#and I can only assume that coming from a free country in the modern world

[basuralindo]

So I was asked to expand on the whole Jamil having a trauma response to Leona comment on my last post, aaand here's that.

(This pertains to chapter 6 btw, so spoiler warning)

(also it's very much sleep deprived rambling so sorry if it's, well, rambly)

First off, I'm operating under the assumption that he has cPTSD. Jamil has clearly been programmed since birth to always obey the Asims and act in their best interests, even at the expense of his own life. This is a boy who has been forced to eat poison to protect them and their assets, who's family was forced to let that happen, and who has been so desperate his entire life to escape that situation that he was willing to resort to murder and doom not just himself but his whole family which he is implied to care about. Which means if simply quitting was an option, he would have done so. So, you kinda have to infer that he and his family don't have a choice in this role, and there are severe enough consequences for disobedience that fucking up or refusing is a worse option than risking a slow painful death every time Kalim wants to eat something. And this is all stuff that's been depicted blatantly in canon, not even touching on the assumptions that could be made from there.

So that's the position Jamil is in. That is a traumatic situation. This is a guy who has been groomed for servitude and obedience since he was old enough to talk. These kinds of circumstances absolutely can lead someone to be triggered into subservience or other trained behaviors. That's just, a thing with trauma.

Now, with the Asims being one of if not THE most powerful merchant families in their country, one of the expectations of Jamil as their servant and especially as the attendant to their heir is to ensure good relationships with other rich and powerful families, especially royalty. This was shown in the fireworks event, where he states that as a prince, if Malleus came to any harm under his watch while a guest of the Asims, it could start an international conflict. These are incredibly high stakes, a misstep on Jamil's part could ruin the Asim family and potentially even endanger his country, and it's pretty strongly implied that he and his family would take the blame and suffer the consequences. Now, much like how wearing a company logo while at work makes your actions representative of your employer, Jamil serving the Asims 24/7 (and especially as the chaperone of their heir) means that he is representing their family At All Times. This is why he is forced to defer to Kalim in all aspects of life even outside of their country, part of his job is to make his employers look good, and there are consequences for not doing so. This means that anyone of high enough status to be significant to the Asims is someone who Jamil is required to be subordinate to.

Then, enter Leona. As a wealthy prince, he would be someone who Jamil is expected maintain good relations with at any cost to himself. With his position Leona could literally destroy Jamil's (and probably his family's) entire life with a single complaint to the Asims about his conduct. Like, he could do that with no actual cause just for fun, because the Asims are 100% going to take the side of a prince over an expendable servant. This means that one misstep or any backtalk from Jamil puts him at massive risk, it is entirely up to Leona whether or not he suffers for any of these actions, and while the audience knows Leona's personal morals would prevent him from actually doing that, Jamil does not.

THEREFORE (sorry this ended up so long), once Jamil was in a life threatening situation with Leona, it seems likely that all this programming and fear would manifest in desperately trying to protect him and follow orders the way he's always done for Kalim. To me, the way he snapped into bodyguard mode, and immediately complied with every one of Leona's bitchy commands (like giving him a hair ornament to throw away without question, and barely saying anything about it after), even while being humiliated and knowing he was less trained in magic, just comes off more like a trigger response than anything. Especially because I can't imagine that situation not being triggering, and I can't imagine him knowing any other way to respond.

#jamil viper #leona kingscholar #jamil ptsd analysis #twst #this is also why I got so pissed about leona's behavior in that chapter #like I do genuinely like his character. he's one of my favorites and I get where he was coming from #but boy was being ignorant as all fuck #like jamil is so heavily implied to be an indentured servant #and leona could probably buy his whole family #there's no version of 'i know what it's like to feel overlooked. suck it up and work with what you've got' advice #that could benefit Jamil from this guy #because changing your attitude and putting in the work doesn't free you from a situation like that #and I can only assume that coming from a free country in the modern world #Leona just hasn't considered that Jamil would BE in a situation like that. it's not exactly normal #and this is the guy so out of touch he thought Ruggie's home was a doghouse. so I mean. giving him the benefit of the doubt on this #but goddamn was that out of touch. and I just hate how they wrote the conclusion between them #not the intended subject when i wrote this. but tagging it as #leojami #for the small steps crowd in case they get curious about what else i have to say on them?? #i feel like some of the thoughts from this post are gonna be playing into the story

[effervescentdragon]

buckle up, because I’m about to go off. So i posted this take this morning, because I was thinking about F1 fandom’s habit and hipocrisy of criticising “third-world” or “middle-eastern” countries about their breach of human rights (no matter how much i personally think most of it is performative, pat-myself-on-the-back-for-being-a-good-human kinda “activism”), while nobody is saying anything about F1 racing in Miami, Florida, which is currently literally one of the worst places to live. to which, as is usual on good ol’ tumblr, i got this ask

i blocked the anon, obviously, but to borrow dear friends’ words “this ask is so american, all it needs is an eagle, a gun, unaffordable healthcare and perhaps a burger”. HOWEVER. i can’t stay silent. i choose violence (metaphorical) these days. my first thought was to reply with “i’d check my privilege but im too busy being able to check my bloodwork with my free healthcare”, which may be a bit tone-deaf and mean. so i outsorced this ask to certain friends (including a full-blooded american and a person from the middle east), and here is a series of screenshots of their responses, because they are wonderful and smart and more verbose than i was this morning, with only one coffee in my blood and irritation level of +billion. their opinions also kind of matter more than my own, because these are their lived experiences. 

now. as i said, and as you can see, these are the lived experiences of my friends, and are therefore also subjective at their core. so lets look at some facts. 

“florida is in the usa, a free, democratic, modern, developed country where protection of human rights is enforced”, i believe you said? ALLRIGHT:

- a bill that passed in florida 10 days ago that allows judges to alter custody agreements if they think one parent might allow gender affirming care

- florida abortion ban after 6 weeks, with no exceptions for rape or incest after 15 weeks 

- a transgender sports ban in florida that allows genital inspection of minors, aka children (thank you @lauda4theback​ for finding these links for me)

- USA’s position in the Democratic Index;

- tumblr post with sources made around four days ago with details about just some of the gun violence happening in the US currently;

- BBC article about 160 mass shootings that had happened in 2023 up until April 16th and data from gun-violence archive (which, correct me if im wrong, is singularily an american thing);

- Anti-Trans Bill tracker no 1 and no 2 in the US, which, you know, implies violation of basic human rights;

- banning of books in the us to cripple education and avoid taking responsibility and acknowledging already existing and rampantly rising levels of racism, homophobia, transphobia, and generally what you all like to call “traditional (christian) values” and the rest of the world likes to call “blatant right-wing fascism” - here’s florida specifically (god i hate nyt); 

these are just some of the FACTS about the united states, and they very much speak for themselves. i couldve found a million more sources, but, honestly, i dont feel like waddling through more of the mud that is this country’s awful politics and policies. 

now its time for my opinion. im assuming youre american, because if youre not, thats just... i have no words, then. you can come in here spouting absolute fucking brainwashing propaganda your country does to you on a regular basis, but dont expect me to have to listen to it, and do anything other than laugh derisively. your-us centrism is tiring, scary, and insane, because your country, to me, is little more than a glorified cult. it’s dangerous to the rest of the world for many reasons, not the least the way it permeates every sphere of our public life and pushes american fucking propaganda upon all of us, whether we want it or not, and its absurd and awful fucking military, which i would like to see razed to the ground immediately, but i pity you, anon, for being so absolutely lacking in critical thinking that you actually believe this bullshit that you are spewing. i was trying to criticise our fandom’s way of expressing outrage when it comes to non-western, whatever the fuck that means, countries while simultanously not speaking about or even acknoledging the fact that rapid erosion of democracy in the us has all the markings of the same “dictatorial” regimes we like to be enraged over when it comes to racing in bahrain or jeddah or abu dhabi, except the usa is not being held hostage by a single autocratic dictator but with the republican party which controls the government institutions. that is sometimes the only difference i can see.

i wont speak about human rights in the middle east, because i am not middle-eastern. there’s people who can add their opinions here, and i invite them to do so. i also invite anyone to tell me if i got something wrong, used a wrong source, or said anything that i need to re-check or do more research on. but the bottom line is: for you to take my LEGIT criticism and get offended on behalf of the fucking US instead, well. that says a lot about you and your priorities, doesn’t it?

#rant fucking over #i did go a bit ad hominem there but whatever #im not even getting into the accusation i dont know what kind of atrocities are happening in the world #because its irrelevant here and also laughable #besties will know i guess xD #anways not tagging this with anything except #long post #effervescentdragonrants

[999-roses]

@niteshade925 :

Because sinophobia is now fused with political scapegoating. A very dangerous combination. Now that we are seeing deliberate genocide in Palestine, I do wonder how long it will be before the camps start opening for business again #:)#i mean internment camps were a thing. there is a precedent for this kind of bs.#sorry to op for taking it there#but I do think some things need to be said. before it's too late.

in all seriousness, while I don't want to completely dismiss internment as a future possibility, however, imo there are marked differences between modern-day aapi/sino diaspora landscape and previous forms of yellow peril, which would make a revival of some kind of internment project unlikely, at least on a large and public scale. (of course there's no telling for secret disappearances and/or trussing up the ol' sinophobic trope of spy accusations - which have in recent times prompted some reversal of brain drain at the very least)

between now and then was McCarthyism and widespread systemic project of anticommunism... like literally, the PRC wasn't even established yet when the last japanese internment camps were closed.

The form of assimilation we see today is the project of "diversity & inclusion" - in the American project. In similar hypocrisy as idealizing "free speech" (in which only acceptable speech is tolerated in narrow parameters regardless of factuality), inclusion is predicated on alignment to US American interests. The diaspora (not just Chinese) who openly denounce and make a show of "I left my home country because it was communist which is bad" get platformed in mainstream media. I can't remember the last time I heard of anyone who says "I love my motherland [not the US]" spread in mainstream media (or films propped up and lauded in the west), it's completely unheard of. Films made in China that remotely have a message of national pride get smeared as "propaganda" (laughs in Top Gun & other DoD hollywood), and often do not receive screenings in the US. This is essentially a requirement now in order to assimilate into the predominant US culture. As an Asian diaspora you can opt out of "yellow peril" by denouncing it yourself, thereby aiding in legitimizing "yellow peril" as a real threat to "real Americans" or capitalism or whatever. (This isn't to say it won't bite people in the butt, but by and large, the victims of hate crimes are marginalized folk like elderly or [assumed] sex workers, and not the ones who make a show to be anti-China/pro-USA who are more likely to come from backgrounds of relative privilege.)

the american empire wouldn't need internment camps anymore, in fact it would be detrimental to their optics and mythos (from "land of opportunity" to "melting pot"). over 70 years of effort put into converting would-be sympathizers of communist kinsmen into staunch supporters of liberal democracy - a different type of cage if you ask me - wasted

borrowing from from "Can the Chinese Diaspora Speak?" (recommend checking out the whole article wrt overseas chinese history btw) ::

In an era of renewed Cold War aggression towards China, historicizing the workings of multicultural empire and the strategic inclusion of the Chinese diaspora therein reveals the justifying discourses of U.S. imperialism. ... By the mid–1950s, the State Department and CIA had both identified the overseas Chinese as a strategic target for psychological warfare and anticommunist propaganda. .... Identifying the “critical importance” of overseas Chinese to U.S. Cold War efforts, ethnic Chinese in the United States were mobilized to produce and disseminate testimonials of U.S. exceptionalism to encourage Chinese diasporic allegiance to their host countries and not “Red China.” For instance, the USIA launched a popular Chinese-language magazine called Free World Chinese, which featured success stories of Chinese and other Asians in the United States as evidence of free world liberal exceptionalism. ... In differentiating “friends and enemies,” Cold War Chinese American inclusion was premised on a binary between “model minority” anticommunist allies and “yellow peril” communist sympathizers. While Cold War racial liberalism afforded new opportunities for civil inclusion for Chinese Americans willing to embrace the legitimizing fictions of U.S. imperialism, it also created conditions for state-sanctioned anticommunist repression for those alleged to have the wrong international sympathies.

#i realized i should probably just make my own post about this instead of appending to op's thread (wrt 'cute'!=chinese etc) #sinophobia #chen yells at clouds. more at 10

[sweetfirebird]

I have a messy rant about some historical docs that I needed to get out. It's incomplete and not well-written, but, yeah, I had to get it out of my head. So it's going behind a cut. Free free to ignore it.

It's amazing how many documentaries about notorious historical figures will do their best to avoid any thought or commentary about the systems these people lived in (and sometimes ruled over). They might do a passing mention of something terrible in the person's childhood or something. But it's only ever in passing and it's not even a guarantee that it will get mentioned at all. (Maybe it's the shitty documentaries and I need some better books on the subjects.)

And I am not excusing any of the things these people did if they did do them. It's just incredible to me, though I shouldn't be surprised because we don't even really do this now for our current notorious figures.

As one example, though, I've watched/listened to a lot of things about Richard III and not one has really gone into any depth about the warring all throughout his formative years or how that was pretty normal? for the ruling class of that time and place? His brother had his other brother executed (for reasons but nonetheless he did it). His brother also (more than likely) had the previous king murdered. This was the procedure. This is a system that encouraged this and allowed this--as long as you held the throne once you had it and gave your supporters their cash money and honors.

Is (allegedly) killing your tween nephews bad? Yeah obviously but it also... is the logical outcome of that system. It was as close to perfectly normal as a system that allows taking leadership of a country by force and bloodline can be. He just failed at holding the throne but he wasn't like... unusual.

But they don't want to talk about that because, I assume, it sort of reflects badly on the entire still going monarchy business. (And yeah yeah Tudor propaganda but I'm not talking about that right now. I'm talking about the lens with which we are examining these people now.) Probably no one wants to talk about that but my annoying nerdy ass, i know.

Or, okay. Let's say you have people accused of Bad Things ranging from general debauchery and reckless behavior to... possible devil worship... to serial killing with a frankly ridiculous number of victims. Or let's say you are discussing a few cases of "mad" kings. Or de Sade or someone like him. If you set aside the validity of many of the charges against these people (it's easy to accuse someone who is already behaving badly of behaving VERY badly in order to get what you want) and acknowledge the difficulty of diagnosing anyone hundreds or thousands of years later, you have... people being punished for being, like, too obviously the logical outcome of their time and place and then failing instead of succeeding. That's it. These monsters (to us) could only exist in those places. They are products of those places. But these specials never go into that. They just popped up out of nowhere! Amazing! A mystery!

Like, these people were just embarrassingly too much of the thing they were supposed to be and it was making the rest of those in their stations look bad, which set their peers against them and made them easy targets (for land grabs or whatever).

Or when they did succeed (while being horrible), the docs try to excuse it, and maybe this is why you get modern historians trying desperately to say that Henry VIII must have had a head injury or madness from syphilis to explain his behavior and not just....

he was never told no, guys. No one ever told him no. There was no way TO tell him no (if you wanted to keep your head). Henry is what happens when you do that. Henry is what happens when the world says women do not really have value outside of childbirth and fucking anyway. Henry is what happens when you say kings are divine--and he's also what happens when you come from a violent class and culture and you've recently had a long civil war that killed off most of the other possible claimants to the throne so there is no one to really oppose or stand up to you.

