#and as a little treat 4 myself. bc no one else is gonna see it and i havent had one in a while a left a bruise on my thigh yayy

[animutate]

#delete later #everything is awful horrible forevereverever. brainfog blehhhh. i dont think its brain fog but my brain does feel foggy #theres nothing going on up there. alsodont want to form better sentences rn ok bear with me im tired andits a lot. on me #idk something turned my brain off ive been feeling more tired than usual. and ive been nervous since i have to leave hte house #on the 15th and go somewhere with MORE PEOPLE SCARYY. i live in a pretty small town so im usually fine but im oging somewhere else #and as a little treat 4 myself. bc no one else is gonna see it and i havent had one in a while a left a bruise on my thigh yayy #before you get worried im not self harming. its been one of those weeks pass the sadomasochism.jpg #anyway i want my fake boyfriend. to like hold me for a little bit tgat would fixme.maybe #shoutout to p.ico for keeping me sane ily.

[musclesandhammering]

Unpopular Phase 4 & 5 Opinions

Quantumania is the worst Phase 4/5 movie. And it wasn’t even because “kang got beat by ants.” (I liked kang in this movie). It’s just that the Spy Kids aesthetic & bad acting & overall weird vibes just weren’t for me.

Love and Thunder is no worse than Ragnarok. I would argue that it’s better in a lot of ways, actually. I really liked it.

Taika Waititi ruined thor with bad humour all the way back in Ragnarok tbh, but y’all weren’t complaining about it then 😒.

BuckySarah is better than sambucky every day of the week.

The Marvels was a good ass movie & they’re one of my favorite teams in the mcu. I’ll never forgive cbm sites & online dudebros for killing the hype from the moment the film was announced.

I adore America Chavez & Kamala Kahn and I want to see them in everything. They must be protected at all costs.

Multiverse of Madness had shitty characterisation & basically just copy-pasted the ‘grief made me go off the deep end & hurt people, then I realised and stopped myself’ storyline from Wandavision… but Wanda was extremely selfish & apathetic to other people’s suffering from the time she was introduced in the mcu. MoM didn’t make her like that.

Wanda should’ve been looking for Vision (her actual real life boyfriend whom she spent years with irl) in MoM instead of the kids that weren’t even real that she spent like a week using as characters in her sitcom.

Making everyone forget Peter Parker wasn’t profound or poetic in any way- it was just frustrating and needlessly cruel.

I’m begging marvel to understand that heroes don’t have to be in constant suffering to be heroic & villains don’t have to sacrifice themselves to achieve redemption. Let characters heal and atone, you absolute weirdos.

What If…? is the most boring show ever. I’d rather watch Secret Invasion or She-Hulk.

Season 2 of Loki is, in a cinematic & artistic sense, the best marvel project period.

Loki season 1 was meh- more of a fun au than anything because his characterisation kinda sucked. Season 2 fixed it, though, and made it way easier for me to incorporate this version of Loki back into the larger mcu.

Having Steve stay in the past with Peggy was stupid af.

I don’t hate Peggy (or Captain Carter), though. I actually think she’s pretty cool.

I don’t really love Steve. He’s arrogant & they never really let him have flaws & something about him being a perfect metaphor for the American military industrial complex (and marvel painting that as a good thing) doesn’t sit right with me.

The Illuminati got done dirty and the only reason they went down so fast was because Wanda had all that plot armor.

I thought the retcon of having Wanda be “destined” to become the Scarlet Witch since birth was an annoying cop-out. Her powers originating from being experimented on with an infinity stone was way more interesting.

Loki & Wanda have almost the exact same powers.

Nebula deserved a bigger rule in killing Thanos & everything else moving forward.

I love Kathryn Newton but her acting as Cassie Lang was the worst acting I’ve ever seen in the mcu, like it was outrageously bad.

I’m glad Sam is the new Captain America and not Bucky.

The fact that Bucky probably isn’t gonna be one of Thee lead characters in the upcoming avengers movies feels sick and twisted.

Secret Invasion was actually passable until the G’iah scene at the end. That ruined it. And Nick Fury deserved way better for his solo series.

Kang is so much more interesting than Doctor Doom. I really hope they just recast him.

Carol Danvers does NOT deserve the hate she gets.

I actually disliked Carol until The Marvels. That movie made me a stan.

The way people treat Monica as Wanda’s little inferior pet creation or smth & then brag about it is uhh very sus.

I don’t like sylvie (bc she’s an amalgamation of 3 different comic characters- which killed any hopes of them appearing individually in the mcu, the creators used her existence to butcher Loki’s genderfluid rep, & she was written poorly) & I HATE sylki (bc it’s weird & unnecessary).

Marvel isn’t dead. I actually love where they’re taking things. But that’s just me.

#unpopular opinion #unpopular marvel opinions #unpopular mcu opinions #secret invasion #the marvels #loki season 2 #mcu phase 4 #mcu phase 5 #loki finale #the marvels spoilers #loki finale spoilers #carol danvers #monica rambeau #kamala khan #america chavez #anti sylvie #anti sylki #anti Wanda maximoff #Peggy Carter #buckysarah #quantumania #kang #Bucky Barnes #multiverse of madness #thor love and thunder #Thor #mcu #marvel

[annieisyourfavourite]

okay i finally have the time to write out an explanation of what all has been going on with me the last like, month - all the stuff i've been alluding to. this is gonna be real, real long, so story time is under the cut.

so some setup. i lived with my parents until just a few months ago. i moved out and now live with my oldest brother, sean, and his 2 (well, it's 1 now but at the time) dogs. at my parents' house, it is my mom and dad, my little brother luke, his fiancee, and my paternal grandmother who we call baba. my parents also have 4 dogs.

baba was living on her own in serbia, but she had a stroke in february, and since my dad is her only kid, we took her in. baba has a lot of needs, and so my brothers and i have been urging them to get her into a nursing home. but for some reason my parents aren't doing this, despite the fact that it would improve everyone's lives tenfold.

because see baba? has been abusive to my dad and to us for his whole life. she has some trauma-induced mental illnesses that she doesn't like to treat, which means she often isn't in the same reality as everyone else. i say this not to imply that mentally ill people are abusive. but rather her mental instability is a big factor in the way that she acts and treats people. and also, if she wasn't mentally ill, my father would probably never speak to her for all the abhorrent things she's done. he can already barely stand her, and his anger issues and trauma responses have become very intense since she's been around.

i also have been abused by baba, and so i have told my family i won't engage with her as much as possible. it was hard when i lived there. but since moving out, i've said i refuse to babysit her or be her caretaker, since i can also hardly be around her without losing my shit. i've told my parents this. when she starts ranting about her paranoid delusions, i can't handle it. if she starts getting upset, i can't handle it. i remember her locking us 4 small children under the age of 12 out of her house when she was watching us because she thought we were annoying. i feel very unsafe around her!!! very bad!!!!

so! the reason all this is relevant. is that my whole family, save myself and baba, just went on a vacation for 2 weeks to the british isles. we've known about this trip for a long time. and i set up with my oldest brother that i would watch the 2 dogs at our house while he was gone. my other brother matt, who would be joining them later, was to watch baba and the 4 dogs up there. except. i learned like 2 weeks before they left. that matt couldn't do the weekends and the end of the trip. so there were 8 days total out of 14 that he wasn't gonna be there (bc matt sucks but that's a different post). so my mother calls me. and says they need me to watch everyone during those times.

at first she had told me it was 1 weekend (like saturday and sunday) and that was it, and i agreed to it even though it sucked. but then after revealing how much it was, i started saying no, i can't do that, that's obviously too much. out of the 6 dogs, 2 of them are new puppies. and 1 of them was an old dog who was dying of cancer. the old dog also couldn't be in the same room as one of the other ones, because they'd try to kill each other.

so like. far too much for 1 person to try and take care of. i said no i won't, i can't. and my mom got so mad at me. i told her i can't psychologically handle being trapped in a house with baba for that long. she said "can't you just suck it up this one time?" i said that's not how abuse trauma works. she said "i can't believe you're trying to ruin our once in a lifetime vacation." i said i'm physically disabled and that is too much. too bad.

i kept trying to find some help. but the problem was, even if someone could watch some dogs, they couldn't do that AND watch baba. and vice versa if someone could watch baba. and i needed to be away from her. however the time for the trip came, and there was no one else to help. so my parents left! they said i don't care what you say annie, we need someone to take care of it, and if you don't, your dogs and grandmother will die without proper care.

so i did it!! because they knew i would do it if there was literally no one else. and i was begging them to try and help, try to understand the price this was going to take. my dad kinda did. but didn't do anything to help. my mom just thought it would be fine.

so for 2 weeks. i was in charge of old dying dog and puppy 24/7. and then sick baba and 4 other dogs for over half the time. on top of trying to do rehearsals for a show i'm currently in. and i couldn't handle it!! i suffered, hm. 10 mental breakdowns at least? so many dogs. so much chaos. so much cleaning up messes from the puppies because they're puppies.

i called my mom, having a breakdown, the first weekend because i was supposed to go to an event for my boyfriend's work, and baba was fighting me on the plan. it was a whole mess. i literally owe my life to kayla (@/modestclam) because she came by on her 1 day off from her 2 jobs to help.

during this time, i also had a job interview in the city because i'm unemployed. and when there. my car got towed. i'm pretty sure incorrectly, i'm trying to contest the ticket. but i was stranded in the city, disabled and alone, and i had to spend over $300 just to get to the lot and get my car back, which i simply do not have. it took an extra 5 hours.

during the last weekend, i decided to keep the old dog chloe at my house, and my boyfriend came and watched her for the 5 days i was at the other house, because i was worried about moving her. my goal had been to just get her to the sunday when sean was getting back. she was clearly sick and i knew she didn't have long. but i was trying my best to just keep her going til then.

so i'm in the psychological torture zone up north. i had to drive back to my house at one point to help give chloe a bath, because she had intestinal issues and got stuff stuck to her backside, and my boyfriend was freaking out. and when i got back? the puppies. also had intestinal issues. all over the house. it took me 2 hours to clean, with baba obsessively following me the whole time. i have at least 1 breakdown every day. i have to miss a number of rehearsals either because i couldn't leave the dogs and baba alone, or because i was so dead tired i could barely move.

during this time. my mom also texts me. that my grandfather's partner had called and said he was in the hospital. he had a fall i believe? and so if anything happened, even though he lives a state away, i would have to be on call, since i was the only one in the country at that moment. because i guess she wants me to have a heart attack at age 25??

my little brother luke got back on tuesday evening, late. (he flew into an airport in canada and my mom wanted me to go drive the 2.5 hours there, pick him up, and drive back. i told her she must be on crack to think i would do that.) him and his fiancee weren't feeling well, but they took over main dog management. i went home to chloe.

the very next day. my parents and maternal grandma get home. grandma hadn't been feeling well, so she was gonna stay with my parents for a bit. except. the very morning after they got back. she tested positive for covid. and everyone in the house was sick.

my mom calls me asking me to take grandma to the doctor to get paxlovid (which i had taken and it helped me). everyone in the house is sick and they need my help. my oldest brother sean wasn't even back yet, he had an extra like 5 days, so i was still watching his dogs. i didn't even get 1 day after the 2 weeks from hell to rest. my grandma ended up going to the ER and getting put on oxygen. she was there 5 days and wasn't allowed visitors. i had to call around and get her affairs in order for her to stay there. the sick household includes: my mom who is 62, my dad who is 59 and has a genetic condition that gives him a weak heart, my little brother who ALSO has that heart condition and had heart surgery just this year, his fiancee who has autoimmune deficiencies, and my baba, who is t2 diabetic and in her 80s.

so i was stressed, to say the least. and during all THIS, chloe, the old dog, starts taking a turn for the worse. i'm doing everything i can to make her comfortable and keep her around, cleaning up her messes, hand feeding her dinner, whatever i can do. i go out to celebrate a friend's birthday saturday, and it's fun, but the whole time i'm stressed for what i'm gonna come home to. since sean was getting in sunday night. just 24 more hours.

when we got home, she greeted us happily. i got her to eat her dinner, drink water, take her pills, and even gave her belly rubs for a while. she was doing well. we all go to sleep.

and when my boyfriend and i wake up that sunday morning, the day sean was getting back. we found her unresponsive, having passed away in her sleep next to my bed. less than 24 hours before sean would have gotten to see her again.

to say i was devastated would be an understatement. i loved that dog so much. and i worked so hard to get her to the end of the trip. i used all my resources, i did everything i could. and she died in my room the same day my brother came back, before they could see each other. my heart? broken

luckily at this time i had family back, so my dad and luke came to put her in the box and deal with it, cuz i was well and truly at my limit. not a single day of rest in weeks. sean got home that night and the next day, we went up north at my parents house to bury her where we bury all our pets who have passed.

digging the grave was hard and miserable, because the spot we needed had a ton of roots in the way, and it was raining, and sean was limping bc of his bad foot, and everyone had covid, and it was just awful. i ended up doing a lot of work, even though i myself am physically disabled and very weak. my right arm and wrist still hurt real bad, and it's been 3 days since.

that night. THAT NIGHT!!!! THAT WE WERE BURYING HER!!! baba was delirious and coughing. she clearly had caught covid, as we knew she would. and covid really messes with her, especially her already frail mental faculties. she collapsed in the kitchen. so the following morning, my dad took her to the ER (after a lot of fighting from her). she was admitted to the hospital in poor condition. they think she has pneumonia. her bloodsugars have been bad for weeks, because we were waiting on an appointment with her doctor to up her meds. at the hospital they are giving her insulin (which she doesn't usually take?? irresponsible) but they can't get her bloodsugar down. which, when it comes to covid, isn't good. it's known that if you're diabetic, and you're admitted to the hospital with covid, and your bloodsugar is high? it's essentially a death sentence. your chance of mortality increases tenfold.

so i had to miss rehearsal again (this is where that post about my director being a bitch comes in). the director has also been making my life a living hell for this, punishing me for having all this going on. my part is like 7 lines, and yet she still is in my face constantly.

