#and don’t try and be all fucking ‘it’s just hyperbole chill the fuck out’ 1) it’s probably fucking not first all - when people ‘joke’ about

[party-gilmore]

[not even through first page of dash on allotted brief lunch time tumblr break]

[absolutely fantastic post about Palestine and Palestinians persevering and living and don’t let your western media propaganda bias dehumanise them to you based on stereotypes about their people during this ongoing genocide perpetuated by the state of israel]

awesome awesome hell yeah cool yes reblo-

“so anyway yeah Death To Israel”

…it would’ve been so fucking easy.

to not immediately miss the entire subtext of your own damn post.

“Dissolve.” “Dismantle.” “Deconstruct.” “Topple.” “Overthrow.” or i don’t know, just fucking…

one of so many other words that explicitly and specifically describe a process of removing the authority and sovereign status of a nation/state and its radical, war criminal government and occupying military forces.

but no instead let’s go with Death just fucking kill them all wipe them out the same way they’re doing to Palestine because as we all know of course there’s no “citizens” in israel actively fighting and protesting and campaigning and being targeted by their own radical government for it. they’re all just exactly the same as the stereotype all the media making it out of israel shows - toxic, racist, inhuman, bullshit viral video/tiktok stars, who are all cheering and making jokes about it, and if you try to humanize israelis right now what are you a fucking zionist how DARE you not support Palestine?

and then these same folks will turn around and say “okay y’all STOP freaking out about retaliatory violence, NO ONE is saying freeing Palestine means theyre are gonna turn around and try to wipe israeli’s* out the same way, that’s making a LOT of incredibly harmful assumptions about them based on barbaric and fearmongering stereotypes ”

…in the same fucking breath they just said “death to israel.”

8 whole minutes in and that’s ALREADY enough social media for the day 🫥

#*’israeli’ in this case often notably used interchangeably with ‘jews’ #given the amount of people on here who still haven’t figured out that those are… two separate circles on the venn diagram #not the entire fucking middle bit #and let’s be clear i also don’t think genuine retaliatory violence is at this point a realistic fear or even if it WAS not a reason #AT ALL to continue this absolute atrocity against Palestine - i’m saying it’s hypocritical as FUCK to dismiss that fear when YOU YOURSELF #are… calling for their death… #and don’t try and be all fucking ‘it’s just hyperbole chill the fuck out’ 1) it’s probably fucking not first all - when people ‘joke’ about #shit like that they’re usually testing the waters to see if they can get away being serious about it. and 2) even if it IS genuinely just #a joking exaggeration 2.a) what the fuck is funny about that and #2.b) that is still going to enflame and embolden everyone around you that ISNT fucking joking #israel #palestine #free palestine #but for fucks sake stop buying into that Every Israeli Is Complicit - Their Deaths Don’t Matter bullshit

[actual-fucking-clown]

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

~

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this. 

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them. 

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems. 

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered. 

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough. 

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon. 

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown. 

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile. 

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it  but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless. 

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke. 

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent.  A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too. 

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I  don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

#bnha x reader #mha xreader #aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my first fic #mha #bnha

[florbelles]

lyra and john for the ship ask?

thank you lovely! 💕

GENERAL

rate the ship awful | ew | no pics pls | i’m not comfortable | alright | i like it! | got pics? | let’s do it! | why is this not getting more attention?! | the otp to rule all other otps

how long will they last? as long as some part of either of them exists tbh

how quickly did/will they fall in love? when i say they have no chill and lyra moved into the ranch after living in hope county for two weeks i mean it

how was their first kiss? john’s nose bled, next question

WEDDING

who proposed? technically john. sort of. ( i’m sorry for this long answer but i haven’t really discussed it so ) lyra had already joined the project, lived with john, begun her training with jacob, and had taken up the rudimentary form of what would eventually become her role as the judge. it had only been a few months, but joseph believed he recognized her from his visions and wanted to bring her into the family Officially; at this point john and lyra were already 100% in it and he was straight up like if she’s going to become a seed it’s going to be through me, because, well, john. lyra just looked at him when he came to her with it and said “what of it? are you not my husband? am i not your wife?” and that was that; lyra doesn’t live by half-measures, she was married in every way that mattered to her the second she stepped across that threshold with her bags. ( well. shaggy carried the bags. but you get it. )

who is the best man/men? no one, but if you listened carefully you could hear shaggy sobbing outside the church. is he happy for them or crushed by the revelation he’s really stuck with both of them forever now? who can say!

who is the bride’s maid(s)? no one; faith was Not pleased when she heard lyra had gone and married her brother without telling her ( but it would have been her, if they’d had attendees. )

who did the most planning? there wasn’t much, but john ( and joseph, i suppose, since he officiated. )

who stressed the most? the only one who had any amount of stress was john.

how fancy was the ceremony? back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 ( i’ve been informed inflation adjustment was necessary by virtue of lyra’s aura ) | 4 | normal church wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

who was specifically not invited to the wedding? everyone, with the exception of joseph by necessity; while the significance of the two most extra drama fiends to ever step into the valley having the most understated ceremony in existence could be elaborated on with sentimentality — they can come as they are with each other, etc etc — it was partly a tactical move; lyra couldn’t fairly well maintain her cover with the locals if she publicly married john seed in an elaborate ceremony. they intend to have one officially in the new eden with all of the family and faithful; they never get that chance.

SEX

who is on top? either/or tbh

who is the one to instigate things? either/or

how healthy is their sex life? barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they are humping each other on the couch right now

how kinky are they? straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head ( no horse head necessary in the sex dungeon. just kidding. they don’t have a sex dungeon they just hook up in the normal torture one )

how long do they normally last? before everything went to hell, as long as they want ( rip, get the ice packs ); after the reaping begins, as long as they have

do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? okay listen i’m going to be brutally honest, they fuck a lot, they’re not counting but they’re not complaining

how rough are they in bed? softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | the bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make dwayne johnson blush. also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. ( their walls are premium )

how much cuddling/snuggling do they do? no touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | a little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. ( lyra is actually the biggest offender but she blames his needy ass. also if she knows you know this she’ll commit homicide. this is not hyperbole )

CHILDREN

how many children will they have naturally? none. ( in aus they do; one in the cult wins verse because lyra’s iud expired but she was not willing to sacrifice her sex life, and fairbrookseed have three; the twins via wes and a younger son via john. )

how many children will they adopt? three at the beginning of the reaping — boomer, peaches & cheeseburger. ( john unwilling. )

who gets stuck with the most diapers? not applicable, but hypothetically shaggy

who is the stricter parent? it would have been john

who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? it would have been john; lyra would have taught them the dangerous stunts they’re doing after school

who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? it would have been shaggy

who is the more loved parent? the furbabies love lyra more. obviously.

who is more likely to attend the pta meetings? it wOULD HAVE BEEN JOHN

who cried the most at graduation? same answer; lyra would have waited until they got home and then cried in the shower for an hour

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? either/both, but in practice probably john

COOKING

who does the most cooking? neither/shaggy; lyra if you count her Attempts when she staggers in at 3am after hunting sinners or gathering intel at the spread eagle

who is the most picky in their food choice? john; lyra behaves like she is but in fact thinks it will be a shame when casey’s non-testicle related recipes are lost when he burns in the collapse

who does the grocery shopping? neither; lyra’s the most likely to bring things back from town, but it’s usually liquor she swiped from the bar ( so that mary may can’t sell it, of course! )

how often do they bake desserts? they don’t bake

are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? whatever shaggy puts in front of them; it’s probably meat and it’s probably unfortunate

who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? john, but he’s only responsible for the theatrics; everything was 100% still prepared by the flock

who is more likely to suggest going out? for the truly exceptional hope county cuisine, served in businesses they definitely didn’t try to get shut down, in which they are most definitely both still welcome and could appear together without blowing her cover and/or getting shot on sight? neither. in a “let’s physically go out by the fire pit” sense, lyra.

who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? honestly, both of them, because in the event they were cooking one of them probably decided to be distracting~ while they waited~ and oh no they forgot about it oh no everything’s on fire oh no shaggy put it out oh no shaggy how could you let this happen

CHORES

who cleans the room? shaggy

who is really against chores? both to an extent, but especially lyra

who cleans up after the pets? neither, but since john philosophically opposes their presence in the first place and tries to ship them off to jacob every tuesday, it sure as hell ain’t him

who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? if, inexplicably, they’re sweeping, it’s lyra, both proverbially and literally

who stresses the most when guests are coming over? if the guest is joseph ( or even jacob ), JOHN. otherwise they’re unconcerned.

who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? a dollar? one (1) dollar? john keeps literal stacks of thousands of dollars in cash just sitting around. the answer is hopefully not the resistance.

MISC

who takes the longer showers/baths? john ( but lyra usually joins. )

who takes the dog out for a walk? shaggy, boomer has almost taken his leg off on fifty separate occasions. ( it’s lyra. )

how often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? canonically they never have the opportunity, really, but lyra probably would have decorated for the winter holidays. some mistletoe on the antlers, a garland on that sinner corpse hanging out by the porch. beautiful.

what are their goals for the relationship? to make it to new eden, tbh. they found unconditional love in each other when that was an impossibility for them for most of their lives; they just want to keep what they have and prove themselves worthy.

who is most likely to sleep till noon? JOHN. lyra’s up before dawn every day ( and drags him out of bed to watch the sunrise with her; he’s very excited for the apocalypse. )

who plays the most pranks? pranks? lyra, but not the funny sort, it’s like...whoops, sorry, i forgot to mention i was roasting sinners out back, the grounds will smell like burning flesh for a bit! did you bring home any flayed skin today? <3 ( i jest, it’s more to the effect of “the sinners were terribly dull today so to amuse myself i told them i heard rumors about the judge and the reason they didn’t know you had a wife is because you kept her locked in a sex dungeon. also, adelaide wants you to spank her. how went the confessions?” )

#answered #x: from eden #oc: lyra fairbanks #asks: lyra

[blueymoons]

Hey boo! Here's a bunch of numbers for that music meme: 1, 5, 6, 15, 20, 26, 28, 35, 38, and 50 🥳❤️ Looking forward to your answers, I love your music taste!

OOOoh this is so exciting!!! @kenzthepea...I adore you and I haven’t told you that enough lately. ❤❤❤

OK..Here goes:

1. Current Favorite Song: This is hard...Because I love so many songs. But the one I kept repeating today was Cardigan by Taylor Swift. I like the melody, and the lyrics that are so intricate. I especially love the bridge and I think my brain is formulating a fic with this song...but I have to wait and see what percolates. But it feels like that’s about to happen. 

5. A Song That Reminds You Of Another Time In Your Life: I’m going to with It’s Been Awhile by Staind. I don’t know why...but every time I hear this song I think back to the first guy I fell in love with. It literally never played while we were together, or featured in our relationship at all, and has nothing to do with either of us...but it makes me think of him because I feel him in it. I think it’s maybe that during the time I met him, and fell in love with him and was held by him...I was dealing with some serious things in my home life. My mother was abusive, and I felt worthless and like a complete fuck up...but all of that didn’t matter when he hugged me. None of it mattered when we were talking. It makes me feel the way he made me feel and I love that. Because I still love him. Just differently, though 15 year old me is still deeply in love with him...But I am happily married to a man who adores me, who listens to me, and who makes me feel seen...which is exactly what Daniel did for me all those years ago. We’re still very good friends and we sing karaoke together (not currently obviously) and he still gives the best hugs and he’s still as sweet and dreamy and magnetic as he was the day I met him. And I feel grateful, so damn grateful that the first man I ever loved, taught me that I was worthy of that love, so that I could recognize when my husband felt the same way. That was long...but worth it. And you knew I’d be wordy. 🤣

6. A Song That Reminds You of A Place You’ve Been: I cannot hear the Hawaiian version of I’m Yours by Jason Mraz without instantly being transported to the beach house my husband and I were married out of a little over 11 years ago. That song was played multiple times during our stay, and the Hawaiian version is so much more lovely than the radio version. It wasn’t our wedding song...but it is our unofficial wedding song. So much so that it’s the song my husband set as my ring tone when I call him. 🥰🥰🥰 I can’t seem to find the Hawaiian version but the version I linked is very damn close. 

15. A Song That Makes You Want To Fall In Love: This one was really hard...Because I’m already very much in love with my husband...But I’m going to give you two...by the same artist, on the same album, because both give off some serious sex appeal to me and both would make me ache to have someone to feel that way about if I didn’t already have my Husband-Man. Wolf Like Me by Lera Lynn ft. Shovels and Rope, and Lose Myself by Lera Lynn, ft. John Paul White (you knew he had to be in here somewhere). Both are on her Plays Well With Others album, which was co-produced by John Paul and Ben Tanner (of the Alabama Shakes) at their Sun Drop Sound recording studio in Florence, Alabama and is on their label Single Lock Records (I’m a huge fan of pretty much every artist on Single Lock’s label) and these two songs are just straight up magic. Wolf Like Me is like...a werewolf love song. It’s literally her begging someone to be a wolf like her, and understand her, and I believe its a cover...but I choose to ignore that because I don’t ever want to hear anyone but Lera and S&R singing it. It’s haunting and sexy and just...ooof. So good. Lose Myself is sexy AF as well because it’s a duet with John and they’re basically singing about being in love with someone who they know is bad for them...and it’s just so painfully sexily delicious. I dare you to listen to their voices melding and not melt into a puddle. It’s almost impossible. 