Or the slutty slutty drunken Earl of Rochester having no known childhood behavioral problems being carted off to school at thirteen and then suddenly becoming reckless and violent and lecherous? I wonder if the set up for abuse of all kinds at those schools had anything to do with that, and then also the general world for noble men of that time which allowed them to do whatever they wanted, particularly with (lower class) women with little to no repercussions. hmm a mystery where he came from.

He's not actually that unusual, he just wrote slutty slutty poems about it so he gets remembered. There were tons of dudes like him who probably did worse. They just also did enough of the things they were supposed to do that no one cared about the rest. He's not really an outlier. He is representative of the time and place.

These are ruling class people, and it's Europe, so there is also the Church to consider in all of these things, like, intricately tied up with the misogyny and classism and everything else is the Church. It is also a thing with beliefs that these docs do not want to get into. And I'm not going to go into it either right now. It's just a pattern I've noticed and it's irking me.

Heroes and horrors are created by their times. I mean... no. NO. I'm going to stop there before this gets any longer or more rambly. They still do this now, I know. But I guess I expect historians to have the distance to really look.

But as I said, maybe I just need to watch better docs.

... You can see now where Larin came from though, I bet.

#taji from beyond the rings #history nerd ranting

[mariacallous]

On May 31, after three rounds of voting, members of the Latvian Saeima (Parliament) elected Edgars Rinkēvičs, who has been the Minister of Foreign Affairs since 2011, as the country’s new president. He will assume his new position on July 8. Rinkēvičs is only the second openly LGBTQ+ person in the world to hold the post of head of state (which has never happened in any of the countries that were previously part of the USSR). Rinkēvičs was also one of the most popular politicians in the Baltic states in the most recent parliamentary elections, finishing ahead of Prime Minister Krišjānis Kariņš. Meduza has collected Rinkēvičs statements across the years – about being a member of the LGBTQ+ community, Latvia, the situation for Russian speakers, Russia, and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.

On being part of the LGBTQ+ community

“Our country needs to create a legal framework for partnerships of all kinds. I will fight for that. I know it’s going to be mega-hysteria, but #Proudtobegay.”

“I proudly announce I’am gay… Good luck all of you…”

Rinkēvičs wrote the two tweets above in November 2014, publicly coming out. At the time, he had already been head of the Latvian Foreign Ministry for three years. Rinkēvičs is the first politician in the country’s history to be openly gay. Seven years later Rinkēvičs said in an interview that coming out was one of the “hardest decisions” of his life.

“Today is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia (this tweet was published on May 17, 2021 – a note from Meduza). We [Latvia] still have a lot to do to build a country and society free of intolerance and with an appropriate legal framework 🏳️‍🌈”

On Russia, the invasion of Ukraine, and relations between Russia and Latvia

“Today Russia celebrates Russia Day (tweet published on June 12, 2022 –a note from Meduza), I wish Russia defeat in its aggressive war against Ukraine, the abandonment of its imperial ambitions, and that it build a modern, democratic, and law-based state.”

“A year ago Russia started full scale war against Ukraine, many doubted if Ukrainians would withstand. They did, their moral victory is great. Today many ask, if Ukraine can win militarily. The answer is yes and we must send more weapons, more help. Ruzzia delenda est”

“Russia makes no secret of what it sees as a conflict not only with Ukraine, but with the West as a whole. Under these conditions the main objectives of Latvian foreign policy – ensuring the country’s independence, sustainable security, and the well-being of society – become even more important. <…> It is in Latvia’s strategic interest to achieve Russia’s defeat in the war against Ukraine, and to restore Ukraine’s territorial integrity within its internationally recognized borders.”

About the people of Latvia and the Russian language

“We won’t get anywhere through repressive measures alone, so we have to talk, fight, visit schools and neighborhoods, talk to people whose native language is Latvian, or other languages, explain our country’s policies, and call for unity. <…> Dialogue, conversation, maximum positivity for to how to present the values of the Latvian state, how to address people who are confused in one way or another or who have not decided whom they belong to – the Russian world or European Latvia.”

“If the need arises and I see that this is the best option, I will speak in Russian. <…> Latvian is the main language. But you know, sometimes when I hear the cry of Atkrievisko Latviju! (derussify Latvia), I’d say it differently: Latvisko Latviju (Make Latvia Latvian). And there is a slightly different, more positive connotation.”

On freedom of speech, Russian journalists, and the situation with TV Rain’s license

“Even in conditions of hybrid warfare, freedom of speech and independent media are necessary.”

“As #Russia closes independent media and introduces complete censorship, I reiterate Latvia’s readiness to host persecuted Russian journalists and help them in any way we can. Russian public in Russia and around the world must receive truthful and objective information”

“I now believe that Russian society should have access to depropagandized information. The fact that TV Rain started working for us in the summer was a justified decision, but in military circumstances the conditions are clear: if the principles of being a guest are not respected, then this media has no business being here.”

Bonus: on Latvia’s presidential elections and Latvia’s Ice Hockey World Championship bronze medal

“What elections… Hockey.”

[lhvcclubfraud]

Lifestyle Luxury Vacation Club/ Hilton Habtoor City Scam Alert

This is not technically a scam, but the act of trying to make you sign an actual contract (under UAE law) in which you will get scammed/robbed/fleeced in every possible way. This is the reason why they still have managed to keep it going. Secondly, they are targeting Western tourists exclusively, who wont have the time/resources to fight legally in the UAE. Thirdly, they seem to have the full cooperation of the interests running the Hilton in Al Habtoor City. Now the Habtoors are rich people and you may wonder why they would allow their premises and their names being used in the scam rather than leaving it to some Lebanese/Egyptian habibis. Maybe they are facing hard times. Or maybe their just being drunkenly negligent. Or maybe they do this sort of thing. They love doing business with Israel and even rushed to open an office there when ties normalized. Currently they are pushing EVs which makes no sense (UAE is a fossil fuel economy duh…..or maybe they dislike the fossil fuel industry which gave birth to the modern UAE). Whether or not thet are Jewish is matter of opinion. Their scams reek of something non-Emiraati. Also, these folks are literally drenched in booze (Even rotten Muslims tend to be more discreet about booze).

First you arrive in Dubai airport and notice a legit looking Vacation Club called Lifestyle Luxury Vacations wanting to give you some offers and get your contact info. But look closely, they are only approaching travellers who look loaded and they confirm that you have citizenship of some Western country.

Next, they send a taxi to a free lunch at at the Hilton at Al Habtoor city and a promised free marine cruise (The three buildings including the Hilton are run by the Habtoor family). You assume that you may get to see some good vacation/travel options, but no, they want to talk to you one-on-one. They first confirm that you are intend a Western citizenship holder and not some Third world jumper. This is the point where I got spooked.

The idea behind getting you on the 39th floor of the Hilton is to wow you. These couldnt be some Lebanese/Egyptian habibis. The Habtoors have all the money in the world, you must be grateful for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity yada yada.

You notice they have also called in other travellers who also get the one-on-one treatment. The person talking is usually a Lebanese Habibi. His "manager" is a creepy Haitian who looks like a pimp. And his higher ups appear to be either Egyptians or Emiraatis. There is no lunch. Just a snack.

They are trying to sell you an RCI membership for approximately $10000 USD. On the RCI website, a one year subscription is for $159 USD. But they never use the name RCI. I figured out after noting the website the salesman was logging into.

But thats not all. This is supposed to be an exclusive once-in-a-lifetime offer from Al-Habtoor himself. Some of the additional benefits are described here. There is definitely some kind of connection to the Dominican Republic (so thats where the Haitian comes into the picture). But remember, the aforementioned link leaves out alot of what is promised, which is….

Complimentary stay at "5 Star" Al-Habtoor properties. Yes, they sell the scam as one being generously offered by Habtoor so that plebs can also experience his garish, boozy and distasteful hotels. Yes, they try to sell the package as a Habtoor package.

You get to experience being taxied in a Bentley which i assume runs smoother than a Camry.

You get vacations in the Dominican Republic even though you never intended to visit that godforsaken country in the first place.

You get discount on boozing (liver cirrhosis here I come).

No mention of prostitutes but I get the feeling they are on the menu.

They become more pressuring and insistent. You must sign the 100 page contract right now (Spoiler: it has to be signed in UAE to be legally enforceable…they cant let you walk away or sign it online later).

The more reluctant you get, the more the price drops. I managed to bring it to $1200 just for giggles.

You will also notice the salesman getting cagey. For example, I am allowed to glance at the 100 page contract only if I promise to sign it! I am not allowed to keep any brochures or even take photographs of it because it explicitly links the scam to the Habtoor properties. Their website on the other hand steers clear of the Habtoors but you will eventually find them lurking. For example they promise access to the cheesy La Perle Circus, which is on a Habtoor property. They promise access to the Andreaas Beach Club, which is again a Habtoor property. Lifestyle Luxury Vacation Club is itself on the 39th floor of the Hilton Al Habtoor City.

I also managed to talk the salesman into giving a free tour of the hotels, just for sheer amusement of peeking at what kind of creatures inhabit this world. It is clear that the salesman had

Access to all Habtoor hotels.

Was well known by hotel staff.

Organized the meeting in a special area of the Hilton Habtoor.

When you refuse and walk out, you will notice the Egyptians or Emiraati higher ups shaking their heads at the "loss."

They will hope you just go home but if you create a scene, you will get your free taxi back. I managed to make a useful friend with the taxi driver who confirmed what was going on.

As for the cruise vouchers, they are given but since you did not sign up on losing $10,000, they are never arranged. The organizers simply ghost you.

This is my experience. But there is more:

There is an earlier Reddit thread on r/dubai. To quote,

Does anyone know someone that bought a membership to the Lifestyle Luxury Vacation Club?They are usually posted at Lamer and some malls and promise you lunch or dinner just to listen to their pitch. You sign up because of free food(or I did), once you show up for the appointment at Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City it all goes downhill from there.If no one knows anyone, is there an avenue I can post to find people? Thanks for your help

Just google them. Numerous complaints of fraud.

Here's more from TripAdvisor Reviews of Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City.

I came to hilton to sign up with Llvc. A holiday club. I was scammed myself and 100s of others have made hilton aware and they simply say its got nothing to do with them. They are aware of the ongoing scams happening but are doing nothing about it.

And more:

They rushed me to sign $9000 contract with false promises.. I need my money backStay a way and safe your money. they mislead me to pay $9000 for a membership that they claimed is very good deal.. they told me I could book a week in the Hilton for a out $500, but I discovered that the $500 is just their fees and I need to pay the Hilton as well. I asked for refund but they refused and said the cancelation policy is 4 dayes.. they had me sign the contract in a very rushed manor especially the 2 pages for tirms and conditions, couple people brought them at the end and said sign these quickly because we are closing..

Both these reviews got this response from Hilton:

Response from Fredrik Reinisch , General Manager at Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor CityResponded Mar 6, 2022Dear [EXCISED],Thank you for sharing your valuable feedback with us. Lifestyle Luxury Vacation Club is an isolated company which locates in Al Habtoor City, and its operations are irrelevant to Hilton Al Habtoor City. I am terribly sorry that you have had an unpleasant experience during your recent visit. Please accept my most sincere apologies for the disappointment you had to endure. We have shared your comments with the concerned management team for further investigation, who will be in touch with you shortly.I would like to apologize again for the inconvenience and miscommunication caused, please be assured that Hilton hotel services are never interrupted by irrelevant company operations, and we are looking forward to welcoming you back to Hilton Habtoor.

Sincerely,

Best regards,Fredrik Reinisch – General ManagerHilton Dubai Al Habtoor City

So it is clear that Hilton/Habtoors know what is going on but look the other way.

Here is a complaint by someone who actually took the bait:

All inclusive is a lieWe booked our vacation thru RCI. on line it says All inclusive but that is not true nothing is inclusive but just a breakfast everyday that's it and you can get to eat lunch same lunch every day Caesar salad and half a baby chicken that's it that's all is included in all inclusive. Hotel have five bars and clubs we have NO access to ANY of them no alcohol included in all inclusive no dinner no lunches only breakfast they have a great breakfast everyday but that's it that's the only part is all inclusive we pay $ 2400.00 for all inclusive that includes BREAKFAST ONLY. NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE ALL INCLUSIVE MEAN EVERYTHING IS INCLUDED YOU HAVE ACCESS TO ALL RESTAURANTS BARS CLUBS AT THE PROPERTY AT THE PREMISES.THIS IS A BIG SCAM BY LIFESTYLE IN DUBAI.

Now here is Hilton's response:

Response from Ken Wang, Guest Services / Front Office at Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor CityResponded Apr 12, 2021Dear Mr. Mian,Thank you for sharing your valuable feedback with us, it is with great distress and disappointment that I read your survey that we failed to deliver your expectations. Please accept my most sincere apologies for the disappointment you had to endure. May I invite you to be connected with Lifestyle Customer Manager at [email protected], the team will definitely Make It Right for your future visits.I would like to apologize again for the inconvenience caused, please be assured that corrective measures have already been taken in order to avoid similar situations in the future, and we are looking forward to welcoming you back at Hilton Habtoor.Sincerely,Xiaolong WangFront Office ManagerHilton Al Habtoor City

[astertimberwolf]

I want to talk about something that happened to me many, many years ago, but that still affects me to this day.

I had no voice / wasn't allowed to speak up back then, and I still feel invalidated in my experience, by what some people assumed of me and labeled me as, which was based on stereotypes of modern pop-culture definitions of psychological disturbances and behaviors.

I want to talk about my time as a(n unknowingly) neurodivergent (autistic and ADHD) lesbian in highschool, in a country that used to be both homophobic and ignorant about mental health issues.

I was a teenager, aged 16.

I had already been through a fair amount of bullying in schools at this point in my life, because I acted and functioned differently from everyone else around me.

This had already rooted a deep sense of mistrust and social anxiety in me when trying to befriend people, as I was 100% experiencing developmental delays in relation to my social skills... partially also due to parental neglect / lack of proper parental (and professional) support / guidance.

I would also like to point out that our high school was sh*t when it came to mental health support. We did not have access to any professionals, and the only free, state-funded psychologists I was able to see outside of school ranged from creepy and downright incompetent, to mediocre at best.

Before I go into more detail about the situation I got myself into, I want to briefly introduce what my autism entails and how it makes me come across.

I have a form of right-brain autism where I am both blessed and cursed with an overly active, vivid imagination, which, at times, has been the source of great suffering due to some delusions and dissociative states it induced in me. The same right-brain autism also caused any and all of the emotions I ever experienced (and still experience to this day) to be 100 times more intense than normal (or at least, it felt like that back then, as I had no way to control them or manifest them in a healthy way).

Additionally, this made me somewhat good at arts and drawing, but to a limited degree, since I only possess a type of semi-eidetic memory (not fully photographic), where I can easily map out 3D spaces, images, environments and sometimes even people to an accurate degree in my own head (hence also why I never get / got lost), but I digress...

