye gift, his Corroded Coffin shirt that you slept with that night.

-

New York, October, 1986

Moving away from home had a funny way of making you feel like you’ve never actually had a home before.

Even more so when you ended up sharing an apartment with people from your own town, but now you were all older in a way, safe and far away, with a new opportunity.

You did know who Steve was, and the same thing happened with Robin, but you weren’t really friends before, and just in six months you couldn’t imagine a world without them.

Your first week in New York seemed so long ago, it felt like a dream.

Searching for an apartment, and bumping into an old known face that was renting a room.

You were living with them the next day, and you never looked back.

Robin was working at an independent bookstore. Steve found a part-time gig at a youth center. And you made ends meet in an alternative bar in SoHo, down the street where you lived.

What was even better, you were actually playing. Like in a band, a real band. You sang and played the bass, Robin was on drums, and Steve was lead guitar and singer.

Labyrinth had become a new usual in the alternative culture in New York, and you tried to play at least four nights a week.

Robin had come up with the name.

After the first movie night you hosted and Steve had fallen in love with magic dance and the way Bowie sang it, he insisted you guys figured the melody out so you could start covering it regularly.

Now you always open your shows with your version of it.

A new version. A rockier one.

But tonight was a first. One Night Only: Corroded Coffin, openers; Labyrinth. It was more commonly known as “The Hawkins show”.

You had been walking in circles all morning, as your nerves grew bigger and stronger. Not only for playing at the legendary Webster Hall, not even for the fact that actual managers and as Steve had called them “big fishes” were going to be there. It was all because of the stupid curly headed boy.

Now, moments before you actually had to play, you laid on the little backstage space that they let you, trying to get Robin to stay still as you painted a black liner on her eye.

“Robs, I swear to god if you move again and I poke your eye out, I’m not even going to feel bad.” You threaten, as the blonde looked up at you, your faces inches away from hers.

“I can’t help it, it feels funny.” She whined as she stared back at you, her eyes squirming involuntarily as you inched closer.

“Come on dude, she’s done that to you like 52 times at least.” Steve added to the conversation as he changed shirts for the third time in a row. Retouching his hair as soon as the white tank top was hiding his chest, his anxious movements remained the same.

“I thought you were wearing the black one.” You added with a curious look on your face, as you see Steve purse his lips together.

“Dude, don’t make me change again, please.” He stepped closer to the mirror that was behind the both of you.

“Sorry, duuude.” You mocked his new favourite word, as he grinned back at you, his nervous energy becoming yours.

“Can you please finish my other eye before you make fun of Steve?” Robin begged as she grabbed your face, making you look back at her.

“Will you stay still?” She nodded. “Good.”

She didn’t stay still, but you treasured these kinds of moments for what they were worth. The feeling of finally being with people that knew you, truely. Feeling loved, and cared for.

“Right, I’ll get us some beers before the show while you guys change.” Steve announced as he headed out, his body already out the door.

“As if it was something you hadn’t already seen before!” Robin screamed at him. You laughed at her sincerity, and her wobbly hands. It was fun to know just how much control over her movements she had when she was on stage, and just how clumsy she could become once the lights were no longer shining. “So, what are you wearing for your big night?” Robin teased back at you, an eyebrow higher than the other.

“My big night?” Your voice went an octave higher, as you blushed.

“Come on… Eddie?” She asked, as she took her shirt off and she put on her old-once white-badly stitched shirt on.

“What about him?” You said back, a monotone in your voice that wanted to make it sound like it wasn’t that big of a deal, even if it absolutely was.

“Your huge crush on him?”

“I do not!”

“You so do!”

“Well, what if I do?” Robin couldn’t stop laughing, as she saw just how red your face was turning, almost matching the shade of your lipstick.

You turned your back on her as you tried to find his shirt, as faded and as distressed as it was now, it felt important to wear it today. A short black skirt under it, leaving your legs exposed.

“You so do, you love sick bug.” She continued teasing once she saw the shirt you decided to wear.

“I’m just showing support for our hometown talent.” You said back, a fabricated lie that you like to tell yourself, instead of the i’m so nervous i feel like i might vomit so i need something familiar truth.

“Sure you do.” A familiar voice came out from the opened door.

Eddie was resting his body on the door frame, his arms flexed over his chest, and his head tilted, with the same grin that he always had for you.

And once again it happened, nobody else seemed to be in the room when he was in it. His hair seemed longer, and healthier, his arms looked more muscular and his face somehow stayed the same.

That stupid upside grin and his shiny brown eyes.

Steve followed him closely behind, handing you the beer as you cheered as you did before every show.

“Eddie, this is Steve, Steve Eddie.” You introduced the two guys as they shook hands, looking at each other in a funny way. Steve’s free hand was in his waist, the same pose he always has when something was clicking in his head. Eddie had his head crooked to the left, trying to pierce something together.

“Did you hang out with..”

“Henderson.” Eddie finished. They both nodded and laughed, a calm banter starting between the both of them.

“And this is Robin.” You added as you messed with her hair as she waved a shy hi.

“From band?” He asked her, making her shoulders drop, making her feel included and seen.

It made your heart melt just a bit more, seeing him get along so well with your friends, and it was also an incredible relief. This was everything you wanted, Eddie hanging out with your friends, smiling and laughing. You had been dreaming about it ever since he left, and you had met these people that had no problem adopting you into their life.

“We should start doing our sound check” Steve said once he had finished his bottle of beer, Robin already standing up with her drumsticks on her back pocket.

“I’ll join you two in just a second, I need to finish this first.” You moved your head at the mess on the table, makeup scattered away and a song half written in your notebook.

“S’key” Robin blurred as she pushed Steve out of the room, knowing that what you meant to say was that you wanted some time with your old friend.

As they left the room, the mood changed all of a sudden. The room seemed smaller, warmer. The lights softer.

Eddie rested his body on top of a free space of the table, his leg gracing the chair you were sat in, his eyes looking at you closely as you did your black liner. A stupid soft smile appearing on your lips as you looked at him through the reflection of the mirror.

“What?” You laughed as you looked at his curved lips, pinker than you remember.

“I like looking at you.” He confesses. Eddie wanted to tell you so much more, but was somehow still afraid of saying something stupid, so he did what he always does, he lit a cigarette and offered one to you. “I missed being able to look at you.”

“You’re an idiot Moon.” You chuckled as you let him light the cigarette for you.

“At least I’m your idiot, right?”

Eddie’s eyes were hopeful, shining brighter than they have ever done for you, his brown eyes looking like melted caramel, as he left his lips slightly parted while the smoke left them.

He sometimes wished you could read his mind, or that he could read yours. In his opinion it would be easier than to actually gesticulate the words out of his mouth.

“As long as I’m yours.” You answered back, almost in a whisper. Your doe like eyes looking up at him.

Time stopped there. As soon as Eddie left his free hand drawing patterns on the skin of your arm, he was enchanted there, and you couldn’t stop looking at him. Not really believing that he was finally as close to you as he was.

You finished your cigarettes in that comfortable and warm silence, and you waited a few seconds before interrupting it.

“I’ve got something for you.” He looked down at you, his eyebrows raised in intrigue, you bit your lower lip in nervous anticipation.

“Show me?” He begged. You couldn’t help but wonder how he could sound begging for something else. You, perhaps.

You nodded, as you got up from your chair and bent over searching for the new t-shirts you had made for today's show. Not really remembering that you had a skirt on, and not really giving it that much thought, but from Eddie’s point of view it seemed like the view was the gift entirely.

The way your naked legs looked had already made him a little dizzy, but once you bent over he could see the way your thong kept you covered, but still your ass was in full display. He felt a little tighter against his jeans, as a tingling started to grow, along with his blushed cheeks, he resorted to bite the inside of his cheek in a pathetic attempt to not make it all too evident. He even lifted his head up, looking at the ceiling as soon as you turned around.

If you hadn’t been as nervous, you would have caught it all, but once again, you were busy looking at the way your fingers were fidgeting with the shirt you were giving to him.

“You gave me your shirt, it’s about time you have one of mine’s” He was about to melt right on the spot, and for once you could tell. He let out a sight, a i’m falling in love with you kind of sight, or at least that’s what you hoped, or chose to believe.

“You’re so corny” He halved joked as he grins again, his head shaking with the happiest glee you had ever seen on his face.

He took his shirt off in a quick movement, giving you a show of your own. His necklace decorating the way his collar bones looked and marking an arrow going down his chest, tattoos decorating some of his skin, and the same happy trail that had been living on the back of your head since you last saw it six months ago.

But having him that close, made you weaker somehow. His skin looked softer, his body left the space between you both warmer, hotter, smelling of him and his stupid perfume that followed him everywhere he went.

You were aware that your chest had been rising faster as you were thirsting after him, and that your lip started to hurt a bit from biting as hard as you were, trying to not make a sound as you stared at him.

He took away the shirt from your hands, and put it on slowly, not breaking eye contact with you. His breath was starting to get heavier, and the space between both of you smaller.

“Do I- Does it look good?” He asked, his voice lower, raspier. His words only meant for your ears.

“Yeah. Angelic.” He smiled at your joke, as his fingers played with the ends of your hair.

Even though he realised that it wasn’t a joke, since it seemed like more of a confession. He tried something, he took a step closer, and his smile grew deeper when he saw that you didn’t move away, but stepped closer, your waist bumping into his. Your fingers playing anxiously with the end of his new shirt.

“Do you actually like it? Cus’ I made the design and since we don’t really know anything about what the final one’s gonna look like we could still change it and-” He pushed your hair behind your neck, his fingers stopping right there, and shutting you up a second before he talked again.

“Have you ever thought about kissing me?” Your eyes opened wide at the question. A new side of Eddie you hadn’t seen before, a cockiness and lack of fear that left you in awe. Even his usual grin looked different, as you were that close.

“What” Only all the time you thought.

“It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it. Kissing you.” His fingers that rested on your neck started to bury themselves deep into your skin, pulling you in, asking for permission at the same time. “And what could happen.” His voice was lower, barely above a whisper. It was hypnotising. “What I’d do, with you.”

It was truly making you dizzy, his words saying everything that you have always wanted to hear, your heart beating fast and hard, loud enough for you to hear. A tingeling feeling that invaded your whole body, an electricity that pulled both of you closer with every breath you took.

“I have.”

“You have?” He teased back, eyebrow raised as his hair fell to the side. Your cheeks were flushed in pretty pink, and your eyes were softer as you were lost between his eyes and his lips.

“Yeah.”

“Do you wanto…”

As soon as you nodded, he didn’t waste any more time. He pulled you by your neck softly at first, and as your breath mixed with his he stopped there for a second, enjoying the feeling right before you kiss the person that’s been on your mind since you met them. But once his lips were on yours, his grip became harder, yours was holding onto his waist, needing him closer, and a moan escaped your lips in between kisses when he held your neck tighter, and your tongue met his.

It had been worth the wait.

“Hope you have a good show, darling.” He muttered, once your lips separated from his. A new found confidence that made him sound cockier, and a wink for you before he exited the room.

You should have reapplied your lipstick, and he should have washed it off, instead you went and played wearing his band shirt with smeared red lipstick, while he was wearing yours and some pretty evident mark of who had kissed you.

-

New York, June, 1987

The studio always smelled of sandalwood, and the air usually was heavy with smoke.

Funny enough, in the last six months it all happened quickly. Photos of you and Eddie wearing eachothers clothes on stage made it to mainstream media, and you were signed immediately after by the same discography that had signed Corroded Coffin.

Which meant that you shared the same studio.

And usually had the same or similar opportunities.

Steve was curlded on the little couch, scribbling away on his notebook, finishing one of the last songs you needed to finish the album.

Robin was in the recording pod, her final drums until you finish writing the last song you had to write.

It was your idea, each of you would write four songs, twelve songs total. Labyrinth. Self titled album, that was all about you, and your friends.

Robin had come up with beautiful melancholic lyrics about unrequited love, and her identity.

Steve wrote about wanting to be free, his party days and what it felt like living in a small town.

And you wrote about them, and the love you had to give.

And Eddie.

Since that night where you opened for them, Eddie had been living under your skin. He’d come over to where you guys were recording, hang out, steal a kiss or two and leave. Or he’d call you late at night begging for you to come over and sleep with him, and you ended up going every time. Success had finally found its way into Eddie’s life, quicker than in yours.

Corroded Coffin was already working on their second studio album, and had a tour planned out. Magazines covers started to have lines like up and coming band sells out tour or Exclusive Interview with Corroded Coffin’s singer Eddie Munson. The last one asking about you, and Eddie saying on paper that you were just extremely close friends, while he was making you beg for him to hit you harder every time you ended up on his bed.

It was confusing. But you wanted him badly. And there was the small voice on the back of your head that begged you to cherish it while it lasted, because you were afraid of what could happen once tour started.

But you didn’t imagine that you’d start touring before him.

The news had just left Robin’s mouth when she joined you two on the little lounge area.

“We just got a call. You’re going to freak out.” She couldn’t stop smiling, her eyes closing from excitement, as she made her way to the couch, hugging Steve as she whispered something on his ear.

“Shut the fuck up.” He said in return, as he opened his mouth in shock, a starstruck gaze in his eyes as he shook his head from side to side.

“I’m being serious.” She confirmed, as they started screaming and abrupting in nervous laughter.

“What?” You asked, seeing them so excited, not following whatever was going on.

“You’re not lying?” Steve asked again as he threw his notebook on the ground.

“Fuck no, Stevie.” Robin continued to look him dead on the eyes, her smile showing off all of her teeth.

“Guys? What’s going on?” You begged again, the both of them finally lookin at you.

“You should start packing your bags.” Steve started, with his eyes sparkling as he couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping.

“Whatdoyoumean?” Excitement was already filtering through your voice.

“I mean we’re touring.” Robin said, slowly, her hands grabbing her jeans in pure joy.

“Fuck off.” You shook your head as your eyes widened “When?”

“From the 20th of July to the 14th of August, and then back on the 1st of September until the 14th of October.” Robin's voice was calmer now, but still she couldn’t believe it as she was saying it. Out of all of you, she is probably the one that's more excited to tour around, she really wanted to see every little place this world had to offer, and music gave that to her.

“Oh.” A bit of shock and disappointment left your voice, and Steve furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at you.

“What?” He said, his stare a familiar sensation.

“I bought you guys tickets as a surprise.” You reached down your bag, and grabbed them, fidgeting with them as you looked back at your friends. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” You handed them the tickets and they laughed deeper, something was going on. “Hey I was excited about seeing Bowie with you guys…” You whined a bit as you snatched the tickets back, throwing them deep into your bag.

“But you will see Bowie with us dude.” Robin stepped closer, a hand resting on your knee as her eyes shined at you, begging for you to put the puzzle pieces together.

“What? When?”

“We’re opening for Bowie.”

You melted into her arms, and Steve followed you guys closely. You had made it, it didn’t matter anymore, that was as close as you could have ever dreamt of, and it was actually happening.

-

New York, July, 1987

“So you’re really leaving?” Eddie asked, his voice low and softer now that it was only the both of you in the studio.

Your last song is mastered, and the album just needs a few ticks and twists and it will be done, officially.

“Yeah, first show is in Philadelphia.”

“When?”

“We’re leaving in a couple days.” You added, and saw him standing up, putting distance between the both of you. “What’s going on Moon?”

It warmed him, hearing you call him that sweet pet name. The first time you did his skin got covered in goosebumps and his heart stopped for a second. Right now, his heart was shattering and didn’t know how to verbalize it, so hearing you call him that, it drew a needle through his heart. A frown appeared on his face, and all of the alarms started sounding in your head.

“So you’re leaving.” He started, a spiraling down that you didn’t like the sound of.

“So are you.” You pointed out. Eddie looked at you now, your shoulders shrugged in defence, your voice about to break, an uncomfortable conversation that was about to happen.

“Yeah, but I was supposed to…”

“You were supposed to what?” A sharp tone could not only be heard on your voice, but also felt in the air, as this conversation was full of sharp words and needles that stuck on your throat.

“I was supposed to make it, and…”

“So you can go around and I’m supposed to do what? Wait for you?” You weren’t angry, just hurt.

But Eddie didn’t know that.

Eddie just heard you and your cold words. He just saw you sitting down on the couch, with your leg bouncing up and down as your nails buried into your thigh, your hair falling in a controlled mess over you.

Eddie just saw you getting hurt, because of him, and felt awful. So he thought Its better this way, if she stays with me she’ll just get hurt, I love her and I need her happy.

“No.” The way he shook his head, his shampoo filling the air, it stinged the way he looked so beautiful, majestic even. “You were supposed to be by my side.” He sat back down, opposite to you, looking deep into your eyes. “With me.” He half cried, tears stored away and a sore throat coming in.

“I deserve it too…” You whisper, more to yourself than to him.

“Yeah, but… We won’t be together.” He said what you never wanted to hear. A threat, a reality.

“So that’s it then?” A knot was deep in your throat, and your stomach was upside down.

Eddie didn’t know how to tell you, how to act.

Eddie stayed quiet, and let you go.

-

Los Angeles, October, 1987

“Last show boys.” Steve half sang as he walked into the backstage, three beers in his hand. The tradition that you had still standing.

“Finally.” You sighed, changing the third string from your bass once again.

“You could get a new one.” Robin pointed out as she took her first sip.

“I’m too sentimental about it.” You admitted, beer travelling down your throat as you lighted a cigarette, pushing the smoke out as she fanned it out.

“You’re sentimental about everything.” Steve half joked, the break-up with Eddie still left a sting on you everytime it was mentioned.

“And apparently you two are together now.” Robin said, as she grabbed the magazine that rested on the coffee table.

Steamy moment between the singers of Labyrinth on their latest show.

“Sure, I’m also dating you.” You joked as you grabbed the one underneath.

Labyrinth’s Drummer and Singer are they the perfect match?

“We are a perfect match, aren’t we?” Robin laughed as she pushed her head back, smirking at you as you threw the magazine at her.

“If you keep flirting with me, I’ll kiss you on stage, Buckley.”

“Now that’s a show.” Steve took another sip out of the bottle before talking again, a stupid smile on his face. “But who will kiss me?”

“I can kiss both of you.” You said, jokingly, your cheeks hurting you from smiling.

“Now that is a show.” Robin said as she raised her beer bottle, with the clinking of glass a small promise was made, and laughter and stupid stares were shared.