(This damn post is going to be really long...I hope you don’t mind. 🤣)

20. A Song You’ve Listened To On Repeat Recently: Rattle by Penny and Sparrow (I think you already know this one) has been on repeat for me lately. This song has been many things to me...But It’s become my worship song. When I REALLY need to talk to God (I’m spiritual...I hope this isn’t something that bothers you. Apologies if it is...I won’t preach...I promise) I turn this song on and I always feel closer to Him. When I first heard it I heard it as a romantic song. But the more I listened to it, the more I felt Him in it and the lyrics really called to me. “Because I’m not proud, I’m not proud, I’m not proud of me...so how could you, how could you ever be?” really nails me on the head. I feel like I fall down on being a light for God quite a bit. I try, always, to be a beacon of love and acceptance and grace to everyone. I want to understand my fellow humans...and love them despite their flaws and foibles...but it’s hard. And so this song reminds me that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the only one who occasionally feels that I’m not making Him proud...but the last lines, “I'm gonna work on waiting, If it's true you wanna say you love me every day. And I'm sorry (that it took me so long to realize) you've always felt that way”, are a beautiful reminder that God’s love for me is something he wants to give me everyday, no matter how much I’ve failed at being His beacon on Earth. So it’s my worship song, because I don’t go to church, but hearing this song is feeling a wash of his love over me and that helps me on really hard days. (I hope that wasn’t too preachy)

26. A Song That Reminds You Of Your Favorite Fictional Character: GOD SO MANY!!! Like...everyone I’ve ever written a fic about...and there are MANY. I guess the best way to find this one is to go to my AO3 series The Music Made Me Do It

28. A Song That Represents Your “Aesthetic”: I don’t really know what my “Aesthetic” is...maybe uptight, bohemian, plant loving, boy and dog mom, who over thinks everything constantly? Is that an aesthetic? LOL. So i’m not sure how to answer this one. But if “aesthetic” means what I would have playing in the house all the time, no matter what, no matter who comes over...It would be THIS entire playlist. It’s called Relaxed Jams (which is the EPITOME of an original title...I’m not good with titles...leave me alone 😂) and it’s pretty much playing nonstop in my house and car...Unless I’m listening to Hamilton...which is also constantly playing. So...there you go...My “Aesthetic”...Hope that works for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

35. A Song That Sends Chills Down Your Spine: In the fall of 2018 I was dealing with the knowledge that my oldest son was planning to move to Florida. And I was NOT handling it well. To be honest...I still am not handling it well. I don’t like my baby being so far away and I miss seeing his face, hearing his voice, yelling at him to clean up after himself...I just miss him like I’d miss a limb. We’ve been together since I was 18 and he’s going to be 20 in a few weeks and so, I’m sure you can imagine, over half of my life has been spent loving him. My two boys are the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. They are EVERYTHING to me and that’s not hyperbole. It’s FACT. So, the idea of him moving away from me made me feel like I’d done something wrong, something to chase him away. And I was listening to a random Jason Mraz playlist on Spotify when I heard a song of his that I’d never heard before (which, in itself was a fucking miracle). That song is God Rests In Reason (yes...another God song...sorry) and it’s lyrics were so utterly perfect for the way I was feeling that I had to literally pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t see where I was going for the tears in my eyes. Those lyrics were: “Well your children will not be your children They are the daughters and the sons a beginning They'll come through your womb but not be coming from you They will be with you, but they do not belong to you You can give them your love but not your thoughts 'Cause they'll arrive with their own hearts They're the coming of angels this blessed season Undone they’ll sing, Oh how God rests in reason God rests in reason Isn’t reason enough to prove how God moves through you God rests in reason And thank God you can direct the course of love itself of love itself Directs the course of life Believe not God is your heart child But rather you’re in the Heart of God” And it just SPOKE to everything I felt. I’d been asking myself why my child, who I love beyond everything else, who I’d lay down and die for if he asked me to, would want to leave me. Why would he want to go so far away...and God answered with this song. Because Michael has his own heart...and his heart is pulling him to Florida. And in those moments I started to feel a measure of peace. And I started to cope a little better. I stopped crying and feeling like he was telling me I’d done something wrong, and I started being proud that I’d raised my son to feel strongly enough about his own intuition to follow his dreams and reach for the things he wanted in life. I still miss him. I still hate that he’s gone. But it’s eased. And when it threatens to suffocate me, I go to this song. I realize it isn’t spine tingling in the manner that this question probably meant...but it tingled my spine that a song I’d never heard, by an artist I adore and thought I’d heard everything from, shuffled through my phone at a time that I really needed the message in it. I hope that makes sense...and fills the request.     

38. A Song That You Think Is Underrated: I really think pretty much everything Penny & Sparrow has done is horribly underrated. These two men deserve at least the same amount of accolades that Hozier has. And I’m sure Hozier would agree with me if he’d listened to their catalog. I’m never NOT going to promote these guys and I know y’all are tired of it but they mean a literal shit ton to me and I NEED everyone to know their music and recognize their brilliance. They’re better than Ryan Adams, and all the other sad bastards of folk...and they’re complete and total sweethearts who really give a damn about their fans. I will not rest until I’ve told the entire world about Andy Baxter and Kyle Jahnke and that’s that about that. You can find a playlist of their entire catalog of music songs here. I listed them in order of release...and I recommend listening to them that way. At least for the first listen. But be prepared to be hooked because they’re addictive. 

50. Free Slot! Any Song You Want To Share: I feel like you just had me create a playlist for you...And I’m totally OK with it. But I can tell you that...the song Green Eyes by Joseph will be featured in a forthcoming work of mine...The chapter has already been written...I just need time to finish the chapters before it. I guess this is a spoiler for the fic...but it isn’t really because if you know anything about my #1 ship...you know where I want it to go...and this song, is perfect for it. 

Goodness Kenz...I hope this was what you were expecting because I feel like I wrote you a book. 

Thanks for asking me for all of these songs...You know I love talking about my favorite musics. And I hope there are some songs that you just fall in love with here. I’d love to hear about it if you do. Hope you’re well.

Love you!

[antiendgame]

you can post it! warning of basically all the spoilers ahead. Also warning for lots of salt. Very lengthy.

I felt very underwhelmed. I mean, this is the last movie in a 10 year sequence. It should have been of epic fucking proportions. And YET. It was very underwhelming. And I think I figured out a few of the reasons it felt that way.

First and foremost, there wasn’t enough emotional set up for the scenes. There are multiple moments where you’d expect a big emotional scene to happen, and it just doesn’t. I don’t know if this is a fault with the script, or if this is a fault with the directing. Either way, a lot of emotional moments were skipped over and it killed the movie’s emotional impact.

For instance, the very first scene of the movie. Hawkeye’s family gets dusted into nothing. They could have made it a very emotional spider-man-eske type of thing, and that would have made us empathize way more with Hawkeye, who has been M.I.A for several movies, and would explain (ish) the way he behaved later on, AND would have set up the mood for the movie just right. Instead we get the most underwhelming scene ever, where they don’t even disappear on screen. And we’re supposed to care about these characters?

There’s the after snapping moments, where their pain is not properly conveyed. Hell, they make a 5 year skip so they don’t have to show the characters in actual pain, we’re EXPECTING to see them suffering a lot. We only get that from Tony once and that’s most likely simply because RDJ does a lot of improvising and has the freedom to just be like that.

Another thing was the fact that they literally blasted all the side characters off into space, leaving us once again just with the main avenger cast. Like, this isn’t avengers movie 1, we want to see EVERYONE, we don’t want to see just the same old characters who have 3 movies each. WE WANT TO SEE THE NEW CHARACTERS WTH. Captain marvel was barely in this movie and I am salty about it, don’t @ me.

ALSO, because of this, the movie seems old and like something we’ve seen before, it doesn’t feel ~fresh~ or new. I get it if the source material also goes like that, but I think it was a wasted opportunity removing all the cool “side” characters from the whole movie basically.

There were quite a feel other scenes where there was a lack of emotional setup. There were a lot of moments where you’d expect more struggle to happen and there wasn’t enough. There was a lot of what I interpreted as fanservice that did nothing for the plot and was just a cheap attempt at raising an emotional response, but failed miserably at it. read: the tony/cap back to the 70′s part. just cringe honestly.

Then there’s the last battle scenes of the movie which… istg. Okay, so this characters have been zapped back to life like what, a million seconds ago (hyperbole) and they only come into scene in this very specific moment for the battle? underwhelming. We should have seen them ALL come back and interact with the cast. Another wasted emotional moment. OR they should have IMMEDIATELY come back after the snap which makes me think the snap should have happened later on, the gap of time between when they were back and when they showed up murdered anticipation and the impact that scene would have. We already knew they were back because of the phone call and the birds. They literally stripped the scene of emotional impact.

Other than that. Cap’s little Mjolnir moment. Wth. Look, okay, fine, his whole ‘I can lift it now’ would have been useful 300 movies ago, but fine. AT LEAST make it look like there’s some sort of (inner) struggle, make a scene where he looks at it with uncertainty, and then just decides you know what fuck it, let me see if I can lift it. Boy, that would have been a soul chilling moment. Instead we get this pathetic “i could lift it all along” bullshit and I’m not having it.

Also, if I may add. There was a lack of grand soundtrack moments.

And the worst, the absolute worst. TIME PARADOXES AND INCONSISTENCIES ALL MOVIE LONG. Like, omg, Nebula shot HER PAST FUCKING SELF. She shot HER PAST SELF. She would NO LONGER EXIST IN THE FUTURE IF SHE KILLS HERSELF IN THE PAST. LIKE WTF. And yet, there she still fucking is. You can’t even claim that it was an alternative timeline her, because they’re from the exact same timeline, just different points of it. She would be dead, period.

And do not get me started on the implications changes to the timeline would have, and wether the realities are branched or not in this movie. It’s impossible to know.

Oh, and captain america suddenly can age now? I don’t know if I missed something about his character and he just was always able to age or something but that did not felt right to me. I haven’t read the comics and the movie is the only source material I had, and to my understanding he can’t age, or does it very slowly, so it was quite confusing to see him so old.

The only death scene properly done in this movie (cinematography wise) was Tasha’s and it still wasn’t all that great. At least, they had an awesome fight along with it, which added some uncertainty. Not that she should have died, because wtf, but that’s for another time. But Tony’s? wth That was not properly done, at all. Like, look what the fucking stones did to the Hulk. I expect Tony’s body to look like a literal barbecue and for him to die almost immediately after. Instead we get another cringey scene with Tom holland where they tried to emulate the end of the last movie but failed miserably. Just let this kid act normally for fucks sake.

I can’t believe they could have Carol put on the gauntlet and missed that opportunity. If she can one up Thanos and survive space, she would be the one other person along with the Hulk you’d expect to survive snapping the stones. Basically I can’t believe they missed the chance to include her in the fucking movie, because she was supposed to be an important part of it. Fuck these directors, wth. All that “well before you didn’t have me” and she basically did nothing?? It just made her sound entitled and out of touch. Were they salty about Captain Marvel or something? Where they purposefully trying to dimish her role in this out of misoginy? Hate it. Fuck they even had Thor say “I’m the strongest avenger” when we all know it’s Carol.

Anyway, that’s my salty analyses of where the movie fucked up. 4/10, had potential but fucked it up. They’re lucky there was the hype of the decade around this movie otherwise people would skip it after the disappointment rushed in. And they’re lucky Disney has power to monopolize the market enough to force theaters to only play this movie for like months in order to secure cash. It wasn’t terrible, but it could’ve been great. (submitted via i-fear-oceans)

want to submit your own post on this blog? submit it here

#thanks for sharing! although i dont agree with everything i really appreciated reading your analysis of the movie! #and youre absolutely right this movie is a 4/10 #avengers: endgame spoilers #anti endgame #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #clint barton #tony stark #carol danvers #submission #i-fear-oceans #i dont think this posted the first time so i'm reposting it!

[kae-karo]

Can you do an analysis on the last dan vs phil video?

hell yeah i can in the beginning…

nerds nerds nerds ‘in the beginning…..there was a tree…..’ cue phil’s lil laugh smh cowards release the footage of y’all recording this bit i would Die for it i wanna see y’all being cute-ass dorks together thanks

dan’s voice cracking tone when he’s trying to stop phil

‘n they didn’t tell anybody’ dumbasses u told three million people smh

the fucking dvp montage god this whole intro is just a testament to what dorks they are

‘emotional stability’ what the Fuck

we’re the only ones fighting for emotional stability here jfc

‘after,,,,,d- after da long ass time’ dan u spork

they pulled up the first clip of the dvp board i’m not sobbing ur sobbing

phil recognizing he’s doing the same intro voice i’m Soft

cute

dan forgetting what he was gonna say after his big ol dramatic ‘that is right everybody’ we stan a mess

“bitch there’s no space” did u mean

ahem anyway

phil ruining all dan’s dramatic storytelling gives me Life

how did i not know just dance 2 was one of their most popular vids???? it has 7.4m views??? (for anyone as curious as me, sims #1 has 8.2m and is the most popular, followed by just dance, then fnaf #1 with 7.2m then akinator of all things with 6.4m?)

phil liked yasuhati???? i stan immensely i loved yasuhati as y’all know

it’s a grand finale u spoons stop saying grand ‘final’ that just. sounds wrong lmao

dan spent an hour making that crown i’m crying he’s so cute as is phil’s reaction giggling at him 

they ran out of kitchen foil why did i need to know this

they literally fucking kept the present they crushed what’s wrong with them

‘look at what his ass did to this’ as if we don’t know what that ass do

dan keeping up the ‘i’ll ebay this’ joke i think someone’s catching the capita£ester

i love their adorable editing making each other disappear n phil chopping dan’s head off it’s endearing

cereal eating contest at least dan knows he’s lost (dan is the Actual psychic)

‘y’all fricken want us touching each other??? do you????? here ya fuckin go u animals enjoy’

me when dan makes bad innuendo puns

why does phil look so pleased with himself????

hi i know i say it every video but there is nothing more beautiful than phil looking at dan while he’s talking it just makes me weak????

he tongue

also important dan eye roll content

dnp each picking a game they think they can win and then they do win amazing

dan’s confused ‘should’ve put some in??? oh yeah i should’ve cheated’ immediately followed by his oh fuck yeah i probably should’ve

i would just like to point out that at this point we’re literally watching two dorks with their eyes shut psyching each other out for an entire thirty seconds

‘i’m getting so moist right now’ dan we already know ur kink is staring at phil okay we got it

phil looks like he knows he’s gonna win and i love him

why are they such dorks phil trying to make dan lose i’m being thrown violently back to pinof 4

also ofc dan has a strategy to win this of course he does of course i expect nothing less

i think dan,,,,,,broke the sound barrier there ;)

oi hi there lil rosy patch welcome back

caption this

‘it was the longest i’ve ever had my eyes open in my entire life’ dan is such a dramatic gay i love him like babe,,,,,,,u don’t have to hyperbolize everything okay

