#and I mainly mean the writers when I say this. As I fully realise an animator or somwone like that is just doing their job

[normalest-of-knees]

That.... was an episode. Technically.

Volume 9 Episode 9 discussion below the cut

Tw: mentions and discussions of suicide and how the show and characters were framing it

I may make another post or rb this to discuss the rest of the episode, but this mainly deals with the whole Tea thing

I'm-- I just-- what in the whole entire fuck was that?? Yes I saw somewhere it's supposed to be like a part 1 or 2 but.... Jeepers crappers, man.

So not only does WBY&J not react at all to what happened to Ruby last episode, tea or otherwise, but they just kinda run off, stop and... be sad??

They talk about how shit happens sometimes, then the crystal people show up and it's suddenly hugs and smiles??? Guys?!?!

Yang only reacts to Ruby being gone after she finds the wooden cocoon thing, and even then the others are quick to "It's not that bad. It's what she wanted." Like they haven't been ignoring/not noticing Ruby's severe depression and state of mind for the past few days now and that she didn't just barely blow up at them.

And something I want to address, is the show writers, and characters, and everything framed in the last episode made it quite clear that the tea was suicide. I saw a few takes saying "the tea clearly wasn't supposed to be about suicide. They wouldn't kill her off" etc. Etc.

And I want to say, no. Just, no.

The suicide thing fucking sucks, yes. But the show last episode and this one made it clear that Ruby drinking the tea was her choosing to commit suicide.

Do I think that this should've happened at all? Fuck no. This company has no goddamn clue how to write and talk about sensitive topics such as this, and they need to stop immediately.

But I cannot wrap my head around how anyone could've looked at what happened last episode and think: its just healing tea!

The show has done a terrible job of using an "unreliable narrator" or other such to convey information to the audience.

Ascension is like death, but not, but is! Jaune said its bad, but the Stars say it's good! The Cat said it's normal, but the girls think it's wrong or unnatural. The Stars dying is ok! Then it's even better than ok, because they're "better" now! Herb is new and better! Ruby will be... ?

The show doesn't properly or clearly make any information given to us make sense, and even with the knowledge that the Cat is supposed to be bad, we still don't actually know what's ok and what isn't when we look back.

Yes, Ruby is clearly going to be ok from what we saw this episode. But she still very clearly was not ok mentally, and was actually literally pushed towards taking her own life.

She said "I just don't want to be me, anymore." And then drank the tea, knowing at the very least, that she'd be remade and lose her memories, at best. At worst, it would outright kill her.

Even Neo, who likely knew less about Ascension than the rest of them, still was framing it to Ruby as suicide.

Then, when Ruby did it, Neo was distraught. Regardless of what happens to Ruby next, she's gone. And Neo now has nothing. To Neo, one way or another, Ruby is dead.

But that's the thing.

Regardless of what happens to Ruby, she viewed it as dying or not being herself anymore.

Doesn't matter if the audience knows better or thinks they know better. CRWBY, the show, the characters, everything, framed this as Ruby Rose taking her own life.

And what happens immediately after such a thing? Her friends and family run back to safety, in which I assume they're trying to head for the tree perhaps, and then they just stop and Jaune is sad.

Not even Yang or Weiss or Blake seem to really have a reaction, only until after they hug it out and see Ruby encased in wood at the tree. Suddenly it's real now. Suddenly it's different. And Yang does have a good reaction! She's panicked, crying, angry, desperate. That's her sister in there! Dunno where this reaction was before but ok, at least we got there!

But the others are quick to tell her that it's not that bad and it's up to Ruby now. Which, if they had conveyed Ascension to us in any other way, could be fun and interesting! But because it's this world's closest equivalent to death that we as an audience and the characters can compare it to, it makes it seem like suicide is a good thing.

Like it's just a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

No matter what happens next episode, and what becomes of Ruby, the framing was still that for her and the Paper Stars, suicide is good and gives you the power up/strength you need, and your loved ones just have to accept that and move on.

And that's disgusting.

#rwde #Knees Talkin #This show is made by disgusting twisted people #and I mainly mean the writers when I say this. As I fully realise an animator or somwone like that is just doing their job #but the actual people writing this insensitive nonsense and thinking its great need to be struck across the head #good god dont even with the Jaune centric bs too #'Oh no! Ruby just ascended herself! Anyways-' #with no idea what it truely means or how it works. that should make them even more scared and distraught over what happened #this is probably even worse for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide #because of course you want to believe that they're in a better place #but to have media like this make light of such an incredibly dark topic is so terribly gross #they literally could've framed this fantasy phenomenon in any other way. but they chose this #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw: suicide mention

[fun-k-board]

Hey, could I request Bi Han/Sub Zero romantic headcannons with a male reader who is his right hand man and childhood friend?

Bi-Han / Sub-Zero with a boyfriend who's his childhood friend

Note(s) : I'm gonna be honest, I don't really like him, but I want to try and be a better writer by writing about characters I don't like. Please, give me critiques on how I wrote him!

First of all, he was incredibly moody as a child already, not exactly of his own volition having a dad like his would ruin any kid, so if you can't handle people who are mean on purpose? You'd have a REALLY hard time getting along with him.

Bi-Han was always brooding, in the corner with a frown, he eats with a frown, sleeps frowning, talks to his brother's frowning, the only time he's ever smiling is either in private or when it's just him and Kuai Liang, but it doesn't happen that often any more after his dad died.

To befriend him, you'd either need to be a part of the Lin Kuei, either born into the clan, maybe the son of one of the lower Lin Kuei members, or found and taken in by the clan, or somehow be involved with one of the Lin Kuei's missions.

It's a long and slow process, but even just talking to him once a day will eventually gain a semblance of trust, it'll be hard to show it, and he mostly does by standing next to you and sometimes agreeing with you, but these things will take time.

By your teenage years, you two began training together, maybe he tends to be a little rougher than other Lin Kuei, and maybe he's broken your nose once, twice, possibly even thrice before, but he did apologise, eventually.

He would confide in you about troubles with his brothers, well, he insists that Smoke isn't a brother and more like a stray even though that's just not true, but Bi-Han would be awkward and reserved about talking with you.

He feels that this isn't your business, and not only that, he feels like you just... Wouldn't get it? While he understands you may have issues of your own, his situation is rather unique.

His troubles mainly consist of Kuai Liang and Tomas upholding tradition, Bi-Han believes that his brothers view tradition higher than him, and even though he's grandmaster, that they don't take his opinions into account.

Of course, this is ludicrous, his brothers follow his every word and typically offer little resistance, though, if you try to tell him that he will just storm off and claim he was right all along and that you don't understand. He'll eventually come to his senses and realise what you said was true, but, won't apologise.

If you agree with him, or at least say you do, he'll murmur a gruff complaint about his brother's and then you'll sit in silence for a while.

By the time MK1 rolls around, he's fairly jaded, he doesn't like talking to his own brothers, he dislikes them a fair amount actually, but he still loves them, or, at least he holds love in his heart for Kuai, he still hates Smoke.

Bi-Han doesn't know exactly what he feels for you, he knows it's not friendship, but at the same time, he's never really had friends before, so, he can't be sure. All he understands is that he values you, and more importantly, your opinion, if you disagree with him it may hurt his pride, but please, stay firm, he comes around eventually, only with you.

He wants to wait for something, that maybe proves you may love him, because when that rolls around, he can fully decide whether to act on his emotions or not.

You most likely accompany the trio to stop Shang Tsung, and you'll most likely be there when Bi-Han betrays the Lin Kuei. Obviously, you choose to stay with him, and, it breaks Smoke and Scorpions heart, they may not have known you too well, but, they knew you were one of the only things that would stop him from going down that path.

In a way, you both failed them that day.

Now, after proving your loyalty to him, you're basically his right hand man and oversee a lot of the clan, you train young and old recruits, you maintain a harsh schedule everybody is expected to follow, you help Bi-Han with whatever he needs, and sometimes need to force him to take a day off.

By the way, he won't let you say his actual name, you always have to either call him Sub-Zero or Grandmaster, depending on if you're on a mission or not, his name is personal to him, a core part of his identity, and, until you're closer, he feels awkward letting you call him Bi-Han.

During this, he becomes even more angry, even more distant, even with you, and it may take pushing, reminding him of your childhood spent together, for him to crack.

He won't come crying into your arms, he doesn't beg for forgiveness or want any, he just sits there, and begins to rant. He rants about how he feels like, if he was a better grandmaster, his brothers would have joined him, if he was a better grandmaster, maybe he wouldn't have joined Shang Tsung, and wouldn't have been tempted by his lies.

You hold a hand to his shoulder, and you confess, you tell him what you think about him, how you feel about his temptation into evil by Shang Tsung, and even though he doesn't want forgiveness, you give it.

And, with permission, you hold his hand. It's a small step, but, it's the most contact you two will have together for a long time.

Now, he gives you small smiles in private, nothing wide, but something so tiny it's hard to differentiate from not having an expression at all, he gives you some time off, more than he gives himself, anyway, and more importantly? He feels himself relaxed around you.

Telling a joke that would once make him scoff and walk away now makes him let out a gruff and amused noise, it's a mix between a laugh and breath of air, and he only does it for you.

Dinners with him are less awkward, when before you would sit in silence, hesitantly taking bites from food. You two now chat quietly about your day, each recruit, and sometimes about each other. You can actually enjoy the food and his presence.

He lets you call him Bi-Han now, not in public, but, when you two are alone, in a hallway, in your rooms, having dinner or breakfast privately, whichever situation calls for you two to be alone, he lets you call him by his name, and, it makes him feel vulnerable. It makes him feel loved.

He's always held your opinion in high regard, but now, it's honestly the only one that matters besides his own, and he does, silently, hope you aren't so tempted by power like he is.

Bi-Han may take longer to kiss or cuddle you than what most would consider normal, he loves you, he knows he does now, but, he's nervous, no, he's afraid. He knows he's a rough man, and he knows how uncaring and even violent he is and can come across as, so, naturally, he tries to avoid the subject. He doesn't want to do anything without your consent, but he's also far too afraid to ask.

It will take you to ask him, you'll need to make the first move, and when you do ask him for that first kiss, he gives you that small, hardly noticeable smile, and you both lean in, closing your eyes...

It's awkward. Maybe you know how to kiss, maybe you don't, but Bi-Han definitely doesn't, and, it shows. He feels slightly embarrassed at how lost he is, but, you two can learn together, and even just telling him, hey, maybe it wasn't the best, but, we can learn together, lifts his spirits an unnatural degree.

For the next week, the schedules become less strict for most Lin Kuei members, and any mess ups are met with less harsh, but still kind of harsh, punishments.

Kissing is basically ingrained into your schedule now, once in the morning on the cheek before breakfast, maybe once at lunch if it's a tough day, and always a peck on the lips at night before bed.

It takes less time to cuddle if you've already kissed before, sure, it still takes a bit long, but, so do most things with this man. Maybe it starts with holding his hand, or, sitting on his bed and talking about things, training gets hard sometimes, so perhaps you're just a bit tired.

You look up at him and quietly ask if you can just lay down for a while, or, maybe you just lay down yourself and wait for any objections, either way, he lets you lay down, and eventually, lays down next to you. Your hands hold each other tightly, your head is resting on his shoulder and it feels strangely perfect, despite how stiff his shoulders are.

This becomes semi natural in your schedule, but only after a long day, cuddling each other until you or him are on the brink of sleep, and then you return to your bed. You two still sleep in separate beds, that's just how he prefers things, no matter how much he trusts you, it's just more comfortable.

I'd recommend cuddling in summer, because, he's insanely cold and the winter is not at all suited for cuddle sessions between you two.

It takes a bit for you two to start calling each other 'boyfriend', not because Bi-Han doesn't consider you his lover, and therefore boyfriend, but because he sort of just assumes that kissing, cuddling, all of that, makes you together automatically, and, he doesn't like announcing his relationships.