You did her eyeliner, and for once Robin stood still. Steve always loved to mess with your hair, making it into a controlled mess that made you smile to yourself when you saw the way you looked in the mirror.

It had been a little over a year since you left. Your hair looked longer, healthier. Your face looked the same, but older at the same time. The bags under your eyes now in a purple hue, from being on the road, your smile lines deeper from living with them. And your shattered heart slowly mending back together.

Steve chose to wear the jean vest that he bought on a little shop a few weeks ago in New Orleans. It made him smile when the owner of the small thrift shop asked what he knew him from.

Robin was more confident, so she started wearing small heart parches with pink, white and orange. This time it was a small one on her left sleeve, she kissed it before entering the stage, voices screaming as they saw her.

You choose comfort. The same lacy bra that you already had on, and an old sheer black shirt, left open. The same black jeans, ripped everywhere with the usual red lip. It didn’t matter, you thought, people are here to see Bowie, we are here to have fun.

It was fun.

You started playing your rendition of Magic Dance, and people sang along, cheered when Steve hitted the high notes and you the lower ones.

It was all going way to good. And when you had only two songs left, someone caught your eye.

Right there backstage, Eddie.

An apologetic look on his eyes, and fire in yours.

What does that mean, whatdoes this mean, whatdoesthismean

Steve clocked it to, a knowing nod and a soft “Breathe” that he mouthed to you as soon as he could.

Eddie was there, on your last show, and you didn’t understand why, but if he wanted a show, you might as well give him one.

Before you played what was supposed to be your last song, you moved over to Robin while Steve talked to the audience, and he tells them what he always does. How this means so much for three kids from Indiana, how a year ago you were playing cover songs and now your first album is out, and how lucky he is to be doing this with his best friends, before he introduced you, he looked over, seeing you whispering to Robin.

“Robs, do you remember Silver Springs?” She nodded, and looked at Eddie before lookin back at you, fidgeting with her drumstick.

“Are you sure?” She needed to know that you knew what this meant.

“Positive.” You said before grabbing her by her collar, raising her enough to leave a peck on her lips and making sure everyone saw.

The audience went wild, and Steve chuckled.

“Those are my best friends!” He cackled.

“Do you want one babe?” You muttered into his microphone, and while the people screamed you whispered into his ear. “Silver Springs.” He nodded, and gave you a peck.

You laughed it off, and it was your turn to talk to everyone, though you were only talking to Eddie now.

“Since everyone thinks I’m dating both of them…” You muttered, with a goofy smile as you fumbled with your bass, a nervous tick you didn’t know how to stop. “We are single though, the three of us, so ladies, call us, or dudes I don’t mind.” You smiled as you saw Steve shaking his head no, as Robin shook it yes. “Anyway, um… We are really thankful that this has been our first touring experience… If you told me that The Bowie would ever know who I am I…”

“So emotional” Robin joked through the microphone.

“Well yeah” You shut back. “The point is, we weren’t going to end with this one, but we started as a cover band, so it feels right.” As soon as the beat started, you saw the way people were whispering, and how some of them had clocked Eddie.

And for once, you were the main voice. It was your song, and your moment. And Eddie knew that.

He had come over, wanting to support you on your last show, but as soon as he heard what you were playing, he regretted it, he regretted it all. It was even worse when he felt your stare as you sang to him. You didn’t look at the audience, or at Steve -who he didn’t want to think about you kissing again- you were staring directly and deeply into him. And the words stung.

I’ll follow you down till’ the sound of my voice will haunt you. And he could tell that you were close to crying now, and he was also sure that you had never sounded better, which only made him more proud, in a weird way.

You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you. And he knew, in that messed up moment, he knew you did love him, and that he had deeply cut you open, as he realised that you would have loved him better than anyone else if he only had given you the chance.

I know I could’ve loved you, but you would not let me. And he was the one crying now. He didn’t realise it at first, and neither did you, but everyone else did. And as a cosmic joke, both of you whipped the tears away at the same time.

A shared moment that made you both smile, as you finally reconnected to the audience and the final note hitted, you let your body crumble into the ground, feeling the warm embrace of Steve and Robin. You had them, no matter what.

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut up, it was beautiful.” Robin half chuckled, half cried as you stood up and waved goodbye for the final time.

You mouthed a thank you and various I love you’s to the people that still cheered, maybe more now that they had seen you break down. You weren’t sure and didn’t want to think about it.

They hugged you tighter than before once you were backstage, and made sure you were okay before he came, with his tail between his legs.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

You were hugging yourself, your arms crossed across your chest, a shy look on your face, not sure what to say after that.

Eddie was still open, his eyes puffy and red, his throat sore from holding on to tears and the trembling hand you had left him with traveled down his pocket in search of his cigarettes.

He offered you one.

A peace offering that you accepted.

“I’ve been an asshole.” He admitted.

“Yeah, a bit.” You nodded as you lighted your own for once.

But you couldn’t lie to yourself, being this close to him, it sparked something back. A tingling, a feeling, a dormant electricity.

“I really want to be something to you again.” He tried being sincere for once. And you knew he was actually being truthful, his eyes locked with yours, his voice clear and without a trembel, and a I’m so fuckin sorry written across his face.

“I really loved you, you know?” You admitted. A bit of sweet poison leaving your lips. “I loved you and it seemed like you didn’t care.”

“I did care, I do care.” He tried stepping closer, but didn’t dare to, wanting or better said, needing to give you your space. “I love you too.”

He didn’t speak in the past, you noticed.

“Still do?” Hope in your voice, begging for him to actually say it again, even if both of you knew it wouldn’t fix anything.

“Still do.”

“You’re going to have to prove yourself, you know?” He nodded, as smoke left his mouth.

“I do.” He was lost in you, the way you let smoke out, the way you had taken a step closer to him. The way you were, there, actually speaking to him.

“One date.” You agreed, and his eyes shined again.

“One date.” He nodded.

A promise you hoped he didn’t break again.

He didn’t, not this time.

-

-

if you enjoyed it -i really hope you did- please reblog, comment or leave a heart, your support means a lot to me <3

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things fanfiction fem!reader #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #friends to lovers #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x afab #eddie munson x afab reader #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie x reader #Rockstar! Eddie Munson #Rockstar! eddie #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #Eddie Munson x reader slow burn #eddie munson slow burn x reader #slow burn #eddie munson slow burn #hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort Eddie munson #eddie munson hurt/comfort #Eddie Munson hurt/comfort x reader #st4

[salfishersface]

Arranged Marriage

Synopsis - The boys find out they are to be wed to you.

Warnings - SFW.

Notes - All characters are aged 18+!

Word Count - 1.9k.

{Caffeinate Me}

SAL FISHER couldn’t believe this was really happening, but he was ecstatic. You stood outside of his apartment door, drenched from the rain outside, but wore a wide smile on your face. “We’re arranged to be married,” you said to him. 

Sal blinked a few times, nodding his head lightly. “Really?” He asked. There was a slight mixture of relief and uncertainty in his voice. You nodded at him, smiling widely. Sal was wearing his prosthetic, as usual, so to read his facial expression was almost impossible but you could tell from his body language that he was excited. Just then, Sal pulled you into a tight embrace, almost knocking you off your feet.

“Happy?” You asked with a giggle, wrapping your arms around him as he squoze you tightly. 

“Very,” he nodded, breathing in your scent. It was all so overwhelming for Sal that he couldn’t help but feel dizzy. It was then that he realised how wet you were and immediately released you and pulled you into the empty apartment. You took in the surroundings of the apartment. Photos were scattered on the walls in a variety of different sizes and shapes. It definitely felt homely. 

“Thank you Sal,” you said, turning around to face him with a smile on your face. 

“What are you thanking me for?” Sal asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “I should be thanking you for agreeing to marry me!” 

“Well I suppose I’m thankful for your reaction,” you chuckled. “It was much better than I had expected. I thought you would be unhappy.”

Sal took a few steps towards you and you could tell that underneath his prosthetic, he was frowning. “Why would I be unhappy? You’re absolutely perfect.” 

You shook your head and let out a slight laugh. “I’m not, but thank you,” you quickly regained composure from your blushing face and looked at him with all seriousness. “I thought, because we didn’t know each other well, that you would take the news… badly.”

“Y/N,” Sal sighed, placing his hands on your shoulders and forcing you to look into his eyes. “You were nothing but nice to me in high school. Why would I be unhappy?” 

You shrugged and smiled softly at him once again. “I’m just happy that you’re happy.” 

Sal placed the lips of his prosthetic to your forehead and inhaled your scent again. He couldn’t believe that you were going to marry him. It was like a dream come true. After everything that had happened throughout his life, he never thought he would find happiness quite like this. He never even thought he would get married, let alone to you. “We have a lot of planning to do.” 

LARRY JOHNSON was surprised when you let it slip that you were to be married to each other while you were staying at his one night. At first, he thought you were joking. You had said it with such amusement that it was the only logical explanation. But after laughing your head off and taking another sip of the whisky you were sharing, you looked at Larry. “I’m serious,” you said, eyebrows narrowing. “Larry, we’re supposed to be getting married to each other.” 

His eyes widened at your words and he felt his mouth go dry. “We… We are?” You just nodded in acknowledgement. “Wow…”

“Wow?” You asked. “That’s all you can say? ‘Wow’?”

Larry shrugged, taking the bottle of whisky from you and taking another sip. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Larry, you’ve been my best friend for years! It’s weird!” You said, slightly agitated that he wasn’t listening to you. 

“It’ll be fine,” Larry said nonchalantly, shrugging once again. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his coolness to the situation. “When’s the big day?” He asked teasingly. 

“Larry!” You cried out loudly, palming yourself in the face out of embarrassment. 

“What?” He said, chuckling. “I’m being serious.” 

You mumbled, “we have to plan it.” 

“Well then, let’s get planning!” Larry smirked, sipping the whisky. You watched as Larry jumped off his bed and walked over to his wardrobe, bending down and picking up a box. Then, he made his way back over to the bed and sat down next to you. “This is my wedding box.”

“You have a wedding box?” You asked, smirking slightly. 

“Of course. It’s a big day, I’ve always wanted my wedding to be perfect,” Larry said with a drunken smile, opening the box. Inside it were pictures, scrawlings and templates of table settings. “Here, what do you think about this tux?” He asked, handing you a photo. 

You looked at Larry and held the photo up to his body. “I think it’d really suit you.” 

“I have almost everything planned, except for the nitty gritty stuff like flowers,” Larry said sheepishly. 

“I guess that’s my job?” You asked. 

“Our job,” Larry corrected. It was then that he pulled you close to him, your noses almost touching. “I’m glad I’m marrying you,” he whispered, gazing into your eyes. 

“You… You are?” You asked, eyebrows raising at his confession. Larry nodded before pressing his lips to yours softly, capturing them in a passionate dance. When Larry pulled away, his face was red from embarrassment but he was happy. Happy that after all these years, things were finally going his way. 

“I’ve loved you for the longest time Y/N,” Larry confessed. “I always have and I always will.” 

Your eyes widened and you nodded, “I love you too, Larry Johnson.” 

“I can’t wait for you to become Mrs Johnson,” Larry said excitedly as he placed the lid back on his wedding box. “We can look through all of that tomorrow, but for now, let's get some sleep.” You nodded and stood up when Larry grabbed your arm and pulled you back onto the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” 

“To the couch, where I always sleep when I’m here?” You asked, raising an eyebrow out of confusion. 

“Well, since you’re going to be my wife you may as well stay here with me in my bed,” Larry said with a shrug, pulling the covers over the two of you and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “There will be no funny business. I promise.” 

You nodded and smiled at his comment before relaxing, closing your eyes and resting your head against his shoulder. Within seconds you were asleep, dreaming of what was to come. 

TRAVIS PHELPS was not surprised at all when he had learnt that his father had arranged a marriage for him, but he was surprised to learn that it was you. Of all the people in his church, his father had to choose the person he loathed the most. You were gathering at the Phelps house for a ‘pre-wedding party’, for extended family to meet extended family. Travis was standing at one side of the room, wearing a black tux, while you were at the other side sipping the champagne that was on offer. Travis’ eyes met yours across the room and he immediately rolled them, not caring about how you felt when you saw his obvious disdain. You were about to walk over to him, cause a scene, when a lady you had never met before stood in front of you with a huge smile on their face. “It’s so lovely to meet you!” The lady said, excitement filling her voice. “You and Travis will make such a lovely couple!”

You wanted to roll your eyes at her, but instead you put on a fake smile. “Thank you.” 

“Where is he anyway?” The lady asked. You didn’t say anything, just pointed across the room to where Travis stood. His eyes widened as the lady beckoned him over and he reluctantly began to walk to you. When he reached the pair of you, he was immediately pulled into a bone crushing hug. The look on his face made you want to burst out with laughter, but you held back. “I was just speaking to your future spouse here,” the lady smiled, motioning to you. “You’re going to make such a lovely couple. May I dare say, have lovely children.” 

You choked on your drink. You didn’t want to think about children yet, if ever. Not with Travis anyway. “Children?” Travis spat out before you could even retaliate. “Never.” 

“Oh Travis, don't be so dramatic,” the lady said, patting Travis’ shoulders. 

“I’m not being dramatic,” he said, rolling his eyes. 

“Yes you are, love,” the lady retorted. “You’ll learn to love each other.” 

You bit the inside of your cheek as you watched her walk away from the two of you and Travis immediately stared you down. “This is your fault,” he snapped, pointing a finger in your face. 

“How is this my fault?” You snapped back. You were beyond furious now. “I didn’t do or say anything!”

“Exactly!” Travis was about to storm off when his father came up to the two of you. 

“Now, now. What’s going on?” He asked, narrowing his eyes.

“This isn’t going to work,” Travis said to his father. His eyes held a sense of fear. 

“It will work if you just open up your mind Travis,” his father said sternly. “This is happening. Whether you like it or not.” Travis scoffed and walked away, his footsteps heavy on the stairs. You looked at his father and sighed, shrugging lightly. “You should go and see him.” 

You nodded and walked through the crowd of people and up the stairs. You knew Travis’ room immediately, and knocked on the door. “Go away,” he snapped. 

“I’m coming in,” you said before storming in. 

“What do you want?” He asked, venom dripping from his voice. His tux was half un-done as he sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands and gripping at his hair. 

“We need to work this out,” you said softly, sitting down next to him. 

“No we don’t,” Travis retorted. He didn’t even bother looking at you as he spoke. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” You asked seriously. 

It was then that Travis looked at you, his eyes held an unhealthy amount of fury. “Because you’re unclean! I know what you’ve done in your life. You’re not worthy of being married to me!” 

You felt your heart crack slightly at his cruel words, but you shook off the feeling and narrowed your eyebrows at him. “At least I’ve lived a little!” You shouted back at him. 

Travis stood up, his height towering over you. You felt slightly intimidated. “I have lived. Purely in the eyes of God!” You rolled your eyes and stood up to match him. Within seconds, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled his lips to yours quickly. All before pulling away. Travis was shocked, stumbling backwards as his eyes widened. “W-What was that for?” He asked, stuttering slightly. His hand reached up to his lips, touching them softly. His first kiss. 

“Do you feel better now?” You asked softly, head bowing lightly. Travis shook his head and you turned to leave the room. “We have to make this work Travis. For our families,” and with that you walked out of his bedroom and back downstairs to the party. Travis remained still as he watched you leave, fingertips touching his chapped lips as he thought back to the kiss. His body felt warm, an unusual feeling he wasn’t used to. You would be the death of him, he knew it.

#sal fisher #sal fisher imagines #sal fisher imagine #sal fisher x reader #sally face #sal fisher x you #sally face fandom #sally face imagine #sally face imagines #sally face one shot #sally face x reader #sally face one shots #sally face oneshot #sally face oneshots #larry johnson x you #larry johnson imagines #larry johnson imagine #larry johnson x reader #larry johnson #larry johnson one shot #larry johnson oneshots #larry johnson x y/n #travis phelps x you #travis phelps imagine #travis phelps imagines #travis phelps x reader #travis phelps #sal fisher one shot #sal fisher one shots #sal fisher oneshot

[vinsmokesangio]

facetime call

pairing: tom blyth x bestfriend!reader x actress!reader

summary: you decide to “relax” your body and your best friend almost caught you. this is a second part of this au.

warnings: mentions of past relationships, f!masturbation, suggestive conversations | english’s not my native language | no proofread

genre: friends to lovers

word count: 733

masterlist

A few days passed after that “date”, where you and Tom shared the first kiss and confessed to each other. You feared your friendship might change after that, but actually it was going pretty well, at least for you. Tom still texted you, sending you memes and making facetime calls. The feeling was amazing, you really feel like you’re living a teenage dream, like that song. Unfortunately, past relationships still haunted you with your traumas. The fear of being left alone again always playing tricks on your mind… You didn't have the opportunity to meet your friends in common with Tom to talk about what happened between you both, but the last photo dump you posted on your IG account and the comments you've received from them might could’ve been useful for them to gossip about it in your absence. You’ve been really busy, finishing your drama school and preparing for the Christmas play which would be in a few days. Tom promised he’ll be attending, so as the rest of your friends and the thought of that made you anxious. Tom is a really good actor, and it kinda intimidates you, since you’re still graduating.

You went home and took a hot shower to let go your anxious thoughts. Have you noticed you’ve been thinking a lot lately? About everything? You can read the first paragraph again and take your notes… All the “what ifs” was driving you crazy, so you decided to take a breath and take care of yourself this evening. Skincare routine while watching Stranger Things for the third time, moisturising your hair.

No matter how much you tried to distract yourself, all your thoughts came back to Tom. His sweet lips in perfect sync with yours, his big hands caressing your body, hot and burning with desire. It was innocent and romantic, but the memory somehow turned you on. Since you were alone, why not take advantage, huh?

Lying comfortable in your bed, you let your hands help alleviate this feeling, letting them run down your body until you found the source of the heat you were feeling. Your mind masterfully reproduced the few moments of affection you exchanged with your best friend until then. The desire for months of accumulated sexual tension, the heat of his confession and the good feeling of conquest made you more excited and you began to pant. It didn't take long for your movements to become more intense, your breathing more shallow and you reached your peak. Letting out a long - but low - moan, you recover on the bed. Until you receive a facetime from Tom and shame takes over your face. You decide to answer, why not?

”Hey” - you say breathlessly. Damn, it would be hard to disguise what you just did thinking about him.