‘i don’t know why but i stared at u for like a minute’ ‘yeah’ 

dan screaming when phil touched the crown dan,,,,,,,do u have even one (1) ounce of chill

look i’ve never seen dan fixate so much on anything except phil

‘stop enjoying these rolling chairs so much’ hi daniel do u recall not a month ago when u wheeled ur bf around the flat bc i do recall u having a bit of fun there 

phil knowing he has noodly arms and dan immediately going ‘don’t u dare say that abt my husband’ is a mood

buster howell

dnp being terrified of snapping their arms in an arm wrestling contest is such a mood literally that’s like my reason for never ever wanting to arm wrestle

‘when i literally snap phil in half’ try not to look so pleased abt that dan

‘i’m not very good at fighting talk am i’ why did this immediately translate in my head to dirty talk katie u need to Stop with the phanfiction

oh my god they put the board down and my first concern was all the stickers were gonna get moved off or fall off or w.e

disappearing chins

sorry ik it’s been there but the cactus has fairy lights on it

nerds fighting over who moved who’s limbs

dan u can’t call phil out for leaning when ur leaning urself okay 

he looks exactly like he did in the dk vid

rosy patch, rosy patch, we love u lil rosy patch

hi phil’s lips look particularly pretty here

what’s wrong with them who gave them permission to be this cute n domestic

dan u can’t look that offended when u offered to play that game

(offended but fond is dan’s only mood toward phil)

doesn’t count what bloody doesn’t count daniel u dork

hi why are u so giggly looking at phil okay that’s not Legal

very dry eyes and an aching left arm, that’s how you know you’ve had a good time thanks dan thanks didn’t want that didn’t need it goodbye

the way he trails off into a laugh though that’s some good shit right there

“we said it at the same time” of course u did 

okay so pika @wlwphil​ said that dnp exist in a feedback loop of stupid bc they don’t talk to anyone but themselves i think this vid exemplifies that idea quite well tbh especially the rock paper scissors bit these nerds are so isolated in this lil loop that they massively psyche each other out over rock paper scissors i’m crying

“we know each other so well” hi yeah we know

i think it’s quite interesting that dan’s not interrupting phil like he usually would n talking over him? he’s letting phil talk? & waiting for a moment to interject?

dan puts in lil mind sneks does he phil does he really

dan having no plan which is his plan while phil’s got his first eight moves planned out 

dan’s lil shut up

okay okay okay hold up here i wanna talk abt this (hi anon who said i just like to talk abt everything u right son u right) these idiots are staring at each other n dan says ‘you should admit to them right now that i win most rock paper scissors’ and phil, whilst still staring at dan, says ‘he does’

phil. phil ur talking to ur audience. but ur staring at ur man. i’m just. this shook me. this truly genuinely shook me and idk i don’t even have a good explanation it’s just so,,,,,,,unlike them???? i guess??

phil nobody consented to this stop

i’m living for dan not realizing this

what,,,,,what

phil wins: face #1

face #2

break for the weird heartbeat in the background

phil trying to psyche dan out i love him

face #3:

if u notice we have a careful progression of dan going from slightly fond to more fond (but offended) to horrified but fond. phil goes from victorious to massively victorious to ‘i think the universe is about to explode from how victorious he is’

dan shouldn’t be allowed to sound so fond abt losing that’s illegal people can’t do that

the return of cannot believe

bow to me biatch

jiggly camera

i’ve invited ur mum ‘no u haven’t’ i find it super cute that literally every time there’s a ur mum joke directed at kath phil has to deny it?

dan’s sweatpants n slippers

dan pulling out the catti/bratty voices from undertale i love it

philip michael lester, with this…

oi don’t touch it!

now prance, king

dan’s cheeky lil grin

this guy

dan waiting patiently to be thanked

excuse me daniel and philip what did u cut out we went from y’all’s hands being down below shot and then they’re up next to ur face???? excuse me

hi we missed a lot that’s not allowed

cutes

sorry i love when dan does this with his lips it cute

phil has this incredible ability to deliver jokes with such seriousness i mean honestly it’s a genuine skill like???? when dan delivers jokes u Know it’s a joke but phil man,,,,,he could be completely serious if taken out of context

hi i just like that dnp called each other philip and daniel in this vid good content

yes phil all or nothings are valid

i’m here for them like indicating the other has to say some Significant thing at the end of the vids it’s real cute

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #phan #danandphilgames #the final dvp #vid analysis #anon #ask #kt #moonshine gifs

[bidrums]

I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway a few weeks ago

My thoughts (in no particular order):

IT WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING OMG THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BEEN LEADING UP TO AND I LOVE IT OMGGGGGG

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT’S MY FAVORITE MUSICAL AND I LOVE IT AND MY GRANDMA LOVES IT TOO AND IT WAS AMAZING GETTING TO SEE IT WITH HER BECAUSE WE BOTH HAD SO MUCH FUN AND WERE FLIPPING OUT AT THE SAME TIME IT WAS GREAT

One of the angels in the set actually lower during the Roof and Erik climbed out form behind it. As he let out the “YOOOOOOUUUUUU” it raised up and then he got on the ramp by the chandelier and laughed while it fell and if that isn’t BDE then I have no idea what is

Also when the chandelier fell it started slowly then sped up then when I thought it’d just stop there it fucking SUNG ONTO THE STAGE AND ALMOST SLAMMED INTO CHRISTINE AND THEN JUST SPARKED ALL OVER THE PLACE WHILE EVERYONE SCREAMED AND RAN AROUND AND FROM NOW ON ALL OF THE FALLS WILL HAVE TO BE THAT TO BE ACCEPTABLE SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

Christine was tiny (came up to everyone else’s shoulders tiny) and petite and had a round face but when she sang her incredibly youthful voice was so powerful and just filled the theater and honestly that casting made me understand the whole concept of why she was so surprising after voice lessons goddamn

Raoul had a moustache and I do not stan

Carlotta was amazing and hilarious but she also had this sense of maturity and weight to her that made her terrifying because on one hand hyperbole but on the other she seemed self-aware enough to know how to get ahead by hyperbole and props to the actress for that

During Masquerade Carlotta basically wore the same ugly Star Princess outfit Christine does (don’t @ me it’s hideous on her) but it had a darker color scheme and had a black veil instead of a crown and that was interesting

The Monkey killed it as usual

Mme Giry was terrifying and yeah A+ casting

Raoul was both super restrained and off the handle like he seemed disinterested and like the actor was phoning it in but also it was like he was acting like a proper Vicomte should and was basically holding in all his emotions because otherwise he’d explode and it was terrifying

All of the actors were so subtle but also over the top like it was great and explosive and I love all of them

At the beginning of Masquerade when Andre and Firmin run into each other they both had on skeleton masks but the capes were covering their outfits. Andre kinda shrugs it back and he’s wearing a suit. Firmin pulls it back in a grand gesture and he’s wearing a FULL ON SKELETON COSTUME AND ANDRE LOOKS TAKEN ABACK AND THE AUDIENCE STARTED DYING AND HONESTLY THAT’S ME AND IT SHOULD BE MEMED

We were front row of the mez and it took a lot of convincing to get my grandma to buy those tickets but then when the chandelier rose up and it was literally at eye level she gasped and when I whispered, “I told you!” she just nodded in awe

Being so close to the chandelier meant that whenever Erik went on that ramp thing it looked like he was staring at us it was great

During Wandering child he pops out of an ivy-colored cross on a memorial and then gets on the wall surrounding the graveyard. It’s super thin and so when he does and holds onto the cross for the Drama it also looks like he’s hanging on for dear life

Thank god they showed Raoul actually running up to Christine and shaking her and yelling in her face during that scene bc the yelling from the side to have her suddenly snap out of it annoyed me. This way it shows how much control Erik actually has over her and also how desperate Raoul gets to break that control

In the same vein during Why So Silent when Erik beckons Christine forward and does the “Your chains are still mine” schtick he just holds his hand out and Christine glides forward like she’s being pulled by the Force and Raoul’s right behind her and holding her hand and looking like he’s going to cut a bitch and its great

We could see almost all of the pit (but not the percussion :( I was looking forward to that but I could only kinda see the guy on cymbals and traps)

The pit was super chill and I loved looking at them

During the Il Auto ballet when Erik would do that shadow intimidation before revealing Bouquet there was one point when he was busting out belly dancer and doing a solo flamenco and everyone just lost it

Also during the ballet the dancers were nervous and dropping things and going out of sync constantly and that was such a beautiful attention to detail

Bouquet’s body slowly fell down after the set just completely disappeared and the dancers had this thing where they turned around at different times, stared in shock for a few seconds, and then chaos happened as everyone slowly realizes it and then the managers were screaming from their box to please stay seated and Raoul almost swan dived out of the box to find Christine and Erik was laughing from the ceiling it was bomb

Raoul swan dived into the lake and part of the stage opened up and he fell on a mat with an audible thud and the entire audience gasped when he just went “YEET” and did it

At one point during Music of the Night Erik just splayed himself out on the gate in what looked like a “take me” pose then Christine was half a second away from kissing him when he seemed to even notice she was close to him and he noted to the other side of the lair so fast it was hilarious

When the mannequin showed up it didn’t look like Christine (thank God) and she was genuinely curious and amazed. When it did a curtsy thing she went ramrod straight, backed away, then fainted on the floor. Erik then ran over to her and gently put his cape on her.

When he held the last note of the song the spotlight on his was the only illumination but you could see Christine getting up and moving to the boat and I loved it

Honestly whenever it was obvious that the actors were moving around in the dark I loved it because it felt more immersive and vulnerable

GODDAMN THE FINAL LAIR SCENE

When the gate comes up Raoul just rolls under int and grabs Christine which was so smart. They spend 0.30 seconds hugging then turn to the gate so fast but it’s already going down and they try so hard to get it up but it’s useless then Raoul throws her behind him and glares at Erik and A+ characterization

When Erik lets them go he makes zero eye contact and that was great

When Christine kisses him he makes the most ridiculous pose and it added to the whole “never had a speck of affection in his life” portion

Raoul gave the most defeated groan and slumped in the noose when it happened and it was so sad

When he was let go he fell on the floor then jumped right up while still obviously recovering from strangulation and was swaying around but the Fight Me was so strong he was ready for murder and it was great

Raoul was awesome in everything but the mustache

Christine was so adorable

Like, bouncing around in giddiness during Think Of Me and d

During the “curtain call” and just anytime she got excited her face would light up and she’s bounce like she couldn’t contain her joy and I loved her

During Notes/Twisted she just backed up to the desk slowly but surely until when she says “if you don’t stop this I’ll go mad” when she just spits it out, flings the score all over the desk and floor, and the runs into the center and stands so close to Raoul’s face while yelling at him

When she realized it’s Erik about 1/3 of the way into her verse she kinda runs across stage in a panic, looks back in uncertainty, then just increases the sexy by 5000%

Erik gets super uncomfortable by in and she’s practically on top of him. She was so aggressive and sexual and obviously doing it at him on purpose and honestly that was the first time I’ve seen a Christine actually going out of her way to make him uncomfortable instead of clamming up or looking at Raoul every 5 seconds, or just acting oblivious until the end of the song. So refreshing

Piangi’s death was so much like Bouquet’s death except when the curtain closed Carlotta was running up to the managers and asking what happened in the most desperate and concerned way then let out the most soul-shattering wail when they told her Piangi was dead and it gave a feel for just how close they were

When Carlotta says “She’s mad” she sounds like she just realized it and was horrified and felt so bad for treating her horrible and also so sorry for Christine’s situation

Seriously her face fell and she just. Deflated.

When Meg said “I’ll go with you” Mme Giry yelled “NO! YOU STAY HERE!” in horror and Meg just ran out of the room without a question

When Mme Giry is giving backstory and Raoul says “deformed?” his tone is just dead but also weirdly like he pities Erik and I loved it

“Accidents?” was so confused and offended

OKAY SO THEN WE STAGE DOORED AND GOT AUTOGRAPHS

I brought my novel and got four signatures

Everyone was so sweet and said hello, even if they obviously just wanted food (we went to a matinee)

Everyone who signed my book went “is this the novel?”, looked at the cover, and said “That’s so cool!”

I agree

I got autographs from Piangi, the Monkey, Firmin and the Phantom

The girl who played the money said, “I’m the quadruple threat: I sing, dance, act, and play cymbals!” with the most self-satisfied look on her face

She played the cymbals correctly which I totally respect

Piangi had a soft and slightly high voice, which I was not prepared for

Firmin said he performed at a music festival near Dallas (where my grandma is from) and she gave an affirmative that he was talking about the right one

AND HERE’S THE BEST FUCKING PART

THIS IS A SIGN FORM THE HEAVENS AND THE MUSICAL THEATER DEITIES THAT THIS SHOW AND I ARE MEANT TO BE

SO AN UNDERSTUDY WAS PLAYING PHANTOM

HIS NAME IS GREG MILLS

HIS BIO SAID THAT HE PLAYED RAOUL IN A NATIONAL TOUR

I’VE SEEN TWO NATIONAL TOUR SHOWS BEFORE GOING TO BROADWAY

WHEN HE SIGNED I MENTIONED THAT THIS WAS MY FIRST LIVE BROADWAY SHOW AND THAT WE CENTERED THE WHOLE TRIP AROUND IT

HE ASKED WHERE WE’RE FROM

WE TOLD HIM

HE SAYS OH I DID A NATIONAL TOUR AS RAOUL IN HOUSTON

I ASKED WAS IT THE 2015 ONE (BECAUSE THAT WAS THE MOST RECENT ONE)

HE SAID NO IT WAS EARLIER THEN MUTTERS SOME DATES IT COULD’VE BEEN AROUND

EVENTUALLY HE SAYS YEAH IT WAS 2008

AND I ALMOST SCREAMED

AND I TOLD HIM THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER SAW PHANTOM OF THE OPERA EVER

AND HE LOOKS AT ME TRYING TO CALCULATE MY MENTAL AGE BC I’M OBVIOUSLY REALLY YOUNG AND SO I TELL HIM HOW OLD I AM AND HE JUST KINDA MUTTERS “God I feel old” AND I SAY SORRY

BUT THEN HE SAYS HE’S GLAD I LIKED THAT SHOW BC I OBVIOUSLY LIKED IT ENOUGH TO SEE IT AGAIN

I TOLD HIM HE WAS GREAT AS RAOUL AND YES I DID ENJOY IT VERY MUCH

THEN AS WE WENT BACK TO OUR HOTEL MY GRANDMA AND I LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND I JUST KINDA SQUEALED “He was in the first show I saw!!!!” AND SQUEEZED MY GRANDMA

SHE SAID THAT WAS AWESOME AND I AGREE

I’M GONNA BE SCREAMING THIS UNTIL THE DAY I DIE

IF ANYONE WONDERS WHY PHANTOM IS BROADWAY’S LONGEST-RUNNING SHOW WHEN PERFECTLY GOOD MUSICALS ARE UNJUSTLY GETTING AXED DOWN RIGHT AND LEFT

THIS IS REASON ENOUGH FOR IT TO STAY ON BROADWAY

JUST FUCKING

HE WAS IN THE FIRST PHANTOM I EVER SAW AND THEN IN THE FIRST PHANTOM I SAW ON BROADWAY

THIS IS FATE

THIS IS A SIGN

OMG I SERIOUSLY CAN’T EVEN ASIUHGILUSHDFOISDNRTLAU;VTOIUSRIOT;NVS;ODIUARODGHJ;S

And this concludes my thought on Phantom of the Opera on Broadway

#Phantom of the Opera #phantom #erik #raoul #christine #phantom of the opera broadway #broadway #musicals #I can't even #I'm in love #this is a sign #this is fate #I can die happy now #thank you god for this opportunity #good shit right here

[daigina-3]

I just want you to answer this or make another post with ALL of Isak's problematic things/wrong things he did and the developement and everything he did better... from s1 to s4. And even Even's because these noorhelms seems to think we only see noorhelm's problems. First of all, noorhelm didnt have a development. Isak and Even did. Explain to these assholes why we love Evak but not Noorhelm even when Evak had problematic moments too.