It's not like he's embarrassed of you, he seriously isn't, but, you're the only person who sees the vulnerable side of him, and he prefers to keep it that way. None of the other Lin Kuei members, god forbid any one else, deserves to know your relationship with each other.

Dates are rare, extremely rare, you two have major responsibilities within the clan, and, Bi-Han doesn't trust anybody enough for them to run it while you two are away, so, the most date-like thing you'll experience is eating dinner together after every one has had theirs and left.

#bi han #bi han sub zero #bi han x reader #bi han x male reader #mortal kombat x reader #mortal kombat x male reader #mk1 bi han #mk1 sub zero #mk1 subzero #mk1 x male reader #mk1 x reader #mortal kombat 1 #mortal kombat 1 x male reader #sub zero x reader #sub zero x male reader #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mk1 #mk sub zero #mk bi han #mk #mortal kombat headcanons #mk1 headcanons #mortal kombat 1 headcanons #sub zero headcanons #bi han headcanons

[sciderman]

Reading the first few issues by Lee and Ditko and it's so interesting seeing that Peters main reason for being Spider-Man isn't wanting to be a hero and help people/stop badguys but earning money to support May, so when he gets into a supervillian fight it's either a coincidence that happened while he tried making money from them (taking pictures of them mainly) or getting caught up in their shit and either being nosey (Thinkerer) or being tricked by them (Chameleon) and it suddenly becomes a "vendetta" thing because either he was duped or spited by them. Whitch along with him being a self-isolating and kinda egoistical prick is such an interesting look at this "selfless symbol of heroism and responsibility" and i wish we got more of that in modern version of teen Peter.

honestly!!! really - it was kind of such a realisation when i went back into the spider-man comics to find out that "great power great responsibility" really honestly wasn't actually peter parker's driving motivation when starting, but actually something that he learns over years upon years – and even then, it really still isn't why he does it. he does it because that's how he gets his kicks.

and so now when i see peter kind of reduced to the "great power great responsibility" mindset, i feel like it's kind of a gross simplification of him - which is crazy, because i was kind of guilty of it, too.

i don't think peter even really fully understands "great power great responsibility" to this day. it's something he's still faced with, and something he still questions, every day.

i don't think any writer who reiterates those words even knows what it means. i've seen it written in so many contexts in the comics and other adaptations and audibly whispered under my breath "thhaat's not what it fucking meeeeeans....."

turns out! responsibility means a whole plethora of things, actually - and spider-man is often a way for peter to dodge his responsibilities as peter parker.

not only that, but uncle ben never actually says the words "great power great responsibility" to peter parker. it's just a narrative thing. he never says the words!!!!!! ! !! ! !

peter parker doesn't learn that lesson from uncle ben. and really, peter's entire reckoning with responsibility isn't that he owes the world his gifts as spider-man, but actually he has to take on new responsibilities after uncle ben's death - he has to support aunt may.

he has to support gwen, after captain stacy's death.

peter's whole "great responsibility" thing is about him struggling to keep up with all these very masculine roles and responsibilities being imposed upon him as he grows into a man. it's not actually a question of him owing the world his powers as spider-man - that's just a misunderstanding of the lesson that he's kind of buried himself into. he thinks it means he owes the world everything - and that's kind of what leads him to fail the people that he really should hold responsibility to.

it's so fun. it's so complicated. he throws all his responsibilities into his identity as spider-man, and acts in avoidance of his responsibilities as peter parker. sorry. i think about this a lot. i think about this a lot.

great power and great responsibility is such an interesting set of words that absolutely everyone has a different interpretation of. and some people reiterate it like it's meant to mean something, but it doesn't when they say it. like it's a set of words meant to be paired with spider-man but they kind of fall hollow when the person writing them actually doesn't think about the meaning of it. it's kind of almost lost all of it's meaning at this point.

#sci speaks #i love thinking about him (peter parker) #sci talks comics

[where-dreams-dwell]

It’s not a fully fleshed out thought but I’ve grasped it now and so here’s what I’ve got dangling…

It’s so interesting to me that of the many issues and annoyances I have with Rory’s character her decisions around Yale are so tied to men.

Though the show we have a general sense that Rory (and by extension Loralai who raised her) have a distain or disappointment when women make choices due to men. Mainly when these choices are not mainly or solely things that a woman wants, and take another persons (usually a man’s) wants into account we see Rory scoff or roll her eyes or frown intensely and question it. When someone else makes a decision due to a man they want to like them or respect them, Rory seems to like and respect them less (at least in that moment).

But when a man, one who’s good opinion and respect SHE wants, says something hard and hurtful Rory abandons everything she (and by extension he mother) have worked for since she was a child. At the very least she gives up the main goal that’s dominated the last 3 years of her life. A man doesn’t think she’s good enough, so she gives up trying.

And though everyone tries to understand and support her, to change her mind and make her want to go back to Yale and to reignite her goals for her future, it is once again a man (who Rory wants to respect her and have a good opinion of her) who says a hard and hurtful thing which makes her go back to Yale.

And in the middle of all of that it’s another man (her grandfather) who has so much influence on her ‘choices’. Firstly in his support of her leaving, and in his 180 in the face of the reality of her life Rory’s grandfathers support plays a huge role in her confidence in her decisions and path.

I just find it fascinating that the writers chose to remove so much of Rory’s agency in these ‘choices’. They don’t write that Rory struggles at college, having reached the pinnacle she was working for and realising it isn’t as fulfilling as she had hoped; that she struggles (like she first did at Chiltern) now she is among other gifted people and she is once again less exceptional; that the courses she takes feel uninteresting and she languishes without drive or a purpose.

No they choose to write her story as a man says something mean and so she runs away.

And again, they don’t write her return to Yale as Rory being revitalised by her time away and once again motivated to aim higher; they don’t have her realise that she does thrive surrounded by other intellectuals and though it’s tough she CAN rise to the challenge like she did before; they don’t have her realise her dream career or degree is actually different than she thought so she goes back and changes major or her classes.

No once again, the writers have a man say something mean and so she runs away. Only this time she runs away back to where she was before.

So in the face of disappointment or dislike, at least from men she wants to like her, the only ‘choice’ Rory is allowed to make is to run.

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #women in media #loralei gilmore #choices #personal agency #women’s agency #gah the whole Yale storyline annoys me so much

[charmyesucks]

Thoughts on writing hiatus/rant

Hiii ive been gone for so long now

Thing is, I kinda stopped writing for a while

And that's the most terrifying thing for a writer, because YOU KNOW something is wrong, you can't really tell what it is though. And since you're not writing you're not really getting many hints or a kind of deep enough introspection.

At least, at the beginning nothing was wrong, I was just very invested in a new part of my life so I didn't really feel like writing often, and then I got too harsh to write again.

I got much more anxious and serious and reflective on life, I was so focused on the things in my head and reflecting that I closed myself off from reality in a way. I just focused on critiquing things around me, in a way that made them too heavy. It's true that many of the things around me aren't *perfectly* as they'd need to be for them to be fair, but focusing only on criticism without compassion and understanding fully is detrimental.

I have recently realised this tendency that I've had lately, for lately I mean at least 3 months and most definitely more, mainly because I've had time to reflect since I've been hospitalised but also because said hospitalisation made me spiral even further.

It's funny because when I realise I've been behaving this way, I feel this overwhelming shame and like I've just committed the worst crime, but I haven't I fear, I've just been human. And there's something very beautiful in that, I have phases like the world has seasons, like the moon too.

To be alive is to be constantly changing, and that is in ways that we might consider "negative" too. Accepting it is a crucial step towards getting better, getting softer, and being happier.

Also I've proven to myself that even if I get a little depressed and anxious at times the people around me still love me and are still here for me. My friends didn't leave, my partner didn't stop loving me, the sky didn't fall because my anxiety got the best of me. Accepting this is part of fighting my anxiety as well, or better hugging it so hard it's smothered.

Also social media has rotten my brain in ways, but I can't say that it's the phone's fault more than it is mine for consuming certain kinds of contents.

Anyways, I'm back I hope, writing has welcomed me in it's arms again, we shared a passionate kiss and made love again Wednesday morning and it felt like finally getting cured of a months-long disease, or like coming home after a long, cold, exhausting travel.

#no tags #im just ranting

[toukatan]

You read every gojohime fic???? That's amazing!!! What are your favourites?

hello anonie! i guess i can say i’ve read at least a good 80% of all the fics, at least. probably. most likely because the fic tag at the start of the year was tiny and now the community’s grown so much there’s almost 600 of them. that’s insane to me. like hello?

i have a lotta fics that come to mind, that i should honestly make a master post on because i love them all. so here are a few many that came to mind immediately as i typed this up.

gojohime fic recommendations!

multichapter

limitations by ohmytheon 

“Parenthood chooses you," her mother used to tell her, but Utahime never understood that saying more than the moment she realized she was pregnant with Gojo Satoru's child. They were never meant to be something serious - never meant to be more than they were - and yet they both suddenly find themselves in a world that doesn't care about their desires - and that brings them closer in a way that no one else can understand. It won't be easy and it won't be kind to either of them, but it appears as if the universe has other plans for them

no one is what they were before by ohmytheon 

The world broke when Gojo Satoru turned on jujutsu society. It's not the hopeful place it was before, but Utahime has never been one to give up. Until she's placed in a dangerous position directly in his path, and she finds herself trapped in a web that doesn't seem intent on ever letting her go.

and touch me like you never by ohmytheon 

In public, Gojo is a special grade bastard, especially to Utahime, and has been all their lives. He knows exactly what insults to throw and what buttons to push to drive her up a wall. In private, however, he's got quite a few other things to tell and show her, which only makes things more confusing. It would be easier if she could avoid him entirely, but for some reason, he won't let her go entirely.

gravity by aerfei

This is Utahime, fierce and indomitable, and this is Satoru, who despite holding the world’s regard, still craves something that Utahime has had all her life. Coming together is sometimes an act of desperation, and sometimes a deliberate choice. Or: An Iori Utahime character study, through the lens of her relationship with Gojo Satoru, starting from the beginning and ending at the Goodwill Event arc. Manga spoilers and (at least 95%) canon-compliant through (at least) chapter 135.

count every single leaf in autumn by florieneofthesea

“I told my family we’re dating.” Utahime’s hand hovers over the door. “What?!” (or: Gojo tells his family that he's dating Utahime to get them off his back, so of course they invite her to the dreaded family dinner™)

favourite colour by otherthingsonhold

At 28, Satoru Gojo's responsibilities only start to multiply. With his clan looking to him to lead the family, and the balance of the universe in his hands, Gojo isn't thinking of much else. But when his mother brings something to his attention, the only thing Gojo can do is follow through. But how is Utahime Iori part of all of this?

gojo catoru by ashittywriter

Utahime is tasked to catsit a suspiciously large Persian dollface cat with pristine white hair, the most boop-able nose, and to top it off the cutest cerulean eyes. Too bad the cat also happens to be her idiotic colleague Gojo Satoru.

at the tail-end of spring by florieneofthesea

Utahime doesn't expect to remember her ex's number off by heart but it comes in handy when she's a little less than sober outside a club in a city she's not familiar with and her battery on three percent. She just wishes things turned out differently for them. (Or, post-break up exploration where outer forces refuse to let them have their happy ending.)

a second chance by onewordmore

In another world, it wasn't Geto who sneered down at humanity, regarding them to be worthless monkeys that deserved to die. In another world, it wasn't Geto who openly defied the Jujutsu Council and brought down terror and fear to all. In another world, it wasn't just Amanai Riko who died that day, amidst the cheers and delighted cries of the insane. And Utahime was going to learn, first hand, the consequences of her own death.

from you to me by onewordmore

A drabble series regarding Gojo and Utahime. From fluff to smut to angst to love. This is going to have it all.