...The most unhealthy coping mechanism I had, directly resulting from this braintype, was this dissociative state where I retreated into my own head and imagination, as it was the only place where I felt like I could be myself, and express myself safely without facing any kind of judgement.

It was originally a response to trauma that led me to retreat a lot into this inner world, but it soon turned into an addiction of sorts (especially after I figured out I could trigger it by listening to music I enjoyed) whenever I felt (sensory- emotionally or mentally) overwhelmed by situations that were completely out of my control, irrepairable / unfixable or that I simply did not know how to react to, or handle.

Alongside this, I had a high degree of social ineptitude, and a speech and expression-related disability that would make me say things in a completely wrong way whenever I reacted emotionally and didn't carefully pay attention to every word I said or wrote. It has (in the past) caused many misunderstandings, as well as made me lose friendships, since people always interpreted what I was trying to say in the worst possible way.

...

With this long preface out of the way, here is what happened: I fell head-over-heels for a classmate of mine in my second year of highschool.

It was my first time ever developing feelings that strong for someone, and believe me, if falling in love is devastating for regular, neurotypical people- for me it was an absolutely crushing and unnerving experience, like being hit by a freight train or truck at full speed, but in the emotional sense.

The trigger (reason I fell for her) was a bit of a foreign Freudian root (but I am not going to go into that right now). Something I figured out only during- and after my failed marriage, about 5-6 years ago (from the date of this post, more or less).

So, what happened that ended up traumatizing me and this girl I fell for (as far as I have gathered, from the way she reacted) all those years ago?

It's complicated.

I was labeled a stalker, a creep, a weirdo, among many other derogatory labels and assumptions. I was called a manipulator, a liar, a psychopath and an attention seeker (/ seeking wh*ore), and was even ganged up on by a bunch of her friends once. The latter was in response to an actual suicide attempt of mine (yes, I was that depressed and desperately needed help), which I was not ever intending on letting her know about... and had inadvertetly been told to her by an —at the time— online friend, who wanted to stop me from going through with it.

And where did this start?

With me confessing my feelings to her.

I wish I never f*cking did. I wish I just kept it to myself and kept my distance. It would have saved me so much pain.

That alone (confessing to her) may have already given both me, and her, some sort of anxious breakdown or half a panic attack, as we both did not react well (she went to cry in a bathroom stall, and I just sat in a corner, trying to disappear).

I just felt wrong and horrible for the entirety of the ordeal. There were classmates watching this all go down. It was downright embarrassing, and I had obviously not thought it through, since I simply had the urge to get this out and off my chest, as it had been driving me insane- keeping it all bottled up inside (I genuinely thought I was going to implode due to the intensity of the darn feelings).

Regardless of my reasons for confessing... I tried to take several steps back, and since I already had her reject me then and there, I apologised and asked if we could just be friends instead.

You can guess how badly that went- since my feelings did not just magically disappear / go away from one day to another.

I should have really just gotten as far away from her as humanly possible, but I just ended up digging an even deeper grave for myself, as she had initially agreed to trying to be friends (she was trying to be nice).

My retarded, half-delusional brain secretly hoped, at times, that by befriending me, she would change her mind about me, and it didn't help that I went to ask for advice online anonymously, and people kept suggesting I keep pursuing / chasing after her, and that she would eventually say yes and give me a chance (they probably assumed I was a guy and it's f*cked up enough that this sort of thing is reinforced / normalized as a part of cis-het culture).

I would continue to embarrass myself in numerous ways throughout the year: from being overly friendly / nice, to stealing glances at her subconsciously (as an idiot in love would do) and I was working overtime in trying to make her happy. But I could soon tell that, instead of appeasing her, I was just making her more exhausted and anxious around me. I eventually figured out (how? I cannot really recall) that she was just wearing a "mask" when she was around me, so as to avoid hurting my feelings.

This hurt me even more, ironically enough, the moment I realized she was being disingenuous (I had this whole moral rule where I believed that people should always be honest no matter what), and that wasn't even remotely the worst of it.

I sincerely did not know / realize how my behaviour was coming off to her and to everyone observing the situation- I was genuinely oblivious to my environment, or the connotation of the things I was saying, doing, or thinking.

As a socially impaired, autistic individual, who grew up with 5 cats and few and in-between socialization attempts with peers my age, I tended to overshare. I loved her, therefore I trusted her and I ended up telling her about all my past trauma, about sexual assaults and other really personal stuff that happened when I was just a kid- things I really just needed to keep to myself.

Sharing all of that was another huge mistake- because it was later thrown back at me in the form of ammunition: I was accused by her friends- of manipulating and guilt-tripping her intentionally into pitying me, of all things- and this cr*p upset me more than I could ever hope to express through mere words.

Yes, I was misguided- yes, I was stupid, desperate and socially unaware, but when all this stuff came to a head, I just became increasingly more and more cripplingly depressed.

I never meant to put a mental / psychological and emotional strain on her. I never meant to let my feelings spill out like that. I never meant for anyone to get hurt... And I was just trying so hard to make things right, but the more I tried to "fix" them, the worse everything got.

The first, big, misunderstandings that occurred and led to the stalking accusations (later on) probably started when I (unknowingly) walked by her place a few times, and mentioned it in conversation. I had honestly no idea she even lived there- in that area of town, at first.

For context: I just liked walking around town at that age (aimlessly sometimes), because it helped me disconnect and dissociate from reality through my music-induced fantazising (the unhealthy coping mechanism / addiction mentioned further up).

For me, it meant that I got to explore places I had never been to before, while also spending time in my happy place- in my own head, for as long as I wanted.

In my young, naïve eyes, this was a win-win. A feel-good experience when everything else felt bad- but it didn't last.

Upon discovering that she lived in that area, the third time I took my usual walk around that part of town, I just became increasingly anxious whenever I was near the place. It felt wrong being anywhere in the proximity of that apartment complex subconsciously, and at the time, I didn't know why.

I was the kind of autistic idiot that- when facing a novel, intense emotion in a new situation (which may even have been dangerous), instead of listening to that emotion or bad gut feeling, I would try to prod at it- and try to understand it.

All I did, that one, third time, was look at the apartment complex'es entrance, walk a few steps in, then walk back, because the intensity of the dread and anxiety I was feeling were so big- they were screaming at me to turn back, which I did. I didn't ring any doorbells, or touch anything. I never, ever went back to that place.

I acted the same as a curious, but frigthened cat would, when exploring a new area, and I turned back and went away when things felt off.

But nevermind that. The damage was done. Mentioning I had been in the area a few times was enough to give her relentless paranoia and anxiety.

And that wasn't the worst of it.

She had already given me the silent (and avoidant) treatment a few times (which had sent me down a depressive hole that never seemed to have an end), but yeah... My absolutely 100% retarded and socially unaware self, still thought that it would be a good idea to try and explain myself through a multiple-pages-long apology and explanation letter*, which I stuffed in her locker because I was too socially anxious and terrified, at that point in time, to confront her in person (when she was already clearly mad at me).

*God forbid, I just remembered some of the contents of that apology and explanation letter. I partially understand why her friends thought I was trying to guilt-trip her. What happened around that time was that, since she seemed so uncomfortable with me having a crush on her, I had gotten with this one guy who seemed to be into me- partially out of pity for him on my end (that he had feelings for me when I didn't like him much, but I was in a similar situation so I idiotically decided to give him a chance, projection 101), and partially thinking this would get her to feel safe around me as a friend, and dispell any anxiety she felt- This sleazy scumbag ended up r*ping me. I don't remember the specifics of that apology, but I think I mentioned that to her- as a way to show that I cared about her comfort enough to do something that stupid (getting with someone I didn't know and didn't like, for which I paid the consequences for. It was my fault and nobody else's) and hoped this would also put an end to all of my classmates just kind of avoiding me (the grand majority of our class was made up of girls and I got avoided like the plague, hence homophobia).

There is also a faint memory of me leaving a red rose on top of that locker around Valentine's day (anonymously), but I could not place this event inside of the timeline of f*ckups I had done (or well- it's more the other way around. V-day is February, the rest is a blur) to save my life, as it has been far too long ago- and I cannot even remember if it was a real rose, cut and taken from my own garden (we had these beautiful, strongly scented / wonderful smelling wild roses that were growing at all times of the year where I lived, in a village far away from that town) or a paper one, drawn and colored by hand.

My intentions at the time were the following: I thought that an anonymous rose was going to make her happy because someone thought of her, and she did not need to know it was from me- (dumbest thing ever- hindshight is 20/20 as I eventually learnt why that would come off as creepy and stalkerish) and at first, it seemed to be the case (it seemed to work, until she found out it was from me and got justifiably pissed). I think I was just really that desperate to make her smile, at the time. To be the source of her happiness, just once.

I knew I would never get anything more than that from her at that point. I think by that time she had also gotten herself a boyfriend- a guy from our same class that I was on friendly terms with, prior to them getting together (yes, that felt like a huge backstab. He knew I liked her, and they made out in the hallway unabashedly in front of everyone). It was one of the many things that crushed me into tiny pieces, and contributed to driving me even further down the depression well.

I don't resent that guy anymore, but I did wish they would make their love escapades and make-out sessions a little less public / avoid putting on a show.

...

The last two f*ckups that come to mind, which completely turned me away from her- where I just wanted to be as far away from her as humanly possible / sink into the ground and disappear / leave planet Earth or this plane of existence altogether- involved a Facebook post that was meant to be a DM to my best friend from back then (I had this one girl that tolerated all of my social incompetence at the time, bless her), and the grief-related incident.

I'll explain these two as best as I can... I feel like I have already written enough to fill an essay at this point.

The Facebook incident was my incompetence and inability to use social media platforms due to a lack of understanding on how they worked. I was peer-pressured into signing up to Facebook by my classmates in middle school, but I already hated the platform and found it really counter-intuitive. The only reason I used it at all, was to vent to my best friend in highschool, whom I would usually mostly talk to in person (and I may have used it one time to look up a picture of my crush to challenge myself and see if I could draw her at all- since I was really bad at drawing humans and I had this weird belief that if you loved someone, they became impossible for you to draw right), or just interact with people's posts on my feed by liking and commenting on them (most of the time, pictures). The posts were usually from / made by people who added me as a friend (or whom I added from my class, etc.), my crush included.

Now that I think about it carefully, I may have made a panic post after one of my suicide attempts, which I mention later on in this post (the OD related one). But it's hard to tell since it's a fairly blurry memory.

But yeah, sorry for all the crossed out and bracketed text. I just meant to say that me using FB to DM my best friend back then, was mainly due to a period of time where we couldn't see each other much because she was both an extraverted, social party girl, and was in a different class with very separate / conflicting timetables compared to mine (we got separated in second year, while we were still in the same class in first year).

Basically, here is what I thought I was doing: I thought I was sending my best friend a bit of an absurd dream I had, where I was quite literally physically stuck between my crush and her boyfriend- in the dream it didn't seem like anything more than hugging (everybody had their clothes on), but I was joking around, to relieve some of the awkwardness and embarrasment it made me feel, because from a certain close-up angle it looked bad, so I ended up saying something like "it looked like a threesome" in the post- and this was just my idiotic teenage humor. I didn't really mean anything of the sort by it.

If only I had taken the time to read that the button I was about to press said "post", I could have saved myself another huge wave of shame / mortification / humiliation.

I also failed to recognize that my crush and her boyfriend were being automatically tagged- I thought that the blue highlight was some kind of innocuous auto-link thingie to their profiles inside of a DM, and that it had nothing to do with them being tagged / notified of this, and oh man- the backlash was immediate, and it was brutal.

I started getting horrible comments from the boyfriend, her friends, and even her too, probably- shaming me, demanding I take down the post and that it was uncalled for. I immediately deleted the post as soon as I realized it was a post and not a DM, but by that point, the thing had been up a while (a whole night or so), and the damage had been done. I eventually ended up deleting my entire Facebook account due to this and other, less than pleasant things that happened on there.

Moving on to the grief incident-

My depression was not just due to the daily hell that had become my highschool experience the unrequitted feelings I had to live with every day (as well as my subconscious almost constantly tormenting me with dreams featuring her). The one and only person who ever truly loved me in a healthy way also ended up in hospital- and soon passed away from cancer that same year: my maternal grandmother. She was the only ray of sunshine (if not as warm as the whole sun itself) that made me feel like I mattered, was loved and cared for. She would give the biggest, warmest of hugs, and would always put a smile on everyone's face. I still miss her dearly.

This void in my life, left by my grandmother's death, happened very closely —time frame wise— to something that my crush was (unbeknowst to me) experiencing as well. This was during one of the still alternating periods of time where I would mess up occasionally and try my best to fix things- I was still on relatively friendly terms with my crush when, all of a sudden, from one day to another, she started avoiding me and giving me the silent treatment again. It was so sudden and so unexpected that it really caught me off-guard and sent me spiraling into a flurry of anxiety and depression. I was so tired of it all. I just wanted to be socially competent and not embarrass myself at every other turn... I sincerely thought it was my fault, once again- that she wasn't talking to me anymore. That I had done something wrong, inapprorpiate, or unacceptable unknowingly.

There was a spectacular lack of communication in all this, as, if I had known what was going on, I was going to keep away and give her the space she needed to grieve, but essencially: her father, whom she had a really close relationship to, had died. This was told to me much much later, during the friends gang incident.

... Be as it may, this silent treatment of hers was the last straw of a series of bad events and things that happened to me, which pushed me further into my depression- making me feel worse than I had ever felt before in my life (to this day I have never experienced that sort of depressive low again).

I was already failing at school, with all of this emotional turmoil going on- and my narcissistic, neglectful father would just yell at me at home and make things worse. I just spent every other afternoon locked in my room... Which had turned into a depression cave. I was in too much pain, too exhausted, too self-hating and abandoned to myself to care anymore. I just wanted for the pain to stop. I couldn't- and did not want to continue living like this- through this literal hell on Earth, day in, day out. It was one of the worst low-points in my life.

I honestly just wrote a goodbye letter to my online friend (as I had sort of drifted away from my IRL best friend a bit), and thought that would be it. I was going to just slice my wrists open and let myself drain of all life, and then the pain would finally stop.

I know how messed up this sounds, but that's just how messed up I was... and felt. I had nothing to look forward to, no support system, no happy place left (my own head had turned into a place of festering darkness where I was just constantly ridiculed, taken advantage of, neglected or abandoned). And that's where the suicide attempt she learnt about came to be (where her friends ganged up on me afterwise)- Because menacingly reality-checking a broken, anxious, depressed, suicidal, desperate, neglected, autistic teen is the sound-of-mind thing to do, instead of getting help from adults to deal with the situation. You totally aren't going to trigger PTSD and trauma from being bullied early on in other schools, nooo... Sorry. The sarcasm here is some of the leftover bitterness I felt for those people. They expected- or rather demanded of me to act like a functional, not developmentally delayed adult, when none of us were adults to begin with.