“Hi!!! Where are you? I’ve got news for you, Billy the Kid was renewed for a third… are you okay?”

Tom was extremely hyperactive and when he was happy, he seemed to vomit his words. But his euphoric expression quickly changed to concern as he watched you move a little on camera, your forehead sweaty and… wrapped in a towel?

“y/n, are you naked???” he burst out laughing, and you tried to hide in your pillow, but soon joined in with the laughter.

“Yeah, I am! I was showering!” giving up trying to hide it, you simply accept it and join in on his game. You notice his expression change to a more mischievous look.

“……….. Well, I've never had sex via FaceTime, but if you...”

“TOM! Shut the fuck up!!” then you both laugh again. That's why you love him. The way he always makes things lighter, making jokes, being goofy. He is your comfort. It's simply impossible to feel embarrassed around him, he will always make the mood delicious.

Tom then finishes telling his news, that the series would be renewed for a third season and he would receive the text soon. He was happy and you could tell from afar. You tell him about your day and a few minutes later, the call ends. You hang up the call and stare at the ceiling of your room, not noticing the huge smile on your face. You allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, you allow yourself to fall in love, and you accept it. Whatever will be will be.

#tom blyth x reader #coryo snow #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth x you #tom blyth #coriolanus snow #coriolanus x reader #giowriting #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[probablyhuntersmom]

I hadn't spotted these a year ago:

Oh my god, guys???!!! Parallels:

2. These are the same face - the Depression Face.

It tugs at my heart like nothing else, because...

3. Oooh never paid attention to this:

4. These lil' guys were moving and animated while sleeping here, aww:

5. The screenshot below, to me, is foreshadowing that Hunter may have expressed his wish to study at Hexside...but once that wish is actually granted, he too is gonna be depressed - at school, specifically - for months, and frustrated that he simply cannot be enthusiastic about classes the way he initially hoped. He'll push and push himself and judge himself for why he "can't even" enjoy lessons he's supposed to be excited about:

6. Do you think they took Hunter to the zoo's bird hall, before he carved Waffles (I personally view it as a good element of exposure therapy)? :

7. People usually put the S1 screenshot of Luz drawing light glyphs, next to the one with Flapjack fading away...but I saw this too:

It makes me wanna chew extra recycled cardboard about Luz and Flapjack parallels, specifically. Because of what they both offered to the world, if you think about it:

8. If Camila went through an outfit change like this in her nightmare:

Imagine the mayhem of Hunter's many nightmares with his many outfits :S

9. A really good reference for how Hunter healed pre-timeskip, is this sequence, where the order has been altered a bit below:

(who knows, maybe Willow recorded a lot of vids of him on her scroll T___T)

10. Wow this sums up the show doesn't it:

11. Ugh you can't tell me that...they wouldn't have had a similar-ish mirror scene with Waffles and older Hunter to these, if we had a full S3 or more seasons:

Him approaching a mirror with no palisman beside him...I can't imagine how that was in those horrible months. (Maybe he does this before heading out to conduct a Palisman Adoption Day)

12. I feel really happy, confidently believing that he unlearned this body language:

in the presence of adults, especially his new parental figures. Coercive control wasn't a dominating theme in his life anymore. And while we didn't see it onscreen, he would've found the space to even initiate connection via physical touch with his parents, like what Luz naturally does here:

I say "physical touch" specifically, because to quote @idlescree's amazing video analyses, Hunter's own physical body - not just his mind - was the ultimate and most intimate battleground for Belos to exert control, by possessing Hunter and using him as a puppet in the most direct way possible. So for Hunter to get physically close to family to express love after Flapjack's death, in spite of terrible spooky thoughts that he might still gravely injure others...that isn't a small feat at all.

13. I think his casual sweater is a plain gold colour, and his cosplay outfit has its yellow colour: because he's still influenced by Belos.

The black of the wolf tee and in the cosplay, feel to me like foreshadowing of his post-possession grief. Even after Flapjack is gone, Hunter still thinks about Belos and is still walking around in the same cosplay outfit. His newfound freedom and healing is reflected in his timeskip design (calm midtones of orange and blue): when Belos has no more hold on him via a painful history. We would see a progression from the predominant darkness of the black colour to those peaceful midtones on his clothing.

14. Best one saved for last! It's a headcanon, but I draw a few connections. @childlikegoblinqueen and I were talking about him likely returning to the place where poor Flapjack was slain, even if it takes a number of years before he can do so. Waffles will be with him.

Imagine...instead of running frantically in the night:

he calmly strolls during a beautiful Halloween evening, with autumn leaves blowing in the wind once again:

There are no horrors awaiting him, and very importantly, he can believe that.

And he visits the spot at the lake, and puts his hand to his chest:

but for once, he can smile while doing that specific gesture. All the times that he has put a hand to his heart in the show, he wasn't smiling (link). He then leaves and then returns to his family (walking in the opposite direction of the portal above) to have an actually joyful Halloween celebration.

#for flapjack #Thanks to Them anniversary #the owl house #thanks to them

[ficjoelispunk]

Hi Emyyy! ❤️

I’m completely obsessed with Be my Assistant, I’m a ghost reader most of the time, but I make a point of saying that this story is amazing, looking forward to the next chapters.

I also saw that your Requests are open, and I thought if you could write something about Joel being extremely protective... just an idea…

OMG! Thank youuuu. 🥹 Be my Assistant, It means a lot to me... I’m glad you’ve liked it.

And, sure I can write for you, it be a pleasure <3

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I’ll take care of you

"She never looked nice, she looked like art. And art wasn't supposed to be nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."

Summary: You needed to solve a situation that put you in trouble, your salvation was always around you and you never realized, you would never expect your salvation to come from it.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. Reader.

Wordcount: 6.4k

Warnings: Physical aggressions, canon, protective Joel.

Oneshot

A/N: Just to remind you that English is not my first language, so I apologize for the grammatical errors.

One of the few clandestine bars in the QZ was crowded tonight. Crowded bar in a QZ wouldn't be new, it's not like having a lot of programming on a night locked up in QZ. But it was clandestine because, you know, alcohol and the current situation of humanity awakens the worst of the human being, it’s difficult to maintain order when you have alcohol involved. So, FEDRA decided that ending leisure would be easier than monitoring.

You've never been here. You was accompanied by one of the teachers who teaching in the FEDRA school together with you, Denise, she was also your friend, or at least the person with whom you had the most contact here. And particularly, you was feeling so ridiculous for being here. But apparently that was the only way. Your only salvation.

When you live in an extreme environment. It seems that your whole mind revolves around extreme attitudes. God had already forgotten about you for a long time, you had been stuck in this place for 18 years.

It wasn’t as if before you had already gone through a training on how to survive the apocalypse, just as they did when the fire alarm roong in the school hallway sometimes for training. You were completely useless, if it wasn't for your brain. So, yes, you were stuck here, because it was a safe place.

It wasn't like you wanted to live in this world either. But you were here, you stayed for some reason then, it made sense to continue living one day at a time.

"It's the one who is leaning against the wall at the back of the bar"

You heard Denise's coordinates, but waited a moment to turn around and look. Unfortunately, the man was already staring at you. A burning cold radiated through your stomach as if you were losing the floor. You looked away quickly.

Ok. It's now or never.

You took a deep breath, taking the first step towards the man. Deviating from the people who crowded the unhealthy establishment. He was tall, his arms strong crossed, placing more emphasis on his imponence. The expression not at all friendly. His forehead formed a wrinkle between his eyebrows, which made his expression harder. The dark eyes, as if I could kill just with the look.

Your heart was racing, if it weren't for the music, and the buzz of the conversations, you could say that the sound of your heartbeat could be heard miles away. Nervousness, anxiety took over your body, your hands were sweating.

The man stared at you without even blinking. When you were close enough to him, you spoke.

"You're Joel, right?"

He studied you. Running his eyes through your body, without answering. He looked over your head, being silent, squeezing his arms more in front of his body. You wondered if you had spoken too quietly, and he hadn't listened to you. Or if he was really choosing to ignore you.

"Okay..." you hummed, looking at the side "sorry, that was a mistake" you turned around, to make your way back.

A man bumped into you. Joel pulled your body close to his, carefully, just in an attempt to avoid the shock between you and the man.

"Be careful where you walk" he growled at the man, who didn't even have the trouble to apologize.

***

Joel had seen you walking through the QZ before. The first thing that crossed his mind was, how God - if He existed - had the courage to leave someone like you, here, in this world forgotten by Him?

You walked so lightly that it was possible to believe that your feet didn't even touch the ground. Your features were delicate, gentle eyes. So soft. You were like a breeze in a field of flowers in the spring. Always stacking books in your arms. Walking as if no one could see you.

But Joel saw you. Not only did him see, how inevitably, him automatically blamed himself for thinking about putting his hands on you, feeling the softness of your skin, holding your hair, resting his lips on your neck, feeling your smell, your body on his, your warmth. For imagining how good you would feel with him. How good he could be for you, how he would do everything he could for you to stay that way, exactly like that, as if the fucking world wasn't over yet.

And now see you here, in this bar, in the underworld of the apocalypse, your angelic figure in a stupid summer dress, highlighting the soft of your breasts, your hair stuck behind your head, letting the rest loose fall on your shoulders, shit! What was the angelic creature doing here, in the middle of this hell?! What did you do walking towards him? Looking at him as if you were in pain... The things he would be willing to do to get you out of the middle of this dirt... take you away from this worm den.

Your voice was so sweet, that he could be selfish and ask you to repeat, just for him to listen to you once again.

"What do you want?" His voice was deep and hoarse, carried by the accent.

You turned your body to face him, while Joel held your arm balancing you so that you stood up again. As soon as he made sure you were balanced, he moved his hands away from your arm. And goddammit... your skin was as soft as he imagined it could be, it was a sin for him to touch something like you. You were so close to him that he could smell a lavender smell that exhaled from you.

You held your index finger, scratching your cuticle. Avoiding looking at him. It was almost painful not to be able to look you in the eye. He tried not to watch you so much, so as not to look like a crazy man.

"I heard you have pills, I need one"

Joel raised an eyebrow, looking at you again. Why did you need pills? You didn't do the kind of girl who used drugs, or who needed controlled medicines. You looked healthy, so healthy that it was offensive someone so healthy in the middle of this shit.

"What kind?"

"The kind that makes someone sleep. Sleep without the risk of waking up"

***

This man didn't even look at you. He seemed to be hating you with all his strength. Shit! You had never done that before, you didn't know how to do it.

Now his eyebrows were united. Maybe you didn't express yourself right.

You shook your head.

"Not for the person to die. It's not that" even though it would be exactly that "it's the dosage, the dose needs to be strong" you tried to explain.

He looked away from you again, straightening himself on the wall. It was as if he was disappointed that he had to deal with a person like you. Who doesn't even know what you needs, or what you wants to buy. A perfect idiot, who is making him waste time.

"How many?" He asked.

"How many do you have"

He looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'll deliver it to you in two days, after the turn"

You blinked a few times.

"Okay," you nodded, "where?"

"I'll find you"

***

You are a simple woman. So simple that sometimes the feeling is lowered to useless. You're not good with weapons, you know almost nothing about how to survive outside. Never - not even when you were in high school - got involved in a fight, in fact you were excellent at being invisible. Going unnoticed was your specialty.

Your tastes revolved around art, history, philosophy, music, cinema and books. No manual work, no engineering, no medicine, nothing that was really worth it now in this scenario.

But eventually, after the QZ was well established, you got a job at the FEDRA school, as an Arts teacher. That was your routine, teaching children and adolescents, what was art. Have you ever imagined a world without art? And an apocalypse with art? Yeah, none of these scenarios were positive. It was not an easy job, in fact this was the farthest from being something "risky" you came close to in your entire life. Teaching art to children in an apocalyse, it was like telling a terminal patient, to believe in a miracle.

Life for you passed in a quiet and tedious way. The only time you subjected yourself to something - in your opinion - absurd, was when you learned that one of the smugglers were selling a copy of Pride and Prejudice for 10 cards. It was the best.

Assimilating all this to cowardice is not that bad now, is it? You criticized yourself for not knowing how to defend yourself. For not knowing what to do in a risky situation. And now, more than ever.

Mainly because, approximately 6 months ago, a new battalion of FEDRA soldiers were reassigned to this QZ. One afternoon, Denise introduced you to her new boyfriend, who was accompanied by another man.

"Nice to meet you" you said shaking hands with your friend's boyfriend.

"The pleasure is mine. This is Maxwell"

The other man reached out to you. You gave in to the handshake, which he immediately pulled to his lips to press a kiss on the back of your hand.

"Nice to meet you, beautiful" he said.

The eyes running through you, as if you were a piece of meat.

Immediately your alerts were turned on, the discomfort ran through your veins flooding your body with an unconscious repulsion.

"I don't like him" you tell to Denise.

"Stop being paranoid, he's a gentleman, and his salary is great"

You made a face at her, who smiled ignoring your disgust.

Since then, you have practically run away from this Maxwell.

"Hey, Teach!"

The voice you try to avoid, entered through your ears and wrapped your stomach at the same moment.

You looked away from the book to the door of your classroom. Maxwell had his hand over the gun he paraded through the corridors, and a petulant smile stamped on his face.

"Can I help you with something?"

He came approaching your table, until he was in front of you.

"Actually, I’d like to make an invitation"

You sighed. Closing your book, keeping it in your bag, and getting up.

"Go ahead" you smiled embarrassedly.

"My turn ends now at 6 p.m., I thought I could accompany you to your house, who knows, eat something, I have some cards..."

Your eyes ran to the clock at the back of the room. 17:50.

"Sorry, Maxwell, I actually already have other plans, maybe another time?!"

You nodded to him, taking the first steps towards the door. But even before your hands could put your bag on your shoulder, your back hits the board hard, behind you.

Maxwell held your throat, while pressing his body on yours. His face so close to yours, just being separated by the beret flap of the FEDRA uniform he wearing.

"Do you think you can fool me? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Please, just..."

“Huh?”

He pushed you harder, squeezing his fingers more around your neck.

"You don't have any fucking plans, I follow you every night and you make the same route every day! Every time Denise invited you to dinner, you said there was an appointment, but you were at home..."

You were running out of air.

"What the fuck..." a third voice caught your attention.

The squeeze loosened, and you slipped down the wall, with your hands in your throat trying to relieve the pressure that settled there, coughing with the oxygen invading your lung.

Maxwell looked at the girl standing at the door, with her eyes snapping and her mouth open in shock by the scene she was witnessing.

"Ellie..." you tried to say, while straightening the posture.

The soldier walked towards her, but you held his arm.

"No. She's my student," you said with your hands on his chest, pushing him back, "it's all right"

"If you open your mouth" he growled on your face leaning over you "I disappear with you. You know that an art teacher will not be missed by anyone"

Since then, this bastard has been blackmailing you in every possible and impossible way.

Ellie was the only student really interested in your classes, she was interested in the techniques in paintings, the books you presented, you developed an affection for this girl, you would not be able to let something happen to her. Never.

And out of fear, an unreal fear that this man ended up implanting in your brain, you have been giving him more than half of your cards, with the thought that the cards will keep his hands to himself.

For a while, this worked, but now, he was bored. And he was furiously after you. The only way out you could think of was to disappear with him, before he disappears with you. That was the bravest act your brain could think of.

You would be ready, you would dope him and then kill him. And now you were waiting for the damn pills, to put your plan into action.

Your brain was so overwhelmed by despair and panic, that this was the best solution you thought of.

That was it, you just had to put up with two more days. Get out of class, and go straight home, as soon as possible, before Maxwell's turn is over, lock all the locks, push your closet on the door, and wait until the next day.

Your thoughts were aligned and you knew exactly what to do. You had passed by the library to take an anatomy book home, and study the possibilities of where exactly you should cut, so as not to make so much mess.

It would have to be like this, because you couldn't run away from the QZ, you couldn't report it, you would die. You would have to kill him, because it was the only solution. FEDRA soldiers die every single day. They wouldn't give importance to one more. Right?

Your feet made their way home automatically, practically running, while your mind rambling about the murder you planned. When a squeeze in your arm pulled you into an alley, lifting you off the ground, making you stumble on your own feet.

Your eyes snapmed with fear. It was Maxwell.

"Let me go" you knocked, uselessly, on the arm that pulled you. It was as if you were staping a wall, he didn't even seem to feel it. "Leave me alone"

"Your little shit" he murmured words over his shoulder, as he dragged you into the dark alley.

"Stay way from me"

He pushed you to a wall, damp, behind some containers of garbage and rubble.

His arm over your neck, leaving you breathless. His eyes looked like a hungry animal ready to devour his prey. While his hands slid harshly through your body, lifting your blouse.

"Let me go, you disgusting" you tried to push him, hyperventilating.

Would it be like that? Would you be raped here, in this place?

"You're a little beauty, I bet you must be all wet for me"

In a sudden movement, he turned you with your back to him, pushing your head on the wall, holding one of your arms against your back. You got dizzy, feeling the point that hit the throbbing wall on your forehead.

You were so disgusted, so scared, that your body disconnected from you, and you couldn’t order your brain to coordinate your movements to fight Maxwell, it was as if you were totally empty of strength. Incapable.

“That’s right, don’t fight, I don’t like to have a lot of work when you fight, but if you want, it will be more interesting...”

Maxwell squeezed your ass, before pressing his body on you.

"Stop, please," you murmured.

"Hey!" A deep voice echoed in the alley.

Maxwell, he moved away from you a little.

"Go away, man, I won't share this with anyone," he licked your ear.

You whimpered.

"Let her go" the voice was closer, you couldn't identify in the dark.

“I'm going to finish it quickly, man, you can keep her later, you'd better get out of here before you find problems"

"I told you to let her go" the man pushed Maxwell's shoulder.

He let you go.

Soon after, you heard the sound of a punch. You tried to concentrate, turning your body to see what was happening.

Maxwell was on the ground, trying to get up.

"Okay, man, you can get her first then"

Before Maxwell got up, the man kicked his stomach, keeping him on the floor, going over Maxwell, throwing several punches in his face.

The man raised Maxwell off the ground, holding his vest.

"Yeah, you piece a shit, I'm get her, but first I'll make sure you never look at her again"

He gave it one last punch. Releasing Maxwell's soft body on the floor.

He turned to you. Growling. Blood-red hands.

It was Joel. The smuggler you met last night.