oneshots

oceansize by aerfei

The marriage is arranged by their families, small clans both, with all their hopes and traditions laid gently upon the shoulders of their only heirs -- and yet, this distance is impassable.

under the cover of darkness by ohmytheon

It takes a little alcohol, early morning hours, and a game of truth or dare for Gojo and Utahime to admit some difficult truths to each other.

risk/reward by ohmytheon 

No punishment had ever been more effective in making Gojo do his actual job than receiving praise from his secretary - or more grueling than when Utahime withheld it.

like a good roommate by ohmytheon

Utahime has a problem: her bed wasn't delivered to the new apartment. Her ridiculous roommate, Gojo, has a solution - but he's kind of panicking on the inside.

aware of us by halspur 

“We did alright, didn’t we?” Gojo put his phone down after taking several dozen photos of Tsumiki walking across the stage, his eyes soft. “I mean, we were just kids, too.”

love song by halspur

“Because you’re weak.” Gojo said, muffled into the thin skin of her throat. “I can’t leave you alone.”

tear you apart by halspur

“I don’t want to be mean to you,” Utahime’s cheek was pressed into his spine, her voice muffled. “I like you.”

cuddles are for clean boyfriends by just_trying_my_best_everyday

Utahime finds Gojo Satoru sitting right behind the door, blindfold hanging on his neck, completely soaked in blood and petting her cat with both hands. And he stinks.

honey by florieneofthesea

Gojo Satoru experiences love a decade before he fully realises it.

roots by florieneofthesea 

At the start of winter, Utahime starts to cough up blood. She thinks maybe its just the lingering damage from her last mission, but the coughing persists and it starts to scratch her throat, and itch at her lungs and when she finally makes the trip to Tokyo to ask Shoko for her help, she doesn't even get the first word out. Shoko welcomes her at the entrance to Tokyo Metropolitan Technical School and Utahime hacks up a single, pale blue petal, smattered with blood. She stares down at the flora on the ground and wonders if she's been cursed. Utahime looks up, and Shoko's eyes are wide.

to have and to hold by ashittywriter

“M’sorry," Gojo said his voice slurring at the end. "But please go away, I have a girlfriend." Utahime blinked in confusion. What the fuck? 

souvenir by PrettyKittyLuvsU

“Aha!” Gojo tugged something out of his pocket, his long fingers curled around it as he held his hand behind his back. His other hand waved before him, a cheeky grin splitting his lips. “Ora, ora! Hold out your hand.” Utahime stared flatly. “Ora, ora!” Gojo persisted, continuing to wave his hand as he grinned. “Hold out your hand already!” Utahime scowled at the hand swaying infront of her face. She had half a mind to slap the man instead, but her students were closely watching. Even Gojo’s students, the second years mainly—for Sukuna’s vessel was apologizing profusely as the brown haired girl continued kicking him while the quiet one made no effort to stop her— looked in fascination at whatever ridiculous souvenir Gojo wanted to hand her. Utahime slowly lifted her arm, already planning on throwing the thing back in Gojo’s annoying face. Gojo gets Utahime a very special kind of souvenir. Set during the start of the Goodwill arc.

dayum this exposes me huh? i do be reading a lot but what can i say i love to see it. all these fics are amazing, to the writers y’all are doing fantastically like my goodness you be really putting ya girl in a loop with some of these fics with your plot-lines and doing it flawlessly. can’t thank them enough for them, their hard work and time!

be sure to show the writers some love and support with comments, bookmarks and fight that dayum kudos button when it smiles at you because lemme leave more—

i think they’d really really appreciate it when they hear the bing and be sure to check out all of their stories including the ones in the pairing tag! happy readings 😙✨

#there’s so much more. i gotta make a master post but yeah send your love to the writers #they’re amazing and deserve all the love and support #🤍💫✨ #gojohime #fic rec #anon #asks #replies #nitatalks

[wewinbees]

“you only saw me as a weapon!” an in-depth analysis of tommy and techno’s relationship /rp

a mild focus on techno’s thoughts since it’s his speech, but not one or the other is in the right here. a lot of this might have been said, but this is a BIG collection from pogtopia to doomsday to address as many angles as possible. to preface, i don’t think tommy sees techno as a weapon and nothing else, but the point remains that techno feels like he does, and that’s important.

this is from like january btw lol

we’ll start with “the blade” tommy’s nickname for techno, which got adopted by a lot of the server (as tommy’s nicknames tend to be). most other people have the Big [X] format, but techno gets this specialised nickname. i think the reason he developed a negative association with it was because of when it was used; when they need him for fights. the most important would be the vault reveal, with wilbur getting everyone to victoriously chant “we have the blade!” to boister morale. this would have been fine in and of itself, if it weren’t for the events of the rest of the day and what that name would come to represent. it ends up becoming a taunt to him, because that’s what people get close to him for. his use to them as the blade rather than his friendship to them as technoblade

tommy’s always very happy to call in techno for help, and techno usualy sorts it out with... minimal effort required. i do see this more as a blend of tommy’s pride in knowing techno and smugness at having that kind of upperhand in a fight over him viewing techno solely as a weapon to use, but this still ends up being detrimental to their friendship because of how much it happens. remember, the entire reason techno joined the server was to help wilbur and techno form pogtopia. techno doesn’t mind helping tommy out, but at some point it’s going to be frustrating, being called in for any and all minor struggles. but in the end of the day, it’s fine, because they’re brothers under the same cause. destroying manberg. Oh Wait.

the main issue came after the festival, with that faith and trust tommy had in techno being shattered; rightfully so, because watching tubbo get murdered was traumatic for him, because for tommy the pit was no way to settle that conflict (which reminded, wasn’t techno’s suggestion, it was proposed and pushed onto them by wilbur). since tommy sees technoblade as unbeatable, he couldn’t understand why techno was so easily peer-pressured by manberg. he was threatened by how many people were against him, he was stressed dealing with the voices telling him to do it, he didn’t see any other way out, he wasn’t getting any support from his only other allies even though he was looking right at them and they still did nothing.

but tommy didn’t understand because he thought techno could have won. techno did try to stall as well, but without orders from his friends he ended up following schatt’s, and once he realised he had the power to kill everyone on stage, he just gave into that power. the miscommunication during the pogtopia arc was why techno felt as betrayed as he did, and why the victim complex argument annoys me so much, since he was kept in the dark for that long while grinding resources for the army. also, since techno wasn’t there for l’manberg’s peaceful days or the start of the disc saga he would never understand how important those attachments were to people, so he’d feel little remorse blowing them all up (especially since he knew that was the backup plan for pogtopia anyway, and just because people were unhappy about it didn’t change the fact that it was a plan)

a lot of people say that techno should have known that pogtopia’s goal was to form a new government, that at some point he should have overheard the real plan. everyone agreed to ‘destroy manberg’ (as in the government not the land) but somehow techno never found out about the ‘restoring l’manberg’ part of the plan. how that happened, who knows, but in the end of the day, the writers chose for that miscommunication to happen for the story. it’s not a how or a why, it’s just a fact that was written in. he didn’t find out until it was right in front of him, and he was bound to feel betrayed by that, enough that he was driven to do something irrational. my personal theory is that techno was mainly following wilbur’s orders, and because wilbur was the real traitor, chances are he never mentioned any forming of a new government since he knew that would lose techno’s support. wilbur was probably using techno as a weapon, that was his mentality for a lot of people back then, but since he was the leader of pogtopia then that negative transference carried on to the rest of the members for techno, most of all tommy as he was the other key founder, and not as underhanded about getting techno’s help. i’d say wilbur’s address of techno during the final speech was the a key reason as to why techno doesn’t feel as used by him than he is with tommy, solidifying the anarchy bros before dying, meaning anything else could be revealed.

after the war, the bedrock bros were completely alienated from eachother. tommy started to blame everything about l’manberg’s destruction on techno, since wilbur died and ghostbur isn’t really at fault for anything. techno distanced himself from everything, going into retirement for the unforeseeable future because he felt like his violent anarchist tactics were futile and grew tired of constant conflict. he talked to tommy a few times during retirement, and every single time, he asks tommy how the government was working out for him. when he was at risk of being exiled, just before being exiled and immediately after exile. he wanted tommy to see the government in the same light as he did, because when l’manberg sold him out he realised they were the same. they’d both been betrayed by the government and from that point on he fully believed tommy would be better off away from l’manberg. but every time tommy said no, because he believed in the original dream wilbur had for l’manberg and because he trusted tubbo’s leadership. techno was smug when he was proved right because of course he was he’s technoblade. plus, they did view eachother as enemies at this point, so it’s not unacceptable for them to argue with eachother right now.

that brings us to the execution. traumatising! the refusal to run a fair trial and the dehumanising treatment from his old allies in pogtopia hammer this home, but importantly they rope philza into the chaos this time. ALSO it’s important to mention that techno was killed; he just got an extra life from the totem. he was actually killed and his character experienced that pain as punishment. he was pushed out of retirement, which was unjust in his eyes, since he believed he had genuinely changed. it didn’t help that quackity explicitly told him it wasn’t actually punishment for the withers, but instead a move to consolidate power, furthering his view of the cabinet as corrupt. from that point on he left retirement. he’d been doing well without violence, building connections with new people like vikk and lazar and finding a fragile form of peace, but in the end this shattered it. he’s back to being the blade, speaking with violence, because l’manberg made it clear there was no other way for him to be heard at this point. so he’s going to destroy them, even if he has to do it alone.

enter stage raccooninnit.

tommy taking refuge in techno’s house because he knew techno was rich enough for him to steal his resources and strong enough to defend him from dream is... interesting. he couldn’t go back to l’manberg, but he took refuge with a man who he viewed as a villain. this probably doesn’t help techno’s opinion of him, since he is quite literally using him for his resources, but in the end of the day tommy was desperate and quite literally on the verge of death, so he seemed to take some kind of pity on him. the exile period of their relationship is definitely the most important part of this argument, because it was just the two of them: no wilbur or pogtopia as an external force (though the pressure of dream and l’manberg still affected things) but in the same way ultimately doomed to fail. they fight for a moment, but ultimately settle as ‘business partners’. which quickly evolves back into a friendship like the one they had before the festival.

my least favourite take is that either one of them never valued the other at this point because this is just.... violently not true. they started off working for mutual benefit; tommy explicitly agreed to do minor terrorism in l’manberg and to help techno get his weapons back in return for techno’s help getting the discs back and taking refuge in his house. from the start both of them stated their limits:

techno was always planning on getting revenge on l’manberg for what happened on the day of his execution

tommy never wanted to upset tubbo, and wanted to put getting his discs back first

should note that tommy changes his mind on the disc’s priority later on, but at the point of their alliance he does make it clear that’s what he wants out of the partnership. the issue is that from the start both of them went in with blind optimism. neither of them lied to eachother or forced them to change their viewpoints but in the end of the day they could never be on the same side as long as l’manberg was involved. (note, i think some people think he wasn’t but techno was actually planning on helping tommy getting the discs back, with him getting annoyed at tommy letting tubbo give dream the disc because that made both of their jobs so much harder, but it was more of a long term goal bc he knew dream was hard to beat. plus before his execution, he visited tommy and strongly implied he would be willing to help with the discs, and that he would be a better ally in those personal aims than NLM were)

i don’t understand the ‘techno was only using tommy’ accusation here because like... how? what would he have to gain by having tommy on his side? he could definitely have blown up l’manberg without his help, so why bring him in at all? it was a very mutual agreement of ‘we’re using eachother’ that developed into genuine friendship. i’ve always seen it as a teaching experience: techno knows tommy had been wronged by NLM, and by extension tubbo, and by taking him on these minor terrorism trips, he’s showing tommy the worst of l’manberg. look, look at this execution stand, look at what they’ve done. and in doing this, he’s trying to prove to tommy that what he’s going to do to l’manberg is right. and in showing him the worst of NLM, he’s neglecting all of its good parts, but again, techno cant see any positives in l’manberg, and is trying to show tommy that everyone, especially tommy, would be better off without it. and tommy had criticisms of l’manberg before he was exiled, especially in regards to tubbo. he told ranboo the reason he chose wilbur to be president instead of tubbo was because he was worried the presidency would ruin their friendship, and Look At Exactly What Happened. techno highlighting the flaws of the country to tommy was easy because it WAS flawed and it hurt both of them. and techno’s hope was that tommy would join him in the eventual destruction of it, because he wanted to share his revenge with tommy and for him to get his own justice against l’manberg. but it... didn’t quite work out that way.