:-) so that's where i'm at!!!! my september has been such a blur of mental and physical distress, i'm surprised i'm still breathing tbh. i have therapy twice a week, and when i emailed my therapist the dog + covid update, he responded "holy shit." we've been trying our best, but he's like "the goal is to stay alive, please just stay alive, don't try to aim any higher." i just. don't have anything else in me, you know? i already was gonna need like a week to recover from the vacation stuff. and now with this. it's just like. how much is a person expected to take, you know? how much can a body hold before it falls apart? i'm hoping soon, god, please soon, i'll be able to rest a bit. but man.

it's been a rough fucking month.

#mine #god bless u if u get to the end of this behemoth #this really is like if i had an actual Blog(tm) #yeah. life has been right miserable. and i don't know how i'm standing it!!!!! #it's bc my friends love me and my boyfriend loves me and I love me too #literally cartoonish levels of agony and tragedy over here #sorry this was so long #but u know #there just. is a lot to get through. if i wanna adequately explain what's going on and why my mental illness has been up to 10 lately

[bullshit-bulltrue]

☆ hawk talk 8/14/23 ☆

so i found out that my school practically treats PDA as The Big Bad Sin™️

like literally in our handbook it says it is NOT tolerated under ANY means

so like

even if i had the courage to hug my friends

i fucking can't

unless the monitors aren't paying attention but like

what if one day i'm like crying in the hallway and my bestie sees me and wants to give me a hug

but like they can't 0_0

and vice-versa

FUCK

okie. anyway.

lanie is out of town visiting family :(

BUT I STILL GOT TO EAT LUNCH WITH SOMEONE

and if you've been following along, you would know the person i ate lunch with is Delgado

✨️✨️✨️

we'll go back to that in a sec, i promise (highlight of my day)

so since it was an odd day i went to history & geo first

so we get there and we have a debate on whether school should start earlier/same time or later

and i of course backed up my reasoning with evidence unlike everyone else

they're all dumbasses

and the sleezy hoebags behind me started trying to fuck with my hair

but then i hit one of them <3

so then mr. m had us go over the fire drill and where to go in case of smth happening during his period

so we went outside and lined up where we would in case of an emergency

and then the desk buddy bitch asked for the answers to a quiz and i gave her the wrong ones <3

so then that was it for history & geo

andddd it turns out that delgado passes the math room on his way to his next period so i have to make sure i don't look like utter shit BEFORE MATH TOO

i felt bad tho bc i almost hit him 😭😭

so when i was walking towards the math room my back was turned to him so i obvi didn't know it was him when he tapped me on the shoulder

and it scared the crap outta me cus the recent school day (last friday) some dick did that to me and i hit him

and i thought it was the same guy

but it wasn't, it was delgado <3

and he just wanted to make sure we were still good for lunch and this is how the convo went:

d: *taps my shoulder* hey so lunch today, right?

me: *puts fist down after i realized it was him* yeah!

d: oh and also what do you have for first period?

me: [insert history & geo teacher's name]

d: oh cool. where you going next?

me: math with Mr. H. right here *points at door*

d: *groans* i just came back from math. that's my first fucking period 🙄

me: *laughs* ahh it's my 2nd. well, technically 3&4 but ykwim (if you need me to explain the schedules lmk)

d: Okay well i gtg

me: yeah me too, see you in like an hour or some shit *smiles and waves*

d: *smiles and waves back*

sooooo

then math

these bitches at my table

are fucking horrible

i'm trying to do a placement exam

and they keep talking

like BITCH I DID NOT MAKE IT TO AN ACCELERATED CLASS JUST FOR Y'ALL TO BE THE REASON WHY I FAILED

TAKE YOUR ASSES AND CHEAT ON THE EXAM SOMEWHERE ELSE HOES

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT

"wElL Mr H sAiD wE CaN tAlK" "We ArEnT eVeN bEiNg LoUd"

SHUT THE FUCK UP

HE SAID WE CAN TALK ABOIT MATH AND UR LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YO UGLY ASS FACE

so that was fun.

oh and also Mr. H (the teacher) draws so we can like give him a photo and he'll draw like the outline and give it back to us to color and then hang it up in the room!! so i'm gonna ask him if he can draw Stitch or smth so i can color it and hang it in the classroom!

yk if i remember lol

oh and like towards the end of class i went to the bathroom to fix myself up a little bit™️ bc on odd days i have

✨️english class✨️

after math <3

so i put on my favorite lipstick and tamed my hair a bit more and just made sure my clothes looked alright and shit lol

i also cleaned up my boots too while i was at it <3

i love my boots so much

i want moreee

like

actually i don't want more

i NEED more

if i had the money, i would be a doc martens addict and i'd have hundreds of pairs

but alas

bitches are expensive

*sads*

okeu anywayy

i get back to class and these hoes are still talking about the girliest shit ever i literally was going to kill myself if i had to listen to anymore of it

so then we started packing up and then we left

AND THENNNN

ENGLISH CLASS TIME

so we all lined up outside the door bc the teacher wasn't in yet (Mrs. K)

and i tried to stand next to him (delgado) but this bitch got in line RIGHT before me so she was in-between us :/

but thats alr cus he sorts slowed down in line and i caught up so we walked in the room around the same time

and i was wearing a shirt with a Mexican food place and Mrs. K was like "oh my gosh that's my favorite Mexican restaurant in [insert location]!!" and i was like "yeah its pretty good. well, for white people cooking the food. the only real Mexican food you get is from Mexico, or your mamás kitchen" and delgado looked at me like he knew lol so that's when he sorta started catching on that I'm Mexican too

it's nice not to have to tell someone about my ethnicity for once and them figuring it out on their own

so yeah <3

and we had to finish these state mandated tests bc we got only like halfway done on friday

so me and delgado were writing each other notes and doodles to help keep ourselves awake and not fall asleep during that godforsaken fucking test 😭😭

so after we got done (we finished our tests around the same time lol) Mrs. K let us kinds do our own thing as long as we weren't disruptive

so i read DPS and he was playing some game on his Chromebook

and it was so funny bc he had his chromebook on mute but you can tell when he lost and stuff bc he would make a fist and be like "noooo" really quietly

idk

it was funny to me, at least

and there was someone's alarm going off and it sounded like the beep a bomb makes before it goes off

and ofc my mind immediately went to JD <3

and then me, delgado, baseball guy, and d's short bestie all looked at each other like "you hear that 👀"

and then me and delgado crossed ourselves and said "el padre, el hijo y el espíritu santo" but he said it in english lol

and like he's so sweet

so not only did he double check we were still eating lunch together in the hallway but he also asked again at the end of english class

ik it may not seem like anything to you but it means a lot to me

bc i'm always the one to make sure plans are still plans and i feel annoying for asking so many times and that i'm bothering the other person and it just feels nice to have someone else take the time to ask, yk?

so it also turns out our lockers aren't that far away from each other's so even though he's English Class Crush™️ he also qualifies as Hallway Crush™️

speaking of hallway crushes

yk Luca? his locker and also Mikey's (Michael, but we all call him Mikey) lockers are close-ish to mine

so yeah that's great/sarc

it is, in fact, not great.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CANNOT RISK LOOKING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING

i mean i make sure i always look somewhat good before i leave the house

BUT STILL

anyway

we go to lunch and his friend Alex comes along and im like ooo cool i get to meet his friend

and i sat down and saved us some seats while they went to get the food from the lunch people

so when they come and sit down i was hoping that i would sit next to delgado bc that was the whole fucking point of eating lunch with him

but Alex sits his ass right in between us

but like ig Alex is a protective friend or smth?? idk but like yeah i didn't take offense or anything bc id be the same way

we were stil able to talk tho <3

and anyway they come and sit down and the lunch for the 14th was grilled cheese

but lemme tell you

that, was in fact, not grilled cheese

it looked like two soggy pieces of bread with orange food coloring in the middle

that cheese? was NOT cheese

and i was like oh hell nah no way is Boy Bestie™️ eating whatever the fuck that government looking waste was

so i was like dude have what you want out of my lunch, there's no way you're eating that on my watch

and i was like hey Alex you can go ahead and eat my lunch too

so Alex took the dragonfruit and smth else i think

and delgado had the tortillas mi mamá packed for me

again, i wasn't hungry at all because i had thrown up earlier but i forced myself to eat something before i passed out

oh and forgot to mention

delgado fr said "AYYY MEXICAN STYLEEE" bc i had the tortillas wrapped up in tinfoil and some chorizo con papas y huevos and i was like "HELL YEAHHH"

idk if the white people understand this or not but like this was a bonding moment for us bc there aren't a whole lot of mexicans at our school

so like to see that we're apart of the same culture is really nice

oh and he was also like "my mom makes that like every morning!" and i was like "my mom made it yesterday and decided to pack me some for lunch!"

i would've given him like a fist bump or smth but i wasn't gon put my arm across Alex to get to delgado cus like

just no

so anyway sometime in the middle of lunch i was eating my food and then

poof

woosh

*shimmery sound effects*

THEY'RE GONE

I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT THESE BITCHES JUST VANISHED

SO THEN I WAS LIKE NO NO NO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES WHYYY

but i didn't wanna move and go look for them bc not only are we not allowed to i also thought maybe they just needed to go the the bathroom

so i just sat there looking like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because i'm not fucking tall enough to look for them in the crowd of gross teenagers

so i just sit there and text my friend because when i lose my friends (and this has happened since elementary) i get really aggressive bc i get overstimed so yk i texted my friend to calm myself down

anyway

lunch over

i get my shit from my locker and head to gym

we go over where we will sit for attendance

and then we go over fire drill procedures and shit

and then we spend most of our time doing jackshit

and like the last 20 minutes of class coach was like okay you can play basketball with the boys orstand around idrc bc we only have a little but till the end of the day

so i channeled my inner white girl and just watched delgado play basketball

and like he's one of the only guys who actually knows how to fuckin play 😭😭

also this one kid got hit in the back of the head and fell straight forward and on his face like a looney tunes character

comedic gold right there

and at the end of phys ed me and delgado were walking the same direction bc our lockers are near each other's and it looks like we're gonna have lunch again on Wednesday since that's the next time i have 3rd lunch <3

so yeah i hope i was midly entertaining

it's 1:36am and i gotta get up at 6:30am so goodnight and sorry for not Finnishing this earlier, i got caught up in something

#☆ hawk talk

[here2bbtstrash]

2! 7! 14! 22! 26! 35! 41! 50! 63 [LDOMLK]! 72! 74! 77! / I'M SORRY 😭😭😭

these are GOOD questions 🫠🤠

OMG SARAH!!!! STICKING MOST OF THIS UNDER A READ MORE... YOU DEMON...... (thank you and i love you 😭😭)

2. Where do you get your fic ideas?

legit anywhere, everywhere. sometimes in movies or tv shows, sometimes from songs, sometimes from random shit i see on the internet, sometimes from my personal life 🤭 and sometimes my brain just goes "hey wouldn't it be wild if X" so like i have to assume those come straight from god lmaooooo

7. Post a snippet from a wip.

one day i'll finish park and ride 3..... but for now i'll give you the intro ~under the cut~ 👀

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in?

in my mf bed lmaooooo or on my couch. i'll write basically laying down with my laptop on my stomach bc anything else makes my back hurt because i'm NEARLY 30 👹

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

this can happen anywhere along the line. sometimes i'll steal the title from a song, either one that inspired the fic ("party on you" comes from charli xcx's party 4 u, "heartless" comes from the kanye west song) or didn't but the specific song line feels correct ("the shape of your body" comes from taylor swift's cruel summer, which.... does not fit the plot at all but i thought it worked well for the themes of bodies/art). sometimes the title comes first and i build the fic around that theme ("babygirl"). sometimes i finish a whole fic and i'm like what the fuck do i call this and i pick something that feels obvious and fits with the story ("park and ride", "two in one").