Your eyes were snapping, you didn't know what to do, your whole body was shaking, you were hyperventilating. With your hands on your knee, trying to support your soft body.

Joel walked to you slowly with his hands trembling up.

"Are you okay?"

You got up, crossing your arms around your body. Looking at the disfigured soldier fallen on the ground, behind you.

Joel shook his head.

"Don't look at him, look at me"

Your eyes obeyed as if it were automatic. Joel's expression had changed drastically from a beast to a worried and cautious man.

He reached out his hand gently to touch your chin, turning your head to the side to look at you.

"Maybe you need stitches" the low and calm tone.

You frowned.

In the midst of all this chaos, you didn't even feel the hot blood running down your face.

Your hands went against the throbbing point on your head, pressing your fingers there, feeling the wet and viscous texture, bringing it to the front of your face to examine. Blood. A lot of blood.

"I can't..." you murmured, looking down, and back, as if you were looking for people who might be watching you "I can't go to the medical center, they'll want to know what happened, they'll know..."

Joel frowned, highlighting that expression mark that falls right in the middle of his eyebrows.

"You're losing a lot of blood" he said, without ever letting go of your face, his eyes examining you, his free hand reached a scarf in his jeans pocket, pressing the fabric on your wound.

Your hand grabbed his wrist, pulling the air through your teeth.

"We need to get out of here" Joel looked back quickly towards Maxwell's unconscious body, turning his eyes to you "I can take care of it, if you want, you won't be safe in your house, anyway"

It took you a while, feeling the small pressures he made with the fabric in your wound. But you nodded to him.

"Hold it like this, for me" he directed his hand to hold the handkerchief pressed on your forehead "can you walk?"

He walked away from you looking at you, looking for some more injury.

You nodded.

He wore the usual frown, one of his hands pressing the middle of your back, as he walked next to you.

Usually walking the streets was normal, no one wanted to look at your face. Today, on the other hand, there wasn't a person who didn't look at you. Joel, in turn, shot with his eyes every single person who took the look at you for more than 5 seconds, causing some to even cross the street.

You accompanied him to - where you assumed you were - to his house. He supported your elbows, helping you climb the stairs.

The apartment was not much different from everyone at QZ. But his was more disorganized. A small radio station - illegal inside the QZ - on the table, maps scattered on the sofá wear out. Empty glasses on the coffee table. Some windows blocked with wood. A layer of dust on all the furniture and especially on the floor. A yellow light was what made the environment a little more cozy, perhaps.

He pulled a chair for you to sit down.

Joel moved quickly through the small space, reaching from one of the cabinets, a first aid box - probably also the result of something illegal - pulling a chair in front of you.

***

Joel was not going to deny that he already imagined you here, in this apartment with him, but he never imagined you here in a situation like this.

Seeing your face bathed in blood was something that made his body boil. Your perfect face, now it would be forever marked by a scar, to remind you of that horrible day you are going through.

If only he could keep you by his side, he could guarantee that no one would ever touch you again.

***

"Have you ever taken stitches?" He asked, while taking some materials out of the first aid box. His voice was something comforting.

You shook your head, still holding the handkerchief over the wound on your forehead. Everything was happening so fast.

He separated a needle, thread and a whiskey on the table.

His hand reached yours, carefully moving the handkerchief from your forehead. The contrasting movement with the touch of his rough fingers, and the calloused hand.

"Let me see” he murmured, approaching your face, studying the wound.

You looked down.

"Okay, teach..."

"Don't call me that" you cut him off.

He walked away from you a little, to look at you.

Your eyes found his.

"Sorry" you looked down again "it's that..."

"All right, I got it" he pulled the chair closer to you, the inside of his legs touched your knees, he held your chin again "it's going to hurt, a lot, I have nothing to anesthetize, so I need you to be strong" He stared at you "do exactly what I say, can you do that?"

You nodded.

"Talk to me, I need you to talk to me, sweetheart"

You swallowed it dry. Looking at him.

"Yes"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I can do that"

He nodded to you, reaching for a glass, and serving a shot of whiskey, and delivering it to you.

"Drink it"

You obeyed, turning the shot. The liquid coming down hot, burning in your stomach.

He threw some of the same whiskey on another piece of fabric, looking at you.

"Ready?"

"Yes, I am"

He pressed the wet tissue with whiskey on the wound. The burning seemed to run all over your face. You frowned. Squeezing your fingers on your leg.

He took a pocket knife out of one of his jeans pockets, and gave it to you.

You held it. Doing things automatically.

"Now, I need you to talk to me, okay? Stay awake. If you are going to delete it, tell me first"

"Ok"

"Good" he reached the line and the needle "bites it" he raised your hand that held the pocket knife.

It was wrapped in a leather holster, made especially for the pocket knife. You frowned. Joel bowed his head with disapproval.

You put the holster between your teeth. Your breathing is getting a little faster.

“Three stitches, it’s what you need,” he said before getting closer, with a needle “ready”?

“Ready”

You don’t know how to say exactly what he was doing, but you felt the flesh being pierced, a colossal pain taking over your head. You stuck your teeth in the leather, with an afflicted growl, squeezing your fingers on the flesh of your leg. The eyes closing tight. It looked like you were going to explode.

"Don't move," he said with his face so close to you that you could feel his breathing on you.

You wanted to cry, scream. Tell him to stop, that it was all right if you ran out of a piece of your forehead. Just stop. It hurt too much. Tears were running from your face, but you couldn't tell if they were tears or sweat. Probably both.

"You're doing well, very well" he took a short break.

You felt his hands holding your left wrist.

"Give it to me" Joel brought your hand to his leg "I can handle it" he moved your other hand too.

You didn't even realize how much you were squeezing your own leg. But you received a slight relief.

Your breathing was trembling. He certainly continued, without warning, because once again the absurd pain of the flesh being pierced took over your senses. It was too much. You didn't spare Joel's leg, squeezing as much as you bit the pocket knife holster. Crying. Fighting against your own body so as not to move.

"Just one more" he said, "you're doing well"

There were no explanations or definitions for this moment. You simply had your whole body contracted, taken by the pain in such a way that nothing but the injury to your forehead existed in you. You couldn't even tell if you were breathing. The pain was so much that you could swear that your whole body was the wound. Your body started to tingle. Your senses were no longer responding.

You spit out the holster.

"Joel..."

You leaned on his leg.

"No, no, no..." he murmured "stay with me, you're doing well, stay with me, sweetheart, we're almost done"

You tried to focus on his voice. That beautiful and deep voice.

"You can do it, sweetheart, I know you can do it, just one more"

"Joel..."

Once again the pain radiated through your head.

You don't remember how, or when, it ended. But you woke up in a bed. Your head throbbing, your hands went up to press your eyes, in a useless hope of warding off that acute pain.

"Hey!" A whisper next to you, time you snap your eyes, jumping on an involuntary scare "calm down, easy, it's me, it's me" Joel's hands held your shoulders, gently.

Your eyes found his, tender and careful, you close your eyes and rest your head on the pillow again.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, releasing the grip on your shoulders.

"Pain"

He smiles.

"Yes, I know, here"

You open your eyes, he has two pills in the palm of his hand, extended in front of you. You frown, your eyes dance between the pills and his face.

"It's for pain, and to avoid infection. Take it"

You hesitate, but take it. Your fingers slipping the skin from the palm of his hand. You lean on your elbow, putting the pills in your mouth, Joel promptly gives you a glass of water.

There was a moment of silence, the day had not yet cleared up, it was night, probably at dawn. He didn't seem to have slept, sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"For what did you want the pills? That night?" He leans against the chair that was sitting, holding the empty glass you gave him back.

You look at him.

"Did you get it?"

He nods.

"Yeah"

You look away, staring at your impatient fingers that remove the cuticle chips from the corners of your nails.

"I don't have any cards here now for you..."

"What did you want them for?"

You look at him, swallowing it dry, hesitant.

"I..." you look away "I was going..."

You close your eyes, laying your head on the pillow again, shaking your head.

"Tell me" Joel leans in the chair, placing his arms on his knees.

You look at him for a moment, but you couldn't say that by looking at him. Your fingers press your eyes again.

"I was going to use them with him. I would dope him, and then kill him"

You take a while to open your eyes, after Joel's silence, you get curious, to know how he is looking at you now.

Joel didn't seem surprised by your idea, it didn't even seem to judge you. He seemed worried.

"Why? Is he bothering you?"

You nodded.

"How?" Joel clenched his fists.

You frowned. You grabbed your hands close to your face, and shrunk your legs. How if you shrink your body, as much as you could, would make you disappear, and next to you all this shame you felt.

"Tell me" he murmured softly, encouraging you.

"You don't have to bother..."

"I want to"

Joel extended his arm, so that his hands could move away a lock of hair that was on your face. So soft. So careful.

"Maxwell came transferred from some other QZ" you started "an acquaintance who works with me at school, introduced him and another friend, who is now her boyfriend" you felt stupid telling this story "since then he has been calling me out, but I always invent something..." you hesitated, holding your knees close to your chest "one day he cornered me in the classroom, there was a girl... a student who saw, I was afraid of him trying to do something with her, and since then he has been blackmailing me, and..."

You closed your eyes, shook your head, trying to move away from your mind.

"And?" Joel encouraged, he put one of his hands on your calf, trying to comfort you.

"He has been taking a good part of my cards, and I knew that would not be enough, that at some point this would happen... and I wanted to be prepared"

Joel nodded, his eyes fixed on you, the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

***

It didn't get into his head like another man could find himself entitled to attack you. Chase you.

He needed to have a lot of self-control to be able to hear your story until the end, without getting up from that chair and going directly to this Maxwell and hitting a bullet right in the middle of his eyes.

But no, dying is something easy. It ends easy. Living is difficult. And Joel would make sure that the last minutes of this man's life were the worst of his life.

You were right to think about killing him. Maxwell wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. And he wanted you. In all its innocence and fragility. Now, after Joel broke his face, he would certainly take revenge, hitting you, which was the easiest target, because, obviously, he was cowardly enough to blame you instead of solving things with Joel.

Joel wouldn't let you submit to this dirty work to win your peace again.

***

You sat down, Joel walked away a little giving you space. Your fingers pressed your face, while you got up, slowly.

"Where are you going?" Joel was right behind you.

You turned to him. Much taller than you.

"I need to go, I have classes to teach, and they can't be suspicious..."

He took a step in front of you, packing your face with one hand, while analyzing the bandage he had made.

"How are you going to explain that?"

His hot hand was so comforting, you fought against the urge to rest your head on his hand.

You shrugged.

"I fell"

He sighed. Deep.

"Thank you, for..." you pointed a finger at your head "I'm going to pay for the medicines and also..."

"If I were to charge you, you would have already paid"

You arched your eyebrows, and nodded to him.

Your morning passed with you having to explain how clumsy you were and ended up hitting your head when you slipped into your own apartment.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Ellie asked after class.

"No... I fell"

Ellie shook her head in disapproval.

"You need to report this son of a bitch"

"Ellie, I fell, okay? Everything is fine. And don't use this language in my classroom"

Ellie was disappointed in you, you knew.

"Pay attention to lesson number 2 when you go to do the activity, I'll see you next week" you said before she left the room.

You spent the day worried about the possibility of someone entering your classroom, to take you stuck or disappear with you after what happened yesterday.

To your surprise Denise entered your room near the end of the day. The eyes snaps, the face taken by a panic.

"Did you hear about it?" She asked as soon as she closed the door behind her.

You weren't good with lies. But you tried to set up your best face by surprise.

"No, what?"

She stopped in front of your desk.

"Maxwell" she said a little tired.

You arched your eyebrows. Okay, you knew, he was probably disfigured after last night's punches.

Denise frowned.

"What happened to you?" She pointed at your forehead.

You shook your head.

"I fell..."

She nodded, processing the information.

"Okay, then get ready" she said leaning over your table "Maxwell was found today in the late afternoon"

You arched your eyebrows.

"Dead" she concluded.

Now you didn't have to pretend surprise, because you were really surprised, the beating he took was serious, but not to the point of him dying.

"And there's more..." Denise continued.

You could feel the blood from your face being drained to anywhere other than your body.

"He was found with his cock cut off, and inside his own mouth"

You leaned against your chair. Your hands covering your mouth. Your eyes lost in nothing.

"Do they already know who did that?”

Would it be possible? Joel, would you have been able to do that? Did he do that?

"FEDRA is investigating, they won't leave it aside, kill a soldier like this?!"

“Maybe it could have been a firefly thing”

"No... Jared" - her boyfriend - "said this was premeditated, it was someone who really wanted Maxwell dead"

You were silent.

"Don't you know anything?" Denise was speculating.

You looked at Denise.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, you were always together..."

"What?" Were you surprised by her assumption "together? We never even want to go out..."

"What did you want with that smuggler that night?"

You got up, gathering your things quickly, putting everything you could glimpse being important inside the bag.

"Sorry, I have to go" you murmured as you left the room.

"Wait!" Denise shouted "Jesus..."

You ran to your house, for no apparent reason, you just ran. Ignoring your throbbing head with every impact his feet made on the ground. You just wanted to be at home, in silence, to be able to process all things. If Denise, was wanting to link Maxwell's death to you - rightly so - what would FEDRA do?

As soon as you entered your apartment, you can't help but drag the shelf to the door. Even if Maxwell was dead. Supposedly.

You took a long shower, trying to wash away this whole crazy story. You wore a comfortable outfit. He made some tea. Trying to ignore the fact that his head was in latent flames.

Someone knocked on your door. Would it be Denise? She used to come without warning. Would it be Maxwell? Resurrected from the dead? Coming to torment you? The stunned soul coming to charge you for your murderous thoughts? Would it be FEDRA, to arrest you?

"It's me. Joel"

You stood still for a while. Looking at the closet in front of your door.

Until your brain remembers how to order the movements, and your legs move slowly, taking a break for you to leave your cup on the kitchen table, before dragging the cabinet from the door, and unlocking the braids from the door.

You opened the door. Joel was leaning on the side of the door. You faced each other for a moment.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

You blinked a few times. Opening the door more for him.

He came in, looking at the closet that he certainly heard you drag before you opened the door to him.

"You need to take another dose of the pills I gave you this morning" he watched your apartment "and you need to change the bandage"

You nodded to him.

He pointed to your chair, pulling one for him.

You sat down. Joel sat in front of you. You took your eyes on him today. He was a handsome man. The slightly gray hair, the eyes although almost always hard, were now attentive and careful.

He took off your bandage.

"You need to always keep it clean," he said, "it won't infect, it's good," he made an observation to himself.

He redid your bandage.

He took two pills from the pocket of his shirt.

"Take it, it's for pain and infections"

You took it, drinking immediately, with tea that was in your cup. Praying that the effect would be quick, and the pain would pass.

"Thank you," you murmured "for… everything"

He nodded. Looking at you.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked.

"Doing what?"

"Helping me... you defended me from Maxwell, then took me to your house, took care of my wound... why? These things don't seem to be things you usually do out there..."

Joel tilted his head to the side.

"What do I look like I'm doing over there?"

You smiled, looking away.

"I don't know” you shrugged “I thought you were someone bad, aggressive, I didn't expect to receive your help, in fact, you are very kind..."

"Only with you"

You look at each other for another moment, the silence hovering over you. You wanted to thank him, do something for him... You got up, going to one of your drawers, and removing a number of cards.

Joel shook his head before you even got to him.

"Take it, please..." you held it for him.

"I don't want to"

"Please, I don't know how to thank you"

He got up. Holding your hands together with your cards. His big hands, covering up yours. You observe the injuries of his hands. Your eyes meet his. Comfortably in silence. Joel looked at you deeply.

You expected him to say something, but contrary to that, he let go of your hand, kindly, walking towards the door.

"Joel?"

He turned to you.

"Yes"

"They found Maxwell's body this afternoon"

He nodded.

"FEDRA is investigating the cause of death"

He was silent.

You took a step towards him.

"Joel?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Was it you?" You looked at him carefully, you didn't want him to feel judged.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Joel seemed to feel pain when saying these words.

You walked to him, held his injured hands.

"No... I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of them"

Joel held your chin, smiled.

"Had the wound clean" he advises.

You nodded.

He turned around to leave. Stopping before, next to your closet.

"Sweetheart, you don't need it anymore," he pointed to the closet, "you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll take care of you"

#joel miller x reader #joel fic #joel fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel the last of us #joel miller #joel miller fanfics #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller the last of us #joel miller imagine #joel miller fic #joel miller pedro pascal #pedro pascal #tlou hbo #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic

[twstmemories]

Can I request this but with the second years please.

-- ! i really had to go back to the original post and re-read the initial ask once again to understand what i wrote for that first one. but once again imma provide a few details on how i hc this language barrier myself down below for an easier understanding when reading through the second years reaction! (and oh god i never realized how many second years there were until now)

✧ second years reacting to a sudden language barrier between themselves and their s/o

✧ gn!reader

Crowley would provide you with some sort of device to prevent the sudden language barrier in the form of accessories most of the time.

The cast of twst wonderland speaks an entirely different language, but it's been easier for you to be able to type out simple sentences in their language then try to figure out what they're saying in the scenario that you forgot to wear the accessory with the translating magic on it.

✧ Riddle's eyes are incredibly sharp. So when he initially got to learn the news of your predicament, he would ask you what the accessory looked like and where you usually adorn it to always check if you're wearing it every time you meet.

✧ So every time you two met at the main street, he would always smile softly at you before his gaze would avert to where the accessory would be hanging from.

✧ When he doesn't see the item on your body, his smile turns into a small frown. It always puzzles him how you can go so far ahead from Ramshackle dorm up to the school gates and not notice that you can barely understand the students around you.

✧ "I really can't comprehend how you can be so airheaded at times, love." he mutters lowly as he grabs your wrist, glancing up at you as he can practically see the gears in your brain turning before your mouth forms into a knowing: "oh."

✧ Riddle only raises a questioning eyebrow your way, clearly not understanding a word you're saying, but your frantic movements says enough - you were quite good at expressing yourself through gestures after all.

✧ "¤£%€^Æ-" Riddle ignores your frantic hand gestures and merely grasps your hand in his before sliding a bracelet over your wrist, "There we go," he confirms, noticing how you abruptly stop when you're able to understand him, the dorm leader before you only giving you a smirk in return, "It would be unfit for me as a lover and a dorm leader if I couldn't fix a tiny problem such a this, right love?"