they both tried to make it easier for the other; techno told tommy he didn’t need to fight against l’manberg if he didn’t want to, but tommy came with him to the festival anyway to confront dream, despite techno’s mission being against the government in that situation. tommy started to view tubbo’s cabinet as corrupt for the execution and neglecting him during exile, and ended up helping techno out around the base and even toning down the purposeful annoyance (per techno’s ooc request). and the day before the green festival, he told techno he would help to destroy l’manberg (not knowing how quickly things would escalate the next day, since doomsday was fairly spontaneous) but in the end they would never be able to find a full compromise: techno would always be an anarchist and tommy could never hurt tubbo.

people accuse techno of not caring for tommy, which really annoys me because it’s not?? true??? if anything he shows more outward affection than tommy did. he didn’t have any benefit from taking in tommy, but he still did it. it’s not really basic decency either, given that they were technically enemies beforehand. he picked up on tommy’s fragile state around dream and defended, hid him despite the fact that he owed dream, he kept him away from logsted and the final control room after realising how upsetting they were. he exchanged the christmas presents, he jumped in to defend him against the rest of the server and when tommy betrayed techno, he was genuinely hurt! he was wrecklessly impulsive in a way the calculated blade usually wasn’t, almost blowing up half his house (including almost killing his villagers) because of the negative association with dnret.

that’s not to say tommy doesn’t also get absolutely crucified for betraying techno because of all of techno did for him. again it was somewhat inevitable. tommy said it himself, he was turning into someone he didn’t want to be, he was hurting people, and it was somewhat because he was living with technoblade. he was so powerless under dream, and he liked the feeling of power he got from teaming with techno, so much so that it drove him to cruelty, with even techno telling him he went too far with fundy. in the end, it’s probably for the best that he set that boundary and left to go back to l’manberg, but ultimately it was upsetting to both of them. techno felt betrayed because he genuinely thought tommy was his friend, only to be turned on last minute once again, now surrounded alone by enemies he was trying to protect tommy from. to him, allying with dream was just as bad as tommy allying with l’manberg. a betrayal for a betrayal, absolute reciprocity.

we all know the doomsday speech, with techno’s arguments being consistently stronger than tommy’s and much easier to defend, but we can’t just dismiss him. tommy had a lot of emotional input that day, and was angry at techno for a Lot of reasons, so he was more focused on shouting than making sense. he was more accusatory, while techno had fairly focused rebuttals (which, fair, i’m pretty sure that was techno’s first big addressal of most of that with other characters). it ended with tommy calling techno selfish for destroying l’manberg and techno coldly shutting tommy out for the betrayal.

betrayal was the driving force for techno’s “weapon” speech. tommy used him in pogtopia, tried to use him to stop dream exiling him and terrorising NLM) which he laughed at when told in character) and used him for getting the discs back. tommy wasn’t just using him, he genuinely felt like they had built a relationship beyond that, but when techno acted under his own ideals that went against his, then it was over. because tommy doesn’t value techno’s ideals, because they’re ‘selfish’ to him since he’s one of the only ones who believes in them. in turn techno sees that as making tommy selfish and as such they’re unable to compromise.

living with techno was an important part of tommy’s recovery process, which is still ongoing now. he saw immediate changes from his time with dream, claiming he felt “more me-ey” around techno and genuinely valuing his company. but he viewed techno’s alliance with dream as a betrayal, and he viewed the nov 16th incident as a betrayal. because he see’s techno’s belief in anarchy as selfish. something i never hear people point out is that tommy ADMITS he betrayed techno. after doomsday*, he says “all this time, technoblade told me i was betraying him. and you know what? (whispered) i was.” he’s guilty about it, and he understands that techno’s hurt. but he still can’t see him as being in the right, because techno took l’manberg forcefully and violently, and because tommy was hurt by their separation too. techno was powered by revenge more than anarchy during doomsday, which i think is important to point out. tommy had focused in on the threat of dream, and forgotten all the trauma techno went through with l’manberg, and left techno to rejoin l’manberg.

BOTH of them have explicitly stated “i viewed him as a friend but he never viewed me as one” and that’s just... devastating. at one point we can only hope that they have an in-canon conversation to actually settle all of this, but for now their storylines are separate and we’ll just have to live with that.

if anyone has anything they’d like to ask/clarify, or additions from any side i’d love to see it bc character analysis of dsmp characters is what’s keeping me going rn lmao. i said betrayal so many times here i am very sorry for clogging up the tag bc my readmore isn’t working yet (edit SAVED)

*i actually think this speech from tommy is very important, and not looked at as much as other stuff so im gonna link it here [55:52].

#technoblade #tommyinnit #dsmp #mcyt #bedrock bros #dsmp analysis #my readmore isn’t working sad face #can you tell im done with one sided discourse? i just can’t cope with black and white accusations they are all so so flawed #people are entitled to their opinions but sometimes it is just character bashing #the victim complex accusation rots my brain almost as much as people critising how c!techno shows emotions bc folks.... COME ON #if this is coherent i will be AMAZED because i should have focused on either pogtopia era or exile era #i don’t understand mcyttwt because this would be like five threads they have no room to argue anything how do they live #long post #my metas #if this post flops i will be devastated bc then i can’t justify procrastinating 2 essays #sbi #sleepy boys inc

[firemanwhenthefloodsrollback]

side character deaths in buffy

I've been thinking a lot recently about death in buffy, mainly inspired by Help and everything that has to say to us about avoiding, accepting and understanding death

obviously the main characters' deaths are heartbreaking, because they're written to be heartbreaking and break our relationships with characters we love and know well. buffy (twice), angel, spike, joyce, tara, anya, and all the many alternate universe and dream vision deaths that kill the main characters rip my heart out of my chest for obvious reasons. but today I've been thinking more about the deaths of people we didn't know that well and whose deaths we watch without knowing them well. so I'm gonna talk about some of those cause it's my blog and you can't stop me.

(for the purposes of this post I'm counting main characters as anyone who was in the credits, with the addition of joyce because come on)

Deputy Mayor Allan Finch/Warren in Bad Girls and Villains

These two deaths both make you gasp for the same reason - they're sudden, physically icky (warren has the edge here with the flaying but the dark blood and death rattle for allan is also horrible to watch) and while we don't have a lot of positive feelings for the victim, we gasp because of what it means for the murderers and how we suddenly realised this season is going to get darker than we thought. faith and willow both spend the rest of their time on the show dealing with the consequences of these deaths and the audience knows in the moment they happen what it has to mean for the main characters. we want to save faith and willow from the consequences of having done this. just like faith, we're confused in the dark when a figure comes towards the slayers and we don't realise what's happening immediately, and with willow we've been watching her friends approach through the forest the whole time she's giving her evil speech thinking they have to be in time to stop her because no way would the writers let willow torture a man to death on screen. If warren or the deputy mayor had died because of a demon or accident we probably wouldn't have noticed (in the deputy mayor's case) or we'd have actively applauded (I rly wanted to watch warren die).

Jesse in The Harvest

I'm guilty of forgetting about Jesse (and so is the buffy writers room when they fail to mention him for seven years) but killing off a character who looked all set to become a scooby in the pilot and then making his best friend dust him as a vampire was both shocking and showed us a lot of the issues the show would go on to consider in miniature, right at the start. we've had campy vampires running around and wisecracking, we've had vampires being cool and edgy, the master being a total ham, but then we suddenly have to watch xander grapple with the idea that vampires are more than strangers in graveyards, they're the people you knew with yellow eyes and no soul, they can talk to you with all their childhood memories of you intact. season one might do a lot of floppy cardboard monsters but Jesse's death tells us they fully intend to Go There with the horrifying psychological implications of what vampires can do to you.

Jenny Calendar and Kendra Young in Passion and Becoming

I think of these deaths together because they were both characters that we half-knew and thought we'd get to know more. they were both characters who we felt could have gone on to be in the credits, have their own plots, and had a lot left to explore on the show. having two slayers in town could have been interesting (and would go on to be interesting in season three) and as well as her love story with Giles, we'd just had the veil pulled back about Jenny's heritage and reason for coming to Sunnydale - so both of these deaths were in the horrible sweet spot of having got to know the characters more than someone like Jesse, but not feeling 'done' with them yet. they were both killed by vampires who didn't even feed on them, by neck injuries that weren't bites by 'big bad' vampires who were really after someone else. after their deaths they both set more in motion and had long thematic afterlives - we think about Kendra when faith is called, and when we meet the potentials, and Jenny gives us the soul curse and gets willow started casting spells. Kendra definitely deserved more remembering than she got, and in a world where Joss Whedon had more time for Black characters I like to think we'd have got more of her and Mr Pointy.

the normal teens buffy couldn't save

before I started writing this post, I knew this was where we were going to end up.

(Jonathan maybe doesn't totally count here but I did because his final lines made me so sad)

characters who chose to join a battle between good and evil and died as part of that fight break my heart, but at least with Jenny and Kendra they knew at least partly what they were signing up for. Larry and Harmony we knew enough to have compassion for, and even when they were mean they were mean in regular school kid ways rather than big bad evil ways. I went to school with all of these people and probably so did everyone else.

Larry and Harmony died on graduation day when they were meant to be becoming adults under posters that said 'the future is ours' - Larry was newly out as gay and Harmony was about to get out from under the popular girls and maybe become a person who could stand on her own two feet, and Buffy could have helped them if there'd been less murder and death going on everywhere around them. harmony as a screaming blonde teen was exactly the type of victim buffy saves ten times an episode in alleys outside the bronze. Jonathan had more of an arc but at the end, back in high school after making an optimistic, bittersweet speech about coming to terms with high school and being optimistic about the rest of his life, leaving behind Andrew and Warren's bitter obsessive revenge of the nerds fantasies.

and Cassie, my heartbreaking queen, the one that gets me more than anyone that I wrote about a lot yesterday, knew what was coming and that no one could save her, and all the things she listed that she knew she'd miss were teenage coming of age things. she wanted to go backpacking, attend college, go to a dance with a boy, and fall in love one day. the whole of Help, she's considering the rites of passage she won't get to do, and in her therapy sessions Buffy tries to inspire her to want to go to college or join the french foreign legion. for buffy, saving Cassie means giving her a future. we haven't met the potentials or heard the word potential yet in Help but this episode is all about potential, and Buffy's attempts to save a life meaning safeguarding someone's potential and right to grow up.

#buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #buffy meta #season one #the harvest #jesse #season two #becoming #kendra #Kendra young #passion #Jenny calendar #Larry #harmony #Jonathan #cassie newton #season three #graduation day #season seven #help #conversations with dead people

[capcarolsdanver]

Why Her? (Part 4)

Summary: This fic is based off a request from an anon after some speculations that have been made on my blog. Brie enlists the help of the reader to get a date with a girl that reader knows from class, only for unexpected feelings to be caught. Drama/angst/fluff to come! Pairing: Brie x Reader

A/N: The final chapter is here!! This was a fun one to write. Thank you to everybody who read it, and most importantly, thank you to everybody who liked/reblogged and gave me feedback!! You guys don’t know how important it is to writers. I look forward to hearing what you think of the last chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Please do not repost my writing anywhere without my permission.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

You once again find yourself sitting on your own at the campus library, surrounded by textbooks that you’re trying to convince yourself to focus on. The rest of the weekend after you’d left the diner had been fairly uneventful, aside from the onslaught of texts and phone calls from Brie that you’ve been evading.