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

the first draft 💀 i LOVE outlining, and i LOVE polishing/detail editing stuff once i have a first pass written, but getting that first pass out.... it's like pulling fucking teeth. every time. like do i even like writing 🤣

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CHOOSE A FAVORITE 🔪 i love all my children for different reasons.... we'll go with the shape of your body for now just because i really didn't know if i could write something like that, it was such an undertaking, and i've reread it in bits and pieces multiple times because it's so comforting to me 🥰

41. Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

i have an insaaaaaane soft spot for fratboy jk from the spins. i wanna write something else with him SO BAD. i wanna give him a motorcycle 😩

50. How would you describe your writing style?

ashdfjkadf this is hard !!! i strive for realistic, character-driven, humorous, thoughtful, accessible, poetic, honest, and horny. so hopefully.... some mix of those 🤣

63. What was the hardest part of writing [LDOMLT]?

heavy emotional bits aside...... it's probably going to be writing the fucking grammys like i have any idea what the fuck goes on there LMAO 💀 gonna need to watch some youtube videos for research

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

anytime i get compliments on queer aspects of my stories and specifically hear that it resonated with someone or allowed them to better understand/embrace a party of their identity, i just.... fucking melt 🫠 i've heard that several times with the shape of your body and it kills me every single time. it is the highest honor of my life 🙇‍♀️

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

babygirl lmao!!!!! justice for jk with his butterfly clips 😭 but i get it that one is uhhhh. deeply self-indulgent

77. Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

so many reasons! i love to connect with people. i love to capture my thoughts on the world and the human condition and how we interact with and treat each other. i love to make myself and others feel less alone and more seen. i love to manifest the shit i'm trying to find in my own life 😩 and of course i love to pay my own little horny artistic tribute to OT7 given that their art has done soooo much for me!!! 💜

stuck in the airport ask game party: fanfic writing asks

#sarah-217 #mbox 📮 #ask game

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 8th, 2024!

11:32am HCI class this morning, really boring still I regret to inform everyone 😂 no tests this semester, just projects. Easy A but a real brain drain. Not letting the brain drain get to me though! Hopped out of that class (9-11am) and now I'm at Panera getting free coffee (it's chilly out!). I'm going to shoe carnival to use a $15 voucher and also other little errands today. I just realized I'm really hungry (I had 2 prebiotic sodas last night and absolutely BLEW UP this morning so I actually don't think there's anything in my stomach tbh haha). I think I should get a snack bc my stomach will pass start hurting soon. Just checking in! New semesters can be overwhelming so I'm gonna keep coming back here.

11:49am have selected bogo bacon mcdoubles for lunch with my coffee :) eating food is good for you! I am very thankful ❤️

2:34pm lol I went down a rabbit hole and I'm about to be off my phone for the rest of the day. But it's worth it bc I looked on Vividseats and found a $20 after tax ticket to see Company at the Straz tmrw. I have heard of this musical before but didn't know what it was or any of the songs. Omg I didn't the last 1.5 hrs listening to the original Broadway cast recording in my car and investigating the plot and I am very excited!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about I had no idea that's what I was going to do today and definitely had no idea I was going to see a Broadway show tomorrow night when I freaking woke up this morning, how do I explain to people that this literally is my hobby. Novelty and new experiences is my hobby. Learning about things is my hobby. Listening to new music is my hobby. Reading about how they are being hot and *controversial* about the gender swap in this revival of a 50+ year old play?? I find this fascinating and I am excited AF now about something I couldn't tell you one lick about this morning. This is my favorite thing to do. This is such a perfect example of my idea of a good time.

Do other people never do things like this?? It's spontaneous, but not expensive or dangerous or retarded, it's just spontaneous and interesting to me personally.

4:05pm I actually went to shoe carnival and used the coupon in their email and got a pair of yellow box sandals for $7 even! Just got home, ate a granola bar and am about to take a nap.

11:45pm I want to text him. I'm ALSO FIVE DRINKS IN LMAO. OFC I wish I had a man to fuck rn. I GOT MYSELF DINNER AND DRINKS!!!! NOW it feels like I've been wined and dined and primed to FUCK. But it's literally just me.... I wined and dined myself bc it's the first day of school, things are stressful and they're bound to be more stressful going forward. I wanted to treat myself before I get depressed AF. Is there another man/ woman here?? Fuck NO. I got ME, MYSELF and I BITCH. Dinner was a delicious pizza from king state and a cocktail and 4 shots while I watched "Hair" so yeah ofc I'm COMFORTABLE AND TURNED ON THAT'S LITERALLY ALL IT FUCKING TAKES I'M NOT DIFFICULT BY ANY FUCKING MEANS. one day there will be a man that understands, but until then it's just me, I got me, I know me better than anyone else. All the men I've met are JUST A DELUSION IN MY MIND BRO I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I *CLEARLY* HAVE NOT MET HIM YET and that's ok,bc ..... I got ME.

Hopefully this rant has dissuaded me from texting him bc wtf he's SO FUCKED UP EVEN IF HE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME HE'S UNABLE TO FUCKING DO SHIT ABOUT IT. HE'S A BUM ASS BITCH AND CAN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS!!!!!!! YOU MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHERE YOU ARE EVERY DAMN DAY. HE FUCKED UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. LITERALLY LET HIM ROT ONG BC HIS DUMBASS PICKED A LIL BITCH OVER YOU (A STRONG ASS HO WHO DOESN'T TOLERATE BULLSHIT!!!!!). THE END OMG.

1:34am why TF am I still awake ooooorhhg I am killing myself fr.

[srlkiller]

my mom is up to some shady shit… i need to jus say fuck everything n take her to court to sort it all out 4 good. from now on im gonna move in silence.. im gonna gather all my evidence & meet w the ppl i need to meet w. in 2023 im going to live for me, no one else. if you have parents that love you… please realise how truly blessed you are. i am so envious of those of u who do, that’s all ive ever wanted. idk what my parents are up to.. but i jus know it’s not good. i couldn’t imagine ever treating my child this way… n going around acting like some kind of ‘amazing mom’ knowing full well that u couldn’t care less if i was alive or dead lmao. we jus had a conversation about how much money SHE would get if i died… that’s how fucked up she is. i am being so serious when i say this. if i die… she did it. she knows the EXACT amount that she will get from my death.. she knows the terms in which i have to die in order to collect the money. she told me if i kill myself she doesn’t get anything so if I plan to ‘commit suicide anytime soon’ atleast make it look like it was accidental or from other causes so that she can collect.. who the fuck says that shit to their child? while laughing. she’s serious.. she’s said it many many times & tells me when ‘my policy changes’. im not being dramatic. im 10000% sober & keeping it that way.

what’s worse is that my dad has been texting her about his own ‘death beneficiary’ & asked for my full name??? i was already on his will so im almost positive that they are conspiring (she would have said something to make him do it - most likely so that i don’t get any of his money or his house??? which is SO FUCKED UP like WTF) together to basically take me off of it & put her on it. they’ve been divorced since i was not even 2 years old. how evil can someone be… all she gives a fuck about is MONEY. ive never been like that.. im sentimental. i spent all my $$ on the ppl i love n they all fucked me over. i still.. to this day.. buy her whatever she wants.. anything she likes.. just to try & get her to be nice to me… to pay me some attention.. to spend time w me.. it works for about 30 seconds if that. she usually RETURNS my gifts for the cash bc she knows how much money i have spent on her. she doesn’t buy me a single gift for any fucking thing. yet id still give her the world if I could. i hate myself for it. i will NEVER FORGET my dad calling me around the time my nan was dying and telling me how much of a piece of shit i am & saying that im “nothing but a fucking bitch” bc my mom straight up lied to him n told him the only reason i talk to/see my dad is so that when he dies I’ll be able to get his house & money. LIKE WTF. she saw my dad one day when he came to visit my nan & he mentioned he started seeing some girl & the first thing she did was run home & tell me.. “you better start talking to ur father more.. he has a gf now so ur gonna end up w none of his money when he dies.” i was like where the fuck did that even come from… who thinks like that… who says that shit to their only child about their kids father???

he wasn’t sick.. he wasn’t dying… but i immediately panicked n thought something was wrong. that’s all i cared about. n she was like no he’s fine just though u should seriously rethink talking to him more before he changes his will…… i was like I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS WILL OR HIS MONEY???!!??!! so this makes COMPLETE SENSE for her to do to me… total sense. i should have seen this coming. especially from her. i jus never expected it from him.. but she’s so manipulative & has him twisted around her little finger now to the point where she’s somehow convinced him that this is ‘what is best’. she’s already stolen all of my own money… she took the money that my nan left me when my nan died. hid it in a secret bank account & most likely has already spent it (BUT I BET MY FAMILY DONT KNOW THAT RIGHT?! NOR DO THEY KNOW HOW SHE RLLY IS BC SHE ACTS FAKE AF) now she’s trying to take over my dads shit n he’s too blind to see wtf she’s doing. this is so fucking upsetting. like wtf…………….. who the fuck does this. then goes around talking shit about me to every family member?? to the point where i can no longer attend any family gatherings bc they think she’s so sweet n innocent n im some crazy delusional bitch? IM NOT UR FUCKING ENEMY IM YOUR CHILD. I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG TO YOU. i never wanted to take her to court.. i never wanted it to go this far… but holy shit… she is so evil. it hurts me so much. i just want a mother. that’s it. it hurts so bad. longing for something that’s so close.. yet so far removed. i genuinely do not know where the fuck to go from here… i just want her to give me everything that is legally & rightfully mine so i can LEAVE if she wants me gone so fucking bad. i feel like that’s the only way out. so i guess im gonna have to just do whatever it is i have to do to get all my shit legally & then just cut ties completely. she doesn’t deserve any of my kindness or my love.

& to anyone reading this n thinking/saying shit like “omg stop complaining if it’s so bad then why don’t u jus leave.” - im not stupid. if it was that simple don’t u think i would have left a long ass time ago? no one wants to be in an extremely toxic & abusive environment day in & day out. no one knows all of the shit i have gone through & it’s VERY HARD to just up & leave when you have been manipulated, brainwashed, exploited, controlled, & abused in every single way but the only two people who brought you into this world & were supposed to show you love, protect you & care for you. i have NEVER HAD THAT. EVER. this shit isn’t something new.. this is life long… i have only jus started to become aware of how bad the situation actually is within the last few years with the help of other adult professionals which i used to never be allowed to talk to. unless you have been subjected to the same exact shit you won’t understand it & pls realise how truly blessed u are to not know that kind of pain. it’s a miracle i am even still here standing on my own two feet. even if this legal shit doesn’t work.. atleast i can honestly say that i tried. but i need to start using my fucking smart ass brain instead of following my heart bc when has that ever worked out for me/helped me lmao? i need to now remember to always b alert of absolutely everything when it comes to her, i need to stay on my toes & make sure that i remain 10 steps ahead of her at all times. rn i feel like idk what’s going on n im extremely scared n it’s the worst feeling ever. that’s why i have written this n put this here for documentation & also evidence just incase. todays date is 13/12/22

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 3 - zuko x fem!reader

I feel so much, I get carried away

part 2 | masterlist | part 4

a/n: enjoy the fluff in this chapter bc its not gonna last

once again for reference - this chapter takes place 2 years after the last one so y/n is 11 and zuko is 12

warning(s): eating/food, but otherwise its pure fluff

wc: 3.3k

chapter title comes from carried away by madison beer!

i ran out of kid zuko gifs so i had to make my own smh if you want something done you gotta do it yourself

The young friendship only flourished after that fateful day. Zuko and Y/N began spending almost all of their freetime together between Y/N teaching him about her culture, their usual talking in the hallways, and finding ways to hang out together outside of her schedule. She was absolutely delighted to be teaching Zuko though, so she always made sure there was time for her self proclaimed academy.

Y/N was constantly busy around the castle, so in order to hang out they had started waking up extra early — the pair had become experts at sneaking around the castle with the first rays of the sun. The gardens were a favourite because of its availability, and of course, the turtleducks. It also gave Y/N a chance to bend outside of healing, something that they began to take advantage of as they got older.

Sparring sessions became a regular between them as a way for Y/N to get some practice with martial bending, Zuko to experience fighting against a waterbender, and just another way for them to spend time together. Of course, they had to keep it as quiet as possible to avoid alerting anyone of their presence, but that became the least of their worries over time.