✧ He will be reprimanding you about the importance of such a vital item while the two of you head to class, just because you're his lover doesn't mean you're free from that after all.

✧ You're on your own.

✧ He will inquire about your predicament when it first shows up, and he would feel sorry for you, he would! But isn't it entirely your fault that you forgot such an important item in the first place? He's your lover, not your caretaker like he is to Leona.

✧ The moment he notices the missing item on your body, he just starts to tell you about his day as he stares straight into your eyes with a deadpan expression, just waiting for the moment it clicks for you.

✧ And when it does, he snickers when you let out a loud groan and turn around tio head back to your dorm - merely waving you goodbye before continuing the task before him.

✧ When you come back, and he notices the item adorning your body he snickers again, "Well hello again, do you want me to retell how the alchemy lesson went?" You're only shoving him to the side with a glare.

✧ "I would rather you do my homework if you're going to make me spend majority of the lesson running all the way back to Ramshackle," you huff with a pout, your hyena lover only laughing at your sunken self.

✧ "That's gonna cost ya, darlin," he says, opening the palm of his hand towards your direction, as if asking for some sort of pre-reward for your request. "I have a few on me somtimes actually. But if you want them I expect compensation for my time with some meals." he gets another gentle shove at his shoulder - because you're both aware that if you forget again and he has one on him, he would hand it over without even thinking twice.

✧ He's quite intrigued actually. The one factor that decides whether or not you'll be able to understand and talk to him is a mere trinket that you have to adorn at all times?

✧ When he first learns of that fact, he politely asks if he can look at said item, that turns out to be a simple steel bracelet. He can detect a faint sense of magic on it, but can't exactly pinpoint what sort of magic has been woven into it to help you understand their worlds language.

✧ While he makes small talk with you, Azul will casually unclip the bracelet to see how fast the effect wears out - and is once again pleasantly surprised by how quick you revert back to your native language mid-sentence. Any form of communication broken off when you tilt your head to the side in confusion when he asks you a simple question to double check.

✧ The merman finds it all very interesting.

✧ So on a day where he's not around you, he waltzes over to Crowley's office with his signature service smile. A smile that sends shivers down the headmasters spine. Needless to say, Azul does walk out of the office with a content smile and a folder of loose papers in his grasp.

✧ Doesn't immediately tell you what his plans are when he politely declines your invitations to hang out, but you don't complain when he instead gestures for you to hang out at the lounge - the drinks you order free of charge for his continous cancellations of your plans.

✧ Until one day when you come into his office, he's gesturing you over and wordlessly takes off the steel bracelet. You're about to question him when he leans over to instead clasp a necklace around you. A content smile on his face as he fiddles with the jewel in the middle, "If you were forced to wear an item every day to be able to understand me, it would only be fair that I make you some that aren't as plain as that steel bracelet, right?" he mused, smirking at your flushed face because you could indeed understand every word he said.

✧ Another fascinated merman. But unlike Azul's general curiosity, he's extremely curious.

✧ But everything on land intrigues Jade a lot, so he has been curious about you in general with the knowledge you're from another... World? Universe? He doesn't know, but nonetheless he's curious.

✧ And he's not secretive about it either. Jade has frequently asked you questions here and there about how your world was like and would compare it with the knowledge of the land dwellers he knows here.

✧ While he was made aware of what would happen if you weren't carrying a certain item at all times, he wasn't as crude to ask you to just take it off for his own entertainment and curiosity,

✧ But he doesn't immediately go and get your accessory the day you forget and you waltz up to him with a smile. Jade just merely blinks and greets you like always, but the moment you open your mouth and talk you can almost see his eyes widen with excitement over not being able to understand you.

✧ Floyd finds it weird that Jade seems a bit too excited upon not being able to understand you, but to each their own.

✧ After his initial big curiosity fades away, Jade would actually want to learn some phrases from your own native language, in return he'll help you get better at learning this world language. An eye for an eye they say, and the notion does allow the two of you spend time together.

✧ The first sentence he makes sure you memorize is both in written and spoken form is: "Please remember to wear the translator today," and he sends that message every morning whether or not you have school or is gonna meet him.

✧ The one who takes away the translator item just to see you struggle to understand him. The reason? "It's fun to see you struggle so much, shrimpy!"

✧ The stare of utter disbelief you send him each time he nabs it makes him cackle as he swings the aforementioned accessory around his finger like it's a basketball. The first few times you tried to reach over and grab it, but he only throws it to his other hand or raises his arms up further away from your reach.

✧ Only tilts his head with a smile every time you talk back at him, even when he can't understand you he can sorta guess what you're complaining about, there's not a lot you CAN complain about after all.

✧ His mischief is something that helps you in the end though, you don't know if it was Floyd's end goal or not when he first started. But the amount of times he's done it while striking a casual conversation to you eventually allows you to understand more.

✧ And the best part of it all? Floyd gets the exact same benefits by slowly starting to understand what you say when you get over the initial embarassment of speaking a language no one knows about.

✧ It gets to a point where the two of you are able to hold a semi coherent conversation while speaking two different languages, although it's mostly reserved for easy sentences that takes numerous repeating before you both can answer each other.

✧ Floyd does eventually get bored of making your life hard though, having gotten used to your small defeated sigh and halfhearted glare. The eel only huffs when you return back to your books, "You were cuter when you would try to grab it back from me," he says loudly. His signature gleeful smile seems to come back when he notices the slight flush paint your cheeks, clasping the item back to it's rightful place with a chuckle, "Oh? Shrimpy have become so smart that you're able understand that now?"

✧ Is actually distraught the first time he realizes he doesn't understand you. Did something happen? Were you struck with some sort of magic? Did you drink something that made you speak an entirely different language?!

✧ Drags you to Jamil despite your protests (that he can't hear nor understand). And Jamil just stands before the two of you with a questioning look because what is he supposed to do? The vice-leader merely takes a glance at you and you point towards your next where the translator accessory would usually be hanging from - and that's all he needs to know.

✧ Jamil has to be the one to remind him about what Crowley had informed them about your situation - something he had already predicted he would have to do because Kalim's attention was on relaxing you who looked a bit tense next to the headmage.

✧ Absolutely refuses to let you leave his side even when Jamil explains that you need to wear the necklace to be able to talk and understand him. Even when he's told it's safe, he still has you gripped in a bear hug. So the vice leader ends up being the one who has to make the trip back to your dorm to get the accessory.

✧ The moment it's back on your neck, you're turning around and reprimanding Kalim for making Jamil make a trip you could easily do alone even. But Kalim is just happy he can understand you again, laughing along amidst your scolding.

✧ Barges into Crowley's office the next day and asks about the magic used on your necklace. Kalim doesn't need to ask twice before Crowley's already handed the documents - and on the way back home he's already making a couple of phone calls with a content smile on his face.

✧ A week after he's barging into your dorm with a few boxes behind him, "We can't have the same situation happening again! So I asked the headmaster about the magic and had some help from my family to make these! It's all from jewlery, to even some clothing that u can wear underneath the uniform so it's easier!" You don't have the heart to refuse him when he excitedly pulls out every garment to tell you the thought process of it.

✧ Mildly annoyed at first at this predicament, but he doesn't openly display said annoyance on his face. It's not your fault after all, but he can't help it.

✧ But you're sensible right? You have some common sense, right? He knows you won't forget the one thing that allows you to communicate with the rest of the school, right?

✧ But as you shuffle closer to him before the first period start and scratch your head in apology, Jamil sends you the nastiest frown before he quickly composes himself - but you still saw that nasty frown and can only clasp your hands together in apology. Lover or not, a disappointed Jamil is a scary one.

✧ "This is the 5th time you've forgotten," you blink in surprise, pleasantly surprised to hear the disappointment in your boyfriends voice in your own language. Abruptly looking up to see Jamil only stare back with a somewhat proud grin, "I- huh? When did you learn-"

✧ Jamil only shrugs before he digs into his blazer pocket, gesturing you over to which you obediently do. He goes the extra mile to flick your forehead while he does so, you can't really do much but pout his way - you deserve it, and you're both aware of it.

✧ His next gestures are oh so gentle however, brushing a few strands of your hair away from your ear so he can clip on a simple earring on the lobe, "You've gotten into the same situation enough times and said the same things for me to sort of figure out how to word things, after all." he whispers as he adjusts the earring to stay properly on.

✧ "At this point you're gonna take all of the spares I have hanging around for you with the amount of times this have happened, maybe I should ask Crowley for something's that bigger and more noticeable in the mornings?" he mumbles as you continue on your way, glancing over at you and only raising an eyebrow at your confused expression, "What? Isn't it natural that I would have something prepared for you?" Dear god you think you fell in love all over again.

✧ The two of you rarely spend time together as it already stands, being that he usually spends his time at Diasomnia as Malleus' guard, at club or is off to dreamland. While you're either getting dragged around by Grim or running off after two troublesome idiots that you still call your friends.

✧ The few times you do hang together is when you stumble upon your lover dozing off, and most of the time are the one to wake him up - You realize that is a reward in itself, being able to see Silver's soft smile and a quiet apology for dozing off again.

✧ So Silver does treasure those small moments the two of you have with each other when you both don't have anything urgent to do, and a lot of the time you don't forget to wear the translator on you. (Or you have, but Silver isn't the first person you meet in the morning to reprimand you and as such you're able to run back to Ramshackle and get the item before stumbling upon him) Silver eventually forgot that you needed that item at all times to be able to understand you.

✧ So imagine his surprise when he wakes up and sees you smiling down at him. But his soft smile eventually drops to a confused frown when he asks what time is it, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion before opening your mouth.

✧ And he's not able to understand a damn thing that just came out of your mouth. But just in case he asks another question, he's greeted with another confused smile. It doesn't take long before you pat down around your neck and come to the realization that you forgot the item, but before you can excuse yourself to grab it. Silver is already up from the bench and dragging you by the hand to somehere.

✧ You try to call out his name and tug your hand away from his grasp, but dear lord he's stronger than he looks. You eventually find yourself in front of a confused Lilia, and while he beams at you at first - his gaze turns towards Silver who seems to tell him something while you're still trying to tug yourself free.

✧ Lilia only laughs, before he vanishes into thin air before Silver can even finish explaining. A second later you feel something being wrapped around your neck and Lilia appearing back onto his place with a smile, "Silver, did you forget that [Name] can't understand anything unless they're wearing that necklace?" he muses, and you can see the moment Silver connects the dots. You merely laugh when he whips his head around with a panicked look on his face, patting him on the head before he can apologize, "It's fine, Silver. I often forget mysef anyway - so don't feel too bad."

✧ He's still gonna feel bad, so now whenever he wakes up and sees you smiling down at him, the first thing he does is to reach towards your neck to feel the necklace himself. And once he confirms it's there he eases up and greets you. The feeling he got the first time is a feeling he would rather not feel again.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst imagines #twisted wonderland imagines #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucchi x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #jade leech #jade leech x reader #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader #kalim al asim #kalim al asim x reader #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #silver twst #twst silver #silver x reader #reader insert #DEAR LORD I FORGOT HOW MANY 2ND YEARS THERE WERE #FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE OUT HERE #not beta read btw but ya'll used to that hopefully mwah mwah

[ariicandy]

Crush on my best friend !?

About ; how modern!xiao, lyney, && scara got you to get a little crush on them (∩˃o˂∩)♡

A/n ; trying to write more on anemo boys!! && to get back on different style format, possibly writing a pt.2 on the boys side

It’s a well-known fact xiao was quite handsome && beautiful. It’s no surprised if you have fallen for him too. Everyone usually sees his cold demeanor, you get the soft spot within him. You have known xiao since elementary when he got lost being transferred to a different school, you helped him find his class and he thanked you at recess, it escalated to now being in high school together at hip! Even tho you both have completely different personalities, like one stays up super late/whenever they want while the other sleeps on a distinct time for a good rest. Now what will u do having to hide your crush on xiao?? It will quite difficult with all the other girls having a crush on him too and love/confession letters few times every week, trying to act normal will now need to be a new skill for you cause xiao will know by your tone of voice && body language. Keeping this crush a secret is hard between you both because you rarely hide anything from each other, you both tell everything about anything. Ohh, if only you knew his secret crush on you he always had since he first met you from that very moment he helped him ♥︎♥︎

Ohh how could you not fall for the charming lyney. I guess you can say his most well done trick is stealing your heart away. Lyney is a very sweet guy && person to talk to. You happen to become friends during middle school when you shared the same class with either lynette or freminet and wanted to get to know them more. When you happen to see them talking to someone you were unknown of, to which they introduced you to their brother lyney. Now you guys are in high school and have developed a crush on him. You have developed a close friendship with both lynette and freminet, the only difficulty part is now you have to avoid your heart racing when they bring up lyney or see him walking to you guys’ direction. All 3 of them can easily notice the small things out of you, looks like having to relax near him will need to be your new magic to not get noticed. Don’t be surprised when lynette or freminet talks to you privately about you acting strangely towards their brother lyney, did they already find out!? Better hope on the archons they have not yet otherwise you will be doomed. Maybe him wanting to talk to you all the time with being with you all the time has the same meaning of him liking you, yet, you don’t recognize it completely while his siblings are practically begging for you to cause they are tired of their dear brother talking about you all the damn time.

Oh just how did you fall for this man scaramouche ?? It could not possibly be because of this bratty personality, Orr you actually do see another side of him no one sees minus miss nahida. You are one of the closest person to him, helping him during his lowest point in life. You both met elementary during recess when he was lonely sitting alone, feeling bad you walked up to him and started talking to him. You brighten his day and forever changed him into being now friends at the same high school. Girls would always come ad try to tak to him and even confess to him, && his response is a mean cold scowl with a “leave me alone i don’t even know you.” Tho you are used to it seeing girls try their best but get ultimately rejected, it stings you girls confessing to him. Ridiculous is it not? Better hope scara did not see your facial expression change the slightest bit and tease you about it. You will now have to try your best on the amount of blush your face will show when he teases you otherwise you’ll be red as cherries! Ohh, maybe the reason he is rejecting every girl is cause he has his eyes for you!! I wonder how long this will last without losing one another’s mind♥︎♥︎

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact lyney #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin impact wanderer #genshin xiao #genshin lyney #genshin scaramouche #genshin wanderer #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x yn #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #modern genshin au #xiao x reader #xiao x y/n #lyney x reader #lyney x y/n #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x y/n #wanderer x reader #wanderer x y/n

[roarriita]

the chick from apartment 512 - ellie williams (1)

au

femreader!xelliewilliams!

content warning: explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, sexual thoughts

// summary: moving into your new apartment was fairly easy. you left ‘home’ with just your government papers, banking cards and whatever clothes you could find at your parents crampet and cold house. although the neighborhood was a bit shady and the apartment elevator made an eerie sound whenever it'd start up, it was all you could afford, and it beat crashing another night at your friend's house. move in day proved to be better than expected when you catch sight of your new neighbor. her auburn hair and green eyes seemed to be all the proof that you needed, to know that this new chapter of your life would be worth paying attention to and not just skimming over. //

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you walked around your new place and sighed in satisfaction. "this will do, for now." you spoke out loud. your best friends since high school, turned to you, one holding a worried expression and the other smiling from ear to ear.

"i'm so proud of you!" jesse came up from beside you and gave you a tight side hug.

"now are you saying that because you're genuinely proud of me for getting my own place or because i won't be in the way of you and dina's sexy time."

"(y/n), why can't it be both?" jesse asked. you scoffed but couldn't help but smile at his response. you escaped from his grasp and stood in front of the perfect couple.

"i still don't know how to feel about this." dina admitted. "this building isn’t really up to code, i mean, a rat literally corned jesse in the elevator when he was on his way up with your new microwave."

"babe, what the hell." jesse said, embarrassingly. "you said you wouldn't tell anyone."

"it'll be fine, d." you crossed your arms, looking around the floor in uncertainty before looking back at dina. "yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine! i'll just make sure to keep the place extra tidy."

your voice was not convincing at all. "oh, come on (y/n), it's not even just about the rats, the hallways reek of marijuana and booze."

"you smoke weed all the time?" you immediately retorted.

"well, that's different. i'm a homeowner, i can smoke however much i want without having to take into consideration how my neighbor from 3 feet away would react." dina said.

"i'm not even reacting dina. being friends with you guys for the past six years has built up my tolerance." you remarked.

dina groaned, storming over to the window. jesse, who was still thinking about the way dina put his business out there, spoke again. "i am never telling you anything again." he then went to the kitchen area, to look for a snack.

"look, there’s blood right there on the sidewalk." dina pointed. you sighed, annoyingly as you walked over. "and it looks fresh."

you examined the splotch to where she pointed at and rolled your eyes. "what are you? a detective?"

"no, i'm a journalist, which is almost the same thing." dina responded before turning her body back to you. "but back to the point, i don't think this place is right for you. i feel like you rushed into this. why don't you just come back with jesse and i until you find somewhere else..." glancing outside and then back at you, she finished. "preferably with less crime."

"no, no!" jesse said, with his mouth stuffed of hot cheetos. "i will not listen to another true crime podcast at 2 in the morning. i'm still so confused as to why you choose to listen to that stuff at 2 in the damn morning?"

"i get bored." you shrugged.

"ugh, enough with the getting off topic. (y/n), you're coming back home with us." dina stated.

"no, i am not." you replied. "i am staying here. i signed the lease, i got the apartment keys and i've already moved in all my stuff, plus the new furniture i had to buy to make this place look less sad. i am staying." after a moment of complete silence, you then added. "i'll also lose my deposit if i break the lease and i will need my 400 dollars back eventually."

"oh my god, if this is what having children is like, i don't want them." dina wrapped her arms around you. "i just want you to be safe."

you embraced dina back. "i’ll be safe, d. i'm a big girl who can take care of herself and if i do see a rat, i'll just call jesse over to coward in the corner again until it goes away." you then mouthed for him to stop eating your cheetos.

"asshole." jesse cursed under his breath as he turned around to put your chips back.

dina chuckled with tears in her eyes. she pulled away but held onto your shoulders. "promise you'll text me everyday and call at least twice a week?"

"promise." you responded with a small smile. dina hugged you again, this time holding on for a few seconds longer before pulling away. "okay, i guess we better go and let you get adjusted."

jesse gave you another hug and placed a sincere kiss on top of your head. "stay safe, weirdo."