You weren’t trying to be hurtful in your actions, but seeing her and Sarah talking together, and standing so close, made you realise how careless you’d been. You had let yourself develop feelings for Brie. You’re certain of that now, after spending practically the whole weekend going over and over the reason why you’d run from the diner.

And now you’re just trying to protect yourself and give both you and Brie the time and space you think your friendship deserves, if you still can even call what you had a friendship. You know that if you continue the same kind of routine that you and Brie had fallen into, then it would only lead to more confusing, damaging feelings arising.

And that would be unfair to the both of you.

As if aware that your thoughts had drifted to her, Brie is suddenly sitting opposite you at the table, fixing you with a hard look.

You would be lying if you said you were shocked by the presence. You knew it was only a matter of time before she would confront you over your ghosting her.

“Well it’s good to know you’re alive,” she says. It’s hard to interpret her tone, especially because you refuse to meet her eyes. Partly because you’re still trying to keep your distance. But you do also still feel embarrassed by your dramatic exit only two days ago.

At the time, you hadn’t even been thinking about the repercussions, but after the fact, you had realised how confusing the situation may have been for Brie, especially with your radio silence afterwards.

“Hi,” you say sheepishly. You still hesitate to look at her but you already know that her hard stare doesn’t waver.

“That’s it?” Now you hear the snippiness of her tone. “You ignore me for two days and ‘hi’ is all you’ve got to say?”

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” you try, but she cuts you off quicker than you expect.

“Really? What do you call it, then?”

You stutter, failing to come up with an answer. You were ignoring her, after all. Though you don’t want to admit that to her, because then you would have to explain why you were ignoring her. And you’re fairly sure that would ten lead to you talking about seeing her and Sarah at the diner together, and what exactly that might mean.

“I was busy,” is all you can come up with. Brie scoffs from the other side of the table.

“You were too busy to let me know you were okay?” You sense a more fragile emotion leaking into her tone and finally you tentatively meet her gaze. “I was worried about you,” she admits softly, her vulnerability on full display.

“Well maybe you should stop worrying about me so much,” you bite out, immediately regretting your unintentionally heated response. Brie looks taken aback and you can practically see the wall she starts putting up around herself as her features harden.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice unnervingly dropping any signs of emotion. “Maybe I should.” She abruptly pushes her chair back to leave and you feel an incredible pang of guilt again.

“Brie, wait,” you say hastily. You half expect her to continue on her way without a second glance, but instead she freezes where she is. She looks at you expectantly. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re right. I didn’t.” Her words are clipped and you don’t blame her for her attitude at all. After all, it’s your feelings getting in the way of things, not hers.

“I’m an asshole.” You shake your head at yourself. “Forgive me?” You plead, your apologetic eyes on Brie. You watch her resolve begin to crumble and her tense muscles seem to relax a little. Eventually she nods.

“Okay. Only if you explain why you ignored me, though.” It’s a fair request, though of course you can’t exactly answer it truthfully.

“I didn’t lie when I said I was busy,” you decide to supply, even though you know full well you had spent the last two days hiding out in your dorm room doing almost nothing but thinking about how to deal with your emerging feelings for Brie. “I barely looked at my phone all weekend.”

She seems to accept your answer and turns to face you more directly again. “Well how about now? Are you too busy to go grab a coffee with me?” She is casual in the way she asks, though her tone betrays her in revealing a hint of nerves in her words.

You know you probably shouldn’t go. You know, really, you should be putting at least some distance between you and Brie to salvage the friendship and spare either of you hurt feelings. But then how were you ever expected to say no to her? Especially when she’s standing right in front of you and you still feel guilty about your behaviour over the last couple days.

You force yourself to hold in the sigh that you almost release, because of course you know you’re going to say yes to her.

————————

Coffee with Brie goes pretty well, if slightly less relaxed as your usual time spent with Brie is. You do feel better for agreeing to go, though, mainly because Brie seems much happier when you part ways than when she had first shown up to talk to you at the library that morning.

You avoided the topic of Sarah completely, and you’re not sure if it was intentional but Brie seemed to do the same, also. You’re not sure how to interpret that just yet, but you choose to ignore the gnawing feeling it gives you. Was she deliberately not bringing Sarah up around you for a reason? Or had she just perhaps not even thought to bring the other girl up in conversation?

You must admit, that possibility seems odd, seeing as it was literally the entire reason why you had started talking to Brie in the first place, and since a lot of the time you spent together hanging out was at parties where Sarah also was.

Though, of course, there were also the times you spent together where Sarah wasn’t even so much as mentioned. The movie night only a handful of nights ago immediately comes to mind.

You shake your head to clear your thoughts on your walk back to your dorm room after your final class of the day. This is the exact reason why you feel like you need to put some distance between you and Brie for a little while. This constant questioning over every interaction you and Brie shared would surely do no good for either of you in the long run.

Once you make it inside, you thankfully find your room empty. You do have a roommate, though you rarely see her at all, which works for you just fine. Especially when you have so much on your mind and want nothing more than to just be on your own. You throw your bag down next to your desk and throw yourself down on your bed, heaving out a heavy sigh before you fish your phone out of your pocket.

You’ve barely checked it all day, but you’re still surprised to see a text from Brie waiting for you.

“I’m glad we’re okay.”

You stare at the text for probably far too long. You’re not too sure how to interpret it, though maybe there isn’t really anything to interpret from the seemingly simple text.

“Me too.”

You bite your lip anxiously, knowing that Brie will likely reply at any moment, but feeling entirely unprepared for it. On one hand, you could so easily fall back into your easy pattern of talking with Brie, but on the other hand, you are fully aware that you have to keep some kind of boundary between the two of you right now.

When you do receive another text from her a moment later, you again stare at the words staring back at you on the screen.

“So, what are you up to tonight? Impromptu movie night?”

You so badly want to say yes. The last movie night had been so nice, and you had loved the time spent with Brie. But then what happened shortly after that is in your head again, and that’s enough to make your mind up for you. You certainly don’t want any kind of reenactment of the diner incident, especially if Brie and Sarah have taken the next step and have started talking as you suspect they may have.

“I can’t, I have to study tonight :(“

Another easy lie that goes towards putting some space between the two of you.

“Aw, okay then nerd :P”

You would normally chuckle at Brie’s light teasing, but all you do is sigh in disappointment, because you so wish you could be on your way to Brie’s for a movie night right now. Instead, you leave her text unanswered and put your phone aside, staring at the ceiling and silently praying for the universe to just give you a break.

Brie sends several more invites to hang out over the next few days, and you would pat yourself on the back for finding an excuse to turn them all down if it didn’t make you feel so terrible. You’re slowly starting to think the space from Brie is just making you want her even more.

As if on cue, your phone vibrates on your bedside table.

“I hear there’s a party tonight…”

“Oh yeah?”

In all fairness, you haven’t really been looking out for any parties lately. Mainly because you’ve been trying to somehow push away your feelings for Brie, and you doubt going with her to a party where Sarah would likely be would help you with that.

“Yeah. I hear Sarah will be there…”

You sigh, getting the confirmation that you aren’t at all surprised to receive. Of course this was all just another step in the Sarah plan. You don’t know how to respond, and you half consider just ignoring the message when Brie sends through another.

“Will you go with me?”

“I don’t know”

You don’t even really have any fake excuses left to use to get out of it, but you just hope that Brie picks up on your reluctancy to go and lets you off the hook.

“Please?”

Apparently not. Still, for a single word, her text does wonders at making your resolve slip. You close your eyes for a long moment and take a deep breath, slowly letting it out while you mentally prepare for the night ahead of you.

————————

You agree to meet Brie at the party, as it’s almost exactly halfway between your respective residencies. When you step through the open doorway, you’re hit with the overwhelming sounds of people yelling, desperately trying to be heard over the almost deafening volume of the music.

You keep a look out for Brie as you walk but there’s no need. You’ve only taken a few short steps when a gentle hand finds your waist and you twist around to see Brie’s wide smile.

“Hey,” she shouts, or at least you think she does. Seriously, if you made it through the night with your hearing intact it would be a miracle.

“Hey, yourself,” you shout back. Brie also seems to realise the problem with trying to have a conversation where you are. She looks around and spots a large open doorway opposite where you stand, grabbing your wrist to pull you towards it.

You make it into the kitchen, which you’re happy to discover doesn’t seem to have the same acoustics as the room directly attached to it because it is significantly quieter in here. There’s also only a small handful of people standing around, another startling contrast to the room full of people you had just come from.

Brie stops and takes a dramatic breath, quickly releasing it and she offers you an easy smile.

“You know, I kind of half expected you not to show up tonight,” she admits, but her smile stays in place. “I’m glad you did, though.”

You ignore the slight stab of guilt you feel, knowing full well that you couldn’t blame Brie for not even fully trusting that you would show up. You have been dodging every plan she’s tried to make with you for the last week.

“Well, you did say please,” you shrug and Brie’s smile grows in size, chuckling at you. You’re left standing facing each other for a moment in as much silence as the party will allow, and in the absence of talking, your eyes roam over Brie without your permission.

She looks good tonight. Not that she hasn’t looked every bit as good every other time you’ve seen her, but there’s something about her tonight. You look at her face and notice what you think is the slightest bit of nerves, and she clears her throat and takes a look at all the alcohol sprawled across the countertop.

She turns and takes it upon herself to make up two drinks. You watch her as she focuses intensely at the task at hand, before she grabs the cups and hands one to you.

“Thank you,” you say, a small smile of appreciation, and you make a move to take a sip, though you never quite get there as you’re startled by the sudden outburst of Brie’s voice across from you.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

You slowly lower the cup, not moving your eyes from her as you study her carefully. She looks far too serious for your liking. You try to play it cool, though your stomach sinks, realising what she was likely about to tell you. That her and Sarah had hit it off that morning at the diner, and that they had continued talking and hanging out together. Brie had finally earned that date she was after. You should have wondered why Brie had asked you to a party where Sarah would be even though you saw with your own eyes how comfortable the two were when they talked now.

“Aren’t we already talking?” You say stubbornly, immediately trying to find a way to end this conversation before it can even begin. You are nervous to admit that you hadn’t thought about what your friendship with Brie might look like if her and Sarah actually did get together, especially considering your feelings for Brie that only seem to be growing stronger. You can’t hold eye contact with Brie anymore, so you look away at anything that isn’t her. Your eyes land on a figure in the adjacent room. Sarah.

In a feeble attempt to avoid dealing with this conversation for the time being, you point her out before Brie can even get another word out.

“I found Sarah,” you say. Brie barely even offers a glance over her shoulder towards the other girl before she’s looking back at you again. “Go get her,” you say, a forced smile on your face.

“I just need to-“

“Seriously, you’ll miss your chance if you don’t go to her now.” You pointedly keep your eyes on Sarah, avoiding looking directly at Brie at all cost. You can feel your own emotions quickly beginning to rile up and you know you have to put a stop to this before you lose it.

“Y/N, please.” She reaches for you and the second her hand makes contact with you something within you snaps.

“Brie, what are you still doing here?” You growl and you can physically see Brie recoil a little. “Just go to her. We both know she’s the only reason we’re friends, anyway, so you might as well stop wasting your time.”

At this, Brie takes a full step back, as if she’s just taken a physical hit. “The only reason?” She asks in disbelief, hurt crossing her face as her features crumple slightly.

You at least have the decency to feel a little guilty. You know you have the tendency to snap like this when you’re trying to protect yourself. You’re an emotional person; you either snap, or burst into tears when dealing with anxiety-ridden situations like this. But nonetheless, you feel completely terrible for so clearly hurting Brie’s feelings.