Given everything, I don't directly blame them, but there were better ways to deal with the situation compared to what they did- or what the school did, which was exactly nothing.

I needed to stay away from my crush and everyone in that class from the get-go.

I should have been removed and placed into special care and on suicide watch, as well as forced to see a paid-for, competent mental health specialist.

My life would have gone much differently if only they had caught my autism early on. But none of that ever happened. I got encouraged by internet strangers to do the wrong things, driven to near insanity trying to find a balance between handling my feelings, my dumb subconscious and weird brain, and trying to survive in school, while also not making my crush uncomfortable- with little to no socialization skills to aid me whatsoever.

I probably did a lot more damage than I realized, between having to share the same girls' locker rooms when we were changing for P.E.- either at the school's swimming pool or one of the various gyms we visited... And letting my anger (and jealousy) out on her boyfriend during increasingly more violent dodgeball games. 🫠

I was a certified moron, who did not know how to human (I still don't know how to human, but I got better) or have a lid on her own emotions- didn't know what was socially appropriate and what wasn't until I made a fool of myself-

I never, ever want to see my former crush, nor her friends, ever again- unless it's to have an adult chat and have them show some remorse and apologize to me at least a little bit. I know I was a pain in the arse to deal with, and I do not deny all the damage I have done on my end. I acknowledge it and I apologized profusely for it so many times, but there simply wasn't anything I could do to go back in time and reverse it. Life isn't a videogame or simulation where you get several attempts at something. You usually just get one shot and then you are immediately judged.

Highschool turned out to be a flurry of trauma, drama and bad experiences for me. I attempted sucide thrice in that time span and self-harmed in many ways. Not gonna lie, I probably damaged my kidneys a little during one of those suicide attempts (slightly ODd on some food supplements, thinking they were a harder drug).

The sexual trauma from being r*ped also persisted throughout the early part of my adulthood and gave me mood swings and more PTSD. I finally got rid of it around the age of 24, give or take- so basically, during COVID-19, where everything slowed down (and I finally had the time I needed to process all of the repressed, horrible, traumatic sh*t I kept running away from).

But yeah... The aim of this vent post is not to victimize myself in any way, but rather to put my pent up, leftover trauma and feelings into written form and exorcize some demons from the past, so to speak.

I avoided, or tried to avoid my crush throughout the rest of highschool. I literally applied to- and took an exam to change classes, so that I wouldn't have to run into her every single day anymore (though we still bumped into each other in the hallways occasionally). My PTSD and fear of encountering her in the hallway back then was so strong that my attendance kept dropping and getting worse and worse throughout my third year of highschool, even though we were studying different things now.

The sad part is that, to this day, my subconscious just remains on high alert and scans for her presence in places where I had known her to be at, because it's STILL utterly TERRIFIED of bumping into her. I have so many bad associations and traumatic memories related to that person that my brain just identifies her as THREAT / DANGER. I genuinely react worse to the thought / chance of encountering her- than being stalked home by a guy meaning to harm me.

That's the level of psychological damage we are talking about.

To this day, it's the only unresolved trauma I have left.

How I know it still affects me?

Her father was from this seaside village, in a neighboring country (same nationality as my mother- she told me this when we were still friends), where a lot of the local women look rather similar to, or almost just like her. Small gene pool I guess. And while vacationing there at the beach (not by choice, some family friends my mother always wants to visit live there- t'is a smol world), this one girl walks up to our beach spot in my general direction and just as I turn my head, my subconscious sees a shadow of my old crush in this girl / woman's face and I freeze. I felt like someone had poured liquid nitrogen all over me, and I felt this chill- completely root me in place, passing through my body like being impaled with a spear. Hell, it was an undescribable sensation, of the bad kind. The third F of the Fight or Flight responses...? Freeze?

So yeah, f*ck it. I hope the universe keeps her far away from me, though given my luck, that probably won't be the case. I swear to God, if I bump into her anywhere near where I live right now, I am just going to turn 180° and start running in the other direction.

[Insert "why are you running?" Meme here]

Yeah, no, bYE-

---

I'm going to end this post on one, last note: there was something I was never quite able to explain.

During my self-imposed and forced phase of denial (that followed this ordeal, where I thought I was still bi instead of a lesbian because "I only had traumatizing experiences with men, therefore I would like it if the right person came along" -> load of cis-het, homophobic BS that people brainwashed me with), which took place during my last two years of highschool (third and fourth year), I had started dating this one friend of mine, who was compassionate enough to understand I wasn't a danger to anyone but myself, and knew that I was just a troubled teen that needed help.

He was relatively (or even fairly) good-looking, according to the average cis-het beauty standards (not like I cared, it was his kindness that had drawn me to him in a platonic way, since I cannot fall for men) and I think this may have been around the same time where my crush's boyfriend dumped her to be with another female classmate from that same class she was in-

Usually, she (my crush) would just put on a fake smile and wave when she walked past me outside of school (acknowledging my presence), or sometimes just blatantly ignore me (if she was in a bad mood), which was fine by me. But there was this one time where I was walking through the entrance gate that led into our high school, and I was holding hands with my "new boyfriend" (the friend I had started dating) and she was walking in the opposite direction, to leave the school grounds... When she spotted me. She just stared at me with such intense and fierce hatred in her eyes (???), scoffed, and then walked past us. It was so utterly weird...?! Like- was she jealous that I had a boyfriend (that I wasn't even able to love) and she just got dumped...? That's the only logical explanation I could find, because it didn't make any logical sense.

Why would you be jealous of seeing someone who had feelings for you, who you weren't even interested in, called a stalker and wanted gone so bad- date another person? Was she jealous I was with a handsome and generous guy?

I have absolutely no clue to this day, as to what the hell all of that was about.

I tried to put it out of my mind but the nonsensical behavior there stuck with me for quite a bit.

Random thing that resurfaced as a distant memory, while remembering everything else.

People are fekkin weird.

#cw: sh #cw: depression #confession #confessions #trauma vent #vent post #depression #cw: homophobia #autism #autistic #lesbian #cw: bullying #discrimination #false accusations #misunderstandings #my teenage years #cw: sa mention #cw: unal*ving attempts #cw: trauma #trauma #traumatic experience #traumatic experiences #cw: grief #bereavement #overcoming trauma #overcoming past trauma #overcoming my past #I'm doing a lot better now #everyone stays anon #this happened over 10 years ago

[53lazyzdata]

The Meaninglessness of Modern Life

By: Pastor Andrew Isker

Modern life is meaningless. Our young people believe they have no other purpose on this earth other than to seek pleasure and entertain away their boredom. Tens of millions in our country live this way. Is it any wonder that we have never been more anxious, depressed, and suicidal?

Like many in the Millennial Generation, I went to college and enjoyed four years of few responsibilities and seemingly endless opportunities for fun with friends. Your first taste of life as an adult is pleasure island. You are young with unlimited free time and can do whatever you want. Even if you are a Christian and you avoid the bacchanal of drunkenness, drugs, and fornication, you still become accustomed to a slightly more wholesome dissipate lifestyle. You assume this is what adult life is. For many in my generation, you leave college and continue to chase that same high. You find a job—if you are lucky—and have less free time. You are separated from most of your college friends. But you become desperate to relive those glory days, even if only Friday night through Sunday.

For many, if not most in my generation, that is the “good life” you are programmed to pursue. You exist merely to maximize your own pleasure. You exist to work enough to be entertained. To produce enough so that you might consume. But as sand slowly drains from the hourglass and your youth slowly escapes you, at some point you begin to feel an existential dread. Deep down, in your bones, you know you were not made for this. This is not enough. There is something missing. Even recapturing the highs of college and taking a trip to Vegas with the boys doesn’t hit the same. The high wears off and the hangover sets in and never goes away.

Such is the experience of so many in my generation. It will be the experience of the generation to follow, as well. The days of our youth, when all our ancestors formed families and built with a mind to the future, are wasted by us. Looking at fertility statistics, nearly half of American women under 45 are childless. This portends a time to come when a majority of people are totally alone, with no stake whatsoever in the future. A people who will die alone and who will have devoted their life to nothing but conspicuous consumption.

This is how civilizations die. Sometimes they are overthrown in cataclysmic warfare and conquest. More often, they lose the will to live and die of demographic suicide. You cannot really blame this generation any more than you can blame the Boomers for the conditions they were born into and shaped by. And look at what this generation was formed by. They were born just after the median standard of living peaked in America. Everyone assumed the good times would continue on indefinitely and the next generation would simply inherit it. We came of age where everyone was living as if the good times were still here, but the fact that they were gone and never coming back was something that escaped everyone.

At the same time, all the things that give life meaning were taken from us and in many cases vilified. We grew up being taught that pride in your heritage as an American is the very grave sin of “ethnocentrism” and very near kin of the unforgivable sin of racism. Implicit in this idea is that it is good for America to simply die off and be replaced by random human beings from across the globe. Whether you were on the far left or a conservative evangelical, you were brought up believing the world is soon going to end, either from Global Warming or the Rapture, respectively. Why would you want to bring children into a doomed world to suffer?

A very brief blip of reinvigorated patriotism after 9/11 was quickly spent on trillion-dollar, decades-long, aimless occupations of third-world countries in the Middle East. The very same people singing along to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” would, less than two decades later, be calling America “the most racist country in the world.” Why would you want to create new Americans if that were the case? Any vital spirit, any pride in people or place was systematically removed. The energy that previous generations would devote to producing subsequent generations has been spent on satisfying our fleeting desires.

It may seem like our civilization is doomed. It might seem like we are never coming back. In many ways this is true. The old America is gone. It has no will to survive. This does not mean, however, that Americans will disappear. What instead is taking place is a great bifurcation. Those who still retain the will and energy and desire to see their nation be preserved, to have it continue on to the next generation are consciously separating themselves from the old world.

These are young people who love their country, love their people, love their place, and love their heritage. These are young people who have seen the worthlessness of living for nothing except to consume and be entertained. Young people who realize what I call “Trashworld” must be totally despised. Young people who recognize that their lives are about so much more than going to nice bars and restaurants with friends week after week. Young people who have rejected the path of least resistance offered to them and instead chosen the way of life our ancestors pursued. A life of dedication and duty. A life of honor. A life that produces life. They have instead sought out a life that rejects our world’s banishment of the transcendent and looked to the heavens to pursue the glory of God. No longer is the meaningless of modern life acceptable to them. They seek out what the Lord has created them to be.

There yet remains a vanguard of those who carry forth the torch of civilization. The events of the past few years have caused many of them to reorganize and reorient their lives around building communities that will survive what is to come. Just as ancient Christians lived in a polis—city—inside the polis, so too must we today. And not just communities of Christians generally, including those enamored with Trashworld, but those who see the time of day. God has orchestrated events such that we are forced into doing so. No longer can we remain comfortable and complacent like those who love the world of filth.

No, instead we must become like the Pilgrims who first settled in America. But unlike them, there is no wilderness of the New World to settle. We must re-found our nation even as the decaying one has not yet fully surrendered to ruin. This mission is the antidote to modern ennui. The mission of Christians is to rebuild what we have lost and carry forward the inheritance we have been given—a mission to build a Parallel Christian Society. Far from despairing at the death of the nation we love, we can devote ourselves to rebuilding it anew. And while the lovers of Trashworld breathe their last gasps alone and terrified with nothing but faded memories of brunch, we will go to glory surrounded by our children’s children who will take up the mantle of building a new Christendom after we have gone. That is a vision of the good life. That is the vision of a life well spent. And that is what we must pursue.

[bslack12]

Art, Art, Art, and Sports

The past two days have been probably been the most art I have consumed in that short of a period in my lifetime. Yet, despite my existence currently inhabiting Paris, this segment of time does not feature the Louvre or the Musée d'Orsay. It also does not only include happy stories and enjoyment.

Upon my first viewing of the itinerary, I knew that the class components of this stretch would be my least favorite of the trip, and it was not even close. Not only were the plans going against my preferred taste in art, but it included my participation in making said art, an anxiety inducing trigger in me that takes on of the top spots on that list. I have never been good at art and have always been told that, so I have always steered away from that field. I do not like to do things in which I know will fail, as the aversion to anything but success is what guides my life. Furthermore, I feel like there is a block in my brain when it comes to creative things; it truly feels like there is nothing clicking, a feeling which I never get anywhere else and is quite scary as much as it is annoying.

Nevertheless, when in Paris, right?

I actually consider myself quite lucky to have found a program in my favorite city and country in the world that is so geared towards my interest that I am all in for 90% of the course. So, I sucked it up and was going to make the best out of this stretch. Sunday morning started with a trip over to Saint Sulpice to take in my first mass, which happened to be in French. It was an amazing building and a beautiful service. I was able to pick up bits and pieces and connected the leftovers that did not get scratched during the reformation to what I experience back home in the United Methodist Church. It was also cool to complete another part of my unofficial Da Vinci Code hunt, finding what I assume was the inspiration for the "Rose Line" in the church. (I added another stop this morning, finding one of the Paris Meridian markers at the Louvre.)

It was then time to head over to the Atelier des Lumières for the immersive art exhibit. While I enjoyed the shows for a little bit, I was not captivated in the same way that I have been in other places. First of all, the exhibits were a little to modern for my taste in art that centers in Baroque, Classical and Romantic periods. I also just felt that, if I am viewing art in Paris, it should be firsthand, not a light projection of a painting somewhere else. However, it was much better than I thought when I first read the itinerary and the way that we were immersed in the art was way more my speed than when I though I was going to have to make something.

To continue the theme, though, we headed over to the Petit Palais to view the works housed there. This wasn't initially on my big to-do, but it was something I just stumbled on during the Bastille Day all nighter, as I saw that their collection was free admission and was connected with Beaux-Arts. I would have to say that my favorite spot there was Dutch/Flemish painters and their Baroque landscapes/still life, as I had not really seen much from this time in the other places that we went. I really enjoy how this type of art manipulates the light by darkening things out and drawing the viewer the the subject of the painting. I was also really drawn to a David piece, The Death of Seneca. The was it was positioned in the gallery was such that the painting was almost divided into two, with the glare cancelling out the other half of the frame. It added another dimension in the division between the men and the women, who were already separated by the emotions they were exuding as well as the meridian of the canvas.

The day ended with an interruption to the theme of art, although I would argue that the purity of sport and the grace in which athletes perform can be its own category of art. The Para Athletics World Championships have been in town all week and as it is the only live event of note happening in the city during my stay, it felt my duty to attend for a night. It it quite impressive to watch the para athletes perform, as they push past physical, mental, and financial boundaries to pursue competition at the highest level. It was also nice to see the event treated as any other sporting event would, not being othered because the athletes are handicapped. My favorite event had to be the universal relay, where runners from four different classes come together to run a lap.