"you too." you said as you walked them to the door. once they got on the elevator, you went back inside your small apartment and double locked your door.

you decided to spend the rest of your day unpacking and decorating. for the first time in your life, you were officially on your own. you were terrified of course, but a part of you felt exhilarated. you were the type of girl who went about life on the side lines. you were always there, physically but mentally, you were somewhere else. somewhere far away from the pain and humiliation being in your present-self caused you. and so, you skimmed through life. only taking notice of the big things, the things that were hard to miss and ignoring whatever didn't stand out. it was sad but it was how you survived.

a knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. you slowly made your way up to the front door and looked in the peephole. it was a delivery man. you hesitantly opened your door. "can i help you?'

"is this apartment 511 where a miss.williams resides in?" the man asked.

"you got the first half right." you tell him. "i literally just moved in today so i don't even know if that package belongs to one of my neighb-"

you stopped talking when the apartment across from you and a few feet over, opened the door. "sorry, that's me!"

"you're ellie williams?" the guy asked.

"no, i'm her- her-" the girl who didn't even know what she was, said. "her friend. i can take it for her."

"that's nice and all but i really need the owner of this package to sign a form first." he told her as he walked over to her.

the girl groaned annoyingly before calling out for her friend. "babe! he needs your signature!" as she went back inside the apartment, you felt the urge to do the same. the problem was resolved and your assistance was no longer needed, not like you helped much, if any, to begin with.

right as you were about to turn away, your new neighbor approached her doorway. you couldn't resist the urge to stare at her. she had dark green eyes, short, auburn hair and freckles all around her nose and cheeks. you could've sworn dina was the prettiest girl you've ever seen until now. she also wore a black tank top with grey sweatpants. "hey." her voice held a bit of rasp to it. "you need me to sign?"

"yeah." the guy responded as he held out his clipboard. you watched as her toned arms reached for it. your eyes then lingered over her long fingers as she signed the paper, and you could also detect some ink on the sleeve of her arm. your brain itched with the curiosity of what her tattoo was. once she was done, she handed the guy the clipboard back and took her package. "thanks."

"no problem." the guy responded, before walking away. your eyes were still on her arm since you didn't even realize the delivery guy had left. your new neighbor with the pretty eyes and cute freckles noticed you standing there as your eyes bored into her arm.

she coughed in order to get your attention. when your eyes met hers, your cheeks flushed. "it's nice right? it hurt like a son of a bitch to get but it does well with the girls." a playful smirk laid on her lips.

your voice was caught in your throat. you didn't know how to respond or what to think. you were already horrible with human interactions but even worst with girls who looked like that. "i- uh- i- um-" you stuttered like an idiot making the girl across from you lightly laugh.

absolutely hating the feeling of someone teasing you like this, you tried gathering up your composure and coming up with something to respond with. you smiled as it was in your nature to, it was like a reflex for the times in which you were lost for words. "cocky is not a good look on pretty girls." you scoffed before heading inside your apartment and shutting the door.

ellie genuinely smiled at your response and even let out a small chuckle before heading back inside. when you heard her door close, you pushed your back up against your own door and slid to the floor. with your knees pulled up to your chest, you cupped your warm cheeks and tried focusing on getting your heartbeat to slow down. first day, at your new place and you've already embarrassed yourself, how lovely... just so lovely...

━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━━═━═━═━

part two, here

// a/n: yes, this was inspired by an amazing song from selena quintanilla!! i’m not sure if i want to make this an official long-fanfic or just a one-shot but i really just wanted to write something new before starting chapter 6 of roommates. i really enjoyed it, especially writing dina and jesse. i’m definitely going to write more of them in my other series. anyway, thanks for reading and i hope your having an amazing day and if not i am sending wishes for that to change immediately <3 //

#ellie x female reader #ellie williams fanfic #tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams au #elliexreader #neighbor trope #masc ellie #cocky ellie #nervous reader #dinatlou #jesse tlou #dina and jesse

[tainted-liquor]

'Are We Still Friends⋆⭒˚｡⋆

E42!Miles Morales x BlackFem!Reader: Ingredients: Salt, tears, and a lil bit of sugar (angst n fluff) TWs: N-word usage, swearing, you need a hug frfr W/C:780 A/N: Inspired by Tyler, the Creator's song

It had been almost a year since you had spoken to Miles. You seemed as thick as thieves and even had a little blossoming romance between you two. But the day his father died is the day the Miles you came to love died as well. He stopped talking to everyone, he stopped laughing, he stopped smiling, shit he even stopped showing up to school at some point. For 3 months you tried to get a hold of him, ask him what was wrong, anything! You just wanted some clarification as to where your friend went.

But unfortunately for you, life ain't fucking fair. So he faded into the background of your life, slowly and painfully. A year seemed to pass by overnight, and like that you had...'moved on'. You found new friends, took up new hobbies, went through a mental help revamp, and changed your aesthetic up a bit. A part of you had even managed to convince yourself his thumbprint on your life was a fever dream from long long ago. But nothing could have EVER prepared you to be forced into close proximity again when it came to your AP environmental science class when your teacher partnered you up with...oh no.

Miles.

He threw you a brief glance, with not even a fraction of the warmth and joy he used to look at you with. You felt your heart crackle a bit as you took a long, deep sigh. You'd come this far and you weren't about to pry the scab off just because he gave you a look. You mentally prepared yourself when you saw him get up from his chair and head towards your desk, opening your computer and distracting yourself with Google slide presets and how to make the layout look pretty. He sat himself down in front of you, not saying a word as he opened up his computer and immediately got to work in pure, awkward, silence.

You popped your AirPods in your ears, turning up the volume a little bit to hear "Are We Still Friends?" By Tyler, the Creator hitting your eardrum. You chuckle quietly at the irony, rolling your eyes as you barely mumble the lyrics above a whisper. You watched through your peripheral as Miles's eyes darted over to you for a moment, seemingly reading your body language as you pulled one of the coils in your two afro puffs. He sighed as quietly as humanly possible, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the ceiling with that same nonchalant and slightly irritated expression. You watched as he closed out of the Google Slide, got up, and left.

He waltzed out of the classroom door silently, not even bothering to spare you a second glance as he closed the door behind him. You rolled your eyes as you finished up your portion of the slides before heading out of the classroom in the direction of the library. You didn't know Miles was there really, so when you walked in and saw him there you were immediately taken aback. He looked in your direction before nodding upwards, and beckoning for you to come here with his hand. You narrowed your eyes, sighing and making your way over to the table he was sitting at.

You sat across from him, face stoic and irritated as he stared right back at you. "So what, now we talking again?" You spat as you tilted your head to the side. "Alright, don't start with all that bul-" He began before you forcibly cut him off. "Fuck you mean 'don't start' with my bullshit, nigga? You ghosted me for a YEAR. Like, are we still friends?" You barked, face contorted in a look of rage and hatred. Miles sighed for what felt like forever, before looking back at you. "Look, I know. N I'm sorry. I never meant to shut you out like that...One day turned into a month and I started getting scared that you wouldn't wanna talk to me no more...so I just ran from it before it could catch up to me."

You gave him a sharp glare as you thought about what you wanted to respond with carefully. You took a deep breath before finally replying. "I really don't wanna end shit with you on a bad note, so I'm fine with talking to you again. Plus you still got some of my shit over at your house I need back" I huff as I dap him up. "Ard bet. Just swing by later, you know where I'm at." He shrugs with a tiny smirk.

"Bet, I'll see you later then. Don't ghost me this time!"

"Shut up."

#atsv #across the spiderverse #into the spiderverse #miles morales x reader #miles morales #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles #are we still friends? #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles fluff #earth 42 miles morales x black!reader #earth 42 miles x you #prowler miles #miles gonzalo morales #miles 42 #42 miles morales

[rreeaahh]

Lies | R. A. B.

Ch. 1 of "One way ticket"

pair> regulus black x lestrange! slytherin! fem! reader | > suggestion of james potter x reader

summary> in which y/n and regulus go back to hogwarts and are forced to listen to their parents' lies for the last time, only to be faced by new ones.

word count> 1.4k

warnings> toxic family; hypocrisy; rude regulus;

a/n> english isnt my first language, guys, so please forgive any error<3 that's the first chapter of my new series, "one way ticket", which is a slow-burn, so please have patience!!! lots and lots of love

“You better not try anything funny while at school, Y/N, do you understand me?” spat Cyrus Lestrange, his hand still on the back of his daughter in a fatherly-protective manner. “Don’t forget what truly matters from now on.”

“Yes, father,” is the only answer she deliveres with a smile on her face.

While waiting for the Hogwarts Express on King’s Cross Station, in the chaos and movement on the Platform 9¾, Y/N Lestrange and her father, Cyrus, seemed to be a lovely parent and his most precious child. The others probably think he’s telling her to be careful, to focus on her studies while she calms down her stressed dad. Truth is, however, that the two Lestranges have a relationship full of hatred.

“Don’t you dare disappoint me,” he mutters, “Again.” The additional word is like a punch in her stomach, nearly breaking her perfectly happy face if it weren’t for a woman to approach them, alongside her husband and son. That’s when his whole mood changes and he’s lovingly caressing her shoulder, arranging the collar of her gray shirt.

“Y/N, darling!” exclaims Walburga Black and comes happily to hug the young witch’s body into her arms. The woman kisses Y/N on both cheeks, and cups her face to take a better look at her. “Look at you, more beautiful every single time I see you!”

Y/N could see that behind Walburga, her father and Orion exchanged the formalities and her heart speed increases when she spots Regulus near his father. “Hello, Mrs. Black, it’s nice to see you,” she smiles sweetly and looks respectful at her.

“I haven’t seen you since… our little gathering,” she says. So that’s how she calls it. “I invited you to tea that time; I expected an owl from you or your father.”

That’s when Cyrus Lestrange intervenes in their conversation. “Hello, Walburga. I’m so sorry I couldn’t write to you,” he lies. “I had a lot on my mind and Y/N was too focused on her studies, you know how she is.”

The woman looks at her, very pleased. “Yes, of course.” Her expression looks hurt for a moment, but then she looks at her son, getting him to enter the little reunion. “Regulus told us about how you to got selected to be Prefects, isn’t that right, son?”

Y/N can sense his displeased to be forced to talk. It’s written all over his face, despite his polite smile. “Yes, mother,” he answers and when the woman looks at him without blinking, he moves his attention on his housemate. “Good to see you again, Y/N.”

Lies.

“Hello, Regulus,” she mutters and smiles, trying to force herself to hide the sudden urge to vomit. The boy grabs her hand when she offers it and place a cold kiss on her skin. Now she’s going to vomit.

“Look at you two,” Walburga says in a nervous tone, like she’s ravished with emotions. “I cannot wait for you to graduate school and make us so proud.”

There’s a knot forming in her stomach. Her smile is still there, her eyes are still sparkling with agreement but her heart dropped to her stomach and formed a knot that’s strangling her intestines. She lets out a nervous chuckle and subtly looks at the boy’s expression, as relaxed as she tries to be. “Of course, mother,” he says in a calm tone, putting an arm on her shoulder and smiling at her. Y/N knows that there’s a knot forming in his intestines, too, but she chooses to keep herself quiet.

Being forced to smile in his direction, to laugh lightly at his words and to be that close to him – without trying to kill each other – seems like a torture. It is, indeed, a greater torture to observe the look of admiration that her father has on his face while listening to all the accomplishments that Regulus Black had in the last time. She was better than him, and yet, she was not enough.

“They will work together wonderfully to serve our lord, am I right, Cyrus?” asks Orion with a serious tone in his voice. Y/N always had a bad feeling about that man, but she could not wrap her finger around it. She knew, at least, from who Regulus got that annoying personality.

“You can be sure of that, Orion,” assures her father, giving her a cold gaze, like he is threatening her to act accordingly to her new role. “I raised Y/N to be my greatest pride.”

Lies.

Her salvation is the train – the old and loud Hogwarts Express, which is supposed to get every student back to Hogsmeade Station, in order to begin a new year at Hogwarts. She turns back to her father while the Blacks are saying their goodbyes to their son, and she forces a smile.

He wraps his hands around Y/N’s shoulders and she cannot help but let herself feel like the small child that needed to be loved by her father, her only parent. And then, only for a moment, her smile in not fake anymore.

“Don’t be a disappointment, Y/N,” he whispers into her ear as he ends the hug. “Got everything you need?”

She nods. “Yes, father.”

“Good. I’ll send you a letter when there’ll be a need of you.”

She nods again obedient and grabs her luggage. “Regulus,” Walburga’s voice break the silence between them, “Help Y/N get on the train, dear.”

“With pleasure, mother,” he says and puffs the air as he comes near her. “Permit me, Y/N,” his gaze is burning her eyes as he grabs her belongings and invites her to follow him.

He even offers her his hand to get on train and them both wave goodbyes to their parents who stay there, on the platform, looking at them with loving expressions.

Lies.

As soon as they turn their backs to the train, both Y/N and Regulus exhale deeply. “That was worst than last year,” she says without waiting for a response.

She knows Regulus does not fancy talking to her – at least, her feelings are reciprocated. One difference between them is that Y/N is a talker, while Regulus isn’t even a listener – if he was, maybe they’d work together for real, not only pretend to.

Loud laughs from behind them makes Y/N turn herself from Regulus and look at the train entrance, where two boys are teasing a third one, while the forth is only rolling his eyes in annoyance. When they too observe the two Slytherins there, there’s silence.

“Look who we got here,” says the oldest Black and puts his arms around himself, only looking at his younger brother.

Y/N cannot help but feel just as embarrassed as the rest of the Marauders seem to be, like they are part of a private conversation between the two brothers.

“Sirius,” says Regulus in a cold tone, looking at his brother up and down.

Sirius Black is no longer dressed in shirts and black trousers, perfect from head to toe – like Regulus is – but now he wears jeans and a leather jacket.

“See you got yourself a little girlfriend, brother,” he laughs and puts his hand around the shoulders of James Potter. Y/N’s heart skips a beat at the sight of him, looking at her, at her eyes, looking at her like it’s the first time he sees her, and then breaks a little when he breaks the eye contact. “Let’s go, boys,” he demands, “We wouldn’t want to intervene into something… private,” he says in a suggestive tone and walks away laughing with his friends, walks away like he’s not missing his little brother at all.

Lies.

Y/N learned Regulus’ expressions. After all those years forced to spent together in the same house, same classes, same social gatherings, she saw him being hateful, bored, annoyed, even slightly happy, she can say, but now… She couldn’t say how he’s feeling. There was a mix of annoyance and… sadness?

Before she could say anything, Regulus changes his expression and looks at her like she is the biggest disgrace of the world. “Don’t you dare say something,” he warns her and drops her luggage right when the train starts moving. “Don’t follow me, Lestrange, am I clear?” he asks and turns his back on her, starting to walk away.

“Oh, but how am I supposed to live without you, Regulus, my dear?” she asks in a mocking tone. She lifts her middle finger in the air, as she saw the Muggleborns do to each other when they were angry and grabs her bags, turning around on her feet and walking away from him and his pathetic presence.

She doesn’t need him. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s better than him, than all of them, and she does not need to prove that to anyone. Not even to her father.

Lies.

#slytherin #angst #hogwarts #regulus black #regulus x reader #james potter x reader #slytherin reader #pureblood #sirius black #the marauders #one way ticket

[rayslittlekitten]

Want It

A/N: Don't look at me. This spilled out of me. This takes place before the movie, even before Annie. Not beta'd.

Rating: E (18+ ONLY)

Word Count: 3,913

Pairing: Dark!Ethan Campbell x Student F! Reader (she is 18)

Plot: Your dream of confessing your feelings to your tutor turns out to be a nightmare.

WARNINGS: non-con/rape, dubcon/coercion, obsession/stalker vibes, age gap, power dynamics/imbalance, mindfuck/gaslighting, blackmail, assault, degradation/humiliation, name-calling, praising, creampie, non-consensual photos, restraint, faceslapping, unprotected PiV, oral sex (F receiving)

DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT

GIF by @giveintogarrett

Today's the day. You can't wait to tell your tutor the great news and while on the way home from school, you were so nervous and excited. You also decided today is the day you're going to confess your feelings for him since it's your last session. Knowing that the house would be empty during this time, you took advantage of the opportunity. After checking yourself in the mirror, you head downstairs to the sitting room where he's looking through his notes.

"Hi, Ethan. Sorry, just had to freshen up a bit," you apologize as you walk over to him with an extra pep in your step.

"It's no problem," he smiles politely.

You sit down next to him and he scoots over to accommodate you.

"So how was school?" he asks, shifting his attention to you.

"It was great," you smile at him.

"Oh, yeah?" he starts, adjusting his glasses and looking at you expectantly. "So...?"

You both stare at each other for a few moments until you finally break the suspense lingering.

"I passed! I'm graduating!" You squeal in excitement, bouncing in your seat.

"That's amazing!" Ethan reacts with equal excitement. "Congratulations!" 

His arms spread wide open as he stands up and you do the same, stepping into his space and wrapping your arms around his torso for a full body hug. You hold him a bit tighter and longer, smelling his chest.  

"I knew you could do it, kiddo."

With your arms still around him, you pull back to look up at him. He curiously tilts his head looking back at you.

"What is it?" he asks, a bit concerned.

"There's... there's also something else I want to tell you."

"Okay," he nods, releasing you. "Is everything okay?"

"Y-yeah, of course," you sputter, letting your arms fall to the side and shifting your weight from one leg to the other. "Um..."

You look down at your loafers trying to conjure up the courage to tell him.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? I won't judge you," he says.

You look up at his sincere and comforting face and flash him a tight-lipped smile. Glancing behind you, you shuffle over back to the couch to sit down and Ethan follows. With his hands folded on his lap, he waits patiently. You take a deep breath and sit up straight, puffing out your chest.

"Ethan, I like you," you finally tell him, letting out a breath of relief, but you hold your breath again when he doesn't respond. 

He looks back at you with a blank expression and slight tilt to the head.

"Well, I like you too, kiddo. You're one of my best students," he says casually, relaxing into the couch. 

You try to read his face and body language and realize he misunderstood you.

"N-no, I mean... like like."

Ethan stiffens.

"I've always thought you were so cute and handsome and kind and sweet. You always listen and know the right things to say," you smile, and turn your face away suddenly feeling shy. 