They each pushed each other to be better, and with Y/N’s healing skills, they were able to walk away every morning without any injuries. But after discovering a very unfair advantage that the prince held, she decided that morning sparring just wasn’t enough.

(“Firebending gets stronger in the morning,” he had told her after a particularly brutal blast resulting in some emergency bending on Y/N’s part to extinguish a tree. “My teachers always say that we rise with the sun.”

“Well,” she had said with a smile. “We rise with the moon. You just signed yourself up for some late night sparring sessions.”)

Y/N had truly started to come into her own. It had been two years since her capture, and though she had in no way made peace with her life in the Fire Nation, she was trying to take advantage of it as much as she could. Even though she despised being at the beck and call of nobles and guards, she couldn’t deny the opportunities it gave her to hone her abilities. Her healing had improved tenfold and her martial bending wasn’t too shabby either. Between all of the time spent with Zuko and practicing her bending, she was able to distract herself from her dim reality.

But the world was a cruel, cruel place, no matter how much she tried to ignore it. It didn’t treat souls like Zuko and Y/N kindly, a fact that they would soon become aware of.

In the moment though, Y/N was more focused on not getting burnt.

She twirled to the side as a small flame shot past her, just barely managing to dodge it as she bent a stream of water out from the pond and sent it at Zuko. He turned it to steam as he blocked it with his own fire, which he then sent back at her with a combination of a punch and a kick. Y/N raised her hands and bent up a large wall of water from the pond, and with a small grunt on her part, sent it flying towards Zuko. He tried to conjure up his own fire shield in an effort to extinguish the water once more, but it was too little too late and he ended up getting knocked to the ground and completely drenched.

Y/N couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from her lips as Zuko wiped water off of his face, sputtering incoherently while he pushed himself up. “Did you really have to do that?” he complained.

“You know I do.” She grinned as she walked around the pond to his side, cracking her knuckles before she began to bend the water out of his clothes. “This was in the morning, too. Admit it, I’m getting better!”

He cracked a smile of his own. “You really are. I just wish that you getting better didn’t end up in me getting soaked every time.”

She bent the water she had extracted from his clothes back into the pond and held out her hand to help him up from the ground, which he took gratefully. “That just makes it more fun.”

As she helped pull him up, Y/N found herself more than a little transfixed. The rays of the rising sun shone down on him perfectly, and the smile still on his lips made her feel flutter bats in her stomach.

Y/N didn’t know when she had started seeing Zuko in a different light than usual. When his laughs became melodious, his smile like a ray of sunshine on its own, his company coveted. While she was usually able to trade verbal jabs with him without a second thought, doing her self-assigned job of keeping him humble, something had changed in the past year.

They grew steadily closer over the years after they had met, but one event in particular all but pushed Zuko into her arms.

Ursa’s banishment.

Of course, they didn’t know that she had been banished. No one aside from Ozai knew the true nature of her disappearance — to her children and the other inhabitants of the palace, it was just that. A disappearance.

It was suspicious, yes. All in the span of a day, Princess Ursa vanished, Fire Lord Azulon mysteriously perished, and Ozai took his place, but nothing could be done. It was a somber day for every servant — Ursa showed them a kindness that couldn’t be found anywhere else in the palace, and to rub salt in the wound, a man just as cruel as Azulon had risen to the throne.

Zuko was devastated. He had always been close with his mother, and the only thing she had given him before leaving was a short goodbye and a kiss. He was angry beyond belief at the abandonment, and that anger overshadowed his grief.

Y/N tried to help him, but he lashed out at her.

“Your mother is still here and she loves you! Mine left me like I was nothing. Don’t try and say you know how I feel.”

“But my father is gone. I do know how you feel Zuko, and I want to help you, but I can’t help you if you keep pushing me away.”

“…you don’t know anything.”

It hurt, but she knew he needed space. She gave it to him, letting him brew alone and take out his anger however necessary, but let him know that the door was open when he was ready to talk.

He did — he had apologized for what he said and she accepted, and Zuko ended up spilling every emotion he had to her over the next few weeks. She listened, offered advice when she could, and made Zuko feel a little bit less alone in the scheme of it all. It was a horrible experience, but it brought them closer together, and the prince was eternally thankful that he had a friend to help him through the ordeal.

The night that he came to her room, admitting that he was hurting and asking for her help — Y/N thinks that was the moment she fell for him. She cursed herself at the time for developing feelings for her only friend in the palace, but over time she learned to cover them up. She had to remember her place.

She understood her role, but it got harder and harder to keep up with it the more time she spent with Zuko — this moment was no exception.

“Yeah, yeah. I just hold back because I don’t want to burn you.”

“Liar!” she exclaimed, hitting him playfully on the shoulder. “You forget that I can heal myself if anything goes wrong. Besides, I know you’d never burn me. I trust you.”

Zuko smiled and smoothed his clothes back down, the only sign of their sparring session now gone. “Good, because I trust you too. No matter how many times you totally drench me.”

She snorted as she started to walk back to the palace. “Like I said, that just makes it more fun. And as fun as it has been completely crushing you in combat, duty calls.”

He sighed, giving a reluctant nod as he started to follow her — then his eyes lit up, and he grabbed her arm to stop them. “Wait, how much work do you have today?”

Y/N thought for a few seconds then shrugged. “Dunno, it varies. I got stuck working with Jaysa all this morning, so that’s going to take forever, I have my usual healing lessons with Master Rika after, and then I usually just end up going around with whatever else comes my way for the rest of the day.” She grinned and lowered her voice as if the subject of the matter could somehow hear her. “I’ve been working on a dress for my mother in secret because her birthday is coming up soon, so the free time I get between my shifts that isn’t spent with you has been going towards that.”

Zuko gaped. “You’re making her a dress all on your own, with no help? How?”

She held up her hands with a proud smile. “These things are good for waterbending, sewing, and hitting best friends.”

He gave her a sideways grin at that. “I’m your best friend?”

Y/N snickered and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, dummy. You’re like, the only person that likes me in this whole nation. Of course you’re my best friend.”

“Well…” he started. “Would a best friend like to break the rules even more tonight?”

Her eyes lit up in turn, completely betraying her excitement despite her attempt to look nonchalant about it. “That depends — what d’you have in mind?”

He grinned and leaned forward, dropping his voice to a whisper as he spoke in her ear. “So, after you finish work for the night, we…”

-

It was a struggle to get through all of her work after the plan that she and Zuko had formulated — sure, they broke the rules all the time. The basis of their entire friendship was breaking the rules, but this was going farther than they ever had before. Y/N wasn’t thinking about the consequences though, she was thinking about the journey — that was her first mistake.

She had rushed through all of her chores with Jaysa, hardly paid attention in her healing lessons, and made quick work of the rest of her day until she was finally able to meet up with Zuko at one of the various servant entrances that she had shown him.

“You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, his body buzzing with nervous energy. “I thought you were never gonna come.”

“Some of us actually have work to get done, mister crown prince,” she joked as she bumped his shoulder with hers. “But that doesn’t matter — let’s get going before someone catches us! I don’t want it to get too dark either.”

“It’s gonna be fine,” Zuko reassured. “My dad is in war meetings all day, no one is going to catch us. Now come on!”

Zuko pushed open the door, grabbed her hand, and began to pull her along. A laugh fell from her lips as they ran, unable to stop herself from casting a cautionary glance behind them as they got farther from the palace. Y/N tried to push her worries out of her mind — like she had told Zuko earlier, she trusted him.

That was her second mistake.

It was surprisingly easy to sneak past the guards around the wall and just as quick to get through Royal Caldera, and before Y/N knew it, they had arrived in the city.

It was nothing like she had ever seen before.

The village she had grown up in was miniscule compared to anything in the Fire Nation, and she was especially awestruck upon entering the city. As home to more middle class citizens than anything, it was a bustling marketplace filled with workers and nobles alike — if she hadn’t been preoccupied with the stars in her eyes, she would’ve been able to see the way Zuko was absolutely beaming at her.

“Come on!” he exclaimed, grabbing her hand once again as he began to walk — at a much more moderate pace than their run here — down the streets. “There’s so much here that I wanna show you. Have you ever been out here?”

She shook her head, allowing herself to gawk at her surroundings while they went down the street. “We aren’t really allowed to leave the palace since we’re technically still prisoners, just… ones that work. My mother always had to give her money to one of the other servants so that when they went out to buy their things, they could pick some stuff up for us as well. This is all totally new.”

Once again, a frown found its way onto Zuko’s face, but only for a split second before he pointed at a stall opposite to them. “Oh— there’s a fruit stand! Come on, you have to try this.”

Y/N let Zuko pull her over to the stand, looking at the array of fruits on display while Zuko conversed with the merchant. A few silver pieces later and they were walking away with a basket of produce — miraculously, the prince hadn’t been recognized, so she figured he wouldn’t need a disguise. Third mistake.

“Here,” he said, offering her a mango from the basket. “You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Fire Nation mango.”

She took the fruit from him and bit into it, her eyes immediately widening as she turned on Zuko. “Tui’s gills, this is delicious! You’re telling me that you people just have this on hand but we don’t get any of it?”

He shrugged and took a fig from the basket as Y/N wiped some juice off of her chin. “There’s a reason I’ve helped you break into the kitchens so many times. Now, where do you wanna go next?”

-

The pair spent the next couple of hours browsing the marketplace, enjoying their day on the Fire Lord’s coin. Zuko was more than happy to show Y/N parts of his culture after all she had taught him, and she was more than happy to experience it. They had been able to buy lanterns for the upcoming Festival of Szeto, purchase their own blends of tea leaves, and of course Zuko insisted on getting fire flakes and gummies.

(Y/N thought he was insane. Why in the world would the Fire Nation want to make food that hurt them on purpose? She was going to stick with her newfound love for mangoes.)

But Zuko hadn’t even brought her to the best part yet.

“Can I open my eyes now?” She asked, her anxious tone betraying her curiosity.

“Now you can.” Y/N was met with Zuko’s grin and as she focused on the stand in front of them, she had to make a conscious effort to not gape.

Zuko had brought her to a sewing stand with all the threads, fabrics, and silks that she could dream of in all kinds of colors. She immediately rushed forward, unable to stop herself from running her hands over and through each and every piece of material — she was in a seamstress’s heaven.

“I take that as a sign you like it?” Zuko asked happily.

“Oh, definitely,” she confirmed, still completely caught up in all the choices. “This is so much better than all the material we’re given to work with!”

“That’s why I brought you here. I thought you could get some stuff for yourself, and some stuff to help with the dress you’re making for your mom. I don’t really know how sewing works, but I thought that this was one way I could help.”

“That is so sweet of you!” she gushed. “Thank you so much — you should probably get around to some of the other stalls because I… I think I’m gonna be here for a while.”

Zuko laughed and fished out of a couple of golden pieces then set them in her hand. “That’s okay. I’ll meet you over by the steps; we can watch the sunset together.”

They nodded as parting gifts and each was enveloped in their tasks; Y/N beginning to ask the merchant questions about everything at their stand and Zuko off to entertain himself for a few more minutes.

Soon enough, Y/N had her own small bundle of silks and fabrics, her mind already going off in a million different ways of how she could incorporate it into the design. She found Zuko sitting on the steps and as she took her own seat next to him, he handed her another mango.

“Did you find everything you wanted?” She nodded and hummed gratefully as she accepted the fruit, taking a bite as her eyes fell on the skyline in front of them.

“I had a really great time today, Zuko. I really can’t thank you enough for taking me out here. I… I think I forgot what it was like to feel like this.”

“Like what?”

“...happy.” She paused for a second before allowing herself to meet his eyes. “All the time I spend with you in the palace… It’s one of the only times that I really do feel happy. And being out here today, getting to walk around where I wanted and buy things and just— I feel free, Zuko. And that means everything to me.”

She felt the heat rush to her cheeks and she turned away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on like that—“

Zuko gently reached out for her hand, drawing her attention back to him and the soft smile on his face.

“Well… I care about you. You’re nice to me, and you take time out of your day to help me which you don’t have to do. This is just me trying to pay you back for all you’ve done to help me. We can do this more often — whenever my dad’s busy.”

Her own smile grew on her lips and she nodded as she laced her fingers with his. “I care about you too. And.. I’d like that.”

Y/N leaned her head on his shoulder and together, they watched the sunset over the city.

There was no place either of them would rather be.

-

Y/N and Zuko made their way back to the palace as quickly as they could after realizing how late it had gotten. Y/N was sure that she was going to get the talking-to of her life after what she had done, but she was almost giddy after what had just happened. She could deal with any of Kura’s consequences later — right now the only thought in her mind was the feeling of Zuko’s hand in hers.

The night had been nothing short of perfect. She had felt freer than ever before out there in the city with Zuko, and knowing that he reciprocated the feelings she had for him was enough to make her heart burst. She cared for him, and he cared for her.