Moving over to today, I had another early start. After waking at 7 and immediately getting ready, I headed down to the Louvre to complete my aforementioned Da Vinci Code stop, grab a quick croissant and tea, and stroll through the Tuileries before reaching the objective of the morning, La Musée de l'Orangerie. Since hearing about it on our first day in Paris, I was determined to make it here and see Monet's Water Lillies. So, I rose early and arrived at the museum when it opened. I did not realize it was so important to pre-book here, but it was not a problem as I did not have to queue for more than 5 minutes. Once I was inside the room designed specifically for the masterpiece, I was stunned by how massive they were. For some reason, I had not realized how grand the canvases were. It strikes you immediately and does not allow for any view of the room, or a singular painting, to be the same. I really enjoyed just sitting and strolling through, working my way around the 8 panels and enjoying their beauty, from close and afar. I was probably down there for over 45 minutes and it was wonderful. I made my way through the other halls of the museum, but there was not much else that was in my area of enjoyment and it was close to time to leave for Bercy anyways.

This was where my own personal hell would come to life. I would enjoy and learn about the arts all day, every day, but I usually draw a firm line on doing it myself. My mind is moving too fast to slow down and translate anything from my head into existence. Yet, I still had to sit down and do it so I gritted my teeth and tried my best. The act of spray painting itself was somewhat enjoyable but it was very frustrating not having the physical ability to replicate the quality of the examples and the work of my peers. I was very much on edge during this, especially when I had to contribute to something that I knew everyone else cared a lot more about than me. I tried my best to slow down and not rage out, but I was mentally exhausted by the end of it.

To try and work myself down, I went over to the Hôtel de Ville to finally see the Olympic Rings before a leisurly walk along around L'Île de la Cité, beside the quais of the Seine, and down Boulevard Saint Michel to Maison des Mines, where I was feeling more of myself upon my return.

[kendrixtermina]

Edelgard and “meritocracy” - an essay

In this essay I wish to adress the common argument that “meritocracy bad, therefore edelgard bad” & the logical leaps therein.

Before we begin, I’d like to stress that she doesn’t even use the word “meritocracy” & they’re not even looking at it’s modern definition but reacting to the way it has been used as a fighting word to denigrate the poor specificically in the post reagan modern USA & then assuming Edelgard means the exact same thing by that without bothering to examine what she actually says & in what context.

Modern capitalism & the way it uses rhetoric of merit as an excuse is bad & with its reduction of human value to their moneymaking ability, definitely inherently ableist, I agree totally.

But 3H does NOT take place in the modern world. Progress is always relative to what came before. It*s progress away from entrenched problems.

It’s a total failure to even imagine a world different from the sucky one we live in - that’s exactly what tolkien meant  by that saying that if we’re prisoners we have a duty to escape.

Edelgard doesn’t live in a capitalist society nor is she bringing about capitalism (if anything Claude’s the one talking of free trade & giving the merchants what they want, though he is almost certainly playing them much like the church)

And the main component of capitalism - factory owners, rich elites who owns large swathes of companies or real estate - is nowhere to be found.

In our world that cropped up because industrialization made owning factories, offices, trade etc. more lucrative that just owning the land, so factory owners replaced landed lords, essentially promising the peasants freedom if they helped them overthrow the kings but granting them only in a limited manner - the flawed inequal democracies that resulted were a compromise between peasants and factory owners.

But by and large the nobles are very much in the same niche as the factory owners today - they own the land and get special trade privileges (the means of production), they often abuse the populace with impunity, the peasants are very poor.

Edelgard cracks down on corruption & special trade privileges even during the timeskip.

And like the rich of our world, they have a self-mythology propaganda justification based on merit. Yes, there is the “by the grace of god” argument, too, but crests give you extra fighting power, and if you look at the Ferdinand support for example you do see that Fodlan’s nobles - especially the adrestian ones - see themselves as a honed elite that is trained from birth & therefore better at ruling.

Not quite the same argument a modern billionaire uses - who is very invested in convincing you that they didn’t get their power and wealth by their birth - but a myth nonetheless.

Edelgard’s not bringing “meritocracy” as in brutal competition opposed to caring social safety nets, but as opposed to unearned privilege.

If you wanted to compare that to any kind of sociohistorical context, you might look at Napoleon’s peasant liberation or the implementation of civil service examinations in ancient China.

That wasn’t an all good thing - In the same way that Europe is very impacted by the legacy of rome both good & bad (there are persisting bad attitudes toward war, authority and agriculture for example), east asia still has a lot of education obsession causing pressure & unhealthy work habits to this day.

But if you compared ancient china before the reforms to ancient China after it definitely got better, by ancient china standards.

We couldn’t expect the people back then to come up with all advances up to our exact modern values at once (not can we be sure how much of our values will stand the test of time)

Considering that Fodlan’s ideal of merit is basically what Lorenz, Ingrid and Ferdinand are embodying for their respective countries, and that she stocks her inner circle with very different leaders, it is no stretch to say that she wants to shake up the social ideas of what even counts as merit, to make ppl value other things that crest power or elite upbringing, the same way we might say today that hey, cleaners are valuable actually.

Edelgard is basically doing her world’s equivalent of taxing the billionaires - reducing the power of what the overprivilieged class happens to be, & it’s obvious from her talk of how she despises inequality that she would hardly be for rule of factory owners.

When Edelgard says that she wants to make Fodlan more merit-based, that has to be taken in the context that she lives in a world where your birth determines everything, incompetent nobles can be as lazy as they want, and no one cares how competent you are if you lack a crest, title or both.

If she looked at our world, she would quickly see through the propaganda that it is supposedly “merit based” and object to how wealth and national origin obviously dictate wealth & opportunity while talented people go to waste in sweatshops.

Now of course there have been arguments even against “perfect” meritocracy - one is the devaluation of working class jobs.

To this one could answer that this is more a flaw in how merit is conceived. Historically there have been societies that exahlted blue collar work, artisans or farming.

The second argument, however, is not so easy to get rid of: That is devalues people who can’t just go & produce like machines, especially the unemployed, the sick, the mentally ill, the disabled…

But at this point we’ve got to lean back & get our definitions straight, & make it clear what we even mean by “meritocracy” -

Because if we’re just talking about the basic idea that competency should be rewarded, I don’t think too many people disagree with that. We might see a problem with valueing the competency of a doctor or lawyers dispropottionally over the competency of a cleaner or a bricklayer, but we all, by and large, want the people who prepare our goods and services to be competent. Maybe we wouldn’t exalt it over all over qualities, but most of us admire skill.

Of course the problem with the political rhetoric of “meritocracy” is that it goes beyond just rewarding skill, first with the afore mentioned rewarding of only some skills, but mostly with the reversion or overemphasis of the above: Saying that skill is the only thing that matters (to the exclusion of any inheent human value) & that those who don’t have it are worthless.

First I want to throw out the thought that this is a product of the production/profit orientation of capitalism, but one could of course imagine, as many sci fi authors have done, a non-capitalistic society that is still obsessed with merit at the exclusion of those who are not oriented towards productivity & care more about fun & relationships than producing, or those who can’t produce because they are sick or disabled.

So now we must ask ourselves the question: Which of those views does Edelgard actually hold?

Cause I want you to notice that they’re not the same. “Skill should be rewarded & jobs should be done by competent people”  is not the same position as “Skill is the ONLY thing that matters and if you don’t have it you are worthless”

In one position, skill is a good quality, in the other, it's a prerequisite to worth.

Most of us here probably agree that skill is admirable (we like and reblog pretty fanarts), but not that the unskilled are worthless.

Looking at her superficially I could perhaps see how someone might suspect her of the latter -  She gravitates to & surrounds herself with skilled intelligent people and she’s obscenely superpowered.

It’s an misunderstanding that Dimitri makes in-universe, he accuses her of “only benefitting the strong”

But note that her answer to that is that she wants to empower the weak to no longer be weak & decide their own lives, instead of accepting charity. (Contrast with how Dimitri romanticizes abyss, for example, even as Claude points out that locking the poor underground is hardly help.)

Of course she can say many things, as rulers often give florid speeches.

But let’s have a look at what she actually thinks. How does edelgard actually act towards people who struggle or aren’t productivity oriented?

This is one of her lecture questions from part I:

“When one professor lectures many students, some will inevitably have trouble keeping up, while others will get too far ahead in their studies. I wonder how this problem might be solved…”

Her favorite answer is “lectures should be optional”.

Which part of that sounds like a bell curve type eugenicist “only skill & intelligence counts” kind of person? She wants the struggling students to be taken proper care of, not just the good ones.

Look at the speeches she gives to Petra & Lysithea about not giving up on themselves & wanting them to move forward from an empowered mindset. Look at how she tells Lysithea to take it easy & not overtax her body. (Not "don't whine & keep working")

Look at Bernadetta - very much an ‘unproductive’ individual with great struggles & limitation. Does Edelgard dismiss her as a weakling? Not at all. Not even in the C support. She makes sure to stress her good qualities when introducing  her, makes an effort to be more patient so as not to scare her, & they become good friends.

Look at the Linhardt support - at first she mistakes his behavior for youthful lazyness (He’s 16 after all) & wants to get him to apply himself, but when she realizes that he just has different priorities, she respects that, & works to get him the exact sort of position that he wants. No “suck it up!” or dismissing such a different lifestyle. Nor does she chide him for hating fighting at any point.

Edelgard does everything in her power to accomodate people so they can do their best. She sees the value even in strange unsocial people that society would dismiss. She found a job for someone like Jeritza & helped him, she doesn’t hesitate to make Dorothea a general or Manuela the prime minister no matter what people say or if they don’t act like typical politicians.

Also, when she talks about choosing her sucessor, she wants them to be brilliant/competent yes, but also kind and 'an outsider' (ie, impartial) - hardly a PoV of "if you are skilled you can do whatever you want and if you aren't no other quality matters". She's prizing kindness & objectivity just as highly, something which is absolutely reflected throughout all her actions & behaviors towards others.

She doesn't devalue living quietly & low key without making waves - in fact, that is her dream life, which she deems superior to achievement and ambition, which are to her just tools to archieve good aims.

She couldn’t be further from having a narrow definition of what a “valuable” person is, she is all ABOUT empowering people to take control of their own lives, no pity-driven charity, no paternalism, none of that. This is one of my favorite traits about her, so I can’t help but get mad when people accuse her of being the exact opposite.

But maybe the biggest argument is abyss. This is where the genuine underclass lives, poor, struggling, traumatized, refugees etc.

Edelgard isn’t as vocal during Cindered Shadows as Claude - she can’t blow her cover & just isn’t as expressive personality wise. But she’s the one who makes everybody swear to take care of Abyss no matter who wins.

And her route is the one where, instead of telling you that they lost people, Hapi tells you that they’ve all been pretty much fine over the timeskip.

If you want to help the struggling & the poor and those who don't have "conventional" skills, you should back edelgard.

#edelgard #edelgard von hresvelg #three houses #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #fe3h

[backofthebookshelf]

Horror Recs for Magnus Fans, Part the Second

Last time I did this I was assuming that anyone who was listening to a horror podcast already knew some horror, but I have since learned that this is not the case, so there are a few more classics in here, as well as some more of my faves.

For anyone and everyone who listens to TMA: Sarah Monette's Kyle Murchison Booth stories, many (though not all) of which are collected in The Bone Key. Queer information professional would very much like for ghosts and monsters to leave him alone, does not get what he wants; can't resist the impulse to help out people who are more fucked over than him anyway. I love Booth so much, he deserves much better things than he gets.

For Web stans: Blindsight by Peter Watts, a sci-fi horror novel about free will and consciousness. Lydia Nicholas named this as one of her favorite books in the first Assistant's Round Table; I respect her for it, but I read this once and it gave me an existential crisis. Highly recommended, but make sure you've got a palate cleanser.

For jonelias fans and/or fans of the Corruption: Candyman (1992). With bonus folklore & urban legend meta! Kissing bees into your (potential) lover's mouth in order to convince them to become a murderous spirit of vengeance just like you! "All you have left is my desire for you"!!! It's extremely sexy, is what I'm saying, in all the best ways. (Trigger warnings for violence against children and a fair amount of gore, in addition to the aforementioned bees.)

If you love the no-holds-barred social commentary of season five: The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle. No, I will not shut up about this book until absolutely everyone in the world has read it. It's short! You could read it in an afternoon! This is Lovecraft's "The Horror at Red Hook" from the point of view of a black musician and hustler who's hired to help out with the ritual, and it's incredible. (If you're enjoying Lovecraft Country, absolutely do not miss this.)

If you miss the standalone statements of season one and two: the works of the early 20th century cosmic horror and ghost story writers: M.R. James, Algernon Blackwood, Arthur Machen. Machen has a tendency to get pretty eugenics-y, and they're all either misogynistic or don't have women in their stories at all, but goddamn do they do atmosphere. ("The Magnus Archives" is named after James's "Count Magnus," Jonny's favorite M.R. James story.)

For Stranger fans and those who love unexplained mysteries: The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher, a Southern horror (not a Gothic) about a woman who goes to clean out her abusive grandmother's house to sell it only to find that there are things other than his wife that her grandfather was afraid of, and for good reason. Features hot competent neighbors, extremely practical reactions to terrible monsters, and a Very Good Dog (the dog does not die).

For Lonely bitches: "The Horla" by Guy de Maupassant, the story I use to describe my depression to people. That's a pretty good content warning, honestly.

If you loved the "Am I still human?" plotline: The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht, a grotesque little novella about monsters in (dysfunctional) love. I'm a bit iffy on the ending, but honestly landing the ending of horror is so tricky that I'll almost never discount something just because I'm iffy on the ending. The body horror and emotional repression throughout make up for it.

If you crave the supernatural adventure series starring Gerry Keay: The Sandman Slim series by Richard Kadrey - modern noir, so gritty you can feel it in your teeth, featuring all kinds of monsters, demons, curses, and narrowly-averted apocalypses. Not as misogynistic as noir can get, but it is noir so there's definitely a bit of that (but definitely not as misogynistic as Jim Butcher). Trigger warnings all over the place; this is B-movie horror in book form.

For Distortion fans: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Bears almost no resemblance to the Netflix series of the same name, or any of the movies based on it; this is a twisty psychological novel with a profoundly unreliable narrator and a lot of repressed queerness. Michael/Helen would be right at home in Hill House. (Content warning for suicidality.)

If you want your horror to make you cry: El Orfanado, directed by Guillermo del Toro; a family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage, that is, of course, haunted. This is a tremendous distillation of the way that horror movies are so often centered around women not being believed, so content warning for gaslighting (and for harm to children); I saw this movie once and entire scenes are embedded in my brain in full color. (Honestly you can't go wrong with any Guillermo del Toro movies; he's fantastic.)

If you want your horror to make you cry, but make it gay: In the Flesh, two seasons of a zombie TV show tragically cut short (yes, it ends on a cliffhanger, I’m sorry). Uses zombies as a metaphor for homophobia, but also includes actual queer people. Content warning for small-town-typical homophobia and tragic gays. Please come yell with me about Simon Monroe, I love him so much.

For Slaughter fans: The Shining by Stephen King - look, look, I know. He's not great. He needs an editor. The movie is all kinds of fucked up. But this book is one of the most raw, personal horror stories I've ever read, and it's got an excellent combination of supernatural influence and real-life mundane fear of addiction and personal weakness that really grabs you by the intestines. Again, an iffy ending, but it's worth it for the slow descent into paranoia and madness.