You've had a crush on him since you first met him in the beginning of the school year. He's older than you. Not in an “old enough to be your father” kind of way, but his beard, brow rim glasses and slicked back hair makes him appear older than he is, which you prefer. He's so attentive to you and makes you feel special. Biting your lower lip, you gaze up at him from under your lashes. Ethan adjusts himself on the couch and clears his throat, avoiding eye contact. You frown when he doesn't react in a way you had hoped.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable--" you start to apologize.

"N-no!" Ethan cuts in. "I just... wasn't expecting this."

Feeling brave, you scoot closer to him and cautiously put your hand on his knee. He looks down at your hand and then back up at your face. 

"You're not like the boys at school, not like Ben. You know how to treat a lady."

His attention shifts back down to your hand when it slowly slides up his thigh.

"Ben? Your boyfriend?" Ethan asks.

"Ex," you shake your head and continue to inch higher, but he doesn't budge.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm overstepping." Feeling dejected, you pull your hand away and stand up to walk away.

"Wait!" 

You feel Ethan's long, thick fingers wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back down. You look back at him and notice a flicker in his eyes.

"I have a confession too," he starts and you give him your undivided attention. "I like you too," he flashes a warm smile. "Like like."

Your face lights up and you give him a smile so wide, it hurts your face.

"I think you're cute too," he compliments. "You're smart, always so eager and excited to learn. You have this bubbly personality with this infectious laugh, yet also so adorably shy and innocent." 

He scoots closer to you and your heart beats faster. He brings a hand up and caresses your cheek with his thumb. Your face gets hot at his touch and you look away again.

"I'm not that innocent." You look back at him coyly, now knowing the feelings are mutual.

Ethan is caught off guard when you climb onto his lap, straddling him and then pressing your lips over his. He freezes up for a moment but then you feel him kissing you back. You smile against his lips and deepen it. His muscles relax as he continues to make out with you. You flinch when you feel Ethan's hand grabbing your ass under your skirt so with your hands, you move his to your waist without breaking contact. His hands wander again and you shift uncomfortably on his lap, but then you feel him slide his hand to your front under your skirt and you flinch again.

"Wait, Ethan, s-slow down," you breathe out and then put your hands on his chest to try to put a little distance between you two, but he pushes you down onto the couch and smashes his mouth against yours.

His hand reaches between your legs again and you try to push his hand away.

"Ethan-"  you let out a nervous chuckle and try to squirm away, but he follows you.

“Don’t be shy,” he tells you, reaching under your skirt again.

“Okay, Ethan, stop.” You push away from him again, more firmly this time, but he pins your hands above your head and your body against the couch, feeling his erection poking you.

"Stop being a fucking tease," Ethan growls, hovering his face above yours.

You freeze, staring back up at him, shocked at his aggression.

"Don't be all coy now. You think I don't notice when you purposely crossing and uncrossing your legs, flashing me your panties, showing what you're wearing underneath your rolled up uniform skirt?" With one large hand holding down your wrists, the other hand caresses the top of your thigh under your skirt.

"Or how about dropping something in front of me and bending over so I can see your ass and the outline of your pussy lips under that tight thong? Hm?"

You don't respond. You simply look away, dodging his uncomfortable gaze when he leans into you but his face follows yours, forcing you to acknowledge him. 

"Just the other day, you tripped and fell on my lap."

"T-that was an accident," you quickly explain.

"Yeah, sure it was," he jabs. "Was it also an accident when you rubbed your ass against my crotch?"

"I-I was trying to get off of you. I was in an awkward position--"

You stiffen and your thighs clamp together tight when you feel his hand forcing his way up until his fingertips brush against the front of your underwear.

"Fuck, are you wet already?" he asks, impressed. 

Your body is still tense and he senses it.

"Don't be nervous. I promise to be gentle," he assures you, planting a tender kiss on your cheek.

You feel his fingers start rubbing you and you buckle your knees when he runs them over your clit.

"You like how that feels?" he asks, drawing lazy circles around your clit, making your hips twitch.

You're conflicted. You did want to go all the way with Ethan, but after seeing this side of him, you're not so sure anymore. You have dreamt about this day many many times, but this is not how you ever imagined it. 

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I know you're enjoying this. Why else would your panties be so soaked?" he says as he continues to tease you. "You're right about not being so innocent."

"I-I'm a virgin," you quickly throw out, hoping maybe he'll ease up.

"Don't fucking lie to me," he spits out and you recoil. "I know you're not a virgin. I saw you and that boy - was that Ben? - in your bedroom on your 18th birthday party, which frankly, I wasn't sure why I was even invited in the first place but now I know. I don't know if you purposely left the door ajar or you were careless, but I saw you bent over on your bed getting fucked so hard and..." A guttural noise emits from his throat. "I'll admit, I got so jealous, but since then, every night I've jerked off to you, imagining how tight and soft your pussy probably feels."    

You swallow hard as you stare back at him in complete fear. You're hoping someone comes home soon, but you know it wouldn't be for at least another hour and unfortunately, Ethan probably does too. He knows the schedule and it's been consistent for the last ten months. 

"I bet your mouth is soft too," he adds, his gaze landing on your mouth. You gasp when he uses his knee to shove your leg apart and then cups your pussy, rubbing you harder through your underwear. 

"Gosh, you're just getting wetter by the minute," he says. "I wanna taste you."

Ethan releases your wrists and as he moves down your body, you scramble away, but he quickly grabs your ankle and pulls you back in under his body and holds you down.

"The more you resist, the more rough I'll have to get. It's up to you how you want it. It makes no difference to me, but I do have to admit that the struggling makes it a little more fun," he smirks. "You're a good girl, right?"

"P-please don't hurt me," you plead.

"Shh, shh, no, I'm not gonna hurt you," he consoles you, nudging his nose against your temple, placing butterfly kisses on your face. "I promise you're gonna like it. Now stay put or I'm gonna have to restrain you."

You stay still as he makes his way down your body again. You look away when he lifts up your pleated skirt. He grabs each side of your soaked thong and peels it off of you, then down over your hips and legs.

"Well, look at that. No fuzz at all. Did you shave your pussy just for me?" he looks up at you, flattered. "Or are you always this pretty?"

You ignore his questions and focus on something, anything in the room to distract you as he spreads your thighs, your knee high socks and shoes dangling on each side of his shoulders. Your body betrays you when you let out a moan, feeling his mouth on you. His tongue expertly plays with your folds and alternately darts the tip inside you. Your hips buck when he starts sucking on your clit. You look down between your legs and make eye contact with Ethan. His darkened eyes frighten you. His whole mouth is latched on to you and his beard tickles your smooth lips and inner thighs.

"You taste so sweet," he says. "Just like you."

He plants a kiss on your pussy and then slides his middle finger inside you. You squirm but he lays his forearm across your hips to hold you down and insert a second finger. He pumps them in and out of you and goes back to using his mouth, lapping at your juices. His fingers dig deep, stroking you in places that are turning you on more, especially with the combination of the pressure of his soft tongue on your sensitive clit. You look away again and try to think about something else, something to block out what's being done to you, but you can't ignore the warm coil in your belly. You were told to always trust your gut but the knots you're feeling are a combination of fear and arousal and you don't know what to make of it.

Your back arches off the couch when you feel your g-spot getting stroked and the coil quickly tightening.

"Ethan!" You look down at him. "S-stop!"

But he ignores you and continues to jam his fingers into you while licking your clit, watching you thrash about. You reach down and shove his face away as you wiggle back. He adjusts his glasses as he looks back at you. Bracing yourself, expecting him to blow up on you, but instead you're met with a wide smile. 

"So you're gonna make me work for it, huh?"

You both stare at each other for a few beats, unmoved, watching to see who will make the next move. Taking your chances, you suddenly leap off the couch and head for an escape, but Ethan quickly launches himself at you and you barely take three steps.

"Ah ah! Where do you think you're going?" 

Ethan hooks his arms around your torso, lifting you up as you kick and scream.

"You like the teasing and the chase, don't you?" He grunts into your ear. "Just like a slut!"

He throws you back down on the couch and straddles your hips.

"You feel this?" He grabs your hand and places it over his crotch where you can feel his erection.

You try to pull your hand back but he grips you tighter, forcing you to touch him. 

"You did this.  And every time you fighter back harder, it just makes me want to fuck you even more. So you're only doing this to yourself, sweetheart. You wanted this," he states.

Your chin starts trembling as a tear leaks out from the corner of your eye.

"Shh, no, don't cry. I promise I'm gonna take care of you."

He reaches down to caress your face, wiping the tears away. You slap his hand away and try to hit him, but he pushes your wrists away and then backhands you across the face.

"Look what you made me do!" His jaw twitches. "I don't want to hurt you, okay? But you're leaving me no choice." 

He forcefully turns you over and you cry out when he yanks your arms behind your back. While holding your wrists together with one hand, the other starts undoing his belt. When he successfully gets it off, he binds you with it. He then positions you on your belly and pulls your hips back so you're on your knees with your ass up and face down.

"Would you look at that?" he says in awe.

You cringe when he lets out a groan of pleasure. You hear him moving behind you and your eyes get wide hearing a zipper.

"You don't have to do this," you tell him. 

"Oh, yes I do. You wanted this."

"No!" you cry out when he shoves himself inside you.

He hisses as he takes a moment to get used to you.

"Fuck, you're so tight," he grits.

He starts thrusting in and out of you, going faster and harder with each stroke.

"God, you feel so fucking good. This is better than I imagined." 

"It hurts!" you cry out.

"Relax, sweetheart. If you relax, it won't hurt," he tells you.

"Please..." you beg. "Ow!"

He moans as he pounds into you from behind, holding your bound arms for leverage. Your skirt bounces, flashing the curve of your ass with every push. You feel the uncomfortable pressure of his cock against your cervix each time he goes in, but the sensation starts to evolve to pleasure with each stroke. Your hips stutter when Ethan's fingertips start playing with your clit again.

"You're so. fucking. wet!" He punctuates each word with a deep thrust and that warm coil returns, making you rock your hips back a little. 

You're now confused at how your body is reacting because it doesn't align with how you're feeling right now. Each time he pushes in, you feel so delightfully full and crave more, but at the same time, you feel so disgusted and terrified. Maybe he's right. Maybe you do want this and did ask for it. You were the one who initiated this whole thing after all. You baited him, teased him, even climbed onto his lap like a desperate whore. And you're enjoying every second of it. Why else would his cock feel so good inside of you? Why else would you feel an orgasm building?

You arch your back a little more, stick your ass out a little higher, spread yourself a little wider for him. Feeling your body relax under his hands, he kneads your hips.

"That's it, take it like a good girl. You know you love it. You've been wanting this for so long." 

You flinch when he spanks your hip. 

"Get on your back," he commands after pulling out. He grips your upper arms to turn you over. 

"You're hurting me!" you tell him, feeling his fingers digging so firmly into your arm, you're sure it'll leave bruises.

"Then do what you're told," he snarls.

You try to throw your weight to get on your back while he helps. The buckle from the belt binding your wrists together digs into your back and you squirm to try to get into a more comfortable position. You look up at him with a tear-stained face. 

"Please let me go. I won't tell anyone--" you plead with him again.

"No, you're not because if you do, I'm going to release the pictures I have of you and Ben fucking," he threatens.

"W-what?" Your face drops.

"Yeah, on your knees, sucking dick. Spread out, getting ate out," he tells you as he starts unbuttoning your blouse. "Have you in so many positions."

A new dread forms in you..

"You'll be the slut who seduced her tutor. Saying you had it coming, that you asked for it. I mean well, you did. You came on to me first," he points out.

"And I really don't want to have to share your pretty pussy with the world." He reaches his hands inside your bra and cups both breasts, massaging them and flicking his thumbs over your nipples. "I wanna be the only one to jerk off to those pictures."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Tears stream down your face as you sob.

"What do you mean?" he asks, confused. "You asked for this," he repeats. 

"No, I didn't," you shake your head as you continue to cry.

"Fuck, your tits are so soft." Ignoring your protest, he leans down and pops one of your nipples into his mouth.

The sensation shoots down your body, below your waist. You try to shimmy to get away from him, but with your arms tied behind you and his weight on you, you're limited. He moves on to your other nipple and swirls his tongue around it. You feel a throbbing between your legs.

Ethan finally pulls back and grasps his heavy cock in his hand to guide it to your pussy. He pushes your skirt up to your waist and teases your slick lips and clit with the tip of his cock, dragging it up and down. Your hips jerk.

Finally he pushes himself into you, filling you up to the hilt. He moans and you gasp. He then pushes your knees up to your chest and starts pumping into you with short and shallow strokes. You yelp when he drives into you hard and fast.

"Shhhh...." He clamps his hand over your mouth and you scream into it while he slams himself into you over and over again, causing the buckle to dig deeper into your back.

"Shh, it's almost over,” he comforts you.

More tears stream down your face. 

“You like that don't you?" Ethan pants, his breathing getting labored. "You like getting fucked by a man?" 

You do, right? Afterall, it’s what you wanted, right? At this point, you don’t fight it anymore and just let him have his way with you. Like he said, it’s almost over. You might as well try to enjoy it.

His pacing picks up, his hips pistoning against yours so hard, his glasses start sliding down his nose. You feel that coil in your gut close to snapping. A few more thrusts and your eyes roll back. You moan into his hand and your hips thrash as you cum all over him. 

“There you go,” Ethan praises. “Fuck, you’re so slippery. I can feel you cumming on my cock. I’m gonna cum too.”

With all his might, he drives into you until he empties himself inside you. You can feel him pulsating inside you as he presses the head of his cock against your cervix. You scream but his hand is still silencing you. He finally releases your mouth and pulls out of you. 

“You got what you wanted. Can you please let me go? I promise I won’t tell anyone,” you ramble.

“One more thing,” he says. “Don’t move.” 

With a relaxed smile, he leans in to give you a tender kiss but you flinch and turn your face away so he misses and catches the corner of your lips instead. You notice his expression subtly hardens for a flash of a moment and then he pulls back, tucking himself back in before digging through his bag. He pulls out his camera and aims it at you.

Feeling vulnerable, you close your legs and turn your face away from the camera, but Ethan forces your legs open.

“You don’t have to smile for me, but I wanna see your pussy with my cum dripping out of you,” he clarifies, groaning as it leaks out of you.

You’re tired and worn down. What’s another photo?

He snaps away, taking various angles of you in your state. When he’s satisfied, he helps you up and releases your wrists.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” he apologizes as he examines your face.

You recoil from his touch and move away from him as you fix yourself to cover yourself and look presentable again. 

“I can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth of yours,” he says so casually like he’s talking about the weather.

“There won’t be a next time,” you warn him.

“Your parents agreed that you could use some college prep work before your first semester starts,” he explains. “I was already just excited to prepare you for success before I knew how you felt about me. And now? I look forward to spending time with you even more.” 

Ethan affectionately touches your cheek, but you don’t flinch. Instead, you stare into the nothingness as you process this new information.

“So, are you ready to get started on that, kiddo?”

#Ethan campbell #dark!Ethan campbell #the tutor #Ethan campbell fanfiction #the tutor fanfiction #Ethan campbell x f! reader #non con #dead dove #dead dove do not eat #Garrett hedlund #garrett hedlund fanfiction

[romancingromanoff]

Secrets & Sketches

Andromache the Scythian x f!reader

I decided to create a series of loosely related one shots for Andromache (my beloved). Here’s part 1 and part 2

Summary: You were always staring at her, not knowing she was staring back.

TW: None?

Word count: +5,100

Author's Note: Hi y'all. Here's some slightly domestic fluff before the action happens and the stakes skyrocket through the roof.

Despite never having lived with four strangers before, it turned out that your new situation offered you far more privacy than you had ever experienced while living with your mother.

The woman had a compulsive need to control every aspect of your life, from what you wore to what you ate. You were barely even safe in the bathroom. The years had taught you to lie with your words and carefully crafted smiles. Knowing what she wanted to hear from you and how you could appease her temper was like mastering a second language. Your skills in the craft became more and more refined throughout the years and your confidence ultimately grew. But you underestimated your mother and made the greatest mistake of them all.

“I know you’re lying to me! What are you trying to hide from me, you ungrateful whore?”

A picture frame nearly collided with your head, chipping the door frame instead of scratching your face. The glass shattered on the floor and your body jumped twice, once at the sound and another time when your eyes settled on the damage and found that your favorite childhood photo with your grandmother was destroyed. 

“Whatever you did, I will find out! You cannot lie to me, I am your mother!”

It was one afternoon you had wanted all to yourself to go see the movie Roman Holiday after school. The charismatic Audrey Hepburn, riding on a Vespa with the largest smile you had ever seen, caused strange feelings to stir in your stomach when you had first watched the trailer. She was a princess masquerading as a commoner in order to freely experience the wonders of the Eternal City. Oh, how you envied her character. Your mother, however, could only focus on how short her hair was. The shortest your hair had ever been was when you were a fresh newborn. Once it grew past your upper back, you were never allowed to cut it, despite all the other girls you knew being able to short styles. 

“How disappointing.” She scoffed when a clip of her getting her haircut played. “Such a beautiful young woman and she wants to make herself look like a man? I really don’t understand your generation, you’re all confused.”

When you arrived home late that evening, she refused to believe the lie you had produced about giving some tutoring lessons after school. It was only two days later that she found the proof she wanted. While snooping through your journal she came across the movie ticket you had pasted next to your latest entry. She burned the entire thing as only one portion of your punishment.

How your mother could predict your actions, anticipate your every move, and see through every single one of your lies you did not know. It was like she knew you and how your mind functioned but could never truly understand how suffocated you felt by the twisted ways she expressed her “love” for you. She was your mother, the closest kin you had left after your grandmother’s passing and the woman that had known you for your entire existence. The fact that she birthed you was one she’d never let you forget, yet you knew she would spend your entire life trying to mold you into something you weren’t if she could. If she could never accept you then how could anybody else?

Then you met Andy, who always seemed to be in tune with whatever you were thinking. Hell, she could practically guess your thoughts word for word without even really trying, yet not once did it ever feel like she was violating your mind as your mother had. You were almost completely certain that she was fully aware of the times when you were drawing her. It was impossible not to see the art in her movements. She’d be doing something mundane yet slightly active such as washing the dishes and you’d pull your sketchbook out. The moment you put pencil to paper she would slow down ever-so-slightly. A plate that needed maybe two wipes suddenly took four or more to clean. She must have known what she was doing to you, softly smirking as she folded laundry 

But did she know what it was doing to you? How intensely you felt about her and as more than just an art subject, more than someone you merely admired. Pages full of sketches, varying in detail and design, became dedicated to capturing the alluring domestic side of the ancient warrior. Every angle, every shadow was carefully reconstructed (to the best of your ability anyway) as if to preserve each moment and time so that your eyes may never forget what she looked like chopping onions on a rainy Tuesday evening. A brief moment that might be incredibly insignificant for a being that has walked the earth for thousands of years, but one that was still so precious to you. The time you spent together, even the moments everyone else might consider to be dull, were filled with color all because of her.