Okay I have a minute to answer this cause I’m on break.Okay listen. Listen. Sometimes I use a hyperbolic tone because that’s one way humor can be expressed in the English language. This means I will exaggerate what I say. Does this mean I don’t hate William/Daniel/Alex/ whatever? No, they’re all Bad characters. Badly written in their development, their actions, their reasoning, their capacity to invoke empathy. Bad. But also I’m not out here trying to start a war with absolutely everyone in the world who likes William and all his boring, played out reincarnations. I don’t know if someone’s been tryna fight with you, but idk I just don’t like people coming in here being like “SHOW ALL THESE ASSHOLES WHATS GOOD” like. Bruh chill? I can’t see why noorhelms stan, and sometimes I poke fun, but as long as they’re not jerks, in reality who cares? Do not get me wrong. I hate William and noorhelm and I’m not looking forward to season two of Skam austin. I think Julie is a deeply flawed writer if she can’t see what she’s doing for a second time with this guy. I think she’s putting her own weird perceptions above what makes a good story and a good character. I have hope the writers of Druck will make major changes like Chris (the actor who plays Alex) discussed recently in a video on insta. Let us pray. But next time you ask can we?? Like take a moment to fuckin breathe lmaoNow, I don’t think you’re wrong- in that EVERYONE in SKAM is flawed. Even and Isak as a couple are flawed, and some things were never resolved. Like Even doing Sonja wrong and cheating on her. It’s shitty, it’s a position Isak didn’t want to be in the middle of (again), it’s something Sonja never deserved. And we get a little closure when Sonja apologizes for how she talked to Isak, that she’s not mad anymore. But what’s more than that we get to empathize with Even- we get to hear from his own mouth how he thinks Sonja is controlling, we get to see in his little physical cues his regret, we get to see what he means when Sonja herself invalidates Isak and Evens relationship. Even did a bad thing, but as an audience we don’t villainize him because we can relate to him, empathize with him, feel sympathy for him. Breaking away from Isak and even because they’re not the only people in this damn show- I fucking hated season 1 Jonas. He was such a fucking asshole, and every time I watch a new version of Skam I hate him sooo much lmao (not u German Jonas, I love u bby you good). Especially OG Jonas- he invalidated Eva’s feelings, insulted her intelligence, made fun of her to her face with his friends (when she was clearly self conscious), and escalated her paranoia with lying and then blamed her completely when she acted on that paranoia (Although we know Eva shouldn’t have done some of the shit she did). But we see moments of them bonding, we see Eva fighting back (the video game scene where she mouths off to him and he’s like WHATS UR PROBLEM???), we also Jonas being told the way he spoke to Eva was wrong, and they ultimately leave the relationship on equal and peaceful footing. We also see them fuck in a fucking CAR WASH JULIE WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK???? weird ass My point is everyone in Skam has flaws and the way William stands out (I’ve said this a million damn times this is probably the last time I’m gonna reiterate my self) is that Williams mistakes, flaws, etc are never addressed directly. More often than not any conflict involving William is resolved when William isn’t even THERE. He’s an asshole? Someone else tells Noora his tragic backstory in a really long boring clip. Noora thinks the bottle thing was too much? She ends up talking it out with SANA instead in what is the longest boringest clip of all time. He has a part in Vilde’s spiral in s1? He claims it could never be TOTALLY caused by a couple words he says (despite Julie showing us the opposite in s1 when she QUOTES him and we know him saying she’s not good enough carried significance with her) and the whole thing is over. He never, himself, shows the kind of vulnerability, apologizes, admits fault, etc etc. the most unforgiving instance being how he treated Noora (TWICE) in relation to her sexual assault, both times icing her out and pushing her away, effectively punishing her further and making this about HIM. The first time is never discussed, and the second we got the vague “we talked about everything” bs which like?? He gets his own damn CLIP and you can’t even reference one line of what they talked about? God Julie I fuckin HATE YOU MAN WHAT TH Yeah anyway. Let this be my officia last testimony on my feelings about Williams stupid fucking character, I don’t got the energy to talk about his dumb ass for a long ass time, I have to save it for when Julie makes me mad all over afuckingGAIN in s2 so. Also don’t be an asshole to people over a fucking TV show guys.

[loveump3]

jams meme: best of 2017

@blotthis tagged me in a jams meme!! thank you :D since it’s the new year, i thought i’d do a little retrospective of some of my favorite songs to come out of 2017! so here we goooo

“i wish” by wjsn

this song came out literally 3 days into the new year, but as soon as i heard it i knew it would be one of my top tracks of 2017. and i was right!! i loved “happy” too, and “happy moment” was one of my favorite albums this year, but i’ll always be especially weak for wjsn’s spacey concepts. this song is so pretty and light and pink, and the mv is a lisa frank dream, and the choreography is so whimsical and charming… great on all fronts. all hail the rookie pop princesses.

“wanted! wanted!” by mrs. green apple

mga have become one of my top favorite bands after i discovered them earlier in the year. i love how sweet and fizzy and fun their music is, and i love their lead singer motoki’s voice (i’m not sure what it is about it, but it makes me so happy). i feel like this song is a great example of their particular super-hyper brand of pop. this is a good one to blast in the car :o)

“vanilla” by fickle friends

another band that’s shot to the top of my list of favorites after finding them this year! their sparkly-pool-water 80s vibe is sooo up my alley. i love the percussion and the bright guitars in this song, and i have such a crush on natassja’s voice. (i’d also highly recommend “swim,” which has been one of my top jams this year and is also my favorite fickle friends song, and which i would have included, but it it came out in 2016, lol.)

“the song” by zion.t

i loved this song the moment i heard it. zion.t has one of my favorite voices not just in kpop but in general, and it sounds sooo nice and smooth here. and the simplicity of the song is so good?? it’s nothing frilly or explosive, it’s just a pleasant little tune. i like that the lyrics reflect that too—i love the “i’m not trying to write a hit song, i just want to write you something sweet” attitude. also for whatever reason i think the line “let’s stick together all day like alley cats” is so cute? and the mv is so wonderfully bizarre (the colors are sooo good). the rest of the album is great too; got me through a lot of shifts at work.

“when you love someone” by day6

i really thought “dance dance” was gonna hold tight to the title of Emma’s Favorite Every DAY6 song, but then “when you love someone” came out and immediately took its place. this song like the aural equivalent of a warm hug and a hot drink and it makes my heart feel so at peace every time i hear it :( also the lyrics are a complete K-O. those first few every day6 releases were SO ANGSTY, and even though i loved them i was like “will poor youngk ever write a happy relationship song???” but then he started releasing shit like this and it killed me and i immediately regretted ever asking. (also not to be a bitter betty but i’m still cheesed that we never got resolution on sungjin and wonpil’s story!!!!!!!! @ jyp i still have questions)

“we find love” by daniel caesar

“freudian” has become one of my new favorite albums. it’s so perfect for the winter—daniel caesar’s woozy gospel sound is so warm and cozy. there’s not a song on the album that i don’t love, but this one is particularly soothing and comfy. with the harmonized background vocals and the gentle piano, it sounds like something you’d hear on the radio late at night when you’re tucked into bed trying to fall asleep while the snow is drifting down outside. and daniel’s voice has this… i don’t know how to explain it. he sounds so assured and smooth when he sings, like he’s been doing this forever. i can’t get enough.

“cut to the feeling” by carly rae jepsen

2017 was the year that i remedied my worst mistake of never having listened to the power-pop gem that is carly rae jepsen’s 2015 album “e•mo•tion,” and is it too hyperbolic to say that that changed me as a person?? her brand of fizzy fluttery 80s-inspired sugar is everything i didn’t realize i needed. i’m dying for a new crj album, but in the meantime, “cut to the feeling” has done a good job of holding me over—it’s all the shout-about-your-crush-from-the-rooftops euphoria that miss carly does so well. extremely good for car rides, especially when the bridge kicks in.

“praying” by kesha

kesha has been my other pop queen this year. i liked her before, but then i listened to “rainbow” and cried like three different times while doing so, and i fell in love. every single song off of “rainbow” is great (the range of style is amazing, she goes from acoustic to pop to rock to country and back, and each one is just as great as the last), but “praying” is so raw and special; it doesn’t matter how many times i hear it, it hits me just as hard every time. i love how it builds—from the simmering power of the first chorus, to the stomp of the second (those pounding piano chords really get me), to the fireworks of the last (that fucking whistle note!!!!!!!!! also the way she sings “some say in life you gonna get what you give, but some things only god can forgive” with those horns behind her in the bridge…….i get shivers every time)… every second of it hurts so good. you can feel all that anger and pain, and also the euphoria and the healing. i’m so glad that kesha is finding herself again; she deserves the best.

“mic drop” by bts

i thought “baepsae” was my favorite “kiss my ass” bts banger, but then “her” came out and “mic drop” fuckin beat “baepsae” to a bloody pulp. the original and the desiigner/steve aoki remix are both sooo good: i love the dark grungy slink of the original, which sounds like it could play during the trailer for a movie about a scrappy gang of crime syndicate underlings who are sick and tired of being underestimated just because they’re all so young, so they’re ready to go off the books and pull a heist so big, no one will ever underestimate them again; but i also love the extra shot of adrenaline in the remix—desiigner’s verse is like whiplash (seriously, how does he manage to rap that fast???), and minimizing that bouncy little riff in the verses to focus on the vocals and the beat makes the chorus hits so much harder (also the “hella thick”/“hella sick” echoes are so much FUN to sing along to (and of course yoongi’s “baby watch your mouth” is…great, to say the least)). i really couldn’t pick between the two versions; although they share a teeth-bared-knuckles-bruised attitude, they’ve got unique vibes to me and i love them differently. that said, i’m linking to a performance of the original version because 1) yoongi and hoseok’s undone bow ties are really fucking me up; 2) apparently the reason why yoongi doesn’t do the last line of his verse is to prove to people accusing them of lip-syncing that they don’t use a track when they perform, which cracks me up because that’s such a yoongi thing to do; and 3) whoever wrote the captions added some little personal notes of their own and they’re so CUTE and funny.

“beautiful” by monsta x

idek what to say about this song anymore; it’s been 9 months and those opening bars still make my heart race. “beautiful” has become not only one of my favorite songs of 2017 but one of my favorite songs period. i’m a mess for mx and i love everything they do, but this song is really something else—rap line are in top fucking form, vocal line kill it (minhyuk’s lines are a Blessing), and the choreography is still one of my favorites from this year. i’ve listened to this song so many times i really thought i was gonna get sick of it, but i haven’t yet, and i don’t think i will.

“baby” by astro

i’m surprised my teeth haven’t rotted out of my skull after how many times i’ve listened to “baby” this year, because this song is like pure sugar. i love the snappy percussion and the bouncy bass and the bright melody, and astro have such sweet vocals to boot (especially mj, oh man ;___;). and the choreography is so!! good!!! it’s got this old-fashioned swing to it that i love. ugh. it’s all perfect. i remember a few months ago i was having a bad day for whatever reason, but after i watched a few live stages of this i instantly felt better.

“new fears” by lights

“skin&earth” was hands-down one of my top favorite releases of 2017—it’s the gritty post-apocalyptic cyberpunk album of my dreams. i’ve loved lights since like middle school, and it’s so amazing to see how her music has grown and changed; this is my favorite work from her so far. “skin&earth” has SO many good tracks, but “new fears” is probably my favorite. i love the eerie beginning, and the heavy beat in the chorus, and the lyrics!!!!!! they nail that feeling of “i would give myself up to keep you safe” in such a raw and heart-wrenching and beautiful way. just reading them gives me chills. the idea of getting new fears when you start really caring about someone……i never would’ve thought of it that way but it’s so true. UGH! lights if ur reading this i love u

“do it” by masc

god am i glad i stumbled across this one night when i was catching up on mvs, because masc have become one of my new favorite groups. i love the retro vibe, their vocals are so good (heejae’s voice…i’m weak), the choreography is SO freakin cute (i’m still not over the superman move in the chorus), and the mv is so colorful and goofy (two of my favorite things!)… truly a dream. the fan service dance practice and honestly any of the live stages are also a delight.

so there’s some of my faves! happy new year everyone!!! 2017 you kinda sucked sometimes but thanks for at least bringing some sweet jams. i’ll tag @anyhao @shinwhoohoo and @onlyoongi if you’d like to share some of what you’ve been listening to lately!