If you just want to try to find some authors to read: The Borderlands anthology series, paperbacks from the height of the 80s horror boom; there are so many different kinds of stories in here that I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't like some of them but you might well find something new to fall in love with. A lot of these writers are out of print but readily available at used bookstores or for pennies on Amazon.

As always, let me know if you liked any of these or if you have a specific need: it is no longer my job to recommend books and media to people but it is still my very favorite thing to do and I will be obnoxious about it forever

#the magnus archives #tma #horror recs #horror #book recs #movie recs

[atpaftmoom-bily]

Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.

Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.

I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.

Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.

Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)

General Comments "OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!" "Who's the other guy?" "I'm dead" "Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!" "Poor boys, I feel sorry for them" "So clumsy to get caught on film" "I know where he lives!" "I think the video is fake" "Love for the boys"

Sexualizing Comments "Royal porn" "Sexy" "Love" "Sexiest video ever"

Negative Comments "How will the monarchy survive this?" "The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!" "Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now" "Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"

Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.

The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.

I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.

Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)

There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)

Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?

I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.

Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.

Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.

Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!

Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."

---

Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.

Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.

Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.

So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.

Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Erik: You've met someone.

Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...

Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-

Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.

Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?

---

Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.

Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.

In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.

One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #simon eriksson #wilmon #simon x wilhelm #young royals netflix #wilhelm yr #simon yr #august yr #erik yr #netflix #edvin ryding #omar rudberg #malte gårdinger #ivar forsling

[blindbeta]

I have a question! Thank you for existing I deeply appreciate it. I was wondering if it is possible for a blind person to be able to read by learning the shape of raised letters, rather than braille. I ask because I have a situation in which it is reasonable that the blind character would know this, if possible, and the person they are travelling with is completely illiterate.I thought it might be interesting if the seeing character could describe the letters, or find a way to texture them so the blind character could tell them what something says. I have done a great deal of research for this character, but this is the one part I can't find a clear answer for. Thank you very much.

Good question, nonnie.

The short answer is, maybe? It would depend on the time period and location of your characters.

Since you want both characters to read, I’ll assume this culture has a formal writing system in place and values written communication.

A Brief History

In order to address this, allow me to offer a brief history of Braille. Because what you’re describing is exactly what happened in France before Braille was invented. This informative video summarizes it pretty well. Here is the text version of the video. The video mentions the embossed letter or raised type method of reading that was used at the time. It was difficult to read and the letters had to be very large in order to be understood, making it harder to read words and sentences. Reading must have been very slow.

According to this page on the National Braille Press website, reading this way required slowly tracing raised print letters. To write, one had to memorize the shapes and try to create them on paper, although they could not read the results.

Creating books was even more difficult. According to this page, [quote] “teacher Valentin Haüy made books with raised letters by soaking paper in water, pressing it into a form and allowing it to dry. Books made using this method were enormous and heavy, and the process was so time-consuming that l'Institution Royale des Jeunes Aveugles, or the Royal Institution for Blind Youth, had fewer than 100 of them when Louis Braille was a student there.” [End quote]

Braille books are already notorious for taking up several volumes. Large print books are only a little better. Textbooks used in schools take up several shelves to translate one print textbook.

Individual use and traveling with these things must have been impossible for the everyday person, even if you were a student.

Also, in this video by blind YouTuber Molly Burke, at the 9:05 time-stamp she answers the question: why don’t we raise print letters for blind people? She explains that it took too long to read and is not as efficient as Braille.

In the interest of time, I’ll try to keep this brief. The transition from the raised print letters to Braille was not a smooth one.

In 1826, first embossed letters published in English was James Gall’s triangular alphabet. Read about it and other systems here.

Another source says Gall’s writing system was introduced in 1831. The system did not gain much popularity outside of Endinburgh.

According to this page: [quote] “In 1832 The Society of Arts for Scotland held a competition for the best embossed type. There were 15 entries but Edmund Fry’s alphabetical system of roman capitals triumphed. Shortly afterwards John Alston began printing at the Glasgow Asylum for the Blind using a slightly modified version of Fry’s design. “Alston type” proved popular and inspired similar forms across Europe and North America.” [end quote]

None of these really caught on outside of certain areas.

In 1821, Charles Barbier was invited to the Royal National Institute For Blind Youth in Paris to demonstrate his Night Writing invention, which was developed for soldiers to read in the dark. It was too difficult to read and so was not used by soldiers, nor did it end up being used by the blind schools. However, a young Louis Braille was in the audience and was inspired.

In 1825, Braille thought he had figured out a good system of writing.

In 1829, he published the first Braille alphabet.

1834 - Braille is invited to Exposition of Industry in Paris, which extended the popularity of the Braille system.

1846- a school for the blind in Amsterdam starts using Braille’s system.

In 1852, Louis Braille dies.

1854- Royal National Institute For Blind Youth officially adopt Braille as official system after fighting it for years.

Because Braille didn’t take hold as quickly in Britain, the British and Foreign Blind Association, all of whom were blind, voted in 1870. They decided Braille was the best system. Braille quickly fell into use all over the world with the exception of the United States. By 1882, the embossed letter system was over.

In the U.S, from 1868-1918, the New York Point system was used. American Braille (developed by a blind teacher named Joel W. Smith) was also used from 1878 to 1918, when the U.S switched the standardized English Braille.

Would Your Character Know Raised Type?

Remember how I said you might be able to do this depending on the time period and place?

If you have French characters, you can used the raised type method as you described in your ask if the story takes place before, probably, 1825. It would be reasonable for your character to know the raised type method if they had attended a blind school before the Braille method was adopted in 1854. Between roughly 1829 and 1854, the French blind character attending school would know about the Braille system and probably complain about their school not teaching it despite Braille himself teaching there.

Similarly, they could used raised type depending on where the story is set, when the character attended school, and what system was in place at the time. If the story is a fantasy, you could make up a history similar to what I described above, although it would be important to have schools for the blind and have Braille or the equivalent be created by a blind character.

Remember that your blind character needs to learn the raised type method if you want them to use it.

If Braille would be available in real life (such as a more modern setting), I would prefer a blind character use Braille instead. Which is why I tried to offer alternatives that were historically justified.

I don’t feel very comfortable with a blind character having to use a raised type method rather than another system, because Braille literacy is declining nowadays and something about learning a raised type method over Braille (or other system, depending on where you set the story and what they were using at the time) doesn’t sit right with me. Your character doesn’t have to use Braille specifically, but I would rather they use the system that is available to blind people at that time. For example, if your story is set in the United States, it would be fine to use American Braille or the New York Point, depending on the time period.

If your story is modern, blind people can usually read raised print letters on signs, such as for the bathroom. In fact, a lot of people who can’t read Braille get by this way. However, keep in mind that we have screen-readers and audiobooks now. People aren’t reading entire texts or even many words with this method.

As for other countries, I tried my best to research what places, such as Japan, used before Braille. For several reasons, including the European-centric search results that keep coming up over and over again, finding the correct information is proving difficult. In some cases, previous methods may have unfortunately been lost due to colonization. It is important that we acknowledge that.

I feel that it would be easier to leave the research up to you since you know where you want to set your story and your own personal background, historical knowledge, etc.

Keep in mind that not all blind people in the world had access to formal education, depending on the place, time, their social class, etc. If you want your blind character to know how to read, you’ll need to find or create a setting that allows for it.

Generally, I would prefer blind characters use methods designed for blind people, whatever that happens to be in that time or culture. Prioritizing the other characters’ needs and having a blind character learn raised type over Braille when Braille actually exists in the story doesn’t work for me.

Like always, I suggest having more than one blind character in the story to avoid tokenism. Also, since your character is going to teach another character, be sure to show your blind character’s needs and goals as well.

I hope this helps. Feel free to message me or send another ask. I am not a historian and so if anyone wants to correct anything, such as dates, or provide any relevant knowledge, please feel free. I tried my best with this question. I would be grateful for help if anyone has more information!

-BlindBeta

#blind #disability #braille #ask #anon ask

[astrowithkaro]

Hi, I really like the language of birthday series, so I wanted to ask about June 21st. Thank u in advance :D

Language Of Birthdays: June 21 - Gemini

The Day Of Worldly Rapture

Those born on June 21 are obsessed with life, with every aspect of existence. Whether intellectuals or sensualists, aristocratic or plebian, they thirst after the experiences of the world, and those who live in developed countries often come to symbolize all that is best and worst about modern capitalist society. Not infrequently they are money-wise, even brilliant with family or company finances. Extremely success-oriented, they have a tendency to become autocratic and tolerate little departure from their own ethical codes. The fact that June 21 marks the summer solstice, the longest day and shortest night of the year, symbolizes the rich worldly nature of this day.

Even June 21 intellectuals tend to be very sensual, sexually-oriented beings. No matter how cynical, ironic, or logical June 21 people may be, they can still be slaves to a private life of passionate love. Thus, many highly evolved June 21 people live in a rapturous state where they revel in the pleasures of the mind and the flesh. Indeed, their thoughts are passionate and their lovemaking artful, even thoughtful. These are some of the few people in the year for whom physical and mental matters are truly integrated and pursued avidly and uncompromisingly.

Needless to say, June 21 people are very intense. Either they themselves are thought beautiful and attractive to others or they are extremely attracted to physical beauty. In either case, a kind of Beauty and the Beast dynamic is frequently at work.

In their enthusiasm and drive to succeed, June 21 people surmount whatever obstacles stand in their way. Their personality seems to work a kind of magic on others, and they often occupy a key position in their family, social circle or professional life. Those born on this day would make excellent politicians, were it not that they so often find themselves at odds with the prevailing social system.

June 21 people must, of course, beware of going beyond the pale in regard to their pas- sions—be they for criticism, ideas, sex or social involvement. They may find themselves involved in a world where anything is allowed—eaten up by their egos, destroyed by their sensuality, obsessed by their interests.

Addictive types, those born on this day are frequently workaholics and therefore carrying on normal personal relationships can be difficult, if not impossible. They can be highly demanding, making it hard for their mates, friends and children to relate to them. A quest for spirituality may be the only path that frees them from worldly concerns.

Strengths:

Enraptured

Critical

Sensual

Weakness:

Uncontrolled

Addictive

Dictatorial

Advice

June 21 people can be consumed by their desires and passions, and therefore must guard against burnout. Pacing themselves is the key. In addition, if any of one of their activities assumes an addictive cast it can crowd out everything else in their life, and require higher and higher "doses" to satisfy them. This kind of activity can lead to sociopathic behavior, or at least to alienation from family and friends. A vegetarian or semi-vegetarian diet, on the mild side rather than spicy, with an emphasis on grains and root vegetables, will help keep June 21 people grounded. Only very moderate physical exercise is recommended. Workaholics must beware of stomach and duodenal ulcers, as well as other secondary stress-related ailments such as lung disease resulting from smoking, or cirrhosis of the liver from alcohol.

Don't let your ego run away with you

If you allow yourself freedom, what about everyone else? Let each person have their due; don't be so overwhelming and controlling.

Keep your appetite for pleasures and enjoyments appropriate to the occasion

Maintain your poise

Allow yourself to vegetate occasionally

Hello, I'm aware this is a 'cusp' day but we all know that cusps aren't real and therefore this day mostly still belongs to Gemini.

#gemini twins #gemini cancer cusp #gemini horoscope #gemini sign #cancer astrology #cancer zodiac #air signs

[sunfleurry]

II. Soie et Satin

Part 1

Thank you for the lovely feedback on part 1 of modern prince!Harry <33

NOTE: I decided to give my MC a name (which I also edited into part 1). I hope you enjoy Rose and Harry’s story!!!! this part is not edited oops

***

Harry was on TV and he looked like a star. Rose watched him from the comfort of her living room while she sipped her morning coffee.

It was a live broadcast showing his arrival to the event with his family including the queen, his mother. She was an intimidatingly beautiful woman who gained the respect of the entire country, if not the entire world throughout her life. She was known to be strict on tradition, but she’d done so much for the country when it came to helping the less fortunate, advocating for global health, and supporting free education for everyone.

Now that she was older and had quite a few children, she passed on some of her duties to them. They, including Harry, followed in her footsteps, looking out for the population by supporting the same causes their mother dedicated her life to as a young woman. Their role was to represent the queen, and they did so flawlessly.

Rose didn’t want to admit that she’d googled Harry the day he sent flowers to her office, but she did, and she was reminded of the fact that Harry was heir to the throne. She never cared much for learning about the royal family and this was something everyone knew, but reading it after meeting him was like a big wake-up call. She’d danced with a man who would one day become king. She tried not to let herself think about it too much, or else she knew her thoughts would spiral out of control.

Harry and his brother wore a simple black suit, a change from his usual style, and his mother and sisters were donned in modest dresses she knew were designer and likely cost the same as her home.

Men with flashing cameras were going crazy behind the gates, desperately trying to get the perfect shot of the country’s “perfect” family.

Upon seeing the paparazzi, Rose was instantly reminded of how lucky she and Harry were to not have been caught by anyone when they went out. She quickly picked up her phone and googled Harry’s name and filtered the results to hours before the charity event just to be sure. She sighed in relief when there were no photos or stories of the both of them.

She relaxed into her sofa and fixed her eyes on the television, watching the rest of the event, subconsciously smiling every time Harry’s handsome face popped up on the screen.

***

Three days later at work, Rose received a text from Harry. What are you doing tonight?

She quickly replied, I have a date with a really hot guy I met a while back.

She barely put her phone down before it pinged with another message. What? Who is he? Tell him you’re busy.

She grinned. I don’t know. He’s kind of cute. Did I mention he’s a prince?

Her phone vibrated with a call, Harry’s name in block letters at the top of the screen. She accepted the call and brought it up to her ear. “Hello?”

“You’re not funny.”

She barked out a laugh, then winced and apologized to her coworkers whose desks were adjacent to hers. “I think I am.”

She heard him huff through the line then say, “Can I pick you up at seven?”

“Where do you want to take me?” She asked, tamping down her giddiness. It had only been less than a week since she’d last seen him, but she missed him.

“I thought we could take a walk on the beach, maybe have some ice cream?”

“How romantic of you,” she teased.

She could almost see his eyes rolling. “Are you in? I haven’t been able to go out in public since that morning charity.”

“Why not?”

He sighed. “Normally after making such a public appearance, we’re encouraged to stay low-key for a couple days. Something about the media being on high alert.”

Suddenly remembering the thoughts she had the morning she watched him on TV, she instantly knew what he meant. Rose worried her lip between her teeth as she tried to form the words to articulate the worry that had been building up since that day.

“Harry, will there be people following us?” She closed her eyes, hoping she didn’t sound stupid.

The other end of the line was quiet for a moment before he finally spoke up. “You know what, change of plans. Wear something comfortable.”

“Oh,” she ran a hand through her hair and sat back in her chair. “Okay.”

“I can’t wait to see you, Rose.”

She smiled. “You too,” she whispered.