Why she allowed you to draw her so frequently was something you couldn’t quite figure out. This rather untraditional dance the two of you engaged in was never spoken about in words. There was no doubt that Andy would have said something much earlier had she been uncomfortable being drawn by you. A part of you enjoyed entertaining the idea that, perhaps in some small way, Andy might actually return your feelings. But at the same time, you didn’t want to be wrong and come off as an artistic creep trying to invade her privacy.

The good thing was you never had to worry about any of the others looking through your sketchbook. The one time Joe had asked if he could take a peek it hadn’t even crossed your mind that you could have said ‘no’ to him. But the smallest bit of hesitance that he had seen in your eyes as you prepared to hand over your most personal and sacred treasure immediately stopped him.

“Y/N, you don’t actually have to show me anything if you don’t want to. I was merely curious but no part of me would be offended if you want to keep your art to yourself. I will always respect your privacy first.”

His words were almost foreign to you, like ones you had only ever read on pages and later discovered were pronounced completely differently when you finally heard them spoken out loud. Still, you knew Joe meant everything he said. Though all of your new companions were certainly capable of it, none of them had ever once tried to deceive you or keep you hidden from the truth. Previously living with a pathological liar had taught you all the signs you needed to know and not once had you found a single one since joining the old guard.

It was a bit startling how safe you already felt with these few strangers you had only met a few short weeks ago. You could talk to all of them about (almost) anything, although you did worry that your endless amount of questions might annoy any one of the unnaturally older beings. Sometimes you nearly cringed at the thought of how ignorant and stupid you must have appeared in their eyes. It mostly motivated you to contribute where you could. Cooking and cleaning were not tasks you necessarily enjoyed, but it felt nice to make some type of contribution to the team. Still, you longed to prove yourself as something more, to help save lives and make Andy, Booker, Joe, and Nico proud. And maybe, just maybe, if you became worthy enough of someone like your rescuer, she might look at you differently.

┊ ┊┊ 

It was nearing morning hours and your endless thoughts hadn’t allowed you to sleep yet. There was a buzzing in your body, making it impossible to fully relax, even though you knew you had a busy day of training ahead of you and you needed the rest. You tried to conjure up the comforting sound of Andy’s steady heartbeat as you imagined her lying next to you, only to grow even more anxious when you began feeling guilty for indulging in such thoughts. 

Did she even like women the way you did? You certainly had your suspicions and noticed the way her heart seemed to break anytime there was a mention of Quynh. The necklace that never left her neck also appeared to hold a great amount of pain and significance to her. But even if you were right, Andy had never brought up any details regarding her love life and you were determined to respect that undiscussed boundary. The tossing and turning was just an unfortunate side effect that eventually had you cave in and get up to grab a drink from the kitchen. 

“Can’t sleep?” The voice of the very person you had been thinking of came from behind you as soon as you had turned on a small lamp. You let out a nervous laugh and kept a steady hand on your chest when you caught her smiling directly at you. It made you take some extra time while getting your glass of water so that your heartbeat had a chance to settle.

Andy sat at the bar sipping on a mug of coffee. Even with the light being so dim, you didn’t need it to tell her beverage was completely black. 

“I still don’t know how you’re able to drink that. Every time I try it it’s like trying to swallow hot liquid dirt.”

“Really?” The Scythian chuckled and you prayed the darkness would hide your melted expression. “That’s surprising considering how you drown yours in milk and sugar.”

“Hey, we can’t all be as tough as you.” 

“No one said you had to be. No one said you weren’t already.” You supposed you were tough in the context of being able to override death itself, but besides that, it wasn’t a character trait you ever considered yourself to have. Even the immortality thing was basically a fluke. 

The dark haired woman gestured for you to sit down and you awkwardly lowered yourself into the chair across from her. Your glass of water looked silly standing next to her more refined drink. “Yeah, that’s me. I got tough hands covered in paper cuts and callouses from drawing.”

“Art is tough for a lot of people. It’s tough for me. I could never quite get the emotional vulnerability part down and I feel like all the best art pulls from that. I would say you could probably teach me a thing or two about drawing but you have something more inborn than that. It can’t be taught.”

“But you’ve never seen my work?” Had she? You didn’t think she’d go through your things without your permission but there was definiteness in her tone that told you her words were true. 

“No,” she shrugged. Nothing in her seemed to waver. “I don’t need to. There’s this look you get in your eyes when you’re completely focused on drawing that seems to transport you to this different world. I always wonder where you go but don’t want to tear you away when you’re clearly inspired.”

You had been staring at her for so long believing that she was merely tolerating your strange behavior. You assumed she simply felt unbothered. The idea that she might have been secretly staring back never once crossed your mind. 

“You… You watch me?” A beat passed and your brain short circuited, unsure of what kind of answer you even hoped to hear. If she did then was it with the same unspoken desire you held in your heart that you could be worthy of her one day? No, it had to be something far from that. Your awkward, uncoordinated behavior could only be considered entertaining at best if Andy didn’t find you pitiable. You imagined it was like watching your neighbor’s beagle after they arrived home from a medical procedure at the vet. The poor thing was so loopy yet unaware that he couldn’t walk in a straight line. Every few steps he took he’d also crumble to the floor before eagerly trying to get back up and making another attempt with the same results. That’s what she must see whenever she saw you trip over your own feet. Or how silly you looked the other day when Booker tried to show you how to hold a pistol and you shook so hard that it fumbled out of your hands.

Even with all the time in the world, it was a struggle to see yourself ever truly earning your place among the rest of the guard one day. You not only lacked combat experience but had been thoroughly sheltered from the world by your mother. She hadn’t allowed you to participate in any sports, not even the more feminine ones like dance or golf. The result was barely being able to do a push-up and having the wind knocked out of your lungs after only a brief jog. 

The others had started you off with some basic self defense techniques, which caused you to wake up with sore muscles you hadn’t even known existed. Everyone was extremely patient with you, stressing the importance of slowly building up your strength and reminding you that there was no rush to suddenly reach their skill level when they’d been fighting for longer than some of the strongest empires had lasted. But then you’d watch them training together or listen to one of them recount several of the missions they completed while you were stuck waiting in the safe house. They were out there saving lives, as well as literally sacrificing their own, while you could only hope to one day do the same. 

In the back of your head you could hear your mother berating you for having such ridiculous dreams. If she could see you struggling to learn a pull up she would certainly laugh at your miserable attempts. But Andy didn’t look at you like you were “perfectly pathetic” as your mother often described. No, she seemed to stare at you softly, which made you feel like you were the only person she was thinking about. 

“I find you interesting. More specifically, it’s been a pleasure to watch you grow into yourself these past few weeks. You look much more relaxed.”

You were fairly relaxed, aside from the fact that your heart was currently threatening to jump out of your chest. Or if physicists could somehow harness its energy then it could power the entire world. She had just admitted to finding you interesting and you were supposed to answer back in words. You took a painfully slow drink.

“Well, it has been nice being able to make my own decisions and not have someone constantly looking over my shoulder.” You think back to an instance where you were recently baking a lemon glaze cake for the team and some icing stuck to your fingers. Immediately, you went to wash your hands as your mother would have insisted upon when it occurred to you that she no longer had control over you. Licking your fingers after that had never felt so satisfying. “Even the little choices I’m able to make now are kind of exciting. Is that strange to say?”

“Not at all.” Andy shook her head. “It’s a beautiful thing, seeing how far you’ve come in such a short amount of time. Not to mention how glad I am that you feel safe enough around us to be yourself.”

A pang of guilt ran through you. What must she think of you if you were keeping cryptic drawings of her a secret? “I really do, which is why I don’t want you to believe I’m trying to hide things from you! Not forever, at least. I trust you, and perhaps it’s more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else. But with my drawings… I suppose it’s rather complicated and I’ve never willingly shown them to anyone before. They’re nothing inappropriate, though! I would never do anything like that.”

Before you could completely melt into a puddle of despair, Andy reached for your forearm, anchoring the two of you together while helping to calm you down. Her hand was warmed from holding her hot mug.

“Hey, it’s alright, I trust you too. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I’m flattered about the drawings and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I can wait until you’re ready to show them to me when you feel comfortable doing so.”

It was completely vexatious how patient Andy could be with you, or how she always seemed to know the right thing to say to make you feel better. She possessed the ability to soothe the fears you understood intimately along with the others which you had tried to suppress and nearly forgotten about. You simply weren’t used to being treated in such a way. 

“How are you so patient with me all the time?” Your question came off more irritated than you intended, making you cringe inwardly. You weren’t even sure what you were really asking about.

In the few moments it took Andy to start processing the question, your thoughts finally began to come together and spill out all at once.

“I’m deeply appreciative of how understanding you’ve been, don’t get me wrong, but when I imagine myself in your position, it must be frustrating. You do so much for me, all four of you do, but you especially. I’m always needing your help with countless things even though I have nothing of use to offer in return. You’re all incredibly worldly people, capable of doing more than I ever have even before your first deaths. I’ve been kept sheltered my entire life and probably wouldn’t last a day on my own. Having me join the team probably feels a lot more like babysitting than anything else, yet you never complain about it.”

Even though you knew it wasn’t in her nature, sometimes you wished she would allow herself to be angry with you. Or if she even expressed the slightest bit of irritation then that might make you feel better somehow. You waited for Andy to tell you that you sounded ridiculous, or to make another comment about your tendency to overthink things. Nothing like that ever came.

In one swift, breathtaking movement, her hand carefully tilted your chin up towards her face so that you were caught in her stare. The skin of her thumb was rough and her green-blue eyes bore into your own, tender yet determined as they searched for something deep in your soul. Though her touch was completely innocent, it was also intensely intimate from your perspective at least. You wanted to bear your entire being to her, consciously preparing your mind and body to take in whatever words she was about to say.

“Y/N, listen to me. There is nothing you owe me. Relationships aren���t transactional and I enjoy being able to help you. You also didn’t choose this life and I can’t hold what you don’t know against you. I won’t lie and say patience comes to me easily. Truthfully, when you get to my age everything is frustrating. I’ve seen… far too much in my life aside from any type of explanation for it all and it has made me bitter. But you don’t deserve any of that and I don’t want to be that type of person anymore. I don’t ever want to turn my back on people I care about again.”

Her eyes glossed over with the hue of a haunting memory, something from her past clearly bothering her. She let go of you in the crest of the emotion and you nearly whimpered when you lost her touch, but found the rare opportunity to offer Andy the comfort she needed. 

“I may not know much in the grand scheme of things, but I know you’re not bitter. Truly bitter people try to tear down everyone around them because there’s nothing misery loves more than company. You’re nothing like my mother, she wanted to control me and keep me trapped in a life where I could never have my own happiness. You set me free. Anyway, it would be hard to live as long as you have, see the things that you’ve seen, and not become discouraged with all of the wickedness that has happened throughout history. What matters is that you’ve continued to fight for others that wouldn’t normally stand a chance on their own. If you were actually as bitter as you think, you could turn your back on everyone without a single care in the world. I see how much you care for others, Andy. Bitter people only care about themselves and I don’t see how you can believe you’re one of them.”

The fact that you were so young was partially why Andy felt the need to hold herself back and take things slow with you. Although your life would never be normal, she wanted to give you the chance to choose your own path and chase whatever dreams you fancied. Right now, it was crucial to prepare you for the world and to teach you how to keep your shared secret safe. But she knew you’d want to adventure out on your own at some point, and that you’d probably want to experiment with other partners closer to your age. Andy was aware of the baggage she carried, as well as the fact that the nature of your relationship meant she held a type of influence over you. She would never allow herself to take advantage of you like that.

But one thing she couldn’t let you do was downplay yourself, not when your words touched her in ways she hadn’t felt in thousands of years.

“Do you really believe you’re of no use at all and have nothing to offer? Y/N, I’ve traveled to every corner of the world and met the wisest individuals that still led directionless and unfulfilled lives. They thought of themselves too highly, pushed others away, and in the end their knowledge meant nothing when they were unable to make meaningful connections. You have all the time you need to perfect your knowledge and learn every skill that exists or will develop in the future.” 

Your head tilted in perplexity. 

“What? You think we had phones or electricity back when I was growing up? I didn’t learn how to drive a car until late last century. It was really like the blind leading the blind in those early days.”

Imagining a Victorian era Andy accidentally crashing a motorized carriage or angrily shaking her fist at experimental drivers from atop of her horse was certainly entertaining. You wondered if the two of you would ever share a similar experience together.

Temporarily distracted by your smile, Andy nearly forgot the importance of the message she was trying to convey to you. 

“Y/N, you’re right that you’ve never really been given the chance to grow before all of this. None of that was your fault. The wonderful thing now is that you’re on your way to becoming smarter, like anybody else can when given the right tools. What you already have, your emotional strength and intelligence, is far more rare and valuable in my eyes. You teach me to look at things from a different perspective even when I’ve felt stuck in my ways for hundreds of years. Don’t overlook how much of an impact you can make or how much we all appreciate you.”

“Andy… I… Thank you.” You try not to cry, though you know she wouldn’t judge you if you did. Viewing your emotions as a strength is something that you never considered before. They were always a weakness back when you experienced nothing but misery, and now everything couldn’t be more different. Your new life was full of evenings spent getting tipsy and laughing at the stories your friends told you of places and times that sounded unreal. It was wanting the taste of more, the promise of the adventures that lay before you and the people you would get to share them with. It was a life you could hardly believe was real and you got to spend every single day with a woman that made your heart race with a single smile. Even if she never felt the same way about you, there was no chance that you’d trade your time with Andy for anything or anyone else. “Thank you for everything. I’m glad I get to experience all of this with you.”

She almost let her resolve crumble upon hearing your words. The grip around her drink tightened, heating up her flesh to a tender sting but she persevered through it. She knew that if she touched you again then it would all be over. There would be no way she could let go.

“As exciting as everything can be, I can’t help but feel nervous for what’s to come. I worry that no matter how hard I train I won’t be prepared. No matter how much I learn, there is bound to be something I overlook.”

How right you were.

“One thing I can tell you is that there are some things you’re never ready for, even if you spend centuries preparing. People, history, and almost everything I’ve encountered follow some type of pattern maybe 99% of the time. But all it takes is that 1% chance of randomness to make life unpredictable. Even the most meticulous of plans can end up going sideways. At the end of the day, I always ask myself why I’m here or why certain things happen and I’ve never been very close to an answer. There are questions I’ve carried with me for even longer than I can remember.”

It would have been quite terrifying to hear those words from anyone else besides Andy. If she still struggled to figure things out then you were practically cursed to be clueless for the rest of your existence. Although strangely enough, it was actually comforting to hear that she shared a similar sense of existential questioning. Both of you were human even if your lifespans or biology no longer were. 

“Okay, but you must have a guess for when we’ll see flying cars at least. Or do you believe people will really be able to walk on Mars one day?”

A smooth attempt to cover up her broadening smile by lifting her coffee up to her mouth might have gone unnoticed if you hadn’t been so enamored by each one of Andy’s actions. She had a harder time hiding her eyes, which playfully rolled at your question. 

“Sure, I suppose it’s possible. Hey, maybe you’ll be the first one and you can tell us all about it.”

“While the prospect of accomplishing something you’ve never done is intriguing, I wouldn’t want to do it without you.”

The words left your mouth, leaving only your pair of eyes holding hers throughout a deep silence. It wasn’t often that Andy looked like she was at a loss for words but this was definitely one of those times.

Quickly, you tried to cover up your confession with a stupid excuse. “I mean if there really are man-eating martians up there they’ll want to eat you first. You have way more muscle.”

“Right,” Andy laughed in agreement. “I guess that’s all I’m good for besides being a model for your artwork. Are you fast enough to draw me up there in time before I get turned into alien food?”

“Maybe.” You blushed and tried to go for Andy’s move to cover your face with your cup, only to realize that it was practically useless when it was made of glass. 

“I, uh, really wanted to get some sleep tonight before waking up for early training but I guess I’m not doing a very good job at that.”

“Sleep in, you deserve the break. You’ve been pushing yourself really hard and should get to sleep in for once. There’s no need to overexert yourself.”

“Wait, aren’t you leaving for your mission around sunrise?” Andy was planning to look for some intel in the city and you knew she might be gone for up to a few days. “Wake me up before you go so I can say goodbye.”

For a moment, all the Scythian can do is try to memorize the look on your face, wishing that she could permanently sketch the vision on paper like you could. You gazed up at her with such innocence and devotion in your eyes, as if she was simply running to get milk from the grocery store the next morning. The team had actually glossed over the more important details about Andy’s assignment and what it would entail. It wasn’t that you were unaware of Andy’s brutal past and countless killings, but you still had yet to witness such violence. She couldn’t help but worry that witnessing that side of her would not only change how you saw her, but also influence your own self perception when the time came to take another life yourself. It was painful to imagine the countless amount of years you might spend plagued by inner turmoil, hating the person you would become even if it was inevitable. She’d die in a million more excruciating ways if it would shield you from such a curse.

“Andy, are you alright?” Your voice of concern brought her back to the present. There was a slight look of worry between your furrowed eyebrows that she wished to smooth out herself, but she practiced self restraint. 

“Sorry, I guess I’m a little tired too. If you want me to wake you before I leave then I will.”

With a satisfied smile on your face, you nodded and rose from your seat. The urge to ask Andy if she might join you tugged at your heart. You always slept more soundly when it was in her arms. Your nightmares were much more infrequent by now and it had been some time since you had been able to fall asleep while breathing in her scent, snuggling deep into her chest. The temptation to voice your request was almost impossible to resist, save for the fear of jeopardizing your friendship and making her uncomfortable by revealing your feelings. 

Eventually, you found yourself back in bed alone and replaying your conversation. One specific realization you couldn’t get over was that Andy had undoubtedly expressed some type of interest in the art you made of her. Sure, it’s possible that it might have been in a completely platonic sense, but you held onto the fantasy of it meaning something more and decided you’d keep it to yourself, for now.

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