Of course, there was that nagging question of how they would continue now that their friendship had morphed into something more, but once again — it was something she would deal with later. Her fourth and final mistake.

But as a guard turned the corner, Y/N realized she might not get the chance. She quickly let go of Zuko’s hand and tucked it under the bundle of fabric, hoping that the gesture of affection had been missed by the man.

If he had noticed, he showed no sign of it. He stopped in front of them, a gruff voice speaking from behind the mask with words that made her heart stop.

“Prince Zuko, the Fire Lord has requested an audience with you.”

-

haha OOPS

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ehfar: @chandies-sideblog @persica27

atla: @marianne1806

#zuko x reader #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #zuko fic #zuko #avatar #avatar the last airbender #avatar fic #avatar the last airbender fic #atla #atla fic #zuko avatar #sadie writes

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

#Lu rambles #long post #meta #Gallifrey audios #big finish audios #leela of the sevateem #chara tag: then reason is a liar #irving braxiatel #(still don't have a chara tag :(( ) #weapon of choice #the inquiry #spirit #mindbomb #panacea #reborn #dissassembled #annihilation #i relistened to Mindbomb again to factcheck myself #i forgot how much good brax-leela stuff there is in it #the last time i heard it was pre-this duo taking over my braincells #relationship: remember your heart

[lazychickensoup]

Fic/0ne shot/drabble idea: suga x reader, where their apartment spaces are right beside each other and their showers are on opposite sides, so there is only a wall between their showers. So when theyre showering at the same time sometimes they sing duets. They never figure out who each other is, bc different work schedules, but one day, outside they apartment, y/n starts humming a tune sung previously by her in the shower only to have a star struck stranger slowly join her.

-Tsb

Moving is never fun, but moving for a job that pays you twice the amount of your old salary is bearable. It’s been a long weekend of unpacking absolutely nothing. I was supposed to get all my boxes delivered on Friday, but I got a call saying that they went to the wrong address in a different prefecture. Luckily, I had packed some stuff in a suitcase for the first couple of nights because even if I had the boxes the last thing I would be doing is unpacking.

Tomorrow is my first day, or should I say night, at my job. Working night shifts is gonna take some getting used to. I stayed up all day yesterday and all night. It’s 4:30 in the morning, that’s late enough for me. I turn the nobs on the shower heating it up to a flesh-burning heat. I grab all my toiletries from my suitcase and set them up o the shelves before finally stepping in. The water pressure felt amazing, like a massage. I grab my shampoo and start my showering routine which of course meant giving my own concert. This song has been stuck in my head for weeks because of the radio. Having no shame I start singing the chorus not so gracefully.

“Oh good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me, if you ever cared to ask. Good for” I was interrupted by another voice on the other side of my shower.

“You, You’re doing great out there without me, baby…” It dies down after realizing that I wasn’t singing along anymore. “Sorry! Did I ruin your solo?” the voice called out. I put my ear up against the wall trying to hear the room across from me. I couldn’t tell because of the water hitting me but I think that there was a shower on the other side of my wall as well.

“Um no. You just scared me.” I continue to awkwardly wash my body, covering myself as if they could see me.

“Oh sorry! You’re my new neighbor right? How are you settling in?” Is he seriously trying to make small talk while we both shower?

“Um okay, I guess. All of my boxes got delivered to another address so I’m living out of a suitcase right now. I start my new job tomorrow though so maybe that will be fun.”

“Damn, all your belongings are with someone else? That sucks. Well, maybe I could meet you tomorrow for coffee on the way to work? My treat as a welcoming. What time do you go in?”

“I go in at 6pm. I work night shifts at a manga company. So no coffee for me sorry. What do you do that gets you up so early?” I hear him chuckle, it was kinda low and made my stomach twist in a good way.

“I work at an elementary school. So I don’t get off till about 4. Well, that’s unfortunate. Maybe I’ll bump into you one day. Give you a proper welcome. I got to go, nice talking to you.” I say goodbye as well turning off my water and throwing on some underwear and a T-shirt. I walk out to my door peeking out to see if I would catch a glimpse of the mystery man on his way to work. I sat there for a good 10 minutes before sleep won and I crawl into bed.

It’s been 6 days since my first conversation with the mystery man. We’ve talked to each other a few more times when we both coincidentally get in the shower at the same time. Every time we find a couple of songs to duet to. Our favorite one to sing together is Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. We also talk about our lives and hoping to finally meet in between our busy schedules.

Having to wake up early isn’t a good look for me, I have no fucks to give at 4 in the afternoon which is really 4 in the morning for me. The only reason I’m up this early is that my boxes are finally coming in. I meet the driver and his buddies telling them that I would like them all inside since I have no one to help me unpack. They couldn’t seem to care less about what I said and still put them right in front of my apartment. As they are getting back into their truck I lean over the railing and call out to them.

“Yeah, fuck you too.” I turn around looking at the tower of boxes and groan. This is gonna take forever and I have to leave in two hours. I start taking them one by one into the house while humming my favorite shower tune. I walk outside to get another box when I heard the same song being whistled next to me. I look over to see a man about my height maybe a little taller. His hair was a silvery gray and look incredibly soft. I must have been staring too long, he looked over to me and froze just as I did. Eyeing me up and down. I could believe this was my neighbor he so pretty. I feel like I'm in some kind of story. “Hey, neighbor.” I wave awkwardly.

“Hi, I see you finally got your boxes in.”

“Yep, stupid moving guys put them all outside though so..”

“Oh, well let me help you, I just have to put my stuff away real quick.” He rushes inside and I walk to his door calling out.

“No no you don’t have to do that you just got back from work right?”

“Yes but this would be a formal welcoming wouldn't it? I Koushi Sugawara by the way. Please call me Suga.” He rolls up his sleeves displaying his slender but built arms. He waves me off with a smile and starts to pick up a box.

“Okay Suga, I’m Y/n L/n you can call me by ether.” I see no getting out of this one. I tell him where I would like them and go outside to get one myself. I bent down grabbing the box but Sugas voice makes me drop it sitting back up.

“Y/n? Are you not wearing pants?” I turn around to him sure my face was a deep shade of red. I had forgotten to put some on earlier because I was waiting for the moving guys to finish.

“I-um-why were you looking?” I shoot back at him his face also heating up.

“No no I didn’t mean to. You just had gone to grab a box and I-”

“It’s fine let just forgot this happened I'll go put on some shorts. Sorry.” I run into my room to get clothes. Walking back out I see him looking around at the empty walls. ‘“I see you brought in the last boxes thank you.”

“Of course neighbor. I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“How about one of your days off we go on a picnic date. I know some really beautiful parks around here.” He stares awaiting my answer but I was in shock. We had only met 30 minutes ago and now he want to go on a date?

“Um...Sure.”

“Great, see you this weekend beautiful.”

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu drabbles #sugawara x reader #sugawara x y/n #suga fluff #sugawara koushi #🥢🥡.ask #🥢🥡.drabbles #tbs anon

[davidpastrsnack]

buckle up besties, roommate anon is about to make you literally cry with this recap

(1) ok so. tyler’s family were scary but they ended up being so nice. when we first got there his brother asked me how much tyler paid me to be there 💀 tyler nudged him and said knock it off. then his brother said “well tyler, glad youre finally bringing a girl home” and his mom had come in just then. and scolded ty’s brother lol. his sister just said hi from the couch and ty went up to her and whispered something. and then they did a handshake which was so cute 🥺 i asked ty’s mom if she needed help with dinner. she took me up on that. it was nice talking to her. she was really sweet. we talked and even got to joking around. so thats good. ty’s dad came home in the meantime and said hi. he talked to me a bit too. ty’s sister was still a bit standoff-ish at dinner. she wasnt mean. just didnt really interact with me. she was the hardest to win over. but she did compliment my outfit. i appreciated that i changed three times she mentioned she needed new clothes for when school starts. i told her if she needed a shopping buddy to let me know. and she was like “really? can we go tomorrow?” and i looked at ty bc i had no clue what he had planned. and he sighed and was like “well i had plans to show her around tomorrow” and i gave him a look and he goes “but i guess we can do that after you guys get back” so next day i woke up before ty and got ready. then just sat there until he was up bc i was too scared to go downstairs alone lol. when we did go it was just his parents awake. his mom had me sit with them while ty made coffees lol. his mom told me they enjoyed having me here. and that tyler hasnt brought a girl over since his hs gf. who wasnt allowed to spend the night lol. and she told me he seemed really happy and…in l-word with me 🙈🙈🙈 oh and she said to not pay too much attention to his sister’s behavior bc she’s just jealous she’s not getting all of ty’s attention lmao. then later i took his sister shopping. we found a pair of earrings we both thought were cute so i bought myself and her a pair. she was really thankful and sweet. we ended up talking and she warmed up to me. especially when i said “you know youre just as amazing as tyler says” and she was like “what?” and i said “he talks about you all the time. i was really excited to meet you because he always says youre his best friend” i think she started to like me more after that. idk i tried to show her that im not stealing her brother from her lol. oh and me and her talked about boys and she mentioned this one guy. i was like oh is he cute and she blushed. i go omg do you have a crush on him. she was so red and told me i couldnt tell ty lol. when we got back though, ty’s brother had friends over. they were asking his sister who her friend was. she rolled her eyes lol. so sassy. then they were introducing themselves to me and ty’s brother was like “she’s not interested. she’s in college and is my brother’s girlfriend” i had to hold myself back from laughing that im in college came first and then ty’s gf. but in their introductions i learned that the boy ty’s sister has a crush on is her brother’s friend 🙈 oh girl. i gave her a look. she ran upstairs to put her stuff away lol.

(2) oh and during all this ty was at the store bc his mom sent him to run errands lol. so i chilled with her. helped her get some stuff ready since we were doing a cookout for dinner that night. ty finally came back. his mom shooed us out of the kitchen and told us to go have fun and then when we were putting on our shoes to go she yells “not too much fun though” 🙈 ty’s brother and his friends were snickering. high schoolers smh 🙈 so ty drove us and showed me around. it was fun. it was cute hearing his stories and memories and seeing how excited he got at some things. tbh i think i was giving him heart eyes more than i was looking around 🙈🙈 idk if i can explain it. just seeing him in his element. and a whole new level of relaxed and at home and domestic. idk. maybe youll get it 🙈 he also asked me how shopping with his sister went. so i told him about that minus her crush i aint a snitch. and i told him about his brothers comment lol. he goes “he’s so ridiculous he literally told his friend there was gonna be a college girl at his house. and he told me that you were too hot for me” that one made me giggle. ty said he smacked his brother for that one lol. i said “well i think you’re too hot for me. i mean look at you” he said “what the fuck are you talking about. i’m the luckiest guy in the world for managing to snag you” which 🥺🥺🥺 he was driving so i leaned over and kissed his cheek. bc it was so cute. and kate🙈🙈🙈 bestie 🙈🙈🙈 im only telling you this (and my other anon friends) bc i trust you guys. i havent told anyone else 🙈 but… i was really close to saying the three words to him 🙈🙈 really really close. but i got scared 🙈 it feels too soon. or that maybe its just in my head bc of what his mom said. idk.

(3) i maybe repeated some of this bc i forgot where i left off. we drove around some more. parked and walked around at a few stops. i maybe asked him about his hs gf 🙈 he said they werent really compatible and she was nice but they were better as friends and dated more bc of the pressure of dating. he was very open and honest about it though and that just made me more 🥺 we went to a park with a really nice overlook. then you have to walk through a forest and theres another more secluded one. we were going to kiss but i said “did you take all the girls here” and he said “no, i actually only ever came here alone. youre the only one” and i gave him a 🥺 look. he was a little pink. and i really really wanted to say it again 🙈 but i just kissed him instead. and then we made out 🙈🙈 for a decent amount of time actually. it felt like we were the ones in hs lol. then we were gonna go back. but our lips were a little swollen and red 🙈 so we went to get ice cream instead. then we went back to ty’s. his brother made a comment about us being gone for a while and was smirking. ty flicked him😭 oh and omg kate this was so cute 🥺 so they have these really cute lights in their backyard. his mom is super trendy lol. and they had music playing the whole time. eventually everyone went inside. they refused to let me help bc i had helped enough. i told ty i wanted to sit outside some more. it was so cute out there. the music was playing softly and i was cuddled up with ty and wearing his sweatshirt. it was a good vibe and i wanted to enjoy it.