“Listen, Brie. You just have a good night, okay?” You say, remorse on your face before your feet carry you back through the sea of people and the thumping music until you’re back outside, keeping a brisk pace as you begin to walk down the road, in what you hope is the direction of your dorm.

“Where are you going?” You hear Brie’s distinctive voice from the front of the house, actually surprised that she’d even followed you this far. You ignore her, not even looking in her direction, figuring she’ll give up and head back inside. You’d already ruined the night, you don’t want to do any more damage.

Only a moment later, though, she’s catching your hand with her own and trying to slow you down. You can hear her rushed breath from behind you and at her continued efforts and you wonder if she’d had to run after you to catch you. You eventually sigh and come to a stop. As soon as she gets the opportunity, she stands in front of you, almost as if to stop any other attempts at running away that you might try.

“What the hell was that?” She exclaims. She looks somewhere between mad and concerned. You of course hadn’t planned on any of this happening, so you’re at a loss for what to do. You’ve barely had control over your emotions over the last week and it feels like you’re just about at your breaking point.

“Talk to me,” she whispers, and of course that is what seems to break you as you feel tears sting at your eyes.

You slam them shut to stop any tears from leaking out, but when Brie tugs you into a tight hug, her cheek pressing against the side of your head, you can do nothing to stop the first tears from falling.

God, what the hell was happening to you tonight?

Brie shushes you calmly when she hears your cries, as if the night couldn’t get any more embarrassing for you.

“I’m sorry,” you sob into her shoulder. Her hand rubs soothing circles on your back and you focus on that, taking in some deep breaths. You seriously want to crawl into a dark hole somewhere out of pure embarrassment once you eventually calm down enough.

“You don’t need to apologise.” Brie breathes out, remarkably patient with the blubbering mess that you’ve become.

“I should have just listened when you wanted to tell me about you and Sarah, but instead I had to make the whole thing about myself. I’m such a bad friend.”

Brie’s hand on your back falters, stopping those soothing motions and she gently pulls away from you, her furrowed brow emphasising her apparent confusion.

“Me and Sarah? What are you talking about?”

“That’s what you wanted to tell me back there, right? That you and Sarah have started seeing each other?”

Brie doesn’t so much as blink at you as she continues staring at you, but you notice her features changing. One eyebrow seems to arch in question and one side of her mouth curves up in a kind of half smile.

“What gave you that impression?” She asks, and is that a hint of amusement you can hear in her voice?

“Um,” you start, blinking a few times and suddenly feeling very much put on the spot. “Well, I saw you both at the diner last weekend talking, and you both seemed awfully happy together,” you say, becoming more and more unsure of your words as you explain. Brie’s smile widens and you feel the need to further your explanation. “I saw her touch you on your arm.” You say it as if it explains everything, but it sounds ridiculous to say out loud now, especially with Brie looking at you like she was.

“Wait, is that why you left the diner that morning?” Brie asks, something clearly clicking in her head. When you remain silent and your cheeks redden slightly she lets out a surprised little laugh. “I knew you were ignoring me!”

“I wasn’t,” you mumble, but you know it’s no use.

“So you think that I started seeing Sarah, and chose not to tell you immediately, just because you saw us talking one time?”

“Oh god,” you say, even more embarrassed than when you’d just been crying into Brie’s top only a few moments ago. You drop your face into your hands. “I’m an idiot.”

“Not an idiot,” Brie says. You look back up at her and she’s wearing a cheeky kind of grin as she watches you. “But a little jealous, maybe?”

She’s right, of course, but you can’t just outright admit that to her. Instead, you change the topic in the first way you can think of.

“I suppose that explains why you wanted me to come here tonight, then.” Brie tilts her head curiously at you, waiting for you to clarify further. “I’m assuming you still want help with Sarah,” you shrug.

Brie watches you, her expression remaining unchanged. “You really think that, don’t you?”

It’s your turn to look at Brie quizzically now.

“Y/N, I’ve been trying to make plans with you all week. I asked you to come with me tonight because I thought if I told you Sarah would be here, you would say yes because of our agreement.” You still don’t quite follow, but Brie suddenly shifts from foot to foot nervously, so you give her a moment to continue. “I wanted to talk to you about something, and I knew it was a conversation for us to have in person.”

“So, you didn’t invite me here because of Sarah?” You ask dumbly, feeling several steps behind Brie. She smiles at you like she wants to laugh. When she reaches out for your hand, your breath catches slightly.

“Do you remember after that first party we went to together? We were walking back to your dorm and you asked ‘why her?’, remember?”

You nod. Of course you remember. It’s only the very thought that has been playing on repeat in your mind since the moment you asked it.

“Well, at the time I thought nothing of it. I mean, I didn’t really have a good answer, but I didn’t think I needed one. But that question just kept repeating itself in my head.” Huh, well at least it wasn’t just you who was apparently haunted by that thought. “It made me realise I was chasing some girl who I had already put up on a pedestal. I’d never even had a conversation with her before that night.”

Brie drops her gaze to your hand that she has clasped in her own and begins lightly fidgeting with your fingers. The feeling of it brings an instant smile to your face, despite how heavy this conversation feels.

“I was too focused on one girl who I didn’t even know, when really, it turns out I actually should have been focusing on another girl who I was actually enjoying spending time with.”

You pause, your mouth falling slightly open in shock as you take in Brie’s words.

“Wait, what?” You say, because… what? She’s not implying what you think she is, right? “What about the diner? I saw Sarah there with you…”

“She wasn’t there with me, we just ran into each other. Actually, I think that’s when I realised there weren’t any feelings there for me.” Brie clears her throat, looking up at you. “I like talking to her. She’s nice and everything. But when I saw you leave, that was when I felt something.”

Well, this certainly was not how you predicted tonight to go. But the warmth that runs through you at Brie’s confession is probably one of the best feelings you’ve ever experienced, and you know this conversation is far from over. You’re still at a loss of words, though you hope the way you return Brie’s gaze is enough to tell her how you feel too.

“How about instead of asking me ‘why her?’ you ask me ‘why not her?’”

You’re puzzled to say the least, but still do as Brie asks.

“Why not her?” You ask, and the smile that spreads on Brie’s face as her eyes travel over your features before returning to your eyes has you returning a nervous smile of your own. She steps closer, her hand dropping from yours in favour of resting it on your side instead.

“Because she’s not you,” she says, barely a whisper, and the blush that immediately warms your cheeks is no surprise. You genuinely don’t know how to react at this smooth-talking side of Brie that you’ve never really seen, so you duck your head, though it isn’t enough to hide the enormous smile your lips curve into.

“That’s so cheesy,” you say and Brie bursts into laughter, probably more because of her own nerves than you actually saying anything funny.

“Well my name is Brie,” she shrugs. “I was born to be cheesy.”

“Oh my god.” You laugh now, too, lifting your head back up to meet Brie’s eyes again.

“Forget cliches, I’ll be exclusively bringing you Brie-ches.” She grins, clearly finding herself hilarious, but you just shake your head at her, another laugh escaping your lips.

“Please shut up,” you chuckle, and immediately her eyebrows are dancing, a playful glint in her eyes. You know what she’s going to say before she’s even saying it.

“Make me.”

And it’s perhaps the biggest cliche of them all, but you would be lying if you say it doesn’t have an effect on you. As if on its own accord, your body presses forward. Brie, who anticipates the movement, slides her hands around your waist to pull you closer, and before you know it your body is pressed into hers and your lips meet hers in a searing kiss.

Her hands tighten on you and she hums against your lips. She pulls back only slightly and only to swipe her tongue across your bottom lip, and you’re eagerly opening your mouth for her, her tongue meeting yours in a kiss that seems too fast, but not fast enough.

The kiss feels like relief, but also excitement. It feels dangerous, but also safe.

It feels like home.

After a long, heated moment, you and Brie finally separate yourselves from each other. Your skin is flushed all over, both of you breathing heavily and her eyes don’t hide the fact that they roam freely over your body now.

“God, I’m glad you agreed to help me get with some other girl,” she says, her voice noticeably deeper now, and she easily pulls another laugh out of you. You shake your head at her and push her shoulder. She responds with a fond smile, and she lets her fingers dance down your arm before she reaches your hand, entwining your fingers with hers.

“Come on,” she says, leaning over to press an affectionate kiss to your cheek. “Let’s get out of here.”

#brie larson imagine #brie larson x reader #brie larson fic #captain marvel #captain marvel imagine #brie larson #fic #mine

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Light on me Ep 9&10

Well if this week hasn't been an up and down of emotions... I got all worked up in front of the screen and cried out of frustration. The writers sure know how to keep the excitement up and I still can't fully wrap my head around how realistic all these characters are. They all have flaws and it depends on how close they are to Tae-Gyeong or what side of themselves they are showing him in how dominating the bad habits are. It is visible this story is told from one perspective. All characters act in the way Tae-Gyeong expects from them or in the way he feels their vibe. Namgung is the funny but wholesome guy. This scene at the end showed him in different light, his loyal side. It truly is a hard job portrayinng a realistic world and characters acting as stupid and desperate as high school students do.

So-Hee

This week, we learn a lot about Da-On and his biggest flaw:

This man has no priorities and I'm on So-Hee's side when it comes to being hurt about it because I can relate to that very much. I had a friend once whom I just vibed with and I felt like I was a special friend to him, but then we didn't talk as much any more and it didn't bother him at all. My place was filled with someone else and I came to realise he treats everyone the same, tells the same amout of secrets. So no one is closer to him than the others and he's not just the way he is around you, he shows everyone the same side. I was really hurt by that, so I can feel So-Hee's point and why that hurts. It gives you the feeling of not mattering enough. But that's only as far as I can go because the other stuff she does is really respectless and disgusting.

In the end, she's just hung up on the idea of being with Da-On and waits for him constantly even though it's a lost hope. She doesn't move on and still pretends she's special to him even though she knows she isn't. She never was. But this lie she told herself became her own truth and that's why she's so very jealous of Tae-Gyeong and tries to join forces with Shin-Woo. But thankfully Namgung steps up and at least says something against her hysterically harsh words.

You think you know Da-On the most, but you don't know anything. You let your feelings get ahead of you and act like a child. What do you know?

But there's no more hope for So-Hee and she decides to do the btchmove by releasing that photo. I'm not gonna talk much about it because I'm already getting mad again. In what worl is a forced outing fair?!

Namgung

There's not much to say about Namgung. Only that he loves food, is funny and probably quotes every possible source that gave love advice. He's charming and seems pretty harmless until he talks to So-Hee. His voice suddenly turns calm and deep. He has a very accusatory look on his face and his eyes widen a bit when So-Hee asks him if he's gay. I don't even think he's gay. He just got really defensive and was done with her at that moment because of the way she says it, I guess. She pronounces it in a very harsh and unfair manner. It sounds like an insult which is just crossing a line. And Namgung thankfully made clear she did.

Da-On

Da-On is a very complicated and closeted character. He never opens up to anyone but you can see he tries sometimes but not enough. You have to lur information out of him and even then, you don't get a real answer. It's mainly why I think he will end up alone in the end. He's not ready to open up yet because he doesn't even see in what way his behavior hurts others.

He treats everyone the same, lets them interrupt moments and seeks excuses in tasks. I don't really know why he does that to be honest. Why would he never prioritize his friends over other people? It doesn't add up to me. You could lie in the hospital and he would still leave because someone asked him to. It is very frustrating and instead of inviting others in, he pushes them away, keeps everyone at a distance he can manage but never learns about borders and signs. There are things you simply don't do with people who are not your friends plus you only adjust to a group as far as you can stay your true self. Denying and hiding is not what having friends means. Da-On constantly trying to adjust to people to seem as appealing, hurts Tae-Gyeong. It means Da-On doesn't wear his bracelet. It means Da-On takes his hand away. It means Da-On cares too much.

To be honest, I feel uncomfortable around Tae-Gyeog. He's too honest. I don't know how to treat him.