#tagged in #there are so many honorable mentions but if i listed all of those we'd be here all day lol #these are the ones that stuck out to me though #also i'm sorry if this somehow tagged anyone twice slkdfj the links didn't work the first time so i'm trying to repost #pls work this time

[ais-n]

Editing (and writing) tips

I recently got a question asking about writing tips in general, and especially related to editing. For privacy reasons, as usual, I won’t name the person–but I’m writing a post here instead of replying directly because 1) I always ramble like fuuuuuuuck and 2) maybe someone else out there is curious about the same thing from my perspective.

First, as always, I’m obviously not a professional. You’ll definitely want to go with what professionals say, if anything goes against my thoughts. But for what it’s worth, I helped a family member edit her book and a professional who worked with her on the book was really impressed with my feedback. Which I am not saying to pat myself on the back; I say only to mention that maybe, hopefully, some of this is useful and not totally leading people down the wrong path lol

If it’s easier for you to read this on another site, or if it doesn’t let you click the “read more” link, you can find this entire post also on my blog here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/2017/07/04/editing-and-writing-tips/

Writing

I have some posts on writing advice here: http://ais-n.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice — and there should be some that Santino and/or I wrote under “writing questions” here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/icos-master-list-feb-2016-edition (Note that there may be some overlap between the two links, also I’m not sure if all those links still work–if you see any specifically that don’t, let me know).

I have lots of thoughts on writing, but they’re all pretty informed by my personal writing style which is very much aimed toward writing what makes sense for that story and those characters, and “rules” be damned. I don’t like the idea of confining oneself to expectations if it interferes with the natural, organic progression of a story. That does mean I tend to go pretty hardcore into stuff I write because if I’m writing a dark story, I’m not going to pull punches; and I tend to add a fair amount of darkness into my stories because it doesn’t feel realistic to me otherwise. But this also means my style doesn’t work for people who want to feel like they always know what’s coming or at least know the limits to which the story will go. After all, as we’ve seen, you cannot trust me to not totally fuck up a character because it feels like the right progression for me. And that’s not fun for some people to read, you know? But it’s super hard for me to write a more chill story because it’s not the kind of story I tend to read. I try to do it and then I get bored, but other people can do that same concept and story in a fantastically beautiful way and really excel at it.

What I mean by this aside is that I have maybe a bit of an odd  viewpoint on writing stories compared to some more traditional or mainstream views, so that may make me a terrible person to ask for thoughts for you, or it may make me someone who vibes better with your personal style. I think it’s most important we’re all genuine to ourselves so whatever writing style works for you is the perfect style for your stories. There’s a story out there for every occasion, every voice, every idea, every feeling.

There is no right or wrong way to write; in my opinion, the only way you can do anything “wrong” is by not believing in your own personal voice, your own personal style; by silencing your individuality if it doesn’t fit the stronger, louder voice. If it does fit, that’s perfect and you should run with it. If it doesn’t, don’t change yourself or your world or characters or story into something it isn’t. That feeling of dissonance will be what is taken away from your story instead of the story itself, at least to readers like me. Because I do believe what Maya Angelou said is true: people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. In my personal opinion both as a reader and a writer, I think that applies to stories as well.

I also think research is really important but I guess that’s a whole other thing. I’m getting too much into writing tips right now so I’ll leave it at this and the linked posts above — but if anyone is curious about anything in particular, let me know. If you’d be curious about my personal thoughts on anything, I’m happy to answer

Editing:

Editing is a pain, but also kind of fun. I have a few thoughts on it– most of what I’m first talking about below is you editing your own work. I touch a little on editing someone else’s work afterward.

**Read or edit for the overall flow as much (or IMO more) than you do the specific grammatical nitpicking. I know that’s going to go against what a lot of people feel about editing, but here’s the thing: stories are translations of the heart, whether it’s the heart of the overall story, the heart of the writer, the heart of the characters, the heart of the reader, the heart of whatever it represents. To me, a story is poetry on a larger scale, or it’s a song, or it’s whatever artistic endeavor that represents something that, to you, feels moving or meaningful.

Yes, it’s important that we understand what you’re trying to say. For that, yes, having someone check the grammar is definitely useful.

But the rules of grammar are not the rules of language. That may sound like an odd thing to say because, yeah, technically it is– but think about when you’re learning a new language. If it’s anything like when I’ve taken classes in the multiple languages I’ve taken classes in, the teacher tells you all the specific grammatical rules so you’re speaking properly, politely, in complete sentences with all the correct intonation and all the right tenses. You can definitely get your thoughts across if you learn a language that way, in that people will understand the concept of what you’re saying because you are literally speaking textbook to them.

But then think about your native language. Do you speak or type grammatically correct all the time? Do you avoid contractions, run-on sentences, do you not indulge in hyperbole, do you not have fun dropping an Oxford comma or two? If you’re feeling an intense emotion, aren’t you even more likely to play the strings of the language you know best? Changing vocabulary to emphasize meaning or form, adding intensity in your tone or your chosen verbal attack, throwing in swear words or cutting your sentences in half then in half again and again until it’s just partial words because you’re too upset or excited or something else to properly form a complete sentence?

There may be people out there who don’t do this, I don’t know. But for me, this is how I function, and it seems to me how a lot of people around me function. We rarely speak perfectly politely, perfectly properly, in our native tongue 100% of the time. Even languages built very much on the concept of polite and proper, even cultures with a clear sense of in group vs out group, have variations set in place in their language to indicate intimacy, friendship, a sense of understanding. Those levels are there so we can share that connection with others in something as simple as the word we choose when we call them, or the name we use when they come close.

To me, stories are like levels of language. There are different ways of telling the stories based on the story that’s being told. If it’s a character who’s distant or cold, or a setting that requires a sense of detachment, writing in very proper, polite, grammatically perfect sentences makes sense because it provides that sense of out group you would get in your native tongue. If it’s a story that should feel visceral, cloying, catastrophically vulnerable, then it’s meaningful to write in an ebb and flow of emotion dependent on the feeling of the character or the feeling the writer wants to create within the reader. Words breathe life into the story they relay, so the chosen words matter. Most of the time, I think stories benefit from a variation in the telling of them; perfect in some places, very imperfect in others, a constant reflection of the tapestry of emotions and motion in the world or story itself, or a view into the mind of the character displayed.

So, although it’s important to have someone who can help with any egregious and unhelpful grammatical mistakes, or spelling errors or the like, I also don’t think that should be the primary focus. It’s the sort of thing that’s important to take into account so that no poor wording accidentally jolts the reader from the story, but it shouldn’t be the be all and end all because that could result in losing the more emotional flow needed for what the story is trying to get across.

I think of it like this: writers are the translators for a character’s life. How would the characters feel at different points in the story, and therefore how best can that be worded to make the reader feel the same way reading it? How can you make the reader feel like they are experiencing that same emotion the character is feeling? That’s the best way to bring alive a world or plot or character, in my mind: by making it real.

**Read, reread, reread again, but leave time in between. One of the best things I think you can do right after you finish writing a story is set it aside and do not touch it or think about it for a time period that makes sense for the length of story you wrote, or whatever makes sense for you as a person. I like to give it at least a week, and if it’s a story I worked on for a long time, maybe even months.

Obviously you have to go according to if you have a deadline or not, or whatever other factors are affecting you in your life and situation. If it’s a short story, okay then maybe you really only need to set it aside for a day or a few hours before getting back in there. But if it’s something you labored on at length, you need to give yourself a clarity you can’t achieve by immediately starting over at the top. I wrote Incarnations over the course of 20 years, for example, and I ended up finishing it in October 2016, set it aside for most of November and December, did the occasional spot checking and spot editing throughout through February or March 2017, and didn’t really fully reread it until May 2017. Now it’s going into July 2017, and I’m still editing it again, I just started rereading from the start, and I’m still finding things that can use improvement. But I’m happy about it, because the improvements I’m seeing are ones that I think are valuable, and they’re things I obviously didn’t notice any of the many times I reread these early chapters in the years preceding this month.

So, finish your story and then push it aside and don’t think about it right away. Do other things. I like to watch TV shows I like, play games that are fun, turn to manga, whatever it is that relaxes you and may also inspire you, without being too closely connected to the source material (aka, your book) where it won’t let you fully get that distance. That’s why I like to use other media like movies, TV shows, etc, instead of other books because it’s too easy to fall back into a comparative mindset on something too parallel.

That sounds a little crazy, I know, but you could send it off to other people in that interim if that makes sense to you. (That’s what I did — in October when I finished Incarnations, I sent it to my 4 betas which then gave them plenty of time to look it over in the months I was laying low. And just in late June I got another beta who is looking at the whole thing with fresh eyes, which is good because now she has the  copy of the book that included all the improvements I made between myself and my betas’ suggestions.) I think it’s important to have that break, whether you send it to others or simply set it aside for no one to read for some time. You don’t want to go so long that you never pick it up again, but you want to give yourself time to distance yourself from all the decisions big and small you made in the course of writing it.

The reason for this is so that when you go back and reread it from beginning to end, you are looking at it with fresh eyes. You’re going to be more likely to notice things that need fixing that way; whether it’s a poorly done transition, or maybe an idea on how to improve a whole section, or maybe you realize you need to remove this piece so that another part shines. Ideally, you will want to reread a few times, and give yourself some space again in between at some point.

You will always find things you missed or things that need to be improved, no matter how many times you reread and edit it, no matter how many people look at it. Stories are living, breathing evolutions of the heart. They will always feel both very right and very wrong, because they will always strike you a little different every time you review them.

**Save everything! This is another suggestion that probably a lot of people will disagree with, but personally I’m a pack rat. I keep all the old versions of everything I ever write, because I find it helpful sometimes to pull inspiration from the past, or to double check that I made the right decision on this or that. Or sometimes in the course of editing and rereading and reviewing, you’ll realize that a scene you wrote previously that you removed is one that still keeps coming back to you.

That happened with me in Incarnations, to give you an example to explain what I mean. As I mentioned, I’ve been working on that book on and off for 20 years. In the course of that time, I kept writing new beginnings to the book,  doing random new scenes, trying to find something to jumpstart my interest in a story I loved but a book that was hard for me to write. In one of those incarnations (no pun intended  ;p), I had a scene of some characters walking into a town, and the way that town felt to the POV character. I actually wrote probably 3 or 4 versions of this same scene, from different POVs, of them walking into this town. I really liked the scene, and I really wanted that scene to start the book for a long time, and for a long time it did.

At some point I chose a different character’s POV as the main scene, and then eventually I decided to cut out that scene entirely and take pieces of it with the same POV character but write a totally different scenario. So I ended up scrapping that entire start of a chapter I had. I know many people who would simply delete that because it isn’t relevant anymore, but being a pack rat, I didn’t.

Years passed and I got to the point in the book where all the characters go to that town. But because of the way I was jumping back and forth chronologically between character POVs, I decided to totally scrap the scene of them entering the town, and instead you would see them heading toward it, then the next time you saw them they would have been there for hours and there would be a recap in narration of what happened up until that point. I felt like that was fine in writing it and editing it and that’s what I did. But then, after I gave myself those months of not rereading it front to back, after I gave myself time to spot check other parts, when I reread it with fresh eyes I felt like it was jarring having that time skip.

I needed to add back in a scene of them entering the town; of the impact it had on them. If I had deleted that scene for good, it would have been incredibly frustrating for me because I remembered liking what I’d had before, I remembered having most of it written out, I knew it would be so much faster to find that and add it back in and edit it for flow instead of rewriting from scratch. And because I keep everything, because I use Scrivener where everything is in one place, because I have it organized just well enough for me to know where to find the folder of old chapters and old chapter parts, it was easy for me to find that scene, incorporate it into a new chapter, and edit out the narration info dump in the other chapter that had thrown off the flow.

When you’re on your 3rd, 4th, 20th time of rereading or editing a story, it’s way too frustrating to think about having to write something completely new. It feels like, come on, I should be over that part, I should have the freedom to not have to totally write a brand new chapter. But you may find that previous ideas you had actually do work better to bring back into the fold instead of leaving out. If you delete everything you did along the way, you will double or triple your frustration at the point you need it. And if you’re anything like me, you may delay yourself significantly in going forward because you’ll be too frustrated by your lack of forethought to want to deal with what you need to do in the present.

You may find you never reuse your old bits and pieces–you may think, that doesn’t apply to me, if I delete something I know I want it gone for good, I don’t care about what it was before because if I need to add something I want to add something brand new. That may be how you function so that may work wonderfully and therefore, you may be tempted to delete things just so you get it out of your way. I would still recommend saving everything, for an entirely different reason as well. It’s nice to see where you were, to know where you are now. It can be good for yourself to see how you used to write so you can see your improvements.

But even more than that, if your story ever makes it big or even has a meaningful impact on one other person, they may really appreciate having that insight into how the story started vs what it became. I know I personally like having that insight for myself, and for stories I enjoy I always love to have all the drafts and tidbits and whatever else I can find, because it makes the world feel even more real to me. It can be inspirational to other people, or it can simply be a fun extra for a story or world they adore.

Think about JKR — think of all the people who would love to have the airplane bag she wrote the Hogwarts houses on first, or the notepads she originally wrote the plot ideas on, because Harry Potter is important to them. She may have seen those as something to throw away back then, in the case of the airplane bags something literally made to be discarded, and yeah it was just ink on a throwaway bag. But it was the beginning of something so much more. She can never get back that bag if she throws it out, but if she keeps it, it can be a constant reminder to her of where she started and where she is now, or an inspiration to other writers that you don’t need all the biggest and best programs and computers and training to write. You just need a story you want to tell, and a means to write it down.

**Notes are great. Speaking of notes, I think they’re great! I use Scrivener when I’m writing, and it helps soooooo much in editing too. One of the things I do as I write and edit and reread is I’m constantly leaving comments to myself in the story. I leave comments about “this is what’s happening in the background of this scene” or “this is what’s meaningful about this particular wording from the character” or “this is what that means even though it won’t come up for a long time” or “why did I do this? check if I want to keep it” or “hey I just got a great idea on how I can incorporate this into a future idea, note to self remember to add this in later” and so on and so forth. Because I’m wordy as fuck, some of those comments are basically a short story on their own. But they give me so much more context than I  would have otherwise had, and there have been many times that I totally forgot about the significance of something, only to see it mentioned in a comment and say to myself, “Oh hey! That’s actually really cool…”

When editing, those comments are invaluable to help remind me of what I was thinking when I first wrote something. Also, it helps me see if something bugged me in previous rereading or editing, so that I can decide if I do eventually want to delete or change a part or if I want to keep it. It lets me compare my current editing thoughts against previous editing or writing thoughts, which gives me a much more faceted view of every step along the way.