***

Harry said to wear something comfortable, so she slipped on the most comfortable outfit she owned: A pair of joggers and matching crewneck. He’d only ever seen her dressed up, she figured she would let herself look more casual for once. Her doorbell rang just as she was slipping on a pair of Nikes. Reaching over, she opened the door to reveal a nervous-looking Harry standing with his car key in hand.

“Hi,” he said, a smile breaking onto his face at the sight of her then pulling her in for a hug.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, breathing in the cologne she absolutely loved.

“You look lovely,” he said as he pulled back to take a look at her.

She couldn’t resist kissing his cheek. “Please, I’m wearing glorified pyjamas.”

He looked down at his own pair of joggers and t-shirt. “I’d say you understood the assignment.”

She laughed as she followed him to his flashy car. It wasn’t the same one he picked her up in on their previous date, but just as nice.

Less than a half hour later, Harry had driven them to the middle of the city and into an underground parking garage of a large high-rise building. One of the tallest she’d ever seen in person. It had a modern design, the surface covered in mirrored windows. He drove through the garage until the car reached a closed door. He inched the car closer until the sensor detected it and opened the door, allowing the car to enter a smaller parking area containing two other cars, one of them Rose recognized as the one she’d been in on their last date.

“Do you live here?” She asked, taken aback.

“Yes,” he smiled nervously. “This is my private parking.”

“I can see that,” she frowned. “I thought you lived with your family, at the palace.”

“You and everyone else in the world,” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You don’t?”

He unbuckled his seat belt, and pocketed his key before turning towards her. “I come from a not so traditional family, but I need my own space despite the responsibilities that are expected of me. I’m a man in my twenties who values his privacy so I moved out when I was nineteen. Under a fake name.” 

She was shocked by the revelation, even more by the fact that he was trusting her with his information. 

“Nobody knows you live here?”

“I mean, the other residents do, but they’re under contract.”

“And your family?”

“Of course they know where I live,” he chuckled. “They just don’t come here. They don’t want to risk being seen here because they respect my space, they want to make sure I have all the privacy I can get away from the public eye, because, well, one day I won’t have that luxury.”

Rose deflated at the reminder of what his future entailed. “Do you ever think about it? Being heir and all?”

Harry looked down at his lap, picking an invisible thread on his pants. “Let’s go inside,” he said at last. 

Taking the hint, Rose smiled and opened her door, Harry doing the same. He scanned a card inside the elevator and keyed in a code on the keypad. The lift immediately started rising, only halting when it reached the final floor of the building. 

Nothing could have prepared Rose for the extravagance that would welcome her as soon as the doors opened. An entire wall was made up of giant windows, overlooking the bustling city underneath. They were so high up, she couldn't hear any of it. Instead, the height provided a peaceful silence in an otherwise busy area. The flooring was marble, the luxury kind one would only see on TV, and the place was spotless. 

Harry’s warm hand on the small of her back urged her to walk inside, the elevator doors closing behind them. She took in the open concept penthouse, a staircase in the corner of the grand living room leading to what she assumed was his private corner, the bedroom and bath.

“Holy shit,” she breathed. 

Harry laughed behind her, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the kitchen she knew even Gordon Ramsay would drool over. “Would you like something to drink?”

Snapping herself out of her dumfounded state, she looked at him. “What?”

He suppressed a smile and repeated, “Would you like something to drink?”

“Oh! Um, yes please,” she said, wringing her fingers together.

“Relax, Rose.”

“How could I?” She asked, eyes wide. “I feel like I’ll break something just by looking at it!”

“That’s fine, love. I want you to be comfortable.”

“But this place—”

“Is my home,” he interrupted, stepping closer and gently grabbing her shoulders. “And I made the choice to trust you with my secret, so please, make yourself comfortable.”

Her eyes softened. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”He leaned forward to capture her lips with his, and she melted into him without hesitation. She’d been wanting to do this since their first kiss and the wait was definitely worth it. 

He pulled back with a grin, leaving her breathless. “So, drink?”

She nodded, exhaling as an attempt to calm her beating heart. 

“I also made us dinner, I just need to put it in the oven.”

The statement made her heart swell, a feeling of fondness for the man in front of her taking over. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to,” he smiled, as he pushed a few buttons on the oven until a yellow light started flashing and the desired temperature was displayed. “Can’t bring you here and not feed you.”

She chuckled and pulled out a stool tucked into the island to sit on. “No you can’t.”

***

The food would take an hour, so the two decided to go to his living room to wait. They were cuddled up on his couch, watching a movie she’d chosen and that he’d seen a dozen times. Rose didn’t know that though.

“Do you ever worry people will recognize you?” She asked, out of the blue. “When we went out together, you seemed unfazed by the looks some were giving you.”

He shrugged. “I get used to it, really. Besides, Fen is always around in case something happens.”

She pushed off the couch to look at him. “Fen?”

“My security detail,” he nodded. “He’s always around when I’m out and about.”

“But, I didn’t see him the other night. Or the first time we went out together.”

He grinned. “That means he’s doing his job.”

She frowned as she slowly tucked herself back into his side. His arm automatically wrapped around her. “So, we were being followed all night?”

“It’s for safety purposes, Rose. Plus, I would never intentionally put you in danger.”

“What could possibly be so dangerous?”

Harry ducked to press a kiss to her head, breathing in the shampoo scent that coated her red strands. “Anything could be dangerous, even the paparazzi.”

The thought of being followed by paparazzi sent shivers down her spine. She’d seen videos of celebrities being hounded by them and felt sorry for the public figures who had to live with that.

“What if they see us together. Would they publish photos? Are you scared of what they may think?”

“Are you ashamed of me, Rose?”

She craned her neck to kiss him softly. “I would never be ashamed of you, Your Highness.”

“I knew it!” He cried, dramatically pushing her away. “You’re just using me for my title!”

“How did you know?” She gasped, trying to hold in a smile.

“I’ve always felt something was off with you,” he tutted, leaning his back on the arm rest and pulling her on top of him.

She giggled, raising her hand to run her fingers through his hair before smoothing it down. “Why is that?” She whispered.

“There’s no way someone as beautiful as you would give me the time of day,” he murmured, brushing his lips on the corner of her mouth.

She pulled him in to give her a proper kiss, their legs tangling as he switched positions until he was hovering on top of her, forearms caging her head against the sofa. 

“If anything, you’re out of my league, Prince.”

The words didn’t sit right with him. He pulled back. “Don’t ever say that,” he frowned.

“It’s true—“

He kissed her again. “Who I am... What I come from... Means nothing between you and me.”

She stared at him intently, the conversation taking an unexpected turn.

“Do you hear me?” He murmured, brushing his lips along her cheek.

She nodded.

He sighed. “Good.”

Rose gasped when Harry’s mouth was suddenly on hers, instantly brushing her tongue against his in what could be the best kiss she’d ever had. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him down to feel his comforting weight on top of her. The kiss morphed into something wetter as his hands trailed along her side and dipped under her shirt. She shivered from the contact, bending her knees to cage his body between her legs. Harry brushed his lips against her jaw before slowly making his way down her throat to the fabric of her top covering her chest. His hands inched along her skin to her back where he applied pressure, making her arch, chest pressing against his own.

“Harry,” she breathed as he pressed open mouthed kisses up her throat, leaving a wet trail.

He hummed in response before coming back up to connect their lips. She sighed into his mouth, arms wrapping around his neck as his hands trailed back to caress her sides. “Can I take this off?” He breathed, fingering the hem of her shirt.

She nodded against his neck, where she tongued at his skin, savouring the feeling of just being so close to him. He pulled her shirt up but before he could take it off completely, his phone rang, the shrill ringtone breaking through their bubble.

Harry scrambled to get off the couch, recognizing the ringtone, while Rose fought to catch her breath, mourning the feeling of his weight on her.

Harry excused himself and left the room to speak to whoever it was while Rose readjusted her top and sat up. She decided to braid her hair while waiting for him to finish.

Just as she was tying up her hair, she heard his footsteps before he appeared with a grim look on his face. He tossed his phone on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” he smiled but she didn’t buy it.

She tucked her legs under her and extended a hand towards him.

Harry accepted it and she tugged him over to sit next to her. He complied and slumped back, neck resting on the back of the couch.

“It’s just PR stuff. You don’t need to worry about it,” he said, eyes never leaving the ceiling.

She felt her heart sink to her stomach. “What kind of PR stuff?”

Before he could answer, she jumped at a sudden beeping coming from the kitchen.

He chuckled half-heartedly as she held a hand up to her chest. “It’s just the oven, love. Come on, food’s ready.”

“But what about—“

He kissed her. “I’m hungry.”

She pouted but decided to drop it, not wanting the mood to be ruined.

***

Rose placed her fork on her empty plate and got up to make her way to the sink. “How did you learn to cook like that?” She turned on the water and waited for it to turn hot before rinsing her plate. She reached for the sponge and squirted soap on it, intending to wash all the dishes.

Harry walked up behind her and slid a hand around her waist, splaying his hand on her stomach and pulling her back against him. “My mother,” he said before reaching over and turning off the water.

“Hey!” She went to turn it back on but he wrapped a hand around the tap, preventing her from moving it. “Harry…” She warned.

“Rose…”

She turned around and crossed her arms, ignoring the way her body reacted to his proximity. 

He laughed, and pried the wet sponge out of her hand, then pushed her out of the way to rinse it and put it back in place. 

Rose scowled. “Let me do this for you.”

“No, I have a dishwasher that could do that for me. I want to spend time with you, not watch you wash my shit.”

“You do so much for me, Harry. Let me wash your shit.”

“I can wash my own shit.”

“Okay, this is getting gross.”

Harry giggled and kissed her cheek before walking over to his fridge. She took the time to wash her hands and dry them before turning around to ask if he needed help with whatever it was he was doing.

She was met with the sight of him standing next to the kitchen island, a delicious-looking chocolate cake on it with two small forks. 

Harry chuckled at the way her eyes lit up, knowing her love for chocolate was the way to her heart. 

“I was too shy to ask if you had something sweet to follow up with dinner,” she admitted sheepishly, biting her bottom lip as she sat on the stool while he did the same across from her.

His smile widened, handing her a fork. “I would never forget.”

She blushed and followed his lead by taking the first bite of the cake. “Oh my God,” she moaned. “Is this André’s?”

Harry looked at her, horrified. “Don’t ever say another man’s name after moaning like that.”

She snorted, taking another bite of the delicious cake. 

“Yes,” Harry said finally, expression morphing into one of amusement as he watched her devour her half of the dessert. “He did make it. Something about giving the lovely lady a real treat.”

Rose laughed at the way he mocked André’s accent, and pushed the plate towards him to finish the cake. “I can’t take another bite,” she groaned. 

***

Rose awoke to the sound of faint chattering. She didn’t remember when she fell asleep but once she was aware enough to take in her surroundings, she realized she was still in Harry’s penthouse, curled up on his couch under a warm blanket. A warm feeling engulfed her when she realized Harry had tucked her in.

“Fuck you, I can do whatever I want.”

She frowned, knuckling her eye to try and wake herself up as she heard Harry start pacing, wherever he was.

“I know, I know, she’s been telling me the same thing all week.”

“Harry?” She called out. He didn’t hear her.

“If I hear you call her that one more time, you’re fired.”

“Harry,” she called again, louder. His pacing stopped and a second later, he appeared from around the corner, phone up to his ear.

“Rose,” he sighed, then scowled at whatever the person on the other end said. “Yes, now don’t call me back.” He locked his phone and gave her his attention once again. “Sorry about that.”

She smiled sleepily and reached over to caress his face. He breathed out and knelt on the ground to come face to face with her. Her fingers wound in the short hairs at the nape of his neck and he exhaled, dropping his forehead to her collarbone. “Sometimes I hate being me.”

“Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head and a laugh bubbled out of her, unwillingly. He snapped his head up. “What’s so funny?”

“Tickled me,” she mumbled.

He snorted then got up, asking her to move over before laying down next to her and pulling her to his side. 

“You seemed angry,” she said gently.

She could feel him tense under her. “My mother was just pissed at me, had my publicist relay a message.”

“Did you do anything?”

Harry looked into her warm brown eyes, his own glinting with mischief. “When am I not?”

Rose giggled and laid her head on his shoulder. She could feel herself being pulled back into unconsciousness, and as much as she tried to fight it, she couldn't. She wanted to stay awake for him, to comfort him further but exhaustion suddenly washed over her. Before being completely lost to the world, she could’ve sworn she heard him murmur, “I won’t let anything come between us.”

***

THANK YOU FOR READING <3333 lmk if you’d like to be tagged !!! 

Tag list: @mellamolayla​

#harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles story #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles series #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #one direction imagine

[nabrizoya]

RoW Theories and Things I Want to See

with RoW literally a few weeks away, here’s some theories your way. 

this is Really long. like, really very long; mind you. 

Nikolai might become a disabled character.

It’s just the vibes. If we can take reference from the Too Clever Fox story, there’s a line that says “...and his [Koja’s] fur never quite sat right the same...”, which might hint at it (mostly bc i don’t want him to die). Also if this is indeed possible, it can be used to address ableism if it exists in this universe, especially since Nikolai is someone in the highest position of power. 

Zoya will experiment the shit out of powers. 

Idk why the synopsis says that using her powers might be a great deal, which tbf will be because she is truly the most most powerful atm; but Zoya wouldn’t mind taking the step outside of the old norms and bend the orders until they serve their purpose. That’s the entire goal rly.

But all along, she will consciously keep herself mindful to not hunger or discharge her power in a way that may cause harm. She knows the tyranny of the Darkling and the ways he employed. She knows better. 

More character depth to Zoya. 

Given the excerpts, the book does seem to explore Zoya’s infinite grief. And of course her Suli heritage, which a great part of the fandom consistently wants to shadow what with the talk “white features/ part Ravkan” bs. 

But there’s more. I hope RoW will show Zoya’s dilemma (that was alr hinted in KoS) she has with the power she holds, the responsibility she has with having that power + using it in the way that will not be detrimental to her and the country. It will be a great way to portray her self-awareness and doubt and insecurity. She is a good leader, that much is told in text but not shown. There’s character development from the end of R&R until KoS that makes her evolve from a what she was then to the capable and mature 22 year old she is in KoS. 

Of course all of their capabilities will come to light in RoW but I think Zoya and the agency to her as a character will play an integral part. More so because Zoya is to be the conduit to reversing the current Grisha orders, which runs in parallel with the fact that she needs to go back, go back to the roots of her Grisha knowledge and roots of her i.e. her unending grief and trauma. 

She will need to forgive herself while also dealing with the guilt and anger she may have caused due to her position and power. All of this while dealing with her own complex and contrasting emotions due to her own trauma.

Nikolai is held for treason. 

The word of allying with The Darkling may be out and that is enough reason for the entire country to turn against him. The secret about the monster causes issues more than enough already, and this will plunge the country into deep political turmoil and threats to security. So RoW will be more politically driven. That said...

There’s no overt war. 

By this I mean that there will not be war on the battlefield, both armies or more charging at each others’ enemies and such. Ravka cannot afford one either. The excerpts have already proved that. There will be skirmishes akin to a war scenario, but a complete battle like the last battle in R&R? Like a final battle? That’s not going to be there, I think… What I’m assuming might happen is that the Fjerda and Ravka will take a possible Cold War route, if it isn’t already the case they’re already dealing with atm. 