This was probably the most real Da-On has been in a very long time. I think Tae-Gyeong fascinates and intimidates him at the same time. Da-On has a lot of secrets, so he tried adjusting to Tae-Gyeong by telling him one but he finds it makes him feel uncomfortable but now he doesn't know how to pull away. He's not good at being honest but he gave Tae-Gyeong false hope.

Like I said, there are always borders. Da-On touches Tae-Gyeong a lot which Tae-Gyeong countes as physical contact in a romantic way because not much time passed since they met. It wasn't clear Da-On only tried to cover his uncomfortness. He is not honest. And why is that? Because of expectations. I meantioned the problem with Da-On and expectataions nearly every week now and it fits more and more. He's nice to everybody because they expect him to. That's why he will never change or will have a hard time changing for a person because he feels pressured to be what the others need him to be, feels like he needs to be there.

Shin-Woo

Shin-Woo is always so quiet and shy and calm but I truly laughed out of malicious joy when he talked So-Hee down. She wants to join forces with him, wants them both to manipulate Tae-Gyeong and Da-On in the way they want them to be and Shin-Woo just says something like "I decide when I give up" and just walks away. So-Hee doesn't know what to say and Shin-Woo just seems like a badass.

Now, I like Shin-Woo even more. He even gives Da-On advice and you can see he talks from his heart. The entire talk between Da-On and Shin-Woo was tense and I was on the tip of my toes waiting for them to build sentences.

After the advice, Shin-Woo kind of works as a wingman here. Da-On looks like "please stay, it's uncomfortable" and Shin-Woo's face is just like "no, I told you to be honest".

But yeah, he's the same grumpy person as before. Tae-Gyeong more and more discovers his good sides and since Tae-Gyeong doesn't know him because Shin-Woo is so quiet, he doesn't seem to have flaws, he's flawless in his eyes.

Tae-Gyeong

Tae-Gyeong really frustrated me this week, honestly. when he said:

And went down to the beach afterwards to talk to Shin-Woo, I had so much hope I'd get a confession from him. I thought he meant Shin-Woo because he was the one who didn't talk about feelings and all. Da-On said something about liking and then Tae-Gyeong says his feelings are one-sided? Sorry, but I didn't get it at that point. It makes sense later but that really urked me until he confessed to Da-On. Even that, I didn't like at all.

But I feel sorry for TAe-Gyeong. He waits and waits and nothing good comes with it. He realizes he has to move on. Da-On won't change for him. Da-On has to find the right person to change for and that one is not Tae-Gyeong. (it's not So-Hee either but who am I telling this)

In that episode, we have some sort of change in the storytelling. After that scene in the cafeteria, something about the atmosphere changes and I can't really name it. It's like we're back at the beginning. Tae-Gyeong was so caught up with Da-On, his perspective on other things changed and even lacked because he didn't pay attention any more. Now, he's trying to move on and spends time with Shin-Woo and the atmosphere changes. It's like his eyes opened to world again.

Conclusion

Let's see how the posted picture So-Hee released will play out. Probably not in a good way. Just like all forced outings. Everyone cares and I still don't know why they should. I hope So-Hee will leaarn her lesson because I can't bear her any longer...

But until that, here an example of Shin-Woo's love language:

Hurtiing/bumping into other people on purpose.

#light on me #this week was so interesting

[lollypopsx]

This is so random but i live with high functioning autism (asd), ocd and severe anxiety and i feel like sister Harry is so much like me🙃🥺 i’m curious to know, have you ever thought about her having autism? It’d fit with her personality haha

Anyway, i really like your writing about her, because i often, almost always, felt like other writers (i won’t name names) who took the subject of mental health didn’t understand anything and the blurbs always ended up with the character being suddenly and magically healed… that’s so unrealistic.

The thing with the numbers and all the rituals is so true and that never stops (at least for me). It’s something (a voice) that’s always there and so annoying and exhausting.

All that being said, thank you so much for writing about that subject. I truly think it can raise awareness. 💕

Hi my little angel!

This isn't random at all and I am incredibly grateful for your message!

I did at the beginning toy with the idea of her being autistic, but I just felt like I wouldn't be able to do it enough justice because I don't fully understand what that can feel like.

Whereas, anxiety, depression and OCD is stuff that I can relate to and because it is part of my life, I have much more awareness of it, and I find it much easier to explain and portray this through writing.

I also worried a lot about causing offense, because that is the absolute last thing I would ever ever want to do, that's why I had a lot of questions privately with manifestrry about the OCD tics, because that isn't something I've ever experienced.

Also, I totally know what you mean, I have read a few pieces like that before where it talks about depression or anxiety, and then someone gives them a hug and everything is fine, and I can understand that people don't always want to make situations like that overly heavy, but I do find it can occasionally be unrealistic so I really just wanted to use my own voice!

I get a lot of intrusive thoughts and I agree, it can be so draining, or if I'm having a particularly 'stormy day' as I call it. And it is so difficult so I'm so glad that this can raise awareness, if any. I have been told from a couple of people how reading it made them feel like they were in that situation and they realised how lucky they were that they had never had that experience!

Also, I started writing Sister Styles mainly just to...almost put myself into a character with figures like Harry where I can just have a little world of having someone treat me and help me the way that I feel like I'd need. And it doesn't make me feel so isolated when I get messages saying that it's relatable to others.

If we can get through this, we can get through anything❤️

#lollypopsx #ask #anon #brother harry #sister styles #brother!harry #harry styles #harry styles imagine

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self Evaluation

Thank you for the tag @louandhazaf!!! I’m honestly clutching my chest that you tagged me, so thank you xxx especially since i love this little self eval that i think @juliusschmidt came up with all those years ago and we just keep perpetuating it haha

this... is going to get long, though. since it asks me to list my works published this year and that is 24. so. here goes.

1. List of works published this year:

Swerve the Handshake (Nick/Louis)

Need So Much of You (Harry/Louis for @onedirectionbigbang)

You're A (Total) Distraction (girl!direction and hybrid Harry/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Always Keep You Next To Me (Greg/Louis for @wallsficfest)

With Your Hand In Mine (Nick/Louis for @wallsficfest)

Smells Like Omega Spirit (Harry/Louis for @1daboficfest)

If Only We Wish Hard Enough (Harry/Louis for @disneydirectionfest)

Political Pizza (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Talk the Night Through (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Wrinkles (Harry/Louis for @1000feelingsfics)

Would You Be My Girlfriend? (girl!direction Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Lately You've Been On My Mind (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

Don't Want It Any Other Way (Harry/Louis for @wordplayfics)

I'm Ready for the Worst (Greg/Louis for @louisandmenfest)

Loving You's the Antidote (Nick/Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Do You Know Who You Are? (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Don't You Call Him (What You Used To Call Me) (Harry/Louis for @finelineficfest)

Gone Too Long (From You) (Harry/Louis co-written with @fallinglikethis for @finelineficfest)

Just Me and the Stars Can Get Lonely (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

The Way You Bend the Rules (Niall/Rory McIlroy for @heartbreakweatherficfest)

And Then I Saw His Face (Harry/Louis for @1dtrickortreatfest)

I'mma Give You A Promotion (Nick/Louis)

What You Waiting For? (Nick/Harry for @1000feelingsfics)

(I'm Dreaming of a) One Night Inn (Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam, Niall/Shawn)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

every time i think about this question i’ve got a different answer, to be honest. i do think my I Go Down Blazing, Feeling Like I'm Going Crazy series is probably what i’m most proud of, though. as soon as i knew @runaway-train-works was going to be hosting the heartbreak weather fic fest, i knew i wanted to write dear patience, but as the idea grew and grew and more ideas solidified and i realized what the story was turning into, i realized it was so much more than i originally thought and i needed a second song to help me fully get a solid grasp on it. in the end, it was a hard duo of fics to write, mainly because i honestly don’t know much of anything about golf, i was still trying to create fully the way soulmates worked in the world, and there’s just not all that much about rory online to find, so i was winging it haha but i’m so incredibly happy with the world i made and the fics i wrote, even if i don’t know that they’ll ever get to like 200 hits or whatever hahaha i love them.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

uhhhhh you know looking at this list of fics i have, i’m actually proud of every single one for some reason and i don’t know if there’s any of them that i’d even label as “least proud”.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i hate this question and forget that it is on this list every year lollll let me see if i can find something i really like. okay i found one, it’s from my long grouis haha and i’m apologizing now for it being so long. you can skip ahead to the next question if you like, but i’m just incredibly proud of the banter and the way i wrote this section, PLUS those damn joggers actually happened because he posted a photo of himself wearing them in the shops on instagram and that inspired this entire thing so. enjoy. (i’ve italicized it and indented it to hopefully make it easier to skip it’s so long i’m so sorry)

“It’s safe for you to come back in here,” Louis called out as he closed his computer. 

“Thank goodness, I was getting so exhausted of hiding in your bedroom and snooping through all your shit,” Greg said as he walked out wearing a sheet mask and a pair of grey joggers that did nothing to hide what he was packing. 

Louis smirked and wanted to say something, but Greg kept going. 

“Did you know you have like five different deodorants in there?”

Louis threw his arm on the back of his couch and nodded. 

“Why?” Greg asked, throwing himself down onto the couch and placing his stupidly long legs on top of Louis’. “Who legitimately needs five different deodorants? Do they have different uses or something? Some were even women’s deodorants, so I wasn’t sure if they were your sisters’ or what. Oh, and I helped myself to one of your fancy toners. It had rosewater in it or something.”

“Well, for the deodorants I just like trying different scents and I switch them up based on my mood. And actually, the one I use most often is a women’s deodorant. It works great. Plus I smell fresh and clean like baby powder all day.” Louis shrugged. “And that wasn’t my toner. Dunno who left it. Just showed up one day and no one says it’s theirs, so I kept it. It’s quite nice, isn’t it? Lotts said it’s supposed to help even out the PH balance of my skin or some shit, but I’ll be fucked if I know what that actually means.”

“Oh, that does sound fancy,” Greg agreed, checking the time on his phone. “I’ve got five more minutes on this mask, don’t let me forget. Don’t want to leave it on so long it burns my skin off or summat.”

“Sure,” Louis said, laughing. “So are you actually wearing anything under these or are you just that excited to see me?”

“Eh?” Greg asked before looking down at his crotch. Of course, now he was sitting down it didn’t show anything. “What are you on about?”

“Stand back up and look in a mirror, mate,” Louis said, laughing. “You’re dick was trying to tell me hello a minute ago.”

“I didn’t tell it to do that,” Greg muttered as he shifted so he could stand back up again. He walked into Louis’ bedroom, and Louis could hear when he’d seen himself. “Oh my God, that’s obscene! Does it always look like that when I wear these?”

Louis laughed and walked into his bedroom to see Greg’s eyes wide as he shifted himself around and walked a bit, appalled that no matter what he did, nothing seemed to make it any less there. 

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen you in those. You usually nick a pair of mine,” Louis reminded him. “Do you wear them without pants often?”

“I never wear pants with these,” Greg said, rubbing his forehead. “Fuck, I’ve likely given that nan that lives below me too many looks at my cock without even realising it. They’re my softest, most favorite pair of joggers! I wear them to the shops when I’m too knackered to get fully dressed!”

As Greg continued to narrate the various escapades he’d had over the years in the joggers without even realising what he’d been doing, Louis settled onto his bed, propping himself up on his elbow so he could still watch Greg as he motioned about in distress.

When it was clear Greg wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon, Louis pulled out his phone and started filming. There was no one he could share this with, but it would be good for a laugh later on.

“Fuck, and you didn’t remind me to take off my mask!” Greg cried, rushing back into the bathroom to remove the sheet mask and do whatever else he had to do when he used them. 

Greg was proper obsessed with them, said they were relaxing and kept his skin soft. Louis just liked knowing they were one of Greg’s things, like taking regular baths with a bottle of wine and perusing various adoption websites for dogs he could possibly give a good home to.