(4) so we were sitting there quietly. he was just rubbing my shoulder with his thumb since his arm was around my shoulders. and then omg kate 🙈 this is so cheesy 🙈 thinking out loud by ed sheeran came on. ty got up and held his hand out. and asked “dance with me?” i had the biggest grin on my face and nodded. so we danced in his backyard 🙈 just like swayed back and forth nothing fancy. he was spinning me around and i was laughing. eventually we weren’t even dancing just laughing and swaying and trying to get each other to spin 🙈🙈🙈 until he finally pulled me in and we swayed again. i really almost said it again 🙈 but then he leaned down and kissed me. it was soft and sweet. we didnt stay out too long after that. but then we got ready for bed and stuff and he ran downstairs bc his brother used his phone charger and left it downstairs. and when he came back up he was so red. and i was like “are you good? did you just run a marathon or something?” and he flopped down on the bed next to me and groaned. he goes “my whole family saw that” and i said “saw what” and he goes “us dancing and the kiss. i just got hardcore roasted” and then i was like “oh” and he goes “my mom and sister think were adorable. my dad said i need to learn how to dance” which made me laugh. and then he goes “my brother told me my kissing game was weak and my mom glared at him and said it was respectful, which is how you should treat girls.” i hid my face in his chest and said ty this is so embarrassing. he said “your fault for laughing so hard it got their attention” but he said it jokingly lol. i said “maybe take your dads advice and learn to dance so i dont have to laugh” which made him laugh and squeeze my side. that made me squeal and i go oh no that was so loud. tyler was cracking up. but then he got serious and told me he was glad i was getting along with his family 🥺 he told me i fit with them well and that hes glad i was able to bond with his siblings, especially his sister 🥺🥺🥺

(4? 5? fuck i forgot again) and then today i woke up first before anyone else. so i threw on tyler’s sweatshirt and went and sat outside again. just enjoyed the morning. ty’s mom came out and asked me how i slept and all that. then told me she saw us two dancing last night. and she told me her son was clearly in l-word with me and then she smirked over her coffee mug and said “i think the feelings mutual” and took a sip of her drink. SHES SUCH A SAVAGE 🙈🙈🙈 i took a sip of my coffee just so i didnt have to respond and i could feel my whole face was on fire. but then she goes “you two are really sweet and im glad you make him so happy” and i said “he makes me happy too. you raised a great guy” and she smiled at me. then she told me stories about her and her husband meeting and stuff. and also about raising tyler. then his dad came out and brought breakfast. he also added in some stories. oh and his mom asked for my number and she sent me a few pictures she took of me and ty when we were sitting outside and when we were dancing 🙈🙈 idk how neither of us noticed them watching us through the window. but the pictures were cute. ty and his brother came downstairs and also ate with us. then ty and i went on a walk around their neighborhood which was nice and peaceful. when we got back we chilled with his family some more. his sister was awake too and asked me to help her with makeup. so we went to her room. and she was like “you and my brother are cute” 🥺 and she goes “that kiss was like a movie kiss” and i blushed 🙈 she told me how she hasnt had her first kiss and asked me about mine and stuff. it was kinda cute that she trusted me to like ask questions and be open. she was more open about her crush too and told me how he talked to her yesterday and gushed about how cute he was. i just let her go with it lol. and then she told me it was nice having a girl to talk to like a sister bc she cant talk to her brothers about that stuff 🥺🥺 so i told her if she ever wanted to talk she could reach out to me. so now she follows me on insta and has my number lol. then we sat with the fam again and had lunch and then it was time for ty and i to leave. everyone in his family gave me a hug 🥺 and they told me i should visit again 🥺 so it started off really scary but his family dynamic is so cute and they were all nice.

#i will scream in the tags #BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAT #IM SPEECHLESS #first of all as someone who is the judgemental younger sister lol she was def just warming up to you #but you guys went shopping together🥺 #IM WEAK SHES IN COLLEGE CAME FIRST💀 #but omg tys sister not the brother’s friend but that’s so sweet that she talked to you about her crush🥺 #AWWW OMG DRIVING AROUND THATS SO CUTE #AND BITCH IM SCREAMING FOR YOU #ITS SO SCARY BUT ALSO WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW👀 #awww omg you guys are so cute #YOU GUYS DANCED OUTSIDE UNDER THE LIGHTS #HELLO THATS ACTUALLY A MOVIE #and they saw you omg😭 #GIRL HE IS IN L WORD WITH YOU #BAHAHAH AND SHE CALLED YOU TF OUT #omg stop the way she trusts you so much already #i’m so so so happy you had a good time #IM LITERALLY SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUU #and i’m def missing stuff in these tags but it was hard to form a coherent thought after reading this all #roommate anon

[stargirlfics]

Hi, first of all I love your writing.

Second: I was wondering if I could get help/advice? You see I'm moving in with my boyfriend next Monday, he was married before but his wife died giving birth to their baby girl who is 4 years old now. I have obviously meet the little girl and we get along well but now that I am moving in I'm not going to be "daddy's girlfriend who plays with me" like I know I'm never gonna take her mom's place but I have to act like one, I love her but problem is I am white and have only taken care of my little siblings (alwo white), the little girl is black just like her mommy and I know our skin and hair have different needs, I bought a big doll and have been practicing hairstyles that I found on youtube that are for her hair type (I am not very good at it ir but I promise I'm trying) , I just don't know what I should do like the special care of her hair or like is there something I should know before moving in? Also, I know she is struggling with accepting herself, she told my boyfriend's mom that as his dad is white and is dating a white girl maybe she isn't as pretty as she thought because her daddy isn't with someone who looks like her, that seriously broke my heart and I wanna make sure she knows she's beautiful and loved, but like I don't really know how to make her understand that, I don't even acept myself so I don't know how to teach self-love to others, love my boyfriend and I love his daughter as if she was my own and I really wanna be the best umm mommy or step mommy that I can, but I'm kinda nervous because I don't wanna ruin it.

I know you and majority of your readers are black, so girls: any advice/tip you could give me for this little girl so she can be and grow a happy girl?

Thank you!!

Hey thank you!

I think to start I want to say that your concern and care about making sure your bf’s daughter is happy and know she’s loved is a sign that your heart is already in the right place and the nervousness you feel does come from fear of ruining things or letting her down like you said but those are only fears, trust that the research you’ve done and will do and the fact that you already love her and treat her as your own will guide you in the right direction!

As for any tips I think making sure that she has visual and physical examples of toys or dolls and media and things that represent her and look like her will help and also making sure she has black friends too as she grows up bc as someone who grew up primary surrounded by white people for a long time it can be lonely and makes you feel out of place you know and I think just trying to do your best to remind her that she is pretty and loved and wonderful as she is so she starts to hear that all the time you know and when she expresses doubts about herself bc of what she looks like it’s important both you and your bf sit down with her and talk that out, let her explain in her way how she feels and what may be making her think that and do your best to reassure her

I definitely understand not being sure how to teach that to someone else when you yourself struggle with accepting yourself and practicing self love but I try to think of self love as a very long process involving mostly baby steps, it just starts with reminding and reminding and reminding your brain or another person of their worth and beauty as a person so that when their thoughts start to go negative they already have that foundation of love from parental figures or friends or what have you to fall back on and remember at those moments

I also think it’s important to know that even with that foundation you set for her, the world in general is a place that isn’t kind or welcoming to black girls in particular and it will be a battle as she grows up when she encounters experiences being in the world whether it’s about her hair to her skin to her beauty to any outright racism and micro aggressions that get internalized even from within the community and from outside as well, and just being there for her is key so she’s able to navigate those experiences knowing in the back of her mind that she’s loved and has been filled up with love since childhood which is a super vital period of time

I truly think through loving her and instilling her with as much confidence and care as possible and seeing that take hold it can also have the same affect on yourself and your own struggles with self acceptance, I really believe in loving households having that power even if it’s hard to always do that or know what to do and if it’s right, you try your best and make it a point every day to give her the care she deserves and that love and care is a collaboration between you and your man and those two positive forces can do a lot for her!

I wish you all the luck building this family! 💓💓💓

#advice #black youtubers for hair tips are a godsend!

[ziracona]

On a scale of one to ten (one is your screwed and ten is your gonna destroy them) how would you do in a fight against the dead by daylight killers. First rules though. 1. No prep for either side (suck it Danny) 2. No guns! Only weapons found around your house. 3. It's to the death one being leaves an that's it. 4. No help from friends or pets. 5. Whether legion is four teens or just one combined is up to you.

Uhh, this depends drastically on if you mean I one v one every one of them, or if I’m trying to fight a mob. Because if it’s me vs all of them, I’d just die. Like I’m sure I’d have decent odds of killing at least one, maybe two, and taking them with me. But I’m not John Wick—I cant 1v23 a bunch of armed people with some degree of experience with their weapons given no prep time, allies, or special weapons to save me. I like basically anyone else die sadly to the mob.

If this is one v one though, bc it’d be hard to get them all to work together anyway, and that’s the only way like anyone stands a chance?

Evan: I give me 50-50 odds. He’s way bigger than me and his weapon has a longer reach than any known, even the swords. I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet though. I feel like I have about a 50% chance of living or dying (I’m getting gravely injured regardless), but if I die, I am taking him with me, 80% chance. I was not always proficient at winning fights, but I was very good at not losing them. I’ve been known for taking a sword to get a kill hit at cons a lot. I give me a 6 at simultaneous KO or victory.

Philip I refuse to kill. Even if he was trying to kill me. I would defend myself though. Much bigger threat than Evan to me because I /don’t/ want to hurt him at all, which puts me at disadvantage and liable to freeze up or make mistakes even trying to deal nonlethal damage, he’s bigger and taller than me so height and weight advantage, and I don’t have long enough weapons to help me overcome that, plus on top of that, he’s a tactical fighter, which is what I am. And I think it’s harder to beat someone at your and their own game than just to beat another style most of the time. I mean skill is skill in any area, but I’d take a really strong tank in a fight rather than a planner any day of the week. I think he’s smart, probably smarter than me under pressure, definitely more experienced, and would kick my ass tactically if his heart was in it. If it wasn’t though, I’d have a chance to catch him off guard. I think Vs Philip I get one chance to use a tricky move, and if I mess that up, I die. If I do it right, maybe I can knock him out. It’s a one shot long shot at disadvantage. I give me a 4 if his heart isn’t in it, 3 if it is.

Hillbilly has a chainsaw and hammer, but those are both unwieldy and slow weapons. I’m faster than him, and I’m willing to get hurt. Also he’s killed a lot, but he’s not a /fighter/, which gives me an edge. Being tactical works really well vs someone whose edge is brute force. And he doesn’t have as massive a height or strength advantage. I also have tricks and home court advantage. So long as I don’t fuck up, I give myself an 8.5.

Sally isn’t that scary. I would try to incapacitate her. I feel I could easily take her as a ghost or a person. I have good ghost fighting supplies, salt, chalk, talismans, knowledge. I’m prepared for this. I think I’m coming in for this one at a solid 10.

Michael Myers would kill me. I mean, he’s got like X-Man semi invincibility, good skills, and I don’t really want to kill him. I’d try to talk him down while defending myself. I’d probably fail, but I’d try. Best case scenario I get him to hesitate, but also I’m being generous and giving me a 12% chance of that. Realistically, best case is I pull out a rug, trip him, and temporarily escape. A fight in an enclosed space, most likely outcome is I try and fail to talk him down, and I die. I feel very sure I cannot take him in a fight unless Ishtar herself blesses me with god like abilities. I’m probably dead. At least it would be quick. I give me a 1.6.

Lisa is tiny and not that strong. I could easily break her little glass bones. I’m taller and stronger than her, and she had worse weapons than me. I would try not to kill her though—just incapacitate. I feel I could do this while sustaining only minor wounds. Not to give you a look beyond weird ghost shit into my personal arsenal, but I definitely have supplies for that. I give me a 10.

Herman is tall and strong but he’s not a fighter. He’s a scientist. I’ve been shocked before, and I know what to expect from him. He’s getting blasted by a power washer at range until his weird face apparatus comes off and he’s down and out. I have more precise weapons than him and can easily neutralize his abilities and turn them against him. Also have rubber to wear. He’s big though, so for that alone I give me a 9.6 in case I mess up.

Anna would destroy me. She’s good at ranged weapons, I am not. I would try to look as young as possible and convince her in my very bad but slowly improving baby Russian to please have mercy on me. We’re back to the Michael scenario where I know I have no chance of normal survival and would have to try and talk my way out. My odds are higher here though. I’m pretty cute and I know a little Russian. I give me a 4. But the 4 is not me winning it’s my odds of surviving through begging for my life. She’d kick my ass in a fight.

Bubba isn’t that good at fighting and has a big and cumbersome, if scary, weapon. I feel I could easily use terrain, weapons, and strategy to my advantage and kill him, unless I’m in a place with no terrain or furniture. In which case it’d be a lot worse for me. If I was not, though, I give me a solid 9.6 at owning that fight. I have a good throwing arm and plenty of stuff that can blind a foe, and a lot of weapons. A lot of weapons.