Ravka’s monarchy will collapse. 

It may become a democracy or any other form of public or majority vote. But the monarchy (as well a possible dictatorship, esp with the Darkling returned) will be eliminated. ...Or so I hope, since it has been alluded to in KoS. 

But that poses many problems. With no one line for the throne, let alone with a crime so dark like a blot on Nikolai’s skill (of taking the Darkling’s help), it is possible that Ravka will shun it, right alongside being torn about it because Nikolai has been, for the best of his ability, a good King. All of this in line with the Resistance rising in West Ravka. 

This ties in with the court matters, especially if I want to hold the further points I make true. The resolution to acquit Nikolai of his charges requires a testification forth a jury which will then make a decision about his motives and future. 

Zoya as the Interim Head. 

After all of this, Zoya’s point about Ravka not accepting a Grisha Queen will be true after all, because there will be no monarchy to welcome such an arrangement. 

But Ravka will need a good and trustworthy leader despite Grisha powers and Zoya is the best person to take care of that. The comment “...becoming a steady leader...” and the “Welcome home, Commander,” were there in KoS for a reason (and this is what I think it will link to). 

That being said, there’s more nuance to this than my summary. Zoya is a character of colour. That—in addition to the already existing threats, objections and possible question of capability in the position—ill play into how she will be able to discharge her responsibility. It’s not going to be convenient.

EDIT: taken from a reblog/addition to the og post:

A smoother/more structured transition

Once after the monarchy collapses and a leader must be chosen, it will not be Nikolai. Nor will it be Zoya, though she might serve as an interim head. What I assume might be possible is that someone older is chosen, someone older and loyal and with the proof of knowledge and service to the country. Possibly by majority vote or elected by a council.

Instead of the sudden change, this can be a smoother (if that can even be said about such a major political scenario change) or more structured. I also say this because a. if Nikolai is indeed charged (and later acquitted), firstly his political career will already hold a blot if the word about using the Darkling as a resource is out and secondly, he’s way too young to serve as the leader (by modern standards, sure, but like, the required age will be set while drafting the constitution? currently its 35+).

Instead, the current cast can become representatives (which Zoya would already be, (mostly the head of the) international committee that safeguards the Grisha all over the world) and the Triumvirate will be dissolved. (it should be, tbh)

And hey, b. after all of this, they can and kind of need to take a step back. Nikolai and Zoya will be able to truly explore their relationship, given how Nikolai mentions how he wouldn’t marry unless he’d have had the chance to court someone and marry someone he barely knows nor knows him. For Zoya’s part, she does know Nikolai but surely probably not the extent of openness that a healthy relationship has, and on Nikolai’s part, he admits he barely knows her beyond as a General except for just little things about her.

They could be able to realize and work on their feelings while alongside being involved with the workings of the country and the constitution.

“One day you will overstep and I will not be so forgiving.” 

Need I say more? Something that Zoya does will cost her Nikolai’s goodwill and we know Zoya knows her practicality and the extent to which she will unapologetically move if there is threat to the country and its King. She will do what was right and required. 

A major part of that line ties in with Magnus Opjer and I think with the confidence in the versatility of her powers, Zoya might as well move w/o any word to the Triumvirate to eliminate the most direct threat to the throne. This will bring splits in Nikolai and Zoya’s relationship. 

How this tension between them will be resolved without compromising either of their values, without playing into fandom stereotypes and others must be carefully handled. All of this while showing the best of their dynamicity, practicality and priority as they carefully pull out just those weak sticks of the jenga without putting the whole country into trouble. And with a war in plain sight, they’d know better than pointlessly argue and would rather see how the two of them are wrong. This ordeal will bring out just how condensed power is in the current scenario, imo. 

Importance on the way women have shaped history. 

Something that KoS has already set precedence for. Zoya being a PoC, Nina taking into account of the sufferings of women she comes across and the consistent ‘Who will remember them?’ will be elaborated on further. As for how it is done and how well it is done, that remains to be seen. 

Baghra is alive but maybe not thriving bc she’s stuck in the Ice Court. 

They entered a chamber where an old woman sat with her hands chained, flanked by guards. Her eyes were vacant. As each prisoner approached, the woman gripped his or her wrist.

A human amplifier. [...] But the Fjerdans used them for a different purpose – to make sure no Grisha breached their walls without being identified.

Kaz watched Nina approach. He could see her trembling as she held out her arm. The woman clamped her fingers around Nina’s wrist. Her eyelids stuttered briefly. Then she dropped Nina’s hand and waved her along.

Had she known and not cared? Or had the paraffin they’d used to encase Nina’s forearms worked?

- Chapter 22. Kaz; Part 4: Trick to Falling, Six of Crows.

Nina will be the one to free her and together they might wage a war from Djerholm together.

This gets even more interesting because we know the anguish and scorn that Baghra feels for her son at the same time; she understands the wrongness that he used to seek and will continue to. Zoya does take Baghra’s name at the Fold when she mourns and rages over how people forget the destruction and most importantly, forget the women. Baghra could be the symbol of the stag as the art piece depicts, or will be shown with relation to the Darkling’s powers.

As for how she will play into the story, perhaps she will be the one to help reverse and find the roots of the orders, in the sense that changes the perception of the Grisha powers for the Grisha as well as the common folk of Ravka. She is the only other person other than Juris and the Darkling to have the age of eras together, knowing Ilya Morozova, and she will be instrumental in giving Ravka an advantage over Fjerda. Either that or she will help in scrubbing the prejudices of Fjerda slowly away with whatever powers she has left. Or both. 

Alina will reappear, but will not contribute to the plot significantly.

Zoya understands that the truth she knows about the Darkling is very minimal not enough to end him for once and for all. It makes sense that she will probably consult Alina for it. So, Malina appearance, possibly at the orphanage. Alina will not directly contribute to this war, but she will play a critical role in defeating the Darkling.

Besides, Alina —and Baghra— are the only ones who know that there has only ever been two Darklings. Zoya did sense, multiple times during KoS, that the Darkling is damn old. Yuri mentions it. And while it is not outright specified, the fact that Zoya thinks that she realizes just how ancient Lizabetha is in context of meeting the Darkling is enough proof for her to seek more information about the age and the older skill of the Darkling. 

And I think it goes without saying that I want to hope that the Darkling and Alina will not meet. Pls, she’s had enough. 

Lada is the lost, other friend that Zoya refuses to bury. 

“She saw her mentor die and her worst enemy resurrected, and she refuses to bury another friend.”

Liliyana is dead, we know. But there’s no other mention of Lada except for the “wondering what happened to the pug faced girl.” Lada is possibly a part of the group of women and a Grisha returning to Ravka from Fjerda, exploited by the parem. She might die being unable to withhold the sheer torment of the parem induction, which will devastate Zoya because Lada was also the closest she’s had to a family with Liliyana. 

Either that or Lada is already dead or dies some other way, and Zoya cannot bring herself bear the grief of losing her. 

Cameos: Inej and Jesper. 

The most likely of the crows to appear in RoW are Inej and Jesper and they’ll play equally important roles in the plotline. Here’s a breakdown of why:

Inej

Inej has taken the responsibility of becoming a slave hunter, and it makes sense for Inej to make an appearance in the book, given that there’s going to be a ship taking the Grisha from Fjerda to Ravka. 

The women aboard are vulnerable and require immediate attention, which Inej will immediately zero in on. She will have enough reason to suspect both Leoni and Adrik on the ship, especially when the jurda parem is still a secret. Leoni and Adrik cannot give that information away because they don’t trust Inej (and have no reason to either). Inej won’t trust them either, not until she understands that the reason why the women are being taken to Ravka and for what reasons. 

Which gives her excellent reason to step in, try to analyze the situation and help the women accordingly.

Here’s an exciting thought though. Once after the entire misunderstanding is overcome and Inej understands (esp. if Nina is brought into the conversation and security and secrecy of the conversation is ensured), there may be discussion about how the Grisha might find a safer space in Ravka.

Inej’s appearance might also extend to playing a pivotal role in giving Zoya the confidence to seek her heritage and where she hails from, to embrace the part of her past and forgive herself and others for her mistakes. 

ALSO, 

Grisha finding a safer space in Ravka will mean that Inej can pitch Jesper’s case for him to Zoya. Being the highest authority who takes cares of the responsibilities of the Grisha, Zoya will be the best person to talk about this with. 

And so, here comes Jesper. 

Jesper

For one, I wish Jesper and Leoni interact, talk and just bond like the iconic siblings they would be. <3 But more than that, Jesper plays very integral to the plot for more reasons.

Jesper’s arc will parallel Zoya’s. Both of them are new to their powers in their own individual sense; Zoya is trying to use her new powers in a way that hasn’t been done before, thereby breaking the Grisha orders of powers and Jesper (assuming he has decided that he might want to learn and embrace his Grisha powers) is learning them afresh. 

This journey of them trying to embrace, learn and relearn and reject older norms and experiment really work in tandem.

That will lead us to a further (plot) theories. 

Ties with Novyi Zem 

As of the KoS end, Ravka has no support from anyone atm. Sure the Kerch will provide funds but Ravka has no real allies. Here’s where Novyi Zem and Jesper come in. 

We know Novyi Zem is a new country and also that it is the second safest country for the Grisha in the universe. As of KoS, their agreements are not renewed and they would be since between Kerch and Novyi Zem, Ravka was forced to pick Kerch. Yet Ravka needs their help in acquiring jurda for the antidote. 

So here’s the deal: Ravka will get their jurda but at many conditions that the Novyi Zem will impose on Ravka to not let exploitation get in the way. 

The conditions imposed could be (these are just some at the top of my head but I hope there are more to ensure the safety and security of the Zemeni, in Novyi Zem and in Ravka too) : 

Naval support from Ravka

We know of the Zemeni ships and ofc Nikolai has been hard at work trying to develop plans to use the sea to its fullest advantage. While the news of the izmars’ya isn’t public, Zemeni can place a condition for technical aid from Ravka since Ravka does have the technical knowledge it can dispatch as a condition.

A Grisha School in Novyi Zem

Think about it. Ravka, despite being the safest place for the Grisha, still isn’t entirely safe. Not all Grisha become soldiers in Ravka, they have a choice to abstain but those who are training are still recruited a honed for purpose alike preparing for war, especially the teens and preteens from the time of the Civil War. The training does take a lot of time. Ravka intends to make a home first and then service, but at the moment, while the Grisha are provided safety, it’s not assured in the best sense. Both the facts about a home and service are in precarious positions atm.

TL;DR: Ravka isn’t entirely safe for Grisha therefore the Grisha themselves too are not + Ravka is war torn. 

So what happens? 

One of the conditions as the next best country that serves as home to the Grisha, Novyi Zem may put forth the prospect of building a Little Palace like institution for the Grisha in Novyi Zem. It sounds morally wrong in the sense that the Grisha there will also be trained for war, but the war will end and soon, the Grisha will not be subject to serve for something but engage in economic activities as anybody else with the progression of time.

All of this won’t happen immediately either; learning their powers, honing it in the way that is unocnventional from what it had been pre-RoW and that transition + the building of the establishment in Novyi Zem and laying foundation for the  transnational panel or committee for Grisha that Zoya talks about will all take so much time. 

A few Grisha representatives from Novyi Zem can learn at the Little Palace and by the time the construction of the institution is done in Novyi Zem, these Grisha, along with other willing Grisha who either want to return to the country they were born in (like Leoni) or are offered to teach in a different country can do so too. 

There will be stricter terms so as to not ensure exploitation and possible colonization in these nations. 

Zoya mentions in one of her chapters that eventually there will be a need for the a  transnational panel or committee for Grisha. Jesper can Zoya can make it possible, adding in other countries to the panel slowly as the war recedes. 

Kaz and Wylan? 

Least likely to make an appearance, in my opinion. I think they’ll be mentioned plenty of times or brought up once and given great importance for how they can help in the side plot. 

Shu Support: 

This is more a hope than an actually theory dfbkdhjadfh but Makhi might have to step down from the throne because Ehri will take the place; either as a Queen (no...) or she might oversee the process of strengthening Shu Han and finding a leader (if she doesn’t want to become one herself). 

Ehri is capable, more than capable despite the little we know of her from the last chapter in KoS. All I hope is for an understanding and friendship between Nikolai and Ehri (and the subsequent cancelling of the marriage duH) for this to happen. She has little interest in statecraft but with the time she might spend with Nikolai, she might change her views. Even if not then she still gets the happy ending she deserves with Mayu (which is canon at this point rly).

Emotional Development or Breakdowns

Okay but I really, really, really hope we get to see all the three protagonists lose their shit and deal with their trauma, seek help or trying to stop isolating themselves or anything else they do to cope? Nina, Zoya and Nikolai, all of them cry, all of them get to completely lose it, let themselves be human and healthily cope and learn to rely on the people they trust the most. Like the sheer power and potential to show the myriad of ways to deal with grief, sadness, stress and more and make use of the trio’s backgrounds to show healthy and diverse ways of helping themselves, by letting themselves and others help them is just *combusts* Incredible! 

That being said, can I also ask for moments of fear and desolation from the side characters too? Impending war isn’t small business, it will take its toll on people, and all these reactions just cement their fears and what they value the most so. pls. Humanizing them rly. 

The Saving Each Other 

As much as I mostly kinda hate this trope, there are traces in the KoS that Zoya might be the one to end Nikolai’s affliction. On the other hand, there is talk of Nikolai helping Zoya control her powers which seems counterintuitive when you consider that Zoya knows that there is a line that she must never cross and that she is very, very careful about it and will continue to be. 

They can instead be the ones who motivate each other in times of distress as they always do (as shown with how Nikolai tries to gain control over his monster during the burning thorn ritual in KoS, allowing himself the vulnerability but also knowing that giving up will be unforgivable to both himself and Zoya as well) but I seriously do not wish for each other to be the ones directly ending one another's misery. Or perhaps this is just a fear imo that Leigh wouldn’t even take the route of (in which case, thank fuck).

Stab Stab Stab 

Zoya gets the chance to kill the Darkling with the rest of her friends. After all, Darkling does call them all his old friends. Just Julius Caeser him all the way and put a bow tie on the book. *chef’s kiss* Everybody deserves a second chance... at ending a tyrant when it fails the first time. 

+

So far, this is it. Rule of Wolves is in less than a few weeks and im- asdfghjkl. not Ready. i’m more Worried than Ready.

#zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #nina zenik #rule of wolves #king of scars #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #ehri kir taban #hanne brum #grishaverse #alina starkov #mal oretsev #baghra morozova #the darkling #kos #row #leigh bardugo #row theories #zoyalai #tw ableism mention #tw war #i hope these aren't insensitive. esp the one point about war + the theories about novyi zem #and ofc the disability part too #if the way i've expressed some points are hurtful i sincerely apologize. i will change them and learn better #thanks for reading this super long post lmao #long post // #cw long post #??? #anyw #row spoilers