“Sorry, love,” Louis said, as Greg walked back out of the bathroom. He really was sorry, but he also couldn’t pass up the opportunity to keep taking the piss. Greg was too much fun to rile up. “Was distracted by your big dick flopping about whilst you remembered all the good times you’d had in the joggers.”

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

i’ve had a few this year that told me they don’t usually read that pairing or they don’t usually comment on fics, but for various reasons they gave the pairing a try or wanted to comment because of something specific and those were particularly lovely. that said, every comment is so so great, they really do boost me up to see them and i need to do better with getting my anxiety in hand and responding to them regularly.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

this entire damn year, man. all of the time i’d carefully carved out for myself over the past few years to write was basically blown to shit with the pandemic, which also was so exhausting it didn’t leave me with much energy to write. but i still somehow posted 24 fics?? i dunno, dude. i think writing saved me and gave me something to look forward to, tbh.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

most of my advent fic, tbh lollll a lot that was in there wasn’t really brainstormed ahead of time, it just happened, and i forgot some of the details even because i just flat out didn’t remember what i’d put in there, so i’m STILL surprised haha i love when fics happen like that

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i always think of challenges as fun and then i look back and wonder if i was insane because i thought it would be fun to try something new but it was mostly really fucking hard haha i wrote a lot of pairings and combinations of tropes this year that i never have before as well as stretching myself with writing emotions and situations i never have before, so i’m quite proud of myself for continuing to push the envelope and try new things like that.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i mostly hope that i’ll be able to carve more time out for myself as things HOPEFULLY settle down a bit more. i might not be as impulsive when it comes to choosing things to write at that point, but we’ll see. lol

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i... hmm. there’s a lot of people i’m thinking of right now, but it’s hard to choose just one. i think actually there were two and they were @louandhazaf and @disgruntledkittenface. i very much admire both of them for their own writing and works, but i am particularly inspired by how many pairings they write and the variety of fics they have posted. it’s definitely because of them that i’ve tried writing a lot of the pairings that i have, and that’s before you even start to look at the help they’ve given me with betaing certain fics (usually rare pairs lollll). they’re just both so supportive and open to so many things, and i am so much more open to all sorts of things because of them. i CANNOT answer this without mentioning the Write Your Way Out GC either, though. Y’all are my crew in SO many ways and you let me rely on you in every way through this past year. it really does take a village, doesn’t it?

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

lmao i’m sure. but all i’m thinking of at the moment are the tumblr posts and canon compliant shit i based the fics on, so nothing off the top of my head apparently haha

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

hell if i know. maybe just... write for yourself. i think that’s why i’m so proud of every fic i wrote this year. i really was writing for me and if others like it too? bonus. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

my big bang!!! that’s the big one. i’m so excited for it. i have a whole list of other fics, too, though. hahaha i’m also super SUPER excited for both of my omega harry fics to post hehe 

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@becomeawendybird @sadaveniren @londonfoginacup

*All answers should be about works published in 2020. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

#mine #2020 writing meme #self eval #writing self eval #writing stuff

[insfiringyou]

BTW, I'm leaf anon. You guys do not have to respond to me as I know I sent an overwhelming amount of asks since I had a lot of feelings. Due to character limit, I had to really cut down my words. Please just post that you guys read my asks if you guys don't want to answer me. I would love to hear your guys' opinions but I know mine is an hefty amount and know that you guys are busy with your lives and writing.

First of all, thanks so much for writing us such a long, detailed message. It's not a bother at all and we love reading what other people have to say.

The scenario you were talking about, the 'You feel insecure about your body' post, as you say was written in 2018 and was one of the earlier ones we had written which is why we decided to not keep it headcanon - mainly because all of the OC girlfriends hadn't been fully realised by this point. In fact, to begin with we weren't even sure we were going to write our fics in a storyline type way. But I still think some scenarios have elements of some of the girls in them (RM, Jin, JK and Jimin's are perhaps easier to imagine with our OCs) while others less so. For example, Nana wouldn't be overly concerned about having a 'muffin top' (and is naturally the thinnest of the girlfriends anyway), and Jeong-sun isn't insecure about her body around Yoongi. She actually might have been under different circumstances (she DID mention how she was 'still working on (her) summer body' in the first date fic, which implies some insecurity there), but I think the fact he saw her body in a sexual way so early on in their 'relationship', and she saw how unbothered he was by it (and that he actively found her really sexy) sort of banished those fears quite early on.

But yeah, it's fun to see some scenarios that are not headcanon or (more accurately to how we feel) just with other women. We actually love the headcanon scenarios where we show their past relationships, or where the boys have different sexual or romantic encounters because they are no longer with their headcanon gf. It's really fun to see the subtle differences, but how fundamentally they are still the same person.

In terms of the boys' reactions in the fic you mentioned, while it's still fundamentally how we see them, I think if we were to do a headcanon version of this fic, some of them might react slightly differently. Part of this is simply the fact that in 2018 when we wrote it, we think our vision of some of them was less mature as it is now. The boys would have only been in their early/mid 20s while we were writing scenarios now which imagine several of the boys as 30+.

It would be interesting - but I think the girls' various insecurities are shown in more subtle ways throughout the headcanon fics, so we don't necessarily need to write a fic where we are pointing them out in a really obvious way.

As for you enjoying our dialogue, that means a lot because we consider ourselves primarily 'dialogue' writers, as in that's what we start with and enjoy the most! It's a huge compliment, so thank you! :)

#bts #bts x oc #bts x reader #bts x you #bts girlfriend #bts girlfriends #bts girlfriend oc

[whostarlockeda03]

Mexico and Guatemala for the writer ask meme?

Hello my dear! I may or may not have lost that ask meme for a while, but after a scary amount of scrolling, I've found it! Woo!

Mexico: What is your favourite genre to read?

Oooh oh but there's so many!

But now that I think on it more, it's fantasy, I guess.

I mean I read a lot of stuff, but almost all my favourites are stories that aren't set in our world. Or if they are, then there's secret, hidden magic/supernatural elements to our world.

I'll read dystopia type stuff, or stuff that has a cute, happy ending, and pretty much everything in between, but I just like books that take me somewhere new.

(Whole reason I got into ffxv - not because I like gaming, but because the story is good. I love the story. I can't get behind games that is just 'complete a task for the sake of it', whether the task is weeding your garden in Animal Crossing or shooting people in like, Call of Duty type games. The one exception to that is Untitled Goose Game. But c'mon. It's Untitled Goose Game.)

I guess the only other criteria is a lil' bit of angst, and unpredicatability. There's gotta be a certain amount of suspense in stories for me. Keep me guessing! Not that I'm saying I like to guess right. Okay, no, I do, but I don't like guessing it straight away?

Idk, there's just a nice amount of suspense that I enjoy, when I've had three million theories running around my brain and then just a bit before the reveal it clicks and I'm like "Oh! Of course! How didn't I see that?!"

I love those moments!

Not such a fan of plots that you can guess from like two chapters in.

Anyway, heh, that got off-topic a little ooooopps. Onto the next question

Guatemala: Do you prefer writing one-offs or series?

Now this is an interesting one.

Technically, one-offs, since I never ever ever actually plan out an entire series. That being said, I often inadvertently write series, mainly because I'll plan yet another one-off and go 'hmmm, this actually fits really well as a follow-on. OH and if I add it it makes this moment all the more angsty!'

(Yeah, nine out of ten times angst potential is my main motivator XD)

Honestly, hats off to anyone who can actually see all those little links and stuff ahead of time, I don't notice mine 'til it's staring me in the face.

Perfect case in point is my Cor series I Will Be.

Don't You Worry Child was meant to be a one-off story, and it was only when a friend read it through for me that I realised I had constructed this backstory for Cor and lightly referenced it or let it influence Cor's actions and stuff in DYWC, and I had explained none of it to my reader!

So I had to write Winter Only Brings the Dark, but it felt too long to span all the things it needed to, so then I had to write Stuck in the Middle With You, and there's still a whole bunch of road-trip shenanigans I'm writing for that series so that Cor's actions fully make sense.

and I will more than likely end up having to edit DYWC as well

#writing asks #ask me questions #ask game #ask answered #Garbria ask #Garbria #WhoStarLocked answers #ask me anything #answered ask #ask me things #feel free to ask #i will answer #ffxv #my fanfic writing #my fanfic stuff #link to ao3 #cor leonis #young cor leonis #young!cor #young cor #regis lucis caelum #clarus amiticia #cid sophiar #weskham armaugh

[spookybias]

(same anon that sent the previous long ask)

I just want to clarify that i don't necessarily think shorter fics are bad, also I don't think that they always have terrible pacing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I just find that these days when I'm looking for a fic to read and it's max 1.5K words, I would read it but feel a little disappointed— maybe it's just me looking to get lost in the story for a while longer but that's ultimately how I feel. And also, I guess the length you're used to depends on from what fandom you came and when you started reading, because yes, for many years * my * fanfic experiences were 50+k words per fic (a lot of the trending fics were this long and obviously made the mold for the rest of the people who were starting out, so now I'm just used to bulky pieces of fanfic y'know?) although I'm not much older than you

I realise this is now completely off topic to your original post 🤣 I'm a content creator myself and I just plainly don't know how to get people to engage more with a creator anymore... I talk about this issue almost every day on my own blog but no one ever listens... I sometimes have people scroll through my whole blog and not reblog 1 thing and I've also had the experience of having one of my posts have not just an uneven like to reblog ratio but have 3 times the likes compared to reblogs, which is honestly just frustrating at this point...

Sorry if you didn't mean to have a whole discussion on this 😆 I just always have a lot to say it seems

oh no worries! it's okay. even if i don't have much to say, i still like hearing what's on other people's minds. i don't mind having this discussion at all. plus, i think i too strayed away from the topic lmao i feel bad, though, 'cause i think you sent this hours ago and i hadn't checked my askbox.

i agree with you. i don't think shorter stuff are bad at all, sometimes things just feel rushed. i'll admit, sometimes when i'm reading a fic that i find really entertaining and i see that it's less than 4k i get a little disappointed. i love the longer stuff because there's so much plot to take in. in fact, most of my favorite writers on here write 10k+. and 50k?? gosh. i lowkey wanna try writing something that long now 🤣

i think i've brought up the issue of uneven likes to reblogs ratios a couple of times, and so have a few friends, but we were ignored even after people spread the posts around. the only explanation at this point that i can possibly drum for as to why people just like and not reblog is that if you reblog too many things in one day tumblr might shadowban the blog or stop the tags from working for a handful of days to a handful of weeks. i've witness it happen to a few people on here and i think it's dumb that tumblr has this whole reblog feature, but if you reblog "too much" you get penalized in a way 😭 that situation is the reason why a lot of us have separate blogs to reblog other people's works or just queue the reblogs to avoid being mistaken for a bot or something. i guess people don't really want to have to make a separate blog or queue the reblogs, and no one is obligated to of course, but... it would be nice. more reblogs mean more exposure. and it's sad because when content creators see less reblogs or interactions in general, they sometimes become discouraged. there has been several times on here where i looked at the number of reblogs on my or my mutuals' bulleted reactions compared to the number of reblogs on my fully written oneshots, or i saw my mutuals who mainly write shorter stuff with like 12 anons engaging in conversation and i wanted to deactivate highkey 🤦🏻‍♀️

sometimes it does become a jealousy thing or just a disappointment to us because we know readers/viewers pick and choose who to interact with, and they usually (from my perspective) pick those who either write smut or write bulleted stuff. for the longest now i've kept my feelings about this bottled in, but i no longer care 😂 it's upsetting.

—

#✩⡱ genny answers

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

#asks #effie watches hdm #sorry it took me a while and sorry for the gigantic critique #but i wanted to be honest about my take on the show so far #Anonymous