**Have beta readers, ideally from different perspectives. I think having multiple, trusted people read your story is important after you’ve finished it. They will have an outside perspective you won’t, and they may notice things you missed. They may have great ideas for improvement that wouldn’t have occurred to you, and they may have feedback for some of the ideas you had that just aren’t working for them as readers. You want that variance of view because it will give you a much more faceted experience of your story than you would get if you only look at it yourself, or only choose yes men as your feedback.

**Find a critic. Along the lines of beta readers, it’s important to have betas who will read the story for the overall flow, the overall emotional impact, and give you feedback on that. How did the story make them feel? How did the characters connect or not connect with them, and why? These are important factors in a story. And yeah, maybe this character shouldn’t be connecting with readers, maybe that’s the whole point– but then that gives you a good idea that you were on the right track with how you wrote that.

But you can never improve if you only seek out people who will tell you all the great things you’re doing, and none of the bad. No story is perfect, there is no book that can’t be improved. You don’t want to get all the way to the point of releasing the story and only then find all the flaws in it, where it becomes a criticism on a grander scale and can even affect word of mouth, or whether or not people choose to read it. You will never make it perfect, but it’s good to know ahead of time what people may fault the story for, so you have time to determine if you find fault in that as well and want to fix it, or if for you it’s something that is there purposefully, that shouldn’t change, at which point you will have a better answer ready for when the questions come about why this or why that.

Find someone who will constructively criticize your story–someone who will nitpick details, challenge the rules of the world, ask you to explain or justify why this or that choice was made. You should be able to answer all those questions, give reasons for all those challenges. If you can’t, that gives you a really good view of the parts of your story that may need improvement, or perhaps areas that don’t flow well with the rest.

Find the level of critic that makes sense for what you’re doing. If you’re doing a fun little story that isn’t a serious endeavor, then you don’t need someone who will rip it to shreds because that may not be the point of the story. But if you’re writing an epic series with an intricate plot, it would behoove you to get that other perspective that will be pulling apart the story as they read to give you clues to what thoughts may be going through a reader’s mind, and what needs to be added, changed, or removed to improve that experience.

Again, it’s important this person gives you constructive criticism — just being told you write like shit isn’t helpful. You need someone who will pinpoint problem areas and tell you why and how it needs help. Ideally, that person will also be a great bouncing board for you to figure out solutions to those problems.

**Follow critical people. Another thing I like to do is find people who do constructive criticism of books we all know or love; popular series, indie series, it doesn’t matter. There are writers, editors, critics, etc, out there who post about why they did or didn’t like this or that thing. You need to find someone who is fair about it; who doesn’t just rip into everything to be a jerk, but who will constructively address issues they see in stories in whatever media they follow.

Having them go through stories we all know can be really useful, because then you have something to compare against as a fellow reader. Do you agree with their criticism or assessment of this story or that plot or this character? Why or why not? Do you never agree with their criticisms, or do you mostly agree but sometimes not? That will give you a really good idea of where they’re coming from in their own perspective when they’re looking at stories, so then you know how to interpret recommendations they give generally or specifically in stories they’re reading.

You can then look at what they’re saying about these books you have also read, what they see as the problems and what they see as the solutions, and then apply that mindset to your own story and try to see from the perspective they would have for your work. What do you think they would say needs to change? What do you think they would say is the reason? Do you agree? How can you adjust it so that their criticism wouldn’t apply but that you still feel comfortable you are keeping the story real to its needs?

One of my favorite people who does this is Whitley over at http://readingwithavengeance.com/. She also has a whole section on writing tips or thoughts here: http://readingwithavengeance.com/tagged/on-writing. What I like about Whitley is she’s funny and snarky in places, but she isn’t mean. She explains why she feels how she feels, she will be very critical of things that make no sense to her, but she gives suggestions for how it might have been improved, and even in a book she loathes she will always say if this or that line or part or plot point actually is done well. Also, she usually overviews what’s happening and often goes chapter by chapter, so you could read an entire book through her criticisms alone, and know everything that happened in the book while also knowing how she felt about it. It’s sort of like having director commentary for a book, only it’s critic commentary. I used to religiously follow her blog and haven’t as much lately only because I’m on tumblr less, but I do love her perspective from when I followed her in the past. I actually was going to hire her to review Incarnations, but the book is so long that it would cost me a fortune to have her look at it, which is a shame because I think she would have a wonderful perspective. But speaking of, some of the people who are critics like Whitley actually can be hired as an editor of your book–consider that as an option if it makes sense for you.

But you don’t have to agree with Whitley–I mention her as an example of someone I personally really like, but you may like someone else. Point being, find that person who resonates with you, see what issues they have with stories they are critiquing, and turn that critical thinking onto your own story to see if you fall into the same tropes as that book and if so, see if you think it can be improved.

**Don’t be afraid to change things, and don’t be afraid to keep things. Make the story true to the world, the characters, and you; don’t compromise anything that’s really important to you to keep, just because someone says it doesn’t meet expectations or genre rules or whatever other explanation. But also don’t just dismiss what they’re saying because you don’t like it; really consider their feedback, their point of view, their suggestions. If it’s something that’s too important to keep, then even if they recommend you remove it, figure out a compromise that lets you keep what you want to keep without detracting from the quality of the overall story. Value their contributions and their viewpoint without replacing your own with theirs simply because you’re insecure.

**Don’t see editing as an extended means of failure. Don’t see editing as something that is only showing you your failures. If there are a lot of mistakes in your story, if a lot of things need to be changed, if you feel like in the end you’re changing more than you’re keeping–none of this is indicative of failure, and so you shouldn’t feel down about it. It’s all about improving the rough edges of your story so it can truly shine, and in that way it will not detract from the characters or world or plot it covers.

Constructive criticism and beta readers can provide an invaluable source of feedback, but it’s also important you ask them to tell you what does work. You need to know where you did well for the story, and where it can be improved. But know that improving something isn’t showing you failed in the original writing of it; it only means you wrote something well enough that people understood where you wanted to go with it, but you didn’t have the other perspectives yet on how to take it there even further. We are all human beings with our own singular POV. That’s why it’s important to get those other thoughts, to help us expand our view. We still did a great job in the original writing of it no matter how much needs to change, because we still wrote it. We still got something out there into the world that wasn’t there before. We still became the voice for that world or character. All we’re doing now is finding a way to polish that voice so more people on a larger scale understand it better.

**Don’t let the rules rule you. There is a risk of me sounding a bit sassy in this section and I genuinely don’t mean to, but this happens to be a major frustration I have generally in life which comes out pretty well in this concept. I feel like I see people reference this idea of genre expectations sometimes in writing, and I don’t get it. I know, I know, I probably am the odd one out on this; I probably have a strange perspective that the professionals would say is all wrong. Maybe they’re right, or maybe I just don’t understand what people are trying to say. But the way I interpret this concept I’ve seen– that you have to fit certain rules to be “successful”–it’s just… it’s something that is so against the way I feel about life that it’s hard for me to reconcile.

The thing is, stories shouldn’t be cookie cutter. Sometimes they can fall into that mindset if everyone is so concerned with meeting the rules placed upon them that they aren’t following the rules or flow of their own world or story.

I personally feel like the library would be a pretty boring place if literally every book checked all the boxes and stayed in the boundaries of its particular genre. There’s no room for innovation there; no room for growth as a writer. At least, not for me for the way I write. Maybe for others, the boundaries of a genre don’t at all feel like all any sort of inhibitor for the story they can and will write, and so for them it probably makes a lot of sense to look at those rules and follow them because it may give them some parameters to start with for the story they want to write. I’m not saying people are wrong for following those rules or expectations if it works well for them; they should do whatever is most comfortable for them, most accurate to their ideals or tendencies. There are probably some phenomenal books out there that very much follow the rules of the genre, that stay within the boundaries, because those stories fit the genre so perfectly. But n that scenario,the writer is still being true to the story, it’s just that the way of being true to that story naturally remains within the genre itself. They aren’t compromising their world or story or book to stay in the boxes; their story flourishes in that area and doesn’t need to expand beyond it; may even be detrimental if it did.

That works perfectly well for them so they should do what’s best for them. But for those who don’t naturally feel comfortable staying in boundaries, or whose stories don’t tend to remain confined to a singular genre, they shouldn’t change no matter what they’re told. We need that variation in stories, in writers, in worlds. When people say that a story needs to stay within this or that box because of this or that reason, maybe because not every book can be LOTR or ASOIAF/GOT, or whatever, yeah, that’s true. Not every book can. But those series are well known because they were not conventional. Not everyone can be GRRM, yeah. But GRRM is GRRM, and probably was told he couldn’t be Tolkien. And Tolkien was probably told he was crazy.

Most really famous writers will tell you that they were rejected repeatedly before their story was accepted, even if that story is now astoundingly popular or considered groundbreaking in some form.

That’s why I don’t think it’s wise to listen to “you can only do __” because if everyone only does the same thing, then how is there any innovation or variety?

I’m not saying there’s nothing of value by staying within boundaries–there could be incredibly interesting, or well written stories, or even really creative ones, staying within the bounds. But not everyone who stays within boundaries will always be able to remain unique from everyone else stuck in those same boundaries. Eventually, as a numbers game, it will come to a point where much of the stories become reflective of each other.

Sort of like how you can have canon, then all the fanfic writers start writing their stories and being inspired by each other and having a lot of fun coming up with details to fill in the blanks of their information–and everyone is so inspired by and informed about the other stories in their same field that little details start to reflect each other. And then soon those ideas become facts that become indistinguishable from canon, even though they are fanon. Now, everyone is reflecting the same false concept because everyone saw it so frequently that they came to view it as a rule rather than an idea. That doesn’t at all mean all those fanfics are bad; there can still be phenomenally written ones in that fandom. But it does mean that now everyone is playing the same cards in slightly different ways, because they forgot that they could move beyond them. And now, a character who  had blue eyes in canon suddenly has purple because it transitioned from blue to indigo to blue-purple to purple, and now we’re all calling them something they aren’t, because we all thought we had to follow the same set of data points in a situation that is meant to give a person freedom from those expectations. That is, until someone else comes along who says, “Hey, I looked at the canon again and noticed the character’s eyes are blue, so now I’m going to write a story divorced from the unspoken rules of fanon” and if their story has merit, if what they wanted to tell was a good story and done well, they become a new voice bringing new ideas and new life info a fandom that had accidentally, in its love and devotion for the originating source, found itself stuck in self-assigned boundaries of expectations and rules that didn’t need to be there.

That’s how I see the concept of having to only write by the rules. If it works for the story, then go for it. If it doesn’t work for the story, don’t compromise just to check off those boxes.

Readers respond to the truth of a story, whatever that truth may be. They will notice more if a story is stifled to fit rules than they will if a story expands beyond the rules it was given, in order to grow.

If you want a comparison — In the Company of Shadows is a story some people really like. But when Santino and I wrote it, we knew absolutely nothing about the m/m genre. We just wrote what we wrote because it made sense for the story, the world, the characters, and we released it on AFFN and eventually it made its way through word of mouth into the m/m genre reading community. There are a lot of aspects of ICoS that don’t fit the genre, and some things that probably are considered something you should not do. But those are the parts of ICoS that people seem to value the most. If we had gone into that story deciding that the only  way to write a m/m series was to first immerse ourselves in the genre, and write down all the rules, and then follow them completely, ICoS would not be the story it is. And in my opinion, it would not have resonated with a lot of the people it did resonate with, and so it would not have had the impact it’s had. There are stories in m/m that flourish in m/m and they don’t need to change. ICoS is not one of them.

I was told, years ago, by someone who had been a friend that she didn’t need to read ICoS to know it would be shit, because I had told her how we wrote what we wrote because it felt right, and we didn’t know anything about the genre, we didn’t follow any rules. Her perspective was that it couldn’t possibly be good if it didn’t. She felt that it was imperative to know those rules first, to follow the genre boundaries, because otherwise it wasn’t going to fit that genre and therefore wouldn’t be a good story. This woman was upset at the time she said these things, so it’s possible she didn’t 100% mean everything she said, but I do think she did fully believe that perspective and viewpoint. There may have been other reasons going into why she said these things, perhaps something she had been told for her own stories that became a source of frustration for her that found an outlet in our conversation. I don’t know. All I know is, I will never agree with the idea that the value of a story is solely in the rules it follows, rather than the story itself.

**When you think you’re completely finished, set it aside for a little bit and read it again. You’ll probably find more things you want to change. And if not, you’ll  have the satisfaction of work well done and finally finished. Maybe you’ll be able to see all the wonderful scenes you wrote more that way. I find that happens for me… I can be pretty down about what I write, but if I give myself enough time and go back and reread it from a fresh perspective, sometimes I surprise myself in reading scenes or interactions or wording. Sometimes I think that something I did was genuinely well done. It’s important to give myself that allowance, that acknowledgment, as much as it is to always remember that I will never write a perfect story, and I will never reach a point where I can’t improve.

But that can be part of the adventure. Where can you go next as a writer? The idea of getting better doesn’t have to be something negative, looking at all the things you did wrong and how you weren’t good enough the first time. In my darker days that’s how I see things, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be something incredibly positive. Look at how much I can still learn, look at how far I can still expand, look at all the growth I have available to me in my future. That’s amazing. That’s something that gives me an endless source of education–which will allow me to always and always reach out in new and improved ways, to forge new connections and strengthen those new and valuable understandings.

The book Incarnations was 20 years ago, back when I called it Calling of the Onyx, back when it had some of the same characters but was completely different, back when I was that 12-14 year old kid wanting to write a fantasy novel about a female main character navigating her world of magic, with her getting to be the savior instead of some random male character always taking charge–that book had potential, but it had a long way to go. I recognized that even then; knew it wasn’t as good as it could be, and that’s what made me stop before I finished it and  start over, then start over again and again as the years passed, as I gained new life experiences, as I got a broader understanding of the world, as I had new ideas on how to improve or change or mitigate what I already had written. Calling of the Onyx was a passable book. It probably would have been considered good or at least decent for a preteen kid to write. Incarnations is so much better. Whether or not people will like it when it’s out, inherently Incarnations is a major improvement because I learned so much more in my life in the process of getting to the point where I could write a cohesive story, and finish the book for the first time. Now it’s part of a series, now it’s part of something much larger than it would have been before. There is great value in what was Calling of the Onyx, in the ideas I had back then, and that value helped inform the story I wrote over the following 20 years. But if I had stopped at CotO, if I had told myself I had to play by those rules only, I would have lost out on a lot of what came next. I wouldn’t have added so much more to the world building that I did, I wouldn’t have expanded the character base so much, I wouldn’t have done a lot of things.