Freddy. Okay this is hard. I know how to kill him about as well as anyone does? So comparatively my odds are good? But. Also he’s a demon and a bit of a heavyweight in this arena. Sadly. If we’re in-realm rules, I have a /very/ good chance of kicking his ass. Give me a 10 to win, although I might not survive either. Probably would. If he’s like /film/ loadout? I give me more like a 6. It would be a battle, but I have a lot of knowledge and determination. Also I’m taller than him and bigger and could break his arms.

Amanda. Easy fam, that’s a 10. No, 11. Injured recently drugged Eric Matthews almost kicked her ass while toting a smashed foot. She’s like, 5 foot 1 and 30 pounds underweight. It’s not gonna be hard at all.

Kenneth I give me a 10 too. Easy fam. Even if he gets realm rules where he’s not tripping balls on his own drugs, I know what he’s got. I’ve got better weapons, I’m young, fast, strong, and smarter. I hold my breath, and run him through. Quick jabs from a dagger, take him down. Use my agility. He was never a fighter anyway—he used drugs to prey on people who couldn’t fight back. You know what? Give me another 11.

Rin? Uhhhh, I know as much as about anyone how to deal with her, but my odds of succeeding /before/ she killed me are...not great. And if we fought, there’s no way I have the ability to kill an Onryo. I put using my supernatural beings knowledge to hold her back long enough to stop her in the realm of improbably, but potentially doable, and give myself a 2.7. This is not to kill her though. Just to make her stop killing me. I have no way near the power or spiritual knowledge needed to kill something like that.

Legion I’d not really want to kill. They’re all teenagers or baby 20 year olds. I don’t want to wail fatally on kids, even ones who suck. That said, I think I could take them in a fight. If it was four and I got to fight them one at a time, easiest, four in one body back to back is medium, four at once is hard. First two options I could potentially fight to not kill. Third option only choice would be do everything I can to even /maybe/ have a shot. I have less experience stabbing people, but I’m more ready to take pain, and more motivated, so I give myself a 6, 5, and 3.5 to those scenarios respectively. I would be badly wounded regardless.

Adiris I don’t have healthy enough fear of dying of bubonic plague, and that would give me an edge. I think I have a good sword and shield combo to deal with the mace. She’s tall, but I have her beat in strength and stamina as well as agility bc she’s emaciated and dying. I would not want to kill her though. Might try to talk to her in my fucked Akkadian. Try to incapacitate if that failed. I give me a solid 8 if she’s treating this like a 9 to 5 or distracted by me, give me a 4 if she wants me /dead/. Either way, I probably have to run to the CDC and pray I survive scarred after.

Danny is just some sneaky dick with a knife. He doesn’t even know how to get stabbed. Slightly harder than a few other knife fighters bc he wears so much damn leather, but the eyes and mouth of that mask are vulnerable, and I feel sure I can drive a knife into them before sustaining any kind of fatal wound. He doesn’t have much edge on me in any area, I have him well beat in conviction, and I’m smarter than him by quite a bit. I give me a 9.

Uhhh, Demo isn’t that hard, and I love fire. Probably gonna get a little hurt, but I’m not worried about this one. Easy 10.

Kazan is interesting. He has me beat in size and strength, but his weapon is unwieldy and slow. I have quick weapons and am more agile, and I���m ready to fight dirty to save myself. 7 probably. It’s a luck thing. I have the edge, but if he really lands a hit on me even once, it’s all over. So. Not the /best/ of odds. Maybe a 6.8, actually.

You said no guns but I assume Caleb still gets his. He only gets one shot before being vulnerable though, and he’s much older than me. I’m faster and more agile, and stronger. He’s got really good endurance too though so I don’t have the edge there. It’s gonna be kind of a game of chicken to see who blinks. If he misses his one shot, I win. If he gets the shot, he wins. However, I think my odds of baiting the shot and getting my opening are decent. I give me a solid 7 here.

I still don’t even know which Pyramid Head he /is/. Why does any version exist here and want to kill me, can he smell, can I use that, can electricity hurt him, can he use my guilt against me? There are so many unknowns for both of us, I give us both a 5.

Talbot is an easy 10 unless he gets the jump on you. But you said no planning, so no surprise attacks, so I give me a 10. His body is literally falling apart, and all the blight serum in the world can’t save him from me forever. I have a bunch of tools at my disposal, and he’s fast, but he’s not accurate. Edge, me.

Victor and Charlotte. Interesting one here. Don’t want to kill them either, but I would to save myself I guess if I couldn’t stop them. Not scared of Victor. I bite too, and I go for the throat. Charlotte is more of a problem. Finally it’s a tall killer with a short range weapon though, so edge: me, in weapons. I think I have decent odds of beating them, but I would not get out unscathed. Give me a 7.5.

Jo-Woon. Depends wildly. He throws tiny knives that do too little damage. If he takes me seriously as a threat and tries to go for the throat before I can get close, edge: him, and I’m in for a really rough fight even with a shield. If he wants to fuck around with me though, I’ll win. Because I am prepared to suffer immensely to get a kill shot. If he was smart, I’d give the fight a 6, but I feel extremely confident he’d be cocky, so I give me a 9 to survive, a 10 to at worst get a simultaneous K.O.

#ask #anonymous #dead by daylight

[kingsofneon]

Kink ask--omorashi/piss kinks? (No specific characters or ships in mind, but if you have hcs about it, you'd have my full attention.)

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

okay, look, okay. LOOK. okay. im. very specific abt this one. because A LOT butts right up against me being like Yo that’s Unsanitary. But. I really like this one really specific part of it in like a REALLY INTENSE WAY

just.

like.

the aspect of humiliation in really needing to go and being told not to, squirming as they try and be good or hold themselves back because it feels good to be fucked full while already needy, wanting to concentrate on. being fucked but also so desperate that they can’t concentrate?

and then the relief of being able to go, to let go as asked, the satisfaction of release OR. the humiliation of not being able. to hold it. being debased for making a mess.

eeeeverything else I’m kinda eh/iffy on but. that. gets to me.

(i have headcanons but they’re going under a readmore kdjdj bc otherwise im just gonna have to DIE :) )

mainly i think sabo is into it. smacks itself right into his humiliation kink and he went Oh No and that was it, as soon as he realised it was a kink he couldnt stop thinking about the fact that he often feels really good if he consciously holds back the urge.

he used to get distracted and not pee but then like. after finding out it was an actual kink he pays More Attention to when he has to pee like ‘ i cannot be into this’

but no shocker he is

anyway, scenario of ace/mar finding out is probs smth like, sabo distracting himself on purpose because he does have to get this stuff done but it’s pretty lowkey?

and he doesnt realise koala Knows they have free time and has called his bfs for a surprise (we can say it’s near his birthday so she’s decided she can be nice. as a treat.)

so he’s a little needing-it, but not super there, just an edge at the back of his mind, when ace comes in and puts his hands over sabo’s eyes and is like guess who~

“there’s two guesses, by the way, yoi”

and sabo is like oh!

ofc he first has to tamp down the urge to slam his elbow into ace’s stomach, bc he thought she was koala at first, and he’s trying to say like,  Do Not Sneak Up on him, but thgen he’s like wait it’s my boyfriend being cute. we will allow it....

and he gets to turn around and ace still has his hands over sabo’s eyes and gives him a kiss and he’s like. trying not to smile because. he loves them. and it’s really nice to be surprised like this. Normally he has to go visit them instead, they don’t often get to see him.

a Moment of makeouts and soft grinding and physical affection and then Ace is like you should show us around the base!!

and sabo’s like I could show you my bedroom? (eyes emoji)

but Marco just grins at him and he’s like “nahhh, we have time for that later.”

Sabo wants to groan at his cheese but he’s also like okay Fine, dork. Because. he does just like spending time with them and he wasnt super riled up

but.

it does mean

he totally forgot that he needed to piss

it isn’t until an hour later that it suddenly comes back with a vengeance, and sabo’s like ah shit. I had like a fuckton of water. And they’re. hmmm. maybe half-way on a hike or smth? sabo is showing them the revo dock. bc normally the two of them fly in lmao (makes it easier to hide their connection, if Marco flies them both in)

and also the dock is pretty and leads into a beach and it’s disguised as a abandoned fishing town/tourist trap, so he thought they’d like it.

and they do, if the fact that Ace hasn’t stopped grinning, is anything to go by. he just. also. needs to pee. and ace’s smile needs to stop distracting him.

but ace keeps dragging him around and he doesn’t want to say anything, so he’s like nah! it’s gonna be totally fine! We can stop for some food or snacks and I’ll just have a moment to myself then.

but also he’s trying not to get a little turned on. aching to go, and also, thinking about how humiliating it’d be, for his boyfriends to see him hard when they’re just hanging out for kicks, or how nice but confused they’d be, if Sabo accidentally-

and he stops the thought RIGHT THERE because he absoLUTELY cannot live if he thinks about that, and indulges that fantasy, and then Marco places the back of his hand against sabo’s forehead and he’s like huh??

“You look really flushed, Sabo,” Marco says, frowning at him. And it’s an Actual Frown, not a teasing frown. “I think you’re getting sunburnt.”

Sabo spluttering a protest but then Ace drags him into the shade of some rocks and. well. it does actually feel a lot better in the shade, but now that he’s stopped he just. can’t distract himself. pressing his thighs together but trying to look natural, Marco and Ace just chatting and it is Totally Normal he absolutely isn’t desperate to pee, feeling it throb and-

oh shit, oh fuck, that was definitely a leek, Sabo can feel it, the sudden release of tension rocketing through him, feeling so good, and he gives a tiny, sharp little gasp and bites his lip and Marco / Ace are like "Sabo? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” and they’re just touching him, Ace trying to pick away at his coat to see if he’s injured, Marco feeling for a temperature and then at his neck for a pulse, and Sabo’s skin is singing at their touch, at their care, the lingering trace of their fingertips, and he grabs Marco’s laps and grits his teeth and he’s like

“Look, I just really need to pee.”    

“Then....just go?” Ace suggests, looking at him with a confused frown, and oh god Sabo’s now just imagining if Ace actually meant it the way Sabo’s brain suddenly leapt to, for Sabo to just go, piss staining his crotch and trickling down his leg to pool on the sand, and Sabo can just imagine how good it would feel if he-

“Oh,” says Marco, cupping his cheek. Sabo will not look at them, but he can absolutely feel how red-hot his cheeks get under Marco’s touch, under the weight of that tone.

“You don’t wanna go, do you, Sabo?” he says carefully, and Ace makes an even more confused sounding huh? next to them. “You just like- feeling like you have to. Is that right?”

“Shut upppp,” Sabo hisses, and Ace is like, computing next to him, and Sabo is so so so embarrassed and so fucking turned on that he’s hard as shit and they haven’t even touched him

wow! great! at least he can’t pee with his dick hard as fuck! but also!

he needs to spontaneously combust in embarrassment

“Oh it’s a kink!” goes Ace, and his eyes dart so fucking obviously to Sabo’s dick and Sabo kinda wants to cover himself but that’s an even more obvious move than Ace seeing his stupid erection and Why is this his Life

Except. Ace is kissing his cheek. And pressing himself against Sabo and sneaking his hand into Sabo’s pants, and Marco is backing him up against the wall. and he’s got a knee between Sabo’s legs for Sabo to grind on.

“Wha-?” he says, knowing now he’s the one who sounds like a confused idiot, and Marco just cocks his head and looks at him

“It is a kink, right? You like this?”

“I- I mean- I don’t-” and both of them are paused & staring at him and his cheeks are aflame as he manages a jagged nod, and then Marco gives him a quick kiss and when he pulls back Ace is just like

“Well if you like it then we can try it out.” and he shrugs like it’s fucking simple, like Sabo hasn’t been super embarrassed this entire time and it settles in him (they love you) and then Marco’s hand reaches out and he fucking presses on Sabo’s bladder and Sabo gasps, needy and pained, yanking Marco’s shirt as he tries to close his legs further, tries to stop that ache, feeling himself shudder. And ace just grins and is like, “I mean, it is pretty hot seeing you squirm like this.”

👌 👌 👌 

and then they make out with him, hot and heavy, and when they finally jerk him off, his pants still around his hips and dick out, Marco then just presses on his bladder again and tells him not to pee but it’s too fucking late and Sabo sobs in relief at being able to piss.