Incarnations being a better book doesn’t devalue CotO; it honors what it was, and expands it into something more, something new with a reflective nod to the past. That’s what you can do any time you edit a story; value the old while honoring the new; honoring the old while valuing the new. With that willingness to listen to your thoughts and your betas, you can find a version of the story that fits its world or context best, without losing what makes it unique or meaningful.

And now that I spent so much more time waxing poetic about editing, it’s probably way too much to go into examples of how I edit other peoples’ work. If that’s something anyone has interest in, let me know and I can find examples that won’t contain spoilers or privacy concerns, or show a way of editing my own work as if I were editing someone else’s.

I don’t know if anything I said in this long post is of use to anyone. I do have an inherent need to push back against rules that I see as labels that try to confine or define me in ways I don’t agree with, because that’s something that is sort of inherent to me as a person. As an asexual, as a lesbian, as someone who’s so often been on the outside of the “norm” in so many big and small ways, I react strongly to being told I have to be boxed in by other peoples’ expectations. That informs a lot of the way I write and read stories; I don’t want to feel stifled there any more than I want to feel stifled in my living, breathing life. I don’t mean to be rude to anyone who feels otherwise about the way they write or edit, and I am not at all saying they are doing anything wrong– if it’s right for them, then in fact it’s extremely right for them to do.

But if you are a person like me, a writer or a reader who feels the way I feel on these things, then maybe the way I look at editing or writing will help you. Because at the very least, you’ll know you aren’t alone.

If that resonates with you, you may find some of the other posts I’ve made in the past to be helpful, like Never regret you and the Equality of Differences. Or, you may find some peace or connection in perusing my about Ais tag on my blog as linked or here on tumblr -- or my personal category on my blog. Whatever you choose, I’m wishing you all the very best.

#writing advice #writing #editing #about me #ask ais #long post

[aurimeanswind]

Sunday Chats—Furious Edition (4-9-17)

Here I am, in a post Fast 5, Fast and Furious 6, and Furious 7 world. I guess let’s talk about it.

Relaxing Sunday & Your Name

To kick things off, today was the first Sunday I officially had off from work since Christmas. I had missed a couple here and there, but it was either because I was sick or because of PAX. So this was the real deal. I mean, I should take some weekends off every now and again, but I never do. I almost always work Saturday and Sunday, and it is pretty killer. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, thus me sharing it with all you lovely readers.

So I kicked off my Sunday getting up early and going to a nice matinee. I had heard good things about Your Name, an anime ass anime movie, and I’m still hungering for romance (as always) so I made the time to go see it.

I really enjoyed it. Above all else, the film is astoundingly gorgeous. Some of the best drawn settings I think I have ever seen in a Japanese animation. The landscapes especially legitimately blew my away. It’s a love story between two young folks, a boy and girl, who keep switching bodies when they go to sleep. The premise is really cool, and they make it cute and wonderful in all the right places, and there were twists, which in general I didn’t expect. But there were aspects of it that were frustratingly long to come to fruition. For me, this tactic usually works very well, but it was just the pacing and the way the two characters were introduced that was very confusing or just not to my liking. In the end, I just needed those romantic feels, and I feel like I never fully got that payoff. The way it goes is something that I’ve seen a great deal in anime, and has worked for me in others (see: Waiting in the Summer) but I just don’t think there was enough of that relationship.

I still really liked it, and feel it was a well told story. It was Ghibli-eqsue, but more grounded, so worth a look

Fast and Furious I guess...

Okay I’ll talk about Fast and Furious.

I have been really hesitant to get into these because it’s y’know... cars. I don’t like cars. I like speed and action that involves cars, but the focus on cars usually gets away from me. And the focus around them was definitely my least favorite part about the three F&F movies I watched. I thought Fast 5 was by far the weakest, and I’m not sure why it’s regarded as the best. The intro was too long, and the big set piece scene of dragging the safe around, which was awesome, just went on for waaaaaay too long.

It was still a ton of fun though. Way more love for Gal Gadot because of her role in Fast 5 and 6. She was super cool, and one of my favorite of the team members. The assembling the team, the heist prep, the running from Rock-Cop, all of that worked for me, but I just felt there was more of it and it was better in F&F6.

I mean, Fast and Furious 6, as I was explaining to a friend earlier, is top-tier because of this incredible scene alone:

But 6 really just hit the ground running and never stopped. The London chase scene, the fucking tank, it was all so good.

Oh and this:

And Furious 7 was really great too. It was maybe too much for me because I was so fucking tired watching it I was falling asleep, but these movies are incredibly exhausting, to be fair. 

I appreciated multiple set pieces in Furious 7, instead of hanging on just one. Also to be fair: 6 had a bunch of great set pieces, but there were like six in Furious 7. It was fucking nuts.

I enjoyed them a ton, Fast and Furious 6 is like, far and away the best one to me, and maybe I’ll go see Fate of the 8. I don’t know. 

BUT THERE. I WATCHED THREE OF THEM. I SAW THE FIRST ONE A LONG TIME AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE JOEY NOELLE.

What’s on Tap

Since it’s just Persona 5 still, I’ll talk a bit more about it. I am about 55-60 hours in now, and I feel like maybe I’m halfway through? Maybe more.

LOVING IT. Literally everything about it is incredible and feels almost hand-made for me. It’s difficult for me to not be hyperbolic about it when I start thinking about it, but it’s also difficult for me to nail down what’s really all that great about it when I’m not in it and playing it. Like, a couple days removed form the last time I played it, I’m sitting here thinking, “well, is it really that good?” and that’s because I need to hold this to the highest of judgement. I can’t just say it’s better than Persona 4 Golden and mark it as my new #1 and be done, I need to be thorough here. As soon as I am a couple hours into my next play session, I’ll be head over heels again. I dream about it. I think about it always. I couldn’t even tell you why right now because it’s all hazy. The game is just that good.

We talked about it a ton of the podcast last night, and I think we had a really great discussion. All the new mechanics, all of the enhancements, they show a team they just really gets their fans, their fanbase, and also understand their own shortcomings. They poured their heart and soul into this game, and did it both for themselves, but also for a fanbase they clearly care a great deal about. I don’t think I’ve seen a developer outside of Naughty Dog so in tune with what their fan base wants even better than I, as a massive fan of theirs, could have imagined.

Again, I’m sure its hyperbolic, but the game makes me emotional, gives me chills and misty eyes in all the right places, and as I’m still very much in it, it’s hard for me to write coherently about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it right now, especially considering I’ve hit such massive moments of intrigue just where I last left off. I can’t wait to see more.

Oh and we’re giving away a copy of Persona 5 on Irrational Passions Podcast! If you are in the UNITED STATES ONLY you can tweet @IrrationalPod on Twitter with the #PersonaQ with one thing you think looks cool about Persona 5 and enter a chance to win a steel book copy of the game!

Questions:

I feel like I conveyed my feelings on the series pretty well, but here are some other highlights:

When the Rock drops the Eff-Bomb almost right after he first appears in Fast 5 is great.

When the Rock throws that guy around the interrogation room.

When Vin Diesel just LIFTS A CAR AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT?!?!

The Paul Walker tribute was quite good.

The idea of Vin Diesel consistently having superhuman abilities is just generally really funny to me.

All the set pieces. The London chase may have been my favorite.

The movies are good, sometimes great, not amazing. But I’m glad I watched them.

There are so many. Morganna in your bag is a great call out. Watching the character’s faces change in scenes is actually really great. Ryuji’s reactions are great, and so are another character that you see later, that I’ll refrain from going into. All the touches and attention to detail in the Metaverse.

That one they drove from one building, to another building, TO ANOTHER FUCKING BUILDING.

I am 55-ish hours in. I don’t really like comparing the characters to other Persona characters. I fell in the same trap from 3 to 4. And I know these games are going to get a lot of comparisons, but honestly they are so different. It’s not as fair to the characters, specifically, to keep going back and forth comparing them. I think the way they develop those characters merits comparison, but maybe not the people themselves.

As for the best girl stuff... Listen, I honestly really fucking hated where all of the “best girl” “my waifu” bullshit with Persona 4 went. Not just because I think I got the brunt of it being a huge fan of Rise, but there is this weird ownership/dismissiveness to it. Like, I totally get, respect, and love the reasons people loved Chie, or Yukiko. I think by saying someone is best, even in a joking manner, because it all starts jokingly, can be a bit dismissive to other folks, and that was the stuff I really hated about the Persona 4 discussions I got dragged into. When people shit on Rise, who I legitimately  love, again, my favorite video game character of all time, it honest to god hurts and offends me. Sure I’m probably being too sensitive, but Persona should be personal, it should feel incredibly close to your heart, that’s what that series is asking of the player and what its going for, so I want to really set a precedent for that going forward. Lead by example or whatever, and not make this some bullshit arbitrary competition.

I know that was way more agro a response than you were probably expecting Jacob, and sorry to get all intense there. Currently I have not chosen a love interest in my own personal story, and still have one female companion left to join the party (going off boxart alone, and what I’ve seen in the story) so I am waiting to get to know her. I’ll say this: my feelings are confused and all over the place. Figuring out where I land will be very hard.

Well, and I tweeted about it this week, I did apply for a recent editor position. This is probably my 6th or so application. In all fairness, this and my last one were probably my strongest, with the ones before being far more disorganized, but yeah. I tweeted saying “please stop asking me about it” in a (mostly) joking way, but I think it came across as a little rude. I obviously incredibly super appreciate all the support and notifications that came through from folks saying that the job listing was up and I should apply. I got a text almost the moment it went up from a friend letting me know I should apply. I’m humbled so many folks believe I’m qualified.

I just also know the reality that choosing from local San Francisco people as well as their own freelance pool will absolutely come first. I’m in neither of those camps, so it’s pretty much already shipped. And I do know these things, I’ve heard stories, I’ve poured my heart and soul into these applications before, and I’ve never once even gotten a call or email. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or dismissive, just want to set the proper expectation.

Thank you all so much for your support. I’m too lucky to have you all cheering me on.

Haha Persona games like really big long supernatural mystery novels! They massive page turners, which leans right into the mechanic of it being a day-by-day progression!

I’ll say this Logan, and you’re gonna love it when you get to it, but the characters are very smart. They sit down and have big discussions and conversations asking each other the same questions you ask yourself while playing, and even come to realizations you yourself may not have gotten too. Especially where I am at in the story, there is a kind of secondary mystery going on that is perplexing both me and my gang of misfits, and the conversations surrounding that mystery or thorough, explored, and just super well done.

Fuck. This game is so good.

EPCOT is super cool! For me, I’ve never really been there as an adult, and it only gets better then. I mean honestly, just walking around the World Showcase is super cool. There is food from a bunch of different places, beer and alcohol from there as well (if you’re into that Harold). I really liked Mission Space, but it’s pretty intense, I don’t know if you’d like it. They have a Green version that’s not super motion-y so you may have fun with that.

I really loved the Ellen/Bill Nye ride there, but apparently that’s gone now. Otherwise, just enjoy the setting, enjoy the food! It’s probably the most fun park to just look at, in my opinion. Oh, and the spaceship Earth ride is a classic!

I did not, but it was definitely immensely sad. It gave me a greater appreciation for Paul Walker and his work. They were running a promo on the Xbox Video Store, where I rented all the movies from, where a portion of the proceeds went to the charity foundation that Paul Walker helped start, so that’s good.

I don’t know... Like, probably the characters that just feel like big copies of the other universe’s characters. Like Firestorm feels like a cheap human torch. I know he isn’t and Firestorm probably came first or whatever, but one character just never felt as interesting to me.

I don’t think there is a standout disaster comic book character for me though.

How about all the characters from The Walking Dead, even though I’ve never read the comic and just really hate the show now.

Like a lot.

When I want to. When it’s time.

I had to look this up because I had no idea what it was. Seems silly and dumb. Roger Pokorny tweeted this out at some point this past week, and I thought it was fucking hilarious:

I believe it’s edited, but it’s still so fucking funny.

The Rock is so great. I realized this week that I don’t think I had ever actually watched a movie with him in it. Like, Moana does not have him physically in it, even though he is so good in it. But yeah, he is really the thing that pushed me over the edge to watch them. And Joey Noelle’s borderline harassment. 

And the safe dragging was great, just went on for too long.

Yeesh. I don’t know. I’m probably living my biggest regret, and it’s probably in regards to finding love.

But really, I don’t know. Taking as long as I did to finish school? Getting sick in high school? I have a lot. Many my closest friends would say were “out of my control” but... That lingering responsibility really messed me up.

This is a great questions! Beignets is the answer. There was this local restaurant near me that only served beignets during their Sunday brunch, and they were so fucking good. It was the only thing that could get me to tear my ass out of bed on the weekend back when I was in grade school.

Then, suddenly, THEY STOPPED SERVING THEM. And literally no good reason was given. I know I could just go to New Orleans and get beignets any day of the week, but i don’t have that power or capability!

Ahg. Still makes me so mad to this day.

Shoutouts

Shout out to P Studio, for taking my heart.

Again.

That’s all I got. Sorry for the shitty shoutout this week, but I am tired from all my furiousness. 

I’m gonna go crash now. Love you all. Love your support.

keep it real.