So fucking humiliated at Ace & Marco watching him, loose and boneless from his orgasm, but also. they’re watching, watching him make a mess, watching him piss on the sand because he couldn’t hold it back any longer, and he can feel himself getting turned on again as the relief mixes with that preening sense of humiliation and exhibitionism.  ️

anyway 4 basic headcanons i kinda think Marco doesn’t really get it/isnt interested in trying it but he likes seeing Sabo desperate. He’s already very good at knowing what will humiliate sabo, this is just another tool in his arsenal, one that used by itself is more than enough to get sabo worked up and crying. he likes. seeing sabo cry.

ace has tried it a couple of times and sorta sees where Sabo’s coming from? but he likes being told he’s a good boy for holding it, for drinking when he’s told, he likes the control aspects more than the humiliation aspects, and sabo likes wetting himself and being mocked but ace is always ): when he “fails”.

AND THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS AND NOW I NEED TO GO DIE, BYE :)

#hergan416 #asks #omo #kink talk #piss kink #answered asks #THIS ONE. embaresses me thank you #monster fuck? yeah no WORRIES man #most everyone i know is into monsterfucking #THIS? #yeah **not so much** lMAO #it is Very hard to find fics i like for this kink tho #bc when i say im specific i. mean it kdjkdj #basically a lot of the common tropes of it im super nope on #like i will read them to get the stuff **I** like out of this?? #but. its the humilation part of it. that absoLUTELY gets me going #kdjdkj starting off the asks strong! woo. lmao

[alicanta77]

plewse rant time bc i don’t talk about this i’m gonna explode and who better to rant to than my favourite blog ❣️ SO there’s this guy that i know from a while back, (we “dated” when i was 15 and he 16, i’m now 19 and he’s 20)..i consider him more of an ‘old love’ than a literal ex boyfriend because even at the naive age of 15, i felt really strongly for that boy and i know he felt strongly for me as well,,things just didn’t work out for us and we ended whatever we had and we moved on with our lives. while i can’t say it was a relationship, because we were so young, there definitely was a lot of “love”. 4 years later i see him again at his older sisters wedding (this year), she was marrying a family friend of ours and BOY wouldn’t stop staring at me 😩 and i LOOKED hELLa good too 😌 just putting it out there 💅🏻 BUT anyways we made eye contact, smiled at each other, and i was in complete awe at how FINE he turned out to be..deadass i was like 👀 i haven’t seen him in 4 years and he just stood out amongst everyone else and i honestly couldn’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like if we had just stuck it out and stayed together despite how young we were. he’s very much a “traditional” type of guy, very mature for his age and not some tosser that no one takes seriously - and i’m a smart, mature girl myself..i feel like if we truly wanted to, we could’ve made it work but at the time it seemed like the best idea. it wasn’t the dumb kind of love that you outgrow, it stuck with me throughout those 4 years. i’ve met other guys and had relationships after him, relationships that lasted longer than he and i ever did, but the feelings were completely unmatched. i’ve always felt more strongly with him, i’ve always found myself comparing him to the other guys (more in the respect of “is this how *he* would’ve treated me? sort of thing) and i could never really figure out why. over the years i tried convincing myself that it didn’t mean anything, what we had. that it really was just dumb teenage love, but my mind always wandered back to him and the connection we had that was very much over, but felt unfinished. i remained curious about him, and i still am. we saw each other after so many years at that wedding, and we could both see we had grown into beautiful people (don’t mean to toot my own horn LOL) he sat at a table with his family and never left their side, i would see him playing with his baby cousins and he would watch me as i fed my little nieces lmaooo i would get up and dance, and my sister would later tell me that he couldn’t take his eyes off me. it felt as though we were both so curious about each other, who we turned out to be after so many years. and it was endearing to see that not much had changed at all. still the same, kind souls we knew when we were 15. we didn’t talk to each other at all, but the stares alone said enough. MOVING ON, and to make a long story short, me and his younger sister met at a big bbq about 3 weeks ago (he wasn’t there for some reason lol) and we became friends really quickly. we’ve been talking ever since, and i’m not sure at all if she knows the history between me and her brother. i’m kind of scared of her finding out because i don’t want her thinking i’m befriending her because of her brother, it’s really not that at all..i like making new friends and she’s probably one of the most sweetest people i know. but i feel a little conflicted and torn, because she’s talked about inviting me over to her house where i KNOW he’ll be there and SHITS gonna be awkward and i just feel so UGHHH and i’m so sorry that this is long but this has been weighing on me and it’s making my anxiety kind go 📈

oh bubs i'm so sorry that this is setting off your anxiety!!! thank you for trusting me enough to come and talk to me about it

i think it's always difficult with a first love because there's a part of you that struggles to let them go because of the feeling you had when you were with them. that first feeling of being in love is the kind that people never forget because it's completely new and consuming and the kind of feeling that you crave again. it's also harder because sometimes it reminds you of the person you used to be when you were with them, and when you grow up and move away from that person (and the person you thought you'd be by now) it gets harder to let that go

also real quick... you caught his attention!!! damn good for you girl i'm sure you looked AMAZING <3333 you can literally get whiplash when you see someone for the first time in a few years, especially when they really grow and that really does happen in the years 16-20

the issue with wondering if you would have made it if you stuck it out is, would the two of you have been able to grow into the mature people you are now if you had been together? sometimes its harder to grow with someone by your side because you're both clinging to the memories of how you used to be and change can be dangerous, especially when you're young. so it can be really hard to grow as an individual and a couple too

i also don't think you need to invalidate what the two of you had to help yourself move on. maybe it's the fact that you didn't really get closure and now that you've seen him again there's a part of you that longs for the feeling that he gave you. i think it is normal to compare your relationships to previous ones, especially the "what ifs" (i'm guilty of doing this too) you said yourself that it wasn't some dumb kind of love so you don't need to pretend. i think you can appreciate what it was and how much it meant to you. you don't have to lose everything that made that relationship special and meaningful in order for you to move on. in fact i don't think it's very healthy to do that because you'd be rewriting the past

since you both couldn't take your eyes off each other, it seems to me that he's clearly interested in the person that you've turned out to be as well and it's sad that you didn't get to talk as it may have been nice to catch up a bit and see if it's easy to be around him

honestly, i think you can keep your friendship with the sister and your relationship (in whatever way that is) with him separate. you said that you didn't befriend her just to reach her brother and i don't think your history should affect that. it may be difficult if you go over to theirs and you're seeing him, but it also may help just for you to clear the air. that being said, i would tell the sister about your relationship with her brother (because it's better that it comes from you than him), and also make it crystal clear that she's your friend first and she wasn't some kind of gateway to her brother for you and if she's as sweet as you say then i'm sure she'll understand. but if she's aware of the situation she may be able to get the 411 on how he feels about seeing you again and relay those messages to you?

things may be awkward, but also they may not be? like you never know you may just fall back into talking to him like barely any time has passed. and if the worst-case scenario is it being awkward then i think that it'll be okay, because you can just not spend time with him and chill with the sister if you'd rather. but i wouldn't let your fear of seeing him interfere with your friendship. if you're going to be friends with her, you're most likely going to see him at some point and maybe it's better to get it over with sooner and figure out where you stand with him?

#asks #anon #advice with felix #i hope things turn out okay bubs #do let me know and keep me updated lovely <333 #im thinking of you <33

[s-nh]

Idk where I’m gonna go with this but I’m 25 years old and I’m so upset at myself.

I was in a toxic relationship from 17-24 and this person was 4 years older than me. He was caring and thoughtful at times and made me laugh a lot but he was also so cruel and narcissistic, and overall so disrespectful.

I shared my goals and dreams with him and he made me believe they were stupid. As our years together went by I stupidly revolved my time around him. I’d see him 4/5 days a week and spent my entire days with him. Not saying they weren’t enjoyable moments despite the fact that 75% times were spent arguing and not getting along, but as time progressed I started to think to myself,

“I get ready to see him and I come over to his house to lay around in his room all day watching him play video games, smoke and drink and eat.” Things I could easily do at home. I wouldn’t have had a problem If all that time wasn’t spent basically and pretty much doing absolutely nothing.

I was 23, and something in me was starting to die and that was my patience. He was 26. He worked part time at a food establishment, was still smoking and drinking and playing video games. That’s fine. But what else?? Like what else are you doing.

24 I gave up. The verbal and emotional and mental and almost physical abuse was enough. His will of wanting to improve wasn’t there.

I had one more dream left in me that I wanted to accomplish and when he shamed me for it. I reached my peak.

I left.

I felt free and I never knew I had this giant weight on my shoulders until a week went by and started focusing on myself.

I always had this feeling inside me that I gave my genuine love to the wrong person. I wanted to love. I wanted to have someone I could give that love to. But not just anyone. Someone who would reciprocate it back.

I dated someone shortly after and was hit with that “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. Was I hurt. A little. But I didn’t let it beat me up.

Then this other guy comes into my life and he was so talented, so sweet, so handsome, I was just in such awe by him and All I wanted was to be around him. But he was busy and was “only able” to have me come over passed midnight.

One morning when we both woke up we went out for breakfast and he asked me “so what are your plans after quarantine?”

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah, like what are your moves?”

Then I realized I was over here judging my ex for not progressing while I was doing the exact same thing at the moment. Not really doing anything.

I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to keep taking these classes that had to do with this dream I have but I didn’t want to tell him. I believe in that superstition of “never tell someone what you’re going to do bc if you end up not achieving it, then you were just all talk. Move in silence.”

I can’t remember what I replied with but I remember asking him “what about you?” And he immediately answered with all these tasks and places and work he was aiming on accomplishing and I just felt so mad at myself.

In a way I was glad I was mad bc it kinda gave me a push to just stop being a procrastinating bitch and start moving like I wanted to when I broke up with my ex.

This guy, I just wanted him. I wanted him to myself. I wanted him to keep inspiring me in silence. But unfortunately he didn’t feel the same way about me when I expressed my feelings for him after 5 months of “talking”. I mean I only slept over every weekend and had sex, and received phone calls from him daily but slowly I started to notice a change. That feeling you start getting where you know they’re not as interested anymore as how they used to be? That.

It almost felt like he was forcing himself to call me, seeing me, everything. And this was before I told him how I felt. But I still tried. I’d like to think he was trying too but it almost felt like it was a chore for him. One day he picked me up so we could get boba and as we sat down, he was showing me something on his phone and he handed it to me so I could look at what he was showing me. He received a text and almost immediately took his phone from me to see who the text was from.

It was his brother in law but the way he snatched his phone from a text he got made me recognize that familiar action that my ex would do when he was cheating on me and would take his phone like that from me when he’d receive a text.

I ignored it tho. Later come to find out he was talking to someone else the entire time we were a “thing” and now he’s happy with her.

That’s fine but I wish he would’ve been honest and not hit me with the same shit. “It’s not you, it’s me and I’m just so broken rn and you deserve someone that isn’t. And no there’s no one else.”

But there was.

An old coworker at my previous job was interested in me and he knew what I went through w my ex and these last two guys.

He pursued me and what not and there I go falling for the attention and words that meant nothing once the deed was done.

I’ve become so numb now to men. My walls are so high and another old coworker of mine told me,

“Leave your feelings at home and just have fun. They don’t take you seriously, then don’t put in the effort. Play the game natalie.” I thanked him for what I considered stupid advice but ended up taking it as a few other men started shooting their shot.

I’ve messed around but wouldn’t get caught up on falling for their lame ass efforts. And I say lame bc it was the bare minimum.

They aren’t bothered so why should I be.

After leaving my ex I just started to do what I never did in my late teens and early 20’s and that was going out and having fun.

I made friends along the way and I can’t tell you how much I secretly appreciate the moments of just going out and being around them and getting drunk and being stupid.

But then it’s also a problem bc I should be focusing on getting my shit together and having fun later.

But I crave getting away from my house and just enjoying my time and forgetting about responsibilities and worries and stress from home.

This new guy came into my life and I remember telling him when we first hung out “I’m not interested in anything rn. I don’t want a relationship.”

But he goes out of his way in wanting to spend time with me even though he’s busy himself being a high school teacher, an architect, painter, doing branding for companies, and so much more.

He takes me out, expresses his interest in me, listens, treats me well but I’m stupid enough to not feel a single drop of mutual interest like he does.

I feel nothing.

And then I also feel bad bc I’m wasting his time. I’d love to be his friend but I know he would erase me from his life to get rid of the hurt that I know I’ll cause.

But it’s not fair to him. And not right of me.

Like he knows what I said that day of not wanting anything but it’s like he’s been trying to see if I’ll change my mind.

Myself from a year ago would love and appreciate the fact that I finally found someone who could reciprocate what I’ve been trying to give but my present self now doesn’t feel that same attraction.

Idk I’m everywhere with this whole rant but idk what do.

I can’t with myself 90% of the time.

I need to get it together. Time keeps passing by day by day. Second by second. There’s no going back.

He’s offering me jobs and amazing opportunities but how fucked would I look and be if I accept knowing he’s only doing it bc he likes me and I don’t feel the same.

I’d deny bc of it even though I want to say yes.

I don’t know.

#personal #me #fml