#persona 5 #video games #gaming #fast #furious #fast and furious #fast five #fast 5 #fast and furious 6 #furious 7 #furious seven #f&f

[blazeupthefire]

[Intro: J. Cole] Yeah (For your eyes) For your eyes only (For your eyes) For your eyes only, for your eyes only (For your eyes, for your eyes) For your eyes only [Verse 1: J. Cole] Hey, niggas be dying on the daily It seems my dreams faded for far too long The consequences deadly Can't visualize myself as nothing but a criminal Control the block, serving up rocks and stay subliminal 'Cause young niggas is hardheaded, they letting off Full of adrenaline, ignorant to what death can cause Ain't no coming back, family dressed in black Plus it's hot now, the cops outside, it's hard to flip a pack And my daughter gotta eat, her mama be stressing me Like I ain't the one who put them Jays on her feet Like I ain't out in the field like that I might be low for the moment but I will bounce back Despite the charges, back to the wall, I fight regardless Screaming, "Fuck the law," my life is lawless That's what you call it, ain't got to be no psychic To see this is like the farthest thing from heaven This is hell and I don't mean that hyperbolic I try to find employment even if it's wiping toilets But these felonies be making life the hardest Resisting the temptation to run up and swipe a wallet Or run up on your yard, snatch your daughter bike and pawn it That's why I write this sonnet If the pressure get too much for me to take and I break Play this tape for my daughter and let her know my life is on it (For your eyes) Let her know my life is on it (For your eyes) For your eyes only [Hook: J. Cole] For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes only [Verse 2: J. Cole] You probably grown now so this song'll hit you If you hearing this, unfortunately means That I'm no longer with you in the physical Not even sure if I believe in God but because you still alive He got me praying that the spiritual is real So I can be a part of you still, my pops was killed too So I know how part of you feels Maybe you hate me, maybe you miss me, maybe you spite me Life goes in cycles, maybe you'll date a nigga just like me I hope not, I'm tired of dope spots And fiends that smoke rocks I've seen far too many niggas' hopes rot I'm writing this because me and the devil had a dance Now I see death around the corner, 'pologizing in advance Don't know if I ever had a chance At a glance, I'm a failure Addicted to pushing paraphernalia But Daddy had dreams once, my eyes had a gleam once Innocence disappeared by the age of eight years My Pops shot up, drug-related, mama addicted So Granny raised me in projects where thugs was hanging Blood was staining the concrete Older niggas I loved talked like they was above Maintaining a timesheet, that's slow money Picked up the family business by the age of thirteen Six years later was handed sentence 'Round the same time is when you came in this world Me and your mama thinking: "What the fuck we naming this girl?" I told her "Nina," the prettiest name that I could think of For the prettiest thing my eyes had ever seen, I was nineteen Took me two felonies to see the trap This crooked-ass system set for me And now I fear it's too late for me to ever be The one that set examples that was never set for me I'm living fast, but not fast enough 'Cause karma keeps on catching up to me And if my past becomes the death of me I hope you understand [Hook: J. Cole] For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes, do you understand me? For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes only [Verse 3: J. Cole] It's several ways I could've went out, too many to count Was it the trigger happy crackers that the badges give clout? Was it the young niggas, blasting frustrated 'Cause the cash running out? Niggas don't know how to act in a drought See, baby girl, I realized My definition of a real nigga was skewed My views misshaped by new mixtapes That confirmed the shit I learned in the streets was true That real niggas don't speak when they beef with you They just pull up on your street, let the heat achoo And if a real nigga hungry, he gon' eat your food I was a fool, spent all my time ducking school, ducking cops Ducking rules, hugging blocks that don't love you I pray you find a nigga with goals and point of views Much broader than the corner, if not it's gon' corner you Into a box, where your son don't even know his pops And the cyclical nature of doing time continues My worst fear is one day that you come home from school And see your father face while hearing 'bout tragedy on news I got the strangest feeling your daddy gonna lose his life soon And sadly if you're listening now it must mean it's true But maybe there's a chance that it's not And this album remains locked In a hard drive like valuable jewels And I can teach you this in person Like I'm teaching you to tie your own shoes I love you and I hope to God I don't lose you For your eyes only [Hook: CharGaux & J. Cole] For your eyes, for your eyes only For your eyes, for your eyes only For your eyes, do you understand? For your eyes only [Verse 4: J. Cole] One day your daddy called me, told me he had a funny feeling What he'd been dealing with lately, he wasn't telling I tried to pick his brains, still he wasn't revealing But I could feel the sense of panic in his voice And it was chilling, he said: "Jermaine, I knew you since we was children I never asked for nothing, when times was hard I never had discussions with you, begging you to help me I dealt with the repercussions of my actions I know you tried to steer me 'way from that shit But that shit was in my blood, you know my life I know your momma, nigga, send my love In case I never get a chance to speak again I won't forget the weekends spent sleeping at your crib That's the way I wished my family lived But my granny crib was in the 'jects" I had to interject like: "Nigga, what you talking 'bout? Fuck is you getting at?" He said, "Listen, I got no time to dive into descriptions But I been having premonitions Just call it visions from the other side I got a feeling I won't see tomorrow Like the time I'm living on is borrowed With that said, the only thing I'm proud to say, I was a father Write my story down, and if I pass Go play it for my daughter when she ready" And so I'm leaving you this record, for your eyes only Don't you ever scratch or disrespect it This perspective is a real one, another lost 'Ville son I dedicate these words to you and all the other children Affected by the mass incarceration in this nation That sent your pops to prison when he needed education Sometimes I think that segregation would've done us better Although I know that means that I would never Be brought into this world 'cause my daddy was so thrilled When he found him a white girl to take back to Jonesboro With 'lil Zach and Cole World, barely one years old Now it's thirty years later, making sure this story's told Girl, your daddy was a real nigga, not 'cause he was cold Not because he was the first To get some pussy twelve years old Not because he used to come through In the Caddy on some vogues Not because he went from bagging up Them grams to serving O's Nah, your daddy was a real nigga, not 'cause he was hard Not because he lived a life of crime and sat behind some bars Not because he screamed, "Fuck the law" Although that was true Your daddy was a real nigga cause he loved you For your eyes only

[mariamorisot]

Love is Technology is Death, Chapter 1, [Rough Draft]

New Post has been published on https://pleasetouch.me/2017/05/13/love-is-technology-is-death-chapter-1-rough-draft/

Love is Technology is Death, Chapter 1, [Rough Draft]

    1. Awakening

Gunshots. Bodies draped like clothing over hangars, in quick succession being yanked forcefully down below the mucous membrane of the mire. Antithesis of a hush; boasting all theoretical computations in the passing of an auditory wind, the substrated sand collide with the oceanic rift. And I am once again at the edge of myself, contemplating what would happen if– “Maria,” I hear my mother call, “Maria, it’s time to wake up dear.” Maria. This is my identity, my crown. As in ‘Mother Mary,’ the birthplace of Christianity. And here in the dim light of morning, I awake to that condition.

Discrete mathematical structures, perpendicularities of a seminal encyclopedic reciprocation;            more intrusive                     biological                     disrepair. Fluoride contained by structural informatics; disuse, distress signal flare hypo- glycemic parallel reaction.

When the curtains part ways, we part ways, and you will see her sink within the confines of our new degenerate causal reconditioning.

If there were steel pipes bent towards the sky, with mirrors thrust inside; alchemical centrifuge of hyperbolic genome capabilities.

Staring up at the immaculate sun, one hand cupped across my forehead, trembling ever-so-slightly as the wind brushes subtly against cheekbones . Clouds corrupt this seemingly eternal gaze into the sky’s Sunday mass, where we pray deep into the vowels’ symbolic tangles of logic and its antithesis, and deeper still into the consonants’ vicious cycle of audible redundancy. And in all the remainder of this madness, I still hear the voice of God perching heavily on my thoughts, you need to learn Greek. Remembering in my youth laying down in the grass and staring up at the sky, hair touching hair and skulls in contact, pointing out shapes discernible by the nexus of our imaginations: butterflies, dragons, sunflowers. How deeply my attraction for Ada dug down into the core of my post-adolescent and emotionally distraught mind. Ada and her destructive fantasies. I feel a touch on my neck, and my body tightens violently, and I scream ever so slightly. I get goosebumps up and down my arms on a hot Summer day, and looking back to see who touched me, I only see a dark black spot where their image should fall before me.

e, all language’s subterfuge;        in a bottle,                         marked:                         constant.

My hands press up against glass, against flesh against you.

And in my nerves, in my fingertips’ possession; all the data stores of this side of the sun complain and urge me

                        To think                         about &                         contemplate                         death,                         coalescing                         stars,                         numbered

                        Illustrations.

The therapist gives is a box of crayons and hands us each a worksheet. We’re supposed to draw an angry face. The worksheet itself is a blank head outline, just ears, crown, and chin. After fussing with the other colors trying to secure one, I take up a black crayon and begin to write: fuck, adolescent, rage, meticulous, parameter, engorged, biometric, Laplace, Guggenheim. I ran out of space before I even got really started. Who knew an empty head could evoke so much passion and ‘anger’? Leave it to me and my language, I guess. I really just want to write but I don’t like so much writing on paper with crayon, and pencils are a rare commodity here. I miss the computer. They have one here for us to use but we only get 15 minutes at a time and someone’s always on there, usually for more like an hour at once actually. I don’t want to bother them at any rate; I’ll let them play their online games. So I park myself in the kitchen, next to a window overlooking some houses. It’s early Autumn and the leaves are just barely starting to turn. Soon everything will be dead and the chill of Winter will overtake these Iowa City streets. On the whisper of my voice, you can still, just barely, make out the words I have been uttering since we started group therapy: toxic, plunge, cacophony, purge, mope, Basquiat, kitchen, encyclopedia, rant, disfavor, unlucky, poison, home, pariah, Mariah, Maria.

I gave away the stripes of my uniform, left holding onto parabolic identifiers,        You                         caught fire

And we corrupted ‘Spin the Bottle,’ defaced the binary principle of interaction between stars and foreign bodies;

        Gave light,         gave heat,         gave entropy.

        Bottle rocket         bathroom and         a tendency to         fuck up the porcelain,         shatter the glass

        Ignite the fuse         and run.

Into the burning sun.

“Maria,” my mother says, calling from above my head, “Maria, wake up.” “Mark?” the voice of the nurse startles me. “Mark, here are your meds.” Where have I been all of this time?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

#art #artist #bipolar #death #love #mania #manic depression #poetry #psychology #schizophrenia #technology #writer #writing

[mariamorisot]

Love is Technology is Death, Chapter 1, [Rough Draft]

New Post has been published on http://pleasetouch.me/2017/05/13/love-is-technology-is-death-chapter-1-rough-draft/

Love is Technology is Death, Chapter 1, [Rough Draft]

1. Awakening

Gunshots.

Bodies draped like clothing over hangars, in quick succession being yanked forcefully down below the mucous membrane of the mire.

Antithesis of a hush; boasting all theoretical computations in the passing of an auditory wind, the substrated sand collide with the oceanic rift. And I am once again at the edge of myself, contemplating what would happen if–

“Maria,” I hear my mother call, “Maria, it’s time to wake up dear.” Maria. This is my identity, my crown. As in ‘Mother Mary,’ the birthplace of Christianity. And here in the dim light of morning, I awake to that condition.

Discrete mathematical structures,

perpendicularities of a seminal encyclopedic

reciprocation;more intrusive

biological

disrepair.

Fluoride contained by

structural

informatics; disuse, distress signal flare hypo-

glycemic parallel reaction.

When the curtains part ways, we part ways,

and you will see her sink within the confines

of our new degenerate causal reconditioning.

If there were

steel pipes

bent towards

the sky,

with mirrors thrust

inside; alchemical

centrifuge

of hyperbolic

genome capabilities.

Staring up at the immaculate sun, one hand cupped across my forehead, trembling ever-so-slightly as the wind brushes subtly against cheekbones . Clouds corrupt this seemingly eternal gaze into the sky’s Sunday mass, where we pray deep into the vowels’ symbolic tangles of logic and its antithesis, and deeper still into the consonants’ vicious cycle of audible redundancy. And in all the remainder of this madness, I still hear the voice of God perching heavily on my thoughts,you need to learn Greek.

Remembering in my youth laying down in the grass and staring up at the sky, hair touching hair and skulls in contact, pointing out shapes discernible by the nexus of our imaginations: butterflies, dragons, sunflowers. How deeply my attraction for Ada dug down into the core of my post-adolescent and emotionally distraught mind.

Ada and her destructive fantasies.

I feel a touch on my neck, and my body tightens violently, and I scream ever so slightly. I get goosebumps up and down my arms on a hot Summer day, and looking back to see who touched me, I only see a dark black spot where their image should fall before me.

e, all language’s subterfuge;in a bottle,

marked:

constant.

My hands press up against

glass, against

flesh against

you.

And in my nerves,

in my fingertips’ possession;

all the data stores of this side of

the sun complain and urge me

To think

about &

contemplate

death,

coalescing

stars,

numbered

Illustrations.

The therapist gives is a box of crayons and hands us each a worksheet. We’re supposed to draw an angry face. The worksheet itself is a blank head outline, just ears, crown, and chin. After fussing with the other colors trying to secure one, I take up a black crayon and begin to write: fuck, adolescent, rage, meticulous, parameter, engorged, biometric, Laplace, Guggenheim.

I ran out of space before I even got really started. Who knew an empty head could evoke so much passion and ‘anger’? Leave it to me and my language, I guess. I really just want to write but I don’t like so much writing on paper with crayon, and pencils are a rare commodity here. I miss the computer. They have one here for us to use but we only get 15 minutes at a time and someone’s always on there, usually for more like an hour at once actually. I don’t want to bother them at any rate; I’ll let them play their online games.

So I park myself in the kitchen, next to a window overlooking some houses. It’s early Autumn and the leaves are just barely starting to turn. Soon everything will be dead and the chill of Winter will overtake these Iowa City streets.

On the whisper of my voice, you can still, just barely, make out the words I have been uttering since we started group therapy:toxic, plunge, cacophony, purge, mope, Basquiat, kitchen, encyclopedia, rant, disfavor, unlucky, poison, home, pariah, Mariah, Maria.

I gave away the stripes of my uniform,

left holding onto parabolic identifiers,You

caught fire

And we corrupted ‘Spin the Bottle,’

defaced the binary principle of interaction

between stars and foreign bodies;

Gave light,

gave heat,

gave entropy.

Bottle rocket

bathroom and

a tendency to

fuck up the porcelain,

shatter the glass

Ignite the fuse

and run.

Into the burning sun.

“Maria,” my mother says, calling from above my head, “Maria, wake up.”

“Mark?” the voice of the nurse startles me.

“Mark, here are your meds.”

Where have I been all of this time?

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